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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12205 ***
+
+ODD CRAFT
+
+By W.W. Jacobs
+
+
+
+LAWYER QUINCE
+
+Lawyer Quince, so called by his neighbours in Little Haven from his
+readiness at all times to place at their disposal the legal lore he had
+acquired from a few old books while following his useful occupation of
+making boots, sat in a kind of wooden hutch at the side of his cottage
+plying his trade.  The London coach had gone by in a cloud of dust some
+three hours before, and since then the wide village street had slumbered
+almost undisturbed in the sunshine.
+
+[Illustration: "Lawyer Quince."]
+
+Hearing footsteps and the sound of voices raised in dispute caused him to
+look up from his work.  Mr. Rose, of Holly Farm, Hogg, the miller, and
+one or two neighbours of lesser degree appeared to be in earnest debate
+over some point of unusual difficulty.
+
+Lawyer Quince took a pinch of snuff and bent to his work again.  Mr. Rose
+was one of the very few who openly questioned his legal knowledge, and
+his gibes concerning it were only too frequent.  Moreover, he had a taste
+for practical joking, which to a grave man was sometimes offensive.
+
+"Well, here he be," said Mr. Hogg to the farmer, as the group halted in
+front of the hutch.  "Now ask Lawyer Quince and see whether I ain't told
+you true.  I'm willing to abide by what he says."
+
+Mr. Quince put down his hammer and, brushing a little snuff from his
+coat, leaned back in his chair and eyed them with grave confidence.
+
+"It's like this," said the farmer.  "Young Pascoe has been hanging round
+after my girl Celia, though I told her she wasn't to have nothing to do
+with him.  Half an hour ago I was going to put my pony in its stable when
+I see a young man sitting there waiting."
+
+"Well?"  said Mr. Quince, after a pause.
+
+"He's there yet," said the farmer.  "I locked him in, and Hogg here says
+that I've got the right to keep him locked up there as long as I like.  I
+say it's agin the law, but Hogg he says no.  I say his folks would come
+and try to break open my stable, but Hogg says if they do I can have the
+law of 'em for damaging my property."
+
+"So you can," interposed Mr. Hogg, firmly.  "You see whether Lawyer
+Quince don't say I'm right."
+
+Mr. Quince frowned, and in order to think more deeply closed his eyes.
+Taking advantage of this three of his auditors, with remarkable
+unanimity, each closed one.
+
+"It's your stable," said Mr. Quince, opening his eyes and speaking with
+great deliberation, "and you have a right to lock it up when you like."
+
+"There you are," said Mr. Hogg; "what did I tell you?"
+
+"If anybody's there that's got no business there, that's his look-out,"
+continued Mr. Quince.  "You didn't induce him to go in?"
+
+"Certainly not," replied the farmer.
+
+"I told him he can keep him there as long as he likes," said the jubilant
+Mr. Hogg, "and pass him in bread and water through the winder; it's got
+bars to it."
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Quince, nodding, "he can do that.  As for his folks
+knocking the place about, if you like to tie up one or two of them nasty,
+savage dogs of yours to the stable, well, it's your stable, and you can
+fasten your dogs to it if you like.  And you've generally got a man about
+the yard."
+
+Mr. Hogg smacked his thigh in ecstasy.
+
+"But--" began the farmer.
+
+"That's the law," said the autocratic Mr. Quince, sharply.  "O' course,
+if you think you know more about it than I do, I've nothing more to say."
+
+"I don't want to do nothing I could get into trouble for," murmured Mr.
+Rose.
+
+"You can't get into trouble by doing as I tell you," said the shoemaker,
+impatiently.  "However, to be quite on the safe side, if I was in your
+place I should lose the key."
+
+"Lose the key?"  said the farmer, blankly.
+
+"Lose the key," repeated the shoemaker, his eyes watering with intense
+appreciation of his own resourcefulness.  "You can find it any time you
+want to, you know.  Keep him there till he promises to give up your
+daughter, and tell him that as soon as he does you'll have a hunt for the
+key."
+
+Mr. Rose regarded him with what the shoemaker easily understood to be
+speechless admiration.
+
+"I--I'm glad I came to you," said the farmer, at last.
+
+"You're welcome," said the shoemaker, loftily.  "I'm always ready to give
+advice to them as require it."
+
+"And good advice it is," said the smiling Mr. Hogg.  "Why don't you
+behave yourself, Joe Garnham?"  he demanded, turning fiercely on a
+listener.
+
+Mr. Garnham, whose eyes were watering with emotion, attempted to explain,
+but, becoming hysterical, thrust a huge red handkerchief to his mouth and
+was led away by a friend.  Mr. Quince regarded his departure with mild
+disdain.
