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diff --git a/12184-h/12184-h.htm b/12184-h/12184-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2a87f81 --- /dev/null +++ b/12184-h/12184-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,5436 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta name="generator" content= +"HTML Tidy for Windows (vers 1st February 2004), see www.w3.org"> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= +"text/html; charset=UTF-8"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Abroad With The Jimmies, by +Lilian Bell.</title> + +<style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + } + HR { width: 33%; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + .linenum {position: absolute; top: auto; left: 4%;} /* poetry number */ + .note {margin-left: 2em; margin-right: 2em; margin-bottom: 1em;} /* footnote */ + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + .pagenum {position: absolute; left: 92%; font-size: smaller;} /* page numbers */ + .sidenote {width: 20%; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-left: 1em; font-size: smaller; float: right; clear: right;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem .caesura {vertical-align: -200%;} + .list + {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .rom + {list-style-type: upper-roman;} + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ +</style> +</head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12184 ***</div> + +<center><img src="./images/jimmies-cover.gif" height="632" width= +"403" alt="Book Cover"></center> +<br> +<br> +<h1>Abroad with the Jimmies</h1> +<h3>BY</h3> +<h2>LILIAN BELL,</h2> +<p style="text-align: center;">AUTHOR OF</p> +<p style="text-align: center;">"THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF AN OLD MAID," +"THE EXPATRIATES," ETC.</p> +<p style="text-align: center;">LONDON:</p> +<p style="text-align: center;">WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED,</p> +<p style="text-align: center;">NEW YORK & MELBOURNE.</p> +<center><img src="./images/jimmies-frontispiece.gif" width="502" +height="870" alt= +"Lilian Bell, Duogravure, From the Paining by Oliver Dennett Grover"> +</center> +<h5><i>Lilian Bell</i></h5> +<h5>Duogravure</h5> +<h5>From the Painting by Oliver Dennett Grover</h5> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<p>THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO <b>My Dear Father,</b> WHOSE HIGH TYPE +OF PATRIOTISM, STEADFAST LOYALTY TO THE GOVERNMENT, AND DEVOTION TO +HIS FAMILY HAVE TAUGHT ME WHEREIN LIE THE IDEALS OF LIFE.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="Preface"></a> +<h2>Preface</h2> +<br> +<p>If the critical public had cared to snub Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie and +Bee, I, who am a fighting champion of theirs, would never have run +the risk of boring it by a further chronicle of their travels. But +from a careful survey of my mail, I may say that the present volume +of their doings and undoings is a direct result of the friendships +they formed in "As Seen by Me," and has almost literally been +written by request.</p> +<p>With which statement, as the flushed and nervous singer, who +responds to friendly clappings, comes forward, bows, sings, and +retires, so do I, and the curtain falls on the Jimmies and Bee and +me, all kissing our hands to the gallery.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="Contents"></a> +<h2>Contents</h2> +<div class="list"> +<ol class="rom"> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_I">Our House-boat at Henley</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_II">Paris</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_III">Strasburg and Baden-Baden</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">Stuttgart, Nuremberg, and +Bayreuth</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_V">The Passion Play</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">Munich to the Achensee</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">Dancing in the Austrian Tyrol</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">Salzburg</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">Ischl</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_X">Vienna</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">My First Interview with Tolstoy</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">At one of the Tolstoy +Receptions</a></li> +<li><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">Shopping Experiences</a></li> +</ol> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_I"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> +<br> +<center>OUR HOUSE-BOAT AT HENLEY</center> +<p>It speaks volumes for an amiability I have always claimed for +myself through sundry fierce disputes on the subject with my +sister, that, even after two years of travel in Europe with her and +Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie, they should still wish for my company for a +journey across France and Germany to Russia. Bee says it speaks +volumes for the tempers of the Jimmies, but then Bee is my sister, +or to put it more properly, I am Bee's sister, and what woman is a +heroine to her own sister?</p> +<p>In any event I am not. Bee thinks I am a creature of feeble +intelligence who must be "managed." Bee loves to "manage" people, +and I, who love to watch her circuitous, diplomatic, velvety, +crooked way to a straight end, allow myself to be so "managed;" and +so after safely disposing of Billy in the grandmotherly care of +Mamma for another six months, Bee and I gaily took ship and landed +safely at the door of the Cecil, having been escorted up from +Southampton by Jimmie.</p> +<p>While repeated journeys to Europe lose the thrill of expectant +uncertainty which one's first held, yet there is something very +pleasing about "<i>going back</i>." And so we were particularly +glad again to join forces with our friends the Jimmies and travel +with them, for they, like Bee and me, travel aimlessly and are +never hampered with plans.</p> +<p>Everybody seems to know that we do not mean business, and nobody +has ever dared to ask whether our intentions were serious or +not.</p> +<p>In this frame of mind we floated over to England and had a +fortnight of "the season" in London. But this soon palled on us, +and we fell into the idle mood of waiting for something to turn +up.</p> +<p>One Sunday morning Bee and Mrs. Jimmie and I were sitting at a +little table near the entrance to the Cecil Hotel, when Jimmie came +out of a side door and sat down in front of us, leaning his elbows +on the table and grinning at us in a suspicious silence. We all +waited for him to begin, but he simply sat and smoked and +grinned.</p> +<p>"Well! Well!" I said, impatiently, "What now?"</p> +<p>You would know that Jimmie was an American by the way he smokes. +He simply eats up cigars, inhales them, chews them. The end of his +cigar blazes like a danger signal and breathes like an engine. He +can hold his hands and feet still, but his nervousness crops out in +his smoking. Finally, exasperated by his continued silence, Bee +said, severely:</p> +<p>"Jimmie, have you anything up your sleeve? If so, speak +out!"</p> +<p>"Well!" said Jimmie, brushing the cigar ashes off his wife's +skirt, "I thought I'd take you all out to Henley this morning to +look at the house-boat."</p> +<p>"House-boat!" shrieked Bee and I in a whisper, clutching Jimmie +by the sleeve and lapel of his coat and giving him an ecstatic +shake.</p> +<p>"Are we going to have a house-boat?" asked Bee.</p> +<p>"We!" said Jimmie. "<i>I</i> am going to have a house-boat, and +I am going to take my wife. If you are good perhaps she will ask +you out to tea one afternoon."</p> +<p>"How many staterooms are there, Jimmie? Can we invite people to +stay with us over night?" demanded Bee.</p> +<p>"You cannot," said Jimmie, firmly. "I said a house-boat, not a +house party."</p> +<p>"I shall ask the duke," said Bee, clearing her throat in a +pleased way. "Can't I, Mrs. Jimmie?"</p> +<p>"Certainly, dear. Ask any one you like."</p> +<p>"If you do," growled Jimmie, who hates the duke because he wears +gloves in hot weather, "I'll invite the chambermaid and the +head-waiter of this hotel."</p> +<p>"We ought to be starting," said Mrs. Jimmie, pacifically, and we +started and went and arrived.</p> +<p>As we were driving to the station I noticed all the way along, +and I had noticed them ever since we had been in London, large +capital H's on a white background, posted on stone walls, street +corners, lampposts, and occasionally on the sidewalks.</p> +<p>"What are those H's for, Jimmie?" I asked. To which he replied +with this record-breaking joke:</p> +<p>"Those are the H's that Englishmen have been dropping for +generations, and being characteristic of this solid nation, they +thus ossified them."</p> +<p>I forgave Jimmie a good deal for that joke.</p> +<p>At the pier at Henley a man met us with a little boat and rowed +us up the river, past dozens of house-boats moored along the +bank.</p> +<p>The river had been boomed off for the races, which were to begin +the next day, with little openings here and there for small boats +to cross and recross between races. Private house-boat flags, Union +Jacks, bunting, and plants made all the house-boats gay, except +ours, which looked bare and forlorn and guiltless of decoration of +any sort. It was fortunately situated within plain view of where +the races would finish, and by using glasses we could see the +start.</p> +<p>Several crews were out practising. One shell which flashed past +us held a crew in orange and black sweaters. We had previously +noticed that there was no American flag on any of the +house-boats.</p> +<p>Orange and black! We nearly stood up in our excitement.</p> +<p>"What's your college?" yelled Jimmie, hoping they were +Americans.</p> +<p>"Princeton!" they yelled back.</p> +<p>With that Jimmie ripped open a long pole he was carrying, and +the stars and stripes floated out over our shell. The Princeton +crew shipped their oars, snatched off their caps, and responded by +giving their college yell, ending with "Old Glo-ree! Old Glo-ree!! +Old Glo-ree!!!" yelled three times with all the strength of their +deep lungs.</p> +<p>That little glimpse of America made Bee and me shiver as if with +ague, while Jimmie's chin quivered and he muttered something about +"darned smoke in his eyes."</p> +<p>"Jimmie," I said, excitedly, "they are rowing toward us to let +us speak if we want to."</p> +<p>Jimmie waved his hand to them and they pulled up alongside. We +exchanged enthusiastic "How-do-do's" with them, although we had +never seen one of them before.</p> +<p>"Are you going to row to-morrow?" asked Jimmie.</p> +<p>"If you are we will decorate the house-boat with orange and +black," I said.</p> +<p>Their faces fell.</p> +<p>"We are only the Track Team," said one. "Princeton has no crew, +you know."</p> +<p>"No crew," I cried. "Why not?"</p> +<p>"Well, we haven't any more water than we need to wash in, and we +cannot row on the campus."</p> +<p>"Too many trees," said another.</p> +<p>"No water," I cried, "then won't you ever have a crew?"</p> +<p>"Not until some one gives us a million dollars to dam up a +natural formation that is there and turn the river into it," said +one.</p> +<p>"I'd give it to you in a minute, if I had it, the way I feel +now," said Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Well, don't we send crews over here to row?" asked Bee.</p> +<p>"Cornell sent one, but they were beaten," said the Captain with +a grin.</p> +<p>"But you wouldn't be beaten," said Bee, decidedly, with her eye +on the Captain.</p> +<p>"Come to dinner, all of you, to-morrow night," I said, +genially.</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie looked frightened, but Bee and Jimmie so heartily +seconded my generosity with Jimmie's boat that she resigned +herself.</p> +<p>"Wear your sweaters," commanded Bee.</p> +<p>"To dinner?" they said.</p> +<p>"Certainly!" said Bee, decidedly. "That's the only way people +will know we are in it. We'll wear shirt-waists to keep you in +countenance."</p> +<p>They accepted with alacrity and we parted with mutual +esteem.</p> +<p>"I wonder what their names are," said Mrs. Jimmie, +reproachfully.</p> +<p>"And they don't know our boat," I added.</p> +<p>"Hi, there!" Jimmie shouted back, "that's our boat +yonder—the <i>Lulu</i>."</p> +<p>And with that they all struck up "Lu, Lu, How I love my Lu," at +which Bee blushed most unnecessarily, I thought, and murmured:</p> +<p>"How well a handsome athlete looks with bare arms."</p> +<p>"And bare legs," added Jimmie, genially.</p> +<p>We found so much to do on the house-boat, and Jimmie had brought +so much bunting and so many flags, that Bee volunteered to go back +to the Cecil and have our clothes packed up by Mrs. Jimmie's maid, +while we decorated the house-boat.</p> +<p>The next morning bright and early we rowed down to the landing +for Bee. Such a change had taken place on the Thames in twenty-four +hours! There were hundreds upon hundreds of row-boats bearing girls +in duck and men in flannels, and a funny sight it was to Americans +to see fully half of them with the man lying at his ease on +cushions at the end of the boat, while the girls did the rowing. +English girls are very clever at punting, and look quite pretty +standing up balancing in the boats and using the long pole with +such skill.</p> +<p>It may be sportsmanlike, but it cannot fail to look +unchivalrous, especially to the Southern-born of Americans, to see +how willing Englishmen are to permit their women to wait upon them +even <i>before</i> they are married!</p> +<p>American women are not very popular with English women, possibly +because we get so many of their Englishmen away from them, and we +are popular with only certain of Englishmen, perhaps the more +susceptible, possibly the more broad-minded, but certain it was +that as we rowed along we heard whispers from the English boats of +"Americans" in much the same tone in which we say "Niggers."</p> +<p>The river was literally alive with these small craft, going up +and down, gathering their parties together and paying friendly +little visits to the neighbouring house-boats, while gay parasols, +striped shirt-waists, white flannels, sailor hats, house-boat +flags, and gay coloured boat cushions, made the river flash in the +sunshine like an electric lighted rainbow.</p> +<p>Jimmie had spared no expense in illuminating and decorating the +house-boat. He had the American shield in electric lights +surmounted by the American Eagle holding in his beak a chain of +electric bulbs which were festooned on each side down to the end of +the boat and running down the poles to the water's edge. A band of +red, white, and blue electric lights formed the balustrade of the +upper deck, with a row of brilliant scarlet geraniums on the +railing. The house-boat next to ours was called "The Primrose," and +when they saw our American emblem they sent over a polite note +asking where we got it, and at once ordered a St. George and the +Dragon in electric lights, which never came until the Friday +following, when all the races were over. Another house-boat, three +boats from ours, was owned by a wealthy brewer and had a pavilion +built on the land back of where it was moored and connected by a +broad gangplank with the boat. They used this pavilion for dancing +and vaudeville, but although it was very nice and we were immensely +entertained, still we all decided that it was not much like a +house-boat to be so much of the time on land.</p> +<p>Each morning we would be wakened by the lapping of the water +between the boat and the bank, caused by the early swims of the men +from the neighbouring boats. The weather was just cool enough and +just warm enough to be delightful. They told us that it generally +rained during Henley week, but some one must have been a mascot, +and we, with our usual becoming modesty, announced that it must +have been our Eagle. The English, however, did not take kindly to +that little pleasantry, and only said, "Fancy" whenever we got it +off.</p> +<p>The dining-room was too small to hold such a large dinner as we +gave the night we entertained the Princeton Track Team, so we had +the table spread on the upper deck in plain view of the craft on +the river and our neighbours on each side. Jimmie had the piano +brought up too, when he heard that two of them belonged to the Glee +Club and could sing.</p> +<p>It seemed such a simple thing to us to take up an upright baby +grand piano that we never thought we were doing anything out of the +common, until we looked down over the railing and saw that no less +than fifty boats had ranged themselves in front of our house-boat, +with as much curiosity in our proceedings as if we were going to +have a trained animal exhibit. There were two English women dining +with us, and I privately asked one of them what under the sun was +the matter.</p> +<p>"Oh! It is nothing much," she replied. "We cannot help thinking +that you Americans are so queer."</p> +<p>"Queer, or not!" I replied, stoutly, "we have things just as we +want them wherever we go. If we wanted to bring the punt up here +and put it on the dining-table filled with flowers, Jimmie would +let us," to which she replied, "Fancy!"</p> +<p>The table was very pretty that night. We had orange and black +satin ribbon down the middle of it and across the sides, finishing +in big bows. The centrepiece was made of black-eyed Susans. We +women wore orange and black wherever we could, and the men wore +their sweaters as they had been instructed. The dinner was slow in +coming on, so between courses we got up and danced. Then the men +sang college songs, much to the scandalisation of our English +friends on the next boats, who seemed to regard dinner as a +sacrament. Peters, the butler, would lie in wait for us while we +were dancing, to whisper as we careered past him:</p> +<p>"Miss, the fowl is getting cold," or "Miss, the ice cream is +getting warm," but he did it once too often, so Bee waltzed on his +foot. Whereat he limped off and we saw no more of him.</p> +<p>Soon the professional entertainers who ply up and down the river +during Henley week discovered the "Ammurikins," as they called us, +and we had our first encounter that night with the Thames nigger, a +creature painfully unlike that delightful commodity at home. The +Thames nigger is generally a cockney covered with blackening, which +only alters his skin and does not change his accent. To us it +sounded deliciously funny to hear this self-styled African call us +"Leddies," and say "Halways" and say "'Aven't yer, now?" They sang +in a very indifferent manner, but were rather quick in their +retorts.</p> +<p>Our large uninvited, but welcome audience, who had drawn so near +that they could not use their oars and only pulled their boats +along by the gunwales of the other boats, laughed at these +witticisms rather inquiringly. Always slightly unconvinced, they +seemed to have no inward desire to laugh, but yielded politely to +the requirements, owing to the niggers' harlequin costume and +blackened face.</p> +<p>To the student of human nature there is nothing so exquisitely +ridiculous on the face of the globe as the typical British +audience, at a show which appeals humourously to the intellect +rather than to the eye. For this reason the Princetonians were +indefatigable in their conversation with the niggers, for the +electric lights of the <i>Lulu</i> illuminated the faces of our +audience, which soon, in addition to the strolling craft of the +river, numbered many canoes from the neighbouring house-boats, who +were attracted by the gaiety and lights, thus forming a typical +river audience, thoroughly mixed, seemingly on pleasure bent, good +humoured, well behaved, polite, stolid, British.</p> +<p>Jimmie is hospitable to the core of his being, and nothing +pleased him better than to keep "open house-boat" for the entire +floating population of the Thames during Henley week. Every +afternoon it was particularly the custom about tea time for boats +containing music hall quartettes or a boatload of Geisha girls to +pull up in front of the house-boat and regale the occupants with +the latest music hall songs.</p> +<p>In one end of their boat is a little melodion apparently built +for river travel, for I never saw one anywhere else. They have in +addition velvet collection-boxes on long poles whereby to reach the +upper decks of the house-boat for our coins. These things look for +all the world like the old-fashioned collection-boxes which the +deacons used to pass in church.</p> +<p>There was one set of Geisha girls who were masked below the +eyes, one of whom sang what she fondly imagined was a typical +American song calculated to captivate her American audience. She +sang through her nose, the better to imitate the nasal voices which +to the British mind is the national characteristic of the American, +and her song had the refrain beginning "For I am an Ammurikin +Girl," telling how this "Ammurikin Girl" had come to England to +marry a title and had finally secured an Earl, and ending with the +statement that she had done all this "like the true Ammurikin +Girl." This song, especially the nasal part, was received with such +ill-concealed joy by our usual stolid river audience that one +afternoon I took it upon myself to avenge our house-boat family for +these truly British politenesses. So I went to the railing after +our audience had thoroughly collected and said through my nose:</p> +<p>"Won't you please sing that pretty song of yours about the +'Ammurikin Girl?' You know we are 'Ammurikin girls,' and we do so +love the way you take off our 'Ammurikin' voices."</p> +<p>At the same time I dropped a lot of small silver into their boat +without waiting for the collection-box. I was delighted to see that +some of it went overboard, for their consternation at that and at +my having turned the tables on them put them into such a flutter +that they couldn't sing at all, and they pulled away, saying that +they would be back in half an hour. Our audience, too, suddenly +remembered urgent business a mile or two up the river, and +scattered as if by magic.</p> +<p>Jimmie was deeply pleased by this <i>rencontre</i>, for the +prejudice of the middle-class Britons (for the sake of occasionally +being moderate, I will say middle class) against all classes of +Americans is just about as deeply rooted and ineradicable as the +prejudice of middle-class Americans against everything that flies +the Union Jack. The travelled upper classes are inclined to be more +moderate in their prejudice and to see fit either for political or +social reasons to affect a friendship. But seriously I myself +question if there is a nation more thoroughly foreign to America +than the English.</p> +<p>This, I take it, is because the middle classes of both countries +are not abreast of the times, and take little notice of the trend +of events. They are still influenced by the prejudice engendered by +the wars of a century ago, which has partly been inherited and +partly enhanced by marriages with England's hereditary foes, who +take refuge with us in such numbers.</p> +<p>However, the people could be influenced through their +sympathies, and in the to-be-expected event of the death of +England's queen, or a calamity of national importance on our own +shores, the sympathy which would be extended from each to each, +through the medium of the press, would do more to educate the +masses along lines of sympathy between the two great +English-speaking nations than any amount of statecraft or +diplomacy. The people must be taught by the way of the heart, and +touched by their emotions. Their brains would follow.</p> +<p>As it is, the differences still exist. Take, for instance, their +language, from which ours has so far departed and become so much +more pure English, and has been enriched by so many clean-cut and +descriptive adjectives that certain sentences in English and in +American will be totally unintelligible to each other. On one +occasion, going with a party of eight English people to the races, +Bee looked out of the car window at the landscape, and said:</p> +<p>"How thoroughly finished England is. Here we are running through +a hill country where they are so complete and so neat in their +landscape that they even sod the cuts. It is like going through a +terraced garden."</p> +<p>It may be that the phrase she used was academic, but I am at +least reasonable in thinking that the average American would know +what she meant. Not one of those eight English people caught even +the shadow of her meaning, and when she explained what she meant by +"sod your cuts," they said that she meant "turf your cuttings." She +replied that "cutting" with us was a greenhouse term and meant a +part clipped from a plant or a tree. They said the word "cut" meant +a cut of beef or mutton, to which she retorted that we might also +use the term "cut" in a butcher shop, but when travelling in a hill +country and looking out of the train window it meant the mountain +cut. They said they never heard of the word sod, except used as a +noun. She replied that she never heard the word "turf" used as a +verb. We continued in an amiable wrangle which finally brought out +the fact which even the most obstinate of them was obliged to +admit, and that is that when traced to its proper root, the +Americans speak purer English than the English.</p> +<p>House-boat hospitality we discovered to be conducted on a very +irregular plan, for it appeared that the casual afternoon caller +always meant tea and sometimes dinner. This is all very well if the +people happen to be agreeable and the food holds out, but even I, +the least conservative of the three women, am conservative about +invitations to guests, nothing being more offensive to me than to +be politely forced into a dinner invitation to people I don't want. +Another thing, it kept us constantly scurrying for more to eat, as +house-boat provisions are all furnished by firms in town, and +house-boat owners are expected to let the purveyors know beforehand +how many guests to provide for at each meal.</p> +<p>I like English people very much, but I cannot help observing +that some who are very well born and are supposed to be exceedingly +well bred, take advantage of American hospitality in a way in which +they would never dream of pursuing with their English hosts. For +instance, Americans were very free in remaining so dangerously +close to the dinner hour that we were pushed into inviting them to +remain, but never once did they make it obligatory to invite them +to remain over night, while no less than half a dozen times during +Henley week our English friends said to Jimmie:</p> +<p>"I say, old man, beastly work getting back to town. Can't you +put us up for the night?"</p> +<p>As this occurred when every stateroom was filled, even Bee's +sacred duke being among the number of our guests, these +self-invited ones remained in every instance when they knew that it +would force Jimmie to sleep upon a bench in the dining-room and be +seriously inconvenienced. Toward the end of the week this supreme +selfishness which I have noticed so often in otherwise worthy +English gentlemen annoyed me to such an extent that with one +Englishman who had thus insisted upon dispossessing Jimmie for the +second time I resolved to make a test. So I said to him:</p> +<p>"Of course it's a little hard on Jimmie, your way of turning him +out of his stateroom to sleep on the table, so, as turn about is +fair play, if you've quite decided to remain over night, my sister +and I will let you have our room and we will sleep on the benches +in the dining-room. Jimmie doesn't get much sleep you know—we +keep it up so late, and of course you always wake him up when you +turn out for your swim at six o'clock in the morning, so if you +will promise not to disturb us until seven, and go out through the +kitchen for your swim, you can have our room for to-night."</p> +<p>"Oh, I say!" he replied, "that's awfully jolly of you. It +<i>is</i> a beastly shame to turn the old man out of his bed two +nights in one week, but your boat is the only one on the river +where a fellow feels at home, you know. Besides that, I couldn't +get back to town before ten o'clock to-night if I started now, and +where would I get my dinner? And if I wait to get my dinner here, +I'd either have to sleep at Henley or be half the night in getting +home. So you see I've got to stay, and thanks awfully for letting +me have your room."</p> +<p>Bee, who was standing near, pushed her veil up and cleared her +throat. She looked at me.</p> +<p>"Did you ever in all your life?" she said.</p> +<p>"No, I never did," I said. "I never, never did."</p> +<p>"Never did what?" said the English gentleman.</p> +<p>"I never saw anybody like you in a book or out of it, but I +suppose there are ten thousand more just as good-looking as you +are; just as tall and well built and selfish."</p> +<p>"Selfish," he blurted out with a very red face. "What is there +selfish about me, I should like to know? You offered me your room, +didn't you?"</p> +<p>"Yes, she offered it," said Bee, sitting on a little table and +tucking her feet on a chair. "She offered it to you just to see if +you'd take it—just to see how far you <i>would</i> go. You +haven't known my sister very long, have you? Why, she'd no more let +you have her room than I would let Jimmie turn himself out a second +time for you. If you stay to-night <i>you'll</i> be the one to +sleep in the dining-room on that narrow bench."</p> +<p>"Oh, I say," he said, turning still redder, "I can't do that, +you know. It would be so very uncomfortable. It is very +narrow."</p> +<p>"You can lie on your side," said Bee. "You aren't too thick +through that way, and we three women have decided to allow Jimmie +to go to bed early to-night. We'll make it as comfortable as we can +for you, and you'll get fully three hours' sleep, perhaps four. It +is all Jimmie would get if he slept there."</p> +<p>"Why, I don't believe that the old man will let me sleep there. +I think he'd rather I had his room. He and his wife were so awfully +good to me when I was in America. I stayed two months at their +place and they entertained me royally."</p> +<p>"Where's your wife?" I said, suddenly.</p> +<p>"She's in our town house," he answered.</p> +<p>"And that's in Upper Brooke Street?" said Bee.</p> +<p>"And where's your sister, the Honourable Eleanor?" I said.</p> +<p>"What's that got to do with it?" said our friend.</p> +<p>"Nothing," I said. "I just wondered if you'd noticed that, every +single time we have been in London for the past two years, neither +your sister nor your wife has ever called on Mrs. Jimmie; although, +as you have just admitted, you stayed two months with them in +America. All that you have done in return for the mountain trip +that Jimmie arranged for you, taking you in a private car to hunt +big game, taking you fishing and arranging for you to see +everything in America that you wanted, when you know that Jimmie +isn't rich judged by the largest fortunes in America—all, all +I say, that you have done for him in return for everything he did +for you was to put him up at your club and take them to the races +twice, and even though you saw your wife at a distance you never +introduced them, although once you stopped and spoke to her. Now, +what do you think of yourself?"</p> +<p>"I think—I think," he stammered.</p> +<p>"No, you don't think," said Bee. "You flatter yourself."</p> +<p>He stared at us helplessly, but we were enjoying ourselves too +maliciously to let up on him.</p> +<p>"I never was talked to so in my life," he said.</p> +<p>"No, perhaps not," I said, pleasantly. "But it has done you +good, hasn't it? Confess now, don't you feel a little better?"</p> +<p>His face, which was very red at all times, grew a little more +claret coloured, and he evidently wanted very much to get angry, +but Bee and I were so very cheerful, almost affectionate in our +manner of mentally skinning him, that he couldn't seem to pull +himself together.</p> +<p>"He'll never stay after that," said Bee, complacently, to me +afterward. But he <i>did</i> stay, and although Jimmie was furious, +he had every intention of letting him have his bedroom again, which +Bee and I so fiercely resented that we locked Jimmie in his +stateroom, where, after a few feeble pounds on the door, he +resigned himself to his fate and got the only night's sleep that he +had in the eight days of Henley.</p> +<p>Whether the Honourable Edwardes Edwardes slept on his side on +the bench or on his back on the dinner-table, or stood up all +night, we never knew. He was a little cross at breakfast, and +complained of feeling "a bit stiff." But nobody petted or +sympathised with him or ran for the liniment. So by luncheon time +he was drinking Jimmie's champagne again with the utmost good +humour.</p> +<p>One of the most amusing things we did was to go after dinner in +little boats and form part of the river audience in front of some +other house-boat where something was going on,—crowded in +between other boats, having to ship our oars and pull ourselves +along by our neighbours' gunwales, getting locked for perhaps half +an hour, until suddenly our Geisha girls or niggers would start the +cry "Up river," when away we would all go, entertainers and +entertained, pulling up the river to the lights of another +house-boat, enjoying the music for a few minutes and then slipping +away in the darkness toward the lights of Henley village, or +perhaps back to the <i>Lulu</i>.</p> +<p>Once or twice a boat would capsize, giving the occupants a +severe wetting, but as river costumes are always washable and the +river is not deep, no harm ever seemed to come of these aquatic +diversions. Once, however, it was brought near home in this +wise.</p> +<p>Jimmie invited his wife to go canoeing. I went canoeing once on +the Kennebunk River with an Indian to paddle, and after watching +the manoeuvres of the paddlers on the Thames and the antics of +those wretched little boats, I made the solemn promise with myself +never to trust any one less skilled than an Indian again. But +Jimmie, while he is not more conceited than most people, is what +you might call confident, and he would have been all right in this +instance, if he had noticed that a race had just been rowed and +that the swell from the racers was just rippling over the boom and +creeping gently toward the house-boat. The canoe was still at the +house-boat steps. They were both seated comfortably and just about +to paddle away when a swell came alongside and tilted the canoe in +such a succession of little unexpected rolls that our two friends, +in their anxiety to hold on to something which was not there to +hold on to, overbalanced, and the canoe shipped enough water to +submerge their legs entirely, giving them a nice cold hip bath.</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie screamed, and we all rushed down and fished her out +of the boat dripping like a mermaid and thoroughly chilled. Bee +took her in to warm her with a brandy and to hurry her into dry +clothes, while I remained to see what I could do for Jimmie, who +was very wet, very mad, and very uncommunicative.</p> +<p>"What a pity," I remarked, pleasantly, "that you are so thin. +Shall I come down and hold the boat still while you get out? Wet +flannel has such a clinging effect."</p> +<p>Jimmie is a good deal of a gentleman, so he made no reply. I was +just turning away, resolving in a Christian spirit to order him a +hot Scotch, when I heard a splash and a remark which was full of +exclamation points, asterisks, and other things, and looking down I +saw the canoe bottom upwards, with Jimmie clinging to it +indignantly blowing a large quantity of Thames water from his mouth +in a manner which led me to know that the sooner I got away from +there the better it would be for me. I kept out of his way until +dinner-time, and only permitted him to suspect that I saw his +disappearance by politely ignoring the fact that all his and Mrs. +Jimmie's lingerie, to speak delicately, was floating about, hanging +from pegs in unused portions of the house-boat. My silence was so +suspicious that finally Jimmie could stand it no longer.</p> +<p>"Did you see me go down?" he demanded.</p> +<p>"I did not," I answered him, firmly, whereat he released my +elbow and I edged around to the other side of the table.</p> +<p>"But I saw you come up," I said, pleasantly, "and I saw what you +said."</p> +<p>"Saw?" said Jimmie. "Saw what I said?"</p> +<p>"Certainly! There was enough blue light around your remarks for +me to have seen them in the dark."</p> +<p>"Well, what have you got to say about it?" he said, resigning +himself.</p> +<p>"Only this, and that is that this afternoon's performance in +that canoe was the only instance in my life where I thoroughly +approved of the workings of Providence. Ordinarily the good die +young and the guilty one escapes."</p> +<p>"Is that all?" growled Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Yes," I said, hesitatingly, "I think it is. Did I mention +before that I thought you were thin?"</p> +<p>"You certainly did," said Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Your legs," I went on, but just then I was interrupted by the +reappearance of a little German musician, who had floated up the +river two days before in a white flannel suit without change of +linen and who played accompaniments of our singers so well that +Jimmie permitted him to stay on without either actually inviting +him or showing him that his presence was not any particular +addition to our enjoyment.</p> +<p>Jimmie objected violently to some of his sentiments, which the +German was tactless enough to keep thrusting in our faces. He was +as offensive to our English friends on the subject of England as he +was to us concerning America, but one of the Englishmen sang and +couldn't play a note, so Jimmie let the German stay, because Miss +Wemyss wanted him to.</p> +<p>Although secretly I think Jimmie and I hated him, we are +sometimes polite enough not to say everything we think, but at any +rate there never was a moment when Jimmie and I wouldn't leave off +attacking each other, hoping for an opportunity for a fight with +the German, which thus far he had escaped by the skin of his +teeth.</p> +<p>"Your sister sent me to tell you that there is a house-boat up +near the Island flying the American flag and we are all going up +there to see it. Would you like to go?"</p> +<p>"Thanks so much for your invitation," said Jimmie, "but I've got +some guests coming in half an hour, so I can't go."</p> +<p>"I'll go. Just wait until I get my hat."</p> +<p>One boat contained Bee, Mrs. Jimmie, and two Princeton men, and +the other Miss Wemyss, the German, Miss Wemyss' fiancé, Sir +George, and me. Side by side the two skiffs pulled up the river to +the Island, where on a very small house-boat named the <i>Queen</i> +a large American flag was flying and beneath it were crossed a +smaller American flag and the Union Jack.</p> +<p>Sir George, who is one of the nicest Englishmen we ever met, +pulled off his cap and cried out:</p> +<p>"All hats off to the Stars and Stripes!"</p> +<p>In an instant every hat was whipped off, ours included, although +there was some wrestling with hat-pins before we could get them +off. All, did I say? All—all except the German! He folded his +arms across his breast and kept his hat on.</p> +<p>"Didn't you hear Sir George?" I said to him.