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diff --git a/12184-0.txt b/12184-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e3b074e --- /dev/null +++ b/12184-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6056 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12184 *** + +[Illustration: + +_Lilian Bell_ + +Duogravure + +From the Painting by Oliver Dennett Grover] + + + + +Abroad with the Jimmies + +BY + +LILIAN BELL, + + +AUTHOR OF + +"THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF AN OLD MAID," "THE EXPATRIATES," ETC. + + +LONDON: + +WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED, + +NEW YORK & MELBOURNE. + + + + +THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO _My Dear Father_, WHOSE HIGH TYPE OF +PATRIOTISM, STEADFAST LOYALTY TO THE GOVERNMENT, AND DEVOTION TO HIS +FAMILY HAVE TAUGHT ME WHEREIN LIE THE IDEALS OF LIFE. + + + + +Preface + + +If the critical public had cared to snub Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie and Bee, I, +who am a fighting champion of theirs, would never have run the risk of +boring it by a further chronicle of their travels. But from a careful +survey of my mail, I may say that the present volume of their doings and +undoings is a direct result of the friendships they formed in "As Seen +by Me," and has almost literally been written by request. + +With which statement, as the flushed and nervous singer, who responds to +friendly clappings, comes forward, bows, sings, and retires, so do I, +and the curtain falls on the Jimmies and Bee and me, all kissing our +hands to the gallery. + + + + +Contents + + CHAPTER + + I. Our House-boat at Henley + + II. Paris + + III. Strasburg and Baden-Baden + + IV. Stuttgart, Nuremberg, and Bayreuth + + V. The Passion Play + + VI. Munich to the Achensee + + VII. Dancing in the Austrian Tyrol + + VIII. Salzburg + + IX. Ischl + + X. Vienna + + XI. My First Interview with Tolstoy + + XII. At one of the Tolstoy Receptions + + XIII. Shopping Experiences + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +OUR HOUSE-BOAT AT HENLEY + +It speaks volumes for an amiability I have always claimed for myself +through sundry fierce disputes on the subject with my sister, that, even +after two years of travel in Europe with her and Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie, +they should still wish for my company for a journey across France and +Germany to Russia. Bee says it speaks volumes for the tempers of the +Jimmies, but then Bee is my sister, or to put it more properly, I am +Bee's sister, and what woman is a heroine to her own sister? + +In any event I am not. Bee thinks I am a creature of feeble intelligence +who must be "managed." Bee loves to "manage" people, and I, who love to +watch her circuitous, diplomatic, velvety, crooked way to a straight +end, allow myself to be so "managed;" and so after safely disposing of +Billy in the grandmotherly care of Mamma for another six months, Bee and +I gaily took ship and landed safely at the door of the Cecil, having +been escorted up from Southampton by Jimmie. + +While repeated journeys to Europe lose the thrill of expectant +uncertainty which one's first held, yet there is something very pleasing +about "_going back_." And so we were particularly glad again to join +forces with our friends the Jimmies and travel with them, for they, like +Bee and me, travel aimlessly and are never hampered with plans. + +Everybody seems to know that we do not mean business, and nobody has +ever dared to ask whether our intentions were serious or not. + +In this frame of mind we floated over to England and had a fortnight of +"the season" in London. But this soon palled on us, and we fell into the +idle mood of waiting for something to turn up. + +One Sunday morning Bee and Mrs. Jimmie and I were sitting at a little +table near the entrance to the Cecil Hotel, when Jimmie came out of a +side door and sat down in front of us, leaning his elbows on the table +and grinning at us in a suspicious silence. We all waited for him to +begin, but he simply sat and smoked and grinned. + +"Well! Well!" I said, impatiently, "What now?" + +You would know that Jimmie was an American by the way he smokes. He +simply eats up cigars, inhales them, chews them. The end of his cigar +blazes like a danger signal and breathes like an engine. He can hold his +hands and feet still, but his nervousness crops out in his smoking. +Finally, exasperated by his continued silence, Bee said, severely: + +"Jimmie, have you anything up your sleeve? If so, speak out!" + +"Well!" said Jimmie, brushing the cigar ashes off his wife's skirt, "I +thought I'd take you all out to Henley this morning to look at the +house-boat." + +"House-boat!" shrieked Bee and I in a whisper, clutching Jimmie by the +sleeve and lapel of his coat and giving him an ecstatic shake. + +"Are we going to have a house-boat?" asked Bee. + +"We!" said Jimmie. "_I_ am going to have a house-boat, and I am going to +take my wife. If you are good perhaps she will ask you out to tea one +afternoon." + +"How many staterooms are there, Jimmie? Can we invite people to stay +with us over night?" demanded Bee. + +"You cannot," said Jimmie, firmly. "I said a house-boat, not a house +party." + +"I shall ask the duke," said Bee, clearing her