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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:39:47 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:39:47 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/12386-0.txt b/12386-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8763030 --- /dev/null +++ b/12386-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7545 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12386 *** + +SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION + +BY + +JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE (MARIETTA HOLLEY) + +ILLUSTRATIONS BY CH. GRUNWALD + +1904 + + + + + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + +[Transcriber's note: These are the captioned halftone illustrations. +There are several other uncaptioned line drawings.] + +He showed 'em in a careless way as much as fifteen dollars in cash + +Josiah's good nater returnin' with every mouthful he took + +It is the big crowd that is surgin' through the Pike to and fro, fro and +to + +"I hain't Theodore. I'm President of a Gas Company." + +She laid her pretty head in my lap, sobbin' out, "What shall I do? What +shall I do?" + +Good land! I couldn't sort 'em out and describe them that passed by in +an hour. _Frontispiece_ + + + + + +SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION + + +CHAPTER I. + +I had noticed for some time that Josiah Allen had acted queer. He would +seem lost in thought anon or oftener, and then seemin'ly roust himself +up and try to act natural. + +And anon he would drag his old tin chest out from under the back +stairway and pour over musty old deeds and papers, drawed up by his +great-grandpa mebby. + +He did this last act so often that I said to him one day, "What under +the sun do you find in them yeller old papers to attract you so, +Josiah?" + +But he looked queer at me, queer as a dog, as if he wuz lookin' through +me to some distant view that interested him dretfully, and answered +evasive, and mebby he wouldn't answer at all. + +And then I'd see him and Uncle Sime Bentley, his particular chum, with +their heads clost together, seemin'ly plottin' sunthin' or ruther, +though what it wuz I couldn't imagine. + +And then they would bend their heads eagerly over the daily papers, and +more'n once Josiah got down our old Olney's Atlas and he and Uncle Sime +would pour over it and whisper, though what it wuz about I couldn't +imagine. And if I'd had the curosity of some wimmen it would drove me +into a caniption fit. + +And more'n a dozen times I see him and Uncle Sime down by the back +paster on the creek pacin' to and fro as if they wuz measurin' land. And +most of all they seemed to be measurin' off solemn like and important +the lane from the creek lot up to the house and takin' measurements, as +queer lookin' sights as I ever see, and then they would consult the +papers and atlas agin, and whisper and act. + +And about this time he begun to talk to me about the St. Louis +Exposition. He opened the subject one day by remarkin' that he spozed I +had never hearn of the Louisana Purchase. He said that the minds of +females in their leisure hours bein' took up by more frivolous things, +such as tattin' and crazy bed-quilts, he spozed that I, bein' a female +woman, had never hearn on't. + +And my mind bein' at that time took up in startin' the seams in a blue +and white sock I wuz knittin' for him, didn't reply, and he went on and +talked and talked about it. + +But good land! I knowed all about the Louisana Purchase; I knowed it +come into our hands in 1803, that immense tract of land, settlin' +forever in our favor the war for supremacy on this continent between +ourselves and England, and givin' us the broad highway of the +Mississippi to sail to and fro on which had been denied us, besides the +enormous future increase in our wealth and population. + +I knowed that between 1700 and 1800 this tract wuz tossted back and +forth between France and Spain and England some as if it wuz a immense +atlas containing pictured earth and sea instead of the real land and +water. + +It passed backwards and forwards through the century till 1803 when it +bein' at the time in the hands of France, we bought it of Napoleon +Bonaparte who had got possession of it a few years before, and Heaven +only knows what ambitious dreams of foundin' a new empire in a new +France filled that powerful brain, under that queer three-cornered hat +of hisen when he got it of Spain. + +But 'tennyrate he sold it in 1803 to our country, the writin's bein' +drawed up by Thomas Jefferson, namesake of our own Thomas Jefferson, +Josiah's child by his first wife. Napoleon, or I spoze it would sound +more respectful to call him Mr. Bonaparte, he wanted money bad, and he +didn't want England to git ahead, and so he sold it to us. + +He acted some as Miss Bobbett did when she sot up her niece, Mahala Hen, +in dressmakin' for fear Miss Henzy's girl would git all the custom and +git rich. She'd had words with Miss Henzy and wanted to bring down her +pride. And we bein' some like Miss Hen in sperit (she had had trouble +with Miss Henzy herself, and wuz dretful glad to have Mahala sot up), we +wuz more'n willin' to buy it of Mr. Bonaparte. You know he didn't like +England, he had had words with her, and almost come to hands and blows, +and it did come to that twelve years afterwards. + +But poor creeter! I never felt like makin' light of his reverses, for do +not we, poor mortals! have to face our Waterloo some time durin' our +lives, when we have fought the battle and lost, when the ground is +covered with slain Hopes, Ambition, Happiness, when the music is +stilled, the stringed instruments and drums broken to pieces, or givin' +out only wailin' accompaniments to the groans and cries of the dyin' +layin' low in the dust. + +We marched onward in the mornin' mebby with flyin' colors towards +Victory, with gaily flutterin' banners and glorious music. Then come the +Inevitable to crush us, and though we might not be doomed to a desert +island in body, yet our souls dwell there for quite a spell. + +Till mebby we learn to pick up what is left of value on the lost field, +try to mend the old instruments that never sound as they did before. Sew +with tremblin' fingers the rents in the old tattered banners which Hope +never carries agin with so high a head, and fall into the ranks and +march forward with slower, more weary steps and our sad eyes bent toward +the settin' sun. + +But to stop eppisodin' and resoom. I had hearn all about how it wuz +bought and how like every new discovery, or man or woman worth while, +the Purchase had to meet opposition and ridicule, though some prophetic +souls, like Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Livingstone and others, seemed to look +forward through the mists of the future and see fertile fields and +stately cities filled with crowds of prosperous citizens, where wuz then +almost impassable swamps and forests inhabited by whoopin' savages. + +And Mr. Bonaparte himself, let us not forgit in this proud year of +fulfilled hopes and achievement and progress how he always seemed to set +store by us and his words wuz prophetic of our nation's glorious +destiny. + +I had knowed all about this but Josiah seemed to delight to instruct me +as carefully as a mother would guide a prattlin' child jest beginnin' to +walk on its little feet. And some times I would resent it, and some +times when I wuz real good natured, for every human bein' no matter how +high principled, has ebbs and flows in their moral temperatures, some +times I would let him instruct me and take it meekly like a child +learnin' its A-B abs. + +But to resoom. Day by day Josiah's strange actions continued, and at +intervals growin' still more and more frequent and continuous he acted, +till at last the truth oozed out of him like water out of a tub that has +been filled too full, it wuz after an extra good meal that he confided +in me. + +He said the big celebration of the Louisana Purchase had set him to +thinkin' and he'd investigated his own private affairs and had +discovered important facts that had made him feel that he too must make +a celebration of the Purchase of the Allen Homestead. + +"On which we are now dwellin', Samantha," sez he. "Seventy-four acres +more or less runnin' up to a stake and back agin, to wit, as the paper +sez." + +Sez I, "You needn't talk like a lawyer to me, Josiah Allen, but tell me +plain as a man and a deacon what you mean." + +"Well, I'm tellin' you, hain't I, fast as I can? I've found out by my +own deep research (the tin trunk wuzn't more'n a foot deep but I didn't +throw the trunk in his face), I've discovered this remarkable fact that +this farm the very year of the Louisana Purchase came into the Allen +family by purchase. My great-great-grandfather, Hatevil Allen, bought it +of Ohbejoyful Gowdey, and the papers wuz signed the very day the other +momentous purchase wuz made. + +"There wuz fourteen children in the family of old Hatevil, jest as many +as there is States in the purchase they are celebratin' to St. Louis. + +"And another wonderful fact old Hatevil Allen paid jest the same amount +for this farm that our Government paid for the Louisiana Purchase." + +"Do you mean to tell me, Josiah, that Hatevil Allen paid fifteen +millions for this farm. Will you tell me that? You, a member of the +meetin' house and a deacon?" + +"Well, what you might call the same, it is the same figgers with the six +orts left out. Great-granther Allen paid fifteen dollars for this piece +of land, it wuz all woods then." + +"Another of these most remarkable series of incidents that have ever +took place on this continent, Thomas Jefferson wuz a main actor in the +Louisana Purchase. He has left this spear some years ago, and who, who +is the father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?" + +I didn't say nothin', for I wuz engrossed in my knittin', I wuz jest +turnin' the heel of his sock and needed my hull mind. + +"And," sez he, smitin' his breast agin, "I ask you, Samantha, who is the +father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?" + +I had by this time turned the heel and I sez, "Why, I spoze he's got the +same father now he always had, children don't change their fathers very +often as a general thing." + +"Well, you needn't be so grumpy about it. Don't you see that these +wonderful coincidences are enough to apall a light-minded person. Why, +I, even I with my cast iron strength of mind, have almost felt my brain +stagger and reel as I onraveled the momentous affair. + +"And I am plannin' a celebration, Samantha, that will hist up the name +of Allen where it ort to be onto the very top of Fame's towerin' pillow, +and keep it in everlastin' remembrance. + +"And I, Samantha," and here he smote himself agin in the breast, "I, +Josiah Allen, havin' exposed these circumstances, the most remarkable in +American history, I lay out to name my show the Exposition of Josiah +Allen. And I've thought some times that in order to mate mine with the +St. Louis show, as you may say, I'd mebby ort to call myself St. +Josiah." + +"Saint Josiah!" sez I, and my axent wuz that icy cold that he shivered +imperceptibly and added hastily, "Well, we will leave that to the future +to decide." + +"But," sez he firmly, spruntin' up agin, "if the nation calls on me to +name myself thus I shall respond, and expose myself at my Exposition as +Saint Josiah." + +Sez I anxiously, "I wouldn't expose myself too much, Josiah. You +remember the pa that took his weak-minded child to the ball, and told +him to set still and not speak or they would find him out. + +"And they asked him question after question and he didn't say a word, +and finally they begun to scoff at him and told him he wuz a fool, and +he called out, 'Father, father, they've found me out.'" + +Josiah sez snappishly, "What you mean by bringin' that old chestnut up I +cant see." + +"Well," sez I, "I shan't sew the moral on any tighter." But he kep' on +ignorin' my sarcastick allusion. + +"To keep up the train of almost miraclous incidents marchin' along +through the past connecting the St. Louis and the Allen Purchase like +historical twins, I'm goin' to spend on the Exposition of Josiah Allen +jest the amount paid for the other original purchase, and I may, for +there is no tellin' what a Allen may do when his blood is rousted up, I +may swing right out and pay jest the same amount St. Louis is payin' for +her Exposition." + +"Fifty millions!" sez I with emotions of or--or to think I had a pardner +that would tell such a gigantic falsehood, and instinctively I thought +of a story I'd hearn Thomas Jefferson tell the evenin' before. + +He said three commercial travelers wuz talkin' before an old man from +the country whose loose fittin' clothes were gently scattered with +hay-seed. The first one told with minute particulars of a Western +cyclone that had lifted a house and sot it down in a neighborin' +township. The next one said that he wuz knowin' to the circumstances and +how the cyclone swep back and brought the suller and sot it down under +the house. And the third one remembered vividly how the cyclone went +back the second time and brought the hole the suller left and +distributed it round under the new site. + +The old man listened with deep interest, and said he wuz glad he'd had +the privelige of hearin' 'em, for their talk had cleared up a Bible +verse he'd long pondered over. + +They wuz astounded to think their talk had awakened religious +meditations. But the old gentleman said their conversation had cleared +up that passage where it said: + +"Annanias come forth." + +He said it wuz now plain to him that it meant that these three drummers +should stand before Annanias, the Prince of Liars, he takin' his place +behind 'em, the fourth in the rank of liars. + +But this is neither here or there I only mention it as comin' into my +mind instinctively and onbeknown to myself as I hearn Josiah Allen's +remark, it came and went, as thoughts will, like a lightning flash, even +as I wuz repeatin' the words agin in wonderment and horrow. + +"Fifty million dollars!" + +"No, I said to you, Samantha, that in our conversation we would leave +out the orts, fifty dollars wuz what I meant. But as I said this is what +I've thought when my brain wuz fired with ambition and glory of histin' +the name of Allen up where it ort to be and will be. But when my blood +has quieted down and I took a dispassionate view of the affair I have +thought it would be more in keepin' with the old traditions of the Allen +family, to spend jest fifteen, I can do a noble job with Uncle Sime's +help and Ury's, with exactly the same sum that wuz paid for these +purchases." + +I see he wuz jest bound to ignore the millions. But I knowed it wouldn't +do any good to keep twittin' him of it. And then he went on to describe +more fully the Exposition of Josiah Allen that he'd been plottin' for +weeks and weeks. He said that he and uncle Sime had used up two hull +pads of writin' paper at a cost of five cents each, plannin' and +figurin'. But he didn't begrech the outlay, he said. He wuz layin' out +to have the lower paster used as a tentin' ground for the hull Allen +race, and the Gowdeys if he decided they wuz worthy to jine in, he +hadn't settled on that yet. The cow paster wuz to be used for +Equinomical and Agricultural displays and also Peaceful Industries and +Inventions, and the lane leadin' up to the barn from the lower paster he +laid out to use as a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin' quaits, +bull-in-the-barnyard, turnin' hand-springs and summer sets, etc., etc. + +Sez I coldly, "It would draw quite a crowd to see you and Deacon Gowdey +standin' on your two old bald heads turnin' a summer set." + +"Oh, I laid out to have younger people in such thrillin' seens, Ury and +others." And then he went on to describe at length his Peaceful Industry +Show. + +I couldn't sot still to hear it only I felt I wanted to know the worst +and cope with it as a surgeon probes to the quick in order to cure. + +He thought he could git Aunt Huldy Wood, who wove carpets, to set up her +loom for a few days under the big but-nut tree, and be weavin' there +before the crowds. He said she wuz a peaceful old critter and would show +off well in it. And Bildad Shoecraft, another good-natured creeter, he +could bring his shoe-making bench and be tappin' boots. He could not +only show off but make money at the same time, for he spozed that many a +boot would be wore down to the quick walkin' round viewin' the +attractions. And Blandina Teeter he spozed she could run my sewin' +machine under the sugar maple. And he thought mebby I would set out +under the slippery ellum makin' ginger cookies or fryin' nut-cakes, in +either capacity he said I wuz a study for an artist and would draw +crowds. + +"The wife of Josiah Allen fryin' nut-cakes, what a sound it would have +through the world." + +"No, Josiah," sez I, "I shan't try to fry nut-cakes in a open lot +without ingregients or fire." + +"Well, mebby you'd ruther be one of the attractions of the Pike, +Samantha. I hain't goin' to limit you to one thing. As the pardner of +the originator of this stupengous scheme you are entitled to respect. +There is where Napoleon, the other great actor in these twin dramas, +missed it, he didn't use his wife as he ort to. But jest see the +wonderful similarity in these cases. He had two step-children; the wife +of Josiah had two; I am smaller in statute than my wife; so wuz +Napoleon." + +"You spoke of your Peaceful Inventions, Josiah," sez I, wantin' to git +his mind off, for truly I begun to fairly feel sick to the stomach to +hear his talk about himself and the Great Conqueror. + +"Oh, yes, Samantha, that in itself will be worth double the price of +admission." + +"Then you expect to ask pay, Josiah?" + +"Certainly, why not? Do they not ask pay at the twin celebration? + +"But you spoke of inventions; I shall let the rest of the Allens show +off. Lots of 'em have invented things, but of course my inventions will +rank number one. There is my button on the suller door I cut it out of +an old boot leg. Who ever hearn of a leather button before, and it works +well if you don't want to fasten the door tight. Then there is that self +actin' hen-coop of mine that lets a stick fall down and shuts the door +when the hen walks up the ladder." + +"But no hen has ever clim the ladder yet, Josiah." + +"No, perhaps they hain't yet, but I'm expectin' to see 'em every day, +'tennyrate paint that coop a bright red and yaller and it will attract a +crowd. + +"And then there is that travelin' rat trap of brother Henzy's, you know +his grandmother wuz an Allen, I shall mayhap let him appear. And then +there is all my farmin' implements and the rest of the Allen's I lay out +to be just to all, and let 'em all come and show off in my Agricultural +show. + +"But of course there has got to be a head to it; Napoleon wuz the head +of the other Purchase, and I'm the head of this. In short, Samantha, I +am _It_." + +Oh, how full of pride and vain glory he wuz, and I knowed such feelin's +would have to be brung down for his spiritual good. I realized it as he +went on, + +"I tell you, Napoleon and I would have made a span, Samantha, if he +could been spared till now." + +Oh how shamed I wuz to hear such talk, but I sot demute for reasons +named, and he sez agin, "I thought mebby you would want to be one of the +attractions of the Pike, Samantha; I lay out to have livin' statutes +adornin' the side of the lane leadin' up from the beaver medder to the +horse trough." + +"Livin' statutes!" sez I, coldly, "I don't know what you mean by them." + +[Illustration] + +"Why, I thought for a few cents I could git a lot of children and old +folks to be white-washed for a day or two and pose as statutes. It would +be a new thing and a crackin' good idee, for livin' statutes that can +wink, and bow, and talk, and walk round some, I don't believe wuz ever +hearn on before." + +"No indeed," sez I, "but I can tell you, Josiah Allen, I've played many +strange parts in the role of life at your request, but I tell you once +for all I shall never, _never_ be whitewashed and set up for a statute, +you can set your mind to rest on that to once." + +"Mebby you'd ruther be a Historical Tabloo, Samantha; I lay out to have +beautiful ones, and I thought I wouldn't confine myself to the States, +but would branch out and have the foreign nations represented +figuratively. + +"A naval battle between Russia and Japan would draw; if I could fix some +floats on the creek my stun boat could represent Russia, and Deacon +Huffer's Japan, I jest as lives mine would be blowed up and sunk as not, +'tain't good for much. And if I did have that I would have the Russian +Bear set on the shore growlin', and the Powers furder back lookin' +pleasantly on. You might be a Power, Samantha, if you wuzn't a female." + +"No, thank you, Josiah, I don't hanker after the responsibility for good +or evil that ort to hang onto a Power." + +"I'd be the Russian Bear myself, Samantha, with our old buffalo robe, +only I've got everything else to do; I could grasp holt of things and +squeeze 'em tight and growl and paw first rate." + +"I wouldn't try to take that Russian Bear's job of graspin' and growlin' +and pawin' onto me, Josiah, if I wuz in your place; it would tucker +anybody out." + +"The Eagle of France," sez he dreamily, "could be represented in reduced +form, as artists say, by Solomon Bobbett's old Bramy rooster with some +claws tied on. And Scotland, the land knows there is thistles enough +along the cow path to represent her if they're handled right. And for +Ireland I might have two fellers fightin' with shelalays, Ury could make +the shelalays if he had a pattern." + +I knit away with a look of cold mockery on my face that I spose worried +him, for he sez, "I wish I could git you interested in my show, +Samantha. Mebby you'd want to represent Britanny scourin' the blue seas, +you always thought so much of the Widder Albert. You could enact it in +the creek where the water is shaller. You've got a long scrubbin' brush, +I always thought you looked some like Britanny, and you do scrub and +scour so beautiful, Samantha." + +"No, Josiah, you'll never git me into that scrape, not but what Britanny +may need help with her scrubbin' brush. But I shan't catch my death cold +makin' a fool of myself by tacklin' that job." + +"Oh, you could wear my rubber boots. But I shall not urge the matter, I +only thought we two countries are such clost friends and I wanted you to +have the foremost character, but I can probable git someone else to +enact it. But the strain is fearful on me, Samantha, to have everything +go on as it should." + +His looks wuz strange. I could see that he wuz all nerved up, and his +mind (what he had) wuz all wrought up to its highest tension; I knowed +what happened when the tension to my sewin' machine wuz drawed too +tight--it broke. And my machine wuz strong in comparison to some other +things I won't mention out of respect to my pardner. I felt that I must +be cautious and tread carefully if I would influence him for his good, +so I brought forth the argument that seldom failed with him, and sez I: + +"If I hadn't no other reason for jinin' in these doin's, cookin' has got +to be done and how can a statute or a Historical Tabloo bile potatoes +and brile steak and make yeast emptin's bread perked up on a pedestal or +posin' in the creek, and you know, Josiah, that no matter how fur +ambition or vain glory may lead a man, his appetite has got to be +squenched, and vittles has got to be cooked else how can he squench it." + +And to this old trustworthy weepon I held in all his different plans to +inviggle me into his preposterous idees and found it answered better +than reason or ridicule. But even this failed to break up his crazy +plan. His hull mind (what he had) wuz sot on it. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +I felt dretful and how I wuz goin' to break it up and git his mind off I +couldn't tell; I talked it over with the children. They wuz goin' to be +mortified to death by the idee if carried out and they told me in +confidence and the woodhouse kitchen, "It must be stopped!" + +And I sez, "How is it goin' to be stopped? I've handled every weepon I +know how to lay holt on. I've pompied him, cooked the very best of +vittles, argued with him, eppisoded, but all to no use, he's as sot as a +hen turkey on a brick bat, and I've got to the end of my chain." + +Sez Tirzah Ann, "Have you tried readin' historical novels to him?" + +"No," sez I, "I don't dast to be _too_ hash with him, your pa's health +hain't what it wuz, I dassent take too hash measures." + +Sez she, "Have you tried readin' poetry?" + +"Yes," sez I, "I have read Pollock's Course of Time most through to him, +and the biggest heft of 'Paradise Lost,' and I read the last named with +deep feelin', I can tell you." + +"Didn't it do any good?" + +"Not a mite," sez I. "He would choke me off in the soarinest passages to +boast about some crazy side-show at his Exposition." + +Tirzah Ann sithed and sez, "I don't know what can be done." + +Thomas J. is more practical and sez, "Can't you git his mind on some +work? Hain't there sunthin' that ort to be done round the farm? Or in +the house?" + +"Id'no," sez I. "He can't plow or reap in February or pick gooseberries +or wash sheep. But I know what ort to be done in the house, I tried my +best to git him at it in the fall, I do want a furnace and hot water +pipes put in to heat the house. We most freeze these cold days, and it +is too much for your pa when Ury is away to tend to the fires." + +"That's just the thing!" sez Thomas J., "get him interested in that and +he will forgit all about the Allen Exposition by the time it is done." + +But I sez in a discouraged way, "If I couldn't git him at it in the fall +Id'no how I'm goin' to now." + +"But it is worth tryin'," sez Thomas J., "for his scheme must be broke +up, and if you git your furnace in now it will be all ready for another +fall." + +"Well," sez I, "I can try." And so I begun that very night on a new +tact, or ruther the old tact in a new way, I told him how sot Thomas J. +wuz on our havin' a furnace and hot water pipes put in. + +Josiah thinks his eyes of his only son, and I see it kinder moved him, +but he wouldn't give his consent, and sez: + +"What do you want hot water pipes and a furnace for in the summer?" + +Sez I pintin' to the snowy fields, "Do you call this summer, Josiah? And +Thomas J. sez it will be so nice to have it all ready in the fall. And I +do wish, Josiah, you would hear to me." + +"Well, well, I am hearin' you, hain't I, and been hearin' for a year +back, I hain't deef as an adder!" And he jammed his hat down over his +ears and went to the barn. But there wuz a sort of a waverin' expression +to his linement that made me have hopes. + +Well, when I had, with the children's help and an enormous expenditure +of good vittles and eloquence, brought him round to the idee, I found I +had another trial worse than the first to contend with. Instead of +hirin' a first rate workman who knew his bizness, he wuz bound, on +account of cheapness, to hire a conceited creeter who thought he could +do anything better than anyone else could. + +He knew how to milk, Jabez Wind did, and how to clean stables, and +plough and hoe corn. But he felt he could do plumbin' better than them +who had handled plumbs for years. And when I see Josiah wuz sot on +hirin' him to do the job I felt dretful, for he wuz no more fit for it +than our brindle cow to do fine sewin', or our old steer to give music +lessons on the banjo. He wuz a creeter I never liked, always tryin' to +invent sunthin' and always failin. But Josiah insisted on havin' him +because he wuz so much cheaper. + +And I sez, "You'll sup sorrow yet, Josiah Allen, with your tendency to +save and scrimp. Jabez Wind don't know nothin' about such work; he +hain't got any shop or tools and I don't want him meddlin' round my +house. We want the rooms warmed good and we don't want a big noise and +racket, as I've hearn they make sometimes, I couldn't stand it with such +noise and cracklin' goin' on day and night." + +"Oh," sez Josiah, "that's one great beauty of Jabezeses invention, it is +perfectly noiseless, not a murmur or gurgle from one year's end to the +other, and so easy to tend. Jest twice a year, he sez, to put a pail of +water in the upper tank, two pails of water a year to insure summer +warmth, no dirt, no noise, not much like luggin' in wood from mornin' +till night, breakin' your back cuttin' and splittin' it and litterin' up +the house." + +The idee of the perfect stillness did tempt me, I so love comfort and +quiet, and also not havin' to sweep up after chips and kindlin' wood. +But yet how did we know these things wuz so? And agin I sez, "How do you +know he can do all this? He hain't got any tools." + +Sez Josiah, "He's got idees if he hain't got tools. A man can borry +tools, but he can't dicker for such idees as Jabez has got. See the +things he's undertook." + +Sez I, "Anybody can undertake things; his idees hain't made him rich or +famous. That air ship of hisen he wuz goin' to sail to Europe on, rared +up and spilt him in his uncle's back yard. And his automobile, when he +sot off on it and headed it for the road it backed up and took him down +that steep hill back of the barn into the creek, where it kep on +ploughin' up dirt and slate stuns till his uncle stopped it by main +force and lifted Jabez out from under it drippin' like a water rat. And +his machine for perpetual motion, his ma uses it now for clothes bars," +sez I. "What has he ever done to merit your encomiums?" + +"Well," sez he, "he's bound to succeed this time. His idees are some +like the hardware man's at Jonesville only Jabez'es are more deep and +not nigh so expensive." I never liked Jabez Wind and shouldn't if I'd +seen him settin' swingin' his legs off the very top of Fame's pillow. He +wuz oncongenial to me, made so from the beginin'. I never knew any +particular hurt of him, but he seemed so much like his own sir name, so +puffed up and onsubstantial. He wuz middlin' well off to start with, or +his ma wuz, but he had used up all her property in his different +enterprises. + +Now I dote on inventors, they wear a halo in my partial eyes. They're +the greatest men of our day, and I mentally kneel at their feet, but +gold always has counterfeits. The real inventor, made by the Deity to +carry out his plans, is modest, silent, broodin' over his great secrets, +away from the multitude where angels minister to him. But Jabez wuz +loud, boastin', arrogant, his pert impudent face proclaimin' the great +things he wuz goin' to do, but never did. He wuz in love, too, or what +he called love, with a girl that wuz a prime favorite of mine, sweet +little Rosamond Nickleson, she and I wuz such great friends she often +used to come and stay a week at a time with me. + +When Jabez Wind came to Jonesville, Rosy wuz about the same as engaged +to a good sensible young farmer, Royal Nelson, who lived three milds +above Jonesville on the old stage road. He wuz a stiddy, likely young +man, who owned a nice farm well stocked, wuz good lookin', good +appearin', but ruther bashful and retirin', which made him some times in +company a little awkwud in his manners, and most offish where he wanted +to please most. But he had a good mind, and his heart wuz pure gold, and +he loved Rosy with the deep earnest love, such undemonstrative men often +cherish for the one woman in the world for them. His calm gray eyes +would light up with the pure light of deathless love when they rested on +the sweet face of little Rosy. And he wuz always tryin' to help her in +some way, lookin' out for her interest, he seemed to love to protect and +wait on her in a way that argued well for the future, but mebby it wuz +this constant and almost slavish devotion that made her slight him, she +had got so used to his stiddy love that she didn't appreciate it as +she'd ort to. + +He had paid attention to Rosy for most three years. I thought mebby he +wuz such a manly chap he didn't want to hurry her, she wuz so young, but +everybody spozed they wuz as good as engaged when Jabez Wind come to +Jonesville to live with his uncle, old Kellup Wind. He lost his wife, +and Miss Wind, his brother's widder, come to keep house for him and +brung Jabez with her. I hurn it wuz the bargain she wuz to have two +dollars a week and Jabez'es board. That showed me what he wuz, a young +man twenty-five years old hangin' on to his mother's apron strings to +support him, or ruther hangin' onto her hard workin' fingers, she wuz a +good housekeeper. + +Well, Jabez made such a splurge in the social pool of Jonesville +society, he made such florid eloquent boasts of the wonderful things he +wuz goin' to do in the near future; his clothes wuz so showy, and his +looks so showy (shaller I called it), with beady shiny black eyes, red +cheeks, mustache and whiskers naturally red like his hair, but dyed +black, and he played the fiddle so sweet, the girls said, and he sung +comic songs so bea-eu-ti-ful, and he danced so light that he become a +general favorite in Jonesville society and the girls all seemed to seek +after him. But from the first he singled out Rosy as the object of his +special patronizin' affection. She wuz well off, her pa left her a good +property in money besides bein' so pretty and good herself. + +And she, girls are so queer, the best of 'em, from the very fact that +his affection wuz so patronizin' and down stoopin' to her, and kinder +oncertain, for onlike Royal he would have spells of slightin' her and +waitin' on other girls, why mebby for this very reason she seemed to be +carried some distance away with him, and believed all his grand idees +and looked forward to the realization of his stupendious schemes, high +soundin' schemes, which had took him no furder than the middle of the +creek and his uncle's back yard. + +His uncle didn't believe in him no more than I did, but stood it with +him on account of Karen, bein' a man that loved domestic comfort, and +havin' lived in dirt, on pan-cakes and canned meats durin' different +rains of incompetence materialized in hired girl form, before Karen +come. But Karen worshipped Jabez, his highest mounts of future eminence +seemed too low for his footstool in her adorin' eyes, somehow the very +loftiness of his airs to her, his own mother who supported him and +bought his clothes, seemed to render him more precious in her eyes. +Wimmen are queer, queer as dogs. + +Well, Jabez knew I wuz onwillin' to have him tackle the job of warmin' +our house with his new water pipe invention, because I had spoke my mind +about it when he and Karen had been over to spend the evenin', and Karen +come over the next mornin' ostensibly to borry a cup of molasses, she +wuz lookin' wore out, she'd worked so hard the day before, doin' a big +washin' and bringin' the water from the creek, and I sez, "Why didn't +Jabez bring it for you?" + +"Oh, he wuz so busy with his inventions I couldn't bear to disturb him," +sez she, holdin' her hand to her achin' side, "my son is the greatest +genius in the world and folks will admit it yet, he's a young man of a +thousand." + +Sez I, "I should think more on him, Karen, if he should go to work and +take care of you instead of you at your age workin' so hard to take care +of him." + +She married when she wuz quite well along in years and wuz gittin' old +now and hadn't ort to work so hard. But her pale face lit up, "Oh, he +will take care of me luxuriously when he's completed some of his +inventions." + +"But," sez I pityin'ly, "you know they hain't worked yet, any on 'em. +You hung your washin' yesterday on the remains of his Perpetual Motion, +and his motor carriage bein' dug up from the creek, his uncle uses it as +a hen coop." + +"Oh, but they will be successful, they will." + +"I hope so, but I feel it my duty to tell you that I feel dubersome +about it, dretful dubersome." + +"But," sez she, "the New Perpetually Gushing Hot Water Tank is goin' to +make us independently rich. He's takin' the plans now of Luman Heath's +kitchen stove and riggin' up the machinery; Luman is to pay him +lavishly, you know Luman's wife is my own cousin." + +I see how it wuz, Karen's friends, to please her, wuz willin' to offer +up their sure comforts and solid foundations as a sacrifice on the altar +of friendship and the thought come over me, mebby I'd ort to. But it did +seem as if I couldn't. + +Sez Karen, "If it is a success at cousin Luman's, as it is dead sure to +be, Jabez is goin' to take it to the St. Louis Exposition." + +"He thinks the foreign powers will want to treat with him for it. But I +told him I would ruther he would let our Government have it. But +'tennyrate he won't let the Powers git the better of him in the contract +and control it and enrich themselves at his expense. He will get his +onparelled idees patented before he takes it to St. Louis, it wouldn't +be safe not to. I spoze the papers will be full of it." + +Such talk didn't seem to move me a mite, but it impressed Josiah +dretfully and he sez, "I shall have this new invention stand next to my +hen coop at the Exposition of St. Josiah." + +I shuddered and turned the subject round quick as I could. Well, Karen +labored with me over two hours, dwellin' in particular on the perfect +stillness of the heatin' apparatus, and agin as before that thought +tempted me awfully, for I'd hearn the cracklin' snappin' sounds that +sometimes comes from steam heat and dreaded to have it reproduced in my +home, and seein' my looks Karen amplified on the idee, How sweet it +would be in December to set down in a rockin' chair in the still warmth +of a day in July and go through the winter in that luxurious lovely way. +She talked till she had to go home almost on the run, for she said +Jabez'es mind worked so hard it exhausted his body completely so she had +to have the most nourishin' food ready for him at the very minute or he +would break right down. But to the last she praised up Jabez'es work. +But I wouldn't say a encouragin' word furder than this, "I feel +dubersome about it, Karen, dretful dubersome." + +That afternoon Rosy come over to stay all night, and she too tackled me +on the subject. He had asked her to, always hangin' onto some woman for +help. But with her too I used the same tick-tacks I had with Karen, I +said mildly after each modest plea for his great genius, and how well he +would do the work, "I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome." + +Then she, too, sweetly spoke of the summer warmth, and the entire +absence of noise, and agin that thought tempted me, but I sez, "How do +you know, Rosy, that it will be entirely noiseless?" + +"Oh, I know it will, Jabez sez so. He is sure to succeed, and it will +help him so to have your influence, he expects to publish a book of the +greater eulogies from noted people on this new invention, and he intends +to have your name head the list. When you say this perfectly noiseless +machine heats your house too warm in the coldest weather, what a help it +will be to him, and your name will be first," she repeated agin. + +"He'd better have the President and Cabinet come first," sez I dryly, +dry as a chip in dog days. + +"No, he spoke about that, but thought he would have them come next to +yours, and I approved of it," sez she affectionately, "and so did his +ma. + +"He will git out the book as soon as he comes home from the St. Louis +Exposition with all the big eulogies he gits there on his inventions." + +I groaned to myself and got up quick and went into the buttery and took +a drink of cold water, I felt so kinder sickish. Well at modest +intervals she would politely and gently tackle me about it, at the table +and while she wuz washin' dishes, but I held firm, though very +considerate and tender to her. I mogulated my axent low and gentle and +looked mild at her over my specs, as I washed and she wiped, but my +words wuz ever the same. + +"I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome." + +At last Josiah's temper riz up and he vowed he wouldn't dally any +longer, sez he, "I earned this money by the sweat of my brow and I'm +goin' to use it as I'm a minter, and I'm a minter have these water pipes +put in by Jabez Wind." (He got the money by sellin' a colt, Id'no as +there wuz any great sweat about it). + +But he wuz bound to have it done, and he did. And for reasons named I +dassent cross him too fur and put my foot right down on the plan. And +the children sez, "Better anything, mother, than his celebration. If he +don't tear the house down over your head let him go on." (_Let him_! I +guess I _had_ to let him.) + +Jabez come on with all his riggin'. He'd borrowed tools of the hardware +man at Zoar, another of Karen's cousins, and obtained the furnace and +pipes on credit, I spozed. + +I made all the preparations I could in case of disaster. Took up the +carpets in that part of the house, took down the curtains and moved the +furniture, used all the precautions I could to escape with life and limb +if possible, and insure the safety of my dear but misguided pardner, and +then I sot down in the parlor bedroom, the furthest I could git without +goin' upstairs, and let the tide of events sweep by me or sweep me away, +and I didn't know which it would be. I had to be downstairs anyway, for +(though Philury helped), I had to stand with my hand on the hellum, so +to speak, and see to everything. What made it worse, too, it come on the +coldest snap we'd had all winter. + +Well, one of the main arguments by Jabez and Josiah wuz the speed with +which this work wuz to be accomplished. The hull thing wuz to be done +and we settin' down fannin' ourselves inside of three days, but for over +four weeks our house wuz a perfect pandemonium of noise and confusion. + +Iron pipes lay round in every direction, screws and vises, nuts and +hammers, wrenches and irons of all shapes and descriptions strewed the +house from top to bottom, and ashes, dirt and dust wuz rampant, and +Jabez rennin' up and down stairs, to and fro, talkin' loud about what a +success he wuz makin' of it and how everything wuz workin' jest as he +wanted it to, and boasted in particular every time he come acrost me, +ashakin' with the cold, how perfectly still and noiseless it wuz goin' +to be, and how luxurious and almost enervatin' would be the warmth. And +I sez, rubbin' my cold hands and pullin' my heavy woolen shawl closter +round me, "It would be a little different than it is now if it wuz +still, or if it wuz warm." And agin I shivered in the frigid air and +sez: + +"You guaranteed we wouldn't be torn up here over three days, and it wuz +four weeks yesterday." + +"That is because I have took such extra precautions to have it perfectly +noiseless. Never," sez he impressively, "from one year's end to the +other will you ever hear a sound from that apparatus, not the least +murmur or echo of a sound." + +"Well, I hope not," sez I, "and I hope to gracious it will be finished +some time, for I'm most freezin' and Josiah is takin' cold, as I can +see." + +"No I hain't nuther," sez Josiah, his voice soundin' real wheezy and +husky out from under his heavy wool comforter. + +Sez I, "You be cold, Josiah Allen, your nose is blue this minute." + +"Well, what if it is! I always liked that color anyway, I'd ruther have +it blue that red as madder," sez he glancin' at my most prominent +feature. + +Sez I, "It is the bitter cold that has turned our noses, Josiah Allen, +and when is it goin' to end?" + +"It is going to end to-morrow mornin', at seven A.M. we start the fire, +and then," sez he proudly, "I will set down in perfect summer heat, calm +and happy, and you, too." For I spoze my oncomplainin' misery appealed +to his latent manhood; and it had been latent in him for some time. But +he wuz driv most beyend his strength, and the cold wuz almost Klondikey, +I could make allowance for him. Well, the next day passed, and the next +and the next, and finally, jest four weeks and four days after he had +guaranteed to have it finished, Jabez hautily announced, and Josiah +proudly proclaimed, a fire could be started. Karen wanted to be with us +in the first trial of the heat, so she appeared on the seen, so +triumphant and overjoyed it fairly made her worn haggard face look +considerable brighter. + +Rosy had come to spend the day and stay all night, invited by Karen to +witness her son's triumph. But I onbeknown to anybody, feelin' I needed +a strong arm and cool brain to depend on, had beset Royal Nelson to come +and stand by me that day and night, I didn't say Rosy wuz to be there +for fear he wouldn't come, for I could see by his white cheeks and sad, +yet cool lookin' eyes, that he'd about gin her up. He said to once that +he would come, and his sad eyes kinder laughed as he added, "I will +stand by you in your affliction." + +Well, Jabez, with his face gay and joyous and his tongue waggin', +weighted down with big, boastful words, headed the procession down +suller; Josiah and Ury filled up the furnace and built the fire, Jabez +seemin'ly willin' they should do the work, he's so lazy. Rosy, Karen and +I remained upstairs, Philury and I tryin' to mop and sweep up some of +the dirt, and before long I hearn a buggy drive up, and see it wuz Royal +Nelson, and in a few minutes he come in lookin' solid and reliable as +ever. + +Well, the upper tank had been filled, and at the welcome news the fire +wuz beginnin' to burn bright we all went upstairs watchin' to see the +grateful heat come up, and some of our hands wuz on the pipes every +minute, when a low hollow rumblin' wuz hearn down in the suller, growin' +louder and louder every minute till it got to be perfectly terrific, and +Jabez run down there, his coat tails almost layin' level in his haste, +and Josiah most fallin' over him, and Royal follerin' on more tranquil +lookin' but excited all through I could see. + +Ury stayed by us a spell, but as the deep hollow noise strengthened to a +loud roar, accompanied by a strange rushin', gurglin' sound, comin' +nearer and nearer, he seized Philury by the arm and rushed her outdoors +through the snow, not stoppin' till they got to the barn, then he leggo +of her and stood in the barn door to reconnoiter. It wuz a awful and +skairful seen. I couldn't blame Ury, but like Sara of old, I felt that I +must stay by my stuff, and Rosy and Karen hung to each other, and both +hung onto me, all on us tremblin' like three popple leaves. + +Finally, jest as the three men come hurryin' back into the room to +rescue or die with us I spoze, the boilin' water gin a louder, angrier +roar, and riz up out of the tank three feet into the air and poured and +steamed and deluged all over the floor. Well wuz it I took up the +carpet. But Josiah Allen, to prove he feared no danger, had insisted on +leavin' the dressin' gown he worshipped hangin' up in the clothes press +where the tank wuz. Alas! alas! as he brung it out drippin' and steamin' +from the fiery bath, where wuz the once gay colors? Them tossels and red +palm leaves on yeller ground that had so lately been the light of his +eyes and desire of his heart? Who could tell which wuz palm leaves and +which wuz yeller ground? And as for the red tossels, their glory had +departed forever. Josiah groaned aloud as he bore it out leavin' a +watery wake of red and yeller all the way to the kitchen, where I +follered him and told him, so strong is woman's love in the hour of +trouble, "Dear Josiah, I am sorry for you, but I told you jest how it +would be." + +He dashed it onto the floor and hollered out, "You didn't tell me +nothin' about it! you never said the word dressin' gown! and I'd like to +know what you're sorry about, it is nothin', only a valve has bust or +sunthin'." + +"Yes," sez I sadly, "I guess it is a sunthin'." Here he kicked aginst +the suller door so hard one of the panels has been shaky to this day, +and run down there, Jabez follerin' him, while I seized a dipper and a +twelve quart pail and hurried up to the flooded deestrick, which we +commenced to bail out like a sinkin' boat, Royal, Karen and Rosy helpin' +me, and Ury havin' his first fears squenched by the overflow of water +(which he expected he said would blow off the hull ruff and top story of +the house), he and Philury laid to and helped. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Well, Jabez said it wuz the sudden change from cold to hot water that +had caused the overflow, so we put the biler on the kitchen stove and +the caldron kettle in the woodhouse, and het water bilin' hot and filled +the empty tank, Josiah groanin' loud as he lugged it up and sayin' when +he thought I didn't hear him, "Oh, gracious Heavens! is this two pails a +year?" + +Then we all gathered in the front chamber agin watchin' events to come, +Jabez boastin' louder than ever how like a charm it would work, and +Karen opholdin' him. But Josiah looked anxious as I could see. When agin +that loud angry roar begun in the suller, and agin Ury ketched Philury +round the waist, for she wanted to stand her ground, but he yanked her +down stairs and half way acrost the back yard. He loves her dearly and +thinks it a man's place to protect his pardner. He didn't go so fur this +time, but had almost onbeknown to himself sought safety for his dear +Philury in flight. + +Agin Jabez and Josiah and Royal rushed down suller. The dretful roar +ended in a higher more steaminer volume of water than before, agin we +laid to and bailed it out, our ranks bein' reinforced anon by the +returnin' Ury and Philury, and anon furder by Josiah, Royal, and Jabez. +Jabez didn't boast quite so loud now, and I wuz glad to see that Rosy +kinder cuddled up closter to Royal as she wielded the dipper, as if she +thought him a refuge in time of storm. + +Well, from that time, about three in the afternoon, till ten P.M. the +programmy wuz stidy over and over. Fillin' the tank, low snortin' and +rushin' of the waters up and down, chasin' along the pipes in every +room, hammerin', kickin', shootin', like enraged artillery, at last +thundering like the most skairful clap of thunder and then with a +fearful roar the volume of water would mount up and pour into the spare +room and drizzle down into the settin' room below, takin' off the +plasterin' in spite of our very best efforts to bail it out. Over and +over agin wuz the wearisome and soul tuckerin' job carried out, varied +every time by Ury ketchin' Philury and fleein' with her, but the +distance shortened every time, till at last he fled with her no furder +than the top of the kitchen stairs. Karen's horrow struck, mortified +looks, Jabez'es entire absence of boastin', which in itself wuz dog +queer, and Rosy's instinctive turning to Royal for protection, which wuz +gladly granted. + +Over and over the seen wuz enacted, Jabez every time turnin' some screw +or valve or sunthin' and prophesyin' every time it would go right the +next time, but said it with feathers droopin', so to speak, more humble +like and doubtful. My poor pardner as he lugged up two heavy pails of +water at half-past nine P.M., I hearn him say: + +"Oh, gracious, Peter! is this two pails a year? This makes more'n a +hundred pails I've carried up to-night myself besides Ury's and +Jabezs'es." It wuzn't so, he hadn't carried up more'n thirty or forty +twelve quart pails. But yet I pitied him. Well, that also thundered and +deluged and guyzered out onto the floor accompanied by the drips and +drizzles into the settin' room, Ury's flight with Philury, Karen's +mourns, and Josiah's groans, for he had lost his pride and openly +groaned and jawed at Jabez and sez to him: + +"You dum fool you! you don't know beans from a broom stick! I wouldn't +trust you to make splinters to do up a dog's leg!" And Jabez jawed back +again, and Josiah sez, "I'll make you pay heavy damages for this job, +and I've as good a mind as I ever had to eat, to give you a good +floggin' with a rawhide." And as he grew madder and madder he went on: + +"This is your perfectly noiseless apparatus is it?" sez he pintin' down +towards the thunderin' roar, "this is your summer heat, hain't it?" +pintin' to the shiverin' crowd. "This is your freedom from +labor-two-pails-a-year job! one hundred pails of water have I lugged +upstairs to-night if I have a pint! Now," sez he, makin' towards him, +"do you start out of this house before I fall on you and rend you." +Karen screamed and rushed between 'em and fell onto Jabez and dragged +him off with her, he seemin' glad to go. + +Well, we let the fire go down as low as we could without goin' out, and +went to bed shiverin' and half froze, but with soap stuns and hot-water +bags we made out to git through the night. In the mornin' a sorry seen +greeted us, coldness, discomfort, broken plasterin' and dirt, and no +prospect to all appearance of havin' any better times. The only gleam of +light I could see in the hull prospect wuz that Josiah in his excitement +and wretchedness had seemin'ly forgot that he'd ever mentioned the +Exposition of St. Josiah. + +Well, right after breakfast Karen come over lookin' as if she hadn't +slep' a wink and sez she, "Jabez lay awake all night studyin' on it and +he knows now where he made the mistake, he pinted one small lead pipe up +where it ort to been pinted down, he can make it all right in an hour." + +Well, Josiah, so sure it is that the hottest love soonest cools, vowed +that Jabez should never step his foot into the house agin. And I wuz +glad enough to see that Rosy agreed with him. + +But I wuz naterally made more megum, and thought, any port in a storm, +and a hour won't be much anyway. If we've stood all this dirt and +confusion for five weeks we could stand it a hour longer. + +"Well," sez Josiah, "I shall go into the woods for a jag of maple, I +won't see him, I dassent, for I should fall on him and destroy him if I +did." + +So he went after a load of maple wood and Jabez come and tinkered and +hammered and pounded and then sayin' with some of his pride returned +into his port: + +"It will go now like clock work." + +He filled the tank and lit the fire agin with Ury's help. But I wuz glad +enough that Josiah wuz absent, for this time the noise wuz so skairful +that when Ury ketched Philury round the waist and absconded with her, he +didn't stop till they had ploughed through the snow clear past the old +hen house. + +I, too, ketched Rosy by the arm and run and stumbled along most to the +barn before I remembered myself and regained my faculties, so to speak, +it wuz so turrible this time the loud, angry, roarin', hissin' noise. + +Karen nobly stood by Jabez, who I must say stood by his job in that +respect, but I guess they went out into the hall, I thought I ketched a +glimpse of 'em, as I havin' regained my faculty, run in. We got in jest +after the deluge poured out agin, higher, louder and more steaminer than +ever, and when what few scraps of plaster remained on the settin' room +had fell victims to the bilin' flood. Well, we let the fire go down agin +and cowered over the kitchen stove that day, and agin went shiverin' to +bed. That night the weather moderated, and with a low fire in the +furnace, and the heat from the kitchen stove, we kep' middlin' warm. We +cleaned up the plaster, mopped the floor and wuz comparitively +comfortable for three days. The fourth night the fire in the furnace riz +up onbeknown to us in the night, and the first we knew we wuz waked up +by what we thought a loud clap of thunder overhead, accompanied by a +loud roar, and shakin' of the walls, and Josiah started up in bed and +sez, "Is the house struck, Samantha? Who ever heard of thunder at this +time of year? Or is it a earthquake?" + +But I gittin' holt of my conscientiousness quicker than he did, sez, +"Josiah Allen, it is that heatin' apparatus." And to confirm my words we +hearn the angry loud roar and the water splurgin' out over our heads and +drizzlin' down through the laths in the next room. Even as I spoke Rosy +come down stairs in her pretty pink wrapper, and sez she half asleep, +but wholly afraid, "Oh, Aunt Samantha, I do wish Royal was here! what a +fearful time!" sez she. + +And if you'll believe it, so onselfish is a woman's heart, even in the +midst of her deepest tribulations, and so kinder sentimental, her words +sent a faint ray of joy over my heart, some like the pale light of a +star shinin' out over a wild western tornado. But before I could reply +Ury come runnin' down stairs holdin' Philury, faithful critter that he +wuz, and Josiah yelled at him: "Do you go over to Kellup Wind's and +bring that cussed fool over here, and if he don't take out that +invention of his under ten minutes I will have the law on him, and whip +him within an inch of his life!" + +It wuz half-past three and we all got up, and I got breakfast by lamp +light. Ury come back and said Jabez had been studyin' for the hull of +the last three days and said he wuz absolutely sure now he knew what +ailed it, it wuz the little piece of pipe that led to the tank, it wuz +set in the wrong place, it would take about twenty minutes to fix it so +it would be entirely right. Josiah hollered out, "Be we goin' to be used +by that dum fool to try his experiments on? Let him take it out or I +will take it out and throw it at him!" + +But Karen had writ a note to me, pleadin' with me as a sister in the +meetin' house, to let Jabez have this sole chance, and I showed this +note to Josiah and sez, "For Karen's sake mebby we'd better let him try +it." + +"For Karen's sake!" he yelled out, "why should we pompey her? It is all +_her_ fault. What did she let him live for when he wuz a babe? She is to +the bottom of it, if it hadn't been for her lettin' him live we +shouldn't be in this state, up at midnight, hungry as bears, cold as +frogs, and our house a wreck!" + +But how true it is the noisest grief is soonest squenched. At last he +gin in and Jabez attacked it agin, and tinkered and puttered at it all +day, I watchin' Josiah clost for fear he would surround Jabez and fall +on him and demolish him in his anger. But all the difference his work +made it seemed as if the noise wuz a little louder and the flood more +tumultious and rushin' if it could be tumultiouser and rushiner. And by +my advice Jabez fled out of the suller door and streaked it for home +cross lots, for I feared that my beloved pardner might be led by his +righteous wrath, even into salt and buttery. + +Jest as Jabez streaked it home, I watchin' him from the buttery window +and also keepin' my pardner at bey in the milk room, I see a buggy drive +into the yard, and wuz I not glad to see the manly form and calm quiet +face of Royal Nelson. After he drove his handsome span of grays into the +horse barn he come in and I see his linement looked considerable +brighter and happier, brightenin' still more as he met Rosy's sweet +smiles and cordial words. + +She wuz sick of Jabez, sick as lobely could make her. And her old love +and leanin' on Royal Nelson had come back in full force. Her fancy for +Jabez had been light and transitory as his sir-name. And as I see their +happy means as they met, I felt that even the wreck and ruin about us +wuz mebby not too dear a price to pay for their future happiness. The +first thing Royal and Ury did, Josiah helpin' 'em, wuz to take out the +furnace and pipes, the hull caboodle on 'em, and then went over to +Jonesville and bought a new furnace and got a good responsible man to +put it in that very day. They telephoned to that hardware man to Zoar to +come and take away the remains of that invention, and how he settled +with Jabez I never knew, for Karen hushed it up, but I know there is a +coldness between 'em and they don't speak. + +Well, the places all bein' made in the walls, and this man bein' a good +workman, who had learnt his trade, that night about eight P.M. the hull +job wuz done, and stillness and genial warmth made the place seem almost +like Heaven compared to what it had been. The next day a man come and +plastered overhead, Ury and Philury helped clean the floors and put down +the carpets, and in three day's time everything wuz happy and calm and +quiet, and Josiah wuz beginnin' to recover from the effects of too +voylent wrath upon his nerve. + +Our noses had regained their natural color, and on the third day Rosy +with a last warm kiss and sweet smile on me and visey versey went home, +Royal carryin' her in his new covered buggy, drawed by them two handsome +gray horses. They wuz engaged, and their plans all made, they wuz to be +married in the summer and go to the St. Louis Exposition on their +weddin' tower. + +And I thought, as I see 'em drive off, happy as a king and queen in the +bright moonlight, how true it is our brightest joys often come through +darkest tribulations. Rosy's and Royal's happiness wuz enough in itself +to pay me abundantly for my tribulations. And then my settin' room new +plastered and Josiah would never consented to tear it off, and it wuz +lumpy and streaked and broken, and here it wuz new plastered over smooth +as glass. + +Oh! thinkses I how thankful I ort to be and how I ort to forgit the +troubles of the night in the joys of the mornin'. + +And crownin' blessin' of all Josiah had seemin'ly forgot all about the +Exposition of Josiah Allen. He hadn't mentioned it for days and the +children and I wuz full of hope, it wuz broke up. But, alas! in this +world how little you can tell what is broke and what hain't. + +And the news Josiah brung home, what comfort there wuz in the thought--I +like Karen and felt to rejoice with her. It seemed that Luman Heath, not +havin' heard of our afflictions, had let Jabez go on with his work the +very next day after he finished here. And the Perpetually Gushing Hot +Water Tank wuz the death blow to Jabez Wind's inventive ambition, and +alas! proved almost the death blow to Luman Heath's beloved ones, the +hull family circle on 'em. + +He attached it to the kitchen stove, which wuz a perfect steamer to burn +and heat up. And fixed it so that instead of the hot water goin' acrost +the room to the kitchen sink as he meant to have it, it jest squirted +right up into the air bilin' hot, so they had a perfect fiery geyser +there in their kitchen. Jabez run for his life, it had hit him in the +face. + +They wuz Methodist folks with lots of children well brung up and they +never thought of havin' such doin's in their house, but the bilin' +crater pourin' down hot water come so sudden and onexpected onto 'em +that three of the little children wuz scalded most to-death as they sot +on the floor readin' Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress." And Luman, +bald-headed, too, the fiery flood descended onto him while he wuz tryin' +to bear his wife, who fell into hystericks, into the settin' room, he +wuz hit on top by the bilin' torrent and blistered right on his bare +head as big as your hand. + +He laid his wife down half faintin', told the screamin' children to look +out for her and keep out of the kitchen, hollered for the hired man to +go after a doctor, and fell back into a kind of spazzum. He bein' a good +man who wouldn't swear, or rare round kep in his feelin's more. The +children got over it before he did, bad as they wuz scalded, they +screamed and yelled and let off considerable steam that way. But he wuz +bed sick for weeks holdin' onto his wrath and bein' too good to jaw and +kick Jabez, the doctor said made it worse than if he had kicked some. + +But to resoom backwards. The hired girl wuz the coolest of any of 'em, +she went into the kitchen with a waterproof and umbrella, and tried to +turn the nozzle of the Perpetual Gushing Hot Water Tank out-doors, and +havin' to use both hands, and bein' smart and quick witted, she put the +coal scuttle on bottom side up, and though blinded by it and some +scalded, she made out to turn the fury of it out through the kitchen +winder where it steamed and squirted and poured out bilin' water onto +the flower beds and acrost 'em into the road, scaldin' passers by, and +bein' a perfect horrow and mystery to 'em. It wuz big and powerful, +there hain't no doubt of that. + +Well, owin' to the hired girl's courage, by the time the doctor got +there the tank wuz emptied, and the torrent had subsided into a drizzle. +Luman Heath didn't prosecute Jabez, bein' such a good man, and how I +honor him for it, how I honor him for not actin' and swearin'. The +doctor may say what he wants to, he wuz noble to bear it as he did. I +have seen kickin' and actin' in times of trial, and how I honor a man +who can refrain, and he got well as quick, I believe, as though he had +acted. + +But as I wuz sayin' the greatest relief that come to the community from +our trials wuz as follers. Take it with his doin's at our house and +Luman Heath's, Jabez Wind had evidently had enough of inventions. He +hired out for a year the very next day after the eppisode, to work for +twenty dollars a month on a farm, house rent, wood, and cow furnished. +Kellup Wind is goin' to live with a daughter, and Karen is blissful at +thought of keepin' house for Jabez. Good creeter! I hope she will have a +little rest now. I said I meant to go and see her jest as soon as she +wuz settled. + +Well, for two days my feelin's of joy and thankfulness wuz onclouded. +But alas, poor mortals! that plant the flowers of their happiness on +earthly sile, they must see 'em wither before their face and eyes anon +or oftener like Jonah's gourd. + +The third day, whilst I wuz settin' happy and calm in my frame in my +warm peaceful settin' room often liftin' my eyes contentedly to the +satin smooth ceilin'. + +What wuz my emotions of grief and horrow to see Josiah rise up, haul out +his tin trunk where he'd carefuly stored away the plans of the St. +Josiah Exposition, and go to studyin' 'em agin with renewed vigor, +sayin': + +"I hope to gracious I can have my mind clear now to go on and plan my +Exposition; this dum work has set me back turribly." + +I let my work fall into my lap and gin vent to some sithes, so deep they +wuz almost groans, whilst the bitter waters of disappintment trickled +over my hopes and drownded 'em out. Had I got to go through another +siege of argument and persuasion and extra vittles? Could my too hard +worked oratory hold out, and also my provisions? + +I see the children next day and told 'em how it wuz, that their Pa +seemed more sot on his plan than ever, and talked more excited and +earnest about it than I had ever seen him. For it did seem as if his +deep ambitions dammed up for a time by furnaces and Jabezeses, had broke +loose into a wider, deeper current than ever. He talked incessantly +about it day and night, laid on his plans, and reached out onto new +ones. + +The children sez to me agin: "Mother, it must be stopped at all +hazards!" + +And agin I wep', and sez to 'em: "How can it be stopped?" + +Tirzah Ann looked completely squelched and could do nothin' only weakly +ask: "If I spozed I could git him to play on a accordeon, she kinder +thought that some time she'd hearn of some man, somewhere havin' his +mind soothed by one." + +"Accordeon!" sez I. "You couldn't git his mind offen that plan if you +gin him one of the golden harps we read about." + +Tirzah Ann subsided, only sayin': "We would all be the town's talk, and +it would probable kill her with mortification." + +Thomas J. sot still with his brow knit in deep thought and sez "I will +try one thing more." + +I never knew exactly how Thomas J. worked it, or what he paid 'em, but I +know that a day or two after, the prices them livin' statutes asked +Josiah for bein' whitewashed, wuz sunthin' perfectly exorbitant, and so +with the Powers and the Peaceful Inventors. He never could stood it with +his closeness. + +Thomas J. didn't appear outwardly, but wuz the power behind the thrones, +so I spoze. When Josiah wuz taxed with these fearful expenses (they writ +it in letters to him) his plan tottled ready to fall. And of course I +stood ready and follered it up with eloquent arguments, tenderness and +the very best of vittles. Neither on 'em could carried the day alone, +but all together conquered. He gin in. The plan tottered over and fell +onto him, and my pardner, to continue the metafor, lay under the ruins +as squshed and mute as if he wuz never goin' to git up agin. + +But when his wild emotions of ambition and vanity and display wuz all +broke up a settled melancholy hovered down onto him and draped him like +a black mantilly. He seemed all onstrung, and all my efforts to string +him up agin seemed vain. + +I strove to hide my apprehensions under a holler veil of calmness and +even hilarity; I give him catnip with a smile on my lip but deep +forebodin' in my mind, and the same with thoroughwert. But catnip didn't +nip his ambition and thoroughwort wuzn't thorough enough to restore his +cheerfulness. + +I encouraged him to go to the lake fishin' with Deacon Henzy, though I'd +suffered more than I had ever told from similar occasions. Deacon Henzy +loves hard cider and keeps a kag on tap durin' the summer, he sez it is +for his liver, but liver or no liver it hain't right. + +I hain't goin' to make no insinuations about their doin's though sister +Henzy has approached me on the subject time and agin, she hain't so +clost mouthed as I am. But I will merely say that when they got back +their two breaths didn't smell as two deacon's breaths ort to smell. But +I didn't say nothin' about it outside and shan't, I use tack. I spoke +on't to Josiah at the time, yes indeed I hearn the call of Duty and +obeyed. + +But as I wuz sayin', though it trompled on all my feelin's and +forebodin's I urged 'em to go agin and they went. And I shan't tell how +their breaths smelt when they got back--it hain't best, only simply +sayin' that Josiah took an empty pint fruit can with him that mornin' +when he went over to the Deacon's to start, and I never inquired what he +took it for, so fur will a female let even her principles be outraged +when the life of her beloved companion is at the stake--I tried to think +he wuz goin' to take milk in it. + +But the small string of tiny fish wuz all he ketched out of the deep +waters, he didn't ketch any cheerfulness or happiness for himself or me, +only disappintment and shagrin for I felt if I didn't use all my tack +mebby the meetin' house would try to set down on him. Two deacons! the +very idee on't! + +But I kep' mum and dressed the fish myself and fried 'em in butter, only +hopin' I wouldn't lose 'em in the fryin' pan, but Josiah didn't seem to +relish 'em no better than he would side pork, and agin I felt baffled, +and rememberin' the fruit can, a element of guilt also mingled with the +baffle. Biled vittles with a bag puddin' which he loved almost to +idolatry I put before him in vain; I petted him; I called him "dear +Josiah" repeatedly; I fairly pompeyed him, but no change could I see, I +felt turrible. + +He still kep' a runnin' down and I didn't know when he would stop +runnin' and I shuddered to think where he might run to. At last in spite +of Josiah's onwillingness I sent for Doctor Bombus. He come and took his +wrist in hisen and Josiah sez kinder mad actin': "What do you want to +feel of my polt for? My polt beats all right!" + +He looked at his tongue, Josiah stickin' it out as if he wuz makin' a +face at him. He inquired about symptoms, all of which Josiah answered +snappishly, the examination over, the doctor walked the floor back and +forth with one hand under his coat tail and the other in his breast in +deep thought and then said: + +[Illustration] + +"My diagnosis denotes no diametrical and insurmountable difficulties but +I would recommend a temporary transition or in other words a change of +climate." + +"Change of climate!" muttered Josiah, "I guess anybody that lives in +this state gits changes enough, from torrid to zero in twenty-four hours +lots of times--I'd like to know where you wintered!" + +"Nevertheless and notwithstanding," sez Doctor Bombus, blandly ignoring +Josiah's muttering impatience, "I can but recapitulate my former +prescription, a temporary translation from surrounding environment." + +And he gathered up his saddle bags and went out, bagoning me out into +the hall as he did so. And then he advised me to take him to the St. +Louis Exposition. + +But I sez, "I dassent, I'm afraid it would open his woonds afresh, he +knowed all the circumstances that had caused his sickness." But he wuz a +Homeopath and believed in takin' the same kind of medicine backward and +forward as it were, sunthin' as the poem runs: + +Tobacco hic when you're well will make you sick, +Tobacco hic will make you well when you're sick. + +I told him I thought it wuz a hazardous undertakin', and I hardly dast, +but he informed me in words more'n two inches long that he could do +nothing more for him, and if I didn't foller his advice it would be at +my own peril. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +I felt turrible. What wuz I to do to do right? How wuz I to handle this +enormous prescription, St. Louis Exposition, and give it in proper doses +to the beloved patient? I knowed the size of the mind I had to deal +with, I knowed the size of the medicine I wuz told to deal out to that +mind. + +Could it stand the strain? Could that small citadel stand a assault of +such magnitude without crumplin' and crumblin' right down? Dast I +venter? And then agin dast I disobey the imperative advice of Doctor +Bombus? So I wuz tossted to and fro like the waves of the sea. + +But one thing I wuz determined on, I wouldn't start alone with him in +the state he wuz in, for if he should lose his mind in that immense +place how could I find it with no one to help me? It would be worse than +lookin' for a cambric needle in a hay-mow. + +I knew how the shafts of calumny and envy might be aimed at me by his +relations, so I would take along one on his side to share my +responsibility, so if he did lose his mind and couldn't find it agin, +they couldn't find fault with me and say I hadn't done my best. So I +proposed that his niece, Blandina Teeter, should go with us, she is well +off and a willin' creeter. + +[Illustration] + +Josiah didn't seem to care either way, but languidly remarked that if he +did go he wanted a sky blue neck-tie. That wuz the first sign of +interest he had took in anything, and I hailed it as a good omen but got +the tie as dark a blue as I dast. + +Blandina Teeter, formerly Allen, is a widder with a tall spindlin' +figger pale complected, with big light blue eyes that ruther stand out +of her head, and a tall peaked forehead with light hair combed down +smooth on both sides with scalops made in it by hand. She is good +natered to a fault, you know you can kill yourself on milk porridge, and +though folks don't philosophize on it you can be too good to be +comfortable. + +She is a natural lover of mankind, nothin' light in it, jest a deep +meetin' house love. She wuz born that way onbeknown to her I spoze, and +so I d'no as I ort to blame her for her soft ways. I hadn't seen her for +some years and had kinder forgot how soft and squshy she wuz in her +nater, and I declare for't when I got her and Josiah both together, had +marshaled my forces, as you may say before my mind's review, I didn't +know how I wuz goin' to git 'em to St. Louis and back agin hull. It did +seem to me that if I got through all right with Josiah, she wuz that +soft and meller she would spile on my hands anyway. + +But she wuz the only one on his side available in the position of second +chaperone to Josiah and so I took my chances. + +She had been a widder some years; Teeter had used her shameful, spent +her property and throwed her round considerable, but still she kep' up +her perennial love and passionate adoration of man. And thinkses I it +will work well anyway with her Uncle Josiah, for lovin' all mankind as +she did from infancy to age, I knowed that bein' the only male in the +party she would keep her eye on him. + +Blandina wuz more than willin' when I explained matters to her. She said +she felt that men wuz such precious creeters that too much care could +not be took of 'em, and that it would give her the greatest pleasure to +surround her Uncle Josiah with all the care that a most devoted +affection could dictate. + +She's an awful clever critter, it hain't good nater that she lacks. But +there is sunthin' wantin' in her, I believe it is common sense. + +But we sot out, I with considerable misgivin' at heart, but calm and +cool on the outside, clad as I wuz in dignity and a gray braize delaine +dress and a bunnet of the same color, I also wore my costly cameo pin +fastened in my linen collar. Some gray lisle thread gloves and a rich +Paisley shawl completed my _toot a sembly_. + +Blandina had on a soft yellerish dress, I guess it wuz lawn it looked +most as soft as she did, and a hat that kinder drooped 'round her face +trimmed with crushed strawberry roses. She also wore some open-work +mitts, and a lace long shawl that had been her ma's. + +Josiah had on his pepper and salt costoom, and in my partial eyes he wuz +beautiful, but, oh, so sad, so deprested. Would the gloom ever be lifted +from his beloved liniment? So my heart questioned itself as we helped +ourselves out of the Democrat, Ury tendin' to the trunks. + +It wuz a Monday mornin', for I felt that I wanted to tackle this job +jest as I would a three weeks' washin', the first day of the week. Ury +shook our hands firmly but sadly, promisin' to the last to see to things +and not let the cows into the garden, and keep the buttery door shet up +nights, for though the cat is not a habitual snooper, yet she will +sometimes snoop. + +The car wuz crowded, mebby folks had hearn of our goin' and wanted to +ride a spell with us. 'Tennyrate Josiah and I had to be separated at the +outset of our journey, he settin' with a man acrost the aisle; Blandina +got a seat with an aged gentleman while I sot down with a pale +complected woman in deep mournin'. Or at least what mournin' she had wuz +deep. She wore a thick crape veil and black cotton gloves. But her dress +wuz chocklate delaine. The mournin' wuz borryed, she told me most as +soon as I sot down. + +She wuz on the way to the funeral of her father. He had lived with her, +but died while he wuz on a visit to her sister. She wuz feelin' dretful +and said she didn't know what she would do without him; she took on real +bad, and I sez, "Yes, losin' a pa is an awful loss." + +"Yes," sez she, "pa wuz a dretful good man. I don't see what we're goin' +to do without him; we shall miss him so makin' line fences. He knew all +about where they ort to stand." + +I wuz kinder took back. But then come to think it over I see it wuz +better to be missed in line fences than not at all. She got out at the +next station, and my own pardner took the vacant seat by my side, and on +and on we wuz whirled from the peaceful shores of Jonesville to the +pleasures and dangers of the great city. + +As I said, I wanted to get to St. Louis the first of the week, but +Josiah took it into his head that he wanted to visit his nephew, Orange +Allen, who lives in the Ohio, and under the circumstances it wuz not for +me to cross him in anything that wuz more or less reasonable. So we +stopped there and had a good visit. He keeps a dairy farm and owns forty +cows besides a wife and three young children; he is doing well. His pa +havin' a horticultural and floral turn of mind, named his two boys Lemon +and Orange. His girls are Lily, Rose and Violet. Lily is dark complected +and so fat that she looks like a pillar with a string tied in the +middle, and Rose and Violet are as humbly as they make but respectable. +Folks ort to be more cautious in namin' children, but they're all +married quite well, and we had a good visit with 'em, stayin' most of +the time at Orange's. + +And I see with joy that the shadder on my pardner's face lifted quite a +little durin' our stay there, but of course this belated us and we +didn't git to St. Louis till Saturday late in the afternoon. St. Louis +is a big sizeable place. Mr. Laclede cut the tree for the first +log-house in the forest where St. Louis now stands in 1764. America had +several cities all started at that time, but St. Louis jest put in and +growed, and now it is the fourth city in the United States. It's an +awful worker, why it produces more in its factories than is produced by +the hull of thirty-seven States, jest think on't! And it has thirty-two +million folks to buy the things it produces. Twenty-seven railways run +into it; the city rules itself and leads the world in many manufactures. +They say it is the richest community in the world, and I couldn't +dispute it, for they seemed jest rollin' in riches all the while I wuz +there; wuzn't put to it for a thing so fur as I could see. + +It is noted for its charities; it has the biggest Sunday-school in the +world, two thousand three hundred and forty-four children in one +school--jest think on't! Its Union railroad station is the finest in the +Universe, so they say, and jest the buildin' covers twenty acres. And it +has the greatest bridge over the greatest river in the world. + +But everything has its drawbacks, the water there hain't like Jonesville +water; I don't say it to twit 'em, but it is a solemn truth, the water +is riley, they can't dispute it. I'd love to hand 'em out a pailful now +and then from our well, and would if I had the chance--how they would +enjoy it. + +Blandina and I wanted to go to once to Miss Huff's, a woman we used to +know in Jonesville who keeps a small boardin' house. + +But Josiah, who had seen pictures on't, wanted to go to the Inside Inn. +He said they'd advertised cheap rooms, it would have a stylish sound to +tell on't in Jonesville and it would be so handy and equinomical for we +wouldn't have to pay entrance fees. So to please him, which wuz the main +effort of us two chaperones, we went there. We wuz tired to death that +night anyway, and wanted a quiet haven and wanted it to once, for truly +when Josiah pinted out the elegant buildin's that we passed I looked +coldly on 'em, and said that there wuzn't one that looked so good to me +as a goose feather piller would. And I had made up my mind that I +wouldn't take a note or act as a Observer at all till Monday mornin'. So +I faced the crowd and the Fair ground as not seein' 'em as it were, +carryin' out my firm idee to begin' the job as Observer and Delineator +the first day of the week. + +The Inside Inn we found wuz a buildin' as big as the hull of our +neighborhood and I d'no but part of Loontown and Zoar, it wuz immense. +And everywhere you'd look you would see this sign pasted up: + +"Pay In Advance! Pay In Advance!" + +Josiah acted real puggicky about it, he said he believed they had hearn +we wuz comin' and got them signs printed for fear we would cheat 'em out +of their pay or wuzn't able to pay. And he sez, "I'll let 'em know I am +a solid man and have got money!" And he took out his little leather bag +where he keeps the most of his money and showed 'em in a careless way, +as much as fifteen dollars in cash. + +I told him it wuz venturesome to show off so much money, but he said he +wuzn't goin' to have 'em insinuatin' in this mean underhanded way that +we couldn't pay our bills. + +Blandina would pay her own bills, but then she's got plenty and Josiah +said, "Let her pay for herself if she wants to." And I said: + +"Well, I spoze it will make her feel better to pay her way." + +"Yes," he sez, "and it makes me feel better too." + +A young chap took our satchel bags and went to show us our room, and we +went through one long hall after another, and walked and walked and +walked, till I thought we should drop down. And finally Josiah stopped +in his tracks and faced the feller, and sez he: + +"Look here, young man, what do you take us for? We hain't runnin' for +mail carriers, and we hain't niggers trainin' for a cake walk. We'd love +to git a room and set down some time to-day!" + +"Yes, sir," sez the man, "we are most to your rooms." And he turned and +begun to go down stairs, and we follered him down two flights and +started for a third one, and then Josiah faced him agin: + +"What in Tunket ails you, anyway? Because we come from the country we +don't propose to be put down suller amongst your cabbages and turnips! I +want you to take us to some good rooms; I've paid in advance, dum you! +and I'm goin' to stand for my rights." + +"Yes, sir," sez the man, "they're good rooms." + +And I knowin' we wuz three to one and if he wuz leadin' us off into a +trap to git Josiah's money we could overpower him, I wunked for Josiah +to keep still, but he wouldn't, but kep' on mutterin' whilst the man led +us down two more flights, and into some quite good rooms, only if you'll +believe it there wuz a tree growin' right up through our room as big as +Josiah's waist. + +And that made Josiah as mad as a hen agin, and he told the man, "We've +been imposed upon ever since we entered this house. You knew we lived on +the outskirts of Jonesville, and you've took liberties with us that you +wouldn't if we had come from the heart of the village. But I'll let you +know we're knowed and respected, and Jonesville will resent it to think +you've put us in with trees, tryin' to make out we're green, I spoze." + +But the man wuz up two flights of stairs by this time. And I quelled +Josiah down by sayin' we would try to make the best on't. The hotel is +built on a side hill, that's why we had to come down stairs; there are +four stories more in the back than in front, and they wouldn't let 'em +cut down all the trees so they had to build right round 'em. + +But I ruther enjoyed it, and hung my mantilly up on it, there wuz some +nails that somebody had left in it, and the tabs hung down noble. And as +I told Josiah, "Trees are kinder sociable things anyway." + +"Sociable!" he groaned. "We don't need trees in order to be sociable." +And sure enough, on both sides on us wuz goin' on private conversations +that we could hear every word on. It wuz a very friendly place. + +Well, I het up my little alcohol lamp and made a cup of tea and we had +lots left in our lunch basket. So I called Blandina, her room wuz only +jest a little ways from ourn, and we had a good lunch and felt +recooperated. + +We slep' as well as we could considerin' the size and hardness of the +mattress and pillows, and the confidences that wuz bein' poured into us +onbeknown from both sides. + +The house is built dretful shammy. Why I hearn that a man weighin' most +three hundred took a room there, and comin' in one evenin' dretful tired +from the day's tramp on the Fair ground leaned up heavy aginst the wall +to pull off his boots, and broke right through into the next room. + +And that room wuz occupied by a young married couple. You know it wuz +dretful fashionable to marry and go to St. Louis on your tower. So +they'd follered Fashion and the star of Love and wuz havin' a first rate +time. + +They had been there several days, and this evenin', he thinkin' his eyes +of her, and feelin' very sentimental as wuz nateral, wuz readin' poetry +to her, she settin' the picture of happiness and contentment with her +feet on a foot-stool, her pretty hands clasped in her lap, and her eyes +lookin' up adorin'ly into hisen as he read: + +"Oh, beautious love, sweet realm of joy, +No wild alarm shall ere thy sweet calm break." + +When crash! bang! down come the partition with a half dressed man on +top, brandishin' aloft a boot and screamin' like a painter, as wuz only +natural. He broke right into Love's Sweet Realm and skairt 'em into +fits. + +She fell to once into highstericks, and he, when he recovered +conscientiousness threatened to lick the man, and everybody in St. +Louis, and made the air blue with conversation that the Realm of Love +never ort to hearn on, and wouldn't probable for years and years if it +hadn't been for this _contrary temps_. + +I hearn this, but don't say it is so; you can hear most anything and it +held us in all right. + +The next day, bein' Sunday, Josiah thought it would be our duty to stay +on the Fair ground and see the Pike, etc. But I sez: "Josiah, we will +begin this hefty job right, we will go to meetin'." + +So we went out into the city and hunted up a M.E. meetin' house and +hearn a good sermon and went into class meetin' and gin testimonies both +on us. And Blandina bein' asked to by a man went forward for prayers and +sot for a spell on the sinners' bench. She's been a member for years, +but she's such a clever creeter she wants to obleege everybody. + +Well, havin' done our three duties we went back peaceful and pious in +frame and went to walk in of course to our own temporary home. But what +do you think! that misuble, cheatin' man at the gate asked us to pay to +git in. We hearn afterward that this wuz a dishonest man and wuz sent +off. + +"Pay!" sez Josiah. "Pay to come home from meetin'? Did you want us to +hang round the meetin' house all day and sleep on the steps? Or what did +you want?" + +The man kep' that stuny look onto him and sez, "Fifty cents each." + +Josiah fairly trembled with rage as he handed out the money, and sez he +in a threatenin' way, "You hain't hearn the last of this, young man. +Square Baker of Jonesville will git onto your tracks, and you'd better +have a tiger after you than have him when he's rousted up. Pay for +comin' home from meetin', it is a disgrace to the nation! Call this a +land of liberty when you have to pay for comin' home from meetin'!" + +And sez he, as he took his change back, "Do you know what you're doin'? +You're drivin' Samantha and me away from this place, and Blandina." And +sez he, with an air of shootin' his sharpest arrer, "We shall go to Miss +Huff's to-morry." + +And so we did. Blandina and I wanted to go there in the first place, so +we felt well about it. We had fulfilled our duties as chaperones to the +fullest extent, and had also got our own two ways in the end, which is +always comfortin' to a woman. + +We found Miss Huff settled in a pleasant street in a good comfortable +home, not so very fur away from the Fair ground. She's a widder with one +son, young and good lookin', jest home from school; and a aged parent, +toothless and no more hair on his head than on the cover of my glass +butter dish. And I'll be hanged if I knowed which one on 'em Blandina +paid the most devoted attention to whilst we wuz there, but nothin' +light and triflin'. + +She is likely, her morals mebby bein' able to stand more bein' so sort +o' withy and soft than if they wuz more hard and brittle, they could +bend round considerable without breakin'. + +And Miss Huff had also a little grand-niece, Dorothy Evans, whose mother +had passed away, and Miss Huff bein' next of kin had took into her +family to take care of. Dretful clever I thought it wuz of Miss Huff. +Dorothy's mother, I guess, didn't have much faculty and spent everything +as she went along; she had an annuity that died with her, but she had +been well enough off so she could hire a nurse for the child, an elderly +colored woman, Aunt Tryphena by name, who out of love for the little one +had offered to come to Miss Huff's just to be near the little girl. + +And Dotie, as they well called her, for everyone doted on her, wuz as +sweet a little fairy as I ever see, her pretty golden head carried +sunshine wherever it went. And her big blue eyes, full of mischief +sometimes, wuz also full of the solemn sweetness of them "Who do always +behold the face of the Father." + +I took to her from the very first, and so did Josiah and Blandina. The +hull family loved and petted her from Miss Huff and her old father down +to Billy, who alternately petted and teased her. + +To Aunt Tryphena she wuz an object of perfect adoration. And Aunt +Tryphena wuz a character uneek and standin' alone. When she wuz made the +mould wuz throwed away and never used afterwards. She follered Dorothy +round like her shadow and helped make the beds and keep the rooms tidy, +a sort of chamber-maid, or ruther chamber-woman, for she wuz sixty if +she wuz a day. + +Besides Aunt Tryphena Miss Huff had two more girls to cook and clean. +She had good help and sot a good table, and Aunt Feeny as they called +her wuz a source of constant amusement and interest; but of her more +anon. + +We got to Miss Huff's in the afternoon and rested the rest of that day +and had a good night's sleep. + +In the mornin' Josiah, who went out at my request before breakfast to +buy a little peppermint essence, come in burnin' with indignation, his +morals are like iron (most of the time). + +He said a man had been advisin' him to take the Immoral Railway as the +best way of seein' the Fair grounds as a hull before we branched out to +see things more minutely one by one. + +"Immoral Railway!" he snorted out agin. + +"I hope you didn't fall in with any such idee, Josiah Allen." And I +sithed as I thought how many took that kind of railway and wuz whirled +into ruin on't. + +"Fall in with it! I guess the man that spoke to me about it thought I +didn't fall in with it. I gin that feller a piece of my mind." + +"I hope you didn't give him too big a piece," sez I anxiously; "you know +you hain't got a bit to spare, specially at this time." + +Oh, how I watched over that man day by day! I wanted the peppermint more +for him than for me. I laid out if he seemed likely to break down to +give him a peppermint sling. + +Not that I am one of them who when fur away from home dash out into +forbidden paths and dissipation, but I didn't consider peppermint sling +wrong anyway, there hain't much stimulant to it. + +Well, we started out for the Fair in pretty good season in the mornin', +Billy Huff offered to go and put us on the right car, so he walked ahead +with Blandina, Josiah and I follerin' clost in their rears. Blandina +looked up at him and follered his remarks as clost and stiddy as a +sunflower follers the sun. She had told me that mornin' whilst I wuz +gittin' ready to start that he wuz the loveliest young man she had ever +met, and a woman would be happy indeed who won him for her consort. And +I said, as I pinned my collar on more firmly with my cameo pin, that I +presoomed that he would make a good man and pardner when he growed up. + +And she said, "Difference in age don't count anything when there is true +love." Sez she, "Look at Aaron Burr and Lord Baconsfield," and she brung +up a number more for me to look at mentally, whilst I wuz drapin' my +mantilly round my frame in graceful folds. + +But I told her I didn't seem to want to spend my time on them old ghosts +that mornin', havin' such a big job on my hands to tackle that day as +first chaperone to Josiah, and I got her mind off for the time bein', by +the time I had fastened on my mantilly so the tabs hung as I wanted 'em +to hang. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Josiah wuz for goin' into the show by the entrance nighest to Miss +Huff's, but I said, "No, that may do for other times, but when I first +enter this Fair ground as a Observer" (for in our visit to the Inside Inn +we wuz only weary wayfarers, too tired to observe, and the Sabbath we +felt wuz no time to jot down impressions). No, this day I felt wuz in +reality our _dayboo_, and I sez impressively, "I will not go sneakin' in +by any side door or winder, I'm goin' to enter by the main gateway." + +Josiah kinder hummed: + +"Broad is the road that leads to death +And thousands walk together there." + +But when he found we could go in there at the same price he didn't +parley further, and Billy took us to the car that would leave us where I +wanted to be. + +The main entrance is in itself a noble sight worth goin' milds and milds +to see, a long handsome buildin' curvin' round gracefully some in shape +like a mammoth U only bendin' round more at the ends, and endin' with +handsome buildin's, and tall pillars decorate the hull length and flags +wave out nobly all along on top. + +Mebby it wuz meant for a U and meant Union, a name good enough for +entrance into anything or anywhere. And if it wuz I approved on't, and +would encouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so if they'd asked me beforehand. +Union! a name commandin' world-wide respect, writ in blue and gray on +millions of hearts, sealed with precious blood. + +The centre of the long buildin' peaks up and arches over you in such a +lofty and magnificent way that you feel there some as Miss Sheba must +have felt when she went to visit Mr. and Miss Solomon or the Misses +Solomon, I spoze I ort to say, he had a variety of wives, though it is +nothin' I ever approved on, and would told him so if I'd had the chance. + +But good land! Mr. Solomon never had any sights to show Miss Sheba +approachin' this Fair, I wouldn't been afraid to take my oath on't. + +We riz the flight of steps which hundreds and hundreds could rise +similtaneously and abreast, paid our three fares and went in. And when +you first stand inside of that gate the beauty jest strikes you in your +face some like a great flash of lightnin', only meller and happifyin' +instead of blindin'. + +And the vastness of it as you look on every side on you impresses you so +you feel sunthin' as you would if you wuz sot down on the Desert of +Sara, and Sara wuz turned into vistas of bewilderin' beauty towards +every pint of her compass. + +There wuz broad, smooth paths leadin' out on every side all on 'em full +of folks from every country in the world, and clad in every costoom you +ever see or ever didn't see before. Folks in plain American dress side +by side with dark complected folks wropped up seemin'ly in white sheets, +jest their black-bearded faces and flashin' eyes gleamin' at you from +the drapery. Then there would be mebby a pretty young girl with a +rose-bud face under a lace parasol. Two sweet-faced nuns in sombry black +with their pure white night caps on under their clost black bunnets and +veils, and follerin' them some fierce lookin' creeters in red baggy +trousers embroidered jackets and skull caps with long tossels on 'em; +Persians mebby, or Arabs. + +As Josiah looked at these last I hearn him murmur as if to himself, "Why +under the sun didn't Samantha put in my dressin' gown with tossels, and +the smokin' cap Thomas J. gin me, I could showed off some then." + +But I pretended not to hear him for my eyes wuz fastened on the passin' +pageant. Smart lookin' bizness men with handsome well-dressed wives and +children, then a Injun with striped blanket, beaded moccasins and +head-dress of high feathers. Then a American widder, mebby a plain one, +and mebby grass; then some more wimmen. Then some Chinamen with long +dresses and pig-tails follered by some gawky, awkwud country folks; some +more smart-lookin' Americans. Some English tourists with field-glasses +strapped over one shoulder. Some Fillipinos in yellerish costoom. Then a +kodak fiend ready to aim at anything or nothin' and hit it; then some +Scotchmen in Tarten dress and follerin' clost some Japans, lots and lots +of them scattered along. Then some brown children and their mothers, the +children dressed mostly in a sash and some beads, and some more pretty +white children dressed elaborate, and some niggers, and some soldiers, +and some more wimmen, and more folks, and some more, and some more, in a +stiddy and endless stream. + +Good land! I couldn't sort out and describe them that passed by in an +hour even, no more than I could sort out and describe the slate stuns in +Jonesville creek, and you well know that wagon loads could be took out +of one little spot. + +Josiah said to me, "Why jest to look at this crowd, Samantha, pays +anybody for comin' here clear from the Antipathies." + +Sez I, "Josiah, you mean the Antipodes." + +"I mean what I say!" he snapped out, "and les's be movin' on, no use +standin' here all day." + +He don't love to be corrected. But truly that immense and strangely +assorted crowd constantly comin', constantly goin' and changin' all the +time wuz a sight well worth comin' from Jonesville to see, even if we +didn't see a thing more. But, oh, what didn't we see! what a glorious +sight as our eyes left the crowd and looked 'round us. Why the wonder +and beauty on't fairly struck you in the face some like a flash of +lightnin' only more meller and happifyin'. + +There you are in the beautiful Court of St. Louis. And right in the +centre sets Saint Louis himself on a prancin' horse, holdin' up a cross, +I wuz glad to see that cross held up as if in benediction over all the +immense crowd below, it seemed as if it begun the Fair right, jest as it +begins the week right to go to meetin' Sunday. + +I always sot store by Saint Louis. Leadin' them Crusades of hisen to +protect Christians and free the Holy Land from lawless invaders. How +much I thought on him for it. Though I could advised him for his good in +lots of things if I'd been 'round. + +Now his marryin' a girl twelve years old who ort to been in pantalettes +and high aprons, I should tried to break it up, I should told him plain +and square that I wouldn't have heard for a minute to his marryin' our +Tirzah Ann at that age. She shouldn't married him if he'd been King +Louis twenty or thirty instead of nine. But I wuzn't there and he went +on and had his way, as men will. + +But he acted noble in lots of things, made a wise ruler and a generous +one, lived and died like a hero. And I was glad to see him riz up in +such a sightly place, holdin' up the cross he wuz willin' to give his +life for. + +He looked first rate, he wore a sort of a helmet and had a cloak on, +shaped some like my long circle cape, only it didn't set so good, and I +wuz sorry they didn't have my pattern to cut it by. Hisen kinder curled +up at the back, they ort to cut it ketterin'. Two noble statutes stood +on each side on him, kinder guardin' him as it were, though he didn't +need it as long as he clung to the cross. Scattered all along by the +side of the broad paths wuz little green oasises, on which the +splendor-tired and people-tired eyes could rest and recooperate a +little. + +In front of you quite a little ways off on each side stood immense +snow-white palaces each one on 'em seemin' more beautiful than the last +one you looked at, full of sculptured beauty and with long, long rows of +pearl white collumns and ornaments of all kinds. Beyond, but still as it +were in the foreground, as it ort to, high up on a lofty pedestal stood +the statute of Peace. + +My pardner, who for reasons named, wuz inclined to pick flaws in this +glorious Exposition, sez to me: + +"What's the use of sculpin' Peace up on so high a monument and showin' +her off as if she wuz safe and sound, and then histin' cannons up right +by her throwin' balls that will travel twenty milds and then knock her +sky high." + +I sithed, but almost onbeknown to myself looked at the Cross, and hoped +that that divine light would go ahead through the wilderness of world +warfare makin' a safe path, so Peace could git down from her high +monument bime-by and walk round some through the world without gittin' +her head blowed off. + +Smilin' and gleamin' jest beyond wuz the bright sunny waters on which +little boats painted in bright colors with gay awnin's wuz glidin' about +here and there, and bursts of melodious song come from the gayly attired +boatmen anon or oftener. And furder on wuz the Grand Basin, a large +beautiful piece of water, and back on't down a green hill seventy feet +high leaps and bounds and gurgles and sings three glitterin' cascades, +each one seemin' to start out from a splendid buildin' up on the hill. + +The ones on the side smaller, but the middle one a grand and stately +palace called Festival Hall, and jinin' these three buildin's together +are what they call the Collonnade of States. A impressive row of +snow-white pillows, and on them pillows, settin' up in the place of +honor, are big statutes of female wimmen, fourteen in number, symbolic +of the original States of the Louisiana Purchase. + +I wanted to go right up to Festival Hall the first minute, it didn't +seem fur it wuz through such seens of bewilderin' beauty, but a +bystander standin' by said it wuz half a mild. + +But Josiah kinder nudged me and said, "Mebby we'd better take the +Immoral Railway. With you by my side, Samantha, I feel I can face its +dangers." + +Sez I, "Where has your principle gone that you had this mornin', +Josiah?" + +"I have got it, Samantha, jest the same; I hain't used none this time o' +day. But I thought I would kinder love to tell the brethren I'd rid on +it." And before I could parley with him he asked that same bystander, a +good lookin' iron gray man, + +"Where is the Immoral Railway?" + +"The Intre Moral Railway starts there," sez he, pintin' to a place quite +nigh to us. + +"Intre Moral," sez I to myself; "that is a good name." And as we wended +our way to it through the crowds of folks of every name and nation I sez +to myself, "I'd love to ride on it." For havin' naterally so scientific +and deep a mind I love to trace back words like little rivulets, to +their source, and see where they spring from. For meandering through the +ages they gather lots of foreign stuff and take queer turns. + +Intre Moral, I took it that that meant extra moral. I liked the sound +on't, and we got on and rode quite a spell, and see everything we could, +and when we went clear 'round on that, we got onto a big ortomobile and +rid 'round on that so's we could see the hull Fair as it were in one +picture, before we examined its glories more minutely one by one. + +[Illustration] + +And I should have took sights of comfort viewin' the magnificent seens +spread out and growin' and changin' every minute if I hadn't had to kep' +one eye onto Josiah Allen all the time, or as you may say two eyes, one +my own gray orb and the other the eye of my specs. The seen wuz so +hugely grand, so magnificently stupendous, and the mind that it wuz my +duty as first chaperone to guard wuz so small I sez to myself, could it +be bombarded by that immense grandeur and not utterly collapse. But +Blandina wuz on the other side on him, so I didn't feel as I should had +the responsibility devolved on me alone. + +But he bore it well. He looked off on the seen grander than anything +Fairy Land ever dremp on or ever will, I believe. And then he looked +pensively at my silk bag where I'd stored all the cookies and nut-cakes +it would hold, to keep up his strength between meals. + +And so gradually I dropped my agonizing anxiety and let my eyes drink in +the onequalled beauty of the seen as we went by the tall glorious +palaces towerin' up in white magnificence. Past sparklin' water spaces +filled with gay pleasure craft full of happy white-robed voyagers. Past +the spans of arched bridges leadin' from one seen of glory to another, +past tall white shafts carryin' up to the listenin' Heavens deeds of +glory and valor. + +Past white statutes more beautiful than poet's dreams, risin' up from +green velvet lawns or marble terraces. Broad highways would dawn on our +vision, anon vistas of incomparable beauty way off, way off as fur as we +could see would open up other views jest as fair. Anon the columned +walls of some nearby palace would seem to close in the view, and then +agin the fur vision, and anon the blue waters flowin' on and on. And +scattered all over the ground roamed the happy people, men, wimmen and +children of every name and nation, clothed in every garb that folks ever +wore under the sun, and some, it seemed to me, made up jest for that +occasion, as Eve started her new fashion of fall dress, only this wuzn't +made of leaves, no indeed! fur from it. + +But I believe the foreign costoom we see most of all wuz the Japan. And +all through the Fair that nation seemed to show off in the very first +rank. Well, I wuz willin', I always kinder liked 'em, they're so polite +and courteous to everybody, and as for makin' storks and folks settin' +on nothin' and lookin' perfectly comfortable settin' on it, they go fur +ahead of anybody else, and they have lots of other noble qualities. In +cleanin' house time, now I have fairly begreched the ease and comfort of +them Japanese housewives who jest take up their mat and sweep out, move +their paper walls a little mebby and there it is done. + +No heavy, dirt-laden carpets to clean, no papered walls and ceilings to +break their back over, no trumpery brickaty brack to take care of and +dust and make life a burden. Kind hearted, reverent to equals and +superiors--trained to kindness and courtesy and reverence in childhood +when American mothers are ruled and badgered by short skirted and +roundabout clad tyrants. + +I set store by the Japans and am glad to hear how fast they're pressin' +forwards in every path civilization has opened; science, art and the +best education. And wuz glad to see so many of 'em here. They could give +Uncle Sam a good many lessons if he wuz willin' to take 'em. But good as +he is he is a heady old creeter, and won't be driv into anything and has +a powerful good opinion of himself. + +But to resoom forwards. After we'd gone the complete 'round of the Intre +Moral Railway and ortemobile we got out agin on the Plaza not fur from +where we embarked, and at my request we took a boat. Josiah chose one of +the handsomest ones with the front end kinder bowin' up and a +bright-colored awnin' over it; they called it a gondola. + +The gondolier had bold flashin' black eyes and a gay suit that struck +Josiah's fancy, and I knowed by his looks he wuz meditatin' on what +Might Have Been. I felt that he wuz in fancy rowin' a boat up our creek +in a red coat and green hat with yeller feathers mebby, carryin' sister +Submit Tewksbury or sister Gowdey, sailin' towards his own Exposition of +St. Josiah. There wuz a sad pensive look on his liniment that belonged +to ruined hopes and blighted emotions. + +Blandina whispered to me she thought the gondolier a image of beauty and +wondered if he had a companion; she said she believed he would be +devoted to a wife if he had one that looked up to him. + +I answered her like one talkin' onbeknown to herself, two of my eyes and +my spectacles furtively watchin' the liniment of my beloved pardner, and +my speritual eyes feastin' on the perfect loveliness of the seen. Broad +smooth waters how beautiful they were, dotted with craft similar to ourn +and freighted with happy voyagers dartin' here and there, and some of +the boats wuz the queerest shapes, one on 'em looked jest exactly like a +big white swan, and there wuz one, if you'll believe it, that looked +like a sea serpent, I wouldn't have rid in it for a dollar bill, though +Josiah said he'd love to tell Deacon Henzy that he'd straddled the old +sea serpent and rid to shore on it. + +But I sez, "Good land, Josiah, you don't ride on the outside on it, +there is a place fixed inside somewhere for passengers." + +But most of the boats wuz handsome. Anon the water lay smooth and fair +about us, and fur off we could see immense fountains risin' right up out +of the glassy surface, sprayin' up and glitterin' down floods of rainbow +glory. + +Agin we landed on terry firmy I a feelin' as if we wuz roamin' through +Fancy's fields, for it seemed as if cold Reality never could have +planned anything approachin' what wuz all round us. For as you draw nigh +the glittering Cascades you fairly stop bewildered by the beauty, and +most want to shet your eyes on it, not knowin' what path to choose where +all are so bagonin' full of allurements and the hull world seemin' to be +allured there by 'em. On one side the glory of the waters dashing, +sparkling, bounding along down, with fountains sprayin' up every little +while, and white statutes smilin' down on us nigher by. On the other +side green verdure and beyond and on every side the glory of the water, +and above us the most magnificent buildin' in the world flanked on each +side with the long Colonnade of States. + +And speakin' of statutes, jest think of the sculptured groups we passed +by that eventful day, more'n I could describe in a month of Sundays. +Louis and Clark, the very men I'd read about in Gasses Journal, how I +wished their eyes could see and their ears hear me. How interested and +proud they would have been to hear me tell how even as a child I loved +to hear mother Smith read about their journeyin's into the new and +onexplored country, findin' swamps and stumps and savages, where now wuz +smilin' gardens and palaces. Then there was Robert Livingstone, and +Franklin, noble high souled old creeter, I always loved him in a meetin' +house sense, drawin' down lightnin' and so forth--he wuz the very Pa of +electricity as you may say. + +And James Monroe, and Boone, and Settin' Bull, yes there wuz Settin' +Bull settin' or ruther standin' right in that great company. And all on +'em mute and onafraid, onmindful of the presence of a Samantha and +Josiah, I felt to pity 'em. + +But the noblest meanin' statute of all in my eyes wuz right in front of +the main Cascade. There stood a immense statute of Liberty, raisin' the +veil of Ignorance and protectin' Truth and Justice. Ignorance don't want +her eyes oncovered, she'd 'drather keep on blind as a bat. But Liberty +hain't goin' to mind her, she wuz bound to git the bandages off; I +wanted to encourage her in it and I waved my hand towards her and smiled +in lovin' greetin'. Josiah thought I wuz flirtin', and asked me +anxiously if I'd got sight of any man from Jonesville. I wouldn't dain +to reply to him--at my age! and with my reputation to carry round! The +idee! + +Well, when we stood on the stun balcony over the spot where the central +cascade gushes out, what a seen lay spread out before us. You can look +off two milds one way and most a mild another. And wuz there ever in the +world milds so crowded full of beauty and each beauty differin' from the +other as one star differs from another in glory. Eight magnificent +palaces are in full sight, their walls bathed by the blue waters, and +beyond 'em, interspersed by green foliage, wuz a perfect wilderness of +towers, minarets, domes, banners, battlements. + +I hain't goin' to describe what I looked down on, for I can't. No, if I +had a big book of synonyms to the words Grand and Glorious and used +every one on 'em tryin' to describe that seen I couldn't begin to do +justice to it, and so what is the use of tryin' with the Jonesville +vocabulary. + +And if I can't describe it, don't for pity sake ask Josiah Allen to, for +you might know that if I couldn't he wouldn't stand no chance. But I +hearn him gin a sort of gaspin' sithe as he looked, and Blandina I +believe forgot for a few minutes her passionate though chaste, +overrulin' passion. + +As magnificent as the hull of St. Louis Exposition is, it naterally has +one spot handsomer than the rest, a particular beauty spot as you may +say. Why every house has it. The beauty of my parlor kinder branches +out, as you may say, from my new rep rocker, a lovely work of art that +cost over six dollars. I keep it in the sightliest place, where the eye +of man can fall on it at first. And the central beauty spot of the Fair +wuz centered in the place I have been talkin' about. + +I'd hearn that it wuz some the shape of a fan and we had talked it over +between us, whether it would look like my best paper fan I carry to +meetin' Sundays, or my big turkey feather fan. But, good land! they +dwindled down so in my mind while I stood there that I might be said to +never have sot my eyes on a turkey's feather, or a turkey or anything. +It is a spectacle that once seen is never forgot. + +The central spot, or handle of the fan (in allegory), is occupied by +Festival Hall and on either side stretches out the beautiful Collonnade +of States with its lovely and heroic female wimmen settin' up there as +if sort o' takin' care of the hull concern. I spoke to Blandina about +it, how pleased I wuz to see my sect settin' up so high in the place of +honor, and she sez: + +"Oh, Aunt Samantha, I cannot rejoice with you, it rasps my very soul to +see men slighted! What would the world do without men?" + +"Well," sez I, wantin' to please her, "men do come handy lots of times. +But," sez I reasonably, "the world wouldn't last long if it wuzn't for +wimmen." But to resoom. + +At each end of the Collonnade, peakin' up a little higher, is a sort of +a round shaped buildin', beautiful in structure, where food can be +obtained. And knowin' the effect on men of good food I knowed this wuz a +sensible idea, for no matter how festivious a man may be, and probably +is in Festival Hall, yet his appetite stretches out on both sides on him +jest as it wuz depicted here. And female wimmen stand between him and +starvation most of the time. I considered the hull thing highly +symbolical and loved to see it. + +But jest think of a magnificent picture containin' all that is most +beautiful in land and water, extendin' in a graceful, curvin' way three +thousand feet. Why that's as fur as from our house over the Ebenezer +Bobbettses, and I d'no but furder, and every foot and inch of it +perfectly beautiful. How much land do you spoze is took up by this +central spot of beauty? Now if I should ask sister Sylvester Gowdey, who +always thinks she knows everything worth knowin', if I should say, "How +much land do you spoze, sister Gowdey, is took up by jest this central +beauty spot of the Fair?" I'll bet she'd say, "Mebby half an acre." + +But I'd say, "Melissy, it occupies six hundred acres." + +I d'no as sister Gowdey would believe me, but it's so, the livin' truth. +Why, the three Cascades are three hundred feet long. Beautiful in the +daytime as a dream of Paradise! fancy it in the evening when thousands +and thousands of colored lights lend their glowin' charm to the seen. +Why you almost cover your eyes from the bewilderin' glory on't. And as I +said to Josiah, "We shall never see another seen so beautiful till we +see Jerusalem the Golden descend before our rapt vision." And he bein' +kinder fraxious, sez: + +"I hain't seen that yet, nor you nuther." + +"By the eye of Faith I have, Josiah." + +"Well, tain't no time or place for preachin', we better be gittin' +along!" + +Right under the main Cascade we went down into a beautiful grotto all +lighted up, with one hull side of the room made of fallin' water. I +never expected to step into such a place. I have felt perfectly +satisfied when I've papered over my dining-room with paper a shillin' a +roll, and it did look well. But what wuz it to this? Refreshments are +served down there clost to the sparklin' liquid side of the room, and +Josiah wantin' to go the hull figure, set down and eat a nut-cake which +I gin him. + +They say stimulants can be obtained down here. And mebby they can, them +that seek can generally find, there wuz a serpent in Paradise; but _I_ +didn't see any, I spoze the noble look on my face would dant any dealer +in such pizen from displayin' it to me. And it ain't likely that Josiah +with two chaperones would set eyes on any. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +The two side cascades represent the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Josiah +sez in a kinder patronizing way, "They're likely Cascades, but I can't +see in what way they represent oceans." + +And I sez, "It hain't _for_ you to know everything, Josiah, you hain't +expected to. Such knowledge would be more than you with your small frame +could stand up under." + +"Oh, keep throwin' my size in my face. It's a pity I hain't a giraffe, +then mebby I'd suit you." And he added snappishly, "I'll bet you can't +tell yourself how they look like oceans." + +And I sez, "I wuz never any hand to tell all I knew, I always thought it +wuz best to keep one story back." + +But to tell the truth I couldn't see how they represented oceans, only +they wuz both water, but so is a teacupful of water, or a spunful. +Another way they differed from the ocean, the water hain't there all the +time, only once in awhile. Josiah, bent on findin' fault, sez: + +"Pretty oceans they be! Dry land most all the time." + +But I sez, "I've always wished the Atlantic would dry up long enough for +me to go over afoot or with the old mair, like the Israelites over the +Red Sea, I'd start to-morry." I'm afraid of deep water. Why half the +time I'm afraid of our creek and dassent go acrost the foot bridge. + +But the water wuz there when we see 'em, and the Cascades wuz beautiful +as a dream and more beautiful than lots of mine, specially when I'm +tired out. + +As to representin' the two oceans, I spoze it means them beautiful +golden tinted statutes, the Spirit of the Atlantic and the Spirit of the +Pacific that stands at the head of the Cascades. + +Well, we hung round there a long time, and finally at my request we went +into Festival Hall and sot down a spell and rested. And I thought as I +sot there I'd like to ask Sister Gowdey how big she thought this +buildin' wuz. She would never dream it covered two hull acres, but it +duz, three or four thousand people can set in it, and its organ is the +biggest in the world, more than ten thousand pipes in it and each pipe +as full of music as an egg is of meat. + +The two pipes havin' the lowest notes a small horse can walk through or +two good-sized men standin' side by side. So you can imagine the streams +of melody that can float through them immense channels. It has one +hundred and forty stops, every one on 'em that will stop if told to +quick as a wink. + +It took a train of ten cars to bring it from Los Angelus where it wuz +made. You can imagine how its music fairly shakes the ground and carries +you off your feet, seemin'ly like the very music of the spears. + +Good land! what's Tirzah Ann's organ compared to it? And I thought that +wuz as good as any they make, the agent said it wuz; we paid over sixty +dollars for it. + +And who do you think dedicated this most beautiful structure that wuz +ever built, to the music of the biggest organ in the world'? Why, it wuz +woman, my own female sect. I tell you it made me proud to think on't. It +wuz told me by one that wuz there that it wuz filled with wimmen on that +occasion, and as many men as could git in after the wimmen wuz seated. + +Jest think on't, oh, my sect! who have been used to sneakin' up back +stairs to look down on men seated in state at banquet tables, or peak +from the gallery at the Capitol to see 'em nobly engaged in makin' laws +to govern her, tellin' her how to spend the money she earned herself, +and how long to send her to jail, and where and when to hang her, and +etcetery; while she could only jest peak at 'em. Oh, my soul! wuzn't it +a agreeable state of affairs the doin's here at Festival Hall? As I said +to Josiah as we sot there, "Don't it show my sect is lookin' up?" + +And he said he never found wimmen backward in lookin' up, he said he +never see a place that would dant 'em and stop their tongues from +waggin'. He made light of the great incident and would been glad to had +men dedicate it; indeed he jest the same as told me he felt the +Exposition had stood in its own light in not havin' a certain leadin' +man in Jonesville, who wuz way up in political and moral life, havin' +held the offices of path-master and deacon. "But," sez he, with some +bitterness of sperit and speakin' skornfully: + +"What if wimmen did dedicate it? They can git up dressed in their silks +and shiffoniers, and talk, talk, but they can't vote no matter how well +off they be. They've got to pony up and pay taxes and toe the mark in +law jest as men tell 'em to." + +"Why," sez he, warmin' with his subject, "we men can set on you in +juries and you can't help yourselves, and hang you and so forth. And you +W.C.T.U. wimmen would have to let your tax money go to pay for drinkin' +shacks if we men of Jonesville, and the world, took it into our heads to +make you. Why," sez he, lookin' more and more big feelin' as he went on, +as why shouldn't he, as he recounted men's glorious advantages, + +"Nate Flanders, who is most a fool, can vote and make you knuckle down +and do as he tells you to. And don't you remember that time the 'lection +run so clost they got up old bed-ridden Nate Haskins, whose brain had +been softenin' for years, and his wife had to dress him and git him +ready for the pole, he callin' on his wife, Nancy, to put on every +identical garment and tell where it went, and when they got him to the +pole he wouldn't vote because Nance wuzn't there to tell him which +ticket to vote. She'd jest kep' that voter alive for years, and been +head and hands for him, but she couldn't vote and he could." + +Everybody has seen hosses run off the track when they wuz goin' too +fast; Josiah wuz so engaged in runnin' wimmen's pride down, he didn't +realize where he wuz gallopin' to. "And there wuz Jane Ellis who lost +her husband and two boys through drinkin', she had to let her tax money +be used to help nominate a license man, who opened a liquor saloon right +under her nose, and the last boy she had took to drinkin' and killed +himself last week drunk as a fool." + +"I'd be ashamed to boast of that, Josiah Allen, I'd be ashamed on't." + +"Well," sez he, lookin' kinder meachin', "I didn't say I approved of +that, I only said it to prove how weak and triflin' a thing woman really +is in the eyes of the law." And the rubber-like self-esteem of a male, +havin' sprung back in full force, he went on: + +"Why, Miss Corkins, up to Zoar, that pays bigger taxes than any man in +town, earnt it all herself too in the millionary bizness, why, that +snub-nosed nigger that drives for her can vote, and she can't. And then +I'd talk about dedicatin' the biggest buildin' in the world, singin' +hims on the biggest organ and lettin' a few men into the back door--I +wouldn't feel so big about it if I wuz you. + +"Why, we men jest throw such little compliments in the way of females to +keep you contented, jest as I throw crumbs from the table to Bruno to +home and pat him on the back. He knows he can't come to the table. We +men jest hang onto the ballot; wimmen hain't goin' to git holt of that +in a hurry and boss us round, no indeed!" + +Oh, how obstrepolous and important he did talk and act! And Blandina +lookin' up so admirin' at him and agreein' to every word he said, jest +for all the world like an anty, seemed to rile me worse than anything +else. But as long as I couldn't dispute a word he said, knowin' it wuz +as true as gospel, I kep' demute, and hoped he would take it for a +dignified silence that wouldn't dain to argy. + +Well, we had our lunch in a box and a bottle of cold tea, and we eat it, +and rested quite a spell, Josiah's good nater returnin' with every +mouthful he took, till by the time we got ready to start out agin, he +wuz as clever a critter as I want to see. + +I wanted to tackle the Palace of Arts next, as it wuz quite nigh by +considerin'. The Fair grounds are so immense that you have to travel +quite a distance to git anywhere. But Josiah said he wanted to see +sunthin' that wuz of practical use, ondervaluin' beauty, the great +Power, as some do. He wanted to see sunthin' solid, such as mines and +metals. And of course Blandina jined in with him, and though that is +what I wanted of her, as second chaperone, it provoked me time and agin; +queer, hain't it? + +So as that too wuz quite nigh by, we went to the Palace of Mines and +Metals. It wuz a beautiful buildin', the walls covered with ornamental +carvin' and ornaments, and two tall pillars standin' up each side of the +entrance as if they wuz two Genis jealously guardin' the Under World +from intrusion. But we got by 'em. And what didn't we see there? +Everything that wuz ever dug out of the earth, and the way it wuz +discovered, mined and made useful to man. + +Gems, precious stuns, granite, marble and all the processes for cutting +and polishing. Minerals of all kinds, natural mineral paints and +fertilizers, cement, luminants and waters. Asbestos, mica, coal, coal +oil and all the machinery for refining and storing it. Displays for +natural gas, petroleum; everything relating to lighting mines; safety +lamps; oils; electricity; acetyline. Most interestin' display in +geology; all kinds of rocks; crystal; clay; ores; nickel and all the +metals for making iron and steel and makin' 'em right there before you. +Explosives used in the Under World. Everything relating to the workin' +of salt mines; oil wells; metals, photographs; maps, illustrating how +these riches of the earth wuz deposited, and all the machinery for +collecting and making them useful to man. + +And there wuz a place where we could see a miner's cabin, and miners at +work, blasting, draining, driving tunnels, drilling, traveling +underground. A gold mill; a New Mexican turquoise mine; a lead, zinc and +copper mine, all working there before us; and a coal mine discovered +there on the Exposition grounds, an underground railway connected these +two mines. And all sorts of mineral waters, queer things they be flowin' +side by side out of the same ground as different as water and wine. And +there wuz a foundry and mint for makin' money. + +Imagine a buildin' coverin' nine acres full of such interestin' sights, +and thirteen acres out-doors. For you must remember that it wuz not only +the riches of America's Under World, but the wealth of England, France, +Germany, Sweden, Italy, Japan and in fact every foreign nation. Josiah +reveled in it, and so did Blandina vicariously. And I enjoyed it too, +for I always wuz wonderin' what wuz goin' on under my feet, and now I +had a glimpse on't. + +Well, we stayed there a long time and went from there into Manufactures +Buildin', when who should we meet but Uncle Giles Petigrew, a M.E. +deacon who used to live in Zoar but who had moved to St. Louis some +years before. We used to know him well. He wuz a old man when he left +Zoar, and had lost four wives a runnin' before he left there, and of +course I didn't know how many he'd lost since he come West, I see he +wore a mournin' weed, and mistrusted he'd lost another, and so it turned +out. It beats all what bad luck he has had. He wuzn't to blame for any +one on 'em, 'tennyrate them that passed away at Zoar, and I spozed it +wuz jest the same here. Never pizened any of 'em, or divorced 'em or +anything, it wuz jest his bad luck. + +He seemed real glad to see us and wuz dretful chipper for a man most a +hundred; he got hold of my hand and shook it as if he never would leggo, +and went right on confidin' in me about his lost companion, what a +treasure she wuz, and what a loss. + +And I sez, "Your wives wuz real nice wimmen, most all on 'em wuz, or +them that I knowed." + +"Oh, yes," sez he, "and these blows that has fell on me has most +onmanned me." + +And I sez in pityin' axents, "You won't try to git another wife, will +you, Uncle Giles?" + +"Yes, I shall, as long as the Lord keeps a takin', I shall--is that +woman with Josiah a widder?" + +I answered evasive, and kinder stepped in between him and Blandina, I +didn't want her to hear what he wuz sayin', I dassent. It wouldn't been +best for her to married a man most a hundred. And I knowed her soft +nater made her a willin' martyr to widower's wiles. Age made no +difference to Blandina. And I dassent venter to let him git nearer to +her. So I bid him a hasty good-by and linked my arm into hern and led +her away. She lookin' back and sayin', "How agreeable and willin' a +lookin' man that wuz," and I hurried her on fast to Manufactures +Buildin'--stoppin' by the way to see the beautiful Sunken Garden. + +The display in Manufactures is so large that they fill two immense +palaces, Manufacturers and Varied Industries, and you'd git lost you +couldn't help it, amongst the bewilderin' and endless native and foreign +displays, only the aisles are divided off into streets and squares, all +the same width, so you can git 'round first-rate. And if you had ten or +fifteen years you could spend here you might possibly see most of the +displays of your own native land and all the foreign countries. These +two palaces cover twenty-eight acres, as big as Luman Gowdey's farm that +he gits a good livin' on, and the hull twenty-eight acres are full of +interestin' sights. You can walk nine miles in it right ahead--as fur as +from Jonesville way up to Zoar, and back agin. + +And jest think of every single thing that wuz ever manufactured from a +hatpin to a rose-wood bedstead, and from a needle to a piano, and there +it wuz in plain sight if you could git to it, for truly you got +bewildered amongst the endless displays. Furniture, upholstery, all +sorts of cloth, silk, wool and cotton that wuz ever woven, all kinds of +silver and gold, and pearl and jet and shell and ivory articles that wuz +ever used, clocks, watches, jewels, embroideries, laces, carpets, +curtains, wall paper, stationery, hardware, glass and crystal, furs, +bronze, ironware, leather goods, stained glass, artists' supplies, +tailor shop, rubber store, toy store. + +But good land! what is the use of tryin' to name 'em over? I couldn't do +it if I had a blank book as big as a dictionary and writ it full. But +you can jest think of everything manufactured you ever see, or ever +didn't see and there it wuz, and more and more and more, and I might +fill pages with "mores," but what use would it be. + +But one of the best things we see at the hull Fair wuz there in the +Palace of Varied Industries. For to the thinkin' mind, the countless +display of articles, the marvels and magnificence of this Exposition is +not its main value, but its educational worth, its power to inspire and +teach the people of the world better ways of living and working, how to +make the most and best of life for themselves and others. And among the +educational exhibits one of the most interestin' to my mind is the one I +speak on in the Varied Industries Palace. + +The company that displays this has other interestin' exhibits at +different places at the Exposition, but here they have a display that I +wish the head of every big concern that employs labor could see and +study and take to heart. This company employs thousands of men and +wimmen in makin' a machine that wonderfully simplifies labor. + +But where the real educational value comes in hain't in the machine +itself, or the makin' on't, though that's interestin', but the way this +company treats its employees. + +You sit in a neat little theatre, fitted up with easy seats, and +electric fans and every comfort, and right in front of you, throwed onto +a big screen, are pictures from real life showin' Capital and Labor +dwellin' together like a lion and a lamb, and the child Justice leadin' +'em. + +Here you see and hear in the interestin' talk of the lecturer pictures +from the old time, when the company first begun its work up to the +gigantic plant and immense buildings of to-day. You see a woman tryin' +to warm some coffee over a radiator, they say the president of the +company see that, and it first made him think of furnishin' a lunch room +with a kitchen and every convenience for his employees. + +You see pictures of the women employees goin' to their work a half hour +later than the men, so the cars won't be so crowded. You see 'em at +their recreation time of fifteen minutes, at ten in the forenoon and +three in the afternoon, goin' through their physical exercises, or some +other recreation to brighten 'em up for the rest of the day. + +Then you see 'em at their clubs and classes, or playing tennis or +baseball, or in the big auditorium built for their use, listenin' to +some great orator or fine musician. These employees are not drudges, but +joy is labor and labor is joy. + +Then there is a picture showing a street of the homes of these +employees, pretty houses with windows and doorways covered with vines +and bright blossoms, makin' a picture of what some say is the most +beautiful street in the world. + +And there are pictures of noted people who have been there to study and +learn their methods, folks from foreign countries, who will carry the +blessed and beautiful example seen here to other lands. In one view is a +Prince and Princess who went there to learn their ways, lookin' +admirin'ly on. In another is a Cardinal givin' his benediction to +thousands of the happy workers. + +It is a sermon better than is often preached, what you see there in that +little theatre. It is Love and Labor and Beauty and Joy walkin' hand in +hand. I wuz highly tickled with it, and spent a glad hour here. + +But Josiah and I thought we'd seen enough for one day, and would go +home. But Blandina wanted to look over the articles of men's wearin' +apparell a little more; I don't see what comfort they wuz to her but she +said, "They brought back memories." And I spoze they did make her think +of Teeter and mebby his possible successor. But one thing, I believe, +that made her want to stay, we met Billy Huff jest as we wuz comin' out +of the buildin', and Blandina proposed that she should stay a little +longer with him and I gin a willin' consent, more willin' it seemed to +me than Billy wuz, though he couldn't refuse to escort home a guest of +the house. + +But Josiah and I went home and both on us used some anarky on our tired +limbs, and he cleaned the mud offen our shoes, for truly it wuz faithful +and stuck by us. + +It had rained the night before and that made it dretful muddy, Josiah +acted real grouty about it and sot there mutterin' and complainin' about +the mud till I got kinder wore out and sez: + +"For mercy sake! I guess you've seen mud before, Josiah Allen. Think of +our Jonesville streets after a heavy rain." + +"Well, they never wuz so muddy that I lost the old mair in 'em, and a +man told me to-day that they lost a elephant here the other day, it went +right down in the mud out of sight, and they never see hide or hair of +him agin." + +"Don't you believe that, Josiah Allen; it hain't no such thing, I hearn +all about it, the elephant didn't go clear in. He didn't go more than +half in, they could see his back all the time and they got him out all +right." + +"Well, that's furder in the mud than the old mair ever went enough +sight, and I never could have faced my country agin, if the streets had +been so muddy at my Exposition." + +"Don't be pickin' flaws all the time, Josiah. There is enough of beauty +and grandeur here to satisfy any common man." + +"But I hain't a common man, Samantha, and never wuz called so." + +"Well, oncommon then, there is enough beauty here to satisfy an oncommon +man." + +That seemed to molify him, and he gin in that it wuz a pretty good show. +But in many things inferior to what hisen would have been if he'd +carried it out. But I discouraged all such morbid idees and led his mind +off onto sunthin' else. + +That evenin' whilst Josiah went out to mail a letter Blandina come into +my room and sez the first thing, "Aunt Samantha, I love him passionately +but my love is scorned by him." + +And she busted into tears. I didn't ask no questions, but from Billy's +icy demeanor at supper table and Blandina's sentimental grief-stricken +linement I mistrusted she'd made overtoors to him that had been +rejected. + +But I tried to turn her mind 'round by showin' her a letter I'd jest got +from Maggie, my son, Thomas Jefferson's wife, tellin' me that her sister +Molly, who had been visitin' a college friend in the South, had come +home much sooner than she had been expected and seemed run down and most +sick. + +But she wuz bound to go to the Fair and they thought it wouldn't hurt +her to go, as there didn't seem to be anything serious the matter with +her only she seemed melancholy and out of sperits, it seemed to be her +mind that wuz ailin' more than her body. And would I if there wuz room +in my boardin' place take her in and mother her a little. Maggie +couldn't come herself, she wuzn't feelin' strong enough, and Thomas J. +won't leave her, specially if anything ails her, no indeed! he jest +worships her, and visey versey she him. + +I can't deny my first thought on readin' the letter wuz, another straw +to be laid on the back of the camel, meanin' myself in metafor. But my +second thought wuz I should be glad to have her come, for she is a +lovely girl and I set store by her. She's been away to school and +college for years, but I had often seen her durin' her vacations at +Thomas Jefferson's. + +Maggie had showed her letters to me that she had writ whilst she wuz +away South on this visit to her friend. One young man's name run through +'em like the theme to a great melody, and then all to once stopped, and +though Maggie and I hadn't passed a word on the subject I mistrusted +more than Maggie mistrusted I did about the cause of Molly bein' so +deprested. + +Young folks will be young folks! young blood can't run slow and stiddy, +and how young hearts can ache, ache. The tide that youth sails out on is +a restless one, it has its passionate tides, lit by glowing sunshine, +and anon by the glare of the tempest. It flows ever and anon smooth, and +then agin rough rocks of disappointment checks its swift glad flow, and +what it calls despair, but which dwindles down into nothin' more than +regret time and agin. It has its low tides, full of the sobbin' of +waters that are flowin' back to the depths, and everything seems lost +and gone. But anon the tide flows back again and so it goes on, storm +and dull calm, sunshine and tempest, and they don't know which is the +hardest to endure. That's why youth is so beautiful, so glorious, so +tragic. + +How I wished I could take Molly (for I loved her) and lift her clear +over the breakers into the calm of the deeper, smoother waters that the +home going boat finds when it is nearing the nightfall. The calm waters +lit by a light, soft and stiddy but sort o' sad like, not like the +dancin' sunlight of the mornin', oh no! when the tired mariner looks +back over the voyage and gits ready to cast anchor in the Home Haven. + +But I knowed I wuz onreasonable to even wish it, for grim old Experience +must stand at the hellum every time in everybody's life, and folks +hadn't ort to expect dyin' grace to live by; Molly had got to weather +the storm of life whether or no and I couldn't help it. But to stop +eppisodin' and resoom. + +I made a practice of writin' down mornings before I started for the Fair +the places I wanted to see that day if the rest of the party consented, +and I writ down that mornin' Liberal Arts, Fisheries, Educational +Buildin', Electricity, Machinery, Transportation, Horticultural and +Agricultural Buildin's and etcetery. + +Josiah wanted to know what etcetery meant, and I told him any other +place we wanted to see which he said wuz reasonable, and he thought +probable he should have to go to some shows on the Pike, he said he had +met Uncle Sime Bentley the day before and they talked it over and +decided that it seemed to be their duty as solid stiddy men to go to +some of the worst shows, specially them that had pretty girls in 'em, so +they could be convinced of their iniquity and warn the young +Jonesvillians. He said they would take their advice as quick agin if +they could warn 'em from experience. + +"But Josiah," sez I, "I wouldn't take such a distasteful, hateful job +onto me, it hain't your duty to make such a martyr of yourself, +specially as you hain't well." + +But Josiah said he'd always said "He wouldn't put his hand to the plow +and look back," and he and Uncle Sime had talked it all over and agreed +they would make the sacrifice for the good of Jonesville. But I meant to +break it up; I knowed it wuzn't his duty to nasty up his mind, hopin' to +do good by it, when I could never git it cleaned up agin as clean as it +wuz before. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Aunt Tryphena come in to make up our room whilst we wuz argyin' about +it. She come earlier than common, for she said she wuz goin' herself to +the Fair that day and take Dotie, who hadn't been at all. I told her it +would be a job to take care of a child in that big crowd. + +But she said, "I'd rather take care of Miss Dotie than to eat any time. +And as for the crowd it wuz nothin' to crowds she'd been in when she +lived in Paris with Miss Louise and Prince Arthur. She had took him when +he wuz a little boy to the Boy Bolony and the Champin Eliza when there +wuz millions of folks there." She wuz always talking of Prince Arthur, +which I fancied wuz a pet name for a child, and still given to the young +man she wuz constantly talkin' about through her pride and love for him. + +Aunt Tryphena wuz from slave parentage, but she had always lived in +white families since a child, so she had little of the peculiar dialect +of her race. But she wuz black as the Founder of Evil himself, tall and +thin with a mighty head of wool white as snow, which she covered with a +yellow turban about her work. She had abnormal powers of falsehood, not +for profit or to make trouble, but jest simple lying for lie's sake. The +most incredible stories she would string off, and nothing pleased Billy +more than to git her to goin', as he called it. + +He would call our attention silently and reach behind her when she wuz +about her work and turn an imaginary crank in her back, and then in the +same pantomime would jump back as if in fear of the fatal power he'd +invoked, but would wickedly delight in the endless stream of talk let +forth, occasionally asking a few questions, enough to keep her going. +She would lean on top of her broom and tell of her former adventures +thrilling enough and lengthy enough to fill a dozen lives. But +everything had happened to her personally, very few noted people but she +had seen and been on intimate terms with, very few far distant countries +but what she had visited, "Santered through," as she termed it. + +In a fine disregard for geography she would tell of stepping from +Chicago over to the Phillippines, and so on to London and then to +Europe. She detailed many adventures in Paris and described places that +made us think that she had some time lived there. She said she went +there with Miss Louise and her son, Prince Arthur, when he wuz little, +as his nurse. And she described him as having all the virtues of his sex +with none of its frailties. She said she had his picture which she would +show us some day. She described his mother as a "proud piece," almost +putting her down on a level with "poor white trash," which wuz the +deepest depth her plummet of contumely could reach. And she described +her as holding her son by her apron string, as she termed it. + +She said he had been home this summer on bizness down South and had come +to see her, which Billy said wuz true, a very handsome and elegant young +gentleman having called twice to see his old nurse during the spring and +summer. + +She said he come to see her on his arrival at St. Louis on some bizness +connected with the Fair, and then he santered off to Saratoga for a few +weeks, and then on to ole Virginny and New Zealand, and then back to St. +Louis to attend to his bizness agin about the Fair. She said he wuz pale +and sad the last time she see him, and she mistrusted his ma had been +cuttin' up. She sez: + +"You know she _lacks_." That wuz Aunt Tryphena's greatest condemnation +to say folks lacked. She never told what they lacked, but left it to the +imagination of the hearer; from her expression you would imagine they +lacked all the cardinal virtues and them that wuzn't cardinal. She said +his ma wuz sick and kep' the Prince right under her feet, and he'd gone +back now to be with her leaving St. Louis only a week or so before we +come. + +Bein' asked why she left Miss Louise she wuz more reticent, only +remarking that after Prince Arthur went to college she wanted a change, +so she had strolled over to South America, and from there to Asia and so +on to Chicago where she wuz hired as nurse to Miss Dotie, and when her +ma died and the child wuz taken by its great-aunt, Miss Huff, she had +been willing to help the latter through the Exposition, for she wuz a +nice woman and didn't lack. + +But we could see that her real reason wuz to be with the child--faithful +creeter she wuz, though queer, queer as they make. And to see the little +creature's white snow and rose face resting lovingly and confidingly +aginst the black cheeks, you knew that Aunt Tryphena had good in her. +Little children are good detectives, like the sun that photographs +hidden virtues and failings in the human face, so a child's intuition +brought from the heaven they have so lately left, takes the best +impressions of a person's real character. Children and animals live so +near Nature's heart they can detect real diamonds from the false, no +paste glitter can deceive 'em. Aunt Pheeny had qualities, or Dotie +wouldn't have loved her so well, and I felt it a great compliment that +she seemed to like me. + +Well, as observed heretofore we had took a hefty job that day, and we +proceeded first to the Educational Buildin'. It wuz a noble lookin' +structure with a row of snowy pillows all 'round it; a good many think +it is the handsomest buildin' on the Fair ground, and as I said to +Josiah, it ort to be considerin' the greatness and importance of the +work it displays, for our free schools, our educational advantages, are +the pride and glory of our country. + +"Yes, Samantha," sez he, "I hearn a man say yesterday education wuz the +very bull work of our country, meanin' you know, Samantha, it wuz strong +as a bull." + +"Oh, you hain't got it jest right, Josiah, bulwark don't mean jest that, +but you've got the sperit of it," I hastened to say, for he don't love +to be corrected. + +And here in this buildin' we see everything relating to schools from +kindergarten to university, training schools, where children wuz to +work, schools for the blind, deaf and dumb in operation; the work of +labratories going on before you; departments in drawing, music, +agricultural colleges; experiment stations, forestry, engineering +schools and institutions, libraries, museums, education of the Indian +and negro, evening industrial schools, business and commercial schools, +people's institutes, and every way and manner of mind training. +Photograph, charts, maps, and not only all our own educational exhibits, +but England, France, Germany, Russia, China, and in short all the +foreign countries. + +We stayed a good while there and I would have loved to stay longer, but +Josiah got worrisome and wanted to go on to Electricity Buildin' which +wuz next in our programmy. And here I took more solid comfort than in +any place I'd been, beholdin' the marvelous works wrought by the +greatest discovery of the ages. That wonderful Force that has power to +overcome space, save or slay. It is intelligent, can talk over the ocean +and under it, talk with wires, and if a wire hain't handy it will take a +beam of light and talk on that, and it can git along without either one, +for here is the biggest wireless telegraph station ever built; visitors +can talk on it from city and city, jest throwin' their words out into +the air and this onseen agency carries 'em along to the one sent to and +nobody else--wonderful hain't it? Wonderful to meditate on the great +onseen forces all about us, mysterious viewless shapes, nigh to us, +helpin' us, journeyin' on errents of mercy to and fro on paths we can't +see, leadin' up and down from star to star from heaven to earth mebby. + +And curious, hain't it, that the noble and ardent discoverers who have +tried to git friendly with them Great Forces and introduce 'em to the +world have been called ignorant and pagan, when if these scoffers knowed +it there is no paganism or ignorance to be compared to that of bigotry +and intolerance. + +And we see there dynamos of all kinds, motors, storage batteries, all +sorts of power machines. Electric railway equipments of every kind, +telephone stations for talking with wires and without 'em, all kinds of +electric lighting, arc lamps, electro-chemical displays. And in one +place they show the way Niagara wuz made to yield up her resistless +power to work for mankind. Labratories for all sorts of electrical +exhibits and research work. Electricity purifying water, making it safe +to drink, wuz one of its best exhibits. + +There wuz everything there it wuz possible to show in electricity and +magnetism, not only in our own country, but the work and discoveries of +all the foreign countries in this most interestin' of fields. + +There is another wireless telegraph and telephone station in the Model +City that we visited another time. You walk into this room and you don't +hear anything more than the ordinary noise the big crowd makes passin' +to and fro. And the air about you don't seem any different from jest +plain Jonesville air. Your human eyes and ears can't discover any +difference. + +But you jest take up a receiver and put it to your ear and lo, and +behold the atmosphere all about you is full of voices, near and fur off, +strains of music. It's a sight. + +And I sez to Josiah, "Who knows but some happy soul some happy day may +discover the secret of _seeing_? Who knows what divine visitors are this +minute coming and going over these onseen routes connecting our souls +with distant ones, connecting one land to another, one planet to another +like as not." + +And growin' some eloquent, I kep' on, "We don't hear the sound of their +footsteps lighter and more noiseless than the down of a blossom, shod as +they are with the softness of silence. We don't hear the rustle of their +garments, woven of frabic [sic] lighter than air. We can't see their +tender faces no more than we can see the sweet breath of the rose. If +they lay their tender hands on our foreheads they rest there so light +and tender we fancy it is only a breath of air touchin' our fevered +brows bringing a sudden rest and comfort. + +"If they speak to us when we're tired out and heartbroken we hear their +voices only in our souls that are suddenly and strangely consoled. If +their eyes ever look into our eyes filled with the divine pity and +sweetness of their all comprehendin' love and sympathy, we only know it +by the sudden sunshiny light and warmth that fills our being. But +sometime, somewhere, some happy soul may see and comprehend what we now +faintly apprehend." + +Josiah whispered, "Samantha Allen, do you realize what you're doin'? +You're attractin' attention and makin' talk, come along! this is no time +for eppisodin', if there ever _is_ a right time." + +And bein' brung down to earth agin I found to my great surprise I wuz +sayin' this out loud entirely unbeknown to myself. And I follered my +pardner out of the buildin'. + +But to resoom backwards. We thought we would go from the Palace of +Electricity to that of Transportation, and I feelin' real tired thought +I would take a chair a spell (eloquence is tuckerin' specially when +you're walkin' afoot), and I proposed that we should all take chairs for +a spell. But Josiah said he didn't want any chair, and Blandina of +course follered suit and said she felt jest like Uncle Josiah, she +wouldn't set down if she could. + +But I sez, "Well, I think I will take one," and Josiah ruther +onwillin'ly said he would git one for me, and sez he, "I'll see how much +the man will throw off if I push the chair myself." + +Sez I, "The man wouldn't trust a perfect stranger with a chair." + +Then Josiah wondered if he couldn't borry the loan of a wheelbarru that +would hold me up. He could trundle me along as well as not. + +Sez I, "I shall not enter the Palace of Transportation, Josiah Allen, in +a wheelbarrow." + +"Well, I could probable git in Machinery Hall a pair of big castors and +fix 'em onto your shoes, and Blandina and I could push you 'round like a +buro. What do you think of that?" sez he anxiously. + +"I shall not enter into any such operation!" sez I. "How it would look!" + +"I d'no as it would look so dretful, you standin' up straight and easy, +and Blandina and I pushin' you along, and 'tennyrate I guess it would +look as well as bein' throwed onto the town! chairs cost like the old +Harry." + +Sez I, "Don't worry, I shall pay with my own butter money." And so I +did, and rid to Transportation Buildin' with Josiah and Blandina walkin' +by my side. We entered one of its sixty doors, and the first thing we +sot our eyes on up in plain sight, but fur ahead wuz the wheels of a +great locomotive weighin' more than two hundred thousand pounds, +revolvin' 'round in dizzy speed. They said it went by compressed air, +another wonder, jest common air that you could dip up in your hand and +not think you had anything in it, and yet if managed right had power +enough to turn all the machinery we see goin'. Around this monster +engine wuz electric head-lights throwin' dazzlin' beams in every +direction. The hull thing well named, the Spirit of the Twentieth +Century. And all 'round it wuz grouped models showing the development of +the inventor's dream from the first rough effort at an engine up to the +most perfect specimen of to-day. All sorts of electrical railways, +freight and work cars, tracks, switches, signals, carriages, +ortomobiles, motor vehicles, naval architecture, models, boats, +steamships, men-of-war, battleships of the line. + +Exhibits of all sorts, illustrating inland transportation in India, +France, Germany, Switzerland, Spain and every other foreign country. You +could see to once that there wuz ways enough to travel, and if you +stayed to home it wuz your own fault. + +Well, we went from there to Machinery Buildin', that bein' writ down +next on my pad. But as we walked along, I considerable riz up in my +mind, owin' to what I'd seen, who should we come acrost but the widder +Whisher of Loontown, a woman we knew well. She wuz settin' on a bench +cryin' as if her heart would break, and I sez: + +"Why, sister Whisher, what is the matter?" (She wuz sister in the +meetin' house.) + +She had a paper in her hand and held it out to us, "Jest see that! I +found it in the pocket of my innocent boy!" pintin' to a coat layin' by +her. + +"Why," sez I, "that paper is took more than any other almost; I like it +myself first-rate, its editorials are the brightest and smartest you'll +find anywhere." + +"Oh, but it is so sensational! so vulgar, so demoralizin' to the tender +and innocent heart of youth. And to think that my spotless child that I +have guarded so sedgously from every breath of evil should have it +concealed in his pocket. I have always burnt every copy I've found." And +agin she sobbed, and agin I sez: + +"Sister Whisher, don't take it so to heart; he'll have to weather worst +storms than this on the sea of life. And you can't expect to be with him +always and stand to the hellum." + +"Oh, but Reginald Heber is so innocent, so pure-hearted; almost an +angel," sez she, "I have been so afraid that he wuz too perfect for this +sinful world!" And her tears flowed afresh. + +Well, I see I couldn't plug up this flowin' fountain of tears with +sympathy or reason, so we mogged along. Widder Whisher wuz always kinder +soft and she'd made a perfect idol of Reginald, who wuzn't any better +than common children so fur as I could see. + +And after goin' a few steps, Josiah and I in advance, Blandina a little +in our rears, who should we see comin' directly towards us but Reginald +Heber himself. He evidently didn't notice who we wuz, but wuz merely +takin' note of a new victim, for after takin' fair aim at my stomach he +bent his head down and went, "Choo, choo!--choo, choo!" like a engine +and run towards me at full speed, and bunted his round shingled head +right into my stomach with almost the force of an arrer shot out of a +catamount, yellin' all the while like a demon. + +"Git out of the way, you old four-eyed devil you!" + +Makin' light of my spectacles, I spoze, though truly I wuz too weak to +reason. After doublin' me up in agony he sought safety in flight. But my +indignant pardner ketched him by his little short-tailed coat and +dragged him back to his ma, hollerin' at her: + +"I'll give you a specimen of your innocent boy! He's jest the kind of an +innocent angel I'd love to take a hemlock shingle to, and would, if it +wuzn't for makin' talk." And he told the hull thing before I could +interfere. + +She wept afresh, but sez she, lookin' at the whimperin' and strugglin' +Reginald H., "How soon the demoralizin' effects of that paper shows----" + +But Josiah continued on in that same loud axent, his liniment red as +blood with anger, "If I had your darling to deal with a spell, there +would be a change in him, or a funeral appinted, and the body would be +ready at the time sot, I can tell you that!" + +Josiah wuz fearful excited and by the side of himself. Such voylent +language is almost a perfect stranger to him, but he feared for my +bones. But I found after walkin' 'round a spell that they wuz intact, +but the pain in my stomach hung about me all day, and that night, no +matter how high my standin' wuz in the W.C.T.U., I had to take a +peppermint sling. + +But to resoom backward. Machinery Buildin' wuz an immense beautiful +palace. And when I tell you its contents are valued at eight millions +you won't expect me to disscribe the hull on 'em, no, it hain't +reasonable. When we entered we see the first thing a engine of over +fifty thousand horse-power. + +Now, jest think on't, a one horse-power hain't to be despised. Why, I've +thought our old mair power when she wuz hitched onto a bob sled wuz +powerful. But jest think of fifty thousand horse-power. Why, if they wuz +hitched in front of each other with lines about the usual length, the +line would reach more than a hundred miles. Why, the very idee is +staggerin' to the intellect. + +But, there it was right there before our eyes grindin' out power to run +this monster Exposition, and not complainin' or needin' the whip as the +fifty thousand horses would, only jest knucklin' down stiddy to the +work, groanin' considerable loud, and who blames it. And you could see +everything in the line of engines from the little half horse-power gas +engine, about half the mair's strength, about cow power, mebby, and from +this up to a steam turbin of eight thousand horse-power, a rotary steam +engine. And in the Belgian exhibit wuz a gas engine of three thousand +horse-power, a common sized horse can be driv through its cylinders, it +takes about thirty tons of coal a day to run it. And there wuz a big +French steam engine turnin' three hundred and thirty times a minute. And +there wuz a great hydraulic press from Germany that exerts the terrific +pressure of ninety thousand pounds to the square inch--what would it be +to the yard? My brain hain't powerful enough to tackle the idee. + +Well, there wuz every kind of machinery in the world from all the +foreign countries as well as ours, and the methods of making and running +them. And we stayed there till my head seemed to turn 'round and 'round, +and I told my pardner I must git out into the open air or I should begin +to turn 'round and revolve in spite of me. I spoze I did look bad, and +Josiah said we would go and have lunch. He said there wuz a caff right +'round the corner, as he pronounced cafe it sounded like a young cow. +But the idee wuz good, and after we eat quite a good meal and rested a +little we started to tackle Agricultural Buildin' which wuz writ next on +my pad. + +It wuz quite a journey there, in fact, as I've said before, you have to +walk a long distance to git anywhere, but jest before we got there we +see sunthin' that made us forgit for the moment our achin' limbs. On the +side of a slopin' hill at the bottom of the long flight of stairs, that +lead up to the north entrance of Agricultural Hall is the most wonderful +clock that wuz ever seen on this globe, and I don't believe they've got +anything to beat it in Mars or Saturn. + +I can't give you much idee of it by writin', nobody can, but I can +probably describe it so you can see it goes ahead of your own clock on +the kitchen wall or mantelry piece. To begin with how long do you spoze +the minute hand is? The minute hand on our clock is about three inches +long, and the minute hand to this is fifty feet long, and its face is +about three hundred feet 'round and all made of the most beautiful +posies. + +Why, the figures that mark the hours are fifteen feet long, most three +times as long as my pardner, if he lay flat as a pan-cake to be measured +by a pole, jest think of that and these figgers are all made of bright +colored foliage plants. The ornaments 'round the face of the clock is a +border of twenty-five different plants, each one fifteen feet wide. Some +different from the ornamental wreath 'round our clock face, that hain't +more'n half an inch wide, if it is that. Our clock has a picture +underneath of old Time with his scythe a mowin' down the hours and +minutes as his nater his. And I told Josiah how beautiful and symbolical +it wuz to think old Time had laid down his scythe for a spell, and wuz +measurin' off the hours here in this Fairy Land with beautiful posies. + +And Josiah said, "The hours ort to be marked here with canes and +crutches," he said his legs ached like the toothache. + +The distances are awful and I couldn't deny it, and you do git tuckered +out, but then, as I told Josiah, jest think what you're tuckered for. + +And he said, "When you're as dead as a door-nail he didn't know what +good some steeples and flags wuz goin' to do you, or floral clocks." I +mistrusted he'd walked too fur lately, and had strained the cords of his +legs, and his patience too much, though the last-named wuz easy hurt and +always wuz. + +But Josiah took out his watch and looked at it and said he'd promised to +meet a man on important bizness, and he'd meet us at a certain spot in +Agricultural Hall in jest one hour. + +I asked him what bizness it wuz, and he hesitated a little and said as +he hurried away that it wuz "Bizness connected with the meetin' house," +and I asked him "What meetin' house?" and he didn't answer me, he wuz +walkin' off so fast--_mebby_ he didn't hear me. + +Well, Blandina and I stayed lookin' at this wonderful clock for some +time, and she said that the man that invented this clock wuz a powerful +genius and how she did wish she could meet him. She said such a man +needed a kind and lovin' companion to take every care offen him and pet +him and make of him. + +The machinery of this clock, what makes it go, is up above a little ways +on the hill in a small pavilion. There are glass doors, and you can look +in and see the works of the clock. A great bell there strikes off the +hours and quarter hours, and there is a big hour-glass there too. One +thousand electric lights light it up at night so folks can see day or +night jest how time is passin' away. + +Agricultural Building is the largest on the ground. The two palaces of +Agriculture and Horticulture stand up on a beautiful hill surrounded by +orchards, gardens, vineyards, shrubs, vines of all sorts. This outside +exhibit covers fifty acres. There are beautiful lakes full of the rarest +aquatic plants, from the great Egyptian lotus, whose leaves are large +and strong enough to hold up a good-sized child, and all kinds of +smaller plants, but jest as beautiful; indeed, there is everything rare +and lovely in that display that ever grew in water or on land, and they +make it one of the most beautiful places of the hull Exposition. + +The enormous display outside and inside covers seventy acres, and every +inch on 'em beautiful and instructive. The twenty acres covered by +Agricultural Hall contains everything relating to the soil and its +cultivation, everything that Mother Earth gives to man, all the tools, +implements of every kind used in agriculture, ploughs, reapers, mowers, +threshers, etc., run by horse-power, steam or electricity. + +Among the ploughs we see a small old-fashioned one made of wood, used by +Daniel Webster when he wuz a poor farmer boy. Workin' hard at his humble +work but his boyish mind, most probable, sot on sunthin' fur above, +lookin' at the hard soil ahead on him that he must break up, with them +wonderful, sad, eloquent eyes of hisen, and seein' visions, no doubt, +and dreamin' dreams. Callin' out to his oxen or horses, "gee," or "whoa" +as the case might be, and they not sensin' the fact that this voice wuz +goin' to give utterance to silver-tongued, heart thrillin' eloquence in +the highest places of Europe and his native land. + +As I looked at it pensively I pictured the tired boy holdin' the onhandy +handles of the plow and trudgin' along behind his team through the long +sultry days, and thought to myself, what hopes and dreams and ambitions +wuz turned over by that old plow as well as green-sward. + +Right by that little plow wuz a big powerful one that went by +electricity. A sight that would probable looked as strange to Daniel, +could it have appeared to him then, as any of his wildest day-dreams +materilized. + +And there wuz all the methods of irrigation, draining, engines, +wind-mills, pumps, farm wagons, all kinds of fruit, sugar canes, +vegetable sugar, candy stores, confectionery displays, vegetables of all +kinds that wuz ever hearn on, some on 'em of such monster size that you +never dremp on 'em, unless it wuz in a night-mair. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +Well, the time had arrived when we promised to meet Josiah at the +appinted rondevoo. Indeed Blandina, went a little ahead of time, for as +second chaperone she said it might be he would get there a little early, +and bein' naturally high-sperited he might get impatient, and she said +men ort to be guarded from anything that would wear on their tempers, +jest as much as possible. + +So I looked 'round a little more, and when I got to the place appinted, +there sot Blandina readin' extracts from "The Noble Achievements of Men" +in a paper cover, which she carried 'round in her pocket. But no Josiah +wuz there. + +Minutes passed; my happiness and peace of mind passin' off faster than +the minute hand, and no Josiah. A quarter of a hour passed, and still no +sign of that dear man. And when half an hour had gone by I busted into +tears, and Blandina I could see wuz torn with anxiety and offered to go +out into the streets of St. Louis and hunt for him. She mistrusted he +had wandered off the Fair ground, and that clever creeter wuz willin' to +leave all the allurements that wuz allurin' her here to hunt for him. + +I sez, "I don't believe he is there. But, oh, where shall we find him? +and what state will he be in when found!" Knowin' the past as we did, we +feared for the worst. But jest then Billy Huff happened to pass by and +stopped and asked what wuz the matter. + +"Oh!" sez I, with the tears runnin' down my cheeks in copious as +torrents, "my pardner is lost!" + +"Where did you lose him?" sez he. + +I told him how it wuz and he sez, "I'll bet I can find him for you; I +remember his talkin' last night about a certain place." + +[Illustration] + +Sez I in tearful axents, "Oh, do! do try, and ease the heart of a +distracted companion." + +But when he mentioned the place he thought he wuz I repelled the +insinuation with scorn. It wuz one of the most hilarious and vain places +of revelry at the Fair, where there wuz lots of bally girls and +etcetery, and I sez: + +"No, indeed! He may have gone into some meetin' house and wandered up +into the steeple onbeknown to him, or some educational exhibit, or Bible +rooms, but never, never in that place." + +But yieldin' to his arguments I consented to go with him sayin' we would +stay at the door while he reconoitered. But jest as we got to the door +who should we see comin' out radiant and smilin' but Josiah Allen and +Uncle Sime Bentley. + +Billy sez, "What did I tell you?" + +I couldn't frame a reply, I had no frame that fitted the remark, but as +Billy disappeared to once it didn't matter. When Josiah ketched my eye +and the look it wore, the blush of shame mantiled his cheek--or wuz it +remorse?--I couldn't tell, they look some alike. + +And he sez, "We went in, Samantha, to look for a missin' man, and my +corn ached like furiation jest as we wuz passin' the door, and I +couldn't seem to walk another step, and it looked some like rain and I +knew you wouldn't want me to spile my new coat----" + +And Uncle Sime chimed in, "We wuz took faint both on us jest as we got +to the door and had to set down, and I mistrusted I should find cousin +Zekiel there," and then happenin' to remember, both at the same time, +they begun to say how they went for the good of the meetin' house. + +Sez I in frigid axents, "Say no more!" And I turned onto my heel and +walked coldly away. + +But Blandina whispered to me, "Oh, be merciful, Aunt Samantha, men have +such powerful intellects, that Shows that would almost ruin a woman, +don't affect them hardly any. Speak tenderly to him," sez she, "and I +myself will gently accost Mr. Bentley." + +So she stepped back to his side and Josiah advanced and walked by me +still pourin' out excuses. Why he gin enough reasons to excuse a +regiment let alone one small deacon. + +But Blandina seemed to lose her efforts, for Uncle Sime talked real +grouty to her, he has never had a idee of marryin' anybody since his +wife died and he mistrusts wimmen are runnin' after him. You know male +widowers do git that idee into their heads, them that are as humbly as +Time in the Primer, and a onmarried woman can't ask 'em about the +weather, or sheep, or anything but what they mistrust some hidden +warmth, and pride themselves on how attractive they be. It's a sight. + +As nigh as I could find out the minute Josiah Allen left me he took the +railway and hurried to the wicked place where he and Uncle Sime wuz to +meet, expectin' to git back in ample time to meet us. But they wuz so +took up with the show they dallied, and so retribution and a indignant +pardner overtook 'em. Well, we took the Intremoral railway and went back +to finish Agricultural Hall, for that bein' writ on my pad I wanted to +complete it so fur as we could, of course it would took months to do +justice to it. + +We got there in a few minutes, and Josiah, as might be expected, wanted +to see the food exhibits, so we went where there wuz all kinds of food +made of vegetable products, all kind of grain, flour mills where you +could see wheat go in one end and bread come out the other, bakeries, +kitchens, tea and coffee pavilions and every sort of animal food +products, milk and cream in every form, fresh and preserved cheese and +butter dairies, all sorts of dairy tools, churns, separators, cheese +presses and vats, everything connected with makin' butter and cheese, +transporting and distributing. Starch factories, broom factories, market +gardening in all branches. + +Grasses, all sorts of fodder for cattle, raised in every country of the +world, and the best methods of raising. Everything relating to poultry, +artificial hatching and raising. Every kind of crop raised in every +country of the world and the best methods of raising and handling them. +As in cotton, you can see it from the tiny seed clear to the cotton +mill, so in corn, you see everything that is manufactured from it and +how it is done--meal, breakfast foods, starch, bread, pastry, baking +powders, yeast, from a kernel of corn up to mills and manufactories. And +so it wuz in everything raised in our own country and all over the +world. + +And there wuz a display of insects, bees and everything relating to +honey and wax. Silk worms and their work and products, cochineal and all +kinds of useful insects and their work, and hurtful insects and methods +of destroying them, and so on and so on and so on. I couldn't tell all I +see if I should try a week, and what we see wuzn't a drop to a fountain. +The immense buildin' is divided off into streets and blocks jest like a +city, and you might roam through them streets a month and find sunthin' +new and interestin' every day and hour. + +Well, from there we went to Horticultural Hall, or we had started for +there when Josiah made a observation about the size of a potato he had +seen in Agricultural Hall, that I had to in the cause of Truth and Duty +object to, the size he mentioned was a twelve-quart pail, and I said: + +"Josiah, take off a few quarts from that pail. For the good of your soul +take off two quarts anyway." + +"Not a quart!" sez he, "nor a spunful." + +Well, we had words about it, Blandina as usual siding with her uncle, +and it ended with their goin' back with a string, which Josiah produced +from his pocket to measure it, I offering to stay by a certain statute +till they got back. And as I stood there lookin' at the stiddy passin' +crowd and philosophizin' on it as my nater is, I wuz accosted by a +strange lookin' man, as I took it to be (I say It for reasons named +hereafter). + +"Josiah Allen's wife, I am happy to meet you; I knew you at once though +it is so long since we met." In the meantime it had gripped holt of my +hand with fervor. + +I drawed back and sez, "Sir!" (I thought it favored that gender most) +"Sir, I think you are mistook." + +"Oh, no, you are Josiah Allen's wife; I am Dr. Mary Walker." + +"Oh!" sez I in a relieved axent, as I returned the warm grasp of her +hand, "I am glad to meet you, Mary." + +She's done some good things in her life, takin' care of poor wounded +soldiers, etc., and I honored her for 'em. Though I don't approve of her +costoom, as I told her in the conversation that ensued, after we'd +talked considerable about the Fair and kindred matters. For I see as we +stood there behavin' ourselves, curious eyes wuz bent on her and +onbecomin' epithets hurled at her by them who knowed no better. She +seemed oblivious to 'em, but I asked her if she wouldn't rather wear +less noticeable attire. + +And she said she cared not for ribald remarks as long as her motives wuz +pure. + +And I said we could carry pure motives under a headdress of peacock's +feathers standin' up straight over our foreheads, but wouldn't it be +better to carry 'em under a bunnet? + +"No better!" sez she. "Not a whit." + +"Well, easier?" sez I. "Wouldn't it be easier for ourselves and +bystanders?" + +Sez she, "I care not for Public Opinion!" + +"But," sez I, "as long as we've got to live clost neighbor to Public +Opinion wouldn't it be easier for us to fall in with his idees a little +on comparatively unimportant things than to keep him riled up all the +time? It seems to me that if folks want to impress their personality on +the world it is better to do it by noble deeds and words than by +startlin' costooms." + +Sez she, "My dress is fur more comfortable than the ordinary dress of +females." + +Sez I reasonably, "Short dresses are a boon and a blessin', but in my +opinion they can be short enough for comfort and still not infringe on +man's chosen raiment. And as for pantaloons, men are welcome to 'em so +fur as I'm concerned, and also tall hats, they hain't nothin' I hanker +for either on 'em." + +Sez she, "We have a right to wear any clothes we see fit." + +Sez I, "We have a right to plow green sword, shingle a steep barn ruff, +or break a yoke of steers. But the question is, will it pay in comfort +or economy to do this? As for me, I'd ruther be in the house in a +comfortable dress and clean apron, cookin' a good dinner for Josiah, or +settin' down knittin' his socks whilst he duz the harder work he is by +nater and education fitted for. But everybody to their own mind. And so +fur as I am concerned I'd ruther attract attention by doin' sunthin' +worth while, sunthin' really noble and good, than by tyin' a red rag +round my fore-top. But as I say, folks are different, and I am fur from +sayin' that my way is the only right way." + +Mary kinder waived off some of my idees and went on and spoke of her +work on the battlefield and how necessary her dress wuz in such a place. + +And I sez, "Mary, I've always honored you for your noble work there. But +I believe I could lift up the head of a dyin' man easier in a loose +gingham dress and straw bunnet tied on, than I could in your tight +pantaloons and high hat, but howsumever the main thing is that the man +is lifted, and he doubtless wouldn't quarrel about the costoom of his +preserver. The main thing in this world, Mary, is the work we do, the +liftin', or tryin' to lift; the day's work we do in the harvest field of +Endeavor. And I spoze a few trousers more or less hain't goin' to count +when we carry in our sheaves. Though I must say to the last, Mary +Walker, I could carry 'em easier in my dress than I could in yourn." + +[Illustration] + +In the heat of our good-natered conversation Mary had slipped her hand +through my arm and neither of us noticed it, so wropped up wuz we in the +topics under discussion, when I hearn Blandina's voice behind me sayin', +"Oh, what a noble lookin' man Aunt Samantha is talkin' to and how +affectionate actin'; how sweet it will be to meet him." And then I hearn +a sharp raspin' voice clost to me sayin': + +"Sir, I will thank you to onhand my wife!" + +I wouldn't hardly have knowed my pardner's voice, such burnin' anger +showed in it and wuz depictered on his liniment as I turned round and +faced him. And he went on: + +"Samantha, have I lived with you most a century to be deceived in you +now?" + +His turrible emotions had onhinged his reasonin' faculties, we hain't +lived together so long as that, but I didn't dane to argy, I only sez +with calm dignity: + +"Miss Walker, this is my pardner, Josiah Allen." + +"_Miss_!" sez he in a overbearin' axent, "_Miss_ Walker!" He looked as +if he thought it wuz a conspiracy hatched up between us to deceive him. + +"Yes," sez I coolly, "Miss Walker, Dr. Mary Walker." + +"Oh!" sez Josiah, in his surprise and relief not offerin' to bow or +shake hands or nothin'. "Dear Samantha, I've hearn on her." And he +turned and linked his hand in my other arm so for a minute we looked +like three twins perambulatin' along. In the meantime I introduced +Blandina, who looked bewildered and disappointed. + +But Dr. Mary Walker remembered a engagement, and to my relief took leave +on us. And I said a few words to Josiah on the danger and cruelty to me +of his hasty opinion and suspicion and in the cause of Duty I mentioned +the late eppisode of himself and Uncle Sime, and he seemed mortified and +apologetic for as many as three minutes. But it didn't last, it never +duz with his sect. And we went on to Horticultural Hall, Josiah on the +way reluctantly showin' me the string he had measured the potato with. +He had to take off several quarts offen that pail, jest as I told him he +would, and it made him fraxious. + +But he lost his shagrin on the way, it wuz buried under the acres of +posies and beautiful shrubs and trees through which we wuz passin'. +Every rare posy you ever hearn on wuz there and them you never dremp on, +and trees, some beautiful and familiar, and them with strange and +beautiful foliage. Little lakes, where gold and silver fish played and +dotted over with the rarest and loveliest water plants and blossoms, +shrubs runnin' over with bloom, why, there wuz acres of jest rosies. And +in the middle of a six-acre rose garden stood a handsome statute of one +of my own sect, Flora by name, jest lookin' down as if she owned the +hull on't, and wuz proud and happy to be there, as well she +might--she'll never git into such a delightful spot agin, I don't +believe. + +And there wuz pleasant walks windin' round every which way and once in +awhile a big tree shadin' a cozy nook where you could sit down and enjoy +the beauty and perfume. It wuz good to be there, and it seemed as if the +hull world had the same mind about comin' and wuz all there walkin' +about or else settin' down enjoyin' themselves. + +Horticultural Buildin' is big enough and full enough to keep folks busy +a month. Right in the centre, in a place as long as from our house clear +over to she that wuz Submit Tewksbury's and I d'no but furder, wuz a +display of fruit, all kinds of fruit of every shape and size that grow +in every climate from frigid to torrid, and every country from Greenland +to Asia, it wuz a sight. Then there wuz a display of every kind of +horticultural machinery and implements, glass housen, aquariums, +ferneries, all sorts of ornaments for gardens. + +All kinds of small fruits and how to grow 'em, everything relating to +the culture of vines, vineyards, wine cellars. All sorts of ornamental +plants and flowers, models of fruit in wax and plaster, baskets and +bunches of flowers, conservatories, all flowering plants from every +country and the way to grow them. All sorts of seeds, grass, fruit trees +of all kinds, and the best way to prune and plant them. + +Josiah told me he thought we could git round and see what wuz in this +buildin' in four weeks, but I felt dubersome about it and told him we +would have to go a pretty good jog if we did. Blandina thought she could +git round in three weeks if she had some good man's arm to lean on the +most of the time. + +But 'tennyrate, after stayin' there and lookin' round a long time, I +told Josiah I wuz tired enough to go home, so we went. + +I wuz most melted too, for St. Louis weather is tuckering to them that +can't stand heat. It made Josiah real worrisome time and agin. And one +thing he said about it put a idee into my head that I never had thought +on, I thought it wuz real smart. + +Somebody wuz lamentin' the fact in our hearin' that so many thieves and +villains of all sorts had congregated at St. Louis this summer, and +Josiah sez: + +"It's a first rate thing for sinners to come here to git acclimated, as +it were, before they die." + +I hadn't thought on't, but felt there wuz sunthin' in it, for truly the +burnin' climate of the place I don't want to speak on by name, must be +easier to bear after visitin' St. Louis than to plunge into it from +cooler and more northern States. And still I don't know why we should +want to make it easier for 'em, I spoze it wuz our pityin' naters that +made us think ont. + +The weather wuz simply burnin' hot, no other word describes it, oveny, +furnacy hot! and Josiah said, and well said, it set folks to thinkin' +and inclined 'em to take warnin' and mend their ways. Sez he, "Two days +of St. Louis weather wuz worth more to sinners than the sermons of a +month of winter Sundays." + +Truly in heat it wuz a great object lesson. I wore my brown lawn dress +day after day, havin' no chance to wear my rich alpacky, as I wanted to, +to kinder show off before Miss Huff, and Blandina presented the wilted +appearance of a long slim cabbage leaf plunged in bilin' water. + +I believe Josiah's groanin's and takin's on and mutterin's helped him to +bear it better than if he had held in. Not that I told him so, no, I +told him it wuz onmanly to carry on so. But truly the heat wuz fearful, +our clothin' stuck to us and prespiration and sweat run down our faces. + +The next day it wuz so hot I felt kinder mauger and stayed to home. +Blandina and Miss Huff went half a day, and in the afternoon Blandina +went to a big department store in the city to git some thinner +underwear, and I got awful skairt about her. Miss Huff gin her the most +minute directions about where it wuz and what car to take, it wuzn't a +great ways off, and she ort to got back at four o'clock anyway. + +But time run along, four struck, then five and then six, and I wuz +gittin' dretful worried about her when she come in tired enough. + +Sez I, "I wuz awful worried about you, Blandina. Did you git lost?" + +"No." She said she got onto the right car and the conductor wuz a +dretful handsome and fascinatin' man, and she went to git off at the +right street, and kinder backed off, she always duz git off that way, +and the conductor thinkin' she wanted to git on, he smiled so sweet and +held out his hand to help her on so she would git on again. And that +happened over and over. She not wantin' to hurt his feelin's and slight +him by not takin' holt of his hand and climbin' on agin. Till finally +she did show some good sense, she asked the man standin' on the platform +if he would help her off, for she had been tryin' to git off for the +last five stations. So she had to take a car back, but the conductor wuz +humbly and gruff and she got along all right, but it belated her. + +Sez I, "What made you do it, Blandina?" + +"Oh," sez she, "he looked so winnin' and invitin' I didn't want to hurt +his feelin's." + +Sez I, "You'll sup sorrer yet, Blandina, by your wantin' to obleege +everybody. You ort to look out for yourself some, you're alltogether too +good to be comfortable." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +Well, Josiah went that day with Billy Huff, he santered off without any +system or plan, and wouldn't take my pad though I offered it to him. But +I guess they jest poked round miscelaneous, as you may say, seein' jest +what they happened to run into. And in some of their travels they met +Barzelia Trimble, a woman lecturer, she's young and good lookin' and +smart as a whip, and I guess she made much of Josiah, 'tennyrate she gin +him tickets to her lecture. + +She said she'd met a man whose brother-in-law's cousin had bought a dog +once of a neighbor of mine, and so feelin' so well acquainted with me +she sent me the tickets, and did hope we would come. She said she felt +that she knew us both so well that it would be a treat to her. + +The way she come to see Josiah that day, Billy had met her at school +where she lectured. + +Josiah wuz very anxious that we should both go. He remembered the dog. + +But I sez, "I thought you didn't believe in wimmen's lecturin' and +havin' rights, Josiah." + +"Well, I don't believe in 'em, but the tickets wuz gin to us, fifty +cents right out of her pocket, and she'll expect us. She said it would +make her feel more homelike to have us present." + +"Well," sez I, "I don't know as I feel so very intimate with her, I +never see the dog, but her idees on wimmen's rights is sensible, I've +read about 'em." + +And that kinder headed Josiah off onto a new tact; we had had a dretful +good supper, and I believe Miss Trimble had made a sight on him, I +believe she had flattered and pompeyed him and for the time bein' he +felt soft in sperit towards the sex. + +And 'tennyrate men's moods are like the onfathomable sea, sometimes +turbulent, throwin' up stunny arguments and sandy ones, and agin flowin' +calm and smooth as ile, and this wuz one of the gently swashin' ones. + +"Id'no," sez he, "and I told her so, what wimmen want rights for, or to +vote; I never wanted wimmen to vote, I told her they wuz too good, they +wuz too near angels to have rights. You know I've always said so, +Samantha, and I wuz readin' a piece a day or two ago, writ by one of the +first ministers in the country, and he said that wimmen hadn't ort to +want any rights; they ort to be riz up on a pedestal and I say so too." + +And I sez, "No, Josiah, I can't go into that with all the rest I have to +do, and it seems onreasonable in that minister to want wimmen to climb +up onto pedestals when they have to do their own housework." + +"Well, I say it hain't onreasonable. You ort to be up on one, Samantha." + +(How much Miss Trimble must have made on him. He wuz so oncommon clever, +and he never wuz megum, poor creeter!) I didn't really want to git into +an argument at that time o' day, but I see he wuz on the wrong tact, and +I felt I must convince him, so I sez in reasonable axents: + +"I jest as lives be on a pedestal as not, I'd kinder love to if I could +set, I always did enjoy bein' riz up, if I had nothin' to do only to +stay up there some time, but wimmen have to git round so much it +wouldn't work. How could I take a tower histed up like the car of +Juggernaut or a Pope in a procession. I couldn't get carriers for one +thing, and I wouldn't give a cent to be carried round anyway with my +dizzy spells, I should more'n as likely as not fall off. But that hain't +the main reason I'm agin it, it is too tuckerin' a job for wimmen." + +"Tuckerin' to be enthroned on a pedestal with the male sect lookin' up +to you and worshippin' you. You call that tuckerin'?" sez he. + +"Yes," sez I, "I do. How under the sun can I or any other woman be up on +a pedestal and do our own housework, cookin', washin' dishes, sweepin', +moppin', cleanin' lamps, blackin' stoves, washin', ironin', makin' beds, +quiltin' bed quilts, gittin' three meals a day, day after day, biled +dinners and bag puddin's and mince pies and things, to say nothin' of +custard and pumpkin pies that will slop over on the level, do the best +you can; how could you keep 'em inside the crust histin' yourself up and +down? And cleanin' house time----" + +"Mebby," sez I honestly, "it would come handy in whitewashin' or fixin' +the stovepipe, but where would it be in cleanin' mop-boards, or puttin' +down carpets, or washin' winders, or doin' a three weeks washin', or +bilin' soap? or pickin' geese? They act like fury shot up on the barn +floor. How could you git our old gander up on a pedestal? His temper is +that fiery, to say nothin' of settin' or standin' on it and holdin' on +to the old thing and pickin' it. And raisin' chickens and washin' old +trousers and overalls, and cleanin' sullers and paintin' floors and +paperin', and droudgin' round all the time, as a woman has to to keep +her house comfortable. + +"And pickin' black-caps and strawberries, and churnin' big churnin's of +butter, and pickin' wool, to say nothin' of onexpected company comin', +and no girl. Let a lot of company come to stay all day the relations on +your side and the work not done, and me posin' like a statute, lookin' +down on you and your sect, you'd feel like a fool and jaw, you know you +would. I presoom you'd throw your boot-jack at me and threaten to part +with me, and how mean that would be in you when I did it at your +request. 