</p> +<p>He had a nervous twitching of the eye at all times, and when he +was excited the muscles of his face all jerked in unison like Saint +Vitus' dance. At my question every muscle in his face, as the +Princeton man in Bee's boat said, "began working over time."</p> +<p>"Yes, I heard him. Of course I heard him," he said.</p> +<p>"Then take your hat off!" said Miss Wemyss.</p> +<p>"Yes, take your hat off!" came in a roar from all the others, +none being louder and more peremptory than the Englishman's.</p> +<p>"I will not take my hat off to that dirty rag," he said. "It +means nothing to me. The flag of any country means nothing to me. I +can go into a shop and buy that red, white, and blue! That is only +a rag—that flag."</p> +<p>Sir George leaned over with blazing eyes and took him by the +collar.</p> +<p>"Don't do that, George," said Miss Wemyss, excitedly. "His linen +is not fit to touch."</p> +<p>"Let's duck him," said the Princeton man.</p> +<p>But Mrs. Jimmie interfered, saying in a quiet voice, although +her hands were trembling:</p> +<p>"Don't do anything to him until we take him back to the +house-boat. Remember he is my guest."</p> +<p>At this the German smiled with such insolence and pulled his hat +further down on his brow with such a vicious look of satisfaction +that I had all I could do to hold myself in. The boats flew back to +the house-boat as if on wings.</p> +<p>"You see, miss," he leaned forward and said to me in low tones. +"You do not like me. You love your flag. Ah, ha, I revenge +myself."</p> +<p>"Just wait till I tell Jimmie," I said.</p> +<p>"Ah, ha, he will do nothing! I play for his concert +to-night."</p> +<p>As the boats pulled up to the steps of the house-boat, Jimmie +met us with his two friends, who had come during our absence. We +had never seen them before.</p> +<p>"What do you think, Jimmie?" stammered Bee, stumbling up the +steps in her excitement.</p> +<p>"And Jimmie, he wouldn't take his hat off to the flag!"</p> +<p>"And Jimmie, I wish you had been there, you'd have drowned him!" +came from all of us at once.</p> +<p>"What's that?" cried Jimmie in a rage at once, and:</p> +<p>"What's that?" came from the men behind him. "Wouldn't take off +his hat to the flag? Who wouldn't?"</p> +<p>"That nasty little German!" cried Miss Wemyss.</p> +<p>We were all out of the boats by that time except the unhappy +object of our wrath, whose countenance by this time was working +into patterns like a kaleidoscope.</p> +<p>"Mr. Jimmie," he said, coming to the end of the boat with every +intention of stepping out, "I apologise to you. I am very +sorry."</p> +<p>"Get back in that boat!" thundered Jimmie.</p> +<p>"But, sir! Your concert to-night! I play for you!"</p> +<p>"You go to the devil," said Jimmie. "You'll not put your foot on +board this boat again. Off you go! Take him down to Henley!" he +ordered the boatman.</p> +<p>"Very well! Very well!" said the German, "I go, but I do not +take my hat off to your flag."</p> +<p>"Ah! Don't you?" cried the Princeton man, making a grab for the +German's sailor hat with his long arm, just as the boat shot away. +He stooped and took it up full of Thames water and flung it thus +loaded squarely in the little wretch's face, while the man at the +oars dexterously tossed it overboard, where it floated bottom +upwards in the river, and the boat shot out toward Henley with the +bareheaded and most excited specimen of the human race it was ever +our lot to behold.</p> +<p>Then Jimmie introduced his friends. Bee has just looked over +this narrative of the pleasantest week we ever spent in England and +she says:</p> +<p>"You haven't said a word about the races."</p> +<p>"So I haven't."</p> +<p>But they were there.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_II"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> +<br> +<center>PARIS</center> +<p>"Now," said Jimmie as our train was pulling into Paris, "we are +all decided, are we not, that we shall stay in Paris only two +days?"</p> +<p>His eyes met ours with apprehension and a determination that +ended in a certain amount of questioning in their glance.</p> +<p>"Certainly!" we all hastened to assure him. "Not over two +days."</p> +<p>"Just long enough," said Jimmie, beamingly, "to have one lunch +at the Café Marguery for <i>sole à la +Normande</i>—"</p> +<p>"And one afternoon at the Louvre to see the Venus and the +Victory—" I pleaded.</p> +<p>"And the Father Tiber—" added Jimmie, waxing +enthusiastic.</p> +<p>"Yes, and one dinner at the Pavilion d'Armenonville to hear the +Tziganes—" said Bee.</p> +<p>"And one afternoon on the Seine to go to St. Cloud to see the +brides dance at the Pavilion Bleu, and a supper afterward in the +open to have a <i>poulet</i> and a <i>pêche +flambée</i>."</p> +<p>Jimmie by this time was wriggling in ecstasy.</p> +<p>"And just time to order two or three gowns apiece and have one +look at hats," added Mrs. Jimmie, complacently.</p> +<p>"'Two or three gowns apiece and one look at hats,'" cried +Jimmie. "And how long will that take? We agreed on two days, and +you never said a word about clothes. That means a whole week!"</p> +<p>"Not at all, Jimmie," said Bee. "It's too late to do anything +to-night. To-morrow morning we'll go and look. In the afternoon +we'll think it over while we're doing the Louvre. It is always cool +and quiet there, and looking at statuary always helps me to make up +my mind about clothes. The next morning we'll go and order. In the +afternoon we'll buy our hats, and with one day more for the first +fittings, I believe we might manage and have the things sent after +us to Baden-Baden."</p> +<p>"Not at all," put in Mrs. Jimmie. "They will never be +satisfactory unless we put our minds on the subject and give them +plenty of time. We must stay at least two days more. Give us four +days, Jimmie."</p> +<p>I had to laugh at Jimmie's rueful face. He was about to +remonstrate, but Bee switched him off diplomatically by saying, in +her most deferential manner:</p> +<p>"What hotel have you decided on, Jimmie? It's such a comfort to +be getting to a Paris hotel. What one do you think would be +best?"</p> +<p>Bee's tone was so flattering that Jimmie forgot clothes and +said:</p> +<p>"Well, you know at the Binda you can get corn on the cob and +American griddle cakes—"</p> +<p>"Oh, but the rooms are so small and dark, and we could go there +for luncheon to get those things," said his wife.</p> +<p>"Do let's go to the Hotel Vouillemont," I begged. "We won't see +any Americans there, and it is so lovely and old and French, and so +heavenly quiet."</p> +<p>"But then there is the new Élysée Palace," said +Bee. "We haven't seen that."</p> +<p>"And they say it's finer than the Waldorf," said Mrs. +Jimmie.</p> +<p>Jimmie and I looked at each other in comical despair.</p> +<p>"Let 'em have their own way, Jimmie," I whispered in his ear, +"while we're in their country. They know that we are going to make +'em dodge Switzerland and go up in the Austrian Tyrol and perhaps +even get them to Russia, so we'll be obliged to give them their +head part of the way. Let's be handsome about it."</p> +<p>We went to the Élysée Palace, and we spent two +weeks in Paris. Part of this time we were fashionable with Mrs. +Jimmie and Bee, and part of the time they were Latin Quartery with +us. We made them go to the Concert Rouge and to the Restaurant +Foyot, and occasionally even to sit on the sidewalk at one of the +little tables at Scossa's, where you have <i>déjeuner au +choix</i> for one franc fifty, including wine, and which they +couldn't help enjoying in spite of pretending to despise it and us, +while occasionally we went with them to call on the grand and +distinguished personages to whom they had letters. But it remained +for the last days of our stay for us to have our experiences. The +first came about in this wise.</p> +<p>I had brought a letter to Max Nordau from America, but I heard +after I got to Paris that he was so fierce a woman hater, that I +determined not to present it. I read it over every once in awhile, +but failed to screw my courage to the sticking point, until one day +I mentioned that I had this letter, and Jimmie to my surprise threw +up both hands, exclaiming:</p> +<p>"A letter to Max Nordau! Why, it is like owning a gold mine! +Present it by all means, and then tell us what he is like."</p> +<p>Afraid to present it in person, I sent it by mail, saying that I +had heard that he hated women and that I was scared to death of +him, but if he had a day in the near future on which he felt less +fierce than usual, I would come to see him, and I asked permission +to bring a friend. By "friend" I meant Jimmie.</p> +<p>The most charming note came in answer that a polished man of the +world could write—not in the least like the bear I had +imagined him to be, but courteous and even merry. In it he said he +should feel honoured if I would visit his poor abode, and he seemed +to have read my books and knew all about me, so with very mixed +feelings Jimmie and I called at the hour he named.</p> +<p>He lives in one of the regulation apartment houses of Paris, of +the meaner sort—by no means as fine as those in the American +quarter. The most horrible odour of German +cookery—cauliflower and boiled cabbage and vinegar and all +that—floated out when the door opened. The room—a sort +of living-room—into which we were ushered was a mixture of +all sorts of furniture, black haircloth, dingy and old, with here +and there a good picture or one fine chair, which I imagined had +been presented to him.</p> +<p>Jimmie was much excited at the idea of meeting him. Max Nordau +is one of his idols,—Nordau's horrible power of invective +fully meeting Jimmie's ideas of the way crimes of the bestial sort +should be treated. Jimmie is often a surprise to me in his beliefs +and ideals, but when Doctor Nordau entered the room I forgot Jimmie +and everything else in the world except this one man.</p> +<p>I can see him now as he stood before me—a thick-set man +with a magnificent torso, but with legs which ought to have been +longer. For that body he ought to have been six feet tall. When he +is seated he appears to be a very large man. You would know that he +was a physician from the way he shakes hands—even from the +touch of his hand, which seems to be in itself a soothing of +pain.</p> +<p>He was exquisitely clean. Indeed he seemed, after one look into +his face, to be one of the cleanest men I ever had seen. And to +look into the face of a man in Paris and to be able to say that, +<i>means</i> something.</p> +<p>His eyes were gray blue—very clear in colour. Their whites +were really white—not bloodshot nor yellow. His skin was the +clear, beautiful colour which you sometimes see in a young and +handsome Jew. There was the same clear red and white. This +distinguishing quality of clearness was noticeable too in his lips, +for his short white moustache shows them to be full, very red, and +with the line where the red joins the white extremely clear cut. +His teeth were large, full, even, and white, like those of a +primitive man, who tore his rare meat with those same white teeth, +and who never heard of a dentist. His hair was short, white, and +bristling. He seemed to have some Jewish blood in him, but he +seemed more than all to be perfectly well, perfectly normal, filled +to the brim with abounding life. It was like a draught from the +Elixir of Life to be in his presence. What a man!</p> +<p>All at once the whole of "Degeneration" was made clear to me. +How could any man as sane, as normal, as superbly health-loving and +health-bestowing keep from writing such a book! I never met any one +who so impressed me with his knowledge. Not pedantry, but with the +deep-lying fundamental truth that humanity ought to know. His +sympathies are so broad, his intuitions so keen, his understanding +so subtle.</p> +<p>He asked us at once into his study—a small room, lined +with books bound in calf. Both the chair and his couch had burst +out beneath, showing broken springs and general dilapidation. He +speaks many languages, and his English is very pure and +beautiful.</p> +<p>Like all great men, his manner was extremely simple. He did not +pose. He was interested in me, in my work, in my ambitions, hopes, +and aims. He seemed to have no overpoweringly high idea of himself, +nor of what he had achieved. He was thoroughly at home in French, +German, English, Scandinavian, and Russian literature. He read them +in the originals, and his knowledge of the classics seemed to be +equally complete. The well-worn books upon his shelves testified to +this.</p> +<p>I asked him if he intended to come to America in the near +future. To which he replied:</p> +<p>"Unhappily I cannot tell. I should like to go. I consider +America the country of the world at present. Whether we admit it or +not, all nations are watching you. The rest of the world cannot +live without you. Russia is the only country in the world which +could go to war without your assistance. You must feed Europe. Your +men are the financiers of the world and your women rule and educate +and are the saviours of the men. Therefore to my mind the greatest +factor in the world's civilisation to-day is the great body of the +American women. You little know your power. <i>You</i> seem to have +got the ear of the American woman, and the only advice I have to +give you is to be more bold. Don't be afraid of being too pedantic. +You are too subtle. You bury your truths sometimes too deeply. The +busy are too busy to dig for it, and the stupid do not know it is +there."</p> +<p>"I think 'Degeneration' is the most wonderful book ever +written," Jimmie broke in at this point as if unable to keep silent +any longer. Then he looked deeply embarrassed at Doctor Nordau's +hearty laughter.</p> +<p>"Thank you a thousand times," he said; "such a decided opinion I +seldom hear. Your great country was the first to appreciate and +read it. I have many friends there whom I never saw but who love me +and whom I love. They often write to me."</p> +<p>"And beg autographs and photographs of you," I said.</p> +<p>"Oh, yes, but it is very easy to do what they ask. But one +curious thing strikes me about America. See, here on my book +shelves I have books written explaining the government of all +countries in all languages—all countries, that is to say, +except America. Why has no one ever written such an one about the +United States?"</p> +<p>Jimmie pricked up his ears as this phase of the conversation +came home to him. He forgot his awe and said:</p> +<p>"What's the matter with Bryce?"</p> +<p>Doctor Nordau looked puzzled. He is a practising physician.</p> +<p>"'What's the matter with Bryce?'" he repeated.</p> +<p>Jimmie blushed.</p> +<p>"Haven't you read 'Bryce's Commonwealth?'" I broke in, to give +Jimmie time to get on his legs again.</p> +<p>"Is there a book on American government by an American that I +never heard of?" asked Nordau of Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Well, Bryce is an Englishman, but he knows more about America +than any American I know," answered Jimmie. "I'll send you the book +if you would like to read it."</p> +<p>Doctor Nordau thanked him and said he would be delighted to have +it. While Jimmie was making a note of this, Doctor Nordau looked +quizzically at me and said:</p> +<p>"Do American publishers rob all foreign authors as I have been +robbed, or am I mistaken in thinking that large numbers of +'Degeneration' have been sold in America?"</p> +<p>Alas, wherever I go in Europe, I am obliged to hear this +denunciation of our publishers! I cannot get beyond the sound of +it. To hear foreign authors denounce American publishers by every +term of opprobrium which could commonly be applied to Barabbas! I +was puzzled to know whether they really are the most unscrupulous +robbers in creation or if they only have the name of being.</p> +<p>"You are not mistaken in thinking that large numbers of +'Degeneration' have been sold," I said, "and if your book was +properly copyrighted and protected and you did not sign away all +your rights to your American publishers for a song, as too many +foreign authors do in their scorn of American appreciation of good +literature, you should not be obliged to complain, for I distinctly +remember that 'Degeneration' often led in the lists of best selling +books which our booksellers report at the end of each week."</p> +<p>"Then I will leave you to judge for yourself," said Doctor +Nordau. "The entire amount I have received from my American +publishers for 'Degeneration' is fifty pounds! That is every +sou!"</p> +<p>"Fifty pounds!" cried Jimmie, in consternation. "Why that is +only two hundred and fifty dollars of our money!"</p> +<p>"I leave it to you to judge for yourselves," said Doctor Nordau +again.</p> +<p>We said nothing, for as Jimmie said after we left, there was +really nothing to say.</p> +<p>But evidently our consternation touched him, for he broke out +into a big German laugh, saying:</p> +<p>"Don't take it so deeply to heart! You are too sensitive. Do you +take the criticisms of your books so deeply to heart as you take a +criticism of your countrymen? Don't do it! Remember, there are few +critics worth reading."</p> +<p>"I never read them while they are fresh," I admitted. "I keep +them until their heat has had time to cool. Then if they are +favourable I say, 'This is just so much extra pleasure that, as it +is all over. I had no right to expect.' And if they are +unfavourable I think, 'What difference does it make? It was +published weeks ago and everybody has forgotten it by this +time!'"</p> +<p>"You have the right spirit," he said. "Where would I be if I had +taken to heart the criticisms of the degenerates on 'Degeneration?' +I sit back and laugh at them for holding a hand mirror up to their +faces and unconsciously crying out 'I see a fool!' To understand +great truths,—and great truths are seldom popular,—one +must bring a willing mind. Yet how often it is that the very sick +one wishes most to help are the ones who refuse, either from +conceit or stupidity, to believe and be healed. Remember this: no +one can get out of a book more than he brings to it. Readers of +books seldom realise that by their written or spoken criticisms +they are displaying themselves in all their weaknesses, all their +vanities, all their strength for their hearers to make use of as +they will."</p> +<p>"I shouldn't think anything ever would disturb you," said +Jimmie, regarding Doctor Nordau's gigantic strength admiringly.</p> +<p>Doctor Nordau laughed.</p> +<p>"It is the little things of this life, my friend, which often +disturb a mental balance which is always poised to receive great +shocks. The gnat-bites and mosquito buzzings are sometimes harder +to bear than an operation with a surgeon's knife."</p> +<p>I looked triumphantly at Jimmie as Doctor Nordau said that, for +Jimmie never has got over it that I once dragged the whole party +off a train and made them wait until the next one, because the +wheels of our railway carriage squeaked. But Jimmie's mind is open +to persuasion, especially from one whose opinions he admires as he +admires Max Nordau's, for he looked at me with more tolerance, as +he said:</p> +<p>"It is the nervous organisation, I suppose. She can bear +neuralgia for days at a time which would drive me crazy in an hour, +but I've seen her burst into tears because a door slammed."</p> +<p>"Exactly so!" said Doctor Nordau. "I understand perfectly."</p> +<p>"Now, I never hear such noises," pursued Jimmie. "But I suppose +there must be <i>some</i> difference between you both, who can +write books, and me, who can't even write a letter without +dictating it!"</p> +<p>Soon after this we came away, Jimmie beaming with delight over +one idol who had not tumbled from his pedestal at a near view.</p> +<p>We were still in the midst of the Paris season. It was very gay +and Bee and Mrs. Jimmie had made some amiable friends among the +very smartest of the Parisian smart set. When we went to tea or +dinner with these people Jimmie and I had to be dragged along like +dogs who are muzzled for the first time. Every once in awhile <i>en +route</i> we would plant our fore feet and try to rub our muzzles +off, but the hands which held our chains were gentle but firm, and +we always ended by going.</p> +<p>On one Sunday we were invited to have <i>déjeuner</i> +with the Countess S., and as it was her last day to receive she had +invited us to remain and meet her friends. At the breakfast there +were perhaps sixteen of us and the conversation fell upon +palmistry. We had just seen Cheiro in London, and as he had amiably +explained a good many of our lines to us, I was speaking of this +when the old Duchesse de Z. thrust her little wrinkled paw loaded +down with jewels across the plate of her neighbour and said:</p> +<p>"Mademoiselle, can you see anything in the lines of my +hand?"</p> +<p>I make no pretence of understanding palmistry, but I saw in her +hand a queer little mark that Cheiro had explained to us from a +chart. I took her hand in mine and all the conversation ceased to +hear the pearls of wisdom which were about to drop from my lips. +The duchesse was very much interested in the occult and known to be +given to table tipping and the invocation of spirits.</p> +<p>"I see something here," I began, hesitatingly, "which looks to +me as if you had once been threatened with a great danger, but had +been miraculously preserved," I said.</p> +<p>The old woman drew her hand away.</p> +<p>"Humph," she muttered with her mouth full of homard. "I wondered +if you would see that. It was assassination I escaped. It was +enough to leave a mark, eh, mademoiselle?"</p> +<p>"I should think so," I murmured.</p> +<p>The young Count de X. on my right said, in a tone which the +duchesse might have heard:</p> +<p>"When she was a young girl, only nineteen, her husband tied her +with ropes to her bed and set fire to the bed curtains. Her screams +brought the servants and they rescued her."</p> +<p>My fork fell with a clatter.</p> +<p>"What an awful man!" I gasped.</p> +<p>"He was my uncle, mademoiselle!" said the young man, +imperturbably, arranging the gardenia in his buttonhole, "but as +you say, he was a bad lot."</p> +<p>"I beg your pardon!" I exclaimed.</p> +<p>"It is nothing," he answered. "It is no secret. Everybody knows +it."</p> +<p>Later in the afternoon I took occasion to apologise to the +duchesse for having referred to the subject.</p> +<p>"Why should you be distressed, mademoiselle," said the old +woman, peering up into my face from beneath her majenta bonnet with +her little watery brown eyes, "such things will go into books and +be history a few years hence. We make history, such families as +ours," she added, proudly.</p> +<p>I turned away rather bewildered and for an hour or two watched +Bee and Mrs. Jimmie being presented to those who called to pay +their respects to our hostess. They were of all descriptions and +fascinating to a degree. Finally the duchesse came up to me +bringing a lady whom she introduced as the Countess Y.</p> +<p>"She is a compatriot of yours, mademoiselle."</p> +<p>It so happened that Bee and Mrs. Jimmie were standing near me +and overheard.</p> +<p>"Ah, you are an American," I said.</p> +<p>"Well," said the countess, moving her shoulders a little +uneasily, "I am an American, but my husband does not like to have +me admit it."</p> +<p>It was a small thing. She had a right to deny her nationality if +she liked, but in some way it shocked the three of us alike and we +moved forward as if pulled by one string.</p> +<p>"I think we must be going," said Bee, haughtily.</p> +<p>Jimmie's jaw was so set as we left the house of the countess, +and Bee and Mrs. Jimmie looked so disturbed that I suggested that +we drive down to the Louvre and take one last look at our +treasures. Mine are the Venus de Milo and the Victory, and Jimmie's +is the colossal statue of the river Tiber. Jimmie loves that old +giant, Father Tiber, lying there with the horn of plenty and dear +little Romulus and Remus with their foster mother under his right +hand. Jimmie says the <i>toes</i> of the giant fascinate him.</p> +<p>It looked like rain, so we hastily checked our parasols and +Jimmie's stick and cut down the left corridor to the stairs, and so +on down to the chamber where we left Jimmie and the Tiber to stare +each other out of countenance. The rest of us continued our way to +the room where the Venus stands enthroned in her silent majesty. We +sat down to rest and worship, and then coming up the steps again +and mounting another flight, we stood looking across the arcade at +the brilliant electric poise of the Victory, and in taking our last +look at her, we did not notice that it had gradually grown very +dark.</p> +<p>When we came out, rested, uplifted, and calmed as the effect of +that glorious Venus always is upon our fretted spirits, we +discovered that the most terrific rainstorm was in progress it ever +was our luck to behold. The water came down in cataracts and +blinding sheets of rain. Every one except us had been warned by the +darkness and had got themselves home. The streets were empty except +for the cabs and carriages which skurried by with fares. Our +frantic signals and Jimmie's dashes into the street were of no +avail.</p> +<p>We would have walked except that Bee and I had colds, and big, +beautiful Mrs. Jimmie was subject to croup, which as every one +knows is terrible in its attacks upon grown people.</p> +<p>Poor Jimmie ran in every direction in his wild efforts for a +carriage, but none was to be had. We waited two hours, then Mrs. +Jimmie saw a black covered wagon approaching and she gathered up +her skirts and hailed it. The driver obligingly pulled up at the +curb.</p> +<p>"You must drive us to our hotel." she said, firmly. "We have +waited two hours."</p> +<p>"Impossible, madame!" said the man.</p> +<p>"But you <i>must</i>," we all said in chorus.</p> +<p>"You shall have much money," said Jimmie in his worst +French.</p> +<p>"All the same it is impossible, monsieur," said the man.</p> +<p>He regretted exceedingly his inability to oblige the ladies, +but—and he prepared to drive off.</p> +<p>"Get in, girls," said Mrs. Jimmie, firmly, pushing us in at the +back of the wagon. The man expostulated, not in anger but +appealingly. Mrs. Jimmie would not listen. She said there ought to +be more cabs in Paris, and that she regretted it as much as he did, +but she climbed in as she talked, and gave the address of the +hotel.</p> +<p>"You shall have three times your fare," she said, calmly, "drive +on!"</p> +<p>"But what madame demands is impossible," pleaded the poor man. +"I am on my way for another body. Madame sits in the morgue +wagon!"</p> +<p>But there he was mistaken, for madame sat nowhere. Before he had +done speaking madame was flying through the air, alighting on poor +Jimmie's foot, while Bee and I clawed at our dripping skirts in a +mad effort to follow suit.</p> +<p>The morgue wagon pursued its way down the Rue de Rivoli, while +we risked colds, croup, and everything else in an endeavour to find +a "<i>grand bain</i>," splashing through puddles but marching +steadily on, Jimmie in a somewhat strained silence limping +uncomplainingly at our side.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_III"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> +<br> +<center>STRASBURG AND BADEN-BADEN</center> +<p>We are on our way to the Passion Play, and although each of the +four of us is a monument of amiability when taken individually, as +a quartet we sometimes clash. At present we are fighting over the +route we shall take between Paris and Oberammergau. Bee and Mrs. +Jimmie have replenished their wardrobes in the Rue de la Paix, and +wish to follow the trail of American tourists going to Baden-Baden, +while Jimmie and I, having rooted out of a German student in the +Latin Quarter two or three unknown carriage routes through the +mountains which lead to unknown spots not double starred, starred, +or even mentioned in Baedeker, are wondering how the battle between +clothes and Bohemianism will end.</p> +<p>We arrived at Strasburg still in an amiable wrangle, but all +four agreed on seeing the clock which has made the town famous. Our +time was so limited that there was not, as is often the case, an +opportunity for all four of us to get our own way.</p> +<p>Anybody who did not know her, would imagine by the quiet way +that Bee has let the subject of Baden-Baden alone for the whole +day, that she had quite given up going there, but I know Bee. She +has left Jimmie and me to defend the front of the fortress, while +she is bringing all her troops up in the rear. Bee does not believe +in a charge with plenty of shouting and galloping and noise. Bee's +manoeuvres never raise any dust, but on a flank movement, a +midnight sortie or an ambush, Bee could outgeneral Napoleon and +Alexander and General Grant and every other man who has helped +change the maps of the world. Only by indication and past sad +experience do I know what she is up to. One thing to-day has given +me a clue. I have a necktie—the only really saucy thing about +the whole of my wardrobe, the only distinguishing smartness to my +toilet—upon which Bee has fixed her affection, and which she +means to get away from me. I don't know how I came to buy it in the +first place. However, I sha'n't have it long. Bee is bargaining for +it—that means that we are going to Baden-Baden. She is not +openly bargaining, for that would let me know how much she wants +it, but she has admired it pointedly. She tied my veil on for me +this morning, and even as I write, she is sewing a button on my +glove. Bee in the politest way possible is going to force me to +give her that tie. I wish she wouldn't, for I really need it, but I +must get all the wear I expect to have out of it in the next two +days, for by the end of the week, if these attentions continue, +that Charvet tie will belong to Bee.</p> +<p>Last night, as soon as we arrived and had our dinner, we went to +the Orangerie. This great park with myriads of walks is one of the +most attractive things about Strasburg. A very good band was +playing a Sousa march as we came in and took our seats at one of +the little tables.</p> +<p>But just here let me record something which has surprised me all +during my travels in Europe; and that is the small amount of good +music one hears outside of opera. I have always imagined Germany to +be distinguished equally by her music and her beer. I have not been +disappointed in the beer, for it is there by the tub, but as to the +music, there is not in my opinion in the whole of Germany or +Austria one such as Sousa's, and as to men choruses, not one that I +have heard, and I have followed them closely wherever I heard of +their existence, is to be compared with any of our College Glee +Clubs. In my opinion the casual open-air music of Germany is +another of the disappointments of Europe—to be set down in +the same category with the linden trees of Berlin and the trousers +of the French Army.</p> +<p>German music seems to be too universally indulged in to be good. +It is performed with more earnestness than skill and the programme +is gone through with with more fervour than taste. The musicians of +a typical German band dig through the evening's numbers with the +same dogged perseverance and perspiration that they would exercise +in tunnelling through a mountain. In this connection I am not +speaking of any of the trained orchestras, but solely of the band +music that one hears all through the Rhine land. It is only +tradition that Germans are the most musical people in the world, +for in my opinion the rank and file of Germans have no ear for key. +That they listen well and perform earnestly is perfectly true. That +they respect music and give it proper attention is equally true, +but that they know the difference between a number performed with +no expression, with one or two instruments or voices, as the case +may be, entirely out of pitch, and the same number correctly +rendered, is impossible to believe by one who has watched them as +carefully as I.</p> +<p>Sousa once made the statement to the American Press that in his +opinion the American nation was the most musical nation in the +world. He based this astonishing belief, which was violently +attacked by the German-American Press, upon his observation of his +audiences and by the street music, even including whistling and +singing. I agree with his opinion with all my heart. In an American +audience of the most common sort an instrument off the key or +improperly tuned will be sure to be detected. It may be, nay, it +probably is true, that the person so detecting the discord will not +know where the trouble lies or of what it consists, but his ear, +untrained as it is, tells him that something is wrong, and he shows +his discomfort and disapproval. I claim that the ordinary +American—the common or garden variety of American—has a +more correct ear than the common or garden variety of German. I +claim that the rank and file in America is for this reason more +truly musical than the same class in the German nation, although +the German nation has a technical knowledge of music which it will +take the Americans a thousand years to equal. For this reason an +open-air concert in America is so much more enjoyable both from the +numbers selected and the spirit of their playing, that the two +performances are not to be mentioned in the same day.</p> +<p>A criticism which the wayfaring man will whip out to floor me at +this point, viz., that nearly all performers in American bands are +Germans, will not cause me to wink an eyelash, for the effect of +American audiences on German performers has raised the standard of +their music so that I am informed by Germans and Austrians that the +most annoying, irritating, and insulting factor in their otherwise +peaceful lives is the return of a German-American to his native +heath. They tell me that his arrogance and conceit are +unbearable—that he claims that Americans alone know how to +make practical use of the technical knowledge of the +German—that the Teuton gathers the knowledge, the Yankee +applies it. This goes to prove my point.</p> +<p>We Americans are a curious people. We get better music under our +own vine and fig-tree than they have anywhere else in the world but +we don't know it. There is no such band on earth as Sousa's, no +better orchestra than Theodore Thomas's or the Boston Symphony, and +we hear the Metropolitan and French operas.</p> +<p>Take also our chamber music and from that come down to our +street ballads, and then to the whistling and singing heard in the +streets, with no thought of audience or even listeners.</p> +<p>I have followed German music closely, and I claim that German +musicians, or rather let me say German producers of music, lack ear +just about half of the time. Their students cannot compare with our +college singing, their pedestrian parties, which one meets all +through the country, singing, often from notes (and if you take the +trouble to inquire, they will frequently tell you with pride that +they belong to such and such a singing society) almost drive +sensitive ears crazy. But they love it—they adore music, they +take such comfort out of it, that one is forced to forgive this +lack of ear and this polyglot pitch, or else be considered a +churl.</p> +<p>The Orangerie has, however, a very good average band—for +Germany. The picture of the great crowd of people gathered at +little tables around the band-stand, whole families together; of a +tiny boy baby, just able to toddle around, being dragged about by +an enormous St. Bernard dog, whose chain the baby tugged at most +valiantly; the long dim avenues under the trees where an occasional +young couple lost themselves from fathers and mothers; the music; +the cheerful beer-drinking; the general air of rosy-cheeked +contentment has formed in my mind a most agreeable recollection of +the Orangerie of Strasburg.</p> +<p>Strasburg has, however, much more to boast of than her clock. +The city was founded by the Romans, and in the middle ages was one +of the most powerful of the free cities of the German Empire, on +the occasions of imperial processions her citizens enjoying the +proud distinction of having their banner borne second only to the +imperial eagle.</p> +<p>Then, because of its strategical importance, in a time of peace, +Louis XIV. of France seized the city of Strasburg, and this +delicate attention on his part was confirmed by the Peace of +Ryswick in 1679, thereby giving Strasburg to France. The French +kept it nearly two hundred years, but Germany got it back at the +Peace of Frankfort, 1871, and it is now the capital of German +Alsace and Lorraine.</p> +<p>I never think of Alsace and Lorraine that I do not recall the +statue in the Place de la Concorde, with gay coloured wreaths +looking more like a festival of joy than mourning,—in fact I +never think of Paris mourning for anything, from a relative to a +dead dog, that I can keep my countenance.</p> +<p>On the Jour des Morts, I once went to the Père-Lachaise +and found in the family lot of a duchesse with a grand name, a +stuffed dog of the rare old breed known as mongrel. In America he +would have slouched at the heels of a stevedore—or any sort +of a man who shuffles in his walk and smokes a short black pipe. +But this yellow cur was in a glass case mounted on a marble +pedestal, and his yellowness in life was represented by a coat of +small yellow beads put on in patches where the hair had +disappeared. His yellow glass eyes peered staringly at the +passer-by and his tomb was literally heaped with expensive +<i>couronnes</i> tied with long streamers of crape, while +<i>couronnes</i> on the grass-grown tomb of the defunct husband of +the duchesse, buried in the back of the lot behind the dog, were +conspicuous by their absence. I wondered if the widow took this +ingenious method of publishing to the world that in life her +husband had been less to her than her dog.</p> +<p>Paris crape is this slippery, shiny sort of stuff, like thin +haircloth—the kind they used to cover furniture with. It is +made up into "costumes" which have such an air of fashion that the +deceased relative is instantly forgotten in one's interest in the +cut and fit of the gown. A butterfly of a bonnet, a tiny face veil +coming just to the tip of the nose, with the long one in the back +sweeping almost to the ground, completes a picture of such a jaunty +grief, such a saucy sorrow, that one would be quite willing to lose +one or two distant relatives in order to be clad in such a +manner.</p> +<p>The University of Strasburg changed its nationality as often as +the town, but not at the same time. In one of its German periods +Goethe graduated there as doctor of laws—which fact ought to +be better known. At least <i>I</i> didn't know it. But Bee says +that doesn't signify, because I know so little. But Bee only says +that when she has asked me some stupid date that nobody ever knows +or ever did know except in a history class.</p> +<p>The next day after our evening at the Orangerie, at half after +eleven, we went to the Cathedral to see the clock. It only performs +all its functions at noon, and as there is always a crowd of +tourists about it, we went early.</p> +<p>The most wonderful feature of this clock to Jimmie is that it +regulates itself and adapts its motions to the revolutions of the +seasons, year after year and year after year, as if it had a +wonderful living human mind somewhere in its insides. Its perpetual +calendar, too, is a marvel! How can that insensate clock tell when +to put twenty-eight days and when to give thirty-one, when I can't +even do it myself without saying:</p> +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>"Thirty days hath September,</p> +<p>April, June, and November,</p> +<p>All the rest have thirty-one,</p> +<p>Except February alone,</p> +<p>Which has but twenty-eight in fine</p> +<p>Till leap-year gives it twenty-nine."