throat in a pleased way. +"Can't I, Mrs. Jimmie?" + +"Certainly, dear. Ask any one you like." + +"If you do," growled Jimmie, who hates the duke because he wears gloves +in hot weather, "I'll invite the chambermaid and the head-waiter of this +hotel." + +"We ought to be starting," said Mrs. Jimmie, pacifically, and we started +and went and arrived. + +As we were driving to the station I noticed all the way along, and I had +noticed them ever since we had been in London, large capital H's on a +white background, posted on stone walls, street corners, lampposts, and +occasionally on the sidewalks. + +"What are those H's for, Jimmie?" I asked. To which he replied with +this record-breaking joke: + +"Those are the H's that Englishmen have been dropping for generations, +and being characteristic of this solid nation, they thus ossified them." + +I forgave Jimmie a good deal for that joke. + +At the pier at Henley a man met us with a little boat and rowed us up +the river, past dozens of house-boats moored along the bank. + +The river had been boomed off for the races, which were to begin the +next day, with little openings here and there for small boats to cross +and recross between races. Private house-boat flags, Union Jacks, +bunting, and plants made all the house-boats gay, except ours, which +looked bare and forlorn and guiltless of decoration of any sort. It was +fortunately situated within plain view of where the races would finish, +and by using glasses we could see the start. + +Several crews were out practising. One shell which flashed past us held +a crew in orange and black sweaters. We had previously noticed that +there was no American flag on any of the house-boats. + +Orange and black! We nearly stood up in our excitement. + +"What's your college?" yelled Jimmie, hoping they were Americans. + +"Princeton!" they yelled back. + +With that Jimmie ripped open a long pole he was carrying, and the stars +and stripes floated out over our shell. The Princeton crew shipped their +oars, snatched off their caps, and responded by giving their college +yell, ending with "Old Glo-ree! Old Glo-ree!! Old Glo-ree!!!" yelled +three times with all the strength of their deep lungs. + +That little glimpse of America made Bee and me shiver as if with ague, +while Jimmie's chin quivered and he muttered something about "darned +smoke in his eyes." + +"Jimmie," I said, excitedly, "they are rowing toward us to let us speak +if we want to." + +Jimmie waved his hand to them and they pulled up alongside. We exchanged +enthusiastic "How-do-do's" with them, although we had never seen one of +them before. + +"Are you going to row to-morrow?" asked Jimmie. + +"If you are we will decorate the house-boat with orange and black," I +said. + +Their faces fell. + +"We are only the Track Team," said one. "Princeton has no crew, you +know." + +"No crew," I cried. "Why not?" + +"Well, we haven't any more water than we need to wash in, and we cannot +row on the campus." + +"Too many trees," said another. + +"No water," I cried, "then won't you ever have a crew?" + +"Not until some one gives us a million dollars to dam up a natural +formation that is there and turn the river into it," said one. + +"I'd give it to you in a minute, if I had it, the way I feel now," said +Jimmie. + +"Well, don't we send crews over here to row?" asked Bee. + +"Cornell sent one, but they were beaten," said the Captain with a grin. + +"But you wouldn't be beaten," said Bee, decidedly, with her eye on the +Captain. + +"Come to dinner, all of you, to-morrow night," I said, genially. + +Mrs. Jimmie looked frightened, but Bee and Jimmie so heartily seconded +my generosity with Jimmie's boat that she resigned herself. + +"Wear your sweaters," commanded Bee. + +"To dinner?" they said. + +"Certainly!" said Bee, decidedly. "That's the only way people will know +we are in it. We'll wear shirt-waists to keep you in countenance." + +They accepted with alacrity and we parted with mutual esteem. + +"I wonder what their names are," said Mrs. Jimmie, reproachfully. + +"And they don't know our boat," I added. + +"Hi, there!" Jimmie shouted back, "that's our boat yonder--the _Lulu_." + +And with that they all struck up "Lu, Lu, How I love my Lu," at which +Bee blushed most unnecessarily, I thought, and murmured: + +"How well a handsome athlete looks with bare arms." + +"And bare legs," added Jimmie, genially. + +We found so much to do on the house-boat, and Jimmie had brought so much +bunting and so many flags, that Bee volunteered to go back to the Cecil +and have our clothes packed up by Mrs. Jimmie's maid, while we +decorated the house-boat. + +The next morning bright and early we rowed down to the landing for Bee. +Such a change had taken place on the Thames in twenty-four hours! There +were hundreds upon hundreds of row-boats bearing girls in duck and men +in flannels, and a funny sight it was to Americans to see fully half of +them with the man lying at his ease on cushions at the end of the boat, +while the girls did the rowing. English girls are very clever at +punting, and look quite pretty standing up balancing in the boats and +using the long pole with such skill. + +It may be sportsmanlike, but it cannot fail to look unchivalrous, +especially to the Southern-born of Americans, to see