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diff --git a/old/12748.txt b/old/12748.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0636e38 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/12748.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8334 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Recollections of My Youth, by Ernest Renan + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Recollections of My Youth + +Author: Ernest Renan + +Release Date: June 26, 2004 [eBook #12748] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RECOLLECTIONS OF MY YOUTH*** + + +E-text prepared by Curtis Weyant, Leah Moser, and the Project Gutenberg +Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + +RECOLLECTIONS OF MY YOUTH + +BY + +ERNEST RENAN + +1897 + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Ernest Renan] + + + +CONTENTS. + + + THE FLAX-CRUSHER. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + PART III. + + PART IV. + + PRAYER ON THE ACROPOLIS + + ST. RENAN + + MY UNCLE PIERRE. + + GOOD MASTER SYSTEME. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + LITTLE NOEMI. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + THE PETTY SEMINARY OF ST. NICHOLAS DU CHARDONNET. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + PART III. + + THE ISSY SEMINARY. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + THE ST. SULPICE SEMINARY. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + PART III. + + PART IV. + + PART V. + + FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE ST. SULPICE. + + PART I. + + PART II. + + PART III. + + PART IV. + + PART V. + + APPENDIX + + + + +PREFACE. + + +One of the most popular legends in Brittany is that relating to an +imaginary town called Is, which is supposed to have been swallowed up +by the sea at some unknown time. There are several places along the +coast which are pointed out as the site of this imaginary city, and +the fishermen have many strange tales to tell of it. According to +them, the tips of the spires of the churches may be seen in the hollow +of the waves when the sea is rough, while during a calm the music of +their bells, ringing out the hymn appropriate to the day, rises above +the waters. I often fancy that I have at the bottom of my heart a city +of Is with its bells calling to prayer a recalcitrant congregation. +At times I halt to listen to these gentle vibrations which seem as if +they came from immeasurable depths, like voices from another world. +Since old age began to steal over me, I have loved more especially +during the repose which summer brings with it, to gather up these +distant echoes of a vanished Atlantis. + +This it is which has given birth to the six chapters which make up the +present volume. The recollections of my childhood do not pretend to +form a complete and continuous narrative. They are merely the images +which arose before me and the reflections which suggested themselves +to me while I was calling up a past fifty years old, written down in +the order in which they came. Goethe selected as the title for his +memoirs "Truth and Poetry," thereby signifying that a man cannot write +his own biography in the same way that he would that of any one else. +What one says of oneself is always poetical. To fancy that the small +details of one's own life are worth recording is to be guilty of very +petty vanity. A man writes such things in order to transmit to others +the theory of the universe which he carries within himself. The form +of the present work seemed to me a convenient one for expressing +certain shades of thought which my previous writings did not convey. +I had no desire to furnish information about myself for the future use +of those who might wish to write essays or articles about me. + +What in history is a recommendation would here have been a drawback; +the whole of this small volume is true, but not true in the sense +required-for a "Biographical Dictionary." I have said several things +with the intent to raise a smile, and, if such a thing had been +compatible with custom, I might have used the expression _cum grano +salis_ as a marginal note in many cases. I have been obliged to be +very careful in what I wrote. Many of the persons to whom I refer may +be still alive; and those who are not accustomed to find themselves in +print have a sort of horror of publicity. I have, therefore, +altered several proper names. In other cases, by means of a slight +transposition of date and place, I have rendered identification +impossible. The story of "the Flax-crusher" is absolutely true, with +the exception that the name of the manor-house is a fictitious one. +With regard to "Good Master Systeme," I have been furnished by M. +Duportal du Godasmeur with further details which do not confirm +certain ideas entertained by my mother as to the mystery in which this +aged recluse enveloped his existence. I have, however, made no change +in the body of the work, thinking that it would be better to leave +M. Duportal to publish the true story, known only to himself, of this +enigmatic character. + +The chief defect for which I should feel some apology necessary if +this book had any pretension to be considered a regular memoir of +my life, is that there are many gaps in it. The person who had the +greatest influence on my life, my sister Henriette, is scarcely +mentioned in it.[1] In September 1862, a year after the death of this +invaluable friend, I wrote for the few persons who had known her well, +a short notice of her life. Only a hundred copies were printed. My +sister was so unassuming, and she was so averse from the stress +and stir of the world that I should have fancied I could hear her +reproaching me from her grave, if I had made this sketch public +property. I have more than once been tempted to include it in this +volume, but on second thoughts I have felt that to do so would be an +act of profanation. The pamphlet in question was read and appreciated +by a few persons who were kindly disposed towards her and towards +myself. It would be wrong of me to expose a memory so sacred in my +eyes to the supercilious criticisms which are part and parcel of the +right acquired by the purchaser of a book. It seemed to me that in +placing the lines referring to her in a book for the trade I should +be acting with as much impropriety as if I sent a portrait of her for +sale to an auction room. The pamphlet in question will not, therefore, +be reprinted until after my death, appended to it, very possibly being +several of her letters selected by me beforehand. The natural sequence +of this book, which is neither more nor less than the sequence in the +various periods of my life, brings about a sort of contrast between +the anecdotes of Brittany and those of the Seminary, the latter +being the details of a darksome struggle, full of reasonings and +hard scholasticism, while the recollections of my earlier years are +instinct with the impressions of childlike sensitiveness, of candour, +of innocence, and of affection. There is nothing surprising about +this contrast. Nearly all of us are double. The more a man develops +intellectually, the stronger is his attraction to the opposite pole: +that is to say, to the irrational, to the repose of mind in absolute +ignorance, to the woman who is merely a woman, the instinctive being +who acts solely from the impulse of an obscure conscience. The fierce +school of controversy, in which the mind of Europe has been involved +since the time of Abelard, induces periods of mental drought and +aridity. The brain, parched by reasoning, thirsts for simplicity, like +the desert for spring water. When reflection has brought us up to the +last limit of doubt, the spontaneous affirmation of the good and of +the beautiful which is to be found in the female conscience delights +us and settles the question for us. This is why religion is preserved +to the world by woman alone. A beautiful and a virtuous woman is the +mirage which peoples with lakes and green avenues our great moral +desert. The superiority of modern science consists in the fact +that each step forward it takes is a step further in the order of +abstractions. We make chemistry from chemistry, algebra from algebra; +the very indefatigability with which we fathom nature removes us +further from her. This is as it should be, and let no one fear to +prosecute his researches, for out of this merciless dissection comes +life. But we need not be surprised at the feverish heat which, after +these orgies of dialectics, can only be calmed by the kisses of the +artless creature in whom nature lives and smiles. Woman restores us to +communication with the eternal spring in which God reflects Himself. +The candour of a child, unconscious of its own beauty and seeing God +clear as the daylight, is the great revelation of the ideal, just as +the unconscious coquetry of the flower is a proof that Nature adorns +herself for a husband. + +One should never write except upon that which one loves. Oblivion and +silence are the proper punishments to be inflicted upon all that we +meet with in the way of what is ungainly or vulgar in the course of +our journey through life. Referring to a past which is dear to me, +I have spoken of it with kindly sympathy; but I should be sorry to +create any misapprehension, and to be taken for an uncompromising +reactionist. I love the past, but I envy the future. It would have +been very pleasant to have lived upon this planet at as late a period +as possible. Descartes would be delighted if he could read some +trivial work on natural philosophy and cosmography written in the +present day. The fourth form school boy of our age is acquainted with +truths to know which Archimedes would have laid down his life. What +would we not give to be able to get a glimpse of some book which will +be used as a school-primer a hundred years hence? + +We must not, because of our personal tastes, our prejudices perhaps, +set ourselves to oppose the action of our time. This action goes on +without regard to us, and probably it is right. The world is moving in +the direction of what I may call a kind of Americanism, which shocks +our refined ideas, but which, when once the crisis of the present +hour is over, may very possibly not be more inimical than the ancient +_regime_ to the only thing which is of any real importance; viz. +the emancipation and progress of the human mind. A society in which +personal distinction is of little account, in which talent and wit are +not marketable commodities, in which exalted functions do not ennoble, +in which politics are left to men devoid of standing or ability, in +which the recompenses of life are accorded by preference to intrigue, +to vulgarity, to the charlatans who cultivate the art of puffing, and +to the smart people who just keep without the clutches of the law, +would never suit us. We have been accustomed to a more protective +system, and to the government patronizing what is noble and worthy. +But we have not secured this patronage for nothing. Richelieu and +Louis XIV. looked upon it as their duty to provide pensions for men of +merit all the world over; how much better it would have been, if the +spirit of the time had admitted of it, that they should have left +the men of merit to themselves! The period of the Restoration has the +credit of being a liberal one; yet we should certainly not like +to live now under a _regime_ which warped such a genius as Cuvier, +stifled with paltry compromises the keen mind of M. Cousin, and +retarded the growth of criticism by half a century. The concessions +which had to be made to the court, to society, and to the clergy, were +far worse than the petty annoyances which a democracy can inflict upon +us. + +The eighteen years of the monarchy of July were in reality a period +of liberty, but the official direction given to things of the mind was +often superficial and no better than would be expected of the average +shopkeeper. With regard to the second empire, if the ten last years of +its duration in some measure repaired the mischief done in the first +eight, it must never be forgotten how strong this government was when +it was a question of crushing the intelligence, and how feeble when +it came to raising it up. The present hour is a gloomy one, and the +immediate outlook is not cheerful. Our unfortunate country is ever +threatened with heart disease, and all Europe is a prey to some +deep-rooted malady. But by way of consolation, let us reflect upon +what we have suffered. The evil to come must be grevious indeed if we +cannot say: + + "O passi graviora, dabit deus his quoque finem." + +The one object in life is the development of the mind, and the first +condition for the development of the mind is that it should have +liberty. The worst social state, from this point of view, is the +theocratic state, like Islamism or the ancient Pontifical state, in +which dogma reigns supreme. Nations with an exclusive state religion, +like Spain, are not much better off. Nations in which a religion of +the majority is recognized are also exposed to serious drawbacks. +In behalf of the real or assumed beliefs of the greatest number, the +state considers itself bound to impose upon thought terms which it +cannot accept. The belief or the opinion of the one side should not +be a fetter upon the other side. As long as the masses were believers, +that is to say, as long as the same sentiments were almost universally +professed by a people, freedom of research and discussion was +impossible. A colossal weight of stupidity pressed down upon the human +mind. The terrible catastrophe of the middle ages, that break of a +thousand years in the history of civilization, is due less to the +barbarians than to the triumph of the dogmatic spirit among the +masses. + +This is a state of things which is coming to an end in our time, and +we cannot be surprised if some disturbance ensues. There are no +longer masses which believe; a great number of the people decline +to recognise the supernatural, and the day is not far distant, when +beliefs of this kind will die out altogether in the masses, just as +the belief in familiar spirits and ghosts have disappeared. Even if, +as is probable, we are to have a temporary Catholic reaction, the +people will not revert to the Church. Religion has become for once and +all a matter of personal taste. Now beliefs are only dangerous +when they represent something like unanimity, or an unquestionable +majority. When they are merely individual, there is not a word to be +said against them, and it is our duty to treat them with the respect +which they do not always exhibit for their adversaries, when they feel +that they have force at their back. + +There can be no denying that it will take time for the liberty, which +is the aim and object of human society, to take root in France as it +has in America. French democracy has several essential principles to +acquire, before it can become a liberal _regime_. It will be above +all things necessary that we should have laws as to associations, +charitable foundations, and the right of legacy, analogous to those +which are in force in England and America. Supposing this progress to +be effected (if it is Utopian to count upon it in France, it is not so +for the rest of Europe, in which the aspirations for English liberty +become every day more intense), we should really not have much cause +to look regretfully upon the favours conferred by the ancient _regime_ +upon things of the mind. I quite think that if democratic ideas were +to secure a definitive triumph, science and scientific teaching would +soon find the modest subsidies now accorded them cut off. This is an +eventuality which would have to be accepted as philosophically as may +be. The free foundations would take the place of the state institutes, +the slight drawbacks being more than compensated for by the advantage +of having no longer to make to the supposed prejudices of the majority +concessions which the state exacted in return for its pittance. The +waste of power in state institutes is enormous. It may safely be said +that not 50 per cent of a credit voted in favour of science, art, or +literature, is expended to any effect. Private foundations would not +be exposed to nearly so much waste. It is true that spurious science +would, in these conditions, flourish side by side with real science, +enjoying the same privileges, and that there would be no official +criterion, as there still is to a certain extent now, to distinguish +the one from the other. But this criterion becomes every day less +reliable. Reason has to submit to the indignity of taking second +place behind those who have a loud voice, and who speak with a tone of +command. The plaudits and favour of the public will, for a long time +to come, be at the service of what is false. But the true has great +power, when it is free; the true endures; the false is ever changing +and decays. Thus it is that the true, though only understood by a +select few, always rises to the surface, and in the end prevails. + +In short, it is very possible that the American-like social condition +towards which we are advancing, independently of any particular +form of government, will not be more intolerable for persons of +intelligence than the better guaranteed social conditions which we +have already been subject to. In such a world as this will be, it +will be no difficult matter to create very quiet and snug retreats +for oneself. "The era of mediocrity in all things is about to begin," +remarked a short time ago that distinguished thinker, M. Arniel of +Geneva. "Equality begets uniformity, and it is by the sacrifice of the +excellent, the remarkable, the extraordinary that we extirpate what +is bad. The whole becomes less coarse; but the whole becomes more +vulgar." We may at least hope that vulgarity will not yet a while +persecute freedom of mind. Descartes, living in the brilliant +seventeenth century, was nowhere so well off as at Amsterdam, because, +as "every one was engaged in trade there," no one paid any heed to +him. It may be that general vulgarity will one day be the condition +of happiness, for the worst American vulgarity would not send Giordano +Bruno to the stake or persecute Galileo. We have no right to be +very fastidious. In the past we were never more than tolerated. +This tolerance, if nothing more, we are assured of in the future. +A narrow-minded, democratic _regime_ is often, as we know, very +troublesome. But for all that men of intelligence find that they +can live in America, as long as they are not too exacting. _Noli me +tangere is_ the most one can ask for from democracy. We shall pass +through several alternatives of anarchy and despotism before we find +repose in this happy medium. But liberty is like truth; scarcely any +one loves it on its own account, and yet, owing to the impossibility +of extremes, one always comes back to it. + +We may as well, therefore, allow the destinies of this planet to +work themselves out without undue concern. We should gain nothing by +exclaiming against them, and a display of temper would be very much +out of place. It is by no means certain that the earth is not falling +short of its destiny, as has probably happened to countless worlds; +it is even possible that our age may one day be regarded as +the culminating point since which humanity has been steadily +deteriorating; but the universe does not know the meaning of the +word discouragement; it will commence anew the work which has come +to naught; each fresh check leaves it young, alert, and full of +illusions. Be of good cheer, Nature! Pursue, like the deaf and blind +star-fish which vegetates in the bed of the ocean, thy obscure task of +life; persevere; mend for the millionth time the broken meshes of the +net; repair the boring-machine which sinks to the last limits of the +attainable the well from which living water will spring up. Sight and +sight again the aim which thou hast failed to hit throughout the ages; +try to struggle through the scarcely perceptible opening which leads +to another firmament. Thou hast the infinity of time and space to try +the experiment. He who can commit blunders with impunity is always +certain to succeed. + +Happy they who shall have had a part in this great final triumph which +will be the complete advent of God! A Paradise lost is always, for him +who wills it so, a Paradise regained. Often as Adam must have mourned +the loss of Eden, I fancy that if he lived, as we are told, 930 years +after his fall, he must often have exclaimed: _Felix culpa!_ Truth is, +whatever may be said to the contrary, superior to all fictions. One +ought never to regret seeing clearer into the depths. By endeavouring +to increase the treasure of the truths which form the paid-up capital +of humanity, we shall be carrying on the work of our pious ancestors, +who loved the good and the true as it was understood in their time. +The most fatal error is to believe that one serves one's country by +calumniating those who founded it. All ages of a nation are leaves of +the self-same book. The true men of progress are those who profess as +their starting-point a profound respect for the past. All that we do, +all that we are, is the outcome of ages of labour. For my own part, +I never feel my liberal faith more firmly rooted in me than when I +ponder over the miracles of the ancient creed, nor more ardent for the +work of the future than when I have been listening for hours to the +bells of the city of Is. + +[Footnote 1: Upon the very day that this volume was going to press, +news reached me of the death of my brother, snapping the last thread +of the recollections of my childhood's home. My brother Alain was +a warm and true friend to me; he never failed to understand me, +to approve my course of action and to love me. His clear and sound +intellect and his great capacity for work adapted him for a profession +in which mathematical knowledge is of value or for magisterial +functions. The misfortunes of our family caused him to follow a +different career, and he underwent many hardships with unshaken +courage. He never complained of his lot, though life had scant +enjoyment save that which is derived from love of home. These joys +are, however, unquestionably the most unalloyed.] + + + + +THE FLAX-CRUSHER. + +PART I. + + +Treguier, my native place, has grown into a town out of an ancient +monastery founded at the close of the fifth century by St. Tudwal (or +Tual), one of the religious leaders of those great migratory movements +which introduced into the Armorican peninsula the name, the race, and +the religious institutions of the island of Britain. The predominating +characteristic of early British Christianity was its monastic +tendency, and there were no bishops, at all events among the +immigrants, whose first step, after landing in Brittany, the north +coast of which must at that time have been very sparsely inhabited, +was to build large monasteries, the abbots of which had the cure of +souls. A circle of from three to five miles in circumference, called +the _minihi_, was drawn around each monastery, and the territory +within it was invested with special privileges. + +The monasteries were called in the Breton dialect _pabu_ after the +monks (_papae_), and in this way the monastery of Treguier was known +as _Pabu Tual_. + +It was the religious centre of all that part of the peninsula which +stretches northward. Monasteries of a similar kind at St. Pol de Leon, +St. Brieuc, St. Malo, and St. Samson, near Dol, held a like position +upon the coast. They possessed, if one may so speak, their diocese, +for in these regions separated from the rest of Christianity nothing +was known of the power of Rome and of the religious institutions which +prevailed in the Latin world, or even in the Gallo-Roman towns of +Rennes and Nantes, hard by. + +When Nomenoe, in the ninth century, reduced to something like a +regular organisation this half savage society of emigrants and created +the Duchy of Brittany by annexing to the territory in which the +Breton tongue was spoken, the Marches of Brittany, established by the +Carlovingians to hold in respect the forayers of the west, he found it +advisable to assimilate its religious organisation to that of the rest +of the world. He determined, therefore, that there should be bishops +on the northern coast, as there were at Rennes, Nantes, and Vannes, +and he accordingly converted into bishoprics the monasteries of St. +Pol de Leon, Treguier, St. Brieuc, St. Malo, and Dol. He would +have liked to have had an archbishop as well and so form a separate +ecclesiastical province, but, despite the well-intentioned devices +employed to prove that St. Samson had been a metropolitan prelate, the +grades of the Church universal were already apportioned, and the new +bishoprics were perforce compelled to attach themselves to the nearest +Gallo-Roman province at Tours. + +The meaning of these obscure beginnings gradually faded away, and from +the name of _Pabu Tual, Papa Tual_, found, as was reported, upon some +old stained-glass windows, it was inferred that St. Tudwal had been +Pope. The explanation seemed a very simple one, for St. Tudwal, it was +well known, had been to Rome, and he was so holy a man that what could +be more natural than that the cardinals, when they became acquainted +with him, should have selected him for the vacant See. Such things +were always happening, and the godly persons of Treguier were +very proud of the pontifical reign of their patron saint. The more +reasonable ecclesiastics, however, admitted that it was no easy matter +to discover among the list, of popes the pontiff who previous to his +election was known as Tudwal. + +In course of time a small town grew up around the bishop's palace, +but the lay town, dependent entirely upon the Church, increased very +slowly. The port failed to acquire any importance, and no wealthy +trading class came into existence. A very fine cathedral was built +towards the close of the thirteenth century, and from the beginning +of the seventeenth the monasteries became so numerous that they formed +whole streets to themselves. The bishop's palace, a handsome building +of the seventeenth century, and a few canons' residences were the only +houses inhabited by people of civilized habits. In the lower part of +the town, at the end of the High Street, which was flanked by several +turreted buildings, were a few inns for the accommodation of the +sailors. + +It was only just before the Revolution that a petty nobility, +recruited for the most part from the country around, sprang up under +the shadow of the bishop's palace. Brittany contained two distinct +orders of nobility. The first derived its titles from the King of +France and displayed in a very marked degree the defects and the +qualities which characterised the French nobility. The other was of +Celtic origin and thoroughly Breton. This latter nobility comprised, +from the period of the invasion, the chief men of the parish, the +leaders of the people, of the same race as them, possessing by +inheritance the right of marching at their head and representing them. +No one was more deserving of respect than this country nobleman when +he remained a peasant, innocent of all intrigues or of any effort to +grow rich: but when he came to reside in town he lost nearly all +his good qualities and contributed but little to the moral and +intellectual progress of the country. + +The Revolution seemed for this agglomeration of priests and monks +neither more nor less than a death warrant. The last of the bishops of +Treguier left one evening by a back door leading into the wood behind +his palace and fled to England. The concordat abolished the bishopric, +and the unfortunate town was not even given a sub-prefect, Lannion and +Guingamp, which are larger and busier, being selected in preference. +But large buildings, fitted up so as to fulfil only one object, nearly +always lead to the reconstitution of the object to which they were +destined. We may say morally what is not true physically: when the +hollows of a shell are very deep, these hollows have the power of +re-forming the animal moulded in them. The vast monastic edifices of +Treguier were once more peopled, and the former seminary served for +the establishment of an ecclesiastical college, very highly esteemed +throughout the province. Treguier again became in a few years' time +what St. Tudwal had made it thirteen centuries before, a town of +priests, cut off from all trade and industry, a vast monastery within +whose walls no sounds from the outer world ever penetrated, where +ordinary human pursuits were looked upon as vanity and vexation of +spirit, while those things which laymen treated as chimerical were +regarded as the only realities. + +It was amid associations like these that I passed my childhood, and +it gave a bent to my character which has never been removed. The +cathedral, a masterpiece of airy lightness, a hopeless effort to +realise in granite an impossible ideal, first of all warped my +judgment. The long hours which I spent there are responsible for my +utter lack of practical knowledge. That architectural paradox made me +a man of chimeras, a disciple of St. Tudwal, St. Iltud, and St. Cadoc, +in an age when their teaching is no longer of any practical use. +When I went to the more secular town of Guingamp, where I had some +relatives of the middle class, I felt very ill at ease, and the only +pleasant companion I had there was an aged servant to whom I used +to read fairy tales. I longed to be back in the sombre old place, +overshadowed by its cathedral, but a living protest, so to speak, +against all that is mean and commonplace. I felt myself again when +I got back to the lofty steeple, the pointed nave, and the cloisters +with their fifteenth century tombs, being always at my ease when in +the company of the dead, by the side of the cavaliers and proud dames, +sleeping peacefully with their hound at their feet, and a massive +stone torch in their grasp. The outskirts of the town had the same +religious and idealistic aspect, and were enveloped in an atmosphere +of mythology as dense as Benares or Juggernaut. The church of +St. Michael, from which the open sea could be discerned, had been +destroyed by lightning and was the scene of many prodigies. Upon +Maunday Thursday the children of Treguier were taken there to see the +bells go off to Rome. We were blindfolded, and much we then enjoyed +seeing all the bells in the peal, beginning with the largest and +ending with the smallest, arrayed in the embroidered lace robes which +they had been dressed in upon their baptismal day, cleaving the air on +their way to Rome for the Pope's benediction. + +Upon the opposite side of the river there was the beautiful valley +of the Tromeur, watered by a sacred fountain which Christianity had +hallowed by connecting it with the worship of the Virgin. The chapel +was burnt down in 1828, but it was at once rebuilt, and the statue of +the Virgin was replaced by a much more handsome one. That fidelity +to the traditions of the past which is the chief trait in the Breton +character was very strikingly illustrated in this connection, for the +new statue, which was radiant with white and gold over the high altar, +received but few devotions, the prayers of the faithful being said to +the black and calcined trunk of the old statue which was relegated +to a corner of the chapel. The Bretons would have thought that to +pay their devotions to the new Virgin was tantamount to turning their +backs upon their predecessor. + +St. Yves was the object of even deeper popular devotion, the patron +saint of the lawyers having been born in the _minihi_ of Treguier, +where the church dedicated to him is held in great veneration. This +champion of the poor, the widows and the orphans, is looked upon as +the grand justiciary and avenger of wrong. Those who have been badly +used have only to repair to the solemn little chapel of _Saint Yves de +la Verite_, and to repeat the words: "Thou wert just in thy lifetime, +prove that thou art so still," to ensure that their oppressor will die +within the year. He becomes the protector of all those who are left +friendless, and at my father's death my mother took me to his chapel +and placed me under his tutelary care. I cannot say that the good St. +Yves managed our affairs very successfully, or gave me a very clear +understanding of my worldly interests, but I nevertheless have much to +thank him for, as he endowed me with a spirit of content which passeth +riches, and a native good humour which has never left me. + +The month of May, during which the festival of St. Yves fell, was +one long round of processions to the _minihi_, and as the different +parishes, preceded by their processional crucifixes, met in the +roads, the crucifixes were pressed one against the other in token of +friendship. Upon the eve of the festival the people assembled in the +church, and on the stroke of midnight the saint stretched out his arms +to bless the kneeling congregation. But if among them all there was +one doubting soul who raised his eyes to see if the miracle really did +take place, the saint, taking just offence at such a suspicion did not +move, and by the misconduct of this incredulous person, no benediction +was given. + +The clergy of the place, disinterested and honest to the core, +contrived to steer a middle course between not doing anything to +weaken these ideas and not compromising themselves. These worthy men +were my first spiritual guides, and I have them to thank for whatever +may be good in me. Their every word was my law, and I had so much +respect for them that I never thought to doubt anything they told me +until I was sixteen years of age, when I came to Paris. Since that +time I have studied under many teachers far more brilliant and +learned, but none have inspired such feelings of veneration, and this +has often led to differences of opinion between some of my friends and +myself. It has been my good fortune to know what absolute virtue is. I +know what faith is, and though I have since discovered how deep a +fund of irony there is in the most sacred of our illusions, yet the +experience derived from the days of old is very precious to me. I feel +that in reality my existence is still governed by a faith which I +no longer possess, for one of the peculiarities of faith is that its +action does not cease with its disappearance. Grace survives by mere +force of habit the living sensation of it which we have felt. In a +mechanical kind of way we go on doing what we had before been doing +in spirit and in truth. After Orpheus, when he had lost his ideal, +was torn to pieces by the Thracian women, his lyre still repeated +Eurydice's name. + +The point to which the priests attached the highest importance was +moral conduct, and their own spotless lives entitled them to be severe +in this respect, while their sermons made such an impression upon +me that during the whole of my youth I never once forgot their +injunctions. These sermons were so awe-inspiring, and many of the +remarks which they contained are so engraved upon my memory, that I +cannot even now recall them without a sort of tremor. For instance, +the preacher once referred to the case of Jonathan, who died for +having eaten a little honey. "_Gustans gustavi paululum mellis, et +ecce morior_." I lost myself in wonderment as to what this small +quantity of honey could have been which was so fatal in its effects. +The preacher said nothing to explain this, but heightened the effect +of his mysterious allusion with the words--pronounced in a very hollow +and lugubrious tone--_tetigisse periisse_. At other times the text +would be the passage from Jeremiah, "_Mors ascendit per fenestras_" +This puzzled me still more, for what could be this death which came +up through the windows, these butterfly wings which the lightest touch +polluted? The preacher pronounced the words with knitted brow and +uplifted eyes. But what perplexed me most of all was a passage in the +life of some saintly person of the seventeenth century who compared +women to firearms which wound from afar. This was quite beyond me, +and I made all manner of guesses as to how a woman could resemble +a pistol. It seemed so inconsistent to be told in one breath that a +woman wounds from afar, and in another that to touch her is perdition. +All this was so incomprehensible that I immersed myself in study, and +so contrived to clear my brain of it. + +Coming from persons in whom I felt unbounded confidence, these +absurdities carried conviction to my very soul, and even now, after +fifty years' hard experience of the world[1] the impression has not +quite worn off. The comparison between women and firearms made me very +cautious, and not until age began to creep over me did I see that this +also was vanity, and that the Preacher was right when he said: "Go thy +way, eat thy bread joyfully ... with the woman whom thou lovest." My +ideas upon this head outlived my ideas upon religion, and this is +why I have enjoyed immunity from the opprobrium which I should not +unreasonably have been subjected to if it could have been said that I +left the seminary for other reasons than those derived from philology. +The commonplace interrogation, "Where is the woman?" in which laymen +invariably look for an explanation of all such cases cannot but seem +a paltry attempt at humour to those who see things as they really are. +My early days were passed in this high school of faith and of respect. +The liberty in which so many giddy youths find themselves suddenly +landed was in my case acquired very gradually; and I did not attain +the degree of emancipation which so many Parisians reach without any +effort of their own, until I had gone through the German exegesis. +It took me six years of meditation and hard study to discover that my +teachers were not infallible. What caused me more grief than anything +else when I entered upon this new path was the thought of distressing +my revered masters; but I am absolutely certain that I was right, and +that the sorrow which they felt was the consequence of their narrow +views as to the economy of the universe. + + +[Footnote 1: This passage was written at Ischia in 1875.] + + + + +THE FLAX-CRUSHER. + +PART II. + + +The education which these worthy priests gave me was not a very +literary one. We turned out a good deal of Latin verse, but they would +not recognize any French poetry later than the _Religion_ of Racine +the younger. The name of Lamartine was pronounced only with a sneer, +and the existence of M. Hugo was not so much as known. To compose +French verse was regarded as a very dangerous habit, and would have +been sufficient to get a pupil expelled. I attribute partly to this my +inability to express thoughts in rhyme, and this inability has +often caused me great regret, for I have frequently felt a sort +of inspiration to do so, but have invariably been checked by the +association of ideas which has led me to regard versification as a +defect. Our studies of history and of the natural sciences were not +carried far, but, on the other hand, we went deep into mathematics, +to which I applied myself with the utmost zest, these abstract +combinations exercising a wonderful fascination over me. Our +professor, the good Abbe Duchesne, was particularly attentive in his +lessons to me and to my close friend and fellow-student Guyomar, +who displayed a great aptitude for this branch of study. We always +returned together from the college. Our shortest cut was by the +square, and we were too conscientious to deviate from the most direct +route; but when we had had to work out some problem more intricate +than usual our discussion of it lasted far beyond class-time, and on +those occasions we made our way home by the hospital. This road took +us past several large doors which were always shut, and upon which we +worked out our calculations and drew our figures in chalk. Traces +of them are perhaps visible there still, for these were the doors of +large monasteries, where nothing ever changes. + +The hospital-general, so called because it was the trysting-place +alike of disease, old age, and poverty, was a very large structure, +standing, like all old buildings, upon a good deal of ground, and +having very little accommodation. Just in front of the entrance +there was a small screen, where the inmates who were either well or +recovering from illness used to meet when the weather was fine, for +the hospital contained not only the sick, but the paupers, and even +persons who paid a small sum for board and lodging. At the first +glimpse of sunshine they all came to sit out beneath the shade of the +screen upon old cane chairs, and it was the most animated place in the +town. Guyomar and myself always exchanged the time of day with these +good people as we passed, and we were greeted with no little respect, +for though young we were regarded as already clerks of the Church. +This seemed quite natural, but there was one thing which excited our +astonishment, though we were too inexperienced to know much of the +world. + +Among the paupers in the hospital was a person whom we never passed +without surprise. This was an old maid of about five-and-forty, who +always wore over her head a hood of the most singular shape; as a +rule she was almost motionless, with a sombre and lost expression of +countenance, and with her eyes glazed and hard-set. When we went by +her countenance became animated, and she cast strange looks at us, +sometimes tender and melancholy, sometimes hard and almost ferocious. +If we looked back at her she seemed to be very much put out. We +could not understand all this, but it had the effect of checking our +conversation and any inclination to merriment. We were not exactly +afraid of her, for though she was supposed to be out of her mind, the +insane were not treated with the cruelty which has since been imported +into the conduct of asylums. So far from being sequestered they were +allowed to wander about all day long. There is as a rule a good deal +of insanity at Treguier, for, like all dreamy races, which exhaust +their mental energies in pursuit of the ideal, the Bretons of this +district only too readily allow themselves to sink, when they are +not supported by a powerful will, into a condition half way between +intoxication and folly, and in many cases brought about by the +unsatisfied aspirations of the heart. These harmless lunatics, whose +insanity differed very much in degree, were looked upon as part and +parcel of the town, and people spoke about "our lunatics" just as at +Venice people say "_nostre carampane_." One was constantly meeting +them, and they passed the time of day with us and made some joke, at +which, sickly as it was, we could not help smiling. They were treated +with kindness, and they often did a service in their turn. I shall +never forget a poor fellow called Brian, who believed that he was a +priest, and who passed part of the day in church, going through +the ceremonies of mass. There was a nasal drone to be heard in the +cathedral every afternoon, and this was Brian reciting prayers which +were doubtless not less acceptable than those of other people. The +cathedral officials had the good sense not to interfere with him, and +not to draw frivolous distinctions between the simple and the humble +who came to kneel before their God. + +The insane woman at the hospital was much less popular, on account +of her taciturn ways. She never spoke to any one, and no one knew +anything of her history. She never said a word to us boys, but her +haggard and wild look made a deep and painful impression upon us. I +have often thought since of this enigma, though without being able +to decipher it; but I obtained a clue to it eight years ago, when +my mother, who had attained the age of eighty-five without loss +of health, was overtaken by an illness which slowly undermined her +strength. + +My mother was in every respect, whether as regarded her ideas or her +associations, one of the old school. She spoke Breton perfectly, +and had at her fingers' ends all the sailors' proverbs and a host of +things which no one now remembers. She was a true woman of the people, +and her natural wit imparted a wonderful amount of life to the long +stories which she told and which few but herself knew. Her sufferings +did not in any way affect her spirits, and she was quite cheerful the +afternoon of her death. Of an evening I used to sit with her for an +hour in her room, with no other light--for she was very fond of this +semi-obscurity--than that of the gas-lamp in the street. Her lively +imagination would then assume free scope, and, as so often happens +with old people, the recollections of her early days came back with +special force and clearness. She could remember what Treguier and +Lannion were before the Revolution, and she would describe what the +different houses were like, and who lived in them. I encouraged her +by questions to wander on, as it amused her and kept her thoughts away +from her illness. + +Upon one occasion we began to talk of the hospital, and she gave me +the complete history of it. "Many changes," to use her own words, +"have occurred there since I first knew it. No one need ever feel any +shame at having been an inmate of it, for the most highly respected +persons have resided there. During the First Empire, and before the +indemnities were paid, it served as an asylum for the poor daughters +of the nobles, who might be seen sitting out at the entrance upon cane +chairs. Not a complaint ever escaped their lips, but when they saw the +persons who had acquired possession of their family property rolling +by in carriages, they would enter the chapel and engage in devotions +so as not to meet them. This was done not so much to avoid regretting +the loss of goods, of which they had made a willing sacrifice to God, +as from a feeling of delicacy lest their presence might embarrass +these _parvenus_. A few years later the parts were completely +reversed, but the hospital still continued to receive all sorts +of wreckage. It was there that your uncle, Pierre Renan, who led +a vagabond life, and passed all his time in taverns reading to the +tipplers the books he borrowed from us, died; and old Systeme, whom +the priests disliked though he was a very good man; and Gode, the old +sorceress, who, the day after you were born, went to tell your fortune +in the Lake of the Minihi; and Marguerite Calvez, who perjured herself +and was struck down with consumption the very day she heard that St. +Yves had been implored to bring about her death within the year."[1] + +"And who," I asked her, "was that mad woman who used to sit under the +screen, and of whom Guyomar and myself were so afraid?" + +Reflecting a moment to remember whom I meant, she replied, "Why, she +was the daughter of the flax-crusher." + +"Who was he?" + +"I have never told you that story. It is too old-fashioned to be +understood at the present day. Since I have come to Paris there are +many things to which I have never alluded.... These country nobles +were so much respected. I always considered them to be the genuine +noblemen. It would be no use telling this to the Parisians, they would +only laugh at me. They think that their city is everything, and in my +view they are very narrow-minded. People have no idea in the present +day how these old country noblemen were respected, poor as they were." + +Here my mother paused for a little, and then went on with the story, +which I will tell in her own words. + + +[Footnote 1: I may perhaps relate all these anecdotes at a future +time.] + + + + +THE FLAX-CRUSHER. + +PART III. + + +"Do you remember the little village of Tredarzec, the steeple of which +was visible from the turret of our house? About half a mile from the +village, which consisted of little more than the church, the priest's +house, and the mayor's office, stood the manor of Kermelle, which +was, like so many others, a well-kept farmhouse, of very antiquated +appearance, surrounded by a lofty wall, and grey with age. There was +a large arched doorway, surmounted by a V-shaped shelter roofed with +tiles, and at the side of this a smaller door for everyday use. At the +further end of the courtyard stood the house with its pointed roof and +its gables covered with ivy. The dovecote, a turret, and two or three +well-constructed windows not unlike those of a church, proved that +this was the residence of a noble, one of those old houses which were +inhabited, previous to the Revolution, by a class of men whose habits +and mode of life have now passed beyond the reach of imagination. + +"These country nobles were mere peasants,[1] but the first of their +class. At one time there was only one in each parish, and they were +regarded as the representatives and mouthpieces of the inhabitants, +who scrupulously respected their right and treated them with great +consideration. But towards the close of the last century they were +beginning to disappear very fast. The peasants looked upon them +as being the lay heads of the parish just as the priest was the +ecclesiastical head. He who held this position at Tredarzec of whom I +am speaking, was an elderly man of fine presence, with all the force +and vigour of youth, and a frank and open face; he wore his hair long, +but rolled up under a comb, only letting it fall on Sunday, when he +partook of the Sacrament. I can still see him--he often came to visit +us at Treguier--with his serious air and a tinge of melancholy, for +he was almost the sole survivor of his order, the majority having +disappeared altogether, while the others had come to live in towns. He +was a universal favourite. He had a seat all to himself in church, and +every Sunday he might be seen in it, just in front of the rest of +the congregation, with his old-fashioned dress and his long gloves +reaching almost to the elbow. When the Sacrament was about to be +administered he withdrew to the end of the choir, unfastened his hair, +laid his gloves upon a small stool placed expressly for him near the +rood screen, and walked up the aisle unassisted and erect. No one +approached the table until he had returned to his seat and put on his +gauntlets. + +"He was very poor, but he made a point of concealing it from the +public. These country nobles used to enjoy certain privileges which +enabled them to live rather better than the general mass of peasants, +but these gradually faded away, and Kermelle was in a very embarrassed +condition. He could not well work in the fields, and he kept in doors +all day, having an occupation which could be followed under cover. +When flax has ripened, it is put through a process of decortication, +which leaves only the textile fibre, and this was the work which poor +old Kermelle thought that he could do without loss of dignity. No +one saw him at it, and thus appearances were saved; but the fact was +generally known, and as it was the custom to give every one a nickname +he was soon known all the country over as 'the flax-crusher.' This +sobriquet, as so often happens, gradually took the place of his proper +name, and as 'the flax-crusher' he was soon generally known. + +"He was like a patriarch of old, and you would laugh if I told you +how the flax-crusher eked out his subsistence, and added to the scanty +wage which he received for this work. It was supposed that as head of +the village he had special gifts of healing, and that by the laying +on of his hands, and in other ways, he could cure many complaints. The +popular belief was that this power was only possessed by those who +had ever so many quartering, of nobility, and that he alone had the +requisite number. On certain days his house was besieged by people +who had come a distance of fifty miles. If a child was backward in +learning to walk or was weak on its legs, the parents brought it to +him. He moistened his fingers in his mouth and traced figures on the +child's loins, the result being that it soon was able to walk. He was +thoroughly in earnest, for these were the days of simple faith. Upon +no account would he have taken any money, and for the matter of that +the people who came to consult him were too poor to give him any, but +one brought a dozen eggs, another a flitch of bacon, a third a jar of +butter, or some fruit. He made no scruple about accepting these, and +though the nobles in the towns ridiculed him, they were very wrong in +doing so. He knew the country very well, and was the very incarnation +and embodiment of it. + +"At the outbreak of the Revolution he emigrated to Jersey, though +why it is difficult to understand, for no one assuredly would have +molested him, but the nobles of Treguier told him that such was the +king's order, and he went off with the rest. He was not long away, and +when he came back he found his old house, which had not been occupied, +just as he had left it. When the indemnities were distributed some +of his friends tried to persuade him to put in a claim; and there +was much, no doubt, which could have been said in support of it. But +though the other nobles were anxious to improve his position, he would +not hear of any such thing, his sole reply to all arguments being, +'I had nothing, and I could lose nothing.' He remained, therefore, as +poor as ever. + +"His wife died, I believe, while he was at Jersey, and he had a +daughter who was born about the same time. She was a tall and handsome +girl (you have only known her since she has lost her freshness), with +much natural vigour, a beautiful complexion, and no lack of generous +blood running through her veins. She ought to have been married +young, but that was out of the question, for those wretched little +starvelings of nobles in the small towns, who are good for nothing, +and not to be compared with him, would not have heard of her for their +sons. As a matter of etiquette she could not marry a peasant, and +so the poor girl remained, as it were, in mid-air, like a wandering +spirit. There was no place for her on earth. Her father was the last +of his race, and it seemed as if she had been brought into the world +with the destiny of not finding a place for herself in it. Endowed +with great physical beauty, she scarcely had any soul, and with her +instinct was everything. She would have made an excellent mother, but +failing marriage a religious vocation would have suited her best, +as the regular and austere mode of life would have calmed her +temperament. But her father, doubtless, could not afford to provide +her with a dowry, and his social condition forbade the idea of making +her a lay-sister. Poor girl, driven into the wrong path, she was fated +to meet her doom there. She was naturally upright and good, with a +full knowledge of her duties, and her only fault was that she had +blood in her veins. None of the young men in the village would have +dreamt of taking a liberty with her, so much was her father respected. +The feeling of her superiority prevented her from forming any +acquaintance with the young peasants, and they never thought of paying +their addresses to her. The poor girl lived, therefore, in a state of +absolute solitude, for the only other inhabitant of the house was a +lad of twelve or thirteen, a nephew, whom Kermelle had taken under his +care and to whom the priest, a good man if ever there was one, taught +what little Latin he knew himself. + +"The Church was the only source of pleasure left for her. She was of a +pious disposition, though not endowed with sufficient intelligence to +understand anything of the mysteries of our religion. The priest, very +zealous in the performance of his duties, felt no little respect for +the flax-crusher, and spent whatever leisure time he had at his +house. He acted as tutor to the nephew, treating the daughter with the +reserve which the clergy of Brittany make a point of showing in their +intercourse with the opposite sex. He wished her good day and inquired +after her health, but he never talked to her except on commonplace +subjects. The unfortunate girl fell violently in love with him. He was +the only person of her own station, so to speak, whom she ever saw, +and moreover, he was a young man of very taking appearance; combining +with an attitude of great outward modesty an air of subdued melancholy +and resignation. One could see that he had a heart and strong feeling, +but that a more lofty principle held them in subjection, or rather +that they were transformed into something higher. You know how +fascinating some of our Breton clergy are, and this is a fact very +keenly appreciated by women. The unshaken attachment to a vow, which +is in itself a sort of homage to their power, emboldens, attracts, and +flatters them. The priest becomes for them a trusty brother who +has for their sake renounced his sex and carnal delights. Hence is +begotten a feeling which is a mixture of confidence, pity, regret, +and gratitude. Allow priests to marry and you destroy one of the most +necessary elements of Catholic society. Women will protest against +such a change, for there is something which they esteem even more +than being loved, and that is for love to be made a serious business. +Nothing flatters a woman more than to let her see that she is feared, +and the Church by placing chastity in the first place among the duties +of its ministers, touches the most sensitive chord of female vanity. + +"The poor girl thus gradually became immersed in a deep love for +the priest. The virtuous and mystic race to which she belonged knew +nothing of the frenzy which overcomes all obstacles and which accounts +nothing accomplished so long as anything remains to be accomplished. +Her aspirations were very modest, and if he would only have admitted +the fact of her existence she would have been content. She did not +want so much as a look; a place in his thoughts would have been +enough. The priest was, of course, her confessor, for there was no +other in the parish. The mode of Catholic confession, so admirable +in some respects, but so dangerous, had a great effect upon her +imagination. It was inexpressibly pleasing to her to find herself +every Saturday alone with him for half an hour, as if she were face +to face with God, to see him discharging the functions of God, to feel +his breath, to undergo the welcome humiliation of his reprimands, to +confide to him her inmost thoughts, scruples, and fears. You must not +imagine, however, that she told him everything, for a pious woman +has rarely the courage to make use of the confessional for a love +confidence. She may perhaps give herself up to the enjoyment of +sentiments which are not devoid of peril, but there is always a +certain degree of mysticism about them which is not to be conciliated +with anything so horrible as sacrilege. At all events, in this +particular case, the girl was so shy that the words would have died +upon her lips, and her passion was a silent, inward, and devouring +fire. And with all this, she was compelled to see him every day and +many times a day; young and handsome, always following a dignified +calling, officiating with the people on their knees before him, the +judge and keeper of her own conscience. It was too much for her, and +her head began to go. Her vigorous organization, deflected from its +proper course, gave way, and her old father attributed to weakness +of mind what was the result of the ravages wrought by the fantastic +workings of a love-stricken heart. + +"Just as a mountain stream is turned from its course by some +insuperable barrier, the poor girl, with no means of making her +affection known to the object of it, found consolation in very +insignificant ways: to secure his notice for a moment, to be able to +render him any slight service, and to fancy that she was of use to him +was enough, and she may have said to herself, who can tell? he is +a man after all, and he may perhaps be touched in reality and only +restrained from showing that he is through discipline. All these +efforts broke against a bar of iron, a wall of ice. The priest +maintained the same cool reserve. She was the daughter of the man for +whom he felt the greatest respect; but she was a woman. Oh! if he had +avoided her, if he had treated her harshly, that would have been a +triumph and a proof that she had made his heart beat for her, but +there was something terrible about his unvarying politeness and his +utter disregard of the most potent signs of affection. He made no +attempt to keep her at a distance, but merely continued steadfastly to +treat her as a mere abstraction. + +"After the lapse of a certain time things got very bad. Rejected and +heartbroken, she began to waste away, and her eye grew haggard, but +she put a restraint upon herself, no one knew her secret! 