</p> +</div> +</div> +<p>And who tells that clock when leap year comes, and when the moon +changes, and when it's going to rain, and when hoop-skirts will be +worn again? Wonderful people, these Germans.</p> +<p>We were there on Monday when the clock struck noon. Monday is +the day when Diana steps out upon the first gallery. Each day has +its deity—Apollo on Sunday, Diana on Monday, etc.</p> +<p>On the first gallery an angel strikes the quarters on a bell in +his little mechanical hand. Then a gentleman who has nothing else +to do the whole year round reverses an hour-glass each hour in the +twenty-four; so that you can tell the time by counting the grains +of sand or by glancing at the face of the clock,—whichever +way you have been brought up to tell time.</p> +<p>Above this there is a skeleton, which strikes the hours, and +evidently cheerfully reminds us what our end will be, around which +are grouped the quarter-hours, represented by the four figures, +boyhood, youth, manhood, and old age.</p> +<p>But the two most remarkable things are those which crown the +clock. In the highest niche, at noon, the twelve apostles, also +representing the hours, come out of a door and march around the +figure of the Saviour. Judas hangs his head, and the eyes of the +Christ follow him until he disappears. Then on the highest pinnacle +of all, a cock comes out, preens himself, flaps his wings, and +gives such an exultant crow that Peter pauses in his walk, then +drops his head forward on his breast, and so passes out of +sight.</p> +<p>When the performance is over, the crowd melts away. Some few +stay to do the Cathedral, but we went to luncheon. At luncheon it +was decided to go to Baden-Baden. Jimmie and I compromised on three +days of it.</p> +<p>There is nothing particularly interesting about the journey +thither. When you come to the village of Oos, you get off the train +and take a little train which is waiting on a siding, and in less +than five minutes, before you have time to sit down, in fact, you +are at Baden, at the entrance of the Black Forest, and find it +beautiful.</p> +<p>It was the height of the season and we went to a very smart +hotel, where they have very badly dressed people, because nearly +everybody there except us had money and titles.</p> +<p>Now the height of the season at any watering-place depresses me. +If I could wear fern seed in my shoes to make me invisible, and sit +on the <i>piazza</i> railing in a shirt-waist and a short skirt, I +would love it. But both Bee and Mrs. Jimmie, with the light of +heaven in their eyes, pulled out and put on their most be-yew-tiful +Paris clothes, and if I do say it of my sister—well, for +modesty's sake, I will only say that Mrs. Jimmie looked ripping. +<i>I</i> was happily travelling with a steamer trunk and a big +hat-box, and had hitherto rejoiced that my lack of clothes would +prevent my being obliged to dress. I thought perhaps Jimmie and I +would be allowed to roam about hunting little queer restaurants +like Old Tom's or the Cheshire Cheese. But when Jimmie's boyish +face appeared over a white expanse of tucked shirt front, I sank +down in a dejected heap.</p> +<p>"And thou, Brutus?" I said.</p> +<p>"Couldn't help it," he answered, laconically. "We'd better give +in handsomely for three days. It'll pay us in the end. Get into +your 'glad rags' and be good."</p> +<p>"But I didn't bring my 'glad rags,'" I said.</p> +<p>Just then Bee looked around from fastening a lace butterfly in +her hair on a jewelled spiral.</p> +<p>"I had two extra trays in my trunk and I put a few of your +things in. Would you like to wear your lace gown? You've never even +tried it on."</p> +<p>My mouth flew open, contrary to politeness and my excellent +bringing-up. Jimmie collapsed with a silent grin, while I meekly +followed Bee into my room.</p> +<p>When I saw my new gown all full of rolls of tissue-paper, packed +by poor dear Bee, I went to my trunk and pulled out my smart +Charvet tie. I handed it to her in silence.</p> +<p>"Take it," I said. "I hate to give it up, but you deserve +it."</p> +<p>Bee accepted it gratefully.</p> +<p>"It's good of you to give it to me," she said. "You really need +it more than I do, only this peculiar shade of blue is so becoming +to me. I'll tell you what I'll do though," she added, heroically. +"I'll <i>lend</i> it to you whenever you want it."</p> +<p>I thanked her, dressed, and then humbly trailed down to dinner +in the wake of my gorgeous party.</p> +<p>Jimmie had engaged a table on the piazza, nearest the street and +commanding the best view of all the other diners. I very willingly +sat with my back to all the people, with the panorama of the +Lichtenthaler Strasse passing before my eyes, and in quiet moments +the sounds of the great military band playing on the promenade in +front of the <i>Conversationshaus</i> coming to our ears.</p> +<p>A great deal of grandeur always makes me homesick. It isn't +envy. I don't want to be a princess and have the bother of winding +a horn for my outriders when I want to run to the drug-store for +postage stamps, but pomp depresses me. Everybody was strange, +foreign languages were pelting me from the rear, noiseless flunkies +were carrying pampered lap-dogs with crests on their nasty little +embroidered blankets, fat old women with epilepsy and gouty old men +with scrofula, representing the aristocracy at its best, were being +half carried to and from tables, and the degeneracy of noble Europe +was being borne in upon my soul with a sickening force.</p> +<p>The purple twilight was turning black on the distant hills, and +the silent stars were slowly coming into view. Clean, health-giving +Baden-Baden, in the Valley of the Oos, with its beauty and its pure +air, was holding out her arms to all the disease and filth that +degenerate riches produce.</p> +<p>I wasn't exactly blue, but I was gently melancholy. Jimmie was +smoking, and Bee and Mrs. Jimmie had their heads together, casting +politely furtive glances at a table which held royalty. I certainly +<i>was</i> feeling neglected.</p> +<p>Suddenly a voice in English at my elbow said:</p> +<p>"Pardon me, madame, but were not you at the Grand Hotel at Rome +last winter?"</p> +<p>"Yes," I said.</p> +<p>"I mean no impertinence in addressing you. I am the head waiter +there in winter, here in summer. I remembered you at once, and I +came to say that if anything goes wrong with any of your +distinguished party during your stay, I shall count it a favour if +you will permit me to remedy it. The hotel is at your disposal. I +will send a private maid to attend you during your stay. I hope you +will be happy here, madame."</p> +<p>Then with a bow he was gone.</p> +<p>I was in a state of exhilaration inside which threatened to +break through at the sudden attentions of my party.</p> +<p>"Who's your friend?" said Jimmie.</p> +<p>"How nice of him!" commented his wife.</p> +<p>"Servants never remember me, yet I always fee better than you +do," complained Bee.</p> +<p>"Console yourself. It is only porters and head waiters who care +whether I am happy or not," I said, bitterly.</p> +<p>"Deary me!" said Jimmie, sitting up. "Come, let's get out of +this. We must walk her over where she'll hear some music and see +some pretty lights or she'll drown herself in her bath +to-morrow."</p> +<p>We went, we promenaded, we showed our clothes, and came home +smirking with satisfaction. We had been pointed out everywhere for +Americans, which spoke volumes for our clothes and the smallness of +our feet.</p> +<p>During two mortal weeks we stayed at Baden-Baden, taking the +baths, improving our German and driving through the Black Forest +and the Oos Valley to the green hills beyond.</p> +<p>Then on one happy day we were all packed to go. We sent our +trunks down, saw every drawer emptied, pulled the bed to pieces, +looked under it and decided that <i>this</i> time we hadn't left so +much as a pin. Bee stuck her "<i>blaue cravatte</i>," as we now +called the necktie, under the bureau mat to put on when we came up, +and then we snatched a hasty luncheon. In the meantime we turned +our "private maid" and the chambermaid loose to see if we had +overlooked anything.</p> +<p>When we came up they were still rummaging, but had found +nothing.</p> +<p>Bee hurried to the bureau and looked under the mat. No tie. She +asked the two women. They had not seen it. Then everybody hunted. +Jimmie swore we had packed it. But Bee's gray eyes turned to green +as she watched the flurried movements of the two maids. She walked +up to them.</p> +<p>"Give me that blue necktie," she said, in awful German.</p> +<p>At that Jimmie, who hates a row when it is not of his own +making, interfered and insisted that we must have packed +it—he remembered numbers of times when we had made a fuss +over nothing—it was of no account anyway, and if we would +only come along and not miss the train he would send back to +Charvet and get Bee another "<i>blaue cravatte</i>."</p> +<p>"For heaven's sake, take that man downstairs," I said to Mrs. +Jimmie, "and let us manage this affair."</p> +<p>So poor Jimmie was whisked from the scene of action, still +protesting and gesticulating, and being soothed but marched +steadily onward by his wife.</p> +<p>When we came down we were heated but unsuccessful. I insisted +upon reporting the affair to my friend the head waiter. He almost +went back on his devotion to me in his assurances that those maids +were honest. Then Jimmie had to come up and interfere, and those +two men decided that we had packed it.</p> +<p>Bee was in a cold ladylike fury.</p> +<p>We gave all the servants double fees to assure them that +meanness had not prompted the search, and got into the +carriage.</p> +<p>"Remember," said Bee, "I claim that one of those women has that +tie in her pocket now, because all four of us looked every inch of +the rooms over together. I advise you to have them searched. On the +other hand I will telegraph you from Nuremberg if I find it in my +trunks."</p> +<p>We had half an hour before the train left. Bee, who was riding +backward, kept looking out down the road whence we had come with a +curious expression on her face. Jimmie, in spite of warning +pressures from his wife's foot, kept sputtering about women's poor +memories, etc. Bee didn't even seem to hear.</p> +<p>Presently, in a cloud of dust, up drove one of the men from the +hotel, with a little package in his hand.</p> +<p>"<i>Blaue cravatte,</i>" he said, bowing.</p> +<p>"Where did you find it?" demanded Mrs. Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Between the mattress and the springs of the bed. Madame must +have put it there to press it."</p> +<p>Jimmie looked sheepish and put us into the train with a red +face. Bee simply slipped the tie into her satchel and put on her +travelling-cap without a word, and began to read. Bee never nags or +crows.</p> +<p>So much for Baden-Baden.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_IV"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> +<br> +<center>STUTTGART, NUREMBERG, AND BAYREUTH</center> +<p>We had planned to go to Stuttgart next, but as we were nearing +the town, Bee pushed up her veil and said:</p> +<p>"I don't see why we are going to Stuttgart. I never heard of it +except in connection with men who 'studied' in Stuttgart. What's +there, Jimmie? An Academy?"</p> +<p>"I should say," said Jimmie, waking up. "The Academy where +Schiller studied."</p> +<p>"That's very interesting," I broke in, "but it's hardly enough +to keep <i>me</i> there very long. Are there any queer little +places—"</p> +<p>"Any concert-gardens?" asked Bee.</p> +<p>"Are the hotels good?" asked his wife.</p> +<p>"There is one hotel called Hotel Billfinger, which I'd like to +try, because Mark Twain's guide in 'Innocents Abroad' was named +Billfinger. Remember?"</p> +<p>"He afterwards called him Ferguson, which I think is against the +name and against the hotel," I said. "Why do we stop except to +break the journey?"</p> +<p>"Well, the real reason," said Jimmie, with that timid air of +his, "is because Baedeker says that in the Royal Library there are +7,200 Bibles in more than one hundred languages, and I thought if +you stayed by them long enough you might get enough religion so +that you would be less wearing on my nerves as a travelling +companion. It wouldn't take you long to master them. While you are +studying, the rest of us will refresh ourselves in the +Stadt-Garten, where Bee will find a band, where I shall find a +restaurant, and where my wife can ponder over Baedeker's choice +information of the places where it is not proper to take a +lady."</p> +<p>Nobody pays any attention to Jimmie, so we all stared out of the +windows to see that the town was beautifully situated, almost upon +the Neckar, and surrounded by such vine-clad hills and green wooded +heights as to make it seem like a painting.</p> +<p>But Bee was still unconvinced.</p> +<p>"It is the capital of Nuremberg and used to be the favourite +residence of the Dukes of Nuremberg," said Mrs. Jimmie, as we drove +up to the hotel, not the Billfinger, let me remark in passing.</p> +<p>We found a band for Bee, and in the course of our stay in +Stuttgart we heard any number of men's choruses, students' singing +and the like. There was, too, the Museum of Art, and a fine one. +There was also a lovely view, from the Eugen-Platz, of the city +which lies below it. But after all, the Schloss-Garten and concerts +to the contrary notwithstanding, there is an atmosphere about the +law schools, museums, and collections of Stuttgart, which led +frivolous pleasure-seekers like us to depart on the second day, for +Nuremberg.</p> +<p>Jimmie has a curious way of selecting hotels. As the train +neared that quaintest of old cities, toward which my heart warms +anew as I think of it, he broke the silence as though we had held a +long and heated argument on the matter.</p> +<p>"You might as well cease this useless discussion. I have decided +to go to the Wittelsbacher Hof, Pfannenschmiedsgasse 22."</p> +<p>"Good heavens!" I murmured.</p> +<p>"There you go, <i>arguing!</i>" cried Jimmie. "But can't you see +the advantages of all those extra letters on your note-paper when +you write home?"</p> +<p>"Besides, it's a very good hotel, I've been told," said his +wife, affably.</p> +<p>It <i>was</i> a very good hotel, and there was a lunch-room +half-way up the main flight of stairs at the right as you enter, +which I remember with peculiar pleasure. Travellers like us may +well be excused for remembering a first luncheon such as that which +we had at the Wittelsbacher Hof.</p> +<p>Then we all strolled out in the early summer twilight and took +our first look at Nuremberg. Tell me if you can why we went into +such ecstasies over Nuremberg and stayed there two weeks, when we +could barely persuade ourselves to remain one day in Stuttgart. But +the picturesqueness of Nuremberg is particularly enticing. The +streets run "every which way," as the children say, and the +architecture is so queer and ancient that the houses look as if +they had stepped out of old prints.</p> +<p>It was so hot when we arrived that we were on terms of the most +distant civility with each other. Indeed, it was dangerous to make +the simplest observation, for the other three guns were trained +upon the inoffensive speaker with such promptness and such an +evident desire to fight that for the most part we maintained a +dignified but safe silence.</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie bearded Jimmie in his den long enough to ask him to +see about our opera tickets at once. Everybody said we could not +get any, but trust Jimmie! The agent of whom he bought them had +embroidered a generous romance of how he had got them of a lady who +ordered them the January before, but whose husband having just +died, her feelings would not permit her to use them, and so as a +great accommodation, etc., etc.</p> +<p>Everybody knows these stories. Suffice it to say that Jimmie +really had, at the last moment, secured admirable seats near the +middle of the house, and everybody said it was a miracle. In +looking back over the experiences of that one opera of "Parsifal," +I cannot deny that there was something of a miracle about it. +However, "Parsifal" was three days distant, and Nuremberg was at +hand.</p> +<p>I love to think of Nuremberg. The recollection of it comes back +to me again and again through a gentle haze of happy memories. The +narrow streets were lined with houses which leaned toward each +other after the gossipy manner of old friends whose confidence in +each other is established. The windows jutted queerly, and odd +balconies looped themselves on corners where no one expected them. +They call these pretty old houses the best examples of domestic +architecture, but warn you that the quaint peaked roofs are Gothic +and the surprises are Renaissance—a mixture of which purists +do not approve. But I am a pagan. I like mixtures. They give you +little flutters of delight in your heart, and one of the most +satisfactory of experiences is not to be able to analyse your +emotions or to tell why you are pleased, but to feel at liberty to +answer art questions with "Just because!"</p> +<p>So Nuremberg. Its fortifications are rugged and strong. Its +towers imposing. It dates back to the Huns. Frederick Barbarossa +frequently occupied the castle which frowns down on you from the +heights. Hans Sachs, the poet, sang here. Albrecht Durer painted +here. Peter Vischer perhaps dreamed out the noble original of my +beautiful King Arthur here.</p> +<p>From the quaint and awkward statues of saints and heroes in +church and state, to such delicate examples of sculpture as the +figure of the Virgin in the Hirschelgasse, so delicate and graceful +that it was once attributed to an Italian master, you realise how +early the arts were established here and how sedulously they were +pursued. Everywhere are works of art, from the cruder decorations +over doorways and windows to the paintings of Durer in the Germanic +Museum. It is a sad reflection to me that most of Durer's work, and +all of his masterpieces, are in other cities—Munich, Berlin, +and Vienna, and that, as it is in Greece, only their fame remains +to glorify the city of his birth.</p> +<p>His statue, copied from a portrait painted by himself, stands in +the Albrecht-Durer Platz, and in his little house are copies of his +masterpieces and a collection of typical antique German furniture +and utensils. The exquisite art of glass-staining is the suitable +occupation of the custodian who shows you about the house.</p> +<p>Indeed, wood carving, glass staining, engraving of medals and +medallions, copying ancient cabinets and quaint furniture are, if +not the principal, at least the most interesting occupations +pursued in Nuremberg to-day. In searching out the little shops I +also found that table linen, superbly embroidered and decorated +with drawn-work of intricate patterns was here in a bewildering +display.</p> +<p>Dear Nuremberg! A stroll through your lovely streets is a feast +for the eye and a whip to the imagination that no other city in the +German Empire can duplicate or approach. You abound in quaint +doorways, over which if I step, I find myself transplanted to the +scenes of tapestries and old prints, and I can easily imagine +myself framed and hanging on the wall quite comfortable and +happy.</p> +<p>One of these tiny doorways led us, on a bright Sunday afternoon, +into one of the oddest places we ever saw. It was the +Bratwurst-Glocklein—such a restaurant as Doctor Johnson would +have deserted the Cheshire Cheese for, and revelled in the +change.</p> +<p>It appeared to be a thousand years old. Perhaps Melanchthon +expounded the theories of the Reformation on the very benches on +which we sat.</p> +<p>The door-sill was high, and we stepped over it on to a stone +floor, the flagging of which was sunken in many places, causing +pitfalls to the unwary. The room was small and only half lighted by +infinitesimal windows. One end of the room was given up to what +appeared to be a charcoal furnace built of bricks, over which in +plain view buxom maids, whose red cheeks were purple from the heat, +were frying delicious little sausages in strings. We squeezed +ourselves into a narrow bench behind one of the tables whose +rudeness was picturesque. I have seen schoolboy desks at Harrow and +Eton worn to the smoothness of these tables here and carved as +deeply with names. There was not a vestige of a cloth or napkins. +The plates and knives and forks were rude enough to bear out the +surroundings. In fact, the clumsiness and apparent age of +everything almost transported us, in imagination, to the stone age, +but the sensation was delightful.</p> +<p>One of the maids brought a string of sausages sizzling hot from +the pan and deftly snipped off as many as were called for upon each +of our plates. We drank our beer from steins so heavy that each one +took both hands. A person with a mouth of the rosebud variety would +have found it exceedingly difficult to obtain any of the beer, the +stein presenting such unassailable fortifications.</p> +<p>It was too hot when we were there to appreciate to the full this +delicious old spot, but on a winter evening, after the theatre, +which closes about ten o'clock, think what a delightful thing it +would be, O ye Bohemian Americans, with fashionable wives who +insist upon the Waldorf or Sherry's after the theatre, to go +instead to the Bratwurst-Glocklein! There you smoke at your ease, +put your elbows on the table and dream dreams of your student days +when the dinner coat vexed not your peaceful spirit.</p> +<p>Owing to our late arrival and the enormous crowd of people at +Bayreuth, we found it expedient to remain in Nuremberg and go up to +Bayreuth for the opera. The day of our performance of "Parsifal" +was one of the hottest of the year. Not even Philadelphia can boast +of heat more consolidated and unswerving than that of North Germany +on this particular day.</p> +<p>We put on muslin dresses and carried fans and smelling salts, +and Jimmie had to use force to make us carry wraps for the return. +The journey, lovely in itself, was rendered hideous to us by the +heat, but when we arrived at Bayreuth the babel of English voices +was so delightfully homelike, American clothes on American women +were so good to see, and Bayreuth itself was so picturesque, that +we forgot the heat and drove to the opera-house full of +delight.</p> +<p>I am sorry that it is fashionable to like Wagner, for I really +should like to explain the feelings of perfect delight which +tingled in my blood as I realised that I was in the home of German +opera—in the city where the master musician lived and wrote, +and where his widow and son still maintain their unswerving +faithfulness toward his glorious music. I am a little sensitive, +too, about admitting that I like Carlyle and Browning. I suppose +this is because I have belonged to a Browning and Carlyle club, +where I have heard some of the most idiotic women it was ever my +privilege to encounter, express glib sentiments concerning these +masters, which in me lay too deep for utterance. It is something +like the occasional horror which overpowers me when I think that +perhaps I am doomed to go to heaven. If certain people here on +earth upon whom I have lavished my valuable hatred are going there, +heaven is the last place I should want to inhabit. So with +Wagner.</p> +<p>"Parsifal!" That sacred opera which has never been performed +outside of this little hamlet. I was to see it at last!</p> +<p>I was prepared to be delighted with everything, and the +childishness of the little maid who took charge of our hats before +we went in to the opera charmed me. My hat was heavy and hot, and I +particularly disliked it, owing to the weight of the seagull which +composed one entire side of it, and always pulled it crooked on my +head. The little maid took the hat in both her arms, laid her round +red cheek against the soft feathers of the gull, kissed its glass +bead eyes, and smilingly said in German:</p> +<p>"This is the finest hat that has been left in my charge +to-day!"</p> +<p>Verily, the opera of "Parsifal" began auspiciously. Quite puffed +up with vainglorious pride over the little maiden's admiration of +one of my modest possessions, while Bee's and Mrs. Jimmie's +ravishing masterpieces had received not even a look, we met Jimmie +bustling up with programmes and opera-glasses, and went toward the +main entrance. We showed our tickets, and were sent to the side +door. We went to the side door, and were sent to the back door. At +the back door, to our indignation, we were sent up-stairs. In vain +Jimmie expostulated, and said that these seats were well in the +middle of the house on the ground floor. The doorkeepers were +inexorable. On the second floor, they sent us to the third, and on +the third they would have sent us to the roof if there had been any +way of getting up there. As it was, they permitted us to stop at +the top gallery, and, to our unmitigated horror, the usher said +that our seats were there. Jimmie was furious, but I, not knowing +how much he had paid for them, endeavoured to soothe him by +pointing out that all true musicians sat in the gallery, because +music rises and blends in the rising.</p> +<p>"We are sure to get the best effect up here, Jimmie, and those +front rows, especially, if our seats happen to be in the middle, +won't be at all bad. Don't let's fuss any more about it, but come +along like an angel."</p> +<p>I will admit, however, that even my ardour was dampened when we +discovered that our seats were absolutely in the back and top row, +so that we leaned against the wall of the building, and were not +even furnished with chairs, but sat on a hard bench without relief +of any description.</p> +<p>And the price Jimmie hurled at us that he had paid for those +tickets! I am ashamed to tell it.</p> +<p>Now Jimmie hates German opera in the most picturesque fashion. +He hates in every form, colour, and key, and in all my life I was +never so sorry for any one as I was for Jimmie that day at +Bayreuth. The heat was stifling, his rage choked him and +effectually prevented his going to sleep, as otherwise he might +have done in peace and quiet. He sat there in such a steam and fury +that it was truly pitiable. He went out once to get a breath of +air, and they turned the lights out before he could get back, so +that he stumbled over people, and one man kicked him. With that +Jimmie stepped on the German's other foot, and they swore at each +other in two languages and got hissed by the people around them. +When he finally got back to us, we found it expedient not to make +any remarks at all, and I was glad it was too dark for him to see +our faces.</p> +<p>Yet, in spite of Jimmie and the heat and the ache in our backs +and the hard unyielding bench, that afternoon at "Parsifal" is one +of the experiences of a lifetime.</p> +<p>People tell us now that we were there on an "Off day." By that +they mean that no singers with great names took part. How like +Americans to think of that! Germans go to the opera for the music. +Americans go to hear and see the operatic stars.</p> +<p>Happily unvexed by my ignorance, I heard a perfect "Parsifal" +without knowing that, from an American point of view, I ought not +to have been so delighted. The orchestra was conducted by Siegfried +Wagner, and Madame Wagner sat in full view from even our eyrie.</p> +<p>And then—the opera! Perfection in every detail! I believed +then that not even the Passion Play could hold my spirit, so in +leash with its symbolism, its deep devotion, and its enthralling +charms.</p> +<p>The day on which I saw "Parsifal" at Bayreuth was a day to be +marked with a white stone.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_V"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> +<br> +<center>THE PASSION PLAY</center> +<p>Jimmie came into the sitting-room this morning (for, by +travelling with the Jimmies, Bee and I can be very grand, and share +the luxury of a third room with them), but I suspected him from the +moment I saw his face. It was too innocent to be natural.</p> +<p>"What you got, Jimmie?" I said. Jimmie's manner of life invites +abbreviated conversation.</p> +<p>"Only the letter from the Burgomeister of Oberammergau, +assigning our lodgings," he replied, carelessly. He yawned and put +the letter in his pocket.</p> +<p>"Oh, Jimmie!" we all cried out. "Have they—"</p> +<p>"Have they what?" asked Jimmie, opening his eyes.</p> +<p>"Don't be an idiot," I said, savagely. "You know I have hardly +been able to sleep, wondering if we'd have to go to ordinary +lodgings or if they would assign us to some of the leading actors +in the play. Tell us! Let me see the letter!"</p> +<p>"Now wait a minute," said Jimmie, and then I knew that he was +going to be exasperating.</p> +<p>"Don't you let him fool you," said Bee, who always doubts +everybody's good intentions and discounts their bad ones, which +worthy plan of life permits her to count up at the end of the year +only half as many mental bruises as I, let me pause to remark. "You +know that not one in ten thousand has influence enough to obtain +lodgings with the chief actors, and who are <i>we</i>, I should +like to know, except in our own estimation?"</p> +<p>"Well," said Jimmie, meekly, "in the estimation of the +Burgomeister of Oberammergau, my wife is an American princess, +travelling incognito as plain Mrs. Jimmie, to avoid being mobbed by +entertainers. He promises in solemn German, which I had Franz +translate, not to betray her disguise."</p> +<p>"That makes a prince of <i>you</i>, Jimmie," I said, sternly. "A +pretty looking prince <i>you</i> are."</p> +<p>"Not at all," said Jimmie modestly. "I felt that I could not do +the princely act very long either as to looks or fees, so I said +that the princess had made a morganatic marriage, and that I was +it."</p> +<p>"Jimmie!" said his wife, blushing scarlet. "How <i>could</i> +you? Why, a morganatic marriage isn't respectable. It's +left-handed."</p> +<p>"My love! You are thinking of a broomstick marriage. Trust me. +We are still legally married, and if I should try to sneak out of +my obligations to you by this performance, I should still be liable +in the eyes of the law for your debts. Let that console you."</p> +<p>"But—" said Mrs. Jimmie, still blushing, "by this plan +they won't let us be together, will they?"</p> +<p>"They wouldn't anyway, as I discovered from their first letter. +We are all to be lodged separately, and from the tone of that first +letter, in which they addressed me as their prince, I hit on the +morganatic marriage as more economical in letting him down easy, +without telling him I had lied or having to pay for my lie," said +Jimmie, with timid appeal in his innocent blue eyes.</p> +<p>"But where do I come in, Jimmie?" I said, impatiently.</p> +<p>"You come in with Judas Iscariot. Where you belong!" said +Jimmie, severely.</p> +<p>Bee howled. Mrs. Jimmie looked startled.</p> +<p>"Nonsense!" I said, indignantly. "That is going a little too +far. I won't be put there. I believe you asked 'em on purpose, just +so that you could crow over me afterward."</p> +<p>"You are getting slightly mixed," said Jimmie, politely. "If you +mention crowing, 'tis Peter you ought to have been lodged +with."</p> +<p>"What a fool you are, Jimmie!"</p> +<p>Jimmie gave an ecstatic bounce. Whenever he has completely +exasperated anybody he simply beams with joy.</p> +<p>"Where have they put me, Jimmie?" asked Bee.</p> +<p>"They have thoughtfully assigned you to Thomas,—last name +not mentioned,—where you can sit down and hold regular +doubting conventions with each other and both have the time of your +lives."</p> +<p>"I don't believe you!"</p> +<p>"Look and see, O doubtful—doubting one, I mean!"</p> +<p>"My word! He is telling the truth!" cried Bee in +astonishment.</p> +<p>"I tried to get—" began Jimmie to his wife, but she +stopped him.</p> +<p>"Don't, dear," she said, gently. "You know I love your jokes, +but don't be sacrilegious. Leave His name out of this nonsense. +I—I couldn't quite bear that."</p> +<p>Jimmie got up and kissed her.</p> +<p>"They have lodged you with the Virgin Mary, sweetheart, and the +two most lovely Marys in the world will be in the same house +together," he said.</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie blushed and smoothed Jimmie's riotous hair +tenderly.</p> +<p>"And have they separated you and me, dear? Where have they +lodged you?"</p> +<p>"I have secured an apartment with Mary Magdalene—in her +house, I mean!" said Jimmie, straightening up.</p> +<p>Bee and I shrieked. Jimmie edged toward the door.</p> +<p>"Jimmie!" said his wife in horror. "<i>Please</i> +don't—"</p> +<p>"Don't what?"</p> +<p>His wife rose from her chair and turned away.</p> +<p>"Don't what?" he repeated.</p> +<p>"I was only going to say," said Mrs. Jimmie, "don't make a joke +of every—"</p> +<p>"Well, if you don't want me to go there, I'll trade places with +the scribe and put <i>her</i> with the lady who is generally +represented reclining on the ground in a blue dress improving her +mind by reading. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable if I +lodged with Judas?"</p> +<p>"No, indeed! and put <i>her</i> with Mary Magdalene?" said Mrs. +Jimmie, whose serious turn of mind was as a well-spring in a +thirsty land to Jimmie.</p> +<p>"My dear," he said, impressively, with his hand on the +door-knob. "Two things seem to have escaped your mind. One is that +this is only play-acting, and the other is that Mary Magdalene, +when history let go of her, was a reformed character anyway."</p> +<p>The door slammed. We both looked expectantly at Mrs. Jimmie. Her +apologies for Jimmie's most delicious impertinences are so sincere +and her sense of humour so absolutely wanting that we love her +almost as dearly as we love Jimmie.</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie, large, placid, fair and beautiful as a Madonna, +rose and looked doubtfully at us after Jimmie had fled.</p> +<p>"You mustn't mind his—what he said or implied," she said, +the colour again rising in her creamy cheeks. "Jimmie never +realises how things will sound, or I think he wouldn't—or I +don't know—" She hesitated between her desire to clear Jimmie +and her absolute truthfulness. She changed the conversation by +coming over to me and laying her hand tenderly on my hair.</p> +<p>"You are <i>sure</i>, dear, that you don't mind lodging with +Judas Iscariot?"</p> +<p>Bee stuffed her handkerchief into her mouth and politely turned +her back. I bit my lip. It hurts her feelings to be laughed at.</p> +<p>"Not a bit, Mrs. Jimmie. I shall love it."</p> +<p>"Because I was going to say that if you did, I would gladly +exchange with you, and you could lodge with Mary."</p> +<p>"Mrs. Jimmie," I said, "you are an angel. That's what you +are."</p> +<p>"And now," said Bee, cheerfully, who hates sentiment, "let's +pack, for we leave at noon."</p> +<p>I don't apologise for Jimmie's ribald conversation, because many +people, until they have seen the Passion Play, make frivolous +remarks, which would be impossible after viewing it, except to the +totally insensible or irreligious.</p> +<p>Jimmie is irreligious, but not insensible. He really had gone to +no end of trouble to obtain these lodgings for us, and he had +insisted so tenaciously that we must be lodged with the principals +that we were obliged to wait for an extra performance, and live in +Munich meanwhile.</p> +<p>We all four made the journey from Munich to Oberammergau, which +lies in so picturesque a spot in the Bavarian Alps, from very +different motives. Mrs. Jimmie, who is an ardent churchwoman, went +in a spirit of deep devotion. Bee went because one agent told her +that over twelve thousand Americans had been booked through their +company alone. Bee goes to everything that everybody else goes to. +Jimmie went in exactly the same spirit of boyish, alert curiosity +with which, when he is in New York, he goes to each new attraction +at Weber and Field's.</p> +<p>As we got off the train the little town looked like an +exposition, except that there were no exhibits. English, German, +and French spoken constantly, and not infrequently Russian, +Spanish, and Italian assailed our ears the whole time we were +there. Only one thing was characteristic. The native peasants +looked different. The picturesque costume of the Tyrolese men, +consisting of velveteen knee breeches, gay coloured stockings, +embroidered white blouse, and short bolero jacket with gold braid +or fringe, and the Alpine hat, with a pheasant or eagle feather in +it, sat jauntily upon most of the young men, whose bold glances and +sinewy movements suggested their alert, out-of-door life in their +mountain homes. But the Oberammergau peasants walked with a slower +step. Their eyes were meek instead of roving, their smiles tender +instead of saucy, and they say it is all the influence of the +Passion Play, which for over three hundred years has dominated +their lives. No one who commits a crime, or who lives an impure +life, can act in the great drama, nor can any except natives take +part. And as the ambition of every man, woman, and child in +Oberammergau is to form part of this glorious company, the reason +for the purity of their aspect is at once to be seen. No murder, +robbery, or crime of any description has been committed in +Oberammergau for three hundred years.</p> +<p>The peasants of this little mountain village live their whole +lives under the shadow of the cross.</p> +<p>Nor was it long before our little party came under this strange +influence. My own sense of the eternal fitness of things is so +highly developed that I was under the tense strain of nervous +excitement which always wrecks me after reading a strong novel or +witnessing a tragic play. I was afraid to see the Passion Play for +two reasons. One that I could not bear to see the Saviour of +mankind personified, and the other that I was afraid that the +audience would misbehave. If I am going to have my emotions +wrenched, I never want any one near me. To my mind the mad King +Ludwig of Bavaria obtained the highest enjoyment possible from +having performances of magnificent merit with himself as the sole +auditor. This world is so mixed anyway, and audiences at any +entertainment so hopelessly beyond my control. Nothing, for +example, makes me feel so murderous as for an audience to go mad +and stamp and kick and howl over a cornet solo with variations, no +matter how ribald, and beg for more of it. And they always +<i>do</i>!</p> +<p>The Passion Play, up to a comparatively few years ago, had comic +characters and scenes, as for instance, there was once a scene in +hell where the Devil, as chief comedian, ripped open the bowels of +Judas and took therefrom a string of sausages. This vulgar and +hideous buffoonery was in the habit of being received with delight +by the peasants from neighbouring hamlets, which, up to fifty years +ago, formed the principal part of the Passion Play audiences.</p> +<p>And as tradition, the handing down of legends from father to +son, forms such a part of the mountaineer's education, I was not +surprised to hear a party of Tyrolese giggle at moments when the +deeper meaning of the play was holding the rest of us in a spell so +tense that it hurt.