+
+"Little things please little minds," he remarked.
+
+"So they do," said Mr. Hogg.  "I never thought--What's the matter with
+you, George Askew?"
+
+Mr. Askew, turning his back on him, threw up his hands with a helpless
+gesture and followed in the wake of Mr. Garnham.  Mr. Hogg appeared to be
+about to apologise, and then suddenly altering his mind made a hasty and
+unceremonious exit, accompanied by the farmer.
+
+Mr. Quince raised his eyebrows and then, after a long and meditative
+pinch of snuff, resumed his work.  The sun went down and the light faded
+slowly; distant voices sounded close on the still evening air, snatches
+of hoarse laughter jarred upon his ears.  It was clear that the story of
+the imprisoned swain was giving pleasure to Little Haven.
+
+He rose at last from his chair and, stretching his long, gaunt frame,
+removed his leather apron, and after a wash at the pump went into the
+house.  Supper was laid, and he gazed with approval on the home-made
+sausage rolls, the piece of cold pork, and the cheese which awaited his
+onslaught.
+
+"We won't wait for Ned," said Mrs. Quince, as she brought in a jug of ale
+and placed it by her husband's elbow.
+
+Mr. Quince nodded and filled his glass.
+
+"You've been giving more advice, I hear," said Mrs. Quince.
+
+Her husband, who was very busy, nodded again.
+
+"It wouldn't make no difference to young Pascoe's chance, anyway," said
+Mrs. Quince, thoughtfully.
+
+Mr. Quince continued his labours.  "Why?"  he inquired, at last.
+
+His wife smiled and tossed her head.
+
+"Young Pascoe's no chance against our Ned," she said, swelling with
+maternal pride.
+
+"Eh?"  said the shoemaker, laying down his knife and fork.  "Our Ned?"
+
+"They are as fond of each other as they can be," said Mrs. Quince,
+"though I don't suppose Farmer Rose'll care for it; not but what our
+Ned's as good as he is."
+
+"Is Ned up there now?"  demanded the shoemaker, turning pale, as the
+mirthful face of Mr. Garnham suddenly occurred to him.
+
+"Sure to be," tittered his wife.  "And to think o' poor young Pascoe shut
+up in that stable while he's courting Celia!"
+
+Mr. Quince took up his knife and fork again, but his appetite had gone.
+Whoever might be paying attention to Miss Rose at that moment he felt
+quite certain that it was not Mr. Ned Quince, and he trembled with anger
+as he saw the absurd situation into which the humorous Mr. Rose had led
+him.  For years Little Haven had accepted his decisions as final and
+boasted of his sharpness to neighbouring hamlets, and many a cottager had
+brought his boots to be mended a whole week before their time for the
+sake of an interview.
+
+He moved his chair from the table and smoked a pipe.  Then he rose, and
+putting a couple of formidable law-books under his arm, walked slowly
+down the road in the direction of Holly Farm.
+
+The road was very quiet and the White Swan, usually full at this hour,
+was almost deserted, but if any doubts as to the identity of the prisoner
+lingered in his mind they were speedily dissipated by the behaviour of
+the few customers who crowded to the door to see him pass.
+
+A hum of voices fell on his ear as he approached the farm; half the male
+and a goodly proportion of the female population of Little Haven were
+leaning against the fence or standing in little knots in the road, while
+a few of higher social status stood in the farm-yard itself.
+
+"Come down to have a look at the prisoner?"  inquired the farmer, who was
+standing surrounded by a little group of admirers.
+
+[Illustration: "'Come down to have a look at the prisoner?' inquired the
+farmer."]
+
+"I came down to see you about that advice I gave you this afternoon,"
+said Mr. Quince.
+
+"Ah!"  said the other.
+
+"I was busy when you came," continued Mr. Quince, in a voice of easy
+unconcern, "and I gave you advice from memory.  Looking up the subject
+after you'd gone I found that I was wrong."
+
+"You don't say so?" said the farmer, uneasily.  "If I've done wrong I'm
+only doing what you told me I could do."
+
+"Mistakes will happen with the best of us," said the shoemaker, loudly,
+for the benefit of one or two murmurers.  "I've known a man to marry a
+woman for her money before now and find out afterward that she hadn't got
+any."
+
+One unit of the group detached itself and wandered listlessly toward the
+gate.
+
+"Well, I hope I ain't done nothing wrong," said Mr. Rose, anxiously.
+"You gave me the advice; there's men here as can prove it.  I don't want
+to do nothing agin the law.  What had I better do?"
