diff options
Diffstat (limited to '12467-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/12467-h.htm | 1907 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/169.png | bin | 0 -> 42625 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/170.png | bin | 0 -> 198347 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/171.png | bin | 0 -> 63859 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/172.png | bin | 0 -> 30124 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/173.png | bin | 0 -> 22225 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/174.png | bin | 0 -> 177389 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/175.png | bin | 0 -> 264413 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/177.png | bin | 0 -> 80988 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/178.png | bin | 0 -> 254710 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/179.png | bin | 0 -> 161947 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/180-1.png | bin | 0 -> 14161 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/180-2.png | bin | 0 -> 18099 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12467-h/images/180-3.png | bin | 0 -> 7768 bytes |
14 files changed, 1907 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/12467-h/12467-h.htm b/12467-h/12467-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e9f6153 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/12467-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1907 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" /> + + <title>Punch, October 11, 1890.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + + <!-- + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + pre {font-size: 0.7em;} + + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} + + .note + {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + span.pagenum + {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + + .poem + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i14 {margin-left: 7em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft + {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + + .footnote {font-size: 0.9em; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 10%;} + + .side { float:right; + font-size: 75%; + width: 25%; + padding-left:10px; + border-left: dashed thin; + margin-left: 10px; + text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; + font-weight: bold; + font-style: italic;} + --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> + +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12467 ***</div> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 99.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>October 11, 1890.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page169" + id="page169"></a>[pg 169]</span> + + <h2>MODERN TYPES.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>By Mr. Punch's own Type Writer.</i>)</h4> + + <h3>No. XX.—THE DIVORCÉE.</h3> + + <p>The Court over which Sir JAMES HANNEN presides was + instituted for the purification of morals by the separation of + ill-assorted couples. Matrimonial errors, which had hitherto + stood upon the level of political grievances, capable of + redress only after the careful and unbiassed attention of + British legislators had been, at much expense both of time and + money, devoted to them, were henceforth to form the subject of + a special procedure in a division of the Courts of Law created + for the purpose, and honestly calculated to bring separation + and divorce within the reach even of the most modest incomes. + The tyrant man, as usual, favoured himself by the rules he laid + down for the playing of the game. For whereas infidelity on the + part of the wife is held to be, in itself, a sufficient cause + for pronouncing a decree in favour of the husband, a kind, + though constantly unfaithful husband, is protected from + divorce, and only punished by separation from the wife he has + wronged. It is necessary for a man to add either cruelty or + desertion to his other offence, in order that his wife may + obtain from the laws of her country the opportunity of marrying + someone else. But the wit of woman has proved equal to the + emergency. Nowhere, it may be safely stated, have more tales of + purely imaginative atrocity been listened to with greater + attention, or with more favourable results, than in the Divorce + Court. On an incautious handshake a sprained wrist and an arm + bruised into all the colours of the rainbow have been not + infrequently grafted. A British imprecation, and a banged door, + have often become floods of invective and a knock-down blow; + and a molehill of a pinch has, under favourable cultivation, + been developed into a mountain of ill-treatment, on the top of + which a victorious wife has in the end, triumphantly planted + the banner of freedom.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:40%;"> + <a href="images/169.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/169.png" + alt="The Divorcée." /></a> + </div> + + <p>Hence the Divorce Court, after some years of suspicion, has + gradually come to be looked upon as one of the sacred + institutions of the country. And, speaking generally, those who + make use of its facilities, however much certain of the more + strait-laced may frown, are considered by society at large to + have done a thing which is surprisingly right and often + enviable. The result at any rate is that the number of the + divorced increases year by year, and that a lady whose failings + have been established against her by a judicial decree, may be + quite sure of a hand of ardent sympathisers of both sexes, + amongst whom she can hold her head as high as her inclination + prompts her without exciting a larger number of spiteful + comments than are allotted to her immaculate and undecreed + sisters. She may not have been able to abide the question of + the Counsel who cross-examined her, but she is certainly free, + even in a wider sense than before. She may not, perhaps, stand + on so lofty a social pinnacle as the merely-separated lady + whose husband still lives, and to whose male friends the fact + that she in practically husbandless, and at the same time + disabled from marriage, gives a delightful sense both of zest + and security. On the other hand, the separated lady must be to + a certain extent circumspect, lest she should place a weapon + for further punishment in the hands of her husband. But to the + Divorcée all things apparently, are permitted.</p> + + <p>When she left the Court in which, to use her own words, "all + her budding hopes had been crushed by the triumph of + injustice," the beautiful Divorcée (for in order to be + truly typical the Divorcée is necessarily beautiful) + might have proceeded immediately to plant them afresh in the + old soil. The various gentlemen who had sustained their + reputation as men of honour by tampering on her behalf and on + their own, with the strict letter of the truth, naturally felt + that the boldness of their denials entitled them to her lasting + regard, and showed themselves ready to aid her with their + counsel. But, though she never ceased to protest her innocence + of all that had been laid to her charge and proved against her, + she was sufficiently sensible to give them to understand that + for a time, at least, her path in the world would be easier if + they ceased to accompany her. They accepted the sentence of + banishment with a good grace, knowing perfectly well that it + was not for long. The Divorcée then withdrew from the + flaming placards of the daily papers, on which she had figured + during the past week, and betook herself to the seclusion of + her bijou residence in the heart of the most fashionable + quarter. Here she pondered for a short time upon the doubtful + unkindness of fate which had deprived her of a husband whom she + despised, and of a home which his presence had made + insupportable. But she soon roused herself to face her new lack + of responsibility, and to enjoy it. At first, she moved + cautiously. There were numerous sympathisers who urged her to + defy the world, such as it is, and to show herself everywhere + entirely careless of what people might say. Such conduct might + possibly have been successful, but the Divorcée foresaw + a possible risk to her reputation, and abstained. She began, + therefore, by making her public appearances infrequent. In + company with the devoted widow, whose evidence had almost saved + her from an adverse verdict, she arranged placid tea-parties at + which the casual observer might have imagined that the rules of + social decorum were more strictly enforced than in the + household of an archbishop. Inquiry, however, might have + revealed the fact that a large proportion of the ladies present + at these gatherings had either shaken off the matrimonial + shackles, or proposed to do so, whether as plaintiffs or as + defendants, whenever a favourable opportunity presented itself. + The men, too, who were, after a time, admitted to these staid + feasts, were not altogether archiepiscopal, though they behaved + as they were dressed, quite irreproachably. To counter-balance + them to some extent, the Divorcée determined to secure + the presence and the countenance of a clergyman.