</p> +<p>I remember in Modjeska's rendition of Frou-frou, when +Frou-frou's lover is breaking her heart, and the strain becomes +almost unbearable, Modjeska's nervous hands tear her valuable lace +handkerchief into bits. It is a piece of inspired acting to make +the discriminating weep, but my friend the audience always giggled +irresistibly, as if the sound of rending lace, when a woman's agony +was the most intense, were a bit of exquisite comedy.</p> +<p>I am constrained to believe, however, that in almost entirely +remodelling the Passion Play, the village priest, Daisenberger, was +not moved by any consideration of what an ignorant audience might +do, but rather by the noble, Oberammergau spirit of a life of +devotion, dedicated to the rewriting, rehearsing, and directing of +the performance.</p> +<p>The history of this man illustrates what I mean by the +Oberammergau spirit. In 1830 he was a young peasant who saw the +possibilities of the Passion Play. He went to the head of the +Monastery at Ettal, and vowed to consecrate his whole life to this +work, if they would make him a priest and permit him to become the +spiritual director of the people of the village. But he was obliged +to study seven years before they gave him the position. He was +seventy years old when he died, having so nobly fulfilled his vow +that he is called "The Shakespeare of the Passion Play." For +forty-five years he superintended every performance and every +public rehearsal, and as these rehearsals take place in some form +or other almost every night during the ten years which intervene +between one performance and another, something of the depth of his +devotion to his beloved task may be gathered.</p> +<p>Jimmie marvelled that he could leave his money and his valuables +around, and his room door unlocked, until they told him that the +street door was never locked either. At this information Jimmie +grew suspicious, and locked his bedroom door, much to the +affliction of the gentle family of Bertha Wolf, who plays Mary +Magdalene. He explained to them that there were plenty of Italian, +French, and English robbers, even if there were no Tyrolese. "And +are there no American robbers?" they asked, simply, to which Jimmie +replied with equal guilelessness that Americans in Europe had no +time to rob other people, they were so busy in being robbed.</p> +<p>"People think we are so very rich, you see," he explained, when +they gazed at him uncomprehendingly. Then he gave the little +brown-eyed boy who clings to his mother's skirt in one of the +tableaux five pfennigs to see him clap his hands twice and bob his +yellow head, which is the way Tyrolese children express their +thanks.</p> +<p>This living in the families of the actors was most interesting, +except for the autograph fiends, who simply mobbed the Christus, +Anton Lang, and Josef Maier, the Christus of the last three +performances, who now takes the part of the speaker of the +prologue. Those dear people were so obliging that no one was ever +refused, consequently thousands of tourists must possess autographs +of most of the principals. Not one of our party asked an autograph +of anybody. I hope they are grateful to us. I should think they +would remember us for that alone.</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie was not at all disturbed by the somewhat wooden and +inadequate acting of Anna Flunger, who plays Mary, and loved, I +believe almost worshipped, that young peasant girl, who walked +bareheaded and with downcast eyes through the streets, or who +waited upon the guests in her father's house with such sweet +simplicity. To Mrs. Jimmie, Anna Flunger was the real Virgin Mary, +so real, indeed, that I believe that Mrs. Jimmie could almost have +prayed to her.</p> +<p>Even Bee was intensely touched by an act of Peter,—for her +lodging was changed to the house of Thomas and Peter Rendl after we +arrived. The father, Thomas Rendl, plays St. Peter, while his son +is again John, the beloved disciple. He played John in 1890, at the +age of seventeen, but they say that there is not a line in his +beautiful, spiritual face to show the flight of time. His large +liquid eyes follow the every movement of the Master's on the stage, +and their expression is so hauntingly beautiful that even Bee +admitted its influence. Bee said that one evening, as they were +sitting around the table, resting for a moment after supper was +finished, the village church bell began to ring for the Angelus. In +an instant the two men and the two women politely made their +excuses and rising, stood in the middle of the room facing +eastward, crossing their hands upon their breasts in silent prayer. +Bee said it was most beautiful to see how simply they performed +this little act of devotion.</p> +<p>I wouldn't let Jimmie know of it for the world, but it has been +quite a trial to me to live in the house with Judas. He plays with +such tremendous power—he makes it seem so real, so close, so +near. Once I asked him if he liked the part, and he broke down and +wept. He said he hated it—that he loathed himself for playing +it, and that his one ambition was to be allowed to play the +Christus for just one time before he died, in order to wipe out the +disgrace of his part as Judas and to cleanse his soul. I cried too, +for I knew that his ambition could never be realised. I told him +that perhaps they would allow him to act the part at a rehearsal, +if he told them of his ambition, and the thought seemed to cheer +him. He said he knew the part perfectly, and had often rehearsed it +in private to comfort his own soul.</p> +<p>Such was his sincerity and grief, such his contrition and +remorse after a performance, that it would not surprise me some day +to know that the part had overpowered him, and that he had actually +hanged himself.</p> +<p>As to the play itself—I wish I need say nothing about it. +My mind, my heart, my soul, have all been wrenched and twisted with +such emotion as is not pleasant to feel nor expedient to speak +about. It was too real, too heart-rending, too awful. I hate, I +abhor myself for feeling things so acutely. I wish I were a +skeptic, a scoffer, an atheist. I wish I could put my mind on the +mechanism of the play. I wish I could believe that it all took +place two thousand years ago. I wish I didn't know that this +suffering on the stage was all actual. I wish I thought these +people were really Tyrolese peasants, wood-carvers and potters, and +that all this agony was only a play. I hate the women who are +weeping all around me. I hate the men who let the tears run down +their cheeks, and whose shoulders heave with their sobs. It is so +awful to see a man cry.</p> +<p>But no, it is all true. It is taking place now. I am one of the +women at the foot of the cross. The anguish, the cries, the sobs +are all actual. They pierce my heart. The cross with its piteous +burden is outlined against the real sky. The green hill beyond is +Calvary. Doves flutter in and out, and butterflies dart across the +shafts of sunlight. The expression of Christ's face is one of +anguish, forgiveness, and pity unspeakable. Then his head drops +forward on his breast. It grows dark. The weeping becomes +lamentation, and as they approach to thrust the spear into His +side, from which I have been told the blood and water really may be +seen to pour forth, I turn faint and sick and close my eyes. It has +gone too far. I no longer am myself, but a disorganised heap of +racked nerves and hysterical weeping, and not even the descent from +the cross, the rising from the dead, nor the triumphant ascension +can console me nor restore my balance.</p> +<p>The Passion Play but once in a lifetime!</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_VI"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> +<br> +<center>MUNICH TO THE ACHENSEE</center> +<p>If there were a country where the crowned heads of Europe in +ball costume sat in a magnificent hall, drinking nothing less than +champagne, while the court band discoursed bewitching music, and +the electric lights flashed on myriads of jewels, Bee and Mrs. +Jimmie would declare that sort of Bohemia to be quite in their +line. And because that kind of refined stupidity would bore Jimmie +and me to the verge of extinction, and because we really prefer an +open-air concert-garden with beer, where the people are likely to +be any sort of cattle whom nobody would want to know, yet who are +interesting to speculate about, I really believe that Bee and Mrs. +Jimmie think we are a little low.</p> +<p>However, their impossible tastes being happily for us +unattainable, three hours after our arrival in Munich found Jimmie +proudly marching three sailor-hat and shirt-waist women into the +Lowenbraukeller.</p> +<p>It was about four o'clock in the afternoon when we arrived, and +we took our seats at a little table in the terraced garden. A +rosy-cheeked maid, who evidently had violent objections to soap, +brought us our beer, and then we looked around. There was music, +not very good, only a few people smoking china pipes and not even +drinking beer, a few idly reading the paper, and a general air over +everybody of Mr. Micawber waiting for something to turn up.</p> +<p>Jimmie glanced around anxiously. The length of our stay depended +upon our ability to please Mrs. Jimmie and Bee, who were easily +fatigued by the populistic element of society.</p> +<p>"Nothin' doin'," growled Jimmie in my ear. "Wake 'em up, can't +you? Create a riot. Let's smash our beer-mugs, and shout 'Down with +the Kaiser!'"</p> +<p>"You'd find you would stay longer than you wanted to if you did +that," I said. "What do you suppose they are all <i>waiting</i> +for?"</p> +<p>Jimmie called the redolent maiden, and in German which made her +quiver put the question.</p> +<p>"At five o'clock they will open a fresh hogshead of +beer—the Lowenbrau," she answered him.</p> +<p>"<i>Fresh</i> beer?" cried Jimmie. "How long has this been +opened?"</p> +<p>"Since three."</p> +<p>"Great Scott!" whispered Jimmie. "Think of me brought up on a +bottle, coming to a land where men will sit for an hour to get beer +the first five minutes it is opened."</p> +<p>"See, they are opening it now," said the maid.</p> +<p>Sure enough, every man in the garden slowly rose and ambled +leisurely to a horse-trough in the centre of the garden in which +lay perhaps a score of mugs in running water. Each took a stein or +two or three, depending on his party, and formed in line in front +of the counter across which the beer was passed.</p> +<p>"Come, Jimmie," I said. "I'm going to get my own stein."</p> +<p>"Why do they do that?" asked Mrs. Jimmie, after we had got in +line.</p> +<p>"It saves the half-cent charged for service," answered the +maid.</p> +<p>"Now isn't she funny!" complained Bee of me as I returned +beaming with content. "She <i>likes</i> to go and do a queer thing +like that instead of sitting still to be waited on, like a +lady."</p> +<p>"Been waited on a million times like a lady," I ventured to +respond. "It isn't every day one <i>can</i> get a cool mug and see +the beer drawn fresh and foaming like that. I felt like a Holbein +painting."</p> +<p>Bee, as at Baden-Baden, plaintively gave the attendant a double +fee to show that meanness had not caused my apparently thrifty act. +Then for the first time in our lives we found what fresh beer +really meant.</p> +<p>Even Bee and Mrs. Jimmie admitted that it was worth while +coming, and let me record in advance that when we got to Vienna, +and they served us an equally delicious beer in long thin glasses +as delicate as an eggshell, Bee grew so enthusiastic in the process +of beer drinking that Jimmie grew absurdly proud of his pupil, and +professed to think that she was "coming round after all." But Bee +declared that it was the thinness of the glasses which attracted +her, and insisted that beer out of a German stein was like trying +to drink over a stone wall.</p> +<p>We went many times after that, generally in the evening, when +the concert was held in a hall which must have contained two +thousand people, even when all seated at little tables, and where +the band would have deafened you if the hall had not been so large. +Here Jimmie and the waitress prevailed upon us to taste the most +inhuman dishes with names a yard long, which the maid declared we +would find to be "wunderschön."</p> +<p>We began in a spirit of adventure, but Jimmie's taste in food is +so depraved that if he followed the precedent all through his life, +Lombroso would class him as a degenerate. As it was, he soon had us +distanced. But we let him eat pickles and cherries and herring and +cream and tripe and garlic and pig's feet all stewed up together, +while we listened to the music, and planned what we would bury him +in.</p> +<p>The pictures in Munich we loved. I must say that I enjoy the +atmosphere of the Munich school better than any other. There is a +healthiness about German realism that one is not afraid nor ashamed +to admire. French realism is like a suggestive story, expunged of +all but the surface fun for girls' hearing. You are afraid of the +laugh it raises for fear there is something beneath it all that you +don't understand. But the modern Munich galleries were not the task +that picture galleries often are. They were a sincere delight, and +let me pause to say that Munich art was one thing that we four were +unanimous in praising and enjoying as a happy and united +family.</p> +<p>It was here that Jimmie proceeded to go mad over Verboeckhoven's +sheep pictures, and Mrs. Jimmie and Bee over the crown jewels in +the Treasury of the Alte Residenz. To be sure they <i>are</i> fine. +For example, there is the famous "Pearl of the Palatinate," which +is half black, and a glorious blue diamond about twice as fine as +the one owned by Lord Francis Hope, which his family went to law to +prevent his selling not long ago, and a superb group of St. George +and the dragon, the knight being in chased gold, the dragon made +entirely of jasper, and the whole thing studded thickly with +precious stones of every description. But, except that these things +are historic and kept in royal vaults, they are no more wonderful +than jewellers' exhibits at the expositions.</p> +<p>But if you want to be thoroughly mixed up on the Nibelungenlied, +after you think you have got those depraved old parties with their +iniquitous marriages and loose morals pretty well adjusted by a +faithful attendance at Walter Damrosch's lectures and Wagner +operas, just go through the Königsbau, and let one of those +automatic conductors in uniform take you through the Schnorr +Nibelungen Frescoes, and from personal experience I will guarantee +that, when you have completed the rounds, you won't even know who +Siegfried is.</p> +<p>There is one thing particularly worth mentioning about Munich, +and that is that also in Alte Residenz, in the Festsaalbau, which +faces on the Hofgarten, and is 256 yards, not feet, long, are two +small card rooms, with what they call a "gallery of beauties."</p> +<p>Now everybody knows how disappointing professional beauties are. +Think over the names of actresses heralded as "beauties;" of +belles, who have been said to turn men's heads by the score; of +Venuses, and Psyches, and Madonnas of the galleries of Europe, and +tell me your honest opinion. Aren't most of them really—well, +<i>trying,</i> to say the least?</p> +<p>Titian's beauties all need an obesity remedy, and Jimmie +criticises most "beauties" so severely that we have got to +searching them out, when we are tired and cross, just to vent our +spleen upon.</p> +<p>Jimmie's favourite story is the old, old one of the old woman +who saw a hippopotamus for the first time. She looked at him a +moment in silence and then said: "My! ain't he plain!"</p> +<p>It is pre-historic, that story, but it has saved our lives many +a time in Europe. It fits so many cases, and I mention it here just +to prove my point. Go, then, to the "Gallery of Beauties" in the +Palace, and you will find thirty-six portraits by Steiler, of +thirty-six of the most exquisite women conceivable to the mind of +man. Some of these are women, like the Empress of Austria, who were +justly famed for a beauty which is not often the gift of royalty. +Others are women of whom you have never heard, but so lovely that +it would be impossible not to remember their loveliness for ever +and a day.</p> +<p>We all enthusiastically bought photographs of the painting of +the Empress Elizabeth at the age of eighteen, which to my mind is +one of the most exquisite faces ever put upon canvas, and then, +highly elated with our presentation of Munich to Mrs. Jimmie and +Bee, we gaily wended our way southward, following the river Isar +for a time, until we reached Innsbruck, on our way to the +Achensee.</p> +<p>At Innsbruck we halted for a sentimental reason which I am not +ashamed to divulge, as the ridicule of the public would be sweet +approval compared to the way Jimmie wore himself to a shadow in the +violence of his jeers. But the fact is that the King Arthur of +Tennyson has always been one of my heroes, and in the Franciscan +Church or the Hofkirche in Innsbruck, there were twenty-eight +heroic bronze statues, the finest of these being of Arthur, +König von England, by the famous Peter Vischer of +Nuremberg.</p> +<p>So in Innsbruck we paused for a few days, finding it delightful +beyond our ideas of it, and exquisitely picturesque, situated on +both banks of a dear little foaming, yellow river, with +foot-bridges upon which you may stand and watch it rage and churn, +and around it on all sides rising the mountains of the Bavarian +Alps, which are not so near as to crowd you. Mountains smother me +as a rule.</p> +<p>Jimmie obligingly took us at once to the Hofkirche, to get to +which we passed under the Triumphal Gate, erected by the citizens +on the occasion of the entry of the Emperor Francis I. and the +Empress Maria Theresa, to commemorate the marriage of Prince +Leopold, who afterward became the Emperor Leopold II., with the +Infanta Maria Ludovica. This magnificent arch is of granite and +will last thousands of years. It reminded me of the Dewey Arch in +New York—it was so different.</p> +<p>The Emperor Maximilian I. directed in his will that the +Hofkirche should be built, and in the centre of the nave he is +represented kneeling by a sumptuous bronze statue, surrounded by +the statues I had come to see. Jimmie declared that the marble +sarcophagus upon which the statue of Maximilian is placed was +"worth the price of admission," but Jimmie's opinion is of no value +except when he is accidentally right, as in this instance. He +studied this and the monument of Andreas Hofer, whose remains are +buried here, under a magnificent sarcophagus of Tyrolese marble, +leaving us to our bronze statues.</p> +<p>I found my King Arthur perfectly satisfactory, much to my +surprise, for I am always prepared to be disappointed. Some of the +statues are ridiculous in the extreme, but these monstrosities +served the better to emphasise the dignity of King Arthur's pose +and the nobility of his countenance.</p> +<p>Just after you leave the Hofkirche, you find yourself just +opposite to the "Golden Dachl," which the natives tell you is a +roof built of pure gold, but which the skeptical declare to be +copper gilded. This roof covers a handsome Gothic balcony and +blazes as splendidly as if it were gold, as Bee and Mrs. Jimmie +preferred to believe. It is said to have cost seventy thousand +dollars, and was built by Count Frederick of Tyrol, who was called +"The Count of the Empty Pockets," to refute his nickname.</p> +<p>While we were taking infinite satisfaction in this little +history, we lost Jimmie. He emerged presently from a handsome shop +near by followed by a man bearing a large box.</p> +<p>"What have you been buying, Jimmie?" we demanded, +suspiciously.</p> +<p>"Only a replica of Maximilian's statue," he answered, +blandly.</p> +<p>"You mean a 'copy,' my darling," I corrected him, sweetly.</p> +<p>Now Jimmie loves a fight and so do I, so we immediately offered +battle to each other, Jimmie insisting on his replica, and I +declaring that a replica meant that the same artist must have made +both the original and the second article, which when made by +another craftsman became a "copy."</p> +<p>Jimmie got red in the face and abusive, while I remained cool +and exasperating. I was getting even with Jimmie for everything +since Paris.</p> +<p>But conceive, if you can, my utter humiliation when, upon +arriving at the hotel, I discovered that the box contained, not +Maximilian, but my dear King Arthur, and that Jimmie had bought it +for <i>me!</i></p> +<p>I really cried.</p> +<p>"Jimmie," I said in a meek and lowly voice, "you are an +angel—a bright, beautiful, golden angel, and from now on, +I'll call this a replica,—when I'm talking to a wayfaring +man. And I'll never, never fight with you again!"</p> +<p>"Then gimme back that bronze man!" declared Jimmie. "If you give +up the battlefield I'll start home to-morrow!" Which shows you +where I got encouragement to be "ungentlemanly," as Jimmie calls +me.</p> +<p>Innsbruck is the capital of Tyrol, and the whole country of +Tyrol is like a picture-book. Its history is so stirring, its +country so beautiful, its people are so picturesque. There are any +number of dainty little lakes lying in among its mountains, which +are accessible to the tourist, and therefore semi-public, by which +I mean not as public as the Swiss or Italian lakes. But up the Inn +River a few miles, and completely hidden from the tourist, being +out of the way and little known to Americans, there lies the most +lovely lake of all, the Achensee, and all around it the Tyrolese +peasants, as they ought to be allowed to remain, simple, primitive, +natural. We wanted to see them dance. So regardless of whether an +iron bound itinerary would take us there next, we folded away our +maps, put our trust in our little yellow coupon ticket book, and +started for the Achensee. From the moment we began to see less of +tourists and more of the natives, Jimmie's and my spirits rose. +Chiffon and patent leather might belong to Bee and Mrs. Jimmie, but +here in the Austrian Tyrol, Jimmie and I were getting our +innings.</p> +<p>We got off the train at Jenbach and left our trunks there. Then +on the same platform, but behind it, and a few yards beyond the +station, there is a curious little hunchbacked engine and an open +car. Into this car we climbed with our handbags, and beheld on the +same seat with Mrs. Jimmie a beautiful woman in a gown unmistakably +from Paris, who looked so familiar that we could scarcely keep from +staring her out of countenance. Finally Bee leaned across and +whispered:</p> +<p>"Don't look, but isn't that Madame Carreño?"</p> +<p>Without heeding Bee's polite warning, I turned and pounced upon +my idol.</p> +<p>"Madame Carreño!"</p> +<p>"My <i>dear</i> child!"</p> +<p>"What in the world are you doing here?"</p> +<p>"Why I <i>live</i> here! And you? How came <i>you</i> to find +your way to this inaccessible spot?"</p> +<p>"We are going to the Achensee—to the Hotel Rhiner, to hear +Fräulein Therese—"</p> +<p>"You have heard of my little friend Therese, and you have +come—how many thousand miles?—to hear her sing and play +on her zither?"</p> +<p>"To do all that, but mostly to see if she will tell me her love +story."</p> +<p>"How do you know she had one?" inquired Madame Carreño, +quickly.</p> +<p>"I heard of it in England. Some one who knew the duke told +me."</p> +<p>"It was a lucky escape for her, and I think she will tell you +all about it. You see it happened, ah, so many years ago."</p> +<p>To my mind, Madame Carreño is the most wonderful genius +of modern times at the piano. I have heard all the others scores of +times, so don't argue with me. You may all worship whom you will, +but the whole musical part of my heart is at Madame +Carreño's feet, with a small corner saved for Vladimir de +Pachmann, when he plays Chopin. She claims to be an American, but +she plays with a heart of a Slav, and as one whose untamed spirit +can never be held in leash even by her music. Her playing is so +intoxicating that it goes through my veins like wine. The last time +I heard her play was in an enormous hall in the West, when her +audience was composed of music lovers of every class and +description. Just back of me was a woman whose whole soul seemed to +respond to Carreño's hypnotic genius. Carreño had +just finished Liszt's "Rhapsodic Hongroise" No. 2, and had followed +it up with a mad Tschaikowsky fragment. I was so excited I was on +the verge of tears when I heard the woman behind me catch her +breath with a sob and exclaim:</p> +<p>"My Lord! Ain't she got <i>vinegar</i>!"</p> +<p>I repeated this to Madame Carreño at Jenbach, and she +seized my hands and shouted with laughter. Such a grip as she has! +Her hands are filled with steel wires instead of muscles, and her +arms have the strength of an athlete in training.</p> +<p>The car propelled by the hunchbacked engine grated and bumped +its way over its cog-wheel road, pushing its delighted quota of +passengers higher and higher into the mountains. The Inn valley +fell away from our view, and wooded slopes, fir-trees, patches of +snow on far hillsides, and tiny hamlets took its place.</p> +<p>"Here and there among these little villages live my summer +pupils," said Madame Carreño. "I have six. One from San +Francisco, one from Australia, one from Paris, one from Geneva, and +two from Russia—all young girls, and with <i>such</i> talent! +They live all the way from Jenbach to the Achensee, and come to see +me once a week."</p> +<p>The train stopped with a final squeal of the chain, and a lurch +which loosened our joints.</p> +<p>Before us spread a sheet of water of such a blueness, such a +limpid, clear, deep sapphire blue as I never saw in water +before.</p> +<p>Around it rose the hills of Tyrol, guarding it like +sentinels.</p> +<p>It was the Achensee!</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_VII"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> +<br> +<center>DANCING IN THE AUSTRIAN TYROL</center> +<p>Jimmie is such a curious mixture that it is really very much +worth while to study his emotions. I think perhaps that even I, who +find it so hard to discover either man, woman, child, or dog whom I +would designate as "typically American," am forced to admit that +Jimmie's mental make-up is perfect as a certain type of the +American business man, travelling extensively in Europe. The real +bread of life to Jimmie is the New York Stock Exchange; but being +on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he brought his fine steel-wire +will to bear upon his recreation with as much nervous force as he +ever expended in a deal in Third Avenue or Union Pacific.</p> +<p>Hence he travels nervously yet deliberately, and views Europe +from the point of view of the American stock market, scoffing at my +enthusiasm, ironical of Bee's most cherished preferences, patient +with his wife's serious love of society, and chivalrously tolerant, +as only the American man can be, of the prejudices of his +travelling family.</p> +<p>I notice that he is taking on a certain amount of true culture. +He is broadening. Jimmie is beginning to let his emotions out; +however, very gradually, with a firm, nervous hand on the +throttle-valve, with the sensitive American's fear of ridicule as +his steam-gauge.</p> +<p>I watched Jimmie as he first saw the Achensee. The colour came +into his face, his eyes brightened, and he clenched his +hands—a sure sign of feeling in Jimmie.</p> +<p>There was a little white steamboat at the pier. The lake spread +out before us was of the colour which you see when you look down +into the depths of some fine unmounted sapphire at Tiffany's. The +pebbles on the beach under the water looked as if they were in a +basin of blueing. I reached in to take one out, and thoroughly +expected to find my hand stained when I withdrew it. Around the +lake arose little hills of the same beauty and verdure as our +Berkshires, with the exception that these hills possessed a certain +purplish, bluish haze with a gray mist over them, which gave to +their colouring the same softness that a woman imparts to her +complexion when she wears white chiffon under a black lace +veil.</p> +<p>I cannot understand what makes the Achensee so blue and the +Königsee so green. Chemically analysed, the waters are almost +identical, and the verdure surrounding them is very similar, and +yet the Königsee is as green as the Achensee is blue.</p> +<p>A little steamer took us around the edge of the lake, where at +the first landing-place Madame Carreño left us. We could +only see the roof of her cottage in the grove of trees.</p> +<p>There is a new hotel somewhere along the lake; but we left that, +with its modern equipments and electric lights, and went where we +had been directed—to the Hotel Rhiner. Fräulein Therese +met us at the landing. Alas! she was no longer the beauty of her +love story of thirty years before. She was ample. Her short hair +curled like a boy's, as without a hat she stood under a green +umbrella, to welcome her guests. She had large feet, large hips, a +large waist, and large lungs; but as she took our hands in the +friendliest of greetings, and beamed on us from her full-moon face, +we felt how delightful it was to get home once more.</p> +<p>The Hotel Rhiner is severely plain,—almost +unfurnished,—and its appointments are primitive in the +extreme. There was no carpet upon the floor of our rooms. Two +little single beds stood side by side. A single candle was supposed +to furnish light, and the wash-bowl was about the size of your +hand. Yet everything was exquisitely clean, and from the windows of +our corner room stretched away the blue Achensee and the mountains +of the Tyrol, making a view which made you forget that the sheets +were damp, and that the chairs were uncushioned.</p> +<p>Physically, I am sure that I was never more uncomfortable than I +was at the Hotel Rhiner. The bed squeaked; the mattress, I think, +was filled with corn-shucks, the hard part of which had an ungentle +way of assailing you when you least expected it. Yet, if now were +given to me the choice of going back to the Élysée +Palace in Paris, or the Hotel Rhiner on the Achensee, it would not +take me two seconds to start for the corn-shucks.</p> +<p>A rosy-cheeked, amply proportioned maid, named Rosa, dressed in +the picturesque costume of the Tyrolese peasants, installed us in +our rooms and advised us to row upon the lake and see the sunset +before supper.</p> +<p>Tourists from the other hotels were being landed at our pier +from tiny boats, to have their supper at the Hotel Rhiner, for the +cooking is famous. Jimmie came and pounded on our door, executing a +small war-dance in the corridor when we appeared,</p> +<p>"We've struck our gait," he said, ecstatically, to me. "Virtue +is its own reward. This pays us for Baden-Baden and Paris. What do +you think? The Rhiner family themselves do the cooking. There are +the old mother, Fräulein Therese, three sons, two +daughters-in-law, and five grandchildren who run this house. I have +ordered the corner table on the veranda for supper—and such a +table! And afterward there is going to be a dance in the kitchen. +Fräulein Therese has promised to play for us on her zither, +and there is going to be singing. Now, come along and let's do the +sunset stunt."</p> +<p>Bee and Mrs. Jimmie followed us with gentle apprehension, for +they are always a little suspicious of anything that Jimmie and I +particularly like. Under a long, sloping roof we found several +dozen little row-boats, with the "shipmaster," a peasant whose +costume might have come out of a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. He +launched us, however, and the boat shot out into the lake, with +Jimmie and me at the oars, and then we saw a sight that none of us +had ever seen before. The air was wonderfully calm and still. The +only ripple on the lake was that which was left by our boat as we +rowed out to where there was a break in the hills. On the east and +west, there the tallest hills fall away from the Achensee and make +an undulating line on the horizon. As we reached this break, we +stopped rowing, transfixed by the glory of the scene.</p> +<p>The sun was just setting, a great molten mass of flame, +splashing down in the crimson clouds, which showed in the aperture +between the hills. Little thin wraiths of mist or haze curled up +from this molten mass into the rosy sky above, as if the gods on +Olympus were mulling claret for a marriage feast. The purple hills +curved down on each side in the exact shape of an amethyst +punch-bowl, and the radiance of colouring fairly blinded us. On the +other hand, the full moon was rising above the eastern hills in a +haze of silver, but with a calmness and serene majesty which formed +a direct antithesis to the sinking sun she faced.</p> +<p>Lower and lower sank the king, going down out of sight finally +in a blaze of splendour which left the western sky aflame with +light. In the east higher and higher rose the queen, rising from +her silver mists into the clear pale blue of the sky, and sending +her white lances gliding across the blue waters of the Achensee, +till their tips touched our oars.</p> +<p>We watched it, hushed, breathless, awed. I looked at Jimmie.</p> +<p>"What is it like?" murmured Bee.</p> +<p>And to my surprise, Jimmie answered her from out of the spell +this magic scene had caused, saying:</p> +<p>"It is like a glimpse of the splendours of the New +Jerusalem."</p> +<p>We had supper that night in the open air of the veranda, where +Jimmie had engaged the table. Hedwig, a waitress, whispered into my +ear confidentially that we would find the fish delicious, as they +were some of those the priests had not needed.</p> +<p>The Tyrol, especially in the vicinity of the Achensee, is +absolutely priest-ridden, every one, from the peasants to the +gentry, contributing, and the best in the land going into their +larders and their coffers.</p> +<p>We were indebted to the overfeeding of these fat priests for a +delicacy which was then unknown to me—broiled goose liver +with onions. It is a German dish, but a rarity not to be had in +even all first-class hotels in Germany and Austria. When you have +it, it is announced to the guests personally, with something the +same air as if the proprietor should say:</p> +<p>"Madame, the Emperor and his suite will dine at this hotel +to-night, at eight."</p> +<p>Goose liver may not sound tempting to some, but as I saw it that +night, cooked by the old mother of Fräulein Therese, a +luscious white meat delicately browned and smothered in onions as +we smother a steak, and so delicate that it melted in the mouth +like an aspic jelly, it was one of the most delicious dishes I ever +essayed.</p> +<p>As we were eating our dessert, a <i>gemischtes compote</i> so +rich that it nearly sent us to our eternal rest, Fräulein +Therese came and asked us to have our coffee in the kitchen. A +long, low-ceiled room, three steps below the level of the ground, +with seats against the wall, and a raised platform on each side, +with little tables for coffee, adjoined the hotel. This room at one +time perhaps had been a real kitchen, where cooking was done. Now +it was turned into a place of recreation. Around the walls were +seated a variegated, almost motley, array of men and women, from +the dear old fat mother of Fräulein Therese and the three +boys, the daughters-in-law, the granddaughters, to a picturesque +old man, whose coal-black beard fell almost to his waist, our +friend the "shipmaster," and the band of four musicians, all +dressed in the Tyrolese costume, with the exception of the women of +the Rhiner family.</p> +<p>Some thirty years ago the father Rhiner, now dead and gone, the +mother, whose voice is still a wonder, Fräulein Therese, and +the three boys journeyed to London to sing before the Queen at her +jubilee. This made them famous, and was the beginning of the +Fräulein's love story, which was told me in London by Lady J., +a relative of the duke who so nearly wrecked the Fräulein's +life.</p> +<p>By telling the Fräulein that I knew Lady J., I induced her +to repeat the story to me.</p> +<p>"It was in St. Petersburg that I saw him for the second time. He +was then the Marquis of B., in the suite of the Prince of Wales, +when he went to pay a visit to the Tzar's court. The marquis loved +me, as I thought sincerely. I was very young, and I believed him. +After he went back to London, he arranged for me to sing in grand +opera; they tell me that it was a lie; that I could not have sung +in opera; that he only wanted to get me away from my family. They +tell me that it was a wise thing, directed by God, that I should +drop the letter in which he gave me directions how to meet him, +that my sister-in-law should find it, and that my brother should +overtake me at the train, and prevent my going. I do not know. I +only know that I have always loved him. Even after he became the +Duke of M., and married one of your countrywomen, I still loved +him. Now he is dead, and I love him still. See, I wear this black +ribbon always in his memory. Yet they tell me that he lied to me, +and that it was for the best. Well, we are all in God's hands." And +she sighed deeply.</p> +<p>She drew her zither toward her, and began to play as I never +heard that simple little instrument played before. Then one by one +they began to sing. It was amazing how little of the freshness of +their voices has been lost during all this time. I never heard such +singing. A bass voice which would have graced the Tzar's choir, +came booming from the old man with the black beard, as they yodeled +and sang and sang and yodeled again, until their little audience +went quite wild with delight.</p> +<p>Bee and Mrs. Jimmie were beginning to forgive us. Jimmie dashed +over to Fräulein Therese, at Bee's request, to ask who the old +man was.</p> +<p>"It's the cowherd," he announced, with his evil-minded +simplicity, and seemed to obtain a huge interior enjoyment from the +way Bee pushed her chair back out of range, and looked +disgusted.</p> +<p>Presently came Rosa, the chambermaid, and Hedwig, the waitress, +and a dozen young men from the neighbouring hamlet, and began to +dance the "schuplattle." I have seen this wonderful dance performed +on the stage and in other Tyrolese villages, but never have I seen +it danced with the abandonment of those young peasants in that +little kitchen on the Achensee. They were all beautiful dancers. +The young "shipmaster" seized our pretty Rosa around the waist, and +they began to waltz. Suddenly, without a moment's warning, they +fell apart, with a yell from the boy which curdled the blood in our +veins. Rosa continued waltzing alone, with her hands on her hips, +while her partner did a series of cart-wheels around the room, +bringing up just in front of her, and waltzing with her again +without either of them losing a step. Then he lifted her hands by +the finger tips high above her head, and they writhed their bodies +in and out under this arch, he occasionally stooping to snatch a +kiss, and all the time their feet waltzing in perfect time to the +music. Suddenly, with another yell, he leaped into the air, and, +with Rosa waltzing demurely in front of him, began the fantastic +part of the schuplattle, which consists, as Jimmie says, "of making +tambourines all over yourself, spanking yourself on the arms, +thighs, legs, and soles of your feet, and the crown of your head, +and winding up by boxing your partner's ears or kissing her, just +as you feel inclined."