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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13042 ***
+
+[Transcriber's note: The spelling irregularities of the original have
+been retained in this etext.]
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+COMPLETE
+
+BY
+
+WASHINGTON IRVING
+
+CHICAGO
+
+W.B. CONKEY COMPANY
+
+PUBLISHERS
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK is the book, published in December,
+1809, with which Washington Irving, at the age of twenty-six, first won
+wide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an American friend, who
+sent him the second edition----
+
+
+    "I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon degree of
+    entertainment which I have received from the most excellently
+    jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, as a stranger to
+    American parties and politics, I must lose much of the concealed
+    satire of the piece, but I must own that, looking at the simple
+    and obvious meaning only, I have never read anything so closely
+    resembling the style of Dean Swift as the annals of Diedrich
+    Knickerbocker. I have been employed these few evenings in reading
+    them aloud to Mrs. S. and two ladies who are our guests, and our
+    sides have been absolutely sore with laughing. I think, too,
+    there are passages which indicate that the author possesses
+    powers of a different kind, and has some touches which remind me
+    much of Sterne."
+
+Washington Irving was the son of William Irving, a sturdy native of the
+Orkneys, allied to the Irvines of Drum, among whose kindred was an old
+historiographer who said to them, "Some of the foolish write themselves
+Irving." William Irving of Shapinsha, in the Orkney Islands, was a petty
+officer on board an armed packet ship in His Majesty's service, when he
+met with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he married at
+Falmouth in May, 1761. Their first child was buried in England before
+July, 1763, when peace had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated to
+New York with his wife, soon to be joined by his wife's parents.
+
+At New York William Irving entered into trade, and prospered fairly until
+the outbreak of the American Revolution. His sympathy, and that of his
+wife, went with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, Lord
+Cornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, surrendered at Yorktown.
+In October, 1782, Holland acknowledged the independence of the United
+States in a treaty concluded at The Hague. In January, 1783, an armistice
+was concluded with Great Britain. In February, 1783, the independence of
+the United States was acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in March
+by Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an eleventh child was born to
+William and Sarah Irving, who was named Washington, after the hero under
+whom the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the peace was signed, New
+York was evacuated, and the independence of the United States acknowledged
+by England.
+
+Of the eleven children eight survived. William Irving, the father, was
+rigidly pious, a just and honorable man, who made religion burdensome to
+his children by associating it too much with restrictions and denials. One
+of their two weekly half-holidays was devoted to the Catechism. The
+mother's gentler sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greater
+influence; but she reverenced and loved her good husband, and when her
+youngest puzzled her with his pranks, she would say, "Ah, Washington, if
+you were only good!"
+
+For his lively spirits and quick fancy could not easily be subdued. He
+would get out of his bed-room window at night, walk along a coping, and
+climb over the roof to the top of the next house, only for the high
+purpose of astonishing a neighbor by dropping a stone down his chimney. As
+a young school-boy he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, and
+achieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. "Robinson Crusoe"
+and "Sindbad the Sailor" made him yearn to go to sea. But this was
+impossible unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, which he
+detested. He would get out of bed at night and lie on the floor for an
+hour or two by way of practice. He also took every opportunity that came
+in his way of eating the detested food. But the more he tried to like it
+the nastier it grew, and he gave up as impracticable his hope of going to
+sea. He fastened upon adventures of real travelers; he yearned for travel,
+and was entranced in his youth by first sight of the beauties of the
+Hudson River. He scribbled jests for his school friends, and, of course,
+he wrote a school-boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and he
+was placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was transferred to another,
+and then, in January, 1802, to another, where he continued his clerkship
+with a Mr. Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young daughters by a
+former marriage. With this family Washington Irving, a careless student,
+lively, clever, kind, established the happiest relations, of which
+afterwards there came the deep grief of his life and a sacred memory.
+
+Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning to thrive in business.
+A brother Peter shared his frolics with the pen. His artist pleasure in
+the theater was indulged without his father's knowledge. He would go to
+the play, come home for nine o'clock prayers, go up to bed, and climb out
+of his bed-room window, and run back and see the after-piece. So come
+evasions of undue restraint. But with all this impulsive liveliness, young
+Washington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in grave danger.
+When he was nineteen, and taken by a brother-in-law to Ballston springs,
+it was determined by those who heard his incessant night cough that he was
+"not long for this world." When he had come of age, in April, 1804, his
+brothers, chiefly his eldest brother, who was prospering, provided money
+to send him to Europe that he might recover health by restful travel in
+France, Italy and England. When he was helped up the side of the vessel
+that was to take him from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at him
+with pity and said, "There's a chap who will go overboard before we get
+across." But Washington Irving returned to New York at the beginning of
+the year 1806 with health restored.
+
+What followed will be told in the Introduction to the other volume of
+this History of New York, by Diedrich Knickerbocker.
+
+H.M.
+
+
+
+
+THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.
+
+
+The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated
+than a temporary _jeu-d'esprit_, was commenced in company with my brother,
+the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book which
+had recently appeared, entitled, "A Picture of New York." Like that, our
+work was to begin an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of the
+customs, manners and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic
+vein, and treating local errors, follies and abuses with good-humored
+satire.
+
+To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, our
+historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and we
+laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant
+or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this
+crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother
+departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone.
+
+I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the
+"Picture of New York," I determined that what had been originally intended
+as an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, and form a comic
+history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and
+disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but it
+soon became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had
+begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I
+must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the
+period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress and decline,
+presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period,
+also, at that time almost a _terra incognita_ in history. In fact, I was
+surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York
+had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early
+Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors.
+
+This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city; poetic from its
+very obscurity, and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome,
+to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city as
+fortunate above all other American cities in having an antiquity thus
+extending back into the regions of doubt and fable; neither did I conceive
+I was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts
+I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my
+own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names
+connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion.
+
+In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer,
+besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuous trespasses into this
+sacred, though neglected, region of history have met with deserved rebuke
+from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft
+thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I
+can only say with Hamlet----
+
+    "Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil
+    Free me so far in your most generous thoughts
+    That I have shot my arrow o'er the house,
+    And hurt my brother."
+
+I will say this in further apology for my work: that if it has taken an
+unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least
+turned attention to that history, and provoked research. It is only since
+this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been
+rummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the
+dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may actually
+possess.
+
+The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim
+of history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from
+poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing
+form; to illustrate its local humors, customs and peculiarities; to clothe
+home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and
+whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which
+live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the
+heart of the native inhabitant to his home.
+
+In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before
+the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were
+unrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our
+Dutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, or
+adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are
+brought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community together
+in good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rallying points of home
+feeling; the seasoning of our civic festivities; the staple of local tales
+and local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popular
+fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I
+was the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps.
+
+I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim
+and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch
+worthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still be
+found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I
+have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the
+same temper with which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse
+of nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth still
+cherished among them; when I find its very name become a "household word,"
+and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popular
+acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance
+companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses,
+Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice; and when I find New Yorkers of
+Dutch descent priding themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbockers," I
+please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord; that
+my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages
+derived from them, are n harmony with the feelings and humors of my
+townsmen; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint
+characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants
+will not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other histories
+of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may
+take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library,
+Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored
+indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside.
+
+Sunnyside, 1848.
+
+W.I.
+
+
+
+
+Notices.
+
+WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK.
+
+
+_From the "Evening Post" of October_ 26, 1809.
+
+DISTRESSING.
+
+Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been heard of, a
+small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by
+the name of _Knickerbocker_. As there are some reasons for believing he is
+not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about
+him, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel,
+Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully
+received.
+
+P.S.--Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of humanity in
+giving an insertion to the above.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 6, 1809.
+
+_To the Editor of the "Evening Post."_
+
+SIR,--Having read, in your paper of the 26th of October last, a paragraph
+respecting an old gentleman by the name of _Knickerbocker_, who was
+missing from his lodgings; if it would be any relief to his friends, or
+furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them
+that a person answering the description given was seen by the passengers
+of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since,
+resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He
+had in his hand a small bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: he
+appeared to be traveling northward, and was very much fatigued and
+exhausted.
+
+A TRAVELER.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 16, 1809.
+
+_To the Editor of the "Evening Post."_
+
+SIR,--You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about
+_Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker_, who was missing so strangely some time
+since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since; but
+a _very curious kind of a written book_ has been found in his room, in
+his own handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive,
+that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging,
+I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same.
+
+I am, Sir, your humble servant,
+
+SETH HANDASIDE,
+
+Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel,
+
+Mulberry Street.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 28, 1809.
+
+LITERARY NOTICE.
+
+INSKEEP and BRADFORD have in the press, and will shortly publish,
+
+A History of New York,
+
+In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars.
+
+Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal
+policies, manners, customs, wars, &c. &c., under the Dutch government,
+furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before
+published, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other
+authenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophical
+speculations and moral precepts.
+
+This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the old
+gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It
+is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the "American Citizen" December_ 6, 1809.
+
+Is this day published,
+
+By INSKEEP and BRADFORD, No. 128, Broadway,
+
+A History of New York,
+
+&c. &c.
+
+(Containing same as above.)
+
+
+
+
+ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR
+
+
+It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the fall of
+1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian
+Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small,
+brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of
+olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs
+plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some
+eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore
+about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles; and all his
+baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his
+arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run; and my
+wife, who is a very shrewd little body, at once set him down for some
+eminent country schoolmaster.
+
+As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little
+puzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with his
+looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off
+with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great
+painters, Jarvis and Wood: and commands a very pleasant view of the new
+grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House and
+Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; so that it is the
+cheerfulest room in the whole house.
+
+During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy,
+good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would
+keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, or
+made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with
+his hands full of papers, and say something about "deranging his ideas;"
+which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether _compos_.
+Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room
+was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about
+at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; for he said
+he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know
+where to find them; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying
+about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully
+put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made,
+because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put
+everything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get his
+papers in order again in a twelve-month. Upon this my wife ventured to ask
+him, what he did with so many books and papers? and he told her, that he
+was "seeking for immortality"; which made her think, more than ever, that
+the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked.
+
+He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually
+poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that
+was going on; this was particularly the case about election time, when he
+did nothing but bustle about him from poll to poll, attending all ward
+meetings and committee-rooms; though I could never find that he took part
+with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and
+rail at both parties with great wrath--and plainly proved one day to the
+satisfaction of my wife, and three old ladies who were drinking tea with
+her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at the skirt
+of the nation; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its
+back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the
+neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon,
+as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believe
+he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the
+question, if they could ever have found out what it was.
+
+He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about
+the most trifling matter, and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that
+was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who
+called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But
+this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the
+city librarian; and, of course, must be a man of great learning; and I
+have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history.
+
+As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any
+pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and
+what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend
+the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the
+_Literati_; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn
+to push a lodger for his pay, so I let day after day pass on without
+dunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takes
+these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at
+last got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time "some
+people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old
+gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make
+herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his
+saddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer
+we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in
+which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great
+connections, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and
+cousin german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat
+him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making
+things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children
+their letters; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their
+children also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed
+so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to
+speak on the subject again.
+
+About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his
+hand--and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made
+after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they
+sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last,
+when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and left
+the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him
+from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor
+old gentleman; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that
+he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I
+therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy
+advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never
+been able to learn anything satisfactory about him.
+
+My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he
+had left anything behind in his room, that would pay us for his board and
+lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings,
+and his pair of saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of the
+librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large
+bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, he
+had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about;
+as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York,
+which he advised us by all means to publish; assuring us that it would be
+so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it would
+be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very
+learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the
+press, which he accordingly has done; and has, moreover, added to it a
+number of notes of his own; and an engraving of the city, as it was at the
+time Mr. Knickerbocker writes about.
+
+This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work
+printed, without waiting for the consent of the author; and I here
+declare, that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident
+has befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true and
+honest man. Which is all at present----
+
+From the public's humble servant,
+
+SETH HANDASIDE.
+
+INDEPENDENT COLUMBIAN HOTEL, NEW YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of
+this work. Shortly after its publication, a letter was received from him,
+by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the
+Hudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certain
+ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, into
+which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise,
+that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements
+that were made concerning him; and that he should learn of the publication
+of his history by mere accident.
+
+He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he was
+prevented from making several important corrections and alterations: as
+well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during
+his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at
+Haverstraw and Esopus.
+
+Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to
+New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at
+Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for
+which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found
+it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads
+and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline
+of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these
+intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State; where
+they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers,
+by the introduction of turnpike-gates and country school-houses. It is
+said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing
+the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace; but was highly
+indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the
+middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit.
+
+The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, he
+received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers; some of whom,
+however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into,
+particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany
+tea-tables, which they assured him had been discontinued for some years
+past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their
+ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of
+their neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the latter, it must
+be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon; considering these
+recordings in the lights of letters patent of nobility, establishing their
+claims to ancestry, which, in this republican country, is a matter of no
+little solicitude and vain-glory.
+
+It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the
+governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to
+shake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly was
+going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed,
+certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture
+to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that he
+privately entertained a considerable good-will for our author--nay, he
+even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own
+table, just after dinner, that "Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort
+of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which may have been led to
+suppose, that, had our author been of different politics, and written for
+the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have
+risen to some post of honor and profit: peradventure to be a notary
+public, or even a justice in the ten-pound court.
+
+Besides the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed
+by the _literati_ of Albany; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who
+entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and
+reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the
+ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart--of great literary
+research, and a curious collector of books At parting, the latter, in
+testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his
+collection; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism,
+and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands; by the
+last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second
+edition.
+
+Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to
+Scaghtikoke; where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open
+arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to
+by the family, being the first historian of the name; and was considered
+almost as great a man as his cousin the Congressman--with whom, by-the-by,
+he became perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship.
+
+In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their great
+attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and
+discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business
+to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and
+anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable
+situation; and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regular
+habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or
+drinking--both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere
+spleen and idleness.
+
+It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of
+his history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passages
+with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had
+crept into it; for he was particularly anxious that his work should be
+noted for its authenticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of
+history. But the glow of composition had departed--he had to leave many
+places untouched which he would fain have altered; and even where he did
+make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the
+better or the worse.
+
+After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong
+desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest
+affection; not merely because it was his native city, but because he
+really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return
+he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literary
+reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertisements,
+petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import; and, although he
+never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing
+innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and
+all sides of the question, in all which he was clearly detected "by his
+style."
+
+He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the postoffice, in
+consequence of the numerous letter he received from authors and printers
+soliciting his subscription--and he was applied to by every charitable
+society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering
+these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great
+corporation dinner; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at
+the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that he
+could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the
+city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted; but
+several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usual
+rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little
+boys at play have been known to cry, "There goes Diedrich!" at which the
+old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations
+in the light of the praise of posterity.
+
+In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and
+distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium, passed on his in the
+Portfolio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much
+overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days) it must be confessed
+that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or
+have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality.
+
+After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence
+at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the
+family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor.
+It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes
+beyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed, to be occasionally over-flowed,
+and much infested, in the summer-time, with mosquitoes; but otherwise
+very agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes.
+
+Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of
+a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end
+approaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his
+fortune to the New York Historical Society; his Heidelberg Catechism and
+Vander Donck's work to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr.
+Handaside. He forgave all his enemies--that is to say, all that bore any
+enmity towards him; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will to
+all the world. And, after dictating several kind messages, to his
+relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial
+Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian.
+
+His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's
+Churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; and
+it is rumored that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a
+wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green.
+
+
+
+
+TO THE PUBLIC.
+
+
+"To rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a
+just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our
+Dutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York,
+produces this historical essay."[1] Like the great Father of History,
+whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the
+twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night of
+forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude had I
+long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually
+slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and
+day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I,
+and those revered Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of
+good old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children,
+engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the
+present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past,
+and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the
+Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and
+even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and
+Peter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus
+and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Boulogne.
+
+Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I
+industriously set myself to work to gather together all the fragments of
+our ancient history which still existed; and, like my revered prototype,
+Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored to
+continue the chain of history by well-authenticated traditions.
+
+
+In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long
+and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have
+consulted, and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though
+such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country,
+there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the
+early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch Governors. I have,
+however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate
+manuscript, written in exceeding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting a
+few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the
+Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I
+likewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumber
+garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens; and I have gathered a host of
+well-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my
+acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor
+must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that
+admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society,
+to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments.
+
+In the conduct, of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual
+model, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining
+and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians.
+Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the
+strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it,
+after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies,
+drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it with
+profound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the
+graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity,
+the grandeur and magnificence of Livy.
+
+I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and
+judicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive
+manner of my favorite Herodotus. And, to be candid, I have found it
+impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes,
+which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the
+historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his
+wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed my
+staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so
+that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation.
+
+Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival
+Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the
+loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded
+have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This
+difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated
+in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions
+in these best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy,
+with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement.
+
+But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for future
+regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this
+invaluable little work; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis,
+and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and
+choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to
+captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface
+of literature; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the
+pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of the
+obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a
+thousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithy
+tale and marvelous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence
+might be enthralled; jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and
+dignity which should ever distinguish the historian. "For a writer of this
+class," observes an elegant critic, "must sustain the character of a wise
+man writing for the instruction of posterity; one who has studied to
+inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and addresses
+himself to our judgment rather than to our imagination."
+
+Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in having incidents
+worthy of swelling the theme of history; and doubly thrice happy is it in
+having such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle
+reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are
+nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their
+prosperity as they rise--who blazons forth the splendor of their noontide
+meridian--who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay--who
+gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot--and who piously,
+at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and rears
+a triumphant monument to transmit their renown to all succeeding ages.
+
+What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless
+ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless
+inquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence--they have
+perished from remembrance for want of a historian! The philanthropist may
+weep over their desolation--the poet may wander among their mouldering
+arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of his
+fancy--but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is
+doomed to confine itself to dull matter of fact, seeks in vain among
+their oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructive
+tale of their glory and their ruin.
+
+"Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, "destroy nations, and
+with them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The
+torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled--a few
+individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of
+generations."
+
+The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will
+happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which
+now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for
+recording their history is gone by: their origin, their foundation,
+together with the early stages of their settlement, are for ever buried in
+the rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fair
+portion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very
+nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about
+entering into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion--if I had not
+dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's
+adamantine fangs were closing upon them for ever! And here have I, as
+before observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip
+and scrap, "_punt en punt, gat en gat_," and commenced in this little
+work, a history to serve as a foundation on which other historians may
+hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until
+Knickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's Rome, or
+Hume and Smollett's England!
+
+And now indulge me for a moment: while I lay down my pen, skip to some
+little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead; and,
+casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll
+between, discover myself--little I--at this moment the progenitor,
+prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of
+literary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back,
+pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality.
+
+Such are the vain-glorious misgivings that will now and then enter into
+the brain of the author--that irradiate, as with celestial light, his
+solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to
+persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these
+rhapsodies whenever they have occurred; not, I trust, from an unusual
+spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea
+how an author thinks and feels while he is writing--a kind of knowledge
+very rare and curious, and much to be desired.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+    [1] Beloe's Herodotus.
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+
+_BOOK I._
+
+CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULATIONS,
+CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+According to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge,
+opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of
+infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid,
+curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginary
+poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the center; thus
+forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal
+revolution.
+
+The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of
+day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively
+presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The
+latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts a
+luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this world
+is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by
+a centripetal or attractive force; otherwise called the attraction of
+gravitation; the combination, or rather the counteraction, of these two
+opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution. Hence result
+the different seasons of the year--viz., spring, summer, autumn, and
+winter.
+
+This I believe to be the most approved modern theory on the subject;
+though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different
+opinions; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great
+antiquity and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by some of the
+ancient sages that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast
+pillars; and by others that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back
+of a huge tortoise; but as they did not provide a resting place for either
+the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground for want
+of proper foundation.
+
+The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and
+moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by
+day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations
+during the night;[2] while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a
+vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of mild, nectar, and other delicious
+liquids; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the
+center by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragon
+occasionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena of
+lunar eclipses.[3]
+
+Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound
+conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of
+Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud el-Hadheli, who is commonly
+called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes the humble title of
+Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He
+has written a universal history, entitled, "Mouroudge-ed-dharab or the
+Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones."[4] In this valuable work
+he has related the history of the world, from the creation down to the
+moment of writing; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the
+month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of the
+Prophet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina
+constitute the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the
+left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us moreover, that an earth has
+existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000
+years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the
+opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance; it will be
+renovated every seventy thousandth hazarouam; each hazarouam consisting of
+12,000 years.
+
+These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers
+concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal
+perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers
+have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire;[5] others that it
+is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal;[6] and a third class,
+at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was nothing but
+a huge ignited mass of iron or stone--indeed he declared the heavens to be
+merely a vault of stone--and that the stars were stones whirled upward
+from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.[7] But
+I give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher, the people
+of Athens having fully refuted them by banishing him from their city; a
+concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former
+days. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fiery
+particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in a
+single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but being
+scattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in various
+points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished,
+not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of
+exhalations for the next occasion.[8]
+
+It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods, in
+consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completely burnt
+out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy
+circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heraclitus, that
+worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various
+speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel that the sun is a
+magnificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certain
+empyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swimming in its transparent
+atmosphere.[9]
+
+But we will not enter further at present into the nature of the sun, that
+being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this
+history; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless
+disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content
+ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, and
+will proceed to illustrate by experiment the complexity of motion therein
+described to this our rotatory planet.
+
+Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered
+into English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profound
+gravity of deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of
+examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who thereby
+worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the
+course of one of his lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket of
+water swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he
+threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his
+arm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a
+substitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the
+globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed
+no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly
+explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them,
+moreover, that the same principle of gravitation which retained the water
+in the bucket restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid
+revolutions; and he farther informed them that should the motion of the
+earth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into the sun,
+through the centripetal force of gravitation: a most ruinous event to this
+planet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably would
+not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those
+vagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men
+of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the
+experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the moment
+that the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
+astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor of
+youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the
+theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket
+perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von
+Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with
+unutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvelously edified,
+and departed considerably wiser than before.
+
+It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a
+painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most
+profound and elaborate efforts; so that often after having invented one
+of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the
+perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly
+contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited
+grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearned
+entirely upon the philosopher; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to
+his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of
+Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is
+continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take
+pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned
+and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the
+foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears
+that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its
+antagonist remains in undiminished potency: the world, therefore,
+according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety
+to tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do so,
+and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prognostics.
+But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her course, not
+withstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university of
+learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in
+very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight
+and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world had not a
+good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the
+parties, and effected a reconciliation.
+
+Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely
+determined to accommodate the theory to the world; he therefore informed
+his brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round the
+sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described
+than it became a regular revolution independent of the cause which gave it
+origin. His learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, being
+heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from
+their embarrassment; and ever since that memorable era the world has been
+left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit
+as she thinks proper.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+    [2] Faria y Souza: Mick. Lus. note b. 7.
+
+    [3] Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod.
+
+    [4] MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr.
+
+    [5] Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib. ii. cap. 20
+
+    [6] Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19; Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81; Stob.
+        Eclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56; Plut. de Plac. Philos.
+
+    [7] Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8; Plat Apol. t. i.
+        p. 26; Plut. de Plac. Philos; Xenoph. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815.
+
+    [8] Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2; Idem. Probl. sec. 15; Stob.
+        Ecl. Phys. 1. i. p. 55; Bruck. Hist. Phil, t. i. p. 1154, etc.
+
+    [9] Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72; Idem. 1801, p. 265; Nich. Philos.
+        Journ. i. p. 13.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some
+idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from
+whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of
+these points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this
+world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned
+island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an
+existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I
+should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe.
+
+And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a
+chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was
+perplexed withal; therefore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts,
+and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the
+left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, or
+have their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which will
+be flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolent
+or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had
+better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of some
+smoother chapter.
+
+Of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts;
+and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation,
+yet every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a
+better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice their
+several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and
+instructed.
+
+Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the
+whole system of the universe was the Deity himself;[10] a doctrine most
+strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, as
+also by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythagoras
+likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and
+triad; and by means of his sacred quaternary, elucidated the formation of
+the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and
+morals.[11] Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and
+triangles; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, the
+octahedron, the icosahedron, and the dodecahedron.[12] While others
+advocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction of
+our globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four material
+elements, air, earth, fire, and water; with the assistance of a fifth, an
+immaterial and vivifying principle.
+
+Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus
+before the siege of Troy; revived by Democritus of laughing memory;
+improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows; and modernized by the
+fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of which
+the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent; whether they are
+animate or inanimate; whether, agreeably, to the opinion of Atheists, they
+were fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, were arranged
+by a supreme intelligence.[13] Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate
+clod, or whether it be animated by a soul,[14] which opinion was
+strenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom
+stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of
+philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine
+of Platonic love--an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better
+adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis than
+to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, which
+populates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit.
+
+Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old
+Hesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode of
+procreation; and the plausible opinion of others, that the earth was
+hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and was
+cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last
+doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,[15] has favored us with an
+accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this
+mundane egg, which is found to bear a marvelous resemblance to that of a
+goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this
+our planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of
+antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latins
+have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that
+their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and
+inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day.
+
+But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of ancient sages, let
+me not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers, which, though
+less universal than renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal
+chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins in the pages
+of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo transformed himself into
+a great boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on
+his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise and a mighty snake; and
+Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he
+placed the earth upon the head of the snake.[16]
+
+The negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by the
+hands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Being
+constructed himself that it might be supremely excellent. And he took
+great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful;
+and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and
+smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his
+descendants, became flat.
+
+The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down from
+heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place
+was covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise,
+paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it
+finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.[17]
+
+But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish
+philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their
+erudition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my
+readers can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more
+intelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors.
+
+And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that this
+globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of
+the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the
+collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross
+vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted,
+according to their densities, earth, water, and air, which gradually
+arranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round the
+burning or vitrified mass that formed their center.
+
+Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were
+universally paramount; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the
+earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and
+mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other
+words, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing that
+of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a
+fountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of
+tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and
+thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before half
+the hideous task was accomplished.
+
+Whistorn, the same ingenious philosopher who rivaled Ditton in his
+researches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swift
+discharged on their heads a most savory stanza), has distinguished himself
+by a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it
+was originally a chaotic comet, which, being selected for the abode of
+man, was removed from its eccentric orbit; and whirled round the sun in
+its present regular motion; by which change of direction, order succeeded
+to confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The philosopher
+adds that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery
+tail of another comet; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved
+condition; thus furnishing a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevail
+even among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial
+harmony of the spheres so melodiously sung by the poets.
+
+But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of
+Burnet, and Woodward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my time
+will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve; and shall
+conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is
+as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulity
+as serious research, and who has recommended himself wonderfully to the
+good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries,
+amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora,
+has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According
+to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode,
+like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded the sun--which, in
+its flight, by a similar convulsion, exploded the earth, which in like
+guise exploded the moon--and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, the
+whole solar system was produced, and set most systematically in
+motion![18]
+
+By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if
+thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its
+parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude that the
+creation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined.
+I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could
+be constructed; and I have no doubt that had any of the philosophers above
+quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical
+warehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to manufacture, a planet
+as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we
+inhabit.
+
+And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence in creating
+comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their
+assistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the
+system of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the
+wonder-working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in his
+theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds,
+and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has
+but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and away he
+gallops in triumph like an enchanter on his hippogriff, or a Connecticut
+witch on her broomstick, "to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky."
+
+It is an old and vulgar saying about a "beggar on horseback" which I would
+not for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers; but I must
+confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery
+steeds, are as wild in their curvettings as was Phaeton of yore, when he
+aspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus. One drives his comet at full
+speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mighty
+concussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of
+burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and faggots; a third, of
+more combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet like a
+bombshell into the world, and blow it up like a powder magazine; while a
+fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants,
+insinuates that some day or other his comet--my modest pen blushes while I
+write it--shall absolutely turn tail upon our world and deluge it with
+water! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully
+provided by Providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them in
+manufacturing theories.
+
+And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur
+to my recollection, I leave my judicious readers at full liberty to
+choose among them. They are all serious speculations of learned men--all
+differ essentially from each other--and all have the same title to belief.
+It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the
+works of their predecessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in their
+stead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles
+of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius,
+of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errors
+and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and
+absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories
+are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of science
+amuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid
+admiration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom!
+Surely Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a
+soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally
+incomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be found
+not worthy the trouble of discovery.
+
+For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement among
+themselves, I shall content myself with the account handed down to us by
+Moses; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors of
+Connecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colony
+should be governed by the laws of God--until they had time to make better.
+
+One thing, however, appears certain--from the unanimous authority of the
+before quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of our own senses
+(which, though very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted as
+additional testimony)--it appears, I say, and I make the assertion
+deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was
+created, and that it is composed of land and water. It further appears
+that it is curiously divided and parceled out into continents and islands,
+among which I boldly declare the renowned island of New York will be found
+by any one who seeks for it in its proper place.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [10] Aristot. ap, Cic. lib. i. cap. 3.
+
+   [11] Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5.; Idem, de Coelo, 1. iii, c.
+        I; Rousseau mem. sur Musique ancien. p. 39; Plutarch de Plac.
+        Philos. lib. i. cap. 3.
+
+   [12] Tim. Locr. ap. Plato. t. iii. p. 90.
+
+   [13] Aristot. Nat. Auscult. I. ii. cap. 6; Aristoph. Metaph. lib.
+        i. cap. 3; Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10; Justin Mart. orat.
+        ad gent. p. 20.
+
+   [14] Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4; Tim. de anim. mund. ap. Plat.
+        lib. iii.; Mem. de l'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. p. 19.
+
+   [15] Book i. ch. 5.
+
+   [16] Holwell, Gent. Philosophy.
+
+   [17] Johannes Megapolensis. Jun. Account of Maquaas or Mohawk Indians.
+
+   [18] Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. cant. i. 1. 105.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat three sons, Shem,
+Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting who affirm that the
+patriarch had a number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him father of
+the gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus
+(who was the first inventor of Johnny cakes); and others have mentioned a
+son, named Thuiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or, in
+other words, the Dutch nation.
+
+I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to
+gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating minutely
+the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would be
+attended with more trouble than many people would imagine; for the good
+old patriarch seems to have been a great traveler in his day, and to have
+passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The
+Chaldeans, for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name into
+Xisuthrus--a trivial alteration, which to an historian skilled in
+etymologies will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, likewise, that he
+had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the
+gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals.
+The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu;
+the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges; and the Theban with
+Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most
+extensive and authentic historians, inasmuch as they have known the world
+much longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi;
+and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is that it is a
+fact, admitted by the most enlightened _literati_, that Noah traveled into
+China, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to
+improve himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shuckford
+gives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain on
+the frontiers of China.
+
+From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses many
+satisfactory deductions might be drawn; but I shall content myself with
+the simple fact stated in the Bible--viz., that Noah begat three sons,
+Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure
+contingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the
+most distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitably
+consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover
+these mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest triumph of his skill
+to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation, which at first
+sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my
+readers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can
+possibly have with this history; and many will stare when informed that
+the whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character and
+course from the simplest circumstance of the patriarch's having but three
+sons--but to explain.
+
+Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole
+surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee simple, after the
+deluge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children.
+To Shem he gave Asia; to Ham, Africa; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a
+thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there
+been a fourth he would doubtless have inherited America, which, of
+course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion;
+and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been
+spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first
+discovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having provided
+for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as mere
+wild unsettled land, and said nothing about it; and to this unpardonable
+taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America
+did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe.
+
+It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards
+posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was
+the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that
+ponderosity of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to his
+nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the
+globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion
+for the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious and
+enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his
+aversion to the marvelous, common to all great travelers, is conclusively
+of the same opinion; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the
+manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under
+the immediate direction of the great Noah. "I have already observed,"
+exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, "that it is
+an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to
+penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect,
+I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously
+believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and
+that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a ship
+which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals
+and quicksands to guard against, should be ignorant of, or should not
+have communicates to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean?
+Therefore, they did sail on the ocean--therefore, they sailed to
+America--therefore, America was discovered by Noah!"
+
+Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly
+characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather
+than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it
+a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained
+the thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am
+inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the
+worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of
+more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate
+historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of
+antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are
+particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the
+ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravely
+give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far
+more copious and accurate than the Bible; and that, in the course of
+another century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among
+historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of
+Robinson Crusoe.
+
+I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional
+suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first
+discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overload
+themselves in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous
+world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling,
+and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works,
+which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of
+straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established
+the fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country has
+been discovered I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be
+extremely brief upon this point.
+
+I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was first
+discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet,
+which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that
+Carthaginian expedition which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discovered
+the Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony from
+Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether
+it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness
+advances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron; nor be Behem the
+German navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savants of
+the learned city of Philadelphia.
+
+Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on
+the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who, having never
+returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to
+America, and that for a plain reason if he did not go there, where else
+could he have gone?--a question which most Socratically shuts out all
+further dispute.
+
+Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a
+multitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the
+vulgar opinion that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492,
+by Christopher Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus,
+but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of
+this Colon I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently
+known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been
+called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident.
+
+Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture
+them to myself, all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of
+promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into
+their possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of a
+regular bred historian! No--no--most curious and thrice-learned readers
+(for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and
+nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we have
+yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this
+fair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a
+country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might
+revel at their ease? No such thing. They had forests to cut down,
+underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In
+like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and
+paradoxes to explain before I permit you to range at random; but these
+difficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily
+through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the
+nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been
+found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense--this being an
+improvement in history which I claim the merit of having invented.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history
+is to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled--a
+point fruitful of incredible embarrassments; for unless we prove that the
+aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately
+asserted in this age of scepticism, that they did not come at all; and if
+they did not come at all, then was this country never populated--a
+conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly
+irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must
+syllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populous
+region.
+
+To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so
+many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been
+plundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained! and how many
+capacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for ever
+confounded! I pause with reverential awe when I contemplate the ponderous
+tomes in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve
+this question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involved
+in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged
+in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and, after leading us a
+weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the
+end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless
+some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet
+Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematises most
+heartily as "an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry about
+unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and
+to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done." But to proceed.
+
+Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this
+country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my
+last chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of
+Abraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), when he first
+discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with a
+shrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had found
+the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing
+the temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remains
+of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the
+precious ore.
+
+So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was
+too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of
+learning; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to
+swear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities
+and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robert Stephens
+declared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the least
+hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early
+settlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, and several other
+sagacious writers lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras,
+which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of an
+arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability.
+
+Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure when in
+trudges a phalanx of opposite authors with Hans de Laet, the great
+Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about
+their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claims
+to the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocal
+symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to
+be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who has
+always effected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. "A remark,"
+says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, "made by all good authors who have
+spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, besides,
+on the authority of the fathers of the church."
+
+Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled to
+mention Lopez de Gomara and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites,
+being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a
+panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take
+breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither
+their national language, manners, nor features with them it is supposed
+they left them behind in the hurry of their flight. I cannot give my
+faith to this opinion.
+
+I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, who being both an
+ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, that
+North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that
+Peru was founded by a colony from China--Manco or Mungo Capac, the first
+Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely mention that
+Father Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians,
+Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a
+skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celtæ, Marinocus the Sicilian
+to the Romans, Le Comte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martin
+d'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De Laet,
+that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor.
+
+Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is
+the fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveler Marco
+Polo the Venetian; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis,
+described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish
+assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally
+furnished with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion of Dr.
+Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the
+Indian race; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin,
+so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is
+accidentally descended foam a remarkable family of monkeys!
+
+This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very
+ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing
+in stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once
+electrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders.
+Little did I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to be
+treated with equal discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholding
+these grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transformations of the
+hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and
+with one hypocritical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determined
+from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories,
+but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they
+transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to
+this great field of theoretical warfare.
+
+This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water.
+Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first by the
+north of Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by regions
+southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his
+Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea,
+through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; and various
+writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for the
+accommodation of these travelers, have fastened the two continents
+together by a strong chain of deductions--by which means they could pass
+over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious old
+gentleman, who compiles books and manufactures geographies, has
+constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the
+distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits-for which he is
+entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever
+did or ever will pass over it.
+
+It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above
+quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring
+hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In
+this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird,
+which, in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all
+the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to
+impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle
+productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care
+that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack
+each other.
+
+My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one
+has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon--or
+that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white
+bears cruise about the northern oceans--or that they were conveyed hither
+by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais--or by
+witchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars--or after the manner of
+the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on
+full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of a
+golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo.
+
+But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been
+peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth
+all the rest; it is--by accident! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New
+Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes: "In
+fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been
+so by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it
+not have been at the same time, and by the same means, with the other
+parts of the globe?" This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions
+from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves
+the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world
+without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the
+dexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the
+gordian knot--"Nothing," says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of both
+hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common
+father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the
+world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it was
+necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been
+overcome!" Pious logician! how does he put all the herd of laborious
+theorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what it has cost them
+volumes to prove they knew nothing about!
+
+From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have
+consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned
+reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however,
+are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has
+actually been peopled (Q.E.D.) to support which we have living proofs in
+the numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has been
+peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors,
+who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been
+eye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this country had a
+variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit
+by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better.
+The question, therefore, I trust, is for ever at rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an
+adventurous knight, who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of
+establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry to turn back for
+no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy
+he may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and
+fall to with might and main at those doughty questions and subtle
+paradoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance
+to my history, and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And at
+this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by
+the beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in my
+historic undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall
+have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to
+conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work.
+
+The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first
+discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country without
+first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate
+compensation for their territory?--a question which has withstood many
+fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of
+kind-hearted folk. And, indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to
+rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they
+inhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied conscience.
+
+The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is
+discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which has
+never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an
+uninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered as
+enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.[19]
+
+This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that the Europeans who
+first visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing being
+necessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it
+was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point
+of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world
+abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had
+something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible
+sounds, very much like language; in short, had a marvelous resemblance to
+human beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the
+discoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by
+establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this
+point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the Pope and of all
+Christian voyagers and discoverers.
+
+They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian writers arose on the
+other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established,
+that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals,
+detestable monsters, and many of them giants--which last description of
+vagrants have, since the time of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered
+as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or
+song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to be
+people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous
+custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh.
+
+Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism; among many other
+writers of discernment, Ulla tells us, "their imbecility is so visible
+that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of
+the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally
+insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as
+contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no
+impression on them, and respect as little." All this is furthermore
+supported by the authority of M. Boggier. "It is not easy," says he, "to
+describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its
+advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when
+one would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money;
+they answer they are not hungry." And Vane gas confirms the whole,
+assuring us that "ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being
+thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us--honor, fame,
+reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions--are unknown among them. So
+that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good and
+real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy
+mortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason is
+not completed."
+
+Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlightened states of
+Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as
+having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere
+talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sages
+and philosophers; yet were they clearly proved in the present instance to
+betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human
+character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these
+unhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument, advanced still
+stronger proofs; for as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and
+among the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and have no beards!
+"They have nothing," says Lullus, "of the reasonable animal, except the
+mask." And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was
+soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion--and being of a
+copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes--and
+negroes are black, "and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing
+themselves, "is the color of the devil!" Therefore, so far from being able
+to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom--for liberty
+is too radiant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which
+circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and
+Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they
+infested--that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless,
+black-seed--mere wild beasts of the forests and, like them, should either
+be subdued or exterminated.
+
+From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally
+conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this
+fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling
+wilderness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts; and that the
+transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein, by
+the right of discovery.
+
+This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the
+right acquired by cultivation. "The cultivation of the soil," we are told,
+"is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is
+appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants; but it would be
+incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged
+by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share.
+Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having
+fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by
+rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as
+savage and pernicious beasts."[20]
+
+Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture when
+first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly,
+unrighteous life, rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting
+upon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to
+yield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown
+that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured,
+and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country seats, and
+pleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothing
+about--therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence had
+bestowed on them--therefore they were careless stewards--therefore, they
+had no right to the soil--therefore, they deserved to be exterminated.
+
+It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from
+the land which their simple wants required--they found plenty of game to
+hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth,
+furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that as
+Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wants
+of man, so long as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven was
+accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the
+blessings around them--they were so much the more savages for not having
+more wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and it
+is this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires that
+distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having
+more wants, were very unreasonable animals; and it was but just that they
+should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one,
+and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating
+it more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides--Grotius and Lauterbach,
+and Puffendorf, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered
+the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot
+be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it--nothing but
+precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can
+establish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never having
+read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these
+necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil,
+but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had
+more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial,
+desires than themselves.
+
+In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated country, therefore, the
+new comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid
+doctrine, was their own property--therefore in opposing them, the savages
+were invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature,
+and counteracting the will of Heaven--therefore, they were guilty of
+impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case--therefore, they were hardened
+offenders against God and man--therefore, they ought to be exterminated.
+
+But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one
+which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be
+blessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired by
+civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor
+savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, what
+is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of
+their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe
+behold their sad condition than they immediately went to work to
+ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy,
+and the other comforts of life--and it is astonishing to read how soon the
+poor savages learn to estimate those blessings--they likewise made known
+to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are
+alleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits and
+enjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced among
+them the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By these and a
+variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages
+wonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had
+before been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has most
+wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race
+of beings.
+
+But the most important branch of civilization, and which has most
+strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Roman
+Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight
+that might well inspire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among the
+dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of
+religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober,
+frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but though they acted right
+habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new
+comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and
+practice the true religion--except, indeed, that of setting them the
+example.
+
+But not withstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was
+the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they
+ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors,
+and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate;
+most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, the advocates of
+Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too
+much for human patience? Would not one suppose that the benign visitants
+from Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their
+stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores, and
+consigned them to their original ignorance and misery? But no: so zealous
+were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these
+pagan infidels that they even proceeded from the milder means of
+persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution--let
+loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious
+bloodhounds--purified them by fire and sword, by stake and faggot; in
+consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love
+and charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one fifth of
+the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found there
+at the time of its discovery.
+
+What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country than
+this? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted
+with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of which they
+were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and
+smoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, and
+absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the
+vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage
+their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; and
+have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on
+things above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father,
+in a letter to his superior in Spain: "Can any one have the presumption to
+say that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than an
+inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a
+little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a
+glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven."
+
+Here then are three complete and undeniable sources of right established,
+any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the
+newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain
+parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discovery
+has been so strenuously asserted--the influence of cultivation so
+industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so
+zealously persecuted; that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions,
+oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the
+skirts of great benefits--the savage aborigines have, somehow or other,
+been utterly annihilated--and this all at once brings me to a fourth
+right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original
+claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to
+inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate
+occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds
+to the clothes of the malefactor--and as they have Blackstone[21] and all
+the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions
+of ejectment at defiance--and this last right may be entitled the right by
+extermination, or in other words, the right by gunpowder.
+
+But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to
+settle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI.
+issued a mighty Bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered
+quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese; who, thus having law
+and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal,
+showed the pagan savages neither favor nor affection, but persecuted the
+work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten
+times more fury than ever.
+
+Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly
+entitled to the soil, and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to
+the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far,
+endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains,
+for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and
+heathenish condition; for having made them acquainted with the comforts of
+life; for having introduced among them the light of religion; and,
+finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward!
+
+But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when
+it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this
+question should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case,
+by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers.
+
+Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, by astonishing
+advancement in science, and by profound insight into that ineffable lunar
+philosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the
+feebled optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our
+globe--let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by these
+means, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviable
+state of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate the
+boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring
+philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the
+stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg
+my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too
+frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave
+speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein
+at present; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may
+deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and
+many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares and
+contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have
+I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were most
+probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon
+discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in
+the air or cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and
+incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigating
+floating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages. We
+have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our
+planet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their
+sea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerial
+vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that
+between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their
+discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations;
+but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my
+reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his
+attentive consideration.
+
+To return, then, to my supposition--let us suppose that the aerial
+visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to
+ourselves--that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of
+extermination--riding on hippogriffs--defended with impenetrable
+armor--armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines,
+to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity
+will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and
+consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they
+first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only our
+self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poor
+savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the
+terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly
+convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous,
+powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment the
+lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or
+even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic.
+
+Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet to
+be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wild
+beasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his most
+gracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding however
+that their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, on
+account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our
+worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty
+Bonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their native
+planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as
+spectacles in the courts of Europe.
+
+Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they
+shall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I can
+conjecture, the following terms:----
+
+"Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
+can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
+and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
+thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
+course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
+dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
+monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
+important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
+totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
+everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
+heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms--have two eyes
+instead of one--are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
+unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
+pea-green.
+
+"We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the
+utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own
+wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community
+of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers
+of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy
+among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians.
+Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary
+wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to
+introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We
+have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrous
+oxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the
+females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts
+of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the
+contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the
+profound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable,
+immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these
+wretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and
+adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublime
+doctrines of the moon--nay, among other abominable heresies they even went
+so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of
+nothing more nor less than green cheese!"
+
+At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very profound
+philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal
+authority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilome his
+holiness the Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying,
+"That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and taken
+possession of a newly-discovered planet called the earth; and that whereas
+it is inhabited by none but a race of two-legged animals that carry their
+heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms; cannot talk the
+Lunatic language; have two eyes instead of one; are destitute of tails,
+and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green--therefore, and for a
+variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of
+possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title
+to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, the
+colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are
+authorised and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel
+savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and
+absolute Lunatics."
+
+In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic benefactors go to
+work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us
+from our rightful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we are
+unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say,
+"Miserable barbarians! ungrateful wretches! have we not come thousands of
+miles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you with
+moonshine! have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide? does not our
+moon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to murmur, when
+we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits?" But finding that we not
+only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in
+their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property,
+their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior
+powers of argument; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us with
+concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moonstones; until having
+by main force converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit
+us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of
+Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of
+lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened
+savages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable
+forests of the north, or the impenetrable wilderness of South America.
+
+Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly illustrated, the right
+of the early colonists to the possession of this country; and thus is this
+gigantic question completely vanquished: so having manfully surmounted all
+obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should
+forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a
+manner besieging? But hold: before I proceed another step I must pause to
+take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in
+preparing to begin this most accurate of histories. And in this I do but
+imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a
+start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having
+run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself
+quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his
+leisure.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [19] Grotius: Puffendorf, b. v. c. 4, Vattel, b. i. c. 18, etc.
+
+   [20] Vattel, b. i. ch. 17.
+
+   [21] Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK II._
+
+TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, when
+employed to build the large stone church at Rotterdam, which stands about
+three hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, and
+which is so conveniently constructed that all the zealous Christians of
+Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church in
+the city--my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous
+church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; then
+having purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the best
+Virginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three
+months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months
+more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the trekschuit, from Rotterdam
+to Amsterdam--to Delft--to Haerlem--to Leyden--to the Hague, knocking his
+head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he
+advance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in full
+sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did
+he spend three months longer in walking round it and round it;
+contemplating it, first from one point of view and then from another--now
+he would be paddled by it on the canal--now would he peep at it through a
+telescope, from the other side of the Meuse--and now would he take a
+bird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of those gigantic windmills
+which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on
+the tiptoe of expectation and impatience--notwithstanding all the turmoil
+of my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen;
+they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that
+its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he
+had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing
+and paddling, and talking and walking--having traveled over all Holland,
+and even taken a peep into France and Germany--having smoked five hundred
+and ninety-nine pipes and three hundredweight of the best Virginia
+tobacco--my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing and
+industrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's business
+sooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair of
+breeches, he advanced sturdily up, and laid the corner-stone of the
+church, in the presence of the whole multitude--just at the commencement
+of the thirteenth month.
+
+In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full
+before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history.
+The honest Rotterdammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing
+nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world of
+prefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of the
+ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose that
+all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and final
+settlement of America, were totally irrelevant and superfluous--and that
+the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced
+than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistaken
+in their conjectures. In consequence of going to work slowly and
+deliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one of the
+most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in the known
+world--excepting that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it was
+begun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not afford to finish
+more than the wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to
+finish this work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth,
+I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the
+latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the great
+American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small
+subject--which nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of
+historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story.
+
+In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the
+five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that "worthy and
+irrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called), Master Henry
+Hudson," set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon,
+being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-west
+passage to China.
+
+Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a
+seafaring man of renown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter
+Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland,
+which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find
+great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short,
+square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and a
+broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its
+fiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe.
+
+He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's
+cocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking
+up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not
+unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hard
+north-westers which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring.
+
+Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so
+little; and I have been thus particular in his description, for the
+benefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him as
+he was; and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make
+him look like a Cæsar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere.
+
+As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose Master Robert
+Juet, of Limehouse, in England. By some his name has been spelt Chewit,
+and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that
+ever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy; more
+especially as certain of his progeny are living at this day, who write
+their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great
+Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in a
+neighboring pond, when they were little boys; from whence, it is said, the
+commodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is
+that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be a unlucky
+urchin prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows.
+
+He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a rambling, heedless
+varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, meeting with more
+perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more
+wise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he comforted himself
+with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim that "it will be
+all the same thing a hundred years hence." He was skilled in the art of
+carving anchors and true lovers' knot on the bulk-heads and quarter
+railings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of
+his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making a
+wry face at old Hendrick when his back was turned.
+
+To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning
+this voyage, of which he wrote a history, at the request of the commodore,
+who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having received
+so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of
+Master Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I have
+availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my
+great-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of
+cabin-boy.
+
+From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the
+voyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an
+expedition into my work without making any more of it.
+
+Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil--the crew, being
+a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but little
+troubled with the disease of thinking--a malady of the mind, which is the
+sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and
+sour-krout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless
+the wind blew. True it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or
+three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus,
+for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and the
+weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch
+seamen as certain weather-breeders, or prognostics, that the weather would
+change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to that
+ancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at
+night, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by which precaution they had a
+good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning,
+and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark. He
+likewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six
+pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert; and no man
+was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as
+is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances,
+though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquillity of
+the honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; they ate hugely,
+drank profusely, and slept immeasurably; and being under the especial
+guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast of
+America; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and
+on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic
+bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York,
+and which had never before been visited by any European.[22]
+
+It has been traditionary in our family that when the great navigator was
+first blessed with a view of this enchanting island, he was observed, for
+the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of
+astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to master Juet, and
+uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of
+the new world--"See! there!"--and thereupon, as was always his way when he
+was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke
+that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juet
+was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog.
+
+"It was indeed," as my great-grandfather used to say, though in truth I
+never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born--"it
+was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled for ever, in ever
+new and never-ending beauties." The island of Manna-hata spread wide
+before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of
+industrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above
+another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth; some pointing their
+tapering foliage towards the clouds which were gloriously transparent, and
+others loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing their
+branches to the earth that was covered with flowers. On the gentle
+declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, the
+sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms
+glowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foliage; and here
+and there a curling column of smoke rising from the little glens that
+opened along the shore seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome at
+the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entranced
+attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers,
+issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonder
+the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver
+lake, sounded the war-whoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer,
+to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard
+such a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives.
+
+Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the
+latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried currants; how they brought great
+store of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and
+how he was buried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider them
+unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order
+to refresh themselves after their seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor,
+to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is
+said, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck; though we
+are assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by John
+Josselyn, gent., that it was called the Mohegan;[23] and Master Richard
+Bloome, who wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same--so that I very
+much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be
+this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, little
+doubting but it would turn to be the much-looked-for passage to China!
+
+The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew
+and the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would be
+impertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the
+following dry joke, played off by the old commodore and his schoolfellow
+Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy
+that I cannot refrain from inserting it. "Our master and his mate
+determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey whether they had
+any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave
+them so much wine and acqua vitæ that they were all merrie; and one of
+them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countrey
+women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke,
+which had been aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there,
+and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it."[24]
+
+Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives
+were an honest, social race of jolly roysterers, who had no objection to
+a drinking bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodore
+chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his
+cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the
+satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University of
+Leyden--which done, he proceeded on his voyage with great
+self-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the
+river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow
+and confined, the current more rapid and perfectly fresh--phenomena not
+uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchman
+prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated
+full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's
+running aground--whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was but
+little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was
+despatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return,
+confirmed the opinion; upon this the ship was warped off and put about
+with great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to
+govern; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of my
+great-great-grandfather, returned down the river--with a prodigious flea
+in his ear!
+
+Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China,
+unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a
+fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was
+received with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who were
+very much rejoiced to see him come back safe--with their ship; and at a
+large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of
+Amsterdam it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward for
+the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had
+made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and it
+continues to be called Hudson River unto this very day.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [22] True it is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a
+        certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is
+        to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by one
+        Giovanni, or John Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined
+        to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited
+        nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enterprising
+        Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the countenance of
+        certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter
+        disbelief, and that for various good and substantial reasons:
+        First, because on strict examination it will be found that the
+        description given by this Verazzani applies about as well to the
+        bay of New York as it does to my nightcap. Secondly, because that
+        this John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to feel a most
+        bitter enmity, is a native of Florence, and everybody knows the
+        crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched
+        away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly
+        called Columbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman,
+        Amerigo Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to
+        rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this
+        beauteous island, adorned by the city of New York, and placing it
+        beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I
+        award my decision in favor of the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson,
+        inasmuch as his expedition sailed from Holland, being truly and
+        absolutely a Dutch enterprise; and though all the proofs in the
+        world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at
+        nought as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not
+        sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I
+        can say is they are degenerate descendants from their venerable
+        Dutch ancestors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing.
+        Thus, therefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned
+        discovery is fully vindicated.
+
+   [23] This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as
+        Manhattan--Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river.
+
+   [24] Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet of the
+country they had discovered excited not a little talk and speculation
+among the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted by
+Government to an association of merchants, called the West India Company,
+for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected a
+trading-house called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the
+great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and
+colonizing enterprises which took place; among which was that of Mynheer
+Adrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous
+for its cheese--and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth
+to this renowned city.
+
+It was some three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrick
+that a crew of honest Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city of
+Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history,
+and a great proof of the darkness of the age and the lamentable neglect of
+the noble art of book-making, since so industriously cultivated by knowing
+sea-captains and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interesting
+and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my
+great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled
+to give concerning it--he having once more embarked for this country, with
+a full determination, as he said, of ending his days here--and of
+begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the
+land.
+
+The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail was called the
+Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the president of
+the West India Company, who was allowed by everybody, except her husband,
+to be a sweet-tempered lady--when not in liquor. It was in truth a most
+gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the
+ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model
+their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, it
+had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one
+hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the taffrail. Like the
+beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam,
+it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous catheads, a copper
+bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop.
+
+The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decorating
+the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune or Hercules, which
+heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and
+shipwreck of many a noble vessel, he I say, on the contrary, did laudably
+erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low,
+broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that
+reached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the staunch
+ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the
+great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwise
+engaged, rung a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion.
+
+My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly
+prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St.
+Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to
+common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along
+very nearly as fast with the wind a head as when it was a-poop, and was
+particularly great in a calm; in consequence of which singular advantage
+she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to
+anchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island.
+
+Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at present called the
+Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of
+spreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in
+stupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately dispatched to
+enter into a treaty with them, and, approaching the shore, hailed them
+through a trumpet in the most friendly terms; but so horribly confounded
+were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low
+Dutch language that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered
+over the Bergen Hills: nor did they stop until they had buried themselves,
+head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably
+perished to a man; and their bones being collected and decently covered by
+the Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound called
+Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the center of the salt marshes a
+little to the east of the Newark Causeway.
+
+Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in
+triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General; and marching fearlessly
+forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, not withstanding that
+it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and
+pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the
+excellences of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed St.
+Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle their
+colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of
+piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for
+the constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore was
+peculiarly favorable to the building of docks; in a word, this spot
+abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch City.
+On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw,
+they one and all determined that this was the destined end of their
+voyage. Accordingly, they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women and
+children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and
+formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the
+Indian name Communipaw.
+
+As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with Communipaw, it may
+seem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my
+readers will please to recollect, that not withstanding it is my chief
+desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and
+have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of
+centuries yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for this
+invaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh,
+and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct--sunk and forgotten in
+its own mud--its inhabitants turned into oysters,[25] and even its
+situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headed
+investigation among indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescue
+from oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whence
+was hatched the mighty city of New York!
+
+Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated among
+rural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known
+in ancient legends by the name of Pavonia,[26] and commands a grand
+prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's
+sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be
+distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well known fact, which I can
+testify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening you
+may hear from the battery of New York the obstreperous peals of
+broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most
+other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly the
+case on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and
+observant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood
+of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to the
+circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on.
+
+These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, engross all the
+knowledge of the place, and, being infinitely more adventurous, and more
+knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, making
+frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk and
+cabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of
+weather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are, moreover, exquisite
+performers on three-stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast the
+far-famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse nor an ox in the place,
+when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears
+the well known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from their
+amazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingers they are regarded
+with as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore when
+initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers.
+
+As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound
+philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads
+about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they live
+in profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anxieties, and
+revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them
+do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from
+tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island; that Spiking-devil and
+the Narrows are the two ends of the world; that the country is still under
+the dominion of their High Mightinesses, and that the city of New York
+still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday
+afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a
+square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent
+pipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug
+of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom they imagine is still
+sweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead.
+
+Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in the
+vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strongholds
+and fastnesses whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have
+retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous
+strictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate
+from father to son--the identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat,
+and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; and
+several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that made
+gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language
+likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations; and so
+critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that his
+reading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the
+filing of a hand-saw.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [25] Men by inaction degenerate into oysters.--Kaimes.
+
+   [26] Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country
+        extending from about Hoboken to Amboy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter
+discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw,
+as being the mother settlement; and having given a faithful picture of it
+as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of
+self-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede
+Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, the
+settlement went jollily on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The
+neighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound
+of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between
+them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and
+the Dutch to long silence; in this particular, therefore, they
+accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches
+about the big bull, the wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others
+would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her;
+whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the
+new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the
+latter in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught them
+the art of making bargains.
+
+A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch traders were
+scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight,
+establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of a
+Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true the simple
+Indians were often puzzled by the great disproportion between bulk and
+weight, for let them place a bundle of furs never so large in one scale,
+and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to
+kick the beam; never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two
+pounds in the market of Communipaw!
+
+This is a singular fact; but I have it direct from my
+great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in the
+colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on account of the
+uncommon heaviness of his foot.
+
+The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very
+thriving appearance, and were comprehended under the general title of
+Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their
+great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, which indeed was truly
+remarkable, excepting that the former was rugged and mountainous, and the
+latter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch
+colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain
+Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, Governor of
+Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded
+their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this
+arrogant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted
+for the time, like discreet and reasonable men.
+
+It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of
+Communipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in
+sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that they fell
+to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence; insomuch that they
+quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and
+marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, and
+overhung the fair regions of Pavonia--so that the terrible Captain Argal
+passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay
+snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In
+commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants have
+continued to smoke almost without intermission unto this very day, which
+is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over
+Communipaw of a clear afternoon.
+
+Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous ancestors took full six
+months to recover their wind, having been exceedingly discomposed by the
+consternation and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of safety
+to smoke over the state of the provinces. At this council presided one
+Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who had originally been one of a set of peripatetic
+philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side
+of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland; enjoying, like Diogenes, a
+free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or
+Lackland) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to
+indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he
+had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita; and he had come out
+to the new world to look after them.
+
+Like all land speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did
+anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had
+previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict
+events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly
+valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of
+antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his
+waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any
+great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same may be
+said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the
+Dreamer.
+
+As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit;
+and he was as much a lackland as ever. Still he carried a high head in the
+community: if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it
+oft with a taller cock's tail; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, he
+puffed it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of a
+hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was
+not a mere ruffle.
+
+The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of
+emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site
+for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St.
+Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom he
+had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he
+bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw.
+
+Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt,
+who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye, because he
+had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was
+anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be
+present at the distribution of "town lots." But we must not give heed to
+such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthy
+gentlemen engaged in laying out towns and in other land speculations.
+
+This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who chose
+as lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mynheers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus Van
+Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck--three indubitably great men, but of whose
+history, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little
+previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise;
+for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have
+seldom much celebrity in their own countries; but this much is certain
+that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariably
+composed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot help
+remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great
+families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes
+of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly
+announced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign
+country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being
+kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has
+been occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other
+illustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, has been
+completely discountenanced in this sceptical, matter-of-fact age; and I
+even question whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally and
+unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor
+firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a
+shower of gold, or a river god.
+
+Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I
+should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that
+of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt--that is to say,
+from the dirt--gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, the
+Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra or the Earth! This
+supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known
+that all the progeny of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature; and Van
+Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with
+an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van
+Zandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to belief than what is related
+and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest,
+men, who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from a
+dunghill!
+
+Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time,
+which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little
+man; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was
+familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches.
+
+Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular but
+ludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth,
+I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible with
+the gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentleman should
+likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the
+most ignoble part of the dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems to
+have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors,
+in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been
+pronounced "the seat of honor."
+
+The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, Tin Broeck, has
+been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. The most
+elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or
+rather Thin, Breeches; whence they infer that the original bearer of it
+was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest,
+and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly
+philosophical stanza:----
+
+    "Then why should we quarrel for riches,
+      Or any such glittering toys?
+    A light heart and thin pair of breeches
+      Will go through the world, my brave boys!"
+
+The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in favor of the other
+reading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man,
+who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to
+introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of
+breeches.
+
+Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany
+him in this voyage into unknown realms; as to the names of his crews they
+have not been handed down by history.
+
+Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air,
+among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Oloffe had become
+familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine
+when a storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful husband can
+foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about
+his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage, when the skies
+appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's
+rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills; precautions
+taken by our forefathers, even in after times when they became more
+adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or
+any other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappen Zee.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+And now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon the
+rising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his
+blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that
+delicious season of the year when Nature, breaking from the chilling
+thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a
+sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into
+the arms of youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove
+resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they
+sipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the
+joyous epithalamium--the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, "the
+voice of the turtle was heard in the land," and the heart of man dissolved
+away in tenderness. Oh, sweet Theocritus! had I thine oaten reed,
+wherewith thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains; or, oh, gentle
+Bion! thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so
+much delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent
+Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save this
+jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign all
+poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose;
+comforting myself with the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetly
+upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virgin
+modesty, to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of
+truth.
+
+No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of
+Communipaw than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from
+his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a
+far-resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did
+they trudge resolutely down to the water side, escorted by a multitude of
+relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses
+it, "to see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long family
+processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and
+sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting some bevy of country
+cousins about to depart for home in a market-boat.
+
+The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and
+hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a
+tub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now,
+all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the
+beach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of hearing,
+wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care of
+themselves, not to get drowned--with an abundance of other of those sage
+and invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down to
+the sea in ships, and adventure upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the
+voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay,
+and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia.
+
+And first they touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite
+Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence about
+the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the
+Highlands and made its way to the ocean.[27] For, in this tremendous
+uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land
+were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for
+sixty or seventy miles; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just
+opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while
+others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficient
+proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands
+is exactly similar to that of the Highlands; and moreover, one of our
+philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their
+respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence,
+that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on
+Anthony's nose.[28]
+
+Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's
+Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries.
+They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted
+much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did
+greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country.
+
+Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by,
+turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element
+in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was
+greatly rejoiced. "This," exclaimed he, "if I mistake not, augurs
+well--the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish--a burgomaster among
+fishes--his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admire
+this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success
+of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the
+track of these alderman fishes.
+
+Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait,
+vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses
+through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van
+Kortlandt had embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in
+a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, who
+had all his life long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of
+canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some
+supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some
+fair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations.
+
+Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous
+point of land since called Corlear's Hook,[29] and leaving to the right
+the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent
+expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was
+exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around
+them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at
+a distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in fishing, who
+seemed more like the genii of this romantic region--their slender canoe
+lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay.
+
+At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little
+troubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's
+boat was stationed a valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being
+interpreted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage).
+
+No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled with
+excessive valor, and although a good half mile distant, he seized a
+musketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most
+intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled,
+and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate
+with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of
+this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with
+consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one
+of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore.
+
+This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of the
+achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay,
+and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present.
+The heart of the good Van Kortlandt--who, having no land of his own, was a
+great admirer of other people's--expanded to the full size of a peppercorn
+at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and
+falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in the
+possession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of
+cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the
+sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this
+land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for
+shore; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of
+Bellevue--that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of
+the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities.
+
+Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran
+sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of
+the seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided
+for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberate
+powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to be
+done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by
+Christian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the
+great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which
+afterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The
+sturdy Harden Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the
+salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the
+bottom of Kip's Bay, counseled by all means to return thither, and found
+the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten
+Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of
+this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented; this
+much is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, by
+determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious
+porpoises had so clearly pointed out; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches
+abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a
+fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued
+to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day.
+
+By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the
+side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; and
+now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again
+committed themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the western
+shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island.
+
+And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little
+marvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be
+caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would
+wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of
+Manna-hata; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending
+rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves,
+which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borne
+away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much
+discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly
+receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra firma was
+giving them the slip.
+
+Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom
+around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness
+of Nature, who here reveled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now
+bristled like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart
+plants! minions of wealth and fashion!), were then adorned with the
+vigorous natives of the soil--the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, the
+graceful elm--while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic
+head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of
+luxury--villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute
+oft breathes the sighings of some city swain--there the fish-hawk built
+his solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The
+timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lover's
+moonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage
+solitude extended over those happy regions, where now are reared the
+stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders.
+
+Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, the
+gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which
+strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as
+they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern
+mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like
+an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a
+wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously
+intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each
+other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island,
+dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched the
+pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name
+of Hallet's Cove--a place infamous in latter days, by reason of its being
+the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and
+water-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging in
+their pleasure boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully
+receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista
+through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, and
+East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly weeded
+country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines
+of upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole the purple
+mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness.
+
+Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend,
+wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure that
+seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility
+prevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of
+twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty,
+heightened the charms which it half concealed.
+
+Ah! witching scenes of foul delusion! Ah! hapless voyagers, gazing with
+simple wonder on these Circean shores! Such, alas! are they, poor easy
+souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world; treacherous are its
+smiles, fatal its caresses! He who yields to its enticements launches upon
+a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a
+whirlpool! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little
+mistrusting the guileful sense before them, drifted quietly on, until they
+were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For
+now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to
+boil and foam with horrible fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the
+astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid
+the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful
+consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among
+tumultuous breakers; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they
+were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks! more
+voracious than Scylla and her whelps!); and anon they seemed sinking into
+yawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the
+elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged--the
+winds howled--and as they were hurried along several of the astonished
+mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving
+through the air!
+
+At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt was drawn into the
+vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled
+about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew
+were overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the
+revolution.
+
+How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this
+modern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived to
+tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many
+different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions
+on the subject.
+
+As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they
+found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore,
+indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in
+this time of peril; how that he saw specters flying in the air, and heard
+the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were
+whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several
+uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles;
+but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel
+porpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the
+Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan!
+
+These, however, were considered by many as mere phantasies of the
+commodore, while he lay in a trance, especially as he was known to be
+given to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearly
+ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and
+his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this
+marvelous strait--as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of
+the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle--how he broils fish there before
+a storm; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of putting
+too much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances, the
+Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it has
+been interpreted, Hell-gate;[30] which it continues to bear at the present
+day.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [27] It is a matter long since established by certain of our
+        philosophers, that is to say, having been often advanced and
+        never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a
+        settled fact, that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by
+        the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however,
+        becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing
+        pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their
+        extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent
+        struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to pass
+        in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art
+        of running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not
+        pretend to be skilled, not withstanding that I do fully give it
+        my belief.
+
+   [28] A promontory in the Highlands.
+
+   [29] Properly spelt Hoeck (i.e. a point of land).
+
+   [30] This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six
+        miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under
+        the care of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks,
+        shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundry appellations,
+        such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are
+        very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain
+        mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give
+        the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name
+        into Hell-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how they venture
+        into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are
+        aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is
+        supported by the map of Vander Donck's history, published in
+        1656--by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671--as also by a journal
+        still extant, written in the sixteenth century, and to be found
+        in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS, written in French,
+        speaking of various alterations, in names about this city,
+        observes, "De Hellegat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate,
+        porte d'Enfer."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful
+night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly
+assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the
+hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning
+dawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away, rapids,
+breakers and whirlpools had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth and
+dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back towards the
+quarter where lay their much regretted home.
+
+The woebegone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful
+countenances; their squadrons had been totally dispersed by the late
+disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one
+Ruleff Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the
+six-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing.
+
+The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where,
+having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to
+conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern; whence, it is said,
+did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have ever
+since continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they were
+thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts.
+But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling
+overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of his
+nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or
+like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was
+found the next morning busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine.
+
+I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remaining
+followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city
+in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that
+they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny
+element, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their
+yesterday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant
+sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia.
+
+Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they
+were encountered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward
+voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar
+against the stream; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score of
+potent billows rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on
+the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay.
+
+Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune to strand the
+expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this
+western world; others, more pious, attribute everything to the
+guardianship of the good St. Nicholas; and after events will be found to
+corroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman.
+Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him; and his first thought
+on finding him once more on dry ground was how he should contrive to
+celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a
+solemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by the
+good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted; but in casting his
+eyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A
+great store of these was instantly collected; a fire was made at the foot
+of a tree; all hands fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, and
+frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be
+the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our
+public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to
+play an important part.
+
+On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be
+particularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher; for having the
+cares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed it
+incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion as
+he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him did
+the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he
+seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And at
+such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more
+truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and
+good fellowship. Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, and
+washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning,
+and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence.
+Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful; and laying his
+hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closed
+eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he
+exclaimed, in a fat, half-smothered voice, "What a charming prospect!" The
+words died away in his throat--he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a
+moment--his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs--his head drooped upon
+his bosom--he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole
+gradually over him.
+
+And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream--and, lo! the good St. Nicholas came
+riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he
+brings his yearly presents to children. And he descended hard by where the
+heroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by
+the fire, and sat himself down and smoked; and as he smoked the smoke from
+his pipe ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud overhead. And
+Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of
+the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of
+country--and as he considered it more attentively he fancied that the
+great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvelous forms, where in dim
+obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of
+which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled
+off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had
+smoked his pipe he twisted it in his hatband, and laying his finger beside
+his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, then
+mounting his wagon, he returned over the treetops and disappeared.
+
+And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed, and he aroused
+his companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it that it
+was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the
+city here; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would be
+the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread
+over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to
+this interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning
+to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great
+smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city--both which
+interpretations have strangely come to pass!
+
+The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus
+happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, where
+they were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a general
+meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related
+the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van
+Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St.
+Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more
+honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a
+most useful citizen, and a right good man--when he was asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+The original name of the island whereon the squadron of Communipaw was
+thus propitiously thrown is a matter of some dispute, and has already
+undergone considerable vitiation--a melancholy proof of the instability of
+all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; for
+who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of
+mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty!
+
+The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise
+countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan, which is
+said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early
+settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes.
+"Hence," as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, and
+flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of
+Philadelphia, "hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to
+the Indians, and afterwards to the island"--a stupid joke!--but well
+enough for a governor.
+
+Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject is that
+valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard
+Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called the Manhadaes and Manahanent; nor
+must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that
+authentic historian, John Josselyn, gent., who expressly calls it
+Manadaes.
+
+Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of
+our ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters,
+still extant,[31] which passed between the early governors and their
+neighboring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes,
+Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of
+the same name; for our wise forefathers set little store by those
+niceties, either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and
+ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This
+last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who
+was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its
+uncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm that the bay was once
+a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of
+which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and
+flowers, but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these
+blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of
+Ontario.
+
+These, however, are very fabulous legends, to which very cautious
+credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last quoted
+orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which
+I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and
+significant--and which we have on the authority of Master Juet, who, in
+his account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata--that
+is to say, the island of manna--or, in other words, a land flowing with
+milk and honey.
+
+Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the
+worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken
+bout, held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made
+certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their
+lives; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave the
+place the name of Mannahattanink--that is to say, the Island of Jolly
+Topers--a name which it continues to merit to the present day.[32]
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [31] Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap.
+
+   [32] MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New
+        York Historical Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removed
+from the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata,
+everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer,
+and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day was
+appointed for the grand migration, and on that day little Communipaw as in
+a buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarming time. Houses were turned
+inside out, and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come from
+Holland; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman,
+and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the water
+side, like lines of ants from an ant-hill; everybody laden with some
+article of household furniture; while busy housewifes plied backwards and
+forwards along the lines, helping everything forward by the nimbleness of
+their tongues.
+
+By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds of
+household articles; ponderous tables; chests of drawers, resplendent with
+brass ornaments, quaint corner cupboards; beds and bedsteads; with any
+quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat
+embarked a whole family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats and
+dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the
+Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard
+on the leading boat.
+
+This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long
+cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously
+observed among the "sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw," by turning their
+houses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in
+emblem of the swarming of the parent hive; and this is the real origin of
+the universal agitation and "moving" by which this most restless of cities
+is literally turned out of doors on every May-day.
+
+As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores of
+Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, appeared to
+oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for
+chastising this insolence with the powder and ball, according to the
+approved mode of discoverers; but the sage Oloffe gave them the
+significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and
+winking hard with one eye; whereupon his followers perceived that there
+was something sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in the
+blandest terms, and made such tempting display of beads, hawks's bells,
+and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land
+speculation ensued. And here let me give the true story of the original
+purchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been
+said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was, but sixty guilders.
+The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition[33] that the Dutch
+discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock would
+cover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's
+finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the
+Indians into the bargain This, however, is an old fable which the worthy
+Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe
+Van Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover with
+his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friend
+Mynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used in
+measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments
+had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared with
+astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher
+peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the
+land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city.
+
+This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the Island of
+Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders; and in corroboration of it I will
+add that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable
+occasion, was elevated to the office of land measurer; which he ever
+afterwards exercised in the colony.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [33] MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very
+unusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of the
+honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading house were
+forthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St.
+Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer; and which, as has
+already been observed, was the identical place at present known as the
+Bowling Green.
+
+Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, with tiled roofs
+and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for
+protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of
+the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong
+palisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outside
+of these extended the corn-fields and cabbage-gardens of the community,
+with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation; all covering those
+tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street,
+and Pearl Street, I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out the
+land a goodly "bowerie" or farm was allotted to the sage Oloffe, in
+consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent
+at dreaming; and the site of his "bowerie" is known by the name of
+Kortlandt (or Cortland) Street to the present day.
+
+And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it was
+thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it
+had gone by the original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will have
+it, "The Manhattoes;" but this was now decried as savage and heathenish,
+and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally
+possessed it. Many were the consultations held upon the subject without
+coming to a conclusion, for though everybody condemned the old name,
+nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost in
+despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head,
+proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took
+everybody by surprise; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. The
+name was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was
+thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province
+continued to call it by the general appelation of "The Manhattoes," and
+the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata; but those are
+a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in matters
+of this kind.
+
+Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the next was to give it
+an armorial bearing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, others
+a soaring eagle; emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying
+qualities of the inhabitants: so after mature deliberation a sleek beaver
+was emblazoned on the city standard as indicative of the amphibious origin
+and patient persevering habits of the New Amsterdamers.
+
+The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon
+made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be
+built; but at the very first consultation on the subject a violent
+discussion arose; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the first
+altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a
+breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between
+those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Ten Broeck and Harden Broeck, ever
+since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Harden
+Broeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which
+embraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along the
+gulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of which his descendants have been
+expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the
+Schermerhornes.
+
+An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Harden Broeck, who
+proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the
+manner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeck
+was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they should
+run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the
+river, on which the town should be built. "By these means," said he,
+triumphantly, "shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from
+these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice,
+or any amphibious city in Europe." To this proposition Harden Broeck (or
+Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly
+assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as
+being preposterous, and against the very order of things, as he would
+leave to every true Hollander. "For what," said he, "is a town without
+canals?--it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for
+want of a free circulation of the vital fluid."--Ten Breeches, on the
+contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of
+an arid, dry-boded habit; he remarked, that as to the circulation of the
+blood being necessary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living
+contradiction to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not a
+drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten
+years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony.
+Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; nor
+have I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity.
+At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy
+in sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up
+the last word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had the
+advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that
+invaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had,
+therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom--so that
+though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and
+battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough
+Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as
+is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without
+coming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for ever
+after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and
+Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough
+Breeches.
+
+I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my
+duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, in
+truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a
+young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since
+contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be
+too minute in detailing their first causes.
+
+After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that
+anything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The
+council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met
+regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, either
+they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were
+naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent
+exercise of the brains--certain it is, the most profound silence was
+maintained--the question, as usual, lay on the table--the members quietly
+smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, and
+in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on--as it pleased God.
+
+As most of the council were but little skilled in the mystery of
+combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to
+puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The
+secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable
+precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; the
+journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that
+"the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the
+colony." By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate
+their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure
+distances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, as
+a pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those
+accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out
+of order.
+
+In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze,
+and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what
+manner they should construct their infant settlement; meanwhile the town
+took care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which is suffered to run
+about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by
+which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the
+children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude, that
+before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan it was too late
+to put it in execution--whereupon they wisely abandoned the subject
+altogether.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back, through the
+long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realms
+of antiquity. Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive a
+thousand charms from their very obscurity, and the fancy delights to fill
+up their outlines with graces and excellences of its own creation. Thus
+loom on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet New
+Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores and
+willows, and surrounded by trackless forests and wide-spreading waters,
+that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world.
+
+In those days did this embryo city present the rare and noble spectacle of
+a community governed without laws; and thus being left to its own course,
+and the fostering care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it
+had been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws usually
+heaped on the backs of young cities--in order to make them grow. And in
+this particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of human
+nature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow
+legislators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many
+of my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a
+piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be; and as far as I have
+observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about
+as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his
+ears that it is his duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse.
+The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyranny
+of law, and the perpetual interference of officious morality, which are
+ever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to "keep to the
+right, as the law directs;" and like a spirited urchin, he turns directly
+contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches,
+merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings.
+And these opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above said of
+our worthy ancestors; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and
+guided and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their more
+enlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves honestly and
+peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words--because they knew no
+better.
+
+Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infant
+settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that,
+like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they had
+first served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, and
+provided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifying
+their gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting
+care in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built a
+fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his
+name; whereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under his
+peculiar patronage, and he has even since been, and I devoutly hope will
+ever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city.
+
+At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiously
+observed in all our ancient families of the right breed, of hanging up a
+stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas Eve; which stocking is always
+found in the morning miraculously filled; for the good St. Nicholas has
+ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children.
+
+I am moreover told that there is a little legendary book somewhere extant,
+written in Low Dutch, which says that the image of this renowned saint,
+which whilom graced the bow-sprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in
+front of this chapel, in the center of what in modern days is called the
+Bowling Green--on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to
+Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further treats of divers miracles
+wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth; a whiff of
+which was a sovereign cure for an indigestion--an invaluable relic in this
+colony of brave trenchermen. As however, in spite of the most diligent
+search, I cannot lay my hands upon this little book, I must confess that
+I entertain considerable doubt on the subject.
+
+Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the infant city thrived
+apace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about the
+unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins
+and bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, while
+here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian
+wigwams whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in the
+transparent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, existed between these
+wandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolent
+forefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameliorate their situation,
+by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries;
+for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friendship
+for their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men to
+trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain.
+
+Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make
+their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted
+and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an
+air of listless indifference--sometimes in the marketplace, instructing
+the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow--at other times,
+inflamed with liquor, swaggering, and whooping, and yelling about the town
+like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who would
+hurry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw water
+upon the enemy from the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here that
+our forefathers were very particular in holding up these wild men as
+excellent domestic examples--and for reasons that may be gathered from the
+history of Master Ogilby, who tells us that "for the least offence the
+bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries
+another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife." Whether
+this awful example had any influence or not history does not mention; but
+it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and
+obedience.
+
+True it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and their
+savage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heard
+my grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the
+history of these parts, tell a long story of a winter's evening, about a
+battle between the New-Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by
+the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in a
+dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley.
+
+The legend of this sylvan war was long current among the nurses, old
+wives, and other ancient chroniclers of the place; but time and
+improvement have almost obliterated both the tradition and the scene of
+battle; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the center of
+this populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street.
+
+I know not whether it was to this "Peach War," and the acquisitions of
+Indian land which may have grown out of it, that we may ascribe the first
+seeds of the spirit of "annexation" which now began to manifest
+themselves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers had been confined
+to the lovely island of Manna-hata; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and
+Hell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the _ne plus
+ultra_ of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War however, a
+restless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdammers, who began to
+cast wistful looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors; for
+somehow or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes of
+settlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Dreamer
+encouraged these notions; having, as has been shown, the inherent spirit
+of a land speculator, which had been wonderfully quickened and expanded
+since he had become a landholder. Many of the common people, who had never
+before owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the town
+lots which had fallen to their shares; others who had snug farms and
+tobacco plantations found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began to
+question the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended to
+hold--while the good Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreign
+conquest and great patroonships in the wilderness.
+
+The result of these dreams were certain exploring expeditions sent forth
+in various directions to "sow the seeds of empire," as it was said. The
+earliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator
+famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it was
+quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass covered
+with a bit of tarpaulin, with which he could spy up the crookedest river,
+quite to its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as
+land measurer, in case of any dispute with the Indians.
+
+What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions? In a little while
+we find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, established
+far to the south on Delaware River; another called Fort Goed Hoop (or Good
+Hope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut River; and another called
+Fort Aurania (now Albany) away up the Hudson River; while the boundaries
+of the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, far
+into the regions of Terra Incognita.
+
+Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little province
+brought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory we
+shall treat at large in the after pages of this eventful history;
+sufficient for the present is it to say, that the swelling importance of
+the Nieuw Nederlandts awakened the attention of the mother country, who,
+finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take that
+interest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations.
+
+But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New Amsterdam I will here
+put an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of the
+maternal policy of the mother country in my next.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK III._
+
+IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the task of the feeling
+historian who writes the history of his native land. If it fell to his lot
+to be the recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with
+his tears--nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era without
+a melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever! I
+know not whether it be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity of
+former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart incident to all
+sentimental historians, but I candidly confess that I cannot look back on
+the happier days of our city, which I now describe, without great
+dejection of spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of
+oblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and as
+their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mighty
+shades.
+
+Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of the
+Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the
+portraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust like the forms they
+represent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those
+renowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady march of
+existence--whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins,
+flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall
+soon be stopped for ever!
+
+These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the mighty men who
+flourished in the days of the patriarchs: but who, alas! have long since
+smouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly and
+irresistibly hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose myself in
+melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once
+more into existence, their countenances to assume the animation of
+life--their eyes to pursue me in every movement! Carried away by the
+delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of
+the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity!
+Ah, hapless Diedrich! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the
+buffetings of fortune--a stranger and weary pilgrim in thy native
+land--blest with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children; but
+doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by
+foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held
+sovereign empire!
+
+Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting
+recollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on
+the virtuous days of the patriarchs--on those sweet days of simplicity and
+ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata.
+
+These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growing
+wealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are to
+involve it in all kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed at
+the close of my last book, they had awakened the attention of the mother
+country. The usual mark of protection shown by mother countries to wealthy
+colonies was forthwith manifested; a governor being sent out to rule over
+the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. The
+arrival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffe
+the Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose during
+his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landed
+estate on the banks of the Hudson, having virtually forfeited all right to
+his ancient appellation of Kortlandt, or Lackland.
+
+It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was
+appointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlands, under the
+commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General
+of the United Netherlands and the privileged West India Company.
+
+This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month of
+June, the sweetest month in all the year; when Dan Apollo seems to dance
+up the transparent firmament--when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand
+other wanton songsters make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and
+the luxurious little boblicon revels among the clover blossoms of the
+meadows--all which happy coincidence persuaded the old dames of New
+Amsterdam who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this was
+to be a happy and prosperous administration.
+
+The renowned Wouter, or Walter, Van Twiller was descended from a long line
+of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and
+grown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had empowered
+themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety that they were never
+either heard or talked of--which, next to being universally applauded,
+should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There are
+two opposite ways by which some men make a figure in the world; one by
+talking faster than they think, and the other by holding their tongues and
+not thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires the reputation
+of a man of quick parts; by the other many a dunderpate, like the owl, the
+stupidest of birds, comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This,
+by the way, is a casual remark, which I would not for the universe have
+it thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. It is true he was a man shut
+up within himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke except in
+monosyllables; but then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. So
+invincible was his gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even to
+smile, through the whole course of a long and prosperous life. Nay, if a
+joke were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a
+roar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. Sometimes
+he would deign to inquire into the matter, and when, after much
+explanation, the joke was made as plain as a pike-staff, he would continue
+to smoke his pipe in silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, would
+exclaim, "Well! I see nothing in all that to laugh about."
+
+With all his reflective habits he never made up his mind on a subject. His
+adherents accounted for this by the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. He
+conceived every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room in his
+head to turn it over and examine both sides of it. Certain it is that if
+any matter were propounded to him, on which ordinary mortals would rashly
+determine at first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, shake
+his capacious head, smoke some time in profound silence, and at length
+observe that "he had his doubts about the matter;" which gained him the
+reputation of a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What is
+more, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit of the mind has been
+attributed his surname of Twiller, which is said to be a corruption of the
+original Twijfler, or, in plain English, Doubter.
+
+The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned,
+as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary,
+as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six
+inches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head was
+a perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature,
+with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck
+capable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, and
+settled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders.
+His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wisely
+ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, and
+very averse to the idle labor of walking.
+
+His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to
+sustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beer
+barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a
+vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigure
+the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes
+twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy
+firmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of
+everything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked
+with dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple.
+
+His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated
+meals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight
+hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was
+the renowned Wouter Van Twiller--a true philosopher, for his mind was
+either elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares and
+perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feeling
+the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it round
+the sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curling
+from his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any of
+those numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed his
+brain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere.
+
+In his council he presided with great state and solemnity. He sat in a
+huge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague,
+fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously carved
+about the arms and feet into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws.
+Instead of a scepter he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin
+and amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, at the
+conclusion of a treaty, with one of the petty Barbary Powers. In this
+stately chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe would he smoke,
+shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye for
+hours together upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a black
+frame against the opposite wall of the council chamber. Nay, it has even
+been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length and
+intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for
+full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by external
+objects--and at such times the internal commotion of his mind was evinced
+by certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were
+merely the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and opinions.
+
+It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to collect these
+biographical anecdotes of the great man under consideration. The facts
+respecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them so
+questionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the
+search after many, and decline the admission of still more, which would
+have tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait.
+
+I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits of
+Wouter Van Twiller, from the consideration that he was not only the first,
+but also the best governor, that ever presided over this ancient and
+respectable province; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that I
+do not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any offender
+being brought to punishment--a most indubitable sign of a merciful
+governor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of the
+illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller
+was a lineal descendant.
+
+The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was
+distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presage
+of a wise and equitable administration. The morning after he had been
+installed in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfast
+from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and Indian pudding, he
+was interrupted by the appearance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important
+old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent
+Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts,
+seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle.
+Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words;
+he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or being disturbed
+at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle
+Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shoveled a spoonful of
+Indian pudding into his mouth--either as a sign that he relished the dish
+or comprehended the story--he called unto his constable, and pulling out
+of his breeches proper a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the
+defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant.
+
+This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal
+ring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The two
+parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts,
+written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a High
+Dutch commentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage
+Wouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands,
+and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a
+very great doubt, and smoked for half an hour without saying a word; at
+length, laying his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for a
+moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the
+tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of
+tobacco smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solemnity pronounced--that
+having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was
+found that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other--therefore, it
+was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally
+balanced--therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent
+should give Wandle a receipt--and the constable should pay the costs.
+
+This decision being straightway made known, diffused general joy
+throughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they
+had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its
+happiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout the
+whole of his administration--and the office of constable fell into such
+decay, that there was not one of those losel scouts known in the province
+for many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction,
+not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments on
+record, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but because
+it was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being the
+only time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course of
+his life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+In treating of the early governors of the province I must caution my
+readers against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, with
+those worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in this
+enlightened republic--a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are in
+fact the most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed to
+bear the secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and the
+sneers and revilings of the whole world beside--set up, like geese at
+Christmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and
+vagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed that
+uncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of distant colonies or
+territories. They were in a manner absolute despots in their little
+domains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and
+accountable to none but the mother-country; which, it is well known, is
+astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they
+discharge the main duty of their station--squeezing out a good revenue.
+This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seized
+with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentic
+history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting
+with independence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude.
+
+To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, a
+board of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over the
+police. This potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiff, with powers
+between those of the present mayor and sheriff--five burgermeesters, who
+were equivalent to aldermen, and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs,
+sub-devils, or bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner as
+do assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day; it being
+their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt the
+markets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge such
+other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was,
+moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they
+should consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of the
+burgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes; but
+this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at
+present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of
+a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful
+effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes.
+
+In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say "yes" and
+"no" at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of
+the public kitchen--being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and
+smoke, at all those snug junketing and public gormandisings, for which the
+ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The
+post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly
+coveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a huge
+relish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a small
+way--who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the
+terror of the almshouse and the bridewell--that shall enable them to lord
+it over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and
+hunger-driven dishonesty--that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack
+of catshpolls and bumbailiffs--tenfold greater rogues than the culprits
+they hunt down! My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess
+is unbecoming of a grave historian; but I have a mortal antipathy to
+catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men.
+
+The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of the
+present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than in
+prerogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were
+generally chosen by weight--and not only the weight of the body, but
+likewise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in all
+honest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat;
+and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is in
+some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind is moulded to
+the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been
+insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their
+peculiar study; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes,
+"there is a constant relation between the moral character of all
+intelligent creatures, and their physical constitution--between their
+habits and the structure of their bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare,
+diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling
+mind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion; or
+else the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it
+continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the
+uneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldly
+periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at
+ease; and we may alway observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghers
+are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort; being great
+enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance--and surely none are more
+likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of
+their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together
+in turbulent mobs! No--no--it is your lean, hungry men who are continually
+worrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears.
+
+The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to by
+philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls--one
+immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and
+regulate the body; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible
+passions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart; a
+third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its
+propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the
+divine soul by its ravenous howlings. Now, according to this excellent
+theory, what can be more clear, than that your fat alderman is most
+likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is
+like a huge spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass of soft
+brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a
+feather-bed; and the eyes which are the windows of the bedchamber, are
+usually half-closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by external
+objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance,
+is manifestly most like to perform its functions with regularly and ease.
+By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which is
+confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts the
+irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion,
+and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely
+pacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest,
+good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue,
+slily peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding this Cerberus
+asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday
+suits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm--disposing their possessor to
+laughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards his
+fellow-mortals.
+
+As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but very
+little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite
+opinions; and, as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner,
+they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the
+administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and
+therefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court of
+justice except in the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which I
+can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor
+culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the
+present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the
+alderman are the best fed men in the community; feasting lustily on the
+fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles,
+that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the
+form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I
+have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet
+equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their
+transactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony; and the profound laws
+which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion,
+are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced when
+awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed
+mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at
+hand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, meddling
+candidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief
+put a greyhound to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox-wagon.
+
+The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen by
+weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attend
+upon them, and help them eat; but the latter, in the course of time, when
+they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsiness
+of brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs,
+having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a
+comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New England
+cheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took place
+between the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be
+the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for
+hours smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word to
+interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under
+the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, the
+infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps
+and forests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and country
+customary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the
+city of Washington; that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious an
+appearance on paper.
+
+It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest burgher, like
+a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed
+house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow.
+Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft
+southern breeze and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of
+his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his
+swine; that combination of farmyard melody, which may truly be said to
+have a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of
+profitable marketing.
+
+The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous
+city, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented
+in the primitive days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the
+shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of
+accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce,
+were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in
+the highways--the bleating sheep and frolicksome calves sported about the
+verdant ridge, where now the Broadway loungers take their morning
+stroll--the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now
+are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of
+money-brokers--and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields,
+where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling
+echo with the wranglings of the mob.
+
+In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property
+prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility
+and heart-burnings of repining poverty--and what in my mind is still more
+conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of
+intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New
+Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those
+honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by the
+gross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use.
+
+Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for
+public employ, and especially promoted to city honors; your keen
+intellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I
+know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as
+the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings; whereas, for
+my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that
+prevails, that embroils communities more than anything else; and I have
+remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody
+else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New
+Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls--the very words
+of learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of--a bright
+genius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady would have been
+regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man in
+fact seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than
+an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his
+own; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read in
+the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with a
+cross.
+
+Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh! existing in all the
+security of harmless insignificance--unnoticed and unenvied by the world,
+without ambition, without vain-glory, without riches, without learning,
+and all their train of carking cares; and as of yore, in the better days
+of man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural
+habitations, so we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, the
+good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of
+a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the treetops, or over the roofs
+of houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his
+breeches pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites.
+Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows us the
+light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year;
+when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs,
+confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degeneracy
+of the parents.
+
+Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The
+province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweet
+tranquillity that wealth could never purchase. There were neither public
+commotions, nor private quarrels; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms;
+neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments; nor were there
+counsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to what
+little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he
+pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody
+meddled with concerns above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose into
+other people's affairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct and
+reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of
+others; but in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not
+hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the
+sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were sleepy or not; all
+which tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I am
+told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching
+her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace--this
+superabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of
+life, according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that "more than enough
+constitutes a feast." Everything, therefore, went on exactly as it should
+do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare
+of a country, "the profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughout
+the province."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened _literati_ who
+turn over the pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful of
+the yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam with
+untried valor, like a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain fresh
+from under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be
+satisfied with nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters; they
+must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, springing mines,
+marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page,
+and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial,
+but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are little given to the
+marvelous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions of
+prodigies, unheard of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, and
+all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary line
+of possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are of
+a lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times, as they do over
+the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocent
+amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes,
+Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogues of
+hideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and
+flavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of more
+philosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time,
+to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradual
+changes in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, the
+vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation.
+
+If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solace
+themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to
+exert their patience for a while, and bear with the tedious picture of
+happiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historian
+obliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can possibly
+alight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hard
+but I will make it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I turn
+with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or,
+if possible, women after my own heart; grave, philosophical, and
+investigating; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a start from first
+causes, and so haunting a nation down, through all the mazes of innovation
+and improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first
+development of the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners and
+customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of Van
+Twiller, or the Doubter.
+
+I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely the
+increase and improvement of New Amsterdam. Their own imaginations will
+doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and
+persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors--they will
+behold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the stately
+Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from the
+tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden; and from the skulking
+Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture to
+themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of prosperity,
+incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat
+government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry.
+
+The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being
+able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, the cows,
+in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and
+as they went to and from pasture, established paths through the bushes, on
+each side of which the good folks built their houses; which is one cause
+of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish
+certain streets of New York at this very day.
+
+The houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood,
+excepting the gable end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks,
+and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants,
+were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best
+leg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doors
+and small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiously
+designated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof was
+perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important
+secret which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops
+of our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could have
+a wind to his mind;--the most staunch and loyal citizens, however, always
+went according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house,
+which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employed
+every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter.
+
+In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanliness
+was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of
+an able housewife--a character which formed the utmost ambition of our
+unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except on
+marriages, funerals, new year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or
+some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker,
+curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of a
+lion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal, that it was
+oft-times worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. The
+whole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the discipline
+of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes; and the good housewives of those
+days were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to be
+dabbling in water--insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us,
+that many of his townswomen grew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck;
+and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into,
+would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this I look upon to be a
+mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation.
+
+The grand parlor was the _sanctum sanctorum_, where the passion for
+cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was
+permitted to enter excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, who
+visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning,
+and putting things to rights; always taking the precaution of leaving
+their shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet.
+After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which was
+curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom;
+after washing the windows, rubbing and polishing the furniture, and
+putting a bunch of evergreens in the fireplace--the window shutters were
+again closed to keep out the flies, and the room carefully locked up until
+the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day.
+
+As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally
+lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assembled round
+the fire, one would have imagined that he was transported back to those
+happy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginations
+like golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude,
+where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, black and
+white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege,
+and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in
+perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking into the fire with half-shut
+eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw, on the
+opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn or
+knitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth,
+listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who was
+the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of a
+chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of
+incredible stories about New England witches, grisly ghosts, horses
+without heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among the
+Indians.
+
+In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn,
+dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a
+private meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestable signs of
+disapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a
+neighbor on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thus
+singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of
+intimacy by occasional banquettings, called tea-parties.
+
+These fashionable parties were generally confined to the higher classes,
+or noblesse: that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove their
+own waggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went
+away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashionable hours
+were a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before dark. The
+tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of
+fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The
+company being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with a
+fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this
+mighty dish--in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea,
+or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced
+with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears;
+but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened
+dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks--a delicious
+kind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, except in genuine
+Dutch families.
+
+The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, ornamented with
+paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs,
+with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry
+other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by
+their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle,
+which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat
+merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laid
+beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with great
+decorum; until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic old
+lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by a
+string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth--an
+ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany,
+but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen Flatbush, and
+all our uncontaminated Dutch villages.
+
+At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity of
+deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting--no gambling of old
+ladies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young ones--no
+self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their
+pockets--nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements of smart young
+gentlemen with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated
+themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own
+woollen stockings; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say "_yah
+Mynheer_," or "_yah ya Vrouw_," to any question that was asked them;
+behaving, in all things, like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the
+gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in
+contemplation of the blue and white tiles with which the fireplaces were
+decorated; wherein sundry passages of Scripture were piously
+portrayed--Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage, Haman swung
+conspicuously on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out
+of the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire.
+
+The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. They were
+carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles
+nature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to
+keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their
+respective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door;
+which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect
+simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor
+should it at the present. If our great-grandfathers approved of the
+custom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to
+say a word against it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island of
+Manna-hata presented a scene the very counterpart of those glowing
+pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before
+observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its
+inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little
+understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the
+female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and
+grey-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves
+with incredible sobriety and comeliness.
+
+Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously
+pomatomed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a
+little cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Their
+petticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous
+dyes--though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short,
+scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, which
+generally equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes; and what is
+still more praiseworthy, they were all of their own manufacture--of which
+circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain.
+
+These were the honest days, in which every woman stayed at home, read the
+Bible, and wore pockets--ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned with
+patchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the
+outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good
+housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at
+hand, by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed; and I
+remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of
+Wouter Van Twiller once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search
+of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and
+the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner; but we
+must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those
+remote periods being very subject to exaggeration.
+
+Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pincushions
+suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or among the more opulent and
+showy classes by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens of
+thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in
+vindication of the shortness of the petticoats; it doubtless was
+introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen,
+which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks; or
+perhaps to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat though serviceable
+foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendid
+silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the
+same disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order
+to betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery.
+
+From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers
+differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their
+scantily-dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those
+times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would
+have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less
+admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, the
+greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the
+magnitude of its object; and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen
+petticoats, was declared by a low Dutch sonneteer of the province to be
+radiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it
+is that in those day the heart of a lover could not contain more than one
+lady at a time, whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room
+enough to accommodate half a dozen; the reason of which I conclude to be,
+that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons
+of the ladies smaller; this, however, is a question for physiologists to
+determine.
+
+But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, no doubt, entered
+into the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was
+in those days her only fortune; and she who had a good stock of petticoats
+and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamschatka damsel with
+a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The
+ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions
+to the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead of
+being adorned with caricatures of Dame Nature, in water-colors and
+needlework, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments,
+the manufacture and the property of the females; a piece of laudable
+ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages.
+
+The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in
+these ancient times, corresponded in most particulars with the beauteous
+damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their
+merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a
+modern fair; they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems,
+for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did they
+distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their
+consequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too
+pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul
+throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did
+they establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailors
+for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the
+tranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen were unknown in New
+Amsterdam; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and
+family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller himself thought it no
+disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins.
+
+Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the
+first dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor in
+contempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine,
+squandered what little money they could procure at hustle cap and chuck
+farthing; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbor's horses;
+in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the
+town, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an
+affair of honor with a whipping post.
+
+Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days; his
+dress, which served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room,
+was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the
+mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large
+brass buttons--half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his
+figure--his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles--a low
+crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage, and his hair
+dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of sulskin.
+
+Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiege
+some fair damsel's obdurate heart--not such a pipe, good reader, as that
+which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delf
+manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With this
+would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely
+failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender
+upon honorable terms.
+
+Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, celebrated in many a long
+forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but
+counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holy
+calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe in
+peace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils
+were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron
+of snowy white without being insulted by ribald street walkers or vagabond
+boys--those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying under
+the roses of youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was that the
+lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score,
+indulged in all the innocent endearments of virtuous love without fear and
+without reproach; for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by a
+shield of good linsey-woolsey, equal at least to the seven bull-hides of
+the invincible Ajax?
+
+Ah! blissful and never to be forgotten age! when everything was better
+than it has ever been since, or ever will be again--when Buttermilk
+Channel was quite dry at low water--when the shad in the Hudson were all
+salmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness,
+instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her
+sickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate
+city!
+
+Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it always have existed in
+this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity; but, alas! the days
+of childhood are too sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them in
+time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and
+miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself when he beholds the
+child of his bosom, or the city of his birth, increasing in magnitude and
+importance, let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of the
+one, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata convince him of the
+calamities of the other.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+It has already been mentioned that, in the early times of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, called Fort Aurania, had been
+established on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of
+the present venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered at the
+very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, with
+which, for a long time, New Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now and
+then the "Company's Yacht," as it was called, was sent to the Fort with
+supplies, and to bring away the peltries which had been purchased of the
+Indians. It was like an expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, and
+always made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an adventurous burgher
+would accompany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends;
+but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on
+the Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's Dane
+Kammer, and of all the other wonders and perils with which the river
+abounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurous
+inhabitants from following his xample.
+
+Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and his
+burgermeesters were smoking and pondering over the affairs of the
+province, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they
+beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay; it was unquestionably of
+Dutch build, broad-brimmed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of their
+High Mightinesses at the masthead.
+
+After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger stepped on shore, a
+lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, with a meager face, furnished
+with hug mustachios. He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and an
+insufferably tall hat, with a cocktail feather. Such was the patroon
+Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from Holland to found a colony or
+patroonship on a great tract of wild land, granted to him by their Hight
+Mightinesses the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the Hudson.
+
+Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine day's wonder in New Amsterdam, for he
+carried a high head, looked down upon the portly, short-legged
+burgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the governor himself; boasting
+that he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States General.
+
+He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam merely to beat up recruits
+for his colony. Few, however, ventured to enlist for those remote and
+savage regions; and when they embarked, their friends took leave of them
+as if they should never see them more; and stood gazing with tearful eyes
+as the stout, round-sterned little vessel ploughed and splashed its way up
+the Hudson, with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to
+get out of sight of the city.
+
+And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Manhattoes of the
+growing importance of this new colony. Every account represented Killian
+Van Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon in
+the land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship of
+Rensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for
+several miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the mountainous
+region of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separate
+jurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam.
+
+All these assumptions of authority were duly reported to Governor Van
+Twiller and his council, by dispatches from Fort Aurania, at each new
+report the governor and his counsellors looked at each other, raised their
+eyebrows, gave an extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed into
+their usually tranquillity.
+
+At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaerwick had extended his
+usurpations along the river, beyond the limits granted him by their High
+Mightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in the
+Hudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or Bear's Island, where he was
+erecting a fortress, to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen.
+
+Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting with
+his burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick,
+demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, which lay beyond
+the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van Rensellaer was in
+his own lordly style, "By _wapen recht!_" that is to say, by the right of
+arms, or in common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthy
+Wouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of his
+administration. In the meantime, while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian
+went on to finish his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee I
+shall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventful
+history.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and four, on a fine
+afternoon in the glowing month of September, I took my customary walk upon
+the battery, which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient and
+impregnable city of New York. The ground on which is I trod was hallowed
+by recollections of the past, and as I slowly wandered through the long
+alley of poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on end,
+diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my imagination drew a contrast
+between the surrounding scenery, and what it was in the classic days of
+our forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the customhouse
+by occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pillars, there
+whilom stood the low, but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdam
+frowned defiance to every absent foe; but, like many a whiskered warrior
+and gallant militia captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone.
+The mud breastworks had long been leveled with the earth, and their site
+converted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the battery, where the
+gay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic,
+relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale of
+love into the half averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. The
+capacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studded
+with islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores of
+picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shores
+had been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled
+mazes and impenetrable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards, and
+waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling garden
+appertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered with
+fortifications, inclosing a tremendous block house; so that this once
+peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat,
+breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world!
+
+For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of thought, contrasting in
+sober sadness the present day with the hallowed years behind the
+mountains, lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising
+the zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavor to preserve the wrecks of
+venerable customs, prejudices, and errors, from the overwhelming tide of
+modern innovation; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and I
+insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me.
+
+It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven particularly bestows
+upon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity; not a floating
+cloud obscured the azure firmament; the sun rolling in glorious splendor
+through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenance
+into an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his evening
+salutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous
+beams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute attention,
+lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the waveless
+bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheld
+herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice
+handkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag-staff which
+forms the handle of a gigantic churn; and even the tremulous leaves of the
+poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything
+seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidable
+eighteen-pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries,
+seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country
+on the next fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot
+to call the garrison to the shovels; the evening gun had not yet sounded
+its signal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the country
+to go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Island
+and Communipaw slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters
+to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My
+own feelings sympathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I should
+infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which our
+benevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescent
+loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all
+repose at defiance.
+
+In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a
+black speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergen
+steeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities of
+Jersey, Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are starting on
+the course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement of
+the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its
+wide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto
+and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for the
+embarrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud
+rolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse,
+and bearing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The earth seems
+agitated at the confusion of the heavens--the late waveless mirror is
+lashed into furious waves, that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore--the
+oyster boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island,
+now hurry affrighted to the land--the poplar writhes and twists, and
+whistles in the blast--torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail deluge
+the battery walks--the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids,
+and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs over their hats,
+scampering from the storm--the late beauteous prospect presents one scene
+of anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, and
+was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Nature.
+
+Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained bodly at my post,
+as our gallant train-band captains, who march their soldiers through the
+rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the
+reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the
+reason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of
+my work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance.
+The panorama view of the battery was given to gratify the reader with a
+correct description of that celebrated place, and the parts adjacent;
+secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and life
+to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from
+falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous
+times which are about to assail the pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the
+French-horns, the kettle drums, and trumpets of his orchestra, in
+requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars
+called melodrames; and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his
+lightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost,
+or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history.
+
+Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the contrary, I am of opinion
+that, as to nations, the old maxim, that "honesty is the best policy," is
+a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in the
+honest times when it was made; but, in these degenerate days, if a nation
+pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare
+something like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found his
+honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the
+case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands; which, like a
+worthy, unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the city
+of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortable
+nap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked
+his pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of
+this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil
+security, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of its
+government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history
+towards the end of a chapter; and as my readers, like myself, must
+doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, and
+the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a
+pipe, and having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new
+chapter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+That my readers may the more fully comprehend the extent of the calamity
+at this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of
+Nieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I should
+give some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering upon the
+eastern frontier.
+
+Now so it came to pass that, many years previous to the time of which we
+are treating, the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain national
+creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in
+which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care to
+pay the toll-gatherers by the way.
+
+Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge
+their own opinions on all manner of subjects (a propensity exceedingly
+offensive to your free governments of Europe), did most presumptuously
+dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they
+considered a natural and unextinguishable right-the liberty of conscience.
+
+As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which always
+thinks aloud--which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is for ever
+galloping into other people's ears--it naturally followed that their
+liberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which being
+freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious
+indignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church.
+
+The usual methods were adopted, to reclaim them, which in those days were
+considered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that is
+to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they
+were buffeted--line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here
+a little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and without
+success; until worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by their
+unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercy
+to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to "heap live embers on their
+heads."
+
+Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which has
+ever distinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject that
+heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the
+wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of
+talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this
+free-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such a
+clamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beast
+out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish,
+that they have been called dumb-fish ever since.
+
+This may appear marvelous, but it is nevertheless true; in proof of which
+I would observe, that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of
+superstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every true
+Yankee.
+
+The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strange
+folk in utter astonishment, but discovering that they wielded harmless,
+though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race of
+men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of
+Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifies
+silent men--a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar
+epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day.
+
+True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass over
+the fact, that having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of
+persecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had become
+masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of
+thinking in matters of religion; but, to their great surprise and
+indignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were
+springing up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of speech.
+This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience,
+which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as one
+pleased in matters of religion, provided one thought right; for otherwise
+it would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, the
+majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequently
+followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong: and
+whoever thought wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being convinced
+and converted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of
+conscience, and a corrupt and infestious member of the body politic, and
+deserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of all
+which was a fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers.
+
+Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift up
+their hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which we
+contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the
+preposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, and
+establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerant
+persecution. But, in simple truth, what are we doing at this very day, and
+in this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principle
+in our political controversies? Have we not, within but a few years,
+released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied
+us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full latitude that
+invaluable member, the tongue? and are we not at this very moment striving
+our best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the
+fortunes of one another? What are our great political societies but mere
+political inquisitions--our pot-house committees but little tribunals of
+denunciation--our newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where
+unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs--and our council of
+appointment but a grand auto-da-fe, where culprits are annually sacrificed
+for their political heresies?
+
+Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those
+you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There is
+none; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, instead
+of banishing--we libel, instead of scourging--we turn out of office,
+instead of hanging--and where they burnt an offender in proper person, we
+either tar and feather, or burn him in effigy--this political persecution
+being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and an
+incontrovertible proof that this is a free country!
+
+But not withstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was
+prosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that the
+population of this new colony was in anywise hindered thereby; on the
+contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man
+unacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country.
+
+This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular custom
+prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling--a
+superstitious rite observed by the young people of both sexes, with which
+they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with
+religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This
+ceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as an
+indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing where
+ours usually finish; by which means they acquired that intimate
+acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has
+been pronounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus
+early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of making
+a bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict adherence
+to the good old vulgar maxim about "buying a pig in a poke."
+
+To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the
+unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race: for it is a certain
+fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that
+wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing number
+of sturdy brats annually born unto the state, without the license of the
+law or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth
+operate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew up
+a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen,
+and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts,
+tended marvelously toward peopling those notable tracts of country called
+Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+In the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account of
+the origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastward
+of the Nieuw Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiar
+habits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutch
+ancestors.
+
+The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity with which,
+like the sons of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and
+which continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to
+place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration,
+tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people to
+enjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may be
+considered the wandering Arab of America.
+
+His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, is to settle himself
+in the world--which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles.
+To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress,
+passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock-tortoiseshell combs,
+with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the
+mystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie.
+
+Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a heavy knapsack,
+wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he
+literally sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, household
+furniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his own
+and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin; which done, he shoulders
+his axe, takes his staff in hand, whistles "Yankee doodle," and trudges
+off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, and
+relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a patriarch of
+yore, when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having
+buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away
+a corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon his labors, is
+soon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed
+urchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of the
+earth like a crop of toadstools.
+
+But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to rest
+contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment; improvement is his
+darling passion, and having thus improved his lands, the next care is to
+provide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of
+pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, large
+enough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions,
+but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of the
+ague.
+
+By the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed, either the
+funds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barely
+manages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrow
+together, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of
+pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with
+fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remaining
+unpainted, grows venerably black with time; the family wardrobe is laid
+under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to stuff into
+the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and
+howling about this aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as they
+did of yore in the cave of old Æolius.
+
+The humble log hut which whilom nestled this improving family snugly
+within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in ignominious
+contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig-sty; and the whole scene
+reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been
+recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, which
+he had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the empty
+shell of a lobster, where he would no doubt have resided with great style
+and splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in the
+neighborhood, had he not perished with cold in one corner of his
+stupendous mansion.
+
+Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, "to rights," one
+would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation,
+to read newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own business, and attend
+to the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen; but now
+it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon grows
+tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement--sells
+his farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart,
+shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wanders
+away in search of new lands--again to fell trees--again to clear
+corn-fields--again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off and
+wander.
+
+Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the eastern
+frontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my readers may easily imagine what
+uncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have
+been to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they
+have ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it
+hath pleased Heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a French
+boarding-house? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on
+the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping of
+fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children; he cannot
+sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses to
+serenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution on
+the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can he
+leave the street door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavory
+visits of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome
+ravages into the _sanctum sanctorum_, the parlor.
+
+If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, so
+situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed
+by their mercurial neighbors of Connecticut.
+
+Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New-Netherland
+settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their
+unparalleled volubility, and their intolerable inquisitiveness--two evil
+habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; for
+our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and
+who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own.
+Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending
+burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses,
+which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the
+modern right of search on the high seas.
+
+Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling and
+successes among the divine sex, for being a race of brisk, likely,
+pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the
+simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous
+customs, they attempted to introduce among them that bundling, which the
+Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and
+foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to
+follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and
+better acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced all
+such outlandish innovations.
+
+But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk
+was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in
+hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling
+themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the
+manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession
+of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the
+appellation of squatters, a name odious in the ears of all great
+landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize
+upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it
+afterward.
+
+All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating,
+tended to form that dark and portentious cloud which, as I observed in a
+former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New
+Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be
+perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to
+their immortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this
+increasing mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by dint of
+carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry it
+without difficulty when he had grown to be an ox.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have
+undertaken--exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had
+lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally
+forgotten; raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and
+endeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to
+their original form and connection; now lugging forth the character of an
+almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue: now deciphering a
+half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript,
+which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal.
+
+In such cases how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity
+of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him
+some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity,
+or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, that
+it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with
+which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had
+to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my
+fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts
+respecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province of
+New Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to
+compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of
+fable, with this authentic history.
+
+I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in those parts of my
+history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in any
+other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested those
+quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlands no mercy in
+their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares
+that "the Dutch were always mere intruders." Now, to this I shall make no
+other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which
+will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession
+in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully
+dispossessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandalously
+maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historians
+of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and
+impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame; for I would not wittingly
+dishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice,
+though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England.
+
+I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history that the
+territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to the
+Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had
+been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort
+Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It
+was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some
+historians will have it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class
+famous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the
+limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs.
+He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent,
+that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the
+Giant Killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were
+sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot.
+
+But not withstanding the erection of this fort, and the appointment of
+this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the
+interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity
+to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop.
+
+The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these
+unwarrantable encroachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of
+inspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest to
+the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of
+the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all,
+to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went
+to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity,
+that greatly animated his adherents, and, no doubt, struck sore dismay and
+affright into the hearts of the enemy.
+
+Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller, full of years and honors, and council dinners, had reached the
+period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver,
+entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He
+employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an assemblage of sages
+equally enlightened, and nearly as venerable, as himself, and who, for
+their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness
+to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by
+certain profound corporations which I have known in my time. Upon reading
+the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, His Excellency
+fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to
+encounter; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest; he closed
+his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great
+attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, and which all
+who knew him declared to be the huge courthouse or council chamber of his
+thoughts, forming to his head what the House of Representatives does to
+the Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore,
+occasionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation was
+never known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman or
+child. In the meantime, the protect of Van Curlet lay quietly on the
+table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled
+in council; and, in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant
+Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon as
+completely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency
+swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of
+Congress.
+
+There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sage
+deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an
+ounce of hair-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious
+discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present; for while the
+renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his
+resolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed
+farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable
+appearance in the neighborhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded
+the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called,
+Weathersfield--a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that
+worthy historian, John Josselyn, gent., "hath been infamous by reason of
+the witches therein." And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that
+they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is
+illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop,
+insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter
+without tears in their eyes.
+
+This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant
+Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of this
+choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent
+in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated.
+He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his
+breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row
+of abattis; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his
+perilous situation.
+
+The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily little man, as
+being less liable to be worn out or to lose leather on the journey; and,
+to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon horse in the
+garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness
+of trot; and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb on
+his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he
+make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month,
+though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and
+twenty miles.
+
+With an appearance of great hurry and business, and smoking a short
+traveling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanes
+of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the little
+Dutch children were making in the road, and for which kind of pastry the
+children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's
+house, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed doorkeeper,
+old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative,
+the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rattled at the
+door of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing
+over a plan for establishing a public market.
+
+At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was
+heard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the same
+instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from
+the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep
+sleep for the good of the community, and according to custom, in all such
+cases established, every man bawled out "Silence!" when, of a sudden, the
+door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased
+to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the
+sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous
+dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his
+galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of
+descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and,
+with more hurry than perspicuity, delivered his message. But, fortunately,
+his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most
+tranquil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just breathed and smoked
+his last; his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his
+peaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from his
+tobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often
+slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and
+Wilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK IV._
+
+CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his description of the
+plague that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assures the
+reader that the history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious and
+pathetic; and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which a
+good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a
+favorite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable variety.
+
+In like manner did my heart leap within me when I came to the dolorous
+dilemma of Fort Good Hope, which I at once perceived to be the forerunner
+of a series of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the true
+subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of
+Newgate Calendar--a register of the crimes and miseries that man has
+inflicted on his fellow-men? It is a huge libel on human nature to which
+we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were
+building up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy, of our
+species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has
+written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation
+of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers,
+conquerors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and the
+stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind--warriors,
+who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from motives of
+virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenseless, but merely
+to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring
+their fellow-beings! What are the great events that constitute a glorious
+era? The fall of empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendid
+cities smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art tumbled in the
+dust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven!
+
+It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries of
+mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten
+on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock
+navigation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed
+canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies,
+wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food for
+the historian.
+
+It is a source of great delight to the philosophers, in studying the
+wonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of
+things--how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most
+noxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms
+of flies which are so often execrated as useless vermin are created for
+the sustenance of spiders; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently
+made to devour flies. So those heroes who have been such scourges to the
+world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and historian,
+while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements
+of heroes!
+
+These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up
+my pen to commence the reign of William Kieft; for now the stream of our
+history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to
+depart, for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a
+turbulent and rugged scene.
+
+As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover field, dozing and
+chewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of
+the Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader
+will now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towards
+a state of war; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum,
+with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end
+foremost.
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, to borrow a
+favorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists, was of a
+lofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient town
+of Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious
+investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was
+one reason why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name,
+according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver;
+that is to say, a wrangler or scolder; and expressed the characteristic of
+his family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of
+Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any
+ten families in the place; and so truly did he inherit this family
+peculiarity that he had not been a year in the government of the province
+before he was universally denominated William the Testy. His appearance
+answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman,
+such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a
+broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of
+his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but his
+features were sharp; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red, by two
+fiery little gray eyes, his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouth
+turned down pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog.
+
+I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human physiology that if
+a woman waxes fat with the progress of years her tenure of life is
+somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she lives
+for ever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew
+tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through the
+process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt
+like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils
+and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the
+gallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made
+captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty
+in ancient saws and apophthegms, which he was wont to parade in his public
+harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his _spolia opima_. Of
+metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the
+bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas,
+and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident
+fact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got into
+an argument without getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion
+with his adversary for not being convinced gratis.
+
+He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the
+sciences, was fond of experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon
+inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, or
+country seat, at a short distance from the city, just at what is now
+called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity; patent
+smoke jacks that required a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roasted
+meat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathercocks that
+turned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances that
+astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with
+paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; and
+the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy victims of science, while
+aiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of
+"Dog's Misery," by which it continues to be known even at the present day.
+
+It is in knowledge as in swimming, he who flounders and splashes on the
+surface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl diver
+who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast
+acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple
+burghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the place as learned a man as
+a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet; and
+was unanimously pronounced a "universal genius!"
+
+I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp; but, to speak my mind
+freely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth
+his weight in straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plain
+common sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or
+invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William
+the Testy aided him in the affairs of government.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff of
+fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to
+make them a speech on the state of affairs.
+
+Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace,
+modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft,
+not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical
+organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; in
+other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose; a
+preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators.
+
+He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness
+of the high post to which he had been appointed, which made some of the
+simple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point
+of etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon office without
+declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in a
+manner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, and
+of the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the wars
+of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires
+which the worthy burghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after
+the manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he came
+by a natural roundabout transition to the matter in hand, namely, the
+daring aggressions of the Yankees.
+
+As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate has of handling
+his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the
+talk all on his own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy did
+not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called "a
+taste of his quality." In speaking of their inroads into the territories
+of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls, who desolated
+Rome; the Goths and Vandals, who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but
+when he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they at
+Weathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed
+Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage
+started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question.
+
+Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerent
+look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument potent in
+its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from the
+land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his
+broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an
+instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table.
+
+The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife
+does at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in question
+had a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and from a broad
+red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a
+buckwheat pancake. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention.
+The document in question was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees to
+depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under
+pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punishments in such case made
+and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument
+that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated; pledging his valor as a governor that,
+once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two months
+drive every mother's son of them across the borders.
+
+The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for some
+time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of
+the governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation.
+
+As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to the
+frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small clothes, and,
+mounting a tall, raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of
+Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of
+state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but from
+the honored wife of his bosom, who was one of that class of females, sent
+upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of
+mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact,
+my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was
+a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal
+at more than half the tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like many
+other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years; and this was,
+that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that
+ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither
+laid down in Aristotle or Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of a
+pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government.
+An absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days,
+was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about
+the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on
+record.
+
+The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his
+particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points
+of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to
+which he submitted through choice; adding, at the same time, a profound
+maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that "he who would aspire
+to govern should first learn to obey."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still
+better, a more economical measure devised than this of defeating the
+Yankees by proclamation--an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane,
+there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding; but then, there
+was one chance to ten that it would not succeed. As the ill-natured Fates
+would have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation was
+perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and
+well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the
+Yankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated
+it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose,
+and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end--a fate
+which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors.
+
+So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued their
+encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche river, and
+founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have
+already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus
+Van Curlet and his garrison, but now these moss troopers increased in
+their atrocities, kidnaping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes
+grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could
+scarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh, or
+taken in in bargaining; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee pedlar
+would penetrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives
+with tinware and wooden bowls.[34]
+
+I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this part of my
+history. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among the
+mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of
+wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in
+meddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his
+ears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee
+race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of
+certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such
+a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough
+hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their
+stings.
+
+Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament--not my
+misfortune in giving offence--but the wrong-headed perverseness of an
+ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their
+ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I
+would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recording
+the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of the
+honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be
+bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth,
+now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go
+farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we
+impartial historians are sent into the world--to redress wrongs, and
+render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful
+nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner or
+later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in
+return.
+
+Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll warrant it,
+while they were harassing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and driving its unhappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian would
+ever arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am but
+performing my bounden duty as a historian in avenging the wrongs of our
+reverend ancestors, I shall make no further apology; and, indeed, when it
+is considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my
+power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I
+conduct myself with great humanity and moderation.
+
+It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that his
+much-vaunted war measure was ineffectual; on the contrary, he flew in a
+passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that though slow in operating,
+yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of those
+invaders. When convinced at length of the truth, like a shrewd physician,
+he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of the
+medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a
+second proclamation more vehement than the first, forbidding all
+intercourse with these Yankee intruders; ordering the Dutch burghers on
+the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple
+sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish them
+with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout.
+
+Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as little
+regarded as the first, and the non-intercourse was especially set at
+nought by the young folks of both sexes.
+
+At length one day inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious
+barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld to their surprise the whole
+garrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and way-worn,
+with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy
+intelligence of the capture of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees.
+
+The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to all
+military commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine; nor was
+it undermined, nor bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot shot, but was
+taken by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which can never
+fail of success whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice.
+
+It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison of
+Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one-eighth by the death of two
+of his most corpulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fat
+salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was immediately
+set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habits
+of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners and
+smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noonstide of a sultry summer's
+day, and surprised them in the midst of their slumbers.
+
+In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and the
+Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by way of a
+spread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fisted
+Yankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck,
+conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the
+crupper, as Charles XII dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at the
+battle of Narva; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in consideration
+of his official dignity.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [34] The following cases in point appear in Hazard's "Collection
+        of State Papers:"--"In the meantime, they of Hartford have not
+        onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although
+        uprighteously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered
+        our nation in sowing theire own purchased broken-up lands, but
+        have also sowed them with corne in the night, which the
+        Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe; and have beaten
+        the servants of the high and mighty the honored companie, which
+        were labouring upon theire masters' lands, from theire lands,
+        with sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and, among
+        the rest, struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his
+        head with a stick, so that the bloode ran downe very strongly
+        downe upon his body."
+
+        "Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored
+        companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde
+        grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered
+        the hogg for 5s. if the commissioners would have given 5s. for
+        damage; which the commissioners denied, because noe man's own
+        hogg (as men used to say), can trespass upon his owne master's
+        grounde."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+Language cannot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing of
+the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too
+great for words, or rather the words were too great for him (being a very
+small man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, nine-cornered Dutch
+oaths and epithets which crowded at one into his gullet. At length his
+words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge,
+anathematising the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven,
+schobbejacken, deugenieten, twist-zoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken,
+kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately for
+posterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he would
+have nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling, guessing,
+questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses-daubing,
+shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-peddling
+crew--that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would
+dirty his hands by attempting to drive them away; in proof of which he
+ordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter
+quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency
+now fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared that the conquerors
+of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march on
+to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province to
+Connecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw
+Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans, insomuch that
+the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to
+frighten their unruly children.
+
+Everybody clamored round the governor, imploring him to put the city in a
+complete posture of defence, and he listened to their clamors. Nobody
+could accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any
+other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little
+purpose. When a youngling he had been impressed with the words of Solomon,
+"Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise," in
+conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn;
+hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or wherefore, busying himself
+about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and
+toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was
+moving a mountain. In the present instance he called in all his inventive
+powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, making
+diagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at his
+heels. At length, after a world of consultation and contrivance, his plans
+of defence ended in rearing a great flag-staff in the center of the fort,
+and perching a windmill on each bastion.
+
+These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm,
+especially after an additional means of securing the safety of the city
+had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in
+this most authentic history that in the domestic establishment of William
+the Testy "the grey mare was the better horse;" in other words, that his
+wife "ruled the roast," and, in governing the governor, governed the
+province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government.
+
+Now it came to pass that this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly,
+robustious trumpeter, named Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind;
+and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument
+that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the
+Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose.
+
+This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant,
+burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little bowery, or
+retreat in the country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances to
+the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that
+he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is
+said to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair
+sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate.[35]
+
+To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time
+of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plans
+of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held
+at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided: and this
+lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result
+of these councils was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the post
+of commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam.
+
+The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's
+heart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with
+delight, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twanging
+defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the
+principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands
+of Anthony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent as
+the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto;
+nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns
+celebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jericho
+fell down.
+
+Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the east
+gradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, they
+declared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected
+within their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, they
+continued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenances
+imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade
+with the Netherlands as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the
+windward of them in a bargain.
+
+The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the governor's lady
+attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the
+military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Anthony
+the Trumpeter.
+
+There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who sneered at the
+governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind;
+but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills; he had seen
+them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam; and was
+persuaded they were connected with the great science of defence; nay, so
+much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he
+introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day,
+quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento
+of his policy.
+
+I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the
+Manhattoes, skilful in expounding signs and mysteries, after events have
+come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into the
+escutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the
+beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would
+be elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee, and patient industry
+overtopped by windy speculation.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [35] The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists;
+        but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays
+        excepting on sleighing parties, by the descendants of the
+        patriarchs, who still preserve the traditions of the city.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down
+the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those
+humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we
+find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious to
+preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments
+of country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever
+proposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck; whereby, in
+case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up--and there the
+matter ended.
+
+The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one
+trifling alteration in the judicial code; and legal matters were so clear
+and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of
+employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to
+litigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that
+they make scarce any figure in history; it being only your litigatous,
+quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world.
+
+I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the
+internal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him had
+he in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon the
+precaution of the good Charondas; or had he looked nearer home at the
+protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed
+without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy,
+meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the
+true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He
+accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments
+for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by
+ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the
+sequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances,
+too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without
+the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap.
+
+In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent; a
+class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were
+instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to
+abound, and the community was soon set together by the ears.
+
+Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession
+of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order.
+Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy
+gentlemen, the knights-errant of modern days, who go about redressing
+wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre,
+nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing
+good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my
+ink-bottle for ever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the
+dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the
+contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter
+days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant
+Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry; who, under its
+auspices, commit flagrant wrongs; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and
+chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are
+engendered.
+
+Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of
+gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty,
+vexatious, and disgraceful suits were it not for the herds of
+pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more
+ignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in
+itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in
+medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to
+augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifogger
+exhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack
+is for ever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with
+infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after
+prone to embroil himself with his neighbors, and impoverish himself with
+successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I
+have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool and
+unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent
+city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having been
+nearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me; and my ruin
+having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor.
+
+To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral
+offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more
+strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the
+root of all evil, and determined to cut it up root and branch, and
+extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his
+travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices
+posted up in country towns, that "any vagrant found begging there would be
+put in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in
+these neighborhoods; having doubtless thrown off their rags and their
+poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to
+improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine of his own
+invention was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less
+than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction,
+far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment
+of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so
+renowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the
+culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerable
+custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling
+between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time, to the infinite
+entertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually
+attend exhibitions of the kind.
+
+Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, vagrants, and beggars
+and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way. As to those
+who had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant
+misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood
+convicted of large debts which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had
+them straightway enclosed within the stone walls of a prison, there to
+remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient,
+however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under William the
+Testy than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poor
+devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew.
+
+END OF VOLUME I.
+
+
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+VOLUME II.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+The playful devices by which attention was directed to the coming
+publication of the History of Diedrich Knickerbocker are represented in
+the author's opening to the first volume. Irving joined afterward in
+business as a sleeping partner, visited England in 1815, and, while
+cordially welcomed here by Thomas Campbell, Walter Scott, and others, the
+failure of his brother's business obliged him to make writing his
+profession. The publishers at first refused to take one of the most
+charming of his works, the "Sketch Book"; but John Murray yielded at last
+to the influence of Walter Scott, and paid £200 for the copyright of it, a
+sum afterward increased to £400. "Bracebridge Hall" and the "Tales of a
+Traveler" followed. Irving went to Spain with the American Ambassador to
+translate documents and acquire experience which he used afterward in
+successive books. "The Life and Voyages of Columbus" appeared in 1828, and
+was followed by "Voyages of the Companions of Columbus."
+
+In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, this time as Secretary to
+the American Legation. He published the "Conquest of Granada." In 1831 he
+received the honorary degree of LL.D. from the University of Oxford. Then
+he returned to America, published in 1832 "The Alhambra;" in 1835 "Legends
+of the Conquest of Spain." In 1842 he went again to Spain, this time as
+American Minister. Other works were produced, and at the close of his life
+he achieved his early ambition, by writing a Life of Washington, after
+whom he had been named, and who had laid his hand upon his head and
+blessed him when he was a child of five. Although the first of the five
+volumes of the Life of Washington did not appear until he was more than
+seventy years old, he lived to complete his work, and died on the 28th of
+November, 1859. Washington Irving never married. He had loved in his early
+years a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, had sat by her death-bed when
+she was a girl of seventeen, and waited until his own death restored her
+to him.
+
+H.M.
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+_BOOK IV_. (_continued._)
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those
+of William the Testy for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon
+of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous,
+had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of
+Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the
+precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets
+of New Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than
+strings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish,
+and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the
+simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchange
+for peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money
+of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of
+the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who
+used it to ornament their robes and moccasins; but among the honest
+burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the
+paper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weight
+with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company and
+all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to
+sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern
+Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to
+New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation.
+
+And now for a time affairs went on swimmingly; money became as plentiful
+as in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase,
+"a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee traders
+poured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on,
+and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price--in Indian money. If the
+latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their
+tinware and wooden bowls the case was altered; nothing would do but Dutch
+guilders, and such-like "metallic currency." What was worse, the Yankees
+introduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster shells, with which
+they deluged the province, carrying off all the silver and gold, the Dutch
+herrings and Dutch cheeses: thus early did the knowing men of the East
+manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the
+oyster, and leaving them the shell.[36]
+
+It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible how
+completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his
+eastern neighbors; nor would he probably have ever found it out had not
+tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long
+Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were
+coining up all the oyster banks.
+
+Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense,
+financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster
+figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind
+of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes; as witness the temples
+erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the
+standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft
+crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington.
+
+The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the
+pockets, but on the larders of the New Amsterdammers; the whole community
+was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the
+Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the standard; nay, some of
+the most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a
+_corps de reserve_, only to be called into action when the sacking
+commenced.
+
+The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who,
+for size and weight, might have matched with Colbrand, the Danish
+champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province
+for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff; or rather, Brinkerhoofd; that is to say, Stoffel the
+Head-breaker.
+
+This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led
+his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and
+Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any
+difficulty of note, though it is said that some of the burgomasters gave
+out at Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry Hollow; and that others lost heart,
+and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until
+he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay.
+
+Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by Preserved
+Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and
+Determined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily
+believed the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let loose
+upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the "select men"
+of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only
+to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of
+arguing--that was with the cudgel; but he used it with such effect that he
+routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the
+inhabitants into the sea, if they had not managed to escape across the
+Sound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to this
+day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees.
+
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and
+uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand
+triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William
+the Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a
+Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the
+enemy, were borne before him; and an immense store of oysters and clams,
+Weathersfield onions, and Yankee "notions" formed the _spolia opima;_
+while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the
+hero's triumph.
+
+The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes,
+performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells,
+while Anthony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts.
+
+A great banquet was served up in the Stadthouse from the clams and oysters
+taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the
+mint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his
+troops.
+
+It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among
+the ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues,
+passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to
+paint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign!
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [36] In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library
+        of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of
+        Indian money:--"Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from
+        the Quahang or whelk, a shell-fish formerly abounding on our
+        coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence of two colors, black
+        and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of
+        the white and three of the black for an English penny. The
+        seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England people
+        make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the
+        best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large
+        quantity of beavers' and other furs, by which the company is
+        defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in
+        making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet
+        their engagements; while their commissioners and the inhabitants
+        remain overstocked with seawant, a sort of currency of no value
+        except with the New Netherland savages," etc.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the
+inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they
+became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the
+little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent
+exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry; and
+the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a
+batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at
+large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy
+commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam;
+insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and
+perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and
+abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is
+disfigured.
+
+The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam's ass, began
+to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition for
+what is called "self-government." This restive propensity was first
+evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New
+Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated affairs of the
+province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco
+smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang
+loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers
+abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmiths
+suffered their fires to go out, while they stirred up the fires of
+faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity,
+neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government.
+
+Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally
+understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to
+exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word
+for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William the
+Testy.
+
+Under the instructions of these political oracles, the good people of New
+Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened; and, as a matter of course,
+exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error in
+which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people in
+creation; and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary not
+withstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined
+people!
+
+We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary
+causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders,
+and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this
+said by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these
+observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man
+groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render him
+wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity: as it would be an herculean
+task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could
+topple him off thence.
+
+I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generally
+held at some noted tavern; these public edifices possessing what in modern
+times are thought the true fountains of political inspiration. The ancient
+Germans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it when
+sober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon a
+subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a world
+of delay is spared; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk
+sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as his
+sober neighbors.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a
+small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been
+greatly annoyed by the facetious meetings of the good people of New
+Amsterdam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in
+their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the
+affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and
+tobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began
+forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all
+its uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the
+public pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness,
+and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, he
+issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New
+Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age, and
+attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have
+struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in
+fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New
+Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace--was he gay, he
+smoked: was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it was
+a part of his physiognomy; without it, his best friends would not know
+him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!
+
+The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular
+commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an
+immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor's
+house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William
+issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawless
+fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and
+puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the
+governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle.
+
+A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Anthony the Trumpeter. The
+governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked
+into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he
+abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller,
+denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he
+condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business; in place whereof
+he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which,
+he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the
+hatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming
+insurrection, which was long known by the name of the Pipe Plot, and
+which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots
+and seditions, in mere smoke.
+
+But mark, O reader! the deplorable evils which did afterward result. The
+smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud
+about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all
+the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them as
+vaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, from
+being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch
+yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried,
+leather-hided race.
+
+Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco pipes we may date the
+rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-important
+burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered
+to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long
+Pipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more
+convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian
+name of Short Pipes.
+
+A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the
+companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether, and took
+up chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids; an appellation since
+given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two
+great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass.
+
+And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving
+the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into
+three classes--those who think for themselves, those who think as others
+think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the
+great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a
+file-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body of
+people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the
+lead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they
+must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above
+all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who is
+not a thoroughgoing hater.
+
+The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being divided
+into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. And
+now the great business of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and
+Short Pipes assemblings in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each
+other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and
+profit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter
+their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so
+strong in the Dutch language; believing, like true politicians, that they
+served their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayed
+their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all
+parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor
+of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them.
+
+Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped,
+and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign
+expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;
+all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by "numerous and
+respectable meetings" of pot-house politicians.
+
+In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the
+multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William
+Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to
+perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion
+with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, that
+your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily
+upset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, who
+was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his
+ear. The consequence was that though a projector of the first class, yet,
+by continually changing his projects, he gave none a fair trial; and by
+endeavoring to do everything, he, in sober truth, did nothing.
+
+In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showed
+themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governor
+with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and
+reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky
+devil of a hack-horse; so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a
+gallop throughout the whole of his administration.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like a
+vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of
+thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an
+evil; and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the
+time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, in
+fact, is a pestilent shrew, and, withal, an inexorable creditor; and
+though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in
+long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a
+vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. "Since," says good
+old Boethius, "no man can retain her at his pleasure, what are her favors
+but sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?"
+
+This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the
+Croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men
+rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that the
+higher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the lower must
+be his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of a
+ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs
+very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top.
+
+Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged in
+dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter,
+and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not
+be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his
+days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the
+Testy.
+
+The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the
+discoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and
+Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of
+Oloffe the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts were
+carried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. The
+consequence was many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and
+then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like
+the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without,
+however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the
+Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little
+governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from the
+Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony of
+Swedes in the South, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, and
+displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken
+possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their
+expedition by one Peter Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman,
+formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses; but who now declared
+himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the
+name of the province of New Sweden.
+
+It is an old saying, that "a little pot is soon hot," which was the case
+with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and
+once in a passion he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the
+receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that
+had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and
+Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he
+resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched a
+document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of
+Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of
+vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the
+potentates of the Manhattoes.
+
+This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors
+which had been thundered against the Yankees, and William Kieft was
+preparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when he
+received intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who had
+taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there.
+They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly
+expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the
+rough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their
+prototypes and cousins-german the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne
+considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, much
+given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple toddy; whence
+their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland,
+which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day.
+
+In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were
+represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as
+his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east; having both
+come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other
+words, to live as they pleased; the Yankees taking to praying and
+money-making and converting Quakers, and the Southerners to horse-racing
+and cock-fighting and breeding negroes.
+
+Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval
+armament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was
+armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful
+speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch.
+
+Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon
+the enemy just as they were engaged in a great "barbecue," a king of
+festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them with
+the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy,
+canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-driving,
+tavern-haunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts: and
+concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately; to which
+they laconically replied in plain English, "They'd see him d----d first!"
+
+Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus
+Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally
+unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the
+admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report
+progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where
+he arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small
+expense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the
+universal appellation of the Savior of his Country, and his services were
+suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the
+top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole
+years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for firewood.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+About this time, the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears
+to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have
+been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following
+up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measures
+against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called
+away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of
+which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter.
+
+The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific
+governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of Bearn
+Island by _wapen recht_. While the governor doubted and did nothing, the
+lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of
+Rensellaersteen, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the
+Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest
+fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon,
+accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate
+his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty
+it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed,
+unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag,
+lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of Rensellaersteen.
+
+This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords
+States General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter the
+Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy, on coming into
+office and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian
+Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degrees
+a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been established in
+the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the
+very name of Rensellaersteen.
+
+Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the company's yacht, the
+Half Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was
+quietly tiding it down the Hudson; the commander, Govert Lockerman, a
+veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the
+high poop, quietly smoking his pipe, under the shadow of the proud flag
+of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by a
+stentorian voice from the shore, "Lower thy flag, and be d----d to thee!"
+
+Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his
+eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus
+discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn,
+armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a
+steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian Van
+Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor.
+
+Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be
+dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, "To whom should I lower
+my flag?" demanded he. "To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the
+lord of Rensellaersteen!" was the reply.
+
+"I lower it to none but the Prince Orange and my masters, the Lords States
+General." So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged
+determination.
+
+Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging.
+Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly.
+
+Bang! went another gun; the shot whistling close astern.
+
+"Fire, and be d----d," cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge of
+tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence.
+
+Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in
+the "princely flag of Orange."
+
+This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert
+Lockerman; he maintained a stubborn though swelling silence, but his
+smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke
+emitted from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he
+slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact, he
+never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the Highlands of
+the Hudson, when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said
+to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give
+particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood.
+
+It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog's Misery, bearing
+in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of
+William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the
+marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the
+little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it to
+say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery
+topsy-turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the
+window; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went
+into a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by
+Anthony Van Corlear, the trumpeter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end
+of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patron of
+Rensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with
+the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land.
+The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to
+evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling
+for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates,
+his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for
+diplomacy.
+
+Accordingly Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the
+company's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Anthony the Trumpeter as
+ambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. In
+the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Anthony the
+Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parly to the forces. In a little
+while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, rose
+above the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and ultimately his
+whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth; while one by one a
+whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall,
+and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing
+daunted by this formidable array, Anthony Van Corlear drew forth and read
+with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against
+the usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the
+premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of
+the Manhattoes.
+
+In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end
+of his nose, and the thumb of the left hand to the little finger of the
+right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with
+his fingers. Anthony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this
+sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking to
+betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of
+William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right
+hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little
+finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. Anthony
+Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or
+symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a new
+diplomat like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of
+William the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded
+his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down the
+river, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of the
+wacht-meester, to keep it accurately in mind.
+
+Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of his embassy to the
+governor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas
+Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. He was
+deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, but they threw no light on
+the matter. He knew ever variety of windmill and weathercock, but was not
+a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in
+Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic symbols of the obelisk, but none
+furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his
+council. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the
+thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the
+finger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign.
+Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put
+in capitals, but all in vain, the worthy burgomasters were equally
+perplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his
+nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony Van
+Corlear, then smoked on in dubious silence. Several times was Anthony
+obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time
+a circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber.
+
+Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayers
+and fortune tellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could
+interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up in
+sore perplexity. The matter got abroad; Anthony Van Corlear was stopped at
+every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each
+of whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to
+carry the story home of his family. For several days all business was
+neglected in New Amsterdam; nothing was talked of but the diplomatic
+mission of Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots of
+politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fierce
+feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first
+had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other war
+questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy.
+
+Still, to this early affair of Rensellaersteen may be traced the remote
+origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the
+Helderberg, and have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van
+Rensellaers to its foundation: for we are told that the bully boys of the
+Helderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, carried
+back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled
+Anthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so that to the
+present day, the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be
+the reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any long arrears
+of rent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times who had a nearer
+opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace
+lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes;
+and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned,
+and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts; for about
+this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north,
+incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon the
+pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some
+broad-bottomed express rider, covered with mud and mire, would come
+floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale
+of aggression from the frontier; whereupon Anthony Van Corlear, seizing
+his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days,
+would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and
+disastrous cadence, as to throw half the old women in the city into
+hysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, there
+being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently
+treated to a panic--a secret well known to modern editors.
+
+But oh, ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of
+the Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter,
+protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch,
+were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters of
+the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant
+campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent victory at
+Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of
+his foul weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up
+of those clouds and indications of more portentous tempests; for the
+Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable
+occasion their incompetency to cope in fair fight with the sturdy chivalry
+of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their
+brethren who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived the
+name of Yankee land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence
+was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New
+Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the "United Colonies of New
+England;" the pretended object of which was mutual defense against the
+savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of history, the
+Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the
+modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people
+destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it.
+In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people; of that class who
+only require an inch to gain an ell; or a halter to gain a horse. From the
+time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate,
+progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making
+a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that
+a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received the
+nickname of "The Pilgrims," that is to say, a people who are always
+seeking a better country than their own.
+
+The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay,
+and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeable
+piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that he
+had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this
+was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic League, by which the states of
+Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heart
+quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes.
+
+The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of
+delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this
+truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to
+the New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the
+Indians, with carrying on a traffic in "guns, powther, and shott--a trade
+damnable and injurious to the colonists." It is true the Connecticut
+traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic; but then
+they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculated
+to burst in the pagan hands which used them.
+
+The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of
+William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head,
+but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented
+in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of
+New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued
+occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea
+captain fires his guns into a water spout, but, alas! they had no more
+effect than so many blank cartridges.
+
+Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy,
+for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times,
+he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for ever
+through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern
+that such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for he was in truth
+a mighty and great little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned,
+seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the
+art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and
+windmills.
+
+It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were
+great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysterious
+exit, have fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and
+forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the crab;
+while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fate
+similar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient
+bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairyland, where he
+still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another
+return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity,
+which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.[37]
+
+All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of
+those dreaming varlets the poets, to which I would not have my judicious
+reader attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient
+and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus
+was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills, nor a writer
+of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in
+natural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from a garret
+window of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling
+salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that
+he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore,
+discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill
+mountains.[38]
+
+The most probable account declares, that what with the constant troubles
+on his frontiers--the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own
+pericranium--the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of
+advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractory
+disposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on every
+point, and uniformly to be in the wrong--his mind was kept in a furnace
+heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which
+has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did
+he undergo a kind of animal combustion consuming away like a farthing
+rushlight, so that when grim Death finally snuffed him out, there was
+scarcely left enough of him to bury!
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [37] "The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead,
+        but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where
+        he sholde remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne
+        in as great authority as ever."--_Holinshed_.
+
+        "The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all
+        Britaigne; for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn--He say'd
+        that his deth shall be doubteous; and said soth, for men thereof
+        yet have doubte and shullen for evermore, for men wyt not whether
+        that he lyveth or is dede."--_De Leew Chron_.
+
+   [38] Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after
+        truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which
+        border a little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore
+        rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable
+        Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the
+        New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an
+        eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty
+        between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of
+        the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment,
+        the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity
+        of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump
+        and gave it to be proved by a skillful doctor of medicine,
+        Johannes de la Montagne, one of the councillors of the New
+        Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces
+        of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian
+        Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with
+        the Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain,
+        in the region of the Kaatskill, under the guidance of an Indian,
+        to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful
+        of ore, which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as
+        productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discovery
+        certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent Corsen, with a
+        bagful of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage in an English
+        ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed
+        at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board
+        perished.[A]
+
+        In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the
+        _Princess_, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral.
+        The ship was never heard of more!
+
+        Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but
+        pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an
+        eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a
+        learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question.
+        Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New
+        Netherlands, declared, in Holland, that he had tested several
+        specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory. It would
+        appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill
+        always brought ill luck; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent
+        Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which
+        they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The
+        golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the
+        mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of
+        the goblins which haunt them.
+
+        [A] See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlands,
+            Collect. New York Hist. Society, vol. i., p. 161.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK V._
+
+CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a
+subject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half way,
+there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great
+man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of
+ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it
+is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceedingly
+small space in the world; and it is equally certain, that even that small
+space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. "Of what consequence is
+it," said Pliny, "that individuals appear, or make their exit? the world
+is a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did
+philosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder that so wise a remark
+could have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to
+heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps out
+of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him; and of
+the proudest monarch it is merely said that, "he slept with his fathers,
+and his successor reigned in his stead."
+
+The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss,
+and, if left to itself, would soon forget to grieve; and though a nation
+has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man,
+yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion,
+excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian,
+the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to
+sustain; who, kind souls! like undertakers in England, act the part of
+chief mourners; who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and
+deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the
+patriotic author is weeping and howling in prose, in blank verse, and in
+rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into
+a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating
+and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter
+lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe and
+Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to
+become sureties.
+
+The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered
+into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some
+historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to
+posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, and
+turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I
+question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic
+history for all his future celebrity.
+
+His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its
+vicinity; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their
+spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain
+persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks
+(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang
+their heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next
+night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever
+did, on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The
+good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a
+very busy, active, bustling little governor; that he was "the father of
+his country;" that he was "the noblest work of God;" that "he was a man,
+take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again;"
+together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, regularly said
+on the death of all great men; after which they smoked their pipes,
+thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller,
+the best of our ancient Dutch governors; Wouter having surpassed all who
+preceded him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old
+Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never
+been equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man fitted by
+Nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not
+the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters,
+destined them to inextricable confusion.
+
+To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice; he
+was, in truth, a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned
+make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules
+would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertook
+to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes
+Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise for
+his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like the
+self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign
+people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very
+bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial
+excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental
+advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have
+graced any of their heroes.
+
+This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had
+gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was
+so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all
+his other limbs put together; indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that he
+had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused
+it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver
+leg.[39]
+
+Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore
+bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and
+attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the manner of
+his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders
+with his walking staff.
+
+Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or
+Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a
+shrewdness and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly expect from
+a man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True it
+is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to
+experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest
+manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the
+erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to
+assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few
+laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and
+impartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as
+well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes
+yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten.
+
+He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither
+tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting,
+like William the Testy; but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon
+activity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the
+advice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero
+of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and
+dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete him
+as a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that he
+always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found
+himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting,
+by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he
+possessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a statesman, called
+perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. A
+wonderful salve for official blunders; since he who perseveres in error
+without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he
+who wavers, in seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer.
+This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all
+legislators great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute
+which way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself,
+while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great
+risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's
+foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The
+clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours,
+while others may keep going continually, and be continually going wrong.
+
+Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people
+of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the
+independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by
+their new governor, that they universally called him Hard Koppig Piet, or
+Peter the Headstrong, a great compliment to the strength of his
+understanding.
+
+If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that
+Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome,
+obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor,
+either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at
+drawing conclusions.
+
+This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of
+May, 1647; a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacks of
+the time which have come down to us by the name of "Windy Friday." As he
+was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated
+into office with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like
+manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone, in
+Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs.
+
+I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements,
+together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed "hanging day,"
+did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonable
+apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants; and
+several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in
+the mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare outright that
+they were omens of a disastrous administration; an event that came to be
+lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of
+attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and
+visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on
+which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance; or to
+those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, and
+flarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the oracular
+Sibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate
+inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much
+is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a
+turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, when
+anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the
+authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though
+supported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, and
+proclamations, yet tottered to its very center; and when the great city of
+New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills,
+seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and
+ready to yield to the first invader.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [39] See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of
+government, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a little
+marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself
+constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his
+privy council, the members of which had acquired the unreasonable habit of
+thinking and speaking to themselves during the preceding reign, he
+determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely,
+therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office
+all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy;
+in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from those fat,
+somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under
+the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished
+with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent
+corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the
+good of the nation, while he took the burden of government upon his own
+shoulders--an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence.
+
+Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and
+expedients of his learned predecessor--rooting up his patent gallows,
+where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing his
+flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts
+of New Amsterdam; pitching to the Duyvel whole batteries of Quaker guns;
+and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and
+windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam.
+
+The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their
+matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious
+favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet.
+Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and
+eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would
+have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass--"Pr'ythee, who and
+what art thou?" said he. "Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed,
+"for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear--for my parentage, I am the son of
+my mother--for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great
+city of New Amsterdam." "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, "that
+thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave: how didst thou acquire this
+paramount honor and dignity?" "Marry, sir," replied the other, "like many
+a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trumpet." "Ay, is it so?"
+quoth the governor; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art."
+Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a
+charge with such tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a
+triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of
+one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger,
+grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up
+his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the
+heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might
+truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England,
+"there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to
+hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their
+steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy
+Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his
+discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway
+conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the
+troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever
+after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential
+envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous
+notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at
+his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious
+chivalry; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people
+with warlike melody, thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.
+
+But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation
+in the community was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had
+old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the
+true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his first
+edicts was that all duties to government should be paid in those precious
+metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender.
+
+Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the rise
+and fall of this fluctuating currency found their calling at an end;
+those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their
+capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were
+accustomed to flood the market with newly-coined oyster-shells, and to
+abstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying this
+"tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce; it
+was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an
+end; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries;
+grass would grow in the marketplace. In a word, no one who has not heard
+the outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon "paper
+money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong for
+checking the circulation of oyster-shells.
+
+In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream was
+deep as it was broad. The honest Dutchman sold less goods; but then they
+got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tinware,
+apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of
+Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified
+themselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage of
+oyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made
+their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the
+Dutch housewives.
+
+
+    NOTE.
+
+    From a manuscript record of the province (Lib, N.Y. Hist,
+    Soc.).--"We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser,
+    and prevent their being, further imposed upon, than to declare,
+    absolutely and peremptorily, that henceforward seawant shall be
+    bullion--not longer admissable in trade, without any value, as it
+    is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no
+    longer away his wares and merchandise for these baubles; at least
+    not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity,
+    than as they may want them in their trade with the savages.
+
+    "In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be
+    enabled to draw the best wares and merchandise from our country
+    for nothing; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed,
+    long since been insufferable; although it ought chiefly to be
+    imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and
+    inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition
+    of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent.
+
+    "27th January, 1662,
+
+    "Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating the
+internal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused
+such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and
+power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston,
+where it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mighty
+principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this
+formidable combination was mutual protection and defence against their
+savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand
+crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of the city of
+the Manhattoes--as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the
+Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient Crusaders.
+
+In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a
+grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its
+dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode
+Island, praying to be admitted into the league.
+
+The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records of
+the council.[40]
+
+"Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this
+insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting----
+
+
+    "Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee
+    the ilanders of Rhoode Iland may be rescauied into combination
+    with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and
+    perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence,
+    mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall
+    safety and wellfaire, etc.
+
+    "WILL COTTINGTON.
+    "ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG."
+
+There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document
+that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however
+mis-spelt, has been warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is in
+some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of
+Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great
+resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter,
+moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the
+noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may
+picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in
+the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among
+that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count
+beyond the number four.
+
+The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part
+of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments farther
+and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even
+the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath, and to find
+themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his
+first impulse was to march at once to the frontier, and kick these
+squatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time that
+he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once
+cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at
+negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the great
+council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either
+side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, adjust grievances,
+and establish a "perpetual and happy peace."
+
+The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according to
+immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the "wisest and
+weightiest" men of the community; that is to say, men with the oldest
+heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans
+Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time
+of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the
+kind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first
+spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his masthead, and all the
+world knows that the discovery of the mouth of the river gives prior right
+to all the lands drained by its waters.
+
+It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the
+Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on
+this embassy; men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose
+presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: when
+it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
+his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that
+men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no
+alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife
+and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High
+Mightinesses on which they had squatted.
+
+In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no
+wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean
+Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no
+substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no
+jingling of money in their pockets; it is true they had longer heads than
+the Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were
+broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up
+by a double chin.
+
+The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of original
+discovery; according to the principle that he who first sees a new country
+has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran
+Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the
+identical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered the
+mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back
+in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the
+weather-gauge of the Yankees, but what was their dismay when the latter
+produced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with which he
+discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes: and so crooked
+that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river.
+This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the
+whole country bordering on the Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a
+mere Dutch squatting-place on their territories.
+
+I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at
+finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither
+will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the
+Manhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had been out-trumped
+by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of
+New Amsterdam.
+
+Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in
+a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary questions,
+when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an
+appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right,
+and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise,
+or mutual concession--that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims,
+and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, and
+the whole is pronounced an equitable division, "perfectly honorable to
+both parties."
+
+The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up
+claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never seen,
+and all right to the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amsterdam,
+to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that
+the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had
+squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river.
+
+When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was
+in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no
+war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion; while
+the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the
+Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had
+been "fobbed off with."
+
+And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter,
+congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be
+harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded
+hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that
+disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such
+expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the
+paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which I solicit his
+serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter
+Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, by
+effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the
+province.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [40] Haz. Coll. Stat. Pap.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war was
+the original state of man, whom he described as being, primitively, a
+savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his
+own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by
+society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes;[41] nor have there
+been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it.
+
+For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so
+complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to
+take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,[42] that though war
+may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employment
+of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from
+being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and
+civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards
+that state of perfection which is the _ne plus ultra_ of modern
+philosophy.
+
+The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical
+force, unaided by auxiliary weapons--his arm was his buckler, his fist was
+his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle
+of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and
+clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement,
+as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more
+exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of
+murdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and
+to assault--the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart,
+and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the
+blow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic invention, he
+enlarges and heightens his powers of defense and injury. The aries, the
+scorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to
+war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still
+insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of
+destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even
+with the desires of revenge--still deeper researches must be made in the
+diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the
+earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals, and deadly salts--the sublime
+discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world; and finally, the dreadful
+art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with
+ubiquity and omnipotence!
+
+This, indeed, is grand!--this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and
+bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the
+animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves with
+the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts
+with his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the leopard,
+and the tiger, seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify
+their sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom,
+and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone,
+blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,
+enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates the
+tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in
+murdering his brother worm!
+
+In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art
+of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered, in
+this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most
+formidable engine of war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode
+of maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations.
+
+A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore, according
+to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is
+no longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, and
+to establish an equitable exchange of kind offices; but a contest of skill
+between two powers which shall overreach and take in the other it is a
+cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery of
+cabinets those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by
+force of arms; in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms
+and becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with
+cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized
+with open violence.
+
+In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of
+perfect amity is when a negotiation is open and a treaty pending. Then,
+when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the
+will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right
+implanted in our nature; when each party has some advantage to hope and
+expect from the other; then it is that the two nations are wonderfully
+gracious and friendly, their ministers professing the highest mutual
+regard, exchanging _billets-doux_, making fine speeches, and indulging in
+all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that
+do so marvelously tickle the good humor of the respective nations. Thus it
+may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding
+between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding--and that
+so long as they are on terms at all they are on the best terms in the
+world!
+
+I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above
+discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain
+enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories,
+privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentleman
+who has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of
+heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful
+ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting
+negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as ambassador some
+political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions,
+and dexterous in the art of baffling argument; or some blundering
+statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to
+ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so
+popular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors,
+between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character to
+establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and
+concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone,
+or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement,
+therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in consequence
+of which the negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is no
+prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays
+and obstacles but time; and in a negotiation, according to the theory I
+have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained; with what
+delightful paradoxes does modern political economy abound!
+
+Now all that I have here advanced, is so notoriously true, that I almost
+blush to take up the time of my readers, with treating of matters which
+must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to
+which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that though a
+negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a
+treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful
+sources of war.
+
+I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals
+that did not produce jealousies, bickerings and often downright ruptures
+between them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did
+not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country
+neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for
+years, have been thrown into a state of distrust, caviling, and animosity,
+by some ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray
+cattle! and how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have
+remained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have been
+brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of
+some treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of making
+their amity more sure!
+
+Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their
+fulfilment; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker party
+only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will
+wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby, and
+therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it have
+anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the
+righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong
+that it could not thrust the sword through; nay, I would hold ten to one
+the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to
+find a pretext for hostilities.
+
+Thus, therefore, I conclude--that though it is the best of all policies
+for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it
+is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty; for then
+comes on non-fulfillment and infraction, then remonstrance, then
+altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war.
+In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant
+speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses--but the marriage ceremony is
+the signal for hostilities.
+
+If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination of
+the foregoing passage, he will perceive at a glance that the great Peter,
+in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of
+lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be
+traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about
+fancied or pretended infringements of treaty stipulations; in all which
+the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the sides"
+of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they
+gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Mannahata, were so pitiful in
+their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the time
+spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires,
+would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is,
+therefore, to take it for granted--though I scorn to waste in the detail
+that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is
+invaluable--that all the while the great Peter was occupied in those
+tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a
+continued series of little, dirty, sniveling scourings, broils, and
+maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of
+Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don
+Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an
+historian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements of
+higher dignity; for at this moment I hear a direful and portentous note
+issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resounding
+throughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of
+Peter Stuyvesant; I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind him
+all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward
+with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be
+wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [41] Hobbes, Leviathan, part i., ch. 13.
+
+   [42]
+        "Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,
+        Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter,
+        Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque its porro
+        Pugnabaut armis, quæ post fabricaverat usus."
+                    --Hor. _Sat._ lib. i. s. 3.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter
+Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced
+in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the
+Nederlanders were carrying on a trade "damnable and injurious to the
+colonists," in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther, and shott."
+This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy
+to have a snug cause of war _in petto_, in case any favorable opportunity
+should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands, the great
+object of Yankee ambition.
+
+Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of complaint had
+apparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with
+tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of Peter
+Stuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash,
+was proof against such missiles.
+
+To be explicit, we are told that, in the years 1651, the great confederacy
+of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of
+steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the
+Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise and massacre the
+Yankee settlements. "For," as the grand council observed, "the Indians
+round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of
+an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English,
+whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects."
+
+This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians,
+who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in
+the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been
+so many Christian troopers.
+
+Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the losel
+Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and
+his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a
+bloody nose in one of these border wars; and my grandfather, when a very
+little boy tending pigs, having been kidnaped and severely flogged by a
+long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster--yet I should have passed over all
+these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion--I could even have suffered
+them to have broken Everett Ducking's head; to have kicked the doughty
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors; to have carried
+every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of
+the earth with perfect impunity--but this wanton attack upon one of the
+most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much even
+for me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the
+historian and the forbearance of the Dutchman.
+
+Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false! If thou hast any
+respect to my word, if the undeviating character for veracity, which I
+have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight with
+thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledge
+my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant
+was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his
+right arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlasting
+flames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way than
+open, generous warfare. Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired to
+sully his honest name by such an imputation!
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight errant,
+had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of King
+Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble
+virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild
+flowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by
+Nature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken to
+refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his
+dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above board; if there was
+anything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning
+and secret wile; "straight forward" was his motto, and he at any time
+rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round
+it.
+
+Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration of him has on this
+occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the
+philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology that
+though a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of
+life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in the
+eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed
+thrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed
+escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyses every
+glow of enthusiasm.
+
+The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous
+charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the
+chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across
+the table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a
+proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with
+giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Christian, a
+soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot
+in question lied in his throat; to prove which he offered to meet the
+president of the council, or any of his compeers; or their champion,
+Captain Alexander Partridge, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat;
+wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm.
+
+This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Anthony Van
+Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day,
+sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of
+his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Anthony accomplished his
+mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered
+his missive with becoming ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of
+defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant
+and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridge, who nearly jumped
+out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonishment.
+
+The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put
+readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run
+a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the
+advantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in
+reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading; so they
+devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the "raw" which
+they had established.
+
+On receiving this answer, Anthony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare
+which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing
+himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet like a very
+devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut, resounded
+with the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to the windows as he
+passed through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all the other
+border towns; ogling and winking at the women, and making aerial
+windmills from the end of his nose at their husbands; and stopping
+occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country
+frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced exceedingly
+with his soul-stirring instrument.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the
+coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that "his confident
+denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little
+against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians;" that "his
+guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must still
+require and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with--"so we rest,
+sir--Yours in ways of righteousness."
+
+I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding
+himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round
+him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
+aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the
+council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and
+offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His
+offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to
+an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of
+high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the
+confederate plantations, where the matter might be investigated by his
+peers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity.
+
+While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one
+sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes two
+lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with
+saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who
+looked marvelously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from
+one county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth, though
+they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to
+suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthy
+Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut river.
+
+It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the grass
+grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the inn and
+deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of
+the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon
+pipe on the "stoop," or bench at the porch of his house, and announced
+themselves at once as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east
+to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him.
+
+The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a
+moment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they were
+proceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions; asking him,
+peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty; considering him
+something in the light of a culprit at the bar; when they were brought to
+a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his
+walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a
+crown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesant
+repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varlets
+from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn; then
+strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they
+should never again be admitted to his presence.
+
+The knowing commissioners winked to each other and made a certificate on
+the spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrogatories or
+to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the
+city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence,
+perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until they
+had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal
+tales, rumors, and calumnies; with these they mounted their Narraganset
+pacers, and travelled back to the grand council. Neither did the
+proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede
+their departure; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys;
+but I warrant me had they played the same tricks with William the Testy,
+he would have had them tucked up by the waistband, and treated to an
+aerial gambol on his patent gallows.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their
+envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everything
+went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the
+commissioners was construed into a consciousness of guilt. The contents of
+the satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council, and
+appeared a mountain of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, and
+declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious
+zealots who blow the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of
+politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. What was it to him if he
+should set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze?
+He was from the borders of Connecticut; his constituents lived by
+marauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers in
+Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its
+effect, and it was determined to set on foot an expedition against the
+Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure.
+Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for
+several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter
+Stuyvesant and his devoted city.
+
+This is the first we hear of the "drum ecclesiastic" beating up for
+recruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called into
+frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe;
+things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, like
+drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the
+simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust
+down his throat, labeled with a pious text from Scripture.
+
+And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes. It
+pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch,
+considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world for
+the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience: who were mere heretics
+and infidels, inasmuch as the refused to believe in witches and
+sea-serpents, and had, faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to the
+door; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were in
+perpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees, "Thou
+shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays."
+
+No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in
+the east, than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those
+economical rulers who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy
+is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and
+crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all
+diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence.
+
+Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were
+the militia laws, by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice
+a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God; and were put
+under the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinary
+occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men
+in the world, were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats on
+their heads and swords by their sides. Under the instructions of these
+periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled
+in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could
+march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without
+flinching; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right,
+wheel to the left, and fare without winking or blinking.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt
+gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops: however, he determined
+to give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general muster,
+inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona! what a turning-out was
+here! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his
+shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side; and Barent
+Dirkson, with something that looked like a copper kettle, turned upside
+down on his head, and a couple of old horse pistols in his belt; and Dirk
+Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a host
+more, armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snickersnees,
+crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the officers distinguished from the
+rest by having their slouched hats cocked up with pins and surmounted with
+cocktail feathers.
+
+The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect
+as a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bed
+soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manual
+exercise over and over again, trudged them backwards and forwards about
+the streets of New Amsterdam, until their short legs ached and their fat
+sides sweated again, and finally encamped them in the evening on the
+summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life,
+intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so
+it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and
+melted away the army, so that in the morning when Gaffer Phoebus shed his
+first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, excepting Peter
+Stuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van Corlear.
+
+This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of
+less nerve; but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the
+militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke--for he
+sometimes indulged in a joke--William the Testy's broken reed. He now took
+into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered,
+broad-bottomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom
+he boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least
+water-proof.
+
+He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across
+the island from river to river; and above all cast up mud batteries or
+redoubts on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom
+of the bay.