</p> + + <p>After some search, she discovered one who was enthusiastic, + deficient in worldly knowledge, and susceptible. To him she + related her own private version of her wrongs, which she + seasoned with quite a pretty flow of tears. The amiable cleric + yielded without a struggle, and readily placed at her service + the protection of his white tie. Thus strengthened, she moved + forward a little further. She revisited theatres; she was heard + of at Clubs; she shone again at dinner-parties, and in a year + or so had organised for herself a social circle which entirely + satisfied her desires. Sometimes she even allowed herself to + dabble in good works. She was accused of having written a + religious poem for a serious Magazine; but all that was ever + proved against her was, that a remarkable series of articles on + <i>The Homes of the Poor</i> bore traces of a style that was + said to be hers. Evil tongues still whispered in corners, and + cynics were heard to scoff occasionally; but the larger world, + which abhors cynics, and only believes what is good, began to + smile upon her. She did not appear to value its + smiles,—but they were useful. Whenever London tired her, + she flitted to Paris, or to the Riviera, or even to Egypt or + Algiers. She subscribed to charities, and acted in Amateur + Theatricals. Finally, she married a gentleman who was believed + by his friends to be a poet, and who certainly qualified for + the title by the romance he had woven about her. With him she + lived for many years a poetic and untrammelled existence, and, + when she died, many dowagers sent wreaths as tokens of their + sorrow at the loss of an admirable woman.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>VERSES FOR A VIOLINIST.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>"The violin has now fairly taken its place as an + instrument for girls."—<i>Daily News</i>.</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>In old days of Art the painter much applause would + surely win,</p> + + <p>When he showed us Saint Cecilia playing on the + violin.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I've no skill of brush and palette like those + unforgotten men;</p> + + <p>My Cecilia must content herself with an unworthy + pen.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Fairy fingers flash before me as the bow sweeps o'er + each string;</p> + + <p>Like the organ's <i>vox humana</i>, Hark! the + instrument can sing.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>That <i>sonata</i> of TARTINI's in my ears will + linger long;</p> + + <p>It might be some <i>prima donna</i> scaling all the + heights of song.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Every string a different language speaks beneath her + skilful sway.</p> + + <p>Does the shade of PAGANINI hover over her + to-day?</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>All can feel the passion throbbing through the music + fraught with pain:</p> + + <p>Then, with feminine mutation, comes a soft and + tender strain.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Gracious curve of neck, and fiddle tucked 'neath + that entrancing chin—</p> + + <p>Fain with you would I change places, O thrice happy + violin!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page170" + id="page170"></a>[pg 170]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <h2>THE TOURNEY.</h2>["Golf is superseding + Lawn-Tennis."—<i>Daily + Paper</i>.]<a href="images/170.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/170.png" + alt="The Tourney." /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The Champions are mounted, a wonderful pair,</p> + + <p class="i2">And the boldest who sees them must e'en + hold his breath.</p> + + <p>Their breastplates and greaves glitter bright in the + air;</p> + + <p class="i2">They have sworn ere they met they would + fight to the death.</p> + + <p>And the heart of the Queen of the Tournament + sinks</p> + + <p>At the might of Sir GOLF, the Red Knight of the + Links.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>But her Champion, Sir TENNIS, the Knight of the + Lawn,</p> + + <p class="i2">At the throne of the lady who loves him + bows low:</p> + + <p>He fears not the fight, for his racket is drawn,</p> + + <p class="i2">And he spurs his great steed as he + charges the foe.</p> + + <p>And the sound of his war-cry is heard in the + din,</p> + + <p>"Fifteen, thirty, forty, deuce, vantage, I win!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>But the Red Knight, Sir GOLF, smiles a smile that is + grim,</p> + + <p class="i2">And a flash as of triumph has mantled his + cheek;</p> + + <p>And he shouts, "I would scorn to be vanquished by + <i>him</i>,</p> + + <p class="i2">With my driver, my iron, my niblick and + cleek.</p> + + <p>Now, TENNIS, I have thee; I charge from the Tee,</p> + + <p>To the deuce with thy racket, thy scoring, and + thee!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And the ladies all cry, "Oh, Sir TENNIS, our + own,</p> + + <p class="i2">Drive him back whence he came to his + bunkers and gorse."</p> + + <p>And the men shake their heads, for Sir TENNIS seems + blown,</p> + + <p class="i2">There are cracks in his armour, and + wounds on his horse.</p> + + <p>But the Umpire, Sir PUNCH, as he watches says, + "Pooh!</p> + + <p>Let them fight and be friends; <i>there is room for + the two</i>."</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page171" + id="page171"></a>[pg 171]</span> + + <h2>A LAMB-LIKE GAMBOL.</h2> + + <p>Some little time ago we noticed with great satisfaction, + that the Committee of the Sunday School Union had advertised in + the <i>Athenæum</i> for the "best Tale on Gambling," for + which they were anxious to pay One Hundred Pounds sterling. The + principal "condition" that the C.S.S.U. attached to their + competition was that "the tale must be drawn as far as possible + from actual life, and must vividly depict the evils of + gambling, setting forth its ruinous effects sociably and + morally on the young people of our land." Perhaps the following + short story may serve as a model to the candidates. This + romance must be considered "outside the competition." Here it + is.</p> + + <h3>PLEASANT POVERTY BETTER THAN WICKED WEALTH!</h3> + + <p>PETER was a good boy. He went to Sunday school regularly, + and always took off his hat to his superiors—he so + objected to gambling that he never called them "betters." One + day PETER found a sovereign, and fearing, lest it might be a + gilded jubilee shilling, decided to spend it upon himself, + rather than run the risk of possibly causing the Police to put + it in circulation, under the impression that it was a coin of + the higher value. He spent ten shillings on a ticket to + Boulogne-sur-Mer, and with the remaining half-sovereign played + at <i>Chemin de Fer</i> at the Casino. And, alas! this was his + first straying from the path of virtue. Unfortunately he was + most unlucky (from a moral point of view) in his venture, + leaving the tables with a sum exceeding forty pounds. Feeling + reluctant that money so ill-gained should remain for very long + in his possession, he spent a large slice of it in securing a + ticket for Monte Carlo.</p> + + <p>Arrived at this dreadful place he backed Zero fifteen times + running, was unhappy enough to break the bank, and retired to + rest with over ten thousand pounds. He now decided, that he had + best return to England, where he felt sure he would be safe + from further temptation.</p> + + <p>When he was once more in London, he could not make up his + mind whether he should contribute his greatly scorned fortune + to the Committee of the Sunday School Union, or plank his last + dollar on a rank outsider for a place in the Derby. From a + feeling of delicacy, he adopted the latter course, and was + indescribably shocked to pull off his fancy at Epsom. Thinking + that the Committee of the same useful body would refuse to + receive money obtained under such painful circumstances, he + plunged deeply on the Stock Exchange, and again added + considerably to his much-hated store. It was at this period in + his history that he married, and then the punishment he had so + justly merited overtook him. His wife was a pushing young + woman, whose great delight was to see her name in the Society + papers. This pleasure she managed to secure by taking a large + house, and giving costly entertainments to all sorts and + conditions of individuals. Poor PETER soon found this mode of + life intolerably wearisome. He now never knew an hour's peace, + until one day he determined to run away from home, leaving in + the hands of his wife all that he possessed. His absence made + no perceptible difference in Mrs. PETER's <i>ménage</i>. + It was generally supposed that he was living abroad. However, + on one winter night there was a large gathering at his wife's + house, and, it being very cold, the guests eagerly availed + themselves of the services of the linkman, who had told himself + off to fetch their carriages.</p> + + <p>And, when everyone was gone, the poor linkman asked the + mistress of the house for some broken victuals.</p> + + <p>"Good gracious!" exclaimed that Lady, "if it isn't my + husband! What do you mean, PETER, by so disgracing me?"</p> + + <p>"Disgrace you!—not I!" returned PETER. "No one + recognises me. Of all the guests that throng my house, and eat + my suppers, I don't believe there is a solitary individual who + knows me by sight."</p> + + <p>And PETER was right. Ah, how much better would it have been + had PETER remained at school, and not found that sovereign! Had + he remained at school, he would some day have acquired a mass + of information that would have been of immense assistance to + him when his father died, and he succeeded to the paternal + broom, and the right of sweep over the family + street-crossing!