</p> +<p>I never saw anything like it. I never heard anything like it. It +was so exhilarating it aroused even the cowherd's enthusiasm, so +that he came and did a turn with Fräulein Therese.</p> +<p>Then more of the peasants joined in the schuplattle, and in a +moment the kitchen was a mass of flying feet, waving arms, leaping, +shouting men and laughing girls, the dance growing wilder and +wilder, until, with a final yell that split the ears of the +groundlings, the music stopped, and the dancers sank breathless +into their seats. The excitement was contagious. One after another +got up and danced singly, each attempting to outdo the other.</p> +<p>The other guests, who had seen this before, by this time had +finished their coffee and left. Our little party remained. The +Fräulein Therese came over to our table, saying that the +"shipmaster" would like very much to dance with me. I don't blush +often, but I actually felt my whole face blaze at the proposition. +I protested that I couldn't, and wouldn't; that I should die of +fright if he yelled in my ear, and that he would split my sleeves +out if he tried "London bridge" with me. She urged, and Jimmie +urged, and Bee and Mrs. Jimmie joined. So finally I did, the +Fräulein having warned him that I would simply consent to +waltz, with nothing else. They never reverse, the music was fast +and furious, and the room was as hot as a desert at midday. After I +had gone around that room twice with the "shipmaster," he whirled +me to my seat, and for fully five minutes the room, the musicians, +and the tables continued the waltz that I had left off. It makes me +dizzy to think of it even now.</p> +<p>When I got my sight back, I looked apprehensively at Bee, to see +if I had gone beyond the limit which her own perfectly ladylike +manner always sets for me; but to my surprise her foot was tapping +the floor, and there was a gleam in her eyes which told the +mischievous Jimmie that the music was getting into Bee's blood. +Jimmie wrenched my little finger under the table and whispered:</p> +<p>"For two cents, Bee would do the skirt dance!"</p> +<p>"Ask her," I whispered back.</p> +<p>He jogged her elbow and said:</p> +<p>"Give 'um the skirt dance, Bee. You could knock 'um all silly +with the way you dance."</p> +<p>Bee needed no urging. It was quite evident she had made up her +mind to do it before we asked. She arose with a look of +determination in her eyes, which would have carried her through a +murder. When Bee makes up her mind to do a thing, she'll put it +through, good or bad, determined and remorseless, from giving a +dinner to the poor to robbing a grave, and nobody can stop her, or +laugh her out of it any more than you can persuade her to do it, if +she doesn't want to. Nobody is responsible for Bee's acts but +herself. Therefore, I recall that scene with a peculiar and +exquisite joy which the truly good never feel.</p> +<p>Bee's travelling-skirt was tailor-made, tight at the belt, and +of ample fulness around the bottom. She had on a shirt-waist, a +linen collar, the Charvet tie, a black hat with a few gay coloured +flowers on it, and a lace petticoat from the Rue de la Paix. At the +first strains of the skirt dance from the delighted band Bee seized +her skirts firmly and began the dance which is so familiar to us, +but which those Tyrolese peasants had never seen before. Jimmie +says he would rather see Bee do the skirt dance than any +professional he ever saw on any stage. He says that her kicks are +such poems that he forgives her everything when he thinks of them, +but when she danced that night, Jimmie was so tickled by the +excitement and polite interest she created in her primitive +audience, that he stretched himself out on the bench in such +shrieks of laughter that even Bee grinned at him, while I simply +passed away. She sat down, flushed, breathless, but triumphant.</p> +<p>Instantly she was surrounded by every young fellow in the room, +imploring her to dance with him, and at once Bee became the belle +of the ball. And, if you will believe it, when Mrs. Jimmie and I +went outside to get a breath of air, Bee, the ladylike; Bee, the +conservative; haughty, intolerant Bee, was dancing with the +cowherd!</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_VIII"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> +<br> +<center>SALZBURG</center> +<p>We had our breakfast the next morning on the same piazza where +we had dined and where the early morning sun gave an entirely new +aspect to the eternal blueness of the Achensee. Oh, you who have +seen only Italian lakes, think not that you know blue when you see +it, until you have seen the Achensee!</p> +<p>"If you would only get back into yourself," said Jimmie, +addressing my absent spirit, "you might help me decide where we +shall go next."</p> +<p>"I can't leave here," I replied. "I cannot tear myself away from +this spot."</p> +<p>"It <i>is</i> beautiful," murmured Bee, dreamily, but she +murmured dreamily not so much because of the beauty of the scene as +because eating in the open air that early in the morning always +makes her sleepy.</p> +<p>"'Tis not that," I responded. "'Tis because, while some few +modest triumphs have come my way, I think I never achieved one +which gave me such acute physical satisfaction as I underwent last +night at my sister Bee's success as a <i>première +danseuse</i>. Shall I ever forget it? Shall danger, or sickness, or +poverty, or disaster ever blot from my mind that scene? Jimmie, +never again can she scorn us for our sawdust-ring proclivities, for +do you know, <i>I</i> shouldn't be surprised to see her end her +days on the trapeze!"</p> +<p>But if I fondly hoped to make Bee waver in her thorough approval +of her own acts, this cheerful exchange of badinage, where the +exchange was all on my part, undeceived me, for Bee simply looked +at me without replying, so Jimmie uncoiled himself and handed the +map to Bee.</p> +<p>"Jimmie has talked nothing but salt mines for a fortnight," said +Bee, finally, "yet by coming here we have left Salzburg behind +us."</p> +<p>"Let's go back then," he said. "It isn't far, and it's all +through a beautiful country."</p> +<p>For a wonder, we all agreed to this plan without the usual +discussion of individual tastes which usually follows the most +tentative suggestion on the part of any one of us who has the +temerity to leap into the arena to be worried.</p> +<p>The whole Rhiner family, including the chambermaid, the +shipmaster, and Bee's friend the cowherd, were on the little pier, +under some pretext or other, to see us off, and not only feeling +but knowing that we left real friends behind us, we started on our +way to Jenbach, down the same little cog-wheel road up which we had +climbed, and, as Jimmie said: "literally getting back to earth +again," for the descent was like being dropped from the clouds.</p> +<p>The journey from Jenbach to Salzburg was indeed marvellously +beautiful, but some little time before we arrived Jimmie emerged +from his guide-book to say, somewhat timidly:</p> +<p>"Are you tired of lakes?"</p> +<p>"Tired of lakes? How could we be when we've only seen one this +week?"</p> +<p>"And that the most exquisite spot we have found this +summer!"</p> +<p>"Certainly we are not tired of the beautiful things!"</p> +<p>From this avalanche of replies Jimmie gathered an idea of our +attitude.</p> +<p>"Thank you!" he said, politely. "I think I understand. Would you +consent to turn aside to see the Königsee, another small lake +which belongs more to the natives than to the tourists?"</p> +<p>For reply, we simply rose in concert. Mrs. Jimmie drew on her +gloves and Bee pulled down her veil.</p> +<p>"When do we get off, Jimmie?"</p> +<p>"In ten minutes," he said with a delighted grin. And in another +ten minutes we were off, and Salzburg was removed another +twenty-four hours from us.</p> +<p>But after the Achensee, the Königsee was something of an +anticlimax, although the natives were perfectly satisfactory, and +not an English word was spoken outside of our party. But as Jimmie +speaks German-American, we got what we wanted in the way of a boat, +and found that the Königsee is quite as green as the Achensee +is blue. At least it was the day we were there. The tiny Tyrolese +lad who went with us as guide, told us that it was sometimes as +blue as the sky. But the black shadows cast upon its waters by the +steep cliffs which rise sheerly from its sides, give back their +darkness to the depths of the lake, and for the scene of a +picturesque murder it would be perfect. There is a magnificent echo +around certain parts of the Königsee, and swans sailing +majestically on the breast of the lake remind one of the Lohengrin +country.</p> +<p>We rested that night at a dear little inn and the next morning +took up our interrupted journey to Salzburg.</p> +<p>On the way Jimmie talked salt mines to us until, when we arrived +at Salzburg, we imagined the whole town must be given up to them. +But to our surprise, and no less to our delight, we found Salzburg +not only one of the most picturesque towns we had met with, but +interesting and highly satisfactory, while the salt mines are not +at Salzburg at all, but half a day's drive away. Salzburg satisfied +the entire emotional gamut of our diversified and centrifugal +party. It had mountains for Jimmie, the rushing, roaring, +picturesque little river Salzach for me, the Residenz-Schloss, +where the Grand Duke of Tuscany lives part of his time, for Mrs. +Jimmie and Bee, and the glorious views from every direction for all +of us. Here, also, Bee found her restaurants, with bands, situated +more delightfully than any we had found before.</p> +<p>Hills bound the town on two sides—thickly wooded, with +ravishing shades of green, to the side of which a schloss, or +convent, or perhaps only a terraced restaurant, clings like a +swallow's nest. All the bridle-paths, walks, and drives around +Salzburg lead somewhere. You may be quite certain that no matter +what road you follow you will find your diligence rewarded.</p> +<p>There is one curious restaurant where we went for our first +dinner, because two rival singing societies were to furnish the +programme. It is reached by an enormous elevator which takes you up +some two hundred feet, where there spreads before you a series of +terraces, each with tables and diners, and above all the +band-stand. Here were the singers singing quite abominably out of +key, but with great vigour and earnestness, and always applauded to +the echo, but getting quite a little overcome by their exhilaration +later in the evening. Then there is the fortress protecting the +town, the Nonnberg, the cloisters in whose church are the oldest in +Germany, and they won't let you in to see them at any price. This +of itself is an attraction, for as a rule there is no spot so +sacred, so old, or so queer in all Europe that you can't buy +admission to it. But when I found the cloisters of the Convent +Church closed to the gaping public, I thanked God and took courage. +We found another spot in Salzburg where they allow only men to +enter, but as we found plenty of those in Turkey, we paid no +particular attention to the Franciscan Monastery for barring women, +except that we had some curiosity to hear the performance which is +given daily on the pansymphonicon, a queer instrument invented by +one of the monks. Jimmie, of course, came out fairly bursting with +unnecessary pride, and to this day pretends that you have lived +only half your life if you haven't heard the pansymphonicon. We +gave him little satisfaction by asking no questions and yawning or +asking what time it was every time he tried to whet our curiosity +by vague references and half descriptions of it. Jimmie is a +frightful liar, and would sacrifice his hope of heaven to torture +us successfully for half a day. I don't believe one word of all he +has said or hinted or drawn or sung about that thing, and yet, I +would give everything I possess, and all Bee's good clothes, and +all Mrs. Jimmie's jewels, if I could hear and see the +pansymphonicon <i>just once</i>!</p> +<p>One of the most romantic things we did was to take the little +railway leading to the top of the Gaisberg, where we spent the +night at the little Hotel Gaisbergspilze, and saw Salzburg lying +beneath us, twinkling with lights, and making a sight to be +remembered for ever. Tucked in among the Salzburg Alps you can see +seven little lakes, and the colouring, the dark shadows, and fleecy +belts of clouds make it a ravishing view, and full of a tender, +poetic melancholy. Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie sat very close together, and +renewed the days of their courting, but poor Bee and I held each +other's hands and felt lonely.</p> +<p>The romance of the situation drove me to poetry, and reduced Bee +to the submission of listening to it—for a short time. Trust +me! I know how far to trespass on my sister's patience! But when I +said, mournfully:</p> +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>"Never the time and place</p> +<p>And the loved one all together,"</p> +</div> +</div> +<p>Bee nodded a plaintive acquiescence.</p> +<p>In the morning, we <i>almost</i> saw the sun rise, but not +quite. Aigen, the chateau of Prince Schwarzenberg, was more +cheerful; so was Mozart's statue and his <i>Geburthaus</i>. +<i>I</i> didn't know that Mozart was born in Salzburg, but he was. +There is something actually furtive about the way certain facts +have a habit of existing and I not learning of them until everybody +else has forgotten them.</p> +<p>We decided to make the excursion to the salt mine on Monday, and +on the Sunday Jimmie arranged for us to visit the Imperial chateau +of Helbrun, built in the seventeenth century, and promising us +several new features of amusement and interest not generally to be +met with. Our hotel being a very smart one, filled with Americans, +we naturally had on rather good frocks, for it was Sunday, and we +were to drive instead of taking the train. We had all been to the +church in the morning, and felt at liberty to escape from the +gossip of the piazzas, and to amuse ourselves in this decorous +way.</p> +<p>Now, Jimmie is thoroughly ashamed of himself, and would give +anything if I would not tell this, but I have recently suffered an +attack of pansymphonicon, and this is my revenge.</p> +<p>I noticed something suspicious in Jimmie's childlike innocence +and elaborate amiability during our drive. If Jimmie is +business-like and somewhat indifferent, he is behaving himself. If +he is officiously attentive to our comfort, and his countenance is +frank and open, look out for him. I hate practical jokes, and on +that Sunday I almost hated Jimmie.</p> +<p>We drove first into a great yard surrounded by high trees. The +horses were immediately taken from our carriage, as if our stay was +to be a long one. Then we made our way through the gates into what +appeared to be a lovely garden or park with gravelled walks, +flowering shrubs, and large shade trees. There were any number of +pleasure seekers there besides ourselves. Father, mother, and six +or seven children in one party, with the air of cheerfulness and +light-heartedness—an air of those who have no burdens to +carry, and no bills to pay, which characterises the Continental +middle class on its Sunday outing. It was impossible to escape +them, for their cheerful interest in our clothes, their friendly +smiling countenances robbed their attendance of all impertinence. +Thus, somewhat of their company, although not strictly belonging to +it, we went to the Steinerne Theatre, hewn in the rock, where +pastorals and operas were at one time performed under the direction +of the prince-bishops.</p> +<p>Then, in front of the Mechanical Theatre, there is a flight of +great stone steps and balustrades of granite upon which, in company +with our German friends, we hung and climbed and stood, while the +most ingenious little play was performed by tiny puppets that I +ever had the good fortune to behold. Over and over again the +midgets went through every performance of mechanicism with such +precision and accuracy that it took me back to the first mechanical +toy I ever possessed. This little mechanical theatre is really a +wonder.</p> +<p>I have never been sure how seriously to blame Jimmie for what +followed. At any rate, he knew something of the trick, and I have a +distant recollection of the gleam in his eyes when he led his +unsuspecting party along the gravel walk to the side of a certain +granite building, whose function I have forgotten. I remember +standing there and looking up the stone steps at our German +friends, when suddenly out from behind the stones of this building, +from the cornice, from above and from beneath, shot jets of water, +drenching me and all others who were back of me, and sending us +forward in a mad rush to gain the top of those stone steps, and so +to safety. A stout German frau, weighing something between three +and four hundred pounds, trod on the train of my gown, and the +gathers gave way at the belt with that horrid ripping noise which +every woman has heard at some time of her life. It generally means +a man. It makes no difference, however; man or woman, the result is +the same. As I could not shake her off, and we were both bound for +the same place, she continued walking up my back, and in this +manner we gained the top of the steps and the gravelled walk, only +to find that thin streams of water from subterranean fountains were +shooting up through the gravel, making it useless to try to escape. +It was all over in a minute, but in the meantime we were drenched +within and without and in such a fury that I for one am not +recovered from it. It seems that this is one of the practical jokes +of which the German mind is capable. Practical jokes seem to me +worse than, and on the order of, calamities. Unfortunately Mrs. +Jimmie was the wettest of any of us. She had on better clothes than +Bee or I, and she refused to run, and she got soaking wet. I really +pity Jimmie as I look back on it.</p> +<p>The visit to the salt mine we had planned for the next day. It +was necessarily put off. Two of us were not on speaking terms with +Jimmie,—Bee and I,—while Mrs. Jimmie, from driving back +to the hotel in her wet clothes, had a slight attack of her strange +trouble, croup. Poor dear Mrs. Jimmie! However, Jimmie's repentance +was so deep and sincere, he was so thoroughly scared by the extent +of the calamity, so deeply sorry for our ruined clothes, apart from +his anxiety over his wife, that we finally forgave him and took him +into our favour again, to escape his remorseful attentions to us. +So one day late, but on a better day, we took a fine large +carriage, having previously tested the springs, and started for the +salt mines. A description of that drive is almost impossible. To be +sure, it was hot, dusty, and long. Before we got to the first +wayside inn we were ravenous, and Jimmie's thirst could be +indicated only by capital letters. But winding in and out among +farmhouses with flower gardens of hollyhocks, poppies, and roses; +passing now a wayside shrine with the crucifixion exploited in +heroic size; houses and barns and stables all under one roof; and +now curiously painted doors peculiar to Bavarian houses; the +country inns with their wooden benches and deal tables spread under +the shade of the trees; parties of pedestrians, members of Alpine +clubs, taking their vacations by tramping through this wonderful +district; the sloping hills over and around which the road winds; +the blues and greens and shadows of the more distant mountains, all +combine to make this road from Salzburg to the salt mines one of +the most interesting to be found in all Germany.</p> +<p>Never did small cheese sandwiches and little German sausages +taste so delicious as at our first stop on our way to the salt +mines. Jimmie said never was anything to drink so long in coming. +Near us sat eight members of a <i>Mannerchor</i>, whose first act +was to unsling a long curved horn capable of holding a gallon. This +was filled with beer, and formed a loving-cup. Afterward, at the +request of the landlord, and evidently to their great +gratification, these men regaled us with songs, all sung with +exceeding great earnestness, little regard to tune, and great +carelessness as to pitch; but, if one may judge from their smiling +and streaming countenances, the music had proved perfectly +satisfactory to the singers themselves. Another drive, and soon we +were at the mouth of the salt mine. We had learned previously that +the better way would be to go as a private party and pay a small +fee, as otherwise we would find ourselves in as great a crowd as on +a free day at a museum. If I remember rightly, four o'clock marks +the free hour. It had commenced to rain a little,—a fine, +thin mountain shower,—but the carriage was closed up, the +horses led away to be rested, and we three women pushed our way +through the crowd of summer tourists waiting for the free hour to +strike in the courtyard, and found ourselves in a room in which +women were being arrayed in the salt mine costume. This costume is +so absurd that it requires a specific description.</p> +<p>Two or three motherly-looking German attendants gave us +instructions. Our costumes consisted of white duck trousers, clean, +but still damp from recent washing, a thick leather apron, a short +duck blouse, something like those worn by bakers, and a cap. The +trousers, being all the same size and same length, came to Bee's +ankles, were knickerbockers for me and tights for Mrs. Jimmie.</p> +<p>European travel hardens one to many of the hitherto essential +delicacies of refinement, which, however, the American instantly +resumes upon landing upon the New York pier; it being, I think, +simply the instinct of "when in Rome do as the Romans do," which +compels us to pretend that we do not object to things which, +nevertheless, are never-ending shocks. I have seldom undergone +anything more difficult than the walk in broad daylight, across +that courtyard to the mouth of the salt mine. We were borne up by +the fact that perhaps one hundred other women were similarly +attired, and that both men and women looked upon it as a huge joke +and nothing more. One rather incomprehensible thing struck us as we +left the attiring-room. This was the use of the leather apron. The +attendant switched it around in the back and tied it firmly in +place, and when we demanded to know the reason, she said, in +German, "It is for the swift descent."</p> +<p>Jimmie was similarly arrayed when he met us at the door, but he +seemed to know no more about it than we did. At the mouth of the +salt mine we were met by our conductor, who took us along a dark +passage, where all the lights furnished were those from the covered +candles fastened to our belts, something on the order of the +miner's lamp.</p> +<p>Further and further into the blackness we went, our shoes +grinding into the coarse salt mixed with dirt, and the dampness +smelling like the spray from the sea. Presently we came to the +mouth of something that evidently led down somewhere. Blindly +following our guide who sat astride of a pole, Jimmie planted +himself beside him, astride of the guide's back; Mrs. Jimmie, after +having absolutely refused, was finally persuaded to place herself +behind Jimmie, then came Bee, and last of all myself.</p> +<p>Our German is not fluent, nevertheless we asked many questions +of the guide, whose only instructions were to hold on tight. He +then asked us if we were ready.</p> +<p>"Ready for what?" we said.</p> +<p>"For the swift descent," he answered.</p> +<p>"The descent into what?" said Jimmie.</p> +<p>But at that, and as if disdaining our ignorance, we suddenly +began to shoot downward with fearful rapidity on nothing at all. +All at once the high polish on the leather aprons was explained to +me. We were not on any toboggan; we formed one ourselves.</p> +<p>When we arrived they said we had descended three hundred feet. +But we women had done nothing but emit piercing shrieks the entire +way, and it might have been three hundred feet or three hundred +miles, for all we knew. After our fierce refusal to start and our +horrible screams during the descent, Jimmie's disgust was something +unspeakable when we instantly said we wished we could do it again. +Our guide, however, being matter of fact, and utterly without +imagination, was as indifferent to our appreciation as he had been +to our screams.</p> +<p>He unmoored a boat, and we were rowed across a subterranean lake +which was nothing more or less than liquid salt. We were in an +enormous cavern, lighted only by candles here and there on the +banks of the lake. The walls glittered fitfully with the crystals +of salt, and there was not a sound except the dipping of the oars +into the dark water.</p> +<p>Arriving at the other side, we continued to go down corridor +after corridor, sometimes descending, sometimes mounting flights of +steps, always seeing nothing but salt—salt—salt.</p> +<p>In one place, artificially lighted, there are exhibited all the +curious formations of salt, with their beautiful crystals and +varied colours. It takes about an hour to explore the mine, and +then comes what to us was the pleasantest part of all. There is a +tiny narrow gauge road, possibly not over eighteen inches broad, +upon which are eight-seated, little open cars. It seems that, in +spite of sometimes descending, we had, after all, been ascending +most of the time, for these cars descend of their own momentum from +the highest point of the salt mine to its mouth. The roar of that +little car, the occasional parties of pedestrians we passed, +crowded into cavities in the salty walls (for the free hour had +struck), who shouted to us a friendly good luck, the salt wind +whistling past our ears and blowing out our lanterns, made of that +final ride one of the most exhilarating that we ever took.</p> +<p>But, of course, from now on in describing rides we must always +except "the swift descent."</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_IX"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> +<br> +<center>ISCHL</center> +<p>We were wondering where we should go next with the delicious +idle wonder of those who drop off the train at a moment's notice if +a fellow passenger vouchsafes an alluring description of a certain +village, or if the approach from the car window attracts. Only +those who have bound themselves down on a European tour to an +itinerary can understand the freedom and delight of idle wanderings +such as ours. We never feel compelled to go on even one mile from +where we thought for a moment we should like to stop.</p> +<p>It was Jimmie who made this plan possible, without the friction +and unnecessary expense which we should have incurred had we +followed this plan, and bought tickets from one city to another, +but in fussing around information bureaux and railway stations, +Jimmie unearthed the information that one can buy circular tickets +of a certain route, embodying from one to three months in time, and +including all the spice for a picturesque trip of Germany and +Austria, where one would naturally like to travel. By purchasing +these little books with the tickets in the form of coupons at the +railway station we saved the additional fee which the tourist agent +usually exacts, and this frugal act so filled us with joy that our +trip proved unusually expensive, for at every stop we indulged in a +small extravagance which we felt that we could well afford on +account of this accidental saving at the start. We have been so +amply repaid at every pause on our journey that it has become a +matter of pride with Jimmie and me to have no falling off from the +standard we had set. Therefore Jimmie came and sat down by me one +morning and said:</p> +<p>"Ever hear of Ischl?"</p> +<p>"No," I said, "what is it? But I warn you beforehand that I +sha'n't touch it if it's a mixture of sarsaparilla and ginger ale, +or lime juice and red ink, or anything like that thing +you—"</p> +<p>"It isn't a drink," said Jimmie, in disgust. "It's a town! If +people who read your stuff realised how little you know—"</p> +<p>"I am perfectly satisfied," I said, looking at him firmly, "that +it isn't twenty minutes since you found what Ischl is yourself. You +never learned a thing in your life that you didn't bring it to me +as though you had known it for ever, whereas your information is +always so fresh that it's still bubbling, and if Kissingen is a +town as well as a drink, why shouldn't Ischl be a drink as well as +a town?"</p> +<p>My triumphant manner was a little annoying that early in the +morning, but as Jimmie really had something to say, my gauntlet lay +where I cast it, unnoticed by the adversary.</p> +<p>"Now Ischl," said Jimmie, "is where the Austrian Emperor has his +summer residence. It is tucked up in the hills with drives which +you would call 'heavenly.' People from all over Austria gather +there during the season. There will be royalty for my wife; German +officers for Bee; heaps of people for you to stare at, and as for +me, I don't need any attraction. I can be perfectly happy where +there is no strife and where I can enjoy the delight of a small but +interesting family party."</p> +<p>I smiled at this statement, for when Jimmie is not carefully +stirring me up for argument or battle, I always feel his pulse to +see if he is ill.</p> +<p>"It will probably please Bee and Mrs. Jimmie," I said, +doubtfully, "and they have been <i>so</i> good to us at the +Achensee and Salzburg, perhaps—"</p> +<p>"That's just what I was thinking," said Jimmie. "You're a good +old sort. You're as square as a man."</p> +<p>At this, I positively gurgled with delight, for it is not once +in a million—no, not once in ten million years that Jimmie +says anything decent about me to my face. I sometimes hear rumours +of approving remarks that he makes behind my back, but I never have +been able to run any of them to earth.</p> +<p>"If Ischl is a royal country-seat," said Jimmie, "I'll bet you a +'<i>blaue cravatte</i>' for yourself against a '<i>blaue +cravatte</i>' for myself—both to come from +Charvet's—that Bee will know all about it."</p> +<p>"You can't bet with me on that because I know I'd lose. I'll bet +that they both know all about it. Let's ask them."</p> +<p>"Ever hear of Ischl, Bee?" said Jimmie, as Bee appeared as +smartly got up as if she were in New Bond Street.</p> +<p>"Did I ever hear of Ischl?" repeated Bee, in surprise. "Why, +certainly. Ischl is where Emperor Franz Josef has his summer home. +He is there now with his entire suite, and next Wednesday is his +birthday."</p> +<p>"Say 'geburt-day,' Bee," I pleaded. Nobody paid any attention. +Jimmie looked meekly at Bee.</p> +<p>"Have you decided on a hotel there?" he asked, ironically. But +Bee flinched not.</p> +<p>"There are two good ones—the 'Kaiserin Elisabeth' and the +'Goldenes Kreuz.' It will probably be very crowded, for they always +celebrate the Emperor's birthday."</p> +<p>Jimmie and I looked at each other helplessly. She knew all about +Ischl, and had intended to steer the whole four of us there, while +Jimmie and I had just heard of it, and were planning to give her a +nice little surprise!</p> +<p>Jimmie said nothing, but took his hat and went out to telegraph +for rooms.</p> +<p>"I'm glad I didn't bet with you, Jimmie," I whispered as he +passed me.</p> +<p>It is the merest suspicion of a journey from Salzburg to Ischl, +but it consumes several hours, because every inch of the country on +both sides of the car is worth looking at. The little train creeps +along now at the foot of a mountain, now at the edge of a lake, and +it is such a vision of loveliness that even those unfeeling persons +who "don't care for scenery" would be roused from their lethargy by +the gentle seductiveness of its beauty. Ischl appears when you are +least looking for it, tucked in the hollow of a mountain's arm as +lovingly as ever a baby was cradled.</p> +<p>Our rooms at the Goldenes Kreuz had a wide balcony where our +breakfasts were served, and commanded not only a view of the +mountains and valleys, and a rushing stream, but afforded us our +only meal where we could get plenty of air.</p> +<p>Our first experience in the general dining-room was a revelation +of many things. The room was air-tight. Not a window or door was +permitted to be opened the smallest crack. The men smoked all +through dinner, and quite a number of women smoked from one to a +dozen cigarettes held in all manner of curious cigarette-holders, +some of which were only a handle with a ring for the cigarette, +something like our opera-glass handles, while others were the more +familiar mouthpieces. But all were jewelled and handsome, and the +women who used them were all elderly. Two women smoked strong black +cigars, but as the smokers were very smart and went in court +society, Bee's eyes only grew round and big, and she ventured no +word of criticism.</p> +<p>But all this smoke and lack of ventilation made the air very +thick and hot and unbreathable for us, so that we complained to the +proprietor, who sympathised with us so deeply that he nearly wept, +but he assured us that Austrians were even worse than the French in +their fear of a draught, and he declared that while he would very +willingly open all the windows, and as far as he was concerned, he +himself revelled in fresh air,—nevertheless, if he should +follow our advice, his hotel would be emptied the next day of all +but our one American party.</p> +<p>In vain we reminded him that it was August. Not a window nor a +door was opened in that dining-room while we were there.</p> +<p>But we got along very well, for we are not too strenuous in our +demands,—especially when we realise that we cannot get them +acceded to,—so in lieu of air we breathed smoke, and in +watching the people we soon forgot all about it. Air is not +essential after all when royalty is present.</p> +<p>If not royalty, at least the next thing to it. The gorgeous and +glorious officers of his Majesty's suite, handsome, distinguished, +young, and ever near the throne! Bee's eyes were glued to their +table. We were afraid the poor dear would never pull through. She +scarcely ate any dinner.</p> +<p>"Bee," I whispered, pulling her dress under the table, "you +really must not pay them such marked attention. Remember your +husband and baby—far away, to be sure, but still +<i>there</i>!"</p> +<p>"What difference does it make, I should like to know," was Bee's +callous reply. "They can't speak English."</p> +<p>Now of all the irrelevant retorts!</p> +<p>Bee had so evidently capitulated to the whole lot that I stole a +few furtive glances myself, and while I was rewarded by some brief +interest from their table, and I felt sure that they were talking +about us, it seemed to me that the interest of <i>The One</i>, the +tallest, handsomest, and the one most suited for a pedestal in +Central Park, was overlooking both Bee's and my undeniable +attractions, and was concentrating all his fiery, hawk-like glances +upon Mrs. Jimmie, whose total unconsciousness of her great beauty +is one of her supreme charms. She wore a black lace gown that night +with sleeves which came not quite to her elbow; no bracelets to mar +those perfect arms, but her hands fairly loaded with rings. She +never looks at any other man except Jimmie, and Jimmie thinks that +the earth exists simply for her. Poor Jimmie never can express his +emotion in proper words, but I have seen his eyes fill with tears +of love and pride as he whispered to me, "Isn't she ripping +to-night?"</p> +<p>She certainly was "ripping" that first night at Ischl—far +more ripping than any titled dame there, upon whose mature ugliness +all her calm attention was bestowed, while I was on the verge of +collapse when I saw that Bee's love was like to go unrequited, +while Mrs. Jimmie's rings and beauty—I name her attractions +in their proper order as far as I was able to gather from the +enamoured officer's glances—snatched the prize.</p> +<p>The situation as it bade fair to develop was far, far too sacred +to permit of ribald speech, so with the greatest difficulty I held +my tongue. For my only natural confidant, Jimmie, was plainly +disqualified in this case.</p> +<p>The next morning Jimmie wanted us to drive, but I, hoping to +give matters an onward fillip, spoke so warmly in favour of a +morning stroll in the promenade "to see people" that he gave in, +and Bee's attentions to me while garbing ourselves were so marked +that I almost hoped I had been wrong the night before.</p> +<p>But alas for our ignorance of officers' duties! Not one of those +in his Majesty's suite was visible, although all the old ladies +were out in force, and some very pretty Austrian girls appeared, +smartly gowned, and most of them carrying slender little gold or +silver mounted sticks. Those sticks caught Bee's eye at once, and +she bought one before the hour was over, much to Jimmie's +disgust.</p> +<p>But his expostulations produced no effect. It seemed queer to +me—her sister—that he should waste his breath. But +Jimmie was obliged to relieve his mind by saying that it looked too +pronounced.</p> +<p>"It's all right for an Austrian," said Jimmie, wagging his head. +"But everybody knows you are an American, and it doesn't look +right."</p> +<p>"Doesn't it go with my costume, Jimmie?" demanded Bee. "Look me +over! Doesn't it match?"</p> +<p>Alas for Jimmie! It <i>did</i> match. Bee's carrying it simply +looked saucy, not loud. I couldn't have carried it—I should +have tripped over it, and fallen down. Mrs. Jimmie would have +dropped or broken it. Bee and that stick simply fitted each +other—there in Ischl! Nowhere else.</p> +<p>At luncheon, just as we were going out, the four officers came +in. We passed them in the doorway. Bee looked desperate. They lined +up to allow us to pass, and for a moment I thought Bee was going to +snatch one, and make her escape. But she compromised, on seeing +them seat themselves at the table we had just left, by sending +Jimmie back to look for her handkerchief.</p> +<p>"If that doesn't fetch an acquaintance," Bee's look seemed to +say, "with Jimmie burrowing around on the floor among their boots +and spurs, I shall have but a poor opinion of Austrian +ingenuity."</p> +<p>Jimmie was gone half an hour. When he came back, his face was +too innocent. He seated himself quietly, and after saying, "It +wasn't there, Bee," he went on smoking placidly.</p> +<p>Now, any one who knows anything about anything, cannot fail to +admit that my sister ought either to be at the head of Tammany Hall +or the army. She gave one look at Jimmie's suspiciously bland +countenance, then gathered up her gloves, her veil and stick, and +went slowly up-stairs, apparently in a brown study.</p> +<p>Jimmie is clever, but he is no match for a clever woman. No man +<i>is</i>, for that matter.</p> +<p>The moment she was out of sight, he began to chuckle.</p> +<p>"Great Scott," he whispered, bringing our three heads together +by a gesture. "If Bee knew that all those officers we just passed +went right in, and sat down at the very table we left, so that when +she sent me for her handkerchief I had to run bang into them, I +wonder if she would have gone up-stairs so calmly!"</p> +<p>"Why didn't you tell her?" I cried.