'What,' she +would say to herself,' I cannot attract his notice for a moment; he +will not even acknowledge my existence; do what I will, I can only +be for him a _shadow_, a phantom, one soul among a hundred others. It +would be too much to hope for his love, but his notice, a look from +him.... To be the equal of one so learned, so near to God, is more +than I could hope, and to bear him children would be sacrilege; but +to be his, to be a Martha to him, to be his servant, discharging the +modest duties of which I am capable, so as to have all in common with +him, the household goods and all that concerns a humble woman who is +not initiated in any higher ideas, that would be heavenly!' She would +remain motionless for whole afternoons upon her chair, nursing this +idea. She could see him and picture herself with him, loading him with +attentions, keeping his house, and pressing the hem of his garment. +She thrust away these idle dreams from her but after having been +plunged in them for hours she was deadly pale and oblivious of all +those who were about her. Her father might have noticed it, but what +could the poor old man do to cure an evil which it would be impossible +for a simple soul like his so much as to conceive. + +"So things went on for about a year. The probability is that the +priest saw nothing, so firmly do our clergy adhere to the resolution +of living in an atmosphere of their own. This only added fuel to the +fire. Her love became a worship, a pure adoration, and so she gained +comparative peace of mind. Her imagination took quite a childish turn, +and she wanted to be able to fancy that she was employed in doing +things for him. She had got to dream while awake, and, like a +somnambulist, to perform acts in a semi-unconscious state. Day and +night, one thought haunted her: she fancied herself tending him, +counting his linen, and looking after all the details of his +household, which were too petty to occupy his thoughts. All these +fancies gradually took shape, and led up to an act only to be +explained by the mental state to which she had for some time been +reduced." + +What follows would indeed be incomprehensible without a knowledge of +certain peculiarities in the Breton character. The most marked feature +in the people of Brittany is their affection. Love is with them a +tender, deep, and affectionate sentiment, rather than a passion. It +is an inward delight which wears and consumes, differing _toto caelo_ +from the fiery passion of southern races. + +The paradise of their dreams is cool and green, with no fierce heat. +There is no race which yields so many victims to love; for, though +suicide is rare, the gradual wasting away which is called consumption +is very Prevalent. It is often so with the young Breton conscripts. +Incapable of finding any satisfaction in mercenary intrigues, +they succumb to an indefinable sort of languor, which is called +home-sickness, though, in reality, love with them is indissolubly +associated with their native village, with its steeple and vesper +bells, and with the familiar scenes of home. The hot-blooded +southerner kills his rival, as he may the object of his passion. The +sentiment of which I am speaking is fatal only to him who is possessed +by it, and this is why the people of Brittany are so chaste a race. +Their lively imagination creates an aerial world which satisfies their +aspirations. The true poetry of such a love as this is the sonnet on +spring in the Song of Solomon, which is far more voluptuous than it is +passionate. "Hiems transiit; imber abiit et recessit.... Vox turturis +audita est in terra nostra.... Surge, amica mea, et veni." + + +[Footnote 1: What grand _landwehr_ leaders they would have made! There +are no such men in the present day.] + + + + +THE FLAX-CRUSHER + +PART IV. + + +My mother, resuming her story, went on to say:-- + +"We are all, as a matter of fact, at the mercy of our illusions, and +the proof of this is that in many cases nothing is easier than to +take in Nature by devices which she is unable to distinguish from the +reality. I shall never forget the daughter of Marzin, the carpenter in +the High Street, who, losing her senses owing to a suppression of the +maternal sentiment, took a log of wood, dressed it up in rags, placed +on the top of it a sort of baby's cap, and passed the day in fondling, +rocking, hugging, and kissing this artificial infant. When it was +placed in the cradle beside her of an evening, she was quiet all +night. There are some instincts for which appearances suffice, and +which can be kept quiet by fictions. Thus it was that Kermelle's +daughter succeeded in giving reality to her dreams. Her ideal was a +life in common with the man she loved, and the one which she shared in +fancy was not, of course, that of a priest, but the ordinary domestic +life. She was meant for the conjugal existence, and her insanity +was the result of an instinct for housekeeping being checkmated. She +fancied that her aspiration was realized and that she was keeping +house for the man whom she loved; and as she was scarcely capable of +distinguishing between her dreams and the reality she was the victim +of the most incredible aberrations, which prove in the most effectual +way the sacred laws of nature and their inevitable fatality. + +"She passed her time in hemming and marking linen, which, in her idea, +was for the house where she was to pass her life at the feet of her +adored one. The hallucination went so far that she marked the linen +with the priest's initials; often with his and her own interlaced. She +plied her needle with a very deft hand, and would work for hours at +a stretch, absorbed in a delicious reverie. So she satisfied her +cravings, and passed through moments of delight which kept her happy +for days. + +"Thus the weeks passed, while she traced the name so dear to her, and +associated it with her own--this alone being a pastime which consoled +her. Her hands were always busy in his service, and the linen which +she had sewn for him seemed to be herself. It would be used and +touched by him, and there was deep joy in the thought. She would be +always deprived of him, it was true, but the impossible must remain +the impossible, and she would have drawn herself as near to him as +could be. For a whole year she fed in fancy upon her pitiful little +happiness. Alone, and with her eyes intent upon her work, she lived +in another world, and believed herself to be his wife in a humble +measure. The hours flowed on slowly like the motion of her needle; her +hapless imagination was relieved. And then she at times indulged in a +little hope. Perhaps he would be touched, even to tears, when he made +the discovery, testifying to her great love. 'He will see how I love +him, and he will understand how sweet it is to be brought together.' +She would be wrapped for days at a time in these dreams, which were +nearly always followed by a period of extreme prostration. + +"In course of time the work was completed, and then came the question, +'What should she do with it?' The idea of compelling him to accept +a service, to be under some sort of obligation to her, took complete +possession of her mind. She determined to steal his gratitude, if I +may so express myself; to compel him by force to feel obliged to her; +and this was the plan she resolved upon. It was devoid of all sense or +reason, but her mind was gone, and she had long since been led away by +the vagaries of her disordered imagination. The festivals of Christmas +were about to be celebrated. After the midnight mass the priest was +in the habit of entertaining the mayor and the notabilities of the +village at supper. His house adjoined the church, and besides the +principal door opening on to the village square, there were two +others, one leading into the vestry and so into the church, and +another into the garden and the fields beyond. Kermelle Manor was +about five hundred yards distant, and to save the nephew--who took +lessons from the priest--making a long round, he had been given a key +of this back door. The daughter got possession of this key while the +mass was being celebrated, and entered the house. The priest's servant +had laid the cloth in advance, so as to be free to attend mass, and +the poor daft girl hurriedly removed the tablecloth and napkins and +hid them in the manor-house. When mass was over the theft was detected +at once, and caused very great surprise, the first thing noticed being +that the linen alone had been taken. The priest was unwilling to let +his guests go away supperless, and while they were consulting as to +what to do, the girl herself arrived, saying, 'You will not decline +our good offices this time, Monsieur le Cure. You shall have our +linen here in a few minutes.' Her father expressed himself in the same +sense, and the priest could not but assent, little dreaming of what a +trick had been played upon him by a person who was generally supposed +to be so wanting in intelligence. + +"This singular robbery was further investigated the next day. There +was no sign of any force having been used to get into the house. +The main door and the one leading into the garden were untouched and +locked as usual. It never occurred to any one that the key intrusted +to young Kermelle could have been used to commit the robbery. It +followed, therefore, that the theft must have been committed by way +of the vestry door. The clerk had been in the church all the time, +but his wife had been in and out. She had been to the fire to get some +coals for the censers, and had attended to two or three other little +details; and so suspicion fell on her. She was a very respectable +woman, and it seemed most improbable that she would be guilty of such +an offence, but the appearances were dead against her. There was +no getting away from the argument that the thief had entered by the +vestry door, that she alone could have gone through this door, and +that, as she herself admits, she did go through it. The far too +prevalent idea of those days was that every offence must be followed +by an arrest. This gave a very high idea of the extraordinary sagacity +of justice, of its prompt perspicacity, and of the rapidity with which +it tracked out crime. The unfortunate woman was walked off between two +gendarmes. The effect produced by the gendarmes, with their burnished +arms and imposing cross-belts, when they made their appearance in +a village, was very great. All the spectators were in tears; the +prisoner alone retained her composure, and told them all that she was +convinced her innocence would be made clear. + +"As a matter of fact, within forty-eight hours it was seen that a +blunder had been committed. Upon the third day, the villagers hardly +ventured to speak to one another on the subject, for they all of them +had the same idea in their heads, though they did not like to give +utterance to it. The idea seemed to them not less absurd than it was +self-evident, viz., that the flax-crusher's key must have been used +for the robbery. The priest remained within doors so as to avoid +having to give utterance to the suspicion which obtruded itself upon +him. He had not as yet examined very closely the linen which had been +sent from the manor in place of his own. His eyes happened to +fall upon the initials, and he was too surprised to understand the +mysterious allusion of the two letters, being unable to follow the +strange hallucinations of an unhappy lunatic. + +"While he was immersed in melancholy reflection, the flax-crusher +entered the room, with his figure as upright as ever but pale as +death. The old man stood up in front of the priest and burst into +tears, exclaiming: 'It is my miserable girl. I ought to have kept a +closer watch over her and have found out what her thoughts were +about, but with her constant melancholy she gave me the slip.' He then +revealed the secret, and within an hour the stolen linen was brought +back to the priest's house. The delinquent had hoped that the scandal +would soon be forgotten, and that she would revel in peace over the +success of her little plot, but the arrest of the clerk's wife and the +sensation which it caused spoilt the whole thing. If her moral sense +had not been entirely obliterated, her first thought would have been +to get the clerk's wife set at liberty, but she paid little or no +heed to that. She was plunged in a kind of stupor which had nothing +in common with remorse, and what so prostrated her was the evident +failure of her attempt to move the feelings of the priest. Most men +would have been touched by the revelation of so ardent a passion, but +the priest was unmoved. He banished all thought of this remarkable +event from his mind, and when he was fully convinced of the imprisoned +woman's innocence he went to sleep, celebrated mass the next morning, +and recited his breviary just as if nothing had happened. + +"That a blunder had been committed in arresting this woman then became +painfully evident, as but for this the matter might have been hushed +up. There had been no actual robbery, but after an innocent woman +had been several days in prison on the charge of theft, it was very +difficult to let the real culprit go unpunished. Her insanity was not +self-evident, and it may even be said that there were no outward signs +of it. Up to that time it had never occurred to anyone that she was +insane, for there was nothing singular in her conduct except her +extreme taciturnity. It was easy, therefore, to question her insanity, +while the true explanation of the act was so incredible and so strange +that her friends could not well bring it forward. The fact of having +allowed the clerk's wife to be arrested was inexcusable. If the taking +of the linen had only been a joke, the perpetrator ought to have +brought it to an end when a third person was made a victim of it. She +was arrested and taken to St. Brieuc for the assizes. Her prostration +was so complete that she seemed to be out of the world. Her dream was +over, and the fancy upon which she had fed and which had sustained her +for a time had fled. She was not in the least violent but so dejected +that when the medical men examined her they at once saw what was the +true state of the case. + +"The case was soon disposed of in court. She would not reply a word +to the examining judge. The flax-crusher came into court erect and +self-possessed as usual, with a look of resignation on his face. He +came up to the bar of the witness-box and deposited upon the ledge +his gloves, his cross of St. Louis, and his scarf. 'Gentlemen of the +jury,' he said. 'I can only put these on again if you tell me to do +so; my honour is in your hands. She is the culprit, but she is not +a thief. She is ill.' The poor fellow burst into tears, and his +utterance was choked with them. There was a general murmur of 'Don't +carry it any further.' The counsel for the Crown had the tact not to +enter upon a dissertation as to a singular case of amorous physiology +and abandoned the prosecution. + +"The jury, all of whom were in tears, did not take long to deliberate. +When the verdict of acquittal was recorded the flax-crusher put on his +decorations again and left the court as quickly as possible, taking +his daughter back with him to the village at nightfall. + +"The scandal was such a public one that the priest could not fail to +learn the truth in respect to many matters which he had endeavoured +to ignore. This, however, did not affect him, and he did not ask the +bishop to remove him to another parish, nor did the bishop suggest any +change. It might be thought that he must have felt some embarrassment +the first time that he met Kermelle and his daughter. But such was not +the case. He went to the manor at an hour when he knew that he would +find Kermelle and his daughter at home, and addressing himself to the +latter he said: 'You have been guilty of a great sin, not so much by +your folly, for which God will forgive you, but in allowing one of +the best of women to be sent to gaol. An innocent woman has, by your +misconduct, been treated for several days as a thief, and carried off +to prison by gendarmes in the sight of the whole parish. You owe her +some sort of reparation. On Sunday, the clerk's wife will be seated as +usual in the last row, near the church-door; at the Belief, you will +go and fetch her and lead her by the hand to your seat of honour, +which she is better worthy to occupy than you are." + +The poor creature did mechanically what she was bid, and she had +ceased to be a sentient being. From this time forth, little was ever +seen of the flax-crusher and his family. The manor had become, as it +were, a tomb, from which issued no sign of life. + +The clerk's wife was the first to die. The emotion had been too +much for this simple soul. She had never doubted the goodness of +Providence, but the whole business had upset her, and she gradually +grew weaker. She was a saintly woman, with the most exquisite +sentiment of devotion for the Church. This would scarcely be +understood now in Paris, where the church, as a building, goes for so +little. One Saturday evening, she felt her end approaching, and +her joy was great. She sent for the priest, her mind full of a +long-cherished project, which was that during high mass on Sunday her +body should be laid upon the trestles which are used for the coffins. +It would be joy indeed to hear mass once again, even in death, to +listen to those words of consolation and those hymns of salvation; +to be present there beneath the funeral pall, amid the assembled +congregation, the family which she had so dearly loved, to hear them +all, herself unseen, while all their thoughts and prayers were for +her, to hold communion once again with these pious souls before being +laid in the earth. Her prayer was granted, and the priest pronounced a +very edifying discourse over her grave. + +"The old man lived on for several years, dying inch by inch, secluded +in his house, and never conversing with the priest. He attended +church, but did not occupy his front seat. He was so strong that his +agony lasted eight or ten years. + +"His walks were confined to the avenue of tall lime-trees which +skirted the manor. While pacing up and down there one day, he saw +something strange upon the horizon. It was the tricolour flag floating +from the steeple of Treguier; the Revolution of 1830 had just been +effected. When he learnt that the king was an exile, he saw only too +well that he had been bearing his part in the closing scenes of a +world. The professional duty to which he had sacrificed everything +ceased to have any object. He did not regret having formed too high +an idea of duty, and it never occurred to him that he might have +grown rich as others had done; but he lost faith in all save God. The +Carlists of Treguier went about declaring that the new order of things +would not last, and that the rightful king would soon return. He +only smiled at these foolish predictions, and died soon afterwards, +assisted in his last moments by the priest, who expounded to him that +beautiful passage in the burial service: 'Be not like the heathen, who +are without hope.' + +"After his death his daughter was totally unprovided for, and +arrangements were made for placing her in the hospital where you saw +her. No doubt she, too, is dead ere this, and another sleeps in her +bed at the hospital." + + + + +PRAYER ON THE ACROPOLIS. + + +It was not until I was well advanced in life that I began to have any +souvenirs. The imperious necessity which compelled me during my early +years to solve for myself, not with the leisurely deliberation of the +thinker, but with the feverish ardour of one who has to struggle for +life, the loftiest problems of philosophy and religion never left me +a quarter of an hour's leisure to look behind me. Afterwards dragged +into the current of the century in which I lived, and concerning which +I was in complete ignorance, there was suddenly disclosed to my gaze a +spectacle as novel to me as the society of Saturn or Venus would be +to any one landed in those planets. It struck me as being paltry and +morally inferior to what I had seen at Issy and St. Sulpice; though +the great scientific and critical attainments of men like Eugene +Burnouf, the brilliant conversation of M. Cousin, and the revival +brought about by Germany in nearly all the historical sciences, +coupled with my travels and the fever of production, carried me away +and prevented me from meditating on the years which were already +relegated to what seemed like a distant past. My residence in Syria +tended still further to obliterate my early recollections. The new +sensations which I experienced there, the glimpses which I caught of +a divine world, so different from our frigid and sombre countries, +absorbed my whole being. My dreams were haunted for a time by the +burnt-up mountain-chain of Galaad and the peak of Safed, where the +Messiah was to appear, by Carmel and its beds of anemone sown by +God, by the Gulf of Aphaca whence issues the river Adonis. Strangely +enough, it was at Athens, in 1865, that I first felt a strong backward +impulse, the effect being that of a fresh and bracing breeze coming +from afar. + +The impression which Athens made upon me was the strongest which I +have ever felt. There is one and only one place in which perfection +exists, and that is Athens, which outdid anything I had ever imagined. +I had before my eyes the ideal of beauty crystallised in the marble of +Pentelicus. I had hitherto thought that perfection was not to be +found in this world; one thing alone seemed to come anywhere near to +perfection. For some time past I had ceased to believe in miracles +strictly so called, though the singular destiny of the Jewish people, +leading up to Jesus and Christianity, appeared to me to stand alone. +And now suddenly there arose by the side of the Jewish miracle the +Greek miracle, a thing which has only existed once, which had never +been seen before, which will never be seen again, but the effect of +which will last for ever, an eternal type of beauty, without a single +blemish, local or national. I of course knew before I went there that +Greece had created science, art, and philosophy, but the means of +measurement were wanting. The sight of the Acropolis was like a +revelation of the Divine, such as that which I experienced when, +gazing down upon the valley of the Jordan from the heights of Casyoun, +I first felt the living reality of the Gospel. The whole world then +appeared to me barbarian. The East repelled me by its pomp, its +ostentation, and its impostures. The Romans were merely rough +soldiers; the majesty of the noblest Roman of them all, of an Augustus +and a Trajan, was but attitudinising compared to the ease and simple +nobility of these proud and peaceful citizens. Celts, Germans, and +Slavs appeared as conscientious but scarcely civilised Scythians. Our +own Middle Ages seemed to me devoid of elegance and style, disfigured +by misplaced pride and pedantry, Charlemagne was nothing more than an +awkward German stableman; our chevaliers louts at whom Themistocles +and Alcibiades would have laughed. But here you had a whole people +of aristocrats, a general public composed entirely of connoisseurs, +a democracy which was capable of distinguishing shades of art so +delicate that even our most refined judges can scarcely appreciate +them. Here you had a public capable of understanding in what consisted +the beauty of the Propylon and the superiority of the sculptures of +the Parthenon. This revelation of true and simple grandeur went to +my very soul. All that I had hitherto seen seemed to me the +awkward effort of a Jesuitical art, a rococo mixture of silly pomp, +charlatanism, and caricature. + +These sentiments were stronger as I stood on the Acropolis than +anywhere else. An excellent architect with whom I had travelled would +often remark that to his mind the truth of the gods was in proportion +to the solid beauty of the temples reared in their honour. Judged by +this standard, Athens would have no rival. What adds so much to the +beauty of the buildings is their absolute honesty and the respect +shown to the Divinity. The parts of the building not seen by the +public are as well constructed as those which meet the eye; and +there are none of those deceptions which, in French churches more +particularly, give the idea of being intended to mislead the +Divinity as to the value of the offering. The aspect of rectitude and +seriousness which I had before me caused me to blush at the thought +of having often done sacrifice to a less pure ideal. The hours which +I passed on the sacred eminence were hours of prayer. My whole life +unfolded itself, as in a general confession, before my eyes. But the +most singular thing was that in confessing my sins I got to like them, +and my resolve to become classical eventually drove me into just the +opposite direction. An old document which I have lighted upon among my +memoranda of travel contains the following:-- + +_Prayer which I said on the Acropolis when I had succeeded in +understanding the perfect beauty of it_. + +"Oh! nobility! Oh! true and simple beauty! Goddess, the worship of +whom signifies reason and wisdom, thou whose temple is an eternal +lesson of conscience and truth, I come late to the threshold of thy +mysteries; I bring to the foot of thy altar much remorse. Ere finding +thee, I have had to make infinite search. The initiation which thou +didst confer by a smile upon the Athenian at his birth I have acquired +by force of reflection and long labour. + +"I am born, O goddess of the blue eyes, of barbarian parents, +among the good and virtuous Cimmerians who dwell by the shore of a +melancholy sea, bristling with rocks ever lashed by the storm. The +sun is scarcely known in this country, its flowers are seaweed, marine +plants, and the coloured shells which are gathered in the recesses +of lonely bays. The clouds seem colourless, and even joy is rather +sorrowful there; but fountains of fresh water spring out of the rocks, +and the eyes of the young girls are like the green fountains in which, +with their beds of waving herbs, the sky is mirrored. + +"My forefathers, as far as we can trace them, have passed their lives +in navigating the distant seas, which thy Argonauts knew not, I used +to hear as a child the songs which told of voyages to the Pole; I was +cradled amid the souvenir of floating ice, of misty seas like milk, +of islands peopled with birds which now and again would warble, and +which, when they rose in flight, darkened the air. + +"Priests of a strange creed, handed down from the Syrians of +Palestine, brought me up. These priests were wise and good. They +taught me long lessons of Cronos, who created the world, and of his +son, who, as they told me, made a journey upon earth. Their temples +are thrice as lofty as thine, O Eurhythmia, and dense like forests. +But they are not enduring, and crumble to pieces at the end of five or +six hundred years. They are the fantastic creation of barbarians, who +vainly imagine that they can succeed without observing the rules which +thou hast laid down, O Reason! Yet these temples pleased me, for I +had not then studied thy divine art and God was present to me in them. +Hymns were sung there, and among those which I can remember were: +'Hail, star of the sea.... Queen of those who mourn in this valley of +tears ...' or again, 'Mystical rose, tower of ivory, house of gold, +star of the morning....' Yes, Goddess, when I recall these hymns of +praise my heart melts, and I become almost an apostate. Forgive +me this absurdity; thou canst not imagine the charm which these +barbarians have imparted to verse, and how hard it is to follow the +path of pure reason. + +"And if thou knewest how difficult it has become to serve thee. All +nobility has disappeared. The Scythians have conquered the world. +There is no longer a Republic of free citizens; the world is governed +by kings whose blood scarcely courses in their veins, and at whose +majesty thou wouldst smile. Heavy hyperboreans denounce thy servants +as frivolous.... A formidable _Panbaeotia_, a league of fools, weighs +down upon the world with a pall of lead. Thou must fain despise even +those who pay thee worship. Dost thou remember the Caledonian who half +a century ago broke up thy temple with a hammer to carry it away with +him to Thule? He is no worse than the rest.... I wrote in accordance +with some of the rules which thou lovest, O Theonoe, the life of the +young god whom I served in my childhood, and for this they beat me +like a Euhemerus and wonder what my motives can be, believing only in +those things which enrich their trapezite tables. And why do we write +the lives of the gods if it is not to make the reader love what is +divine in them, and to show that this divine past yet lives and will +ever live in the heart of humanity? + +"Dost thou remember the day when, Dionysodorus being archon, an ugly +little Jew, speaking the Greek of the Syrians, came hither, +passed beneath thy porch without understanding thee, misread thy +inscriptions, and imagined that he had discovered within thy walls an +altar dedicated to what he called the Unknown God? Well, this little +Jew was believed; for a thousand years thou hast been treated as an +idol, O Truth! for a thousand years the world has been a desert +in which no flower bloomed. And all this time thou wert silent, O +Salpinx, clarion of thought. Goddess of order, image of celestial +stability, those who loved thee were regarded, as culprits, and now, +when by force of conscientious labour we have succeeded in drawing +near to thee, we are accused of committing a crime against human +intelligence because we have burst the chains which Plato knew not. + +"Thou alone art young, O Cora; thou alone art pure, O Virgin; thou +alone art healthy, O Hygeia; thou alone art strong, O Victory! Thou +keepest the cities, O Promachos; thou hast the blood of Mars in thee, +O Area; peace is thy aim, O Pacifica! O Legislatress, source of just +constitutions; O Democracy[1] thou whose fundamental dogma it is +that all good things come from the people, and that where there is no +people to fertilise and inspire genius there can be none, teach us to +extricate the diamond from among the impure multitudes! Providence of +Jupiter, divine worker, mother of all industry, protectress of labour, +O Ergane, thou who ennoblest the labour of the civilised worker and +placest him so far above the slothful Scythian; Wisdom, thou whom +Jupiter begot with a breath; thou who dwellest within thy father, +a part of his very essence; thou who art his companion and his +conscience; Energy of Zeus, spark which kindles and keeps aflame the +fire in heroes and men of genius, make us perfect spiritualists! +On the day when the Athenians and the men of Rhodes fought for the +sacrifice, thou didst choose to dwell among the Athenians as being the +wisest. But thy father caused Plutus to descend in a shower of gold +upon the city of the Rhodians because they had done homage to his +daughter. The men of Rhodes were rich, but the Athenians had wit, that +is to say, the true joy, the ever-enduring good humour, the divine +youth of the heart. + +"The only way of salvation for the world is by returning to thy +allegiance, by repudiating its barbarian ties. Let us hasten into thy +courts. Glorious will be the day when all the cities which have stolen +the fragments of thy temple, Venice, Paris, London, and Copenhagen, +shall make good their larceny, form holy alliances to bring these +fragments back, saying: 'Pardon us, O Goddess, it was done to save +them from the evil genii of the night,' and rebuild thy walls to the +sound of the flute, thus expiating the crime of Lysander the infamous! +Thence they shall go to Sparta and curse the site where stood that +city, mistress of sombre errors, and insult her because she is no +more. Firm in my faith, I shall have force to withstand my evil +counsellors, my scepticism, which leads me to doubt of the people, my +restless spirit which, after truth has been brought to light, impels +me to go on searching for it, and my fancy which cannot be still even +when Reason has pronounced her judgment. O Archegetes, ideal which the +man of genius embodies in his masterpieces, I would rather be last in +thy house than first in any other. Yes, I will cling to the stylobate +of thy temple, I will be a stylites on thy columns, my cell shall be +upon thy architrave and, what is more difficult still, for thy sake +I will endeavour to be intolerant and prejudiced. I will love thee +alone. I will learn thy tongue, and unlearn all others. I will be +unjust for all that concerns not thee; I will be the servant of the +least of thy children. I will exalt and natter the present inhabitants +of the earth which thou gavest to Erechthea. I will endeavour to like +their very defects; I will endeavour to persuade myself, O Hippia, +that they are descendants of the horsemen who, aloft upon the marble +of thy frieze celebrate without ceasing their glad festival. I will +pluck out of my heart every fibre which is not reason and pure art. +I will try to love my bodily ills, to find delight in the flush of +fever. Help me! Further my resolutions, O Salutaris! Help, thou who +savest! + +"Great are the difficulties which I foresee. Inveterate the habits of +mind which I shall have to change. Many the delightful recollections +which I shall have to pluck out of my heart. I will try, but I am not +very confident of my power. Late in life have I known thee, O perfect +Beauty. I shall be beset with hesitations and temptation to fall +away. A philosophy, perverse no doubt in its teachings, has led me to +believe that good and evil, pleasure and pain, the beautiful and +the ungainly, reason and folly, fade into one another by shades as +impalpable as those in a dove's neck. To feel neither absolute love +nor absolute hate becomes therefore wisdom. If any one society, +philosophy, or religion, had possessed absolute truth, this society, +philosophy, or religion, would have vanquished all the others and +would be the only one now extant. All those who have hitherto believed +themselves to be right were in error, as we see very clearly. Can we +without utter presumption believe that the future will not judge us as +we have judged the past? Such are the blasphemous ideas suggested to +me by my corrupt mind. A literature wholesome in all respects like +thine would now be looked upon as wearisome. + +"Thou smilest at my simplicity. Yes, weariness. We are corrupt; what +is to be done? I will go further, O orthodox Goddess, and confide to +you the inmost depravation of my heart. Reason and common sense are +not all-satisfying. There is poetry in the frozen Strymon and in the +intoxication of the Thracian. The time will come when thy disciples +will be regarded as the disciples of _ennui_. The world is greater +than thou dost suppose. If thou hadst seen the Polar snows and the +mysteries of the austral firmament thy forehead, O Goddess, ever so +calm, would be less serene; thy head would be larger and would embrace +more varied kinds of beauty. + +"Thou art true, pure, perfect; thy marble is spotless; but the temple +of Hagia-Sophia, which is at Byzantium, also produces a divine effect +with its bricks and its plaster-work. It is the image of the vault of +heaven. It will crumble, but if thy chapel had to be large enough to +hold a large number of worshippers it would crumble also. + +"A vast stream called Oblivion hurries us downward towards a nameless +abyss. Thou art the only true God, O Abyss! the tears of all nations +are true tears; the dreams of all wise men comprise a parcel of truth; +all things here below are mere symbols and dreams. The Gods pass away +like men; and it would not be well for them to be eternal. The faith +which we have felt should never be a chain, and our obligations to it +are fully discharged when we have carefully enveloped it in the purple +shroud within the folds of which slumber the Gods that are dead." + + +[Footnote 1: [Greek: ATHAENAS DAEMOKRATIAS], Le Bas. I. 32nd Inscrip.] + + + + +ST. RENAN. + + +When I come to look at things very closely, I see that I have changed +very little; my destiny had practically welded me, from my earliest +youth, to the place which I was to hold in the world. My vocation was +thoroughly matured when I came to Paris; before leaving Brittany my +life had been mapped out. By the mere force of things, and despite +my conscientious efforts to the contrary, I was predestined to +become what I am, a member of the romantic school, protesting against +romanticism, a Utopian inculcating the doctrine of half-measures, an +idealist unsuccessfully attempting to pass muster for a Philistine, a +tissue of contradictions, resembling the double-natured _hircocerf_ +of scholasticism. One of my two halves must have been busy demolishing +the other half, like the fabled beast of Ctesias which unwittingly +devoured its own paws. As was well said by that keen observer, +Challemel-Lacour: "He thinks like a man, feels like a woman, and acts +like a child." I have no reason to complain of such being the case, as +this moral constitution has procured for me the keenest intellectual +joys which man can taste. + +My race, my family, my native place, and the peculiar circle in which +I was brought up, by diverting me from all material pursuits, and by +rendering me unfit for anything except the treatment of things of the +mind, had made of me an idealist, shut out from everything else. The +application of my intellect might have been a different one, but the +principle would have remained the same. The true sign of a vocation +is the impossibility of getting away from it: that is to say, of +succeeding in anything except that for which one was created. The man +who has a vocation mechanically sacrifices everything to his dominant +task. External circumstances might, as so often happens, have checked +the cause of my life and prevented me from following my natural bent, +but my utter incapability of succeeding in anything else would have +been the protest of baffled duty, and Predestination would in one way +have been triumphant by proving the subject of the experiment to be +powerless outside the kind of labour for which she had selected him. +I should have succeeded in any variety of intellectual application; I +should have failed miserably in any calling which involved the pursuit +of material interests. + +The characteristic feature of all degrees of the Breton race is its +idealism--the endeavour to attain a moral and intellectual aim, which +is often erroneous but always disinterested. There never was a race of +men less suited for industry and trade. They can be got to do anything +by putting them upon their honour; but material gain is deemed +unworthy of a man of spirit, the noblest occupations being those which +bring no profit, as of the soldier, the sailor, the priest, the true +gentleman who derives from his land no more than the amount sanctioned +by long tradition, the magistrate and the thinker. These ideas are +based upon the theory, an incorrect one perhaps, that wealth is only +to be acquired by taking advantage of others, and grinding down the +poor. The outcome of these views is that the man of wealth is not +thought nearly so much of as he who devotes himself to the public +welfare, or who represents the views of the district. The people have +no patience with the idea, very prevalent among self-made men, that +their accumulation of wealth confers a benefit upon the community. +When in former times they were told that "the king sets great value +upon the Bretons," they were content, and in his abundance they felt +themselves rich. Being convinced that money gained must be taken from +some one else, they despised greed. A like idea of political economy +is very old-fashioned, but human opinion will perhaps come back to +it some day. In the meanwhile, let me claim immunity for these few +survivors of another world, in which this harmless error has kept +alive the tradition of self-sacrifice. Do not improve their worldly +lot, for they would be none the happier; do not add to their wealth, +for they would be less unselfish; do not drive them into the primary +schools, for they would perhaps lose some of their good qualities +without acquiring those which culture bestows; but do not despise +them. Contempt is the one thing which tells upon those of simple +nature; it either shakes their faith in what is right or makes them +doubt whether the better classes are good judges upon this point. + +This disposition, for which I can find no better name than moral +romanticism, was inherent in me from my birth, and in some measure +by descent. I had, so Code, the old sorceress, often told me, been +touched by some fairy's wand before my birth. I came into the world +before my time, and was so weak for two months that they did not think +I should live. Code informed my mother that she had an infallible way +of ascertaining my fate. She went one morning with one of the little +shifts which I wore to the sacred lake, and returned in high glee, +exclaiming: "He means to live! No sooner had I thrown the little shift +on to the surface than it lifted itself up." In later years she used +often to say to me with much animation of feature: "Ah! if you had +seen how the two arms stretched themselves out." The fairies were +attached to me from my childhood, and I was very fond of them. You +must not laugh at us Celts. We shall never build a Parthenon, for we +have not the marble; but we are skilled in reading the heart and soul; +we have a secret of our own for inserting the probe; we bury our hands +in the entrails of a man, and, like the witches in _Macbeth_, withdraw +them full of the secrets of infinity. The great secret of our art is +that we can make our very failing appear attractive. The Breton race +has in its heart an everlasting source of folly. The "fairy kingdom," +which is the most beautiful on earth, is its true domain. The Breton +race alone can comply with the strange conditions exacted by the fairy +Gloriande from all who seek to enter her realm; the horn which will +give no sound except when touched by lips that are pure, the magic +cup which is filled only for the faithful lover, are our special +appurtenances. + +Religion is the form behind which the Celtic races disguise their love +of the ideal, but it would be a mistake to imagine that religion is +to them a tie or a servitude. No race has a greater independence of +sentiment in religion. It was not until the twelfth century, and owing +to the support which the Normans of France gave to the See of Rome, +that Breton Christianity was unmistakably brought into the current of +Catholicism. It would have taken very little for the Bretons of France +to have become Protestant like their brethren the Welsh in England. +In the seventeenth century French Brittany was completely permeated by +Jesuitical customs and by the modes of piety common to the rest of the +world. Up to that time the religion of the country had had features of +its own, its special characteristic being the worship of saints. Among +the many peculiarities for which Brittany is noteworthy, its local +hagiography is assuredly the most remarkable. Going through the +country on foot there is one thing which immediately strikes the +observer. The parish churches, in which the Sunday services are +held, do not differ in the main from those of other countries. But in +country districts it is no uncommon thing to find as many as ten or +fifteen chapels in a single parish, most of them little huts with a +single door and window, and dedicated to some saint unknown to the +rest of Christendom. These local saints, who are to be counted by the +hundred, all date from the fifth or the sixth century; that is to say +from the period of the emigration. Most of them are persons who have +really existed, but who have been wrapped by tradition in a very +brilliant network of fable. These fables, which are of the most +primitive simplicity, and form a complete treasure of Celtic mythology +and popular fancies, have never been reduced to writing in their +entirety. The instructive compilations made by the Benedictines and +the Jesuits, even the candid and curious work of Albert Legrand, a +Dominican of Morlaix, reproduce but a very small fraction of them. +So far from encouraging these antique forms of popular worship, the +clergy only just tolerate them, and would suppress them altogether if +they could, feeling that they are the survivals of another and a +much less orthodox age. They consent to say mass once a year in these +chapels, as the saints to whom they are dedicated have too great a +hold in the country to be dislodged, but they say nothing about them +in the parish church. The clergy let the people visit these little +sanctuaries of the antique rite, to seek in them the cure for certain +complaints, and to worship there after their own way; they pretend to +be blind to all this. Where, then, it may be asked, lies concealed the +treasure of all these old stories? Why, in the memory of the people? +Go from chapel to chapel, get the good people who attend them into +conversation, and if they think they can trust you they will tell you +with a mixture of seriousness and pleasantry wonderful stories, from +which comparative mythology and history will one day reap a rich +harvest.[1] + +These stories had from the first a very great influence upon my +imagination. The chapels which I have spoken of are always solitary, +and stand by themselves amid the desolate moors or barren rocks. The +wind whistling amid the heather and the stunted vegetation thrilled me +with terror, and I often used to take to my heels, thinking that the +spirits of the past were pursuing me. At other times I would look +through the half ruined door of the chapel at the stained glass or the +statuettes of painted wood which stood on the altar. These plunged +me in endless reveries. The strange and terrible physiognomy of these +saints, more Druid than Christian, savage and vindictive, pursued me +like a nightmare. Saints though they were, they were none the less +subject to very strange weaknesses. Gregory, of Tours, has told us +the story of a certain Winnoch, who passed through Tours on his way +to Jerusalem, his only covering being some sheep skins with their +wool taken off. He seemed so pious that they kept him there and made +a priest of him. He made wild herbs his sole food, and raised the +wine flagon to his lips in such a way that it seemed as if he scarcely +moistened his lips. But as the liberality of the devout provided him +with large quantities of it he got into the habit of drinking, and +was several times observed to be overcome by his potations. The devil +gained such a hold over him that, armed with knives, sticks, stones, +and whatever else he could get hold of, he ran after the people in the +streets. It was found necessary to chain him up in his cell. None the +less was he a saint. St. Cadoc, St. Iltud, St. Conery, St. Renan (or +Ronan), appeared to me as giants. In after years, when I had come to +know India, I saw that my saints were true _Richis_, and that through +them I had became familiarised with the most primitive features of our +Aryan world, with the idea of solitary masters of nature, asserting +their power over it by asceticism and the force of the will. + +The last of the saints whom I have mentioned naturally attracted my +attention more than any of the others, as his name was the same as +that by which I was known.[2] There is not a more original figure +among all the saints of Brittany. The story of his life has been +told to me two or three times, and each time with more extraordinary +details. He lived in Cornwall, near the little town which bears his +name (St. Renan). He was more a spirit of the earth than a saint, and +his power over the elements was illimitable. He was of a violent and +rather erratic temperament, and there was no telling beforehand as to +what he would do. He was much respected, but his stubborn resolve to +take in all things his own course caused him to be regarded with no +little fear, and when he was found one day lying dead on the floor of +his hut there was a feeling of consternation in the country. The first +person who, when looking in at the window as he went by, saw him +in this position, took to his heels. He had been so self-willed and +peculiar in his lifetime that no one ventured to guess as to how he +might wish to have his body disposed of. It was feared that if his +wishes were incorrectly interpreted, he would punish them by sending +the plague, or having the town swallowed up by an earthquake, or by +converting the country around into a marsh. Nor would it be wise +to take his body to the parish church, as he had sometimes shown an +aversion to it. + +He might, perhaps, create a scandal. All the principal inhabitants +were assembled in the cell, with his stark black corpse in their +midst, when one of them made the following sensible suggestion: "We +never could understand him when he was alive; it was easier to trace +the flight of the swallow than to guess at his thoughts. Now that he +is dead, let him still follow his own fancy. We will cut down a few +trees, make a waggon of them and harness four oxen to it. Then he can +let them take him to the place where he wishes to be buried." This was +done, and the body of the saint deposited on the vehicle. The oxen, +guided by the invisible hand of Ronan, went in a straight line into +the thick of the forest, the trees bent or broke beneath their steps +with an awful crackling sound. The waggon stopped in the centre of the +forest, just where the largest of the oaks reared their head. The hint +was taken and the saint was buried there and a church erected to his +memory. + +Tales of this kind inspired me early in life with a love of mythology. +The simplicity of spirit with which they were accepted carried one +back to the early ages of the world. Take for instance the way in +which, as I was taught to believe, my father was cured of fever when +a child. Before daybreak he was taken to the chapel of the saint who +exercised the healing power. A blacksmith arrived at the same time +with his forge, nails, and tongs. He lighted his fire, made his tongs +red hot, and held them before the face of the saint, threatening to +shoe him as he would a horse unless he cured the child of his +fever. The threat took immediate effect, and my father was cured. +Wood-carving has long been in great favour in Brittany. The statues of +these saints are extraordinarily life-like, and in the eyes of people +of vivid imagination they may well seem to be actually alive. I +remember in particular one good man, who was not more daft than the +rest, who always made off to the churches in the evening when he got +the chance. The next morning, he was invariably found in the building, +half dead with fatigue. He had spent the whole night in detaching the +figures of Christ from the crosses and drawing the arrows out of the +bodies of St. Sebastian. + +My mother, who was a Gascon on one side (her father was a native of +Bordeaux), told these anecdotes with much wit and tact, passing +deftly between what was real and what was fanciful, so as to leave +the impression that these things were only true from an ideal point +of view. She clung to these fables as a Breton; as a Gascon she +was inclined to laugh at them, and this was the secret of the +sprightliness and gaiety of her life. This state of things has been +the means of giving me what little talent I may have for historical +studies. I have derived from it a kind of habit of looking below the +surface and hearing sounds which other ears do not catch. The essence +of criticism is to be able to realise conditions different from those +under which we are now living. I have been in actual contact with +the primitive ages. The most remote past was still in existence +in Brittany up to 1830. The world of the fourteenth and fifteenth +centuries passed daily before the eyes of those who lived in the +towns. The epoch of the Welsh emigration (the fifth and the sixth +centuries) was plainly visible in the country to the practised eye. +Paganism was still to be detected beneath a layer, often so thin as +to be transparent, of Christianity, and with the former were mixed +up traces of a still more ancient world which I afterwards came +upon again among the Laplanders. When visiting in 1870, with Prince +Napoleon, the huts of a Laplander encampment near Tromsoe, I felt some +of my earliest recollections live again in the features of several +women and children and in certain customs and traits of character. It +occurred to me that in ancient times there might have been admixtures +between the lost branches of the Celtic race and races like the +Laplanders which covered the soil upon their arrival. My ethnical +position would in this case be: "A Celt crossed with Gascon with a +slight infusion of Laplander blood." Such a condition of things +ought, if I am not mistaken, according to the theories of the +anthropologists, to represent the maximum of idiocy and imbecility; +but the decrees of anthropology are only relative: what it treats as +stupidity among the ancient races of men is often neither more nor +less than an extraordinary force of enthusiasm and intuition. + + +[Footnote 1: A conscientious and painstaking student, M. Luzel, will, +I hope, be the Pausanias of these little local chapels, and will +commit to writing the whole of this magnificent legend, which is upon +the point of being lost.] + +[Footnote 2: The ancient form of the word is Ronan, which is still to +be found in the names of places, _Loc Ronan_, the well of St. Ronan +(Wales).] + + + + +MY UNCLE PIERRE. + + +Everything, therefore, predisposed me towards romanticism, not in +form, for I was not long in understanding that this is a mistake, that +though there may be two modes of feeling and thinking there can be +but one form of expressing these feelings and thoughts--but towards +romanticism of the mind and imagination, towards the pure ideal. I +was an offshoot from the old idealist race of the most genuine growth. +There is in the district of Goelo or of Avangour, on the Trieux, a +place called the Ledano, because it is there that the Trieux opens out +and forms a lagoon before running into the sea. Upon the shore of the +Ledano there is a large farm called Keranbelec or Meskanbelec. This +was the head quarters of the Renans, who came there from Cardigan +about the year 480, under the leadership of Fragan. They led there for +thirteen hundred years an obscure existence, storing up sensations and +thoughts the capital of which has devolved upon me I can feel that +I think for them and that they live again in me. Not one of them +attempted to hoard, and the consequence was that they all remained +poor. My absolute inability to be resentful or to appear so is +inherited from them. The only two kinds of occupation which they knew +anything of were to till the land or to steer a boat on the estuaries +and archipelagos of rocks which the Trieux forms at its mouth. A short +time previous to the Revolution, three of them rigged out a bark, and +settled at Lezardrieux. They lived together on the bark, which was for +the best part of her time laid up in a creek of the Ledano, and +they sailed her when the fit took them. They could not be classed +as bourgeois, for they were not jealous of the nobles: they were +well-to-do sailors, independent of every one. My grandfather, one of +the three, took another step towards town life; he came to live at +Treguier. When the Revolution broke out, he showed himself to be a +sincere but honourable patriot. He had some little money, but, unlike +all others in the same position as himself, he would not buy any of +the national property, holding that this property had been ill-gotten. +He did not think it honourable to make large profits without labour. +The events of 1814-15 drove him half mad. + +Hegel had not as yet discovered that might implies right, and in any +event he would have found it difficult to believe that France had been +victorious at Waterloo. The privilege of these charming theories, of +which by the way I have had rather too much, were reserved for me. On +the evening of March 19th, 1815, he came to see my mother and told +her to get up early the next morning and look at the tower. And surely +enough he and several other patriots had during the night, upon the +refusal of the clerk to give them the keys, clambered up the outside +of the steeple at the risk of breaking their necks a dozen times over +and hoisted the national flag. A few months later, when the opposite +cause was triumphant, he literally lost his senses. He would go about +in the street with an enormous tricolour cockade, exclaiming: "I +should like to see any one come and take this away from me," and as he +was a general favourite people used to answer: "Why, no one, Captain." +My father shared the same sentiments. Taken by the English while +serving under Admiral Villaret-Joyeuse, he passed several years on the +pontoons. His great delight was to go each year, when the conscription +was drawn, and humiliate the recruits by relating his experiences as +a volunteer. Regarding with contempt those who were drawing lots, he +would add: "We used not to act in this way," and he would shrug his +shoulders over the degeneracy of the age. + +It is from what I have seen of these excellent sailors, and from what +I have read and heard about the peasants of Lithuania, and even of +Poland, that I have derived my ideas as to the innate goodness of our +races when they are organised after the type of the primitive clan. It +is impossible to give an idea of how much goodness and even politeness +and gentle manners there is in these ancient Celts. I saw the last +traces of it some thirty years ago in the beautiful little island of +Brehat, with its patriarchal ways which carried one back to the time +of the Pheacians. The unselfishness and the practical incapacity of +these good people were beyond conception. One proof of their nobility +was that whenever they attempted to engage in any commercial business +they were defrauded. Never in the world's history did people ruin +themselves with a lighter or more careless heart, keeping up a running +fire of paradox and quips. Never in the world were the laws of common +sense and sound economy more joyously trodden under foot. I asked my +mother, towards the close of her life, whether it was really the case +that all the members of our family whom she had known were upon as bad +terms with fortune as those whom I could remember. + +"All as poor as Job," she answered me. "How could it be different? +None of them were born rich, and none of them pillaged their +neighbours. In those days the only rich people were the clergy and the +nobles. There is, however, one exception, I mean A----, who became a +millionaire. Oh! he is a very respectable person, very nearly a member +of parliament, and quite likely to become one." + +"How did A---- contrive to make such a large fortune while all his +neighbours remained poor?" + +"I cannot tell you that.... There are some people who are born to be +rich, while there are others who never would be so. The former have +claws, and do not scruple to help themselves first. That is just what +we have never been able to do. When it comes to taking the best piece +out of the dish which is handed round our natural politeness stands +in our way. None of your ancestors could make money. They took nothing +from the general mass, and would not impoverish their neighbours. Your +grandfather would not buy any of the national property, as others did. +Your father was like all other sailors, and the proof that he was born +to be a sailor and to fight was that he had no head for business. When +you were born we were in such a bad way that I took you on my knees +and cried bitterly. You see that sailors are not like the rest of the +world. I have known many who entered upon a term of service with +a good round sum of money in their possession. They would heat +the silver pieces in a frying-pan and throw them into the street, +splitting their sides with laughter at the crowd which scrambled for +them. This was meant to show that it was not for mercenary motives +that they were ready to risk their lives, and that honour and duty +cannot be posted in a ledger. And then there was your poor uncle +Peter. I cannot tell you what trouble he used to give me." + +"Tell me about him," I said, "for somehow or other I like him very +much." + +"You saw him once; he met us near the bridge, and he lifted his hat to +you, but you were too much respected in the neighbourhood for him to +venture to speak to you, though I did not like to tell you so. He was +one of the best-natured creatures in existence, but he could never be +got to apply himself to work. He was always lounging about, passing +the best part of the day and night in taverns. He was honest and +good-hearted withal, but there was no getting him to follow any +trade. You have no idea how agreeable he was until the life he led +had exhausted him. He was a universal favourite, and with his +inexhaustible stock of tales, proverbs, and funny stories, he was +welcome everywhere. He was very well read, too, and by no means devoid +of learning. He was the oracle of the taverns, and was the life and +soul of any party at which he might be present. He effected a regular +literary revolution. Heretofore the only books which people cared for +were the _Quatre Fils d'Aymon_ and _Renaud de Montauban_. All these +ancient characters were familiar to us, and each of us had his or her +favourite hero, but Peter taught us more modern tales which he took +from books, but which he remodelled to suit the local taste. + +"We had at that time a pretty good library. When the mission fathers +came to Treguier, during the reign of Charles X., the preacher +delivered such an eloquent sermon against dangerous books that we all +of us burnt any such volumes as we had. The missionary had told us +that it was better to burn too many than too few, and that, for the +matter of that, all books might under certain conditions be dangerous. +I did like the rest of the people, but your father put several upon +the top of the large wardrobe, saying that they were too handsome +to be burnt; they were _Don Quixotte, Gil Bias_, and the _Diable +Boiteux_. Peter found them there, and would read them to the common +people and to the men employed in the port. And so the whole of our +library disappeared. In this way he spent the modest little fortune +which he possessed, and became a regular vagabond, though in spite of +this he remained kind and generous, incapable of harming a worm." + +"But," I rejoined, "why did not his friends send him to sea? that +would have made him more regular in his ways." + +"That could never have been, for he was so popular that all his +friends would have run after him and fetched him back. You have no +idea how full of fun he was. Poor Peter! with all his faults I could +not help liking him, for he was charming at times. He could set you +off into a fit of laughter with a word. He had a knack of his own for +springing a joke upon you in the most unexpected way. I shall never +forget the evening when they came to tell me that he had been found +dead on the road to Langoat. I went and had him properly laid out. He +was buried, and the priest spoke in consoling terms about the death +of these poor waifs whose heart is not always so far from God as some +people may imagine." + +Poor Uncle Pierre! I have often thought of him. This tardy esteem will +be his sole recompense. The metaphysical paradise would be no place +for him. His lively imagination, his high spirits, and his keen sense +of enjoyment constituted him for a distinct individualism in his +own sphere. My father's character was just the opposite, for he was +inclined to be sentimental and melancholy. It was when he was advanced +in years and upon his return from a long voyage that he gave me birth. +In the early dawn of my existence I felt, the cold sea mist, shivered +under the cutting morning blast and passed my bitter and gloomy watch +on the quarter-deck. + + + + +GOOD MASTER SYSTEME. + +PART I. + + +I was related on my maternal grandmother's side to a much more prim +class of people. My grandmother was a very good specimen of the +middle-classes of former days. She had been excessively pretty. I can +remember her towards the close of her life, and she was always dressed +in the fashion which prevailed at the time of her being left a widow. +She was very particular about her class, never altered her head-dress, +and would not allow herself to be addressed except as "Mademoiselle." +The ladies of noble birth had a great respect for her. When they met +my sister Henrietta they used to kiss her and say, "My dear, your +grandmother was a very respectable person, we were very fond of her. +Try to be like her." And as it happened my sister did like her very +much and took her as a pattern, but my mother, always laughing and +full of wit, differed from her very much. Mother and daughter were in +all respects a marked contrast. + +The worthy burghers of Lannion and their families were models of +simplicity, honour, and respectability. Several of my aunts never +married, but they were very light-spirited and cheerful, thanks to the +innocence of their hearts. Families dwelt together in unity, animated +by the same simple faith. My aunts' sole amusement on Sundays after +mass was to send a feather up into the air, each blowing at it in turn +to prevent it from falling to the ground. This afforded them +amusement enough to last until the following Sunday. The piety of my +grandmother, her urbanity, her regard for the established order +of things are graven in my heart as the best pictures of that +old-fashioned society based upon God and the king--two props for which +it may not be easy to find substitutes. + +When the Revolution broke out my grandmother was horror-struck, and +she took the lead with so many other pious persons in hiding +the priests who had refused to take the oath of fidelity to the +Constitution. Mass was celebrated in her drawing-room, and as the +ladies of the nobility had emigrated she thought it her duty to +take their place. Most of my uncles, on the other hand were ardent +patriots. When any public misfortune occurred, such, for instance, as +the treason of Dumouriez, my uncles allowed their beards to grow and +went about with long faces, flowing cravats, and untidy garments. My +grandmother would at these times indulge in delicate but rather +risky satire. "My dear Tanneguy, what is the matter with you? Has any +trouble befallen us? Has anything happened to Cousin Amelie? Is my +Aunt Augustine's asthma worse?"