'Tain't anything any woman would go into if she wuz let alone." + +"And then think of the thrashers and silo fillers comin' in hungry as +bears, what would they say? No dinner cookin' and I on a pedestal, why +it would be the town's talk. Or you comin' home from Jonesville on a +cold night fraxious as a dog and sayin' you should die off if you didn't +have supper in ten minutes. How could I git it on time perched up there? + +"I say it can't be done, and it is onreasonable for men to want it, and +at the same time want wimmen to do her own housework. For these men, +every one on 'em, would act like fury if their house wuzn't clean and +their clothes in order, and meals on time. And you must know it would +jest about kill a woman to be doin' all this and histin' herself up and +down a hundred times a day, and mebby half dead with rumatiz too. Why, +it would be worse for me than all the rest of my work, and you hadn't +ort to ask it of me." + +Josiah looked real huffy and sez, "I hain't the only man that's wantin' +it done; men have always been sot on it. There's been more'n a wagon +load of poetry writ on it and you know it. Men have always said a sight +about it, I hain't alone in it," he snapped out. + +"No," sez I honestly, "I've hearn it before. But you see it wouldn't +work, don't you? And I believe I could convince every man if I could git +to 'em and talk it over with 'em. And I don't see where the beauty on't +would come in; of course a woman couldn't change her clothes and put on +Greek drapery right in the midst of cleanin' the buttery shelves or +moppin' off the back steps. And to see a woman standin' up on a pedestal +with an old calico dress pinned up round her waist and a slat sunbunnet +on and her pardner's rubber boots, and her sleeves rolled up, and her +face red as blood with hard work, and her hands all swelled up with hot +soap suds and lye, what beauty would there be in it? It always did seem +onreasonable besides bein' so tuckerin' no woman could stand it for a +day." + +He looked mad as a hen and sez he, "They could manage it if their minds +wuz strong enough." + +Sez I, "It seems to me it would depend more on the strength of their +legs, specially if the pedestal wuz a high one. I never could git up +onto it at all if I should go into it without gittin' up on a chair and +then on a table. No woman no matter how strong she wuz could git more +than two meals a day under the circumstances." + +Josiah looked worried and sez, "Well, mebby there has been too much said +about it, mebby it would be jest as well to leave pedestals to +statters." + +And I sez, "It is as well agin. Wimmen couldn't stand it with all they +have to do." + +And so we ended by bein' real congenial in our two minds and thinkin' +considerable alike, which is indeed a comfort to pardners. And we read +our chapter in the Bible and had family prayers jest as we do to home. +For I would not leave off all the good old habits of my life because my +body wuz moved round a little. And we had a good night's rest and sot +out in good season the next mornin' for the Exposition. + +The next mornin' grandpa Huff said to the breakfast table that he did +wish he had someone to read to him that day, everybody wuz goin' to the +Fair and he wuz goin' to be left alone. So Blandina, clever creeter that +she is, said she would stay and read to him from his favorite volume, +Foxe's Book of Martyr's, and also from Lamentations and Job. Billy said +his grandpa wuz never happy only when he wuz perfectly miserable. We +have all seen such folks. + +So Josiah and I sot off alone, and he bein' in good sperits and bein' +gin to new and strange projects, proposed that we should take an +ortomobile. I didn't favor the idee and said: + +"Id'no about it, Josiah, I feel kinder skairful about ortos, I fear that +it might prove our last ride." + +"But," sez he, "with a good shuffler there hain't any danger." + +But I still wuz dubersome and sez, "Mebby it would end by our shufflin' +off our mortal coils, as Mr. Shakespeare tells on." + +"You don't wear 'em, Samantha, nor never did, nor I don't wear a +pompodoor" (he meant this for a joke for his head is most as bare as a +sass plate). + +And he went on, "It would be a very stylish and genteel ride. I'd love +to tell brother Gowdey about it. The bretheren will expect it of me as a +live progressive Jonesvillian minglin' here with the noblest in the land +to cut sunthin' of a dash." + +But seein' that I still looked dubersome he sez, "I don't feel very +rugged this mornin' and I dread the crowded car; Id'no but I should +faint away in 'em if I sot out." + +That of course settled the matter. As his anxious chaperone I consented +to the project and he went and got the showiest one he could find. He +didn't look for character or stability, only for gildin' and red paint. +And we embarked, Josiah with a proud liniment, as if he wuz introducin' +me into gay life and fashionable amusements. The man wuz to take us to +the Fair ground for so much, and Josiah feelin' so neat had paid him in +advance, and there wuz another party waitin' for him. And the speed that +shuffler put on wuz sunthin' awful. + +The first few minutes before we got to goin' that terrific speed Josiah +liked it, and seemed to look patronizin'ly down on the people walkin' +afoot that we passed by and pity 'em. But anon the man got to goin' +faster and faster and Josiah's liniment underwent a change and he +hollered out to me, for the noise wuz so loud and skairful he had to +yell: + +"Samantha, I don't believe it is right for members of the meetin' house +to be goin' at such a gait." + +And I hollered back to him, "It hain't none of my doin's, it hain't +nothin' I wanted," I a hangin' onto my bunnet strings and tryin' to keep +my bunnet on. As for the tabs of my mantilly I had gin up tryin' to curb +'em down, and they waved out like a pirate's flag in a cyclone only a +different color. + +Finally Josiah hollered to the shuffler, "I want you to curb in your +machine! I'm a deacon, and have got my station in the Jonesville meetin' +house to think on. Hold it in, I say!" + +The shuffler glanced round at us as calm as a goggle-eyed clam and never +dained to answer, and seemin'ly urged on the orto to redoubled speed. + +Oh, the awfulness of the seen! the terrific noise soundin' on my ear +pans till it seemed as if them pans must break down, the dirt a flyin', +my pardner standin' up with his whiskers and coat tails wavin' in the +breeze. His hat blowed off and by almost superhuman exertions I ketched +it and carried it in my hand, thinkin' it wuz safer than on his head. + +He a yellin', "Stop, I tell you! Whoa! back up! Dum your dum picter, +whoa I say!" + +For the last few milds Josiah rid standin' all I could do and say. +Yellin' at the shuffler, hollerin' whoa to him, and appealin' to Heaven +and me simultaneous as it were, for mercy and succor. + +[Illustration] + +And that shuffler payin' no more attention to him than as if he wuz a +fly, not a hoss fly, but jest a common fly. Only he would look back at +us once in awhile through them big goggles of hisen that most curdled my +blood to see 'em. + +At last Josiah, seemin' to give up all hope, sunk back and grasped holt +of my tab and sez, "Good-bye, Samantha, if you git through alive +remember I died tryin' to save you." His emotions and the dirt choked +him, and he faintly added: + +"Tell the bretheren and see that it is put in the Jonesville Augur, that +I died a hero's death tryin' to save my pardner." And his grasp on my +tabs become almost hysterical. + +But at that minute the entrance gate wuz reached and the orto stopped so +abruptly, that Josiah who had got up agin, wuz precipitated into my lap. +But he got out immegiately, and the minute he and I stepped onto terry +firmy he turned and shook his fist at the man and sez he, "If it wuzn't +for the crowd and Samantha's feelin's, I would whip you within an inch +of your life! Oh, if I only had you in a ten acre lot you'd feel the +wrath of a lion when it wuz rousted up!" + +But I laid my hand on him and led him away, I knowed such seens wuz bad +for his nerve. He trembled like a popple leaf, and the minute we got +through the gate I had to set down with him and deal out four nut-cakes +before he wuz himself agin. + +I wuz determined this day to go to the Palace of Fine Arts, so we did +and I put in a time of almost perfect happiness there. We went into +Government Building entrance that day, and I proposed to Josiah that we +should stop at Liberal Arts Building on the way, and he at first +demurred and sez: + +"Samantha, you're too liberal by half now for folks with our means and +Id'no as I want you to spend your time in such a display." He said he +would rather take me to the display of Economics, and sez he, wantin' to +persuade me to go with him, "Wimmen has countless virtues, but to my +mind her crownin' excelence is to be equinomical." + +But I explained to him that exhibit didn't mean bein' liberal with money +but it wuz jest a step behind Fine Arts, and sez I, "I should think you +would want to see the place where this Exposition wuz dedicated in the +presence of one of the biggest crowds that wuz ever gathered together." + +So we stopped there a little while, and could have spent days there with +interest and profit. The foreign countries have splendid exhibits here +as well as our own. + +Everything in typography and books, everything possible in photography; +models of light-houses; dams; geographical maps; Egyptian, Hebrew and +Imperial surveys. Scientific demonstrations in liquid hydrogen and that +queer substance, radium. + +I wuz dretfully interested in that wonderful new discovery and sez I to +myself as I looked at it, "As little as there is of you there is enough +to overturn big systems of science and philosophy, and begin a new +history of the inside of the world." I wuz glad my sect had discovered +this and thought it wuz one of the best things she had done in a number +of years. + +And there wuz all kinds of hygienic displays, chemical and engineering +works. China had a dretful interestin' exhibit, ancient manuscripts, +books published thousands of years before our kind of type wuz invented. +Weapons that wuz old when Mr. Confucious wuz livin'. Armor, costumes, +musical instruments, queer lookin' things them wuz as I ever see and +nothin' I would want to play on. Photo engineering, electrotyping, +lithography, typewriting; telescopes of all kinds from tiny ones up to +ones that weigh four thousand pounds. The latest medical and surgical +instruments. The piano from the first one made up to the present +automatic instruments of all kinds; stringed instruments, church organs; +displays in civil and military engineering; machinery for making good +roads; rock crushers, water purifying, and so on and so on and so on. + +The time spent in this buildin' is full of education as well as +interest. There wuz some beautiful statutes too decoratin' this +buildin', most on 'em I wuz proud to see wuz figgers of my own sect. + +But having sot out for the Palace of Fine Arts we anon wended our way +thither. It is a beautiful building, or ruther there are four massive +buildings connected together to form this Palace of Art. There are three +big buildings in front and an annex, the central building built of stone +and brick is the only permanent buildin' in this enormous Exposition so +naturally they would make it as perfect as possible. + +And it is crowded full of beauty. In fact turn where you would you would +see such glowing landscapes, such beautiful faces, such perfect +sculpture that you git all mixed up, and when you thought it over you +couldn't remember whether some picture or statute that stood out in your +memory wuz in the U.S. exhibit or the French, or German, or Italian, or +etc., etc. + +In lookin' back and thinkin' on't and tryin' to git 'em in the right +place in your mind it is as difficult as it would be in walking through +a big clover meadow and tryin' to sort out the clover blossoms and +describe 'em one by one and tell in jest what corner of the lot you +found 'em. It can't be done; in such an immense field of art your brain +sort o' fills up and turns round and round and you git mixed. But as I +say some of the pictures and statutes stayed in my memory so I couldn't +dislodge 'em and don't want to, no indeed! + +Now there are three noble figgers at the entrance that you can't forgit. +Inspiration standin' up above the main entrance is jest where she should +be. Inspiration, breath of the Most High breathed into some of His +children below anon or oftener, and then on each side is Truth and +Nature. Nature, the kind All Mother, Truth, the divine one. How sweet to +find 'em all there together guardin' and consecratin' these walls. You +went in feelin' safer with such gardeens at the portal. + +I must say though that Truth didn't have any clothes on, she wuz jest +settin' there on top of the world jest as naked as she could be, she +could have wore one of my bib aprons as well as not, durin' the Fair +anyway, whilst there wuz so many folks round and she would have looked +enough sight better to me and been jest as truthful. But howsumever I +knew she wuz likely, her face wuz innocent and beautiful. + +As I said it is some of the pictures and statutes that stand out +clearest in my memory, but there wuz everything else there admirable and +choice in art, paintings in oil, wax; on canvas, wood, enamel, metal, +fresco paintings on walls and ceilings. Water colors, chalk, pastel, +ivory, pyrography. Engravings, etchings, figgers in marble, metal, +plaster. Carvings in ivory, stone, wood, etc. Architectural designs of +all kinds; mosaics; art work in glass, earthen ware, leather, metal; +artistic book binding and etc., etc., etc., and I might spread these out +into volumes. + +And didn't my soul jest spread her wings here in delight, to speak in +flowery language. What pictures of beauty dawned on my rapt eyesight, +faces sweet as wuz ever dremp on, sad faces, tragic faces, old faces and +young faces; children sweet and bonny as wuz ever seen. Youth and love, +age and manhood and gratified ambition, princes and paupers, life and +death. + +Landscapes full of the dewy freshness and joy of the morning, night +seens dark and full of mystery and melancholy. Mountain and valley, hill +and dale, ocean and rivulet. Every phase of human joy and sorrow wuz +depictered there, and every phase of peaceful and warlike life. It wuz a +sight. If I could stayed there a year right in them walls I might have +got round mebby and seen what I wanted to and as long as I wanted to. + +But of course this wuzn't to be, for one thing the Fair would be closed +before and then Josiah wouldn't gin his consent anyway. He got kinder +worrisome as it wuz and didn't want to stay so long as we did, and after +a hour or so I compromised with him, gin him nut cakes occasionally and +anon when we would enter a new gallery he would set down by the door +till I had got through lookin'. + +As I said some of the pictures and statutes clung to my memory as if +they'd been throwed at my mind so powerful that they jest stuck there +and couldn't be dislodged even by all the later multitude of sights +throwed over 'em. + +There wuz one by Whistler full of the subtle mystery that he wrops round +his figgers. Why you know he has painted one that to them that are +sympathetic, the Little Lady in Black, will walk right out of the +picture and come towards 'em, time and agin she's done it, I'm tellin' +the truth that can be proved. + +In the "Mystery of the Night," the female figger dimly discerned through +the veil of mist seems the incarnation of the mystery of sky and sea, +the infinite solemnity, and peace and loneliness of the night. + +There wuz pictures that made you happy, and some that sort o' sent a +chill to your sperit, like Millais' "Chill October," as you looked at it +you almost felt the chill, mournful breeze that you knew wuz sweepin' +along. + +Some queer pictures like the "Ghost Dance" kinder lingered in the +vestibule of your mind. You know your mind has got more different rooms +in it than any house that wuz ever built, and some pictures and folks +don't git into the very inmost rooms; they never git furder than the +doorstep. + +There are three pictures by the King and Queen of Portugal, all on 'em +picturin' humble life. The King's show a peasant drivin' cattle to +water. I wondered if he didn't wish, when he painted it, that he wuz +that care-free herder, who could sing and whistle and wear easy shues, +and throw on any old clothes, and santer out into the dewy mornin' and +do as he wanted to. + +One of the Queen's wuz a farm wagon, such as they carry farm produce in, +but sometimes I spoze load up with merry girls and boys for a happy +outing in the green woods. + +I shouldn't wonder if when she wuz dead tired of the cares, formalities +and burdens of a queen, she wished she wuz one of them happy young girls +riding off in a cotton frock on the old farm wagon into some joyous +picnic. + +The other one of hern wuz a cute little donkey and over all on 'em wuz +bright sunlight and soft shadow. They done well. I wished I could +encouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so--a word of praise sometimes duz so much +good, to anybody from peasant to king. + +Among the statutes that I see to the Fair that stood up straight in my +mind wuz Light and Darkness. Darkness wuz in the form of two men, one on +'em crouched low with his arm over his face drawin' his mantle to hide +from the light. The other male is liftin' his head but his eyes are +still shot, evidently he feels the dawn of sunthin' better and he's +waking up, while standin' erect is the graceful figger of a female, +beautiful and noble, full of boundin' life and light, holdin' up high +over her head a star. She wants to wake up the hull world to the light. + +Dakota wuz pictured as a lady with precious few clothes on; she looked +old in her face, and I told Josiah it wuz a shame to see a woman that +age with such a low-necked dress on. It wuz cut down to the bottom of +her waist. And lots of the men staters wuz wearin' low necks. I didn't +like it, but Josiah remarked that he'd always said: + +"A vest and coat cut low neck would make a man look dressy, and he +believed he should have one made for best." + +I looked coldly at him and said it looked bad enough to see young folks +dress in that way without old folks cuttin' up and actin'. + +Lots of the statutes would looked as well agin if they'd had me to +advise 'em about their clothes, but still take the pictures and statutes +of the Fair as a hull they're magnificent and a honor to the nations. +There are a thousand statutes, all beautiful and inspirin', to be seen +there on the Exposition grounds. + +I wuz glad to see the statute of Dr. Jenner, who discovered vaccination, +tryin' it first on his own son. When it is the law for doctors to try +their medicine first on their own folks, miscelaneous patients will feel +safer. Dr. Jenner acted honorable toward humanity at large. I told +Josiah I hoped the boy got along well and didn't git hit on the arm +while it wuz sore. + +And he said, "I wouldn't worry over folks I never neighbored with, and +I'd better tend to my own companion, who wuz starvin' slowly by my +side." + +He couldn't been so very hungry havin' eat so many nut-cakes since +breakfast, but I dealt out some more to him. + +Well, we stayed in the Art Gallery a long time, so long that Josiah +complained bitterly and sez, "If you stay as long in every buildin' when +will we git round to see the Pike?" Truly Josiah longed for that place +day by day, but as first chaperone of the party I tried to delay him +from goin', knowin' that it must come sometime but gladly puttin' off +the day. + +But I sez soothin'ly, "I shan't want to stay so long at any other +place." And it bein' past our lunch time we went and had a good meal, +and of course Josiah's crossness subsided with every mouthful he took +and his liniment looked like a cosset lamb's in amiability when I +proposed we should go to the Fishery Buildin', it wuzn't so very fur +from there considerin', though as I have said before every place is a +good ways off from anywhere else. You'd have knowed the buildin' by the +great fish that wuz sculped over the entrance. It wuz a bigger fish than +wuz ever lied about in male fish stories, and that's sayin' enough; +connected with this is also an exhibit of forestry and game. We went +into the part devoted to forestry first, there are several acres +outdoors as well as inside devoted to this display, and what didn't we +see there in trees, plants, woods of every kind, forest growth tree +planting, all sorts of useful wood, pine, spruce, hemlock, cedar, all +the hard woods, and everything made of wood; wood pulp, barrels, +baskets, turpentine, alcohol. + +In the United States exhibit wuz immense pictures illustrating our +forests, methods of lumbering, lumber camps, forest fires, etc., etc. +There wuz displays of different species of trees and plants, forest +botany, structure and anatomy of woods, saw-mills, seeds and plants of +all kinds, and all the different woods and products of wood from Egypt +to Japan, barks, roots, cork, rubber, gums, oils, quinine, camphor, +varnish, wax, dye-woods, lumber, staves, why there wuz over two hundred +different kinds of wood from Argentina alone. + +Josiah, who wuz real interested here, sez, "I'd love to have brother +Gowdey step in here a minute; he's proud as a peacock of his strip of +woodland, he thought he covered the hull field of forestry with his wood +pulp and maple sugar. I guess his pride would be took down a little." + +"Well," sez I, "let's look on it as showin' the greatness and wonder of +Providence and be humble and admire." + +"I shall look at it as I'm a minter!" he sez. But I guess he wuz more +reverential for a spell. + +And there wuz all the plants and leaves used in medicine, and mushrooms, +truffles, seeds and plants and implements for gathering and preserving; +drying houses, nurseries, basket work, grass work. It seemed as if +everything that could be known about trees and plants could be learnt +here, and though we knowed we hadn't time or convenience to take all the +knowledge in, no, our heads wuzn't big enough, but they felt crowded +full as we left this buildin'. And that I felt wuz the crownin' glory of +this fair, the new idees and knowledge of better ways and things that +wuz learnt in all these exhibits, and wuz destined in the future to bear +fruit and bless the world. + +In the Fishery department we see all the products of the great water +world that makes up more than half of our earth. Every kind of fish that +ever swum, from a whale to a minnie, salt water and fresh water fish, +and them that are half fish and half animal, and aquatic birds and +aquatic plants of all kinds, and plants that seem half way between +vegetable and animal. Sea grass, shells of all kinds, pearls, +pearl-shells, corals, sponges, skins and furs, illustrations, paintings +and casts illustrating water life of all kinds, fishing grounds. All +kinds of boats, nets, traps, rods, reels, lines, fish curing +establishments, aquariums, and so and so on and so on, and I might write +them "so ons," indefinitely but what would be the use? + +Jest imagine everything that is discovered and brought to light by them +that go down to the sea in ships and there it wuz. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +West of the forestry buildin' growin' right out of the ground is a +immense map of the United States covering five acres of ground, gravel +walks mark the State and coast lines, and each State is sot out in its +own native flowers. + +There it wuz, you could look right down onto it jest like a map, from +the rocky shores of Maine down to Florida. + +Josiah wuz simply infatuated with the sight and I myself thought it wuz +a great idee and I sez: + +"Josiah, this is a plan worthy of Uncle Sam to immortalize what is +dearest to him in living colors." + +"Yes, indeed!" sez he, and after a minute's thought he added, "Others +can foller suit and set them that are dearest to 'em out-doors. If I +live till another spring, Samantha," sez he firmly, "I will set you out +in the paster. The dooryard would be too small to do justice to you. Ury +and I will plant you in the middle of the ten acre lot." + +I wuz touched by the tenderness underlyin' the idee, but sez I, "Have +you counted the cost, Josiah?" + +"I know it will cost, you're hefty and big boneded and I'd want you +heroic size, but we needn't have your hull frame made in posies, I could +plant you in different seeds and raise you like a crop, and sell you in +the fall. Beans would look well in different colors." + +He see my look of cold irony as he spoke of sellin' me, and added, "Or I +could set you out mostly in pusley if you'd ruther, the garden is full +of it." + +"I shall never be sot out in pusley, Josiah Allen, I always hated it. +The hull thing is as crazy as anything you ever undertook." + +"Crazy or not it will be did; summer squash would look well and be +equinomical, I could probable train 'em so you'd seem to be holdin' the +squashes in your arms." + +"Give up the hull skeem, Josiah Allen; don't try to combine love and +economy so clost." + +But he vowed he wouldn't give it up, and I spoze I may see trouble +weanin' him from the idee. + +That night whilst I wuz restin' a little in my room after supper, Josiah +havin' stayed down in the parlor a spell talkin' to granpa Huff and +Billy, Blandina come into my room. She wuz all fagged out, but under the +fag you could see that expression of perennial good nature and love to +man. + +She said she'd been readin' all day to grandpa Huff and as near as I +could make out he'd kep' her right down to them blood-curdlin' chapters +where they fried the martyrs in ile and briled 'em on grid-irons. She +looked dretful tired and I told her I wouldn't gin in and read such +stuff all day. + +But she said Mr. Huff wuz anxious to hear it and she wuz perfectly +willin' and more than willin' to please him, for sez she smilin' in a +queer sort of a way and sort o' bridlin' a little, "I'm anxious to do +anything for him I can because I love him devotedly." + +I wuz fairly stunted. "Love him?" sez I, "why how long ago wuz it that +you loved his grandchild passionately? Why," sez I, "Blandina, you seem +to rob the cradle and the grave for objects of affection." + +"Yes, I did love Billy with perfect devotion till I found that my +affection wuz driven back like a dove from the rest it fain would made +in his youthful heart, and now it has settled down upon his grandpa's +bosom. Mr. Huff needs a companion, Aunt Samantha. He needs a tender +female companion to journey by his side over the rough pathway of life. +And, oh, I do feel that this world is a cold rough place and my heart, +like that wanderin' dove I spoke on, sithes to find rest." + +"Well," sez I reasonably, "mebby a dove would be safe to rest on grandpa +Huff, but I don't believe he could stand the weight of a hen. Why, he's +ninety if he's a day, Blandina." + +She didn't reply but sot lookin' mournful but clever, and agin she sez, +"This is a cold world." + +"Not here it hain't, not in St. Louis," sez I, wipin' my heated forward, +but she went on: + +"My heart has gone out to him without any will of my own. I feel that he +has the makin' of a noble man in him." + +And I sez, "I guess he's made about all he can be on this spear." But +seein' her mournful looks I added, "You're a clever critter, Blandina, +that's what's the matter with you, you're so good hearted you mistake +good nater and pity for love more'n half the time. I don't believe," sez +I feelin'ly, "I ever see a cleverer creeter than you are." And I meant +it, every word I said. + +But she repeated agin, "I love him, Aunt Samantha, with a pure, deep +devotion." + +"Well," sez I, "if I wuz in your place I would take a little catnip tea +and go to bed. I'll steep some for you over my alcohol lamp." I knowed +it wuz her good nater and her nerves that wuz wrought up instead of her +heart, though catnip is good for the heart for all I know. She'd got all +nerved up readin' them dretful things and felt queer, I wuz sorry for +Blandina to think she wuz so very sensitive to masculine influence. She +refused the catnip tea but took the other half of my advice and went to +bed, and I sez to myself, I declare I don't know what the good nater of +that creeter will lead her into and I most wished she wuz back in +Jonesville where that trait of hern wouldn't have so much room for +showin' off and so many objects to practice on, but I felt safe about +grandpa Huff, for I knowed that even if he'd been strong enough to stand +up to be married, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren wouldn't let +him. + +Well, the next morning Molly come, havin' arrived on a sleeper. I +welcomed her warmly. She's a sweet girl, with big eyes soft and brown as +the shallers in our trout brook and a shadder in 'em now some like the +dark places where the deep water is. Hair about the same color, done up +in a shinin' coil on the top of her head, but where it would git loose a +little kinder curlin' and crinklin' about her white forward and round +white neck. A sweet sad expression on her lips, cheeks white as snow now +but meant to be pink and a pretty plump figger. She wuz very beautiful +and called so by good judges. + +And I wuzn't surprised that Billy Huff fell immegiately and voylently in +love with her to his own discomfiture and the great enrichment of them +that sold perfumery and hair-oil. But I knowed it wouldn't hurt him any, +it wuz only a new face to hang up for the present in the gallery of a +boy's Fancy. Aunt Tryphena fairly worshipped her. She immegiately rose +to the top place in her gallery of perfect beings. Nothing wuz too good +for her, no service she could render her wuz too hard, she almost soared +up to that pinnacle on which her Prince Arthur dwelt. Dotie became her +willin' adorer and Miss Huff couldn't do enough for her. + +But to resoom backward a little. Molly didn't want to go to the Fair +ground that morning, wantin' to rest and recooperate, so Josiah, +Blandina and I sot forth a little later than common. There wuz a +stoppage of the cars some ways from the gate and we got out and walked +thinkin' we'd git there quicker, Josiah started to step off first when +Blandina rushed past him, waved him back, and descended herself right +into the midst of horses heads and huffs and yells and profanity from +two drivers who wuz stoppin' the way and wuz revilin' each other, and +after we got safe onto the sidewalk and wuz walkin' along I sez to her: + +"You ort to be more careful, Blandina, or you'll find yourself killed +some day and trompled on, I wuz skairt for you." + +"Oh, I didn't think about myself, I wuz only thinkin' of savin' dear +uncle Josiah, it wuzn't so much matter about me. A woman's life you know +is not worth anything compared to a man's." + +"Oh, shaw!" I sez, I wuz driv to it, and I sez it agin, "Oh, shaw!" + +"Why, Aunt Samantha, you know it has been decided that that is so. It +has been settled by law that a female's life is worth only half as much +as a man's. Don't you remember last spring in Brooklyn it wuz settled +once for all that a female child's life wuzn't worth only half as much +as a male child?" + +Sez I, "I remember a man's saying so, I don't remember it wuz proved; I +myself thought it wuz about as hefty a thing as a judge ever undertook +to try to set a value on two human lives with all their glorious and +terrible possibilities, and," sez I, eppisodin' a little but walkin' +along all the time, "how did that man know but the soul of a Florence +Nightingale would wake up in that girl and bless the world for all time? +And how did he know but the boy would prove a Benedict Arnold or a +Guiteau? An evil influence to curse the world forever. It wuz a hefty +job, and if Josiah had been judge I wouldn't let him undertook it, or if +he had I'd had him set an equal value on what God and nater and human +affection had made equal." + +"Well, well," sez Josiah, "le'ss git along unless you want to stay here +and preach all day on the sidewalk." + +"But," sez I, "I'm not preachin', Josiah, I'm eppisodin'." + +"Well, there is a time for eppisodin' and a time for common sense, and +le'ss git along." + +He acted real grumpy, I guess he'd thought more on me, if I had +pretended I thought his life wuz worth double mine. But I wouldn't say I +thought so not even for love's sake. And mebby he squirmed because I +said I would have him do thus and so. Men are so queer! you can't always +tell jest where the shue pinches, but you know by their actin' and +behavin' that it pinches somewhere. + +But Blandina sez, evidently reconnoitering the past seen in her memory, +"No livin' bein' will ever make me think a man's life is not worth more +than a woman's." Well, she felt so and I couldn't make her over at this +late day, she'd been made too long, so Common Sense, with whom I always +try to be on the most intimate terms, told me I hadn't better multiply +any more words with her. Josiah's liniment wuz some clouded till his +mind wuz took up by seein' some horses with hats on which truly wuz +needed in that torrid heat, and he forgot his temporary shagrin in +visions of the future. + +Sez he, "The first work I do when I git home will be to git a hat for +the old mair; I won't have to buy one, Tirzah Ann's last summer hat will +be jest the thing. You know that one trimmed with red roses and shiffon +and long lace streamers. Your hats ain't dressy enough; why the old mair +hain't quite twenty-one, hain't old enough to vote even if her sect had +the privelige. She's young and ort to dress young. That hat will be jest +the thing. And what a sensation we will make enterin' Jonesville on a +Sunday mornin', the mair, myself and you, we shall attract world-wide +attention." But that minute we got to the gate and entered in. I never +shall ride after the mair with a hat on, and pink roses and long lace +streamers, never. But didn't argey about it. + +Well, Josiah couldn't be held off any longer, he would go to the Pike +that mornin'; I told him it wuzn't writ in my pad. + +And he sez, "Dum that pad! Am I goin' to be held in by that pad, and led +round by it all summer? I'm goin' to the Pike to-day and you can do as +you're a minter." And Blandina jined in of course and said that if dear +Uncle Josiah's mind wuz sot on it it wuz best to go, and she sez kinder +low to me, "it wuzn't right to cross a man unless it wuz absolutely +necessary." + +I wuz goin' to twit her and tell her that as first chaperone I wuz the +one to settle these matters, but I see Josiah wuz gittin' too agitated, +one look at his gloomy face made me think of the past, and I gin in as +gracefully as I could, and we wended our way thither with no more +parley, and Josiah, as soon as our heads wuz turned that way, begun to +brighten up and look better, and so about one-half of my mind and sperit +wuz satisfied. And sometimes I think you can't be satisfied any more +than that on this spear wherever you go, and whatever you see, specially +if you have a man to deal with that is more or less fraxious and +worrisome. To ease his mind and temper you'll git led into strange and +devious paths time and agin. + +But to resoom forward. The Four Cowboys on a Tear guardin' the entrance +to the Pike confronted us and in their wild and boysterous hilarity +seemed to my agitated and forebodin' sperit to shadow forth what we +would find inside their domain. They wuz a strange and skairful set, +their clothes wuz rough and disheveled and so wuz their linements. They +all on 'em brandished aloft a pistol, seemin' to be on the lookout for +someone to shoot. Their horses wuz on the dead gallop and you knowed by +the expression on their faces jest what blood curdlin' yells wuz issuin' +from their throats. + +Why, if you'll believe it they wuz goin' at such a gallopin' prancin' +gait that the feet of one of their horses never touched the ground, all +four of his feet wuz gallopin' through the air. Josiah sez as he looked +at it: + +"I would give a dollar bill to Ury in a minute if he could learn the +colt to do that trick, gallop along without his feet touchin' the +ground. Jest think what a sensation it would make to the Jonesville +fair. The old mair is too old of course to git the trick." + +"Yes," sez I, "I guess her feet will never be lifted altogether from the +ground till they are turned up in their last rest. But I wouldn't try, +Josiah Allen, to imitate that roarin' and rakish set if I wuz in your +place, you a member of the meetin' house." + +"Oh, keep throwin' that meetin' house in my face, I should think you'd +git tired ont but don't spoze you will." + +And Blandina sez, "Oh, Aunt Samantha, don't be too harsh on them happy +young men, it is only their high sperits. They would probable settle +down and make the best of husbands if they had a tender and loving +companion. I wonder," sez she, "if they wuz took from life and if +they're here to the Fair I do so like the looks of one on 'em, I believe +we would be congenial." + +I hurried 'em along, the one she pinted out had his pistol raised the +highest of the lot and he looked the most rakish. + +But you forgot the looks of the cow-boys as you stood at the entrance +and got a full view of the Pike. A perfect flood of all the colors of +the rainbow, and towers and steeples and domes and crescents, and +ornaments of all kinds busts on your vision, and at the same time your +ear-pans are assailed by a noise like the sound of many waters, it is +the big crowd that is surgin' through the Pike to and fro, fro and to, +and keep at it night and day. + +The great crowd seen here all the time shows how much the average human +craves amusement and recreation. For the Pike is the amusement street of +the Exposition. And a bystander standin' by told us that it extended a +mild and a half from the Lindel entrance where we entered clear up to +the Skinker road. + +"What Skinker is that?" sez Josiah to the man. "Is he any relation to +the Skinkerses up in Zoar? Old Ethan Skinker had a boy who come West. +Most probable you've seen him here; I know most every stranger that +comes to Jonesville." + +"Where is Zoar?" sez the man, an uppish lookin' creeter, but sunk in +ignorance, for when Josiah sez, "Zoar is four milds from Jonesville," +sez the man: + +"Where is Jonesville?" + +And Josiah sez to me, "I'll be jiggered, Samantha, if this man at this +age of the world don't know where Jonesville is." + +"Well," sez I coolly, "we hain't expected to civilize all creation, +Josiah." And as we had jest come to the entrance of the Tyoleran Alps I +wouldn't let Josiah stop and parley with him any furder. He wuz kinder +snickerin' to himself, a ignorant onmannerly creeter. + +I had told Josiah and he fell in with the idee to once (he is clost) +that we wouldn't try to see all the sights of the Pike. But this bein' +the first one we come to we thought we would enter and we found it wuz a +highly interestin' spectacle. + +There wuz lofty snow-crowned mountains, some on 'em that seemed fur +away, and some nigher by, a lake lyin' smooth and placid at their feet. +Its shore wuz dotted with trees, and little picturesque cottages nestled +on its banks. + +Anon a large fair city spread out at the foot of the serene mountains. +Then you would come to an immense castle, so nigh the mountain that it +seemed to grow out of it with its ivied walls and lofty towers pierced +with quaintly paned windows. Crowds of sightseers passin' in and out its +lofty arched entrance and walking through the grounds outside. + +Another castle, handsomer yet, wuz the castle of Linderhof, which stands +in stately magnificence at the foot of the mountain, but furder away +from it. Rows of clipped evergreens stand along its white terraces and +masses of foliage on each side. A white monument towered up to the sky +in the centre of its beautiful lawn in front, and nigher by there wuz a +big leapin' fountain guarded on each side by statutes of female wimmen +reclining at ease but seemin' to have their eye on the hull beautiful +seen and tendin' to things, as wimmen have to. + +Then anon you would come to a little village with pretty houses, mostly +gables. There wuz a mountain torrent with several bridges over it that +foamed and dashed along through the quaint little place. Pretty girls in +their gay national costume accosted us from the verandas anon or oftener +wantin' to sell sooveneers. + +Josiah noticed the price they asked and hurried me onwards. They wuz +real pretty girls so I didn't mind so much goin' on (married wimmen will +understand my feelin's. We have to keep one eye out more or less). + +There is a little chapel and below it cut from solid rock is a statute +of Andreas Hofer, victorious soldier, lover of country, but like many +another hero he had to suffer martyrdom for it. But his grateful +countrymen keeps his memory green. I wuz glad to see it. + +It wuz a pretty place: the lofty mountain side with cow bells tinkling +along the winding roads, the cool pretty villages below, chimes sounding +from high towers, the peasants singing their national songs, the bands +ringing out their stirring melodies. And you could take a tram car and +go through some of the loveliest seens in the Alps. We stayed there some +time. + +I have hearn since that them mountains wuz holler and they keep beer and +stimulants there, Id'no how true it is. But I sez, "If it is so it is +symbolical of where such stuff and its dealers will find themselves if +they don't repent, down in the dirt and the dark, keepin' company with +the Prince of Darkness. But I didn't see hide nor hair of any of 'em and +don't know as there wuz anything to see." + +I kinder wanted to go into the Irish Village, and said so; I remarked +that you could buy Irish linen and lace there right on the spot. But +Josiah sez, thrustin' his portmoney deeper in his pocket, "Id'no why we +should go in there, we hain't Irish." + +But I sez, "Miss Huff said it wuz dretful interestin', Josiah, I'd +kinder like to see it." + +But Josiah gin another deeper thrust to his portmoney and must have +strained his pocket and sez in terser, hasher axents: + +"We hain't Irish!" + +And I sez kinder short, "Id'no as we're Alps." But I didn't argy there +wuz so many folks round, wimmen have to choke off time and agin and +conceal their shagrin' and their pardner's actin'. + +Miss Huff had told me a lot about it. She said they had a real House of +Parliament and you could drive in jaunting cars through Lake Kilarney +region and the rocky road to Dublin that we've all hearn about. + +Blarney Castle is used here as a theatre with stirring national plays +going on and there is an Irish arch over nine hundred years old, and in +a village here is an Irish national exhibit together with a Scotch +display, laces, linens, carpets, etc., and there is a gallery of famous +Irish beauties. She said it wuz as good as a visit to Ireland to study +the country and the looks and ways of the people. + +But as I say, Josiah hurried me past the long, many windowed front of +the Irish Industrial Exhibit with its gay flags wavin' out on top +bagonin' us to come in, past the famous St. Lawrence gate, Droggeda, one +of the most famous relics in all Ireland, with its tall towers and its +noble archway filled with crowds of sightseers, for he had seen right by +the side of that gate a big roundin' entrance arch with the round world +poised above it and above the arch in letters as high as he wuz: + +Under and Over the Sea. + +And of course he wuz bound to indulge in that luxury. And it wuz +thrillin' in the extreme though I stood it better than he did. + +The first thing you see is a submarine boat, you can see this plain from +the Pike and the passengers embarkin' on it, two hundred and fifty can +be carried by this boat at one time, and Josiah led us onto it with a +excited linement, but he tried to look brave and fearless. + +But the sights we see down there wuz enough to dismay a man weighin' far +more than Josiah. You could look right out of the boat on the dashin' +waves, water above you and on every side and see the strange monsters of +the deep, and the queer marine growths and blossoms. Imagine seein' +whales up over your head comin' right towards you, and Id'no but there +wuz leviathians, I guess there wuz, they wuz big enough. + +Anon you come to the river Seine in Paris and swoop up to the top of +Eiffel Tower. Blandina sez holdin' onto my tabs, "From the bowels of the +earth up to the vaulted heavings!" + +I said tabs, but I meant tab, for Josiah had holt of the other with an +almost frenzied grasp, and sez he, "Where will we go next, Samantha?" + +And I sez, "Id'no, mebby to the moon or Mars." + +And Blandina in trembling axents sez, "I wish I wuz safe at Mars." + +Her ma is old but got her faculties. And Josiah sez with chatterin' +teeth and quaverin' voice as he looked down from the dizzy hite onto +Paris, "If I git through this alive I shall be glad to tell the brethren +about it." + +Far below us lay the illuminated city, for it wuz night, and a beautiful +seen but sort o' melancholy. And sure enough, as if to prove my words +true, here at the very top of the tower wuz an air-ship on which we took +flight through the boundless fields of air. Paris died on our vision, +then we floated over many cities and harbors, up the English Channel, +anon the lights of London are passed and we are high up above the ocean. +Weird and wild is the seen, the moon comes up, black clouds rise, and +the voice of the winds is heard, then the rumbling of thunder and the +forked lightning darts its baleful glare at us. + +Josiah whispers, "Samantha, have you got on your gold beads?" + +[Illustration] + +I wear 'em under my collar but most always take 'em off in a thunder +storm not wantin' to be struck in my neck. And I seen him furtively +gittin' ready to throw away his jack-knife. But at that minute the storm +calms down and Josiah replaces his knife jest as we enter New York +harbor. A flight over sea and land, forest and city, and we land agin at +the Exposition. + +As we disembarked Josiah grasped holt of my hand ostensibly to help me +but really in tender greeting, and sez in fervid axents, "I wouldn't +have you take that trip alone, Samantha, without me with you to protect +you, not for worlds." + +"No," sez Blandina, "what would we have done without dear Uncle Josiah +by our side?" + +I didn't argy but felt that he wouldn't with his size and weight made +much headway agin them whales and water monsters to say nothin' of +danger by drowndin' and fallin' from the sky. But he felt neat and we +wended our way on. + +Josiah said he didn't care about goin' to Asia, and I said it wuz a pity +not to when we wuz so nigh, but he kinder hurried me on. + +I told him that the Streets of Seville interested me, for it wuz planned +by a woman, the only woman who ever received a concession in a amusement +street of a Exposition. + +And Josiah sez, "I shall spend my money on sunthin' of more importance; +it probable all runs to crazy quilts and tattin." + +But it wuz no such thing, it wuz perfectly beautiful, as I've hearn +folks say that have been there. But I see he wuz beginnin' to look +kinder mauger, and as first chaperone I sez anxiously, "Where do you +want to go, dear Josiah? Do you want to go to Hagenbecks Animal Show?" + +"No, I don't; I shall see animals enough when I git home in my own +barnyard." + +"Well, do you want to go to the Hereafter, Josiah?" + +"No, we shall git there all right if we keep on without my payin' out +money. I told you I wuzn't goin' to pay to go in to all these places." + +"Well, do you want to go to France or Ceylon or Persia? Or Cairo? Or +where do you want to go?" + +Sez he, cross as a bear, "I want to go where I can git sunthin' to eat." + +And I sez, "Dear Josiah, I've been so took up I forgot your appetite; we +will go to once." And havin' heard that good food could be got in Japan +we hastened thither. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +We entered Fair Japan through a big gateway a hundred feet high. It wuz +called the Temple of Kiko, it wuz all covered with carvin' and gold +ornaments. And they say it couldn't be made now of the same materials +for a million dollars. It would been magnificent lookin' if it hadn't +been for what looked like serpents wreathin' up the pillars in front. I +hate snakes! and they're the last ornaments I would ever sculp over my +front door. + +Blandina said they wuz dragons, and mebby they wuz. 'Tennyrate they wuz +fastened to the pillars and didn't offer to hurt us. We got quite a good +meal, but queer, in a tea-house on the borders of the lake. They had the +best tea I ever drinked. I asked 'em how long they steeped it, and how +much they put in for a drawin', but they bein' ignorant didn't seem to +understand me. But I enjoyed bein' there, for whilst our inner men and +wimmen wuz bein' refreshed our minds wuz enriched by this real picture +of life in Japan, for in there it is jest as if we had traveled +thousands of milds and wuz sot down in the real Japan. + +After the edge of Josiah's hunger wuz squenched he begun to look about +him and praise up the looks of the Geisha girls that wuz dancin' or +rather posterin' in their pretty modest way, and some on 'em playin' on +queer lookin' instruments that looked some like my carpet sweeper. + +These girl musicians wuz settin' on the floor dressed in what seemed to +be gay colored night gowns, and they looked well enough, kinder innocent +and modest lookin'. But I told him it wuzn't becomin' in a old man and a +professor to be so enthusiastick over young girls dancin' and playin'. + +And he sez, "Oh, well, fetch on your girl blinders and I'll put 'em on. +But till you git 'em for me and harness me up in 'em I've got to look +round some." + +But I told him there wuz enough for him to see besides girls and there +wuz. For it beats all what long strides the Japans have made in every +branch of education and culture. If they keep on in the next century as +they have in this some of the so-called advanced nations will have to +take a back seat and let this little brown, polite people stand to the +head. But then they have been cultured for hundreds of years, though +lots of folks don't seem to know it. + +But I am sorry to say it wuzn't the high art and culture of Japan that +Josiah wuz most interested in, but the queer things, such as the strange +stunted trees trained into forms of men and animals hundreds of years +old and no higher than a common chair, and lots of 'em not so high. And +there wuz roosters with tails twenty-five feet long. + +Josiah said he wuz bound to git an egg and see if he could hatch one. + +And I sez, "Where would it roost? It's tail is long agin as the hen +house is high." + +Well, he said in the summer it could roost on top of the barn with its +tail kinder hangin' down and out over the smoke house. + +But it wuzn't a minute before his eyes wuz took up with some images, +some big ones covered with the most exquisite carvin', down to them so +small, if you'll believe it, they wuz carved out of a single kernel of +rice. And there wuz gold fish and a hundred other kinds of fishes, and +you see there the common houses of the people and people livin' in them +jest as they do in their own country, and a royal palace, arched +bridges, lanterns hangin' everywhere, pagodas, temples, lagoons with +ornamental boats, cascades, etc. All made a pretty picture, though +curious. + +Then in Asakusa, a native village of Japan, is forty stores and there +you see the most beautiful display of rugs, carved ivory and wood, +porcelain, jewels, fans, paintings, etc., and the workmen busy making +'em right before your eyes. And in the narrer streets jugglers, +acrobats, fortune tellers are giving their mysterious performances. +There are bands of music, jinrikishaws with men harnessed up in 'em, and +you can ride in 'em if so inclined. + +There wuz quite a number of places on the Pike that we passed that I +kinder wanted to see, but Josiah wuzn't willin' to pay out too much +money, and what interested me most wuz the foreign countries that I had +never had a chance to see, they havin' the misfortune to be so fur from +Jonesville. But when we got to the Chinese Village, it had such a +magnificent and showy front that Josiah never made an objection to goin' +inside. + +I wuz dretful glad to go there, you know it is nater to want to do what +you can't. And China has been so determined to keep Josiah and I and the +world out of her empire, I wuz glad enough to git in, and wuz real +interested lookin' at them queer yeller pig-tailed little creeters with +dresses on, and their funny little houses. + +There wuz a big Chinese theatre, and a Joss house where they worship +Joss, whoever he or she may be, I wanted to have their religion +explained to me, there wuz a guide there to do it. + +But Josiah said that as a deacon he wouldn't countenance it, for I might +be led into idolatry. And when I argued with him he whispered to me: + +"Samantha, if you insist on hangin' round their meetin' house here any +longer I shall say out loud, 'By Joss!'" + +At that fearful threat I started on, I wouldn't let him demean himself +before the heathen. + +You can see here in this country, as in Japan, native workers plyin' +their different trades, mechanics, painters, jewelers, etc., etc. Silk +weavers usin' the same old, onhandy looms they used centuries ago, ivory +carvers fashionin' elephants and other animals, and all on 'em tryin' to +sell to us in their high-pitched voices. + +I had quite a number of emotions here in China a musin' on the oldness +and strangeness of their civilization, and wonderin' if it would ever be +merged into a newer, fresher life. + +Blandina didn't share my lofty emotions, she simpered some and said, "I +believe they would make lovely husbands if their eyes wuz sot in +straighter and they dressed different." + +And I sez, "I wouldn't admire 'em in that capacity, but after all they +would be equinomical husbands. If you had a calico dress kinder wore off +round the bottom you could cut it off and make 'em wear it, men's +clothes are so expensive it would be quite a savin'. And you could pass +him off for the hired girl if strangers come onexpected, though that is +sunthin' I wouldn't approve on, fur from it, a hauty sperit goes before +a fall, as I told Josiah once when he got on a new kind of collar that +held his head up so high he fell over the wood-box." + +But to resoom. The Chinese are curious lookin', but equinomical, they +can live on a few grains of rice a day, and America owes 'em a debt of +gratitude anyway for tunnelin' her Rocky Mountains, buildin' her big +railroads and diggin' ditches to water the land and make it beautiful +that they're shet out of. + +Blandina sez to me as we wended our way out, "No man ort to be turned +back out of this country." She said the Chinee wuz good, industrious, +equinomical and peaceable. + +And I sez, "Yes, they work well and don't go round like some other +foreigners with a chip on their shoulder. But," sez I, "Blandina, I will +not tell the nation what to do in this matter; there is so much to be +said on both sides it must not depend on me to settle it, and they +needn't ask me to." + +I hadn't more than said these words as we wuz strollin' along when who +should we meet but Royal and Rosy Nelson. I knowed they wuz to be +married the very day after we left for St. Louis. We wuz invited but +couldn't go, our plans bein' all laid and tickets bought, but I sent 'em +a handsome present, for I wuz highly tickled with the match. + +Truly no rose ever looked sweeter hangin' on its bough than did Rosy +Nelson hangin' onto the arm of her devoted consort, and he I thought wuz +well named, so royal and proud wuz his mean as he introduced his wife. + +I kissed her warmly right there in China and promised to make her a all +day's visit soon as I got home, I'm lottin' on't. + +We talked a little about past troubles caused by Jabezeses and +inventions, and the glories of the Fair, and then they strolled off +happy as two turkle doves, not needin' or desirin' any other company +than their own, and showin' it plain by their actions. Josiah was put +out about it for he wanted to find out about how things wuz to home, +bein' highly tickled to meet a male Jonesvillian. + +Blandina sez as they walked away, bound up in each other and both on 'em +wropped up in the glowin' mantilly of youth and joy: "Oh, happy, happy +wedded souls! how I envy you." + +And Josiah sez in a fraxious axent, "How queer it is that two such smart +young folks can look and act so spooney, but thank heaven! it won't +last. It won't be long before Royal will be willin' to pass the time o' +day with a Jonesvillian." + +I told him there wuz nothin' so beautiful as love. "No, nor nothin' that +makes folk act so like pesky fools, they don't act as though they knew +putty." + +I hated such oncongenial idees. But couldn't deny they wuz spooney, for +they wuz, not a small teaspoon but a big silver dinner spoon, and I +believe it will last. Not the outward form of the spoon, oh, no, that +would be too wearisome to the world and themselves, but the precious +metal that forms it. Love is the greatest thing in the world. + +Blandina had always lived in a back place and had never heard a +graphophone, so bein' kinder tired, and bein' nigh a place where they +had one, we went in at her request and sot for quite a spell. + +And we heard voices and songs gay and sad, marches and melodies, +loftiest oratory, maddest mirth and profoundest feeling all comin' out +of a little square box, what a idee! + +What a man that Edison is. It seems always like watchin' the wonderful +onseen secrets of nater, like seein' the mortal made immortal to think +that voices we've loved and mourned as they wuz hushed in the last +stillness can sound out agin, breakin' our hearts with the same old +echoes, the same old sweetness of the voice we loved and lost, talkin' +in mortal words and axents to us when they've long, long ago learnt the +immortal language, beheld the immortal seens. + +Why Cleopatra's voice might have been stored up as she made love to +Antony, or the voice of the relation on her own side, old Mr. Pharo +himself orderin' the Hebrews to git out of his premises, and their back +talk about plaguin' him till he wuz willin' they should go. + +Why even Eve scoldin' Adam about slackness in gittin' kindlin' wood or +her pardner complainin' about her wastefulness and extravagance in usin' +so many fig leaves for her fall suit. Oh, how nateral, how nateral that +would sound to wimmen. + +Or old Noah's voice as he stood in the Ark door bagonin and shoutin' to +the animals to walk in male and female. Or his voice kinder soothin' and +patronizin' tellin' the female dove to go out and shirk round on the +water and see if it wuz safe for the males in the party to go out. Oh, +how nateral that would sound to wimmen, soundin' out through the +centuries. + +And on and on down the long years, Job's voice complainin' of the bitter +comfort of his friend's familiar talk. He'd stood losin' family and +fortune and had stood biles but the seven days' visitation and the "I +told-you-sos" and the advice of well wishers wuz too much for him. + +And Solomon's talk to Miss Sheba and hem to him. And Daniel's talk by +the deep waters, and mebby the Great Voice that said to him: + +"Understand!" + +And brave Queen Esther's voice facin' her enemies and a drunken king, +and sweet Ruth's, and Paul's incomparable words, and St. John's. Or the +lofty voices of the Patriot fathers as they nobly shrieked for freedom +as they threw their pardner's tea overboard, while they hung onto their +whiskey and tobacco that wuz taxed twice as high. + +Oh, how their impassioned cries for liberty, and how they would +willin'ly sacrifice their wives favorite beveridge ruther than to yield +to the tyrant. How nateral, how nateral them noble yells would sound to +their descendant females, the Daughters of the Revolution, and all the +rest. What would it be for us all to hear them axents, and it could have +been done if Edison had been born sooner and that little box had been +round. + +I didn't wonder that Blandina wuz enthused, it is enough to enthuse +anybody that never has hearn it, she said she laid out to go every day +three or four times a day and stay jest as long as she could. + +One of the most remarkable sights we see on the Pike wuz Jim Key, a +horse that is valued at a hundred thousand dollars, who travels in his +own private car. A horse that can read and write, spell, understand +mathematics, go to the post office, git mail from any box, give chapter +and verse of Bible text where the horse is mentioned, uses the +telephone, and is so intelligent you expect him to break out in oratory +any time. + +Josiah wuz spell bound here, I could hardly tear him away. And sez he: + +"The first thing I do when I go home will be to send the colt to the +deestrick school." + +I told him the teacher wouldn't want him whinnerin' round amongst her +scholars, and mebby gallopin' and snortin' round the schoolroom. + +But he wuz as firm as adamant in his idee. And Id'no what I shall do +about it. But spoze the trustees will have to head him off. + +Josiah wanted to go and see the Fire Fighters, he said he thought he +could git some idees to tell the brethren that wuz in the fire company, +and Blandina and I wanted to see the Esquimeaux Village. We went on, +Josiah promisin' to meet us there. And as we went I said: + +"I've sung for years about Greenland's icy mountains, but never spozed I +should set my eyes on 'em." For there towerin' up to the skies wuz +immense ice mountains peaked and desolate lookin', and inside it looked +worse yet. A bare snowy place broken by cold lookin' water dotted with +ice islands and surrounded by tall ice peaks. I don't spoze it wuz real +ice and snow, but looked like it. + +And there wuz reindeers hitched to sleds, and the low round huts of the +natives lookin' jest like the pictures in our old Gography. And there +wuz some white bears natural as life, and dog teams haulin' sledges, +toiling up the steep cliffs hitched tantrum. The natives wuz queer +lookin' little creeters, dark complexioned, dressed in furs and thick +costooms. But little Nancy Columbus born at the World's Fair, Chicago, +wuz cute as she could be. + +There wuz a big street show at the other end of the Pike and this place +wuz most deserted by sight-seers, and Blandina and I sot down on a bench +by the side of one of these little housen to rest. As we did so we hearn +the voice of oratory comin' from the other side, where some Esquimeaux +seemed to be gathered with open mouths and wonderin' linements. The +orator seemed to be finishin' his address in words as follers: + +"Let us not permit ourselves to be spiritually incapacitated by +quandaries regarding the control of earthly matter. Let us +circumnavigate the ethereal realms of unexplored ether, quander the +unquanderable until the everlastin' stupendiousness of the whyness of +the what shall dawn on the enraptured vision, and precipitate the +effulgent tissues of ethereal matter in one glorious pulchritude of +transcendentalism." + +As the speaker paused for needed breath Blandina clasped her hands and +sithed out, "Oh, what glorious eloquence! I never hearn anything like +it!" + +And I sez, "I never did but once, I know that voice, though I hain't +hearn it for twenty years; that is Prof. Aspire Todd." And I thought to +myself, he is practicin' over a speech, and thought the Esquimeaux would +stand it better than tribes less humble and good natered. And so it +turned out; he hoped he would be invited to speak at a scientific +meetin' to take place in Festival Hall in a day or two, and bein' to the +Inside Inn he'd tried to orate his speech in his own room, but it is +built so shammy you can hear things from one end to the other, and they +threatened him with horse whippin' on one side and lynchin' on the +other, and bein' drove to it he tried it on the Esquimeauxs. They stood +it pretty well, though I noticed one or two on 'em weepin' bitterly, not +knowin' what ailed 'em. + +Well, to resoom backward, I sez to Blandina, "I hearn Aspire Todd at a +Fourth of July celebration in Josiah's sugar bush." + +"Oh," sez Blandina, claspin' her hands, "would it be possible for you to +introduce me to that noble being?" + +Sez I, "You like his talk then?" + +"Oh, yes!" sez she, shutting her eyes and clasping her hands. "His +matchless eloquence is beyond praise." + +"So 'tis," sez I, "way beyond my praise. But I can introduce you if you +want me to; he visited me that time he wuz in Jonesville and stayed to +supper." So as he come round the corner of the buildin' follered by some +bewildered lookin' natives I put out my hand and sez, "I don't know as +you know me, Professor Aspire Todd, but you visited me in Jonesville. I +am Josiah Allen's wife." + +He grasped my hand almost warmly and sez, "Indeed my memory retroacts +readily on that delightsome remembrance." + +And then I introduced Blandina, knowin' I wuz makin' her perfectly happy +by so doin'. He'd growed old considerable, which I didn't blame him for +and didn't see as he could help it, twenty years havin' gone by. His +hair, which wuz still long and hung down over his turn-down collar, wuz +streaked with gray. But he still had the same kind of a curious, +sentimental, high-flown look to him. + +I didn't admire his looks, but Blandina's manners to him wuz worshipful, +and it seemed to agree with him first rate, he seemed really to take to +her. And as he asked to accompany and go with us to the next exhibit, I +fell in with it, and when my pardner come walked ahead with him while +Professor Todd follered with a perfectly blissful Blandina, and before +they parted he arranged a rondevoo next day with Blandina. + +I wuz beat out when I got home and Miss Huff sent Aunt Pheeny up to my +room with a glass of hot lemonade and some crackers, supper not bein' +quite ready owin' to shiftless works in the kitchen. Molly wuz in my +room also sweet as a June rosy. Aunt Tryphena wuz quiverin' with +excitement, and she sez, "Lazy, good for nothin' things! but it hain't +what they _do_ that I mind but it is their iggorance I despise." + +Sez Molly, "If they are ignorant you ought to overlook it, Aunt Pheeny." + +[Illustration] + +"Overlook it!" sez she, turnin' an' facin' us with her hands on her +portly hips. "I hain't used to no such trash. When anybody has lived +with the highest nobility they can't stomach such low down niggers. Why, +I used to have 'em kneelin' at my feet, four or five at a time, askin' +what I'd have for dinner. And that poor, iggorent, low-down cook in the +kitchen told me jest now I lied about Prince Arthur, that there never +wuz such a prince, and I sez to her, 'How any black nigger can stand +makin' bakin' powder biscuit and tell such lies is a mystery to me.'" + +"Well, you know Princes are not common in this country," sez I. + +She drew herself up more hautily, "Such a Prince as that hain't common +in no country! Why he's so handsome and good the very birds in the trees +will stop singin' to listen to his talk, and the grass turn brighter +green where he's stepped on it, and the May-flowers peek up and blush +with happiness if he looks at 'em." + +"How come you to leave him, Aunt Pheeny, if he wuz so perfect?" + +"I tole you before," sez she with dignity, "that when he went off to +school I wuzn't in no ways bound to stay with ole Miss. She wuz jealous, +you know, jealous of me. Prince Arthur made more of me, we used to sing +together, you know I've sung in Concorts and Operations, been a star in +'em. Ole Miss couldn't sing no more than a green frog. And he always +said when he got married I wuz to live with him, that nachully sot up +his Ma's back, and I santered off one day, never tole her I wuz goin', +but jest lifted up my train, I wore long pink and blue satin dresses +then, and I jest santered out the house over to Californy and Asia and +so on to Chicago, and then hired out to Miss Dotie's ma. And here I is!" +sez she firmly, and took up the empty tray and departed. + +She wuz a good singer, her voice full of the sweetness and heart +searchin' pathos of her race. And her wild flights of imagination never +hurt anyone but herself. + +Well, after supper, which they called dinner, I felt considerable +better. Josiah stayed down in the parlor talkin' to Grandpa Huff and +Billy, and Molly come up in my room agin and sot with me, whilst +twilight let down her soft gray mantilly round us and pinned it to the +earth with silver stars (metafor). + +I always take it as a great compliment when folks confide the deepest +secrets of their heart to me. And Id'no why it is, but they most always +do; I mean them that I take to nachully. Sometimes I've felt first rate +by it and spozed it wuz because I had such a noble riz up look to my +face. But Josiah sez it is because I have such a soft look that folks +think they can pour their griefs into me and they will sink in, some +like water into cotton battin, and they can lose sight of their sorrows +for a spell and relieve 'em some. Well, Id'no which it is, but +'tennyrate as Molly sot there with me lookin' as wan and pale as a white +rose on a cold November evenin' she told me the whole story, hid from +her own folks but revealed unto a Samantha. + +Josiah may say what he's a mind to, but I believe it is the natural +nobility of my linement that drawed it from her. While she wuz away +visitin' this school chum in a southern city she met a young chap +handsome as Appolyan, I knew from what she said, and so talented and +gifted, I could see in a minute they had fell in love voylently from the +very first time they met, and day by day the attraction growed till they +wuz completely wropped up in each other. She said he seemed to worship +her. + +But strange, strange thing! with all the love he showed her, in every +word and act, he left her without a word, only a sort of a wild note +saying he could not endure the wretchedness of seeing a heaven so near +that he could not hope to enter, and after that silence, deep, dark and +onbroken silence and despair. "And my heart is broken!" sez she, as she +laid her pretty head in my lap sobbin' out, "What shall I do! Oh, what +shall I do!" + +She wep' and cried and cried and wep', and I wep' with her, my snowy +handkerchief held in one hand, the other hand tenderly caressin' the +bowed head in my lap. But as she said the word Silence it brung up +sunthin' I had read that very day, and I sez: + +"Dear, did you ever hear of enterin' into the Silence?" + +"Yes," sez Molly, liftin' her tear wet, sweet face, "I have a friend who +enters into the Silence for hours, and she says that everything she +greatly desires and asks for at that time, is given her. She calls it +the New Thought." + +"And I call it the Old Thought, Molly, older than the creation of man. +And what they call Entering into the Silence, I call Waiting on the +Lord. And what I call prayer, they, from what I read, most probable call +waking up the solar plexus, whatever that may be. But it don't make much +difference what a thing is called, the name is but a pale shadow +compared to the reality. Disciples of the New Thought, Christian +Scientists, Healers, Spiritualists, etc., are, I believe, reaching out +and feeling for the Light as posies growin' in a dark suller send out +little pale shoots huntin' for the sunlight. And so I feel kinder soft +and meller towards the hull caboodle on 'em though I can't foller all +their beliefs. + +"For I, as a member of the M.E. meetin' house, call this great +beneficient over-rulin' Power that sot the world spinnin' on its +axletrees and holds it up, lest it dashes aginst the planets, and +directs the flight of the tiny bird fleeing before the snows; this +Mighty Force that controls us from the cradle to the grave, but which we +cannot see no more than we can see His servants, the cold and wind that +freezes us or the warmth and love that blesses us. This Power, that +whether we scoff or pray, holds us all in the hollow of His mighty hand, +I call God the Father, Son and Holy Guest, and believe it once took +mortal shape and dwelt with humanity to uplift and bless it. And that +love, that torture, crucifixion and death could not slay still yearns +over this sad old world, still as the comforting Guest makes its home in +human hearts that love and trust." + +Molly sot still with her pretty head leaning aginst me and I went on, +"In the story of His life and death, that volume that holds the wisdom +of the old and ripened glory of the new, that holy book sez, 'He that +dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under shadow +of the Almighty.' + +"What a place to abide in, Molly, the shadow of the All Loving, the All +Mighty one, a shadow that casts glowing light instead of darkness like +our earthly shadows, a pure white light in which, lookin' through the +eye-glass of faith we can read the meanin' of all the sorrows and +perplexities and troubles he permits us to endure, and find every word +on 'em gilt edged with glory. + +"Spiritualists, Christian Healers, etc., may name this what they will. +Disciples of the New Thought may call it the Silence, but I shall keep +right on callin' it the Secret Place of the Most High. And He who +inhabits that sacred place has promised that if you reverently and +obediently enter and dwell therein and trust in Him, He will give you +the desire of your heart. + +"So all you've got to do, Molly, is to do as he tells you to, obey and +trust Him jest as the child trusts his pa, and asks him for what he +wants most, you must ask Him for the desire of your heart, and if it is +best for you, dear, He will bring it to pass." + +"Do you think so?" sez she, brightenin' up more'n considerable. + +"No, I don't think so. I _know_ it." + +Well, them consolin' words, for thought is a _real thing_, and I jest +wropped her round with my tenderness and compassion, I guess they +comforted her some, 'tennyrate she promised me sweetly that she would +obey and trust, and I felt considerable better about her. + +I wuz sorry for her as sorry as I could be, but I had a strong feelin' +inside of my heart (mebby some wise, sweet angel whispered it to me) +that everything would come out right in the end, and Molly would git the +desire of her heart. + +She's belonged to the meetin' house for years. But sometimes members git +some shock that jars 'em and sends 'em out of the narrer road for quite +a spell and they git kinder lost gropin' through the dark shadders of +earthly disappointment and sorrow. Nothin' but the light that streams +down from above can pierce them glooms, and I knowed by the sweet light +that lit up Molly's linement that her face wuz turned in the right +direction and she wouldn't look sideways, behind or before, but would +seek for light and help from above. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +Well, for the next week we had a busy time, goin' to the Fair most every +day, sometimes all together, but not stayin' together long, for most +always we'd meet Professor Todd somewhere and he and Blandina would pair +off together (I jest as willin' as anybody ever wuz). + +Molly had a young schoolmate who lived in St. Louis, and sometimes they +would spend the day together at some reception or other. But most of the +time Josiah and I paid our two attentions to the Fair stiddy, a +travelin' about and seein' all we could. + +And one mornin' Josiah asked me before breakfast, jest as cool as if he +wuz proposin' a glass of lemonade with ice in it, if I didn't want to go +to Jerusalem that mornin'. + +Jerusalem! City of our Lord! Oh, my soul, think on't! As he said the +words I looked at him and then some distance through him and beyond, and +entirely onbeknown to myself I begun to hum over that old him: + +"Jerusalem the golden, with milk and honey blest, +Beneath thy contemplation sink heart and soul oppressed. +We know not, oh, we know not what joys await us there." + +And Josiah broke in and sung the last line with me (or what he called +singin'). + +"What radiancy of glory, what bliss beyond compare." + +But I knowed that singin' that time of day would be apt to draw +attention, specially as Josiah's singin' wuz very base and my sulferino +hain't what it wuz, and I hastened to say: + +"Yes, Josiah, I want to go." + +Breakfast wuz kinder late that mornin', and little Dorothy come into my +room, she slep' jest acrost from us, and she begun to tell me to once +about a meetin' she'd been to the night before with Aunt Pheeny. And to +make talk with her I asked her what the text wuz, and she sez: + +"Jesus the quilt." + +Josiah wuz horrified, and it did sound bad, and he begun to reprimand +her sharp, but I sez: + +"Tell me all about it, Dotie." + +And come to find out, it wuz "Jesus the Comforter," and her little +bedspread wuz sometimes called a quilt and sometimes a comforter. And I +told Josiah how necessary it wuz not to condemn children before +searching into their motives. But Dotie wuz evidently thinkin' about the +sermon she had hearn so lately, and she went on to ask, "Was Jesus a +Jew?" + +And I sez, "Yes, dear." + +"Why," sez she, "I always thought Dod wuz a Presbyterium." + +That wuz her Aunty Huff's persuasion, which she nachully thought +couldn't be improved on. + +Dotie had a little straw hat on that time o' day and I asked her what it +wuz for, and she sez, "Oh, I carry my papers in it, I'm writin' a book." + +Grandpa Huff always carried papers in his hat, and she copied him. I +asked her what her book wuz about, and how she wuz gittin' on with it +and she said: + +"It wuz about a lady, a buggler and a ghost, and I've killed 'em all and +that's as fur as I've got." + +Killin' a ghost! a burglar and a heroine, I thought what a noble start +for a sensational novel. + +But the breakfast bell rung jest then, and I took the little warm hand +in mine and led her down to breakfast. + +Well, after breakfast Josiah and I sot out in good season for Jerusalem. + +Molly wanted to go to the British Building to see a school friend of +hern that she thought might be there, and Blandina offered to accompany +her. They wuz goin' to stop at a number of places on the way, and we +agreed to meet at noon sharp at the English Building. + +We went into the walled city of Jerusalem by the Jaffa Gate, through a +tall arched entrance in the stun wall. Within wuz lots of carriages and +horses and camels and donkeys and men, wimmen and children, some in +strange and startlin' costooms, but the first thing Josiah spoke on wuz +the name of a restaurant, "A Fast," it wuz over a door clost by. + +"A fast," sez he, "that don't look very encouragin' in a eatin' house. +If it wuz Brek Fast it would look more hopeful." + +"You've had your breakfast, Josiah, and a good one. Don't be thinkin' of +vittles so much in such a place as this." + +"I shall think of what I'm a minter, and you can't break it up, mom!" + +Truly he spoke the truth; I could cling to his arm, drink out of the +same cup, set in the same chair, lay my head on the same piller, and +yet, he might be millions of milds from me in sperit, 'round with other +wimmen for all I knew. Queer, hain't it? + +Yes, he wuz thinkin' of food right here in this Holy City. As for me, a +perfect troop of lofty emotions wuz sweepin' through my mind, as I +looked 'round me on the very same seen our Lord had looked at. Low +old-fashioned stun housen such as He might have entered in, men and +wimmen clad in long robes such as He wore. + +And to think of seein' the Via Dolorosa, the Way of Sorrows, that He +walked, carryin' the agony of humanity, and the pityin' compassion of +divinity. + +And the Nine Stations of the Cross where our Lord stopped to rest on +that bitter journey, toiling up the steep hill carrying up the heavy +cross and the woes and sins of the world, awful! beautiful Calvary! +sacred, heart-breaking, holy place. How my soul burnt within me thinkin' +of all this as I stood in the Holy City. + +And there wuz the Tower of David, the Shepherd king. I always liked +David, though I could advised him for his good in lots of things. He +didn't do right by Ury, and he ortn't to had so many wives, if he'd +scrimped himself a little in 'em, mebby his son, Solomon, wouldn't had +so many, and one is enough, as I told Josiah. + +"Yes," sez he with intense conviction in his tone. "One wife is enough +for any man, heaven knows, and anybody that hankers after more than one +is a fool!" + +I didn't really like his axent; he'd been layin' it up, I guess what I +said about vittles, but I didn't mind it. + +And we went through the different quarters of the city. The little +stores and bazars by the side of the street wuz full of real nice things +to sell, rich Eastern woven goods, embroideries, cushions, curtains, +rugs, lamps, jewels, ornaments, trinkets of all kinds, etc., etc. There +is more than a hundred of these little booths and stores in Jerusalem, +and all full of handsome things. I loved to look at 'em, though Josiah +tried to draw me away. + +Sez he, "You don't want to buy here; you can do as well agin in +Jonesville tradin' off your butter and eggs, and probable git a chromo +throwed in." + +I didn't argy, but I bought a string of beads for Tirzah Ann and a pipe +for Thomas J., the wood of which growed on the Mount of Olives, so the +man said. + +I told Josiah they would prize 'em high havin' come from Jerusalem. + +And he said, "They never see Jerusalem," he said they wuz growed over in +New Jersey, and when I asked him how he knew, he said he re_cog_nized +the berries and the grain of the wood. + +But he couldn't no such thing, and I presoom the man told considerable +truth. And we see Rabbis, Turkish cavalry, common people livin' in the +queer little housen jest as they did in Jerusalem, and the priests goin' +through their religious ceremonies jest the same. And we went through +the Citadel and the different public buildin's. + +There wuz lots of wimmen and girls on the streets, some on 'em sellin' +posies for charity, I bought two little bunches, one on 'em I put in +Josiah's buttonhole, though he objected and said it would probable make +talk for a man of his age and dignity to be trimmed with flowers. + +They wuz real pretty girls, with white veils on over their dark hair, +their lustrous eyes lookin' out at us as they might have looked at the +Postles. + +And there wuz cunnin' little donkeys that anybody could ride if they +wanted to, and camels with gorgeous trappings kneelin' down ready for +folks to mount and be carried 'round the streets. Josiah stood ready to +pay the ten cents apiece to give us the pleasure of a ride. + +But I declined the treat. I sez, "We don't ride the old mair hoss back +to home, and I don't hanker after bein' histed up onto a camel's hump, +or to see you in that perilous poster." + +He said he'd love to tell the bretheren we'd rid 'em, but seein' I wuz +sot agin it he gin up. + +The streets smell bad and are so narrer I don't see how they would +manage if two buggies met; one would have to back out, they couldn't git +by each other. + +The old Roman barracks are bare and dreary lookin', but dretful +interestin' to me for there our Lord stood to be judged by Caesar like a +lamb before the shearer, and he said, "I wash my hands of this matter, I +find no fault in this man." + +I wish Caesar had had more gumption. His wife could see furder ahead +than he could. But that is often the case, as I tell Josiah. + +And we went through St. John's Hospice, and the Mosque of Omar. That is +a monstrous big building with a great round dome on top, two broad +flights of steps lead up into it, we clumb the nighest one and went +inside. The high dome is lined with colored mosaic, and looks +first-rate, but I didn't pay much attention to that for right underneath +the centre is an exact reproduction of the rock where Abraham offered up +Isaac, or got ready to. How Love and Duty tugged at Abraham's heart and +most tore it into as he stood there, and what faith he had. It is +heart-breakin' to think on't, though it all come out right in the end, +as the hardest things will if we cling to Duty. + +But Josiah wuz gittin' worrisome and wanted to go, but I sez, "Josiah, I +must see Solomon's Temple." + +It wuz quite a few steps away, but I didn't begrech the time or journey, +and jest as we wuz goin' up the steps, who should we meet comin' out but +Jane Olive Perkins (_nay_ Gowdey) once a Jonesvillian, but now livin' in +Chicago, but visitin' her old home and relation quite often. + +She wuz dressed beautiful, her neck and bosom sparklin' with diamonds. I +don't approve of such dressin' in the street, but Jane Olive wuz always +showy. + +She held out both hands in joyful greetin' (the meanin' of which I +mistrusted afterwards). We talked about the splendor of the Fair and our +own two healths, and the Jonesvillians, and then she sez: + +"I am so delighted to meet you, Josiah Allen's wife, for I know you will +want to give to a noble cause I am workin' for, you and dear Mr. Allen. +It is a cause that ort to be first in every feelin' heart, and I knew +you'd give liberal." + +I'd forgot my portmoney that mornin' and didn't want right there in +Solomon's Temple to dicker with Josiah for money, I knowed it would make +him fraxious. And I wuz havin' such a lot of lofty emotions there at +Jerusalem, I didn't want to bring 'em down by havin' words with my +pardner. And I knowed too that "dear Mr. Allen" would be apt to say hash +things that would bring him down in Jane Olive's estimation, he's so +clost and he never liked her to begin with. + +So I said I couldn't very well stop and tend to it right there in +Solomon's Temple, and she asked me for my address and told me she should +come and see me. She wuz stayin' at a big tarven not so very fur from +Miss Huff's, and said she'd brought her orto and shuffler with her from +Chicago. + +Well, she bid us a tender adoo, sayin' the last thing "_owe Revwah_," or +sunthin' like that and Josiah sez to me: + +"Who's she twittin' us on? I don't owe nobody by that name, nor never +did, not a cent, I'm a man that pays my debts." + +And I sez, "Dear Josiah, nobody that knows you can dispute it." + +Jane Olive kinder smiled and passed on, and I'dno but in Fancy I and the +public may as well set down on the steps of Solomon's Temple, and I'll +tell about who Jane Olive Perkins wuz. She wuz Jane Olive Gowdey, and +married Samuel Perkins, old Eliphilet Perkinses second boy, and folks +thought she done mizable when she married him. Sam hadn't been put to +work much bein' sort o' weakly so his folks thought, he looked kinder +peaked. + +But I spoze Sam enjoyed pretty good health all the time onbeknown to his +folks and wuz kinder savin' up his strength, layin' it up as you may say +for the time o' need, so he had it all when he wuz married. A master +hand he wuz to save things and make 'em count. For all he never did any +work to speak on, he had more proppity laid up than any of the Perkins +boys when he wuz married, he had saved so and sort o' speculated and +laid up. + +He wuz kinder mean too, runnin' after wimmen at that time, though +onbeknown to Jane Olive or his folks, but it come out afterwards, he wuz +awful sly. When he married Jane Olive Gowdey that wuz a surprise too, +for Bill, the oldest boy, wanted her the worst way and everybody spozed +they wuz engaged. A good creeter Bill wuz, virtuous as Joseph, or any of +the old Bible Patriarchs, and virtuouser than lots of 'em. + +But Sam, in jest that way of hisen, laid low and sort o' did the best he +could with what he had to do with, sort o' speculated and increased her +likin' for him on the sly (mean fellers will git ahead of good ones five +times out of ten, wimmen are so queer). And lo and behold! the first +Jonesville knew they up and got married. + +They moved to a big city where Sam got a chance to travel for a grocery +store, and Jane Olive opened a inteligence office, where for an ample +consideration she furnished incompetent help to distracted housekeepers, +receivin' pay from both victims, and they laid up money fast. Then he +went into pork and first we knew Sam wuz a very rich man, lived in great +style, kep' his carriage, but wuz awful mean, so we heard, hadn't no +morals at all to speak on so fur as wimmen wuz concerned, and we had +hearn that Jane Olive not bein' over and above happy in marriage, and +forgittin' to all appearance she had ever dickered with mistress and +maid, wuz tryin' her best to work her way in among the aristockracy, she +wuz dretful ambitious and so wuz Sam, they wanted to go with the first. + +She did everything she could to foller their example, she dressed up in +satin and diamonds and trailed 'round to theatres and operas and hung +over dry goods counters, and kep' her maid and coachman and butler, or +that's what folks say, I don't even know what a butler is expected to +do, or Josiah don't. "Butler," sez I when I hearn on't, "I can't imagine +what a butler duz." + +And Josiah sez, "A coachman is to coach, and a waiter is to wait, and a +butler must be to buttle." + +Sez I, "Buttle what? Or who? Or when?" But he couldn't tell. Well, Sam +he did everything to git into the first and be fashionable, he embezzled +a lot, broke down two or three times with enormous profit to himself, +spent his money like water, wuz jest as mean as he could be, went over +to Europe now and then, did everything he could do to be fashionable and +act like a man of the world, and finally he led astray a little girl +that lived with 'em, a motherless little girl they had took, pretty as a +pink too, and affectionate dispositioned. Jane Olive turned her +outdoors, of course, when she found it out. It wuz in the fall of the +year, and the night before Christmas the girl with her baby in her arms +jumped into the river and wuz drownded. + +Her father had some spunk and took Sam up, but he wuz always sly and +looked ahead, and he proved that she wuz a day or two older than the age +of consent, and he got let off triumphant and her father had to pay the +cost, besides the funeral expenses, and grave stun. + +Such smartness riz Sam up considerable amongst his mates and he wuz sent +to Congress most immegiately afterwards, and it wuz owin' to his +powerful arguments that the age of consent wuz lowered a year or two; I +believe he brought it down to about ten years. He wuz thought a sight on +by his genteel male friends, so they say, he worked so powerful for +their interest. He brought down the licenses on saloons and bad housen a +sight, and made almost Herculanean efforts to have saloons scattered +broadcast through the country without _any_ license to pay. I spoze +there never wuz a more popular statesman. He worked too hard though, and +had to retire to more private life to reap the fruits of his efforts. +And he kep' right on, so they say reapin' 'em ever since, cuttin' up and +actin', but always actin' jest inside the law and always cuttin' up the +same. + +He had the gift of gab and he made eloquent public speeches, tellin' +what boons saloons and kindred places wuz to the community. I spoze +there never wuz a more popular legislator. + +But, of course, such high honors cast dark shadders, and one night after +he'd made a powerful speech at the openin' of a saloon he owned, a old +one made over into gorgeous beauty, he got a good hoss whippin', and by +some wimmen too. + +Perkins had made a great speech himself and wantin' to show off to the +world that it wuz real respectable (they had this saloon kinder graded +off, weaker drinks in one place leadin' up gradual to brandy and +whiskey), he got a minister, a well-meanin' man, so I hearn, who made a +prayer and then they all sung the Doxology: + +Praise God from whom all blessings flow-- + +Askin' God to bless what He'd cursed. What must God thought on't! For He +and they well knew all the sin and pain, poverty and crime that flowed +out of saloons, the ontold losses and danger to community, the +brutality, fights, murders, crimes of all kinds. + +Praise Him all creatures here below-- + +When that minister knowed the stuff he wuz dedicatin' rendered all +creeters here below, no matter how smart they wuz nachully, incapable of +tellin' whether they wuz on their head or their heels, blessin' or +cussin'. When a man is drunk as a fool how can he praise anything? It is +all he can do to navigate his own legs within' and weavin' along under +him, ready to crumple down any minute into the gutter. He'd look well +tryin' to sing gospel hims when he can't tell what his own name is, or +speak it if he could. + +Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts + +Why, I don't see how they dasted to sing that when they knowed that the +Heavenly Host couldn't have flowed through such places without bein' +liable to git their feathers pulled out in some of the drinkin' carouses +held there. As liable agin for their pure eyes must be dimmed with +tears, tears for the eighty thousand victims turned out yearly from +these resorts. Innocent youth changed to reckless wickedness, noble +manhood turned to brutes falling from honorable places in society down +into drunkards' loathsome lives, drunkards' dishonored graves. + +How could these pityin' sperits help weepin' over it? And the long, +agonized procession follerin' on--pale, wretched mothers, once happy +wives, now hungry, broken-hearted wrecks, with pinched, starved children +clingin' to their ragged skirts. The idee of askin' this pure heavenly +Host to praise God for what brought all this to pass! + +Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. + +Why, I believe that Satan himself, though he loved to see the work go +on, would be ashamed to sing the Doxology there. I don't believe you'd +ketch him at it, for he is so smart he would see in a minute how it +would look to praise God for such a place as that when he had said +plain: + +"Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor's lips." + +And Satan knowed jest as well as Josiah and I and the world did, that +saloons wuz made a purpose for this. + +"And no drunkard hath eternal life." And that minister wuz ordained to +help people attain that life, not to help 'em lose it. + +I don't see what he wuz thinkin' on. Of course, the top of the long +slippery descent to ruin is quite cheerful lookin', lit up with false +lights, hollow mirth, false hopes and dreams lurin' the victims on and +down. But he knowed how slippery it wuz, how impossible it wuz for +ordinary men to stand up when they got to slidin' down. He knew that +nothin' but God's grace wuz strong enough to reach down and haul 'em up +agin to level ground. + +A few men are so strong-footed they can grip on and stay 'round the top +for some time, and I presoom this minister, bein' a good-natered man +would been glad to had 'em all hung on there, but he must have knowed +they wouldn't and couldn't. He'd seen 'em leggo thousands and thousands +every year, he knowed what made 'em fall. And he might jest as well made +a prayer and sung a hymn over a murderer's knife, because he wanted it +to cut bread but knowed it would and did murder, as to done this. + +For no matter what he wanted he knowed intemperance is evil and only +evil. And pattin' a pizen viper and callin' it "angel" and singin' the +Doxology over it hain't goin' to change its nater, its nater is to +sting, and its bite is death. + +And the God they dasted to invoke said of the drink the place wuz made +to sell, "It biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder," and the +end thereof is death. + +I don't know what that good man could be thinkin' on to dast. But then +as long as our Government opholds it, I spoze he thought he might. + +But I wish I'd been there to told him how it wuz goin' to look to me and +Josiah and the world, and what slurs wuz goin' to be cast onto the +sacred cause of religion by it. + +I couldn't tell him what harm it wuz goin' to do; no, eternity is none +too soon to count that up. Awful waves of influence sweepin' +along--sweepin' along clear from to-day to the Day of Judgment; I can't +bear to think on't; I'm kinder sorry for him, and am glad enough it +hain't my Josiah that has got that ahead on him. I wish he'd ondo now +what he's done as fur as he can, he'd feel better, I believe, I know +that I and the meetin' house would and Josiah. + +But, 'tennyrate, no matter how Satan wuz laughin' and sneerin' and +angels bendin' down from the gold bars of Heaven lookin' through their +pityin' tears hopin' it must be a mistake, not believin' it possible +that them prayers and hims could come from a man-killin' saloon. And +coverin' their eyes with their droopin' wings when they found it wuz +so--they sung it through and the minister, for he wuz a stiddy man, went +home in good season. And Perkins also started home walkin' afoot, it wuz +so little ways. + +And as I said, some wimmen sot on him and hoss-whipped him. Some of +these wimmen's husbands had been ruined and killed by the Poor Man's +Club. And there wuz some mothers whose little boys of seven and eight +had been coaxed with brandy-soaked candy into another saloon Perkins +owned. For this saloonkeeper had boasted, Perkins backin' him, that +money spent enticin' the young and innocent to drink, whilst they wuz +easily influenced, wuz money well spent. + +For of course, as good calculators, they had to in the interest of their +profession provide new recruits to take the place in the staggerin' +ranks of the hundred thousand they annually killed off. And this +saloonkeeper, helped on by Perkins, had the name of the most active boy +and girl ruiner among the thousands in the city, though they all did a +flourishin' bizness. + +Two or three of Perkins' saloons made a specialty of sellin' drink to +girls, and their mothers who lay their heads on their pillows at night +and found 'em like thorns and fire under their heads, thinkin' of the +pretty warm-hearted girls who had to be away from mother's care to earn +their livin', out to service and in manufactories and elsewhere. And +some rich mothers, whose girls wuz away to school---- + +These mothers thinkin' what a weak thing a girl's will wuz when drink +had drownded out the small self-control they had, and youthful passion +and temptation urgin' 'em on, and the company Perkins nachully drawed +'round him. + +These mothers whose boys and girls wuz like pieces of their own hearts, +and these wives in the grief made recklessness of despair, made a hash +vow that they would break up Perkinses saloons or die in the attempt, so +they sot on him that night and gin him good drubbin'. + +But they couldn't do much, for the police, of course, horrified by their +onparalelled and onprovoked crime, hustled the wimmen off to jail, and +escorted Perkins home with honor. But to resoom backwards. + +I will git up (in fancy) from the steps of Solomon's Temple and go on +in. + +This is a complete copy of the magnificent temple built by Solomon, the +wisest man in the world. Though like all wise men he had his foolish +streaks, seven hundred wives is too many for one man to git along with, +I should told him so if I had lived neighbor to him. I'd say: + +"Mr. Solomon, if you have the name of knowin' so much show your +smartness by gittin' rid of six hundred and niney-nine on 'em; keep jest +one, pick her out, take your choice, but discharge the rest. Set 'em up +in dressmakin' or millionary or sunthin' to git a livin' by, and settle +down peaceable with one." Mebby he'd hearn to me and mebby not, men are +so sot in their way. + +But to resoom. Here we stood in that splendid temple which was the +wonder of the world, and see the tabernacle the old Hebrews carried with +'em through the parted waves of the Red Sea and their journeyin's +through the wilderness for forty years, led by the pillow of fire. + +What feelin's I had as I looked on it and meditated, what riz up +feelin's them old four fathers that carried it must have had, and them +that follered on, led as they wuz by heavenly light, fed by heavenly +food. How could they acted as they did, rambelous often and often, +wanderin' from the right road, but still not gittin' away from the +Divine care. + +And there wuz a picture forty feet long, as long as our barn, showing +the old Hebrews encamped before Mount Sinai, where Moses received the +Law that rules the world to-day (more or less). Heaven drawin' so nigh +to earth that hour that its light fallin' on Moseses face made it too +glorious for mortal eyes to look on. + +And I'dno but one of them mountains we see wuz where Moses stood after +his forty years journey, castin' wishful eyes onto the Promised Land, +not bein' able to enter in because of some past error and ignorance. And +I thought, as I stood there, how many happy restin' places we plan and +toil for and then can't enter in and possess through some past error and +mistake caused by ignorance as dense as Moseses ignorance. What a lot of +emotions I had thinkin' this, and how on top of another mount the great +prophet and law-giver wuz not, for God took him. + +I wuz lost and by the side of myself, but Josiah's voice reached me up +in the realm of Reverie and brought me back. + +"What ails you, Samantha? Do you lay out to stand here all day?" And I +tore myself away. + +Well, there wuz movin' pictures describin' the Holy Land and we see 'em +move, and dissolvin' views of the same and we see 'em dissolve, and at +last Josiah got so worrisome I had to go on with him. We laid out to +stop to Japan and France, they bein' right on our way, and I sez, "We +might as well stop at Morrocco." For as I told Josiah, while we wuz +travelin' through foreign countries we might as well see what we could +of the people, their looks and habits. + +But he sez to once, "You don't want to buy any Morrocco shues, Samantha, +they don't wear nigh so well as calf-skin and cost as much agin." And +sez he, "We won't have more than time to go through Japan and France and +do justice to 'em." So we went on. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +The Japan exhibit is on a beautiful hill south of Machinery Palace. +There are seven large buildin's besides the small pagodas and all filled +with objects of interest. It seems as if the hull kingdom of Japan must +have taken hold to make this display what it is. And how they could do +it with a big war goin' on in their midst is a wonder, and shows beyend +words what wonderful people the Japans are. + +There are two kinds of exhibits, one by the allied business interests or +Government and the other by individuals. But they all seem to work in +harmony, havin' but one idee, to show off Japan and her resources to the +best advantage, and the display wuz wonderful, from a royal pavilion, +rich in the most exquisite and ornate decorations down to a small bit of +carving that mebby represented the life long labor of some onknown +workman. + +In the Transportation Buildin' is a map one hundred feet long, showing +the transportation facilities of the Empire, a perfect network of +railways and telegraph and telephone wires, showin' they have other ways +of gettin' 'round there besides man-carts and jinrikshas, yes, indeed! +it is a wonder what they have done in that direction in fifty years. + +The postal exhibit shows they delivered eight hundred and sixteen +million pieces of mail last year, and every post-office has a bank, the +school children have deposited in them eleven millions. I wish our +country would do as well. The exhibit of the steamships show jest as +much enterprise, and how world-wide is their commerce. The saloon of one +of the steamships is a dream of beauty and luxury. + +The Temple of Nikko is ornamented by wonderful carving in catalpa, +chrysantheums, etc., and in it in glass cases are the most beautiful +specimens of their embroidery, tapestry, pottery. One pair of vases are +worth ten thousand dollars. As you leave this Temple you see on each +side the finest specimens of Japanese art, painted and embroidered +screens, all kinds of metal, laquear and ivory work; exquisite vases and +priceless old delft wear, and there is a model Japanese house, you feel +that you'd love to live in it. There is one spring room in it that holds +the very atmosphere of spring. The tapestry and crape hangings are +embroidered with cherry blossoms, its one picture is a sweet spring +landscape. Low green stools take the place of stuffy chairs and sofas. +And there wuz an autumn room, autumn leaves of rich colors wuz woven in +the matting and embroidered in the hangings, the screens and walls white +with yellow chrysantheums. + +Then there wuz a gorgeous Japan room with walls of exquisitely carved +laquear wood, massive gilt furniture, rich embroidered silk hangings, +and the ceiling wuz a beautifully carved flowery heaven with angels +flying about amidst the flowers. This one room cost forty-five thousand +dollars. + +And we see lovely embroidered cloths, porcelain, shrines, urns, +cabinets, chairs all wrought in the highest art, silks of every +description, and sights and sights of it. Fans, parasols, lanterns, +fireworks of all kinds, mattings, straw goods, cameras, etc., etc. + +In the mining display is a model of one of their copper mines, and you +see they have the largest furnace in the world, and they not only mine +on land but under the sea, it beats all how them Japanese do go ahead. +There are tall gold and silver bars showing how much they have mined in +these metals. + +Their educational exhibit shows the same wonderful energy and +advancement. There is a compulsory educational law and twenty-two per +cent. of the children attend school. There are schools for the blind, +deaf and feeble-minded, and a display of all their excellent methods of +education, from kindergarten to the imperial university. + +In the Palace of Electricity on a map thirty feet high and twenty-five +feet wide, you see pictures of Japan's great engineering work, Lake Biwa +Canal, connecting the Lake with Kioto. Irrigating, electricity making, +electrical apparatus invented by them, they have nearly twenty-five +thousand telephones, long and short distance. + +In the tea exhibit you see everything relating to this beverage, tea +houses, experimental farms and over one hundred different kinds of tea +are shown. Rice is shown in every stage of its growth, tobacco, fruit, +canned goods. + +You can enter the Forestry and Fish departments through a temple built +of twenty different kinds of wood. Here you see all the native forest +woods, bamboo takin' the lead. Their fish and their methods of fishing +are shown off, charts of their fishing grounds and boats. The Japanese +section of the Palace of Fine Arts has the best samples of sculpture, +painting and pottery. + +But the crownin' beauty of the Japanese display is the Enchanted Garden +(well-named). A charmin' little lake lies in the midst of flower beds +and hedges, dotted by aquatic flowers. Beds of hydrangeas and +chrysantheums and other bright flowers glow in the sunlight. A pretty +summer house stands on a little island and bending over the water are +dwarf pine trees brought from Japan. At one end is a waterfall, and +there is a pleasant tea house where pretty Japan girls serve tea on the +broad galleries. + +Beyend the lake you see a model Japanese house and not fur off is the +headquarters of the Japanese commission. Near the top of the hill is a +large pavilion made of wood and bamboo. It is used as a reception room, +and here you see Japanese costooms from the earliest day to the present. +Here are pictures of the Emperor and Empress. There is a display here +also of the Red Cross society, medical boxes of army and navy, etc. This +is the only hint this courteous country gives of the great war going on +at home that would stop the exhibit of most any other country. They are +a wonderful people and are making swift strides to the front in every +direction. I took sights of comfort here and so did Josiah. + +I said a big war would stop the exhibit of most every country--it has +stopped Russia--she don't have much show here to the Fair, they wanted +to, and laid out to, but couldn't on account of havin' to go to war. It +is dretful busy this year, killin' off men, and sendin' out men all the +time to be killed, so of course, it can't devour the same time in more +peaceful occupations. + +I wuz really sorry, for I always liked the Zar. Of course, we don't +visit back and forth, he havin' the misfortune to not live neighbor to +us. But I always thought he wuz likely, real smart and good-natered, +lovin' his wife and babies devotedly, settin' a splendid example in this +direction to other high potentates who act and behave more or less. + +And his Peace Proclamation, like a tall white monument riz up for men +and angels to admire. How its pure luminous light lit up this dark earth +and streamed clear up to heaven, the blessed influence it shed abroad +wuz so beneficient and divine. How much I and the hull world thought +on't. + +And here it is all broke to smash, for of course, it wuz right in his +way and he had to tromple on over it, he and the squadrons he called to +war. + +I don't know exactly the right or wrong on't, it is hard sometimes to +keep track of ethics in a Jonesville quarrel, and when two big Empires +git to cuttin' up and actin' and sassin', and dastin' each other to do +thus and so, I can't be expected to know all the ins and outs of their +dispute. + +But I do know this, that the beautiful Peace Monument is smashed all to +pieces under the feet of the thousands and thousands of men sent out to +murder and be murdered, and it is doubtful to me if the Zar can ever +contoggle it up agin to be as strong as it wuz before. You know he will +nachully git his muscles and will and temper kinder stiff jinted leadin' +the armies and gittin' so awful mad. + +But, there they be, these two great nations, Japan and Russia, sendin' +out their peaceable and well-behaved sons by the thousands and hundreds +of thousands to cut each other to-pieces, shoot, maim and murder each +other, for that is what war is, it is on purpose to kill men, the +greatest crime in the civil calendar. + +As I told Josiah one night to Miss Huff's, as I laid down a paper givin' +the details of a bloody battle which wuz headed "A Great Victory." + +Victory! the idee! hundreds of men borne bleeding from the field +suffering tortures worse than death and every pang they felt twice +suffered by them that loved 'em, watching and waiting at home in +agonized suspense, hundreds more layin' with their white, dead faces +upturned to heaven as if in mute appeal and wonder that such a horror as +war could be in a world where the words of the gentle Christ had been +hearn. + +Sez I, "I can't understand it, Josiah, John Jones gits mad and kills one +man, a small boneded man too, and weakly, couldn't live long anyway, and +John had been abused by him shameful and wuz dretful mad at him. A +horrified state law clutches John Jones and kills him. Public Opinion +sez good enough for John, it will keep other murderous-minded men at bay +mebby. + +"But I always loved justice, and if a king gits mad and kills or causes +to be killed hundreds of thousands of men I can't see why he if +successful should be admired for it, have a monument riz up to show +forth his nobility and school boys be taught to emulate his greatness." + +Josiah said, "That wuz different, a war between nations wuz planned +ahead, it wuzn't murder." + +"But," sez I, "if John Jones had planned killin' his man he would git +hung the sooner." + +"Well," sez Josiah, "great national quarrels has to be settled some way. +Nations wouldn't go to war unless they wuz aggravated." + +Sez I, "John Jones wuz aggravated. Murders hain't generally planned or +committed in class meetin's, and love feasts." + +"Well," sez Josiah, scratchin' his head, "it is different." + +But I sez, "How different, Josiah, they are both murders." + +Sez Josiah, "I guess I'll go down to Grandpa Huff's room and borry the +World." But I kep' thinkin' on't after he left about war and what it +wuz. Rivers of human blood flowin' through ruined countries, follered by +the horrible specters of pestilence, disease and famine, moral and +financial ruin. Acres and acres of graves filled with forms once full of +throbbing life and hope and dreams of future happiness, cut down like +grass before the mower. Wives, mothers, sisters, sweethearts see the sun +of their life's joy go down in blackness, their heaven of love and +happiness changed into a hell of misery by somebody's quarrel, +somebody's greed and ambition. How many of the common soldiers who make +up the great body of the army know or care about the right or wrong of +their cause. They go into the fight like dumb-driven cattle, suffer and +die and make their loved ones die a hundred deaths jest because they are +hired to do it, hired to murder their fellow men, jest as you would hire +a man to cut down a grove of underbrush. They go out to this wholesale +slaughter to kill or be killed, to meet all the black awful influences +that foller the armies, go gayly to the sound of bugle and drum. + +It is the common people who bleed and die, it is the hearts of the +common people that are wrung; it is their wives and orphan children who +have to struggle along and strive and die, or live and suffer by this +cause. + +And who can tell the moral, physical and financial ruin, the sickenin' +and terrible effects of evil habits formed there, the sin and woe that +like a black cloud follers the army? The recordin' angel himself can't +do the sum till the day of judgment, not till then can he add up the +broad, ever-widenin' effects of evil and sorrow that follers a great war +and that shall go on and on till time shall be no more. + +Calm judicial eyes lookin' back at this problem from the happy days when +Peace and Love shall rule the world, from the era when Courts of +Arbitration will settle national differences, will look back on the +bloody godless warfare of to-day with more horrow than we do on the +oncivilized doin's of our savage ancestors. + +It is strange, hain't it, to think eighteen centuries of Christian +teaching hain't wiped the blood stains off the face of the earth, as it +would like to? Yes, indeed! our Lord's words are luminous with Charity, +Peace and Love. But the vengeful black clouds of war sweep up between +the nations and the Sermon on the Mount and hides its words so they +can't, or don't heed 'em. + +And I d'no what's goin' to be done. I guess them that don't believe in +war must keep on givin' in their testimony, keep peggin' away at Public +Opinion and constant droppin' will wear away stun. + +But to resoom backwards. We stayed so long in Japan that I couldn't +devote so much time to France as I wanted to, for they too had a fine +display. The most beautiful exhibit we saw was the reproduction of the +Grand Trienon, the favorite home of Napoleon, brought from all +appearances from Versailles with its famous garden and sot down here in +St. Louis. + +There is a big central pavilion and on each side wings, each terminating +in a pavilion joined by tall marble columns. The ruff is surrounded by a +balustrade ornamented by vases and beautiful statutes. The same +balustrade extends the hull length of the building below, five hundred +and thirty-four feet. + +And below it stretches the beautiful garden, terraces, lake, fountains, +statutes, rare flowers, shrubs and trees. Winding walks in which the +great Conqueror might have walked with his brain teemin' with ambitious +plans. I didn't want to leave the garden it was so beautiful, but time +wuz passin' and we went inside and went through room after room, each +one seemin'ly more beautiful than the one we had seen last. The +picture-room wuz specially beautiful filled as it is with treasures of +French art. And all the rooms wuz gorgeous with tapestries, elaborate +carving, sculpture, painting, the most exquisite decorations of all +kinds showing what a beauty and pleasure-loving race can gather about it +of beauty and grandeur if it sets out to. + +And France shows off well also in manufactures, electricity, machinery, +transportation, etc. All together this is the best exhibit she has ever +made, and she has reason to be proud on't. + +England makes a good show in products and processes in every Exposition +building. In the Palace of Varied Industries she gives a model of one of +her charming country houses, a model indeed of comfort and luxury. + +Her national pavilion is built of red brick and stone and is a +reproduction of the Orangery, a building two hundred years old. It wuz +Queen Ann's favorite home, and I didn't blame Ann a mite for lovin' it. +As I walked through the beautiful and stately rooms I thought I would +have loved to neighbor with Ann and spend some time with her. + +The gardens outside are so beautiful you don't want to leave 'em, shaded +avenues, terraces, flower beds, yew and box shrubs trained into shapes +of lions and big birds. Josiah wuz entranced here, and as he stood lost +in admiration of them green animals growin' right out of the ground, he +sez: + +"My first job in Jonesville is cut out, Samantha." + +As first chaperone I looked at him tenderly and sez, "Don't jar your +mind too much, Josiah, don't dwell on tuckerin' things." + +"But," sez he, pintin' to the green form of the lion growin' right out +of the ground, "do you see what a impressive and noble figger the old +mair is goin' to cut when Ury and I sculp her out of the pig-nose apple +tree? We can do it by odd jobs, and the apples hain't good for nothin' +anyway." + +But I sez, "You can't prune apple trees into figgers, Josiah, it takes +different trees, and that is too big anyway." + +"That's a woman's way of talkin'; I want her in heroic size, she's +worthy on't. I expect," he went on, "the road will be jest lined with +Jonesvillians, and we'l see 'em hangin' over the orchard fence lookin' +on and admirin' the beautiful statter, I think I can see her now, head +up, tail out, mane a flutterin'--you'll see, Samantha." + +"Oh, dear!" sez I, "I expect I will see more than I want to." + +But goin' on a little furder we see what put such vain and onpractical +idees out of his head. We wandered into a spot where there wuz +old-fashioned flowers, such as grow in the green meadows and hedges of +old England, and there wuz some old wimmen wrinkled and gray, poorly +clad, lookin' at them daisies and cow-slips and laughin' and cryin' over +'em. + +They wuz fur from the old home and the summer time of youth and love, a +half century of years and dreary wastes of sea and land lay between 'em, +but these cow-slip blows and daisies took them back to their youth and +the sunny fields they wandered in with the young lover whose eyes wuz as +blue as the English violets, while their own cheeks wuz as rosy as the +thorn flowers. + +When the hull world lay hid in a rosy mist, and they wuz the centre of +it, and life wuz new, and hope and happiness gilded the future, and the +Fairy land of America wuz beckonin' to 'em out of the rosy mist. + +Fifty years of dusty, smoky tenement life, hard work, child-birth, +rearing children, toil, disappointment, pain--where wuz they? They had +all gone. They wuz eighteen agin; they wuz pickin' the rosy blooms in +the dear home land, and love wuz whisperin' to 'em that they wuz sweeter +than the flowers. + +I took out my snowy handkerchief and almost cried myself, the tears just +run down my face, and Josiah blowed his nose on his bandanna, and I +believe furtively wiped his eyes. But men never love to betray such +sentimental emotion, and most immegiately he asked me in a gruff tone +for a fried cake, and I handed him one absently and as one who dreams, +and we went on and met the girls at the rondevoo appointed. + +I'd had my supper and wuz restin' in my room, Molly and Blandina had +gone for a walk accompanied by Billy Huff, and Josiah had gone down to +set with grandpa Huff a spell, when Aunt Tryphena come in and said a +lady wuz there to see me; I asked her who it wuz, and she said: + +"I don't know, but guess it is some 'big bug trash,' 'tennyrate she come +in a antymobile that stands to the door without hitchin'." + +I knowed in a minute it wuz Jane Olive Perkins and told her to bring her +up to my room. And she entered with more than her usual gushin' warmth +of manner, and told me the first thing that I grew better and younger +lookin' every year. + +But I kinder waved the idee off and told her, I didn't feel so young as +I did twenty or thirty years ago. + +I acted well. (But then I spoze I do look remarkable young for one of my +years, and I admired her good horse sense in seein' it so plain.) But +she looked real mauger, and I sez: + +"You look kinder beat out, Jane Olive, hain't you well?" + +Yes, she said she wuz well, but had so many cares that they wore on her. + +"Why," sez I, "you don't try to do your housework alone, do you?" + +No, she said she had ten servants. + +So I knowed she didn't have to do the heaviest of her work, but her face +looked dretful tired and disappinted and I knowed it wuz caused by her +efforts to git into fashionable society, for I'd hearn more about it +since I come here, Miss Huff knowed a woman that lived neighbor to her, +she said that in spite of all Sam Perkinses money and Jane Olive's +efforts she couldn't git so fur into the circle of the first as she +wanted to, though she had done everything a woman could do. + +Went off summers where the first went and winters too. When it wuz +fashionable to go to springs and seasides she went and ocean trips and +south and north, and when it wuz the fashion to go into the quiet +country she come to Jonesville. + +And now she wuz tryin' a new skeem to git into the first, she got up a +name for bein' very charitable. That took her in, or that is part way +in, for her money went jest as fur and wuz jest as welcome to heathens +and such as if it wuzn't made out of pork. It went jest as fur as the +money that wuz handed down from four fathers or even five or six fathers +who wuz small farmers and trappers in Manhattan years and years ago. Her +money went jest as fur as though it had descended onto her from the sale +of the mink skins and cabbages of the grandpas of the 400. + +Well, as I say, this did more than all her other efforts put together, +and took her inside furder, for givin' as much as she did they had to +invite her to set down on the same charitable boards where these genteel +females wuz settin'. And when a passel of wimmen are settin' down on one +board they have to be more sociable and agreeable like, than if they wuz +settin' round on different piles of lumber. + +So Jane Olive wuz highly tickled and gin money freely. And now I don't +want it understood that Jane Olive done every mite of this work and gin +every cent of money for the speech of people or to git on in fashionable +life. No, she wuz kinder good hearted and felt sorry for the afflicted. +Her motives wuz mebby about half and half, half goodness and half +ambition, and that is I spoze a little worse than the average, though +motives will git dretfully mixed up, evil is worse than Canada thistles +to git mixed with good wheat. + +When some good object rises up and our souls burn within us aginst wrong +and injustice and bigotry and such, we may think in our wropped moments +that our motives are all good. But most always some little onworthy +selfish motive will come sneakin' in by some back door of the heart and +wiggle its way along till it sets down right by the side of our highest +whitest motives and stays there onbeknown to us. It is a pity that it is +so, but human nater is human nater and we are all on us queer, queer as +dogs. Once in awhile you'll see some rare soul that seems as if all +onworthy motives have been driv out by the angels of divine Purity and +Endeavor, but they're scurce, scurce as hen's teeth. + +Jane Olive wuz highly tickled with her success, and then, as is the way +of human creeters, when she'd done well she wanted to do better. She +wanted to outdo the other females settin' on the boards with her, she +wanted her board to tip higher than theirn, so she took it into her head +to build a Home for Fallen Wimmen in that end of the city where she +lived. She said that there wuz sights and sights of wimmen that had +fallen round there, and sights that wuz fallin', and I spozed there wuz. +I spozed that anywhere that Sam Perkins lived there would be apt to be, +and she took the idee of buildin' a home for 'em, it wuz a first rate +thought, but in my opinion it didn't go fur enough, it didn't cover the +hull ground. + +Well, Jane Olive had gin of her own money ten thousand dollars and had +raised nine thousand more, twenty thousand would build it, and she wuz +collectin' round even in St. Louis when she met anybody she thought +would give; she knowed how the welfare of humanity, specially female +humanity, lay down on my heart, therefore she tackled me. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +She talked real eloquent about it, and kinder begun to shed tears. She's +a capital hand to git money, she could always cry when she wanted to +when she went to school, did it by holdin' her breath or sunthin'. + +And when I say that I don't want it understood that I believe she did +all her cryin' that way. No, I spoze she could draw on her imagination +and feelin's to that extent and git 'em so rousted up that she did +actually shed tears, wet tears jest like anybody, some of the time, and +some she made, so I spoze. + +Well, when she begun to cry I looked keen at her and sez, how much she +made me think of herself when we went to school together. And she +stopped sheddin' tears to once and acted more natural and went on to +tell about her skeem. She said female vice wuz stalkin' round fearful, +fallen wimmen appeared on the streets with shockin' frequency, sunthin' +must be done for these lost souls or their blood would be on our dress +skirts. + +She told me how much she'd gin to this object and how much ministers had +gin and how they wuz all goin' to preach sermons about these poor lost +wimmen and try to wake the public up to the fact of the enormity of +their sins and the burnin' need of such an institution. + +She talked powerful about it, and I sez: "Jane Olive, I've gin a good +deal of thought to this subject, and I think this house of yourn is a +good idee, but to my mind it don't cover the hull ground. Now I will +give five dollars for the Home for Fallen Wimmen and the other five for +the Home for Fallen Men." + +Sez she, and she screamed the words right out: "There hain't any such +institution in the hull city!" + +"Why, there must be!" sez I. "It hain't reasonable that there shouldn't +be. Why, if a man and a woman go along over a bridge together, and both +fall through, and are maimed and broke to pieces, they are carried to a +male and female hospital to be mended up. Or if they fall through a +sidewalk or anywhere else they have to both be doctored up and have the +same splints on and rubbed with the same anarky, etc." + +"That's very different," sez Jane Olive. + +"Why different?" sez I. "If they both fall morally their morals ort to +be mended up agin both on 'em. The woman ort to be carried to the Home +for Fallen Wimmen, the Home for Magdalenes, and the men to the Home for +Fallen Men, the Home for Mikels." + +"There hain't no such place!" sez Jane Olive agin decidedly. + +Sez I, "Did you ever inquire?" + +"No," sez she, "I wouldn't make a fool of myself by inquirin' for such a +thing as that, Home for Mikels! I don't know what you mean by that +anyway." + +"Why," sez I, "fallen men angels. You know Mikel wuz a angel once and he +fell." + +"Well, there is no such place," sez she, tossin' her head a little. + +"Well," sez I, "you ort to know, you're from the city and I hain't; but +I know that if there hain't such a place it's a wicked thing. Just look +at them poor fallen men that are walkin' the streets night after night, +poor creeters goin' right down to ruin and nobody trying to lead 'em up +agin to the way of safety and virtue--poor fallen, ruined men! I feel to +pity 'em." + +Sez Jane Olive, "Oh, shaw! they don't feel ruined, they're all right, +I'll resk them." + +"How do you know how they feel? Take a tender hearted, innocent man, +that some bad, designin' woman has led astray, led him on till she has +betrayed and ruined him, and he feels that the screen door of society is +shet aginst him----" + +"Oh, shaw!" sez Jane Olive agin. "The door of society hain't shet aginst +the man, it never is." + +"Then," sez I, "there is sunthin' wrong with the door and it ort to be +tended to." + +Sez she, "Things are winked at in a bad man that hain't in a bad woman." + +"Not by me," sez I firmly. "The man won't git a wink out of me more or +less than I would give to the woman." + +"It don't hurt a man," sez Jane Olive. "And," sez she, "no self +respectin' man goes to any place that hain't licensed and respectable." + +"If such houses are respectable," sez I, "and the law makes 'em so, why +hain't the wimmen called so that keep 'em? Why hain't the wimmen looked +up to that work there?" + +Sez Jane Olive, "You don't talk no good sense at all." + +Sez I, "Jane Olive, I am spozin'. Mark you well, I don't say they are +respectable; I say they are the depths of infamy. But I am talkin' from +the standpoint of legislators and highest officials, and if they call +'em respectable, and throw the mantilly of law and order over 'em it is +only justice to let the mantilly spread out, so it will cover the males +and females too. Agin I quote the words of the poet to you, 'what is +sass for the goose ort to be sass for the gander.'" + +Says she, "Such things are looked on so different in a man, they can +hold their heads up jest as high as they did before." + +"Not if I had my way," sez I. "If the female is dragged off to the Home +for Fallen Wimmen let the same team come back and haul the men off to +the Home for Fallen Men, tie 'em up with the same rope, preach to 'em +from the same text, let 'em out when they've both repented and want to +do better. That's my scheme," sez I. + +"Oh, shaw!" sez Jane Olive, "it wouldn't work." + +"Why not?" sez I. "I'll bet if that course wuz took for the next five +years with fallen men you wouldn't have to raise so much money for +fallen wimmen; I'll bet it would ameliorate their condition more than +anything else would." + +"It don't hurt a man," sez Jane Olive agin. + +"Why don't it hurt 'em?" sez I. "If it makes a woman so bad the hull +world calls her ruined and lost, and prints her name out in the daily +papers, as they always do, givin' her full name and address and sayin' +some wild young man (but nameless) of respectable family was implicated, +and talks of her as if Heaven wuz shet aginst her, and she has got to +pray and repent in sack-cloth and ashes all the rest of her days, and +never, never git her old place back in the eyes of the community, it +hain't reasonable to spoze it don't hurt a man a mite to fall at the +same time and in the same way. There is no sense in it, and I'll bet if +you hunt round in your city you'll find where fallen men are kep' hid +away till they can repent and reform. + +"Why," sez I, "men's hearts and souls and morals are made out of exactly +the same stuff that wimmens be. And as I said before, let a man and a +woman fall out of a high winder together it smashes him jest as bad as +it duz her. They have to be carried off to hospitals jest the same, the +same doctor tends 'em, the same medicine has to be administered to 'em +and they have to come back slowly to health agin. It takes the same +length of time to lose the marks of the woonds and bruises, and they +have to hobble round on the same kind of crutches. And why under the +sun, moon and stars there is any difference in the woonds on their souls +and morals I can't see, nor I don't believe you can." + +Agin she snorted and acted real high headed, and sez she, "There hain't +no such a Home as that you're talkin' about, and never wuz." + +"Well," sez I, "then it is high time there wuz." And I went on real +eloquent, "Poor fallen men have been neglected too long and their ruin +will lay on our doorsteps if we don't do sunthin' to help 'em; I won't +give a cent to help fallen wimmen, who have had ten times as much +preachin' to 'em and as much done for 'em, till justice has been done to +fallen men. Poor mizable creeters! They'll find out they've got one +friend that will stand by 'em if they've never had a mite of pity or +help or encouragement held out to 'em before in the world. It is high +time sunthin' wuz done for 'em; and when you who live right in the midst +of fallen men come here and say you've started a home for 'em, where +there will be preachin' to 'em, and encouragement gin 'em to repent and +reform, when you've come and told me you've started this job I'll give, +and give liberal." + +She sot kinder demute for a minute, and I went right on, and sez I, "I'd +have a immense big house built if I had my way so's to accommodate 'em +if I could git a house big enough. And I would set 'em there in immense +rows and let 'em meditate on their sins a spell and I'd have good likely +preachers of both sects go and preach to 'em about fallen men and fallen +wimmen, and how they could git up agin with God's help if they tried +hard enough to. And I'd have pictures hung on the wall of Mikel and +Magdaline and them old fallen men castin' stuns at fallen wimmen and +what the Lord said about it. And then to kinder encourage 'em and show +'em to what they might rise up to, if they repented and reformed, I +would have pictures of some likely he angels flyin' round up in a purer +air and----" + +I wuz almost carried away and by the side of myself with this beautiful +and inspirin' picture I'd cunjered up in my heated brain, when she broke +in all wrought up with excitement and horrow with a new thought that had +dawned on her: + +"Why," sez she, "if you did that, if you shet up such men there wouldn't +be a man left outside." And she sort o' screamed out, "Where would I git +a coachman to drive for me or a butler?" + +"Drive yourself," sez I sternly, "and buttle too; if that is so, but I +don't believe it." + +But she still looked most wild with excitement and horrow, and agin she +sez, "It would take away every man in the world! and what would we do +for men?" sez she. + +"Do!" sez I, all wrought up, "Do without 'em if that is the case, though +I don't believe it; but if it is so it's high time we begun fresh, +educate and bring up men babys in the right way, and begin agin; start a +new world with 'em, jest as you'd start a new kind of gooseberry or +anything. But I don't believe a word on't, not a word. I believe there +are good men in the world, lots and lots of 'em." + +"I know there hain't," sez she. + +And I sez, "I know there is." + +And we disputed back and forth several times but didn't convince each +other. You can see jest how it wuz, it wuz the example of our own +companions that wuz influencin' us in our opinions. She havin' lived +with a perfect sardeen and he-wretch, thought all men wuz like him, I +nerved up by the thought of my noble-minded (though small) companion +held my faith firm as a iron anchor that the world wuz full of good men, +scattered here and there like good wheat among the tares, and I felt and +knowed that the tearers wuz fur scurser than the wheat. + +But Jane Olive riz up and kinder let her train flop out over the floor, +she'd held it up as she come in. + +I bid her a cordial good-by and told her to come and see me in +Jonesville, but she acted kinder cold and hauty and I hain't much hopes +that she will foller my advice. + +Josiah came in pretty soon, and when I told him about it he acted real +huffy and agreed with Jane Olive, and resented the idee of a Home for +Fallen Men. Blandina, who come while we wuz talkin' about it to borry a +few needlefuls of white thread, she shed tears and said she wouldn't +mortify men by namin' a home like that for thousands of worlds like +this. + +And Josiah acted puggicky all the evenin'. But I knowed I wuz in the +right on't. Truly the path of duty is a thorny one anon or oftener. + +We went into the Fair the next mornin' by what they call the Skinker +Entrance, and we hadn't hardly got in when Josiah sez to me, pintin' to +a small low house, "What do you spoze they show there, Samantha? It must +be pretty poor if they can't afford shingles or a tar ruff." + +And sure enough the ruff wuz covered with straw. It wuz a low buildin' +built of sunthin' that looked like stun. But come to find out it wuz the +cottage of Robert Burns, and I hastened my steps, Josiah and Blandina +follerin' on. + +For low as that buildin' is, lookin' like a ant hill almost by the side +of the high red granite administration buildin', that little cabin holds +memories that soar up higher than the peakedest, highest ruffs on the +Fair ground. The Home of Robert Burns, the Poet of the People. How his +inimitable poetry come troopin' through my mind as I walked through the +low rooms, there is only four on 'em, kitchen, settin' room, store room +and stables. + +I didn't approve of havin' the stables so nigh the livin' rooms, and +should have advised Robert's wife to stood her ground and not had it. +But I wuzn't there, and she gin in probable, and mebby she wanted it so, +it wuz handy, you could open the door and milk into your coffee cup if +so inclined. The bed is built in the kitchen wall; I spoze they couldn't +afford anything better, and 'tennyrate that humble bed pillowed the form +that will walk down the ages crowned with honor and lovin' memories, +while many monarchs who at that time rested on carved rose-wood have +sunk into oblivion. + +The people are not goin' to forgit their poet. He who taught that no +matter what the rank, a man wuz a man "for a' that." Who sung and +dignified the humble pleasures of the poor. "The Cotter's Saturday +Night" will be remembered when many a scientific tome and eloquent poem +writ in long words is dust and ashes. And the scathing irony and wit +satirizing the ignorant rich, the scorn of meanness and bigotry, the +love of liberty and justice the melting tenderness of his love poems, +the People he loved and wrote for, will not forget. + +The big open fireplace might have been the one immortalized in his +poetry. There wuz a high clock like the one that told him the hours, +anxious hours, weary hours, happy hours, hours radiant with the poet's +inspiration. Despairin' hours full of anxiety and dread for the wife and +children he loved. It told the hours of day and night too, for Robert +did love what he called a good time, and I presoom Bonnie Jean read the +face of that old clock with anxiety and weariness writ in her own face +when the small hours struck and her Robbie wuz away with gay companions. + +And with what despairin' grief did she read its calm old face while her +poet writ this sad truth: + +"I'm wearin' awa' to the Land o' the Leal." + +And there wuz a cupboard with blue and white dishes and a sugar bowl +that he and Bonnie Jean had used. Oh, warm fingers, tired fingers! how +long you've been dust, and the little piece of metal still endures. Oh, +my soul! the wonder and the pity on't. + +There are chairs, tables, spinning wheel, etc., similar to those that +were in the Burns cottage. But there is a reel that wuz used by Bonnie +Jean herself, I took holt on't tryin' to bring to my mind what emotions +she had time and agin as she reeled her threads on and off, love, +anxiety, ambition, fear, hopes and sorrows; how they twined and ontwined +in her faithful breast as the reel turned, emotions stilled long ago, +long ago. + +And there wuz the very griddle and toaster with which Bonnie Jean +toasted the bread for her Robbie. Many and many a time her heart, I +presoom to say seemin' to git seared in the burnin' fires of jealousy +whilst the bread wuz toastin'. For Robert wuz a man of many fancies, and +though a wife through pride or affection may seem blind to such things, +yet burns will smart and "jealousy is as cruel as the grave." + +But many a time also whilst she toasted her bread her heart would bound +with joy and pride thinkin' of some triumph the man she loved had won, +or rememberin' some words of love and appreciation he had whispered in +her ear, which made the dark world over in a minute into a bright one, +for wimmen's hearts beat the same in Ayr or Jonesville, and Bonnie Jean +wuz proud of her poet lover and loved him. And he loved her the biggest +heft of the time, and mebby all the time; men are queer in such things +and their ways past findin' out. + +'Tennyrate my heart bent in homage to his genius and his bravely borne +poverty and sufferin'. And I wished, oh, how I wished that some of the +pride and honor showered on him now the world over could have brightened +his hard life when it wuz needed. But it wuzn't to be, I wuzn't there to +advise folks, or to cheer him and Jean up by my warm appreciation and +good vittles. And I reluctantly tore myself away from the memory-hanted +spot. + +Molly wuz dretful interested here too, but naterally wanted to ride in +the Intremoral railway and see all she could, it bein' her first visit. +So as I had spoke of wantin' to see the air-ships we went there next and +then to the Philippines. + +Sister Sylvester Bobbett laughed when I told her that probable Josiah +and I would go to the next Exposition through the air. + +Sez she, "You might jest as well talk about goin' through the ground." + +But I wuz glad to see that other folks realized the importance of the +subject, for they have given as much space to air navigation as for all +the other modes of transportation put together. The buildin' covers +about fourteen acres--I wonder what Sister Bobbett would say to that, +the walls are thirty feet high, the lower twelve feet, air tight, the +upper eighteen feet lattice work. + +Part on't is a sort of a harbor for their air-ships to light in. They +say they need a still harbor away from boisterous winds jest as much as +water ships do. This is the first Air-Ship harbor ever built. Josiah +said it wuz the humbliest buildin' on the Fair ground, and it wuzn't a +beauty so fur as architecture goes. + +But I sez, "Handsome is as handsome duz! I don't spoze," sez I, "that +Noah's Ark wuz a beauty, but he started a new world with it, and I +believe this buildin' holds the great hope and promise of the future in +the way of transportation, and it looks good to me." + +It stands between Physical Culture Hall and the Hall of Lady Managers. I +wuz glad it wuz where wimmen could keep an eye on 'em and keep 'em from +bein' run on. In one corner on't is two stalls, jest as they have horse +stalls in barns, but these stalls are one hundred and eighty feet long +and forty feet wide. There wuz most ninety entries for the contest. If +they make a speed of twenty milds an hour they git a prize of one +hundred thousand. I would like to know what Sister Bobbett would think +of that. + +Josiah said he believed they wuz dangerous, but the head of this company +told me with his own mouth that he had traveled over fifteen States in +air-ships and had never been hurt or even skairt, and I told Josiah that +wuz more than he could say of our wheel-barrow that had never been out +of Jonesville. Josiah went out one dark night to shet the barn door and +fell over it, and it rared up on him and throwed him; he wuz skairt to +death thinkin' it wuz a burglar who wuz tryin' to fight him. + +I had to take the lantern and go out and rescue him, and I hain't goin' +to tell how he kicked that wheel-barrow when he re_cog_nized it, and the +language he hurled at it. It wuz onbecomin' a deacon, and I told him so. + +Next to the Hall of Electricity, the great onseen Wizard that sways the +world, this Hall of Air-Ships wuz interestin' to me, for it is the +transportation of the future. Baby eyes blinkin' now at the canopys of +their cribs will look up and see the blue sky above 'em cleft by the +white wings of great ships of the air sailin' to and fro with no +treacherous rocks to dash aginst, no forests to subdue or mountains to +tunnel, no roads to break, to and fro, back and forth shining white +aginst the crimson sunset, aginst the rosy dawn, and the cloudless noon. +Oh, what a sight for the eyes that will behold 'em! I wish I could stand +it till then, but most probable I can't, and I wouldn't want to anyway +if Josiah couldn't be there to see 'em with me; and his health hain't +what it wuz, his liver is bad. But I think sometimes that Josiah and I +may look on and behold this glorious sight from some cloudy terrace of +the Better Country; I'd love to if we could. But 'tennyrate it will be +seen by them that live long enough. + +I took solid comfort and lots and lots of it wandering round seeing +these immense Travelers of the Sky and askin' questions and lookin' +forward towards the glories that is to be. + +Josiah and Blandina didn't enjoy it so much as I did, though Josiah, +always wantin' to embark in some new enterprise, thought he should go up +in one whilst he wuz there. He said he wanted to brag on't to Deacon +Henzy and Deacon Huffer. And I told him that wuzn't the right sperit to +show, it wuzn't the sperit of a true Discoverer tryin' to solve the +problems of the future through love for God and humanity. + +And he said he guessed he knew what he took comfort in and what he +didn't. + +Well, we rid round considerable so's to give Molly a view of the +Cascades and big buildin's, and then we went on to the Philippines. This +is the largest single exhibit at the Fair and covers forty-seven acres +of beautiful woodland and water spaces, and is the largest colonial +display ever made. I told Josiah as we walked towards it, Molly and +Blandina goin' a little ahead, "What wuz the use of travelin' so fur to +see our new possessions?" + +"Yes," sez he; "no use spendin' so much money." + +This wuz to me one of the most interestin' exhibits at the Fair. And I +thought it a first rate idee to show off to the world the almost +limitless wealth as well as the hard problems that face Uncle Sam in his +new possessions, for like a careful pa he will see that they learn how +to take care of themselves before he sets 'em up in independent +housekeepin'. + +We went over a fine bridge, copied from one of their own into the walled +city of Manila. Here in one room you see all of its war exhibits, +immense cannons, the blow guns of the Negritos; axes the Iggorote +head-hunters used to cut off the heads of their enemies. The Moro cris, +the wooden guns and bamboo cannons and home-made powder used in 'em by +the insurgent army with the rough machinery used in makin' it. + +Wanderin' on you see the nita huts of the Visayans, big handsome fellows +they are and pretty refined wimmen, and hear their weird melodies as +they are at work making their beautiful bamboo furniture, and weaving +their handsome blankets, etc. + +You see on the hillside the huts of the Negritos, black little creeters. +Then you see the Iggrotes, a real village, some of the housen brought +from their own land and the rest built here by them from their own +materials. It is jest as though you stepped over to the mountains of +Luzon and see 'em at their simple housekeepin'. + +I whispered anxiously to Josiah to keep clost watch of his own head, for +though they promised to not pursue their favorite pastime till they got +back home agin, yet I didn't know what might happen, though I felt he +wuzn't in so much danger, his bald head bein' so slippery and nothin' to +lay holt on, still I kep' a clost watch on that dear head all the while +we wuz there. + +Josiah didn't sense his own danger, but whispered, "I'm glad enough +Bruno is to home." They will eat dogs and dance their war dances, but I +spoze I couldn't hender 'em, so didn't try to advise 'em. Some on 'em +didn't have clothes enough on to be decent unless you call the tatooin' +on their naked bodies, clothes. I see Josiah looked at 'em with +interest, and he wondered if common ink and diamond dyes could be used, +and if Ury could handle 'em. + +And I hurried him on to the encampment of the Moros. Here we see the men +and wimmen dressed in silk and satin, but cut after patterns I would +never let Josiah wear or wear myself. Some of these Moro girls are quite +handsome in their bright striped mantillys, their long hair hanging down +under their gay turbans. One of these villages is on land and one built +on bamboo poles over the water. Jest open sheds covered with nipa +leaves. Anyone with rumatiz couldn't stand it in 'em. + +But what took Josiah most of all wuz the tree dwellers, their houses are +built up in the highest trees they can find, and they git to 'em by +ladders they pull up after 'em; as he looked on 'em I see in Josiah's +reminescent eye dreams of summer housen in our ellums and maples, and I +hurried him on. Blandina said she could be perfectly happy up there with +a congenial companion, and I knowed she wuz thinkin' of Aspire Todd; but +she never could git him up there, for his tongue is the strongest part +on him. + +We all admired the Native Scouts; they live in a little village of tents +in a beautiful piece of woodland. There are four companies, Visayan, +Tagalog, Maccabebe and Ilicano. Their band of music, and the band of +eighty pieces of the native constabulary are called the finest at the +Exposition. When they march they all seem to be one body; so smooth and +even are their movements, they are called the most perfectly drilled +soldiers in the country. + +Jest think on't, if they show off so now what will they do at the next +Exposition. There are ten large buildings containing their enormous +display of art and science, education, agriculture, horticulture, +manufactures, commerce, etc. Some of the statutes and pictures are +beautiful; you couldn't tell some of 'em from them brought from abroad. +But folks don't seem to realize that some of the Filippinos are as +refined and cultured as if they come from the middle of Boston. + +Their forestry exhibit is the finest ever brought to any Exposition and +contains everything relating to the fifty million acres of Philippine +forests, splendid timber, over fifteen hundred different kinds of wood, +rattans, gutta percha, dye stuffs, trees yielding oil, gums, rosin, etc. +The mineral exhibit shows how rich these islands are in gold, copper, +coal and other minerals. In agriculture you see the great display of +fibres, Manila hemp which brought 'em over twenty-two millions last +year, ropes made from bamboo, cocoa-nut, rattan. Sugar, tobacco, coffee, +hats, baskets and other articles made from palm leaves, bamboo, rattan +and nito, colored by their own native dyes. In the flower display are +the most rare and exquisite orchids growing jest as common there as +weeds along the Jonesville road. One interestin' display wuz a map built +out doors showin' more than 2,000 islands, their shape and comparitive +size. + +But most of all I wuz interested in the educational exhibit. So anxious +have they been to learn night schools have had to be established. The +big normal school building in Manila is handsome enough for any American +city, and the smaller district and industrial schools are doing jest as +good work. Our Government sent five hundred and forty teachers there in +1901, and now we have about seven hundred there. I took comfort in +seein' the great work they have done, as well as the church and private +schools, and how well they're learning and getting along. + +Anyone could spend five weeks at least jest at the Philippine display, +and find abundance to interest 'em all the time in the educational, art, +manufacturing, horticultural, agricultural and other displays, but we +hadn't no five weeks to spend, so we had to move on, but I felt proud +enough to see what my revered Uncle Sam had done and wuz doing. + +Truly he took a big job on his hands to take care of such an immense +family, and differin' so widely in cultivation, temperament and clothes, +to lead the ignorant ones into civilization and keep peace in the family +and among his own folks. + +He'll have as hard work to do it as that widower I hearn on who had +three or four children of his own, and married a widow who also had a +number, and then they had several, and one day she came callin' to her +husband, "Come quick! come quick! Your children and my children are +fightin' with our children." + +But Uncle Sam will be on hand, he'll wade right in with a birch gad or a +spellin' book, jest which he thinks they need most at the time, and +settle the differences all right, and I believe it will be a star in his +crown in time to come: turning the savages and cannibals that inhabit +part of these new possessions into good American citizens. + +I don't spoze I shall see the day when this shall fully come to pass, +and mebby the babies of to-day will be great-grandpas before it takes +place, but it will be, I believe, and so duz Josiah. + +Yes, he's doin' a good job by his step-children, I guess they would be +called that seein' he stepped in when they wuz poor and oppressed and +took 'em under his care. + +I honor him for it, but wish he would do as well by his steal children, +the dark complexioned ones stole away from their own land to be slaves +and drudges for his white children. + +He'll mebby tell me they wuz ignorant and degraded and wuz better off +here than in their own land, but I'll say back to him, "Samuel, Josiah +and I would probable be in a better house and more high-toned society if +some king or other should steal us and carry us away from our humble +farm to their palace. But do you spoze we would enjoy ourselves as well? +No indeed!" + +And 'tennyrate they're here, the problem that lays so heavy on the +Southern and Northern heart and conscience and the riddle gits harder +and harder to solve. The lurid blaze of livin' torches makes bloody +blindness in the eyes of them that look on and light them fires. The +disgraceful glare flames out, shamin' you in the eyes of the world, and +streams up to the pityin' heavens askin' for justice. + +Mebby you'll tell me you don't see how you can help it, but Samuel, you +must try, for though there are here and there oasises in the gloom +lighted up by education and inteligence still there remains the great +multitude of your steel children that you ort to help, you ort to do as +well by them settin' in long rows right on your very doorstep as you're +doin' for them six thousand milds off. Sinners must be punished by law, +else what is law made for? Order must be kep', the helpless protected, +but you know, Samuel, that if some of the disgraceful seens that are +bein' enacted here right under your dear old nose took place amongst +your adopted Philippine children or even amongst your protejays in +Turkey or China you would send out a warship to once. I am sorry for +you, Samuel, and think the world on you, but faithful are the woonds of +a friend; you must hear the truth once in awhile or who knows what would +become on you, you might puff up with proud flesh and have to have an +operation, and I guess you will anyway before you git through with this +problem. + +I presoom you want me to advise you what to do, only bein' a man you +hain't really wanted to come out and ask me. Josiah acts jest like that +lots of times. + +So I'll say to you, I honor you, Samuel, for what you're doin' for these +foreign children, but I want you to do jest as much to home. I want you +to send teachers and found schools at your own expense; you're four +handed and able to do it. And Id'no but you had better buy land in their +own home you stole them from, buy a small farm for each one that wants +to go. Travelers say that in the Valley of the Nile, a country with +similar climate and soil to the south land where they wuz born, is an +unoccupied place big enough for each one to have a small farm of their +own. I want you, Samuel, to buy this land for 'em, take 'em back there +at your own expense, all that want to go. There are plenty of the young +and enterprising who would go full of the hope of foundin' a new +republic for their own race, where they can expand and grow strong away +from parlyzing influence of racial and social hatred. + +There would be lots of 'em who wouldn't want to go, and why can't you, +Samuel, I'd say, buy them a little home here, for instance, on the vast +unoccupied area of Florida? Let 'em have the hull state if necessary; +let each family have their little piece of land, and then make 'em work +it; send teachers, found schools, teach 'em to be self sustaining and +self respecting. + +Samuel would probable sass me back and say, You can't teach a nigger to +respect himself and stand upright. + +And I'd say, "'Tain't so, Sam, but if it wuz, centuries have been spent +by the white race in teachin' this people to be dependent and helpless, +to not think for themselves, to lean entirely on the judgment and +justice of the white people (weak reeds to lean on anon or oftener)." + +And then I'd say, "Samuel, you did a foolish thing after the Civil war, +you did it with the best of motives, and you needn't be skairt, I hain't +goin' to scold you for it, but it wuz jest like turnin' a company of +babies out into the world and tellin' 'em they wuz jest as tall and +inteligent as their pas and mas and they must go on and take care of +themselves, and with their utter lack of all knowledge and strength take +an equal part in public affairs. How could these babies do it, Samuel, I +would say. But you wuz gropin' along most blind in them dark days, and +you did the best you knowed how to then. But when you see you've made a +mis-step you must draw your foot back and start off agin jest like a +elephant crossin' a weak bridge, I've seen 'em go down into the water +and wade ruther than resk it. You may have to wade through deep waters +to fix it all right, but that would be better than to fall through a +weak bridge and break your neck. + +"It is because I think so much on you, Samuel, that I talk so plain to +you, for I don't want you to git the name Miss Eben Simmons got. She +jest spent her hull mind and income on foreign missions and let her own +children go so dirty and ragged they wuz a disgrace to Jonesville. I +want you and Miss Simmons to not scrimp in your foreign charities but +begin to home and make your own dependent ones comfortable." + +I presume I could convince him if I had time enough, but we are busy +creeters, Samuel and I, both on us, and Id'no as he'd have time to argy +back and forth with me, but it would be well for him if he did, men must +have wimmen advise 'em if they ever expect to amount to anything. + +But to resoom forwards. These thoughts wuz runnin' through my head as we +wended our way around, it did my soul good, as I said, to see the +progress these Filipinos are makin', and to meditate on the fact how +enterprisin' Uncle Samuel is when he sets out. Why jest think on't, he's +taught them Filipinos more English in four years than the Spaniards +taught 'em their language in the four hundred years they took care on +'em. + +I wuz so proud and happy as I thought on't that I stepped considerable +high as I walked along, and I hearn a profane bystander say (wicked +creeter to think on't), + +"That woman has took too much stimulant." + +And Josiah sez, "What ails you, Samantha? You walk as if you wuz +follerin' a band of music." + +And I wuz, it wuz the music of the Future that sounds out in my ears +anon or oftener, sweet inspirin' strains that even Josiah can't hear if +his head lays on the same piller. + +It sings of an ignorant, oppressed race changed into an enlightened +prosperous one, this great work done by our own country, this song comes +floatin' into my ears over the wide Pacific. And another louder strain +comes from nigher by made tender and pathetic by years of oppression and +suppressed suffering that could find expression in no other way than +this heart searching pathos. And blending with it, ringing over and +above it, triumphant happy echoes telling of real freedom of mind and +conscience, the true liberty. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +Well, Blandina wanted to go to the Anthropological Buildin'. She said +Professor Todd had recommended it. I should knowed he would choose that +spot in preference to any other. I hadn't a idee what it meant, but +didn't feel obleeged to tell her so, but spozed it wuz sunthin' hard to +tackle, judgin' from the name, but told her I wuz willin' to go to see +_it_ or _her_ or _him_, not knowin' which it would turn out to be. But +come to find out it wuz everything relatin' to the history of man, and +spozed that wuz one reason why Blandina wuz interested in it. + +It wuz a monstrous big buildin', and in it and outside on't wuz exhibits +from all the different countries of the world, showin' the difference in +the races of mankind, their difference through all the ages, anatomy, +industries, customs, education, different religious rites, games, books +and pictures, maps illustrating mankind and his works, etc., and I could +fill a dozen pages with etcs., and not half exhaust the contents of the +immense buildin'. + +Blandina wuz in her glory here, she wuz studyin' in full magesty the +history of her idol, man. But as I told her, I spozed the term, man, +included woman also. But she looked dubersome, she didn't like the idee +I could see, and Josiah didn't. But I knowed I wuz right, and I guess +Molly thought so too. + +This is the most complete gathering of the world's people and races that +has ever been got together, and includes different types, from the +smallest pigmies from Central Africa to the Patagonian giants. Josiah +wuz delighted to learn of the strength of these pigmies, how they kill +elephants and rhinocerhorses, and sez he, "I tell you, Samantha, it +hain't size that counts, it is most always the smallest men that are the +smartest, looked at Napoleon and me." + +But I whispered to him to keep still, for he wuz attractin' attention, +and I led the way to see the giants. But he looked coldly on 'em, and +sez he: + +"They hain't thought much on, it speaks about their mean statter in the +guide books." + +But I thought to myself how handy it would be to have one on 'em in the +neighborhood to rent out by the day to whitewash overhead or shingle the +barn; they wouldn't even have to git up in a chair, and Id'no but they +could lay a chimbly standin' on the ground; they wuz immense. + +And there wuz displays of the works and habits and native surroundin's +of the lowest types from the beginnin' of the stun age up to the present +finished glory of Jonesville and the world at large. And I wondered +what, what would be the glory showed off a hundred years from now, what +hites would men stand on, sailin' round through the air and comin' from +other planets to the show like as not jest as easy as we come from +Jonesville. And where will Josiah and I be then? That wuz another +thought that hanted me, and what would we be lookin' on? 'Tennyrate I +hope we will be together wherever it is. + +But to resoom. There wuz the skin housen of the Indians from Mexico and +the display of the Ainu tribes from Japan; red negroes from Central +Africa, and all the Indian tribes left in North America, so fast meltin' +away like the leaves of the forest before the march of winter. Basket +makers from California and Arizonia, bead workers, arrow workers, all +carryin' on their work before us and goin' through their ceremonies and +playin' their games. + +And there wuz the tradin' post, with the agent cheatin' the Injuns jest +as nateral as life, so I spoze. Mexico had a wonderful collection, +native books on Maguey paper, amulets of gold, sculpture, carved idols, +remarkable lookin', though I wouldn't worship one on 'em not for a +dollar bill. + +Egypt, where Civilization first started, had to crumple down and send +her best treasures to the fur away West. Oh, how fur, how fur +Civilization has traveled since she left the Lotus land. And she hadn't +better set down yet and fold her hands. She's got a good many jobs +before her that I could pint out to her right here in America. + +And there wuz a hull Egyptian tomb, mummies, ancient pottery, necklaces +and beads took out of old Egyptian tombs. Oh, where wuz the throbbin' +hearts that beat agin them with boundin' life and joy? So much stronger +and greater than the fragile things, yet gone to dust and ashes +centuries ago, while these senseless toys outlive 'em and are brought +thousands of milds to be looked on by a strange race. And there wuz +scarabes, symbols, strange lookin' things as I ever see and piles on +'em. + +And there wuz a display showing how they first started fire, which they +worshipped when first discovered as the Red Flower God, and everything +up to its present development. And so with the earliest attempts at +makin' weapons, blades of bamboo and wood, hammered copper up to the +deadly life destroyers of to-day. + +And in one room wuz the priceless treasures of the Vatican, and a +exquisite collection of the Jubilee presents of the Widder Albert carved +ivory gems, beautifully set jewels, fans, feathers, leather work and +wrought gold, carved ebony, sandal-wood, embroidered silk and velvet +caskets, silver prayer wheel (though she never used it I'll warrant, no +quicker than I would) gold boxes from Africa, Burmah and all her +provinces; gold and velvet harnesses and saddle cloths, chains and +plumes; a chair of state of carved ivory; kneeling cushion in rich +embroidered velvet; elephants' tusks mounted on ebony and on rosewood; +there are thirty cases in all, and as I looked on 'em, lent to this +Exposition by his Gracious Majesty, King Edward VII, jest as willin' as +I'd lend sister Bobbett a drawin' of tea, my feelin's pretty nigh +overpowered me and I almost bust into tears, but knowin' Josiah's state +of nerves I kep' up and restrained myself in a measure. + +But I noticed Blandina wuz beginin' to act restless and looked at her +watch, and finally she said that Professor Todd had promised to meet her +at the Anthropometric Display. + +Sez I, "I should know that of all the places in the world that would be +his chosen rondevoo." + +"Yes," sez she, "he has got such exquisite taste--in dress." + +I don't believe she had a idee what it wuz, I believe she thought from +what she said that it wuz some kind of men's clothes, or scarf pins +mebby. I myself didn't even hazard a inward guess, but made up my mind +to be resigned to the sight whatever it wuz and bear up under it the +best I could. + +But we found out it included all kinds of measures, attitudes and +angles, photographs, moulds, casts and rates of pulsation, measurements +of respiration, tryin' to measure and estimate as well as they can the +different physical values of the different races and people, it wuz a +sight to see it. + +Sure enough Professor Todd wuz there, and I willin'ly resigned her into +his care. He offerin' to see her home after the illumination. I knowed +he wuz to be trusted, and they went off, Blandina lookin' up happy and +adorin', he happy, patronizin' and lookin' down. Both on 'em contented +creeters. He leadin' her a willin' victim to where the biggest named +articles wuz and explainin' 'em to her in words more'n two inches long, +I'll bet, but if anybody is happy that's enough. And though it is +puttin' the wagon considerable ways before the horse, I may as well tell +a conversation I overheard between Professor Todd and Blandina later in +the day. Molly and Josiah wuz interested in lookin' at a display a +little ways off, and I'd sot down for a spell restin' my tired head on +my hand, and closed my eyes, for they too wuz so weary I felt I should +almost be ashamed to face them two gray orbs in the lookin'-glass, for I +knowed I had worked 'em too hard, and no knowin' when they would git any +rest, for it seemed as though the more we see the more there wuz to see. + +And I sot there lost in wistful retrospection of the view from our back +door where there wuz but one object in front of me, and that wuz a plain +barn with no cupolas or minarets, or towers or domes on it. No, jest a +plain barn with a slidin' door enriched and bejeweled when open only by +the form of my beloved pardner. And the only vista visible the grassy +path that led round the hen house to the ash-barrel, and the only +ornamental water, the waterin' trough embellished only by the green moss +on its sides. + +I felt I'd seen too many ornaments, I most knowed I should never hanker +agin for a minaret or a mosque, or a steeple or a crescent, or a wavin' +banner, or gildin', I felt that my heart would never more long and pine +for water to squirt up in the air or drizzle down three or four hundred +feet, nor for statutes or peaks or pillers. No, I almost felt I should +have Dave Yerden saw off the top of the whatnot because it riz up in a +sort of ornamental fashion, and I almost despised the thought of the M. +E. steeple in Jonesville, to such wicked and reckless lengths will +over-weariness lead one. But jest as I wuz rebukin' myself to myself, I +hearn jest on the other side on me the voices of Blandina and Professor +Aspire Todd. He wuz evidently continuing a conversation begun sometime +before. + +"Oh, that lost companion of mine! oh, that beauchious female so +humilitous in her sweet humility, so super-conscious of man's superior +attainments, she seemingly only existed to minister to my corporial +necessities." + +"Well she might, Professor, well she might," sez Blandina. "Any woman of +right feelin' would feel only too blest and honored to do the same." + +"I experienced from the first moment my eyes rested on you," sez the +Professor in solemn axents, "a sensation, or a feeling, as you may say, +that you wuz my affinity, that your soul wuz congenial, and every +transitory period of time that has progressively advanced since then has +but intensified the impression." + +Though I couldn't see her, I could feel Blandina simper. But at that +minute Josiah interrupted the dialogue by askin' where Samantha wuz, and +I come forward and jined 'em. Blandina looked radiantly happy, and I +motioned to Molly and Josiah to come on, I knowed they would rather have +our room than our company. For I remembered I wuz onmarried myself once, +and though my sperit wuz never incarnated in the personality of a +Blandina, yet I had a vivid remembrance of the time when Love first laid +holt on me, and I well remembered the feelin's I felt at the ardent +attentions of a Josiah. + +Professor Todd might not be an object of admiration to me, indeed he wuz +not, fur from it! But one of the last things we learn in life is not to +judge other folks attachments and desires by our own liking, and not to +condemn other people for having fur different ideals than our own. I had +found out that Professor Todd wuz likely and respectable and well off, +and if Blandina had got to git along through life without knowin' much, +she had better git along with a protector and under comfortable +circumstances. So I stood ready to give away the bride at any time, for +to tell the truth I had worried about her future, not knowin' but I had +her on my hands for life. But true to my principles I felt that I would +make no matches nor break none, but would only smooth the path for True +Love to trundle along in. + +Josiah wuz blind as a bat to what I see, and wanted to know, "What +Blandina wuz pokin' round with that fool for?" + +Truly men can't see through a stun wall or a matrimonial movement with +anything like the clearness of a woman. As I wended my way onwards I +felt jest as sure in my mind how it would end as I did two months +afterwards when I see 'em at the altar. + +But to resoom backwards. Josiah, Molly and I wended our way off to +another department of the immense buildin', goin' from one display to +another, and could have stayed a week and seen sunthin' new every +minute. + +I took sights of comfort at the Indian schools. Seein' on one side the +old poor oncivilized way of living, habits and customs; and then to see +what education and culture had done and wuz doing for 'em, what swift +strides they wuz makin' along the road that leads upwards. And to see +'em workin' away right before us at all the industrial trades, to see +inteligence in the eyes that had held savagery, to hear the inteligent +conversation in place of gutteral axents, I wuz highly tickled. + +And I sez to Josiah and Molly, "I hope Uncle Sam will do well by all the +folks he's gardeen over, the Indians, Negroes, Philippinos and all, I +believe he means well by the hull on 'em, but he has so much on his +hands he don't know which way to turn, and I spoze it will be some time +before he gits 'round to do what he wants to for all on 'em, and," sez +I, "they had better in the mean time try to git along and do all they +can for themselves, it will be best for 'em anyway." + +I wuz walkin' along with my Josiah in a quiet part of the grounds, if +any of 'em can be called so, 'tennyrate there wuzn't many round when I +hearn some workmen passin' along say, "There is the President." + +And lookin' round eagerly and anxiously I see a good-lookin' man with +eye glasses settin' on a bench readin' a paper. And I knowed to once +that it wuz our Teddy, so dear to the heart of them that set store by +manliness, fearlessness, bravery, bright badges from Heaven's mint +shinin' on the breast of a man faithful to wife, children and country. +He didn't look exactly like his pictures, but I knowed pictures didn't +always favor their originals, specially in newspapers. I wuz highly +tickled to see him, for I had some errents for him, and wanted to advise +him for his good, and I advanced with outstretched hand and sez "Mr. +President, I am delighted to see you!" + +He shook hands and said polite, "You have the advantage of me, mom." + +"Yes," sez I, "folks see your face in the papers." I mentioned my name +and then went right on to say, "I wanted to tell you the first thing, I +hadn't nothin' to do with that slightin' piece about you you probable +read in the Jonesville Auger. The Nation knew I had writ for it, and for +the Gimlet, and I wuz awful afraid you'd think it wuz me, and be mad at +me, but I'm as innocent as a infant babe. Keturah Snyder writ it, and +she's been through with trials enough to make her bitter but bein' so +mad she sez things she can't prove. Now she thinks you could kep' her +from bein' turned out of the Jonesville post-office and you could keep +the price of meat down. No use arguin' with her, she sez you had it in +your power to squelch some of the Trusts, and didn't do nothin' but +talk. + +"And that Post-Office scandal, she said she spozed you wuz goin' to make +public samples of them stealers, but it all squizzled out, nothin' done +about it, only jest talk. And you remember she said in her piece, 'she +wuz turned out of the post-office for borryin' five cents from the +Government, and bein' backward with another five, ten cents in all, and +them post-office clerks in Washington stealin' hundreds of thousands and +nothin' done.'" Here Theodore tried to say sunthin', and knowin' he wuz +such a fluent talker I wuz bound to git my explanation in before he +begun, for I wouldn't interrupted him for the world after he got to +goin'. + +Sez I, "I wanted you to know jest what reason she had for bein' so mad +and writin' it, for I knowed you wouldn't feel so mortified about it. +The way on't wuz, she wuz in the Office, and hadn't baked that week +owin' to the cat tippin' over her yeast, she's so petickular she won't +use boughten, and a hull load of company driv up onexpected at leven +forty-five. The baker come and not havin' a cent of change by her, and +he refusin' to trust her jest out of meanness, she knowin' she wuz to +have some money paid her in the mornin', jest borrowed five cents from +Uncle Sam. I don't say it wuz right, she'd better made biscuit, but I +say she wuz punished pretty hash for that and two other small things, +for bein' half distracted by her cares, she forgot to cancel three +letters, the first mistake she'd made in the three years she'd been in +office. One wuz a drop letter, so Uncle Sam wuz only out five cents. +Well, you know Theodore, that when trials come, they come as Shakespeare +said, 'Not as single spiders but hull battles on 'em,' or words to that +effect. + +"Right on top of that Baker come the Inspector. He discovered the +deficit of ten cents, and also that other incident, where I got mixed up +in the Jonesville P.O. Scandal. Keturah had to have help in the office +once in awhile, and two men wanted to work for her, Nate Yerden and Sam +Pendergrast. She didn't like Nate, and she did like Sam, and I don't +spoze it made much difference in her feelin's, but Sam kep' sheep and +did gin her yarn for a pair of stockin's, and jest out of pure kindness +I colored it for her in my indigo dye tub. + +"I never thought of committin' any sin, let alone one with such a big +name, Misprision of Treason and Maladministration of Justice, I believe +he called it. Why, for a spell I thought I should have to be shot up, +Josiah wuz skairt to death, and told him he never hearn of such crimes, +and sez he, 'I'll bet you can't find 'em in the Velosipeder.' + +"He meant the Encyclepeder, but poor man he wuz most crazy. I emptied +out my blue dye and don't know as I shall ever set up another. And +Keturah raveled out her stockin's and gin back the yarn, I got off with +the awfulest talkin' to I ever had, and warnin's never, never to trifle +in such a heedless and wicked way with Public Matters and the sacred +rights of the people. But Keturah, poor thing! wuz jest turned right out +of office root and branch. She knowed what high influence duz in +politics, and she got Thomas Jefferson to argy with the Inspector and +tell him jest how it wuz. But he said the dignity of a great Nation wuz +at stake and out she must go. + +"Keturah wep' and cried, and reminded him the yarn wuz gin back and how +small the sum wuz. And he said, 'A straw showed which way the wind +blowed, and the Nation must trust its public servants implicitly, or +where would be the safety of the people.' + +"Then Keturah sassed him and said if a straw showed the direction of the +wind in Jonesville, how wuz it with the dead loads and stacks of straw +in Washington, sez she, they're so heavy with rottenness and corruption +they can't blow. You'll remember that powerful figger of speech in the +article. I told her it would make you mad as a hen and I spoze it did. +And I felt it my duty to molify you and tell you that a honester creeter +never lived than Keturah, and it wuz only these extronnery circumstances +that made her borry the ten cents. And workin' out by the day and eatin' +codfish as she duz, makes her more morbid, kinder salts her blood I +believe, and she lays it to you onjustly, for meat bein' so high that +she can't buy any. + +"Ive told her time and agin it wuzn't your fault. But she sez you might +hold in the Trusts some if you wuz a minter. + +"She sez you had 'em in your power once and could made a sample on 'em +but didn't, and so, sez she, I've got to live on codfish, and the flour +trust is bringin' up flour so Id'no but I'll have to eat saw-dust bread. +You remember them powerful metafors in the Auger. I wanted to explain +all this and I also had some errents of my own." + +He made another effort to speak, but knowin' his remarkable eloquence, +and that I wouldn't try to git a word in after he begun, I should enjoy +his talk so, I kep' on: + +"I want to be open and above board, Theodore, jest as you are nachelly. +And that other piece you remember that come out about the same time in +the Jonesville Gimlet I'll tell you plain that I approved on it, though +I didn't write it. You remember it begun with this quotation: + +"'They enslave their children's children +Who make compromise with sin.' + +"And it went on to talk about our great dignified Nation bein' a pardner +in Saloons, ruinin' men, breakin' wimmen's hearts, starvin' children, +committin' theft, murder, adultery, arson, helpin' on fights, death and +ruin, jest goin' in snux, as you may say with all this for the money got +out of it; it said that though there wuz many great evils to face and +overthrow, there wuz none that brutalized the race and agonized the +hearts of the people like this, and though all sin left its mark, no +other sin changed a man so into the loathsome body and soul wrecks, that +drunkenness did, and all for a little money. + +"It wuz a powerful piece, and as full of facts as a brick is of sand. It +told jest how much money Uncle Sam got out of every drunkard he made. My +memory hain't what it wuz, Theodore, and I can't tell exactly jest how +much money it would be in Uncle Sam's pocket to make your four bright +good boys drunkards, and finish up the job and land 'em in the +drunkard's grave, via the saloon and gutter. But if you stood by and see +it goin' on before your face as so many thousands of proud and lovin' +fathers have to, you would think a million dollars of such blood money +wuz too cheap, yes indeed! + +"That tells the hull story, Theodore, I could throw statistics at you +till you wuz black and blue, about our country spendin' for what is +useless and ruinous to soul, body and estate, one billion four hundred +millions a year, and about the hundred thousand drunkards that stumble +along into the staggerin' slobberin' ranks every year, and drop into the +drunkard's grave. I could eppisode eloquent to you about all this but +what's the use; you're real smart and you know all about it. You've seen +on every side on you the beast drivin' out the angel in man, you've seen +the staggerin' army march by you to ruin. You've seen the saloons spring +up by the thousands on every side, for the purpose of makin' drunkards, +you've seen wives murdered by them that promised to protect 'em, you've +seen children driv to starvation and the streets by it; you've seen +Poverty drive Prosperity out everywhere the curse fell. And you've seen +nothin' good come from it, nothin' at all, only the money that Uncle Sam +takes with one hand, and pays out with the other, for law's machinery to +punish the criminals he makes, and prisons, jails, reformatories, poor +houses, orphan's homes, cheap coffins, etc. + +"No use my tellin' you all this for you know it, but you love your boys, +and I want you to promise me to do by other boys as you'd want me to do +by yourn if I see the Saloon tryin' its best to entice 'em, and see +their bright innocent eyes beginnin' to enjoy the deathly glitter on't. +You'd want me to slam that door to and keep 'em out. Put my shoulder +blade agin it, prop it up with all the strength I could git holt on in +law and gospel, so they couldn't git in. And that's what I want you to +do, Theodore, I want you to help keep out other children jest as dear to +their fathers and mothers as your children are to you. And you know that +you and their mother would ruther see 'em lay dead at your feet, than to +see 'em enter that door with the doom of the place on 'em. + +"It's a heavy door, Theodore, loaded down with greed and lowest +passions, you can't shet it alone, nor I can't, but I would feel guilty +as a dog if I didn't try my very best. Public Opinion backed by Law is +what has got to slam that door to and lock it. But you and I can help, +and you can do more than I can, and I want you to promise me to do all +you can." + +Agin I see he wuz strugglin' for speech, and I hurried to git my last +words in, "I believe you want to do right, and I will encourage you by +tellin' you that Josiah is goin' to vote for you, though we hain't got +nothin' agin Mr. Parker. He's close-mouthed, which is a good quality, +though it can be carried too fur. + +"A neighbor of ourn had warned her girl to not be too familiar with the +hired man, a good Christian he wuz too. And once when her ma wuz gone he +asked her where the milk pail wuz, and she wantin' to be on the safe +side wouldn't say a word. That wuz bein' too cautious, and a good many +think he's been a little too mute about some things, he didn't tell jest +where his politics wuz. But then the tongue is a onruly member and has +to be curbed in, and I guess he means well. And Mr. Davis, too, of +course he's gittin' along in years. But jest think of Methusaler, Mr. +Methusaler's folks would call Mr. Davis nothin' but a child." + +Here he blurted right out, "I hain't Theodore, though I've been took for +him before, I'm President of a Gas Company." + +I wuz mortified for most a minute, but come to think it over I knowed +such seeds of truth as I'd been a scatterin' couldn't help but do good +even if the sile wuzn't so rich as I'd spozed. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Well, the next week we had a busy time, Josiah and Molly and I went +mostly together, Blandina most always meetin' Professor Aspire Todd +somewhere nigh the entrance, I guess it wuz planned, but 'tennyrate I +wuz willin', plan or no plan. + +And we visited every interestin' spot from Morocco to the Model City and +from Physicial Culture Hall to Nevada. + +There wuz a meetin' that scientific folks held there, and its main aim +seemed to be to make light of the religion of Christ. It madded Josiah +dretfully, and he sez, "I feel it my duty as a deacon to go and give in +my testimony and break up such wicked doin's." + +Sez I, "Josiah you let 'em alone. You couldn't break it up, nothin' but +the power of the God they deny could do it. But we'll punish 'em by not +goin' near 'em. That will mortify 'em and mebby make 'em see where they +stand, denyin' the power that gives em the breath they spend in such +folly." So when Sunday come agin we went to the same M.E. meetin' house +and hearn a splendid sermon on what the Christian Religion had done for +the World. And we visited Lincoln's Cabin and I had probable fifty +emotions a minute all the time I wuz there thinkin' of that wise, +child-hearted man and what he did for humanity. + +And I had about the same emotions in Grant's Log Cabin. Noble creeters, +both on 'em! They wuz cramped for room in these humble homes, and wuz +probable put to it for comforts. But they have room enough now, the +Great World claims 'em, and they will walk down the ages together +crowned with the love and reverence of the people. + +And Josiah wanted to see the Boer War, and though a war wuz nothin' I +wanted to see I felt I musn't cross him. And all the while I sot there +seein' them contendin' armies contend I wuz thinkin' of poor Oom Paul +and his brave fight for liberty, and at last losin' all and dyin' +broken-hearted in a strange land. + +But onbeknown to myself these words come to me: + +"The mills of the gods grind slowly +But they grind exceedingly small." + +I can't look ahead and see jest what they're grindin' out for this brave +people and them that conquered 'em, nor Josiah can't. + +And I took solid comfort in the Hall of Lady Managers seein' how well +they managed. In this Exposition there is no seperate place fenced off +for wimmen's exhibit. They carry the idee here that good work is equally +valuable when done by man or woman. They claim that works of art, +invention, manufacture, etc., are as sexless as religion, and you know +our Lord said plain of men and wimmen, "Ye are one in Christ." + +I wuz glad enough to see it, it seems to bring us nigher to the day of +justice and true liberty for all. That glorious day hain't dawned yet +(wimmen are still classed in law with idiots, criminals and lunaticks). +But by standin' on tip-toe I can catch a faint glow in the East showin' +that the day is goin' to break in rosy splendor bime-by. + +I cant begin to tell jest where we went or what we see, enough +'tennyrate I felt to last me through life, but time hurried on jest as +usual and brought the last days of our stay here. + +I told Josiah that I never would go home without seein' President +Francis and thankin' him for the treat he'd gin us. + +Josiah didn't want to go but I sez, "David will expect it of me, it's +only showin' him common politeness. You know I brought the children up +to always thank the folks that entertained 'em. And such a entertainment +as this! Do you spoze I am goin' to slight and mortify him by not +noticin' it and thankin' him? No, indeed!" + +Josiah argyed and said that "he guessed if everybody follered David up +and thanked him he would have his hands full." + +"But," I sez, "Other folks can do as they're a mind to, I shall do my +duty," so I went up to his office follered by a onwillin' Josiah, and +advanced towards him where he sot alone at his desk. + +He's a dretful handsome man, sometimes smart men are humbly, and it is a +treat to find one that combines beauty, smartness, and faculty, for it +took more than smartness alone to plan this show, it took faculty and +tack, sights and sights of tack. For as I told him, after I'd introduced +myself and shook hands cordially with him, sez I: + +"I couldn't leave without thankin' you for the great treat you've gin +us, and to tell you how I appreciate what you've done for us." Sez I, +"I'm a housekeeper and know what it is to fix up for company and how +much work it is to git two or three rooms and the front steps and door +yard all right for half a dozen folks for jest one afternoon, and then +to clear up and ornament as you have more'n twelve hundred acres, and +have so many visitors come right onto you and settle down for a six +months' stay, I don't see how you stand it. + +"Why last winter I had six of the relation on my side and on hisen, +snowbound to our house for a week, and I thought I should go distracted +tryin' to keep the house clean, and suit 'em all in vittles, and some on +'em jealous thinkin' I gin the others a better bed, and the other +relation comin' in to see 'em and kinder disputin' and twittin' 'em as +relation will, and kinder jealous of me because they wuz visitin' me +instead of them, and my folks callin' me extravagant in vittles--I had a +dretful time. And what wuz it compared to what you're goin' through with +fifteen thousand visitors settlin' right down on you for a six months' +visit, some on 'em smart and high headed, some not knowin' putty, some +good-natered and easy to please, some quarrelsome, some awful petickular +and fussy about their vittles, some that will eat dogs, some too dressy, +some that will go most naked, and hundreds of millions comin' and goin' +all the time, and more than thirty millions of your own folks +complainin' and sassin' you as your own folks will. Payin' out fifty +millions and mebby called extravagant for it--why what a time you're +havin'! + +"And I wanted to tell you how I appreciated what you're goin' through, +and thank you from the bottom of my heart for givin' me and Josiah such +a great treat, and also Blandina. + +"And if you ever come to Jonesville I want you to feel free to come +right to our house and stay as long as you can. Though of course I can't +do for you what you've done for me, but I'll kill a hen and make a bag +puddin', and do the best I can." + +He thanked me real polite and said "if he wuz ever in Jonesville he +should certainly come and see me." + +And I sez, "How I do wish it wuz so you could come this fall. We're +goin' to have a big Harvest Entertainment for the benefit of the Grange, +and you do have such a talent for gittin' up sunthin' interestin', your +advice would be onvaluable about ornamentin' the hall and givin' 'em all +a equal show. Of course every mother wants her children to speak the +openin' piece, and every man wants the best place to show off his +squashes and rutabagers. Pomona wants the hall trimmed one way, and +Cerius 'tother way, whilst Flora and Hygea are settin' on the fence. I +d'no how it will turn out and whether or not it will lead to bloodshed. + +"If we only had your faculty and your tack to fall back on what a boon +it would be, for you must have gone through with as much agin with +everybody wantin' the best place. + +"But I know it is too much to ask of you with all this doin's on your +hands, millions of visitors comin' and goin' and thousands of help to +look after, and I shan't say a word to you about it, only wishin' you +could be there to enjoy it with us when it is ready. + +"And now thankin' you agin for all you've done for us I will bid you +adoo." And I shook hands with him almost warmly. + +He seemed glad and relieved about sunthin' as we took leave, I guess it +wuz because I thought so high on him. + +And bein' wunk at by me, Josiah Allen advanced and held out his hand and +said, "how de do," and "good-bye," at the same time, and I sez to kinder +smooth it over, "In this world, Mr. Francis, it is hail and farewell +time and agin." + +And then we bowed ourselves out, I'd told Josiah to be sure and not turn +his back. And we got along first-rate, only onfortinat'ly jest as we got +to the door we backed into the Chinese Minister and his party who wuz +jest comin' in. + +But then, as I told Josiah as we went down the steps when he wuz blamin' +me for this _contrary temps_, as men always will blame their pardners +for most everything, I sez: + +"China is used to bein' backed into by foreigners, I guess they'll +overlook it." + +I didn't bandy words with Josiah, I knowed I'd done my duty and that +kep' me serene. When you're follerin' a star you don't mind the bite of +a nat. + +The last week of our stay in St. Louis Aunt Trypheny on leavin' the Fair +ground one day wuz struck by the twenty-mule team that perambulates the +ground, was knocked down and carried to an emergency hospital on the +Fair ground. The head doctor there wuz Miss Huff's nephew, and she got a +little room for her till she could be moved with safety. + +The day before we went home Josiah went down into the city to do a few +errents for the bretheren, Blandina had gone with Aspire Todd to visit a +sister of hisen (they wuz engaged), and I had been to work gittin' ready +to leave the next mornin', and Molly and I wuz goin' in the afternoon to +take a last look at the Fair, and she come into my room as I wuz gittin' +my bunnet on with her hands full of the most beautiful flowers she could +get, and proposed that we should go and see Aunt Pheeny and cheer her up +a little. + +Sweet creeter, I hadn't thought on't. The hospital wuz quite a distance +off from where we had laid out to go, and I knowed I would be tired as a +dog anyway. But not wantin' to be behind hand in good works I said I +would go with her, and I selected some of the nicest of the fruit I had +bought to take home to the grandchildren, and put in my silk bag for +her, and put on my mantilly and told her I wuz ready. And then that dear +child proposed we should take Dorothy with us, knowin' Aunt Trypheny +would ruther see her than any Emperor or Zar, and I gin my consent to +that, and we sot off, Dotie happy as a Queen at goin' with us. + +Well, Aunt Pheeny wuz glad enough to see us, specially Dorothy. But we +found her blissful in mind anyway for she told us the first thing her +Prince Arthur had been there to see her and had been gone only a few +minutes, and she showed us a couple of gold pieces he had gin her, big +enough to bear witness to his goodness of heart as well as his wealth. +She said with her linement all aglow (she never liked her) that his +mother had died two months ago leaving him a free man, he had stayed +with her and devoted himself to her because he thought it wuz his duty, +and since her death he had been on a long journey, it seemed, she said, +as if he wuz hunting for something or other, though what she didn't +know. And he had promised her that some time in the future she should +come and live with him, and sez she, with her characterestic irreligion, +"If I had my choice to live with him or in heaven I wouldn't look at +heaven." The idee! We give her the fruit and flowers and asked her if +she had everything for her comfort, and she said: + +"Yes, indeed! 'tain't much here like the ironfirmary I wuz sent to in +Chicago. I wuz jest as white as you are, Miss Molly, when I went there, +and them iggorent doctors jest turned my skin black as tar; I wuz so +mortified when I come to my senses and found what they'd done and I wuz +a nigger, I jest leaped out o' bed and rushed right out into the street, +I wuz so mortified. But 'twuzn't no use, I wuz a nigger, and so I've +been ever since." + +And all the time she wuz tellin' this, Dotie's little white arms wuz +'round her neck and she was pattin' the black cheeks. And as she +finished she said lovingly, "Pheeny is nice! Pheeny is pretty! Pheeny +has got white teef!" And indeed they did glisten like ivory in the +blackness of her face as she held the baby clost to her heart with broad +smiles. + +Well, we made quite a long call and cheered her up considerable by +listenin' to some more of her most eloquent and unlikely fabrications, +and then bid her good-bye. A man's gray kid glove lay on the table and a +little book, and she said Prince Arthur had forgot them. + +Well, jest as we passed out of the long corridor, Dotie, who wuz looking +back, cried out, "There is Pheeny's Prince Arthur!" And refused to stir +another step till she went back to see him. She said Aunt Pheeny had +showed her his picture and that wuz the Prince that could do anything. +Aunt Pheeny I spoze had filled her mind full of stories of his +perfections, she said he'd gone back to git his glove and book, and she +would wait and see him. + +I wuz in a hurry and wuz for goin' on, but Molly, sweet-natured thing, +said we might sit down on the bench for a few minutes and then Dotie +would be willing to go. So we sot down and Dotie begun to state with +much excitement her reasons for wanting to stay, sez she: + +"Billy has been bolsting to me that he see a Prince to the Fair, a real +live meat Prince. He wuz bolsting about it, and said Aunt Pheeny didn't +have no Prince, but I see his picture my own self, and I'll let Billy +know that Aunt Pheeny did have a nice live, meat Prince and I see him. +And there he comes now!" sez she, she wuz a little in advance of us and +could see furder. And sure enough we hearn a quick light step coming +down the corridor, it come nigher and nigher, a handsome elegant-looking +young man turned the corner right by us, Molly looked up--and had the +desire of her heart. + + * * * * * + +He left his friend's house and Molly, thinking his duty kept him by his +mother, and he had decided it was wrong to ask a young happy girl to +enter the shadow of selfish invalidism with him. He didn't say jest +that, but I knowed it from what he didn't say as well as from what he +did. The minute he wuz free he had flown to his friends where they had +met. The house wuz closed, the family in Europe, he didn't know where, +he had tried in vain to find her, and wuz jest on the eve of departing +for Europe that afternoon to try to find his friends hoping to get a +clue of her. Had she not gone to the hospital that day, had she come a +little earlier or a little later, had she not humored Dorothy by +waiting, they would not have met. That's what worldlings might say, but +I didn't say it even to myself. She wuz safe, she could not have been +either too early or too late. She had like a little child, asking its pa +for a gift, asked her Lord for the desire of her heart and jest as he +promised, he brought it to pass, usin' that bare corridor jest as he +might the Valley of the Nile, or the Rocky Mountains if necessary. The +hull world is but a tiny doorstep leadin' up to the shinin' pavilion of +divine love. + +They wuz led towards each other, she couldn't miss her way, he couldn't. +The broad ocean rolled between 'em and mountain and valley, but they wuz +both led by the hand like two little children out May-flowering with +their ma--they _had_ to meet. + +Well, Josiah met us, accordin' to promise in front of Festival Hall, and +we stayed to the illumination, Dotie havin' gone home with Miss Huff +before dark. + +Molly and Arthur stood on the high terrace with light fallin' all 'round +'em and before 'em, their faces needin' no light, so bright wuz they +with heart sunshine. Josiah and I sot a little in the shadder, but where +we could see plain. And one by one like brilliant jewels dropped from an +endless storehouse of glory, lights sprung out along the front of the +stately white palaces, adown the broad avenues they shone in gleamin' +lines and clusters, and starred with brilliance all the long glorious +vistas. Broad beams of crimson, gold and azure changin' every minute +fell on the cascades, the flowers gleamed out from the emerald grass +like jewels of every color. + +Music riz softly from the lagoon, the great organ pealed out in +triumphant notes, and my heart boyed up on waves of beauty and melody +follered the strains heavenward as if it didn't ever want to come back +agin to earth and Jonesville. + +But as my eye fell on Josiah's face I knowed that where the star of Love +went it wuz my duty and joy to foller it. He wuz gittin' worrisome and +wanted to go, and so I sez: + +"Beautiful! beautiful! Ivory City, farewell!" + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12386 *** diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8d4afcd --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #12386 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12386) diff --git a/old/12386.txt b/old/12386.