</p> +<p>"I was going to—after I had got her curiosity up a little. +They were very polite, and nothing would do but I must sit down, +and have a glass of beer with them. I didn't want that, so I took a +cigar, and they all nearly fell over themselves to offer me +one—from the most beautiful cigar cases you ever saw. That +tall chap with the eyes had one of gold, with the Tzar's face done +in enamel, surmounted by the imperial crown in diamonds, and an +inscription on the inside showing that the Tzar gave it to him. I +took one out of that case for Bee's sake. I'll save her the +stub!"</p> +<p>"Did they ask any questions about us?" I said, guilelessly.</p> +<p>"Yes, heaps. And when I told them how devoted my wife was to the +Empress Elizabeth they offered to make up a party to show us two of +the shrines she built near here, and invited us to dine afterward. +So I made it for this afternoon at three. Don't tell Bee. Let's +surprise her. Her eyes will pop clear out of her head when she sees +them."</p> +<p>Within ten minutes I had told Bee everything I knew, and had +even enlarged upon it a little, and Bee, in a holy delight, was +preparing to robe herself in costly array. She solemnly promised me +to be surprised when she saw them.</p> +<p>Only two of them could leave—The One, whose name shall be +Count Andreae von Engel, and the other, Baron Oscar von Furzmann. +They had a four-seated carriage for us, while they accompanied us +on horseback.</p> +<p>That drive was one of the most romantic episodes which ever came +into my prosaic life. To be sure I was not in the romance at +all,—neither one of those bottle-green knights had an eye for +<i>me</i>—but I was there, and I saw and heard and enjoyed it +more than anybody.</p> +<p>Bee, with the craft of a fox, offered to sit riding backward +with Jimmie, knowing that she must thus perforce be face to face +with the horsemen. But in this she was outwitted by a mere man, but +a man skilled in intrigue and court diplomacy. Although the road +was narrow and dangerous, twisting over mountains and beside +rushing streams, The One, in order to feast his eyes on Mrs. +Jimmie, permitted his horse to curvet and caracole as if he were in +tourney. Jimmie, while the count was doing it, managed to whisper +to me: "Tom Sawyer showing off," but <i>I</i> knew that it was for +a second purpose which counted for even more than the first.</p> +<p>I must admit that this Austrian diplomat was very skilful, and +managed it in a way to throw the unsuspicious wholly off his guard, +for, in order not to make his manoeuvres too marked, he often rode +ahead of the carriage, when, by turning in his saddle, he could +look back and fling his ardent glances in our direction. They not +only overshot me, but glanced as harmlessly off Mrs. Jimmie's +arrow-proof armour of complete unconsciousness as if they had +hurtled aimlessly over her handsome head.</p> +<p>I was in ecstasies, for Bee's wholesome admiration of her +stunning officer and his undeniably unusual horsemanship prevented +her from being rendered in any way uncomfortable by his action, for +truth to tell, Bee <i>was</i> a target for the roving glances of +Baron von Furzmann, but he was so hopelessly the wrong man that she +not only was unaware of it then but vehemently disclaimed it when I +enlightened her later. Alas and alack! The wrong man is always the +wrong man, and never can take the place of the right man, no matter +what his country or speech.</p> +<p>It was supremely interesting to talk with men who had known the +beautiful Empress well; to whom her living beauty was as familiar +as her pictured loveliness was to us. We plied them with countless +questions as to her wonderful horsemanship, her daily appearance, +her dress, her conversation, and her learning. Their enthusiastic +praise of her was genuine and spontaneous.</p> +<p>I was dying to ask minute questions about the Crown Prince's +affair, but just enough sense was left in my make-up to know that I +must not. They might whisper their gossip to each other who knew +all of the truth anyway, but to strangers their loyalty would +compel them to suppress not only what they themselves knew but what +we knew to be the truth. Both of these officers had known Prince +Rudie well; had hunted with him; travelled with him; served with +him; had often been at his hunting-lodge Mayerling, where he died, +but, when they came to refer to this part of their narrative, they +were so visibly embarrassed that we changed the subject to the +Princess Stephanie. Here, although they were studiously careful to +put nothing into actual words, their manner plainly indicated their +contempt and dislike of the heavy Belgian Princess, who was so poor +a helpmeet for the graceful and picturesque figure of the Crown +Prince of Austria.</p> +<p>"Did you know the lady in her Majesty's suite who wrote 'The +Martyrdom of an Empress?'" I demanded, boldly.</p> +<p>Von Engel's face flushed darkly.</p> +<p>"I do not know. I am not certain," he stammered.</p> +<p>"Never mind. Don't commit yourself. She was exiled, wasn't she, +for arranging meetings between Prince Rudolph and his <i>belle +amie?</i> She was a dear thing, whoever she was, for she gave him +what was probably the only real happiness he ever knew. And when +people love each other well enough to die together, it means more +than most men and women can boast."</p> +<p>Jimmie trod on my foot just here, so I stopped, but, to his and +my surprise, Mrs. Jimmie not only agreed with me, but added:</p> +<p>"What a misfortune it is that princes and kings and queens must +marry for state reasons, so that love can play no part."</p> +<p>I don't know whether Von Engel had not then put two and two +together, so that he knew that Mrs. Jimmie had her own husband in +mind when she made that speech about love or not. I think not, for +I happened to be looking at him, and for a moment I thought he was +going to spring from his horse right into her lap.</p> +<p>To me the two loveliest women rulers of the world, the ones +whose histories I most grieve over, and with whose temperaments I +am most in sympathy, are the Empress Eugenie of the French and the +Empress Elizabeth of Austria. The Empress Elizabeth was of such a +high-strung, nervous, proud temperament that had there not been +madness in her unfortunate family, all her apparently unbalanced +acts could be accounted for by her imperious and imperial nature, +and the stigma of a mind even partially unbalanced need never have +been hers. Many a wife in the common walks of life has been driven +to more insane acts in the eyes of an unfeeling and critical world +than ever the unhappy Empress Elizabeth committed, and for the same +causes. An inhumanly tyrannical mother-in-law, the most vicious of +her vicious kind, whose chief delight was to torture the +high-strung nature she was too small to comprehend; a husband, +encouraged in his not-to-be-borne gallantries by his own mother, +this same monstrous mother-in-law of the Empress; her children's +love aborted by this same fiend in woman form—is it any +marvel that the proud Empress broke away from her splendid torture +and found a sad comfort in travel and study? The wonder of it is +that she chose so mild a remedy. She might have murdered her +husband's mother, and those who knew would have declared her +justified. If she had done so she could scarcely have suffered in +her mind more than she did.</p> +<p>When I expressed some of these opinions I discovered that both +officers looked at me with undisguised sympathy. They themselves +dared not put into words such incendiary thoughts, but they +welcomed their expression from another. This was not the first time +I had worded the inner thoughts of a company who dared not speak +out themselves, but, as catspaws are invariably burned, I cannot +lay to my soul the flattering unction that I have escaped their +common lot. Bee says I am generally burned to a cinder.</p> +<p>We had just visited the last of the shrines, which were +interesting only because erected by the Empress, when we were +overtaken by a terrific mountain storm which broke over our heads +without warning. The rain came down in torrents, but not even the +officers got wet, for they instantly produced from some mysterious +region rubber capes which completely enveloped their beautiful +uniforms.</p> +<p>I was not sure, but, in the general confusion of closing the +carriage top, I thought I saw Count Andreae whisper to Mrs. Jimmie. +I am positive I heard Von Furzmann whisper to Bee. So, not to be +outdone, I leaned over and whispered to Jimmie. I do so hate to be +left out of a thing.</p> +<p>We had a gay little supper at the Kaiserin Elisabeth, but I +could not see that Count Andreae "got any forrarder," as Jimmie +would say, for he literally could not concentrate his attention on +Mrs. Jimmie on account of Bee's attentions to him. Poor Von +Furzmann had to content himself with Jimmie and me.</p> +<p>The next day being the Emperor's birthday, the whole town was +gloriously illuminated, and the splendid old Franz +Josef—splendid in spite of his past +irregularities—appeared before his adoring people, with Bee +the most adoring of all his subjects.</p> +<p>There were any number of little parties made up after that, for, +of course, we returned the civility of the officers. But after +awhile Ischl, in spite of the bracing air, and bewitching drives, +and occasional glimpses of royalty, and daily meetings with our +beloved officers, Jimmie and I began to think longingly of green +fields and pastures new. It was a little hard on Bee, and even on +Mrs. Jimmie, to drag them away from the morning promenade, where +they always saw the rank and fashion of Austria. I wondered what +Bee's feelings would be at parting with her loved ones, for most of +our conversations lately had tended toward turning our journeyings +aside from Vienna to go north to the September manoeuvres, in which +our friends were to take part. We in turn combated this by begging +them to meet us in Italy in three months. You should have seen +their anguished faces when Jimmie and I mentioned three months! A +week's separation was more than they could think of without tying +crape on their arms. To our amazement they assured us that a leave +was out of the question. Von Engel declared that he had not had a +leave of absence for ten years and he doubted if he could obtain +one on any excuse short of a death in the family.</p> +<p>At last, however, one fine day, with farewell notes and loaded +with flowers, and with the prettiest of parting speeches, we tore +ourselves away and were off for Vienna.</p> +<p>As Bee leaned back in the railway carriage with one glove +missing, I looked to see her very low in her mind, but to my +surprise she was smiling slowly.</p> +<p>"You don't seem to mind leaving them very much," I observed, +curiously.</p> +<p>"I haven't left them for long," she replied, drawing her face +into complacent lines. "They are both coming to Vienna on +leave."</p> +<p>"On <i>leave</i>?" I cried.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_X"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> +<br> +<center>VIENNA</center> +<p>If Americans continue to flock to Europe in such numbers, the +whole country will in time be as Americanised as the hotels are +becoming. Vienna, with her beautiful Hotel Bristol, is such an +advance in modern comfort from the best of her accommodations for +travellers of a few years ago that she affords an excellent +example, although for every steam-heater, modern lift, and American +comfort you gain, you lose a quaintness and picturesqueness, the +like of which makes Europe so worth while. The whole of civilised +Europe is now engaged in a flurried debate as to the propriety of +remodelling its travelled portions for the benefit of ease-loving +American millionaires.</p> +<p>It was not the season when we arrived in Vienna, but we had +letters to the old Countess von Schimpfurmann, who had been +lady-in-waiting to the Empress Elizabeth when she first came to the +court of Austria, a mere slip of a girl, with that marvellous hair +of hers whose length was the wonder of Europe, dressed high for the +first time, but oftenest flowing silkily to the hem of her skirt. +The countess was something of an invalid, and happened to be in +town when we arrived. Her husband, the old count, had been a very +distinguished man in his day, standing high in the Emperor's +favour, and died full of years and honour, and more appreciated, so +rumour had it, by his wife in his death than in his life.</p> +<p>We also had letters from a lady whose friendship Mrs. Jimmie +made at Ischl, to her daughter-in-law, Baroness von Schumann, the +baron being attached to an Austrian commission then in Italy; to +several officers who were friends of our officers in Ischl, and, +last but not least, to a little Hungarian, to whom I had a letter +from America, who was so kind, so attentive, so fatherly to us, +that he went by the name of "Little Papa"—a soubriquet which +seemed to give him no end of pleasure.</p> +<p>Thus well equipped, we prepared to fall in love with Vienna, and +we found it an easy task, for in spite of it being out of season, +we were vastly entertained, and in all likelihood obtained a more +intimate knowledge of the inner life of our Vienna friends than we +could have done if we had arrived in the season of formal and more +elaborate entertainment.</p> +<p>The opera was there, and, with all due respect to Mr. Grau, I +must admit that we saw the most perfect production of "Faust" in +Vienna than I ever saw on any stage.</p> +<p>The carnival was going on, where no Viennese lady, so the +baroness declared, would <i>think</i> of being seen, because +confetti-throwing was only resorted to by the <i>canaille</i> (and +officers and husbands of high-born ladies, who went there with +their little friends of the ballet and chorus), but where we +<i>did</i> go, contrary to all precedent, persuading the baroness +to make up a smart party and "go slumming." Her husband being in +Italy, she had no fear of meeting <i>him</i> there, and she took +good care to send an invitation to any one who might have been +inclined to be critical, to be of the party, which, after one +mighty protest as to the propriety of it, they one and all accepted +with suspicious alacrity.</p> +<p>It was not so very amusing. It consisted of merely walking along +a broad avenue lined with booths, and flinging confetti into +people's faces. More rude than lively or even amusing, it seemed to +me, and my curiosity was so easily satisfied that I was ready to go +after a quarter of an hour. But do you think we could persuade the +other ladies to give it up? Indeed, no! Like mischievous children, +with Americans for an excuse, they remained until the last ones, +laughing immoderately when they encountered men they knew. But as +these men always claimed that they had heard we were coming, and +immediately attached themselves to our party as a sort of sheet +armour of protection against possible tales out of school, our +supper party afterward was quite large. A carnival like that in +America would end in a fight, if not in murder, for the American +loses sight of the fact that it is simply rude play, and when he +sees a handful of coloured paper flung in his wife's face, it might +as well be water or pebbles for the stirring effect it has on his +fighting blood.</p> +<p>The baroness had such a beautiful evening that she quite sighed +when it was over.</p> +<p>"Don't you ever have this in America?" she asked Bee.</p> +<p>"No, indeed," said Bee. "And if we did, we wouldn't go to it. We +reserve such frolics for Europe."</p> +<p>"Exactly as it is with us," declared the baroness; "Carl and I +always go in Paris and Nice, but here—well, we had to have +you for an excuse. I must thank you for giving us such an amusing +evening!" she added, gaily. "After all, it is so much more +diverting to catch one's friends in mischief than strangers whom no +one cares about!"</p> +<p>I suppose, in showing Vienna to us, we showed more of Vienna to +the baroness and her friends than they ever had seen before. We +went into all the booths and shows; we were in St. Stephen's Church +at sunset to see the light filter through those marvels of +stained-glass windows. Instead of stately drives in the Prater, we +took little excursions into the country and dined at blissful +open-air restaurants, with views of the Danube and distant Vienna, +which they never had seen before. They became quite enthusiastic +over seeking out new diversions for us, and, through their court +influence, I feel sure that few Americans could have got a more +intimate knowledge of Vienna than we.</p> +<p>An amusing coincidence happened while we were there, concerning +the gown Mrs. Jimmie was to be painted in. The baroness's brother, +Count Georg Brunow, was an authority on dress, and, as he designed +all the gowns for his cousin, who was also in the Emperor's suite, +he begged permission to design Mrs. Jimmie's. His English was a +little queer, so this is what he said after an anxious scrutiny of +Mrs. Jimmie's beauty:</p> +<p>"You must have a gown of white—soft white chiffon or mull +over a white satin slip. It must be very full and fluffy around the +foot, and be looped up on the skirt and around the decollete +corsage with festoons of small pink considerations."</p> +<p>"Considerations?" said Mrs. Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Carnations, you mean," said Bee.</p> +<p>"Yes, thank you. My English is so rusty. I mean pink +carnations."</p> +<p>Mrs. Jimmie thanked him, and we all discussed it approvingly. +Still, she told me privately that she would not decide until she +got back to Paris to her own man, who knew her taste and style.</p> +<p>"You know, for a portrait," said Count Georg, "you do not want +anything pronounced. It must be quite simple, so that in fifty +years it will still be beautiful."</p> +<p>When we got back to Paris, we presented ourselves before Mrs. +Jimmie's dressmaker, who has dressed her ever since she was +sixteen. She told him to design a gown for a full-length portrait. +He looked at her carefully and said, slowly:</p> +<p>"I would suggest a gown of soft white over a white satin slip. +It should be cut low in the corsage, and have no sleeves. A touch +of colour in the shape of loops of small pink roses at the foot, +heading a triple flounce of white, and on the shoulders and around +the top of the bodice. You know for a portrait, madame, you want no +epoch-making effect. It should be quite simple, so that in the +years to come it may still please the eye as a work of art and not +a creation of the dressmaker's skill."</p> +<p>Bee and I nearly had to be removed in an ambulance, and even +Mrs. Jimmie looked startled.</p> +<p>"Order it," I whispered. "Plainly, Providence has a hand in this +design. It might be dangerous to flout such a sign from +heaven."</p> +<p>All of which goes to prove that the eye of the artist is true +the world over. Or, at least, that is the deduction I drew. Bee is +more skeptical.</p> +<p>The Countess von Schimpfurmann lived in a marvellous old house, +to which we were invited again and again, her dear old politeness +causing her to give three handsome entertainments for us, so that +each could be a guest of honour at least once, and be distinguished +by a seat on the sofa. The Emperor being at Ischl, we were +permitted all sorts of intimate privileges with the Imperial +Residenz, the court stables and private views not ordinarily shown +to travellers, which were more interesting from being personally +conducted than by the marvels we saw, for several years of +continuous travel rather blunt one's ecstasy and effectively wear +out one's adjectives.</p> +<p>Again, as in Munich, we were never tired of the +picture-galleries, the whole school of German and Austrian art +being quite to our taste, while if there exists anywhere else a +more wonderful collection of original drawings of such masters as +Raphael, Durer, Rubens, and Rembrandt which comprise the Albertina +in the palace of the Archduke Albert, I do not know of it.</p> +<p>The old countess had numerous anecdotes to tell of the beautiful +Empress, all of which confirmed and strengthened my belief that she +was most of all a glorious woman gloriously misunderstood by her +nearest and dearest. What other prince or princess of Europe in all +history turned to so noble a pursuit as culture, learning, and +travel to cure a broken heart and a wrecked existence in the +majestic manner of this silent, haughty, noble soul? The excesses, +dissipation, and intrigue which served to divert other bruised +royal hearts were as far beneath this imperial nature as if they +did not exist. Her life, in its crystal purity and its scorn of +intrigue, is unique in royal history. Yet she, this blameless +princess, this woman of imperial beauty, this noblest of all +empresses, was marked to be stricken down by the red hand of +anarchy, to whose crime, and poison, and danger we open our +national ports with an unwisdom which is criminal stupidity, and of +which we shall inevitably reap the benefit. America cannot warm the +asp of anarchy in her bosom without expecting it to turn and sting +her.</p> +<p>The deference paid to royalty is so difficult of comprehension +to the republican mind that every time we encountered it it gave us +a separate shock of surprise. At least, it gave it to me. I have an +idea from the way events finally shaped themselves that Bee and +Mrs. Jimmie were a little more alive to its possibilities than I +was.</p> +<p>The Bristol was quite full when we arrived and Jimmie could not +get communicating rooms, nor very good ones. I did not particularly +notice it at the time, but I remembered afterward that Bee kept +urging him to change them, and Jimmie made two or three endeavours, +but seemed to obtain no favour at the hands of the proprietor.</p> +<p>One morning, however, when Jimmie started to leave the +sitting-room, he opened the door and closed it again suddenly. We +were sitting there waiting for breakfast to be served, and we were +all three struck by the expression on his face.</p> +<p>"What's the matter, Jimmie?"</p> +<p>He looked at us queerly.</p> +<p>"What have you three been up to?" he asked.</p> +<p>"Nothing. Honestly and truly!" we cried. "What's out in the +hall? Or are you just pretending?"</p> +<p>"The hall is full of menials and officials and gold lace and +brass buttons. I hope you haven't done anything to be arrested +for!"</p> +<p>Bee began to look knowing, and just then came a knock at the +door.</p> +<p>"If you please," said the interpreter, bowing at every other +word, "here is one of the Emperor's couriers just from Ischl, with +despatches from the court of his Imperial Majesty for the ladies if +they are ready to receive them. The courier had orders not to +disturb their sleep. He waited here in the corridor until he heard +voices. Will the excellent ladies be pleased to receive them? His +orders are to wait for answers."</p> +<p>Jimmie signified that we would receive them, when forth stepped +a man in the imperial liveries and handed him a packet on a silver +tray. Jimmie had the wit to lay a gold piece on the tray, at which +the courier almost knelt to express his thanks. The other +attendants drew long envious breaths.</p> +<p>The door was shut, and Mrs. Jimmie and Bee opened their letters. +Both were from Count Andreae von Engel, saying that he and Von +Furzmann, rendered desperate by the near departure of his Majesty +for the manoeuvres, had resolved to risk dismissal from his suite +by absence without leave. The letter said that on that +day—the day on which it was written—they had both +attended his Majesty on a hunt, and as he seldom hunted with the +same officers two days in succession, they bade fair not to be on +duty after noon the next day. Therefore, if we heard nothing to the +contrary, they would leave Ischl on the one o'clock train in +uniform, as if on official business. Their servants would board the +train at Gmund with citizens' clothes, and they would be with us +soon after seven that night. They begged leave to dine with us in +our private dining-room that evening, and would we be so gracious +as to receive them until midnight, when they must take train for +Ischl, and be on duty in uniform by seven in the morning.</p> +<p>I simply shrieked, as I looked at Jimmie's perplexed face.</p> +<p>"What shall we do?" he said. "We can't have 'em here! We must +stop 'em! Get a telegraph blank, Bee! We haven't any private +dining-room, anyhow, and if they got caught we might be dragged +into it! Well, what is it?"</p> +<p>He turned to the door half savagely, and there stood the +proprietor, with some ten or twelve servants at his heels.</p> +<p>"You were speaking to me the other day about better rooms? Will +it please you to look at some on the second floor, which have never +been occupied since they were done over? There are five rooms <i>en +suite</i>—just about what your Excellency desires."</p> +<p>Jimmie turned to us with a sickly grin.</p> +<p>We all waited for Mrs. Jimmie to speak.</p> +<p>"Jimmie, dear," she said at last, "if you don't object, I think +it would be very nice to take those rooms, and entertain the +gentlemen this evening. Of course, they cannot be seen in the +public dining-room, and, after all, they <i>are</i> gentlemen and +in the Emperor's suite, so their attentions to us, while a little +more pronounced than we are accustomed to, <i>are</i> an +honour."</p> +<p>Jimmie said nothing, but went to the door and signified that we +would look at the rooms.</p> +<p>We did look; we took them, and before noon every handsome piece +of furniture from all over the house had been placed in our suite; +flowers were everywhere, and servants fairly swarmed at our +commands.</p> +<p>Jimmie, in reality, was not at all pleased by any of this, but +he has such a blissful sense of humour that he could not help +seeing the pitiful front it put upon human nature, both Austrian +and American. He permitted himself, however, only one remark. This +was now done with his wife's sanction, and loyalty to her closed +his lips. But he beckoned me over to the window, and, handing me a +paper-knife, he turned up the sole of his shoe, saying:</p> +<p>"Scrape 'em off!"</p> +<p>"Scrape what off, Jimmie?"</p> +<p>"The servants! I haven't been able to step to-day without +crushing a dozen of 'em!"</p> +<p>As I turned away he called out:</p> +<p>"There aren't any on the shoes I wore yesterday!"</p> +<p>A rumour somewhat near the truth had swept through the hotel, +for wherever we appeared we found ourselves the object of the +deepest attention, not only by the slavish minions of the hotel +from the proprietor down, but from the other guests.</p> +<p>It was so pronounced that my feeble spirit quaked, so to borrow +some of my sister's soul-sustaining joy, I went into her room and +said:</p> +<p>"Bee, what does all this mean, anyhow? Where will it land +us?"</p> +<p>Bee's eyes gleamed.</p> +<p>"If you aren't actually blind to opportunity," she said, slowly, +"you certainly are hopelessly near-sighted. Don't you understand +how nobody can do anything or be anybody without royal approval? +Haven't you seen enough here to-day, to say nothing of the +attentions we had from women in Ischl, to know what all this counts +for?"</p> +<p>"Yes, I know," I hastened to say. "But what of these men? You +know what they will think; they are Austrians, Russians, and +Hungarians, remember, not Americans!"</p> +<p>Bee laughed.</p> +<p>"A man is a man," she said, sententiously. "Don't worry for fear +the poor dears' hearts will be broken. Now I'll tell you something. +Mrs. Jimmie's sincere indifference and my silent eye-homage have +stirred these blasé officers out of their usual calm. There +you have the whole thing. Von Engel thinks Mrs. Jimmie's +indifference is assumed, and both Von Engel and Von Furzmann are +determined that my silence shall voice itself. I have no doubt that +they would like to have me <i>write</i> it, so that they could +boast of it afterward to their fellow officers. Now, as Jimmie +would say in his frightful slang, 'I'm going to give them a run for +their money.' Von Engel will probably beseech you to arrange to +keep Jimmie at your side, so that he can have a few words with Mrs. +Jimmie. Von Furzmann will plead with you to permit him a word with +me. I need hardly tell you that your role to-night is to make +yourself as disagreeable as possible to both of them by keeping the +conversation general, and by cutting in at any attempt at a +<i>tête-à-tête</i>."</p> +<p>I felt limp and weak. "And all this display, this dinner, this +added expense?"</p> +<p>"Part of the game, my dear!"</p> +<p>"And the end of it all? When they come back from the +manoeuvres?"</p> +<p>"We shall be gone! Without a word!"</p> +<p>"Then this <i>isn't</i> a flirtation?"</p> +<p>"Only on their parts. They are after our scalps. But we are +actuated by the true missionary spirit."</p> +<p>We leaned over and shook hands solemnly. I do <i>love</i> +Bee!</p> +<p>That night—shall I ever forget it? Those stunning men +dashed into our rooms muffled in military cloaks, which they tossed +aside with such grace that they nearly secured <i>my</i> scalp, for +all they were after Bee's and Mrs. Jimmie's. They were in velveteen +hunting costumes; we in the smartest of evening dress. Jimmie had +given his fancy free rein in ordering the dinner, but, to his +amazement and indignation, the little game being played by the rest +of us so surprised and baffled our guests that Jimmie's delicacies +were removed with course after course untasted. The officers +searched the brilliant room with their eyes, hoping for a quiet +nook, or balcony. There was none, and their disguise effectually +prevented them from suggesting to go out. I saw that, finally, they +pinned their hopes to me, and the way I clung to Jimmie to prevent +their speaking to me almost roused his suspicions that I was in +love with him. We stuck doggedly to the table, even after dinner +was over and the servants dismissed. Finally, Von Furzmann, who +spoke English rather well, rose in a determined manner, and quite +forgetful of our proximity, said to Bee in a loud, distinct +tone:</p> +<p>"My heart is on fire!"</p> +<p>It was too much. Jimmie and I led the way in a general shout of +laughter, and then, as a happy family party, we adjourned to the +single salon, where we grouped ourselves together, and, strive as +they might, the officers could not outwit my sister nor upset her +plan.</p> +<p>Toward midnight, when the hour of parting drew near, they grew +so desperate I almost feared that they would say something rash. +But they were diplomats and game. Occasionally a gleam of suspicion +would appear on their countenances—it was so very unusual, I +imagined, for their plans so persistently to miscarry—but +both Bee and I have an extremely guiltless and innocent eye, and we +used an unwinking gaze of genial friendliness which disarmed +them.</p> +<p>At last they flung their cloaks around them, as their servants +announced their carriage for the third time.</p> +<p>"<i>Such</i> an evening!" moaned Von Engel.</p> +<p>It might mean anything!</p> +<p>Bee bit her lip.</p> +<p>"I was never more loath to leave. Promise that you will be here +when we return. It will only be ten days! Promise us!"</p> +<p>"I hardly think—" began Jimmie, but Bee trod on his +foot.</p> +<p>"Ouch!" said Jimmie, fiercely.</p> +<p>"I beg your pardon, Jimmie, dear!" murmured Bee. "It is +possible," said Bee to Von Engel. "We never make plans, you know. +We go whenever we are bored, or when we have nothing pleasant to +look forward to."</p> +<p>"Oh, then, pray remain! We shall <i>fly</i> to see you the +moment we are free!"</p> +<p>"That surely is an inducement," said Bee, with a little laugh, +which caused Von Engel to colour.</p> +<p>Von Engel's servant, under pretext of arranging the collar of +his master's cloak, here whispered peremptorily to him, and the +officer started with a hurried "Yes, yes!" to his servant.</p> +<p>They bent and kissed our hands, and Von Furzmann, in the +violence of his emotion, flung his arms around Jimmie and kissed +him on the cheek. Then they dashed away down the long corridor, +looking back and waving their hands to us.</p> +<p>Jimmie came into the room with his hand on the spot where Von +Furzmann had kissed him.</p> +<p>"Well, I'll be damned!" he said. "That was all <i>your</i> +fault," he added, looking at Bee.</p> +<p>"I've always said somebody would steal you, Jimmie!" I said.</p> +<p>"Did you enjoy yourself, dear?" asked Mrs. Jimmie kindly of +Bee.</p> +<p>Bee stood up yawning.</p> +<p>"Oh, I don't know," she said. "These officers try to be so +impressive. They urge you to take a little more pepper in the same +tone that they would ask you to elope."</p> +<p>Jimmie beamed on her.</p> +<p>When Bee and I were alone, I dropped limply on the bed. Bee +turned to the light and read a crumpled note which Von Furzmann had +thrust into her hand at parting. She handed it to me:</p> +<p>"I shall write every day, and shall count the hours until I see +you again!" it read. I could just hear him shouting, "My heart is +on fire!"</p> +<p>"Well, did you enjoy it?" I asked her.</p> +<p>"Enjoy it? Certainly not!"</p> +<p>"Why, I thought you were having the time of your life!" I +cried.</p> +<p>She laughed.</p> +<p>"Oh, yes, in a way it was amusing. But did it ever occur to you +that it wasn't very flattering for those two unmarried officers to +select the two married women in our party for their attentions when +you, being unmarried, were the only legitimate object of their +interest?"</p> +<p>I said nothing. To tell the truth I had <i>not</i> thought of +it.</p> +<p>"No, these officers need just a few kinks taken out of their +brains concerning women, and I propose to do it. I told Jimmie +to-day that if he would be handsome about to-night, I would start +to-morrow for Moscow. Mrs. Jimmie is perfectly willing, and I know +you are dying to get on to Tolstoy. I've only stayed over for +to-night. I knew this was coming when we were in Ischl, and I +wanted them to see how lightly we viewed their risking dismissal +from his Majesty's service for us. We have paid up all our +indebtedness to everybody else, so nothing but farewell calls need +detain us."</p> +<p>"And the officers?" I stammered. "How will they know?"</p> +<p>"I'll get Jimmie to send them a wire saying we have gone. They +won't know where. Hurry up and turn out the lights. They hurt my +eyes."</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_XI"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> +<br> +<center>MY FIRST INTERVIEW WITH TOLSTOY</center> +<p>At the critical point of relating the difficulty attending my +first audience with Tolstoy, I am constrained to mention a few of +the obstacles encountered by a person bearing indifferent letters +of introduction, and if by so doing I persuade any man or woman to +write one worthy letter introducing one strange man or woman in a +foreign country to a foreign host, I shall feel that I have not +lived in vain.</p> +<p>No one, who has not travelled abroad unknown and depending for +all society upon written introductions, can form any idea of the +utter inadequacy of the ordinary letter of introduction. When I +first announced my intention of several years' travel in Europe, I +accepted the generously offered letters of friends and +acquaintances, and, in some instances, of kind persons who were +almost total strangers to me, careless of the wording of these +letters and only grateful for the goodness of heart they +evinced.</p> +<p>In one instance, a man who had lived in Berlin sent me a dozen +of his visiting-cards, on the reverse side of which were written +the names of his German friends and under them the scanty words, +"Introducing Miss So-and-So." He took pains also to call upon me +several times, and to ask as a special favour that I would present +these letters. Forgetful of the fact that his German acquaintances +would have no idea who I was, that there was no explanation upon +the card, and without thinking that he would not take the trouble +to write letters of explanation beforehand, I presented these +twelve cards without the least reluctance, simply because I had +given my word. Out of the twelve, ten returned my calls and we +discussed nothing more important than the weather. We knew nothing +of each other except our names, and all of these I dare say were +mispronounced. Two out of the twelve entertained me at dinner, and +three years afterward, when I returned to America, I received a +letter of the sincerest apology from one, saying that she had +learned more of me through the ambassador, and reproaching me for +not having volunteered information about myself, which might have +led at least to conversation of a more intimate nature.</p> +<p>I was armed at that time with many of these visiting-cards of +introduction, and after this instance I filed them with great care +in the waste-basket. I then examined my other letters. It is idle +to describe to those who have never depended upon such documents in +foreign countries the inadequacy of half of them. In spite of the +kindest intentions, they were really worthless.</p> +<p>It was only after I got to Poland and Russia, where the +hospitality springs from the heart, that my introductions began to +bear fruit satisfactory to a sensitive mind. It is, therefore, with +feelings of the liveliest appreciation that I look back on the +letter given me by Ambassador White in Berlin to Count Leo Tolstoy. +A lifetime of diplomacy, added to the sincerest and most generous +appreciation of what an ideal hospitality should be, have served to +make this representative of the American people perfect in details +of kindness, which can only be fully appreciated when one is far +from home. Nothing short of the completeness and yet brevity of +this letter would have served to obtain an audience with that great +author, who must needs protect himself from the idle and curious, +and the only drawback to my first interview with Tolstoy was the +fact that I had to part company with this precious letter. It was +so kind, so generous, so appreciative, that up to the time I +relinquished it, I cured the worst attacks of homesickness simply +by reading it over, and from the lowest depths of despair it not +only brought me back my self-respect, but so exquisitely tickled my +vanity that I was proud of my own acquaintance with myself.</p> +<p>My introduction to Princess Sophy Golitzin, in Moscow, was of +such a sort that we at once received an invitation from her to meet +her choicest friends, at her house the next day. When we arrived, +we found some thirty or forty charming Russians in a long, +handsomely furnished salon, all speaking their own language. But +upon our approach, every one began speaking English, and so +continued during our stay. Twice, however, little groups fell into +French and German at the advent of one or two persons who spoke no +English.</p> +<p>Russians do not show off at their best in foreign environments. +I have met them in Germany, France, England, Italy, and America, +and while their culture is always complete, their distinguishing +trait is their hospitality, generous and free beyond any I have +ever known, which, of course, is best exploited in their own +country and among their own people.</p> +<p>At the Princess Golitzin's, I was told that the Countess Tolstoy +and her daughter had been there earlier in the afternoon, but, +owing to the distance at which they lived, they had been obliged to +leave early. They, however, left their compliments for all of us, +and asked the princess to say that they had remained as long as +they had dared, hoping for the pleasure of meeting us.