</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:60%;"> + <a href="images/171.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/171.png" + alt="" /></a> + + <h3>TOO MUCH GENIUS.</h3> + + <p><i>Poet</i>. "OH—A—I ALWAYS WRITE MY POEMS + RIGHT OFF, WITHOUT ANY CORRECTIONS, YOU KNOW, AND SEND THEM + STRAIGHT TO THE PRINTER. I NEVER LOOK AT 'EM A SECOND + TIME."</p> + + <p><i>Critic</i>. "NO MORE DO YOUR READERS, MY BOY!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.</h2> + + <p>OSTRICH "FARMING."—We are afraid we cannot give you + any sound or useful information to assist you in your project + of keeping an ostrich-farm in a retired street in Bayswater; + but that you should have already received a consignment of + fifty "fine, full-grown birds," and managed, with the aid of + five railway porters, and all the local police available, to + get them from the van in which they arrived up two flights of + stairs, and locate them temporarily in your back drawing-room, + augurs at least for a good start to your undertaking. That + three should have escaped, and, after severely kicking the + Vicar, who happened to be dining with you, terrified the whole + neighbourhood, and effected an entrance into an adjacent + public-house, where they appear to have done a good deal of + damage to the glass and crockery, upsetting a ten-gallon cask + of gin, and frightening the barmaid into a fit of hysterics, + being only finally captured by the device of getting a + coal-sack over their heads, was, after all, but a slight + <i>contretemps</i>, and not one to be taken into account when + measured against the grand fact that you have got <i>all your + birds safely lodged for the night</i>. A little arnica, and a + fortnight in bed, will, in all probability, set the Vicar all + right. With regard to their food, we should advise you to + continue the tinned lobster and muffins, which they seem to + relish. You appear to be alarmed at their swallowing the tins. + There is no occasion for any anxiety on this point, the tin, + doubtless, serving as the proverbial "digestive" pebble with + which all birds, we believe, accompany a hearty meal. We fear + we cannot enlighten you as to how you make your profits out of + an ostrich-farm; but, speaking at random, we should say they + would probably arise by pulling the feathers out of the tails + of the birds and selling them to Court Milliners. Your idea of + trying them in harness in a Hansom seems to have something in + it. Turn it over, by all means. Meantime, get a Shilling + Handbook on the Management of the Ostrich. We think you will + have to cover in your garden with a tarpaulin as you suggest. + You cannot expect the fifty birds to stay for ever in your back + drawing-room; and the fact that you mention, of their having + already kicked down and eaten one folding-door, is significant. + They will be escaping from your balcony all over the + neighbourhood if you do not take care to secure them; and as + they seem fresh, very aggressive, and strong in the leg, such a + catastrophe might lead you into a good deal of unpleasantness. + Take our advice, and get them downstairs, tight under a stout + tarpaulin, as soon as possible.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page172" + id="page172"></a>[pg 172]</span> + + <h2>HOW IT'S DONE.</h2> + + <h4><i>A Handbook to Honesty.</i></h4> + + <h3>No. I.—"I'M MONARCH OF ALL I <i>SURVEY</i>!"</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>Interior of newly-erected building. + Present, the</i> Builder <i>and a</i> Surveyor, <i>the + former looking timidly foxy, the latter knowingly pompous, + and floridly self-important;</i> Builder, <i>in dusty suit + of dittoes, carries one hand in his breeches-pocket, where + he chinks certain metallic substances—which may be + coins or keys—nervously and intermittently</i>. + Surveyor, <i>a burly mass of broadcloth and big + watch-chain, carries an intimidating note-book, and a + menacing pencil, making mems. in a staccato and stabbing + fashion, which is singularly nerve-shaking.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>speaking with his pencil in his + mouth</i>). Well, Mister—er—er—WOTSERNAME, + I—er—think—'m, 'm, 'm—things seem to be + <i>pretty</i> right as far's I can see; though of + course—</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i> (<i>hastily</i>). Oh, I assure you I've taken + the <i>greatest</i> pains to conform to—er—rules + in—er—in <i>every</i> way; though if there + <i>should</i> be any little thing that ketches your eye, why, + you've only to—</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:45%;"> + <a href="images/172.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/172.png" + alt="Builder and Surveyor." /></a> + </div> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i>. Oh, of course, of course! <i>We</i> know + all about that. You see <i>I</i> can only go by rule. What's + right's right; what's wrong's wrong; that's about the size of + it. <i>I've</i> nothing to do with it, one way or another, + except to see the law carried out.</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i>. Ex-ack-ly! However, if you've seen all you + want to, we may as well step over to the "Crown and Thistle," + and—</p> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>suddenly</i>). By the way, I suppose + this wall is properly underpinned?</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i> (<i>nervously</i>). Well—er—not + exackly—but, 'er, 'er—well, the fact is I + thought—</p> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>sternly</i>). What you <i>thought</i>, + Sir, doesn't affect the matter. The question is, what the + Building Act <i>says</i>. The whole thing must come down!</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i>. But, I say, that'll run me into ten pounds, + at least, and really the thing's as safe as—</p> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i>. Maybe, maybe—in fact, I don't say it + isn't. But the Act says it's got to be done.</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i>. Well, well, if there's no help for it, I + must <i>do</i> it, of course.</p> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>looking somehow disappointed</i>). Very + sorry, of course, but you see what must be must.</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i> (<i>sadly</i>). Yes, yes, no doubt. Well + (<i>brightening</i>), anyhow, we may as well step over to the + "Crown and Thistle," and crack a bottle of champagne.</p> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>also brightening</i>). Well, ours is a + dusty job, and I don't care if I do.</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>They do so</i>. Surveyor <i>drinks his full share of + Heidsieck, and smokes a cigar of full size and flavour. He + and</i> Builder <i>exchange reminiscences concerning past + professional experiences, the "tricks of trade," diverse + devices for "dodging the Act," &c., &c.</i> + Surveyor <i>explains how stubborn builders ("not like</i> + you, <i>you know"), who don't do the thing handsome, often + suffer by having to run themselves to expenses that might + have been avoided—and serve 'em right too! Also, how + others, without a temper above "tips," and of a generally + gentlemanly tone of mind, save themselves lots of little + extras, which, maybe, the letter of the law would exact, + but which a</i> Surveyor <i>of sense and good feeling can + get over, "and no harm done, neither, to nobody." As the + wine circulates, it is noticeable that good-fellowship + grows almost boisterous, and facetiousness mellows into + chuckling cynicism of the winking, waggish, "we all do it" + sort.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>tossing off last glass, and smacking his + lips</i>). Well, well, the best of friends must part, and I + guess I must be toddling. Very glad to have met you, I'm sure, + and a better bit of building than yours yonder I haven't seen + for some time. Seems a pity, hanged if it don't, that you + should have to put yourself to such an additional + outlay—ah, by the way, <i>what</i> did you say it would + cost you?</p> + + <p><i>Builder</i>. Oh, about ten pounds, I suppose.</p> + + <p><i>Surveyor</i> (<i>lighting another cigar</i>). Humph! + (<i>Puff' puff!</i>) Pity—pity! (<i>Puff! puff!</i>) Now + look here, my boy—(<i>confidentially</i>)—suppose + you and me just divide that tenner between us, five to you, and + five to me; and, as to the "underpinning"—well, nobody'll + be a bit the wiser, and the building won't be a halfpenny the + worse, <i>I'll</i> bet my boots. Come, is it a bargain?</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>After a little beating about the bush, the little + "job" is arranged amicably, on the practical basis of "a + fiver each, and mum's the word on both sides," thus evading + the law, saving the</i> Builder <i>a few pounds, and + supplementing the salary of the</i> Surveyor. <i>Ulterior + results, unsanitary or otherwise, do not come within the + compass of this sketch.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <h2>STRANGER THAN FICTION!</h2> + + <h4>(<i>Postmarks—Leeds, Hull, and Elsewhere.</i>)</h4> + + <p>Mr. Punch was assisting at a Congress. The large room in + which that Congress was being held was crowded, and + consequently the heat was oppressive. The speeches, too, were + not particularly interesting, and the Sage became drowsy. It + was fortunate, therefore, that a fair maiden in a classical + garb (who suddenly appeared seated beside him) should have + addressed him. The interruption reassembled in their proper + home his wandering senses.