+
+"Well, if I was you," said Mr. Quince, concealing his satisfaction with
+difficulty, "I should let him out at once and beg his pardon, and say you
+hope he'll do nothing about it.  I'll put in a word for you if you like
+with old Pascoe."
+
+Mr. Rose coughed and eyed him queerly.
+
+"You're a Briton," he said, warmly.  "I'll go and let him out at once."
+
+He strode off to the stable, despite the protests of Mr. Hogg, and,
+standing by the door, appeared to be deep in thought; then he came back
+slowly, feeling in his pockets as he walked.
+
+"William," he said, turning toward Mr. Hogg, "I s'pose you didn't happen
+to notice where I put that key?"
+
+"That I didn't," said Mr. Hogg, his face clearing suddenly.
+
+"I had it in my hand not half an hour ago," said the agitated Mr. Rose,
+thrusting one hand into his trouser-pocket and groping.  "It can't be
+far."
+
+Mr. Quince attempted to speak, and, failing, blew his nose violently.
+
+"My memory ain't what it used to be," said the farmer.  "Howsomever, I
+dare say it'll turn up in a day or two."
+
+"You--you'd better force the door," suggested Mr. Quince, struggling to
+preserve an air of judicial calm.
+
+"No, no," said Mr. Rose; "I ain't going to damage my property like that.
+I can lock my stable-door and unlock it when I like; if people get in
+there as have no business there, it's their look-out."
+
+"That's law," said Mr. Hogg; "I'll eat my hat if it ain't."
+
+"Do you mean to tell me you've really lost the key?" demanded Mr. Quince,
+eyeing the farmer sternly.
+
+"Seems like it," said Mr. Rose.  "However, he won't come to no hurt.
+I'll put in some bread and water for him, same as you advised me to."
+
+Mr. Quince mastered his wrath by an effort, and with no sign of
+discomposure moved away without making any reference to the identity of
+the unfortunate in the stable."
+
+"Good-night," said the farmer, "and thank you for coming and giving me
+the fresh advice.  It ain't everybody that 'ud ha' taken the trouble.
+If I hadn't lost that key----"
+
+The shoemaker scowled, and with the two fat books under his arm passed
+the listening neighbours with the air of a thoughtful man out for an
+evening stroll.  Once inside his house, however, his manner changed, the
+attitude of Mrs. Quince demanding, at any rate, a show of concern.
+
+"It's no good talking," he said at last.  "Ned shouldn't have gone there,
+and as for going to law about it, I sha'n't do any such thing; I should
+never hear the end of it.  I shall just go on as usual, as if nothing had
+happened, and when Rose is tired of keeping him there he must let him
+out.  I'll bide my time."
+
+Mrs. Quince subsided into vague mutterings as to what she would do if she
+were a man, coupled with sundry aspersions upon the character, looks, and
+family connections of Farmer Rose, which somewhat consoled her for being
+what she was.
+
+"He has always made jokes about your advice," she said at length, "and
+now everybody'll think he's right.  I sha'n't be able to look anybody in
+the face.  I should have seen through it at once if it had been me.  I'm
+going down to give him a bit o' my mind."
+
+"You stay where you are," said Mr. Quince, sharply, "and, mind, you are
+not to talk about it to anybody.  Farmer Rose 'ud like nothing better
+than to see us upset about it.  I ain't done with him yet.  You wait."
+
+Mrs. Quince, having no option, waited, but nothing happened.  The
+following day found Ned Quince still a prisoner, and, considering the
+circumstances, remarkably cheerful.  He declined point-blank to renounce
+his preposterous attentions, and said that, living on the premises, he
+felt half like a son-in-law already.  He also complimented the farmer
+upon the quality of his bread.
+
+The next morning found him still unsubdued, and, under interrogation from
+the farmer, he admitted that he liked it, and said that the feeling of
+being at home was growing upon him.
+
+"If you're satisfied, I am," said Mr. Rose, grimly.  "I'll keep you here
+till you promise; mind that."
+
+"It's a nobleman's life," said Ned, peeping through the window, "and I'm
+beginning to like you as much as my real father."
+
+"I don't want none o' yer impudence," said the farmer, reddening.
+
+[Illustration: "'None o' yer impudence,' said the farmer."]
+
+"You'll like me better when you've had me here a little longer," said
+Ned; "I shall grow on you.  Why not be reasonable and make up your mind
+to it?  Celia and I have."
+
+"I'm going to send Celia away on Saturday," said Mr. Rose; "make yourself
+happy and comfortable in here till then.  If you'd like another crust o'
+bread or an extra half pint o' water you've only got to mention it.  When
+she's gone I'll have a hunt for that key, so as you can go back to your
+father and help him to understand his law-books better."