how willing +Englishmen are to permit their women to wait upon them even _before_ +they are married! + +American women are not very popular with English women, possibly because +we get so many of their Englishmen away from them, and we are popular +with only certain of Englishmen, perhaps the more susceptible, possibly +the more broad-minded, but certain it was that as we rowed along we +heard whispers from the English boats of "Americans" in much the same +tone in which we say "Niggers." + +The river was literally alive with these small craft, going up and down, +gathering their parties together and paying friendly little visits to +the neighbouring house-boats, while gay parasols, striped shirt-waists, +white flannels, sailor hats, house-boat flags, and gay coloured boat +cushions, made the river flash in the sunshine like an electric lighted +rainbow. + +Jimmie had spared no expense in illuminating and decorating the +house-boat. He had the American shield in electric lights surmounted by +the American Eagle holding in his beak a chain of electric bulbs which +were festooned on each side down to the end of the boat and running down +the poles to the water's edge. A band of red, white, and blue electric +lights formed the balustrade of the upper deck, with a row of brilliant +scarlet geraniums on the railing. The house-boat next to ours was called +"The Primrose," and when they saw our American emblem they sent over a +polite note asking where we got it, and at once ordered a St. George +and the Dragon in electric lights, which never came until the Friday +following, when all the races were over. Another house-boat, three boats +from ours, was owned by a wealthy brewer and had a pavilion built on the +land back of where it was moored and connected by a broad gangplank with +the boat. They used this pavilion for dancing and vaudeville, but +although it was very nice and we were immensely entertained, still we +all decided that it was not much like a house-boat to be so much of the +time on land. + +Each morning we would be wakened by the lapping of the water between the +boat and the bank, caused by the early swims of the men from the +neighbouring boats. The weather was just cool enough and just warm +enough to be delightful. They told us that it generally rained during +Henley week, but some one must have been a mascot, and we, with our +usual becoming modesty, announced that it must have been our Eagle. The +English, however, did not take kindly to that little pleasantry, and +only said, "Fancy" whenever we got it off. + +The dining-room was too small to hold such a large dinner as we gave +the night we entertained the Princeton Track Team, so we had the table +spread on the upper deck in plain view of the craft on the river and our +neighbours on each side. Jimmie had the piano brought up too, when he +heard that two of them belonged to the Glee Club and could sing. + +It seemed such a simple thing to us to take up an upright baby grand +piano that we never thought we were doing anything out of the common, +until we looked down over the railing and saw that no less than fifty +boats had ranged themselves in front of our house-boat, with as much +curiosity in our proceedings as if we were going to have a trained +animal exhibit. There were two English women dining with us, and I +privately asked one of them what under the sun was the matter. + +"Oh! It is nothing much," she replied. "We cannot help thinking that you +Americans are so queer." + +"Queer, or not!" I replied, stoutly, "we have things just as we want +them wherever we go. If we wanted to bring the punt up here and put it +on the dining-table filled with flowers, Jimmie would let us," to which +she replied, "Fancy!" + +The table was very pretty that night. We had orange and black satin +ribbon down the middle of it and across the sides, finishing in big +bows. The centrepiece was made of black-eyed Susans. We women wore +orange and black wherever we could, and the men wore their sweaters as +they had been instructed. The dinner was slow in coming on, so between +courses we got up and danced. Then the men sang college songs, much to +the scandalisation of our English friends on the next boats, who seemed +to regard dinner as a sacrament. Peters, the butler, would lie in wait +for us while we were dancing, to whisper as we careered past him: + +"Miss, the fowl is getting cold," or "Miss, the ice cream is getting +warm," but he did it once too often, so Bee waltzed on his foot. Whereat +he limped off and we saw no more of him. + +Soon the professional entertainers who ply up and down the river during +Henley week discovered the "Ammurikins," as they called us, and we had +our first encounter that night with the Thames nigger, a creature +painfully unlike that delightful commodity at home. The Thames nigger is +generally a cockney covered with blackening, which only alters his skin +and does not change his accent. To us it sounded deliciously funny to +hear this self-styled African call us "Leddies," and say "Halways" and +say "'Aven't yer, now?" They sang in a very indifferent manner, but were +rather quick in their retorts. + +Our large uninvited, but welcome audience, who had drawn so near that +they could not use their oars and only pulled their boats along by