</p> + + <p>"I fear, <i>Mr. Punch</i>," said the fair maiden, looking at + herself in a small mirror which she was holding in her right + hand, "that you are inclined to go to sleep."</p> + + <p>"Well, I am," replied the Sage, with unaccountable + bluntness; "truth to tell, these orations about nothing in + particular, spouted by persons with an imperfect knowledge of, + I should say, almost any subject, bore me."</p> + + <p>"The information is unnecessary," observed the young lady; + with a smile. "I share your feelings. But if you will be so + kind as to pay a little attention to the speakers while they + are under my influence, I think you will discover a new + interest in their utterances."</p> + + <p>"Are you an hypnotist, Madam?" asked <i>Mr. Punch</i>.</p> + + <p>"Well, not exactly. But, when I have the chance, I can make + people speak the Truth."</p> + + <p>Then <i>Mr. Punch</i> listened, and was surprised at the + strange things that next happened.</p> + + <p>"I wish to be perfectly frank with you," said a gentleman on + the platform; "I am here because I wish to see my name in the + papers, and all the observations I have made up to date have + been addressed to the reporters. I am glad I can control my + thoughts, because I would not for worlds let you know the + truth. It is my ambition to figure as a philanthropist, and on + my word, I think this is the cheapest and most effective mode + of carrying out my intention."</p> + + <p>Then the gentleman resumed his seat with a smile that + suggested that he was under the impression that he had just + delivered himself of sentiments bound to extort universal + admiration.</p> + + <p>"That is not exactly my case," observed a second speaker, + "because I do not care two pins for anything save the + entertainments which are invariably associated with scientific + research, or philanthropical inquiry. I pay my guinea, after + considerable delay, and then expect to take out five times that + amount in grudgingly bestowed, but competitionally provoked (if + I may be pardoned the expression) hospitality. I attend a + portion—a small portion—of a lecture, and then + hurry off to the nearest free luncheon, or gratuitous dinner, + in the neighbourhood. I should be a tax upon my friends if I + dropped in at half-past one, or at a quarter to eight, + punctually, and my motives would be too wisely interpreted to a + desire on my part to reduce the sum total of my butcher's book. + So I merely drop in upon a place where a Congress is being + held, and make the most of my membership."</p> + + <p>"These startling statements are decidedly unconventional," + said <i>Mr. Punch</i>, turning towards his fair companion, "and + that your influence should cause them to be made, astounds me. + I trust you will not consider me indiscreet if I ask + for—"</p> + + <p>"My name and address," returned the fair maiden, smilingly, + completing the sentence; "Learn, then, that I live at the + bottom of a well, to which rather damp resting-place I am about + to return; and that in England I am called Truth."</p> + + <p>And as the lady disappeared, <i>Mr. Punch</i> fell from his + chair, and awoke!</p> + + <p>"Dear me, I have been dreaming!" exclaimed the Sage, as he + left the meeting. "Well, as everyone knows, dreams are not in + the least like reality! But the strangest thing of all was to + find Truth in a Congress!"</p> + + <p>And it was strange, indeed.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page173" + id="page173"></a>[pg 173]</span> + + <h2>AT THE THEATRE!</h2> + + <h4><i>The Lyceum again. The Haymarket once more.</i></h4> + + <p>"Great Scott!" we exclaim,—not Critical CLEMENT of + that ilk, but Sir WALTER,—on again seeing + <i>Ravenswood</i>. Since then an alteration in the <i>modus + shootendi</i> has been made, and <i>Edgar</i> no longer takes a + pot-shot at the bull from the window, but, ascertaining from + <i>Sir William Ashton Bishop</i> that <i>Ellen Lucy Terry</i> + is being Terryfied by an Irish bull which has got mixed up with + the Scotch "herd without," <i>Henry Edgar Irving</i> rushes + off, gun in hand; then the report of the gun is, like the + Scotch oxen, also "<i>heard</i> without," and <i>Henry</i> + reappears on the scene, having saved <i>Ellen Lucy Ashton</i> + by reducing the fierce bull to potted beef.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:25%;"> + <a href="images/173.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/173.png" + alt="Mr. Punch at the Theatre." /></a> + </div> + + <p>"What shall he have who kills the bull?" "The Dear! the + Dear!" meaning, of course, <i>Ellen Lucy Ashton</i> aforesaid. + After this all goes well. Acting excellent all round—or + nearly all round, the one exception being, however, the very + much "all-round" representative of <i>Lady Ashton</i>, whose + misfortune it is to have been selected for this particular + part. Scenery lovely, and again and again must HAWES MCCHAVEN + be congratulated on the beautiful scene of The Mermaiden's Well + (never better, in fact), Act III. The love-making bit in this + Act is charming, and the classic Sibyl, <i>Ailsie</i>, superb. + Nothing in stage effect within our memory has equalled the + pathos of the final <i>tableau</i>. It is most touching through + its extreme simplicity.</p> + + <p>The Haymarket has re-opened with the odd mixture of the + excellent French <i>Abbé Constantin</i> and the weak, + muddle-headed, Tree-and-Grundy-ised "village Priest," known as + the <i>Abbé Dubois</i>, or "<i>Abbé Do Bore</i>," + as 'ARRY might call him. Changes are in contemplation, and may + have been already announced. Whatever they may be, it is some + consolation to learn that this Tree-and-Grundy-ised French + Abbé is not likely to be a "perpetual Curate."</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>MR. PUNCH'S PRIZE NOVELS.</h2> + + <h3>No. II.—BURRA MURRA BOKO.</h3> + + <h4>(<i>By</i> KIPPIERD HERRING, <i>Author of "Soldiers' Tea," + "Over the Darodees," "Handsome Heads on the Valets," "More + Black than White," "Experimental Dittos," &c., + &c.</i>)</h4> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[NOTE.—The MS. of this story arrived from India by + pneumatic despatch, a few puffs having been apparently + sufficient. In a letter which was enclosed with it the + author modestly apologises for its innumerable merits. + "But," he adds, "I have several hundred of the same sort in + stock, and can supply them at a moment's notice. Kindly + send £1000 in Bank of England notes, by registered + letter, to K. HERRING. No farther address will be + required."]</p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Polla dan anta cat anta.</i> What will you have, Sahib? + My heart is made fat, and my eyes run with the water of joy. + <i>Kni vestog rind. Scis sorstog rind</i>, the Sahib is as a + brother to the needy, and the afflicted at the sound of his + voice become as a warming-pan in a <i>fôr postah</i>. + Ahoo! Ahoo! I have lied unto the Sahib. <i>Mi ais an dlims</i>, + I am a servant of sin. <i>Burra Murra Boko! Burra Murra + Boko!</i></p> + + <p>There came a sound in the night as of an elephant-herd + trumpeting in anger, and my liver was dissolved, and the heart + within me became as a <i>Patoph But'ah</i> under the noon-day + sun. I made haste, for there was fear in the air, Sahib, and + the <i>Pleez Mahn</i> that walketh by night was upon me. But, + oh, Sahib, the cunning of the serpent was with me, and as he + passed I tripped him up, and the raging river received him. + Twice he rose, and the gleam of his eyes spake in vain for + help. And at last there came a bubble where the man had been, + and he was seen no more. <i>Burra Murra Boko! Burra Murra + Boko!</i></p> + + <p>That night I spake unto her as she stood in the moonlight. + "Oh, sister of an oil-jar, and daughter of pig-troughs, what is + it thou hast done?" And she, laughing, spake naught in reply, + but gave me the <i>Tcheke Slahp</i> of her tribe, and her + fingers fell upon my face, and my teeth rattled within my + mouth. But I, for my blood was made hot within me, sped swiftly + from her, making no halt, and the noise of fifty thousand + devils was in my ears, and the rage of the <i>Smâk + duns</i> burnt fierce within the breast of me, and my tongue + was as a fresh fig that grows upon a southern wall. + <i>Auggrh!</i> pass me the peg, for my mouth is dry. <i>Burra + Murra Boko! Burra Murra Boko!</i> Then came the Yunkum Sahib, + and the Bunkum Sahib, and they spake awhile together. But I, + like unto a <i>Brerra-bit</i>, lay low, and my breath came + softly, and they knew not that I watched them as they spake. + And they joked much together, and told each to the other how + that the wives of their friends were to them as mice in the + sight of the crouching <i>Tabbikat</i>, and that the honour of + a man was as sand, that is blown afar by the storm-wind of the + desert, which maketh blind the faithful, and stoppeth their + mouths. Such are all of them, Sahib, since I that speak unto + you know them for what they are, and thus I set forth the tale + that all men may read, and understand. <i>Burra Murra Boko! + Burra Murra Boko!</i></p> + + <p>'"Twas the most ondacint bedivilmint ever I set eyes on, + Sorr. There was I, blandandhering widout"—</p> + + <p>"Pardon me," I said, "this is rather puzzling. A moment back + you were a Mahajun of Puli, in Marwur, or a Delhi Pathan, or a + Wali Dad, or something of that sort, and now you seem to have + turned into an Irishman. Can you tell me how it is done?"