+
+These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun
+by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms
+and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their
+nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees,
+too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating the
+golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward
+which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of
+the town take their evening stroll, watching the silver moon beams as they
+trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of some
+gliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft vows of honest
+affection; for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of
+the marriages in New Amsterdam.
+
+Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The Battery, which, though
+ostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been consecrated
+to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy
+childhood--of many a tender assignation in riper years--of many a soothing
+walk in declining age--the healthful resort of the feeble invalid--the
+Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman--in fine, the ornament and
+delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and
+guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty
+pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of
+Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, at
+defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors
+of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag--otherwise called Weathersfield,
+famous for its onions and its witches--and of all the other border towns,
+were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting
+aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging of
+the fat little Dutch villages.
+
+In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the
+chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in
+this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant,
+the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of his
+defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carried
+conviction to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to
+believe him guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door.[43]
+
+The defection of so important a colony paralysed the councils of the
+league. Some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of yore
+in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade
+against the Manhattoes was abandoned.
+
+It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely disappointed;
+well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, by
+my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with
+all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes of Pyquag
+would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of
+Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and
+his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not have had the
+stomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander for
+a century to come.
+
+But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholy
+crusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about this time
+broke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft,
+which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a howling abomination
+could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it soon excited the fiery
+indignation of those guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evinced
+such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The
+grand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime,
+and bloody laws were enacted against all "solem conversing or compacting
+with the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like."[44] Strict search,
+too, was made after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches;
+by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye; and
+by having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks!
+What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art,
+which has baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers,
+theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant,
+decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains
+than the broomsticks they rode upon.
+
+When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a
+panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever,
+and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile
+is pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky
+cur in the street is in jeopardy; so in the present instance, whoever was
+troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched; and woe to any
+unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood.
+
+It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, "for every one
+of which," says the Reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the
+History of New England, "we have such a sufficient evidence, that no
+reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; and it will
+be unreasonable to do it in any other."[45]
+
+Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, gent.,
+furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. "There are none,"
+observes he, "that beg in this country, but there be witches too
+many--bottle-bellied witches and others, that produce many strange
+apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with
+women--and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; the
+ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden," etc.
+
+The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not
+more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the
+most solemn, persuasive and affectionate manner, to confess themselves
+guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion, and the entertainment of
+the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their
+innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate
+punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they
+were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their
+judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that
+were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed any
+evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced
+judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly
+satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them;
+but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, to
+quiet those praying quidnuncs who should come after them--in short, the
+world must be satisfied. Oh, the world! the world! all the world knows the
+world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges,
+therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting and making
+evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly
+understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that it
+may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of
+the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that
+should come after them.
+
+Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly
+entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the
+more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the
+truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the
+roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even
+carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture,
+protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as
+thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders
+only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in
+the flames.
+
+In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by
+stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being
+the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a
+demon by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measures
+equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The
+witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-stuck, and in a little while
+there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; which
+is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome.
+Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually
+recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches,
+which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatism, ciatics,
+and lumbagos; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of
+the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus
+pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a
+penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto
+this day, in their characters; witches occasionally start up among them in
+different disguises, as physicians, civilians and divines. The people at
+large show a keenness, a cleverness and a profundity of wisdom, that
+savors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that whenever any
+stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into
+New England.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [43] Hazard's State Papers.
+
+   [44] New Plymouth Record.
+
+   [45] Mather's Hist. New Eng. b. vi. ch. 7.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good
+St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which
+broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which
+filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness.
+
+A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the
+east; the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds
+of rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent
+glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heard
+in solitary places, and the border towns were so occupied in detecting and
+punishing losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was suspended,
+and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten.
+
+I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was some danger of
+this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and certain
+witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in
+the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthy
+Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, which
+it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of
+the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day on
+ancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of the patriarchs;
+nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch
+yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and
+Yankees out of the country.
+
+And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend from
+the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern
+frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting
+Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of
+the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations of
+that veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jensen
+Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes,
+Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command
+of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to
+great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories
+speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and
+his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees.
+In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more
+kicks, in a certain honorable part, than any of his comrades; in
+consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had been
+promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and
+suffered in his country's cause.
+
+It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses into
+some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others, of
+intellectual silver; while others are intellectually furnished with iron
+and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it would
+seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass
+enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to pass
+off upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the little governor would
+sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left
+those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the
+Dragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to
+the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his
+station by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, always styling himself
+Commander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sober
+truth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing,
+bottle-bruising ragamuffins.
+
+In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did his
+bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigious
+conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of
+wind given by Æolus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabond
+warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration of
+Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William
+the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled an
+admirable trumpeter.
+
+As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of
+the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon
+the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character,
+being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that
+he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within.
+He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a
+fishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through
+his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of
+well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out
+of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a
+lobster.
+
+I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
+warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
+accoutred cap-a-pie--booted to the middle--sashed to the chin--collared to
+the ears--whiskered to the teeth--crowned with an overshadowing cocked
+hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed
+a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he
+strutted about, as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of
+More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For what
+says the ballad?
+
+    "Had you but seen him in this dress,
+      How fierce he looked and how big,
+    You would have thought him for to be
+      Some Egyptian porcupig.
+    He frighted all--cats, dogs, and all,
+      Each cow, each horse, and each hog;
+    For fear did flee, for they took him to be
+      Some strange outlandish hedgehog."[46]
+
+I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, was
+not exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremost
+in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter,
+who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military
+notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving
+his right to his dignities.
+
+To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troops
+destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he departed from
+his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his
+undaunted march through savage deserts over insurmountable mountains,
+across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering
+vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than did
+Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches with a dubious
+screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlear
+repeated these contents in the streets and market-places with an
+appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the
+general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam.
+
+On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect a
+fortress, or stronghold, on the South of Delaware river. At first he
+bethought him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, a
+lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military
+commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be
+studded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men; in
+the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly
+degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is
+said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his excellency.
+
+As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may be
+worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was
+the germ of the present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properly
+speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises.
+
+His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to
+behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and out
+a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and
+on that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals,
+on the top of the ramparts, like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and
+vaporing on the top of a dovecote.
+
+There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unruly
+in the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, compelling them to box-lobby
+brawls and brokenheaded quarrels, unless there can be found some more
+harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delectable romance of
+Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did
+incontinently gallop into an adjacent forest, and belabor the trees with
+such might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence
+of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent
+and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the
+commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot
+within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him most
+lustily with his sabre; decapitating cabbages by platoons; hewing down
+lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes; and if, perchance, he
+espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, "Ah!
+caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I caught ye at last?" So saying,
+with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from
+their chins to their waist-bands; by which warlike havoc, his choler being
+in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full
+conviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess.
+
+He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky
+soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade;
+or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one
+day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his
+melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding
+with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe; he
+therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both
+officers and men throughout the garrison.
+
+Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named
+Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not a
+little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queue
+like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that
+his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to
+the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor
+of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning
+it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest
+of veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums--swore he would
+break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail--queued it
+stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the
+tail of a crocodile.
+
+The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the
+utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer
+not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and
+good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, the consequent safety of
+the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded the
+docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old
+Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the
+whole garrison--the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive-whereupon
+he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and
+all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with
+a "videlicet, in wearing an eelskin queue, three feet long, contrary to
+orders." Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and the
+whole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is
+well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting
+pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran
+would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of
+a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification--and deserted from all
+earthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained
+unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be
+carried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out of a hole in his
+coffin.
+
+This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as a
+disciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to
+bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrum
+of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump,
+his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [46] Ballad of Dragon of Wantley.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK VI._
+
+CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS
+GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the
+administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
+peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the
+war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note,
+and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
+troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose--from golden visions
+and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet "piping time of peace," he
+sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in Beauty's siren lap
+reclined he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwines
+with flowers his shining sword nor through the livelong lazy summer's day
+chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns
+the amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and
+clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where
+late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears
+the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield, and shakes
+the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns
+for deeds of glorious chivalry.
+
+But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any _preux
+chevalier_, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New
+Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic
+writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing
+aspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and
+such-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance
+they had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunning
+statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a
+Cæsar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical
+flourish is this: that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found
+it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its
+scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in
+which his mighty soul so much delighted.
+
+Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination; or rather, I
+behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs in the family mansion of the
+Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His
+regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of
+large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin; the
+voluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly
+behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored
+trunk-breeches, a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our
+day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who
+scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceeding
+terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair strutting out
+on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail
+queue below his waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting his
+chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fiery
+air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the
+Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his
+solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little in
+advance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a
+gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword, his head
+dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored
+frown upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most commanding,
+bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas.
+Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation.
+
+In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir,
+and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages,
+sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword.
+Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold of
+Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of New
+Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy
+of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir; for Master David
+Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as
+"weighing upwards of four hundred pounds," a huge feeder, and bouser in
+proportion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. He had a
+garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, guzzling, deep-drinking
+swashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals.
+
+No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort
+Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the
+land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction.
+
+To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to their
+High Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives as
+discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land
+measurer, Ten Broeck.
+
+To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by
+the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoat
+government of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortal
+that wore a breeches who should dare to meddle even with the hem of her
+sacred garment.
+
+I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some time
+by these windy commanders; Van-Poffenburgh, however, had served under
+William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor
+Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, now
+determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly he descended the
+river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one
+Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of Helsenburg.
+
+And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty
+commanders, striving to outstrut and outswell each other, like a couple of
+belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the
+tallest flag-staff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was a
+furious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress, and,
+whichever had the wind in its favor, would keep up a continual firing of
+cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gunpowder.
+
+On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;
+but so it happened that the Swedish fortress being lower down the river,
+all the Dutch vessels, bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to pass
+it. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, and
+compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of his
+battery.
+
+This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, and
+sorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld the
+flag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten
+his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a huge
+trencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every Dutch
+merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all the
+little round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, the
+sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutch
+luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he
+may have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their commodities,
+but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison,
+who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and diverted into the
+larders of the hostile camps? For some time this war of the cupboard was
+carried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, while
+the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs,
+daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in,
+and now, lo and behold! a great miracle was wrought for the relief of the
+Nederlands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of Egypt; for it
+came to pass that a great cloud of mosquitos arose out of the marshy
+borders of the river, and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, being
+doubtless attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the Swedish
+gormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which was
+as big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufficient to
+attract the mosquito from every part of the country. For some time the
+garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain; the mosquitos
+penetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor
+night; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with
+mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of his
+nose. Finally, the garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, and
+obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitos
+followed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of the
+country; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterward, and Jan
+Claudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead.
+
+Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, of which General Van
+Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of the
+Nieuw-Nederlands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the
+miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg,
+it fell to ruin, but the story of its strange destruction was perpetuated
+by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle.[47]
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [47] Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this
+        miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N.Y. Hist. Col., new
+        series, vol. i., p. 412.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms
+largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been
+rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a
+Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal, as
+crafty as he was rapacious, so that there is very little doubt that, had
+he lived some four or five centuries since, he would have figured as one
+of those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautiful
+princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and
+locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen,
+or any other convenience. In consequence of which enormities they fell
+under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant
+knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they
+might happen to find above six feet high; which is doubtless one reason
+why the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter
+ages are so exceedingly small.
+
+Governor Risingh, not withstanding his giantly condition, was, as I have
+hinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of General
+Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On the
+contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir,
+displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The
+salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been
+dismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been napping at his
+post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by
+discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade.
+Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the
+fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be
+marvelously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them so
+many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land with a
+military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilderness.
+
+And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to
+receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing
+appearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to
+the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty,
+by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in a
+little man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirts
+scarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of the
+sleeves; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair
+of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head,
+and decorated with a bunch of cocks' tails; a third had a pair of rusty
+gaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-legged
+fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which
+he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. The
+rest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamuffins without
+shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them; wherefore
+they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that they
+might not disgrace the fortress.
+
+His men being thus gallantly arrayed--those who lacked muskets
+shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in
+his shirttail and pull up his brogues--General Van Poffenburgh first took
+a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More, of
+More Hall,[48] was his invariable practice on all great occasions; this
+done, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his castle like
+a mighty giant just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met,
+then began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. The
+shrewd Risingh, who had grown grey much before his time, in consequence
+of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van
+Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies.
+
+Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other, they
+carried arms and they presented arms, they gave the standing salute and
+the passing salute, they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes,
+and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to the
+right, and they faced to the right about; they wheeled forward, and they
+wheeled backward, and they wheeled into echelon; they marched and they
+countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by
+subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, in
+slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the
+evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of
+Dundas; having exhausted all that they could recollect or image of
+military tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the
+like of which were never seen before or since, excepting among certain of
+our newly-raised militia, the two commanders and their respective troops
+came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war.
+Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatric
+heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other
+heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged,
+heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.
+
+These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgh
+escorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort,
+attended him throughout the fortifications, showed him the horn-works,
+crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places
+where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he
+pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of "great capability,"
+and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a
+formidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole
+garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and concluded by
+ordering the three Bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole,
+brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of his
+visitors, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian.
+
+The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with
+the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
+incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty
+followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperously
+in their sleeves.
+
+The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned
+to the table; for, among his other great qualities, the general was
+remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign
+would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole
+course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless
+victories do still remain on record, and the whole province was once
+thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was
+stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back
+him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly
+annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand
+cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty
+kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five
+pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron,
+besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff: an
+achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his
+all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let Van
+Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little
+while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.
+
+No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit of
+Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and
+privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans to rob
+all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigstyes under
+contribution: a service which they discharged with such zeal and
+promptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their
+spoils.
+
+I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van
+Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet: it was a sight
+worth beholding: there he sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by his
+soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues
+he did most ably imitate, telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth
+adventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his auditors knew
+them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they cast
+up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment.
+Nor could the general pronounce anything that bore the remotest
+resemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist
+upon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in the
+chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it was
+the best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and
+hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh
+ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and his
+whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain,
+dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic
+toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in
+Chancery.
+
+No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, who
+had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them
+neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all its
+dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at
+the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be
+made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications in
+order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schute, otherwise
+called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command,
+and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its
+puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore
+no little resemblance to a "deboshed fish," or bloated sea-monster, caught
+upon dry land.
+
+The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of
+intelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted in
+his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter
+Stuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as did
+whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the
+Turks.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [48]
+              "As soon as he rose,
+          To make him strong and mighty,
+        He drank by the tale, six pots of ale,
+          And a quart of aqua vitæ."
+
+                    _Dragon of Wantley._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager
+sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine
+qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety
+to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting
+after secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly
+and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but
+whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded
+in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' end to find it out, and
+takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the
+world.
+
+It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to be
+prying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate
+chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthy
+congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen
+excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so
+baneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders--such a
+stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions; betraying
+them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by
+any but a female head.
+
+Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the
+cunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison he should for a
+long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the
+gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least
+expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of
+enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.
+
+This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the
+garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be
+self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about
+the world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the
+skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison and
+country village has one or more scapegoats of this kind, whose life is a
+kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord
+knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no
+other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of
+idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood
+in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and cast
+of countenance, but more especially by his propensities and habits. He was
+a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was generally
+equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. His
+hair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a little
+to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian
+mixture, are half civilized, half savage, and half devil--a third half
+being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar
+reasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky
+are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the settlers on the
+Mississippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence.
+
+The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as
+applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk.
+Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one--was an utter enemy to
+work, holding it in no manner of estimation--but lounging about the fort,
+depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could
+get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or
+two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors;
+which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled
+not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented.
+Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from
+the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time; skulking about the
+woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in
+ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catching
+fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable
+bird of the crane family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his crimes
+had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a
+bundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and
+would exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcase,
+he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that
+swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in
+the country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he would
+make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole
+neighborhood at his heels; like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in
+his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; and
+from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and
+from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have
+dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh.
+
+When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave
+Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to
+room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound whom nobody
+noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people,
+his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he
+overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his
+own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the
+perfect jack-of-both-sides--that is to say, he made a prize of everything
+that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked
+hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of
+Risingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels, just before
+the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison.
+
+Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he
+directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had
+formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of
+misfortune in business--that is to say, having been detected in the act of
+sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through
+swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a world
+of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a
+backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank
+as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled
+over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to Governor
+Stuyvesant, and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole
+course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair.
+
+On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his
+seat--dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the
+chimney--thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek--pulled
+up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was
+customary with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But, as
+I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing.
+His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump
+upstairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his armory, from whence he
+drew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the preceding
+chapter. In these portentous habiliment she arrayed himself, like Achilles
+in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence,
+knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth.
+Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor, and jerked down
+his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended;
+but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as
+his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron
+visage; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five
+long weeks; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon
+be warm work in the province!
+
+Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his
+very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put
+himself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Van Corlear hither and
+thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked
+lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to
+assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters,
+according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle,
+shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and
+stumping up and downstairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant
+motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times,
+the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper
+hooping a flour-barrel.
+
+A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not
+to be trifled with; the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber,
+seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their long
+pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his excellency and his
+regimentals; being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered,
+nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with a
+lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his
+sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner,
+addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue.
+
+I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides,
+Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told,
+with the speeches of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the most
+accurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled wonderfully
+to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains
+of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly
+pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold,
+however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his
+rugged subject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of
+phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to
+shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in
+very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his
+determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these
+costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this
+hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usual
+signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the
+middle of the harangue (their "usual custom in the afternoon"), they made
+not the least objection.
+
+And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and
+preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither,
+calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of
+the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day,
+and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for I
+would have you note that you warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of
+conquerors are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are
+equal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the halberds or the
+whipping-post, for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die whether they
+shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall,
+at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen.
+
+But, not withstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of
+honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of
+New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that
+home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great
+Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war, and sweet revenge,
+determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily
+citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up
+among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky,
+delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous
+expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty
+squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly
+victualed; which being performed, he attended public service at the great
+church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and then leaving
+peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes
+marshaled out and appointed against his return, departed upon his
+recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of
+nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific
+warmth, when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless
+Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the
+fair island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked was
+sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which
+fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the
+stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight,
+after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with
+periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers
+the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the
+matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer,
+unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and
+discolorers of canvas.
+
+Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the
+Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom
+of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean,
+seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the
+illustrious burden it sustained.
+
+But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the
+contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this
+degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this
+mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark
+forest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sail
+of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here
+and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the
+mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent
+atmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage
+children, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as
+faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure
+vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice,
+the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it
+passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away
+into the thickets of the forest.
+
+Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now
+did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which sprang up
+like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were
+fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty
+spirit of Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes
+of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan
+Bay, whose wide extended shores present a variety of delectable scenery;
+here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into
+the bay; there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich
+luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, while at a distance,
+a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the
+water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening
+among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection
+into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural
+paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties; the velvet-tufted
+lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh
+and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village,
+or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter.
+
+The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning
+magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial
+sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills,
+and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while along the
+borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight
+caitiffs, disturbed at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in
+sullen reluctance upon the mountains. As such times all was brightness,
+and life, and gayety; the atmosphere was of an indescribable pureness and
+transparency; the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the
+freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the
+sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the
+earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and
+magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; the
+seamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that
+involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the
+rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled
+mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens; excepting that now
+and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted
+savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering ray
+of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains.
+
+But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did
+the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy
+heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are
+inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just
+served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery.
+The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern, in the broad
+masses of shade, the separating line between the land and water, or to
+distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the
+busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious
+craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks
+frowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers, and high
+embattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and
+the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand
+shadowy beings.
+
+Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of
+insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert;
+while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will,
+who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his
+incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened
+with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely
+echoed from the shore--now and then startled, perchance, by the whoop of
+some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth
+upon his nightly prowlings.
+
+Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those
+awful defiles denominated the Highlands, where it would seem that the
+gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up
+cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But
+in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capped mountains.
+These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes,
+formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho
+confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in
+adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous
+rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, in
+its career toward the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its
+tide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins.
+
+Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these it
+is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound
+throughout these awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angry
+clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when
+the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the
+thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled
+spirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their hideous uproar; for
+at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning
+once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable
+captivity.
+
+But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant
+Stuyvesant; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud
+anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble
+their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the
+helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or
+to come; those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking under
+the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who,
+seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history of
+those myriads of fireflies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the
+dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race
+of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before
+the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called
+brimstones; and who, for their innumerable sins against the children of
+men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to
+infest the earth in the shade of these threatening and terrible little
+bugs; enduring the internal torments of that fire, which they formerly
+carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are
+sentenced to bear about for ever--in their tails!
+
+And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will
+hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a
+word in this whole history--for nothing which it contains is more true. It
+must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very
+lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of
+Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious
+stones, the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus
+grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened,
+that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his
+burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley,
+contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the
+illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendor from behind a high bluff of
+the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the
+refulgent nose of the sounder of brass; the reflection of which shot
+straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty
+sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster being with
+infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the
+crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound,
+where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was the
+first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in those parts by Christian
+people.[49]
+
+When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant,
+and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed,
+marveled exceedingly: and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of
+Antony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it has
+continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time.
+
+But hold, whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany
+the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; for
+never was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a river
+so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally
+recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew
+were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by a
+gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock,
+which projected into the river, and which is called the Duyvel's
+Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes
+thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring.
+
+Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these
+fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the
+charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy
+childhood--recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments
+which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless Time!
+shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before
+thee?--hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run
+ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes.
+
+Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal
+crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt,
+will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great
+city of New Amsterdam.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [49] The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about
+        Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the
+        settlement thereof, says, "There is in the river great plenty of
+        sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians
+        eat them greedily."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the
+shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch
+settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors
+was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable
+fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly
+particular; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host
+that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present
+denominated the Bowling Green.
+
+In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the
+manhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the
+lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;
+they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being
+the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the
+amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.[50]
+
+On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer,
+Michael Paw[51], who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia,
+and the lands away south, even unto the Navesink Mountains,[52] and was,
+moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty
+squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a
+sea-green field, being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis,
+Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily
+armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, and
+overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their
+hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of
+Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled to
+have sprung from oysters.
+
+At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the
+neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams and the
+Van Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken; they were
+terrible looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that
+curious colored cloth called thunder and lightning, and bore as a standard
+three devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field.
+
+Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the
+Waale-Boght[53] and the country thereabouts; these were of a sour aspect,
+by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were
+the first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood, called
+Flymarket shirks; and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the
+far-famed step in dancing, called "double trouble." They were commanded by
+the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, a jolly band of
+Breuckelen[54] ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells.
+
+But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to
+describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and
+sundry other places, well known in history and song--for now do the notes
+of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar from
+beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while
+relieved; for, lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognized
+the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter
+Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at the
+head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the
+Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces,
+as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the
+head of Wall Street.
+
+First of all came the Van Brummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of
+the Bronx: these were short fat men, wearing exceeding large
+trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher; they were the
+first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched
+the Van Vlotens, or Kaats-kill, horrible quavers of new cider, and arrant
+braggarts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus,
+dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus
+breed; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the
+word Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'
+nests, as their name denotes; to these, if report may be believed, are we
+indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van
+Higginbottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferrules and
+birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the
+marvelous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect.
+Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair
+round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their
+canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson and
+thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats: such as robbing
+water-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and
+by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails; these were the ancestors of
+the renowned congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing,
+great choristers and players upon the jewsharp; these marched two and two,
+singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens of Sleepy
+Hollow; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first
+discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint
+bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the
+Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for
+their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of
+Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the left
+foot; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons by
+moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and
+noted for running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns; they
+were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the
+Knickerbockers, of the great town of Schaghtikoke, where the folk lay
+stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away.
+These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, a
+goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but,
+in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken, books; plainly
+meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books; from them did
+descend the writer of this history.
+
+Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand
+gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of many
+more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten
+to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial
+pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of
+warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his
+much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir.
+
+But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will be
+found in the sequel of this faithful history, let us pause to notice the
+fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the
+armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of
+human nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable
+discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set
+afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality
+a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that he had long
+been in the practice of privately communicating with the Swedes; together
+with divers hints about "secret service money." To all which deadly
+charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve.
+
+Certain it is that the general vindicated his character by the most
+vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
+honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
+Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers
+at his heels--sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and
+who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice--heroes of
+his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking
+swaggerers--not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox,
+and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all his
+quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man
+that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him
+alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns,
+and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering
+execration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery.
+
+All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
+certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, of
+unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he was
+continually protesting on the honor of a soldier--a marvelously
+high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so
+far as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue of
+plaster of Paris.
+
+But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending
+privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard
+all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations,
+and ejaculations--"Harkee, comrade," cried he, "though by your own
+account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole
+province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced,
+and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a
+man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally
+innocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless for
+some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your
+innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I
+cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise,
+nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust.
+Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public
+life, with this comforting reflection--that if guilty, you are but
+enjoying your just reward--and if innocent, you are not the first great
+and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this
+wicked world--doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where
+there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime,
+let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the
+countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself."
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [50] This was likewise a great seal of the New Netherlands, as
+        may still be seen in ancient records.
+
+   [51] Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found
+        mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript,
+        which says, "De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch
+        subject, about 10th Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island.
+        N.B.--The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch call a colonie at
+        Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York: and his
+        overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the
+        same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at
+        Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst."
+
+   [52] So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited
+        these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the
+        Neversink, or Neversunk, mountains.
+
+   [53] Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the
+        navy-yard is situated.
+
+   [54] Now spelt Brooklyn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a
+confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into it
+is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all
+differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end
+of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I
+have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I
+warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son of
+a Dutchman; for I scarcely ever gave them a civil word, nor so much as
+touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged
+along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax,
+to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse,
+until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of
+regard for them. This is just my way--I am always a little cold and
+reserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care for
+and am only to be completely won by long intimacy.
+
+Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do
+acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were
+merely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the title
+page walked off without saying a word; while others lingered yawningly
+through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity,
+soon dropped off one by one, but more especially to try their mettle, I
+had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was used
+by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who, before he admitted
+any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself
+superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps,
+slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a
+word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did
+I cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty
+chapters, where they were most woefully belabored and buffeted by a host
+of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave
+man, yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter
+confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead
+(asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the
+first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they
+had fairly run it out of sight; when they stopped to take breath, to tell
+their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others
+from venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks
+more and more; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a
+comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered
+condition, through the five introductory chapters.
+
+What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted
+recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No--no; I reserved my
+friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me
+company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to
+those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand.
+Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades! who have
+faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings--I salute you
+from my heart--I pledge myself to stand by you to the last; and to conduct
+you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my
+fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking.
+
+But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a
+bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking
+their tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin to
+resound with portentous clangour--the drums beat--the standards of the
+Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw wave proudly in the air. And
+now behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of
+yon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops which are to waft the
+army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!
+
+The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to
+behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous
+to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, many a
+fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The
+grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada could not have
+been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of
+Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam
+on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick maiden fondly
+crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts; many a
+copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of
+eternal constancy: and there remain extant to this day some love verses
+written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible to
+confound the whole universe.
+
+But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses how they hung about the
+doughty Antony Van Corlear; for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty
+bachelor, fond of his joke, and withall a desperate rogue among the women.
+Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away, for
+besides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add that he
+was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting
+disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands; and this made him
+to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing
+could keep the valiant Antony from following the heels of the old
+governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul: so embracing all the
+young vrouws, and giving every one of them, that had good teeth and rosy
+lips, a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes.
+
+Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of
+public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the
+follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had
+become strangely popular among the people. There is something so
+captivating in personal bravery that, with the common mass of mankind, it
+takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdam
+looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that
+trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and
+admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell
+about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children
+of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and
+exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of
+old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, Old Put) during our
+glorious revolution.
+
+Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for
+Beelzebub himself; and there was even a story told, with great mystery,
+and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one
+dark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate; but this
+I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let
+fall a drop to discolor the pure stream of history!
+
+Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered Peter
+Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public
+welfare was secure, so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising,
+then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy
+hearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the
+riverside to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner gave a
+short but truly patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he
+recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects--to go to
+church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week
+besides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their
+husbands--looking after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing all
+gossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short tongues and long
+petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public
+concerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed to
+support them--staying at home, like good citizens, making money for
+themselves, and getting children for the benefit of the country. That the
+burgomasters should look well to the public interest--not oppressing the
+poor nor indulging the rich--not tasking their ingenuity to devise new
+laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made--rather
+bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it; ever
+recollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as
+guardians of public morals than ratcatchers, employed to entrap public
+delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich
+and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them that
+if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule,
+there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well
+enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthony
+sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a
+shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down the
+bay.
+
+The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery--that blest
+resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a
+fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel,
+after the lessening barque, bearing her adventurous swain to distant
+climes! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant
+squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land
+at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent
+tongues and downcast countenances.
+
+A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city; the honest burghers smoked
+their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to the
+weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old women, having
+no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their
+children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sun
+down.
+
+In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on
+its voyage, and after encountering about as many storms, and waterspouts,
+and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally befall
+adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind; and after undergoing
+a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady, called
+sea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware.
+
+Without so much as dropping anchor, and giving his wearied ships time to
+breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued
+his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort
+Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from
+the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of
+thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte,
+the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by
+reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a
+broken bellows--"that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except
+that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to
+maintain his post to the last extremity." He requested time, therefore, to
+consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose.
+
+The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously
+taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed
+armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred
+fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten
+minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run
+the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled
+shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty
+sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that
+doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened
+terror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men to
+bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three
+muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two braces of horse-pistols.
+
+In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshaled all his forces, and
+commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very
+Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet--the lusty
+choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle--the
+warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astounding
+blast on their conch shells, altogether forming as outrageous a concerto
+as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a
+modern overture.
+
+Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the
+garrison with sore dismay--or whether the concluding terms of the summons,
+which mentioned that he should surrender "at discretion," were mistaken by
+Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered
+man, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say;
+certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand.
+Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone
+after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the
+rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of
+both parties; who, not withstanding their great stomach for fighting, had
+full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black
+eyes and bloody noses.
+
+Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of
+their High Mightinesses; Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were
+allowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter, who
+was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their
+arms and ammunition--the same on inspection being found totally unfit for
+service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before
+it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I must
+not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service
+of his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great
+fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the
+vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto
+this very day.
+
+The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedes
+occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam; nay, certain
+factious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings in
+the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their
+meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened by
+his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard
+in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no knowing
+whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and
+invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-stick
+to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of
+his counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after
+held their peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful
+of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold
+quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his
+projecting eyes rolled greedily round, devouring everything at table; so
+did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for martial glory,
+which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir,
+and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner,
+therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on,
+flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.[55]
+
+This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it
+is improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that crafty
+governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider in
+the citadel of his web.
+
+But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting
+of two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and
+hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into
+precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the
+general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged
+the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by
+animating harangues; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of
+the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the
+prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and
+enlist the passions of his readers; and having set them all on fire with
+the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head,
+flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight.
+
+An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of
+historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of
+the Peloponnesian War, one of his commentators observes that "he sounds
+that charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the
+allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our
+attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to
+be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is
+interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor
+with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out.
+Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states;
+and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great
+and noble method."
+
+In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril:
+having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions,
+surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at this
+important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter,
+I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are
+to follow.
+
+And here I would premise one great advantage, which, as historian, I
+possess over my reader; and this it is, that though I cannot save the life
+of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both
+which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present
+reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can
+now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient
+to fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything
+of the kind; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the
+field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon
+round the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered one
+another in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to
+make the most humble apology.
+
+I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out, "foul
+play!" whenever I render a little assistance to my hero; but I consider it
+one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which
+has never been disputed. An historian is in fact, as it were, bound in
+honor to stand by his hero--the fame of the latter is intrusted to his
+hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a
+general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving an account of
+any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I have no
+doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements,
+they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount.
+Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to
+do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen
+to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their
+descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take
+fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please.
+
+Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath long
+itched for a battle--siege after siege have I carried on without blows or
+bloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and
+St. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please,
+neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian did ever
+record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now
+about to engage.
+
+And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I
+could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy--trust the
+fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me; for by the rood, come what may,
+I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about these
+losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant
+Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight
+another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly
+Swedes pay for it.
+
+No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Forth Christina, than he
+proceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on running
+his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress
+to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked
+at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and
+onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were
+here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor
+Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man,
+and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a
+leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off
+with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of
+foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the
+Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself
+with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to
+make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the
+grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the
+grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his most
+hard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder,
+with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the
+glass.
+
+This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and
+demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few
+words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his
+excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a
+recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding
+with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turned
+aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous
+blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it had
+doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that
+melodious instrument.
+
+Governor Risingh heard him through trumpet and all, but with infinite
+impatience; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of
+his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping
+his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter
+Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d----, whither he hoped to send
+him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing his
+brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, "'Fore gad," quoth he,
+"but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scabbard of the
+smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a
+fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his
+messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal, with all the
+ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador, of so
+great a commander; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed
+with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message.
+
+No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he let
+fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly
+have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder magazine
+about the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been remarkably
+strong, and the magazine bomb proof. Perceiving that the works withstood
+this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible, as it really was
+in those unphilosophic days, to carry on a war with words, he ordered his
+merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange
+murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van
+Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to
+man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For
+once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale; for he
+verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous
+trial, and thus to tarnish forever the fame of the province of New
+Netherlands.
+
+But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he
+deeply wronged this most undaunted army; for the cause of this agitation
+and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it
+would almost have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to
+have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it
+was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full
+stomach, and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that
+they came to be so renowned in arms.
+
+And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty
+comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the
+contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their
+canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be the
+last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise
+my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to
+a close; giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken of
+this armistice to surprise, or in anywise molest the honest Nederlanders
+while at their vigorous repast.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [55] At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or
+        Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the
+        post road to Baltimore.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+"Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast," and finding themselves
+wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field.
+Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation now
+stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still,
+that it might witness the affray, like a round-bellied alderman watching
+the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all
+mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Cristina. The sun,
+like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the
+heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep
+between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The
+historians filled their inkhorns; the poets went without their dinners,
+either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could
+not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave to see
+itself outdone; while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy
+of retrospection on the eventful field.
+
+The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the "affair" of Troy,
+now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or
+mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a
+finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith
+to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her
+chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull
+paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a
+sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully Mars stuck two
+horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly
+swaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged in
+their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune.
+
+On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes
+over night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her
+haughty beauties on a baggage wagon; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler,
+tacked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in
+exceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language), by way of
+keeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while Vulcan halted as a
+club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All
+was silent awe or bustling preparation, war reared his horrid front,
+gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling
+bayonets.
+
+And now the mighty chieftains marshaled out their hosts. Here stood stout
+Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, incrusted with stockades and in
+trenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the
+breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and
+his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the
+ramparts like a grisly death's head.
+
+There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists
+clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire
+that raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudged
+valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and
+yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes.
+Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the
+Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van Nesses, the Van
+Tassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van
+Blarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams; the Van Pelts, the
+Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks,
+the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van
+Bummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander
+Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles; there came the Hoffmans,
+the Hooglands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the
+Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks,
+the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the
+Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the
+Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten
+Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose
+names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would
+be impossible for man to utter--all fortified with a mighty dinner, and,
+to use the words of a great Dutch poet,
+
+    "Brimful of wrath and cabbage."
+
+For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and
+mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting
+them to fight like _duyvels_, and assuring them that if they conquered,
+they should get plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed the
+satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of
+their country; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed
+in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other
+great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore
+to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it
+for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or
+playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it
+like a snake in spring time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he
+brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a
+charge, and shouting the words, "St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes!"
+courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the
+interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths,
+gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke.
+
+The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until
+they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in
+horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended
+the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that the
+very hills quaked around, and were terrified even into an incontinence of
+water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which
+continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have
+bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minerva
+kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual
+custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads at the moment
+of discharge.
+
+The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling
+tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen
+prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff like the giant Blanderon
+his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a
+horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the
+Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore,
+and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so
+justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of
+Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great song
+of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on a
+marauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches.
+
+In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Anthony's Nose,
+struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in
+a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So
+also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with
+the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of
+the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout
+but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the
+Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I
+omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a
+good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish
+drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would
+infallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that he had come into the
+battle with no other weapon but his trumpet.
+
+But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and
+the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts of
+Esopus, together with the Van Riepers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all
+before them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with
+many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in
+their thunder and lightning gaberdines; and, lastly, the standard-bearers
+and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the
+Manhattoes.
+
+And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening
+ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment of
+war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The
+heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;
+whack! went the broad-swords! thump! went the cudgels; crash! went the
+musket-strocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody
+noses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack,
+helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and
+tumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and splutter!
+cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the
+mine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trumpet of Antony
+Van Corlear, until all voice and sound became unintelligible; grunts of
+pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor.
+The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast,
+and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits; and
+even Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in
+breathless terror!
+
+Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by
+the "cloud-compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth
+a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but
+pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at
+this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling
+toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in
+mute astonishment until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the
+flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant
+chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed
+Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who
+had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These
+now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor,
+so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marching
+exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt.
+
+And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders,
+having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavern
+to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had
+well-night ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the
+front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh,
+levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this
+assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous
+warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants, broke through
+the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the
+surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw
+was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sterned
+fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear, and applying their feet _a
+parte poste_ of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that
+prodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the renowned Michael Paw
+himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of
+shoe leather.
+
+But what, O Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw
+his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar,
+enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new
+courage at the sound; or rather, they rallied at the voice of their
+leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in
+Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword
+in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements
+worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank
+before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs,
+into the own ditch; but, as he pushed forward singly with headlong
+courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow
+full at his heart; but the protecting power which watches over the great
+and the good turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a side
+pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the
+shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing the
+portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an
+angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurable
+queue, "Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, "here's what shall make
+worms' meat of thee!" So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow
+that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck
+short, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At this moment an
+arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim;
+but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter,
+seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows,
+who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming
+from the touch-hole.
+
+Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the field from
+the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and
+kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering a
+thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such
+thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he
+strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans.
+
+When the rival heroes came face to face, each made prodigious start, in
+the style of a veteran stage champion. Then did they regard each other for
+a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a
+clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then
+into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right
+side, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity.
+Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this
+direful encounter--an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of
+Ajax with Hector, of Aeneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of
+Warwick and Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen
+of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and
+holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his
+opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very
+chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly,
+that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he
+carried his liquor: thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a
+deep coat pocket, stored with bread and cheese which provant rolling among
+the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and
+Dutchmen, and made the general battle wax ten times more furious than
+ever.
+
+Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh,
+collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest.
+In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting
+steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the
+crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the
+brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet,
+shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage.
+
+The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes, beheld a
+thousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; at
+length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on
+his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and
+might have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushion
+softer than velvet, which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some
+kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception.
+
+The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true
+knights, that "fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the
+hero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant
+dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime
+of bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede
+staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol which
+lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let
+not my reader mistake; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder
+and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a
+double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear
+carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped
+from his wallet during his furious encounter with the drummer. The hideous
+weapon sang through the air, and true to its course, as was the fragment
+of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the
+gigantic Swede with matchless violence.
+
+This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of
+General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him; a
+death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with
+such violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have
+broken through the roof of his infernal palace.
+
+His fall was the signal of defeat and victory; the Swedes gave way, the
+Dutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly
+pursued. Some entered with them pell mell through the sallyport, others
+stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a
+little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, had
+stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss
+of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic
+ox-fly, sat perched on the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant; and it
+was declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his
+expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of
+glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle.
+Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a
+prodigious sweat and agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hot
+work! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give
+their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many
+horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughout
+this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single
+individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his
+queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all of which, he
+observes, as a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the
+interest of the narration.
+
+This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirely
+from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I
+have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of
+the object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been
+terrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of
+Christina, yet, not withstanding that I have consulted every history,
+manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten
+battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in
+the whole affair.
+
+This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers,
+who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their
+achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most
+embarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous and
+unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and
+blood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and
+slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a
+multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk
+them by a reprieve.
+
+Had the Fates allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been
+content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden
+time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct; any one of whom, if we
+may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies,
+like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single
+arm.
+
+But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left
+me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and
+cuffs, and bruises, and such-like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but
+compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who,
+having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each
+other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the
+end of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being mere
+spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any
+of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when
+I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst
+of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I to
+restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very
+waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so
+many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in the
+air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it
+should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman.
+
+The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a
+manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had
+to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded
+in history or song.
+
+From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity
+of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had once
+launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut
+down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting
+that he presented a fair mark; and that often a poor fellow was sent to
+grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a
+sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties:
+let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight
+harder than myself, but since the various records I consulted did not
+warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St.
+Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies,
+the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can
+discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright; and I
+should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than
+manslaughter!
+
+And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking
+our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this
+moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are
+all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this
+world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so
+many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander
+away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever
+reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into
+ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may
+wither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. "How
+many illustrious heroes," says the good Boetius, "who were once the pride
+and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal
+oblivion!" And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went to
+battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their
+achievements might be worthily recorded. Had not Homer turned his lofty
+lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained
+unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after
+all the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had nearly been the fate
+of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and
+engraved his name on the indellible tablet of history, just as the caitiff
+Time was silently brushing it away for ever!
+
+The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character of
+the historian. He is the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown or
+infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors on whom
+it depends whether they shall live in after ages, or be forgotten as were
+their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object of
+his tyranny exists; but the historian possesses superior might, for his
+power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and
+long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes,
+watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names
+with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the
+drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash
+upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings--that very drop, which to him
+is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable
+value to some departed worthy--may elevate half a score, in one moment, to
+immortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to
+ensure the glorious meed.
+
+Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vain-glorious
+boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On
+the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we
+historians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions and
+calamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I
+am a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so many
+illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their
+families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of
+fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kings
+desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what
+induces all great men, of all ages and countries, to commit so many
+victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon
+themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them
+into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in short,
+the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and privations, is
+nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame? Why, half a page of
+dirty paper! Alas, alas! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so
+great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little a
+man as Diedrich Knickerbocker!
+
+And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the
+field, it behoves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and
+inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of
+Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New
+Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the
+province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous
+deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in
+the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful and
+humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more
+galling by unmanly insults; for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, the
+renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to
+talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death, ordered no
+houses to be burnt down, permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on the
+property of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest officers a
+severe punishment with his walking-staff, for having been detected in the
+act of sacking a hen-roost.
+
+He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to
+the authority of their High Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampled
+clemency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public expense, in
+a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to
+wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms,
+about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of
+allegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain
+on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very
+day. I am told, however, by divers observant travelers, that they have
+never been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their ancestors; but
+that they still do strangely transmit, from father to son, manifest marks
+of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers.
+
+The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded to the arms of the
+triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed
+under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control
+of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary was
+called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-man, who derived his
+surname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his
+nose, which projected from the center of his countenance like the beak of
+a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of
+the most ancient and honorable families of the province; the members of
+which do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, nor as your
+noble families in England would do by having a glowing proboscis
+emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly
+nose stuck in the very middle of their faces.
+
+Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of
+only two men--Wolfet Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knocked
+overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van
+Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however,
+were immortalized as having bravely fallen in the service of their
+country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly
+fractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunately
+his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed.
+
+And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that
+this immaculate hero and his victorious army returned joyously to the
+Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with
+them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew who had
+refused allegiance; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only
+fallen into a swoon at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily
+restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose.
+
+These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the
+governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, being the
+prison of state of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of
+Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in
+the possession of his descendants.[56]
+
+It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New
+Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in
+the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave
+the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saving that he
+took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of
+vanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly
+entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle.
+
+The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchins
+who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads and
+sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war.
+As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant
+wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting,
+"Hardkoppig Piet forever!"
+
+It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was
+prepared at the stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were
+assembled, in one glorious constellation, the great and little luminaries
+of New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy,
+the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows, the
+subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on, down to the
+lowest hanger-on of police; every tag having his rag at his side, to
+finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of
+immortal dulness. In short--for a city feast is a city feast all over the
+world, and has been a city feast ever since the creation--the dinner went
+off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth of
+July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, oceans of
+liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with
+much obstreperous fat-sided laughter.
+
+I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory Peter Stuyvesant
+was indebted for another of his many titles, for so hugely delighted were
+the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored
+him with the name of Pieter de Groodt; that is to say, Peter the Great;
+or, as it was translated into English by the people of New Amsterdam, for
+the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig--an appellation
+which he maintained even unto the day of his death.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [56] This castle, though very much altered, and modernized, is
+        still in being and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing
+        Coentie's Slip.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK VII._
+
+CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG--HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH
+DYNASTY.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture
+of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn
+warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though
+returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was checked
+on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his
+short absence. His walking-staff which he had sent home to act as his
+vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council chamber in order; the
+counsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in grim repose upon the table,
+and smoking their pipes in silence; but its control extended not out of
+doors.
+
+The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack
+though fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the accession of
+Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs
+as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into
+stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing
+upon, the bit in restive silence.
+
+Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes,
+than the whole factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their
+heads above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to "discuss the
+state of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the
+self-dubbed "friends of the people," once more felt themselves inspired
+with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement
+of government.
+
+Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the province
+by his individual will, his first move on his return, was to put a stop to
+this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening, when an inspired
+cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter
+suddenly made his appearance with his ominous walking staff in his hand,
+and a countenance sufficient to petrify a millstone. The whole meeting was
+thrown into confusion--the orators stood aghast, with open mouth and
+trembling knees, while "Horror!" "Tyranny!" "Liberty!" "Rights!" "Taxes!"
+"Death!" "Destruction!" and a host of other patriotic phrases, were bolted
+forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the
+skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, and pulling
+out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a
+town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family
+curiosity, requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The orator
+humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted
+with the nature of its construction. "Nay, but," said Peter, "try your
+ingenuity, man; you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the
+clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and why should it not
+be equally easy to regulate as to stop it?" The orator declared that his
+trade was wholly different--that he was a poor cobbler, and had never
+meddled with a watch in his life--that there were men skilled in the art
+whose business it was to attend to those matters, but for his part he
+should only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion. "Why,
+harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him with a
+countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect
+lapstone, "dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government to
+regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the
+principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest
+operations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a
+trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which
+is open to thy inspection?--Hence with thee to the leather and stone,
+which are emblems of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to
+the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee; but," elevating his voice
+until it made the welkin ring, "if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe,
+meddling again with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll have
+every mother's bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for
+drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!"
+
+This threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused the
+whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his
+head like his own swine's bristles; and not a knight of the thimble
+present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have
+verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in
+silent consternation: the pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken to
+regulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues,
+and take care of their families; and party feuds died away to such a
+degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterly
+ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired
+effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up,
+yet did it tend to injure the popularity of the great Peter with the
+thinking part of the community; that is to say, that part which think for
+others instead of for themselves; or, in other words, who attend to
+everybody's business but their own. These accused the old governor of
+being highly aristocratical, and in truth there seems to have been some
+ground for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty,
+soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, appearing,
+when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the antique flaundish cut, and was
+especially noted for having his sound leg, which was a very comely one,
+always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe.
+
+Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on the
+"stoep" before the door, under the shade of a great button-wood tree, but
+all visits of form and state were received with something of court
+ceremony in the best parlor, where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high
+chamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage,
+and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels.
+
+These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much caviled
+at by the thinking, and talking, part of the community. They had been
+accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in
+particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the Testy,
+and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity and
+reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have
+pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old
+governor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a
+country should be governed by wise men; but then it is almost equally
+important that the people should think them wise; for this belief alone
+can produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirable
+confidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of
+them as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men that gives
+them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence for
+office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to
+suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains
+access to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is
+governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in everything
+else; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and
+are not so wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he may
+occasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence,
+confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such
+was the case, say they, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy
+of access, he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits with him, and
+to find out the true dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind;
+and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be
+a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by
+conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great
+reverence. As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the public
+gave him credit for very profound ones; every movement, however
+intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very red
+stockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings of
+other men.
+
+Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was, that he had a great leaning
+in favor of the patricians; and, indeed, in his time rose many of those
+mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched
+out so luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date,
+such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden
+Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of
+"Discoverers," from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from
+Communipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate
+and Buttermilk-channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam.
+
+Others claimed to themselves the appellation of Conquerors, from their
+gallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at
+Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated,
+beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and
+extending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the
+Schermerhorns; a roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the Conqueror,
+and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical Dutch
+family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of
+the soil; these are the real "beavers of the Manhattoes;" and much does it
+grieve me in modern days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders,
+and more especially by those ingenious people, "the Sons of the Pilgrims;"
+who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the exchange,
+out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, that the
+tallest Dutch family mansion has not wind enough left for its weathercock.
+
+In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutch
+aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in
+round-crowned flaunderish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly
+gaberdine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" and
+smoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain that
+the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes
+worrying about in dog day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one
+day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however,
+the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees
+sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the
+"Copper-heads;" while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity,
+and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like an
+empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious
+appellation of "Platter-breeches."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have it
+imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with a
+rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he
+abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling
+multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in
+righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to
+give thirteen loaves to the dozen--a golden rule which remains a monument
+of his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable austerity, he
+delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice; and for this
+purpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his reign there was a
+great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also
+flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on the
+eve of the blessed St. Nicholas.
+
+New Year's Day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by
+the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains
+of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with
+cherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider; every house was a temple
+to the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure
+economy, taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year
+afterwards.
+
+The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither
+repaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters,
+pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was
+devoutly observant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind for
+a happy new year; and it is traditional that Antony the trumpeter, who
+acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as
+they passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus happily
+introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low that on New Year's
+Day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was the most
+thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom.
+
+Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the
+distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the
+hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every
+part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by
+Antony the Trumpeter, and the effect was marvelous. Instead of those
+"indignation meetings" set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where
+men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the
+times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the
+two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted "quilting bees,"
+and "husking bees," and other rural assemblages, where, under the
+inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and
+followed up by the dance. "Raising bees" also were frequent, where houses
+sprang up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of Thebes
+sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion.
+
+Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those
+days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor came
+dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the
+land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlands were merry
+rather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of
+good humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from every
+hamlet along the Hudson!
+
+Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his
+favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired that
+potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly
+assemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on
+Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of
+the Battery; with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here
+would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the
+old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would
+he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war, in
+the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to
+those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously; and now
+and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who
+held out longest, and tired down every competitor--infallible proof of her
+being the best dancer.
+
+Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of
+interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of
+course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen
+petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran
+through the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, but
+the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had
+marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for
+the "poor thing," and even the governor himself appeared to be in some
+kind of perturbation.
+
+To complete the confusion of the good folk she undertook, in the course of
+a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing-master
+at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, some
+vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took
+place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great
+consternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, and
+the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized.
+
+The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion ever
+since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and though
+extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he
+immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce
+to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the
+gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than "shuffle and turn,"
+and "double trouble;" and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, any
+young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces."
+
+These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these
+were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that
+becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are
+invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shown, was a
+sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasion
+to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the young
+vrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter were pushed any further,
+there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether; whereupon the
+good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after
+suffered the women to wear their petticoats, and cut their capers as high
+as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the
+Manhattoes unto the present day.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable
+picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of peace.
+It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are
+again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not
+mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing
+chapters.
+
+It is with some communities, as it is with certain meddlesome
+individuals--they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and I
+have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the
+least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the
+excessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that this
+rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined; which
+accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men and
+ugly little women more especially.
+
+Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlands; which,
+by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies;
+has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in a
+fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woebegone
+little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and
+sublimity to this pathetic history.
+
+The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused
+by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen.
+Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field, at
+the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg seeking to annex the whole of
+the Catskill mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of these
+mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the venerable
+Dutch settlements of Esopus.
+
+Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter
+Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all
+Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has
+recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg
+commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time
+afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and
+which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence.
+
+The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy
+Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than
+enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race
+of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of
+whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellent
+history:----
+
+"The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior,
+and attire--their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their
+tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long; carved at the great end
+with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of
+a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of a
+yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable."[57]
+
+These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind
+of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land;
+but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony
+of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland; so called because
+the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were
+prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They
+were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and
+jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to
+be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail,
+stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical
+merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks.
+
+This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, a British nobleman, was
+managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall,
+that is to say, "offend all," a name given him for his bullying
+propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening
+him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the
+rightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of
+Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his
+Nederlanders out of the country.
+
+The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard, when
+he received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering
+menaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors of the
+Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to
+hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the
+whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as
+such, and he was but a little one.
+
+Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River, and enacting
+scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity
+of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the
+Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to Mynheer
+Beekman to keep up a bold front and a stout heart, promising, as soon as
+he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with
+his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and
+mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [57] Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the
+crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaigns
+on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill
+Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually
+active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw
+Nederlands.
+
+Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings
+along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into
+the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into
+the land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, their
+men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle
+themselves down in the land and possess it; so these chosen people of
+modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style,
+conducting carts and waggons laden with household furniture, with women
+and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the
+tail of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided
+varlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, resolutely
+bent upon "locating" themselves, as they termed it, and improving the
+country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they
+were guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but it was notorious that,
+wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen gradually disappeared,
+retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men; being in some way
+or other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain
+English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which
+our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by
+which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions.
+
+He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt
+to be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw
+diplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to
+repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the
+sword in one hand and the olive-branch in the other, and giving them
+their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war.
+
+His privy council were astonished and dismayed when he announced his
+determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the
+rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and
+barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty
+weathercock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the
+iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described by
+Aristotle, and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily
+believed he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor
+called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical
+temperament.
+
+Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van
+Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him
+the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise.
+
+Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, yet
+by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow
+(having never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund,
+gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed
+to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter
+Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir.
+
+Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this
+command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted
+old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty--and he moreover
+still remembered the frolicing, and dancing, and bundling, and other
+disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of
+numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to
+encounter.
+
+Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant
+but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever
+recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture
+openly among a whole nation of foes--but, above all, for a plain,
+downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New
+England!--never was there known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since I
+have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto
+uncelebrated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and
+anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh, for
+a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose
+on it as on a feather-bed!
+
+Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee
+from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the
+powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough that I have followed
+thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid
+battle of Fort Christina? That I have been put incessantly to my trumps to
+keep them safe and sound--now warding off with my single pen the shower of
+dastard blows that fell upon thy rear--now narrowly shielding thee from a
+deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box--now casing thy dauntless skull with
+adamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword of
+the stout Risingh--and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but
+triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate
+means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thou
+still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong
+enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian?
+
+And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside the
+sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly
+red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of
+Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed
+steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a
+loitering coachman, half-an-hour behind his time. And now behold that imp
+of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned,
+switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing
+on his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such
+fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware.
+
+Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a
+broken-winded, walleyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low
+the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm; and his trumpet displayed
+vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which
+is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing
+out of the city gate, like an iron clad hero of yore, with his faithful
+squire at his heels; the populace following with their eyes, and shouting
+many a parting wish and hearty cheering, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet!
+Farewell, honest Antony! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous your
+return!--the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest
+trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather!
+
+Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers
+in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the
+occasion by Dominie Ægidius Luyck,[58] who appears to have been the poet
+laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it
+was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower
+hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of Nature,
+as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael; which in
+those days was a sweet and rural valley, beautiful with many a bright
+wild flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and
+there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping
+hill, and almost buried in embowering trees.
+
+Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they
+encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were
+assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted
+on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them
+exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter,
+whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place,
+hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and
+mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five
+shillings for traveling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to
+a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees; but these the
+valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they
+bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their
+cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he
+escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag; who, with undaunted
+perseverance and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly
+switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered
+Narraganset pacer.
+
+But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along
+the course of the soft flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the
+song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain; now reflecting the
+lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the
+humble hamlet; now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the
+cheerful song of the peasant.
+
+At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio,
+order the sturdy Antony to sound a courteous salutation; though the
+manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay
+when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incomparable
+achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and
+they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold
+transgressions.
+
+But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving
+his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verily
+believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into
+their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which
+ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor
+of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to
+compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous
+furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed,
+so much does prowess in arms delight the gentler sex. The little children,
+too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his
+brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I
+omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding
+the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his
+trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The
+kind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all
+with infinite loving kindness, and was right pleased to see a crew of
+little trumpeters crowding round him for his blessing, each of whom he
+patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy
+molasses candy.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [58] This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in
+        Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to Ægidius
+        Luyck in D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with
+        Judith Isendoorn. (Old MSS.)
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant,
+followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through
+the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved
+province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British
+Cabinet.
+
+This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret
+instigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselves
+totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the
+Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British
+Government, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and delights of
+this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be
+sent out to invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land.
+
+These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion
+was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are assured
+by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astounding
+victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout
+Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the
+jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This
+jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore,
+who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted
+to him by the British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights.
+Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or
+Lond Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the
+kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British
+territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the
+Nederlanders.
+
+The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on
+the part of his Majesty Charles the Second for the safety and well-being
+of his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the
+New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a
+continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British Crown by
+the pilgrims when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British
+oppression. All this goodly land thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he
+presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother the Duke of York, a
+donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give
+away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be
+merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway
+despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put
+his brother in complete possession of the premises.
+
+Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While
+the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in somber security, and the
+privy councillors are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter the
+Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country, in the
+confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council
+to terms, a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the
+Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing
+Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial.
+
+But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that in all warlike conflicts
+and doubtful perplexities he will every acquit himself like a gallant,
+noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge! Shine
+out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes; and the
+blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness
+is seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity, therefore, has been
+wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can
+never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace.
+In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an individual
+(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and
+misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur; and even when sinking
+under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than
+ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity.
+
+The vast Empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and
+concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of
+drowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the
+subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented
+nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and
+Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their
+contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano.
+The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years'
+distress and final conflagration. Paris rose in importance by the plots
+and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even the
+mighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for
+nothing of moment excepting the Plague, the Great Fire, and Guy Faux's
+Gunpowder Plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in silent
+obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch,
+as it were, immortality from the explosion.
+
+The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that
+the city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high road
+to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is
+really a matter of astonishment how so small a State has been able in so
+short a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the
+province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the
+tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing in
+historic importance: and never could it have had a more appropriate
+chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daring
+progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached
+Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which
+was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van
+Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little
+in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great mind, he
+placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his
+left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and,
+with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode
+into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet
+before him in a manner to electrify the whole community.
+
+
+Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such a
+hurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads out
+of windows; such gathering of knots in market-places Peter Stuyvesant was
+a straightforward man, and prone to do everything above board. He would
+have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a
+parley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to deal
+with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent
+forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style
+befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply all
+kinds of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other courteous
+impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal
+to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein he
+was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long sufferings, and
+achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even said he was treated to
+a sight of Plymouth Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire.
+
+I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which
+time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite
+annoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling
+on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them
+to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic
+negotiations; a great deal was said and very little done; one conversation
+led to another; one conference begot misunderstandings which it took a
+dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found
+themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to
+an agreement.
+
+In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered the brain and
+incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the
+dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact
+that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by
+sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him
+with subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by land!
+
+Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himself
+thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil! Now did he draw his
+trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the
+Amphictyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he
+resolve to fight his way throughout all the regions of the east, and to
+lay waste Connecticut river.
+
+Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on
+this ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no
+other councillor than thine own head; no other armour but an honest
+tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but
+St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter--did I not tremble
+when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers
+of New England?
+
+It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van
+Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the
+spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, and
+prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston.
+With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the
+present; to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations;
+and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the
+salvation of the Manhattoes.
+
+The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; he
+forthwith dispatched a secret message to his councillors at New Amsterdam,
+apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a
+posture of defense, promising to come as soon as possible to their
+assistance. This done, he felt marvelously relieved, rose slowly, shook
+himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same
+manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle,
+in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress.
+
+And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this
+imminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going
+on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a
+turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thing
+with heart and soul he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and
+sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those
+things in person which in modern days are trusted to generals and
+ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an
+uproar--all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect which
+induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the
+renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community
+where every individual has a voice in public affairs; where every
+individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation; and where every
+individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his
+country--I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than
+such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues--such
+patriotic bawling--such running hither and thither--everybody in a
+hurry--everybody in trouble--everybody in the way, and everybody
+interrupting his neighbor--who is busily employed in doing nothing! It is
+like witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog--some
+dragging about empty engines, others scampering with full buckets, and
+spilling the contents into their neighbors' boots, and others ringing the
+church bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen,
+like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down
+scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing the
+attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the
+unfortunate, catches up some article of no value, and gallants it off with
+an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money;
+there another throws looking-glasses and china out of the window, to save
+them from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down
+the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of "Fire! fire! fire!"
+
+"When the news arrived at Sinope," says Lucian--though I own the story is
+rather trite-"that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants were
+thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms; others
+rolled stones to build up the walls; everybody, in short, was employed,
+and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find
+nothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country
+was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with
+might and main up and down the Gymnasium." In like manner did every
+mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the
+missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things
+in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. "Every man," said the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, "flew to arms!" by which is meant that not one of
+our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an
+old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch
+fowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night without a
+lantern, nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest he
+should come unawares upon a British army; and we are informed that Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as
+the governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in his
+entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back.
+
+But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one
+which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popular
+meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, were
+extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment of
+unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress
+them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the
+orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and
+exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions
+to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was
+resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most
+formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth.
+This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately
+proposed--whether it were not possible and politic to exterminate Great
+Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only
+one arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punishment for his treasonable
+presumption, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered,
+which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards
+considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing.
+The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it
+was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was
+accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were
+wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous.
+Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, the
+old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and
+their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, the community
+began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low
+Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most woefully
+beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it
+was proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon the
+will of the New Amsterdammers.
+
+Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a
+multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased all
+the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge
+bonfire, and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present who
+had a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw it
+into the flames, to the irreparable detriment, loss and ruin of the
+English manufacturers! In commemoration of this great exploit they erected
+a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain, under the
+similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the
+globe; but either through the unskillfulness of the sculptor, or his
+ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly
+striving to get hold of a dumpling.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of
+that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that not
+withstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the
+city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before.
+The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this; and, having
+received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of
+defense, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to
+assist them with their wisdom. These were of that order of citizens
+commonly termed "men of the greatest weight in the community;" their
+weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their
+purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang
+like a millstone round the neck of the community.
+
+Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
+first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second,
+that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; which
+points being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboring
+one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was
+this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in
+this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of
+wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused,
+as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd.
+Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of
+measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered
+the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent
+invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch
+critic who judged of books by their size.
+
+This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
+customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by
+certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
+barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarly
+noted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair of
+the least importance without previous debates and harangues among their
+chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing
+their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing
+them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they
+possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent of
+holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body
+was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they
+considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his
+duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them,
+required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood
+it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every
+soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty
+mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this
+assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom,
+the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words.
+
+We are told that disciples on entering the school of Pythagoras were for
+two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions or make
+remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their
+tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to
+communicate their own opinions.
+
+With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be
+introduced in modern legislative bodies--and how wonderfully would it have
+tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes.
+
+At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, the stumbling block of
+William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the
+cheapest plan of defense was insisted upon as the best; it being deemed a
+great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economise in ball.
+
+Thus old Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously
+personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting the
+venerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the old
+factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by
+the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor.
+Whatever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of
+Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect
+the downfall of their rivals, their second to elevate themselves, and
+their third to consult the public good; though many left the third
+consideration out of question altogether.
+
+In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of
+projects that were struck out; projects which threw the windmill system of
+William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost
+uniformly opposed by the "men of the greatest weight in the community;"
+your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at
+"negativing." Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers,
+who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of
+defence proposed. These were that class of "conservatives" who, having
+amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it
+were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling
+beatitude of conscious wealth; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed
+a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its
+life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to
+these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion
+of locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armament
+was to throw their money into the sea; to build fortifications was to bury
+it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as
+their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left
+no scar; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all
+maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the
+patient.
+
+Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away their time, which
+the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and
+long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with
+which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay
+was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their distracted
+situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in
+the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of
+fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in
+consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was
+happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed them
+that a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling,
+eyeing one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in each
+other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly
+put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, so
+was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and
+totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled
+home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with
+corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the
+street-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without venturing to
+peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball.
+
+The sovereign people crowded into the marketplace, herding together with
+the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when the
+shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold.
+Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's
+terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search of
+encouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments a confirmation
+of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great
+Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy--while the
+old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their
+fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter! and how
+did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed a
+gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day
+after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without
+bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was
+hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not
+been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? Had they
+not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons? Had they
+not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? In the midst
+of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty
+nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New
+Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant
+sound of a trumpet;--it approached--it grew louder and louder--and now it
+resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the
+well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant
+Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came
+galloping into the marketplace.
+
+The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round
+the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings and
+congratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them the marvelous
+adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making
+their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where anything
+touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the
+incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will
+not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say,
+that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he
+could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships
+sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports
+to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its
+promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter,
+perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate
+decampment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn
+his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth escapes and divers
+perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scourged, without sound of
+trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country in
+an uproar with hostile preparation, and they were obliged to take a large
+circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the
+Devil's Backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth, one day like a
+lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three
+generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take
+possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony
+had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of
+his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in
+hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshaling forth their
+draggle-tailed militia.
+
+The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount
+the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron.
+This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout
+frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent., informs us, "three
+hundred valiant red coats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down,
+and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his
+anchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so to do.
+This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though
+I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he
+had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having
+despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town,
+with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches
+pockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small
+resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is brewing. The
+very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay; while all the old and
+ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to
+save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment!
+
+The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched in
+terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor, declaring the
+right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed
+the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts,
+etc., should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and
+protection; promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free
+trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's
+government.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of
+aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John
+Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to be
+taken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket,
+stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great
+vehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer
+the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy
+councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for confident in
+his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give
+them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct.
+
+His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the
+late valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire in
+their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places; crawling
+cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting at
+every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers;
+and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable
+soldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms! Having, however, in
+despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe,
+without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their
+seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a
+few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and
+stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed
+in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on
+his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped
+himself in this portentious manner unless something of martial nature were
+working within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if
+they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their
+pipes in breathless suspense.
+
+His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle
+debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting
+the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those
+brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty
+bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He now
+called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had
+defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the
+summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend
+the province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg to
+stand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flat
+of his sword upon the table that quite electrified his auditors.
+
+The privy councillors who had long since been brought into as perfect
+discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there
+was no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in
+silence like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being
+inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency acquired at
+popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit,
+when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present
+jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested
+a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general
+meeting of the people.
+
+So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused
+the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself--what, then, must have been
+its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a
+governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of
+the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition? He burst forth into a blaze
+of indignation--swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of
+it; that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of
+tobacco for either; that they might go home and go to bed like old women,
+for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance
+of them or their adherents! So saying, he tucked his sword under his arm,
+cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped
+indignantly out of the council chamber, everybody making room for him as
+he passed.
+
+No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meeting
+in front of the stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue
+Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of
+William the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking
+the reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the
+land, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing
+that he was the first to imprint New-year cakes with the mysterious
+hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such-like magical devices.
+
+This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter
+Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech,
+informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received to
+surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the
+public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions
+highly to the honor and advantage of the province.
+
+He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high-sounding terms of
+vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to Nero,
+Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the people that
+the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the
+present; that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood-stained
+tablet of history; that ages would roll back with sudden horror when they
+came to view it; that the womb of time (by the way, your orators and
+writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would
+fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman)--that the womb of
+time, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a
+parallel enormity: with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring
+tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, for
+they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of
+popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric
+under the general title of Rigmarole.
+
+The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorial
+addressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on his
+conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer
+of this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no inclination of
+coming again within kicking distance of his excellency. Who did deliver
+it has never been named in history; in which neglect he has suffered
+grievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with him
+perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. All
+we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim
+Peter to light his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he smoked
+it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Now did the high-minded Peter de Groodt shower down a pannier load of
+maledictions upon his burgomaster for a set of self-willed, obstinate,
+factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he
+omit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign people, as
+a heard of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships and
+illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and
+eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortality and a
+broken head.
+
+Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even
+of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his
+right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his
+war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country
+night and day--sounding the alarm along the pastoral border of the
+Bronx--startling the wild solitudes of Croton--arousing the rugged
+yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken--the mighty men of battle of Tappan
+Bay--and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and
+Sleepy-Hollow--charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns,
+shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes.
+
+Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that
+Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just
+stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle,
+well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the
+city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway;
+sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the
+winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more were they to be
+gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter.
+
+It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek
+(sagely denominated Haerlem river) which separates the island of
+Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an
+uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of
+brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient
+ghost upon the brink, and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of his
+errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously
+that he would swim across in spite of the devil (_spyt den duyvel_), and
+daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! scarce had he buffeted
+half-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battling
+with the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his trumpet to his
+mouth, and giving a vehement blast sank for ever to the bottom.
+
+The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned
+Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rang
+far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who
+hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his
+veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the
+melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow of giving
+belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge mossbonker, seize
+the sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him beneath the waves. Certain it
+is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the
+Hudson, has been called _Spyt den Duyvel_ ever since; the ghost of the
+unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trumpet
+has often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with the
+howling of the blast.
+
+Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary,
+a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in the
+future; and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence that no
+true Dutchman will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates
+the devil.
+
+Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear--a man deserving of a better fate.
+He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until the
+day of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind
+some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country--fine,
+chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speak
+true (and they are not apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race of
+editors who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid
+by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable.
+It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the east he did
+much towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which is
+adduced the notorious propensity of the people of those parts to sound
+their own trumpet.
+
+As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and
+night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and
+solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the
+generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of
+Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;
+he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the
+martial melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching
+loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. He
+was gone for ever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur was
+skulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try thy
+fortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine
+forth--Peter the Headstrong!
+
+The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night; still
+all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind
+lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious,
+yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the
+eventful morning when the Great Peter was to give his reply to the summons
+of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting
+in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon
+boiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters
+flashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier
+arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut,
+counseling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, to
+surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to which
+a refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to intrude officious
+advice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery old
+governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the
+bosoms of his councillors to quake with awe; railing at his unlucky fate,
+that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects and jesuitical
+advisers.
+
+Just at this ill-chosen juncture the officious burgomasters, who had heard
+of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the
+room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and
+abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the
+spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces--threw
+it in the face of the nearest burgomaster--broke his pipe over the head
+of the next--hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just
+retreating out at the door; and finally prorogued the whole meeting _sine
+die_, by kicking them downstairs with his wooden leg.
+
+As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion, and had
+time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at full
+length, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and
+vindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for their own
+parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by
+the timber toe of his excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of
+the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the
+seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the harangue
+came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of
+character vested in all true mobs; who, though they may bear injuries
+without a murmur, yet are marvelously jealous of their sovereign dignity;
+and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been
+provoked, had they not been somewhat more afright of their sturdy old
+governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or the d----l
+himself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle
+which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and
+venerable little city--the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited
+country--garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men,
+burgomasters, schepens, and old women--governed by a determined and
+strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and
+resolutions--blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with
+direful desolation from without; while its very vitals are torn with
+internal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen record a page of
+more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the
+Israelites during the siege of Jerusalem, where discordant parties were
+cutting each other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions of
+Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword
+into the very _sanctum sanctorum_ of the temple!
+
+Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout,
+and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, despatched
+a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein he
+asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the
+righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance!
+
+My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenes
+prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded
+in these manly and affectionate terms:----
+
+
+    "As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to
+    answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as
+    merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in His gracious
+    disposal, and we may as well be preserved by Him with small
+    forces as by a great army, which makes us to wish you all
+    happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to His
+    protection.--My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate
+    servant and friend,
+
+    "P. STUYVESANT."
+
+Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of
+horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side,
+thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce little
+war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house,
+determined to defend his beloved city to the last.
+
+While all these struggles and dissentions were prevailing in the unhappy
+city of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was
+framing the above quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain
+idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of
+the populace; and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacent
+country a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in
+their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple
+Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They
+promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his
+British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw,
+and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe,
+speak Dutch, wear as many beeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles,
+and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot.
+That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language,
+nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than by
+casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of
+his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That
+every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat,
+shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage; and that no man
+should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any other
+modern innovations; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his
+house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his
+children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time
+immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade,
+and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar
+than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the
+tutelar saint of the city.
+
+These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people,
+who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most
+singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain little
+more than honor and broken heads: the first of which they held in
+philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By these
+insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the
+confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor,
+whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous
+misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse
+him most heartily, behind his back.
+
+Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and
+brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the
+boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the
+inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise,
+contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble.
+
+But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance,
+they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh,
+and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been
+subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progeny of
+Preserved Fish and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters,
+to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships
+prepared for an assault by water.
+
+The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and
+consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and
+assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The
+whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed
+into arrant old women--a metamorphosis only to be paralleled by the
+prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of
+Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into
+sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street.
+
+Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence,
+blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee
+invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave
+way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until
+it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender.
+
+Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving this
+intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could
+not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their
+congratulations--they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer
+of his country--they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and
+were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with
+victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort
+Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took
+refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear
+the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble.
+
+Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was
+speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be
+signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this
+purpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike
+accoutrements were laid aside; an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about
+his rugged limbs; a red nightcap overshadowed his frowning brow; an
+iron-grey beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to his
+visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign
+the loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible
+countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb-senna, and ipecacuanha, had been
+offered to his lips. At length, dashing it from him, he seized his
+brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St.
+Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven.
+
+For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during
+which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous
+revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to
+soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the
+burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the
+capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle
+strongly barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked
+hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window.
+
+There was something in this formidable position that struck even the
+ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not
+but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when
+they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to his
+post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful
+city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by
+the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged
+themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectful
+humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators
+described by Sallust as being "talkative rather than eloquent," stepped
+forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length,
+detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the
+province, and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same arguments
+and words, to sign the capitulation.
+
+The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence. Now and
+then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant
+grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But
+though a man of most undaunted mettle--though he had a heart as big as an
+ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn--yet after all he was
+a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal
+haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would
+follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for
+his consent; or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour
+in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them
+to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a
+pole, and having scrawled his hand at the bottom of it, he anathematised
+them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons--threw the
+capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard
+stumping downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently
+took to their heels; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the
+premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and
+greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure.
+
+Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fed
+warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and
+batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers
+made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to
+protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated
+in silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through the
+streets.
+
+Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces,
+enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm, as _locum tenens_ for
+the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that
+of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth
+were denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto the
+present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to
+maintain quiet possession of their property, but so inveterately did they
+retain their abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting of
+the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of
+their conquerors to dinner.
+
+
+    NOTE.
+
+    Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus
+    overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens,
+    a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by
+    one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they
+    crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and
+    cabbage gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers
+    among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have
+    remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to
+    repeople the city with the genuine breed, whenever it shall be
+    effectually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine
+    descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York still look
+    with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did
+    the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of
+    Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance is to
+    come.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Thus then have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but before I
+lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty.
+If, among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there should
+haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with
+celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will
+doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To
+gratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more lengths than to
+instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers.
+
+No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of
+capitulation, than, determined not to witness the humiliation of his
+favorite city, he turned his back on its walls, and made a growling
+retreat to his bowery, or country seat, which was situated about two miles
+off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement.
+There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid
+the distracting cares of government, and tasted the sweets of absolute and
+uncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed
+with the bitterness of opposition.
+
+No persuasion should ever induce him to revisit the city; on the contrary,
+he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the
+windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees,
+planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screen that effectually
+excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerate
+innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors--forbade a word
+of their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibition
+readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything but
+Dutch, and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house
+because it consisted of English cherry trees.
+
+The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast
+province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in
+narrower limits. He patroled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of
+his little territory, repelled every encroachment with intrepid
+promptness: punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his
+farmyard with inflexible severity, and conducted every stray hog or cow in
+triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless
+stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and
+his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart,
+had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to
+this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an
+Englishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand of
+assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality.
+Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at
+his door, with his cart-load of tinware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter
+would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious
+clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of "notions" was
+fain to betake himself to instant flight.
+
+His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, was carefully hung
+up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of
+every month, and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim
+repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full-length
+portrait of the renowned admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he
+maintained strict discipline, and a well organized despotic government;
+but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects
+was his constant object. He watched over not merely their immediate
+comforts, but their morals and their ultimate welfare; for he gave them
+abundance of excellent admonition; nor could any of them complain, that,
+when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing
+wholesome correction.
+
+The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an
+overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse
+among my fellow citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of
+Governor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed liberality,
+of jocund revelry and warm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled
+with genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an
+unceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment unknown in these
+days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously
+observed throughout his dominions; nor was the day of St. Nicholas
+suffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in the
+chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies.
+
+Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full
+regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New
+Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of
+saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at
+liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased, for on this day
+their master was always observed to unbend and become exceedingly pleasant
+and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errands
+for pigeons' milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and
+humored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well disciplined
+dependent. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land,
+injuring no man, envying no man, molested by no outward strifes, perplexed
+by no internal commotions; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were
+vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind by
+war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the
+little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the
+domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of
+mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak,
+which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still
+retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan, with every
+blast--so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the port
+and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry,
+yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame--but his
+heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With
+matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence
+concerning the battles between the English and Dutch; still would his
+pulse beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter--and his
+countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of
+the English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoke his fifth
+pipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, conquering the whole
+British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of
+bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in
+a ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of a
+great victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over the
+brave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart
+that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to
+death's door by a violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he still
+displayed the unconquerable sprit of Peter the Headstrong--holding out to
+the last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole army of old women,
+who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch
+mode of defense, by inundation.
+
+While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought
+him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat with little loss,
+and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the
+old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words. He partly raised
+himself in bed, clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripe
+that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Port Christina, and
+giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and expired.
+Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright
+governor, and an honest Dutchman, who wanted only a few empires to
+desolate to have been immortalized as a hero!
+
+His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and
+solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded
+in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his
+sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollection, while the
+memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient
+burghers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall; the
+populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier, and the melancholy
+procession was closed by a number of gray-bearded negroes, who had
+wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the
+greater part of a century.
+
+With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave.
+They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal
+services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled,
+with secret upbraiding, their own factious oppositions to his government;
+and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been
+known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a
+pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek; while he muttered,
+with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head, "Well,
+den!--Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!"
+
+His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he
+had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, and
+which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's
+church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, as
+it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants,
+who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence
+to the customs and manners that prevailed in the "good old times," have
+proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and
+oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money-diggers, in
+quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor,
+though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their
+researches; and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, that
+does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he
+conceived it a great exploit to rob "Stuyvesant's orchard" on a holiday
+afternoon?
+
+At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of
+the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors
+from the parlor wall, his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best
+bed-room; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspended
+in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a
+new-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured
+up in the store-room as an invaluable relique.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful
+and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and
+authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and
+heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty
+empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the
+disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been
+extinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of
+states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wrought
+their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy
+commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and
+powers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall; each
+in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre; each has returned to its primeval
+nothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their High
+Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the
+Doubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, and the chivalric reign
+of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered over
+attentively; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed
+greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found and the lamp
+of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn
+against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweening
+fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of
+prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to destroy its pride
+of character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to the calls of honor
+and of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his
+pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such
+supineness ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded
+up produces the usurpation of a second; one encroachment passively
+suffered makes way for another; and the nation which thus, through a
+doting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and interest, will at length
+have to fight for existence.
+
+Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warning
+against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts without
+system, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies;
+which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness of
+ignorance and imbecility; which stoops for popularity by courting the
+prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than commanding the
+respect, of the rabble; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors,
+and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions;
+which mistakes procrastination for weariness--hurry for
+decision--parsimony for economy--bustle for business, and vaporing for
+valor; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate
+in action, and feeble in execution; which undertakes enterprises without
+forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without
+energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat.
+
+Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and
+decision, even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded by
+perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled courage
+will command respect and secure honor, even where success is unattainable.
+But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the
+good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving
+professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they most
+mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions and
+wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, or
+apprehension will overpower the deference to authority.
+
+Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their intemperate
+harangues, their violent "resolutions," their hectorings against an absent
+enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust and
+despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue.
+Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destitute
+of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and
+bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution
+us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a
+noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe
+with courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but takes from the
+merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful.
+
+But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn from
+the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will
+discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and
+are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I conclude let me
+point out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain of events by
+which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of
+our globe.
+
+Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art a
+king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure
+up in thy heart, though little expectation have I that my work will fall
+into such hands; for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all
+grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs,
+lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom.
+
+By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes
+enjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of
+Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the
+conquest of New Sweden Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord
+Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the
+whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole
+extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered
+one entire dependency upon the British crown. But mark the consequence:
+the hitherto-scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no
+rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and
+finally becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shake
+off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire.
+But the chain of effects stopped not here; the successful revolution in
+America produced the sanguinary revolution in France which produced the
+puissant Bonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which has thrown
+the whole world in confusion! Thus have these great Powers been
+successively punished for their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as I
+asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters
+that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort
+Casimir, as recorded in this eventful history.
+
+And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, which, alas! must be
+for ever--willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy
+kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the
+days of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written one
+as good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will hereafter
+spring up and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, and still
+less care; well knowing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is
+vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end every one at
+table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any
+reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve,
+though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he
+was mistaken--his good-nature by telling him he was captious--or his pure
+conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so
+ingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousand
+pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery.
+
+I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens to
+think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will
+to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics who
+despise the world, because it despises them; on the contrary, though but
+low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and
+my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the
+unbounded love I bear it.
+
+If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a long
+and laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age,
+I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me
+even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile
+snows upon my brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still
+lingers around my heart, and throbs, worthy reader, throbs kindly toward
+thyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust,
+which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds,
+may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild
+flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mannahata!
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13042 ***
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+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13042 ***</div>
+
+<a name='Page_1'></a>
+
+<h1>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK</h1>
+
+<h4>COMPLETE</h4>
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>WASHINGTON IRVING</h2>
+
+<h4>CHICAGO</h4>
+
+<h4>W.B. CONKEY COMPANY</h4>
+
+<h4>PUBLISHERS</h4>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. -->
+<a href='#KNICKERBOCKERSI'><b>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK&mdash;VOLUME I</b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#VOLI_INTRODUCTION'><b>INTRODUCTION</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#THE_AUTHORS_APOLOGY'><b>THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#Notices'><b>Notices</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#ACCOUNT_OF_THE_AUTHOR'><b>ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#TO_THE_PUBLIC'><b>TO THE PUBLIC</b></a><br /></li>
+
+<li><a href='#BOOK_I'><b><i>BOOK I</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_II'><b><i>BOOK II</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_III'><b><i>BOOK III</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_IV'><b><i>BOOK IV</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+</ul>
+<a href='#KNICKERBOCKERS'><b>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK&mdash;VOLUME II</b></a><br />
+<ul>
+ <li><a href='#VOLII_INTRODUCTION'><b>INTRODUCTION</b></a><br /></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#HISTORY_OF_NEW_YORK'><b>HISTORY OF NEW YORK&mdash;<i>BOOK IV</i> (<i>Cont'd.</i>)</b></a><br />
+ <ul>
+<li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_X'><b>CHAPTER X</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_XI'><b>CHAPTER XI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_XII'><b>CHAPTER XII</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_V'><b><i>BOOK V</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_VI'><b><i>BOOK VI</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_VII'><b><i>BOOK VII</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_X'><b>CHAPTER X</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_XI'><b>CHAPTER XI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_XII'><b>CHAPTER XII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_XIII'><b>CHAPTER XIII</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+</ul>
+<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. -->
+<hr class="full" />
+
+[Transcriber's note: The spelling irregularities of the original have
+been retained in this etext.]
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<a name='KNICKERBOCKERSI'></a>
+<a name='VOLI_INTRODUCTION'></a><h2><a name='Page_3'></a><a name='Page_2'></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK is the book, published in December,
+1809, with which Washington Irving, at the age of twenty-six, first won
+wide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an American friend, who
+sent him the second edition&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>&quot;I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon degree of
+    entertainment which I have received from the most excellently
+    jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, as a stranger to
+    American parties and politics, I must lose much of the concealed
+    satire of the piece, but I must own that, looking at the simple
+    and obvious meaning only, I have never read anything so closely
+    resembling the style of Dean Swift as the annals of Diedrich
+    Knickerbocker. I have been employed these few evenings in reading
+    them aloud to Mrs. S. and two ladies who are our guests, and our
+    sides have been absolutely sore with laughing. I think, too,
+    there are passages which indicate that the author possesses
+    powers of a different kind, and has some touches which remind me
+    much of Sterne.&quot;</p></div>
+
+<p>Washington Irving was the son of William Irving, a sturdy native of the
+Orkneys, allied to the Irvines of Drum, among whose kindred was an old
+historiographer who said to them, &quot;Some of the foolish write themselves
+Irving.&quot; William Irving of Shapinsha, in the Orkney Islands, was a petty
+officer on board an armed packet ship in His Majesty's service, when he
+met with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he married at
+Falmouth in May, 1761. Their first child was buried in England before
+July, 1763, when peace had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated to
+New York with his wife, soon to be joined by his wife's parents.</p><a name='Page_4'></a>
+
+<p>At New York William Irving entered into trade, and prospered fairly until
+the outbreak of the American Revolution. His sympathy, and that of his
+wife, went with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, Lord
+Cornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, surrendered at Yorktown.
+In October, 1782, Holland acknowledged the independence of the United
+States in a treaty concluded at The Hague. In January, 1783, an armistice
+was concluded with Great Britain. In February, 1783, the independence of
+the United States was acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in March
+by Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an eleventh child was born to
+William and Sarah Irving, who was named Washington, after the hero under
+whom the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the peace was signed, New
+York was evacuated, and the independence of the United States acknowledged
+by England.</p>
+
+<p>Of the eleven children eight survived. William Irving, the father, was
+rigidly pious, a just and honorable man, who made religion burdensome to
+his children by associating it too much with restrictions and denials. One
+of their two weekly half-holidays was devoted to the Catechism. The
+mother's gentler sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greater
+influence; but she reverenced and loved her good husband, and when her
+youngest puzzled her with his pranks, she would say, &quot;Ah, Washington, if
+you were only good!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>For his lively spirits and quick fancy could not easily be subdued. He
+would get out of his bed-room window at night, walk along a coping, and
+climb over the roof to the top of the next house, only for the high
+purpose of astonishing a neighbor by dropping a stone down his chimney. As
+a young school-boy he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, and
+achieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. &quot;Robinson Crusoe&quot;
+and &quot;Sindbad the Sailor&quot; made him yearn to go to sea.<a name='Page_5'></a> But this was
+impossible unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, which he
+detested. He would get out of bed at night and lie on the floor for an
+hour or two by way of practice. He also took every opportunity that came
+in his way of eating the detested food. But the more he tried to like it
+the nastier it grew, and he gave up as impracticable his hope of going to
+sea. He fastened upon adventures of real travelers; he yearned for travel,
+and was entranced in his youth by first sight of the beauties of the
+Hudson River. He scribbled jests for his school friends, and, of course,
+he wrote a school-boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and he
+was placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was transferred to another,
+and then, in January, 1802, to another, where he continued his clerkship
+with a Mr. Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young daughters by a
+former marriage. With this family Washington Irving, a careless student,
+lively, clever, kind, established the happiest relations, of which
+afterwards there came the deep grief of his life and a sacred memory.</p>
+
+<p>Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning to thrive in business.
+A brother Peter shared his frolics with the pen. His artist pleasure in
+the theater was indulged without his father's knowledge. He would go to
+the play, come home for nine o'clock prayers, go up to bed, and climb out
+of his bed-room window, and run back and see the after-piece. So come
+evasions of undue restraint. But with all this impulsive liveliness, young
+Washington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in grave danger.
+When he was nineteen, and taken by a brother-in-law to Ballston springs,
+it was determined by those who heard his incessant night cough that he was
+&quot;not long for this world.&quot; When he had come of age, in April, 1804, his
+brothers, chiefly his eldest brother, who was prospering, provided money
+to send him to Europe that he might recover health by restful travel in
+France,<a name='Page_6'></a> Italy and England. When he was helped up the side of the vessel
+that was to take him from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at him
+with pity and said, &quot;There's a chap who will go overboard before we get
+across.&quot; But Washington Irving returned to New York at the beginning of
+the year 1806 with health restored.</p>
+
+<p>What followed will be told in the Introduction to the other volume of
+this History of New York, by Diedrich Knickerbocker.</p>
+
+<p>H.M.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='THE_AUTHORS_APOLOGY'></a><h2><a name='Page_7'></a>THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated
+than a temporary <i>jeu-d'esprit</i>, was commenced in company with my brother,
+the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book which
+had recently appeared, entitled, &quot;A Picture of New York.&quot; Like that, our
+work was to begin an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of the
+customs, manners and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic
+vein, and treating local errors, follies and abuses with good-humored
+satire.</p>
+
+<p>To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, our
+historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and we
+laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant
+or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this
+crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother
+departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone.</p>
+
+<p>I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the
+&quot;Picture of New York,&quot; I determined that what had been originally intended
+as an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, and form a comic
+history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and
+disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but it
+soon became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had
+begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I
+must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the
+period of <a name='Page_8'></a>the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress and decline,
+presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period,
+also, at that time almost a <i>terra incognita</i> in history. In fact, I was
+surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York
+had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early
+Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors.</p>
+
+<p>This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city; poetic from its
+very obscurity, and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome,
+to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city as
+fortunate above all other American cities in having an antiquity thus
+extending back into the regions of doubt and fable; neither did I conceive
+I was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts
+I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my
+own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names
+connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion.</p>
+
+<p>In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer,
+besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuous trespasses into this
+sacred, though neglected, region of history have met with deserved rebuke
+from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft
+thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I
+can only say with Hamlet&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class='poem'><div class='stanza'>
+<span>&quot;Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil<br /></span>
+<span>Free me so far in your most generous thoughts<br /></span>
+<span>That I have shot my arrow o'er the house,<br /></span>
+<span>And hurt my brother.&quot;<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I will say this in further apology for my work: that if it has taken an
+unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least
+turned attention to that history, and provoked research. It is only since
+this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been
+rummaged, <a name='Page_9'></a>and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the
+dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may actually
+possess.</p>
+
+<p>The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim
+of history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from
+poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing
+form; to illustrate its local humors, customs and peculiarities; to clothe
+home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and
+whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which
+live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the
+heart of the native inhabitant to his home.</p>
+
+<p>In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before
+the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were
+unrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our
+Dutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, or
+adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are
+brought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community together
+in good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rallying points of home
+feeling; the seasoning of our civic festivities; the staple of local tales
+and local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popular
+fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I
+was the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps.</p>
+
+<p>I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim
+and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch
+worthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still be
+found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I
+have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the
+same temper with which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse
+of <a name='Page_10'></a>nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth still
+cherished among them; when I find its very name become a &quot;household word,&quot;
+and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popular
+acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance
+companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses,
+Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice; and when I find New Yorkers of
+Dutch descent priding themselves upon being &quot;genuine Knickerbockers,&quot; I
+please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord; that
+my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages
+derived from them, are n harmony with the feelings and humors of my
+townsmen; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint
+characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants
+will not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other histories
+of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may
+take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library,
+Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored
+indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside.</p>
+
+<p>Sunnyside, 1848.</p>
+
+<p>W.I.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='Notices'></a><h2><a name='Page_11'></a>Notices.</h2>
+
+<h4>WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK.</h4>
+<br />
+
+<p><i>From the &quot;Evening Post&quot; of October</i> 26, 1809.</p>
+
+<p>DISTRESSING.</p>
+
+<p>Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been heard of, a
+small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by
+the name of <i>Knickerbocker</i>. As there are some reasons for believing he is
+not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about
+him, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel,
+Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully
+received.</p>
+
+<p>P.S.&mdash;Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of humanity in
+giving an insertion to the above.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the same, November</i> 6, 1809.</p>
+
+<p><i>To the Editor of the &quot;Evening Post.&quot;</i></p>
+
+<p>SIR,&mdash;Having read, in your paper of the 26th of October last, a paragraph
+respecting an old gentleman by the name of <i>Knickerbocker</i>, who was
+missing from his lodgings; if it would be any relief to his friends, or
+furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them
+that a person answering the description given was seen by the passengers
+of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since,
+resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He
+had in his hand a small bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: he
+appeared to be traveling northward, and was very much fatigued and
+exhausted.</p>
+
+<p>A TRAVELER.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the same, November</i> 16, 1809.</p>
+
+<p><i>To the Editor of the &quot;Evening Post.&quot;</i></p>
+
+<p>SIR,&mdash;You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about
+<i>Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker</i>, who was missing so strangely some time
+since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since; but
+a <i>very curious <a name='Page_12'></a>kind of a written book</i> has been found in his room, in
+his own handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive,
+that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging,
+I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same.</p>
+
+<p>I am, Sir, your humble servant,</p>
+
+<p>SETH HANDASIDE,</p>
+
+<p>Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel,</p>
+
+<p>Mulberry Street.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the same, November</i> 28, 1809.</p>
+
+<p>LITERARY NOTICE.</p>
+
+<p>INSKEEP and BRADFORD have in the press, and will shortly publish,</p>
+
+<p>A History of New York,</p>
+
+<p>In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars.</p>
+
+<p>Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal
+policies, manners, customs, wars, &amp;c. &amp;c., under the Dutch government,
+furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before
+published, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other
+authenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophical
+speculations and moral precepts.</p>
+
+<p>This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the old
+gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It
+is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the &quot;American Citizen&quot; December</i> 6, 1809.</p>
+
+<p>Is this day published,</p>
+
+<p>By INSKEEP and BRADFORD, No. 128, Broadway,</p>
+
+<p>A History of New York,</p>
+
+<p>&amp;c. &amp;c.</p>
+
+<p>(Containing same as above.)</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='ACCOUNT_OF_THE_AUTHOR'></a><h2><a name='Page_13'></a>ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the fall of
+1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian
+Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small,
+brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of
+olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs
+plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some
+eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore
+about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles; and all his
+baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his
+arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run; and my
+wife, who is a very shrewd little body, at once set him down for some
+eminent country schoolmaster.</p>
+
+<p>As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little
+puzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with his
+looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off
+with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great
+painters, Jarvis and Wood: and commands a very pleasant view of the new
+grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House and
+Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; so that it is the
+cheerfulest room in the whole house.</p>
+
+<p>During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy,
+good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would
+keep in his room for days together, and if <a name='Page_14'></a>any of the children cried, or
+made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with
+his hands full of papers, and say something about &quot;deranging his ideas;&quot;
+which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether <i>compos</i>.
+Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room
+was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about
+at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; for he said
+he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know
+where to find them; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying
+about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully
+put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made,
+because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put
+everything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get his
+papers in order again in a twelve-month. Upon this my wife ventured to ask
+him, what he did with so many books and papers? and he told her, that he
+was &quot;seeking for immortality&quot;; which made her think, more than ever, that
+the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked.</p>
+
+<p>He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually
+poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that
+was going on; this was particularly the case about election time, when he
+did nothing but bustle about him from poll to poll, attending all ward
+meetings and committee-rooms; though I could never find that he took part
+with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and
+rail at both parties with great wrath&mdash;and plainly proved one day to the
+satisfaction of my wife, and three old ladies who were drinking tea with
+her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at the skirt
+of the nation; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its
+back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the
+<a name='Page_15'></a>neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon,
+as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believe
+he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the
+question, if they could ever have found out what it was.</p>
+
+<p>He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about
+the most trifling matter, and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that
+was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who
+called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But
+this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the
+city librarian; and, of course, must be a man of great learning; and I
+have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history.</p>
+
+<p>As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any
+pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and
+what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend
+the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the
+<i>Literati</i>; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn
+to push a lodger for his pay, so I let day after day pass on without
+dunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takes
+these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at
+last got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time &quot;some
+people should have a sight of some people's money.&quot; To which the old
+gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make
+herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his
+saddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer
+we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in
+which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great
+connections, being related to the Knickerbockers <a name='Page_16'></a>of Scaghtikoke, and
+cousin german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat
+him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making
+things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children
+their letters; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their
+children also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed
+so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to
+speak on the subject again.</p>
+
+<p>About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his
+hand&mdash;and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made
+after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they
+sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last,
+when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and left
+the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him
+from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor
+old gentleman; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that
+he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I
+therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy
+advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never
+been able to learn anything satisfactory about him.</p>
+
+<p>My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he
+had left anything behind in his room, that would pay us for his board and
+lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings,
+and his pair of saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of the
+librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large
+bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, he
+had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about;
+as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York,
+which he <a name='Page_17'></a>advised us by all means to publish; assuring us that it would be
+so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it would
+be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very
+learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the
+press, which he accordingly has done; and has, moreover, added to it a
+number of notes of his own; and an engraving of the city, as it was at the
+time Mr. Knickerbocker writes about.</p>
+
+<p>This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work
+printed, without waiting for the consent of the author; and I here
+declare, that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident
+has befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true and
+honest man. Which is all at present&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>From the public's humble servant,</p>
+
+<p>SETH HANDASIDE.</p>
+
+<p>INDEPENDENT COLUMBIAN HOTEL, NEW YORK.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p>The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of
+this work. Shortly after its publication, a letter was received from him,
+by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the
+Hudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certain
+ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, into
+which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise,
+that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements
+that were made concerning him; and that he should learn of the publication
+of his history by mere accident.</p>
+
+<p>He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he was
+prevented from making several important corrections and alterations: as
+well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during
+his travels along the <a name='Page_18'></a>shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at
+Haverstraw and Esopus.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to
+New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at
+Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for
+which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found
+it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads
+and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline
+of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these
+intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State; where
+they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers,
+by the introduction of turnpike-gates and country school-houses. It is
+said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing
+the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace; but was highly
+indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the
+middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit.</p>
+
+<p>The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, he
+received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers; some of whom,
+however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into,
+particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany
+tea-tables, which they assured him had been discontinued for some years
+past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their
+ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of
+their neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the latter, it must
+be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon; considering these
+recordings in the lights of letters patent of nobility, establishing their
+claims to ancestry, which, in this republican country, is a matter of no
+little solicitude and vain-glory.</p><a name='Page_19'></a>
+
+<p>It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the
+governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to
+shake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly was
+going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed,
+certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture
+to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that he
+privately entertained a considerable good-will for our author&mdash;nay, he
+even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own
+table, just after dinner, that &quot;Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort
+of an old gentleman, and no fool.&quot; From all which may have been led to
+suppose, that, had our author been of different politics, and written for
+the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have
+risen to some post of honor and profit: peradventure to be a notary
+public, or even a justice in the ten-pound court.</p>
+
+<p>Besides the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed
+by the <i>literati</i> of Albany; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who
+entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and
+reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the
+ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart&mdash;of great literary
+research, and a curious collector of books At parting, the latter, in
+testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his
+collection; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism,
+and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands; by the
+last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second
+edition.</p>
+
+<p>Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to
+Scaghtikoke; where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open
+arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to
+by the family, <a name='Page_20'></a>being the first historian of the name; and was considered
+almost as great a man as his cousin the Congressman&mdash;with whom, by-the-by,
+he became perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship.</p>
+
+<p>In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their great
+attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and
+discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business
+to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and
+anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable
+situation; and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regular
+habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or
+drinking&mdash;both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere
+spleen and idleness.</p>
+
+<p>It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of
+his history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passages
+with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had
+crept into it; for he was particularly anxious that his work should be
+noted for its authenticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of
+history. But the glow of composition had departed&mdash;he had to leave many
+places untouched which he would fain have altered; and even where he did
+make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the
+better or the worse.</p>
+
+<p>After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong
+desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest
+affection; not merely because it was his native city, but because he
+really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return
+he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literary
+reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertisements,
+petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import; and, although he
+never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the <a name='Page_21'></a>credit of writing
+innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and
+all sides of the question, in all which he was clearly detected &quot;by his
+style.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the postoffice, in
+consequence of the numerous letter he received from authors and printers
+soliciting his subscription&mdash;and he was applied to by every charitable
+society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering
+these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great
+corporation dinner; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at
+the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that he
+could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the
+city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted; but
+several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usual
+rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little
+boys at play have been known to cry, &quot;There goes Diedrich!&quot; at which the
+old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations
+in the light of the praise of posterity.</p>
+
+<p>In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and
+distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium, passed on his in the
+Portfolio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much
+overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days) it must be confessed
+that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or
+have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality.</p>
+
+<p>After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence
+at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the
+family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor.
+It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes
+beyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed, to be occasionally over-flowed,
+<a name='Page_22'></a>and much infested, in the summer-time, with mosquitoes; but otherwise
+very agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes.</p>
+
+<p>Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of
+a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end
+approaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his
+fortune to the New York Historical Society; his Heidelberg Catechism and
+Vander Donck's work to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr.
+Handaside. He forgave all his enemies&mdash;that is to say, all that bore any
+enmity towards him; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will to
+all the world. And, after dictating several kind messages, to his
+relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial
+Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian.</p>
+
+<p>His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's
+Churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; and
+it is rumored that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a
+wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='TO_THE_PUBLIC'></a><h2><a name='Page_23'></a>TO THE PUBLIC.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>&quot;To rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a
+just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our
+Dutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York,
+produces this historical essay.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_1'></a><a href='#Footnote_1'><sup>[1]</sup></a> Like the great Father of History,
+whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the
+twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night of
+forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude had I
+long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually
+slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and
+day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I,
+and those revered Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of
+good old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children,
+engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the
+present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past,
+and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the
+Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and
+even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and
+Peter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus
+and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Boulogne.</p>
+
+<p>Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I
+industriously set myself to work to gather together all the fragments of
+our <a name='Page_24'></a>ancient history which still existed; and, like my revered prototype,
+Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored to
+continue the chain of history by well-authenticated traditions.</p>
+<br />
+
+<p>In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long
+and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have
+consulted, and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though
+such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country,
+there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the
+early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch Governors. I have,
+however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate
+manuscript, written in exceeding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting a
+few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the
+Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I
+likewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumber
+garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens; and I have gathered a host of
+well-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my
+acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor
+must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that
+admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society,
+to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments.</p>
+
+<p>In the conduct, of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual
+model, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining
+and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians.
+Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the
+strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it,
+after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies,
+drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it <a name='Page_25'></a>with
+profound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the
+graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity,
+the grandeur and magnificence of Livy.</p>
+
+<p>I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and
+judicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive
+manner of my favorite Herodotus. And, to be candid, I have found it
+impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes,
+which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the
+historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his
+wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed my
+staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so
+that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation.</p>
+
+<p>Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival
+Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the
+loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded
+have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This
+difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated
+in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions
+in these best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy,
+with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement.</p>
+
+<p>But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for future
+regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this
+invaluable little work; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis,
+and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and
+choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to
+captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface
+of literature; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the
+pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have <a name='Page_26'></a>availed myself of the
+obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a
+thousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithy
+tale and marvelous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence
+might be enthralled; jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and
+dignity which should ever distinguish the historian. &quot;For a writer of this
+class,&quot; observes an elegant critic, &quot;must sustain the character of a wise
+man writing for the instruction of posterity; one who has studied to
+inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and addresses
+himself to our judgment rather than to our imagination.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in having incidents
+worthy of swelling the theme of history; and doubly thrice happy is it in
+having such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle
+reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are
+nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their
+prosperity as they rise&mdash;who blazons forth the splendor of their noontide
+meridian&mdash;who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay&mdash;who
+gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot&mdash;and who piously,
+at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and rears
+a triumphant monument to transmit their renown to all succeeding ages.</p>
+
+<p>What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless
+ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless
+inquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence&mdash;they have
+perished from remembrance for want of a historian! The philanthropist may
+weep over their desolation&mdash;the poet may wander among their mouldering
+arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of his
+fancy&mdash;but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is
+doomed to confine itself to dull matter <a name='Page_27'></a>of fact, seeks in vain among
+their oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructive
+tale of their glory and their ruin.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;Wars, conflagrations, deluges,&quot; says Aristotle, &quot;destroy nations, and
+with them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The
+torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled&mdash;a few
+individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of
+generations.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will
+happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which
+now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for
+recording their history is gone by: their origin, their foundation,
+together with the early stages of their settlement, are for ever buried in
+the rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fair
+portion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very
+nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about
+entering into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion&mdash;if I had not
+dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's
+adamantine fangs were closing upon them for ever! And here have I, as
+before observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip
+and scrap, &quot;<i>punt en punt, gat en gat</i>,&quot; and commenced in this little
+work, a history to serve as a foundation on which other historians may
+hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until
+Knickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's Rome, or
+Hume and Smollett's England!</p>
+
+<p>And now indulge me for a moment: while I lay down my pen, skip to some
+little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead; and,
+casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll
+between, discover myself&mdash;little I&mdash;at this moment the progenitor,
+prototype, and <a name='Page_28'></a>precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of
+literary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back,
+pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality.</p>
+
+<p>Such are the vain-glorious misgivings that will now and then enter into
+the brain of the author&mdash;that irradiate, as with celestial light, his
+solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to
+persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these
+rhapsodies whenever they have occurred; not, I trust, from an unusual
+spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea
+how an author thinks and feels while he is writing&mdash;a kind of knowledge
+very rare and curious, and much to be desired.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_1'></a><a href='#FNanchor_1'>[1]</a><div class='note'><p> Beloe's Herodotus.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_I'></a><h2><a name='Page_29'></a><i>BOOK I.</i></h2>
+<br />
+
+<center>CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULATIONS,
+CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.</center>
+
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>According to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge,
+opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of
+infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid,
+curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginary
+poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the center; thus
+forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal
+revolution.</p>
+
+<p>The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of
+day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively
+presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The
+latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts a
+luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this world
+is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by
+a centripetal or attractive force; otherwise called the attraction of
+gravitation; the combination, or rather the counteraction, of these two
+opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution. Hence result
+the different seasons of the year&mdash;viz., spring, summer, autumn, and
+winter.</p><a name='Page_30'></a>
+
+<p>This I believe to be the most approved modern theory on the subject;
+though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different
+opinions; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great
+antiquity and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by some of the
+ancient sages that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast
+pillars; and by others that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back
+of a huge tortoise; but as they did not provide a resting place for either
+the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground for want
+of proper foundation.</p>
+
+<p>The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and
+moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by
+day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations
+during the night;<a name='FNanchor_2'></a><a href='#Footnote_2'><sup>[2]</sup></a> while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a
+vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of mild, nectar, and other delicious
+liquids; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the
+center by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragon
+occasionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena of
+lunar eclipses.<a name='FNanchor_3'></a><a href='#Footnote_3'><sup>[3]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound
+conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of
+Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud el-Hadheli, who is commonly
+called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes the humble title of
+Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He
+has written a universal history, entitled, &quot;Mouroudge-ed-dharab or the
+Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_4'></a><a href='#Footnote_4'><sup>[4]</sup></a> In this valuable work
+he has related the history of the world, from the creation down to the
+<a name='Page_31'></a>moment of writing; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the
+month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of the
+Prophet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina
+constitute the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the
+left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us moreover, that an earth has
+existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000
+years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the
+opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance; it will be
+renovated every seventy thousandth hazarouam; each hazarouam consisting of
+12,000 years.</p>
+
+<p>These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers
+concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal
+perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers
+have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire;<a name='FNanchor_5'></a><a href='#Footnote_5'><sup>[5]</sup></a> others that it
+is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal;<a name='FNanchor_6'></a><a href='#Footnote_6'><sup>[6]</sup></a> and a third class,
+at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was nothing but
+a huge ignited mass of iron or stone&mdash;indeed he declared the heavens to be
+merely a vault of stone&mdash;and that the stars were stones whirled upward
+from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.<a name='FNanchor_7'></a><a href='#Footnote_7'><sup>[7]</sup></a> But
+I give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher, the people
+of Athens having fully refuted them by banishing him from their city; a
+concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former
+days. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fiery
+particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in a
+single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, <a name='Page_32'></a>but being
+scattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in various
+points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished,
+not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of
+exhalations for the next occasion.<a name='FNanchor_8'></a><a href='#Footnote_8'><sup>[8]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods, in
+consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completely burnt
+out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy
+circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heraclitus, that
+worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various
+speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel that the sun is a
+magnificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certain
+empyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swimming in its transparent
+atmosphere.<a name='FNanchor_9'></a><a href='#Footnote_9'><sup>[9]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>But we will not enter further at present into the nature of the sun, that
+being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this
+history; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless
+disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content
+ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, and
+will proceed to illustrate by experiment the complexity of motion therein
+described to this our rotatory planet.</p>
+
+<p>Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered
+into English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profound
+gravity of deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of
+examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who thereby
+worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the
+course of one of his lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket of
+water swung it <a name='Page_33'></a>around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he
+threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his
+arm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a
+substitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the
+globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed
+no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly
+explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them,
+moreover, that the same principle of gravitation which retained the water
+in the bucket restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid
+revolutions; and he farther informed them that should the motion of the
+earth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into the sun,
+through the centripetal force of gravitation: a most ruinous event to this
+planet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably would
+not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those
+vagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men
+of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the
+experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the moment
+that the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
+astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor of
+youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the
+theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket
+perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von
+Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with
+unutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvelously edified,
+and departed considerably wiser than before.</p>
+
+<p>It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a
+painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most
+profound and elaborate efforts; so that often after having invented <a name='Page_34'></a>one
+of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the
+perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly
+contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited
+grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearned
+entirely upon the philosopher; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to
+his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of
+Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is
+continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take
+pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned
+and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the
+foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears
+that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its
+antagonist remains in undiminished potency: the world, therefore,
+according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety
+to tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do so,
+and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prognostics.
+But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her course, not
+withstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university of
+learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in
+very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight
+and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world had not a
+good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the
+parties, and effected a reconciliation.</p>
+
+<p>Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely
+determined to accommodate the theory to the world; he therefore informed
+his brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round the
+sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described
+than it became a regular revolution independent of the cause which gave it
+origin. His learned brethren <a name='Page_35'></a>readily joined in the opinion, being
+heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from
+their embarrassment; and ever since that memorable era the world has been
+left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit
+as she thinks proper.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_2'></a><a href='#FNanchor_2'>[2]</a><div class='note'><p> Faria y Souza: Mick. Lus. note b. 7.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_3'></a><a href='#FNanchor_3'>[3]</a><div class='note'><p> Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_4'></a><a href='#FNanchor_4'>[4]</a><div class='note'><p> MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_5'></a><a href='#FNanchor_5'>[5]</a><div class='note'><p> Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib. ii. cap. 20</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_6'></a><a href='#FNanchor_6'>[6]</a><div class='note'><p> Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19; Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81; Stob.
+Eclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56; Plut. de Plac. Philos.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_7'></a><a href='#FNanchor_7'>[7]</a><div class='note'><p> Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8; Plat Apol. t. i.
+p. 26; Plut. de Plac. Philos; Xenoph. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_8'></a><a href='#FNanchor_8'>[8]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2; Idem. Probl. sec. 15; Stob.
+Ecl. Phys. 1. i. p. 55; Bruck. Hist. Phil, t. i. p. 1154, etc.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_9'></a><a href='#FNanchor_9'>[9]</a><div class='note'><p> Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72; Idem. 1801, p. 265; Nich. Philos.
+Journ. i. p. 13.</p></div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some
+idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from
+whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of
+these points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this
+world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned
+island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an
+existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I
+should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe.</p>
+
+<p>And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a
+chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was
+perplexed withal; therefore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts,
+and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the
+left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, or
+have their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which will
+be flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolent
+or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had
+better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of some
+smoother chapter.</p>
+
+<p>Of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts;
+and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation,
+yet <a name='Page_36'></a>every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a
+better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice their
+several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and
+instructed.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the
+whole system of the universe was the Deity himself;<a name='FNanchor_10'></a><a href='#Footnote_10'><sup>[10]</sup></a> a doctrine most
+strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, as
+also by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythagoras
+likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and
+triad; and by means of his sacred quaternary, elucidated the formation of
+the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and
+morals.<a name='FNanchor_11'></a><a href='#Footnote_11'><sup>[11]</sup></a> Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and
+triangles; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, the
+octahedron, the icosahedron, and the dodecahedron.<a name='FNanchor_12'></a><a href='#Footnote_12'><sup>[12]</sup></a> While others
+advocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction of
+our globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four material
+elements, air, earth, fire, and water; with the assistance of a fifth, an
+immaterial and vivifying principle.</p>
+
+<p>Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus
+before the siege of Troy; revived by Democritus of laughing memory;
+improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows; and modernized by the
+fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of which
+the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent; whether they are
+animate or inanimate; whether, agreeably, to the opinion of Atheists, they
+were fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, <a name='Page_37'></a>were arranged
+by a supreme intelligence.<a name='FNanchor_13'></a><a href='#Footnote_13'><sup>[13]</sup></a> Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate
+clod, or whether it be animated by a soul,<a name='FNanchor_14'></a><a href='#Footnote_14'><sup>[14]</sup></a> which opinion was
+strenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom
+stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of
+philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine
+of Platonic love&mdash;an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better
+adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis than
+to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, which
+populates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit.</p>
+
+<p>Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old
+Hesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode of
+procreation; and the plausible opinion of others, that the earth was
+hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and was
+cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last
+doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,<a name='FNanchor_15'></a><a href='#Footnote_15'><sup>[15]</sup></a> has favored us with an
+accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this
+mundane egg, which is found to bear a marvelous resemblance to that of a
+goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this
+our planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of
+antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latins
+have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that
+their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and
+inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day.</p>
+
+<p>But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems <a name='Page_38'></a>of ancient sages, let
+me not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers, which, though
+less universal than renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal
+chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins in the pages
+of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo transformed himself into
+a great boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on
+his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise and a mighty snake; and
+Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he
+placed the earth upon the head of the snake.<a name='FNanchor_16'></a><a href='#Footnote_16'><sup>[16]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>The negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by the
+hands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Being
+constructed himself that it might be supremely excellent. And he took
+great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful;
+and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and
+smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his
+descendants, became flat.</p>
+
+<p>The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down from
+heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place
+was covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise,
+paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it
+finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.<a name='FNanchor_17'></a><a href='#Footnote_17'><sup>[17]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish
+philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their
+erudition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my
+readers can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more
+intelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors.</p><a name='Page_39'></a>
+
+<p>And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that this
+globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of
+the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the
+collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross
+vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted,
+according to their densities, earth, water, and air, which gradually
+arranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round the
+burning or vitrified mass that formed their center.</p>
+
+<p>Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were
+universally paramount; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the
+earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and
+mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other
+words, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing that
+of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a
+fountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of
+tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and
+thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before half
+the hideous task was accomplished.</p>
+
+<p>Whistorn, the same ingenious philosopher who rivaled Ditton in his
+researches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swift
+discharged on their heads a most savory stanza), has distinguished himself
+by a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it
+was originally a chaotic comet, which, being selected for the abode of
+man, was removed from its eccentric orbit; and whirled round the sun in
+its present regular motion; by which change of direction, order succeeded
+to confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The philosopher
+adds that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery
+tail of another comet; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved
+condition; thus furnishing <a name='Page_40'></a>a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevail
+even among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial
+harmony of the spheres so melodiously sung by the poets.</p>
+
+<p>But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of
+Burnet, and Woodward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my time
+will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve; and shall
+conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is
+as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulity
+as serious research, and who has recommended himself wonderfully to the
+good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries,
+amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora,
+has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According
+to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode,
+like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded the sun&mdash;which, in
+its flight, by a similar convulsion, exploded the earth, which in like
+guise exploded the moon&mdash;and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, the
+whole solar system was produced, and set most systematically in
+motion!<a name='FNanchor_18'></a><a href='#Footnote_18'><sup>[18]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if
+thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its
+parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude that the
+creation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined.
+I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could
+be constructed; and I have no doubt that had any of the philosophers above
+quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical
+warehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to manufacture, a planet
+as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we
+inhabit.</p><a name='Page_41'></a>
+
+<p>And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence in creating
+comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their
+assistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the
+system of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the
+wonder-working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in his
+theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds,
+and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has
+but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and away he
+gallops in triumph like an enchanter on his hippogriff, or a Connecticut
+witch on her broomstick, &quot;to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>It is an old and vulgar saying about a &quot;beggar on horseback&quot; which I would
+not for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers; but I must
+confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery
+steeds, are as wild in their curvettings as was Phaeton of yore, when he
+aspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus. One drives his comet at full
+speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mighty
+concussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of
+burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and faggots; a third, of
+more combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet like a
+bombshell into the world, and blow it up like a powder magazine; while a
+fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants,
+insinuates that some day or other his comet&mdash;my modest pen blushes while I
+write it&mdash;shall absolutely turn tail upon our world and deluge it with
+water! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully
+provided by Providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them in
+manufacturing theories.</p>
+
+<p>And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur
+to my recollection, I <a name='Page_42'></a>leave my judicious readers at full liberty to
+choose among them. They are all serious speculations of learned men&mdash;all
+differ essentially from each other&mdash;and all have the same title to belief.
+It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the
+works of their predecessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in their
+stead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles
+of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius,
+of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errors
+and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and
+absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories
+are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of science
+amuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid
+admiration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom!
+Surely Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a
+soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally
+incomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be found
+not worthy the trouble of discovery.</p>
+
+<p>For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement among
+themselves, I shall content myself with the account handed down to us by
+Moses; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors of
+Connecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colony
+should be governed by the laws of God&mdash;until they had time to make better.</p>
+
+<p>One thing, however, appears certain&mdash;from the unanimous authority of the
+before quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of our own senses
+(which, though very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted as
+additional testimony)&mdash;it appears, I say, and I make the assertion
+deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was
+created, and that it is composed of land <a name='Page_43'></a>and water. It further appears
+that it is curiously divided and parceled out into continents and islands,
+among which I boldly declare the renowned island of New York will be found
+by any one who seeks for it in its proper place.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_10'></a><a href='#FNanchor_10'>[10]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. ap, Cic. lib. i. cap. 3.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_11'></a><a href='#FNanchor_11'>[11]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5.; Idem, de Coelo, 1. iii, c.
+I; Rousseau mem. sur Musique ancien. p. 39; Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib.
+i. cap. 3.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_12'></a><a href='#FNanchor_12'>[12]</a><div class='note'><p> Tim. Locr. ap. Plato. t. iii. p. 90.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_13'></a><a href='#FNanchor_13'>[13]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. Nat. Auscult. I. ii. cap. 6; Aristoph. Metaph. lib.
+i. cap. 3; Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10; Justin Mart. orat. ad gent.
+p. 20.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_14'></a><a href='#FNanchor_14'>[14]</a><div class='note'><p> Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4; Tim. de anim. mund. ap.
+Plat. lib. iii.; Mem. de l'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. p. 19.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_15'></a><a href='#FNanchor_15'>[15]</a><div class='note'><p> Book i. ch. 5.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_16'></a><a href='#FNanchor_16'>[16]</a><div class='note'><p> Holwell, Gent. Philosophy.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_17'></a><a href='#FNanchor_17'>[17]</a><div class='note'><p> Johannes Megapolensis. Jun. Account of Maquaas or Mohawk
+Indians.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_18'></a><a href='#FNanchor_18'>[18]</a><div class='note'><p> Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. cant. i. 1. 105.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat three sons, Shem,
+Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting who affirm that the
+patriarch had a number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him father of
+the gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus
+(who was the first inventor of Johnny cakes); and others have mentioned a
+son, named Thuiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or, in
+other words, the Dutch nation.</p>
+
+<p>I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to
+gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating minutely
+the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would be
+attended with more trouble than many people would imagine; for the good
+old patriarch seems to have been a great traveler in his day, and to have
+passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The
+Chaldeans, for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name into
+Xisuthrus&mdash;a trivial alteration, which to an historian skilled in
+etymologies will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, likewise, that he
+had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the
+gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals.
+The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu;
+the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges; and the Theban with
+Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most
+extensive and <a name='Page_44'></a>authentic historians, inasmuch as they have known the world
+much longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi;
+and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is that it is a
+fact, admitted by the most enlightened <i>literati</i>, that Noah traveled into
+China, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to
+improve himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shuckford
+gives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain on
+the frontiers of China.</p>
+
+<p>From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses many
+satisfactory deductions might be drawn; but I shall content myself with
+the simple fact stated in the Bible&mdash;viz., that Noah begat three sons,
+Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure
+contingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the
+most distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitably
+consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover
+these mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest triumph of his skill
+to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation, which at first
+sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my
+readers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can
+possibly have with this history; and many will stare when informed that
+the whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character and
+course from the simplest circumstance of the patriarch's having but three
+sons&mdash;but to explain.</p>
+
+<p>Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole
+surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee simple, after the
+deluge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children.
+To Shem he gave Asia; to Ham, Africa; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a
+thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there
+been a fourth he would doubtless have inherited<a name='Page_45'></a> America, which, of
+course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion;
+and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been
+spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first
+discovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having provided
+for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as mere
+wild unsettled land, and said nothing about it; and to this unpardonable
+taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America
+did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe.</p>
+
+<p>It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards
+posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was
+the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that
+ponderosity of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to his
+nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the
+globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion
+for the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious and
+enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his
+aversion to the marvelous, common to all great travelers, is conclusively
+of the same opinion; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the
+manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under
+the immediate direction of the great Noah. &quot;I have already observed,&quot;
+exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, &quot;that it is
+an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to
+penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect,
+I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously
+believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and
+that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a ship
+which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals
+and quicksands to guard against, <a name='Page_46'></a>should be ignorant of, or should not
+have communicates to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean?
+Therefore, they did sail on the ocean&mdash;therefore, they sailed to
+America&mdash;therefore, America was discovered by Noah!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly
+characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather
+than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it
+a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained
+the thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am
+inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the
+worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of
+more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate
+historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of
+antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are
+particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the
+ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravely
+give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far
+more copious and accurate than the Bible; and that, in the course of
+another century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among
+historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of
+Robinson Crusoe.</p>
+
+<p>I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional
+suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first
+discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overload
+themselves in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous
+world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling,
+and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works,
+which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of
+straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established
+the fact, to the satisfaction of all the <a name='Page_47'></a>world, that this country has
+been discovered I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be
+extremely brief upon this point.</p>
+
+<p>I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was first
+discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet,
+which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that
+Carthaginian expedition which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discovered
+the Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony from
+Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether
+it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness
+advances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron; nor be Behem the
+German navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savants of
+the learned city of Philadelphia.</p>
+
+<p>Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on
+the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who, having never
+returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to
+America, and that for a plain reason if he did not go there, where else
+could he have gone?&mdash;a question which most Socratically shuts out all
+further dispute.</p>
+
+<p>Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a
+multitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the
+vulgar opinion that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492,
+by Christopher Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus,
+but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of
+this Colon I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently
+known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been
+called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture
+them to myself, all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of
+<a name='Page_48'></a>promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into
+their possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of a
+regular bred historian! No&mdash;no&mdash;most curious and thrice-learned readers
+(for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and
+nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we have
+yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this
+fair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a
+country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might
+revel at their ease? No such thing. They had forests to cut down,
+underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In
+like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and
+paradoxes to explain before I permit you to range at random; but these
+difficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily
+through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the
+nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been
+found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense&mdash;this being an
+improvement in history which I claim the merit of having invented.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history
+is to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled&mdash;a
+point fruitful of incredible embarrassments; for unless we prove that the
+aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately
+asserted in this age of scepticism, that they did not come at all; and if
+they did not come at all, then was this country never populated&mdash;a
+conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly
+irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must
+syllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populous
+region.</p><a name='Page_49'></a>
+
+<p>To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so
+many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been
+plundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained! and how many
+capacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for ever
+confounded! I pause with reverential awe when I contemplate the ponderous
+tomes in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve
+this question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involved
+in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged
+in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and, after leading us a
+weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the
+end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless
+some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet
+Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematises most
+heartily as &quot;an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry about
+unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and
+to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done.&quot; But to proceed.</p>
+
+<p>Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this
+country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my
+last chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of
+Abraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), when he first
+discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with a
+shrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had found
+the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing
+the temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remains
+of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the
+precious ore.</p>
+
+<p>So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was
+too tempting not to be <a name='Page_50'></a>immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of
+learning; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to
+swear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities
+and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robert Stephens
+declared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the least
+hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early
+settlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, and several other
+sagacious writers lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras,
+which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of an
+arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability.</p>
+
+<p>Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure when in
+trudges a phalanx of opposite authors with Hans de Laet, the great
+Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about
+their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claims
+to the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocal
+symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to
+be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who has
+always effected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. &quot;A remark,&quot;
+says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, &quot;made by all good authors who have
+spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, besides,
+on the authority of the fathers of the church.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled to
+mention Lopez de Gomara and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites,
+being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a
+panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take
+breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither
+their national language, manners, nor features with them it is supposed
+they left them <a name='Page_51'></a>behind in the hurry of their flight. I cannot give my
+faith to this opinion.</p>
+
+<p>I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, who being both an
+ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, that
+North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that
+Peru was founded by a colony from China&mdash;Manco or Mungo Capac, the first
+Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely mention that
+Father Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians,
+Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a
+skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celt&aelig;, Marinocus the Sicilian
+to the Romans, Le Comte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martin
+d'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De Laet,
+that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor.</p>
+
+<p>Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is
+the fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveler Marco
+Polo the Venetian; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis,
+described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish
+assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally
+furnished with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion of Dr.
+Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the
+Indian race; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin,
+so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is
+accidentally descended foam a remarkable family of monkeys!</p>
+
+<p>This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very
+ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing
+in stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once
+electrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders.
+Little did<a name='Page_52'></a> I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to be
+treated with equal discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholding
+these grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transformations of the
+hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and
+with one hypocritical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determined
+from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories,
+but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they
+transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to
+this great field of theoretical warfare.</p>
+
+<p>This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water.
+Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first by the
+north of Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by regions
+southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his
+Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea,
+through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; and various
+writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for the
+accommodation of these travelers, have fastened the two continents
+together by a strong chain of deductions&mdash;by which means they could pass
+over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious old
+gentleman, who compiles books and manufactures geographies, has
+constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the
+distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits-for which he is
+entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever
+did or ever will pass over it.</p>
+
+<p>It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above
+quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring
+hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In
+this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird,
+which, in <a name='Page_53'></a>building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all
+the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to
+impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle
+productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care
+that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack
+each other.</p>
+
+<p>My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one
+has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon&mdash;or
+that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white
+bears cruise about the northern oceans&mdash;or that they were conveyed hither
+by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais&mdash;or by
+witchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars&mdash;or after the manner of
+the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on
+full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of a
+golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo.</p>
+
+<p>But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been
+peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth
+all the rest; it is&mdash;by accident! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New
+Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes: &quot;In
+fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been
+so by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it
+not have been at the same time, and by the same means, with the other
+parts of the globe?&quot; This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions
+from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves
+the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world
+without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the
+dexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the
+gordian knot&mdash;&quot;Nothing,&quot; says he, &quot;is more easy. The inhabitants <a name='Page_54'></a>of both
+hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common
+father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the
+world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it was
+necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been
+overcome!&quot; Pious logician! how does he put all the herd of laborious
+theorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what it has cost them
+volumes to prove they knew nothing about!</p>
+
+<p>From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have
+consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned
+reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however,
+are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has
+actually been peopled (Q.E.D.) to support which we have living proofs in
+the numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has been
+peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors,
+who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been
+eye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this country had a
+variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit
+by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better.
+The question, therefore, I trust, is for ever at rest.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an
+adventurous knight, who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of
+establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry to turn back for
+no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy
+he may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and
+fall to with might and main at those doughty questions and subtle
+paradoxes which, like <a name='Page_55'></a>fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance
+to my history, and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And at
+this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by
+the beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in my
+historic undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall
+have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to
+conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work.</p>
+
+<p>The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first
+discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country without
+first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate
+compensation for their territory?&mdash;a question which has withstood many
+fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of
+kind-hearted folk. And, indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to
+rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they
+inhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied conscience.</p>
+
+<p>The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is
+discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which has
+never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an
+uninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered as
+enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.<a name='FNanchor_19'></a><a href='#Footnote_19'><sup>[19]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that the Europeans who
+first visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing being
+necessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it
+was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point
+of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world
+abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had
+something of the <a name='Page_56'></a>human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible
+sounds, very much like language; in short, had a marvelous resemblance to
+human beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the
+discoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by
+establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this
+point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the Pope and of all
+Christian voyagers and discoverers.</p>
+
+<p>They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian writers arose on the
+other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established,
+that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals,
+detestable monsters, and many of them giants&mdash;which last description of
+vagrants have, since the time of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered
+as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or
+song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to be
+people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous
+custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh.</p>
+
+<p>Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism; among many other
+writers of discernment, Ulla tells us, &quot;their imbecility is so visible
+that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of
+the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally
+insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as
+contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no
+impression on them, and respect as little.&quot; All this is furthermore
+supported by the authority of M. Boggier. &quot;It is not easy,&quot; says he, &quot;to
+describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its
+advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when
+one would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money;
+they answer they are not hungry.&quot; And Vane gas confirms the <a name='Page_57'></a>whole,
+assuring us that &quot;ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being
+thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us&mdash;honor, fame,
+reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions&mdash;are unknown among them. So
+that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good and
+real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy
+mortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason is
+not completed.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlightened states of
+Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as
+having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere
+talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sages
+and philosophers; yet were they clearly proved in the present instance to
+betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human
+character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these
+unhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument, advanced still
+stronger proofs; for as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and
+among the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and have no beards!
+&quot;They have nothing,&quot; says Lullus, &quot;of the reasonable animal, except the
+mask.&quot; And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was
+soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion&mdash;and being of a
+copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes&mdash;and
+negroes are black, &quot;and black,&quot; said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing
+themselves, &quot;is the color of the devil!&quot; Therefore, so far from being able
+to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom&mdash;for liberty
+is too radiant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which
+circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and
+Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they
+infested&mdash;that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless,
+<a name='Page_58'></a>black-seed&mdash;mere wild beasts of the forests and, like them, should either
+be subdued or exterminated.</p>
+
+<p>From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally
+conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this
+fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling
+wilderness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts; and that the
+transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein, by
+the right of discovery.</p>
+
+<p>This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the
+right acquired by cultivation. &quot;The cultivation of the soil,&quot; we are told,
+&quot;is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is
+appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants; but it would be
+incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged
+by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share.
+Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having
+fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by
+rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as
+savage and pernicious beasts.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_20'></a><a href='#Footnote_20'><sup>[20]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture when
+first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly,
+unrighteous life, rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting
+upon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to
+yield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown
+that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured,
+and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country seats, and
+pleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothing
+about&mdash;therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence <a name='Page_59'></a>had
+bestowed on them&mdash;therefore they were careless stewards&mdash;therefore, they
+had no right to the soil&mdash;therefore, they deserved to be exterminated.</p>
+
+<p>It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from
+the land which their simple wants required&mdash;they found plenty of game to
+hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth,
+furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that as
+Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wants
+of man, so long as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven was
+accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the
+blessings around them&mdash;they were so much the more savages for not having
+more wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and it
+is this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires that
+distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having
+more wants, were very unreasonable animals; and it was but just that they
+should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one,
+and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating
+it more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides&mdash;Grotius and Lauterbach,
+and Puffendorf, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered
+the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot
+be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it&mdash;nothing but
+precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can
+establish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never having
+read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these
+necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil,
+but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had
+more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial,
+desires than themselves.</p><a name='Page_60'></a>
+
+<p>In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated country, therefore, the
+new comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid
+doctrine, was their own property&mdash;therefore in opposing them, the savages
+were invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature,
+and counteracting the will of Heaven&mdash;therefore, they were guilty of
+impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case&mdash;therefore, they were hardened
+offenders against God and man&mdash;therefore, they ought to be exterminated.</p>
+
+<p>But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one
+which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be
+blessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired by
+civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor
+savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, what
+is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of
+their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe
+behold their sad condition than they immediately went to work to
+ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy,
+and the other comforts of life&mdash;and it is astonishing to read how soon the
+poor savages learn to estimate those blessings&mdash;they likewise made known
+to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are
+alleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits and
+enjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced among
+them the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By these and a
+variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages
+wonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had
+before been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has most
+wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race
+of beings.</p>
+
+<p>But the most important branch of civilization, <a name='Page_61'></a>and which has most
+strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Roman
+Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight
+that might well inspire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among the
+dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of
+religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober,
+frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but though they acted right
+habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new
+comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and
+practice the true religion&mdash;except, indeed, that of setting them the
+example.</p>
+
+<p>But not withstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was
+the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they
+ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors,
+and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate;
+most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, the advocates of
+Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too
+much for human patience? Would not one suppose that the benign visitants
+from Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their
+stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores, and
+consigned them to their original ignorance and misery? But no: so zealous
+were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these
+pagan infidels that they even proceeded from the milder means of
+persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution&mdash;let
+loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious
+bloodhounds&mdash;purified them by fire and sword, by stake and faggot; in
+consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love
+and charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one fifth of
+the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found there
+at the time of its discovery.</p><a name='Page_62'></a>
+
+<p>What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country than
+this? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted
+with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of which they
+were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and
+smoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, and
+absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the
+vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage
+their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; and
+have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on
+things above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father,
+in a letter to his superior in Spain: &quot;Can any one have the presumption to
+say that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than an
+inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a
+little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a
+glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Here then are three complete and undeniable sources of right established,
+any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the
+newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain
+parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discovery
+has been so strenuously asserted&mdash;the influence of cultivation so
+industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so
+zealously persecuted; that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions,
+oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the
+skirts of great benefits&mdash;the savage aborigines have, somehow or other,
+been utterly annihilated&mdash;and this all at once brings me to a fourth
+right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original
+claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to
+inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as <a name='Page_63'></a>the next immediate
+occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds
+to the clothes of the malefactor&mdash;and as they have Blackstone<a name='FNanchor_21'></a><a href='#Footnote_21'><sup>[21]</sup></a> and all
+the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions
+of ejectment at defiance&mdash;and this last right may be entitled the right by
+extermination, or in other words, the right by gunpowder.</p>
+
+<p>But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to
+settle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI.
+issued a mighty Bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered
+quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese; who, thus having law
+and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal,
+showed the pagan savages neither favor nor affection, but persecuted the
+work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten
+times more fury than ever.</p>
+
+<p>Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly
+entitled to the soil, and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to
+the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far,
+endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains,
+for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and
+heathenish condition; for having made them acquainted with the comforts of
+life; for having introduced among them the light of religion; and,
+finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward!</p>
+
+<p>But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when
+it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this
+question should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case,
+by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers.</p>
+
+<p>Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the <a name='Page_64'></a>moon, by astonishing
+advancement in science, and by profound insight into that ineffable lunar
+philosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the
+feebled optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our
+globe&mdash;let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by these
+means, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviable
+state of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate the
+boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring
+philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the
+stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg
+my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too
+frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave
+speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein
+at present; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may
+deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and
+many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares and
+contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have
+I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were most
+probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon
+discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in
+the air or cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and
+incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigating
+floating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages. We
+have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our
+planet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their
+sea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerial
+vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that
+between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their
+discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations;
+<a name='Page_65'></a>but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my
+reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his
+attentive consideration.</p>
+
+<p>To return, then, to my supposition&mdash;let us suppose that the aerial
+visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to
+ourselves&mdash;that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of
+extermination&mdash;riding on hippogriffs&mdash;defended with impenetrable
+armor&mdash;armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines,
+to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity
+will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and
+consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they
+first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only our
+self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poor
+savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the
+terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly
+convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous,
+powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment the
+lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or
+even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic.</p>
+
+<p>Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet to
+be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wild
+beasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his most
+gracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding however
+that their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, on
+account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our
+worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty
+Bonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their native
+planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian <a name='Page_66'></a>chiefs led about as
+spectacles in the courts of Europe.</p>
+
+<p>Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they
+shall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I can
+conjecture, the following terms:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&quot;Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
+can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
+and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
+thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
+course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
+dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
+monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
+important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
+totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
+everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
+heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms&mdash;have two eyes
+instead of one&mdash;are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
+unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
+pea-green.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the
+utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own
+wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community
+of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers
+of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy
+among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians.
+Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary
+wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to
+introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We
+have treated them to mouthfuls of <a name='Page_67'></a>moonshine, and draughts of nitrous
+oxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the
+females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts
+of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the
+contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the
+profound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable,
+immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these
+wretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and
+adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublime
+doctrines of the moon&mdash;nay, among other abominable heresies they even went
+so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of
+nothing more nor less than green cheese!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very profound
+philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal
+authority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilome his
+holiness the Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying,
+&quot;That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and taken
+possession of a newly-discovered planet called the earth; and that whereas
+it is inhabited by none but a race of two-legged animals that carry their
+heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms; cannot talk the
+Lunatic language; have two eyes instead of one; are destitute of tails,
+and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green&mdash;therefore, and for a
+variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of
+possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title
+to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, the
+colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are
+authorised and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel
+savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and
+absolute Lunatics.&quot;</p><a name='Page_68'></a>
+
+<p>In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic benefactors go to
+work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us
+from our rightful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we are
+unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say,
+&quot;Miserable barbarians! ungrateful wretches! have we not come thousands of
+miles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you with
+moonshine! have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide? does not our
+moon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to murmur, when
+we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits?&quot; But finding that we not
+only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in
+their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property,
+their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior
+powers of argument; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us with
+concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moonstones; until having
+by main force converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit
+us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of
+Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of
+lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened
+savages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable
+forests of the north, or the impenetrable wilderness of South America.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly illustrated, the right
+of the early colonists to the possession of this country; and thus is this
+gigantic question completely vanquished: so having manfully surmounted all
+obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should
+forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a
+manner besieging? But hold: before I proceed another step I must pause to
+take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in
+preparing to begin this most <a name='Page_69'></a>accurate of histories. And in this I do but
+imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a
+start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having
+run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself
+quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his
+leisure.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_19'></a><a href='#FNanchor_19'>[19]</a><div class='note'><p> Grotius: Puffendorf, b. v. c. 4, Vattel, b. i. c. 18, etc.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_20'></a><a href='#FNanchor_20'>[20]</a><div class='note'><p> Vattel, b. i. ch. 17.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_21'></a><a href='#FNanchor_21'>[21]</a><div class='note'><p> Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_II'></a><h2><a name='Page_70'></a><i>BOOK II.</i></h2>
+
+<center>TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS.</center>
+
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, when
+employed to build the large stone church at Rotterdam, which stands about
+three hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, and
+which is so conveniently constructed that all the zealous Christians of
+Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church in
+the city&mdash;my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous
+church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; then
+having purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the best
+Virginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three
+months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months
+more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the trekschuit, from Rotterdam
+to Amsterdam&mdash;to Delft&mdash;to Haerlem&mdash;to Leyden&mdash;to the Hague, knocking his
+head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he
+advance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in full
+sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did
+he spend three months longer in walking round it and round it;
+contemplating it, first from one point of view and then from another&mdash;now
+he would be paddled by it on the canal&mdash;now would he peep at it through a
+telescope, from the other side of the Meuse&mdash;and now would he take a
+bird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of those <a name='Page_71'></a>gigantic windmills
+which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on
+the tiptoe of expectation and impatience&mdash;notwithstanding all the turmoil
+of my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen;
+they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that
+its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he
+had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing
+and paddling, and talking and walking&mdash;having traveled over all Holland,
+and even taken a peep into France and Germany&mdash;having smoked five hundred
+and ninety-nine pipes and three hundredweight of the best Virginia
+tobacco&mdash;my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing and
+industrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's business
+sooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair of
+breeches, he advanced sturdily up, and laid the corner-stone of the
+church, in the presence of the whole multitude&mdash;just at the commencement
+of the thirteenth month.</p>
+
+<p>In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full
+before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history.
+The honest Rotterdammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing
+nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world of
+prefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of the
+ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose that
+all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and final
+settlement of America, were totally irrelevant and superfluous&mdash;and that
+the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced
+than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistaken
+in their conjectures. In consequence of going to work slowly and
+deliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one of the
+most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious <a name='Page_72'></a>edifices in the known
+world&mdash;excepting that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it was
+begun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not afford to finish
+more than the wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to
+finish this work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth,
+I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the
+latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the great
+American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small
+subject&mdash;which nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of
+historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story.</p>
+
+<p>In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the
+five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that &quot;worthy and
+irrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called), Master Henry
+Hudson,&quot; set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon,
+being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-west
+passage to China.</p>
+
+<p>Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a
+seafaring man of renown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter
+Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland,
+which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find
+great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short,
+square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and a
+broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its
+fiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe.</p>
+
+<p>He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's
+cocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking
+up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not
+unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hard
+<a name='Page_73'></a>north-westers which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring.</p>
+
+<p>Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so
+little; and I have been thus particular in his description, for the
+benefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him as
+he was; and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make
+him look like a C&aelig;sar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere.</p>
+
+<p>As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose Master Robert
+Juet, of Limehouse, in England. By some his name has been spelt Chewit,
+and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that
+ever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy; more
+especially as certain of his progeny are living at this day, who write
+their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great
+Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in a
+neighboring pond, when they were little boys; from whence, it is said, the
+commodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is
+that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be a unlucky
+urchin prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows.</p>
+
+<p>He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a rambling, heedless
+varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, meeting with more
+perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more
+wise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he comforted himself
+with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim that &quot;it will be
+all the same thing a hundred years hence.&quot; He was skilled in the art of
+carving anchors and true lovers' knot on the bulk-heads and quarter
+railings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of
+his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making <a name='Page_74'></a>a
+wry face at old Hendrick when his back was turned.</p>
+
+<p>To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning
+this voyage, of which he wrote a history, at the request of the commodore,
+who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having received
+so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of
+Master Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I have
+availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my
+great-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of
+cabin-boy.</p>
+
+<p>From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the
+voyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an
+expedition into my work without making any more of it.</p>
+
+<p>Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil&mdash;the crew, being
+a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but little
+troubled with the disease of thinking&mdash;a malady of the mind, which is the
+sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and
+sour-krout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless
+the wind blew. True it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or
+three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus,
+for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and the
+weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch
+seamen as certain weather-breeders, or prognostics, that the weather would
+change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to that
+ancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at
+night, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by which precaution they had a
+good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning,
+and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark.<a name='Page_75'></a> He
+likewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six
+pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert; and no man
+was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as
+is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances,
+though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquillity of
+the honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; they ate hugely,
+drank profusely, and slept immeasurably; and being under the especial
+guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast of
+America; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and
+on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic
+bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York,
+and which had never before been visited by any European.<a name='FNanchor_22'></a><a href='#Footnote_22'><sup>[22]</sup></a></p>
+<a name='Page_76'></a>
+<p>It has been traditionary in our family that when the great navigator was
+first blessed with a view of this enchanting island, he was observed, for
+the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of
+astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to master Juet, and
+uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of
+the new world&mdash;&quot;See! there!&quot;&mdash;and thereupon, as was always his way when he
+was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke
+that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juet
+was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;It was indeed,&quot; as my great-grandfather used to say, though in truth I
+never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born&mdash;&quot;it
+was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled for ever, in ever
+new and never-ending beauties.&quot; The island of Manna-hata spread wide
+before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of
+industrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above
+another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth; some pointing their
+tapering foliage towards the clouds which were gloriously transparent, and
+others loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing their
+branches to the earth that was covered with flowers. On the gentle
+declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, the
+sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms
+glowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foliage; and here
+and there a curling column of smoke rising from the little glens that
+opened along the shore seemed to <a name='Page_77'></a>promise the weary voyagers a welcome at
+the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entranced
+attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers,
+issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonder
+the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver
+lake, sounded the war-whoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer,
+to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard
+such a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives.</p>
+
+<p>Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the
+latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried currants; how they brought great
+store of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and
+how he was buried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider them
+unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order
+to refresh themselves after their seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor,
+to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is
+said, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck; though we
+are assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by John
+Josselyn, gent., that it was called the Mohegan;<a name='FNanchor_23'></a><a href='#Footnote_23'><sup>[23]</sup></a> and Master Richard
+Bloome, who wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same&mdash;so that I very
+much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be
+this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, little
+doubting but it would turn to be the much-looked-for passage to China!</p>
+
+<p>The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew
+and the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would be
+impertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the
+following dry joke, played off by the old <a name='Page_78'></a>commodore and his schoolfellow
+Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy
+that I cannot refrain from inserting it. &quot;Our master and his mate
+determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey whether they had
+any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave
+them so much wine and acqua vit&aelig; that they were all merrie; and one of
+them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countrey
+women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke,
+which had been aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there,
+and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_24'></a><a href='#Footnote_24'><sup>[24]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives
+were an honest, social race of jolly roysterers, who had no objection to
+a drinking bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodore
+chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his
+cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the
+satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University of
+Leyden&mdash;which done, he proceeded on his voyage with great
+self-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the
+river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow
+and confined, the current more rapid and perfectly fresh&mdash;phenomena not
+uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchman
+prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated
+full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's
+running aground&mdash;whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was but
+little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was
+despatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return,
+confirmed the opinion; upon this the ship was warped off and put about
+with great <a name='Page_79'></a>difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to
+govern; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of my
+great-great-grandfather, returned down the river&mdash;with a prodigious flea
+in his ear!</p>
+
+<p>Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China,
+unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a
+fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was
+received with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who were
+very much rejoiced to see him come back safe&mdash;with their ship; and at a
+large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of
+Amsterdam it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward for
+the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had
+made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and it
+continues to be called Hudson River unto this very day.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_22'></a><a href='#FNanchor_22'>[22]</a><div class='note'><p> True it is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a
+certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is to be
+found a letter written to Francis the First, by one Giovanni, or John
+Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this
+delightful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of
+the enterprising Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the countenance
+of certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter disbelief, and
+that for various good and substantial reasons: First, because on strict
+examination it will be found that the description given by this Verazzani
+applies about as well to the bay of New York as it does to my nightcap.
+Secondly, because that this John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to
+feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of Florence, and everybody knows
+the crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched away
+the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly called
+Columbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo
+Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to rob the
+illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this beauteous island,
+adorned by the city of New York, and placing it beside their usurped
+discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I award my decision in favor of
+the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from
+Holland, being truly and absolutely a Dutch enterprise; and though all the
+proofs in the world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at
+nought as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not
+sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is
+they are degenerate descendants from their venerable Dutch ancestors, and
+totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, therefore, the title of
+Hendrick Hudson to his renowned discovery is fully vindicated.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_23'></a><a href='#FNanchor_23'>[23]</a><div class='note'><p> This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as
+Manhattan&mdash;Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_24'></a><a href='#FNanchor_24'>[24]</a><div class='note'><p> Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet of the
+country they had discovered excited not a little talk and speculation
+among the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted by
+Government to an association of merchants, called the West India Company,
+for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected a
+trading-house called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the
+great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and
+colonizing enterprises which took place; among which was that of Mynheer
+Adrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous
+for its cheese&mdash;and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth
+to this renowned city.</p><a name='Page_80'></a>
+
+<p>It was some three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrick
+that a crew of honest Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city of
+Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history,
+and a great proof of the darkness of the age and the lamentable neglect of
+the noble art of book-making, since so industriously cultivated by knowing
+sea-captains and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interesting
+and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my
+great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled
+to give concerning it&mdash;he having once more embarked for this country, with
+a full determination, as he said, of ending his days here&mdash;and of
+begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the
+land.</p>
+
+<p>The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail was called the
+Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the president of
+the West India Company, who was allowed by everybody, except her husband,
+to be a sweet-tempered lady&mdash;when not in liquor. It was in truth a most
+gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the
+ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model
+their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, it
+had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one
+hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the taffrail. Like the
+beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam,
+it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous catheads, a copper
+bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop.</p>
+
+<p>The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decorating
+the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune or Hercules, which
+heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and
+shipwreck of many a noble <a name='Page_81'></a>vessel, he I say, on the contrary, did laudably
+erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low,
+broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that
+reached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the staunch
+ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the
+great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwise
+engaged, rung a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion.</p>
+
+<p>My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly
+prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St.
+Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to
+common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along
+very nearly as fast with the wind a head as when it was a-poop, and was
+particularly great in a calm; in consequence of which singular advantage
+she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to
+anchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island.</p>
+
+<p>Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at present called the
+Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of
+spreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in
+stupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately dispatched to
+enter into a treaty with them, and, approaching the shore, hailed them
+through a trumpet in the most friendly terms; but so horribly confounded
+were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low
+Dutch language that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered
+over the Bergen Hills: nor did they stop until they had buried themselves,
+head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably
+perished to a man; and their bones being collected and decently covered by
+the Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound called
+Rattlesnake<a name='Page_82'></a> Hill, which rises out of the center of the salt marshes a
+little to the east of the Newark Causeway.</p>
+
+<p>Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in
+triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General; and marching fearlessly
+forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, not withstanding that
+it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and
+pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the
+excellences of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed St.
+Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle their
+colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of
+piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for
+the constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore was
+peculiarly favorable to the building of docks; in a word, this spot
+abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch City.
+On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw,
+they one and all determined that this was the destined end of their
+voyage. Accordingly, they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women and
+children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and
+formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the
+Indian name Communipaw.</p>
+
+<p>As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with Communipaw, it may
+seem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my
+readers will please to recollect, that not withstanding it is my chief
+desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and
+have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of
+centuries yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for this
+invaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh,
+<a name='Page_83'></a>and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct&mdash;sunk and forgotten in
+its own mud&mdash;its inhabitants turned into oysters,<a name='FNanchor_25'></a><a href='#Footnote_25'><sup>[25]</sup></a> and even its
+situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headed
+investigation among indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescue
+from oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whence
+was hatched the mighty city of New York!</p>
+
+<p>Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated among
+rural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known
+in ancient legends by the name of Pavonia,<a name='FNanchor_26'></a><a href='#Footnote_26'><sup>[26]</sup></a> and commands a grand
+prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's
+sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be
+distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well known fact, which I can
+testify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening you
+may hear from the battery of New York the obstreperous peals of
+broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most
+other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly the
+case on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and
+observant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood
+of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to the
+circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on.</p>
+
+<p>These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, engross all the
+knowledge of the place, and, being infinitely more adventurous, and more
+knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, making
+frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk and
+cabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of
+weather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are, moreover, exquisite
+performers <a name='Page_84'></a>on three-stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast the
+far-famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse nor an ox in the place,
+when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears
+the well known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from their
+amazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingers they are regarded
+with as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore when
+initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers.</p>
+
+<p>As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound
+philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads
+about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they live
+in profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anxieties, and
+revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them
+do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from
+tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island; that Spiking-devil and
+the Narrows are the two ends of the world; that the country is still under
+the dominion of their High Mightinesses, and that the city of New York
+still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday
+afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a
+square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent
+pipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug
+of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom they imagine is still
+sweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead.</p>
+
+<p>Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in the
+vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strongholds
+and fastnesses whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have
+retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous
+strictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate
+from father to son&mdash;the identical <a name='Page_85'></a>broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat,
+and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; and
+several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that made
+gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language
+likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations; and so
+critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that his
+reading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the
+filing of a hand-saw.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_25'></a><a href='#FNanchor_25'>[25]</a><div class='note'><p> Men by inaction degenerate into oysters.&mdash;Kaimes.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_26'></a><a href='#FNanchor_26'>[26]</a><div class='note'><p> Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country
+extending from about Hoboken to Amboy.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter
+discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw,
+as being the mother settlement; and having given a faithful picture of it
+as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of
+self-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede
+Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, the
+settlement went jollily on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The
+neighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound
+of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between
+them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and
+the Dutch to long silence; in this particular, therefore, they
+accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches
+about the big bull, the wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others
+would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her;
+whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the
+new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the
+latter in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught them
+the art of making bargains.</p><a name='Page_86'></a>
+
+<p>A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch traders were
+scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight,
+establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of a
+Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true the simple
+Indians were often puzzled by the great disproportion between bulk and
+weight, for let them place a bundle of furs never so large in one scale,
+and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to
+kick the beam; never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two
+pounds in the market of Communipaw!</p>
+
+<p>This is a singular fact; but I have it direct from my
+great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in the
+colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on account of the
+uncommon heaviness of his foot.</p>
+
+<p>The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very
+thriving appearance, and were comprehended under the general title of
+Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their
+great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, which indeed was truly
+remarkable, excepting that the former was rugged and mountainous, and the
+latter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch
+colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain
+Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, Governor of
+Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded
+their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this
+arrogant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted
+for the time, like discreet and reasonable men.</p>
+
+<p>It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of
+Communipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in
+sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that <a name='Page_87'></a>they fell
+to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence; insomuch that they
+quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and
+marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, and
+overhung the fair regions of Pavonia&mdash;so that the terrible Captain Argal
+passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay
+snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In
+commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants have
+continued to smoke almost without intermission unto this very day, which
+is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over
+Communipaw of a clear afternoon.</p>
+
+<p>Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous ancestors took full six
+months to recover their wind, having been exceedingly discomposed by the
+consternation and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of safety
+to smoke over the state of the provinces. At this council presided one
+Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who had originally been one of a set of peripatetic
+philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side
+of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland; enjoying, like Diogenes, a
+free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or
+Lackland) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to
+indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he
+had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita; and he had come out
+to the new world to look after them.</p>
+
+<p>Like all land speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did
+anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had
+previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict
+events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly
+valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of
+antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his
+<a name='Page_88'></a>waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any
+great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same may be
+said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the
+Dreamer.</p>
+
+<p>As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit;
+and he was as much a lackland as ever. Still he carried a high head in the
+community: if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it
+oft with a taller cock's tail; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, he
+puffed it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of a
+hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was
+not a mere ruffle.</p>
+
+<p>The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of
+emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site
+for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St.
+Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom he
+had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he
+bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw.</p>
+
+<p>Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt,
+who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye, because he
+had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was
+anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be
+present at the distribution of &quot;town lots.&quot; But we must not give heed to
+such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthy
+gentlemen engaged in laying out towns and in other land speculations.</p>
+
+<p>This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who chose
+as lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mynheers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus Van
+Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck&mdash;three indubitably great men, but of whose
+history, although I <a name='Page_89'></a>have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little
+previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise;
+for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have
+seldom much celebrity in their own countries; but this much is certain
+that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariably
+composed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot help
+remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great
+families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes
+of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly
+announced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign
+country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being
+kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has
+been occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other
+illustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, has been
+completely discountenanced in this sceptical, matter-of-fact age; and I
+even question whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally and
+unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor
+firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a
+shower of gold, or a river god.</p>
+
+<p>Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I
+should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that
+of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt&mdash;that is to say,
+from the dirt&mdash;gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, the
+Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra or the Earth! This
+supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known
+that all the progeny of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature; and Van
+Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with
+an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van
+Zandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to <a name='Page_90'></a>belief than what is related
+and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest,
+men, who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from a
+dunghill!</p>
+
+<p>Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time,
+which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little
+man; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was
+familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches.</p>
+
+<p>Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular but
+ludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth,
+I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible with
+the gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentleman should
+likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the
+most ignoble part of the dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems to
+have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors,
+in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been
+pronounced &quot;the seat of honor.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, Tin Broeck, has
+been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. The most
+elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or
+rather Thin, Breeches; whence they infer that the original bearer of it
+was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest,
+and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly
+philosophical stanza:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class='poem'><div class='stanza'>
+<span>&quot;Then why should we quarrel for riches,<br /></span>
+<span class='i2'>Or any such glittering toys?<br /></span>
+<span>A light heart and thin pair of breeches<br /></span>
+<span class='i2'>Will go through the world, my brave boys!&quot;<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in favor of the other
+reading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man,
+who, <a name='Page_91'></a>in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to
+introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of
+breeches.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany
+him in this voyage into unknown realms; as to the names of his crews they
+have not been handed down by history.</p>
+
+<p>Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air,
+among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Oloffe had become
+familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine
+when a storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful husband can
+foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about
+his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage, when the skies
+appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's
+rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills; precautions
+taken by our forefathers, even in after times when they became more
+adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or
+any other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappen Zee.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>And now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon the
+rising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his
+blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that
+delicious season of the year when Nature, breaking from the chilling
+thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a
+sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into
+the arms of youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove
+resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they
+sipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the
+joyous epithalamium&mdash;the <a name='Page_92'></a>virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, &quot;the
+voice of the turtle was heard in the land,&quot; and the heart of man dissolved
+away in tenderness. Oh, sweet Theocritus! had I thine oaten reed,
+wherewith thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains; or, oh, gentle
+Bion! thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so
+much delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent
+Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save this
+jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign all
+poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose;
+comforting myself with the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetly
+upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virgin
+modesty, to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of
+truth.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of
+Communipaw than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from
+his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a
+far-resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did
+they trudge resolutely down to the water side, escorted by a multitude of
+relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses
+it, &quot;to see them off.&quot; And this shows the antiquity of those long family
+processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and
+sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting some bevy of country
+cousins about to depart for home in a market-boat.</p>
+
+<p>The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and
+hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a
+tub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now,
+all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the
+beach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of <a name='Page_93'></a>hearing,
+wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care of
+themselves, not to get drowned&mdash;with an abundance of other of those sage
+and invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down to
+the sea in ships, and adventure upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the
+voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay,
+and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia.</p>
+
+<p>And first they touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite
+Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence about
+the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the
+Highlands and made its way to the ocean.<a name='FNanchor_27'></a><a href='#Footnote_27'><sup>[27]</sup></a> For, in this tremendous
+uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land
+were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for
+sixty or seventy miles; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just
+opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while
+others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficient
+proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands
+is exactly similar to that of the Highlands; and moreover, one of our
+philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their
+respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence,
+that Gibbet<a name='Page_94'></a> Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on
+Anthony's nose.<a name='FNanchor_28'></a><a href='#Footnote_28'><sup>[28]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's
+Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries.
+They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted
+much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did
+greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country.</p>
+
+<p>Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by,
+turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element
+in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was
+greatly rejoiced. &quot;This,&quot; exclaimed he, &quot;if I mistake not, augurs
+well&mdash;the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish&mdash;a burgomaster among
+fishes&mdash;his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admire
+this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success
+of our undertaking.&quot; So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the
+track of these alderman fishes.</p>
+
+<p>Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait,
+vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses
+through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van
+Kortlandt had embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in
+a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, who
+had all his life long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of
+canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some
+supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some
+fair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations.</p>
+
+<p>Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous
+point of land since called<a name='Page_95'></a> Corlear's Hook,<a name='FNanchor_29'></a><a href='#Footnote_29'><sup>[29]</sup></a> and leaving to the right
+the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent
+expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was
+exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around
+them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at
+a distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in fishing, who
+seemed more like the genii of this romantic region&mdash;their slender canoe
+lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay.</p>
+
+<p>At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little
+troubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's
+boat was stationed a valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being
+interpreted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage).</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled with
+excessive valor, and although a good half mile distant, he seized a
+musketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most
+intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled,
+and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate
+with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of
+this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with
+consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one
+of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore.</p>
+
+<p>This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of the
+achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay,
+and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present.
+The heart of the good Van Kortlandt&mdash;who, having no land of his own, was a
+great admirer of other people's&mdash;expanded to the full size of a peppercorn
+at the sumptuous prospect <a name='Page_96'></a>of rich unsettled country around him, and
+falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in the
+possession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of
+cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the
+sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this
+land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for
+shore; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of
+Bellevue&mdash;that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of
+the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities.</p>
+
+<p>Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran
+sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of
+the seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided
+for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberate
+powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to be
+done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by
+Christian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the
+great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which
+afterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The
+sturdy Harden Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the
+salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the
+bottom of Kip's Bay, counseled by all means to return thither, and found
+the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten
+Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of
+this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented; this
+much is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, by
+determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious
+porpoises had so clearly pointed out; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches
+abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a
+<a name='Page_97'></a>fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued
+to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day.</p>
+
+<p>By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the
+side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; and
+now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again
+committed themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the western
+shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island.</p>
+
+<p>And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little
+marvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be
+caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would
+wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of
+Manna-hata; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending
+rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves,
+which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borne
+away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much
+discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly
+receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra firma was
+giving them the slip.</p>
+
+<p>Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom
+around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness
+of Nature, who here reveled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now
+bristled like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart
+plants! minions of wealth and fashion!), were then adorned with the
+vigorous natives of the soil&mdash;the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, the
+graceful elm&mdash;while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic
+head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of
+luxury&mdash;villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute
+oft breathes the sighings of some city swain&mdash;there <a name='Page_98'></a>the fish-hawk built
+his solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The
+timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lover's
+moonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage
+solitude extended over those happy regions, where now are reared the
+stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders.</p>
+
+<p>Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, the
+gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which
+strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as
+they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern
+mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like
+an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a
+wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously
+intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each
+other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island,
+dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched the
+pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name
+of Hallet's Cove&mdash;a place infamous in latter days, by reason of its being
+the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and
+water-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging in
+their pleasure boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully
+receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista
+through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, and
+East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly weeded
+country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines
+of upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole the purple
+mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness.</p>
+
+<p>Just before them the grand course of the stream, <a name='Page_99'></a>making a sudden bend,
+wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure that
+seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility
+prevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of
+twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty,
+heightened the charms which it half concealed.</p>
+
+<p>Ah! witching scenes of foul delusion! Ah! hapless voyagers, gazing with
+simple wonder on these Circean shores! Such, alas! are they, poor easy
+souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world; treacherous are its
+smiles, fatal its caresses! He who yields to its enticements launches upon
+a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a
+whirlpool! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little
+mistrusting the guileful sense before them, drifted quietly on, until they
+were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For
+now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to
+boil and foam with horrible fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the
+astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid
+the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful
+consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among
+tumultuous breakers; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they
+were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks! more
+voracious than Scylla and her whelps!); and anon they seemed sinking into
+yawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the
+elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged&mdash;the
+winds howled&mdash;and as they were hurried along several of the astonished
+mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving
+through the air!</p>
+
+<p>At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van<a name='Page_100'></a> Kortlandt was drawn into the
+vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled
+about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew
+were overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the
+revolution.</p>
+
+<p>How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this
+modern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived to
+tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many
+different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions
+on the subject.</p>
+
+<p>As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they
+found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore,
+indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in
+this time of peril; how that he saw specters flying in the air, and heard
+the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were
+whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several
+uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles;
+but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel
+porpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the
+Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan!</p>
+
+<p>These, however, were considered by many as mere phantasies of the
+commodore, while he lay in a trance, especially as he was known to be
+given to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearly
+ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and
+his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this
+marvelous strait&mdash;as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of
+the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle&mdash;how he broils fish there before
+a storm; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of putting
+too much faith. In consequence <a name='Page_101'></a>of all these terrific circumstances, the
+Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it has
+been interpreted, Hell-gate;<a name='FNanchor_30'></a><a href='#Footnote_30'><sup>[30]</sup></a> which it continues to bear at the present
+day.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_27'></a><a href='#FNanchor_27'>[27]</a><div class='note'><p> It is a matter long since established by certain of our
+philosophers, that is to say, having been often advanced and never
+contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact, that
+the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the
+Highlands. In process of time, however, becoming very mighty and
+obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the
+back, by reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and
+after a violent struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to
+pass in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art of
+running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pretend to be
+skilled, not withstanding that I do fully give it my belief.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_28'></a><a href='#FNanchor_28'>[28]</a><div class='note'><p> A promontory in the Highlands.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_29'></a><a href='#FNanchor_29'>[29]</a><div class='note'><p> Properly spelt Hoeck (<i>i.e.</i> a point of land).</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_30'></a><a href='#FNanchor_30'>[30]</a><div class='note'><p> This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six
+miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under the care
+of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirlpools.
+These have received sundry appellations, such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan,
+Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are very violent and turbulent at certain times
+of tide. Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth
+to give the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name
+into Hell-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how they venture into the
+Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are aware of it. The
+name of this strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map of
+Vander Donck's history, published in 1656&mdash;by Ogilvie's History of
+America, 1671&mdash;as also by a journal still extant, written in the sixteenth
+century, and to be found in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS, written
+in French, speaking of various alterations, in names about this city,
+observes, &quot;De Hellegat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate, porte
+d'Enfer.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful
+night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly
+assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the
+hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning
+dawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away, rapids,
+breakers and whirlpools had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth and
+dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back towards the
+quarter where lay their much regretted home.</p>
+
+<p>The woebegone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful
+countenances; their squadrons had been totally dispersed by the late
+disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one
+Ruleff Hopper, they took possession of all <a name='Page_102'></a>the country lying about the
+six-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing.</p>
+
+<p>The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where,
+having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to
+conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern; whence, it is said,
+did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have ever
+since continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they were
+thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts.
+But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling
+overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of his
+nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or
+like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was
+found the next morning busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine.</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remaining
+followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city
+in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that
+they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny
+element, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their
+yesterday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant
+sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia.</p>
+
+<p>Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they
+were encountered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward
+voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar
+against the stream; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score of
+potent billows rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on
+the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay.</p>
+
+<p>Some pretend that these billows were sent by old<a name='Page_103'></a> Neptune to strand the
+expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this
+western world; others, more pious, attribute everything to the
+guardianship of the good St. Nicholas; and after events will be found to
+corroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman.
+Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him; and his first thought
+on finding him once more on dry ground was how he should contrive to
+celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a
+solemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by the
+good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted; but in casting his
+eyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A
+great store of these was instantly collected; a fire was made at the foot
+of a tree; all hands fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, and
+frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be
+the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our
+public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to
+play an important part.</p>
+
+<p>On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be
+particularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher; for having the
+cares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed it
+incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion as
+he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him did
+the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he
+seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And at
+such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more
+truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and
+good fellowship. Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, and
+washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning,
+and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded <a name='Page_104'></a>benevolence.
+Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful; and laying his
+hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closed
+eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he
+exclaimed, in a fat, half-smothered voice, &quot;What a charming prospect!&quot; The
+words died away in his throat&mdash;he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a
+moment&mdash;his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs&mdash;his head drooped upon
+his bosom&mdash;he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole
+gradually over him.</p>
+
+<p>And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream&mdash;and, lo! the good St. Nicholas came
+riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he
+brings his yearly presents to children. And he descended hard by where the
+heroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by
+the fire, and sat himself down and smoked; and as he smoked the smoke from
+his pipe ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud overhead. And
+Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of
+the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of
+country&mdash;and as he considered it more attentively he fancied that the
+great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvelous forms, where in dim
+obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of
+which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled
+off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had
+smoked his pipe he twisted it in his hatband, and laying his finger beside
+his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, then
+mounting his wagon, he returned over the treetops and disappeared.</p>
+
+<p>And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed, and he aroused
+his companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it that it
+was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the
+city here; and that the smoke <a name='Page_105'></a>of the pipe was a type how vast would be
+the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread
+over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to
+this interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning
+to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great
+smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city&mdash;both which
+interpretations have strangely come to pass!</p>
+
+<p>The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus
+happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, where
+they were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a general
+meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related
+the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van
+Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St.
+Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more
+honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a
+most useful citizen, and a right good man&mdash;when he was asleep.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The original name of the island whereon the squadron of Communipaw was
+thus propitiously thrown is a matter of some dispute, and has already
+undergone considerable vitiation&mdash;a melancholy proof of the instability of
+all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; for
+who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of
+mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty!</p>
+
+<p>The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise
+countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan, which is
+said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early
+settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is <a name='Page_106'></a>still done among many tribes.
+&quot;Hence,&quot; as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, and
+flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of
+Philadelphia, &quot;hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to
+the Indians, and afterwards to the island&quot;&mdash;a stupid joke!&mdash;but well
+enough for a governor.</p>
+
+<p>Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject is that
+valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard
+Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called the Manhadaes and Manahanent; nor
+must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that
+authentic historian, John Josselyn, gent., who expressly calls it
+Manadaes.</p>
+
+<p>Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of
+our ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters,
+still extant,<a name='FNanchor_31'></a><a href='#Footnote_31'><sup>[31]</sup></a> which passed between the early governors and their
+neighboring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes,
+Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of
+the same name; for our wise forefathers set little store by those
+niceties, either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and
+ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This
+last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who
+was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its
+uncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm that the bay was once
+a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of
+which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and
+flowers, but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these
+blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of
+Ontario.</p>
+
+<p>These, however, are very fabulous legends, to <a name='Page_107'></a>which very cautious
+credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last quoted
+orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which
+I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and
+significant&mdash;and which we have on the authority of Master Juet, who, in
+his account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata&mdash;that
+is to say, the island of manna&mdash;or, in other words, a land flowing with
+milk and honey.</p>
+
+<p>Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the
+worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken
+bout, held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made
+certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their
+lives; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave the
+place the name of Mannahattanink&mdash;that is to say, the Island of Jolly
+Topers&mdash;a name which it continues to merit to the present day.<a name='FNanchor_32'></a><a href='#Footnote_32'><sup>[32]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_31'></a><a href='#FNanchor_31'>[31]</a><div class='note'><p> Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_32'></a><a href='#FNanchor_32'>[32]</a><div class='note'><p> MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New
+York Historical Society.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removed
+from the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata,
+everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer,
+and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day was
+appointed for the grand migration, and on that day little Communipaw as in
+a buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarming time. Houses were turned
+inside out, and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come from
+Holland; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman,
+and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the water
+side, like lines of ants from an ant-hill; <a name='Page_108'></a>everybody laden with some
+article of household furniture; while busy housewifes plied backwards and
+forwards along the lines, helping everything forward by the nimbleness of
+their tongues.</p>
+
+<p>By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds of
+household articles; ponderous tables; chests of drawers, resplendent with
+brass ornaments, quaint corner cupboards; beds and bedsteads; with any
+quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat
+embarked a whole family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats and
+dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the
+Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard
+on the leading boat.</p>
+
+<p>This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long
+cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously
+observed among the &quot;sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw,&quot; by turning their
+houses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in
+emblem of the swarming of the parent hive; and this is the real origin of
+the universal agitation and &quot;moving&quot; by which this most restless of cities
+is literally turned out of doors on every May-day.</p>
+
+<p>As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores of
+Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, appeared to
+oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for
+chastising this insolence with the powder and ball, according to the
+approved mode of discoverers; but the sage Oloffe gave them the
+significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and
+winking hard with one eye; whereupon his followers perceived that there
+was something sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in the
+blandest terms, and made such tempting display of beads, hawks's bells,
+and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land
+speculation ensued. And here let me <a name='Page_109'></a>give the true story of the original
+purchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been
+said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was, but sixty guilders.
+The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition<a name='FNanchor_33'></a><a href='#Footnote_33'><sup>[33]</sup></a> that the Dutch
+discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock would
+cover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's
+finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the
+Indians into the bargain This, however, is an old fable which the worthy
+Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe
+Van Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover with
+his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friend
+Mynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used in
+measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments
+had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared with
+astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher
+peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the
+land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city.</p>
+
+<p>This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the Island of
+Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders; and in corroboration of it I will
+add that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable
+occasion, was elevated to the office of land measurer; which he ever
+afterwards exercised in the colony.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_33'></a><a href='#FNanchor_33'>[33]</a><div class='note'><p> MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical
+Society.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3><a name='Page_110'></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very
+unusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of the
+honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading house were
+forthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St.
+Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer; and which, as has
+already been observed, was the identical place at present known as the
+Bowling Green.</p>
+
+<p>Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, with tiled roofs
+and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for
+protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of
+the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong
+palisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outside
+of these extended the corn-fields and cabbage-gardens of the community,
+with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation; all covering those
+tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street,
+and Pearl Street, I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out the
+land a goodly &quot;bowerie&quot; or farm was allotted to the sage Oloffe, in
+consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent
+at dreaming; and the site of his &quot;bowerie&quot; is known by the name of
+Kortlandt (or Cortland) Street to the present day.</p>
+
+<p>And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it was
+thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it
+had gone by the original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will have
+it, &quot;The Manhattoes;&quot; but this was now decried as savage and heathenish,
+and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally
+possessed it. Many were the <a name='Page_111'></a>consultations held upon the subject without
+coming to a conclusion, for though everybody condemned the old name,
+nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost in
+despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head,
+proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took
+everybody by surprise; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. The
+name was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was
+thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province
+continued to call it by the general appelation of &quot;The Manhattoes,&quot; and
+the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata; but those are
+a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in matters
+of this kind.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the next was to give it
+an armorial bearing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, others
+a soaring eagle; emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying
+qualities of the inhabitants: so after mature deliberation a sleek beaver
+was emblazoned on the city standard as indicative of the amphibious origin
+and patient persevering habits of the New Amsterdamers.</p>
+
+<p>The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon
+made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be
+built; but at the very first consultation on the subject a violent
+discussion arose; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the first
+altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a
+breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between
+those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Ten Broeck and Harden Broeck, ever
+since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Harden
+Broeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which
+embraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along the
+gulf of Kip's Bay, and <a name='Page_112'></a>from part of which his descendants have been
+expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the
+Schermerhornes.</p>
+
+<p>An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Harden Broeck, who
+proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the
+manner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeck
+was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they should
+run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the
+river, on which the town should be built. &quot;By these means,&quot; said he,
+triumphantly, &quot;shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from
+these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice,
+or any amphibious city in Europe.&quot; To this proposition Harden Broeck (or
+Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly
+assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as
+being preposterous, and against the very order of things, as he would
+leave to every true Hollander. &quot;For what,&quot; said he, &quot;is a town without
+canals?&mdash;it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for
+want of a free circulation of the vital fluid.&quot;&mdash;Ten Breeches, on the
+contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of
+an arid, dry-boded habit; he remarked, that as to the circulation of the
+blood being necessary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living
+contradiction to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not a
+drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten
+years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony.
+Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; nor
+have I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity.
+At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy
+in sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up
+the last <a name='Page_113'></a>word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had the
+advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that
+invaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had,
+therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom&mdash;so that
+though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and
+battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough
+Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as
+is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without
+coming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for ever
+after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and
+Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough
+Breeches.</p>
+
+<p>I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my
+duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, in
+truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a
+young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since
+contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be
+too minute in detailing their first causes.</p>
+
+<p>After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that
+anything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The
+council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met
+regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, either
+they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were
+naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent
+exercise of the brains&mdash;certain it is, the most profound silence was
+maintained&mdash;the question, as usual, lay on the table&mdash;the members quietly
+smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, and
+in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on&mdash;as it pleased God.</p>
+
+<p>As most of the council were but little skilled in <a name='Page_114'></a>the mystery of
+combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to
+puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The
+secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable
+precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; the
+journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that
+&quot;the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the
+colony.&quot; By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate
+their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure
+distances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, as
+a pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those
+accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out
+of order.</p>
+
+<p>In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze,
+and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what
+manner they should construct their infant settlement; meanwhile the town
+took care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which is suffered to run
+about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by
+which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the
+children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude, that
+before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan it was too late
+to put it in execution&mdash;whereupon they wisely abandoned the subject
+altogether.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back, through the
+long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realms
+of antiquity. Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive a
+thousand charms from their very obscurity, and the fancy delights to fill
+up their outlines with graces and excellences of its own <a name='Page_115'></a>creation. Thus
+loom on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet New
+Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores and
+willows, and surrounded by trackless forests and wide-spreading waters,
+that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world.</p>
+
+<p>In those days did this embryo city present the rare and noble spectacle of
+a community governed without laws; and thus being left to its own course,
+and the fostering care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it
+had been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws usually
+heaped on the backs of young cities&mdash;in order to make them grow. And in
+this particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of human
+nature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow
+legislators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many
+of my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a
+piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be; and as far as I have
+observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about
+as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his
+ears that it is his duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse.
+The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyranny
+of law, and the perpetual interference of officious morality, which are
+ever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to &quot;keep to the
+right, as the law directs;&quot; and like a spirited urchin, he turns directly
+contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches,
+merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings.
+And these opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above said of
+our worthy ancestors; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and
+guided and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their more
+enlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves <a name='Page_116'></a>honestly and
+peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words&mdash;because they knew no
+better.</p>
+
+<p>Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infant
+settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that,
+like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they had
+first served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, and
+provided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifying
+their gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting
+care in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built a
+fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his
+name; whereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under his
+peculiar patronage, and he has even since been, and I devoutly hope will
+ever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city.</p>
+
+<p>At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiously
+observed in all our ancient families of the right breed, of hanging up a
+stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas Eve; which stocking is always
+found in the morning miraculously filled; for the good St. Nicholas has
+ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children.</p>
+
+<p>I am moreover told that there is a little legendary book somewhere extant,
+written in Low Dutch, which says that the image of this renowned saint,
+which whilom graced the bow-sprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in
+front of this chapel, in the center of what in modern days is called the
+Bowling Green&mdash;on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to
+Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further treats of divers miracles
+wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth; a whiff of
+which was a sovereign cure for an indigestion&mdash;an invaluable relic in this
+colony of brave trenchermen. As however, in spite of the most diligent
+search, I cannot lay my hands upon this little <a name='Page_117'></a>book, I must confess that
+I entertain considerable doubt on the subject.</p>
+
+<p>Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the infant city thrived
+apace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about the
+unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins
+and bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, while
+here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian
+wigwams whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in the
+transparent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, existed between these
+wandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolent
+forefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameliorate their situation,
+by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries;
+for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friendship
+for their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men to
+trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain.</p>
+
+<p>Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make
+their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted
+and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an
+air of listless indifference&mdash;sometimes in the marketplace, instructing
+the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow&mdash;at other times,
+inflamed with liquor, swaggering, and whooping, and yelling about the town
+like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who would
+hurry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw water
+upon the enemy from the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here that
+our forefathers were very particular in holding up these wild men as
+excellent domestic examples&mdash;and for reasons that may be gathered from the
+history of Master Ogilby, who tells us that &quot;for the least offence the
+bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries
+<a name='Page_118'></a>another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife.&quot; Whether
+this awful example had any influence or not history does not mention; but
+it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and
+obedience.</p>
+
+<p>True it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and their
+savage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heard
+my grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the
+history of these parts, tell a long story of a winter's evening, about a
+battle between the New-Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by
+the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in a
+dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley.</p>
+
+<p>The legend of this sylvan war was long current among the nurses, old
+wives, and other ancient chroniclers of the place; but time and
+improvement have almost obliterated both the tradition and the scene of
+battle; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the center of
+this populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street.</p>
+
+<p>I know not whether it was to this &quot;Peach War,&quot; and the acquisitions of
+Indian land which may have grown out of it, that we may ascribe the first
+seeds of the spirit of &quot;annexation&quot; which now began to manifest
+themselves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers had been confined
+to the lovely island of Manna-hata; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and
+Hell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the <i>ne plus
+ultra</i> of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War however, a
+restless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdammers, who began to
+cast wistful looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors; for
+somehow or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes of
+settlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Dreamer
+encouraged these notions; having, as has been shown, <a name='Page_119'></a>the inherent spirit
+of a land speculator, which had been wonderfully quickened and expanded
+since he had become a landholder. Many of the common people, who had never
+before owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the town
+lots which had fallen to their shares; others who had snug farms and
+tobacco plantations found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began to
+question the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended to
+hold&mdash;while the good Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreign
+conquest and great patroonships in the wilderness.</p>
+
+<p>The result of these dreams were certain exploring expeditions sent forth
+in various directions to &quot;sow the seeds of empire,&quot; as it was said. The
+earliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator
+famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it was
+quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass covered
+with a bit of tarpaulin, with which he could spy up the crookedest river,
+quite to its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as
+land measurer, in case of any dispute with the Indians.</p>
+
+<p>What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions? In a little while
+we find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, established
+far to the south on Delaware River; another called Fort Goed Hoop (or Good
+Hope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut River; and another called
+Fort Aurania (now Albany) away up the Hudson River; while the boundaries
+of the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, far
+into the regions of Terra Incognita.</p>
+
+<p>Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little province
+brought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory we
+shall treat at large in the after pages of this eventful history;
+sufficient for the present is it to say, that the swelling importance of
+the Nieuw Nederlandts <a name='Page_120'></a>awakened the attention of the mother country, who,
+finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take that
+interest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations.</p>
+
+<p>But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New Amsterdam I will here
+put an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of the
+maternal policy of the mother country in my next.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_III'></a><h2><a name='Page_121'></a><i>BOOK III.</i></h2>
+
+<center>IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER.</center>
+
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the task of the feeling
+historian who writes the history of his native land. If it fell to his lot
+to be the recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with
+his tears&mdash;nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era without
+a melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever! I
+know not whether it be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity of
+former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart incident to all
+sentimental historians, but I candidly confess that I cannot look back on
+the happier days of our city, which I now describe, without great
+dejection of spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of
+oblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and as
+their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mighty
+shades.</p>
+
+<p>Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of the
+Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the
+portraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust like the forms they
+represent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those
+renowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady march of
+existence&mdash;whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins,
+flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall
+soon be stopped for ever!</p><a name='Page_122'></a>
+
+<p>These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the mighty men who
+flourished in the days of the patriarchs: but who, alas! have long since
+smouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly and
+irresistibly hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose myself in
+melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once
+more into existence, their countenances to assume the animation of
+life&mdash;their eyes to pursue me in every movement! Carried away by the
+delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of
+the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity!
+Ah, hapless Diedrich! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the
+buffetings of fortune&mdash;a stranger and weary pilgrim in thy native
+land&mdash;blest with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children; but
+doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by
+foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held
+sovereign empire!</p>
+
+<p>Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting
+recollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on
+the virtuous days of the patriarchs&mdash;on those sweet days of simplicity and
+ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata.</p>
+
+<p>These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growing
+wealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are to
+involve it in all kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed at
+the close of my last book, they had awakened the attention of the mother
+country. The usual mark of protection shown by mother countries to wealthy
+colonies was forthwith manifested; a governor being sent out to rule over
+the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. The
+arrival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffe
+the Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose <a name='Page_123'></a>during
+his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landed
+estate on the banks of the Hudson, having virtually forfeited all right to
+his ancient appellation of Kortlandt, or Lackland.</p>
+
+<p>It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was
+appointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlands, under the
+commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General
+of the United Netherlands and the privileged West India Company.</p>
+
+<p>This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month of
+June, the sweetest month in all the year; when Dan Apollo seems to dance
+up the transparent firmament&mdash;when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand
+other wanton songsters make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and
+the luxurious little boblicon revels among the clover blossoms of the
+meadows&mdash;all which happy coincidence persuaded the old dames of New
+Amsterdam who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this was
+to be a happy and prosperous administration.</p>
+
+<p>The renowned Wouter, or Walter, Van Twiller was descended from a long line
+of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and
+grown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had empowered
+themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety that they were never
+either heard or talked of&mdash;which, next to being universally applauded,
+should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There are
+two opposite ways by which some men make a figure in the world; one by
+talking faster than they think, and the other by holding their tongues and
+not thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires the reputation
+of a man of quick parts; by the other many a dunderpate, like the owl, the
+stupidest of birds, comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This,
+by the way, is a casual <a name='Page_124'></a>remark, which I would not for the universe have
+it thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. It is true he was a man shut
+up within himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke except in
+monosyllables; but then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. So
+invincible was his gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even to
+smile, through the whole course of a long and prosperous life. Nay, if a
+joke were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a
+roar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. Sometimes
+he would deign to inquire into the matter, and when, after much
+explanation, the joke was made as plain as a pike-staff, he would continue
+to smoke his pipe in silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, would
+exclaim, &quot;Well! I see nothing in all that to laugh about.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>With all his reflective habits he never made up his mind on a subject. His
+adherents accounted for this by the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. He
+conceived every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room in his
+head to turn it over and examine both sides of it. Certain it is that if
+any matter were propounded to him, on which ordinary mortals would rashly
+determine at first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, shake
+his capacious head, smoke some time in profound silence, and at length
+observe that &quot;he had his doubts about the matter;&quot; which gained him the
+reputation of a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What is
+more, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit of the mind has been
+attributed his surname of Twiller, which is said to be a corruption of the
+original Twijfler, or, in plain English, Doubter.</p>
+
+<p>The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned,
+as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary,
+as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six
+inches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head <a name='Page_125'></a>was
+a perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature,
+with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck
+capable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, and
+settled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders.
+His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wisely
+ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, and
+very averse to the idle labor of walking.</p>
+
+<p>His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to
+sustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beer
+barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a
+vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigure
+the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes
+twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy
+firmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of
+everything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked
+with dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple.</p>
+
+<p>His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated
+meals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight
+hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was
+the renowned Wouter Van Twiller&mdash;a true philosopher, for his mind was
+either elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares and
+perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feeling
+the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it round
+the sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curling
+from his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any of
+those numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed his
+brain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere.</p>
+
+<p>In his council he presided with great state and <a name='Page_126'></a>solemnity. He sat in a
+huge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague,
+fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously carved
+about the arms and feet into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws.
+Instead of a scepter he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin
+and amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, at the
+conclusion of a treaty, with one of the petty Barbary Powers. In this
+stately chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe would he smoke,
+shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye for
+hours together upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a black
+frame against the opposite wall of the council chamber. Nay, it has even
+been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length and
+intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for
+full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by external
+objects&mdash;and at such times the internal commotion of his mind was evinced
+by certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were
+merely the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and opinions.</p>
+
+<p>It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to collect these
+biographical anecdotes of the great man under consideration. The facts
+respecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them so
+questionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the
+search after many, and decline the admission of still more, which would
+have tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait.</p>
+
+<p>I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits of
+Wouter Van Twiller, from the consideration that he was not only the first,
+but also the best governor, that ever presided over this ancient and
+respectable province; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that I
+do not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any offender
+being brought to punishment&mdash;a most indubitable <a name='Page_127'></a>sign of a merciful
+governor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of the
+illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller
+was a lineal descendant.</p>
+
+<p>The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was
+distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presage
+of a wise and equitable administration. The morning after he had been
+installed in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfast
+from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and Indian pudding, he
+was interrupted by the appearance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important
+old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent
+Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts,
+seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle.
+Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words;
+he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or being disturbed
+at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle
+Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shoveled a spoonful of
+Indian pudding into his mouth&mdash;either as a sign that he relished the dish
+or comprehended the story&mdash;he called unto his constable, and pulling out
+of his breeches proper a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the
+defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant.</p>
+
+<p>This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal
+ring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The two
+parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts,
+written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a High
+Dutch commentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage
+Wouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands,
+and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a
+very great doubt, and <a name='Page_128'></a>smoked for half an hour without saying a word; at
+length, laying his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for a
+moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the
+tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of
+tobacco smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solemnity pronounced&mdash;that
+having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was
+found that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other&mdash;therefore, it
+was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally
+balanced&mdash;therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent
+should give Wandle a receipt&mdash;and the constable should pay the costs.</p>
+
+<p>This decision being straightway made known, diffused general joy
+throughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they
+had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its
+happiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout the
+whole of his administration&mdash;and the office of constable fell into such
+decay, that there was not one of those losel scouts known in the province
+for many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction,
+not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments on
+record, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but because
+it was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being the
+only time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course of
+his life.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In treating of the early governors of the province I must caution my
+readers against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, with
+those worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in this
+enlightened republic&mdash;a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are in
+fact the <a name='Page_129'></a>most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed to
+bear the secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and the
+sneers and revilings of the whole world beside&mdash;set up, like geese at
+Christmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and
+vagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed that
+uncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of distant colonies or
+territories. They were in a manner absolute despots in their little
+domains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and
+accountable to none but the mother-country; which, it is well known, is
+astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they
+discharge the main duty of their station&mdash;squeezing out a good revenue.
+This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seized
+with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentic
+history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting
+with independence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude.</p>
+
+<p>To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, a
+board of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over the
+police. This potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiff, with powers
+between those of the present mayor and sheriff&mdash;five burgermeesters, who
+were equivalent to aldermen, and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs,
+sub-devils, or bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner as
+do assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day; it being
+their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt the
+markets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge such
+other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was,
+moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they
+should consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of the
+burgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily <a name='Page_130'></a>at all their jokes; but
+this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at
+present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of
+a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful
+effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes.</p>
+
+<p>In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say &quot;yes&quot; and
+&quot;no&quot; at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of
+the public kitchen&mdash;being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and
+smoke, at all those snug junketing and public gormandisings, for which the
+ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The
+post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly
+coveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a huge
+relish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a small
+way&mdash;who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the
+terror of the almshouse and the bridewell&mdash;that shall enable them to lord
+it over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and
+hunger-driven dishonesty&mdash;that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack
+of catshpolls and bumbailiffs&mdash;tenfold greater rogues than the culprits
+they hunt down! My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess
+is unbecoming of a grave historian; but I have a mortal antipathy to
+catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men.</p>
+
+<p>The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of the
+present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than in
+prerogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were
+generally chosen by weight&mdash;and not only the weight of the body, but
+likewise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in all
+honest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat;
+and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is in
+some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the <a name='Page_131'></a>mind is moulded to
+the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been
+insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their
+peculiar study; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes,
+&quot;there is a constant relation between the moral character of all
+intelligent creatures, and their physical constitution&mdash;between their
+habits and the structure of their bodies.&quot; Thus we see that a lean, spare,
+diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling
+mind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion; or
+else the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it
+continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the
+uneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldly
+periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at
+ease; and we may alway observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghers
+are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort; being great
+enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance&mdash;and surely none are more
+likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of
+their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together
+in turbulent mobs! No&mdash;no&mdash;it is your lean, hungry men who are continually
+worrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears.</p>
+
+<p>The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to by
+philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls&mdash;one
+immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and
+regulate the body; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible
+passions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart; a
+third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its
+propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the
+divine soul by its ravenous howlings. Now, according to this excellent
+theory, what can be more clear, than that your <a name='Page_132'></a>fat alderman is most
+likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is
+like a huge spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass of soft
+brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a
+feather-bed; and the eyes which are the windows of the bedchamber, are
+usually half-closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by external
+objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance,
+is manifestly most like to perform its functions with regularly and ease.
+By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which is
+confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts the
+irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion,
+and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely
+pacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest,
+good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue,
+slily peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding this Cerberus
+asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday
+suits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm&mdash;disposing their possessor to
+laughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards his
+fellow-mortals.</p>
+
+<p>As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but very
+little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite
+opinions; and, as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner,
+they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the
+administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and
+therefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court of
+justice except in the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which I
+can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor
+culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the
+present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the
+alderman are the best fed men in the <a name='Page_133'></a>community; feasting lustily on the
+fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles,
+that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the
+form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I
+have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet
+equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their
+transactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony; and the profound laws
+which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion,
+are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced when
+awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed
+mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at
+hand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, meddling
+candidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief
+put a greyhound to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox-wagon.</p>
+
+<p>The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen by
+weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attend
+upon them, and help them eat; but the latter, in the course of time, when
+they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsiness
+of brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs,
+having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a
+comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New England
+cheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took place
+between the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be
+the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for
+hours smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word to
+interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under
+the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, the
+infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps
+<a name='Page_134'></a>and forests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and country
+customary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the
+city of Washington; that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious an
+appearance on paper.</p>
+
+<p>It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest burgher, like
+a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed
+house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow.
+Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft
+southern breeze and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of
+his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his
+swine; that combination of farmyard melody, which may truly be said to
+have a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of
+profitable marketing.</p>
+
+<p>The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous
+city, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented
+in the primitive days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the
+shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of
+accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce,
+were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in
+the highways&mdash;the bleating sheep and frolicksome calves sported about the
+verdant ridge, where now the Broadway loungers take their morning
+stroll&mdash;the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now
+are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of
+money-brokers&mdash;and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields,
+where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling
+echo with the wranglings of the mob.</p>
+
+<p>In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property
+prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility
+and heart-burnings of repining poverty&mdash;and <a name='Page_135'></a>what in my mind is still more
+conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of
+intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New
+Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those
+honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by the
+gross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for
+public employ, and especially promoted to city honors; your keen
+intellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I
+know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as
+the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings; whereas, for
+my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that
+prevails, that embroils communities more than anything else; and I have
+remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody
+else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New
+Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls&mdash;the very words
+of learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of&mdash;a bright
+genius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady would have been
+regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man in
+fact seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than
+an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his
+own; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read in
+the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with a
+cross.</p>
+
+<p>Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh! existing in all the
+security of harmless insignificance&mdash;unnoticed and unenvied by the world,
+without ambition, without vain-glory, without riches, without learning,
+and all their train of carking cares; and as of yore, in the better days
+of man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural
+<a name='Page_136'></a>habitations, so we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, the
+good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of
+a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the treetops, or over the roofs
+of houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his
+breeches pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites.
+Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows us the
+light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year;
+when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs,
+confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degeneracy
+of the parents.</p>
+
+<p>Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The
+province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweet
+tranquillity that wealth could never purchase. There were neither public
+commotions, nor private quarrels; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms;
+neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments; nor were there
+counsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to what
+little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he
+pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody
+meddled with concerns above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose into
+other people's affairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct and
+reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of
+others; but in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not
+hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the
+sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were sleepy or not; all
+which tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I am
+told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching
+her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace&mdash;this
+superabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of
+life, <a name='Page_137'></a>according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that &quot;more than enough
+constitutes a feast.&quot; Everything, therefore, went on exactly as it should
+do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare
+of a country, &quot;the profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughout
+the province.&quot;</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened <i>literati</i> who
+turn over the pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful of
+the yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam with
+untried valor, like a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain fresh
+from under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be
+satisfied with nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters; they
+must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, springing mines,
+marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page,
+and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial,
+but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are little given to the
+marvelous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions of
+prodigies, unheard of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, and
+all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary line
+of possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are of
+a lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times, as they do over
+the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocent
+amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes,
+Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogues of
+hideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and
+flavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of more
+<a name='Page_138'></a>philosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time,
+to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradual
+changes in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, the
+vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation.</p>
+
+<p>If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solace
+themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to
+exert their patience for a while, and bear with the tedious picture of
+happiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historian
+obliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can possibly
+alight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hard
+but I will make it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I turn
+with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or,
+if possible, women after my own heart; grave, philosophical, and
+investigating; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a start from first
+causes, and so haunting a nation down, through all the mazes of innovation
+and improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first
+development of the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners and
+customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of Van
+Twiller, or the Doubter.</p>
+
+<p>I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely the
+increase and improvement of New Amsterdam. Their own imaginations will
+doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and
+persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors&mdash;they will
+behold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the stately
+Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from the
+tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden; and from the skulking
+Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture to
+themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of <a name='Page_139'></a>prosperity,
+incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat
+government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry.</p>
+
+<p>The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being
+able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, the cows,
+in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and
+as they went to and from pasture, established paths through the bushes, on
+each side of which the good folks built their houses; which is one cause
+of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish
+certain streets of New York at this very day.</p>
+
+<p>The houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood,
+excepting the gable end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks,
+and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants,
+were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best
+leg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doors
+and small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiously
+designated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof was
+perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important
+secret which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops
+of our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could have
+a wind to his mind;&mdash;the most staunch and loyal citizens, however, always
+went according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house,
+which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employed
+every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter.</p>
+
+<p>In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanliness
+was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of
+an able housewife&mdash;a character which formed the utmost ambition of our
+unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except <a name='Page_140'></a>on
+marriages, funerals, new year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or
+some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker,
+curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of a
+lion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal, that it was
+oft-times worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. The
+whole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the discipline
+of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes; and the good housewives of those
+days were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to be
+dabbling in water&mdash;insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us,
+that many of his townswomen grew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck;
+and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into,
+would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this I look upon to be a
+mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation.</p>
+
+<p>The grand parlor was the <i>sanctum sanctorum</i>, where the passion for
+cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was
+permitted to enter excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, who
+visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning,
+and putting things to rights; always taking the precaution of leaving
+their shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet.
+After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which was
+curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom;
+after washing the windows, rubbing and polishing the furniture, and
+putting a bunch of evergreens in the fireplace&mdash;the window shutters were
+again closed to keep out the flies, and the room carefully locked up until
+the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day.</p>
+
+<p>As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally
+lived in the kitchen. To <a name='Page_141'></a>have seen a numerous household assembled round
+the fire, one would have imagined that he was transported back to those
+happy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginations
+like golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude,
+where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, black and
+white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege,
+and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in
+perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking into the fire with half-shut
+eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw, on the
+opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn or
+knitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth,
+listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who was
+the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of a
+chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of
+incredible stories about New England witches, grisly ghosts, horses
+without heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among the
+Indians.</p>
+
+<p>In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn,
+dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a
+private meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestable signs of
+disapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a
+neighbor on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thus
+singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of
+intimacy by occasional banquettings, called tea-parties.</p>
+
+<p>These fashionable parties were generally confined to the higher classes,
+or noblesse: that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove their
+own waggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went
+away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashionable hours
+were a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before <a name='Page_142'></a>dark. The
+tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of
+fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The
+company being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with a
+fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this
+mighty dish&mdash;in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea,
+or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced
+with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears;
+but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened
+dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks&mdash;a delicious
+kind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, except in genuine
+Dutch families.</p>
+
+<p>The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, ornamented with
+paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs,
+with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry
+other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by
+their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle,
+which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat
+merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laid
+beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with great
+decorum; until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic old
+lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by a
+string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth&mdash;an
+ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany,
+but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen Flatbush, and
+all our uncontaminated Dutch villages.</p>
+
+<p>At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity of
+deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting&mdash;no gambling of old
+ladies, nor <a name='Page_143'></a>hoyden chattering and romping of young ones&mdash;no
+self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their
+pockets&mdash;nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements of smart young
+gentlemen with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated
+themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own
+woollen stockings; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say &quot;<i>yah
+Mynheer</i>,&quot; or &quot;<i>yah ya Vrouw</i>,&quot; to any question that was asked them;
+behaving, in all things, like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the
+gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in
+contemplation of the blue and white tiles with which the fireplaces were
+decorated; wherein sundry passages of Scripture were piously
+portrayed&mdash;Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage, Haman swung
+conspicuously on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out
+of the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire.</p>
+
+<p>The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. They were
+carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles
+nature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to
+keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their
+respective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door;
+which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect
+simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor
+should it at the present. If our great-grandfathers approved of the
+custom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to
+say a word against it.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3><a name='Page_144'></a>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island of
+Manna-hata presented a scene the very counterpart of those glowing
+pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before
+observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its
+inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little
+understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the
+female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and
+grey-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves
+with incredible sobriety and comeliness.</p>
+
+<p>Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously
+pomatomed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a
+little cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Their
+petticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous
+dyes&mdash;though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short,
+scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, which
+generally equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes; and what is
+still more praiseworthy, they were all of their own manufacture&mdash;of which
+circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain.</p>
+
+<p>These were the honest days, in which every woman stayed at home, read the
+Bible, and wore pockets&mdash;ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned with
+patchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the
+outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good
+housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at
+hand, by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed; and I
+remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of
+Wouter Van Twiller <a name='Page_145'></a>once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search
+of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and
+the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner; but we
+must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those
+remote periods being very subject to exaggeration.</p>
+
+<p>Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pincushions
+suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or among the more opulent and
+showy classes by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens of
+thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in
+vindication of the shortness of the petticoats; it doubtless was
+introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen,
+which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks; or
+perhaps to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat though serviceable
+foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendid
+silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the
+same disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order
+to betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery.</p>
+
+<p>From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers
+differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their
+scantily-dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those
+times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would
+have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less
+admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, the
+greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the
+magnitude of its object; and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen
+petticoats, was declared by a low Dutch sonneteer of the province to be
+radiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it
+is that in those day the heart of a lover could not contain more than one
+lady at <a name='Page_146'></a>a time, whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room
+enough to accommodate half a dozen; the reason of which I conclude to be,
+that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons
+of the ladies smaller; this, however, is a question for physiologists to
+determine.</p>
+
+<p>But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, no doubt, entered
+into the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was
+in those days her only fortune; and she who had a good stock of petticoats
+and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamschatka damsel with
+a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The
+ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions
+to the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead of
+being adorned with caricatures of Dame Nature, in water-colors and
+needlework, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments,
+the manufacture and the property of the females; a piece of laudable
+ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages.</p>
+
+<p>The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in
+these ancient times, corresponded in most particulars with the beauteous
+damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their
+merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a
+modern fair; they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems,
+for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did they
+distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their
+consequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too
+pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul
+throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did
+they establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailors
+for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the
+tranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen <a name='Page_147'></a>were unknown in New
+Amsterdam; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and
+family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller himself thought it no
+disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins.</p>
+
+<p>Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the
+first dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor in
+contempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine,
+squandered what little money they could procure at hustle cap and chuck
+farthing; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbor's horses;
+in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the
+town, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an
+affair of honor with a whipping post.</p>
+
+<p>Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days; his
+dress, which served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room,
+was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the
+mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large
+brass buttons&mdash;half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his
+figure&mdash;his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles&mdash;a low
+crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage, and his hair
+dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of sulskin.</p>
+
+<p>Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiege
+some fair damsel's obdurate heart&mdash;not such a pipe, good reader, as that
+which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delf
+manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With this
+would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely
+failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender
+upon honorable terms.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van<a name='Page_148'></a> Twiller, celebrated in many a long
+forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but
+counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holy
+calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe in
+peace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils
+were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron
+of snowy white without being insulted by ribald street walkers or vagabond
+boys&mdash;those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying under
+the roses of youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was that the
+lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score,
+indulged in all the innocent endearments of virtuous love without fear and
+without reproach; for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by a
+shield of good linsey-woolsey, equal at least to the seven bull-hides of
+the invincible Ajax?</p>
+
+<p>Ah! blissful and never to be forgotten age! when everything was better
+than it has ever been since, or ever will be again&mdash;when Buttermilk
+Channel was quite dry at low water&mdash;when the shad in the Hudson were all
+salmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness,
+instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her
+sickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate
+city!</p>
+
+<p>Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it always have existed in
+this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity; but, alas! the days
+of childhood are too sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them in
+time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and
+miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself when he beholds the
+child of his bosom, or the city of his birth, increasing in magnitude and
+importance, let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of the
+one, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata convince him of the
+calamities of the other.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3><a name='Page_149'></a>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It has already been mentioned that, in the early times of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, called Fort Aurania, had been
+established on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of
+the present venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered at the
+very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, with
+which, for a long time, New Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now and
+then the &quot;Company's Yacht,&quot; as it was called, was sent to the Fort with
+supplies, and to bring away the peltries which had been purchased of the
+Indians. It was like an expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, and
+always made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an adventurous burgher
+would accompany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends;
+but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on
+the Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's Dane
+Kammer, and of all the other wonders and perils with which the river
+abounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurous
+inhabitants from following his xample.</p>
+
+<p>Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and his
+burgermeesters were smoking and pondering over the affairs of the
+province, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they
+beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay; it was unquestionably of
+Dutch build, broad-brimmed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of their
+High Mightinesses at the masthead.</p>
+
+<p>After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger stepped on shore, a
+lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, with a meager face, furnished
+with hug mustachios. He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and an
+insufferably tall hat, with <a name='Page_150'></a>a cocktail feather. Such was the patroon
+Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from Holland to found a colony or
+patroonship on a great tract of wild land, granted to him by their Hight
+Mightinesses the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the Hudson.</p>
+
+<p>Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine day's wonder in New Amsterdam, for he
+carried a high head, looked down upon the portly, short-legged
+burgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the governor himself; boasting
+that he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States General.</p>
+
+<p>He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam merely to beat up recruits
+for his colony. Few, however, ventured to enlist for those remote and
+savage regions; and when they embarked, their friends took leave of them
+as if they should never see them more; and stood gazing with tearful eyes
+as the stout, round-sterned little vessel ploughed and splashed its way up
+the Hudson, with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to
+get out of sight of the city.</p>
+
+<p>And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Manhattoes of the
+growing importance of this new colony. Every account represented Killian
+Van Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon in
+the land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship of
+Rensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for
+several miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the mountainous
+region of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separate
+jurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>All these assumptions of authority were duly reported to Governor Van
+Twiller and his council, by dispatches from Fort Aurania, at each new
+report the governor and his counsellors looked at each other, raised their
+eyebrows, gave an extra puff or <a name='Page_151'></a>two of smoke, and then relapsed into
+their usually tranquillity.</p>
+
+<p>At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaerwick had extended his
+usurpations along the river, beyond the limits granted him by their High
+Mightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in the
+Hudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or Bear's Island, where he was
+erecting a fortress, to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen.</p>
+
+<p>Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting with
+his burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick,
+demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, which lay beyond
+the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van Rensellaer was in
+his own lordly style, &quot;By <i>wapen recht!</i>&quot; that is to say, by the right of
+arms, or in common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthy
+Wouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of his
+administration. In the meantime, while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian
+went on to finish his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee I
+shall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventful
+history.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and four, on a fine
+afternoon in the glowing month of September, I took my customary walk upon
+the battery, which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient and
+impregnable city of New York. The ground on which is I trod was hallowed
+by recollections of the past, and as I slowly wandered through the long
+alley of poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on end,
+diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my imagination drew a contrast
+between the surrounding scenery, <a name='Page_152'></a>and what it was in the classic days of
+our forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the customhouse
+by occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pillars, there
+whilom stood the low, but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdam
+frowned defiance to every absent foe; but, like many a whiskered warrior
+and gallant militia captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone.
+The mud breastworks had long been leveled with the earth, and their site
+converted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the battery, where the
+gay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic,
+relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale of
+love into the half averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. The
+capacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studded
+with islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores of
+picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shores
+had been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled
+mazes and impenetrable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards, and
+waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling garden
+appertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered with
+fortifications, inclosing a tremendous block house; so that this once
+peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat,
+breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world!</p>
+
+<p>For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of thought, contrasting in
+sober sadness the present day with the hallowed years behind the
+mountains, lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising
+the zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavor to preserve the wrecks of
+venerable customs, prejudices, and errors, from the overwhelming tide of
+modern innovation; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and I
+<a name='Page_153'></a>insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me.</p>
+
+<p>It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven particularly bestows
+upon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity; not a floating
+cloud obscured the azure firmament; the sun rolling in glorious splendor
+through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenance
+into an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his evening
+salutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous
+beams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute attention,
+lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the waveless
+bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheld
+herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice
+handkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag-staff which
+forms the handle of a gigantic churn; and even the tremulous leaves of the
+poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything
+seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidable
+eighteen-pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries,
+seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country
+on the next fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot
+to call the garrison to the shovels; the evening gun had not yet sounded
+its signal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the country
+to go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Island
+and Communipaw slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters
+to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My
+own feelings sympathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I should
+infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which our
+benevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescent
+loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all
+repose at defiance.</p><a name='Page_154'></a>
+
+<p>In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a
+black speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergen
+steeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities of
+Jersey, Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are starting on
+the course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement of
+the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its
+wide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto
+and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for the
+embarrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud
+rolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse,
+and bearing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The earth seems
+agitated at the confusion of the heavens&mdash;the late waveless mirror is
+lashed into furious waves, that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore&mdash;the
+oyster boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island,
+now hurry affrighted to the land&mdash;the poplar writhes and twists, and
+whistles in the blast&mdash;torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail deluge
+the battery walks&mdash;the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids,
+and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs over their hats,
+scampering from the storm&mdash;the late beauteous prospect presents one scene
+of anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, and
+was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Nature.</p>
+
+<p>Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained bodly at my post,
+as our gallant train-band captains, who march their soldiers through the
+rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the
+reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the
+reason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of
+my work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance.
+The panorama <a name='Page_155'></a>view of the battery was given to gratify the reader with a
+correct description of that celebrated place, and the parts adjacent;
+secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and life
+to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from
+falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous
+times which are about to assail the pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the
+French-horns, the kettle drums, and trumpets of his orchestra, in
+requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars
+called melodrames; and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his
+lightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost,
+or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history.</p>
+
+<p>Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the contrary, I am of opinion
+that, as to nations, the old maxim, that &quot;honesty is the best policy,&quot; is
+a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in the
+honest times when it was made; but, in these degenerate days, if a nation
+pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare
+something like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found his
+honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the
+case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands; which, like a
+worthy, unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the city
+of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortable
+nap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked
+his pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of
+this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil
+security, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of its
+government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history
+towards the end of a <a name='Page_156'></a>chapter; and as my readers, like myself, must
+doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, and
+the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a
+pipe, and having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new
+chapter.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>That my readers may the more fully comprehend the extent of the calamity
+at this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of
+Nieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I should
+give some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering upon the
+eastern frontier.</p>
+
+<p>Now so it came to pass that, many years previous to the time of which we
+are treating, the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain national
+creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in
+which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care to
+pay the toll-gatherers by the way.</p>
+
+<p>Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge
+their own opinions on all manner of subjects (a propensity exceedingly
+offensive to your free governments of Europe), did most presumptuously
+dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they
+considered a natural and unextinguishable right-the liberty of conscience.</p>
+
+<p>As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which always
+thinks aloud&mdash;which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is for ever
+galloping into other people's ears&mdash;it naturally followed that their
+liberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which being
+freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious
+indignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church.</p><a name='Page_157'></a>
+
+<p>The usual methods were adopted, to reclaim them, which in those days were
+considered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that is
+to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they
+were buffeted&mdash;line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here
+a little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and without
+success; until worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by their
+unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercy
+to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to &quot;heap live embers on their
+heads.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which has
+ever distinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject that
+heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the
+wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of
+talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this
+free-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such a
+clamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beast
+out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish,
+that they have been called dumb-fish ever since.</p>
+
+<p>This may appear marvelous, but it is nevertheless true; in proof of which
+I would observe, that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of
+superstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every true
+Yankee.</p>
+
+<p>The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strange
+folk in utter astonishment, but discovering that they wielded harmless,
+though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race of
+men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of
+Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifies
+silent men&mdash;a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar
+epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day.</p><a name='Page_158'></a>
+
+<p>True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass over
+the fact, that having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of
+persecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had become
+masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of
+thinking in matters of religion; but, to their great surprise and
+indignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were
+springing up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of speech.
+This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience,
+which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as one
+pleased in matters of religion, provided one thought right; for otherwise
+it would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, the
+majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequently
+followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong: and
+whoever thought wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being convinced
+and converted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of
+conscience, and a corrupt and infestious member of the body politic, and
+deserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of all
+which was a fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers.</p>
+
+<p>Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift up
+their hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which we
+contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the
+preposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, and
+establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerant
+persecution. But, in simple truth, what are we doing at this very day, and
+in this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principle
+in our political controversies? Have we not, within but a few years,
+released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied
+us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full <a name='Page_159'></a>latitude that
+invaluable member, the tongue? and are we not at this very moment striving
+our best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the
+fortunes of one another? What are our great political societies but mere
+political inquisitions&mdash;our pot-house committees but little tribunals of
+denunciation&mdash;our newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where
+unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs&mdash;and our council of
+appointment but a grand auto-da-fe, where culprits are annually sacrificed
+for their political heresies?</p>
+
+<p>Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those
+you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There is
+none; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, instead
+of banishing&mdash;we libel, instead of scourging&mdash;we turn out of office,
+instead of hanging&mdash;and where they burnt an offender in proper person, we
+either tar and feather, or burn him in effigy&mdash;this political persecution
+being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and an
+incontrovertible proof that this is a free country!</p>
+
+<p>But not withstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was
+prosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that the
+population of this new colony was in anywise hindered thereby; on the
+contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man
+unacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country.</p>
+
+<p>This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular custom
+prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling&mdash;a
+superstitious rite observed by the young people of both sexes, with which
+they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with
+religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This
+ceremony was likewise, in those <a name='Page_160'></a>primitive times, considered as an
+indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing where
+ours usually finish; by which means they acquired that intimate
+acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has
+been pronounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus
+early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of making
+a bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict adherence
+to the good old vulgar maxim about &quot;buying a pig in a poke.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the
+unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race: for it is a certain
+fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that
+wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing number
+of sturdy brats annually born unto the state, without the license of the
+law or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth
+operate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew up
+a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen,
+and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts,
+tended marvelously toward peopling those notable tracts of country called
+Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account of
+the origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastward
+of the Nieuw Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiar
+habits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutch
+ancestors.</p>
+
+<p>The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity with which,
+like the sons of<a name='Page_161'></a> Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and
+which continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to
+place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration,
+tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people to
+enjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may be
+considered the wandering Arab of America.</p>
+
+<p>His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, is to settle himself
+in the world&mdash;which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles.
+To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress,
+passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock-tortoiseshell combs,
+with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the
+mystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a heavy knapsack,
+wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he
+literally sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, household
+furniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his own
+and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin; which done, he shoulders
+his axe, takes his staff in hand, whistles &quot;Yankee doodle,&quot; and trudges
+off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, and
+relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a patriarch of
+yore, when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having
+buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away
+a corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon his labors, is
+soon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed
+urchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of the
+earth like a crop of toadstools.</p>
+
+<p>But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to rest
+contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment; improvement is his
+darling passion, and having thus improved his lands, the <a name='Page_162'></a>next care is to
+provide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of
+pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, large
+enough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions,
+but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of the
+ague.</p>
+
+<p>By the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed, either the
+funds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barely
+manages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrow
+together, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of
+pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with
+fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remaining
+unpainted, grows venerably black with time; the family wardrobe is laid
+under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to stuff into
+the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and
+howling about this aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as they
+did of yore in the cave of old &AElig;olius.</p>
+
+<p>The humble log hut which whilom nestled this improving family snugly
+within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in ignominious
+contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig-sty; and the whole scene
+reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been
+recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, which
+he had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the empty
+shell of a lobster, where he would no doubt have resided with great style
+and splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in the
+neighborhood, had he not perished with cold in one corner of his
+stupendous mansion.</p>
+
+<p>Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, &quot;to rights,&quot; one
+would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation,
+to read newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own <a name='Page_163'></a>business, and attend
+to the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen; but now
+it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon grows
+tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement&mdash;sells
+his farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart,
+shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wanders
+away in search of new lands&mdash;again to fell trees&mdash;again to clear
+corn-fields&mdash;again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off and
+wander.</p>
+
+<p>Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the eastern
+frontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my readers may easily imagine what
+uncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have
+been to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they
+have ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it
+hath pleased Heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a French
+boarding-house? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on
+the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping of
+fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children; he cannot
+sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses to
+serenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution on
+the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can he
+leave the street door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavory
+visits of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome
+ravages into the <i>sanctum sanctorum</i>, the parlor.</p>
+
+<p>If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, so
+situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed
+by their mercurial neighbors of Connecticut.</p>
+
+<p>Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New-Netherland
+settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their
+unparalleled volubility, and their intolerable inquisitiveness&mdash;two <a name='Page_164'></a>evil
+habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; for
+our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and
+who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own.
+Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending
+burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses,
+which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the
+modern right of search on the high seas.</p>
+
+<p>Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling and
+successes among the divine sex, for being a race of brisk, likely,
+pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the
+simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous
+customs, they attempted to introduce among them that bundling, which the
+Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and
+foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to
+follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and
+better acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced all
+such outlandish innovations.</p>
+
+<p>But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk
+was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in
+hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling
+themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the
+manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession
+of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the
+appellation of squatters, a name odious in the ears of all great
+landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize
+upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it
+afterward.</p><a name='Page_165'></a>
+
+<p>All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating,
+tended to form that dark and portentious cloud which, as I observed in a
+former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New
+Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be
+perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to
+their immortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this
+increasing mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by dint of
+carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry it
+without difficulty when he had grown to be an ox.</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have
+undertaken&mdash;exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had
+lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally
+forgotten; raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and
+endeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to
+their original form and connection; now lugging forth the character of an
+almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue: now deciphering a
+half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript,
+which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal.</p>
+
+<p>In such cases how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity
+of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him
+some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity,
+or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, that
+it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with
+which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had
+to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the <a name='Page_166'></a>works of my
+fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts
+respecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province of
+New Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to
+compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of
+fable, with this authentic history.</p>
+
+<p>I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in those parts of my
+history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in any
+other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested those
+quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlands no mercy in
+their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares
+that &quot;the Dutch were always mere intruders.&quot; Now, to this I shall make no
+other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which
+will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession
+in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully
+dispossessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandalously
+maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historians
+of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and
+impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame; for I would not wittingly
+dishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice,
+though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England.</p>
+
+<p>I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history that the
+territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to the
+Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had
+been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort
+Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It
+was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some
+historians will have it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class
+famous <a name='Page_167'></a>for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the
+limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs.
+He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent,
+that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the
+Giant Killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were
+sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot.</p>
+
+<p>But not withstanding the erection of this fort, and the appointment of
+this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the
+interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity
+to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop.</p>
+
+<p>The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these
+unwarrantable encroachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of
+inspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest to
+the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of
+the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all,
+to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went
+to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity,
+that greatly animated his adherents, and, no doubt, struck sore dismay and
+affright into the hearts of the enemy.</p>
+
+<p>Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller, full of years and honors, and council dinners, had reached the
+period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver,
+entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He
+employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an assemblage of sages
+equally enlightened, and nearly as venerable, as himself, and who, for
+their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness
+to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by
+certain profound corporations which I <a name='Page_168'></a>have known in my time. Upon reading
+the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, His Excellency
+fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to
+encounter; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest; he closed
+his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great
+attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, and which all
+who knew him declared to be the huge courthouse or council chamber of his
+thoughts, forming to his head what the House of Representatives does to
+the Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore,
+occasionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation was
+never known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman or
+child. In the meantime, the protect of Van Curlet lay quietly on the
+table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled
+in council; and, in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant
+Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon as
+completely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency
+swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of
+Congress.</p>
+
+<p>There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sage
+deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an
+ounce of hair-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious
+discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present; for while the
+renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his
+resolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed
+farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable
+appearance in the neighborhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded
+the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called,
+Weathersfield&mdash;a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that
+worthy historian, John Josselyn, gent., &quot;hath been infamous by reason of
+the witches <a name='Page_169'></a>therein.&quot; And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that
+they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is
+illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop,
+insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter
+without tears in their eyes.</p>
+
+<p>This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant
+Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of this
+choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent
+in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated.
+He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his
+breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row
+of abattis; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his
+perilous situation.</p>
+
+<p>The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily little man, as
+being less liable to be worn out or to lose leather on the journey; and,
+to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon horse in the
+garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness
+of trot; and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb on
+his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he
+make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month,
+though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and
+twenty miles.</p>
+
+<p>With an appearance of great hurry and business, and smoking a short
+traveling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanes
+of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the little
+Dutch children were making in the road, and for which kind of pastry the
+children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's
+house, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed doorkeeper,
+old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative,
+the venerable crier of our court, <a name='Page_170'></a>was nodding at his post, rattled at the
+door of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing
+over a plan for establishing a public market.</p>
+
+<p>At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was
+heard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the same
+instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from
+the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep
+sleep for the good of the community, and according to custom, in all such
+cases established, every man bawled out &quot;Silence!&quot; when, of a sudden, the
+door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased
+to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the
+sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous
+dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his
+galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of
+descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and,
+with more hurry than perspicuity, delivered his message. But, fortunately,
+his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most
+tranquil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just breathed and smoked
+his last; his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his
+peaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from his
+tobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often
+slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and
+Wilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_IV'></a><h2><a name='Page_171'></a><i>BOOK IV.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.</center>
+
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his description of the
+plague that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assures the
+reader that the history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious and
+pathetic; and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which a
+good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a
+favorite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable variety.</p>
+
+<p>In like manner did my heart leap within me when I came to the dolorous
+dilemma of Fort Good Hope, which I at once perceived to be the forerunner
+of a series of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the true
+subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of
+Newgate Calendar&mdash;a register of the crimes and miseries that man has
+inflicted on his fellow-men? It is a huge libel on human nature to which
+we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were
+building up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy, of our
+species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has
+written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation
+of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers,
+conquerors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and the
+stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind&mdash;warriors,
+who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not <a name='Page_172'></a>from motives of
+virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenseless, but merely
+to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring
+their fellow-beings! What are the great events that constitute a glorious
+era? The fall of empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendid
+cities smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art tumbled in the
+dust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven!</p>
+
+<p>It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries of
+mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten
+on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock
+navigation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed
+canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies,
+wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food for
+the historian.</p>
+
+<p>It is a source of great delight to the philosophers, in studying the
+wonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of
+things&mdash;how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most
+noxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms
+of flies which are so often execrated as useless vermin are created for
+the sustenance of spiders; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently
+made to devour flies. So those heroes who have been such scourges to the
+world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and historian,
+while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements
+of heroes!</p>
+
+<p>These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up
+my pen to commence the reign of William Kieft; for now the stream of our
+history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to
+depart, for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a
+turbulent and rugged scene.</p>
+
+<p>As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover field, dozing and
+chewing the cud, will bear <a name='Page_173'></a>repeated blows before it raises itself, so the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of
+the Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader
+will now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towards
+a state of war; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum,
+with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end
+foremost.</p>
+
+<p>Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, to borrow a
+favorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists, was of a
+lofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient town
+of Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious
+investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was
+one reason why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name,
+according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver;
+that is to say, a wrangler or scolder; and expressed the characteristic of
+his family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of
+Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any
+ten families in the place; and so truly did he inherit this family
+peculiarity that he had not been a year in the government of the province
+before he was universally denominated William the Testy. His appearance
+answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman,
+such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a
+broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of
+his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but his
+features were sharp; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red, by two
+fiery little gray eyes, his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouth
+turned down pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog.</p>
+
+<p>I have heard it observed by a profound adept in <a name='Page_174'></a>human physiology that if
+a woman waxes fat with the progress of years her tenure of life is
+somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she lives
+for ever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew
+tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through the
+process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt
+like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils
+and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the
+gallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made
+captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty
+in ancient saws and apophthegms, which he was wont to parade in his public
+harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his <i>spolia opima</i>. Of
+metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the
+bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas,
+and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident
+fact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got into
+an argument without getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion
+with his adversary for not being convinced gratis.</p>
+
+<p>He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the
+sciences, was fond of experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon
+inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, or
+country seat, at a short distance from the city, just at what is now
+called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity; patent
+smoke jacks that required a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roasted
+meat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathercocks that
+turned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances that
+astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with
+paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; and
+the yelling and yelping of the latter <a name='Page_175'></a>unhappy victims of science, while
+aiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of
+&quot;Dog's Misery,&quot; by which it continues to be known even at the present day.</p>
+
+<p>It is in knowledge as in swimming, he who flounders and splashes on the
+surface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl diver
+who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast
+acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple
+burghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the place as learned a man as
+a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet; and
+was unanimously pronounced a &quot;universal genius!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp; but, to speak my mind
+freely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth
+his weight in straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plain
+common sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or
+invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William
+the Testy aided him in the affairs of government.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff of
+fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to
+make them a speech on the state of affairs.</p>
+
+<p>Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace,
+modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft,
+not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical
+organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; in
+other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose; a
+preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators.</p><a name='Page_176'></a>
+
+<p>He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness
+of the high post to which he had been appointed, which made some of the
+simple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point
+of etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon office without
+declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in a
+manner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, and
+of the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the wars
+of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires
+which the worthy burghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after
+the manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he came
+by a natural roundabout transition to the matter in hand, namely, the
+daring aggressions of the Yankees.</p>
+
+<p>As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate has of handling
+his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the
+talk all on his own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy did
+not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called &quot;a
+taste of his quality.&quot; In speaking of their inroads into the territories
+of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls, who desolated
+Rome; the Goths and Vandals, who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but
+when he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they at
+Weathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed
+Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage
+started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerent
+look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument potent in
+its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from the
+land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his
+broad-skirted <a name='Page_177'></a>coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an
+instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table.</p>
+
+<p>The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife
+does at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in question
+had a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and from a broad
+red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a
+buckwheat pancake. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention.
+The document in question was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees to
+depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under
+pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punishments in such case made
+and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument
+that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated; pledging his valor as a governor that,
+once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two months
+drive every mother's son of them across the borders.</p>
+
+<p>The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for some
+time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of
+the governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation.</p>
+
+<p>As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to the
+frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small clothes, and,
+mounting a tall, raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of
+Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of
+state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but from
+the honored wife of his bosom, who was one of that class of females, sent
+upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of
+mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact,
+my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was
+a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal
+at more than half the <a name='Page_178'></a>tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like many
+other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years; and this was,
+that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that
+ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither
+laid down in Aristotle or Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of a
+pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government.
+An absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days,
+was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about
+the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on
+record.</p>
+
+<p>The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his
+particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points
+of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to
+which he submitted through choice; adding, at the same time, a profound
+maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that &quot;he who would aspire
+to govern should first learn to obey.&quot;</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still
+better, a more economical measure devised than this of defeating the
+Yankees by proclamation&mdash;an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane,
+there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding; but then, there
+was one chance to ten that it would not succeed. As the ill-natured Fates
+would have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation was
+perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and
+well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the
+Yankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated
+<a name='Page_179'></a>it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose,
+and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end&mdash;a fate
+which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors.</p>
+
+<p>So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued their
+encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche river, and
+founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have
+already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus
+Van Curlet and his garrison, but now these moss troopers increased in
+their atrocities, kidnaping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes
+grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could
+scarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh, or
+taken in in bargaining; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee pedlar
+would penetrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives
+with tinware and wooden bowls.<a name='FNanchor_34'></a><a href='#Footnote_34'><sup>[34]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>I am well aware of the perils which environ me <a name='Page_180'></a>in this part of my
+history. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among the
+mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of
+wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in
+meddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his
+ears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee
+race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of
+certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such
+a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough
+hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their
+stings.</p>
+
+<p>Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament&mdash;not my
+misfortune in giving offence&mdash;but the wrong-headed perverseness of an
+ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their
+ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I
+would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recording
+the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of the
+honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be
+bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth,
+now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go
+farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we
+impartial historians are sent into the world&mdash;to redress wrongs, and
+render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful
+nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner or
+later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in
+return.</p>
+
+<p>Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll warrant it,
+while they were harassing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and driving its unhappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian would
+ever arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am but
+performing <a name='Page_181'></a>my bounden duty as a historian in avenging the wrongs of our
+reverend ancestors, I shall make no further apology; and, indeed, when it
+is considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my
+power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I
+conduct myself with great humanity and moderation.</p>
+
+<p>It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that his
+much-vaunted war measure was ineffectual; on the contrary, he flew in a
+passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that though slow in operating,
+yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of those
+invaders. When convinced at length of the truth, like a shrewd physician,
+he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of the
+medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a
+second proclamation more vehement than the first, forbidding all
+intercourse with these Yankee intruders; ordering the Dutch burghers on
+the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple
+sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish them
+with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout.</p>
+
+<p>Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as little
+regarded as the first, and the non-intercourse was especially set at
+nought by the young folks of both sexes.</p>
+
+<p>At length one day inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious
+barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld to their surprise the whole
+garrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and way-worn,
+with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy
+intelligence of the capture of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees.</p>
+
+<p>The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to all
+military commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine; nor was
+it undermined, nor bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot <a name='Page_182'></a>shot, but was
+taken by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which can never
+fail of success whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice.</p>
+
+<p>It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison of
+Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one-eighth by the death of two
+of his most corpulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fat
+salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was immediately
+set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habits
+of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners and
+smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noonstide of a sultry summer's
+day, and surprised them in the midst of their slumbers.</p>
+
+<p>In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and the
+Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by way of a
+spread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fisted
+Yankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck,
+conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the
+crupper, as Charles XII dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at the
+battle of Narva; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in consideration
+of his official dignity.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_34'></a><a href='#FNanchor_34'>[34]</a><div class='note'><p> The following cases in point appear in Hazard's &quot;Collection
+of State Papers:&quot;&mdash;&quot;In the meantime, they of Hartford have not onely
+usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although uprighteously and
+against the lawes of nations, but have hindered our nation in sowing
+theire own purchased broken-up lands, but have also sowed them with corne
+in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe;
+and have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the honored companie,
+which were labouring upon theire masters' lands, from theire lands, with
+sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and, among the rest,
+struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his head with a stick, so
+that the bloode ran downe very strongly downe upon his body.&quot;
+</p><p>
+&quot;Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored companie,
+under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde grass, when they had
+not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg for 5s. if the
+commissioners would have given 5s. for damage; which the commissioners
+denied, because noe man's own hogg (as men used to say), can trespass upon
+his owne master's grounde.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Language cannot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing of
+the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too
+great for words, or rather the words were too great for him (being a very
+small man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, nine-cornered Dutch
+oaths and epithets which crowded at one into his gullet. At length his
+words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge,
+anathematising <a name='Page_183'></a>the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven,
+schobbejacken, deugenieten, twist-zoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken,
+kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately for
+posterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he would
+have nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling, guessing,
+questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses-daubing,
+shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-peddling
+crew&mdash;that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would
+dirty his hands by attempting to drive them away; in proof of which he
+ordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter
+quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency
+now fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared that the conquerors
+of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march on
+to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province to
+Connecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw
+Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans, insomuch that
+the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to
+frighten their unruly children.</p>
+
+<p>Everybody clamored round the governor, imploring him to put the city in a
+complete posture of defence, and he listened to their clamors. Nobody
+could accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any
+other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little
+purpose. When a youngling he had been impressed with the words of Solomon,
+&quot;Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise,&quot; in
+conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn;
+hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or wherefore, busying himself
+about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and
+toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was
+moving a mountain.<a name='Page_184'></a> In the present instance he called in all his inventive
+powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, making
+diagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at his
+heels. At length, after a world of consultation and contrivance, his plans
+of defence ended in rearing a great flag-staff in the center of the fort,
+and perching a windmill on each bastion.</p>
+
+<p>These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm,
+especially after an additional means of securing the safety of the city
+had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in
+this most authentic history that in the domestic establishment of William
+the Testy &quot;the grey mare was the better horse;&quot; in other words, that his
+wife &quot;ruled the roast,&quot; and, in governing the governor, governed the
+province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government.</p>
+
+<p>Now it came to pass that this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly,
+robustious trumpeter, named Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind;
+and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument
+that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the
+Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose.</p>
+
+<p>This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant,
+burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little bowery, or
+retreat in the country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances to
+the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that
+he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is
+said to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair
+sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate.<a name='FNanchor_35'></a><a href='#Footnote_35'><sup>[35]</sup></a></p>
+<a name='Page_185'></a>
+<p>To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time
+of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plans
+of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held
+at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided: and this
+lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result
+of these councils was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the post
+of commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's
+heart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with
+delight, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twanging
+defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the
+principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands
+of Anthony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent as
+the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto;
+nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns
+celebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jericho
+fell down.</p>
+
+<p>Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the east
+gradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, they
+declared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected
+within their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, they
+continued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenances
+imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade
+with the Netherlands as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the
+windward of them in a bargain.</p>
+
+<p>The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the governor's lady
+attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the
+military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Anthony
+the Trumpeter.</p><a name='Page_186'></a>
+
+<p>There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who sneered at the
+governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind;
+but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills; he had seen
+them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam; and was
+persuaded they were connected with the great science of defence; nay, so
+much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he
+introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day,
+quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento
+of his policy.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the
+Manhattoes, skilful in expounding signs and mysteries, after events have
+come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into the
+escutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the
+beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would
+be elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee, and patient industry
+overtopped by windy speculation.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_35'></a><a href='#FNanchor_35'>[35]</a><div class='note'><p> The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists;
+but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays excepting on
+sleighing parties, by the descendants of the patriarchs, who still
+preserve the traditions of the city.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down
+the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those
+humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we
+find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious to
+preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments
+of country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever
+proposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck; whereby, in
+case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up&mdash;and there the
+matter ended.</p>
+
+<p>The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one
+trifling alteration in the <a name='Page_187'></a>judicial code; and legal matters were so clear
+and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of
+employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to
+litigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that
+they make scarce any figure in history; it being only your litigatous,
+quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world.</p>
+
+<p>I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the
+internal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him had
+he in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon the
+precaution of the good Charondas; or had he looked nearer home at the
+protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed
+without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy,
+meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the
+true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He
+accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments
+for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by
+ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the
+sequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances,
+too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without
+the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap.</p>
+
+<p>In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent; a
+class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were
+instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to
+abound, and the community was soon set together by the ears.</p>
+
+<p>Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession
+of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order.
+Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy
+gentlemen, the knights-errant <a name='Page_188'></a>of modern days, who go about redressing
+wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre,
+nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing
+good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my
+ink-bottle for ever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the
+dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the
+contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter
+days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant
+Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry; who, under its
+auspices, commit flagrant wrongs; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and
+chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are
+engendered.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of
+gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty,
+vexatious, and disgraceful suits were it not for the herds of
+pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more
+ignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in
+itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in
+medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to
+augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifogger
+exhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack
+is for ever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with
+infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after
+prone to embroil himself with his neighbors, and impoverish himself with
+successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I
+have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool and
+unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent
+city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having been
+nearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me; <a name='Page_189'></a>and my ruin
+having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor.</p>
+
+<p>To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral
+offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more
+strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the
+root of all evil, and determined to cut it up root and branch, and
+extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his
+travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices
+posted up in country towns, that &quot;any vagrant found begging there would be
+put in the stocks,&quot; and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in
+these neighborhoods; having doubtless thrown off their rags and their
+poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to
+improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine of his own
+invention was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less
+than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction,
+far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment
+of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so
+renowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the
+culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerable
+custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling
+between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time, to the infinite
+entertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually
+attend exhibitions of the kind.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, vagrants, and beggars
+and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way. As to those
+who had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant
+misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood
+convicted of large debts which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had
+them straightway enclosed within the stone walls <a name='Page_190'></a>of a prison, there to
+remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient,
+however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under William the
+Testy than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poor
+devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew.</p>
+
+<h5>END OF VOLUME I.</h5>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='KNICKERBOCKERS'></a><h2><a name='Page_191'></a>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK. <br /> VOLUME II.</h2>
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VOLII_INTRODUCTION'></a><h2><a name='Page_193'></a><a name='Page_192'></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>The playful devices by which attention was directed to the coming
+publication of the History of Diedrich Knickerbocker are represented in
+the author's opening to the first volume. Irving joined afterward in
+business as a sleeping partner, visited England in 1815, and, while
+cordially welcomed here by Thomas Campbell, Walter Scott, and others, the
+failure of his brother's business obliged him to make writing his
+profession. The publishers at first refused to take one of the most
+charming of his works, the &quot;Sketch Book&quot;; but John Murray yielded at last
+to the influence of Walter Scott, and paid &pound;200 for the copyright of it, a
+sum afterward increased to &pound;400. &quot;Bracebridge Hall&quot; and the &quot;Tales of a
+Traveler&quot; followed. Irving went to Spain with the American Ambassador to
+translate documents and acquire experience which he used afterward in
+successive books. &quot;The Life and Voyages of Columbus&quot; appeared in 1828, and
+was followed by &quot;Voyages of the Companions of Columbus.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, this time as Secretary to
+the American Legation. He published the &quot;Conquest of Granada.&quot; In 1831 he
+received the honorary degree of LL.D. from the University of Oxford. Then
+he returned to America, published in 1832 &quot;The Alhambra;&quot; in 1835 &quot;Legends
+of the Conquest of Spain.&quot; In 1842 he went again to Spain, this time as
+American Minister. Other works were produced, and at the close of his life
+he achieved his early ambition, by writing a Life of Washington, after
+whom he had been named, and who had laid his hand upon his <a name='Page_194'></a>head and
+blessed him when he was a child of five. Although the first of the five
+volumes of the Life of Washington did not appear until he was more than
+seventy years old, he lived to complete his work, and died on the 28th of
+November, 1859. Washington Irving never married. He had loved in his early
+years a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, had sat by her death-bed when
+she was a girl of seventeen, and waited until his own death restored her
+to him.</p>
+
+<p>H.M.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='HISTORY_OF_NEW_YORK'></a><h2><a name='Page_195'></a>HISTORY OF NEW YORK <br /> <i>BOOK IV</i>. (<i>continued.</i>)</h2>
+
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those
+of William the Testy for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon
+of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous,
+had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of
+Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the
+precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets
+of New Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than
+strings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish,
+and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the
+simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchange
+for peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money
+of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of
+the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who
+used it to ornament their robes and moccasins; but among the honest
+burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the
+paper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weight
+with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company and
+all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to
+sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern<a name='Page_196'></a>
+Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to
+New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation.</p>
+
+<p>And now for a time affairs went on swimmingly; money became as plentiful
+as in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase,
+&quot;a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity.&quot; Yankee traders
+poured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on,
+and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price&mdash;in Indian money. If the
+latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their
+tinware and wooden bowls the case was altered; nothing would do but Dutch
+guilders, and such-like &quot;metallic currency.&quot; What was worse, the Yankees
+introduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster shells, with which
+they deluged the province, carrying off all the silver and gold, the Dutch
+herrings and Dutch cheeses: thus early did the knowing men of the East
+manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the
+oyster, and leaving them the shell.<a name='FNanchor_36'></a><a href='#Footnote_36'><sup>[36]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible how
+completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his
+eastern neighbors; <a name='Page_197'></a>nor would he probably have ever found it out had not
+tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long
+Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were
+coining up all the oyster banks.</p>
+
+<p>Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense,
+financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster
+figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind
+of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes; as witness the temples
+erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the
+standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft
+crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington.</p>
+
+<p>The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the
+pockets, but on the larders of the New Amsterdammers; the whole community
+was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the
+Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the standard; nay, some of
+the most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a
+<i>corps de reserve</i>, only to be called into action when the sacking
+commenced.</p>
+
+<p>The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who,
+for size and weight, might have matched with Colbrand, the Danish
+champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province
+for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff; or rather, Brinkerhoofd; that is to say, Stoffel the
+Head-breaker.</p>
+
+<p>This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led
+his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and
+Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any
+difficulty of note, though it is said that some of the burgomasters gave
+out at<a name='Page_198'></a> Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry Hollow; and that others lost heart,
+and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until
+he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay.</p>
+
+<p>Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by Preserved
+Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and
+Determined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily
+believed the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let loose
+upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the &quot;select men&quot;
+of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only
+to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of
+arguing&mdash;that was with the cudgel; but he used it with such effect that he
+routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the
+inhabitants into the sea, if they had not managed to escape across the
+Sound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to this
+day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees.</p>
+
+<p>Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and
+uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand
+triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William
+the Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a
+Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the
+enemy, were borne before him; and an immense store of oysters and clams,
+Weathersfield onions, and Yankee &quot;notions&quot; formed the <i>spolia opima;</i>
+while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the
+hero's triumph.</p>
+
+<p>The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes,
+performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells,
+while Anthony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts.</p><a name='Page_199'></a>
+
+<p>A great banquet was served up in the Stadthouse from the clams and oysters
+taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the
+mint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his
+troops.</p>
+
+<p>It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among
+the ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues,
+passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to
+paint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign!</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_36'></a><a href='#FNanchor_36'>[36]</a><div class='note'><p> In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library
+of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of Indian
+money:&mdash;&quot;Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the Quahang or
+whelk, a shell-fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more
+rare occurrence of two colors, black and white; the former twice the value
+of the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black for an
+English penny. The seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England
+people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the
+best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large quantity of
+beavers' and other furs, by which the company is defrauded of her
+revenues, and the merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed
+with which they might wish to meet their engagements; while their
+commissioners and the inhabitants remain overstocked with seawant, a sort
+of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages,&quot; etc.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the
+inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they
+became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the
+little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent
+exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry; and
+the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a
+batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at
+large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy
+commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam;
+insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and
+perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and
+abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is
+disfigured.</p>
+
+<p>The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam's ass, began
+to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition for
+what is called &quot;self-government.&quot; This restive propensity was first
+evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New
+Amsterdam met to talk <a name='Page_200'></a>and smoke over the complicated affairs of the
+province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco
+smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang
+loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers
+abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmiths
+suffered their fires to go out, while they stirred up the fires of
+faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity,
+neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government.</p>
+
+<p>Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally
+understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to
+exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word
+for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William the
+Testy.</p>
+
+<p>Under the instructions of these political oracles, the good people of New
+Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened; and, as a matter of course,
+exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error in
+which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people in
+creation; and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary not
+withstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined
+people!</p>
+
+<p>We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary
+causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders,
+and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this
+said by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these
+observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man
+groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render him
+wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity: as it would be an herculean
+task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could
+topple him off thence.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that these popular <a name='Page_201'></a>meetings were generally
+held at some noted tavern; these public edifices possessing what in modern
+times are thought the true fountains of political inspiration. The ancient
+Germans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it when
+sober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon a
+subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a world
+of delay is spared; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk
+sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as his
+sober neighbors.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a
+small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been
+greatly annoyed by the facetious meetings of the good people of New
+Amsterdam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in
+their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the
+affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and
+tobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began
+forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all
+its uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the
+public pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness,
+and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, he
+issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New
+Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age, and
+attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have
+struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in
+fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New
+Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace&mdash;was he <a name='Page_202'></a>gay, he
+smoked: was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it was
+a part of his physiognomy; without it, his best friends would not know
+him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!</p>
+
+<p>The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular
+commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an
+immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor's
+house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William
+issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawless
+fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and
+puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the
+governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle.</p>
+
+<p>A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Anthony the Trumpeter. The
+governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked
+into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he
+abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller,
+denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he
+condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business; in place whereof
+he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which,
+he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the
+hatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming
+insurrection, which was long known by the name of the Pipe Plot, and
+which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots
+and seditions, in mere smoke.</p>
+
+<p>But mark, O reader! the deplorable evils which did afterward result. The
+smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud
+about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all
+the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them as
+<a name='Page_203'></a>vaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, from
+being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch
+yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried,
+leather-hided race.</p>
+
+<p>Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco pipes we may date the
+rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-important
+burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered
+to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long
+Pipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more
+convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian
+name of Short Pipes.</p>
+
+<p>A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the
+companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether, and took
+up chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids; an appellation since
+given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two
+great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass.</p>
+
+<p>And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving
+the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into
+three classes&mdash;those who think for themselves, those who think as others
+think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the
+great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a
+file-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body of
+people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the
+lead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they
+must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above
+all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who is
+not a thoroughgoing hater.</p>
+
+<p>The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being divided
+into parties, were enabled <a name='Page_204'></a>to hate each other with great accuracy. And
+now the great business of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and
+Short Pipes assemblings in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each
+other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and
+profit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter
+their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so
+strong in the Dutch language; believing, like true politicians, that they
+served their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayed
+their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all
+parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor
+of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them.</p>
+
+<p>Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped,
+and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign
+expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;
+all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by &quot;numerous and
+respectable meetings&quot; of pot-house politicians.</p>
+
+<p>In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the
+multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William
+Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to
+perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion
+with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, that
+your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily
+upset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, who
+was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his
+ear. The consequence was that though a projector of the first class, yet,
+by continually changing his projects, he gave none a fair trial; and by
+endeavoring to do everything, he, in sober truth, did nothing.</p><a name='Page_205'></a>
+
+<p>In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showed
+themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governor
+with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and
+reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky
+devil of a hack-horse; so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a
+gallop throughout the whole of his administration.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like a
+vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of
+thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an
+evil; and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the
+time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, in
+fact, is a pestilent shrew, and, withal, an inexorable creditor; and
+though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in
+long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a
+vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. &quot;Since,&quot; says good
+old Boethius, &quot;no man can retain her at his pleasure, what are her favors
+but sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the
+Croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men
+rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that the
+higher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the lower must
+be his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of a
+ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs
+very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top.</p>
+
+<p>Philosophical readers of this stamp must have <a name='Page_206'></a>doubtless indulged in
+dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter,
+and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not
+be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his
+days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the
+Testy.</p>
+
+<p>The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the
+discoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and
+Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of
+Oloffe the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts were
+carried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. The
+consequence was many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and
+then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like
+the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without,
+however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the
+Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little
+governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from the
+Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony of
+Swedes in the South, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, and
+displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken
+possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their
+expedition by one Peter Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman,
+formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses; but who now declared
+himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the
+name of the province of New Sweden.</p>
+
+<p>It is an old saying, that &quot;a little pot is soon hot,&quot; which was the case
+with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and
+once in a passion he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the
+receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that
+had been <a name='Page_207'></a>heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and
+Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he
+resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched a
+document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of
+Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of
+vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the
+potentates of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors
+which had been thundered against the Yankees, and William Kieft was
+preparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when he
+received intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who had
+taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there.
+They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly
+expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the
+rough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their
+prototypes and cousins-german the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne
+considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, much
+given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple toddy; whence
+their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland,
+which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day.</p>
+
+<p>In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were
+represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as
+his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east; having both
+come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other
+words, to live as they pleased; the Yankees taking to praying and
+money-making and converting Quakers, and the Southerners to horse-racing
+and cock-fighting and breeding negroes.</p>
+
+<p>Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval
+armament of two <a name='Page_208'></a>sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was
+armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful
+speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch.</p>
+
+<p>Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon
+the enemy just as they were engaged in a great &quot;barbecue,&quot; a king of
+festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them with
+the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy,
+canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-driving,
+tavern-haunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts: and
+concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately; to which
+they laconically replied in plain English, &quot;They'd see him d&mdash;&mdash;d first!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus
+Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally
+unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the
+admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report
+progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where
+he arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small
+expense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the
+universal appellation of the Savior of his Country, and his services were
+suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the
+top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole
+years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for firewood.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_X'></a><h3>CHAPTER X.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>About this time, the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears
+to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have
+been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following
+up the expedition of<a name='Page_209'></a> Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measures
+against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called
+away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of
+which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter.</p>
+
+<p>The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific
+governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of Bearn
+Island by <i>wapen recht</i>. While the governor doubted and did nothing, the
+lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of
+Rensellaersteen, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the
+Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest
+fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon,
+accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate
+his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty
+it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed,
+unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag,
+lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of Rensellaersteen.</p>
+
+<p>This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords
+States General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter the
+Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy, on coming into
+office and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian
+Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degrees
+a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been established in
+the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the
+very name of Rensellaersteen.</p>
+
+<p>Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the company's yacht, the
+Half Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was
+quietly tiding it down the Hudson; the commander, Govert Lockerman, a
+veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the
+high <a name='Page_210'></a>poop, quietly smoking his pipe, under the shadow of the proud flag
+of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by a
+stentorian voice from the shore, &quot;Lower thy flag, and be d&mdash;&mdash;d to thee!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his
+eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus
+discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn,
+armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a
+steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian Van
+Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor.</p>
+
+<p>Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be
+dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, &quot;To whom should I lower
+my flag?&quot; demanded he. &quot;To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the
+lord of Rensellaersteen!&quot; was the reply.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;I lower it to none but the Prince Orange and my masters, the Lords States
+General.&quot; So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged
+determination.</p>
+
+<p>Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging.
+Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly.</p>
+
+<p>Bang! went another gun; the shot whistling close astern.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;Fire, and be d&mdash;&mdash;d,&quot; cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge of
+tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence.</p>
+
+<p>Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in
+the &quot;princely flag of Orange.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert
+Lockerman; he maintained a stubborn though swelling silence, but his
+smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke
+emitted from his pipe, by which he <a name='Page_211'></a>might be tracked for miles, as he
+slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact, he
+never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the Highlands of
+the Hudson, when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said
+to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give
+particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood.</p>
+
+<p>It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog's Misery, bearing
+in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of
+William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the
+marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the
+little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it to
+say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery
+topsy-turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the
+window; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went
+into a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by
+Anthony Van Corlear, the trumpeter.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_XI'></a><h3>CHAPTER XI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end
+of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patron of
+Rensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with
+the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land.
+The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to
+evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling
+for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates,
+his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for
+diplomacy.</p>
+
+<p>Accordingly Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the
+company's yacht, the<a name='Page_212'></a> Goed Hoop, bearing Anthony the Trumpeter as
+ambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. In
+the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Anthony the
+Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parly to the forces. In a little
+while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, rose
+above the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and ultimately his
+whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth; while one by one a
+whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall,
+and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing
+daunted by this formidable array, Anthony Van Corlear drew forth and read
+with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against
+the usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the
+premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of
+the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end
+of his nose, and the thumb of the left hand to the little finger of the
+right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with
+his fingers. Anthony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this
+sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking to
+betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of
+William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right
+hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little
+finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. Anthony
+Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or
+symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a new
+diplomat like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of
+William the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded
+his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down the
+river, every now and then practising <a name='Page_213'></a>this mysterious sign of the
+wacht-meester, to keep it accurately in mind.</p>
+
+<p>Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of his embassy to the
+governor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas
+Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. He was
+deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, but they threw no light on
+the matter. He knew ever variety of windmill and weathercock, but was not
+a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in
+Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic symbols of the obelisk, but none
+furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his
+council. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the
+thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the
+finger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign.
+Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put
+in capitals, but all in vain, the worthy burgomasters were equally
+perplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his
+nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony Van
+Corlear, then smoked on in dubious silence. Several times was Anthony
+obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time
+a circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber.</p>
+
+<p>Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayers
+and fortune tellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could
+interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up in
+sore perplexity. The matter got abroad; Anthony Van Corlear was stopped at
+every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each
+of whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to
+carry the story home of his family. For several days all business was
+neglected in New Amsterdam; <a name='Page_214'></a>nothing was talked of but the diplomatic
+mission of Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots of
+politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fierce
+feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first
+had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other war
+questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy.</p>
+
+<p>Still, to this early affair of Rensellaersteen may be traced the remote
+origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the
+Helderberg, and have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van
+Rensellaers to its foundation: for we are told that the bully boys of the
+Helderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, carried
+back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled
+Anthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so that to the
+present day, the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be
+the reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any long arrears
+of rent.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_XII'></a><h3>CHAPTER XII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times who had a nearer
+opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace
+lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes;
+and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned,
+and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts; for about
+this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north,
+incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon the
+pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some
+broad-bottomed express rider, covered <a name='Page_215'></a>with mud and mire, would come
+floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale
+of aggression from the frontier; whereupon Anthony Van Corlear, seizing
+his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days,
+would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and
+disastrous cadence, as to throw half the old women in the city into
+hysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, there
+being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently
+treated to a panic&mdash;a secret well known to modern editors.</p>
+
+<p>But oh, ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of
+the Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter,
+protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch,
+were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters of
+the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant
+campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent victory at
+Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of
+his foul weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up
+of those clouds and indications of more portentous tempests; for the
+Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable
+occasion their incompetency to cope in fair fight with the sturdy chivalry
+of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their
+brethren who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived the
+name of Yankee land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence
+was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New
+Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the &quot;United Colonies of New
+England;&quot; the pretended object of which was mutual defense against the
+savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts.</p><a name='Page_216'></a>
+
+<p>For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of history, the
+Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the
+modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people
+destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it.
+In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people; of that class who
+only require an inch to gain an ell; or a halter to gain a horse. From the
+time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate,
+progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making
+a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that
+a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received the
+nickname of &quot;The Pilgrims,&quot; that is to say, a people who are always
+seeking a better country than their own.</p>
+
+<p>The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay,
+and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeable
+piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that he
+had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this
+was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic League, by which the states of
+Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heart
+quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of
+delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this
+truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to
+the New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the
+Indians, with carrying on a traffic in &quot;guns, powther, and shott&mdash;a trade
+damnable and injurious to the colonists.&quot; It is true the Connecticut
+traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic; but then
+they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, <a name='Page_217'></a>ingeniously calculated
+to burst in the pagan hands which used them.</p>
+
+<p>The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of
+William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head,
+but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented
+in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of
+New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued
+occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea
+captain fires his guns into a water spout, but, alas! they had no more
+effect than so many blank cartridges.</p>
+
+<p>Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy,
+for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times,
+he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for ever
+through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern
+that such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for he was in truth
+a mighty and great little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned,
+seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the
+art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and
+windmills.</p>
+
+<p>It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were
+great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysterious
+exit, have fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and
+forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the crab;
+while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fate
+similar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient
+bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairyland, where he
+still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another
+return to restore the <a name='Page_218'></a>gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity,
+which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.<a name='FNanchor_37'></a><a href='#Footnote_37'><sup>[37]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of
+those dreaming varlets the poets, to which I would not have my judicious
+reader attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient
+and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus
+was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills, nor a writer
+of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in
+natural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from a garret
+window of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling
+salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that
+he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore,
+discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill
+mountains.<a name='FNanchor_38'></a><a href='#Footnote_38'><sup>[38]</sup></a></p>
+<a name='Page_219'></a>
+<p>The most probable account declares, that what with the constant troubles
+on his frontiers&mdash;the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own
+pericranium&mdash;the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of
+advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractory
+disposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on every
+point, and uniformly to be in the wrong&mdash;his mind was kept in a furnace
+heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which
+has passed through three generations <a name='Page_220'></a>of hard smokers. In this manner did
+he undergo a kind of animal combustion consuming away like a farthing
+rushlight, so that when grim Death finally snuffed him out, there was
+scarcely left enough of him to bury!</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_37'></a><a href='#FNanchor_37'>[37]</a><div class='note'><p> &quot;The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead,
+but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he sholde
+remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne in as great
+authority as ever.&quot;&mdash;<i>Holinshed</i>.
+</p><p>
+&quot;The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all Britaigne;
+for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn&mdash;He say'd that his deth
+shall be doubteous; and said soth, for men thereof yet have doubte and
+shullen for evermore, for men wyt not whether that he lyveth or is
+dede.&quot;&mdash;<i>De Leew Chron</i>.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_38'></a><a href='#FNanchor_38'>[38]</a><div class='note'><p> Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after
+truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which border a
+little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore rests on something
+better than mere tradition. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of
+Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own
+observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a
+treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the
+latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment, the weight
+and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and
+Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump and gave it to be proved by a
+skillful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montagne, one of the
+councillors of the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and
+yielded two pieces of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues
+Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the
+Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain, in the region
+of the Kaatskill, under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the
+precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful of ore, which, being
+submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William
+Kieft now thought the discovery certain. He sent a confidential person,
+Arent Corsen, with a bagful of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage
+in an English ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel
+sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board perished.<a name='FNanchor_A'></a><a href='#Footnote_A'><sup>[A]</sup></a>
+</p><p>
+In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the
+<i>Princess</i>, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The ship
+was never heard of more!
+</p><p>
+Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but pyrites;
+but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the
+experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned doctor of medicine, on
+the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that
+time secretary of the New Netherlands, declared, in Holland, that he had
+tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory. It
+would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill always
+brought ill luck; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent Corsen and
+Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to
+convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have never since
+been explored, but remain among the mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains,
+and under the protection of the goblins which haunt them.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_A'></a><a href='#FNanchor_A'>[A]</a><div class='note'><p> See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlands,
+Collect. New York Hist. Society, vol. i., p. 161.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_V'></a><h2><a name='Page_221'></a><i>BOOK V.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.</center>
+
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a
+subject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half way,
+there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great
+man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of
+ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it
+is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceedingly
+small space in the world; and it is equally certain, that even that small
+space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. &quot;Of what consequence is
+it,&quot; said Pliny, &quot;that individuals appear, or make their exit? the world
+is a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing.&quot; Never did
+philosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder that so wise a remark
+could have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to
+heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps out
+of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him; and of
+the proudest monarch it is merely said that, &quot;he slept with his fathers,
+and his successor reigned in his stead.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss,
+and, if left to itself, would soon forget to grieve; and though a nation
+has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man,
+yet it is ten to one if an individual <a name='Page_222'></a>tear has been shed on the occasion,
+excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian,
+the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to
+sustain; who, kind souls! like undertakers in England, act the part of
+chief mourners; who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and
+deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the
+patriotic author is weeping and howling in prose, in blank verse, and in
+rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into
+a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating
+and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter
+lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe and
+Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to
+become sureties.</p>
+
+<p>The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered
+into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some
+historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to
+posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, and
+turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I
+question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic
+history for all his future celebrity.</p>
+
+<p>His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its
+vicinity; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their
+spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain
+persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks
+(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang
+their heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next
+night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever
+did, on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The
+good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a
+very busy, active, <a name='Page_223'></a>bustling little governor; that he was &quot;the father of
+his country;&quot; that he was &quot;the noblest work of God;&quot; that &quot;he was a man,
+take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again;&quot;
+together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, regularly said
+on the death of all great men; after which they smoked their pipes,
+thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller,
+the best of our ancient Dutch governors; Wouter having surpassed all who
+preceded him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old
+Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never
+been equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man fitted by
+Nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not
+the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters,
+destined them to inextricable confusion.</p>
+
+<p>To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice; he
+was, in truth, a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned
+make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules
+would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertook
+to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes
+Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise for
+his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like the
+self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign
+people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very
+bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial
+excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental
+advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have
+graced any of their heroes.</p>
+
+<p>This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which <a name='Page_224'></a>was the only prize he had
+gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was
+so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all
+his other limbs put together; indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that he
+had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused
+it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver
+leg.<a name='FNanchor_39'></a><a href='#Footnote_39'><sup>[39]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore
+bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and
+attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the manner of
+his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders
+with his walking staff.</p>
+
+<p>Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or
+Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a
+shrewdness and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly expect from
+a man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True it
+is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to
+experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest
+manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the
+erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to
+assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few
+laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and
+impartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as
+well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes
+yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten.</p>
+
+<p>He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither
+tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting,
+like William the Testy; but a man, or rather a governor, of such <a name='Page_225'></a>uncommon
+activity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the
+advice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero
+of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and
+dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete him
+as a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that he
+always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found
+himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting,
+by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he
+possessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a statesman, called
+perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. A
+wonderful salve for official blunders; since he who perseveres in error
+without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he
+who wavers, in seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer.
+This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all
+legislators great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute
+which way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself,
+while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great
+risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's
+foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The
+clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours,
+while others may keep going continually, and be continually going wrong.</p>
+
+<p>Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people
+of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the
+independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by
+their new governor, that they universally called him Hard Koppig Piet, or
+Peter the Headstrong, a great compliment to the strength of his
+understanding.</p>
+
+<p>If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, <a name='Page_226'></a>worthy reader, that
+Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome,
+obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor,
+either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at
+drawing conclusions.</p>
+
+<p>This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of
+May, 1647; a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacks of
+the time which have come down to us by the name of &quot;Windy Friday.&quot; As he
+was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated
+into office with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like
+manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone, in
+Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements,
+together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed &quot;hanging day,&quot;
+did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonable
+apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants; and
+several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in
+the mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare outright that
+they were omens of a disastrous administration; an event that came to be
+lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of
+attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and
+visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on
+which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance; or to
+those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, and
+flarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the oracular
+Sibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate
+inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much
+is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant <a name='Page_227'></a>succeeded to the chair of state at a
+turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, when
+anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the
+authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though
+supported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, and
+proclamations, yet tottered to its very center; and when the great city of
+New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills,
+seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and
+ready to yield to the first invader.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_39'></a><a href='#FNanchor_39'>[39]</a><div class='note'><p> See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of
+government, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a little
+marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself
+constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his
+privy council, the members of which had acquired the unreasonable habit of
+thinking and speaking to themselves during the preceding reign, he
+determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely,
+therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office
+all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy;
+in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from those fat,
+somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under
+the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished
+with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent
+corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the
+good of the nation, while he took the burden of government upon his own
+shoulders&mdash;an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence.</p><a name='Page_228'></a>
+
+<p>Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and
+expedients of his learned predecessor&mdash;rooting up his patent gallows,
+where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing his
+flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts
+of New Amsterdam; pitching to the Duyvel whole batteries of Quaker guns;
+and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and
+windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam.</p>
+
+<p>The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their
+matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious
+favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet.
+Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and
+eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would
+have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass&mdash;&quot;Pr'ythee, who and
+what art thou?&quot; said he. &quot;Sire,&quot; replied the other, in no wise dismayed,
+&quot;for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear&mdash;for my parentage, I am the son of
+my mother&mdash;for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great
+city of New Amsterdam.&quot; &quot;I doubt me much,&quot; said Peter Stuyvesant, &quot;that
+thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave: how didst thou acquire this
+paramount honor and dignity?&quot; &quot;Marry, sir,&quot; replied the other, &quot;like many
+a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trumpet.&quot; &quot;Ay, is it so?&quot;
+quoth the governor; &quot;why, then, let us have a relish of thy art.&quot;
+Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a
+charge with such tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a
+triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of
+one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger,
+grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up
+his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the
+heroic Peter joy to <a name='Page_229'></a>hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might
+truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England,
+&quot;there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to
+hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their
+steeled weapons.&quot; Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy
+Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his
+discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway
+conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the
+troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever
+after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential
+envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous
+notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at
+his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious
+chivalry; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people
+with warlike melody, thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.</p>
+
+<p>But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation
+in the community was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had
+old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the
+true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his first
+edicts was that all duties to government should be paid in those precious
+metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender.</p>
+
+<p>Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the rise
+and fall of this fluctuating currency found their calling at an end;
+those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their
+capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were
+accustomed to flood the market with newly-coined oyster-shells, and to
+abstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying this
+&quot;tampering with the currency.&quot; It was clipping the wings of <a name='Page_230'></a>commerce; it
+was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an
+end; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries;
+grass would grow in the marketplace. In a word, no one who has not heard
+the outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon &quot;paper
+money,&quot; can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong for
+checking the circulation of oyster-shells.</p>
+
+<p>In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream was
+deep as it was broad. The honest Dutchman sold less goods; but then they
+got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tinware,
+apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of
+Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified
+themselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage of
+oyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made
+their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the
+Dutch housewives.</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>NOTE.
+
+<p>    From a manuscript record of the province (Lib, N.Y. Hist,
+    Soc.).&mdash;&quot;We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser,
+    and prevent their being, further imposed upon, than to declare,
+    absolutely and peremptorily, that henceforward seawant shall be
+    bullion&mdash;not longer admissable in trade, without any value, as it
+    is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no
+    longer away his wares and merchandise for these baubles; at least
+    not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity,
+    than as they may want them in their trade with the savages.</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be
+    enabled to draw the best wares and merchandise from our country
+    for nothing; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed,
+    long since been insufferable; although it ought chiefly to be
+    imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and
+    inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition
+    of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent.</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;27th January, 1662,</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3><a name='Page_231'></a>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating the
+internal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused
+such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and
+power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston,
+where it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mighty
+principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this
+formidable combination was mutual protection and defence against their
+savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand
+crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of the city of
+the Manhattoes&mdash;as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the
+Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient Crusaders.</p>
+
+<p>In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a
+grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its
+dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode
+Island, praying to be admitted into the league.</p>
+
+<p>The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records of
+the council.<a name='FNanchor_40'></a><a href='#Footnote_40'><sup>[40]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>&quot;Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this
+insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>&quot;Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee
+    the ilanders of Rhoode Iland may be rescauied into combination
+    with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and
+    perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and <a name='Page_232'></a>defence,
+    mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall
+    safety and wellfaire, etc.</p></div>
+
+<span style='margin-left: 30em;'>&quot;WILL COTTINGTON.</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 30em;'>&quot;ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG.&quot;</span><br />
+
+<p>There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document
+that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however
+mis-spelt, has been warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is in
+some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of
+Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great
+resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter,
+moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the
+noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may
+picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in
+the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among
+that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count
+beyond the number four.</p>
+
+<p>The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part
+of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments farther
+and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even
+the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath, and to find
+themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his
+first impulse was to march at once to the frontier, and kick these
+squatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time that
+he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once
+cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at
+negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the great
+council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either
+side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, <a name='Page_233'></a>adjust grievances,
+and establish a &quot;perpetual and happy peace.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according to
+immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the &quot;wisest and
+weightiest&quot; men of the community; that is to say, men with the oldest
+heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans
+Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time
+of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the
+kind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first
+spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his masthead, and all the
+world knows that the discovery of the mouth of the river gives prior right
+to all the lands drained by its waters.</p>
+
+<p>It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the
+Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on
+this embassy; men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose
+presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: when
+it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
+his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that
+men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no
+alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife
+and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High
+Mightinesses on which they had squatted.</p>
+
+<p>In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no
+wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean
+Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no
+substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no
+jingling of money in their pockets; it is true they had longer heads than
+the Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were
+broad at bottom, <a name='Page_234'></a>and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up
+by a double chin.</p>
+
+<p>The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of original
+discovery; according to the principle that he who first sees a new country
+has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran
+Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the
+identical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered the
+mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back
+in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the
+weather-gauge of the Yankees, but what was their dismay when the latter
+produced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with which he
+discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes: and so crooked
+that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river.
+This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the
+whole country bordering on the Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a
+mere Dutch squatting-place on their territories.</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at
+finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither
+will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the
+Manhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had been out-trumped
+by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of
+New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in
+a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary questions,
+when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an
+appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right,
+and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise,
+or mutual concession&mdash;that <a name='Page_235'></a>is to say, one party cedes half of its claims,
+and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, and
+the whole is pronounced an equitable division, &quot;perfectly honorable to
+both parties.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up
+claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never seen,
+and all right to the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amsterdam,
+to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that
+the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had
+squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river.</p>
+
+<p>When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was
+in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no
+war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion; while
+the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the
+Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had
+been &quot;fobbed off with.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter,
+congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be
+harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded
+hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that
+disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such
+expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the
+paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which I solicit his
+serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter
+Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, by
+effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the
+province.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_40'></a><a href='#FNanchor_40'>[40]</a><div class='note'><p> Haz. Coll. Stat. Pap.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3><a name='Page_236'></a>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war was
+the original state of man, whom he described as being, primitively, a
+savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his
+own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by
+society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes;<a name='FNanchor_41'></a><a href='#Footnote_41'><sup>[41]</sup></a> nor have there
+been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it.</p>
+
+<p>For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so
+complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to
+take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,<a name='FNanchor_42'></a><a href='#Footnote_42'><sup>[42]</sup></a> that though war
+may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employment
+of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from
+being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and
+civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards
+that state of perfection which is the <i>ne plus ultra</i> of modern
+philosophy.</p>
+
+<p>The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical
+force, unaided by auxiliary weapons&mdash;his arm was his buckler, his fist was
+his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle
+of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and
+clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement,
+as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more
+<a name='Page_237'></a>exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of
+murdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and
+to assault&mdash;the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart,
+and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the
+blow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic invention, he
+enlarges and heightens his powers of defense and injury. The aries, the
+scorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to
+war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still
+insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of
+destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even
+with the desires of revenge&mdash;still deeper researches must be made in the
+diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the
+earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals, and deadly salts&mdash;the sublime
+discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world; and finally, the dreadful
+art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with
+ubiquity and omnipotence!</p>
+
+<p>This, indeed, is grand!&mdash;this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and
+bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the
+animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves with
+the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts
+with his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the leopard,
+and the tiger, seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify
+their sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom,
+and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone,
+blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,
+enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates the
+tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in
+murdering his brother worm!</p><a name='Page_238'></a>
+
+<p>In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art
+of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered, in
+this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most
+formidable engine of war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode
+of maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations.</p>
+
+<p>A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore, according
+to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is
+no longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, and
+to establish an equitable exchange of kind offices; but a contest of skill
+between two powers which shall overreach and take in the other it is a
+cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery of
+cabinets those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by
+force of arms; in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms
+and becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with
+cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized
+with open violence.</p>
+
+<p>In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of
+perfect amity is when a negotiation is open and a treaty pending. Then,
+when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the
+will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right
+implanted in our nature; when each party has some advantage to hope and
+expect from the other; then it is that the two nations are wonderfully
+gracious and friendly, their ministers professing the highest mutual
+regard, exchanging <i>billets-doux</i>, making fine speeches, and indulging in
+all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that
+do so marvelously tickle the good humor of the respective nations. Thus it
+may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding
+between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding&mdash;and <a name='Page_239'></a>that
+so long as they are on terms at all they are on the best terms in the
+world!</p>
+
+<p>I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above
+discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain
+enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories,
+privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentleman
+who has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of
+heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful
+ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting
+negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as ambassador some
+political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions,
+and dexterous in the art of baffling argument; or some blundering
+statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to
+ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so
+popular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors,
+between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character to
+establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and
+concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone,
+or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement,
+therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in consequence
+of which the negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is no
+prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays
+and obstacles but time; and in a negotiation, according to the theory I
+have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained; with what
+delightful paradoxes does modern political economy abound!</p>
+
+<p>Now all that I have here advanced, is so notoriously true, that I almost
+blush to take up the time of my readers, with treating of matters which
+must many a time have stared them in the face. But <a name='Page_240'></a>the proposition to
+which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that though a
+negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a
+treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful
+sources of war.</p>
+
+<p>I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals
+that did not produce jealousies, bickerings and often downright ruptures
+between them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did
+not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country
+neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for
+years, have been thrown into a state of distrust, caviling, and animosity,
+by some ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray
+cattle! and how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have
+remained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have been
+brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of
+some treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of making
+their amity more sure!</p>
+
+<p>Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their
+fulfilment; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker party
+only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will
+wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby, and
+therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it have
+anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the
+righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong
+that it could not thrust the sword through; nay, I would hold ten to one
+the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to
+find a pretext for hostilities.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, therefore, I conclude&mdash;that though it is the best of all policies
+for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it
+is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a <a name='Page_241'></a>treaty; for then
+comes on non-fulfillment and infraction, then remonstrance, then
+altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war.
+In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant
+speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses&mdash;but the marriage ceremony is
+the signal for hostilities.</p>
+
+<p>If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination of
+the foregoing passage, he will perceive at a glance that the great Peter,
+in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of
+lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be
+traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about
+fancied or pretended infringements of treaty stipulations; in all which
+the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a &quot;dig into the sides&quot;
+of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they
+gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Mannahata, were so pitiful in
+their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the time
+spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires,
+would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is,
+therefore, to take it for granted&mdash;though I scorn to waste in the detail
+that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is
+invaluable&mdash;that all the while the great Peter was occupied in those
+tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a
+continued series of little, dirty, sniveling scourings, broils, and
+maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of
+Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don
+Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an
+historian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements of
+higher dignity; for at this moment I hear a direful and portentous note
+issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and <a name='Page_242'></a>resounding
+throughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of
+Peter Stuyvesant; I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind him
+all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward
+with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be
+wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_41'></a><a href='#FNanchor_41'>[41]</a><div class='note'><p> Hobbes, Leviathan, part i., ch. 13.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_42'></a><a href='#FNanchor_42'>[42]</a><div class='note'><p>
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>&quot;Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque its porro</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>Pugnabaut armis, qu&aelig; post fabricaverat usus.&quot;</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 8em;'>&mdash;Hor. <i>Sat.</i> lib. i. s. 3.</span><br />
+</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter
+Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced
+in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the
+Nederlanders were carrying on a trade &quot;damnable and injurious to the
+colonists,&quot; in furnishing the savages with &quot;guns, powther, and shott.&quot;
+This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy
+to have a snug cause of war <i>in petto</i>, in case any favorable opportunity
+should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands, the great
+object of Yankee ambition.</p>
+
+<p>Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of complaint had
+apparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with
+tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of Peter
+Stuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash,
+was proof against such missiles.</p>
+
+<p>To be explicit, we are told that, in the years 1651, the great confederacy
+of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of
+steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the
+Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise and massacre the
+Yankee settlements. &quot;For,&quot; as the grand council observed, &quot;the Indians
+round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of
+an <a name='Page_243'></a>intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English,
+whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians,
+who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in
+the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been
+so many Christian troopers.</p>
+
+<p>Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the losel
+Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and
+his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a
+bloody nose in one of these border wars; and my grandfather, when a very
+little boy tending pigs, having been kidnaped and severely flogged by a
+long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster&mdash;yet I should have passed over all
+these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion&mdash;I could even have suffered
+them to have broken Everett Ducking's head; to have kicked the doughty
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors; to have carried
+every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of
+the earth with perfect impunity&mdash;but this wanton attack upon one of the
+most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much even
+for me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the
+historian and the forbearance of the Dutchman.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false! If thou hast any
+respect to my word, if the undeviating character for veracity, which I
+have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight with
+thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledge
+my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant
+was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his
+right arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlasting
+flames, rather than attempt to destroy <a name='Page_244'></a>his enemies in any other way than
+open, generous warfare. Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired to
+sully his honest name by such an imputation!</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight errant,
+had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of King
+Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble
+virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild
+flowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by
+Nature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken to
+refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his
+dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above board; if there was
+anything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning
+and secret wile; &quot;straight forward&quot; was his motto, and he at any time
+rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round
+it.</p>
+
+<p>Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration of him has on this
+occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the
+philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology that
+though a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of
+life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in the
+eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed
+thrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed
+escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyses every
+glow of enthusiasm.</p>
+
+<p>The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous
+charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the
+chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across
+the table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a
+proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with
+giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages <a name='Page_245'></a>against a Christian, a
+soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot
+in question lied in his throat; to prove which he offered to meet the
+president of the council, or any of his compeers; or their champion,
+Captain Alexander Partridge, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat;
+wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm.</p>
+
+<p>This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Anthony Van
+Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day,
+sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of
+his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Anthony accomplished his
+mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered
+his missive with becoming ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of
+defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant
+and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridge, who nearly jumped
+out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonishment.</p>
+
+<p>The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put
+readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run
+a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the
+advantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in
+reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading; so they
+devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the &quot;raw&quot; which
+they had established.</p>
+
+<p>On receiving this answer, Anthony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare
+which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing
+himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet like a very
+devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut, resounded
+with the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to the windows as he
+passed through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all the other
+border towns; ogling and winking at the <a name='Page_246'></a>women, and making aerial
+windmills from the end of his nose at their husbands; and stopping
+occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country
+frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced exceedingly
+with his soul-stirring instrument.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the
+coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that &quot;his confident
+denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little
+against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians;&quot; that &quot;his
+guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction,&quot; so that they must still
+require and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with&mdash;&quot;so we rest,
+sir&mdash;Yours in ways of righteousness.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding
+himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round
+him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
+aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the
+council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and
+offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His
+offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to
+an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of
+high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the
+confederate plantations, where the matter might be investigated by his
+peers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity.</p>
+
+<p>While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one
+sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes two
+lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset <a name='Page_247'></a>pacers, with
+saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who
+looked marvelously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from
+one county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth, though
+they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to
+suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthy
+Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut river.</p>
+
+<p>It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the grass
+grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the inn and
+deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of
+the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon
+pipe on the &quot;stoop,&quot; or bench at the porch of his house, and announced
+themselves at once as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east
+to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him.</p>
+
+<p>The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a
+moment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they were
+proceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions; asking him,
+peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty; considering him
+something in the light of a culprit at the bar; when they were brought to
+a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his
+walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a
+crown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesant
+repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varlets
+from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn; then
+strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they
+should never again be admitted to his presence.</p>
+
+<p>The knowing commissioners winked to each other and made a certificate on
+the spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrogatories or
+to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the
+city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence,
+perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until they
+had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal
+tales, rumors, and calumnies; with these they mounted their Narraganset
+pacers, and travelled back to the grand council. Neither did the
+proud-hearted Peter <a name='Page_248'></a>trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede
+their departure; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys;
+but I warrant me had they played the same tricks with William the Testy,
+he would have had them tucked up by the waistband, and treated to an
+aerial gambol on his patent gallows.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their
+envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everything
+went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the
+commissioners was construed into a consciousness of guilt. The contents of
+the satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council, and
+appeared a mountain of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, and
+declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious
+zealots who blow the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of
+politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. What was it to him if he
+should set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze?
+He was from the borders of Connecticut; his constituents lived by
+marauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers in
+Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its
+effect, and it was determined to set on foot an expedition against the
+Nieuw Nederlandts.</p><a name='Page_249'></a>
+
+<p>It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure.
+Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for
+several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter
+Stuyvesant and his devoted city.</p>
+
+<p>This is the first we hear of the &quot;drum ecclesiastic&quot; beating up for
+recruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called into
+frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe;
+things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, like
+drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the
+simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust
+down his throat, labeled with a pious text from Scripture.</p>
+
+<p>And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes. It
+pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch,
+considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world for
+the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience: who were mere heretics
+and infidels, inasmuch as the refused to believe in witches and
+sea-serpents, and had, faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to the
+door; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were in
+perpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees, &quot;Thou
+shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in
+the east, than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those
+economical rulers who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy
+is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and
+crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all
+diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence.</p>
+
+<p>Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were
+the militia laws, by <a name='Page_250'></a>which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice
+a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God; and were put
+under the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinary
+occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men
+in the world, were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats on
+their heads and swords by their sides. Under the instructions of these
+periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled
+in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could
+march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without
+flinching; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right,
+wheel to the left, and fare without winking or blinking.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt
+gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops: however, he determined
+to give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general muster,
+inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona! what a turning-out was
+here! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his
+shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side; and Barent
+Dirkson, with something that looked like a copper kettle, turned upside
+down on his head, and a couple of old horse pistols in his belt; and Dirk
+Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a host
+more, armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snickersnees,
+crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the officers distinguished from the
+rest by having their slouched hats cocked up with pins and surmounted with
+cocktail feathers.</p>
+
+<p>The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect
+as a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bed
+soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manual
+exercise over and over again, trudged them backwards and forwards about
+the <a name='Page_251'></a>streets of New Amsterdam, until their short legs ached and their fat
+sides sweated again, and finally encamped them in the evening on the
+summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life,
+intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so
+it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and
+melted away the army, so that in the morning when Gaffer Phoebus shed his
+first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, excepting Peter
+Stuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van Corlear.</p>
+
+<p>This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of
+less nerve; but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the
+militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke&mdash;for he
+sometimes indulged in a joke&mdash;William the Testy's broken reed. He now took
+into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered,
+broad-bottomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom
+he boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least
+water-proof.</p>
+
+<p>He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across
+the island from river to river; and above all cast up mud batteries or
+redoubts on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom
+of the bay.</p>
+
+<p>These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun
+by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms
+and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their
+nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees,
+too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating the
+golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward
+which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of
+the town take their evening stroll, watching the silver moon beams as they
+trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail <a name='Page_252'></a>of some
+gliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft vows of honest
+affection; for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of
+the marriages in New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The Battery, which, though
+ostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been consecrated
+to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy
+childhood&mdash;of many a tender assignation in riper years&mdash;of many a soothing
+walk in declining age&mdash;the healthful resort of the feeble invalid&mdash;the
+Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman&mdash;in fine, the ornament and
+delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and
+guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty
+pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of
+Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, at
+defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors
+of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag&mdash;otherwise called Weathersfield,
+famous for its onions and its witches&mdash;and of all the other border towns,
+were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting
+aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging of
+the fat little Dutch villages.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the
+chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in
+this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant,
+the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of his
+defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the <a name='Page_253'></a>league, had carried
+conviction to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to
+believe him guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door.<a name='FNanchor_43'></a><a href='#Footnote_43'><sup>[43]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>The defection of so important a colony paralysed the councils of the
+league. Some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of yore
+in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade
+against the Manhattoes was abandoned.</p>
+
+<p>It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely disappointed;
+well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, by
+my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with
+all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes of Pyquag
+would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of
+Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and
+his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not have had the
+stomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander for
+a century to come.</p>
+
+<p>But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholy
+crusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about this time
+broke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft,
+which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a howling abomination
+could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it soon excited the fiery
+indignation of those guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evinced
+such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The
+grand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime,
+and bloody laws were enacted against all &quot;solem conversing or compacting
+with the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_44'></a><a href='#Footnote_44'><sup>[44]</sup></a> Strict search,
+too, was made <a name='Page_254'></a>after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches;
+by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye; and
+by having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks!
+What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art,
+which has baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers,
+theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant,
+decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains
+than the broomsticks they rode upon.</p>
+
+<p>When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a
+panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever,
+and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile
+is pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky
+cur in the street is in jeopardy; so in the present instance, whoever was
+troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched; and woe to any
+unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood.</p>
+
+<p>It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, &quot;for every one
+of which,&quot; says the Reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the
+History of New England, &quot;we have such a sufficient evidence, that no
+reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; and it will
+be unreasonable to do it in any other.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_45'></a><a href='#Footnote_45'><sup>[45]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, gent.,
+furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. &quot;There are none,&quot;
+observes he, &quot;that beg in this country, but there be witches too
+many&mdash;bottle-bellied witches and others, that produce many strange
+apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with
+women&mdash;and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; the
+ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden,&quot; etc.</p><a name='Page_255'></a>
+
+<p>The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not
+more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the
+most solemn, persuasive and affectionate manner, to confess themselves
+guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion, and the entertainment of
+the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their
+innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate
+punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they
+were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their
+judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that
+were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed any
+evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced
+judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly
+satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them;
+but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, to
+quiet those praying quidnuncs who should come after them&mdash;in short, the
+world must be satisfied. Oh, the world! the world! all the world knows the
+world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges,
+therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting and making
+evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly
+understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that it
+may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of
+the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that
+should come after them.</p>
+
+<p>Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly
+entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the
+more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the
+truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the
+roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some <a name='Page_256'></a>even
+carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture,
+protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as
+thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders
+only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in
+the flames.</p>
+
+<p>In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by
+stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being
+the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a
+demon by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measures
+equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The
+witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-stuck, and in a little while
+there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; which
+is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome.
+Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually
+recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches,
+which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatism, ciatics,
+and lumbagos; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of
+the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus
+pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a
+penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto
+this day, in their characters; witches occasionally start up among them in
+different disguises, as physicians, civilians and divines. The people at
+large show a keenness, a cleverness and a profundity of wisdom, that
+savors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that whenever any
+stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into
+New England.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_43'></a><a href='#FNanchor_43'>[43]</a><div class='note'><p> Hazard's State Papers.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_44'></a><a href='#FNanchor_44'>[44]</a><div class='note'><p> New Plymouth Record.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_45'></a><a href='#FNanchor_45'>[45]</a><div class='note'><p> Mather's Hist. New Eng. b. vi. ch. 7. </p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3><a name='Page_257'></a>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good
+St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which
+broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which
+filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness.</p>
+
+<p>A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the
+east; the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds
+of rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent
+glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heard
+in solitary places, and the border towns were so occupied in detecting and
+punishing losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was suspended,
+and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten.</p>
+
+<p>I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was some danger of
+this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and certain
+witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in
+the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthy
+Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, which
+it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of
+the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day on
+ancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of the patriarchs;
+nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch
+yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and
+Yankees out of the country.</p>
+
+<p>And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend from
+the east, turned his <a name='Page_258'></a>face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern
+frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting
+Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of
+the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations of
+that veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jensen
+Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes,
+Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command
+of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to
+great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories
+speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and
+his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees.
+In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more
+kicks, in a certain honorable part, than any of his comrades; in
+consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had been
+promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and
+suffered in his country's cause.</p>
+
+<p>It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses into
+some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others, of
+intellectual silver; while others are intellectually furnished with iron
+and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it would
+seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass
+enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to pass
+off upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the little governor would
+sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left
+those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the
+Dragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to
+the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his
+station by the grandiloquence of <a name='Page_259'></a>his bulletins, always styling himself
+Commander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sober
+truth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing,
+bottle-bruising ragamuffins.</p>
+
+<p>In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did his
+bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigious
+conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of
+wind given by &AElig;olus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabond
+warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration of
+Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William
+the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled an
+admirable trumpeter.</p>
+
+<p>As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of
+the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon
+the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character,
+being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that
+he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within.
+He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a
+fishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through
+his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of
+well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out
+of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a
+lobster.</p>
+
+<p>I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
+warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
+accoutred cap-a-pie&mdash;booted to the middle&mdash;sashed to the chin&mdash;collared to
+the ears&mdash;whiskered to the teeth&mdash;crowned with an overshadowing cocked
+hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed
+a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he
+strutted about, <a name='Page_260'></a>as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of
+More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For what
+says the ballad?</p>
+
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>&quot;Had you but seen him in this dress,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>How fierce he looked and how big,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>You would have thought him for to be</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>Some Egyptian porcupig.</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>He frighted all&mdash;cats, dogs, and all,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>Each cow, each horse, and each hog;</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>For fear did flee, for they took him to be</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>Some strange outlandish hedgehog.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_46'></a><a href='#Footnote_46'><sup>[46]</sup></a></span><br />
+
+<p>I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, was
+not exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremost
+in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter,
+who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military
+notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving
+his right to his dignities.</p>
+
+<p>To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troops
+destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he departed from
+his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his
+undaunted march through savage deserts over insurmountable mountains,
+across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering
+vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than did
+Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches with a dubious
+screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlear
+repeated these contents in the streets and market-places with an
+appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the
+general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect a
+fortress, or stronghold, on the South of Delaware river. At first he
+bethought <a name='Page_261'></a>him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, a
+lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military
+commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be
+studded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men; in
+the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly
+degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is
+said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his excellency.</p>
+
+<p>As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may be
+worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was
+the germ of the present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properly
+speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises.</p>
+
+<p>His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to
+behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and out
+a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and
+on that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals,
+on the top of the ramparts, like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and
+vaporing on the top of a dovecote.</p>
+
+<p>There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unruly
+in the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, compelling them to box-lobby
+brawls and brokenheaded quarrels, unless there can be found some more
+harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delectable romance of
+Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did
+incontinently gallop into an adjacent forest, and belabor the trees with
+such might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence
+of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent
+and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the
+commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot
+within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him most
+lustily with <a name='Page_262'></a>his sabre; decapitating cabbages by platoons; hewing down
+lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes; and if, perchance, he
+espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, &quot;Ah!
+caitiff Yankees!&quot; would he roar, &quot;have I caught ye at last?&quot; So saying,
+with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from
+their chins to their waist-bands; by which warlike havoc, his choler being
+in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full
+conviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess.</p>
+
+<p>He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky
+soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade;
+or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one
+day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his
+melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding
+with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe; he
+therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both
+officers and men throughout the garrison.</p>
+
+<p>Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named
+Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not a
+little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queue
+like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that
+his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to
+the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor
+of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning
+it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest
+of veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums&mdash;swore he would
+break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail&mdash;queued it
+stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the
+tail of a crocodile.</p><a name='Page_263'></a>
+
+<p>The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the
+utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer
+not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and
+good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, the consequent safety of
+the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded the
+docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old
+Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the
+whole garrison&mdash;the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive-whereupon
+he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and
+all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with
+a &quot;videlicet, in wearing an eelskin queue, three feet long, contrary to
+orders.&quot; Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and the
+whole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is
+well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting
+pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran
+would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of
+a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification&mdash;and deserted from all
+earthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained
+unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be
+carried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out of a hole in his
+coffin.</p>
+
+<p>This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as a
+disciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to
+bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrum
+of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump,
+his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_46'></a><a href='#FNanchor_46'>[46]</a><div class='note'><p> Ballad of Dragon of Wantley.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_VI'></a><h2><a name='Page_264'></a><i>BOOK VI.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS
+GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.</center>
+
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the
+administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
+peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the
+war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note,
+and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
+troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose&mdash;from golden visions
+and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet &quot;piping time of peace,&quot; he
+sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in Beauty's siren lap
+reclined he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwines
+with flowers his shining sword nor through the livelong lazy summer's day
+chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns
+the amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and
+clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where
+late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears
+the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield, and shakes
+the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns
+for deeds of glorious chivalry.</p>
+
+<p>But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any <i>preux
+chevalier</i>, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New
+Amsterdam.<a name='Page_265'></a> This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic
+writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing
+aspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and
+such-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance
+they had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunning
+statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a
+C&aelig;sar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical
+flourish is this: that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found
+it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its
+scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in
+which his mighty soul so much delighted.</p>
+
+<p>Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination; or rather, I
+behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs in the family mansion of the
+Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His
+regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of
+large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin; the
+voluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly
+behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored
+trunk-breeches, a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our
+day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who
+scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceeding
+terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair strutting out
+on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail
+queue below his waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting his
+chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fiery
+air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the
+Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his
+solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little in
+advance, in order to strengthen his position, his <a name='Page_266'></a>right hand grasping a
+gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword, his head
+dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored
+frown upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most commanding,
+bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas.
+Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation.</p>
+
+<p>In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir,
+and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages,
+sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword.
+Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold of
+Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of New
+Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy
+of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir; for Master David
+Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as
+&quot;weighing upwards of four hundred pounds,&quot; a huge feeder, and bouser in
+proportion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. He had a
+garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, guzzling, deep-drinking
+swashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort
+Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the
+land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction.</p>
+
+<p>To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to their
+High Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives as
+discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land
+measurer, Ten Broeck.</p>
+
+<p>To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by
+the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoat
+government of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortal
+that wore a breeches who should <a name='Page_267'></a>dare to meddle even with the hem of her
+sacred garment.</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some time
+by these windy commanders; Van-Poffenburgh, however, had served under
+William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor
+Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, now
+determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly he descended the
+river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one
+Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of Helsenburg.</p>
+
+<p>And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty
+commanders, striving to outstrut and outswell each other, like a couple of
+belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the
+tallest flag-staff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was a
+furious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress, and,
+whichever had the wind in its favor, would keep up a continual firing of
+cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gunpowder.</p>
+
+<p>On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;
+but so it happened that the Swedish fortress being lower down the river,
+all the Dutch vessels, bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to pass
+it. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, and
+compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of his
+battery.</p>
+
+<p>This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, and
+sorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld the
+flag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten
+his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a huge
+trencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every Dutch
+merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all the
+little <a name='Page_268'></a>round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, the
+sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutch
+luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he
+may have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their commodities,
+but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison,
+who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and diverted into the
+larders of the hostile camps? For some time this war of the cupboard was
+carried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, while
+the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs,
+daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in,
+and now, lo and behold! a great miracle was wrought for the relief of the
+Nederlands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of Egypt; for it
+came to pass that a great cloud of mosquitos arose out of the marshy
+borders of the river, and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, being
+doubtless attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the Swedish
+gormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which was
+as big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufficient to
+attract the mosquito from every part of the country. For some time the
+garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain; the mosquitos
+penetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor
+night; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with
+mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of his
+nose. Finally, the garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, and
+obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitos
+followed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of the
+country; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterward, and Jan
+Claudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, <a name='Page_269'></a>of which General Van
+Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of the
+Nieuw-Nederlands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the
+miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg,
+it fell to ruin, but the story of its strange destruction was perpetuated
+by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle.<a name='FNanchor_47'></a><a href='#Footnote_47'><sup>[47]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_47'></a><a href='#FNanchor_47'>[47]</a><div class='note'><p> Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this
+miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N.Y. Hist. Col., new series,
+vol. i., p. 412.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms
+largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been
+rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a
+Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal, as
+crafty as he was rapacious, so that there is very little doubt that, had
+he lived some four or five centuries since, he would have figured as one
+of those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautiful
+princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and
+locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen,
+or any other convenience. In consequence of which enormities they fell
+under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant
+knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they
+might happen to find above six feet high; which is doubtless one reason
+why the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter
+ages are so exceedingly small.</p>
+
+<p>Governor Risingh, not withstanding his giantly condition, was, as I have
+hinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of General
+Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against <a name='Page_270'></a>the grain. On the
+contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir,
+displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The
+salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been
+dismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been napping at his
+post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by
+discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade.
+Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the
+fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be
+marvelously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them so
+many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land with a
+military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilderness.</p>
+
+<p>And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to
+receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing
+appearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to
+the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty,
+by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in a
+little man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirts
+scarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of the
+sleeves; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair
+of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head,
+and decorated with a bunch of cocks' tails; a third had a pair of rusty
+gaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-legged
+fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which
+he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. The
+rest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamuffins without
+shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them; wherefore
+they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that they
+might not disgrace the fortress.</p><a name='Page_271'></a>
+
+<p>His men being thus gallantly arrayed&mdash;those who lacked muskets
+shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in
+his shirttail and pull up his brogues&mdash;General Van Poffenburgh first took
+a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More, of
+More Hall,<a name='FNanchor_48'></a><a href='#Footnote_48'><sup>[48]</sup></a> was his invariable practice on all great occasions; this
+done, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his castle like
+a mighty giant just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met,
+then began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. The
+shrewd Risingh, who had grown grey much before his time, in consequence
+of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van
+Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies.</p>
+
+<p>Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other, they
+carried arms and they presented arms, they gave the standing salute and
+the passing salute, they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes,
+and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to the
+right, and they faced to the right about; they wheeled forward, and they
+wheeled backward, and they wheeled into echelon; they marched and they
+countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by
+subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, in
+slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the
+evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of
+Dundas; having exhausted all that they could recollect or image of
+military tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the
+like of which were never seen before or since, excepting among certain of
+our newly-raised militia, <a name='Page_272'></a>the two commanders and their respective troops
+came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war.
+Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatric
+heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other
+heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged,
+heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.</p>
+
+<p>These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgh
+escorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort,
+attended him throughout the fortifications, showed him the horn-works,
+crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places
+where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he
+pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of &quot;great capability,&quot;
+and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a
+formidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole
+garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and concluded by
+ordering the three Bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole,
+brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of his
+visitors, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian.</p>
+
+<p>The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with
+the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
+incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty
+followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperously
+in their sleeves.</p>
+
+<p>The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned
+to the table; for, among his other great qualities, the general was
+remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign
+would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole
+course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless
+<a name='Page_273'></a>victories do still remain on record, and the whole province was once
+thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was
+stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back
+him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly
+annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand
+cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty
+kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five
+pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron,
+besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff: an
+achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his
+all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let Van
+Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little
+while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit of
+Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and
+privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans to rob
+all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigstyes under
+contribution: a service which they discharged with such zeal and
+promptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their
+spoils.</p>
+
+<p>I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van
+Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet: it was a sight
+worth beholding: there he sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by his
+soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues
+he did most ably imitate, telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth
+adventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his auditors knew
+them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they cast
+up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment.
+Nor could the general pronounce <a name='Page_274'></a>anything that bore the remotest
+resemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist
+upon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in the
+chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it was
+the best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and
+hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh
+ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and his
+whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain,
+dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic
+toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in
+Chancery.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, who
+had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them
+neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all its
+dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at
+the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be
+made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications in
+order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schute, otherwise
+called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command,
+and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its
+puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore
+no little resemblance to a &quot;deboshed fish,&quot; or bloated sea-monster, caught
+upon dry land.</p>
+
+<p>The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of
+intelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted in
+his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter
+Stuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as did
+whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the
+Turks.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_48'></a><a href='#FNanchor_48'>[48]</a><div class='note'><p>
+<span style='margin-left: 5em;'>&quot;As soon as he rose,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>To make him strong and mighty,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>He drank by the tale, six pots of ale,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>And a quart of aqua vit&aelig;.&quot;</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 8em;'><i>Dragon of Wantley.</i></span>
+</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3><a name='Page_275'></a>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager
+sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine
+qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety
+to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting
+after secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly
+and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but
+whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded
+in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' end to find it out, and
+takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the
+world.</p>
+
+<p>It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to be
+prying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate
+chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthy
+congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen
+excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so
+baneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders&mdash;such a
+stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions; betraying
+them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by
+any but a female head.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the
+cunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison he should for a
+long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the
+gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least
+expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of
+enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.</p><a name='Page_276'></a>
+
+<p>This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the
+garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be
+self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about
+the world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the
+skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison and
+country village has one or more scapegoats of this kind, whose life is a
+kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord
+knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no
+other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of
+idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood
+in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and cast
+of countenance, but more especially by his propensities and habits. He was
+a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was generally
+equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. His
+hair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a little
+to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian
+mixture, are half civilized, half savage, and half devil&mdash;a third half
+being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar
+reasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky
+are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the settlers on the
+Mississippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence.</p>
+
+<p>The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as
+applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk.
+Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one&mdash;was an utter enemy to
+work, holding it in no manner of estimation&mdash;but lounging about the fort,
+depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could
+get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or
+two he was <a name='Page_277'></a>sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors;
+which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled
+not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented.
+Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from
+the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time; skulking about the
+woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in
+ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catching
+fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable
+bird of the crane family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his crimes
+had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a
+bundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and
+would exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcase,
+he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that
+swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in
+the country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he would
+make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole
+neighborhood at his heels; like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in
+his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; and
+from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and
+from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have
+dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh.</p>
+
+<p>When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave
+Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to
+room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound whom nobody
+noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people,
+his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he
+overheard the whole plot of the<a name='Page_278'></a> Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his
+own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the
+perfect jack-of-both-sides&mdash;that is to say, he made a prize of everything
+that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked
+hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of
+Risingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels, just before
+the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison.</p>
+
+<p>Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he
+directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had
+formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of
+misfortune in business&mdash;that is to say, having been detected in the act of
+sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through
+swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a world
+of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a
+backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank
+as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled
+over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to Governor
+Stuyvesant, and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole
+course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair.</p>
+
+<p>On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his
+seat&mdash;dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the
+chimney&mdash;thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek&mdash;pulled
+up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was
+customary with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But, as
+I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing.
+His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump
+upstairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his armory, from whence he
+drew forth that identical <a name='Page_279'></a>suit of regimentals described in the preceding
+chapter. In these portentous habiliment she arrayed himself, like Achilles
+in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence,
+knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth.
+Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor, and jerked down
+his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended;
+but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as
+his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron
+visage; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five
+long weeks; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon
+be warm work in the province!</p>
+
+<p>Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his
+very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put
+himself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Van Corlear hither and
+thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked
+lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to
+assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters,
+according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle,
+shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and
+stumping up and downstairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant
+motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times,
+the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper
+hooping a flour-barrel.</p>
+
+<p>A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not
+to be trifled with; the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber,
+seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their long
+pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his excellency and his
+regimentals; being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered,
+nor taken by surprise. The governor, <a name='Page_280'></a>looking around for a moment with a
+lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his
+sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner,
+addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue.</p>
+
+<p>I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides,
+Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told,
+with the speeches of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the most
+accurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled wonderfully
+to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains
+of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly
+pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold,
+however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his
+rugged subject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of
+phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to
+shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in
+very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his
+determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these
+costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this
+hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usual
+signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the
+middle of the harangue (their &quot;usual custom in the afternoon&quot;), they made
+not the least objection.</p>
+
+<p>And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and
+preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither,
+calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of
+the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day,
+and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for I
+would have you note that you warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of
+<a name='Page_281'></a>conquerors are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are
+equal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the halberds or the
+whipping-post, for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die whether they
+shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall,
+at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen.</p>
+
+<p>But, not withstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of
+honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of
+New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that
+home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great
+Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war, and sweet revenge,
+determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily
+citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up
+among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky,
+delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous
+expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty
+squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly
+victualed; which being performed, he attended public service at the great
+church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and then leaving
+peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes
+marshaled out and appointed against his return, departed upon his
+recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of
+nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific
+warmth, when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless
+Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the
+fair <a name='Page_282'></a>island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked was
+sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which
+fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the
+stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight,
+after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with
+periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers
+the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the
+matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer,
+unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and
+discolorers of canvas.</p>
+
+<p>Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the
+Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom
+of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean,
+seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the
+illustrious burden it sustained.</p>
+
+<p>But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the
+contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this
+degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this
+mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark
+forest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sail
+of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here
+and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the
+mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent
+atmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage
+children, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as
+faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure
+vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice,
+the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it
+passed below, <a name='Page_283'></a>and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away
+into the thickets of the forest.</p>
+
+<p>Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now
+did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which sprang up
+like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were
+fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty
+spirit of Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes
+of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan
+Bay, whose wide extended shores present a variety of delectable scenery;
+here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into
+the bay; there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich
+luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, while at a distance,
+a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the
+water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening
+among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection
+into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural
+paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties; the velvet-tufted
+lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh
+and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village,
+or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter.</p>
+
+<p>The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning
+magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial
+sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills,
+and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while along the
+borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight
+caitiffs, disturbed at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in
+sullen reluctance upon the mountains. As such times all was brightness,
+and life, and gayety; the atmosphere <a name='Page_284'></a>was of an indescribable pureness and
+transparency; the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the
+freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the
+sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the
+earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and
+magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; the
+seamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that
+involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the
+rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled
+mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens; excepting that now
+and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted
+savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering ray
+of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains.</p>
+
+<p>But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did
+the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy
+heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are
+inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just
+served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery.
+The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern, in the broad
+masses of shade, the separating line between the land and water, or to
+distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the
+busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious
+craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks
+frowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers, and high
+embattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and
+the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand
+shadowy beings.</p>
+
+<p>Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an <a name='Page_285'></a>innumerable variety of
+insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert;
+while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will,
+who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his
+incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened
+with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely
+echoed from the shore&mdash;now and then startled, perchance, by the whoop of
+some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth
+upon his nightly prowlings.</p>
+
+<p>Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those
+awful defiles denominated the Highlands, where it would seem that the
+gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up
+cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But
+in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capped mountains.
+These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes,
+formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho
+confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in
+adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous
+rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, in
+its career toward the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its
+tide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins.</p>
+
+<p>Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these it
+is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound
+throughout these awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angry
+clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when
+the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the
+thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled
+spirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their hideous uproar; for
+at such times it is said that they think <a name='Page_286'></a>the great Manetho is returning
+once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable
+captivity.</p>
+
+<p>But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant
+Stuyvesant; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud
+anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble
+their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the
+helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or
+to come; those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking under
+the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who,
+seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history of
+those myriads of fireflies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the
+dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race
+of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before
+the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called
+brimstones; and who, for their innumerable sins against the children of
+men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to
+infest the earth in the shade of these threatening and terrible little
+bugs; enduring the internal torments of that fire, which they formerly
+carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are
+sentenced to bear about for ever&mdash;in their tails!</p>
+
+<p>And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will
+hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a
+word in this whole history&mdash;for nothing which it contains is more true. It
+must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very
+lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of
+Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious
+stones, the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus
+grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now <a name='Page_287'></a>thus it happened,
+that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his
+burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley,
+contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the
+illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendor from behind a high bluff of
+the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the
+refulgent nose of the sounder of brass; the reflection of which shot
+straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty
+sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster being with
+infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the
+crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound,
+where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was the
+first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in those parts by Christian
+people.<a name='FNanchor_49'></a><a href='#Footnote_49'><sup>[49]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant,
+and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed,
+marveled exceedingly: and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of
+Antony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it has
+continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time.</p>
+
+<p>But hold, whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany
+the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; for
+never was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a river
+so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally
+recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew
+were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by a
+gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a <a name='Page_288'></a>flat rock,
+which projected into the river, and which is called the Duyvel's
+Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes
+thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring.</p>
+
+<p>Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these
+fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the
+charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy
+childhood&mdash;recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments
+which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless Time!
+shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before
+thee?&mdash;hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run
+ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal
+crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt,
+will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great
+city of New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_49'></a><a href='#FNanchor_49'>[49]</a><div class='note'><p> The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about
+Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the settlement
+thereof, says, &quot;There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we
+Christians do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the
+shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch
+settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors
+was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable
+fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly
+particular; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host
+that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present
+denominated the Bowling Green.</p>
+
+<p>In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the
+manhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the
+lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the <a name='Page_289'></a>valiant Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;
+they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being
+the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the
+amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.<a name='FNanchor_50'></a><a href='#Footnote_50'><sup>[50]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer,
+Michael Paw<a name='FNanchor_51'></a><a href='#Footnote_51'><sup>[51]</sup></a>, who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia,
+and the lands away south, even unto the Navesink Mountains,<a name='FNanchor_52'></a><a href='#Footnote_52'><sup>[52]</sup></a> and was,
+moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty
+squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a
+sea-green field, being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis,
+Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily
+armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, and
+overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their
+hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of
+Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled to
+have sprung from oysters.</p>
+
+<p>At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the
+neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams and the
+Van Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as <a name='Page_290'></a>their names betoken; they were
+terrible looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that
+curious colored cloth called thunder and lightning, and bore as a standard
+three devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field.</p>
+
+<p>Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the
+Waale-Boght<a name='FNanchor_53'></a><a href='#Footnote_53'><sup>[53]</sup></a> and the country thereabouts; these were of a sour aspect,
+by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were
+the first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood, called
+Flymarket shirks; and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the
+far-famed step in dancing, called &quot;double trouble.&quot; They were commanded by
+the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, a jolly band of
+Breuckelen<a name='FNanchor_54'></a><a href='#Footnote_54'><sup>[54]</sup></a> ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells.</p>
+
+<p>But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to
+describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and
+sundry other places, well known in history and song&mdash;for now do the notes
+of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar from
+beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while
+relieved; for, lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognized
+the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter
+Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at the
+head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the
+Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces,
+as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the
+head of Wall Street.</p>
+
+<p>First of all came the Van Brummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of
+the Bronx: these were short <a name='Page_291'></a>fat men, wearing exceeding large
+trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher; they were the
+first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched
+the Van Vlotens, or Kaats-kill, horrible quavers of new cider, and arrant
+braggarts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus,
+dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus
+breed; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the
+word Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'
+nests, as their name denotes; to these, if report may be believed, are we
+indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van
+Higginbottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferrules and
+birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the
+marvelous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect.
+Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair
+round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their
+canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson and
+thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats: such as robbing
+water-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and
+by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails; these were the ancestors of
+the renowned congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing,
+great choristers and players upon the jewsharp; these marched two and two,
+singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens of Sleepy
+Hollow; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first
+discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint
+bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the
+Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for
+their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of
+Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick <a name='Page_292'></a>with the left
+foot; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons by
+moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and
+noted for running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns; they
+were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the
+Knickerbockers, of the great town of Schaghtikoke, where the folk lay
+stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away.
+These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, a
+goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but,
+in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken, books; plainly
+meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books; from them did
+descend the writer of this history.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand
+gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of many
+more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten
+to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial
+pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of
+warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his
+much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir.</p>
+
+<p>But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will be
+found in the sequel of this faithful history, let us pause to notice the
+fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the
+armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of
+human nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable
+discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set
+afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality
+a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that he had long
+been in the practice of privately communicating with <a name='Page_293'></a>the Swedes; together
+with divers hints about &quot;secret service money.&quot; To all which deadly
+charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve.</p>
+
+<p>Certain it is that the general vindicated his character by the most
+vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
+honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
+Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers
+at his heels&mdash;sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and
+who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice&mdash;heroes of
+his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking
+swaggerers&mdash;not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox,
+and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all his
+quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man
+that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him
+alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns,
+and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering
+execration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery.</p>
+
+<p>All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
+certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, of
+unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he was
+continually protesting on the honor of a soldier&mdash;a marvelously
+high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so
+far as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue of
+plaster of Paris.</p>
+
+<p>But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending
+privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard
+all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations,
+and ejaculations&mdash;&quot;Harkee, comrade,&quot; cried he, &quot;though by your <a name='Page_294'></a>own
+account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole
+province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced,
+and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a
+man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally
+innocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless for
+some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your
+innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I
+cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise,
+nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust.
+Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public
+life, with this comforting reflection&mdash;that if guilty, you are but
+enjoying your just reward&mdash;and if innocent, you are not the first great
+and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this
+wicked world&mdash;doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where
+there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime,
+let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the
+countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_50'></a><a href='#FNanchor_50'>[50]</a><div class='note'><p> This was likewise a great seal of the New Netherlands, as
+may still be seen in ancient records.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_51'></a><a href='#FNanchor_51'>[51]</a><div class='note'><p> Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found
+mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which
+says, &quot;De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th
+Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N.B.&mdash;The same Michael Paw
+had what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore,
+opposite New York: and his overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst,
+a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at
+Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst.&quot;</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_52'></a><a href='#FNanchor_52'>[52]</a><div class='note'><p> So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited
+these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink, or
+Neversunk, mountains.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_53'></a><a href='#FNanchor_53'>[53]</a><div class='note'><p> Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the
+navy-yard is situated.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_54'></a><a href='#FNanchor_54'>[54]</a><div class='note'><p> Now spelt Brooklyn.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a
+confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into it
+is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all
+differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end
+of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I
+have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I
+warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son of
+a Dutchman; for I scarcely <a name='Page_295'></a>ever gave them a civil word, nor so much as
+touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged
+along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax,
+to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse,
+until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of
+regard for them. This is just my way&mdash;I am always a little cold and
+reserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care for
+and am only to be completely won by long intimacy.</p>
+
+<p>Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do
+acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were
+merely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the title
+page walked off without saying a word; while others lingered yawningly
+through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity,
+soon dropped off one by one, but more especially to try their mettle, I
+had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was used
+by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who, before he admitted
+any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself
+superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps,
+slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a
+word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did
+I cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty
+chapters, where they were most woefully belabored and buffeted by a host
+of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave
+man, yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter
+confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead
+(asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the
+first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they
+had fairly run it out of sight; when they stopped to take <a name='Page_296'></a>breath, to tell
+their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others
+from venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks
+more and more; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a
+comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered
+condition, through the five introductory chapters.</p>
+
+<p>What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted
+recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No&mdash;no; I reserved my
+friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me
+company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to
+those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand.
+Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades! who have
+faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings&mdash;I salute you
+from my heart&mdash;I pledge myself to stand by you to the last; and to conduct
+you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my
+fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking.</p>
+
+<p>But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a
+bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking
+their tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin to
+resound with portentous clangour&mdash;the drums beat&mdash;the standards of the
+Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw wave proudly in the air. And
+now behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of
+yon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops which are to waft the
+army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!</p>
+
+<p>The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to
+behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous
+to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, many a
+fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The
+<a name='Page_297'></a>grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada could not have
+been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of
+Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam
+on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick maiden fondly
+crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts; many a
+copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of
+eternal constancy: and there remain extant to this day some love verses
+written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible to
+confound the whole universe.</p>
+
+<p>But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses how they hung about the
+doughty Antony Van Corlear; for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty
+bachelor, fond of his joke, and withall a desperate rogue among the women.
+Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away, for
+besides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add that he
+was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting
+disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands; and this made him
+to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing
+could keep the valiant Antony from following the heels of the old
+governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul: so embracing all the
+young vrouws, and giving every one of them, that had good teeth and rosy
+lips, a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes.</p>
+
+<p>Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of
+public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the
+follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had
+become strangely popular among the people. There is something so
+captivating in personal bravery that, with the common mass of mankind, it
+takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdam
+looked upon Peter<a name='Page_298'></a> Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that
+trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and
+admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell
+about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children
+of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and
+exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of
+old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, Old Put) during our
+glorious revolution.</p>
+
+<p>Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for
+Beelzebub himself; and there was even a story told, with great mystery,
+and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one
+dark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate; but this
+I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let
+fall a drop to discolor the pure stream of history!</p>
+
+<p>Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered Peter
+Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public
+welfare was secure, so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising,
+then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy
+hearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the
+riverside to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner gave a
+short but truly patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he
+recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects&mdash;to go to
+church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week
+besides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their
+husbands&mdash;looking after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing all
+gossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short tongues and long
+petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public
+concerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed to
+support them&mdash;staying at home, like <a name='Page_299'></a>good citizens, making money for
+themselves, and getting children for the benefit of the country. That the
+burgomasters should look well to the public interest&mdash;not oppressing the
+poor nor indulging the rich&mdash;not tasking their ingenuity to devise new
+laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made&mdash;rather
+bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it; ever
+recollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as
+guardians of public morals than ratcatchers, employed to entrap public
+delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich
+and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them that
+if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule,
+there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well
+enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthony
+sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a
+shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down the
+bay.</p>
+
+<p>The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery&mdash;that blest
+resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a
+fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel,
+after the lessening barque, bearing her adventurous swain to distant
+climes! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant
+squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land
+at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent
+tongues and downcast countenances.</p>
+
+<p>A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city; the honest burghers smoked
+their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to the
+weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old women, having
+no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their
+children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sun
+down.</p><a name='Page_300'></a>
+
+<p>In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on
+its voyage, and after encountering about as many storms, and waterspouts,
+and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally befall
+adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind; and after undergoing
+a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady, called
+sea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware.</p>
+
+<p>Without so much as dropping anchor, and giving his wearied ships time to
+breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued
+his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort
+Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from
+the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of
+thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte,
+the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by
+reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a
+broken bellows&mdash;&quot;that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except
+that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to
+maintain his post to the last extremity.&quot; He requested time, therefore, to
+consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose.</p>
+
+<p>The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously
+taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed
+armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred
+fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten
+minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run
+the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled
+shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty
+sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that
+doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened
+terror into <a name='Page_301'></a>the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men to
+bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three
+muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two braces of horse-pistols.</p>
+
+<p>In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshaled all his forces, and
+commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very
+Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet&mdash;the lusty
+choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle&mdash;the
+warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astounding
+blast on their conch shells, altogether forming as outrageous a concerto
+as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a
+modern overture.</p>
+
+<p>Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the
+garrison with sore dismay&mdash;or whether the concluding terms of the summons,
+which mentioned that he should surrender &quot;at discretion,&quot; were mistaken by
+Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered
+man, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say;
+certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand.
+Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone
+after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the
+rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of
+both parties; who, not withstanding their great stomach for fighting, had
+full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black
+eyes and bloody noses.</p>
+
+<p>Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of
+their High Mightinesses; Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were
+allowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter, who
+was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their
+arms and ammunition&mdash;the same on inspection being found totally unfit for
+service, having long rusted in <a name='Page_302'></a>the magazine of the fortress, even before
+it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I must
+not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service
+of his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great
+fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the
+vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto
+this very day.</p>
+
+<p>The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedes
+occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam; nay, certain
+factious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings in
+the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their
+meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened by
+his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard
+in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no knowing
+whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and
+invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-stick
+to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of
+his counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after
+held their peace.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful
+of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold
+quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his
+projecting eyes rolled greedily round, devouring everything at table; so
+did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for martial glory,
+which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir,
+and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No <a name='Page_303'></a>sooner,
+therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on,
+flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.<a name='FNanchor_55'></a><a href='#Footnote_55'><sup>[55]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it
+is improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that crafty
+governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider in
+the citadel of his web.</p>
+
+<p>But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting
+of two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and
+hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into
+precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the
+general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged
+the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by
+animating harangues; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of
+the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the
+prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and
+enlist the passions of his readers; and having set them all on fire with
+the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head,
+flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight.</p>
+
+<p>An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of
+historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of
+the Peloponnesian War, one of his commentators observes that &quot;he sounds
+that charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the
+allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our
+attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to
+be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is
+interested in the dispute. The earth totters, <a name='Page_304'></a>and nature seems to labor
+with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out.
+Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states;
+and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great
+and noble method.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril:
+having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions,
+surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at this
+important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter,
+I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are
+to follow.</p>
+
+<p>And here I would premise one great advantage, which, as historian, I
+possess over my reader; and this it is, that though I cannot save the life
+of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both
+which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present
+reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can
+now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient
+to fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything
+of the kind; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the
+field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon
+round the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered one
+another in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to
+make the most humble apology.</p>
+
+<p>I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out, &quot;foul
+play!&quot; whenever I render a little assistance to my hero; but I consider it
+one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which
+has never been disputed. An historian is in fact, as it were, bound in
+honor to stand by his hero&mdash;the fame of the latter is intrusted to his
+hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a
+general, an admiral, or <a name='Page_305'></a>any other commander, who, in giving an account of
+any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I have no
+doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements,
+they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount.
+Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to
+do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen
+to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their
+descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take
+fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please.</p>
+
+<p>Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath long
+itched for a battle&mdash;siege after siege have I carried on without blows or
+bloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and
+St. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please,
+neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian did ever
+record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now
+about to engage.</p>
+
+<p>And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I
+could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy&mdash;trust the
+fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me; for by the rood, come what may,
+I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about these
+losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant
+Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight
+another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly
+Swedes pay for it.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Forth Christina, than he
+proceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on running
+his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress
+to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked
+at <a name='Page_306'></a>the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and
+onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were
+here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor
+Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man,
+and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a
+leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off
+with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of
+foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the
+Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself
+with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to
+make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the
+grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the
+grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his most
+hard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder,
+with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the
+glass.</p>
+
+<p>This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and
+demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few
+words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his
+excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a
+recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding
+with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turned
+aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous
+blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it had
+doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that
+melodious instrument.</p>
+
+<p>Governor Risingh heard him through trumpet and all, but with infinite
+impatience; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of
+his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel <a name='Page_307'></a>watch-chain, or snapping
+his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter
+Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d&mdash;&mdash;, whither he hoped to send
+him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing his
+brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, &quot;'Fore gad,&quot; quoth he,
+&quot;but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scabbard of the
+smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman.&quot; Then having flung a
+fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his
+messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal, with all the
+ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador, of so
+great a commander; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed
+with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he let
+fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly
+have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder magazine
+about the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been remarkably
+strong, and the magazine bomb proof. Perceiving that the works withstood
+this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible, as it really was
+in those unphilosophic days, to carry on a war with words, he ordered his
+merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange
+murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van
+Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to
+man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For
+once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale; for he
+verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous
+trial, and thus to tarnish forever the fame of the province of New
+Netherlands.</p>
+
+<p>But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he
+deeply wronged this most undaunted <a name='Page_308'></a>army; for the cause of this agitation
+and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it
+would almost have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to
+have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it
+was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full
+stomach, and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that
+they came to be so renowned in arms.</p>
+
+<p>And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty
+comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the
+contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their
+canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be the
+last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise
+my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to
+a close; giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken of
+this armistice to surprise, or in anywise molest the honest Nederlanders
+while at their vigorous repast.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_55'></a><a href='#FNanchor_55'>[55]</a><div class='note'><p> At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or
+Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post road to
+Baltimore.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>&quot;Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast,&quot; and finding themselves
+wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field.
+Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation now
+stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still,
+that it might witness the affray, like a round-bellied alderman watching
+the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all
+mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Cristina. The sun,
+like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the
+heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep
+between the unmannerly <a name='Page_309'></a>clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The
+historians filled their inkhorns; the poets went without their dinners,
+either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could
+not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave to see
+itself outdone; while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy
+of retrospection on the eventful field.</p>
+
+<p>The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the &quot;affair&quot; of Troy,
+now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or
+mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a
+finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith
+to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her
+chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull
+paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a
+sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully Mars stuck two
+horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly
+swaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged in
+their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune.</p>
+
+<p>On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes
+over night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her
+haughty beauties on a baggage wagon; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler,
+tacked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in
+exceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language), by way of
+keeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while Vulcan halted as a
+club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All
+was silent awe or bustling preparation, war reared his horrid front,
+gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling
+bayonets.</p>
+
+<p>And now the mighty chieftains marshaled out <a name='Page_310'></a>their hosts. Here stood stout
+Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, incrusted with stockades and in
+trenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the
+breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and
+his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the
+ramparts like a grisly death's head.</p>
+
+<p>There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists
+clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire
+that raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudged
+valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and
+yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes.
+Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the
+Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van Nesses, the Van
+Tassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van
+Blarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams; the Van Pelts, the
+Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks,
+the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van
+Bummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander
+Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles; there came the Hoffmans,
+the Hooglands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the
+Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks,
+the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the
+Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the
+Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten
+Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose
+names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would
+be impossible for man to utter&mdash;all fortified with a <a name='Page_311'></a>mighty dinner, and,
+to use the words of a great Dutch poet,</p>
+
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>&quot;Brimful of wrath and cabbage.&quot;</span><br />
+
+<p>For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and
+mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting
+them to fight like <i>duyvels</i>, and assuring them that if they conquered,
+they should get plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed the
+satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of
+their country; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed
+in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other
+great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore
+to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it
+for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or
+playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it
+like a snake in spring time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he
+brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a
+charge, and shouting the words, &quot;St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes!&quot;
+courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the
+interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths,
+gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke.</p>
+
+<p>The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until
+they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in
+horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended
+the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that the
+very hills quaked around, and were terrified even into an incontinence of
+water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which
+continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would <a name='Page_312'></a>have
+bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minerva
+kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual
+custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads at the moment
+of discharge.</p>
+
+<p>The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling
+tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen
+prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff like the giant Blanderon
+his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a
+horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the
+Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore,
+and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so
+justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of
+Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great song
+of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on a
+marauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches.</p>
+
+<p>In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Anthony's Nose,
+struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in
+a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So
+also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with
+the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of
+the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout
+but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the
+Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I
+omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a
+good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish
+drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would
+infallibly have annihilated on <a name='Page_313'></a>the spot, but that he had come into the
+battle with no other weapon but his trumpet.</p>
+
+<p>But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and
+the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts of
+Esopus, together with the Van Riepers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all
+before them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with
+many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in
+their thunder and lightning gaberdines; and, lastly, the standard-bearers
+and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the
+Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening
+ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment of
+war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The
+heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;
+whack! went the broad-swords! thump! went the cudgels; crash! went the
+musket-strocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody
+noses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack,
+helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and
+tumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and splutter!
+cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the
+mine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trumpet of Antony
+Van Corlear, until all voice and sound became unintelligible; grunts of
+pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor.
+The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast,
+and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits; and
+even Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in
+breathless terror!</p>
+
+<p>Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by
+the &quot;cloud-compelling<a name='Page_314'></a> Jove,&quot; in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth
+a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but
+pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at
+this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling
+toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in
+mute astonishment until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the
+flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant
+chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed
+Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who
+had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These
+now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor,
+so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marching
+exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt.</p>
+
+<p>And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders,
+having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavern
+to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had
+well-night ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the
+front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh,
+levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this
+assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous
+warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants, broke through
+the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the
+surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw
+was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sterned
+fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear, and applying their feet <i>a
+parte poste</i> of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that
+prodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the renowned Michael Paw
+himself fail to receive <a name='Page_315'></a>divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of
+shoe leather.</p>
+
+<p>But what, O Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw
+his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar,
+enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new
+courage at the sound; or rather, they rallied at the voice of their
+leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in
+Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword
+in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements
+worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank
+before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs,
+into the own ditch; but, as he pushed forward singly with headlong
+courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow
+full at his heart; but the protecting power which watches over the great
+and the good turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a side
+pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the
+shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing the
+portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an
+angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurable
+queue, &quot;Ah, whoreson caterpillar,&quot; roared he, &quot;here's what shall make
+worms' meat of thee!&quot; So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow
+that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck
+short, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At this moment an
+arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim;
+but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter,
+seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows,
+who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming
+from the touch-hole.</p>
+
+<p>Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, <a name='Page_316'></a>surveying the field from
+the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and
+kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering a
+thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such
+thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he
+strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans.</p>
+
+<p>When the rival heroes came face to face, each made prodigious start, in
+the style of a veteran stage champion. Then did they regard each other for
+a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a
+clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then
+into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right
+side, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity.
+Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this
+direful encounter&mdash;an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of
+Ajax with Hector, of Aeneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of
+Warwick and Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen
+of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and
+holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his
+opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very
+chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly,
+that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he
+carried his liquor: thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a
+deep coat pocket, stored with bread and cheese which provant rolling among
+the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and
+Dutchmen, and made the general battle wax ten times more furious than
+ever.</p>
+
+<p>Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh,
+collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest.
+In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The <a name='Page_317'></a>biting
+steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the
+crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the
+brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet,
+shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage.</p>
+
+<p>The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes, beheld a
+thousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; at
+length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on
+his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and
+might have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushion
+softer than velvet, which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some
+kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception.</p>
+
+<p>The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true
+knights, that &quot;fair play is a jewel,&quot; hastened to take advantage of the
+hero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant
+dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime
+of bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede
+staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol which
+lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let
+not my reader mistake; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder
+and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a
+double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear
+carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped
+from his wallet during his furious encounter with the drummer. The hideous
+weapon sang through the air, and true to its course, as was the fragment
+of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the
+gigantic Swede with matchless violence.</p>
+
+<p>This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of
+General Jan Risingh <a name='Page_318'></a>sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him; a
+death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with
+such violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have
+broken through the roof of his infernal palace.</p>
+
+<p>His fall was the signal of defeat and victory; the Swedes gave way, the
+Dutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly
+pursued. Some entered with them pell mell through the sallyport, others
+stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a
+little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, had
+stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss
+of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic
+ox-fly, sat perched on the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant; and it
+was declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his
+expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of
+glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle.
+Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a
+prodigious sweat and agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hot
+work! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give
+their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many
+horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughout
+this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single
+individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his
+queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all of which, he
+observes, as a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the
+interest of the narration.</p><a name='Page_319'></a>
+
+<p>This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirely
+from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I
+have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of
+the object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been
+terrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of
+Christina, yet, not withstanding that I have consulted every history,
+manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten
+battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in
+the whole affair.</p>
+
+<p>This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers,
+who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their
+achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most
+embarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous and
+unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and
+blood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and
+slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a
+multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk
+them by a reprieve.</p>
+
+<p>Had the Fates allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been
+content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden
+time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct; any one of whom, if we
+may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies,
+like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single
+arm.</p>
+
+<p>But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left
+me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and
+cuffs, and bruises, and such-like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but
+compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who,
+having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each
+other, is sadly put to it how to manage <a name='Page_320'></a>them, and how he shall make the
+end of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being mere
+spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any
+of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when
+I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst
+of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I to
+restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very
+waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so
+many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in the
+air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it
+should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman.</p>
+
+<p>The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a
+manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had
+to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded
+in history or song.</p>
+
+<p>From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity
+of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had once
+launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut
+down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting
+that he presented a fair mark; and that often a poor fellow was sent to
+grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a
+sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties:
+let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight
+harder than myself, but since the various records I consulted did not
+warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St.
+Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies,
+the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can
+discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright; and I
+should <a name='Page_321'></a>have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than
+manslaughter!</p>
+
+<p>And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking
+our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this
+moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are
+all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this
+world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so
+many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander
+away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever
+reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into
+ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may
+wither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. &quot;How
+many illustrious heroes,&quot; says the good Boetius, &quot;who were once the pride
+and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal
+oblivion!&quot; And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went to
+battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their
+achievements might be worthily recorded. Had not Homer turned his lofty
+lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained
+unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after
+all the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had nearly been the fate
+of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and
+engraved his name on the indellible tablet of history, just as the caitiff
+Time was silently brushing it away for ever!</p>
+
+<p>The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character of
+the historian. He is the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown or
+infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors on whom
+it depends whether they shall live in after ages, or be forgotten as were
+their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object of
+his tyranny exists; but <a name='Page_322'></a>the historian possesses superior might, for his
+power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and
+long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes,
+watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names
+with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the
+drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash
+upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings&mdash;that very drop, which to him
+is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable
+value to some departed worthy&mdash;may elevate half a score, in one moment, to
+immortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to
+ensure the glorious meed.</p>
+
+<p>Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vain-glorious
+boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On
+the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we
+historians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions and
+calamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I
+am a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so many
+illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their
+families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of
+fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kings
+desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what
+induces all great men, of all ages and countries, to commit so many
+victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon
+themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them
+into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in short,
+the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and privations, is
+nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame? Why, half a page of
+dirty paper! Alas, alas! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so
+great a man as Peter Stuyvesant <a name='Page_323'></a>should depend upon the pen of so little a
+man as Diedrich Knickerbocker!</p>
+
+<p>And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the
+field, it behoves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and
+inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of
+Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New
+Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the
+province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous
+deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in
+the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful and
+humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more
+galling by unmanly insults; for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, the
+renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to
+talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death, ordered no
+houses to be burnt down, permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on the
+property of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest officers a
+severe punishment with his walking-staff, for having been detected in the
+act of sacking a hen-roost.</p>
+
+<p>He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to
+the authority of their High Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampled
+clemency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public expense, in
+a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to
+wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms,
+about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of
+allegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain
+on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very
+day. I am told, however, by divers observant travelers, that they have
+never been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their ancestors; but
+that they still do strangely transmit, <a name='Page_324'></a>from father to son, manifest marks
+of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers.</p>
+
+<p>The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded to the arms of the
+triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed
+under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control
+of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary was
+called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-man, who derived his
+surname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his
+nose, which projected from the center of his countenance like the beak of
+a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of
+the most ancient and honorable families of the province; the members of
+which do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, nor as your
+noble families in England would do by having a glowing proboscis
+emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly
+nose stuck in the very middle of their faces.</p>
+
+<p>Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of
+only two men&mdash;Wolfet Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knocked
+overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van
+Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however,
+were immortalized as having bravely fallen in the service of their
+country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly
+fractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunately
+his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed.</p>
+
+<p>And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that
+this immaculate hero and his victorious army returned joyously to the
+Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with
+them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew who had
+refused allegiance; for it appears that the <a name='Page_325'></a>gigantic Swede had only
+fallen into a swoon at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily
+restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose.</p>
+
+<p>These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the
+governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, being the
+prison of state of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of
+Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in
+the possession of his descendants.<a name='FNanchor_56'></a><a href='#Footnote_56'><sup>[56]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New
+Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in
+the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave
+the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saving that he
+took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of
+vanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly
+entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle.</p>
+
+<p>The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchins
+who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads and
+sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war.