--"No, cousin, the Republic is in +danger."--"Oh, is that all, my dear Tanneguy? I am so glad to hear you +say so. You quite relieve me." Thus she sported for two years with +the guillotine, and it is a wonder that she escaped it. A lady named +Taupin, pious like herself, was associated with her in these good +works. The priests were sheltered by turns in her house and in that +of Madame Taupin. My uncle Y----, a very sturdy Revolutionist, but a +good-hearted man at bottom, often said to her: "My cousin, if it came +to my knowledge that there were priests or aristocrats concealed in +your house, I should be obliged to denounce you." She always used to +reply that her only acquaintances were true friends of the Republic +and no mistake about it. + +So it was that Madame Taupin was the one to be guillotined. My mother +never related this incident to me without being very deeply moved. She +showed me when I was a child the spot where the tragedy was enacted. +Upon the day of the execution, my grandmother went, with all her +family, out of Lannion, so as not to participate in the crime which +was about to be committed. She went before daybreak to a chapel, +situated rather more than a mile from the town in a retired spot and +dedicated to St. Roch. Several pious persons had arranged to meet +there, and a signal was to let them know just when the knife was +about to drop so that they might all be in prayer when the soul of the +martyr was, brought by the angels before the throne of the Most High. + +All this bound people together more closely than we can form any idea +of. My grandmother loved the priests and believed in their courage and +devotion to duty. She was destined to meet with a very cool reception +from one of them. When during the Consulate religious worship was +re-established, the priest whom she had sheltered at the risk of her +life was appointed incumbent of a parish near Lannion. She took my +mother, then quite a child, with her, and they walked the five miles +under a scorching sun. The thought of meeting again one whom she +had seen keeping the night watch at her house under such tragical +circumstances made her heart beat fast. The priest, whether from +sacerdotal pride or from a feeling of duty, behaved in a very strange +manner. He scarcely seemed to recognise her, never asked her to be +seated, and dismissed her with a few short remarks. Not a word of +thanks or an allusion to the past. He did not even offer her a glass +of water. My grandmother could scarcely keep from fainting; and she +returned to Lannion in tears, whether because she reproached herself +for some feminine error of the heart or because she was hurt by so +much pride. My mother never knew whether in after years she looked +back to this incident with the more of injured pride or of admiration. +Perhaps, she came at last to recognise the infinite wisdom of the +priest, who seemed to say to her, "Woman, what have I to do with +thee?" and who would not admit that he had any reason to be grateful +to her. It is difficult for women to comprehend this abstract feeling. +Their work, whatever it may be, has always a personal object in view, +and it would be hard to make them believe it natural that people +should fight shoulder to shoulder without knowing and liking one +another. + +My mother, with her frank, cheerful, and inquisitive ways, was rather +partial to the Revolution than the reverse. Unknown to my grandmother +she used to go and hear the patriotic songs. The _Chant du Depart_ +made a great impression upon her, and when she repeated the stirring +line put in the mouth of the mothers, + + "De nos yeux maternels ne craignez point de larmes," + +her voice was always broken. These stirring and terrible scenes had +imprinted themselves for ever upon her mind. When she began to go back +over these recollections, indissolubly bound up with the days of +her girlhood, when she remembered how enthusiasm and wild delight +alternated with scenes of terror, her whole life seemed to rise up +before her I learnt from her to be so proud of the Revolution that I +have liked it since, in spite of my reason and of all that I have said +against it. I do not withdraw anything that I have already said; but +when I see the inveterate persistency of foreign writers to try and +prove that the French Revolution was one long story of folly and +shame, and that it is but an unimportant factor in the world's +history, I begin to think that it is perhaps the greatest of all our +achievements, inasmuch as other people are so jealous of it. + + + + +GOOD MASTER SYSTEME. + +PART II. + + +Among those whom I have to thank for being more a son of the +Revolution than of the Crusaders was a singular character who was long +a puzzle to us. He was an elderly man, whose mode of life, ideas, and +habits were in striking contrast with those of the country at large. +I used to see him every day, with his threadbare cloak, going to buy +a pennyworth of milk which the girl who sold it poured into the tin +he brought with him. He was poor without being literally in want. He +never spoke to any one, but he had a very gentle look about the eyes, +and those who had happened to be brought into contact with him spoke +in very eulogistic terms of his amiability and good sense. I never +knew his name, and I do not believe that any one else did. He did not +belong to our part of the country, and he had no relations. He was +allowed to go his own way, and his singular mode of life excited no +other feeling than one of surprise; but it had not always been so. +He had passed through many vicissitudes. At one time he had been in +communication with the people of the place and had imparted some +of his ideas to them; but no one understood what he meant. The word +_system_ which he used several times tickled their fancy, and this +nickname was at once applied to him. If he had gone on imparting his +ideas he would have got himself into trouble, and the children would +have pelted him. Like a wise man he kept his tongue between his teeth, +and no one attempted to molest him. He came out every day to make +his modest purchases, and of an evening he would take a walk in some +unfrequented spot. He was of a serious but not melancholy cast of +countenance, and with more of an amiable than morose expression. Later +in life when I read Colerus's _Life of Spinoza_, I at once saw that +as a child I had had before my eyes the very image of the holy man of +Amsterdam. He was left to follow his own courses, and was even treated +with respect. His resigned and affable airs seemed like a glimpse from +another world. People did not understand him, but they felt that he +possessed higher qualities to which they paid implicit homage. + +He never went to church, and avoided any occasion of having to +make external display of religious belief. The clergy were very +unfavourable to him and though they did not denounce him from the +pulpit, as he had never given any cause for scandal, his name was +always mentioned with repugnance. A peculiar incident occurred to fan +this animosity into a flame, and to involve the aged recluse in an +atmosphere of ghostly terror. He possessed a very large library, +consisting of works belonging to the eighteenth century. All those +philosophical treatises which have exercised a wider influence than +Luther and Calvin were to be found in it, and the old bookworm knew +them by heart, and eked out a living by lending them to some of +his neighbours. The clergy looked upon this as the abomination of +desolation, and strictly forbade their flocks to borrow these books. +System's lodging was looked upon as a receptacle for every kind of +impiety. + +I, as a matter of course, looked upon him and his books in the +same light, and it was only when my ideas upon philosophy were well +consolidated that I came to understand that I had been fortunate +enough during my youth to contemplate a truly wise man. I had no +difficulty in reconstructing his ideas by piecing together a few words +which at the time had appeared to me unintelligible, but which I had +remembered. God, in his eyes, was the order of nature, from which all +things proceed, and he would not brook contradiction upon this point. +He loved humanity as representing reason, and he hated superstition as +the negation of reason. Although he had not the poetic afflatus which +the nineteenth century has given to these great truths, System, I feel +sure, had very high and far-reaching views. He was quite in the right. +So far from failing to appreciate the greatness of God, he looked with +contempt upon those who believed that they could move Him. Lost in +profound tranquillity and unaffected humility, he saw that human error +was more to be pitied than hated. It was evident that he despised his +age. The revival of superstition, which, he thought, had been buried +by Voltaire and Rousseau, seemed to him a sign of utter imbecility in +the rising generation. + +He was found dead one morning in his humble room, with his books and +papers littered all about him. This was soon after the Revolution of +1830, and the mayor had him decently interred at night. The clergy +purchased the whole of his library at a nominal price and made away +with it. No papers were found which served to elucidate the mystery +which had always surrounded him, but in the corner of one drawer +was found a packet containing some faded flowers tied up with a +tricoloured ribbon. At first this was supposed to be some love-token, +and several people built upon this foundation a romantic biography +of the deceased recluse, but the tricolour ribbon tended to discredit +this version. My mother never believed that it was the correct one. +Although she had an instinctive feeling of respect for System, she +always said to me: "I am sure that he was one of the Terrorists. I +sometimes fancy that I remember seeing him in 1793. Besides, he has +all the ways and ideas of M----, who terrorised Lannion and kept the +guillotine in constant play there during the time that Robespierre +had the upper hand." Fifteen or twenty years ago, I read the following +paragraph in a newspaper: + +"There died yesterday, almost suddenly, in an unfrequented street +of the Faubourg St. Jacques, an old man whose way of living was a +constant source of gossip in the neighbourhood. He was respected in +the parish as a model of charity and kindness, but he was careful +to avoid any allusion to his past. A few works, such as Volney's +_Catechism_, and odd volumes of Rousseau, were scattered about the +table. All his property consisted of a trunk, which, when opened by +the Commissary of Police, was found to contain only a few clothes and +a faded bouquet carefully wrapped up in a piece of paper on which was +written: 'Bouquet which I wore at the festival of the Supreme Being, +20 Prairial, year II.'" + +This explained the whole thing to me. I remembered how the few +disciples of the Jacobite School whom I had known were ardently +attached to the recollections of 1793-94 and incapable of dwelling +upon anything else. The twelvemonths' dream was so vivid that those +who had experienced it could not come back to real life. They were +ever haunted by the same sinister fancy; they had a _delirium tremens_ +of blood. They were uncompromising in their belief, and the world at +large, which no longer pitched its note to their cry, seemed idle and +empty in their eyes. Left standing alone like the survivors of a world +of giants, loaded with the opprobrium of the human race, they could +hold no sort of communion with the living. I could quite understand +the effect which Lakanal must have produced when he returned from +America in 1833 and appeared among his colleagues of the _Academic +des Sciences Morales et Politiques_ like a phantom. I could understand +Daunou looking upon M. Cousin and M. Guizot as dangerous Jesuits. By +a not uncommon contrast these survivors of the fierce struggles and +combats of the Revolution had become as gentle as lambs. Man, to be +kind, need not necessarily have a logical basis for his kindness. The +most cruel of the Inquisitors of the middle ages, Conrad of Marburg +for instance, were the kindest of men. This we see in _Torquemada_, +where the genius of Victor Hugo shows us how a man may send his +fellows to the stake out of charity and sentimentalism. + + + + +LITTLE NOEMI. + +PART I. + + +Although the religious and too premature sacerdotal education which I +had received prevented me from being on any intimate terms with young +people of the other sex, I had several little girl-friends one of +whom more particularly has left a profound impression upon me. From an +early age I preferred the society of girls to boys, and the latter +did not like me, as I was too effeminate for them. We could not play +together, as they called me "Mademoiselle," and teased me in a variety +of ways. On the other hand, I got on very well with girls of my own +age, and they found me very sensible and steady. I was about twelve or +thirteen, and I could not account for the preference. The vague idea +which attracted me to them was, I think, that men are at liberty to do +many things which women cannot, and the latter consequently had, in +my eyes, the charm of being weak and beautiful creatures, subject in +their daily life to rules of conduct which they did not attempt to +override. All those whom I had known were the pattern of modesty. +The first feeling which stirred in me was one of pity, so to speak, +coupled with the idea of assisting them in their becoming resignation, +of liking them for their reserve, and making it easier for them. I +quite felt my own intellectual superiority; but even at that early +age, I felt that the woman who is very beautiful or very good, solves +completely the problem of which we, with all our hard-headedness, make +such a hash. We are mere children or pedants compared to her. I as yet +understood this only vaguely, though I saw clearly enough that beauty +is so great a gift that talent, genius, and even virtue are nothing +when weighed in the balance with it; so that the woman who is really +beautiful has the right to hold herself superior to everybody and +everything, inasmuch as she combines not in a creation outside of +herself, but in her very person, as in a Myrrhine vase, all the +qualities which genius painfully endeavours to reproduce. + +Among these, my companions, there was, as I have said, one to whom +I was particularly attached Her name was Noemi, and she was quite a +model of good conduct and grace. Her eyes had a languid look which +denoted at once good-nature and quickness; her hair was beautifully +fair. She was about two years my senior, and she treated me partly as +an elder sister, partly with the confidential affection of one child +for another. We got on very well together, and while our friends were +constantly falling out, we were always of one mind. I tried to make +these quarrels up, but she never thought that I should be successful, +and would tell me that it was hopeless to try and make everybody +agree. These attempts at mediation, which gave us an imperceptible +superiority over the other children, formed a very pleasing tie +between us. Even now I cannot hear "_Nous n'irons plus an bois_," or +"_Il pleut, il pleut, bergere_" without my heart beating rather more +quickly than is its wont. There can be no doubt that but for the fatal +vice which held me fast, I should have been in love with Noemi two or +three years later; but I was a slave to reasoning, and my whole time +was devoted to religious dialectics. The flow of abstractions which +rushed to the head made me giddy, and caused me to be absent-minded +and oblivious of all else. + +This budding affection was, moreover, turned from its course by +a peculiar defect which, has more than once been injurious to my +prospects in life. This is my indecision of character, which often +leads me into positions from which I have great difficulty in +extricating myself. This defect was further complicated in this +particular case by a good quality which has led me into as many +difficulties as the most serious of defects. There was among these +children a little girl though much less pretty than Noemi, who, gentle +and amiable as she was, did not get nearly so much notice taken of +her. She was even fonder of making me her companion than Noemi, of +whom she was rather jealous. I have never been able to do a thing +which would give pain to any one. I had a vague sort of idea that a +woman who was not very pretty must be unhappy and feel the inward pang +of having missed her fate. I was oftener, therefore, with her than +with Noemi, because I saw that she was melancholy. So I allowed my +first love to go off at a tangent, just as, later in life, I did in +politics, and in a very bungling sort of way. Once or twice I noticed +Noemi laughing to herself at my simple folly. She was always nice with +me, but at times her manner was slightly sarcastic, and this tinge of +irony, which she made no attempt to conceal, only rendered her more +charming in my eyes. + +The struggles amid which I grew to manhood nearly effaced her from my +memory. In after years I often fancied that I could see her again, and +one day I asked my mother what had become of her. "She is dead," my +mother replied, "and of a broken heart. She had no fortune of her +own. When she lost her father and mother, her aunt--a very respectable +woman who kept the equally respectable Hotel ----, took her to live +there. She did the best she could. Even as a child, when you knew +her, she was charming, but at two-and-twenty she was marvellously +beautiful. Her hair--which she tried in vain to keep out of sight +under a heavy cap--came down over her neck in wavy tresses like +handfuls of ripe wheat. She did all that she could to conceal her +beauty. Her beautiful figure was disguised by a cape, and her long +white hands were always covered with mittens. But it was all of no +use. Groups of young men would assemble in church to see her at her +devotions. She was too beautiful for our country, and she was as good +as she was beautiful." My mother's story touched me very much. I have +thought of her much more frequently since, and when it pleased God to +give me a daughter I named her Noemi. + + + + +LITTLE NOEMI. + +PART II. + + +The world in its progress cares little more how many it crushes than +the car of the idol of Juggernaut. The whole of the ancient society +which I have endeavoured to portray has disappeared. Brehat has passed +out of existence. I revisited it six years ago and should not have +known it again. Some genius in the capital of the department has +discovered that certain ancient usages of the island are not in +keeping with some article of the code, and a peaceable and well-to-do +population has been reduced to revolt and beggary. These islands and +coasts which were formerly such a good nursery for the navy are so no +longer. The railways and the steamers have been the ruin of them. And +like old Breton bards, to what a case they have been brought! I found +several of them a few years ago among the Bas-Bretons who came to eke +out a miserable existence at St. Malo. One of them, who was employed +in sweeping the streets, came to see me. He explained to me in +Breton--for he could not speak a word of French--his ideas as to the +decadence of all poetry and the inferiority of the new schools. He was +attached to the old style--the narrative ballad--and he began to sing +to me the one which he deemed the prettiest of them. The subject of +it was the death of Louis XVI. He burst into tears, and when he got to +Santerre's beating of the drums he could not continue. Rising proudly +to his feet, he said: "If the king could have spoken, the spectators +would have rallied to him." Poor dear man! + +With all these instances before me the case of the wealthy M.A., +seemed to me all the more singular. When I asked my mother to explain +it to me, she always evaded an answer and spoke vaguely of adventures +on the coast of Madagascar. Upon one occasion, I pressed her more +closely and asked her how it was that the coasting trade, at which no +one had ever made money, could have made a millionaire of him. "How +obstinate you are, Ernest," she replied. "I have often told you not +to ask me that! Z---- is the only person in our circle who has any +pretensions to polish; he is in a good position; he is rich and +respected; there is no need to ask him how he made his money." "Tell +me all the same." "Well if you must know, and as people cannot get +rich without soiling their fingers more or less, he was in the slave +trade." + +A noble people, fit only to serve nobles, and in harmony of ideas with +them, is in our day at the very antipodes of sound political economy, +and is bound to die of starvation. Persons of delicate ideas, who +are hampered by honourable scruples of one kind and another, stand no +chance with the matter-of-fact competitors who are the men not to let +slip any advantage in the battle of life. I soon found this out when +I began to know something of the planet in which we live, and hence +there arose within me a struggle or rather a dualism which has been +the secret of all my opinions. I did not in any way lose my fondness +for the ideal; it still is and always will be implanted in me as +strongly as ever. The most trifling act of goodness, the least spark +of talent, are in my eyes infinitely superior to all riches and +worldly achievements. But as I had a well-balanced mind I saw that the +ideal and reality have nothing in common; that the world is, at all +events for the time, given over to what is commonplace and paltry; +that the cause which generous souls will embrace is sure to be the +losing one; and that what men of refined intellect hold to be true +in literature and poetry is always wrong in the dull world of +accomplished facts. The events which followed the Revolution of +1848 confirmed all their ideas. It turned out that the most alluring +dreams, when carried into the domain of facts, were mischievous to +the last degree, and that the affairs of the world were never so well +managed as when the idealists had no part or lot in them. From that +time I accustomed myself to follow a very singular course: that is to +shape my practical judgments in direct opposition to my theoretical +judgments, and to regard as possible that which was in contradiction +with my desires. A somewhat lengthy experience had shown me that +the cause I sympathised with always failed and that the one which I +decried was certain to be triumphant. The lamer a political solution +was, the brighter appeared to me its prospect of being accepted In the +world of realities. + +In fine, I only care for characters of an absolute idealism: martyrs, +heroes, utopists, friends of the impossible. They are the only persons +in whom I interest myself; they are, if I may be permitted to say so, +my specialty. But I see what those whose imagination runs away with +them fail to see, viz., that these flights of fancy are no longer of +any use and that for a long time to come the heroic follies which were +deified in the past will fall flat. The enthusiasm of 1792 was a great +and noble outburst, but it was one of those things which will not +recur. Jacobinism, as M. Thiers has clearly shown, was the salvation +of France; now it would be her ruin. The events of 1870 have by no +means cured me of my pessimism. They taught me the high value of +evil, and that the cynical disavowal of all sentiment, generosity +and chivalry gives pleasure to the world at large and is invariably +successful. Egotism is the exact opposite of what I had been +accustomed to regard as noble and good. We see that in this world +egotism alone commands success. England has until within the last +few years been the first nation in the world because she was the most +selfish. Germany has acquired the hegemony of the world by repudiating +without scruple the principles of political morality which she once so +eloquently preached. + +This is the explanation of the anomaly that having on several +occasions been called upon to give practical advice in regard to +the affairs of my country, this advice has always been in direct +contradiction with my artistic views. In so doing, I have been +actuated by conscientious motives. I have endeavoured to evade the +ordinary cause of my errors; I have taken the counterpart of my +instincts and been on guard against my idealism. I am always afraid +that my mode of thought will lead me wrong and blind me to one side of +the question. This is how it is that, much as I love what is good, +I am perhaps over indulgent for those who have taken another view of +life, and that, while always being full of work, I ask myself very +often whether the idlers are not right after all. + +So far as regards enthusiasm, I have got as much of it as any one; +but I believe that the reality will have none of it, and that with the +reign of men of business, manufacturers, the working class (which is +the most selfish of all), Jews, English of the old school and Germans +of the new school, has been ushered in a materialist age in which it +will be as difficult to bring about the triumph of a generous idea as +to produce the silvery note of the great bell of Notre Dame with one +cast in lead or tin. It is strange, moreover, that while not pleasing +one side I have not deceived the other. The bourgeois have not been +the least grateful to me for my concessions; they have read me better +than I can read-myself, and they have seen that I was but a poor sort +of Conservative, and that without the most remote intention of acting +in bad faith, I should have played them false twenty times over out of +affection for the ideal, my ancient mistress. They felt that the hard +things which I said to her were only superficial, and that I should be +unable to resist the first smile which she might bestow upon me. + +We must create the heavenly kingdom, that is the ideal one, within +ourselves. The time is past for the creation of miniature worlds, +refined Thelemes, based upon mutual affection and esteem; but life, +well understood and well lived, in a small circle of persons who can +appreciate one another, brings its own reward. Communion of spirit is +the greatest and the only reality. This is why my thoughts revert so +willingly to those worthy priests who were my first masters, to the +honest sailors who lived only to do their duty, to little Noemi who +died because she was too beautiful, to my grandfather who would not +buy the national property, and to good Master Systeme, who was +happy inasmuch as he had his hour of illusion. Happiness consists in +devotion to a dream or to a duty; self-sacrifice is the surest means +of securing repose. One of the early Buddhas who preceded Sakya-Mouni +obtained the _nirvana_ in a singular way. He saw one day a falcon +chasing a little bird. "I beseech thee," he said to the bird of prey, +"leave this little creature in peace; I will give thee its weight from +my own flesh." A small pair of scales descended from the heavens, and +the transaction was carried out. The little bird settled itself upon +one side of the scales, and the saint placed in the other platter a +good slice of his flesh, but the beam did not move. Bit by bit the +whole of his body went into the scales, but still the scales were +motionless. Just as the last shred of the holy man's body touched the +scale the beam fell, the little bird flew away and the saint entered +into _nirvana_. The falcon, who had not, all said and done, made a bad +bargain, gorged itself on his flesh. + +The little bird represents the unconsidered trifles of beauty and +innocence which our poor planet, worn out as it may be, will ever +contain. The falcon represents the far larger proportion of egotism +and gross appetites which make up the sum of humanity. The wise man +purchases the free enjoyment of what is good and noble by making over +his flesh to the greedy, who, while engrossed by this material feast, +leave him and the free objects of his fancy in peace. The scales +coming down from above represent fatality, which is not to be moved, +and which will not accept a partial sacrifice; but from which, by a +total abnegation of self, by casting it a prey, we can escape, as it +then has no further hold upon us. The falcon, for its part is content +when virtue, by the sacrifices which she makes, secures for it +greater advantages than it could obtain by the force of its own claws. +Desiring a profit from virtue, its interest is that virtue should +exist; and so the wise man, by the surrender of his material +privileges, attains his one aim, which is to secure free enjoyment of +the ideal. + + + + +THE PETTY SEMINARY OF SAINT NICHOLAS DU CHARDONNET. + +PART I. + + +Many persons who allow that I have a perspicuous mind wonder how +I came during my boyhood and youth to put faith in creeds, the +impossibility of which has since been so clearly revealed to me. +Nothing, however, can be more simple, and it is very probable that if +an extraneous incident had not suddenly taken me from the honest but +narrow-minded associations amid which my youth was passed, I should +have preserved all my life long the faith which in the beginning +appeared to me as the absolute expression of the truth. I have said +how I was educated in a small school kept by some honest priests, who +taught me Latin after the old fashion (which was the right one), that +is to say to read out of trumpery primers, without method and almost +without grammer, as Erasmus and the humanists of the fifteenth and +sixteenth century, who are the best Latin scholars since the days of +old, used to learn it. These worthy priests were patterns of all that +is good. Devoid of anything like _pedagogy_, to use the modern phrase, +they followed the first rule of education, which is not to make too +easy the tasks which have for their aim the mastering of a difficulty. +Their main object was to make their pupils into honourable men. Their +lessons of goodness and morality, which impressed me as being the +literal embodiments of virtue and high feeling, were part and parcel +of the dogma which they taught. The historical education they had +given me consisted solely in reading Rollin. Of criticism, the natural +sciences, and philosophy I as yet knew nothing of course. Of all that +concerned the nineteenth century, and the new ideas as to history +and literature expounded by so many gifted thinkers, my teachers knew +nothing. It was impossible to imagine a more complete isolation from +the ambient air. A thorough-paced Legitimist would not even admit the +possibility of the Revolution or of Napoleon being mentioned except +with a shudder. My only knowledge of the Empire was derived from the +lodge-keeper of the school. He had in his room several popular prints. +"Look at Bonaparte," he said to me one day, pointing to one of these, +"he was a patriot, he was!" No allusion was ever made to contemporary +literature, and the literature of France terminated with Abbe Delille. +They had heard of Chateaubriand, but, with a truer instinct than that +of the would-be Neo-Catholics, whose heads are crammed with all +sorts of delusions, they mistrusted him. A Tertullian enlivening his +Apologeticum with _Atala_ and _Rene_ was not calculated to command +their confidence. Lamartine perplexed them more sorely still; +they guessed that his religious faith was not built on very strong +foundations, and they foresaw his subsequent falling away. This gift +of observation did credit to their orthodox sagacity, but the result +was that the horizon of their pupils was a very narrow one. Rollin's +_Traite des Etudes_ is a work full of large-minded views compared to +the circle of pious mediocrity within which they felt it their duty to +confine themselves. + +Thus the education which I received in the years following the +Revolution of 1830 was the same as that which was imparted by the +strictest of religious sects two centuries ago. It was none the worse +for that, being the same forcible mode of teaching, distinctively +religious, but not in the least Jesuitical, under which the youth of +ancient France had studied, and which gave so serious and so Christian +a turn to the mind. Educated by teachers who had inherited the +qualities of Port Royal, minus their heresy, but minus also their +power over the pen, I may claim forgiveness for having, at the age of +twelve or fifteen, admitted the truth of Christianity like any pupil +of Nicole or M. Hermant. My state of mind was very much that of so +many clever men of the seventeenth century, who put religion beyond +the reach of doubt, though this did not prevent them having very clear +ideas upon all other topics. I afterwards learnt facts which caused me +to abandon my Christian beliefs, but they must be profoundly ignorant +of history and of human intelligence who do not understand how strong +a hold the simple and honest discipline of the priests took upon the +more gifted of their students. The basis of this primitive form +of education was the strictest morality, which they inculated as +inseparable from religious practice, and they made us regard the +possession of life as implying duties towards truth. The very +effort to shake off opinions, in some respects unreasonable, had its +advantages. Because a Paris flibbertigibbet disposes with a joke of +creeds, from which Pascal, with all his reasoning powers, could not +shake himself free, it must not be concluded that the Gavroche is +superior to Pascal. I confess that I at times feel humiliated to think +that it cost me five or six years of arduous research, and the study +of Hebrew, the Semitic languages, Gesenius, and Ewald to arrive at +the result which this urchin achieves in a twinkling. These pilings +of Pelion upon Ossa seem to me, when looked at in this light, a mere +waste of time. But Pere Hardouin observed that he had not got up at +four o'clock every morning for forty years to think as all the world +thought. So I am loth to admit that I have been at so much pains to +fight a mere _chimaera bombinans_. No, I cannot think that my labours +have been all in vain, nor that victory is to be won in theology as +cheaply as the scoffers would have us believe. There are, in reality, +but few people who have a right not to believe in Christianity. If +the great mass of people only knew how strong is the net woven by the +theologians, how difficult it is to break the threads of it, how much +erudition has been spent upon it, and what a power of criticism is +required to unravel it all.... I have noticed that some men of talent +who have set themselves too late in life the task have been taken in +the toils and have not been able to extricate themselves. + +My tutors taught me something which was infinitely more valuable than +criticism or philosophic wisdom; they taught me to love truth, to +respect reason, and to see the serious side of life. This is the only +part in me which has never changed. I left their care with my moral +sense so well prepared to stand any test, that this precious jewel +passed uninjured through the crucible of Parisian frivolity. I was so +well prepared for the good and for the true that I could not possibly +have followed a career which was not devoted to the things of the +mind. My teachers rendered me so unfit for any secular work that I was +perforce embarked upon a spiritual career. The intellectual life +was the only noble one in my eyes; and mercenary cares seemed to me +servile and unworthy. + +I have never departed from the sound and wholesome programme which my +masters sketched out for me. I no longer believe Christianity to be +the supernatural summary of all that man can know; but I still believe +that life is the most frivolous of things, unless it is regarded as +one great and constant duty. Oh! my beloved old teachers, now nearly +all with the departed, whose image often rises before me in my +dreams, not as a reproach but as a grateful memory, I have not been so +unfaithful to you as you believe! Yes, I have said that your history +was very short measure, that your critique had no existence, and +that your natural philosophy fell far short of that which leads us to +accept as a fundamental dogma: "There is no special supernatural;" +but in the main I am still your disciple. Life is only of value by +devotion to what is true and good. Your conception of what is good was +too narrow; your view of truth too material and too concrete, but +you were, upon the whole, in the right, and I thank you for having +inculcated in me like a second nature the principle, fatal to worldly +success but prolific of happiness, that the aim of a life worth living +should be ideal and unselfish. + +Most of my fellow-students were brawny and high-spirited young +peasants from the neighbourhood of Treguier, and, like most +individuals occupying an inferior place in the scale of civilization, +they were inclined to air an exaggerated regard for bodily strength, +and to show a certain amount of contempt for women and for anything +which they considered effeminate. Most of them were preparing for the +priesthood. My experiences of that time put me in a very good position +for understanding the historical phenomena, which occur when a +vigorous barbarism first comes into contact with civilization. I can +quite easily understand the intellectual condition of the Germans at +the Carlovingian epoch, the psychological and literary condition of +a Saxo Grammaticus and a Hrabanus Maurus. Latin had a very singular +effect upon their rugged natures, and they were like mastodons going +in for a degree. They took everything as serious as the Laplanders +do when you give them the Bible to read. We exchanged with regard to +Sallust and Livy, impressions which must have resembled those of the +disciples of St. Gall or St. Colomb when they were learning Latin. We +decided that Caesar was not a great man because he was not virtuous, +our philosophy of history was as artless and childlike as might have +been that of the Heruli. + +The morals of all these young people, left entirely to themselves and +with no one to look after them, were irreproachable. There were very +few boarders at the Treguier College just then. Most of the students +who did not belong to the town boarded in private houses, and their +parents used to bring them in on market day their provisions for +the week. I remember one of these houses, close to our own, in which +several of my fellow-students lodged. The mistress of it, who was an +indefatigable housewife, died, and her husband, who at the best of +times was no genius, drowned what little he had in the cider-cup every +evening. A little servant-maid, who was wonderfully intelligent, took +the whole burden upon her shoulders. The young students determined to +help her, and so the house went on despite the old tippler. I always +heard my comrades speak very highly of this little servant, who was +a model of virtue and who was gifted, moreover, with a very pleasing +face. + +The fact is that, according to my experience, all the allegations +against the morality of the clergy are devoid of foundation. I passed +thirteen years of my life under the charge of priests, and I never saw +anything approaching to a scandal; all the priests I have known have +been good men. Confession may possibly be productive of evil in +some countries, but I never saw anything of the sort during my +ecclesiastical experience. The old-fashioned book which I used for +making my examinations of conscience was innocence itself. There was +only one sin which excited my curiosity and made me feel uneasy. I +was afraid that I might have been guilty of it unawares. I mustered +up courage enough, one day, to ask my confessor what was meant by the +phrase: "To be guilty of simony in the collation of benefices." The +good priest reassured me and told me that I could not have committed +that sin. + +Persuaded by my teachers of two absolute truths, the first, that no +one who has any respect for himself can engage in any work that is not +ideal--and that all the rest is secondary, of no importance, not to +say shameful, _ignominia seculi_--and the second, that Christianity +embodies everything which is ideal, I could not do otherwise than +regard myself as destined for the priesthood. This thought was not the +result of reflection, impulse, or reasoning. It came so to speak, of +itself. The possibility of a lay career never so much as occurred +to me. Having adopted with the utmost seriousness and docility the +principles of my teachers, and having brought myself to consider all +commercial and mercenary pursuits as inferior and degrading, and only +fit for those who had failed in their studies, it was only natural +that I should wish to be what they were. They were my patterns in +life, and my sole ambition was to be like them, professor at the +College of Treguier, poor, exempt from all material cares, esteemed +and respected like them. + +Not but what the instincts which in after years led me away from these +paths of peace already existed within me; but they were dormant. From +the accident of my birth I was torn by conflicting forces. There was +some Basque and Bordeaux blood in my mother's family, and unknown +to me the Gascon half of myself played all sorts of tricks with the +Breton half. Even my family was divided, my father, my grandfather, +and my uncles being, as I have already said, the reverse of clerical, +while my maternal grandmother was the centre of a society which knew +no distinction between royalism and religion. I recently found among +some old papers a letter from my grandmother addressed to an estimable +maiden lady named Guyon, who used to spoil me very much when I was a +child, and who was then suffering from a dreadful cancer. + +TREGUIER, _March_ 19, 1831. + +"Though two months have elapsed since Natalie informed me of your +departure for Treglamus, this is the first time I have had a few +moments to myself to write and tell you, my dear friend, how deeply +I sympathise with you in your sad position. Your sufferings go to my +heart, and nothing but the most urgent necessity has prevented me from +writing to you before. The death of a nephew, the eldest son of my +defunct sister, plunged us into great sorrow. A few days later, poor +little Ernest, son of my eldest daughter, and a brother of Henriette, +the boy whom, you were so fond of and who has not forgotten you, fell +ill. For forty days he was hanging between life and death, and we have +now reached the fifty-fifth day of his illness and still he does not +make much progress towards his recovery. He is pretty well in the day +time, but his nights are very bad. From ten in the evening to five +or six in the morning, he is feverish and half-delirious. I have said +enough to excuse myself in the eyes of one who is so kind-hearted and +who will forgive me. How I wish I was by your side to repay you the +attention you bestowed on me with so much zeal and benevolence. My +great grief is to be unable to help you. + +"_March 20th_. + +"I was sent for to the bedside of my dear little grandson, and I was +obliged to break off my conversation with you, which I now resume, my +dear friend, to exhort you to put all your trust in God. It is He who +afflicts us, but He consoles us with the hope of a reward far beyond +what we suffer. Let us be of good cheer; our pains and our sorrows do +not last long, and the reward is eternal. + +"Dear Natalie tells me how patient and resigned you are amid the most +cruel sufferings. That is quite in keeping with your high feelings. +She says that never a complaint comes from you however keen your pain. +How pleasing you are in God's sight by your patience and resignation +to His heavenly will. He afflicts you, but those whom He loveth He +chasteneth. What joy can be compared to that which God's love gives? +I send you _L'Ame sur le Calvaire_, which will furnish you with much +consolation in the example of a God who suffered and died for us. +Madame D---- will be so kind, I am sure, as to read you a chapter +of it every day, if you cannot read yourself. Give her my kindest +regards, and beg her to write and tell me how you are going on, and +how she is herself. If you will not think me troublesome I will write +to you more frequently. Good-bye, my dear friend. May God pour upon +you His grace and blessing. Be patient and of good cheer. + +"Your ever devoted friend, + +"WIDOW...." + +"In taking the Communion to-day my prayers were specially for you. My +daughter, Henriette, and Ernest, who has passed a much better night, +beg to be remembered, as also does Clara. We often talk of you. Let +me know how you are, I beg of you. When you have read _L'Ame sur +le Calvaire_ you can send it back to me, and I will let you have +_L'Esprit Consolateur_." + +The letter and the books were never sent, for my mother, who was to +have forwarded them, learnt that Mademoiselle Guyon had died. Some of +the consolatory remarks which the letter contains may seem very trite, +but are there any better ones to offer a person afflicted with cancer? +They are, at all events, as good as laudanum. As a matter of fact the +Revolution had left no impress upon the people among whom I lived. The +religious ideas of the people were not touched; the congregations +came together again, and the nuns of the old orders, converted into +schoolmistresses, imparted to women the same education as before. Thus +my sister's first mistress was an old Ursuline nun, who was very fond +of her, and who made her learn by heart the psalms which are chanted +in church. After a year or two the worthy old lady had reached the end +of her tether, and was conscientious enough to come and tell my mother +so. She said, "I have nothing more to teach her; she knows all that +I know better than I do myself." The Catholic faith revived in these +remote districts, with all its respectable gravity and, fortunately +for it, disencumbered of the worldly and temporal bonds which the +ancient _regime_ had forged for it. + +This complexity of origin is, I believe, to a great extent the cause +of my seeming inconsistency. I am double, as it were, and one half +of me laughs while the other weeps. This is the explanation of my +cheerfulness. As I am two spirits in one body, one of them has always +cause to be content. While upon the one hand I was only anxious to be +a village priest or tutor in a seminary. I was all the time dreaming +the strangest dreams. During divine service I used to fall into long +reveries; my eyes wandered to the ceiling of the chapel, upon which +I read all sorts of strange things. My thoughts wandered to the great +men whom we read of in history. I was playing one day, when six years +old, with one of my cousins and other friends, and we amused ourselves +by selecting our future professions. "And what will you be?" my +cousin asked me. "I shall make books." "You mean that you will be a +bookseller." "Oh, no," I replied, "I mean to make books--to +compose them." These dawning dispositions needed time and favourable +circumstances to be developed, and what was so completely lacking in +all my surroundings was ability. My worthy tutors were not endowed +with any seductive qualities. With their unswerving moral solidity, +they were the very contrary of the southerners--of the Neapolitan, for +instance, who is all glitter and clatter. Ideas did not ring within +their minds with the sonorous clash of crossing swords. Their head was +like what a Chinese cap without bells would be; you might shake it, +but it would not jingle. That which constitutes the essence of talent, +the desire to show off one's thoughts to the best advantage, would +have seemed to them sheer frivolity, like women's love of dress, which +they denounced as a positive sin. This excessive abnegation of self, +this too ready disposition to repulse what the world at large likes by +an _Abrenuntio tibi, Satana_, is fatal to literature. It will be said, +perhaps, that literature necessarily implies more or less of sin. If +the Gascon tendency to elude many difficulties with a joke, which I +derived from my mother, had always been dormant in me, my spiritual +welfare would perhaps have been assured. In any event, if I had +remained in Brittany I should never have known anything of the vanity +which the public has liked and encouraged--that of attaining a certain +amount of art in the arrangement of words and ideas. Had I lived in +Brittany I should have written like Rollin. When I came to Paris I had +no sooner given people a taste of what few qualities I possessed than +they took a liking for them, and so--to my disadvantage it may be--I +was tempted to go on. + +I will at some future time describe how it came to pass that special +circumstances brought about this change, which I underwent without +being at heart in the least inconsistent with my past. I had +formed such a serious idea of religious belief and duty that it was +impossible for me, when once my faith faded, to wear the mask which +sits so lightly upon many others. But the impress remained, and though +I was not a priest by profession I was so in disposition. All my +failings sprung from that. My first masters taught me to despise +laymen, and inculcated the idea that the man who has not a mission in +life is the scum of the earth. Thus it is that I have had a strong and +unfair bias against the commercial classes. Upon the other hand, I am +very fond of the people, and especially of the poor. I am the only man +of my time who has understood the characters of Jesus and of Francis +of Assisi. There was a danger of my thus becoming a democrat like +Lamennais. But Lamennais merely exchanged one creed for another, +and it was not until the close of his life that he acquired the cool +temper necessary to the critic, whereas the same process which +weaned me from Christianity made me impervious to any other practical +enthusiasm. It was the very philosophy of knowledge which, in my +revolt against scholasticism, underwent such a profound modification. + +A more serious drawback is that, having never indulged in gaiety while +young, and yet having a good deal of irony and cheerfulness in my +temperament, I have been compelled, at an age when we see how vain +and empty it all is, to be very lenient as regards foibles which I had +never indulged in myself, so much so that many persons who have not +perhaps been as steady as I was have been shocked at my easy-going +indifference. This holds especially true of politics. This is a matter +upon which I feel easier in my mind than upon any other, and yet a +great many people look upon me as being very lax. I cannot get out +of my head the idea that perhaps the libertine is right after all and +practises the true philosophy of life. This has led me to express too +much admiration for such men as Sainte-Beuve and Theophile Gautier. +Their affectation of immorality prevented me from seeing how +incoherent their philosophy was. The fear of appearing pharisaical, +the idea, evangelical in itself, that he who is immaculate has the +right to be indulgent, and the dread of misleading, if by chance all +the doctrines emitted by the professors of philosophy were wrong, made +my system of morality appear rather shaky. It is, in reality, as solid +as the rock. These little liberties which I allow myself are by way +of a recompense for my strict adherence to the general code. So in +politics I indulge in reactionary remarks so that I may not have the +appearance of a Liberal understrapper. I don't want people to take me +for being more of a dupe than I am in reality; I would not upon any +account trade upon my opinions, and what I especially dread is to +appear in my own eyes to be passing bad money. Jesus has influenced +me more in this respect than people may think, for He loved to show up +and deride hypocrisy, and in His parable of the Prodigal Son He places +morality upon its true footing--kindness of heart--while seeming to +upset it altogether. + +To the same cause may be attributed another of my defects, a tendency +to waver which has almost neutralized my power of giving verbal +expression to my thoughts in many matters. The priest carries his +sacred character into every relation of life, and there is a good deal +of what is conventional about what he says. In this respect, I have +remained a priest, and this is all the more absurd because I do +not derive any benefit either for myself or for my opinions. In my +writings, I have been outspoken to a degree. Not only have I never +said anything which I do not think, but, what is much less frequent +and far more difficult, I have said all I think. But in talking and +in letter-writing, I am at times singularly weak. I do not attach any +importance to this, and, with the exception of the select few between +whom and myself there is a bond of intellectual brotherhood, I say to +people just what I think is likely to please them. In the society of +fashionable people I am utterly lost. I get into a muddle and flounder +about, losing the thread of my ideas in some tissue of absurdity. With +an inveterate habit of being over polite, as priests generally are, I +am too anxious to detect what the person I am talking with would +like said to him. My attention, when I am conversing with any one, +is engrossed in trying to guess at his ideas, and, from excess of +deference, to anticipate him in the expression of them. This is based +upon the supposition that very few men are so far unconcerned as to +their own ideas as not to be annoyed when one differs from them. I +only express myself freely with people whose opinions I know to sit +lightly upon them, and who look down upon everything with good-natured +contempt. My correspondence will be a disgrace to me if it should be +published after my death. It is a perfect torture for me to write a +letter. I can understand a person airing his talents before ten as +before ten thousand persons, but before one! Before beginning to +write, I hesitate and reflect, and make out a rough copy of what I +shall say; very often I go to sleep over it. A person need only look +at these letters with their heavy wording and abrupt sentences to see +that they were composed in a state of torpor which borders on sleep. +Reading over what I have written, I see that it is poor stuff, and +that I have said many things which I cannot vouch for. In despair, I +fasten down the envelope, with the feeling that I have posted a letter +which is beneath criticism. + +In short, all my defects are those of the young ecclesiastical student +of Treguier. I was born to be a priest, as others are born to be +soldiers and lawyers. The very fact of my being successful in my +studies was a proof of it. What was the good of learning Latin so +thoroughly if it was not for the Church? A peasant, noticing all my +dictionaries upon one occasion, observed: "These, I suppose, are the +books which people study when they are preparing for the priesthood." +As a matter of fact, all those who studied at school at all were in +training for the ecclesiastical profession. The priestly order stood +on a par with the nobility: "When you meet a noble," I have heard it +observed, "you salute him, because he represents the king; when you +meet a priest, you salute him because he represents God." To make a +priest was regarded as the greatest of good works; and the elderly +spinsters who had a little money thought that they could not find +a better use for it than in paying the college fees of a poor but +hard-working young peasant. When he came to be a priest, he became +their own child, their glory, and their honour. They followed him +in his career, and watched over his conduct with jealous care. As a +natural consequence of my assiduity in study I was destined for the +priesthood. Moreover, I was of sedentary habits and too weak of +muscle to distinguish myself in athletic sports. I had an uncle of a +Voltairian turn of mind, who did not at all approve of this. He was +a watchmaker, and had reckoned upon me to take on his business. My +successes were as gall and wormwood to him, for he quite saw that all +this store of Latin was dead against him, and that it would convert +me into a pillar of the Church which he disliked. He never lost an +opportunity of airing before me his favourite phrase, "a donkey loaded +with Latin." Afterwards, when my writings were published, he had his +triumph. I sometimes reproach myself for having contributed to the +triumph of M. Homais over his priest. But it cannot be helped, for +M. Homais is right. But for M. Homais we should all be burnt at the +stake. But as I have said, when one has been at great pains to learn +the truth, it is irritating to have to allow that the frivolous, who +could never be induced to read a line of St. Augustine or St. Thomas +Aquinas, are the true sages. It is hard to think that Gavroche and M. +Homais attain without an effort the alpine heights of philosophy. + +My young compatriot and friend, M. Quellien, a Breton poet full of +raciness and originality, the only man of the present day whom I have +known to possess the faculty of creating myths, has described this +phase of my destiny in a very ingenious style. He says that my soul +will dwell, in the shape of a white sea-bird, around the ruined church +of St. Michel, an old building struck by lightning which stands above +Treguier. The bird will fly all night with plaintive cries around the +barricaded door and windows, seeking to enter the sanctuary, but not +knowing that there is a secret door. And so through all eternity +my unhappy spirit will moan, ceaselessly upon this hill. "It is +the spirit of a priest who wants to say mass," one peasant will +observe.