</p> +<p>Being only a modest American, I confess that I opened my eyes +with wonder that a personage of such renown as the Countess +Tolstoy, the wife of the greatest living man of letters, should +take the trouble to leave so kind a message for me.</p> +<p>When Bee and Mrs. Jimmie heard it, they treated me with almost +the same respect as when they discovered that I knew the head +waiter at Baden-Baden. But not quite.</p> +<p>As, however, our one ambition in coming to Russia had been to +see Tolstoy himself, we at once began to ask questions of the +princess as to how we might best accomplish our object, but to our +disappointment her answers were far from encouraging. He was, I was +told by everybody, ill, cross as a bear, and in the throes of +composition. Could there be a worse possible combination for my +purpose?</p> +<p>So much was said discouraging our project that Jimmie was for +giving it up, but I think one man never received three such +simultaneously contemptuous glances as we three levelled at Jimmie +for his craven suggestion. So it happened that one Sunday morning +we took a carriage, and, having invited the consul, who spoke +Russian, we drove to Tolstoy's town house, some little distance out +of Moscow.</p> +<p>We gave the letter and our visiting-cards to the consul, and he +explained our wish to see Tolstoy to the footman who answered our +ring. Having evidently received instructions to admit no one, he +not only refused us admittance, but declined to take our cards. The +consul translated his refusal, and seemed vanquished, but I urged +him to make another attempt, and he did so, which was followed by +the announcement that the countess was asleep, and the count was +out. This being translated to me, I announced, in cheerful English +which the footman could not understand, that both of these +statements were lies, and for my part I had no doubt that the +footman was a direct descendant of Beelzebub.</p> +<p>"Tell him that you know better," I said. "Tell him that we know +the count is too ill to leave the house, and that the countess +could not possibly be asleep at this time of day. Tell him if he +expects us to believe him, to make up a better one than that."</p> +<p>"Say something," urged Bee. "Get us inside the house, if no +more."</p> +<p>"Tell him how far we have come, and how anxious we are to see +the count," said Mrs. Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Oh, better give it up," said Jimmie, "and come on home."</p> +<p>The consul obligingly made the desired effort, evidently +combining all of our instructions, politely softened by his own +judgment. The footman's face betrayed no yielding, and in order the +better to refuse to take our cards he put his hands behind him.</p> +<p>"You see, it's no use," said the consul. "Hadn't we better give +it up?"</p> +<p>"He won't let you in," said Jimmie, "so don't make a fuss."</p> +<p>"I shall make no fuss," I said, quietly. "But I'll get in, and +I'll see Tolstoy, and I'll get all the rest of you in. Give me +those cards."</p> +<p>I took two rubles from my purse, and, taking the cards and +letter, I handed them all to the footman, saying in lucid +English:</p> +<p>"We are coming in, and you are to take these cards to Count +Tolstoy."</p> +<p>At the same time, I pointed a decisive forefinger in the +direction in which I thought the count was concealed. The +obsequious menial took our cards, bowed low, and invited us to +enter with true servant's hospitality.</p> +<p>In all Russian houses, as, doubtless, everybody knows, the first +floor is given up to an <i>antechambre</i>, where guests remove +their wraps and goloshes, and behind this room are the kitchen and +servants' quarters. All the living-rooms of the family are +generally on the floor above. Having once entered this +<i>antechambre</i>, my Bob Acres courage began to ooze.</p> +<p>"Now, I am not going to be rude," I said. "We'll just pretend to +be taking off our wraps until we find whether we can be received. I +don't mind forcing myself on a servant, but I do object to +inconveniencing the master of the house.</p> +<p>"You're weakening," said Jimmie, derisively. "You're +scared!"</p> +<p>"I am not," I declared, indignantly. "I am only trying to be +polite, and it's a hard pull, I can tell you, when I want anything +as much as I want to see Tolstoy. If he won't see us after he reads +that letter, I can at least go away knowing that I put forth my +best efforts to see him, but if I had taken a servant's refusal, I +should feel myself a coward."</p> +<p>I looked anxiously at my friends for approval. Jimmie and the +consul looked dubious, but Bee and Mrs. Jimmie patted me on the +back and said I had done just right.</p> +<p>While we were engaged in this conversation, and while the man +was still up-stairs, the door from the kitchen burst open, and in +came a handsome young fellow of about eighteen, whistling. Now my +brother whistles and slams doors just like this young Russian. So +my understanding of boys made me feel friendly with this one at +once. Seeing us, he stopped and bowed politely.</p> +<p>"Good morning," I said, cheerfully. "We are Americans, and we +have travelled five thousand miles for the purpose of seeing Count +Tolstoy, and when we got here this morning the servant wouldn't +even let us in until I made him, and we are waiting to see if the +count will receive us."</p> +<p>"Why, I am just sure papa will see you," said the boy in perfect +English. "How disgusting of Dmitri. He is a blockhead, that Dmitri. +I shall tell mamma how he treated you. The idea of leaving you +standing down here while he took your cards up."</p> +<p>"It is partly our fault," I said, defending Dmitri. "We sent him +up to ask."</p> +<p>"Nevertheless, he should have had you wait in the salon. Dmitri +is a fool."</p> +<p>"His manner wasn't very cordial," I admitted, as we followed him +up-stairs and into a large well-furnished, but rather plain, room +containing no ornaments.</p> +<p>"But as I had a letter from the ambassador," I went on, "I felt +that I must at least present it."</p> +<p>The boy turned back, as he started to leave the room, and +said:</p> +<p>"Oh! From Mr. White? Your ambassador wrote about you, and also +some friends of ours from Petersburg. Papa has been expecting you +this long time. He would have been so annoyed if he had failed to +see you. I'll tell him how badly Dmitri treated you. What must you +think of the Russians?"</p> +<p>He said all this hurrying to the door to find his father. We sat +down and regarded each other in silence. Jimmie and the consul +looked into their hats with a somewhat sheepish countenance. Bee +cleared her throat with pleasure, and Mrs. Jimmie carefully assumed +an attitude of unstudied grace, smoothing her silk dress over her +knee with her gloved hand, and involuntarily looking at her glove +the way we do in America. Then the door opened and Count Tolstoy +came in.</p> +<p>To begin with, he speaks perfect English, and his cordial +welcome, beginning as he entered the door, continued while he +traversed the length of the long room, holding out both hands to +me, in one of which was my letter from the ambassador. He examined +our party with as much curiosity and interest as we studied him. He +wore the ordinary peasant's costume. His blue blouse and white +under-garment, which showed around the neck, had brown stains on it +which might be from either coffee or tobacco. His eyes were set +widely apart and were benignant and kind in expression. His brow +was benevolent, and counteracted the lower part of his face, which +in itself would be pugnacious. His nose was short, broad, and +thick. His jaw betrayed the determination of the bulldog. The +combination made an exceedingly interesting study. His coarse +clothes formed a curious contrast to the elegance of his speech and +the grace of his manner. He was simple, unaffected, gentle, and +possessed, in common with all his race, the trait upon which I have +remarked before, a keen, intelligent interest in America and +Americans.</p> +<p>While he was still welcoming us and apologising for the +behaviour of his servant, the countess came in, followed by the +young countess, their daughter. The Countess Tolstoy has one of the +sweetest faces I ever saw, and, although she has had thirteen +children, she looks as if she were not over forty-three years old. +Her smooth brown hair had not one silver thread, and its gloss +might be envied by many a girl of eighteen. Her eyes were brown, +alert, and fun-loving, her manner quick, and her speech +enthusiastic. Her plain silk gown was well made, and its richness +was in strange contrast to the peasant's costume of her illustrious +husband.</p> +<p>The little countess had short red brown hair parted on the side +like a boy's and softly waving about her face, red brown eyes, and +a skin so delicate that little freckles showed against its +clearness. Her modest, quiet manner gave her at once an air of +breeding. Her manner was older and more subdued than that of her +mother, from whom the cares and anxieties of her large family and +varied interests had evidently rolled softly and easily, leaving no +trace behind.</p> +<p>All three of them began questioning us about our plans, our +homes, our families, wondering at the ease with which we took long +journeys, envying our leisure to enjoy ourselves, and constantly +interrupting themselves with true expressions of welcome.</p> +<p>It is, perhaps, only a fair example of the bountiful hospitality +we received all through Poland and Russia to chronicle here that +Count Tolstoy invited us to his house in the country, whither they +expected to go shortly, to remain several months, and, as he +afterward explained it, "for as long as you can be happy with +us."</p> +<p>His book on "What is Art?" was then attracting a great deal of +attention, but he was deeply engaged in the one which has since +appeared, first under the title of "The Awakening," and afterward +called "Resurrection." It is said that he wrote this book twelve +years ago, and only rewrote it at the instance of the publishers, +but no one who has met Tolstoy and become acquainted with him can +doubt that he has been collecting material, thinking, planning, and +writing on that book for a lifetime.</p> +<p>Many consider Tolstoy a <i>poseur</i>, but he sincerely believes +in himself. He had only the day before worked all day in the shop +of a peasant, making shoes for which he had been paid fifty +copecks, and we were told that not infrequently he might be seen +working in the forest or field, bending his back to the same +burdens as his peasants, sharing their hardships, and receiving no +more pay than they.</p> +<p>It was a wonderful experience to sit opposite him, to look into +his eyes, and to hear him talk.</p> +<p>"It is a great country, yours," he said. "To me the most +interesting in the world just at present. What are you going to do +with your problems? How are you going to deal with anarchy and the +Indian and negro questions? You have a blessed liberty in your +country."</p> +<p>"If you will excuse me for saying so, I think we have a very +<i>un</i>blessed liberty in our country! Too much liberty is what +has brought about the very conditions of anarchy and the race +problem which now threaten us."</p> +<p>"Do you think the negroes ought not to have been given the +franchise?"</p> +<p>"That is a difficult question," I said. "Let me answer it by +giving you another. Is it a good thing to turn loose on a young +republic a mass of consolidated ignorance, such as the average +negro represented at the close of the war, and put votes into their +hands with not one restraining influence to counteract it? You +continentals can form no idea of the Southern negro. The case of +your serfs is by no means a parallel. But it is too late now. You +cannot take the franchise away from them. They must work out their +own salvation."</p> +<p>"Would you take it away from them, if you could?" asked +Tolstoy.</p> +<p>"Most certainly I would," I answered, "although my opinion is of +no value, and I am only wasting your time by expressing it. I would +take away the franchise from the negroes and from all foreigners +until they had lived in our country twenty-one years, as our +American men must do, and I would establish a property and +educational qualification for every voter. I would not permit a man +to vote upon property issues unless he were a property owner."</p> +<p>"Would you enfranchise the women?" asked the countess.</p> +<p>"I would, but under the same conditions."</p> +<p>"But would your best element of women exercise the privilege?" +asked the little countess.</p> +<p>"Not all of them at first, and some of them never, I suppose; +but when once our country awakens to the meaning of patriotism, and +our women understand that they are citizens exactly as the men are +citizens, they will do their duty, and do it more conscientiously +than the men."</p> +<p>"It is a very interesting subject," said the count; "and your +suggestions open up many possibilities. Women do vote in several of +your States, I am told."</p> +<p>"How I would love to see a woman who had voted," cried the +countess, clasping her hands with all the vivacity of a French +woman.</p> +<p>"Why, I have voted," said Bee, laughing. "I voted for President +McKinley in the State of Colorado, and my sister and Mrs. Jimmie +voted for school trustee in Illinois." All three of the Tolstoys +turned eagerly toward Bee.</p> +<p>"Do tell me about it," said the count.</p> +<p>"There is very little to tell. I simply went and stood in line +and cast my ballot."</p> +<p>"But was there no shooting, no bribery, no excitement?" cried +the countess. "Do they go dressed as you are now?"</p> +<p>"No, I dressed much better. I wore my best Paris gown, and drove +down in my victoria. While I was in the line half a dozen +gentlemen, who attended my receptions, came up and chatted with me, +showed me how to fold my ballot, and attended me as if we were at a +concert. When I came away, I took a street-car home, and sent my +carriage for several ladies who otherwise would not have come."</p> +<p>"And you," said the countess, turning to Mrs. Jimmie.</p> +<p>"It was in a barber shop," she said, laughing. "When I went in, +the men had their feet on the table, their hats on their heads, and +they were all smoking, but at my entrance all these things changed. +Hats came off, cigars were laid down, and feet disappeared. I was +politely treated, and enjoyed it immensely."</p> +<p>"How very interesting," said Tolstoy. "But are there not +societies for and against suffrage? Why do your women combine +against it?"</p> +<p>"Because American women have not awakened to the meaning of good +citizenship, and they prefer chivalry to justice, regardless of the +love of country. I never belonged to any suffrage society, never +wrote or spoke or talked about it. I think the responsibility of +voting would be heavy and often disagreeable, but, if the women +were enfranchised, I would vote from a sense of duty, just as I +think many others would; and, as to the good which might accrue, I +think you will agree with me that women's standards are higher than +men's. There would be far less bribery in politics than there is +now."</p> +<p>"Is there much bribery?" asked Tolstoy.</p> +<p>"Unfortunately, I suppose there is. Have you heard how the +ex-Speaker of the House of Representatives, Tom Reed, defines an +honest man in politics? 'An honest man is a man that will stay +bought!'"</p> +<p>There is no use in denying the truth. Tolstoy is always the +teacher and the author. I could not imagine him the husband and the +father. He seemed in the act of getting copy, and had a way of +asking a question, and then scrutinising both the question and the +answer as one who had set a mechanical toy in motion by winding it +up. Tolstoy would make an excellent reporter for an American +newspaper. He could obtain an interview with the most reticent +politician. But I had a feeling that his methods were as the +methods of Goethe.</p> +<p>His wife evidently does not share his own opinion of himself. +She listened with obvious impatience to the conversation, then she +drew Bee and Mrs. Jimmie aside, and they were soon in the midst of +an animated discussion of the Rue de la Paix.</p> +<p>Tolstoy overheard snatches of their talk without a sign of +disapproval. I have seen a big Newfoundland watch the graceful +antics of a kitten with the same air of indifference with which +Tolstoy regarded his wife's humanity and naturalness. Tolstoy takes +himself with profound seriousness, but, in spite of his influence +on Russia and the outside world, the great teacher has been unable +to cure his wife's interest in millinery.</p> +<p>Nordau told me in Paris that Tolstoy was a combination of genius +and insanity. Undoubtedly Tolstoy is actuated by a genuine desire +to free Russia, but the idea was unmistakably imbedded in my mind +that his Christianity was like Napoleon's description of a Russian. +Scratch it and you would find Tartar fanaticism under it,—the +fanaticism of the ascetic who would drive his own flesh and blood +into the flames to save the soul of his domestics. This impression +grew as I watched the attitude of the countess toward her husband. +What must a wife think of such a husband's views of marriage when +she is the mother of thirteen of his children? What must she think +of insincerity when he refuses to copyright his books because he +thinks it wrong to take money for teaching, yet permits <i>her</i> +to copyright them and draw the royalties for the support of the +family?</p> +<p>Her opinion of her famous husband lies beneath her manner, +covered lightly by a charming and graceful impatience,—the +impatience of a spoiled child.</p> +<p>When we got into the carriage I said:</p> +<p>"Well?"</p> +<p>"Well," said our friend the consul, who had not spoken during +the interview, "he is the queerest man I ever met. But how he +pumped you!"</p> +<p>"We are all 'copy' to him," said Jimmie. "He wanted information +at first hand."</p> +<p>"Sometime he may succeed in convincing his daughter," said Mrs. +Jimmie, "but never his wife. She knows him too well."</p> +<p>"Yet he seemed interested in you and Jimmie," said Bee, +ruefully. Then more cheerfully, "but we're asked to come +again!"</p> +<p>"We are living documents; that's why."</p> +<p>"What do you think of him?" said Jimmie to me with a grin of +comradeship.</p> +<p>"I don't know. My impressions have got to settle and be skimmed +and drained off before I know."</p> +<p>"Well, we'll go to their reception anyway," said Bee, +comfortably, with the air of one who had no problems to wrestle +with.</p> +<p>"What are you going to wear?"</p> +<p>To be sure! That was the main question after all. What were we +going to wear?</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_XII"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> +<br> +<center>AT ONE OF THE TOLSTOY RECEPTIONS</center> +<p>When we arrived the next evening, it was to find a curious +situation. The Countess Tolstoy and her daughter and young son, in +European costume,—the countess in velvet and lace, and the +little countess in a pretty taffeta silk,—were receiving +their guests in the main salon, and later served them to a +magnificent supper with champagne. The count, we were told, was +elsewhere receiving his guests, who would not join us. Later he +came in, still in his peasant's costume, and refused all +refreshment. He was exceedingly civil to all his guests, but +signalled out the Americans in a manner truly flattering.</p> +<p>It was a charming evening, and we met agreeable people, but, +although they stayed late, we remained, at Tolstoy's request, still +later, and when the last guest had departed, we sat down, drawing +our chairs quite close together after the manner of a cheerful +family party.</p> +<p>After inquiring how we had spent our day, and giving us some +valuable hints about different points of interest for the morrow, +Tolstoy plunged at once into the conversation which had been broken +off the day before. It was evident that he had been thinking about +our country, and was eager for more information.</p> +<p>"I became very well acquainted with your ambassador, Mr. White, +while he was in this country," he began. "I found him a man of wide +experience, of great culture, and of much originality in thought. I +learned a great deal about America from him. It must be wonderful +to live in a country where there is no Orthodox Church, where one +can worship as one pleases, and where every one's vote is +counted."</p> +<p>Jimmie coughed politely, and looked at me.</p> +<p>"It encourages individuality," he added. "Do you not find your +own countrymen more individual than those of any other nation?" he +added, addressing Jimmie directly for the first time.</p> +<p>"I think I do," said Jimmie, carefully weighing out his words as +if on invisible scales. Jimmie is largely imbued with that absurd +fear of a man who has written books, which is to me so +inexplicable.</p> +<p>"Your country appeals to Russians, strongly," pursued the count, +evidently bent upon drawing Jimmie out.</p> +<p>"I have often wondered why," said Jimmie. "It couldn't have been +the wheat?"</p> +<p>"No, not entirely the wheat, although the news of your +generosity spread like wildfire through all classes of society, and +served to open the hearts of the peasants toward America as they +are opened toward no other country in the world. The word +'Amerikanski' is an <i>open sesame</i> all through Russia. Have you +noticed it?"</p> +<p>"Often," said Jimmie. "And often wondered at it. But that wheat +was a small enterprise to gain a nation's gratitude. It is the more +surprising to us because it was not a national gift, but the result +of the generosity and large-mindedness of a handful of men, who +pushed it through so quietly and unostentatiously that millions of +people in America to this day do not know that it was ever done, +but over here we have not met a single Russian who has not spoken +of it immediately."</p> +<p>"The Russians are a grateful people," observed Mrs. Jimmie, "but +it seems a little strange to me to discover such ardent gratitude +among the nobility for assistance which reached people hundreds of +miles away from them, and in whose welfare they could have only a +general interest, prompted by humanity."</p> +<p>"Ah! but madame, Russians are more keenly alive to the problem +of our serfs than any other. Many of our wealthy people are doing +all that they can to assist them, and, when a crisis like the +famine comes, it is heart-breaking not to be able to relieve their +suffering. Consequently, the sending of that wheat touched every +heart."</p> +<p>"Then, too, we are not divided,—the North against the +South, as you were on your negro question," said the little +countess. "The peasant problem stretches from one end of Russia to +the other."</p> +<p>"We are a diffuse people," I said. "Perhaps that is the result +of our mixed blood and the individuality that you spoke of, but +your books are so widely read in America that I believe people in +the North are quite as well informed and quite as much interested +in the problem of the Russian serf as in our own negro +problem."</p> +<p>Bee gave me a look which in sign language meant, "And that isn't +saying half as much as it sounds."</p> +<p>"Undoubtedly there is a strong point of sympathy between our two +countries. Like you, we have many mixed strains of blood, and, +though we are so much older, we have civilised more slowly, so that +we are both in youthful stages of progress. Your great prairies +correspond in a large measure to our steppes. America and Russia +are the greatest wheat-growing countries in the world. Our internal +resources are the only ones vast enough to support us without +assistance from other countries."</p> +<p>"Is that true of Russia?" Jimmie cut in, his commercial instinct +getting the better of his awe of Tolstoy. "Where would you get your +coal?"</p> +<p>"True," said Tolstoy, "we could not do it as completely as you, +and your very resources are one reason for our admiration of +America."</p> +<p>"In case of war, now,—" went on Jimmie. He stopped +speaking, and looked down in deep embarrassment, remembering +Tolstoy's hatred of war.</p> +<p>"Yes," said Tolstoy, kindly. "In case the whole civilised world +waged war on the United States, I dare say you could still remain a +tolerably prosperous people."</p> +<p>"At any rate," said Jimmie, recovering himself, "it would be a +good many years before we would be a hungry nation, and, in the +meantime, we could practically starve out the enemy by cutting off +their food supply, and disable their fleets and commerce for want +of coal, so there is hardly any danger, from the prudent point of +view, of the world combining against us."</p> +<p>"If the diplomacy at Washington continues in its present trend, +under your great President McKinley, your country will not allow +herself to be dragged into the quarrels of Europe. We older nations +might well learn a lesson from your present government."</p> +<p>"Oh!" I cried, "how good of you to say that. It is the first +time in all Europe that I have heard our government praised for its +diplomacy, and coming from you, I am so grateful."</p> +<p>Jimmie and the consul also beamed at Tolstoy's complimentary +comment.</p> +<p>"Now, about your men of letters?" said Tolstoy. "It is some time +since I have had such direct news from America. What are the great +names among you now?"</p> +<p>At this juncture Countess Tolstoy drew nearer to Bee and Mrs. +Jimmie, and our groups somewhat separated.</p> +<p>"Our great names?" I repeated. "Either we have no great names +now, or we are too close to them to realise how great they are. We +seem to be between generations. We have lost our Lowell, and +Longfellow, and Poe, and Hawthorne, and Emerson, and we have no +others to take their places."</p> +<p>"But a young school will spring up, some of whom may take their +places," said Tolstoy.</p> +<p>"It has already sprung up," I said, "and is well on the way to +manhood. One great drawback, however, I find in mentioning the +names of all of them to a European, or even to an Englishman, is +the fact that so many of our characteristic American authors write +in a dialect which is all that we Americans can do to understand. +For instance, take the negro stories, which to me are like my +mother tongue, brought up as I was in the South. Thousands of +Northern people who have never been South are unable to read it, +and to them it holds no humour and no pathos. To the ordinary +Englishman, it is like so much Greek, and to the continental +English-speaking person it is like Sanskrit. In the same way the +New England stories, which are written in Yankee dialect, cannot be +understood by people in the South who have never been North. How +then can we expect Europeans to manage them?"</p> +<p>"How extraordinary," said Tolstoy. "And both are equally +typical, I suppose?"</p> +<p>"Equally so," I replied.</p> +<p>"The reason she understands them both," broke in Jimmie, "is +because her mother comes from the northernmost part of the +northernmost State in the Union, and her father from a point almost +equally in the South. There is but one State between his birthplace +and the Gulf of Mexico."</p> +<p>"About the same distance," said Tolstoy, "as if your mother came +from Petersburg and your father from Odessa."</p> +<p>"But there are others who write English which is not distorted +in its spelling. James Lane Alien and Henry B. Fuller are +particularly noted for their lucid English and literary style; +Cable writes Creole stories of Louisiana; Mary Hartwell Catherwood, +stories of French Canadians and the early French settlers in +America; Bret Harte, stories of California mining camps; Mary +Hallock Foote, civil engineering stories around the Rocky +Mountains; Weir Mitchell, Quaker stories of Pennsylvania; and +Charles Egbert Craddock lays her plots in the Tennessee mountains. +Of all these authors, each has written at least two books along the +lines I have indicated, and I mention them, thinking they would be +particularly interesting to you as descriptive of portions of the +United States."</p> +<p>"All these," said Tolstoy, meditatively, "in one country."</p> +<p>"Not only that," I said, "but no two alike, and most of them as +widely different as if one wrote in French and the other in +German."</p> +<p>"A wonderful country," murmured Tolstoy again. "I have often +thought of going there, but now I am too old."</p> +<p>"There is no one in the world," I answered him, "in the realm of +letters or social economics, whom the people of America would +rather see than you."</p> +<p>He bowed gracefully, and only answered again:</p> +<p>"No, I am too old now. I wish I had gone there when I could. But +tell me," he added, "have you no authors who write +universally?"</p> +<p>"Universally," I repeated. "That is a large word. Yes, we have +Mark Twain. He is our most eminent literary figure at present."</p> +<p>"Ah! Mark Twain," repeated Tolstoy. "I have heard of him."</p> +<p>"Have you indeed? I thought no one was known in Europe, except +Fenimore Cooper. He is supposed to have written universally of +America, because he never wrote anything but Indian stories! In +France, they know of Poe, and like him because they tell me that he +was like themselves."</p> +<p>"He was insane, was he not?" said Tolstoy, innocently.</p> +<p>I bit my lip to keep from laughing, for Tolstoy had not +perpetrated that as a jest.</p> +<p>"But many of our most whimsical and most delicious authors could +not be appreciated by Europe in general, because Europeans are all +so ignorant of us. There is Frank Stockton, whose humour +continentals would be sure to take seriously, and then Thomas +Nelson Page writes most effectively when he uses negro dialect. His +story 'Marse Chan,' which made him famous, I consider the best +short story ever written in America. Hopkinson Smith, too, has +written a book which deserves to live for ever, depicting as it +does a phase of the reconstruction period, when Southern gentlemen +of the old school came into contact with the Northern business +methods. Books like these would seem trivial to a European, because +they represent but a single step in our curious history."</p> +<p>"I understand," said Tolstoy, sympathetically. "Of course it is +difficult for us to realise that America is not one nation, but an +amalgamation of all nations. To the casual thinker, America is an +off-shoot of England."</p> +<p>"Perfectly true," said Jimmie, "and that barring the fact that +we speak a language which is, in some respects, similar to the +English, no nations are more foreign to each other than the United +States and England. It would be better for the English if they had +a few more Bryces among them."</p> +<p>"If it weren't for the dialects," said Tolstoy, "I think more +Europeans would be interested in American literature."</p> +<p>"That is true," I said, "and yet, without dialects, you wouldn't +get the United States as it really is. There are heaps and heaps of +Americans who won't read dialect themselves, but they miss a great +deal. Take, for instance, James Whitcomb Riley, a poet who, to my +mind, possesses absolute genius,—the genius of the +commonplace. His best things are all in dialect, which a great many +find difficult, and yet, when he gives public readings from his own +poems, he draws audiences which test the capacity of the largest +halls. I myself have seen him recalled nineteen times."</p> +<p>"America and Russia are growing closer together every day," said +Tolstoy. "Every year we use more of your American machinery; your +plows, and threshers, and mowing-machines, and all agricultural +implements are coming into use here. Every year some Americans +settle in Russia from business interests, and we are rapidly +becoming dependent on you for our coal. If you had a larger +merchant marine, it would benefit our mutual interests wonderfully. +Is your country as much interested in Russia as we are in you?"</p> +<p>"Equally so," I said. "Russian literature is very well +understood in America. We read all your books. We know Pushkin and +Tourguenieff. Your Russian music is played by our orchestras, and +your Russian painter, Verestchagin, exhibited his paintings in all +the large cities, and made us familiar with his genius."</p> +<p>"All art, all music has a moral effect upon the soul. +Verestchagin paints war—hideous war! Moral questions should +be talked about and discussed, and a remedy found for them. In +America you will not discuss many questions. Even in the +translations of my books, parts which seem important to me are left +out. Why is that? It limits you, does it not?"</p> +<p>"I suppose the demand creates the supply," I ventured. "We may +be prudish, but as yet the moral questions you speak of have not +such a hold on our young republic that they need drastic measures. +When we become more civilised, and society more cancerous, +doubtless the public mind will permit these questions to be +discussed."</p> +<p>"The time for repentance is in advance of the crime," said +Tolstoy.</p> +<p>"American prudery is narrowing in its effect on our art," I +ventured, timidly.</p> +<p>"Is that the reason for many of your artists and authors living +abroad?"</p> +<p>"It may be. We certainly are not encouraged in America to depict +life as it is. That is one reason I think why foreign authors sell +their books by the thousands in America, and by the hundreds in +their own country."</p> +<p>"Then the taste is there, is it?" asked Tolstoy.</p> +<p>"The common sense is there," I said, bluntly,—"the common +sense to know that our authors are limited to depicting a phase +instead of the whole life, and then, if you are going to get the +whole life, you must read foreign authors. It's just as if a +sculptor should confine himself to shaping fingers, and toes, and +noses, and ears because the public refuses to take a finished +study."</p> +<p>"But why, why is it?" said Tolstoy, with a touch of impatience. +"If you will read the whole thing when written by foreign authors, +why do you not encourage your own?"</p> +<p>"I am sure I don't know," I said, "unless it is on the simple +principle that many men enjoy the ballet scene in opera, while they +would not permit their wives and daughters to take part in it."</p> +<p>"America is the protector of the family," said Jimmie, regarding +me with a hostile eye.</p> +<p>Tolstoy tactfully changed the subject out of deference to +Jimmie's displeasure.</p> +<p>"Do many Russians visit America?" asked Tolstoy.</p> +<p>"Oh, yes, quite a number, and they are among our most agreeable +visitors. Prince Serge Wolkonsky travelled so much and made so many +addresses that he made Russia more popular than ever."</p> +<p>"Do you know how popular you are in America?" said Jimmie, +blushing at his own temerity.</p> +<p>"I know how many of my books are sold there, and I get many kind +letters from Americans."</p> +<p>"Isn't he considered the greatest living man of letters in +America?" said Jimmie, appealingly to me boyishly.</p> +<p>"Undoubtedly," I replied, smiling, because Tolstoy smiled.</p> +<p>"Whom do you consider the greatest living author?" asked +Jimmie.</p> +<p>"Mrs. Humphrey Ward," said Tolstoy, decisively.</p> +<p>This was a thunderbolt which stopped the conversation of the +other members of the party.</p> +<p>"And one of your greatest Americans," went on Tolstoy, "was +Henry George."</p> +<p>"From a literary point of view, or—"</p> +<p>"From the point of view of humanity and of the Christian."</p> +<p>Jimmie and I leaned back involuntarily. Judged by these +standards, we were none of us either Christians or human, in our +party at least.</p> +<p>The Countess Tolstoy, who seemed to be in not the slightest awe +of her illustrious husband, having become somewhat impatient during +this conversation, now turned to me and said:</p> +<p>"It has been so interesting to talk with your sister and Mrs. +Jimmie about Paris fashions. We see so little here that is not +second hand, and your journey is so fascinating. It seems +incredible that you can be travelling simply for pleasure and over +such a number of countries! Where do you go next?"</p> +<p>"We have come from everywhere," I said, laughing, "and we are +going anywhere."</p> +<p>The countess clasped her hands and said:</p> +<p>"How I envy you, but doesn't it cost you a great deal of +money?"</p> +<p>"I suppose it does," I said, regretfully. "I am going to travel +as long as my money holds out, but the rest are not so +hampered."</p> +<p>"Alas, if I could only go with you," said the countess, "but we +are under such heavy expense now. It used to be easier when we had +three or four children nearer of an age who could be educated +together. Then it cost less. But now this boy, my youngest, +necessitates different tutors for everything, and it costs as much +to educate this last one of thirteen as it did any four of the +others."</p> +<p>"But then you educate so thoroughly," I said. "Russians always +speak five or six, sometimes ten languages, including dialects. +With us our wealthy people generally send their children to a good +private school and afterward prepare them by tutor for college. +Then the richest send them for a trip around the world, or perhaps +a year abroad, and that ends it. But the ordinary American has only +a public school education. Americans are not linguists +naturally."</p> +<p>"Ah! but here we are obliged to be linguists, because, if we +travel at all, we must speak other languages, and, if we entertain +at all, we meet people who cannot speak ours, which is very +difficult to learn. But languages are easy."</p> +<p>"Oh! <i>are</i> they?" said Jimmie, involuntarily, and everybody +laughed.</p> +<p>"Jimmie's languages are unique," said Bee.</p> +<p>"Are you going to Italy?" said the countess.</p> +<p>"Yes, we hope to spend next spring in Italy, beginning with +Sicily and working slowly northward."</p> +<p>"How delightful! How charming!" cried the countess. "How I wish, +how I <i>wish</i> I could go with you."</p> +<p>"Go with us?" I cried in delight. "Could you manage it? We +should be so flattered to have your company."</p> +<p>"Oh, if I could! I shall ask. It will do no harm to ask."</p> +<p>We had all stood up to go and had begun to shake hands when she +cried across to her husband:</p> +<p>"Leo, Leo, may I go—"</p> +<p>Then seeing she had not engaged her husband's attention, who was +talking to Jimmie about single tax, she went over and pulled his +sleeve.</p> +<p>"Leo, may I go with them to Italy in the spring? Please, dear +Leo, say yes."</p> +<p>He shook his head gravely, and the little countess smiled at her +mother's enthusiasm.</p> +<p>"It would cost too much," said Tolstoy, "besides, I cannot spare +you. I need you."</p> +<p>"You need me!" cried the countess in gay derision. Then +pleadingly, "Do let me go."</p> +<p>"I cannot," said Tolstoy, turning to Jimmie again.</p> +<p>The countess came back to us with a face full of +disappointment.</p> +<p>"He doesn't need me at all," she whispered. "I'd go anyway if I +had the money."</p> +<p>As I said before, Russia and America are very much alike.</p> +<p>As we left the house my mind recurred to Max Nordau, whose +personality and methods I have so imperfectly presented. The +contrast to Tolstoy would intrude itself. In all the conversations +I ever had with Max Nordau, he spent most of the time in trying to +be a help and a benefit to me. The physician in him was always at +the front. His aim was healing, and I only regret that their +intimate personality prevents me from relating them word for word, +as they would interest and benefit others quite as much as they did +me.