+As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant
+wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting,
+&quot;Hardkoppig Piet forever!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was
+prepared at the stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were
+assembled, in one glorious constellation, the great and little luminaries
+of New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy,
+the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows, the
+subaltern officers at the elbows of the <a name='Page_326'></a>schepens, and so on, down to the
+lowest hanger-on of police; every tag having his rag at his side, to
+finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of
+immortal dulness. In short&mdash;for a city feast is a city feast all over the
+world, and has been a city feast ever since the creation&mdash;the dinner went
+off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth of
+July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, oceans of
+liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with
+much obstreperous fat-sided laughter.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory Peter Stuyvesant
+was indebted for another of his many titles, for so hugely delighted were
+the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored
+him with the name of Pieter de Groodt; that is to say, Peter the Great;
+or, as it was translated into English by the people of New Amsterdam, for
+the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig&mdash;an appellation
+which he maintained even unto the day of his death.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_56'></a><a href='#FNanchor_56'>[56]</a><div class='note'><p> This castle, though very much altered, and modernized, is
+still in being and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing Coentie's
+Slip.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_VII'></a><h2><a name='Page_327'></a><i>BOOK VII.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG&mdash;HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH
+DYNASTY.</center>
+
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture
+of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn
+warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though
+returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was checked
+on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his
+short absence. His walking-staff which he had sent home to act as his
+vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council chamber in order; the
+counsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in grim repose upon the table,
+and smoking their pipes in silence; but its control extended not out of
+doors.</p>
+
+<p>The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack
+though fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the accession of
+Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs
+as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into
+stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing
+upon, the bit in restive silence.</p>
+
+<p>Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes,
+than the whole factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their
+heads <a name='Page_328'></a>above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to &quot;discuss the
+state of the nation,&quot; where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the
+self-dubbed &quot;friends of the people,&quot; once more felt themselves inspired
+with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement
+of government.</p>
+
+<p>Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the province
+by his individual will, his first move on his return, was to put a stop to
+this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening, when an inspired
+cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter
+suddenly made his appearance with his ominous walking staff in his hand,
+and a countenance sufficient to petrify a millstone. The whole meeting was
+thrown into confusion&mdash;the orators stood aghast, with open mouth and
+trembling knees, while &quot;Horror!&quot; &quot;Tyranny!&quot; &quot;Liberty!&quot; &quot;Rights!&quot; &quot;Taxes!&quot;
+&quot;Death!&quot; &quot;Destruction!&quot; and a host of other patriotic phrases, were bolted
+forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the
+skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, and pulling
+out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a
+town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family
+curiosity, requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The orator
+humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted
+with the nature of its construction. &quot;Nay, but,&quot; said Peter, &quot;try your
+ingenuity, man; you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the
+clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and why should it not
+be equally easy to regulate as to stop it?&quot; The orator declared that his
+trade was wholly different&mdash;that he was a poor cobbler, and had never
+meddled with a watch in his life&mdash;that there were men skilled in the art
+whose business it was to attend to those matters, but for his part he
+should only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion.<a name='Page_329'></a> &quot;Why,
+harkee, master of mine,&quot; cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him with a
+countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect
+lapstone, &quot;dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government to
+regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the
+principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest
+operations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a
+trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which
+is open to thy inspection?&mdash;Hence with thee to the leather and stone,
+which are emblems of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to
+the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee; but,&quot; elevating his voice
+until it made the welkin ring, &quot;if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe,
+meddling again with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll have
+every mother's bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for
+drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused the
+whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his
+head like his own swine's bristles; and not a knight of the thimble
+present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have
+verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in
+silent consternation: the pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken to
+regulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues,
+and take care of their families; and party feuds died away to such a
+degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterly
+ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired
+effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up,
+yet did it tend to injure the popularity of the great Peter with the
+thinking part of the community; that is to say, that part which think for
+others instead <a name='Page_330'></a>of for themselves; or, in other words, who attend to
+everybody's business but their own. These accused the old governor of
+being highly aristocratical, and in truth there seems to have been some
+ground for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty,
+soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, appearing,
+when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the antique flaundish cut, and was
+especially noted for having his sound leg, which was a very comely one,
+always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe.</p>
+
+<p>Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on the
+&quot;stoep&quot; before the door, under the shade of a great button-wood tree, but
+all visits of form and state were received with something of court
+ceremony in the best parlor, where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high
+chamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage,
+and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels.</p>
+
+<p>These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much caviled
+at by the thinking, and talking, part of the community. They had been
+accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in
+particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the Testy,
+and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity and
+reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have
+pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old
+governor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a
+country should be governed by wise men; but then it is almost equally
+important that the people should think them wise; for this belief alone
+can produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirable
+confidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of
+them as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men that gives
+them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence <a name='Page_331'></a>for
+office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to
+suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains
+access to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is
+governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in everything
+else; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and
+are not so wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he may
+occasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence,
+confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such
+was the case, say they, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy
+of access, he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits with him, and
+to find out the true dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind;
+and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be
+a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by
+conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great
+reverence. As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the public
+gave him credit for very profound ones; every movement, however
+intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very red
+stockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings of
+other men.</p>
+
+<p>Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was, that he had a great leaning
+in favor of the patricians; and, indeed, in his time rose many of those
+mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched
+out so luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date,
+such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden
+Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of
+&quot;Discoverers,&quot; from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from
+Communipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate
+and Buttermilk-channel, <a name='Page_332'></a>and discovered a site for New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>Others claimed to themselves the appellation of Conquerors, from their
+gallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at
+Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated,
+beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and
+extending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the
+Schermerhorns; a roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the Conqueror,
+and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical Dutch
+family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of
+the soil; these are the real &quot;beavers of the Manhattoes;&quot; and much does it
+grieve me in modern days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders,
+and more especially by those ingenious people, &quot;the Sons of the Pilgrims;&quot;
+who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the exchange,
+out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, that the
+tallest Dutch family mansion has not wind enough left for its weathercock.</p>
+
+<p>In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutch
+aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in
+round-crowned flaunderish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly
+gaberdine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his &quot;stoep&quot; and
+smoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain that
+the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes
+worrying about in dog day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one
+day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however,
+the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees
+sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the
+&quot;Copper-heads;&quot; while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity,
+and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping <a name='Page_333'></a>like an
+empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious
+appellation of &quot;Platter-breeches.&quot;</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have it
+imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with a
+rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he
+abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling
+multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in
+righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to
+give thirteen loaves to the dozen&mdash;a golden rule which remains a monument
+of his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable austerity, he
+delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice; and for this
+purpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his reign there was a
+great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also
+flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on the
+eve of the blessed St. Nicholas.</p>
+
+<p>New Year's Day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by
+the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains
+of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with
+cherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider; every house was a temple
+to the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure
+economy, taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year
+afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither
+repaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters,
+pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was
+devoutly observant of the pious<a name='Page_334'></a> Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind for
+a happy new year; and it is traditional that Antony the trumpeter, who
+acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as
+they passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus happily
+introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low that on New Year's
+Day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was the most
+thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom.</p>
+
+<p>Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the
+distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the
+hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every
+part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by
+Antony the Trumpeter, and the effect was marvelous. Instead of those
+&quot;indignation meetings&quot; set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where
+men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the
+times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the
+two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted &quot;quilting bees,&quot;
+and &quot;husking bees,&quot; and other rural assemblages, where, under the
+inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and
+followed up by the dance. &quot;Raising bees&quot; also were frequent, where houses
+sprang up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of Thebes
+sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion.</p>
+
+<p>Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those
+days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor came
+dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the
+land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlands were merry
+rather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of
+good humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from every
+hamlet along the Hudson!</p><a name='Page_335'></a>
+
+<p>Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his
+favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired that
+potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly
+assemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on
+Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of
+the Battery; with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here
+would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the
+old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would
+he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war, in
+the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to
+those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously; and now
+and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who
+held out longest, and tired down every competitor&mdash;infallible proof of her
+being the best dancer.</p>
+
+<p>Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of
+interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of
+course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen
+petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran
+through the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, but
+the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had
+marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for
+the &quot;poor thing,&quot; and even the governor himself appeared to be in some
+kind of perturbation.</p>
+
+<p>To complete the confusion of the good folk she undertook, in the course of
+a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing-master
+at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, some
+vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took
+place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great
+<a name='Page_336'></a>consternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, and
+the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized.</p>
+
+<p>The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion ever
+since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and though
+extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he
+immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce
+to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the
+gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than &quot;shuffle and turn,&quot;
+and &quot;double trouble;&quot; and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, any
+young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed &quot;exhibiting the graces.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these
+were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that
+becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are
+invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shown, was a
+sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasion
+to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the young
+vrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter were pushed any further,
+there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether; whereupon the
+good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after
+suffered the women to wear their petticoats, and cut their capers as high
+as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the
+Manhattoes unto the present day.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable
+picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of peace.
+It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are
+again gathering up from all points of the <a name='Page_337'></a>compass, and, if I am not
+mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing
+chapters.</p>
+
+<p>It is with some communities, as it is with certain meddlesome
+individuals&mdash;they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and I
+have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the
+least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the
+excessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that this
+rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined; which
+accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men and
+ugly little women more especially.</p>
+
+<p>Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlands; which,
+by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies;
+has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in a
+fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woebegone
+little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and
+sublimity to this pathetic history.</p>
+
+<p>The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused
+by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen.
+Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field, at
+the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg seeking to annex the whole of
+the Catskill mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of these
+mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the venerable
+Dutch settlements of Esopus.</p>
+
+<p>Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter
+Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all
+Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has
+recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg
+commotions, they are among the flatulencies which <a name='Page_338'></a>from time to time
+afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and
+which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence.</p>
+
+<p>The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy
+Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than
+enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race
+of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of
+whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellent
+history:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&quot;The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior,
+and attire&mdash;their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their
+tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long; carved at the great end
+with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of
+a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of a
+yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_57'></a><a href='#Footnote_57'><sup>[57]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind
+of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land;
+but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony
+of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland; so called because
+the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were
+prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They
+were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and
+jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to
+be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail,
+stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical
+merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks.</p>
+
+<p>This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, <a name='Page_339'></a>a British nobleman, was
+managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall,
+that is to say, &quot;offend all,&quot; a name given him for his bullying
+propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening
+him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the
+rightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of
+Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his
+Nederlanders out of the country.</p>
+
+<p>The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard, when
+he received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering
+menaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors of the
+Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to
+hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the
+whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as
+such, and he was but a little one.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River, and enacting
+scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity
+of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the
+Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to Mynheer
+Beekman to keep up a bold front and a stout heart, promising, as soon as
+he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with
+his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and
+mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_57'></a><a href='#FNanchor_57'>[57]</a><div class='note'><p> Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the
+crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaigns
+on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill
+Mountains, the <a name='Page_340'></a>twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually
+active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw
+Nederlands.</p>
+
+<p>Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings
+along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into
+the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into
+the land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, their
+men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle
+themselves down in the land and possess it; so these chosen people of
+modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style,
+conducting carts and waggons laden with household furniture, with women
+and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the
+tail of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided
+varlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, resolutely
+bent upon &quot;locating&quot; themselves, as they termed it, and improving the
+country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they
+were guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but it was notorious that,
+wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen gradually disappeared,
+retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men; being in some way
+or other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain
+English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which
+our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by
+which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions.</p>
+
+<p>He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt
+to be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw
+diplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to
+repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the
+sword in one hand and the olive-branch in the <a name='Page_341'></a>other, and giving them
+their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war.</p>
+
+<p>His privy council were astonished and dismayed when he announced his
+determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the
+rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and
+barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty
+weathercock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the
+iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described by
+Aristotle, and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily
+believed he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor
+called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical
+temperament.</p>
+
+<p>Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van
+Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him
+the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise.</p>
+
+<p>Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, yet
+by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow
+(having never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund,
+gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed
+to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter
+Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir.</p>
+
+<p>Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this
+command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted
+old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty&mdash;and he moreover
+still remembered the frolicing, and dancing, and bundling, and other
+disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of
+numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to
+encounter.</p>
+
+<p>Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant
+but his trumpeter, upon one <a name='Page_342'></a>of the most perilous enterprises ever
+recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture
+openly among a whole nation of foes&mdash;but, above all, for a plain,
+downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New
+England!&mdash;never was there known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since I
+have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto
+uncelebrated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and
+anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh, for
+a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose
+on it as on a feather-bed!</p>
+
+<p>Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee
+from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the
+powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough that I have followed
+thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid
+battle of Fort Christina? That I have been put incessantly to my trumps to
+keep them safe and sound&mdash;now warding off with my single pen the shower of
+dastard blows that fell upon thy rear&mdash;now narrowly shielding thee from a
+deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box&mdash;now casing thy dauntless skull with
+adamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword of
+the stout Risingh&mdash;and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but
+triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate
+means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thou
+still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong
+enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian?</p>
+
+<p>And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside the
+sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly
+red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of
+Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed
+steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the <a name='Page_343'></a>firmament, like a
+loitering coachman, half-an-hour behind his time. And now behold that imp
+of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned,
+switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing
+on his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such
+fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware.</p>
+
+<p>Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a
+broken-winded, walleyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low
+the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm; and his trumpet displayed
+vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which
+is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing
+out of the city gate, like an iron clad hero of yore, with his faithful
+squire at his heels; the populace following with their eyes, and shouting
+many a parting wish and hearty cheering, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet!
+Farewell, honest Antony! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous your
+return!&mdash;the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest
+trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather!</p>
+
+<p>Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers
+in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the
+occasion by Dominie &AElig;gidius Luyck,<a name='FNanchor_58'></a><a href='#Footnote_58'><sup>[58]</sup></a> who appears to have been the poet
+laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it
+was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower
+hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of Nature,
+as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael; which in
+those <a name='Page_344'></a>days was a sweet and rural valley, beautiful with many a bright
+wild flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and
+there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping
+hill, and almost buried in embowering trees.</p>
+
+<p>Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they
+encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were
+assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted
+on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them
+exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter,
+whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place,
+hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and
+mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five
+shillings for traveling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to
+a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees; but these the
+valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they
+bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their
+cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he
+escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag; who, with undaunted
+perseverance and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly
+switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered
+Narraganset pacer.</p>
+
+<p>But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along
+the course of the soft flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the
+song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain; now reflecting the
+lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the
+humble hamlet; now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the
+cheerful song of the peasant.</p>
+
+<p>At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio,
+order the sturdy<a name='Page_345'></a> Antony to sound a courteous salutation; though the
+manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay
+when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incomparable
+achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and
+they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold
+transgressions.</p>
+
+<p>But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving
+his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verily
+believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into
+their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which
+ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor
+of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to
+compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous
+furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed,
+so much does prowess in arms delight the gentler sex. The little children,
+too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his
+brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I
+omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding
+the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his
+trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The
+kind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all
+with infinite loving kindness, and was right pleased to see a crew of
+little trumpeters crowding round him for his blessing, each of whom he
+patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy
+molasses candy.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_58'></a><a href='#FNanchor_58'>[58]</a><div class='note'><p> This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in
+Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to &AElig;gidius Luyck in
+D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with Judith Isendoorn. (Old
+MSS.)</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3><a name='Page_346'></a>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant,
+followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through
+the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved
+province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British
+Cabinet.</p>
+
+<p>This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret
+instigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselves
+totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the
+Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British
+Government, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and delights of
+this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be
+sent out to invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land.</p>
+
+<p>These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion
+was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are assured
+by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astounding
+victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout
+Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the
+jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This
+jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore,
+who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted
+to him by the British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights.
+Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or
+Lond Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the
+kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British
+territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the
+Nederlanders.</p><a name='Page_347'></a>
+
+<p>The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on
+the part of his Majesty Charles the Second for the safety and well-being
+of his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the
+New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a
+continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British Crown by
+the pilgrims when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British
+oppression. All this goodly land thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he
+presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother the Duke of York, a
+donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give
+away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be
+merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway
+despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put
+his brother in complete possession of the premises.</p>
+
+<p>Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While
+the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in somber security, and the
+privy councillors are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter the
+Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country, in the
+confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council
+to terms, a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the
+Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing
+Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial.</p>
+
+<p>But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that in all warlike conflicts
+and doubtful perplexities he will every acquit himself like a gallant,
+noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge! Shine
+out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes; and the
+blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3><a name='Page_348'></a>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness
+is seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity, therefore, has been
+wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can
+never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace.
+In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an individual
+(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and
+misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur; and even when sinking
+under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than
+ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity.</p>
+
+<p>The vast Empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and
+concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of
+drowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the
+subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented
+nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and
+Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their
+contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano.
+The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years'
+distress and final conflagration. Paris rose in importance by the plots
+and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even the
+mighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for
+nothing of moment excepting the Plague, the Great Fire, and Guy Faux's
+Gunpowder Plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in silent
+obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch,
+as it were, immortality from the explosion.</p>
+
+<p>The above principle being admitted, my reader <a name='Page_349'></a>will plainly perceive that
+the city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high road
+to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is
+really a matter of astonishment how so small a State has been able in so
+short a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the
+province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the
+tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing in
+historic importance: and never could it have had a more appropriate
+chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+<p>This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daring
+progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached
+Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which
+was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van
+Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little
+in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great mind, he
+placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his
+left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and,
+with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode
+into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet
+before him in a manner to electrify the whole community.</p>
+<br />
+
+<p>Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such a
+hurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads out
+of windows; such gathering of knots in market-places Peter Stuyvesant was
+a straightforward man, and prone to do everything above board. He would
+have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a
+parley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to deal
+with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent
+forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style
+befitting <a name='Page_350'></a>the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply all
+kinds of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other courteous
+impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal
+to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein he
+was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long sufferings, and
+achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even said he was treated to
+a sight of Plymouth Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire.</p>
+
+<p>I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which
+time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite
+annoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling
+on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them
+to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic
+negotiations; a great deal was said and very little done; one conversation
+led to another; one conference begot misunderstandings which it took a
+dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found
+themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to
+an agreement.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered the brain and
+incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the
+dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact
+that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by
+sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him
+with subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by land!</p>
+
+<p>Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himself
+thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil! Now did he draw his
+trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the
+Amphictyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he
+resolve to fight his <a name='Page_351'></a>way throughout all the regions of the east, and to
+lay waste Connecticut river.</p>
+
+<p>Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on
+this ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no
+other councillor than thine own head; no other armour but an honest
+tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but
+St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter&mdash;did I not tremble
+when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers
+of New England?</p>
+
+<p>It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van
+Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the
+spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, and
+prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston.
+With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the
+present; to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations;
+and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the
+salvation of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; he
+forthwith dispatched a secret message to his councillors at New Amsterdam,
+apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a
+posture of defense, promising to come as soon as possible to their
+assistance. This done, he felt marvelously relieved, rose slowly, shook
+himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same
+manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle,
+in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress.</p>
+
+<p>And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this
+imminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going
+on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a
+turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thing
+<a name='Page_352'></a>with heart and soul he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and
+sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those
+things in person which in modern days are trusted to generals and
+ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an
+uproar&mdash;all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect which
+induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the
+renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community
+where every individual has a voice in public affairs; where every
+individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation; and where every
+individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his
+country&mdash;I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than
+such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues&mdash;such
+patriotic bawling&mdash;such running hither and thither&mdash;everybody in a
+hurry&mdash;everybody in trouble&mdash;everybody in the way, and everybody
+interrupting his neighbor&mdash;who is busily employed in doing nothing! It is
+like witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog&mdash;some
+dragging about empty engines, others scampering with full buckets, and
+spilling the contents into their neighbors' boots, and others ringing the
+church bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen,
+like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down
+scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing the
+attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the
+unfortunate, catches up some article of no value, and gallants it off with
+an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money;
+there another throws <a name='Page_353'></a>looking-glasses and china out of the window, to save
+them from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down
+the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of &quot;Fire! fire! fire!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>&quot;When the news arrived at Sinope,&quot; says Lucian&mdash;though I own the story is
+rather trite-&quot;that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants were
+thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms; others
+rolled stones to build up the walls; everybody, in short, was employed,
+and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find
+nothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country
+was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with
+might and main up and down the Gymnasium.&quot; In like manner did every
+mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the
+missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things
+in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. &quot;Every man,&quot; said the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, &quot;flew to arms!&quot; by which is meant that not one of
+our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an
+old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch
+fowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night without a
+lantern, nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest he
+should come unawares upon a British army; and we are informed that Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as
+the governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in his
+entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back.</p>
+
+<p>But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one
+which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popular
+meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, were
+extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment of
+<a name='Page_354'></a>unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress
+them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the
+orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and
+exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions
+to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was
+resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most
+formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth.
+This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately
+proposed&mdash;whether it were not possible and politic to exterminate Great
+Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only
+one arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punishment for his treasonable
+presumption, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered,
+which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards
+considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing.
+The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it
+was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was
+accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were
+wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous.
+Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, the
+old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and
+their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, the community
+began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low
+Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most woefully
+beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it
+was proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon the
+will of the New Amsterdammers.</p>
+
+<p>Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a
+multitude of the wiser inhabitants <a name='Page_355'></a>assembled, and having purchased all
+the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge
+bonfire, and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present who
+had a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw it
+into the flames, to the irreparable detriment, loss and ruin of the
+English manufacturers! In commemoration of this great exploit they erected
+a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain, under the
+similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the
+globe; but either through the unskillfulness of the sculptor, or his
+ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly
+striving to get hold of a dumpling.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of
+that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that not
+withstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the
+city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before.
+The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this; and, having
+received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of
+defense, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to
+assist them with their wisdom. These were of that order of citizens
+commonly termed &quot;men of the greatest weight in the community;&quot; their
+weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their
+purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang
+like a millstone round the neck of the community.</p>
+
+<p>Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
+first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second,
+that, as <a name='Page_356'></a>the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; which
+points being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboring
+one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was
+this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in
+this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of
+wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused,
+as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd.
+Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of
+measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered
+the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent
+invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch
+critic who judged of books by their size.</p>
+
+<p>This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
+customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by
+certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
+barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarly
+noted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair of
+the least importance without previous debates and harangues among their
+chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing
+their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing
+them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they
+possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent of
+holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body
+was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they
+considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his
+duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them,
+required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood
+it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by <a name='Page_357'></a>every
+soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty
+mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this
+assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom,
+the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words.</p>
+
+<p>We are told that disciples on entering the school of Pythagoras were for
+two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions or make
+remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their
+tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to
+communicate their own opinions.</p>
+
+<p>With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be
+introduced in modern legislative bodies&mdash;and how wonderfully would it have
+tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, the stumbling block of
+William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the
+cheapest plan of defense was insisted upon as the best; it being deemed a
+great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economise in ball.</p>
+
+<p>Thus old Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously
+personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting the
+venerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the old
+factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by
+the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor.
+Whatever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of
+Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect
+the downfall of their rivals, their second to elevate themselves, and
+their third to consult the public good; though many left the third
+consideration out of question altogether.</p>
+
+<p>In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing <a name='Page_358'></a>the number of
+projects that were struck out; projects which threw the windmill system of
+William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost
+uniformly opposed by the &quot;men of the greatest weight in the community;&quot;
+your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at
+&quot;negativing.&quot; Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers,
+who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of
+defence proposed. These were that class of &quot;conservatives&quot; who, having
+amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it
+were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling
+beatitude of conscious wealth; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed
+a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its
+life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to
+these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion
+of locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armament
+was to throw their money into the sea; to build fortifications was to bury
+it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as
+their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left
+no scar; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all
+maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the
+patient.</p>
+
+<p>Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away their time, which
+the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and
+long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with
+which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay
+was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their distracted
+situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in
+the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of
+fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to <a name='Page_359'></a>loggerheads in
+consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was
+happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed them
+that a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling,
+eyeing one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in each
+other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly
+put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, so
+was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and
+totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled
+home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with
+corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the
+street-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without venturing to
+peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball.</p>
+
+<p>The sovereign people crowded into the marketplace, herding together with
+the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when the
+shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold.
+Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's
+terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search of
+encouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments a confirmation
+of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great
+Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy&mdash;while the
+old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their
+fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted<a name='Page_360'></a> Peter! and how
+did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed a
+gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day
+after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without
+bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was
+hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not
+been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? Had they
+not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons? Had they
+not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? In the midst
+of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty
+nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New
+Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant
+sound of a trumpet;&mdash;it approached&mdash;it grew louder and louder&mdash;and now it
+resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the
+well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant
+Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came
+galloping into the marketplace.</p>
+
+<p>The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round
+the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings and
+congratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them the marvelous
+adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making
+their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where anything
+touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the
+incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will
+not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say,
+that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he
+could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships
+<a name='Page_361'></a>sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports
+to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its
+promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter,
+perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate
+decampment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn
+his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth escapes and divers
+perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scourged, without sound of
+trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country in
+an uproar with hostile preparation, and they were obliged to take a large
+circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the
+Devil's Backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth, one day like a
+lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three
+generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take
+possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony
+had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of
+his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in
+hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshaling forth their
+draggle-tailed militia.</p>
+
+<p>The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount
+the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron.
+This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout
+frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent., informs us, &quot;three
+hundred valiant red coats.&quot; Having taken this survey, he sat himself down,
+and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his
+anchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so to do.
+This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though
+I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he
+had a bitter sardonic grin <a name='Page_362'></a>upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having
+despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town,
+with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches
+pockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small
+resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is brewing. The
+very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay; while all the old and
+ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to
+save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment!</p>
+
+<p>The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched in
+terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor, declaring the
+right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed
+the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts,
+etc., should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and
+protection; promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free
+trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's
+government.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of
+aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John
+Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to be
+taken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket,
+stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great
+vehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer
+the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy
+councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for confident in
+his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give
+them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct.</p>
+
+<p>His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the
+late valiant burgomasters, <a name='Page_363'></a>who had demolished the whole British empire in
+their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places; crawling
+cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting at
+every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers;
+and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable
+soldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms! Having, however, in
+despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe,
+without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their
+seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a
+few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and
+stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed
+in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on
+his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped
+himself in this portentious manner unless something of martial nature were
+working within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if
+they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their
+pipes in breathless suspense.</p>
+
+<p>His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle
+debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting
+the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those
+brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty
+bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He now
+called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had
+defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the
+summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend
+the province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg to
+stand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flat
+of his sword upon the table that quite electrified his auditors.</p><a name='Page_364'></a>
+
+<p>The privy councillors who had long since been brought into as perfect
+discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there
+was no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in
+silence like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being
+inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency acquired at
+popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit,
+when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present
+jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested
+a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general
+meeting of the people.</p>
+
+<p>So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused
+the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself&mdash;what, then, must have been
+its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a
+governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of
+the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition? He burst forth into a blaze
+of indignation&mdash;swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of
+it; that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of
+tobacco for either; that they might go home and go to bed like old women,
+for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance
+of them or their adherents! So saying, he tucked his sword under his arm,
+cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped
+indignantly out of the council chamber, everybody making room for him as
+he passed.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meeting
+in front of the stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue
+Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of
+William the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking
+the reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the
+land, and reverenced by <a name='Page_365'></a>the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing
+that he was the first to imprint New-year cakes with the mysterious
+hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such-like magical devices.</p>
+
+<p>This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter
+Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech,
+informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received to
+surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the
+public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions
+highly to the honor and advantage of the province.</p>
+
+<p>He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high-sounding terms of
+vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to Nero,
+Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the people that
+the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the
+present; that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood-stained
+tablet of history; that ages would roll back with sudden horror when they
+came to view it; that the womb of time (by the way, your orators and
+writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would
+fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman)&mdash;that the womb of
+time, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a
+parallel enormity: with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring
+tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, for
+they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of
+popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric
+under the general title of Rigmarole.</p>
+
+<p>The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorial
+addressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on his
+conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer
+of this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no inclination of
+coming again <a name='Page_366'></a>within kicking distance of his excellency. Who did deliver
+it has never been named in history; in which neglect he has suffered
+grievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with him
+perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. All
+we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim
+Peter to light his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he smoked
+it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_X'></a><h3>CHAPTER X.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now did the high-minded Peter de Groodt shower down a pannier load of
+maledictions upon his burgomaster for a set of self-willed, obstinate,
+factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he
+omit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign people, as
+a heard of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships and
+illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and
+eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortality and a
+broken head.</p>
+
+<p>Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even
+of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his
+right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his
+war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country
+night and day&mdash;sounding the alarm along the pastoral border of the
+Bronx&mdash;startling the wild solitudes of Croton&mdash;arousing the rugged
+yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken&mdash;the mighty men of battle of Tappan
+Bay&mdash;and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and
+Sleepy-Hollow&mdash;charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns,
+shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>Now there was nothing in all the world, the <a name='Page_367'></a>divine sex excepted, that
+Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just
+stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle,
+well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the
+city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway;
+sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the
+winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more were they to be
+gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter.</p>
+
+<p>It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek
+(sagely denominated Haerlem river) which separates the island of
+Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an
+uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of
+brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient
+ghost upon the brink, and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of his
+errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously
+that he would swim across in spite of the devil (<i>spyt den duyvel</i>), and
+daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! scarce had he buffeted
+half-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battling
+with the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his trumpet to his
+mouth, and giving a vehement blast sank for ever to the bottom.</p>
+
+<p>The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned
+Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rang
+far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who
+hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his
+veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the
+melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow of giving
+belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge mossbonker, seize
+the sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him <a name='Page_368'></a>beneath the waves. Certain it
+is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the
+Hudson, has been called <i>Spyt den Duyvel</i> ever since; the ghost of the
+unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trumpet
+has often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with the
+howling of the blast.</p>
+
+<p>Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary,
+a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in the
+future; and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence that no
+true Dutchman will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates
+the devil.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear&mdash;a man deserving of a better fate.
+He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until the
+day of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind
+some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country&mdash;fine,
+chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speak
+true (and they are not apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race of
+editors who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid
+by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable.
+It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the east he did
+much towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which is
+adduced the notorious propensity of the people of those parts to sound
+their own trumpet.</p>
+
+<p>As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and
+night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and
+solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the
+generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of
+Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;
+he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the
+martial <a name='Page_369'></a>melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching
+loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. He
+was gone for ever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur was
+skulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try thy
+fortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine
+forth&mdash;Peter the Headstrong!</p>
+
+<p>The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night; still
+all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind
+lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious,
+yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the
+eventful morning when the Great Peter was to give his reply to the summons
+of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting
+in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon
+boiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters
+flashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier
+arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut,
+counseling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, to
+surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to which
+a refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to intrude officious
+advice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery old
+governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the
+bosoms of his councillors to quake with awe; railing at his unlucky fate,
+that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects and jesuitical
+advisers.</p>
+
+<p>Just at this ill-chosen juncture the officious burgomasters, who had heard
+of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the
+room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and
+abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the
+spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces&mdash;threw
+<a name='Page_370'></a>it in the face of the nearest burgomaster&mdash;broke his pipe over the head
+of the next&mdash;hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just
+retreating out at the door; and finally prorogued the whole meeting <i>sine
+die</i>, by kicking them downstairs with his wooden leg.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion, and had
+time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at full
+length, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and
+vindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for their own
+parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by
+the timber toe of his excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of
+the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the
+seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the harangue
+came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of
+character vested in all true mobs; who, though they may bear injuries
+without a murmur, yet are marvelously jealous of their sovereign dignity;
+and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been
+provoked, had they not been somewhat more afright of their sturdy old
+governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or the d&mdash;&mdash;l
+himself.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_XI'></a><h3>CHAPTER XI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle
+which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and
+venerable little city&mdash;the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited
+country&mdash;garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men,
+burgomasters, schepens, and old women&mdash;governed by a determined and
+strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and
+resolutions&mdash;blockaded <a name='Page_371'></a>by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with
+direful desolation from without; while its very vitals are torn with
+internal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen record a page of
+more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the
+Israelites during the siege of Jerusalem, where discordant parties were
+cutting each other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions of
+Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword
+into the very <i>sanctum sanctorum</i> of the temple!</p>
+
+<p>Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout,
+and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, despatched
+a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein he
+asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the
+righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance!</p>
+
+<p>My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenes
+prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded
+in these manly and affectionate terms:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>&quot;As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to
+    answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as
+    merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in His gracious
+    disposal, and we may as well be preserved by Him with small
+    forces as by a great army, which makes us to wish you all
+    happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to His
+    protection.&mdash;My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate
+    servant and friend,</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;P. STUYVESANT.&quot;</p></div>
+
+<p>Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of
+horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side,
+thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce <a name='Page_372'></a>little
+war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house,
+determined to defend his beloved city to the last.</p>
+
+<p>While all these struggles and dissentions were prevailing in the unhappy
+city of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was
+framing the above quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain
+idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of
+the populace; and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacent
+country a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in
+their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple
+Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They
+promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his
+British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw,
+and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe,
+speak Dutch, wear as many beeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles,
+and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot.
+That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language,
+nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than by
+casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of
+his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That
+every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat,
+shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage; and that no man
+should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any other
+modern innovations; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his
+house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his
+children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time
+immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade,
+and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar
+<a name='Page_373'></a>than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the
+tutelar saint of the city.</p>
+
+<p>These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people,
+who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most
+singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain little
+more than honor and broken heads: the first of which they held in
+philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By these
+insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the
+confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor,
+whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous
+misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse
+him most heartily, behind his back.</p>
+
+<p>Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and
+brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the
+boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the
+inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise,
+contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble.</p>
+
+<p>But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance,
+they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh,
+and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been
+subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progeny of
+Preserved Fish and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters,
+to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships
+prepared for an assault by water.</p>
+
+<p>The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and
+consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and
+assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The
+whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed
+into arrant old women&mdash;a metamorphosis only to be <a name='Page_374'></a>paralleled by the
+prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of
+Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into
+sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street.</p>
+
+<p>Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence,
+blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee
+invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave
+way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until
+it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender.</p>
+
+<p>Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving this
+intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could
+not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their
+congratulations&mdash;they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer
+of his country&mdash;they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and
+were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with
+victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort
+Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took
+refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear
+the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble.</p>
+
+<p>Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was
+speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be
+signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this
+purpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike
+accoutrements were laid aside; an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about
+his rugged limbs; a red nightcap overshadowed his frowning brow; an
+iron-grey beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to his
+visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign
+the loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible
+countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb-senna, <a name='Page_375'></a>and ipecacuanha, had been
+offered to his lips. At length, dashing it from him, he seized his
+brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St.
+Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven.</p>
+
+<p>For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during
+which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous
+revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to
+soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the
+burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the
+capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle
+strongly barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked
+hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window.</p>
+
+<p>There was something in this formidable position that struck even the
+ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not
+but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when
+they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to his
+post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful
+city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by
+the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged
+themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectful
+humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators
+described by Sallust as being &quot;talkative rather than eloquent,&quot; stepped
+forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length,
+detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the
+province, and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same arguments
+and words, to sign the capitulation.</p>
+
+<p>The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence. Now and
+then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant
+<a name='Page_376'></a>grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But
+though a man of most undaunted mettle&mdash;though he had a heart as big as an
+ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn&mdash;yet after all he was
+a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal
+haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would
+follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for
+his consent; or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour
+in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them
+to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a
+pole, and having scrawled his hand at the bottom of it, he anathematised
+them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons&mdash;threw the
+capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard
+stumping downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently
+took to their heels; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the
+premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and
+greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure.</p>
+
+<p>Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fed
+warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and
+batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers
+made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to
+protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated
+in silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through the
+streets.</p>
+
+<p>Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces,
+enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm, as <i>locum tenens</i> for
+the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that
+of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth
+were denominated New York, and so have continued <a name='Page_377'></a>to be called unto the
+present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to
+maintain quiet possession of their property, but so inveterately did they
+retain their abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting of
+the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of
+their conquerors to dinner.</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>NOTE.
+
+<p>    Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus
+    overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens,
+    a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by
+    one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they
+    crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and
+    cabbage gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers
+    among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have
+    remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to
+    repeople the city with the genuine breed, whenever it shall be
+    effectually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine
+    descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York still look
+    with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did
+    the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of
+    Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance is to
+    come.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_XII'></a><h3>CHAPTER XII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Thus then have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but before I
+lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty.
+If, among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there should
+haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with
+celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will
+doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To
+gratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more lengths than to
+instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of
+capitulation, than, determined not to <a name='Page_378'></a>witness the humiliation of his
+favorite city, he turned his back on its walls, and made a growling
+retreat to his bowery, or country seat, which was situated about two miles
+off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement.
+There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid
+the distracting cares of government, and tasted the sweets of absolute and
+uncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed
+with the bitterness of opposition.</p>
+
+<p>No persuasion should ever induce him to revisit the city; on the contrary,
+he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the
+windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees,
+planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screen that effectually
+excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerate
+innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors&mdash;forbade a word
+of their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibition
+readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything but
+Dutch, and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house
+because it consisted of English cherry trees.</p>
+
+<p>The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast
+province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in
+narrower limits. He patroled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of
+his little territory, repelled every encroachment with intrepid
+promptness: punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his
+farmyard with inflexible severity, and conducted every stray hog or cow in
+triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless
+stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and
+his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart,
+had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to
+this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an<a name='Page_379'></a>
+Englishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand of
+assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality.
+Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at
+his door, with his cart-load of tinware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter
+would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious
+clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of &quot;notions&quot; was
+fain to betake himself to instant flight.</p>
+
+<p>His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, was carefully hung
+up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of
+every month, and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim
+repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full-length
+portrait of the renowned admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he
+maintained strict discipline, and a well organized despotic government;
+but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects
+was his constant object. He watched over not merely their immediate
+comforts, but their morals and their ultimate welfare; for he gave them
+abundance of excellent admonition; nor could any of them complain, that,
+when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing
+wholesome correction.</p>
+
+<p>The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an
+overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse
+among my fellow citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of
+Governor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed liberality,
+of jocund revelry and warm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled
+with genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an
+unceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment unknown in these
+days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously
+observed throughout his dominions; nor was the <a name='Page_380'></a>day of St. Nicholas
+suffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in the
+chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies.</p>
+
+<p>Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full
+regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New
+Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of
+saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at
+liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased, for on this day
+their master was always observed to unbend and become exceedingly pleasant
+and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errands
+for pigeons' milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and
+humored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well disciplined
+dependent. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land,
+injuring no man, envying no man, molested by no outward strifes, perplexed
+by no internal commotions; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were
+vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind by
+war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the
+little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the
+domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+<p>In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of
+mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak,
+which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still
+retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan, with every
+blast&mdash;so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the port
+and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry,
+yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame&mdash;but his
+heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With
+matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence
+concerning the battles <a name='Page_381'></a>between the English and Dutch; still would his
+pulse beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter&mdash;and his
+countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of
+the English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoke his fifth
+pipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, conquering the whole
+British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of
+bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in
+a ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of a
+great victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over the
+brave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart
+that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to
+death's door by a violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he still
+displayed the unconquerable sprit of Peter the Headstrong&mdash;holding out to
+the last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole army of old women,
+who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch
+mode of defense, by inundation.</p>
+
+<p>While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought
+him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat with little loss,
+and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the
+old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words. He partly raised
+himself in bed, clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripe
+that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Port Christina, and
+giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and expired.
+Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright
+governor, and an honest Dutchman, who wanted only a few empires to
+desolate to have been immortalized as a hero!</p>
+
+<p>His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and
+solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded
+<a name='Page_382'></a>in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his
+sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollection, while the
+memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient
+burghers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall; the
+populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier, and the melancholy
+procession was closed by a number of gray-bearded negroes, who had
+wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the
+greater part of a century.</p>
+
+<p>With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave.
+They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal
+services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled,
+with secret upbraiding, their own factious oppositions to his government;
+and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been
+known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a
+pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek; while he muttered,
+with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head, &quot;Well,
+den!&mdash;Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he
+had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, and
+which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's
+church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, as
+it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants,
+who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence
+to the customs and manners that prevailed in the &quot;good old times,&quot; have
+proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and
+oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money-diggers, in
+quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor,
+though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their
+researches; <a name='Page_383'></a>and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, that
+does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he
+conceived it a great exploit to rob &quot;Stuyvesant's orchard&quot; on a holiday
+afternoon?</p>
+
+<p>At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of
+the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors
+from the parlor wall, his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best
+bed-room; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspended
+in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a
+new-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured
+up in the store-room as an invaluable relique.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_XIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER XIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful
+and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and
+authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and
+heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty
+empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the
+disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been
+extinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of
+states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wrought
+their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy
+commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and
+powers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall; each
+in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre; each has returned to its primeval
+nothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their High
+Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the
+Doubter, the fretful reign of William <a name='Page_384'></a>the Testy, and the chivalric reign
+of Peter the Headstrong.</p>
+
+<p>Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered over
+attentively; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed
+greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found and the lamp
+of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn
+against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweening
+fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of
+prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to destroy its pride
+of character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to the calls of honor
+and of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his
+pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such
+supineness ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded
+up produces the usurpation of a second; one encroachment passively
+suffered makes way for another; and the nation which thus, through a
+doting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and interest, will at length
+have to fight for existence.</p>
+
+<p>Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warning
+against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts without
+system, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies;
+which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness of
+ignorance and imbecility; which stoops for popularity by courting the
+prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than commanding the
+respect, of the rabble; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors,
+and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions;
+which mistakes procrastination for weariness&mdash;hurry for
+decision&mdash;parsimony for economy&mdash;bustle for business, and vaporing for
+valor; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate
+in action, and feeble in execution; which undertakes enterprises <a name='Page_385'></a>without
+forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without
+energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat.</p>
+
+<p>Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and
+decision, even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded by
+perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled courage
+will command respect and secure honor, even where success is unattainable.
+But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the
+good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving
+professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they most
+mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions and
+wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, or
+apprehension will overpower the deference to authority.</p>
+
+<p>Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their intemperate
+harangues, their violent &quot;resolutions,&quot; their hectorings against an absent
+enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust and
+despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue.
+Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destitute
+of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and
+bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution
+us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a
+noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe
+with courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but takes from the
+merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful.</p>
+
+<p>But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn from
+the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will
+discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and
+are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I conclude let me
+point out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain <a name='Page_386'></a>of events by
+which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of
+our globe.</p>
+
+<p>Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art a
+king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure
+up in thy heart, though little expectation have I that my work will fall
+into such hands; for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all
+grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs,
+lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom.</p>
+
+<p>By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes
+enjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of
+Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the
+conquest of New Sweden Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord
+Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the
+whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole
+extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered
+one entire dependency upon the British crown. But mark the consequence:
+the hitherto-scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no
+rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and
+finally becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shake
+off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire.
+But the chain of effects stopped not here; the successful revolution in
+America produced the sanguinary revolution in France which produced the
+puissant Bonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which has thrown
+the whole world in confusion! Thus have these great Powers been
+successively punished for their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as I
+asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters
+that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort
+Casimir, as recorded in this eventful history.</p><a name='Page_387'></a>
+
+<p>And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, which, alas! must be
+for ever&mdash;willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy
+kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the
+days of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written one
+as good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will hereafter
+spring up and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, and still
+less care; well knowing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is
+vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end every one at
+table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any
+reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve,
+though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he
+was mistaken&mdash;his good-nature by telling him he was captious&mdash;or his pure
+conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so
+ingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousand
+pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery.</p>
+
+<p>I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens to
+think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will
+to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics who
+despise the world, because it despises them; on the contrary, though but
+low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and
+my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the
+unbounded love I bear it.</p>
+
+<p>If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a long
+and laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age,
+I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me
+even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile
+snows upon my brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still
+lingers around my heart, and throbs, <a name='Page_388'></a>worthy reader, throbs kindly toward
+thyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust,
+which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds,
+may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild
+flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mannahata!</p>
+
+<h5>THE END.</h5>
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13042 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #13042 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/13042)
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Knickerbocker's History of New York, Complete
+
+Author: Washington Irving
+
+Release Date: July 29, 2004 [EBook #13042]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF NEW YORK ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Franks and PG Distributed Proofreaders
+
+
+
+
+[Transcriber's note: The spelling irregularities of the original have
+been retained in this etext.]
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+COMPLETE
+
+BY
+
+WASHINGTON IRVING
+
+CHICAGO
+
+W.B. CONKEY COMPANY
+
+PUBLISHERS
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK is the book, published in December,
+1809, with which Washington Irving, at the age of twenty-six, first won
+wide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an American friend, who
+sent him the second edition----
+
+
+    "I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon degree of
+    entertainment which I have received from the most excellently
+    jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, as a stranger to
+    American parties and politics, I must lose much of the concealed
+    satire of the piece, but I must own that, looking at the simple
+    and obvious meaning only, I have never read anything so closely
+    resembling the style of Dean Swift as the annals of Diedrich
+    Knickerbocker. I have been employed these few evenings in reading
+    them aloud to Mrs. S. and two ladies who are our guests, and our
+    sides have been absolutely sore with laughing. I think, too,
+    there are passages which indicate that the author possesses
+    powers of a different kind, and has some touches which remind me
+    much of Sterne."
+
+Washington Irving was the son of William Irving, a sturdy native of the
+Orkneys, allied to the Irvines of Drum, among whose kindred was an old
+historiographer who said to them, "Some of the foolish write themselves
+Irving." William Irving of Shapinsha, in the Orkney Islands, was a petty
+officer on board an armed packet ship in His Majesty's service, when he
+met with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he married at
+Falmouth in May, 1761. Their first child was buried in England before
+July, 1763, when peace had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated to
+New York with his wife, soon to be joined by his wife's parents.
+
+At New York William Irving entered into trade, and prospered fairly until
+the outbreak of the American Revolution. His sympathy, and that of his
+wife, went with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, Lord
+Cornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, surrendered at Yorktown.
+In October, 1782, Holland acknowledged the independence of the United
+States in a treaty concluded at The Hague. In January, 1783, an armistice
+was concluded with Great Britain. In February, 1783, the independence of
+the United States was acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in March
+by Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an eleventh child was born to
+William and Sarah Irving, who was named Washington, after the hero under
+whom the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the peace was signed, New
+York was evacuated, and the independence of the United States acknowledged
+by England.
+
+Of the eleven children eight survived. William Irving, the father, was
+rigidly pious, a just and honorable man, who made religion burdensome to
+his children by associating it too much with restrictions and denials. One
+of their two weekly half-holidays was devoted to the Catechism. The
+mother's gentler sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greater
+influence; but she reverenced and loved her good husband, and when her
+youngest puzzled her with his pranks, she would say, "Ah, Washington, if
+you were only good!"
+
+For his lively spirits and quick fancy could not easily be subdued. He
+would get out of his bed-room window at night, walk along a coping, and
+climb over the roof to the top of the next house, only for the high
+purpose of astonishing a neighbor by dropping a stone down his chimney. As
+a young school-boy he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, and
+achieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. "Robinson Crusoe"
+and "Sindbad the Sailor" made him yearn to go to sea. But this was
+impossible unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, which he
+detested. He would get out of bed at night and lie on the floor for an
+hour or two by way of practice. He also took every opportunity that came
+in his way of eating the detested food. But the more he tried to like it
+the nastier it grew, and he gave up as impracticable his hope of going to
+sea. He fastened upon adventures of real travelers; he yearned for travel,
+and was entranced in his youth by first sight of the beauties of the
+Hudson River. He scribbled jests for his school friends, and, of course,
+he wrote a school-boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and he
+was placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was transferred to another,
+and then, in January, 1802, to another, where he continued his clerkship
+with a Mr. Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young daughters by a
+former marriage. With this family Washington Irving, a careless student,
+lively, clever, kind, established the happiest relations, of which
+afterwards there came the deep grief of his life and a sacred memory.
+
+Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning to thrive in business.
+A brother Peter shared his frolics with the pen. His artist pleasure in
+the theater was indulged without his father's knowledge. He would go to
+the play, come home for nine o'clock prayers, go up to bed, and climb out
+of his bed-room window, and run back and see the after-piece. So come
+evasions of undue restraint. But with all this impulsive liveliness, young
+Washington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in grave danger.
+When he was nineteen, and taken by a brother-in-law to Ballston springs,
+it was determined by those who heard his incessant night cough that he was
+"not long for this world." When he had come of age, in April, 1804, his
+brothers, chiefly his eldest brother, who was prospering, provided money
+to send him to Europe that he might recover health by restful travel in
+France, Italy and England. When he was helped up the side of the vessel
+that was to take him from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at him
+with pity and said, "There's a chap who will go overboard before we get
+across." But Washington Irving returned to New York at the beginning of
+the year 1806 with health restored.
+
+What followed will be told in the Introduction to the other volume of
+this History of New York, by Diedrich Knickerbocker.
+
+H.M.
+
+
+
+
+THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.
+
+
+The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated
+than a temporary _jeu-d'esprit_, was commenced in company with my brother,
+the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book which
+had recently appeared, entitled, "A Picture of New York." Like that, our
+work was to begin an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of the
+customs, manners and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic
+vein, and treating local errors, follies and abuses with good-humored
+satire.
+
+To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, our
+historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and we
+laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant
+or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this
+crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother
+departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone.
+
+I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the
+"Picture of New York," I determined that what had been originally intended
+as an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, and form a comic
+history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and
+disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but it
+soon became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had
+begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I
+must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the
+period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress and decline,
+presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period,
+also, at that time almost a _terra incognita_ in history. In fact, I was
+surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York
+had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early
+Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors.
+
+This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city; poetic from its
+very obscurity, and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome,
+to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city as
+fortunate above all other American cities in having an antiquity thus
+extending back into the regions of doubt and fable; neither did I conceive
+I was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts
+I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my
+own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names
+connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion.
+
+In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer,
+besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuous trespasses into this
+sacred, though neglected, region of history have met with deserved rebuke
+from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft
+thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I
+can only say with Hamlet----
+
+    "Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil
+    Free me so far in your most generous thoughts
+    That I have shot my arrow o'er the house,
+    And hurt my brother."
+
+I will say this in further apology for my work: that if it has taken an
+unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least
+turned attention to that history, and provoked research. It is only since
+this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been
+rummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the
+dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may actually
+possess.
+
+The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim
+of history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from
+poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing
+form; to illustrate its local humors, customs and peculiarities; to clothe
+home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and
+whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which
+live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the
+heart of the native inhabitant to his home.
+
+In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before
+the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were
+unrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our
+Dutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, or
+adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are
+brought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community together
+in good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rallying points of home
+feeling; the seasoning of our civic festivities; the staple of local tales
+and local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popular
+fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I
+was the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps.
+
+I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim
+and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch
+worthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still be
+found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I
+have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the
+same temper with which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse
+of nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth still
+cherished among them; when I find its very name become a "household word,"
+and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popular
+acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance
+companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses,
+Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice; and when I find New Yorkers of
+Dutch descent priding themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbockers," I
+please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord; that
+my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages
+derived from them, are n harmony with the feelings and humors of my
+townsmen; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint
+characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants
+will not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other histories
+of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may
+take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library,
+Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored
+indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside.
+
+Sunnyside, 1848.
+
+W.I.
+
+
+
+
+Notices.
+
+WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK.
+
+
+_From the "Evening Post" of October_ 26, 1809.
+
+DISTRESSING.
+
+Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been heard of, a
+small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by
+the name of _Knickerbocker_. As there are some reasons for believing he is
+not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about
+him, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel,
+Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully
+received.
+
+P.S.--Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of humanity in
+giving an insertion to the above.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 6, 1809.
+
+_To the Editor of the "Evening Post."_
+
+SIR,--Having read, in your paper of the 26th of October last, a paragraph
+respecting an old gentleman by the name of _Knickerbocker_, who was
+missing from his lodgings; if it would be any relief to his friends, or
+furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them
+that a person answering the description given was seen by the passengers
+of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since,
+resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He
+had in his hand a small bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: he
+appeared to be traveling northward, and was very much fatigued and
+exhausted.
+
+A TRAVELER.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 16, 1809.
+
+_To the Editor of the "Evening Post."_
+
+SIR,--You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about
+_Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker_, who was missing so strangely some time
+since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since; but
+a _very curious kind of a written book_ has been found in his room, in
+his own handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive,
+that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging,
+I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same.
+
+I am, Sir, your humble servant,
+
+SETH HANDASIDE,
+
+Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel,
+
+Mulberry Street.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 28, 1809.
+
+LITERARY NOTICE.
+
+INSKEEP and BRADFORD have in the press, and will shortly publish,
+
+A History of New York,
+
+In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars.
+
+Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal
+policies, manners, customs, wars, &c. &c., under the Dutch government,
+furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before
+published, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other
+authenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophical
+speculations and moral precepts.
+
+This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the old
+gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It
+is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the "American Citizen" December_ 6, 1809.
+
+Is this day published,
+
+By INSKEEP and BRADFORD, No. 128, Broadway,
+
+A History of New York,
+
+&c. &c.
+
+(Containing same as above.)
+
+
+
+
+ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR
+
+
+It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the fall of
+1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian
+Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small,
+brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of
+olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs
+plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some
+eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore
+about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles; and all his
+baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his
+arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run; and my
+wife, who is a very shrewd little body, at once set him down for some
+eminent country schoolmaster.
+
+As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little
+puzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with his
+looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off
+with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great
+painters, Jarvis and Wood: and commands a very pleasant view of the new
+grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House and
+Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; so that it is the
+cheerfulest room in the whole house.
+
+During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy,
+good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would
+keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, or
+made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with
+his hands full of papers, and say something about "deranging his ideas;"
+which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether _compos_.
+Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room
+was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about
+at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; for he said
+he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know
+where to find them; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying
+about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully
+put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made,
+because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put
+everything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get his
+papers in order again in a twelve-month. Upon this my wife ventured to ask
+him, what he did with so many books and papers? and he told her, that he
+was "seeking for immortality"; which made her think, more than ever, that
+the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked.
+
+He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually
+poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that
+was going on; this was particularly the case about election time, when he
+did nothing but bustle about him from poll to poll, attending all ward
+meetings and committee-rooms; though I could never find that he took part
+with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and
+rail at both parties with great wrath--and plainly proved one day to the
+satisfaction of my wife, and three old ladies who were drinking tea with
+her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at the skirt
+of the nation; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its
+back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the
+neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon,
+as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believe
+he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the
+question, if they could ever have found out what it was.
+
+He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about
+the most trifling matter, and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that
+was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who
+called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But
+this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the
+city librarian; and, of course, must be a man of great learning; and I
+have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history.
+
+As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any
+pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and
+what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend
+the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the
+_Literati_; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn
+to push a lodger for his pay, so I let day after day pass on without
+dunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takes
+these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at
+last got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time "some
+people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old
+gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make
+herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his
+saddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer
+we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in
+which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great
+connections, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and
+cousin german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat
+him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making
+things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children
+their letters; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their
+children also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed
+so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to
+speak on the subject again.
+
+About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his
+hand--and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made
+after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they
+sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last,
+when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and left
+the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him
+from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor
+old gentleman; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that
+he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I
+therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy
+advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never
+been able to learn anything satisfactory about him.
+
+My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he
+had left anything behind in his room, that would pay us for his board and
+lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings,
+and his pair of saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of the
+librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large
+bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, he
+had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about;
+as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York,
+which he advised us by all means to publish; assuring us that it would be
+so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it would
+be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very
+learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the
+press, which he accordingly has done; and has, moreover, added to it a
+number of notes of his own; and an engraving of the city, as it was at the
+time Mr. Knickerbocker writes about.
+
+This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work
+printed, without waiting for the consent of the author; and I here
+declare, that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident
+has befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true and
+honest man. Which is all at present----
+
+From the public's humble servant,
+
+SETH HANDASIDE.
+
+INDEPENDENT COLUMBIAN HOTEL, NEW YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of
+this work. Shortly after its publication, a letter was received from him,
+by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the
+Hudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certain
+ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, into
+which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise,
+that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements
+that were made concerning him; and that he should learn of the publication
+of his history by mere accident.
+
+He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he was
+prevented from making several important corrections and alterations: as
+well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during
+his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at
+Haverstraw and Esopus.
+
+Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to
+New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at
+Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for
+which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found
+it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads
+and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline
+of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these
+intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State; where
+they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers,
+by the introduction of turnpike-gates and country school-houses. It is
+said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing
+the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace; but was highly
+indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the
+middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit.
+
+The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, he
+received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers; some of whom,
+however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into,
+particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany
+tea-tables, which they assured him had been discontinued for some years
+past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their
+ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of
+their neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the latter, it must
+be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon; considering these
+recordings in the lights of letters patent of nobility, establishing their
+claims to ancestry, which, in this republican country, is a matter of no
+little solicitude and vain-glory.
+
+It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the
+governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to
+shake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly was
+going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed,
+certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture
+to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that he
+privately entertained a considerable good-will for our author--nay, he
+even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own
+table, just after dinner, that "Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort
+of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which may have been led to
+suppose, that, had our author been of different politics, and written for
+the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have
+risen to some post of honor and profit: peradventure to be a notary
+public, or even a justice in the ten-pound court.
+
+Besides the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed
+by the _literati_ of Albany; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who
+entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and
+reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the
+ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart--of great literary
+research, and a curious collector of books At parting, the latter, in
+testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his
+collection; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism,
+and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands; by the
+last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second
+edition.
+
+Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to
+Scaghtikoke; where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open
+arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to
+by the family, being the first historian of the name; and was considered
+almost as great a man as his cousin the Congressman--with whom, by-the-by,
+he became perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship.
+
+In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their great
+attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and
+discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business
+to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and
+anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable
+situation; and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regular
+habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or
+drinking--both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere
+spleen and idleness.
+
+It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of
+his history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passages
+with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had
+crept into it; for he was particularly anxious that his work should be
+noted for its authenticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of
+history. But the glow of composition had departed--he had to leave many
+places untouched which he would fain have altered; and even where he did
+make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the
+better or the worse.
+
+After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong
+desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest
+affection; not merely because it was his native city, but because he
+really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return
+he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literary
+reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertisements,
+petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import; and, although he
+never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing
+innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and
+all sides of the question, in all which he was clearly detected "by his
+style."
+
+He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the postoffice, in
+consequence of the numerous letter he received from authors and printers
+soliciting his subscription--and he was applied to by every charitable
+society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering
+these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great
+corporation dinner; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at
+the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that he
+could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the
+city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted; but
+several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usual
+rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little
+boys at play have been known to cry, "There goes Diedrich!" at which the
+old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations
+in the light of the praise of posterity.
+
+In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and
+distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium, passed on his in the
+Portfolio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much
+overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days) it must be confessed
+that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or
+have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality.
+
+After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence
+at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the
+family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor.
+It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes
+beyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed, to be occasionally over-flowed,
+and much infested, in the summer-time, with mosquitoes; but otherwise
+very agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes.
+
+Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of
+a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end
+approaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his
+fortune to the New York Historical Society; his Heidelberg Catechism and
+Vander Donck's work to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr.
+Handaside. He forgave all his enemies--that is to say, all that bore any
+enmity towards him; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will to
+all the world. And, after dictating several kind messages, to his
+relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial
+Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian.
+
+His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's
+Churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; and
+it is rumored that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a
+wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green.
+
+
+
+
+TO THE PUBLIC.
+
+
+"To rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a
+just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our
+Dutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York,
+produces this historical essay."[1] Like the great Father of History,
+whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the
+twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night of
+forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude had I
+long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually
+slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and
+day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I,
+and those revered Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of
+good old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children,
+engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the
+present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past,
+and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the
+Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and
+even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and
+Peter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus
+and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Boulogne.
+
+Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I
+industriously set myself to work to gather together all the fragments of
+our ancient history which still existed; and, like my revered prototype,
+Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored to
+continue the chain of history by well-authenticated traditions.
+
+
+In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long
+and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have
+consulted, and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though
+such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country,
+there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the
+early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch Governors. I have,
+however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate
+manuscript, written in exceeding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting a
+few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the
+Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I
+likewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumber
+garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens; and I have gathered a host of
+well-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my
+acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor
+must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that
+admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society,
+to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments.
+
+In the conduct, of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual
+model, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining
+and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians.
+Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the
+strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it,
+after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies,
+drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it with
+profound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the
+graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity,
+the grandeur and magnificence of Livy.
+
+I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and
+judicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive
+manner of my favorite Herodotus. And, to be candid, I have found it
+impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes,
+which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the
+historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his
+wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed my
+staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so
+that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation.
+
+Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival
+Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the
+loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded
+have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This
+difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated
+in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions
+in these best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy,
+with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement.
+
+But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for future
+regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this
+invaluable little work; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis,
+and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and
+choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to
+captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface
+of literature; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the
+pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of the
+obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a
+thousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithy
+tale and marvelous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence
+might be enthralled; jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and
+dignity which should ever distinguish the historian. "For a writer of this
+class," observes an elegant critic, "must sustain the character of a wise
+man writing for the instruction of posterity; one who has studied to
+inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and addresses
+himself to our judgment rather than to our imagination."
+
+Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in having incidents
+worthy of swelling the theme of history; and doubly thrice happy is it in
+having such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle
+reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are
+nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their
+prosperity as they rise--who blazons forth the splendor of their noontide
+meridian--who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay--who
+gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot--and who piously,
+at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and rears
+a triumphant monument to transmit their renown to all succeeding ages.
+
+What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless
+ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless
+inquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence--they have
+perished from remembrance for want of a historian! The philanthropist may
+weep over their desolation--the poet may wander among their mouldering
+arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of his
+fancy--but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is
+doomed to confine itself to dull matter of fact, seeks in vain among
+their oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructive
+tale of their glory and their ruin.
+
+"Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, "destroy nations, and
+with them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The
+torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled--a few
+individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of
+generations."
+
+The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will
+happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which
+now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for
+recording their history is gone by: their origin, their foundation,
+together with the early stages of their settlement, are for ever buried in
+the rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fair
+portion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very
+nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about
+entering into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion--if I had not
+dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's
+adamantine fangs were closing upon them for ever! And here have I, as
+before observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip
+and scrap, "_punt en punt, gat en gat_," and commenced in this little
+work, a history to serve as a foundation on which other historians may
+hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until
+Knickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's Rome, or
+Hume and Smollett's England!
+
+And now indulge me for a moment: while I lay down my pen, skip to some
+little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead; and,
+casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll
+between, discover myself--little I--at this moment the progenitor,
+prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of
+literary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back,
+pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality.
+
+Such are the vain-glorious misgivings that will now and then enter into
+the brain of the author--that irradiate, as with celestial light, his
+solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to
+persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these
+rhapsodies whenever they have occurred; not, I trust, from an unusual
+spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea
+how an author thinks and feels while he is writing--a kind of knowledge
+very rare and curious, and much to be desired.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+    [1] Beloe's Herodotus.
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+
+_BOOK I._
+
+CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULATIONS,
+CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+According to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge,
+opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of
+infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid,
+curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginary
+poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the center; thus
+forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal
+revolution.
+
+The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of
+day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively
+presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The
+latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts a
+luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this world
+is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by
+a centripetal or attractive force; otherwise called the attraction of
+gravitation; the combination, or rather the counteraction, of these two
+opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution. Hence result
+the different seasons of the year--viz., spring, summer, autumn, and
+winter.
+
+This I believe to be the most approved modern theory on the subject;
+though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different
+opinions; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great
+antiquity and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by some of the
+ancient sages that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast
+pillars; and by others that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back
+of a huge tortoise; but as they did not provide a resting place for either
+the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground for want
+of proper foundation.
+
+The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and
+moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by
+day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations
+during the night;[2] while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a
+vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of mild, nectar, and other delicious
+liquids; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the
+center by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragon
+occasionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena of
+lunar eclipses.[3]
+
+Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound
+conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of
+Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud el-Hadheli, who is commonly
+called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes the humble title of
+Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He
+has written a universal history, entitled, "Mouroudge-ed-dharab or the
+Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones."[4] In this valuable work
+he has related the history of the world, from the creation down to the
+moment of writing; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the
+month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of the
+Prophet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina
+constitute the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the
+left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us moreover, that an earth has
+existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000
+years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the
+opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance; it will be
+renovated every seventy thousandth hazarouam; each hazarouam consisting of
+12,000 years.
+
+These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers
+concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal
+perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers
+have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire;[5] others that it
+is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal;[6] and a third class,
+at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was nothing but
+a huge ignited mass of iron or stone--indeed he declared the heavens to be
+merely a vault of stone--and that the stars were stones whirled upward
+from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.[7] But
+I give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher, the people
+of Athens having fully refuted them by banishing him from their city; a
+concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former
+days. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fiery
+particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in a
+single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but being
+scattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in various
+points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished,
+not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of
+exhalations for the next occasion.[8]
+
+It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods, in
+consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completely burnt
+out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy
+circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heraclitus, that
+worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various
+speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel that the sun is a
+magnificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certain
+empyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swimming in its transparent
+atmosphere.[9]
+
+But we will not enter further at present into the nature of the sun, that
+being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this
+history; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless
+disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content
+ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, and
+will proceed to illustrate by experiment the complexity of motion therein
+described to this our rotatory planet.
+
+Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered
+into English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profound
+gravity of deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of
+examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who thereby
+worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the
+course of one of his lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket of
+water swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he
+threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his
+arm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a
+substitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the
+globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed
+no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly
+explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them,
+moreover, that the same principle of gravitation which retained the water
+in the bucket restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid
+revolutions; and he farther informed them that should the motion of the
+earth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into the sun,
+through the centripetal force of gravitation: a most ruinous event to this
+planet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably would
+not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those
+vagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men
+of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the
+experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the moment
+that the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
+astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor of
+youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the
+theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket
+perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von
+Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with
+unutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvelously edified,
+and departed considerably wiser than before.
+
+It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a
+painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most
+profound and elaborate efforts; so that often after having invented one
+of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the
+perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly
+contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited
+grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearned
+entirely upon the philosopher; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to
+his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of
+Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is
+continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take
+pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned
+and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the
+foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears
+that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its
+antagonist remains in undiminished potency: the world, therefore,
+according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety
+to tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do so,
+and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prognostics.
+But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her course, not
+withstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university of
+learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in
+very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight
+and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world had not a
+good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the
+parties, and effected a reconciliation.
+
+Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely
+determined to accommodate the theory to the world; he therefore informed
+his brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round the
+sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described
+than it became a regular revolution independent of the cause which gave it
+origin. His learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, being
+heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from
+their embarrassment; and ever since that memorable era the world has been
+left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit
+as she thinks proper.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+    [2] Faria y Souza: Mick. Lus. note b. 7.
+
+    [3] Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod.
+
+    [4] MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr.
+
+    [5] Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib. ii. cap. 20
+
+    [6] Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19; Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81; Stob.
+        Eclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56; Plut. de Plac. Philos.
+
+    [7] Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8; Plat Apol. t. i.
+        p. 26; Plut. de Plac. Philos; Xenoph. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815.
+
+    [8] Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2; Idem. Probl. sec. 15; Stob.
+        Ecl. Phys. 1. i. p. 55; Bruck. Hist. Phil, t. i. p. 1154, etc.
+
+    [9] Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72; Idem. 1801, p. 265; Nich. Philos.
+        Journ. i. p. 13.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some
+idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from
+whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of
+these points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this
+world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned
+island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an
+existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I
+should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe.
+
+And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a
+chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was
+perplexed withal; therefore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts,
+and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the
+left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, or
+have their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which will
+be flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolent
+or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had
+better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of some
+smoother chapter.
+
+Of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts;
+and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation,
+yet every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a
+better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice their
+several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and
+instructed.
+
+Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the
+whole system of the universe was the Deity himself;[10] a doctrine most
+strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, as
+also by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythagoras
+likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and
+triad; and by means of his sacred quaternary, elucidated the formation of
+the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and
+morals.[11] Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and
+triangles; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, the
+octahedron, the icosahedron, and the dodecahedron.[12] While others
+advocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction of
+our globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four material
+elements, air, earth, fire, and water; with the assistance of a fifth, an
+immaterial and vivifying principle.
+
+Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus
+before the siege of Troy; revived by Democritus of laughing memory;
+improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows; and modernized by the
+fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of which
+the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent; whether they are
+animate or inanimate; whether, agreeably, to the opinion of Atheists, they
+were fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, were arranged
+by a supreme intelligence.[13] Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate
+clod, or whether it be animated by a soul,[14] which opinion was
+strenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom
+stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of
+philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine
+of Platonic love--an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better
+adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis than
+to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, which
+populates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit.
+
+Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old
+Hesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode of
+procreation; and the plausible opinion of others, that the earth was
+hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and was
+cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last
+doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,[15] has favored us with an
+accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this
+mundane egg, which is found to bear a marvelous resemblance to that of a
+goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this
+our planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of
+antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latins
+have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that
+their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and
+inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day.
+
+But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of ancient sages, let
+me not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers, which, though
+less universal than renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal
+chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins in the pages
+of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo transformed himself into
+a great boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on
+his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise and a mighty snake; and
+Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he
+placed the earth upon the head of the snake.[16]
+
+The negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by the
+hands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Being
+constructed himself that it might be supremely excellent. And he took
+great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful;
+and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and
+smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his
+descendants, became flat.
+
+The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down from
+heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place
+was covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise,
+paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it
+finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.[17]
+
+But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish
+philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their
+erudition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my
+readers can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more
+intelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors.
+
+And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that this
+globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of
+the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the
+collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross
+vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted,
+according to their densities, earth, water, and air, which gradually
+arranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round the
+burning or vitrified mass that formed their center.
+
+Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were
+universally paramount; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the
+earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and
+mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other
+words, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing that
+of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a
+fountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of
+tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and
+thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before half
+the hideous task was accomplished.
+
+Whistorn, the same ingenious philosopher who rivaled Ditton in his
+researches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swift
+discharged on their heads a most savory stanza), has distinguished himself
+by a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it
+was originally a chaotic comet, which, being selected for the abode of
+man, was removed from its eccentric orbit; and whirled round the sun in
+its present regular motion; by which change of direction, order succeeded
+to confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The philosopher
+adds that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery
+tail of another comet; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved
+condition; thus furnishing a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevail
+even among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial
+harmony of the spheres so melodiously sung by the poets.
+
+But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of
+Burnet, and Woodward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my time
+will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve; and shall
+conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is
+as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulity
+as serious research, and who has recommended himself wonderfully to the
+good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries,
+amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora,
+has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According
+to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode,
+like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded the sun--which, in
+its flight, by a similar convulsion, exploded the earth, which in like
+guise exploded the moon--and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, the
+whole solar system was produced, and set most systematically in
+motion![18]
+
+By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if
+thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its
+parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude that the
+creation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined.
+I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could
+be constructed; and I have no doubt that had any of the philosophers above
+quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical
+warehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to manufacture, a planet
+as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we
+inhabit.
+
+And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence in creating
+comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their
+assistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the
+system of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the
+wonder-working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in his
+theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds,
+and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has
+but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and away he
+gallops in triumph like an enchanter on his hippogriff, or a Connecticut
+witch on her broomstick, "to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky."
+
+It is an old and vulgar saying about a "beggar on horseback" which I would
+not for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers; but I must
+confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery
+steeds, are as wild in their curvettings as was Phaeton of yore, when he
+aspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus. One drives his comet at full
+speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mighty
+concussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of
+burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and faggots; a third, of
+more combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet like a
+bombshell into the world, and blow it up like a powder magazine; while a
+fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants,
+insinuates that some day or other his comet--my modest pen blushes while I
+write it--shall absolutely turn tail upon our world and deluge it with
+water! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully
+provided by Providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them in
+manufacturing theories.
+
+And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur
+to my recollection, I leave my judicious readers at full liberty to
+choose among them. They are all serious speculations of learned men--all
+differ essentially from each other--and all have the same title to belief.
+It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the
+works of their predecessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in their
+stead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles
+of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius,
+of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errors
+and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and
+absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories
+are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of science
+amuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid
+admiration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom!
+Surely Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a
+soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally
+incomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be found
+not worthy the trouble of discovery.
+
+For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement among
+themselves, I shall content myself with the account handed down to us by
+Moses; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors of
+Connecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colony
+should be governed by the laws of God--until they had time to make better.
+
+One thing, however, appears certain--from the unanimous authority of the
+before quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of our own senses
+(which, though very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted as
+additional testimony)--it appears, I say, and I make the assertion
+deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was
+created, and that it is composed of land and water. It further appears
+that it is curiously divided and parceled out into continents and islands,
+among which I boldly declare the renowned island of New York will be found
+by any one who seeks for it in its proper place.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [10] Aristot. ap, Cic. lib. i. cap. 3.
+
+   [11] Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5.; Idem, de Coelo, 1. iii, c.
+        I; Rousseau mem. sur Musique ancien. p. 39; Plutarch de Plac.
+        Philos. lib. i. cap. 3.
+
+   [12] Tim. Locr. ap. Plato. t. iii. p. 90.
+
+   [13] Aristot. Nat. Auscult. I. ii. cap. 6; Aristoph. Metaph. lib.
+        i. cap. 3; Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10; Justin Mart. orat.
+        ad gent. p. 20.
+
+   [14] Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4; Tim. de anim. mund. ap. Plat.
+        lib. iii.; Mem. de l'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. p. 19.
+
+   [15] Book i. ch. 5.
+
+   [16] Holwell, Gent. Philosophy.
+
+   [17] Johannes Megapolensis. Jun. Account of Maquaas or Mohawk Indians.
+
+   [18] Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. cant. i. 1. 105.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat three sons, Shem,
+Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting who affirm that the
+patriarch had a number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him father of
+the gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus
+(who was the first inventor of Johnny cakes); and others have mentioned a
+son, named Thuiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or, in
+other words, the Dutch nation.
+
+I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to
+gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating minutely
+the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would be
+attended with more trouble than many people would imagine; for the good
+old patriarch seems to have been a great traveler in his day, and to have
+passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The
+Chaldeans, for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name into
+Xisuthrus--a trivial alteration, which to an historian skilled in
+etymologies will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, likewise, that he
+had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the
+gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals.
+The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu;
+the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges; and the Theban with
+Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most
+extensive and authentic historians, inasmuch as they have known the world
+much longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi;
+and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is that it is a
+fact, admitted by the most enlightened _literati_, that Noah traveled into
+China, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to
+improve himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shuckford
+gives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain on
+the frontiers of China.
+
+From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses many
+satisfactory deductions might be drawn; but I shall content myself with
+the simple fact stated in the Bible--viz., that Noah begat three sons,
+Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure
+contingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the
+most distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitably
+consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover
+these mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest triumph of his skill
+to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation, which at first
+sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my
+readers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can
+possibly have with this history; and many will stare when informed that
+the whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character and
+course from the simplest circumstance of the patriarch's having but three
+sons--but to explain.
+
+Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole
+surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee simple, after the
+deluge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children.
+To Shem he gave Asia; to Ham, Africa; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a
+thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there
+been a fourth he would doubtless have inherited America, which, of
+course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion;
+and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been
+spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first
+discovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having provided
+for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as mere
+wild unsettled land, and said nothing about it; and to this unpardonable
+taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America
+did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe.
+
+It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards
+posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was
+the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that
+ponderosity of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to his
+nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the
+globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion
+for the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious and
+enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his
+aversion to the marvelous, common to all great travelers, is conclusively
+of the same opinion; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the
+manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under
+the immediate direction of the great Noah. "I have already observed,"
+exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, "that it is
+an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to
+penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect,
+I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously
+believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and
+that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a ship
+which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals
+and quicksands to guard against, should be ignorant of, or should not
+have communicates to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean?
+Therefore, they did sail on the ocean--therefore, they sailed to
+America--therefore, America was discovered by Noah!"
+
+Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly
+characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather
+than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it
+a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained
+the thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am
+inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the
+worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of
+more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate
+historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of
+antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are
+particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the
+ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravely
+give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far
+more copious and accurate than the Bible; and that, in the course of
+another century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among
+historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of
+Robinson Crusoe.
+
+I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional
+suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first
+discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overload
+themselves in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous
+world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling,
+and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works,
+which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of
+straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established
+the fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country has
+been discovered I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be
+extremely brief upon this point.
+
+I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was first
+discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet,
+which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that
+Carthaginian expedition which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discovered
+the Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony from
+Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether
+it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness
+advances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron; nor be Behem the
+German navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savants of
+the learned city of Philadelphia.
+
+Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on
+the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who, having never
+returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to
+America, and that for a plain reason if he did not go there, where else
+could he have gone?--a question which most Socratically shuts out all
+further dispute.
+
+Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a
+multitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the
+vulgar opinion that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492,
+by Christopher Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus,
+but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of
+this Colon I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently
+known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been
+called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident.
+
+Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture
+them to myself, all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of
+promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into
+their possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of a
+regular bred historian! No--no--most curious and thrice-learned readers
+(for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and
+nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we have
+yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this
+fair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a
+country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might
+revel at their ease? No such thing. They had forests to cut down,
+underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In
+like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and
+paradoxes to explain before I permit you to range at random; but these
+difficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily
+through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the
+nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been
+found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense--this being an
+improvement in history which I claim the merit of having invented.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history
+is to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled--a
+point fruitful of incredible embarrassments; for unless we prove that the
+aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately
+asserted in this age of scepticism, that they did not come at all; and if
+they did not come at all, then was this country never populated--a
+conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly
+irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must
+syllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populous
+region.
+
+To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so
+many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been
+plundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained! and how many
+capacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for ever
+confounded! I pause with reverential awe when I contemplate the ponderous
+tomes in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve
+this question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involved
+in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged
+in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and, after leading us a
+weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the
+end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless
+some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet
+Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematises most
+heartily as "an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry about
+unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and
+to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done." But to proceed.
+
+Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this
+country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my
+last chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of
+Abraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), when he first
+discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with a
+shrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had found
+the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing
+the temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remains
+of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the
+precious ore.
+
+So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was
+too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of
+learning; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to
+swear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities
+and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robert Stephens
+declared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the least
+hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early
+settlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, and several other
+sagacious writers lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras,
+which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of an
+arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability.
+
+Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure when in
+trudges a phalanx of opposite authors with Hans de Laet, the great
+Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about
+their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claims
+to the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocal
+symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to
+be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who has
+always effected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. "A remark,"
+says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, "made by all good authors who have
+spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, besides,
+on the authority of the fathers of the church."
+
+Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled to
+mention Lopez de Gomara and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites,
+being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a
+panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take
+breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither
+their national language, manners, nor features with them it is supposed
+they left them behind in the hurry of their flight. I cannot give my
+faith to this opinion.
+
+I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, who being both an
+ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, that
+North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that
+Peru was founded by a colony from China--Manco or Mungo Capac, the first
+Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely mention that
+Father Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians,
+Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a
+skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celtæ, Marinocus the Sicilian
+to the Romans, Le Comte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martin
+d'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De Laet,
+that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor.
+
+Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is
+the fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveler Marco
+Polo the Venetian; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis,
+described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish
+assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally
+furnished with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion of Dr.
+Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the
+Indian race; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin,
+so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is
+accidentally descended foam a remarkable family of monkeys!
+
+This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very
+ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing
+in stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once
+electrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders.
+Little did I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to be
+treated with equal discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholding
+these grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transformations of the
+hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and
+with one hypocritical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determined
+from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories,
+but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they
+transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to
+this great field of theoretical warfare.
+
+This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water.
+Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first by the
+north of Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by regions
+southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his
+Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea,
+through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; and various
+writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for the
+accommodation of these travelers, have fastened the two continents
+together by a strong chain of deductions--by which means they could pass
+over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious old
+gentleman, who compiles books and manufactures geographies, has
+constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the
+distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits-for which he is
+entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever
+did or ever will pass over it.
+
+It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above
+quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring
+hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In
+this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird,
+which, in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all
+the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to
+impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle
+productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care
+that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack
+each other.
+
+My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one
+has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon--or
+that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white
+bears cruise about the northern oceans--or that they were conveyed hither
+by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais--or by
+witchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars--or after the manner of
+the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on
+full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of a
+golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo.
+
+But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been
+peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth
+all the rest; it is--by accident! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New
+Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes: "In
+fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been
+so by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it
+not have been at the same time, and by the same means, with the other
+parts of the globe?" This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions
+from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves
+the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world
+without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the
+dexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the
+gordian knot--"Nothing," says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of both
+hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common
+father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the
+world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it was
+necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been
+overcome!" Pious logician! how does he put all the herd of laborious
+theorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what it has cost them
+volumes to prove they knew nothing about!
+
+From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have
+consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned
+reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however,
+are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has
+actually been peopled (Q.E.D.) to support which we have living proofs in
+the numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has been
+peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors,
+who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been
+eye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this country had a
+variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit
+by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better.
+The question, therefore, I trust, is for ever at rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an
+adventurous knight, who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of
+establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry to turn back for
+no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy
+he may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and
+fall to with might and main at those doughty questions and subtle
+paradoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance
+to my history, and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And at
+this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by
+the beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in my
+historic undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall
+have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to
+conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work.
+
+The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first
+discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country without
+first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate
+compensation for their territory?--a question which has withstood many
+fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of
+kind-hearted folk. And, indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to
+rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they
+inhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied conscience.
+
+The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is
+discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which has
+never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an
+uninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered as
+enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.[19]
+
+This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that the Europeans who
+first visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing being
+necessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it
+was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point
+of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world
+abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had
+something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible
+sounds, very much like language; in short, had a marvelous resemblance to
+human beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the
+discoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by
+establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this
+point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the Pope and of all
+Christian voyagers and discoverers.
+
+They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian writers arose on the
+other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established,
+that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals,
+detestable monsters, and many of them giants--which last description of
+vagrants have, since the time of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered
+as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or
+song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to be
+people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous
+custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh.
+
+Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism; among many other
+writers of discernment, Ulla tells us, "their imbecility is so visible
+that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of
+the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally
+insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as
+contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no
+impression on them, and respect as little." All this is furthermore
+supported by the authority of M. Boggier. "It is not easy," says he, "to
+describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its
+advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when
+one would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money;
+they answer they are not hungry." And Vane gas confirms the whole,
+assuring us that "ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being
+thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us--honor, fame,
+reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions--are unknown among them. So
+that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good and
+real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy
+mortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason is
+not completed."
+
+Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlightened states of
+Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as
+having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere
+talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sages
+and philosophers; yet were they clearly proved in the present instance to
+betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human
+character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these
+unhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument, advanced still
+stronger proofs; for as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and
+among the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and have no beards!
+"They have nothing," says Lullus, "of the reasonable animal, except the
+mask." And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was
+soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion--and being of a
+copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes--and
+negroes are black, "and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing
+themselves, "is the color of the devil!" Therefore, so far from being able
+to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom--for liberty
+is too radiant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which
+circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and
+Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they
+infested--that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless,
+black-seed--mere wild beasts of the forests and, like them, should either
+be subdued or exterminated.
+
+From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally
+conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this
+fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling
+wilderness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts; and that the
+transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein, by
+the right of discovery.
+
+This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the
+right acquired by cultivation. "The cultivation of the soil," we are told,
+"is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is
+appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants; but it would be
+incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged
+by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share.
+Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having
+fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by
+rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as
+savage and pernicious beasts."[20]
+
+Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture when
+first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly,
+unrighteous life, rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting
+upon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to
+yield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown
+that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured,
+and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country seats, and
+pleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothing
+about--therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence had
+bestowed on them--therefore they were careless stewards--therefore, they
+had no right to the soil--therefore, they deserved to be exterminated.
+
+It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from
+the land which their simple wants required--they found plenty of game to
+hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth,
+furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that as
+Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wants
+of man, so long as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven was
+accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the
+blessings around them--they were so much the more savages for not having
+more wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and it
+is this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires that
+distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having
+more wants, were very unreasonable animals; and it was but just that they
+should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one,
+and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating
+it more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides--Grotius and Lauterbach,
+and Puffendorf, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered
+the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot
+be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it--nothing but
+precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can
+establish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never having
+read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these
+necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil,
+but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had
+more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial,
+desires than themselves.
+
+In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated country, therefore, the
+new comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid
+doctrine, was their own property--therefore in opposing them, the savages
+were invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature,
+and counteracting the will of Heaven--therefore, they were guilty of
+impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case--therefore, they were hardened
+offenders against God and man--therefore, they ought to be exterminated.
+
+But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one
+which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be
+blessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired by
+civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor
+savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, what
+is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of
+their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe
+behold their sad condition than they immediately went to work to
+ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy,
+and the other comforts of life--and it is astonishing to read how soon the
+poor savages learn to estimate those blessings--they likewise made known
+to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are
+alleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits and
+enjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced among
+them the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By these and a
+variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages
+wonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had
+before been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has most
+wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race
+of beings.
+
+But the most important branch of civilization, and which has most
+strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Roman
+Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight
+that might well inspire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among the
+dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of
+religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober,
+frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but though they acted right
+habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new
+comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and
+practice the true religion--except, indeed, that of setting them the
+example.
+
+But not withstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was
+the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they
+ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors,
+and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate;
+most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, the advocates of
+Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too
+much for human patience? Would not one suppose that the benign visitants
+from Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their
+stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores, and
+consigned them to their original ignorance and misery? But no: so zealous
+were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these
+pagan infidels that they even proceeded from the milder means of
+persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution--let
+loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious
+bloodhounds--purified them by fire and sword, by stake and faggot; in
+consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love
+and charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one fifth of
+the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found there
+at the time of its discovery.
+
+What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country than
+this? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted
+with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of which they
+were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and
+smoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, and
+absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the
+vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage
+their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; and
+have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on
+things above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father,
+in a letter to his superior in Spain: "Can any one have the presumption to
+say that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than an
+inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a
+little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a
+glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven."
+
+Here then are three complete and undeniable sources of right established,
+any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the
+newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain
+parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discovery
+has been so strenuously asserted--the influence of cultivation so
+industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so
+zealously persecuted; that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions,
+oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the
+skirts of great benefits--the savage aborigines have, somehow or other,
+been utterly annihilated--and this all at once brings me to a fourth
+right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original
+claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to
+inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate
+occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds
+to the clothes of the malefactor--and as they have Blackstone[21] and all
+the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions
+of ejectment at defiance--and this last right may be entitled the right by
+extermination, or in other words, the right by gunpowder.
+
+But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to
+settle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI.
+issued a mighty Bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered
+quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese; who, thus having law
+and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal,
+showed the pagan savages neither favor nor affection, but persecuted the
+work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten
+times more fury than ever.
+
+Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly
+entitled to the soil, and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to
+the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far,
+endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains,
+for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and
+heathenish condition; for having made them acquainted with the comforts of
+life; for having introduced among them the light of religion; and,
+finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward!
+
+But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when
+it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this
+question should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case,
+by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers.
+
+Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, by astonishing
+advancement in science, and by profound insight into that ineffable lunar
+philosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the
+feebled optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our
+globe--let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by these
+means, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviable
+state of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate the
+boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring
+philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the
+stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg
+my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too
+frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave
+speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein
+at present; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may
+deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and
+many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares and
+contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have
+I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were most
+probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon
+discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in
+the air or cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and
+incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigating
+floating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages. We
+have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our
+planet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their
+sea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerial
+vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that
+between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their
+discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations;
+but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my
+reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his
+attentive consideration.
+
+To return, then, to my supposition--let us suppose that the aerial
+visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to
+ourselves--that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of
+extermination--riding on hippogriffs--defended with impenetrable
+armor--armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines,
+to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity
+will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and
+consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they
+first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only our
+self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poor
+savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the
+terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly
+convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous,
+powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment the
+lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or
+even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic.
+
+Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet to
+be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wild
+beasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his most
+gracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding however
+that their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, on
+account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our
+worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty
+Bonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their native
+planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as
+spectacles in the courts of Europe.
+
+Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they
+shall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I can
+conjecture, the following terms:----
+
+"Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
+can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
+and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
+thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
+course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
+dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
+monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
+important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
+totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
+everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
+heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms--have two eyes
+instead of one--are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
+unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
+pea-green.
+
+"We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the
+utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own
+wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community
+of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers
+of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy
+among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians.
+Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary
+wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to
+introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We
+have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrous
+oxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the
+females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts
+of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the
+contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the
+profound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable,
+immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these
+wretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and
+adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublime
+doctrines of the moon--nay, among other abominable heresies they even went
+so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of
+nothing more nor less than green cheese!"
+
+At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very profound
+philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal
+authority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilome his
+holiness the Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying,
+"That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and taken
+possession of a newly-discovered planet called the earth; and that whereas
+it is inhabited by none but a race of two-legged animals that carry their
+heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms; cannot talk the
+Lunatic language; have two eyes instead of one; are destitute of tails,
+and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green--therefore, and for a
+variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of
+possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title
+to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, the
+colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are
+authorised and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel
+savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and
+absolute Lunatics."
+
+In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic benefactors go to
+work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us
+from our rightful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we are
+unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say,
+"Miserable barbarians! ungrateful wretches! have we not come thousands of
+miles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you with
+moonshine! have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide? does not our
+moon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to murmur, when
+we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits?" But finding that we not
+only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in
+their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property,
+their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior
+powers of argument; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us with
+concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moonstones; until having
+by main force converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit
+us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of
+Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of
+lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened
+savages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable
+forests of the north, or the impenetrable wilderness of South America.
+
+Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly illustrated, the right
+of the early colonists to the possession of this country; and thus is this
+gigantic question completely vanquished: so having manfully surmounted all
+obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should
+forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a
+manner besieging? But hold: before I proceed another step I must pause to
+take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in
+preparing to begin this most accurate of histories. And in this I do but
+imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a
+start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having
+run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself
+quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his
+leisure.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [19] Grotius: Puffendorf, b. v. c. 4, Vattel, b. i. c. 18, etc.
+
+   [20] Vattel, b. i. ch. 17.
+
+   [21] Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK II._
+
+TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, when
+employed to build the large stone church at Rotterdam, which stands about
+three hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, and
+which is so conveniently constructed that all the zealous Christians of
+Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church in
+the city--my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous
+church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; then
+having purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the best
+Virginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three
+months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months
+more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the trekschuit, from Rotterdam
+to Amsterdam--to Delft--to Haerlem--to Leyden--to the Hague, knocking his
+head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he
+advance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in full
+sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did
+he spend three months longer in walking round it and round it;
+contemplating it, first from one point of view and then from another--now
+he would be paddled by it on the canal--now would he peep at it through a
+telescope, from the other side of the Meuse--and now would he take a
+bird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of those gigantic windmills
+which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on
+the tiptoe of expectation and impatience--notwithstanding all the turmoil
+of my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen;
+they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that
+its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he
+had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing
+and paddling, and talking and walking--having traveled over all Holland,
+and even taken a peep into France and Germany--having smoked five hundred
+and ninety-nine pipes and three hundredweight of the best Virginia
+tobacco--my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing and
+industrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's business
+sooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair of
+breeches, he advanced sturdily up, and laid the corner-stone of the
+church, in the presence of the whole multitude--just at the commencement
+of the thirteenth month.
+
+In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full
+before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history.
+The honest Rotterdammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing
+nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world of
+prefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of the
+ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose that
+all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and final
+settlement of America, were totally irrelevant and superfluous--and that
+the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced
+than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistaken
+in their conjectures. In consequence of going to work slowly and
+deliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one of the
+most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in the known
+world--excepting that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it was
+begun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not afford to finish
+more than the wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to
+finish this work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth,
+I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the
+latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the great
+American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small
+subject--which nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of
+historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story.
+
+In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the
+five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that "worthy and
+irrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called), Master Henry
+Hudson," set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon,
+being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-west
+passage to China.
+
+Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a
+seafaring man of renown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter
+Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland,
+which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find
+great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short,
+square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and a
+broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its
+fiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe.
+
+He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's
+cocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking
+up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not
+unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hard
+north-westers which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring.
+
+Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so
+little; and I have been thus particular in his description, for the
+benefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him as
+he was; and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make
+him look like a Cæsar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere.
+
+As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose Master Robert
+Juet, of Limehouse, in England. By some his name has been spelt Chewit,
+and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that
+ever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy; more
+especially as certain of his progeny are living at this day, who write
+their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great
+Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in a
+neighboring pond, when they were little boys; from whence, it is said, the
+commodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is
+that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be a unlucky
+urchin prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows.
+
+He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a rambling, heedless
+varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, meeting with more
+perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more
+wise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he comforted himself
+with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim that "it will be
+all the same thing a hundred years hence." He was skilled in the art of
+carving anchors and true lovers' knot on the bulk-heads and quarter
+railings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of
+his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making a
+wry face at old Hendrick when his back was turned.
+
+To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning
+this voyage, of which he wrote a history, at the request of the commodore,
+who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having received
+so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of
+Master Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I have
+availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my
+great-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of
+cabin-boy.
+
+From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the
+voyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an
+expedition into my work without making any more of it.
+
+Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil--the crew, being
+a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but little
+troubled with the disease of thinking--a malady of the mind, which is the
+sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and
+sour-krout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless
+the wind blew. True it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or
+three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus,
+for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and the
+weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch
+seamen as certain weather-breeders, or prognostics, that the weather would
+change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to that
+ancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at
+night, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by which precaution they had a
+good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning,
+and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark. He
+likewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six
+pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert; and no man
+was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as
+is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances,
+though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquillity of
+the honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; they ate hugely,
+drank profusely, and slept immeasurably; and being under the especial
+guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast of
+America; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and
+on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic
+bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York,
+and which had never before been visited by any European.[22]
+
+It has been traditionary in our family that when the great navigator was
+first blessed with a view of this enchanting island, he was observed, for
+the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of
+astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to master Juet, and
+uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of
+the new world--"See! there!"--and thereupon, as was always his way when he
+was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke
+that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juet
+was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog.
+
+"It was indeed," as my great-grandfather used to say, though in truth I
+never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born--"it
+was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled for ever, in ever
+new and never-ending beauties." The island of Manna-hata spread wide
+before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of
+industrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above
+another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth; some pointing their
+tapering foliage towards the clouds which were gloriously transparent, and
+others loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing their
+branches to the earth that was covered with flowers. On the gentle
+declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, the
+sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms
+glowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foliage; and here
+and there a curling column of smoke rising from the little glens that
+opened along the shore seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome at
+the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entranced
+attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers,
+issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonder
+the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver
+lake, sounded the war-whoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer,
+to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard
+such a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives.
+
+Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the
+latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried currants; how they brought great
+store of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and
+how he was buried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider them
+unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order
+to refresh themselves after their seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor,
+to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is
+said, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck; though we
+are assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by John
+Josselyn, gent., that it was called the Mohegan;[23] and Master Richard
+Bloome, who wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same--so that I very
+much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be
+this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, little
+doubting but it would turn to be the much-looked-for passage to China!
+
+The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew
+and the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would be
+impertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the
+following dry joke, played off by the old commodore and his schoolfellow
+Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy
+that I cannot refrain from inserting it. "Our master and his mate
+determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey whether they had
+any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave
+them so much wine and acqua vitæ that they were all merrie; and one of
+them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countrey
+women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke,
+which had been aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there,
+and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it."[24]
+
+Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives
+were an honest, social race of jolly roysterers, who had no objection to
+a drinking bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodore
+chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his
+cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the
+satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University of
+Leyden--which done, he proceeded on his voyage with great
+self-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the
+river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow
+and confined, the current more rapid and perfectly fresh--phenomena not
+uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchman
+prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated
+full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's
+running aground--whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was but
+little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was
+despatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return,
+confirmed the opinion; upon this the ship was warped off and put about
+with great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to
+govern; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of my
+great-great-grandfather, returned down the river--with a prodigious flea
+in his ear!
+
+Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China,
+unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a
+fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was
+received with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who were
+very much rejoiced to see him come back safe--with their ship; and at a
+large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of
+Amsterdam it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward for
+the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had
+made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and it
+continues to be called Hudson River unto this very day.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [22] True it is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a
+        certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is
+        to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by one
+        Giovanni, or John Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined
+        to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited
+        nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enterprising
+        Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the countenance of
+        certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter
+        disbelief, and that for various good and substantial reasons:
+        First, because on strict examination it will be found that the
+        description given by this Verazzani applies about as well to the
+        bay of New York as it does to my nightcap. Secondly, because that
+        this John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to feel a most
+        bitter enmity, is a native of Florence, and everybody knows the
+        crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched
+        away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly
+        called Columbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman,
+        Amerigo Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to
+        rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this
+        beauteous island, adorned by the city of New York, and placing it
+        beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I
+        award my decision in favor of the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson,
+        inasmuch as his expedition sailed from Holland, being truly and
+        absolutely a Dutch enterprise; and though all the proofs in the
+        world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at
+        nought as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not
+        sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I
+        can say is they are degenerate descendants from their venerable
+        Dutch ancestors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing.
+        Thus, therefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned
+        discovery is fully vindicated.
+
+   [23] This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as
+        Manhattan--Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river.
+
+   [24] Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet of the
+country they had discovered excited not a little talk and speculation
+among the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted by
+Government to an association of merchants, called the West India Company,
+for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected a
+trading-house called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the
+great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and
+colonizing enterprises which took place; among which was that of Mynheer
+Adrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous
+for its cheese--and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth
+to this renowned city.
+
+It was some three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrick
+that a crew of honest Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city of
+Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history,
+and a great proof of the darkness of the age and the lamentable neglect of
+the noble art of book-making, since so industriously cultivated by knowing
+sea-captains and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interesting
+and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my
+great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled
+to give concerning it--he having once more embarked for this country, with
+a full determination, as he said, of ending his days here--and of
+begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the
+land.
+
+The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail was called the
+Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the president of
+the West India Company, who was allowed by everybody, except her husband,
+to be a sweet-tempered lady--when not in liquor. It was in truth a most
+gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the
+ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model
+their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, it
+had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one
+hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the taffrail. Like the
+beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam,
+it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous catheads, a copper
+bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop.
+
+The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decorating
+the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune or Hercules, which
+heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and
+shipwreck of many a noble vessel, he I say, on the contrary, did laudably
+erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low,
+broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that
+reached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the staunch
+ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the
+great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwise
+engaged, rung a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion.
+
+My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly
+prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St.
+Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to
+common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along
+very nearly as fast with the wind a head as when it was a-poop, and was
+particularly great in a calm; in consequence of which singular advantage
+she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to
+anchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island.
+
+Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at present called the
+Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of
+spreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in
+stupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately dispatched to
+enter into a treaty with them, and, approaching the shore, hailed them
+through a trumpet in the most friendly terms; but so horribly confounded
+were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low
+Dutch language that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered
+over the Bergen Hills: nor did they stop until they had buried themselves,
+head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably
+perished to a man; and their bones being collected and decently covered by
+the Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound called
+Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the center of the salt marshes a
+little to the east of the Newark Causeway.
+
+Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in
+triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General; and marching fearlessly
+forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, not withstanding that
+it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and
+pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the
+excellences of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed St.
+Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle their
+colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of
+piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for
+the constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore was
+peculiarly favorable to the building of docks; in a word, this spot
+abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch City.
+On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw,
+they one and all determined that this was the destined end of their
+voyage. Accordingly, they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women and
+children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and
+formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the
+Indian name Communipaw.
+
+As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with Communipaw, it may
+seem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my
+readers will please to recollect, that not withstanding it is my chief
+desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and
+have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of
+centuries yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for this
+invaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh,
+and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct--sunk and forgotten in
+its own mud--its inhabitants turned into oysters,[25] and even its
+situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headed
+investigation among indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescue
+from oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whence
+was hatched the mighty city of New York!
+
+Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated among
+rural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known
+in ancient legends by the name of Pavonia,[26] and commands a grand
+prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's
+sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be
+distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well known fact, which I can
+testify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening you
+may hear from the battery of New York the obstreperous peals of
+broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most
+other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly the
+case on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and
+observant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood
+of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to the
+circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on.
+
+These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, engross all the
+knowledge of the place, and, being infinitely more adventurous, and more
+knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, making
+frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk and
+cabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of
+weather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are, moreover, exquisite
+performers on three-stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast the
+far-famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse nor an ox in the place,
+when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears
+the well known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from their
+amazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingers they are regarded
+with as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore when
+initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers.
+
+As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound
+philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads
+about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they live
+in profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anxieties, and
+revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them
+do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from
+tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island; that Spiking-devil and
+the Narrows are the two ends of the world; that the country is still under
+the dominion of their High Mightinesses, and that the city of New York
+still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday
+afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a
+square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent
+pipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug
+of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom they imagine is still
+sweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead.
+
+Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in the
+vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strongholds
+and fastnesses whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have
+retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous
+strictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate
+from father to son--the identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat,
+and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; and
+several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that made
+gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language
+likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations; and so
+critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that his
+reading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the
+filing of a hand-saw.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [25] Men by inaction degenerate into oysters.--Kaimes.
+
+   [26] Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country
+        extending from about Hoboken to Amboy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter
+discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw,
+as being the mother settlement; and having given a faithful picture of it
+as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of
+self-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede
+Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, the
+settlement went jollily on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The
+neighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound
+of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between
+them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and
+the Dutch to long silence; in this particular, therefore, they
+accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches
+about the big bull, the wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others
+would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her;
+whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the
+new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the
+latter in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught them
+the art of making bargains.
+
+A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch traders were
+scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight,
+establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of a
+Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true the simple
+Indians were often puzzled by the great disproportion between bulk and
+weight, for let them place a bundle of furs never so large in one scale,
+and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to
+kick the beam; never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two
+pounds in the market of Communipaw!
+
+This is a singular fact; but I have it direct from my
+great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in the
+colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on account of the
+uncommon heaviness of his foot.
+
+The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very
+thriving appearance, and were comprehended under the general title of
+Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their
+great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, which indeed was truly
+remarkable, excepting that the former was rugged and mountainous, and the
+latter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch
+colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain
+Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, Governor of
+Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded
+their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this
+arrogant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted
+for the time, like discreet and reasonable men.
+
+It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of
+Communipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in
+sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that they fell
+to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence; insomuch that they
+quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and
+marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, and
+overhung the fair regions of Pavonia--so that the terrible Captain Argal
+passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay
+snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In
+commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants have
+continued to smoke almost without intermission unto this very day, which
+is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over
+Communipaw of a clear afternoon.
+
+Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous ancestors took full six
+months to recover their wind, having been exceedingly discomposed by the
+consternation and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of safety
+to smoke over the state of the provinces. At this council presided one
+Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who had originally been one of a set of peripatetic
+philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side
+of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland; enjoying, like Diogenes, a
+free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or
+Lackland) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to
+indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he
+had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita; and he had come out
+to the new world to look after them.
+
+Like all land speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did
+anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had
+previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict
+events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly
+valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of
+antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his
+waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any
+great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same may be
+said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the
+Dreamer.
+
+As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit;
+and he was as much a lackland as ever. Still he carried a high head in the
+community: if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it
+oft with a taller cock's tail; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, he
+puffed it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of a
+hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was
+not a mere ruffle.
+
+The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of
+emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site
+for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St.
+Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom he
+had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he
+bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw.
+
+Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt,
+who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye, because he
+had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was
+anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be
+present at the distribution of "town lots." But we must not give heed to
+such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthy
+gentlemen engaged in laying out towns and in other land speculations.
+
+This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who chose
+as lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mynheers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus Van
+Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck--three indubitably great men, but of whose
+history, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little
+previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise;
+for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have
+seldom much celebrity in their own countries; but this much is certain
+that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariably
+composed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot help
+remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great
+families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes
+of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly
+announced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign
+country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being
+kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has
+been occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other
+illustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, has been
+completely discountenanced in this sceptical, matter-of-fact age; and I
+even question whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally and
+unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor
+firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a
+shower of gold, or a river god.
+
+Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I
+should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that
+of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt--that is to say,
+from the dirt--gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, the
+Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra or the Earth! This
+supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known
+that all the progeny of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature; and Van
+Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with
+an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van
+Zandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to belief than what is related
+and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest,
+men, who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from a
+dunghill!
+
+Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time,
+which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little
+man; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was
+familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches.
+
+Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular but
+ludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth,
+I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible with
+the gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentleman should
+likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the
+most ignoble part of the dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems to
+have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors,
+in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been
+pronounced "the seat of honor."
+
+The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, Tin Broeck, has
+been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. The most
+elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or
+rather Thin, Breeches; whence they infer that the original bearer of it
+was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest,
+and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly
+philosophical stanza:----
+
+    "Then why should we quarrel for riches,
+      Or any such glittering toys?
+    A light heart and thin pair of breeches
+      Will go through the world, my brave boys!"
+
+The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in favor of the other
+reading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man,
+who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to
+introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of
+breeches.
+
+Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany
+him in this voyage into unknown realms; as to the names of his crews they
+have not been handed down by history.
+
+Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air,
+among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Oloffe had become
+familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine
+when a storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful husband can
+foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about
+his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage, when the skies
+appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's
+rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills; precautions
+taken by our forefathers, even in after times when they became more
+adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or
+any other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappen Zee.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+And now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon the
+rising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his
+blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that
+delicious season of the year when Nature, breaking from the chilling
+thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a
+sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into
+the arms of youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove
+resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they
+sipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the
+joyous epithalamium--the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, "the
+voice of the turtle was heard in the land," and the heart of man dissolved
+away in tenderness. Oh, sweet Theocritus! had I thine oaten reed,
+wherewith thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains; or, oh, gentle
+Bion! thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so
+much delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent
+Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save this
+jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign all
+poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose;
+comforting myself with the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetly
+upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virgin
+modesty, to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of
+truth.
+
+No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of
+Communipaw than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from
+his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a
+far-resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did
+they trudge resolutely down to the water side, escorted by a multitude of
+relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses
+it, "to see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long family
+processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and
+sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting some bevy of country
+cousins about to depart for home in a market-boat.
+
+The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and
+hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a
+tub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now,
+all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the
+beach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of hearing,
+wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care of
+themselves, not to get drowned--with an abundance of other of those sage
+and invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down to
+the sea in ships, and adventure upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the
+voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay,
+and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia.
+
+And first they touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite
+Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence about
+the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the
+Highlands and made its way to the ocean.[27] For, in this tremendous
+uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land
+were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for
+sixty or seventy miles; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just
+opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while
+others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficient
+proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands
+is exactly similar to that of the Highlands; and moreover, one of our
+philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their
+respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence,
+that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on
+Anthony's nose.[28]
+
+Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's
+Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries.
+They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted
+much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did
+greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country.
+
+Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by,
+turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element
+in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was
+greatly rejoiced. "This," exclaimed he, "if I mistake not, augurs
+well--the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish--a burgomaster among
+fishes--his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admire
+this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success
+of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the
+track of these alderman fishes.
+
+Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait,
+vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses
+through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van
+Kortlandt had embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in
+a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, who
+had all his life long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of
+canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some
+supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some
+fair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations.
+
+Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous
+point of land since called Corlear's Hook,[29] and leaving to the right
+the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent
+expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was
+exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around
+them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at
+a distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in fishing, who
+seemed more like the genii of this romantic region--their slender canoe
+lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay.
+
+At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little
+troubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's
+boat was stationed a valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being
+interpreted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage).
+
+No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled with
+excessive valor, and although a good half mile distant, he seized a
+musketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most
+intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled,
+and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate
+with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of
+this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with
+consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one
+of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore.
+
+This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of the
+achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay,
+and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present.
+The heart of the good Van Kortlandt--who, having no land of his own, was a
+great admirer of other people's--expanded to the full size of a peppercorn
+at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and
+falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in the
+possession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of
+cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the
+sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this
+land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for
+shore; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of
+Bellevue--that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of
+the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities.
+
+Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran
+sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of
+the seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided
+for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberate
+powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to be
+done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by
+Christian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the
+great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which
+afterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The
+sturdy Harden Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the
+salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the
+bottom of Kip's Bay, counseled by all means to return thither, and found
+the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten
+Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of
+this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented; this
+much is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, by
+determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious
+porpoises had so clearly pointed out; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches
+abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a
+fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued
+to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day.
+
+By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the
+side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; and
+now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again
+committed themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the western
+shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island.
+
+And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little
+marvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be
+caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would
+wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of
+Manna-hata; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending
+rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves,
+which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borne
+away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much
+discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly
+receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra firma was
+giving them the slip.
+
+Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom
+around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness
+of Nature, who here reveled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now
+bristled like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart
+plants! minions of wealth and fashion!), were then adorned with the
+vigorous natives of the soil--the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, the
+graceful elm--while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic
+head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of
+luxury--villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute
+oft breathes the sighings of some city swain--there the fish-hawk built
+his solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The
+timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lover's
+moonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage
+solitude extended over those happy regions, where now are reared the
+stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders.
+
+Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, the
+gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which
+strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as
+they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern
+mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like
+an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a
+wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously
+intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each
+other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island,
+dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched the
+pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name
+of Hallet's Cove--a place infamous in latter days, by reason of its being
+the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and
+water-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging in
+their pleasure boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully
+receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista
+through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, and
+East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly weeded
+country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines
+of upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole the purple
+mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness.
+
+Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend,
+wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure that
+seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility
+prevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of
+twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty,
+heightened the charms which it half concealed.
+
+Ah! witching scenes of foul delusion! Ah! hapless voyagers, gazing with
+simple wonder on these Circean shores! Such, alas! are they, poor easy
+souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world; treacherous are its
+smiles, fatal its caresses! He who yields to its enticements launches upon
+a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a
+whirlpool! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little
+mistrusting the guileful sense before them, drifted quietly on, until they
+were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For
+now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to
+boil and foam with horrible fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the
+astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid
+the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful
+consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among
+tumultuous breakers; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they
+were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks! more
+voracious than Scylla and her whelps!); and anon they seemed sinking into
+yawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the
+elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged--the
+winds howled--and as they were hurried along several of the astonished
+mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving
+through the air!
+
+At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt was drawn into the
+vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled
+about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew
+were overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the
+revolution.
+
+How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this
+modern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived to
+tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many
+different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions
+on the subject.
+
+As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they
+found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore,
+indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in
+this time of peril; how that he saw specters flying in the air, and heard
+the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were
+whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several
+uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles;
+but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel
+porpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the
+Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan!
+
+These, however, were considered by many as mere phantasies of the
+commodore, while he lay in a trance, especially as he was known to be
+given to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearly
+ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and
+his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this
+marvelous strait--as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of
+the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle--how he broils fish there before
+a storm; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of putting
+too much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances, the
+Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it has
+been interpreted, Hell-gate;[30] which it continues to bear at the present
+day.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [27] It is a matter long since established by certain of our
+        philosophers, that is to say, having been often advanced and
+        never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a
+        settled fact, that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by
+        the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however,
+        becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing
+        pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their
+        extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent
+        struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to pass
+        in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art
+        of running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not
+        pretend to be skilled, not withstanding that I do fully give it
+        my belief.
+
+   [28] A promontory in the Highlands.
+
+   [29] Properly spelt Hoeck (i.e. a point of land).
+
+   [30] This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six
+        miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under
+        the care of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks,
+        shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundry appellations,
+        such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are
+        very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain
+        mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give
+        the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name
+        into Hell-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how they venture
+        into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are
+        aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is
+        supported by the map of Vander Donck's history, published in
+        1656--by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671--as also by a journal
+        still extant, written in the sixteenth century, and to be found
+        in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS, written in French,
+        speaking of various alterations, in names about this city,
+        observes, "De Hellegat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate,
+        porte d'Enfer."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful
+night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly
+assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the
+hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning
+dawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away, rapids,
+breakers and whirlpools had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth and
+dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back towards the
+quarter where lay their much regretted home.
+
+The woebegone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful
+countenances; their squadrons had been totally dispersed by the late
+disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one
+Ruleff Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the
+six-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing.
+
+The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where,
+having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to
+conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern; whence, it is said,
+did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have ever
+since continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they were
+thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts.
+But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling
+overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of his
+nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or
+like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was
+found the next morning busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine.
+
+I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remaining
+followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city
+in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that
+they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny
+element, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their
+yesterday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant
+sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia.
+
+Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they
+were encountered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward
+voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar
+against the stream; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score of
+potent billows rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on
+the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay.
+
+Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune to strand the
+expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this
+western world; others, more pious, attribute everything to the
+guardianship of the good St. Nicholas; and after events will be found to
+corroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman.
+Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him; and his first thought
+on finding him once more on dry ground was how he should contrive to
+celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a
+solemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by the
+good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted; but in casting his
+eyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A
+great store of these was instantly collected; a fire was made at the foot
+of a tree; all hands fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, and
+frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be
+the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our
+public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to
+play an important part.
+
+On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be
+particularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher; for having the
+cares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed it
+incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion as
+he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him did
+the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he
+seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And at
+such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more
+truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and
+good fellowship. Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, and
+washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning,
+and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence.
+Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful; and laying his
+hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closed
+eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he
+exclaimed, in a fat, half-smothered voice, "What a charming prospect!" The
+words died away in his throat--he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a
+moment--his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs--his head drooped upon
+his bosom--he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole
+gradually over him.
+
+And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream--and, lo! the good St. Nicholas came
+riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he
+brings his yearly presents to children. And he descended hard by where the
+heroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by
+the fire, and sat himself down and smoked; and as he smoked the smoke from
+his pipe ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud overhead. And
+Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of
+the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of
+country--and as he considered it more attentively he fancied that the
+great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvelous forms, where in dim
+obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of
+which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled
+off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had
+smoked his pipe he twisted it in his hatband, and laying his finger beside
+his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, then
+mounting his wagon, he returned over the treetops and disappeared.
+
+And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed, and he aroused
+his companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it that it
+was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the
+city here; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would be
+the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread
+over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to
+this interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning
+to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great
+smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city--both which
+interpretations have strangely come to pass!
+
+The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus
+happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, where
+they were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a general
+meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related
+the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van
+Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St.
+Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more
+honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a
+most useful citizen, and a right good man--when he was asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+The original name of the island whereon the squadron of Communipaw was
+thus propitiously thrown is a matter of some dispute, and has already
+undergone considerable vitiation--a melancholy proof of the instability of
+all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; for
+who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of
+mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty!
+
+The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise
+countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan, which is
+said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early
+settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes.
+"Hence," as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, and
+flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of
+Philadelphia, "hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to
+the Indians, and afterwards to the island"--a stupid joke!--but well
+enough for a governor.
+
+Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject is that
+valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard
+Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called the Manhadaes and Manahanent; nor
+must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that
+authentic historian, John Josselyn, gent., who expressly calls it
+Manadaes.
+
+Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of
+our ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters,
+still extant,[31] which passed between the early governors and their
+neighboring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes,
+Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of
+the same name; for our wise forefathers set little store by those
+niceties, either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and
+ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This
+last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who
+was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its
+uncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm that the bay was once
+a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of
+which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and
+flowers, but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these
+blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of
+Ontario.
+
+These, however, are very fabulous legends, to which very cautious
+credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last quoted
+orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which
+I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and
+significant--and which we have on the authority of Master Juet, who, in
+his account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata--that
+is to say, the island of manna--or, in other words, a land flowing with
+milk and honey.
+
+Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the
+worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken
+bout, held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made
+certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their
+lives; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave the
+place the name of Mannahattanink--that is to say, the Island of Jolly
+Topers--a name which it continues to merit to the present day.[32]
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [31] Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap.
+
+   [32] MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New
+        York Historical Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removed
+from the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata,
+everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer,
+and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day was
+appointed for the grand migration, and on that day little Communipaw as in
+a buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarming time. Houses were turned
+inside out, and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come from
+Holland; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman,
+and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the water
+side, like lines of ants from an ant-hill; everybody laden with some
+article of household furniture; while busy housewifes plied backwards and
+forwards along the lines, helping everything forward by the nimbleness of
+their tongues.
+
+By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds of
+household articles; ponderous tables; chests of drawers, resplendent with
+brass ornaments, quaint corner cupboards; beds and bedsteads; with any
+quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat
+embarked a whole family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats and
+dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the
+Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard
+on the leading boat.
+
+This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long
+cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously
+observed among the "sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw," by turning their
+houses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in
+emblem of the swarming of the parent hive; and this is the real origin of
+the universal agitation and "moving" by which this most restless of cities
+is literally turned out of doors on every May-day.
+
+As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores of
+Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, appeared to
+oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for
+chastising this insolence with the powder and ball, according to the
+approved mode of discoverers; but the sage Oloffe gave them the
+significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and
+winking hard with one eye; whereupon his followers perceived that there
+was something sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in the
+blandest terms, and made such tempting display of beads, hawks's bells,
+and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land
+speculation ensued. And here let me give the true story of the original
+purchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been
+said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was, but sixty guilders.
+The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition[33] that the Dutch
+discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock would
+cover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's
+finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the
+Indians into the bargain This, however, is an old fable which the worthy
+Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe
+Van Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover with
+his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friend
+Mynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used in
+measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments
+had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared with
+astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher
+peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the
+land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city.
+
+This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the Island of
+Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders; and in corroboration of it I will
+add that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable
+occasion, was elevated to the office of land measurer; which he ever
+afterwards exercised in the colony.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [33] MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very
+unusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of the
+honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading house were
+forthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St.
+Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer; and which, as has
+already been observed, was the identical place at present known as the
+Bowling Green.
+
+Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, with tiled roofs
+and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for
+protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of
+the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong
+palisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outside
+of these extended the corn-fields and cabbage-gardens of the community,
+with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation; all covering those
+tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street,
+and Pearl Street, I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out the
+land a goodly "bowerie" or farm was allotted to the sage Oloffe, in
+consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent
+at dreaming; and the site of his "bowerie" is known by the name of
+Kortlandt (or Cortland) Street to the present day.
+
+And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it was
+thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it
+had gone by the original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will have
+it, "The Manhattoes;" but this was now decried as savage and heathenish,
+and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally
+possessed it. Many were the consultations held upon the subject without
+coming to a conclusion, for though everybody condemned the old name,
+nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost in
+despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head,
+proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took
+everybody by surprise; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. The
+name was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was
+thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province
+continued to call it by the general appelation of "The Manhattoes," and
+the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata; but those are
+a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in matters
+of this kind.
+
+Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the next was to give it
+an armorial bearing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, others
+a soaring eagle; emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying
+qualities of the inhabitants: so after mature deliberation a sleek beaver
+was emblazoned on the city standard as indicative of the amphibious origin
+and patient persevering habits of the New Amsterdamers.
+
+The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon
+made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be
+built; but at the very first consultation on the subject a violent
+discussion arose; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the first
+altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a
+breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between
+those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Ten Broeck and Harden Broeck, ever
+since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Harden
+Broeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which
+embraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along the
+gulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of which his descendants have been
+expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the
+Schermerhornes.
+
+An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Harden Broeck, who
+proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the
+manner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeck
+was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they should
+run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the
+river, on which the town should be built. "By these means," said he,
+triumphantly, "shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from
+these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice,
+or any amphibious city in Europe." To this proposition Harden Broeck (or
+Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly
+assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as
+being preposterous, and against the very order of things, as he would
+leave to every true Hollander. "For what," said he, "is a town without
+canals?--it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for
+want of a free circulation of the vital fluid."--Ten Breeches, on the
+contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of
+an arid, dry-boded habit; he remarked, that as to the circulation of the
+blood being necessary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living
+contradiction to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not a
+drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten
+years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony.
+Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; nor
+have I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity.
+At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy
+in sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up
+the last word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had the
+advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that
+invaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had,
+therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom--so that
+though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and
+battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough
+Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as
+is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without
+coming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for ever
+after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and
+Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough
+Breeches.
+
+I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my
+duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, in
+truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a
+young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since
+contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be
+too minute in detailing their first causes.
+
+After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that
+anything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The
+council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met
+regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, either
+they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were
+naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent
+exercise of the brains--certain it is, the most profound silence was
+maintained--the question, as usual, lay on the table--the members quietly
+smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, and
+in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on--as it pleased God.
+
+As most of the council were but little skilled in the mystery of
+combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to
+puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The
+secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable
+precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; the
+journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that
+"the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the
+colony." By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate
+their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure
+distances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, as
+a pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those
+accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out
+of order.
+
+In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze,
+and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what
+manner they should construct their infant settlement; meanwhile the town
+took care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which is suffered to run
+about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by
+which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the
+children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude, that
+before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan it was too late
+to put it in execution--whereupon they wisely abandoned the subject
+altogether.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back, through the
+long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realms
+of antiquity. Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive a
+thousand charms from their very obscurity, and the fancy delights to fill
+up their outlines with graces and excellences of its own creation. Thus
+loom on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet New
+Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores and
+willows, and surrounded by trackless forests and wide-spreading waters,
+that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world.
+
+In those days did this embryo city present the rare and noble spectacle of
+a community governed without laws; and thus being left to its own course,
+and the fostering care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it
+had been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws usually
+heaped on the backs of young cities--in order to make them grow. And in
+this particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of human
+nature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow
+legislators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many
+of my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a
+piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be; and as far as I have
+observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about
+as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his
+ears that it is his duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse.
+The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyranny
+of law, and the perpetual interference of officious morality, which are
+ever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to "keep to the
+right, as the law directs;" and like a spirited urchin, he turns directly
+contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches,
+merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings.
+And these opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above said of
+our worthy ancestors; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and
+guided and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their more
+enlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves honestly and
+peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words--because they knew no
+better.
+
+Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infant
+settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that,
+like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they had
+first served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, and
+provided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifying
+their gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting
+care in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built a
+fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his
+name; whereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under his
+peculiar patronage, and he has even since been, and I devoutly hope will
+ever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city.
+
+At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiously
+observed in all our ancient families of the right breed, of hanging up a
+stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas Eve; which stocking is always
+found in the morning miraculously filled; for the good St. Nicholas has
+ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children.
+
+I am moreover told that there is a little legendary book somewhere extant,
+written in Low Dutch, which says that the image of this renowned saint,
+which whilom graced the bow-sprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in
+front of this chapel, in the center of what in modern days is called the
+Bowling Green--on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to
+Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further treats of divers miracles
+wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth; a whiff of
+which was a sovereign cure for an indigestion--an invaluable relic in this
+colony of brave trenchermen. As however, in spite of the most diligent
+search, I cannot lay my hands upon this little book, I must confess that
+I entertain considerable doubt on the subject.
+
+Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the infant city thrived
+apace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about the
+unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins
+and bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, while
+here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian
+wigwams whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in the
+transparent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, existed between these
+wandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolent
+forefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameliorate their situation,
+by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries;
+for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friendship
+for their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men to
+trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain.
+
+Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make
+their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted
+and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an
+air of listless indifference--sometimes in the marketplace, instructing
+the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow--at other times,
+inflamed with liquor, swaggering, and whooping, and yelling about the town
+like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who would
+hurry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw water
+upon the enemy from the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here that
+our forefathers were very particular in holding up these wild men as
+excellent domestic examples--and for reasons that may be gathered from the
+history of Master Ogilby, who tells us that "for the least offence the
+bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries
+another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife." Whether
+this awful example had any influence or not history does not mention; but
+it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and
+obedience.
+
+True it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and their
+savage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heard
+my grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the
+history of these parts, tell a long story of a winter's evening, about a
+battle between the New-Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by
+the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in a
+dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley.
+
+The legend of this sylvan war was long current among the nurses, old
+wives, and other ancient chroniclers of the place; but time and
+improvement have almost obliterated both the tradition and the scene of
+battle; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the center of
+this populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street.
+
+I know not whether it was to this "Peach War," and the acquisitions of
+Indian land which may have grown out of it, that we may ascribe the first
+seeds of the spirit of "annexation" which now began to manifest
+themselves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers had been confined
+to the lovely island of Manna-hata; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and
+Hell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the _ne plus
+ultra_ of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War however, a
+restless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdammers, who began to
+cast wistful looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors; for
+somehow or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes of
+settlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Dreamer
+encouraged these notions; having, as has been shown, the inherent spirit
+of a land speculator, which had been wonderfully quickened and expanded
+since he had become a landholder. Many of the common people, who had never
+before owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the town
+lots which had fallen to their shares; others who had snug farms and
+tobacco plantations found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began to
+question the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended to
+hold--while the good Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreign
+conquest and great patroonships in the wilderness.
+
+The result of these dreams were certain exploring expeditions sent forth
+in various directions to "sow the seeds of empire," as it was said. The
+earliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator
+famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it was
+quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass covered
+with a bit of tarpaulin, with which he could spy up the crookedest river,
+quite to its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as
+land measurer, in case of any dispute with the Indians.
+
+What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions? In a little while
+we find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, established
+far to the south on Delaware River; another called Fort Goed Hoop (or Good
+Hope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut River; and another called
+Fort Aurania (now Albany) away up the Hudson River; while the boundaries
+of the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, far
+into the regions of Terra Incognita.
+
+Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little province
+brought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory we
+shall treat at large in the after pages of this eventful history;
+sufficient for the present is it to say, that the swelling importance of
+the Nieuw Nederlandts awakened the attention of the mother country, who,
+finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take that
+interest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations.
+
+But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New Amsterdam I will here
+put an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of the
+maternal policy of the mother country in my next.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK III._
+
+IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the task of the feeling
+historian who writes the history of his native land. If it fell to his lot
+to be the recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with
+his tears--nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era without
+a melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever! I
+know not whether it be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity of
+former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart incident to all
+sentimental historians, but I candidly confess that I cannot look back on
+the happier days of our city, which I now describe, without great
+dejection of spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of
+oblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and as
+their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mighty
+shades.
+
+Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of the
+Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the
+portraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust like the forms they
+represent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those
+renowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady march of
+existence--whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins,
+flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall
+soon be stopped for ever!
+
+These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the mighty men who
+flourished in the days of the patriarchs: but who, alas! have long since
+smouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly and
+irresistibly hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose myself in
+melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once
+more into existence, their countenances to assume the animation of
+life--their eyes to pursue me in every movement! Carried away by the
+delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of
+the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity!
+Ah, hapless Diedrich! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the
+buffetings of fortune--a stranger and weary pilgrim in thy native
+land--blest with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children; but
+doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by
+foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held
+sovereign empire!
+
+Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting
+recollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on
+the virtuous days of the patriarchs--on those sweet days of simplicity and
+ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata.
+
+These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growing
+wealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are to
+involve it in all kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed at
+the close of my last book, they had awakened the attention of the mother
+country. The usual mark of protection shown by mother countries to wealthy
+colonies was forthwith manifested; a governor being sent out to rule over
+the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. The
+arrival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffe
+the Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose during
+his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landed
+estate on the banks of the Hudson, having virtually forfeited all right to
+his ancient appellation of Kortlandt, or Lackland.
+
+It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was
+appointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlands, under the
+commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General
+of the United Netherlands and the privileged West India Company.
+
+This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month of
+June, the sweetest month in all the year; when Dan Apollo seems to dance
+up the transparent firmament--when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand
+other wanton songsters make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and
+the luxurious little boblicon revels among the clover blossoms of the
+meadows--all which happy coincidence persuaded the old dames of New
+Amsterdam who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this was
+to be a happy and prosperous administration.
+
+The renowned Wouter, or Walter, Van Twiller was descended from a long line
+of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and
+grown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had empowered
+themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety that they were never
+either heard or talked of--which, next to being universally applauded,
+should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There are
+two opposite ways by which some men make a figure in the world; one by
+talking faster than they think, and the other by holding their tongues and
+not thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires the reputation
+of a man of quick parts; by the other many a dunderpate, like the owl, the
+stupidest of birds, comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This,
+by the way, is a casual remark, which I would not for the universe have
+it thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. It is true he was a man shut
+up within himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke except in
+monosyllables; but then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. So
+invincible was his gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even to
+smile, through the whole course of a long and prosperous life. Nay, if a
+joke were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a
+roar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. Sometimes
+he would deign to inquire into the matter, and when, after much
+explanation, the joke was made as plain as a pike-staff, he would continue
+to smoke his pipe in silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, would
+exclaim, "Well! I see nothing in all that to laugh about."
+
+With all his reflective habits he never made up his mind on a subject. His
+adherents accounted for this by the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. He
+conceived every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room in his
+head to turn it over and examine both sides of it. Certain it is that if
+any matter were propounded to him, on which ordinary mortals would rashly
+determine at first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, shake
+his capacious head, smoke some time in profound silence, and at length
+observe that "he had his doubts about the matter;" which gained him the
+reputation of a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What is
+more, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit of the mind has been
+attributed his surname of Twiller, which is said to be a corruption of the
+original Twijfler, or, in plain English, Doubter.
+
+The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned,
+as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary,
+as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six
+inches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head was
+a perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature,
+with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck
+capable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, and
+settled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders.
+His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wisely
+ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, and
+very averse to the idle labor of walking.
+
+His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to
+sustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beer
+barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a
+vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigure
+the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes
+twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy
+firmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of
+everything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked
+with dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple.
+
+His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated
+meals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight
+hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was
+the renowned Wouter Van Twiller--a true philosopher, for his mind was
+either elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares and
+perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feeling
+the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it round
+the sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curling
+from his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any of
+those numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed his
+brain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere.
+
+In his council he presided with great state and solemnity. He sat in a
+huge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague,
+fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously carved
+about the arms and feet into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws.
+Instead of a scepter he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin
+and amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, at the
+conclusion of a treaty, with one of the petty Barbary Powers. In this
+stately chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe would he smoke,
+shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye for
+hours together upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a black
+frame against the opposite wall of the council chamber. Nay, it has even
+been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length and
+intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for
+full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by external
+objects--and at such times the internal commotion of his mind was evinced
+by certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were
+merely the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and opinions.
+
+It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to collect these
+biographical anecdotes of the great man under consideration. The facts
+respecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them so
+questionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the
+search after many, and decline the admission of still more, which would
+have tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait.
+
+I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits of
+Wouter Van Twiller, from the consideration that he was not only the first,
+but also the best governor, that ever presided over this ancient and
+respectable province; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that I
+do not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any offender
+being brought to punishment--a most indubitable sign of a merciful
+governor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of the
+illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller
+was a lineal descendant.
+
+The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was
+distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presage
+of a wise and equitable administration. The morning after he had been
+installed in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfast
+from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and Indian pudding, he
+was interrupted by the appearance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important
+old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent
+Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts,
+seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle.
+Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words;
+he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or being disturbed
+at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle
+Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shoveled a spoonful of
+Indian pudding into his mouth--either as a sign that he relished the dish
+or comprehended the story--he called unto his constable, and pulling out
+of his breeches proper a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the
+defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant.
+
+This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal
+ring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The two
+parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts,
+written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a High
+Dutch commentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage
+Wouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands,
+and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a
+very great doubt, and smoked for half an hour without saying a word; at
+length, laying his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for a
+moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the
+tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of
+tobacco smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solemnity pronounced--that
+having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was
+found that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other--therefore, it
+was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally
+balanced--therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent
+should give Wandle a receipt--and the constable should pay the costs.
+
+This decision being straightway made known, diffused general joy
+throughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they
+had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its
+happiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout the
+whole of his administration--and the office of constable fell into such
+decay, that there was not one of those losel scouts known in the province
+for many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction,
+not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments on
+record, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but because
+it was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being the
+only time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course of
+his life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+In treating of the early governors of the province I must caution my
+readers against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, with
+those worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in this
+enlightened republic--a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are in
+fact the most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed to
+bear the secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and the
+sneers and revilings of the whole world beside--set up, like geese at
+Christmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and
+vagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed that
+uncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of distant colonies or
+territories. They were in a manner absolute despots in their little
+domains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and
+accountable to none but the mother-country; which, it is well known, is
+astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they
+discharge the main duty of their station--squeezing out a good revenue.
+This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seized
+with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentic
+history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting
+with independence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude.
+
+To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, a
+board of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over the
+police. This potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiff, with powers
+between those of the present mayor and sheriff--five burgermeesters, who
+were equivalent to aldermen, and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs,
+sub-devils, or bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner as
+do assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day; it being
+their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt the
+markets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge such
+other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was,
+moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they
+should consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of the
+burgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes; but
+this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at
+present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of
+a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful
+effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes.
+
+In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say "yes" and
+"no" at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of
+the public kitchen--being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and
+smoke, at all those snug junketing and public gormandisings, for which the
+ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The
+post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly
+coveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a huge
+relish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a small
+way--who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the
+terror of the almshouse and the bridewell--that shall enable them to lord
+it over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and
+hunger-driven dishonesty--that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack
+of catshpolls and bumbailiffs--tenfold greater rogues than the culprits
+they hunt down! My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess
+is unbecoming of a grave historian; but I have a mortal antipathy to
+catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men.
+
+The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of the
+present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than in
+prerogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were
+generally chosen by weight--and not only the weight of the body, but
+likewise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in all
+honest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat;
+and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is in
+some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind is moulded to
+the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been
+insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their
+peculiar study; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes,
+"there is a constant relation between the moral character of all
+intelligent creatures, and their physical constitution--between their
+habits and the structure of their bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare,
+diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling
+mind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion; or
+else the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it
+continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the
+uneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldly
+periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at
+ease; and we may alway observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghers
+are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort; being great
+enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance--and surely none are more
+likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of
+their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together
+in turbulent mobs! No--no--it is your lean, hungry men who are continually
+worrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears.
+
+The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to by
+philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls--one
+immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and
+regulate the body; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible
+passions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart; a
+third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its
+propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the
+divine soul by its ravenous howlings. Now, according to this excellent
+theory, what can be more clear, than that your fat alderman is most
+likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is
+like a huge spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass of soft
+brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a
+feather-bed; and the eyes which are the windows of the bedchamber, are
+usually half-closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by external
+objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance,
+is manifestly most like to perform its functions with regularly and ease.
+By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which is
+confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts the
+irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion,
+and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely
+pacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest,
+good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue,
+slily peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding this Cerberus
+asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday
+suits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm--disposing their possessor to
+laughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards his
+fellow-mortals.
+
+As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but very
+little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite
+opinions; and, as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner,
+they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the
+administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and
+therefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court of
+justice except in the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which I
+can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor
+culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the
+present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the
+alderman are the best fed men in the community; feasting lustily on the
+fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles,
+that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the
+form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I
+have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet
+equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their
+transactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony; and the profound laws
+which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion,
+are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced when
+awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed
+mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at
+hand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, meddling
+candidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief
+put a greyhound to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox-wagon.
+
+The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen by
+weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attend
+upon them, and help them eat; but the latter, in the course of time, when
+they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsiness
+of brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs,
+having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a
+comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New England
+cheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took place
+between the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be
+the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for
+hours smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word to
+interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under
+the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, the
+infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps
+and forests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and country
+customary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the
+city of Washington; that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious an
+appearance on paper.
+
+It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest burgher, like
+a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed
+house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow.
+Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft
+southern breeze and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of
+his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his
+swine; that combination of farmyard melody, which may truly be said to
+have a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of
+profitable marketing.
+
+The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous
+city, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented
+in the primitive days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the
+shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of
+accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce,
+were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in
+the highways--the bleating sheep and frolicksome calves sported about the
+verdant ridge, where now the Broadway loungers take their morning
+stroll--the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now
+are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of
+money-brokers--and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields,
+where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling
+echo with the wranglings of the mob.
+
+In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property
+prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility
+and heart-burnings of repining poverty--and what in my mind is still more
+conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of
+intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New
+Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those
+honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by the
+gross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use.
+
+Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for
+public employ, and especially promoted to city honors; your keen
+intellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I
+know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as
+the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings; whereas, for
+my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that
+prevails, that embroils communities more than anything else; and I have
+remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody
+else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New
+Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls--the very words
+of learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of--a bright
+genius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady would have been
+regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man in
+fact seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than
+an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his
+own; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read in
+the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with a
+cross.
+
+Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh! existing in all the
+security of harmless insignificance--unnoticed and unenvied by the world,
+without ambition, without vain-glory, without riches, without learning,
+and all their train of carking cares; and as of yore, in the better days
+of man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural
+habitations, so we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, the
+good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of
+a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the treetops, or over the roofs
+of houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his
+breeches pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites.
+Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows us the
+light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year;
+when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs,
+confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degeneracy
+of the parents.
+
+Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The
+province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweet
+tranquillity that wealth could never purchase. There were neither public
+commotions, nor private quarrels; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms;
+neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments; nor were there
+counsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to what
+little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he
+pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody
+meddled with concerns above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose into
+other people's affairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct and
+reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of
+others; but in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not
+hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the
+sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were sleepy or not; all
+which tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I am
+told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching
+her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace--this
+superabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of
+life, according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that "more than enough
+constitutes a feast." Everything, therefore, went on exactly as it should
+do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare
+of a country, "the profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughout
+the province."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened _literati_ who
+turn over the pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful of
+the yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam with
+untried valor, like a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain fresh
+from under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be
+satisfied with nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters; they
+must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, springing mines,
+marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page,
+and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial,
+but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are little given to the
+marvelous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions of
+prodigies, unheard of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, and
+all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary line
+of possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are of
+a lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times, as they do over
+the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocent
+amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes,
+Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogues of
+hideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and
+flavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of more
+philosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time,
+to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradual
+changes in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, the
+vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation.
+
+If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solace
+themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to
+exert their patience for a while, and bear with the tedious picture of
+happiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historian
+obliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can possibly
+alight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hard
+but I will make it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I turn
+with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or,
+if possible, women after my own heart; grave, philosophical, and
+investigating; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a start from first
+causes, and so haunting a nation down, through all the mazes of innovation
+and improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first
+development of the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners and
+customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of Van
+Twiller, or the Doubter.
+
+I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely the
+increase and improvement of New Amsterdam. Their own imaginations will
+doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and
+persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors--they will
+behold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the stately
+Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from the
+tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden; and from the skulking
+Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture to
+themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of prosperity,
+incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat
+government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry.
+
+The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being
+able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, the cows,
+in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and
+as they went to and from pasture, established paths through the bushes, on
+each side of which the good folks built their houses; which is one cause
+of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish
+certain streets of New York at this very day.
+
+The houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood,
+excepting the gable end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks,
+and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants,
+were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best
+leg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doors
+and small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiously
+designated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof was
+perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important
+secret which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops
+of our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could have
+a wind to his mind;--the most staunch and loyal citizens, however, always
+went according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house,
+which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employed
+every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter.
+
+In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanliness
+was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of
+an able housewife--a character which formed the utmost ambition of our
+unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except on
+marriages, funerals, new year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or
+some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker,
+curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of a
+lion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal, that it was
+oft-times worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. The
+whole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the discipline
+of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes; and the good housewives of those
+days were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to be
+dabbling in water--insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us,
+that many of his townswomen grew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck;
+and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into,
+would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this I look upon to be a
+mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation.
+
+The grand parlor was the _sanctum sanctorum_, where the passion for
+cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was
+permitted to enter excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, who
+visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning,
+and putting things to rights; always taking the precaution of leaving
+their shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet.
+After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which was
+curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom;
+after washing the windows, rubbing and polishing the furniture, and
+putting a bunch of evergreens in the fireplace--the window shutters were
+again closed to keep out the flies, and the room carefully locked up until
+the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day.
+
+As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally
+lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assembled round
+the fire, one would have imagined that he was transported back to those
+happy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginations
+like golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude,
+where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, black and
+white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege,
+and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in
+perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking into the fire with half-shut
+eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw, on the
+opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn or
+knitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth,
+listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who was
+the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of a
+chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of
+incredible stories about New England witches, grisly ghosts, horses
+without heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among the
+Indians.
+
+In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn,
+dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a
+private meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestable signs of
+disapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a
+neighbor on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thus
+singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of
+intimacy by occasional banquettings, called tea-parties.
+
+These fashionable parties were generally confined to the higher classes,
+or noblesse: that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove their
+own waggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went
+away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashionable hours
+were a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before dark. The
+tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of
+fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The
+company being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with a
+fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this
+mighty dish--in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea,
+or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced
+with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears;
+but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened
+dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks--a delicious
+kind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, except in genuine
+Dutch families.
+
+The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, ornamented with
+paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs,
+with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry
+other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by
+their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle,
+which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat
+merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laid
+beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with great
+decorum; until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic old
+lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by a
+string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth--an
+ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany,
+but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen Flatbush, and
+all our uncontaminated Dutch villages.
+
+At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity of
+deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting--no gambling of old
+ladies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young ones--no
+self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their
+pockets--nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements of smart young
+gentlemen with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated
+themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own
+woollen stockings; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say "_yah
+Mynheer_," or "_yah ya Vrouw_," to any question that was asked them;
+behaving, in all things, like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the
+gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in
+contemplation of the blue and white tiles with which the fireplaces were
+decorated; wherein sundry passages of Scripture were piously
+portrayed--Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage, Haman swung
+conspicuously on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out
+of the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire.
+
+The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. They were
+carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles
+nature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to
+keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their
+respective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door;
+which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect
+simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor
+should it at the present. If our great-grandfathers approved of the
+custom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to
+say a word against it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island of
+Manna-hata presented a scene the very counterpart of those glowing
+pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before
+observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its
+inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little
+understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the
+female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and
+grey-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves
+with incredible sobriety and comeliness.
+
+Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously
+pomatomed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a
+little cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Their
+petticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous
+dyes--though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short,
+scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, which
+generally equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes; and what is
+still more praiseworthy, they were all of their own manufacture--of which
+circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain.
+
+These were the honest days, in which every woman stayed at home, read the
+Bible, and wore pockets--ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned with
+patchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the
+outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good
+housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at
+hand, by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed; and I
+remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of
+Wouter Van Twiller once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search
+of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and
+the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner; but we
+must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those
+remote periods being very subject to exaggeration.
+
+Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pincushions
+suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or among the more opulent and
+showy classes by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens of
+thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in
+vindication of the shortness of the petticoats; it doubtless was
+introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen,
+which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks; or
+perhaps to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat though serviceable
+foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendid
+silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the
+same disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order
+to betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery.
+
+From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers
+differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their
+scantily-dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those
+times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would
+have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less
+admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, the
+greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the
+magnitude of its object; and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen
+petticoats, was declared by a low Dutch sonneteer of the province to be
+radiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it
+is that in those day the heart of a lover could not contain more than one
+lady at a time, whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room
+enough to accommodate half a dozen; the reason of which I conclude to be,
+that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons
+of the ladies smaller; this, however, is a question for physiologists to
+determine.
+
+But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, no doubt, entered
+into the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was
+in those days her only fortune; and she who had a good stock of petticoats
+and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamschatka damsel with
+a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The
+ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions
+to the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead of
+being adorned with caricatures of Dame Nature, in water-colors and
+needlework, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments,
+the manufacture and the property of the females; a piece of laudable
+ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages.
+
+The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in
+these ancient times, corresponded in most particulars with the beauteous
+damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their
+merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a
+modern fair; they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems,
+for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did they
+distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their
+consequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too
+pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul
+throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did
+they establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailors
+for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the
+tranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen were unknown in New
+Amsterdam; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and
+family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller himself thought it no
+disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins.
+
+Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the
+first dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor in
+contempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine,
+squandered what little money they could procure at hustle cap and chuck
+farthing; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbor's horses;
+in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the
+town, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an
+affair of honor with a whipping post.
+
+Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days; his
+dress, which served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room,
+was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the
+mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large
+brass buttons--half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his
+figure--his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles--a low
+crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage, and his hair
+dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of sulskin.
+
+Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiege
+some fair damsel's obdurate heart--not such a pipe, good reader, as that
+which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delf
+manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With this
+would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely
+failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender
+upon honorable terms.
+
+Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, celebrated in many a long
+forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but
+counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holy
+calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe in
+peace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils
+were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron
+of snowy white without being insulted by ribald street walkers or vagabond
+boys--those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying under
+the roses of youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was that the
+lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score,
+indulged in all the innocent endearments of virtuous love without fear and
+without reproach; for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by a
+shield of good linsey-woolsey, equal at least to the seven bull-hides of
+the invincible Ajax?
+
+Ah! blissful and never to be forgotten age! when everything was better
+than it has ever been since, or ever will be again--when Buttermilk
+Channel was quite dry at low water--when the shad in the Hudson were all
+salmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness,
+instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her
+sickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate
+city!
+
+Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it always have existed in
+this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity; but, alas! the days
+of childhood are too sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them in
+time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and
+miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself when he beholds the
+child of his bosom, or the city of his birth, increasing in magnitude and
+importance, let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of the
+one, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata convince him of the
+calamities of the other.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+It has already been mentioned that, in the early times of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, called Fort Aurania, had been
+established on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of
+the present venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered at the
+very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, with
+which, for a long time, New Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now and
+then the "Company's Yacht," as it was called, was sent to the Fort with
+supplies, and to bring away the peltries which had been purchased of the
+Indians. It was like an expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, and
+always made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an adventurous burgher
+would accompany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends;
+but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on
+the Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's Dane
+Kammer, and of all the other wonders and perils with which the river
+abounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurous
+inhabitants from following his xample.
+
+Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and his
+burgermeesters were smoking and pondering over the affairs of the
+province, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they
+beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay; it was unquestionably of
+Dutch build, broad-brimmed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of their
+High Mightinesses at the masthead.
+
+After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger stepped on shore, a
+lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, with a meager face, furnished
+with hug mustachios. He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and an
+insufferably tall hat, with a cocktail feather. Such was the patroon
+Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from Holland to found a colony or
+patroonship on a great tract of wild land, granted to him by their Hight
+Mightinesses the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the Hudson.
+
+Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine day's wonder in New Amsterdam, for he
+carried a high head, looked down upon the portly, short-legged
+burgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the governor himself; boasting
+that he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States General.
+
+He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam merely to beat up recruits
+for his colony. Few, however, ventured to enlist for those remote and
+savage regions; and when they embarked, their friends took leave of them
+as if they should never see them more; and stood gazing with tearful eyes
+as the stout, round-sterned little vessel ploughed and splashed its way up
+the Hudson, with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to
+get out of sight of the city.
+
+And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Manhattoes of the
+growing importance of this new colony. Every account represented Killian
+Van Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon in
+the land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship of
+Rensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for
+several miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the mountainous
+region of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separate
+jurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam.
+
+All these assumptions of authority were duly reported to Governor Van
+Twiller and his council, by dispatches from Fort Aurania, at each new
+report the governor and his counsellors looked at each other, raised their
+eyebrows, gave an extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed into
+their usually tranquillity.
+
+At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaerwick had extended his
+usurpations along the river, beyond the limits granted him by their High
+Mightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in the
+Hudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or Bear's Island, where he was
+erecting a fortress, to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen.
+
+Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting with
+his burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick,
+demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, which lay beyond
+the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van Rensellaer was in
+his own lordly style, "By _wapen recht!_" that is to say, by the right of
+arms, or in common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthy
+Wouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of his
+administration. In the meantime, while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian
+went on to finish his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee I
+shall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventful
+history.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and four, on a fine
+afternoon in the glowing month of September, I took my customary walk upon
+the battery, which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient and
+impregnable city of New York. The ground on which is I trod was hallowed
+by recollections of the past, and as I slowly wandered through the long
+alley of poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on end,
+diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my imagination drew a contrast
+between the surrounding scenery, and what it was in the classic days of
+our forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the customhouse
+by occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pillars, there
+whilom stood the low, but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdam
+frowned defiance to every absent foe; but, like many a whiskered warrior
+and gallant militia captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone.
+The mud breastworks had long been leveled with the earth, and their site
+converted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the battery, where the
+gay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic,
+relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale of
+love into the half averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. The
+capacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studded
+with islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores of
+picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shores
+had been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled
+mazes and impenetrable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards, and
+waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling garden
+appertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered with
+fortifications, inclosing a tremendous block house; so that this once
+peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat,
+breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world!
+
+For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of thought, contrasting in
+sober sadness the present day with the hallowed years behind the
+mountains, lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising
+the zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavor to preserve the wrecks of
+venerable customs, prejudices, and errors, from the overwhelming tide of
+modern innovation; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and I
+insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me.
+
+It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven particularly bestows
+upon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity; not a floating
+cloud obscured the azure firmament; the sun rolling in glorious splendor
+through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenance
+into an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his evening
+salutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous
+beams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute attention,
+lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the waveless
+bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheld
+herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice
+handkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag-staff which
+forms the handle of a gigantic churn; and even the tremulous leaves of the
+poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything
+seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidable
+eighteen-pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries,
+seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country
+on the next fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot
+to call the garrison to the shovels; the evening gun had not yet sounded
+its signal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the country
+to go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Island
+and Communipaw slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters
+to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My
+own feelings sympathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I should
+infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which our
+benevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescent
+loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all
+repose at defiance.
+
+In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a
+black speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergen
+steeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities of
+Jersey, Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are starting on
+the course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement of
+the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its
+wide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto
+and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for the
+embarrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud
+rolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse,
+and bearing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The earth seems
+agitated at the confusion of the heavens--the late waveless mirror is
+lashed into furious waves, that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore--the
+oyster boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island,
+now hurry affrighted to the land--the poplar writhes and twists, and
+whistles in the blast--torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail deluge
+the battery walks--the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids,
+and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs over their hats,
+scampering from the storm--the late beauteous prospect presents one scene
+of anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, and
+was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Nature.
+
+Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained bodly at my post,
+as our gallant train-band captains, who march their soldiers through the
+rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the
+reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the
+reason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of
+my work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance.
+The panorama view of the battery was given to gratify the reader with a
+correct description of that celebrated place, and the parts adjacent;
+secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and life
+to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from
+falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous
+times which are about to assail the pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the
+French-horns, the kettle drums, and trumpets of his orchestra, in
+requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars
+called melodrames; and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his
+lightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost,
+or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history.
+
+Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the contrary, I am of opinion
+that, as to nations, the old maxim, that "honesty is the best policy," is
+a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in the
+honest times when it was made; but, in these degenerate days, if a nation
+pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare
+something like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found his
+honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the
+case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands; which, like a
+worthy, unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the city
+of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortable
+nap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked
+his pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of
+this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil
+security, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of its
+government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history
+towards the end of a chapter; and as my readers, like myself, must
+doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, and
+the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a
+pipe, and having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new
+chapter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+That my readers may the more fully comprehend the extent of the calamity
+at this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of
+Nieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I should
+give some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering upon the
+eastern frontier.
+
+Now so it came to pass that, many years previous to the time of which we
+are treating, the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain national
+creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in
+which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care to
+pay the toll-gatherers by the way.
+
+Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge
+their own opinions on all manner of subjects (a propensity exceedingly
+offensive to your free governments of Europe), did most presumptuously
+dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they
+considered a natural and unextinguishable right-the liberty of conscience.
+
+As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which always
+thinks aloud--which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is for ever
+galloping into other people's ears--it naturally followed that their
+liberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which being
+freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious
+indignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church.
+
+The usual methods were adopted, to reclaim them, which in those days were
+considered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that is
+to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they
+were buffeted--line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here
+a little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and without
+success; until worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by their
+unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercy
+to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to "heap live embers on their
+heads."
+
+Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which has
+ever distinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject that
+heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the
+wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of
+talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this
+free-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such a
+clamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beast
+out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish,
+that they have been called dumb-fish ever since.
+
+This may appear marvelous, but it is nevertheless true; in proof of which
+I would observe, that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of
+superstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every true
+Yankee.
+
+The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strange
+folk in utter astonishment, but discovering that they wielded harmless,
+though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race of
+men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of
+Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifies
+silent men--a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar
+epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day.
+
+True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass over
+the fact, that having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of
+persecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had become
+masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of
+thinking in matters of religion; but, to their great surprise and
+indignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were
+springing up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of speech.
+This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience,
+which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as one
+pleased in matters of religion, provided one thought right; for otherwise
+it would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, the
+majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequently
+followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong: and
+whoever thought wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being convinced
+and converted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of
+conscience, and a corrupt and infestious member of the body politic, and
+deserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of all
+which was a fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers.
+
+Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift up
+their hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which we
+contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the
+preposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, and
+establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerant
+persecution. But, in simple truth, what are we doing at this very day, and
+in this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principle
+in our political controversies? Have we not, within but a few years,
+released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied
+us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full latitude that
+invaluable member, the tongue? and are we not at this very moment striving
+our best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the
+fortunes of one another? What are our great political societies but mere
+political inquisitions--our pot-house committees but little tribunals of
+denunciation--our newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where
+unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs--and our council of
+appointment but a grand auto-da-fe, where culprits are annually sacrificed
+for their political heresies?
+
+Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those
+you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There is
+none; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, instead
+of banishing--we libel, instead of scourging--we turn out of office,
+instead of hanging--and where they burnt an offender in proper person, we
+either tar and feather, or burn him in effigy--this political persecution
+being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and an
+incontrovertible proof that this is a free country!
+
+But not withstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was
+prosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that the
+population of this new colony was in anywise hindered thereby; on the
+contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man
+unacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country.
+
+This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular custom
+prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling--a
+superstitious rite observed by the young people of both sexes, with which
+they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with
+religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This
+ceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as an
+indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing where
+ours usually finish; by which means they acquired that intimate
+acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has
+been pronounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus
+early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of making
+a bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict adherence
+to the good old vulgar maxim about "buying a pig in a poke."
+
+To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the
+unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race: for it is a certain
+fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that
+wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing number
+of sturdy brats annually born unto the state, without the license of the
+law or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth
+operate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew up
+a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen,
+and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts,
+tended marvelously toward peopling those notable tracts of country called
+Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+In the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account of
+the origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastward
+of the Nieuw Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiar
+habits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutch
+ancestors.
+
+The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity with which,
+like the sons of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and
+which continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to
+place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration,
+tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people to
+enjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may be
+considered the wandering Arab of America.
+
+His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, is to settle himself
+in the world--which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles.
+To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress,
+passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock-tortoiseshell combs,
+with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the
+mystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie.
+
+Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a heavy knapsack,
+wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he
+literally sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, household
+furniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his own
+and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin; which done, he shoulders
+his axe, takes his staff in hand, whistles "Yankee doodle," and trudges
+off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, and
+relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a patriarch of
+yore, when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having
+buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away
+a corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon his labors, is
+soon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed
+urchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of the
+earth like a crop of toadstools.
+
+But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to rest
+contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment; improvement is his
+darling passion, and having thus improved his lands, the next care is to
+provide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of
+pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, large
+enough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions,
+but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of the
+ague.
+
+By the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed, either the
+funds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barely
+manages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrow
+together, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of
+pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with
+fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remaining
+unpainted, grows venerably black with time; the family wardrobe is laid
+under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to stuff into
+the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and
+howling about this aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as they
+did of yore in the cave of old Æolius.
+
+The humble log hut which whilom nestled this improving family snugly
+within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in ignominious
+contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig-sty; and the whole scene
+reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been
+recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, which
+he had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the empty
+shell of a lobster, where he would no doubt have resided with great style
+and splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in the
+neighborhood, had he not perished with cold in one corner of his
+stupendous mansion.
+
+Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, "to rights," one
+would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation,
+to read newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own business, and attend
+to the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen; but now
+it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon grows
+tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement--sells
+his farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart,
+shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wanders
+away in search of new lands--again to fell trees--again to clear
+corn-fields--again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off and
+wander.
+
+Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the eastern
+frontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my readers may easily imagine what
+uncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have
+been to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they
+have ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it
+hath pleased Heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a French
+boarding-house? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on
+the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping of
+fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children; he cannot
+sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses to
+serenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution on
+the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can he
+leave the street door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavory
+visits of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome
+ravages into the _sanctum sanctorum_, the parlor.
+
+If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, so
+situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed
+by their mercurial neighbors of Connecticut.
+
+Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New-Netherland
+settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their
+unparalleled volubility, and their intolerable inquisitiveness--two evil
+habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; for
+our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and
+who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own.
+Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending
+burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses,
+which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the
+modern right of search on the high seas.
+
+Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling and
+successes among the divine sex, for being a race of brisk, likely,
+pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the
+simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous
+customs, they attempted to introduce among them that bundling, which the
+Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and
+foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to
+follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and
+better acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced all
+such outlandish innovations.
+
+But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk
+was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in
+hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling
+themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the
+manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession
+of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the
+appellation of squatters, a name odious in the ears of all great
+landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize
+upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it
+afterward.
+
+All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating,
+tended to form that dark and portentious cloud which, as I observed in a
+former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New
+Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be
+perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to
+their immortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this
+increasing mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by dint of
+carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry it
+without difficulty when he had grown to be an ox.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have
+undertaken--exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had
+lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally
+forgotten; raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and
+endeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to
+their original form and connection; now lugging forth the character of an
+almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue: now deciphering a
+half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript,
+which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal.
+
+In such cases how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity
+of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him
+some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity,
+or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, that
+it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with
+which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had
+to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my
+fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts
+respecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province of
+New Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to
+compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of
+fable, with this authentic history.
+
+I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in those parts of my
+history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in any
+other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested those
+quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlands no mercy in
+their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares
+that "the Dutch were always mere intruders." Now, to this I shall make no
+other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which
+will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession
+in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully
+dispossessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandalously
+maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historians
+of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and
+impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame; for I would not wittingly
+dishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice,
+though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England.
+
+I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history that the
+territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to the
+Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had
+been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort
+Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It
+was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some
+historians will have it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class
+famous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the
+limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs.
+He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent,
+that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the
+Giant Killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were
+sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot.
+
+But not withstanding the erection of this fort, and the appointment of
+this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the
+interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity
+to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop.
+
+The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these
+unwarrantable encroachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of
+inspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest to
+the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of
+the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all,
+to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went
+to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity,
+that greatly animated his adherents, and, no doubt, struck sore dismay and
+affright into the hearts of the enemy.
+
+Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller, full of years and honors, and council dinners, had reached the
+period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver,
+entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He
+employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an assemblage of sages
+equally enlightened, and nearly as venerable, as himself, and who, for
+their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness
+to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by
+certain profound corporations which I have known in my time. Upon reading
+the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, His Excellency
+fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to
+encounter; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest; he closed
+his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great
+attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, and which all
+who knew him declared to be the huge courthouse or council chamber of his
+thoughts, forming to his head what the House of Representatives does to
+the Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore,
+occasionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation was
+never known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman or
+child. In the meantime, the protect of Van Curlet lay quietly on the
+table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled
+in council; and, in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant
+Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon as
+completely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency
+swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of
+Congress.
+
+There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sage
+deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an
+ounce of hair-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious
+discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present; for while the
+renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his
+resolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed
+farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable
+appearance in the neighborhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded
+the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called,
+Weathersfield--a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that
+worthy historian, John Josselyn, gent., "hath been infamous by reason of
+the witches therein." And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that
+they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is
+illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop,
+insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter
+without tears in their eyes.
+
+This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant
+Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of this
+choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent
+in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated.
+He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his
+breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row
+of abattis; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his
+perilous situation.
+
+The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily little man, as
+being less liable to be worn out or to lose leather on the journey; and,
+to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon horse in the
+garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness
+of trot; and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb on
+his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he
+make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month,
+though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and
+twenty miles.
+
+With an appearance of great hurry and business, and smoking a short
+traveling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanes
+of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the little
+Dutch children were making in the road, and for which kind of pastry the
+children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's
+house, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed doorkeeper,
+old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative,
+the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rattled at the
+door of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing
+over a plan for establishing a public market.
+
+At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was
+heard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the same
+instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from
+the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep
+sleep for the good of the community, and according to custom, in all such
+cases established, every man bawled out "Silence!" when, of a sudden, the
+door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased
+to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the
+sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous
+dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his
+galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of
+descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and,
+with more hurry than perspicuity, delivered his message. But, fortunately,
+his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most
+tranquil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just breathed and smoked
+his last; his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his
+peaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from his
+tobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often
+slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and
+Wilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK IV._
+
+CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his description of the
+plague that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assures the
+reader that the history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious and
+pathetic; and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which a
+good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a
+favorite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable variety.
+
+In like manner did my heart leap within me when I came to the dolorous
+dilemma of Fort Good Hope, which I at once perceived to be the forerunner
+of a series of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the true
+subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of
+Newgate Calendar--a register of the crimes and miseries that man has
+inflicted on his fellow-men? It is a huge libel on human nature to which
+we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were
+building up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy, of our
+species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has
+written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation
+of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers,
+conquerors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and the
+stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind--warriors,
+who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from motives of
+virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenseless, but merely
+to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring
+their fellow-beings! What are the great events that constitute a glorious
+era? The fall of empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendid
+cities smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art tumbled in the
+dust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven!
+
+It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries of
+mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten
+on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock
+navigation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed
+canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies,
+wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food for
+the historian.
+
+It is a source of great delight to the philosophers, in studying the
+wonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of
+things--how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most
+noxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms
+of flies which are so often execrated as useless vermin are created for
+the sustenance of spiders; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently
+made to devour flies. So those heroes who have been such scourges to the
+world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and historian,
+while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements
+of heroes!
+
+These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up
+my pen to commence the reign of William Kieft; for now the stream of our
+history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to
+depart, for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a
+turbulent and rugged scene.
+
+As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover field, dozing and
+chewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of
+the Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader
+will now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towards
+a state of war; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum,
+with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end
+foremost.
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, to borrow a
+favorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists, was of a
+lofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient town
+of Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious
+investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was
+one reason why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name,
+according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver;
+that is to say, a wrangler or scolder; and expressed the characteristic of
+his family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of
+Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any
+ten families in the place; and so truly did he inherit this family
+peculiarity that he had not been a year in the government of the province
+before he was universally denominated William the Testy. His appearance
+answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman,
+such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a
+broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of
+his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but his
+features were sharp; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red, by two
+fiery little gray eyes, his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouth
+turned down pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog.
+
+I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human physiology that if
+a woman waxes fat with the progress of years her tenure of life is
+somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she lives
+for ever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew
+tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through the
+process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt
+like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils
+and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the
+gallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made
+captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty
+in ancient saws and apophthegms, which he was wont to parade in his public
+harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his _spolia opima_. Of
+metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the
+bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas,
+and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident
+fact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got into
+an argument without getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion
+with his adversary for not being convinced gratis.
+
+He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the
+sciences, was fond of experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon
+inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, or
+country seat, at a short distance from the city, just at what is now
+called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity; patent
+smoke jacks that required a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roasted
+meat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathercocks that
+turned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances that
+astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with
+paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; and
+the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy victims of science, while
+aiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of
+"Dog's Misery," by which it continues to be known even at the present day.
+
+It is in knowledge as in swimming, he who flounders and splashes on the
+surface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl diver
+who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast
+acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple
+burghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the place as learned a man as
+a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet; and
+was unanimously pronounced a "universal genius!"
+
+I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp; but, to speak my mind
+freely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth
+his weight in straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plain
+common sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or
+invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William
+the Testy aided him in the affairs of government.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff of
+fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to
+make them a speech on the state of affairs.
+
+Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace,
+modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft,
+not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical
+organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; in
+other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose; a
+preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators.
+
+He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness
+of the high post to which he had been appointed, which made some of the
+simple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point
+of etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon office without
+declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in a
+manner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, and
+of the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the wars
+of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires
+which the worthy burghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after
+the manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he came
+by a natural roundabout transition to the matter in hand, namely, the
+daring aggressions of the Yankees.
+
+As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate has of handling
+his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the
+talk all on his own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy did
+not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called "a
+taste of his quality." In speaking of their inroads into the territories
+of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls, who desolated
+Rome; the Goths and Vandals, who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but
+when he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they at
+Weathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed
+Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage
+started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question.
+
+Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerent
+look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument potent in
+its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from the
+land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his
+broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an
+instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table.
+
+The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife
+does at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in question
+had a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and from a broad
+red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a
+buckwheat pancake. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention.
+The document in question was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees to
+depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under
+pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punishments in such case made
+and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument
+that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated; pledging his valor as a governor that,
+once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two months
+drive every mother's son of them across the borders.
+
+The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for some
+time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of
+the governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation.
+
+As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to the
+frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small clothes, and,
+mounting a tall, raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of
+Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of
+state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but from
+the honored wife of his bosom, who was one of that class of females, sent
+upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of
+mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact,
+my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was
+a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal
+at more than half the tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like many
+other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years; and this was,
+that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that
+ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither
+laid down in Aristotle or Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of a
+pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government.
+An absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days,
+was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about
+the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on
+record.
+
+The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his
+particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points
+of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to
+which he submitted through choice; adding, at the same time, a profound
+maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that "he who would aspire
+to govern should first learn to obey."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still
+better, a more economical measure devised than this of defeating the
+Yankees by proclamation--an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane,
+there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding; but then, there
+was one chance to ten that it would not succeed. As the ill-natured Fates
+would have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation was
+perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and
+well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the
+Yankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated
+it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose,
+and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end--a fate
+which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors.
+
+So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued their
+encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche river, and
+founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have
+already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus
+Van Curlet and his garrison, but now these moss troopers increased in
+their atrocities, kidnaping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes
+grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could
+scarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh, or
+taken in in bargaining; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee pedlar
+would penetrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives
+with tinware and wooden bowls.[34]
+
+I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this part of my
+history. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among the
+mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of
+wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in
+meddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his
+ears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee
+race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of
+certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such
+a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough
+hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their
+stings.
+
+Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament--not my
+misfortune in giving offence--but the wrong-headed perverseness of an
+ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their
+ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I
+would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recording
+the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of the
+honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be
+bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth,
+now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go
+farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we
+impartial historians are sent into the world--to redress wrongs, and
+render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful
+nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner or
+later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in
+return.
+
+Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll warrant it,
+while they were harassing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and driving its unhappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian would
+ever arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am but
+performing my bounden duty as a historian in avenging the wrongs of our
+reverend ancestors, I shall make no further apology; and, indeed, when it
+is considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my
+power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I
+conduct myself with great humanity and moderation.
+
+It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that his
+much-vaunted war measure was ineffectual; on the contrary, he flew in a
+passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that though slow in operating,
+yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of those
+invaders. When convinced at length of the truth, like a shrewd physician,
+he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of the
+medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a
+second proclamation more vehement than the first, forbidding all
+intercourse with these Yankee intruders; ordering the Dutch burghers on
+the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple
+sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish them
+with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout.
+
+Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as little
+regarded as the first, and the non-intercourse was especially set at
+nought by the young folks of both sexes.
+
+At length one day inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious
+barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld to their surprise the whole
+garrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and way-worn,
+with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy
+intelligence of the capture of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees.
+
+The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to all
+military commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine; nor was
+it undermined, nor bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot shot, but was
+taken by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which can never
+fail of success whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice.
+
+It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison of
+Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one-eighth by the death of two
+of his most corpulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fat
+salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was immediately
+set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habits
+of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners and
+smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noonstide of a sultry summer's
+day, and surprised them in the midst of their slumbers.
+
+In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and the
+Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by way of a
+spread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fisted
+Yankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck,
+conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the
+crupper, as Charles XII dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at the
+battle of Narva; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in consideration
+of his official dignity.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [34] The following cases in point appear in Hazard's "Collection
+        of State Papers:"--"In the meantime, they of Hartford have not
+        onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although
+        uprighteously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered
+        our nation in sowing theire own purchased broken-up lands, but
+        have also sowed them with corne in the night, which the
+        Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe; and have beaten
+        the servants of the high and mighty the honored companie, which
+        were labouring upon theire masters' lands, from theire lands,
+        with sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and, among
+        the rest, struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his
+        head with a stick, so that the bloode ran downe very strongly
+        downe upon his body."
+
+        "Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored
+        companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde
+        grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered
+        the hogg for 5s. if the commissioners would have given 5s. for
+        damage; which the commissioners denied, because noe man's own
+        hogg (as men used to say), can trespass upon his owne master's
+        grounde."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+Language cannot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing of
+the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too
+great for words, or rather the words were too great for him (being a very
+small man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, nine-cornered Dutch
+oaths and epithets which crowded at one into his gullet. At length his
+words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge,
+anathematising the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven,
+schobbejacken, deugenieten, twist-zoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken,
+kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately for
+posterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he would
+have nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling, guessing,
+questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses-daubing,
+shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-peddling
+crew--that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would
+dirty his hands by attempting to drive them away; in proof of which he
+ordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter
+quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency
+now fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared that the conquerors
+of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march on
+to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province to
+Connecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw
+Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans, insomuch that
+the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to
+frighten their unruly children.
+
+Everybody clamored round the governor, imploring him to put the city in a
+complete posture of defence, and he listened to their clamors. Nobody
+could accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any
+other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little
+purpose. When a youngling he had been impressed with the words of Solomon,
+"Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise," in
+conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn;
+hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or wherefore, busying himself
+about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and
+toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was
+moving a mountain. In the present instance he called in all his inventive
+powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, making
+diagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at his
+heels. At length, after a world of consultation and contrivance, his plans
+of defence ended in rearing a great flag-staff in the center of the fort,
+and perching a windmill on each bastion.