+
+He strode off with the air of a conqueror, and having occasion to go to
+the village looked in at the shoe-maker's window as he passed and smiled
+broadly.  For years Little Haven had regarded Mr. Quince with awe, as
+being far too dangerous a man for the lay mind to tamper with, and at one
+stroke the farmer had revealed the hollowness of his pretensions.  Only
+that morning the wife of a labourer had called and asked him to hurry the
+mending of a pair of boots.  She was a voluble woman, and having overcome
+her preliminary nervousness more than hinted that if he gave less time to
+the law and more to his trade it would be better for himself and
+everybody else.
+
+Miss Rose accepted her lot in a spirit of dutiful resignation, and on
+Saturday morning after her father's admonition not to forget that the
+coach left the White Swan at two sharp, set off to pay a few farewell
+visits.  By half-past twelve she had finished, and Lawyer Quince becoming
+conscious of a shadow on his work looked up to see her standing before
+the window.  He replied to a bewitching smile with a short nod and became
+intent upon his work again.
+
+For a short time Celia lingered, then to his astonishment she opened the
+gate and walked past the side of the house into the garden.  With growing
+astonishment he observed her enter his tool-shed and close the door
+behind her.
+
+For ten minutes he worked on and then, curiosity getting the better of
+him, he walked slowly to the tool-shed and, opening the door a little
+way, peeped in.  It was a small shed, crowded with agricultural
+implements.  The floor was occupied by an upturned wheelbarrow, and
+sitting on the barrow, with her soft cheek leaning against the wall, sat
+Miss Rose fast asleep.  Mr. Quince coughed several times, each cough
+being louder than the last, and then, treading softly, was about to
+return to the workshop when the girl stirred and muttered in her sleep.
+At first she was unintelligible, then he distinctly caught the words
+"idiot" and "blockhead."
+
+"She's dreaming of somebody," said Mr. Quince to himself with conviction.
+
+"Wonder who it is?"
+
+"Can't see--a thing--under--his--nose," murmured the fair sleeper.
+
+"Celia!"  said Mr. Quince, sharply.  "Celia!"
+
+He took a hoe from the wall and prodded her gently with the handle.  A
+singularly vicious expression marred the soft features, but that was all.
+
+"Ce-lia!"  said the shoemaker, who feared sun-stroke.
+
+"Fancy if he--had--a moment's common sense," murmured Celia, drowsily,
+"and locked--the door."
+
+Lawyer Quince dropped the hoe with a clatter and stood regarding her
+open-mouthed.  He was a careful man with his property, and the stout door
+boasted a good lock.  He sped to the house on tip-toe, and taking the key
+from its nail on the kitchen dresser returned to the shed, and after
+another puzzled glance at the sleeping girl locked her in.
+
+For half an hour he sat in silent enjoyment of the situation--enjoyment
+which would have been increased if he could have seen Mr. Rose standing
+at the gate of Holly Farm, casting anxious glances up and down the road.
+Celia's luggage had gone down to the White Swan, and an excellent cold
+luncheon was awaiting her attention in the living-room.
+
+Half-past one came and no Celia, and five minutes later two farm
+labourers and a boy lumbered off in different directions in search of the
+missing girl, with instructions that she was to go straight to the White
+Swan to meet the coach.  The farmer himself walked down to the inn,
+turning over in his mind a heated lecture composed for the occasion, but
+the coach came and, after a cheerful bustle and the consumption of sundry
+mugs of beer, sped on its way again.
+
+He returned home in silent consternation, seeking in vain for a
+satisfactory explanation of the mystery.  For a robust young woman to
+disappear in broad day-light and leave no trace behind her was
+extraordinary.  Then a sudden sinking sensation in the region of the
+waistcoat and an idea occurred simultaneously.
+
+He walked down to the village again, the idea growing steadily all the
+way.  Lawyer Quince was hard at work, as usual, as he passed.  He went by
+the window three times and gazed wistfully at the cottage.  Coming to the
+conclusion at last that two heads were better than one in such a
+business, he walked on to the mill and sought Mr. Hogg.
+
+"That's what it is," said the miller, as he breathed his suspicions.
+"I thought all along Lawyer Quince would have the laugh of you.  He's
+wonderful deep. Now, let's go to work cautious like.  Try and look as if
+nothing had happened."
+
+[Illustration: "I thought all along Lawyer Quince would have the laugh of
+you."]
+
+Mr. Rose tried.
+
+"Try agin," said the miller, with some severity.  "Get the red out o'
+your face and let your eyes go back and don't look as though you're going
+to bite somebody."