--"He will never find a boy to serve it for him," will rejoin +another. And that is what I really am--an incomplete priest. +Quellien has very clearly discerned what will always be lacking in +my church--the chorister boy. My life is like a mass which has some +fatality hanging over it, a never-ending _Introibo ad altare Dei_ with +no one to respond: _Ad Deum qui loetificat juventutem meam_. There is +no one to serve my mass for me. In default of any one else I respond +for myself, but it is not the same thing. + +Thus everything seemed to make for my having a modest ecclesiastical +career in Brittany. I should have made a very good priest, indulgent, +fatherly, charitable, and of blameless morals. I should have been as +a priest what I am as a father, very much loved by my flock, and as +easy-going as possible in the exercise of my authority. What are now +defects would have been good qualities. Some of the errors which +I profess would have been just the thing for a man who identifies +himself with the spirit of his calling. I should have got rid of some +excrescences which, being only a layman, I have not taken the trouble +to remove, easy as it would have been for me to do so. My career would +have been as follows: at two-and-twenty professor at the College of +Treguier, and at about fifty canon, or perhaps grand vicar at St. +Brieuc, very conscientious, very generally respected, a kind-hearted +and gentle confessor. Little inclined to new dogmas, I should have +been bold enough to say with many good ecclesiastics after the Vatican +Council: _Posui custodiam ori meo._ My antipathy for the Jesuits +would have shown itself by never alluding to them, and a fund of mild +Gallicanism would have been veiled beneath the semblance of a profound +knowledge of canon law. + +An extraneous incident altered the whole current of my life. From the +most obscure of little towns in the most remote of provinces I +was thrust without preparation into the vortex of all that is most +sprightly and alert in Parisian society. The world stood revealed to +me, and my self became a double one. The Gascon got the better of the +Breton; there was no more _custodia oris mei_, and I put aside the +padlock which I should otherwise have set upon my mouth. In so far as +regards my inner self I remained the same. But what a change in the +outward show! Hitherto I had lived in a hypogeum, lighted by smoky +lamps; now I was going to see the sun and the light of day. + + + + +THE PETTY SEMINARY OF SAINT NICHOLAS DU CHARDONNET. + +PART II. + + +About the month of April, 1838, M. de Talleyrand, feeling his end draw +near, thought it necessary to act a last lie in accordance with human +prejudices, and he resolved to be reconciled, in appearance, to +a Church whose truth, once acknowledged by him, convicted him of +sacrilege and of dishonour. This ticklish job could best be performed, +not by a staid priest of the old Gallican school, who might have +insisted upon a categorical retractation of errors, upon his making +amends and upon his doing penance; not by a young Ultramontane of the +new school, against whom M. de Talleyrand would at once have been very +prejudiced, but by a priest who was a man of the world, well-read, +very little of a philosopher, and nothing of a theologian, and upon +those terms with the ancient classes which alone give the Gospel +occasional access to circles for which it is not suited. Abbe +Dupanloup, already well known for his success at the Catechism of the +Assumption among a public which set more store by elegant phrases +than doctrine, was just the man to play an innocent part in the comedy +which simple souls would regard as an edifying act of grace. His +intimacy with the Duchesse de Dino, and especially with her daughter, +whose religious education he had conducted, the favour in which he was +held by M. de Quelen (Archbishop of Paris), and the patronage which +from the outset of his career had been accorded him by the Faubourg +St. Germain, all concurred to fit him for a work which required more +worldly tact than theology, and in which both earth and heaven were to +be fooled. + +It is said that M. de Talleyrand, remarking a certain hesitation on +the part of the priest who was about to convert him, ejaculated: "This +young man does not know his business." If he really did make this +remark, he was very much mistaken. Never was a priest better up in his +calling than this young man. The aged statesman, resolved not to erase +his past until the very last hour, met all the entreaties made to him +with a sullen "not yet." The _Sto ad ostium etpulso_ had to be brought +into play with great tact. A fainting-fit, or a sudden acceleration +in the progress of the death-agony would be fatal, and too much +importunity might bring out a "No" which would upset the plans so +skilfully laid. Upon the morning of May 17th, which was the day of +his death, nothing was yet signed. Catholics, as is well known, attach +very great importance to the moment of death. If future rewards and +punishments have any real existence, it is evident that they must be +proportioned to a whole life of virtue or of vice. But the Catholic +does not look at it in this light, and an edifying death-bed makes up +for all other things. Salvation is left to the chances of the eleventh +hour. Time pressed, and it was resolved to play a bold game. M. +Dupanloup was waiting in the next room, and he sent the winsome +daughter of the Duchesse de Dino, of whom Talleyrand was always so +fond, to ask if he might come in. The answer, for a wonder, was in the +affirmative, and the priest spent several minutes with him, +bringing out from the sick-room a paper signed "Charles Maurice de +Talleyrand-Perigord, Prince de Benevent." + +There was joy--if not in heaven, at all events in the Catholic world +of the Faubourgs St. Germain and St. Honore. The credit of this +victory was ascribed, in the main, to the female grace which had +succeeded in getting round the aged prince, and inducing him to +retract the whole of his revolutionary past, but some of it went to +the youthful ecclesiastic who had displayed so much tact in bringing +to a satisfactory conclusion a project in which it was so easy to +fail. M. Dupanloup was from that day one of the first of French +priests. Position, honours, and money were pressed upon him by the +wealthy and influential classes in Paris. The money he accepted, but +do not for a moment suppose that it was for himself, as there never +was any one so unselfish as M. Dupanloup. The quotation from the Bible +which was oftenest upon his lips, and which was doubly a favourite +one with him because it was truly Scriptural and happened to terminate +like a Latin verse was: _Da mihi animas; cetera tolle tibi_. He had +at that time in his mind the general outlines of a grand propaganda by +means of classical and religious education, and he threw himself +into it with all the passionate ardour which he displayed in the +undertakings upon which he embarked. + +The seminary Saint Nicholas du Chardonnet, situated by the side of +the church of that name, between the Rue Saint Victor and the Rue de +Pontoise, had since the Revolution been the petty seminary for the +diocese of Paris. This was not its primitive destination. In the great +movement of religious reform which occurred during the first half of +the seventeenth century, and to which the names of Vincent de Paul, +Olier, Berulle, and Father Eudes are attached, the church of Saint +Nicholas du Chardonnet filled, though in a humbler measure, the same +part as Saint Sulpice. The parish of Saint Nicholas, which derived its +name from a field of thistles well known to students at the University +of Paris in the middle ages, was then the centre of a very wealthy +neighbourhood, the principal residents belonging to the magistracy. +As Olier founded the St. Sulpice Seminary, so Adrien de Bourdoise, +founded the company of Saint Nicholas du Chardonnet, and made this +establishment a nursery for young priests which lasted until the +Revolution. It had not, however, like the Saint Sulpice establishment, +a number of branch houses in other parts of France. Moreover, the +association was not revived after the Revolution like that of Saint +Sulpice, and their building in the Rue Saint Victor was untenanted. At +the time of the Concordat it was given to the diocese of Paris, to be +used as a petty seminary. Up to 1837, this establishment did not make +any sort of a name for itself. The brilliant Renaissance of learned +and worldly clericalism dates from the decade of 1830-40. During the +first third of the century, Saint Nicholas was an obscure religious +establishment, the number of students being below the requirements of +the diocese, and the level of study a very low one. Abbe Frere, the +head of the seminary, though a profound theologian and well versed in +the mysticism of the Christian faith, was not in the least suited to +rouse and stimulate lads who were engaged in literary study. Saint +Nicholas, under his headship, was a thoroughly ecclesiastical +establishment, its comparatively few students having a clerical career +in view, and the secular side of education was passed over entirely. + +M. de Quelen was very well inspired when he entrusted the management +of this college to M. Dupanloup. The archbishop was not the man to +approve of the strict clericalism of Abbe Frere. He liked _piety_, +but worldly and well-bred piety, without any scholastic barbarisms or +mystic jargon, piety as a complement of the well-bred ideal which, +to tell the truth, was his main faith. If Hugues or Richard de Saint +Victor had risen up before him in the shape of pedants or boors he +would have set little store by them. He was very much attached to M. +Dupanloup, who was at that time Legitimist and Ultramontane. It was +only the exaggerations of a later day which so changed the parts that +he came to be looked upon as a Gallican and an Orleanist. M. de +Quelen treated him as a spiritual son, sharing his dislikes and his +prejudices. He doubtless knew the secret of his birth. The families +which had looked after the young priest, had made him a man of +breeding, and admitted him into their exclusive coterie, were those +with which the archbishop was intimate, and which formed in his eyes +the limits of the universe. I remember seeing M. de Quelen, and he was +quite the type of the ideal bishop under the old _regime_. I remember +his feminine beauty, his perfect figure, and the easy grace of all his +movements. His mind had received no other cultivation than that of a +well-educated man of the world. Religion in his eyes was inseparable +from good breeding and the modicum of common sense which a classical +education is apt to give. + +This was about the level of M. Dupanloup's intellect. He had neither +the brilliant imagination which will give a lasting value to certain +of Lacordaire's and Montalembert's works, nor the profound passion +of Lamennais. In the case of the archbishop and M. Dupanloup, good +breeding and polish were the main thing, and the approval of those who +stood high in the world was the touchstone of merit. They knew nothing +of theology, which they had studied but little, and for which they +thought it enough to express platonic reverence. Their faith was +very keen and sincere, but it was a faith which took everything for +granted, and which did not busy itself with the dogmas which must be +accepted. They knew that scholasticism would not go down with the +only public for which they cared--the worldly and somewhat frivolous +congregations which sit beneath the preachers at St. Roch or St. +Thomas Aquinas. + +Such were the views entertained by M. de Quelen when he made over to +M. Dupanloup the austere and little known establishment of Abbe Frere +and Adrien de Bourdoise. The petty seminary of Paris had hitherto, by +virtue of the Concordat, been merely a training school for the clergy +of Paris, quite sufficient for its purpose, but strictly confined +to the object prescribed by the law. The new superior chosen by the +archbishop had far higher aims. He set to work to re-construct the +whole fabric, from the buildings themselves, of which only the old +walls were left standing, to the course of teaching, which he re-cast +entirely. There were two essential points which he kept before him. +In the first place he saw that a petty seminary which was altogether +ecclesiastical could not answer in Paris, and would never suffice to +recruit a sufficient number of priests for the diocese. He accordingly +utilised the information which reached him, especially from the west +of France and from his native Savoy, to bring to the college any +youths of promise whom he might hear of. Secondly, he determined that +the college should become a model place of education instead of being +a strict seminary with all the asceticism of a place in which the +clerical element was unalloyed. He hoped to let the same course of +education serve for the young men studying for the priesthood, and +for the sons of the highest families in France. His success in the +Rue Saint Florentin (this was where Talleyrand died) had made him +a favourite with the Legitimists, and he had several useful friends +among the Orleanists. Well posted in all the fashionable changes, and +neglecting no opportunity for pushing himself, he was always quick to +adapt himself to the spirit of the time. His theory of what the world +should be was a very aristocratic one, but he maintained that there +were three orders of aristocracy: the nobility, the clergy, and +literature. What he wished to insure was a liberal education, which +would be equally suitable for the clergy and for the youths of the +Faubourg Saint Germain, based upon Christian piety and classical +literature. The study of science was almost entirely excluded, and he +himself had not even a smattering of it. + +Thus the old house in the Rue Saint Victor was for many years the +rendezvous of youths bearing the most famous of French names, and +it was considered a very great favour for a young man to obtain +admission. The large sums which many rich people paid to secure +admission for their sons served to provide a free education for young +men without fortune who had shown signs of talent. This testified to +the unbounded faith of M. Dupanloup in classical learning. He looked +upon these classical studies as part and parcel of religion. He held +that youths destined for holy orders and those who were in afterlife +to occupy the highest social positions should both receive the same +education. Virgil, he thought should be as much a part of a priest's +intellectual training as the Bible. He hoped that the _elite_ of his +theological students would, by their association upon equal terms with +young men of good family, acquire more polish and a higher social tone +than can be obtained in seminaries peopled by peasants' sons. He was +wonderfully successful in this respect. The college, though consisting +of two elements, apparently incongruous, was remarkable for its unity. +The knowledge that talent overrode all other considerations prevented +anything like jealousy, and by the end of a week the poorest youth +from the provinces, awkward and simple as he might be, was envied by +the young millionaire--who, little as he might know it, was paying for +his schooling--if he had turned out some good Latin verses, or written +a clever exercise. + +In the year 1838, I was fortunate enough to win all the prizes in my +class at the Treguier College. The _palmares_ happened to be seen by +one of the enlightened men whom M. Dupanloup employed to recruit his +youthful army. My fate was settled in a twinkling, and "Have him sent +for" was the order of the impulsive Superior. I was fifteen and a half +years old, and we had no time to reflect. I was spending the holidays +with a friend in a village near Treguier, and in the afternoon of the +4th of September I was sent for in haste. I remember my returning home +as well as if it was only yesterday. We had a league to travel through +the country. The vesper bell with its soft cadence echoing from +steeple to steeple awoke a sensation of gentle melancholy, the image +of the life which I was about to abandon for ever. The next day I +started for Paris; upon the 7th I beheld sights which were as novel +for me as if I had been suddenly landed in France from Tahiti or +Timbuctoo. + + + + +THE PETTY SEMINARY OF SAINT NICHOLAS DU CHARDONNET. + +PART III. + + +No Buddhist Lama or Mussulman Fakir, suddenly translated from Asia to +the Boulevards of Paris, could have been more taken aback than I was +upon being suddenly landed in a place so different from that in which +moved my old Breton priests, who, with their venerable heads all wood +or granite, remind one of the Osirian colossi which in after life +so struck my fancy when I saw them in Egypt, grandiose in their long +lines of immemorial calm. My coming to Paris marked the passage +from one religion to another. There was as much difference between +Christianity as I left it in Brittany and that which I found current +in Paris, as there is between a piece of old cloth, as stiff as a +board, and a bit of fine cambric. It was not the same religion. My old +priests, with their heavy old-fashioned copes, had always seemed to +me like the magi, from whose lips came the eternal truths, whereas +the new religion to which I was introduced was all print and calico, a +piety decked out with ribbons and scented with musk, a devotion which +found expression in tapers and small flower-pots, a young lady's +theology without stay or style, as composite as the polychrome +frontispiece of one of Lebel's prayer-books. + +This was the gravest crisis in my life. The young Breton does not bear +transplanting. The keen moral repulsion which I felt, superadded to +a complete change in my habits and mode of life, brought on a very +severe attack of home-sickness. The confinement to the college was +intolerable. The remembrance of the free and happy life which I had +hitherto led with my mother went to my very heart. I was not the only +sufferer. M. Dupanloup had not calculated all the consequences of +his policy. Imperious as a military commander, he did not take into +account the deaths and casualties which occurred among his young +recruits. We confided our sorrows to one another. My most intimate +friend, a young man from Coutances, if I remember right, who had been, +transported like myself from a happy home, brooded in solitary grief +over the change and died. The natives of Savoy were even less easily +acclimatised. One of them, who was rather my senior, confessed to me +that every evening he calculated the distance from his dormitory on +the third floor to the pavement in the street below. I fell ill, and +to all appearances was not likely to recover. The melancholy to which +Bretons are so subject took hold of me. The memories of the last notes +of the vesper bell which I had heard pealing over our dear hills, and +of the last sunset upon our peaceful plains, pricked me like pointed +darts. + +According to every rule of medicine I ought to have died; and it is +perhaps a pity that I did not. Two friends whom I brought with me from +Brittany, in the following year gave this clear proof of fidelity. +They could not accustom themselves to this new world, and they left +it. I sometimes think that the Breton part of me did die; the +Gascon, unfortunately, found sufficient reason for living! The latter +discovered, too, that this new world was a very curious one, and was +well worth clinging to. It was to him who had put me to this severe +test that I owed my escape from death. I am indebted to M. Dupanloup +for two things: for having brought me to Paris, and for having saved +me from dying when I got there. He naturally did not concern himself +much about me at first. The most eagerly sought after priest in Paris, +with an establishment of two hundred students to superintend or rather +to found, could not be expected to take any deep personal interest in +an obscure youth. A peculiar incident formed a bond between us. The +real cause of my suffering was the ever-present souvenir of my mother. +Having always lived alone with her, I could not tear myself away from +the recollection of the peaceful, happy life which I had led year +after year. I had been happy, and I had been poor with her. A +thousand details of this very poverty, which absence made all the more +touching, searched out my very heart. At night I was always thinking +of her, and I could get no sleep. My only consolation was to write her +letters full of tender feeling and moist with tears. Our letters, +as is the usage in religious establishments, were read by one of the +masters. He was so struck by the tone of deep affection which pervaded +my boyish utterances that he showed one of them to M. Dupanloup, who +was very much surprised when he read it. + +The noblest trait in M. Dupanloup's character was his affection for +his mother. Though his birth was, in one way, the greatest trouble of +his life, he worshipped his mother. She lived with him, and though +we never saw her, we knew that he always spent so much time with her +every day. He often said that a man's worth is to be measured by the +respect he pays to his mother. He gave us excellent advice upon +this head which I never failed to follow, as, for instance, never to +address her in the second person singular, or to end a letter without +using the word _respect_. This created a connecting link between us. +My letter was shown to him on a Friday, upon which evening the reports +for the week were always read out before him. I had not, upon that +occasion, done very well with my composition, being only fifth or +sixth. "Ah!" he said, "if the subject had been that of a letter which +I read this morning, Ernest Renan would have been first." From that +time forth he noticed me. He recognised the fact of my existence, and +I regarded him, as we all did, as a principle of life, a sort of god. +One worship took the place of another, and the sentiment inspired by +my early teachers gradually died out. + +Only those who knew Saint Nicholas du Chardonnet during the brilliant +period from 1838 to 1844 can form an adequate idea of the intense +life which prevailed there.[1] And this life had only one source, one +principle: M. Dupanloup himself. The whole work fell on his shoulders. +Regulations, usage administration, the spiritual and temporal +government of the college, were all centred in him. The college was +full of defects, but he made up for them all. As a writer and an +orator he was only second-rate, but as an educator of youth he had no +equal. The old rules of Saint Nicholas du Chardonnet provided, as +in all other seminaries, that half an hour should be devoted every +evening to what was known as spiritual reading. Before M. Dupanloup's +time, the readings were from some ascetic book such as the _Lives of +the Fathers in the Desert_, but he took this half hour for himself, +and every evening he put himself into direct communication with all +his pupils by the medium of a familiar conversation, which was so +natural and unrestrained that it might often have borne comparison +with the homilies of John Chrysostom in the Palaea of Antioch. Any +incident in the inner life of the college, any occurrence directly +concerning himself or one of the pupils furnished the theme for a +brief and lively soliloquy. The reading of the reports on Friday was +still more dramatic and personal, and we all anticipated that day with +a mixture of hope and apprehension. The observations with which he +interlarded the reading of the notes were charged with life and death. +There was no mode of punishment in force; the reading of the notes and +the reflections which he made upon them being the sole means which he +employed to keep us all on the _qui vive_. This system, doubtless, had +its drawbacks. Worshipped by his pupils, M. Dupanloup was not always +liked by his fellow-workers. I have been told that it was the same +in his diocese, and that he was always a greater favourite with his +laymen than with his priests. There can be no doubt that he put every +one about him into the background. But his very violence made us like +him, for we felt that all his thoughts were concentrated on us. He was +without an equal in the art of rousing his pupils to exertion, and +of getting the maximum amount of work out of each. Each pupil had a +distinct existence in his mind, and for each one of them he was an +ever-present stimulus to work. He set great store by talent, and +treated it as the groundwork of faith. He often said that a man's +worth must be measured by his faculty for admiration. His own +admiration was not always very enlightened or scientific, but it was +prompted by a generous spirit, and a heart really glowing with the +love of the beautiful. He was the Villemain of the Catholic school, +and M. Villemain was the friend whom he loved and appreciated the most +among laymen. Every time he had seen him, he related the conversation +which they had together in terms of the warmest sympathy. + +The defects of his own mind were reflected in the education which he +imparted. He was not sufficiently rational or scientific. It might +have been thought that his two hundred pupils were all destined to be +poets, writers, and orators. He set little value on learning without +talent. This was made very clear at the entrance of the Nicolaites +to St. Sulpice, where talent was held of no account, and where +scholasticism and erudition alone were prized. When it came to a +question of doing an exercise of logic or philosophy in barbarous +Latin, the students of St. Nicholas, who had been fed upon more +delicate literature, could not stomach such coarse food. They were +not, therefore, much liked at St. Sulpice, to which M. Dupanloup, +was never appointed, as he was considered to be too little of a +theologian. When an ex-student of St. Nicholas ventured to speak of +his former school, the old tutors would remark: "Oh, yes! in the time +of M. Bourdoise," as much as to say that the seventeenth century was +the period during which this establishment achieved its celebrity. + +Whatever its shortcomings in some respects, the education given at St. +Nicholas was of a very high literary standard. Clerical education has +this superiority over a university education, that it is absolutely +independent in everything which does not relate to religion. +Literature is discussed under all its aspects, and the yoke of +classical dogma sits much more lightly. This is how it was that +Lamartine, whose education and training were altogether clerical, +was far more intelligent than any university man; and when this is +followed by philosophical emancipation, the result is a very frank and +unbiased mind. I completed my classical education without having read +Voltaire, but I knew the _Soirees de St. Petersbourg_ by heart, and +its style, the defects of which I did not discover until much later, +had a very stimulating effect upon me. + +The discussions on romanticism, then so fierce in the world outside, +found their way into the college and all our talk was of Lamartine and +Victor Hugo. The superior joined in with them, and for nearly a year +they were the sole topic of our spiritual readings. M. Dupanloup did +not go all the way with the champions of romanticism, but he was much +more with them than against them. Thus it was that I came to know of +the struggles of the day. Later still, the _solvuntur objecta_ of the +theologians enabled me to attain liberty of thought. The thorough +good faith of the ancient ecclesiastical teaching consisted in not +dissimulating the force of any objection, and as the answers were +generally very weak, a clever person could work out the truth for +himself. + +I learnt much, too, from the course of lectures on history. Abbe +Richard[2] gave these lectures in the spirit of the modern school +and with marked ability. For some reason or other his lectures were +interrupted, and his place was taken by a tutor, who with many other +engagements on hand, merely read to us some old notes, interspersed +with extracts from modern books. Among these modern volumes, which +often formed a striking contrast with the jog-trot old notes, there +was one which produced a very singular effect upon me. Whenever he +began to read from it I was incapable of taking a single note, my +whole being seeming to thrill with intoxicating harmony. The book was +Michelet's _Histoire de France_, the passages which so affected me +being in the fifth and sixth volumes. Thus the modern age penetrated +into me as through all the fissures of a cracked cement. I had come to +Paris with a complete moral training, but ignorant to the last degree. +I had everything to learn. It was a great surprise for me when I +found that there was such a person as a serious and learned layman. +I discovered that antiquity and the Church are not everything in this +world, and especially that contemporary literature was well worthy of +attention. I ceased to look upon the death of Louis XIV. as marking +the end of the world. I became imbued with ideas and sentiments which +had no expression in antiquity or in the seventeenth century. + +So the germ which was in me began to sprout. Distasteful as it was +in many respects to my nature, this education had the effect of a +chemical reagent, and stirred all the life and activity that was in +me. For the essential thing in education is not the doctrine taught, +but the arousing of the faculties. In proportion as the foundations of +my religious faith had been shaken by finding the same names applied +to things so different, so did my mind greedily swallow the new +beverage prepared for it. The world broke in upon me. Despite its +claim to be a refuge to which the stir of the outside world never +penetrated, St. Nicholas was at this period the most brilliant and +worldly house in Paris. The atmosphere of Paris--minus, let me +add, its corruptions--penetrated by door and window; Paris with its +pettiness and its grandeur, its revolutionary force and its lapses +into flabby indifference. My old Brittany priests knew much more Latin +and mathematics than my new masters; but they lived in the catacombs, +bereft of light and air. Here, the atmosphere of the age had free +course. In our walks to Gentilly of an evening we engaged in endless +discussions. I could never sleep of a night after that; my head was +full of Hugo and Lamartine. I understood what glory was after having +vaguely expected to find it in the roof of the chapel at Treguier. In +the course of a short time a very great revelation was borne in upon +me. The words talent, brilliancy, and reputation, conveyed a meaning +to me. The modest, ideal which my earliest teachers had inculcated +faded away; I had embarked upon a sea agitated by all the storms and +currents of the age. These currents and gales were bound to drive my +vessel towards a coast whither my former friends would tremble to see +me land. + +My performances in class were very irregular. Upon one occasion I +wrote an _Alexander_, which must be in the prize exercise book, +and which I would reprint if I had it by me. But purely rhetorical +compositions were very distasteful to me; I could never make a decent +speech. Upon one prize-day we got up a representation of the Council +of Clermont, and the various speeches suitable to the occasion were +allotted by competition. I was a miserable failure as Peter the Hermit +and Urban II.; my Godefroy de Bouillon was pronounced to be utterly +devoid of military ardour. A warlike song in Sapphic and Adonic +stanzas created a more favourable impression. My refrain _Sternite +Turcas_, a short and sharp solution of the Eastern Question, was +selected for recital in public. I was too staid for these childish +proceedings. We were often set to write a Middle Age tale, terminating +with some striking miracle, and I was far too fond of selecting the +cure of lepers. I often thought of my early studies in mathematics, +in which I was pretty well advanced, and I spoke of it to my fellow +students, who were much amused at the idea, for mathematics stood very +low in their estimation, compared to the literary studies which +they looked upon as the highest expression of human intelligence. +My reasoning powers only revealed themselves later, while studying +philosophy at Issy. The first time that my fellow pupils heard me +argue in Latin they were surprised. They saw at once that I was of a +different race from themselves, and that I should still be marching +forward when they had reached the bounds set for them. But in rhetoric +I did not stand so well. I looked upon it as a pure waste of time and +ingenuity to write when one has no thoughts of one's own to express. + +The groundwork of ideas upon which education at St. Nicholas was based +was shallow, but it was brilliant upon the surface, and the elevation +of feeling which pervaded the whole system was another notable +feature. I have said that no kind of punishment was administered; or, +to speak more accurately, there was only one, expulsion. Except in +cases where some grave offence had been committed, there was nothing +degrading in being dismissed. No particular reason was alleged, the +superior saying to the student who was sent away: "You are a very +worthy young man, but your intelligence is not of the turn we require. +Let us part friends. Is there any service I can do you?" The favour +of being allowed to share in an education considered to be so +exceptionally good was thought so much of that we dreaded an +announcement of this kind like a sentence of death. This is one of +the secrets of the superiority of ecclesiastical over state colleges; +their _regime_ is much more liberal, for none of the students are +there by right, and coercion must inevitably lead to separation. +There is something cold and hard about the schools and colleges of +the state, while the fact of a student having secured by a competitive +examination an inalienable right to his place in them, is an +infallible source of weakness. For my own part I have never been +able to understand how the master of a normal school, for instance, +manages, inasmuch as he is unable to say, without further explanation, +to the pupils who are unsuited for their vocation: "You have not the +bent of intelligence for our calling, but I have no doubt that you are +a very good lad, and that you will get on better elsewhere. Good-bye." +Even the most trifling punishment implies a servile principle of +obedience from fear. So far as I am myself concerned, I do not think +that at any period of my life I have been obedient. I have, I know, +been docile and submissive, but it has been to a spiritual principle, +not to a material force wielding the dread of punishment. My +mother never ordered me to do a thing. The relations between my +ecclesiastical teachers and myself were entirely free and spontaneous. +Whoever has had experience of this _rationabile obsequium_ cannot put +up with any other. An order is a humiliation whosoever has to obey is +a _capitis minor_ sullied on the very threshold of the higher life. +Ecclesiastical obedience has nothing lowering about it; for it is +voluntary, and those who do not get on together can separate. In one +of my Utopian dreams of an aristocratic society, I have provided that +there should only be one penalty, death; or rather, that all serious +offences should be visited by a reprimand from the recognised +authorities which no man of honour would survive. I should never have +done to be a soldier, for I should either have deserted or committed +suicide. I am afraid that the new military institutions which do +not leave a place for any exceptions or equivalents will have a very +lowering moral effect. To compel every one to obey is fatal to genius +and talent. The man who has passed years in the carriage of arms after +the German fashion is dead to all delicate work whether of the hand or +brain. Thus it is that Germany would be devoid of all talent since she +has been engrossed in military pursuits, but for the Jews, to whom she +is so ungrateful. + +The generation which was from fifteen to twenty years of age, at the +brilliant but fleeting epoch of which I am speaking, is now between +fifty-five and sixty. It will be asked whether this generation has +realised the unbounded hopes which the ardent spirit of our great +preceptor had conceived. The answer must unquestionably be in the +negative, for if these hopes had been fulfilled the face of the world +would have been completely changed. M. Dupanloup was too little in +love with his age, and too uncompromising to its spirit, to mould men +in accordance with the temper of the time. When I recall one of these +spiritual readings during which the master poured out the treasures of +his intelligence, the class-room with its serried benches upon which +clustered two hundred lads hushed in attentive respect, and when I set +myself to inquire whither have fled the two hundred souls, so closely +bound together by the ascendency of one man, I count more than one +case of waste and eccentricity; as might be expected, I can count +archbishops, bishops, and other dignitaries of the Church, all to a +certain extent enlightened and moderate in their views. I come upon +diplomatists, councillors of state, and others, whose honourable +careers would in some instances have been more brilliant if Marshal +MacMahon's dismissal of his ministry on the 16th of May, 1877, had +been a success. But, strange to say, I see among those who sat beside +a future prelate a young man destined to sharpen his knife so well +that he will drive it home to his archbishop's heart.... I think I +can remember Verger, and I may say of him as Sachetti said of the +beatified Florentine: _Fu mia vicina, andava come le altre._ The +education given us had its dangers; it had a tendency to produce over +excitement, and to turn the balance of the mind, as it did in Verger's +case. + +A still more striking instance of the saying that "the spirit bloweth +where it listeth," was that of H. de ----. When I first entered at +Saint-Nicholas he was the object of my special admiration. He was a +youth of exceptional talent, and he was a long way ahead of all his +comrades in rhetoric. His staid and elevated piety sprung from a +nature endowed with the loftiest aspirations. He quite came up to +our idea of perfection, and according to the custom of ecclesiastical +colleges, in which the senior pupils share the duties of the masters, +the most important of these functions were confided to him. His piety +was equally great for several years at the seminary of St. Sulpice. He +would remain for hours in the chapel, especially on holy days, bathed +in tears. I well remember one summer evening at Gentilly--which was +the country-house of the Petty Seminary of Saint-Nicholas--how we +clustered round some of the senior students and one of the masters +noted for his Christian piety, listening intently to what they told +us. The conversation had taken a very serious turn, the question under +discussion being the ever-enduring problem upon which all Christianity +rests--the question of divine election--the doubt in which each +individual soul must stand until the last hour, whether he will be +saved. The good priest dwelt specially upon this, telling us that no +one can be sure, however great may be the favours which Heaven has +showered upon him, that he will not fall away at the last. "I think," +he said, "that I have known one case of predestination." There was a +hush, and after a pause he added, "I mean H. de ----; if any one is +sure of being saved it is he. And yet who can tell that H. de ---- is +not a reprobate?" I saw H. de ---- again many years afterwards. He +had in the interval studied the Bible very deeply. I could not tell +whether he was entirely estranged from Christianity, but he no longer +wore the priestly garb, and was very bitter against clericalism. When +I met him later still I found that he had become a convert to extreme +democratic ideas, and with the passionate exaltation which was the +principal trait in his character, he was bent upon inaugurating the +reign of justice. His head was full of America, and I think that he +must be there now. A few years ago one of our old comrades told me +that he had read a name not unlike his among the list of men shot for +participation in the Communist insurrection of 1871. I think that he +was mistaken, but there can be no doubt that the career of poor H. de +---- was shipwrecked by some great storm. His many high qualities were +neutralised by his passionate temper. He was by far the most gifted of +my fellow pupils at Saint-Nicholas. But he had not the good sense +to keep cool in politics. A man who behaved as he did might get shot +twenty times. Idealists like us must be very careful how we play +with those tools. We are very likely to leave our heads or our +wing-feathers behind us. The temptation for a priest who has thrown up +the Church to become a democrat is very strong, beyond doubt, for +by so doing he regains colleagues and friends, and in reality merely +exchanges one sect for another. Such was the fate of Lamennais. One +of the wisest acts of Abbe Loyson has been the resistance of this +temptation and his refusal to accept the advances which the extreme +party always makes to those who have broken away from official ties. + +For three years I was subjected to this profound influence, which +brought about a complete transformation in my being. M. Dupanloup +had literally transfigured me. The poor little country lad struggling +vainly to emerge from his shell, had been developed into a young man +of ready and quick intelligence. There was, I know, one thing wanting +in my education, and until that void was filled up I was very cramped +in my powers. The one thing lacking was positive science, the idea +of a critical search after truth. This superficial humanism kept my +reasoning powers fallow for three years, while at the same time it +wore away the early candour of my faith. My Christianity was being +worn away, though there was nothing as yet in my mind which could be +styled doubt. I went every year, during the holidays, into Brittany. +Notwithstanding more than one painful struggle, I soon became my old +self again just as my early masters had fashioned me. + +In accordance with the general rule I went, after completing my +rhetoric at Saint-Nicholas du Chardonnet, to Issy, the country +branch of the St. Sulpice seminary. Thus I left M. Dupanloup for an +establishment in which the discipline was diametrically opposed to +that of Saint-Nicholas. The first thing which I was taught at St. +Sulpice was to regard as childish nonsense the very things which M. +Dupanloup had told me to prize the most. What, I was taught, could +be simpler? If Christianity is a revealed truth, should not the chief +occupation of the Christian be the study of that revelation, in other +words of theology? Theology and the study of the Bible absorbed my +whole time, and furnished me with the true reasons for believing in +Christianity and for not adhering to it. For four years a terrible +struggle went on within me, until at last the phrase, which I had long +put away from me as a temptation of the devil, "It is not true," would +not be denied. In describing this inward combat and the Seminary of +St. Sulpice itself, which is further removed from the present age than +if encircled by thousands of leagues of solitude, I will endeavour +also to show how I arose from the direct study of Christianity, +undertaken in the most serious spirit, without sufficient faith to be +a sincere priest, and yet with too much respect for it to permit of my +trifling with faiths so worthy of that respect. + + +[Footnote 1: A very graphic description of it has been given by +M. Adolphe Morillon in his _Souvenirs de Saint-Nicolas_. Paris. +Licoffre.] + +[Footnote 2: See the excellent memoir by M. Fonlon (now Archbishop of +Besancon) upon Abbe Richard.] + + + + +THE ISSY SEMINARY. + +PART I. + + +The Petty Seminary of Saint-Nicholas du Chardonnet had no +philosophical course, philosophy being, in accordance with the +division of ecclesiastical studies, reserved for the great seminary. +After having finished my classical education in the establishment so +ably directed by M. Dupanloup, I was, with the students in my class, +passed into the great seminary, which is set apart for an exclusively +ecclesiastical course of teaching. The grand seminary for the diocese +of Paris is St. Sulpice, which consists of two houses, one in +Paris and the other at Issy, where the students devote two years to +philosophy. These two seminaries form, in reality, one. The one is the +outcome of the other, and they are both conjoined at certain times; +the congregation from which the masters are selected is the same. St. +Sulpice exercised so great an influence over me, and so definitely +decided the whole course of my life, that I must perforce sketch its +history, and explain its principles and tendencies, so as to show how +they have continued to be the mainspring of all my intellectual and +moral development. + +St. Sulpice owes its origin to one whose name has not attained any +great celebrity, for celebrity rarely seeks out those who make a +point of avoiding notoriety, and whose predominant characteristic is +modesty. Jean-Jacques Olier, member of a family which supplied the +state with many trusty servitors, was the contemporary of, and a +fellow-worker with, Vincent de Paul, Berulle, Adrien de Bourdoise, +Pere Eudes, and Charles de Gondren, founders of congregations for the +reform of ecclesiastical education, who played a prominent part in the +preparatory reforms of the seventeenth century. During the reign of +Henri IV. and in the early years of the reign of Louis XIII., +the morality of the clergy was at the lowest possible point. The +fanaticism of the League, far from serving to make their morality more +rigorous, had just the contrary effect. Priests thought that because +they shouldered musket and carbine in the good cause they were at +liberty to do as they liked. The racy humour which prevailed during +the reign of Henri IV. was anything but favourable to mysticism. There +was a good side to the outspoken Rabelaisian gaiety which was not +deemed, in that day, incompatible with the priestly calling. In many +ways we prefer the bright and witty piety of Pierre Camus, a friend of +Francois de Sales, to the rigid and affected attitude which the French +clergy has since assumed, and which has converted them into a sort of +black army, holding aloof from the rest of the world and at war with +it. But there can be no doubt that about the year 1640 the education +of the clergy was not in keeping with the spirit of regularity and +moderation which was becoming more and more the law of the age. From +the most opposite directions came a cry for reform. Francois de Sales +admitted that he had not been successful in this attempt, and he told +Bourdoise that "after having laboured during seventeen years to train +only three such priests as I wanted to assist me in re-forming +the clergy of my diocese, I have only succeeded in forming one +and-a-half." Following upon him came the men of grave and reasonable +piety whom I named above. By means of congregations of a fresh type, +distinct from the old monkish rules and in some points copied from +the Jesuits, they created the seminary, that is to say the well-walled +nursery in which young clerks could be trained and formed. The +transformation was far extending. The schools of these powerful +teachers of the spiritual life turned out a body of men representing +the best disciplined, the most orderly, the most national, and it +maybe added, the most highly educated clergy ever seen--a clergy which +illustrated the second half of the seventeenth century and the whole +of the eighteenth, and the last of whose representatives have only +disappeared within the last forty years. Concurrently with these +exertions of orthodox piety arose Port-Royal, which was far superior +to St. Sulpice, to St. Lazare, to the Christian doctrine, and even +to the Oratoire, as regarded consistency in reasoning and talent in +writing, but which lacked the most essential of Catholic virtues, +docility. Port-Royal, like Protestantism, passed through every phase +of misfortune. It was distasteful to the majority, and was always in +opposition. When you have excited the antipathy of your country you +are too often led to take a dislike to your country. The persecuted +one is doubly to be pitied, for, in addition to the suffering which he +endures, persecution affects him morally; it rarely fails to warp the +mind and to shrink the heart. + +Olier occupies a place apart in this group of Catholic reformers. His +mysticism is of a kind peculiar to himself. His _Cathechisme chretien +pour la Vie interieure_, which is scarcely ever read outside +St. Sulpice, is a most remarkable book, full of poesy and sombre +philosophy, wavering from first to last between Louis de Leon and +Spinoza. Olier's ideal of the Christian life is what he calls "the +state of death." + +"What is the state of death?--It is a state during which the heart +cannot be moved to its depths, and though the world displays to it its +beauties, its honours, and its riches, the effect is the same as if it +offered them to a corpse, which remains motionless, and devoid of all +desire, insensible to all that goes on.... The corpse may be agitated +outwardly, and have some movement of the body; but this agitation +is all on the surface; it does not come from the inner man, which is +without life, vigour, or strength. Thus a soul which is dead within +may easily be attached by external things and be disturbed outwardly; +but in its inner self it remains dead and motionless to whatever may +happen." + +Nor is this all. Olier imagines as far superior to the state of death +the state of burial. + +"Death retains the appearance of the world and of the flesh; the dead +man seems to be still a part of Adam. He is now and again moved; he +continues to afford the world some pleasure. But the buried body is +forgotten, and no longer ranks with men. He is noisome and horrible; +he is bereft of all that pleases the eye; he is trodden under foot in +a cemetery without compunction, so convinced is every one that he is +nothing, and that he is rooted from among the number of men." + +The sombre fancies of Calvin are as Pelagian optimism compared to +the horrible nightmares which original sin evokes in the brain of the +pious recluse. + +"Could you add anything to drive more closely home the conception as +to how the flesh is only sin? It is so completely sin that it is all +intent and motion towards sin, and even to every kind of sin; so much +so, that if the Holy Ghost did not restrain our souls and succour us +with His grace, it would be carried away by all the inclinations of +the flesh, all of which tend to sin. + +"What is then the flesh?--It is the effect of sin; it is the principle +of sin. + +"If that is so, how comes it that you did not fall away every hour +into sin?--It is the mercy of God which keeps us from it.... I am, +therefore, indebted to God if I do not commit every kind of +sin?--Yes ... this is the general feeling of the saints, because the flesh +is drawn down towards sin by such a heavy weight that God alone can +prevent it from falling. + +"But will you kindly tell me something more about this?--All I can +tell you is that there is no conceivable kind of sin, no imperfection, +disorder, error, or unruliness of which the flesh is not full, just +as there is no levity, folly, or stupidity of which the flesh is not +capable at any moment. + +"What, I should be mad, and comport myself like a madman in the +highways and byways, but for the help of God?--That is a small matter, +and a question of common decency; but you must know that without +the grace of God and the virtue of His Spirit, there is no impurity, +meanness, infamy, drunkenness, blasphemy, or other kind of sin to +which man would not give himself over. + +"The flesh is very corrupt then?--You see that it is. + +"I cannot wonder therefore that you tell us we must hate our flesh and +hold our own bodies in horror; and that man, in his present condition, +is fated to be accursed, vilified and persecuted.--No, I can no longer +feel surprise at this. In truth, there is no form of misfortune and +suffering but which he may expect his flesh to bring down upon him. +You are right; all the hatred, malediction, and persecution which +beset the demon must also beset the flesh and all its motions. + +"There is, then, no extremity of insult too great to be put up with +and to be looked upon as deserved?--No. + +"Contempt, insult, and calumny should not then disturb our peace of +mind?--No. We should behave like the saint of former days, who was led +to the scaffold for a crime which he had not committed, and from which +he would not attempt to exculpate himself, as he said to himself that +he should have been guilty of this crime and of many far worse but for +the preventing grace of God. + +"Men, angels, and God Himself ought, therefore to persecute us without +ceasing? Yes, so it ought to be. + +"What! do you mean to say that sinners ought to be poor and bereft of +everything, like the demons?