+
+These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm,
+especially after an additional means of securing the safety of the city
+had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in
+this most authentic history that in the domestic establishment of William
+the Testy "the grey mare was the better horse;" in other words, that his
+wife "ruled the roast," and, in governing the governor, governed the
+province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government.
+
+Now it came to pass that this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly,
+robustious trumpeter, named Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind;
+and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument
+that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the
+Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose.
+
+This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant,
+burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little bowery, or
+retreat in the country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances to
+the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that
+he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is
+said to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair
+sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate.[35]
+
+To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time
+of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plans
+of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held
+at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided: and this
+lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result
+of these councils was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the post
+of commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam.
+
+The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's
+heart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with
+delight, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twanging
+defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the
+principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands
+of Anthony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent as
+the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto;
+nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns
+celebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jericho
+fell down.
+
+Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the east
+gradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, they
+declared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected
+within their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, they
+continued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenances
+imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade
+with the Netherlands as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the
+windward of them in a bargain.
+
+The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the governor's lady
+attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the
+military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Anthony
+the Trumpeter.
+
+There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who sneered at the
+governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind;
+but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills; he had seen
+them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam; and was
+persuaded they were connected with the great science of defence; nay, so
+much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he
+introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day,
+quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento
+of his policy.
+
+I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the
+Manhattoes, skilful in expounding signs and mysteries, after events have
+come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into the
+escutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the
+beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would
+be elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee, and patient industry
+overtopped by windy speculation.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [35] The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists;
+        but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays
+        excepting on sleighing parties, by the descendants of the
+        patriarchs, who still preserve the traditions of the city.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down
+the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those
+humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we
+find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious to
+preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments
+of country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever
+proposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck; whereby, in
+case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up--and there the
+matter ended.
+
+The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one
+trifling alteration in the judicial code; and legal matters were so clear
+and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of
+employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to
+litigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that
+they make scarce any figure in history; it being only your litigatous,
+quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world.
+
+I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the
+internal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him had
+he in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon the
+precaution of the good Charondas; or had he looked nearer home at the
+protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed
+without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy,
+meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the
+true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He
+accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments
+for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by
+ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the
+sequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances,
+too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without
+the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap.
+
+In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent; a
+class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were
+instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to
+abound, and the community was soon set together by the ears.
+
+Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession
+of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order.
+Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy
+gentlemen, the knights-errant of modern days, who go about redressing
+wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre,
+nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing
+good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my
+ink-bottle for ever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the
+dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the
+contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter
+days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant
+Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry; who, under its
+auspices, commit flagrant wrongs; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and
+chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are
+engendered.
+
+Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of
+gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty,
+vexatious, and disgraceful suits were it not for the herds of
+pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more
+ignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in
+itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in
+medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to
+augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifogger
+exhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack
+is for ever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with
+infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after
+prone to embroil himself with his neighbors, and impoverish himself with
+successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I
+have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool and
+unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent
+city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having been
+nearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me; and my ruin
+having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor.
+
+To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral
+offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more
+strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the
+root of all evil, and determined to cut it up root and branch, and
+extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his
+travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices
+posted up in country towns, that "any vagrant found begging there would be
+put in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in
+these neighborhoods; having doubtless thrown off their rags and their
+poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to
+improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine of his own
+invention was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less
+than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction,
+far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment
+of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so
+renowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the
+culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerable
+custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling
+between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time, to the infinite
+entertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually
+attend exhibitions of the kind.
+
+Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, vagrants, and beggars
+and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way. As to those
+who had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant
+misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood
+convicted of large debts which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had
+them straightway enclosed within the stone walls of a prison, there to
+remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient,
+however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under William the
+Testy than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poor
+devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew.
+
+END OF VOLUME I.
+
+
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+VOLUME II.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+The playful devices by which attention was directed to the coming
+publication of the History of Diedrich Knickerbocker are represented in
+the author's opening to the first volume. Irving joined afterward in
+business as a sleeping partner, visited England in 1815, and, while
+cordially welcomed here by Thomas Campbell, Walter Scott, and others, the
+failure of his brother's business obliged him to make writing his
+profession. The publishers at first refused to take one of the most
+charming of his works, the "Sketch Book"; but John Murray yielded at last
+to the influence of Walter Scott, and paid £200 for the copyright of it, a
+sum afterward increased to £400. "Bracebridge Hall" and the "Tales of a
+Traveler" followed. Irving went to Spain with the American Ambassador to
+translate documents and acquire experience which he used afterward in
+successive books. "The Life and Voyages of Columbus" appeared in 1828, and
+was followed by "Voyages of the Companions of Columbus."
+
+In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, this time as Secretary to
+the American Legation. He published the "Conquest of Granada." In 1831 he
+received the honorary degree of LL.D. from the University of Oxford. Then
+he returned to America, published in 1832 "The Alhambra;" in 1835 "Legends
+of the Conquest of Spain." In 1842 he went again to Spain, this time as
+American Minister. Other works were produced, and at the close of his life
+he achieved his early ambition, by writing a Life of Washington, after
+whom he had been named, and who had laid his hand upon his head and
+blessed him when he was a child of five. Although the first of the five
+volumes of the Life of Washington did not appear until he was more than
+seventy years old, he lived to complete his work, and died on the 28th of
+November, 1859. Washington Irving never married. He had loved in his early
+years a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, had sat by her death-bed when
+she was a girl of seventeen, and waited until his own death restored her
+to him.
+
+H.M.
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+_BOOK IV_. (_continued._)
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those
+of William the Testy for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon
+of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous,
+had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of
+Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the
+precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets
+of New Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than
+strings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish,
+and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the
+simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchange
+for peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money
+of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of
+the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who
+used it to ornament their robes and moccasins; but among the honest
+burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the
+paper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weight
+with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company and
+all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to
+sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern
+Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to
+New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation.
+
+And now for a time affairs went on swimmingly; money became as plentiful
+as in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase,
+"a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee traders
+poured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on,
+and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price--in Indian money. If the
+latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their
+tinware and wooden bowls the case was altered; nothing would do but Dutch
+guilders, and such-like "metallic currency." What was worse, the Yankees
+introduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster shells, with which
+they deluged the province, carrying off all the silver and gold, the Dutch
+herrings and Dutch cheeses: thus early did the knowing men of the East
+manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the
+oyster, and leaving them the shell.[36]
+
+It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible how
+completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his
+eastern neighbors; nor would he probably have ever found it out had not
+tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long
+Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were
+coining up all the oyster banks.
+
+Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense,
+financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster
+figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind
+of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes; as witness the temples
+erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the
+standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft
+crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington.
+
+The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the
+pockets, but on the larders of the New Amsterdammers; the whole community
+was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the
+Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the standard; nay, some of
+the most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a
+_corps de reserve_, only to be called into action when the sacking
+commenced.
+
+The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who,
+for size and weight, might have matched with Colbrand, the Danish
+champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province
+for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff; or rather, Brinkerhoofd; that is to say, Stoffel the
+Head-breaker.
+
+This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led
+his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and
+Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any
+difficulty of note, though it is said that some of the burgomasters gave
+out at Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry Hollow; and that others lost heart,
+and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until
+he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay.
+
+Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by Preserved
+Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and
+Determined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily
+believed the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let loose
+upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the "select men"
+of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only
+to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of
+arguing--that was with the cudgel; but he used it with such effect that he
+routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the
+inhabitants into the sea, if they had not managed to escape across the
+Sound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to this
+day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees.
+
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and
+uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand
+triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William
+the Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a
+Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the
+enemy, were borne before him; and an immense store of oysters and clams,
+Weathersfield onions, and Yankee "notions" formed the _spolia opima;_
+while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the
+hero's triumph.
+
+The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes,
+performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells,
+while Anthony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts.
+
+A great banquet was served up in the Stadthouse from the clams and oysters
+taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the
+mint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his
+troops.
+
+It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among
+the ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues,
+passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to
+paint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign!
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [36] In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library
+        of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of
+        Indian money:--"Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from
+        the Quahang or whelk, a shell-fish formerly abounding on our
+        coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence of two colors, black
+        and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of
+        the white and three of the black for an English penny. The
+        seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England people
+        make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the
+        best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large
+        quantity of beavers' and other furs, by which the company is
+        defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in
+        making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet
+        their engagements; while their commissioners and the inhabitants
+        remain overstocked with seawant, a sort of currency of no value
+        except with the New Netherland savages," etc.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the
+inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they
+became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the
+little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent
+exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry; and
+the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a
+batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at
+large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy
+commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam;
+insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and
+perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and
+abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is
+disfigured.
+
+The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam's ass, began
+to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition for
+what is called "self-government." This restive propensity was first
+evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New
+Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated affairs of the
+province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco
+smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang
+loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers
+abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmiths
+suffered their fires to go out, while they stirred up the fires of
+faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity,
+neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government.
+
+Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally
+understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to
+exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word
+for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William the
+Testy.
+
+Under the instructions of these political oracles, the good people of New
+Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened; and, as a matter of course,
+exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error in
+which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people in
+creation; and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary not
+withstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined
+people!
+
+We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary
+causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders,
+and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this
+said by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these
+observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man
+groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render him
+wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity: as it would be an herculean
+task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could
+topple him off thence.
+
+I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generally
+held at some noted tavern; these public edifices possessing what in modern
+times are thought the true fountains of political inspiration. The ancient
+Germans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it when
+sober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon a
+subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a world
+of delay is spared; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk
+sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as his
+sober neighbors.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a
+small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been
+greatly annoyed by the facetious meetings of the good people of New
+Amsterdam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in
+their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the
+affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and
+tobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began
+forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all
+its uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the
+public pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness,
+and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, he
+issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New
+Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age, and
+attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have
+struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in
+fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New
+Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace--was he gay, he
+smoked: was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it was
+a part of his physiognomy; without it, his best friends would not know
+him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!
+
+The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular
+commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an
+immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor's
+house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William
+issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawless
+fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and
+puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the
+governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle.
+
+A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Anthony the Trumpeter. The
+governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked
+into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he
+abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller,
+denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he
+condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business; in place whereof
+he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which,
+he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the
+hatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming
+insurrection, which was long known by the name of the Pipe Plot, and
+which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots
+and seditions, in mere smoke.
+
+But mark, O reader! the deplorable evils which did afterward result. The
+smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud
+about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all
+the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them as
+vaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, from
+being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch
+yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried,
+leather-hided race.
+
+Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco pipes we may date the
+rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-important
+burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered
+to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long
+Pipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more
+convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian
+name of Short Pipes.
+
+A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the
+companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether, and took
+up chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids; an appellation since
+given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two
+great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass.
+
+And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving
+the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into
+three classes--those who think for themselves, those who think as others
+think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the
+great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a
+file-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body of
+people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the
+lead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they
+must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above
+all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who is
+not a thoroughgoing hater.
+
+The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being divided
+into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. And
+now the great business of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and
+Short Pipes assemblings in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each
+other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and
+profit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter
+their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so
+strong in the Dutch language; believing, like true politicians, that they
+served their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayed
+their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all
+parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor
+of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them.
+
+Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped,
+and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign
+expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;
+all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by "numerous and
+respectable meetings" of pot-house politicians.
+
+In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the
+multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William
+Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to
+perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion
+with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, that
+your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily
+upset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, who
+was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his
+ear. The consequence was that though a projector of the first class, yet,
+by continually changing his projects, he gave none a fair trial; and by
+endeavoring to do everything, he, in sober truth, did nothing.
+
+In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showed
+themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governor
+with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and
+reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky
+devil of a hack-horse; so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a
+gallop throughout the whole of his administration.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like a
+vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of
+thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an
+evil; and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the
+time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, in
+fact, is a pestilent shrew, and, withal, an inexorable creditor; and
+though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in
+long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a
+vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. "Since," says good
+old Boethius, "no man can retain her at his pleasure, what are her favors
+but sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?"
+
+This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the
+Croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men
+rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that the
+higher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the lower must
+be his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of a
+ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs
+very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top.
+
+Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged in
+dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter,
+and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not
+be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his
+days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the
+Testy.
+
+The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the
+discoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and
+Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of
+Oloffe the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts were
+carried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. The
+consequence was many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and
+then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like
+the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without,
+however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the
+Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little
+governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from the
+Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony of
+Swedes in the South, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, and
+displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken
+possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their
+expedition by one Peter Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman,
+formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses; but who now declared
+himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the
+name of the province of New Sweden.
+
+It is an old saying, that "a little pot is soon hot," which was the case
+with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and
+once in a passion he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the
+receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that
+had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and
+Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he
+resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched a
+document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of
+Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of
+vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the
+potentates of the Manhattoes.
+
+This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors
+which had been thundered against the Yankees, and William Kieft was
+preparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when he
+received intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who had
+taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there.
+They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly
+expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the
+rough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their
+prototypes and cousins-german the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne
+considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, much
+given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple toddy; whence
+their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland,
+which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day.
+
+In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were
+represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as
+his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east; having both
+come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other
+words, to live as they pleased; the Yankees taking to praying and
+money-making and converting Quakers, and the Southerners to horse-racing
+and cock-fighting and breeding negroes.
+
+Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval
+armament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was
+armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful
+speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch.
+
+Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon
+the enemy just as they were engaged in a great "barbecue," a king of
+festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them with
+the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy,
+canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-driving,
+tavern-haunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts: and
+concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately; to which
+they laconically replied in plain English, "They'd see him d----d first!"
+
+Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus
+Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally
+unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the
+admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report
+progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where
+he arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small
+expense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the
+universal appellation of the Savior of his Country, and his services were
+suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the
+top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole
+years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for firewood.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+About this time, the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears
+to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have
+been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following
+up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measures
+against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called
+away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of
+which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter.
+
+The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific
+governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of Bearn
+Island by _wapen recht_. While the governor doubted and did nothing, the
+lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of
+Rensellaersteen, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the
+Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest
+fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon,
+accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate
+his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty
+it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed,
+unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag,
+lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of Rensellaersteen.
+
+This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords
+States General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter the
+Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy, on coming into
+office and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian
+Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degrees
+a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been established in
+the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the
+very name of Rensellaersteen.
+
+Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the company's yacht, the
+Half Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was
+quietly tiding it down the Hudson; the commander, Govert Lockerman, a
+veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the
+high poop, quietly smoking his pipe, under the shadow of the proud flag
+of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by a
+stentorian voice from the shore, "Lower thy flag, and be d----d to thee!"
+
+Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his
+eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus
+discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn,
+armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a
+steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian Van
+Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor.
+
+Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be
+dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, "To whom should I lower
+my flag?" demanded he. "To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the
+lord of Rensellaersteen!" was the reply.
+
+"I lower it to none but the Prince Orange and my masters, the Lords States
+General." So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged
+determination.
+
+Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging.
+Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly.
+
+Bang! went another gun; the shot whistling close astern.
+
+"Fire, and be d----d," cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge of
+tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence.
+
+Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in
+the "princely flag of Orange."
+
+This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert
+Lockerman; he maintained a stubborn though swelling silence, but his
+smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke
+emitted from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he
+slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact, he
+never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the Highlands of
+the Hudson, when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said
+to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give
+particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood.
+
+It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog's Misery, bearing
+in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of
+William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the
+marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the
+little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it to
+say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery
+topsy-turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the
+window; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went
+into a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by
+Anthony Van Corlear, the trumpeter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end
+of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patron of
+Rensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with
+the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land.
+The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to
+evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling
+for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates,
+his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for
+diplomacy.
+
+Accordingly Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the
+company's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Anthony the Trumpeter as
+ambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. In
+the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Anthony the
+Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parly to the forces. In a little
+while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, rose
+above the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and ultimately his
+whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth; while one by one a
+whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall,
+and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing
+daunted by this formidable array, Anthony Van Corlear drew forth and read
+with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against
+the usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the
+premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of
+the Manhattoes.
+
+In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end
+of his nose, and the thumb of the left hand to the little finger of the
+right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with
+his fingers. Anthony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this
+sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking to
+betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of
+William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right
+hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little
+finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. Anthony
+Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or
+symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a new
+diplomat like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of
+William the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded
+his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down the
+river, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of the
+wacht-meester, to keep it accurately in mind.
+
+Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of his embassy to the
+governor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas
+Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. He was
+deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, but they threw no light on
+the matter. He knew ever variety of windmill and weathercock, but was not
+a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in
+Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic symbols of the obelisk, but none
+furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his
+council. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the
+thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the
+finger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign.
+Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put
+in capitals, but all in vain, the worthy burgomasters were equally
+perplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his
+nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony Van
+Corlear, then smoked on in dubious silence. Several times was Anthony
+obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time
+a circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber.
+
+Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayers
+and fortune tellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could
+interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up in
+sore perplexity. The matter got abroad; Anthony Van Corlear was stopped at
+every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each
+of whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to
+carry the story home of his family. For several days all business was
+neglected in New Amsterdam; nothing was talked of but the diplomatic
+mission of Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots of
+politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fierce
+feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first
+had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other war
+questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy.
+
+Still, to this early affair of Rensellaersteen may be traced the remote
+origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the
+Helderberg, and have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van
+Rensellaers to its foundation: for we are told that the bully boys of the
+Helderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, carried
+back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled
+Anthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so that to the
+present day, the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be
+the reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any long arrears
+of rent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times who had a nearer
+opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace
+lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes;
+and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned,
+and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts; for about
+this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north,
+incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon the
+pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some
+broad-bottomed express rider, covered with mud and mire, would come
+floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale
+of aggression from the frontier; whereupon Anthony Van Corlear, seizing
+his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days,
+would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and
+disastrous cadence, as to throw half the old women in the city into
+hysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, there
+being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently
+treated to a panic--a secret well known to modern editors.
+
+But oh, ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of
+the Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter,
+protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch,
+were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters of
+the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant
+campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent victory at
+Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of
+his foul weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up
+of those clouds and indications of more portentous tempests; for the
+Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable
+occasion their incompetency to cope in fair fight with the sturdy chivalry
+of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their
+brethren who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived the
+name of Yankee land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence
+was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New
+Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the "United Colonies of New
+England;" the pretended object of which was mutual defense against the
+savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of history, the
+Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the
+modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people
+destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it.
+In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people; of that class who
+only require an inch to gain an ell; or a halter to gain a horse. From the
+time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate,
+progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making
+a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that
+a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received the
+nickname of "The Pilgrims," that is to say, a people who are always
+seeking a better country than their own.
+
+The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay,
+and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeable
+piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that he
+had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this
+was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic League, by which the states of
+Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heart
+quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes.
+
+The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of
+delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this
+truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to
+the New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the
+Indians, with carrying on a traffic in "guns, powther, and shott--a trade
+damnable and injurious to the colonists." It is true the Connecticut
+traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic; but then
+they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculated
+to burst in the pagan hands which used them.
+
+The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of
+William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head,
+but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented
+in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of
+New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued
+occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea
+captain fires his guns into a water spout, but, alas! they had no more
+effect than so many blank cartridges.
+
+Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy,
+for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times,
+he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for ever
+through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern
+that such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for he was in truth
+a mighty and great little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned,
+seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the
+art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and
+windmills.
+
+It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were
+great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysterious
+exit, have fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and
+forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the crab;
+while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fate
+similar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient
+bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairyland, where he
+still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another
+return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity,
+which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.[37]
+
+All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of
+those dreaming varlets the poets, to which I would not have my judicious
+reader attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient
+and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus
+was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills, nor a writer
+of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in
+natural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from a garret
+window of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling
+salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that
+he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore,
+discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill
+mountains.[38]
+
+The most probable account declares, that what with the constant troubles
+on his frontiers--the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own
+pericranium--the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of
+advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractory
+disposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on every
+point, and uniformly to be in the wrong--his mind was kept in a furnace
+heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which
+has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did
+he undergo a kind of animal combustion consuming away like a farthing
+rushlight, so that when grim Death finally snuffed him out, there was
+scarcely left enough of him to bury!
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [37] "The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead,
+        but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where
+        he sholde remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne
+        in as great authority as ever."--_Holinshed_.
+
+        "The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all
+        Britaigne; for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn--He say'd
+        that his deth shall be doubteous; and said soth, for men thereof
+        yet have doubte and shullen for evermore, for men wyt not whether
+        that he lyveth or is dede."--_De Leew Chron_.
+
+   [38] Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after
+        truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which
+        border a little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore
+        rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable
+        Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the
+        New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an
+        eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty
+        between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of
+        the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment,
+        the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity
+        of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump
+        and gave it to be proved by a skillful doctor of medicine,
+        Johannes de la Montagne, one of the councillors of the New
+        Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces
+        of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian
+        Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with
+        the Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain,
+        in the region of the Kaatskill, under the guidance of an Indian,
+        to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful
+        of ore, which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as
+        productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discovery
+        certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent Corsen, with a
+        bagful of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage in an English
+        ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed
+        at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board
+        perished.[A]
+
+        In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the
+        _Princess_, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral.
+        The ship was never heard of more!
+
+        Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but
+        pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an
+        eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a
+        learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question.
+        Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New
+        Netherlands, declared, in Holland, that he had tested several
+        specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory. It would
+        appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill
+        always brought ill luck; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent
+        Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which
+        they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The
+        golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the
+        mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of
+        the goblins which haunt them.
+
+        [A] See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlands,
+            Collect. New York Hist. Society, vol. i., p. 161.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK V._
+
+CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a
+subject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half way,
+there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great
+man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of
+ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it
+is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceedingly
+small space in the world; and it is equally certain, that even that small
+space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. "Of what consequence is
+it," said Pliny, "that individuals appear, or make their exit? the world
+is a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did
+philosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder that so wise a remark
+could have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to
+heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps out
+of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him; and of
+the proudest monarch it is merely said that, "he slept with his fathers,
+and his successor reigned in his stead."
+
+The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss,
+and, if left to itself, would soon forget to grieve; and though a nation
+has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man,
+yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion,
+excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian,
+the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to
+sustain; who, kind souls! like undertakers in England, act the part of
+chief mourners; who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and
+deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the
+patriotic author is weeping and howling in prose, in blank verse, and in
+rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into
+a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating
+and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter
+lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe and
+Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to
+become sureties.
+
+The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered
+into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some
+historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to
+posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, and
+turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I
+question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic
+history for all his future celebrity.
+
+His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its
+vicinity; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their
+spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain
+persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks
+(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang
+their heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next
+night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever
+did, on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The
+good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a
+very busy, active, bustling little governor; that he was "the father of
+his country;" that he was "the noblest work of God;" that "he was a man,
+take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again;"
+together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, regularly said
+on the death of all great men; after which they smoked their pipes,
+thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller,
+the best of our ancient Dutch governors; Wouter having surpassed all who
+preceded him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old
+Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never
+been equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man fitted by
+Nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not
+the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters,
+destined them to inextricable confusion.
+
+To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice; he
+was, in truth, a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned
+make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules
+would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertook
+to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes
+Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise for
+his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like the
+self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign
+people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very
+bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial
+excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental
+advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have
+graced any of their heroes.
+
+This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had
+gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was
+so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all
+his other limbs put together; indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that he
+had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused
+it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver
+leg.[39]
+
+Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore
+bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and
+attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the manner of
+his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders
+with his walking staff.
+
+Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or
+Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a
+shrewdness and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly expect from
+a man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True it
+is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to
+experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest
+manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the
+erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to
+assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few
+laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and
+impartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as
+well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes
+yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten.
+
+He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither
+tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting,
+like William the Testy; but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon
+activity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the
+advice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero
+of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and
+dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete him
+as a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that he
+always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found
+himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting,
+by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he
+possessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a statesman, called
+perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. A
+wonderful salve for official blunders; since he who perseveres in error
+without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he
+who wavers, in seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer.
+This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all
+legislators great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute
+which way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself,
+while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great
+risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's
+foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The
+clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours,
+while others may keep going continually, and be continually going wrong.
+
+Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people
+of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the
+independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by
+their new governor, that they universally called him Hard Koppig Piet, or
+Peter the Headstrong, a great compliment to the strength of his
+understanding.
+
+If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that
+Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome,
+obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor,
+either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at
+drawing conclusions.
+
+This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of
+May, 1647; a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacks of
+the time which have come down to us by the name of "Windy Friday." As he
+was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated
+into office with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like
+manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone, in
+Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs.
+
+I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements,
+together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed "hanging day,"
+did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonable
+apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants; and
+several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in
+the mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare outright that
+they were omens of a disastrous administration; an event that came to be
+lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of
+attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and
+visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on
+which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance; or to
+those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, and
+flarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the oracular
+Sibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate
+inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much
+is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a
+turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, when
+anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the
+authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though
+supported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, and
+proclamations, yet tottered to its very center; and when the great city of
+New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills,
+seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and
+ready to yield to the first invader.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [39] See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of
+government, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a little
+marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself
+constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his
+privy council, the members of which had acquired the unreasonable habit of
+thinking and speaking to themselves during the preceding reign, he
+determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely,
+therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office
+all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy;
+in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from those fat,
+somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under
+the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished
+with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent
+corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the
+good of the nation, while he took the burden of government upon his own
+shoulders--an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence.
+
+Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and
+expedients of his learned predecessor--rooting up his patent gallows,
+where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing his
+flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts
+of New Amsterdam; pitching to the Duyvel whole batteries of Quaker guns;
+and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and
+windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam.
+
+The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their
+matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious
+favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet.
+Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and
+eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would
+have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass--"Pr'ythee, who and
+what art thou?" said he. "Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed,
+"for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear--for my parentage, I am the son of
+my mother--for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great
+city of New Amsterdam." "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, "that
+thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave: how didst thou acquire this
+paramount honor and dignity?" "Marry, sir," replied the other, "like many
+a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trumpet." "Ay, is it so?"
+quoth the governor; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art."
+Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a
+charge with such tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a
+triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of
+one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger,
+grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up
+his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the
+heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might
+truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England,
+"there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to
+hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their
+steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy
+Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his
+discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway
+conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the
+troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever
+after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential
+envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous
+notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at
+his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious
+chivalry; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people
+with warlike melody, thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.
+
+But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation
+in the community was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had
+old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the
+true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his first
+edicts was that all duties to government should be paid in those precious
+metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender.
+
+Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the rise
+and fall of this fluctuating currency found their calling at an end;
+those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their
+capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were
+accustomed to flood the market with newly-coined oyster-shells, and to
+abstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying this
+"tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce; it
+was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an
+end; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries;
+grass would grow in the marketplace. In a word, no one who has not heard
+the outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon "paper
+money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong for
+checking the circulation of oyster-shells.
+
+In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream was
+deep as it was broad. The honest Dutchman sold less goods; but then they
+got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tinware,
+apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of
+Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified
+themselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage of
+oyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made
+their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the
+Dutch housewives.
+
+
+    NOTE.
+
+    From a manuscript record of the province (Lib, N.Y. Hist,
+    Soc.).--"We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser,
+    and prevent their being, further imposed upon, than to declare,
+    absolutely and peremptorily, that henceforward seawant shall be
+    bullion--not longer admissable in trade, without any value, as it
+    is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no
+    longer away his wares and merchandise for these baubles; at least
+    not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity,
+    than as they may want them in their trade with the savages.
+
+    "In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be
+    enabled to draw the best wares and merchandise from our country
+    for nothing; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed,
+    long since been insufferable; although it ought chiefly to be
+    imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and
+    inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition
+    of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent.
+
+    "27th January, 1662,
+
+    "Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating the
+internal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused
+such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and
+power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston,
+where it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mighty
+principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this
+formidable combination was mutual protection and defence against their
+savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand
+crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of the city of
+the Manhattoes--as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the
+Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient Crusaders.
+
+In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a
+grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its
+dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode
+Island, praying to be admitted into the league.
+
+The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records of
+the council.[40]
+
+"Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this
+insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting----
+
+
+    "Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee
+    the ilanders of Rhoode Iland may be rescauied into combination
+    with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and
+    perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence,
+    mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall
+    safety and wellfaire, etc.
+
+    "WILL COTTINGTON.
+    "ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG."
+
+There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document
+that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however
+mis-spelt, has been warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is in
+some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of
+Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great
+resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter,
+moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the
+noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may
+picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in
+the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among
+that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count
+beyond the number four.
+
+The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part
+of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments farther
+and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even
+the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath, and to find
+themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his
+first impulse was to march at once to the frontier, and kick these
+squatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time that
+he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once
+cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at
+negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the great
+council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either
+side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, adjust grievances,
+and establish a "perpetual and happy peace."
+
+The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according to
+immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the "wisest and
+weightiest" men of the community; that is to say, men with the oldest
+heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans
+Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time
+of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the
+kind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first
+spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his masthead, and all the
+world knows that the discovery of the mouth of the river gives prior right
+to all the lands drained by its waters.
+
+It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the
+Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on
+this embassy; men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose
+presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: when
+it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
+his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that
+men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no
+alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife
+and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High
+Mightinesses on which they had squatted.
+
+In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no
+wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean
+Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no
+substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no
+jingling of money in their pockets; it is true they had longer heads than
+the Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were
+broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up
+by a double chin.
+
+The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of original
+discovery; according to the principle that he who first sees a new country
+has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran
+Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the
+identical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered the
+mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back
+in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the
+weather-gauge of the Yankees, but what was their dismay when the latter
+produced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with which he
+discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes: and so crooked
+that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river.
+This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the
+whole country bordering on the Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a
+mere Dutch squatting-place on their territories.
+
+I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at
+finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither
+will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the
+Manhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had been out-trumped
+by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of
+New Amsterdam.
+
+Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in
+a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary questions,
+when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an
+appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right,
+and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise,
+or mutual concession--that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims,
+and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, and
+the whole is pronounced an equitable division, "perfectly honorable to
+both parties."
+
+The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up
+claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never seen,
+and all right to the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amsterdam,
+to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that
+the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had
+squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river.
+
+When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was
+in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no
+war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion; while
+the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the
+Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had
+been "fobbed off with."
+
+And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter,
+congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be
+harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded
+hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that
+disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such
+expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the
+paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which I solicit his
+serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter
+Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, by
+effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the
+province.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [40] Haz. Coll. Stat. Pap.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war was
+the original state of man, whom he described as being, primitively, a
+savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his
+own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by
+society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes;[41] nor have there
+been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it.
+
+For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so
+complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to
+take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,[42] that though war
+may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employment
+of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from
+being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and
+civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards
+that state of perfection which is the _ne plus ultra_ of modern
+philosophy.
+
+The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical
+force, unaided by auxiliary weapons--his arm was his buckler, his fist was
+his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle
+of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and
+clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement,
+as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more
+exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of
+murdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and
+to assault--the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart,
+and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the
+blow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic invention, he
+enlarges and heightens his powers of defense and injury. The aries, the
+scorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to
+war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still
+insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of
+destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even
+with the desires of revenge--still deeper researches must be made in the
+diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the
+earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals, and deadly salts--the sublime
+discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world; and finally, the dreadful
+art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with
+ubiquity and omnipotence!
+
+This, indeed, is grand!--this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and
+bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the
+animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves with
+the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts
+with his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the leopard,
+and the tiger, seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify
+their sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom,
+and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone,
+blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,
+enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates the
+tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in
+murdering his brother worm!
+
+In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art
+of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered, in
+this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most
+formidable engine of war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode
+of maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations.
+
+A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore, according
+to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is
+no longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, and
+to establish an equitable exchange of kind offices; but a contest of skill
+between two powers which shall overreach and take in the other it is a
+cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery of
+cabinets those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by
+force of arms; in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms
+and becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with
+cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized
+with open violence.
+
+In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of
+perfect amity is when a negotiation is open and a treaty pending. Then,
+when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the
+will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right
+implanted in our nature; when each party has some advantage to hope and
+expect from the other; then it is that the two nations are wonderfully
+gracious and friendly, their ministers professing the highest mutual
+regard, exchanging _billets-doux_, making fine speeches, and indulging in
+all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that
+do so marvelously tickle the good humor of the respective nations. Thus it
+may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding
+between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding--and that
+so long as they are on terms at all they are on the best terms in the
+world!
+
+I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above
+discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain
+enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories,
+privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentleman
+who has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of
+heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful
+ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting
+negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as ambassador some
+political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions,
+and dexterous in the art of baffling argument; or some blundering
+statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to
+ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so
+popular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors,
+between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character to
+establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and
+concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone,
+or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement,
+therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in consequence
+of which the negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is no
+prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays
+and obstacles but time; and in a negotiation, according to the theory I
+have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained; with what
+delightful paradoxes does modern political economy abound!
+
+Now all that I have here advanced, is so notoriously true, that I almost
+blush to take up the time of my readers, with treating of matters which
+must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to
+which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that though a
+negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a
+treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful
+sources of war.
+
+I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals
+that did not produce jealousies, bickerings and often downright ruptures
+between them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did
+not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country
+neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for
+years, have been thrown into a state of distrust, caviling, and animosity,
+by some ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray
+cattle! and how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have
+remained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have been
+brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of
+some treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of making
+their amity more sure!
+
+Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their
+fulfilment; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker party
+only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will
+wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby, and
+therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it have
+anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the
+righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong
+that it could not thrust the sword through; nay, I would hold ten to one
+the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to
+find a pretext for hostilities.
+
+Thus, therefore, I conclude--that though it is the best of all policies
+for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it
+is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty; for then
+comes on non-fulfillment and infraction, then remonstrance, then
+altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war.
+In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant
+speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses--but the marriage ceremony is
+the signal for hostilities.
+
+If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination of
+the foregoing passage, he will perceive at a glance that the great Peter,
+in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of
+lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be
+traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about
+fancied or pretended infringements of treaty stipulations; in all which
+the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the sides"
+of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they
+gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Mannahata, were so pitiful in
+their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the time
+spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires,
+would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is,
+therefore, to take it for granted--though I scorn to waste in the detail
+that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is
+invaluable--that all the while the great Peter was occupied in those
+tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a
+continued series of little, dirty, sniveling scourings, broils, and
+maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of
+Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don
+Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an
+historian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements of
+higher dignity; for at this moment I hear a direful and portentous note
+issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resounding
+throughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of
+Peter Stuyvesant; I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind him
+all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward
+with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be
+wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [41] Hobbes, Leviathan, part i., ch. 13.
+
+   [42]
+        "Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,
+        Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter,
+        Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque its porro
+        Pugnabaut armis, quæ post fabricaverat usus."
+                    --Hor. _Sat._ lib. i. s. 3.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter
+Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced
+in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the
+Nederlanders were carrying on a trade "damnable and injurious to the
+colonists," in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther, and shott."
+This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy
+to have a snug cause of war _in petto_, in case any favorable opportunity
+should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands, the great
+object of Yankee ambition.
+
+Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of complaint had
+apparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with
+tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of Peter
+Stuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash,
+was proof against such missiles.
+
+To be explicit, we are told that, in the years 1651, the great confederacy
+of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of
+steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the
+Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise and massacre the
+Yankee settlements. "For," as the grand council observed, "the Indians
+round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of
+an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English,
+whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects."
+
+This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians,
+who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in
+the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been
+so many Christian troopers.
+
+Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the losel
+Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and
+his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a
+bloody nose in one of these border wars; and my grandfather, when a very
+little boy tending pigs, having been kidnaped and severely flogged by a
+long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster--yet I should have passed over all
+these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion--I could even have suffered
+them to have broken Everett Ducking's head; to have kicked the doughty
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors; to have carried
+every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of
+the earth with perfect impunity--but this wanton attack upon one of the
+most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much even
+for me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the
+historian and the forbearance of the Dutchman.
+
+Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false! If thou hast any
+respect to my word, if the undeviating character for veracity, which I
+have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight with
+thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledge
+my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant
+was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his
+right arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlasting
+flames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way than
+open, generous warfare. Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired to
+sully his honest name by such an imputation!
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight errant,
+had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of King
+Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble
+virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild
+flowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by
+Nature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken to
+refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his
+dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above board; if there was
+anything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning
+and secret wile; "straight forward" was his motto, and he at any time
+rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round
+it.
+
+Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration of him has on this
+occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the
+philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology that
+though a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of
+life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in the
+eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed
+thrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed
+escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyses every
+glow of enthusiasm.
+
+The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous
+charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the
+chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across
+the table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a
+proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with
+giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Christian, a
+soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot
+in question lied in his throat; to prove which he offered to meet the
+president of the council, or any of his compeers; or their champion,
+Captain Alexander Partridge, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat;
+wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm.
+
+This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Anthony Van
+Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day,
+sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of
+his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Anthony accomplished his
+mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered
+his missive with becoming ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of
+defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant
+and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridge, who nearly jumped
+out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonishment.
+
+The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put
+readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run
+a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the
+advantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in
+reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading; so they
+devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the "raw" which
+they had established.
+
+On receiving this answer, Anthony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare
+which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing
+himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet like a very
+devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut, resounded
+with the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to the windows as he
+passed through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all the other
+border towns; ogling and winking at the women, and making aerial
+windmills from the end of his nose at their husbands; and stopping
+occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country
+frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced exceedingly
+with his soul-stirring instrument.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the
+coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that "his confident
+denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little
+against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians;" that "his
+guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must still
+require and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with--"so we rest,
+sir--Yours in ways of righteousness."
+
+I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding
+himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round
+him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
+aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the
+council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and
+offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His
+offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to
+an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of
+high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the
+confederate plantations, where the matter might be investigated by his
+peers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity.
+
+While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one
+sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes two
+lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with
+saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who
+looked marvelously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from
+one county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth, though
+they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to
+suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthy
+Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut river.
+
+It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the grass
+grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the inn and
+deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of
+the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon
+pipe on the "stoop," or bench at the porch of his house, and announced
+themselves at once as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east
+to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him.
+
+The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a
+moment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they were
+proceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions; asking him,
+peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty; considering him
+something in the light of a culprit at the bar; when they were brought to
+a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his
+walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a
+crown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesant
+repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varlets
+from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn; then
+strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they
+should never again be admitted to his presence.
+
+The knowing commissioners winked to each other and made a certificate on
+the spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrogatories or
+to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the
+city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence,
+perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until they
+had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal
+tales, rumors, and calumnies; with these they mounted their Narraganset
+pacers, and travelled back to the grand council. Neither did the
+proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede
+their departure; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys;
+but I warrant me had they played the same tricks with William the Testy,
+he would have had them tucked up by the waistband, and treated to an
+aerial gambol on his patent gallows.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their
+envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everything
+went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the
+commissioners was construed into a consciousness of guilt. The contents of
+the satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council, and
+appeared a mountain of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, and
+declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious
+zealots who blow the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of
+politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. What was it to him if he
+should set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze?
+He was from the borders of Connecticut; his constituents lived by
+marauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers in
+Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its
+effect, and it was determined to set on foot an expedition against the
+Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure.
+Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for
+several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter
+Stuyvesant and his devoted city.
+
+This is the first we hear of the "drum ecclesiastic" beating up for
+recruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called into
+frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe;
+things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, like
+drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the
+simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust
+down his throat, labeled with a pious text from Scripture.
+
+And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes. It
+pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch,
+considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world for
+the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience: who were mere heretics
+and infidels, inasmuch as the refused to believe in witches and
+sea-serpents, and had, faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to the
+door; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were in
+perpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees, "Thou
+shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays."
+
+No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in
+the east, than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those
+economical rulers who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy
+is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and
+crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all
+diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence.
+
+Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were
+the militia laws, by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice
+a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God; and were put
+under the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinary
+occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men
+in the world, were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats on
+their heads and swords by their sides. Under the instructions of these
+periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled
+in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could
+march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without
+flinching; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right,
+wheel to the left, and fare without winking or blinking.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt
+gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops: however, he determined
+to give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general muster,
+inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona! what a turning-out was
+here! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his
+shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side; and Barent
+Dirkson, with something that looked like a copper kettle, turned upside
+down on his head, and a couple of old horse pistols in his belt; and Dirk
+Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a host
+more, armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snickersnees,
+crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the officers distinguished from the
+rest by having their slouched hats cocked up with pins and surmounted with
+cocktail feathers.
+
+The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect
+as a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bed
+soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manual
+exercise over and over again, trudged them backwards and forwards about
+the streets of New Amsterdam, until their short legs ached and their fat
+sides sweated again, and finally encamped them in the evening on the
+summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life,
+intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so
+it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and
+melted away the army, so that in the morning when Gaffer Phoebus shed his
+first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, excepting Peter
+Stuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van Corlear.
+
+This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of
+less nerve; but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the
+militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke--for he
+sometimes indulged in a joke--William the Testy's broken reed. He now took
+into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered,
+broad-bottomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom
+he boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least
+water-proof.
+
+He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across
+the island from river to river; and above all cast up mud batteries or
+redoubts on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom
+of the bay.
+
+These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun
+by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms
+and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their
+nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees,
+too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating the
+golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward
+which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of
+the town take their evening stroll, watching the silver moon beams as they
+trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of some
+gliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft vows of honest
+affection; for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of
+the marriages in New Amsterdam.
+
+Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The Battery, which, though
+ostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been consecrated
+to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy
+childhood--of many a tender assignation in riper years--of many a soothing
+walk in declining age--the healthful resort of the feeble invalid--the
+Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman--in fine, the ornament and
+delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and
+guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty
+pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of
+Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, at
+defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors
+of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag--otherwise called Weathersfield,
+famous for its onions and its witches--and of all the other border towns,
+were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting
+aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging of
+the fat little Dutch villages.
+
+In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the
+chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in
+this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant,
+the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of his
+defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carried
+conviction to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to
+believe him guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door.[43]
+
+The defection of so important a colony paralysed the councils of the
+league. Some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of yore
+in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade
+against the Manhattoes was abandoned.
+
+It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely disappointed;
+well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, by
+my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with
+all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes of Pyquag
+would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of
+Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and
+his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not have had the
+stomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander for
+a century to come.
+
+But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholy
+crusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about this time
+broke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft,
+which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a howling abomination
+could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it soon excited the fiery
+indignation of those guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evinced
+such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The
+grand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime,
+and bloody laws were enacted against all "solem conversing or compacting
+with the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like."[44] Strict search,
+too, was made after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches;
+by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye; and
+by having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks!
+What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art,
+which has baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers,
+theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant,
+decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains
+than the broomsticks they rode upon.
+
+When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a
+panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever,
+and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile
+is pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky
+cur in the street is in jeopardy; so in the present instance, whoever was
+troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched; and woe to any
+unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood.
+
+It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, "for every one
+of which," says the Reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the
+History of New England, "we have such a sufficient evidence, that no
+reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; and it will
+be unreasonable to do it in any other."[45]
+
+Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, gent.,
+furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. "There are none,"
+observes he, "that beg in this country, but there be witches too
+many--bottle-bellied witches and others, that produce many strange
+apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with
+women--and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; the
+ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden," etc.
+
+The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not
+more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the
+most solemn, persuasive and affectionate manner, to confess themselves
+guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion, and the entertainment of
+the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their
+innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate
+punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they
+were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their
+judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that
+were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed any
+evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced
+judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly
+satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them;
+but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, to
+quiet those praying quidnuncs who should come after them--in short, the
+world must be satisfied. Oh, the world! the world! all the world knows the
+world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges,
+therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting and making
+evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly
+understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that it
+may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of
+the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that
+should come after them.
+
+Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly
+entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the
+more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the
+truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the
+roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even
+carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture,
+protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as
+thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders
+only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in
+the flames.
+
+In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by
+stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being
+the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a
+demon by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measures
+equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The
+witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-stuck, and in a little while
+there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; which
+is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome.
+Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually
+recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches,
+which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatism, ciatics,
+and lumbagos; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of
+the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus
+pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a
+penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto
+this day, in their characters; witches occasionally start up among them in
+different disguises, as physicians, civilians and divines. The people at
+large show a keenness, a cleverness and a profundity of wisdom, that
+savors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that whenever any
+stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into
+New England.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [43] Hazard's State Papers.
+
+   [44] New Plymouth Record.
+
+   [45] Mather's Hist. New Eng. b. vi. ch. 7.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good
+St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which
+broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which
+filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness.
+
+A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the
+east; the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds
+of rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent
+glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heard
+in solitary places, and the border towns were so occupied in detecting and
+punishing losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was suspended,
+and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten.
+
+I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was some danger of
+this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and certain
+witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in
+the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthy
+Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, which
+it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of
+the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day on
+ancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of the patriarchs;
+nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch
+yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and
+Yankees out of the country.
+
+And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend from
+the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern
+frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting
+Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of
+the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations of
+that veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jensen
+Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes,
+Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command
+of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to
+great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories
+speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and
+his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees.
+In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more
+kicks, in a certain honorable part, than any of his comrades; in
+consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had been
+promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and
+suffered in his country's cause.
+
+It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses into
+some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others, of
+intellectual silver; while others are intellectually furnished with iron
+and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it would
+seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass
+enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to pass
+off upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the little governor would
+sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left
+those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the
+Dragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to
+the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his
+station by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, always styling himself
+Commander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sober
+truth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing,
+bottle-bruising ragamuffins.
+
+In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did his
+bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigious
+conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of
+wind given by Æolus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabond
+warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration of
+Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William
+the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled an
+admirable trumpeter.
+
+As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of
+the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon
+the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character,
+being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that
+he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within.
+He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a
+fishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through
+his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of
+well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out
+of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a
+lobster.
+
+I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
+warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
+accoutred cap-a-pie--booted to the middle--sashed to the chin--collared to
+the ears--whiskered to the teeth--crowned with an overshadowing cocked
+hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed
+a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he
+strutted about, as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of
+More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For what
+says the ballad?
+
+    "Had you but seen him in this dress,
+      How fierce he looked and how big,
+    You would have thought him for to be
+      Some Egyptian porcupig.
+    He frighted all--cats, dogs, and all,
+      Each cow, each horse, and each hog;
+    For fear did flee, for they took him to be
+      Some strange outlandish hedgehog."[46]
+
+I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, was
+not exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremost
+in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter,
+who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military
+notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving
+his right to his dignities.
+
+To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troops
+destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he departed from
+his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his
+undaunted march through savage deserts over insurmountable mountains,
+across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering
+vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than did
+Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches with a dubious
+screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlear
+repeated these contents in the streets and market-places with an
+appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the
+general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam.
+
+On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect a
+fortress, or stronghold, on the South of Delaware river. At first he
+bethought him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, a
+lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military
+commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be
+studded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men; in
+the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly
+degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is
+said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his excellency.
+
+As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may be
+worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was
+the germ of the present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properly
+speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises.
+
+His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to
+behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and out
+a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and
+on that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals,
+on the top of the ramparts, like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and
+vaporing on the top of a dovecote.
+
+There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unruly
+in the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, compelling them to box-lobby
+brawls and brokenheaded quarrels, unless there can be found some more
+harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delectable romance of
+Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did
+incontinently gallop into an adjacent forest, and belabor the trees with
+such might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence
+of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent
+and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the
+commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot
+within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him most
+lustily with his sabre; decapitating cabbages by platoons; hewing down
+lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes; and if, perchance, he
+espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, "Ah!
+caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I caught ye at last?" So saying,
+with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from
+their chins to their waist-bands; by which warlike havoc, his choler being
+in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full
+conviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess.
+
+He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky
+soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade;
+or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one
+day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his
+melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding
+with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe; he
+therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both
+officers and men throughout the garrison.
+
+Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named
+Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not a
+little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queue
+like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that
+his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to
+the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor
+of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning
+it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest
+of veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums--swore he would
+break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail--queued it
+stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the
+tail of a crocodile.
+
+The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the
+utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer
+not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and
+good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, the consequent safety of
+the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded the
+docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old
+Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the
+whole garrison--the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive-whereupon
+he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and
+all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with
+a "videlicet, in wearing an eelskin queue, three feet long, contrary to
+orders." Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and the
+whole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is
+well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting
+pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran
+would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of
+a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification--and deserted from all
+earthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained
+unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be
+carried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out of a hole in his
+coffin.
+
+This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as a
+disciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to
+bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrum
+of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump,
+his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [46] Ballad of Dragon of Wantley.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK VI._
+
+CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS
+GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the
+administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
+peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the
+war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note,
+and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
+troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose--from golden visions
+and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet "piping time of peace," he
+sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in Beauty's siren lap
+reclined he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwines
+with flowers his shining sword nor through the livelong lazy summer's day
+chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns
+the amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and
+clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where
+late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears
+the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield, and shakes
+the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns
+for deeds of glorious chivalry.
+
+But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any _preux
+chevalier_, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New
+Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic
+writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing
+aspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and
+such-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance
+they had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunning
+statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a
+Cæsar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical
+flourish is this: that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found
+it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its
+scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in
+which his mighty soul so much delighted.
+
+Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination; or rather, I
+behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs in the family mansion of the
+Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His
+regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of
+large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin; the
+voluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly
+behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored
+trunk-breeches, a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our
+day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who
+scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceeding
+terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair strutting out
+on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail
+queue below his waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting his
+chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fiery
+air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the
+Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his
+solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little in
+advance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a
+gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword, his head
+dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored
+frown upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most commanding,
+bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas.
+Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation.
+
+In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir,
+and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages,
+sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword.
+Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold of
+Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of New
+Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy
+of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir; for Master David
+Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as
+"weighing upwards of four hundred pounds," a huge feeder, and bouser in
+proportion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. He had a
+garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, guzzling, deep-drinking
+swashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals.
+
+No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort
+Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the
+land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction.
+
+To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to their
+High Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives as
+discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land
+measurer, Ten Broeck.
+
+To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by
+the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoat
+government of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortal
+that wore a breeches who should dare to meddle even with the hem of her
+sacred garment.
+
+I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some time
+by these windy commanders; Van-Poffenburgh, however, had served under
+William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor
+Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, now
+determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly he descended the
+river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one
+Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of Helsenburg.
+
+And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty
+commanders, striving to outstrut and outswell each other, like a couple of
+belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the
+tallest flag-staff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was a
+furious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress, and,
+whichever had the wind in its favor, would keep up a continual firing of
+cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gunpowder.
+
+On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;
+but so it happened that the Swedish fortress being lower down the river,
+all the Dutch vessels, bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to pass
+it. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, and
+compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of his
+battery.
+
+This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, and
+sorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld the
+flag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten
+his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a huge
+trencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every Dutch
+merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all the
+little round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, the
+sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutch
+luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he
+may have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their commodities,
+but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison,
+who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and diverted into the
+larders of the hostile camps? For some time this war of the cupboard was
+carried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, while
+the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs,
+daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in,
+and now, lo and behold! a great miracle was wrought for the relief of the
+Nederlands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of Egypt; for it
+came to pass that a great cloud of mosquitos arose out of the marshy
+borders of the river, and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, being
+doubtless attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the Swedish
+gormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which was
+as big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufficient to
+attract the mosquito from every part of the country. For some time the
+garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain; the mosquitos
+penetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor
+night; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with
+mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of his
+nose. Finally, the garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, and
+obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitos
+followed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of the
+country; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterward, and Jan
+Claudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead.
+
+Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, of which General Van
+Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of the
+Nieuw-Nederlands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the
+miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg,
+it fell to ruin, but the story of its strange destruction was perpetuated
+by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle.[47]
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [47] Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this
+        miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N.Y. Hist. Col., new
+        series, vol. i., p. 412.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms
+largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been
+rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a
+Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal, as
+crafty as he was rapacious, so that there is very little doubt that, had
+he lived some four or five centuries since, he would have figured as one
+of those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautiful
+princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and
+locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen,
+or any other convenience. In consequence of which enormities they fell
+under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant
+knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they
+might happen to find above six feet high; which is doubtless one reason
+why the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter
+ages are so exceedingly small.
+
+Governor Risingh, not withstanding his giantly condition, was, as I have
+hinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of General
+Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On the
+contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir,
+displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The
+salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been
+dismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been napping at his
+post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by
+discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade.
+Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the
+fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be
+marvelously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them so
+many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land with a
+military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilderness.
+
+And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to
+receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing
+appearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to
+the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty,
+by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in a
+little man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirts
+scarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of the
+sleeves; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair
+of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head,
+and decorated with a bunch of cocks' tails; a third had a pair of rusty
+gaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-legged
+fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which
+he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. The
+rest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamuffins without
+shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them; wherefore
+they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that they
+might not disgrace the fortress.
+
+His men being thus gallantly arrayed--those who lacked muskets
+shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in
+his shirttail and pull up his brogues--General Van Poffenburgh first took
+a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More, of
+More Hall,[48] was his invariable practice on all great occasions; this
+done, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his castle like
+a mighty giant just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met,
+then began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. The
+shrewd Risingh, who had grown grey much before his time, in consequence
+of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van
+Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies.
+
+Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other, they
+carried arms and they presented arms, they gave the standing salute and
+the passing salute, they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes,
+and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to the
+right, and they faced to the right about; they wheeled forward, and they
+wheeled backward, and they wheeled into echelon; they marched and they
+countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by
+subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, in
+slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the
+evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of
+Dundas; having exhausted all that they could recollect or image of
+military tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the
+like of which were never seen before or since, excepting among certain of
+our newly-raised militia, the two commanders and their respective troops
+came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war.
+Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatric
+heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other
+heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged,
+heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.
+
+These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgh
+escorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort,
+attended him throughout the fortifications, showed him the horn-works,
+crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places
+where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he
+pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of "great capability,"
+and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a
+formidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole
+garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and concluded by
+ordering the three Bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole,
+brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of his
+visitors, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian.
+
+The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with
+the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
+incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty
+followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperously
+in their sleeves.
+
+The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned
+to the table; for, among his other great qualities, the general was
+remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign
+would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole
+course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless
+victories do still remain on record, and the whole province was once
+thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was
+stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back
+him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly
+annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand
+cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty
+kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five
+pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron,
+besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff: an
+achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his
+all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let Van
+Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little
+while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.
+
+No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit of
+Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and
+privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans to rob
+all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigstyes under
+contribution: a service which they discharged with such zeal and
+promptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their
+spoils.
+
+I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van
+Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet: it was a sight
+worth beholding: there he sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by his
+soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues
+he did most ably imitate, telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth
+adventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his auditors knew
+them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they cast
+up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment.
+Nor could the general pronounce anything that bore the remotest
+resemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist
+upon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in the
+chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it was
+the best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and
+hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh
+ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and his
+whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain,
+dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic
+toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in
+Chancery.
+
+No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, who
+had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them
+neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all its
+dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at
+the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be
+made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications in
+order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schute, otherwise
+called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command,
+and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its
+puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore
+no little resemblance to a "deboshed fish," or bloated sea-monster, caught
+upon dry land.
+
+The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of
+intelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted in
+his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter
+Stuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as did
+whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the
+Turks.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [48]
+              "As soon as he rose,
+          To make him strong and mighty,
+        He drank by the tale, six pots of ale,
+          And a quart of aqua vitæ."
+
+                    _Dragon of Wantley._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager
+sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine
+qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety
+to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting
+after secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly
+and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but
+whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded
+in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' end to find it out, and
+takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the
+world.
+
+It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to be
+prying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate
+chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthy
+congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen
+excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so
+baneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders--such a
+stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions; betraying
+them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by
+any but a female head.
+
+Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the
+cunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison he should for a
+long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the
+gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least
+expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of
+enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.
+
+This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the
+garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be
+self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about
+the world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the
+skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison and
+country village has one or more scapegoats of this kind, whose life is a
+kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord
+knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no
+other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of
+idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood
+in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and cast
+of countenance, but more especially by his propensities and habits. He was
+a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was generally
+equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. His
+hair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a little
+to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian
+mixture, are half civilized, half savage, and half devil--a third half
+being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar
+reasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky
+are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the settlers on the
+Mississippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence.
+
+The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as
+applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk.
+Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one--was an utter enemy to
+work, holding it in no manner of estimation--but lounging about the fort,
+depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could
+get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or
+two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors;
+which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled
+not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented.
+Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from
+the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time; skulking about the
+woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in
+ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catching
+fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable
+bird of the crane family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his crimes
+had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a
+bundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and
+would exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcase,
+he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that
+swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in
+the country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he would
+make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole
+neighborhood at his heels; like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in
+his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; and
+from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and
+from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have
+dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh.
+
+When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave
+Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to
+room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound whom nobody
+noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people,
+his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he
+overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his
+own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the
+perfect jack-of-both-sides--that is to say, he made a prize of everything
+that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked
+hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of
+Risingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels, just before
+the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison.
+
+Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he
+directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had
+formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of
+misfortune in business--that is to say, having been detected in the act of
+sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through
+swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a world
+of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a
+backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank
+as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled
+over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to Governor
+Stuyvesant, and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole
+course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair.
+
+On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his
+seat--dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the
+chimney--thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek--pulled
+up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was
+customary with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But, as
+I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing.
+His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump
+upstairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his armory, from whence he
+drew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the preceding
+chapter. In these portentous habiliment she arrayed himself, like Achilles
+in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence,
+knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth.
+Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor, and jerked down
+his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended;
+but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as
+his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron
+visage; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five
+long weeks; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon
+be warm work in the province!
+
+Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his
+very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put
+himself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Van Corlear hither and
+thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked
+lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to
+assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters,
+according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle,
+shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and
+stumping up and downstairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant
+motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times,
+the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper
+hooping a flour-barrel.
+
+A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not
+to be trifled with; the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber,
+seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their long
+pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his excellency and his
+regimentals; being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered,
+nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with a
+lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his
+sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner,
+addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue.
+
+I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides,
+Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told,
+with the speeches of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the most
+accurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled wonderfully
+to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains
+of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly
+pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold,
+however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his
+rugged subject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of
+phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to
+shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in
+very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his
+determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these
+costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this
+hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usual
+signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the
+middle of the harangue (their "usual custom in the afternoon"), they made
+not the least objection.
+
+And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and
+preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither,
+calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of
+the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day,
+and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for I
+would have you note that you warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of
+conquerors are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are
+equal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the halberds or the
+whipping-post, for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die whether they
+shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall,
+at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen.
+
+But, not withstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of
+honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of
+New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that
+home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great
+Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war, and sweet revenge,
+determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily
+citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up
+among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky,
+delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous
+expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty
+squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly
+victualed; which being performed, he attended public service at the great
+church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and then leaving
+peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes
+marshaled out and appointed against his return, departed upon his
+recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of
+nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific
+warmth, when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless
+Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the
+fair island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked was
+sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which
+fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the
+stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight,
+after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with
+periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers
+the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the
+matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer,
+unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and
+discolorers of canvas.
+
+Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the
+Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom
+of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean,
+seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the
+illustrious burden it sustained.
+
+But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the
+contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this
+degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this
+mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark
+forest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sail
+of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here
+and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the
+mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent
+atmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage
+children, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as
+faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure
+vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice,
+the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it
+passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away
+into the thickets of the forest.
+
+Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now
+did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which sprang up
+like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were
+fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty
+spirit of Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes
+of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan
+Bay, whose wide extended shores present a variety of delectable scenery;
+here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into
+the bay; there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich
+luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, while at a distance,
+a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the
+water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening
+among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection
+into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural
+paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties; the velvet-tufted
+lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh
+and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village,
+or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter.
+
+The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning
+magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial
+sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills,
+and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while along the
+borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight
+caitiffs, disturbed at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in
+sullen reluctance upon the mountains. As such times all was brightness,
+and life, and gayety; the atmosphere was of an indescribable pureness and
+transparency; the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the
+freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the
+sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the
+earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and
+magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; the
+seamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that
+involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the
+rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled
+mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens; excepting that now
+and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted
+savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering ray
+of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains.
+
+But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did
+the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy
+heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are
+inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just
+served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery.
+The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern, in the broad
+masses of shade, the separating line between the land and water, or to
+distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the
+busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious
+craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks
+frowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers, and high
+embattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and
+the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand
+shadowy beings.
+
+Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of
+insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert;
+while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will,
+who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his
+incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened
+with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely
+echoed from the shore--now and then startled, perchance, by the whoop of
+some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth
+upon his nightly prowlings.
+
+Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those
+awful defiles denominated the Highlands, where it would seem that the
+gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up
+cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But
+in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capped mountains.
+These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes,
+formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho
+confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in
+adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous
+rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, in
+its career toward the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its
+tide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins.
+
+Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these it
+is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound
+throughout these awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angry
+clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when
+the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the
+thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled
+spirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their hideous uproar; for
+at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning
+once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable
+captivity.
+
+But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant
+Stuyvesant; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud
+anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble
+their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the
+helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or
+to come; those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking under
+the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who,
+seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history of
+those myriads of fireflies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the
+dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race
+of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before
+the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called
+brimstones; and who, for their innumerable sins against the children of
+men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to
+infest the earth in the shade of these threatening and terrible little
+bugs; enduring the internal torments of that fire, which they formerly
+carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are
+sentenced to bear about for ever--in their tails!
+
+And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will
+hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a
+word in this whole history--for nothing which it contains is more true. It
+must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very
+lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of
+Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious
+stones, the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus
+grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened,
+that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his
+burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley,
+contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the
+illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendor from behind a high bluff of
+the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the
+refulgent nose of the sounder of brass; the reflection of which shot
+straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty
+sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster being with
+infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the
+crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound,
+where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was the
+first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in those parts by Christian
+people.[49]
+
+When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant,
+and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed,
+marveled exceedingly: and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of
+Antony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it has
+continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time.
+
+But hold, whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany
+the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; for
+never was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a river
+so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally
+recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew
+were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by a
+gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock,
+which projected into the river, and which is called the Duyvel's
+Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes
+thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring.
+
+Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these
+fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the
+charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy
+childhood--recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments
+which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless Time!
+shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before
+thee?--hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run
+ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes.
+
+Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal
+crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt,
+will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great
+city of New Amsterdam.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [49] The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about
+        Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the
+        settlement thereof, says, "There is in the river great plenty of
+        sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians
+        eat them greedily."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the
+shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch
+settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors
+was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable
+fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly
+particular; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host
+that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present
+denominated the Bowling Green.
+
+In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the
+manhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the
+lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;
+they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being
+the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the
+amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.[50]
+
+On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer,
+Michael Paw[51], who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia,
+and the lands away south, even unto the Navesink Mountains,[52] and was,
+moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty
+squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a
+sea-green field, being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis,
+Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily
+armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, and
+overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their
+hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of
+Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled to
+have sprung from oysters.
+
+At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the
+neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams and the
+Van Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken; they were
+terrible looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that
+curious colored cloth called thunder and lightning, and bore as a standard
+three devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field.
+
+Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the
+Waale-Boght[53] and the country thereabouts; these were of a sour aspect,
+by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were
+the first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood, called
+Flymarket shirks; and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the
+far-famed step in dancing, called "double trouble." They were commanded by
+the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, a jolly band of
+Breuckelen[54] ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells.
+
+But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to
+describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and
+sundry other places, well known in history and song--for now do the notes
+of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar from
+beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while
+relieved; for, lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognized
+the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter
+Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at the
+head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the
+Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces,
+as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the
+head of Wall Street.
+
+First of all came the Van Brummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of
+the Bronx: these were short fat men, wearing exceeding large
+trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher; they were the
+first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched
+the Van Vlotens, or Kaats-kill, horrible quavers of new cider, and arrant
+braggarts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus,
+dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus
+breed; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the
+word Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'
+nests, as their name denotes; to these, if report may be believed, are we
+indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van
+Higginbottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferrules and
+birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the
+marvelous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect.
+Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair
+round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their
+canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson and
+thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats: such as robbing
+water-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and
+by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails; these were the ancestors of
+the renowned congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing,
+great choristers and players upon the jewsharp; these marched two and two,
+singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens of Sleepy
+Hollow; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first
+discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint
+bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the
+Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for
+their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of
+Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the left
+foot; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons by
+moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and
+noted for running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns; they
+were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the
+Knickerbockers, of the great town of Schaghtikoke, where the folk lay
+stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away.
+These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, a
+goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but,
+in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken, books; plainly
+meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books; from them did
+descend the writer of this history.
+
+Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand
+gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of many
+more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten
+to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial
+pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of
+warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his
+much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir.
+
+But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will be
+found in the sequel of this faithful history, let us pause to notice the
+fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the
+armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of
+human nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable
+discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set
+afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality
+a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that he had long
+been in the practice of privately communicating with the Swedes; together
+with divers hints about "secret service money." To all which deadly
+charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve.
+
+Certain it is that the general vindicated his character by the most
+vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
+honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
+Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers
+at his heels--sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and
+who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice--heroes of
+his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking
+swaggerers--not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox,
+and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all his
+quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man
+that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him
+alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns,
+and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering
+execration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery.
+
+All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
+certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, of
+unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he was
+continually protesting on the honor of a soldier--a marvelously
+high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so
+far as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue of
+plaster of Paris.
+
+But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending
+privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard
+all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations,
+and ejaculations--"Harkee, comrade," cried he, "though by your own
+account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole
+province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced,
+and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a
+man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally
+innocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless for
+some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your
+innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I
+cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise,
+nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust.
+Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public
+life, with this comforting reflection--that if guilty, you are but
+enjoying your just reward--and if innocent, you are not the first great
+and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this
+wicked world--doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where
+there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime,
+let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the
+countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself."
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [50] This was likewise a great seal of the New Netherlands, as
+        may still be seen in ancient records.
+
+   [51] Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found
+        mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript,
+        which says, "De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch
+        subject, about 10th Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island.
+        N.B.--The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch call a colonie at
+        Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York: and his
+        overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the
+        same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at
+        Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst."
+
+   [52] So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited
+        these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the
+        Neversink, or Neversunk, mountains.
+
+   [53] Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the
+        navy-yard is situated.
+
+   [54] Now spelt Brooklyn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a
+confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into it
+is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all
+differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end
+of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I
+have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I
+warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son of
+a Dutchman; for I scarcely ever gave them a civil word, nor so much as
+touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged
+along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax,
+to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse,
+until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of
+regard for them. This is just my way--I am always a little cold and
+reserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care for
+and am only to be completely won by long intimacy.
+
+Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do
+acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were
+merely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the title
+page walked off without saying a word; while others lingered yawningly
+through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity,
+soon dropped off one by one, but more especially to try their mettle, I
+had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was used
+by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who, before he admitted
+any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself
+superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps,
+slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a
+word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did
+I cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty
+chapters, where they were most woefully belabored and buffeted by a host
+of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave
+man, yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter
+confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead
+(asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the
+first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they
+had fairly run it out of sight; when they stopped to take breath, to tell
+their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others
+from venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks
+more and more; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a
+comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered
+condition, through the five introductory chapters.
+
+What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted
+recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No--no; I reserved my
+friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me
+company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to
+those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand.
+Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades! who have
+faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings--I salute you
+from my heart--I pledge myself to stand by you to the last; and to conduct
+you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my
+fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking.
+
+But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a
+bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking
+their tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin to
+resound with portentous clangour--the drums beat--the standards of the
+Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw wave proudly in the air. And
+now behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of
+yon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops which are to waft the
+army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!
+
+The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to
+behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous
+to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, many a
+fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The
+grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada could not have
+been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of
+Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam
+on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick maiden fondly
+crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts; many a
+copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of
+eternal constancy: and there remain extant to this day some love verses
+written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible to
+confound the whole universe.
+
+But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses how they hung about the
+doughty Antony Van Corlear; for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty
+bachelor, fond of his joke, and withall a desperate rogue among the women.
+Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away, for
+besides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add that he
+was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting
+disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands; and this made him
+to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing
+could keep the valiant Antony from following the heels of the old
+governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul: so embracing all the
+young vrouws, and giving every one of them, that had good teeth and rosy
+lips, a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes.
+
+Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of
+public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the
+follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had
+become strangely popular among the people. There is something so
+captivating in personal bravery that, with the common mass of mankind, it
+takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdam
+looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that
+trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and
+admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell
+about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children
+of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and
+exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of
+old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, Old Put) during our
+glorious revolution.
+
+Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for
+Beelzebub himself; and there was even a story told, with great mystery,
+and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one
+dark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate; but this
+I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let
+fall a drop to discolor the pure stream of history!
+
+Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered Peter
+Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public
+welfare was secure, so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising,
+then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy
+hearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the
+riverside to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner gave a
+short but truly patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he
+recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects--to go to
+church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week
+besides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their
+husbands--looking after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing all
+gossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short tongues and long
+petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public
+concerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed to
+support them--staying at home, like good citizens, making money for
+themselves, and getting children for the benefit of the country. That the
+burgomasters should look well to the public interest--not oppressing the
+poor nor indulging the rich--not tasking their ingenuity to devise new
+laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made--rather
+bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it; ever
+recollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as
+guardians of public morals than ratcatchers, employed to entrap public
+delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich
+and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them that
+if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule,
+there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well
+enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthony
+sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a
+shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down the
+bay.
+
+The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery--that blest
+resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a
+fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel,
+after the lessening barque, bearing her adventurous swain to distant
+climes! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant
+squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land
+at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent
+tongues and downcast countenances.
+
+A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city; the honest burghers smoked
+their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to the
+weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old women, having
+no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their
+children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sun
+down.
+
+In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on
+its voyage, and after encountering about as many storms, and waterspouts,
+and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally befall
+adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind; and after undergoing
+a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady, called
+sea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware.
+
+Without so much as dropping anchor, and giving his wearied ships time to
+breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued
+his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort
+Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from
+the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of
+thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte,
+the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by
+reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a
+broken bellows--"that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except
+that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to
+maintain his post to the last extremity." He requested time, therefore, to
+consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose.
+
+The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously
+taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed
+armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred
+fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten
+minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run
+the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled
+shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty
+sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that
+doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened
+terror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men to
+bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three
+muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two braces of horse-pistols.
+
+In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshaled all his forces, and
+commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very
+Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet--the lusty
+choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle--the
+warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astounding
+blast on their conch shells, altogether forming as outrageous a concerto
+as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a
+modern overture.
+
+Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the
+garrison with sore dismay--or whether the concluding terms of the summons,
+which mentioned that he should surrender "at discretion," were mistaken by
+Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered
+man, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say;
+certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand.
+Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone
+after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the
+rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of
+both parties; who, not withstanding their great stomach for fighting, had
+full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black
+eyes and bloody noses.
+
+Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of
+their High Mightinesses; Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were
+allowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter, who
+was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their
+arms and ammunition--the same on inspection being found totally unfit for
+service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before
+it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I must
+not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service
+of his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great
+fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the
+vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto
+this very day.
+
+The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedes
+occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam; nay, certain
+factious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings in
+the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their
+meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened by
+his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard
+in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no knowing
+whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and
+invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-stick
+to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of
+his counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after
+held their peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful
+of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold
+quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his
+projecting eyes rolled greedily round, devouring everything at table; so
+did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for martial glory,
+which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir,
+and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner,
+therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on,
+flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.[55]
+
+This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it
+is improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that crafty
+governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider in
+the citadel of his web.
+
+But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting
+of two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and
+hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into
+precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the
+general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged
+the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by
+animating harangues; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of
+the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the
+prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and
+enlist the passions of his readers; and having set them all on fire with
+the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head,
+flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight.
+
+An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of
+historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of
+the Peloponnesian War, one of his commentators observes that "he sounds
+that charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the
+allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our
+attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to
+be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is
+interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor
+with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out.
+Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states;
+and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great
+and noble method."
+
+In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril:
+having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions,
+surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at this
+important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter,
+I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are
+to follow.
+
+And here I would premise one great advantage, which, as historian, I
+possess over my reader; and this it is, that though I cannot save the life
+of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both
+which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present
+reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can
+now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient
+to fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything
+of the kind; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the
+field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon
+round the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered one
+another in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to
+make the most humble apology.
+
+I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out, "foul
+play!" whenever I render a little assistance to my hero; but I consider it
+one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which
+has never been disputed. An historian is in fact, as it were, bound in
+honor to stand by his hero--the fame of the latter is intrusted to his
+hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a
+general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving an account of
+any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I have no
+doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements,
+they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount.
+Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to
+do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen
+to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their
+descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take
+fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please.
+
+Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath long
+itched for a battle--siege after siege have I carried on without blows or
+bloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and
+St. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please,
+neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian did ever
+record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now
+about to engage.
+
+And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I
+could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy--trust the
+fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me; for by the rood, come what may,
+I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about these
+losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant
+Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight
+another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly
+Swedes pay for it.
+
+No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Forth Christina, than he
+proceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on running
+his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress
+to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked
+at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and
+onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were
+here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor
+Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man,
+and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a
+leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off
+with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of
+foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the
+Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself
+with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to
+make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the
+grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the
+grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his most
+hard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder,
+with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the
+glass.
+
+This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and
+demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few
+words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his
+excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a
+recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding
+with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turned
+aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous
+blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it had
+doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that
+melodious instrument.
+
+Governor Risingh heard him through trumpet and all, but with infinite
+impatience; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of
+his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping
+his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter
+Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d----, whither he hoped to send
+him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing his
+brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, "'Fore gad," quoth he,
+"but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scabbard of the
+smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a
+fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his
+messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal, with all the
+ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador, of so
+great a commander; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed
+with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message.
+
+No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he let
+fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly
+have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder magazine
+about the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been remarkably
+strong, and the magazine bomb proof. Perceiving that the works withstood
+this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible, as it really was
+in those unphilosophic days, to carry on a war with words, he ordered his
+merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange
+murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van
+Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to
+man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For
+once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale; for he
+verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous
+trial, and thus to tarnish forever the fame of the province of New
+Netherlands.
+
+But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he
+deeply wronged this most undaunted army; for the cause of this agitation
+and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it
+would almost have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to
+have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it
+was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full
+stomach, and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that
+they came to be so renowned in arms.
+
+And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty
+comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the
+contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their
+canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be the
+last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise
+my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to
+a close; giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken of
+this armistice to surprise, or in anywise molest the honest Nederlanders
+while at their vigorous repast.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [55] At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or
+        Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the
+        post road to Baltimore.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+"Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast," and finding themselves
+wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field.
+Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation now
+stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still,
+that it might witness the affray, like a round-bellied alderman watching
+the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all
+mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Cristina. The sun,
+like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the
+heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep
+between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The
+historians filled their inkhorns; the poets went without their dinners,
+either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could
+not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave to see
+itself outdone; while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy
+of retrospection on the eventful field.
+
+The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the "affair" of Troy,
+now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or
+mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a
+finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith
+to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her
+chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull
+paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a
+sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully Mars stuck two
+horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly
+swaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged in
+their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune.
+
+On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes
+over night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her
+haughty beauties on a baggage wagon; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler,
+tacked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in
+exceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language), by way of
+keeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while Vulcan halted as a
+club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All
+was silent awe or bustling preparation, war reared his horrid front,
+gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling
+bayonets.
+
+And now the mighty chieftains marshaled out their hosts. Here stood stout
+Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, incrusted with stockades and in
+trenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the
+breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and
+his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the
+ramparts like a grisly death's head.
+
+There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists
+clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire
+that raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudged
+valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and
+yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes.
+Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the
+Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van Nesses, the Van
+Tassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van
+Blarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams; the Van Pelts, the
+Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks,
+the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van
+Bummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander
+Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles; there came the Hoffmans,
+the Hooglands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the
+Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks,
+the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the
+Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the
+Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten
+Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose
+names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would
+be impossible for man to utter--all fortified with a mighty dinner, and,
+to use the words of a great Dutch poet,
+
+    "Brimful of wrath and cabbage."
+
+For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and
+mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting
+them to fight like _duyvels_, and assuring them that if they conquered,
+they should get plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed the
+satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of
+their country; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed
+in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other
+great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore
+to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it
+for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or
+playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it
+like a snake in spring time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he
+brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a
+charge, and shouting the words, "St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes!"
+courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the
+interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths,
+gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke.
+
+The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until
+they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in
+horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended
+the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that the
+very hills quaked around, and were terrified even into an incontinence of
+water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which
+continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have
+bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minerva
+kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual
+custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads at the moment
+of discharge.
+
+The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling
+tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen
+prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff like the giant Blanderon
+his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a
+horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the
+Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore,
+and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so
+justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of
+Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great song
+of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on a
+marauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches.
+
+In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Anthony's Nose,
+struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in
+a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So
+also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with
+the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of
+the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout
+but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the
+Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I
+omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a
+good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish
+drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would
+infallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that he had come into the
+battle with no other weapon but his trumpet.
+
+But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and
+the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts of
+Esopus, together with the Van Riepers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all
+before them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with
+many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in
+their thunder and lightning gaberdines; and, lastly, the standard-bearers
+and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the
+Manhattoes.
+
+And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening
+ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment of
+war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The
+heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;
+whack! went the broad-swords! thump! went the cudgels; crash! went the
+musket-strocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody
+noses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack,
+helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and
+tumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and splutter!
+cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the
+mine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trumpet of Antony
+Van Corlear, until all voice and sound became unintelligible; grunts of
+pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor.
+The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast,
+and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits; and
+even Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in
+breathless terror!
+
+Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by
+the "cloud-compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth
+a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but
+pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at
+this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling
+toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in
+mute astonishment until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the
+flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant
+chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed
+Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who
+had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These
+now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor,
+so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marching
+exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt.
+
+And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders,
+having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavern
+to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had
+well-night ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the
+front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh,
+levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this
+assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous
+warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants, broke through
+the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the
+surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw
+was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sterned
+fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear, and applying their feet _a
+parte poste_ of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that
+prodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the renowned Michael Paw
+himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of
+shoe leather.
+
+But what, O Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw
+his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar,
+enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new
+courage at the sound; or rather, they rallied at the voice of their
+leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in
+Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword
+in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements
+worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank
+before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs,
+into the own ditch; but, as he pushed forward singly with headlong
+courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow
+full at his heart; but the protecting power which watches over the great
+and the good turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a side
+pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the
+shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing the
+portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an
+angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurable
+queue, "Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, "here's what shall make
+worms' meat of thee!" So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow
+that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck
+short, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At this moment an
+arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim;
+but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter,
+seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows,
+who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming
+from the touch-hole.
+
+Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the field from
+the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and
+kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering a
+thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such
+thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he
+strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans.
+
+When the rival heroes came face to face, each made prodigious start, in
+the style of a veteran stage champion. Then did they regard each other for
+a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a
+clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then
+into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right
+side, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity.
+Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this
+direful encounter--an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of
+Ajax with Hector, of Aeneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of
+Warwick and Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen
+of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and
+holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his
+opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very
+chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly,
+that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he
+carried his liquor: thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a
+deep coat pocket, stored with bread and cheese which provant rolling among
+the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and
+Dutchmen, and made the general battle wax ten times more furious than
+ever.
+
+Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh,
+collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest.
+In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting
+steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the
+crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the
+brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet,
+shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage.
+
+The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes, beheld a
+thousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; at
+length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on
+his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and
+might have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushion
+softer than velvet, which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some
+kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception.
+
+The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true
+knights, that "fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the
+hero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant
+dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime
+of bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede
+staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol which
+lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let
+not my reader mistake; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder
+and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a
+double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear
+carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped
+from his wallet during his furious encounter with the drummer. The hideous
+weapon sang through the air, and true to its course, as was the fragment
+of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the
+gigantic Swede with matchless violence.
+
+This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of
+General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him; a
+death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with
+such violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have
+broken through the roof of his infernal palace.
+
+His fall was the signal of defeat and victory; the Swedes gave way, the
+Dutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly
+pursued. Some entered with them pell mell through the sallyport, others
+stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a
+little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, had
+stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss
+of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic
+ox-fly, sat perched on the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant; and it
+was declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his
+expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of
+glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle.
+Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a
+prodigious sweat and agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hot
+work! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give
+their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many
+horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughout
+this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single
+individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his
+queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all of which, he
+observes, as a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the
+interest of the narration.
+
+This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirely
+from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I
+have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of
+the object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been
+terrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of
+Christina, yet, not withstanding that I have consulted every history,
+manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten
+battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in
+the whole affair.
+
+This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers,
+who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their
+achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most
+embarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous and
+unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and
+blood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and
+slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a
+multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk
+them by a reprieve.
+
+Had the Fates allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been
+content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden
+time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct; any one of whom, if we
+may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies,
+like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single
+arm.
+
+But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left
+me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and
+cuffs, and bruises, and such-like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but
+compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who,
+having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each
+other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the
+end of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being mere
+spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any
+of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when
+I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst
+of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I to
+restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very
+waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so
+many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in the
+air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it
+should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman.
+
+The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a
+manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had
+to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded
+in history or song.
+
+From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity
+of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had once
+launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut
+down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting
+that he presented a fair mark; and that often a poor fellow was sent to
+grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a
+sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties:
+let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight
+harder than myself, but since the various records I consulted did not
+warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St.
+Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies,
+the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can
+discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright; and I
+should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than
+manslaughter!
+
+And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking
+our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this
+moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are
+all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this
+world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so
+many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander
+away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever
+reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into
+ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may
+wither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. "How
+many illustrious heroes," says the good Boetius, "who were once the pride
+and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal
+oblivion!" And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went to
+battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their
+achievements might be worthily recorded. Had not Homer turned his lofty
+lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained
+unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after
+all the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had nearly been the fate
+of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and
+engraved his name on the indellible tablet of history, just as the caitiff
+Time was silently brushing it away for ever!
+
+The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character of
+the historian. He is the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown or
+infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors on whom
+it depends whether they shall live in after ages, or be forgotten as were
+their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object of
+his tyranny exists; but the historian possesses superior might, for his
+power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and
+long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes,
+watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names
+with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the
+drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash
+upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings--that very drop, which to him
+is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable
+value to some departed worthy--may elevate half a score, in one moment, to
+immortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to
+ensure the glorious meed.
+
+Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vain-glorious
+boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On
+the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we
+historians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions and
+calamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I
+am a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so many
+illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their
+families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of
+fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kings
+desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what
+induces all great men, of all ages and countries, to commit so many
+victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon
+themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them
+into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in short,
+the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and privations, is
+nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame? Why, half a page of
+dirty paper! Alas, alas! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so
+great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little a
+man as Diedrich Knickerbocker!
+
+And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the
+field, it behoves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and
+inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of
+Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New
+Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the
+province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous
+deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in
+the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful and
+humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more
+galling by unmanly insults; for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, the
+renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to
+talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death, ordered no
+houses to be burnt down, permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on the
+property of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest officers a
+severe punishment with his walking-staff, for having been detected in the
+act of sacking a hen-roost.
+
+He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to
+the authority of their High Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampled
+clemency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public expense, in
+a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to
+wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms,
+about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of
+allegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain
+on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very
+day. I am told, however, by divers observant travelers, that they have
+never been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their ancestors; but
+that they still do strangely transmit, from father to son, manifest marks
+of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers.
+
+The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded to the arms of the
+triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed
+under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control
+of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary was
+called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-man, who derived his
+surname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his
+nose, which projected from the center of his countenance like the beak of
+a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of
+the most ancient and honorable families of the province; the members of
+which do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, nor as your
+noble families in England would do by having a glowing proboscis
+emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly
+nose stuck in the very middle of their faces.
+
+Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of
+only two men--Wolfet Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knocked
+overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van
+Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however,
+were immortalized as having bravely fallen in the service of their
+country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly
+fractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunately
+his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed.
+
+And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that
+this immaculate hero and his victorious army returned joyously to the
+Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with
+them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew who had
+refused allegiance; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only
+fallen into a swoon at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily
+restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose.
+
+These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the
+governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, being the
+prison of state of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of
+Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in
+the possession of his descendants.[56]
+
+It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New
+Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in
+the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave
+the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saving that he
+took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of
+vanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly
+entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle.
+
+The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchins
+who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads and
+sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war.
+As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant
+wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting,
+"Hardkoppig Piet forever!"
+
+It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was
+prepared at the stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were
+assembled, in one glorious constellation, the great and little luminaries
+of New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy,
+the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows, the
+subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on, down to the
+lowest hanger-on of police; every tag having his rag at his side, to
+finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of
+immortal dulness. In short--for a city feast is a city feast all over the
+world, and has been a city feast ever since the creation--the dinner went
+off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth of
+July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, oceans of
+liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with
+much obstreperous fat-sided laughter.
+
+I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory Peter Stuyvesant
+was indebted for another of his many titles, for so hugely delighted were
+the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored
+him with the name of Pieter de Groodt; that is to say, Peter the Great;
+or, as it was translated into English by the people of New Amsterdam, for
+the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig--an appellation
+which he maintained even unto the day of his death.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [56] This castle, though very much altered, and modernized, is
+        still in being and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing
+        Coentie's Slip.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK VII._
+
+CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG--HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH
+DYNASTY.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture
+of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn
+warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though
+returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was checked
+on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his
+short absence. His walking-staff which he had sent home to act as his
+vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council chamber in order; the
+counsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in grim repose upon the table,
+and smoking their pipes in silence; but its control extended not out of
+doors.
+
+The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack
+though fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the accession of
+Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs
+as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into
+stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing
+upon, the bit in restive silence.
+
+Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes,
+than the whole factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their
+heads above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to "discuss the
+state of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the
+self-dubbed "friends of the people," once more felt themselves inspired
+with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement
+of government.
+
+Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the province
+by his individual will, his first move on his return, was to put a stop to
+this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening, when an inspired
+cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter
+suddenly made his appearance with his ominous walking staff in his hand,
+and a countenance sufficient to petrify a millstone. The whole meeting was
+thrown into confusion--the orators stood aghast, with open mouth and
+trembling knees, while "Horror!" "Tyranny!" "Liberty!" "Rights!" "Taxes!"
+"Death!" "Destruction!" and a host of other patriotic phrases, were bolted
+forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the
+skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, and pulling
+out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a
+town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family
+curiosity, requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The orator
+humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted
+with the nature of its construction. "Nay, but," said Peter, "try your
+ingenuity, man; you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the
+clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and why should it not
+be equally easy to regulate as to stop it?" The orator declared that his
+trade was wholly different--that he was a poor cobbler, and had never
+meddled with a watch in his life--that there were men skilled in the art
+whose business it was to attend to those matters, but for his part he
+should only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion. "Why,
+harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him with a
+countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect
+lapstone, "dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government to
+regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the
+principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest
+operations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a
+trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which
+is open to thy inspection?--Hence with thee to the leather and stone,
+which are emblems of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to
+the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee; but," elevating his voice
+until it made the welkin ring, "if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe,
+meddling again with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll have
+every mother's bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for
+drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!"
+
+This threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused the
+whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his
+head like his own swine's bristles; and not a knight of the thimble
+present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have
+verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in
+silent consternation: the pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken to
+regulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues,
+and take care of their families; and party feuds died away to such a
+degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterly
+ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired
+effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up,
+yet did it tend to injure the popularity of the great Peter with the
+thinking part of the community; that is to say, that part which think for
+others instead of for themselves; or, in other words, who attend to
+everybody's business but their own. These accused the old governor of
+being highly aristocratical, and in truth there seems to have been some
+ground for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty,
+soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, appearing,
+when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the antique flaundish cut, and was
+especially noted for having his sound leg, which was a very comely one,
+always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe.
+
+Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on the
+"stoep" before the door, under the shade of a great button-wood tree, but
+all visits of form and state were received with something of court
+ceremony in the best parlor, where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high
+chamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage,
+and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels.
+
+These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much caviled
+at by the thinking, and talking, part of the community. They had been
+accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in
+particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the Testy,
+and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity and
+reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have
+pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old
+governor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a
+country should be governed by wise men; but then it is almost equally
+important that the people should think them wise; for this belief alone
+can produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirable
+confidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of
+them as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men that gives
+them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence for
+office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to
+suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains
+access to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is
+governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in everything
+else; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and
+are not so wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he may
+occasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence,
+confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such
+was the case, say they, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy
+of access, he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits with him, and
+to find out the true dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind;
+and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be
+a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by
+conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great
+reverence. As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the public
+gave him credit for very profound ones; every movement, however
+intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very red
+stockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings of
+other men.
+
+Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was, that he had a great leaning
+in favor of the patricians; and, indeed, in his time rose many of those
+mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched
+out so luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date,
+such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden
+Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of
+"Discoverers," from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from
+Communipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate
+and Buttermilk-channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam.
+
+Others claimed to themselves the appellation of Conquerors, from their
+gallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at
+Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated,
+beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and
+extending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the
+Schermerhorns; a roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the Conqueror,
+and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical Dutch
+family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of
+the soil; these are the real "beavers of the Manhattoes;" and much does it
+grieve me in modern days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders,
+and more especially by those ingenious people, "the Sons of the Pilgrims;"
+who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the exchange,
+out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, that the
+tallest Dutch family mansion has not wind enough left for its weathercock.
+
+In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutch
+aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in
+round-crowned flaunderish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly
+gaberdine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" and
+smoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain that
+the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes
+worrying about in dog day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one
+day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however,
+the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees
+sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the
+"Copper-heads;" while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity,
+and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like an
+empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious
+appellation of "Platter-breeches."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have it
+imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with a
+rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he
+abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling
+multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in
+righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to
+give thirteen loaves to the dozen--a golden rule which remains a monument
+of his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable austerity, he
+delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice; and for this
+purpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his reign there was a
+great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also
+flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on the
+eve of the blessed St. Nicholas.
+
+New Year's Day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by
+the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains
+of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with
+cherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider; every house was a temple
+to the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure
+economy, taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year
+afterwards.
+
+The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither
+repaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters,
+pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was
+devoutly observant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind for
+a happy new year; and it is traditional that Antony the trumpeter, who
+acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as
+they passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus happily
+introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low that on New Year's
+Day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was the most
+thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom.
+
+Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the
+distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the
+hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every
+part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by
+Antony the Trumpeter, and the effect was marvelous. Instead of those
+"indignation meetings" set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where
+men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the
+times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the
+two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted "quilting bees,"
+and "husking bees," and other rural assemblages, where, under the
+inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and
+followed up by the dance. "Raising bees" also were frequent, where houses
+sprang up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of Thebes
+sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion.
+
+Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those
+days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor came
+dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the
+land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlands were merry
+rather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of
+good humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from every
+hamlet along the Hudson!
+
+Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his
+favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired that
+potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly
+assemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on
+Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of
+the Battery; with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here
+would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the
+old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would
+he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war, in
+the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to
+those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously; and now
+and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who
+held out longest, and tired down every competitor--infallible proof of her
+being the best dancer.
+
+Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of
+interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of
+course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen
+petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran
+through the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, but
+the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had
+marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for
+the "poor thing," and even the governor himself appeared to be in some
+kind of perturbation.
+
+To complete the confusion of the good folk she undertook, in the course of
+a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing-master
+at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, some
+vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took
+place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great
+consternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, and
+the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized.
+
+The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion ever
+since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and though
+extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he
+immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce
+to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the
+gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than "shuffle and turn,"
+and "double trouble;" and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, any
+young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces."
+
+These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these
+were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that
+becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are
+invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shown, was a
+sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasion
+to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the young
+vrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter were pushed any further,
+there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether; whereupon the
+good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after
+suffered the women to wear their petticoats, and cut their capers as high
+as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the
+Manhattoes unto the present day.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable
+picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of peace.
+It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are
+again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not
+mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing
+chapters.
+
+It is with some communities, as it is with certain meddlesome
+individuals--they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and I
+have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the
+least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the
+excessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that this
+rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined; which
+accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men and
+ugly little women more especially.
+
+Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlands; which,
+by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies;
+has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in a
+fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woebegone
+little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and
+sublimity to this pathetic history.
+
+The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused
+by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen.
+Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field, at
+the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg seeking to annex the whole of
+the Catskill mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of these
+mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the venerable
+Dutch settlements of Esopus.
+
+Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter
+Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all
+Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has
+recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg
+commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time
+afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and
+which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence.
+
+The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy
+Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than
+enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race
+of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of
+whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellent
+history:----
+
+"The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior,
+and attire--their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their
+tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long; carved at the great end
+with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of
+a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of a
+yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable."[57]
+
+These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind
+of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land;
+but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony
+of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland; so called because
+the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were
+prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They
+were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and
+jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to
+be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail,
+stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical
+merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks.
+
+This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, a British nobleman, was
+managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall,
+that is to say, "offend all," a name given him for his bullying
+propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening
+him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the
+rightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of
+Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his
+Nederlanders out of the country.
+
+The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard, when
+he received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering
+menaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors of the
+Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to
+hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the
+whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as
+such, and he was but a little one.
+
+Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River, and enacting
+scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity
+of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the
+Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to Mynheer
+Beekman to keep up a bold front and a stout heart, promising, as soon as
+he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with
+his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and
+mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [57] Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the
+crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaigns
+on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill
+Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually
+active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw
+Nederlands.
+
+Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings
+along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into
+the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into
+the land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, their
+men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle
+themselves down in the land and possess it; so these chosen people of
+modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style,
+conducting carts and waggons laden with household furniture, with women
+and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the
+tail of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided
+varlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, resolutely
+bent upon "locating" themselves, as they termed it, and improving the
+country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they
+were guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but it was notorious that,
+wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen gradually disappeared,
+retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men; being in some way
+or other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain
+English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which
+our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by
+which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions.
+
+He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt
+to be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw
+diplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to
+repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the
+sword in one hand and the olive-branch in the other, and giving them
+their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war.
+
+His privy council were astonished and dismayed when he announced his
+determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the
+rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and
+barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty
+weathercock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the
+iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described by
+Aristotle, and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily
+believed he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor
+called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical
+temperament.
+
+Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van
+Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him
+the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise.
+
+Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, yet
+by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow
+(having never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund,
+gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed
+to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter
+Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir.
+
+Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this
+command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted
+old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty--and he moreover
+still remembered the frolicing, and dancing, and bundling, and other
+disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of
+numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to
+encounter.
+
+Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant
+but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever
+recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture
+openly among a whole nation of foes--but, above all, for a plain,
+downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New
+England!--never was there known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since I
+have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto
+uncelebrated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and
+anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh, for
+a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose
+on it as on a feather-bed!
+
+Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee
+from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the
+powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough that I have followed
+thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid
+battle of Fort Christina? That I have been put incessantly to my trumps to
+keep them safe and sound--now warding off with my single pen the shower of
+dastard blows that fell upon thy rear--now narrowly shielding thee from a
+deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box--now casing thy dauntless skull with
+adamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword of
+the stout Risingh--and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but
+triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate
+means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thou
+still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong
+enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian?
+
+And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside the
+sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly
+red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of
+Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed
+steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a
+loitering coachman, half-an-hour behind his time. And now behold that imp
+of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned,
+switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing
+on his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such
+fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware.
+
+Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a
+broken-winded, walleyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low
+the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm; and his trumpet displayed
+vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which
+is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing
+out of the city gate, like an iron clad hero of yore, with his faithful
+squire at his heels; the populace following with their eyes, and shouting
+many a parting wish and hearty cheering, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet!
+Farewell, honest Antony! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous your
+return!--the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest
+trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather!
+
+Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers
+in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the
+occasion by Dominie Ægidius Luyck,[58] who appears to have been the poet
+laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it
+was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower
+hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of Nature,
+as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael; which in
+those days was a sweet and rural valley, beautiful with many a bright
+wild flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and
+there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping
+hill, and almost buried in embowering trees.
+
+Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they
+encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were
+assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted
+on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them
+exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter,
+whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place,
+hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and
+mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five
+shillings for traveling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to
+a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees; but these the
+valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they
+bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their
+cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he
+escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag; who, with undaunted
+perseverance and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly
+switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered
+Narraganset pacer.
+
+But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along
+the course of the soft flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the
+song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain; now reflecting the
+lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the
+humble hamlet; now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the
+cheerful song of the peasant.
+
+At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio,
+order the sturdy Antony to sound a courteous salutation; though the
+manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay
+when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incomparable
+achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and
+they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold
+transgressions.
+
+But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving
+his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verily
+believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into
+their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which
+ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor
+of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to
+compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous
+furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed,
+so much does prowess in arms delight the gentler sex. The little children,
+too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his
+brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I
+omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding
+the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his
+trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The
+kind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all
+with infinite loving kindness, and was right pleased to see a crew of
+little trumpeters crowding round him for his blessing, each of whom he
+patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy
+molasses candy.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [58] This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in
+        Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to Ægidius
+        Luyck in D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with
+        Judith Isendoorn. (Old MSS.)
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant,
+followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through
+the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved
+province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British
+Cabinet.
+
+This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret
+instigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselves
+totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the
+Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British
+Government, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and delights of
+this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be
+sent out to invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land.
+
+These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion
+was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are assured
+by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astounding
+victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout
+Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the
+jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This
+jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore,
+who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted
+to him by the British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights.
+Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or
+Lond Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the
+kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British
+territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the
+Nederlanders.
+
+The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on
+the part of his Majesty Charles the Second for the safety and well-being
+of his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the
+New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a
+continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British Crown by
+the pilgrims when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British
+oppression. All this goodly land thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he
+presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother the Duke of York, a
+donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give
+away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be
+merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway
+despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put
+his brother in complete possession of the premises.
+
+Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While
+the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in somber security, and the
+privy councillors are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter the
+Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country, in the
+confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council
+to terms, a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the
+Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing
+Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial.
+
+But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that in all warlike conflicts
+and doubtful perplexities he will every acquit himself like a gallant,
+noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge! Shine
+out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes; and the
+blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness
+is seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity, therefore, has been
+wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can
+never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace.
+In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an individual
+(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and
+misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur; and even when sinking
+under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than
+ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity.
+
+The vast Empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and
+concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of
+drowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the
+subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented
+nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and
+Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their
+contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano.
+The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years'
+distress and final conflagration. Paris rose in importance by the plots
+and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even the
+mighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for
+nothing of moment excepting the Plague, the Great Fire, and Guy Faux's
+Gunpowder Plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in silent
+obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch,
+as it were, immortality from the explosion.
+
+The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that
+the city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high road
+to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is
+really a matter of astonishment how so small a State has been able in so
+short a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the
+province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the
+tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing in
+historic importance: and never could it have had a more appropriate
+chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daring
+progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached
+Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which
+was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van
+Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little
+in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great mind, he
+placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his
+left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and,
+with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode
+into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet
+before him in a manner to electrify the whole community.
+
+
+Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such a
+hurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads out
+of windows; such gathering of knots in market-places Peter Stuyvesant was
+a straightforward man, and prone to do everything above board. He would
+have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a
+parley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to deal
+with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent
+forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style
+befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply all
+kinds of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other courteous
+impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal
+to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein he
+was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long sufferings, and
+achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even said he was treated to
+a sight of Plymouth Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire.
+
+I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which
+time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite
+annoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling
+on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them
+to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic
+negotiations; a great deal was said and very little done; one conversation
+led to another; one conference begot misunderstandings which it took a
+dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found
+themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to
+an agreement.
+
+In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered the brain and
+incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the
+dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact
+that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by
+sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him
+with subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by land!
+
+Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himself
+thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil! Now did he draw his
+trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the
+Amphictyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he
+resolve to fight his way throughout all the regions of the east, and to
+lay waste Connecticut river.
+
+Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on
+this ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no
+other councillor than thine own head; no other armour but an honest
+tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but
+St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter--did I not tremble
+when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers
+of New England?
+
+It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van
+Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the
+spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, and
+prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston.
+With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the
+present; to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations;
+and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the
+salvation of the Manhattoes.
+
+The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; he
+forthwith dispatched a secret message to his councillors at New Amsterdam,
+apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a
+posture of defense, promising to come as soon as possible to their
+assistance. This done, he felt marvelously relieved, rose slowly, shook
+himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same
+manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle,
+in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress.
+
+And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this
+imminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going
+on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a
+turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thing
+with heart and soul he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and
+sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those
+things in person which in modern days are trusted to generals and
+ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an
+uproar--all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect which
+induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the
+renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community
+where every individual has a voice in public affairs; where every
+individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation; and where every
+individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his
+country--I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than
+such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues--such
+patriotic bawling--such running hither and thither--everybody in a
+hurry--everybody in trouble--everybody in the way, and everybody
+interrupting his neighbor--who is busily employed in doing nothing! It is
+like witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog--some
+dragging about empty engines, others scampering with full buckets, and
+spilling the contents into their neighbors' boots, and others ringing the
+church bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen,
+like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down
+scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing the
+attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the
+unfortunate, catches up some article of no value, and gallants it off with
+an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money;
+there another throws looking-glasses and china out of the window, to save
+them from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down
+the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of "Fire! fire! fire!"
+
+"When the news arrived at Sinope," says Lucian--though I own the story is
+rather trite-"that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants were
+thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms; others
+rolled stones to build up the walls; everybody, in short, was employed,
+and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find
+nothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country
+was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with
+might and main up and down the Gymnasium." In like manner did every
+mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the
+missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things
+in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. "Every man," said the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, "flew to arms!" by which is meant that not one of
+our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an
+old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch
+fowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night without a
+lantern, nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest he
+should come unawares upon a British army; and we are informed that Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as
+the governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in his
+entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back.
+
+But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one
+which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popular
+meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, were
+extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment of
+unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress
+them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the
+orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and
+exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions
+to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was
+resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most
+formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth.
+This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately
+proposed--whether it were not possible and politic to exterminate Great
+Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only
+one arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punishment for his treasonable
+presumption, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered,
+which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards
+considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing.
+The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it
+was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was
+accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were
+wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous.
+Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, the
+old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and
+their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, the community
+began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low
+Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most woefully
+beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it
+was proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon the
+will of the New Amsterdammers.
+
+Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a
+multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased all
+the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge
+bonfire, and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present who
+had a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw it
+into the flames, to the irreparable detriment, loss and ruin of the
+English manufacturers! In commemoration of this great exploit they erected
+a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain, under the
+similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the
+globe; but either through the unskillfulness of the sculptor, or his
+ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly
+striving to get hold of a dumpling.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of
+that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that not
+withstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the
+city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before.
+The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this; and, having
+received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of
+defense, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to
+assist them with their wisdom. These were of that order of citizens
+commonly termed "men of the greatest weight in the community;" their
+weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their
+purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang
+like a millstone round the neck of the community.
+
+Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
+first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second,
+that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; which
+points being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboring
+one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was
+this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in
+this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of
+wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused,
+as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd.
+Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of
+measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered
+the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent
+invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch
+critic who judged of books by their size.
+
+This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
+customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by
+certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
+barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarly
+noted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair of
+the least importance without previous debates and harangues among their
+chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing
+their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing
+them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they
+possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent of
+holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body
+was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they
+considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his
+duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them,
+required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood
+it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every
+soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty
+mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this
+assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom,
+the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words.
+
+We are told that disciples on entering the school of Pythagoras were for
+two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions or make
+remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their
+tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to
+communicate their own opinions.
+
+With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be
+introduced in modern legislative bodies--and how wonderfully would it have
+tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes.
+
+At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, the stumbling block of
+William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the
+cheapest plan of defense was insisted upon as the best; it being deemed a
+great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economise in ball.
+
+Thus old Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously
+personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting the
+venerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the old
+factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by
+the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor.
+Whatever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of
+Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect
+the downfall of their rivals, their second to elevate themselves, and
+their third to consult the public good; though many left the third
+consideration out of question altogether.
+
+In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of
+projects that were struck out; projects which threw the windmill system of
+William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost
+uniformly opposed by the "men of the greatest weight in the community;"
+your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at
+"negativing." Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers,
+who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of
+defence proposed. These were that class of "conservatives" who, having
+amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it
+were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling
+beatitude of conscious wealth; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed
+a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its
+life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to
+these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion
+of locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armament
+was to throw their money into the sea; to build fortifications was to bury
+it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as
+their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left
+no scar; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all
+maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the
+patient.
+
+Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away their time, which
+the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and
+long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with
+which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay
+was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their distracted
+situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in
+the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of
+fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in
+consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was
+happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed them
+that a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling,
+eyeing one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in each
+other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly
+put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, so
+was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and
+totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled
+home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with
+corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the
+street-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without venturing to
+peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball.
+
+The sovereign people crowded into the marketplace, herding together with
+the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when the
+shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold.
+Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's
+terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search of
+encouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments a confirmation
+of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great
+Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy--while the
+old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their
+fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter! and how
+did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed a
+gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day
+after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without
+bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was
+hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not
+been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? Had they
+not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons? Had they
+not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? In the midst
+of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty
+nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New
+Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant
+sound of a trumpet;--it approached--it grew louder and louder--and now it
+resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the
+well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant
+Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came
+galloping into the marketplace.
+
+The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round
+the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings and
+congratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them the marvelous
+adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making
+their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where anything
+touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the
+incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will
+not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say,
+that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he
+could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships
+sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports
+to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its
+promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter,
+perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate
+decampment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn
+his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth escapes and divers
+perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scourged, without sound of
+trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country in
+an uproar with hostile preparation, and they were obliged to take a large
+circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the
+Devil's Backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth, one day like a
+lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three
+generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take
+possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony
+had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of
+his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in
+hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshaling forth their
+draggle-tailed militia.
+
+The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount
+the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron.
+This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout
+frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent., informs us, "three
+hundred valiant red coats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down,
+and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his
+anchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so to do.
+This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though
+I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he
+had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having
+despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town,
+with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches
+pockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small
+resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is brewing. The
+very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay; while all the old and
+ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to
+save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment!
+
+The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched in
+terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor, declaring the
+right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed
+the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts,
+etc., should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and
+protection; promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free
+trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's
+government.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of
+aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John
+Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to be
+taken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket,
+stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great
+vehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer
+the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy
+councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for confident in
+his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give
+them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct.
+
+His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the
+late valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire in
+their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places; crawling
+cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting at
+every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers;
+and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable
+soldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms! Having, however, in
+despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe,
+without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their
+seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a
+few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and
+stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed
+in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on
+his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped
+himself in this portentious manner unless something of martial nature were
+working within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if
+they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their
+pipes in breathless suspense.
+
+His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle
+debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting
+the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those
+brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty
+bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He now
+called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had
+defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the
+summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend
+the province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg to
+stand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flat
+of his sword upon the table that quite electrified his auditors.
+
+The privy councillors who had long since been brought into as perfect
+discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there
+was no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in
+silence like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being
+inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency acquired at
+popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit,
+when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present
+jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested
+a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general
+meeting of the people.
+
+So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused
+the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself--what, then, must have been
+its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a
+governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of
+the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition? He burst forth into a blaze
+of indignation--swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of
+it; that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of
+tobacco for either; that they might go home and go to bed like old women,
+for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance
+of them or their adherents! So saying, he tucked his sword under his arm,
+cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped
+indignantly out of the council chamber, everybody making room for him as
+he passed.
+
+No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meeting
+in front of the stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue
+Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of
+William the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking
+the reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the
+land, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing
+that he was the first to imprint New-year cakes with the mysterious
+hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such-like magical devices.
+
+This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter
+Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech,
+informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received to
+surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the
+public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions
+highly to the honor and advantage of the province.
+
+He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high-sounding terms of
+vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to Nero,
+Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the people that
+the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the
+present; that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood-stained
+tablet of history; that ages would roll back with sudden horror when they
+came to view it; that the womb of time (by the way, your orators and
+writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would
+fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman)--that the womb of
+time, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a
+parallel enormity: with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring
+tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, for
+they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of
+popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric
+under the general title of Rigmarole.
+
+The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorial
+addressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on his
+conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer
+of this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no inclination of
+coming again within kicking distance of his excellency. Who did deliver
+it has never been named in history; in which neglect he has suffered
+grievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with him
+perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. All
+we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim
+Peter to light his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he smoked
+it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Now did the high-minded Peter de Groodt shower down a pannier load of
+maledictions upon his burgomaster for a set of self-willed, obstinate,
+factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he
+omit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign people, as
+a heard of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships and
+illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and
+eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortality and a
+broken head.
+
+Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even
+of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his
+right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his
+war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country
+night and day--sounding the alarm along the pastoral border of the
+Bronx--startling the wild solitudes of Croton--arousing the rugged
+yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken--the mighty men of battle of Tappan
+Bay--and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and
+Sleepy-Hollow--charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns,
+shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes.
+
+Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that
+Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just
+stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle,
+well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the
+city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway;
+sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the
+winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more were they to be
+gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter.
+
+It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek
+(sagely denominated Haerlem river) which separates the island of
+Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an
+uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of
+brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient
+ghost upon the brink, and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of his
+errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously
+that he would swim across in spite of the devil (_spyt den duyvel_), and
+daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! scarce had he buffeted
+half-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battling
+with the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his trumpet to his
+mouth, and giving a vehement blast sank for ever to the bottom.
+
+The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned
+Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rang
+far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who
+hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his
+veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the
+melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow of giving
+belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge mossbonker, seize
+the sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him beneath the waves. Certain it
+is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the
+Hudson, has been called _Spyt den Duyvel_ ever since; the ghost of the
+unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trumpet
+has often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with the
+howling of the blast.
+
+Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary,
+a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in the
+future; and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence that no
+true Dutchman will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates
+the devil.
+
+Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear--a man deserving of a better fate.
+He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until the
+day of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind
+some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country--fine,
+chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speak
+true (and they are not apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race of
+editors who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid
+by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable.
+It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the east he did
+much towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which is
+adduced the notorious propensity of the people of those parts to sound
+their own trumpet.
+
+As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and
+night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and
+solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the
+generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of
+Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;
+he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the
+martial melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching
+loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. He
+was gone for ever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur was
+skulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try thy
+fortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine
+forth--Peter the Headstrong!
+
+The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night; still
+all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind
+lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious,
+yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the
+eventful morning when the Great Peter was to give his reply to the summons
+of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting
+in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon
+boiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters
+flashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier
+arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut,
+counseling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, to
+surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to which
+a refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to intrude officious
+advice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery old
+governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the
+bosoms of his councillors to quake with awe; railing at his unlucky fate,
+that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects and jesuitical
+advisers.
+
+Just at this ill-chosen juncture the officious burgomasters, who had heard
+of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the
+room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and
+abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the
+spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces--threw
+it in the face of the nearest burgomaster--broke his pipe over the head
+of the next--hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just
+retreating out at the door; and finally prorogued the whole meeting _sine
+die_, by kicking them downstairs with his wooden leg.
+
+As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion, and had
+time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at full
+length, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and
+vindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for their own
+parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by
+the timber toe of his excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of
+the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the
+seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the harangue
+came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of
+character vested in all true mobs; who, though they may bear injuries
+without a murmur, yet are marvelously jealous of their sovereign dignity;
+and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been
+provoked, had they not been somewhat more afright of their sturdy old
+governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or the d----l
+himself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle
+which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and
+venerable little city--the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited
+country--garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men,
+burgomasters, schepens, and old women--governed by a determined and
+strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and
+resolutions--blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with
+direful desolation from without; while its very vitals are torn with
+internal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen record a page of
+more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the
+Israelites during the siege of Jerusalem, where discordant parties were
+cutting each other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions of
+Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword
+into the very _sanctum sanctorum_ of the temple!
+
+Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout,
+and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, despatched
+a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein he
+asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the
+righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance!
+
+My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenes
+prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded
+in these manly and affectionate terms:----
+
+
+    "As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to
+    answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as
+    merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in His gracious
+    disposal, and we may as well be preserved by Him with small
+    forces as by a great army, which makes us to wish you all
+    happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to His
+    protection.--My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate
+    servant and friend,
+
+    "P. STUYVESANT."
+
+Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of
+horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side,
+thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce little
+war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house,
+determined to defend his beloved city to the last.
+
+While all these struggles and dissentions were prevailing in the unhappy
+city of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was
+framing the above quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain
+idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of
+the populace; and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacent
+country a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in
+their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple
+Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They
+promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his
+British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw,
+and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe,
+speak Dutch, wear as many beeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles,
+and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot.
+That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language,
+nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than by
+casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of
+his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That
+every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat,
+shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage; and that no man
+should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any other
+modern innovations; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his
+house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his
+children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time
+immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade,
+and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar
+than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the
+tutelar saint of the city.
+
+These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people,
+who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most
+singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain little
+more than honor and broken heads: the first of which they held in
+philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By these
+insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the
+confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor,
+whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous
+misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse
+him most heartily, behind his back.
+
+Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and
+brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the
+boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the
+inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise,
+contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble.
+
+But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance,
+they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh,
+and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been
+subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progeny of
+Preserved Fish and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters,
+to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships
+prepared for an assault by water.
+
+The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and
+consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and
+assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The
+whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed
+into arrant old women--a metamorphosis only to be paralleled by the
+prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of
+Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into
+sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street.
+
+Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence,
+blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee
+invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave
+way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until
+it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender.
+
+Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving this
+intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could
+not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their
+congratulations--they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer
+of his country--they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and
+were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with
+victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort
+Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took
+refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear
+the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble.
+
+Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was
+speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be
+signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this
+purpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike
+accoutrements were laid aside; an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about
+his rugged limbs; a red nightcap overshadowed his frowning brow; an
+iron-grey beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to his
+visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign
+the loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible
+countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb-senna, and ipecacuanha, had been
+offered to his lips. At length, dashing it from him, he seized his
+brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St.
+Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven.
+
+For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during
+which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous
+revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to
+soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the
+burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the
+capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle
+strongly barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked
+hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window.
+
+There was something in this formidable position that struck even the
+ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not
+but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when
+they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to his
+post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful
+city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by
+the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged
+themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectful
+humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators
+described by Sallust as being "talkative rather than eloquent," stepped
+forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length,
+detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the
+province, and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same arguments
+and words, to sign the capitulation.
+
+The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence. Now and
+then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant
+grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But
+though a man of most undaunted mettle--though he had a heart as big as an
+ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn--yet after all he was
+a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal
+haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would
+follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for
+his consent; or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour
+in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them
+to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a
+pole, and having scrawled his hand at the bottom of it, he anathematised
+them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons--threw the
+capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard
+stumping downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently
+took to their heels; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the
+premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and
+greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure.
+
+Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fed
+warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and
+batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers
+made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to
+protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated
+in silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through the
+streets.
+
+Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces,
+enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm, as _locum tenens_ for
+the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that
+of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth
+were denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto the
+present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to
+maintain quiet possession of their property, but so inveterately did they
+retain their abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting of
+the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of
+their conquerors to dinner.
+
+
+    NOTE.
+
+    Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus
+    overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens,
+    a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by
+    one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they
+    crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and
+    cabbage gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers
+    among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have
+    remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to
+    repeople the city with the genuine breed, whenever it shall be
+    effectually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine
+    descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York still look
+    with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did
+    the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of
+    Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance is to
+    come.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Thus then have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but before I
+lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty.
+If, among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there should
+haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with
+celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will
+doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To
+gratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more lengths than to
+instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers.
+
+No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of
+capitulation, than, determined not to witness the humiliation of his
+favorite city, he turned his back on its walls, and made a growling
+retreat to his bowery, or country seat, which was situated about two miles
+off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement.
+There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid
+the distracting cares of government, and tasted the sweets of absolute and
+uncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed
+with the bitterness of opposition.
+
+No persuasion should ever induce him to revisit the city; on the contrary,
+he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the
+windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees,
+planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screen that effectually
+excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerate
+innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors--forbade a word
+of their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibition
+readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything but
+Dutch, and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house
+because it consisted of English cherry trees.
+
+The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast
+province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in
+narrower limits. He patroled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of
+his little territory, repelled every encroachment with intrepid
+promptness: punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his
+farmyard with inflexible severity, and conducted every stray hog or cow in
+triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless
+stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and
+his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart,
+had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to
+this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an
+Englishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand of
+assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality.
+Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at
+his door, with his cart-load of tinware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter
+would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious
+clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of "notions" was
+fain to betake himself to instant flight.
+
+His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, was carefully hung
+up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of
+every month, and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim
+repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full-length
+portrait of the renowned admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he
+maintained strict discipline, and a well organized despotic government;
+but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects
+was his constant object. He watched over not merely their immediate
+comforts, but their morals and their ultimate welfare; for he gave them
+abundance of excellent admonition; nor could any of them complain, that,
+when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing
+wholesome correction.
+
+The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an
+overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse
+among my fellow citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of
+Governor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed liberality,
+of jocund revelry and warm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled
+with genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an
+unceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment unknown in these
+days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously
+observed throughout his dominions; nor was the day of St. Nicholas
+suffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in the
+chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies.
+
+Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full
+regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New
+Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of
+saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at
+liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased, for on this day
+their master was always observed to unbend and become exceedingly pleasant
+and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errands
+for pigeons' milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and
+humored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well disciplined
+dependent. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land,
+injuring no man, envying no man, molested by no outward strifes, perplexed
+by no internal commotions; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were
+vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind by
+war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the
+little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the
+domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of
+mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak,
+which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still
+retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan, with every
+blast--so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the port
+and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry,
+yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame--but his
+heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With
+matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence
+concerning the battles between the English and Dutch; still would his
+pulse beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter--and his
+countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of
+the English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoke his fifth
+pipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, conquering the whole
+British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of
+bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in
+a ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of a
+great victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over the
+brave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart
+that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to
+death's door by a violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he still
+displayed the unconquerable sprit of Peter the Headstrong--holding out to
+the last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole army of old women,
+who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch
+mode of defense, by inundation.
+
+While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought
+him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat with little loss,
+and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the
+old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words. He partly raised
+himself in bed, clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripe
+that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Port Christina, and
+giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and expired.
+Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright
+governor, and an honest Dutchman, who wanted only a few empires to
+desolate to have been immortalized as a hero!
+
+His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and
+solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded
+in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his
+sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollection, while the
+memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient
+burghers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall; the
+populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier, and the melancholy
+procession was closed by a number of gray-bearded negroes, who had
+wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the
+greater part of a century.
+
+With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave.
+They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal
+services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled,
+with secret upbraiding, their own factious oppositions to his government;
+and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been
+known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a
+pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek; while he muttered,
+with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head, "Well,
+den!--Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!"
+
+His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he
+had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, and
+which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's
+church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, as
+it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants,
+who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence
+to the customs and manners that prevailed in the "good old times," have
+proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and
+oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money-diggers, in
+quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor,
+though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their
+researches; and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, that
+does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he
+conceived it a great exploit to rob "Stuyvesant's orchard" on a holiday
+afternoon?
+
+At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of
+the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors
+from the parlor wall, his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best
+bed-room; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspended
+in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a
+new-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured
+up in the store-room as an invaluable relique.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful
+and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and
+authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and
+heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty
+empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the
+disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been
+extinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of
+states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wrought
+their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy
+commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and
+powers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall; each
+in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre; each has returned to its primeval
+nothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their High
+Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the
+Doubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, and the chivalric reign
+of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered over
+attentively; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed
+greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found and the lamp
+of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn
+against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweening
+fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of
+prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to destroy its pride
+of character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to the calls of honor
+and of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his
+pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such
+supineness ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded
+up produces the usurpation of a second; one encroachment passively
+suffered makes way for another; and the nation which thus, through a
+doting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and interest, will at length
+have to fight for existence.
+
+Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warning
+against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts without
+system, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies;
+which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness of
+ignorance and imbecility; which stoops for popularity by courting the
+prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than commanding the
+respect, of the rabble; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors,
+and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions;
+which mistakes procrastination for weariness--hurry for
+decision--parsimony for economy--bustle for business, and vaporing for
+valor; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate
+in action, and feeble in execution; which undertakes enterprises without
+forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without
+energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat.
+
+Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and
+decision, even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded by
+perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled courage
+will command respect and secure honor, even where success is unattainable.
+But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the
+good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving
+professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they most
+mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions and
+wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, or
+apprehension will overpower the deference to authority.
+
+Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their intemperate
+harangues, their violent "resolutions," their hectorings against an absent
+enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust and
+despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue.
+Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destitute
+of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and
+bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution
+us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a
+noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe
+with courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but takes from the
+merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful.
+
+But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn from
+the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will
+discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and
+are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I conclude let me
+point out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain of events by
+which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of
+our globe.
+
+Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art a
+king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure
+up in thy heart, though little expectation have I that my work will fall
+into such hands; for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all
+grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs,
+lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom.
+
+By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes
+enjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of
+Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the
+conquest of New Sweden Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord
+Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the
+whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole
+extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered
+one entire dependency upon the British crown. But mark the consequence:
+the hitherto-scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no
+rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and
+finally becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shake
+off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire.
+But the chain of effects stopped not here; the successful revolution in
+America produced the sanguinary revolution in France which produced the
+puissant Bonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which has thrown
+the whole world in confusion! Thus have these great Powers been
+successively punished for their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as I
+asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters
+that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort
+Casimir, as recorded in this eventful history.
+
+And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, which, alas! must be
+for ever--willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy
+kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the
+days of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written one
+as good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will hereafter
+spring up and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, and still
+less care; well knowing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is
+vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end every one at
+table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any
+reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve,
+though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he
+was mistaken--his good-nature by telling him he was captious--or his pure
+conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so
+ingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousand
+pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery.
+
+I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens to
+think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will
+to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics who
+despise the world, because it despises them; on the contrary, though but
+low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and
+my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the
+unbounded love I bear it.
+
+If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a long
+and laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age,
+I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me
+even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile
+snows upon my brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still
+lingers around my heart, and throbs, worthy reader, throbs kindly toward
+thyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust,
+which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds,
+may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild
+flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mannahata!
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
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+<html>
+  <head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content=
+    "text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Knickerbocker'S History Of New York, by Washington Irving.
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css">
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+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Knickerbocker's History of New York, Complete
+
+Author: Washington Irving
+
+Release Date: July 29, 2004 [EBook #13042]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF NEW YORK ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Franks and PG Distributed Proofreaders
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<a name='Page_1'></a>
+
+<h1>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK</h1>
+
+<h4>COMPLETE</h4>
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>WASHINGTON IRVING</h2>
+
+<h4>CHICAGO</h4>
+
+<h4>W.B. CONKEY COMPANY</h4>
+
+<h4>PUBLISHERS</h4>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. -->
+<a href='#KNICKERBOCKERSI'><b>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK&mdash;VOLUME I</b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#VOLI_INTRODUCTION'><b>INTRODUCTION</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#THE_AUTHORS_APOLOGY'><b>THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#Notices'><b>Notices</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#ACCOUNT_OF_THE_AUTHOR'><b>ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#TO_THE_PUBLIC'><b>TO THE PUBLIC</b></a><br /></li>
+
+<li><a href='#BOOK_I'><b><i>BOOK I</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+<li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#I_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_II'><b><i>BOOK II</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#II_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_III'><b><i>BOOK III</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#III_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_IV'><b><i>BOOK IV</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+</ul>
+<a href='#KNICKERBOCKERS'><b>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK&mdash;VOLUME II</b></a><br />
+<ul>
+ <li><a href='#VOLII_INTRODUCTION'><b>INTRODUCTION</b></a><br /></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#HISTORY_OF_NEW_YORK'><b>HISTORY OF NEW YORK&mdash;<i>BOOK IV</i> (<i>Cont'd.</i>)</b></a><br />
+ <ul>
+<li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_X'><b>CHAPTER X</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_XI'><b>CHAPTER XI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#IV_CHAPTER_XII'><b>CHAPTER XII</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_V'><b><i>BOOK V</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#V_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_VI'><b><i>BOOK VI</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+  <li><a href='#VI_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+
+ <li><a href='#BOOK_VII'><b><i>BOOK VII</i></b></a><br />
+<ul>
+<li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_I'><b>CHAPTER I</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_II'><b>CHAPTER II</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_III'><b>CHAPTER III</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_IV'><b>CHAPTER IV</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_V'><b>CHAPTER V</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_VI'><b>CHAPTER VI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_VII'><b>CHAPTER VII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_VIII'><b>CHAPTER VIII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_IX'><b>CHAPTER IX</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_X'><b>CHAPTER X</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_XI'><b>CHAPTER XI</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_XII'><b>CHAPTER XII</b></a><br /></li>
+ <li><a href='#VII_CHAPTER_XIII'><b>CHAPTER XIII</b></a><br /></li>
+</ul></li>
+</ul>
+<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. -->
+<hr class="full" />
+
+[Transcriber's note: The spelling irregularities of the original have
+been retained in this etext.]
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<a name='KNICKERBOCKERSI'></a>
+<a name='VOLI_INTRODUCTION'></a><h2><a name='Page_3'></a><a name='Page_2'></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK is the book, published in December,
+1809, with which Washington Irving, at the age of twenty-six, first won
+wide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an American friend, who
+sent him the second edition&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>&quot;I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon degree of
+    entertainment which I have received from the most excellently
+    jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, as a stranger to
+    American parties and politics, I must lose much of the concealed
+    satire of the piece, but I must own that, looking at the simple
+    and obvious meaning only, I have never read anything so closely
+    resembling the style of Dean Swift as the annals of Diedrich
+    Knickerbocker. I have been employed these few evenings in reading
+    them aloud to Mrs. S. and two ladies who are our guests, and our
+    sides have been absolutely sore with laughing. I think, too,
+    there are passages which indicate that the author possesses
+    powers of a different kind, and has some touches which remind me
+    much of Sterne.&quot;</p></div>
+
+<p>Washington Irving was the son of William Irving, a sturdy native of the
+Orkneys, allied to the Irvines of Drum, among whose kindred was an old
+historiographer who said to them, &quot;Some of the foolish write themselves
+Irving.&quot; William Irving of Shapinsha, in the Orkney Islands, was a petty
+officer on board an armed packet ship in His Majesty's service, when he
+met with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he married at
+Falmouth in May, 1761. Their first child was buried in England before
+July, 1763, when peace had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated to
+New York with his wife, soon to be joined by his wife's parents.</p><a name='Page_4'></a>
+
+<p>At New York William Irving entered into trade, and prospered fairly until
+the outbreak of the American Revolution. His sympathy, and that of his
+wife, went with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, Lord
+Cornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, surrendered at Yorktown.
+In October, 1782, Holland acknowledged the independence of the United
+States in a treaty concluded at The Hague. In January, 1783, an armistice
+was concluded with Great Britain. In February, 1783, the independence of
+the United States was acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in March
+by Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an eleventh child was born to
+William and Sarah Irving, who was named Washington, after the hero under
+whom the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the peace was signed, New
+York was evacuated, and the independence of the United States acknowledged
+by England.</p>
+
+<p>Of the eleven children eight survived. William Irving, the father, was
+rigidly pious, a just and honorable man, who made religion burdensome to
+his children by associating it too much with restrictions and denials. One
+of their two weekly half-holidays was devoted to the Catechism. The
+mother's gentler sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greater
+influence; but she reverenced and loved her good husband, and when her
+youngest puzzled her with his pranks, she would say, &quot;Ah, Washington, if
+you were only good!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>For his lively spirits and quick fancy could not easily be subdued. He
+would get out of his bed-room window at night, walk along a coping, and
+climb over the roof to the top of the next house, only for the high
+purpose of astonishing a neighbor by dropping a stone down his chimney. As
+a young school-boy he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, and
+achieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. &quot;Robinson Crusoe&quot;
+and &quot;Sindbad the Sailor&quot; made him yearn to go to sea.<a name='Page_5'></a> But this was
+impossible unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, which he
+detested. He would get out of bed at night and lie on the floor for an
+hour or two by way of practice. He also took every opportunity that came
+in his way of eating the detested food. But the more he tried to like it
+the nastier it grew, and he gave up as impracticable his hope of going to
+sea. He fastened upon adventures of real travelers; he yearned for travel,
+and was entranced in his youth by first sight of the beauties of the
+Hudson River. He scribbled jests for his school friends, and, of course,
+he wrote a school-boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and he
+was placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was transferred to another,
+and then, in January, 1802, to another, where he continued his clerkship
+with a Mr. Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young daughters by a
+former marriage. With this family Washington Irving, a careless student,
+lively, clever, kind, established the happiest relations, of which
+afterwards there came the deep grief of his life and a sacred memory.</p>
+
+<p>Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning to thrive in business.
+A brother Peter shared his frolics with the pen. His artist pleasure in
+the theater was indulged without his father's knowledge. He would go to
+the play, come home for nine o'clock prayers, go up to bed, and climb out
+of his bed-room window, and run back and see the after-piece. So come
+evasions of undue restraint. But with all this impulsive liveliness, young
+Washington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in grave danger.
+When he was nineteen, and taken by a brother-in-law to Ballston springs,
+it was determined by those who heard his incessant night cough that he was
+&quot;not long for this world.&quot; When he had come of age, in April, 1804, his
+brothers, chiefly his eldest brother, who was prospering, provided money
+to send him to Europe that he might recover health by restful travel in
+France,<a name='Page_6'></a> Italy and England. When he was helped up the side of the vessel
+that was to take him from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at him
+with pity and said, &quot;There's a chap who will go overboard before we get
+across.&quot; But Washington Irving returned to New York at the beginning of
+the year 1806 with health restored.</p>
+
+<p>What followed will be told in the Introduction to the other volume of
+this History of New York, by Diedrich Knickerbocker.</p>
+
+<p>H.M.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='THE_AUTHORS_APOLOGY'></a><h2><a name='Page_7'></a>THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated
+than a temporary <i>jeu-d'esprit</i>, was commenced in company with my brother,
+the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book which
+had recently appeared, entitled, &quot;A Picture of New York.&quot; Like that, our
+work was to begin an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of the
+customs, manners and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic
+vein, and treating local errors, follies and abuses with good-humored
+satire.</p>
+
+<p>To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, our
+historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and we
+laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant
+or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this
+crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother
+departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone.</p>
+
+<p>I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the
+&quot;Picture of New York,&quot; I determined that what had been originally intended
+as an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, and form a comic
+history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and
+disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but it
+soon became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had
+begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I
+must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the
+period of <a name='Page_8'></a>the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress and decline,
+presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period,
+also, at that time almost a <i>terra incognita</i> in history. In fact, I was
+surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York
+had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early
+Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors.</p>
+
+<p>This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city; poetic from its
+very obscurity, and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome,
+to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city as
+fortunate above all other American cities in having an antiquity thus
+extending back into the regions of doubt and fable; neither did I conceive
+I was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts
+I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my
+own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names
+connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion.</p>
+
+<p>In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer,
+besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuous trespasses into this
+sacred, though neglected, region of history have met with deserved rebuke
+from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft
+thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I
+can only say with Hamlet&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class='poem'><div class='stanza'>
+<span>&quot;Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil<br /></span>
+<span>Free me so far in your most generous thoughts<br /></span>
+<span>That I have shot my arrow o'er the house,<br /></span>
+<span>And hurt my brother.&quot;<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I will say this in further apology for my work: that if it has taken an
+unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least
+turned attention to that history, and provoked research. It is only since
+this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been
+rummaged, <a name='Page_9'></a>and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the
+dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may actually
+possess.</p>
+
+<p>The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim
+of history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from
+poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing
+form; to illustrate its local humors, customs and peculiarities; to clothe
+home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and
+whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which
+live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the
+heart of the native inhabitant to his home.</p>
+
+<p>In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before
+the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were
+unrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our
+Dutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, or
+adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are
+brought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community together
+in good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rallying points of home
+feeling; the seasoning of our civic festivities; the staple of local tales
+and local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popular
+fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I
+was the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps.</p>
+
+<p>I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim
+and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch
+worthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still be
+found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I
+have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the
+same temper with which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse
+of <a name='Page_10'></a>nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth still
+cherished among them; when I find its very name become a &quot;household word,&quot;
+and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popular
+acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance
+companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses,
+Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice; and when I find New Yorkers of
+Dutch descent priding themselves upon being &quot;genuine Knickerbockers,&quot; I
+please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord; that
+my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages
+derived from them, are n harmony with the feelings and humors of my
+townsmen; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint
+characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants
+will not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other histories
+of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may
+take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library,
+Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored
+indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside.</p>
+
+<p>Sunnyside, 1848.</p>
+
+<p>W.I.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='Notices'></a><h2><a name='Page_11'></a>Notices.</h2>
+
+<h4>WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK.</h4>
+<br />
+
+<p><i>From the &quot;Evening Post&quot; of October</i> 26, 1809.</p>
+
+<p>DISTRESSING.</p>
+
+<p>Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been heard of, a
+small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by
+the name of <i>Knickerbocker</i>. As there are some reasons for believing he is
+not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about
+him, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel,
+Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully
+received.</p>
+
+<p>P.S.&mdash;Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of humanity in
+giving an insertion to the above.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the same, November</i> 6, 1809.</p>
+
+<p><i>To the Editor of the &quot;Evening Post.&quot;</i></p>
+
+<p>SIR,&mdash;Having read, in your paper of the 26th of October last, a paragraph
+respecting an old gentleman by the name of <i>Knickerbocker</i>, who was
+missing from his lodgings; if it would be any relief to his friends, or
+furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them
+that a person answering the description given was seen by the passengers
+of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since,
+resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He
+had in his hand a small bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: he
+appeared to be traveling northward, and was very much fatigued and
+exhausted.</p>
+
+<p>A TRAVELER.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the same, November</i> 16, 1809.</p>
+
+<p><i>To the Editor of the &quot;Evening Post.&quot;</i></p>
+
+<p>SIR,&mdash;You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about
+<i>Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker</i>, who was missing so strangely some time
+since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since; but
+a <i>very curious <a name='Page_12'></a>kind of a written book</i> has been found in his room, in
+his own handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive,
+that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging,
+I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same.</p>
+
+<p>I am, Sir, your humble servant,</p>
+
+<p>SETH HANDASIDE,</p>
+
+<p>Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel,</p>
+
+<p>Mulberry Street.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the same, November</i> 28, 1809.</p>
+
+<p>LITERARY NOTICE.</p>
+
+<p>INSKEEP and BRADFORD have in the press, and will shortly publish,</p>
+
+<p>A History of New York,</p>
+
+<p>In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars.</p>
+
+<p>Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal
+policies, manners, customs, wars, &amp;c. &amp;c., under the Dutch government,
+furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before
+published, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other
+authenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophical
+speculations and moral precepts.</p>
+
+<p>This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the old
+gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It
+is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p><i>From the &quot;American Citizen&quot; December</i> 6, 1809.</p>
+
+<p>Is this day published,</p>
+
+<p>By INSKEEP and BRADFORD, No. 128, Broadway,</p>
+
+<p>A History of New York,</p>
+
+<p>&amp;c. &amp;c.</p>
+
+<p>(Containing same as above.)</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='ACCOUNT_OF_THE_AUTHOR'></a><h2><a name='Page_13'></a>ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the fall of
+1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian
+Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small,
+brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of
+olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs
+plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some
+eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore
+about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles; and all his
+baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his
+arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run; and my
+wife, who is a very shrewd little body, at once set him down for some
+eminent country schoolmaster.</p>
+
+<p>As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little
+puzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with his
+looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off
+with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great
+painters, Jarvis and Wood: and commands a very pleasant view of the new
+grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House and
+Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; so that it is the
+cheerfulest room in the whole house.</p>
+
+<p>During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy,
+good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would
+keep in his room for days together, and if <a name='Page_14'></a>any of the children cried, or
+made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with
+his hands full of papers, and say something about &quot;deranging his ideas;&quot;
+which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether <i>compos</i>.
+Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room
+was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about
+at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; for he said
+he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know
+where to find them; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying
+about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully
+put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made,
+because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put
+everything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get his
+papers in order again in a twelve-month. Upon this my wife ventured to ask
+him, what he did with so many books and papers? and he told her, that he
+was &quot;seeking for immortality&quot;; which made her think, more than ever, that
+the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked.</p>
+
+<p>He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually
+poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that
+was going on; this was particularly the case about election time, when he
+did nothing but bustle about him from poll to poll, attending all ward
+meetings and committee-rooms; though I could never find that he took part
+with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and
+rail at both parties with great wrath&mdash;and plainly proved one day to the
+satisfaction of my wife, and three old ladies who were drinking tea with
+her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at the skirt
+of the nation; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its
+back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the
+<a name='Page_15'></a>neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon,
+as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believe
+he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the
+question, if they could ever have found out what it was.</p>
+
+<p>He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about
+the most trifling matter, and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that
+was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who
+called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But
+this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the
+city librarian; and, of course, must be a man of great learning; and I
+have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history.</p>
+
+<p>As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any
+pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and
+what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend
+the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the
+<i>Literati</i>; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn
+to push a lodger for his pay, so I let day after day pass on without
+dunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takes
+these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at
+last got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time &quot;some
+people should have a sight of some people's money.&quot; To which the old
+gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make
+herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his
+saddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer
+we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in
+which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great
+connections, being related to the Knickerbockers <a name='Page_16'></a>of Scaghtikoke, and
+cousin german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat
+him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making
+things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children
+their letters; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their
+children also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed
+so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to
+speak on the subject again.</p>
+
+<p>About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his
+hand&mdash;and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made
+after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they
+sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last,
+when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and left
+the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him
+from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor
+old gentleman; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that
+he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I
+therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy
+advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never
+been able to learn anything satisfactory about him.</p>
+
+<p>My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he
+had left anything behind in his room, that would pay us for his board and
+lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings,
+and his pair of saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of the
+librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large
+bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, he
+had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about;
+as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York,
+which he <a name='Page_17'></a>advised us by all means to publish; assuring us that it would be
+so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it would
+be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very
+learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the
+press, which he accordingly has done; and has, moreover, added to it a
+number of notes of his own; and an engraving of the city, as it was at the
+time Mr. Knickerbocker writes about.</p>
+
+<p>This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work
+printed, without waiting for the consent of the author; and I here
+declare, that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident
+has befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true and
+honest man. Which is all at present&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>From the public's humble servant,</p>
+
+<p>SETH HANDASIDE.</p>
+
+<p>INDEPENDENT COLUMBIAN HOTEL, NEW YORK.</p>
+
+<hr  />
+
+<p>The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of
+this work. Shortly after its publication, a letter was received from him,
+by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the
+Hudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certain
+ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, into
+which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise,
+that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements
+that were made concerning him; and that he should learn of the publication
+of his history by mere accident.</p>
+
+<p>He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he was
+prevented from making several important corrections and alterations: as
+well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during
+his travels along the <a name='Page_18'></a>shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at
+Haverstraw and Esopus.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to
+New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at
+Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for
+which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found
+it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads
+and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline
+of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these
+intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State; where
+they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers,
+by the introduction of turnpike-gates and country school-houses. It is
+said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing
+the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace; but was highly
+indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the
+middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit.</p>
+
+<p>The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, he
+received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers; some of whom,
+however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into,
+particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany
+tea-tables, which they assured him had been discontinued for some years
+past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their
+ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of
+their neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the latter, it must
+be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon; considering these
+recordings in the lights of letters patent of nobility, establishing their
+claims to ancestry, which, in this republican country, is a matter of no
+little solicitude and vain-glory.</p><a name='Page_19'></a>
+
+<p>It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the
+governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to
+shake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly was
+going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed,
+certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture
+to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that he
+privately entertained a considerable good-will for our author&mdash;nay, he
+even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own
+table, just after dinner, that &quot;Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort
+of an old gentleman, and no fool.&quot; From all which may have been led to
+suppose, that, had our author been of different politics, and written for
+the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have
+risen to some post of honor and profit: peradventure to be a notary
+public, or even a justice in the ten-pound court.</p>
+
+<p>Besides the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed
+by the <i>literati</i> of Albany; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who
+entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and
+reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the
+ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart&mdash;of great literary
+research, and a curious collector of books At parting, the latter, in
+testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his
+collection; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism,
+and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands; by the
+last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second
+edition.</p>
+
+<p>Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to
+Scaghtikoke; where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open
+arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to
+by the family, <a name='Page_20'></a>being the first historian of the name; and was considered
+almost as great a man as his cousin the Congressman&mdash;with whom, by-the-by,
+he became perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship.</p>
+
+<p>In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their great
+attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and
+discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business
+to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and
+anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable
+situation; and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regular
+habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or
+drinking&mdash;both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere
+spleen and idleness.</p>
+
+<p>It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of
+his history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passages
+with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had
+crept into it; for he was particularly anxious that his work should be
+noted for its authenticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of
+history. But the glow of composition had departed&mdash;he had to leave many
+places untouched which he would fain have altered; and even where he did
+make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the
+better or the worse.</p>
+
+<p>After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong
+desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest
+affection; not merely because it was his native city, but because he
+really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return
+he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literary
+reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertisements,
+petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import; and, although he
+never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the <a name='Page_21'></a>credit of writing
+innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and
+all sides of the question, in all which he was clearly detected &quot;by his
+style.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the postoffice, in
+consequence of the numerous letter he received from authors and printers
+soliciting his subscription&mdash;and he was applied to by every charitable
+society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering
+these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great
+corporation dinner; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at
+the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that he
+could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the
+city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted; but
+several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usual
+rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little
+boys at play have been known to cry, &quot;There goes Diedrich!&quot; at which the
+old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations
+in the light of the praise of posterity.</p>
+
+<p>In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and
+distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium, passed on his in the
+Portfolio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much
+overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days) it must be confessed
+that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or
+have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality.</p>
+
+<p>After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence
+at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the
+family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor.
+It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes
+beyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed, to be occasionally over-flowed,
+<a name='Page_22'></a>and much infested, in the summer-time, with mosquitoes; but otherwise
+very agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes.</p>
+
+<p>Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of
+a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end
+approaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his
+fortune to the New York Historical Society; his Heidelberg Catechism and
+Vander Donck's work to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr.
+Handaside. He forgave all his enemies&mdash;that is to say, all that bore any
+enmity towards him; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will to
+all the world. And, after dictating several kind messages, to his
+relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial
+Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian.</p>
+
+<p>His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's
+Churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; and
+it is rumored that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a
+wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='TO_THE_PUBLIC'></a><h2><a name='Page_23'></a>TO THE PUBLIC.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>&quot;To rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a
+just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our
+Dutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York,
+produces this historical essay.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_1'></a><a href='#Footnote_1'><sup>[1]</sup></a> Like the great Father of History,
+whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the
+twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night of
+forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude had I
+long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually
+slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and
+day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I,
+and those revered Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of
+good old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children,
+engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the
+present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past,
+and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the
+Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and
+even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and
+Peter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus
+and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Boulogne.</p>
+
+<p>Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I
+industriously set myself to work to gather together all the fragments of
+our <a name='Page_24'></a>ancient history which still existed; and, like my revered prototype,
+Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored to
+continue the chain of history by well-authenticated traditions.</p>
+<br />
+
+<p>In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long
+and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have
+consulted, and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though
+such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country,
+there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the
+early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch Governors. I have,
+however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate
+manuscript, written in exceeding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting a
+few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the
+Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I
+likewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumber
+garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens; and I have gathered a host of
+well-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my
+acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor
+must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that
+admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society,
+to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments.</p>
+
+<p>In the conduct, of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual
+model, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining
+and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians.
+Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the
+strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it,
+after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies,
+drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it <a name='Page_25'></a>with
+profound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the
+graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity,
+the grandeur and magnificence of Livy.</p>
+
+<p>I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and
+judicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive
+manner of my favorite Herodotus. And, to be candid, I have found it
+impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes,
+which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the
+historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his
+wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed my
+staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so
+that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation.</p>
+
+<p>Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival
+Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the
+loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded
+have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This
+difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated
+in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions
+in these best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy,
+with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement.</p>
+
+<p>But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for future
+regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this
+invaluable little work; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis,
+and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and
+choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to
+captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface
+of literature; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the
+pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have <a name='Page_26'></a>availed myself of the
+obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a
+thousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithy
+tale and marvelous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence
+might be enthralled; jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and
+dignity which should ever distinguish the historian. &quot;For a writer of this
+class,&quot; observes an elegant critic, &quot;must sustain the character of a wise
+man writing for the instruction of posterity; one who has studied to
+inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and addresses
+himself to our judgment rather than to our imagination.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in having incidents
+worthy of swelling the theme of history; and doubly thrice happy is it in
+having such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle
+reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are
+nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their
+prosperity as they rise&mdash;who blazons forth the splendor of their noontide
+meridian&mdash;who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay&mdash;who
+gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot&mdash;and who piously,
+at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and rears
+a triumphant monument to transmit their renown to all succeeding ages.</p>
+
+<p>What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless
+ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless
+inquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence&mdash;they have
+perished from remembrance for want of a historian! The philanthropist may
+weep over their desolation&mdash;the poet may wander among their mouldering
+arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of his
+fancy&mdash;but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is
+doomed to confine itself to dull matter <a name='Page_27'></a>of fact, seeks in vain among
+their oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructive
+tale of their glory and their ruin.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;Wars, conflagrations, deluges,&quot; says Aristotle, &quot;destroy nations, and
+with them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The
+torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled&mdash;a few
+individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of
+generations.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will
+happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which
+now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for
+recording their history is gone by: their origin, their foundation,
+together with the early stages of their settlement, are for ever buried in
+the rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fair
+portion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very
+nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about
+entering into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion&mdash;if I had not
+dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's
+adamantine fangs were closing upon them for ever! And here have I, as
+before observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip
+and scrap, &quot;<i>punt en punt, gat en gat</i>,&quot; and commenced in this little
+work, a history to serve as a foundation on which other historians may
+hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until
+Knickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's Rome, or
+Hume and Smollett's England!</p>
+
+<p>And now indulge me for a moment: while I lay down my pen, skip to some
+little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead; and,
+casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll
+between, discover myself&mdash;little I&mdash;at this moment the progenitor,
+prototype, and <a name='Page_28'></a>precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of
+literary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back,
+pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality.</p>
+
+<p>Such are the vain-glorious misgivings that will now and then enter into
+the brain of the author&mdash;that irradiate, as with celestial light, his
+solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to
+persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these
+rhapsodies whenever they have occurred; not, I trust, from an unusual
+spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea
+how an author thinks and feels while he is writing&mdash;a kind of knowledge
+very rare and curious, and much to be desired.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_1'></a><a href='#FNanchor_1'>[1]</a><div class='note'><p> Beloe's Herodotus.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_I'></a><h2><a name='Page_29'></a><i>BOOK I.</i></h2>
+<br />
+
+<center>CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULATIONS,
+CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.</center>
+
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>According to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge,
+opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of
+infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid,
+curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginary
+poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the center; thus
+forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal
+revolution.</p>
+
+<p>The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of
+day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively
+presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The
+latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts a
+luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this world
+is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by
+a centripetal or attractive force; otherwise called the attraction of
+gravitation; the combination, or rather the counteraction, of these two
+opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution. Hence result
+the different seasons of the year&mdash;viz., spring, summer, autumn, and
+winter.</p><a name='Page_30'></a>
+
+<p>This I believe to be the most approved modern theory on the subject;
+though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different
+opinions; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great
+antiquity and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by some of the
+ancient sages that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast
+pillars; and by others that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back
+of a huge tortoise; but as they did not provide a resting place for either
+the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground for want
+of proper foundation.</p>
+
+<p>The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and
+moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by
+day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations
+during the night;<a name='FNanchor_2'></a><a href='#Footnote_2'><sup>[2]</sup></a> while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a
+vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of mild, nectar, and other delicious
+liquids; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the
+center by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragon
+occasionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena of
+lunar eclipses.<a name='FNanchor_3'></a><a href='#Footnote_3'><sup>[3]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound
+conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of
+Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud el-Hadheli, who is commonly
+called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes the humble title of
+Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He
+has written a universal history, entitled, &quot;Mouroudge-ed-dharab or the
+Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_4'></a><a href='#Footnote_4'><sup>[4]</sup></a> In this valuable work
+he has related the history of the world, from the creation down to the
+<a name='Page_31'></a>moment of writing; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the
+month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of the
+Prophet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina
+constitute the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the
+left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us moreover, that an earth has
+existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000
+years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the
+opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance; it will be
+renovated every seventy thousandth hazarouam; each hazarouam consisting of
+12,000 years.</p>
+
+<p>These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers
+concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal
+perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers
+have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire;<a name='FNanchor_5'></a><a href='#Footnote_5'><sup>[5]</sup></a> others that it
+is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal;<a name='FNanchor_6'></a><a href='#Footnote_6'><sup>[6]</sup></a> and a third class,
+at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was nothing but
+a huge ignited mass of iron or stone&mdash;indeed he declared the heavens to be
+merely a vault of stone&mdash;and that the stars were stones whirled upward
+from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.<a name='FNanchor_7'></a><a href='#Footnote_7'><sup>[7]</sup></a> But
+I give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher, the people
+of Athens having fully refuted them by banishing him from their city; a
+concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former
+days. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fiery
+particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in a
+single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, <a name='Page_32'></a>but being
+scattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in various
+points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished,
+not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of
+exhalations for the next occasion.<a name='FNanchor_8'></a><a href='#Footnote_8'><sup>[8]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods, in
+consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completely burnt
+out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy
+circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heraclitus, that
+worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various
+speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel that the sun is a
+magnificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certain
+empyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swimming in its transparent
+atmosphere.<a name='FNanchor_9'></a><a href='#Footnote_9'><sup>[9]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>But we will not enter further at present into the nature of the sun, that
+being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this
+history; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless
+disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content
+ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, and
+will proceed to illustrate by experiment the complexity of motion therein
+described to this our rotatory planet.</p>
+
+<p>Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered
+into English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profound
+gravity of deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of
+examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who thereby
+worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the
+course of one of his lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket of
+water swung it <a name='Page_33'></a>around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he
+threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his
+arm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a
+substitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the
+globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed
+no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly
+explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them,
+moreover, that the same principle of gravitation which retained the water
+in the bucket restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid
+revolutions; and he farther informed them that should the motion of the
+earth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into the sun,
+through the centripetal force of gravitation: a most ruinous event to this
+planet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably would
+not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those
+vagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men
+of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the
+experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the moment
+that the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
+astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor of
+youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the
+theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket
+perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von
+Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with
+unutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvelously edified,
+and departed considerably wiser than before.</p>
+
+<p>It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a
+painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most
+profound and elaborate efforts; so that often after having invented <a name='Page_34'></a>one
+of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the
+perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly
+contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited
+grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearned
+entirely upon the philosopher; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to
+his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of
+Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is
+continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take
+pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned
+and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the
+foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears
+that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its
+antagonist remains in undiminished potency: the world, therefore,
+according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety
+to tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do so,
+and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prognostics.
+But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her course, not
+withstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university of
+learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in
+very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight
+and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world had not a
+good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the
+parties, and effected a reconciliation.</p>
+
+<p>Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely
+determined to accommodate the theory to the world; he therefore informed
+his brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round the
+sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described
+than it became a regular revolution independent of the cause which gave it
+origin. His learned brethren <a name='Page_35'></a>readily joined in the opinion, being
+heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from
+their embarrassment; and ever since that memorable era the world has been
+left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit
+as she thinks proper.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_2'></a><a href='#FNanchor_2'>[2]</a><div class='note'><p> Faria y Souza: Mick. Lus. note b. 7.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_3'></a><a href='#FNanchor_3'>[3]</a><div class='note'><p> Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_4'></a><a href='#FNanchor_4'>[4]</a><div class='note'><p> MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_5'></a><a href='#FNanchor_5'>[5]</a><div class='note'><p> Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib. ii. cap. 20</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_6'></a><a href='#FNanchor_6'>[6]</a><div class='note'><p> Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19; Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81; Stob.
+Eclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56; Plut. de Plac. Philos.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_7'></a><a href='#FNanchor_7'>[7]</a><div class='note'><p> Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8; Plat Apol. t. i.
+p. 26; Plut. de Plac. Philos; Xenoph. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_8'></a><a href='#FNanchor_8'>[8]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2; Idem. Probl. sec. 15; Stob.
+Ecl. Phys. 1. i. p. 55; Bruck. Hist. Phil, t. i. p. 1154, etc.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_9'></a><a href='#FNanchor_9'>[9]</a><div class='note'><p> Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72; Idem. 1801, p. 265; Nich. Philos.
+Journ. i. p. 13.</p></div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some
+idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from
+whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of
+these points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this
+world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned
+island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an
+existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I
+should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe.</p>
+
+<p>And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a
+chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was
+perplexed withal; therefore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts,
+and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the
+left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, or
+have their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which will
+be flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolent
+or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had
+better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of some
+smoother chapter.</p>
+
+<p>Of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts;
+and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation,
+yet <a name='Page_36'></a>every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a
+better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice their
+several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and
+instructed.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the
+whole system of the universe was the Deity himself;<a name='FNanchor_10'></a><a href='#Footnote_10'><sup>[10]</sup></a> a doctrine most
+strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, as
+also by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythagoras
+likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and
+triad; and by means of his sacred quaternary, elucidated the formation of
+the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and
+morals.<a name='FNanchor_11'></a><a href='#Footnote_11'><sup>[11]</sup></a> Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and
+triangles; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, the
+octahedron, the icosahedron, and the dodecahedron.<a name='FNanchor_12'></a><a href='#Footnote_12'><sup>[12]</sup></a> While others
+advocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction of
+our globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four material
+elements, air, earth, fire, and water; with the assistance of a fifth, an
+immaterial and vivifying principle.</p>
+
+<p>Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus
+before the siege of Troy; revived by Democritus of laughing memory;
+improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows; and modernized by the
+fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of which
+the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent; whether they are
+animate or inanimate; whether, agreeably, to the opinion of Atheists, they
+were fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, <a name='Page_37'></a>were arranged
+by a supreme intelligence.<a name='FNanchor_13'></a><a href='#Footnote_13'><sup>[13]</sup></a> Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate
+clod, or whether it be animated by a soul,<a name='FNanchor_14'></a><a href='#Footnote_14'><sup>[14]</sup></a> which opinion was
+strenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom
+stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of
+philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine
+of Platonic love&mdash;an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better
+adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis than
+to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, which
+populates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit.</p>
+
+<p>Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old
+Hesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode of
+procreation; and the plausible opinion of others, that the earth was
+hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and was
+cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last
+doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,<a name='FNanchor_15'></a><a href='#Footnote_15'><sup>[15]</sup></a> has favored us with an
+accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this
+mundane egg, which is found to bear a marvelous resemblance to that of a
+goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this
+our planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of
+antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latins
+have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that
+their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and
+inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day.</p>
+
+<p>But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems <a name='Page_38'></a>of ancient sages, let
+me not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers, which, though
+less universal than renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal
+chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins in the pages
+of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo transformed himself into
+a great boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on
+his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise and a mighty snake; and
+Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he
+placed the earth upon the head of the snake.<a name='FNanchor_16'></a><a href='#Footnote_16'><sup>[16]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>The negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by the
+hands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Being
+constructed himself that it might be supremely excellent. And he took
+great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful;
+and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and
+smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his
+descendants, became flat.</p>
+
+<p>The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down from
+heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place
+was covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise,
+paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it
+finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.<a name='FNanchor_17'></a><a href='#Footnote_17'><sup>[17]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish
+philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their
+erudition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my
+readers can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more
+intelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors.</p><a name='Page_39'></a>
+
+<p>And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that this
+globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of
+the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the
+collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross
+vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted,
+according to their densities, earth, water, and air, which gradually
+arranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round the
+burning or vitrified mass that formed their center.</p>
+
+<p>Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were
+universally paramount; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the
+earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and
+mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other
+words, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing that
+of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a
+fountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of
+tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and
+thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before half
+the hideous task was accomplished.</p>
+
+<p>Whistorn, the same ingenious philosopher who rivaled Ditton in his
+researches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swift
+discharged on their heads a most savory stanza), has distinguished himself
+by a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it
+was originally a chaotic comet, which, being selected for the abode of
+man, was removed from its eccentric orbit; and whirled round the sun in
+its present regular motion; by which change of direction, order succeeded
+to confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The philosopher
+adds that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery
+tail of another comet; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved
+condition; thus furnishing <a name='Page_40'></a>a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevail
+even among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial
+harmony of the spheres so melodiously sung by the poets.</p>
+
+<p>But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of
+Burnet, and Woodward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my time
+will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve; and shall
+conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is
+as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulity
+as serious research, and who has recommended himself wonderfully to the
+good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries,
+amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora,
+has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According
+to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode,
+like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded the sun&mdash;which, in
+its flight, by a similar convulsion, exploded the earth, which in like
+guise exploded the moon&mdash;and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, the
+whole solar system was produced, and set most systematically in
+motion!<a name='FNanchor_18'></a><a href='#Footnote_18'><sup>[18]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if
+thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its
+parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude that the
+creation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined.
+I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could
+be constructed; and I have no doubt that had any of the philosophers above
+quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical
+warehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to manufacture, a planet
+as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we
+inhabit.</p><a name='Page_41'></a>
+
+<p>And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence in creating
+comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their
+assistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the
+system of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the
+wonder-working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in his
+theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds,
+and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has
+but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and away he
+gallops in triumph like an enchanter on his hippogriff, or a Connecticut
+witch on her broomstick, &quot;to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>It is an old and vulgar saying about a &quot;beggar on horseback&quot; which I would
+not for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers; but I must
+confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery
+steeds, are as wild in their curvettings as was Phaeton of yore, when he
+aspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus. One drives his comet at full
+speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mighty
+concussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of
+burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and faggots; a third, of
+more combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet like a
+bombshell into the world, and blow it up like a powder magazine; while a
+fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants,
+insinuates that some day or other his comet&mdash;my modest pen blushes while I
+write it&mdash;shall absolutely turn tail upon our world and deluge it with
+water! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully
+provided by Providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them in
+manufacturing theories.</p>
+
+<p>And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur
+to my recollection, I <a name='Page_42'></a>leave my judicious readers at full liberty to
+choose among them. They are all serious speculations of learned men&mdash;all
+differ essentially from each other&mdash;and all have the same title to belief.
+It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the
+works of their predecessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in their
+stead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles
+of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius,
+of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errors
+and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and
+absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories
+are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of science
+amuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid
+admiration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom!
+Surely Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a
+soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally
+incomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be found
+not worthy the trouble of discovery.</p>
+
+<p>For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement among
+themselves, I shall content myself with the account handed down to us by
+Moses; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors of
+Connecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colony
+should be governed by the laws of God&mdash;until they had time to make better.</p>
+
+<p>One thing, however, appears certain&mdash;from the unanimous authority of the
+before quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of our own senses
+(which, though very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted as
+additional testimony)&mdash;it appears, I say, and I make the assertion
+deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was
+created, and that it is composed of land <a name='Page_43'></a>and water. It further appears
+that it is curiously divided and parceled out into continents and islands,
+among which I boldly declare the renowned island of New York will be found
+by any one who seeks for it in its proper place.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_10'></a><a href='#FNanchor_10'>[10]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. ap, Cic. lib. i. cap. 3.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_11'></a><a href='#FNanchor_11'>[11]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5.; Idem, de Coelo, 1. iii, c.
+I; Rousseau mem. sur Musique ancien. p. 39; Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib.
+i. cap. 3.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_12'></a><a href='#FNanchor_12'>[12]</a><div class='note'><p> Tim. Locr. ap. Plato. t. iii. p. 90.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_13'></a><a href='#FNanchor_13'>[13]</a><div class='note'><p> Aristot. Nat. Auscult. I. ii. cap. 6; Aristoph. Metaph. lib.
+i. cap. 3; Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10; Justin Mart. orat. ad gent.
+p. 20.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_14'></a><a href='#FNanchor_14'>[14]</a><div class='note'><p> Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4; Tim. de anim. mund. ap.
+Plat. lib. iii.; Mem. de l'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. p. 19.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_15'></a><a href='#FNanchor_15'>[15]</a><div class='note'><p> Book i. ch. 5.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_16'></a><a href='#FNanchor_16'>[16]</a><div class='note'><p> Holwell, Gent. Philosophy.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_17'></a><a href='#FNanchor_17'>[17]</a><div class='note'><p> Johannes Megapolensis. Jun. Account of Maquaas or Mohawk
+Indians.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_18'></a><a href='#FNanchor_18'>[18]</a><div class='note'><p> Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. cant. i. 1. 105.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat three sons, Shem,
+Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting who affirm that the
+patriarch had a number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him father of
+the gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus
+(who was the first inventor of Johnny cakes); and others have mentioned a
+son, named Thuiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or, in
+other words, the Dutch nation.</p>
+
+<p>I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to
+gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating minutely
+the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would be
+attended with more trouble than many people would imagine; for the good
+old patriarch seems to have been a great traveler in his day, and to have
+passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The
+Chaldeans, for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name into
+Xisuthrus&mdash;a trivial alteration, which to an historian skilled in
+etymologies will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, likewise, that he
+had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the
+gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals.
+The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu;
+the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges; and the Theban with
+Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most
+extensive and <a name='Page_44'></a>authentic historians, inasmuch as they have known the world
+much longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi;
+and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is that it is a
+fact, admitted by the most enlightened <i>literati</i>, that Noah traveled into
+China, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to
+improve himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shuckford
+gives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain on
+the frontiers of China.</p>
+
+<p>From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses many
+satisfactory deductions might be drawn; but I shall content myself with
+the simple fact stated in the Bible&mdash;viz., that Noah begat three sons,
+Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure
+contingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the
+most distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitably
+consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover
+these mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest triumph of his skill
+to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation, which at first
+sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my
+readers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can
+possibly have with this history; and many will stare when informed that
+the whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character and
+course from the simplest circumstance of the patriarch's having but three
+sons&mdash;but to explain.</p>
+
+<p>Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole
+surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee simple, after the
+deluge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children.
+To Shem he gave Asia; to Ham, Africa; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a
+thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there
+been a fourth he would doubtless have inherited<a name='Page_45'></a> America, which, of
+course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion;
+and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been
+spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first
+discovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having provided
+for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as mere
+wild unsettled land, and said nothing about it; and to this unpardonable
+taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America
+did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe.</p>
+
+<p>It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards
+posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was
+the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that
+ponderosity of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to his
+nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the
+globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion
+for the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious and
+enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his
+aversion to the marvelous, common to all great travelers, is conclusively
+of the same opinion; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the
+manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under
+the immediate direction of the great Noah. &quot;I have already observed,&quot;
+exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, &quot;that it is
+an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to
+penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect,
+I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously
+believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and
+that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a ship
+which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals
+and quicksands to guard against, <a name='Page_46'></a>should be ignorant of, or should not
+have communicates to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean?
+Therefore, they did sail on the ocean&mdash;therefore, they sailed to
+America&mdash;therefore, America was discovered by Noah!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly
+characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather
+than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it
+a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained
+the thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am
+inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the
+worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of
+more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate
+historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of
+antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are
+particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the
+ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravely
+give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far
+more copious and accurate than the Bible; and that, in the course of
+another century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among
+historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of
+Robinson Crusoe.</p>
+
+<p>I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional
+suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first
+discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overload
+themselves in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous
+world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling,
+and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works,
+which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of
+straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established
+the fact, to the satisfaction of all the <a name='Page_47'></a>world, that this country has
+been discovered I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be
+extremely brief upon this point.</p>
+
+<p>I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was first
+discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet,
+which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that
+Carthaginian expedition which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discovered
+the Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony from
+Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether
+it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness
+advances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron; nor be Behem the
+German navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savants of
+the learned city of Philadelphia.</p>
+
+<p>Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on
+the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who, having never
+returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to
+America, and that for a plain reason if he did not go there, where else
+could he have gone?&mdash;a question which most Socratically shuts out all
+further dispute.</p>
+
+<p>Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a
+multitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the
+vulgar opinion that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492,
+by Christopher Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus,
+but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of
+this Colon I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently
+known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been
+called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture
+them to myself, all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of
+<a name='Page_48'></a>promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into
+their possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of a
+regular bred historian! No&mdash;no&mdash;most curious and thrice-learned readers
+(for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and
+nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we have
+yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this
+fair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a
+country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might
+revel at their ease? No such thing. They had forests to cut down,
+underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In
+like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and
+paradoxes to explain before I permit you to range at random; but these
+difficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily
+through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the
+nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been
+found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense&mdash;this being an
+improvement in history which I claim the merit of having invented.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history
+is to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled&mdash;a
+point fruitful of incredible embarrassments; for unless we prove that the
+aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately
+asserted in this age of scepticism, that they did not come at all; and if
+they did not come at all, then was this country never populated&mdash;a
+conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly
+irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must
+syllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populous
+region.</p><a name='Page_49'></a>
+
+<p>To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so
+many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been
+plundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained! and how many
+capacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for ever
+confounded! I pause with reverential awe when I contemplate the ponderous
+tomes in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve
+this question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involved
+in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged
+in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and, after leading us a
+weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the
+end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless
+some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet
+Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematises most
+heartily as &quot;an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry about
+unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and
+to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done.&quot; But to proceed.</p>
+
+<p>Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this
+country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my
+last chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of
+Abraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), when he first
+discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with a
+shrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had found
+the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing
+the temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remains
+of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the
+precious ore.</p>
+
+<p>So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was
+too tempting not to be <a name='Page_50'></a>immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of
+learning; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to
+swear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities
+and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robert Stephens
+declared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the least
+hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early
+settlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, and several other
+sagacious writers lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras,
+which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of an
+arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability.</p>
+
+<p>Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure when in
+trudges a phalanx of opposite authors with Hans de Laet, the great
+Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about
+their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claims
+to the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocal
+symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to
+be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who has
+always effected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. &quot;A remark,&quot;
+says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, &quot;made by all good authors who have
+spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, besides,
+on the authority of the fathers of the church.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled to
+mention Lopez de Gomara and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites,
+being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a
+panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take
+breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither
+their national language, manners, nor features with them it is supposed
+they left them <a name='Page_51'></a>behind in the hurry of their flight. I cannot give my
+faith to this opinion.</p>
+
+<p>I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, who being both an
+ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, that
+North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that
+Peru was founded by a colony from China&mdash;Manco or Mungo Capac, the first
+Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely mention that
+Father Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians,
+Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a
+skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celt&aelig;, Marinocus the Sicilian
+to the Romans, Le Comte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martin
+d'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De Laet,
+that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor.</p>
+
+<p>Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is
+the fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveler Marco
+Polo the Venetian; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis,
+described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish
+assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally
+furnished with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion of Dr.
+Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the
+Indian race; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin,
+so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is
+accidentally descended foam a remarkable family of monkeys!</p>
+
+<p>This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very
+ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing
+in stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once
+electrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders.
+Little did<a name='Page_52'></a> I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to be
+treated with equal discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholding
+these grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transformations of the
+hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and
+with one hypocritical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determined
+from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories,
+but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they
+transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to
+this great field of theoretical warfare.</p>
+
+<p>This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water.
+Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first by the
+north of Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by regions
+southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his
+Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea,
+through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; and various
+writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for the
+accommodation of these travelers, have fastened the two continents
+together by a strong chain of deductions&mdash;by which means they could pass
+over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious old
+gentleman, who compiles books and manufactures geographies, has
+constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the
+distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits-for which he is
+entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever
+did or ever will pass over it.</p>
+
+<p>It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above
+quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring
+hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In
+this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird,
+which, in <a name='Page_53'></a>building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all
+the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to
+impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle
+productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care
+that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack
+each other.</p>
+
+<p>My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one
+has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon&mdash;or
+that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white
+bears cruise about the northern oceans&mdash;or that they were conveyed hither
+by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais&mdash;or by
+witchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars&mdash;or after the manner of
+the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on
+full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of a
+golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo.</p>
+
+<p>But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been
+peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth
+all the rest; it is&mdash;by accident! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New
+Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes: &quot;In
+fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been
+so by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it
+not have been at the same time, and by the same means, with the other
+parts of the globe?&quot; This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions
+from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves
+the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world
+without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the
+dexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the
+gordian knot&mdash;&quot;Nothing,&quot; says he, &quot;is more easy. The inhabitants <a name='Page_54'></a>of both
+hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common
+father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the
+world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it was
+necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been
+overcome!&quot; Pious logician! how does he put all the herd of laborious
+theorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what it has cost them
+volumes to prove they knew nothing about!</p>
+
+<p>From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have
+consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned
+reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however,
+are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has
+actually been peopled (Q.E.D.) to support which we have living proofs in
+the numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has been
+peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors,
+who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been
+eye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this country had a
+variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit
+by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better.
+The question, therefore, I trust, is for ever at rest.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='I_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an
+adventurous knight, who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of
+establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry to turn back for
+no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy
+he may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and
+fall to with might and main at those doughty questions and subtle
+paradoxes which, like <a name='Page_55'></a>fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance
+to my history, and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And at
+this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by
+the beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in my
+historic undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall
+have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to
+conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work.</p>
+
+<p>The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first
+discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country without
+first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate
+compensation for their territory?&mdash;a question which has withstood many
+fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of
+kind-hearted folk. And, indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to
+rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they
+inhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied conscience.</p>
+
+<p>The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is
+discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which has
+never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an
+uninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered as
+enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.<a name='FNanchor_19'></a><a href='#Footnote_19'><sup>[19]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that the Europeans who
+first visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing being
+necessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it
+was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point
+of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world
+abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had
+something of the <a name='Page_56'></a>human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible
+sounds, very much like language; in short, had a marvelous resemblance to
+human beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the
+discoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by
+establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this
+point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the Pope and of all
+Christian voyagers and discoverers.</p>
+
+<p>They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian writers arose on the
+other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established,
+that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals,
+detestable monsters, and many of them giants&mdash;which last description of
+vagrants have, since the time of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered
+as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or
+song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to be
+people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous
+custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh.</p>
+
+<p>Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism; among many other
+writers of discernment, Ulla tells us, &quot;their imbecility is so visible
+that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of
+the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally
+insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as
+contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no
+impression on them, and respect as little.&quot; All this is furthermore
+supported by the authority of M. Boggier. &quot;It is not easy,&quot; says he, &quot;to
+describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its
+advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when
+one would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money;
+they answer they are not hungry.&quot; And Vane gas confirms the <a name='Page_57'></a>whole,
+assuring us that &quot;ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being
+thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us&mdash;honor, fame,
+reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions&mdash;are unknown among them. So
+that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good and
+real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy
+mortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason is
+not completed.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlightened states of
+Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as
+having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere
+talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sages
+and philosophers; yet were they clearly proved in the present instance to
+betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human
+character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these
+unhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument, advanced still
+stronger proofs; for as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and
+among the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and have no beards!
+&quot;They have nothing,&quot; says Lullus, &quot;of the reasonable animal, except the
+mask.&quot; And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was
+soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion&mdash;and being of a
+copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes&mdash;and
+negroes are black, &quot;and black,&quot; said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing
+themselves, &quot;is the color of the devil!&quot; Therefore, so far from being able
+to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom&mdash;for liberty
+is too radiant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which
+circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and
+Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they
+infested&mdash;that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless,
+<a name='Page_58'></a>black-seed&mdash;mere wild beasts of the forests and, like them, should either
+be subdued or exterminated.</p>
+
+<p>From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally
+conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this
+fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling
+wilderness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts; and that the
+transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein, by
+the right of discovery.</p>
+
+<p>This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the
+right acquired by cultivation. &quot;The cultivation of the soil,&quot; we are told,
+&quot;is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is
+appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants; but it would be
+incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged
+by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share.
+Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having
+fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by
+rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as
+savage and pernicious beasts.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_20'></a><a href='#Footnote_20'><sup>[20]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture when
+first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly,
+unrighteous life, rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting
+upon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to
+yield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown
+that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured,
+and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country seats, and
+pleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothing
+about&mdash;therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence <a name='Page_59'></a>had
+bestowed on them&mdash;therefore they were careless stewards&mdash;therefore, they
+had no right to the soil&mdash;therefore, they deserved to be exterminated.</p>
+
+<p>It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from
+the land which their simple wants required&mdash;they found plenty of game to
+hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth,
+furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that as
+Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wants
+of man, so long as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven was
+accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the
+blessings around them&mdash;they were so much the more savages for not having
+more wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and it
+is this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires that
+distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having
+more wants, were very unreasonable animals; and it was but just that they
+should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one,
+and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating
+it more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides&mdash;Grotius and Lauterbach,
+and Puffendorf, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered
+the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot
+be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it&mdash;nothing but
+precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can
+establish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never having
+read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these
+necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil,
+but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had
+more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial,
+desires than themselves.</p><a name='Page_60'></a>
+
+<p>In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated country, therefore, the
+new comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid
+doctrine, was their own property&mdash;therefore in opposing them, the savages
+were invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature,
+and counteracting the will of Heaven&mdash;therefore, they were guilty of
+impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case&mdash;therefore, they were hardened
+offenders against God and man&mdash;therefore, they ought to be exterminated.</p>
+
+<p>But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one
+which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be
+blessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired by
+civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor
+savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, what
+is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of
+their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe
+behold their sad condition than they immediately went to work to
+ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy,
+and the other comforts of life&mdash;and it is astonishing to read how soon the
+poor savages learn to estimate those blessings&mdash;they likewise made known
+to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are
+alleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits and
+enjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced among
+them the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By these and a
+variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages
+wonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had
+before been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has most
+wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race
+of beings.</p>
+
+<p>But the most important branch of civilization, <a name='Page_61'></a>and which has most
+strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Roman
+Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight
+that might well inspire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among the
+dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of
+religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober,
+frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but though they acted right
+habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new
+comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and
+practice the true religion&mdash;except, indeed, that of setting them the
+example.</p>
+
+<p>But not withstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was
+the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they
+ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors,
+and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate;
+most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, the advocates of
+Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too
+much for human patience? Would not one suppose that the benign visitants
+from Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their
+stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores, and
+consigned them to their original ignorance and misery? But no: so zealous
+were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these
+pagan infidels that they even proceeded from the milder means of
+persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution&mdash;let
+loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious
+bloodhounds&mdash;purified them by fire and sword, by stake and faggot; in
+consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love
+and charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one fifth of
+the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found there
+at the time of its discovery.</p><a name='Page_62'></a>
+
+<p>What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country than
+this? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted
+with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of which they
+were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and
+smoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, and
+absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the
+vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage
+their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; and
+have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on
+things above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father,
+in a letter to his superior in Spain: &quot;Can any one have the presumption to
+say that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than an
+inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a
+little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a
+glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Here then are three complete and undeniable sources of right established,
+any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the
+newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain
+parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discovery
+has been so strenuously asserted&mdash;the influence of cultivation so
+industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so
+zealously persecuted; that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions,
+oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the
+skirts of great benefits&mdash;the savage aborigines have, somehow or other,
+been utterly annihilated&mdash;and this all at once brings me to a fourth
+right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original
+claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to
+inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as <a name='Page_63'></a>the next immediate
+occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds
+to the clothes of the malefactor&mdash;and as they have Blackstone<a name='FNanchor_21'></a><a href='#Footnote_21'><sup>[21]</sup></a> and all
+the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions
+of ejectment at defiance&mdash;and this last right may be entitled the right by
+extermination, or in other words, the right by gunpowder.</p>
+
+<p>But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to
+settle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI.
+issued a mighty Bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered
+quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese; who, thus having law
+and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal,
+showed the pagan savages neither favor nor affection, but persecuted the
+work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten
+times more fury than ever.</p>
+
+<p>Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly
+entitled to the soil, and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to
+the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far,
+endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains,
+for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and
+heathenish condition; for having made them acquainted with the comforts of
+life; for having introduced among them the light of religion; and,
+finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward!</p>
+
+<p>But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when
+it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this
+question should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case,
+by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers.</p>
+
+<p>Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the <a name='Page_64'></a>moon, by astonishing
+advancement in science, and by profound insight into that ineffable lunar
+philosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the
+feebled optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our
+globe&mdash;let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by these
+means, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviable
+state of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate the
+boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring
+philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the
+stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg
+my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too
+frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave
+speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein
+at present; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may
+deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and
+many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares and
+contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have
+I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were most
+probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon
+discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in
+the air or cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and
+incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigating
+floating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages. We
+have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our
+planet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their
+sea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerial
+vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that
+between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their
+discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations;
+<a name='Page_65'></a>but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my
+reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his
+attentive consideration.</p>
+
+<p>To return, then, to my supposition&mdash;let us suppose that the aerial
+visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to
+ourselves&mdash;that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of
+extermination&mdash;riding on hippogriffs&mdash;defended with impenetrable
+armor&mdash;armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines,
+to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity
+will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and
+consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they
+first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only our
+self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poor
+savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the
+terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly
+convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous,
+powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment the
+lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or
+even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic.</p>
+
+<p>Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet to
+be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wild
+beasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his most
+gracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding however
+that their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, on
+account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our
+worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty
+Bonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their native
+planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian <a name='Page_66'></a>chiefs led about as
+spectacles in the courts of Europe.</p>
+
+<p>Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they
+shall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I can
+conjecture, the following terms:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&quot;Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
+can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
+and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
+thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
+course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
+dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
+monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
+important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
+totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
+everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
+heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms&mdash;have two eyes
+instead of one&mdash;are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
+unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
+pea-green.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the
+utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own
+wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community
+of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers
+of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy
+among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians.
+Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary
+wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to
+introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We
+have treated them to mouthfuls of <a name='Page_67'></a>moonshine, and draughts of nitrous
+oxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the
+females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts
+of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the
+contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the
+profound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable,
+immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these
+wretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and
+adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublime
+doctrines of the moon&mdash;nay, among other abominable heresies they even went
+so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of
+nothing more nor less than green cheese!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very profound
+philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal
+authority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilome his
+holiness the Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying,
+&quot;That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and taken
+possession of a newly-discovered planet called the earth; and that whereas
+it is inhabited by none but a race of two-legged animals that carry their
+heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms; cannot talk the
+Lunatic language; have two eyes instead of one; are destitute of tails,
+and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green&mdash;therefore, and for a
+variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of
+possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title
+to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, the
+colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are
+authorised and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel
+savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and
+absolute Lunatics.&quot;</p><a name='Page_68'></a>
+
+<p>In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic benefactors go to
+work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us
+from our rightful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we are
+unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say,
+&quot;Miserable barbarians! ungrateful wretches! have we not come thousands of
+miles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you with
+moonshine! have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide? does not our
+moon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to murmur, when
+we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits?&quot; But finding that we not
+only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in
+their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property,
+their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior
+powers of argument; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us with
+concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moonstones; until having
+by main force converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit
+us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of
+Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of
+lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened
+savages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable
+forests of the north, or the impenetrable wilderness of South America.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly illustrated, the right
+of the early colonists to the possession of this country; and thus is this
+gigantic question completely vanquished: so having manfully surmounted all
+obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should
+forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a
+manner besieging? But hold: before I proceed another step I must pause to
+take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in
+preparing to begin this most <a name='Page_69'></a>accurate of histories. And in this I do but
+imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a
+start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having
+run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself
+quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his
+leisure.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_19'></a><a href='#FNanchor_19'>[19]</a><div class='note'><p> Grotius: Puffendorf, b. v. c. 4, Vattel, b. i. c. 18, etc.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_20'></a><a href='#FNanchor_20'>[20]</a><div class='note'><p> Vattel, b. i. ch. 17.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_21'></a><a href='#FNanchor_21'>[21]</a><div class='note'><p> Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_II'></a><h2><a name='Page_70'></a><i>BOOK II.</i></h2>
+
+<center>TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS.</center>
+
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, when
+employed to build the large stone church at Rotterdam, which stands about
+three hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, and
+which is so conveniently constructed that all the zealous Christians of
+Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church in
+the city&mdash;my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous
+church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; then
+having purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the best
+Virginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three
+months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months
+more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the trekschuit, from Rotterdam
+to Amsterdam&mdash;to Delft&mdash;to Haerlem&mdash;to Leyden&mdash;to the Hague, knocking his
+head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he
+advance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in full
+sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did
+he spend three months longer in walking round it and round it;
+contemplating it, first from one point of view and then from another&mdash;now
+he would be paddled by it on the canal&mdash;now would he peep at it through a
+telescope, from the other side of the Meuse&mdash;and now would he take a
+bird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of those <a name='Page_71'></a>gigantic windmills
+which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on
+the tiptoe of expectation and impatience&mdash;notwithstanding all the turmoil
+of my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen;
+they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that
+its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he
+had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing
+and paddling, and talking and walking&mdash;having traveled over all Holland,
+and even taken a peep into France and Germany&mdash;having smoked five hundred
+and ninety-nine pipes and three hundredweight of the best Virginia
+tobacco&mdash;my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing and
+industrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's business
+sooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair of
+breeches, he advanced sturdily up, and laid the corner-stone of the
+church, in the presence of the whole multitude&mdash;just at the commencement
+of the thirteenth month.</p>
+
+<p>In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full
+before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history.
+The honest Rotterdammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing
+nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world of
+prefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of the
+ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose that
+all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and final
+settlement of America, were totally irrelevant and superfluous&mdash;and that
+the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced
+than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistaken
+in their conjectures. In consequence of going to work slowly and
+deliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one of the
+most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious <a name='Page_72'></a>edifices in the known
+world&mdash;excepting that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it was
+begun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not afford to finish
+more than the wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to
+finish this work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth,
+I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the
+latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the great
+American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small
+subject&mdash;which nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of
+historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story.</p>
+
+<p>In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the
+five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that &quot;worthy and
+irrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called), Master Henry
+Hudson,&quot; set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon,
+being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-west
+passage to China.</p>
+
+<p>Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a
+seafaring man of renown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter
+Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland,
+which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find
+great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short,
+square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and a
+broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its
+fiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe.</p>
+
+<p>He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's
+cocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking
+up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not
+unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hard
+<a name='Page_73'></a>north-westers which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring.</p>
+
+<p>Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so
+little; and I have been thus particular in his description, for the
+benefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him as
+he was; and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make
+him look like a C&aelig;sar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere.</p>
+
+<p>As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose Master Robert
+Juet, of Limehouse, in England. By some his name has been spelt Chewit,
+and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that
+ever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy; more
+especially as certain of his progeny are living at this day, who write
+their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great
+Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in a
+neighboring pond, when they were little boys; from whence, it is said, the
+commodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is
+that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be a unlucky
+urchin prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows.</p>
+
+<p>He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a rambling, heedless
+varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, meeting with more
+perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more
+wise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he comforted himself
+with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim that &quot;it will be
+all the same thing a hundred years hence.&quot; He was skilled in the art of
+carving anchors and true lovers' knot on the bulk-heads and quarter
+railings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of
+his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making <a name='Page_74'></a>a
+wry face at old Hendrick when his back was turned.</p>
+
+<p>To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning
+this voyage, of which he wrote a history, at the request of the commodore,
+who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having received
+so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of
+Master Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I have
+availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my
+great-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of
+cabin-boy.</p>
+
+<p>From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the
+voyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an
+expedition into my work without making any more of it.</p>
+
+<p>Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil&mdash;the crew, being
+a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but little
+troubled with the disease of thinking&mdash;a malady of the mind, which is the
+sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and
+sour-krout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless
+the wind blew. True it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or
+three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus,
+for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and the
+weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch
+seamen as certain weather-breeders, or prognostics, that the weather would
+change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to that
+ancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at
+night, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by which precaution they had a
+good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning,
+and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark.<a name='Page_75'></a> He
+likewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six
+pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert; and no man
+was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as
+is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances,
+though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquillity of
+the honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; they ate hugely,
+drank profusely, and slept immeasurably; and being under the especial
+guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast of
+America; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and
+on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic
+bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York,
+and which had never before been visited by any European.<a name='FNanchor_22'></a><a href='#Footnote_22'><sup>[22]</sup></a></p>
+<a name='Page_76'></a>
+<p>It has been traditionary in our family that when the great navigator was
+first blessed with a view of this enchanting island, he was observed, for
+the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of
+astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to master Juet, and
+uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of
+the new world&mdash;&quot;See! there!&quot;&mdash;and thereupon, as was always his way when he
+was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke
+that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juet
+was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;It was indeed,&quot; as my great-grandfather used to say, though in truth I
+never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born&mdash;&quot;it
+was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled for ever, in ever
+new and never-ending beauties.&quot; The island of Manna-hata spread wide
+before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of
+industrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above
+another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth; some pointing their
+tapering foliage towards the clouds which were gloriously transparent, and
+others loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing their
+branches to the earth that was covered with flowers. On the gentle
+declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, the
+sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms
+glowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foliage; and here
+and there a curling column of smoke rising from the little glens that
+opened along the shore seemed to <a name='Page_77'></a>promise the weary voyagers a welcome at
+the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entranced
+attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers,
+issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonder
+the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver
+lake, sounded the war-whoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer,
+to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard
+such a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives.</p>
+
+<p>Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the
+latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried currants; how they brought great
+store of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and
+how he was buried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider them
+unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order
+to refresh themselves after their seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor,
+to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is
+said, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck; though we
+are assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by John
+Josselyn, gent., that it was called the Mohegan;<a name='FNanchor_23'></a><a href='#Footnote_23'><sup>[23]</sup></a> and Master Richard
+Bloome, who wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same&mdash;so that I very
+much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be
+this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, little
+doubting but it would turn to be the much-looked-for passage to China!</p>
+
+<p>The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew
+and the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would be
+impertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the
+following dry joke, played off by the old <a name='Page_78'></a>commodore and his schoolfellow
+Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy
+that I cannot refrain from inserting it. &quot;Our master and his mate
+determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey whether they had
+any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave
+them so much wine and acqua vit&aelig; that they were all merrie; and one of
+them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countrey
+women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke,
+which had been aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there,
+and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_24'></a><a href='#Footnote_24'><sup>[24]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives
+were an honest, social race of jolly roysterers, who had no objection to
+a drinking bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodore
+chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his
+cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the
+satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University of
+Leyden&mdash;which done, he proceeded on his voyage with great
+self-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the
+river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow
+and confined, the current more rapid and perfectly fresh&mdash;phenomena not
+uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchman
+prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated
+full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's
+running aground&mdash;whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was but
+little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was
+despatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return,
+confirmed the opinion; upon this the ship was warped off and put about
+with great <a name='Page_79'></a>difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to
+govern; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of my
+great-great-grandfather, returned down the river&mdash;with a prodigious flea
+in his ear!</p>
+
+<p>Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China,
+unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a
+fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was
+received with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who were
+very much rejoiced to see him come back safe&mdash;with their ship; and at a
+large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of
+Amsterdam it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward for
+the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had
+made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and it
+continues to be called Hudson River unto this very day.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_22'></a><a href='#FNanchor_22'>[22]</a><div class='note'><p> True it is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a
+certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is to be
+found a letter written to Francis the First, by one Giovanni, or John
+Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this
+delightful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of
+the enterprising Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the countenance
+of certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter disbelief, and
+that for various good and substantial reasons: First, because on strict
+examination it will be found that the description given by this Verazzani
+applies about as well to the bay of New York as it does to my nightcap.
+Secondly, because that this John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to
+feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of Florence, and everybody knows
+the crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched away
+the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly called
+Columbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo
+Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to rob the
+illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this beauteous island,
+adorned by the city of New York, and placing it beside their usurped
+discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I award my decision in favor of
+the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from
+Holland, being truly and absolutely a Dutch enterprise; and though all the
+proofs in the world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at
+nought as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not
+sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is
+they are degenerate descendants from their venerable Dutch ancestors, and
+totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, therefore, the title of
+Hendrick Hudson to his renowned discovery is fully vindicated.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_23'></a><a href='#FNanchor_23'>[23]</a><div class='note'><p> This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as
+Manhattan&mdash;Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_24'></a><a href='#FNanchor_24'>[24]</a><div class='note'><p> Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet of the
+country they had discovered excited not a little talk and speculation
+among the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted by
+Government to an association of merchants, called the West India Company,
+for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected a
+trading-house called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the
+great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and
+colonizing enterprises which took place; among which was that of Mynheer
+Adrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous
+for its cheese&mdash;and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth
+to this renowned city.</p><a name='Page_80'></a>
+
+<p>It was some three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrick
+that a crew of honest Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city of
+Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history,
+and a great proof of the darkness of the age and the lamentable neglect of
+the noble art of book-making, since so industriously cultivated by knowing
+sea-captains and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interesting
+and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my
+great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled
+to give concerning it&mdash;he having once more embarked for this country, with
+a full determination, as he said, of ending his days here&mdash;and of
+begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the
+land.</p>
+
+<p>The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail was called the
+Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the president of
+the West India Company, who was allowed by everybody, except her husband,
+to be a sweet-tempered lady&mdash;when not in liquor. It was in truth a most
+gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the
+ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model
+their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, it
+had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one
+hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the taffrail. Like the
+beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam,
+it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous catheads, a copper
+bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop.</p>
+
+<p>The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decorating
+the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune or Hercules, which
+heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and
+shipwreck of many a noble <a name='Page_81'></a>vessel, he I say, on the contrary, did laudably
+erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low,
+broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that
+reached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the staunch
+ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the
+great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwise
+engaged, rung a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion.</p>
+
+<p>My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly
+prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St.
+Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to
+common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along
+very nearly as fast with the wind a head as when it was a-poop, and was
+particularly great in a calm; in consequence of which singular advantage
+she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to
+anchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island.</p>
+
+<p>Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at present called the
+Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of
+spreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in
+stupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately dispatched to
+enter into a treaty with them, and, approaching the shore, hailed them
+through a trumpet in the most friendly terms; but so horribly confounded
+were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low
+Dutch language that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered
+over the Bergen Hills: nor did they stop until they had buried themselves,
+head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably
+perished to a man; and their bones being collected and decently covered by
+the Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound called
+Rattlesnake<a name='Page_82'></a> Hill, which rises out of the center of the salt marshes a
+little to the east of the Newark Causeway.</p>
+
+<p>Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in
+triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General; and marching fearlessly
+forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, not withstanding that
+it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and
+pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the
+excellences of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed St.
+Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle their
+colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of
+piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for
+the constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore was
+peculiarly favorable to the building of docks; in a word, this spot
+abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch City.
+On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw,
+they one and all determined that this was the destined end of their
+voyage. Accordingly, they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women and
+children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and
+formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the
+Indian name Communipaw.</p>
+
+<p>As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with Communipaw, it may
+seem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my
+readers will please to recollect, that not withstanding it is my chief
+desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and
+have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of
+centuries yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for this
+invaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh,
+<a name='Page_83'></a>and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct&mdash;sunk and forgotten in
+its own mud&mdash;its inhabitants turned into oysters,<a name='FNanchor_25'></a><a href='#Footnote_25'><sup>[25]</sup></a> and even its
+situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headed
+investigation among indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescue
+from oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whence
+was hatched the mighty city of New York!</p>
+
+<p>Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated among
+rural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known
+in ancient legends by the name of Pavonia,<a name='FNanchor_26'></a><a href='#Footnote_26'><sup>[26]</sup></a> and commands a grand
+prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's
+sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be
+distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well known fact, which I can
+testify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening you
+may hear from the battery of New York the obstreperous peals of
+broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most
+other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly the
+case on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and
+observant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood
+of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to the
+circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on.</p>
+
+<p>These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, engross all the
+knowledge of the place, and, being infinitely more adventurous, and more
+knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, making
+frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk and
+cabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of
+weather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are, moreover, exquisite
+performers <a name='Page_84'></a>on three-stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast the
+far-famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse nor an ox in the place,
+when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears
+the well known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from their
+amazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingers they are regarded
+with as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore when
+initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers.</p>
+
+<p>As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound
+philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads
+about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they live
+in profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anxieties, and
+revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them
+do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from
+tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island; that Spiking-devil and
+the Narrows are the two ends of the world; that the country is still under
+the dominion of their High Mightinesses, and that the city of New York
+still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday
+afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a
+square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent
+pipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug
+of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom they imagine is still
+sweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead.</p>
+
+<p>Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in the
+vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strongholds
+and fastnesses whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have
+retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous
+strictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate
+from father to son&mdash;the identical <a name='Page_85'></a>broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat,
+and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; and
+several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that made
+gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language
+likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations; and so
+critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that his
+reading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the
+filing of a hand-saw.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_25'></a><a href='#FNanchor_25'>[25]</a><div class='note'><p> Men by inaction degenerate into oysters.&mdash;Kaimes.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_26'></a><a href='#FNanchor_26'>[26]</a><div class='note'><p> Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country
+extending from about Hoboken to Amboy.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter
+discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw,
+as being the mother settlement; and having given a faithful picture of it
+as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of
+self-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede
+Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, the
+settlement went jollily on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The
+neighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound
+of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between
+them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and
+the Dutch to long silence; in this particular, therefore, they
+accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches
+about the big bull, the wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others
+would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her;
+whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the
+new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the
+latter in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught them
+the art of making bargains.</p><a name='Page_86'></a>
+
+<p>A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch traders were
+scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight,
+establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of a
+Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true the simple
+Indians were often puzzled by the great disproportion between bulk and
+weight, for let them place a bundle of furs never so large in one scale,
+and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to
+kick the beam; never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two
+pounds in the market of Communipaw!</p>
+
+<p>This is a singular fact; but I have it direct from my
+great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in the
+colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on account of the
+uncommon heaviness of his foot.</p>
+
+<p>The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very
+thriving appearance, and were comprehended under the general title of
+Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their
+great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, which indeed was truly
+remarkable, excepting that the former was rugged and mountainous, and the
+latter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch
+colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain
+Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, Governor of
+Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded
+their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this
+arrogant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted
+for the time, like discreet and reasonable men.</p>
+
+<p>It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of
+Communipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in
+sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that <a name='Page_87'></a>they fell
+to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence; insomuch that they
+quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and
+marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, and
+overhung the fair regions of Pavonia&mdash;so that the terrible Captain Argal
+passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay
+snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In
+commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants have
+continued to smoke almost without intermission unto this very day, which
+is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over
+Communipaw of a clear afternoon.</p>
+
+<p>Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous ancestors took full six
+months to recover their wind, having been exceedingly discomposed by the
+consternation and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of safety
+to smoke over the state of the provinces. At this council presided one
+Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who had originally been one of a set of peripatetic
+philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side
+of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland; enjoying, like Diogenes, a
+free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or
+Lackland) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to
+indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he
+had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita; and he had come out
+to the new world to look after them.</p>
+
+<p>Like all land speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did
+anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had
+previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict
+events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly
+valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of
+antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his
+<a name='Page_88'></a>waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any
+great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same may be
+said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the
+Dreamer.</p>
+
+<p>As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit;
+and he was as much a lackland as ever. Still he carried a high head in the
+community: if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it
+oft with a taller cock's tail; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, he
+puffed it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of a
+hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was
+not a mere ruffle.</p>
+
+<p>The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of
+emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site
+for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St.
+Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom he
+had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he
+bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw.</p>
+
+<p>Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt,
+who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye, because he
+had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was
+anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be
+present at the distribution of &quot;town lots.&quot; But we must not give heed to
+such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthy
+gentlemen engaged in laying out towns and in other land speculations.</p>
+
+<p>This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who chose
+as lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mynheers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus Van
+Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck&mdash;three indubitably great men, but of whose
+history, although I <a name='Page_89'></a>have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little
+previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise;
+for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have
+seldom much celebrity in their own countries; but this much is certain
+that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariably
+composed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot help
+remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great
+families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes
+of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly
+announced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign
+country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being
+kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has
+been occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other
+illustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, has been
+completely discountenanced in this sceptical, matter-of-fact age; and I
+even question whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally and
+unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor
+firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a
+shower of gold, or a river god.</p>
+
+<p>Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I
+should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that
+of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt&mdash;that is to say,
+from the dirt&mdash;gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, the
+Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra or the Earth! This
+supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known
+that all the progeny of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature; and Van
+Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with
+an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van
+Zandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to <a name='Page_90'></a>belief than what is related
+and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest,
+men, who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from a
+dunghill!</p>
+
+<p>Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time,
+which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little
+man; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was
+familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches.</p>
+
+<p>Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular but
+ludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth,
+I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible with
+the gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentleman should
+likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the
+most ignoble part of the dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems to
+have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors,
+in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been
+pronounced &quot;the seat of honor.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, Tin Broeck, has
+been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. The most
+elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or
+rather Thin, Breeches; whence they infer that the original bearer of it
+was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest,
+and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly
+philosophical stanza:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class='poem'><div class='stanza'>
+<span>&quot;Then why should we quarrel for riches,<br /></span>
+<span class='i2'>Or any such glittering toys?<br /></span>
+<span>A light heart and thin pair of breeches<br /></span>
+<span class='i2'>Will go through the world, my brave boys!&quot;<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in favor of the other
+reading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man,
+who, <a name='Page_91'></a>in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to
+introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of
+breeches.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany
+him in this voyage into unknown realms; as to the names of his crews they
+have not been handed down by history.</p>
+
+<p>Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air,
+among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Oloffe had become
+familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine
+when a storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful husband can
+foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about
+his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage, when the skies
+appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's
+rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills; precautions
+taken by our forefathers, even in after times when they became more
+adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or
+any other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappen Zee.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>And now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon the
+rising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his
+blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that
+delicious season of the year when Nature, breaking from the chilling
+thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a
+sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into
+the arms of youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove
+resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they
+sipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the
+joyous epithalamium&mdash;the <a name='Page_92'></a>virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, &quot;the
+voice of the turtle was heard in the land,&quot; and the heart of man dissolved
+away in tenderness. Oh, sweet Theocritus! had I thine oaten reed,
+wherewith thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains; or, oh, gentle
+Bion! thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so
+much delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent
+Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save this
+jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign all
+poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose;
+comforting myself with the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetly
+upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virgin
+modesty, to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of
+truth.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of
+Communipaw than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from
+his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a
+far-resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did
+they trudge resolutely down to the water side, escorted by a multitude of
+relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses
+it, &quot;to see them off.&quot; And this shows the antiquity of those long family
+processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and
+sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting some bevy of country
+cousins about to depart for home in a market-boat.</p>
+
+<p>The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and
+hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a
+tub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now,
+all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the
+beach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of <a name='Page_93'></a>hearing,
+wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care of
+themselves, not to get drowned&mdash;with an abundance of other of those sage
+and invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down to
+the sea in ships, and adventure upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the
+voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay,
+and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia.</p>
+
+<p>And first they touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite
+Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence about
+the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the
+Highlands and made its way to the ocean.<a name='FNanchor_27'></a><a href='#Footnote_27'><sup>[27]</sup></a> For, in this tremendous
+uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land
+were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for
+sixty or seventy miles; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just
+opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while
+others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficient
+proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands
+is exactly similar to that of the Highlands; and moreover, one of our
+philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their
+respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence,
+that Gibbet<a name='Page_94'></a> Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on
+Anthony's nose.<a name='FNanchor_28'></a><a href='#Footnote_28'><sup>[28]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's
+Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries.
+They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted
+much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did
+greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country.</p>
+
+<p>Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by,
+turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element
+in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was
+greatly rejoiced. &quot;This,&quot; exclaimed he, &quot;if I mistake not, augurs
+well&mdash;the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish&mdash;a burgomaster among
+fishes&mdash;his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admire
+this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success
+of our undertaking.&quot; So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the
+track of these alderman fishes.</p>
+
+<p>Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait,
+vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses
+through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van
+Kortlandt had embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in
+a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, who
+had all his life long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of
+canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some
+supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some
+fair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations.</p>
+
+<p>Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous
+point of land since called<a name='Page_95'></a> Corlear's Hook,<a name='FNanchor_29'></a><a href='#Footnote_29'><sup>[29]</sup></a> and leaving to the right
+the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent
+expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was
+exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around
+them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at
+a distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in fishing, who
+seemed more like the genii of this romantic region&mdash;their slender canoe
+lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay.</p>
+
+<p>At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little
+troubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's
+boat was stationed a valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being
+interpreted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage).</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled with
+excessive valor, and although a good half mile distant, he seized a
+musketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most
+intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled,
+and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate
+with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of
+this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with
+consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one
+of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore.</p>
+
+<p>This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of the
+achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay,
+and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present.
+The heart of the good Van Kortlandt&mdash;who, having no land of his own, was a
+great admirer of other people's&mdash;expanded to the full size of a peppercorn
+at the sumptuous prospect <a name='Page_96'></a>of rich unsettled country around him, and
+falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in the
+possession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of
+cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the
+sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this
+land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for
+shore; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of
+Bellevue&mdash;that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of
+the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities.</p>
+
+<p>Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran
+sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of
+the seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided
+for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberate
+powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to be
+done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by
+Christian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the
+great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which
+afterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The
+sturdy Harden Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the
+salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the
+bottom of Kip's Bay, counseled by all means to return thither, and found
+the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten
+Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of
+this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented; this
+much is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, by
+determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious
+porpoises had so clearly pointed out; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches
+abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a
+<a name='Page_97'></a>fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued
+to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day.</p>
+
+<p>By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the
+side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; and
+now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again
+committed themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the western
+shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island.</p>
+
+<p>And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little
+marvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be
+caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would
+wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of
+Manna-hata; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending
+rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves,
+which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borne
+away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much
+discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly
+receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra firma was
+giving them the slip.</p>
+
+<p>Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom
+around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness
+of Nature, who here reveled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now
+bristled like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart
+plants! minions of wealth and fashion!), were then adorned with the
+vigorous natives of the soil&mdash;the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, the
+graceful elm&mdash;while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic
+head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of
+luxury&mdash;villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute
+oft breathes the sighings of some city swain&mdash;there <a name='Page_98'></a>the fish-hawk built
+his solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The
+timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lover's
+moonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage
+solitude extended over those happy regions, where now are reared the
+stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders.</p>
+
+<p>Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, the
+gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which
+strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as
+they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern
+mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like
+an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a
+wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously
+intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each
+other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island,
+dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched the
+pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name
+of Hallet's Cove&mdash;a place infamous in latter days, by reason of its being
+the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and
+water-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging in
+their pleasure boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully
+receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista
+through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, and
+East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly weeded
+country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines
+of upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole the purple
+mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness.</p>
+
+<p>Just before them the grand course of the stream, <a name='Page_99'></a>making a sudden bend,
+wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure that
+seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility
+prevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of
+twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty,
+heightened the charms which it half concealed.</p>
+
+<p>Ah! witching scenes of foul delusion! Ah! hapless voyagers, gazing with
+simple wonder on these Circean shores! Such, alas! are they, poor easy
+souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world; treacherous are its
+smiles, fatal its caresses! He who yields to its enticements launches upon
+a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a
+whirlpool! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little
+mistrusting the guileful sense before them, drifted quietly on, until they
+were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For
+now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to
+boil and foam with horrible fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the
+astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid
+the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful
+consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among
+tumultuous breakers; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they
+were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks! more
+voracious than Scylla and her whelps!); and anon they seemed sinking into
+yawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the
+elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged&mdash;the
+winds howled&mdash;and as they were hurried along several of the astonished
+mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving
+through the air!</p>
+
+<p>At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van<a name='Page_100'></a> Kortlandt was drawn into the
+vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled
+about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew
+were overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the
+revolution.</p>
+
+<p>How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this
+modern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived to
+tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many
+different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions
+on the subject.</p>
+
+<p>As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they
+found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore,
+indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in
+this time of peril; how that he saw specters flying in the air, and heard
+the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were
+whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several
+uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles;
+but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel
+porpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the
+Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan!</p>
+
+<p>These, however, were considered by many as mere phantasies of the
+commodore, while he lay in a trance, especially as he was known to be
+given to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearly
+ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and
+his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this
+marvelous strait&mdash;as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of
+the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle&mdash;how he broils fish there before
+a storm; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of putting
+too much faith. In consequence <a name='Page_101'></a>of all these terrific circumstances, the
+Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it has
+been interpreted, Hell-gate;<a name='FNanchor_30'></a><a href='#Footnote_30'><sup>[30]</sup></a> which it continues to bear at the present
+day.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_27'></a><a href='#FNanchor_27'>[27]</a><div class='note'><p> It is a matter long since established by certain of our
+philosophers, that is to say, having been often advanced and never
+contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact, that
+the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the
+Highlands. In process of time, however, becoming very mighty and
+obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the
+back, by reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and
+after a violent struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to
+pass in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art of
+running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pretend to be
+skilled, not withstanding that I do fully give it my belief.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_28'></a><a href='#FNanchor_28'>[28]</a><div class='note'><p> A promontory in the Highlands.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_29'></a><a href='#FNanchor_29'>[29]</a><div class='note'><p> Properly spelt Hoeck (<i>i.e.</i> a point of land).</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_30'></a><a href='#FNanchor_30'>[30]</a><div class='note'><p> This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six
+miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under the care
+of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirlpools.
+These have received sundry appellations, such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan,
+Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are very violent and turbulent at certain times
+of tide. Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth
+to give the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name
+into Hell-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how they venture into the
+Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are aware of it. The
+name of this strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map of
+Vander Donck's history, published in 1656&mdash;by Ogilvie's History of
+America, 1671&mdash;as also by a journal still extant, written in the sixteenth
+century, and to be found in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS, written
+in French, speaking of various alterations, in names about this city,
+observes, &quot;De Hellegat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate, porte
+d'Enfer.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful
+night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly
+assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the
+hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning
+dawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away, rapids,
+breakers and whirlpools had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth and
+dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back towards the
+quarter where lay their much regretted home.</p>
+
+<p>The woebegone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful
+countenances; their squadrons had been totally dispersed by the late
+disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one
+Ruleff Hopper, they took possession of all <a name='Page_102'></a>the country lying about the
+six-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing.</p>
+
+<p>The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where,
+having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to
+conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern; whence, it is said,
+did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have ever
+since continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they were
+thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts.
+But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling
+overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of his
+nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or
+like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was
+found the next morning busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine.</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remaining
+followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city
+in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that
+they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny
+element, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their
+yesterday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant
+sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia.</p>
+
+<p>Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they
+were encountered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward
+voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar
+against the stream; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score of
+potent billows rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on
+the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay.</p>
+
+<p>Some pretend that these billows were sent by old<a name='Page_103'></a> Neptune to strand the
+expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this
+western world; others, more pious, attribute everything to the
+guardianship of the good St. Nicholas; and after events will be found to
+corroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman.
+Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him; and his first thought
+on finding him once more on dry ground was how he should contrive to
+celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a
+solemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by the
+good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted; but in casting his
+eyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A
+great store of these was instantly collected; a fire was made at the foot
+of a tree; all hands fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, and
+frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be
+the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our
+public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to
+play an important part.</p>
+
+<p>On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be
+particularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher; for having the
+cares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed it
+incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion as
+he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him did
+the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he
+seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And at
+such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more
+truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and
+good fellowship. Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, and
+washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning,
+and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded <a name='Page_104'></a>benevolence.
+Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful; and laying his
+hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closed
+eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he
+exclaimed, in a fat, half-smothered voice, &quot;What a charming prospect!&quot; The
+words died away in his throat&mdash;he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a
+moment&mdash;his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs&mdash;his head drooped upon
+his bosom&mdash;he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole
+gradually over him.</p>
+
+<p>And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream&mdash;and, lo! the good St. Nicholas came
+riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he
+brings his yearly presents to children. And he descended hard by where the
+heroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by
+the fire, and sat himself down and smoked; and as he smoked the smoke from
+his pipe ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud overhead. And
+Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of
+the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of
+country&mdash;and as he considered it more attentively he fancied that the
+great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvelous forms, where in dim
+obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of
+which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled
+off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had
+smoked his pipe he twisted it in his hatband, and laying his finger beside
+his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, then
+mounting his wagon, he returned over the treetops and disappeared.</p>
+
+<p>And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed, and he aroused
+his companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it that it
+was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the
+city here; and that the smoke <a name='Page_105'></a>of the pipe was a type how vast would be
+the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread
+over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to
+this interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning
+to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great
+smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city&mdash;both which
+interpretations have strangely come to pass!</p>
+
+<p>The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus
+happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, where
+they were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a general
+meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related
+the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van
+Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St.
+Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more
+honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a
+most useful citizen, and a right good man&mdash;when he was asleep.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The original name of the island whereon the squadron of Communipaw was
+thus propitiously thrown is a matter of some dispute, and has already
+undergone considerable vitiation&mdash;a melancholy proof of the instability of
+all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; for
+who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of
+mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty!</p>
+
+<p>The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise
+countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan, which is
+said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early
+settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is <a name='Page_106'></a>still done among many tribes.
+&quot;Hence,&quot; as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, and
+flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of
+Philadelphia, &quot;hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to
+the Indians, and afterwards to the island&quot;&mdash;a stupid joke!&mdash;but well
+enough for a governor.</p>
+
+<p>Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject is that
+valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard
+Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called the Manhadaes and Manahanent; nor
+must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that
+authentic historian, John Josselyn, gent., who expressly calls it
+Manadaes.</p>
+
+<p>Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of
+our ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters,
+still extant,<a name='FNanchor_31'></a><a href='#Footnote_31'><sup>[31]</sup></a> which passed between the early governors and their
+neighboring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes,
+Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of
+the same name; for our wise forefathers set little store by those
+niceties, either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and
+ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This
+last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who
+was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its
+uncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm that the bay was once
+a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of
+which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and
+flowers, but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these
+blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of
+Ontario.</p>
+
+<p>These, however, are very fabulous legends, to <a name='Page_107'></a>which very cautious
+credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last quoted
+orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which
+I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and
+significant&mdash;and which we have on the authority of Master Juet, who, in
+his account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata&mdash;that
+is to say, the island of manna&mdash;or, in other words, a land flowing with
+milk and honey.</p>
+
+<p>Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the
+worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken
+bout, held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made
+certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their
+lives; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave the
+place the name of Mannahattanink&mdash;that is to say, the Island of Jolly
+Topers&mdash;a name which it continues to merit to the present day.<a name='FNanchor_32'></a><a href='#Footnote_32'><sup>[32]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_31'></a><a href='#FNanchor_31'>[31]</a><div class='note'><p> Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_32'></a><a href='#FNanchor_32'>[32]</a><div class='note'><p> MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New
+York Historical Society.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removed
+from the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata,
+everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer,
+and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day was
+appointed for the grand migration, and on that day little Communipaw as in
+a buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarming time. Houses were turned
+inside out, and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come from
+Holland; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman,
+and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the water
+side, like lines of ants from an ant-hill; <a name='Page_108'></a>everybody laden with some
+article of household furniture; while busy housewifes plied backwards and
+forwards along the lines, helping everything forward by the nimbleness of
+their tongues.</p>
+
+<p>By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds of
+household articles; ponderous tables; chests of drawers, resplendent with
+brass ornaments, quaint corner cupboards; beds and bedsteads; with any
+quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat
+embarked a whole family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats and
+dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the
+Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard
+on the leading boat.</p>
+
+<p>This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long
+cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously
+observed among the &quot;sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw,&quot; by turning their
+houses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in
+emblem of the swarming of the parent hive; and this is the real origin of
+the universal agitation and &quot;moving&quot; by which this most restless of cities
+is literally turned out of doors on every May-day.</p>
+
+<p>As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores of
+Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, appeared to
+oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for
+chastising this insolence with the powder and ball, according to the
+approved mode of discoverers; but the sage Oloffe gave them the
+significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and
+winking hard with one eye; whereupon his followers perceived that there
+was something sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in the
+blandest terms, and made such tempting display of beads, hawks's bells,
+and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land
+speculation ensued. And here let me <a name='Page_109'></a>give the true story of the original
+purchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been
+said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was, but sixty guilders.
+The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition<a name='FNanchor_33'></a><a href='#Footnote_33'><sup>[33]</sup></a> that the Dutch
+discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock would
+cover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's
+finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the
+Indians into the bargain This, however, is an old fable which the worthy
+Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe
+Van Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover with
+his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friend
+Mynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used in
+measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments
+had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared with
+astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher
+peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the
+land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city.</p>
+
+<p>This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the Island of
+Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders; and in corroboration of it I will
+add that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable
+occasion, was elevated to the office of land measurer; which he ever
+afterwards exercised in the colony.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_33'></a><a href='#FNanchor_33'>[33]</a><div class='note'><p> MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical
+Society.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3><a name='Page_110'></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very
+unusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of the
+honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading house were
+forthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St.
+Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer; and which, as has
+already been observed, was the identical place at present known as the
+Bowling Green.</p>
+
+<p>Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, with tiled roofs
+and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for
+protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of
+the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong
+palisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outside
+of these extended the corn-fields and cabbage-gardens of the community,
+with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation; all covering those
+tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street,
+and Pearl Street, I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out the
+land a goodly &quot;bowerie&quot; or farm was allotted to the sage Oloffe, in
+consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent
+at dreaming; and the site of his &quot;bowerie&quot; is known by the name of
+Kortlandt (or Cortland) Street to the present day.</p>
+
+<p>And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it was
+thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it
+had gone by the original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will have
+it, &quot;The Manhattoes;&quot; but this was now decried as savage and heathenish,
+and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally
+possessed it. Many were the <a name='Page_111'></a>consultations held upon the subject without
+coming to a conclusion, for though everybody condemned the old name,
+nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost in
+despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head,
+proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took
+everybody by surprise; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. The
+name was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was
+thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province
+continued to call it by the general appelation of &quot;The Manhattoes,&quot; and
+the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata; but those are
+a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in matters
+of this kind.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the next was to give it
+an armorial bearing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, others
+a soaring eagle; emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying
+qualities of the inhabitants: so after mature deliberation a sleek beaver
+was emblazoned on the city standard as indicative of the amphibious origin
+and patient persevering habits of the New Amsterdamers.</p>
+
+<p>The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon
+made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be
+built; but at the very first consultation on the subject a violent
+discussion arose; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the first
+altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a
+breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between
+those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Ten Broeck and Harden Broeck, ever
+since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Harden
+Broeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which
+embraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along the
+gulf of Kip's Bay, and <a name='Page_112'></a>from part of which his descendants have been
+expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the
+Schermerhornes.</p>
+
+<p>An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Harden Broeck, who
+proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the
+manner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeck
+was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they should
+run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the
+river, on which the town should be built. &quot;By these means,&quot; said he,
+triumphantly, &quot;shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from
+these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice,
+or any amphibious city in Europe.&quot; To this proposition Harden Broeck (or
+Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly
+assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as
+being preposterous, and against the very order of things, as he would
+leave to every true Hollander. &quot;For what,&quot; said he, &quot;is a town without
+canals?&mdash;it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for
+want of a free circulation of the vital fluid.&quot;&mdash;Ten Breeches, on the
+contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of
+an arid, dry-boded habit; he remarked, that as to the circulation of the
+blood being necessary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living
+contradiction to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not a
+drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten
+years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony.
+Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; nor
+have I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity.
+At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy
+in sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up
+the last <a name='Page_113'></a>word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had the
+advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that
+invaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had,
+therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom&mdash;so that
+though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and
+battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough
+Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as
+is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without
+coming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for ever
+after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and
+Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough
+Breeches.</p>
+
+<p>I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my
+duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, in
+truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a
+young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since
+contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be
+too minute in detailing their first causes.</p>
+
+<p>After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that
+anything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The
+council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met
+regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, either
+they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were
+naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent
+exercise of the brains&mdash;certain it is, the most profound silence was
+maintained&mdash;the question, as usual, lay on the table&mdash;the members quietly
+smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, and
+in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on&mdash;as it pleased God.</p>
+
+<p>As most of the council were but little skilled in <a name='Page_114'></a>the mystery of
+combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to
+puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The
+secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable
+precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; the
+journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that
+&quot;the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the
+colony.&quot; By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate
+their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure
+distances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, as
+a pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those
+accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out
+of order.</p>
+
+<p>In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze,
+and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what
+manner they should construct their infant settlement; meanwhile the town
+took care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which is suffered to run
+about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by
+which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the
+children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude, that
+before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan it was too late
+to put it in execution&mdash;whereupon they wisely abandoned the subject
+altogether.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='II_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back, through the
+long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realms
+of antiquity. Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive a
+thousand charms from their very obscurity, and the fancy delights to fill
+up their outlines with graces and excellences of its own <a name='Page_115'></a>creation. Thus
+loom on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet New
+Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores and
+willows, and surrounded by trackless forests and wide-spreading waters,
+that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world.</p>
+
+<p>In those days did this embryo city present the rare and noble spectacle of
+a community governed without laws; and thus being left to its own course,
+and the fostering care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it
+had been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws usually
+heaped on the backs of young cities&mdash;in order to make them grow. And in
+this particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of human
+nature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow
+legislators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many
+of my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a
+piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be; and as far as I have
+observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about
+as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his
+ears that it is his duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse.
+The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyranny
+of law, and the perpetual interference of officious morality, which are
+ever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to &quot;keep to the
+right, as the law directs;&quot; and like a spirited urchin, he turns directly
+contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches,
+merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings.
+And these opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above said of
+our worthy ancestors; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and
+guided and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their more
+enlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves <a name='Page_116'></a>honestly and
+peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words&mdash;because they knew no
+better.</p>
+
+<p>Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infant
+settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that,
+like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they had
+first served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, and
+provided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifying
+their gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting
+care in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built a
+fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his
+name; whereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under his
+peculiar patronage, and he has even since been, and I devoutly hope will
+ever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city.</p>
+
+<p>At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiously
+observed in all our ancient families of the right breed, of hanging up a
+stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas Eve; which stocking is always
+found in the morning miraculously filled; for the good St. Nicholas has
+ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children.</p>
+
+<p>I am moreover told that there is a little legendary book somewhere extant,
+written in Low Dutch, which says that the image of this renowned saint,
+which whilom graced the bow-sprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in
+front of this chapel, in the center of what in modern days is called the
+Bowling Green&mdash;on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to
+Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further treats of divers miracles
+wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth; a whiff of
+which was a sovereign cure for an indigestion&mdash;an invaluable relic in this
+colony of brave trenchermen. As however, in spite of the most diligent
+search, I cannot lay my hands upon this little <a name='Page_117'></a>book, I must confess that
+I entertain considerable doubt on the subject.</p>
+
+<p>Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the infant city thrived
+apace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about the
+unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins
+and bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, while
+here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian
+wigwams whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in the
+transparent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, existed between these
+wandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolent
+forefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameliorate their situation,
+by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries;
+for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friendship
+for their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men to
+trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain.</p>
+
+<p>Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make
+their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted
+and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an
+air of listless indifference&mdash;sometimes in the marketplace, instructing
+the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow&mdash;at other times,
+inflamed with liquor, swaggering, and whooping, and yelling about the town
+like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who would
+hurry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw water
+upon the enemy from the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here that
+our forefathers were very particular in holding up these wild men as
+excellent domestic examples&mdash;and for reasons that may be gathered from the
+history of Master Ogilby, who tells us that &quot;for the least offence the
+bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries
+<a name='Page_118'></a>another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife.&quot; Whether
+this awful example had any influence or not history does not mention; but
+it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and
+obedience.</p>
+
+<p>True it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and their
+savage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heard
+my grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the
+history of these parts, tell a long story of a winter's evening, about a
+battle between the New-Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by
+the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in a
+dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley.</p>
+
+<p>The legend of this sylvan war was long current among the nurses, old
+wives, and other ancient chroniclers of the place; but time and
+improvement have almost obliterated both the tradition and the scene of
+battle; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the center of
+this populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street.</p>
+
+<p>I know not whether it was to this &quot;Peach War,&quot; and the acquisitions of
+Indian land which may have grown out of it, that we may ascribe the first
+seeds of the spirit of &quot;annexation&quot; which now began to manifest
+themselves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers had been confined
+to the lovely island of Manna-hata; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and
+Hell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the <i>ne plus
+ultra</i> of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War however, a
+restless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdammers, who began to
+cast wistful looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors; for
+somehow or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes of
+settlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Dreamer
+encouraged these notions; having, as has been shown, <a name='Page_119'></a>the inherent spirit
+of a land speculator, which had been wonderfully quickened and expanded
+since he had become a landholder. Many of the common people, who had never
+before owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the town
+lots which had fallen to their shares; others who had snug farms and
+tobacco plantations found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began to
+question the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended to
+hold&mdash;while the good Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreign
+conquest and great patroonships in the wilderness.</p>
+
+<p>The result of these dreams were certain exploring expeditions sent forth
+in various directions to &quot;sow the seeds of empire,&quot; as it was said. The
+earliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator
+famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it was
+quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass covered
+with a bit of tarpaulin, with which he could spy up the crookedest river,
+quite to its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as
+land measurer, in case of any dispute with the Indians.</p>
+
+<p>What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions? In a little while
+we find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, established
+far to the south on Delaware River; another called Fort Goed Hoop (or Good
+Hope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut River; and another called
+Fort Aurania (now Albany) away up the Hudson River; while the boundaries
+of the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, far
+into the regions of Terra Incognita.</p>
+
+<p>Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little province
+brought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory we
+shall treat at large in the after pages of this eventful history;
+sufficient for the present is it to say, that the swelling importance of
+the Nieuw Nederlandts <a name='Page_120'></a>awakened the attention of the mother country, who,
+finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take that
+interest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations.</p>
+
+<p>But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New Amsterdam I will here
+put an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of the
+maternal policy of the mother country in my next.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_III'></a><h2><a name='Page_121'></a><i>BOOK III.</i></h2>
+
+<center>IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER.</center>
+
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the task of the feeling
+historian who writes the history of his native land. If it fell to his lot
+to be the recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with
+his tears&mdash;nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era without
+a melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever! I
+know not whether it be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity of
+former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart incident to all
+sentimental historians, but I candidly confess that I cannot look back on
+the happier days of our city, which I now describe, without great
+dejection of spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of
+oblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and as
+their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mighty
+shades.</p>
+
+<p>Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of the
+Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the
+portraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust like the forms they
+represent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those
+renowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady march of
+existence&mdash;whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins,
+flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall
+soon be stopped for ever!</p><a name='Page_122'></a>
+
+<p>These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the mighty men who
+flourished in the days of the patriarchs: but who, alas! have long since
+smouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly and
+irresistibly hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose myself in
+melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once
+more into existence, their countenances to assume the animation of
+life&mdash;their eyes to pursue me in every movement! Carried away by the
+delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of
+the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity!
+Ah, hapless Diedrich! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the
+buffetings of fortune&mdash;a stranger and weary pilgrim in thy native
+land&mdash;blest with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children; but
+doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by
+foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held
+sovereign empire!</p>
+
+<p>Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting
+recollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on
+the virtuous days of the patriarchs&mdash;on those sweet days of simplicity and
+ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata.</p>
+
+<p>These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growing
+wealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are to
+involve it in all kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed at
+the close of my last book, they had awakened the attention of the mother
+country. The usual mark of protection shown by mother countries to wealthy
+colonies was forthwith manifested; a governor being sent out to rule over
+the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. The
+arrival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffe
+the Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose <a name='Page_123'></a>during
+his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landed
+estate on the banks of the Hudson, having virtually forfeited all right to
+his ancient appellation of Kortlandt, or Lackland.</p>
+
+<p>It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was
+appointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlands, under the
+commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General
+of the United Netherlands and the privileged West India Company.</p>
+
+<p>This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month of
+June, the sweetest month in all the year; when Dan Apollo seems to dance
+up the transparent firmament&mdash;when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand
+other wanton songsters make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and
+the luxurious little boblicon revels among the clover blossoms of the
+meadows&mdash;all which happy coincidence persuaded the old dames of New
+Amsterdam who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this was
+to be a happy and prosperous administration.</p>
+
+<p>The renowned Wouter, or Walter, Van Twiller was descended from a long line
+of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and
+grown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had empowered
+themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety that they were never
+either heard or talked of&mdash;which, next to being universally applauded,
+should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There are
+two opposite ways by which some men make a figure in the world; one by
+talking faster than they think, and the other by holding their tongues and
+not thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires the reputation
+of a man of quick parts; by the other many a dunderpate, like the owl, the
+stupidest of birds, comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This,
+by the way, is a casual <a name='Page_124'></a>remark, which I would not for the universe have
+it thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. It is true he was a man shut
+up within himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke except in
+monosyllables; but then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. So
+invincible was his gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even to
+smile, through the whole course of a long and prosperous life. Nay, if a
+joke were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a
+roar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. Sometimes
+he would deign to inquire into the matter, and when, after much
+explanation, the joke was made as plain as a pike-staff, he would continue
+to smoke his pipe in silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, would
+exclaim, &quot;Well! I see nothing in all that to laugh about.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>With all his reflective habits he never made up his mind on a subject. His
+adherents accounted for this by the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. He
+conceived every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room in his
+head to turn it over and examine both sides of it. Certain it is that if
+any matter were propounded to him, on which ordinary mortals would rashly
+determine at first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, shake
+his capacious head, smoke some time in profound silence, and at length
+observe that &quot;he had his doubts about the matter;&quot; which gained him the
+reputation of a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What is
+more, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit of the mind has been
+attributed his surname of Twiller, which is said to be a corruption of the
+original Twijfler, or, in plain English, Doubter.</p>
+
+<p>The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned,
+as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary,
+as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six
+inches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head <a name='Page_125'></a>was
+a perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature,
+with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck
+capable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, and
+settled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders.
+His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wisely
+ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, and
+very averse to the idle labor of walking.</p>
+
+<p>His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to
+sustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beer
+barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a
+vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigure
+the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes
+twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy
+firmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of
+everything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked
+with dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple.</p>
+
+<p>His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated
+meals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight
+hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was
+the renowned Wouter Van Twiller&mdash;a true philosopher, for his mind was
+either elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares and
+perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feeling
+the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it round
+the sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curling
+from his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any of
+those numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed his
+brain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere.</p>
+
+<p>In his council he presided with great state and <a name='Page_126'></a>solemnity. He sat in a
+huge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague,
+fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously carved
+about the arms and feet into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws.
+Instead of a scepter he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin
+and amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, at the
+conclusion of a treaty, with one of the petty Barbary Powers. In this
+stately chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe would he smoke,
+shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye for
+hours together upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a black
+frame against the opposite wall of the council chamber. Nay, it has even
+been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length and
+intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for
+full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by external
+objects&mdash;and at such times the internal commotion of his mind was evinced
+by certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were
+merely the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and opinions.</p>
+
+<p>It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to collect these
+biographical anecdotes of the great man under consideration. The facts
+respecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them so
+questionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the
+search after many, and decline the admission of still more, which would
+have tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait.</p>
+
+<p>I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits of
+Wouter Van Twiller, from the consideration that he was not only the first,
+but also the best governor, that ever presided over this ancient and
+respectable province; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that I
+do not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any offender
+being brought to punishment&mdash;a most indubitable <a name='Page_127'></a>sign of a merciful
+governor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of the
+illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller
+was a lineal descendant.</p>
+
+<p>The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was
+distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presage
+of a wise and equitable administration. The morning after he had been
+installed in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfast
+from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and Indian pudding, he
+was interrupted by the appearance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important
+old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent
+Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts,
+seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle.
+Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words;
+he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or being disturbed
+at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle
+Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shoveled a spoonful of
+Indian pudding into his mouth&mdash;either as a sign that he relished the dish
+or comprehended the story&mdash;he called unto his constable, and pulling out
+of his breeches proper a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the
+defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant.</p>
+
+<p>This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal
+ring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The two
+parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts,
+written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a High
+Dutch commentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage
+Wouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands,
+and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a
+very great doubt, and <a name='Page_128'></a>smoked for half an hour without saying a word; at
+length, laying his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for a
+moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the
+tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of
+tobacco smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solemnity pronounced&mdash;that
+having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was
+found that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other&mdash;therefore, it
+was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally
+balanced&mdash;therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent
+should give Wandle a receipt&mdash;and the constable should pay the costs.</p>
+
+<p>This decision being straightway made known, diffused general joy
+throughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they
+had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its
+happiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout the
+whole of his administration&mdash;and the office of constable fell into such
+decay, that there was not one of those losel scouts known in the province
+for many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction,
+not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments on
+record, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but because
+it was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being the
+only time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course of
+his life.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In treating of the early governors of the province I must caution my
+readers against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, with
+those worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in this
+enlightened republic&mdash;a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are in
+fact the <a name='Page_129'></a>most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed to
+bear the secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and the
+sneers and revilings of the whole world beside&mdash;set up, like geese at
+Christmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and
+vagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed that
+uncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of distant colonies or
+territories. They were in a manner absolute despots in their little
+domains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and
+accountable to none but the mother-country; which, it is well known, is
+astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they
+discharge the main duty of their station&mdash;squeezing out a good revenue.
+This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seized
+with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentic
+history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting
+with independence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude.</p>
+
+<p>To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, a
+board of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over the
+police. This potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiff, with powers
+between those of the present mayor and sheriff&mdash;five burgermeesters, who
+were equivalent to aldermen, and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs,
+sub-devils, or bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner as
+do assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day; it being
+their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt the
+markets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge such
+other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was,
+moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they
+should consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of the
+burgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily <a name='Page_130'></a>at all their jokes; but
+this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at
+present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of
+a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful
+effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes.</p>
+
+<p>In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say &quot;yes&quot; and
+&quot;no&quot; at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of
+the public kitchen&mdash;being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and
+smoke, at all those snug junketing and public gormandisings, for which the
+ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The
+post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly
+coveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a huge
+relish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a small
+way&mdash;who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the
+terror of the almshouse and the bridewell&mdash;that shall enable them to lord
+it over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and
+hunger-driven dishonesty&mdash;that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack
+of catshpolls and bumbailiffs&mdash;tenfold greater rogues than the culprits
+they hunt down! My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess
+is unbecoming of a grave historian; but I have a mortal antipathy to
+catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men.</p>
+
+<p>The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of the
+present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than in
+prerogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were
+generally chosen by weight&mdash;and not only the weight of the body, but
+likewise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in all
+honest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat;
+and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is in
+some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the <a name='Page_131'></a>mind is moulded to
+the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been
+insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their
+peculiar study; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes,
+&quot;there is a constant relation between the moral character of all
+intelligent creatures, and their physical constitution&mdash;between their
+habits and the structure of their bodies.&quot; Thus we see that a lean, spare,
+diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling
+mind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion; or
+else the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it
+continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the
+uneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldly
+periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at
+ease; and we may alway observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghers
+are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort; being great
+enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance&mdash;and surely none are more
+likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of
+their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together
+in turbulent mobs! No&mdash;no&mdash;it is your lean, hungry men who are continually
+worrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears.</p>
+
+<p>The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to by
+philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls&mdash;one
+immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and
+regulate the body; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible
+passions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart; a
+third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its
+propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the
+divine soul by its ravenous howlings. Now, according to this excellent
+theory, what can be more clear, than that your <a name='Page_132'></a>fat alderman is most
+likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is
+like a huge spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass of soft
+brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a
+feather-bed; and the eyes which are the windows of the bedchamber, are
+usually half-closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by external
+objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance,
+is manifestly most like to perform its functions with regularly and ease.
+By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which is
+confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts the
+irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion,
+and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely
+pacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest,
+good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue,
+slily peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding this Cerberus
+asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday
+suits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm&mdash;disposing their possessor to
+laughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards his
+fellow-mortals.</p>
+
+<p>As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but very
+little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite
+opinions; and, as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner,
+they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the
+administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and
+therefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court of
+justice except in the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which I
+can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor
+culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the
+present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the
+alderman are the best fed men in the <a name='Page_133'></a>community; feasting lustily on the
+fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles,
+that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the
+form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I
+have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet
+equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their
+transactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony; and the profound laws
+which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion,
+are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced when
+awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed
+mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at
+hand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, meddling
+candidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief
+put a greyhound to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox-wagon.</p>
+
+<p>The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen by
+weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attend
+upon them, and help them eat; but the latter, in the course of time, when
+they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsiness
+of brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs,
+having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a
+comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New England
+cheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took place
+between the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be
+the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for
+hours smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word to
+interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under
+the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, the
+infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps
+<a name='Page_134'></a>and forests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and country
+customary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the
+city of Washington; that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious an
+appearance on paper.</p>
+
+<p>It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest burgher, like
+a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed
+house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow.
+Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft
+southern breeze and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of
+his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his
+swine; that combination of farmyard melody, which may truly be said to
+have a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of
+profitable marketing.</p>
+
+<p>The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous
+city, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented
+in the primitive days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the
+shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of
+accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce,
+were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in
+the highways&mdash;the bleating sheep and frolicksome calves sported about the
+verdant ridge, where now the Broadway loungers take their morning
+stroll&mdash;the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now
+are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of
+money-brokers&mdash;and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields,
+where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling
+echo with the wranglings of the mob.</p>
+
+<p>In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property
+prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility
+and heart-burnings of repining poverty&mdash;and <a name='Page_135'></a>what in my mind is still more
+conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of
+intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New
+Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those
+honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by the
+gross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for
+public employ, and especially promoted to city honors; your keen
+intellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I
+know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as
+the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings; whereas, for
+my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that
+prevails, that embroils communities more than anything else; and I have
+remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody
+else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New
+Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls&mdash;the very words
+of learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of&mdash;a bright
+genius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady would have been
+regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man in
+fact seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than
+an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his
+own; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read in
+the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with a
+cross.</p>
+
+<p>Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh! existing in all the
+security of harmless insignificance&mdash;unnoticed and unenvied by the world,
+without ambition, without vain-glory, without riches, without learning,
+and all their train of carking cares; and as of yore, in the better days
+of man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural
+<a name='Page_136'></a>habitations, so we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, the
+good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of
+a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the treetops, or over the roofs
+of houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his
+breeches pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites.
+Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows us the
+light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year;
+when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs,
+confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degeneracy
+of the parents.</p>
+
+<p>Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The
+province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweet
+tranquillity that wealth could never purchase. There were neither public
+commotions, nor private quarrels; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms;
+neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments; nor were there
+counsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to what
+little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he
+pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody
+meddled with concerns above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose into
+other people's affairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct and
+reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of
+others; but in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not
+hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the
+sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were sleepy or not; all
+which tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I am
+told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching
+her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace&mdash;this
+superabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of
+life, <a name='Page_137'></a>according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that &quot;more than enough
+constitutes a feast.&quot; Everything, therefore, went on exactly as it should
+do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare
+of a country, &quot;the profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughout
+the province.&quot;</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened <i>literati</i> who
+turn over the pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful of
+the yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam with
+untried valor, like a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain fresh
+from under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be
+satisfied with nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters; they
+must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, springing mines,
+marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page,
+and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial,
+but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are little given to the
+marvelous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions of
+prodigies, unheard of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, and
+all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary line
+of possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are of
+a lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times, as they do over
+the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocent
+amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes,
+Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogues of
+hideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and
+flavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of more
+<a name='Page_138'></a>philosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time,
+to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradual
+changes in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, the
+vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation.</p>
+
+<p>If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solace
+themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to
+exert their patience for a while, and bear with the tedious picture of
+happiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historian
+obliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can possibly
+alight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hard
+but I will make it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I turn
+with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or,
+if possible, women after my own heart; grave, philosophical, and
+investigating; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a start from first
+causes, and so haunting a nation down, through all the mazes of innovation
+and improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first
+development of the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners and
+customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of Van
+Twiller, or the Doubter.</p>
+
+<p>I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely the
+increase and improvement of New Amsterdam. Their own imaginations will
+doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and
+persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors&mdash;they will
+behold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the stately
+Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from the
+tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden; and from the skulking
+Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture to
+themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of <a name='Page_139'></a>prosperity,
+incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat
+government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry.</p>
+
+<p>The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being
+able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, the cows,
+in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and
+as they went to and from pasture, established paths through the bushes, on
+each side of which the good folks built their houses; which is one cause
+of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish
+certain streets of New York at this very day.</p>
+
+<p>The houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood,
+excepting the gable end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks,
+and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants,
+were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best
+leg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doors
+and small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiously
+designated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof was
+perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important
+secret which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops
+of our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could have
+a wind to his mind;&mdash;the most staunch and loyal citizens, however, always
+went according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house,
+which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employed
+every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter.</p>
+
+<p>In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanliness
+was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of
+an able housewife&mdash;a character which formed the utmost ambition of our
+unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except <a name='Page_140'></a>on
+marriages, funerals, new year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or
+some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker,
+curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of a
+lion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal, that it was
+oft-times worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. The
+whole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the discipline
+of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes; and the good housewives of those
+days were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to be
+dabbling in water&mdash;insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us,
+that many of his townswomen grew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck;
+and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into,
+would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this I look upon to be a
+mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation.</p>
+
+<p>The grand parlor was the <i>sanctum sanctorum</i>, where the passion for
+cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was
+permitted to enter excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, who
+visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning,
+and putting things to rights; always taking the precaution of leaving
+their shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet.
+After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which was
+curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom;
+after washing the windows, rubbing and polishing the furniture, and
+putting a bunch of evergreens in the fireplace&mdash;the window shutters were
+again closed to keep out the flies, and the room carefully locked up until
+the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day.</p>
+
+<p>As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally
+lived in the kitchen. To <a name='Page_141'></a>have seen a numerous household assembled round
+the fire, one would have imagined that he was transported back to those
+happy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginations
+like golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude,
+where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, black and
+white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege,
+and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in
+perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking into the fire with half-shut
+eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw, on the
+opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn or
+knitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth,
+listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who was
+the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of a
+chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of
+incredible stories about New England witches, grisly ghosts, horses
+without heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among the
+Indians.</p>
+
+<p>In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn,
+dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a
+private meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestable signs of
+disapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a
+neighbor on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thus
+singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of
+intimacy by occasional banquettings, called tea-parties.</p>
+
+<p>These fashionable parties were generally confined to the higher classes,
+or noblesse: that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove their
+own waggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went
+away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashionable hours
+were a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before <a name='Page_142'></a>dark. The
+tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of
+fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The
+company being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with a
+fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this
+mighty dish&mdash;in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea,
+or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced
+with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears;
+but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened
+dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks&mdash;a delicious
+kind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, except in genuine
+Dutch families.</p>
+
+<p>The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, ornamented with
+paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs,
+with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry
+other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by
+their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle,
+which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat
+merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laid
+beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with great
+decorum; until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic old
+lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by a
+string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth&mdash;an
+ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany,
+but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen Flatbush, and
+all our uncontaminated Dutch villages.</p>
+
+<p>At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity of
+deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting&mdash;no gambling of old
+ladies, nor <a name='Page_143'></a>hoyden chattering and romping of young ones&mdash;no
+self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their
+pockets&mdash;nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements of smart young
+gentlemen with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated
+themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own
+woollen stockings; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say &quot;<i>yah
+Mynheer</i>,&quot; or &quot;<i>yah ya Vrouw</i>,&quot; to any question that was asked them;
+behaving, in all things, like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the
+gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in
+contemplation of the blue and white tiles with which the fireplaces were
+decorated; wherein sundry passages of Scripture were piously
+portrayed&mdash;Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage, Haman swung
+conspicuously on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out
+of the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire.</p>
+
+<p>The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. They were
+carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles
+nature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to
+keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their
+respective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door;
+which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect
+simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor
+should it at the present. If our great-grandfathers approved of the
+custom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to
+say a word against it.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3><a name='Page_144'></a>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island of
+Manna-hata presented a scene the very counterpart of those glowing
+pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before
+observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its
+inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little
+understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the
+female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and
+grey-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves
+with incredible sobriety and comeliness.</p>
+
+<p>Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously
+pomatomed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a
+little cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Their
+petticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous
+dyes&mdash;though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short,
+scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, which
+generally equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes; and what is
+still more praiseworthy, they were all of their own manufacture&mdash;of which
+circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain.</p>
+
+<p>These were the honest days, in which every woman stayed at home, read the
+Bible, and wore pockets&mdash;ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned with
+patchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the
+outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good
+housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at
+hand, by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed; and I
+remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of
+Wouter Van Twiller <a name='Page_145'></a>once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search
+of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and
+the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner; but we
+must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those
+remote periods being very subject to exaggeration.</p>
+
+<p>Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pincushions
+suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or among the more opulent and
+showy classes by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens of
+thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in
+vindication of the shortness of the petticoats; it doubtless was
+introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen,
+which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks; or
+perhaps to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat though serviceable
+foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendid
+silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the
+same disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order
+to betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery.</p>
+
+<p>From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers
+differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their
+scantily-dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those
+times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would
+have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less
+admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, the
+greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the
+magnitude of its object; and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen
+petticoats, was declared by a low Dutch sonneteer of the province to be
+radiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it
+is that in those day the heart of a lover could not contain more than one
+lady at <a name='Page_146'></a>a time, whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room
+enough to accommodate half a dozen; the reason of which I conclude to be,
+that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons
+of the ladies smaller; this, however, is a question for physiologists to
+determine.</p>
+
+<p>But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, no doubt, entered
+into the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was
+in those days her only fortune; and she who had a good stock of petticoats
+and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamschatka damsel with
+a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The
+ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions
+to the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead of
+being adorned with caricatures of Dame Nature, in water-colors and
+needlework, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments,
+the manufacture and the property of the females; a piece of laudable
+ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages.</p>
+
+<p>The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in
+these ancient times, corresponded in most particulars with the beauteous
+damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their
+merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a
+modern fair; they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems,
+for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did they
+distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their
+consequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too
+pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul
+throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did
+they establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailors
+for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the
+tranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen <a name='Page_147'></a>were unknown in New
+Amsterdam; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and
+family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller himself thought it no
+disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins.</p>
+
+<p>Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the
+first dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor in
+contempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine,
+squandered what little money they could procure at hustle cap and chuck
+farthing; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbor's horses;
+in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the
+town, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an
+affair of honor with a whipping post.</p>
+
+<p>Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days; his
+dress, which served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room,
+was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the
+mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large
+brass buttons&mdash;half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his
+figure&mdash;his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles&mdash;a low
+crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage, and his hair
+dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of sulskin.</p>
+
+<p>Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiege
+some fair damsel's obdurate heart&mdash;not such a pipe, good reader, as that
+which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delf
+manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With this
+would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely
+failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender
+upon honorable terms.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van<a name='Page_148'></a> Twiller, celebrated in many a long
+forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but
+counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holy
+calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe in
+peace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils
+were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron
+of snowy white without being insulted by ribald street walkers or vagabond
+boys&mdash;those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying under
+the roses of youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was that the
+lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score,
+indulged in all the innocent endearments of virtuous love without fear and
+without reproach; for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by a
+shield of good linsey-woolsey, equal at least to the seven bull-hides of
+the invincible Ajax?</p>
+
+<p>Ah! blissful and never to be forgotten age! when everything was better
+than it has ever been since, or ever will be again&mdash;when Buttermilk
+Channel was quite dry at low water&mdash;when the shad in the Hudson were all
+salmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness,
+instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her
+sickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate
+city!</p>
+
+<p>Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it always have existed in
+this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity; but, alas! the days
+of childhood are too sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them in
+time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and
+miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself when he beholds the
+child of his bosom, or the city of his birth, increasing in magnitude and
+importance, let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of the
+one, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata convince him of the
+calamities of the other.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3><a name='Page_149'></a>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It has already been mentioned that, in the early times of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, called Fort Aurania, had been
+established on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of
+the present venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered at the
+very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, with
+which, for a long time, New Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now and
+then the &quot;Company's Yacht,&quot; as it was called, was sent to the Fort with
+supplies, and to bring away the peltries which had been purchased of the
+Indians. It was like an expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, and
+always made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an adventurous burgher
+would accompany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends;
+but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on
+the Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's Dane
+Kammer, and of all the other wonders and perils with which the river
+abounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurous
+inhabitants from following his xample.</p>
+
+<p>Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and his
+burgermeesters were smoking and pondering over the affairs of the
+province, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they
+beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay; it was unquestionably of
+Dutch build, broad-brimmed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of their
+High Mightinesses at the masthead.</p>
+
+<p>After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger stepped on shore, a
+lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, with a meager face, furnished
+with hug mustachios. He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and an
+insufferably tall hat, with <a name='Page_150'></a>a cocktail feather. Such was the patroon
+Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from Holland to found a colony or
+patroonship on a great tract of wild land, granted to him by their Hight
+Mightinesses the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the Hudson.</p>
+
+<p>Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine day's wonder in New Amsterdam, for he
+carried a high head, looked down upon the portly, short-legged
+burgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the governor himself; boasting
+that he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States General.</p>
+
+<p>He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam merely to beat up recruits
+for his colony. Few, however, ventured to enlist for those remote and
+savage regions; and when they embarked, their friends took leave of them
+as if they should never see them more; and stood gazing with tearful eyes
+as the stout, round-sterned little vessel ploughed and splashed its way up
+the Hudson, with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to
+get out of sight of the city.</p>
+
+<p>And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Manhattoes of the
+growing importance of this new colony. Every account represented Killian
+Van Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon in
+the land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship of
+Rensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for
+several miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the mountainous
+region of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separate
+jurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>All these assumptions of authority were duly reported to Governor Van
+Twiller and his council, by dispatches from Fort Aurania, at each new
+report the governor and his counsellors looked at each other, raised their
+eyebrows, gave an extra puff or <a name='Page_151'></a>two of smoke, and then relapsed into
+their usually tranquillity.</p>
+
+<p>At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaerwick had extended his
+usurpations along the river, beyond the limits granted him by their High
+Mightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in the
+Hudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or Bear's Island, where he was
+erecting a fortress, to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen.</p>
+
+<p>Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting with
+his burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick,
+demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, which lay beyond
+the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van Rensellaer was in
+his own lordly style, &quot;By <i>wapen recht!</i>&quot; that is to say, by the right of
+arms, or in common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthy
+Wouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of his
+administration. In the meantime, while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian
+went on to finish his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee I
+shall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventful
+history.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and four, on a fine
+afternoon in the glowing month of September, I took my customary walk upon
+the battery, which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient and
+impregnable city of New York. The ground on which is I trod was hallowed
+by recollections of the past, and as I slowly wandered through the long
+alley of poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on end,
+diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my imagination drew a contrast
+between the surrounding scenery, <a name='Page_152'></a>and what it was in the classic days of
+our forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the customhouse
+by occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pillars, there
+whilom stood the low, but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdam
+frowned defiance to every absent foe; but, like many a whiskered warrior
+and gallant militia captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone.
+The mud breastworks had long been leveled with the earth, and their site
+converted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the battery, where the
+gay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic,
+relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale of
+love into the half averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. The
+capacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studded
+with islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores of
+picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shores
+had been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled
+mazes and impenetrable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards, and
+waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling garden
+appertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered with
+fortifications, inclosing a tremendous block house; so that this once
+peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat,
+breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world!</p>
+
+<p>For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of thought, contrasting in
+sober sadness the present day with the hallowed years behind the
+mountains, lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising
+the zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavor to preserve the wrecks of
+venerable customs, prejudices, and errors, from the overwhelming tide of
+modern innovation; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and I
+<a name='Page_153'></a>insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me.</p>
+
+<p>It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven particularly bestows
+upon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity; not a floating
+cloud obscured the azure firmament; the sun rolling in glorious splendor
+through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenance
+into an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his evening
+salutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous
+beams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute attention,
+lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the waveless
+bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheld
+herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice
+handkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag-staff which
+forms the handle of a gigantic churn; and even the tremulous leaves of the
+poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything
+seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidable
+eighteen-pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries,
+seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country
+on the next fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot
+to call the garrison to the shovels; the evening gun had not yet sounded
+its signal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the country
+to go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Island
+and Communipaw slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters
+to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My
+own feelings sympathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I should
+infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which our
+benevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescent
+loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all
+repose at defiance.</p><a name='Page_154'></a>
+
+<p>In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a
+black speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergen
+steeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities of
+Jersey, Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are starting on
+the course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement of
+the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its
+wide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto
+and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for the
+embarrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud
+rolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse,
+and bearing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The earth seems
+agitated at the confusion of the heavens&mdash;the late waveless mirror is
+lashed into furious waves, that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore&mdash;the
+oyster boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island,
+now hurry affrighted to the land&mdash;the poplar writhes and twists, and
+whistles in the blast&mdash;torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail deluge
+the battery walks&mdash;the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids,
+and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs over their hats,
+scampering from the storm&mdash;the late beauteous prospect presents one scene
+of anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, and
+was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Nature.</p>
+
+<p>Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained bodly at my post,
+as our gallant train-band captains, who march their soldiers through the
+rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the
+reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the
+reason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of
+my work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance.
+The panorama <a name='Page_155'></a>view of the battery was given to gratify the reader with a
+correct description of that celebrated place, and the parts adjacent;
+secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and life
+to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from
+falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous
+times which are about to assail the pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the
+French-horns, the kettle drums, and trumpets of his orchestra, in
+requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars
+called melodrames; and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his
+lightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost,
+or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history.</p>
+
+<p>Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the contrary, I am of opinion
+that, as to nations, the old maxim, that &quot;honesty is the best policy,&quot; is
+a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in the
+honest times when it was made; but, in these degenerate days, if a nation
+pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare
+something like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found his
+honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the
+case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands; which, like a
+worthy, unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the city
+of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortable
+nap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked
+his pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of
+this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil
+security, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of its
+government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history
+towards the end of a <a name='Page_156'></a>chapter; and as my readers, like myself, must
+doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, and
+the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a
+pipe, and having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new
+chapter.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>That my readers may the more fully comprehend the extent of the calamity
+at this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of
+Nieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I should
+give some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering upon the
+eastern frontier.</p>
+
+<p>Now so it came to pass that, many years previous to the time of which we
+are treating, the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain national
+creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in
+which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care to
+pay the toll-gatherers by the way.</p>
+
+<p>Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge
+their own opinions on all manner of subjects (a propensity exceedingly
+offensive to your free governments of Europe), did most presumptuously
+dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they
+considered a natural and unextinguishable right-the liberty of conscience.</p>
+
+<p>As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which always
+thinks aloud&mdash;which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is for ever
+galloping into other people's ears&mdash;it naturally followed that their
+liberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which being
+freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious
+indignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church.</p><a name='Page_157'></a>
+
+<p>The usual methods were adopted, to reclaim them, which in those days were
+considered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that is
+to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they
+were buffeted&mdash;line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here
+a little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and without
+success; until worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by their
+unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercy
+to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to &quot;heap live embers on their
+heads.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which has
+ever distinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject that
+heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the
+wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of
+talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this
+free-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such a
+clamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beast
+out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish,
+that they have been called dumb-fish ever since.</p>
+
+<p>This may appear marvelous, but it is nevertheless true; in proof of which
+I would observe, that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of
+superstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every true
+Yankee.</p>
+
+<p>The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strange
+folk in utter astonishment, but discovering that they wielded harmless,
+though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race of
+men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of
+Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifies
+silent men&mdash;a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar
+epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day.</p><a name='Page_158'></a>
+
+<p>True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass over
+the fact, that having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of
+persecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had become
+masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of
+thinking in matters of religion; but, to their great surprise and
+indignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were
+springing up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of speech.
+This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience,
+which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as one
+pleased in matters of religion, provided one thought right; for otherwise
+it would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, the
+majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequently
+followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong: and
+whoever thought wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being convinced
+and converted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of
+conscience, and a corrupt and infestious member of the body politic, and
+deserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of all
+which was a fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers.</p>
+
+<p>Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift up
+their hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which we
+contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the
+preposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, and
+establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerant
+persecution. But, in simple truth, what are we doing at this very day, and
+in this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principle
+in our political controversies? Have we not, within but a few years,
+released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied
+us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full <a name='Page_159'></a>latitude that
+invaluable member, the tongue? and are we not at this very moment striving
+our best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the
+fortunes of one another? What are our great political societies but mere
+political inquisitions&mdash;our pot-house committees but little tribunals of
+denunciation&mdash;our newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where
+unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs&mdash;and our council of
+appointment but a grand auto-da-fe, where culprits are annually sacrificed
+for their political heresies?</p>
+
+<p>Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those
+you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There is
+none; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, instead
+of banishing&mdash;we libel, instead of scourging&mdash;we turn out of office,
+instead of hanging&mdash;and where they burnt an offender in proper person, we
+either tar and feather, or burn him in effigy&mdash;this political persecution
+being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and an
+incontrovertible proof that this is a free country!</p>
+
+<p>But not withstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was
+prosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that the
+population of this new colony was in anywise hindered thereby; on the
+contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man
+unacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country.</p>
+
+<p>This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular custom
+prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling&mdash;a
+superstitious rite observed by the young people of both sexes, with which
+they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with
+religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This
+ceremony was likewise, in those <a name='Page_160'></a>primitive times, considered as an
+indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing where
+ours usually finish; by which means they acquired that intimate
+acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has
+been pronounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus
+early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of making
+a bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict adherence
+to the good old vulgar maxim about &quot;buying a pig in a poke.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the
+unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race: for it is a certain
+fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that
+wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing number
+of sturdy brats annually born unto the state, without the license of the
+law or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth
+operate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew up
+a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen,
+and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts,
+tended marvelously toward peopling those notable tracts of country called
+Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account of
+the origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastward
+of the Nieuw Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiar
+habits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutch
+ancestors.</p>
+
+<p>The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity with which,
+like the sons of<a name='Page_161'></a> Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and
+which continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to
+place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration,
+tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people to
+enjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may be
+considered the wandering Arab of America.</p>
+
+<p>His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, is to settle himself
+in the world&mdash;which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles.
+To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress,
+passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock-tortoiseshell combs,
+with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the
+mystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a heavy knapsack,
+wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he
+literally sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, household
+furniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his own
+and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin; which done, he shoulders
+his axe, takes his staff in hand, whistles &quot;Yankee doodle,&quot; and trudges
+off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, and
+relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a patriarch of
+yore, when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having
+buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away
+a corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon his labors, is
+soon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed
+urchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of the
+earth like a crop of toadstools.</p>
+
+<p>But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to rest
+contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment; improvement is his
+darling passion, and having thus improved his lands, the <a name='Page_162'></a>next care is to
+provide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of
+pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, large
+enough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions,
+but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of the
+ague.</p>
+
+<p>By the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed, either the
+funds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barely
+manages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrow
+together, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of
+pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with
+fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remaining
+unpainted, grows venerably black with time; the family wardrobe is laid
+under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to stuff into
+the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and
+howling about this aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as they
+did of yore in the cave of old &AElig;olius.</p>
+
+<p>The humble log hut which whilom nestled this improving family snugly
+within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in ignominious
+contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig-sty; and the whole scene
+reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been
+recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, which
+he had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the empty
+shell of a lobster, where he would no doubt have resided with great style
+and splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in the
+neighborhood, had he not perished with cold in one corner of his
+stupendous mansion.</p>
+
+<p>Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, &quot;to rights,&quot; one
+would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation,
+to read newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own <a name='Page_163'></a>business, and attend
+to the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen; but now
+it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon grows
+tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement&mdash;sells
+his farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart,
+shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wanders
+away in search of new lands&mdash;again to fell trees&mdash;again to clear
+corn-fields&mdash;again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off and
+wander.</p>
+
+<p>Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the eastern
+frontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my readers may easily imagine what
+uncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have
+been to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they
+have ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it
+hath pleased Heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a French
+boarding-house? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on
+the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping of
+fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children; he cannot
+sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses to
+serenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution on
+the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can he
+leave the street door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavory
+visits of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome
+ravages into the <i>sanctum sanctorum</i>, the parlor.</p>
+
+<p>If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, so
+situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed
+by their mercurial neighbors of Connecticut.</p>
+
+<p>Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New-Netherland
+settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their
+unparalleled volubility, and their intolerable inquisitiveness&mdash;two <a name='Page_164'></a>evil
+habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; for
+our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and
+who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own.
+Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending
+burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses,
+which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the
+modern right of search on the high seas.</p>
+
+<p>Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling and
+successes among the divine sex, for being a race of brisk, likely,
+pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the
+simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous
+customs, they attempted to introduce among them that bundling, which the
+Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and
+foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to
+follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and
+better acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced all
+such outlandish innovations.</p>
+
+<p>But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk
+was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in
+hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling
+themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the
+manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession
+of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the
+appellation of squatters, a name odious in the ears of all great
+landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize
+upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it
+afterward.</p><a name='Page_165'></a>
+
+<p>All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating,
+tended to form that dark and portentious cloud which, as I observed in a
+former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New
+Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be
+perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to
+their immortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this
+increasing mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by dint of
+carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry it
+without difficulty when he had grown to be an ox.</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='III_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have
+undertaken&mdash;exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had
+lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally
+forgotten; raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and
+endeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to
+their original form and connection; now lugging forth the character of an
+almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue: now deciphering a
+half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript,
+which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal.</p>
+
+<p>In such cases how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity
+of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him
+some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity,
+or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, that
+it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with
+which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had
+to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the <a name='Page_166'></a>works of my
+fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts
+respecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province of
+New Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to
+compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of
+fable, with this authentic history.</p>
+
+<p>I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in those parts of my
+history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in any
+other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested those
+quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlands no mercy in
+their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares
+that &quot;the Dutch were always mere intruders.&quot; Now, to this I shall make no
+other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which
+will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession
+in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully
+dispossessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandalously
+maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historians
+of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and
+impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame; for I would not wittingly
+dishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice,
+though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England.</p>
+
+<p>I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history that the
+territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to the
+Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had
+been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort
+Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It
+was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some
+historians will have it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class
+famous <a name='Page_167'></a>for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the
+limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs.
+He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent,
+that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the
+Giant Killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were
+sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot.</p>
+
+<p>But not withstanding the erection of this fort, and the appointment of
+this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the
+interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity
+to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop.</p>
+
+<p>The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these
+unwarrantable encroachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of
+inspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest to
+the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of
+the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all,
+to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went
+to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity,
+that greatly animated his adherents, and, no doubt, struck sore dismay and
+affright into the hearts of the enemy.</p>
+
+<p>Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller, full of years and honors, and council dinners, had reached the
+period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver,
+entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He
+employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an assemblage of sages
+equally enlightened, and nearly as venerable, as himself, and who, for
+their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness
+to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by
+certain profound corporations which I <a name='Page_168'></a>have known in my time. Upon reading
+the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, His Excellency
+fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to
+encounter; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest; he closed
+his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great
+attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, and which all
+who knew him declared to be the huge courthouse or council chamber of his
+thoughts, forming to his head what the House of Representatives does to
+the Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore,
+occasionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation was
+never known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman or
+child. In the meantime, the protect of Van Curlet lay quietly on the
+table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled
+in council; and, in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant
+Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon as
+completely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency
+swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of
+Congress.</p>
+
+<p>There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sage
+deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an
+ounce of hair-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious
+discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present; for while the
+renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his
+resolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed
+farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable
+appearance in the neighborhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded
+the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called,
+Weathersfield&mdash;a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that
+worthy historian, John Josselyn, gent., &quot;hath been infamous by reason of
+the witches <a name='Page_169'></a>therein.&quot; And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that
+they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is
+illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop,
+insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter
+without tears in their eyes.</p>
+
+<p>This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant
+Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of this
+choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent
+in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated.
+He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his
+breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row
+of abattis; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his
+perilous situation.</p>
+
+<p>The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily little man, as
+being less liable to be worn out or to lose leather on the journey; and,
+to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon horse in the
+garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness
+of trot; and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb on
+his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he
+make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month,
+though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and
+twenty miles.</p>
+
+<p>With an appearance of great hurry and business, and smoking a short
+traveling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanes
+of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the little
+Dutch children were making in the road, and for which kind of pastry the
+children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's
+house, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed doorkeeper,
+old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative,
+the venerable crier of our court, <a name='Page_170'></a>was nodding at his post, rattled at the
+door of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing
+over a plan for establishing a public market.</p>
+
+<p>At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was
+heard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the same
+instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from
+the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep
+sleep for the good of the community, and according to custom, in all such
+cases established, every man bawled out &quot;Silence!&quot; when, of a sudden, the
+door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased
+to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the
+sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous
+dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his
+galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of
+descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and,
+with more hurry than perspicuity, delivered his message. But, fortunately,
+his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most
+tranquil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just breathed and smoked
+his last; his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his
+peaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from his
+tobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often
+slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and
+Wilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_IV'></a><h2><a name='Page_171'></a><i>BOOK IV.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.</center>
+
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his description of the
+plague that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assures the
+reader that the history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious and
+pathetic; and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which a
+good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a
+favorite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable variety.</p>
+
+<p>In like manner did my heart leap within me when I came to the dolorous
+dilemma of Fort Good Hope, which I at once perceived to be the forerunner
+of a series of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the true
+subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of
+Newgate Calendar&mdash;a register of the crimes and miseries that man has
+inflicted on his fellow-men? It is a huge libel on human nature to which
+we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were
+building up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy, of our
+species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has
+written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation
+of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers,
+conquerors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and the
+stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind&mdash;warriors,
+who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not <a name='Page_172'></a>from motives of
+virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenseless, but merely
+to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring
+their fellow-beings! What are the great events that constitute a glorious
+era? The fall of empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendid
+cities smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art tumbled in the
+dust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven!</p>
+
+<p>It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries of
+mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten
+on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock
+navigation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed
+canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies,
+wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food for
+the historian.</p>
+
+<p>It is a source of great delight to the philosophers, in studying the
+wonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of
+things&mdash;how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most
+noxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms
+of flies which are so often execrated as useless vermin are created for
+the sustenance of spiders; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently
+made to devour flies. So those heroes who have been such scourges to the
+world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and historian,
+while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements
+of heroes!</p>
+
+<p>These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up
+my pen to commence the reign of William Kieft; for now the stream of our
+history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to
+depart, for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a
+turbulent and rugged scene.</p>
+
+<p>As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover field, dozing and
+chewing the cud, will bear <a name='Page_173'></a>repeated blows before it raises itself, so the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of
+the Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader
+will now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towards
+a state of war; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum,
+with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end
+foremost.</p>
+
+<p>Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, to borrow a
+favorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists, was of a
+lofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient town
+of Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious
+investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was
+one reason why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name,
+according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver;
+that is to say, a wrangler or scolder; and expressed the characteristic of
+his family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of
+Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any
+ten families in the place; and so truly did he inherit this family
+peculiarity that he had not been a year in the government of the province
+before he was universally denominated William the Testy. His appearance
+answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman,
+such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a
+broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of
+his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but his
+features were sharp; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red, by two
+fiery little gray eyes, his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouth
+turned down pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog.</p>
+
+<p>I have heard it observed by a profound adept in <a name='Page_174'></a>human physiology that if
+a woman waxes fat with the progress of years her tenure of life is
+somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she lives
+for ever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew
+tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through the
+process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt
+like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils
+and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the
+gallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made
+captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty
+in ancient saws and apophthegms, which he was wont to parade in his public
+harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his <i>spolia opima</i>. Of
+metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the
+bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas,
+and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident
+fact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got into
+an argument without getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion
+with his adversary for not being convinced gratis.</p>
+
+<p>He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the
+sciences, was fond of experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon
+inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, or
+country seat, at a short distance from the city, just at what is now
+called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity; patent
+smoke jacks that required a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roasted
+meat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathercocks that
+turned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances that
+astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with
+paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; and
+the yelling and yelping of the latter <a name='Page_175'></a>unhappy victims of science, while
+aiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of
+&quot;Dog's Misery,&quot; by which it continues to be known even at the present day.</p>
+
+<p>It is in knowledge as in swimming, he who flounders and splashes on the
+surface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl diver
+who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast
+acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple
+burghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the place as learned a man as
+a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet; and
+was unanimously pronounced a &quot;universal genius!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp; but, to speak my mind
+freely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth
+his weight in straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plain
+common sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or
+invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William
+the Testy aided him in the affairs of government.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff of
+fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to
+make them a speech on the state of affairs.</p>
+
+<p>Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace,
+modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft,
+not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical
+organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; in
+other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose; a
+preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators.</p><a name='Page_176'></a>
+
+<p>He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness
+of the high post to which he had been appointed, which made some of the
+simple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point
+of etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon office without
+declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in a
+manner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, and
+of the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the wars
+of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires
+which the worthy burghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after
+the manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he came
+by a natural roundabout transition to the matter in hand, namely, the
+daring aggressions of the Yankees.</p>
+
+<p>As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate has of handling
+his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the
+talk all on his own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy did
+not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called &quot;a
+taste of his quality.&quot; In speaking of their inroads into the territories
+of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls, who desolated
+Rome; the Goths and Vandals, who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but
+when he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they at
+Weathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed
+Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage
+started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question.</p>
+
+<p>Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerent
+look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument potent in
+its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from the
+land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his
+broad-skirted <a name='Page_177'></a>coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an
+instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table.</p>
+
+<p>The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife
+does at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in question
+had a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and from a broad
+red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a
+buckwheat pancake. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention.
+The document in question was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees to
+depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under
+pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punishments in such case made
+and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument
+that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated; pledging his valor as a governor that,
+once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two months
+drive every mother's son of them across the borders.</p>
+
+<p>The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for some
+time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of
+the governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation.</p>
+
+<p>As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to the
+frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small clothes, and,
+mounting a tall, raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of
+Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of
+state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but from
+the honored wife of his bosom, who was one of that class of females, sent
+upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of
+mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact,
+my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was
+a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal
+at more than half the <a name='Page_178'></a>tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like many
+other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years; and this was,
+that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that
+ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither
+laid down in Aristotle or Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of a
+pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government.
+An absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days,
+was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about
+the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on
+record.</p>
+
+<p>The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his
+particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points
+of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to
+which he submitted through choice; adding, at the same time, a profound
+maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that &quot;he who would aspire
+to govern should first learn to obey.&quot;</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still
+better, a more economical measure devised than this of defeating the
+Yankees by proclamation&mdash;an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane,
+there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding; but then, there
+was one chance to ten that it would not succeed. As the ill-natured Fates
+would have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation was
+perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and
+well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the
+Yankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated
+<a name='Page_179'></a>it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose,
+and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end&mdash;a fate
+which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors.</p>
+
+<p>So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued their
+encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche river, and
+founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have
+already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus
+Van Curlet and his garrison, but now these moss troopers increased in
+their atrocities, kidnaping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes
+grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could
+scarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh, or
+taken in in bargaining; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee pedlar
+would penetrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives
+with tinware and wooden bowls.<a name='FNanchor_34'></a><a href='#Footnote_34'><sup>[34]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>I am well aware of the perils which environ me <a name='Page_180'></a>in this part of my
+history. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among the
+mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of
+wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in
+meddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his
+ears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee
+race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of
+certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such
+a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough
+hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their
+stings.</p>
+
+<p>Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament&mdash;not my
+misfortune in giving offence&mdash;but the wrong-headed perverseness of an
+ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their
+ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I
+would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recording
+the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of the
+honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be
+bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth,
+now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go
+farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we
+impartial historians are sent into the world&mdash;to redress wrongs, and
+render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful
+nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner or
+later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in
+return.</p>
+
+<p>Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll warrant it,
+while they were harassing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and driving its unhappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian would
+ever arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am but
+performing <a name='Page_181'></a>my bounden duty as a historian in avenging the wrongs of our
+reverend ancestors, I shall make no further apology; and, indeed, when it
+is considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my
+power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I
+conduct myself with great humanity and moderation.</p>
+
+<p>It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that his
+much-vaunted war measure was ineffectual; on the contrary, he flew in a
+passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that though slow in operating,
+yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of those
+invaders. When convinced at length of the truth, like a shrewd physician,
+he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of the
+medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a
+second proclamation more vehement than the first, forbidding all
+intercourse with these Yankee intruders; ordering the Dutch burghers on
+the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple
+sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish them
+with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout.</p>
+
+<p>Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as little
+regarded as the first, and the non-intercourse was especially set at
+nought by the young folks of both sexes.</p>
+
+<p>At length one day inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious
+barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld to their surprise the whole
+garrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and way-worn,
+with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy
+intelligence of the capture of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees.</p>
+
+<p>The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to all
+military commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine; nor was
+it undermined, nor bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot <a name='Page_182'></a>shot, but was
+taken by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which can never
+fail of success whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice.</p>
+
+<p>It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison of
+Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one-eighth by the death of two
+of his most corpulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fat
+salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was immediately
+set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habits
+of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners and
+smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noonstide of a sultry summer's
+day, and surprised them in the midst of their slumbers.</p>
+
+<p>In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and the
+Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by way of a
+spread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fisted
+Yankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck,
+conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the
+crupper, as Charles XII dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at the
+battle of Narva; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in consideration
+of his official dignity.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_34'></a><a href='#FNanchor_34'>[34]</a><div class='note'><p> The following cases in point appear in Hazard's &quot;Collection
+of State Papers:&quot;&mdash;&quot;In the meantime, they of Hartford have not onely
+usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although uprighteously and
+against the lawes of nations, but have hindered our nation in sowing
+theire own purchased broken-up lands, but have also sowed them with corne
+in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe;
+and have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the honored companie,
+which were labouring upon theire masters' lands, from theire lands, with
+sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and, among the rest,
+struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his head with a stick, so
+that the bloode ran downe very strongly downe upon his body.&quot;
+</p><p>
+&quot;Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored companie,
+under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde grass, when they had
+not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg for 5s. if the
+commissioners would have given 5s. for damage; which the commissioners
+denied, because noe man's own hogg (as men used to say), can trespass upon
+his owne master's grounde.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Language cannot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing of
+the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too
+great for words, or rather the words were too great for him (being a very
+small man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, nine-cornered Dutch
+oaths and epithets which crowded at one into his gullet. At length his
+words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge,
+anathematising <a name='Page_183'></a>the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven,
+schobbejacken, deugenieten, twist-zoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken,
+kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately for
+posterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he would
+have nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling, guessing,
+questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses-daubing,
+shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-peddling
+crew&mdash;that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would
+dirty his hands by attempting to drive them away; in proof of which he
+ordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter
+quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency
+now fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared that the conquerors
+of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march on
+to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province to
+Connecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw
+Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans, insomuch that
+the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to
+frighten their unruly children.</p>
+
+<p>Everybody clamored round the governor, imploring him to put the city in a
+complete posture of defence, and he listened to their clamors. Nobody
+could accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any
+other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little
+purpose. When a youngling he had been impressed with the words of Solomon,
+&quot;Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise,&quot; in
+conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn;
+hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or wherefore, busying himself
+about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and
+toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was
+moving a mountain.<a name='Page_184'></a> In the present instance he called in all his inventive
+powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, making
+diagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at his
+heels. At length, after a world of consultation and contrivance, his plans
+of defence ended in rearing a great flag-staff in the center of the fort,
+and perching a windmill on each bastion.</p>
+
+<p>These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm,
+especially after an additional means of securing the safety of the city
+had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in
+this most authentic history that in the domestic establishment of William
+the Testy &quot;the grey mare was the better horse;&quot; in other words, that his
+wife &quot;ruled the roast,&quot; and, in governing the governor, governed the
+province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government.</p>
+
+<p>Now it came to pass that this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly,
+robustious trumpeter, named Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind;
+and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument
+that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the
+Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose.</p>
+
+<p>This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant,
+burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little bowery, or
+retreat in the country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances to
+the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that
+he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is
+said to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair
+sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate.<a name='FNanchor_35'></a><a href='#Footnote_35'><sup>[35]</sup></a></p>
+<a name='Page_185'></a>
+<p>To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time
+of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plans
+of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held
+at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided: and this
+lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result
+of these councils was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the post
+of commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's
+heart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with
+delight, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twanging
+defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the
+principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands
+of Anthony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent as
+the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto;
+nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns
+celebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jericho
+fell down.</p>
+
+<p>Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the east
+gradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, they
+declared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected
+within their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, they
+continued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenances
+imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade
+with the Netherlands as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the
+windward of them in a bargain.</p>
+
+<p>The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the governor's lady
+attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the
+military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Anthony
+the Trumpeter.</p><a name='Page_186'></a>
+
+<p>There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who sneered at the
+governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind;
+but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills; he had seen
+them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam; and was
+persuaded they were connected with the great science of defence; nay, so
+much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he
+introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day,
+quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento
+of his policy.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the
+Manhattoes, skilful in expounding signs and mysteries, after events have
+come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into the
+escutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the
+beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would
+be elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee, and patient industry
+overtopped by windy speculation.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_35'></a><a href='#FNanchor_35'>[35]</a><div class='note'><p> The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists;
+but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays excepting on
+sleighing parties, by the descendants of the patriarchs, who still
+preserve the traditions of the city.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down
+the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those
+humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we
+find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious to
+preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments
+of country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever
+proposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck; whereby, in
+case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up&mdash;and there the
+matter ended.</p>
+
+<p>The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one
+trifling alteration in the <a name='Page_187'></a>judicial code; and legal matters were so clear
+and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of
+employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to
+litigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that
+they make scarce any figure in history; it being only your litigatous,
+quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world.</p>
+
+<p>I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the
+internal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him had
+he in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon the
+precaution of the good Charondas; or had he looked nearer home at the
+protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed
+without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy,
+meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the
+true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He
+accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments
+for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by
+ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the
+sequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances,
+too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without
+the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap.</p>
+
+<p>In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent; a
+class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were
+instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to
+abound, and the community was soon set together by the ears.</p>
+
+<p>Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession
+of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order.
+Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy
+gentlemen, the knights-errant <a name='Page_188'></a>of modern days, who go about redressing
+wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre,
+nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing
+good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my
+ink-bottle for ever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the
+dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the
+contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter
+days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant
+Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry; who, under its
+auspices, commit flagrant wrongs; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and
+chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are
+engendered.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of
+gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty,
+vexatious, and disgraceful suits were it not for the herds of
+pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more
+ignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in
+itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in
+medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to
+augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifogger
+exhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack
+is for ever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with
+infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after
+prone to embroil himself with his neighbors, and impoverish himself with
+successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I
+have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool and
+unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent
+city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having been
+nearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me; <a name='Page_189'></a>and my ruin
+having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor.</p>
+
+<p>To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral
+offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more
+strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the
+root of all evil, and determined to cut it up root and branch, and
+extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his
+travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices
+posted up in country towns, that &quot;any vagrant found begging there would be
+put in the stocks,&quot; and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in
+these neighborhoods; having doubtless thrown off their rags and their
+poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to
+improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine of his own
+invention was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less
+than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction,
+far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment
+of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so
+renowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the
+culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerable
+custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling
+between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time, to the infinite
+entertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually
+attend exhibitions of the kind.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, vagrants, and beggars
+and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way. As to those
+who had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant
+misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood
+convicted of large debts which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had
+them straightway enclosed within the stone walls <a name='Page_190'></a>of a prison, there to
+remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient,
+however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under William the
+Testy than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poor
+devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew.</p>
+
+<h5>END OF VOLUME I.</h5>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='KNICKERBOCKERS'></a><h2><a name='Page_191'></a>KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK. <br /> VOLUME II.</h2>
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VOLII_INTRODUCTION'></a><h2><a name='Page_193'></a><a name='Page_192'></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+<br />
+
+<p>The playful devices by which attention was directed to the coming
+publication of the History of Diedrich Knickerbocker are represented in
+the author's opening to the first volume. Irving joined afterward in
+business as a sleeping partner, visited England in 1815, and, while
+cordially welcomed here by Thomas Campbell, Walter Scott, and others, the
+failure of his brother's business obliged him to make writing his
+profession. The publishers at first refused to take one of the most
+charming of his works, the &quot;Sketch Book&quot;; but John Murray yielded at last
+to the influence of Walter Scott, and paid &pound;200 for the copyright of it, a
+sum afterward increased to &pound;400. &quot;Bracebridge Hall&quot; and the &quot;Tales of a
+Traveler&quot; followed. Irving went to Spain with the American Ambassador to
+translate documents and acquire experience which he used afterward in
+successive books. &quot;The Life and Voyages of Columbus&quot; appeared in 1828, and
+was followed by &quot;Voyages of the Companions of Columbus.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, this time as Secretary to
+the American Legation. He published the &quot;Conquest of Granada.&quot; In 1831 he
+received the honorary degree of LL.D. from the University of Oxford. Then
+he returned to America, published in 1832 &quot;The Alhambra;&quot; in 1835 &quot;Legends
+of the Conquest of Spain.&quot; In 1842 he went again to Spain, this time as
+American Minister. Other works were produced, and at the close of his life
+he achieved his early ambition, by writing a Life of Washington, after
+whom he had been named, and who had laid his hand upon his <a name='Page_194'></a>head and
+blessed him when he was a child of five. Although the first of the five
+volumes of the Life of Washington did not appear until he was more than
+seventy years old, he lived to complete his work, and died on the 28th of
+November, 1859. Washington Irving never married. He had loved in his early
+years a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, had sat by her death-bed when
+she was a girl of seventeen, and waited until his own death restored her
+to him.</p>
+
+<p>H.M.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='HISTORY_OF_NEW_YORK'></a><h2><a name='Page_195'></a>HISTORY OF NEW YORK <br /> <i>BOOK IV</i>. (<i>continued.</i>)</h2>
+
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those
+of William the Testy for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon
+of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous,
+had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of
+Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the
+precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets
+of New Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than
+strings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish,
+and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the
+simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchange
+for peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money
+of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of
+the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who
+used it to ornament their robes and moccasins; but among the honest
+burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the
+paper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weight
+with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company and
+all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to
+sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern<a name='Page_196'></a>
+Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to
+New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation.</p>
+
+<p>And now for a time affairs went on swimmingly; money became as plentiful
+as in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase,
+&quot;a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity.&quot; Yankee traders
+poured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on,
+and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price&mdash;in Indian money. If the
+latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their
+tinware and wooden bowls the case was altered; nothing would do but Dutch
+guilders, and such-like &quot;metallic currency.&quot; What was worse, the Yankees
+introduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster shells, with which
+they deluged the province, carrying off all the silver and gold, the Dutch
+herrings and Dutch cheeses: thus early did the knowing men of the East
+manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the
+oyster, and leaving them the shell.<a name='FNanchor_36'></a><a href='#Footnote_36'><sup>[36]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible how
+completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his
+eastern neighbors; <a name='Page_197'></a>nor would he probably have ever found it out had not
+tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long
+Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were
+coining up all the oyster banks.</p>
+
+<p>Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense,
+financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster
+figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind
+of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes; as witness the temples
+erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the
+standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft
+crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington.</p>
+
+<p>The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the
+pockets, but on the larders of the New Amsterdammers; the whole community
+was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the
+Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the standard; nay, some of
+the most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a
+<i>corps de reserve</i>, only to be called into action when the sacking
+commenced.</p>
+
+<p>The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who,
+for size and weight, might have matched with Colbrand, the Danish
+champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province
+for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff; or rather, Brinkerhoofd; that is to say, Stoffel the
+Head-breaker.</p>
+
+<p>This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led
+his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and
+Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any
+difficulty of note, though it is said that some of the burgomasters gave
+out at<a name='Page_198'></a> Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry Hollow; and that others lost heart,
+and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until
+he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay.</p>
+
+<p>Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by Preserved
+Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and
+Determined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily
+believed the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let loose
+upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the &quot;select men&quot;
+of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only
+to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of
+arguing&mdash;that was with the cudgel; but he used it with such effect that he
+routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the
+inhabitants into the sea, if they had not managed to escape across the
+Sound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to this
+day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees.</p>
+
+<p>Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and
+uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand
+triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William
+the Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a
+Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the
+enemy, were borne before him; and an immense store of oysters and clams,
+Weathersfield onions, and Yankee &quot;notions&quot; formed the <i>spolia opima;</i>
+while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the
+hero's triumph.</p>
+
+<p>The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes,
+performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells,
+while Anthony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts.</p><a name='Page_199'></a>
+
+<p>A great banquet was served up in the Stadthouse from the clams and oysters
+taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the
+mint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his
+troops.</p>
+
+<p>It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among
+the ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues,
+passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to
+paint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign!</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_36'></a><a href='#FNanchor_36'>[36]</a><div class='note'><p> In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library
+of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of Indian
+money:&mdash;&quot;Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the Quahang or
+whelk, a shell-fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more
+rare occurrence of two colors, black and white; the former twice the value
+of the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black for an
+English penny. The seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England
+people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the
+best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large quantity of
+beavers' and other furs, by which the company is defrauded of her
+revenues, and the merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed
+with which they might wish to meet their engagements; while their
+commissioners and the inhabitants remain overstocked with seawant, a sort
+of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages,&quot; etc.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the
+inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they
+became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the
+little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent
+exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry; and
+the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a
+batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at
+large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy
+commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam;
+insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and
+perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and
+abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is
+disfigured.</p>
+
+<p>The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam's ass, began
+to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition for
+what is called &quot;self-government.&quot; This restive propensity was first
+evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New
+Amsterdam met to talk <a name='Page_200'></a>and smoke over the complicated affairs of the
+province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco
+smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang
+loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers
+abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmiths
+suffered their fires to go out, while they stirred up the fires of
+faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity,
+neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government.</p>
+
+<p>Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally
+understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to
+exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word
+for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William the
+Testy.</p>
+
+<p>Under the instructions of these political oracles, the good people of New
+Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened; and, as a matter of course,
+exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error in
+which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people in
+creation; and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary not
+withstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined
+people!</p>
+
+<p>We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary
+causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders,
+and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this
+said by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these
+observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man
+groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render him
+wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity: as it would be an herculean
+task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could
+topple him off thence.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that these popular <a name='Page_201'></a>meetings were generally
+held at some noted tavern; these public edifices possessing what in modern
+times are thought the true fountains of political inspiration. The ancient
+Germans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it when
+sober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon a
+subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a world
+of delay is spared; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk
+sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as his
+sober neighbors.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a
+small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been
+greatly annoyed by the facetious meetings of the good people of New
+Amsterdam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in
+their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the
+affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and
+tobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began
+forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all
+its uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the
+public pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness,
+and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, he
+issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New
+Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age, and
+attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have
+struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in
+fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New
+Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace&mdash;was he <a name='Page_202'></a>gay, he
+smoked: was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it was
+a part of his physiognomy; without it, his best friends would not know
+him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!</p>
+
+<p>The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular
+commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an
+immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor's
+house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William
+issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawless
+fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and
+puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the
+governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle.</p>
+
+<p>A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Anthony the Trumpeter. The
+governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked
+into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he
+abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller,
+denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he
+condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business; in place whereof
+he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which,
+he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the
+hatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming
+insurrection, which was long known by the name of the Pipe Plot, and
+which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots
+and seditions, in mere smoke.</p>
+
+<p>But mark, O reader! the deplorable evils which did afterward result. The
+smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud
+about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all
+the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them as
+<a name='Page_203'></a>vaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, from
+being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch
+yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried,
+leather-hided race.</p>
+
+<p>Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco pipes we may date the
+rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-important
+burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered
+to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long
+Pipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more
+convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian
+name of Short Pipes.</p>
+
+<p>A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the
+companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether, and took
+up chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids; an appellation since
+given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two
+great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass.</p>
+
+<p>And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving
+the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into
+three classes&mdash;those who think for themselves, those who think as others
+think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the
+great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a
+file-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body of
+people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the
+lead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they
+must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above
+all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who is
+not a thoroughgoing hater.</p>
+
+<p>The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being divided
+into parties, were enabled <a name='Page_204'></a>to hate each other with great accuracy. And
+now the great business of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and
+Short Pipes assemblings in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each
+other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and
+profit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter
+their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so
+strong in the Dutch language; believing, like true politicians, that they
+served their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayed
+their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all
+parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor
+of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them.</p>
+
+<p>Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped,
+and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign
+expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;
+all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by &quot;numerous and
+respectable meetings&quot; of pot-house politicians.</p>
+
+<p>In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the
+multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William
+Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to
+perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion
+with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, that
+your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily
+upset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, who
+was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his
+ear. The consequence was that though a projector of the first class, yet,
+by continually changing his projects, he gave none a fair trial; and by
+endeavoring to do everything, he, in sober truth, did nothing.</p><a name='Page_205'></a>
+
+<p>In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showed
+themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governor
+with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and
+reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky
+devil of a hack-horse; so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a
+gallop throughout the whole of his administration.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like a
+vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of
+thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an
+evil; and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the
+time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, in
+fact, is a pestilent shrew, and, withal, an inexorable creditor; and
+though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in
+long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a
+vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. &quot;Since,&quot; says good
+old Boethius, &quot;no man can retain her at his pleasure, what are her favors
+but sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the
+Croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men
+rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that the
+higher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the lower must
+be his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of a
+ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs
+very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top.</p>
+
+<p>Philosophical readers of this stamp must have <a name='Page_206'></a>doubtless indulged in
+dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter,
+and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not
+be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his
+days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the
+Testy.</p>
+
+<p>The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the
+discoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and
+Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of
+Oloffe the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts were
+carried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. The
+consequence was many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and
+then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like
+the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without,
+however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the
+Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little
+governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from the
+Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony of
+Swedes in the South, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, and
+displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken
+possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their
+expedition by one Peter Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman,
+formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses; but who now declared
+himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the
+name of the province of New Sweden.</p>
+
+<p>It is an old saying, that &quot;a little pot is soon hot,&quot; which was the case
+with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and
+once in a passion he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the
+receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that
+had been <a name='Page_207'></a>heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and
+Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he
+resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched a
+document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of
+Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of
+vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the
+potentates of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors
+which had been thundered against the Yankees, and William Kieft was
+preparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when he
+received intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who had
+taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there.
+They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly
+expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the
+rough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their
+prototypes and cousins-german the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne
+considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, much
+given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple toddy; whence
+their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland,
+which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day.</p>
+
+<p>In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were
+represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as
+his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east; having both
+come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other
+words, to live as they pleased; the Yankees taking to praying and
+money-making and converting Quakers, and the Southerners to horse-racing
+and cock-fighting and breeding negroes.</p>
+
+<p>Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval
+armament of two <a name='Page_208'></a>sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was
+armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful
+speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch.</p>
+
+<p>Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon
+the enemy just as they were engaged in a great &quot;barbecue,&quot; a king of
+festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them with
+the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy,
+canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-driving,
+tavern-haunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts: and
+concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately; to which
+they laconically replied in plain English, &quot;They'd see him d&mdash;&mdash;d first!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus
+Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally
+unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the
+admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report
+progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where
+he arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small
+expense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the
+universal appellation of the Savior of his Country, and his services were
+suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the
+top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole
+years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for firewood.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_X'></a><h3>CHAPTER X.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>About this time, the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears
+to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have
+been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following
+up the expedition of<a name='Page_209'></a> Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measures
+against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called
+away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of
+which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter.</p>
+
+<p>The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific
+governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of Bearn
+Island by <i>wapen recht</i>. While the governor doubted and did nothing, the
+lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of
+Rensellaersteen, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the
+Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest
+fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon,
+accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate
+his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty
+it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed,
+unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag,
+lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of Rensellaersteen.</p>
+
+<p>This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords
+States General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter the
+Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy, on coming into
+office and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian
+Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degrees
+a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been established in
+the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the
+very name of Rensellaersteen.</p>
+
+<p>Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the company's yacht, the
+Half Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was
+quietly tiding it down the Hudson; the commander, Govert Lockerman, a
+veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the
+high <a name='Page_210'></a>poop, quietly smoking his pipe, under the shadow of the proud flag
+of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by a
+stentorian voice from the shore, &quot;Lower thy flag, and be d&mdash;&mdash;d to thee!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his
+eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus
+discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn,
+armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a
+steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian Van
+Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor.</p>
+
+<p>Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be
+dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, &quot;To whom should I lower
+my flag?&quot; demanded he. &quot;To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the
+lord of Rensellaersteen!&quot; was the reply.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;I lower it to none but the Prince Orange and my masters, the Lords States
+General.&quot; So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged
+determination.</p>
+
+<p>Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging.
+Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly.</p>
+
+<p>Bang! went another gun; the shot whistling close astern.</p>
+
+<p>&quot;Fire, and be d&mdash;&mdash;d,&quot; cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge of
+tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence.</p>
+
+<p>Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in
+the &quot;princely flag of Orange.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert
+Lockerman; he maintained a stubborn though swelling silence, but his
+smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke
+emitted from his pipe, by which he <a name='Page_211'></a>might be tracked for miles, as he
+slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact, he
+never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the Highlands of
+the Hudson, when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said
+to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give
+particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood.</p>
+
+<p>It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog's Misery, bearing
+in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of
+William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the
+marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the
+little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it to
+say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery
+topsy-turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the
+window; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went
+into a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by
+Anthony Van Corlear, the trumpeter.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_XI'></a><h3>CHAPTER XI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end
+of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patron of
+Rensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with
+the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land.
+The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to
+evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling
+for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates,
+his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for
+diplomacy.</p>
+
+<p>Accordingly Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the
+company's yacht, the<a name='Page_212'></a> Goed Hoop, bearing Anthony the Trumpeter as
+ambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. In
+the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Anthony the
+Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parly to the forces. In a little
+while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, rose
+above the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and ultimately his
+whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth; while one by one a
+whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall,
+and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing
+daunted by this formidable array, Anthony Van Corlear drew forth and read
+with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against
+the usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the
+premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of
+the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end
+of his nose, and the thumb of the left hand to the little finger of the
+right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with
+his fingers. Anthony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this
+sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking to
+betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of
+William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right
+hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little
+finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. Anthony
+Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or
+symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a new
+diplomat like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of
+William the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded
+his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down the
+river, every now and then practising <a name='Page_213'></a>this mysterious sign of the
+wacht-meester, to keep it accurately in mind.</p>
+
+<p>Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of his embassy to the
+governor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas
+Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. He was
+deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, but they threw no light on
+the matter. He knew ever variety of windmill and weathercock, but was not
+a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in
+Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic symbols of the obelisk, but none
+furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his
+council. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the
+thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the
+finger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign.
+Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put
+in capitals, but all in vain, the worthy burgomasters were equally
+perplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his
+nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony Van
+Corlear, then smoked on in dubious silence. Several times was Anthony
+obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time
+a circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber.</p>
+
+<p>Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayers
+and fortune tellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could
+interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up in
+sore perplexity. The matter got abroad; Anthony Van Corlear was stopped at
+every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each
+of whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to
+carry the story home of his family. For several days all business was
+neglected in New Amsterdam; <a name='Page_214'></a>nothing was talked of but the diplomatic
+mission of Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots of
+politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fierce
+feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first
+had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other war
+questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy.</p>
+
+<p>Still, to this early affair of Rensellaersteen may be traced the remote
+origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the
+Helderberg, and have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van
+Rensellaers to its foundation: for we are told that the bully boys of the
+Helderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, carried
+back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled
+Anthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so that to the
+present day, the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be
+the reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any long arrears
+of rent.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='IV_CHAPTER_XII'></a><h3>CHAPTER XII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times who had a nearer
+opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace
+lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes;
+and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned,
+and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts; for about
+this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north,
+incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon the
+pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some
+broad-bottomed express rider, covered <a name='Page_215'></a>with mud and mire, would come
+floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale
+of aggression from the frontier; whereupon Anthony Van Corlear, seizing
+his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days,
+would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and
+disastrous cadence, as to throw half the old women in the city into
+hysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, there
+being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently
+treated to a panic&mdash;a secret well known to modern editors.</p>
+
+<p>But oh, ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of
+the Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter,
+protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch,
+were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters of
+the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant
+campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent victory at
+Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of
+his foul weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up
+of those clouds and indications of more portentous tempests; for the
+Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable
+occasion their incompetency to cope in fair fight with the sturdy chivalry
+of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their
+brethren who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived the
+name of Yankee land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence
+was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New
+Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the &quot;United Colonies of New
+England;&quot; the pretended object of which was mutual defense against the
+savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts.</p><a name='Page_216'></a>
+
+<p>For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of history, the
+Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the
+modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people
+destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it.
+In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people; of that class who
+only require an inch to gain an ell; or a halter to gain a horse. From the
+time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate,
+progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making
+a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that
+a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received the
+nickname of &quot;The Pilgrims,&quot; that is to say, a people who are always
+seeking a better country than their own.</p>
+
+<p>The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay,
+and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeable
+piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that he
+had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this
+was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic League, by which the states of
+Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heart
+quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of
+delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this
+truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to
+the New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the
+Indians, with carrying on a traffic in &quot;guns, powther, and shott&mdash;a trade
+damnable and injurious to the colonists.&quot; It is true the Connecticut
+traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic; but then
+they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, <a name='Page_217'></a>ingeniously calculated
+to burst in the pagan hands which used them.</p>
+
+<p>The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of
+William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head,
+but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented
+in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of
+New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued
+occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea
+captain fires his guns into a water spout, but, alas! they had no more
+effect than so many blank cartridges.</p>
+
+<p>Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy,
+for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times,
+he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for ever
+through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern
+that such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for he was in truth
+a mighty and great little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned,
+seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the
+art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and
+windmills.</p>
+
+<p>It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were
+great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysterious
+exit, have fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and
+forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the crab;
+while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fate
+similar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient
+bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairyland, where he
+still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another
+return to restore the <a name='Page_218'></a>gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity,
+which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.<a name='FNanchor_37'></a><a href='#Footnote_37'><sup>[37]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of
+those dreaming varlets the poets, to which I would not have my judicious
+reader attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient
+and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus
+was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills, nor a writer
+of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in
+natural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from a garret
+window of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling
+salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that
+he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore,
+discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill
+mountains.<a name='FNanchor_38'></a><a href='#Footnote_38'><sup>[38]</sup></a></p>
+<a name='Page_219'></a>
+<p>The most probable account declares, that what with the constant troubles
+on his frontiers&mdash;the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own
+pericranium&mdash;the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of
+advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractory
+disposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on every
+point, and uniformly to be in the wrong&mdash;his mind was kept in a furnace
+heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which
+has passed through three generations <a name='Page_220'></a>of hard smokers. In this manner did
+he undergo a kind of animal combustion consuming away like a farthing
+rushlight, so that when grim Death finally snuffed him out, there was
+scarcely left enough of him to bury!</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_37'></a><a href='#FNanchor_37'>[37]</a><div class='note'><p> &quot;The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead,
+but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he sholde
+remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne in as great
+authority as ever.&quot;&mdash;<i>Holinshed</i>.
+</p><p>
+&quot;The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all Britaigne;
+for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn&mdash;He say'd that his deth
+shall be doubteous; and said soth, for men thereof yet have doubte and
+shullen for evermore, for men wyt not whether that he lyveth or is
+dede.&quot;&mdash;<i>De Leew Chron</i>.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_38'></a><a href='#FNanchor_38'>[38]</a><div class='note'><p> Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after
+truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which border a
+little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore rests on something
+better than mere tradition. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of
+Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own
+observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a
+treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the
+latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment, the weight
+and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and
+Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump and gave it to be proved by a
+skillful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montagne, one of the
+councillors of the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and
+yielded two pieces of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues
+Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the
+Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain, in the region
+of the Kaatskill, under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the
+precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful of ore, which, being
+submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William
+Kieft now thought the discovery certain. He sent a confidential person,
+Arent Corsen, with a bagful of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage
+in an English ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel
+sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board perished.<a name='FNanchor_A'></a><a href='#Footnote_A'><sup>[A]</sup></a>
+</p><p>
+In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the
+<i>Princess</i>, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The ship
+was never heard of more!
+</p><p>
+Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but pyrites;
+but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the
+experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned doctor of medicine, on
+the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that
+time secretary of the New Netherlands, declared, in Holland, that he had
+tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory. It
+would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill always
+brought ill luck; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent Corsen and
+Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to
+convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have never since
+been explored, but remain among the mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains,
+and under the protection of the goblins which haunt them.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_A'></a><a href='#FNanchor_A'>[A]</a><div class='note'><p> See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlands,
+Collect. New York Hist. Society, vol. i., p. 161.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_V'></a><h2><a name='Page_221'></a><i>BOOK V.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.</center>
+
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a
+subject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half way,
+there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great
+man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of
+ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it
+is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceedingly
+small space in the world; and it is equally certain, that even that small
+space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. &quot;Of what consequence is
+it,&quot; said Pliny, &quot;that individuals appear, or make their exit? the world
+is a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing.&quot; Never did
+philosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder that so wise a remark
+could have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to
+heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps out
+of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him; and of
+the proudest monarch it is merely said that, &quot;he slept with his fathers,
+and his successor reigned in his stead.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss,
+and, if left to itself, would soon forget to grieve; and though a nation
+has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man,
+yet it is ten to one if an individual <a name='Page_222'></a>tear has been shed on the occasion,
+excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian,
+the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to
+sustain; who, kind souls! like undertakers in England, act the part of
+chief mourners; who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and
+deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the
+patriotic author is weeping and howling in prose, in blank verse, and in
+rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into
+a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating
+and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter
+lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe and
+Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to
+become sureties.</p>
+
+<p>The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered
+into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some
+historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to
+posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, and
+turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I
+question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic
+history for all his future celebrity.</p>
+
+<p>His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its
+vicinity; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their
+spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain
+persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks
+(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang
+their heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next
+night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever
+did, on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The
+good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a
+very busy, active, <a name='Page_223'></a>bustling little governor; that he was &quot;the father of
+his country;&quot; that he was &quot;the noblest work of God;&quot; that &quot;he was a man,
+take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again;&quot;
+together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, regularly said
+on the death of all great men; after which they smoked their pipes,
+thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller,
+the best of our ancient Dutch governors; Wouter having surpassed all who
+preceded him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old
+Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never
+been equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man fitted by
+Nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not
+the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters,
+destined them to inextricable confusion.</p>
+
+<p>To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice; he
+was, in truth, a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned
+make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules
+would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertook
+to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes
+Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise for
+his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like the
+self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign
+people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very
+bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial
+excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental
+advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have
+graced any of their heroes.</p>
+
+<p>This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which <a name='Page_224'></a>was the only prize he had
+gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was
+so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all
+his other limbs put together; indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that he
+had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused
+it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver
+leg.<a name='FNanchor_39'></a><a href='#Footnote_39'><sup>[39]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore
+bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and
+attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the manner of
+his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders
+with his walking staff.</p>
+
+<p>Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or
+Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a
+shrewdness and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly expect from
+a man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True it
+is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to
+experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest
+manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the
+erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to
+assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few
+laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and
+impartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as
+well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes
+yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten.</p>
+
+<p>He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither
+tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting,
+like William the Testy; but a man, or rather a governor, of such <a name='Page_225'></a>uncommon
+activity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the
+advice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero
+of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and
+dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete him
+as a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that he
+always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found
+himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting,
+by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he
+possessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a statesman, called
+perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. A
+wonderful salve for official blunders; since he who perseveres in error
+without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he
+who wavers, in seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer.
+This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all
+legislators great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute
+which way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself,
+while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great
+risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's
+foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The
+clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours,
+while others may keep going continually, and be continually going wrong.</p>
+
+<p>Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people
+of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the
+independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by
+their new governor, that they universally called him Hard Koppig Piet, or
+Peter the Headstrong, a great compliment to the strength of his
+understanding.</p>
+
+<p>If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, <a name='Page_226'></a>worthy reader, that
+Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome,
+obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor,
+either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at
+drawing conclusions.</p>
+
+<p>This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of
+May, 1647; a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacks of
+the time which have come down to us by the name of &quot;Windy Friday.&quot; As he
+was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated
+into office with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like
+manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone, in
+Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements,
+together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed &quot;hanging day,&quot;
+did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonable
+apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants; and
+several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in
+the mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare outright that
+they were omens of a disastrous administration; an event that came to be
+lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of
+attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and
+visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on
+which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance; or to
+those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, and
+flarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the oracular
+Sibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate
+inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much
+is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant <a name='Page_227'></a>succeeded to the chair of state at a
+turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, when
+anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the
+authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though
+supported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, and
+proclamations, yet tottered to its very center; and when the great city of
+New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills,
+seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and
+ready to yield to the first invader.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_39'></a><a href='#FNanchor_39'>[39]</a><div class='note'><p> See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of
+government, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a little
+marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself
+constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his
+privy council, the members of which had acquired the unreasonable habit of
+thinking and speaking to themselves during the preceding reign, he
+determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely,
+therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office
+all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy;
+in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from those fat,
+somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under
+the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished
+with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent
+corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the
+good of the nation, while he took the burden of government upon his own
+shoulders&mdash;an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence.</p><a name='Page_228'></a>
+
+<p>Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and
+expedients of his learned predecessor&mdash;rooting up his patent gallows,
+where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing his
+flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts
+of New Amsterdam; pitching to the Duyvel whole batteries of Quaker guns;
+and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and
+windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam.</p>
+
+<p>The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their
+matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious
+favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet.
+Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and
+eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would
+have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass&mdash;&quot;Pr'ythee, who and
+what art thou?&quot; said he. &quot;Sire,&quot; replied the other, in no wise dismayed,
+&quot;for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear&mdash;for my parentage, I am the son of
+my mother&mdash;for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great
+city of New Amsterdam.&quot; &quot;I doubt me much,&quot; said Peter Stuyvesant, &quot;that
+thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave: how didst thou acquire this
+paramount honor and dignity?&quot; &quot;Marry, sir,&quot; replied the other, &quot;like many
+a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trumpet.&quot; &quot;Ay, is it so?&quot;
+quoth the governor; &quot;why, then, let us have a relish of thy art.&quot;
+Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a
+charge with such tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a
+triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of
+one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger,
+grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up
+his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the
+heroic Peter joy to <a name='Page_229'></a>hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might
+truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England,
+&quot;there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to
+hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their
+steeled weapons.&quot; Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy
+Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his
+discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway
+conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the
+troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever
+after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential
+envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous
+notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at
+his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious
+chivalry; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people
+with warlike melody, thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.</p>
+
+<p>But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation
+in the community was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had
+old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the
+true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his first
+edicts was that all duties to government should be paid in those precious
+metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender.</p>
+
+<p>Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the rise
+and fall of this fluctuating currency found their calling at an end;
+those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their
+capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were
+accustomed to flood the market with newly-coined oyster-shells, and to
+abstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying this
+&quot;tampering with the currency.&quot; It was clipping the wings of <a name='Page_230'></a>commerce; it
+was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an
+end; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries;
+grass would grow in the marketplace. In a word, no one who has not heard
+the outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon &quot;paper
+money,&quot; can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong for
+checking the circulation of oyster-shells.</p>
+
+<p>In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream was
+deep as it was broad. The honest Dutchman sold less goods; but then they
+got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tinware,
+apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of
+Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified
+themselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage of
+oyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made
+their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the
+Dutch housewives.</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>NOTE.
+
+<p>    From a manuscript record of the province (Lib, N.Y. Hist,
+    Soc.).&mdash;&quot;We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser,
+    and prevent their being, further imposed upon, than to declare,
+    absolutely and peremptorily, that henceforward seawant shall be
+    bullion&mdash;not longer admissable in trade, without any value, as it
+    is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no
+    longer away his wares and merchandise for these baubles; at least
+    not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity,
+    than as they may want them in their trade with the savages.</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be
+    enabled to draw the best wares and merchandise from our country
+    for nothing; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed,
+    long since been insufferable; although it ought chiefly to be
+    imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and
+    inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition
+    of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent.</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;27th January, 1662,</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3><a name='Page_231'></a>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating the
+internal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused
+such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and
+power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston,
+where it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mighty
+principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this
+formidable combination was mutual protection and defence against their
+savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand
+crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of the city of
+the Manhattoes&mdash;as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the
+Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient Crusaders.</p>
+
+<p>In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a
+grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its
+dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode
+Island, praying to be admitted into the league.</p>
+
+<p>The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records of
+the council.<a name='FNanchor_40'></a><a href='#Footnote_40'><sup>[40]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>&quot;Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this
+insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>&quot;Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee
+    the ilanders of Rhoode Iland may be rescauied into combination
+    with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and
+    perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and <a name='Page_232'></a>defence,
+    mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall
+    safety and wellfaire, etc.</p></div>
+
+<span style='margin-left: 30em;'>&quot;WILL COTTINGTON.</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 30em;'>&quot;ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG.&quot;</span><br />
+
+<p>There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document
+that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however
+mis-spelt, has been warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is in
+some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of
+Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great
+resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter,
+moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the
+noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may
+picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in
+the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among
+that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count
+beyond the number four.</p>
+
+<p>The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part
+of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments farther
+and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even
+the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath, and to find
+themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his
+first impulse was to march at once to the frontier, and kick these
+squatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time that
+he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once
+cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at
+negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the great
+council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either
+side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, <a name='Page_233'></a>adjust grievances,
+and establish a &quot;perpetual and happy peace.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according to
+immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the &quot;wisest and
+weightiest&quot; men of the community; that is to say, men with the oldest
+heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans
+Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time
+of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the
+kind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first
+spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his masthead, and all the
+world knows that the discovery of the mouth of the river gives prior right
+to all the lands drained by its waters.</p>
+
+<p>It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the
+Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on
+this embassy; men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose
+presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: when
+it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
+his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that
+men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no
+alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife
+and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High
+Mightinesses on which they had squatted.</p>
+
+<p>In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no
+wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean
+Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no
+substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no
+jingling of money in their pockets; it is true they had longer heads than
+the Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were
+broad at bottom, <a name='Page_234'></a>and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up
+by a double chin.</p>
+
+<p>The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of original
+discovery; according to the principle that he who first sees a new country
+has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran
+Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the
+identical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered the
+mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back
+in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the
+weather-gauge of the Yankees, but what was their dismay when the latter
+produced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with which he
+discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes: and so crooked
+that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river.
+This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the
+whole country bordering on the Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a
+mere Dutch squatting-place on their territories.</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at
+finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither
+will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the
+Manhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had been out-trumped
+by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of
+New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in
+a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary questions,
+when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an
+appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right,
+and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise,
+or mutual concession&mdash;that <a name='Page_235'></a>is to say, one party cedes half of its claims,
+and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, and
+the whole is pronounced an equitable division, &quot;perfectly honorable to
+both parties.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up
+claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never seen,
+and all right to the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amsterdam,
+to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that
+the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had
+squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river.</p>
+
+<p>When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was
+in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no
+war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion; while
+the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the
+Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had
+been &quot;fobbed off with.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter,
+congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be
+harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded
+hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that
+disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such
+expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the
+paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which I solicit his
+serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter
+Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, by
+effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the
+province.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_40'></a><a href='#FNanchor_40'>[40]</a><div class='note'><p> Haz. Coll. Stat. Pap.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3><a name='Page_236'></a>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war was
+the original state of man, whom he described as being, primitively, a
+savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his
+own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by
+society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes;<a name='FNanchor_41'></a><a href='#Footnote_41'><sup>[41]</sup></a> nor have there
+been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it.</p>
+
+<p>For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so
+complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to
+take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,<a name='FNanchor_42'></a><a href='#Footnote_42'><sup>[42]</sup></a> that though war
+may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employment
+of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from
+being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and
+civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards
+that state of perfection which is the <i>ne plus ultra</i> of modern
+philosophy.</p>
+
+<p>The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical
+force, unaided by auxiliary weapons&mdash;his arm was his buckler, his fist was
+his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle
+of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and
+clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement,
+as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more
+<a name='Page_237'></a>exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of
+murdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and
+to assault&mdash;the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart,
+and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the
+blow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic invention, he
+enlarges and heightens his powers of defense and injury. The aries, the
+scorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to
+war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still
+insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of
+destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even
+with the desires of revenge&mdash;still deeper researches must be made in the
+diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the
+earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals, and deadly salts&mdash;the sublime
+discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world; and finally, the dreadful
+art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with
+ubiquity and omnipotence!</p>
+
+<p>This, indeed, is grand!&mdash;this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and
+bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the
+animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves with
+the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts
+with his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the leopard,
+and the tiger, seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify
+their sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom,
+and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone,
+blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,
+enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates the
+tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in
+murdering his brother worm!</p><a name='Page_238'></a>
+
+<p>In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art
+of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered, in
+this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most
+formidable engine of war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode
+of maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations.</p>
+
+<p>A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore, according
+to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is
+no longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, and
+to establish an equitable exchange of kind offices; but a contest of skill
+between two powers which shall overreach and take in the other it is a
+cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery of
+cabinets those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by
+force of arms; in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms
+and becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with
+cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized
+with open violence.</p>
+
+<p>In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of
+perfect amity is when a negotiation is open and a treaty pending. Then,
+when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the
+will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right
+implanted in our nature; when each party has some advantage to hope and
+expect from the other; then it is that the two nations are wonderfully
+gracious and friendly, their ministers professing the highest mutual
+regard, exchanging <i>billets-doux</i>, making fine speeches, and indulging in
+all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that
+do so marvelously tickle the good humor of the respective nations. Thus it
+may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding
+between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding&mdash;and <a name='Page_239'></a>that
+so long as they are on terms at all they are on the best terms in the
+world!</p>
+
+<p>I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above
+discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain
+enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories,
+privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentleman
+who has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of
+heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful
+ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting
+negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as ambassador some
+political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions,
+and dexterous in the art of baffling argument; or some blundering
+statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to
+ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so
+popular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors,
+between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character to
+establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and
+concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone,
+or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement,
+therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in consequence
+of which the negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is no
+prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays
+and obstacles but time; and in a negotiation, according to the theory I
+have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained; with what
+delightful paradoxes does modern political economy abound!</p>
+
+<p>Now all that I have here advanced, is so notoriously true, that I almost
+blush to take up the time of my readers, with treating of matters which
+must many a time have stared them in the face. But <a name='Page_240'></a>the proposition to
+which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that though a
+negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a
+treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful
+sources of war.</p>
+
+<p>I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals
+that did not produce jealousies, bickerings and often downright ruptures
+between them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did
+not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country
+neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for
+years, have been thrown into a state of distrust, caviling, and animosity,
+by some ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray
+cattle! and how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have
+remained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have been
+brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of
+some treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of making
+their amity more sure!</p>
+
+<p>Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their
+fulfilment; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker party
+only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will
+wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby, and
+therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it have
+anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the
+righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong
+that it could not thrust the sword through; nay, I would hold ten to one
+the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to
+find a pretext for hostilities.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, therefore, I conclude&mdash;that though it is the best of all policies
+for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it
+is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a <a name='Page_241'></a>treaty; for then
+comes on non-fulfillment and infraction, then remonstrance, then
+altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war.
+In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant
+speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses&mdash;but the marriage ceremony is
+the signal for hostilities.</p>
+
+<p>If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination of
+the foregoing passage, he will perceive at a glance that the great Peter,
+in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of
+lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be
+traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about
+fancied or pretended infringements of treaty stipulations; in all which
+the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a &quot;dig into the sides&quot;
+of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they
+gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Mannahata, were so pitiful in
+their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the time
+spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires,
+would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is,
+therefore, to take it for granted&mdash;though I scorn to waste in the detail
+that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is
+invaluable&mdash;that all the while the great Peter was occupied in those
+tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a
+continued series of little, dirty, sniveling scourings, broils, and
+maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of
+Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don
+Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an
+historian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements of
+higher dignity; for at this moment I hear a direful and portentous note
+issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and <a name='Page_242'></a>resounding
+throughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of
+Peter Stuyvesant; I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind him
+all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward
+with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be
+wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_41'></a><a href='#FNanchor_41'>[41]</a><div class='note'><p> Hobbes, Leviathan, part i., ch. 13.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_42'></a><a href='#FNanchor_42'>[42]</a><div class='note'><p>
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>&quot;Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque its porro</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>Pugnabaut armis, qu&aelig; post fabricaverat usus.&quot;</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 8em;'>&mdash;Hor. <i>Sat.</i> lib. i. s. 3.</span><br />
+</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter
+Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced
+in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the
+Nederlanders were carrying on a trade &quot;damnable and injurious to the
+colonists,&quot; in furnishing the savages with &quot;guns, powther, and shott.&quot;
+This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy
+to have a snug cause of war <i>in petto</i>, in case any favorable opportunity
+should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands, the great
+object of Yankee ambition.</p>
+
+<p>Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of complaint had
+apparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with
+tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of Peter
+Stuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash,
+was proof against such missiles.</p>
+
+<p>To be explicit, we are told that, in the years 1651, the great confederacy
+of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of
+steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the
+Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise and massacre the
+Yankee settlements. &quot;For,&quot; as the grand council observed, &quot;the Indians
+round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of
+an <a name='Page_243'></a>intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English,
+whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians,
+who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in
+the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been
+so many Christian troopers.</p>
+
+<p>Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the losel
+Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and
+his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a
+bloody nose in one of these border wars; and my grandfather, when a very
+little boy tending pigs, having been kidnaped and severely flogged by a
+long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster&mdash;yet I should have passed over all
+these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion&mdash;I could even have suffered
+them to have broken Everett Ducking's head; to have kicked the doughty
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors; to have carried
+every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of
+the earth with perfect impunity&mdash;but this wanton attack upon one of the
+most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much even
+for me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the
+historian and the forbearance of the Dutchman.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false! If thou hast any
+respect to my word, if the undeviating character for veracity, which I
+have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight with
+thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledge
+my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant
+was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his
+right arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlasting
+flames, rather than attempt to destroy <a name='Page_244'></a>his enemies in any other way than
+open, generous warfare. Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired to
+sully his honest name by such an imputation!</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight errant,
+had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of King
+Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble
+virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild
+flowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by
+Nature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken to
+refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his
+dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above board; if there was
+anything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning
+and secret wile; &quot;straight forward&quot; was his motto, and he at any time
+rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round
+it.</p>
+
+<p>Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration of him has on this
+occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the
+philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology that
+though a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of
+life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in the
+eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed
+thrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed
+escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyses every
+glow of enthusiasm.</p>
+
+<p>The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous
+charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the
+chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across
+the table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a
+proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with
+giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages <a name='Page_245'></a>against a Christian, a
+soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot
+in question lied in his throat; to prove which he offered to meet the
+president of the council, or any of his compeers; or their champion,
+Captain Alexander Partridge, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat;
+wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm.</p>
+
+<p>This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Anthony Van
+Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day,
+sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of
+his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Anthony accomplished his
+mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered
+his missive with becoming ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of
+defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant
+and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridge, who nearly jumped
+out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonishment.</p>
+
+<p>The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put
+readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run
+a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the
+advantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in
+reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading; so they
+devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the &quot;raw&quot; which
+they had established.</p>
+
+<p>On receiving this answer, Anthony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare
+which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing
+himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet like a very
+devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut, resounded
+with the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to the windows as he
+passed through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all the other
+border towns; ogling and winking at the <a name='Page_246'></a>women, and making aerial
+windmills from the end of his nose at their husbands; and stopping
+occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country
+frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced exceedingly
+with his soul-stirring instrument.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the
+coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that &quot;his confident
+denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little
+against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians;&quot; that &quot;his
+guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction,&quot; so that they must still
+require and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with&mdash;&quot;so we rest,
+sir&mdash;Yours in ways of righteousness.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding
+himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round
+him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
+aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the
+council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and
+offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His
+offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to
+an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of
+high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the
+confederate plantations, where the matter might be investigated by his
+peers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity.</p>
+
+<p>While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one
+sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes two
+lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset <a name='Page_247'></a>pacers, with
+saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who
+looked marvelously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from
+one county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth, though
+they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to
+suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthy
+Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut river.</p>
+
+<p>It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the grass
+grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the inn and
+deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of
+the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon
+pipe on the &quot;stoop,&quot; or bench at the porch of his house, and announced
+themselves at once as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east
+to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him.</p>
+
+<p>The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a
+moment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they were
+proceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions; asking him,
+peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty; considering him
+something in the light of a culprit at the bar; when they were brought to
+a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his
+walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a
+crown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesant
+repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varlets
+from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn; then
+strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they
+should never again be admitted to his presence.</p>
+
+<p>The knowing commissioners winked to each other and made a certificate on
+the spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrogatories or
+to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the
+city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence,
+perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until they
+had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal
+tales, rumors, and calumnies; with these they mounted their Narraganset
+pacers, and travelled back to the grand council. Neither did the
+proud-hearted Peter <a name='Page_248'></a>trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede
+their departure; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys;
+but I warrant me had they played the same tricks with William the Testy,
+he would have had them tucked up by the waistband, and treated to an
+aerial gambol on his patent gallows.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their
+envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everything
+went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the
+commissioners was construed into a consciousness of guilt. The contents of
+the satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council, and
+appeared a mountain of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, and
+declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious
+zealots who blow the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of
+politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. What was it to him if he
+should set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze?
+He was from the borders of Connecticut; his constituents lived by
+marauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers in
+Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its
+effect, and it was determined to set on foot an expedition against the
+Nieuw Nederlandts.</p><a name='Page_249'></a>
+
+<p>It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure.
+Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for
+several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter
+Stuyvesant and his devoted city.</p>
+
+<p>This is the first we hear of the &quot;drum ecclesiastic&quot; beating up for
+recruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called into
+frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe;
+things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, like
+drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the
+simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust
+down his throat, labeled with a pious text from Scripture.</p>
+
+<p>And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes. It
+pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch,
+considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world for
+the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience: who were mere heretics
+and infidels, inasmuch as the refused to believe in witches and
+sea-serpents, and had, faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to the
+door; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were in
+perpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees, &quot;Thou
+shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in
+the east, than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those
+economical rulers who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy
+is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and
+crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all
+diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence.</p>
+
+<p>Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were
+the militia laws, by <a name='Page_250'></a>which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice
+a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God; and were put
+under the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinary
+occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men
+in the world, were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats on
+their heads and swords by their sides. Under the instructions of these
+periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled
+in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could
+march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without
+flinching; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right,
+wheel to the left, and fare without winking or blinking.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt
+gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops: however, he determined
+to give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general muster,
+inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona! what a turning-out was
+here! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his
+shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side; and Barent
+Dirkson, with something that looked like a copper kettle, turned upside
+down on his head, and a couple of old horse pistols in his belt; and Dirk
+Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a host
+more, armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snickersnees,
+crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the officers distinguished from the
+rest by having their slouched hats cocked up with pins and surmounted with
+cocktail feathers.</p>
+
+<p>The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect
+as a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bed
+soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manual
+exercise over and over again, trudged them backwards and forwards about
+the <a name='Page_251'></a>streets of New Amsterdam, until their short legs ached and their fat
+sides sweated again, and finally encamped them in the evening on the
+summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life,
+intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so
+it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and
+melted away the army, so that in the morning when Gaffer Phoebus shed his
+first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, excepting Peter
+Stuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van Corlear.</p>
+
+<p>This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of
+less nerve; but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the
+militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke&mdash;for he
+sometimes indulged in a joke&mdash;William the Testy's broken reed. He now took
+into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered,
+broad-bottomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom
+he boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least
+water-proof.</p>
+
+<p>He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across
+the island from river to river; and above all cast up mud batteries or
+redoubts on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom
+of the bay.</p>
+
+<p>These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun
+by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms
+and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their
+nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees,
+too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating the
+golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward
+which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of
+the town take their evening stroll, watching the silver moon beams as they
+trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail <a name='Page_252'></a>of some
+gliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft vows of honest
+affection; for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of
+the marriages in New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The Battery, which, though
+ostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been consecrated
+to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy
+childhood&mdash;of many a tender assignation in riper years&mdash;of many a soothing
+walk in declining age&mdash;the healthful resort of the feeble invalid&mdash;the
+Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman&mdash;in fine, the ornament and
+delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and
+guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty
+pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of
+Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, at
+defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors
+of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag&mdash;otherwise called Weathersfield,
+famous for its onions and its witches&mdash;and of all the other border towns,
+were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting
+aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging of
+the fat little Dutch villages.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the
+chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in
+this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant,
+the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of his
+defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the <a name='Page_253'></a>league, had carried
+conviction to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to
+believe him guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door.<a name='FNanchor_43'></a><a href='#Footnote_43'><sup>[43]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>The defection of so important a colony paralysed the councils of the
+league. Some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of yore
+in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade
+against the Manhattoes was abandoned.</p>
+
+<p>It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely disappointed;
+well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, by
+my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with
+all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes of Pyquag
+would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of
+Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and
+his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not have had the
+stomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander for
+a century to come.</p>
+
+<p>But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholy
+crusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about this time
+broke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft,
+which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a howling abomination
+could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it soon excited the fiery
+indignation of those guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evinced
+such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The
+grand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime,
+and bloody laws were enacted against all &quot;solem conversing or compacting
+with the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_44'></a><a href='#Footnote_44'><sup>[44]</sup></a> Strict search,
+too, was made <a name='Page_254'></a>after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches;
+by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye; and
+by having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks!
+What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art,
+which has baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers,
+theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant,
+decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains
+than the broomsticks they rode upon.</p>
+
+<p>When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a
+panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever,
+and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile
+is pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky
+cur in the street is in jeopardy; so in the present instance, whoever was
+troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched; and woe to any
+unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood.</p>
+
+<p>It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, &quot;for every one
+of which,&quot; says the Reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the
+History of New England, &quot;we have such a sufficient evidence, that no
+reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; and it will
+be unreasonable to do it in any other.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_45'></a><a href='#Footnote_45'><sup>[45]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, gent.,
+furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. &quot;There are none,&quot;
+observes he, &quot;that beg in this country, but there be witches too
+many&mdash;bottle-bellied witches and others, that produce many strange
+apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with
+women&mdash;and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; the
+ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden,&quot; etc.</p><a name='Page_255'></a>
+
+<p>The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not
+more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the
+most solemn, persuasive and affectionate manner, to confess themselves
+guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion, and the entertainment of
+the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their
+innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate
+punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they
+were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their
+judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that
+were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed any
+evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced
+judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly
+satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them;
+but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, to
+quiet those praying quidnuncs who should come after them&mdash;in short, the
+world must be satisfied. Oh, the world! the world! all the world knows the
+world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges,
+therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting and making
+evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly
+understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that it
+may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of
+the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that
+should come after them.</p>
+
+<p>Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly
+entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the
+more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the
+truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the
+roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some <a name='Page_256'></a>even
+carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture,
+protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as
+thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders
+only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in
+the flames.</p>
+
+<p>In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by
+stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being
+the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a
+demon by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measures
+equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The
+witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-stuck, and in a little while
+there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; which
+is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome.
+Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually
+recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches,
+which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatism, ciatics,
+and lumbagos; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of
+the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus
+pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a
+penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto
+this day, in their characters; witches occasionally start up among them in
+different disguises, as physicians, civilians and divines. The people at
+large show a keenness, a cleverness and a profundity of wisdom, that
+savors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that whenever any
+stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into
+New England.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_43'></a><a href='#FNanchor_43'>[43]</a><div class='note'><p> Hazard's State Papers.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_44'></a><a href='#FNanchor_44'>[44]</a><div class='note'><p> New Plymouth Record.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_45'></a><a href='#FNanchor_45'>[45]</a><div class='note'><p> Mather's Hist. New Eng. b. vi. ch. 7. </p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='V_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3><a name='Page_257'></a>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good
+St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which
+broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which
+filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness.</p>
+
+<p>A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the
+east; the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds
+of rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent
+glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heard
+in solitary places, and the border towns were so occupied in detecting and
+punishing losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was suspended,
+and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten.</p>
+
+<p>I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was some danger of
+this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and certain
+witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in
+the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthy
+Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, which
+it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of
+the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day on
+ancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of the patriarchs;
+nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch
+yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and
+Yankees out of the country.</p>
+
+<p>And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend from
+the east, turned his <a name='Page_258'></a>face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern
+frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting
+Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of
+the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations of
+that veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jensen
+Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes,
+Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command
+of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to
+great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories
+speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and
+his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees.
+In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more
+kicks, in a certain honorable part, than any of his comrades; in
+consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had been
+promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and
+suffered in his country's cause.</p>
+
+<p>It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses into
+some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others, of
+intellectual silver; while others are intellectually furnished with iron
+and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it would
+seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass
+enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to pass
+off upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the little governor would
+sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left
+those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the
+Dragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to
+the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his
+station by the grandiloquence of <a name='Page_259'></a>his bulletins, always styling himself
+Commander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sober
+truth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing,
+bottle-bruising ragamuffins.</p>
+
+<p>In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did his
+bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigious
+conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of
+wind given by &AElig;olus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabond
+warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration of
+Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William
+the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled an
+admirable trumpeter.</p>
+
+<p>As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of
+the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon
+the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character,
+being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that
+he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within.
+He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a
+fishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through
+his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of
+well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out
+of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a
+lobster.</p>
+
+<p>I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
+warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
+accoutred cap-a-pie&mdash;booted to the middle&mdash;sashed to the chin&mdash;collared to
+the ears&mdash;whiskered to the teeth&mdash;crowned with an overshadowing cocked
+hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed
+a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he
+strutted about, <a name='Page_260'></a>as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of
+More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For what
+says the ballad?</p>
+
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>&quot;Had you but seen him in this dress,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>How fierce he looked and how big,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>You would have thought him for to be</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>Some Egyptian porcupig.</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>He frighted all&mdash;cats, dogs, and all,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>Each cow, each horse, and each hog;</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>For fear did flee, for they took him to be</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>Some strange outlandish hedgehog.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_46'></a><a href='#Footnote_46'><sup>[46]</sup></a></span><br />
+
+<p>I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, was
+not exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremost
+in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter,
+who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military
+notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving
+his right to his dignities.</p>
+
+<p>To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troops
+destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he departed from
+his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his
+undaunted march through savage deserts over insurmountable mountains,
+across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering
+vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than did
+Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches with a dubious
+screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlear
+repeated these contents in the streets and market-places with an
+appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the
+general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect a
+fortress, or stronghold, on the South of Delaware river. At first he
+bethought <a name='Page_261'></a>him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, a
+lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military
+commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be
+studded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men; in
+the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly
+degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is
+said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his excellency.</p>
+
+<p>As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may be
+worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was
+the germ of the present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properly
+speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises.</p>
+
+<p>His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to
+behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and out
+a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and
+on that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals,
+on the top of the ramparts, like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and
+vaporing on the top of a dovecote.</p>
+
+<p>There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unruly
+in the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, compelling them to box-lobby
+brawls and brokenheaded quarrels, unless there can be found some more
+harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delectable romance of
+Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did
+incontinently gallop into an adjacent forest, and belabor the trees with
+such might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence
+of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent
+and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the
+commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot
+within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him most
+lustily with <a name='Page_262'></a>his sabre; decapitating cabbages by platoons; hewing down
+lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes; and if, perchance, he
+espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, &quot;Ah!
+caitiff Yankees!&quot; would he roar, &quot;have I caught ye at last?&quot; So saying,
+with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from
+their chins to their waist-bands; by which warlike havoc, his choler being
+in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full
+conviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess.</p>
+
+<p>He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky
+soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade;
+or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one
+day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his
+melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding
+with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe; he
+therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both
+officers and men throughout the garrison.</p>
+
+<p>Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named
+Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not a
+little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queue
+like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that
+his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to
+the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor
+of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning
+it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest
+of veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums&mdash;swore he would
+break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail&mdash;queued it
+stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the
+tail of a crocodile.</p><a name='Page_263'></a>
+
+<p>The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the
+utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer
+not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and
+good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, the consequent safety of
+the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded the
+docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old
+Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the
+whole garrison&mdash;the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive-whereupon
+he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and
+all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with
+a &quot;videlicet, in wearing an eelskin queue, three feet long, contrary to
+orders.&quot; Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and the
+whole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is
+well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting
+pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran
+would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of
+a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification&mdash;and deserted from all
+earthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained
+unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be
+carried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out of a hole in his
+coffin.</p>
+
+<p>This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as a
+disciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to
+bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrum
+of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump,
+his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_46'></a><a href='#FNanchor_46'>[46]</a><div class='note'><p> Ballad of Dragon of Wantley.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_VI'></a><h2><a name='Page_264'></a><i>BOOK VI.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS
+GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.</center>
+
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the
+administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
+peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the
+war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note,
+and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
+troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose&mdash;from golden visions
+and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet &quot;piping time of peace,&quot; he
+sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in Beauty's siren lap
+reclined he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwines
+with flowers his shining sword nor through the livelong lazy summer's day
+chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns
+the amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and
+clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where
+late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears
+the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield, and shakes
+the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns
+for deeds of glorious chivalry.</p>
+
+<p>But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any <i>preux
+chevalier</i>, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New
+Amsterdam.<a name='Page_265'></a> This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic
+writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing
+aspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and
+such-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance
+they had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunning
+statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a
+C&aelig;sar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical
+flourish is this: that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found
+it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its
+scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in
+which his mighty soul so much delighted.</p>
+
+<p>Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination; or rather, I
+behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs in the family mansion of the
+Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His
+regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of
+large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin; the
+voluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly
+behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored
+trunk-breeches, a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our
+day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who
+scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceeding
+terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair strutting out
+on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail
+queue below his waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting his
+chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fiery
+air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the
+Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his
+solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little in
+advance, in order to strengthen his position, his <a name='Page_266'></a>right hand grasping a
+gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword, his head
+dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored
+frown upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most commanding,
+bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas.
+Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation.</p>
+
+<p>In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir,
+and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages,
+sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword.
+Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold of
+Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of New
+Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy
+of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir; for Master David
+Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as
+&quot;weighing upwards of four hundred pounds,&quot; a huge feeder, and bouser in
+proportion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. He had a
+garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, guzzling, deep-drinking
+swashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort
+Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the
+land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction.</p>
+
+<p>To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to their
+High Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives as
+discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land
+measurer, Ten Broeck.</p>
+
+<p>To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by
+the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoat
+government of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortal
+that wore a breeches who should <a name='Page_267'></a>dare to meddle even with the hem of her
+sacred garment.</p>
+
+<p>I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some time
+by these windy commanders; Van-Poffenburgh, however, had served under
+William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor
+Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, now
+determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly he descended the
+river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one
+Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of Helsenburg.</p>
+
+<p>And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty
+commanders, striving to outstrut and outswell each other, like a couple of
+belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the
+tallest flag-staff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was a
+furious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress, and,
+whichever had the wind in its favor, would keep up a continual firing of
+cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gunpowder.</p>
+
+<p>On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;
+but so it happened that the Swedish fortress being lower down the river,
+all the Dutch vessels, bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to pass
+it. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, and
+compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of his
+battery.</p>
+
+<p>This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, and
+sorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld the
+flag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten
+his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a huge
+trencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every Dutch
+merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all the
+little <a name='Page_268'></a>round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, the
+sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutch
+luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he
+may have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their commodities,
+but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison,
+who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and diverted into the
+larders of the hostile camps? For some time this war of the cupboard was
+carried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, while
+the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs,
+daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in,
+and now, lo and behold! a great miracle was wrought for the relief of the
+Nederlands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of Egypt; for it
+came to pass that a great cloud of mosquitos arose out of the marshy
+borders of the river, and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, being
+doubtless attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the Swedish
+gormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which was
+as big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufficient to
+attract the mosquito from every part of the country. For some time the
+garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain; the mosquitos
+penetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor
+night; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with
+mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of his
+nose. Finally, the garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, and
+obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitos
+followed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of the
+country; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterward, and Jan
+Claudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, <a name='Page_269'></a>of which General Van
+Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of the
+Nieuw-Nederlands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the
+miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg,
+it fell to ruin, but the story of its strange destruction was perpetuated
+by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle.<a name='FNanchor_47'></a><a href='#Footnote_47'><sup>[47]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_47'></a><a href='#FNanchor_47'>[47]</a><div class='note'><p> Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this
+miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N.Y. Hist. Col., new series,
+vol. i., p. 412.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms
+largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been
+rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a
+Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal, as
+crafty as he was rapacious, so that there is very little doubt that, had
+he lived some four or five centuries since, he would have figured as one
+of those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautiful
+princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and
+locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen,
+or any other convenience. In consequence of which enormities they fell
+under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant
+knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they
+might happen to find above six feet high; which is doubtless one reason
+why the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter
+ages are so exceedingly small.</p>
+
+<p>Governor Risingh, not withstanding his giantly condition, was, as I have
+hinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of General
+Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against <a name='Page_270'></a>the grain. On the
+contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir,
+displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The
+salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been
+dismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been napping at his
+post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by
+discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade.
+Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the
+fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be
+marvelously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them so
+many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land with a
+military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilderness.</p>
+
+<p>And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to
+receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing
+appearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to
+the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty,
+by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in a
+little man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirts
+scarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of the
+sleeves; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair
+of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head,
+and decorated with a bunch of cocks' tails; a third had a pair of rusty
+gaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-legged
+fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which
+he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. The
+rest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamuffins without
+shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them; wherefore
+they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that they
+might not disgrace the fortress.</p><a name='Page_271'></a>
+
+<p>His men being thus gallantly arrayed&mdash;those who lacked muskets
+shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in
+his shirttail and pull up his brogues&mdash;General Van Poffenburgh first took
+a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More, of
+More Hall,<a name='FNanchor_48'></a><a href='#Footnote_48'><sup>[48]</sup></a> was his invariable practice on all great occasions; this
+done, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his castle like
+a mighty giant just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met,
+then began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. The
+shrewd Risingh, who had grown grey much before his time, in consequence
+of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van
+Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies.</p>
+
+<p>Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other, they
+carried arms and they presented arms, they gave the standing salute and
+the passing salute, they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes,
+and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to the
+right, and they faced to the right about; they wheeled forward, and they
+wheeled backward, and they wheeled into echelon; they marched and they
+countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by
+subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, in
+slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the
+evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of
+Dundas; having exhausted all that they could recollect or image of
+military tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the
+like of which were never seen before or since, excepting among certain of
+our newly-raised militia, <a name='Page_272'></a>the two commanders and their respective troops
+came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war.
+Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatric
+heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other
+heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged,
+heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.</p>
+
+<p>These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgh
+escorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort,
+attended him throughout the fortifications, showed him the horn-works,
+crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places
+where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he
+pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of &quot;great capability,&quot;
+and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a
+formidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole
+garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and concluded by
+ordering the three Bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole,
+brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of his
+visitors, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian.</p>
+
+<p>The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with
+the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
+incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty
+followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperously
+in their sleeves.</p>
+
+<p>The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned
+to the table; for, among his other great qualities, the general was
+remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign
+would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole
+course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless
+<a name='Page_273'></a>victories do still remain on record, and the whole province was once
+thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was
+stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back
+him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly
+annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand
+cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty
+kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five
+pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron,
+besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff: an
+achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his
+all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let Van
+Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little
+while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit of
+Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and
+privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans to rob
+all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigstyes under
+contribution: a service which they discharged with such zeal and
+promptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their
+spoils.</p>
+
+<p>I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van
+Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet: it was a sight
+worth beholding: there he sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by his
+soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues
+he did most ably imitate, telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth
+adventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his auditors knew
+them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they cast
+up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment.
+Nor could the general pronounce <a name='Page_274'></a>anything that bore the remotest
+resemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist
+upon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in the
+chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it was
+the best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and
+hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh
+ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and his
+whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain,
+dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic
+toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in
+Chancery.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, who
+had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them
+neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all its
+dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at
+the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be
+made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications in
+order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schute, otherwise
+called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command,
+and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its
+puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore
+no little resemblance to a &quot;deboshed fish,&quot; or bloated sea-monster, caught
+upon dry land.</p>
+
+<p>The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of
+intelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted in
+his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter
+Stuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as did
+whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the
+Turks.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_48'></a><a href='#FNanchor_48'>[48]</a><div class='note'><p>
+<span style='margin-left: 5em;'>&quot;As soon as he rose,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>To make him strong and mighty,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>He drank by the tale, six pots of ale,</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 3em;'>And a quart of aqua vit&aelig;.&quot;</span><br />
+<span style='margin-left: 8em;'><i>Dragon of Wantley.</i></span>
+</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3><a name='Page_275'></a>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager
+sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine
+qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety
+to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting
+after secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly
+and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but
+whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded
+in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' end to find it out, and
+takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the
+world.</p>
+
+<p>It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to be
+prying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate
+chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthy
+congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen
+excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so
+baneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders&mdash;such a
+stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions; betraying
+them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by
+any but a female head.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the
+cunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison he should for a
+long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the
+gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least
+expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of
+enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.</p><a name='Page_276'></a>
+
+<p>This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the
+garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be
+self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about
+the world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the
+skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison and
+country village has one or more scapegoats of this kind, whose life is a
+kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord
+knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no
+other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of
+idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood
+in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and cast
+of countenance, but more especially by his propensities and habits. He was
+a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was generally
+equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. His
+hair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a little
+to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian
+mixture, are half civilized, half savage, and half devil&mdash;a third half
+being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar
+reasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky
+are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the settlers on the
+Mississippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence.</p>
+
+<p>The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as
+applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk.
+Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one&mdash;was an utter enemy to
+work, holding it in no manner of estimation&mdash;but lounging about the fort,
+depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could
+get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or
+two he was <a name='Page_277'></a>sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors;
+which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled
+not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented.
+Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from
+the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time; skulking about the
+woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in
+ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catching
+fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable
+bird of the crane family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his crimes
+had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a
+bundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and
+would exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcase,
+he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that
+swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in
+the country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he would
+make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole
+neighborhood at his heels; like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in
+his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; and
+from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and
+from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have
+dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh.</p>
+
+<p>When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave
+Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to
+room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound whom nobody
+noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people,
+his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he
+overheard the whole plot of the<a name='Page_278'></a> Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his
+own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the
+perfect jack-of-both-sides&mdash;that is to say, he made a prize of everything
+that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked
+hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of
+Risingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels, just before
+the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison.</p>
+
+<p>Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he
+directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had
+formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of
+misfortune in business&mdash;that is to say, having been detected in the act of
+sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through
+swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a world
+of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a
+backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank
+as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled
+over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to Governor
+Stuyvesant, and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole
+course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair.</p>
+
+<p>On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his
+seat&mdash;dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the
+chimney&mdash;thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek&mdash;pulled
+up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was
+customary with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But, as
+I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing.
+His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump
+upstairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his armory, from whence he
+drew forth that identical <a name='Page_279'></a>suit of regimentals described in the preceding
+chapter. In these portentous habiliment she arrayed himself, like Achilles
+in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence,
+knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth.
+Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor, and jerked down
+his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended;
+but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as
+his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron
+visage; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five
+long weeks; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon
+be warm work in the province!</p>
+
+<p>Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his
+very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put
+himself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Van Corlear hither and
+thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked
+lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to
+assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters,
+according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle,
+shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and
+stumping up and downstairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant
+motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times,
+the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper
+hooping a flour-barrel.</p>
+
+<p>A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not
+to be trifled with; the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber,
+seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their long
+pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his excellency and his
+regimentals; being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered,
+nor taken by surprise. The governor, <a name='Page_280'></a>looking around for a moment with a
+lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his
+sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner,
+addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue.</p>
+
+<p>I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides,
+Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told,
+with the speeches of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the most
+accurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled wonderfully
+to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains
+of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly
+pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold,
+however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his
+rugged subject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of
+phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to
+shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in
+very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his
+determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these
+costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this
+hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usual
+signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the
+middle of the harangue (their &quot;usual custom in the afternoon&quot;), they made
+not the least objection.</p>
+
+<p>And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and
+preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither,
+calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of
+the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day,
+and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for I
+would have you note that you warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of
+<a name='Page_281'></a>conquerors are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are
+equal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the halberds or the
+whipping-post, for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die whether they
+shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall,
+at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen.</p>
+
+<p>But, not withstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of
+honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of
+New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that
+home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great
+Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war, and sweet revenge,
+determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily
+citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up
+among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky,
+delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous
+expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty
+squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly
+victualed; which being performed, he attended public service at the great
+church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and then leaving
+peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes
+marshaled out and appointed against his return, departed upon his
+recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of
+nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific
+warmth, when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless
+Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the
+fair <a name='Page_282'></a>island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked was
+sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which
+fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the
+stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight,
+after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with
+periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers
+the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the
+matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer,
+unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and
+discolorers of canvas.</p>
+
+<p>Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the
+Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom
+of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean,
+seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the
+illustrious burden it sustained.</p>
+
+<p>But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the
+contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this
+degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this
+mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark
+forest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sail
+of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here
+and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the
+mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent
+atmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage
+children, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as
+faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure
+vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice,
+the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it
+passed below, <a name='Page_283'></a>and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away
+into the thickets of the forest.</p>
+
+<p>Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now
+did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which sprang up
+like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were
+fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty
+spirit of Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes
+of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan
+Bay, whose wide extended shores present a variety of delectable scenery;
+here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into
+the bay; there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich
+luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, while at a distance,
+a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the
+water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening
+among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection
+into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural
+paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties; the velvet-tufted
+lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh
+and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village,
+or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter.</p>
+
+<p>The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning
+magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial
+sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills,
+and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while along the
+borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight
+caitiffs, disturbed at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in
+sullen reluctance upon the mountains. As such times all was brightness,
+and life, and gayety; the atmosphere <a name='Page_284'></a>was of an indescribable pureness and
+transparency; the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the
+freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the
+sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the
+earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and
+magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; the
+seamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that
+involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the
+rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled
+mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens; excepting that now
+and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted
+savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering ray
+of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains.</p>
+
+<p>But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did
+the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy
+heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are
+inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just
+served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery.
+The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern, in the broad
+masses of shade, the separating line between the land and water, or to
+distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the
+busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious
+craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks
+frowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers, and high
+embattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and
+the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand
+shadowy beings.</p>
+
+<p>Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an <a name='Page_285'></a>innumerable variety of
+insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert;
+while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will,
+who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his
+incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened
+with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely
+echoed from the shore&mdash;now and then startled, perchance, by the whoop of
+some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth
+upon his nightly prowlings.</p>
+
+<p>Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those
+awful defiles denominated the Highlands, where it would seem that the
+gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up
+cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But
+in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capped mountains.
+These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes,
+formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho
+confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in
+adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous
+rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, in
+its career toward the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its
+tide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins.</p>
+
+<p>Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these it
+is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound
+throughout these awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angry
+clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when
+the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the
+thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled
+spirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their hideous uproar; for
+at such times it is said that they think <a name='Page_286'></a>the great Manetho is returning
+once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable
+captivity.</p>
+
+<p>But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant
+Stuyvesant; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud
+anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble
+their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the
+helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or
+to come; those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking under
+the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who,
+seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history of
+those myriads of fireflies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the
+dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race
+of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before
+the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called
+brimstones; and who, for their innumerable sins against the children of
+men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to
+infest the earth in the shade of these threatening and terrible little
+bugs; enduring the internal torments of that fire, which they formerly
+carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are
+sentenced to bear about for ever&mdash;in their tails!</p>
+
+<p>And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will
+hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a
+word in this whole history&mdash;for nothing which it contains is more true. It
+must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very
+lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of
+Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious
+stones, the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus
+grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now <a name='Page_287'></a>thus it happened,
+that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his
+burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley,
+contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the
+illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendor from behind a high bluff of
+the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the
+refulgent nose of the sounder of brass; the reflection of which shot
+straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty
+sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster being with
+infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the
+crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound,
+where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was the
+first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in those parts by Christian
+people.<a name='FNanchor_49'></a><a href='#Footnote_49'><sup>[49]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant,
+and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed,
+marveled exceedingly: and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of
+Antony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it has
+continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time.</p>
+
+<p>But hold, whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany
+the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; for
+never was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a river
+so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally
+recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew
+were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by a
+gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a <a name='Page_288'></a>flat rock,
+which projected into the river, and which is called the Duyvel's
+Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes
+thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring.</p>
+
+<p>Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these
+fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the
+charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy
+childhood&mdash;recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments
+which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless Time!
+shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before
+thee?&mdash;hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run
+ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal
+crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt,
+will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great
+city of New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_49'></a><a href='#FNanchor_49'>[49]</a><div class='note'><p> The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about
+Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the settlement
+thereof, says, &quot;There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we
+Christians do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily.&quot;</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the
+shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch
+settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors
+was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable
+fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly
+particular; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host
+that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present
+denominated the Bowling Green.</p>
+
+<p>In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the
+manhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the
+lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the <a name='Page_289'></a>valiant Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;
+they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being
+the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the
+amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.<a name='FNanchor_50'></a><a href='#Footnote_50'><sup>[50]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer,
+Michael Paw<a name='FNanchor_51'></a><a href='#Footnote_51'><sup>[51]</sup></a>, who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia,
+and the lands away south, even unto the Navesink Mountains,<a name='FNanchor_52'></a><a href='#Footnote_52'><sup>[52]</sup></a> and was,
+moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty
+squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a
+sea-green field, being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis,
+Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily
+armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, and
+overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their
+hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of
+Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled to
+have sprung from oysters.</p>
+
+<p>At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the
+neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams and the
+Van Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as <a name='Page_290'></a>their names betoken; they were
+terrible looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that
+curious colored cloth called thunder and lightning, and bore as a standard
+three devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field.</p>
+
+<p>Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the
+Waale-Boght<a name='FNanchor_53'></a><a href='#Footnote_53'><sup>[53]</sup></a> and the country thereabouts; these were of a sour aspect,
+by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were
+the first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood, called
+Flymarket shirks; and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the
+far-famed step in dancing, called &quot;double trouble.&quot; They were commanded by
+the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, a jolly band of
+Breuckelen<a name='FNanchor_54'></a><a href='#Footnote_54'><sup>[54]</sup></a> ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells.</p>
+
+<p>But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to
+describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and
+sundry other places, well known in history and song&mdash;for now do the notes
+of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar from
+beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while
+relieved; for, lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognized
+the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter
+Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at the
+head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the
+Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces,
+as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the
+head of Wall Street.</p>
+
+<p>First of all came the Van Brummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of
+the Bronx: these were short <a name='Page_291'></a>fat men, wearing exceeding large
+trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher; they were the
+first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched
+the Van Vlotens, or Kaats-kill, horrible quavers of new cider, and arrant
+braggarts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus,
+dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus
+breed; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the
+word Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'
+nests, as their name denotes; to these, if report may be believed, are we
+indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van
+Higginbottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferrules and
+birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the
+marvelous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect.
+Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair
+round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their
+canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson and
+thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats: such as robbing
+water-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and
+by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails; these were the ancestors of
+the renowned congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing,
+great choristers and players upon the jewsharp; these marched two and two,
+singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens of Sleepy
+Hollow; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first
+discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint
+bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the
+Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for
+their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of
+Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick <a name='Page_292'></a>with the left
+foot; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons by
+moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and
+noted for running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns; they
+were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the
+Knickerbockers, of the great town of Schaghtikoke, where the folk lay
+stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away.
+These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, a
+goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but,
+in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken, books; plainly
+meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books; from them did
+descend the writer of this history.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand
+gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of many
+more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten
+to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial
+pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of
+warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his
+much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir.</p>
+
+<p>But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will be
+found in the sequel of this faithful history, let us pause to notice the
+fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the
+armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of
+human nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable
+discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set
+afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality
+a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that he had long
+been in the practice of privately communicating with <a name='Page_293'></a>the Swedes; together
+with divers hints about &quot;secret service money.&quot; To all which deadly
+charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve.</p>
+
+<p>Certain it is that the general vindicated his character by the most
+vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
+honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
+Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers
+at his heels&mdash;sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and
+who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice&mdash;heroes of
+his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking
+swaggerers&mdash;not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox,
+and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all his
+quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man
+that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him
+alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns,
+and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering
+execration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery.</p>
+
+<p>All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
+certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, of
+unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he was
+continually protesting on the honor of a soldier&mdash;a marvelously
+high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so
+far as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue of
+plaster of Paris.</p>
+
+<p>But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending
+privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard
+all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations,
+and ejaculations&mdash;&quot;Harkee, comrade,&quot; cried he, &quot;though by your <a name='Page_294'></a>own
+account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole
+province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced,
+and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a
+man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally
+innocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless for
+some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your
+innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I
+cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise,
+nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust.
+Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public
+life, with this comforting reflection&mdash;that if guilty, you are but
+enjoying your just reward&mdash;and if innocent, you are not the first great
+and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this
+wicked world&mdash;doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where
+there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime,
+let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the
+countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_50'></a><a href='#FNanchor_50'>[50]</a><div class='note'><p> This was likewise a great seal of the New Netherlands, as
+may still be seen in ancient records.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_51'></a><a href='#FNanchor_51'>[51]</a><div class='note'><p> Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found
+mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which
+says, &quot;De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th
+Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N.B.&mdash;The same Michael Paw
+had what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore,
+opposite New York: and his overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst,
+a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at
+Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst.&quot;</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_52'></a><a href='#FNanchor_52'>[52]</a><div class='note'><p> So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited
+these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink, or
+Neversunk, mountains.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_53'></a><a href='#FNanchor_53'>[53]</a><div class='note'><p> Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the
+navy-yard is situated.</p></div>
+
+<a name='Footnote_54'></a><a href='#FNanchor_54'>[54]</a><div class='note'><p> Now spelt Brooklyn.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a
+confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into it
+is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all
+differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end
+of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I
+have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I
+warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son of
+a Dutchman; for I scarcely <a name='Page_295'></a>ever gave them a civil word, nor so much as
+touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged
+along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax,
+to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse,
+until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of
+regard for them. This is just my way&mdash;I am always a little cold and
+reserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care for
+and am only to be completely won by long intimacy.</p>
+
+<p>Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do
+acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were
+merely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the title
+page walked off without saying a word; while others lingered yawningly
+through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity,
+soon dropped off one by one, but more especially to try their mettle, I
+had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was used
+by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who, before he admitted
+any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself
+superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps,
+slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a
+word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did
+I cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty
+chapters, where they were most woefully belabored and buffeted by a host
+of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave
+man, yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter
+confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead
+(asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the
+first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they
+had fairly run it out of sight; when they stopped to take <a name='Page_296'></a>breath, to tell
+their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others
+from venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks
+more and more; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a
+comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered
+condition, through the five introductory chapters.</p>
+
+<p>What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted
+recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No&mdash;no; I reserved my
+friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me
+company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to
+those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand.
+Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades! who have
+faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings&mdash;I salute you
+from my heart&mdash;I pledge myself to stand by you to the last; and to conduct
+you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my
+fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking.</p>
+
+<p>But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a
+bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking
+their tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin to
+resound with portentous clangour&mdash;the drums beat&mdash;the standards of the
+Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw wave proudly in the air. And
+now behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of
+yon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops which are to waft the
+army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!</p>
+
+<p>The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to
+behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous
+to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, many a
+fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The
+<a name='Page_297'></a>grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada could not have
+been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of
+Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam
+on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick maiden fondly
+crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts; many a
+copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of
+eternal constancy: and there remain extant to this day some love verses
+written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible to
+confound the whole universe.</p>
+
+<p>But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses how they hung about the
+doughty Antony Van Corlear; for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty
+bachelor, fond of his joke, and withall a desperate rogue among the women.
+Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away, for
+besides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add that he
+was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting
+disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands; and this made him
+to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing
+could keep the valiant Antony from following the heels of the old
+governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul: so embracing all the
+young vrouws, and giving every one of them, that had good teeth and rosy
+lips, a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes.</p>
+
+<p>Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of
+public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the
+follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had
+become strangely popular among the people. There is something so
+captivating in personal bravery that, with the common mass of mankind, it
+takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdam
+looked upon Peter<a name='Page_298'></a> Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that
+trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and
+admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell
+about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children
+of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and
+exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of
+old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, Old Put) during our
+glorious revolution.</p>
+
+<p>Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for
+Beelzebub himself; and there was even a story told, with great mystery,
+and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one
+dark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate; but this
+I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let
+fall a drop to discolor the pure stream of history!</p>
+
+<p>Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered Peter
+Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public
+welfare was secure, so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising,
+then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy
+hearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the
+riverside to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner gave a
+short but truly patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he
+recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects&mdash;to go to
+church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week
+besides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their
+husbands&mdash;looking after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing all
+gossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short tongues and long
+petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public
+concerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed to
+support them&mdash;staying at home, like <a name='Page_299'></a>good citizens, making money for
+themselves, and getting children for the benefit of the country. That the
+burgomasters should look well to the public interest&mdash;not oppressing the
+poor nor indulging the rich&mdash;not tasking their ingenuity to devise new
+laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made&mdash;rather
+bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it; ever
+recollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as
+guardians of public morals than ratcatchers, employed to entrap public
+delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich
+and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them that
+if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule,
+there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well
+enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthony
+sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a
+shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down the
+bay.</p>
+
+<p>The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery&mdash;that blest
+resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a
+fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel,
+after the lessening barque, bearing her adventurous swain to distant
+climes! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant
+squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land
+at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent
+tongues and downcast countenances.</p>
+
+<p>A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city; the honest burghers smoked
+their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to the
+weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old women, having
+no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their
+children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sun
+down.</p><a name='Page_300'></a>
+
+<p>In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on
+its voyage, and after encountering about as many storms, and waterspouts,
+and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally befall
+adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind; and after undergoing
+a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady, called
+sea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware.</p>
+
+<p>Without so much as dropping anchor, and giving his wearied ships time to
+breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued
+his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort
+Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from
+the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of
+thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte,
+the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by
+reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a
+broken bellows&mdash;&quot;that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except
+that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to
+maintain his post to the last extremity.&quot; He requested time, therefore, to
+consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose.</p>
+
+<p>The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously
+taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed
+armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred
+fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten
+minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run
+the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled
+shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty
+sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that
+doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened
+terror into <a name='Page_301'></a>the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men to
+bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three
+muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two braces of horse-pistols.</p>
+
+<p>In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshaled all his forces, and
+commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very
+Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet&mdash;the lusty
+choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle&mdash;the
+warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astounding
+blast on their conch shells, altogether forming as outrageous a concerto
+as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a
+modern overture.</p>
+
+<p>Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the
+garrison with sore dismay&mdash;or whether the concluding terms of the summons,
+which mentioned that he should surrender &quot;at discretion,&quot; were mistaken by
+Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered
+man, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say;
+certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand.
+Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone
+after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the
+rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of
+both parties; who, not withstanding their great stomach for fighting, had
+full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black
+eyes and bloody noses.</p>
+
+<p>Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of
+their High Mightinesses; Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were
+allowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter, who
+was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their
+arms and ammunition&mdash;the same on inspection being found totally unfit for
+service, having long rusted in <a name='Page_302'></a>the magazine of the fortress, even before
+it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I must
+not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service
+of his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great
+fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the
+vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto
+this very day.</p>
+
+<p>The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedes
+occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam; nay, certain
+factious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings in
+the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their
+meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened by
+his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard
+in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no knowing
+whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and
+invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-stick
+to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of
+his counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after
+held their peace.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful
+of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold
+quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his
+projecting eyes rolled greedily round, devouring everything at table; so
+did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for martial glory,
+which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir,
+and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No <a name='Page_303'></a>sooner,
+therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on,
+flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.<a name='FNanchor_55'></a><a href='#Footnote_55'><sup>[55]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it
+is improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that crafty
+governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider in
+the citadel of his web.</p>
+
+<p>But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting
+of two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and
+hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into
+precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the
+general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged
+the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by
+animating harangues; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of
+the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the
+prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and
+enlist the passions of his readers; and having set them all on fire with
+the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head,
+flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight.</p>
+
+<p>An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of
+historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of
+the Peloponnesian War, one of his commentators observes that &quot;he sounds
+that charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the
+allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our
+attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to
+be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is
+interested in the dispute. The earth totters, <a name='Page_304'></a>and nature seems to labor
+with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out.
+Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states;
+and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great
+and noble method.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril:
+having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions,
+surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at this
+important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter,
+I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are
+to follow.</p>
+
+<p>And here I would premise one great advantage, which, as historian, I
+possess over my reader; and this it is, that though I cannot save the life
+of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both
+which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present
+reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can
+now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient
+to fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything
+of the kind; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the
+field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon
+round the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered one
+another in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to
+make the most humble apology.</p>
+
+<p>I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out, &quot;foul
+play!&quot; whenever I render a little assistance to my hero; but I consider it
+one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which
+has never been disputed. An historian is in fact, as it were, bound in
+honor to stand by his hero&mdash;the fame of the latter is intrusted to his
+hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a
+general, an admiral, or <a name='Page_305'></a>any other commander, who, in giving an account of
+any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I have no
+doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements,
+they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount.
+Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to
+do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen
+to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their
+descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take
+fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please.</p>
+
+<p>Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath long
+itched for a battle&mdash;siege after siege have I carried on without blows or
+bloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and
+St. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please,
+neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian did ever
+record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now
+about to engage.</p>
+
+<p>And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I
+could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy&mdash;trust the
+fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me; for by the rood, come what may,
+I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about these
+losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant
+Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight
+another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly
+Swedes pay for it.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Forth Christina, than he
+proceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on running
+his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress
+to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked
+at <a name='Page_306'></a>the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and
+onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were
+here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor
+Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man,
+and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a
+leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off
+with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of
+foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the
+Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself
+with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to
+make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the
+grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the
+grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his most
+hard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder,
+with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the
+glass.</p>
+
+<p>This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and
+demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few
+words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his
+excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a
+recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding
+with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turned
+aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous
+blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it had
+doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that
+melodious instrument.</p>
+
+<p>Governor Risingh heard him through trumpet and all, but with infinite
+impatience; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of
+his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel <a name='Page_307'></a>watch-chain, or snapping
+his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter
+Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d&mdash;&mdash;, whither he hoped to send
+him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing his
+brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, &quot;'Fore gad,&quot; quoth he,
+&quot;but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scabbard of the
+smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman.&quot; Then having flung a
+fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his
+messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal, with all the
+ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador, of so
+great a commander; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed
+with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he let
+fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly
+have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder magazine
+about the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been remarkably
+strong, and the magazine bomb proof. Perceiving that the works withstood
+this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible, as it really was
+in those unphilosophic days, to carry on a war with words, he ordered his
+merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange
+murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van
+Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to
+man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For
+once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale; for he
+verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous
+trial, and thus to tarnish forever the fame of the province of New
+Netherlands.</p>
+
+<p>But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he
+deeply wronged this most undaunted <a name='Page_308'></a>army; for the cause of this agitation
+and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it
+would almost have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to
+have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it
+was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full
+stomach, and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that
+they came to be so renowned in arms.</p>
+
+<p>And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty
+comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the
+contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their
+canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be the
+last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise
+my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to
+a close; giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken of
+this armistice to surprise, or in anywise molest the honest Nederlanders
+while at their vigorous repast.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_55'></a><a href='#FNanchor_55'>[55]</a><div class='note'><p> At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or
+Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post road to
+Baltimore.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>&quot;Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast,&quot; and finding themselves
+wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field.
+Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation now
+stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still,
+that it might witness the affray, like a round-bellied alderman watching
+the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all
+mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Cristina. The sun,
+like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the
+heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep
+between the unmannerly <a name='Page_309'></a>clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The
+historians filled their inkhorns; the poets went without their dinners,
+either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could
+not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave to see
+itself outdone; while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy
+of retrospection on the eventful field.</p>
+
+<p>The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the &quot;affair&quot; of Troy,
+now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or
+mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a
+finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith
+to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her
+chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull
+paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a
+sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully Mars stuck two
+horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly
+swaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged in
+their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune.</p>
+
+<p>On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes
+over night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her
+haughty beauties on a baggage wagon; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler,
+tacked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in
+exceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language), by way of
+keeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while Vulcan halted as a
+club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All
+was silent awe or bustling preparation, war reared his horrid front,
+gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling
+bayonets.</p>
+
+<p>And now the mighty chieftains marshaled out <a name='Page_310'></a>their hosts. Here stood stout
+Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, incrusted with stockades and in
+trenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the
+breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and
+his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the
+ramparts like a grisly death's head.</p>
+
+<p>There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists
+clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire
+that raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudged
+valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and
+yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes.
+Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the
+Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van Nesses, the Van
+Tassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van
+Blarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams; the Van Pelts, the
+Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks,
+the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van
+Bummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander
+Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles; there came the Hoffmans,
+the Hooglands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the
+Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks,
+the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the
+Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the
+Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten
+Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose
+names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would
+be impossible for man to utter&mdash;all fortified with a <a name='Page_311'></a>mighty dinner, and,
+to use the words of a great Dutch poet,</p>
+
+<span style='margin-left: 2em;'>&quot;Brimful of wrath and cabbage.&quot;</span><br />
+
+<p>For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and
+mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting
+them to fight like <i>duyvels</i>, and assuring them that if they conquered,
+they should get plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed the
+satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of
+their country; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed
+in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other
+great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore
+to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it
+for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or
+playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it
+like a snake in spring time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he
+brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a
+charge, and shouting the words, &quot;St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes!&quot;
+courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the
+interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths,
+gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke.</p>
+
+<p>The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until
+they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in
+horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended
+the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that the
+very hills quaked around, and were terrified even into an incontinence of
+water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which
+continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would <a name='Page_312'></a>have
+bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minerva
+kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual
+custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads at the moment
+of discharge.</p>
+
+<p>The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling
+tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen
+prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff like the giant Blanderon
+his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a
+horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the
+Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore,
+and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so
+justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of
+Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great song
+of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on a
+marauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches.</p>
+
+<p>In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Anthony's Nose,
+struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in
+a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So
+also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with
+the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of
+the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout
+but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the
+Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I
+omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a
+good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish
+drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would
+infallibly have annihilated on <a name='Page_313'></a>the spot, but that he had come into the
+battle with no other weapon but his trumpet.</p>
+
+<p>But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and
+the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts of
+Esopus, together with the Van Riepers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all
+before them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with
+many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in
+their thunder and lightning gaberdines; and, lastly, the standard-bearers
+and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the
+Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening
+ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment of
+war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The
+heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;
+whack! went the broad-swords! thump! went the cudgels; crash! went the
+musket-strocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody
+noses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack,
+helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and
+tumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and splutter!
+cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the
+mine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trumpet of Antony
+Van Corlear, until all voice and sound became unintelligible; grunts of
+pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor.
+The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast,
+and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits; and
+even Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in
+breathless terror!</p>
+
+<p>Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by
+the &quot;cloud-compelling<a name='Page_314'></a> Jove,&quot; in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth
+a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but
+pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at
+this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling
+toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in
+mute astonishment until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the
+flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant
+chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed
+Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who
+had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These
+now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor,
+so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marching
+exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt.</p>
+
+<p>And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders,
+having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavern
+to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had
+well-night ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the
+front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh,
+levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this
+assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous
+warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants, broke through
+the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the
+surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw
+was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sterned
+fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear, and applying their feet <i>a
+parte poste</i> of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that
+prodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the renowned Michael Paw
+himself fail to receive <a name='Page_315'></a>divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of
+shoe leather.</p>
+
+<p>But what, O Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw
+his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar,
+enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new
+courage at the sound; or rather, they rallied at the voice of their
+leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in
+Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword
+in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements
+worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank
+before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs,
+into the own ditch; but, as he pushed forward singly with headlong
+courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow
+full at his heart; but the protecting power which watches over the great
+and the good turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a side
+pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the
+shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing the
+portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an
+angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurable
+queue, &quot;Ah, whoreson caterpillar,&quot; roared he, &quot;here's what shall make
+worms' meat of thee!&quot; So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow
+that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck
+short, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At this moment an
+arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim;
+but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter,
+seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows,
+who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming
+from the touch-hole.</p>
+
+<p>Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, <a name='Page_316'></a>surveying the field from
+the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and
+kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering a
+thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such
+thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he
+strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans.</p>
+
+<p>When the rival heroes came face to face, each made prodigious start, in
+the style of a veteran stage champion. Then did they regard each other for
+a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a
+clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then
+into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right
+side, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity.
+Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this
+direful encounter&mdash;an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of
+Ajax with Hector, of Aeneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of
+Warwick and Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen
+of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and
+holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his
+opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very
+chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly,
+that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he
+carried his liquor: thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a
+deep coat pocket, stored with bread and cheese which provant rolling among
+the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and
+Dutchmen, and made the general battle wax ten times more furious than
+ever.</p>
+
+<p>Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh,
+collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest.
+In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The <a name='Page_317'></a>biting
+steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the
+crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the
+brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet,
+shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage.</p>
+
+<p>The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes, beheld a
+thousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; at
+length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on
+his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and
+might have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushion
+softer than velvet, which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some
+kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception.</p>
+
+<p>The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true
+knights, that &quot;fair play is a jewel,&quot; hastened to take advantage of the
+hero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant
+dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime
+of bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede
+staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol which
+lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let
+not my reader mistake; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder
+and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a
+double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear
+carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped
+from his wallet during his furious encounter with the drummer. The hideous
+weapon sang through the air, and true to its course, as was the fragment
+of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the
+gigantic Swede with matchless violence.</p>
+
+<p>This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of
+General Jan Risingh <a name='Page_318'></a>sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him; a
+death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with
+such violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have
+broken through the roof of his infernal palace.</p>
+
+<p>His fall was the signal of defeat and victory; the Swedes gave way, the
+Dutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly
+pursued. Some entered with them pell mell through the sallyport, others
+stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a
+little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, had
+stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss
+of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic
+ox-fly, sat perched on the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant; and it
+was declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his
+expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of
+glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VI_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle.
+Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a
+prodigious sweat and agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hot
+work! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give
+their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many
+horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughout
+this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single
+individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his
+queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all of which, he
+observes, as a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the
+interest of the narration.</p><a name='Page_319'></a>
+
+<p>This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirely
+from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I
+have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of
+the object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been
+terrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of
+Christina, yet, not withstanding that I have consulted every history,
+manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten
+battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in
+the whole affair.</p>
+
+<p>This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers,
+who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their
+achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most
+embarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous and
+unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and
+blood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and
+slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a
+multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk
+them by a reprieve.</p>
+
+<p>Had the Fates allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been
+content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden
+time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct; any one of whom, if we
+may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies,
+like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single
+arm.</p>
+
+<p>But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left
+me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and
+cuffs, and bruises, and such-like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but
+compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who,
+having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each
+other, is sadly put to it how to manage <a name='Page_320'></a>them, and how he shall make the
+end of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being mere
+spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any
+of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when
+I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst
+of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I to
+restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very
+waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so
+many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in the
+air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it
+should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman.</p>
+
+<p>The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a
+manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had
+to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded
+in history or song.</p>
+
+<p>From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity
+of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had once
+launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut
+down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting
+that he presented a fair mark; and that often a poor fellow was sent to
+grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a
+sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties:
+let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight
+harder than myself, but since the various records I consulted did not
+warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St.
+Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies,
+the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can
+discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright; and I
+should <a name='Page_321'></a>have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than
+manslaughter!</p>
+
+<p>And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking
+our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this
+moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are
+all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this
+world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so
+many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander
+away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever
+reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into
+ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may
+wither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. &quot;How
+many illustrious heroes,&quot; says the good Boetius, &quot;who were once the pride
+and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal
+oblivion!&quot; And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went to
+battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their
+achievements might be worthily recorded. Had not Homer turned his lofty
+lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained
+unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after
+all the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had nearly been the fate
+of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and
+engraved his name on the indellible tablet of history, just as the caitiff
+Time was silently brushing it away for ever!</p>
+
+<p>The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character of
+the historian. He is the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown or
+infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors on whom
+it depends whether they shall live in after ages, or be forgotten as were
+their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object of
+his tyranny exists; but <a name='Page_322'></a>the historian possesses superior might, for his
+power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and
+long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes,
+watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names
+with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the
+drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash
+upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings&mdash;that very drop, which to him
+is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable
+value to some departed worthy&mdash;may elevate half a score, in one moment, to
+immortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to
+ensure the glorious meed.</p>
+
+<p>Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vain-glorious
+boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On
+the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we
+historians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions and
+calamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I
+am a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so many
+illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their
+families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of
+fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kings
+desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what
+induces all great men, of all ages and countries, to commit so many
+victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon
+themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them
+into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in short,
+the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and privations, is
+nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame? Why, half a page of
+dirty paper! Alas, alas! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so
+great a man as Peter Stuyvesant <a name='Page_323'></a>should depend upon the pen of so little a
+man as Diedrich Knickerbocker!</p>
+
+<p>And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the
+field, it behoves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and
+inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of
+Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New
+Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the
+province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous
+deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in
+the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful and
+humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more
+galling by unmanly insults; for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, the
+renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to
+talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death, ordered no
+houses to be burnt down, permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on the
+property of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest officers a
+severe punishment with his walking-staff, for having been detected in the
+act of sacking a hen-roost.</p>
+
+<p>He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to
+the authority of their High Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampled
+clemency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public expense, in
+a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to
+wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms,
+about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of
+allegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain
+on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very
+day. I am told, however, by divers observant travelers, that they have
+never been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their ancestors; but
+that they still do strangely transmit, <a name='Page_324'></a>from father to son, manifest marks
+of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers.</p>
+
+<p>The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded to the arms of the
+triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed
+under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control
+of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary was
+called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-man, who derived his
+surname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his
+nose, which projected from the center of his countenance like the beak of
+a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of
+the most ancient and honorable families of the province; the members of
+which do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, nor as your
+noble families in England would do by having a glowing proboscis
+emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly
+nose stuck in the very middle of their faces.</p>
+
+<p>Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of
+only two men&mdash;Wolfet Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knocked
+overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van
+Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however,
+were immortalized as having bravely fallen in the service of their
+country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly
+fractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunately
+his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed.</p>
+
+<p>And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that
+this immaculate hero and his victorious army returned joyously to the
+Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with
+them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew who had
+refused allegiance; for it appears that the <a name='Page_325'></a>gigantic Swede had only
+fallen into a swoon at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily
+restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose.</p>
+
+<p>These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the
+governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, being the
+prison of state of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of
+Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in
+the possession of his descendants.<a name='FNanchor_56'></a><a href='#Footnote_56'><sup>[56]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New
+Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in
+the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave
+the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saving that he
+took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of
+vanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly
+entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle.</p>
+
+<p>The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchins
+who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads and
+sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war.
+As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant
+wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting,
+&quot;Hardkoppig Piet forever!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was
+prepared at the stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were
+assembled, in one glorious constellation, the great and little luminaries
+of New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy,
+the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows, the
+subaltern officers at the elbows of the <a name='Page_326'></a>schepens, and so on, down to the
+lowest hanger-on of police; every tag having his rag at his side, to
+finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of
+immortal dulness. In short&mdash;for a city feast is a city feast all over the
+world, and has been a city feast ever since the creation&mdash;the dinner went
+off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth of
+July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, oceans of
+liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with
+much obstreperous fat-sided laughter.</p>
+
+<p>I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory Peter Stuyvesant
+was indebted for another of his many titles, for so hugely delighted were
+the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored
+him with the name of Pieter de Groodt; that is to say, Peter the Great;
+or, as it was translated into English by the people of New Amsterdam, for
+the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig&mdash;an appellation
+which he maintained even unto the day of his death.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_56'></a><a href='#FNanchor_56'>[56]</a><div class='note'><p> This castle, though very much altered, and modernized, is
+still in being and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing Coentie's
+Slip.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='BOOK_VII'></a><h2><a name='Page_327'></a><i>BOOK VII.</i></h2>
+
+<center>CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG&mdash;HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH
+DYNASTY.</center>
+
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_I'></a><h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture
+of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn
+warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though
+returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was checked
+on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his
+short absence. His walking-staff which he had sent home to act as his
+vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council chamber in order; the
+counsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in grim repose upon the table,
+and smoking their pipes in silence; but its control extended not out of
+doors.</p>
+
+<p>The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack
+though fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the accession of
+Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs
+as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into
+stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing
+upon, the bit in restive silence.</p>
+
+<p>Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes,
+than the whole factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their
+heads <a name='Page_328'></a>above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to &quot;discuss the
+state of the nation,&quot; where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the
+self-dubbed &quot;friends of the people,&quot; once more felt themselves inspired
+with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement
+of government.</p>
+
+<p>Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the province
+by his individual will, his first move on his return, was to put a stop to
+this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening, when an inspired
+cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter
+suddenly made his appearance with his ominous walking staff in his hand,
+and a countenance sufficient to petrify a millstone. The whole meeting was
+thrown into confusion&mdash;the orators stood aghast, with open mouth and
+trembling knees, while &quot;Horror!&quot; &quot;Tyranny!&quot; &quot;Liberty!&quot; &quot;Rights!&quot; &quot;Taxes!&quot;
+&quot;Death!&quot; &quot;Destruction!&quot; and a host of other patriotic phrases, were bolted
+forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the
+skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, and pulling
+out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a
+town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family
+curiosity, requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The orator
+humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted
+with the nature of its construction. &quot;Nay, but,&quot; said Peter, &quot;try your
+ingenuity, man; you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the
+clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and why should it not
+be equally easy to regulate as to stop it?&quot; The orator declared that his
+trade was wholly different&mdash;that he was a poor cobbler, and had never
+meddled with a watch in his life&mdash;that there were men skilled in the art
+whose business it was to attend to those matters, but for his part he
+should only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion.<a name='Page_329'></a> &quot;Why,
+harkee, master of mine,&quot; cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him with a
+countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect
+lapstone, &quot;dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government to
+regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the
+principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest
+operations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a
+trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which
+is open to thy inspection?&mdash;Hence with thee to the leather and stone,
+which are emblems of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to
+the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee; but,&quot; elevating his voice
+until it made the welkin ring, &quot;if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe,
+meddling again with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll have
+every mother's bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for
+drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>This threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused the
+whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his
+head like his own swine's bristles; and not a knight of the thimble
+present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have
+verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in
+silent consternation: the pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken to
+regulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues,
+and take care of their families; and party feuds died away to such a
+degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterly
+ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired
+effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up,
+yet did it tend to injure the popularity of the great Peter with the
+thinking part of the community; that is to say, that part which think for
+others instead <a name='Page_330'></a>of for themselves; or, in other words, who attend to
+everybody's business but their own. These accused the old governor of
+being highly aristocratical, and in truth there seems to have been some
+ground for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty,
+soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, appearing,
+when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the antique flaundish cut, and was
+especially noted for having his sound leg, which was a very comely one,
+always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe.</p>
+
+<p>Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on the
+&quot;stoep&quot; before the door, under the shade of a great button-wood tree, but
+all visits of form and state were received with something of court
+ceremony in the best parlor, where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high
+chamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage,
+and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels.</p>
+
+<p>These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much caviled
+at by the thinking, and talking, part of the community. They had been
+accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in
+particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the Testy,
+and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity and
+reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have
+pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old
+governor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a
+country should be governed by wise men; but then it is almost equally
+important that the people should think them wise; for this belief alone
+can produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirable
+confidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of
+them as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men that gives
+them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence <a name='Page_331'></a>for
+office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to
+suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains
+access to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is
+governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in everything
+else; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and
+are not so wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he may
+occasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence,
+confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such
+was the case, say they, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy
+of access, he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits with him, and
+to find out the true dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind;
+and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be
+a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by
+conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great
+reverence. As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the public
+gave him credit for very profound ones; every movement, however
+intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very red
+stockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings of
+other men.</p>
+
+<p>Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was, that he had a great leaning
+in favor of the patricians; and, indeed, in his time rose many of those
+mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched
+out so luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date,
+such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden
+Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of
+&quot;Discoverers,&quot; from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from
+Communipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate
+and Buttermilk-channel, <a name='Page_332'></a>and discovered a site for New Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>Others claimed to themselves the appellation of Conquerors, from their
+gallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at
+Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated,
+beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and
+extending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the
+Schermerhorns; a roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the Conqueror,
+and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical Dutch
+family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of
+the soil; these are the real &quot;beavers of the Manhattoes;&quot; and much does it
+grieve me in modern days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders,
+and more especially by those ingenious people, &quot;the Sons of the Pilgrims;&quot;
+who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the exchange,
+out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, that the
+tallest Dutch family mansion has not wind enough left for its weathercock.</p>
+
+<p>In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutch
+aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in
+round-crowned flaunderish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly
+gaberdine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his &quot;stoep&quot; and
+smoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain that
+the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes
+worrying about in dog day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one
+day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however,
+the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees
+sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the
+&quot;Copper-heads;&quot; while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity,
+and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping <a name='Page_333'></a>like an
+empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious
+appellation of &quot;Platter-breeches.&quot;</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_II'></a><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have it
+imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with a
+rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he
+abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling
+multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in
+righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to
+give thirteen loaves to the dozen&mdash;a golden rule which remains a monument
+of his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable austerity, he
+delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice; and for this
+purpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his reign there was a
+great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also
+flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on the
+eve of the blessed St. Nicholas.</p>
+
+<p>New Year's Day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by
+the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains
+of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with
+cherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider; every house was a temple
+to the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure
+economy, taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year
+afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither
+repaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters,
+pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was
+devoutly observant of the pious<a name='Page_334'></a> Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind for
+a happy new year; and it is traditional that Antony the trumpeter, who
+acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as
+they passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus happily
+introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low that on New Year's
+Day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was the most
+thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom.</p>
+
+<p>Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the
+distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the
+hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every
+part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by
+Antony the Trumpeter, and the effect was marvelous. Instead of those
+&quot;indignation meetings&quot; set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where
+men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the
+times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the
+two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted &quot;quilting bees,&quot;
+and &quot;husking bees,&quot; and other rural assemblages, where, under the
+inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and
+followed up by the dance. &quot;Raising bees&quot; also were frequent, where houses
+sprang up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of Thebes
+sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion.</p>
+
+<p>Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those
+days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor came
+dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the
+land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlands were merry
+rather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of
+good humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from every
+hamlet along the Hudson!</p><a name='Page_335'></a>
+
+<p>Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his
+favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired that
+potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly
+assemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on
+Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of
+the Battery; with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here
+would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the
+old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would
+he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war, in
+the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to
+those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously; and now
+and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who
+held out longest, and tired down every competitor&mdash;infallible proof of her
+being the best dancer.</p>
+
+<p>Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of
+interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of
+course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen
+petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran
+through the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, but
+the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had
+marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for
+the &quot;poor thing,&quot; and even the governor himself appeared to be in some
+kind of perturbation.</p>
+
+<p>To complete the confusion of the good folk she undertook, in the course of
+a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing-master
+at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, some
+vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took
+place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great
+<a name='Page_336'></a>consternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, and
+the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized.</p>
+
+<p>The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion ever
+since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and though
+extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he
+immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce
+to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the
+gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than &quot;shuffle and turn,&quot;
+and &quot;double trouble;&quot; and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, any
+young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed &quot;exhibiting the graces.&quot;</p>
+
+<p>These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these
+were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that
+becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are
+invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shown, was a
+sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasion
+to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the young
+vrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter were pushed any further,
+there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether; whereupon the
+good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after
+suffered the women to wear their petticoats, and cut their capers as high
+as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the
+Manhattoes unto the present day.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_III'></a><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable
+picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of peace.
+It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are
+again gathering up from all points of the <a name='Page_337'></a>compass, and, if I am not
+mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing
+chapters.</p>
+
+<p>It is with some communities, as it is with certain meddlesome
+individuals&mdash;they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and I
+have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the
+least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the
+excessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that this
+rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined; which
+accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men and
+ugly little women more especially.</p>
+
+<p>Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlands; which,
+by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies;
+has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in a
+fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woebegone
+little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and
+sublimity to this pathetic history.</p>
+
+<p>The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused
+by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen.
+Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field, at
+the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg seeking to annex the whole of
+the Catskill mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of these
+mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the venerable
+Dutch settlements of Esopus.</p>
+
+<p>Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter
+Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all
+Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has
+recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg
+commotions, they are among the flatulencies which <a name='Page_338'></a>from time to time
+afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and
+which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence.</p>
+
+<p>The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy
+Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than
+enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race
+of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of
+whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellent
+history:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&quot;The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior,
+and attire&mdash;their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their
+tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long; carved at the great end
+with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of
+a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of a
+yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable.&quot;<a name='FNanchor_57'></a><a href='#Footnote_57'><sup>[57]</sup></a></p>
+
+<p>These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind
+of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land;
+but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony
+of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland; so called because
+the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were
+prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They
+were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and
+jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to
+be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail,
+stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical
+merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks.</p>
+
+<p>This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, <a name='Page_339'></a>a British nobleman, was
+managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall,
+that is to say, &quot;offend all,&quot; a name given him for his bullying
+propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening
+him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the
+rightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of
+Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his
+Nederlanders out of the country.</p>
+
+<p>The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard, when
+he received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering
+menaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors of the
+Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to
+hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the
+whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as
+such, and he was but a little one.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River, and enacting
+scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity
+of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the
+Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to Mynheer
+Beekman to keep up a bold front and a stout heart, promising, as soon as
+he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with
+his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and
+mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_57'></a><a href='#FNanchor_57'>[57]</a><div class='note'><p> Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_IV'></a><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the
+crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaigns
+on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill
+Mountains, the <a name='Page_340'></a>twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually
+active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw
+Nederlands.</p>
+
+<p>Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings
+along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into
+the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into
+the land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, their
+men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle
+themselves down in the land and possess it; so these chosen people of
+modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style,
+conducting carts and waggons laden with household furniture, with women
+and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the
+tail of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided
+varlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, resolutely
+bent upon &quot;locating&quot; themselves, as they termed it, and improving the
+country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they
+were guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but it was notorious that,
+wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen gradually disappeared,
+retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men; being in some way
+or other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain
+English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which
+our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by
+which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions.</p>
+
+<p>He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt
+to be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw
+diplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to
+repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the
+sword in one hand and the olive-branch in the <a name='Page_341'></a>other, and giving them
+their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war.</p>
+
+<p>His privy council were astonished and dismayed when he announced his
+determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the
+rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and
+barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty
+weathercock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the
+iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described by
+Aristotle, and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily
+believed he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor
+called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical
+temperament.</p>
+
+<p>Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van
+Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him
+the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise.</p>
+
+<p>Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, yet
+by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow
+(having never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund,
+gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed
+to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter
+Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir.</p>
+
+<p>Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this
+command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted
+old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty&mdash;and he moreover
+still remembered the frolicing, and dancing, and bundling, and other
+disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of
+numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to
+encounter.</p>
+
+<p>Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant
+but his trumpeter, upon one <a name='Page_342'></a>of the most perilous enterprises ever
+recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture
+openly among a whole nation of foes&mdash;but, above all, for a plain,
+downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New
+England!&mdash;never was there known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since I
+have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto
+uncelebrated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and
+anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh, for
+a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose
+on it as on a feather-bed!</p>
+
+<p>Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee
+from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the
+powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough that I have followed
+thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid
+battle of Fort Christina? That I have been put incessantly to my trumps to
+keep them safe and sound&mdash;now warding off with my single pen the shower of
+dastard blows that fell upon thy rear&mdash;now narrowly shielding thee from a
+deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box&mdash;now casing thy dauntless skull with
+adamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword of
+the stout Risingh&mdash;and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but
+triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate
+means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thou
+still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong
+enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian?</p>
+
+<p>And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside the
+sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly
+red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of
+Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed
+steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the <a name='Page_343'></a>firmament, like a
+loitering coachman, half-an-hour behind his time. And now behold that imp
+of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned,
+switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing
+on his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such
+fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware.</p>
+
+<p>Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a
+broken-winded, walleyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low
+the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm; and his trumpet displayed
+vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which
+is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing
+out of the city gate, like an iron clad hero of yore, with his faithful
+squire at his heels; the populace following with their eyes, and shouting
+many a parting wish and hearty cheering, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet!
+Farewell, honest Antony! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous your
+return!&mdash;the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest
+trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather!</p>
+
+<p>Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers
+in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the
+occasion by Dominie &AElig;gidius Luyck,<a name='FNanchor_58'></a><a href='#Footnote_58'><sup>[58]</sup></a> who appears to have been the poet
+laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it
+was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower
+hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of Nature,
+as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael; which in
+those <a name='Page_344'></a>days was a sweet and rural valley, beautiful with many a bright
+wild flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and
+there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping
+hill, and almost buried in embowering trees.</p>
+
+<p>Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they
+encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were
+assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted
+on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them
+exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter,
+whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place,
+hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and
+mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five
+shillings for traveling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to
+a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees; but these the
+valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they
+bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their
+cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he
+escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag; who, with undaunted
+perseverance and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly
+switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered
+Narraganset pacer.</p>
+
+<p>But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along
+the course of the soft flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the
+song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain; now reflecting the
+lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the
+humble hamlet; now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the
+cheerful song of the peasant.</p>
+
+<p>At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio,
+order the sturdy<a name='Page_345'></a> Antony to sound a courteous salutation; though the
+manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay
+when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incomparable
+achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and
+they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold
+transgressions.</p>
+
+<p>But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving
+his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verily
+believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into
+their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which
+ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor
+of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to
+compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous
+furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed,
+so much does prowess in arms delight the gentler sex. The little children,
+too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his
+brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I
+omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding
+the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his
+trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The
+kind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all
+with infinite loving kindness, and was right pleased to see a crew of
+little trumpeters crowding round him for his blessing, each of whom he
+patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy
+molasses candy.</p>
+
+<p>FOOTNOTES:</p>
+
+<a name='Footnote_58'></a><a href='#FNanchor_58'>[58]</a><div class='note'><p> This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in
+Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to &AElig;gidius Luyck in
+D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with Judith Isendoorn. (Old
+MSS.)</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_V'></a><h3><a name='Page_346'></a>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant,
+followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through
+the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved
+province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British
+Cabinet.</p>
+
+<p>This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret
+instigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselves
+totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the
+Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British
+Government, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and delights of
+this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be
+sent out to invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land.</p>
+
+<p>These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion
+was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are assured
+by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astounding
+victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout
+Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the
+jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This
+jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore,
+who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted
+to him by the British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights.
+Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or
+Lond Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the
+kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British
+territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the
+Nederlanders.</p><a name='Page_347'></a>
+
+<p>The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on
+the part of his Majesty Charles the Second for the safety and well-being
+of his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the
+New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a
+continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British Crown by
+the pilgrims when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British
+oppression. All this goodly land thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he
+presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother the Duke of York, a
+donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give
+away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be
+merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway
+despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put
+his brother in complete possession of the premises.</p>
+
+<p>Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While
+the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in somber security, and the
+privy councillors are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter the
+Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country, in the
+confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council
+to terms, a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the
+Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing
+Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial.</p>
+
+<p>But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that in all warlike conflicts
+and doubtful perplexities he will every acquit himself like a gallant,
+noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge! Shine
+out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes; and the
+blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_VI'></a><h3><a name='Page_348'></a>CHAPTER VI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness
+is seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity, therefore, has been
+wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can
+never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace.
+In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an individual
+(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and
+misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur; and even when sinking
+under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than
+ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity.</p>
+
+<p>The vast Empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and
+concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of
+drowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the
+subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented
+nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and
+Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their
+contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano.
+The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years'
+distress and final conflagration. Paris rose in importance by the plots
+and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even the
+mighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for
+nothing of moment excepting the Plague, the Great Fire, and Guy Faux's
+Gunpowder Plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in silent
+obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch,
+as it were, immortality from the explosion.</p>
+
+<p>The above principle being admitted, my reader <a name='Page_349'></a>will plainly perceive that
+the city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high road
+to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is
+really a matter of astonishment how so small a State has been able in so
+short a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the
+province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the
+tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing in
+historic importance: and never could it have had a more appropriate
+chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+<p>This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daring
+progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached
+Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which
+was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van
+Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little
+in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great mind, he
+placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his
+left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and,
+with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode
+into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet
+before him in a manner to electrify the whole community.</p>
+<br />
+
+<p>Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such a
+hurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads out
+of windows; such gathering of knots in market-places Peter Stuyvesant was
+a straightforward man, and prone to do everything above board. He would
+have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a
+parley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to deal
+with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent
+forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style
+befitting <a name='Page_350'></a>the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply all
+kinds of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other courteous
+impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal
+to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein he
+was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long sufferings, and
+achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even said he was treated to
+a sight of Plymouth Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire.</p>
+
+<p>I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which
+time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite
+annoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling
+on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them
+to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic
+negotiations; a great deal was said and very little done; one conversation
+led to another; one conference begot misunderstandings which it took a
+dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found
+themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to
+an agreement.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered the brain and
+incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the
+dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact
+that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by
+sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him
+with subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by land!</p>
+
+<p>Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himself
+thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil! Now did he draw his
+trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the
+Amphictyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he
+resolve to fight his <a name='Page_351'></a>way throughout all the regions of the east, and to
+lay waste Connecticut river.</p>
+
+<p>Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on
+this ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no
+other councillor than thine own head; no other armour but an honest
+tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but
+St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter&mdash;did I not tremble
+when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers
+of New England?</p>
+
+<p>It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van
+Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the
+spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, and
+prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston.
+With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the
+present; to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations;
+and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the
+salvation of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; he
+forthwith dispatched a secret message to his councillors at New Amsterdam,
+apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a
+posture of defense, promising to come as soon as possible to their
+assistance. This done, he felt marvelously relieved, rose slowly, shook
+himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same
+manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle,
+in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress.</p>
+
+<p>And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this
+imminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going
+on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a
+turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thing
+<a name='Page_352'></a>with heart and soul he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and
+sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those
+things in person which in modern days are trusted to generals and
+ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an
+uproar&mdash;all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect which
+induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the
+renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_VII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community
+where every individual has a voice in public affairs; where every
+individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation; and where every
+individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his
+country&mdash;I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than
+such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues&mdash;such
+patriotic bawling&mdash;such running hither and thither&mdash;everybody in a
+hurry&mdash;everybody in trouble&mdash;everybody in the way, and everybody
+interrupting his neighbor&mdash;who is busily employed in doing nothing! It is
+like witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog&mdash;some
+dragging about empty engines, others scampering with full buckets, and
+spilling the contents into their neighbors' boots, and others ringing the
+church bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen,
+like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down
+scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing the
+attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the
+unfortunate, catches up some article of no value, and gallants it off with
+an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money;
+there another throws <a name='Page_353'></a>looking-glasses and china out of the window, to save
+them from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down
+the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of &quot;Fire! fire! fire!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>&quot;When the news arrived at Sinope,&quot; says Lucian&mdash;though I own the story is
+rather trite-&quot;that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants were
+thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms; others
+rolled stones to build up the walls; everybody, in short, was employed,
+and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find
+nothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country
+was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with
+might and main up and down the Gymnasium.&quot; In like manner did every
+mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the
+missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things
+in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. &quot;Every man,&quot; said the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, &quot;flew to arms!&quot; by which is meant that not one of
+our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an
+old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch
+fowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night without a
+lantern, nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest he
+should come unawares upon a British army; and we are informed that Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as
+the governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in his
+entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back.</p>
+
+<p>But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one
+which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popular
+meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, were
+extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment of
+<a name='Page_354'></a>unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress
+them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the
+orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and
+exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions
+to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was
+resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most
+formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth.
+This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately
+proposed&mdash;whether it were not possible and politic to exterminate Great
+Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only
+one arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punishment for his treasonable
+presumption, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered,
+which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards
+considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing.
+The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it
+was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was
+accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were
+wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous.
+Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, the
+old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and
+their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, the community
+began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low
+Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most woefully
+beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it
+was proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon the
+will of the New Amsterdammers.</p>
+
+<p>Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a
+multitude of the wiser inhabitants <a name='Page_355'></a>assembled, and having purchased all
+the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge
+bonfire, and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present who
+had a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw it
+into the flames, to the irreparable detriment, loss and ruin of the
+English manufacturers! In commemoration of this great exploit they erected
+a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain, under the
+similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the
+globe; but either through the unskillfulness of the sculptor, or his
+ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly
+striving to get hold of a dumpling.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_VIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER VIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of
+that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that not
+withstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the
+city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before.
+The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this; and, having
+received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of
+defense, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to
+assist them with their wisdom. These were of that order of citizens
+commonly termed &quot;men of the greatest weight in the community;&quot; their
+weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their
+purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang
+like a millstone round the neck of the community.</p>
+
+<p>Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
+first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second,
+that, as <a name='Page_356'></a>the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; which
+points being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboring
+one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was
+this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in
+this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of
+wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused,
+as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd.
+Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of
+measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered
+the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent
+invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch
+critic who judged of books by their size.</p>
+
+<p>This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
+customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by
+certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
+barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarly
+noted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair of
+the least importance without previous debates and harangues among their
+chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing
+their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing
+them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they
+possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent of
+holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body
+was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they
+considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his
+duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them,
+required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood
+it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by <a name='Page_357'></a>every
+soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty
+mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this
+assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom,
+the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words.</p>
+
+<p>We are told that disciples on entering the school of Pythagoras were for
+two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions or make
+remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their
+tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to
+communicate their own opinions.</p>
+
+<p>With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be
+introduced in modern legislative bodies&mdash;and how wonderfully would it have
+tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, the stumbling block of
+William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the
+cheapest plan of defense was insisted upon as the best; it being deemed a
+great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economise in ball.</p>
+
+<p>Thus old Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously
+personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting the
+venerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the old
+factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by
+the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor.
+Whatever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of
+Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect
+the downfall of their rivals, their second to elevate themselves, and
+their third to consult the public good; though many left the third
+consideration out of question altogether.</p>
+
+<p>In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing <a name='Page_358'></a>the number of
+projects that were struck out; projects which threw the windmill system of
+William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost
+uniformly opposed by the &quot;men of the greatest weight in the community;&quot;
+your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at
+&quot;negativing.&quot; Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers,
+who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of
+defence proposed. These were that class of &quot;conservatives&quot; who, having
+amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it
+were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling
+beatitude of conscious wealth; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed
+a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its
+life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to
+these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion
+of locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armament
+was to throw their money into the sea; to build fortifications was to bury
+it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as
+their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left
+no scar; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all
+maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the
+patient.</p>
+
+<p>Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away their time, which
+the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and
+long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with
+which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay
+was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their distracted
+situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in
+the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of
+fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to <a name='Page_359'></a>loggerheads in
+consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was
+happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed them
+that a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_IX'></a><h3>CHAPTER IX.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling,
+eyeing one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in each
+other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly
+put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, so
+was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and
+totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled
+home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with
+corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the
+street-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without venturing to
+peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball.</p>
+
+<p>The sovereign people crowded into the marketplace, herding together with
+the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when the
+shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold.
+Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's
+terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search of
+encouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments a confirmation
+of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great
+Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy&mdash;while the
+old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their
+fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted<a name='Page_360'></a> Peter! and how
+did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed a
+gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day
+after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without
+bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was
+hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not
+been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? Had they
+not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons? Had they
+not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? In the midst
+of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty
+nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New
+Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant
+sound of a trumpet;&mdash;it approached&mdash;it grew louder and louder&mdash;and now it
+resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the
+well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant
+Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came
+galloping into the marketplace.</p>
+
+<p>The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round
+the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings and
+congratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them the marvelous
+adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making
+their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where anything
+touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the
+incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will
+not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say,
+that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he
+could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships
+<a name='Page_361'></a>sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports
+to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its
+promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter,
+perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate
+decampment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn
+his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth escapes and divers
+perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scourged, without sound of
+trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country in
+an uproar with hostile preparation, and they were obliged to take a large
+circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the
+Devil's Backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth, one day like a
+lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three
+generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take
+possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony
+had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of
+his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in
+hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshaling forth their
+draggle-tailed militia.</p>
+
+<p>The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount
+the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron.
+This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout
+frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent., informs us, &quot;three
+hundred valiant red coats.&quot; Having taken this survey, he sat himself down,
+and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his
+anchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so to do.
+This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though
+I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he
+had a bitter sardonic grin <a name='Page_362'></a>upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having
+despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town,
+with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches
+pockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small
+resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is brewing. The
+very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay; while all the old and
+ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to
+save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment!</p>
+
+<p>The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched in
+terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor, declaring the
+right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed
+the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts,
+etc., should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and
+protection; promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free
+trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's
+government.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of
+aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John
+Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to be
+taken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket,
+stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great
+vehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer
+the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy
+councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for confident in
+his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give
+them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct.</p>
+
+<p>His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the
+late valiant burgomasters, <a name='Page_363'></a>who had demolished the whole British empire in
+their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places; crawling
+cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting at
+every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers;
+and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable
+soldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms! Having, however, in
+despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe,
+without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their
+seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a
+few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and
+stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed
+in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on
+his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped
+himself in this portentious manner unless something of martial nature were
+working within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if
+they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their
+pipes in breathless suspense.</p>
+
+<p>His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle
+debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting
+the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those
+brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty
+bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He now
+called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had
+defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the
+summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend
+the province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg to
+stand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flat
+of his sword upon the table that quite electrified his auditors.</p><a name='Page_364'></a>
+
+<p>The privy councillors who had long since been brought into as perfect
+discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there
+was no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in
+silence like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being
+inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency acquired at
+popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit,
+when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present
+jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested
+a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general
+meeting of the people.</p>
+
+<p>So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused
+the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself&mdash;what, then, must have been
+its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a
+governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of
+the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition? He burst forth into a blaze
+of indignation&mdash;swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of
+it; that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of
+tobacco for either; that they might go home and go to bed like old women,
+for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance
+of them or their adherents! So saying, he tucked his sword under his arm,
+cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped
+indignantly out of the council chamber, everybody making room for him as
+he passed.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meeting
+in front of the stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue
+Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of
+William the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking
+the reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the
+land, and reverenced by <a name='Page_365'></a>the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing
+that he was the first to imprint New-year cakes with the mysterious
+hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such-like magical devices.</p>
+
+<p>This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter
+Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech,
+informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received to
+surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the
+public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions
+highly to the honor and advantage of the province.</p>
+
+<p>He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high-sounding terms of
+vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to Nero,
+Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the people that
+the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the
+present; that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood-stained
+tablet of history; that ages would roll back with sudden horror when they
+came to view it; that the womb of time (by the way, your orators and
+writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would
+fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman)&mdash;that the womb of
+time, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a
+parallel enormity: with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring
+tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, for
+they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of
+popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric
+under the general title of Rigmarole.</p>
+
+<p>The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorial
+addressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on his
+conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer
+of this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no inclination of
+coming again <a name='Page_366'></a>within kicking distance of his excellency. Who did deliver
+it has never been named in history; in which neglect he has suffered
+grievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with him
+perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. All
+we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim
+Peter to light his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he smoked
+it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_X'></a><h3>CHAPTER X.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Now did the high-minded Peter de Groodt shower down a pannier load of
+maledictions upon his burgomaster for a set of self-willed, obstinate,
+factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he
+omit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign people, as
+a heard of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships and
+illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and
+eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortality and a
+broken head.</p>
+
+<p>Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even
+of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his
+right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his
+war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country
+night and day&mdash;sounding the alarm along the pastoral border of the
+Bronx&mdash;startling the wild solitudes of Croton&mdash;arousing the rugged
+yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken&mdash;the mighty men of battle of Tappan
+Bay&mdash;and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and
+Sleepy-Hollow&mdash;charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns,
+shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes.</p>
+
+<p>Now there was nothing in all the world, the <a name='Page_367'></a>divine sex excepted, that
+Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just
+stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle,
+well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the
+city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway;
+sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the
+winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more were they to be
+gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter.</p>
+
+<p>It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek
+(sagely denominated Haerlem river) which separates the island of
+Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an
+uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of
+brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient
+ghost upon the brink, and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of his
+errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously
+that he would swim across in spite of the devil (<i>spyt den duyvel</i>), and
+daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! scarce had he buffeted
+half-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battling
+with the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his trumpet to his
+mouth, and giving a vehement blast sank for ever to the bottom.</p>
+
+<p>The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned
+Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rang
+far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who
+hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his
+veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the
+melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow of giving
+belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge mossbonker, seize
+the sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him <a name='Page_368'></a>beneath the waves. Certain it
+is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the
+Hudson, has been called <i>Spyt den Duyvel</i> ever since; the ghost of the
+unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trumpet
+has often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with the
+howling of the blast.</p>
+
+<p>Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary,
+a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in the
+future; and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence that no
+true Dutchman will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates
+the devil.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear&mdash;a man deserving of a better fate.
+He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until the
+day of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind
+some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country&mdash;fine,
+chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speak
+true (and they are not apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race of
+editors who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid
+by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable.
+It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the east he did
+much towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which is
+adduced the notorious propensity of the people of those parts to sound
+their own trumpet.</p>
+
+<p>As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and
+night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and
+solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the
+generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of
+Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;
+he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the
+martial <a name='Page_369'></a>melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching
+loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. He
+was gone for ever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur was
+skulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try thy
+fortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine
+forth&mdash;Peter the Headstrong!</p>
+
+<p>The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night; still
+all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind
+lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious,
+yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the
+eventful morning when the Great Peter was to give his reply to the summons
+of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting
+in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon
+boiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters
+flashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier
+arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut,
+counseling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, to
+surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to which
+a refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to intrude officious
+advice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery old
+governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the
+bosoms of his councillors to quake with awe; railing at his unlucky fate,
+that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects and jesuitical
+advisers.</p>
+
+<p>Just at this ill-chosen juncture the officious burgomasters, who had heard
+of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the
+room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and
+abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the
+spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces&mdash;threw
+<a name='Page_370'></a>it in the face of the nearest burgomaster&mdash;broke his pipe over the head
+of the next&mdash;hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just
+retreating out at the door; and finally prorogued the whole meeting <i>sine
+die</i>, by kicking them downstairs with his wooden leg.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion, and had
+time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at full
+length, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and
+vindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for their own
+parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by
+the timber toe of his excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of
+the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the
+seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the harangue
+came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of
+character vested in all true mobs; who, though they may bear injuries
+without a murmur, yet are marvelously jealous of their sovereign dignity;
+and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been
+provoked, had they not been somewhat more afright of their sturdy old
+governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or the d&mdash;&mdash;l
+himself.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_XI'></a><h3>CHAPTER XI.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle
+which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and
+venerable little city&mdash;the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited
+country&mdash;garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men,
+burgomasters, schepens, and old women&mdash;governed by a determined and
+strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and
+resolutions&mdash;blockaded <a name='Page_371'></a>by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with
+direful desolation from without; while its very vitals are torn with
+internal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen record a page of
+more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the
+Israelites during the siege of Jerusalem, where discordant parties were
+cutting each other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions of
+Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword
+into the very <i>sanctum sanctorum</i> of the temple!</p>
+
+<p>Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout,
+and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, despatched
+a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein he
+asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the
+righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance!</p>
+
+<p>My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenes
+prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded
+in these manly and affectionate terms:&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>&quot;As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to
+    answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as
+    merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in His gracious
+    disposal, and we may as well be preserved by Him with small
+    forces as by a great army, which makes us to wish you all
+    happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to His
+    protection.&mdash;My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate
+    servant and friend,</p>
+
+<p>    &quot;P. STUYVESANT.&quot;</p></div>
+
+<p>Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of
+horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side,
+thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce <a name='Page_372'></a>little
+war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house,
+determined to defend his beloved city to the last.</p>
+
+<p>While all these struggles and dissentions were prevailing in the unhappy
+city of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was
+framing the above quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain
+idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of
+the populace; and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacent
+country a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in
+their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple
+Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They
+promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his
+British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw,
+and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe,
+speak Dutch, wear as many beeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles,
+and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot.
+That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language,
+nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than by
+casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of
+his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That
+every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat,
+shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage; and that no man
+should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any other
+modern innovations; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his
+house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his
+children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time
+immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade,
+and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar
+<a name='Page_373'></a>than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the
+tutelar saint of the city.</p>
+
+<p>These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people,
+who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most
+singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain little
+more than honor and broken heads: the first of which they held in
+philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By these
+insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the
+confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor,
+whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous
+misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse
+him most heartily, behind his back.</p>
+
+<p>Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and
+brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the
+boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the
+inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise,
+contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble.</p>
+
+<p>But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance,
+they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh,
+and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been
+subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progeny of
+Preserved Fish and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters,
+to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships
+prepared for an assault by water.</p>
+
+<p>The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and
+consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and
+assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The
+whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed
+into arrant old women&mdash;a metamorphosis only to be <a name='Page_374'></a>paralleled by the
+prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of
+Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into
+sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street.</p>
+
+<p>Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence,
+blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee
+invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave
+way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until
+it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender.</p>
+
+<p>Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving this
+intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could
+not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their
+congratulations&mdash;they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer
+of his country&mdash;they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and
+were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with
+victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort
+Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took
+refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear
+the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble.</p>
+
+<p>Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was
+speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be
+signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this
+purpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike
+accoutrements were laid aside; an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about
+his rugged limbs; a red nightcap overshadowed his frowning brow; an
+iron-grey beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to his
+visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign
+the loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible
+countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb-senna, <a name='Page_375'></a>and ipecacuanha, had been
+offered to his lips. At length, dashing it from him, he seized his
+brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St.
+Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven.</p>
+
+<p>For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during
+which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous
+revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to
+soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the
+burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the
+capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle
+strongly barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked
+hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window.</p>
+
+<p>There was something in this formidable position that struck even the
+ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not
+but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when
+they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to his
+post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful
+city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by
+the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged
+themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectful
+humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators
+described by Sallust as being &quot;talkative rather than eloquent,&quot; stepped
+forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length,
+detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the
+province, and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same arguments
+and words, to sign the capitulation.</p>
+
+<p>The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence. Now and
+then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant
+<a name='Page_376'></a>grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But
+though a man of most undaunted mettle&mdash;though he had a heart as big as an
+ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn&mdash;yet after all he was
+a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal
+haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would
+follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for
+his consent; or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour
+in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them
+to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a
+pole, and having scrawled his hand at the bottom of it, he anathematised
+them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons&mdash;threw the
+capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard
+stumping downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently
+took to their heels; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the
+premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and
+greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure.</p>
+
+<p>Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fed
+warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and
+batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers
+made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to
+protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated
+in silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through the
+streets.</p>
+
+<p>Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces,
+enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm, as <i>locum tenens</i> for
+the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that
+of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth
+were denominated New York, and so have continued <a name='Page_377'></a>to be called unto the
+present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to
+maintain quiet possession of their property, but so inveterately did they
+retain their abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting of
+the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of
+their conquerors to dinner.</p>
+
+
+<div class='blkquot'><p>NOTE.
+
+<p>    Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus
+    overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens,
+    a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by
+    one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they
+    crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and
+    cabbage gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers
+    among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have
+    remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to
+    repeople the city with the genuine breed, whenever it shall be
+    effectually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine
+    descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York still look
+    with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did
+    the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of
+    Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance is to
+    come.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_XII'></a><h3>CHAPTER XII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Thus then have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but before I
+lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty.
+If, among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there should
+haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with
+celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will
+doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To
+gratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more lengths than to
+instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers.</p>
+
+<p>No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of
+capitulation, than, determined not to <a name='Page_378'></a>witness the humiliation of his
+favorite city, he turned his back on its walls, and made a growling
+retreat to his bowery, or country seat, which was situated about two miles
+off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement.
+There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid
+the distracting cares of government, and tasted the sweets of absolute and
+uncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed
+with the bitterness of opposition.</p>
+
+<p>No persuasion should ever induce him to revisit the city; on the contrary,
+he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the
+windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees,
+planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screen that effectually
+excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerate
+innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors&mdash;forbade a word
+of their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibition
+readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything but
+Dutch, and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house
+because it consisted of English cherry trees.</p>
+
+<p>The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast
+province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in
+narrower limits. He patroled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of
+his little territory, repelled every encroachment with intrepid
+promptness: punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his
+farmyard with inflexible severity, and conducted every stray hog or cow in
+triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless
+stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and
+his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart,
+had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to
+this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an<a name='Page_379'></a>
+Englishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand of
+assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality.
+Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at
+his door, with his cart-load of tinware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter
+would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious
+clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of &quot;notions&quot; was
+fain to betake himself to instant flight.</p>
+
+<p>His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, was carefully hung
+up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of
+every month, and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim
+repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full-length
+portrait of the renowned admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he
+maintained strict discipline, and a well organized despotic government;
+but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects
+was his constant object. He watched over not merely their immediate
+comforts, but their morals and their ultimate welfare; for he gave them
+abundance of excellent admonition; nor could any of them complain, that,
+when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing
+wholesome correction.</p>
+
+<p>The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an
+overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse
+among my fellow citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of
+Governor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed liberality,
+of jocund revelry and warm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled
+with genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an
+unceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment unknown in these
+days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously
+observed throughout his dominions; nor was the <a name='Page_380'></a>day of St. Nicholas
+suffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in the
+chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies.</p>
+
+<p>Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full
+regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New
+Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of
+saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at
+liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased, for on this day
+their master was always observed to unbend and become exceedingly pleasant
+and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errands
+for pigeons' milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and
+humored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well disciplined
+dependent. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land,
+injuring no man, envying no man, molested by no outward strifes, perplexed
+by no internal commotions; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were
+vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind by
+war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the
+little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the
+domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant.</p>
+
+<p>In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of
+mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak,
+which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still
+retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan, with every
+blast&mdash;so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the port
+and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry,
+yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame&mdash;but his
+heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With
+matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence
+concerning the battles <a name='Page_381'></a>between the English and Dutch; still would his
+pulse beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter&mdash;and his
+countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of
+the English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoke his fifth
+pipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, conquering the whole
+British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of
+bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in
+a ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of a
+great victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over the
+brave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart
+that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to
+death's door by a violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he still
+displayed the unconquerable sprit of Peter the Headstrong&mdash;holding out to
+the last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole army of old women,
+who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch
+mode of defense, by inundation.</p>
+
+<p>While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought
+him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat with little loss,
+and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the
+old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words. He partly raised
+himself in bed, clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripe
+that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Port Christina, and
+giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and expired.
+Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright
+governor, and an honest Dutchman, who wanted only a few empires to
+desolate to have been immortalized as a hero!</p>
+
+<p>His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and
+solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded
+<a name='Page_382'></a>in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his
+sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollection, while the
+memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient
+burghers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall; the
+populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier, and the melancholy
+procession was closed by a number of gray-bearded negroes, who had
+wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the
+greater part of a century.</p>
+
+<p>With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave.
+They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal
+services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled,
+with secret upbraiding, their own factious oppositions to his government;
+and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been
+known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a
+pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek; while he muttered,
+with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head, &quot;Well,
+den!&mdash;Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!&quot;</p>
+
+<p>His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he
+had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, and
+which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's
+church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, as
+it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants,
+who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence
+to the customs and manners that prevailed in the &quot;good old times,&quot; have
+proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and
+oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money-diggers, in
+quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor,
+though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their
+researches; <a name='Page_383'></a>and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, that
+does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he
+conceived it a great exploit to rob &quot;Stuyvesant's orchard&quot; on a holiday
+afternoon?</p>
+
+<p>At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of
+the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors
+from the parlor wall, his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best
+bed-room; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspended
+in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a
+new-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured
+up in the store-room as an invaluable relique.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+<a name='VII_CHAPTER_XIII'></a><h3>CHAPTER XIII.</h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful
+and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and
+authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and
+heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty
+empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the
+disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been
+extinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of
+states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wrought
+their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy
+commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and
+powers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall; each
+in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre; each has returned to its primeval
+nothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their High
+Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the
+Doubter, the fretful reign of William <a name='Page_384'></a>the Testy, and the chivalric reign
+of Peter the Headstrong.</p>
+
+<p>Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered over
+attentively; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed
+greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found and the lamp
+of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn
+against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweening
+fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of
+prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to destroy its pride
+of character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to the calls of honor
+and of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his
+pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such
+supineness ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded
+up produces the usurpation of a second; one encroachment passively
+suffered makes way for another; and the nation which thus, through a
+doting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and interest, will at length
+have to fight for existence.</p>
+
+<p>Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warning
+against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts without
+system, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies;
+which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness of
+ignorance and imbecility; which stoops for popularity by courting the
+prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than commanding the
+respect, of the rabble; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors,
+and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions;
+which mistakes procrastination for weariness&mdash;hurry for
+decision&mdash;parsimony for economy&mdash;bustle for business, and vaporing for
+valor; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate
+in action, and feeble in execution; which undertakes enterprises <a name='Page_385'></a>without
+forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without
+energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat.</p>
+
+<p>Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and
+decision, even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded by
+perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled courage
+will command respect and secure honor, even where success is unattainable.
+But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the
+good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving
+professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they most
+mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions and
+wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, or
+apprehension will overpower the deference to authority.</p>
+
+<p>Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their intemperate
+harangues, their violent &quot;resolutions,&quot; their hectorings against an absent
+enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust and
+despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue.
+Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destitute
+of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and
+bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution
+us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a
+noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe
+with courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but takes from the
+merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful.</p>
+
+<p>But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn from
+the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will
+discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and
+are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I conclude let me
+point out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain <a name='Page_386'></a>of events by
+which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of
+our globe.</p>
+
+<p>Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art a
+king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure
+up in thy heart, though little expectation have I that my work will fall
+into such hands; for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all
+grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs,
+lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom.</p>
+
+<p>By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes
+enjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of
+Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the
+conquest of New Sweden Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord
+Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the
+whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole
+extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered
+one entire dependency upon the British crown. But mark the consequence:
+the hitherto-scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no
+rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and
+finally becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shake
+off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire.
+But the chain of effects stopped not here; the successful revolution in
+America produced the sanguinary revolution in France which produced the
+puissant Bonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which has thrown
+the whole world in confusion! Thus have these great Powers been
+successively punished for their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as I
+asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters
+that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort
+Casimir, as recorded in this eventful history.</p><a name='Page_387'></a>
+
+<p>And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, which, alas! must be
+for ever&mdash;willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy
+kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the
+days of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written one
+as good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will hereafter
+spring up and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, and still
+less care; well knowing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is
+vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end every one at
+table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any
+reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve,
+though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he
+was mistaken&mdash;his good-nature by telling him he was captious&mdash;or his pure
+conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so
+ingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousand
+pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery.</p>
+
+<p>I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens to
+think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will
+to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics who
+despise the world, because it despises them; on the contrary, though but
+low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and
+my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the
+unbounded love I bear it.</p>
+
+<p>If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a long
+and laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age,
+I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me
+even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile
+snows upon my brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still
+lingers around my heart, and throbs, <a name='Page_388'></a>worthy reader, throbs kindly toward
+thyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust,
+which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds,
+may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild
+flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mannahata!</p>
+
+<h5>THE END.</h5>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
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+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Knickerbocker's History of New York, Complete
+
+Author: Washington Irving
+
+Release Date: July 29, 2004 [EBook #13042]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF NEW YORK ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Franks and PG Distributed Proofreaders
+
+
+
+
+[Transcriber's note: The spelling irregularities of the original have
+been retained in this etext.]
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+COMPLETE
+
+BY
+
+WASHINGTON IRVING
+
+CHICAGO
+
+W.B. CONKEY COMPANY
+
+PUBLISHERS
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK is the book, published in December,
+1809, with which Washington Irving, at the age of twenty-six, first won
+wide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an American friend, who
+sent him the second edition----
+
+
+    "I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon degree of
+    entertainment which I have received from the most excellently
+    jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, as a stranger to
+    American parties and politics, I must lose much of the concealed
+    satire of the piece, but I must own that, looking at the simple
+    and obvious meaning only, I have never read anything so closely
+    resembling the style of Dean Swift as the annals of Diedrich
+    Knickerbocker. I have been employed these few evenings in reading
+    them aloud to Mrs. S. and two ladies who are our guests, and our
+    sides have been absolutely sore with laughing. I think, too,
+    there are passages which indicate that the author possesses
+    powers of a different kind, and has some touches which remind me
+    much of Sterne."
+
+Washington Irving was the son of William Irving, a sturdy native of the
+Orkneys, allied to the Irvines of Drum, among whose kindred was an old
+historiographer who said to them, "Some of the foolish write themselves
+Irving." William Irving of Shapinsha, in the Orkney Islands, was a petty
+officer on board an armed packet ship in His Majesty's service, when he
+met with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he married at
+Falmouth in May, 1761. Their first child was buried in England before
+July, 1763, when peace had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated to
+New York with his wife, soon to be joined by his wife's parents.
+
+At New York William Irving entered into trade, and prospered fairly until
+the outbreak of the American Revolution. His sympathy, and that of his
+wife, went with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, Lord
+Cornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, surrendered at Yorktown.
+In October, 1782, Holland acknowledged the independence of the United
+States in a treaty concluded at The Hague. In January, 1783, an armistice
+was concluded with Great Britain. In February, 1783, the independence of
+the United States was acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in March
+by Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an eleventh child was born to
+William and Sarah Irving, who was named Washington, after the hero under
+whom the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the peace was signed, New
+York was evacuated, and the independence of the United States acknowledged
+by England.
+
+Of the eleven children eight survived. William Irving, the father, was
+rigidly pious, a just and honorable man, who made religion burdensome to
+his children by associating it too much with restrictions and denials. One
+of their two weekly half-holidays was devoted to the Catechism. The
+mother's gentler sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greater
+influence; but she reverenced and loved her good husband, and when her
+youngest puzzled her with his pranks, she would say, "Ah, Washington, if
+you were only good!"
+
+For his lively spirits and quick fancy could not easily be subdued. He
+would get out of his bed-room window at night, walk along a coping, and
+climb over the roof to the top of the next house, only for the high
+purpose of astonishing a neighbor by dropping a stone down his chimney. As
+a young school-boy he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, and
+achieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. "Robinson Crusoe"
+and "Sindbad the Sailor" made him yearn to go to sea. But this was
+impossible unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, which he
+detested. He would get out of bed at night and lie on the floor for an
+hour or two by way of practice. He also took every opportunity that came
+in his way of eating the detested food. But the more he tried to like it
+the nastier it grew, and he gave up as impracticable his hope of going to
+sea. He fastened upon adventures of real travelers; he yearned for travel,
+and was entranced in his youth by first sight of the beauties of the
+Hudson River. He scribbled jests for his school friends, and, of course,
+he wrote a school-boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and he
+was placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was transferred to another,
+and then, in January, 1802, to another, where he continued his clerkship
+with a Mr. Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young daughters by a
+former marriage. With this family Washington Irving, a careless student,
+lively, clever, kind, established the happiest relations, of which
+afterwards there came the deep grief of his life and a sacred memory.
+
+Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning to thrive in business.
+A brother Peter shared his frolics with the pen. His artist pleasure in
+the theater was indulged without his father's knowledge. He would go to
+the play, come home for nine o'clock prayers, go up to bed, and climb out
+of his bed-room window, and run back and see the after-piece. So come
+evasions of undue restraint. But with all this impulsive liveliness, young
+Washington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in grave danger.
+When he was nineteen, and taken by a brother-in-law to Ballston springs,
+it was determined by those who heard his incessant night cough that he was
+"not long for this world." When he had come of age, in April, 1804, his
+brothers, chiefly his eldest brother, who was prospering, provided money
+to send him to Europe that he might recover health by restful travel in
+France, Italy and England. When he was helped up the side of the vessel
+that was to take him from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at him
+with pity and said, "There's a chap who will go overboard before we get
+across." But Washington Irving returned to New York at the beginning of
+the year 1806 with health restored.
+
+What followed will be told in the Introduction to the other volume of
+this History of New York, by Diedrich Knickerbocker.
+
+H.M.
+
+
+
+
+THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.
+
+
+The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated
+than a temporary _jeu-d'esprit_, was commenced in company with my brother,
+the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book which
+had recently appeared, entitled, "A Picture of New York." Like that, our
+work was to begin an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of the
+customs, manners and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic
+vein, and treating local errors, follies and abuses with good-humored
+satire.
+
+To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, our
+historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and we
+laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant
+or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this
+crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother
+departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone.
+
+I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the
+"Picture of New York," I determined that what had been originally intended
+as an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, and form a comic
+history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and
+disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but it
+soon became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had
+begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I
+must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the
+period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress and decline,
+presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period,
+also, at that time almost a _terra incognita_ in history. In fact, I was
+surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York
+had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early
+Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors.
+
+This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city; poetic from its
+very obscurity, and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome,
+to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city as
+fortunate above all other American cities in having an antiquity thus
+extending back into the regions of doubt and fable; neither did I conceive
+I was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts
+I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my
+own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names
+connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion.
+
+In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer,
+besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuous trespasses into this
+sacred, though neglected, region of history have met with deserved rebuke
+from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft
+thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I
+can only say with Hamlet----
+
+    "Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil
+    Free me so far in your most generous thoughts
+    That I have shot my arrow o'er the house,
+    And hurt my brother."
+
+I will say this in further apology for my work: that if it has taken an
+unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least
+turned attention to that history, and provoked research. It is only since
+this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been
+rummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the
+dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may actually
+possess.
+
+The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim
+of history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from
+poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing
+form; to illustrate its local humors, customs and peculiarities; to clothe
+home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and
+whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which
+live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the
+heart of the native inhabitant to his home.
+
+In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before
+the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were
+unrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our
+Dutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, or
+adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are
+brought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community together
+in good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rallying points of home
+feeling; the seasoning of our civic festivities; the staple of local tales
+and local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popular
+fiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I
+was the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps.
+
+I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim
+and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch
+worthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still be
+found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I
+have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the
+same temper with which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse
+of nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth still
+cherished among them; when I find its very name become a "household word,"
+and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popular
+acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance
+companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses,
+Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice; and when I find New Yorkers of
+Dutch descent priding themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbockers," I
+please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord; that
+my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages
+derived from them, are n harmony with the feelings and humors of my
+townsmen; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint
+characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants
+will not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other histories
+of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may
+take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library,
+Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored
+indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside.
+
+Sunnyside, 1848.
+
+W.I.
+
+
+
+
+Notices.
+
+WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK.
+
+
+_From the "Evening Post" of October_ 26, 1809.
+
+DISTRESSING.
+
+Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been heard of, a
+small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by
+the name of _Knickerbocker_. As there are some reasons for believing he is
+not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about
+him, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel,
+Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully
+received.
+
+P.S.--Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of humanity in
+giving an insertion to the above.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 6, 1809.
+
+_To the Editor of the "Evening Post."_
+
+SIR,--Having read, in your paper of the 26th of October last, a paragraph
+respecting an old gentleman by the name of _Knickerbocker_, who was
+missing from his lodgings; if it would be any relief to his friends, or
+furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them
+that a person answering the description given was seen by the passengers
+of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since,
+resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He
+had in his hand a small bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: he
+appeared to be traveling northward, and was very much fatigued and
+exhausted.
+
+A TRAVELER.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 16, 1809.
+
+_To the Editor of the "Evening Post."_
+
+SIR,--You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about
+_Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker_, who was missing so strangely some time
+since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since; but
+a _very curious kind of a written book_ has been found in his room, in
+his own handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive,
+that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging,
+I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same.
+
+I am, Sir, your humble servant,
+
+SETH HANDASIDE,
+
+Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel,
+
+Mulberry Street.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the same, November_ 28, 1809.
+
+LITERARY NOTICE.
+
+INSKEEP and BRADFORD have in the press, and will shortly publish,
+
+A History of New York,
+
+In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars.
+
+Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal
+policies, manners, customs, wars, &c. &c., under the Dutch government,
+furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before
+published, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other
+authenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophical
+speculations and moral precepts.
+
+This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the old
+gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It
+is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_From the "American Citizen" December_ 6, 1809.
+
+Is this day published,
+
+By INSKEEP and BRADFORD, No. 128, Broadway,
+
+A History of New York,
+
+&c. &c.
+
+(Containing same as above.)
+
+
+
+
+ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR
+
+
+It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the fall of
+1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian
+Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small,
+brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of
+olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs
+plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some
+eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore
+about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles; and all his
+baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his
+arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run; and my
+wife, who is a very shrewd little body, at once set him down for some
+eminent country schoolmaster.
+
+As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little
+puzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with his
+looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off
+with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great
+painters, Jarvis and Wood: and commands a very pleasant view of the new
+grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House and
+Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; so that it is the
+cheerfulest room in the whole house.
+
+During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy,
+good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would
+keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, or
+made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with
+his hands full of papers, and say something about "deranging his ideas;"
+which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether _compos_.
+Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room
+was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about
+at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; for he said
+he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know
+where to find them; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying
+about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully
+put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made,
+because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put
+everything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get his
+papers in order again in a twelve-month. Upon this my wife ventured to ask
+him, what he did with so many books and papers? and he told her, that he
+was "seeking for immortality"; which made her think, more than ever, that
+the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked.
+
+He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually
+poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that
+was going on; this was particularly the case about election time, when he
+did nothing but bustle about him from poll to poll, attending all ward
+meetings and committee-rooms; though I could never find that he took part
+with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and
+rail at both parties with great wrath--and plainly proved one day to the
+satisfaction of my wife, and three old ladies who were drinking tea with
+her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at the skirt
+of the nation; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its
+back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the
+neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon,
+as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believe
+he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the
+question, if they could ever have found out what it was.
+
+He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about
+the most trifling matter, and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that
+was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who
+called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But
+this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the
+city librarian; and, of course, must be a man of great learning; and I
+have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history.
+
+As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any
+pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and
+what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend
+the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the
+_Literati_; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn
+to push a lodger for his pay, so I let day after day pass on without
+dunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takes
+these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at
+last got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time "some
+people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old
+gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make
+herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his
+saddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer
+we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in
+which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great
+connections, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and
+cousin german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat
+him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making
+things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children
+their letters; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their
+children also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed
+so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to
+speak on the subject again.
+
+About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his
+hand--and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made
+after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they
+sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last,
+when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and left
+the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him
+from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor
+old gentleman; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that
+he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I
+therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy
+advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never
+been able to learn anything satisfactory about him.
+
+My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he
+had left anything behind in his room, that would pay us for his board and
+lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings,
+and his pair of saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of the
+librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large
+bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, he
+had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about;
+as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York,
+which he advised us by all means to publish; assuring us that it would be
+so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it would
+be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very
+learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the
+press, which he accordingly has done; and has, moreover, added to it a
+number of notes of his own; and an engraving of the city, as it was at the
+time Mr. Knickerbocker writes about.
+
+This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work
+printed, without waiting for the consent of the author; and I here
+declare, that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident
+has befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true and
+honest man. Which is all at present----
+
+From the public's humble servant,
+
+SETH HANDASIDE.
+
+INDEPENDENT COLUMBIAN HOTEL, NEW YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of
+this work. Shortly after its publication, a letter was received from him,
+by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the
+Hudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certain
+ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, into
+which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise,
+that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements
+that were made concerning him; and that he should learn of the publication
+of his history by mere accident.
+
+He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he was
+prevented from making several important corrections and alterations: as
+well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during
+his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at
+Haverstraw and Esopus.
+
+Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to
+New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at
+Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for
+which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found
+it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads
+and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline
+of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these
+intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State; where
+they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers,
+by the introduction of turnpike-gates and country school-houses. It is
+said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing
+the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace; but was highly
+indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the
+middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit.
+
+The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, he
+received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers; some of whom,
+however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into,
+particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany
+tea-tables, which they assured him had been discontinued for some years
+past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their
+ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of
+their neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the latter, it must
+be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon; considering these
+recordings in the lights of letters patent of nobility, establishing their
+claims to ancestry, which, in this republican country, is a matter of no
+little solicitude and vain-glory.
+
+It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the
+governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to
+shake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly was
+going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed,
+certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture
+to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that he
+privately entertained a considerable good-will for our author--nay, he
+even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own
+table, just after dinner, that "Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort
+of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which may have been led to
+suppose, that, had our author been of different politics, and written for
+the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have
+risen to some post of honor and profit: peradventure to be a notary
+public, or even a justice in the ten-pound court.
+
+Besides the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed
+by the _literati_ of Albany; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who
+entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and
+reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the
+ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart--of great literary
+research, and a curious collector of books At parting, the latter, in
+testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his
+collection; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism,
+and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands; by the
+last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second
+edition.
+
+Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to
+Scaghtikoke; where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open
+arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to
+by the family, being the first historian of the name; and was considered
+almost as great a man as his cousin the Congressman--with whom, by-the-by,
+he became perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship.
+
+In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their great
+attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and
+discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business
+to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and
+anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable
+situation; and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regular
+habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or
+drinking--both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere
+spleen and idleness.
+
+It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of
+his history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passages
+with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had
+crept into it; for he was particularly anxious that his work should be
+noted for its authenticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of
+history. But the glow of composition had departed--he had to leave many
+places untouched which he would fain have altered; and even where he did
+make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the
+better or the worse.
+
+After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong
+desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest
+affection; not merely because it was his native city, but because he
+really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return
+he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literary
+reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertisements,
+petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import; and, although he
+never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing
+innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and
+all sides of the question, in all which he was clearly detected "by his
+style."
+
+He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the postoffice, in
+consequence of the numerous letter he received from authors and printers
+soliciting his subscription--and he was applied to by every charitable
+society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering
+these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great
+corporation dinner; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at
+the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that he
+could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the
+city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted; but
+several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usual
+rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little
+boys at play have been known to cry, "There goes Diedrich!" at which the
+old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations
+in the light of the praise of posterity.
+
+In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and
+distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium, passed on his in the
+Portfolio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much
+overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days) it must be confessed
+that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or
+have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality.
+
+After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence
+at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the
+family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor.
+It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes
+beyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed, to be occasionally over-flowed,
+and much infested, in the summer-time, with mosquitoes; but otherwise
+very agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes.
+
+Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of
+a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end
+approaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his
+fortune to the New York Historical Society; his Heidelberg Catechism and
+Vander Donck's work to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr.
+Handaside. He forgave all his enemies--that is to say, all that bore any
+enmity towards him; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will to
+all the world. And, after dictating several kind messages, to his
+relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial
+Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian.
+
+His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's
+Churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; and
+it is rumored that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a
+wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green.
+
+
+
+
+TO THE PUBLIC.
+
+
+"To rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a
+just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our
+Dutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York,
+produces this historical essay."[1] Like the great Father of History,
+whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the
+twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night of
+forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude had I
+long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually
+slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and
+day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I,
+and those revered Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of
+good old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children,
+engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the
+present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past,
+and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the
+Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and
+even the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and
+Peter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus
+and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Boulogne.
+
+Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I
+industriously set myself to work to gather together all the fragments of
+our ancient history which still existed; and, like my revered prototype,
+Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored to
+continue the chain of history by well-authenticated traditions.
+
+
+In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long
+and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have
+consulted, and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though
+such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country,
+there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the
+early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch Governors. I have,
+however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate
+manuscript, written in exceeding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting a
+few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the
+Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I
+likewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumber
+garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens; and I have gathered a host of
+well-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my
+acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor
+must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that
+admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society,
+to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments.
+
+In the conduct, of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual
+model, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining
+and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians.
+Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the
+strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it,
+after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies,
+drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it with
+profound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the
+graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity,
+the grandeur and magnificence of Livy.
+
+I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and
+judicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive
+manner of my favorite Herodotus. And, to be candid, I have found it
+impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes,
+which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the
+historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his
+wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed my
+staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so
+that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation.
+
+Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival
+Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the
+loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded
+have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This
+difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated
+in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions
+in these best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy,
+with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement.
+
+But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for future
+regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this
+invaluable little work; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis,
+and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and
+choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to
+captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface
+of literature; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the
+pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of the
+obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a
+thousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithy
+tale and marvelous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence
+might be enthralled; jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, and
+dignity which should ever distinguish the historian. "For a writer of this
+class," observes an elegant critic, "must sustain the character of a wise
+man writing for the instruction of posterity; one who has studied to
+inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and addresses
+himself to our judgment rather than to our imagination."
+
+Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in having incidents
+worthy of swelling the theme of history; and doubly thrice happy is it in
+having such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentle
+reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are
+nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their
+prosperity as they rise--who blazons forth the splendor of their noontide
+meridian--who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay--who
+gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot--and who piously,
+at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and rears
+a triumphant monument to transmit their renown to all succeeding ages.
+
+What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless
+ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless
+inquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence--they have
+perished from remembrance for want of a historian! The philanthropist may
+weep over their desolation--the poet may wander among their mouldering
+arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of his
+fancy--but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is
+doomed to confine itself to dull matter of fact, seeks in vain among
+their oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructive
+tale of their glory and their ruin.
+
+"Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, "destroy nations, and
+with them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The
+torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled--a few
+individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of
+generations."
+
+The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will
+happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those which
+now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for
+recording their history is gone by: their origin, their foundation,
+together with the early stages of their settlement, are for ever buried in
+the rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fair
+portion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very
+nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about
+entering into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion--if I had not
+dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's
+adamantine fangs were closing upon them for ever! And here have I, as
+before observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip
+and scrap, "_punt en punt, gat en gat_," and commenced in this little
+work, a history to serve as a foundation on which other historians may
+hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until
+Knickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's Rome, or
+Hume and Smollett's England!
+
+And now indulge me for a moment: while I lay down my pen, skip to some
+little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead; and,
+casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll
+between, discover myself--little I--at this moment the progenitor,
+prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of
+literary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back,
+pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality.
+
+Such are the vain-glorious misgivings that will now and then enter into
+the brain of the author--that irradiate, as with celestial light, his
+solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to
+persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these
+rhapsodies whenever they have occurred; not, I trust, from an unusual
+spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea
+how an author thinks and feels while he is writing--a kind of knowledge
+very rare and curious, and much to be desired.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+    [1] Beloe's Herodotus.
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+
+_BOOK I._
+
+CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULATIONS,
+CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+According to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge,
+opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of
+infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid,
+curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginary
+poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the center; thus
+forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal
+revolution.
+
+The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of
+day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively
+presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The
+latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts a
+luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this world
+is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by
+a centripetal or attractive force; otherwise called the attraction of
+gravitation; the combination, or rather the counteraction, of these two
+opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution. Hence result
+the different seasons of the year--viz., spring, summer, autumn, and
+winter.
+
+This I believe to be the most approved modern theory on the subject;
+though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different
+opinions; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great
+antiquity and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by some of the
+ancient sages that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast
+pillars; and by others that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back
+of a huge tortoise; but as they did not provide a resting place for either
+the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground for want
+of proper foundation.
+
+The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and
+moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by
+day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations
+during the night;[2] while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a
+vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of mild, nectar, and other delicious
+liquids; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the
+center by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragon
+occasionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena of
+lunar eclipses.[3]
+
+Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound
+conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of
+Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud el-Hadheli, who is commonly
+called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes the humble title of
+Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He
+has written a universal history, entitled, "Mouroudge-ed-dharab or the
+Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones."[4] In this valuable work
+he has related the history of the world, from the creation down to the
+moment of writing; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the
+month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of the
+Prophet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina
+constitute the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the
+left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us moreover, that an earth has
+existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000
+years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the
+opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance; it will be
+renovated every seventy thousandth hazarouam; each hazarouam consisting of
+12,000 years.
+
+These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers
+concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal
+perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers
+have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire;[5] others that it
+is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal;[6] and a third class,
+at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was nothing but
+a huge ignited mass of iron or stone--indeed he declared the heavens to be
+merely a vault of stone--and that the stars were stones whirled upward
+from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.[7] But
+I give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher, the people
+of Athens having fully refuted them by banishing him from their city; a
+concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former
+days. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fiery
+particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in a
+single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but being
+scattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in various
+points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished,
+not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of
+exhalations for the next occasion.[8]
+
+It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods, in
+consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completely burnt
+out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy
+circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heraclitus, that
+worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various
+speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel that the sun is a
+magnificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certain
+empyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swimming in its transparent
+atmosphere.[9]
+
+But we will not enter further at present into the nature of the sun, that
+being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this
+history; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless
+disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content
+ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, and
+will proceed to illustrate by experiment the complexity of motion therein
+described to this our rotatory planet.
+
+Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered
+into English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profound
+gravity of deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of
+examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who thereby
+worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the
+course of one of his lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket of
+water swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he
+threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his
+arm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a
+substitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the
+globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed
+no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly
+explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them,
+moreover, that the same principle of gravitation which retained the water
+in the bucket restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid
+revolutions; and he farther informed them that should the motion of the
+earth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into the sun,
+through the centripetal force of gravitation: a most ruinous event to this
+planet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably would
+not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those
+vagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men
+of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the
+experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the moment
+that the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
+astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor of
+youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the
+theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket
+perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von
+Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with
+unutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvelously edified,
+and departed considerably wiser than before.
+
+It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a
+painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most
+profound and elaborate efforts; so that often after having invented one
+of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the
+perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly
+contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited
+grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearned
+entirely upon the philosopher; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to
+his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of
+Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is
+continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take
+pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned
+and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the
+foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears
+that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its
+antagonist remains in undiminished potency: the world, therefore,
+according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety
+to tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do so,
+and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prognostics.
+But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her course, not
+withstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university of
+learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in
+very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight
+and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world had not a
+good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the
+parties, and effected a reconciliation.
+
+Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely
+determined to accommodate the theory to the world; he therefore informed
+his brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round the
+sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described
+than it became a regular revolution independent of the cause which gave it
+origin. His learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, being
+heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from
+their embarrassment; and ever since that memorable era the world has been
+left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit
+as she thinks proper.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+    [2] Faria y Souza: Mick. Lus. note b. 7.
+
+    [3] Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod.
+
+    [4] MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr.
+
+    [5] Plutarch de Plac. Philos. lib. ii. cap. 20
+
+    [6] Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19; Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81; Stob.
+        Eclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56; Plut. de Plac. Philos.
+
+    [7] Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8; Plat Apol. t. i.
+        p. 26; Plut. de Plac. Philos; Xenoph. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815.
+
+    [8] Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2; Idem. Probl. sec. 15; Stob.
+        Ecl. Phys. 1. i. p. 55; Bruck. Hist. Phil, t. i. p. 1154, etc.
+
+    [9] Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72; Idem. 1801, p. 265; Nich. Philos.
+        Journ. i. p. 13.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some
+idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from
+whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of
+these points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this
+world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned
+island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an
+existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I
+should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe.
+
+And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a
+chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was
+perplexed withal; therefore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts,
+and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the
+left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, or
+have their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which will
+be flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolent
+or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had
+better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of some
+smoother chapter.
+
+Of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts;
+and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation,
+yet every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a
+better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice their
+several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and
+instructed.
+
+Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the
+whole system of the universe was the Deity himself;[10] a doctrine most
+strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, as
+also by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythagoras
+likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and
+triad; and by means of his sacred quaternary, elucidated the formation of
+the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and
+morals.[11] Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and
+triangles; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, the
+octahedron, the icosahedron, and the dodecahedron.[12] While others
+advocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction of
+our globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four material
+elements, air, earth, fire, and water; with the assistance of a fifth, an
+immaterial and vivifying principle.
+
+Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus
+before the siege of Troy; revived by Democritus of laughing memory;
+improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows; and modernized by the
+fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of which
+the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent; whether they are
+animate or inanimate; whether, agreeably, to the opinion of Atheists, they
+were fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, were arranged
+by a supreme intelligence.[13] Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate
+clod, or whether it be animated by a soul,[14] which opinion was
+strenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom
+stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of
+philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine
+of Platonic love--an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better
+adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis than
+to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, which
+populates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit.
+
+Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old
+Hesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode of
+procreation; and the plausible opinion of others, that the earth was
+hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and was
+cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last
+doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,[15] has favored us with an
+accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this
+mundane egg, which is found to bear a marvelous resemblance to that of a
+goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this
+our planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of
+antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latins
+have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that
+their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and
+inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day.
+
+But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of ancient sages, let
+me not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers, which, though
+less universal than renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal
+chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins in the pages
+of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo transformed himself into
+a great boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on
+his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise and a mighty snake; and
+Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he
+placed the earth upon the head of the snake.[16]
+
+The negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by the
+hands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Being
+constructed himself that it might be supremely excellent. And he took
+great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful;
+and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and
+smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his
+descendants, became flat.
+
+The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down from
+heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place
+was covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise,
+paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it
+finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.[17]
+
+But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish
+philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their
+erudition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my
+readers can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more
+intelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors.
+
+And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that this
+globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of
+the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the
+collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross
+vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted,
+according to their densities, earth, water, and air, which gradually
+arranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round the
+burning or vitrified mass that formed their center.
+
+Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were
+universally paramount; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the
+earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and
+mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other
+words, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing that
+of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a
+fountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of
+tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and
+thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before half
+the hideous task was accomplished.
+
+Whistorn, the same ingenious philosopher who rivaled Ditton in his
+researches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swift
+discharged on their heads a most savory stanza), has distinguished himself
+by a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it
+was originally a chaotic comet, which, being selected for the abode of
+man, was removed from its eccentric orbit; and whirled round the sun in
+its present regular motion; by which change of direction, order succeeded
+to confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The philosopher
+adds that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery
+tail of another comet; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved
+condition; thus furnishing a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevail
+even among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial
+harmony of the spheres so melodiously sung by the poets.
+
+But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of
+Burnet, and Woodward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my time
+will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve; and shall
+conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is
+as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulity
+as serious research, and who has recommended himself wonderfully to the
+good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries,
+amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora,
+has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According
+to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode,
+like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded the sun--which, in
+its flight, by a similar convulsion, exploded the earth, which in like
+guise exploded the moon--and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, the
+whole solar system was produced, and set most systematically in
+motion![18]
+
+By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if
+thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its
+parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude that the
+creation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined.
+I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could
+be constructed; and I have no doubt that had any of the philosophers above
+quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical
+warehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to manufacture, a planet
+as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we
+inhabit.
+
+And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence in creating
+comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their
+assistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the
+system of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the
+wonder-working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in his
+theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds,
+and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has
+but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and away he
+gallops in triumph like an enchanter on his hippogriff, or a Connecticut
+witch on her broomstick, "to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky."
+
+It is an old and vulgar saying about a "beggar on horseback" which I would
+not for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers; but I must
+confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery
+steeds, are as wild in their curvettings as was Phaeton of yore, when he
+aspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus. One drives his comet at full
+speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mighty
+concussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of
+burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and faggots; a third, of
+more combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet like a
+bombshell into the world, and blow it up like a powder magazine; while a
+fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants,
+insinuates that some day or other his comet--my modest pen blushes while I
+write it--shall absolutely turn tail upon our world and deluge it with
+water! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully
+provided by Providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them in
+manufacturing theories.
+
+And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur
+to my recollection, I leave my judicious readers at full liberty to
+choose among them. They are all serious speculations of learned men--all
+differ essentially from each other--and all have the same title to belief.
+It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the
+works of their predecessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in their
+stead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles
+of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius,
+of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errors
+and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and
+absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories
+are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of science
+amuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid
+admiration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom!
+Surely Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a
+soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally
+incomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be found
+not worthy the trouble of discovery.
+
+For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement among
+themselves, I shall content myself with the account handed down to us by
+Moses; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors of
+Connecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colony
+should be governed by the laws of God--until they had time to make better.
+
+One thing, however, appears certain--from the unanimous authority of the
+before quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of our own senses
+(which, though very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted as
+additional testimony)--it appears, I say, and I make the assertion
+deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was
+created, and that it is composed of land and water. It further appears
+that it is curiously divided and parceled out into continents and islands,
+among which I boldly declare the renowned island of New York will be found
+by any one who seeks for it in its proper place.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [10] Aristot. ap, Cic. lib. i. cap. 3.
+
+   [11] Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5.; Idem, de Coelo, 1. iii, c.
+        I; Rousseau mem. sur Musique ancien. p. 39; Plutarch de Plac.
+        Philos. lib. i. cap. 3.
+
+   [12] Tim. Locr. ap. Plato. t. iii. p. 90.
+
+   [13] Aristot. Nat. Auscult. I. ii. cap. 6; Aristoph. Metaph. lib.
+        i. cap. 3; Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10; Justin Mart. orat.
+        ad gent. p. 20.
+
+   [14] Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4; Tim. de anim. mund. ap. Plat.
+        lib. iii.; Mem. de l'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. p. 19.
+
+   [15] Book i. ch. 5.
+
+   [16] Holwell, Gent. Philosophy.
+
+   [17] Johannes Megapolensis. Jun. Account of Maquaas or Mohawk Indians.
+
+   [18] Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. cant. i. 1. 105.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat three sons, Shem,
+Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting who affirm that the
+patriarch had a number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him father of
+the gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus
+(who was the first inventor of Johnny cakes); and others have mentioned a
+son, named Thuiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or, in
+other words, the Dutch nation.
+
+I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to
+gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating minutely
+the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would be
+attended with more trouble than many people would imagine; for the good
+old patriarch seems to have been a great traveler in his day, and to have
+passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The
+Chaldeans, for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name into
+Xisuthrus--a trivial alteration, which to an historian skilled in
+etymologies will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, likewise, that he
+had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the
+gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals.
+The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu;
+the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges; and the Theban with
+Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most
+extensive and authentic historians, inasmuch as they have known the world
+much longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi;
+and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is that it is a
+fact, admitted by the most enlightened _literati_, that Noah traveled into
+China, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to
+improve himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shuckford
+gives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain on
+the frontiers of China.
+
+From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses many
+satisfactory deductions might be drawn; but I shall content myself with
+the simple fact stated in the Bible--viz., that Noah begat three sons,
+Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure
+contingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the
+most distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitably
+consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover
+these mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest triumph of his skill
+to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation, which at first
+sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my
+readers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can
+possibly have with this history; and many will stare when informed that
+the whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character and
+course from the simplest circumstance of the patriarch's having but three
+sons--but to explain.
+
+Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole
+surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee simple, after the
+deluge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children.
+To Shem he gave Asia; to Ham, Africa; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a
+thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there
+been a fourth he would doubtless have inherited America, which, of
+course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion;
+and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been
+spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first
+discovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having provided
+for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as mere
+wild unsettled land, and said nothing about it; and to this unpardonable
+taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America
+did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe.
+
+It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards
+posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was
+the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that
+ponderosity of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to his
+nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the
+globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion
+for the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious and
+enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his
+aversion to the marvelous, common to all great travelers, is conclusively
+of the same opinion; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the
+manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under
+the immediate direction of the great Noah. "I have already observed,"
+exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, "that it is
+an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to
+penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect,
+I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously
+believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and
+that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a ship
+which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals
+and quicksands to guard against, should be ignorant of, or should not
+have communicates to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean?
+Therefore, they did sail on the ocean--therefore, they sailed to
+America--therefore, America was discovered by Noah!"
+
+Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly
+characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather
+than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it
+a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained
+the thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am
+inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the
+worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of
+more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate
+historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of
+antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are
+particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the
+ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravely
+give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far
+more copious and accurate than the Bible; and that, in the course of
+another century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among
+historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of
+Robinson Crusoe.
+
+I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional
+suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first
+discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overload
+themselves in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous
+world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling,
+and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works,
+which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of
+straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established
+the fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country has
+been discovered I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be
+extremely brief upon this point.
+
+I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was first
+discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet,
+which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that
+Carthaginian expedition which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discovered
+the Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony from
+Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether
+it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness
+advances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron; nor be Behem the
+German navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savants of
+the learned city of Philadelphia.
+
+Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on
+the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who, having never
+returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to
+America, and that for a plain reason if he did not go there, where else
+could he have gone?--a question which most Socratically shuts out all
+further dispute.
+
+Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a
+multitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the
+vulgar opinion that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492,
+by Christopher Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus,
+but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of
+this Colon I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently
+known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been
+called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident.
+
+Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture
+them to myself, all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of
+promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into
+their possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of a
+regular bred historian! No--no--most curious and thrice-learned readers
+(for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and
+nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we have
+yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this
+fair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a
+country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might
+revel at their ease? No such thing. They had forests to cut down,
+underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In
+like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and
+paradoxes to explain before I permit you to range at random; but these
+difficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily
+through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the
+nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been
+found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense--this being an
+improvement in history which I claim the merit of having invented.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history
+is to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled--a
+point fruitful of incredible embarrassments; for unless we prove that the
+aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately
+asserted in this age of scepticism, that they did not come at all; and if
+they did not come at all, then was this country never populated--a
+conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly
+irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must
+syllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populous
+region.
+
+To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so
+many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been
+plundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained! and how many
+capacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for ever
+confounded! I pause with reverential awe when I contemplate the ponderous
+tomes in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve
+this question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involved
+in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged
+in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and, after leading us a
+weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the
+end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless
+some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet
+Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematises most
+heartily as "an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry about
+unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and
+to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done." But to proceed.
+
+Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this
+country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my
+last chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of
+Abraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), when he first
+discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with a
+shrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had found
+the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing
+the temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remains
+of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the
+precious ore.
+
+So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was
+too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of
+learning; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to
+swear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities
+and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robert Stephens
+declared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the least
+hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early
+settlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, and several other
+sagacious writers lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras,
+which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of an
+arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability.
+
+Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure when in
+trudges a phalanx of opposite authors with Hans de Laet, the great
+Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about
+their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claims
+to the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocal
+symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to
+be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who has
+always effected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. "A remark,"
+says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, "made by all good authors who have
+spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, besides,
+on the authority of the fathers of the church."
+
+Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled to
+mention Lopez de Gomara and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites,
+being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a
+panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take
+breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither
+their national language, manners, nor features with them it is supposed
+they left them behind in the hurry of their flight. I cannot give my
+faith to this opinion.
+
+I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, who being both an
+ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, that
+North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that
+Peru was founded by a colony from China--Manco or Mungo Capac, the first
+Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely mention that
+Father Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians,
+Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a
+skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celtae, Marinocus the Sicilian
+to the Romans, Le Comte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martin
+d'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De Laet,
+that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor.
+
+Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is
+the fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveler Marco
+Polo the Venetian; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis,
+described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish
+assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally
+furnished with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion of Dr.
+Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the
+Indian race; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin,
+so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is
+accidentally descended foam a remarkable family of monkeys!
+
+This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very
+ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing
+in stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once
+electrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders.
+Little did I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to be
+treated with equal discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholding
+these grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transformations of the
+hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and
+with one hypocritical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determined
+from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories,
+but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they
+transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to
+this great field of theoretical warfare.
+
+This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water.
+Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first by the
+north of Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by regions
+southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his
+Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea,
+through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; and various
+writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for the
+accommodation of these travelers, have fastened the two continents
+together by a strong chain of deductions--by which means they could pass
+over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious old
+gentleman, who compiles books and manufactures geographies, has
+constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the
+distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits-for which he is
+entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever
+did or ever will pass over it.
+
+It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above
+quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring
+hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In
+this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird,
+which, in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all
+the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to
+impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle
+productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care
+that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack
+each other.
+
+My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one
+has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon--or
+that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white
+bears cruise about the northern oceans--or that they were conveyed hither
+by balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais--or by
+witchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars--or after the manner of
+the renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on
+full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of a
+golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo.
+
+But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been
+peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth
+all the rest; it is--by accident! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New
+Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes: "In
+fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been
+so by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it
+not have been at the same time, and by the same means, with the other
+parts of the globe?" This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions
+from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves
+the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world
+without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the
+dexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts the
+gordian knot--"Nothing," says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of both
+hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common
+father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the
+world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it was
+necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been
+overcome!" Pious logician! how does he put all the herd of laborious
+theorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what it has cost them
+volumes to prove they knew nothing about!
+
+From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have
+consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned
+reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however,
+are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has
+actually been peopled (Q.E.D.) to support which we have living proofs in
+the numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has been
+peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors,
+who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been
+eye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this country had a
+variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit
+by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better.
+The question, therefore, I trust, is for ever at rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an
+adventurous knight, who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of
+establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry to turn back for
+no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy
+he may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and
+fall to with might and main at those doughty questions and subtle
+paradoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance
+to my history, and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And at
+this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by
+the beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in my
+historic undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall
+have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to
+conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work.
+
+The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first
+discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country without
+first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate
+compensation for their territory?--a question which has withstood many
+fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of
+kind-hearted folk. And, indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to
+rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they
+inhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied conscience.
+
+The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is
+discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which has
+never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an
+uninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered as
+enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.[19]
+
+This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that the Europeans who
+first visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing being
+necessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it
+was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point
+of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world
+abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had
+something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible
+sounds, very much like language; in short, had a marvelous resemblance to
+human beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the
+discoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by
+establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this
+point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the Pope and of all
+Christian voyagers and discoverers.
+
+They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian writers arose on the
+other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established,
+that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals,
+detestable monsters, and many of them giants--which last description of
+vagrants have, since the time of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered
+as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or
+song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to be
+people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous
+custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh.
+
+Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism; among many other
+writers of discernment, Ulla tells us, "their imbecility is so visible
+that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of
+the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally
+insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as
+contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no
+impression on them, and respect as little." All this is furthermore
+supported by the authority of M. Boggier. "It is not easy," says he, "to
+describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its
+advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when
+one would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money;
+they answer they are not hungry." And Vane gas confirms the whole,
+assuring us that "ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being
+thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us--honor, fame,
+reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions--are unknown among them. So
+that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good and
+real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy
+mortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason is
+not completed."
+
+Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlightened states of
+Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as
+having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere
+talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sages
+and philosophers; yet were they clearly proved in the present instance to
+betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human
+character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these
+unhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument, advanced still
+stronger proofs; for as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and
+among the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and have no beards!
+"They have nothing," says Lullus, "of the reasonable animal, except the
+mask." And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was
+soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion--and being of a
+copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes--and
+negroes are black, "and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing
+themselves, "is the color of the devil!" Therefore, so far from being able
+to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom--for liberty
+is too radiant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which
+circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and
+Pizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they
+infested--that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless,
+black-seed--mere wild beasts of the forests and, like them, should either
+be subdued or exterminated.
+
+From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally
+conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this
+fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling
+wilderness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts; and that the
+transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein, by
+the right of discovery.
+
+This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the
+right acquired by cultivation. "The cultivation of the soil," we are told,
+"is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is
+appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants; but it would be
+incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged
+by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share.
+Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having
+fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by
+rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as
+savage and pernicious beasts."[20]
+
+Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture when
+first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly,
+unrighteous life, rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting
+upon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to
+yield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown
+that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured,
+and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country seats, and
+pleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothing
+about--therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence had
+bestowed on them--therefore they were careless stewards--therefore, they
+had no right to the soil--therefore, they deserved to be exterminated.
+
+It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from
+the land which their simple wants required--they found plenty of game to
+hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth,
+furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that as
+Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wants
+of man, so long as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven was
+accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the
+blessings around them--they were so much the more savages for not having
+more wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and it
+is this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires that
+distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having
+more wants, were very unreasonable animals; and it was but just that they
+should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one,
+and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating
+it more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides--Grotius and Lauterbach,
+and Puffendorf, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered
+the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot
+be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it--nothing but
+precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can
+establish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never having
+read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these
+necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil,
+but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had
+more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial,
+desires than themselves.
+
+In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated country, therefore, the
+new comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid
+doctrine, was their own property--therefore in opposing them, the savages
+were invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature,
+and counteracting the will of Heaven--therefore, they were guilty of
+impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case--therefore, they were hardened
+offenders against God and man--therefore, they ought to be exterminated.
+
+But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one
+which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be
+blessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired by
+civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor
+savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, what
+is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of
+their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe
+behold their sad condition than they immediately went to work to
+ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy,
+and the other comforts of life--and it is astonishing to read how soon the
+poor savages learn to estimate those blessings--they likewise made known
+to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are
+alleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits and
+enjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced among
+them the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By these and a
+variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages
+wonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had
+before been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has most
+wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race
+of beings.
+
+But the most important branch of civilization, and which has most
+strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Roman
+Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight
+that might well inspire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among the
+dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of
+religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober,
+frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but though they acted right
+habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new
+comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and
+practice the true religion--except, indeed, that of setting them the
+example.
+
+But not withstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was
+the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they
+ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors,
+and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate;
+most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, the advocates of
+Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too
+much for human patience? Would not one suppose that the benign visitants
+from Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their
+stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores, and
+consigned them to their original ignorance and misery? But no: so zealous
+were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these
+pagan infidels that they even proceeded from the milder means of
+persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution--let
+loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious
+bloodhounds--purified them by fire and sword, by stake and faggot; in
+consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love
+and charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one fifth of
+the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found there
+at the time of its discovery.
+
+What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country than
+this? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted
+with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of which they
+were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and
+smoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, and
+absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the
+vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage
+their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; and
+have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on
+things above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father,
+in a letter to his superior in Spain: "Can any one have the presumption to
+say that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than an
+inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a
+little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a
+glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven."
+
+Here then are three complete and undeniable sources of right established,
+any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the
+newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain
+parts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discovery
+has been so strenuously asserted--the influence of cultivation so
+industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so
+zealously persecuted; that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions,
+oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the
+skirts of great benefits--the savage aborigines have, somehow or other,
+been utterly annihilated--and this all at once brings me to a fourth
+right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original
+claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to
+inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate
+occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds
+to the clothes of the malefactor--and as they have Blackstone[21] and all
+the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions
+of ejectment at defiance--and this last right may be entitled the right by
+extermination, or in other words, the right by gunpowder.
+
+But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to
+settle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI.
+issued a mighty Bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered
+quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese; who, thus having law
+and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal,
+showed the pagan savages neither favor nor affection, but persecuted the
+work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten
+times more fury than ever.
+
+Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly
+entitled to the soil, and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to
+the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far,
+endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains,
+for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and
+heathenish condition; for having made them acquainted with the comforts of
+life; for having introduced among them the light of religion; and,
+finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward!
+
+But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when
+it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this
+question should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case,
+by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers.
+
+Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, by astonishing
+advancement in science, and by profound insight into that ineffable lunar
+philosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the
+feebled optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our
+globe--let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by these
+means, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviable
+state of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate the
+boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring
+philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the
+stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg
+my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too
+frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave
+speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein
+at present; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may
+deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and
+many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares and
+contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have
+I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were most
+probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon
+discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in
+the air or cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and
+incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigating
+floating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages. We
+have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our
+planet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their
+sea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerial
+vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that
+between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their
+discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations;
+but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my
+reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his
+attentive consideration.
+
+To return, then, to my supposition--let us suppose that the aerial
+visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to
+ourselves--that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of
+extermination--riding on hippogriffs--defended with impenetrable
+armor--armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines,
+to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity
+will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and
+consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they
+first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only our
+self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poor
+savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the
+terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly
+convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous,
+powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment the
+lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or
+even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic.
+
+Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet to
+be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wild
+beasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his most
+gracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding however
+that their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, on
+account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our
+worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty
+Bonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their native
+planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as
+spectacles in the courts of Europe.
+
+Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they
+shall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I can
+conjecture, the following terms:----
+
+"Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
+can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
+and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
+thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
+course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
+dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
+monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
+important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
+totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
+everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
+heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms--have two eyes
+instead of one--are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
+unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
+pea-green.
+
+"We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the
+utmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own
+wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that community
+of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers
+of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy
+among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians.
+Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary
+wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to
+introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. We
+have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrous
+oxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly the
+females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts
+of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the
+contemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring the
+profound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable,
+immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these
+wretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and
+adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublime
+doctrines of the moon--nay, among other abominable heresies they even went
+so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of
+nothing more nor less than green cheese!"
+
+At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very profound
+philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal
+authority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilome his
+holiness the Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying,
+"That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and taken
+possession of a newly-discovered planet called the earth; and that whereas
+it is inhabited by none but a race of two-legged animals that carry their
+heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms; cannot talk the
+Lunatic language; have two eyes instead of one; are destitute of tails,
+and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green--therefore, and for a
+variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of
+possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title
+to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, the
+colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are
+authorised and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel
+savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and
+absolute Lunatics."
+
+In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic benefactors go to
+work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us
+from our rightful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we are
+unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say,
+"Miserable barbarians! ungrateful wretches! have we not come thousands of
+miles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you with
+moonshine! have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide? does not our
+moon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to murmur, when
+we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits?" But finding that we not
+only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in
+their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property,
+their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior
+powers of argument; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us with
+concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moonstones; until having
+by main force converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit
+us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of
+Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of
+lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened
+savages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitable
+forests of the north, or the impenetrable wilderness of South America.
+
+Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly illustrated, the right
+of the early colonists to the possession of this country; and thus is this
+gigantic question completely vanquished: so having manfully surmounted all
+obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should
+forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a
+manner besieging? But hold: before I proceed another step I must pause to
+take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in
+preparing to begin this most accurate of histories. And in this I do but
+imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a
+start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having
+run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself
+quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his
+leisure.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [19] Grotius: Puffendorf, b. v. c. 4, Vattel, b. i. c. 18, etc.
+
+   [20] Vattel, b. i. ch. 17.
+
+   [21] Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK II._
+
+TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, when
+employed to build the large stone church at Rotterdam, which stands about
+three hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, and
+which is so conveniently constructed that all the zealous Christians of
+Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church in
+the city--my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famous
+church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; then
+having purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the best
+Virginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three
+months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months
+more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the trekschuit, from Rotterdam
+to Amsterdam--to Delft--to Haerlem--to Leyden--to the Hague, knocking his
+head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he
+advance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in full
+sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did
+he spend three months longer in walking round it and round it;
+contemplating it, first from one point of view and then from another--now
+he would be paddled by it on the canal--now would he peep at it through a
+telescope, from the other side of the Meuse--and now would he take a
+bird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of those gigantic windmills
+which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on
+the tiptoe of expectation and impatience--notwithstanding all the turmoil
+of my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen;
+they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that
+its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he
+had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing
+and paddling, and talking and walking--having traveled over all Holland,
+and even taken a peep into France and Germany--having smoked five hundred
+and ninety-nine pipes and three hundredweight of the best Virginia
+tobacco--my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing and
+industrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's business
+sooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair of
+breeches, he advanced sturdily up, and laid the corner-stone of the
+church, in the presence of the whole multitude--just at the commencement
+of the thirteenth month.
+
+In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full
+before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history.
+The honest Rotterdammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing
+nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world of
+prefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of the
+ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose that
+all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and final
+settlement of America, were totally irrelevant and superfluous--and that
+the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced
+than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistaken
+in their conjectures. In consequence of going to work slowly and
+deliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one of the
+most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in the known
+world--excepting that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it was
+begun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not afford to finish
+more than the wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to
+finish this work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth,
+I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued the
+latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the great
+American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small
+subject--which nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of
+historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story.
+
+In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the
+five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that "worthy and
+irrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called), Master Henry
+Hudson," set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon,
+being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-west
+passage to China.
+
+Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a
+seafaring man of renown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter
+Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland,
+which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find
+great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short,
+square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and a
+broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its
+fiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe.
+
+He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's
+cocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking
+up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not
+unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hard
+north-westers which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring.
+
+Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so
+little; and I have been thus particular in his description, for the
+benefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him as
+he was; and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make
+him look like a Caesar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere.
+
+As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose Master Robert
+Juet, of Limehouse, in England. By some his name has been spelt Chewit,
+and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that
+ever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy; more
+especially as certain of his progeny are living at this day, who write
+their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great
+Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in a
+neighboring pond, when they were little boys; from whence, it is said, the
+commodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is
+that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be a unlucky
+urchin prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows.
+
+He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a rambling, heedless
+varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, meeting with more
+perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more
+wise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he comforted himself
+with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim that "it will be
+all the same thing a hundred years hence." He was skilled in the art of
+carving anchors and true lovers' knot on the bulk-heads and quarter
+railings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of
+his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making a
+wry face at old Hendrick when his back was turned.
+
+To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning
+this voyage, of which he wrote a history, at the request of the commodore,
+who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having received
+so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of
+Master Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I have
+availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my
+great-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of
+cabin-boy.
+
+From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the
+voyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an
+expedition into my work without making any more of it.
+
+Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil--the crew, being
+a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but little
+troubled with the disease of thinking--a malady of the mind, which is the
+sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and
+sour-krout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless
+the wind blew. True it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or
+three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus,
+for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and the
+weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch
+seamen as certain weather-breeders, or prognostics, that the weather would
+change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to that
+ancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail at
+night, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by which precaution they had a
+good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning,
+and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark. He
+likewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six
+pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert; and no man
+was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as
+is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances,
+though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquillity of
+the honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; they ate hugely,
+drank profusely, and slept immeasurably; and being under the especial
+guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast of
+America; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and
+on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic
+bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York,
+and which had never before been visited by any European.[22]
+
+It has been traditionary in our family that when the great navigator was
+first blessed with a view of this enchanting island, he was observed, for
+the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of
+astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to master Juet, and
+uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of
+the new world--"See! there!"--and thereupon, as was always his way when he
+was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke
+that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juet
+was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog.
+
+"It was indeed," as my great-grandfather used to say, though in truth I
+never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born--"it
+was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled for ever, in ever
+new and never-ending beauties." The island of Manna-hata spread wide
+before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of
+industrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above
+another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth; some pointing their
+tapering foliage towards the clouds which were gloriously transparent, and
+others loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing their
+branches to the earth that was covered with flowers. On the gentle
+declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, the
+sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms
+glowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foliage; and here
+and there a curling column of smoke rising from the little glens that
+opened along the shore seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome at
+the hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entranced
+attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers,
+issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonder
+the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver
+lake, sounded the war-whoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer,
+to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard
+such a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives.
+
+Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the
+latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried currants; how they brought great
+store of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and
+how he was buried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider them
+unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order
+to refresh themselves after their seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor,
+to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is
+said, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck; though we
+are assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by John
+Josselyn, gent., that it was called the Mohegan;[23] and Master Richard
+Bloome, who wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same--so that I very
+much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be
+this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, little
+doubting but it would turn to be the much-looked-for passage to China!
+
+The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew
+and the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would be
+impertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the
+following dry joke, played off by the old commodore and his schoolfellow
+Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy
+that I cannot refrain from inserting it. "Our master and his mate
+determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey whether they had
+any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave
+them so much wine and acqua vitae that they were all merrie; and one of
+them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countrey
+women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke,
+which had been aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there,
+and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it."[24]
+
+Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives
+were an honest, social race of jolly roysterers, who had no objection to
+a drinking bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodore
+chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his
+cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the
+satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University of
+Leyden--which done, he proceeded on his voyage with great
+self-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the
+river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow
+and confined, the current more rapid and perfectly fresh--phenomena not
+uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchman
+prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated
+full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's
+running aground--whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was but
+little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was
+despatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return,
+confirmed the opinion; upon this the ship was warped off and put about
+with great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to
+govern; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of my
+great-great-grandfather, returned down the river--with a prodigious flea
+in his ear!
+
+Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China,
+unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a
+fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was
+received with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who were
+very much rejoiced to see him come back safe--with their ship; and at a
+large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of
+Amsterdam it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward for
+the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had
+made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and it
+continues to be called Hudson River unto this very day.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [22] True it is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a
+        certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is
+        to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by one
+        Giovanni, or John Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined
+        to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited
+        nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enterprising
+        Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the countenance of
+        certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter
+        disbelief, and that for various good and substantial reasons:
+        First, because on strict examination it will be found that the
+        description given by this Verazzani applies about as well to the
+        bay of New York as it does to my nightcap. Secondly, because that
+        this John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to feel a most
+        bitter enmity, is a native of Florence, and everybody knows the
+        crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched
+        away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly
+        called Columbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman,
+        Amerigo Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to
+        rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this
+        beauteous island, adorned by the city of New York, and placing it
+        beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I
+        award my decision in favor of the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson,
+        inasmuch as his expedition sailed from Holland, being truly and
+        absolutely a Dutch enterprise; and though all the proofs in the
+        world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at
+        nought as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not
+        sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I
+        can say is they are degenerate descendants from their venerable
+        Dutch ancestors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing.
+        Thus, therefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned
+        discovery is fully vindicated.
+
+   [23] This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as
+        Manhattan--Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river.
+
+   [24] Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet of the
+country they had discovered excited not a little talk and speculation
+among the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted by
+Government to an association of merchants, called the West India Company,
+for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected a
+trading-house called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the
+great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and
+colonizing enterprises which took place; among which was that of Mynheer
+Adrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous
+for its cheese--and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth
+to this renowned city.
+
+It was some three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrick
+that a crew of honest Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city of
+Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history,
+and a great proof of the darkness of the age and the lamentable neglect of
+the noble art of book-making, since so industriously cultivated by knowing
+sea-captains and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interesting
+and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my
+great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled
+to give concerning it--he having once more embarked for this country, with
+a full determination, as he said, of ending his days here--and of
+begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the
+land.
+
+The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail was called the
+Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the president of
+the West India Company, who was allowed by everybody, except her husband,
+to be a sweet-tempered lady--when not in liquor. It was in truth a most
+gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the
+ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model
+their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, it
+had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one
+hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the taffrail. Like the
+beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam,
+it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous catheads, a copper
+bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop.
+
+The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decorating
+the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune or Hercules, which
+heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and
+shipwreck of many a noble vessel, he I say, on the contrary, did laudably
+erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low,
+broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe that
+reached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the staunch
+ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the
+great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwise
+engaged, rung a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion.
+
+My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly
+prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St.
+Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to
+common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along
+very nearly as fast with the wind a head as when it was a-poop, and was
+particularly great in a calm; in consequence of which singular advantage
+she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to
+anchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island.
+
+Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at present called the
+Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of
+spreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in
+stupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately dispatched to
+enter into a treaty with them, and, approaching the shore, hailed them
+through a trumpet in the most friendly terms; but so horribly confounded
+were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low
+Dutch language that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered
+over the Bergen Hills: nor did they stop until they had buried themselves,
+head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably
+perished to a man; and their bones being collected and decently covered by
+the Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound called
+Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the center of the salt marshes a
+little to the east of the Newark Causeway.
+
+Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in
+triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General; and marching fearlessly
+forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, not withstanding that
+it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and
+pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the
+excellences of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed St.
+Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle their
+colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of
+piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for
+the constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore was
+peculiarly favorable to the building of docks; in a word, this spot
+abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch City.
+On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw,
+they one and all determined that this was the destined end of their
+voyage. Accordingly, they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women and
+children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and
+formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the
+Indian name Communipaw.
+
+As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with Communipaw, it may
+seem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my
+readers will please to recollect, that not withstanding it is my chief
+desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and
+have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of
+centuries yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for this
+invaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh,
+and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct--sunk and forgotten in
+its own mud--its inhabitants turned into oysters,[25] and even its
+situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headed
+investigation among indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescue
+from oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whence
+was hatched the mighty city of New York!
+
+Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated among
+rural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known
+in ancient legends by the name of Pavonia,[26] and commands a grand
+prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's
+sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be
+distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well known fact, which I can
+testify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening you
+may hear from the battery of New York the obstreperous peals of
+broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most
+other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly the
+case on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and
+observant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood
+of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to the
+circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on.
+
+These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, engross all the
+knowledge of the place, and, being infinitely more adventurous, and more
+knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, making
+frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk and
+cabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of
+weather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are, moreover, exquisite
+performers on three-stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast the
+far-famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse nor an ox in the place,
+when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears
+the well known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from their
+amazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingers they are regarded
+with as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore when
+initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers.
+
+As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound
+philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads
+about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they live
+in profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anxieties, and
+revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them
+do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from
+tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island; that Spiking-devil and
+the Narrows are the two ends of the world; that the country is still under
+the dominion of their High Mightinesses, and that the city of New York
+still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday
+afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a
+square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent
+pipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug
+of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom they imagine is still
+sweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead.
+
+Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in the
+vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strongholds
+and fastnesses whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have
+retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous
+strictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate
+from father to son--the identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat,
+and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; and
+several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that made
+gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language
+likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations; and so
+critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that his
+reading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the
+filing of a hand-saw.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [25] Men by inaction degenerate into oysters.--Kaimes.
+
+   [26] Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country
+        extending from about Hoboken to Amboy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter
+discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw,
+as being the mother settlement; and having given a faithful picture of it
+as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of
+self-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede
+Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, the
+settlement went jollily on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The
+neighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound
+of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between
+them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and
+the Dutch to long silence; in this particular, therefore, they
+accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches
+about the big bull, the wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others
+would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her;
+whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the
+new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the
+latter in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught them
+the art of making bargains.
+
+A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch traders were
+scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight,
+establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of a
+Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true the simple
+Indians were often puzzled by the great disproportion between bulk and
+weight, for let them place a bundle of furs never so large in one scale,
+and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to
+kick the beam; never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two
+pounds in the market of Communipaw!
+
+This is a singular fact; but I have it direct from my
+great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in the
+colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on account of the
+uncommon heaviness of his foot.
+
+The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very
+thriving appearance, and were comprehended under the general title of
+Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their
+great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, which indeed was truly
+remarkable, excepting that the former was rugged and mountainous, and the
+latter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch
+colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain
+Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, Governor of
+Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded
+their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this
+arrogant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted
+for the time, like discreet and reasonable men.
+
+It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of
+Communipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in
+sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that they fell
+to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence; insomuch that they
+quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and
+marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, and
+overhung the fair regions of Pavonia--so that the terrible Captain Argal
+passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay
+snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In
+commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants have
+continued to smoke almost without intermission unto this very day, which
+is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over
+Communipaw of a clear afternoon.
+
+Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous ancestors took full six
+months to recover their wind, having been exceedingly discomposed by the
+consternation and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of safety
+to smoke over the state of the provinces. At this council presided one
+Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who had originally been one of a set of peripatetic
+philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side
+of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland; enjoying, like Diogenes, a
+free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or
+Lackland) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to
+indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he
+had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita; and he had come out
+to the new world to look after them.
+
+Like all land speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did
+anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had
+previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict
+events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly
+valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of
+antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his
+waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any
+great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same may be
+said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the
+Dreamer.
+
+As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit;
+and he was as much a lackland as ever. Still he carried a high head in the
+community: if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it
+oft with a taller cock's tail; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, he
+puffed it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of a
+hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was
+not a mere ruffle.
+
+The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of
+emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site
+for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St.
+Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom he
+had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he
+bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw.
+
+Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt,
+who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye, because he
+had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was
+anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be
+present at the distribution of "town lots." But we must not give heed to
+such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthy
+gentlemen engaged in laying out towns and in other land speculations.
+
+This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who chose
+as lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mynheers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus Van
+Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck--three indubitably great men, but of whose
+history, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little
+previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise;
+for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have
+seldom much celebrity in their own countries; but this much is certain
+that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariably
+composed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot help
+remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great
+families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes
+of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly
+announced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreign
+country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being
+kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has
+been occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and other
+illustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, has been
+completely discountenanced in this sceptical, matter-of-fact age; and I
+even question whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally and
+unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor
+firesides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a
+shower of gold, or a river god.
+
+Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I
+should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that
+of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt--that is to say,
+from the dirt--gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, the
+Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra or the Earth! This
+supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known
+that all the progeny of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature; and Van
+Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with
+an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van
+Zandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to belief than what is related
+and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest,
+men, who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from a
+dunghill!
+
+Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time,
+which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little
+man; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was
+familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches.
+
+Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular but
+ludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth,
+I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible with
+the gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentleman should
+likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the
+most ignoble part of the dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems to
+have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors,
+in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been
+pronounced "the seat of honor."
+
+The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, Tin Broeck, has
+been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. The most
+elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or
+rather Thin, Breeches; whence they infer that the original bearer of it
+was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest,
+and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly
+philosophical stanza:----
+
+    "Then why should we quarrel for riches,
+      Or any such glittering toys?
+    A light heart and thin pair of breeches
+      Will go through the world, my brave boys!"
+
+The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in favor of the other
+reading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man,
+who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first to
+introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of
+breeches.
+
+Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany
+him in this voyage into unknown realms; as to the names of his crews they
+have not been handed down by history.
+
+Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air,
+among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Oloffe had become
+familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine
+when a storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful husband can
+foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about
+his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage, when the skies
+appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's
+rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills; precautions
+taken by our forefathers, even in after times when they became more
+adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or
+any other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappen Zee.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+And now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon the
+rising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his
+blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that
+delicious season of the year when Nature, breaking from the chilling
+thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a
+sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into
+the arms of youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove
+resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they
+sipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the
+joyous epithalamium--the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, "the
+voice of the turtle was heard in the land," and the heart of man dissolved
+away in tenderness. Oh, sweet Theocritus! had I thine oaten reed,
+wherewith thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains; or, oh, gentle
+Bion! thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so
+much delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent
+Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save this
+jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign all
+poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose;
+comforting myself with the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetly
+upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virgin
+modesty, to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of
+truth.
+
+No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of
+Communipaw than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from
+his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a
+far-resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did
+they trudge resolutely down to the water side, escorted by a multitude of
+relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses
+it, "to see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long family
+processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and
+sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting some bevy of country
+cousins about to depart for home in a market-boat.
+
+The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and
+hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a
+tub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now,
+all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the
+beach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of hearing,
+wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care of
+themselves, not to get drowned--with an abundance of other of those sage
+and invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down to
+the sea in ships, and adventure upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the
+voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay,
+and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia.
+
+And first they touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite
+Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence about
+the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the
+Highlands and made its way to the ocean.[27] For, in this tremendous
+uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land
+were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for
+sixty or seventy miles; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just
+opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while
+others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficient
+proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands
+is exactly similar to that of the Highlands; and moreover, one of our
+philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their
+respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence,
+that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on
+Anthony's nose.[28]
+
+Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's
+Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries.
+They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted
+much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did
+greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country.
+
+Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by,
+turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element
+in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he was
+greatly rejoiced. "This," exclaimed he, "if I mistake not, augurs
+well--the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish--a burgomaster among
+fishes--his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admire
+this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success
+of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the
+track of these alderman fishes.
+
+Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait,
+vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses
+through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van
+Kortlandt had embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in
+a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, who
+had all his life long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of
+canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some
+supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some
+fair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations.
+
+Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous
+point of land since called Corlear's Hook,[29] and leaving to the right
+the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent
+expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was
+exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around
+them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at
+a distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in fishing, who
+seemed more like the genii of this romantic region--their slender canoe
+lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay.
+
+At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little
+troubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's
+boat was stationed a valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being
+interpreted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage).
+
+No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled with
+excessive valor, and although a good half mile distant, he seized a
+musketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most
+intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled,
+and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate
+with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of
+this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with
+consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one
+of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore.
+
+This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of the
+achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay,
+and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present.
+The heart of the good Van Kortlandt--who, having no land of his own, was a
+great admirer of other people's--expanded to the full size of a peppercorn
+at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and
+falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in the
+possession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of
+cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the
+sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this
+land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for
+shore; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of
+Bellevue--that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of
+the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities.
+
+Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran
+sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of
+the seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided
+for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberate
+powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to be
+done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by
+Christian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the
+great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which
+afterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The
+sturdy Harden Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the
+salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the
+bottom of Kip's Bay, counseled by all means to return thither, and found
+the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten
+Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of
+this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented; this
+much is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, by
+determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious
+porpoises had so clearly pointed out; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches
+abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a
+fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued
+to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day.
+
+By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the
+side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; and
+now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again
+committed themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the western
+shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island.
+
+And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little
+marvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be
+caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would
+wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of
+Manna-hata; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending
+rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves,
+which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borne
+away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much
+discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly
+receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra firma was
+giving them the slip.
+
+Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom
+around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness
+of Nature, who here reveled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now
+bristled like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart
+plants! minions of wealth and fashion!), were then adorned with the
+vigorous natives of the soil--the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, the
+graceful elm--while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic
+head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of
+luxury--villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute
+oft breathes the sighings of some city swain--there the fish-hawk built
+his solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The
+timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lover's
+moonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage
+solitude extended over those happy regions, where now are reared the
+stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders.
+
+Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, the
+gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which
+strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as
+they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern
+mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like
+an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a
+wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously
+intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each
+other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island,
+dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched the
+pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name
+of Hallet's Cove--a place infamous in latter days, by reason of its being
+the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and
+water-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging in
+their pleasure boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully
+receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista
+through which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, and
+East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly weeded
+country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines
+of upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole the purple
+mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness.
+
+Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend,
+wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure that
+seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility
+prevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of
+twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty,
+heightened the charms which it half concealed.
+
+Ah! witching scenes of foul delusion! Ah! hapless voyagers, gazing with
+simple wonder on these Circean shores! Such, alas! are they, poor easy
+souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world; treacherous are its
+smiles, fatal its caresses! He who yields to its enticements launches upon
+a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a
+whirlpool! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little
+mistrusting the guileful sense before them, drifted quietly on, until they
+were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For
+now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to
+boil and foam with horrible fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the
+astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid
+the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful
+consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among
+tumultuous breakers; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they
+were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks! more
+voracious than Scylla and her whelps!); and anon they seemed sinking into
+yawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the
+elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged--the
+winds howled--and as they were hurried along several of the astonished
+mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving
+through the air!
+
+At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt was drawn into the
+vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled
+about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew
+were overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the
+revolution.
+
+How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this
+modern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived to
+tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many
+different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions
+on the subject.
+
+As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they
+found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore,
+indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in
+this time of peril; how that he saw specters flying in the air, and heard
+the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were
+whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several
+uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles;
+but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel
+porpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the
+Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan!
+
+These, however, were considered by many as mere phantasies of the
+commodore, while he lay in a trance, especially as he was known to be
+given to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearly
+ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe and
+his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this
+marvelous strait--as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of
+the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle--how he broils fish there before
+a storm; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of putting
+too much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances, the
+Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it has
+been interpreted, Hell-gate;[30] which it continues to bear at the present
+day.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [27] It is a matter long since established by certain of our
+        philosophers, that is to say, having been often advanced and
+        never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a
+        settled fact, that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by
+        the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however,
+        becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing
+        pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their
+        extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent
+        struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to pass
+        in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art
+        of running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not
+        pretend to be skilled, not withstanding that I do fully give it
+        my belief.
+
+   [28] A promontory in the Highlands.
+
+   [29] Properly spelt Hoeck (i.e. a point of land).
+
+   [30] This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six
+        miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under
+        the care of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks,
+        shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundry appellations,
+        such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are
+        very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain
+        mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give
+        the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name
+        into Hell-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how they venture
+        into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are
+        aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is
+        supported by the map of Vander Donck's history, published in
+        1656--by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671--as also by a journal
+        still extant, written in the sixteenth century, and to be found
+        in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS, written in French,
+        speaking of various alterations, in names about this city,
+        observes, "De Hellegat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate,
+        porte d'Enfer."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful
+night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly
+assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the
+hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning
+dawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away, rapids,
+breakers and whirlpools had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth and
+dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back towards the
+quarter where lay their much regretted home.
+
+The woebegone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful
+countenances; their squadrons had been totally dispersed by the late
+disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one
+Ruleff Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the
+six-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing.
+
+The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where,
+having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to
+conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern; whence, it is said,
+did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have ever
+since continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they were
+thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts.
+But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling
+overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of his
+nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or
+like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was
+found the next morning busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine.
+
+I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remaining
+followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city
+in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that
+they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny
+element, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their
+yesterday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant
+sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia.
+
+Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they
+were encountered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward
+voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar
+against the stream; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score of
+potent billows rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on
+the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay.
+
+Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune to strand the
+expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this
+western world; others, more pious, attribute everything to the
+guardianship of the good St. Nicholas; and after events will be found to
+corroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman.
+Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him; and his first thought
+on finding him once more on dry ground was how he should contrive to
+celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a
+solemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by the
+good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted; but in casting his
+eyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A
+great store of these was instantly collected; a fire was made at the foot
+of a tree; all hands fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, and
+frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be
+the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our
+public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to
+play an important part.
+
+On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be
+particularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher; for having the
+cares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed it
+incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion as
+he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him did
+the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he
+seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And at
+such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more
+truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and
+good fellowship. Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, and
+washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning,
+and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence.
+Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful; and laying his
+hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closed
+eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he
+exclaimed, in a fat, half-smothered voice, "What a charming prospect!" The
+words died away in his throat--he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a
+moment--his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs--his head drooped upon
+his bosom--he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole
+gradually over him.
+
+And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream--and, lo! the good St. Nicholas came
+riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he
+brings his yearly presents to children. And he descended hard by where the
+heroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by
+the fire, and sat himself down and smoked; and as he smoked the smoke from
+his pipe ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud overhead. And
+Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of
+the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of
+country--and as he considered it more attentively he fancied that the
+great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvelous forms, where in dim
+obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of
+which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled
+off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had
+smoked his pipe he twisted it in his hatband, and laying his finger beside
+his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, then
+mounting his wagon, he returned over the treetops and disappeared.
+
+And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed, and he aroused
+his companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it that it
+was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the
+city here; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would be
+the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread
+over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to
+this interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning
+to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great
+smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city--both which
+interpretations have strangely come to pass!
+
+The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus
+happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, where
+they were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a general
+meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related
+the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van
+Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St.
+Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more
+honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a
+most useful citizen, and a right good man--when he was asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+The original name of the island whereon the squadron of Communipaw was
+thus propitiously thrown is a matter of some dispute, and has already
+undergone considerable vitiation--a melancholy proof of the instability of
+all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; for
+who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of
+mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty!
+
+The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise
+countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan, which is
+said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early
+settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes.
+"Hence," as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, and
+flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of
+Philadelphia, "hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to
+the Indians, and afterwards to the island"--a stupid joke!--but well
+enough for a governor.
+
+Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject is that
+valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard
+Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called the Manhadaes and Manahanent; nor
+must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that
+authentic historian, John Josselyn, gent., who expressly calls it
+Manadaes.
+
+Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of
+our ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters,
+still extant,[31] which passed between the early governors and their
+neighboring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes,
+Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of
+the same name; for our wise forefathers set little store by those
+niceties, either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and
+ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This
+last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who
+was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its
+uncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm that the bay was once
+a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of
+which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and
+flowers, but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these
+blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of
+Ontario.
+
+These, however, are very fabulous legends, to which very cautious
+credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last quoted
+orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which
+I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and
+significant--and which we have on the authority of Master Juet, who, in
+his account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata--that
+is to say, the island of manna--or, in other words, a land flowing with
+milk and honey.
+
+Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the
+worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken
+bout, held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made
+certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their
+lives; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave the
+place the name of Mannahattanink--that is to say, the Island of Jolly
+Topers--a name which it continues to merit to the present day.[32]
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [31] Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap.
+
+   [32] MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New
+        York Historical Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removed
+from the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata,
+everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer,
+and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day was
+appointed for the grand migration, and on that day little Communipaw as in
+a buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarming time. Houses were turned
+inside out, and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come from
+Holland; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman,
+and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the water
+side, like lines of ants from an ant-hill; everybody laden with some
+article of household furniture; while busy housewifes plied backwards and
+forwards along the lines, helping everything forward by the nimbleness of
+their tongues.
+
+By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds of
+household articles; ponderous tables; chests of drawers, resplendent with
+brass ornaments, quaint corner cupboards; beds and bedsteads; with any
+quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat
+embarked a whole family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats and
+dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the
+Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard
+on the leading boat.
+
+This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long
+cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously
+observed among the "sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw," by turning their
+houses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in
+emblem of the swarming of the parent hive; and this is the real origin of
+the universal agitation and "moving" by which this most restless of cities
+is literally turned out of doors on every May-day.
+
+As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores of
+Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, appeared to
+oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for
+chastising this insolence with the powder and ball, according to the
+approved mode of discoverers; but the sage Oloffe gave them the
+significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and
+winking hard with one eye; whereupon his followers perceived that there
+was something sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in the
+blandest terms, and made such tempting display of beads, hawks's bells,
+and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land
+speculation ensued. And here let me give the true story of the original
+purchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been
+said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was, but sixty guilders.
+The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition[33] that the Dutch
+discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock would
+cover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's
+finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the
+Indians into the bargain This, however, is an old fable which the worthy
+Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe
+Van Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover with
+his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friend
+Mynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used in
+measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments
+had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared with
+astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher
+peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the
+land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city.
+
+This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the Island of
+Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders; and in corroboration of it I will
+add that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable
+occasion, was elevated to the office of land measurer; which he ever
+afterwards exercised in the colony.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [33] MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very
+unusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of the
+honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading house were
+forthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St.
+Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer; and which, as has
+already been observed, was the identical place at present known as the
+Bowling Green.
+
+Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, with tiled roofs
+and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for
+protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of
+the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong
+palisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outside
+of these extended the corn-fields and cabbage-gardens of the community,
+with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation; all covering those
+tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street,
+and Pearl Street, I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out the
+land a goodly "bowerie" or farm was allotted to the sage Oloffe, in
+consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent
+at dreaming; and the site of his "bowerie" is known by the name of
+Kortlandt (or Cortland) Street to the present day.
+
+And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it was
+thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it
+had gone by the original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will have
+it, "The Manhattoes;" but this was now decried as savage and heathenish,
+and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally
+possessed it. Many were the consultations held upon the subject without
+coming to a conclusion, for though everybody condemned the old name,
+nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost in
+despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head,
+proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took
+everybody by surprise; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. The
+name was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was
+thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province
+continued to call it by the general appelation of "The Manhattoes," and
+the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata; but those are
+a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in matters
+of this kind.
+
+Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the next was to give it
+an armorial bearing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, others
+a soaring eagle; emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying
+qualities of the inhabitants: so after mature deliberation a sleek beaver
+was emblazoned on the city standard as indicative of the amphibious origin
+and patient persevering habits of the New Amsterdamers.
+
+The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon
+made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be
+built; but at the very first consultation on the subject a violent
+discussion arose; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the first
+altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a
+breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between
+those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Ten Broeck and Harden Broeck, ever
+since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Harden
+Broeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which
+embraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along the
+gulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of which his descendants have been
+expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the
+Schermerhornes.
+
+An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Harden Broeck, who
+proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the
+manner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeck
+was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they should
+run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the
+river, on which the town should be built. "By these means," said he,
+triumphantly, "shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from
+these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice,
+or any amphibious city in Europe." To this proposition Harden Broeck (or
+Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly
+assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as
+being preposterous, and against the very order of things, as he would
+leave to every true Hollander. "For what," said he, "is a town without
+canals?--it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for
+want of a free circulation of the vital fluid."--Ten Breeches, on the
+contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of
+an arid, dry-boded habit; he remarked, that as to the circulation of the
+blood being necessary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living
+contradiction to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not a
+drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten
+years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony.
+Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; nor
+have I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity.
+At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy
+in sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up
+the last word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had the
+advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that
+invaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had,
+therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom--so that
+though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and
+battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough
+Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as
+is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without
+coming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for ever
+after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and
+Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough
+Breeches.
+
+I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my
+duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, in
+truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a
+young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since
+contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be
+too minute in detailing their first causes.
+
+After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that
+anything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The
+council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met
+regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, either
+they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were
+naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent
+exercise of the brains--certain it is, the most profound silence was
+maintained--the question, as usual, lay on the table--the members quietly
+smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, and
+in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on--as it pleased God.
+
+As most of the council were but little skilled in the mystery of
+combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to
+puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The
+secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerable
+precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; the
+journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that
+"the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the
+colony." By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate
+their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure
+distances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, as
+a pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to those
+accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out
+of order.
+
+In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze,
+and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what
+manner they should construct their infant settlement; meanwhile the town
+took care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which is suffered to run
+about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by
+which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the
+children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude, that
+before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan it was too late
+to put it in execution--whereupon they wisely abandoned the subject
+altogether.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back, through the
+long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realms
+of antiquity. Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive a
+thousand charms from their very obscurity, and the fancy delights to fill
+up their outlines with graces and excellences of its own creation. Thus
+loom on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet New
+Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores and
+willows, and surrounded by trackless forests and wide-spreading waters,
+that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world.
+
+In those days did this embryo city present the rare and noble spectacle of
+a community governed without laws; and thus being left to its own course,
+and the fostering care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it
+had been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws usually
+heaped on the backs of young cities--in order to make them grow. And in
+this particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of human
+nature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow
+legislators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many
+of my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a
+piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be; and as far as I have
+observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about
+as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his
+ears that it is his duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse.
+The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyranny
+of law, and the perpetual interference of officious morality, which are
+ever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to "keep to the
+right, as the law directs;" and like a spirited urchin, he turns directly
+contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches,
+merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings.
+And these opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above said of
+our worthy ancestors; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and
+guided and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their more
+enlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves honestly and
+peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words--because they knew no
+better.
+
+Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infant
+settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that,
+like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they had
+first served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, and
+provided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifying
+their gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting
+care in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built a
+fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his
+name; whereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under his
+peculiar patronage, and he has even since been, and I devoutly hope will
+ever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city.
+
+At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiously
+observed in all our ancient families of the right breed, of hanging up a
+stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas Eve; which stocking is always
+found in the morning miraculously filled; for the good St. Nicholas has
+ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children.
+
+I am moreover told that there is a little legendary book somewhere extant,
+written in Low Dutch, which says that the image of this renowned saint,
+which whilom graced the bow-sprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in
+front of this chapel, in the center of what in modern days is called the
+Bowling Green--on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to
+Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further treats of divers miracles
+wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth; a whiff of
+which was a sovereign cure for an indigestion--an invaluable relic in this
+colony of brave trenchermen. As however, in spite of the most diligent
+search, I cannot lay my hands upon this little book, I must confess that
+I entertain considerable doubt on the subject.
+
+Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the infant city thrived
+apace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about the
+unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins
+and bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, while
+here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian
+wigwams whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in the
+transparent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, existed between these
+wandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolent
+forefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameliorate their situation,
+by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries;
+for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friendship
+for their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men to
+trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain.
+
+Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make
+their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted
+and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an
+air of listless indifference--sometimes in the marketplace, instructing
+the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow--at other times,
+inflamed with liquor, swaggering, and whooping, and yelling about the town
+like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who would
+hurry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw water
+upon the enemy from the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here that
+our forefathers were very particular in holding up these wild men as
+excellent domestic examples--and for reasons that may be gathered from the
+history of Master Ogilby, who tells us that "for the least offence the
+bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries
+another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife." Whether
+this awful example had any influence or not history does not mention; but
+it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and
+obedience.
+
+True it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and their
+savage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heard
+my grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the
+history of these parts, tell a long story of a winter's evening, about a
+battle between the New-Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by
+the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in a
+dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley.
+
+The legend of this sylvan war was long current among the nurses, old
+wives, and other ancient chroniclers of the place; but time and
+improvement have almost obliterated both the tradition and the scene of
+battle; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the center of
+this populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street.
+
+I know not whether it was to this "Peach War," and the acquisitions of
+Indian land which may have grown out of it, that we may ascribe the first
+seeds of the spirit of "annexation" which now began to manifest
+themselves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers had been confined
+to the lovely island of Manna-hata; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and
+Hell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the _ne plus
+ultra_ of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War however, a
+restless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdammers, who began to
+cast wistful looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors; for
+somehow or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes of
+settlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Dreamer
+encouraged these notions; having, as has been shown, the inherent spirit
+of a land speculator, which had been wonderfully quickened and expanded
+since he had become a landholder. Many of the common people, who had never
+before owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the town
+lots which had fallen to their shares; others who had snug farms and
+tobacco plantations found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began to
+question the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended to
+hold--while the good Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreign
+conquest and great patroonships in the wilderness.
+
+The result of these dreams were certain exploring expeditions sent forth
+in various directions to "sow the seeds of empire," as it was said. The
+earliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator
+famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it was
+quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass covered
+with a bit of tarpaulin, with which he could spy up the crookedest river,
+quite to its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as
+land measurer, in case of any dispute with the Indians.
+
+What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions? In a little while
+we find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, established
+far to the south on Delaware River; another called Fort Goed Hoop (or Good
+Hope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut River; and another called
+Fort Aurania (now Albany) away up the Hudson River; while the boundaries
+of the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, far
+into the regions of Terra Incognita.
+
+Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little province
+brought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory we
+shall treat at large in the after pages of this eventful history;
+sufficient for the present is it to say, that the swelling importance of
+the Nieuw Nederlandts awakened the attention of the mother country, who,
+finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take that
+interest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations.
+
+But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New Amsterdam I will here
+put an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of the
+maternal policy of the mother country in my next.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK III._
+
+IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the task of the feeling
+historian who writes the history of his native land. If it fell to his lot
+to be the recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with
+his tears--nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era without
+a melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever! I
+know not whether it be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity of
+former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart incident to all
+sentimental historians, but I candidly confess that I cannot look back on
+the happier days of our city, which I now describe, without great
+dejection of spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of
+oblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and as
+their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mighty
+shades.
+
+Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of the
+Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the
+portraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust like the forms they
+represent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those
+renowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady march of
+existence--whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins,
+flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall
+soon be stopped for ever!
+
+These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the mighty men who
+flourished in the days of the patriarchs: but who, alas! have long since
+smouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly and
+irresistibly hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose myself in
+melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once
+more into existence, their countenances to assume the animation of
+life--their eyes to pursue me in every movement! Carried away by the
+delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of
+the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity!