</p> +<p>The difference between these two great leaders of +thought—these two great reformers, Nordau and +Tolstoy—is the theme of many learned discussions, and admits +many different points of view.</p> +<p>To me they present this aspect: Tolstoy, like Goethe, is an +interesting combination of genius and hypocrisy. He preaches +unselfishness, while himself the embodiment of self. Max Nordau is +his antithesis. Nordau gives with generous enthusiasm—of his +time, his learning, his genius, most of all, of himself. Tolstoy +fastens himself upon each newcomer politely, like a courteous +leech, sucks him dry, and then writes.</p> +<p>Max Nordau, like Shakespeare, absorbs humanity as a whole. +Tolstoy considers the Bible the most dramatic work ever written, +and turns this knowledge of the world's demand for religion to +theatrical account. Tolstoy is outwardly a Christian, Nordau +outwardly a pagan. Tolstoy openly acknowledges God, but exemplifies +the ideas of man, while Max Nordau's private life embodies the +noble teachings of the Christ whom he denies.</p> +<p>It was not until months afterward, we were back in London in +fact, when Jimmie's opinion of Tolstoy seemed to have crystallised. +He came to me one morning and said:</p> +<p>"I've read everything, since we left Moscow, that Tolstoy has +written. Now you know I don't pretend to know anything about +literary style and all that rot that you're so keen about, but I do +know something about human nature, and I do know a grand-stand play +when I see one. Now Tolstoy is a genius, there's no gainsaying +that, but it's all covered up and smothered in that religious +rubbish that he has caught the ear of the world with. If you want +to be admired while you are alive, write a religious novel and let +the hoi polloi snivel over you and give you gold dollars while you +can enjoy 'em and spend 'em. That's where Tolstoy is a fox. So is +Mrs. Humphrey Ward. She's a fox, too. They are getting all the fun +<i>now</i>. But it's all gallery play with both of 'em."</p> +<p>I said nothing, and he smoked in silence for a moment. Then he +added:</p> +<p>"But I <i>say</i>, what a ripper Tolstoy could write if he'd +just cut loose from religion for a minute and write a novel that +didn't have any damned <i>purpose</i> in it!"</p> +<p>Verily, Jimmie is no fool.</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="CHAPTER_XIII"></a> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> +<br> +<center>SHOPPING EXPERIENCES</center> +<p>In going to Europe timid persons often cover their real design +by claiming the intention of taking German baths, of "doing" +Switzerland, or of learning languages. But everybody knows that the +real reason why most women go abroad is to shop. What cathedral can +bring such a look of rapture to a woman's face as New Bond Street +or what scenery such ecstasy as the Rue de la Paix?</p> +<p>Therefore, as I believe my lot in shopping to be the common lot +of all, let me tell my tale, so that to all who have suffered the +same agonies and delights this may come as a personal reminiscence +of their own, while to you who have Europe yet to view for that +blissful first time, which is the best of all, this is what you +will go through.</p> +<p>When I first went to Europe I had all of the average American +woman's timidity about asserting herself in the face of a shopgirl +or salesman. Many years of shopping in America had thoroughly +broken a spirit which was once proud. I therefore suffered +unnecessary annoyance during my first shopping in London, because I +was overwhelmingly polite and affable to the man behind the +counter. I said "please," and "If you don't mind," and "I would +like to see," instead of using the martial command of the ordinary +Englishwoman, who marches up to the show-case in flat-heeled boots +and says in a tone of an officer ordering "Shoulder arms," "Show me +your gauze fans!" I used to listen to them standing next me at a +counter, momentarily expecting to see them knocked down by the +indignant salesman and carried to a hospital in an ambulance.</p> +<p>My own tones were so conversational when I said, "Will you +please show me your black satin ribbon?" that, while I did not say +it, my voice implied such questions as "How are your father and +mother?" and "I hope the baby is better?" and "Doesn't that draught +there on your back annoy you?" and "Don't you get very tired +standing up all day?"</p> +<p>It was Bee, as usual, who gave me my first lesson in the +insolent bearing which alone obtains the best results from the +average British shopman.</p> +<p>Still without having thoroughly asserted myself, not having been +to that particular manner born, I went next to Paris, where my +politeness met with the just reward which virtue is always supposed +to get and seldom does.</p> +<p>I consider shopping in Paris one of the greatest pleasures to be +found in this vale of tears. The shops, with the exception of the +Louvre, the Bon Marché, and one or two of the large +department stores of similar scope, are all small—tiny, in +fact, and exploit but one or two things. A little shop for fans +will be next to a milliner who makes a specialty of nothing but +gauze theatre bonnets. Perhaps next will come a linen store, where +the windows will have nothing but the most fascinating embroidery, +handkerchiefs, and neckware. Then comes the man who sells belts of +every description, and parasol handles. Perhaps your next window +will have such a display of diamond necklaces as would justify you +in supposing that his stock would make Tiffany choke with envy, but +if you enter, you will find yourself in an aperture in the wall, +holding an iron safe, a two-by-four show-case, and three chairs, +and you will find that everything of value he has, except the +clothes he wears, are all in his window.</p> +<p>As long as these shops are all crowded together and so small, to +shop in Paris is really much more convenient than in one of our +large department stores at home, with the additional delight of +having smiling interested service. The proprietor himself enters +into your wants, and uses all his quickness and intelligence to +supply your demands. He may be, very likely he is, doubling the +price on you, because you are an American, but, if your bruised +spirit is like mine, you will be perfectly willing to pay a little +extra for politeness.</p> +<p>It is a truth that I have brought home with me no article from +Paris which does not carry with it pleasant recollections of the +way I bought it. Can any woman who has shopped only in America +bring forward a similar statement?</p> +<p>All this changes, however, when once you get into the clutches +of the average French dressmaker. By his side, Barabbas would +appear a gentleman of exceptional honesty. I have often, in idle +moments, imagined myself a cannibal, and, in preparing my daily +menu, my first dish would be a fricassee of French dressmakers. +Perhaps in that I am unjust. In thinking it over, I will amend it +by saying a fricassee of <i>all</i> dressmakers. It would be unfair +to limit it to the French.</p> +<p>There is one thing particularly noticeable about the charm which +French shop-windows in one of the smart streets like the rue de la +Paix exercises upon the American woman, and that is that it very +soon wears off, and she sees that most of the things exploited are +beyond her means, or are totally unsuited to her needs. I defy any +woman to walk down one of these brilliant shop-lined streets of +Paris for the first time, and not want to buy every individual +thing she sees, and she will want to do it a second time and a +third time, and, if she goes away from Paris and stays two months, +the first time she sees these things on her return all the old +fascination is there. To overcome it, to stamp it out of the +system, she must stay long enough in Paris to live it down, for, if +she buys rashly while under the influence of this first glamour, +she is sure to regret it.</p> +<p>Dresden and Berlin differ materially from Paris in this respect. +Their shop-windows exploit things less expensive, more suitable to +your every-day needs, and equally unattainable at home. So that if +you have gained some experience by your mistakes in Paris, your +outlay in these German cities will be much more rational.</p> +<p>Leather goods in Germany are simply distracting. There are shops +in Dresden where no woman who appreciates bags, satchels, +card-cases, photograph-frames, book-covers, and purses could +refrain from buying without disastrous results. I remember my first +pilgrimage through the streets of Dresden. Between the porcelains +and toilet sets, the Madonnas, the belts, and card-cases, I nearly +lost my mind. The modest prices of the coveted articles were each +time a separate shock of joy. If these sturdy Germans had wished to +take advantage of my indiscreet expressions of surprise and +delight, they might easily have raised their prices without our +ever having discovered it. But day after day we returned, not only +to find that the prices remained the same, but that, in many +instances, if we bought several articles, they voluntarily took off +a mark or two on account of the generosity of our purchases.</p> +<p>Dresden is a city where works of art are most cunningly copied. +You can order, if you like, copies of any but the most intricate of +the treasures of the Green Vaults, and you will not be disappointed +with the results. You can order copies of any of the most famous +pictures in the Dresden galleries, and have them executed with like +exquisite skill. Nor is there any city in all Europe where it is so +satisfactory to buy a souvenir of a town, which you will not want +to throw away when you get home and try to find a place for it. +Because souvenirs of Dresden appeal to your love of art and the +highest in your nature. Leather you will find elsewhere, but the +Dresden works of art are peculiarly its own.</p> +<p>In Austria manners differ considerably both from those of Paris +and upper Germany. I should say they were a cross between the two. +We shopped in Ischl, which has shops quite out of proportion to its +size on account of being the summer home of the Emperor, and there +we met with a politeness which was delightful.</p> +<p>In Vienna we had occasion to accompany Jimmie and "Little Papa" +on business expeditions which led him into the wholesale district. +There it was universal for all the clerks to be seated at their +work, particularly in the jeweller's shops. At our entrance, every +man and woman there, from the proprietor to the errand boys, rose +to their feet, bowed, and said "Good day."</p> +<p>When we finished our purchases, or even if we only looked and +came away without buying, this was all repeated, which sometimes +gave me the sensation of having been to a court function.</p> +<p>Vienna fashions are very elegant. Being the seat of the court, +there is a great deal of dress. There is wealth, and the shops are +magnificent. Personally, I much prefer the fashions of Vienna to +those of Paris. Prices are perhaps a little more moderate, but the +truly Paris creation generally has the effect of making one think +it would be beautiful on somebody else. I can go to Worth, Felix, +and Doucet, and half a dozen others equally as smart, and not see +ten models that I would like to own. In Vienna there were Paris +clothes, of course, but the Viennese have modified them, producing +somewhat the same effect as American influence on Paris fashions. +To my mind they are more elegant, having more of reserve and +dignity in their style, and a distinct morality. Paris clothes +generally look immoral when you buy them, and feel immoral when you +get them on. There is a distinct spiritual atmosphere about +clothes. In Vienna this was very noticeable. I speak more of +clothes in Paris and Vienna, as there are only four cities in the +world where one would naturally buy clothes,—Paris, Vienna, +London, and New York. In other cities you buy other things, +articles perhaps distinctive of the country.</p> +<p>When you get to St. Petersburg, in your shopping experiences, +you will find a mixture of Teuton and Slav which is very +perplexing. We were particularly anxious to get some good specimens +of Russian enamel, which naturally one supposes to be more +inexpensive in the country which creates them, but to our distress +we discovered Avenue de l'Opera prices on everything we wished. +Each time that we went back the price was different. The market +seemed to fluctuate. One blue enamelled belt, upon which I had set +my heart, varied in price from one to three dollars each time I +looked at it. Finally, one day I hit upon a plan. I asked my +friend, Mile, de Falk, to follow me into this shop and not speak to +me, but to notice the particular belt I held in my hand. I then +went out without purchasing, and the next day my friend sent her +sister, who speaks nothing but Russian and French, to this shop. +She purchased the belt for ten dollars less than it had been +offered to me. She ordered a different lining made for it, and the +shopkeeper said in guileless Russian, "How strange it is that +ladies all over the world are alike. For a week two American young +ladies have been in here looking at this belt, and by a strange +coincidence they also wished this same lining."</p> +<p>For once I flatter myself that I "did" a Russian Jew, but his +companions in crime have so thoroughly "done" me in other corners +of the world that I need not plume myself unnecessarily. He is more +than even with me.</p> +<p>All through Russia we contented ourselves with buying Russian +engravings, which are among the finest in the world. Perhaps some +of their charm is in the subject portrayed, which, being +unfamiliar, arouses curiosity. Russian operas, paintings, +theatricals, the national ballet, the interior of churches and +mosques are different from those of every other country. There is +in the churches such a strange admixture of the spiritual and the +theatrical. So that the engravings of these things have for me at +least more interest than anything else.</p> +<p>Occasionally we were betrayed into buying a peasant's costume, +an ikon, or an enamel, but in Moscow and Kief, the only way that we +could reproduce to our friends at home the glories and splendours +of these two beautiful cities was by photographs, in which the +brilliancy of their colours brings back the sensations of delight +which we experienced.</p> +<p>Shopping in Constantinople is not shopping as we Americans +understand it, unless you happen to be an Indian trader by +profession. I am not. Therefore, the system of bargaining, of going +away from a bazaar and pretending you never intended buying, never +wanted it anyhow, of coming back to sit down and take a cup of +coffee, was like acting in private theatricals. By nature I am not +a diplomat, but if I had stayed longer in the Orient, I think I +would have learned to be as tricky as Chinese diplomacy.</p> +<p>We were given, by several of our Turkish friends, two or three +rules which should govern conduct when shopping in the Orient. One +is to look bored; the second, never to show interest in what +pleases you; the third, never to let your robber salesman have an +idea of what you really intend to buy. This comes hard at first, +but after you have once learned it, to go shopping is one of the +most exciting experiences that I can remember. I have always +thought that burglary must be an exhilarating profession, second +only to that of the detective who traps him. In shopping in the +Orient, the bazaars are dens of thieves, and you, the purchaser, +are the detective. We found in Constantinople little opportunity to +exercise our new-found knowledge, because we were accompanied by +our Turkish friends, who saw to it that we made no indiscreet +purchases. On several occasions they made us send things back +because we had been overcharged, and they found us better articles +at less price. Of course we bought a fez, embroidered capes, bolero +jackets, embroidered curtains, and rugs, but we, ourselves, were +waiting to get to Smyrna for the real purchase of rugs, and it was +there that I personally first brought into play the guile that I +had learned of the Turks.</p> +<p>I remember Smyrna with particular delight. The quay curves in +like a giant horseshoe of white cement. The piers jut out into the +sapphire blue of this artificial bay, and are surrounded by myriads +of tiny rowing shells, in which you must trust yourself to get to +land, as your big ship anchors a mile or more from shore.</p> +<p>It was the brightest, most brilliant Mediterranean sunshine +which irradiated the scene the morning on which we arrived at +Smyrna. A score of gaily clad boatmen, whose very patches on their +trousers were as picturesque as the patches on Italian sails, held +out their hands to enable us to step from one cockle-shell to +another, to reach the pier. In the way the boats touch each other +in the harbour at Smyrna, I was reminded of the Thames in Henley +week. We climbed through perhaps a dozen of these boats before we +landed on the pier, and in three minutes' walk we were in the rug +bazaars of Smyrna. Such treasures as we saw!</p> +<p>We were received by the smiling merchants as if we were +long-lost daughters suddenly restored, but we practised our newly +acquired diplomacy on them to such an extent that their faces soon +began to betray the most comic astonishment. These people are like +children, and exhibit their emotions in a manner which seems almost +infantile to the Caucasian. Alas, we were not the prey they had +hoped for. We sneered at their rugs; we laughed at their +embroideries; we turned up our noses at their jewelled weapons; we +drank their coffee, and walked out of their shops without buying. +They followed us into the street, and there implored us to come +back, but we pretended to be returning to our ship. On our way back +through this same street, every proprietor was out in front of his +shop, holding up some special rug or embroidery which he had +hastily dug out of his secret treasures in the vain hope of +compelling our respect. Some of these were Persian silk rugs worth +from one to three thousand dollars each. Although we would have +committed any crime in order to possess these treasures, having got +thoroughly into the spirit of the thing, we turned these rugs on +their backs and pretended to find flaws in them, jeered at their +colouring, and went on our way, followed by a jabbering, excited, +perplexed, and nettled horde, who recklessly slaughtered their +prices and almost tore up their mud floors in their wild anxiety to +prove that they had something—anything—which we would +buy. They called upon Allah to witness that they never had been +treated so in their lives, but would we not stop just once more +again to cast our eyes on their unworthy stock?</p> +<p>Having had all the amusement we wanted, and it being nearly time +for luncheon, we went in, and in half an hour we had bought all +that we had intended to buy from the first moment our eyes were +cast upon them, and at about one-half the price they were offered +to us three hours before. Now, if that isn't what you call enjoying +yourself, I should like to ask what you expect.</p> +<p>Ephesus, the graves of the Seven Sleepers, the tomb of St. Luke, +the ruins of the Temple of Diana ("Great is Diana of the +Ephesians"), the prison of St. Paul, are only a part of my vivid +experiences in Smyrna.</p> +<p>In Athens we bought nothing modern, but found several antique +shops with Byzantine treasures, also silver ornaments, ancient +curios, more beautiful than anything we found in Italy, and ancient +sacred brass candlesticks of the Greek Church, which bore the test +of being transplanted to an American setting.</p> +<p>In truth, some of my richest experiences have been in exploring +with Jimmie tiny second-hand shops, pawn-shops, and dark, almost +squalid corners, where, amid piles of rubbish, we found some really +exquisite treasures. Mrs. Jimmie and Bee would have been afraid +they would catch leprosy if they had gone with us on some of our +expeditions, but Jimmie and I trusted in that Providence which +always watches over children and fools, and even in England we +found bits of old silver, china, and porcelain which amply repaid +us for all the risk we ran. We often encountered shopkeepers who +spoke a language utterly unknown to us and who understood not one +word of English, and with whom we communicated by writing down the +figures on paper which we would pay, or showing them the money in +our hands. Perhaps we were cheated now and then—in fact, in +our secret hearts we are guiltily sure of it, but what difference +does that make?</p> +<p>When you get to Cairo, it being the jumping-off place, you +naturally expect the most curious admixture of stuffs for sale that +your mind can imagine, but, after having passed through the first +stages of bewilderment, you soon see that there are only a few +things that you really care for. For instance, you can't resist the +turquoises. If you go home from Egypt without buying any you will +be sorry all the rest of your lives. Nor ought you to hold yourself +back from your natural leaning toward crude ostrich feathers from +the ostrich farms, and to bottle up your emotion at seeing uncut +amber in pieces the size of a lump of chalk is to render yourself +explosive and dangerous to your friends. Shirt studs, long chains +for your vinaigrette or your fan, cuff buttons, antique belts of +curious stones (generally clumsy and unbecoming to the waist, but +not to be withstood), carved ostrich eggs, jewelled fly-brushes, +carved brass coffee-pots and finger bowls, cigar sets of brilliant +but rude enamel, to say nothing of the rugs and embroideries, are +some of the things which I defy you to refrain from buying. To be +sure, there are thousands of other attractions, which, if you are +strong-minded, you can leave alone, but these things I have +enumerated you will find that you cannot live without. Of course, I +mean by this that these things are within reach of your purse, and +cheaper than you can get them anywhere else, unless perhaps you go +into the adjacent countries from which they come.</p> +<p>As you go up the Nile, your shopping becomes more primitive. On +the mud banks, at the stations at which your boat stops, Arabians, +Nubians, and Egyptians sit squatting on the caked mud with their +gaudy clothes, brilliant embroideries, and rugs piled around them +all within arm's reach. Here also you must bring the guile which I +have described into play.</p> +<p>It may be that at Assuan, near the first cataract, I really got +into some little danger. I never knew why, but in the bazaars there +I developed an awful, insatiable desire to make a complete +collection of Abyssinian weapons of warfare. For this purpose, one +day, I got on my donkey and took with me only a little Scotchman, +who had presented me with countless bead necklaces and so many +baskets all the way up the Nile that at night I was obliged to put +them overboard in order to get into my stateroom, and who wore, +besides his goggles, a green veil over his face. We made our way +across the sand, into which our donkeys' feet sank above their +fetlocks, to the bazaars of Assuan.</p> +<p>These bazaars deserve more than a passing mention, as they are +unlike any that I ever saw. They are all under one roof on both +sides of tiny streets or broad aisles, just as you choose to call +them, and through these aisles your donkey is privileged to go, +while you sit calmly on his back, bargaining with the cross-legged +merchants, who scream at you as you pass, thrusting their wares +into your face, and, even if you attempt to pass on, they stop your +donkey by pulling his tail. On this particular day I left my donkey +at the door and made my way on foot, as I was eager to make my +purchases.</p> +<p>Perhaps I was careless and ought to have taken better care of my +Scotchman, because he was so little and so far from home, but I +regret to say that I lost him soon after I went into the bazaar, +and I didn't see him again for three hours. Never shall I forget +those three hours.</p> +<p>In Smyrna, Turkey, and Egypt the bargaining language is about +the same.</p> +<p>"What you give, lady?"</p> +<p>"I won't give anything! I don't want it! What! Do you think I +would carry that back home?"</p> +<p>"But you take hold of him; you feel him silk; I think you want +to buy. Ver' cheap, only four pound!"</p> +<p>"Four pounds!" I say in French. "Oh, you don't want to sell. You +want to keep it. And at such a price you will keep it."</p> +<p>"Keep it!" in a shrill scream. "Not want to sell? Me? I +<i>here</i> to sell! I sell you everything you see! I sell you the +<i>shop</i>!" and then more wheedlingly, "You give me forty +francs?"</p> +<p>"No," in English again. "I'll give you two dollars."</p> +<p>"America! Liberty!" he cries, having cunningly established my +nationality, and flattering my country with Oriental guile.</p> +<p>"Exactly," I say, "liberty for such as you if you go there. None +for me. Liberty in America is only free to the lower classes. The +others are obliged to <i>buy</i> theirs."</p> +<p>He shakes his head uncomprehendingly. "How much you give for +him? Last price now! Six dollars!"</p> +<p>We haggle over "last prices" for a quarter of an hour more, and +after two cups of coffee, amiably taken together, and some general +conversation, I buy the thing for three dollars.</p> +<p>Bee says my tastes are low, but at any rate I can truthfully say +that I get on uncommonly well with the common herd. I got about +thirty of these jargon-speaking merchants so excited with my +spirited method of not buying what they wanted me to that a large +Englishman and a tall, gaunt Australian, thinking there was a fight +going on, came to where I sat drinking coffee, and found that the +screams, gesticulations, appeals to Allah, smiting of foreheads, +brandishing of fists, and the general uproar were all caused by a +quiet and well-behaved American girl sitting in their midst, while +no less than four of them held a fold of her skirt, twitching it +now and then to call attention to their particular howl of +resentment. They rescued me, loaded my purchases on my donkey boy, +and found my donkey for me, beside which, sitting patiently on the +ground and humbly waiting my return, I found my little +Scotchman.</p> +<p>With all this cumulative experience, as Jimmie says, "of how to +misbehave in shops," we got back to London, where I could bring it +into play, and in a manner avenge myself for past slights.</p> +<p>I was so grateful to Jimmie for the King Arthur that he gave me +at Innsbruck that I decided to surprise him by something really +handsome on his birthday.</p> +<p>When we got to Paris, there seemed to be an epidemic of +gun-metal ornaments set with tiny pearls, diamonds, or sapphires. +Of these I noticed that Jimmie admired the pearl-studded +cigar-cases and match-safes most, but for some reason I waited to +make my purchase in London, which was one of the most foolish +things I ever have done in all my foolish career, and right here +let me say that there is nothing so unsatisfactory as to postpone a +purchase, thinking either that you will come back to the same place +or that you will see better further along, for in nine cases out of +ten you never see it again.</p> +<p>When we got to London, Bee and I put on our best street clothes +and started out to buy Jimmie his birthday present. We searched +everywhere, but found that all gun-metal articles in London were +either plain or studded with diamonds. We couldn't find a pearl. +Finally in one shop I explained my search to a tall, heavy man, +evidently the proprietor, who had small green eyes set quite +closely together, a florid complexion, and hay-coloured +side-whiskers. His whiskers irritated me quite as much as the fact +that he hadn't what I wanted. Perhaps my hat vexed him, but at any +rate he looked as though he were glad he didn't have the pearls, +and he finally permitted his annoyance, or his general British +rudeness, to voice itself in this way:</p> +<p>"Pardon me, madame," he said, "but you will never find +cigar-cases of gun-metal studded with pearls, no matter how much +you may desire it, for it is not good taste."</p> +<p>I was warm, irritated, and my dress was too tight in the belt, +so I just leaned my two elbows on that show-case, and I said to +him:</p> +<p>"Do you mean to have the impertinence, my good man, to tell two +American ladies that what they are looking for is not in good +taste, simply because you are so stupid and insular as not to keep +it in stock? Do you presume to express your opinion on taste when +you are wearing a green satin necktie with a pink shirt? If you had +ever been off this little island, and had gone to a land where +taste in dress, and particularly in jewels, is understood, you +would realise the impertinence of criticising the taste of an +American woman, who is trying to find something worth while buying +in so hopelessly British a shop as this. Now, my good man," I +added, taking up my parasol and purse, "I shall not report your +rudeness to the proprietor, because doubtless you have a family to +support, and I don't wish to make you lose your place, but let this +be a warning to you never to be so insolent again," and with that, +I simply swept out of his shop. I seldom sweep out. Bee says I +generally crawl out, but this time I was so inflated with an unholy +joy that I recklessly cabled to Paris for Jimmie's pearls, and to +this day I rejoice at the way that man covered his green satin tie +with his large hairy red hand, and at the ecstatic smiles on the +faces of two clerks standing near, for I <i>knew</i> he was the +proprietor when I called him "My good man."</p> +<p>If you want to open an account in London, you have to be vouched +for by another commercial house. They won't take your personal +friends, no matter how wealthy, no matter if they are titled. Your +bank's opinion of you is no good. Neither does it avail you how +well and favourably you are known at your hotel for paying your +bill promptly. This, and the custom in several large department +stores of never returning your money if you take back goods, but +making you spend it, not in the store, but in the department in +which you have bought, makes shopping for dry goods excessively +annoying to Americans.</p> +<p>I took back two silk blouses out of five that I bought at a +large shop in Regent Street much frequented by Americans, which +carries on a store near by under the same name, exclusively for +mourning goods. To my astonishment, I discovered that I must buy +three more blouses, or else lose all the money I paid for them. In +my thirst for information, I asked the reason for this. In America, +a lady would consider the reason they gave an insult. The shopwoman +told me that ladies' maids are so expert at copying that many +ladies have six or eight garments sent home, kept a few days, +copied by their maids and returned, and that this became so much +the custom that they were finally forced to make that obnoxious +rule.</p> +<p>I have heard complaints made in America by proprietors of large +importing houses that women who keep accounts frequently order a +handsome gown, wrap, or hat sent home on approval, wear it, and +return it the next day. If this is the custom among decent +self-respecting American women, who masquerade in society in the +guise of women of refinement and culture, no wonder that +shopkeepers are obliged to protect themselves. There is nowhere +that the saying, "the innocent must suffer with the guilty," +obtains with so much force as in shopping, particularly in +London.</p> +<p>It is a characteristic difference between the clever American +and the insular British shopkeeper that in America, when a thing +such as I have mentioned is suspected, the saleswoman or a private +detective is sent to shadow the suspect, and ascertain if she +really wore the garment in question. In such cases, the garment is +returned to her with a note, saying that she was seen wearing it, +when it is generally paid for without a word. If not, the shop is +in danger of losing one otherwise valuable customer, as she is +placed on what is known as the "blacklist," which means that a +double scrutiny is placed on all her purchases, as she is suspected +of trickery.</p> +<p>In this same shop in Regent Street, of which I have been +speaking, we submitted to several petty annoyances of this +description without complaint, the last and pettiest of which was +when Mrs. Jimmie, being captivated by an exquisite hundred-guinea +gown of pale gray, embroidered in pink silk roses, and veiled with +black Chantilly lace, bought it and ordered it altered to her +figure. For this they charged her two pounds ten in addition to +that frightful price for about an hour's work about the collar. +Mrs. Jimmie seldom resents anything, and in her gentleness is +easily governed, so this time I persuaded her to protest, and +dictated a furious letter of remonstrance to the proprietor, citing +only this one case of extortion. Jimmie sat by, smoking and +encouraging me, as I paced up and down the room with my hands +behind my back, giving vent to sentences which, when copied down in +Mrs. Jimmie's ladylike handwriting, made Jimmie scream with joy. I +think Mrs. Jimmie never had any intention of sending the letter, +having written it down as a safety-valve for my rather explosive +nature, but Jimmie was so carried away by the artistic +incongruities of the situation that he whipped a stamp on it and +mailed it before his wife could wink.</p> +<p>To his delight, Mrs. Jimmie received, three days later, a letter +from the astonished proprietor, which showed in every line of it +the jolt that my letter must have been to his stolid British +nerveless system. He began by thanking her for having reported the +matter to him, apologised humbly, as a British tradesman always +does apologise to the bloated power of wealth, and said that her +letter had been sent to all the various heads of departments for +their perusal. He declared that for five years he had been +endeavouring to bring the directors to see that, if they were to +possess the coveted American patronage for which they always +strove, they must accommodate themselves to certain American +prejudices, one of which was the unalterable distaste Americans +displayed in paying for refitting handsome gowns. He was delighted +to say that her letter had been couched in such firm, decisive, and +righteously indignant language, such as he himself never would have +been capable of commanding, had carried such weight, and had been +productive of such definite results with the directors that he was +pleased to announce that henceforward a radical change would appear +in the government of their house, and that never again would an +extra charge be made for refitting any garment costing over ten +pounds. He thanked her again for her letter, but could not resist +saying at the close that it was the most astonishing letter he had +ever received in his life, and he begged to enclose the two pounds +ten overcharge.</p> +<p>Jimmie fairly howled for joy as he read this letter aloud; Bee +looked very much mortified; Mrs. Jimmie exceedingly perplexed, as +if uncertain what to think, but I confess that all my irritation +against British shopkeepers fell away from me as a cast-off +garment. I blush to say that I shared Jimmie's delight, and when he +solemnly made me a present of the two pounds ten I had so +heroically earned, I soothed my ladylike sister's refined +resentment by inviting all three to have broiled lobster with me at +Scott's.</p> +<p>I imagine, however, that one woman's experience with dressmakers +is like all others. I have noticed that to introduce the subject of +my personal woes in the matter is to make the conversation general, +in fact I might say composite, no matter how formal the gathering +of women. Like the subject of servants, it is as provocative of +conversation as classical music.</p> +<p>Far be it from me, however, to class all shopping in London +under the head of dry goods, or the rage one gets into with every +dressmaker. In most of the shops, in fact, I may say, in all of +them (for the one unfortunate experience I have related in the +jeweller's shop was the only one of the kind I ever had in London), +the clerks are universally polite, interested, and obliging, no +matter how smart the shop may be. Take for instance, Jay's, or +Lewis and Allenby's. The instant you stop before the smallest +object a saleswoman approaches and says, "Good morning." You say, +"What a very pretty parasol!" and she replies, "It <i>is</i> +pretty, isn't it, modom?" She wears a skin-tight black cashmere +gown with a little tail to it. Her beautiful broad shoulders, flat +back, tiny waist, bun at the back of her head, and the invisible +net over the fringe, all proclaim her to be an Englishwoman, but +her pronunciation of the simplest words, and the way her voice goes +up and down two or three times in a single sentence, sometimes +twice in a single word, might sometimes lead you to think she spoke +a foreign tongue.</p> +<p>The English call all our voices monotonous, but it was several +weeks after I reached London for the first time before I could +catch the significance of a sentence the first time it was +pronounced. All over Europe our watchword with the Russians, Turks, +Egyptians, Arabs, French, Germans, and Italians was always "Do you +speak English?" and in London it is Jimmie's crowning act of +revenge to ask the railway guards and cab-drivers the same +insulting question. Imagine asking London cabbies the question, "Do +you speak English?" It puts him in a purple rage directly.</p> +<p>But shopkeepers all over Europe are quick to anticipate all your +wants, to suggest tempting things which have not occurred to you to +buy, and to offer to have things made, if nothing in stock suits +you. I suppose I am naturally slow and stupid. Bee says I am, but +having been brought up in America, in the South, where nothing is +ever made, and where we had to send to New York for everything, and +where even New York has to depend on Europe for many of its +staples, my surprise overpowered me so that it mortified Bee, when +they offered to have silk stockings made for me in Paris.</p> +<p>Like most Americans, I am in the habit of turning away +disappointed, and preparing to go without things if I cannot find +what I want in the shops, but in London and Paris they will offer +of their own accord to make for you anything you may describe to +them, from a pair of gloves to a pattern of brocade. This is one +and perhaps the only glory of being an American in Europe, for, as +my friend in Naples, of the firm of Ananias, Barabbas, and Company, +said to me:</p> +<p>"Behold! you are an American, and by Americans do we not +live?"</p> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12184 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/12184-h/images/jimmies-cover.gif b/12184-h/images/jimmies-cover.gif Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..22b78c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/12184-h/images/jimmies-cover.gif diff --git a/12184-h/images/jimmies-frontispiece.gif b/12184-h/images/jimmies-frontispiece.gif Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a18f74f --- /dev/null +++ b/12184-h/images/jimmies-frontispiece.gif |