--Yes, and more than that. Sinners ought +to be placed under an interdict in regard to all their corporal and +spiritual faculties, and bereft of all the gifts of God." + +A hero of Christian humility, Olier was acting as he thought for the +best in making a mock of human nature and dragging it through the +mire. He had visions, and was favoured with inner revelations of which +the autographic account, written for his director, is still at St. +Sulpice. He stops short in his writing to make such reflections as +these: "My courage is at times utterly cast down when I see what +impertinences I have been writing. They must, I think, be a great +waste of time for my good director, whom I am afraid of amusing. I +pity him for having to spend his time in reading them, and it seems +to me that he ought to stop my writing this intolerable frivolity and +impertinence." + +But Olier, like nearly all the mystics, was not merely a strange +dreamer, but a powerful organizer. Entering very young into holy +orders, he was appointed, through the influence of his family, priest +of the parish of St. Sulpice, which was then attached to the Abbey of +Saint-Germain des Pres. His tender and susceptible piety took umbrage +at many things which had hitherto been looked upon as harmless--for +instance, at a tavern situated in the charnel-house of the church and +frequented by the choristers. His ideal was a clergy after his own +image--pious, zealous, and attached to their duties. Many other +saintly personages were labouring towards the same end, but Olier set +to work in very original fashion. Adrien de Bourdoise alone took the +same view as he did of ecclesiastical reform. What was truly novel in +the idea of these two founders was to try and effect the improvement +of the secular clergy by means of institutions for priests mixing +with the world and combining the cure of souls with the training of +students for the Church. + +Olier and Bourdoise accordingly, while carrying on the work of reform, +and becoming heads of religious congregations, remained parish priests +of St. Sulpice and Saint-Nicholas du Chardonnet. The seminary had its +origin in the assembling together of the priests into communities, and +these communities became schools of clericalism, homes in which +young men destined for the Church were piously trained for it. +What facilitated the creation of these establishments and made them +innocuous to the state was that they had no resident tutors. All the +theological tutors were at the Sorbonne, and the young men from St. +Sulpice and St. Nicholas, who were studying theology, went there for +their lectures. Thus the system of teaching remained national and +common to all. The seclusion of the seminary only applied to the +moral discipline and religious duties. This was the equivalent of the +practice now prevalent among the boarding-schools which send their +pupils to the Lycee. There was only one course of theology in Paris, +and that was the official one at the Faculty. The work in the interior +of the seminary was confined to repetitions and lectures. It is true +that this rule soon became obsolete. I have heard it said by old +students of St. Sulpice that towards the end of last century they went +very little to the Sorbonne, that the general opinion was that there +was little to be learnt there, and that the private lessons in +the seminary quite took the place of the official lecture. This +organisation was very similar, as may be seen, to that which now +obtains in the Normal School and regulates its relations with the +Sorbonne. Subsequent to the Concordat the whole of the education of +the seminaries was given within the walls. Napoleon did not think it +worth while to revive the monopoly of the Theological Faculty. This +could only have been effected by obtaining from the Court of Rome a +canonical institution, and this the Imperial Government did not care +to have. M. Emery, moreover, took good care never to suggest such a +step. He had anything but a favourable recollection of the old system, +and very much preferred keeping his young men under his own control. +The lectures _intra muros_ thus became the regular course of teaching. +Nevertheless, as change is a thing unknown at St. Sulpice, the old +names remain what they were. The seminary has no professors; all the +members of the congregation have the uniform title of director. + +The company founded by Olier retained until the Revolution its repute +for modesty and practical virtue. Its achievements in theology were +somewhat insignificant, as it had not the lofty independence of +Port-Royal. It went too far into Molinism, and did not avoid the +paltry meanness which is, so to speak, the outcome of the rigid +ideas of the orthodox and a set-off against his good qualities. The +ill-humour of Saint Simon against these pious priests is, however, +carried too far. They were, in the great ecclesiastical army, the +noncommissioned officers and drill-sergeants, and it would have been +absurd to expect from them the high breeding of general officers. The +company exercised through its numerous provincial houses a decisive +influence upon the education of the French clergy, while in Canada +it acquired a sort of religious suzerainty which harmonised very well +with the English rule--so well-disposed towards ancient rights and +custom, and which has lasted down to our own day. + +The Revolution did not have any effect upon St. Sulpice. A man of cool +and resolute character, such as the company always numbered among its +members, reconstructed it upon the very same basis. M. Emery, a +very learned and moderately Gallican priest, so completely gained +Napoleon's confidence that be obtained from him the necessary +authorisations. He would have been very much surprised if he had been +told that the fact of making such a demand was a base concession to +the civil power, and a sort of impiety. Thus things recurred to their +old groove as they were before the Revolution, the door moved on its +old hinges, and as from Olier to the Revolution there had not been +any change, the seventeenth century had still a resting-place in one +corner of Paris. + +St. Sulpice continued amid surroundings so different, to be what it +had always been before--moderate and respectful towards the civil +power, and to hold aloof from politics.[1] With its legal status +thoroughly assured, thanks to the judicious measures taken by M. +Emery, St. Sulpice was blind to all that went on in the world outside. +After the Revolution of 1830, there was some little stir in the +college. The echo of the heated discussions of the day sometimes +pierced its walls, and the speeches of M. Mauguin--I am sure I don't +know why--were special favourites with the junior students. One of +them took an opportunity of reading to the superior, M. Duclaux, an +extract from a debate which had struck him as being more violent than +usual. The old priest, wrapped up in his own reflections, had scarcely +listened. When the student had finished, he awoke from his lethargy, +and shaking him by the hand, observed: "It is very clear, my lad, that +these men do not say their orisons." The remark has often recalled +itself to me of late in connection with certain speeches. What a light +is let in upon many points by the fact that M. Clemenceau does not +probably say his orisons! + +These imperturbable old men were very indifferent to what went on +in the world, which to their mind was a barrel-organ continually +repeating the same tune. Upon one occasion there was a good deal of +commotion upon the Place St. Sulpice, and one of the professors, whose +feelings were not so well under control as those of his colleagues, +wanted them all "to go to the chapel and die in a body." "I don't +see the use of that," was the reply of one of his colleagues, and the +professors continued their constitutional walk under the colonnade of +the courtyard. + +Amid the religious difficulties of the time, the priests of St. +Sulpice preserved an equally neutral and sagacious attitude, the only +occasions upon which they betrayed anything like warmth of feeling +being when the episcopal authority was threatened. They soon found out +the spitefulness of M. de Lamennais, and would have nothing to do with +him. The theological romanticism of Lacordaire and of Montalembert was +not much more appreciated by them, the dogmatic ignorance and the very +weak reasoning powers of this school indisposing them against it. They +were fully alive to the danger of Catholic journalism. Ultramontanism +they at first looked upon as merely a convenient method of appealing +to a distant and often ill-informed authority from one nearer at hand, +and less easy to inveigle. The older members, who had gone +through their studies at the Sorbonne before the Revolution, were +uncompromising partisans of the four propositions of 1682. Bossuet +was their oracle on every point. One of the most respected of the +directors, M. Boyer, had, while at Rome, a long argument with Pope +Gregory XVI. upon the Gallican propositions. He asserted that the Pope +could not answer his arguments. He detracted, it is true, from the +significance of his success by admitting that no one in Rome took him +_au serieux_, and the residents in the Vatican made sport of him as +being "an antediluvian." It is a pity-that they did not pay more heed +to what he said. A complete change took place about 1840. The older +members whose training dated from before the Revolution were dead, +and the younger ones nearly all rallied to the doctrine of papal +infallibility; but there was, despite of that, a great gulf between +these Ultramontanes of the eleventh hour and the impetuous deriders +of Scholasticism and the Gallican Church who were enrolled under the +banner of Lamennais. St. Sulpice never went so far as they did in +trampling recognised rules under foot. + +It cannot be denied that mingled with all this there was a certain +amount of antipathy against talent, and of resentment at interference +with the routine of the schoolmen disturbed in their old-fashioned +doctrines by troublesome innovators. But there was at the same time +a good deal of practical tact in the rules followed by these prudent +directors. They saw the danger of being more royalist than the king, +and they knew how easy was the transition from one extreme to the +other. Men less exempt than they were, from anything like vanity, +would have exulted when Lamennais, the master of these brilliant +paradoxes, who had represented them as being guilty of heresy and +lukewarmness for the Holy See, himself became a heretic, and accused +the Church of Rome of being the tomb of human souls and the mother of +error. Age must not attempt to ape the ways of youth under penalty of +being treated with disrespect. + +It is on account of this frankness that St. Sulpice represents all +that is most upright in religion. No attenuation of the dogmas of +Scripture was allowed at St. Sulpice; the fathers, the councils, and +the doctors were looked upon as the sources of Christianity. Proof +of the divinity of Christ was not sought in Mohammed or the battle of +Marengo. These theological buffooneries, which by force of impudence +and eloquence extorted admiration in Notre-Dame, had no such effect +upon these serious-minded Christians. They never thought that the +dogma had any need to be toned down, veiled, or dressed up to suit +the taste of modern France. They showed themselves deficient in the +critical faculty in supposing that the Catholicism of the theologians +was the self-same religion of Jesus and the prophets; but they did not +invent for the use of the worldly, a Christianity revised and adapted +to their ideas. This is why the serious study--may I even add, the +reform--of Christianity is more likely to proceed from St. Sulpice +than from the teachings of M. Lacordaire or M. Gratry, and _a +fortiori_, from that of M. Dupanloup, in which all its doctrines are +toned down, contorted, and blunted; in which Christianity is never +represented as it was conceived by the Council of Trent or the Vatican +Council, but as a thing without frame or bone, and with all its +essence taken from it. The conversions which are made by preaching of +this kind do no good either to religion or to the mind. Conversions of +this kind do not make Christians, but they warp the mind and unfit men +for public business. There is nothing so mischievous as the vague; it +is even worse than what is false. "Truth," as Bacon has well observed, +"is derived from error rather than from confusion." + +Thus, amid the pretentious pathos which in our day has found its way +into the Christian Apologia, has been preserved a school of solid +doctrine, averse to all show and repugnant to success. Modesty has +ever been the special attribute of the Company of St. Sulpice; this is +why it has never attached any importance to literature, excluding it +almost entirely. The rule of the St. Sulpice Company is to publish +everything anonymously, and to write in the most unpretending +and retiring style possible. They see clearly the vanity, and the +drawbacks of talent, and they will have none of it. The word which +best characterises them is mediocrity, but then their mediocrity +is systematic and self-planned. Michelet has described the alliance +between the Jesuits and the Sulpicians as "a marriage between death +and vacuum." This is no doubt true, but Michelet failed to see that +in this case the vacuum is loved for its own sake. There is something +touching about a vacuum created by men who will not think for fear of +thinking ill. Literary error is in their eyes the most dangerous of +errors, and it is just on this account that they excel in the true +style of writing. St. Sulpice is now the only place where, as +formerly at Port-Royal, the style of writing possesses that absolute +forgetfulness of form which is the proof of sincerity. It never +occurred to the masters that among their pupils must be a writer or an +orator. The principle which they insisted upon the most earnestly was +never to make any reference to self, and if one had anything to say, +to say it plainly and in undertones. It was all very well for you, my +worthy masters, with that total ignorance of the world which does +you so much honour, to take this view; but if you knew how little +encouragement the world gives to modesty, you would see how difficult +it is for literature to act up to your principles. What would modesty +have done for M. de Chateaubriand? You were right to be severe upon +the stagey ways of a theology reduced so low as to bid for applause +by resorting to worldly tactics. But what does one ever hear of your +theology? It has only one defect, but that is a serious one; it is +dead. Your literary principles were like the rhetoric of Chrysippus, +of which Cicero said that it was excellent for teaching the way of +silence. Whoever speaks or writes for the public ear or eye must +inevitably be bent upon succeeding. The great thing is not to make +any sacrifice in order to attain that success, and this is what your +serious, upright and honest teaching inculcated to perfection. + +In this way St. Sulpice with its contempt for literature is perforce +a capital school for style, the fundamental rule of which is to +have solely in view the thought which it is wished to inculcate, and +therefore to have a thought in the mind. This was far more valuable +than the rhetoric of M. Dupanloup, and the teaching of the new +Catholic school. At St. Sulpice, the main substance of a matter +excluded all other considerations. Theology was of prime importance +there, and if the way in which the studies were shaped was somewhat +deficient in vigour, this was because the general tendency of +Catholicism, especially in France, is not in the direction of very +high and sustained efforts. St. Sulpice has, however, in our time +turned out a theologian like M. Carriere, whose vast labours are in +many respects remarkable for their depth; men of erudition like M. +Gosselin and M. Faillon, whose conscientious researches are of great +value, and philologists like M. Garnier, and especially M. Le Hir, the +only eminent masters in the field of ecclesiastical critique whom the +Catholic school in France has turned out. + +But it is not to results such as these that the teachers of St. +Sulpice attach the highest value. St. Sulpice is, above all, a school +of virtue. It is chiefly in respect to virtue that St. Sulpice is +a remnant of the past, a fossil two hundred years old. Many of my +opinions surprise the outside world, because they have not seen what +I have. At Sulpice I have seen, allied as I admit, with very narrow +views, the perfection of goodness, politeness, modesty, and sacrifice +of self. There is enough virtue in St. Sulpice to govern the +whole world, and this fact has made me very discriminating in my +appreciation of what I have seen elsewhere. I have never met but one +man in the present age who can bear comparison with the Sulpicians, +that is M. Damiron, and those who knew him, know what the Sulpicians +were. A future generation will never be able to realise what treasures +to be expended in improving the welfare of mankind, are stored up in +these ancient schools of silence, gravity and respect. + +Such was the establishment in which I spent four years at the most +critical period of my life. I was quite in my element there. While +the majority of my fellow-students, weakened by the somewhat insipid +classical teaching of M. Dupanloup, could not fairly settle down to +the divinity of the schools, I at once took a liking for its bitter +flavour; I became as fond of it as a monkey is of nuts. The grave +and kindly priests, with their strong convictions and good desires +reminded me of my early teachers in Lower Brittany. Saint-Nicholas du +Chardonnet and its superficial rhetoric I came to look upon as a mere +digression of very doubtful utility. I came to realities from words, +and I set seriously to study and analyse in its smallest details the +Christian Faith which I more than ever regarded as the centre of all +truth. + + +[Footnote 1: I am speaking of the years from 1842 to 1845. I believe +that it is the same still.] + + + + +THE ISSY SEMINARY. + +PART II. + + +As I have already explained, the two years of philosophy which serve +as an introduction to the study of theology are spent, not in Paris, +but at the country house of Issy, situated in the village of that name +outside Paris, just beyond the last houses of Vaugirard. The seminary +is a very long building at one end of a large park, and the only +remarkable feature about it is the central pavilion, which is so +delicate and elegant in style that it will at once take the eye of a +connoisseur. This pavilion was the suburban residence of Marguerite +de Valois, the first wife of Henri IV., between the year 1606 and her +death in 1615. This clever but not very strait-laced princess (upon +whom, however, we need not be harder than was he who had the best +right to be so) gathered around her the clever men of the day, and +the _Petit Olympe d'Issy,_ by Michel Bouteroue,[1] gives a good +description of this bright and witty court. The verses are as follows: + + Je veux d'un excellent ouvrage, + Dedans un portrait racourcy, + Representer le paisage + Du petit Olympe d'Issy, + Pourven que la grande princesse, + La perle et fleur de l'univers, + A qui cest ouvrage s'addresse, + Veuille favoriser mes vers. + + Que l'ancienne poesie + Ne vante plus en ses ecrits + Les lauriers du Daphne d'Asie + Et les beaux jardins de Cypris, + Les promenoirs et le bocage + Du Tempe frais et ombrage, + Qui parut lors qu'un marescage + En la mer se fut descharge. + + Qa'on ne vante plus la Touraine + Pour son air doux et gracieux, + Ny Chenonceaus, qui d'une reyne + Fut le jardin delicieux, + Ny le Tivoly magnifique + Ou, d'un artifice nouveau, + Se faict une douce musique + Des accords du vent et de l'eau. + + Issy, de beaute les surpasse + En beaux jardins et pres herbus, + Dignes d'estre au lieu de Parnasse + Le sejour des soeurs de Phebus. + Mainte belle source ondoyante, + Decoulant de cent lieux divers, + Maintient sa terre verdoyante + Et ses arbrisseaux toujours verds. + + * * * * * + + Un vivier est a l'advenuee + Pres la porte de ce verger, + Qui, par une sente cognuee, + En l'estang se va descharger; + Comme on voit les grandes rivieres + Se perdre au giron de la mer, + Ainsi ces sources fontenieres + En l'estang se vont renfermer. + + * * * * * + + Une autre mare plus petite, + Si l'on retourne vers le mont, + Par l'ombre de son boys invite + De passer sur un petit pont, + Pour aller au lieu de delices, + Au plus doux sejour du plaisir, + Des mignardises, des blandices, + Du doux repos et du loysir. + +After the death of Queen Marguerite, the house was sold and it +belonged in turn to several Parisian families which occupied it until +1655. Olier turned it to more pious uses than it had known before, +by inhabiting it during the last few years of his life. M. de +Bretonvilliers, his successor, gave it to the Company of St. Sulpice +as a branch for the Paris house. The little pavilion of Queen +Marguerite was not in any way changed, except that the paintings +on the walls were slightly modified. The Venuses were changed into +Virgins, and the Cupids into angels, while the emblematic paintings +with Spanish mottoes in the interstices were left untouched, as they +did not shock the proprieties. A very fine room, the walls of which +were covered with paintings of a secular character, was whitewashed +about half a century ago, but they would perhaps be found uninjured if +this was washed off. The park to which Bouteroue refers in his poem +is unchanged; except that several statues of holy persons have been +placed in it. An arbour with an inscription and two busts marks the +spot where Bossuet and Fenelon, M. Tronson and M. de Noailles had +long conferences upon the subject of Quietism, and agreed upon the +thirty-four articles of the spiritual life, styled the Issy Articles. + +Further on, at the end of an avenue of high trees, near the little +cemetery of the Company, is a reproduction of the inside of the Santa +Casa of Loretta, which is a favourite spot with the residents in the +seminary, and which is decorated with the emblematic paintings of +which they are so fond. I can still see the mystical rose, the tower +of ivory, and the gate of gold, before which I have passed many a long +morning in a state betwixt sleep and waking. _Hortus conclusus, fons +signatus_, very plainly represented by means of what may be +described as mural miniatures, excited my curiosity very much, but my +imagination was too chaste to carry my thoughts beyond the limits +of pious wonder. I am afraid that this beautiful park has been sadly +injured by the war and the Communist insurrection of 1870--71. It was +for me, after the cathedral of Treguier, the first cradle of thought. +I used to pass whole hours under the shade of its trees, seated on a +stone bench with a book in my hand. It was there that I acquired +not only a good deal of rheumatism, but a great liking for our damp +autumnal nature in the north of France. If, later in life, I have been +charmed by Mount Hermon, and the sunheated slopes of the Anti-Lebanon, +it is due to the polarisation which is the law of love and which leads +us to seek out our opposites. My first ideal is a cool Jansenist bower +of the seventeenth century, in October, with the keen impression of +the air and the searching odour of the dying leaves. I can never +see an old-fashioned French house in the Seine-et-Oise or the +Seine-et-Marne, with its trim fenced gardens, without calling up to +my mind the austere books which were in bygone days read beneath the +shade of their walks. Deep should be our pity for those who have never +been moved to these melancholy thoughts, and who have not realised how +many sighs have been heaved ere joy came into our heart. + +The mutual footing upon which masters and students at St. Sulpice +stand is a very tolerant one. There is not beyond doubt a single +establishment in the world where the student has more liberty. At St. +Sulpice in Paris, a student might pass his three years without having +any close communication with a single one of the superiors. It is +assumed that the _regime_ of the establishment will be self-acting. +The superiors lead just the same life as the students, and intervene +as little as possible. A student who is anxious to work has the +greatest of facilities for doing so. On the other hand, those who +are inclined to be idle have no compulsion to work put upon them; +and there are very many in this case. The examinations are very +insignificant in scope; there is not the least attempt at competition, +and if there was it would be discouraged, though when we remember that +the age of the students averages between eighteen and twenty, this is +carrying the doctrine of non-intervention too far. It is beyond +doubt very prejudicial to learning. But after all said and done, this +unqualified respect for liberty and the treating as grown-up men of +the lads who are already in spirit set apart for the priesthood, +are the only proper rules to follow in the delicate task of training +youths for what is in the eye of the Christian the most exalted of +callings. I am myself of opinion that the same rule might be applied +with advantage to the department of Public Instruction, and that the +Normal School more especially might in some particulars take example +by it. + +The superior at Issy, during my stay there, was M. Gosselin, one of +the most amiable and polite men I have ever known. He was a member of +one of those old bourgeois families which, without being affiliated +to the Jansenists, were not less deeply attached than the latter to +religion. His mother, to whom he bore a great likeness, was still +alive, and he was most devoted in his respectful regard for her. He +was very fond of recalling the first lessons in politeness which +she gave him somewhere about 1796. He had accustomed himself in his +childhood to adopt a usage which it was at that time dangerous to +repudiate, and to use the word citizen instead of monsieur. As soon as +mass began to be celebrated after the Revolution, his mother took him +with her to church. They were nearly the only persons in the church, +and his mother bade him go and offer to act as acolyte to the +priest. The boy went up timidly to the priest, and with a blush said, +"Citizen, will you allow me to serve mass for you?" "What are you +saying!" exclaimed his mother; "you should never use the word citizen +to a priest." His affability and kindness were beyond all praise. He +was very delicate, and only attained an advanced age by exercising the +strictest care over himself. His engaging features, wan and delicate, +his slender body, which did not half fill the folds of his cassock, +his exquisite cleanliness, the result of habits contracted in +childhood, his hollow temples, the outlines of which were so clearly +marked behind the loose silk skull-cap which he always wore, made up a +very taking picture. + +M. Gosselin was more remarkable for his erudition than his theology. +He was a safe critic within the limits of an orthodoxy which he never +thought of questioning, and he was placid to a degree. His _Histoire +Litteraire de Fenelon_ is a much esteemed work, and his treatise on +the power of the Pope over the sovereign in the Middle Ages[2] is +full of research. It was written at a time when the works of Voigt and +Hurter revealed to the Catholics the greatness of the Roman pontiffs +in the eleventh and twelfth centuries. This greatness was rather an +awkward obstacle for the Gallicans, as there could be no doubt that +the conduct of Gregory VII. and Innocent III. was not at all in +conformity with the maxims of 1682. M. Gosselin thought that by means +of a principle of public law, accepted in the Middle Ages, he had +solved all the difficulties which these imposing narratives place in +the way of theologians. M. Carriere was rather inclined to laugh at +his sanguine ideas, and compared his efforts to those of an old woman +who tries to thread her needle by holding it tight between the lamp +and her spectacles. At last the cotton passes so close to the eye of +the needle that she says "I have done it now!"--'Not so, though she +was scarcely a hairsbreadth off; but still she must begin again. + +At my own inclination, and the advice of Abbe Tresvaux, a pious and +learned Breton priest who was vicar-general to M. de Quelen, I chose +M. Gosselin for my tutor, and I have retained a most affectionate +recollection of him. No one could have shown more benevolence, +cordiality and respect for a young man's conscience. He left me in +possession of unrestricted liberty. Recognising the honesty of my +character, the purity of my morals and the uprightness of my mind, it +never occurred to him for a moment that I could be led to feel doubt +upon subjects about which he himself had none. The great number of +young ecclesiastics who had passed through his hands had somewhat +weakened his powers of diagnosis. He classed his students wholesale, +and I will, as I proceed, explain how one who was not my tutor read +far more clearly into my conscience than he did, or than I did myself. +Two of the other tutors, M. Gottofrey, one of the professors of +philosophy, and M. Pinault, professor of mathematics and natural +philosophy, were in every respect a contrast to M. Gosselin. The first +named, a young priest of about seven and twenty, was, I believe, only +half a Frenchman by descent. He had the bright rosy complexion of +a young Englishwoman, with large eyes which had a melancholy candid +look. He was the most extraordinary instance which can be conceived of +suicide through mystical orthodoxy. He would certainly have made, if +he had cared to do so, an accomplished man of the world, and I have +never known any one who would have been a greater favourite with +women. He had within him an infinite capacity for loving. He felt that +he had been highly gifted in this way; and then he set to work, in +a sort of blind fury, to annihilate himself. It seemed as if he +discerned Satan in those graces which God had so liberally bestowed +upon him. He boiled with inward anger at the sight of his own +comeliness; he was like a shell within which a puny evil genius +was ever busy in crushing the inner pearl. In the heroic ages of +Christianity, he would have sought out the keen agony of martyrdom, +but failing that he paid such constant court to death that she, whom +alone he loved, embraced him at last. He went out to Canada, and the +cholera which raged at Montreal gave him an excellent opportunity for +attaining his end. He nursed the sick with eager joy and died. + +I have always thought that there must have been a hidden romance +in the life of M. Gottofrey, and that he had undergone some +disappointment in love. He had perhaps expected too much from it, and +finding that it was not boundless, had broken it as he would an idol. +At all events he was not one of those who, knowing how to love have +not known how to die. At times I fancy that I can see him in heaven +amid the hosts of rosy-hued angels which Correggio loved to paint: at +others, I imagine that the woman whom he might have taught to love +him to distraction is scourging him through all eternity. Where he was +unjust was in making his reason, which was in nowise to blame, suffer +for the perturbation of his uneasy nature (or spirit). He practised +the studied absurdity of Tertullian and emulated the exaltation of +St. Paul. His lectures on philosophy were an absolute travesty, as his +contempt for philosophy was made apparent in every sentence; and +M. Gosselin, who set great value upon the divinity of the schools, +quietly endeavoured to counteract his teaching. But fanaticism does +not always prevent people from being clear-sighted. M. Gottofrey +noticed something peculiar about me, and he detected that which had +escaped the paternal optimism of M. Gosselin. He stirred my conscience +to its very depths, as I shall presently explain, and with an +unrelenting hand tore asunder all the bandages with which I had +disguised even from myself the wounds of a faith already severely +stricken. + +M. Pinault was very much like M. Littre in respect to his concentrated +passion and the originality of his ways. If M. Littre had received a +Catholic education, he would have gone to the extreme of mysticism; if +M. Pinault had not received a Catholic education he would have been +a revolutionist and positivist. Men of their stamp always go to +one extreme or another. The very physiognomy of M. Pinault arrested +attention. Eaten up by rheumatism, he seemed to embody in his person +all the ways in which a body may be contorted from its proper shape. +Ugly as he was, there was a marked expression of vigour about his +face; but in direct contrast to M. Gosselin, he was deplorably lacking +in cleanliness. While he was lecturing he would use his old cloak and +the sleeves of his cassock as if it were a duster to wipe up anything; +and his skull-cap, lined with cotton wool to protect him from +neuralgia, formed a very ugly border round his head. With all that he +was full of passion and eloquence, somewhat sarcastic at times, but +witty and incisive. He had little literary culture, but he often came +out with some unexpected sally. You could feel that his was a +powerful individuality which faith kept under due control, but which +ecclesiastical discipline had not crushed. He was a saint, but had +very little of the priest and nothing of the Sulpician about him. He +did violence to the prime rule of the Company, which is to renounce +anything approaching talent and originality, and to be pliant to the +discipline which enjoys a general mediocrity. + +M. Pinault had at first been professor of mathematics in the +university. In associating himself with studies which, in our +view, are incompatible with faith in the supernatural and fervent +catholicism, he did no more than M. Cauchy, who was at once a +mathematician of the first order and a more fervent believer than +many members of the Academy of Sciences who are noted for their piety. +Christianity is alleged to be a supernatural historical fact. The +historical sciences can be made to show--and to my mind, beyond the +possibility of contradiction--that it is not a supernatural fact, and +that there never has been such a thing as a supernatural fact. We do +not reject miracles upon the ground of _a priori_ reasoning, but upon +the ground of critical and historical reasoning, we have no difficulty +in proving that miracles do not happen in the nineteenth century, and +that the stones of miraculous events said to have taken place in our +day are based upon imposture and credulity. But the evidence in favour +of the so-called miracles of the last three centuries, or even of +those in the Middle Ages, is weaker still; and the same may be said +of those dating from a still earlier period, for the further back one +goes, the more difficult does it become to prove a supernatural fact. +In order thoroughly to understand this, you must have been accustomed +to textual criticism and the historical method, and this is just what +mathematics do not give. Even in our own day, we have seen an eminent +mathematician fall into blunders which the slightest knowledge of +historical science would have enabled him to avoid. M. Pinault's +religious belief was so keen that he was anxious to become a priest. +He was allowed to do very little in the way of theology, and he was +at first attached to the science courses which in the programme of +ecclesiastical studies are the necessary accompaniment of the two +years of philosophy. He would have been out of place at St. Sulpice +with his lack of theological knowledge and the ardent mysticism of his +imagination. But at Issy, where he associated with very young men who +had not studied the texts, he soon acquired considerable influence. He +was the leader of those who were full of ardent piety--the "mystics," +as they are now called. All of them treated him as their director, and +they formed, as it were, a school apart, from which the profane were +excluded, and which had its own important secrets. A very powerful +auxiliary of this party was the lay doorkeeper of the college, Pere +Hanique, as we called him. I always excite the wonder of the realists +when I tell them that I have seen with my own eyes, a type which, +owing to their scanty knowledge of human society, has never come +beneath their notice, viz., the sublime conception of a hall-porter +who has reached the most transcendent limits of speculation. Hanique +in his humble lodge was almost as great a man as M. Pinault. Those who +aimed at saintliness of life consulted him and looked up to him. His +simplicity of mind was contrasted with the savant's coldness of soul, +and he was adduced as an instance that the gifts of God are absolutely +free. All this created a deep division of feeling in the college. The +mystics worked themselves up to such a pitch of mental tension that +several of them died, but this only increased the frenzy of the +others. M. Gosselin had too much tact to offer them a direct +opposition, but for all that, there were two distinct parties in the +college, the mystics acting under the immediate guidance of M. Pinault +and Pere Hanique, while the "good fellows" (as we modestly entitled +ourselves) were guided by the simple, upright, and good Christian +counsels of M. Gosselin. This division of opinion was scarcely +noticeable among the masters. Nevertheless, M. Gosselin, disliking +anything in the way of singularities or novelties, often looked +askance at certain eccentricities. During recreation time he made a +point of conversing in a gay and almost worldly tone, in contrast +to the fine frenzy which M. Pinault always imported into his +observations. He did not like Pere Hanique and would not listen to +any praise of him, perhaps because he felt the impropriety of a +hall-porter being taken out of his place and set up as an authority +on theology. He condemned and prohibited the reading of several books +which were favourites with the mystical set, such as those of Marie +d'Agreda. There was something very singular about M. Pinault's +lectures, as he did not make any effort to conceal his contempt for +the sciences which he taught and for the human intelligence at large. +At times he would nearly go to sleep over his class, and altogether +gave his pupils anything but a stimulus to work; and yet with all that +he still had in him remnants of the scientific spirit which he had +failed to destroy. At times he had extraordinary flashes of genius, +and some of his lectures on natural history have been one of the bases +of my philosophical strain of thought. I am much indebted to him, but +the instinct for learning which is in me, and which will, I trust, +remain alive until the day of my death, would not admit of my +remaining long in his set. He liked me well enough, but made no effort +to attract me to him. His fiery spirit of apostleship could not brook +my easy-going ways, and my disinclination for research. Upon one +occasion he found me sitting in one of the walks, reading Clarke's +treatise upon the _Existence of God_. As usual, I was wrapped up in a +heavy coat. "Oh! the nice little fellow," he said, "how beautifully he +is wrapped up. Do not interfere with him. He will always be the same. +Fie will ever be studying, and when he should be attending to the +charge of souls he will be at it still. Well wrapped up in his cloak, +he will answer those who come to call him away: 'Leave me alone, can't +you?'" He saw that his remark had gone home. I was confused but not +converted, and as I made no reply, he pressed my hand and added, with +a slight touch of irony, "He will be a little Gosselin." + +M. Pinault, there can be no question, was far above M. Gosselin in +respect to his natural force and the hardihood with which he took +up certain views. Like another Diogenes, he saw how hollow and +conventional were a host of things which my worthy director regarded +as articles of faith. But he did not shake me for a moment. I have +never ceased to put faith in the intelligence of man. M. Gosselin, +by his confidence in scholasticism, confirmed me in my rationalism, +though not to so great an extent as M. Manier, one of the professors +of philosophy. He was a man of unswerving honesty, whose opinions were +in harmony with those of the moderate universitarian school, at that +time so decried by the clergy. He had a great liking for the Scottish +philosophers, and gave me Thomas Reid to study. He steadied my +thoughts very much, and by the aid of his authority and that of M. +Gosselin, I was enabled to put away the exaggerations of M. Pinault; +my conscience was at rest, and I even got to think that the contempt +for scholasticism and reason, so stoutly professed by the mystics, was +not devoid of heresy, and of the worst of all heresies in the eyes of +the Company of St. Sulpice, viz., the _Fideism_ of M. de Lamennais. + +Thus I gave myself over without scruple to my love for study, living +in complete solitude during' two whole years. I did not once come to +Paris, readily as leaves were granted. I never joined in any games, +passing the recreation hours on a seat in the grounds, and trying to +keep myself warm by wearing two or three overcoats. The heads of the +college, better advised than I was, told me how bad it was for a lad +of my age to take no exercise. I had scarcely done growing before I +began to stoop. But my passion for study was too strong for me, and +I gave way to it all the more readily because I believed it to be a +wholesome one. I was blind to all else, but how could I suppose that +the ardour for thought which I heard praised in Malebranche and so +many other saintly and illustrious men was blameworthy in me, and +was fated to bring about a result which I should have repudiated with +indignation if it had been foreshadowed to me. + +The character of the philosophy taught in the seminary was the Latin +divinity of the schools--not in the outlandish and childish form which +it assumed in the thirteenth century, but in the mitigated Cartesian +form which was generally adopted for ecclesiastical education in the +eighteenth century, and set out in the three volumes known by the name +of _Philosophic de Lyon_. This name was given to it because the book +formed part of a complete course of ecclesiastical study, drawn up a +hundred years ago by order of M. de Montazet, the Jansenist Archbishop +of Lyons. The theological part of the work, tainted with heresy, +is now forgotten; but the philosophical part, imbued with a very +commendable spirit of rationalism, remained, as recently as 1840, the +basis of philosophical teaching in the seminaries, much to the disgust +of the neo-Catholic school, which regarded the book as dangerous and +absurd. It cannot be denied, however, that the problems were cleverly +put, and the whole of these syllogistical dialectics formed an +excellent course of training. I owe my lucidity of mind, more +especially what skill I possess in dividing my subject (which is +an art of capital importance, one of the conditions of the art of +writing), to my divinity training, and in particular to geometry, +which is the truest application of the syllogistical method. M. Manier +mixed up with these ancient propositions the psychological analysis +of the Scotch school. He had imbibed through his intimacy with Thomas +Reid a great aversion to metaphysics, and an unlimited faith in common +sense. _Posuit in visceribus hominis sapientiam_ was his favourite +motto, and it did not occur to him that if man, in his quest after the +true and the good, has only to explore the recesses of his own heart, +the _Catechisme_ of M. Olier was a building without a foundation. +German philosophy was just beginning to be known, and what little I +had been able to pick up had a strangely fascinating effect upon me. +M. Manier impressed upon me that this philosophy shifted its ground +too much, and that it was necessary to wait until it had completed its +development before passing judgment upon it. "Scottish philosophy," he +said, "has a reassuring influence and makes for Christianity;" and +he depicted to me the worthy Thomas Reid in his double character of +philosopher and minister of the Gospel. Thus Reid was for some time my +ideal, and my aspiration was to lead the peaceful life of a laborious +priest, attached to his sacred office and dispensed from the ordinary +duties of his calling in order to follow out his studies. The +antagonism between philosophical pursuits of this kind and the +Christian faith had not as yet come in upon me with the irresistible +force and clearness which was soon to leave me no alternative between +the renunciation of Christianity and inconsistency of the most +unwarrantable kind. + +The modern philosophical works, especially those of MM. Cousin and +Jouffroy, were rarely seen in the seminary, though they were the +constant subject of conversation on account of the discussion which +they had excited among the clergy. This was the year of M. Jouffroy's +death, and the pathetic despairing pages of his philosophy captivated +us. I myself knew them by heart. We followed with deep interest the +discussion raised by the publication of his posthumous works. In +reality, we only knew Cousin, Jouffroy, and Pierre Leroux by those +who had opposed them. The old-fashioned divinity of the schools is +so upright that no demonstration of a proposition is complete unless +followed by the formula, _Solvuntur objecta_. Herein are ingenuously +set forth the objections against the proposition which it is sought to +establish; and these objections are then solved, often in a way which +does not in the least diminish the force of the heterodox ideas which +are supposed to have been controverted. In this way the whole body of +modern ideas reached us beneath the cover of feeble refutations. We +gained, moreover, a great deal of information from each other. One of +our number, who had studied philosophy in the university, would recite +passages from M. Cousin to us; a second, who had studied history, +would familiarise us with Augustin Thierry; while a third came to us +from the school of Montalembert and Lacordaire. His lively imagination +made him a great favourite with us, but the _Philosophie de Lyon_ was +more than he could endure, and he left us. + +M. Cousin fascinated us, but Pierre Leroux, with his tone of profound +conviction and his thorough appreciation of the great problems +awaiting solution, exercised a still more potent influence, and we did +not see the shortcomings of his studies and the sophistry of his mind. +My customary course of reading was Pascal, Malebranche, Euler, Locke, +Leibnitz, Descartes, Reid, and Dugald Stewart. In the way of religious +books, my preferences were for Bossuet's Sermons and the _Elevations +sur les Mysttres_. I was very familiar, too, with Francois de Sales, +both by continually hearing extracts from his works read in the +seminary, and especially through the charming work which Pierre le +Camus has written about him. With regard to the more mystical works, +such as St. Theresa, Marie d'Agreda, Ignatius de Loyola, and M. Olier, +I never read them. M. Gosselin, as I have said, dissuaded me from +doing so. The _Lives of the Saints_, written in an overwrought strain, +were also very distasteful to him, and Fenelon was his rule and his +limit. Many of the early saints excited his strongest prejudices +because of their disregard of cleanliness, their scant education, and +their lack of common sense. + +My keen predilection for philosophy did not blind me as to the +inevitable nature of its results. I soon lost all confidence in the +abstract metaphysics which are put forward as being a science apart +from all others, and as being capable of solving alone the highest +problems of humanity. Positive science then appeared to me to be the +only source of truth. In after years I felt quite irritated at the +idea of Auguste Comte being dignified with the title of a great man +for having expressed in bad French what all scientific minds had +seen for the last two hundred years as clearly as he had done. The +scientific spirit was the fundamental principle in my disposition. +M. Pinault would have been the master for me if he had not in some +strange way striven to disguise and distort the best traits in his +talent. I understood him better than he would have wished, and, +in spite of himself. I had received a rather advanced education +in mathematics from my first teachers in Brittany. Mathematics and +physical induction have always been my strong point, the only stones +in the edifice which have never shifted their ground and which are +always serviceable. M. Pinault taught me enough of general natural +history and physiology to give me an insight into the laws +of existence. I realised the insufficiency of what is called +spiritualism; the Cartesian proofs of the existence of a soul distinct +from the body always struck me as being very inadequate, and thus I +became an idealist and not a spiritualist in the ordinary acceptation +of the term. An endless _fieri_, a ceaseless metamorphosis seemed to +me to be the law of the world. Nature presented herself to me as +a whole in which creation of itself has no place, and in which +therefore, everything undergoes transformation.[3] It will be asked +how it was that this fairly clear conception of a positive philosophy +did not eradicate my belief in scholasticism and Christianity. It was +because I was young and inconsistent, and because I had not acquired +the critical faculty. I was held back by the example of so many mighty +minds which had read so deeply in the book of nature, and yet had +remained Christians. I was more specially influenced by Malebranche, +who continued to recite his prayers throughout the whole of his +life, while holding, with regard to the general dispensation of the +universe, ideas differing but very little from those which I had +arrived at. The _Entretiens sur la Metaphysique_ and the _Meditations +chretiennes_ were ever in my thoughts. + +The fondness for erudition is innate in me, and M. Gosselin did much +to develop it. He had the kindness to choose me as his reader. At +seven o'clock every morning I went to read to him in his bedroom, +and he was in the habit of pacing up and down, sometimes stopping, +sometimes quickening his pace and interrupting me with some sensible +or caustic remark. In this way I read to him the long stories of +Father Maimbourg, a writer who is now forgotten, but who in his time +was appreciated by Voltaire, various publications by M. Benjamin +Guerard, whose learning was much appreciated by him, and a few works +by M. de Maistre, notably his _Lettre sur l'Inquisition espagnole_. +He did not much like this last-named treatise, and he would constantly +rub his hands and say, "How plain it is that M. de Maistre is no +theologian." All he cared for was theology, and he had a profound +contempt for literature. He rarely failed to stigmatise as futile +nonsense the highly-esteemed studies of the Nicolaites. For M. +Dupanloup, whose principal dogma was that there is no salvation +without a good literary education, he had little sympathy, and he +generally avoided mention of his name. + +For myself, believing as I do that the best way to mould young men of +talent is never to speak to them about talent or style, but to +educate them and to stimulate their mental curiosity upon questions +of philosophy, religion, politics, science, and history--or, in other +words, to go to the substance of things instead of adopting a hollow +rhetorical teaching, I was quite satisfied at this new direction given +to my studies. I forgot the very existence of such a thing as modern +literature. The rumour that contemporary writers existed occasionally +reached us, but we were so accustomed to suppose that there had not +been any of talent since the death of Louis XIV., that we had an _a +priori_ contempt for all contemporary productions. _Le Teleinaque_ was +the only specimen of light literature which ever came into my hands, +and that was in an edition which did not contain the Eucharis episode, +so that it was not until later that I became acquainted with the few +delightful pages which record it. My only glimpse of antiquity was +through _Teleinaque_ and _Aristonoues_, and I am very glad that such +is the case. It was thus that I learnt the art of depicting nature by +moral touches. Up to the year 1865 I had never formed any other idea +of the island of Chios except that embodied in the phrase of Fenelon: +"The island of Chios, happy as the country of Homer." + +These words, so full of harmony and rhythm,[4] seemed to present +a perfect picture of the place, and though Homer was not born +there--nor, perhaps, anywhere--they gave me a better idea of the +beautiful (and now so hapless) isle of Greece than I could have +derived from a whole mass of material description. + +I must not omit to mention another book, which together with +_Telemaque_, I for a long time regarded as the highest expression +of literature. M. Gosselin one day called me aside, and after much +beating about the bush, told me that he had thought of letting me read +a book which some people might regard as dangerous, and which, as a +matter of fact, might be in certain cases on account of the vivacity +with which the author expresses passion. He had, however, decided +that I might be trusted with this book, which was called the _Comte +de Valmont_. Many people will no doubt wonder what could have been +the book which my worthy director thought could only be read after +a special preparation as regards judgment and maturity. _Le Comte de +Valmont; ou, Les Egarements de la Raison,_ is a novel by Abbe Gerard, +in which, under the cover of a very innocent plot, the author refutes +the doctrines of the eighteenth century, and inculcates the principles +of an enlightened religion. Sainte-Beuve, who knew the _Comte de +Valmont_, as he knew everything, was consumed with laughter when I +told him this story. But for all that the _Comtede Valmont_ was a +rather dangerous book. The Christianity set forth in it is no more +than Deism, the religion of _Telemaque_, a sort of sentiment in the +abstract, without being any particular kind of religion.