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..62f7f6f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/12386.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7972 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition, by +Marietta Holley + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition + +Author: Marietta Holley + +Release Date: May 19, 2004 [eBook #12386] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS +EXPOSITION*** + + +E-text prepared by Project Gutenberg Distributed Proofreaders + + + +SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION + +BY + +JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE (MARIETTA HOLLEY) + +ILLUSTRATIONS BY CH. GRUNWALD + +1904 + + + + + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + +[Transcriber's note: These are the captioned halftone illustrations. +There are several other uncaptioned line drawings.] + +He showed 'em in a careless way as much as fifteen dollars in cash + +Josiah's good nater returnin' with every mouthful he took + +It is the big crowd that is surgin' through the Pike to and fro, fro and +to + +"I hain't Theodore. I'm President of a Gas Company." + +She laid her pretty head in my lap, sobbin' out, "What shall I do? What +shall I do?" + +Good land! I couldn't sort 'em out and describe them that passed by in +an hour. _Frontispiece_ + + + + + +SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION + + +CHAPTER I. + +I had noticed for some time that Josiah Allen had acted queer. He would +seem lost in thought anon or oftener, and then seemin'ly roust himself +up and try to act natural. + +And anon he would drag his old tin chest out from under the back +stairway and pour over musty old deeds and papers, drawed up by his +great-grandpa mebby. + +He did this last act so often that I said to him one day, "What under +the sun do you find in them yeller old papers to attract you so, +Josiah?" + +But he looked queer at me, queer as a dog, as if he wuz lookin' through +me to some distant view that interested him dretfully, and answered +evasive, and mebby he wouldn't answer at all. + +And then I'd see him and Uncle Sime Bentley, his particular chum, with +their heads clost together, seemin'ly plottin' sunthin' or ruther, +though what it wuz I couldn't imagine. + +And then they would bend their heads eagerly over the daily papers, and +more'n once Josiah got down our old Olney's Atlas and he and Uncle Sime +would pour over it and whisper, though what it wuz about I couldn't +imagine. And if I'd had the curosity of some wimmen it would drove me +into a caniption fit. + +And more'n a dozen times I see him and Uncle Sime down by the back +paster on the creek pacin' to and fro as if they wuz measurin' land. And +most of all they seemed to be measurin' off solemn like and important +the lane from the creek lot up to the house and takin' measurements, as +queer lookin' sights as I ever see, and then they would consult the +papers and atlas agin, and whisper and act. + +And about this time he begun to talk to me about the St. Louis +Exposition. He opened the subject one day by remarkin' that he spozed I +had never hearn of the Louisana Purchase. He said that the minds of +females in their leisure hours bein' took up by more frivolous things, +such as tattin' and crazy bed-quilts, he spozed that I, bein' a female +woman, had never hearn on't. + +And my mind bein' at that time took up in startin' the seams in a blue +and white sock I wuz knittin' for him, didn't reply, and he went on and +talked and talked about it. + +But good land! I knowed all about the Louisana Purchase; I knowed it +come into our hands in 1803, that immense tract of land, settlin' +forever in our favor the war for supremacy on this continent between +ourselves and England, and givin' us the broad highway of the +Mississippi to sail to and fro on which had been denied us, besides the +enormous future increase in our wealth and population. + +I knowed that between 1700 and 1800 this tract wuz tossted back and +forth between France and Spain and England some as if it wuz a immense +atlas containing pictured earth and sea instead of the real land and +water. + +It passed backwards and forwards through the century till 1803 when it +bein' at the time in the hands of France, we bought it of Napoleon +Bonaparte who had got possession of it a few years before, and Heaven +only knows what ambitious dreams of foundin' a new empire in a new +France filled that powerful brain, under that queer three-cornered hat +of hisen when he got it of Spain. + +But 'tennyrate he sold it in 1803 to our country, the writin's bein' +drawed up by Thomas Jefferson, namesake of our own Thomas Jefferson, +Josiah's child by his first wife. Napoleon, or I spoze it would sound +more respectful to call him Mr. Bonaparte, he wanted money bad, and he +didn't want England to git ahead, and so he sold it to us. + +He acted some as Miss Bobbett did when she sot up her niece, Mahala Hen, +in dressmakin' for fear Miss Henzy's girl would git all the custom and +git rich. She'd had words with Miss Henzy and wanted to bring down her +pride. And we bein' some like Miss Hen in sperit (she had had trouble +with Miss Henzy herself, and wuz dretful glad to have Mahala sot up), we +wuz more'n willin' to buy it of Mr. Bonaparte. You know he didn't like +England, he had had words with her, and almost come to hands and blows, +and it did come to that twelve years afterwards. + +But poor creeter! I never felt like makin' light of his reverses, for do +not we, poor mortals! have to face our Waterloo some time durin' our +lives, when we have fought the battle and lost, when the ground is +covered with slain Hopes, Ambition, Happiness, when the music is +stilled, the stringed instruments and drums broken to pieces, or givin' +out only wailin' accompaniments to the groans and cries of the dyin' +layin' low in the dust. + +We marched onward in the mornin' mebby with flyin' colors towards +Victory, with gaily flutterin' banners and glorious music. Then come the +Inevitable to crush us, and though we might not be doomed to a desert +island in body, yet our souls dwell there for quite a spell. + +Till mebby we learn to pick up what is left of value on the lost field, +try to mend the old instruments that never sound as they did before. Sew +with tremblin' fingers the rents in the old tattered banners which Hope +never carries agin with so high a head, and fall into the ranks and +march forward with slower, more weary steps and our sad eyes bent toward +the settin' sun. + +But to stop eppisodin' and resoom. I had hearn all about how it wuz +bought and how like every new discovery, or man or woman worth while, +the Purchase had to meet opposition and ridicule, though some prophetic +souls, like Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Livingstone and others, seemed to look +forward through the mists of the future and see fertile fields and +stately cities filled with crowds of prosperous citizens, where wuz then +almost impassable swamps and forests inhabited by whoopin' savages. + +And Mr. Bonaparte himself, let us not forgit in this proud year of +fulfilled hopes and achievement and progress how he always seemed to set +store by us and his words wuz prophetic of our nation's glorious +destiny. + +I had knowed all about this but Josiah seemed to delight to instruct me +as carefully as a mother would guide a prattlin' child jest beginnin' to +walk on its little feet. And some times I would resent it, and some +times when I wuz real good natured, for every human bein' no matter how +high principled, has ebbs and flows in their moral temperatures, some +times I would let him instruct me and take it meekly like a child +learnin' its A-B abs. + +But to resoom. Day by day Josiah's strange actions continued, and at +intervals growin' still more and more frequent and continuous he acted, +till at last the truth oozed out of him like water out of a tub that has +been filled too full, it wuz after an extra good meal that he confided +in me. + +He said the big celebration of the Louisana Purchase had set him to +thinkin' and he'd investigated his own private affairs and had +discovered important facts that had made him feel that he too must make +a celebration of the Purchase of the Allen Homestead. + +"On which we are now dwellin', Samantha," sez he. "Seventy-four acres +more or less runnin' up to a stake and back agin, to wit, as the paper +sez." + +Sez I, "You needn't talk like a lawyer to me, Josiah Allen, but tell me +plain as a man and a deacon what you mean." + +"Well, I'm tellin' you, hain't I, fast as I can? I've found out by my +own deep research (the tin trunk wuzn't more'n a foot deep but I didn't +throw the trunk in his face), I've discovered this remarkable fact that +this farm the very year of the Louisana Purchase came into the Allen +family by purchase. My great-great-grandfather, Hatevil Allen, bought it +of Ohbejoyful Gowdey, and the papers wuz signed the very day the other +momentous purchase wuz made. + +"There wuz fourteen children in the family of old Hatevil, jest as many +as there is States in the purchase they are celebratin' to St. Louis. + +"And another wonderful fact old Hatevil Allen paid jest the same amount +for this farm that our Government paid for the Louisiana Purchase." + +"Do you mean to tell me, Josiah, that Hatevil Allen paid fifteen +millions for this farm. Will you tell me that? You, a member of the +meetin' house and a deacon?" + +"Well, what you might call the same, it is the same figgers with the six +orts left out. Great-granther Allen paid fifteen dollars for this piece +of land, it wuz all woods then." + +"Another of these most remarkable series of incidents that have ever +took place on this continent, Thomas Jefferson wuz a main actor in the +Louisana Purchase. He has left this spear some years ago, and who, who +is the father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?" + +I didn't say nothin', for I wuz engrossed in my knittin', I wuz jest +turnin' the heel of his sock and needed my hull mind. + +"And," sez he, smitin' his breast agin, "I ask you, Samantha, who is the +father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?" + +I had by this time turned the heel and I sez, "Why, I spoze he's got the +same father now he always had, children don't change their fathers very +often as a general thing." + +"Well, you needn't be so grumpy about it. Don't you see that these +wonderful coincidences are enough to apall a light-minded person. Why, +I, even I with my cast iron strength of mind, have almost felt my brain +stagger and reel as I onraveled the momentous affair. + +"And I am plannin' a celebration, Samantha, that will hist up the name +of Allen where it ort to be onto the very top of Fame's towerin' pillow, +and keep it in everlastin' remembrance. + +"And I, Samantha," and here he smote himself agin in the breast, "I, +Josiah Allen, havin' exposed these circumstances, the most remarkable in +American history, I lay out to name my show the Exposition of Josiah +Allen. And I've thought some times that in order to mate mine with the +St. Louis show, as you may say, I'd mebby ort to call myself St. +Josiah." + +"Saint Josiah!" sez I, and my axent wuz that icy cold that he shivered +imperceptibly and added hastily, "Well, we will leave that to the future +to decide." + +"But," sez he firmly, spruntin' up agin, "if the nation calls on me to +name myself thus I shall respond, and expose myself at my Exposition as +Saint Josiah." + +Sez I anxiously, "I wouldn't expose myself too much, Josiah. You +remember the pa that took his weak-minded child to the ball, and told +him to set still and not speak or they would find him out. + +"And they asked him question after question and he didn't say a word, +and finally they begun to scoff at him and told him he wuz a fool, and +he called out, 'Father, father, they've found me out.'" + +Josiah sez snappishly, "What you mean by bringin' that old chestnut up I +cant see." + +"Well," sez I, "I shan't sew the moral on any tighter." But he kep' on +ignorin' my sarcastick allusion. + +"To keep up the train of almost miraclous incidents marchin' along +through the past connecting the St. Louis and the Allen Purchase like +historical twins, I'm goin' to spend on the Exposition of Josiah Allen +jest the amount paid for the other original purchase, and I may, for +there is no tellin' what a Allen may do when his blood is rousted up, I +may swing right out and pay jest the same amount St. Louis is payin' for +her Exposition." + +"Fifty millions!" sez I with emotions of or--or to think I had a pardner +that would tell such a gigantic falsehood, and instinctively I thought +of a story I'd hearn Thomas Jefferson tell the evenin' before. + +He said three commercial travelers wuz talkin' before an old man from +the country whose loose fittin' clothes were gently scattered with +hay-seed. The first one told with minute particulars of a Western +cyclone that had lifted a house and sot it down in a neighborin' +township. The next one said that he wuz knowin' to the circumstances and +how the cyclone swep back and brought the suller and sot it down under +the house. And the third one remembered vividly how the cyclone went +back the second time and brought the hole the suller left and +distributed it round under the new site. + +The old man listened with deep interest, and said he wuz glad he'd had +the privelige of hearin' 'em, for their talk had cleared up a Bible +verse he'd long pondered over. + +They wuz astounded to think their talk had awakened religious +meditations. But the old gentleman said their conversation had cleared +up that passage where it said: + +"Annanias come forth." + +He said it wuz now plain to him that it meant that these three drummers +should stand before Annanias, the Prince of Liars, he takin' his place +behind 'em, the fourth in the rank of liars. + +But this is neither here or there I only mention it as comin' into my +mind instinctively and onbeknown to myself as I hearn Josiah Allen's +remark, it came and went, as thoughts will, like a lightning flash, even +as I wuz repeatin' the words agin in wonderment and horrow. + +"Fifty million dollars!" + +"No, I said to you, Samantha, that in our conversation we would leave +out the orts, fifty dollars wuz what I meant. But as I said this is what +I've thought when my brain wuz fired with ambition and glory of histin' +the name of Allen up where it ort to be and will be. But when my blood +has quieted down and I took a dispassionate view of the affair I have +thought it would be more in keepin' with the old traditions of the Allen +family, to spend jest fifteen, I can do a noble job with Uncle Sime's +help and Ury's, with exactly the same sum that wuz paid for these +purchases." + +I see he wuz jest bound to ignore the millions. But I knowed it wouldn't +do any good to keep twittin' him of it. And then he went on to describe +more fully the Exposition of Josiah Allen that he'd been plottin' for +weeks and weeks. He said that he and uncle Sime had used up two hull +pads of writin' paper at a cost of five cents each, plannin' and +figurin'. But he didn't begrech the outlay, he said. He wuz layin' out +to have the lower paster used as a tentin' ground for the hull Allen +race, and the Gowdeys if he decided they wuz worthy to jine in, he +hadn't settled on that yet. The cow paster wuz to be used for +Equinomical and Agricultural displays and also Peaceful Industries and +Inventions, and the lane leadin' up to the barn from the lower paster he +laid out to use as a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin' quaits, +bull-in-the-barnyard, turnin' hand-springs and summer sets, etc., etc. + +Sez I coldly, "It would draw quite a crowd to see you and Deacon Gowdey +standin' on your two old bald heads turnin' a summer set." + +"Oh, I laid out to have younger people in such thrillin' seens, Ury and +others." And then he went on to describe at length his Peaceful Industry +Show. + +I couldn't sot still to hear it only I felt I wanted to know the worst +and cope with it as a surgeon probes to the quick in order to cure. + +He thought he could git Aunt Huldy Wood, who wove carpets, to set up her +loom for a few days under the big but-nut tree, and be weavin' there +before the crowds. He said she wuz a peaceful old critter and would show +off well in it. And Bildad Shoecraft, another good-natured creeter, he +could bring his shoe-making bench and be tappin' boots. He could not +only show off but make money at the same time, for he spozed that many a +boot would be wore down to the quick walkin' round viewin' the +attractions. And Blandina Teeter he spozed she could run my sewin' +machine under the sugar maple. And he thought mebby I would set out +under the slippery ellum makin' ginger cookies or fryin' nut-cakes, in +either capacity he said I wuz a study for an artist and would draw +crowds. + +"The wife of Josiah Allen fryin' nut-cakes, what a sound it would have +through the world." + +"No, Josiah," sez I, "I shan't try to fry nut-cakes in a open lot +without ingregients or fire." + +"Well, mebby you'd ruther be one of the attractions of the Pike, +Samantha. I hain't goin' to limit you to one thing. As the pardner of +the originator of this stupengous scheme you are entitled to respect. +There is where Napoleon, the other great actor in these twin dramas, +missed it, he didn't use his wife as he ort to. But jest see the +wonderful similarity in these cases. He had two step-children; the wife +of Josiah had two; I am smaller in statute than my wife; so wuz +Napoleon." + +"You spoke of your Peaceful Inventions, Josiah," sez I, wantin' to git +his mind off, for truly I begun to fairly feel sick to the stomach to +hear his talk about himself and the Great Conqueror. + +"Oh, yes, Samantha, that in itself will be worth double the price of +admission." + +"Then you expect to ask pay, Josiah?" + +"Certainly, why not? Do they not ask pay at the twin celebration? + +"But you spoke of inventions; I shall let the rest of the Allens show +off. Lots of 'em have invented things, but of course my inventions will +rank number one. There is my button on the suller door I cut it out of +an old boot leg. Who ever hearn of a leather button before, and it works +well if you don't want to fasten the door tight. Then there is that self +actin' hen-coop of mine that lets a stick fall down and shuts the door +when the hen walks up the ladder." + +"But no hen has ever clim the ladder yet, Josiah." + +"No, perhaps they hain't yet, but I'm expectin' to see 'em every day, +'tennyrate paint that coop a bright red and yaller and it will attract a +crowd. + +"And then there is that travelin' rat trap of brother Henzy's, you know +his grandmother wuz an Allen, I shall mayhap let him appear. And then +there is all my farmin' implements and the rest of the Allen's I lay out +to be just to all, and let 'em all come and show off in my Agricultural +show. + +"But of course there has got to be a head to it; Napoleon wuz the head +of the other Purchase, and I'm the head of this. In short, Samantha, I +am _It_." + +Oh, how full of pride and vain glory he wuz, and I knowed such feelin's +would have to be brung down for his spiritual good. I realized it as he +went on, + +"I tell you, Napoleon and I would have made a span, Samantha, if he +could been spared till now." + +Oh how shamed I wuz to hear such talk, but I sot demute for reasons +named, and he sez agin, "I thought mebby you would want to be one of the +attractions of the Pike, Samantha; I lay out to have livin' statutes +adornin' the side of the lane leadin' up from the beaver medder to the +horse trough." + +"Livin' statutes!" sez I, coldly, "I don't know what you mean by them." + +[Illustration] + +"Why, I thought for a few cents I could git a lot of children and old +folks to be white-washed for a day or two and pose as statutes. It would +be a new thing and a crackin' good idee, for livin' statutes that can +wink, and bow, and talk, and walk round some, I don't believe wuz ever +hearn on before." + +"No indeed," sez I, "but I can tell you, Josiah Allen, I've played many +strange parts in the role of life at your request, but I tell you once +for all I shall never, _never_ be whitewashed and set up for a statute, +you can set your mind to rest on that to once." + +"Mebby you'd ruther be a Historical Tabloo, Samantha; I lay out to have +beautiful ones, and I thought I wouldn't confine myself to the States, +but would branch out and have the foreign nations represented +figuratively. + +"A naval battle between Russia and Japan would draw; if I could fix some +floats on the creek my stun boat could represent Russia, and Deacon +Huffer's Japan, I jest as lives mine would be blowed up and sunk as not, +'tain't good for much. And if I did have that I would have the Russian +Bear set on the shore growlin', and the Powers furder back lookin' +pleasantly on. You might be a Power, Samantha, if you wuzn't a female." + +"No, thank you, Josiah, I don't hanker after the responsibility for good +or evil that ort to hang onto a Power." + +"I'd be the Russian Bear myself, Samantha, with our old buffalo robe, +only I've got everything else to do; I could grasp holt of things and +squeeze 'em tight and growl and paw first rate." + +"I wouldn't try to take that Russian Bear's job of graspin' and growlin' +and pawin' onto me, Josiah, if I wuz in your place; it would tucker +anybody out." + +"The Eagle of France," sez he dreamily, "could be represented in reduced +form, as artists say, by Solomon Bobbett's old Bramy rooster with some +claws tied on. And Scotland, the land knows there is thistles enough +along the cow path to represent her if they're handled right. And for +Ireland I might have two fellers fightin' with shelalays, Ury could make +the shelalays if he had a pattern." + +I knit away with a look of cold mockery on my face that I spose worried +him, for he sez, "I wish I could git you interested in my show, +Samantha. Mebby you'd want to represent Britanny scourin' the blue seas, +you always thought so much of the Widder Albert. You could enact it in +the creek where the water is shaller. You've got a long scrubbin' brush, +I always thought you looked some like Britanny, and you do scrub and +scour so beautiful, Samantha." + +"No, Josiah, you'll never git me into that scrape, not but what Britanny +may need help with her scrubbin' brush. But I shan't catch my death cold +makin' a fool of myself by tacklin' that job." + +"Oh, you could wear my rubber boots. But I shall not urge the matter, I +only thought we two countries are such clost friends and I wanted you to +have the foremost character, but I can probable git someone else to +enact it. But the strain is fearful on me, Samantha, to have everything +go on as it should." + +His looks wuz strange. I could see that he wuz all nerved up, and his +mind (what he had) wuz all wrought up to its highest tension; I knowed +what happened when the tension to my sewin' machine wuz drawed too +tight--it broke. And my machine wuz strong in comparison to some other +things I won't mention out of respect to my pardner. I felt that I must +be cautious and tread carefully if I would influence him for his good, +so I brought forth the argument that seldom failed with him, and sez I: + +"If I hadn't no other reason for jinin' in these doin's, cookin' has got +to be done and how can a statute or a Historical Tabloo bile potatoes +and brile steak and make yeast emptin's bread perked up on a pedestal or +posin' in the creek, and you know, Josiah, that no matter how fur +ambition or vain glory may lead a man, his appetite has got to be +squenched, and vittles has got to be cooked else how can he squench it." + +And to this old trustworthy weepon I held in all his different plans to +inviggle me into his preposterous idees and found it answered better +than reason or ridicule. But even this failed to break up his crazy +plan. His hull mind (what he had) wuz sot on it. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +I felt dretful and how I wuz goin' to break it up and git his mind off I +couldn't tell; I talked it over with the children. They wuz goin' to be +mortified to death by the idee if carried out and they told me in +confidence and the woodhouse kitchen, "It must be stopped!" + +And I sez, "How is it goin' to be stopped? I've handled every weepon I +know how to lay holt on. I've pompied him, cooked the very best of +vittles, argued with him, eppisoded, but all to no use, he's as sot as a +hen turkey on a brick bat, and I've got to the end of my chain." + +Sez Tirzah Ann, "Have you tried readin' historical novels to him?" + +"No," sez I, "I don't dast to be _too_ hash with him, your pa's health +hain't what it wuz, I dassent take too hash measures." + +Sez she, "Have you tried readin' poetry?" + +"Yes," sez I, "I have read Pollock's Course of Time most through to him, +and the biggest heft of 'Paradise Lost,' and I read the last named with +deep feelin', I can tell you." + +"Didn't it do any good?" + +"Not a mite," sez I. "He would choke me off in the soarinest passages to +boast about some crazy side-show at his Exposition." + +Tirzah Ann sithed and sez, "I don't know what can be done." + +Thomas J. is more practical and sez, "Can't you git his mind on some +work? Hain't there sunthin' that ort to be done round the farm? Or in +the house?" + +"Id'no," sez I. "He can't plow or reap in February or pick gooseberries +or wash sheep. But I know what ort to be done in the house, I tried my +best to git him at it in the fall, I do want a furnace and hot water +pipes put in to heat the house. We most freeze these cold days, and it +is too much for your pa when Ury is away to tend to the fires." + +"That's just the thing!" sez Thomas J., "get him interested in that and +he will forgit all about the Allen Exposition by the time it is done." + +But I sez in a discouraged way, "If I couldn't git him at it in the fall +Id'no how I'm goin' to now." + +"But it is worth tryin'," sez Thomas J., "for his scheme must be broke +up, and if you git your furnace in now it will be all ready for another +fall." + +"Well," sez I, "I can try." And so I begun that very night on a new +tact, or ruther the old tact in a new way, I told him how sot Thomas J. +wuz on our havin' a furnace and hot water pipes put in. + +Josiah thinks his eyes of his only son, and I see it kinder moved him, +but he wouldn't give his consent, and sez: + +"What do you want hot water pipes and a furnace for in the summer?" + +Sez I pintin' to the snowy fields, "Do you call this summer, Josiah? And +Thomas J. sez it will be so nice to have it all ready in the fall. And I +do wish, Josiah, you would hear to me." + +"Well, well, I am hearin' you, hain't I, and been hearin' for a year +back, I hain't deef as an adder!" And he jammed his hat down over his +ears and went to the barn. But there wuz a sort of a waverin' expression +to his linement that made me have hopes. + +Well, when I had, with the children's help and an enormous expenditure +of good vittles and eloquence, brought him round to the idee, I found I +had another trial worse than the first to contend with. Instead of +hirin' a first rate workman who knew his bizness, he wuz bound, on +account of cheapness, to hire a conceited creeter who thought he could +do anything better than anyone else could. + +He knew how to milk, Jabez Wind did, and how to clean stables, and +plough and hoe corn. But he felt he could do plumbin' better than them +who had handled plumbs for years. And when I see Josiah wuz sot on +hirin' him to do the job I felt dretful, for he wuz no more fit for it +than our brindle cow to do fine sewin', or our old steer to give music +lessons on the banjo. He wuz a creeter I never liked, always tryin' to +invent sunthin' and always failin. But Josiah insisted on havin' him +because he wuz so much cheaper. + +And I sez, "You'll sup sorrow yet, Josiah Allen, with your tendency to +save and scrimp. Jabez Wind don't know nothin' about such work; he +hain't got any shop or tools and I don't want him meddlin' round my +house. We want the rooms warmed good and we don't want a big noise and +racket, as I've hearn they make sometimes, I couldn't stand it with such +noise and cracklin' goin' on day and night." + +"Oh," sez Josiah, "that's one great beauty of Jabezeses invention, it is +perfectly noiseless, not a murmur or gurgle from one year's end to the +other, and so easy to tend. Jest twice a year, he sez, to put a pail of +water in the upper tank, two pails of water a year to insure summer +warmth, no dirt, no noise, not much like luggin' in wood from mornin' +till night, breakin' your back cuttin' and splittin' it and litterin' up +the house." + +The idee of the perfect stillness did tempt me, I so love comfort and +quiet, and also not havin' to sweep up after chips and kindlin' wood. +But yet how did we know these things wuz so? And agin I sez, "How do you +know he can do all this? He hain't got any tools." + +Sez Josiah, "He's got idees if he hain't got tools. A man can borry +tools, but he can't dicker for such idees as Jabez has got. See the +things he's undertook." + +Sez I, "Anybody can undertake things; his idees hain't made him rich or +famous. That air ship of hisen he wuz goin' to sail to Europe on, rared +up and spilt him in his uncle's back yard. And his automobile, when he +sot off on it and headed it for the road it backed up and took him down +that steep hill back of the barn into the creek, where it kep on +ploughin' up dirt and slate stuns till his uncle stopped it by main +force and lifted Jabez out from under it drippin' like a water rat. And +his machine for perpetual motion, his ma uses it now for clothes bars," +sez I. "What has he ever done to merit your encomiums?" + +"Well," sez he, "he's bound to succeed this time. His idees are some +like the hardware man's at Jonesville only Jabez'es are more deep and +not nigh so expensive." I never liked Jabez Wind and shouldn't if I'd +seen him settin' swingin' his legs off the very top of Fame's pillow. He +wuz oncongenial to me, made so from the beginin'. I never knew any +particular hurt of him, but he seemed so much like his own sir name, so +puffed up and onsubstantial. He wuz middlin' well off to start with, or +his ma wuz, but he had used up all her property in his different +enterprises. + +Now I dote on inventors, they wear a halo in my partial eyes. They're +the greatest men of our day, and I mentally kneel at their feet, but +gold always has counterfeits. The real inventor, made by the Deity to +carry out his plans, is modest, silent, broodin' over his great secrets, +away from the multitude where angels minister to him. But Jabez wuz +loud, boastin', arrogant, his pert impudent face proclaimin' the great +things he wuz goin' to do, but never did. He wuz in love, too, or what +he called love, with a girl that wuz a prime favorite of mine, sweet +little Rosamond Nickleson, she and I wuz such great friends she often +used to come and stay a week at a time with me. + +When Jabez Wind came to Jonesville, Rosy wuz about the same as engaged +to a good sensible young farmer, Royal Nelson, who lived three milds +above Jonesville on the old stage road. He wuz a stiddy, likely young +man, who owned a nice farm well stocked, wuz good lookin', good +appearin', but ruther bashful and retirin', which made him some times in +company a little awkwud in his manners, and most offish where he wanted +to please most. But he had a good mind, and his heart wuz pure gold, and +he loved Rosy with the deep earnest love, such undemonstrative men often +cherish for the one woman in the world for them. His calm gray eyes +would light up with the pure light of deathless love when they rested on +the sweet face of little Rosy. And he wuz always tryin' to help her in +some way, lookin' out for her interest, he seemed to love to protect and +wait on her in a way that argued well for the future, but mebby it wuz +this constant and almost slavish devotion that made her slight him, she +had got so used to his stiddy love that she didn't appreciate it as +she'd ort to. + +He had paid attention to Rosy for most three years. I thought mebby he +wuz such a manly chap he didn't want to hurry her, she wuz so young, but +everybody spozed they wuz as good as engaged when Jabez Wind come to +Jonesville to live with his uncle, old Kellup Wind. He lost his wife, +and Miss Wind, his brother's widder, come to keep house for him and +brung Jabez with her. I hurn it wuz the bargain she wuz to have two +dollars a week and Jabez'es board. That showed me what he wuz, a young +man twenty-five years old hangin' on to his mother's apron strings to +support him, or ruther hangin' onto her hard workin' fingers, she wuz a +good housekeeper. + +Well, Jabez made such a splurge in the social pool of Jonesville +society, he made such florid eloquent boasts of the wonderful things he +wuz goin' to do in the near future; his clothes wuz so showy, and his +looks so showy (shaller I called it), with beady shiny black eyes, red +cheeks, mustache and whiskers naturally red like his hair, but dyed +black, and he played the fiddle so sweet, the girls said, and he sung +comic songs so bea-eu-ti-ful, and he danced so light that he become a +general favorite in Jonesville society and the girls all seemed to seek +after him. But from the first he singled out Rosy as the object of his +special patronizin' affection. She wuz well off, her pa left her a good +property in money besides bein' so pretty and good herself. + +And she, girls are so queer, the best of 'em, from the very fact that +his affection wuz so patronizin' and down stoopin' to her, and kinder +oncertain, for onlike Royal he would have spells of slightin' her and +waitin' on other girls, why mebby for this very reason she seemed to be +carried some distance away with him, and believed all his grand idees +and looked forward to the realization of his stupendious schemes, high +soundin' schemes, which had took him no furder than the middle of the +creek and his uncle's back yard. + +His uncle didn't believe in him no more than I did, but stood it with +him on account of Karen, bein' a man that loved domestic comfort, and +havin' lived in dirt, on pan-cakes and canned meats durin' different +rains of incompetence materialized in hired girl form, before Karen +come. But Karen worshipped Jabez, his highest mounts of future eminence +seemed too low for his footstool in her adorin' eyes, somehow the very +loftiness of his airs to her, his own mother who supported him and +bought his clothes, seemed to render him more precious in her eyes. +Wimmen are queer, queer as dogs. + +Well, Jabez knew I wuz onwillin' to have him tackle the job of warmin' +our house with his new water pipe invention, because I had spoke my mind +about it when he and Karen had been over to spend the evenin', and Karen +come over the next mornin' ostensibly to borry a cup of molasses, she +wuz lookin' wore out, she'd worked so hard the day before, doin' a big +washin' and bringin' the water from the creek, and I sez, "Why didn't +Jabez bring it for you?" + +"Oh, he wuz so busy with his inventions I couldn't bear to disturb him," +sez she, holdin' her hand to her achin' side, "my son is the greatest +genius in the world and folks will admit it yet, he's a young man of a +thousand." + +Sez I, "I should think more on him, Karen, if he should go to work and +take care of you instead of you at your age workin' so hard to take care +of him." + +She married when she wuz quite well along in years and wuz gittin' old +now and hadn't ort to work so hard. But her pale face lit up, "Oh, he +will take care of me luxuriously when he's completed some of his +inventions." + +"But," sez I pityin'ly, "you know they hain't worked yet, any on 'em. +You hung your washin' yesterday on the remains of his Perpetual Motion, +and his motor carriage bein' dug up from the creek, his uncle uses it as +a hen coop." + +"Oh, but they will be successful, they will." + +"I hope so, but I feel it my duty to tell you that I feel dubersome +about it, dretful dubersome." + +"But," sez she, "the New Perpetually Gushing Hot Water Tank is goin' to +make us independently rich. He's takin' the plans now of Luman Heath's +kitchen stove and riggin' up the machinery; Luman is to pay him +lavishly, you know Luman's wife is my own cousin." + +I see how it wuz, Karen's friends, to please her, wuz willin' to offer +up their sure comforts and solid foundations as a sacrifice on the altar +of friendship and the thought come over me, mebby I'd ort to. But it did +seem as if I couldn't. + +Sez Karen, "If it is a success at cousin Luman's, as it is dead sure to +be, Jabez is goin' to take it to the St. Louis Exposition." + +"He thinks the foreign powers will want to treat with him for it. But I +told him I would ruther he would let our Government have it. But +'tennyrate he won't let the Powers git the better of him in the contract +and control it and enrich themselves at his expense. He will get his +onparelled idees patented before he takes it to St. Louis, it wouldn't +be safe not to. I spoze the papers will be full of it." + +Such talk didn't seem to move me a mite, but it impressed Josiah +dretfully and he sez, "I shall have this new invention stand next to my +hen coop at the Exposition of St. Josiah." + +I shuddered and turned the subject round quick as I could. Well, Karen +labored with me over two hours, dwellin' in particular on the perfect +stillness of the heatin' apparatus, and agin as before that thought +tempted me awfully, for I'd hearn the cracklin' snappin' sounds that +sometimes comes from steam heat and dreaded to have it reproduced in my +home, and seein' my looks Karen amplified on the idee, How sweet it +would be in December to set down in a rockin' chair in the still warmth +of a day in July and go through the winter in that luxurious lovely way. +She talked till she had to go home almost on the run, for she said +Jabez'es mind worked so hard it exhausted his body completely so she had +to have the most nourishin' food ready for him at the very minute or he +would break right down. But to the last she praised up Jabez'es work. +But I wouldn't say a encouragin' word furder than this, "I feel +dubersome about it, Karen, dretful dubersome." + +That afternoon Rosy come over to stay all night, and she too tackled me +on the subject. He had asked her to, always hangin' onto some woman for +help. But with her too I used the same tick-tacks I had with Karen, I +said mildly after each modest plea for his great genius, and how well he +would do the work, "I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome." + +Then she, too, sweetly spoke of the summer warmth, and the entire +absence of noise, and agin that thought tempted me, but I sez, "How do +you know, Rosy, that it will be entirely noiseless?" + +"Oh, I know it will, Jabez sez so. He is sure to succeed, and it will +help him so to have your influence, he expects to publish a book of the +greater eulogies from noted people on this new invention, and he intends +to have your name head the list. When you say this perfectly noiseless +machine heats your house too warm in the coldest weather, what a help it +will be to him, and your name will be first," she repeated agin. + +"He'd better have the President and Cabinet come first," sez I dryly, +dry as a chip in dog days. + +"No, he spoke about that, but thought he would have them come next to +yours, and I approved of it," sez she affectionately, "and so did his +ma. + +"He will git out the book as soon as he comes home from the St. Louis +Exposition with all the big eulogies he gits there on his inventions." + +I groaned to myself and got up quick and went into the buttery and took +a drink of cold water, I felt so kinder sickish. Well at modest +intervals she would politely and gently tackle me about it, at the table +and while she wuz washin' dishes, but I held firm, though very +considerate and tender to her. I mogulated my axent low and gentle and +looked mild at her over my specs, as I washed and she wiped, but my +words wuz ever the same. + +"I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome." + +At last Josiah's temper riz up and he vowed he wouldn't dally any +longer, sez he, "I earned this money by the sweat of my brow and I'm +goin' to use it as I'm a minter, and I'm a minter have these water pipes +put in by Jabez Wind." (He got the money by sellin' a colt, Id'no as +there wuz any great sweat about it). + +But he wuz bound to have it done, and he did. And for reasons named I +dassent cross him too fur and put my foot right down on the plan. And +the children sez, "Better anything, mother, than his celebration. If he +don't tear the house down over your head let him go on." (_Let him_! I +guess I _had_ to let him.) + +Jabez come on with all his riggin'. He'd borrowed tools of the hardware +man at Zoar, another of Karen's cousins, and obtained the furnace and +pipes on credit, I spozed. + +I made all the preparations I could in case of disaster. Took up the +carpets in that part of the house, took down the curtains and moved the +furniture, used all the precautions I could to escape with life and limb +if possible, and insure the safety of my dear but misguided pardner, and +then I sot down in the parlor bedroom, the furthest I could git without +goin' upstairs, and let the tide of events sweep by me or sweep me away, +and I didn't know which it would be. I had to be downstairs anyway, for +(though Philury helped), I had to stand with my hand on the hellum, so +to speak, and see to everything. What made it worse, too, it come on the +coldest snap we'd had all winter. + +Well, one of the main arguments by Jabez and Josiah wuz the speed with +which this work wuz to be accomplished. The hull thing wuz to be done +and we settin' down fannin' ourselves inside of three days, but for over +four weeks our house wuz a perfect pandemonium of noise and confusion. + +Iron pipes lay round in every direction, screws and vises, nuts and +hammers, wrenches and irons of all shapes and descriptions strewed the +house from top to bottom, and ashes, dirt and dust wuz rampant, and +Jabez rennin' up and down stairs, to and fro, talkin' loud about what a +success he wuz makin' of it and how everything wuz workin' jest as he +wanted it to, and boasted in particular every time he come acrost me, +ashakin' with the cold, how perfectly still and noiseless it wuz goin' +to be, and how luxurious and almost enervatin' would be the warmth. And +I sez, rubbin' my cold hands and pullin' my heavy woolen shawl closter +round me, "It would be a little different than it is now if it wuz +still, or if it wuz warm." And agin I shivered in the frigid air and +sez: + +"You guaranteed we wouldn't be torn up here over three days, and it wuz +four weeks yesterday." + +"That is because I have took such extra precautions to have it perfectly +noiseless. Never," sez he impressively, "from one year's end to the +other will you ever hear a sound from that apparatus, not the least +murmur or echo of a sound." + +"Well, I hope not," sez I, "and I hope to gracious it will be finished +some time, for I'm most freezin' and Josiah is takin' cold, as I can +see." + +"No I hain't nuther," sez Josiah, his voice soundin' real wheezy and +husky out from under his heavy wool comforter. + +Sez I, "You be cold, Josiah Allen, your nose is blue this minute." + +"Well, what if it is! I always liked that color anyway, I'd ruther have +it blue that red as madder," sez he glancin' at my most prominent +feature. + +Sez I, "It is the bitter cold that has turned our noses, Josiah Allen, +and when is it goin' to end?" + +"It is going to end to-morrow mornin', at seven A.M. we start the fire, +and then," sez he proudly, "I will set down in perfect summer heat, calm +and happy, and you, too." For I spoze my oncomplainin' misery appealed +to his latent manhood; and it had been latent in him for some time. But +he wuz driv most beyend his strength, and the cold wuz almost Klondikey, +I could make allowance for him. Well, the next day passed, and the next +and the next, and finally, jest four weeks and four days after he had +guaranteed to have it finished, Jabez hautily announced, and Josiah +proudly proclaimed, a fire could be started. Karen wanted to be with us +in the first trial of the heat, so she appeared on the seen, so +triumphant and overjoyed it fairly made her worn haggard face look +considerable brighter. + +Rosy had come to spend the day and stay all night, invited by Karen to +witness her son's triumph. But I onbeknown to anybody, feelin' I needed +a strong arm and cool brain to depend on, had beset Royal Nelson to come +and stand by me that day and night, I didn't say Rosy wuz to be there +for fear he wouldn't come, for I could see by his white cheeks and sad, +yet cool lookin' eyes, that he'd about gin her up. He said to once that +he would come, and his sad eyes kinder laughed as he added, "I will +stand by you in your affliction." + +Well, Jabez, with his face gay and joyous and his tongue waggin', +weighted down with big, boastful words, headed the procession down +suller; Josiah and Ury filled up the furnace and built the fire, Jabez +seemin'ly willin' they should do the work, he's so lazy. Rosy, Karen and +I remained upstairs, Philury and I tryin' to mop and sweep up some of +the dirt, and before long I hearn a buggy drive up, and see it wuz Royal +Nelson, and in a few minutes he come in lookin' solid and reliable as +ever. + +Well, the upper tank had been filled, and at the welcome news the fire +wuz beginnin' to burn bright we all went upstairs watchin' to see the +grateful heat come up, and some of our hands wuz on the pipes every +minute, when a low hollow rumblin' wuz hearn down in the suller, growin' +louder and louder every minute till it got to be perfectly terrific, and +Jabez run down there, his coat tails almost layin' level in his haste, +and Josiah most fallin' over him, and Royal follerin' on more tranquil +lookin' but excited all through I could see. + +Ury stayed by us a spell, but as the deep hollow noise strengthened to a +loud roar, accompanied by a strange rushin', gurglin' sound, comin' +nearer and nearer, he seized Philury by the arm and rushed her outdoors +through the snow, not stoppin' till they got to the barn, then he leggo +of her and stood in the barn door to reconnoiter. It wuz a awful and +skairful seen. I couldn't blame Ury, but like Sara of old, I felt that I +must stay by my stuff, and Rosy and Karen hung to each other, and both +hung onto me, all on us tremblin' like three popple leaves. + +Finally, jest as the three men come hurryin' back into the room to +rescue or die with us I spoze, the boilin' water gin a louder, angrier +roar, and riz up out of the tank three feet into the air and poured and +steamed and deluged all over the floor. Well wuz it I took up the +carpet. But Josiah Allen, to prove he feared no danger, had insisted on +leavin' the dressin' gown he worshipped hangin' up in the clothes press +where the tank wuz. Alas! alas! as he brung it out drippin' and steamin' +from the fiery bath, where wuz the once gay colors? Them tossels and red +palm leaves on yeller ground that had so lately been the light of his +eyes and desire of his heart? Who could tell which wuz palm leaves and +which wuz yeller ground? And as for the red tossels, their glory had +departed forever. Josiah groaned aloud as he bore it out leavin' a +watery wake of red and yeller all the way to the kitchen, where I +follered him and told him, so strong is woman's love in the hour of +trouble, "Dear Josiah, I am sorry for you, but I told you jest how it +would be." + +He dashed it onto the floor and hollered out, "You didn't tell me +nothin' about it! you never said the word dressin' gown! and I'd like to +know what you're sorry about, it is nothin', only a valve has bust or +sunthin'." + +"Yes," sez I sadly, "I guess it is a sunthin'." Here he kicked aginst +the suller door so hard one of the panels has been shaky to this day, +and run down there, Jabez follerin' him, while I seized a dipper and a +twelve quart pail and hurried up to the flooded deestrick, which we +commenced to bail out like a sinkin' boat, Royal, Karen and Rosy helpin' +me, and Ury havin' his first fears squenched by the overflow of water +(which he expected he said would blow off the hull ruff and top story of +the house), he and Philury laid to and helped. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Well, Jabez said it wuz the sudden change from cold to hot water that +had caused the overflow, so we put the biler on the kitchen stove and +the caldron kettle in the woodhouse, and het water bilin' hot and filled +the empty tank, Josiah groanin' loud as he lugged it up and sayin' when +he thought I didn't hear him, "Oh, gracious Heavens! is this two pails a +year?" + +Then we all gathered in the front chamber agin watchin' events to come, +Jabez boastin' louder than ever how like a charm it would work, and +Karen opholdin' him. But Josiah looked anxious as I could see. When agin +that loud angry roar begun in the suller, and agin Ury ketched Philury +round the waist, for she wanted to stand her ground, but he yanked her +down stairs and half way acrost the back yard. He loves her dearly and +thinks it a man's place to protect his pardner. He didn't go so fur this +time, but had almost onbeknown to himself sought safety for his dear +Philury in flight. + +Agin Jabez and Josiah and Royal rushed down suller. The dretful roar +ended in a higher more steaminer volume of water than before, agin we +laid to and bailed it out, our ranks bein' reinforced anon by the +returnin' Ury and Philury, and anon furder by Josiah, Royal, and Jabez. +Jabez didn't boast quite so loud now, and I wuz glad to see that Rosy +kinder cuddled up closter to Royal as she wielded the dipper, as if she +thought him a refuge in time of storm. + +Well, from that time, about three in the afternoon, till ten P.M. the +programmy wuz stidy over and over. Fillin' the tank, low snortin' and +rushin' of the waters up and down, chasin' along the pipes in every +room, hammerin', kickin', shootin', like enraged artillery, at last +thundering like the most skairful clap of thunder and then with a +fearful roar the volume of water would mount up and pour into the spare +room and drizzle down into the settin' room below, takin' off the +plasterin' in spite of our very best efforts to bail it out. Over and +over agin wuz the wearisome and soul tuckerin' job carried out, varied +every time by Ury ketchin' Philury and fleein' with her, but the +distance shortened every time, till at last he fled with her no furder +than the top of the kitchen stairs. Karen's horrow struck, mortified +looks, Jabez'es entire absence of boastin', which in itself wuz dog +queer, and Rosy's instinctive turning to Royal for protection, which wuz +gladly granted. + +Over and over the seen wuz enacted, Jabez every time turnin' some screw +or valve or sunthin' and prophesyin' every time it would go right the +next time, but said it with feathers droopin', so to speak, more humble +like and doubtful. My poor pardner as he lugged up two heavy pails of +water at half-past nine P.M., I hearn him say: + +"Oh, gracious, Peter! is this two pails a year? This makes more'n a +hundred pails I've carried up to-night myself besides Ury's and +Jabezs'es." It wuzn't so, he hadn't carried up more'n thirty or forty +twelve quart pails. But yet I pitied him. Well, that also thundered and +deluged and guyzered out onto the floor accompanied by the drips and +drizzles into the settin' room, Ury's flight with Philury, Karen's +mourns, and Josiah's groans, for he had lost his pride and openly +groaned and jawed at Jabez and sez to him: + +"You dum fool you! you don't know beans from a broom stick! I wouldn't +trust you to make splinters to do up a dog's leg!" And Jabez jawed back +again, and Josiah sez, "I'll make you pay heavy damages for this job, +and I've as good a mind as I ever had to eat, to give you a good +floggin' with a rawhide." And as he grew madder and madder he went on: + +"This is your perfectly noiseless apparatus is it?" sez he pintin' down +towards the thunderin' roar, "this is your summer heat, hain't it?" +pintin' to the shiverin' crowd. "This is your freedom from +labor-two-pails-a-year job! one hundred pails of water have I lugged +upstairs to-night if I have a pint! Now," sez he, makin' towards him, +"do you start out of this house before I fall on you and rend you." +Karen screamed and rushed between 'em and fell onto Jabez and dragged +him off with her, he seemin' glad to go. + +Well, we let the fire go down as low as we could without goin' out, and +went to bed shiverin' and half froze, but with soap stuns and hot-water +bags we made out to git through the night. In the mornin' a sorry seen +greeted us, coldness, discomfort, broken plasterin' and dirt, and no +prospect to all appearance of havin' any better times. The only gleam of +light I could see in the hull prospect wuz that Josiah in his excitement +and wretchedness had seemin'ly forgot that he'd ever mentioned the +Exposition of St. Josiah. + +Well, right after breakfast Karen come over lookin' as if she hadn't +slep' a wink and sez she, "Jabez lay awake all night studyin' on it and +he knows now where he made the mistake, he pinted one small lead pipe up +where it ort to been pinted down, he can make it all right in an hour." + +Well, Josiah, so sure it is that the hottest love soonest cools, vowed +that Jabez should never step his foot into the house agin. And I wuz +glad enough to see that Rosy agreed with him. + +But I wuz naterally made more megum, and thought, any port in a storm, +and a hour won't be much anyway. If we've stood all this dirt and +confusion for five weeks we could stand it a hour longer. + +"Well," sez Josiah, "I shall go into the woods for a jag of maple, I +won't see him, I dassent, for I should fall on him and destroy him if I +did." + +So he went after a load of maple wood and Jabez come and tinkered and +hammered and pounded and then sayin' with some of his pride returned +into his port: + +"It will go now like clock work." + +He filled the tank and lit the fire agin with Ury's help. But I wuz glad +enough that Josiah wuz absent, for this time the noise wuz so skairful +that when Ury ketched Philury round the waist and absconded with her, he +didn't stop till they had ploughed through the snow clear past the old +hen house. + +I, too, ketched Rosy by the arm and run and stumbled along most to the +barn before I remembered myself and regained my faculties, so to speak, +it wuz so turrible this time the loud, angry, roarin', hissin' noise. + +Karen nobly stood by Jabez, who I must say stood by his job in that +respect, but I guess they went out into the hall, I thought I ketched a +glimpse of 'em, as I havin' regained my faculty, run in. We got in jest +after the deluge poured out agin, higher, louder and more steaminer than +ever, and when what few scraps of plaster remained on the settin' room +had fell victims to the bilin' flood. Well, we let the fire go down agin +and cowered over the kitchen stove that day, and agin went shiverin' to +bed. That night the weather moderated, and with a low fire in the +furnace, and the heat from the kitchen stove, we kep' middlin' warm. We +cleaned up the plaster, mopped the floor and wuz comparitively +comfortable for three days. The fourth night the fire in the furnace riz +up onbeknown to us in the night, and the first we knew we wuz waked up +by what we thought a loud clap of thunder overhead, accompanied by a +loud roar, and shakin' of the walls, and Josiah started up in bed and +sez, "Is the house struck, Samantha? Who ever heard of thunder at this +time of year? Or is it a earthquake?" + +But I gittin' holt of my conscientiousness quicker than he did, sez, +"Josiah Allen, it is that heatin' apparatus." And to confirm my words we +hearn the angry loud roar and the water splurgin' out over our heads and +drizzlin' down through the laths in the next room. Even as I spoke Rosy +come down stairs in her pretty pink wrapper, and sez she half asleep, +but wholly afraid, "Oh, Aunt Samantha, I do wish Royal was here! what a +fearful time!" sez she. + +And if you'll believe it, so onselfish is a woman's heart, even in the +midst of her deepest tribulations, and so kinder sentimental, her words +sent a faint ray of joy over my heart, some like the pale light of a +star shinin' out over a wild western tornado. But before I could reply +Ury come runnin' down stairs holdin' Philury, faithful critter that he +wuz, and Josiah yelled at him: "Do you go over to Kellup Wind's and +bring that cussed fool over here, and if he don't take out that +invention of his under ten minutes I will have the law on him, and whip +him within an inch of his life!" + +It wuz half-past three and we all got up, and I got breakfast by lamp +light. Ury come back and said Jabez had been studyin' for the hull of +the last three days and said he wuz absolutely sure now he knew what +ailed it, it wuz the little piece of pipe that led to the tank, it wuz +set in the wrong place, it would take about twenty minutes to fix it so +it would be entirely right. Josiah hollered out, "Be we goin' to be used +by that dum fool to try his experiments on? Let him take it out or I +will take it out and throw it at him!" + +But Karen had writ a note to me, pleadin' with me as a sister in the +meetin' house, to let Jabez have this sole chance, and I showed this +note to Josiah and sez, "For Karen's sake mebby we'd better let him try +it." + +"For Karen's sake!" he yelled out, "why should we pompey her? It is all +_her_ fault. What did she let him live for when he wuz a babe? She is to +the bottom of it, if it hadn't been for her lettin' him live we +shouldn't be in this state, up at midnight, hungry as bears, cold as +frogs, and our house a wreck!" + +But how true it is the noisest grief is soonest squenched. At last he +gin in and Jabez attacked it agin, and tinkered and puttered at it all +day, I watchin' Josiah clost for fear he would surround Jabez and fall +on him and demolish him in his anger. But all the difference his work +made it seemed as if the noise wuz a little louder and the flood more +tumultious and rushin' if it could be tumultiouser and rushiner. And by +my advice Jabez fled out of the suller door and streaked it for home +cross lots, for I feared that my beloved pardner might be led by his +righteous wrath, even into salt and buttery. + +Jest as Jabez streaked it home, I watchin' him from the buttery window +and also keepin' my pardner at bey in the milk room, I see a buggy drive +into the yard, and wuz I not glad to see the manly form and calm quiet +face of Royal Nelson. After he drove his handsome span of grays into the +horse barn he come in and I see his linement looked considerable +brighter and happier, brightenin' still more as he met Rosy's sweet +smiles and cordial words. + +She wuz sick of Jabez, sick as lobely could make her. And her old love +and leanin' on Royal Nelson had come back in full force. Her fancy for +Jabez had been light and transitory as his sir-name. And as I see their +happy means as they met, I felt that even the wreck and ruin about us +wuz mebby not too dear a price to pay for their future happiness. The +first thing Royal and Ury did, Josiah helpin' 'em, wuz to take out the +furnace and pipes, the hull caboodle on 'em, and then went over to +Jonesville and bought a new furnace and got a good responsible man to +put it in that very day. They telephoned to that hardware man to Zoar to +come and take away the remains of that invention, and how he settled +with Jabez I never knew, for Karen hushed it up, but I know there is a +coldness between 'em and they don't speak. + +Well, the places all bein' made in the walls, and this man bein' a good +workman, who had learnt his trade, that night about eight P.M. the hull +job wuz done, and stillness and genial warmth made the place seem almost +like Heaven compared to what it had been. The next day a man come and +plastered overhead, Ury and Philury helped clean the floors and put down +the carpets, and in three day's time everything wuz happy and calm and +quiet, and Josiah wuz beginnin' to recover from the effects of too +voylent wrath upon his nerve. + +Our noses had regained their natural color, and on the third day Rosy +with a last warm kiss and sweet smile on me and visey versey went home, +Royal carryin' her in his new covered buggy, drawed by them two handsome +gray horses. They wuz engaged, and their plans all made, they wuz to be +married in the summer and go to the St. Louis Exposition on their +weddin' tower. + +And I thought, as I see 'em drive off, happy as a king and queen in the +bright moonlight, how true it is our brightest joys often come through +darkest tribulations. Rosy's and Royal's happiness wuz enough in itself +to pay me abundantly for my tribulations. And then my settin' room new +plastered and Josiah would never consented to tear it off, and it wuz +lumpy and streaked and broken, and here it wuz new plastered over smooth +as glass. + +Oh! thinkses I how thankful I ort to be and how I ort to forgit the +troubles of the night in the joys of the mornin'. + +And crownin' blessin' of all Josiah had seemin'ly forgot all about the +Exposition of Josiah Allen. He hadn't mentioned it for days and the +children and I wuz full of hope, it wuz broke up. But, alas! in this +world how little you can tell what is broke and what hain't. + +And the news Josiah brung home, what comfort there wuz in the thought--I +like Karen and felt to rejoice with her. It seemed that Luman Heath, not +havin' heard of our afflictions, had let Jabez go on with his work the +very next day after he finished here. And the Perpetually Gushing Hot +Water Tank wuz the death blow to Jabez Wind's inventive ambition, and +alas! proved almost the death blow to Luman Heath's beloved ones, the +hull family circle on 'em. + +He attached it to the kitchen stove, which wuz a perfect steamer to burn +and heat up. And fixed it so that instead of the hot water goin' acrost +the room to the kitchen sink as he meant to have it, it jest squirted +right up into the air bilin' hot, so they had a perfect fiery geyser +there in their kitchen. Jabez run for his life, it had hit him in the +face. + +They wuz Methodist folks with lots of children well brung up and they +never thought of havin' such doin's in their house, but the bilin' +crater pourin' down hot water come so sudden and onexpected onto 'em +that three of the little children wuz scalded most to-death as they sot +on the floor readin' Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress." And Luman, +bald-headed, too, the fiery flood descended onto him while he wuz tryin' +to bear his wife, who fell into hystericks, into the settin' room, he +wuz hit on top by the bilin' torrent and blistered right on his bare +head as big as your hand. + +He laid his wife down half faintin', told the screamin' children to look +out for her and keep out of the kitchen, hollered for the hired man to +go after a doctor, and fell back into a kind of spazzum. He bein' a good +man who wouldn't swear, or rare round kep in his feelin's more. The +children got over it before he did, bad as they wuz scalded, they +screamed and yelled and let off considerable steam that way. But he wuz +bed sick for weeks holdin' onto his wrath and bein' too good to jaw and +kick Jabez, the doctor said made it worse than if he had kicked some. + +But to resoom backwards. The hired girl wuz the coolest of any of 'em, +she went into the kitchen with a waterproof and umbrella, and tried to +turn the nozzle of the Perpetual Gushing Hot Water Tank out-doors, and +havin' to use both hands, and bein' smart and quick witted, she put the +coal scuttle on bottom side up, and though blinded by it and some +scalded, she made out to turn the fury of it out through the kitchen +winder where it steamed and squirted and poured out bilin' water onto +the flower beds and acrost 'em into the road, scaldin' passers by, and +bein' a perfect horrow and mystery to 'em. It wuz big and powerful, +there hain't no doubt of that. + +Well, owin' to the hired girl's courage, by the time the doctor got +there the tank wuz emptied, and the torrent had subsided into a drizzle. +Luman Heath didn't prosecute Jabez, bein' such a good man, and how I +honor him for it, how I honor him for not actin' and swearin'. The +doctor may say what he wants to, he wuz noble to bear it as he did. I +have seen kickin' and actin' in times of trial, and how I honor a man +who can refrain, and he got well as quick, I believe, as though he had +acted. + +But as I wuz sayin' the greatest relief that come to the community from +our trials wuz as follers. Take it with his doin's at our house and +Luman Heath's, Jabez Wind had evidently had enough of inventions. He +hired out for a year the very next day after the eppisode, to work for +twenty dollars a month on a farm, house rent, wood, and cow furnished. +Kellup Wind is goin' to live with a daughter, and Karen is blissful at +thought of keepin' house for Jabez. Good creeter! I hope she will have a +little rest now. I said I meant to go and see her jest as soon as she +wuz settled. + +Well, for two days my feelin's of joy and thankfulness wuz onclouded. +But alas, poor mortals! that plant the flowers of their happiness on +earthly sile, they must see 'em wither before their face and eyes anon +or oftener like Jonah's gourd. + +The third day, whilst I wuz settin' happy and calm in my frame in my +warm peaceful settin' room often liftin' my eyes contentedly to the +satin smooth ceilin'. + +What wuz my emotions of grief and horrow to see Josiah rise up, haul out +his tin trunk where he'd carefuly stored away the plans of the St. +Josiah Exposition, and go to studyin' 'em agin with renewed vigor, +sayin': + +"I hope to gracious I can have my mind clear now to go on and plan my +Exposition; this dum work has set me back turribly." + +I let my work fall into my lap and gin vent to some sithes, so deep they +wuz almost groans, whilst the bitter waters of disappintment trickled +over my hopes and drownded 'em out. Had I got to go through another +siege of argument and persuasion and extra vittles? Could my too hard +worked oratory hold out, and also my provisions? + +I see the children next day and told 'em how it wuz, that their Pa +seemed more sot on his plan than ever, and talked more excited and +earnest about it than I had ever seen him. For it did seem as if his +deep ambitions dammed up for a time by furnaces and Jabezeses, had broke +loose into a wider, deeper current than ever. He talked incessantly +about it day and night, laid on his plans, and reached out onto new +ones. + +The children sez to me agin: "Mother, it must be stopped at all +hazards!" + +And agin I wep', and sez to 'em: "How can it be stopped?" + +Tirzah Ann looked completely squelched and could do nothin' only weakly +ask: "If I spozed I could git him to play on a accordeon, she kinder +thought that some time she'd hearn of some man, somewhere havin' his +mind soothed by one." + +"Accordeon!" sez I. "You couldn't git his mind offen that plan if you +gin him one of the golden harps we read about." + +Tirzah Ann subsided, only sayin': "We would all be the town's talk, and +it would probable kill her with mortification." + +Thomas J. sot still with his brow knit in deep thought and sez "I will +try one thing more." + +I never knew exactly how Thomas J. worked it, or what he paid 'em, but I +know that a day or two after, the prices them livin' statutes asked +Josiah for bein' whitewashed, wuz sunthin' perfectly exorbitant, and so +with the Powers and the Peaceful Inventors. He never could stood it with +his closeness. + +Thomas J. didn't appear outwardly, but wuz the power behind the thrones, +so I spoze. When Josiah wuz taxed with these fearful expenses (they writ +it in letters to him) his plan tottled ready to fall. And of course I +stood ready and follered it up with eloquent arguments, tenderness and +the very best of vittles. Neither on 'em could carried the day alone, +but all together conquered. He gin in. The plan tottered over and fell +onto him, and my pardner, to continue the metafor, lay under the ruins +as squshed and mute as if he wuz never goin' to git up agin. + +But when his wild emotions of ambition and vanity and display wuz all +broke up a settled melancholy hovered down onto him and draped him like +a black mantilly. He seemed all onstrung, and all my efforts to string +him up agin seemed vain. + +I strove to hide my apprehensions under a holler veil of calmness and +even hilarity; I give him catnip with a smile on my lip but deep +forebodin' in my mind, and the same with thoroughwert. But catnip didn't +nip his ambition and thoroughwort wuzn't thorough enough to restore his +cheerfulness. + +I encouraged him to go to the lake fishin' with Deacon Henzy, though I'd +suffered more than I had ever told from similar occasions. Deacon Henzy +loves hard cider and keeps a kag on tap durin' the summer, he sez it is +for his liver, but liver or no liver it hain't right. + +I hain't goin' to make no insinuations about their doin's though sister +Henzy has approached me on the subject time and agin, she hain't so +clost mouthed as I am. But I will merely say that when they got back +their two breaths didn't smell as two deacon's breaths ort to smell. But +I didn't say nothin' about it outside and shan't, I use tack. I spoke +on't to Josiah at the time, yes indeed I hearn the call of Duty and +obeyed. + +But as I wuz sayin', though it trompled on all my feelin's and +forebodin's I urged 'em to go agin and they went. And I shan't tell how +their breaths smelt when they got back--it hain't best, only simply +sayin' that Josiah took an empty pint fruit can with him that mornin' +when he went over to the Deacon's to start, and I never inquired what he +took it for, so fur will a female let even her principles be outraged +when the life of her beloved companion is at the stake--I tried to think +he wuz goin' to take milk in it. + +But the small string of tiny fish wuz all he ketched out of the deep +waters, he didn't ketch any cheerfulness or happiness for himself or me, +only disappintment and shagrin for I felt if I didn't use all my tack +mebby the meetin' house would try to set down on him. Two deacons! the +very idee on't! + +But I kep' mum and dressed the fish myself and fried 'em in butter, only +hopin' I wouldn't lose 'em in the fryin' pan, but Josiah didn't seem to +relish 'em no better than he would side pork, and agin I felt baffled, +and rememberin' the fruit can, a element of guilt also mingled with the +baffle. Biled vittles with a bag puddin' which he loved almost to +idolatry I put before him in vain; I petted him; I called him "dear +Josiah" repeatedly; I fairly pompeyed him, but no change could I see, I +felt turrible. + +He still kep' a runnin' down and I didn't know when he would stop +runnin' and I shuddered to think where he might run to. At last in spite +of Josiah's onwillingness I sent for Doctor Bombus. He come and took his +wrist in hisen and Josiah sez kinder mad actin': "What do you want to +feel of my polt for? My polt beats all right!" + +He looked at his tongue, Josiah stickin' it out as if he wuz makin' a +face at him. He inquired about symptoms, all of which Josiah answered +snappishly, the examination over, the doctor walked the floor back and +forth with one hand under his coat tail and the other in his breast in +deep thought and then said: + +[Illustration] + +"My diagnosis denotes no diametrical and insurmountable difficulties but +I would recommend a temporary transition or in other words a change of +climate." + +"Change of climate!" muttered Josiah, "I guess anybody that lives in +this state gits changes enough, from torrid to zero in twenty-four hours +lots of times--I'd like to know where you wintered!" + +"Nevertheless and notwithstanding," sez Doctor Bombus, blandly ignoring +Josiah's muttering impatience, "I can but recapitulate my former +prescription, a temporary translation from surrounding environment." + +And he gathered up his saddle bags and went out, bagoning me out into +the hall as he did so. And then he advised me to take him to the St. +Louis Exposition. + +But I sez, "I dassent, I'm afraid it would open his woonds afresh, he +knowed all the circumstances that had caused his sickness." But he wuz a +Homeopath and believed in takin' the same kind of medicine backward and +forward as it were, sunthin' as the poem runs: + +Tobacco hic when you're well will make you sick, +Tobacco hic will make you well when you're sick. + +I told him I thought it wuz a hazardous undertakin', and I hardly dast, +but he informed me in words more'n two inches long that he could do +nothing more for him, and if I didn't foller his advice it would be at +my own peril. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +I felt turrible. What wuz I to do to do right? How wuz I to handle this +enormous prescription, St. Louis Exposition, and give it in proper doses +to the beloved patient? I knowed the size of the mind I had to deal +with, I knowed the size of the medicine I wuz told to deal out to that +mind. + +Could it stand the strain? Could that small citadel stand a assault of +such magnitude without crumplin' and crumblin' right down? Dast I +venter? And then agin dast I disobey the imperative advice of Doctor +Bombus? So I wuz tossted to and fro like the waves of the sea. + +But one thing I wuz determined on, I wouldn't start alone with him in +the state he wuz in, for if he should lose his mind in that immense +place how could I find it with no one to help me? It would be worse than +lookin' for a cambric needle in a hay-mow. + +I knew how the shafts of calumny and envy might be aimed at me by his +relations, so I would take along one on his side to share my +responsibility, so if he did lose his mind and couldn't find it agin, +they couldn't find fault with me and say I hadn't done my best. So I +proposed that his niece, Blandina Teeter, should go with us, she is well +off and a willin' creeter. + +[Illustration] + +Josiah didn't seem to care either way, but languidly remarked that if he +did go he wanted a sky blue neck-tie. That wuz the first sign of +interest he had took in anything, and I hailed it as a good omen but got +the tie as dark a blue as I dast. + +Blandina Teeter, formerly Allen, is a widder with a tall spindlin' +figger pale complected, with big light blue eyes that ruther stand out +of her head, and a tall peaked forehead with light hair combed down +smooth on both sides with scalops made in it by hand. She is good +natered to a fault, you know you can kill yourself on milk porridge, and +though folks don't philosophize on it you can be too good to be +comfortable. + +She is a natural lover of mankind, nothin' light in it, jest a deep +meetin' house love. She wuz born that way onbeknown to her I spoze, and +so I d'no as I ort to blame her for her soft ways. I hadn't seen her for +some years and had kinder forgot how soft and squshy she wuz in her +nater, and I declare for't when I got her and Josiah both together, had +marshaled my forces, as you may say before my mind's review, I didn't +know how I wuz goin' to git 'em to St. Louis and back agin hull. It did +seem to me that if I got through all right with Josiah, she wuz that +soft and meller she would spile on my hands anyway. + +But she wuz the only one on his side available in the position of second +chaperone to Josiah and so I took my chances. + +She had been a widder some years; Teeter had used her shameful, spent +her property and throwed her round considerable, but still she kep' up +her perennial love and passionate adoration of man. And thinkses I it +will work well anyway with her Uncle Josiah, for lovin' all mankind as +she did from infancy to age, I knowed that bein' the only male in the +party she would keep her eye on him. + +Blandina wuz more than willin' when I explained matters to her. She said +she felt that men wuz such precious creeters that too much care could +not be took of 'em, and that it would give her the greatest pleasure to +surround her Uncle Josiah with all the care that a most devoted +affection could dictate. + +She's an awful clever critter, it hain't good nater that she lacks. But +there is sunthin' wantin' in her, I believe it is common sense. + +But we sot out, I with considerable misgivin' at heart, but calm and +cool on the outside, clad as I wuz in dignity and a gray braize delaine +dress and a bunnet of the same color, I also wore my costly cameo pin +fastened in my linen collar. Some gray lisle thread gloves and a rich +Paisley shawl completed my _toot a sembly_. + +Blandina had on a soft yellerish dress, I guess it wuz lawn it looked +most as soft as she did, and a hat that kinder drooped 'round her face +trimmed with crushed strawberry roses. She also wore some open-work +mitts, and a lace long shawl that had been her ma's. + +Josiah had on his pepper and salt costoom, and in my partial eyes he wuz +beautiful, but, oh, so sad, so deprested. Would the gloom ever be lifted +from his beloved liniment? So my heart questioned itself as we helped +ourselves out of the Democrat, Ury tendin' to the trunks. + +It wuz a Monday mornin', for I felt that I wanted to tackle this job +jest as I would a three weeks' washin', the first day of the week. Ury +shook our hands firmly but sadly, promisin' to the last to see to things +and not let the cows into the garden, and keep the buttery door shet up +nights, for though the cat is not a habitual snooper, yet she will +sometimes snoop. + +The car wuz crowded, mebby folks had hearn of our goin' and wanted to +ride a spell with us. 'Tennyrate Josiah and I had to be separated at the +outset of our journey, he settin' with a man acrost the aisle; Blandina +got a seat with an aged gentleman while I sot down with a pale +complected woman in deep mournin'. Or at least what mournin' she had wuz +deep. She wore a thick crape veil and black cotton gloves. But her dress +wuz chocklate delaine. The mournin' wuz borryed, she told me most as +soon as I sot down. + +She wuz on the way to the funeral of her father. He had lived with her, +but died while he wuz on a visit to her sister. She wuz feelin' dretful +and said she didn't know what she would do without him; she took on real +bad, and I sez, "Yes, losin' a pa is an awful loss." + +"Yes," sez she, "pa wuz a dretful good man. I don't see what we're goin' +to do without him; we shall miss him so makin' line fences. He knew all +about where they ort to stand." + +I wuz kinder took back. But then come to think it over I see it wuz +better to be missed in line fences than not at all. She got out at the +next station, and my own pardner took the vacant seat by my side, and on +and on we wuz whirled from the peaceful shores of Jonesville to the +pleasures and dangers of the great city. + +As I said, I wanted to get to St. Louis the first of the week, but +Josiah took it into his head that he wanted to visit his nephew, Orange +Allen, who lives in the Ohio, and under the circumstances it wuz not for +me to cross him in anything that wuz more or less reasonable. So we +stopped there and had a good visit. He keeps a dairy farm and owns forty +cows besides a wife and three young children; he is doing well. His pa +havin' a horticultural and floral turn of mind, named his two boys Lemon +and Orange. His girls are Lily, Rose and Violet. Lily is dark complected +and so fat that she looks like a pillar with a string tied in the +middle, and Rose and Violet are as humbly as they make but respectable. +Folks ort to be more cautious in namin' children, but they're all +married quite well, and we had a good visit with 'em, stayin' most of +the time at Orange's. + +And I see with joy that the shadder on my pardner's face lifted quite a +little durin' our stay there, but of course this belated us and we +didn't git to St. Louis till Saturday late in the afternoon. St. Louis +is a big sizeable place. Mr. Laclede cut the tree for the first +log-house in the forest where St. Louis now stands in 1764. America had +several cities all started at that time, but St. Louis jest put in and +growed, and now it is the fourth city in the United States. It's an +awful worker, why it produces more in its factories than is produced by +the hull of thirty-seven States, jest think on't! And it has thirty-two +million folks to buy the things it produces. Twenty-seven railways run +into it; the city rules itself and leads the world in many manufactures. +They say it is the richest community in the world, and I couldn't +dispute it, for they seemed jest rollin' in riches all the while I wuz +there; wuzn't put to it for a thing so fur as I could see. + +It is noted for its charities; it has the biggest Sunday-school in the +world, two thousand three hundred and forty-four children in one +school--jest think on't! Its Union railroad station is the finest in the +Universe, so they say, and jest the buildin' covers twenty acres. And it +has the greatest bridge over the greatest river in the world. + +But everything has its drawbacks, the water there hain't like Jonesville +water; I don't say it to twit 'em, but it is a solemn truth, the water +is riley, they can't dispute it. I'd love to hand 'em out a pailful now +and then from our well, and would if I had the chance--how they would +enjoy it. + +Blandina and I wanted to go to once to Miss Huff's, a woman we used to +know in Jonesville who keeps a small boardin' house. + +But Josiah, who had seen pictures on't, wanted to go to the Inside Inn. +He said they'd advertised cheap rooms, it would have a stylish sound to +tell on't in Jonesville and it would be so handy and equinomical for we +wouldn't have to pay entrance fees. So to please him, which wuz the main +effort of us two chaperones, we went there. We wuz tired to death that +night anyway, and wanted a quiet haven and wanted it to once, for truly +when Josiah pinted out the elegant buildin's that we passed I looked +coldly on 'em, and said that there wuzn't one that looked so good to me +as a goose feather piller would. And I had made up my mind that I +wouldn't take a note or act as a Observer at all till Monday mornin'. So +I faced the crowd and the Fair ground as not seein' 'em as it were, +carryin' out my firm idee to begin' the job as Observer and Delineator +the first day of the week. + +The Inside Inn we found wuz a buildin' as big as the hull of our +neighborhood and I d'no but part of Loontown and Zoar, it wuz immense. +And everywhere you'd look you would see this sign pasted up: + +"Pay In Advance! Pay In Advance!" + +Josiah acted real puggicky about it, he said he believed they had hearn +we wuz comin' and got them signs printed for fear we would cheat 'em out +of their pay or wuzn't able to pay. And he sez, "I'll let 'em know I am +a solid man and have got money!" And he took out his little leather bag +where he keeps the most of his money and showed 'em in a careless way, +as much as fifteen dollars in cash. + +I told him it wuz venturesome to show off so much money, but he said he +wuzn't goin' to have 'em insinuatin' in this mean underhanded way that +we couldn't pay our bills. + +Blandina would pay her own bills, but then she's got plenty and Josiah +said, "Let her pay for herself if she wants to." And I said: + +"Well, I spoze it will make her feel better to pay her way." + +"Yes," he sez, "and it makes me feel better too." + +A young chap took our satchel bags and went to show us our room, and we +went through one long hall after another, and walked and walked and +walked, till I thought we should drop down. And finally Josiah stopped +in his tracks and faced the feller, and sez he: + +"Look here, young man, what do you take us for? We hain't runnin' for +mail carriers, and we hain't niggers trainin' for a cake walk. We'd love +to git a room and set down some time to-day!" + +"Yes, sir," sez the man, "we are most to your rooms." And he turned and +begun to go down stairs, and we follered him down two flights and +started for a third one, and then Josiah faced him agin: + +"What in Tunket ails you, anyway? Because we come from the country we +don't propose to be put down suller amongst your cabbages and turnips! I +want you to take us to some good rooms; I've paid in advance, dum you! +and I'm goin' to stand for my rights." + +"Yes, sir," sez the man, "they're good rooms." + +And I knowin' we wuz three to one and if he wuz leadin' us off into a +trap to git Josiah's money we could overpower him, I wunked for Josiah +to keep still, but he wouldn't, but kep' on mutterin' whilst the man led +us down two more flights, and into some quite good rooms, only if you'll +believe it there wuz a tree growin' right up through our room as big as +Josiah's waist. + +And that made Josiah as mad as a hen agin, and he told the man, "We've +been imposed upon ever since we entered this house. You knew we lived on +the outskirts of Jonesville, and you've took liberties with us that you +wouldn't if we had come from the heart of the village. But I'll let you +know we're knowed and respected, and Jonesville will resent it to think +you've put us in with trees, tryin' to make out we're green, I spoze." + +But the man wuz up two flights of stairs by this time. And I quelled +Josiah down by sayin' we would try to make the best on't. The hotel is +built on a side hill, that's why we had to come down stairs; there are +four stories more in the back than in front, and they wouldn't let 'em +cut down all the trees so they had to build right round 'em. + +But I ruther enjoyed it, and hung my mantilly up on it, there wuz some +nails that somebody had left in it, and the tabs hung down noble. And as +I told Josiah, "Trees are kinder sociable things anyway." + +"Sociable!" he groaned. "We don't need trees in order to be sociable." +And sure enough, on both sides on us wuz goin' on private conversations +that we could hear every word on. It wuz a very friendly place. + +Well, I het up my little alcohol lamp and made a cup of tea and we had +lots left in our lunch basket. So I called Blandina, her room wuz only +jest a little ways from ourn, and we had a good lunch and felt +recooperated. + +We slep' as well as we could considerin' the size and hardness of the +mattress and pillows, and the confidences that wuz bein' poured into us +onbeknown from both sides. + +The house is built dretful shammy. Why I hearn that a man weighin' most +three hundred took a room there, and comin' in one evenin' dretful tired +from the day's tramp on the Fair ground leaned up heavy aginst the wall +to pull off his boots, and broke right through into the next room. + +And that room wuz occupied by a young married couple. You know it wuz +dretful fashionable to marry and go to St. Louis on your tower. So +they'd follered Fashion and the star of Love and wuz havin' a first rate +time. + +They had been there several days, and this evenin', he thinkin' his eyes +of her, and feelin' very sentimental as wuz nateral, wuz readin' poetry +to her, she settin' the picture of happiness and contentment with her +feet on a foot-stool, her pretty hands clasped in her lap, and her eyes +lookin' up adorin'ly into hisen as he read: + +"Oh, beautious love, sweet realm of joy, +No wild alarm shall ere thy sweet calm break." + +When crash! bang! down come the partition with a half dressed man on +top, brandishin' aloft a boot and screamin' like a painter, as wuz only +natural. He broke right into Love's Sweet Realm and skairt 'em into +fits. + +She fell to once into highstericks, and he, when he recovered +conscientiousness threatened to lick the man, and everybody in St. +Louis, and made the air blue with conversation that the Realm of Love +never ort to hearn on, and wouldn't probable for years and years if it +hadn't been for this _contrary temps_. + +I hearn this, but don't say it is so; you can hear most anything and it +held us in all right. + +The next day, bein' Sunday, Josiah thought it would be our duty to stay +on the Fair ground and see the Pike, etc. But I sez: "Josiah, we will +begin this hefty job right, we will go to meetin'." + +So we went out into the city and hunted up a M.E. meetin' house and +hearn a good sermon and went into class meetin' and gin testimonies both +on us. And Blandina bein' asked to by a man went forward for prayers and +sot for a spell on the sinners' bench. She's been a member for years, +but she's such a clever creeter she wants to obleege everybody. + +Well, havin' done our three duties we went back peaceful and pious in +frame and went to walk in of course to our own temporary home. But what +do you think! that misuble, cheatin' man at the gate asked us to pay to +git in. We hearn afterward that this wuz a dishonest man and wuz sent +off. + +"Pay!" sez Josiah. "Pay to come home from meetin'? Did you want us to +hang round the meetin' house all day and sleep on the steps? Or what did +you want?" + +The man kep' that stuny look onto him and sez, "Fifty cents each." + +Josiah fairly trembled with rage as he handed out the money, and sez he +in a threatenin' way, "You hain't hearn the last of this, young man. +Square Baker of Jonesville will git onto your tracks, and you'd better +have a tiger after you than have him when he's rousted up. Pay for +comin' home from meetin', it is a disgrace to the nation! Call this a +land of liberty when you have to pay for comin' home from meetin'!" + +And sez he, as he took his change back, "Do you know what you're doin'? +You're drivin' Samantha and me away from this place, and Blandina." And +sez he, with an air of shootin' his sharpest arrer, "We shall go to Miss +Huff's to-morry." + +And so we did. Blandina and I wanted to go there in the first place, so +we felt well about it. We had fulfilled our duties as chaperones to the +fullest extent, and had also got our own two ways in the end, which is +always comfortin' to a woman. + +We found Miss Huff settled in a pleasant street in a good comfortable +home, not so very fur away from the Fair ground. She's a widder with one +son, young and good lookin', jest home from school; and a aged parent, +toothless and no more hair on his head than on the cover of my glass +butter dish. And I'll be hanged if I knowed which one on 'em Blandina +paid the most devoted attention to whilst we wuz there, but nothin' +light and triflin'. + +She is likely, her morals mebby bein' able to stand more bein' so sort +o' withy and soft than if they wuz more hard and brittle, they could +bend round considerable without breakin'. + +And Miss Huff had also a little grand-niece, Dorothy Evans, whose mother +had passed away, and Miss Huff bein' next of kin had took into her +family to take care of. Dretful clever I thought it wuz of Miss Huff. +Dorothy's mother, I guess, didn't have much faculty and spent everything +as she went along; she had an annuity that died with her, but she had +been well enough off so she could hire a nurse for the child, an elderly +colored woman, Aunt Tryphena by name, who out of love for the little one +had offered to come to Miss Huff's just to be near the little girl. + +And Dotie, as they well called her, for everyone doted on her, wuz as +sweet a little fairy as I ever see, her pretty golden head carried +sunshine wherever it went. And her big blue eyes, full of mischief +sometimes, wuz also full of the solemn sweetness of them "Who do always +behold the face of the Father." + +I took to her from the very first, and so did Josiah and Blandina. The +hull family loved and petted her from Miss Huff and her old father down +to Billy, who alternately petted and teased her. + +To Aunt Tryphena she wuz an object of perfect adoration. And Aunt +Tryphena wuz a character uneek and standin' alone. When she wuz made the +mould wuz throwed away and never used afterwards. She follered Dorothy +round like her shadow and helped make the beds and keep the rooms tidy, +a sort of chamber-maid, or ruther chamber-woman, for she wuz sixty if +she wuz a day. + +Besides Aunt Tryphena Miss Huff had two more girls to cook and clean. +She had good help and sot a good table, and Aunt Feeny as they called +her wuz a source of constant amusement and interest; but of her more +anon. + +We got to Miss Huff's in the afternoon and rested the rest of that day +and had a good night's sleep. + +In the mornin' Josiah, who went out at my request before breakfast to +buy a little peppermint essence, come in burnin' with indignation, his +morals are like iron (most of the time). + +He said a man had been advisin' him to take the Immoral Railway as the +best way of seein' the Fair grounds as a hull before we branched out to +see things more minutely one by one. + +"Immoral Railway!" he snorted out agin. + +"I hope you didn't fall in with any such idee, Josiah Allen." And I +sithed as I thought how many took that kind of railway and wuz whirled +into ruin on't. + +"Fall in with it! I guess the man that spoke to me about it thought I +didn't fall in with it. I gin that feller a piece of my mind." + +"I hope you didn't give him too big a piece," sez I anxiously; "you know +you hain't got a bit to spare, specially at this time." + +Oh, how I watched over that man day by day! I wanted the peppermint more +for him than for me. I laid out if he seemed likely to break down to +give him a peppermint sling. + +Not that I am one of them who when fur away from home dash out into +forbidden paths and dissipation, but I didn't consider peppermint sling +wrong anyway, there hain't much stimulant to it. + +Well, we started out for the Fair in pretty good season in the mornin', +Billy Huff offered to go and put us on the right car, so he walked ahead +with Blandina, Josiah and I follerin' clost in their rears. Blandina +looked up at him and follered his remarks as clost and stiddy as a +sunflower follers the sun. She had told me that mornin' whilst I wuz +gittin' ready to start that he wuz the loveliest young man she had ever +met, and a woman would be happy indeed who won him for her consort. And +I said, as I pinned my collar on more firmly with my cameo pin, that I +presoomed that he would make a good man and pardner when he growed up. + +And she said, "Difference in age don't count anything when there is true +love." Sez she, "Look at Aaron Burr and Lord Baconsfield," and she brung +up a number more for me to look at mentally, whilst I wuz drapin' my +mantilly round my frame in graceful folds. + +But I told her I didn't seem to want to spend my time on them old ghosts +that mornin', havin' such a big job on my hands to tackle that day as +first chaperone to Josiah, and I got her mind off for the time bein', by +the time I had fastened on my mantilly so the tabs hung as I wanted 'em +to hang. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Josiah wuz for goin' into the show by the entrance nighest to Miss +Huff's, but I said, "No, that may do for other times, but when I first +enter this Fair ground as a Observer" (for in our visit to the Inside Inn +we wuz only weary wayfarers, too tired to observe, and the Sabbath we +felt wuz no time to jot down impressions). No, this day I felt wuz in +reality our _dayboo_, and I sez impressively, "I will not go sneakin' in +by any side door or winder, I'm goin' to enter by the main gateway." + +Josiah kinder hummed: + +"Broad is the road that leads to death +And thousands walk together there." + +But when he found we could go in there at the same price he didn't +parley further, and Billy took us to the car that would leave us where I +wanted to be. + +The main entrance is in itself a noble sight worth goin' milds and milds +to see, a long handsome buildin' curvin' round gracefully some in shape +like a mammoth U only bendin' round more at the ends, and endin' with +handsome buildin's, and tall pillars decorate the hull length and flags +wave out nobly all along on top. + +Mebby it wuz meant for a U and meant Union, a name good enough for +entrance into anything or anywhere. And if it wuz I approved on't, and +would encouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so if they'd asked me beforehand. +Union! a name commandin' world-wide respect, writ in blue and gray on +millions of hearts, sealed with precious blood. + +The centre of the long buildin' peaks up and arches over you in such a +lofty and magnificent way that you feel there some as Miss Sheba must +have felt when she went to visit Mr. and Miss Solomon or the Misses +Solomon, I spoze I ort to say, he had a variety of wives, though it is +nothin' I ever approved on, and would told him so if I'd had the chance. + +But good land! Mr. Solomon never had any sights to show Miss Sheba +approachin' this Fair, I wouldn't been afraid to take my oath on't. + +We riz the flight of steps which hundreds and hundreds could rise +similtaneously and abreast, paid our three fares and went in. And when +you first stand inside of that gate the beauty jest strikes you in your +face some like a great flash of lightnin', only meller and happifyin' +instead of blindin'. + +And the vastness of it as you look on every side on you impresses you so +you feel sunthin' as you would if you wuz sot down on the Desert of +Sara, and Sara wuz turned into vistas of bewilderin' beauty towards +every pint of her compass. + +There wuz broad, smooth paths leadin' out on every side all on 'em full +of folks from every country in the world, and clad in every costoom you +ever see or ever didn't see before. Folks in plain American dress side +by side with dark complected folks wropped up seemin'ly in white sheets, +jest their black-bearded faces and flashin' eyes gleamin' at you from +the drapery. Then there would be mebby a pretty young girl with a +rose-bud face under a lace parasol. Two sweet-faced nuns in sombry black +with their pure white night caps on under their clost black bunnets and +veils, and follerin' them some fierce lookin' creeters in red baggy +trousers embroidered jackets and skull caps with long tossels on 'em; +Persians mebby, or Arabs. + +As Josiah looked at these last I hearn him murmur as if to himself, "Why +under the sun didn't Samantha put in my dressin' gown with tossels, and +the smokin' cap Thomas J. gin me, I could showed off some then." + +But I pretended not to hear him for my eyes wuz fastened on the passin' +pageant. Smart lookin' bizness men with handsome well-dressed wives and +children, then a Injun with striped blanket, beaded moccasins and +head-dress of high feathers. Then a American widder, mebby a plain one, +and mebby grass; then some more wimmen. Then some Chinamen with long +dresses and pig-tails follered by some gawky, awkwud country folks; some +more smart-lookin' Americans. Some English tourists with field-glasses +strapped over one shoulder. Some Fillipinos in yellerish costoom. Then a +kodak fiend ready to aim at anything or nothin' and hit it; then some +Scotchmen in Tarten dress and follerin' clost some Japans, lots and lots +of them scattered along. Then some brown children and their mothers, the +children dressed mostly in a sash and some beads, and some more pretty +white children dressed elaborate, and some niggers, and some soldiers, +and some more wimmen, and more folks, and some more, and some more, in a +stiddy and endless stream. + +Good land! I couldn't sort out and describe them that passed by in an +hour even, no more than I could sort out and describe the slate stuns in +Jonesville creek, and you well know that wagon loads could be took out +of one little spot. + +Josiah said to me, "Why jest to look at this crowd, Samantha, pays +anybody for comin' here clear from the Antipathies." + +Sez I, "Josiah, you mean the Antipodes." + +"I mean what I say!" he snapped out, "and les's be movin' on, no use +standin' here all day." + +He don't love to be corrected. But truly that immense and strangely +assorted crowd constantly comin', constantly goin' and changin' all the +time wuz a sight well worth comin' from Jonesville to see, even if we +didn't see a thing more. But, oh, what didn't we see! what a glorious +sight as our eyes left the crowd and looked 'round us. Why the wonder +and beauty on't fairly struck you in the face some like a flash of +lightnin' only more meller and happifyin'. + +There you are in the beautiful Court of St. Louis. And right in the +centre sets Saint Louis himself on a prancin' horse, holdin' up a cross, +I wuz glad to see that cross held up as if in benediction over all the +immense crowd below, it seemed as if it begun the Fair right, jest as it +begins the week right to go to meetin' Sunday. + +I always sot store by Saint Louis. Leadin' them Crusades of hisen to +protect Christians and free the Holy Land from lawless invaders. How +much I thought on him for it. Though I could advised him for his good in +lots of things if I'd been 'round. + +Now his marryin' a girl twelve years old who ort to been in pantalettes +and high aprons, I should tried to break it up, I should told him plain +and square that I wouldn't have heard for a minute to his marryin' our +Tirzah Ann at that age. She shouldn't married him if he'd been King +Louis twenty or thirty instead of nine. But I wuzn't there and he went +on and had his way, as men will. + +But he acted noble in lots of things, made a wise ruler and a generous +one, lived and died like a hero. And I was glad to see him riz up in +such a sightly place, holdin' up the cross he wuz willin' to give his +life for. + +He looked first rate, he wore a sort of a helmet and had a cloak on, +shaped some like my long circle cape, only it didn't set so good, and I +wuz sorry they didn't have my pattern to cut it by. Hisen kinder curled +up at the back, they ort to cut it ketterin'. Two noble statutes stood +on each side on him, kinder guardin' him as it were, though he didn't +need it as long as he clung to the cross. Scattered all along by the +side of the broad paths wuz little green oasises, on which the +splendor-tired and people-tired eyes could rest and recooperate a +little. + +In front of you quite a little ways off on each side stood immense +snow-white palaces each one on 'em seemin' more beautiful than the last +one you looked at, full of sculptured beauty and with long, long rows of +pearl white collumns and ornaments of all kinds. Beyond, but still as it +were in the foreground, as it ort to, high up on a lofty pedestal stood +the statute of Peace. + +My pardner, who for reasons named, wuz inclined to pick flaws in this +glorious Exposition, sez to me: + +"What's the use of sculpin' Peace up on so high a monument and showin' +her off as if she wuz safe and sound, and then histin' cannons up right +by her throwin' balls that will travel twenty milds and then knock her +sky high." + +I sithed, but almost onbeknown to myself looked at the Cross, and hoped +that that divine light would go ahead through the wilderness of world +warfare makin' a safe path, so Peace could git down from her high +monument bime-by and walk round some through the world without gittin' +her head blowed off. + +Smilin' and gleamin' jest beyond wuz the bright sunny waters on which +little boats painted in bright colors with gay awnin's wuz glidin' about +here and there, and bursts of melodious song come from the gayly attired +boatmen anon or oftener. And furder on wuz the Grand Basin, a large +beautiful piece of water, and back on't down a green hill seventy feet +high leaps and bounds and gurgles and sings three glitterin' cascades, +each one seemin' to start out from a splendid buildin' up on the hill. + +The ones on the side smaller, but the middle one a grand and stately +palace called Festival Hall, and jinin' these three buildin's together +are what they call the Collonnade of States. A impressive row of +snow-white pillows, and on them pillows, settin' up in the place of +honor, are big statutes of female wimmen, fourteen in number, symbolic +of the original States of the Louisiana Purchase. + +I wanted to go right up to Festival Hall the first minute, it didn't +seem fur it wuz through such seens of bewilderin' beauty, but a +bystander standin' by said it wuz half a mild. + +But Josiah kinder nudged me and said, "Mebby we'd better take the +Immoral Railway. With you by my side, Samantha, I feel I can face its +dangers." + +Sez I, "Where has your principle gone that you had this mornin', +Josiah?" + +"I have got it, Samantha, jest the same; I hain't used none this time o' +day. But I thought I would kinder love to tell the brethren I'd rid on +it." And before I could parley with him he asked that same bystander, a +good lookin' iron gray man, + +"Where is the Immoral Railway?" + +"The Intre Moral Railway starts there," sez he, pintin' to a place quite +nigh to us. + +"Intre Moral," sez I to myself; "that is a good name." And as we wended +our way to it through the crowds of folks of every name and nation I sez +to myself, "I'd love to ride on it." For havin' naterally so scientific +and deep a mind I love to trace back words like little rivulets, to +their source, and see where they spring from. For meandering through the +ages they gather lots of foreign stuff and take queer turns. + +Intre Moral, I took it that that meant extra moral. I liked the sound +on't, and we got on and rode quite a spell, and see everything we could, +and when we went clear 'round on that, we got onto a big ortomobile and +rid 'round on that so's we could see the hull Fair as it were in one +picture, before we examined its glories more minutely one by one. + +[Illustration] + +And I should have took sights of comfort viewin' the magnificent seens +spread out and growin' and changin' every minute if I hadn't had to kep' +one eye onto Josiah Allen all the time, or as you may say two eyes, one +my own gray orb and the other the eye of my specs. The seen wuz so +hugely grand, so magnificently stupendous, and the mind that it wuz my +duty as first chaperone to guard wuz so small I sez to myself, could it +be bombarded by that immense grandeur and not utterly collapse. But +Blandina wuz on the other side on him, so I didn't feel as I should had +the responsibility devolved on me alone. + +But he bore it well. He looked off on the seen grander than anything +Fairy Land ever dremp on or ever will, I believe. And then he looked +pensively at my silk bag where I'd stored all the cookies and nut-cakes +it would hold, to keep up his strength between meals. + +And so gradually I dropped my agonizing anxiety and let my eyes drink in +the onequalled beauty of the seen as we went by the tall glorious +palaces towerin' up in white magnificence. Past sparklin' water spaces +filled with gay pleasure craft full of happy white-robed voyagers. Past +the spans of arched bridges leadin' from one seen of glory to another, +past tall white shafts carryin' up to the listenin' Heavens deeds of +glory and valor. + +Past white statutes more beautiful than poet's dreams, risin' up from +green velvet lawns or marble terraces. Broad highways would dawn on our +vision, anon vistas of incomparable beauty way off, way off as fur as we +could see would open up other views jest as fair. Anon the columned +walls of some nearby palace would seem to close in the view, and then +agin the fur vision, and anon the blue waters flowin' on and on. And +scattered all over the ground roamed the happy people, men, wimmen and +children of every name and nation, clothed in every garb that folks ever +wore under the sun, and some, it seemed to me, made up jest for that +occasion, as Eve started her new fashion of fall dress, only this wuzn't +made of leaves, no indeed! fur from it. + +But I believe the foreign costoom we see most of all wuz the Japan. And +all through the Fair that nation seemed to show off in the very first +rank. Well, I wuz willin', I always kinder liked 'em, they're so polite +and courteous to everybody, and as for makin' storks and folks settin' +on nothin' and lookin' perfectly comfortable settin' on it, they go fur +ahead of anybody else, and they have lots of other noble qualities. In +cleanin' house time, now I have fairly begreched the ease and comfort of +them Japanese housewives who jest take up their mat and sweep out, move +their paper walls a little mebby and there it is done. + +No heavy, dirt-laden carpets to clean, no papered walls and ceilings to +break their back over, no trumpery brickaty brack to take care of and +dust and make life a burden. Kind hearted, reverent to equals and +superiors--trained to kindness and courtesy and reverence in childhood +when American mothers are ruled and badgered by short skirted and +roundabout clad tyrants. + +I set store by the Japans and am glad to hear how fast they're pressin' +forwards in every path civilization has opened; science, art and the +best education. And wuz glad to see so many of 'em here. They could give +Uncle Sam a good many lessons if he wuz willin' to take 'em. But good as +he is he is a heady old creeter, and won't be driv into anything and has +a powerful good opinion of himself. + +But to resoom forwards. After we'd gone the complete 'round of the Intre +Moral Railway and ortemobile we got out agin on the Plaza not fur from +where we embarked, and at my request we took a boat. Josiah chose one of +the handsomest ones with the front end kinder bowin' up and a +bright-colored awnin' over it; they called it a gondola. + +The gondolier had bold flashin' black eyes and a gay suit that struck +Josiah's fancy, and I knowed by his looks he wuz meditatin' on what +Might Have Been. I felt that he wuz in fancy rowin' a boat up our creek +in a red coat and green hat with yeller feathers mebby, carryin' sister +Submit Tewksbury or sister Gowdey, sailin' towards his own Exposition of +St. Josiah. There wuz a sad pensive look on his liniment that belonged +to ruined hopes and blighted emotions. + +Blandina whispered to me she thought the gondolier a image of beauty and +wondered if he had a companion; she said she believed he would be +devoted to a wife if he had one that looked up to him. + +I answered her like one talkin' onbeknown to herself, two of my eyes and +my spectacles furtively watchin' the liniment of my beloved pardner, and +my speritual eyes feastin' on the perfect loveliness of the seen. Broad +smooth waters how beautiful they were, dotted with craft similar to ourn +and freighted with happy voyagers dartin' here and there, and some of +the boats wuz the queerest shapes, one on 'em looked jest exactly like a +big white swan, and there wuz one, if you'll believe it, that looked +like a sea serpent, I wouldn't have rid in it for a dollar bill, though +Josiah said he'd love to tell Deacon Henzy that he'd straddled the old +sea serpent and rid to shore on it. + +But I sez, "Good land, Josiah, you don't ride on the outside on it, +there is a place fixed inside somewhere for passengers." + +But most of the boats wuz handsome. Anon the water lay smooth and fair +about us, and fur off we could see immense fountains risin' right up out +of the glassy surface, sprayin' up and glitterin' down floods of rainbow +glory. + +Agin we landed on terry firmy I a feelin' as if we wuz roamin' through +Fancy's fields, for it seemed as if cold Reality never could have +planned anything approachin' what wuz all round us. For as you draw nigh +the glittering Cascades you fairly stop bewildered by the beauty, and +most want to shet your eyes on it, not knowin' what path to choose where +all are so bagonin' full of allurements and the hull world seemin' to be +allured there by 'em. On one side the glory of the waters dashing, +sparkling, bounding along down, with fountains sprayin' up every little +while, and white statutes smilin' down on us nigher by. On the other +side green verdure and beyond and on every side the glory of the water, +and above us the most magnificent buildin' in the world flanked on each +side with the long Colonnade of States. + +And speakin' of statutes, jest think of the sculptured groups we passed +by that eventful day, more'n I could describe in a month of Sundays. +Louis and Clark, the very men I'd read about in Gasses Journal, how I +wished their eyes could see and their ears hear me. How interested and +proud they would have been to hear me tell how even as a child I loved +to hear mother Smith read about their journeyin's into the new and +onexplored country, findin' swamps and stumps and savages, where now wuz +smilin' gardens and palaces. Then there was Robert Livingstone, and +Franklin, noble high souled old creeter, I always loved him in a meetin' +house sense, drawin' down lightnin' and so forth--he wuz the very Pa of +electricity as you may say. + +And James Monroe, and Boone, and Settin' Bull, yes there wuz Settin' +Bull settin' or ruther standin' right in that great company. And all on +'em mute and onafraid, onmindful of the presence of a Samantha and +Josiah, I felt to pity 'em. + +But the noblest meanin' statute of all in my eyes wuz right in front of +the main Cascade. There stood a immense statute of Liberty, raisin' the +veil of Ignorance and protectin' Truth and Justice. Ignorance don't want +her eyes oncovered, she'd 'drather keep on blind as a bat. But Liberty +hain't goin' to mind her, she wuz bound to git the bandages off; I +wanted to encourage her in it and I waved my hand towards her and smiled +in lovin' greetin'. Josiah thought I wuz flirtin', and asked me +anxiously if I'd got sight of any man from Jonesville. I wouldn't dain +to reply to him--at my age! and with my reputation to carry round! The +idee! + +Well, when we stood on the stun balcony over the spot where the central +cascade gushes out, what a seen lay spread out before us. You can look +off two milds one way and most a mild another. And wuz there ever in the +world milds so crowded full of beauty and each beauty differin' from the +other as one star differs from another in glory. Eight magnificent +palaces are in full sight, their walls bathed by the blue waters, and +beyond 'em, interspersed by green foliage, wuz a perfect wilderness of +towers, minarets, domes, banners, battlements. + +I hain't goin' to describe what I looked down on, for I can't. No, if I +had a big book of synonyms to the words Grand and Glorious and used +every one on 'em tryin' to describe that seen I couldn't begin to do +justice to it, and so what is the use of tryin' with the Jonesville +vocabulary. + +And if I can't describe it, don't for pity sake ask Josiah Allen to, for +you might know that if I couldn't he wouldn't stand no chance. But I +hearn him gin a sort of gaspin' sithe as he looked, and Blandina I +believe forgot for a few minutes her passionate though chaste, +overrulin' passion. + +As magnificent as the hull of St. Louis Exposition is, it naterally has +one spot handsomer than the rest, a particular beauty spot as you may +say. Why every house has it. The beauty of my parlor kinder branches +out, as you may say, from my new rep rocker, a lovely work of art that +cost over six dollars. I keep it in the sightliest place, where the eye +of man can fall on it at first. And the central beauty spot of the Fair +wuz centered in the place I have been talkin' about. + +I'd hearn that it wuz some the shape of a fan and we had talked it over +between us, whether it would look like my best paper fan I carry to +meetin' Sundays, or my big turkey feather fan. But, good land! they +dwindled down so in my mind while I stood there that I might be said to +never have sot my eyes on a turkey's feather, or a turkey or anything. +It is a spectacle that once seen is never forgot. + +The central spot, or handle of the fan (in allegory), is occupied by +Festival Hall and on either side stretches out the beautiful Collonnade +of States with its lovely and heroic female wimmen settin' up there as +if sort o' takin' care of the hull concern. I spoke to Blandina about +it, how pleased I wuz to see my sect settin' up so high in the place of +honor, and she sez: + +"Oh, Aunt Samantha, I cannot rejoice with you, it rasps my very soul to +see men slighted! What would the world do without men?" + +"Well," sez I, wantin' to please her, "men do come handy lots of times. +But," sez I reasonably, "the world wouldn't last long if it wuzn't for +wimmen." But to resoom. + +At each end of the Collonnade, peakin' up a little higher, is a sort of +a round shaped buildin', beautiful in structure, where food can be +obtained. And knowin' the effect on men of good food I knowed this wuz a +sensible idea, for no matter how festivious a man may be, and probably +is in Festival Hall, yet his appetite stretches out on both sides on him +jest as it wuz depicted here. And female wimmen stand between him and +starvation most of the time. I considered the hull thing highly +symbolical and loved to see it. + +But jest think of a magnificent picture containin' all that is most +beautiful in land and water, extendin' in a graceful, curvin' way three +thousand feet. Why that's as fur as from our house over the Ebenezer +Bobbettses, and I d'no but furder, and every foot and inch of it +perfectly beautiful. How much land do you spoze is took up by this +central spot of beauty? Now if I should ask sister Sylvester Gowdey, who +always thinks she knows everything worth knowin', if I should say, "How +much land do you spoze, sister Gowdey, is took up by jest this central +beauty spot of the Fair?" I'll bet she'd say, "Mebby half an acre." + +But I'd say, "Melissy, it occupies six hundred acres." + +I d'no as sister Gowdey would believe me, but it's so, the livin' truth. +Why, the three Cascades are three hundred feet long. Beautiful in the +daytime as a dream of Paradise! fancy it in the evening when thousands +and thousands of colored lights lend their glowin' charm to the seen. +Why you almost cover your eyes from the bewilderin' glory on't. And as I +said to Josiah, "We shall never see another seen so beautiful till we +see Jerusalem the Golden descend before our rapt vision." And he bein' +kinder fraxious, sez: + +"I hain't seen that yet, nor you nuther." + +"By the eye of Faith I have, Josiah." + +"Well, tain't no time or place for preachin', we better be gittin' +along!" + +Right under the main Cascade we went down into a beautiful grotto all +lighted up, with one hull side of the room made of fallin' water. I +never expected to step into such a place. I have felt perfectly +satisfied when I've papered over my dining-room with paper a shillin' a +roll, and it did look well. But what wuz it to this? Refreshments are +served down there clost to the sparklin' liquid side of the room, and +Josiah wantin' to go the hull figure, set down and eat a nut-cake which +I gin him. + +They say stimulants can be obtained down here. And mebby they can, them +that seek can generally find, there wuz a serpent in Paradise; but _I_ +didn't see any, I spoze the noble look on my face would dant any dealer +in such pizen from displayin' it to me. And it ain't likely that Josiah +with two chaperones would set eyes on any. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +The two side cascades represent the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Josiah +sez in a kinder patronizing way, "They're likely Cascades, but I can't +see in what way they represent oceans." + +And I sez, "It hain't _for_ you to know everything, Josiah, you hain't +expected to. Such knowledge would be more than you with your small frame +could stand up under." + +"Oh, keep throwin' my size in my face. It's a pity I hain't a giraffe, +then mebby I'd suit you." And he added snappishly, "I'll bet you can't +tell yourself how they look like oceans." + +And I sez, "I wuz never any hand to tell all I knew, I always thought it +wuz best to keep one story back." + +But to tell the truth I couldn't see how they represented oceans, only +they wuz both water, but so is a teacupful of water, or a spunful. +Another way they differed from the ocean, the water hain't there all the +time, only once in awhile. Josiah, bent on findin' fault, sez: + +"Pretty oceans they be! Dry land most all the time." + +But I sez, "I've always wished the Atlantic would dry up long enough for +me to go over afoot or with the old mair, like the Israelites over the +Red Sea, I'd start to-morry." I'm afraid of deep water. Why half the +time I'm afraid of our creek and dassent go acrost the foot bridge. + +But the water wuz there when we see 'em, and the Cascades wuz beautiful +as a dream and more beautiful than lots of mine, specially when I'm +tired out. + +As to representin' the two oceans, I spoze it means them beautiful +golden tinted statutes, the Spirit of the Atlantic and the Spirit of the +Pacific that stands at the head of the Cascades. + +Well, we hung round there a long time, and finally at my request we went +into Festival Hall and sot down a spell and rested. And I thought as I +sot there I'd like to ask Sister Gowdey how big she thought this +buildin' wuz. She would never dream it covered two hull acres, but it +duz, three or four thousand people can set in it, and its organ is the +biggest in the world, more than ten thousand pipes in it and each pipe +as full of music as an egg is of meat. + +The two pipes havin' the lowest notes a small horse can walk through or +two good-sized men standin' side by side. So you can imagine the streams +of melody that can float through them immense channels. It has one +hundred and forty stops, every one on 'em that will stop if told to +quick as a wink. + +It took a train of ten cars to bring it from Los Angelus where it wuz +made. You can imagine how its music fairly shakes the ground and carries +you off your feet, seemin'ly like the very music of the spears. + +Good land! what's Tirzah Ann's organ compared to it? And I thought that +wuz as good as any they make, the agent said it wuz; we paid over sixty +dollars for it. + +And who do you think dedicated this most beautiful structure that wuz +ever built, to the music of the biggest organ in the world'? Why, it wuz +woman, my own female sect. I tell you it made me proud to think on't. It +wuz told me by one that wuz there that it wuz filled with wimmen on that +occasion, and as many men as could git in after the wimmen wuz seated. + +Jest think on't, oh, my sect! who have been used to sneakin' up back +stairs to look down on men seated in state at banquet tables, or peak +from the gallery at the Capitol to see 'em nobly engaged in makin' laws +to govern her, tellin' her how to spend the money she earned herself, +and how long to send her to jail, and where and when to hang her, and +etcetery; while she could only jest peak at 'em. Oh, my soul! wuzn't it +a agreeable state of affairs the doin's here at Festival Hall? As I said +to Josiah as we sot there, "Don't it show my sect is lookin' up?" + +And he said he never found wimmen backward in lookin' up, he said he +never see a place that would dant 'em and stop their tongues from +waggin'. He made light of the great incident and would been glad to had +men dedicate it; indeed he jest the same as told me he felt the +Exposition had stood in its own light in not havin' a certain leadin' +man in Jonesville, who wuz way up in political and moral life, havin' +held the offices of path-master and deacon. "But," sez he, with some +bitterness of sperit and speakin' skornfully: + +"What if wimmen did dedicate it? They can git up dressed in their silks +and shiffoniers, and talk, talk, but they can't vote no matter how well +off they be. They've got to pony up and pay taxes and toe the mark in +law jest as men tell 'em to." + +"Why," sez he, warmin' with his subject, "we men can set on you in +juries and you can't help yourselves, and hang you and so forth. And you +W.C.T.U. wimmen would have to let your tax money go to pay for drinkin' +shacks if we men of Jonesville, and the world, took it into our heads to +make you. Why," sez he, lookin' more and more big feelin' as he went on, +as why shouldn't he, as he recounted men's glorious advantages, + +"Nate Flanders, who is most a fool, can vote and make you knuckle down +and do as he tells you to. And don't you remember that time the 'lection +run so clost they got up old bed-ridden Nate Haskins, whose brain had +been softenin' for years, and his wife had to dress him and git him +ready for the pole, he callin' on his wife, Nancy, to put on every +identical garment and tell where it went, and when they got him to the +pole he wouldn't vote because Nance wuzn't there to tell him which +ticket to vote. She'd jest kep' that voter alive for years, and been +head and hands for him, but she couldn't vote and he could." + +Everybody has seen hosses run off the track when they wuz goin' too +fast; Josiah wuz so engaged in runnin' wimmen's pride down, he didn't +realize where he wuz gallopin' to. "And there wuz Jane Ellis who lost +her husband and two boys through drinkin', she had to let her tax money +be used to help nominate a license man, who opened a liquor saloon right +under her nose, and the last boy she had took to drinkin' and killed +himself last week drunk as a fool." + +"I'd be ashamed to boast of that, Josiah Allen, I'd be ashamed on't." + +"Well," sez he, lookin' kinder meachin', "I didn't say I approved of +that, I only said it to prove how weak and triflin' a thing woman really +is in the eyes of the law." And the rubber-like self-esteem of a male, +havin' sprung back in full force, he went on: + +"Why, Miss Corkins, up to Zoar, that pays bigger taxes than any man in +town, earnt it all herself too in the millionary bizness, why, that +snub-nosed nigger that drives for her can vote, and she can't. And then +I'd talk about dedicatin' the biggest buildin' in the world, singin' +hims on the biggest organ and lettin' a few men into the back door--I +wouldn't feel so big about it if I wuz you. + +"Why, we men jest throw such little compliments in the way of females to +keep you contented, jest as I throw crumbs from the table to Bruno to +home and pat him on the back. He knows he can't come to the table. We +men jest hang onto the ballot; wimmen hain't goin' to git holt of that +in a hurry and boss us round, no indeed!" + +Oh, how obstrepolous and important he did talk and act! And Blandina +lookin' up so admirin' at him and agreein' to every word he said, jest +for all the world like an anty, seemed to rile me worse than anything +else. But as long as I couldn't dispute a word he said, knowin' it wuz +as true as gospel, I kep' demute, and hoped he would take it for a +dignified silence that wouldn't dain to argy. + +Well, we had our lunch in a box and a bottle of cold tea, and we eat it, +and rested quite a spell, Josiah's good nater returnin' with every +mouthful he took, till by the time we got ready to start out agin, he +wuz as clever a critter as I want to see. + +I wanted to tackle the Palace of Arts next, as it wuz quite nigh by +considerin'. The Fair grounds are so immense that you have to travel +quite a distance to git anywhere. But Josiah said he wanted to see +sunthin' that wuz of practical use, ondervaluin' beauty, the great +Power, as some do. He wanted to see sunthin' solid, such as mines and +metals. And of course Blandina jined in with him, and though that is +what I wanted of her, as second chaperone, it provoked me time and agin; +queer, hain't it? + +So as that too wuz quite nigh by, we went to the Palace of Mines and +Metals. It wuz a beautiful buildin', the walls covered with ornamental +carvin' and ornaments, and two tall pillars standin' up each side of the +entrance as if they wuz two Genis jealously guardin' the Under World +from intrusion. But we got by 'em. And what didn't we see there? +Everything that wuz ever dug out of the earth, and the way it wuz +discovered, mined and made useful to man. + +Gems, precious stuns, granite, marble and all the processes for cutting +and polishing. Minerals of all kinds, natural mineral paints and +fertilizers, cement, luminants and waters. Asbestos, mica, coal, coal +oil and all the machinery for refining and storing it. Displays for +natural gas, petroleum; everything relating to lighting mines; safety +lamps; oils; electricity; acetyline. Most interestin' display in +geology; all kinds of rocks; crystal; clay; ores; nickel and all the +metals for making iron and steel and makin' 'em right there before you. +Explosives used in the Under World. Everything relating to the workin' +of salt mines; oil wells; metals, photographs; maps, illustrating how +these riches of the earth wuz deposited, and all the machinery for +collecting and making them useful to man. + +And there wuz a place where we could see a miner's cabin, and miners at +work, blasting, draining, driving tunnels, drilling, traveling +underground. A gold mill; a New Mexican turquoise mine; a lead, zinc and +copper mine, all working there before us; and a coal mine discovered +there on the Exposition grounds, an underground railway connected these +two mines. And all sorts of mineral waters, queer things they be flowin' +side by side out of the same ground as different as water and wine. And +there wuz a foundry and mint for makin' money. + +Imagine a buildin' coverin' nine acres full of such interestin' sights, +and thirteen acres out-doors. For you must remember that it wuz not only +the riches of America's Under World, but the wealth of England, France, +Germany, Sweden, Italy, Japan and in fact every foreign nation. Josiah +reveled in it, and so did Blandina vicariously. And I enjoyed it too, +for I always wuz wonderin' what wuz goin' on under my feet, and now I +had a glimpse on't. + +Well, we stayed there a long time and went from there into Manufactures +Buildin', when who should we meet but Uncle Giles Petigrew, a M.E. +deacon who used to live in Zoar but who had moved to St. Louis some +years before. We used to know him well. He wuz a old man when he left +Zoar, and had lost four wives a runnin' before he left there, and of +course I didn't know how many he'd lost since he come West, I see he +wore a mournin' weed, and mistrusted he'd lost another, and so it turned +out. It beats all what bad luck he has had. He wuzn't to blame for any +one on 'em, 'tennyrate them that passed away at Zoar, and I spozed it +wuz jest the same here. Never pizened any of 'em, or divorced 'em or +anything, it wuz jest his bad luck. + +He seemed real glad to see us and wuz dretful chipper for a man most a +hundred; he got hold of my hand and shook it as if he never would leggo, +and went right on confidin' in me about his lost companion, what a +treasure she wuz, and what a loss. + +And I sez, "Your wives wuz real nice wimmen, most all on 'em wuz, or +them that I knowed." + +"Oh, yes," sez he, "and these blows that has fell on me has most +onmanned me." + +And I sez in pityin' axents, "You won't try to git another wife, will +you, Uncle Giles?" + +"Yes, I shall, as long as the Lord keeps a takin', I shall--is that +woman with Josiah a widder?" + +I answered evasive, and kinder stepped in between him and Blandina, I +didn't want her to hear what he wuz sayin', I dassent. It wouldn't been +best for her to married a man most a hundred. And I knowed her soft +nater made her a willin' martyr to widower's wiles. Age made no +difference to Blandina. And I dassent venter to let him git nearer to +her. So I bid him a hasty good-by and linked my arm into hern and led +her away. She lookin' back and sayin', "How agreeable and willin' a +lookin' man that wuz," and I hurried her on fast to Manufactures +Buildin'--stoppin' by the way to see the beautiful Sunken Garden. + +The display in Manufactures is so large that they fill two immense +palaces, Manufacturers and Varied Industries, and you'd git lost you +couldn't help it, amongst the bewilderin' and endless native and foreign +displays, only the aisles are divided off into streets and squares, all +the same width, so you can git 'round first-rate. And if you had ten or +fifteen years you could spend here you might possibly see most of the +displays of your own native land and all the foreign countries. These +two palaces cover twenty-eight acres, as big as Luman Gowdey's farm that +he gits a good livin' on, and the hull twenty-eight acres are full of +interestin' sights. You can walk nine miles in it right ahead--as fur as +from Jonesville way up to Zoar, and back agin. + +And jest think of every single thing that wuz ever manufactured from a +hatpin to a rose-wood bedstead, and from a needle to a piano, and there +it wuz in plain sight if you could git to it, for truly you got +bewildered amongst the endless displays. Furniture, upholstery, all +sorts of cloth, silk, wool and cotton that wuz ever woven, all kinds of +silver and gold, and pearl and jet and shell and ivory articles that wuz +ever used, clocks, watches, jewels, embroideries, laces, carpets, +curtains, wall paper, stationery, hardware, glass and crystal, furs, +bronze, ironware, leather goods, stained glass, artists' supplies, +tailor shop, rubber store, toy store. + +But good land! what is the use of tryin' to name 'em over? I couldn't do +it if I had a blank book as big as a dictionary and writ it full. But +you can jest think of everything manufactured you ever see, or ever +didn't see and there it wuz, and more and more and more, and I might +fill pages with "mores," but what use would it be. + +But one of the best things we see at the hull Fair wuz there in the +Palace of Varied Industries. For to the thinkin' mind, the countless +display of articles, the marvels and magnificence of this Exposition is +not its main value, but its educational worth, its power to inspire and +teach the people of the world better ways of living and working, how to +make the most and best of life for themselves and others. And among the +educational exhibits one of the most interestin' to my mind is the one I +speak on in the Varied Industries Palace. + +The company that displays this has other interestin' exhibits at +different places at the Exposition, but here they have a display that I +wish the head of every big concern that employs labor could see and +study and take to heart. This company employs thousands of men and +wimmen in makin' a machine that wonderfully simplifies labor. + +But where the real educational value comes in hain't in the machine +itself, or the makin' on't, though that's interestin', but the way this +company treats its employees. + +You sit in a neat little theatre, fitted up with easy seats, and +electric fans and every comfort, and right in front of you, throwed onto +a big screen, are pictures from real life showin' Capital and Labor +dwellin' together like a lion and a lamb, and the child Justice leadin' +'em. + +Here you see and hear in the interestin' talk of the lecturer pictures +from the old time, when the company first begun its work up to the +gigantic plant and immense buildings of to-day. You see a woman tryin' +to warm some coffee over a radiator, they say the president of the +company see that, and it first made him think of furnishin' a lunch room +with a kitchen and every convenience for his employees. + +You see pictures of the women employees goin' to their work a half hour +later than the men, so the cars won't be so crowded. You see 'em at +their recreation time of fifteen minutes, at ten in the forenoon and +three in the afternoon, goin' through their physical exercises, or some +other recreation to brighten 'em up for the rest of the day. + +Then you see 'em at their clubs and classes, or playing tennis or +baseball, or in the big auditorium built for their use, listenin' to +some great orator or fine musician. These employees are not drudges, but +joy is labor and labor is joy. + +Then there is a picture showing a street of the homes of these +employees, pretty houses with windows and doorways covered with vines +and bright blossoms, makin' a picture of what some say is the most +beautiful street in the world. + +And there are pictures of noted people who have been there to study and +learn their methods, folks from foreign countries, who will carry the +blessed and beautiful example seen here to other lands. In one view is a +Prince and Princess who went there to learn their ways, lookin' +admirin'ly on. In another is a Cardinal givin' his benediction to +thousands of the happy workers. + +It is a sermon better than is often preached, what you see there in that +little theatre. It is Love and Labor and Beauty and Joy walkin' hand in +hand. I wuz highly tickled with it, and spent a glad hour here. + +But Josiah and I thought we'd seen enough for one day, and would go +home. But Blandina wanted to look over the articles of men's wearin' +apparell a little more; I don't see what comfort they wuz to her but she +said, "They brought back memories." And I spoze they did make her think +of Teeter and mebby his possible successor. But one thing, I believe, +that made her want to stay, we met Billy Huff jest as we wuz comin' out +of the buildin', and Blandina proposed that she should stay a little +longer with him and I gin a willin' consent, more willin' it seemed to +me than Billy wuz, though he couldn't refuse to escort home a guest of +the house. + +But Josiah and I went home and both on us used some anarky on our tired +limbs, and he cleaned the mud offen our shoes, for truly it wuz faithful +and stuck by us. + +It had rained the night before and that made it dretful muddy, Josiah +acted real grouty about it and sot there mutterin' and complainin' about +the mud till I got kinder wore out and sez: + +"For mercy sake! I guess you've seen mud before, Josiah Allen. Think of +our Jonesville streets after a heavy rain." + +"Well, they never wuz so muddy that I lost the old mair in 'em, and a +man told me to-day that they lost a elephant here the other day, it went +right down in the mud out of sight, and they never see hide or hair of +him agin." + +"Don't you believe that, Josiah Allen; it hain't no such thing, I hearn +all about it, the elephant didn't go clear in. He didn't go more than +half in, they could see his back all the time and they got him out all +right." + +"Well, that's furder in the mud than the old mair ever went enough +sight, and I never could have faced my country agin, if the streets had +been so muddy at my Exposition." + +"Don't be pickin' flaws all the time, Josiah. There is enough of beauty +and grandeur here to satisfy any common man." + +"But I hain't a common man, Samantha, and never wuz called so." + +"Well, oncommon then, there is enough beauty here to satisfy an oncommon +man." + +That seemed to molify him, and he gin in that it wuz a pretty good show. +But in many things inferior to what hisen would have been if he'd +carried it out. But I discouraged all such morbid idees and led his mind +off onto sunthin' else. + +That evenin' whilst Josiah went out to mail a letter Blandina come into +my room and sez the first thing, "Aunt Samantha, I love him passionately +but my love is scorned by him." + +And she busted into tears. I didn't ask no questions, but from Billy's +icy demeanor at supper table and Blandina's sentimental grief-stricken +linement I mistrusted she'd made overtoors to him that had been +rejected. + +But I tried to turn her mind 'round by showin' her a letter I'd jest got +from Maggie, my son, Thomas Jefferson's wife, tellin' me that her sister +Molly, who had been visitin' a college friend in the South, had come +home much sooner than she had been expected and seemed run down and most +sick. + +But she wuz bound to go to the Fair and they thought it wouldn't hurt +her to go, as there didn't seem to be anything serious the matter with +her only she seemed melancholy and out of sperits, it seemed to be her +mind that wuz ailin' more than her body. And would I if there wuz room +in my boardin' place take her in and mother her a little. Maggie +couldn't come herself, she wuzn't feelin' strong enough, and Thomas J. +won't leave her, specially if anything ails her, no indeed! he jest +worships her, and visey versey she him. + +I can't deny my first thought on readin' the letter wuz, another straw +to be laid on the back of the camel, meanin' myself in metafor. But my +second thought wuz I should be glad to have her come, for she is a +lovely girl and I set store by her. She's been away to school and +college for years, but I had often seen her durin' her vacations at +Thomas Jefferson's. + +Maggie had showed her letters to me that she had writ whilst she wuz +away South on this visit to her friend. One young man's name run through +'em like the theme to a great melody, and then all to once stopped, and +though Maggie and I hadn't passed a word on the subject I mistrusted +more than Maggie mistrusted I did about the cause of Molly bein' so +deprested. + +Young folks will be young folks! young blood can't run slow and stiddy, +and how young hearts can ache, ache. The tide that youth sails out on is +a restless one, it has its passionate tides, lit by glowing sunshine, +and anon by the glare of the tempest. It flows ever and anon smooth, and +then agin rough rocks of disappointment checks its swift glad flow, and +what it calls despair, but which dwindles down into nothin' more than +regret time and agin. It has its low tides, full of the sobbin' of +waters that are flowin' back to the depths, and everything seems lost +and gone. But anon the tide flows back again and so it goes on, storm +and dull calm, sunshine and tempest, and they don't know which is the +hardest to endure. That's why youth is so beautiful, so glorious, so +tragic. + +How I wished I could take Molly (for I loved her) and lift her clear +over the breakers into the calm of the deeper, smoother waters that the +home going boat finds when it is nearing the nightfall. The calm waters +lit by a light, soft and stiddy but sort o' sad like, not like the +dancin' sunlight of the mornin', oh no! when the tired mariner looks +back over the voyage and gits ready to cast anchor in the Home Haven. + +But I knowed I wuz onreasonable to even wish it, for grim old Experience +must stand at the hellum every time in everybody's life, and folks +hadn't ort to expect dyin' grace to live by; Molly had got to weather +the storm of life whether or no and I couldn't help it. But to stop +eppisodin' and resoom. + +I made a practice of writin' down mornings before I started for the Fair +the places I wanted to see that day if the rest of the party consented, +and I writ down that mornin' Liberal Arts, Fisheries, Educational +Buildin', Electricity, Machinery, Transportation, Horticultural and +Agricultural Buildin's and etcetery. + +Josiah wanted to know what etcetery meant, and I told him any other +place we wanted to see which he said wuz reasonable, and he thought +probable he should have to go to some shows on the Pike, he said he had +met Uncle Sime Bentley the day before and they talked it over and +decided that it seemed to be their duty as solid stiddy men to go to +some of the worst shows, specially them that had pretty girls in 'em, so +they could be convinced of their iniquity and warn the young +Jonesvillians. He said they would take their advice as quick agin if +they could warn 'em from experience. + +"But Josiah," sez I, "I wouldn't take such a distasteful, hateful job +onto me, it hain't your duty to make such a martyr of yourself, +specially as you hain't well." + +But Josiah said he'd always said "He wouldn't put his hand to the plow +and look back," and he and Uncle Sime had talked it all over and agreed +they would make the sacrifice for the good of Jonesville. But I meant to +break it up; I knowed it wuzn't his duty to nasty up his mind, hopin' to +do good by it, when I could never git it cleaned up agin as clean as it +wuz before. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Aunt Tryphena come in to make up our room whilst we wuz argyin' about +it. She come earlier than common, for she said she wuz goin' herself to +the Fair that day and take Dotie, who hadn't been at all. I told her it +would be a job to take care of a child in that big crowd. + +But she said, "I'd rather take care of Miss Dotie than to eat any time. +And as for the crowd it wuz nothin' to crowds she'd been in when she +lived in Paris with Miss Louise and Prince Arthur. She had took him when +he wuz a little boy to the Boy Bolony and the Champin Eliza when there +wuz millions of folks there." She wuz always talking of Prince Arthur, +which I fancied wuz a pet name for a child, and still given to the young +man she wuz constantly talkin' about through her pride and love for him. + +Aunt Tryphena wuz from slave parentage, but she had always lived in +white families since a child, so she had little of the peculiar dialect +of her race. But she wuz black as the Founder of Evil himself, tall and +thin with a mighty head of wool white as snow, which she covered with a +yellow turban about her work. She had abnormal powers of falsehood, not +for profit or to make trouble, but jest simple lying for lie's sake. The +most incredible stories she would string off, and nothing pleased Billy +more than to git her to goin', as he called it. + +He would call our attention silently and reach behind her when she wuz +about her work and turn an imaginary crank in her back, and then in the +same pantomime would jump back as if in fear of the fatal power he'd +invoked, but would wickedly delight in the endless stream of talk let +forth, occasionally asking a few questions, enough to keep her going. +She would lean on top of her broom and tell of her former adventures +thrilling enough and lengthy enough to fill a dozen lives. But +everything had happened to her personally, very few noted people but she +had seen and been on intimate terms with, very few far distant countries +but what she had visited, "Santered through," as she termed it. + +In a fine disregard for geography she would tell of stepping from +Chicago over to the Phillippines, and so on to London and then to +Europe. She detailed many adventures in Paris and described places that +made us think that she had some time lived there. She said she went +there with Miss Louise and her son, Prince Arthur, when he wuz little, +as his nurse. And she described him as having all the virtues of his sex +with none of its frailties. She said she had his picture which she would +show us some day. She described his mother as a "proud piece," almost +putting her down on a level with "poor white trash," which wuz the +deepest depth her plummet of contumely could reach. And she described +her as holding her son by her apron string, as she termed it. + +She said he had been home this summer on bizness down South and had come +to see her, which Billy said wuz true, a very handsome and elegant young +gentleman having called twice to see his old nurse during the spring and +summer. + +She said he come to see her on his arrival at St. Louis on some bizness +connected with the Fair, and then he santered off to Saratoga for a few +weeks, and then on to ole Virginny and New Zealand, and then back to St. +Louis to attend to his bizness agin about the Fair. She said he wuz pale +and sad the last time she see him, and she mistrusted his ma had been +cuttin' up. She sez: + +"You know she _lacks_." That wuz Aunt Tryphena's greatest condemnation +to say folks lacked. She never told what they lacked, but left it to the +imagination of the hearer; from her expression you would imagine they +lacked all the cardinal virtues and them that wuzn't cardinal. She said +his ma wuz sick and kep' the Prince right under her feet, and he'd gone +back now to be with her leaving St. Louis only a week or so before we +come. + +Bein' asked why she left Miss Louise she wuz more reticent, only +remarking that after Prince Arthur went to college she wanted a change, +so she had strolled over to South America, and from there to Asia and so +on to Chicago where she wuz hired as nurse to Miss Dotie, and when her +ma died and the child wuz taken by its great-aunt, Miss Huff, she had +been willing to help the latter through the Exposition, for she wuz a +nice woman and didn't lack. + +But we could see that her real reason wuz to be with the child--faithful +creeter she wuz, though queer, queer as they make. And to see the little +creature's white snow and rose face resting lovingly and confidingly +aginst the black cheeks, you knew that Aunt Tryphena had good in her. +Little children are good detectives, like the sun that photographs +hidden virtues and failings in the human face, so a child's intuition +brought from the heaven they have so lately left, takes the best +impressions of a person's real character. Children and animals live so +near Nature's heart they can detect real diamonds from the false, no +paste glitter can deceive 'em. Aunt Pheeny had qualities, or Dotie +wouldn't have loved her so well, and I felt it a great compliment that +she seemed to like me. + +Well, as observed heretofore we had took a hefty job that day, and we +proceeded first to the Educational Buildin'. It wuz a noble lookin' +structure with a row of snowy pillows all 'round it; a good many think +it is the handsomest buildin' on the Fair ground, and as I said to +Josiah, it ort to be considerin' the greatness and importance of the +work it displays, for our free schools, our educational advantages, are +the pride and glory of our country. + +"Yes, Samantha," sez he, "I hearn a man say yesterday education wuz the +very bull work of our country, meanin' you know, Samantha, it wuz strong +as a bull." + +"Oh, you hain't got it jest right, Josiah, bulwark don't mean jest that, +but you've got the sperit of it," I hastened to say, for he don't love +to be corrected. + +And here in this buildin' we see everything relating to schools from +kindergarten to university, training schools, where children wuz to +work, schools for the blind, deaf and dumb in operation; the work of +labratories going on before you; departments in drawing, music, +agricultural colleges; experiment stations, forestry, engineering +schools and institutions, libraries, museums, education of the Indian +and negro, evening industrial schools, business and commercial schools, +people's institutes, and every way and manner of mind training. +Photograph, charts, maps, and not only all our own educational exhibits, +but England, France, Germany, Russia, China, and in short all the +foreign countries. + +We stayed a good while there and I would have loved to stay longer, but +Josiah got worrisome and wanted to go on to Electricity Buildin' which +wuz next in our programmy. And here I took more solid comfort than in +any place I'd been, beholdin' the marvelous works wrought by the +greatest discovery of the ages. That wonderful Force that has power to +overcome space, save or slay. It is intelligent, can talk over the ocean +and under it, talk with wires, and if a wire hain't handy it will take a +beam of light and talk on that, and it can git along without either one, +for here is the biggest wireless telegraph station ever built; visitors +can talk on it from city and city, jest throwin' their words out into +the air and this onseen agency carries 'em along to the one sent to and +nobody else--wonderful hain't it? Wonderful to meditate on the great +onseen forces all about us, mysterious viewless shapes, nigh to us, +helpin' us, journeyin' on errents of mercy to and fro on paths we can't +see, leadin' up and down from star to star from heaven to earth mebby. + +And curious, hain't it, that the noble and ardent discoverers who have +tried to git friendly with them Great Forces and introduce 'em to the +world have been called ignorant and pagan, when if these scoffers knowed +it there is no paganism or ignorance to be compared to that of bigotry +and intolerance. + +And we see there dynamos of all kinds, motors, storage batteries, all +sorts of power machines. Electric railway equipments of every kind, +telephone stations for talking with wires and without 'em, all kinds of +electric lighting, arc lamps, electro-chemical displays. And in one +place they show the way Niagara wuz made to yield up her resistless +power to work for mankind. Labratories for all sorts of electrical +exhibits and research work. Electricity purifying water, making it safe +to drink, wuz one of its best exhibits. + +There wuz everything there it wuz possible to show in electricity and +magnetism, not only in our own country, but the work and discoveries of +all the foreign countries in this most interestin' of fields. + +There is another wireless telegraph and telephone station in the Model +City that we visited another time. You walk into this room and you don't +hear anything more than the ordinary noise the big crowd makes passin' +to and fro. And the air about you don't seem any different from jest +plain Jonesville air. Your human eyes and ears can't discover any +difference. + +But you jest take up a receiver and put it to your ear and lo, and +behold the atmosphere all about you is full of voices, near and fur off, +strains of music. It's a sight. + +And I sez to Josiah, "Who knows but some happy soul some happy day may +discover the secret of _seeing_? Who knows what divine visitors are this +minute coming and going over these onseen routes connecting our souls +with distant ones, connecting one land to another, one planet to another +like as not." + +And growin' some eloquent, I kep' on, "We don't hear the sound of their +footsteps lighter and more noiseless than the down of a blossom, shod as +they are with the softness of silence. We don't hear the rustle of their +garments, woven of frabic [sic] lighter than air. We can't see their +tender faces no more than we can see the sweet breath of the rose. If +they lay their tender hands on our foreheads they rest there so light +and tender we fancy it is only a breath of air touchin' our fevered +brows bringing a sudden rest and comfort. + +"If they speak to us when we're tired out and heartbroken we hear their +voices only in our souls that are suddenly and strangely consoled. If +their eyes ever look into our eyes filled with the divine pity and +sweetness of their all comprehendin' love and sympathy, we only know it +by the sudden sunshiny light and warmth that fills our being. But +sometime, somewhere, some happy soul may see and comprehend what we now +faintly apprehend." + +Josiah whispered, "Samantha Allen, do you realize what you're doin'? +You're attractin' attention and makin' talk, come along! this is no time +for eppisodin', if there ever _is_ a right time." + +And bein' brung down to earth agin I found to my great surprise I wuz +sayin' this out loud entirely unbeknown to myself. And I follered my +pardner out of the buildin'. + +But to resoom backwards. We thought we would go from the Palace of +Electricity to that of Transportation, and I feelin' real tired thought +I would take a chair a spell (eloquence is tuckerin' specially when +you're walkin' afoot), and I proposed that we should all take chairs for +a spell. But Josiah said he didn't want any chair, and Blandina of +course follered suit and said she felt jest like Uncle Josiah, she +wouldn't set down if she could. + +But I sez, "Well, I think I will take one," and Josiah ruther +onwillin'ly said he would git one for me, and sez he, "I'll see how much +the man will throw off if I push the chair myself." + +Sez I, "The man wouldn't trust a perfect stranger with a chair." + +Then Josiah wondered if he couldn't borry the loan of a wheelbarru that +would hold me up. He could trundle me along as well as not. + +Sez I, "I shall not enter the Palace of Transportation, Josiah Allen, in +a wheelbarrow." + +"Well, I could probable git in Machinery Hall a pair of big castors and +fix 'em onto your shoes, and Blandina and I could push you 'round like a +buro. What do you think of that?" sez he anxiously. + +"I shall not enter into any such operation!" sez I. "How it would look!" + +"I d'no as it would look so dretful, you standin' up straight and easy, +and Blandina and I pushin' you along, and 'tennyrate I guess it would +look as well as bein' throwed onto the town! chairs cost like the old +Harry." + +Sez I, "Don't worry, I shall pay with my own butter money." And so I +did, and rid to Transportation Buildin' with Josiah and Blandina walkin' +by my side. We entered one of its sixty doors, and the first thing we +sot our eyes on up in plain sight, but fur ahead wuz the wheels of a +great locomotive weighin' more than two hundred thousand pounds, +revolvin' 'round in dizzy speed. They said it went by compressed air, +another wonder, jest common air that you could dip up in your hand and +not think you had anything in it, and yet if managed right had power +enough to turn all the machinery we see goin'. Around this monster +engine wuz electric head-lights throwin' dazzlin' beams in every +direction. The hull thing well named, the Spirit of the Twentieth +Century. And all 'round it wuz grouped models showing the development of +the inventor's dream from the first rough effort at an engine up to the +most perfect specimen of to-day. All sorts of electrical railways, +freight and work cars, tracks, switches, signals, carriages, +ortomobiles, motor vehicles, naval architecture, models, boats, +steamships, men-of-war, battleships of the line. + +Exhibits of all sorts, illustrating inland transportation in India, +France, Germany, Switzerland, Spain and every other foreign country. You +could see to once that there wuz ways enough to travel, and if you +stayed to home it wuz your own fault. + +Well, we went from there to Machinery Buildin', that bein' writ down +next on my pad. But as we walked along, I considerable riz up in my +mind, owin' to what I'd seen, who should we come acrost but the widder +Whisher of Loontown, a woman we knew well. She wuz settin' on a bench +cryin' as if her heart would break, and I sez: + +"Why, sister Whisher, what is the matter?" (She wuz sister in the +meetin' house.) + +She had a paper in her hand and held it out to us, "Jest see that! I +found it in the pocket of my innocent boy!" pintin' to a coat layin' by +her. + +"Why," sez I, "that paper is took more than any other almost; I like it +myself first-rate, its editorials are the brightest and smartest you'll +find anywhere." + +"Oh, but it is so sensational! so vulgar, so demoralizin' to the tender +and innocent heart of youth. And to think that my spotless child that I +have guarded so sedgously from every breath of evil should have it +concealed in his pocket. I have always burnt every copy I've found." And +agin she sobbed, and agin I sez: + +"Sister Whisher, don't take it so to heart; he'll have to weather worst +storms than this on the sea of life. And you can't expect to be with him +always and stand to the hellum." + +"Oh, but Reginald Heber is so innocent, so pure-hearted; almost an +angel," sez she, "I have been so afraid that he wuz too perfect for this +sinful world!" And her tears flowed afresh. + +Well, I see I couldn't plug up this flowin' fountain of tears with +sympathy or reason, so we mogged along. Widder Whisher wuz always kinder +soft and she'd made a perfect idol of Reginald, who wuzn't any better +than common children so fur as I could see. + +And after goin' a few steps, Josiah and I in advance, Blandina a little +in our rears, who should we see comin' directly towards us but Reginald +Heber himself. He evidently didn't notice who we wuz, but wuz merely +takin' note of a new victim, for after takin' fair aim at my stomach he +bent his head down and went, "Choo, choo!--choo, choo!" like a engine +and run towards me at full speed, and bunted his round shingled head +right into my stomach with almost the force of an arrer shot out of a +catamount, yellin' all the while like a demon. + +"Git out of the way, you old four-eyed devil you!" + +Makin' light of my spectacles, I spoze, though truly I wuz too weak to +reason. After doublin' me up in agony he sought safety in flight. But my +indignant pardner ketched him by his little short-tailed coat and +dragged him back to his ma, hollerin' at her: + +"I'll give you a specimen of your innocent boy! He's jest the kind of an +innocent angel I'd love to take a hemlock shingle to, and would, if it +wuzn't for makin' talk." And he told the hull thing before I could +interfere. + +She wept afresh, but sez she, lookin' at the whimperin' and strugglin' +Reginald H., "How soon the demoralizin' effects of that paper shows----" + +But Josiah continued on in that same loud axent, his liniment red as +blood with anger, "If I had your darling to deal with a spell, there +would be a change in him, or a funeral appinted, and the body would be +ready at the time sot, I can tell you that!" + +Josiah wuz fearful excited and by the side of himself. Such voylent +language is almost a perfect stranger to him, but he feared for my +bones. But I found after walkin' 'round a spell that they wuz intact, +but the pain in my stomach hung about me all day, and that night, no +matter how high my standin' wuz in the W.C.T.U., I had to take a +peppermint sling. + +But to resoom backward. Machinery Buildin' wuz an immense beautiful +palace. And when I tell you its contents are valued at eight millions +you won't expect me to disscribe the hull on 'em, no, it hain't +reasonable. When we entered we see the first thing a engine of over +fifty thousand horse-power. + +Now, jest think on't, a one horse-power hain't to be despised. Why, I've +thought our old mair power when she wuz hitched onto a bob sled wuz +powerful. But jest think of fifty thousand horse-power. Why, if they wuz +hitched in front of each other with lines about the usual length, the +line would reach more than a hundred miles. Why, the very idee is +staggerin' to the intellect. + +But, there it was right there before our eyes grindin' out power to run +this monster Exposition, and not complainin' or needin' the whip as the +fifty thousand horses would, only jest knucklin' down stiddy to the +work, groanin' considerable loud, and who blames it. And you could see +everything in the line of engines from the little half horse-power gas +engine, about half the mair's strength, about cow power, mebby, and from +this up to a steam turbin of eight thousand horse-power, a rotary steam +engine. And in the Belgian exhibit wuz a gas engine of three thousand +horse-power, a common sized horse can be driv through its cylinders, it +takes about thirty tons of coal a day to run it. And there wuz a big +French steam engine turnin' three hundred and thirty times a minute. And +there wuz a great hydraulic press from Germany that exerts the terrific +pressure of ninety thousand pounds to the square inch--what would it be +to the yard? My brain hain't powerful enough to tackle the idee. + +Well, there wuz every kind of machinery in the world from all the +foreign countries as well as ours, and the methods of making and running +them. And we stayed there till my head seemed to turn 'round and 'round, +and I told my pardner I must git out into the open air or I should begin +to turn 'round and revolve in spite of me. I spoze I did look bad, and +Josiah said we would go and have lunch. He said there wuz a caff right +'round the corner, as he pronounced cafe it sounded like a young cow. +But the idee wuz good, and after we eat quite a good meal and rested a +little we started to tackle Agricultural Buildin' which wuz writ next on +my pad. + +It wuz quite a journey there, in fact, as I've said before, you have to +walk a long distance to git anywhere, but jest before we got there we +see sunthin' that made us forgit for the moment our achin' limbs. On the +side of a slopin' hill at the bottom of the long flight of stairs, that +lead up to the north entrance of Agricultural Hall is the most wonderful +clock that wuz ever seen on this globe, and I don't believe they've got +anything to beat it in Mars or Saturn. + +I can't give you much idee of it by writin', nobody can, but I can +probably describe it so you can see it goes ahead of your own clock on +the kitchen wall or mantelry piece. To begin with how long do you spoze +the minute hand is? The minute hand on our clock is about three inches +long, and the minute hand to this is fifty feet long, and its face is +about three hundred feet 'round and all made of the most beautiful +posies. + +Why, the figures that mark the hours are fifteen feet long, most three +times as long as my pardner, if he lay flat as a pan-cake to be measured +by a pole, jest think of that and these figgers are all made of bright +colored foliage plants. The ornaments 'round the face of the clock is a +border of twenty-five different plants, each one fifteen feet wide. Some +different from the ornamental wreath 'round our clock face, that hain't +more'n half an inch wide, if it is that. Our clock has a picture +underneath of old Time with his scythe a mowin' down the hours and +minutes as his nater his. And I told Josiah how beautiful and symbolical +it wuz to think old Time had laid down his scythe for a spell, and wuz +measurin' off the hours here in this Fairy Land with beautiful posies. + +And Josiah said, "The hours ort to be marked here with canes and +crutches," he said his legs ached like the toothache. + +The distances are awful and I couldn't deny it, and you do git tuckered +out, but then, as I told Josiah, jest think what you're tuckered for. + +And he said, "When you're as dead as a door-nail he didn't know what +good some steeples and flags wuz goin' to do you, or floral clocks." I +mistrusted he'd walked too fur lately, and had strained the cords of his +legs, and his patience too much, though the last-named wuz easy hurt and +always wuz. + +But Josiah took out his watch and looked at it and said he'd promised to +meet a man on important bizness, and he'd meet us at a certain spot in +Agricultural Hall in jest one hour. + +I asked him what bizness it wuz, and he hesitated a little and said as +he hurried away that it wuz "Bizness connected with the meetin' house," +and I asked him "What meetin' house?" and he didn't answer me, he wuz +walkin' off so fast--_mebby_ he didn't hear me. + +Well, Blandina and I stayed lookin' at this wonderful clock for some +time, and she said that the man that invented this clock wuz a powerful +genius and how she did wish she could meet him. She said such a man +needed a kind and lovin' companion to take every care offen him and pet +him and make of him. + +The machinery of this clock, what makes it go, is up above a little ways +on the hill in a small pavilion. There are glass doors, and you can look +in and see the works of the clock. A great bell there strikes off the +hours and quarter hours, and there is a big hour-glass there too. One +thousand electric lights light it up at night so folks can see day or +night jest how time is passin' away. + +Agricultural Building is the largest on the ground. The two palaces of +Agriculture and Horticulture stand up on a beautiful hill surrounded by +orchards, gardens, vineyards, shrubs, vines of all sorts. This outside +exhibit covers fifty acres. There are beautiful lakes full of the rarest +aquatic plants, from the great Egyptian lotus, whose leaves are large +and strong enough to hold up a good-sized child, and all kinds of +smaller plants, but jest as beautiful; indeed, there is everything rare +and lovely in that display that ever grew in water or on land, and they +make it one of the most beautiful places of the hull Exposition. + +The enormous display outside and inside covers seventy acres, and every +inch on 'em beautiful and instructive. The twenty acres covered by +Agricultural Hall contains everything relating to the soil and its +cultivation, everything that Mother Earth gives to man, all the tools, +implements of every kind used in agriculture, ploughs, reapers, mowers, +threshers, etc., run by horse-power, steam or electricity. + +Among the ploughs we see a small old-fashioned one made of wood, used by +Daniel Webster when he wuz a poor farmer boy. Workin' hard at his humble +work but his boyish mind, most probable, sot on sunthin' fur above, +lookin' at the hard soil ahead on him that he must break up, with them +wonderful, sad, eloquent eyes of hisen, and seein' visions, no doubt, +and dreamin' dreams. Callin' out to his oxen or horses, "gee," or "whoa" +as the case might be, and they not sensin' the fact that this voice wuz +goin' to give utterance to silver-tongued, heart thrillin' eloquence in +the highest places of Europe and his native land. + +As I looked at it pensively I pictured the tired boy holdin' the onhandy +handles of the plow and trudgin' along behind his team through the long +sultry days, and thought to myself, what hopes and dreams and ambitions +wuz turned over by that old plow as well as green-sward. + +Right by that little plow wuz a big powerful one that went by +electricity. A sight that would probable looked as strange to Daniel, +could it have appeared to him then, as any of his wildest day-dreams +materilized. + +And there wuz all the methods of irrigation, draining, engines, +wind-mills, pumps, farm wagons, all kinds of fruit, sugar canes, +vegetable sugar, candy stores, confectionery displays, vegetables of all +kinds that wuz ever hearn on, some on 'em of such monster size that you +never dremp on 'em, unless it wuz in a night-mair. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +Well, the time had arrived when we promised to meet Josiah at the +appinted rondevoo. Indeed Blandina, went a little ahead of time, for as +second chaperone she said it might be he would get there a little early, +and bein' naturally high-sperited he might get impatient, and she said +men ort to be guarded from anything that would wear on their tempers, +jest as much as possible. + +So I looked 'round a little more, and when I got to the place appinted, +there sot Blandina readin' extracts from "The Noble Achievements of Men" +in a paper cover, which she carried 'round in her pocket. But no Josiah +wuz there. + +Minutes passed; my happiness and peace of mind passin' off faster than +the minute hand, and no Josiah. A quarter of a hour passed, and still no +sign of that dear man. And when half an hour had gone by I busted into +tears, and Blandina I could see wuz torn with anxiety and offered to go +out into the streets of St. Louis and hunt for him. She mistrusted he +had wandered off the Fair ground, and that clever creeter wuz willin' to +leave all the allurements that wuz allurin' her here to hunt for him. + +I sez, "I don't believe he is there. But, oh, where shall we find him? +and what state will he be in when found!" Knowin' the past as we did, we +feared for the worst. But jest then Billy Huff happened to pass by and +stopped and asked what wuz the matter. + +"Oh!" sez I, with the tears runnin' down my cheeks in copious as +torrents, "my pardner is lost!" + +"Where did you lose him?" sez he. + +I told him how it wuz and he sez, "I'll bet I can find him for you; I +remember his talkin' last night about a certain place." + +[Illustration] + +Sez I in tearful axents, "Oh, do! do try, and ease the heart of a +distracted companion." + +But when he mentioned the place he thought he wuz I repelled the +insinuation with scorn. It wuz one of the most hilarious and vain places +of revelry at the Fair, where there wuz lots of bally girls and +etcetery, and I sez: + +"No, indeed! He may have gone into some meetin' house and wandered up +into the steeple onbeknown to him, or some educational exhibit, or Bible +rooms, but never, never in that place." + +But yieldin' to his arguments I consented to go with him sayin' we would +stay at the door while he reconoitered. But jest as we got to the door +who should we see comin' out radiant and smilin' but Josiah Allen and +Uncle Sime Bentley. + +Billy sez, "What did I tell you?" + +I couldn't frame a reply, I had no frame that fitted the remark, but as +Billy disappeared to once it didn't matter. When Josiah ketched my eye +and the look it wore, the blush of shame mantiled his cheek--or wuz it +remorse?--I couldn't tell, they look some alike. + +And he sez, "We went in, Samantha, to look for a missin' man, and my +corn ached like furiation jest as we wuz passin' the door, and I +couldn't seem to walk another step, and it looked some like rain and I +knew you wouldn't want me to spile my new coat----" + +And Uncle Sime chimed in, "We wuz took faint both on us jest as we got +to the door and had to set down, and I mistrusted I should find cousin +Zekiel there," and then happenin' to remember, both at the same time, +they begun to say how they went for the good of the meetin' house. + +Sez I in frigid axents, "Say no more!" And I turned onto my heel and +walked coldly away. + +But Blandina whispered to me, "Oh, be merciful, Aunt Samantha, men have +such powerful intellects, that Shows that would almost ruin a woman, +don't affect them hardly any. Speak tenderly to him," sez she, "and I +myself will gently accost Mr. Bentley." + +So she stepped back to his side and Josiah advanced and walked by me +still pourin' out excuses. Why he gin enough reasons to excuse a +regiment let alone one small deacon. + +But Blandina seemed to lose her efforts, for Uncle Sime talked real +grouty to her, he has never had a idee of marryin' anybody since his +wife died and he mistrusts wimmen are runnin' after him. You know male +widowers do git that idee into their heads, them that are as humbly as +Time in the Primer, and a onmarried woman can't ask 'em about the +weather, or sheep, or anything but what they mistrust some hidden +warmth, and pride themselves on how attractive they be. It's a sight. + +As nigh as I could find out the minute Josiah Allen left me he took the +railway and hurried to the wicked place where he and Uncle Sime wuz to +meet, expectin' to git back in ample time to meet us. But they wuz so +took up with the show they dallied, and so retribution and a indignant +pardner overtook 'em. Well, we took the Intremoral railway and went back +to finish Agricultural Hall, for that bein' writ on my pad I wanted to +complete it so fur as we could, of course it would took months to do +justice to it. + +We got there in a few minutes, and Josiah, as might be expected, wanted +to see the food exhibits, so we went where there wuz all kinds of food +made of vegetable products, all kind of grain, flour mills where you +could see wheat go in one end and bread come out the other, bakeries, +kitchens, tea and coffee pavilions and every sort of animal food +products, milk and cream in every form, fresh and preserved cheese and +butter dairies, all sorts of dairy tools, churns, separators, cheese +presses and vats, everything connected with makin' butter and cheese, +transporting and distributing. Starch factories, broom factories, market +gardening in all branches. + +Grasses, all sorts of fodder for cattle, raised in every country of the +world, and the best methods of raising. Everything relating to poultry, +artificial hatching and raising. Every kind of crop raised in every +country of the world and the best methods of raising and handling them. +As in cotton, you can see it from the tiny seed clear to the cotton +mill, so in corn, you see everything that is manufactured from it and +how it is done--meal, breakfast foods, starch, bread, pastry, baking +powders, yeast, from a kernel of corn up to mills and manufactories. And +so it wuz in everything raised in our own country and all over the +world. + +And there wuz a display of insects, bees and everything relating to +honey and wax. Silk worms and their work and products, cochineal and all +kinds of useful insects and their work, and hurtful insects and methods +of destroying them, and so on and so on and so on. I couldn't tell all I +see if I should try a week, and what we see wuzn't a drop to a fountain. +The immense buildin' is divided off into streets and blocks jest like a +city, and you might roam through them streets a month and find sunthin' +new and interestin' every day and hour. + +Well, from there we went to Horticultural Hall, or we had started for +there when Josiah made a observation about the size of a potato he had +seen in Agricultural Hall, that I had to in the cause of Truth and Duty +object to, the size he mentioned was a twelve-quart pail, and I said: + +"Josiah, take off a few quarts from that pail. For the good of your soul +take off two quarts anyway." + +"Not a quart!" sez he, "nor a spunful." + +Well, we had words about it, Blandina as usual siding with her uncle, +and it ended with their goin' back with a string, which Josiah produced +from his pocket to measure it, I offering to stay by a certain statute +till they got back. And as I stood there lookin' at the stiddy passin' +crowd and philosophizin' on it as my nater is, I wuz accosted by a +strange lookin' man, as I took it to be (I say It for reasons named +hereafter). + +"Josiah Allen's wife, I am happy to meet you; I knew you at once though +it is so long since we met." In the meantime it had gripped holt of my +hand with fervor. + +I drawed back and sez, "Sir!" (I thought it favored that gender most) +"Sir, I think you are mistook." + +"Oh, no, you are Josiah Allen's wife; I am Dr. Mary Walker." + +"Oh!" sez I in a relieved axent, as I returned the warm grasp of her +hand, "I am glad to meet you, Mary." + +She's done some good things in her life, takin' care of poor wounded +soldiers, etc., and I honored her for 'em. Though I don't approve of her +costoom, as I told her in the conversation that ensued, after we'd +talked considerable about the Fair and kindred matters. For I see as we +stood there behavin' ourselves, curious eyes wuz bent on her and +onbecomin' epithets hurled at her by them who knowed no better. She +seemed oblivious to 'em, but I asked her if she wouldn't rather wear +less noticeable attire. + +And she said she cared not for ribald remarks as long as her motives wuz +pure. + +And I said we could carry pure motives under a headdress of peacock's +feathers standin' up straight over our foreheads, but wouldn't it be +better to carry 'em under a bunnet? + +"No better!" sez she. "Not a whit." + +"Well, easier?" sez I. "Wouldn't it be easier for ourselves and +bystanders?" + +Sez she, "I care not for Public Opinion!" + +"But," sez I, "as long as we've got to live clost neighbor to Public +Opinion wouldn't it be easier for us to fall in with his idees a little +on comparatively unimportant things than to keep him riled up all the +time? It seems to me that if folks want to impress their personality on +the world it is better to do it by noble deeds and words than by +startlin' costooms." + +Sez she, "My dress is fur more comfortable than the ordinary dress of +females." + +Sez I reasonably, "Short dresses are a boon and a blessin', but in my +opinion they can be short enough for comfort and still not infringe on +man's chosen raiment. And as for pantaloons, men are welcome to 'em so +fur as I'm concerned, and also tall hats, they hain't nothin' I hanker +for either on 'em." + +Sez she, "We have a right to wear any clothes we see fit." + +Sez I, "We have a right to plow green sword, shingle a steep barn ruff, +or break a yoke of steers. But the question is, will it pay in comfort +or economy to do this? As for me, I'd ruther be in the house in a +comfortable dress and clean apron, cookin' a good dinner for Josiah, or +settin' down knittin' his socks whilst he duz the harder work he is by +nater and education fitted for. But everybody to their own mind. And so +fur as I am concerned I'd ruther attract attention by doin' sunthin' +worth while, sunthin' really noble and good, than by tyin' a red rag +round my fore-top. But as I say, folks are different, and I am fur from +sayin' that my way is the only right way." + +Mary kinder waived off some of my idees and went on and spoke of her +work on the battlefield and how necessary her dress wuz in such a place. + +And I sez, "Mary, I've always honored you for your noble work there. But +I believe I could lift up the head of a dyin' man easier in a loose +gingham dress and straw bunnet tied on, than I could in your tight +pantaloons and high hat, but howsumever the main thing is that the man +is lifted, and he doubtless wouldn't quarrel about the costoom of his +preserver. The main thing in this world, Mary, is the work we do, the +liftin', or tryin' to lift; the day's work we do in the harvest field of +Endeavor. And I spoze a few trousers more or less hain't goin' to count +when we carry in our sheaves. Though I must say to the last, Mary +Walker, I could carry 'em easier in my dress than I could in yourn." + +[Illustration] + +In the heat of our good-natered conversation Mary had slipped her hand +through my arm and neither of us noticed it, so wropped up wuz we in the +topics under discussion, when I hearn Blandina's voice behind me sayin', +"Oh, what a noble lookin' man Aunt Samantha is talkin' to and how +affectionate actin'; how sweet it will be to meet him." And then I hearn +a sharp raspin' voice clost to me sayin': + +"Sir, I will thank you to onhand my wife!" + +I wouldn't hardly have knowed my pardner's voice, such burnin' anger +showed in it and wuz depictered on his liniment as I turned round and +faced him. And he went on: + +"Samantha, have I lived with you most a century to be deceived in you +now?" + +His turrible emotions had onhinged his reasonin' faculties, we hain't +lived together so long as that, but I didn't dane to argy, I only sez +with calm dignity: + +"Miss Walker, this is my pardner, Josiah Allen." + +"_Miss_!" sez he in a overbearin' axent, "_Miss_ Walker!" He looked as +if he thought it wuz a conspiracy hatched up between us to deceive him. + +"Yes," sez I coolly, "Miss Walker, Dr. Mary Walker." + +"Oh!" sez Josiah, in his surprise and relief not offerin' to bow or +shake hands or nothin'. "Dear Samantha, I've hearn on her." And he +turned and linked his hand in my other arm so for a minute we looked +like three twins perambulatin' along. In the meantime I introduced +Blandina, who looked bewildered and disappointed. + +But Dr. Mary Walker remembered a engagement, and to my relief took leave +on us. And I said a few words to Josiah on the danger and cruelty to me +of his hasty opinion and suspicion and in the cause of Duty I mentioned +the late eppisode of himself and Uncle Sime, and he seemed mortified and +apologetic for as many as three minutes. But it didn't last, it never +duz with his sect. And we went on to Horticultural Hall, Josiah on the +way reluctantly showin' me the string he had measured the potato with. +He had to take off several quarts offen that pail, jest as I told him he +would, and it made him fraxious. + +But he lost his shagrin on the way, it wuz buried under the acres of +posies and beautiful shrubs and trees through which we wuz passin'. +Every rare posy you ever hearn on wuz there and them you never dremp on, +and trees, some beautiful and familiar, and them with strange and +beautiful foliage. Little lakes, where gold and silver fish played and +dotted over with the rarest and loveliest water plants and blossoms, +shrubs runnin' over with bloom, why, there wuz acres of jest rosies. And +in the middle of a six-acre rose garden stood a handsome statute of one +of my own sect, Flora by name, jest lookin' down as if she owned the +hull on't, and wuz proud and happy to be there, as well she +might--she'll never git into such a delightful spot agin, I don't +believe. + +And there wuz pleasant walks windin' round every which way and once in +awhile a big tree shadin' a cozy nook where you could sit down and enjoy +the beauty and perfume. It wuz good to be there, and it seemed as if the +hull world had the same mind about comin' and wuz all there walkin' +about or else settin' down enjoyin' themselves. + +Horticultural Buildin' is big enough and full enough to keep folks busy +a month. Right in the centre, in a place as long as from our house clear +over to she that wuz Submit Tewksbury's and I d'no but furder, wuz a +display of fruit, all kinds of fruit of every shape and size that grow +in every climate from frigid to torrid, and every country from Greenland +to Asia, it wuz a sight. Then there wuz a display of every kind of +horticultural machinery and implements, glass housen, aquariums, +ferneries, all sorts of ornaments for gardens. + +All kinds of small fruits and how to grow 'em, everything relating to +the culture of vines, vineyards, wine cellars. All sorts of ornamental +plants and flowers, models of fruit in wax and plaster, baskets and +bunches of flowers, conservatories, all flowering plants from every +country and the way to grow them. All sorts of seeds, grass, fruit trees +of all kinds, and the best way to prune and plant them. + +Josiah told me he thought we could git round and see what wuz in this +buildin' in four weeks, but I felt dubersome about it and told him we +would have to go a pretty good jog if we did. Blandina thought she could +git round in three weeks if she had some good man's arm to lean on the +most of the time. + +But 'tennyrate, after stayin' there and lookin' round a long time, I +told Josiah I wuz tired enough to go home, so we went. + +I wuz most melted too, for St. Louis weather is tuckering to them that +can't stand heat. It made Josiah real worrisome time and agin. And one +thing he said about it put a idee into my head that I never had thought +on, I thought it wuz real smart. + +Somebody wuz lamentin' the fact in our hearin' that so many thieves and +villains of all sorts had congregated at St. Louis this summer, and +Josiah sez: + +"It's a first rate thing for sinners to come here to git acclimated, as +it were, before they die." + +I hadn't thought on't, but felt there wuz sunthin' in it, for truly the +burnin' climate of the place I don't want to speak on by name, must be +easier to bear after visitin' St. Louis than to plunge into it from +cooler and more northern States. And still I don't know why we should +want to make it easier for 'em, I spoze it wuz our pityin' naters that +made us think ont. + +The weather wuz simply burnin' hot, no other word describes it, oveny, +furnacy hot! and Josiah said, and well said, it set folks to thinkin' +and inclined 'em to take warnin' and mend their ways. Sez he, "Two days +of St. Louis weather wuz worth more to sinners than the sermons of a +month of winter Sundays." + +Truly in heat it wuz a great object lesson. I wore my brown lawn dress +day after day, havin' no chance to wear my rich alpacky, as I wanted to, +to kinder show off before Miss Huff, and Blandina presented the wilted +appearance of a long slim cabbage leaf plunged in bilin' water. + +I believe Josiah's groanin's and takin's on and mutterin's helped him to +bear it better than if he had held in. Not that I told him so, no, I +told him it wuz onmanly to carry on so. But truly the heat wuz fearful, +our clothin' stuck to us and prespiration and sweat run down our faces. + +The next day it wuz so hot I felt kinder mauger and stayed to home. +Blandina and Miss Huff went half a day, and in the afternoon Blandina +went to a big department store in the city to git some thinner +underwear, and I got awful skairt about her. Miss Huff gin her the most +minute directions about where it wuz and what car to take, it wuzn't a +great ways off, and she ort to got back at four o'clock anyway. + +But time run along, four struck, then five and then six, and I wuz +gittin' dretful worried about her when she come in tired enough. + +Sez I, "I wuz awful worried about you, Blandina. Did you git lost?" + +"No." She said she got onto the right car and the conductor wuz a +dretful handsome and fascinatin' man, and she went to git off at the +right street, and kinder backed off, she always duz git off that way, +and the conductor thinkin' she wanted to git on, he smiled so sweet and +held out his hand to help her on so she would git on again. And that +happened over and over. She not wantin' to hurt his feelin's and slight +him by not takin' holt of his hand and climbin' on agin. Till finally +she did show some good sense, she asked the man standin' on the platform +if he would help her off, for she had been tryin' to git off for the +last five stations. So she had to take a car back, but the conductor wuz +humbly and gruff and she got along all right, but it belated her. + +Sez I, "What made you do it, Blandina?" + +"Oh," sez she, "he looked so winnin' and invitin' I didn't want to hurt +his feelin's." + +Sez I, "You'll sup sorrer yet, Blandina, by your wantin' to obleege +everybody. You ort to look out for yourself some, you're alltogether too +good to be comfortable." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +Well, Josiah went that day with Billy Huff, he santered off without any +system or plan, and wouldn't take my pad though I offered it to him. But +I guess they jest poked round miscelaneous, as you may say, seein' jest +what they happened to run into. And in some of their travels they met +Barzelia Trimble, a woman lecturer, she's young and good lookin' and +smart as a whip, and I guess she made much of Josiah, 'tennyrate she gin +him tickets to her lecture. + +She said she'd met a man whose brother-in-law's cousin had bought a dog +once of a neighbor of mine, and so feelin' so well acquainted with me +she sent me the tickets, and did hope we would come. She said she felt +that she knew us both so well that it would be a treat to her. + +The way she come to see Josiah that day, Billy had met her at school +where she lectured. + +Josiah wuz very anxious that we should both go. He remembered the dog. + +But I sez, "I thought you didn't believe in wimmen's lecturin' and +havin' rights, Josiah." + +"Well, I don't believe in 'em, but the tickets wuz gin to us, fifty +cents right out of her pocket, and she'll expect us. She said it would +make her feel more homelike to have us present." + +"Well," sez I, "I don't know as I feel so very intimate with her, I +never see the dog, but her idees on wimmen's rights is sensible, I've +read about 'em." + +And that kinder headed Josiah off onto a new tact; we had had a dretful +good supper, and I believe Miss Trimble had made a sight on him, I +believe she had flattered and pompeyed him and for the time bein' he +felt soft in sperit towards the sex. + +And 'tennyrate men's moods are like the onfathomable sea, sometimes +turbulent, throwin' up stunny arguments and sandy ones, and agin flowin' +calm and smooth as ile, and this wuz one of the gently swashin' ones. + +"Id'no," sez he, "and I told her so, what wimmen want rights for, or to +vote; I never wanted wimmen to vote, I told her they wuz too good, they +wuz too near angels to have rights. You know I've always said so, +Samantha, and I wuz readin' a piece a day or two ago, writ by one of the +first ministers in the country, and he said that wimmen hadn't ort to +want any rights; they ort to be riz up on a pedestal and I say so too." + +And I sez, "No, Josiah, I can't go into that with all the rest I have to +do, and it seems onreasonable in that minister to want wimmen to climb +up onto pedestals when they have to do their own housework." + +"Well, I say it hain't onreasonable. You ort to be up on one, Samantha." + +(How much Miss Trimble must have made on him. He wuz so oncommon clever, +and he never wuz megum, poor creeter!) I didn't really want to git into +an argument at that time o' day, but I see he wuz on the wrong tact, and +I felt I must convince him, so I sez in reasonable axents: + +"I jest as lives be on a pedestal as not, I'd kinder love to if I could +set, I always did enjoy bein' riz up, if I had nothin' to do only to +stay up there some time, but wimmen have to git round so much it +wouldn't work. How could I take a tower histed up like the car of +Juggernaut or a Pope in a procession. I couldn't get carriers for one +thing, and I wouldn't give a cent to be carried round anyway with my +dizzy spells, I should more'n as likely as not fall off. But that hain't +the main reason I'm agin it, it is too tuckerin' a job for wimmen." + +"Tuckerin' to be enthroned on a pedestal with the male sect lookin' up +to you and worshippin' you. You call that tuckerin'?" sez he. + +"Yes," sez I, "I do. How under the sun can I or any other woman be up on +a pedestal and do our own housework, cookin', washin' dishes, sweepin', +moppin', cleanin' lamps, blackin' stoves, washin', ironin', makin' beds, +quiltin' bed quilts, gittin' three meals a day, day after day, biled +dinners and bag puddin's and mince pies and things, to say nothin' of +custard and pumpkin pies that will slop over on the level, do the best +you can; how could you keep 'em inside the crust histin' yourself up and +down? And cleanin' house time----" + +"Mebby," sez I honestly, "it would come handy in whitewashin' or fixin' +the stovepipe, but where would it be in cleanin' mop-boards, or puttin' +down carpets, or washin' winders, or doin' a three weeks washin', or +bilin' soap? or pickin' geese? They act like fury shot up on the barn +floor. How could you git our old gander up on a pedestal? His temper is +that fiery, to say nothin' of settin' or standin' on it and holdin' on +to the old thing and pickin' it. And raisin' chickens and washin' old +trousers and overalls, and cleanin' sullers and paintin' floors and +paperin', and droudgin' round all the time, as a woman has to to keep +her house comfortable. + +"And pickin' black-caps and strawberries, and churnin' big churnin's of +butter, and pickin' wool, to say nothin' of onexpected company comin', +and no girl. Let a lot of company come to stay all day the relations on +your side and the work not done, and me posin' like a statute, lookin' +down on you and your sect, you'd feel like a fool and jaw, you know you +would. I presoom you'd throw your boot-jack at me and threaten to part +with me, and how mean that would be in you when I did it at your +request. 