+Ah, hapless Diedrich! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the
+buffetings of fortune--a stranger and weary pilgrim in thy native
+land--blest with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children; but
+doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by
+foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held
+sovereign empire!
+
+Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting
+recollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on
+the virtuous days of the patriarchs--on those sweet days of simplicity and
+ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata.
+
+These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growing
+wealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are to
+involve it in all kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed at
+the close of my last book, they had awakened the attention of the mother
+country. The usual mark of protection shown by mother countries to wealthy
+colonies was forthwith manifested; a governor being sent out to rule over
+the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. The
+arrival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffe
+the Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose during
+his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landed
+estate on the banks of the Hudson, having virtually forfeited all right to
+his ancient appellation of Kortlandt, or Lackland.
+
+It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was
+appointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlands, under the
+commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General
+of the United Netherlands and the privileged West India Company.
+
+This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month of
+June, the sweetest month in all the year; when Dan Apollo seems to dance
+up the transparent firmament--when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand
+other wanton songsters make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and
+the luxurious little boblicon revels among the clover blossoms of the
+meadows--all which happy coincidence persuaded the old dames of New
+Amsterdam who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this was
+to be a happy and prosperous administration.
+
+The renowned Wouter, or Walter, Van Twiller was descended from a long line
+of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and
+grown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had empowered
+themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety that they were never
+either heard or talked of--which, next to being universally applauded,
+should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There are
+two opposite ways by which some men make a figure in the world; one by
+talking faster than they think, and the other by holding their tongues and
+not thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires the reputation
+of a man of quick parts; by the other many a dunderpate, like the owl, the
+stupidest of birds, comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This,
+by the way, is a casual remark, which I would not for the universe have
+it thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. It is true he was a man shut
+up within himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke except in
+monosyllables; but then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. So
+invincible was his gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even to
+smile, through the whole course of a long and prosperous life. Nay, if a
+joke were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a
+roar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. Sometimes
+he would deign to inquire into the matter, and when, after much
+explanation, the joke was made as plain as a pike-staff, he would continue
+to smoke his pipe in silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, would
+exclaim, "Well! I see nothing in all that to laugh about."
+
+With all his reflective habits he never made up his mind on a subject. His
+adherents accounted for this by the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. He
+conceived every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room in his
+head to turn it over and examine both sides of it. Certain it is that if
+any matter were propounded to him, on which ordinary mortals would rashly
+determine at first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, shake
+his capacious head, smoke some time in profound silence, and at length
+observe that "he had his doubts about the matter;" which gained him the
+reputation of a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What is
+more, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit of the mind has been
+attributed his surname of Twiller, which is said to be a corruption of the
+original Twijfler, or, in plain English, Doubter.
+
+The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned,
+as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary,
+as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six
+inches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head was
+a perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature,
+with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck
+capable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, and
+settled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders.
+His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wisely
+ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, and
+very averse to the idle labor of walking.
+
+His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to
+sustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beer
+barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a
+vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigure
+the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes
+twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy
+firmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of
+everything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked
+with dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple.
+
+His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated
+meals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight
+hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was
+the renowned Wouter Van Twiller--a true philosopher, for his mind was
+either elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares and
+perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feeling
+the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it round
+the sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curling
+from his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any of
+those numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed his
+brain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere.
+
+In his council he presided with great state and solemnity. He sat in a
+huge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague,
+fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously carved
+about the arms and feet into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws.
+Instead of a scepter he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin
+and amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, at the
+conclusion of a treaty, with one of the petty Barbary Powers. In this
+stately chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe would he smoke,
+shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye for
+hours together upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a black
+frame against the opposite wall of the council chamber. Nay, it has even
+been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length and
+intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for
+full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by external
+objects--and at such times the internal commotion of his mind was evinced
+by certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were
+merely the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and opinions.
+
+It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to collect these
+biographical anecdotes of the great man under consideration. The facts
+respecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them so
+questionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the
+search after many, and decline the admission of still more, which would
+have tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait.
+
+I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits of
+Wouter Van Twiller, from the consideration that he was not only the first,
+but also the best governor, that ever presided over this ancient and
+respectable province; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that I
+do not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any offender
+being brought to punishment--a most indubitable sign of a merciful
+governor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of the
+illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller
+was a lineal descendant.
+
+The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was
+distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presage
+of a wise and equitable administration. The morning after he had been
+installed in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfast
+from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and Indian pudding, he
+was interrupted by the appearance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important
+old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent
+Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts,
+seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle.
+Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words;
+he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or being disturbed
+at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle
+Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shoveled a spoonful of
+Indian pudding into his mouth--either as a sign that he relished the dish
+or comprehended the story--he called unto his constable, and pulling out
+of his breeches proper a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the
+defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant.
+
+This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal
+ring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The two
+parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts,
+written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a High
+Dutch commentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage
+Wouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands,
+and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a
+very great doubt, and smoked for half an hour without saying a word; at
+length, laying his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for a
+moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the
+tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of
+tobacco smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solemnity pronounced--that
+having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was
+found that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other--therefore, it
+was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally
+balanced--therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent
+should give Wandle a receipt--and the constable should pay the costs.
+
+This decision being straightway made known, diffused general joy
+throughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they
+had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its
+happiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout the
+whole of his administration--and the office of constable fell into such
+decay, that there was not one of those losel scouts known in the province
+for many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction,
+not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments on
+record, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but because
+it was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being the
+only time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course of
+his life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+In treating of the early governors of the province I must caution my
+readers against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, with
+those worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in this
+enlightened republic--a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are in
+fact the most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed to
+bear the secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and the
+sneers and revilings of the whole world beside--set up, like geese at
+Christmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and
+vagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed that
+uncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of distant colonies or
+territories. They were in a manner absolute despots in their little
+domains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and
+accountable to none but the mother-country; which, it is well known, is
+astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they
+discharge the main duty of their station--squeezing out a good revenue.
+This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seized
+with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentic
+history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting
+with independence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude.
+
+To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, a
+board of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over the
+police. This potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiff, with powers
+between those of the present mayor and sheriff--five burgermeesters, who
+were equivalent to aldermen, and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs,
+sub-devils, or bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner as
+do assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day; it being
+their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt the
+markets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge such
+other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was,
+moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they
+should consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of the
+burgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes; but
+this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at
+present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of
+a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful
+effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes.
+
+In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say "yes" and
+"no" at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of
+the public kitchen--being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and
+smoke, at all those snug junketing and public gormandisings, for which the
+ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The
+post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly
+coveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a huge
+relish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a small
+way--who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the
+terror of the almshouse and the bridewell--that shall enable them to lord
+it over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and
+hunger-driven dishonesty--that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack
+of catshpolls and bumbailiffs--tenfold greater rogues than the culprits
+they hunt down! My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confess
+is unbecoming of a grave historian; but I have a mortal antipathy to
+catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men.
+
+The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of the
+present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than in
+prerogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were
+generally chosen by weight--and not only the weight of the body, but
+likewise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in all
+honest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat;
+and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is in
+some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind is moulded to
+the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been
+insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their
+peculiar study; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes,
+"there is a constant relation between the moral character of all
+intelligent creatures, and their physical constitution--between their
+habits and the structure of their bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare,
+diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddling
+mind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion; or
+else the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it
+continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the
+uneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldly
+periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at
+ease; and we may alway observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghers
+are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort; being great
+enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance--and surely none are more
+likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of
+their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together
+in turbulent mobs! No--no--it is your lean, hungry men who are continually
+worrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears.
+
+The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to by
+philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls--one
+immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and
+regulate the body; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible
+passions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart; a
+third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its
+propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the
+divine soul by its ravenous howlings. Now, according to this excellent
+theory, what can be more clear, than that your fat alderman is most
+likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is
+like a huge spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass of soft
+brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a
+feather-bed; and the eyes which are the windows of the bedchamber, are
+usually half-closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by external
+objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance,
+is manifestly most like to perform its functions with regularly and ease.
+By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which is
+confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts the
+irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion,
+and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely
+pacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest,
+good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue,
+slily peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding this Cerberus
+asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday
+suits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm--disposing their possessor to
+laughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards his
+fellow-mortals.
+
+As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but very
+little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite
+opinions; and, as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner,
+they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the
+administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and
+therefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court of
+justice except in the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which I
+can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor
+culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the
+present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the
+alderman are the best fed men in the community; feasting lustily on the
+fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles,
+that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the
+form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I
+have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet
+equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their
+transactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony; and the profound laws
+which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion,
+are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced when
+awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed
+mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at
+hand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, meddling
+candidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief
+put a greyhound to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox-wagon.
+
+The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen by
+weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attend
+upon them, and help them eat; but the latter, in the course of time, when
+they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsiness
+of brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs,
+having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a
+comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New England
+cheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took place
+between the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be
+the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for
+hours smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word to
+interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under
+the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, the
+infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps
+and forests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and country
+customary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the
+city of Washington; that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious an
+appearance on paper.
+
+It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest burgher, like
+a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed
+house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow.
+Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft
+southern breeze and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of
+his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his
+swine; that combination of farmyard melody, which may truly be said to
+have a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of
+profitable marketing.
+
+The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous
+city, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented
+in the primitive days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the
+shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of
+accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce,
+were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in
+the highways--the bleating sheep and frolicksome calves sported about the
+verdant ridge, where now the Broadway loungers take their morning
+stroll--the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now
+are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of
+money-brokers--and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields,
+where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling
+echo with the wranglings of the mob.
+
+In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property
+prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility
+and heart-burnings of repining poverty--and what in my mind is still more
+conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of
+intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New
+Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those
+honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by the
+gross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use.
+
+Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for
+public employ, and especially promoted to city honors; your keen
+intellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I
+know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as
+the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings; whereas, for
+my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that
+prevails, that embroils communities more than anything else; and I have
+remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody
+else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New
+Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls--the very words
+of learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of--a bright
+genius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady would have been
+regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man in
+fact seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than
+an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his
+own; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read in
+the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with a
+cross.
+
+Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh! existing in all the
+security of harmless insignificance--unnoticed and unenvied by the world,
+without ambition, without vain-glory, without riches, without learning,
+and all their train of carking cares; and as of yore, in the better days
+of man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural
+habitations, so we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, the
+good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of
+a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the treetops, or over the roofs
+of houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his
+breeches pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites.
+Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows us the
+light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year;
+when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs,
+confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degeneracy
+of the parents.
+
+Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The
+province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweet
+tranquillity that wealth could never purchase. There were neither public
+commotions, nor private quarrels; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms;
+neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments; nor were there
+counsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to what
+little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he
+pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody
+meddled with concerns above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose into
+other people's affairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct and
+reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of
+others; but in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not
+hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the
+sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were sleepy or not; all
+which tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I am
+told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching
+her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace--this
+superabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of
+life, according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that "more than enough
+constitutes a feast." Everything, therefore, went on exactly as it should
+do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare
+of a country, "the profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughout
+the province."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened _literati_ who
+turn over the pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful of
+the yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam with
+untried valor, like a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain fresh
+from under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be
+satisfied with nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters; they
+must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, springing mines,
+marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page,
+and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial,
+but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are little given to the
+marvelous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions of
+prodigies, unheard of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, and
+all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary line
+of possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are of
+a lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times, as they do over
+the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocent
+amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes,
+Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogues of
+hideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and
+flavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of more
+philosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time,
+to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradual
+changes in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, the
+vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation.
+
+If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solace
+themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to
+exert their patience for a while, and bear with the tedious picture of
+happiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historian
+obliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can possibly
+alight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hard
+but I will make it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I turn
+with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or,
+if possible, women after my own heart; grave, philosophical, and
+investigating; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a start from first
+causes, and so haunting a nation down, through all the mazes of innovation
+and improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first
+development of the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners and
+customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of Van
+Twiller, or the Doubter.
+
+I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely the
+increase and improvement of New Amsterdam. Their own imaginations will
+doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking and
+persevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors--they will
+behold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the stately
+Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from the
+tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden; and from the skulking
+Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture to
+themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of prosperity,
+incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat
+government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry.
+
+The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being
+able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, the cows,
+in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and
+as they went to and from pasture, established paths through the bushes, on
+each side of which the good folks built their houses; which is one cause
+of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish
+certain streets of New York at this very day.
+
+The houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood,
+excepting the gable end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks,
+and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants,
+were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best
+leg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doors
+and small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiously
+designated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof was
+perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important
+secret which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops
+of our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could have
+a wind to his mind;--the most staunch and loyal citizens, however, always
+went according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house,
+which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employed
+every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter.
+
+In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanliness
+was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of
+an able housewife--a character which formed the utmost ambition of our
+unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except on
+marriages, funerals, new year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or
+some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker,
+curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of a
+lion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal, that it was
+oft-times worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. The
+whole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the discipline
+of mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes; and the good housewives of those
+days were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to be
+dabbling in water--insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us,
+that many of his townswomen grew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck;
+and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into,
+would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this I look upon to be a
+mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation.
+
+The grand parlor was the _sanctum sanctorum_, where the passion for
+cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was
+permitted to enter excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, who
+visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning,
+and putting things to rights; always taking the precaution of leaving
+their shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet.
+After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which was
+curiously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom;
+after washing the windows, rubbing and polishing the furniture, and
+putting a bunch of evergreens in the fireplace--the window shutters were
+again closed to keep out the flies, and the room carefully locked up until
+the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day.
+
+As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally
+lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assembled round
+the fire, one would have imagined that he was transported back to those
+happy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginations
+like golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude,
+where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, black and
+white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege,
+and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in
+perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking into the fire with half-shut
+eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw, on the
+opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn or
+knitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth,
+listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who was
+the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of a
+chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of
+incredible stories about New England witches, grisly ghosts, horses
+without heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among the
+Indians.
+
+In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn,
+dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a
+private meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestable signs of
+disapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from a
+neighbor on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thus
+singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of
+intimacy by occasional banquettings, called tea-parties.
+
+These fashionable parties were generally confined to the higher classes,
+or noblesse: that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove their
+own waggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went
+away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashionable hours
+were a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before dark. The
+tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of
+fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The
+company being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with a
+fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this
+mighty dish--in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea,
+or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced
+with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears;
+but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened
+dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks--a delicious
+kind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, except in genuine
+Dutch families.
+
+The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, ornamented with
+paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs,
+with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry
+other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by
+their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle,
+which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat
+merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laid
+beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with great
+decorum; until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic old
+lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by a
+string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth--an
+ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany,
+but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen Flatbush, and
+all our uncontaminated Dutch villages.
+
+At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity of
+deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting--no gambling of old
+ladies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young ones--no
+self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in their
+pockets--nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements of smart young
+gentlemen with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated
+themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own
+woollen stockings; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say "_yah
+Mynheer_," or "_yah ya Vrouw_," to any question that was asked them;
+behaving, in all things, like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the
+gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in
+contemplation of the blue and white tiles with which the fireplaces were
+decorated; wherein sundry passages of Scripture were piously
+portrayed--Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage, Haman swung
+conspicuously on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out
+of the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire.
+
+The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. They were
+carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles
+nature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to
+keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their
+respective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door;
+which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect
+simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor
+should it at the present. If our great-grandfathers approved of the
+custom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to
+say a word against it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island of
+Manna-hata presented a scene the very counterpart of those glowing
+pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before
+observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its
+inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little
+understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the
+female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and
+grey-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves
+with incredible sobriety and comeliness.
+
+Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously
+pomatomed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a
+little cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Their
+petticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous
+dyes--though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short,
+scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, which
+generally equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes; and what is
+still more praiseworthy, they were all of their own manufacture--of which
+circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain.
+
+These were the honest days, in which every woman stayed at home, read the
+Bible, and wore pockets--ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned with
+patchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the
+outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good
+housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at
+hand, by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed; and I
+remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of
+Wouter Van Twiller once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search
+of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and
+the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner; but we
+must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those
+remote periods being very subject to exaggeration.
+
+Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pincushions
+suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or among the more opulent and
+showy classes by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens of
+thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in
+vindication of the shortness of the petticoats; it doubtless was
+introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen,
+which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks; or
+perhaps to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat though serviceable
+foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendid
+silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the
+same disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order
+to betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery.
+
+From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers
+differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their
+scantily-dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those
+times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would
+have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less
+admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, the
+greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the
+magnitude of its object; and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen
+petticoats, was declared by a low Dutch sonneteer of the province to be
+radiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it
+is that in those day the heart of a lover could not contain more than one
+lady at a time, whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room
+enough to accommodate half a dozen; the reason of which I conclude to be,
+that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons
+of the ladies smaller; this, however, is a question for physiologists to
+determine.
+
+But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, no doubt, entered
+into the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was
+in those days her only fortune; and she who had a good stock of petticoats
+and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamschatka damsel with
+a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The
+ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions
+to the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead of
+being adorned with caricatures of Dame Nature, in water-colors and
+needlework, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments,
+the manufacture and the property of the females; a piece of laudable
+ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages.
+
+The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in
+these ancient times, corresponded in most particulars with the beauteous
+damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their
+merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a
+modern fair; they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems,
+for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did they
+distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their
+consequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too
+pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul
+throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did
+they establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailors
+for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the
+tranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen were unknown in New
+Amsterdam; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and
+family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller himself thought it no
+disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins.
+
+Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the
+first dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor in
+contempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine,
+squandered what little money they could procure at hustle cap and chuck
+farthing; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbor's horses;
+in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the
+town, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an
+affair of honor with a whipping post.
+
+Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days; his
+dress, which served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room,
+was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the
+mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large
+brass buttons--half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his
+figure--his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles--a low
+crowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage, and his hair
+dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of sulskin.
+
+Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiege
+some fair damsel's obdurate heart--not such a pipe, good reader, as that
+which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delf
+manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With this
+would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely
+failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender
+upon honorable terms.
+
+Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, celebrated in many a long
+forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but
+counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holy
+calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe in
+peace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils
+were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron
+of snowy white without being insulted by ribald street walkers or vagabond
+boys--those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying under
+the roses of youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was that the
+lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score,
+indulged in all the innocent endearments of virtuous love without fear and
+without reproach; for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by a
+shield of good linsey-woolsey, equal at least to the seven bull-hides of
+the invincible Ajax?
+
+Ah! blissful and never to be forgotten age! when everything was better
+than it has ever been since, or ever will be again--when Buttermilk
+Channel was quite dry at low water--when the shad in the Hudson were all
+salmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness,
+instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her
+sickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate
+city!
+
+Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it always have existed in
+this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity; but, alas! the days
+of childhood are too sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them in
+time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and
+miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself when he beholds the
+child of his bosom, or the city of his birth, increasing in magnitude and
+importance, let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of the
+one, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata convince him of the
+calamities of the other.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+It has already been mentioned that, in the early times of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, called Fort Aurania, had been
+established on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of
+the present venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered at the
+very end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, with
+which, for a long time, New Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now and
+then the "Company's Yacht," as it was called, was sent to the Fort with
+supplies, and to bring away the peltries which had been purchased of the
+Indians. It was like an expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, and
+always made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an adventurous burgher
+would accompany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends;
+but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests on
+the Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's Dane
+Kammer, and of all the other wonders and perils with which the river
+abounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurous
+inhabitants from following his xample.
+
+Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and his
+burgermeesters were smoking and pondering over the affairs of the
+province, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, they
+beheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay; it was unquestionably of
+Dutch build, broad-brimmed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of their
+High Mightinesses at the masthead.
+
+After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger stepped on shore, a
+lofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, with a meager face, furnished
+with hug mustachios. He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and an
+insufferably tall hat, with a cocktail feather. Such was the patroon
+Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from Holland to found a colony or
+patroonship on a great tract of wild land, granted to him by their Hight
+Mightinesses the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the Hudson.
+
+Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine day's wonder in New Amsterdam, for he
+carried a high head, looked down upon the portly, short-legged
+burgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the governor himself; boasting
+that he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States General.
+
+He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam merely to beat up recruits
+for his colony. Few, however, ventured to enlist for those remote and
+savage regions; and when they embarked, their friends took leave of them
+as if they should never see them more; and stood gazing with tearful eyes
+as the stout, round-sterned little vessel ploughed and splashed its way up
+the Hudson, with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day to
+get out of sight of the city.
+
+And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Manhattoes of the
+growing importance of this new colony. Every account represented Killian
+Van Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon in
+the land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship of
+Rensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended for
+several miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the mountainous
+region of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separate
+jurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam.
+
+All these assumptions of authority were duly reported to Governor Van
+Twiller and his council, by dispatches from Fort Aurania, at each new
+report the governor and his counsellors looked at each other, raised their
+eyebrows, gave an extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed into
+their usually tranquillity.
+
+At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaerwick had extended his
+usurpations along the river, beyond the limits granted him by their High
+Mightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in the
+Hudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or Bear's Island, where he was
+erecting a fortress, to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen.
+
+Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting with
+his burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick,
+demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, which lay beyond
+the bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van Rensellaer was in
+his own lordly style, "By _wapen recht!_" that is to say, by the right of
+arms, or in common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthy
+Wouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of his
+administration. In the meantime, while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian
+went on to finish his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee I
+shall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventful
+history.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and four, on a fine
+afternoon in the glowing month of September, I took my customary walk upon
+the battery, which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient and
+impregnable city of New York. The ground on which is I trod was hallowed
+by recollections of the past, and as I slowly wandered through the long
+alley of poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on end,
+diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my imagination drew a contrast
+between the surrounding scenery, and what it was in the classic days of
+our forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the customhouse
+by occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pillars, there
+whilom stood the low, but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdam
+frowned defiance to every absent foe; but, like many a whiskered warrior
+and gallant militia captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone.
+The mud breastworks had long been leveled with the earth, and their site
+converted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the battery, where the
+gay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic,
+relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale of
+love into the half averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. The
+capacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studded
+with islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores of
+picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shores
+had been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled
+mazes and impenetrable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards, and
+waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling garden
+appertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered with
+fortifications, inclosing a tremendous block house; so that this once
+peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat,
+breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world!
+
+For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of thought, contrasting in
+sober sadness the present day with the hallowed years behind the
+mountains, lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising
+the zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavor to preserve the wrecks of
+venerable customs, prejudices, and errors, from the overwhelming tide of
+modern innovation; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and I
+insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me.
+
+It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven particularly bestows
+upon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity; not a floating
+cloud obscured the azure firmament; the sun rolling in glorious splendor
+through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenance
+into an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his evening
+salutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous
+beams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute attention,
+lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the waveless
+bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheld
+herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choice
+handkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag-staff which
+forms the handle of a gigantic churn; and even the tremulous leaves of the
+poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything
+seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidable
+eighteen-pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries,
+seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country
+on the next fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot
+to call the garrison to the shovels; the evening gun had not yet sounded
+its signal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the country
+to go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Island
+and Communipaw slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters
+to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. My
+own feelings sympathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I should
+infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which our
+benevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescent
+loungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all
+repose at defiance.
+
+In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a
+black speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergen
+steeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities of
+Jersey, Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are starting on
+the course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement of
+the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its
+wide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto
+and quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for the
+embarrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud
+rolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse,
+and bearing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The earth seems
+agitated at the confusion of the heavens--the late waveless mirror is
+lashed into furious waves, that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore--the
+oyster boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island,
+now hurry affrighted to the land--the poplar writhes and twists, and
+whistles in the blast--torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail deluge
+the battery walks--the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids,
+and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs over their hats,
+scampering from the storm--the late beauteous prospect presents one scene
+of anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, and
+was hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Nature.
+
+Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained bodly at my post,
+as our gallant train-band captains, who march their soldiers through the
+rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the
+reader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the
+reason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of
+my work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance.
+The panorama view of the battery was given to gratify the reader with a
+correct description of that celebrated place, and the parts adjacent;
+secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and life
+to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from
+falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous
+times which are about to assail the pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the
+French-horns, the kettle drums, and trumpets of his orchestra, in
+requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars
+called melodrames; and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his
+lightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost,
+or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history.
+
+Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the contrary, I am of opinion
+that, as to nations, the old maxim, that "honesty is the best policy," is
+a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in the
+honest times when it was made; but, in these degenerate days, if a nation
+pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare
+something like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found his
+honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the
+case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands; which, like a
+worthy, unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the city
+of New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortable
+nap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked
+his pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of
+this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil
+security, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of its
+government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history
+towards the end of a chapter; and as my readers, like myself, must
+doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, and
+the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a
+pipe, and having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new
+chapter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+That my readers may the more fully comprehend the extent of the calamity
+at this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of
+Nieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I should
+give some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering upon the
+eastern frontier.
+
+Now so it came to pass that, many years previous to the time of which we
+are treating, the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain national
+creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in
+which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care to
+pay the toll-gatherers by the way.
+
+Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge
+their own opinions on all manner of subjects (a propensity exceedingly
+offensive to your free governments of Europe), did most presumptuously
+dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they
+considered a natural and unextinguishable right-the liberty of conscience.
+
+As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which always
+thinks aloud--which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is for ever
+galloping into other people's ears--it naturally followed that their
+liberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which being
+freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious
+indignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church.
+
+The usual methods were adopted, to reclaim them, which in those days were
+considered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that is
+to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they
+were buffeted--line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here
+a little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and without
+success; until worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by their
+unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercy
+to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to "heap live embers on their
+heads."
+
+Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which has
+ever distinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject that
+heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the
+wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of
+talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this
+free-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such a
+clamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beast
+out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish,
+that they have been called dumb-fish ever since.
+
+This may appear marvelous, but it is nevertheless true; in proof of which
+I would observe, that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of
+superstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every true
+Yankee.
+
+The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strange
+folk in utter astonishment, but discovering that they wielded harmless,
+though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race of
+men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of
+Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifies
+silent men--a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar
+epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day.
+
+True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass over
+the fact, that having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of
+persecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had become
+masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of
+thinking in matters of religion; but, to their great surprise and
+indignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were
+springing up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of speech.
+This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience,
+which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as one
+pleased in matters of religion, provided one thought right; for otherwise
+it would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, the
+majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequently
+followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong: and
+whoever thought wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being convinced
+and converted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty of
+conscience, and a corrupt and infestious member of the body politic, and
+deserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of all
+which was a fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers.
+
+Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift up
+their hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which we
+contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the
+preposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, and
+establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerant
+persecution. But, in simple truth, what are we doing at this very day, and
+in this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principle
+in our political controversies? Have we not, within but a few years,
+released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied
+us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full latitude that
+invaluable member, the tongue? and are we not at this very moment striving
+our best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the
+fortunes of one another? What are our great political societies but mere
+political inquisitions--our pot-house committees but little tribunals of
+denunciation--our newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where
+unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs--and our council of
+appointment but a grand auto-da-fe, where culprits are annually sacrificed
+for their political heresies?
+
+Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those
+you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There is
+none; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, instead
+of banishing--we libel, instead of scourging--we turn out of office,
+instead of hanging--and where they burnt an offender in proper person, we
+either tar and feather, or burn him in effigy--this political persecution
+being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and an
+incontrovertible proof that this is a free country!
+
+But not withstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was
+prosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that the
+population of this new colony was in anywise hindered thereby; on the
+contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man
+unacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country.
+
+This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular custom
+prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling--a
+superstitious rite observed by the young people of both sexes, with which
+they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with
+religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This
+ceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as an
+indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing where
+ours usually finish; by which means they acquired that intimate
+acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has
+been pronounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus
+early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of making
+a bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict adherence
+to the good old vulgar maxim about "buying a pig in a poke."
+
+To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the
+unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race: for it is a certain
+fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that
+wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing number
+of sturdy brats annually born unto the state, without the license of the
+law or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth
+operate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew up
+a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen,
+and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts,
+tended marvelously toward peopling those notable tracts of country called
+Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+In the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account of
+the origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastward
+of the Nieuw Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiar
+habits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutch
+ancestors.
+
+The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity with which,
+like the sons of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, and
+which continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to
+place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration,
+tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people to
+enjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may be
+considered the wandering Arab of America.
+
+His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, is to settle himself
+in the world--which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles.
+To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress,
+passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock-tortoiseshell combs,
+with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the
+mystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie.
+
+Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a heavy knapsack,
+wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he
+literally sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, household
+furniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his own
+and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin; which done, he shoulders
+his axe, takes his staff in hand, whistles "Yankee doodle," and trudges
+off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, and
+relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a patriarch of
+yore, when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having
+buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away
+a corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon his labors, is
+soon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed
+urchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of the
+earth like a crop of toadstools.
+
+But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to rest
+contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment; improvement is his
+darling passion, and having thus improved his lands, the next care is to
+provide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of
+pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, large
+enough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions,
+but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of the
+ague.
+
+By the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed, either the
+funds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barely
+manages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrow
+together, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of
+pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with
+fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remaining
+unpainted, grows venerably black with time; the family wardrobe is laid
+under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to stuff into
+the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and
+howling about this aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as they
+did of yore in the cave of old AEolius.
+
+The humble log hut which whilom nestled this improving family snugly
+within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in ignominious
+contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig-sty; and the whole scene
+reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been
+recorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, which
+he had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the empty
+shell of a lobster, where he would no doubt have resided with great style
+and splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in the
+neighborhood, had he not perished with cold in one corner of his
+stupendous mansion.
+
+Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, "to rights," one
+would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation,
+to read newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own business, and attend
+to the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen; but now
+it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon grows
+tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement--sells
+his farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart,
+shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wanders
+away in search of new lands--again to fell trees--again to clear
+corn-fields--again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off and
+wander.
+
+Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the eastern
+frontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my readers may easily imagine what
+uncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have
+been to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they
+have ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it
+hath pleased Heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a French
+boarding-house? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on
+the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping of
+fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children; he cannot
+sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses to
+serenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution on
+the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can he
+leave the street door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavory
+visits of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome
+ravages into the _sanctum sanctorum_, the parlor.
+
+If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, so
+situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed
+by their mercurial neighbors of Connecticut.
+
+Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New-Netherland
+settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their
+unparalleled volubility, and their intolerable inquisitiveness--two evil
+habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; for
+our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and
+who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own.
+Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending
+burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses,
+which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the
+modern right of search on the high seas.
+
+Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling and
+successes among the divine sex, for being a race of brisk, likely,
+pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the
+simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous
+customs, they attempted to introduce among them that bundling, which the
+Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and
+foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to
+follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and
+better acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced all
+such outlandish innovations.
+
+But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk
+was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in
+hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling
+themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the
+manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession
+of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the
+appellation of squatters, a name odious in the ears of all great
+landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize
+upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it
+afterward.
+
+All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating,
+tended to form that dark and portentious cloud which, as I observed in a
+former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New
+Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be
+perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to
+their immortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this
+increasing mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by dint of
+carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry it
+without difficulty when he had grown to be an ox.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have
+undertaken--exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had
+lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally
+forgotten; raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and
+endeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to
+their original form and connection; now lugging forth the character of an
+almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue: now deciphering a
+half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript,
+which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal.
+
+In such cases how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity
+of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him
+some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity,
+or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, that
+it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with
+which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had
+to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my
+fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts
+respecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province of
+New Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to
+compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of
+fable, with this authentic history.
+
+I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in those parts of my
+history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in any
+other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested those
+quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlands no mercy in
+their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares
+that "the Dutch were always mere intruders." Now, to this I shall make no
+other reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which
+will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession
+in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully
+dispossessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandalously
+maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historians
+of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and
+impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame; for I would not wittingly
+dishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice,
+though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England.
+
+I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history that the
+territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to the
+Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had
+been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort
+Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It
+was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some
+historians will have it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class
+famous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the
+limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs.
+He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent,
+that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the
+Giant Killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were
+sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot.
+
+But not withstanding the erection of this fort, and the appointment of
+this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the
+interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity
+to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop.
+
+The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these
+unwarrantable encroachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of
+inspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest to
+the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of
+the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all,
+to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went
+to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity,
+that greatly animated his adherents, and, no doubt, struck sore dismay and
+affright into the hearts of the enemy.
+
+Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller, full of years and honors, and council dinners, had reached the
+period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver,
+entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He
+employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an assemblage of sages
+equally enlightened, and nearly as venerable, as himself, and who, for
+their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness
+to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by
+certain profound corporations which I have known in my time. Upon reading
+the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, His Excellency
+fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to
+encounter; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest; he closed
+his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great
+attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, and which all
+who knew him declared to be the huge courthouse or council chamber of his
+thoughts, forming to his head what the House of Representatives does to
+the Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore,
+occasionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation was
+never known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman or
+child. In the meantime, the protect of Van Curlet lay quietly on the
+table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled
+in council; and, in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant
+Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon as
+completely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency
+swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of
+Congress.
+
+There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sage
+deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an
+ounce of hair-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious
+discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present; for while the
+renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his
+resolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed
+farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable
+appearance in the neighborhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded
+the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called,
+Weathersfield--a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that
+worthy historian, John Josselyn, gent., "hath been infamous by reason of
+the witches therein." And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that
+they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is
+illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop,
+insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter
+without tears in their eyes.
+
+This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant
+Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of this
+choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent
+in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated.
+He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his
+breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row
+of abattis; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his
+perilous situation.
+
+The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily little man, as
+being less liable to be worn out or to lose leather on the journey; and,
+to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon horse in the
+garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness
+of trot; and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb on
+his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he
+make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month,
+though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and
+twenty miles.
+
+With an appearance of great hurry and business, and smoking a short
+traveling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanes
+of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the little
+Dutch children were making in the road, and for which kind of pastry the
+children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's
+house, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed doorkeeper,
+old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative,
+the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rattled at the
+door of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing
+over a plan for establishing a public market.
+
+At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was
+heard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the same
+instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from
+the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep
+sleep for the good of the community, and according to custom, in all such
+cases established, every man bawled out "Silence!" when, of a sudden, the
+door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased
+to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the
+sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous
+dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his
+galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of
+descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and,
+with more hurry than perspicuity, delivered his message. But, fortunately,
+his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most
+tranquil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just breathed and smoked
+his last; his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his
+peaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from his
+tobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often
+slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and
+Wilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK IV._
+
+CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his description of the
+plague that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assures the
+reader that the history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious and
+pathetic; and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which a
+good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a
+favorite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable variety.
+
+In like manner did my heart leap within me when I came to the dolorous
+dilemma of Fort Good Hope, which I at once perceived to be the forerunner
+of a series of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the true
+subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of
+Newgate Calendar--a register of the crimes and miseries that man has
+inflicted on his fellow-men? It is a huge libel on human nature to which
+we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were
+building up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy, of our
+species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has
+written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation
+of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers,
+conquerors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and the
+stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind--warriors,
+who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from motives of
+virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenseless, but merely
+to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring
+their fellow-beings! What are the great events that constitute a glorious
+era? The fall of empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendid
+cities smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art tumbled in the
+dust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven!
+
+It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries of
+mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten
+on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock
+navigation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed
+canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies,
+wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food for
+the historian.
+
+It is a source of great delight to the philosophers, in studying the
+wonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of
+things--how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most
+noxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms
+of flies which are so often execrated as useless vermin are created for
+the sustenance of spiders; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently
+made to devour flies. So those heroes who have been such scourges to the
+world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and historian,
+while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements
+of heroes!
+
+These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up
+my pen to commence the reign of William Kieft; for now the stream of our
+history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to
+depart, for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a
+turbulent and rugged scene.
+
+As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover field, dozing and
+chewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of
+the Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader
+will now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towards
+a state of war; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum,
+with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end
+foremost.
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, to borrow a
+favorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists, was of a
+lofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient town
+of Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious
+investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was
+one reason why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name,
+according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver;
+that is to say, a wrangler or scolder; and expressed the characteristic of
+his family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town of
+Saardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any
+ten families in the place; and so truly did he inherit this family
+peculiarity that he had not been a year in the government of the province
+before he was universally denominated William the Testy. His appearance
+answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman,
+such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a
+broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of
+his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but his
+features were sharp; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red, by two
+fiery little gray eyes, his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouth
+turned down pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog.
+
+I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human physiology that if
+a woman waxes fat with the progress of years her tenure of life is
+somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she lives
+for ever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew
+tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through the
+process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt
+like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils
+and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the
+gallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made
+captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty
+in ancient saws and apophthegms, which he was wont to parade in his public
+harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his _spolia opima_. Of
+metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the
+bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas,
+and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident
+fact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got into
+an argument without getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion
+with his adversary for not being convinced gratis.
+
+He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the
+sciences, was fond of experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon
+inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, or
+country seat, at a short distance from the city, just at what is now
+called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity; patent
+smoke jacks that required a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roasted
+meat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathercocks that
+turned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances that
+astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with
+paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; and
+the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy victims of science, while
+aiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of
+"Dog's Misery," by which it continues to be known even at the present day.
+
+It is in knowledge as in swimming, he who flounders and splashes on the
+surface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl diver
+who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast
+acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple
+burghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the place as learned a man as
+a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet; and
+was unanimously pronounced a "universal genius!"
+
+I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp; but, to speak my mind
+freely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth
+his weight in straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plain
+common sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or
+invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William
+the Testy aided him in the affairs of government.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff of
+fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to
+make them a speech on the state of affairs.
+
+Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace,
+modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft,
+not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical
+organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; in
+other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose; a
+preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators.
+
+He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness
+of the high post to which he had been appointed, which made some of the
+simple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point
+of etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon office without
+declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in a
+manner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, and
+of the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the wars
+of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires
+which the worthy burghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after
+the manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he came
+by a natural roundabout transition to the matter in hand, namely, the
+daring aggressions of the Yankees.
+
+As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate has of handling
+his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the
+talk all on his own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy did
+not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called "a
+taste of his quality." In speaking of their inroads into the territories
+of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls, who desolated
+Rome; the Goths and Vandals, who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but
+when he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they at
+Weathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed
+Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage
+started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question.
+
+Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerent
+look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument potent in
+its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from the
+land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his
+broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an
+instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table.
+
+The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife
+does at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in question
+had a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and from a broad
+red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a
+buckwheat pancake. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention.
+The document in question was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees to
+depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under
+pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punishments in such case made
+and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument
+that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated; pledging his valor as a governor that,
+once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two months
+drive every mother's son of them across the borders.
+
+The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for some
+time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of
+the governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation.
+
+As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to the
+frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small clothes, and,
+mounting a tall, raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of
+Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of
+state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but from
+the honored wife of his bosom, who was one of that class of females, sent
+upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of
+mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact,
+my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was
+a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal
+at more than half the tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like many
+other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years; and this was,
+that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that
+ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither
+laid down in Aristotle or Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of a
+pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government.
+An absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days,
+was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about
+the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on
+record.
+
+The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his
+particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points
+of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to
+which he submitted through choice; adding, at the same time, a profound
+maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that "he who would aspire
+to govern should first learn to obey."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still
+better, a more economical measure devised than this of defeating the
+Yankees by proclamation--an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane,
+there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding; but then, there
+was one chance to ten that it would not succeed. As the ill-natured Fates
+would have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation was
+perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and
+well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the
+Yankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated
+it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose,
+and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end--a fate
+which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors.
+
+So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued their
+encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche river, and
+founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I have
+already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus
+Van Curlet and his garrison, but now these moss troopers increased in
+their atrocities, kidnaping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes
+grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could
+scarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh, or
+taken in in bargaining; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee pedlar
+would penetrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives
+with tinware and wooden bowls.[34]
+
+I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this part of my
+history. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among the
+mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of
+wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in
+meddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his
+ears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee
+race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of
+certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such
+a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough
+hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their
+stings.
+
+Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament--not my
+misfortune in giving offence--but the wrong-headed perverseness of an
+ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their
+ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I
+would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recording
+the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of the
+honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be
+bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth,
+now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go
+farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we
+impartial historians are sent into the world--to redress wrongs, and
+render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful
+nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner or
+later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in
+return.
+
+Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll warrant it,
+while they were harassing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Nederlandts,
+and driving its unhappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian would
+ever arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am but
+performing my bounden duty as a historian in avenging the wrongs of our
+reverend ancestors, I shall make no further apology; and, indeed, when it
+is considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my
+power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I
+conduct myself with great humanity and moderation.
+
+It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that his
+much-vaunted war measure was ineffectual; on the contrary, he flew in a
+passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that though slow in operating,
+yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of those
+invaders. When convinced at length of the truth, like a shrewd physician,
+he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of the
+medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a
+second proclamation more vehement than the first, forbidding all
+intercourse with these Yankee intruders; ordering the Dutch burghers on
+the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple
+sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish them
+with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout.
+
+Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as little
+regarded as the first, and the non-intercourse was especially set at
+nought by the young folks of both sexes.
+
+At length one day inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious
+barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld to their surprise the whole
+garrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and way-worn,
+with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy
+intelligence of the capture of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees.
+
+The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to all
+military commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine; nor was
+it undermined, nor bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot shot, but was
+taken by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which can never
+fail of success whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice.
+
+It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison of
+Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one-eighth by the death of two
+of his most corpulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fat
+salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was immediately
+set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habits
+of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners and
+smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noonstide of a sultry summer's
+day, and surprised them in the midst of their slumbers.
+
+In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and the
+Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by way of a
+spread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fisted
+Yankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck,
+conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the
+crupper, as Charles XII dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at the
+battle of Narva; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in consideration
+of his official dignity.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [34] The following cases in point appear in Hazard's "Collection
+        of State Papers:"--"In the meantime, they of Hartford have not
+        onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although
+        uprighteously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered
+        our nation in sowing theire own purchased broken-up lands, but
+        have also sowed them with corne in the night, which the
+        Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe; and have beaten
+        the servants of the high and mighty the honored companie, which
+        were labouring upon theire masters' lands, from theire lands,
+        with sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and, among
+        the rest, struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his
+        head with a stick, so that the bloode ran downe very strongly
+        downe upon his body."
+
+        "Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored
+        companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde
+        grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered
+        the hogg for 5s. if the commissioners would have given 5s. for
+        damage; which the commissioners denied, because noe man's own
+        hogg (as men used to say), can trespass upon his owne master's
+        grounde."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+Language cannot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing of
+the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too
+great for words, or rather the words were too great for him (being a very
+small man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, nine-cornered Dutch
+oaths and epithets which crowded at one into his gullet. At length his
+words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge,
+anathematising the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven,
+schobbejacken, deugenieten, twist-zoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken,
+kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately for
+posterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he would
+have nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling, guessing,
+questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses-daubing,
+shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-peddling
+crew--that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would
+dirty his hands by attempting to drive them away; in proof of which he
+ordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter
+quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency
+now fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared that the conquerors
+of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march on
+to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province to
+Connecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw
+Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans, insomuch that
+the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to
+frighten their unruly children.
+
+Everybody clamored round the governor, imploring him to put the city in a
+complete posture of defence, and he listened to their clamors. Nobody
+could accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any
+other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little
+purpose. When a youngling he had been impressed with the words of Solomon,
+"Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise," in
+conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn;
+hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or wherefore, busying himself
+about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and
+toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was
+moving a mountain. In the present instance he called in all his inventive
+powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, making
+diagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at his
+heels. At length, after a world of consultation and contrivance, his plans
+of defence ended in rearing a great flag-staff in the center of the fort,
+and perching a windmill on each bastion.
+
+These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm,
+especially after an additional means of securing the safety of the city
+had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in
+this most authentic history that in the domestic establishment of William
+the Testy "the grey mare was the better horse;" in other words, that his
+wife "ruled the roast," and, in governing the governor, governed the
+province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government.
+
+Now it came to pass that this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly,
+robustious trumpeter, named Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind;
+and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument
+that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the
+Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose.
+
+This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant,
+burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little bowery, or
+retreat in the country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances to
+the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that
+he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is
+said to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair
+sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate.[35]
+
+To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time
+of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plans
+of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held
+at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided: and this
+lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result
+of these councils was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the post
+of commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam.
+
+The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's
+heart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with
+delight, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twanging
+defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the
+principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands
+of Anthony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent as
+the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto;
+nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns
+celebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jericho
+fell down.
+
+Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the east
+gradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, they
+declared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected
+within their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, they
+continued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenances
+imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade
+with the Netherlands as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the
+windward of them in a bargain.
+
+The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the governor's lady
+attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the
+military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Anthony
+the Trumpeter.
+
+There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who sneered at the
+governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind;
+but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills; he had seen
+them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam; and was
+persuaded they were connected with the great science of defence; nay, so
+much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he
+introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day,
+quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento
+of his policy.
+
+I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the
+Manhattoes, skilful in expounding signs and mysteries, after events have
+come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into the
+escutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by the
+beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would
+be elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee, and patient industry
+overtopped by windy speculation.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [35] The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists;
+        but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays
+        excepting on sleighing parties, by the descendants of the
+        patriarchs, who still preserve the traditions of the city.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down
+the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those
+humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we
+find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious to
+preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments
+of country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever
+proposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck; whereby, in
+case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up--and there the
+matter ended.
+
+The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one
+trifling alteration in the judicial code; and legal matters were so clear
+and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of
+employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to
+litigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that
+they make scarce any figure in history; it being only your litigatous,
+quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world.
+
+I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the
+internal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him had
+he in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon the
+precaution of the good Charondas; or had he looked nearer home at the
+protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed
+without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy,
+meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the
+true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He
+accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments
+for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by
+ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the
+sequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances,
+too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without
+the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap.
+
+In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent; a
+class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were
+instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to
+abound, and the community was soon set together by the ears.
+
+Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession
+of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order.
+Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy
+gentlemen, the knights-errant of modern days, who go about redressing
+wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre,
+nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing
+good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my
+ink-bottle for ever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the
+dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the
+contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter
+days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant
+Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry; who, under its
+auspices, commit flagrant wrongs; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and
+chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are
+engendered.
+
+Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility of
+gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty,
+vexatious, and disgraceful suits were it not for the herds of
+pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more
+ignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in
+itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in
+medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to
+augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifogger
+exhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack
+is for ever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with
+infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after
+prone to embroil himself with his neighbors, and impoverish himself with
+successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I
+have been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool and
+unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent
+city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having been
+nearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me; and my ruin
+having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor.
+
+To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral
+offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more
+strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the
+root of all evil, and determined to cut it up root and branch, and
+extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his
+travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices
+posted up in country towns, that "any vagrant found begging there would be
+put in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in
+these neighborhoods; having doubtless thrown off their rags and their
+poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to
+improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine of his own
+invention was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less
+than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction,
+far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment
+of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so
+renowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the
+culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerable
+custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling
+between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time, to the infinite
+entertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually
+attend exhibitions of the kind.
+
+Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, vagrants, and beggars
+and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way. As to those
+who had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant
+misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood
+convicted of large debts which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had
+them straightway enclosed within the stone walls of a prison, there to
+remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient,
+however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under William the
+Testy than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poor
+devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew.
+
+END OF VOLUME I.
+
+
+
+
+KNICKERBOCKER'S
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
+
+VOLUME II.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+The playful devices by which attention was directed to the coming
+publication of the History of Diedrich Knickerbocker are represented in
+the author's opening to the first volume. Irving joined afterward in
+business as a sleeping partner, visited England in 1815, and, while
+cordially welcomed here by Thomas Campbell, Walter Scott, and others, the
+failure of his brother's business obliged him to make writing his
+profession. The publishers at first refused to take one of the most
+charming of his works, the "Sketch Book"; but John Murray yielded at last
+to the influence of Walter Scott, and paid L200 for the copyright of it, a
+sum afterward increased to L400. "Bracebridge Hall" and the "Tales of a
+Traveler" followed. Irving went to Spain with the American Ambassador to
+translate documents and acquire experience which he used afterward in
+successive books. "The Life and Voyages of Columbus" appeared in 1828, and
+was followed by "Voyages of the Companions of Columbus."
+
+In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, this time as Secretary to
+the American Legation. He published the "Conquest of Granada." In 1831 he
+received the honorary degree of LL.D. from the University of Oxford. Then
+he returned to America, published in 1832 "The Alhambra;" in 1835 "Legends
+of the Conquest of Spain." In 1842 he went again to Spain, this time as
+American Minister. Other works were produced, and at the close of his life
+he achieved his early ambition, by writing a Life of Washington, after
+whom he had been named, and who had laid his hand upon his head and
+blessed him when he was a child of five. Although the first of the five
+volumes of the Life of Washington did not appear until he was more than
+seventy years old, he lived to complete his work, and died on the 28th of
+November, 1859. Washington Irving never married. He had loved in his early
+years a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, had sat by her death-bed when
+she was a girl of seventeen, and waited until his own death restored her
+to him.
+
+H.M.
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+_BOOK IV_. (_continued._)
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those
+of William the Testy for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon
+of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous,
+had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of
+Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the
+precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets
+of New Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than
+strings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish,
+and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the
+simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchange
+for peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money
+of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of
+the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who
+used it to ornament their robes and moccasins; but among the honest
+burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the
+paper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weight
+with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company and
+all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to
+sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern
+Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to
+New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation.
+
+And now for a time affairs went on swimmingly; money became as plentiful
+as in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase,
+"a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee traders
+poured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on,
+and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price--in Indian money. If the
+latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their
+tinware and wooden bowls the case was altered; nothing would do but Dutch
+guilders, and such-like "metallic currency." What was worse, the Yankees
+introduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster shells, with which
+they deluged the province, carrying off all the silver and gold, the Dutch
+herrings and Dutch cheeses: thus early did the knowing men of the East
+manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the
+oyster, and leaving them the shell.[36]
+
+It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible how
+completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his
+eastern neighbors; nor would he probably have ever found it out had not
+tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long
+Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were
+coining up all the oyster banks.
+
+Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense,
+financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Oloffe the
+Dreamer, at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster
+figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind
+of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes; as witness the temples
+erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the
+standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft
+crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington.
+
+The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the
+pockets, but on the larders of the New Amsterdammers; the whole community
+was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the
+Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the standard; nay, some of
+the most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a
+_corps de reserve_, only to be called into action when the sacking
+commenced.
+
+The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who,
+for size and weight, might have matched with Colbrand, the Danish
+champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province
+for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff; or rather, Brinkerhoofd; that is to say, Stoffel the
+Head-breaker.
+
+This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led
+his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and
+Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any
+difficulty of note, though it is said that some of the burgomasters gave
+out at Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry Hollow; and that others lost heart,
+and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until
+he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay.
+
+Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by Preserved
+Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and
+Determined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily
+believed the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let loose
+upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the "select men"
+of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only
+to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of
+arguing--that was with the cudgel; but he used it with such effect that he
+routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the
+inhabitants into the sea, if they had not managed to escape across the
+Sound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to this
+day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees.
+
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and
+uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand
+triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William
+the Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a
+Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the
+enemy, were borne before him; and an immense store of oysters and clams,
+Weathersfield onions, and Yankee "notions" formed the _spolia opima;_
+while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the
+hero's triumph.
+
+The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes,
+performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells,
+while Anthony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts.
+
+A great banquet was served up in the Stadthouse from the clams and oysters
+taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the
+mint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his
+troops.
+
+It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among
+the ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues,
+passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to
+paint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign!
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [36] In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library
+        of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of
+        Indian money:--"Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from
+        the Quahang or whelk, a shell-fish formerly abounding on our
+        coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence of two colors, black
+        and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of
+        the white and three of the black for an English penny. The
+        seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England people
+        make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the
+        best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large
+        quantity of beavers' and other furs, by which the company is
+        defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in
+        making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet
+        their engagements; while their commissioners and the inhabitants
+        remain overstocked with seawant, a sort of currency of no value
+        except with the New Netherland savages," etc.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the
+inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they
+became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the
+little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent
+exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry; and
+the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a
+batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at
+large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy
+commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam;
+insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and
+perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and
+abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is
+disfigured.
+
+The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam's ass, began
+to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition for
+what is called "self-government." This restive propensity was first
+evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New
+Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated affairs of the
+province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco
+smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang
+loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers
+abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmiths
+suffered their fires to go out, while they stirred up the fires of
+faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity,
+neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government.
+
+Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally
+understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to
+exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word
+for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William the
+Testy.
+
+Under the instructions of these political oracles, the good people of New
+Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened; and, as a matter of course,
+exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error in
+which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people in
+creation; and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary not
+withstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined
+people!
+
+We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary
+causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders,
+and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this
+said by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these
+observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man
+groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render him
+wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity: as it would be an herculean
+task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could
+topple him off thence.
+
+I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generally
+held at some noted tavern; these public edifices possessing what in modern
+times are thought the true fountains of political inspiration. The ancient
+Germans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it when
+sober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon a
+subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a world
+of delay is spared; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk
+sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as his
+sober neighbors.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a
+small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been
+greatly annoyed by the facetious meetings of the good people of New
+Amsterdam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in
+their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the
+affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and
+tobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began
+forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all
+its uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the
+public pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness,
+and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, he
+issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New
+Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age, and
+attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have
+struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in
+fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New
+Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace--was he gay, he
+smoked: was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it was
+a part of his physiognomy; without it, his best friends would not know
+him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!
+
+The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular
+commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an
+immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor's
+house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William
+issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawless
+fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and
+puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the
+governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle.
+
+A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Anthony the Trumpeter. The
+governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked
+into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he
+abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller,
+denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he
+condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business; in place whereof
+he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which,
+he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the
+hatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming
+insurrection, which was long known by the name of the Pipe Plot, and
+which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots
+and seditions, in mere smoke.
+
+But mark, O reader! the deplorable evils which did afterward result. The
+smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud
+about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all
+the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them as
+vaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, from
+being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch
+yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried,
+leather-hided race.
+
+Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco pipes we may date the
+rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-important
+burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered
+to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long
+Pipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more
+convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian
+name of Short Pipes.
+
+A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the
+companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether, and took
+up chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids; an appellation since
+given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two
+great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass.
+
+And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving
+the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into
+three classes--those who think for themselves, those who think as others
+think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the
+great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a
+file-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body of
+people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the
+lead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they
+must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above
+all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who is
+not a thoroughgoing hater.
+
+The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being divided
+into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. And
+now the great business of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes and
+Short Pipes assemblings in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each
+other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and
+profit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter
+their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so
+strong in the Dutch language; believing, like true politicians, that they
+served their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayed
+their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all
+parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor
+of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them.
+
+Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped,
+and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign
+expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;
+all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by "numerous and
+respectable meetings" of pot-house politicians.
+
+In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the
+multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William
+Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to
+perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion
+with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, that
+your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily
+upset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, who
+was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his
+ear. The consequence was that though a projector of the first class, yet,
+by continually changing his projects, he gave none a fair trial; and by
+endeavoring to do everything, he, in sober truth, did nothing.
+
+In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showed
+themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governor
+with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and
+reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky
+devil of a hack-horse; so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a
+gallop throughout the whole of his administration.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like a
+vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of
+thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an
+evil; and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the
+time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, in
+fact, is a pestilent shrew, and, withal, an inexorable creditor; and
+though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in
+long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a
+vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. "Since," says good
+old Boethius, "no man can retain her at his pleasure, what are her favors
+but sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?"
+
+This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the
+Croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men
+rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that the
+higher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the lower must
+be his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of a
+ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs
+very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top.
+
+Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged in
+dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter,
+and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not
+be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his
+days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the
+Testy.
+
+The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the
+discoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and
+Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of
+Oloffe the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts were
+carried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. The
+consequence was many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and
+then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like
+the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without,
+however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the
+Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little
+governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from the
+Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony of
+Swedes in the South, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, and
+displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken
+possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their
+expedition by one Peter Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman,
+formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses; but who now declared
+himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the
+name of the province of New Sweden.
+
+It is an old saying, that "a little pot is soon hot," which was the case
+with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and
+once in a passion he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the
+receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that
+had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and
+Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he
+resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched a
+document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of
+Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of
+vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the
+potentates of the Manhattoes.
+
+This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors
+which had been thundered against the Yankees, and William Kieft was
+preparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when he
+received intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who had
+taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there.
+They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly
+expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the
+rough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their
+prototypes and cousins-german the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne
+considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, much
+given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple toddy; whence
+their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland,
+which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day.
+
+In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were
+represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as
+his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east; having both
+come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other
+words, to live as they pleased; the Yankees taking to praying and
+money-making and converting Quakers, and the Southerners to horse-racing
+and cock-fighting and breeding negroes.
+
+Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval
+armament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was
+armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful
+speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch.
+
+Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon
+the enemy just as they were engaged in a great "barbecue," a king of
+festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them with
+the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy,
+canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-driving,
+tavern-haunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts: and
+concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately; to which
+they laconically replied in plain English, "They'd see him d----d first!"
+
+Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus
+Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally
+unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the
+admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report
+progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where
+he arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small
+expense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the
+universal appellation of the Savior of his Country, and his services were
+suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the
+top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole
+years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for firewood.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+About this time, the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears
+to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have
+been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following
+up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measures
+against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called
+away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of
+which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter.
+
+The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific
+governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of Bearn
+Island by _wapen recht_. While the governor doubted and did nothing, the
+lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of
+Rensellaersteen, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the
+Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest
+fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon,
+accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate
+his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty
+it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed,
+unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag,
+lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of Rensellaersteen.
+
+This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords
+States General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter the
+Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy, on coming into
+office and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian
+Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degrees
+a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been established in
+the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the
+very name of Rensellaersteen.
+
+Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the company's yacht, the
+Half Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was
+quietly tiding it down the Hudson; the commander, Govert Lockerman, a
+veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the
+high poop, quietly smoking his pipe, under the shadow of the proud flag
+of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by a
+stentorian voice from the shore, "Lower thy flag, and be d----d to thee!"
+
+Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his
+eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus
+discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn,
+armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a
+steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian Van
+Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor.
+
+Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be
+dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, "To whom should I lower
+my flag?" demanded he. "To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the
+lord of Rensellaersteen!" was the reply.
+
+"I lower it to none but the Prince Orange and my masters, the Lords States
+General." So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged
+determination.
+
+Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging.
+Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly.
+
+Bang! went another gun; the shot whistling close astern.
+
+"Fire, and be d----d," cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge of
+tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence.
+
+Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in
+the "princely flag of Orange."
+
+This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert
+Lockerman; he maintained a stubborn though swelling silence, but his
+smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke
+emitted from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he
+slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact, he
+never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the Highlands of
+the Hudson, when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said
+to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give
+particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood.
+
+It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog's Misery, bearing
+in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of
+William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the
+marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the
+little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it to
+say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery
+topsy-turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the
+window; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went
+into a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by
+Anthony Van Corlear, the trumpeter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end
+of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patron of
+Rensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with
+the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land.
+The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to
+evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling
+for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates,
+his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for
+diplomacy.
+
+Accordingly Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the
+company's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Anthony the Trumpeter as
+ambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. In
+the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Anthony the
+Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parly to the forces. In a little
+while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, rose
+above the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and ultimately his
+whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth; while one by one a
+whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall,
+and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing
+daunted by this formidable array, Anthony Van Corlear drew forth and read
+with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against
+the usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the
+premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of
+the Manhattoes.
+
+In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end
+of his nose, and the thumb of the left hand to the little finger of the
+right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with
+his fingers. Anthony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this
+sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking to
+betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of
+William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right
+hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little
+finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. Anthony
+Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or
+symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a new
+diplomat like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of
+William the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded
+his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down the
+river, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of the
+wacht-meester, to keep it accurately in mind.
+
+Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of his embassy to the
+governor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas
+Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. He was
+deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, but they threw no light on
+the matter. He knew ever variety of windmill and weathercock, but was not
+a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in
+Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic symbols of the obelisk, but none
+furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his
+council. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the
+thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the
+finger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign.
+Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put
+in capitals, but all in vain, the worthy burgomasters were equally
+perplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his
+nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony Van
+Corlear, then smoked on in dubious silence. Several times was Anthony
+obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time
+a circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber.
+
+Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayers
+and fortune tellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could
+interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up in
+sore perplexity. The matter got abroad; Anthony Van Corlear was stopped at
+every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each
+of whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to
+carry the story home of his family. For several days all business was
+neglected in New Amsterdam; nothing was talked of but the diplomatic
+mission of Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots of
+politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fierce
+feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first
+had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other war
+questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy.
+
+Still, to this early affair of Rensellaersteen may be traced the remote
+origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the
+Helderberg, and have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van
+Rensellaers to its foundation: for we are told that the bully boys of the
+Helderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, carried
+back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled
+Anthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so that to the
+present day, the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be
+the reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any long arrears
+of rent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times who had a nearer
+opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace
+lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes;
+and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned,
+and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts; for about
+this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north,
+incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon the
+pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some
+broad-bottomed express rider, covered with mud and mire, would come
+floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale
+of aggression from the frontier; whereupon Anthony Van Corlear, seizing
+his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days,
+would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and
+disastrous cadence, as to throw half the old women in the city into
+hysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, there
+being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently
+treated to a panic--a secret well known to modern editors.
+
+But oh, ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of
+the Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter,
+protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch,
+were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters of
+the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant
+campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent victory at
+Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of
+his foul weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up
+of those clouds and indications of more portentous tempests; for the
+Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable
+occasion their incompetency to cope in fair fight with the sturdy chivalry
+of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their
+brethren who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived the
+name of Yankee land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence
+was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New
+Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the "United Colonies of New
+England;" the pretended object of which was mutual defense against the
+savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of history, the
+Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the
+modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people
+destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it.
+In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people; of that class who
+only require an inch to gain an ell; or a halter to gain a horse. From the
+time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate,
+progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making
+a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that
+a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received the
+nickname of "The Pilgrims," that is to say, a people who are always
+seeking a better country than their own.
+
+The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay,
+and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeable
+piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that he
+had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this
+was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic League, by which the states of
+Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heart
+quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes.
+
+The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of
+delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this
+truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to
+the New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the
+Indians, with carrying on a traffic in "guns, powther, and shott--a trade
+damnable and injurious to the colonists." It is true the Connecticut
+traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic; but then
+they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculated
+to burst in the pagan hands which used them.
+
+The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of
+William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head,
+but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented
+in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of
+New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued
+occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea
+captain fires his guns into a water spout, but, alas! they had no more
+effect than so many blank cartridges.
+
+Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy,
+for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times,
+he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for ever
+through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern
+that such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for he was in truth
+a mighty and great little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned,
+seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the
+art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and
+windmills.
+
+It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were
+great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysterious
+exit, have fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and
+forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the crab;
+while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fate
+similar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient
+bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairyland, where he
+still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another
+return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity,
+which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.[37]
+
+All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of
+those dreaming varlets the poets, to which I would not have my judicious
+reader attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient
+and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus
+was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills, nor a writer
+of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in
+natural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from a garret
+window of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling
+salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that
+he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore,
+discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill
+mountains.[38]
+
+The most probable account declares, that what with the constant troubles
+on his frontiers--the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own
+pericranium--the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of
+advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractory
+disposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on every
+point, and uniformly to be in the wrong--his mind was kept in a furnace
+heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which
+has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did
+he undergo a kind of animal combustion consuming away like a farthing
+rushlight, so that when grim Death finally snuffed him out, there was
+scarcely left enough of him to bury!
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [37] "The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead,
+        but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where
+        he sholde remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne
+        in as great authority as ever."--_Holinshed_.
+
+        "The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all
+        Britaigne; for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn--He say'd
+        that his deth shall be doubteous; and said soth, for men thereof
+        yet have doubte and shullen for evermore, for men wyt not whether
+        that he lyveth or is dede."--_De Leew Chron_.
+
+   [38] Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after
+        truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which
+        border a little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore
+        rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable
+        Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the
+        New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an
+        eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty
+        between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of
+        the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment,
+        the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity
+        of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump
+        and gave it to be proved by a skillful doctor of medicine,
+        Johannes de la Montagne, one of the councillors of the New
+        Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces
+        of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian
+        Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with
+        the Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain,
+        in the region of the Kaatskill, under the guidance of an Indian,
+        to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful
+        of ore, which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as
+        productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discovery
+        certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent Corsen, with a
+        bagful of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage in an English
+        ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed
+        at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board
+        perished.[A]
+
+        In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the
+        _Princess_, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral.
+        The ship was never heard of more!
+
+        Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but
+        pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an
+        eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a
+        learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question.
+        Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New
+        Netherlands, declared, in Holland, that he had tested several
+        specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory. It would
+        appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill
+        always brought ill luck; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent
+        Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which
+        they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The
+        golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the
+        mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of
+        the goblins which haunt them.
+
+        [A] See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlands,
+            Collect. New York Hist. Society, vol. i., p. 161.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK V._
+
+CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a
+subject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half way,
+there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great
+man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of
+ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it
+is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceedingly
+small space in the world; and it is equally certain, that even that small
+space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. "Of what consequence is
+it," said Pliny, "that individuals appear, or make their exit? the world
+is a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did
+philosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder that so wise a remark
+could have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to
+heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps out
+of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him; and of
+the proudest monarch it is merely said that, "he slept with his fathers,
+and his successor reigned in his stead."
+
+The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss,
+and, if left to itself, would soon forget to grieve; and though a nation
+has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man,
+yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion,
+excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian,
+the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to
+sustain; who, kind souls! like undertakers in England, act the part of
+chief mourners; who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and
+deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the
+patriotic author is weeping and howling in prose, in blank verse, and in
+rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into
+a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating
+and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter
+lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe and
+Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to
+become sureties.
+
+The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered
+into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some
+historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to
+posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, and
+turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I
+question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic
+history for all his future celebrity.
+
+His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its
+vicinity; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their
+spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain
+persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks
+(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang
+their heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next
+night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he ever
+did, on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The
+good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a
+very busy, active, bustling little governor; that he was "the father of
+his country;" that he was "the noblest work of God;" that "he was a man,
+take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again;"
+together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, regularly said
+on the death of all great men; after which they smoked their pipes,
+thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller,
+the best of our ancient Dutch governors; Wouter having surpassed all who
+preceded him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old
+Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never
+been equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man fitted by
+Nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not
+the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters,
+destined them to inextricable confusion.
+
+To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice; he
+was, in truth, a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned
+make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules
+would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertook
+to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes
+Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise for
+his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like the
+self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign
+people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very
+bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial
+excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental
+advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have
+graced any of their heroes.
+
+This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had
+gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was
+so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all
+his other limbs put together; indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that he
+had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused
+it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver
+leg.[39]
+
+Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore
+bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and
+attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the manner of
+his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders
+with his walking staff.
+
+Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or
+Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a
+shrewdness and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly expect from
+a man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True it
+is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to
+experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest
+manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the
+erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to
+assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few
+laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and
+impartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as
+well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes
+yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten.
+
+He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither
+tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting,
+like William the Testy; but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon
+activity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the
+advice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero
+of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and
+dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete him
+as a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that he
+always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found
+himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting,
+by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he
+possessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a statesman, called
+perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. A
+wonderful salve for official blunders; since he who perseveres in error
+without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he
+who wavers, in seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer.
+This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all
+legislators great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute
+which way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself,
+while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great
+risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's
+foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The
+clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours,
+while others may keep going continually, and be continually going wrong.
+
+Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people
+of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the
+independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by
+their new governor, that they universally called him Hard Koppig Piet, or
+Peter the Headstrong, a great compliment to the strength of his
+understanding.
+
+If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that
+Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome,
+obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor,
+either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at
+drawing conclusions.
+
+This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of
+May, 1647; a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacks of
+the time which have come down to us by the name of "Windy Friday." As he
+was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated
+into office with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renowned
+Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like
+manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone, in
+Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs.
+
+I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements,
+together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed "hanging day,"
+did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonable
+apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants; and
+several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in
+the mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare outright that
+they were omens of a disastrous administration; an event that came to be
+lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of
+attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and
+visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on
+which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance; or to
+those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, and
+flarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the oracular
+Sibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate
+inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much
+is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a
+turbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, when
+anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the
+authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though
+supported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, and
+proclamations, yet tottered to its very center; and when the great city of
+New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills,
+seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and
+ready to yield to the first invader.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [39] See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of
+government, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a little
+marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself
+constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his
+privy council, the members of which had acquired the unreasonable habit of
+thinking and speaking to themselves during the preceding reign, he
+determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely,
+therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office
+all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy;
+in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from those fat,
+somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under
+the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished
+with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent
+corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the
+good of the nation, while he took the burden of government upon his own
+shoulders--an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence.
+
+Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and
+expedients of his learned predecessor--rooting up his patent gallows,
+where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing his
+flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts
+of New Amsterdam; pitching to the Duyvel whole batteries of Quaker guns;
+and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and
+windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam.
+
+The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their
+matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious
+favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet.
+Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and
+eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would
+have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass--"Pr'ythee, who and
+what art thou?" said he. "Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed,
+"for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear--for my parentage, I am the son of
+my mother--for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great
+city of New Amsterdam." "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, "that
+thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave: how didst thou acquire this
+paramount honor and dignity?" "Marry, sir," replied the other, "like many
+a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trumpet." "Ay, is it so?"
+quoth the governor; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art."
+Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a
+charge with such tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a
+triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of
+one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger,
+grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up
+his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the
+heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might
+truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England,
+"there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to
+hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their
+steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy
+Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his
+discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway
+conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the
+troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever
+after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential
+envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous
+notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at
+his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious
+chivalry; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people
+with warlike melody, thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.
+
+But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation
+in the community was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had
+old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the
+true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his first
+edicts was that all duties to government should be paid in those precious
+metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender.
+
+Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the rise
+and fall of this fluctuating currency found their calling at an end;
+those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their
+capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were
+accustomed to flood the market with newly-coined oyster-shells, and to
+abstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying this
+"tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce; it
+was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an
+end; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries;
+grass would grow in the marketplace. In a word, no one who has not heard
+the outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon "paper
+money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong for
+checking the circulation of oyster-shells.
+
+In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream was
+deep as it was broad. The honest Dutchman sold less goods; but then they
+got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tinware,
+apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of
+Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified
+themselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage of
+oyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made
+their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the
+Dutch housewives.
+
+
+    NOTE.
+
+    From a manuscript record of the province (Lib, N.Y. Hist,
+    Soc.).--"We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser,
+    and prevent their being, further imposed upon, than to declare,
+    absolutely and peremptorily, that henceforward seawant shall be
+    bullion--not longer admissable in trade, without any value, as it
+    is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no
+    longer away his wares and merchandise for these baubles; at least
+    not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity,
+    than as they may want them in their trade with the savages.
+
+    "In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be
+    enabled to draw the best wares and merchandise from our country
+    for nothing; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed,
+    long since been insufferable; although it ought chiefly to be
+    imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and
+    inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition
+    of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent.
+
+    "27th January, 1662,
+
+    "Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating the
+internal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused
+such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and
+power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston,
+where it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mighty
+principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this
+formidable combination was mutual protection and defence against their
+savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand
+crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of the city of
+the Manhattoes--as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the
+Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient Crusaders.
+
+In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a
+grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its
+dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode
+Island, praying to be admitted into the league.
+
+The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records of
+the council.[40]
+
+"Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this
+insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting----
+
+
+    "Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee
+    the ilanders of Rhoode Iland may be rescauied into combination
+    with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and
+    perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence,
+    mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall
+    safety and wellfaire, etc.
+
+    "WILL COTTINGTON.
+    "ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG."
+
+There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document
+that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however
+mis-spelt, has been warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is in
+some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of
+Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great
+resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter,
+moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the
+noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may
+picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in
+the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among
+that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count
+beyond the number four.
+
+The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part
+of the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments farther
+and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that even
+the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath, and to find
+themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his
+first impulse was to march at once to the frontier, and kick these
+squatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time that
+he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once
+cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at
+negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the great
+council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either
+side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, adjust grievances,
+and establish a "perpetual and happy peace."
+
+The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according to
+immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the "wisest and
+weightiest" men of the community; that is to say, men with the oldest
+heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans
+Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time
+of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the
+kind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first
+spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his masthead, and all the
+world knows that the discovery of the mouth of the river gives prior right
+to all the lands drained by its waters.
+
+It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the
+Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on
+this embassy; men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whose
+presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: when
+it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
+his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that
+men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no
+alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife
+and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High
+Mightinesses on which they had squatted.
+
+In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no
+wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean
+Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no
+substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no
+jingling of money in their pockets; it is true they had longer heads than
+the Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were
+broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up
+by a double chin.
+
+The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of original
+discovery; according to the principle that he who first sees a new country
+has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran
+Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the
+identical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered the
+mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back
+in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the
+weather-gauge of the Yankees, but what was their dismay when the latter
+produced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with which he
+discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes: and so crooked
+that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river.
+This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the
+whole country bordering on the Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a
+mere Dutch squatting-place on their territories.
+
+I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at
+finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither
+will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the
+Manhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had been out-trumped
+by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of
+New Amsterdam.
+
+Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in
+a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary questions,
+when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by an
+appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right,
+and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise,
+or mutual concession--that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims,
+and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, and
+the whole is pronounced an equitable division, "perfectly honorable to
+both parties."
+
+The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up
+claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never seen,
+and all right to the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amsterdam,
+to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that
+the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had
+squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river.
+
+When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was
+in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no
+war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion; while
+the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the
+Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had
+been "fobbed off with."
+
+And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter,
+congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be
+harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded
+hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that
+disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such
+expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the
+paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which I solicit his
+serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter
+Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, by
+effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the
+province.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [40] Haz. Coll. Stat. Pap.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war was
+the original state of man, whom he described as being, primitively, a
+savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his
+own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by
+society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes;[41] nor have there
+been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it.
+
+For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so
+complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to
+take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,[42] that though war
+may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employment
+of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from
+being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and
+civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards
+that state of perfection which is the _ne plus ultra_ of modern
+philosophy.
+
+The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical
+force, unaided by auxiliary weapons--his arm was his buckler, his fist was
+his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle
+of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and
+clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement,
+as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more
+exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of
+murdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and
+to assault--the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart,
+and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the
+blow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic invention, he
+enlarges and heightens his powers of defense and injury. The aries, the
+scorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to
+war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still
+insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of
+destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even
+with the desires of revenge--still deeper researches must be made in the
+diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the
+earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals, and deadly salts--the sublime
+discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world; and finally, the dreadful
+art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with
+ubiquity and omnipotence!
+
+This, indeed, is grand!--this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and
+bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the
+animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves with
+the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts
+with his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the leopard,
+and the tiger, seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify
+their sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom,
+and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone,
+blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,
+enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates the
+tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in
+murdering his brother worm!
+
+In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art
+of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered, in
+this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most
+formidable engine of war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode
+of maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations.
+
+A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore, according
+to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is
+no longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, and
+to establish an equitable exchange of kind offices; but a contest of skill
+between two powers which shall overreach and take in the other it is a
+cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery of
+cabinets those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by
+force of arms; in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms
+and becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with
+cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized
+with open violence.
+
+In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of
+perfect amity is when a negotiation is open and a treaty pending. Then,
+when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the
+will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right
+implanted in our nature; when each party has some advantage to hope and
+expect from the other; then it is that the two nations are wonderfully
+gracious and friendly, their ministers professing the highest mutual
+regard, exchanging _billets-doux_, making fine speeches, and indulging in
+all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that
+do so marvelously tickle the good humor of the respective nations. Thus it
+may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding
+between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding--and that
+so long as they are on terms at all they are on the best terms in the
+world!
+
+I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above
+discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain
+enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories,
+privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentleman
+who has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of
+heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful
+ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting
+negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as ambassador some
+political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions,
+and dexterous in the art of baffling argument; or some blundering
+statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to
+ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so
+popular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors,
+between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character to
+establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and
+concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone,
+or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement,
+therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in consequence
+of which the negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is no
+prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays
+and obstacles but time; and in a negotiation, according to the theory I
+have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained; with what
+delightful paradoxes does modern political economy abound!
+
+Now all that I have here advanced, is so notoriously true, that I almost
+blush to take up the time of my readers, with treating of matters which
+must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to
+which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that though a
+negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a
+treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful
+sources of war.
+
+I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals
+that did not produce jealousies, bickerings and often downright ruptures
+between them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did
+not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country
+neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for
+years, have been thrown into a state of distrust, caviling, and animosity,
+by some ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray
+cattle! and how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have
+remained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have been
+brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of
+some treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of making
+their amity more sure!
+
+Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their
+fulfilment; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker party
+only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will
+wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby, and
+therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it have
+anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the
+righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong
+that it could not thrust the sword through; nay, I would hold ten to one
+the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to
+find a pretext for hostilities.
+
+Thus, therefore, I conclude--that though it is the best of all policies
+for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it
+is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty; for then
+comes on non-fulfillment and infraction, then remonstrance, then
+altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war.
+In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant
+speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses--but the marriage ceremony is
+the signal for hostilities.
+
+If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination of
+the foregoing passage, he will perceive at a glance that the great Peter,
+in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of
+lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be
+traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about
+fancied or pretended infringements of treaty stipulations; in all which
+the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the sides"
+of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they
+gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Mannahata, were so pitiful in
+their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the time
+spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires,
+would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is,
+therefore, to take it for granted--though I scorn to waste in the detail
+that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is
+invaluable--that all the while the great Peter was occupied in those
+tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a
+continued series of little, dirty, sniveling scourings, broils, and
+maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of
+Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don
+Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an
+historian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements of
+higher dignity; for at this moment I hear a direful and portentous note
+issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resounding
+throughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of
+Peter Stuyvesant; I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind him
+all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward
+with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be
+wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [41] Hobbes, Leviathan, part i., ch. 13.
+
+   [42]
+        "Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,
+        Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter,
+        Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque its porro
+        Pugnabaut armis, quae post fabricaverat usus."
+                    --Hor. _Sat._ lib. i. s. 3.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter
+Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced
+in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the
+Nederlanders were carrying on a trade "damnable and injurious to the
+colonists," in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther, and shott."
+This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy
+to have a snug cause of war _in petto_, in case any favorable opportunity
+should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands, the great
+object of Yankee ambition.
+
+Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of complaint had
+apparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with
+tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of Peter
+Stuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash,
+was proof against such missiles.
+
+To be explicit, we are told that, in the years 1651, the great confederacy
+of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of
+steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the
+Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise and massacre the
+Yankee settlements. "For," as the grand council observed, "the Indians
+round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of
+an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English,
+whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects."
+
+This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians,
+who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in
+the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been
+so many Christian troopers.
+
+Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the losel
+Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and
+his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a
+bloody nose in one of these border wars; and my grandfather, when a very
+little boy tending pigs, having been kidnaped and severely flogged by a
+long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster--yet I should have passed over all
+these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion--I could even have suffered
+them to have broken Everett Ducking's head; to have kicked the doughty
+Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors; to have carried
+every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of
+the earth with perfect impunity--but this wanton attack upon one of the
+most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much even
+for me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the
+historian and the forbearance of the Dutchman.
+
+Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false! If thou hast any
+respect to my word, if the undeviating character for veracity, which I
+have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight with
+thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledge
+my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant
+was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his
+right arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlasting
+flames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way than
+open, generous warfare. Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired to
+sully his honest name by such an imputation!
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight errant,
+had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of King
+Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble
+virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild
+flowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by
+Nature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken to
+refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his
+dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above board; if there was
+anything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning
+and secret wile; "straight forward" was his motto, and he at any time
+rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round
+it.
+
+Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration of him has on this
+occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the
+philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology that
+though a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of
+life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in the
+eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed
+thrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed
+escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyses every
+glow of enthusiasm.
+
+The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous
+charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the
+chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across
+the table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a
+proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with
+giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Christian, a
+soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot
+in question lied in his throat; to prove which he offered to meet the
+president of the council, or any of his compeers; or their champion,
+Captain Alexander Partridge, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat;
+wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm.
+
+This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Anthony Van
+Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day,
+sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of
+his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Anthony accomplished his
+mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered
+his missive with becoming ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of
+defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant
+and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridge, who nearly jumped
+out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonishment.
+
+The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put
+readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run
+a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the
+advantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in
+reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading; so they
+devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the "raw" which
+they had established.
+
+On receiving this answer, Anthony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare
+which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing
+himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet like a very
+devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut, resounded
+with the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to the windows as he
+passed through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all the other
+border towns; ogling and winking at the women, and making aerial
+windmills from the end of his nose at their husbands; and stopping
+occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country
+frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced exceedingly
+with his soul-stirring instrument.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the
+coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that "his confident
+denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little
+against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians;" that "his
+guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must still
+require and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with--"so we rest,
+sir--Yours in ways of righteousness."
+
+I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding
+himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round
+him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
+aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the
+council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and
+offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His
+offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to
+an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of
+high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the
+confederate plantations, where the matter might be investigated by his
+peers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity.
+
+While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one
+sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes two
+lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with
+saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who
+looked marvelously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from
+one county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth, though
+they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to
+suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthy
+Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut river.
+
+It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the grass
+grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the inn and
+deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of
+the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon
+pipe on the "stoop," or bench at the porch of his house, and announced
+themselves at once as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east
+to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him.
+
+The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a
+moment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they were
+proceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions; asking him,
+peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty; considering him
+something in the light of a culprit at the bar; when they were brought to
+a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his
+walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a
+crown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesant
+repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varlets
+from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn; then
+strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they
+should never again be admitted to his presence.
+
+The knowing commissioners winked to each other and made a certificate on
+the spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrogatories or
+to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the
+city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence,
+perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until they
+had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal
+tales, rumors, and calumnies; with these they mounted their Narraganset
+pacers, and travelled back to the grand council. Neither did the
+proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede
+their departure; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys;
+but I warrant me had they played the same tricks with William the Testy,
+he would have had them tucked up by the waistband, and treated to an
+aerial gambol on his patent gallows.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their
+envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everything
+went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the
+commissioners was construed into a consciousness of guilt. The contents of
+the satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council, and
+appeared a mountain of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, and
+declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious
+zealots who blow the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of
+politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. What was it to him if he
+should set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze?
+He was from the borders of Connecticut; his constituents lived by
+marauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers in
+Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its
+effect, and it was determined to set on foot an expedition against the
+Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure.
+Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for
+several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter
+Stuyvesant and his devoted city.
+
+This is the first we hear of the "drum ecclesiastic" beating up for
+recruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called into
+frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe;
+things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, like
+drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the
+simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust
+down his throat, labeled with a pious text from Scripture.
+
+And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes. It
+pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch,
+considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world for
+the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience: who were mere heretics
+and infidels, inasmuch as the refused to believe in witches and
+sea-serpents, and had, faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to the
+door; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were in
+perpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees, "Thou
+shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays."
+
+No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in
+the east, than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those
+economical rulers who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy
+is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and
+crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all
+diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence.
+
+Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were
+the militia laws, by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice
+a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God; and were put
+under the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinary
+occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men
+in the world, were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats on
+their heads and swords by their sides. Under the instructions of these
+periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled
+in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could
+march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without
+flinching; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right,
+wheel to the left, and fare without winking or blinking.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt
+gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops: however, he determined
+to give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general muster,
+inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona! what a turning-out was
+here! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his
+shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side; and Barent
+Dirkson, with something that looked like a copper kettle, turned upside
+down on his head, and a couple of old horse pistols in his belt; and Dirk
+Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a host
+more, armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snickersnees,
+crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the officers distinguished from the
+rest by having their slouched hats cocked up with pins and surmounted with
+cocktail feathers.
+
+The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect
+as a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bed
+soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manual
+exercise over and over again, trudged them backwards and forwards about
+the streets of New Amsterdam, until their short legs ached and their fat
+sides sweated again, and finally encamped them in the evening on the
+summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life,
+intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so
+it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and
+melted away the army, so that in the morning when Gaffer Phoebus shed his
+first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, excepting Peter
+Stuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van Corlear.
+
+This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of
+less nerve; but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the
+militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke--for he
+sometimes indulged in a joke--William the Testy's broken reed. He now took
+into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered,
+broad-bottomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom
+he boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least
+water-proof.
+
+He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across
+the island from river to river; and above all cast up mud batteries or
+redoubts on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom
+of the bay.
+
+These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun
+by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms
+and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their
+nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees,
+too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating the
+golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward
+which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of
+the town take their evening stroll, watching the silver moon beams as they
+trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of some
+gliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft vows of honest
+affection; for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of
+the marriages in New Amsterdam.
+
+Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The Battery, which, though
+ostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been consecrated
+to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy
+childhood--of many a tender assignation in riper years--of many a soothing
+walk in declining age--the healthful resort of the feeble invalid--the
+Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman--in fine, the ornament and
+delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and
+guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty
+pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of
+Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, at
+defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors
+of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag--otherwise called Weathersfield,
+famous for its onions and its witches--and of all the other border towns,
+were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting
+aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging of
+the fat little Dutch villages.
+
+In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the
+chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in
+this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant,
+the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of his
+defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carried
+conviction to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to
+believe him guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door.[43]
+
+The defection of so important a colony paralysed the councils of the
+league. Some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of yore
+in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade
+against the Manhattoes was abandoned.
+
+It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely disappointed;
+well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, by
+my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with
+all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes of Pyquag
+would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of
+Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and
+his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not have had the
+stomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander for
+a century to come.
+
+But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholy
+crusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about this time
+broke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft,
+which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a howling abomination
+could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it soon excited the fiery
+indignation of those guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evinced
+such active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The
+grand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime,
+and bloody laws were enacted against all "solem conversing or compacting
+with the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like."[44] Strict search,
+too, was made after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches;
+by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye; and
+by having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks!
+What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art,
+which has baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers,
+theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant,
+decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains
+than the broomsticks they rode upon.
+
+When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a
+panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever,
+and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bile
+is pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky
+cur in the street is in jeopardy; so in the present instance, whoever was
+troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched; and woe to any
+unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood.
+
+It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, "for every one
+of which," says the Reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the
+History of New England, "we have such a sufficient evidence, that no
+reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; and it will
+be unreasonable to do it in any other."[45]
+
+Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, gent.,
+furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. "There are none,"
+observes he, "that beg in this country, but there be witches too
+many--bottle-bellied witches and others, that produce many strange
+apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with
+women--and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; the
+ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden," etc.
+
+The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not
+more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the
+most solemn, persuasive and affectionate manner, to confess themselves
+guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion, and the entertainment of
+the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their
+innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate
+punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they
+were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their
+judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that
+were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed any
+evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced
+judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly
+satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them;
+but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, to
+quiet those praying quidnuncs who should come after them--in short, the
+world must be satisfied. Oh, the world! the world! all the world knows the
+world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges,
+therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting and making
+evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly
+understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that it
+may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of
+the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that
+should come after them.
+
+Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly
+entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the
+more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the
+truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the
+roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even
+carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture,
+protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as
+thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders
+only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in
+the flames.
+
+In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by
+stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being
+the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a
+demon by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measures
+equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The
+witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-stuck, and in a little while
+there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; which
+is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome.
+Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually
+recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches,
+which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatism, ciatics,
+and lumbagos; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of
+the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus
+pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a
+penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto
+this day, in their characters; witches occasionally start up among them in
+different disguises, as physicians, civilians and divines. The people at
+large show a keenness, a cleverness and a profundity of wisdom, that
+savors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that whenever any
+stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into
+New England.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [43] Hazard's State Papers.
+
+   [44] New Plymouth Record.
+
+   [45] Mather's Hist. New Eng. b. vi. ch. 7.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good
+St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which
+broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which
+filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness.
+
+A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the
+east; the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds
+of rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent
+glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heard
+in solitary places, and the border towns were so occupied in detecting and
+punishing losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was suspended,
+and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten.
+
+I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was some danger of
+this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and certain
+witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in
+the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthy
+Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, which
+it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of
+the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day on
+ancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of the patriarchs;
+nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch
+yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and
+Yankees out of the country.
+
+And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend from
+the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern
+frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting
+Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of
+the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations of
+that veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jensen
+Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes,
+Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command
+of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to
+great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories
+speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and
+his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees.
+In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more
+kicks, in a certain honorable part, than any of his comrades; in
+consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had been
+promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and
+suffered in his country's cause.
+
+It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses into
+some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others, of
+intellectual silver; while others are intellectually furnished with iron
+and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it would
+seem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass
+enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to pass
+off upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the little governor would
+sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left
+those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the
+Dragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to
+the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his
+station by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, always styling himself
+Commander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sober
+truth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing,
+bottle-bruising ragamuffins.
+
+In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did his
+bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigious
+conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of
+wind given by AEolus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabond
+warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration of
+Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William
+the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled an
+admirable trumpeter.
+
+As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of
+the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon
+the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character,
+being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that
+he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within.
+He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a
+fishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through
+his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of
+well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out
+of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a
+lobster.
+
+I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
+warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
+accoutred cap-a-pie--booted to the middle--sashed to the chin--collared to
+the ears--whiskered to the teeth--crowned with an overshadowing cocked
+hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed
+a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he
+strutted about, as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of
+More Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For what
+says the ballad?
+
+    "Had you but seen him in this dress,
+      How fierce he looked and how big,
+    You would have thought him for to be
+      Some Egyptian porcupig.
+    He frighted all--cats, dogs, and all,
+      Each cow, each horse, and each hog;
+    For fear did flee, for they took him to be
+      Some strange outlandish hedgehog."[46]
+
+I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, was
+not exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremost
+in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter,
+who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military
+notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving
+his right to his dignities.
+
+To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troops
+destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he departed from
+his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his
+undaunted march through savage deserts over insurmountable mountains,
+across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering
+vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than did
+Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches with a dubious
+screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlear
+repeated these contents in the streets and market-places with an
+appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the
+general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam.
+
+On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect a
+fortress, or stronghold, on the South of Delaware river. At first he
+bethought him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, a
+lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military
+commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be
+studded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men; in
+the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly
+degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is
+said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his excellency.
+
+As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may be
+worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was
+the germ of the present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properly
+speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises.
+
+His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to
+behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and out
+a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and
+on that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals,
+on the top of the ramparts, like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and
+vaporing on the top of a dovecote.
+
+There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unruly
+in the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, compelling them to box-lobby
+brawls and brokenheaded quarrels, unless there can be found some more
+harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delectable romance of
+Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did
+incontinently gallop into an adjacent forest, and belabor the trees with
+such might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence
+of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent
+and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the
+commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot
+within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him most
+lustily with his sabre; decapitating cabbages by platoons; hewing down
+lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes; and if, perchance, he
+espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, "Ah!
+caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I caught ye at last?" So saying,
+with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from
+their chins to their waist-bands; by which warlike havoc, his choler being
+in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full
+conviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess.
+
+He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky
+soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade;
+or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one
+day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his
+melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding
+with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe; he
+therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both
+officers and men throughout the garrison.
+
+Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named
+Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not a
+little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queue
+like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that
+his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to
+the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor
+of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning
+it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest
+of veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums--swore he would
+break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail--queued it
+stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the
+tail of a crocodile.
+
+The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the
+utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer
+not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and
+good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, the consequent safety of
+the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their
+High Mightinesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded the
+docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old
+Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the
+whole garrison--the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive-whereupon
+he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and
+all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with
+a "videlicet, in wearing an eelskin queue, three feet long, contrary to
+orders." Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and the
+whole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is
+well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting
+pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran
+would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of
+a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification--and deserted from all
+earthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained
+unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be
+carried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out of a hole in his
+coffin.
+
+This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as a
+disciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to
+bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrum
+of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump,
+his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [46] Ballad of Dragon of Wantley.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK VI._
+
+CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS
+GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the
+administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
+peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the
+war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note,
+and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
+troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose--from golden visions
+and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet "piping time of peace," he
+sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in Beauty's siren lap
+reclined he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwines
+with flowers his shining sword nor through the livelong lazy summer's day
+chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns
+the amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and
+clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where
+late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears
+the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield, and shakes
+the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns
+for deeds of glorious chivalry.
+
+But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any _preux
+chevalier_, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New
+Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic
+writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing
+aspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and
+such-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance
+they had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunning
+statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a
+Caesar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical
+flourish is this: that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found
+it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its
+scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in
+which his mighty soul so much delighted.
+
+Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination; or rather, I
+behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs in the family mansion of the
+Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His
+regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of
+large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin; the
+voluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly
+behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored
+trunk-breeches, a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our
+day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who
+scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceeding
+terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair strutting out
+on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail
+queue below his waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting his
+chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fiery
+air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the
+Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his
+solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little in
+advance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a
+gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword, his head
+dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored
+frown upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most commanding,
+bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas.
+Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation.
+
+In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir,
+and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages,
+sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword.
+Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold of
+Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of New
+Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy
+of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir; for Master David
+Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as
+"weighing upwards of four hundred pounds," a huge feeder, and bouser in
+proportion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. He had a
+garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, guzzling, deep-drinking
+swashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals.
+
+No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort
+Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the
+land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction.
+
+To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to their
+High Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives as
+discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land
+measurer, Ten Broeck.
+
+To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by
+the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoat
+government of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortal
+that wore a breeches who should dare to meddle even with the hem of her
+sacred garment.
+
+I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some time
+by these windy commanders; Van-Poffenburgh, however, had served under
+William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor
+Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, now
+determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly he descended the
+river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one
+Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of Helsenburg.
+
+And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty
+commanders, striving to outstrut and outswell each other, like a couple of
+belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the
+tallest flag-staff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was a
+furious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress, and,
+whichever had the wind in its favor, would keep up a continual firing of
+cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gunpowder.
+
+On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;
+but so it happened that the Swedish fortress being lower down the river,
+all the Dutch vessels, bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to pass
+it. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, and
+compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of his
+battery.
+
+This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, and
+sorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld the
+flag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten
+his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a huge
+trencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every Dutch
+merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all the
+little round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, the
+sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutch
+luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he
+may have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their commodities,
+but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison,
+who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and diverted into the
+larders of the hostile camps? For some time this war of the cupboard was
+carried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, while
+the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs,
+daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in,
+and now, lo and behold! a great miracle was wrought for the relief of the
+Nederlands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of Egypt; for it
+came to pass that a great cloud of mosquitos arose out of the marshy
+borders of the river, and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, being
+doubtless attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the Swedish
+gormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which was
+as big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufficient to
+attract the mosquito from every part of the country. For some time the
+garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain; the mosquitos
+penetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor
+night; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with
+mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of his
+nose. Finally, the garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, and
+obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitos
+followed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of the
+country; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterward, and Jan
+Claudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead.
+
+Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, of which General Van
+Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of the
+Nieuw-Nederlands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the
+miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg,
+it fell to ruin, but the story of its strange destruction was perpetuated
+by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle.[47]
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [47] Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this
+        miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N.Y. Hist. Col., new
+        series, vol. i., p. 412.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms
+largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been
+rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a
+Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal, as
+crafty as he was rapacious, so that there is very little doubt that, had
+he lived some four or five centuries since, he would have figured as one
+of those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautiful
+princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and
+locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen,
+or any other convenience. In consequence of which enormities they fell
+under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant
+knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they
+might happen to find above six feet high; which is doubtless one reason
+why the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter
+ages are so exceedingly small.
+
+Governor Risingh, not withstanding his giantly condition, was, as I have
+hinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of General
+Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On the
+contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir,
+displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The
+salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been
+dismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been napping at his
+post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by
+discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade.
+Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the
+fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be
+marvelously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them so
+many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land with a
+military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilderness.
+
+And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to
+receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing
+appearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to
+the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty,
+by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in a
+little man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirts
+scarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of the
+sleeves; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair
+of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head,
+and decorated with a bunch of cocks' tails; a third had a pair of rusty
+gaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-legged
+fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which
+he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. The
+rest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamuffins without
+shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them; wherefore
+they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that they
+might not disgrace the fortress.
+
+His men being thus gallantly arrayed--those who lacked muskets
+shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in
+his shirttail and pull up his brogues--General Van Poffenburgh first took
+a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More, of
+More Hall,[48] was his invariable practice on all great occasions; this
+done, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his castle like
+a mighty giant just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met,
+then began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. The
+shrewd Risingh, who had grown grey much before his time, in consequence
+of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van
+Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies.
+
+Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other, they
+carried arms and they presented arms, they gave the standing salute and
+the passing salute, they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes,
+and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to the
+right, and they faced to the right about; they wheeled forward, and they
+wheeled backward, and they wheeled into echelon; they marched and they
+countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by
+subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, in
+slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the
+evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of
+Dundas; having exhausted all that they could recollect or image of
+military tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the
+like of which were never seen before or since, excepting among certain of
+our newly-raised militia, the two commanders and their respective troops
+came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war.
+Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatric
+heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other
+heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged,
+heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.
+
+These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgh
+escorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort,
+attended him throughout the fortifications, showed him the horn-works,
+crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places
+where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he
+pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of "great capability,"
+and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a
+formidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole
+garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and concluded by
+ordering the three Bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole,
+brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of his
+visitors, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian.
+
+The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with
+the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
+incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trusty
+followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperously
+in their sleeves.
+
+The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned
+to the table; for, among his other great qualities, the general was
+remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign
+would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole
+course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless
+victories do still remain on record, and the whole province was once
+thrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was
+stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back
+him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly
+annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand
+cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty
+kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five
+pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron,
+besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff: an
+achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his
+all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let Van
+Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little
+while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.
+
+No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit of
+Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and
+privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans to rob
+all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigstyes under
+contribution: a service which they discharged with such zeal and
+promptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their
+spoils.
+
+I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van
+Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet: it was a sight
+worth beholding: there he sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by his
+soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues
+he did most ably imitate, telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth
+adventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his auditors knew
+them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they cast
+up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment.
+Nor could the general pronounce anything that bore the remotest
+resemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist
+upon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in the
+chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it was
+the best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and
+hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh
+ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and his
+whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain,
+dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic
+toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in
+Chancery.
+
+No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, who
+had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them
+neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all its
+dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at
+the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be
+made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications in
+order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schute, otherwise
+called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command,
+and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its
+puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore
+no little resemblance to a "deboshed fish," or bloated sea-monster, caught
+upon dry land.
+
+The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of
+intelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted in
+his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter
+Stuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as did
+whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the
+Turks.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [48]
+              "As soon as he rose,
+          To make him strong and mighty,
+        He drank by the tale, six pots of ale,
+          And a quart of aqua vitae."
+
+                    _Dragon of Wantley._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager
+sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine
+qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety
+to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting
+after secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly
+and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but
+whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded
+in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' end to find it out, and
+takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the
+world.
+
+It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to be
+prying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate
+chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthy
+congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen
+excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so
+baneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders--such a
+stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions; betraying
+them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by
+any but a female head.
+
+Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the
+cunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison he should for a
+long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the
+gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least
+expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of
+enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.
+
+This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the
+garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be
+self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about
+the world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the
+skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison and
+country village has one or more scapegoats of this kind, whose life is a
+kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord
+knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no
+other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of
+idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood
+in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and cast
+of countenance, but more especially by his propensities and habits. He was
+a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was generally
+equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. His
+hair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a little
+to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian
+mixture, are half civilized, half savage, and half devil--a third half
+being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar
+reasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky
+are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the settlers on the
+Mississippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence.
+
+The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as
+applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk.
+Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one--was an utter enemy to
+work, holding it in no manner of estimation--but lounging about the fort,
+depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could
+get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or
+two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors;
+which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled
+not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented.
+Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from
+the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time; skulking about the
+woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in
+ambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catching
+fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable
+bird of the crane family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his crimes
+had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a
+bundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and
+would exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcase,
+he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that
+swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in
+the country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he would
+make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole
+neighborhood at his heels; like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in
+his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; and
+from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and
+from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have
+dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh.
+
+When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave
+Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to
+room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound whom nobody
+noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people,
+his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he
+overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his
+own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the
+perfect jack-of-both-sides--that is to say, he made a prize of everything
+that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked
+hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of
+Risingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels, just before
+the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison.
+
+Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he
+directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had
+formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of
+misfortune in business--that is to say, having been detected in the act of
+sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through
+swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a world
+of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a
+backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank
+as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled
+over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to Governor
+Stuyvesant, and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole
+course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair.
+
+On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his
+seat--dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the
+chimney--thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek--pulled
+up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was
+customary with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But, as
+I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing.
+His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump
+upstairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his armory, from whence he
+drew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the preceding
+chapter. In these portentous habiliment she arrayed himself, like Achilles
+in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence,
+knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth.
+Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor, and jerked down
+his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended;
+but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as
+his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron
+visage; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five
+long weeks; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon
+be warm work in the province!
+
+Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his
+very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put
+himself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Van Corlear hither and
+thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked
+lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to
+assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters,
+according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle,
+shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and
+stumping up and downstairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant
+motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times,
+the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper
+hooping a flour-barrel.
+
+A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not
+to be trifled with; the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber,
+seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their long
+pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his excellency and his
+regimentals; being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered,
+nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with a
+lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his
+sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner,
+addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue.
+
+I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides,
+Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told,
+with the speeches of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the most
+accurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled wonderfully
+to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains
+of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly
+pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold,
+however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his
+rugged subject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of
+phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to
+shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in
+very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his
+determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these
+costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this
+hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usual
+signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the
+middle of the harangue (their "usual custom in the afternoon"), they made
+not the least objection.
+
+And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and
+preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither,
+calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of
+the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day,
+and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for I
+would have you note that you warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of
+conquerors are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are
+equal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the halberds or the
+whipping-post, for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die whether they
+shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall,
+at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen.
+
+But, not withstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of
+honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of
+New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that
+home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great
+Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war, and sweet revenge,
+determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily
+citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up
+among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky,
+delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous
+expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty
+squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly
+victualed; which being performed, he attended public service at the great
+church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and then leaving
+peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes
+marshaled out and appointed against his return, departed upon his
+recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of
+nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific
+warmth, when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless
+Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the
+fair island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked was
+sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which
+fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the
+stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight,
+after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with
+periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers
+the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the
+matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer,
+unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and
+discolorers of canvas.
+
+Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the
+Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom
+of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean,
+seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the
+illustrious burden it sustained.
+
+But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the
+contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this
+degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this
+mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark
+forest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sail
+of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here
+and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the
+mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent
+atmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage
+children, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as
+faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure
+vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice,
+the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it
+passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away
+into the thickets of the forest.
+
+Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now
+did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which sprang up
+like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were
+fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty
+spirit of Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes
+of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan
+Bay, whose wide extended shores present a variety of delectable scenery;
+here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into
+the bay; there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich
+luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, while at a distance,
+a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the
+water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening
+among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection
+into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural
+paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties; the velvet-tufted
+lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh
+and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village,
+or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter.
+
+The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning
+magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial
+sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills,
+and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while along the
+borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight
+caitiffs, disturbed at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in
+sullen reluctance upon the mountains. As such times all was brightness,
+and life, and gayety; the atmosphere was of an indescribable pureness and
+transparency; the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the
+freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the
+sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the
+earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and
+magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; the
+seamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that
+involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the
+rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled
+mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens; excepting that now
+and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted
+savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering ray
+of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains.
+
+But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did
+the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy
+heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are
+inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just
+served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery.
+The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern, in the broad
+masses of shade, the separating line between the land and water, or to
+distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the
+busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious
+craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks
+frowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers, and high
+embattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and
+the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand
+shadowy beings.
+
+Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of
+insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert;
+while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will,
+who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his
+incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened
+with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely
+echoed from the shore--now and then startled, perchance, by the whoop of
+some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth
+upon his nightly prowlings.
+
+Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those
+awful defiles denominated the Highlands, where it would seem that the
+gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up
+cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But
+in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capped mountains.
+These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes,
+formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho
+confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in
+adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous
+rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, in
+its career toward the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its
+tide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins.
+
+Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these it
+is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound
+throughout these awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angry
+clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when
+the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the
+thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled
+spirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their hideous uproar; for
+at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning
+once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable
+captivity.
+
+But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant
+Stuyvesant; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud
+anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble
+their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the
+helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or
+to come; those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking under
+the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who,
+seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history of
+those myriads of fireflies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the
+dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race
+of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before
+the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called
+brimstones; and who, for their innumerable sins against the children of
+men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to
+infest the earth in the shade of these threatening and terrible little
+bugs; enduring the internal torments of that fire, which they formerly
+carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are
+sentenced to bear about for ever--in their tails!
+
+And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will
+hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a
+word in this whole history--for nothing which it contains is more true. It
+must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very
+lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of
+Golconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious
+stones, the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus
+grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened,
+that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his
+burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley,
+contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the
+illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendor from behind a high bluff of
+the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the
+refulgent nose of the sounder of brass; the reflection of which shot
+straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty
+sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster being with
+infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the
+crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound,
+where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was the
+first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in those parts by Christian
+people.[49]
+
+When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant,
+and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed,
+marveled exceedingly: and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of
+Antony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it has
+continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time.
+
+But hold, whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany
+the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; for
+never was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a river
+so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally
+recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew
+were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by a
+gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock,
+which projected into the river, and which is called the Duyvel's
+Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes
+thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring.
+
+Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these
+fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the
+charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy
+childhood--recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments
+which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless Time!
+shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before
+thee?--hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run
+ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes.
+
+Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal
+crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt,
+will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great
+city of New Amsterdam.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [49] The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about
+        Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the
+        settlement thereof, says, "There is in the river great plenty of
+        sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians
+        eat them greedily."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the
+shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch
+settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors
+was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable
+fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly
+particular; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host
+that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present
+denominated the Bowling Green.
+
+In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the
+manhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the
+lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;
+they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being
+the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the
+amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.[50]
+
+On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer,
+Michael Paw[51], who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia,
+and the lands away south, even unto the Navesink Mountains,[52] and was,
+moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty
+squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a
+sea-green field, being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis,
+Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily
+armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, and
+overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their
+hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of
+Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled to
+have sprung from oysters.
+
+At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the
+neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams and the
+Van Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken; they were
+terrible looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that
+curious colored cloth called thunder and lightning, and bore as a standard
+three devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field.
+
+Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the
+Waale-Boght[53] and the country thereabouts; these were of a sour aspect,
+by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were
+the first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood, called
+Flymarket shirks; and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the
+far-famed step in dancing, called "double trouble." They were commanded by
+the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, a jolly band of
+Breuckelen[54] ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells.
+
+But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to
+describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and
+sundry other places, well known in history and song--for now do the notes
+of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar from
+beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while
+relieved; for, lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognized
+the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter
+Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at the
+head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the
+Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces,
+as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the
+head of Wall Street.
+
+First of all came the Van Brummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of
+the Bronx: these were short fat men, wearing exceeding large
+trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher; they were the
+first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched
+the Van Vlotens, or Kaats-kill, horrible quavers of new cider, and arrant
+braggarts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus,
+dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus
+breed; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the
+word Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'
+nests, as their name denotes; to these, if report may be believed, are we
+indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van
+Higginbottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferrules and
+birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the
+marvelous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect.
+Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair
+round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their
+canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson and
+thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats: such as robbing
+water-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and
+by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails; these were the ancestors of
+the renowned congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing,
+great choristers and players upon the jewsharp; these marched two and two,
+singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens of Sleepy
+Hollow; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first
+discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint
+bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the
+Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for
+their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of
+Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the left
+foot; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons by
+moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and
+noted for running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns; they
+were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the
+Knickerbockers, of the great town of Schaghtikoke, where the folk lay
+stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away.
+These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, a
+goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but,
+in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken, books; plainly
+meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books; from them did
+descend the writer of this history.
+
+Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand
+gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of many
+more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten
+to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial
+pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of
+warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his
+much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir.
+
+But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will be
+found in the sequel of this faithful history, let us pause to notice the
+fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the
+armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of
+human nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable
+discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set
+afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality
+a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that he had long
+been in the practice of privately communicating with the Swedes; together
+with divers hints about "secret service money." To all which deadly
+charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve.
+
+Certain it is that the general vindicated his character by the most
+vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
+honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
+Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers
+at his heels--sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and
+who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice--heroes of
+his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking
+swaggerers--not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox,
+and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all his
+quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man
+that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him
+alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns,
+and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering
+execration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery.
+
+All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
+certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, of
+unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he was
+continually protesting on the honor of a soldier--a marvelously
+high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so
+far as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue of
+plaster of Paris.
+
+But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending
+privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard
+all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations,
+and ejaculations--"Harkee, comrade," cried he, "though by your own
+account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole
+province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced,
+and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a
+man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally
+innocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless for
+some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your
+innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I
+cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise,
+nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust.
+Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public
+life, with this comforting reflection--that if guilty, you are but
+enjoying your just reward--and if innocent, you are not the first great
+and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this
+wicked world--doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where
+there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime,
+let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the
+countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself."
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [50] This was likewise a great seal of the New Netherlands, as
+        may still be seen in ancient records.
+
+   [51] Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found
+        mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript,
+        which says, "De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch
+        subject, about 10th Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island.
+        N.B.--The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch call a colonie at
+        Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York: and his
+        overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the
+        same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at
+        Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst."
+
+   [52] So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited
+        these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the
+        Neversink, or Neversunk, mountains.
+
+   [53] Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the
+        navy-yard is situated.
+
+   [54] Now spelt Brooklyn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a
+confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into it
+is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all
+differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end
+of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I
+have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I
+warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son of
+a Dutchman; for I scarcely ever gave them a civil word, nor so much as
+touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged
+along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax,
+to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse,
+until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of
+regard for them. This is just my way--I am always a little cold and
+reserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care for
+and am only to be completely won by long intimacy.
+
+Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do
+acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were
+merely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the title
+page walked off without saying a word; while others lingered yawningly
+through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity,
+soon dropped off one by one, but more especially to try their mettle, I
+had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was used
+by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who, before he admitted
+any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself
+superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps,
+slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a
+word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did
+I cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty
+chapters, where they were most woefully belabored and buffeted by a host
+of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave
+man, yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter
+confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead
+(asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the
+first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they
+had fairly run it out of sight; when they stopped to take breath, to tell
+their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others
+from venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks
+more and more; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a
+comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered
+condition, through the five introductory chapters.
+
+What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted
+recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No--no; I reserved my
+friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me
+company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to
+those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand.
+Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades! who have
+faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings--I salute you
+from my heart--I pledge myself to stand by you to the last; and to conduct
+you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my
+fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking.
+
+But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a
+bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking
+their tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin to
+resound with portentous clangour--the drums beat--the standards of the
+Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw wave proudly in the air. And
+now behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of
+yon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops which are to waft the
+army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!
+
+The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to
+behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous
+to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, many a
+fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The
+grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada could not have
+been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of
+Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam
+on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick maiden fondly
+crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts; many a
+copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of
+eternal constancy: and there remain extant to this day some love verses
+written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible to
+confound the whole universe.
+
+But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses how they hung about the
+doughty Antony Van Corlear; for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty
+bachelor, fond of his joke, and withall a desperate rogue among the women.
+Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away, for
+besides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add that he
+was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting
+disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands; and this made him
+to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing
+could keep the valiant Antony from following the heels of the old
+governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul: so embracing all the
+young vrouws, and giving every one of them, that had good teeth and rosy
+lips, a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes.
+
+Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of
+public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the
+follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had
+become strangely popular among the people. There is something so
+captivating in personal bravery that, with the common mass of mankind, it
+takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdam
+looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that
+trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and
+admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell
+about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children
+of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and
+exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of
+old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, Old Put) during our
+glorious revolution.
+
+Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for
+Beelzebub himself; and there was even a story told, with great mystery,
+and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one
+dark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate; but this
+I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let
+fall a drop to discolor the pure stream of history!
+
+Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered Peter
+Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public
+welfare was secure, so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising,
+then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy
+hearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the
+riverside to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner gave a
+short but truly patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he
+recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects--to go to
+church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week
+besides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their
+husbands--looking after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing all
+gossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short tongues and long
+petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public
+concerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed to
+support them--staying at home, like good citizens, making money for
+themselves, and getting children for the benefit of the country. That the
+burgomasters should look well to the public interest--not oppressing the
+poor nor indulging the rich--not tasking their ingenuity to devise new
+laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made--rather
+bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it; ever
+recollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as
+guardians of public morals than ratcatchers, employed to entrap public
+delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich
+and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them that
+if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule,
+there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well
+enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthony
+sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a
+shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down the
+bay.
+
+The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery--that blest
+resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a
+fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel,
+after the lessening barque, bearing her adventurous swain to distant
+climes! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant
+squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land
+at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent
+tongues and downcast countenances.
+
+A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city; the honest burghers smoked
+their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to the
+weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old women, having
+no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their
+children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sun
+down.
+
+In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on
+its voyage, and after encountering about as many storms, and waterspouts,
+and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally befall
+adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind; and after undergoing
+a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady, called
+sea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware.
+
+Without so much as dropping anchor, and giving his wearied ships time to
+breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued
+his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort
+Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from
+the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of
+thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte,
+the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by
+reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a
+broken bellows--"that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except
+that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to
+maintain his post to the last extremity." He requested time, therefore, to
+consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose.
+
+The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously
+taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed
+armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred
+fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten
+minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run
+the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled
+shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty
+sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that
+doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened
+terror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men to
+bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three
+muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two braces of horse-pistols.
+
+In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshaled all his forces, and
+commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very
+Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet--the lusty
+choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle--the
+warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astounding
+blast on their conch shells, altogether forming as outrageous a concerto
+as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a
+modern overture.
+
+Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the
+garrison with sore dismay--or whether the concluding terms of the summons,
+which mentioned that he should surrender "at discretion," were mistaken by
+Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered
+man, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say;
+certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand.
+Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone
+after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the
+rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of
+both parties; who, not withstanding their great stomach for fighting, had
+full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black
+eyes and bloody noses.
+
+Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of
+their High Mightinesses; Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were
+allowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter, who
+was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their
+arms and ammunition--the same on inspection being found totally unfit for
+service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before
+it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I must
+not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service
+of his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great
+fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the
+vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto
+this very day.
+
+The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedes
+occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam; nay, certain
+factious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings in
+the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their
+meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened by
+his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard
+in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no knowing
+whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and
+invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-stick
+to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of
+his counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after
+held their peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful
+of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold
+quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his
+projecting eyes rolled greedily round, devouring everything at table; so
+did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for martial glory,
+which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir,
+and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner,
+therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on,
+flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.[55]
+
+This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it
+is improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that crafty
+governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider in
+the citadel of his web.
+
+But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting
+of two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and
+hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into
+precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the
+general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged
+the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by
+animating harangues; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of
+the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the
+prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and
+enlist the passions of his readers; and having set them all on fire with
+the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head,
+flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight.
+
+An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of
+historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of
+the Peloponnesian War, one of his commentators observes that "he sounds
+that charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the
+allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our
+attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to
+be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is
+interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor
+with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out.
+Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states;
+and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great
+and noble method."
+
+In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril:
+having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions,
+surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at this
+important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter,
+I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are
+to follow.
+
+And here I would premise one great advantage, which, as historian, I
+possess over my reader; and this it is, that though I cannot save the life
+of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both
+which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present
+reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can
+now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient
+to fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything
+of the kind; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the
+field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon
+round the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered one
+another in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to
+make the most humble apology.
+
+I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out, "foul
+play!" whenever I render a little assistance to my hero; but I consider it
+one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which
+has never been disputed. An historian is in fact, as it were, bound in
+honor to stand by his hero--the fame of the latter is intrusted to his
+hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a
+general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving an account of
+any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I have no
+doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements,
+they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount.
+Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to
+do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen
+to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their
+descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take
+fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please.
+
+Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath long
+itched for a battle--siege after siege have I carried on without blows or
+bloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and
+St. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please,
+neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian did ever
+record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now
+about to engage.
+
+And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I
+could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy--trust the
+fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me; for by the rood, come what may,
+I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about these
+losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant
+Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight
+another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly
+Swedes pay for it.
+
+No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Forth Christina, than he
+proceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on running
+his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress
+to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked
+at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and
+onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were
+here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor
+Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man,
+and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a
+leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off
+with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of
+foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the
+Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself
+with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to
+make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the
+grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the
+grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his most
+hard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder,
+with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the
+glass.
+
+This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and
+demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few
+words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his
+excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a
+recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding
+with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turned
+aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous
+blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it had
+doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that
+melodious instrument.
+
+Governor Risingh heard him through trumpet and all, but with infinite
+impatience; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of
+his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping
+his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter
+Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d----, whither he hoped to send
+him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing his
+brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, "'Fore gad," quoth he,
+"but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scabbard of the
+smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a
+fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his
+messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal, with all the
+ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador, of so
+great a commander; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed
+with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message.
+
+No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he let
+fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly
+have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder magazine
+about the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been remarkably
+strong, and the magazine bomb proof. Perceiving that the works withstood
+this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible, as it really was
+in those unphilosophic days, to carry on a war with words, he ordered his
+merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange
+murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van
+Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to
+man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For
+once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale; for he
+verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous
+trial, and thus to tarnish forever the fame of the province of New
+Netherlands.
+
+But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he
+deeply wronged this most undaunted army; for the cause of this agitation
+and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it
+would almost have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to
+have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it
+was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full
+stomach, and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that
+they came to be so renowned in arms.
+
+And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty
+comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the
+contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their
+canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be the
+last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise
+my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to
+a close; giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken of
+this armistice to surprise, or in anywise molest the honest Nederlanders
+while at their vigorous repast.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [55] At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or
+        Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the
+        post road to Baltimore.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+"Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast," and finding themselves
+wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field.
+Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation now
+stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still,
+that it might witness the affray, like a round-bellied alderman watching
+the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all
+mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Cristina. The sun,
+like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the
+heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep
+between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The
+historians filled their inkhorns; the poets went without their dinners,
+either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could
+not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave to see
+itself outdone; while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy
+of retrospection on the eventful field.
+
+The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the "affair" of Troy,
+now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or
+mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a
+finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith
+to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her
+chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull
+paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a
+sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully Mars stuck two
+horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly
+swaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged in
+their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune.
+
+On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes
+over night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her
+haughty beauties on a baggage wagon; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler,
+tacked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in
+exceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language), by way of
+keeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while Vulcan halted as a
+club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All
+was silent awe or bustling preparation, war reared his horrid front,
+gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling
+bayonets.
+
+And now the mighty chieftains marshaled out their hosts. Here stood stout
+Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, incrusted with stockades and in
+trenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the
+breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and
+his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the
+ramparts like a grisly death's head.
+
+There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists
+clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire
+that raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudged
+valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and
+yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes.
+Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the
+Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van Nesses, the Van
+Tassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van
+Blarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams; the Van Pelts, the
+Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks,
+the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van
+Bummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander
+Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles; there came the Hoffmans,
+the Hooglands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the
+Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks,
+the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the
+Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the
+Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten
+Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose
+names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would
+be impossible for man to utter--all fortified with a mighty dinner, and,
+to use the words of a great Dutch poet,
+
+    "Brimful of wrath and cabbage."
+
+For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and
+mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting
+them to fight like _duyvels_, and assuring them that if they conquered,
+they should get plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed the
+satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of
+their country; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed
+in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other
+great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore
+to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it
+for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or
+playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it
+like a snake in spring time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he
+brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a
+charge, and shouting the words, "St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes!"
+courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the
+interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths,
+gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke.
+
+The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until
+they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in
+horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended
+the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that the
+very hills quaked around, and were terrified even into an incontinence of
+water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which
+continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have
+bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minerva
+kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual
+custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads at the moment
+of discharge.
+
+The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling
+tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen
+prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy
+Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff like the giant Blanderon
+his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a
+horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the
+Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore,
+and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so
+justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of
+Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great song
+of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on a
+marauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches.
+
+In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Anthony's Nose,
+struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in
+a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So
+also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with
+the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of
+the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout
+but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the
+Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I
+omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a
+good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish
+drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would
+infallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that he had come into the
+battle with no other weapon but his trumpet.
+
+But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and
+the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts of
+Esopus, together with the Van Riepers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all
+before them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with
+many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in
+their thunder and lightning gaberdines; and, lastly, the standard-bearers
+and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the
+Manhattoes.
+
+And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening
+ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment of
+war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The
+heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;
+whack! went the broad-swords! thump! went the cudgels; crash! went the
+musket-strocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody
+noses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack,
+helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and
+tumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and splutter!
+cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the
+mine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trumpet of Antony
+Van Corlear, until all voice and sound became unintelligible; grunts of
+pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor.
+The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast,
+and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits; and
+even Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in
+breathless terror!
+
+Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by
+the "cloud-compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth
+a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but
+pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at
+this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling
+toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in
+mute astonishment until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the
+flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiant
+chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed
+Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who
+had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These
+now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor,
+so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marching
+exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt.
+
+And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders,
+having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavern
+to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had
+well-night ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the
+front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh,
+levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this
+assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous
+warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants, broke through
+the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the
+surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw
+was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sterned
+fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear, and applying their feet _a
+parte poste_ of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that
+prodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the renowned Michael Paw
+himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of
+shoe leather.
+
+But what, O Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw
+his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar,
+enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new
+courage at the sound; or rather, they rallied at the voice of their
+leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in
+Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword
+in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements
+worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank
+before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs,
+into the own ditch; but, as he pushed forward singly with headlong
+courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow
+full at his heart; but the protecting power which watches over the great
+and the good turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a side
+pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the
+shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing the
+portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an
+angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurable
+queue, "Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, "here's what shall make
+worms' meat of thee!" So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow
+that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck
+short, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At this moment an
+arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim;
+but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter,
+seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows,
+who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming
+from the touch-hole.
+
+Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the field from
+the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and
+kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering a
+thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such
+thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he
+strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans.
+
+When the rival heroes came face to face, each made prodigious start, in
+the style of a veteran stage champion. Then did they regard each other for
+a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a
+clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then
+into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right
+side, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity.
+Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this
+direful encounter--an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of
+Ajax with Hector, of Aeneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of
+Warwick and Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen
+of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and
+holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his
+opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very
+chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly,
+that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he
+carried his liquor: thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a
+deep coat pocket, stored with bread and cheese which provant rolling among
+the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and
+Dutchmen, and made the general battle wax ten times more furious than
+ever.
+
+Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh,
+collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest.
+In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting
+steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the
+crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the
+brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet,
+shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage.
+
+The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes, beheld a
+thousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; at
+length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on
+his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and
+might have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushion
+softer than velvet, which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some
+kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception.
+
+The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true
+knights, that "fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the
+hero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant
+dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime
+of bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede
+staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol which
+lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let
+not my reader mistake; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder
+and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a
+double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear
+carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped
+from his wallet during his furious encounter with the drummer. The hideous
+weapon sang through the air, and true to its course, as was the fragment
+of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the
+gigantic Swede with matchless violence.
+
+This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of
+General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him; a
+death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with
+such violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have
+broken through the roof of his infernal palace.
+
+His fall was the signal of defeat and victory; the Swedes gave way, the
+Dutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly
+pursued. Some entered with them pell mell through the sallyport, others
+stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a
+little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, had
+stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss
+of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic
+ox-fly, sat perched on the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant; and it
+was declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his
+expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of
+glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle.
+Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a
+prodigious sweat and agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hot
+work! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give
+their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many
+horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughout
+this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single
+individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his
+queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all of which, he
+observes, as a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the
+interest of the narration.
+
+This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirely
+from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I
+have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of
+the object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been
+terrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of
+Christina, yet, not withstanding that I have consulted every history,
+manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten
+battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in
+the whole affair.
+
+This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers,
+who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their
+achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most
+embarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous and
+unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and
+blood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and
+slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a
+multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk
+them by a reprieve.
+
+Had the Fates allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been
+content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden
+time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct; any one of whom, if we
+may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies,
+like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single
+arm.
+
+But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left
+me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and
+cuffs, and bruises, and such-like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but
+compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who,
+having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each
+other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the
+end of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being mere
+spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any
+of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when
+I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst
+of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I to
+restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very
+waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so
+many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in the
+air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it
+should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman.
+
+The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a
+manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had
+to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded
+in history or song.
+
+From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity
+of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had once
+launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut
+down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting
+that he presented a fair mark; and that often a poor fellow was sent to
+grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a
+sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties:
+let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight
+harder than myself, but since the various records I consulted did not
+warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St.
+Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies,
+the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can
+discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright; and I
+should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than
+manslaughter!
+
+And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking
+our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this
+moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are
+all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this
+world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so
+many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squander
+away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever
+reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into
+ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may
+wither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. "How
+many illustrious heroes," says the good Boetius, "who were once the pride
+and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal
+oblivion!" And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went to
+battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their
+achievements might be worthily recorded. Had not Homer turned his lofty
+lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained
+unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after
+all the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had nearly been the fate
+of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and
+engraved his name on the indellible tablet of history, just as the caitiff
+Time was silently brushing it away for ever!
+
+The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character of
+the historian. He is the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown or
+infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors on whom
+it depends whether they shall live in after ages, or be forgotten as were
+their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object of
+his tyranny exists; but the historian possesses superior might, for his
+power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and
+long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes,
+watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names
+with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the
+drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash
+upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings--that very drop, which to him
+is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable
+value to some departed worthy--may elevate half a score, in one moment, to
+immortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to
+ensure the glorious meed.
+
+Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vain-glorious
+boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On
+the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we
+historians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions and
+calamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I
+am a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so many
+illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their
+families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of
+fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kings
+desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what
+induces all great men, of all ages and countries, to commit so many
+victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon
+themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them
+into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in short,
+the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and privations, is
+nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame? Why, half a page of
+dirty paper! Alas, alas! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so
+great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little a
+man as Diedrich Knickerbocker!
+
+And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the
+field, it behoves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and
+inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of
+Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New
+Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the
+province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous
+deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in
+the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful and
+humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more
+galling by unmanly insults; for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, the
+renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to
+talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death, ordered no
+houses to be burnt down, permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on the
+property of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest officers a
+severe punishment with his walking-staff, for having been detected in the
+act of sacking a hen-roost.
+
+He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to
+the authority of their High Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampled
+clemency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public expense, in
+a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to
+wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms,
+about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of
+allegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain
+on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very
+day. I am told, however, by divers observant travelers, that they have
+never been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their ancestors; but
+that they still do strangely transmit, from father to son, manifest marks
+of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers.
+
+The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded to the arms of the
+triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed
+under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control
+of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary was
+called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-man, who derived his
+surname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his
+nose, which projected from the center of his countenance like the beak of
+a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of
+the most ancient and honorable families of the province; the members of
+which do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, nor as your
+noble families in England would do by having a glowing proboscis
+emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly
+nose stuck in the very middle of their faces.
+
+Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of
+only two men--Wolfet Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knocked
+overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van
+Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however,
+were immortalized as having bravely fallen in the service of their
+country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly
+fractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunately
+his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed.
+
+And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that
+this immaculate hero and his victorious army returned joyously to the
+Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with
+them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew who had
+refused allegiance; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only
+fallen into a swoon at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily
+restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose.
+
+These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the
+governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, being the
+prison of state of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of
+Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in
+the possession of his descendants.[56]
+
+It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New
+Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in
+the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave
+the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saving that he
+took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of
+vanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly
+entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle.
+
+The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchins
+who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads and
+sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war.
+As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant
+wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting,
+"Hardkoppig Piet forever!"
+
+It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was
+prepared at the stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were
+assembled, in one glorious constellation, the great and little luminaries
+of New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy,
+the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows, the
+subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on, down to the
+lowest hanger-on of police; every tag having his rag at his side, to
+finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of
+immortal dulness. In short--for a city feast is a city feast all over the
+world, and has been a city feast ever since the creation--the dinner went
+off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth of
+July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, oceans of
+liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with
+much obstreperous fat-sided laughter.
+
+I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory Peter Stuyvesant
+was indebted for another of his many titles, for so hugely delighted were
+the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored
+him with the name of Pieter de Groodt; that is to say, Peter the Great;
+or, as it was translated into English by the people of New Amsterdam, for
+the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig--an appellation
+which he maintained even unto the day of his death.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [56] This castle, though very much altered, and modernized, is
+        still in being and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing
+        Coentie's Slip.
+
+
+
+
+_BOOK VII._
+
+CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG--HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH
+DYNASTY.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture
+of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn
+warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though
+returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was checked
+on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his
+short absence. His walking-staff which he had sent home to act as his
+vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council chamber in order; the
+counsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in grim repose upon the table,
+and smoking their pipes in silence; but its control extended not out of
+doors.
+
+The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack
+though fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the accession of
+Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs
+as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into
+stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing
+upon, the bit in restive silence.
+
+Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes,
+than the whole factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their
+heads above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to "discuss the
+state of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the
+self-dubbed "friends of the people," once more felt themselves inspired
+with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement
+of government.
+
+Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the province
+by his individual will, his first move on his return, was to put a stop to
+this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening, when an inspired
+cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter
+suddenly made his appearance with his ominous walking staff in his hand,
+and a countenance sufficient to petrify a millstone. The whole meeting was
+thrown into confusion--the orators stood aghast, with open mouth and
+trembling knees, while "Horror!" "Tyranny!" "Liberty!" "Rights!" "Taxes!"
+"Death!" "Destruction!" and a host of other patriotic phrases, were bolted
+forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the
+skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, and pulling
+out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a
+town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family
+curiosity, requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The orator
+humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted
+with the nature of its construction. "Nay, but," said Peter, "try your
+ingenuity, man; you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the
+clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and why should it not
+be equally easy to regulate as to stop it?" The orator declared that his
+trade was wholly different--that he was a poor cobbler, and had never
+meddled with a watch in his life--that there were men skilled in the art
+whose business it was to attend to those matters, but for his part he
+should only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion. "Why,
+harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him with a
+countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect
+lapstone, "dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government to
+regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the
+principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest
+operations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a
+trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which
+is open to thy inspection?--Hence with thee to the leather and stone,
+which are emblems of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to
+the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee; but," elevating his voice
+until it made the welkin ring, "if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe,
+meddling again with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll have
+every mother's bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for
+drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!"
+
+This threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused the
+whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his
+head like his own swine's bristles; and not a knight of the thimble
+present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have
+verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in
+silent consternation: the pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken to
+regulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues,
+and take care of their families; and party feuds died away to such a
+degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterly
+ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired
+effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up,
+yet did it tend to injure the popularity of the great Peter with the
+thinking part of the community; that is to say, that part which think for
+others instead of for themselves; or, in other words, who attend to
+everybody's business but their own. These accused the old governor of
+being highly aristocratical, and in truth there seems to have been some
+ground for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty,
+soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, appearing,
+when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the antique flaundish cut, and was
+especially noted for having his sound leg, which was a very comely one,
+always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe.
+
+Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on the
+"stoep" before the door, under the shade of a great button-wood tree, but
+all visits of form and state were received with something of court
+ceremony in the best parlor, where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high
+chamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage,
+and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels.
+
+These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much caviled
+at by the thinking, and talking, part of the community. They had been
+accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in
+particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the Testy,
+and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity and
+reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have
+pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old
+governor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a
+country should be governed by wise men; but then it is almost equally
+important that the people should think them wise; for this belief alone
+can produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirable
+confidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of
+them as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men that gives
+them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence for
+office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to
+suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains
+access to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is
+governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in everything
+else; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and
+are not so wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he may
+occasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence,
+confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such
+was the case, say they, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy
+of access, he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits with him, and
+to find out the true dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind;
+and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be
+a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by
+conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great
+reverence. As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the public
+gave him credit for very profound ones; every movement, however
+intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very red
+stockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings of
+other men.
+
+Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was, that he had a great leaning
+in favor of the patricians; and, indeed, in his time rose many of those
+mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched
+out so luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date,
+such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden
+Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of
+"Discoverers," from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from
+Communipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate
+and Buttermilk-channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam.
+
+Others claimed to themselves the appellation of Conquerors, from their
+gallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at
+Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated,
+beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and
+extending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the
+Schermerhorns; a roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the Conqueror,
+and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical Dutch
+family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of
+the soil; these are the real "beavers of the Manhattoes;" and much does it
+grieve me in modern days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders,
+and more especially by those ingenious people, "the Sons of the Pilgrims;"
+who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the exchange,
+out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, that the
+tallest Dutch family mansion has not wind enough left for its weathercock.
+
+In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutch
+aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in
+round-crowned flaunderish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly
+gaberdine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" and
+smoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain that
+the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes
+worrying about in dog day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one
+day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however,
+the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees
+sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the
+"Copper-heads;" while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity,
+and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like an
+empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious
+appellation of "Platter-breeches."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have it
+imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with a
+rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he
+abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling
+multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in
+righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to
+give thirteen loaves to the dozen--a golden rule which remains a monument
+of his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable austerity, he
+delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice; and for this
+purpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his reign there was a
+great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also
+flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on the
+eve of the blessed St. Nicholas.
+
+New Year's Day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by
+the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains
+of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with
+cherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider; every house was a temple
+to the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure
+economy, taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year
+afterwards.
+
+The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither
+repaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters,
+pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was
+devoutly observant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind for
+a happy new year; and it is traditional that Antony the trumpeter, who
+acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as
+they passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus happily
+introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low that on New Year's
+Day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was the most
+thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom.
+
+Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the
+distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the
+hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every
+part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by
+Antony the Trumpeter, and the effect was marvelous. Instead of those
+"indignation meetings" set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where
+men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the
+times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the
+two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted "quilting bees,"
+and "husking bees," and other rural assemblages, where, under the
+inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and
+followed up by the dance. "Raising bees" also were frequent, where houses
+sprang up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of Thebes
+sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion.
+
+Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those
+days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor came
+dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the
+land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlands were merry
+rather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of
+good humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from every
+hamlet along the Hudson!
+
+Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his
+favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired that
+potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly
+assemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on
+Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of
+the Battery; with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here
+would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the
+old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would
+he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war, in
+the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to
+those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously; and now
+and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who
+held out longest, and tired down every competitor--infallible proof of her
+being the best dancer.
+
+Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of
+interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of
+course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen
+petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran
+through the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, but
+the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had
+marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for
+the "poor thing," and even the governor himself appeared to be in some
+kind of perturbation.
+
+To complete the confusion of the good folk she undertook, in the course of
+a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing-master
+at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, some
+vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took
+place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great
+consternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, and
+the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized.
+
+The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion ever
+since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and though
+extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he
+immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce
+to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the
+gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than "shuffle and turn,"
+and "double trouble;" and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, any
+young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces."
+
+These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these
+were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that
+becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are
+invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shown, was a
+sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasion
+to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the young
+vrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter were pushed any further,
+there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether; whereupon the
+good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after
+suffered the women to wear their petticoats, and cut their capers as high
+as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the
+Manhattoes unto the present day.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable
+picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of peace.
+It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are
+again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not
+mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing
+chapters.
+
+It is with some communities, as it is with certain meddlesome
+individuals--they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and I
+have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the
+least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the
+excessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that this
+rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined; which
+accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men and
+ugly little women more especially.
+
+Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlands; which,
+by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies;
+has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in a
+fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woebegone
+little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and
+sublimity to this pathetic history.
+
+The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused
+by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen.
+Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field, at
+the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg seeking to annex the whole of
+the Catskill mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of these
+mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the venerable
+Dutch settlements of Esopus.
+
+Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter
+Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all
+Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has
+recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg
+commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time
+afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and
+which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence.
+
+The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy
+Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than
+enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race
+of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of
+whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellent
+history:----
+
+"The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior,
+and attire--their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their
+tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long; carved at the great end
+with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of
+a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of a
+yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable."[57]
+
+These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind
+of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land;
+but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony
+of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland; so called because
+the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were
+prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They
+were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and
+jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to
+be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail,
+stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical
+merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks.
+
+This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, a British nobleman, was
+managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall,
+that is to say, "offend all," a name given him for his bullying
+propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening
+him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the
+rightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys of
+Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his
+Nederlanders out of the country.
+
+The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard, when
+he received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering
+menaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors of the
+Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to
+hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the
+whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as
+such, and he was but a little one.
+
+Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River, and enacting
+scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity
+of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the
+Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to Mynheer
+Beekman to keep up a bold front and a stout heart, promising, as soon as
+he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with
+his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and
+mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [57] Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the
+crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaigns
+on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill
+Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually
+active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw
+Nederlands.
+
+Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings
+along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into
+the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into
+the land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, their
+men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle
+themselves down in the land and possess it; so these chosen people of
+modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style,
+conducting carts and waggons laden with household furniture, with women
+and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the
+tail of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided
+varlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, resolutely
+bent upon "locating" themselves, as they termed it, and improving the
+country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they
+were guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but it was notorious that,
+wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen gradually disappeared,
+retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men; being in some way
+or other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain
+English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which
+our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by
+which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions.
+
+He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt
+to be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw
+diplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to
+repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the
+sword in one hand and the olive-branch in the other, and giving them
+their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war.
+
+His privy council were astonished and dismayed when he announced his
+determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the
+rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and
+barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty
+weathercock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the
+iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described by
+Aristotle, and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily
+believed he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor
+called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical
+temperament.
+
+Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van
+Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him
+the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise.
+
+Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, yet
+by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow
+(having never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund,
+gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed
+to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter
+Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir.
+
+Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this
+command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted
+old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty--and he moreover
+still remembered the frolicing, and dancing, and bundling, and other
+disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of
+numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to
+encounter.
+
+Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant
+but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever
+recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture
+openly among a whole nation of foes--but, above all, for a plain,
+downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New
+England!--never was there known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since I
+have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto
+uncelebrated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and
+anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh, for
+a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose
+on it as on a feather-bed!
+
+Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee
+from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the
+powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough that I have followed
+thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid
+battle of Fort Christina? That I have been put incessantly to my trumps to
+keep them safe and sound--now warding off with my single pen the shower of
+dastard blows that fell upon thy rear--now narrowly shielding thee from a
+deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box--now casing thy dauntless skull with
+adamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword of
+the stout Risingh--and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but
+triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate
+means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thou
+still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong
+enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian?
+
+And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside the
+sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly
+red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of
+Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed
+steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a
+loitering coachman, half-an-hour behind his time. And now behold that imp
+of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned,
+switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing
+on his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such
+fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware.
+
+Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a
+broken-winded, walleyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low
+the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm; and his trumpet displayed
+vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which
+is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing
+out of the city gate, like an iron clad hero of yore, with his faithful
+squire at his heels; the populace following with their eyes, and shouting
+many a parting wish and hearty cheering, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet!
+Farewell, honest Antony! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous your
+return!--the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest
+trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather!
+
+Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers
+in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript,
+which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the
+occasion by Dominie AEgidius Luyck,[58] who appears to have been the poet
+laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it
+was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower
+hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of Nature,
+as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael; which in
+those days was a sweet and rural valley, beautiful with many a bright
+wild flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and
+there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping
+hill, and almost buried in embowering trees.
+
+Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they
+encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were
+assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted
+on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them
+exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter,
+whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place,
+hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and
+mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five
+shillings for traveling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to
+a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees; but these the
+valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they
+bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their
+cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he
+escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag; who, with undaunted
+perseverance and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly
+switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered
+Narraganset pacer.
+
+But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along
+the course of the soft flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the
+song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain; now reflecting the
+lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the
+humble hamlet; now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the
+cheerful song of the peasant.
+
+At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio,
+order the sturdy Antony to sound a courteous salutation; though the
+manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay
+when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incomparable
+achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and
+they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold
+transgressions.
+
+But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving
+his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verily
+believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into
+their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which
+ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor
+of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to
+compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous
+furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed,
+so much does prowess in arms delight the gentler sex. The little children,
+too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his
+brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I
+omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding
+the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his
+trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The
+kind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all
+with infinite loving kindness, and was right pleased to see a crew of
+little trumpeters crowding round him for his blessing, each of whom he
+patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy
+molasses candy.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+   [58] This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in
+        Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to AEgidius
+        Luyck in D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with
+        Judith Isendoorn. (Old MSS.)
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant,
+followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through
+the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved
+province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British
+Cabinet.
+
+This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret
+instigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselves
+totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the
+Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British
+Government, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and delights of
+this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be
+sent out to invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land.
+
+These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion
+was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are assured
+by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astounding
+victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout
+Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the
+jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This
+jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore,
+who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted
+to him by the British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights.
+Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or
+Lond Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the
+kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British
+territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the
+Nederlanders.
+
+The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on
+the part of his Majesty Charles the Second for the safety and well-being
+of his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the
+New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a
+continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British Crown by
+the pilgrims when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British
+oppression. All this goodly land thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he
+presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother the Duke of York, a
+donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give
+away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be
+merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway
+despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put
+his brother in complete possession of the premises.
+
+Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While
+the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in somber security, and the
+privy councillors are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter the
+Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country, in the
+confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council
+to terms, a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the
+Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing
+Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial.
+
+But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that in all warlike conflicts
+and doubtful perplexities he will every acquit himself like a gallant,
+noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge! Shine
+out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes; and the
+blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness
+is seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity, therefore, has been
+wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can
+never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace.
+In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an individual
+(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and
+misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur; and even when sinking
+under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than
+ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity.
+
+The vast Empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and
+concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of
+drowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the
+subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented
+nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and
+Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their
+contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano.
+The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years'
+distress and final conflagration. Paris rose in importance by the plots
+and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even the
+mighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for
+nothing of moment excepting the Plague, the Great Fire, and Guy Faux's
+Gunpowder Plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in silent
+obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch,
+as it were, immortality from the explosion.
+
+The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that
+the city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high road
+to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is
+really a matter of astonishment how so small a State has been able in so
+short a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the
+province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the
+tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing in
+historic importance: and never could it have had a more appropriate
+chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daring
+progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached
+Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which
+was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van
+Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little
+in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great mind, he
+placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his
+left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and,
+with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode
+into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet
+before him in a manner to electrify the whole community.
+
+
+Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such a
+hurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads out
+of windows; such gathering of knots in market-places Peter Stuyvesant was
+a straightforward man, and prone to do everything above board. He would
+have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a
+parley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to deal
+with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent
+forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style
+befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply all
+kinds of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other courteous
+impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal
+to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein he
+was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long sufferings, and
+achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even said he was treated to
+a sight of Plymouth Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire.
+
+I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which
+time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite
+annoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling
+on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them
+to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic
+negotiations; a great deal was said and very little done; one conversation
+led to another; one conference begot misunderstandings which it took a
+dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found
+themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to
+an agreement.
+
+In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered the brain and
+incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the
+dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact
+that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by
+sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him
+with subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by land!
+
+Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himself
+thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil! Now did he draw his
+trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the
+Amphictyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he
+resolve to fight his way throughout all the regions of the east, and to
+lay waste Connecticut river.
+
+Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on
+this ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no
+other councillor than thine own head; no other armour but an honest
+tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but
+St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter--did I not tremble
+when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers
+of New England?
+
+It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van
+Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the
+spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, and
+prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston.
+With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the
+present; to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations;
+and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the
+salvation of the Manhattoes.
+
+The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; he
+forthwith dispatched a secret message to his councillors at New Amsterdam,
+apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a
+posture of defense, promising to come as soon as possible to their
+assistance. This done, he felt marvelously relieved, rose slowly, shook
+himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same
+manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle,
+in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress.
+
+And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this
+imminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going
+on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a
+turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thing
+with heart and soul he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and
+sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those
+things in person which in modern days are trusted to generals and
+ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an
+uproar--all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect which
+induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the
+renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community
+where every individual has a voice in public affairs; where every
+individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation; and where every
+individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his
+country--I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than
+such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues--such
+patriotic bawling--such running hither and thither--everybody in a
+hurry--everybody in trouble--everybody in the way, and everybody
+interrupting his neighbor--who is busily employed in doing nothing! It is
+like witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog--some
+dragging about empty engines, others scampering with full buckets, and
+spilling the contents into their neighbors' boots, and others ringing the
+church bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen,
+like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down
+scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing the
+attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the
+unfortunate, catches up some article of no value, and gallants it off with
+an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money;
+there another throws looking-glasses and china out of the window, to save
+them from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down
+the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of "Fire! fire! fire!"
+
+"When the news arrived at Sinope," says Lucian--though I own the story is
+rather trite-"that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants were
+thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms; others
+rolled stones to build up the walls; everybody, in short, was employed,
+and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find
+nothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country
+was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with
+might and main up and down the Gymnasium." In like manner did every
+mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the
+missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things
+in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. "Every man," said the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, "flew to arms!" by which is meant that not one of
+our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an
+old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch
+fowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night without a
+lantern, nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest he
+should come unawares upon a British army; and we are informed that Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as
+the governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in his
+entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back.
+
+But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one
+which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popular
+meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, were
+extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment of
+unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress
+them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the
+orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and
+exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions
+to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was
+resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most
+formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth.
+This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately
+proposed--whether it were not possible and politic to exterminate Great
+Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only
+one arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punishment for his treasonable
+presumption, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered,
+which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards
+considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing.
+The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it
+was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was
+accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were
+wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous.
+Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, the
+old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and
+their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, the community
+began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low
+Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most woefully
+beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it
+was proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon the
+will of the New Amsterdammers.
+
+Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a
+multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased all
+the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge
+bonfire, and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present who
+had a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw it
+into the flames, to the irreparable detriment, loss and ruin of the
+English manufacturers! In commemoration of this great exploit they erected
+a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent the
+province of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain, under the
+similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the
+globe; but either through the unskillfulness of the sculptor, or his
+ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly
+striving to get hold of a dumpling.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of
+that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that not
+withstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the
+city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before.
+The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this; and, having
+received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of
+defense, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to
+assist them with their wisdom. These were of that order of citizens
+commonly termed "men of the greatest weight in the community;" their
+weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their
+purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang
+like a millstone round the neck of the community.
+
+Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
+first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second,
+that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; which
+points being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboring
+one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was
+this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in
+this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of
+wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused,
+as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd.
+Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of
+measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered
+the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent
+invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch
+critic who judged of books by their size.
+
+This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
+customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by
+certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
+barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarly
+noted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair of
+the least importance without previous debates and harangues among their
+chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing
+their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing
+them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they
+possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent of
+holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body
+was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they
+considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his
+duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them,
+required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood
+it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every
+soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty
+mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this
+assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom,
+the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words.
+
+We are told that disciples on entering the school of Pythagoras were for
+two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions or make
+remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their
+tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to
+communicate their own opinions.
+
+With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be
+introduced in modern legislative bodies--and how wonderfully would it have
+tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes.
+
+At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, the stumbling block of
+William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the
+cheapest plan of defense was insisted upon as the best; it being deemed a
+great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economise in ball.
+
+Thus old Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously
+personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting the
+venerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the old
+factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by
+the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor.
+Whatever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of
+Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect
+the downfall of their rivals, their second to elevate themselves, and
+their third to consult the public good; though many left the third
+consideration out of question altogether.
+
+In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of
+projects that were struck out; projects which threw the windmill system of
+William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost
+uniformly opposed by the "men of the greatest weight in the community;"
+your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at
+"negativing." Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers,
+who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of
+defence proposed. These were that class of "conservatives" who, having
+amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it
+were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling
+beatitude of conscious wealth; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed
+a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its
+life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to
+these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion
+of locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armament
+was to throw their money into the sea; to build fortifications was to bury
+it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as
+their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left
+no scar; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all
+maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the
+patient.
+
+Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away their time, which
+the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and
+long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with
+which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay
+was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their distracted
+situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in
+the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of
+fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in
+consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was
+happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed them
+that a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling,
+eyeing one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in each
+other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly
+put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, so
+was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and
+totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled
+home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with
+corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the
+street-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without venturing to
+peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball.
+
+The sovereign people crowded into the marketplace, herding together with
+the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when the
+shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold.
+Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's
+terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search of
+encouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments a confirmation
+of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great
+Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy--while the
+old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their
+fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter! and how
+did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed a
+gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day
+after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without
+bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was
+hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not
+been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? Had they
+not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons? Had they
+not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? In the midst
+of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty
+nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New
+Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant
+sound of a trumpet;--it approached--it grew louder and louder--and now it
+resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the
+well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant
+Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came
+galloping into the marketplace.
+
+The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round
+the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings and
+congratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them the marvelous
+adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making
+their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the
+Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where anything
+touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the
+incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will
+not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say,
+that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he
+could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships
+sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports
+to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its
+promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter,
+perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate
+decampment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn
+his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth escapes and divers
+perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scourged, without sound of
+trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country in
+an uproar with hostile preparation, and they were obliged to take a large
+circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the
+Devil's Backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth, one day like a
+lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three
+generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take
+possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony
+had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of
+his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in
+hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshaling forth their
+draggle-tailed militia.
+
+The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount
+the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron.
+This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout
+frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent., informs us, "three
+hundred valiant red coats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down,
+and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his
+anchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so to do.
+This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though
+I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he
+had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having
+despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town,
+with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches
+pockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small
+resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is brewing. The
+very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay; while all the old and
+ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to
+save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment!
+
+The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched in
+terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor, declaring the
+right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed
+the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts,
+etc., should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and
+protection; promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free
+trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's
+government.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of
+aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John
+Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to be
+taken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket,
+stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great
+vehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer
+the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy
+councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for confident in
+his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give
+them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct.
+
+His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the
+late valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire in
+their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places; crawling
+cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting at
+every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers;
+and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable
+soldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms! Having, however, in
+despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe,
+without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their
+seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a
+few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and
+stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed
+in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on
+his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped
+himself in this portentious manner unless something of martial nature were
+working within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if
+they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their
+pipes in breathless suspense.
+
+His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle
+debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting
+the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those
+brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty
+bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He now
+called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had
+defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the
+summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend
+the province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg to
+stand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flat
+of his sword upon the table that quite electrified his auditors.
+
+The privy councillors who had long since been brought into as perfect
+discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there
+was no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in
+silence like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being
+inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency acquired at
+popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit,
+when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present
+jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested
+a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general
+meeting of the people.
+
+So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused
+the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself--what, then, must have been
+its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a
+governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of
+the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition? He burst forth into a blaze
+of indignation--swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of
+it; that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of
+tobacco for either; that they might go home and go to bed like old women,
+for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance
+of them or their adherents! So saying, he tucked his sword under his arm,
+cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped
+indignantly out of the council chamber, everybody making room for him as
+he passed.
+
+No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meeting
+in front of the stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue
+Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of
+William the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking
+the reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the
+land, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing
+that he was the first to imprint New-year cakes with the mysterious
+hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such-like magical devices.
+
+This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter
+Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech,
+informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received to
+surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the
+public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions
+highly to the honor and advantage of the province.
+
+He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high-sounding terms of
+vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to Nero,
+Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the people that
+the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the
+present; that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood-stained
+tablet of history; that ages would roll back with sudden horror when they
+came to view it; that the womb of time (by the way, your orators and
+writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would
+fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman)--that the womb of
+time, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a
+parallel enormity: with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring
+tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, for
+they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of
+popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric
+under the general title of Rigmarole.
+
+The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorial
+addressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on his
+conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer
+of this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no inclination of
+coming again within kicking distance of his excellency. Who did deliver
+it has never been named in history; in which neglect he has suffered
+grievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with him
+perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. All
+we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim
+Peter to light his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he smoked
+it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Now did the high-minded Peter de Groodt shower down a pannier load of
+maledictions upon his burgomaster for a set of self-willed, obstinate,
+factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he
+omit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign people, as
+a heard of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships and
+illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and
+eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortality and a
+broken head.
+
+Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even
+of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his
+right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his
+war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country
+night and day--sounding the alarm along the pastoral border of the
+Bronx--startling the wild solitudes of Croton--arousing the rugged
+yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken--the mighty men of battle of Tappan
+Bay--and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and
+Sleepy-Hollow--charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns,
+shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes.
+
+Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that
+Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just
+stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle,
+well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the
+city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway;
+sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the
+winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more were they to be
+gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter.
+
+It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek
+(sagely denominated Haerlem river) which separates the island of
+Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an
+uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of
+brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient
+ghost upon the brink, and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of his
+errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously
+that he would swim across in spite of the devil (_spyt den duyvel_), and
+daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! scarce had he buffeted
+half-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battling
+with the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his trumpet to his
+mouth, and giving a vehement blast sank for ever to the bottom.
+
+The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned
+Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rang
+far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who
+hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his
+veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the
+melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow of giving
+belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge mossbonker, seize
+the sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him beneath the waves. Certain it
+is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the
+Hudson, has been called _Spyt den Duyvel_ ever since; the ghost of the
+unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trumpet
+has often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with the
+howling of the blast.
+
+Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary,
+a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in the
+future; and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence that no
+true Dutchman will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates
+the devil.
+
+Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear--a man deserving of a better fate.
+He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until the
+day of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind
+some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country--fine,
+chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speak
+true (and they are not apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race of
+editors who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid
+by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable.
+It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the east he did
+much towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which is
+adduced the notorious propensity of the people of those parts to sound
+their own trumpet.
+
+As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and
+night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and
+solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the
+generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of
+Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;
+he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the
+martial melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching
+loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. He
+was gone for ever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur was
+skulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try thy
+fortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine
+forth--Peter the Headstrong!
+
+The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night; still
+all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind
+lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious,
+yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the
+eventful morning when the Great Peter was to give his reply to the summons
+of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting
+in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon
+boiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters
+flashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier
+arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut,
+counseling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, to
+surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to which
+a refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to intrude officious
+advice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery old
+governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the
+bosoms of his councillors to quake with awe; railing at his unlucky fate,
+that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects and jesuitical
+advisers.
+
+Just at this ill-chosen juncture the officious burgomasters, who had heard
+of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the
+room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and
+abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the
+spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces--threw
+it in the face of the nearest burgomaster--broke his pipe over the head
+of the next--hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just
+retreating out at the door; and finally prorogued the whole meeting _sine
+die_, by kicking them downstairs with his wooden leg.
+
+As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion, and had
+time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at full
+length, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and
+vindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for their own
+parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by
+the timber toe of his excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of
+the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the
+seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the harangue
+came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of
+character vested in all true mobs; who, though they may bear injuries
+without a murmur, yet are marvelously jealous of their sovereign dignity;
+and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been
+provoked, had they not been somewhat more afright of their sturdy old
+governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or the d----l
+himself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle
+which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and
+venerable little city--the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited
+country--garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men,
+burgomasters, schepens, and old women--governed by a determined and
+strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and
+resolutions--blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with
+direful desolation from without; while its very vitals are torn with
+internal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen record a page of
+more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the
+Israelites during the siege of Jerusalem, where discordant parties were
+cutting each other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions of
+Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword
+into the very _sanctum sanctorum_ of the temple!
+
+Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout,
+and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, despatched
+a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein he
+asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States
+General to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the
+righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance!
+
+My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenes
+prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded
+in these manly and affectionate terms:----
+
+
+    "As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to
+    answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as
+    merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in His gracious
+    disposal, and we may as well be preserved by Him with small
+    forces as by a great army, which makes us to wish you all
+    happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to His
+    protection.--My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate
+    servant and friend,
+
+    "P. STUYVESANT."
+
+Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of
+horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side,
+thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce little
+war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house,
+determined to defend his beloved city to the last.
+
+While all these struggles and dissentions were prevailing in the unhappy
+city of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was
+framing the above quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain
+idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of
+the populace; and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacent
+country a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in
+their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple
+Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They
+promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his
+British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw,
+and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe,
+speak Dutch, wear as many beeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles,
+and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot.
+That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language,
+nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than by
+casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of
+his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That
+every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat,
+shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage; and that no man
+should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any other
+modern innovations; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his
+house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his
+children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time
+immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade,
+and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar
+than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the
+tutelar saint of the city.
+
+These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people,
+who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most
+singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain little
+more than honor and broken heads: the first of which they held in
+philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By these
+insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the
+confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor,
+whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous
+misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse
+him most heartily, behind his back.
+
+Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and
+brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the
+boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the
+inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise,
+contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble.
+
+But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance,
+they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh,
+and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been
+subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progeny of
+Preserved Fish and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters,
+to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships
+prepared for an assault by water.
+
+The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and
+consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and
+assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The
+whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed
+into arrant old women--a metamorphosis only to be paralleled by the
+prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of
+Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into
+sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street.
+
+Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence,
+blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee
+invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave
+way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until
+it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender.
+
+Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving this
+intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could
+not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their
+congratulations--they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer
+of his country--they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and
+were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with
+victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort
+Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took
+refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear
+the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble.
+
+Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was
+speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be
+signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this
+purpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike
+accoutrements were laid aside; an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about
+his rugged limbs; a red nightcap overshadowed his frowning brow; an
+iron-grey beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to his
+visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign
+the loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible
+countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb-senna, and ipecacuanha, had been
+offered to his lips. At length, dashing it from him, he seized his
+brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St.
+Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven.
+
+For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during
+which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous
+revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to
+soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the
+burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the
+capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle
+strongly barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked
+hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window.
+
+There was something in this formidable position that struck even the
+ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not
+but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when
+they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to his
+post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful
+city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by
+the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged
+themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectful
+humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators
+described by Sallust as being "talkative rather than eloquent," stepped
+forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length,
+detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the
+province, and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same arguments
+and words, to sign the capitulation.
+
+The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence. Now and
+then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant
+grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But
+though a man of most undaunted mettle--though he had a heart as big as an
+ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn--yet after all he was
+a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal
+haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would
+follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for
+his consent; or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour
+in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them
+to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a
+pole, and having scrawled his hand at the bottom of it, he anathematised
+them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons--threw the
+capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard
+stumping downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently
+took to their heels; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the
+premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and
+greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure.
+
+Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fed
+warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and
+batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammers
+made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to
+protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated
+in silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through the
+streets.
+
+Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces,
+enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm, as _locum tenens_ for
+the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that
+of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth
+were denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto the
+present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to
+maintain quiet possession of their property, but so inveterately did they
+retain their abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting of
+the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of
+their conquerors to dinner.
+
+
+    NOTE.
+
+    Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus
+    overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens,
+    a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by
+    one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they
+    crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and
+    cabbage gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers
+    among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have
+    remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to
+    repeople the city with the genuine breed, whenever it shall be
+    effectually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine
+    descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York still look
+    with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did
+    the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of
+    Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance is to
+    come.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Thus then have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but before I
+lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty.
+If, among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there should
+haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with
+celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will
+doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To
+gratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more lengths than to
+instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers.
+
+No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of
+capitulation, than, determined not to witness the humiliation of his
+favorite city, he turned his back on its walls, and made a growling
+retreat to his bowery, or country seat, which was situated about two miles
+off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement.
+There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid
+the distracting cares of government, and tasted the sweets of absolute and
+uncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed
+with the bitterness of opposition.
+
+No persuasion should ever induce him to revisit the city; on the contrary,
+he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the
+windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees,
+planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screen that effectually
+excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerate
+innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors--forbade a word
+of their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibition
+readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything but
+Dutch, and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house
+because it consisted of English cherry trees.
+
+The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast
+province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in
+narrower limits. He patroled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of
+his little territory, repelled every encroachment with intrepid
+promptness: punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his
+farmyard with inflexible severity, and conducted every stray hog or cow in
+triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless
+stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and
+his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart,
+had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to
+this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an
+Englishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand of
+assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality.
+Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at
+his door, with his cart-load of tinware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter
+would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious
+clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of "notions" was
+fain to betake himself to instant flight.
+
+His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, was carefully hung
+up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of
+every month, and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim
+repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full-length
+portrait of the renowned admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he
+maintained strict discipline, and a well organized despotic government;
+but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects
+was his constant object. He watched over not merely their immediate
+comforts, but their morals and their ultimate welfare; for he gave them
+abundance of excellent admonition; nor could any of them complain, that,
+when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing
+wholesome correction.
+
+The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an
+overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse
+among my fellow citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of
+Governor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed liberality,
+of jocund revelry and warm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled
+with genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an
+unceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment unknown in these
+days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously
+observed throughout his dominions; nor was the day of St. Nicholas
+suffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in the
+chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies.
+
+Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full
+regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New
+Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of
+saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at
+liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased, for on this day
+their master was always observed to unbend and become exceedingly pleasant
+and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errands
+for pigeons' milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and
+humored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well disciplined
+dependent. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land,
+injuring no man, envying no man, molested by no outward strifes, perplexed
+by no internal commotions; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were
+vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind by
+war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the
+little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the
+domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of
+mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak,
+which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still
+retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan, with every
+blast--so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the port
+and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry,
+yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame--but his
+heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With
+matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence
+concerning the battles between the English and Dutch; still would his
+pulse beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter--and his
+countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of
+the English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoke his fifth
+pipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, conquering the whole
+British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of
+bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in
+a ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of a
+great victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over the
+brave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart
+that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to
+death's door by a violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he still
+displayed the unconquerable sprit of Peter the Headstrong--holding out to
+the last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole army of old women,
+who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch
+mode of defense, by inundation.
+
+While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought
+him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat with little loss,
+and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the
+old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words. He partly raised
+himself in bed, clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripe
+that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Port Christina, and
+giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and expired.
+Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright
+governor, and an honest Dutchman, who wanted only a few empires to
+desolate to have been immortalized as a hero!
+
+His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and
+solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded
+in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his
+sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollection, while the
+memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient
+burghers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall; the
+populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier, and the melancholy
+procession was closed by a number of gray-bearded negroes, who had
+wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the
+greater part of a century.
+
+With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave.
+They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal
+services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled,
+with secret upbraiding, their own factious oppositions to his government;
+and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been
+known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a
+pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek; while he muttered,
+with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head, "Well,
+den!--Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!"
+
+His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he
+had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, and
+which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's
+church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, as
+it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants,
+who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence
+to the customs and manners that prevailed in the "good old times," have
+proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and
+oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money-diggers, in
+quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor,
+though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their
+researches; and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, that
+does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he
+conceived it a great exploit to rob "Stuyvesant's orchard" on a holiday
+afternoon?
+
+At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of
+the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors
+from the parlor wall, his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best
+bed-room; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspended
+in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a
+new-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured
+up in the store-room as an invaluable relique.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful
+and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and
+authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and
+heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty
+empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the
+disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been
+extinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of
+states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wrought
+their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy
+commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and
+powers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall; each
+in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre; each has returned to its primeval
+nothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their High
+Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the
+Doubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, and the chivalric reign
+of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered over
+attentively; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed
+greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found and the lamp
+of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn
+against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweening
+fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of
+prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to destroy its pride
+of character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to the calls of honor
+and of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his
+pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such
+supineness ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded
+up produces the usurpation of a second; one encroachment passively
+suffered makes way for another; and the nation which thus, through a
+doting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and interest, will at length
+have to fight for existence.
+
+Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warning
+against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts without
+system, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies;
+which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness of
+ignorance and imbecility; which stoops for popularity by courting the
+prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than commanding the
+respect, of the rabble; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors,
+and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions;
+which mistakes procrastination for weariness--hurry for
+decision--parsimony for economy--bustle for business, and vaporing for
+valor; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate
+in action, and feeble in execution; which undertakes enterprises without
+forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without
+energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat.
+
+Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and
+decision, even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded by
+perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled courage
+will command respect and secure honor, even where success is unattainable.
+But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the
+good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving
+professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they most
+mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions and
+wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, or
+apprehension will overpower the deference to authority.
+
+Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their intemperate
+harangues, their violent "resolutions," their hectorings against an absent
+enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust and
+despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue.
+Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destitute
+of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and
+bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution
+us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a
+noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe
+with courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but takes from the
+merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful.
+
+But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn from
+the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will
+discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and
+are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I conclude let me
+point out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain of events by
+which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of
+our globe.
+
+Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art a
+king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure
+up in thy heart, though little expectation have I that my work will fall
+into such hands; for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all
+grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs,
+lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom.
+
+By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes
+enjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of
+Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the
+conquest of New Sweden Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord
+Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the
+whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole
+extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered
+one entire dependency upon the British crown. But mark the consequence:
+the hitherto-scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no
+rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and
+finally becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shake
+off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire.
+But the chain of effects stopped not here; the successful revolution in
+America produced the sanguinary revolution in France which produced the
+puissant Bonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which has thrown
+the whole world in confusion! Thus have these great Powers been
+successively punished for their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as I
+asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters
+that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort
+Casimir, as recorded in this eventful history.
+
+And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, which, alas! must be
+for ever--willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy
+kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the
+days of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written one
+as good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will hereafter
+spring up and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, and still
+less care; well knowing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is
+vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end every one at
+table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any
+reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve,
+though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he
+was mistaken--his good-nature by telling him he was captious--or his pure
+conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so
+ingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousand
+pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery.
+
+I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens to
+think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will
+to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics who
+despise the world, because it despises them; on the contrary, though but
+low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and
+my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the
+unbounded love I bear it.
+
+If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a long
+and laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age,
+I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me
+even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile
+snows upon my brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still
+lingers around my heart, and throbs, worthy reader, throbs kindly toward
+thyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust,
+which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds,
+may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild
+flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mannahata!
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Knickerbocker's History of New York,
+Complete, by Washington Irving
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