</p> + + <p>"Whist, ye oncivilised, backslidhering pagin!" said my + friend, Private O'RAMMIS, for it was indeed he. "Hould on there + till I've tould ye. Fwhat was I sayin'? Eyah, eyah, them was + the bhoys for the dhrink. When the sun kem out wid a blink in + his oi, an' the belly-band av his new shoot tied round him, + there was PORTERS and ATHUS lyin' mixed up wid the brandy-kegs, + and the houl of the rigimint tearin' round like all the divils + from hell bruk loose.</p> + + <p>"Thin I knew there'd be thrubble, for ye must know, Sorr, + there was a little orf'cer bhoy cryin' as tho' his little heart + was breakin', an' the Colonel's wife's sister, wid her + minowderin' voice—"</p> + + <p>"Look here, O'RAMMIS," I said, "I don't like to stop you; + but isn't it just a trifle rash—I mean," I added hastily, + for I saw him fingering his bayonet, "is it quite as wise as it + might be to use up all your materials at once? Besides, I seem + to have met that little Orf'cer bhoy and the Colonel's wife's + sister before. I merely mention it as a friend."</p> + + <p>"You let 'im go, Sir," put in PORTERS, with his cockney + accent. "Lor, Sir, TERENCE knows bloomin' well wot 'e's torkin' + about, an' wen 'e's got a story to tell you know there ain't + one o' us wot'll get a bloomin' word in; or leastways, Hi + carn't."</p> + + <p>"Sitha," added JOCK ATHUS. "I never gotten but one story + told mysen, and he joomped down my throaat for that. Let un + taalk, Sir, let un taalk."</p> + + <p>"Very well," I said, producing one of the half-dozen bottles + of champagne that I always carried in my coat-tail pockets + whenever I went up to the Barracks to visit my friend O'RAMMIS, + "very well. Fire away, TERENCE, and let us have your + story."</p> + + <p>"I'm an ould fool," continued O'RAMMIS, in a convinced tone. + "But ye know, JOCK, how 'twas. I misremember fwhat I said to + her, but she never stirred, and only luked at me wid her + melancolious ois, and wid that my arm was round her waist, for + bedad, it was pretty, she was under the moon in the ould + barrick square. 'Hould on there,' she says, 'ye boiled thief of + Deuteronomy. D'ye think I've kem here to be philandhering + afther you. I'd make a better man than you out av empty + kyartridges and putty.' Wid that she turned on her heel, and + was for marching away. But I was at her soide agin before she'd + got her left fut on the beat. 'That's quare,' thinks I to + myself; 'but, TERENCE, me bhoy, 'tis you know the thricks av + the women. Shoulder arrums,' I thinks, 'and let fly wid the + back sight.' Wid that I just squeezed her hand wid the most + dellikit av all squeezings, and, sez I, 'MARY, me darlint,' I + sez, 'ye're not vexed wid TERENCE, I know;' but you never can + tell the way av a woman, for before the words was over the + tongue av me, the bhoys kem raging an' ramshackling—"</p> + + <p>"Really, O'RAMMIS," I ventured to observe, for I noticed + that he and his two friends had pulled all the other five + bottles out of my pocket, and had finished them, "I'm a little + disappointed with you to-day. I came out here for a little + quiet blood-and-thunder before going to bed, and you are mixing + up your stories like the regimental laundress's soapsuds. It's + not right of you. Now, honestly, is it?"</p> + + <p>But the Three Musketeers had vanished. Perhaps they may + reappear, bound in blue-grey on the railway bookstalls. Perhaps + not. And the worst of it is, that the Colonel will never + understand them, and the gentlemen who write articles will + never understand them. There is only one man who knows all + about them, and even he is sometimes what my friend O'RAMMIS + calls "a blandandhering, philandhering, misundherstandhering + civilian man."</p> + + <p>Which his name is KIPPIERD HERRING. And that is perfectly + true.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>SO MUCH FOR KNOTTING'EM.—The Dean of Rochester to be + henceforth known as The Dean of Knotting'em. His new + motto,—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Whack a 'Shack'</p> + + <p>Smack on his back."</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p>Perhaps the Dean would then like to make a Moslem of the + lolloping do-nothing offender, and call him "Shackaback."</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page174" + id="page174"></a>[pg 174]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/174.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/174.png" + alt="" /></a> + + <h3>WAITING FOR THE EXPRESS. (NOUS AVONS CHANGÉ TOUT + CELA.)</h3> + + <p>FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS:—SIR GORGIUS MIDAS, LADY + MIDAS, AND GORGIUS MIDAS, ESQ., JUNR.</p> + + <p>SECOND-CLASS DITTO:—BUTLERS, FOOTMEN, GROOMS, + MAIDS, &C, OF THE HOUSE OF MIDAS.</p> + + <p>THIRD-CLASS DITTO:—THE HON. AND REV. JAMES AND + LADY SUSAN DE VERE, GENERAL SIR JOHN AND LADY HAUTCASTLE, + F. MADDER LAKE, ESQ., R.A., AND DAUGHTERS, PROFESSOR + PARALLAX, F.R.S., &C., &C., &C.</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>"HERCULES (COUNTY) CONCILIANS;"</h2> + + <h3><i>Or, "Approaching" the Hydra.</i></h3> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[The London County Council adopted the Report of a + Committee: "That the Committee be authorised to enter into + tentative negotiations with the Water Companies, for the + purpose of ascertaining upon what terms the Companies will + be prepared to dispose of their undertakings to the + Council." The Vice-Chairman (Sir T. FARRER) thought that + the Committee "would be as wax in the hands of the clever + agents of the Companies." The Chairman (Sir JOHN LUBBOCK) + was in favour of deferring the question.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>That Hydra again! Monster huge, hydro-cephalous,</p> + + <p class="i2">Haunting our city of blunders and + jobs,</p> + + <p>Born, it would seem, to bewilder and baffle us,</p> + + <p class="i2"><i>Who</i>'ll give you "one" for your + numerous nobs.</p> + + <p>Many have menaced you, some had a shy at you;</p> + + <p class="i2">SALISBURY stout, and bespectacled + CROSS,</p> + + <p>Each in his season has joined in the cry at you,</p> + + <p class="i2">Little, 'twould seem, to your damage or + loss.</p> + + <p>Still you eight-headed and lanky-limbed monster, + you</p> + + <p class="i2">Sprawl and monopolise, spread and + devour.</p> + + <p>Many assail you, but hitherto, none stir you.</p> + + <p class="i2">Say, <i>has</i> the hero arrived, and the + hour?</p> + + <p>No Infant Hercules, surely, can tackle you,</p> + + <p class="i2">Ancient abortion, with hope of + success.</p> + + <p>It needeth a true full-grown hero to shackle + you,</p> + + <p class="i2">Jupiter's son, and Alcmene's, no + less!</p> + + <p>Our civic Hercules smacks of the nursery,</p> + + <p class="i2">Not three years old, though ambitious, no + doubt;</p> + + <p><i>You</i>'ll scarce be captured by tentatives + cursory.</p> + + <p class="i2">Snared by a "motion," or scared by a + "spout,"</p> + + <p>Hera's pet, offspring of Typhon, the lion-clad</p> + + <p class="i2">Hero assailed, <i>con amore</i>; but + <i>you</i>,</p> + + <p>Callous as Behemoth, hard as an iron-clad,</p> + + <p class="i2">"Conciliation" with coldness will + view</p> + + <p>Fancy "approaching" the Hydra with honey-bait,</p> + + <p class="i2">Tempting the monster to parley and + purr!</p> + + <p>How will Monopoly look on a money-bait?</p> + + <p class="i2">Hercules, too, who would "like to + defer?"</p> + + <p>Not quite a true hard-shell hero—in + attitude—</p> + + <p class="i2">Hercules (County) Concilians looks;</p> + + <p>Thinks he to move a true Hydra to gratitude?</p> + + <p class="i2">Real Leviathan chortles at hooks!</p> + + <p>"Come, pretty Hydra! 'Agreement provisional,'</p> + + <p class="i2">Properly baited with sound + <i>L.S.D.</i>,</p> + + <p>Ought to entice you!" He's scorn and derision + all,</p> + + <p class="i2">Hydra, if true to his breed. We shall + see!</p> + + <p>Just so a groom, with the bridle behind him,</p> + + <p class="i2">Tempts a free horse with some corn in a + sieve.</p> + + <p>Will London's Hydra let "tentatives" blind him,</p> + + <p class="i2">Snap at the bait, and the tempter + believe?</p> + + <p>Or will the "hero"—in form of + Committee—</p> + + <p class="i2">Really prove wax for the Hydra to + mould?</p> + + <p>Yes, there's the club, but it's rather a pity</p> + + <p class="i2">Hercules seems a bit feeble of hold.</p> + + <p>Tentative heroes may suit modern urgency,</p> + + <p class="i2">LUBBOCK may win where a Hercules + fails.</p> + + <p>If we now hunt, upon public emergency,</p> + + <p class="i2">Stymphalian Birds, 'tis with salt for + their tails!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>"YE GODS, WHAT A TERRIBLE TWIST!"</h2> + + <p>Statistics are sweet things, and full of startling + surprises. Like the Frenchman in "<i>Killaloe</i>" "you never + know what they'll be up to next." Here, for instance, is a + "statement showing the decrease in price in the United States + of many articles within the past ten years <i>largely + consumed</i> by the agricultural community." And among these + "many articles" "largely consumed," are "mowing machines, barb + fence-wire, horseshoes, forks, wire-cloth, slop-buckets, + wheelbarrows, and putty." No wonder dyspepsia is the national + disease in America. Fancy "consuming" French staples, + pie-plates (though <i>they</i> sound almost edible), and + putty!!! The ostrich is supposed to be capable of digesting + such dainties as broken bottles, and tenpenny nails, but that + voracious fowl is evidently not "in it" with the "Agricultural + community" of America.