'Tain't anything any woman would go into if she wuz let alone." + +"And then think of the thrashers and silo fillers comin' in hungry as +bears, what would they say? No dinner cookin' and I on a pedestal, why +it would be the town's talk. Or you comin' home from Jonesville on a +cold night fraxious as a dog and sayin' you should die off if you didn't +have supper in ten minutes. How could I git it on time perched up there? + +"I say it can't be done, and it is onreasonable for men to want it, and +at the same time want wimmen to do her own housework. For these men, +every one on 'em, would act like fury if their house wuzn't clean and +their clothes in order, and meals on time. And you must know it would +jest about kill a woman to be doin' all this and histin' herself up and +down a hundred times a day, and mebby half dead with rumatiz too. Why, +it would be worse for me than all the rest of my work, and you hadn't +ort to ask it of me." + +Josiah looked real huffy and sez, "I hain't the only man that's wantin' +it done; men have always been sot on it. There's been more'n a wagon +load of poetry writ on it and you know it. Men have always said a sight +about it, I hain't alone in it," he snapped out. + +"No," sez I honestly, "I've hearn it before. But you see it wouldn't +work, don't you? And I believe I could convince every man if I could git +to 'em and talk it over with 'em. And I don't see where the beauty on't +would come in; of course a woman couldn't change her clothes and put on +Greek drapery right in the midst of cleanin' the buttery shelves or +moppin' off the back steps. And to see a woman standin' up on a pedestal +with an old calico dress pinned up round her waist and a slat sunbunnet +on and her pardner's rubber boots, and her sleeves rolled up, and her +face red as blood with hard work, and her hands all swelled up with hot +soap suds and lye, what beauty would there be in it? It always did seem +onreasonable besides bein' so tuckerin' no woman could stand it for a +day." + +He looked mad as a hen and sez he, "They could manage it if their minds +wuz strong enough." + +Sez I, "It seems to me it would depend more on the strength of their +legs, specially if the pedestal wuz a high one. I never could git up +onto it at all if I should go into it without gittin' up on a chair and +then on a table. No woman no matter how strong she wuz could git more +than two meals a day under the circumstances." + +Josiah looked worried and sez, "Well, mebby there has been too much said +about it, mebby it would be jest as well to leave pedestals to +statters." + +And I sez, "It is as well agin. Wimmen couldn't stand it with all they +have to do." + +And so we ended by bein' real congenial in our two minds and thinkin' +considerable alike, which is indeed a comfort to pardners. And we read +our chapter in the Bible and had family prayers jest as we do to home. +For I would not leave off all the good old habits of my life because my +body wuz moved round a little. And we had a good night's rest and sot +out in good season the next mornin' for the Exposition. + +The next mornin' grandpa Huff said to the breakfast table that he did +wish he had someone to read to him that day, everybody wuz goin' to the +Fair and he wuz goin' to be left alone. So Blandina, clever creeter that +she is, said she would stay and read to him from his favorite volume, +Foxe's Book of Martyr's, and also from Lamentations and Job. Billy said +his grandpa wuz never happy only when he wuz perfectly miserable. We +have all seen such folks. + +So Josiah and I sot off alone, and he bein' in good sperits and bein' +gin to new and strange projects, proposed that we should take an +ortomobile. I didn't favor the idee and said: + +"Id'no about it, Josiah, I feel kinder skairful about ortos, I fear that +it might prove our last ride." + +"But," sez he, "with a good shuffler there hain't any danger." + +But I still wuz dubersome and sez, "Mebby it would end by our shufflin' +off our mortal coils, as Mr. Shakespeare tells on." + +"You don't wear 'em, Samantha, nor never did, nor I don't wear a +pompodoor" (he meant this for a joke for his head is most as bare as a +sass plate). + +And he went on, "It would be a very stylish and genteel ride. I'd love +to tell brother Gowdey about it. The bretheren will expect it of me as a +live progressive Jonesvillian minglin' here with the noblest in the land +to cut sunthin' of a dash." + +But seein' that I still looked dubersome he sez, "I don't feel very +rugged this mornin' and I dread the crowded car; Id'no but I should +faint away in 'em if I sot out." + +That of course settled the matter. As his anxious chaperone I consented +to the project and he went and got the showiest one he could find. He +didn't look for character or stability, only for gildin' and red paint. +And we embarked, Josiah with a proud liniment, as if he wuz introducin' +me into gay life and fashionable amusements. The man wuz to take us to +the Fair ground for so much, and Josiah feelin' so neat had paid him in +advance, and there wuz another party waitin' for him. And the speed that +shuffler put on wuz sunthin' awful. + +The first few minutes before we got to goin' that terrific speed Josiah +liked it, and seemed to look patronizin'ly down on the people walkin' +afoot that we passed by and pity 'em. But anon the man got to goin' +faster and faster and Josiah's liniment underwent a change and he +hollered out to me, for the noise wuz so loud and skairful he had to +yell: + +"Samantha, I don't believe it is right for members of the meetin' house +to be goin' at such a gait." + +And I hollered back to him, "It hain't none of my doin's, it hain't +nothin' I wanted," I a hangin' onto my bunnet strings and tryin' to keep +my bunnet on. As for the tabs of my mantilly I had gin up tryin' to curb +'em down, and they waved out like a pirate's flag in a cyclone only a +different color. + +Finally Josiah hollered to the shuffler, "I want you to curb in your +machine! I'm a deacon, and have got my station in the Jonesville meetin' +house to think on. Hold it in, I say!" + +The shuffler glanced round at us as calm as a goggle-eyed clam and never +dained to answer, and seemin'ly urged on the orto to redoubled speed. + +Oh, the awfulness of the seen! the terrific noise soundin' on my ear +pans till it seemed as if them pans must break down, the dirt a flyin', +my pardner standin' up with his whiskers and coat tails wavin' in the +breeze. His hat blowed off and by almost superhuman exertions I ketched +it and carried it in my hand, thinkin' it wuz safer than on his head. + +He a yellin', "Stop, I tell you! Whoa! back up! Dum your dum picter, +whoa I say!" + +For the last few milds Josiah rid standin' all I could do and say. +Yellin' at the shuffler, hollerin' whoa to him, and appealin' to Heaven +and me simultaneous as it were, for mercy and succor. + +[Illustration] + +And that shuffler payin' no more attention to him than as if he wuz a +fly, not a hoss fly, but jest a common fly. Only he would look back at +us once in awhile through them big goggles of hisen that most curdled my +blood to see 'em. + +At last Josiah, seemin' to give up all hope, sunk back and grasped holt +of my tab and sez, "Good-bye, Samantha, if you git through alive +remember I died tryin' to save you." His emotions and the dirt choked +him, and he faintly added: + +"Tell the bretheren and see that it is put in the Jonesville Augur, that +I died a hero's death tryin' to save my pardner." And his grasp on my +tabs become almost hysterical. + +But at that minute the entrance gate wuz reached and the orto stopped so +abruptly, that Josiah who had got up agin, wuz precipitated into my lap. +But he got out immegiately, and the minute he and I stepped onto terry +firmy he turned and shook his fist at the man and sez he, "If it wuzn't +for the crowd and Samantha's feelin's, I would whip you within an inch +of your life! Oh, if I only had you in a ten acre lot you'd feel the +wrath of a lion when it wuz rousted up!" + +But I laid my hand on him and led him away, I knowed such seens wuz bad +for his nerve. He trembled like a popple leaf, and the minute we got +through the gate I had to set down with him and deal out four nut-cakes +before he wuz himself agin. + +I wuz determined this day to go to the Palace of Fine Arts, so we did +and I put in a time of almost perfect happiness there. We went into +Government Building entrance that day, and I proposed to Josiah that we +should stop at Liberal Arts Building on the way, and he at first +demurred and sez: + +"Samantha, you're too liberal by half now for folks with our means and +Id'no as I want you to spend your time in such a display." He said he +would rather take me to the display of Economics, and sez he, wantin' to +persuade me to go with him, "Wimmen has countless virtues, but to my +mind her crownin' excelence is to be equinomical." + +But I explained to him that exhibit didn't mean bein' liberal with money +but it wuz jest a step behind Fine Arts, and sez I, "I should think you +would want to see the place where this Exposition wuz dedicated in the +presence of one of the biggest crowds that wuz ever gathered together." + +So we stopped there a little while, and could have spent days there with +interest and profit. The foreign countries have splendid exhibits here +as well as our own. + +Everything in typography and books, everything possible in photography; +models of light-houses; dams; geographical maps; Egyptian, Hebrew and +Imperial surveys. Scientific demonstrations in liquid hydrogen and that +queer substance, radium. + +I wuz dretfully interested in that wonderful new discovery and sez I to +myself as I looked at it, "As little as there is of you there is enough +to overturn big systems of science and philosophy, and begin a new +history of the inside of the world." I wuz glad my sect had discovered +this and thought it wuz one of the best things she had done in a number +of years. + +And there wuz all kinds of hygienic displays, chemical and engineering +works. China had a dretful interestin' exhibit, ancient manuscripts, +books published thousands of years before our kind of type wuz invented. +Weapons that wuz old when Mr. Confucious wuz livin'. Armor, costumes, +musical instruments, queer lookin' things them wuz as I ever see and +nothin' I would want to play on. Photo engineering, electrotyping, +lithography, typewriting; telescopes of all kinds from tiny ones up to +ones that weigh four thousand pounds. The latest medical and surgical +instruments. The piano from the first one made up to the present +automatic instruments of all kinds; stringed instruments, church organs; +displays in civil and military engineering; machinery for making good +roads; rock crushers, water purifying, and so on and so on and so on. + +The time spent in this buildin' is full of education as well as +interest. There wuz some beautiful statutes too decoratin' this +buildin', most on 'em I wuz proud to see wuz figgers of my own sect. + +But having sot out for the Palace of Fine Arts we anon wended our way +thither. It is a beautiful building, or ruther there are four massive +buildings connected together to form this Palace of Art. There are three +big buildings in front and an annex, the central building built of stone +and brick is the only permanent buildin' in this enormous Exposition so +naturally they would make it as perfect as possible. + +And it is crowded full of beauty. In fact turn where you would you would +see such glowing landscapes, such beautiful faces, such perfect +sculpture that you git all mixed up, and when you thought it over you +couldn't remember whether some picture or statute that stood out in your +memory wuz in the U.S. exhibit or the French, or German, or Italian, or +etc., etc. + +In lookin' back and thinkin' on't and tryin' to git 'em in the right +place in your mind it is as difficult as it would be in walking through +a big clover meadow and tryin' to sort out the clover blossoms and +describe 'em one by one and tell in jest what corner of the lot you +found 'em. It can't be done; in such an immense field of art your brain +sort o' fills up and turns round and round and you git mixed. But as I +say some of the pictures and statutes stayed in my memory so I couldn't +dislodge 'em and don't want to, no indeed! + +Now there are three noble figgers at the entrance that you can't forgit. +Inspiration standin' up above the main entrance is jest where she should +be. Inspiration, breath of the Most High breathed into some of His +children below anon or oftener, and then on each side is Truth and +Nature. Nature, the kind All Mother, Truth, the divine one. How sweet to +find 'em all there together guardin' and consecratin' these walls. You +went in feelin' safer with such gardeens at the portal. + +I must say though that Truth didn't have any clothes on, she wuz jest +settin' there on top of the world jest as naked as she could be, she +could have wore one of my bib aprons as well as not, durin' the Fair +anyway, whilst there wuz so many folks round and she would have looked +enough sight better to me and been jest as truthful. But howsumever I +knew she wuz likely, her face wuz innocent and beautiful. + +As I said it is some of the pictures and statutes that stand out +clearest in my memory, but there wuz everything else there admirable and +choice in art, paintings in oil, wax; on canvas, wood, enamel, metal, +fresco paintings on walls and ceilings. Water colors, chalk, pastel, +ivory, pyrography. Engravings, etchings, figgers in marble, metal, +plaster. Carvings in ivory, stone, wood, etc. Architectural designs of +all kinds; mosaics; art work in glass, earthen ware, leather, metal; +artistic book binding and etc., etc., etc., and I might spread these out +into volumes. + +And didn't my soul jest spread her wings here in delight, to speak in +flowery language. What pictures of beauty dawned on my rapt eyesight, +faces sweet as wuz ever dremp on, sad faces, tragic faces, old faces and +young faces; children sweet and bonny as wuz ever seen. Youth and love, +age and manhood and gratified ambition, princes and paupers, life and +death. + +Landscapes full of the dewy freshness and joy of the morning, night +seens dark and full of mystery and melancholy. Mountain and valley, hill +and dale, ocean and rivulet. Every phase of human joy and sorrow wuz +depictered there, and every phase of peaceful and warlike life. It wuz a +sight. If I could stayed there a year right in them walls I might have +got round mebby and seen what I wanted to and as long as I wanted to. + +But of course this wuzn't to be, for one thing the Fair would be closed +before and then Josiah wouldn't gin his consent anyway. He got kinder +worrisome as it wuz and didn't want to stay so long as we did, and after +a hour or so I compromised with him, gin him nut cakes occasionally and +anon when we would enter a new gallery he would set down by the door +till I had got through lookin'. + +As I said some of the pictures and statutes clung to my memory as if +they'd been throwed at my mind so powerful that they jest stuck there +and couldn't be dislodged even by all the later multitude of sights +throwed over 'em. + +There wuz one by Whistler full of the subtle mystery that he wrops round +his figgers. Why you know he has painted one that to them that are +sympathetic, the Little Lady in Black, will walk right out of the +picture and come towards 'em, time and agin she's done it, I'm tellin' +the truth that can be proved. + +In the "Mystery of the Night," the female figger dimly discerned through +the veil of mist seems the incarnation of the mystery of sky and sea, +the infinite solemnity, and peace and loneliness of the night. + +There wuz pictures that made you happy, and some that sort o' sent a +chill to your sperit, like Millais' "Chill October," as you looked at it +you almost felt the chill, mournful breeze that you knew wuz sweepin' +along. + +Some queer pictures like the "Ghost Dance" kinder lingered in the +vestibule of your mind. You know your mind has got more different rooms +in it than any house that wuz ever built, and some pictures and folks +don't git into the very inmost rooms; they never git furder than the +doorstep. + +There are three pictures by the King and Queen of Portugal, all on 'em +picturin' humble life. The King's show a peasant drivin' cattle to +water. I wondered if he didn't wish, when he painted it, that he wuz +that care-free herder, who could sing and whistle and wear easy shues, +and throw on any old clothes, and santer out into the dewy mornin' and +do as he wanted to. + +One of the Queen's wuz a farm wagon, such as they carry farm produce in, +but sometimes I spoze load up with merry girls and boys for a happy +outing in the green woods. + +I shouldn't wonder if when she wuz dead tired of the cares, formalities +and burdens of a queen, she wished she wuz one of them happy young girls +riding off in a cotton frock on the old farm wagon into some joyous +picnic. + +The other one of hern wuz a cute little donkey and over all on 'em wuz +bright sunlight and soft shadow. They done well. I wished I could +encouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so--a word of praise sometimes duz so much +good, to anybody from peasant to king. + +Among the statutes that I see to the Fair that stood up straight in my +mind wuz Light and Darkness. Darkness wuz in the form of two men, one on +'em crouched low with his arm over his face drawin' his mantle to hide +from the light. The other male is liftin' his head but his eyes are +still shot, evidently he feels the dawn of sunthin' better and he's +waking up, while standin' erect is the graceful figger of a female, +beautiful and noble, full of boundin' life and light, holdin' up high +over her head a star. She wants to wake up the hull world to the light. + +Dakota wuz pictured as a lady with precious few clothes on; she looked +old in her face, and I told Josiah it wuz a shame to see a woman that +age with such a low-necked dress on. It wuz cut down to the bottom of +her waist. And lots of the men staters wuz wearin' low necks. I didn't +like it, but Josiah remarked that he'd always said: + +"A vest and coat cut low neck would make a man look dressy, and he +believed he should have one made for best." + +I looked coldly at him and said it looked bad enough to see young folks +dress in that way without old folks cuttin' up and actin'. + +Lots of the statutes would looked as well agin if they'd had me to +advise 'em about their clothes, but still take the pictures and statutes +of the Fair as a hull they're magnificent and a honor to the nations. +There are a thousand statutes, all beautiful and inspirin', to be seen +there on the Exposition grounds. + +I wuz glad to see the statute of Dr. Jenner, who discovered vaccination, +tryin' it first on his own son. When it is the law for doctors to try +their medicine first on their own folks, miscelaneous patients will feel +safer. Dr. Jenner acted honorable toward humanity at large. I told +Josiah I hoped the boy got along well and didn't git hit on the arm +while it wuz sore. + +And he said, "I wouldn't worry over folks I never neighbored with, and +I'd better tend to my own companion, who wuz starvin' slowly by my +side." + +He couldn't been so very hungry havin' eat so many nut-cakes since +breakfast, but I dealt out some more to him. + +Well, we stayed in the Art Gallery a long time, so long that Josiah +complained bitterly and sez, "If you stay as long in every buildin' when +will we git round to see the Pike?" Truly Josiah longed for that place +day by day, but as first chaperone of the party I tried to delay him +from goin', knowin' that it must come sometime but gladly puttin' off +the day. + +But I sez soothin'ly, "I shan't want to stay so long at any other +place." And it bein' past our lunch time we went and had a good meal, +and of course Josiah's crossness subsided with every mouthful he took +and his liniment looked like a cosset lamb's in amiability when I +proposed we should go to the Fishery Buildin', it wuzn't so very fur +from there considerin', though as I have said before every place is a +good ways off from anywhere else. You'd have knowed the buildin' by the +great fish that wuz sculped over the entrance. It wuz a bigger fish than +wuz ever lied about in male fish stories, and that's sayin' enough; +connected with this is also an exhibit of forestry and game. We went +into the part devoted to forestry first, there are several acres +outdoors as well as inside devoted to this display, and what didn't we +see there in trees, plants, woods of every kind, forest growth tree +planting, all sorts of useful wood, pine, spruce, hemlock, cedar, all +the hard woods, and everything made of wood; wood pulp, barrels, +baskets, turpentine, alcohol. + +In the United States exhibit wuz immense pictures illustrating our +forests, methods of lumbering, lumber camps, forest fires, etc., etc. +There wuz displays of different species of trees and plants, forest +botany, structure and anatomy of woods, saw-mills, seeds and plants of +all kinds, and all the different woods and products of wood from Egypt +to Japan, barks, roots, cork, rubber, gums, oils, quinine, camphor, +varnish, wax, dye-woods, lumber, staves, why there wuz over two hundred +different kinds of wood from Argentina alone. + +Josiah, who wuz real interested here, sez, "I'd love to have brother +Gowdey step in here a minute; he's proud as a peacock of his strip of +woodland, he thought he covered the hull field of forestry with his wood +pulp and maple sugar. I guess his pride would be took down a little." + +"Well," sez I, "let's look on it as showin' the greatness and wonder of +Providence and be humble and admire." + +"I shall look at it as I'm a minter!" he sez. But I guess he wuz more +reverential for a spell. + +And there wuz all the plants and leaves used in medicine, and mushrooms, +truffles, seeds and plants and implements for gathering and preserving; +drying houses, nurseries, basket work, grass work. It seemed as if +everything that could be known about trees and plants could be learnt +here, and though we knowed we hadn't time or convenience to take all the +knowledge in, no, our heads wuzn't big enough, but they felt crowded +full as we left this buildin'. And that I felt wuz the crownin' glory of +this fair, the new idees and knowledge of better ways and things that +wuz learnt in all these exhibits, and wuz destined in the future to bear +fruit and bless the world. + +In the Fishery department we see all the products of the great water +world that makes up more than half of our earth. Every kind of fish that +ever swum, from a whale to a minnie, salt water and fresh water fish, +and them that are half fish and half animal, and aquatic birds and +aquatic plants of all kinds, and plants that seem half way between +vegetable and animal. Sea grass, shells of all kinds, pearls, +pearl-shells, corals, sponges, skins and furs, illustrations, paintings +and casts illustrating water life of all kinds, fishing grounds. All +kinds of boats, nets, traps, rods, reels, lines, fish curing +establishments, aquariums, and so and so on and so on, and I might write +them "so ons," indefinitely but what would be the use? + +Jest imagine everything that is discovered and brought to light by them +that go down to the sea in ships and there it wuz. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +West of the forestry buildin' growin' right out of the ground is a +immense map of the United States covering five acres of ground, gravel +walks mark the State and coast lines, and each State is sot out in its +own native flowers. + +There it wuz, you could look right down onto it jest like a map, from +the rocky shores of Maine down to Florida. + +Josiah wuz simply infatuated with the sight and I myself thought it wuz +a great idee and I sez: + +"Josiah, this is a plan worthy of Uncle Sam to immortalize what is +dearest to him in living colors." + +"Yes, indeed!" sez he, and after a minute's thought he added, "Others +can foller suit and set them that are dearest to 'em out-doors. If I +live till another spring, Samantha," sez he firmly, "I will set you out +in the paster. The dooryard would be too small to do justice to you. Ury +and I will plant you in the middle of the ten acre lot." + +I wuz touched by the tenderness underlyin' the idee, but sez I, "Have +you counted the cost, Josiah?" + +"I know it will cost, you're hefty and big boneded and I'd want you +heroic size, but we needn't have your hull frame made in posies, I could +plant you in different seeds and raise you like a crop, and sell you in +the fall. Beans would look well in different colors." + +He see my look of cold irony as he spoke of sellin' me, and added, "Or I +could set you out mostly in pusley if you'd ruther, the garden is full +of it." + +"I shall never be sot out in pusley, Josiah Allen, I always hated it. +The hull thing is as crazy as anything you ever undertook." + +"Crazy or not it will be did; summer squash would look well and be +equinomical, I could probable train 'em so you'd seem to be holdin' the +squashes in your arms." + +"Give up the hull skeem, Josiah Allen; don't try to combine love and +economy so clost." + +But he vowed he wouldn't give it up, and I spoze I may see trouble +weanin' him from the idee. + +That night whilst I wuz restin' a little in my room after supper, Josiah +havin' stayed down in the parlor a spell talkin' to granpa Huff and +Billy, Blandina come into my room. She wuz all fagged out, but under the +fag you could see that expression of perennial good nature and love to +man. + +She said she'd been readin' all day to grandpa Huff and as near as I +could make out he'd kep' her right down to them blood-curdlin' chapters +where they fried the martyrs in ile and briled 'em on grid-irons. She +looked dretful tired and I told her I wouldn't gin in and read such +stuff all day. + +But she said Mr. Huff wuz anxious to hear it and she wuz perfectly +willin' and more than willin' to please him, for sez she smilin' in a +queer sort of a way and sort o' bridlin' a little, "I'm anxious to do +anything for him I can because I love him devotedly." + +I wuz fairly stunted. "Love him?" sez I, "why how long ago wuz it that +you loved his grandchild passionately? Why," sez I, "Blandina, you seem +to rob the cradle and the grave for objects of affection." + +"Yes, I did love Billy with perfect devotion till I found that my +affection wuz driven back like a dove from the rest it fain would made +in his youthful heart, and now it has settled down upon his grandpa's +bosom. Mr. Huff needs a companion, Aunt Samantha. He needs a tender +female companion to journey by his side over the rough pathway of life. +And, oh, I do feel that this world is a cold rough place and my heart, +like that wanderin' dove I spoke on, sithes to find rest." + +"Well," sez I reasonably, "mebby a dove would be safe to rest on grandpa +Huff, but I don't believe he could stand the weight of a hen. Why, he's +ninety if he's a day, Blandina." + +She didn't reply but sot lookin' mournful but clever, and agin she sez, +"This is a cold world." + +"Not here it hain't, not in St. Louis," sez I, wipin' my heated forward, +but she went on: + +"My heart has gone out to him without any will of my own. I feel that he +has the makin' of a noble man in him." + +And I sez, "I guess he's made about all he can be on this spear." But +seein' her mournful looks I added, "You're a clever critter, Blandina, +that's what's the matter with you, you're so good hearted you mistake +good nater and pity for love more'n half the time. I don't believe," sez +I feelin'ly, "I ever see a cleverer creeter than you are." And I meant +it, every word I said. + +But she repeated agin, "I love him, Aunt Samantha, with a pure, deep +devotion." + +"Well," sez I, "if I wuz in your place I would take a little catnip tea +and go to bed. I'll steep some for you over my alcohol lamp." I knowed +it wuz her good nater and her nerves that wuz wrought up instead of her +heart, though catnip is good for the heart for all I know. She'd got all +nerved up readin' them dretful things and felt queer, I wuz sorry for +Blandina to think she wuz so very sensitive to masculine influence. She +refused the catnip tea but took the other half of my advice and went to +bed, and I sez to myself, I declare I don't know what the good nater of +that creeter will lead her into and I most wished she wuz back in +Jonesville where that trait of hern wouldn't have so much room for +showin' off and so many objects to practice on, but I felt safe about +grandpa Huff, for I knowed that even if he'd been strong enough to stand +up to be married, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren wouldn't let +him. + +Well, the next morning Molly come, havin' arrived on a sleeper. I +welcomed her warmly. She's a sweet girl, with big eyes soft and brown as +the shallers in our trout brook and a shadder in 'em now some like the +dark places where the deep water is. Hair about the same color, done up +in a shinin' coil on the top of her head, but where it would git loose a +little kinder curlin' and crinklin' about her white forward and round +white neck. A sweet sad expression on her lips, cheeks white as snow now +but meant to be pink and a pretty plump figger. She wuz very beautiful +and called so by good judges. + +And I wuzn't surprised that Billy Huff fell immegiately and voylently in +love with her to his own discomfiture and the great enrichment of them +that sold perfumery and hair-oil. But I knowed it wouldn't hurt him any, +it wuz only a new face to hang up for the present in the gallery of a +boy's Fancy. Aunt Tryphena fairly worshipped her. She immegiately rose +to the top place in her gallery of perfect beings. Nothing wuz too good +for her, no service she could render her wuz too hard, she almost soared +up to that pinnacle on which her Prince Arthur dwelt. Dotie became her +willin' adorer and Miss Huff couldn't do enough for her. + +But to resoom backward a little. Molly didn't want to go to the Fair +ground that morning, wantin' to rest and recooperate, so Josiah, +Blandina and I sot forth a little later than common. There wuz a +stoppage of the cars some ways from the gate and we got out and walked +thinkin' we'd git there quicker, Josiah started to step off first when +Blandina rushed past him, waved him back, and descended herself right +into the midst of horses heads and huffs and yells and profanity from +two drivers who wuz stoppin' the way and wuz revilin' each other, and +after we got safe onto the sidewalk and wuz walkin' along I sez to her: + +"You ort to be more careful, Blandina, or you'll find yourself killed +some day and trompled on, I wuz skairt for you." + +"Oh, I didn't think about myself, I wuz only thinkin' of savin' dear +uncle Josiah, it wuzn't so much matter about me. A woman's life you know +is not worth anything compared to a man's." + +"Oh, shaw!" I sez, I wuz driv to it, and I sez it agin, "Oh, shaw!" + +"Why, Aunt Samantha, you know it has been decided that that is so. It +has been settled by law that a female's life is worth only half as much +as a man's. Don't you remember last spring in Brooklyn it wuz settled +once for all that a female child's life wuzn't worth only half as much +as a male child?" + +Sez I, "I remember a man's saying so, I don't remember it wuz proved; I +myself thought it wuz about as hefty a thing as a judge ever undertook +to try to set a value on two human lives with all their glorious and +terrible possibilities, and," sez I, eppisodin' a little but walkin' +along all the time, "how did that man know but the soul of a Florence +Nightingale would wake up in that girl and bless the world for all time? +And how did he know but the boy would prove a Benedict Arnold or a +Guiteau? An evil influence to curse the world forever. It wuz a hefty +job, and if Josiah had been judge I wouldn't let him undertook it, or if +he had I'd had him set an equal value on what God and nater and human +affection had made equal." + +"Well, well," sez Josiah, "le'ss git along unless you want to stay here +and preach all day on the sidewalk." + +"But," sez I, "I'm not preachin', Josiah, I'm eppisodin'." + +"Well, there is a time for eppisodin' and a time for common sense, and +le'ss git along." + +He acted real grumpy, I guess he'd thought more on me, if I had +pretended I thought his life wuz worth double mine. But I wouldn't say I +thought so not even for love's sake. And mebby he squirmed because I +said I would have him do thus and so. Men are so queer! you can't always +tell jest where the shue pinches, but you know by their actin' and +behavin' that it pinches somewhere. + +But Blandina sez, evidently reconnoitering the past seen in her memory, +"No livin' bein' will ever make me think a man's life is not worth more +than a woman's." Well, she felt so and I couldn't make her over at this +late day, she'd been made too long, so Common Sense, with whom I always +try to be on the most intimate terms, told me I hadn't better multiply +any more words with her. Josiah's liniment wuz some clouded till his +mind wuz took up by seein' some horses with hats on which truly wuz +needed in that torrid heat, and he forgot his temporary shagrin in +visions of the future. + +Sez he, "The first work I do when I git home will be to git a hat for +the old mair; I won't have to buy one, Tirzah Ann's last summer hat will +be jest the thing. You know that one trimmed with red roses and shiffon +and long lace streamers. Your hats ain't dressy enough; why the old mair +hain't quite twenty-one, hain't old enough to vote even if her sect had +the privelige. She's young and ort to dress young. That hat will be jest +the thing. And what a sensation we will make enterin' Jonesville on a +Sunday mornin', the mair, myself and you, we shall attract world-wide +attention." But that minute we got to the gate and entered in. I never +shall ride after the mair with a hat on, and pink roses and long lace +streamers, never. But didn't argey about it. + +Well, Josiah couldn't be held off any longer, he would go to the Pike +that mornin'; I told him it wuzn't writ in my pad. + +And he sez, "Dum that pad! Am I goin' to be held in by that pad, and led +round by it all summer? I'm goin' to the Pike to-day and you can do as +you're a minter." And Blandina jined in of course and said that if dear +Uncle Josiah's mind wuz sot on it it wuz best to go, and she sez kinder +low to me, "it wuzn't right to cross a man unless it wuz absolutely +necessary." + +I wuz goin' to twit her and tell her that as first chaperone I wuz the +one to settle these matters, but I see Josiah wuz gittin' too agitated, +one look at his gloomy face made me think of the past, and I gin in as +gracefully as I could, and we wended our way thither with no more +parley, and Josiah, as soon as our heads wuz turned that way, begun to +brighten up and look better, and so about one-half of my mind and sperit +wuz satisfied. And sometimes I think you can't be satisfied any more +than that on this spear wherever you go, and whatever you see, specially +if you have a man to deal with that is more or less fraxious and +worrisome. To ease his mind and temper you'll git led into strange and +devious paths time and agin. + +But to resoom forward. The Four Cowboys on a Tear guardin' the entrance +to the Pike confronted us and in their wild and boysterous hilarity +seemed to my agitated and forebodin' sperit to shadow forth what we +would find inside their domain. They wuz a strange and skairful set, +their clothes wuz rough and disheveled and so wuz their linements. They +all on 'em brandished aloft a pistol, seemin' to be on the lookout for +someone to shoot. Their horses wuz on the dead gallop and you knowed by +the expression on their faces jest what blood curdlin' yells wuz issuin' +from their throats. + +Why, if you'll believe it they wuz goin' at such a gallopin' prancin' +gait that the feet of one of their horses never touched the ground, all +four of his feet wuz gallopin' through the air. Josiah sez as he looked +at it: + +"I would give a dollar bill to Ury in a minute if he could learn the +colt to do that trick, gallop along without his feet touchin' the +ground. Jest think what a sensation it would make to the Jonesville +fair. The old mair is too old of course to git the trick." + +"Yes," sez I, "I guess her feet will never be lifted altogether from the +ground till they are turned up in their last rest. But I wouldn't try, +Josiah Allen, to imitate that roarin' and rakish set if I wuz in your +place, you a member of the meetin' house." + +"Oh, keep throwin' that meetin' house in my face, I should think you'd +git tired ont but don't spoze you will." + +And Blandina sez, "Oh, Aunt Samantha, don't be too harsh on them happy +young men, it is only their high sperits. They would probable settle +down and make the best of husbands if they had a tender and loving +companion. I wonder," sez she, "if they wuz took from life and if +they're here to the Fair I do so like the looks of one on 'em, I believe +we would be congenial." + +I hurried 'em along, the one she pinted out had his pistol raised the +highest of the lot and he looked the most rakish. + +But you forgot the looks of the cow-boys as you stood at the entrance +and got a full view of the Pike. A perfect flood of all the colors of +the rainbow, and towers and steeples and domes and crescents, and +ornaments of all kinds busts on your vision, and at the same time your +ear-pans are assailed by a noise like the sound of many waters, it is +the big crowd that is surgin' through the Pike to and fro, fro and to, +and keep at it night and day. + +The great crowd seen here all the time shows how much the average human +craves amusement and recreation. For the Pike is the amusement street of +the Exposition. And a bystander standin' by told us that it extended a +mild and a half from the Lindel entrance where we entered clear up to +the Skinker road. + +"What Skinker is that?" sez Josiah to the man. "Is he any relation to +the Skinkerses up in Zoar? Old Ethan Skinker had a boy who come West. +Most probable you've seen him here; I know most every stranger that +comes to Jonesville." + +"Where is Zoar?" sez the man, an uppish lookin' creeter, but sunk in +ignorance, for when Josiah sez, "Zoar is four milds from Jonesville," +sez the man: + +"Where is Jonesville?" + +And Josiah sez to me, "I'll be jiggered, Samantha, if this man at this +age of the world don't know where Jonesville is." + +"Well," sez I coolly, "we hain't expected to civilize all creation, +Josiah." And as we had jest come to the entrance of the Tyoleran Alps I +wouldn't let Josiah stop and parley with him any furder. He wuz kinder +snickerin' to himself, a ignorant onmannerly creeter. + +I had told Josiah and he fell in with the idee to once (he is clost) +that we wouldn't try to see all the sights of the Pike. But this bein' +the first one we come to we thought we would enter and we found it wuz a +highly interestin' spectacle. + +There wuz lofty snow-crowned mountains, some on 'em that seemed fur +away, and some nigher by, a lake lyin' smooth and placid at their feet. +Its shore wuz dotted with trees, and little picturesque cottages nestled +on its banks. + +Anon a large fair city spread out at the foot of the serene mountains. +Then you would come to an immense castle, so nigh the mountain that it +seemed to grow out of it with its ivied walls and lofty towers pierced +with quaintly paned windows. Crowds of sightseers passin' in and out its +lofty arched entrance and walking through the grounds outside. + +Another castle, handsomer yet, wuz the castle of Linderhof, which stands +in stately magnificence at the foot of the mountain, but furder away +from it. Rows of clipped evergreens stand along its white terraces and +masses of foliage on each side. A white monument towered up to the sky +in the centre of its beautiful lawn in front, and nigher by there wuz a +big leapin' fountain guarded on each side by statutes of female wimmen +reclining at ease but seemin' to have their eye on the hull beautiful +seen and tendin' to things, as wimmen have to. + +Then anon you would come to a little village with pretty houses, mostly +gables. There wuz a mountain torrent with several bridges over it that +foamed and dashed along through the quaint little place. Pretty girls in +their gay national costume accosted us from the verandas anon or oftener +wantin' to sell sooveneers. + +Josiah noticed the price they asked and hurried me onwards. They wuz +real pretty girls so I didn't mind so much goin' on (married wimmen will +understand my feelin's. We have to keep one eye out more or less). + +There is a little chapel and below it cut from solid rock is a statute +of Andreas Hofer, victorious soldier, lover of country, but like many +another hero he had to suffer martyrdom for it. But his grateful +countrymen keeps his memory green. I wuz glad to see it. + +It wuz a pretty place: the lofty mountain side with cow bells tinkling +along the winding roads, the cool pretty villages below, chimes sounding +from high towers, the peasants singing their national songs, the bands +ringing out their stirring melodies. And you could take a tram car and +go through some of the loveliest seens in the Alps. We stayed there some +time. + +I have hearn since that them mountains wuz holler and they keep beer and +stimulants there, Id'no how true it is. But I sez, "If it is so it is +symbolical of where such stuff and its dealers will find themselves if +they don't repent, down in the dirt and the dark, keepin' company with +the Prince of Darkness. But I didn't see hide nor hair of any of 'em and +don't know as there wuz anything to see." + +I kinder wanted to go into the Irish Village, and said so; I remarked +that you could buy Irish linen and lace there right on the spot. But +Josiah sez, thrustin' his portmoney deeper in his pocket, "Id'no why we +should go in there, we hain't Irish." + +But I sez, "Miss Huff said it wuz dretful interestin', Josiah, I'd +kinder like to see it." + +But Josiah gin another deeper thrust to his portmoney and must have +strained his pocket and sez in terser, hasher axents: + +"We hain't Irish!" + +And I sez kinder short, "Id'no as we're Alps." But I didn't argy there +wuz so many folks round, wimmen have to choke off time and agin and +conceal their shagrin' and their pardner's actin'. + +Miss Huff had told me a lot about it. She said they had a real House of +Parliament and you could drive in jaunting cars through Lake Kilarney +region and the rocky road to Dublin that we've all hearn about. + +Blarney Castle is used here as a theatre with stirring national plays +going on and there is an Irish arch over nine hundred years old, and in +a village here is an Irish national exhibit together with a Scotch +display, laces, linens, carpets, etc., and there is a gallery of famous +Irish beauties. She said it wuz as good as a visit to Ireland to study +the country and the looks and ways of the people. + +But as I say, Josiah hurried me past the long, many windowed front of +the Irish Industrial Exhibit with its gay flags wavin' out on top +bagonin' us to come in, past the famous St. Lawrence gate, Droggeda, one +of the most famous relics in all Ireland, with its tall towers and its +noble archway filled with crowds of sightseers, for he had seen right by +the side of that gate a big roundin' entrance arch with the round world +poised above it and above the arch in letters as high as he wuz: + +Under and Over the Sea. + +And of course he wuz bound to indulge in that luxury. And it wuz +thrillin' in the extreme though I stood it better than he did. + +The first thing you see is a submarine boat, you can see this plain from +the Pike and the passengers embarkin' on it, two hundred and fifty can +be carried by this boat at one time, and Josiah led us onto it with a +excited linement, but he tried to look brave and fearless. + +But the sights we see down there wuz enough to dismay a man weighin' far +more than Josiah. You could look right out of the boat on the dashin' +waves, water above you and on every side and see the strange monsters of +the deep, and the queer marine growths and blossoms. Imagine seein' +whales up over your head comin' right towards you, and Id'no but there +wuz leviathians, I guess there wuz, they wuz big enough. + +Anon you come to the river Seine in Paris and swoop up to the top of +Eiffel Tower. Blandina sez holdin' onto my tabs, "From the bowels of the +earth up to the vaulted heavings!" + +I said tabs, but I meant tab, for Josiah had holt of the other with an +almost frenzied grasp, and sez he, "Where will we go next, Samantha?" + +And I sez, "Id'no, mebby to the moon or Mars." + +And Blandina in trembling axents sez, "I wish I wuz safe at Mars." + +Her ma is old but got her faculties. And Josiah sez with chatterin' +teeth and quaverin' voice as he looked down from the dizzy hite onto +Paris, "If I git through this alive I shall be glad to tell the brethren +about it." + +Far below us lay the illuminated city, for it wuz night, and a beautiful +seen but sort o' melancholy. And sure enough, as if to prove my words +true, here at the very top of the tower wuz an air-ship on which we took +flight through the boundless fields of air. Paris died on our vision, +then we floated over many cities and harbors, up the English Channel, +anon the lights of London are passed and we are high up above the ocean. +Weird and wild is the seen, the moon comes up, black clouds rise, and +the voice of the winds is heard, then the rumbling of thunder and the +forked lightning darts its baleful glare at us. + +Josiah whispers, "Samantha, have you got on your gold beads?" + +[Illustration] + +I wear 'em under my collar but most always take 'em off in a thunder +storm not wantin' to be struck in my neck. And I seen him furtively +gittin' ready to throw away his jack-knife. But at that minute the storm +calms down and Josiah replaces his knife jest as we enter New York +harbor. A flight over sea and land, forest and city, and we land agin at +the Exposition. + +As we disembarked Josiah grasped holt of my hand ostensibly to help me +but really in tender greeting, and sez in fervid axents, "I wouldn't +have you take that trip alone, Samantha, without me with you to protect +you, not for worlds." + +"No," sez Blandina, "what would we have done without dear Uncle Josiah +by our side?" + +I didn't argy but felt that he wouldn't with his size and weight made +much headway agin them whales and water monsters to say nothin' of +danger by drowndin' and fallin' from the sky. But he felt neat and we +wended our way on. + +Josiah said he didn't care about goin' to Asia, and I said it wuz a pity +not to when we wuz so nigh, but he kinder hurried me on. + +I told him that the Streets of Seville interested me, for it wuz planned +by a woman, the only woman who ever received a concession in a amusement +street of a Exposition. + +And Josiah sez, "I shall spend my money on sunthin' of more importance; +it probable all runs to crazy quilts and tattin." + +But it wuz no such thing, it wuz perfectly beautiful, as I've hearn +folks say that have been there. But I see he wuz beginnin' to look +kinder mauger, and as first chaperone I sez anxiously, "Where do you +want to go, dear Josiah? Do you want to go to Hagenbecks Animal Show?" + +"No, I don't; I shall see animals enough when I git home in my own +barnyard." + +"Well, do you want to go to the Hereafter, Josiah?" + +"No, we shall git there all right if we keep on without my payin' out +money. I told you I wuzn't goin' to pay to go in to all these places." + +"Well, do you want to go to France or Ceylon or Persia? Or Cairo? Or +where do you want to go?" + +Sez he, cross as a bear, "I want to go where I can git sunthin' to eat." + +And I sez, "Dear Josiah, I've been so took up I forgot your appetite; we +will go to once." And havin' heard that good food could be got in Japan +we hastened thither. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +We entered Fair Japan through a big gateway a hundred feet high. It wuz +called the Temple of Kiko, it wuz all covered with carvin' and gold +ornaments. And they say it couldn't be made now of the same materials +for a million dollars. It would been magnificent lookin' if it hadn't +been for what looked like serpents wreathin' up the pillars in front. I +hate snakes! and they're the last ornaments I would ever sculp over my +front door. + +Blandina said they wuz dragons, and mebby they wuz. 'Tennyrate they wuz +fastened to the pillars and didn't offer to hurt us. We got quite a good +meal, but queer, in a tea-house on the borders of the lake. They had the +best tea I ever drinked. I asked 'em how long they steeped it, and how +much they put in for a drawin', but they bein' ignorant didn't seem to +understand me. But I enjoyed bein' there, for whilst our inner men and +wimmen wuz bein' refreshed our minds wuz enriched by this real picture +of life in Japan, for in there it is jest as if we had traveled +thousands of milds and wuz sot down in the real Japan. + +After the edge of Josiah's hunger wuz squenched he begun to look about +him and praise up the looks of the Geisha girls that wuz dancin' or +rather posterin' in their pretty modest way, and some on 'em playin' on +queer lookin' instruments that looked some like my carpet sweeper. + +These girl musicians wuz settin' on the floor dressed in what seemed to +be gay colored night gowns, and they looked well enough, kinder innocent +and modest lookin'. But I told him it wuzn't becomin' in a old man and a +professor to be so enthusiastick over young girls dancin' and playin'. + +And he sez, "Oh, well, fetch on your girl blinders and I'll put 'em on. +But till you git 'em for me and harness me up in 'em I've got to look +round some." + +But I told him there wuz enough for him to see besides girls and there +wuz. For it beats all what long strides the Japans have made in every +branch of education and culture. If they keep on in the next century as +they have in this some of the so-called advanced nations will have to +take a back seat and let this little brown, polite people stand to the +head. But then they have been cultured for hundreds of years, though +lots of folks don't seem to know it. + +But I am sorry to say it wuzn't the high art and culture of Japan that +Josiah wuz most interested in, but the queer things, such as the strange +stunted trees trained into forms of men and animals hundreds of years +old and no higher than a common chair, and lots of 'em not so high. And +there wuz roosters with tails twenty-five feet long. + +Josiah said he wuz bound to git an egg and see if he could hatch one. + +And I sez, "Where would it roost? It's tail is long agin as the hen +house is high." + +Well, he said in the summer it could roost on top of the barn with its +tail kinder hangin' down and out over the smoke house. + +But it wuzn't a minute before his eyes wuz took up with some images, +some big ones covered with the most exquisite carvin', down to them so +small, if you'll believe it, they wuz carved out of a single kernel of +rice. And there wuz gold fish and a hundred other kinds of fishes, and +you see there the common houses of the people and people livin' in them +jest as they do in their own country, and a royal palace, arched +bridges, lanterns hangin' everywhere, pagodas, temples, lagoons with +ornamental boats, cascades, etc. All made a pretty picture, though +curious. + +Then in Asakusa, a native village of Japan, is forty stores and there +you see the most beautiful display of rugs, carved ivory and wood, +porcelain, jewels, fans, paintings, etc., and the workmen busy making +'em right before your eyes. And in the narrer streets jugglers, +acrobats, fortune tellers are giving their mysterious performances. +There are bands of music, jinrikishaws with men harnessed up in 'em, and +you can ride in 'em if so inclined. + +There wuz quite a number of places on the Pike that we passed that I +kinder wanted to see, but Josiah wuzn't willin' to pay out too much +money, and what interested me most wuz the foreign countries that I had +never had a chance to see, they havin' the misfortune to be so fur from +Jonesville. But when we got to the Chinese Village, it had such a +magnificent and showy front that Josiah never made an objection to goin' +inside. + +I wuz dretful glad to go there, you know it is nater to want to do what +you can't. And China has been so determined to keep Josiah and I and the +world out of her empire, I wuz glad enough to git in, and wuz real +interested lookin' at them queer yeller pig-tailed little creeters with +dresses on, and their funny little houses. + +There wuz a big Chinese theatre, and a Joss house where they worship +Joss, whoever he or she may be, I wanted to have their religion +explained to me, there wuz a guide there to do it. + +But Josiah said that as a deacon he wouldn't countenance it, for I might +be led into idolatry. And when I argued with him he whispered to me: + +"Samantha, if you insist on hangin' round their meetin' house here any +longer I shall say out loud, 'By Joss!'" + +At that fearful threat I started on, I wouldn't let him demean himself +before the heathen. + +You can see here in this country, as in Japan, native workers plyin' +their different trades, mechanics, painters, jewelers, etc., etc. Silk +weavers usin' the same old, onhandy looms they used centuries ago, ivory +carvers fashionin' elephants and other animals, and all on 'em tryin' to +sell to us in their high-pitched voices. + +I had quite a number of emotions here in China a musin' on the oldness +and strangeness of their civilization, and wonderin' if it would ever be +merged into a newer, fresher life. + +Blandina didn't share my lofty emotions, she simpered some and said, "I +believe they would make lovely husbands if their eyes wuz sot in +straighter and they dressed different." + +And I sez, "I wouldn't admire 'em in that capacity, but after all they +would be equinomical husbands. If you had a calico dress kinder wore off +round the bottom you could cut it off and make 'em wear it, men's +clothes are so expensive it would be quite a savin'. And you could pass +him off for the hired girl if strangers come onexpected, though that is +sunthin' I wouldn't approve on, fur from it, a hauty sperit goes before +a fall, as I told Josiah once when he got on a new kind of collar that +held his head up so high he fell over the wood-box." + +But to resoom. The Chinese are curious lookin', but equinomical, they +can live on a few grains of rice a day, and America owes 'em a debt of +gratitude anyway for tunnelin' her Rocky Mountains, buildin' her big +railroads and diggin' ditches to water the land and make it beautiful +that they're shet out of. + +Blandina sez to me as we wended our way out, "No man ort to be turned +back out of this country." She said the Chinee wuz good, industrious, +equinomical and peaceable. + +And I sez, "Yes, they work well and don't go round like some other +foreigners with a chip on their shoulder. But," sez I, "Blandina, I will +not tell the nation what to do in this matter; there is so much to be +said on both sides it must not depend on me to settle it, and they +needn't ask me to." + +I hadn't more than said these words as we wuz strollin' along when who +should we meet but Royal and Rosy Nelson. I knowed they wuz to be +married the very day after we left for St. Louis. We wuz invited but +couldn't go, our plans bein' all laid and tickets bought, but I sent 'em +a handsome present, for I wuz highly tickled with the match. + +Truly no rose ever looked sweeter hangin' on its bough than did Rosy +Nelson hangin' onto the arm of her devoted consort, and he I thought wuz +well named, so royal and proud wuz his mean as he introduced his wife. + +I kissed her warmly right there in China and promised to make her a all +day's visit soon as I got home, I'm lottin' on't. + +We talked a little about past troubles caused by Jabezeses and +inventions, and the glories of the Fair, and then they strolled off +happy as two turkle doves, not needin' or desirin' any other company +than their own, and showin' it plain by their actions. Josiah was put +out about it for he wanted to find out about how things wuz to home, +bein' highly tickled to meet a male Jonesvillian. + +Blandina sez as they walked away, bound up in each other and both on 'em +wropped up in the glowin' mantilly of youth and joy: "Oh, happy, happy +wedded souls! how I envy you." + +And Josiah sez in a fraxious axent, "How queer it is that two such smart +young folks can look and act so spooney, but thank heaven! it won't +last. It won't be long before Royal will be willin' to pass the time o' +day with a Jonesvillian." + +I told him there wuz nothin' so beautiful as love. "No, nor nothin' that +makes folk act so like pesky fools, they don't act as though they knew +putty." + +I hated such oncongenial idees. But couldn't deny they wuz spooney, for +they wuz, not a small teaspoon but a big silver dinner spoon, and I +believe it will last. Not the outward form of the spoon, oh, no, that +would be too wearisome to the world and themselves, but the precious +metal that forms it. Love is the greatest thing in the world. + +Blandina had always lived in a back place and had never heard a +graphophone, so bein' kinder tired, and bein' nigh a place where they +had one, we went in at her request and sot for quite a spell. + +And we heard voices and songs gay and sad, marches and melodies, +loftiest oratory, maddest mirth and profoundest feeling all comin' out +of a little square box, what a idee! + +What a man that Edison is. It seems always like watchin' the wonderful +onseen secrets of nater, like seein' the mortal made immortal to think +that voices we've loved and mourned as they wuz hushed in the last +stillness can sound out agin, breakin' our hearts with the same old +echoes, the same old sweetness of the voice we loved and lost, talkin' +in mortal words and axents to us when they've long, long ago learnt the +immortal language, beheld the immortal seens. + +Why Cleopatra's voice might have been stored up as she made love to +Antony, or the voice of the relation on her own side, old Mr. Pharo +himself orderin' the Hebrews to git out of his premises, and their back +talk about plaguin' him till he wuz willin' they should go. + +Why even Eve scoldin' Adam about slackness in gittin' kindlin' wood or +her pardner complainin' about her wastefulness and extravagance in usin' +so many fig leaves for her fall suit. Oh, how nateral, how nateral that +would sound to wimmen. + +Or old Noah's voice as he stood in the Ark door bagonin and shoutin' to +the animals to walk in male and female. Or his voice kinder soothin' and +patronizin' tellin' the female dove to go out and shirk round on the +water and see if it wuz safe for the males in the party to go out. Oh, +how nateral that would sound to wimmen, soundin' out through the +centuries. + +And on and on down the long years, Job's voice complainin' of the bitter +comfort of his friend's familiar talk. He'd stood losin' family and +fortune and had stood biles but the seven days' visitation and the "I +told-you-sos" and the advice of well wishers wuz too much for him. + +And Solomon's talk to Miss Sheba and hem to him. And Daniel's talk by +the deep waters, and mebby the Great Voice that said to him: + +"Understand!" + +And brave Queen Esther's voice facin' her enemies and a drunken king, +and sweet Ruth's, and Paul's incomparable words, and St. John's. Or the +lofty voices of the Patriot fathers as they nobly shrieked for freedom +as they threw their pardner's tea overboard, while they hung onto their +whiskey and tobacco that wuz taxed twice as high. + +Oh, how their impassioned cries for liberty, and how they would +willin'ly sacrifice their wives favorite beveridge ruther than to yield +to the tyrant. How nateral, how nateral them noble yells would sound to +their descendant females, the Daughters of the Revolution, and all the +rest. What would it be for us all to hear them axents, and it could have +been done if Edison had been born sooner and that little box had been +round. + +I didn't wonder that Blandina wuz enthused, it is enough to enthuse +anybody that never has hearn it, she said she laid out to go every day +three or four times a day and stay jest as long as she could. + +One of the most remarkable sights we see on the Pike wuz Jim Key, a +horse that is valued at a hundred thousand dollars, who travels in his +own private car. A horse that can read and write, spell, understand +mathematics, go to the post office, git mail from any box, give chapter +and verse of Bible text where the horse is mentioned, uses the +telephone, and is so intelligent you expect him to break out in oratory +any time. + +Josiah wuz spell bound here, I could hardly tear him away. And sez he: + +"The first thing I do when I go home will be to send the colt to the +deestrick school." + +I told him the teacher wouldn't want him whinnerin' round amongst her +scholars, and mebby gallopin' and snortin' round the schoolroom. + +But he wuz as firm as adamant in his idee. And Id'no what I shall do +about it. But spoze the trustees will have to head him off. + +Josiah wanted to go and see the Fire Fighters, he said he thought he +could git some idees to tell the brethren that wuz in the fire company, +and Blandina and I wanted to see the Esquimeaux Village. We went on, +Josiah promisin' to meet us there. And as we went I said: + +"I've sung for years about Greenland's icy mountains, but never spozed I +should set my eyes on 'em." For there towerin' up to the skies wuz +immense ice mountains peaked and desolate lookin', and inside it looked +worse yet. A bare snowy place broken by cold lookin' water dotted with +ice islands and surrounded by tall ice peaks. I don't spoze it wuz real +ice and snow, but looked like it. + +And there wuz reindeers hitched to sleds, and the low round huts of the +natives lookin' jest like the pictures in our old Gography. And there +wuz some white bears natural as life, and dog teams haulin' sledges, +toiling up the steep cliffs hitched tantrum. The natives wuz queer +lookin' little creeters, dark complexioned, dressed in furs and thick +costooms. But little Nancy Columbus born at the World's Fair, Chicago, +wuz cute as she could be. + +There wuz a big street show at the other end of the Pike and this place +wuz most deserted by sight-seers, and Blandina and I sot down on a bench +by the side of one of these little housen to rest. As we did so we hearn +the voice of oratory comin' from the other side, where some Esquimeaux +seemed to be gathered with open mouths and wonderin' linements. The +orator seemed to be finishin' his address in words as follers: + +"Let us not permit ourselves to be spiritually incapacitated by +quandaries regarding the control of earthly matter. Let us +circumnavigate the ethereal realms of unexplored ether, quander the +unquanderable until the everlastin' stupendiousness of the whyness of +the what shall dawn on the enraptured vision, and precipitate the +effulgent tissues of ethereal matter in one glorious pulchritude of +transcendentalism." + +As the speaker paused for needed breath Blandina clasped her hands and +sithed out, "Oh, what glorious eloquence! I never hearn anything like +it!" + +And I sez, "I never did but once, I know that voice, though I hain't +hearn it for twenty years; that is Prof. Aspire Todd." And I thought to +myself, he is practicin' over a speech, and thought the Esquimeaux would +stand it better than tribes less humble and good natered. And so it +turned out; he hoped he would be invited to speak at a scientific +meetin' to take place in Festival Hall in a day or two, and bein' to the +Inside Inn he'd tried to orate his speech in his own room, but it is +built so shammy you can hear things from one end to the other, and they +threatened him with horse whippin' on one side and lynchin' on the +other, and bein' drove to it he tried it on the Esquimeauxs. They stood +it pretty well, though I noticed one or two on 'em weepin' bitterly, not +knowin' what ailed 'em. + +Well, to resoom backward, I sez to Blandina, "I hearn Aspire Todd at a +Fourth of July celebration in Josiah's sugar bush." + +"Oh," sez Blandina, claspin' her hands, "would it be possible for you to +introduce me to that noble being?" + +Sez I, "You like his talk then?" + +"Oh, yes!" sez she, shutting her eyes and clasping her hands. "His +matchless eloquence is beyond praise." + +"So 'tis," sez I, "way beyond my praise. But I can introduce you if you +want me to; he visited me that time he wuz in Jonesville and stayed to +supper." So as he come round the corner of the buildin' follered by some +bewildered lookin' natives I put out my hand and sez, "I don't know as +you know me, Professor Aspire Todd, but you visited me in Jonesville. I +am Josiah Allen's wife." + +He grasped my hand almost warmly and sez, "Indeed my memory retroacts +readily on that delightsome remembrance." + +And then I introduced Blandina, knowin' I wuz makin' her perfectly happy +by so doin'. He'd growed old considerable, which I didn't blame him for +and didn't see as he could help it, twenty years havin' gone by. His +hair, which wuz still long and hung down over his turn-down collar, wuz +streaked with gray. But he still had the same kind of a curious, +sentimental, high-flown look to him. + +I didn't admire his looks, but Blandina's manners to him wuz worshipful, +and it seemed to agree with him first rate, he seemed really to take to +her. And as he asked to accompany and go with us to the next exhibit, I +fell in with it, and when my pardner come walked ahead with him while +Professor Todd follered with a perfectly blissful Blandina, and before +they parted he arranged a rondevoo next day with Blandina. + +I wuz beat out when I got home and Miss Huff sent Aunt Pheeny up to my +room with a glass of hot lemonade and some crackers, supper not bein' +quite ready owin' to shiftless works in the kitchen. Molly wuz in my +room also sweet as a June rosy. Aunt Tryphena wuz quiverin' with +excitement, and she sez, "Lazy, good for nothin' things! but it hain't +what they _do_ that I mind but it is their iggorance I despise." + +Sez Molly, "If they are ignorant you ought to overlook it, Aunt Pheeny." + +[Illustration] + +"Overlook it!" sez she, turnin' an' facin' us with her hands on her +portly hips. "I hain't used to no such trash. When anybody has lived +with the highest nobility they can't stomach such low down niggers. Why, +I used to have 'em kneelin' at my feet, four or five at a time, askin' +what I'd have for dinner. And that poor, iggorent, low-down cook in the +kitchen told me jest now I lied about Prince Arthur, that there never +wuz such a prince, and I sez to her, 'How any black nigger can stand +makin' bakin' powder biscuit and tell such lies is a mystery to me.'" + +"Well, you know Princes are not common in this country," sez I. + +She drew herself up more hautily, "Such a Prince as that hain't common +in no country! Why he's so handsome and good the very birds in the trees +will stop singin' to listen to his talk, and the grass turn brighter +green where he's stepped on it, and the May-flowers peek up and blush +with happiness if he looks at 'em." + +"How come you to leave him, Aunt Pheeny, if he wuz so perfect?" + +"I tole you before," sez she with dignity, "that when he went off to +school I wuzn't in no ways bound to stay with ole Miss. She wuz jealous, +you know, jealous of me. Prince Arthur made more of me, we used to sing +together, you know I've sung in Concorts and Operations, been a star in +'em. Ole Miss couldn't sing no more than a green frog. And he always +said when he got married I wuz to live with him, that nachully sot up +his Ma's back, and I santered off one day, never tole her I wuz goin', +but jest lifted up my train, I wore long pink and blue satin dresses +then, and I jest santered out the house over to Californy and Asia and +so on to Chicago, and then hired out to Miss Dotie's ma. And here I is!" +sez she firmly, and took up the empty tray and departed. + +She wuz a good singer, her voice full of the sweetness and heart +searchin' pathos of her race. And her wild flights of imagination never +hurt anyone but herself. + +Well, after supper, which they called dinner, I felt considerable +better. Josiah stayed down in the parlor talkin' to Grandpa Huff and +Billy, and Molly come up in my room agin and sot with me, whilst +twilight let down her soft gray mantilly round us and pinned it to the +earth with silver stars (metafor). + +I always take it as a great compliment when folks confide the deepest +secrets of their heart to me. And Id'no why it is, but they most always +do; I mean them that I take to nachully. Sometimes I've felt first rate +by it and spozed it wuz because I had such a noble riz up look to my +face. But Josiah sez it is because I have such a soft look that folks +think they can pour their griefs into me and they will sink in, some +like water into cotton battin, and they can lose sight of their sorrows +for a spell and relieve 'em some. Well, Id'no which it is, but +'tennyrate as Molly sot there with me lookin' as wan and pale as a white +rose on a cold November evenin' she told me the whole story, hid from +her own folks but revealed unto a Samantha. + +Josiah may say what he's a mind to, but I believe it is the natural +nobility of my linement that drawed it from her. While she wuz away +visitin' this school chum in a southern city she met a young chap +handsome as Appolyan, I knew from what she said, and so talented and +gifted, I could see in a minute they had fell in love voylently from the +very first time they met, and day by day the attraction growed till they +wuz completely wropped up in each other. She said he seemed to worship +her. + +But strange, strange thing! with all the love he showed her, in every +word and act, he left her without a word, only a sort of a wild note +saying he could not endure the wretchedness of seeing a heaven so near +that he could not hope to enter, and after that silence, deep, dark and +onbroken silence and despair. "And my heart is broken!" sez she, as she +laid her pretty head in my lap sobbin' out, "What shall I do! Oh, what +shall I do!" + +She wep' and cried and cried and wep', and I wep' with her, my snowy +handkerchief held in one hand, the other hand tenderly caressin' the +bowed head in my lap. But as she said the word Silence it brung up +sunthin' I had read that very day, and I sez: + +"Dear, did you ever hear of enterin' into the Silence?" + +"Yes," sez Molly, liftin' her tear wet, sweet face, "I have a friend who +enters into the Silence for hours, and she says that everything she +greatly desires and asks for at that time, is given her. She calls it +the New Thought." + +"And I call it the Old Thought, Molly, older than the creation of man. +And what they call Entering into the Silence, I call Waiting on the +Lord. And what I call prayer, they, from what I read, most probable call +waking up the solar plexus, whatever that may be. But it don't make much +difference what a thing is called, the name is but a pale shadow +compared to the reality. Disciples of the New Thought, Christian +Scientists, Healers, Spiritualists, etc., are, I believe, reaching out +and feeling for the Light as posies growin' in a dark suller send out +little pale shoots huntin' for the sunlight. And so I feel kinder soft +and meller towards the hull caboodle on 'em though I can't foller all +their beliefs. + +"For I, as a member of the M.E. meetin' house, call this great +beneficient over-rulin' Power that sot the world spinnin' on its +axletrees and holds it up, lest it dashes aginst the planets, and +directs the flight of the tiny bird fleeing before the snows; this +Mighty Force that controls us from the cradle to the grave, but which we +cannot see no more than we can see His servants, the cold and wind that +freezes us or the warmth and love that blesses us. This Power, that +whether we scoff or pray, holds us all in the hollow of His mighty hand, +I call God the Father, Son and Holy Guest, and believe it once took +mortal shape and dwelt with humanity to uplift and bless it. And that +love, that torture, crucifixion and death could not slay still yearns +over this sad old world, still as the comforting Guest makes its home in +human hearts that love and trust." + +Molly sot still with her pretty head leaning aginst me and I went on, +"In the story of His life and death, that volume that holds the wisdom +of the old and ripened glory of the new, that holy book sez, 'He that +dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under shadow +of the Almighty.' + +"What a place to abide in, Molly, the shadow of the All Loving, the All +Mighty one, a shadow that casts glowing light instead of darkness like +our earthly shadows, a pure white light in which, lookin' through the +eye-glass of faith we can read the meanin' of all the sorrows and +perplexities and troubles he permits us to endure, and find every word +on 'em gilt edged with glory. + +"Spiritualists, Christian Healers, etc., may name this what they will. +Disciples of the New Thought may call it the Silence, but I shall keep +right on callin' it the Secret Place of the Most High. And He who +inhabits that sacred place has promised that if you reverently and +obediently enter and dwell therein and trust in Him, He will give you +the desire of your heart. + +"So all you've got to do, Molly, is to do as he tells you to, obey and +trust Him jest as the child trusts his pa, and asks him for what he +wants most, you must ask Him for the desire of your heart, and if it is +best for you, dear, He will bring it to pass." + +"Do you think so?" sez she, brightenin' up more'n considerable. + +"No, I don't think so. I _know_ it." + +Well, them consolin' words, for thought is a _real thing_, and I jest +wropped her round with my tenderness and compassion, I guess they +comforted her some, 'tennyrate she promised me sweetly that she would +obey and trust, and I felt considerable better about her. + +I wuz sorry for her as sorry as I could be, but I had a strong feelin' +inside of my heart (mebby some wise, sweet angel whispered it to me) +that everything would come out right in the end, and Molly would git the +desire of her heart. + +She's belonged to the meetin' house for years. But sometimes members git +some shock that jars 'em and sends 'em out of the narrer road for quite +a spell and they git kinder lost gropin' through the dark shadders of +earthly disappointment and sorrow. Nothin' but the light that streams +down from above can pierce them glooms, and I knowed by the sweet light +that lit up Molly's linement that her face wuz turned in the right +direction and she wouldn't look sideways, behind or before, but would +seek for light and help from above. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +Well, for the next week we had a busy time, goin' to the Fair most every +day, sometimes all together, but not stayin' together long, for most +always we'd meet Professor Todd somewhere and he and Blandina would pair +off together (I jest as willin' as anybody ever wuz). + +Molly had a young schoolmate who lived in St. Louis, and sometimes they +would spend the day together at some reception or other. But most of the +time Josiah and I paid our two attentions to the Fair stiddy, a +travelin' about and seein' all we could. + +And one mornin' Josiah asked me before breakfast, jest as cool as if he +wuz proposin' a glass of lemonade with ice in it, if I didn't want to go +to Jerusalem that mornin'. + +Jerusalem! City of our Lord! Oh, my soul, think on't! As he said the +words I looked at him and then some distance through him and beyond, and +entirely onbeknown to myself I begun to hum over that old him: + +"Jerusalem the golden, with milk and honey blest, +Beneath thy contemplation sink heart and soul oppressed. +We know not, oh, we know not what joys await us there." + +And Josiah broke in and sung the last line with me (or what he called +singin'). + +"What radiancy of glory, what bliss beyond compare." + +But I knowed that singin' that time of day would be apt to draw +attention, specially as Josiah's singin' wuz very base and my sulferino +hain't what it wuz, and I hastened to say: + +"Yes, Josiah, I want to go." + +Breakfast wuz kinder late that mornin', and little Dorothy come into my +room, she slep' jest acrost from us, and she begun to tell me to once +about a meetin' she'd been to the night before with Aunt Pheeny. And to +make talk with her I asked her what the text wuz, and she sez: + +"Jesus the quilt." + +Josiah wuz horrified, and it did sound bad, and he begun to reprimand +her sharp, but I sez: + +"Tell me all about it, Dotie." + +And come to find out, it wuz "Jesus the Comforter," and her little +bedspread wuz sometimes called a quilt and sometimes a comforter. And I +told Josiah how necessary it wuz not to condemn children before +searching into their motives. But Dotie wuz evidently thinkin' about the +sermon she had hearn so lately, and she went on to ask, "Was Jesus a +Jew?" + +And I sez, "Yes, dear." + +"Why," sez she, "I always thought Dod wuz a Presbyterium." + +That wuz her Aunty Huff's persuasion, which she nachully thought +couldn't be improved on. + +Dotie had a little straw hat on that time o' day and I asked her what it +wuz for, and she sez, "Oh, I carry my papers in it, I'm writin' a book." + +Grandpa Huff always carried papers in his hat, and she copied him. I +asked her what her book wuz about, and how she wuz gittin' on with it +and she said: + +"It wuz about a lady, a buggler and a ghost, and I've killed 'em all and +that's as fur as I've got." + +Killin' a ghost! a burglar and a heroine, I thought what a noble start +for a sensational novel. + +But the breakfast bell rung jest then, and I took the little warm hand +in mine and led her down to breakfast. + +Well, after breakfast Josiah and I sot out in good season for Jerusalem. + +Molly wanted to go to the British Building to see a school friend of +hern that she thought might be there, and Blandina offered to accompany +her. They wuz goin' to stop at a number of places on the way, and we +agreed to meet at noon sharp at the English Building. + +We went into the walled city of Jerusalem by the Jaffa Gate, through a +tall arched entrance in the stun wall. Within wuz lots of carriages and +horses and camels and donkeys and men, wimmen and children, some in +strange and startlin' costooms, but the first thing Josiah spoke on wuz +the name of a restaurant, "A Fast," it wuz over a door clost by. + +"A fast," sez he, "that don't look very encouragin' in a eatin' house. +If it wuz Brek Fast it would look more hopeful." + +"You've had your breakfast, Josiah, and a good one. Don't be thinkin' of +vittles so much in such a place as this." + +"I shall think of what I'm a minter, and you can't break it up, mom!" + +Truly he spoke the truth; I could cling to his arm, drink out of the +same cup, set in the same chair, lay my head on the same piller, and +yet, he might be millions of milds from me in sperit, 'round with other +wimmen for all I knew. Queer, hain't it? + +Yes, he wuz thinkin' of food right here in this Holy City. As for me, a +perfect troop of lofty emotions wuz sweepin' through my mind, as I +looked 'round me on the very same seen our Lord had looked at. Low +old-fashioned stun housen such as He might have entered in, men and +wimmen clad in long robes such as He wore. + +And to think of seein' the Via Dolorosa, the Way of Sorrows, that He +walked, carryin' the agony of humanity, and the pityin' compassion of +divinity. + +And the Nine Stations of the Cross where our Lord stopped to rest on +that bitter journey, toiling up the steep hill carrying up the heavy +cross and the woes and sins of the world, awful! beautiful Calvary! +sacred, heart-breaking, holy place. How my soul burnt within me thinkin' +of all this as I stood in the Holy City. + +And there wuz the Tower of David, the Shepherd king. I always liked +David, though I could advised him for his good in lots of things. He +didn't do right by Ury, and he ortn't to had so many wives, if he'd +scrimped himself a little in 'em, mebby his son, Solomon, wouldn't had +so many, and one is enough, as I told Josiah. + +"Yes," sez he with intense conviction in his tone. "One wife is enough +for any man, heaven knows, and anybody that hankers after more than one +is a fool!" + +I didn't really like his axent; he'd been layin' it up, I guess what I +said about vittles, but I didn't mind it. + +And we went through the different quarters of the city. The little +stores and bazars by the side of the street wuz full of real nice things +to sell, rich Eastern woven goods, embroideries, cushions, curtains, +rugs, lamps, jewels, ornaments, trinkets of all kinds, etc., etc. There +is more than a hundred of these little booths and stores in Jerusalem, +and all full of handsome things. I loved to look at 'em, though Josiah +tried to draw me away. + +Sez he, "You don't want to buy here; you can do as well agin in +Jonesville tradin' off your butter and eggs, and probable git a chromo +throwed in." + +I didn't argy, but I bought a string of beads for Tirzah Ann and a pipe +for Thomas J., the wood of which growed on the Mount of Olives, so the +man said. + +I told Josiah they would prize 'em high havin' come from Jerusalem. + +And he said, "They never see Jerusalem," he said they wuz growed over in +New Jersey, and when I asked him how he knew, he said he re_cog_nized +the berries and the grain of the wood. + +But he couldn't no such thing, and I presoom the man told considerable +truth. And we see Rabbis, Turkish cavalry, common people livin' in the +queer little housen jest as they did in Jerusalem, and the priests goin' +through their religious ceremonies jest the same. And we went through +the Citadel and the different public buildin's. + +There wuz lots of wimmen and girls on the streets, some on 'em sellin' +posies for charity, I bought two little bunches, one on 'em I put in +Josiah's buttonhole, though he objected and said it would probable make +talk for a man of his age and dignity to be trimmed with flowers. + +They wuz real pretty girls, with white veils on over their dark hair, +their lustrous eyes lookin' out at us as they might have looked at the +Postles. + +And there wuz cunnin' little donkeys that anybody could ride if they +wanted to, and camels with gorgeous trappings kneelin' down ready for +folks to mount and be carried 'round the streets. Josiah stood ready to +pay the ten cents apiece to give us the pleasure of a ride. + +But I declined the treat. I sez, "We don't ride the old mair hoss back +to home, and I don't hanker after bein' histed up onto a camel's hump, +or to see you in that perilous poster." + +He said he'd love to tell the bretheren we'd rid 'em, but seein' I wuz +sot agin it he gin up. + +The streets smell bad and are so narrer I don't see how they would +manage if two buggies met; one would have to back out, they couldn't git +by each other. + +The old Roman barracks are bare and dreary lookin', but dretful +interestin' to me for there our Lord stood to be judged by Caesar like a +lamb before the shearer, and he said, "I wash my hands of this matter, I +find no fault in this man." + +I wish Caesar had had more gumption. His wife could see furder ahead +than he could. But that is often the case, as I tell Josiah. + +And we went through St. John's Hospice, and the Mosque of Omar. That is +a monstrous big building with a great round dome on top, two broad +flights of steps lead up into it, we clumb the nighest one and went +inside. The high dome is lined with colored mosaic, and looks +first-rate, but I didn't pay much attention to that for right underneath +the centre is an exact reproduction of the rock where Abraham offered up +Isaac, or got ready to. How Love and Duty tugged at Abraham's heart and +most tore it into as he stood there, and what faith he had. It is +heart-breakin' to think on't, though it all come out right in the end, +as the hardest things will if we cling to Duty. + +But Josiah wuz gittin' worrisome and wanted to go, but I sez, "Josiah, I +must see Solomon's Temple." + +It wuz quite a few steps away, but I didn't begrech the time or journey, +and jest as we wuz goin' up the steps, who should we meet comin' out but +Jane Olive Perkins (_nay_ Gowdey) once a Jonesvillian, but now livin' in +Chicago, but visitin' her old home and relation quite often. + +She wuz dressed beautiful, her neck and bosom sparklin' with diamonds. I +don't approve of such dressin' in the street, but Jane Olive wuz always +showy. + +She held out both hands in joyful greetin' (the meanin' of which I +mistrusted afterwards). We talked about the splendor of the Fair and our +own two healths, and the Jonesvillians, and then she sez: + +"I am so delighted to meet you, Josiah Allen's wife, for I know you will +want to give to a noble cause I am workin' for, you and dear Mr. Allen. +It is a cause that ort to be first in every feelin' heart, and I knew +you'd give liberal." + +I'd forgot my portmoney that mornin' and didn't want right there in +Solomon's Temple to dicker with Josiah for money, I knowed it would make +him fraxious. And I wuz havin' such a lot of lofty emotions there at +Jerusalem, I didn't want to bring 'em down by havin' words with my +pardner. And I knowed too that "dear Mr. Allen" would be apt to say hash +things that would bring him down in Jane Olive's estimation, he's so +clost and he never liked her to begin with. + +So I said I couldn't very well stop and tend to it right there in +Solomon's Temple, and she asked me for my address and told me she should +come and see me. She wuz stayin' at a big tarven not so very fur from +Miss Huff's, and said she'd brought her orto and shuffler with her from +Chicago. + +Well, she bid us a tender adoo, sayin' the last thing "_owe Revwah_," or +sunthin' like that and Josiah sez to me: + +"Who's she twittin' us on? I don't owe nobody by that name, nor never +did, not a cent, I'm a man that pays my debts." + +And I sez, "Dear Josiah, nobody that knows you can dispute it." + +Jane Olive kinder smiled and passed on, and I'dno but in Fancy I and the +public may as well set down on the steps of Solomon's Temple, and I'll +tell about who Jane Olive Perkins wuz. She wuz Jane Olive Gowdey, and +married Samuel Perkins, old Eliphilet Perkinses second boy, and folks +thought she done mizable when she married him. Sam hadn't been put to +work much bein' sort o' weakly so his folks thought, he looked kinder +peaked. + +But I spoze Sam enjoyed pretty good health all the time onbeknown to his +folks and wuz kinder savin' up his strength, layin' it up as you may say +for the time o' need, so he had it all when he wuz married. A master +hand he wuz to save things and make 'em count. For all he never did any +work to speak on, he had more proppity laid up than any of the Perkins +boys when he wuz married, he had saved so and sort o' speculated and +laid up. + +He wuz kinder mean too, runnin' after wimmen at that time, though +onbeknown to Jane Olive or his folks, but it come out afterwards, he wuz +awful sly. When he married Jane Olive Gowdey that wuz a surprise too, +for Bill, the oldest boy, wanted her the worst way and everybody spozed +they wuz engaged. A good creeter Bill wuz, virtuous as Joseph, or any of +the old Bible Patriarchs, and virtuouser than lots of 'em. + +But Sam, in jest that way of hisen, laid low and sort o' did the best he +could with what he had to do with, sort o' speculated and increased her +likin' for him on the sly (mean fellers will git ahead of good ones five +times out of ten, wimmen are so queer). And lo and behold! the first +Jonesville knew they up and got married. + +They moved to a big city where Sam got a chance to travel for a grocery +store, and Jane Olive opened a inteligence office, where for an ample +consideration she furnished incompetent help to distracted housekeepers, +receivin' pay from both victims, and they laid up money fast. Then he +went into pork and first we knew Sam wuz a very rich man, lived in great +style, kep' his carriage, but wuz awful mean, so we heard, hadn't no +morals at all to speak on so fur as wimmen wuz concerned, and we had +hearn that Jane Olive not bein' over and above happy in marriage, and +forgittin' to all appearance she had ever dickered with mistress and +maid, wuz tryin' her best to work her way in among the aristockracy, she +wuz dretful ambitious and so wuz Sam, they wanted to go with the first. + +She did everything she could to foller their example, she dressed up in +satin and diamonds and trailed 'round to theatres and operas and hung +over dry goods counters, and kep' her maid and coachman and butler, or +that's what folks say, I don't even know what a butler is expected to +do, or Josiah don't. "Butler," sez I when I hearn on't, "I can't imagine +what a butler duz." + +And Josiah sez, "A coachman is to coach, and a waiter is to wait, and a +butler must be to buttle." + +Sez I, "Buttle what? Or who? Or when?" But he couldn't tell. Well, Sam +he did everything to git into the first and be fashionable, he embezzled +a lot, broke down two or three times with enormous profit to himself, +spent his money like water, wuz jest as mean as he could be, went over +to Europe now and then, did everything he could do to be fashionable and +act like a man of the world, and finally he led astray a little girl +that lived with 'em, a motherless little girl they had took, pretty as a +pink too, and affectionate dispositioned. Jane Olive turned her +outdoors, of course, when she found it out. It wuz in the fall of the +year, and the night before Christmas the girl with her baby in her arms +jumped into the river and wuz drownded. + +Her father had some spunk and took Sam up, but he wuz always sly and +looked ahead, and he proved that she wuz a day or two older than the age +of consent, and he got let off triumphant and her father had to pay the +cost, besides the funeral expenses, and grave stun. + +Such smartness riz Sam up considerable amongst his mates and he wuz sent +to Congress most immegiately afterwards, and it wuz owin' to his +powerful arguments that the age of consent wuz lowered a year or two; I +believe he brought it down to about ten years. He wuz thought a sight on +by his genteel male friends, so they say, he worked so powerful for +their interest. He brought down the licenses on saloons and bad housen a +sight, and made almost Herculanean efforts to have saloons scattered +broadcast through the country without _any_ license to pay. I spoze +there never wuz a more popular statesman. He worked too hard though, and +had to retire to more private life to reap the fruits of his efforts. +And he kep' right on, so they say reapin' 'em ever since, cuttin' up and +actin', but always actin' jest inside the law and always cuttin' up the +same. + +He had the gift of gab and he made eloquent public speeches, tellin' +what boons saloons and kindred places wuz to the community. I spoze +there never wuz a more popular legislator. + +But, of course, such high honors cast dark shadders, and one night after +he'd made a powerful speech at the openin' of a saloon he owned, a old +one made over into gorgeous beauty, he got a good hoss whippin', and by +some wimmen too. + +Perkins had made a great speech himself and wantin' to show off to the +world that it wuz real respectable (they had this saloon kinder graded +off, weaker drinks in one place leadin' up gradual to brandy and +whiskey), he got a minister, a well-meanin' man, so I hearn, who made a +prayer and then they all sung the Doxology: + +Praise God from whom all blessings flow-- + +Askin' God to bless what He'd cursed. What must God thought on't! For He +and they well knew all the sin and pain, poverty and crime that flowed +out of saloons, the ontold losses and danger to community, the +brutality, fights, murders, crimes of all kinds. + +Praise Him all creatures here below-- + +When that minister knowed the stuff he wuz dedicatin' rendered all +creeters here below, no matter how smart they wuz nachully, incapable of +tellin' whether they wuz on their head or their heels, blessin' or +cussin'. When a man is drunk as a fool how can he praise anything? It is +all he can do to navigate his own legs within' and weavin' along under +him, ready to crumple down any minute into the gutter. He'd look well +tryin' to sing gospel hims when he can't tell what his own name is, or +speak it if he could. + +Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts + +Why, I don't see how they dasted to sing that when they knowed that the +Heavenly Host couldn't have flowed through such places without bein' +liable to git their feathers pulled out in some of the drinkin' carouses +held there. As liable agin for their pure eyes must be dimmed with +tears, tears for the eighty thousand victims turned out yearly from +these resorts. Innocent youth changed to reckless wickedness, noble +manhood turned to brutes falling from honorable places in society down +into drunkards' loathsome lives, drunkards' dishonored graves. + +How could these pityin' sperits help weepin' over it? And the long, +agonized procession follerin' on--pale, wretched mothers, once happy +wives, now hungry, broken-hearted wrecks, with pinched, starved children +clingin' to their ragged skirts. The idee of askin' this pure heavenly +Host to praise God for what brought all this to pass! + +Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. + +Why, I believe that Satan himself, though he loved to see the work go +on, would be ashamed to sing the Doxology there. I don't believe you'd +ketch him at it, for he is so smart he would see in a minute how it +would look to praise God for such a place as that when he had said +plain: + +"Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor's lips." + +And Satan knowed jest as well as Josiah and I and the world did, that +saloons wuz made a purpose for this. + +"And no drunkard hath eternal life." And that minister wuz ordained to +help people attain that life, not to help 'em lose it. + +I don't see what he wuz thinkin' on. Of course, the top of the long +slippery descent to ruin is quite cheerful lookin', lit up with false +lights, hollow mirth, false hopes and dreams lurin' the victims on and +down. But he knowed how slippery it wuz, how impossible it wuz for +ordinary men to stand up when they got to slidin' down. He knew that +nothin' but God's grace wuz strong enough to reach down and haul 'em up +agin to level ground. + +A few men are so strong-footed they can grip on and stay 'round the top +for some time, and I presoom this minister, bein' a good-natered man +would been glad to had 'em all hung on there, but he must have knowed +they wouldn't and couldn't. He'd seen 'em leggo thousands and thousands +every year, he knowed what made 'em fall. And he might jest as well made +a prayer and sung a hymn over a murderer's knife, because he wanted it +to cut bread but knowed it would and did murder, as to done this. + +For no matter what he wanted he knowed intemperance is evil and only +evil. And pattin' a pizen viper and callin' it "angel" and singin' the +Doxology over it hain't goin' to change its nater, its nater is to +sting, and its bite is death. + +And the God they dasted to invoke said of the drink the place wuz made +to sell, "It biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder," and the +end thereof is death. + +I don't know what that good man could be thinkin' on to dast. But then +as long as our Government opholds it, I spoze he thought he might. + +But I wish I'd been there to told him how it wuz goin' to look to me and +Josiah and the world, and what slurs wuz goin' to be cast onto the +sacred cause of religion by it. + +I couldn't tell him what harm it wuz goin' to do; no, eternity is none +too soon to count that up. Awful waves of influence sweepin' +along--sweepin' along clear from to-day to the Day of Judgment; I can't +bear to think on't; I'm kinder sorry for him, and am glad enough it +hain't my Josiah that has got that ahead on him. I wish he'd ondo now +what he's done as fur as he can, he'd feel better, I believe, I know +that I and the meetin' house would and Josiah. + +But, 'tennyrate, no matter how Satan wuz laughin' and sneerin' and +angels bendin' down from the gold bars of Heaven lookin' through their +pityin' tears hopin' it must be a mistake, not believin' it possible +that them prayers and hims could come from a man-killin' saloon. And +coverin' their eyes with their droopin' wings when they found it wuz +so--they sung it through and the minister, for he wuz a stiddy man, went +home in good season. And Perkins also started home walkin' afoot, it wuz +so little ways. + +And as I said, some wimmen sot on him and hoss-whipped him. Some of +these wimmen's husbands had been ruined and killed by the Poor Man's +Club. And there wuz some mothers whose little boys of seven and eight +had been coaxed with brandy-soaked candy into another saloon Perkins +owned. For this saloonkeeper had boasted, Perkins backin' him, that +money spent enticin' the young and innocent to drink, whilst they wuz +easily influenced, wuz money well spent. + +For of course, as good calculators, they had to in the interest of their +profession provide new recruits to take the place in the staggerin' +ranks of the hundred thousand they annually killed off. And this +saloonkeeper, helped on by Perkins, had the name of the most active boy +and girl ruiner among the thousands in the city, though they all did a +flourishin' bizness. + +Two or three of Perkins' saloons made a specialty of sellin' drink to +girls, and their mothers who lay their heads on their pillows at night +and found 'em like thorns and fire under their heads, thinkin' of the +pretty warm-hearted girls who had to be away from mother's care to earn +their livin', out to service and in manufactories and elsewhere. And +some rich mothers, whose girls wuz away to school---- + +These mothers thinkin' what a weak thing a girl's will wuz when drink +had drownded out the small self-control they had, and youthful passion +and temptation urgin' 'em on, and the company Perkins nachully drawed +'round him. + +These mothers whose boys and girls wuz like pieces of their own hearts, +and these wives in the grief made recklessness of despair, made a hash +vow that they would break up Perkinses saloons or die in the attempt, so +they sot on him that night and gin him good drubbin'. + +But they couldn't do much, for the police, of course, horrified by their +onparalelled and onprovoked crime, hustled the wimmen off to jail, and +escorted Perkins home with honor. But to resoom backwards. + +I will git up (in fancy) from the steps of Solomon's Temple and go on +in. + +This is a complete copy of the magnificent temple built by Solomon, the +wisest man in the world. Though like all wise men he had his foolish +streaks, seven hundred wives is too many for one man to git along with, +I should told him so if I had lived neighbor to him. I'd say: + +"Mr. Solomon, if you have the name of knowin' so much show your +smartness by gittin' rid of six hundred and niney-nine on 'em; keep jest +one, pick her out, take your choice, but discharge the rest. Set 'em up +in dressmakin' or millionary or sunthin' to git a livin' by, and settle +down peaceable with one." Mebby he'd hearn to me and mebby not, men are +so sot in their way. + +But to resoom. Here we stood in that splendid temple which was the +wonder of the world, and see the tabernacle the old Hebrews carried with +'em through the parted waves of the Red Sea and their journeyin's +through the wilderness for forty years, led by the pillow of fire. + +What feelin's I had as I looked on it and meditated, what riz up +feelin's them old four fathers that carried it must have had, and them +that follered on, led as they wuz by heavenly light, fed by heavenly +food. How could they acted as they did, rambelous often and often, +wanderin' from the right road, but still not gittin' away from the +Divine care. + +And there wuz a picture forty feet long, as long as our barn, showing +the old Hebrews encamped before Mount Sinai, where Moses received the +Law that rules the world to-day (more or less). Heaven drawin' so nigh +to earth that hour that its light fallin' on Moseses face made it too +glorious for mortal eyes to look on. + +And I'dno but one of them mountains we see wuz where Moses stood after +his forty years journey, castin' wishful eyes onto the Promised Land, +not bein' able to enter in because of some past error and ignorance. And +I thought, as I stood there, how many happy restin' places we plan and +toil for and then can't enter in and possess through some past error and +mistake caused by ignorance as dense as Moseses ignorance. What a lot of +emotions I had thinkin' this, and how on top of another mount the great +prophet and law-giver wuz not, for God took him. + +I wuz lost and by the side of myself, but Josiah's voice reached me up +in the realm of Reverie and brought me back. + +"What ails you, Samantha? Do you lay out to stand here all day?" And I +tore myself away. + +Well, there wuz movin' pictures describin' the Holy Land and we see 'em +move, and dissolvin' views of the same and we see 'em dissolve, and at +last Josiah got so worrisome I had to go on with him. We laid out to +stop to Japan and France, they bein' right on our way, and I sez, "We +might as well stop at Morrocco." For as I told Josiah, while we wuz +travelin' through foreign countries we might as well see what we could +of the people, their looks and habits. + +But he sez to once, "You don't want to buy any Morrocco shues, Samantha, +they don't wear nigh so well as calf-skin and cost as much agin." And +sez he, "We won't have more than time to go through Japan and France and +do justice to 'em." So we went on. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +The Japan exhibit is on a beautiful hill south of Machinery Palace. +There are seven large buildin's besides the small pagodas and all filled +with objects of interest. It seems as if the hull kingdom of Japan must +have taken hold to make this display what it is. And how they could do +it with a big war goin' on in their midst is a wonder, and shows beyend +words what wonderful people the Japans are. + +There are two kinds of exhibits, one by the allied business interests or +Government and the other by individuals. But they all seem to work in +harmony, havin' but one idee, to show off Japan and her resources to the +best advantage, and the display wuz wonderful, from a royal pavilion, +rich in the most exquisite and ornate decorations down to a small bit of +carving that mebby represented the life long labor of some onknown +workman. + +In the Transportation Buildin' is a map one hundred feet long, showing +the transportation facilities of the Empire, a perfect network of +railways and telegraph and telephone wires, showin' they have other ways +of gettin' 'round there besides man-carts and jinrikshas, yes, indeed! +it is a wonder what they have done in that direction in fifty years. + +The postal exhibit shows they delivered eight hundred and sixteen +million pieces of mail last year, and every post-office has a bank, the +school children have deposited in them eleven millions. I wish our +country would do as well. The exhibit of the steamships show jest as +much enterprise, and how world-wide is their commerce. The saloon of one +of the steamships is a dream of beauty and luxury. + +The Temple of Nikko is ornamented by wonderful carving in catalpa, +chrysantheums, etc., and in it in glass cases are the most beautiful +specimens of their embroidery, tapestry, pottery. One pair of vases are +worth ten thousand dollars. As you leave this Temple you see on each +side the finest specimens of Japanese art, painted and embroidered +screens, all kinds of metal, laquear and ivory work; exquisite vases and +priceless old delft wear, and there is a model Japanese house, you feel +that you'd love to live in it. There is one spring room in it that holds +the very atmosphere of spring. The tapestry and crape hangings are +embroidered with cherry blossoms, its one picture is a sweet spring +landscape. Low green stools take the place of stuffy chairs and sofas. +And there wuz an autumn room, autumn leaves of rich colors wuz woven in +the matting and embroidered in the hangings, the screens and walls white +with yellow chrysantheums. + +Then there wuz a gorgeous Japan room with walls of exquisitely carved +laquear wood, massive gilt furniture, rich embroidered silk hangings, +and the ceiling wuz a beautifully carved flowery heaven with angels +flying about amidst the flowers. This one room cost forty-five thousand +dollars. + +And we see lovely embroidered cloths, porcelain, shrines, urns, +cabinets, chairs all wrought in the highest art, silks of every +description, and sights and sights of it. Fans, parasols, lanterns, +fireworks of all kinds, mattings, straw goods, cameras, etc., etc. + +In the mining display is a model of one of their copper mines, and you +see they have the largest furnace in the world, and they not only mine +on land but under the sea, it beats all how them Japanese do go ahead. +There are tall gold and silver bars showing how much they have mined in +these metals. + +Their educational exhibit shows the same wonderful energy and +advancement. There is a compulsory educational law and twenty-two per +cent. of the children attend school. There are schools for the blind, +deaf and feeble-minded, and a display of all their excellent methods of +education, from kindergarten to the imperial university. + +In the Palace of Electricity on a map thirty feet high and twenty-five +feet wide, you see pictures of Japan's great engineering work, Lake Biwa +Canal, connecting the Lake with Kioto. Irrigating, electricity making, +electrical apparatus invented by them, they have nearly twenty-five +thousand telephones, long and short distance. + +In the tea exhibit you see everything relating to this beverage, tea +houses, experimental farms and over one hundred different kinds of tea +are shown. Rice is shown in every stage of its growth, tobacco, fruit, +canned goods. + +You can enter the Forestry and Fish departments through a temple built +of twenty different kinds of wood. Here you see all the native forest +woods, bamboo takin' the lead. Their fish and their methods of fishing +are shown off, charts of their fishing grounds and boats. The Japanese +section of the Palace of Fine Arts has the best samples of sculpture, +painting and pottery. + +But the crownin' beauty of the Japanese display is the Enchanted Garden +(well-named). A charmin' little lake lies in the midst of flower beds +and hedges, dotted by aquatic flowers. Beds of hydrangeas and +chrysantheums and other bright flowers glow in the sunlight. A pretty +summer house stands on a little island and bending over the water are +dwarf pine trees brought from Japan. At one end is a waterfall, and +there is a pleasant tea house where pretty Japan girls serve tea on the +broad galleries. + +Beyend the lake you see a model Japanese house and not fur off is the +headquarters of the Japanese commission. Near the top of the hill is a +large pavilion made of wood and bamboo. It is used as a reception room, +and here you see Japanese costooms from the earliest day to the present. +Here are pictures of the Emperor and Empress. There is a display here +also of the Red Cross society, medical boxes of army and navy, etc. This +is the only hint this courteous country gives of the great war going on +at home that would stop the exhibit of most any other country. They are +a wonderful people and are making swift strides to the front in every +direction. I took sights of comfort here and so did Josiah. + +I said a big war would stop the exhibit of most every country--it has +stopped Russia--she don't have much show here to the Fair, they wanted +to, and laid out to, but couldn't on account of havin' to go to war. It +is dretful busy this year, killin' off men, and sendin' out men all the +time to be killed, so of course, it can't devour the same time in more +peaceful occupations. + +I wuz really sorry, for I always liked the Zar. Of course, we don't +visit back and forth, he havin' the misfortune to not live neighbor to +us. But I always thought he wuz likely, real smart and good-natered, +lovin' his wife and babies devotedly, settin' a splendid example in this +direction to other high potentates who act and behave more or less. + +And his Peace Proclamation, like a tall white monument riz up for men +and angels to admire. How its pure luminous light lit up this dark earth +and streamed clear up to heaven, the blessed influence it shed abroad +wuz so beneficient and divine. How much I and the hull world thought +on't. + +And here it is all broke to smash, for of course, it wuz right in his +way and he had to tromple on over it, he and the squadrons he called to +war. + +I don't know exactly the right or wrong on't, it is hard sometimes to +keep track of ethics in a Jonesville quarrel, and when two big Empires +git to cuttin' up and actin' and sassin', and dastin' each other to do +thus and so, I can't be expected to know all the ins and outs of their +dispute. + +But I do know this, that the beautiful Peace Monument is smashed all to +pieces under the feet of the thousands and thousands of men sent out to +murder and be murdered, and it is doubtful to me if the Zar can ever +contoggle it up agin to be as strong as it wuz before. You know he will +nachully git his muscles and will and temper kinder stiff jinted leadin' +the armies and gittin' so awful mad. + +But, there they be, these two great nations, Japan and Russia, sendin' +out their peaceable and well-behaved sons by the thousands and hundreds +of thousands to cut each other to-pieces, shoot, maim and murder each +other, for that is what war is, it is on purpose to kill men, the +greatest crime in the civil calendar. + +As I told Josiah one night to Miss Huff's, as I laid down a paper givin' +the details of a bloody battle which wuz headed "A Great Victory." + +Victory! the idee! hundreds of men borne bleeding from the field +suffering tortures worse than death and every pang they felt twice +suffered by them that loved 'em, watching and waiting at home in +agonized suspense, hundreds more layin' with their white, dead faces +upturned to heaven as if in mute appeal and wonder that such a horror as +war could be in a world where the words of the gentle Christ had been +hearn. + +Sez I, "I can't understand it, Josiah, John Jones gits mad and kills one +man, a small boneded man too, and weakly, couldn't live long anyway, and +John had been abused by him shameful and wuz dretful mad at him. A +horrified state law clutches John Jones and kills him. Public Opinion +sez good enough for John, it will keep other murderous-minded men at bay +mebby. + +"But I always loved justice, and if a king gits mad and kills or causes +to be killed hundreds of thousands of men I can't see why he if +successful should be admired for it, have a monument riz up to show +forth his nobility and school boys be taught to emulate his greatness." + +Josiah said, "That wuz different, a war between nations wuz planned +ahead, it wuzn't murder." + +"But," sez I, "if John Jones had planned killin' his man he would git +hung the sooner." + +"Well," sez Josiah, "great national quarrels has to be settled some way. +Nations wouldn't go to war unless they wuz aggravated." + +Sez I, "John Jones wuz aggravated. Murders hain't generally planned or +committed in class meetin's, and love feasts." + +"Well," sez Josiah, scratchin' his head, "it is different." + +But I sez, "How different, Josiah, they are both murders." + +Sez Josiah, "I guess I'll go down to Grandpa Huff's room and borry the +World." But I kep' thinkin' on't after he left about war and what it +wuz. Rivers of human blood flowin' through ruined countries, follered by +the horrible specters of pestilence, disease and famine, moral and +financial ruin. Acres and acres of graves filled with forms once full of +throbbing life and hope and dreams of future happiness, cut down like +grass before the mower. Wives, mothers, sisters, sweethearts see the sun +of their life's joy go down in blackness, their heaven of love and +happiness changed into a hell of misery by somebody's quarrel, +somebody's greed and ambition. How many of the common soldiers who make +up the great body of the army know or care about the right or wrong of +their cause. They go into the fight like dumb-driven cattle, suffer and +die and make their loved ones die a hundred deaths jest because they are +hired to do it, hired to murder their fellow men, jest as you would hire +a man to cut down a grove of underbrush. They go out to this wholesale +slaughter to kill or be killed, to meet all the black awful influences +that foller the armies, go gayly to the sound of bugle and drum. + +It is the common people who bleed and die, it is the hearts of the +common people that are wrung; it is their wives and orphan children who +have to struggle along and strive and die, or live and suffer by this +cause. + +And who can tell the moral, physical and financial ruin, the sickenin' +and terrible effects of evil habits formed there, the sin and woe that +like a black cloud follers the army? The recordin' angel himself can't +do the sum till the day of judgment, not till then can he add up the +broad, ever-widenin' effects of evil and sorrow that follers a great war +and that shall go on and on till time shall be no more. + +Calm judicial eyes lookin' back at this problem from the happy days when +Peace and Love shall rule the world, from the era when Courts of +Arbitration will settle national differences, will look back on the +bloody godless warfare of to-day with more horrow than we do on the +oncivilized doin's of our savage ancestors. + +It is strange, hain't it, to think eighteen centuries of Christian +teaching hain't wiped the blood stains off the face of the earth, as it +would like to? Yes, indeed! our Lord's words are luminous with Charity, +Peace and Love. But the vengeful black clouds of war sweep up between +the nations and the Sermon on the Mount and hides its words so they +can't, or don't heed 'em. + +And I d'no what's goin' to be done. I guess them that don't believe in +war must keep on givin' in their testimony, keep peggin' away at Public +Opinion and constant droppin' will wear away stun. + +But to resoom backwards. We stayed so long in Japan that I couldn't +devote so much time to France as I wanted to, for they too had a fine +display. The most beautiful exhibit we saw was the reproduction of the +Grand Trienon, the favorite home of Napoleon, brought from all +appearances from Versailles with its famous garden and sot down here in +St. Louis. + +There is a big central pavilion and on each side wings, each terminating +in a pavilion joined by tall marble columns. The ruff is surrounded by a +balustrade ornamented by vases and beautiful statutes. The same +balustrade extends the hull length of the building below, five hundred +and thirty-four feet. + +And below it stretches the beautiful garden, terraces, lake, fountains, +statutes, rare flowers, shrubs and trees. Winding walks in which the +great Conqueror might have walked with his brain teemin' with ambitious +plans. I didn't want to leave the garden it was so beautiful, but time +wuz passin' and we went inside and went through room after room, each +one seemin'ly more beautiful than the one we had seen last. The +picture-room wuz specially beautiful filled as it is with treasures of +French art. And all the rooms wuz gorgeous with tapestries, elaborate +carving, sculpture, painting, the most exquisite decorations of all +kinds showing what a beauty and pleasure-loving race can gather about it +of beauty and grandeur if it sets out to. + +And France shows off well also in manufactures, electricity, machinery, +transportation, etc. All together this is the best exhibit she has ever +made, and she has reason to be proud on't. + +England makes a good show in products and processes in every Exposition +building. In the Palace of Varied Industries she gives a model of one of +her charming country houses, a model indeed of comfort and luxury. + +Her national pavilion is built of red brick and stone and is a +reproduction of the Orangery, a building two hundred years old. It wuz +Queen Ann's favorite home, and I didn't blame Ann a mite for lovin' it. +As I walked through the beautiful and stately rooms I thought I would +have loved to neighbor with Ann and spend some time with her. + +The gardens outside are so beautiful you don't want to leave 'em, shaded +avenues, terraces, flower beds, yew and box shrubs trained into shapes +of lions and big birds. Josiah wuz entranced here, and as he stood lost +in admiration of them green animals growin' right out of the ground, he +sez: + +"My first job in Jonesville is cut out, Samantha." + +As first chaperone I looked at him tenderly and sez, "Don't jar your +mind too much, Josiah, don't dwell on tuckerin' things." + +"But," sez he, pintin' to the green form of the lion growin' right out +of the ground, "do you see what a impressive and noble figger the old +mair is goin' to cut when Ury and I sculp her out of the pig-nose apple +tree? We can do it by odd jobs, and the apples hain't good for nothin' +anyway." + +But I sez, "You can't prune apple trees into figgers, Josiah, it takes +different trees, and that is too big anyway." + +"That's a woman's way of talkin'; I want her in heroic size, she's +worthy on't. I expect," he went on, "the road will be jest lined with +Jonesvillians, and we'l see 'em hangin' over the orchard fence lookin' +on and admirin' the beautiful statter, I think I can see her now, head +up, tail out, mane a flutterin'--you'll see, Samantha." + +"Oh, dear!" sez I, "I expect I will see more than I want to." + +But goin' on a little furder we see what put such vain and onpractical +idees out of his head. We wandered into a spot where there wuz +old-fashioned flowers, such as grow in the green meadows and hedges of +old England, and there wuz some old wimmen wrinkled and gray, poorly +clad, lookin' at them daisies and cow-slips and laughin' and cryin' over +'em. + +They wuz fur from the old home and the summer time of youth and love, a +half century of years and dreary wastes of sea and land lay between 'em, +but these cow-slip blows and daisies took them back to their youth and +the sunny fields they wandered in with the young lover whose eyes wuz as +blue as the English violets, while their own cheeks wuz as rosy as the +thorn flowers. + +When the hull world lay hid in a rosy mist, and they wuz the centre of +it, and life wuz new, and hope and happiness gilded the future, and the +Fairy land of America wuz beckonin' to 'em out of the rosy mist. + +Fifty years of dusty, smoky tenement life, hard work, child-birth, +rearing children, toil, disappointment, pain--where wuz they? They had +all gone. They wuz eighteen agin; they wuz pickin' the rosy blooms in +the dear home land, and love wuz whisperin' to 'em that they wuz sweeter +than the flowers. + +I took out my snowy handkerchief and almost cried myself, the tears just +run down my face, and Josiah blowed his nose on his bandanna, and I +believe furtively wiped his eyes. But men never love to betray such +sentimental emotion, and most immegiately he asked me in a gruff tone +for a fried cake, and I handed him one absently and as one who dreams, +and we went on and met the girls at the rondevoo appointed. + +I'd had my supper and wuz restin' in my room, Molly and Blandina had +gone for a walk accompanied by Billy Huff, and Josiah had gone down to +set with grandpa Huff a spell, when Aunt Tryphena come in and said a +lady wuz there to see me; I asked her who it wuz, and she said: + +"I don't know, but guess it is some 'big bug trash,' 'tennyrate she come +in a antymobile that stands to the door without hitchin'." + +I knowed in a minute it wuz Jane Olive Perkins and told her to bring her +up to my room. And she entered with more than her usual gushin' warmth +of manner, and told me the first thing that I grew better and younger +lookin' every year. + +But I kinder waved the idee off and told her, I didn't feel so young as +I did twenty or thirty years ago. + +I acted well. (But then I spoze I do look remarkable young for one of my +years, and I admired her good horse sense in seein' it so plain.) But +she looked real mauger, and I sez: + +"You look kinder beat out, Jane Olive, hain't you well?" + +Yes, she said she wuz well, but had so many cares that they wore on her. + +"Why," sez I, "you don't try to do your housework alone, do you?" + +No, she said she had ten servants. + +So I knowed she didn't have to do the heaviest of her work, but her face +looked dretful tired and disappinted and I knowed it wuz caused by her +efforts to git into fashionable society, for I'd hearn more about it +since I come here, Miss Huff knowed a woman that lived neighbor to her, +she said that in spite of all Sam Perkinses money and Jane Olive's +efforts she couldn't git so fur into the circle of the first as she +wanted to, though she had done everything a woman could do. + +Went off summers where the first went and winters too. When it wuz +fashionable to go to springs and seasides she went and ocean trips and +south and north, and when it wuz the fashion to go into the quiet +country she come to Jonesville. + +And now she wuz tryin' a new skeem to git into the first, she got up a +name for bein' very charitable. That took her in, or that is part way +in, for her money went jest as fur and wuz jest as welcome to heathens +and such as if it wuzn't made out of pork. It went jest as fur as the +money that wuz handed down from four fathers or even five or six fathers +who wuz small farmers and trappers in Manhattan years and years ago. Her +money went jest as fur as though it had descended onto her from the sale +of the mink skins and cabbages of the grandpas of the 400. + +Well, as I say, this did more than all her other efforts put together, +and took her inside furder, for givin' as much as she did they had to +invite her to set down on the same charitable boards where these genteel +females wuz settin'. And when a passel of wimmen are settin' down on one +board they have to be more sociable and agreeable like, than if they wuz +settin' round on different piles of lumber. + +So Jane Olive wuz highly tickled and gin money freely. And now I don't +want it understood that Jane Olive done every mite of this work and gin +every cent of money for the speech of people or to git on in fashionable +life. No, she wuz kinder good hearted and felt sorry for the afflicted. +Her motives wuz mebby about half and half, half goodness and half +ambition, and that is I spoze a little worse than the average, though +motives will git dretfully mixed up, evil is worse than Canada thistles +to git mixed with good wheat. + +When some good object rises up and our souls burn within us aginst wrong +and injustice and bigotry and such, we may think in our wropped moments +that our motives are all good. But most always some little onworthy +selfish motive will come sneakin' in by some back door of the heart and +wiggle its way along till it sets down right by the side of our highest +whitest motives and stays there onbeknown to us. It is a pity that it is +so, but human nater is human nater and we are all on us queer, queer as +dogs. Once in awhile you'll see some rare soul that seems as if all +onworthy motives have been driv out by the angels of divine Purity and +Endeavor, but they're scurce, scurce as hen's teeth. + +Jane Olive wuz highly tickled with her success, and then, as is the way +of human creeters, when she'd done well she wanted to do better. She +wanted to outdo the other females settin' on the boards with her, she +wanted her board to tip higher than theirn, so she took it into her head +to build a Home for Fallen Wimmen in that end of the city where she +lived. She said that there wuz sights and sights of wimmen that had +fallen round there, and sights that wuz fallin', and I spozed there wuz. +I spozed that anywhere that Sam Perkins lived there would be apt to be, +and she took the idee of buildin' a home for 'em, it wuz a first rate +thought, but in my opinion it didn't go fur enough, it didn't cover the +hull ground. + +Well, Jane Olive had gin of her own money ten thousand dollars and had +raised nine thousand more, twenty thousand would build it, and she wuz +collectin' round even in St. Louis when she met anybody she thought +would give; she knowed how the welfare of humanity, specially female +humanity, lay down on my heart, therefore she tackled me. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +She talked real eloquent about it, and kinder begun to shed tears. She's +a capital hand to git money, she could always cry when she wanted to +when she went to school, did it by holdin' her breath or sunthin'. + +And when I say that I don't want it understood that I believe she did +all her cryin' that way. No, I spoze she could draw on her imagination +and feelin's to that extent and git 'em so rousted up that she did +actually shed tears, wet tears jest like anybody, some of the time, and +some she made, so I spoze. + +Well, when she begun to cry I looked keen at her and sez, how much she +made me think of herself when we went to school together. And she +stopped sheddin' tears to once and acted more natural and went on to +tell about her skeem. She said female vice wuz stalkin' round fearful, +fallen wimmen appeared on the streets with shockin' frequency, sunthin' +must be done for these lost souls or their blood would be on our dress +skirts. + +She told me how much she'd gin to this object and how much ministers had +gin and how they wuz all goin' to preach sermons about these poor lost +wimmen and try to wake the public up to the fact of the enormity of +their sins and the burnin' need of such an institution. + +She talked powerful about it, and I sez: "Jane Olive, I've gin a good +deal of thought to this subject, and I think this house of yourn is a +good idee, but to my mind it don't cover the hull ground. Now I will +give five dollars for the Home for Fallen Wimmen and the other five for +the Home for Fallen Men." + +Sez she, and she screamed the words right out: "There hain't any such +institution in the hull city!" + +"Why, there must be!" sez I. "It hain't reasonable that there shouldn't +be. Why, if a man and a woman go along over a bridge together, and both +fall through, and are maimed and broke to pieces, they are carried to a +male and female hospital to be mended up. Or if they fall through a +sidewalk or anywhere else they have to both be doctored up and have the +same splints on and rubbed with the same anarky, etc." + +"That's very different," sez Jane Olive. + +"Why different?" sez I. "If they both fall morally their morals ort to +be mended up agin both on 'em. The woman ort to be carried to the Home +for Fallen Wimmen, the Home for Magdalenes, and the men to the Home for +Fallen Men, the Home for Mikels." + +"There hain't no such place!" sez Jane Olive agin decidedly. + +Sez I, "Did you ever inquire?" + +"No," sez she, "I wouldn't make a fool of myself by inquirin' for such a +thing as that, Home for Mikels! I don't know what you mean by that +anyway." + +"Why," sez I, "fallen men angels. You know Mikel wuz a angel once and he +fell." + +"Well, there is no such place," sez she, tossin' her head a little. + +"Well," sez I, "you ort to know, you're from the city and I hain't; but +I know that if there hain't such a place it's a wicked thing. Just look +at them poor fallen men that are walkin' the streets night after night, +poor creeters goin' right down to ruin and nobody trying to lead 'em up +agin to the way of safety and virtue--poor fallen, ruined men! I feel to +pity 'em." + +Sez Jane Olive, "Oh, shaw! they don't feel ruined, they're all right, +I'll resk them." + +"How do you know how they feel? Take a tender hearted, innocent man, +that some bad, designin' woman has led astray, led him on till she has +betrayed and ruined him, and he feels that the screen door of society is +shet aginst him----" + +"Oh, shaw!" sez Jane Olive agin. "The door of society hain't shet aginst +the man, it never is." + +"Then," sez I, "there is sunthin' wrong with the door and it ort to be +tended to." + +Sez she, "Things are winked at in a bad man that hain't in a bad woman." + +"Not by me," sez I firmly. "The man won't git a wink out of me more or +less than I would give to the woman." + +"It don't hurt a man," sez Jane Olive. "And," sez she, "no self +respectin' man goes to any place that hain't licensed and respectable." + +"If such houses are respectable," sez I, "and the law makes 'em so, why +hain't the wimmen called so that keep 'em? Why hain't the wimmen looked +up to that work there?" + +Sez Jane Olive, "You don't talk no good sense at all." + +Sez I, "Jane Olive, I am spozin'. Mark you well, I don't say they are +respectable; I say they are the depths of infamy. But I am talkin' from +the standpoint of legislators and highest officials, and if they call +'em respectable, and throw the mantilly of law and order over 'em it is +only justice to let the mantilly spread out, so it will cover the males +and females too. Agin I quote the words of the poet to you, 'what is +sass for the goose ort to be sass for the gander.'" + +Says she, "Such things are looked on so different in a man, they can +hold their heads up jest as high as they did before." + +"Not if I had my way," sez I. "If the female is dragged off to the Home +for Fallen Wimmen let the same team come back and haul the men off to +the Home for Fallen Men, tie 'em up with the same rope, preach to 'em +from the same text, let 'em out when they've both repented and want to +do better. That's my scheme," sez I. + +"Oh, shaw!" sez Jane Olive, "it wouldn't work." + +"Why not?" sez I. "I'll bet if that course wuz took for the next five +years with fallen men you wouldn't have to raise so much money for +fallen wimmen; I'll bet it would ameliorate their condition more than +anything else would." + +"It don't hurt a man," sez Jane Olive agin. + +"Why don't it hurt 'em?" sez I. "If it makes a woman so bad the hull +world calls her ruined and lost, and prints her name out in the daily +papers, as they always do, givin' her full name and address and sayin' +some wild young man (but nameless) of respectable family was implicated, +and talks of her as if Heaven wuz shet aginst her, and she has got to +pray and repent in sack-cloth and ashes all the rest of her days, and +never, never git her old place back in the eyes of the community, it +hain't reasonable to spoze it don't hurt a man a mite to fall at the +same time and in the same way. There is no sense in it, and I'll bet if +you hunt round in your city you'll find where fallen men are kep' hid +away till they can repent and reform. + +"Why," sez I, "men's hearts and souls and morals are made out of exactly +the same stuff that wimmens be. And as I said before, let a man and a +woman fall out of a high winder together it smashes him jest as bad as +it duz her. They have to be carried off to hospitals jest the same, the +same doctor tends 'em, the same medicine has to be administered to 'em +and they have to come back slowly to health agin. It takes the same +length of time to lose the marks of the woonds and bruises, and they +have to hobble round on the same kind of crutches. And why under the +sun, moon and stars there is any difference in the woonds on their souls +and morals I can't see, nor I don't believe you can." + +Agin she snorted and acted real high headed, and sez she, "There hain't +no such a Home as that you're talkin' about, and never wuz." + +"Well," sez I, "then it is high time there wuz." And I went on real +eloquent, "Poor fallen men have been neglected too long and their ruin +will lay on our doorsteps if we don't do sunthin' to help 'em; I won't +give a cent to help fallen wimmen, who have had ten times as much +preachin' to 'em and as much done for 'em, till justice has been done to +fallen men. Poor mizable creeters! They'll find out they've got one +friend that will stand by 'em if they've never had a mite of pity or +help or encouragement held out to 'em before in the world. It is high +time sunthin' wuz done for 'em; and when you who live right in the midst +of fallen men come here and say you've started a home for 'em, where +there will be preachin' to 'em, and encouragement gin 'em to repent and +reform, when you've come and told me you've started this job I'll give, +and give liberal." + +She sot kinder demute for a minute, and I went right on, and sez I, "I'd +have a immense big house built if I had my way so's to accommodate 'em +if I could git a house big enough. And I would set 'em there in immense +rows and let 'em meditate on their sins a spell and I'd have good likely +preachers of both sects go and preach to 'em about fallen men and fallen +wimmen, and how they could git up agin with God's help if they tried +hard enough to. And I'd have pictures hung on the wall of Mikel and +Magdaline and them old fallen men castin' stuns at fallen wimmen and +what the Lord said about it. And then to kinder encourage 'em and show +'em to what they might rise up to, if they repented and reformed, I +would have pictures of some likely he angels flyin' round up in a purer +air and----" + +I wuz almost carried away and by the side of myself with this beautiful +and inspirin' picture I'd cunjered up in my heated brain, when she broke +in all wrought up with excitement and horrow with a new thought that had +dawned on her: + +"Why," sez she, "if you did that, if you shet up such men there wouldn't +be a man left outside." And she sort o' screamed out, "Where would I git +a coachman to drive for me or a butler?" + +"Drive yourself," sez I sternly, "and buttle too; if that is so, but I +don't believe it." + +But she still looked most wild with excitement and horrow, and agin she +sez, "It would take away every man in the world! and what would we do +for men?" sez she. + +"Do!" sez I, all wrought up, "Do without 'em if that is the case, though +I don't believe it; but if it is so it's high time we begun fresh, +educate and bring up men babys in the right way, and begin agin; start a +new world with 'em, jest as you'd start a new kind of gooseberry or +anything. But I don't believe a word on't, not a word. I believe there +are good men in the world, lots and lots of 'em." + +"I know there hain't," sez she. + +And I sez, "I know there is." + +And we disputed back and forth several times but didn't convince each +other. You can see jest how it wuz, it wuz the example of our own +companions that wuz influencin' us in our opinions. She havin' lived +with a perfect sardeen and he-wretch, thought all men wuz like him, I +nerved up by the thought of my noble-minded (though small) companion +held my faith firm as a iron anchor that the world wuz full of good men, +scattered here and there like good wheat among the tares, and I felt and +knowed that the tearers wuz fur scurser than the wheat. + +But Jane Olive riz up and kinder let her train flop out over the floor, +she'd held it up as she come in. + +I bid her a cordial good-by and told her to come and see me in +Jonesville, but she acted kinder cold and hauty and I hain't much hopes +that she will foller my advice. + +Josiah came in pretty soon, and when I told him about it he acted real +huffy and agreed with Jane Olive, and resented the idee of a Home for +Fallen Men. Blandina, who come while we wuz talkin' about it to borry a +few needlefuls of white thread, she shed tears and said she wouldn't +mortify men by namin' a home like that for thousands of worlds like +this. + +And Josiah acted puggicky all the evenin'. But I knowed I wuz in the +right on't. Truly the path of duty is a thorny one anon or oftener. + +We went into the Fair the next mornin' by what they call the Skinker +Entrance, and we hadn't hardly got in when Josiah sez to me, pintin' to +a small low house, "What do you spoze they show there, Samantha? It must +be pretty poor if they can't afford shingles or a tar ruff." + +And sure enough the ruff wuz covered with straw. It wuz a low buildin' +built of sunthin' that looked like stun. But come to find out it wuz the +cottage of Robert Burns, and I hastened my steps, Josiah and Blandina +follerin' on. + +For low as that buildin' is, lookin' like a ant hill almost by the side +of the high red granite administration buildin', that little cabin holds +memories that soar up higher than the peakedest, highest ruffs on the +Fair ground. The Home of Robert Burns, the Poet of the People. How his +inimitable poetry come troopin' through my mind as I walked through the +low rooms, there is only four on 'em, kitchen, settin' room, store room +and stables. + +I didn't approve of havin' the stables so nigh the livin' rooms, and +should have advised Robert's wife to stood her ground and not had it. +But I wuzn't there, and she gin in probable, and mebby she wanted it so, +it wuz handy, you could open the door and milk into your coffee cup if +so inclined. The bed is built in the kitchen wall; I spoze they couldn't +afford anything better, and 'tennyrate that humble bed pillowed the form +that will walk down the ages crowned with honor and lovin' memories, +while many monarchs who at that time rested on carved rose-wood have +sunk into oblivion. + +The people are not goin' to forgit their poet. He who taught that no +matter what the rank, a man wuz a man "for a' that." Who sung and +dignified the humble pleasures of the poor. "The Cotter's Saturday +Night" will be remembered when many a scientific tome and eloquent poem +writ in long words is dust and ashes. And the scathing irony and wit +satirizing the ignorant rich, the scorn of meanness and bigotry, the +love of liberty and justice the melting tenderness of his love poems, +the People he loved and wrote for, will not forget. + +The big open fireplace might have been the one immortalized in his +poetry. There wuz a high clock like the one that told him the hours, +anxious hours, weary hours, happy hours, hours radiant with the poet's +inspiration. Despairin' hours full of anxiety and dread for the wife and +children he loved. It told the hours of day and night too, for Robert +did love what he called a good time, and I presoom Bonnie Jean read the +face of that old clock with anxiety and weariness writ in her own face +when the small hours struck and her Robbie wuz away with gay companions. + +And with what despairin' grief did she read its calm old face while her +poet writ this sad truth: + +"I'm wearin' awa' to the Land o' the Leal." + +And there wuz a cupboard with blue and white dishes and a sugar bowl +that he and Bonnie Jean had used. Oh, warm fingers, tired fingers! how +long you've been dust, and the little piece of metal still endures. Oh, +my soul! the wonder and the pity on't. + +There are chairs, tables, spinning wheel, etc., similar to those that +were in the Burns cottage. But there is a reel that wuz used by Bonnie +Jean herself, I took holt on't tryin' to bring to my mind what emotions +she had time and agin as she reeled her threads on and off, love, +anxiety, ambition, fear, hopes and sorrows; how they twined and ontwined +in her faithful breast as the reel turned, emotions stilled long ago, +long ago. + +And there wuz the very griddle and toaster with which Bonnie Jean +toasted the bread for her Robbie. Many and many a time her heart, I +presoom to say seemin' to git seared in the burnin' fires of jealousy +whilst the bread wuz toastin'. For Robert wuz a man of many fancies, and +though a wife through pride or affection may seem blind to such things, +yet burns will smart and "jealousy is as cruel as the grave." + +But many a time also whilst she toasted her bread her heart would bound +with joy and pride thinkin' of some triumph the man she loved had won, +or rememberin' some words of love and appreciation he had whispered in +her ear, which made the dark world over in a minute into a bright one, +for wimmen's hearts beat the same in Ayr or Jonesville, and Bonnie Jean +wuz proud of her poet lover and loved him. And he loved her the biggest +heft of the time, and mebby all the time; men are queer in such things +and their ways past findin' out. + +'Tennyrate my heart bent in homage to his genius and his bravely borne +poverty and sufferin'. And I wished, oh, how I wished that some of the +pride and honor showered on him now the world over could have brightened +his hard life when it wuz needed. But it wuzn't to be, I wuzn't there to +advise folks, or to cheer him and Jean up by my warm appreciation and +good vittles. And I reluctantly tore myself away from the memory-hanted +spot. + +Molly wuz dretful interested here too, but naterally wanted to ride in +the Intremoral railway and see all she could, it bein' her first visit. +So as I had spoke of wantin' to see the air-ships we went there next and +then to the Philippines. + +Sister Sylvester Bobbett laughed when I told her that probable Josiah +and I would go to the next Exposition through the air. + +Sez she, "You might jest as well talk about goin' through the ground." + +But I wuz glad to see that other folks realized the importance of the +subject, for they have given as much space to air navigation as for all +the other modes of transportation put together. The buildin' covers +about fourteen acres--I wonder what Sister Bobbett would say to that, +the walls are thirty feet high, the lower twelve feet, air tight, the +upper eighteen feet lattice work. + +Part on't is a sort of a harbor for their air-ships to light in. They +say they need a still harbor away from boisterous winds jest as much as +water ships do. This is the first Air-Ship harbor ever built. Josiah +said it wuz the humbliest buildin' on the Fair ground, and it wuzn't a +beauty so fur as architecture goes. + +But I sez, "Handsome is as handsome duz! I don't spoze," sez I, "that +Noah's Ark wuz a beauty, but he started a new world with it, and I +believe this buildin' holds the great hope and promise of the future in +the way of transportation, and it looks good to me." + +It stands between Physical Culture Hall and the Hall of Lady Managers. I +wuz glad it wuz where wimmen could keep an eye on 'em and keep 'em from +bein' run on. In one corner on't is two stalls, jest as they have horse +stalls in barns, but these stalls are one hundred and eighty feet long +and forty feet wide. There wuz most ninety entries for the contest. If +they make a speed of twenty milds an hour they git a prize of one +hundred thousand. I would like to know what Sister Bobbett would think +of that. + +Josiah said he believed they wuz dangerous, but the head of this company +told me with his own mouth that he had traveled over fifteen States in +air-ships and had never been hurt or even skairt, and I told Josiah that +wuz more than he could say of our wheel-barrow that had never been out +of Jonesville. Josiah went out one dark night to shet the barn door and +fell over it, and it rared up on him and throwed him; he wuz skairt to +death thinkin' it wuz a burglar who wuz tryin' to fight him. + +I had to take the lantern and go out and rescue him, and I hain't goin' +to tell how he kicked that wheel-barrow when he re_cog_nized it, and the +language he hurled at it. It wuz onbecomin' a deacon, and I told him so. + +Next to the Hall of Electricity, the great onseen Wizard that sways the +world, this Hall of Air-Ships wuz interestin' to me, for it is the +transportation of the future. Baby eyes blinkin' now at the canopys of +their cribs will look up and see the blue sky above 'em cleft by the +white wings of great ships of the air sailin' to and fro with no +treacherous rocks to dash aginst, no forests to subdue or mountains to +tunnel, no roads to break, to and fro, back and forth shining white +aginst the crimson sunset, aginst the rosy dawn, and the cloudless noon. +Oh, what a sight for the eyes that will behold 'em! I wish I could stand +it till then, but most probable I can't, and I wouldn't want to anyway +if Josiah couldn't be there to see 'em with me; and his health hain't +what it wuz, his liver is bad. But I think sometimes that Josiah and I +may look on and behold this glorious sight from some cloudy terrace of +the Better Country; I'd love to if we could. But 'tennyrate it will be +seen by them that live long enough. + +I took solid comfort and lots and lots of it wandering round seeing +these immense Travelers of the Sky and askin' questions and lookin' +forward towards the glories that is to be. + +Josiah and Blandina didn't enjoy it so much as I did, though Josiah, +always wantin' to embark in some new enterprise, thought he should go up +in one whilst he wuz there. He said he wanted to brag on't to Deacon +Henzy and Deacon Huffer. And I told him that wuzn't the right sperit to +show, it wuzn't the sperit of a true Discoverer tryin' to solve the +problems of the future through love for God and humanity. + +And he said he guessed he knew what he took comfort in and what he +didn't. + +Well, we rid round considerable so's to give Molly a view of the +Cascades and big buildin's, and then we went on to the Philippines. This +is the largest single exhibit at the Fair and covers forty-seven acres +of beautiful woodland and water spaces, and is the largest colonial +display ever made. I told Josiah as we walked towards it, Molly and +Blandina goin' a little ahead, "What wuz the use of travelin' so fur to +see our new possessions?" + +"Yes," sez he; "no use spendin' so much money." + +This wuz to me one of the most interestin' exhibits at the Fair. And I +thought it a first rate idee to show off to the world the almost +limitless wealth as well as the hard problems that face Uncle Sam in his +new possessions, for like a careful pa he will see that they learn how +to take care of themselves before he sets 'em up in independent +housekeepin'. + +We went over a fine bridge, copied from one of their own into the walled +city of Manila. Here in one room you see all of its war exhibits, +immense cannons, the blow guns of the Negritos; axes the Iggorote +head-hunters used to cut off the heads of their enemies. The Moro cris, +the wooden guns and bamboo cannons and home-made powder used in 'em by +the insurgent army with the rough machinery used in makin' it. + +Wanderin' on you see the nita huts of the Visayans, big handsome fellows +they are and pretty refined wimmen, and hear their weird melodies as +they are at work making their beautiful bamboo furniture, and weaving +their handsome blankets, etc. + +You see on the hillside the huts of the Negritos, black little creeters. +Then you see the Iggrotes, a real village, some of the housen brought +from their own land and the rest built here by them from their own +materials. It is jest as though you stepped over to the mountains of +Luzon and see 'em at their simple housekeepin'. + +I whispered anxiously to Josiah to keep clost watch of his own head, for +though they promised to not pursue their favorite pastime till they got +back home agin, yet I didn't know what might happen, though I felt he +wuzn't in so much danger, his bald head bein' so slippery and nothin' to +lay holt on, still I kep' a clost watch on that dear head all the while +we wuz there. + +Josiah didn't sense his own danger, but whispered, "I'm glad enough +Bruno is to home." They will eat dogs and dance their war dances, but I +spoze I couldn't hender 'em, so didn't try to advise 'em. Some on 'em +didn't have clothes enough on to be decent unless you call the tatooin' +on their naked bodies, clothes. I see Josiah looked at 'em with +interest, and he wondered if common ink and diamond dyes could be used, +and if Ury could handle 'em. + +And I hurried him on to the encampment of the Moros. Here we see the men +and wimmen dressed in silk and satin, but cut after patterns I would +never let Josiah wear or wear myself. Some of these Moro girls are quite +handsome in their bright striped mantillys, their long hair hanging down +under their gay turbans. One of these villages is on land and one built +on bamboo poles over the water. Jest open sheds covered with nipa +leaves. Anyone with rumatiz couldn't stand it in 'em. + +But what took Josiah most of all wuz the tree dwellers, their houses are +built up in the highest trees they can find, and they git to 'em by +ladders they pull up after 'em; as he looked on 'em I see in Josiah's +reminescent eye dreams of summer housen in our ellums and maples, and I +hurried him on. Blandina said she could be perfectly happy up there with +a congenial companion, and I knowed she wuz thinkin' of Aspire Todd; but +she never could git him up there, for his tongue is the strongest part +on him. + +We all admired the Native Scouts; they live in a little village of tents +in a beautiful piece of woodland. There are four companies, Visayan, +Tagalog, Maccabebe and Ilicano. Their band of music, and the band of +eighty pieces of the native constabulary are called the finest at the +Exposition. When they march they all seem to be one body; so smooth and +even are their movements, they are called the most perfectly drilled +soldiers in the country. + +Jest think on't, if they show off so now what will they do at the next +Exposition. There are ten large buildings containing their enormous +display of art and science, education, agriculture, horticulture, +manufactures, commerce, etc. Some of the statutes and pictures are +beautiful; you couldn't tell some of 'em from them brought from abroad. +But folks don't seem to realize that some of the Filippinos are as +refined and cultured as if they come from the middle of Boston. + +Their forestry exhibit is the finest ever brought to any Exposition and +contains everything relating to the fifty million acres of Philippine +forests, splendid timber, over fifteen hundred different kinds of wood, +rattans, gutta percha, dye stuffs, trees yielding oil, gums, rosin, etc. +The mineral exhibit shows how rich these islands are in gold, copper, +coal and other minerals. In agriculture you see the great display of +fibres, Manila hemp which brought 'em over twenty-two millions last +year, ropes made from bamboo, cocoa-nut, rattan. Sugar, tobacco, coffee, +hats, baskets and other articles made from palm leaves, bamboo, rattan +and nito, colored by their own native dyes. In the flower display are +the most rare and exquisite orchids growing jest as common there as +weeds along the Jonesville road. One interestin' display wuz a map built +out doors showin' more than 2,000 islands, their shape and comparitive +size. + +But most of all I wuz interested in the educational exhibit. So anxious +have they been to learn night schools have had to be established. The +big normal school building in Manila is handsome enough for any American +city, and the smaller district and industrial schools are doing jest as +good work. Our Government sent five hundred and forty teachers there in +1901, and now we have about seven hundred there. I took comfort in +seein' the great work they have done, as well as the church and private +schools, and how well they're learning and getting along. + +Anyone could spend five weeks at least jest at the Philippine display, +and find abundance to interest 'em all the time in the educational, art, +manufacturing, horticultural, agricultural and other displays, but we +hadn't no five weeks to spend, so we had to move on, but I felt proud +enough to see what my revered Uncle Sam had done and wuz doing. + +Truly he took a big job on his hands to take care of such an immense +family, and differin' so widely in cultivation, temperament and clothes, +to lead the ignorant ones into civilization and keep peace in the family +and among his own folks. + +He'll have as hard work to do it as that widower I hearn on who had +three or four children of his own, and married a widow who also had a +number, and then they had several, and one day she came callin' to her +husband, "Come quick! come quick! Your children and my children are +fightin' with our children." + +But Uncle Sam will be on hand, he'll wade right in with a birch gad or a +spellin' book, jest which he thinks they need most at the time, and +settle the differences all right, and I believe it will be a star in his +crown in time to come: turning the savages and cannibals that inhabit +part of these new possessions into good American citizens. + +I don't spoze I shall see the day when this shall fully come to pass, +and mebby the babies of to-day will be great-grandpas before it takes +place, but it will be, I believe, and so duz Josiah. + +Yes, he's doin' a good job by his step-children, I guess they would be +called that seein' he stepped in when they wuz poor and oppressed and +took 'em under his care. + +I honor him for it, but wish he would do as well by his steal children, +the dark complexioned ones stole away from their own land to be slaves +and drudges for his white children. + +He'll mebby tell me they wuz ignorant and degraded and wuz better off +here than in their own land, but I'll say back to him, "Samuel, Josiah +and I would probable be in a better house and more high-toned society if +some king or other should steal us and carry us away from our humble +farm to their palace. But do you spoze we would enjoy ourselves as well? +No indeed!" + +And 'tennyrate they're here, the problem that lays so heavy on the +Southern and Northern heart and conscience and the riddle gits harder +and harder to solve. The lurid blaze of livin' torches makes bloody +blindness in the eyes of them that look on and light them fires. The +disgraceful glare flames out, shamin' you in the eyes of the world, and +streams up to the pityin' heavens askin' for justice. + +Mebby you'll tell me you don't see how you can help it, but Samuel, you +must try, for though there are here and there oasises in the gloom +lighted up by education and inteligence still there remains the great +multitude of your steel children that you ort to help, you ort to do as +well by them settin' in long rows right on your very doorstep as you're +doin' for them six thousand milds off. Sinners must be punished by law, +else what is law made for? Order must be kep', the helpless protected, +but you know, Samuel, that if some of the disgraceful seens that are +bein' enacted here right under your dear old nose took place amongst +your adopted Philippine children or even amongst your protejays in +Turkey or China you would send out a warship to once. I am sorry for +you, Samuel, and think the world on you, but faithful are the woonds of +a friend; you must hear the truth once in awhile or who knows what would +become on you, you might puff up with proud flesh and have to have an +operation, and I guess you will anyway before you git through with this +problem. + +I presoom you want me to advise you what to do, only bein' a man you +hain't really wanted to come out and ask me. Josiah acts jest like that +lots of times. + +So I'll say to you, I honor you, Samuel, for what you're doin' for these +foreign children, but I want you to do jest as much to home. I want you +to send teachers and found schools at your own expense; you're four +handed and able to do it. And Id'no but you had better buy land in their +own home you stole them from, buy a small farm for each one that wants +to go. Travelers say that in the Valley of the Nile, a country with +similar climate and soil to the south land where they wuz born, is an +unoccupied place big enough for each one to have a small farm of their +own. I want you, Samuel, to buy this land for 'em, take 'em back there +at your own expense, all that want to go. There are plenty of the young +and enterprising who would go full of the hope of foundin' a new +republic for their own race, where they can expand and grow strong away +from parlyzing influence of racial and social hatred. + +There would be lots of 'em who wouldn't want to go, and why can't you, +Samuel, I'd say, buy them a little home here, for instance, on the vast +unoccupied area of Florida? Let 'em have the hull state if necessary; +let each family have their little piece of land, and then make 'em work +it; send teachers, found schools, teach 'em to be self sustaining and +self respecting. + +Samuel would probable sass me back and say, You can't teach a nigger to +respect himself and stand upright. + +And I'd say, "'Tain't so, Sam, but if it wuz, centuries have been spent +by the white race in teachin' this people to be dependent and helpless, +to not think for themselves, to lean entirely on the judgment and +justice of the white people (weak reeds to lean on anon or oftener)." + +And then I'd say, "Samuel, you did a foolish thing after the Civil war, +you did it with the best of motives, and you needn't be skairt, I hain't +goin' to scold you for it, but it wuz jest like turnin' a company of +babies out into the world and tellin' 'em they wuz jest as tall and +inteligent as their pas and mas and they must go on and take care of +themselves, and with their utter lack of all knowledge and strength take +an equal part in public affairs. How could these babies do it, Samuel, I +would say. But you wuz gropin' along most blind in them dark days, and +you did the best you knowed how to then. But when you see you've made a +mis-step you must draw your foot back and start off agin jest like a +elephant crossin' a weak bridge, I've seen 'em go down into the water +and wade ruther than resk it. You may have to wade through deep waters +to fix it all right, but that would be better than to fall through a +weak bridge and break your neck. + +"It is because I think so much on you, Samuel, that I talk so plain to +you, for I don't want you to git the name Miss Eben Simmons got. She +jest spent her hull mind and income on foreign missions and let her own +children go so dirty and ragged they wuz a disgrace to Jonesville. I +want you and Miss Simmons to not scrimp in your foreign charities but +begin to home and make your own dependent ones comfortable." + +I presume I could convince him if I had time enough, but we are busy +creeters, Samuel and I, both on us, and Id'no as he'd have time to argy +back and forth with me, but it would be well for him if he did, men must +have wimmen advise 'em if they ever expect to amount to anything. + +But to resoom forwards. These thoughts wuz runnin' through my head as we +wended our way around, it did my soul good, as I said, to see the +progress these Filipinos are makin', and to meditate on the fact how +enterprisin' Uncle Samuel is when he sets out. Why jest think on't, he's +taught them Filipinos more English in four years than the Spaniards +taught 'em their language in the four hundred years they took care on +'em. + +I wuz so proud and happy as I thought on't that I stepped considerable +high as I walked along, and I hearn a profane bystander say (wicked +creeter to think on't), + +"That woman has took too much stimulant." + +And Josiah sez, "What ails you, Samantha? You walk as if you wuz +follerin' a band of music." + +And I wuz, it wuz the music of the Future that sounds out in my ears +anon or oftener, sweet inspirin' strains that even Josiah can't hear if +his head lays on the same piller. + +It sings of an ignorant, oppressed race changed into an enlightened +prosperous one, this great work done by our own country, this song comes +floatin' into my ears over the wide Pacific. And another louder strain +comes from nigher by made tender and pathetic by years of oppression and +suppressed suffering that could find expression in no other way than +this heart searching pathos. And blending with it, ringing over and +above it, triumphant happy echoes telling of real freedom of mind and +conscience, the true liberty. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +Well, Blandina wanted to go to the Anthropological Buildin'. She said +Professor Todd had recommended it. I should knowed he would choose that +spot in preference to any other. I hadn't a idee what it meant, but +didn't feel obleeged to tell her so, but spozed it wuz sunthin' hard to +tackle, judgin' from the name, but told her I wuz willin' to go to see +_it_ or _her_ or _him_, not knowin' which it would turn out to be. But +come to find out it wuz everything relatin' to the history of man, and +spozed that wuz one reason why Blandina wuz interested in it. + +It wuz a monstrous big buildin', and in it and outside on't wuz exhibits +from all the different countries of the world, showin' the difference in +the races of mankind, their difference through all the ages, anatomy, +industries, customs, education, different religious rites, games, books +and pictures, maps illustrating mankind and his works, etc., and I could +fill a dozen pages with etcs., and not half exhaust the contents of the +immense buildin'. + +Blandina wuz in her glory here, she wuz studyin' in full magesty the +history of her idol, man. But as I told her, I spozed the term, man, +included woman also. But she looked dubersome, she didn't like the idee +I could see, and Josiah didn't. But I knowed I wuz right, and I guess +Molly thought so too. + +This is the most complete gathering of the world's people and races that +has ever been got together, and includes different types, from the +smallest pigmies from Central Africa to the Patagonian giants. Josiah +wuz delighted to learn of the strength of these pigmies, how they kill +elephants and rhinocerhorses, and sez he, "I tell you, Samantha, it +hain't size that counts, it is most always the smallest men that are the +smartest, looked at Napoleon and me." + +But I whispered to him to keep still, for he wuz attractin' attention, +and I led the way to see the giants. But he looked coldly on 'em, and +sez he: + +"They hain't thought much on, it speaks about their mean statter in the +guide books." + +But I thought to myself how handy it would be to have one on 'em in the +neighborhood to rent out by the day to whitewash overhead or shingle the +barn; they wouldn't even have to git up in a chair, and Id'no but they +could lay a chimbly standin' on the ground; they wuz immense. + +And there wuz displays of the works and habits and native surroundin's +of the lowest types from the beginnin' of the stun age up to the present +finished glory of Jonesville and the world at large. And I wondered +what, what would be the glory showed off a hundred years from now, what +hites would men stand on, sailin' round through the air and comin' from +other planets to the show like as not jest as easy as we come from +Jonesville. And where will Josiah and I be then? That wuz another +thought that hanted me, and what would we be lookin' on? 'Tennyrate I +hope we will be together wherever it is. + +But to resoom. There wuz the skin housen of the Indians from Mexico and +the display of the Ainu tribes from Japan; red negroes from Central +Africa, and all the Indian tribes left in North America, so fast meltin' +away like the leaves of the forest before the march of winter. Basket +makers from California and Arizonia, bead workers, arrow workers, all +carryin' on their work before us and goin' through their ceremonies and +playin' their games. + +And there wuz the tradin' post, with the agent cheatin' the Injuns jest +as nateral as life, so I spoze. Mexico had a wonderful collection, +native books on Maguey paper, amulets of gold, sculpture, carved idols, +remarkable lookin', though I wouldn't worship one on 'em not for a +dollar bill. + +Egypt, where Civilization first started, had to crumple down and send +her best treasures to the fur away West. Oh, how fur, how fur +Civilization has traveled since she left the Lotus land. And she hadn't +better set down yet and fold her hands. She's got a good many jobs +before her that I could pint out to her right here in America. + +And there wuz a hull Egyptian tomb, mummies, ancient pottery, necklaces +and beads took out of old Egyptian tombs. Oh, where wuz the throbbin' +hearts that beat agin them with boundin' life and joy? So much stronger +and greater than the fragile things, yet gone to dust and ashes +centuries ago, while these senseless toys outlive 'em and are brought +thousands of milds to be looked on by a strange race. And there wuz +scarabes, symbols, strange lookin' things as I ever see and piles on +'em. + +And there wuz a display showing how they first started fire, which they +worshipped when first discovered as the Red Flower God, and everything +up to its present development. And so with the earliest attempts at +makin' weapons, blades of bamboo and wood, hammered copper up to the +deadly life destroyers of to-day. + +And in one room wuz the priceless treasures of the Vatican, and a +exquisite collection of the Jubilee presents of the Widder Albert carved +ivory gems, beautifully set jewels, fans, feathers, leather work and +wrought gold, carved ebony, sandal-wood, embroidered silk and velvet +caskets, silver prayer wheel (though she never used it I'll warrant, no +quicker than I would) gold boxes from Africa, Burmah and all her +provinces; gold and velvet harnesses and saddle cloths, chains and +plumes; a chair of state of carved ivory; kneeling cushion in rich +embroidered velvet; elephants' tusks mounted on ebony and on rosewood; +there are thirty cases in all, and as I looked on 'em, lent to this +Exposition by his Gracious Majesty, King Edward VII, jest as willin' as +I'd lend sister Bobbett a drawin' of tea, my feelin's pretty nigh +overpowered me and I almost bust into tears, but knowin' Josiah's state +of nerves I kep' up and restrained myself in a measure. + +But I noticed Blandina wuz beginin' to act restless and looked at her +watch, and finally she said that Professor Todd had promised to meet her +at the Anthropometric Display. + +Sez I, "I should know that of all the places in the world that would be +his chosen rondevoo." + +"Yes," sez she, "he has got such exquisite taste--in dress." + +I don't believe she had a idee what it wuz, I believe she thought from +what she said that it wuz some kind of men's clothes, or scarf pins +mebby. I myself didn't even hazard a inward guess, but made up my mind +to be resigned to the sight whatever it wuz and bear up under it the +best I could. + +But we found out it included all kinds of measures, attitudes and +angles, photographs, moulds, casts and rates of pulsation, measurements +of respiration, tryin' to measure and estimate as well as they can the +different physical values of the different races and people, it wuz a +sight to see it. + +Sure enough Professor Todd wuz there, and I willin'ly resigned her into +his care. He offerin' to see her home after the illumination. I knowed +he wuz to be trusted, and they went off, Blandina lookin' up happy and +adorin', he happy, patronizin' and lookin' down. Both on 'em contented +creeters. He leadin' her a willin' victim to where the biggest named +articles wuz and explainin' 'em to her in words more'n two inches long, +I'll bet, but if anybody is happy that's enough. And though it is +puttin' the wagon considerable ways before the horse, I may as well tell +a conversation I overheard between Professor Todd and Blandina later in +the day. Molly and Josiah wuz interested in lookin' at a display a +little ways off, and I'd sot down for a spell restin' my tired head on +my hand, and closed my eyes, for they too wuz so weary I felt I should +almost be ashamed to face them two gray orbs in the lookin'-glass, for I +knowed I had worked 'em too hard, and no knowin' when they would git any +rest, for it seemed as though the more we see the more there wuz to see. + +And I sot there lost in wistful retrospection of the view from our back +door where there wuz but one object in front of me, and that wuz a plain +barn with no cupolas or minarets, or towers or domes on it. No, jest a +plain barn with a slidin' door enriched and bejeweled when open only by +the form of my beloved pardner. And the only vista visible the grassy +path that led round the hen house to the ash-barrel, and the only +ornamental water, the waterin' trough embellished only by the green moss +on its sides. + +I felt I'd seen too many ornaments, I most knowed I should never hanker +agin for a minaret or a mosque, or a steeple or a crescent, or a wavin' +banner, or gildin', I felt that my heart would never more long and pine +for water to squirt up in the air or drizzle down three or four hundred +feet, nor for statutes or peaks or pillers. No, I almost felt I should +have Dave Yerden saw off the top of the whatnot because it riz up in a +sort of ornamental fashion, and I almost despised the thought of the M. +E. steeple in Jonesville, to such wicked and reckless lengths will +over-weariness lead one. But jest as I wuz rebukin' myself to myself, I +hearn jest on the other side on me the voices of Blandina and Professor +Aspire Todd. He wuz evidently continuing a conversation begun sometime +before. + +"Oh, that lost companion of mine! oh, that beauchious female so +humilitous in her sweet humility, so super-conscious of man's superior +attainments, she seemingly only existed to minister to my corporial +necessities." + +"Well she might, Professor, well she might," sez Blandina. "Any woman of +right feelin' would feel only too blest and honored to do the same." + +"I experienced from the first moment my eyes rested on you," sez the +Professor in solemn axents, "a sensation, or a feeling, as you may say, +that you wuz my affinity, that your soul wuz congenial, and every +transitory period of time that has progressively advanced since then has +but intensified the impression." + +Though I couldn't see her, I could feel Blandina simper. But at that +minute Josiah interrupted the dialogue by askin' where Samantha wuz, and +I come forward and jined 'em. Blandina looked radiantly happy, and I +motioned to Molly and Josiah to come on, I knowed they would rather have +our room than our company. For I remembered I wuz onmarried myself once, +and though my sperit wuz never incarnated in the personality of a +Blandina, yet I had a vivid remembrance of the time when Love first laid +holt on me, and I well remembered the feelin's I felt at the ardent +attentions of a Josiah. + +Professor Todd might not be an object of admiration to me, indeed he wuz +not, fur from it! But one of the last things we learn in life is not to +judge other folks attachments and desires by our own liking, and not to +condemn other people for having fur different ideals than our own. I had +found out that Professor Todd wuz likely and respectable and well off, +and if Blandina had got to git along through life without knowin' much, +she had better git along with a protector and under comfortable +circumstances. So I stood ready to give away the bride at any time, for +to tell the truth I had worried about her future, not knowin' but I had +her on my hands for life. But true to my principles I felt that I would +make no matches nor break none, but would only smooth the path for True +Love to trundle along in. + +Josiah wuz blind as a bat to what I see, and wanted to know, "What +Blandina wuz pokin' round with that fool for?" + +Truly men can't see through a stun wall or a matrimonial movement with +anything like the clearness of a woman. As I wended my way onwards I +felt jest as sure in my mind how it would end as I did two months +afterwards when I see 'em at the altar. + +But to resoom backwards. Josiah, Molly and I wended our way off to +another department of the immense buildin', goin' from one display to +another, and could have stayed a week and seen sunthin' new every +minute. + +I took sights of comfort at the Indian schools. Seein' on one side the +old poor oncivilized way of living, habits and customs; and then to see +what education and culture had done and wuz doing for 'em, what swift +strides they wuz makin' along the road that leads upwards. And to see +'em workin' away right before us at all the industrial trades, to see +inteligence in the eyes that had held savagery, to hear the inteligent +conversation in place of gutteral axents, I wuz highly tickled. + +And I sez to Josiah and Molly, "I hope Uncle Sam will do well by all the +folks he's gardeen over, the Indians, Negroes, Philippinos and all, I +believe he means well by the hull on 'em, but he has so much on his +hands he don't know which way to turn, and I spoze it will be some time +before he gits 'round to do what he wants to for all on 'em, and," sez +I, "they had better in the mean time try to git along and do all they +can for themselves, it will be best for 'em anyway." + +I wuz walkin' along with my Josiah in a quiet part of the grounds, if +any of 'em can be called so, 'tennyrate there wuzn't many round when I +hearn some workmen passin' along say, "There is the President." + +And lookin' round eagerly and anxiously I see a good-lookin' man with +eye glasses settin' on a bench readin' a paper. And I knowed to once +that it wuz our Teddy, so dear to the heart of them that set store by +manliness, fearlessness, bravery, bright badges from Heaven's mint +shinin' on the breast of a man faithful to wife, children and country. +He didn't look exactly like his pictures, but I knowed pictures didn't +always favor their originals, specially in newspapers. I wuz highly +tickled to see him, for I had some errents for him, and wanted to advise +him for his good, and I advanced with outstretched hand and sez "Mr. +President, I am delighted to see you!" + +He shook hands and said polite, "You have the advantage of me, mom." + +"Yes," sez I, "folks see your face in the papers." I mentioned my name +and then went right on to say, "I wanted to tell you the first thing, I +hadn't nothin' to do with that slightin' piece about you you probable +read in the Jonesville Auger. The Nation knew I had writ for it, and for +the Gimlet, and I wuz awful afraid you'd think it wuz me, and be mad at +me, but I'm as innocent as a infant babe. Keturah Snyder writ it, and +she's been through with trials enough to make her bitter but bein' so +mad she sez things she can't prove. Now she thinks you could kep' her +from bein' turned out of the Jonesville post-office and you could keep +the price of meat down. No use arguin' with her, she sez you had it in +your power to squelch some of the Trusts, and didn't do nothin' but +talk. + +"And that Post-Office scandal, she said she spozed you wuz goin' to make +public samples of them stealers, but it all squizzled out, nothin' done +about it, only jest talk. And you remember she said in her piece, 'she +wuz turned out of the post-office for borryin' five cents from the +Government, and bein' backward with another five, ten cents in all, and +them post-office clerks in Washington stealin' hundreds of thousands and +nothin' done.'" Here Theodore tried to say sunthin', and knowin' he wuz +such a fluent talker I wuz bound to git my explanation in before he +begun, for I wouldn't interrupted him for the world after he got to +goin'. + +Sez I, "I wanted you to know jest what reason she had for bein' so mad +and writin' it, for I knowed you wouldn't feel so mortified about it. +The way on't wuz, she wuz in the Office, and hadn't baked that week +owin' to the cat tippin' over her yeast, she's so petickular she won't +use boughten, and a hull load of company driv up onexpected at leven +forty-five. The baker come and not havin' a cent of change by her, and +he refusin' to trust her jest out of meanness, she knowin' she wuz to +have some money paid her in the mornin', jest borrowed five cents from +Uncle Sam. I don't say it wuz right, she'd better made biscuit, but I +say she wuz punished pretty hash for that and two other small things, +for bein' half distracted by her cares, she forgot to cancel three +letters, the first mistake she'd made in the three years she'd been in +office. One wuz a drop letter, so Uncle Sam wuz only out five cents. +Well, you know Theodore, that when trials come, they come as Shakespeare +said, 'Not as single spiders but hull battles on 'em,' or words to that +effect. + +"Right on top of that Baker come the Inspector. He discovered the +deficit of ten cents, and also that other incident, where I got mixed up +in the Jonesville P.O. Scandal. Keturah had to have help in the office +once in awhile, and two men wanted to work for her, Nate Yerden and Sam +Pendergrast. She didn't like Nate, and she did like Sam, and I don't +spoze it made much difference in her feelin's, but Sam kep' sheep and +did gin her yarn for a pair of stockin's, and jest out of pure kindness +I colored it for her in my indigo dye tub. + +"I never thought of committin' any sin, let alone one with such a big +name, Misprision of Treason and Maladministration of Justice, I believe +he called it. Why, for a spell I thought I should have to be shot up, +Josiah wuz skairt to death, and told him he never hearn of such crimes, +and sez he, 'I'll bet you can't find 'em in the Velosipeder.' + +"He meant the Encyclepeder, but poor man he wuz most crazy. I emptied +out my blue dye and don't know as I shall ever set up another. And +Keturah raveled out her stockin's and gin back the yarn, I got off with +the awfulest talkin' to I ever had, and warnin's never, never to trifle +in such a heedless and wicked way with Public Matters and the sacred +rights of the people. But Keturah, poor thing! wuz jest turned right out +of office root and branch. She knowed what high influence duz in +politics, and she got Thomas Jefferson to argy with the Inspector and +tell him jest how it wuz. But he said the dignity of a great Nation wuz +at stake and out she must go. + +"Keturah wep' and cried, and reminded him the yarn wuz gin back and how +small the sum wuz. And he said, 'A straw showed which way the wind +blowed, and the Nation must trust its public servants implicitly, or +where would be the safety of the people.' + +"Then Keturah sassed him and said if a straw showed the direction of the +wind in Jonesville, how wuz it with the dead loads and stacks of straw +in Washington, sez she, they're so heavy with rottenness and corruption +they can't blow. You'll remember that powerful figger of speech in the +article. I told her it would make you mad as a hen and I spoze it did. +And I felt it my duty to molify you and tell you that a honester creeter +never lived than Keturah, and it wuz only these extronnery circumstances +that made her borry the ten cents. And workin' out by the day and eatin' +codfish as she duz, makes her more morbid, kinder salts her blood I +believe, and she lays it to you onjustly, for meat bein' so high that +she can't buy any. + +"Ive told her time and agin it wuzn't your fault. But she sez you might +hold in the Trusts some if you wuz a minter. + +"She sez you had 'em in your power once and could made a sample on 'em +but didn't, and so, sez she, I've got to live on codfish, and the flour +trust is bringin' up flour so Id'no but I'll have to eat saw-dust bread. +You remember them powerful metafors in the Auger. I wanted to explain +all this and I also had some errents of my own." + +He made another effort to speak, but knowin' his remarkable eloquence, +and that I wouldn't try to git a word in after he begun, I should enjoy +his talk so, I kep' on: + +"I want to be open and above board, Theodore, jest as you are nachelly. +And that other piece you remember that come out about the same time in +the Jonesville Gimlet I'll tell you plain that I approved on it, though +I didn't write it. You remember it begun with this quotation: + +"'They enslave their children's children +Who make compromise with sin.' + +"And it went on to talk about our great dignified Nation bein' a pardner +in Saloons, ruinin' men, breakin' wimmen's hearts, starvin' children, +committin' theft, murder, adultery, arson, helpin' on fights, death and +ruin, jest goin' in snux, as you may say with all this for the money got +out of it; it said that though there wuz many great evils to face and +overthrow, there wuz none that brutalized the race and agonized the +hearts of the people like this, and though all sin left its mark, no +other sin changed a man so into the loathsome body and soul wrecks, that +drunkenness did, and all for a little money. + +"It wuz a powerful piece, and as full of facts as a brick is of sand. It +told jest how much money Uncle Sam got out of every drunkard he made. My +memory hain't what it wuz, Theodore, and I can't tell exactly jest how +much money it would be in Uncle Sam's pocket to make your four bright +good boys drunkards, and finish up the job and land 'em in the +drunkard's grave, via the saloon and gutter. But if you stood by and see +it goin' on before your face as so many thousands of proud and lovin' +fathers have to, you would think a million dollars of such blood money +wuz too cheap, yes indeed! + +"That tells the hull story, Theodore, I could throw statistics at you +till you wuz black and blue, about our country spendin' for what is +useless and ruinous to soul, body and estate, one billion four hundred +millions a year, and about the hundred thousand drunkards that stumble +along into the staggerin' slobberin' ranks every year, and drop into the +drunkard's grave. I could eppisode eloquent to you about all this but +what's the use; you're real smart and you know all about it. You've seen +on every side on you the beast drivin' out the angel in man, you've seen +the staggerin' army march by you to ruin. You've seen the saloons spring +up by the thousands on every side, for the purpose of makin' drunkards, +you've seen wives murdered by them that promised to protect 'em, you've +seen children driv to starvation and the streets by it; you've seen +Poverty drive Prosperity out everywhere the curse fell. And you've seen +nothin' good come from it, nothin' at all, only the money that Uncle Sam +takes with one hand, and pays out with the other, for law's machinery to +punish the criminals he makes, and prisons, jails, reformatories, poor +houses, orphan's homes, cheap coffins, etc. + +"No use my tellin' you all this for you know it, but you love your boys, +and I want you to promise me to do by other boys as you'd want me to do +by yourn if I see the Saloon tryin' its best to entice 'em, and see +their bright innocent eyes beginnin' to enjoy the deathly glitter on't. +You'd want me to slam that door to and keep 'em out. Put my shoulder +blade agin it, prop it up with all the strength I could git holt on in +law and gospel, so they couldn't git in. And that's what I want you to +do, Theodore, I want you to help keep out other children jest as dear to +their fathers and mothers as your children are to you. And you know that +you and their mother would ruther see 'em lay dead at your feet, than to +see 'em enter that door with the doom of the place on 'em. + +"It's a heavy door, Theodore, loaded down with greed and lowest +passions, you can't shet it alone, nor I can't, but I would feel guilty +as a dog if I didn't try my very best. Public Opinion backed by Law is +what has got to slam that door to and lock it. But you and I can help, +and you can do more than I can, and I want you to promise me to do all +you can." + +Agin I see he wuz strugglin' for speech, and I hurried to git my last +words in, "I believe you want to do right, and I will encourage you by +tellin' you that Josiah is goin' to vote for you, though we hain't got +nothin' agin Mr. Parker. He's close-mouthed, which is a good quality, +though it can be carried too fur. + +"A neighbor of ourn had warned her girl to not be too familiar with the +hired man, a good Christian he wuz too. And once when her ma wuz gone he +asked her where the milk pail wuz, and she wantin' to be on the safe +side wouldn't say a word. That wuz bein' too cautious, and a good many +think he's been a little too mute about some things, he didn't tell jest +where his politics wuz. But then the tongue is a onruly member and has +to be curbed in, and I guess he means well. And Mr. Davis, too, of +course he's gittin' along in years. But jest think of Methusaler, Mr. +Methusaler's folks would call Mr. Davis nothin' but a child." + +Here he blurted right out, "I hain't Theodore, though I've been took for +him before, I'm President of a Gas Company." + +I wuz mortified for most a minute, but come to think it over I knowed +such seeds of truth as I'd been a scatterin' couldn't help but do good +even if the sile wuzn't so rich as I'd spozed. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Well, the next week we had a busy time, Josiah and Molly and I went +mostly together, Blandina most always meetin' Professor Aspire Todd +somewhere nigh the entrance, I guess it wuz planned, but 'tennyrate I +wuz willin', plan or no plan. + +And we visited every interestin' spot from Morocco to the Model City and +from Physicial Culture Hall to Nevada. + +There wuz a meetin' that scientific folks held there, and its main aim +seemed to be to make light of the religion of Christ. It madded Josiah +dretfully, and he sez, "I feel it my duty as a deacon to go and give in +my testimony and break up such wicked doin's." + +Sez I, "Josiah you let 'em alone. You couldn't break it up, nothin' but +the power of the God they deny could do it. But we'll punish 'em by not +goin' near 'em. That will mortify 'em and mebby make 'em see where they +stand, denyin' the power that gives em the breath they spend in such +folly." So when Sunday come agin we went to the same M.E. meetin' house +and hearn a splendid sermon on what the Christian Religion had done for +the World. And we visited Lincoln's Cabin and I had probable fifty +emotions a minute all the time I wuz there thinkin' of that wise, +child-hearted man and what he did for humanity. + +And I had about the same emotions in Grant's Log Cabin. Noble creeters, +both on 'em! They wuz cramped for room in these humble homes, and wuz +probable put to it for comforts. But they have room enough now, the +Great World claims 'em, and they will walk down the ages together +crowned with the love and reverence of the people. + +And Josiah wanted to see the Boer War, and though a war wuz nothin' I +wanted to see I felt I musn't cross him. And all the while I sot there +seein' them contendin' armies contend I wuz thinkin' of poor Oom Paul +and his brave fight for liberty, and at last losin' all and dyin' +broken-hearted in a strange land. + +But onbeknown to myself these words come to me: + +"The mills of the gods grind slowly +But they grind exceedingly small." + +I can't look ahead and see jest what they're grindin' out for this brave +people and them that conquered 'em, nor Josiah can't. + +And I took solid comfort in the Hall of Lady Managers seein' how well +they managed. In this Exposition there is no seperate place fenced off +for wimmen's exhibit. They carry the idee here that good work is equally +valuable when done by man or woman. They claim that works of art, +invention, manufacture, etc., are as sexless as religion, and you know +our Lord said plain of men and wimmen, "Ye are one in Christ." + +I wuz glad enough to see it, it seems to bring us nigher to the day of +justice and true liberty for all. That glorious day hain't dawned yet +(wimmen are still classed in law with idiots, criminals and lunaticks). +But by standin' on tip-toe I can catch a faint glow in the East showin' +that the day is goin' to break in rosy splendor bime-by. + +I cant begin to tell jest where we went or what we see, enough +'tennyrate I felt to last me through life, but time hurried on jest as +usual and brought the last days of our stay here. + +I told Josiah that I never would go home without seein' President +Francis and thankin' him for the treat he'd gin us. + +Josiah didn't want to go but I sez, "David will expect it of me, it's +only showin' him common politeness. You know I brought the children up +to always thank the folks that entertained 'em. And such a entertainment +as this! Do you spoze I am goin' to slight and mortify him by not +noticin' it and thankin' him? No, indeed!" + +Josiah argyed and said that "he guessed if everybody follered David up +and thanked him he would have his hands full." + +"But," I sez, "Other folks can do as they're a mind to, I shall do my +duty," so I went up to his office follered by a onwillin' Josiah, and +advanced towards him where he sot alone at his desk. + +He's a dretful handsome man, sometimes smart men are humbly, and it is a +treat to find one that combines beauty, smartness, and faculty, for it +took more than smartness alone to plan this show, it took faculty and +tack, sights and sights of tack. For as I told him, after I'd introduced +myself and shook hands cordially with him, sez I: + +"I couldn't leave without thankin' you for the great treat you've gin +us, and to tell you how I appreciate what you've done for us." Sez I, +"I'm a housekeeper and know what it is to fix up for company and how +much work it is to git two or three rooms and the front steps and door +yard all right for half a dozen folks for jest one afternoon, and then +to clear up and ornament as you have more'n twelve hundred acres, and +have so many visitors come right onto you and settle down for a six +months' stay, I don't see how you stand it. + +"Why last winter I had six of the relation on my side and on hisen, +snowbound to our house for a week, and I thought I should go distracted +tryin' to keep the house clean, and suit 'em all in vittles, and some on +'em jealous thinkin' I gin the others a better bed, and the other +relation comin' in to see 'em and kinder disputin' and twittin' 'em as +relation will, and kinder jealous of me because they wuz visitin' me +instead of them, and my folks callin' me extravagant in vittles--I had a +dretful time. And what wuz it compared to what you're goin' through with +fifteen thousand visitors settlin' right down on you for a six months' +visit, some on 'em smart and high headed, some not knowin' putty, some +good-natered and easy to please, some quarrelsome, some awful petickular +and fussy about their vittles, some that will eat dogs, some too dressy, +some that will go most naked, and hundreds of millions comin' and goin' +all the time, and more than thirty millions of your own folks +complainin' and sassin' you as your own folks will. Payin' out fifty +millions and mebby called extravagant for it--why what a time you're +havin'! + +"And I wanted to tell you how I appreciated what you're goin' through, +and thank you from the bottom of my heart for givin' me and Josiah such +a great treat, and also Blandina. + +"And if you ever come to Jonesville I want you to feel free to come +right to our house and stay as long as you can. Though of course I can't +do for you what you've done for me, but I'll kill a hen and make a bag +puddin', and do the best I can." + +He thanked me real polite and said "if he wuz ever in Jonesville he +should certainly come and see me." + +And I sez, "How I do wish it wuz so you could come this fall. We're +goin' to have a big Harvest Entertainment for the benefit of the Grange, +and you do have such a talent for gittin' up sunthin' interestin', your +advice would be onvaluable about ornamentin' the hall and givin' 'em all +a equal show. Of course every mother wants her children to speak the +openin' piece, and every man wants the best place to show off his +squashes and rutabagers. Pomona wants the hall trimmed one way, and +Cerius 'tother way, whilst Flora and Hygea are settin' on the fence. I +d'no how it will turn out and whether or not it will lead to bloodshed. + +"If we only had your faculty and your tack to fall back on what a boon +it would be, for you must have gone through with as much agin with +everybody wantin' the best place. + +"But I know it is too much to ask of you with all this doin's on your +hands, millions of visitors comin' and goin' and thousands of help to +look after, and I shan't say a word to you about it, only wishin' you +could be there to enjoy it with us when it is ready. + +"And now thankin' you agin for all you've done for us I will bid you +adoo." And I shook hands with him almost warmly. + +He seemed glad and relieved about sunthin' as we took leave, I guess it +wuz because I thought so high on him. + +And bein' wunk at by me, Josiah Allen advanced and held out his hand and +said, "how de do," and "good-bye," at the same time, and I sez to kinder +smooth it over, "In this world, Mr. Francis, it is hail and farewell +time and agin." + +And then we bowed ourselves out, I'd told Josiah to be sure and not turn +his back. And we got along first-rate, only onfortinat'ly jest as we got +to the door we backed into the Chinese Minister and his party who wuz +jest comin' in. + +But then, as I told Josiah as we went down the steps when he wuz blamin' +me for this _contrary temps_, as men always will blame their pardners +for most everything, I sez: + +"China is used to bein' backed into by foreigners, I guess they'll +overlook it." + +I didn't bandy words with Josiah, I knowed I'd done my duty and that +kep' me serene. When you're follerin' a star you don't mind the bite of +a nat. + +The last week of our stay in St. Louis Aunt Trypheny on leavin' the Fair +ground one day wuz struck by the twenty-mule team that perambulates the +ground, was knocked down and carried to an emergency hospital on the +Fair ground. The head doctor there wuz Miss Huff's nephew, and she got a +little room for her till she could be moved with safety. + +The day before we went home Josiah went down into the city to do a few +errents for the bretheren, Blandina had gone with Aspire Todd to visit a +sister of hisen (they wuz engaged), and I had been to work gittin' ready +to leave the next mornin', and Molly and I wuz goin' in the afternoon to +take a last look at the Fair, and she come into my room as I wuz gittin' +my bunnet on with her hands full of the most beautiful flowers she could +get, and proposed that we should go and see Aunt Pheeny and cheer her up +a little. + +Sweet creeter, I hadn't thought on't. The hospital wuz quite a distance +off from where we had laid out to go, and I knowed I would be tired as a +dog anyway. But not wantin' to be behind hand in good works I said I +would go with her, and I selected some of the nicest of the fruit I had +bought to take home to the grandchildren, and put in my silk bag for +her, and put on my mantilly and told her I wuz ready. And then that dear +child proposed we should take Dorothy with us, knowin' Aunt Trypheny +would ruther see her than any Emperor or Zar, and I gin my consent to +that, and we sot off, Dotie happy as a Queen at goin' with us. + +Well, Aunt Pheeny wuz glad enough to see us, specially Dorothy. But we +found her blissful in mind anyway for she told us the first thing her +Prince Arthur had been there to see her and had been gone only a few +minutes, and she showed us a couple of gold pieces he had gin her, big +enough to bear witness to his goodness of heart as well as his wealth. +She said with her linement all aglow (she never liked her) that his +mother had died two months ago leaving him a free man, he had stayed +with her and devoted himself to her because he thought it wuz his duty, +and since her death he had been on a long journey, it seemed, she said, +as if he wuz hunting for something or other, though what she didn't +know. And he had promised her that some time in the future she should +come and live with him, and sez she, with her characterestic irreligion, +"If I had my choice to live with him or in heaven I wouldn't look at +heaven." The idee! We give her the fruit and flowers and asked her if +she had everything for her comfort, and she said: + +"Yes, indeed! 'tain't much here like the ironfirmary I wuz sent to in +Chicago. I wuz jest as white as you are, Miss Molly, when I went there, +and them iggorent doctors jest turned my skin black as tar; I wuz so +mortified when I come to my senses and found what they'd done and I wuz +a nigger, I jest leaped out o' bed and rushed right out into the street, +I wuz so mortified. But 'twuzn't no use, I wuz a nigger, and so I've +been ever since." + +And all the time she wuz tellin' this, Dotie's little white arms wuz +'round her neck and she was pattin' the black cheeks. And as she +finished she said lovingly, "Pheeny is nice! Pheeny is pretty! Pheeny +has got white teef!" And indeed they did glisten like ivory in the +blackness of her face as she held the baby clost to her heart with broad +smiles. + +Well, we made quite a long call and cheered her up considerable by +listenin' to some more of her most eloquent and unlikely fabrications, +and then bid her good-bye. A man's gray kid glove lay on the table and a +little book, and she said Prince Arthur had forgot them. + +Well, jest as we passed out of the long corridor, Dotie, who wuz looking +back, cried out, "There is Pheeny's Prince Arthur!" And refused to stir +another step till she went back to see him. She said Aunt Pheeny had +showed her his picture and that wuz the Prince that could do anything. +Aunt Pheeny I spoze had filled her mind full of stories of his +perfections, she said he'd gone back to git his glove and book, and she +would wait and see him. + +I wuz in a hurry and wuz for goin' on, but Molly, sweet-natured thing, +said we might sit down on the bench for a few minutes and then Dotie +would be willing to go. So we sot down and Dotie begun to state with +much excitement her reasons for wanting to stay, sez she: + +"Billy has been bolsting to me that he see a Prince to the Fair, a real +live meat Prince. He wuz bolsting about it, and said Aunt Pheeny didn't +have no Prince, but I see his picture my own self, and I'll let Billy +know that Aunt Pheeny did have a nice live, meat Prince and I see him. +And there he comes now!" sez she, she wuz a little in advance of us and +could see furder. And sure enough we hearn a quick light step coming +down the corridor, it come nigher and nigher, a handsome elegant-looking +young man turned the corner right by us, Molly looked up--and had the +desire of her heart. + + * * * * * + +He left his friend's house and Molly, thinking his duty kept him by his +mother, and he had decided it was wrong to ask a young happy girl to +enter the shadow of selfish invalidism with him. He didn't say jest +that, but I knowed it from what he didn't say as well as from what he +did. The minute he wuz free he had flown to his friends where they had +met. The house wuz closed, the family in Europe, he didn't know where, +he had tried in vain to find her, and wuz jest on the eve of departing +for Europe that afternoon to try to find his friends hoping to get a +clue of her. Had she not gone to the hospital that day, had she come a +little earlier or a little later, had she not humored Dorothy by +waiting, they would not have met. That's what worldlings might say, but +I didn't say it even to myself. She wuz safe, she could not have been +either too early or too late. She had like a little child, asking its pa +for a gift, asked her Lord for the desire of her heart and jest as he +promised, he brought it to pass, usin' that bare corridor jest as he +might the Valley of the Nile, or the Rocky Mountains if necessary. The +hull world is but a tiny doorstep leadin' up to the shinin' pavilion of +divine love. + +They wuz led towards each other, she couldn't miss her way, he couldn't. +The broad ocean rolled between 'em and mountain and valley, but they wuz +both led by the hand like two little children out May-flowering with +their ma--they _had_ to meet. + +Well, Josiah met us, accordin' to promise in front of Festival Hall, and +we stayed to the illumination, Dotie havin' gone home with Miss Huff +before dark. + +Molly and Arthur stood on the high terrace with light fallin' all 'round +'em and before 'em, their faces needin' no light, so bright wuz they +with heart sunshine. Josiah and I sot a little in the shadder, but where +we could see plain. And one by one like brilliant jewels dropped from an +endless storehouse of glory, lights sprung out along the front of the +stately white palaces, adown the broad avenues they shone in gleamin' +lines and clusters, and starred with brilliance all the long glorious +vistas. Broad beams of crimson, gold and azure changin' every minute +fell on the cascades, the flowers gleamed out from the emerald grass +like jewels of every color. + +Music riz softly from the lagoon, the great organ pealed out in +triumphant notes, and my heart boyed up on waves of beauty and melody +follered the strains heavenward as if it didn't ever want to come back +agin to earth and Jonesville. + +But as my eye fell on Josiah's face I knowed that where the star of Love +went it wuz my duty and joy to foller it. He wuz gittin' worrisome and +wanted to go, and so I sez: + +"Beautiful! beautiful! Ivory City, farewell!" + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AT THE ST. 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