[5] Thus +everything tended to lull me into a state of fancied security. +I thought that by copying the politeness of M. Gosselin and the +moderation of M. Manier I was a Christian. + +I cannot honestly say, moreover, that my faith in Christianity was +in reality diminished. My faith has been destroyed by historical +criticism, not by scholasticism nor by philosophy. The history of +philosophy and the sort of scepticism by which I had been caught +rather maintained me within the limits of Christianity than drove me +beyond them. I often repeated to myself the lines which I had read in +Brucker:-- + + "Percurri, fateor, sectas attentius omnes, + Plurima qusesivi, per singula quaque cucurri, + Nee quidquam invent melius quam credere Christo." + +A certain amount of modesty kept me back. The capital question as to +the truth of the Christian dogmas and of the Bible never forced itself +upon me. I admitted the revelation in a general sense, like Leibnitz +and Malebranche. There can be no doubt that my _fieri_ philosophy +was the height of heterodoxy, but I did not stop to reason out the +consequences. However, all said and done, my masters were satisfied +with me. M. Pinault rarely interfered with me. More of a mystic than +a fanatic, he concerned himself but little with those who did not come +immediately in his way. The finishing stroke was given by M. Gottofrey +with a degree of boldness and precision which I did not thoroughly +appreciate until afterwards. In the twinkling of an eye, this truly +gifted man tore away the veils which the prudent M. Gosselin and +the honest M. Manier had adjusted around my conscience in order to +tranquillise it, and to lull it to sleep. + +M. Gottofrey rarely spoke to me, but he followed me with the utmost +curiosity. My arguments in Latin, delivered with much firmness and +emphasis, caused him surprise and uneasiness. Sometimes, I was too +much in the right; at others I pointed out the weak points in the +reasons given me as valid. Upon one occasion, when my objections +had been urged with force, and when some of the listeners could not +repress a smile at the weakness of the replies, he broke off the +discussion. In the evening he called me on one side, and described +to me with much warmth how unchristian it was to place all faith in +reasoning, and how injurious an effect rationalism had upon faith. He +displayed a remarkable amount of animation, and reproached me with +my fondness for study. What was to be gained, he said, by further +research. Everything that was essential to be known had already been +discovered. It was not by knowledge that men's souls were saved. And +gradually working himself up, he exclaimed in passionate accents--" +You are not a Christian!" + +I never felt such terror as that which this phrase, pronounced in +a very resonant tone, evoked within me. In leaving M. Gottofrey's +presence the words "You are not a Christian" sounded all night in my +ear like a clap of thunder. The next day I confided my troubles to M. +Gosselin, who kindly reassured me, and who could not or would not +see anything wrong. He made no effort, even, to conceal from me +how surprised and annoyed he was at this ill-timed attempt upon a +conscience for which he, more than any one else, was responsible. I am +sure that he looked upon the hasty action of M. Gottofrey as a piece +of impudence, the only result of which would be to disturb a dawning +vocation. M. Gosselin, like many directors, was of opinion that +religious doubts are of no gravity among young men when they are +disregarded, and that they disappear when the future career has +been finally entered upon. He enjoined me not to think of what had +occurred, and I even found him more kindly than ever before. He did +not in the least understand the nature of my mind, or in any degree +foresee its future logical evolutions. M. Gottofrey alone had a clear +perception of things. He was right a dozen times over, as I can now +very plainly see. It needed the transcendent lucidity of this martyr +and ascetic to discover that which had quite escaped those who +directed my conscience with so much uprightness and goodness. + +I talked too with M. Manier, who strongly advised me not to let my +faith in Christianity be affected by objections of detail. With regard +to the question of entering holy orders, he was always very reserved. +He never said anything which was calculated either to induce me +or dissuade me. This was in his eyes more or less of a secondary +consideration. The essential point, as he thought, was the possession +of the true Christian spirit, inseparable from real philosophy. In his +eyes there was no difference between a priest, or professor of Scotch +philosophy, in the university. He often dwelt upon the honourable +nature of such a career, and more than once he spoke to me of the +Ecole Normale. I did not speak of this overture to M. Gosselin, for +assuredly the very idea of leaving the seminary for the Ecole Normale, +would have seemed to him perdition. + +It was decided, therefore, that after my two years of philosophy +I should pass into the seminary of St. Sulpice to get through my +theological course. The flash which shot through the mind of M. +Gottofrey had no immediate consequence. But now at an interval of +eight and thirty years, I can see how clear a perception of the +reality he had. He alone possessed foresight, and I much regret now +that I did not follow his impulse. I should have quitted the seminary +without having studied Hebrew or theology. Physiology and the natural +sciences would have absorbed me, and I do not hesitate to express my +belief--so great was the ardour which these vital sciences excited in +me--that if I had cultivated them continuously I should have arrived +at several of the results achieved by Darwin, and partially foreseen +by myself. Instead of that I went to St. Sulpice and learnt German +and Hebrew, the consequence being that the whole course of my life +was different. I was led to the study of the historical +sciences--conjectural in their nature--which are no sooner made than +they are unmade, and which will be put on one side in a hundred years +time. For the day is not we may be sure, very far distant when man +will cease to attach much interest to his past. I am very much afraid +that our minute contributions to the Academie des Inscriptions +et Belles-Lettres, which are intended to assist to an accurate +comprehension of history, will crumble to dust before they have been +read. It is by chemistry at one end and by astronomy at the other, and +especially by general physiology, that we really grasp the secret of +existence of the world or of God, whichever it may be called. The one +thing which I regret is having selected for my study researches of a +nature which will never force themselves upon the world, or be more +than interesting dissertations upon a reality which has vanished +for ever. But as regards the exercise--and pleasure of thought is +concerned--I certainly chose the better part, for at St. Sulpice I was +brought face to face with the Bible, and the sources of Christianity, +and in the following chapter I will endeavour to describe how eagerly +I immersed myself in this study, and how, through a series of critical +deductions, which forced themselves upon my mind, the bases of +my existence, as I had hitherto understood it, were completely +overturned. + + +[Footnote 1: Paris, 1609-1612.] + +[Footnote 2: First Edition, 1839; second and much enlarged edition, +1845.] + +[Footnote 3: An essay which describes my philosophical ideas at this +epoch, entitled the "Origine du Langage," first published in the +_Liberte de penser_ (September and December, 1848), faithfully +portrays, as I then conceived it, the spectacle of living nature as +the result and evidence of a very ancient historical development.] + +[Footnote 4: In the French the phrase is, "L'ile de Chio, fortunee +patrie d'Homere."] + +[Footnote 5: I went a short time ago to the National Library to +refresh my memory about the _Comte de Valmont_. Having my attention +called away, I asked M. Soury to look through the book for me, as +I was anxious to have his impression of it. He replied to me in the +following terms: + +"I have been a long time in telling you what I think of the _Comte +de Valmont._ The fact is that it was only by an heroic effort that I +managed to finish it. Not but what this work is honestly conceived and +fairly well written. But the effect of reading through these thousands +of pages is so profoundly wearisome that one is scarcely in a position +to do justice to the work of Abbe Gerard. One cannot help being vexed +with him for being so unnecessarily tedious. + +"As so often happens, the best part of this book are the notes, that +is to say, a mass of extracts and selections taken from the famous +writers of the last two centuries, notably from Rousseau. All the +'proofs' and apologetic arguments ruin the work unfortunately, the +eloquence and dialectics of Rousseau, Diderot, Helvetius, Holbach, and +even Voltaire, differing very much from those of Abbe Gerard. It is +the same with the libertines' reasons refuted by the father of the +Comte de Valmont. It must be a very dangerous thing to bring forward +mischievous doctrines with so much force. They have a savour which +renders the best things insipid, and it is with these good doctrines +that the six or seven volumes of the _Comte de Valmont_ are filled. +Abbe Gerard did not wish his work to be called a novel, and as a +matter of fact there is neither drama nor action in the interminable +letters of the Marquis, the Count and Emilie. + +"Count de Valmont is one of those sceptics who are often met with in +the world. A man of weak mind, pretentious and foppish, incapable of +thinking and reflecting for himself, ignorant into the bargain, and +without any kind of knowledge upon any subject, he meets his hapless +father with all sorts of difficulties against morality, religion and +Christianity in particular, just as if he had a right to an opinion on +matters the study of which requires so much enlightenment and takes up +so much timed. The best thing the poor fellow can do is to reform +his ways, and he does not fail to neglect doing this at nearly every +volume. + +"The seventh volume of the edition which I have before me is entitled, +_La Theorie du Bonheur; ou, L' Art de se rendre Heureux mis a la +Portee de tous les Hommes, faisant Suite ait 'Comte de Valmont_,' +Paris Bossange, 1801, eleventh edition. This is a different book, +whatever the publisher may say, and I confess that this secret of +happiness, brought within the reach of everybody, did not create a +very favourable impression upon me."] + + + + +THE ST. SULPICE SEMINARY. + +PART I. + + +The house built by M. Olier in 1645 was not the large quadrangular +barrack-like building which now occupies one side of the square of St. +Sulpice. The old seminary of the seventeenth and eighteenth century +covered the whole area of what is now the square, and quite concealed +Servandoni's facade. The site of the present seminary was formerly +occupied by the gardens and by the college of bursars nicknamed +the Robertins. The original building disappeared at the time of the +Revolution. The chapel, the ceiling of which was regarded as Lebrun's +masterpiece, has been destroyed, and all that remains of the old house +is a picture by Lebrun representing the Pentecost in a style which +would excite the wonder of the author of the Acts of the Apostles. The +Virgin is the centre figure, and is receiving the whole of the pouring +out of the Holy Ghost, which from her spreads to the apostles. Saved +at the Revolution, and afterwards in the gallery of Cardinal Fesch, +this picture was bought back by the corporation of St. Sulpice, and is +now in the seminary chapel. + +With the exception of the walls and the furniture, all is old at +St. Sulpice, and it is easy to believe that one is living in +the seventeenth century. Time and its ravages have effaced many +differences. St. Sulpice now embodies in itself many things which were +once far removed from one another, and those who wish to get the best +idea attainable in the present day, of what Port-Royal, the original +Sorbonne, and the institutions of the ancient French clergy generally +were like, must enter its portals. When I joined the St. Sulpice +seminary in 1843, there were still a few directors who had seen M. +Emery, but there were only two, if I remember right, whose memories +carried them back to a date earlier than the Revolution. M. Hugon had +acted as acolyte at the consecration of M. de Talleyrand in the chapel +of Issy in 1788. It seems that the attitude of the Abbe de Perigord +during the ceremony was very indecorous. M. Hugon related that he +accused himself, when at confession the following Saturday, "of +having formed hasty judgments as to the piety of a holy bishop." The +superior-general, M. Garnier, was more than eighty, and he was in +every respect an ecclesiastic of the old school. He had gone through +his studies at the Robertins College and afterwards at the Sorbonne, +from which he gave one the idea of just emerging, and when one heard +him talk of "Monsieur Bossuet" and "Monsieur Fenelon",[1] it seemed as +if one was face to face with an actual pupil of those great men. +There is nothing in common except the name and the dress between these +ecclesiastics that of the old _regime_ and those of the present day. +Compared to the young and exuberant members of the Issy school, M. +Garnier had the appearance almost of a layman, with a complete absence +of all external demonstrations and his staid and reasonable piety. In +the evening, some of the younger students went to keep him company in +his room for an hour. The conversation never took a mystical turn. +M. Garnier narrated his recollections, spoke of M. Emery, and +foreshadowed with melancholy, his approaching end. The contrast +between his quietude and the ardour of Penault and M. Gottofrey +was very striking. These aged priests were so honest, sensible and +upright, observing their rules, and defending their dogmas, just as +a faithful soldier holds the post which has been committed to his +keeping. The higher questions were altogether beyond them. The love of +order and devotion to duty were the guiding principles of their lives. +M. Garnier was a learned Orientalist, and better versed than any +living Frenchman in the Biblical exegesis as taught by the Catholics a +century ago. The modesty which characterised St. Sulpice deterred him +from publishing any of his works, and the outcome of his studies was +an immense manuscript representing a complete course of Holy Writ, in +accordance with the relatively moderate views which prevailed among +the Catholics and Protestants at the close of the eighteenth century. +It was very analogous in spirit to that of Rosenmueller, Hug and Jahn. +When I joined St. Sulpice, M. Garnier was too old to teach, and our +professors used, to read us extracts from his copy-books. They were +full of erudition, and testified to a very thorough knowledge of +language. Now and then we came upon some artless observation which +made us smile, such, for instance, as the way in which he got over +the difficulties relating to Sarah's adventure in Egypt. Sarah, as we +know, was close upon seventy when Pharaoh conceived so great a passion +for her, and M. Garnier got over this by observing that this was not +the only instance of the kind, and that "Mademoiselle de Lenclos" was +the cause of duels being fought, when over seventy. M. Garnier had +not made himself acquainted with the latest labours of the new German +school, and he remained in happy ignorance of the inroads which the +criticism of the nineteenth century had made upon the ancient system. +His best title to fame is that he moulded in M. Le Hir, a pupil who, +inheriting his own vast knowledge, added to it familiarity with modern +discoveries, and who, with a sincerity which proved the depth of his +faith, did not in the least conceal the depth to which the knife had +gone. + +Overborne by the weight of years, and absorbed by the cares which the +general direction of the Company entailed, M. Garnier left the entire +superintendence of the Paris house to M. Carbon, the director. +M. Carbon was the embodiment of kindness, joviality and +straightforwardness. He was no theologian, and was so far from being a +man of superior mind, that at first one would be tempted to look upon +him as a very simple, not to say common, person. But as one came to +know him better, one was surprised to discover beneath this humble +exterior, one of the rarest things in the world, viz., unalloyed +cordiality, motherly condescension, and a charming openness of manner. +I have never met with any one so entirely free from personal vanity. +He was the first to laugh at himself, at his half intentional +blunders, and at the laughable situations into which his artlessness +would often land him. Like all the older directors, he had to say +the orison in his turn. He never gave it five minutes previous +consideration, and he sometimes got into such a comical state of +confusion with his improvised address, that we had to bite our tongues +to keep from laughing. He saw how amused we were, and it struck him +as being perfectly natural. It was he who, during the course of Holy +Writ, had to read M. Garnier's manuscript. He used to flounder about +purposely, in order to make us laugh, in the parts which had fallen +out of date. The most singular thing was that he was not very mystic. +I asked one of my fellow students what he thought was M. Carbon's +motive-idea in life, and his reply was, "the abstract of duty." +M. Carbon took a fancy to me from the first, and he saw that the +fundamental feature in my disposition was cheerfulness, and a +ready acquiescence in my lot. "I see that we shall get on very well +together," he said to me with a pleasant smile; and as a matter +of fact M. Carbon is one of those for whom I have felt the deepest +affection. Seeing that I was studious, full of application, and +conscientious in my work, he said to me after a very short time--"You +should be thinking of your society, that is your proper place." He +treated me almost as a colleague, so complete was his confidence in +me. + +The other directors, who had to teach the various branches of +theology, were without exception the worthy continuators of a +respectable tradition. But as regards doctrine itself, the breach was +made. Ultramontanism and the love of the irrational had forced their +way into the citadel of moderate theology. The old school knew how +to rave soberly, and followed the rules of common sense even in the +absurd. This school only admitted the irrational and the miraculous up +to the limit strictly required by Holy Writ and the authority of the +Church. The new school revels in the miraculous, and seems to take +its pleasure in narrowing the ground upon which apologetics can be +defended. Upon the other hand, it would be unfair not to say that the +new school is in some respects more open and consistent, and that it +has derived, especially through its relations with Germany, elements +for discussion which have no place in the ancient treatises _De Loci's +Theologicis_. St. Sulpice has had but one representative in this +path so thickly sown with unexpected incidents and--it may perhaps +be added--with dangers; but he is unquestionably the most remarkable +member of the French clergy in the present day. I am speaking of M. Le +Hir, whom I knew very intimately, as will presently be seen. In order +to understand what follows, the reader must be very deeply versed in +the workings of the human mind, and above all in matters of faith. + +M. Le Hir was in an equally eminent degree a savant and a saint. This +co-habitation in the same person, of two entities which are rarely +found together, took place in him without any kind of fraction, for +the saintly side of his character had the absolute mastery. There was +not one of the objections of rationalism which escaped his attention. +He did not make the slightest concession to any of them, for he never +felt the shadow of a doubt as to the truth of orthodoxy. This was due +rather to an act of the supreme will than to a result imposed upon +him. Holding entirely aloof from natural philosophy and the scientific +spirit, the first condition of which is to have no prior faith and to +reject that which does not come spontaneously, he remained in a state +of equilibrium which would have been fatal to convictions less urgent +than his. The supernatural did not excite any natural repugnance in +him. His scales were very nicely adjusted, but in one of them was a +weight of unknown quantity--an unshaken faith. Whatever might have +been placed in the other, would have seemed light; all the objections +in the world would not have moved it a hairsbreadth. + +M. Le Hir's superiority was in a great measure due to his profound +knowledge of the German exegeses. Whatever he found in them compatible +with Catholic orthodoxy, he appropriated. In matters of critique, +incompatibilities were continually occurring, but in grammar, upon the +other hand, there was no difficulty in finding common ground. There +was no one like M. Le Hir in this respect. He had thoroughly mastered +the doctrine of Gesenius and Ewald, and criticised many points in +it with great learning. He interested himself in the Phoenician +inscriptions, and propounded a very ingenious theory which has since +been confirmed. His theology was borrowed almost entirely from the +German Catholic School, which was at once more advanced, and less +reasonable, than our ancient French scholasticism. M. Le Hir reminds +one in many respects of Dollinger, especially in regard to his +learning and his general scope of view; but his docility would have +preserved him from the dangers in which the Vatican Council involved +most of the learned members of the clergy. He died prematurely in 1870 +upon the eve of the Council which he was just about to attend as a +theologian. I was intending to ask my colleagues in the Academie des +Inscriptions et Belles Lettres to make him an unattached member of our +body. I have no doubt that he would have rendered considerable service +to the Committee of Semitic Inscriptions. + +M. Le Hir possessed, in addition to his immense learning, the talent +of writing with much force and accuracy. He might have been very witty +if he had been so minded. His undeviating mysticism resembled that of +M. Gottofrey; but he had much more rectitude of judgment. His aspect +was very singular, for he was like a child in figure, and very weakly +in appearance, but with that, eyes and a forehead indicating the +highest intelligence. In short, the only faculty lacking, was one +which would have caused him to abjure Catholicism, viz. the critical +one. Or I should rather say that he had the critical faculty very +highly developed in every point not touching religious belief; but +that possessed in his view such a co-efficient of certainty, that +nothing could counterbalance it. His piety was in truth, like the +mother o'pearl shells of Francois de Sales, "which live in the sea +without tasting a drop of salt water." The knowledge of error which +he possessed was entirely speculative: a water-tight compartment +prevented the least infiltration of modern ideas into the secret +sanctuary of his heart, within which burnt, by the side of the +petroleum, the small unquenchable light of a tender and sovereign +piety. As my mind was not provided with these water-tight +compartments, the encounter of these conflicting elements, which in +M. Le Hir produced profound inward peace, led in my case to strange +explosions. + + +[Footnote 1: I should like to make one observation in this connection. +People of the present day have got into the habit of putting +_Monseigneur_ before a proper name, and of saying _Monseigneur +Dupanloup_ or Monseigneur Affre. This is bad French; the word +"Monseigneur" should only be used in the vocative case or before an +official title. In speaking to M. Dupanloup or M. Affre, it would +be correct to say _Monseigneur_. In speaking of them, _Monsieur +Dupanloup, Monsieur Affre; Monsieur, or Monseigneur l'Evqeue +d'Orleans,_ Monsieur or Monseigneur l'Archeveque de Paris.] + + + + +THE ST. SULPICE SEMINARY. + +PART II. + + +St. Sulpice, in short, when I went through it forty years ago, +provided, despite its shortcomings, a fairly high education. My +ardour for study had plenty to feed upon. Two unknown worlds unfolded +themselves before me: theology, the rational exposition of the +Christian dogma, and the Bible, supposed to be the depository and +the source of this dogma. I plunged deeply into work. I was even more +solitary than at Issy, for I did not know a soul in Paris. For two +years I never went into any street except the Rue de Vaugirard, +through which once a week we walked to Issy. I very rarely indulged +in any conversation. The professors were always very kind to me. My +gentle disposition and studious habits, my silence and modesty, gained +me their favour, and I believe that several of them remarked to one +another, as M. Carbon had to me, "He will make an excellent colleague +for us." + +Upon the 29th of March, 1844, I wrote to one of my friends in +Brittany, who was then at the St. Brieuc seminary: + +"I very much like being here. The tone of the place is excellent, +being equally free from rusticity, coarse egotism and affectation. +There is little intimacy or geniality, but the conversation is +dignified and elevated, with scarcely a trace of commonplace or +gossip. It would be idle to look for anything like cordiality between +the directors and the students, for this is a plant which grows only +in Brittany. But the directors have a certain fund of tolerance and +kindness in their composition which harmonises very well with the +moral condition of the young men upon their joining the seminary. +Their control is exercised almost imperceptibly, for the seminary +seems to conduct itself, instead of being conducted by them. The +regulations, the usages, and the spirit of the place are the sole +agents; the directors are mere passive overseers. St. Sulpice is +a machine which has been well constructed for the last two hundred +years: it goes of itself, and all that the driver has to do is to +watch the movements, and from time to time to screw up a nut and oil +the joints. It is not like Saint-Nicholas, for instance, where the +machine was never allowed to go by itself. The driver was always +tinkering at it, running first to the right and then to the left, +peering in here and altering a wheel there, not knowing or remembering +that the best mounted machine is the one which requires the least +attention from the man who sets it in motion. The great advantage +which I enjoy here is the remarkable facility afforded me for work +which has become a prime necessity to me, and which, considering +my internal condition, is also a duty. The lectures on morals +are excellent, but I cannot say as much of those on dogma, as the +professor is a novice. This, coupled with the great importance of the +_Traites de la Religion et de l'Eglise,_ especially in my case, would +be a very serious drawback, but for my having found substitutes for +him among the other professors." As a matter of fact, I had a special +liking for the ecclesiastical sciences. A text once implanted in my +memory was never forgotten; my head was in the state of a _Sic et Non_ +of Abelard. Theology is like a Gothic cathedral, having in common with +its grandeur its vast empty spaces and its lack of solidity. Neither +to the Fathers of the Church nor to the Christian writers during the +first half of the Middle Ages did it occur to draw up a systematic +exposition of the Christian dogmas which would dispense with reading +the Bible all through. The _Summa_ of St. Thomas Aquinas, a summary of +the earlier scholasticism, is like a vast bookcase with compartments, +which, if Catholicism is to endure, will be of service to all time, +the decisions of councils and of Popes in the future having, so to +speak, their place marked out for them beforehand. There can be no +question of progress in such an order of exposition. In the sixteenth +century, the Council of Trent settled a number of points which had +hitherto been the subject of controversy; but each of these anathemas +had already its place allotted to it in the wide purview of St. +Thomas, Melchior Canus, and Suares remodelled the _Summa_ without +adding anything essential to it. In the seventeenth and eighteenth +centuries the Sorbonne composed for use in the schools handy treatises +which are for the most part revised and reduced copies of the _Summa_. +At each page one can detect the same texts cut out and separated from +the comments which explain them; the same syllogisms, triumphant, +but devoid of any solid foundation; the same defects of historical +criticism, arising from the confusion of dates and places. + +Theology may be divided into dogmatics and ethics. Dogmatic theology, +in addition to the Prolegomena comprising the discussions relating +to the sources of divine authority, is divided into fifteen treatises +upon all the dogmas of Christianity. At the basis is the treatise +_De la vraie Religion_, which seeks to demonstrate the supernatural +character of the Christian religion, that is to say of Revealed Writ +and of the Church. Then all the dogmas are proved by Holy Writ, by the +Councils, by the Fathers, and by the theologians. It cannot be denied +that there is a very frank rationalism at the root of all this. If +scholasticism is the descendant in the first generation of St. Thomas +Aquinas, it is descended in the second from Abelard. In such a system +reason holds the first place, reason proves the revelation, the +divinity of Scripture and the authority of the Church. This done, the +door is open to every kind of deduction. The only instance in which +St. Sulpice has been moved to anger since the extinction of Jansenism +was when M. de Lamennais declared that the starting-point should be +faith, and not reason. And what is to be the test in the last resort +of the claims of faith if not reason! + +Moral theology consists of a dozen treatises comprising the whole body +of philosophical ethics and of law, completed by the revelation and +decisions of the Church. All this forms a sort of encyclopaedia very +closely connected. It is an edifice, the stones of which are attached +to one another by iron clamps, but the base is extremely weak. This +base is the treatise _De la vraie Religion_, which treatise does not +hold together. For not only does it fail to show that the Christian +religion is more especially divine and revealed than the others, but +it does not even prove that in the field of reality which comes within +the reach of our observation there has occurred a single supernatural +fact or miracle. M. Littre's inexorable phrase, "Despite all the +researches which have been made, no miracle has ever taken place where +it could be observed and put upon record" is a stumbling-block which +cannot be moved out of the path. It is impossible to prove that a +miracle occurred in the past, and we shall doubtless have a long time +to wait before one takes place under such conditions as could alone +give a right-minded person the assurance that he was not mistaken. + +Admitting the fundamental thesis of the treatise _De la vraie +Religion_, the field of argument is narrowed, but the argument is a +long way from being at an end. The question has to be discussed with +the Protestants and dissenters, who, while admitting the revealed +texts to be true, decline to see in them the dogmas which the Catholic +Church has in the course of time taken upon herself. The controversy +here branches off into endless points, and the advocates of +Catholicism are continually being worsted. The Catholic Church has +taken upon herself to prove that her dogmas have always existed just +as she teaches them, that Jesus instituted confession, extreme unction +and marriage, and that he taught what was afterwards decided upon +by the Nicene and Trent Councils. Nothing can be more erroneous. The +Christian dogma has been formed, like everything else, slowly and +piecemeal, by a sort of inward vegetation. Theology, by asserting the +contrary, raises up a mass of objections, and places itself in the +predicament of having to reject all criticism. I would advise any one +who wishes to realise this to read in a theological work the treatise +on Sacraments, and he will see by what a series of unsupported +suppositions, worthy of the Apocrypha, of Marie d'Agreda or Catherine +Emmerich, the conclusion is reached that all the sacraments were +established by Jesus Christ during his life. The discussion as to the +matter and form of the sacraments is open to the same objections. The +obstinacy with which matter and form are detected everywhere dates +from the introduction of the Aristotelian tenets into theology in the +thirteenth century. Those who rejected this retrospective application +of the philosophy of Aristotle to the liturgical creations of Jesus +incurred ecclesiastical censure. + +The intention of the "about to be" in history as in nature became +henceforth the essence of my philosophy. My doubts did not arise from +one train of reasoning but from ten thousand. Orthodoxy has an answer +to everything and will never avow itself worsted. No doubt, it is +admitted in criticism itself that a subtle answer may, in certain +cases, be a valid one. The real truth does not always look like the +truth. One subtle answer may be true, or even at a stretch, two. +But for three to be true is more difficult, and as to four bearing +examination that is almost impossible. But if a thesis can only be +upheld by admitting that ten, a hundred, or even a thousand subtle +answers are true at one and the same time, a clear proof is afforded +that this thesis is false. The calculation of probabilities applied +to all these shortcomings of detail is overwhelming in its effect +upon unprejudiced minds, and Descartes had taught me that the prime +condition for discovering the truth is to be free from all prejudice. + + + + +THE ST. SULPICE SEMINARY. + +PART III. + + +The theological struggle defined itself more particularly in my case +upon the ground of the so-called revealed texts. Catholic teaching, +with full confidence as to the issue, accepted battle upon this ground +as upon others with the most complete good faith. The Hebrew tongue +was in this case the main instrument, for one of the two Christian +Bibles is in Hebrew, while even as regards the New Testament there can +be no proper exegesis without Hebrew. + +The study of Hebrew was not compulsory in the seminary, and it was +not followed by many of the students. In 1843-44, M. Garnier still +lectured in his room upon the more difficult texts to two or three +students. M. Le Hir had for several years taken the lectures on +grammar. I joined the course at once, and the well-defined philology +of M. Le Hir was full of charm for me. He was very kind to me, and +being a Breton like myself, there was much similarity of disposition +between us. At the expiration of a few weeks I was almost his only +pupil. His way of expounding the Hebrew grammar, with comparison of +other Semitic idioms, was most excellent. I possessed at this period a +marvellous power of assimilation. I absorbed everything which he told +me. His books were at my disposal and he had a very extensive library. +Upon the days when we walked to Issy he went with me to the heights +of La Solitude, and there he taught me Syriac. We talked together over +the Syriac New Testament of Guthier. M. Le Hir determined my career. I +was by instinct a philologist, and I found in him the man best fitted +to develop this aptitude. Whatever claim to the title of savant I may +possess I owe to M. Le Hir. I often think, even, that whatever I have +not learnt from him has been imperfectly acquired. Thus he did not +know much of Arabic, and this is why I have always been a poor Arabic +scholar. + +A circumstance due to the kindness of my teachers confirmed me in my +calling of a philologist and, unknown to them, unclosed for me a +door which I had not dared open for myself. In 1844, M. Gamier was +compelled by old age to give up his lectures on Hebrew. M. Le Hir +succeeded him, and knowing how thoroughly I had assimilated his +doctrine he determined to let me take the grammar course. This +pleasant information was conveyed to me by M. Carbon with his usual +good nature, and he added that the Company would give me three hundred +francs by way of salary. The sum seemed to me such an enormous one +that I told M. Carbon I could not accept it. He insisted, however, on +my taking a hundred and fifty francs for the purchase of books. + +A much higher favour was that by which I was allowed to attend M. +Etienne Quatremere's lectures at the College de France twice a +week. M. Quatremere did not bestow much preparatory labour upon his +lectures; in the matter of Biblical exegesis he had voluntarily kept +apart from the scientific movement. He much more nearly resembled M. +Garnier than M. Le Hir. Just another such a Jansenist as Silvestre de +Sacy, he shared the demi-rationalism of Hug and Jahn--minimising the +proportion of the supernatural as far as possible, especially in the +cases of what he called "miracles difficult to carry out," such as the +miracle of Joshua, but still retaining the principle, at all events +in respect to the miracles of the New Testament. This superficial +eclecticism did not much take my fancy. M. Le Hir was much nearer +the truth in not attempting to attenuate the matter recounted, and in +closely studying, after the manner of Ewald, the recital itself. As a +comparative grammarian, M. Quatremere was also very inferior to M. Le +Hir. But his erudition in regard to orientalism was enormous. A new +world opened before me, and I saw that what apparently could only be +of interest to priests might be of interest to laymen as well. The +idea often occurred to me from that time that I should one day teach +from the same table, in the small classroom to which I have as a +matter of fact succeeded in forcing my way. + +This obligation to classify and systematize my ideas in view of +lessons to be given to fellow-pupils of the same age as myself decided +my vocation. My scheme of teaching was from that moment determined +upon; and whatever I have since accomplished in the way of philology +has its origin in the humble lecture which through the kindness of +my masters was intrusted to me. The necessity for extending as far as +possible my studies in exegesis and Semitic philology compelled me to +learn German. I had no elementary knowledge of it, for at St. Nicholas +my education had been wholly Latin and French. I do not complain of +this. A man need only have a literary knowledge of two languages, +Latin and his own; but he should understand all those which may be +useful to him for business or instruction. An obliging fellow pupil +from Alsace, M. Kl----, whose name I often see mentioned as rendering +services to his compatriots in Paris, kindly helped me at the outset. +Literature was to my mind such a secondary matter, amidst the ardent +investigation which absorbed me, that I did not at first pay much +attention to it. Nevertheless, I felt a new genius, very different +from that of the seventeenth century. I admired it all the more +because I did not see any limit to it. The spirit peculiar to Germany +at the close of the last century, and in the first half of the present +one, had a very striking effect upon me; I felt as if entering a place +of worship. This was just what I was in search of, the conciliation +of a truly religious spirit with the spirit of criticism. There were +times when I was sorry that I was not a Protestant, so that I might +be a philosopher without ceasing to be a Christian. Then, again, I +recognised the fact that the Catholics alone are consistent. A single +error proves that a Church is not infallible; one weak part proves +that a book is not a revealed one. Outside rigid orthodoxy, there was +nothing, so far as I could see, except free thought after the manner +of the French school of the eighteenth century. My familiarity with +the German studies placed me in a very false position; for upon the +one hand it proved to me the impossibility of an exegesis which did +not make any concessions, while upon the other hand I quite saw that +the masters of St. Sulpice were quite right in refusing to make these +concessions, inasmuch as a single confession of error ruins the +whole edifice of absolute truth, and reduces it to the level of human +authorities in which each person makes his selections according to his +individual fancy. + +For in a divine book everything must be true, and as two +contradictories cannot both be true, it must not contain any +contradiction. But the careful study of the Bible which I had +undertaken, while revealing to me many historical and esthetic +treasures, proved to me also that it was not more exempt than any +other ancient book from contradictions, inadvertencies, and errors. +It contains fables, legends, and other traces of purely human +composition. It is no longer possible for any one to assert that the +second part of the book of Isaiah was written by Isaiah. The book of +Daniel, which, according to all orthodox tenets, relates to the period +of the captivity, is an apocryphal work composed in the year 169 +or 170 B.C. The book of Judith is an historical impossibility. The +attribution of the Pentateuch to Moses does not bear investigation, +and to deny that several parts of Genesis are mystical in their +meaning is equivalent to admitting as actual realities descriptions +such as that of the Garden of Eden, the apple, and Noah's Ark. He +is not a true Catholic who departs in the smallest iota from the +traditional theses. What becomes of the miracle which Bossuet so +admired: "Cyrus referred to two hundred years before his birth"? What +becomes of the seventy weeks of years, the basis of the calculations +of universal history, if that part of Isaiah in which Cyrus is +referred to was composed during the lifetime of that warrior, and if +the pseudo-Daniel is a contemporary of Antiochus Epiphanes? + +Orthodoxy calls upon us to believe that the biblical books are the +work of those to whom their titles assign them. The mildest Catholic +doctrine as to inspiration will not allow one to admit that there is +any marked error in the sacred text, or any contradiction in matters +which do not relate either to faith or morality. Well, let us allow +that out of the thousand disputes between critique and orthodox +apologetics as to the details of the so-called sacred text there are +some in which by accident and contrary to appearances the latter +are in the right. It is impossible that it can be right in all the +thousand cases and it has only to be wrong once for all the theory +as to its inspiration to be reduced to nothing. This theory of +inspiration, implying a supernatural fact, becomes impossible to +uphold in the presence of the decided ideas of our modern common +sense. An inspired book is a miracle. It should present itself to +us under conditions totally different from any other book. It may be +said: "You are not so exacting in respect to Herodotus and the poems +of Homer." This is quite true, but then Herodotus and the Homeric +poems do not profess to be inspired books. + +With regard to contradictions, for instance, no one whose mind is +free from theological preoccupations can do other than admit the +irreconcilable divergences between the synoptists and the author +of the Fourth Gospel, and between the synoptists Compared with one +another. For us rationalists this is not of much importance; but the +orthodox reasoner, compelled to be of opinion that his book is right +in every particular, finds himself involved in endless subtleties. +Silvestre de Sacy was very much perplexed by the quotations from the +Old Testament which are met with in the New. He found it so difficult, +with his predilection for accuracy in quotations, to reconcile them +that he eventually admitted as a principle that the two Testaments are +both infallible of themselves, but that the New Testament is not so +when it quotes the Old. Only those who have no sort of experience in +the ways of religion will feel any surprise that men of such great +powers of application should have clung to such untenable positions. +In these shipwrecks of a faith upon which you have centred your life, +you cling to the most unlikely means of salvage rather than allow all +you cherish to go to the bottom. + +Men of the world who believe that people are brought to a decision in +the choice of their opinions by reasons of sympathy or antipathy will +no doubt be surprised at the train of reasoning which alienated me +from the Christian faith, to which I had so many motives, both of +interest and inclination, for remaining attached. Those who have not +the scientific spirit can scarcely understand that one's opinions are +formed outside of one by a sort of impersonal concretion of which one +is, so to speak, the spectator. In thus letting my course be shaped by +the force of events, I believed myself to be conforming to the rules +of the seventeenth century school, especially to those of Malebranche, +whose first principle is that reason should be contemplated, that man +has no part in its procreation, and that his sole duty is to stand +before the truth, free from all personal bias, ready to let himself be +led whither the balance of demonstration wills it. So far from having +at the outset certain results in view, these illustrious thinkers +urged in the interests of the truth the obliteration of anything like +a wish, a tendency, or a personal attachment. The great reproach of +the preachers of the seventeenth century against the libertines was +that they had embraced their desires and had adopted irreligious +opinions because they wished them to be true. + +In this great struggle between my reason and my beliefs I was careful +to avoid a single reasoning from abstract philosophy. The method of +natural and physical sciences which at Issy had imposed itself upon me +as an absolute law led me to distrust all system. I was never stopped +by any objection with regard to the dogmas of the Trinity and the +Incarnation regarded in themselves. These dogmas, occurring in the +metaphysical ether did not shock any opposite opinion in me. Nothing +that was open to criticism in the policy and tendency of the Church, +either in the past or the present, made the slightest impression upon +me. If I could have believed that theology and the Bible were true, +none of the doctrines which were afterwards embodied in the _Syllabus_ +and which were thereupon more or less promulgated, would have given me +any trouble. My reasons were entirely of a philological and critical +order; not in the least of a metaphysical, political, or moral kind. +These orders of ideas seemed scarcely tangible or capable of being +applied in any sense. But the question as to whether there are +contradictions between the Fourth Gospel and the synoptics is +one which there can be no difficulty in grasping. I can see these +contradictions with such absolute clearness that I would stake my +life, and, consequently, my eternal salvation, upon their reality +without a moment's hesitation. In a question of this kind there can +be none of those subterfuges which involve all moral and political +opinions in so much doubt. I do not admire either Philip II. or Pius +V., but if I had no material reasons for disbelieving the Catholic +creed, the atrocities of the former and the faggots of the latter +would not be obstacles to my faith. + +Many eminent minds have on various occasions hinted to me that I +should never have broken away from Catholicism if I had not formed so +narrow a view of it; or if, to put it in another way, my teachers +had not given me this narrow view of it. Some people hold St. +Sulpice partially responsible for my incredulity, and reproach that +establishment upon the one hand with having inspired me with too +complete a trust in a scholasticism which implied an exaggerated +rationalism, and, upon the other, with having required me to admit as +necessary to salvation the _suimmum_ of orthodoxy, thus inordinately +increasing the amount of sustenance to be swallowed, while they +narrowed in undue proportions the orifice through which it was +to pass. This is very unfair. The directors of St. Sulpice, in +representing Christianity in this light, and by being so open as to +the measure of belief required, were simply acting like honest men. +They were not the persons who would have added the gratifying _est de +fide_ after a number of untenable propositions. One of the worst +kinds of intellectual dishonesty is to play upon words, to represent +Christianity as imposing scarcely any sacrifice upon reason, and in +this way to inveigle people into it without letting them know to what +they have committed themselves. This is where Catholic laymen, who dub +themselves liberals, are under such a delusion. Ignorant of theology +and exegesis, they treat accession to Christianity as if it were a +mere adhesion to a coterie. They pick and choose, admitting one dogma +and rejecting another, and then they are very indignant if any one +tells them that they are not true Catholics. No one who has studied +theology can be guilty of such inconsistency, as in his eyes +everything rests upon the infallible authority of the Scripture and +the Church; he has no choice to make. To abandon a single dogma or +reject a single tenet in the teaching of the Church, is equivalent to +the negation of the Church and of Revelation. In a church founded +upon divine authority, it is as much an act of heresy to deny a single +point as to deny the whole. If a single stone is pulled out of the +building, the whole edifice must come to the ground. + +Nor is there any good to be gained by saying that the Church will +perhaps some day make concessions which will avert the necessity of +ruptures, such as that which I felt forced upon me, and that it will +then be seen that I have renounced the kingdom of God for a trumpery +cause. I am perfectly well aware how far the Church can go in the way +of concession, and I know what are the points upon which it is useless +to ask her for any. The Catholic Church will never abandon a jot or +tittle of her scholastic and orthodox system; she can no more do so +than the Comte de Chambord can cease to be legitimist. I have no doubt +that there will be schisms, more, perhaps, than ever before, but +the true Catholic will be inflexible in the declaration: "If I +must abandon my past, I shall abandon the whole; for I believe in +everything upon the principle of infallibility, and this principle +is as much affected by one small concession as by ten thousand large +ones." For the Catholic Church to admit that Daniel was an apocryphal +person of the time of the Maccabaei, would be to admit that she +had made a mistake; if she was mistaken in that, she may have been +mistaken in others, and she is no longer divinely inspired. + +I do not, therefore, in any way regret having been brought into +contact, for my religious education, with sincere teachers, who would +have scrupulously avoided letting me labour under any illusion as to +what a Catholic is required to admit. The Catholicism which was taught +me is not the insipid compromise, suitable only for laymen, which has +led to so many misunderstandings in the present day. My Catholicism +was that of Scripture, of the councils, and of the theologians. +This Catholicism I loved, and I still respect it; having found it +inadmissible, I separated myself from it. This is a straightforward +course, but what is not straightforward is to pretend ignorance of +the engagement contracted, and to become the apologist of things +concerning which one is ignorant. I have never lent myself to +a falsehood of this description, and I have looked upon it as +disrespectful to the faith to practise deceit with it. It is no fault +of mine if my masters taught me logic, and by their uncompromising +arguments made my mind as trenchant as a blade of steel. I took +what was taught me--scholasticism, syllogistic rules, theology, and +Hebrew--in earnest; I was an apt student; I am not to be numbered with +the lost for that. + + + + +THE ST. SULPICE SEMINARY. + +PART IV. + + +Such were these two years of inward labour, which I cannot compare to +anything better than a violent attack of encephalitis, during which +all my other functions of life were suspended. With a certain amount +of Hebraic pedantry, I called this crisis in my life Naphtali,[1] +and I often repeated to myself the Hebrew saying: "_Napktoule elohim +niphtali_ (I have fought the fight of God)." My inward feelings were +not changed, but each day a stitch in the tissue of my faith was +broken; the immense amount of work which I had in hand prevented +me from drawing the conclusion. My Hebrew lecture absorbed my whole +thoughts; I was like a man holding his breath. My director, to whom +I confided my difficulties, replied in just the same terms as M. +Gosselin at Issy: "Inroads upon your faith! Pay no heed to that; keep +straight on your way." One day he got me to read the letter which St. +Francois de Sales wrote to Madame de Chantal: "These temptations are +but afflictions like unto others. I may tell you that I have known but +few persons who have achieved any progress without going through this +ordeal; patience is the only remedy. You must not make any reply, nor +appear to hear what the enemy says. Let him make as much noise at the +door as he likes without so much as exclaiming, 'Who is there?'" + +The general practice of ecclesiastical directors is, in fact, to +advise those who confess to feeling doubts concerning the faith not +to dwell upon them. Instead of postponing the engagements on +this account, they rather hurry them forward, thinking that these +difficulties will disappear when it is too late to give practical +effect to them, and that the cares of an active clerical career will +ultimately dispel these speculative-doubts. In this regard, I must +confess that I found my godly directors rather deficient in wisdom. My +director in Paris, a very enlightened man withal, was anxious that I +should be at once ordained a sub-deacon, the first of the holy orders +which constitutes an irrevocable tie. I refused point-blank. So far +as regarded the first steps of the ecclesiastical state, I had obeyed +him. It was he himself who pointed out to me that, the exact form of +the engagement which they imply is contained in the words of the Psalm +which are repeated: "The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and +of my cup; thou maintainest my lot." Well, I can honestly declare +that I have never been untrue to that engagement. I have never had any +other interest than that of the truth, and I have made many sacrifices +for it. An elevated idea has always sustained me in the conduct of +my life, so much so that I am ready to forego the inheritance which, +according to our reciprocal arrangement, God ought to restore to me: +"_The lines are fallen to me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly +inheritance_" + +My friend in the seminary of St. Brieuc[2] had decided, after much +hesitation, to take holy orders. I have found the letter which I +wrote to him on the 26th of March, 1844, at a time when my doubts with +regard to religion were not disturbing my peace of mind so much as +they had done. + +"I was pleased but not surprised to hear that you had taken the final +step. The uneasiness by which you were beset must always make itself +felt in the mind of one who realizes the serious import of assuming +the order of priesthood. The trial is a painful but an honourable one, +and I should not think much of one who reached the priestly calling +without having experienced it.... I have told you how a power +independent of my will shook within me the beliefs which have hitherto +been the main foundations of my life and of my happiness. These +temptations are cruel indeed, and I should be full of pity for any one +who was ever tortured by them. How wanting in tact towards those who +have suffered these temptations are the persons who have never been +assailed by them. It is no wonder that such should be the case, for +one must have had experience of a thing thoroughly to understand it, +and the subject is such a delicate one, that I question whether there +are any two human beings more incapable of understanding one another +than a believer and a doubter, however complete may be their good +faith and even their intelligence. They speak two unintelligible +languages, unless the grace of God intervenes as an interpreter. I +have felt how completely maladies of this kind are beyond all human +remedy, and that God has reserved the treatment of them to himself, +_inanu mitissima et suavissima pertractans vulnera mea_, to quote St. +Augustin, who evidently speaks from experience. At times the _Angelus +Satanae qui me colaphizet_ wakes up. Such, my dear friend, is our +fate, and we must abide by it. _Converte te sufra, converte te infra_, +life, especially for the clergy, is a battle, and perhaps in the long +run, these storms are better for man than a dead calm, which would +send him to sleep.... I can hardly bring myself to fancy that within +a twelvemonth you will be a priest, you who were my schoolfellow and +friend as a boy. And now we are halfway through life, according to the +ordinary mode of reckoning, and the second half will probably not +be the pleasanter of the two. This surely should make us look upon +passing ills as of no account, and endure with patience the troubles +of a few days, at which we shall smile in a few years' time, and not +think of in eternity. Vanity of vanities!" + +A year later the malady, which I thought was only a fleeting one, had +spread to my whole conscience. Upon the 22nd of March, 1845, I wrote a +letter to my friend which he could not read, as he was on his deathbed +when it reached him. + +"My position in the seminary has not varied much since our last +conversation. I am allowed to attend all the lectures on Syriac of +M. Quatremere, at the College de France, and I find them extremely +interesting. They are useful to me in many ways; in the first place +by enabling me to learn much that is useful and attractive, and by +distracting my mind from certain subjects.... I should be quite happy +if it were not that the painful thoughts of which you are aware were +ever afflicting my mind at an increasingly rapid rate. I have quite +made up my mind not to accept the grade of sub-deacon at the next +ordination. This will not excite any notice, as owing to my age, I +should be compelled to allow a certain interval to elapse between my +different orders. Nor, for the matter of that, is there any reason why +I should care for what people think. I must accustom myself to brave +public opinion, so as to be ready for any sacrifice. I suffer much at +times. This Holy Week, for instance, has been particularly painful +for me, for every incident which bears me away from my ordinary life, +revives all my anxious doubts. I console myself by thinking of Jesus, +so beautiful, so pure, so ideal in His suffering--Jesus whom I hope +to love always. Even if I should ever abandon Him, that would give Him +pleasure, for it would be a sacrifice made to my conscience, and God +knows that it would be a costly one! I think that you, at all events, +would understand how costly it would be. How little freedom of choice +man has in the ordering of his destiny. When no more than a child who +acts from impulse and the sense of imitation, one is called upon +to stake one's whole existence; a higher power entangles you in +indissoluble toils; this power pursues its work in silence, and before +you have begun to know your own self, you are tied and bound, you know +not how. When you reach a certain age, you wake up and would like +to move. But it is impossible; your hands and arms are caught +in inextricable folds. It is God Himself who holds you fast, and +remorseless opinion is looking on, ready to laugh if you signify that +you are tired of the toys which amused you as a child. It would be +nothing if there was only public opinion to brave. But the pity is +that all the softest ties of your life are woven into the web that +entangles you, and you must pluck out one-half of your heart if you +would escape from it. Many a time I have wished that man was born +either completely free, or deprived of all freedom. He would not be so +much to be pitied if he was born like the plant family, fixed to the +soil which is to give it nourishment. With the dole of liberty allowed +to him, he is strong enough to resist, but not strong enough to act; +he has just what is required to make him unhappy. 