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>ODD.—A Correspondent says he found this advertisement + in the <i>Guardian</i>:—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>RECTOR of S. Michael's, Lichfield, requires help of a + LAY-READER. Visiting, S.-school, cottage services, ass. in + choir, &c. Good salary.</p> + </blockquote> + + <p>The explanation, we believe, is, that "ass." is the + abbreviated form of "assisting." The Rector had better have the + unabbreviated assistant in choir, particularly if he be already + short of choristers; unless the Rector should be also Vicar of + Bray, in which case the "ass." could be transferred from + Lichfield to the more appropriate living.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page175" + id="page175"></a>[pg 175]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/175.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/175.png" + alt="" /></a> + + <h3>"HERCULES (COUNTY) CONCILIANS."</h3> + + <p>"The Special Committee on Water Supply, appointed by the + London County Council, said, in their Report, 'Before + entering upon the inquiry, the Committee thought it would + be desirable to approach the Water Companies with a view to + ascertaining whether it would be possible for the Companies + and the Council to make some provisional agreement as to + the terms upon which the Companies' Water undertakings + should be transferred to the Council, if Parliament gave + the necessary authority.'"—<i>The Times' + Report</i>.</p> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page177" + id="page177"></a>[pg 177]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:60%;"> + <a href="images/177.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/177.png" + alt="" /></a> + + <h3>MOSSOO IN EGYPT.</h3><i>Mr. Punch</i> (<i>to French + Guardian of Egyptian Monuments</i>). "COME, I SAY, SIR! DO + YOU CALL THIS LOOKING AFTER THE MONUMENTS? WAKE UP, OR + YOU'LL HAVE TO GO!"—<i>See "Times" Leader, Oct. 3rd, + 1890.</i> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>JOURNAL OF A ROLLING STONE.</h2> + + <h3>SEVENTH ENTRY.</h3> + + <p>To my intense surprise—shared, as far as I can see, by + all my friends and relatives—I have managed to pass the + "Bar Final"! I attribute the portentous fact to the Examiners + having discreetly avoided all reference to the "Rule in + SHELLEY's Case."</p> + + <p>Find that the Students who are going to be "called within + the Bar," have to be presented to the Benchers on one special + evening, after dinner, in Hall. Ceremony rather funereal, at + <i>my</i> Inn—but not the same at all Inns. About twenty + of us summoned one by one to the High Table; several go up + before me, and as there is a big screen I can't see what + happens to them. Only—most remarkable circumstance + this—<i>not one of them comes back</i>! Have the Benchers + decided to sternly limit the numbers of the Profession? Perhaps + they are "putting in an execution." Just thinking of escape, + when my name called out. March up to Table, determined not to + perish without a spirited resistance.</p> + + <p>To complete the idea of its being an Execution, here is the + Chaplain! Will he say a "few last words" to the + culprit—myself—prior to my being pinioned?</p> + + <p>As matter of fact, Bencher at head of Table (portly old + gentleman, who looks as if he might be described as a + "bottle-a-day-of-port-ly" old gentleman) shakes hands, coldly, + and that's all. Not even a Queen's Shilling given me, as I am + conducted off to another table close by.</p> + + <p>Mystery of disappearance of other candidates explained. Here + they are—all at this table—"all silent, and all + called"! It seems that this is the Barristers' part of the + Hall, other the Students'.</p> + + <p>Ceremony not over yet. After dinner we are invited, all + twenty, to dessert and wine with the Benchers—or rather, + at the Benchers' expense, because we don't really see and chat + with these great men, only a single representative, who + presides at table in a long bare room downstairs, resembling a + cellar. Benchers' own Common-room above. Why don't they invite + us up there? Bencher, who has come down to preside over this + entertainment, has a rather forbidding air about him. Seems to + be thinking—"I don't care much for this sort of function. + Stupid old custom. But must keep it up, I suppose, for good of + Inn; and Benchers (hang them!) have deputed <i>me</i> to take + head of the table to-night—probably because I look so + desperately lively."</p> + + <p>There <i>is</i> a sort of "disinterred liveliness" (to quote + Bishop WILBERFORCE) about him, after all. Tries to joke. No + doubt regards us all as a pack of fools to join over-crowded + profession—still, as we <i>are</i> here, he will try and + forget that, in a few years, the majority of us will probably + be starving.</p> + + <p>After an interval, Bored Bencher thinks it necessary to rise + and make little speech. Assures us + (<i>Query</i>—hyprocrisy?) that we are all extremely + likely to attain to high positions at the Bar. Says something + feebly humorous about Woolsack. Bad taste, because we can't + <i>all</i> sit on Woolsack at once; and mention of it excites + feelings of emulation, almost of animosity, towards other + new-fledged Barristers. I am conscious, for instance, of + distinct repulsion towards man on my right, who is cracking + nuts, and who must be a son or nephew of our Chairman, judging + by the familiarity with which he treats latter. Probably his + uncle will flood him with briefs—and that will be called + "making his own way in the world." Pshaw!</p> + + <p>Wine-and-dessert entertainment only lasts an hour. + Forbidding Bencher evidently feels that an hour is as much as + he can possibly stand. So we all depart, except the favoured + nephew (or son), who, as I suspect, "remains to prey" on his + uncle (or father), and probably to be invited in to the + <i>real</i> feast which no doubt the Inn worthies are enjoying + upstairs.</p> + + <p>Next morning meet a legal friend, who asks, "When are you to + be presented at Court?"</p> + + <p>"Presented at Court?"—I ask in surprise.</p> + + <p>"Yes—Court of Queen's Bench—ha! ha! You'll have + to go one of these days in wig and gown to the Q.B.D., and + inscribe your name in a big book, and bow to the Judges, and + come out."</p> + + <p>"What's the good of doing that?" I want to know.</p> + + <p>"None whatever. An old custom, that's all. A sort of legal + fiction, you know." (<i>Query</i>—If a Queen's Counsel + writes a novel, isn't <i>that</i> a real legal fiction?) + "You'll feel rather like a little boy going to a new school. + Judges look at you with an air of 'I say, you new feller, + what's your name? Where do you come from? What House are you + in?—then a good kick. They can't kick you, so they glare + at you instead. Interesting ceremony. Ta, ta!"</p> + + <p>It turns out as my friend says. But previously there is the + other little formality of purchasing the trailing garments of + the Profession. Go to a wig-and-gown-maker near the Law Courts. + Ask to see different kinds of wigs.</p> + + <p>"We only make one kind," replies the wig-man, pityingly. + "The Patent Ventilating Anticalvitium. You'll find it as light + as a feather, almost. Made of superfine 'orse-'air." He says + this as if he never got his material from anything below the + value of a Derby Winner.</p> + + <p>"Why do you call it the Anticalvitium?" I ask.</p> + + <p>"Because it don't make the 'air fall off, Sir, as all other + wigs do."</p> + + <p>Do they? Another objection to the profession. Wish I had + known this before I began to grind for the Bar Exam. Wig-man + measures my head.</p> + + <p>"Rather large size, Sir," he remarks. Says it as if I must + have water on the brain at the very least. "Middle Temple, I + suppose?"—he queries. Why? Somehow it would <i>sound</i> + more flattering if he had supposed Inner Temple, instead of + Middle. Wonder if I shall ever be described as an "Outer + barrister, of the Inner Temple, with Middling abilities." Is + there a special cut of face belonging to the Inner Temple, + another for the Middle (there <i>is</i> a "middle cut" in + salmon, why not in the law?) and a third for Lincoln's Inn?</p> + + <p>Find, while I am meditating these problems, that I have been + "suited" with a gown, also with a stock of ridiculous little + linen flaps, which are called "bands." Think about "forbidding + the bands," but don't know how to.</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>NOTE FOR THE NEW UNIONISM.</h3> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Union is Strength." Let lovers of communion</p> + + <p>Remember Strength (of language) is <i>not</i> + Union!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>NEW DEFINITION OF A "FEATHER-BED FIGHTER."—A Boxer + with gloves over four ounces in weight. And anything over that, + we suppose, must be considered a "feather-weight." This gives a + new significance to the saying, "You might have knocked me down + with a feather."</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page178" + id="page178"></a>[pg 178]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/178.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/178.png" + alt="" /></a> + + <h3>OUR M.P. MAKES A LITTLE TOUR IN IRELAND.</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page179" + id="page179"></a>[pg 179]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/179.