+
+Mr. Rose swallowed an angry retort, and with an attempt at careless ease
+sauntered up the road with the miller to the shoemaker's.  Lawyer Quince
+was still busy, and looked up inquiringly as they passed before him.
+
+"I s'pose," said the diplomatic Mr. Hogg, who was well acquainted with
+his neighbour's tidy and methodical habits--"I s'pose you couldn't lend
+me your barrow for half an hour?  The wheel's off mine."
+
+Mr. Quince hesitated, and then favoured him with a glance intended to
+remind him of his scurvy behaviour three days before.
+
+"You can have it," he said at last, rising.
+
+Mr. Hogg pinched his friend in his excitement, and both watched Mr.
+Quince with bated breath as he took long, slow strides toward the
+tool-shed.  He tried the door and then went into the house, and even
+before his reappearance both gentlemen knew only too well what was about
+to happen.  Red was all too poor a word to apply to Mr. Rose's
+countenance as the shoemaker came toward them, feeling in his waist-coat
+pocket with hooked fingers and thumb, while Mr. Hogg's expressive
+features were twisted into an appearance of rosy appreciation.
+
+"Did you want the barrow very particular?" inquired the shoemaker, in a
+regretful voice.
+
+"Very particular," said Mr. Hogg.
+
+Mr. Quince went through the performance of feeling in all his pockets,
+and then stood meditatively rubbing his chin.
+
+"The door's locked," he said, slowly, "and what I've done with that there
+key----"
+
+"You open that door," vociferated Mr. Rose, "else I'll break it in.
+You've got my daughter in that shed and I'm going to have her out."
+
+"Your daughter?" said Mr. Quince, with an air of faint surprise.  "What
+should she be doing in my shed?"
+
+"You let her out," stormed Mr. Rose, trying to push past him.
+
+"Don't trespass on my premises," said Lawyer Quince, interposing his
+long, gaunt frame.  "If you want that door opened you'll have to wait
+till my boy Ned comes home.  I expect he knows where to find the key."
+
+Mr. Rose's hands fell limply by his side and his tongue, turning prudish,
+refused its office.  He turned and stared at Mr. Hogg in silent
+consternation.
+
+"Never known him to be beaten yet," said that admiring weather-cock.
+
+"Ned's been away three days," said the shoemaker, "but I expect him home
+soon."
+
+Mr. Rose made a strange noise in his throat and then, accepting his
+defeat, set off at a rapid pace in the direction of home.  In a
+marvellously short space of time, considering his age and figure, he was
+seen returning with Ned Quince, flushed and dishevelled, walking by his
+side.
+
+"Here he is," said the farmer.  "Now where's that key?"
+
+Lawyer Quince took his son by the arm and led him into the house, from
+whence they almost immediately emerged with Ned waving the key.
+
+"I thought it wasn't far," said the sapient Mr. Hogg.
+
+Ned put the key in the lock and flinging the door open revealed Celia
+Rose, blinking and confused in the sudden sunshine.  She drew back as she
+saw her father and began to cry with considerable fervour.
+
+"How did you get in that shed, miss?"  demanded her parent, stamping.
+
+[Illustration: "'How did you get in that shed?' demanded her parent."]
+
+Miss Rose trembled.
+
+"I--I went there," she sobbed.  "I didn't want to go away."
+
+"Well, you'd better stay there," shouted the over-wrought Mr. Rose.
+"I've done with you.  A girl that 'ud turn against her own father I--I--"
+
+He drove his right fist into his left palm and stamped out into the road.
+Lawyer Quince and Mr. Hogg, after a moment's hesitation, followed.
+
+"The laugh's agin you, farmer," said the latter gentleman, taking his
+arm.
+
+Mr. Rose shook him off.
+
+"Better make the best of it," continued the peace-maker.
+
+"She's a girl to be proud of," said Lawyer Quince, keeping pace with the
+farmer on the other side.  "She's got a head that's worth yours and mine
+put together, with Hogg's thrown in as a little makeweight."
+
+"And here's the White Swan," said Mr. Hogg, who had a hazy idea of a
+compliment, "and all of us as dry as a bone.  Why not all go in and have
+a glass to shut folks' mouths?"
+
+"And cry quits," said the shoemaker.
+
+"And let bygones be bygones," said Mr. Hogg, taking the farmer's arm
+again.
+
+Mr. Rose stopped and shook his head obstinately, and then, under the
+skilful pilotage of Mr. Hogg, was steered in the direction of the
+hospitable doors of the White Swan.  He made a last bid for liberty on
+the step and then disappeared inside.  Lawyer Quince brought up the rear.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Lawyer Quince, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12205 ***