'My God, My God, why +hast Thou forsaken Me?' How is all this to be reconciled with the +sway of a father? There are mysteries in all this, and happy is he who +fathoms them only in speculation. + +"It is only because you are so true a friend that I tell you all this. +I have no need to ask you to keep it to yourself. You will understand +that I must be very circumspect with regard to my mother. I would +rather die than cause her a moment's pain. O God! shall I have the +strength of mind to give my duty the preference over her? I commend +her to you; she is very pleased with your attentiveness to her. This +is the most real kindness you can do me." + + +[Footnote 1: _Lucta mea_, Genesis xxx. 8.] + +[Footnote 2: His name was Francois Liart. He was a very upright and +high minded young man. He died at Treguier at the end of March, 1845. +His family sent me after his death all my letters to him, and I have +them still.] + + + + +THE ST. SULPICE SEMINARY. + +PART V. + + +I thus reached the vacation of 1845, which I spent, as I had +the preceding ones, in Brittany. There I had much more time for +reflection. The grains of sand of my doubts accumulated into a solid +mass. My director, who, with the best intentions in the world, gave +me bad advice, was no longer within my reach. I ceased to take part +in the sacraments of the Church, though I still retained my former +fondness for its prayers. Christianity appeared to me greater than +ever before, but I could only cling to the supernatural by an effort +of habit--by a sort of fiction with myself. The task of logic was +done; that of honesty was about to begin. For nearly two months I +was Protestant; I could not make up my mind to abandon altogether the +great religious tradition which had hitherto been part of my life; +I mused upon future reforms, when the philosophy of Christianity, +disencumbered of all superstitious dross and yet preserving its moral +efficacity (that was my great dream), would be left the great school +of humanity and its guide to the future. My readings in German gave +nurture to these ideas. Herder was the German writer with whom I was +most familiar. His vast views delighted me, and I said to myself, with +keen regret, if I could but think all that like a Herder and remain a +priest, a Christian preacher. But with my notions at once precise +and respectful of Catholicism, I could not succeed in conceiving +any honourable way of remaining a Catholic priest while retaining my +opinions. I was Christian after the fashion of a professor of theology +at Halle or Tuebingen. An inward voice told me: "Thou art no longer +Catholic; thy robe is a lie; cast it off." + +I was a Christian, however; for all the papers of that date which I +have preserved give clear expression to the feeling which I have since +endeavoured to portray in the _Vie de Jesus_, I mean a keen regard +for the evangelic ideal and for the character of the Founder of +Christianity. The idea that in abandoning the Church I should remain +faithful to Jesus got hold upon me, and if I could have brought myself +to believe in apparitions I should certainly have seen Jesus saying +to me: "Abandon Me to become My disciple." This thought sustained and +emboldened me. I may say that from that moment my _Vie de Jesus_ was +mentally written. Belief in the eminent personality of Jesus--which is +the spirit of that book--had been my mainstay in my struggle against +theology. Jesus has in reality ever been my master. In following out +the truth at the cost of any sacrifice I was convinced that I was +following Him and obeying the most imperative of His precepts. + +I was at this time so far removed from my old Brittany masters +in respect to disposition, intellectual culture and study that +conversation between us had become almost impossible. One of them +suspected something, and said to me: "I have always thought that you +were being overdone in the way of study." A habit which I had acquired +of reciting the psalms in Hebrew from a small manuscript of my own +which I used as a breviary, surprised them very much. They were half +inclined to ask me if I was a Jew. My mother guessed all that was +taking place without quite understanding it. I continued, as in my +childhood, to take long walks into the country with her. One day, we +sat down in the valley of Guindy, near the Chapelle des Cinq Plaies, +by the side of the spring. For hours I read by her side, without +raising my eyes from the book, which was a very harmless one--M. de +Bonald's _Recherches Philosophiques._ Nevertheless the book displeased +her, and she snatched it away from me, feeling that books of the same +description, if not this particular one, were what she had to dread. + +Upon the 6th of September, 1845, I wrote to M. ----, my director, the +following letter, a copy of which I have found among my papers, +and which I reproduce without in any way attenuating its somewhat +inconsistent and feverish tone:-- + +"SIR,--Having had to make two or three journeys at the beginning of +the vacation, I have been unable to correspond with you as early as I +could have wished. I was none the less urgently in need of unbosoming +myself to you with regard to pangs which increase in intensity each +day, and which I feel all the keener because there is no one here to +whom I can confide them. What ought to make for my happiness causes +me the deepest sorrow. An imperious sense of duty compels me to +concentrate my thoughts upon myself, in order to spare pain to those +who surround me with their affection, and who would moreover be quite +incapable of understanding my perplexity. Their kindness and soothing +words cut me to the quick. Oh, if they only knew what was going on +in the recesses of my heart! Since my stay here I have acquired some +important data towards the solution of the great problem which is +preoccupying my mind. Several circumstances have, to begin with, made +me realise the greatness of the sacrifice which God required of me, +and into what an abyss the course which my conscience prescribes must +plunge me. It is useless to describe them to you in detail, as, after +all, considerations of this kind can be of no weight in the resolution +which has to be taken. To have abandoned a path which I had selected +from my childhood, and which led without danger to the pure and noble +aims which I had set before myself, in order to tread another along +which I could discern nothing but uncertainty and disappointment; to +have disregarded the opinion which will have only blame in store +for what is really an honest act on my part, would have been a small +thing, if I had not at the same time been compelled to tear out part +of my heart, or, to speak more accurately, to pierce another to which +my own was so deeply attached. Filial love had grown in proportion as +so many other affections were crushed out. Well, it is in this part +of my being that duty exacts from me the most painful sacrifice. My +leaving the seminary will be an inexplicable enigma to my mother; she +will believe that I have killed her out of sheer caprice. + +"Truly may I say that when I envisage the inextricable mesh in which +God has ensnared me while my reason and freedom were asleep, while I +was following with docile steps the path He had Himself traced out for +me, distracting thoughts crowd themselves upon me. God knows that I +was simple-minded and pure; I took nothing upon myself; I walked with +free and unflagging steps in the path which He disclosed before me, +and behold this path has led me to the brink of a precipice! God has +betrayed me! I never doubted but that a wise and merciful Providence +governed the universe and governed me in the course which I was to +take. It is not, however, without considerable effort that I have been +able to apply so formal a contradiction to apparent facts. I often say +to myself that vulgar common sense is little capable of appreciating +the providential government whether of humanity, of the universe, or +of the individual. The isolated consideration of facts would scarcely +tend to optimism. It requires a strong dose of optimism to credit God +with this generosity in spite of experience. I hope that I shall never +feel any hesitation upon this point, and that whatever may be the ills +which Providence yet has in store for me I shall ever believe that it +is guiding me to the highest possible good through the least possible +evil. + +"According to what I hear from Germany, the situation which was +offered me there is still open;[1] only I cannot enter upon it before +the spring. This makes my journey thither very doubtful, and throws me +back into fresh perplexities. I am also advised to go through a year +of free study in Paris, during which time I should be able to reflect +upon my future career, and also take my university degrees. I am very +much inclined to adopt this last-named course, for though I have made +up my mind to come back to the seminary and confer with you and the +superiors, I should nevertheless be very reluctant to make a long +stay there in my present condition of mind. It is with the utmost +apprehension that I mark the near approach of the time when my inward +irresolution must find expression in a most decided course of action. +Hard it is to have thus to reascend the stream down which one has for +so long been gently floated! If only I could be sure of the future, +and of being one day able to secure for my ideas their due place, and +follow up at my ease and free from all external preoccupations the +work of my intellectual and moral improvement! But even could I +be sure of myself, how could I be of the circumstances which force +themselves so pitilessly upon us? In truth, I am driven to regret the +paltry store of liberty which God has given us; we have enough to +make us struggle; not enough to master destiny, just enough to insure +suffering. + +"Happy are the children who only sleep and dream, and who never have a +thought of entering upon this struggle with God Himself! I see around me +men of pure and simple mind, whom Christianity suffices to render +virtuous and happy. God grant that they may never develop the miserable +faculty of criticism which so imperiously demands satisfaction, and +which, when once satisfied, leaves such little happiness in the soul! +Would to God that it were in my power to suppress it. I would not +hesitate at amputation if it were lawful and possible. Christianity +satisfies all my faculties except one, which is the most exacting of +them all, because it is by right judge over all the others. Would it not +be a contradiction in terms to impose conviction upon the faculty which +creates conviction? I am well aware that the orthodox will tell me that +it is my own fault if I have fallen into this condition. I will not +argue the point; no man knows whether he is worthy of love or hatred. I +am quite willing, therefore, to say that it is my fault, provided those +who love me promise to pity me and continue me their friendship. + +"A result which now seems beyond all doubt is that I shall not revert +to orthodoxy by continuing to follow the same line,--I mean that of +rational and critical self-examination. Up till now, I hoped that +after having travelled over the circle of doubt I should come back +to the starting-point. I have quite lost this hope, and a return +to Catholicism no longer seems possible to me, except by a receding +movement, by stopping short in the path which I have entered, by +stigmatising reason, by declaring it for once and all null and void, +and by condemning it to respectful silence. Each step in my career of +criticism takes me further away from the starting-point. Have I, then, +lost all hope of coming back to Catholicism? That would be too bitter +a thought. No, sir, I have no hopes of reverting to it by rational +progress; but I have often been on the point of repudiating for once +and all the guide whom at times I mistrust. What would then be the +motive of my life? I cannot tell; but activity will ever find scope. +You may be sure that I must have been sorely forced to have dwelt for +one instant upon a thought which seems more cruel to me than death. +And yet, if my conscience represented it to me as lawful, I should +eagerly avail myself of it, if only out of common decency. + +"I hope at all events that those who know me will admit that +interested motives have not estranged me from Christianity. Have not +all my material interests tempted me to find it true? The temporal +considerations against which I have had to struggle would have +sufficed to persuade many others; my heart has need of Christianity; +the Gospel will ever be my moral law; the church has given me my +education, and I love her. Could I but continue to style myself her +son! I pass from her in spite of myself; I abhor the dishonest attacks +levelled at her; I frankly confess that I have no complete substitute +for her teaching; but I cannot disguise from myself the weak points +which I believe that I have found in it and with regard to which it +is impossible to effect a compromise, because we have to do with a +doctrine in which all the component parts hold together and cannot be +detached. + +"I sometimes regret that I was not born in a land where the bonds of +orthodoxy are less tightly drawn than in Catholic countries. For, at +whatever cost, I am resolved to be a Christian; but I cannot be an +orthodox Catholic. When I find such independent and bold thinkers as +Herder, Kant, and Fichte, calling themselves Christians, I should like +to be so too. But can I be so in the Catholic faith, which is like a +bar of iron? and you cannot reason with a bar of iron. Will not some +one found amongst us a rational and critical Christianity? I will +confess to you that I believe that I have discovered in some German +writers the true kind of Christianity which is adapted to us. May +I live to see this Christianity assuming a form capable of fully +satisfying all the requirements of our age! May I myself cooperate in +the great work! What so grieves me is the thought that perhaps it will +be needful to be a priest in order to accomplish that; and I could not +become a priest without being guilty of hypocrisy. + +"Forgive me, sir, these thoughts, which must seem very reprehensible +to you. You are aware that all this has not as yet any dogmatic +consistence in me; I still cling to the Church, my venerable mother; I +recite the Psalms with heartfelt accents; I should, if I followed the +bent of my inclination, pass hours at a time in church; gentle, plain, +and pure piety touches me to the very heart; and I even have sharp +relapses of devotional feeling. All this cannot coexist without +contradiction with my general condition. But I have once for all made +up my mind on the subject; I have cast off the inconvenient yoke +of consistency, at all events for the time. Will God condemn me for +having simultaneously admitted that which my different faculties +simultaneously exact, although I am unable to reconcile their +contradictory demands? Are there not periods in the history of the +human mind when contradiction is necessary? When the moral verities +are under examination, doubt is unavoidable; and yet during this +period of transition the pure and noble mind must still be moral, +thanks to a contradiction. Thus it is that I am at times both Catholic +and Rationalist; but holy orders I can never take, for 'once a priest, +always a priest.' + +"In order to keep my letter within due limits, I must bring the long +story of my inward struggles to a close. I thank God, who has seen +fit to put me through so severe a trial, for having brought me into +contact with a mind such as yours, which is so well able to understand +this trial, and to whom I can confide it without reserve." + +M---- wrote me a very kind-hearted reply, offering a merely formal +opposition to my project of following my own course of study. My +sister, whose high intelligence had for years been like the pillar of +fire which lighted my path, wrote from Poland to encourage me in my +resolution, which was finally taken at the end of September. It was +a very honest and straightforward act; and it is one which I now look +back upon with the greatest satisfaction. But what a cruel severance. +It was upon my mother's account that I suffered the most. I was +compelled to inflict a deep wound upon her without being able to +give the slightest explanation. Although gifted with much native +intelligence, she was not sufficiently educated to understand that +a person's religious faith can be affected because he has discovered +that the Messianic explanations of the Psalms are erroneous, and that +Gesenius, in his commentary upon Isaiah, is in nearly every point +right when combating the arguments of the orthodox. It grieved me +much, also, to give pain to my old Brittany masters, who retained such +kindly feelings towards me. The critical question, as it represented +itself to my mind, would have seemed absolutely unintelligible to +them, so plain and unquestioning was their faith. I went back to Paris +therefore without letting them know anything more than that I was +likely to travel, and that my ecclesiastical studies might possibly be +suspended. + +The masters of St. Sulpice, accustomed to take a broader view of +things, were not very much surprised. M. Le Hir, who placed an +unlimited confidence in study, and who also knew how steady my conduct +was, did not dissuade me from devoting a few years to free study +in Paris, and sketched out the course which I was to follow at the +College de France and at the School of Eastern Languages. M. Carbon +was grieved; he saw how different my position must become, and he +promised to try and find me a quiet and honourable position. M. +Dupanloup[2] displayed in this matter the high and hearty appreciation +of spiritual things which constituted his superiority. I spoke very +frankly to him. The critical side of the question did not in any way +impress him, and my allusion to German criticism took him by surprise. +The labours of M. Le Hir were almost unknown to him. Scripture in his +eyes was only useful in supplying preachers with eloquent passages, +and Hebrew was of no use for that purpose. But how kind and +generous-hearted he was! I have now before me a short note from him, +in which he says: "Do you want any money? This would be natural enough +in your position. My humble purse is at your service. I should like +to be able to offer you more precious gifts. I hope that my plain +and simple offer will not offend you." I declined his kind offer with +thanks, but there was no merit in my refusal, for my sister Henriette +had sent me twelve hundred francs to tide over this crisis. I scarcely +touched this sum, but nevertheless, by relieving me of any immediate +apprehension for the morrow, it was the foundation of the independence +and of the dignity of my whole life. + +Thus, on the 6th of October, 1845, I went down, never again to remount +them in priestly dress, the steps of the St. Sulpice seminary. I +crossed the courtyard as quickly as I could, and went to the hotel +which then stood at the north-west corner of the esplanade, not at +that time thrown open, as it is now. + +[Footnote 1: This has reference to a post of private tutor which was at my +disposal for a time.] + +[Footnote 2: M. Dupanloup was no longer superior of the Petty Seminary +of Saint Nicholas du Chardonnet.] + + + + +FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE ST. SULPICE. + +PART I. + + +The name of this hotel I do not remember; it was always spoken of as +"Mademoiselle Celeste's," this being the name of the worthy person who +managed or owned it. + +There was certainly no other hotel like it in Paris, for it was a kind +of annex to the seminary, the rules of which were to a great extent +in force there. Lodgers were not admitted without a letter of +introduction from one of the directors of the seminary or some other +notability in the religious world. It was here that students who +wished for a few days to themselves before entering or leaving the +seminary used to stay, while priests and superiors of convents whom +business brought to Paris found it comfortable and inexpensive. The +transition from the priestly to the ordinary dress is like the change +which occurs in a chrysalis; it needs a little shade. Assuredly, +if any one could narrate all the silent and unobtrusive romances +associated with this ancient hotel, now pulled down, we should hear +some very interesting stories. I must not, however, let my meaning be +mistaken, for, like many ecclesiastics still alive, I can testify to +the blameless course of life in Mlle. Celeste's hotel. + +While I was awaiting here the completion of my metamorphosis, M. +Carbon's good offices were being busily employed upon my behalf. +He had written to Abbe Gratry, at that time director of the College +Stanislas, and the latter offered me a place as usher in the upper +division. M. Dupanloup advised me to accept it, remarking: "You may +rest assured that M. Gratry is a priest of the highest distinction." +I accepted, and was very kindly treated by every one, but I did not +retain the place more than a fortnight. I found that my new situation +involved my making the outward profession of clericalism, the +avoidance of which was my reason for leaving the seminary. Thus my +relations with M. Gratry were but fleeting. He was a kindhearted +man, and a rather clever writer, but there was nothing in him. His +indecision of mind did not suit me at all, M. Carbon and M. Dupanloup +had told him why I had left St. Sulpice. We had two or three +conversations, in the course of which I explained to him my doubts, +based upon an examination of the texts. He did not in the least +understand me, and with his transcendentalism he must have looked upon +my rigid attention to details as very commonplace. He knew nothing of +ecclesiastical science, whether exegesis or theology; his capabilities +not extending beyond hollow phrases, trifling applications of +mathematics, and the region of "matter of fact." I was not slow to +perceive how immensely superior the theology of St. Sulpice was to +these hollow combinations which would fain pass muster as scientific. +St. Sulpice has a knowledge at first hand of what Christianity is; +the Polytechnic School has not. But I repeat, there could be no two +opinions as to the uprightness of M. Gratry, who was a very taking and +highminded man. + +I was sorry to part company with him; but there was no help for it. +I had left the first seminary in the world for one in every respect +inferior to it. The leg had been badly set; I had the courage to break +it a second time. On the 2nd or 3rd of November, I passed from out the +last threshold appertaining to the Church, and I obtained a place +as "assistant master _au pair_"--to employ the phrase used in the +Quartier Latin of those days--without salary, in a school of the +St. Jacques district attached to the Lycee Henri IV. I had a small +bedroom, and took my meals with the scholars, and as my time was not +occupied for more than two hours a day, I was able to do a good deal +of work upon my own account. This was just what I wanted. + + + + +FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE ST. SULPICE. + +PART II. + + +Constituted as I am to find my own company quite sufficient, the +humble dwelling in the Rue des Deux Eglises (now the Rue de l'Abbe +de l'Epee) would have been a paradise for me had it not been for +the terrible crisis which my conscience was passing through, and the +altered direction which I was compelled to give to my existence. The +fish in Lake Baikal have, it is said, taken thousands of years in +their transformation from salt to fresh water fish. I had to effect +my transition in a few weeks. Catholicism, like a fairy circle, casts +such a powerful spell upon one's whole life, that when one is deprived +of it everything seems aimless and gloomy. I felt terribly out of +my element. The whole universe seemed to me like an arid and chilly +desert. With Christianity untrue, everything else appeared to me +indifferent, frivolous, and undeserving of interest. The shattering of +my career left me with a sense of aching void, like what may be felt +by one who has had an attack of fever or a blighted affection. The +struggle which had engrossed my whole soul had been so ardent that +all the rest appeared to me petty and frivolous. The world discovered +itself to me as mean and deficient in virtue. I seemed to have lost +caste, and to have fallen upon a nest of pigmies. + +My sorrow was much increased by the grief which I had been compelled +to inflict upon my mother. I resorted, perhaps wrongly, to certain +artifices with the view, as I hoped, of sparing her pain. Her letters +went to my heart. She supposed my position to be even more painful +than it was in reality, and as she had, despite our poverty, rather +spoilt me, she thought that I should never be able to withstand any +hardship. "When I remember how a poor little mouse kept you from +sleeping, I am at a loss to know how you will get on," she wrote to +me. She passed her time singing the Marseilles hymns,[1] of which she +was so fond, especially the hymn of Joseph, beginning-- + + "O Joseph, o mon aimable + Fils affable." + +When she wrote to me in this strain, my heart was fit to break. As a +child, I was in the habit of asking her ten times over in the course +of the day--"Mother, have I been good?" The idea of a rupture between +us was most cruel. I accordingly resorted to various devices in order +to prove to her that I was still the same tender son that I had been +in the past. In time the wound healed, and when she saw that I was as +tender and loving towards her as ever, she readily agreed that there +might be more than one way of being a priest, and that nothing was +changed in me except the dress, which was the literal truth. + +My ignorance of the world was thorough-paced. I knew nothing except +of literary matters, and as my only real knowledge was that which I +gained at St. Sulpice, I have always been like a child in all worldly +matters. I did not therefore make any effort to render my material +position as good as the circumstances admitted. The one object of life +seemed to me to be thought. The educational profession being the one +which comes nearest to the clerical one, I selected it almost without +reflection. It was hard, no doubt, after having reached the maximum +of intellectual culture, and having held a post of some honour, +to descend to the lowest rank. I was better versed than any living +Frenchman, with the exception of M. Le Hir, in the comparative theory +of the Semitic languages, and my position was no better than that of +an under-master; I was a savant, and I had not taken a degree. But +the inward contentment of my own conscience was enough for me. I +never felt a shadow of regret at the decision which I had come to in +October, 1845. + +I had my reward, moreover, the day after I entered the humble school +in which I was to occupy for three years and a-half such a lowly +position. Among the pupils was one who, owing to his successes and +rapid progress, held a place of his own in the school. He was eighteen +years old, and even at that early age the philosophical spirit, the +concentrated ardour, the passionate love of truth, and the inventive +sagacity which have since made his name celebrated were apparent to +those who knew him. I refer to M. Berthelot, whose room was next to +mine. From the day that we knew each other, we became fast friends. +Our eagerness to learn was equally great, and we had both had very +different kinds of culture. We accordingly threw all that we knew +into the same seething cauldron which served to boil joints of very +different kinds. Berthelot taught me what was not to be learnt in the +seminary, while I taught him theology and Hebrew. Berthelot purchased +a Hebrew Bible, which, I believe, is still in his library with its +leaves uncut. He did not get much beyond the _Shevas_, the counter +attractions of the laboratory being too great. Our mutual honesty and +straightforwardness brought us closer together. Berthelot introduced +me to his father, one of those gifted doctors such as may be found in +Paris. The father was a Galilean of the old school, and very advanced +in his political views. He was the first Republican I had ever seen, +and it took me some time to familiarize myself with the idea. But +he was something more than that: he was a model of charity and +self-devotion. He assured the scientific career of his son by enabling +him to devote himself up to the age of thirty to his speculative +researches without having to obtain any remunerative post which would +have interfered with his studies. In politics, Berthelot remained true +to the principles of his father. This is the only point upon which +we have not always been agreed. For my part I should willingly resign +myself, if the opportunity arose (I must say that it seems to grow +more distant every day), to serve, for the greater good of +humanity now so sadly out of gear, a tyrant who was philanthropic, +well-instructed, intelligent, and liberal. + +Our discussions were interminable, and we were always resuming the +same subject. We passed part of the night in searching out together +the topics upon which we were engaged. After some little time, M. +Berthelot, having completed his special mathematical studies at the +Lycee Henri IV., went back to his father, who lived at the foot of +the Tour Saint Jacques de la Boucherie. When he came to see me in the +evening at the Rue de l'Abbe de l'Epee, we used to converse for hours, +and then I used to walk back with him to the Tour Saint Jacques. But +as our conversation was rarely concluded when we got back to his +door, he returned with me, and then I went back with him, this game +of battledore and shuttlecock being renewed several times. Social and +philosophical questions must be very hard to solve, seeing that we +could not with all our energy settle them. The crisis of 1848 had a +very great effect upon us. This fateful year was not more successful +than we had been in solving the problems which it had set itself, but +it demonstrated the fragility of many things which were supposed to be +solid, and to young and active minds it seemed like the lowering of a +curtain of clouds upon the horizon. + +The profound affection which thus bound M. Berthelot and myself +together was unquestionably of a very rare and singular kind. It +so happened that we were both of an essentially objective nature; a +nature, that is to say, perfectly free from the narrow whirlwind which +converts most consciences into an egotistical gulf like the conical +cavity of the formica-leo. Accustomed each to pay very little +attention to himself, we paid very little attention to one another. +Our friendship consisted in what we mutually learnt, in a sort of +common fermentation which a remarkable conformity of intellectual +organization produced in us in regard to the same objects. Anything +which we had both seen in the same light seemed to us a certainty. +When we first became acquainted, I still retained a tender attachment +for Christianity. Berthelot also inherited from his father a remnant +of Christian belief. A few months sufficed to relegate these vestiges +of faith to that part of our souls reserved for memory. The statement +that everything in the world is of the same colour, that there is no +special supernatural or momentary revelation, impressed itself upon +our minds as unanswerable. The scientific purview of a universe in +which there is no appreciable trace of any free will superior to that +of man became, from the first months of 1846, the immovable anchor +from which we never shifted. We shall never move from this position +until we shall have encountered in nature some one specially +intentional fact having its cause outside the free will of man or the +spontaneous action of the animal. + +Thus our friendship was somewhat analogous to that of two eyes when +they look steadily at the same object, and when from two images the +brain receives one and the same perception. Our intellectual growth +was like the phenomenon which occurs through a sort of action due +to close contact and to passive complicity. M. Berthelot looked as +favourably upon what I did as myself; I liked his ways as much as +he could have done himself. There was never so much as a trivial +vulgarity--I will not say a moral slackening of affection--between us. +We were invariably upon the same terms with each other that people are +with a woman for whom they feel respect. When I want to typify what an +unexampled pair of friends we were, I always represent two priests +in their surplices walking arm in arm. This dress does not debar them +from discussing elevated subjects; but it would never occur to them +in such a dress to smoke a cigar, to talk about trifles, or to satisfy +the most legitimate requirements of the body. Flaubert, the novelist, +could never understand that, as Sainte-Beuve relates, the recluses of +Port Royal lived for years in the same house and addressed each other +as Monsieur to the day of their death. The fact of the matter is that +Flaubert had no sort of idea as to what abstract natures are. Not only +did nothing approaching to a familiarity ever pass between us, but +we should have hesitated to ask each other for help, or almost for +advice. To ask a service would, in our view, be an act of corruption, +an injustice towards the rest of the human race; it would, at all +events, be tantamount to acknowledging that there was something to +which we attached a value. But we are so well aware that the temporal +order of things is vain, empty, hollow, and frivolous, that we +hesitate at giving a tangible shape even to friendship. We have too +much regard for each other to be guilty of a weakness towards each +other. Both alike convinced of the insignificance of human affairs, +and possessed of the same aspirations for what is eternal, we could +not bring ourselves to admit having of a set purpose concentrated our +thoughts upon what is casual and accidental. For there can be no doubt +that ordinary friendship presupposes the conviction that all things +are not vain and empty. + +Later in life an intimacy of this kind may at times cease to be felt +as a necessity. It recovers all its force whenever the globe of this +world, which is ever changing, brings round some new aspect with +regard to which we want to consult each other. Whichever of us dies +first will leave a great void in the existence of the other. Our +friendship reminds me of that of Francois de Sales and President +Favre: "They pass away these years of time, my brother, their months +are reduced to weeks, their weeks to days, their days to hours, and +their hours to moments, which latter alone we possess, and these only +as they fleet." The conviction of the existence of an eternal object +embraced in youth, gives a peculiar stability to life. All this is +anything but human or natural, you may say! No doubt, but strength is +only manifested by running counter to nature. The natural tree does +not bear good fruit. The fruit is not good until the tree is trained; +that is to say, until it has ceased to be a tree. + +[Footnote 1: A collection of hymns of the sixteenth century, touching +in their simplicity. I have my mother's old copy; I may perhaps write +something about them hereafter.] + + + + +FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE ST. SULPICE. + +PART III. + + +The friendship of M. Berthelot, and the approbation of my sister, +were my two chief consolations during this painful period, when the +sentiment of an abstract duty towards truth compelled me at the age +of three and twenty to alter the course of a career already fairly +entered upon. The change was, in reality, only one of domicile, and of +outward surroundings. At bottom I remained the same; the moral course +of my life was scarcely affected by this trial; the craving for truth, +which was the mainspring of my existence, knew no diminution. My +habits and ways were but very little modified. + +St. Sulpice, in truth, had left its impress so deeply upon me, that +for years I remained a St. Sulpice man, not in regard to faith but in +habit. The excellent education imparted there, which had exhibited +to me the perfection of politeness in M. Gosselin, the perfection of +kindness in M. Carbon, the perfection of virtue in M. Pinault, M. +Le Hir and M. Gottofrey, made an indelible impression upon my docile +nature. My studies, prosecuted without interruption after I had left +the seminary, so completely confirmed me in my presumptions against +orthodox theology, that at the end of a twelvemonth, I could scarcely +understand how I had formerly been able to believe. But when faith has +disappeared, morality remains; for a long time, my programme was to +abandon as little as possible of Christianity, and to hold on to all +that could be maintained without belief in the supernatural. I sorted, +so to speak, the virtues of the St. Sulpice student, discarding those +which appertain to a positive belief, and retaining those of which +a philosopher can approve. Such is the force of habit. The void +sometimes has the same effect as its opposite. _Est pro corde locus_. +The fowl whose brain has been removed, will nevertheless, under the +influence of certain stimulants, continue to scratch its beak. + +I endeavoured, therefore, on leaving St. Sulpice to remain as much of +a St. Sulpice man as possible. The studies which I had begun at the +seminary had so engrossed me, that my one desire was to resume them. +One only occupation seemed worthy to absorb my life, and that was the +pursuit of my critical researches upon Christianity by the much larger +means which lay science offered me. I also imagined myself to be +in the company of my teachers, discussing objections with them, and +proving to them that whole pages of ecclesiastical teaching require +alteration. + +For some little time, I kept up my relations with them, notably with +M. Le Hir, but I gradually came to feel that relations of this kind, +between the believer and the unbeliever, grow strained, and I broke +off an intimacy which could be profitable and pleasant to myself +alone. + +In respect to matters of critique, I also held my ground as closely as +I possibly could, and thus it comes that, while being unrestrictedly +rationalist, I have none the less seemed a thorough conservative in +the discussions relating to the age and authenticity of Holy Writ. The +first edition of my _Histoire Generale des Langues Semitiques_, for +instance, contains so far as regards the book of Ecclesiastes and the +Song of Solomon, several concessions to traditional opinions which +I have since eliminated one after the other. In my _Origines du +Christianisme_, upon the other hand, this reserved attitude has stood +me in good stead, for in writing this essay, I had to face a very +exaggerated school--that of the Tuebingen Protestants--composed of men +devoid of literary tact and moderation, by whom, through the fault of +the Catholics, researches as to Jesus and the apostolic age have been +almost entirely monopolised. When a reaction sets in against this +school, it will be recognised perhaps that my critique, Catholic in +its origin, and by degrees freed from the shackles of tradition, has +enabled me to see many things in their true light, and has preserved +me from more than one mistake. + +But it is in regard to my temperament, more especially, that I have +remained in reality the pupil of my old masters. My life, when I pass +it in review, has been one long application of their good qualities +and their defects; with this difference, that these qualities and +defects, having been transferred to the world's stage, have brought +out inconsistencies more strongly marked. All's well that ends well, +and as my existence has, upon the whole, been a pleasant one, I often +amuse myself, like Marcus Aurelius, by calculating how much I owe to +the various influences which have traversed my life, and woven the +tissue of it. In these calculations, St. Sulpice always comes out +as the principal factor. I can venture to speak very freely on this +point, for little of the credit is due to me. I was well trained, and +that is the secret of the whole matter. My amiability, which is in +many cases the result of indifference; my indulgency, which is sincere +enough, and is due to the fact that I see clearly how unjust men +are to one another; my conscientious habits, which afford me real +pleasure, and my infinite capacity for enduring ennui, attributable +perhaps to my having been so well inoculated by ennui during my youth +that it has never taken since, are all to be explained by the circle +in which I lived, and the profound impressions which I received. Since +I left St. Sulpice, I have been constantly losing ground, and yet, +with only a quarter the virtues of a St. Sulpice man, I have, I think, +been far above the average. + +I should like to explain in detail and show how the paradoxical +resolve to hold fast to the clerical virtues, without the faith upon +which they are based, and in a world for which they are not designed, +produced so far as I was concerned, the most amusing encounters. I +should like to relate all the adventures which my Sulpician habits +brought about, and the singular tricks which they played me. After +leading a serious life for sixty years, mirth is no offence, and what +source of merriment can be more abundant, more harmless, and more +ready to hand than oneself? If a comedy writer should ever be inclined +to amuse the public by depicting my foibles I would readily give my +assent if he agreed to let me join him in the work, as I could relate +things far more amusing than any which he could invent. But I find +that I am transgressing the first rule which my excellent masters laid +down, viz., never to speak of oneself. I will therefore treat this +latter part of my subject very briefly. + + + + +FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE ST. SULPICE. + +PART IV. + + +The moral teaching inculcated by the pious masters who watched over me +so tenderly up to the age of three-and-twenty may be summed up in the +four virtues of disinterestedness or poverty, modesty, politeness, +and strict morality. I propose to analyse my conduct under these four +heads, not in any way with the intention of advertising my own merits, +but in order to give those who profess the philosophy of good-natured +scepticism an opportunity of exercising their powers of observation at +my expense. + +I. Poverty is of all the clerical virtues the one which I have +practised the most faithfully. M. Olier had painted for his church +a picture in which St. Sulpice was represented as laying down the +fundamental rule of life for his clerks: _Habentes alimenta et quibus +tegamur, his contenti sumus_. This was just my idea, and I could +desire nothing better than to be provided with lodging, board, lights, +and firing, without any intervention of my own, by some one who +would charge me a fixed sum and leave me entirely my own master. The +arrangement which dated from my settlement in the little _pension_ of +the Faubourg St. Jacques was destined to become the economic basis of +my whole life. One or two private lessons which I gave saved me from +the necessity of breaking into the twelve hundred francs sent me by my +sister. This was just the rule laid down and observed by my masters +at Treguier and St. Sulpice: _Victum vestitum_, board and lodging and +just enough money to buy a new cassock once a year. I had never wished +for anything more myself. The modest competence which I now possess +only fell to my share later in life, and quite independently of my +own volition. I look upon the world at large as belonging to me, but +I only spend the interest of my capital. I shall depart this life +without having possessed anything save "that which it is usual to +consume," according to the Franciscan code. Whenever I have been +tempted to buy some small plot of ground, an inward voice has +prevented me. To have done so would have seemed to me gross, material, +and opposed to the principle: _Non habemus hic manentem civitatem_. +Securities are lighter, more ethereal, and more fragile; they do not +exercise the same amount of attachment, and there is more risk of +losing them. + +At the present rate this is a bitter contradiction, and though the +rule which I have followed has given me happiness, I would not advise +any one to adopt it. I am too old to change now, and besides I have +nothing to complain of; but I should be afraid of misleading young +people if I told them to do the same. To get the most one can out of +oneself is becoming the rule of the world at large. The idea that the +nobleman is the man who does not make money, and that any commercial +or industrial pursuit, no matter how honest, debases the person +engaged in it, and prevents him from belonging to the highest circle +of humanity is fast fading away. So great is the difference which an +interval of forty years brings about in human affairs. All that I once +did now appears sheer folly, and sometimes in looking around me I fail +to recognise that it is the same world. + +The man whose life is devoted to immaterial pursuits is a child in +worldly affairs; he is helpless without a guardian. The world in which +we live is wide enough for every place which is worth taking to be +occupied; every post to be held creates, so to speak, the person to +fill it. I had never imagined that the product of my thought could +have any market value. I had always had an idea of writing, but it +had never occurred to me that it would bring me in any money. I was +greatly astonished, therefore, when a man of pleasant and intelligent +appearance called upon me in my garret one day, and, after +complimenting me upon several articles which I had written, offered +to publish them in a collected form. A stamped agreement which he had +with him specified terms which seemed to me so wonderfully liberal +that when he asked me if all my future writings should be included +in the agreement, I gave my assent. I was tempted to make one or +two observations, but the sight of the stamp stopped me, and I was +unwilling that so fine a piece of paper should be wasted. I did well +to forego them, for M. Michel Levy must have been created by a special +decree of Providence to be my editor. A man of letters who has any +self-respect should write in only one journal and in one review, and +should have only one publisher. M. Michel Levy and myself always got +on very well together. At a subsequent date, he pointed out to me that +the agreement which he had prepared was not sufficiently remunerative +for me, and he substituted for it one much more to my advantage. I am +told that he has not made a bad speculation out of me. I am delighted +to hear it. In any event, I may safely say that if I possessed a fund +of literary wealth it was only fair that he should have a large share +of it, as but for him I should never have suspected its existence. + +II. It is very difficult to prove that one is modest, for the very +assertion of one's modesty destroys one's claim to it. As I have said, +our old Christian teachers had an excellent rule upon this score, +which was never to speak of oneself either in praise or depreciation. +This is the true principle, but the general reader will not have +it so, and is the cause of all the mischief. He leads the writer to +commit faults upon which he is afterwards very hard, just as the staid +middle classes of another age applauded the actor, and yet excluded +him from the Church. "Incur your own damnation, as long as you amuse +us" is often the sentiment which lurks beneath the encouragement, +often flattering in appearance, of the public. Success is more often +than not acquired by our defects. When I am very well pleased with +what I have written, I have perhaps nine or ten persons who approve +of what I have said. When I cease to keep a strict watch upon myself, +when my literary conscience hesitates, and my hand shakes, thousands +are anxious for me to go on. + +But notwithstanding all this, and making due allowance for venial +faults, I may safely claim that I have been modest, and in this +respect, at all events, I have not come short of the St. Sulpice +standard. I am not afflicted with literary vanity. I do not fall into +the error which distinguishes the literary views of our day. I am well +assured that no really great man has ever imagined himself to be one, +and that those who during their lifetime browse upon their glory while +it is green, do not garner it ripe after their death. I only feigned +to set store by literature for a time to please M. Sainte-Beuve who +had great influence over me. Since his death, I have ceased to attach +any value to it. I see plainly enough that talent is only prized +because people are so childish. If the public were wise, they would +be content with getting the truth. What they like is in most cases +imperfections. My adversaries, in order to deny me the possession +of other qualities which interfere with their apologeticum, are so +profuse in their allowance of talent to me that I need not scruple +to accept an encomium which, coming from them, is a criticism. In any +event, I have never sought to gain anything by the display of this +inferior quality, which has been more prejudicial to me as a _savant_ +than it has been useful of itself. I have not based any calculations +upon it. I have never counted upon my supposed talent for a +livelihood, and I have not in any way tried to turn it to account. +The late M. Beule, who looked upon me with a kind of good-natured +curiosity mingled with astonishment, could not understand why I made +so little use of it. I have never been at all a literary man. In the +most decisive moments of my life I had not the least idea that my +prose would secure any success. + +I have never done anything to foster my success, which, if I may be +permitted to say so, might have been much greater if I had so willed. +I have in no wise followed up my good fortune; upon the contrary, I +have rather tried to check it. The public likes a writer who sticks +closely to his line, and who has his own specialty; placing but little +confidence in those who try to shine in contradictory subjects. I +could have secured an immense amount of popularity if I had gone in +for a _crescendo_ of anti-clericalism after the _Vie de Jesus_. The +general reader likes a strong style. I could easily have left in the +flourishes and tinsel phrases which excite the enthusiasm of those +whose taste is not of a very elevated kind, that is to say, of the +majority. I spent a year in toning down the style of the _Vie de +Jesus_, as I thought that such a subject could not be treated +too soberly or too simply. And we know how fond the masses are of +declamation. I have never accentuated my opinions in order to gain the +ear of my readers. It is no fault of mine if, owing to the bad taste +of the day, a slender voice has made itself heard athwart the darkness +in which we dwell, as if reverberated by a thousand echoes. + +III. With regard to my politeness, I shall find fewer cavillers than +with regard to my modesty, for, so far as mere externals go, I have +been endowed with much more of the former than of the latter. The +extreme urbanity of my old masters made so great an impression upon +me that I have never broken away from it. Theirs was the true French +politeness; that which is shown not only towards acquaintances but +towards all persons without exception.[1] Politeness of this kind +implies a general standard of conduct, without which life cannot, as I +hold, go on smoothly; viz. that every human creature should, be given +credit for goodness failing proof to the contrary, and treated kindly. +Many people, especially in certain countries, follow the opposite +rule, and this leads to great injustice. For my own part, I cannot +possibly be severe upon any one _a priori_. I take for granted that +every person I see for the first time is a man of merit and of good +repute, reserving to myself the right to alter my opinions (as I often +have to do) if facts compel me to do so. This is the St. Sulpice rule, +which, in my contact with the outside world, has placed me in very +singular positions, and has often made me appear very old-fashioned, +a relic of the past, and unfamiliar with the age in which we live. The +right way to behave at table is to help oneself to the worst piece in +the dish, so as to avoid the semblance of leaving for others what +one does not think good enough--or, better still, to take the piece +nearest to one without looking at what is in the dish. Any one who +was to act in this delicate way in the struggle of modern life, +would sacrifice himself to no purpose. His delicacy would not even +be noticed. "First come, first served," is the objectionable rule of +modern egotism. To obey, in a world which has ceased to have any heed +of civility, the excellent rules of the politeness of other days, +would be tantamount to playing the part of a dupe, and no one would +thank you for your pains. When one feels oneself being pushed by +people who want to get in front of one, the proper thing to do is to +draw back with a gesture tantamount to saying: "Do not let me prevent +you passing." But it is very certain that any one who adhered to this +rule in an omnibus would be the victim of his own deference; in fact, +I believe that he would be infringing the bye-laws. In travelling by +rail, how few people seem to see that in trying to force their way +before others on the platform in order to secure the best seats, they +are guilty of gross discourtesy. + +In other words, our democratic machines have no place for the man of +polite manners. I have long since given up taking the omnibus; the +conductor came to look upon me as a passenger who did not know what +he was about. In travelling by rail, I invariably have the worst seat, +unless I happen to get a helping hand from the station-master. I was +fashioned for a society based upon respect, in which people could be +treated, classified, and placed according to their costume, and in +which they would not have to fight for their own hand. I am only at +home at the Institute or the College de France, and that because our +officials are all well-conducted men and hold us in great respect. The +Eastern habit of always having a _cavass_ to walk in front of one in +the public thoroughfares suited me very well; for modesty is seasoned +by a display of force. It is agreeable to have under one's orders +a man armed with a kourbash which one does not allow him to use. I +should not at all mind having the power of life and death without ever +exercising it, and I should much like to own some slaves in order to +be extremely kind to them and to make them adore me. + +IV. My clerical ideas have exercised a still greater influence over +me in all that relates to the rules of morality. I should have looked +upon it as a lack of decorum if I had made any change in my austere +habits upon this score. The world at large, in its ignorance of +spiritual things, believes that men only abandon the ecclesiastical +calling because they find its duties too severe. I should never have +forgiven myself if I had done anything to lend even a semblance of +reason to views so superficial. With my extreme conscientiousness +I was anxious to be at rest with myself, and I continued to live in +Paris the life which I had led in the seminary. As time went on, I +recognised that this virtue was as vain as all the others; and more +especially I noted that nature does not in the least encourage man +to be chaste. I none the less persevered in the mode of life I had +selected, and I deliberately imposed upon myself the morals of a +Protestant clergyman. A man should never take two liberties with +popular prejudice at the same time. The freethinker should be very +particular as to his morals. I know some Protestant ministers, very +broad in their ideas, whose stiff white ties preserve them from all +reproach. In the same way I have, thanks to a moderate style and +blameless morals, secured a hearing for ideas which, in the eyes of +human mediocrity, are advanced. + +The worldly views in regard to the relations between the sexes are as +peculiar as the biddings of nature itself. The world, whose; judgments +are rarely altogether wrong, regards it as more or less ridiculous +to be virtuous, when one is not obliged to be so as a matter of +professional duty. The priest, whose place it is to be chaste as it +is that of the soldier to be brave, is, according to this view, +almost the only person who can, without incurring ridicule, stand by +principles over which morality and fashion are so often at variance. +There can be no doubt that, upon this point, as on many others, +adherence to my clerical principles has been injurious to me in the +eyes of the world. These principles have not affected my happiness. +Women have, as a rule, understood how much respect and sympathy for +them my affectionate reserve implied. In fine, I have been beloved by +the four women whose love was of the most comfort to me: My mother, +my sister, my wife and my daughter. I have had the better part, and it +will not be taken from me, for I often fancy that the judgments which +will be passed upon us in the valley of Jehosophat, will be neither +more nor less than those of women, countersigned by the Almighty. + +Thus it may, upon the whole, be said that I have come short in little +of my clerical promises. I have exchanged spirituality for ideality. +I have been truer to my engagements than many priests apparently more +regular in their conduct. In resolutely clinging to the virtues of +disinterestedness, politeness, and modesty in a world to which they +are not applicable I have shown how very simple I am. I have never +courted success; I may almost say that it is distasteful to me. The +pleasure of living and of working is quite enough for me. Whatever may +be egotistical in this way of engaging the pleasure of existence is +neutralized by the sacrifices which I believe that I have made for the +public good. I have always been at the orders of my country; at the +first sign from it, in 1869, I placed myself at its disposal. I might +perhaps have rendered it some service; the country did not think so, +but I have done my part. I have never flattered the errors of public +opinion; and I have been so careful not to lose a single opportunity +of pointing out these errors, that superficial persons have regarded +me as wanting in patriotism. One is not called upon to descend to +charlatanism or falsehood to obtain a mandate, the main condition of +which is independence and sincerity. Amidst the public misfortunes +which may be in store for us, my conscience will, therefore, be quite +at rest. + +All things considered, I should not, if I had to begin my life +over again, with the right of making what erasures I liked, change +anything. The defects of my nature and education have, by a sort of +benevolent Providence, been so attenuated and reduced as to be of very +little moment. A certain apparent lack of frankness in my relations +with them is forgiven me by my friends, who attribute it to my +clerical education. I must admit that in the early part of my life I +often told untruths, not in my own interest, but out of good-nature +and indifference, upon the mistaken idea which always induces me to +take the view of the person with whom I may be conversing. My sister +depicted to me in very vivid colours the drawbacks involved in acting +like this, and I have given up doing so. I am not aware of having told +a single untruth since 1851, with the exception, of course, of the +harmless stories and polite fibs which all casuists permit, as also +the literary evasions which, in the interests of a higher truth, must +be used to make up a well-poised phrase, or to avoid a still greater +misfortune--that of stabbing an author. Thus, for instance, a poet +brings you some verses. You must say that they are admirable, for if +you said less it would be tantamount to describing them as worthless, +and to inflicting a grievous insult upon a man who intended to show +you a polite attention. + +My friends may have well found it much more difficult to forgive me +another defect, which consists in being rather slow not to show them +affection but to render them assistance. One of the injunctions most +impressed upon us at the seminary was to avoid "special friendships." +Friendships of this kind were described as being a fraud upon the rest +of the community. This rule has always remained indelibly impressed +upon my mind. I have never given much encouragement to friendship; I +have done little for my friends, and they have done little for me. One +of the ideas which I have so often to cope with is that friendship, as +it is generally understood, is an injustice and a blunder, which only +allows you to distinguish the good qualities of a single person, and +blinds you to those of others who are perhaps more deserving of your +sympathy. I fancy to myself at times, like my ancient masters, that +friendship is a larceny committed at the expense of society at large, +and that, in a more elevated world, friendship would disappear. In +some cases, it has seemed to me that the special attachment which +unites two individuals is a slight upon good-fellowship generally; and +I am always tempted to hold aloof from them as being warped in their +judgment and devoid of impartiality and liberty. A close association +of this kind between two persons must, in my view, narrow the +mind, detract from anything like breadth of view, and fetter the +independence. Beule often used to banter me upon this score. He was +somewhat attached to me, and was anxious to render me a service, +though I had not done the equivalent for him. Upon a certain +occasion I voted against him in favour of some one who had been very +ill-natured towards me, and he said to me afterwards: "Renan, I shall +play some mean trick upon you; out of impartiality you will vote for +me." + +While I have been very fond of my friends, I have done very little for +them. I have been as much at the disposal of the public as of them. +This is why I receive so many letters from unknown and anonymous +correspondents; and this is also why I am such a bad correspondent. It +has often happened to me while writing a letter to break off suddenly +and convert into general terms the ideas which have occurred to me. +The best of my life has been lived for the public, which has had all I +have to give. There is no surprise in store for it after my death, as +I have kept nothing back for anybody. + +Having thus given my preference instinctively to the many rather than +to the few, I have enjoyed the sympathy even of my adversaries, but I +have had few friends. No sooner has there been any sign of warmth in +my feelings, than the St. Sulpice dictum, "No special friendships," +has acted as a refrigerator, and stood in the way of any close +affinity. My craving to be just has prevented me from being obliging. +I am too much impressed by the idea that in doing one person a service +you as a rule disoblige another person; that to further the chances +of one competitor is very often equivalent to an injury upon another. +Thus the image of the unknown person whom I am about to injure brings +my zeal to a sudden check. I have obliged hardly any one; I have never +learnt how people succeed in obtaining the management of a tobacco +shop for those in whom they are interested. This has caused me to be +devoid of influence in the world, but from a literary point of view +it has been a good thing for me. Merimee would have been a man of the +very highest mark if he had not had so many friends. But his friends +took complete possession of him. How can a man write private letters +when it is in his power to address himself to all the world. The +person to whom you write reduces your talent; you are obliged to write +down to his level. The public has a broader intelligence than any one +person. There are a great many fools, it is true, among the "all," but +the "all" comprises as well the few thousand clever men and women for +whom alone the world may be said to exist. It is in view of them that +one should write. + +[Footnote 1: I will add towards animals as well. I could not possibly +behave unkindly to a dog, or treat him roughly, and with an air of +authority.] + + + + +FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE ST. SULPICE. + +PART V. + + +I now bring to a conclusion these _Recollections_ by asking the reader +to forgive the irritating fault into which writing of this kind leads +one in every sentence. Vanity is so deep in its secret calculations +that even when frankly criticising himself the writer is liable to the +suspicion of not being quite open and above board. The danger in such +a case is that he will, with unconscious artfulness, humbly confess, +as he can do without much merit, to trifling and external defects so +as indirectly to ascribe to himself very high qualities. The demon +of vanity is, assuredly, a very subtle one, and I ask myself whether +perchance I have fallen a victim to it. If men of taste reproach me +with having shown myself to be a true representative of the age while +pretending not to be so, I beg them to rest well assured that this +will not happen to me again. + + Claudite jam rivos, pueri; sat prata biberunt + +I have too much work before me to amuse myself in a way which many +people will stigmatise as frivolous. My mother's family at Lannion, +from which I have inherited my disposition, has supplied several cases +of longevity; but certain recurrent symptoms lead me to believe that +so far as I am concerned I shall not furnish another. I shall thank +God that it is so, if I am thus spared years of decadence and loss of +power, which are the only things I dread. At all events, the remainder +of my life will be devoted to a research of the pure objective truth. +Should these be the last lines in which I am given an opportunity of +addressing myself to the public, I may be allowed to thank them for +the intelligent and sympathetic way in which they have supported me. +In former times the most that a man who went out of the beaten track +could expect was that he would be tolerated. My age and country have +been much more indulgent for me. Despite his many defects and his +humble origin, the son of peasants and of lowly sailors, trebly +ridiculous as a deserter from the seminary, an unfrocked clerk and a +case-hardened pedant, was from the first well-received, listened to, +and ever made much