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/179.png" + alt="" /></a>MR. TYMS HIRED A MOUNT WITH THE + STAGHOUNDS, BUT QUICKLY CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT + WAS A BRUTAL SHAME TO CHASE THE POOR DEER UP AND DOWN + THOSE HORRIBLE BANKS. + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>A TALE OF THE TELEPHONE.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>A Story of what may happen some day in George Street, + Hanover Square.</i>)</h4> + + <p>There were a few minutes unoccupied before the time + appointed for the ceremony, and so the Pew-opener thought he + could not do better than point out the many excellences of the + church to the Bridegroom.</p> + + <p>"You see, Sir," he said, "our pulpit is occupied by the best + possible talent. The Vicar takes the greatest interest in + securing every rising preacher, and thus, Sunday after Sunday, + we have the most startling orations."</p> + + <p>The Bridegroom (slightly bored) said that if he had happened + to live in the neighbourhood, he should certainly have taken + sittings.</p> + + <p>"But living in the neighbourhood is not necessary, Sir," + persisted the Pew-opener. "Let into the sounding-board is a + telephone, and so our Vicar can supply the sermons preached + here, hot and hot, to residents in the London Postal District. + Considering the quality of the discourses, he charges a very + low rate. The system has been largely adopted. As a matter of + fact the whole service, and not only the pulpit, has been laid + on to the principal Hotels and Clubs."</p> + + <p>But further conversation was here cut short by the arrival + of the Bride, who, led by her brother, advanced towards the + altar with an air of confidence that charmed all beholders. + This self-possession was the outcome of the lady being—as + her grey moiré-antique indicated—a widow. + Congratulations passed round amongst the friends and relatives, + and then the bridal party was arranged in front of the good old + Vicar.</p> + + <p>"Have you switched us on?" said he to the Clerk.</p> + + <p>"Yes, Sir," was the reply. "We are now in communication with + all the principal Hotels and Clubs."</p> + + <p>"That's right. I am always anxious that my clients shall + have their full money's-worth." And then the Vicar read with + much emphasis the exhortation to the public to declare any + "just cause or impediment" to the marriage. Naturally there was + no response, and an opening hymn was sung by the choir, which, + containing some half-dozen verses, lasted quite a quarter of an + hour. At its conclusion the Vicar, who had allowed his + attention to become distracted, instead of going on with the + service, again read the exhortation. He once more gave the + names of "HARRY SMITH, bachelor," and "AMY JONES, widow."</p> + + <p>"If anyone knows any just cause or impediment," he + continued.</p> + + <p>"Stop; I do!" interrupted a gentleman in a dressing-gown, + who had hurriedly entered the Church. "I heard you about a + quarter of an hour ago, while I was breakfasting at the + Shaftesbury Avenue Hotel, ask the same question, and came here + without changing my coat. Very sorry to interrupt the ceremony, + but this lady is my wife! Well, AMY, how are you?"</p> + + <p>"What, JOEY!" exclaimed the (now) ex-Bride, delightedly. "We + <i>are</i> glad to see you! We thought you were dead!"</p> + + <p>Then the gentleman in the dressing-gown was heartily greeted + on all sides. He seemed to be a very popular personage.</p> + + <p>"But where do I come in?" asked Mr. BROWN, the + ex-Bridegroom, who had, during this scene, shown signs of + embarrassment.</p> + + <p>"O JOEY, I quite forgot to introduce you to HARRY," said the + ex-Bride. "You must know one another. I was going to marry him + when you, darling, turned up just in the nick of time, like a + dear good old boy!"</p> + + <p>"Delighted to make your acquaintance, Sir," said Mr. JONES, + shaking Mr. BROWN warmly by the hand. "And now I must go back + to finish my breakfast!"</p> + + <p>"Yes, with me," said the ex-Bride. "You must sit, darling, + in the seat intended for poor HARRY. I know you won't mind, + HARRY (or, perhaps, I ought to call you Mr. BROWN now?), as I + have <i>so</i> much to say to dear JOEY. And you can have your + breakfast at a side-table—now won't you, just to please + me? You always are <i>so</i> kind and considerate!"</p> + + <p>And, as the wedding-party left the Church, the Clerk hastily + unswitched the electric communication.</p> + + <p>"Be quiet, Sir!" he whispered, sternly, to Mr. BROWN, who + had been talking to himself. "If our clients heard you, we + should be ruined! We guarantee that our telephonic supply shall + be perfectly free from bad language!"</p> + <hr /> + + <p>PROPHET AND LOSS.—Good Mussulmen, so it is said, + object to a play entitled <i>Mahomet</i> being produced in + London. The objection was successful in Paris. London Managers + (except, perhaps, Sheriff DRURIOLANUS, who revived <i>Le + Prophete</i> this season) will be on the side of the objectors, + as they would rather have to do with a genuine profit than a + fictitious one. Perhaps the non-production of <i>Mahomet</i> + may be a loss to Literature and the Drama.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page180" + id="page180"></a>[pg 180]</span> + + <h2>A BACHELOR'S IDYL.</h2> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I am not married, but I see</p> + + <p class="i2">No life so pleasant as my own;</p> + + <p>I think it's good for man to be</p> + + <p class="i14">Alone.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Some marry not who once have been—</p> + + <p class="i2">A curious process—crossed in + love,</p> + + <p>Who find a life's experience in</p> + + <p class="i14">A glove;</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Or else will sentimental grow</p> + + <p class="i2">At recollections of a dance;</p> + + <p>But, luckily for me, I've no</p> + + <p class="i14">Romance.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Of course I know "love in a cot,"—</p> + + <p class="i2">The little wife who calls you + "hub,"—</p> + + <p>But I'm content whilst I have got</p> + + <p class="i14">My Club.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>In some fine way, I don't know how,</p> + + <p class="i2">Some fool, some idiot, who lacks</p> + + <p>A grain of sense, proposes now</p> + + <p class="i14">A tax.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>A Tax on Bachelors! Ah, well,</p> + + <p class="i2">If this becomes the law's decree,</p> + + <p>I cheerfully shall pay the <i>L.</i></p> + + <p class="i14"><i>S.D.</i>,</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Quite happy with my single lot,</p> + + <p class="i2">Convinced beyond a doubt that life</p> + + <p>Is just worth living it you've not</p> + + <p class="i14">A wife.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <h4>(A LITTLE LATER.)</h4> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <div class="figright" + style="width:33%;"> + <a href="images/180-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/180-1.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I'll sing exaltedly no more,</p> + + <p class="i2">But sadly in a minor key</p> + + <p>Will tell what fortune had in store</p> + + <p class="i14">For me.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I rather think, the other day,</p> + + <p class="i2">That someone asked, "Should women + woo?"</p> + + <p>I'll answer that without delay—</p> + + <p class="i14">They do!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>She came—I foolishly was glad—</p> + + <p class="i2">She took me captive with a glance,</p> + + <p>Of course I never really had</p> + + <p class="i14">A chance.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And when she bent her pretty head</p> + + <p class="i2">To ask the question, I confess</p> + + <p>That what at once with joy I said</p> + + <p class="i14">Was "Yes."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>She says our wedding is to be</p> + + <p class="i2">On Monday—quite a swell affair.</p> + + <p>My wife and I shall hope to see</p> + + <p class="i14">You there.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>"Is this the Hend?"</h3> + + <p>The following, headed <i>Scottish Leader</i>, was sent to us + as a quotation:—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>"The Duke of FIFE has sold the estate of Eden, near + Banff, to Mr. THOMAS ADAM, Deputy Chairman of the Great + North of Scotland Railway Company."</p> + </blockquote> + + <p>If the above information be correct, this transfer of "Eden" + to "ADAM" looks uncommonly like "Paradise Regained."</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:18%;"> + <a href="images/180-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/180-2.png" + alt="Baron de Book-Worms." /></a>The Learned Baron. + </div> + + <p>The Baron must say a word about <i>Voces Populi</i>, by F. + ANSTEY, author of the immortal <i>Vice Versâ</i>. That + the series contained in this volume appeared in <i>Mr. + Punch's</i> pages is sufficient guarantee for the excellence of + its quality, and more than this it would not become the Baron + to say; but of the illustrations by J. BERNARD PARTRIDGE the + Baron can speak—and speak in terms of the highest + admiration of them—as works of genuinely artistic humour. + There are twenty illustrations, that is, ten brace of + Partridges, if he will allow the Baron so far to make game of + him. The book is published by LONGMANS, GREEN & Co.</p> + + <p>The Leadenhall Press has brought out, in Pocket form, + <i>Prince Dorus</i>, by CHARLES LAMB, with nine coloured + illustrations, following the original Edition of 1811. The + lines are not very Lamb-like, but the illustrations are very + quaint, and the Pocket Volume is a curiosity of literature.</p> + + <p>BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>A REALLY VALUABLE SUGGESTION.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>To the Editor of Punch.</i>)</h4> + + <p>DEAR SIR,—As the conductor of the recognised organ of + the legal profession, I have the honour to address you. My + learned and accomplished friend. Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS, Q.C., + complained the other day that there was a right of appeal from + the Police Court to the Bench of Middlesex Magistrates. He said + that his colleagues were barristers and gentlemen of + considerable eminence, and in those characters were better able + to decide upon the merits of a case than the persons who + compose the Tribunal to which appeal from their decision is + permissible. I have not recently looked through the list of + Metropolitan Police Magistrates, but, if they have been chosen + from the ranks of literature and law, as they were thirty years + ago, I can well understand that they are an exceedingly capable + body of men. That so accomplished a <i>littérateur</i> + and admirable an advocate as my friend Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS + himself should have been raised to the Magisterial bench, is a + proof that the standard has been maintained. But, Sir, can + nothing be done for the other tribunal?</p> + + <p>Would it not be possible to appoint a certain proportion of + stipendiaries, with ample salaries, to that body? What is + wanted are men with a perfect knowledge of the law, and a large + experience of the adversities as well as the pleasures of life. + If they occasionally dabble in literature, so much the better. + But, it may be said, where are such men to be found? I answer, + in very many places, and, to encourage the authorities in their + search, shall be most happy to personally head the list.</p> + + <p>Yours, very faithfully,</p> + + <p>(<i>Signed</i>) A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR. <i>Pump-handle Court, + Oct. 4th, 1890.</i></p> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE GROAN OF THE GUSHLESS.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>A Song à la Shenstone.</i>)</h4> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>["What is described as an Anti-Gush Society has, + according to a Pittsburg paper, been formed in New York, + its object being to check the growing tendency, especially + noticeable among young people of the period, to express + themselves in exaggerated language."]</p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Girl Member of the A.G.S. loq.</i>:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ye maidens, so cheerful and gay,</p> + + <p class="i2">Whose words ever fulsomely fall,</p> + + <p>Oh, pity your friend, who to-day</p> + + <p class="i2">Has become a Society's thrall.</p> + + <p>Allow me to muse and to sigh,</p> + + <p class="i2">Nor talk of the change that ye find;</p> + + <p>None once was more happy than I;</p> + + <p class="i2">But, alas! I've left Gushing behind!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <div class="figright" + style="width:20%;"> + <a href="images/180-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/180-3.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Now I know what it is to have + strove<a id="footnotetag1" + name="footnotetag1"></a><a href="#footnote1"><sup>1</sup></a></p> + + <p class="i2">With the tortures of verbal desire.</p> + + <p>I must use measured terms, where I love,</p> + + <p class="i2">And be moderate, when I admire.</p> + + <p>No slang must my diction adorn,</p> + + <p class="i2">I must never say "awfully swell."</p> + + <p>Alas! I feel flat and forlorn,</p> + + <p class="i2">I have bidden Girl-Gushing farewell!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Since I put down my name in that book</p> + + <p class="i2">I have never called bonnets "divine,"</p> + + <p>For our Sec. with a soul-shaking look,</p> + + <p class="i2">Would be down on your friend with a + fine.</p> + + <p>So the milliners now I pass by;</p> + + <p class="i2">Though dearly they pleased me of + yore;</p> + + <p>If a girl musn't gush, squirm, and sigh,</p> + + <p class="i2">Even shopping becomes quite a bore.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>For "gorgeous" I languish in vain,</p> + + <p class="i2">And I pine for a "love"—and a + "dear."</p> + + <p>Oh! why did I vow to be plain—</p> + + <p class="i2">In my speech? It sounds awfully + queer!</p> + + <p>Stop! "Awfully" is not allowed.</p> + + <p class="i2">Though it <i>will</i> slip out sometimes, + I own.</p> + + <p>Oh, I might as well sit in my shroud,</p> + + <p class="i2">As use moderate language alone.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>To force us fair nymphs to forego</p> + + <p class="i2">The hyperbole dear to our heart,</p> + + <p>And the slang without which speech is "slow,"</p> + + <p class="i2">Is to make us a "people apart."</p> + + <p>Oh, to say (without fines) "quite too-too!"</p> + + <p class="i2">For dear "awfully jolly" I yearn.</p> + + <p>I would "chuck" all my friends, sweet—save + you—</p> + + <p class="i2">To the pathways of Gush to return.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Eh? "<i>Chuck</i>" did I say? That is Slang!</p> + + <p class="i2">And "<i>Sweet</i>?" That's decidedly + Gush!</p> + + <p>Oh, let the A.G.S. go hang!</p> + + <p class="i2">My old love returns with a rush.</p> + + <p>It is "gorgeous" once more to be free,</p> + + <p class="i2">O'er a frock or a first night to + glow.</p> + + <p>Come to-morrow! Go shopping with me,</p> + + <p class="i2"><i>Ownest own</i>—and we'll gush as + we go!</p> + </div> + </div> + + <blockquote class="footnote"> + <a id="footnote1" + name="footnote1"></a><b>Footnote 1:</b> + <a href="#footnotetag1">(return)</a> + + <p>SHENSTONE, not <i>Mr. Punch</i>, is responsible for the + peccant participle.</p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <p>THE MODERN NELSON MOTTO.—At the Church Congress. Lord + NELSON expressed a strong desire for the union of Dissenters + with Churchmen. If his Lordship's reading of the old Nelsonian + motto is "England expects that every clergyman (Dissenter or + Churchman) should do somebody else's duty," then England will + have to wait a considerable time for the Utopian realisation of + this pious wish.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, + whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any + description, will in no case be returned, not even when + accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or + Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p> + <hr class="full" /> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12467 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/12467-h/images/169.png b/12467-h/images/169.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..67d3e67 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/169.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/170.png b/12467-h/images/170.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a2894fa --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/170.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/171.png b/12467-h/images/171.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..da49ea9 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/171.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/172.png b/12467-h/images/172.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8ac211c --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/172.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/173.png b/12467-h/images/173.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e6b33be --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/173.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/174.png b/12467-h/images/174.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..98b0ddc --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/174.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/175.png b/12467-h/images/175.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9644bef --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/175.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/177.png b/12467-h/images/177.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5661333 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/177.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/178.png b/12467-h/images/178.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..becf233 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/178.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/179.png b/12467-h/images/179.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..aeba252 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/179.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/180-1.png b/12467-h/images/180-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0d956bd --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/180-1.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/180-2.png b/12467-h/images/180-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d0ad9e9 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/180-2.png diff --git a/12467-h/images/180-3.png b/12467-h/images/180-3.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f40ffb1 --- /dev/null +++ b/12467-h/images/180-3.png |