of, simply because he spoke with sincerity. I have +had some ardent opponents, but I have never had a personal enemy. The +only two objects of my ambition, admission to the Institute and to the +College de France, have been gratified. France has allowed me to share +the favours which she reserves for all that is liberal: her admirable +language, her glorious literary tradition, her rules of tact, and the +audience which she can command. Foreigners, too, have aided me in +my task as much as my own country, and I shall carry to my grave a +feeling of affection for Europe as well as for France, to whom I would +at times go on my knees and entreat not to divide her own household +by fratricidal jealousy, nor to forget her duty and her common task, +which is civilization. + +Nearly all the men with whom I have had anything to do have been +extremely kind to me. When I first left the seminary, I traversed, +as I have said, a period of solitude, during which my sole support +consisted of my sister's letters and my conversations with M. +Berthelot; but I soon met with encouragement in every direction. M. +Egger became, from the beginning of 1846, my friend and my guide in +the difficult task of proving, rather late in the day, what I could +do in the way of classics. Eugene Burnouf, after perusing a very +defective essay which I wrote for the Volney Prize in 1847, chose me +as a pupil. M. and Mme. Adolphe Garnier were extremely kind to me. +They were a charming couple, and Madame Garnier, radiant with grace +and devoid of affectation, first inspired me with admiration for a +kind of beauty from which theology had sequestered me. With M. Victor +Le Clerc I had brought before my eyes all those qualities of study and +methodical application which distinguished my former teachers. I had +learnt to like him from the time of my residence at St. Sulpice: he +was the only layman whom the directors of the seminary valued, and +they envied him his remarkable ecclesiastical erudition. M. Cousin, +though he more than once displayed friendliness for me, was too +closely surrounded by disciples for me to try and force my way +through such a crowd, which was somewhat subservient to their master's +utterances. M. Augustin Thierry, upon the other hand, was, in the true +sense of the word, a spiritual father for me. His advice is ever in my +thoughts, and I have him to thank for having kept clear in my style +of writing from certain very ungainly defects which I should not have +discovered for myself. It was through him that I made the acquaintance +of the Scheffer family, whom I have to thank for a companion who has +always assorted herself so harmoniously to my somewhat contracted +conditions of life that I am at times tempted, when I reflect upon so +many fortunate coincidences, to believe in predestination. + +According to my philosophy, which regards the world in its entirety as +full of a divine afflation, there is no place for individual will in +the government of the universe. Individual Providence, in the sense +formerly attached to it, has never been proved by any unmistakable +fact. But for this, I should assuredly be thankful to yield to a +combination of circumstances in which a mind, less subjugated than +my own by general reasoning, would detect the traces of the special +protection of benevolent deities. The play of chances which brings +up a ternion or a quaternion is nothing compared to what has been +required to prevent the combination of which I am reaping the fruits +from being disturbed. If my origin had been less lowly in the eyes +of the world, I should not have entered or persevered upon that royal +road of the intellectual life to which my early training for the +priesthood attached me. The displacement of a single atom would have +broken the chain of fortuitous facts which, in the remote district +of Brittany, was preparing me for a privileged life; which brought +me from Brittany to Paris; which, when I was in Paris, took me to the +establishment of all others where the best and most solid education +was to be had; which, when I left the seminary, saved me from two or +three mistakes which would have been the ruin of me; which, when I was +on my travels, extricated me from certain dangers that, according to +the doctrine of chances, would have been fatal to me; which, to cite +one special instance, brought Dr. Suquet over from America to rescue +me from the jaws of death which were yawning to swallow me up. +The only conclusion I would fain draw from all this is that the +unconscious effort towards what is good and true in the universe has +its throw of the dice through the intermediary of each one of us. +There is no combination but what comes up, quaternions like any other. +We may disarrange the designs of Providence in respect to ourselves; +but we have next to no influence upon their accomplishment. _Quid +habes quod non accepisti_? The dogma of grace is the truest of all the +Christian dogmas. + +My experience of life has, therefore, been very pleasant; and I do +not think that there are many human beings happier than I am. I have +a keen liking for the universe. There may have been moments when +subjective scepticism has gained a hold upon me, but it never made me +seriously doubt of the reality, and the objections which it has evoked +are sequestered by me as it were within an inclosure of forgetfulness; +I never give them any thought, my peace of mind is undisturbed. Then, +again, I have found a fund of goodness in nature and in society. +Thanks to the remarkable good luck which has attended me all my life, +and always thrown me into communication with very worthy men, I have +never had to make sudden changes in my attitudes. Thanks, also, to +an almost unchangeable good temper, the result of moral healthiness, +which is itself the result of a well-balanced mind, and of tolerably +good bodily health, I have been able to indulge in a quiet philosophy, +which finds expression either in grateful optimism or playful irony. +I have never gone through much suffering. I might even be tempted to +think that nature has more than once thrown down cushions to break the +fall for me. Upon one occasion, when my sister died, nature literally +put me under chloroform, to save me a sight which would perhaps have +created a severe lesion in my feelings, and have permanently affected +the serenity of my thought. + +Thus, I have to thank some one; I do not exactly know whom. I have +had so much pleasure out of life that I am really not justified in +claiming a compensation beyond the grave. I have other reasons for +being irritated at death: he is levelling to a degree which annoys +me; he is a democrat, who attacks us with dynamite; he ought, at all +events, to await our convenience and be at our call. I receive many +times in the course of the year an anonymous letter, containing the +following words, always in the same handwriting: "If there should be +such a place as hell after all?" No doubt the pious person who +writes to me is anxious for the salvation of my soul, and I am deeply +thankful for the same. But hell is a hypothesis very far from being in +conformity with what we know from other sources of the divine mercy. +Moreover, I can lay my hand on my heart and say that if there is such +a place I do not think that I have done anything which would consign +me to it. A short stay in purgatory would, perhaps, be just; I would +take the chance of this, as there would be Paradise afterwards, and +there would be plenty of charitable persons to secure indulgences, +by which my sojourn would be shortened. The infinite goodness which +I have experienced in this world inspires me with the conviction +that eternity is pervaded by a goodness not less infinite, in which I +repose unlimited trust. + +All that I have now to ask of the good genius which has so often +guided, advised, and consoled me is a calm and sudden death at my +appointed hour, be it near or distant. The Stoics maintained that one +might have led a happy life in the belly of the bull of Phalaris. +This is going too far. Suffering degrades, humiliates, and leads to +blasphemy. The only acceptable death is the noble death, which is not +a pathological accident, but a premeditated and precious end before +the Everlasting. Death upon the battle-field is the grandest of all; +but there are others which are illustrious. If at times I may have +conceived the wish to be a senator, it is because I fancy that +this function will, within some not distant interval, afford fine +opportunities of being knocked on the head or shot--forms of death +which are very preferable to a long illness, which kills you by inches +and demolishes you bit by bit. God's will be done! I have little +chance of adding much to my store of knowledge; I have a pretty +accurate idea of the amount of truth which the human mind can, in the +present stage of its development, discern. I should be very grieved to +have to go through one of those periods of enfeeblement during which +the man once endowed with strength and virtue is but the shadow and +ruin of his former self; and often, to the delight of the ignorant, +sets himself to demolish the life which he had so laboriously +constructed. Such an old age is the worst gift which the gods can +give to man. If such a fate be in store for me, I hasten to protest +beforehand against the weaknesses which a softened brain might lead +me to say or sign. It is the Renan, sane in body and in mind, as I am +now--not the Renan half destroyed by death and no longer himself, as +I shall be if my decomposition is gradual--whom I wish to be believed +and listened to. I disavow the blasphemies to which in my last hour I +might give way against the Almighty. The existence which was given me +without my having asked for it has been a beneficent one for me. Were +it offered to me, I would gladly accept it over again. The age in +which I have lived will not probably count as the greatest, but it +will doubtless be regarded as the most amusing. Unless my closing +years have some very cruel trials in store, I shall have, in bidding +farewell to life, to thank the cause of all good for the delightful +excursion through reality which I have been enabled to make. + + + + +APPENDIX. + + +This volume was already in the press, when Abbe Cognat published in +the _Correspondant_ (January 25th, 1883) the letters which I wrote to +him in 1845 and 1846.[1] As several of my friends told me that they +had found them very interesting, I reproduce them here just as they +were published. + + +Treguier, _August 14th, 1845._ + +My dear friend, + +Few events of importance have occurred, but many thoughts and feelings +have crowded in upon me since the day we parted. I am all the more +glad to impart them to you because there is no one else to whom I can +confide them. I am not alone, it is true, when I am with my mother; +but there are many things that my tender regard for her compels me +to keep back, and which, for the matter of that, she would not +understand. + +Nothing has occurred to advance the solution of the important problem of +which, as is only natural, my mind is full. I have learnt nothing more, +unless it be the immensity of the sacrifice which God required of me. A +thousand painful details which I had never thought of have cropped up, +with the effect of complicating the situation, and of showing me that +the course dictated me by my conscience opened up a future of endless +trouble. I should have to enter into long and painful details to make +you understand exactly what I mean; and it must suffice if I tell you +that the obstacles of which we have on various occasions spoken are as +nothing by comparison with those which have suddenly started up before +me. It was no small thing to brave an opinion which would, one knew, be +very hard upon one, and to live on for long years an arduous life +leading to one knew not what; but the sacrifice was not then +consummated. God enjoins me to pierce with my own hand a heart upon +which all the affection there is in my own has been poured out. Filial +love had absorbed in me all the other affections of which I was capable, +and which God did not bring into play within me. Moreover, there existed +between my mother and myself many ties arising from a thousand +impalpable details which can be better felt than described. This was the +most painful part of the sacrifice which God required of me. I have +hitherto only spoken to her about Germany, and that is enough to make +her very unhappy. I tremble to think of what will happen when she knows +all. Her tender caresses go to my very heart, as do her plans for my +future, of which she is ever talking to me, and in which I have not the +courage to disappoint her. She is standing close to me as I write this +to you. Did she but know! I would sacrifice everything to her except my +duty and my conscience. Yes, if God exacted of me, in order to spare her +this pain, that I should extinguish my thought and condemn myself to a +plodding, vulgar existence, I would submit. Many a time I have +endeavoured to deceive myself, but it is not in human power to believe +or not to believe at will. I wish that I could stifle within me the +faculty of self-examination, for it is this which has caused all my +unhappiness. Fortunate are the children who all their life long do but +sleep and dream! I see around me men of pure and simple lives whom +Christianity has had the power to make virtuous and happy. But I have +noticed that none of them have the critical faculty; for which let them +bless God! + +I cannot tell you to what an extent I am spoilt and made much of here, +and it is this which grieves me so. Did they but know what is +passing in my heart! I am fearful at times lest my conduct may be +hypocritical, but I have satisfied my conscience in this respect. God +forbid that I should be a cause of scandal to these simple souls! + +When I see in what an inextricable net God has involved me while I +was asleep, I am unable to resist fatalistic thoughts, and I may often +have sinned in that respect; yet I never have doubted my Father which +is in Heaven or His goodness. Upon the contrary, I have always given +Him thanks, and have never felt myself nearer to Him than at moments +like those. The heart learns only by suffering, and I believe with +Kant that God is only to be known through the heart. Then too I was +a Christian, and resolved ever to remain one. But can orthodoxy be +critical? Had I but been born a German Protestant, for then I should +have been in my proper place! Herder ended his days a bishop, and he +was only just a Christian; but in the Catholic religion you must be +orthodox. Catholicism is a bar of iron, and will not admit anything +like reasoning. + +Forgive me, my dear friend, the wish which I have just expressed and +which does not even come from that part in me which still believes +without knowing. You must, in order to be orthodox, believe that I am +reduced to my present condition by my own fault; and that is very hard. +Nevertheless, I am quite disposed to think that it is to a great extent +my own fault. He who knows his own heart will always answer, "Yes," when +he is told, "It is your own fault." Nothing of all that has happened to +me is easier for me to admit than that. I will not be as obstinate as +Job with regard to my own innocence. However pure of offence I might +believe myself to be, I would only pray God to have pity on me. The +perusal of the Book of Job delights me; for in this Book is to be found +poetry in its most divine form. The Book of Job renders palpable the +mysteries which one feels within one's own heart, and to which one has +been painfully endeavouring to give tangible shape. + +None the less do I resolutely continue to follow out my thoughts. +Nothing will induce me to abandon this, even if I should be compelled +to appear to sacrifice it to the earning of my daily bread. God had, +in order to sustain me in my resolve, reserved for this critical +moment an event of real significance from the intellectual and moral +standpoint. I have studied Germany, and it has seemed to me that I +have been entering some holy place. All that I have lighted upon in +the course of the study is pure, elevating, moral, beautiful, +and touching. Oh! My Soul! Yes, it is a real treasure, and the +continuation of Jesus Christ. Their moral qualities excite my +liveliest admiration. How strong and gentle they are! I believe that +it is in this direction that we must look for the advent of Christ I +regard this apparition of a new spirit as analogous to the birth of +Christianity, except as to the difference of form. But this is of +little importance, for it is certain that when the event which is +to renovate the world shall recur, it will not in the mode of +its accomplishment resemble that which has already occurred. I am +attentively following the wave of enthusiasm which is at this moment +spreading over the north. M. Cousin has just started to study its +progress for himself, I am referring to Ronge and Czerski, whose names +you must have heard mentioned. May God pardon me for liking them, even +if they should not be pure: for what I like in them, as in all others +who have evoked my enthusiasm, is a certain standard of attractiveness +and morality which I have assigned them; in short, I admire in them my +ideal. It may be asked whether or not they come up to this standard. +That to my mind is quite a secondary matter. + +Yes, Germany delights me, not so much in her scientific as in her +moral aspect. The _morale_ of Kant is far superior to all his logic +and intellectual philosophy, and our French writers have never alluded +to it. This is only natural, for the men of our day have no moral +sense. France seems to me every day more devoid of any part in the +great work of renovating the life of humanity. A dry, anti-critical, +barren, and petty orthodoxy, of the St. Sulpice type; a hollow and +superficial imitation full of affectation and exaggeration, like +Neo-Catholicism; and an arid and heartless philosophy, crabbed and +disdainful, like the University, make up the sum of French culture. +Jesus Christ is nowhere to be found. I have been inclined to think +that He would come to us from Germany; not that I suppose He would be +an individual, but a spirit. And when we use the word Jesus Christ we +mean, no doubt, a certain spirit rather than an individual, and that +is the Gospel. Not that I believe that this apparition is likely +to bring about either an upset or a discovery; Jesus Christ neither +overturned nor discovered anything. One must be Christian, but it is +impossible to be orthodox. What is needed is a pure Christianity. The +archbishop will be inclined to believe this; he is capable of founding +pure Christianity in France. I apprehend that one result of the +tendency among the French clergy to study and gain instruction will be +to rationalise us a little. In the first place they will get tired +of scholasticism, and when that has been got rid of there will be a +change in the form of ideas, and it will be seen that the orthodox +interpretation of the Bible does not hold water. But this will not +be effected without a struggle, for your orthodox people are very +tenacious in their dogmatism, and they will apply to themselves a +certain quantity of Athanasian varnish which will close their eyes and +ears. Yes, I should much like to be there! And I am about, it may be, +to cut off my arms, for the priests will be all powerful yet a while, +and it may well be that there will be nothing to be done without being +a priest, as Ronge and Czerski were. I have read a letter to Czerski +from his mother, in which she reminds him of the sacrifices she had +made for his clerical education and entreats him to remain staunch to +Catholicism. But how can he serve it more sincerely than by devoting +himself to what he believes to be the truth? + +Forgive me, my dear friend, for what I have just said to you. If you +only knew the state of my head and my heart! Do not imagine that all +this has assumed a dogmatic consistency within me; so far from that, +I am the reverse of exclusive. I am willing to admit counter-evidence, +at all events for the time. Is it not possible to conceive a state of +things during which the individual and humanity are perforce exposed +to instability? You may answer that this is an untenable position for +them. Yes, but how can it be helped? It was necessary at one period +that people should be sceptical from a scientific point of view as to +morality, and yet, at this same period, men of pure minds could be +and were moral, at the risk of being inconsistent. The disciples of +scholasticism would mock at this, and triumphantly point to it as a +blunder in logic. It is easy to prove what is patent to every one. +Their idea is a moral state in which every detail has its set formula, +and they care little about the substance as long as the outward form +is perfect. They know neither man nor humanity as they really exist. + +Yes, my dear friend, I still believe; I pray and recite the Lord's +Prayer with ecstasy. I am very fond of being in church, where the pure +and simple piety moves me deeply in the lucid moments when I inhale +the odour of God. I even have devotional fits, and I believe that they +will last, for piety is of value even when it is merely psychological. +It has a moralising effect upon us, and raises us above wretched +utilitarian preoccupations; for where ends utilitarianism there begins +the beautiful, the infinite, and Almighty God; and the pure air wafted +thence is life itself. + +I am taken here for a good little seminarist, very pious and +tractable. This is not my fault, but it grieves me now and again, for +I am so afraid of appearing not to be straightforward. Yet I do not +feign anything, God knows; I merely do not say all I feel. Should I do +better to enter upon these wretched controversies, in which they would +have the advantage of being the champions of the beautiful and the +pure, and in which I should have the appearance of assimilating myself +to all that is most vile? for anti-Christianity has in this country so +low, detestable, and revolting an aspect that I am repelled from it if +only by natural modesty. And then they know nothing whatever about +the matter. I cannot be blamed for not speaking to them in German. +Moreover, as I have already explained to you, I am so situated +intellectually that I can appear one thing to this person and another +to that one without any feigning on my part, and without either of +them being deceived, thanks to having for a time shaken off the yoke +of contradiction. + +And then I must tell you that at times I have been within an ace of a +complete reaction, and have wondered whether it would not be more +agreeable to God if I were to cut short the thread of my +self-examination and trace my steps back two or three years. The fact is +that I do not see as I advance further any chance of reaching +Catholicism; each step leads me further away from it. However this may +be, the alternative is a very clear one. I can only return to +Catholicism by the amputation of one of my faculties, by definitely +stigmatising my reason and condemning it to perpetual silence. Yes, if I +returned, I should cease my life of study and self-examination, +persuaded that it could only bring me to evil, and I should lead a +purely mystic life in the Catholic sense. For I trust that so far as +regards a mere commonplace life God will always deliver me from that. +Catholicism meets the requirements of all my faculties excepting my +critical one, and as I have no reason to hope that matters will mend in +this respect I must either abandon Catholicism or amputate this faculty. +This operation is a difficult and a painful one, but you may be sure +that if my moral conscience did not stand in the way, that if God came +to me this evening and told me that it would be pleasing to Him, I +should do it. You would not recognise me in my new character, for I +should cease to study or to indulge in critical thought, and should +become a thorough mystic. You may also be sure that I must have been +violently shaken to so much as consider the possibility of such a +hypothesis, which forces itself upon me with greater terrors than death +itself. But yet I should not despair of striking, even in this career, a +vein of activity which would suffice to keep me going. + +And what, all said and done, will be my decision? It is with +indescribable dread that I see the close of the vacation drawing near, +for I shall then have to express, by very decisive action, a very +undecided inward state. It is this complication which makes my +position peculiarly painful. So much anxiety unnerves me, and then I +feel so plainly that I do not understand matters of this kind, that I +shall be certain to make some foolish blunder, and that I shall become +a laughing-stock. I was not born a cunning knave. They will laugh at +my simple-mindedness, and will look upon me as a fool. If, with all +this, I was only sure of what I was doing! But then, again, supposing +that by contact with them I were to lose my purity of heart and my +conception of life! Supposing they were to inoculate me with their +positivism! And even if I were sure of myself, could I be sure of the +external circumstances which have so fatal an action upon us? And who, +knowing himself, can be sure that he will be proof against his own +weakness? Is it not indeed the case that God has done me but a +poor service? It seems as if He had employed all His strategy for +surrounding me in every direction, and a simple young fellow like +myself might have been ensnared with much less trouble. But for all +this I love Him, and am persuaded that He has done all for my good, +much as facts may seem to contradict it. We must take an optimist +view for individuals as well as for humanity, despite the perpetual +evidence of facts telling the other way. This is what constitutes true +courage; I am the only person who can injure myself. + +I often think of you, my dear friend; you should be very happy. A +bright and assured future is opening before you; you have the goal in +view, and all you have to do is to march steadily onward to it. You +enjoy the marked advantage of having a strictly defined dogma to go +by. You will retain your breadth of view; and I trust that you may +never discover that there is a grievous incompatibility between the +wants of your heart and of your mind. In that case you would have +to make a very painful choice. Whatever conclusion you may perforce +arrive at as to my present condition and the innocence of my mind, let +me at all events retain your friendship. Do not allow my errors, or +even my faults, to destroy it. Besides, as I have said, I count upon +your breadth of view, and I will not do anything to demonstrate that +it is not orthodox, for I am anxious that you should adhere to it; and +at the same time I wish you to be orthodox. You are almost the only +person to whom I have confided my inmost thoughts; in Heaven's name +be indulgent and continue to call me your brother! My affection, dear +friend, will never fail you. + +[Footnote 1: See above, page 262.] + + +PARIS, _November 12th_, 1845. + +I was somewhat surprised, my dear friend, not to get a reply from you +before the close of the vacation. The first inquiry, therefore, which +I made at St. Sulpice was for you, first in order to learn the cause +of your silence, and especially in order that I might have some talk +with you. I need not tell you how grieved I was when I learnt that it +was owing to a serious illness that I had not heard from you. It is +true that the further details which were given me sufficed to allay my +anxiety, but they did not diminish the regret which I felt at finding +the chance of a conversation with you indefinitely postponed. This +unexpected piece of news, coinciding with so strange a phase in my +own life, inspired me with many reflections. You will hardly believe, +perhaps, that I envied your lot, and that I longed for something to +happen which would defer my embarking upon the stormy sea of busy life +and prolong the repose which accompanies home life, so quiet and so +free of care. You will understand this when I have explained to you +all the trials which I have had to undergo and which are still in +store for me. I will not attempt to explain them to you in detail, but +will keep them over until we meet. I will merely relate the principal +facts, and those which have led to a lasting result. + +My firm resolution upon coming to St. Sulpice was to break with a past +which had ceased to be in harmony with my present dispositions, and to +be quit of appearances which could only mislead. But I was anxious to +proceed very deliberately, especially as I felt that a reaction within +a more or less considerable interval was by no means improbable. An +accidental circumstance had the effect of bringing the crisis to a +head quicker than I had intended. Upon my arrival at St. Sulpice, I +was informed that I was no longer to be attached to the Seminary, but +to the Carmelite establishment, which the Archbishop of Paris had just +founded, and I was ordered to go and report myself to him the same +day. You can fancy how embarrassed I felt. My embarrassment was still +further increased upon learning that the Archbishop had just arrived +at the Seminary, and wished to speak to me. To accept would be +immoral; it was impossible for me to give the real reason for my +refusal, and I could not bring myself to give a false one. I had +recourse to the services of worthy M. Carbon, who undertook to tell my +story, and so spared me this painful interview. I thought it best to +go right through with the matter when once it had been begun, and I +completed in one day what I had intended to spread over several weeks, +so that on the evening of my return I belonged neither to the Seminary +nor to the Carmelite house. + +I was terrified at seeing so many ties destroyed in a few hours, and I +should have been glad to arrest this fatal progress, all too rapid as +I thought; but I was perforce driven forward, and there were no means +of holding back. The days which followed were the darkest of my life. +I was isolated from the whole world, without a friend, an adviser or +an acquaintance, without any one to appeal to about me, and this after +having just left my mother, my native Brittany, and a life gilded with +so many pure and simple affections. Here I am alone in the world, and +a stranger to it. Good-bye for ever to my mother, my little room, my +books, my peaceful studies, and my walks by my mother's side. Good-bye +to the pure and tranquil joys which seemed to bring me so near to God; +good-bye to my pleasant past, good-bye to those faiths which so gently +cradled me. Farewell for me to pure happiness. The past all blotted +out, and as yet no future. And then, I ask myself, will the new world +for which I have embarked receive me? I have left one in which I was +loved and made much of. And my mother, to think of whom was formerly +sufficient to solace me in my troubles, was now the cause of my most +poignant grief. I was, as it were, stabbing her with a knife. O God! +was it then necessary that the path of duty should be so stony? I +shall be derided by public opinion, and with all that the future +unfolded itself before me pale and colourless. Ambition was powerless +to remove the veil of sadness and regrets which infolded my heart. I +cursed the fate which had enveloped me in such fatal contradictions. +Moreover, the gross and pressing requirements of material existence +had to be faced. I envied the fate of the simple souls who are born, +who live and who die without stir or thought, merely following the +current as it takes them, worshipping a God whom they call their +Father. How I detested my reason for having bereft me of my dreams. I +passed some time each evening in the church of St. Sulpice, and there +I did my best to believe, but it was of no use. Yes, these days will +indeed count in my lifetime, for if they were not the most decisive, +they were assuredly the most painful. It was a hard thing to +re-commence life from the beginning, at the age of three and twenty. +I could scarcely realise the possibility of my having to fight my way +through the motley crowd of turbulent and ambitious persons. Timid as +I am, I was ever tempted to select a plain and common-place career, +which I might have ennobled inwardly. I had lost the desire to know, +to scrutinise and to criticise; it seemed to me as if it was enough to +love and to feel; but yet I quite feel that as soon as ever the heart +throbbed more slowly, the head would once more cry out for food. + +I was compelled, however, to create a fresh existence for myself in +this world so little adapted for me. I need not trouble you with an +account of these complications, which would be as uninteresting to you +as they were painful to myself. You may picture me spending whole +days in going from one person to another. I was ashamed of myself, +but necessity knows no law. Man does not live by bread alone; but he +cannot live without bread. But through it all I never ceased to keep +my eyes fixed heavenwards. + +I will merely tell you that in compliance with the advice of M. +Carbon, and for another peremptory reason of which I will speak to +you later on, I thought it best to refuse several rather tempting +proposals, and to accept in the preparatory school annexed to the +Stanislas College, a humble post which in several respects harmonised +very well with my present position. This situation did not take +up more than an hour and a half of my time each day, and I had the +advantage of making use of special courses of mathematics, physics, +etc., to say nothing of preparatory lectures for the M.A. degree, one +of which was delivered twice a week, by M. Lenormant I was agreeably +surprised at finding so much frank and cordial geniality among +these young people; and I can safely say that I never had anything +approaching to a misunderstanding while there, and that I left the +school with sincere regret. But the most remarkable incident in this +period of my life were beyond all doubt my relations with M. Gratry, +the director of the college. I shall have much to tell you about him, +and I am delighted at having made his acquaintance. He is the very +miniature of M. Bautain, of whom he is the pupil and friend. We became +very friendly from the first, and from that time forward we stood upon +a footing towards one another which has never had its like before, +so far as I am concerned. In many matters our ideas harmonised +wonderfully; he, like myself, is governed wholly by philosophy. He is, +upon the whole, a man of remarkably speculative mind; but upon certain +points there is a hollow ring about him. How came it then, you +will ask, that I was obliged to throw up a post which, taking it +altogether, suited me fairly well, and in which I could so easily +pursue my present plans? This, I must tell you, is one of the most +curious incidents in my life; I should find it almost impossible to +make any one understand it, and I do not believe that any one ever has +thoroughly understood it. It was once more a question of duty. Yes, +the same reason which compelled me to leave St. Sulpice and to refuse +the Carmelite establishment obliged me to leave the Stanislas College. +M. Dupanloup and M. Manier impelled me onward; onward I went, and I +had to start afresh. It seems as if I were fated ever to encounter +strange adventures, and I should be very glad that I had met with this +particular one, if for no other reason for the peculiar positions +in which it placed me, and which were the means of my making a +considerable addition to my store of knowledge. + +I had no difficulty, upon leaving the Stanislas College, in taking up +one of the negotiations which I had broken off when I joined it, and +in carrying out my original plan of hiring a student's lodging in +Paris. This is my present position. I have hired a room in a sort +of school near the Luxemburg, and in exchange for a few lessons in +mathematics and literature I am, as the saying goes, "about quits." +I did not expect to do so well. I have, moreover, nearly the whole +of the day to myself, and I can spend as much time as I please at the +Sorbonne, and in the libraries. These are my real homes, and it is in +them that I spend my happiest hours. This mode of life would be very +pleasant if I was not haunted by painful recollections, apprehensions +only too well founded, and above all by a terrible feeling of +isolation. Come and join me, therefore, my dear friend, and we shall +pass some very pleasant hours together. + +I have spoken to you thus far of the facts which have contributed to +detain me for the present in Paris, and I have said nothing to you +about the ulterior plans which I have in my head; for you take for +granted, I suppose, that I merely look upon this as a transitory +situation, pending the completion of my studies. It is upon the more +remote future, in fact, that my thoughts are concentrated, now that +my present position is assured. From this arises a fresh source of +intellectual worry, by which I am at present beset, for it is quite +painful to me to have to specialize myself, and besides there is +no specialty which fits exactly into the divisions of my mind. But +nevertheless it must be done. It is very hard to be fettered in one's +intellectual development by external circumstances. You can imagine +what I suffer, after having left my mind so absolutely free to follow +its line of development. My first step was to see what could be done +with regard to Oriental languages, and I was promised some lectures +with M. Quatremere and M. Julien, professor of Chinese at the College +de France. The result went to prove that this was not my outward +specialty. (I say outward because internally I shall never have +one, unless philosophy be classed as one, which to my mind would be +inaccurate.) Then I thought of the university, and here, as you will +understand, fresh difficulties arose. A professorship in the strict +sense of the term is almost intolerable in my eyes, and even if +one does not retain it all one's life long it must be held for a +considerable period. I could get on very well with philosophy if I +were allowed to teach it in my own way, but I should not be able to do +that, and before reaching that stage one would have to spend years +at what I call school literature, Latin verses, themes, etc. The +perspective seemed so dreadful that I had at one time resolved to +attach myself to the science classes, but in that case I should have +been compelled to specialize myself more than in any other branch, for +in scientific literature the principle of a species of universality is +admitted. And besides, that would divert me from my cherished +ideas. No; I will draw as close as possible to the centre which +is philosophy, theology, science, literature, etc., which is, as I +believe, God. I think it probable, therefore, that I shall fix my +attention upon literature, in order that I may graduate in philosophy. +All this, as you may fancy, is very colourless in my view, and the +bent of the university spirit is the reverse of sympathetic to me. But +one must be something, and I have had to try and be that which differs +the least from my ideal type. And besides, who can tell if I may +not some day succeed thereby in bringing my ideas to light? So many +unexpected things happen which upset all calculations. One must be +prepared therefore, for every eventuality, and be ready to unfurl +one's sail at the first capful of wind. + +I must tell you also of an intellectual matter which has helped +to sustain and comfort me in these trying moments: I refer to +my relations with M. Dupanloup. I began by writing him a letter +describing my inward state and the steps which I deemed it necessary +to take in consequence. He quite appreciated my course, and we +afterwards had a conversation of an hour and a half in the course +of which I laid bare, for the first time to one of my fellow-men +my inmost ideas and my doubts with regard to the Catholic faith. I +confess that I never met one more gifted; for he was possessed of true +philosophy and of a really superior intelligence. It was only then +that I learnt thoroughly to know him. We did not go thoroughly into +the question. I merely explained the nature of my doubts, and he +informed me of the judgment which from the orthodox point of view +he would feel it his duty to pass upon them. He was very severe and +plainly told me,[1] "that it was not a question of _temptations_ +against the faith--a term which I had employed in my letter by force +of the habit I had acquired of following the terminology adopted at +St. Sulpice, but of a complete loss of faith: secondly, that I was +beyond the pale of the Church; thirdly, that in consequence I could +not partake of any sacrament, and that he advised me not to take part +in any outward religious ceremony; fourthly, that I could not +without being guilty of deception, continue another day to pass as +an ecclesiastic, and so forth." In all that did not relate to the +appreciation of my condition, he was as kind as any one possibly +could be. The priests of St. Sulpice and M. Gratry were not nearly so +emphatic in their views and held that I must still regard myself +as tempted.... I obeyed M. Dupanloup, and I shall always do so +henceforth. Still, I continue to confess, and as I have no longer M. +B---- I confess to M. Le Hir, to whom I am devotedly attached. I find +that this improves and consoles me very much. I shall confess to you +when you are ordained a priest. However, out of condescension, as +he said, for the opinion of others, M. Dupanloup was anxious that I +should, before leaving the Stanislas College, go through a course of +private prayer. At first, I was tempted to smile at this proposal, +coming from him. But when he suggested that I should do this under +the care of M. de Ravignan I took a different view of the proposal. +I should have accepted, for this would have enabled me to bring my +connection with Catholicism to a dignified close. Unfortunately, M. de +Ravignan was not expected in Paris before the 10th of November, and +in the meanwhile M. Dupanloup had ceased to be superior of the petty +seminary and I had left the Stanislas College; the realization of this +proposal seems to me adjourned for a long time to say the least of it. + +Good-bye, my dear friend, and forgive me for having spoken only of +myself. For your own as for your friend's sake, let me beg of you to +take care of yourself during the period of convalescence and not to +compromise your health again by getting to work too soon. I will not +ask you to answer this unless you feel that you can do so without +fatigue. The true answer will be when we can grasp hands. Till then, +believe in my sincere friendship. + +[Footnote 1: M. Cognat merely analyses the rest as follows:--"M. +Renan then enters into some details with regard to preparing for his +examination for admission into the Normal School, and for a literary +degree. With regard to his bachelor's degree, the examination for +which he has not yet passed, it does not cause him much concern. +He had, however, great difficulty in passing, and only did so by +producing a certificate of home study, much as he disliked having +resort to this evasive course. He did not feel compelled to deprive +himself of the benefit of a course which was made use of by every +one else, and which seemed to be tolerated by the law of monopoly +of university teaching in order to temper the odious nature of its +privileges. 'But,' he goes on to say, 'I bear the university a grudge +for having compelled me to tell a lie, and yet the director of the +Normal School was extolling its liberal-mindedness.'"] + + +PARIS, _September 5th_, 1846. + +I thank you, my dear friend, for your kind letter. It afforded me +great pleasure and comfort during this dreary vacation, which I am +spending in the most painful isolation you can possibly conceive. +There is not a human being to whom I can open my heart, nor, what is +still worse, with whom I can indulge in conversations which, however +commonplace, repose the mind and satisfy one's craving for company. +One can be much more secluded in Paris than in the midst of the +desert, as I am now realizing for myself. Society does not consist +in seeing one's fellow-men, but in holding with them some of those +communications which remind one that one is not alone in the world. +At times, when I happen to be mixed up in the crowds which fill our +streets, I fancy that I am surrounded by trees walking. The effect is +precisely the same. When I think of the perfect happiness which used +to be my lot at this season of the year, a great sadness comes +over me, especially when I remember that I have said an everlasting +farewell to these blissful days. I don't know whether you are like me, +but there is nothing more painful to me than to have to say, even in +respect to the most trifling matter, "It is all over, for once and +all." What must I suffer, then, when I have to say this of the only +pleasures which in my heart I cared for? But what can be done? I do +not repent anything, and the suffering induced in the cause of duty +brings with it a joy far greater than those which may have been +sacrificed to it. I thank God for having given me in you one who +understands me so well that I have no need even to lay bare the state +of my heart to him. Yes, it is one of my chief sorrows to think that +the persons whose approbation would be the most precious to me must +blame me and condemn me. Fortunately that will not prevent them from +pitying and loving me. + +I am not one of those who are constantly preaching tolerance to the +orthodox; this is the cause of numberless sophisms for the superficial +minds in both camps. It is unfair upon Catholicism to dress it up +according to our modern ideas, in addition to which this can only be +done by verbal concessions which denote bad faith or frivolity. All or +nothing, the Neo-Catholics are the most foolish of any. + +No, my dear friend, do not scruple to tell me that I am in this state +through my own fault; I feel sure that you must think so. It is of +course painful for me to think that perhaps as much as half of the +enlightened portion of humanity would tell me that I am hateful in the +sight of God, and to use the old Christian phraseology, which is the +true one, that if death overtook me, I should be immediately damned. +This is terrible, and it used to make me tremble, for somehow or other +the thought of death always seems to me very close at hand. But I have +got hardened to it, and I can only wish to the orthodox a peace +of mind equal to that which I enjoy. I may safely say that since I +accomplished my sacrifice, amid outward sorrows greater than would be +believed, and which, from perhaps a false feeling of delicacy, I have +concealed from every one, I have tasted a peace which was unknown to +me during periods of my life to all appearance more serene. You +must not accept, my dear friend, certain generalities in regard to +happiness which are very erroneous, and all of which assume that one +cannot be happy except by consistency, and with a perfectly harmonized +intellectual system. At this rate, no one would be happy, or only +those whose limited intelligence could not rise to the conception +of problems or of doubt. It is fortunately not so; and we owe our +happiness to a piece of inconsistency, and to a certain turn of the +wheel which causes us to take patiently what with another turn of the +wheel would be absolute torture. I imagine that you must have felt +this. There is a sort of inward debate going on within us with regard +to happiness, and by it we are inevitably influenced in the way +we take a certain thing; for there is no one who will deny that +he contains within himself a thousand germs which might render him +absolutely wretched. The question is whether he will allow them free +course, or whether he will abstract himself from them. We are only +happy on the sly, my dear friend, but what is to be done? Happiness +is not so sacred a thing that it should only be accepted when derived +from perfect reason. + +You will perhaps think it strange that, not believing in Christianity, +I can feel so much at ease. This would be singular if I still had +doubts, but if I must tell you the whole truth, I will confess that +I have almost got beyond the doubting stage. Explain to me how you +manage to believe. My dear friend, it is too late for me to exclaim to +you. "Take care." If you were not what you are, I should throw myself +at your feet, and implore of you to declare whether you felt that you +could swear that you would not alter your views at any period of your +existence.... Think what is involved in swearing as to one's future +thoughts!... I am very sorry that our friend A---- is definitely bound +to the Church, for I feel sure that if he has not already doubted he +will do so. We shall see in another twenty years. I hardly know what +I am saying to you, but I cannot help wishing with St. Paul, that "all +were such as I am," thankful that I have no need to add "except these +bonds." With respect to the bonds which held me before, I do not +regret them. Philosophy bids us say, _Dominus pars_. + +When I was going up to the altar to receive the tonsure, I was already +terribly exercised by doubt, but I was forced onward, and I was told +that it was always well to obey. I went forward therefore, but God is +my witness, that my inmost thought and the vow which I made to myself, +was that I would take for my part the truth which is the hidden God, +that I would devote myself to its research, renouncing all that is +profane, or that is calculated to make us deviate from the holy and +divine goal to which nature calls us. This was my resolve, and an +inward voice told me that I should never repent me of my promise. And +I do not repent of it, my dear friend, and I am ever repeating the +soothing words _Dominus pars_, and I believe that I am not less +agreeable to God or faithful to my promise, than he who does not +scruple to pronounce them with a vain heart, and a frivolous mind. +They will never be a reproach to me until, prostituting my thought to +vulgar objects, I devote my life to one of those gross and commonplace +aims which suffice for the profane, and until I prefer gross and +material pleasures to the sacred pursuit of the beautiful and the +true. Until that time arrives, I shall recall with anything but regret +the day on which I pronounced these words. + +Man can never be sure enough of his thoughts to swear fidelity to such +and such a system which for the time he regards as true. All that he +can do is to devote himself to the service of the truth, whatever it +may be, and dispose his heart to follow it wherever he believes that +he can see it, at no matter how great a sacrifice. + +I write you these lines in haste, and with my head full of the by no +means agreeable work which I am doing for my examination, so you must +excuse the want of order in my ideas. I shall expect a long letter +from you which will have on me the effect of water on a thirsty land. + + +PARIS, _September 11th_, 1846. + +I wish that I could comment on each line of your letter which I +received an hour ago, and communicate the many different reflections +which it awakens in me. But I am so hard at work that this is +impossible. I cannot refrain, however, from committing to paper the +principal points upon which it is important that we should come to an +immediate understanding. + +It grieved me very much to read that there was henceforward a gulf +fixed between your beliefs and mine. It is not so--we believe the same +things; you in one form, I in another. The orthodox are too concrete, +they set so much store by facts and by mere trifles. Remember the +definition given of Christianity by the Proconsul (_ni fallor_) spoken +of in the Acts of the Apostles, "Touching one Jesus, which was dead, +and whom Paul declared to be alive." Be upon your guard against +reducing the question to such paltry terms. Now I ask of you can the +belief in any special fact, or rather the manner of appreciating and +criticising this fact, affect a man's moral worth? Jesus was much more +of a philosopher in this respect than the Church. + +You will say that it is God's will we should believe these trifles, +inasmuch as He had revealed them. My answer is, prove that this is +so. I am not very partial to the method of proving one's case by +objections. But you have not a proof which can stand the test of +psychological or historical criticism. Jesus alone can stand it. But +He is as much with me as with you. To be a Platonist is it necessary +that one should adore Plato and believe in all he says? + +I know of no writers more foolish than all your modern apologists; +they have no elevation of mind, and there is not an atom of criticism +in their heads. There are a few who have more perspicacity, but they +do not face the question. + +You will say to me, as I have heard it said in the seminary (it is +characteristic of the seminary that this should be the invariable +answer), "You must not judge the intrinsic value of evidence by +the defective way in which it is offered. To say, 'We have not got +vigorous men but we might have them,' does not touch intrinsic truth." +My answer to this is: 1st, good evidence, especially in historical +critique, is always good, no matter in what form it may be adduced; +2nd, if the cause was really a good one, we should have better +advocates to class among the orthodox: + +1. The men of quick intelligence, not without a certain amount +of finesse, but superficial. These can hold their own better; but +orthodoxy repudiates their system of defence, so that we need not take +them into account. + +2. Men whose minds are debased, aged drivellers. They are strictly +orthodox. + +3. Those who believe only through the heart, like children, without +going into all this network of apologetics. I am very fond of them, +and from an ideal point of view I admire them; but as we are dealing +with a question of critique they do not count. From the moral point of +view, I should be one with them. + +There are others who cannot be defined, who are unbelievers unknown to +themselves. Incredulity enters into their principles, but they do not +push these principles to their logical consequences. Others believe +in a rhetorical way, because their favourite authors have held this +opinion, which is a sort of classical and literary religion. They +believe in Christianity as the Sophists of the decadence believed +in paganism. I am sorry that I have not the time to complete this +classification. + +You mistrust individual reason when it endeavours to draw up a system +of life. Very good, give me a better system, and I will believe in +it. I follow up mine because I have not got a better one, and I often +mutiny against it. + +I am very indifferent with regard to the outward position in which all +this will land me; I shall not attempt to give myself any fixed place. +If I happen to get placed, well and good. If I meet with any who share +my views we shall make common cause; if not, I must go alone. I am +very egotistical; left wholly to myself, I am quite indifferent to the +views of other people. I hope to earn bread and cheese. The people who +do not get to know me well class me as one of those with whom I have +nothing in common; so much the worse, they will be all in the wrong. + +In order to gain influence one must rally to a flag and be dogmatic. +So much the better for those who have the heart for it. I prefer to +keep my thoughts to myself and to avoid saying the thing which is not. + +If by one of those revulsions which have already occurred this way +of putting things comes into favour, so much the better. People +will rally to me, but I must decline to mix myself up with all this +riffraff, I might have added another category to the classification +I made just now: that of the people who look upon action as the most +important thing of all, and treat Christianity as a means of action. +They are men of commonplace intelligence compared to the thinker. The +latter is the Jupiter Olympius, the spiritual man who is the judge +of all things and who is judged of none. That the simple possess +much that is true I can readily believe, but the shape in which they +possess it cannot satisfy him whose reason is in proper proportion +with his other faculties. This faculty eliminates, discusses, and +refines, and it is impossible to quench it. I would only too gladly +have done so if I could. With regard to the _cupio omnes fieri_, my +ideas are as follows. I do not apply it to my liberty. One should, as +far as possible, so place oneself as to be ready to 'bout ship when +the wind of faith shifts. And it will shift in a lifetime! How often +must depend upon the length of that lifetime. Any kind of tie renders +this more difficult. One shows more respect to truth by maintaining a +position which enables one to say to her, "Take me whither thou wilt; +I am ready to go." A priest cannot very well say this. He must be +endowed with something more than courage to draw back. If, having gone +so far, he does not become celestial, he is repulsive; and this is +so true that I cannot instance a single good pattern of the kind, not +even M. de Lamennais. He must therefore march ever onward, and bluntly +declare, "I shall always see things in the same light as I have seen +them, and I shall never see them in a different light." Would life be +endurable for an hour if one had to say that? + +With regard to the matter of M. A----, and putting all personal +consideration upon one side, my syllogism is as follows. One must never +swear to anything of which one is not absolutely sure. Now one is never +sure of not modifying one's beliefs at some future time, however certain +one may be of the present and of the past. Therefore ... I, too, would +have sworn at one time, and yet.... + +What you say of the antagonists of Christianity is very true. I have, +as it happens, incidentally made some rather curious researches upon +this point which, when completed, might form a somewhat interesting +narrative entitled _History of Incredulity in Christianity_. The +consequences would appear triumphant to the orthodox, and especially +the first, viz., that Christianity has rarely been attacked hitherto +except in the name of immorality and of the abject doctrines of +materialism--by blackguards in so many words. This is a fact, and I +am prepared to prove it. But it admits, I think, of an explanation. In +those days, people were bound to believe in religions. It was the law +at that time, and those who did not believe placed themselves outside +the general order. It is time that another order began. I believe +too that it has begun, and the last generation in Germany furnished +several admirable specimens of it: Kant, Herder, Jacobi, and even +Goethe. + +Forgive me for writing to you in this strain. But I do for you what +I am not doing for those who are dearest to me in the world, to my +sister, for instance, to whom I yesterday wrote less than half a page, +so overburdened am I with work. I solace myself with the anticipation +of the conversation which we shall have after my examination, for I +mean to take a holiday then. There is, however, much that I should +like to write to you about what you tell me of yourself. There, too, I +should attempt to refute you, and with more show of being entitled +to do so. Let me tell you that there are certain things the mere +conception of which entails one's being called upon to realise them. + +Good-bye, my very dear friend.... Believe in the sincerity of my +affection. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RECOLLECTIONS OF MY YOUTH*** + + +******* This file should be named 12748.txt or 12748.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/1/2/7/4/12748 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. 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