the +gunwales of the other boats, laughed at these witticisms rather +inquiringly. Always slightly unconvinced, they seemed to have no inward +desire to laugh, but yielded politely to the requirements, owing to the +niggers' harlequin costume and blackened face. + +To the student of human nature there is nothing so exquisitely +ridiculous on the face of the globe as the typical British audience, at +a show which appeals humourously to the intellect rather than to the +eye. For this reason the Princetonians were indefatigable in their +conversation with the niggers, for the electric lights of the _Lulu_ +illuminated the faces of our audience, which soon, in addition to the +strolling craft of the river, numbered many canoes from the neighbouring +house-boats, who were attracted by the gaiety and lights, thus forming a +typical river audience, thoroughly mixed, seemingly on pleasure bent, +good humoured, well behaved, polite, stolid, British. + +Jimmie is hospitable to the core of his being, and nothing pleased him +better than to keep "open house-boat" for the entire floating population +of the Thames during Henley week. Every afternoon it was particularly +the custom about tea time for boats containing music hall quartettes or +a boatload of Geisha girls to pull up in front of the house-boat and +regale the occupants with the latest music hall songs. + +In one end of their boat is a little melodion apparently built for river +travel, for I never saw one anywhere else. They have in addition velvet +collection-boxes on long poles whereby to reach the upper decks of the +house-boat for our coins. These things look for all the world like the +old-fashioned collection-boxes which the deacons used to pass in church. + +There was one set of Geisha girls who were masked below the eyes, one of +whom sang what she fondly imagined was a typical American song +calculated to captivate her American audience. She sang through her +nose, the better to imitate the nasal voices which to the British mind +is the national characteristic of the American, and her song had the +refrain beginning "For I am an Ammurikin Girl," telling how this +"Ammurikin Girl" had come to England to marry a title and had finally +secured an Earl, and ending with the statement that she had done all +this "like the true Ammurikin Girl." This song, especially the nasal +part, was received with such ill-concealed joy by our usual stolid river +audience that one afternoon I took it upon myself to avenge our +house-boat family for these truly British politenesses. So I went to the +railing after our audience had thoroughly collected and said through my +nose: + +"Won't you please sing that pretty song of yours about the 'Ammurikin +Girl?' You know we are 'Ammurikin girls,' and we do so love the way you +take off our 'Ammurikin' voices." + +At the same time I dropped a lot of small silver into their boat without +waiting for the collection-box. I was delighted to see that some of it +went overboard, for their consternation at that and at my having turned +the tables on them put them into such a flutter that they couldn't sing +at all, and they pulled away, saying that they would be back in half an +hour. Our audience, too, suddenly remembered urgent business a mile or +two up the river, and scattered as if by magic. + +Jimmie was deeply pleased by this _rencontre_, for the prejudice of the +middle-class Britons (for the sake of occasionally being moderate, I +will say middle class) against all classes of Americans is just about as +deeply rooted and ineradicable as the prejudice of middle-class +Americans against everything that flies the Union Jack. The travelled +upper classes are inclined to be more moderate in their prejudice and to +see fit either for political or social reasons to affect a friendship. +But seriously I myself question if there is a nation more thoroughly +foreign to America than the English. + +This, I take it, is because the middle classes of both countries are not +abreast of the times, and take little notice of the trend of events. +They are still influenced by the prejudice engendered by the wars of a +century ago, which has partly been inherited and partly enhanced by +marriages with England's hereditary foes, who take refuge with us in +such numbers. + +However, the people could be influenced through their sympathies, and in +the to-be-expected event of the death of England's queen, or a calamity +of national importance on our own shores, the sympathy which would be +extended from each to each, through the medium of the press, would do +more to educate the masses along lines of sympathy between the two great +English-speaking nations than any amount of statecraft or diplomacy. The +people must be taught by the way of the heart, and touched by their +emotions. Their brains would follow. + +As it is, the differences still exist. Take, for instance, their +language, from which ours has so far departed and become so much more +pure English, and has been enriched by so many clean-cut and descriptive +adjectives that certain sentences in English and in American will be +totally unintelligible to each other. On one occasion, going with a +party of eight English people to the races, Bee looked out of the car +window at the landscape, and said: + +"How thoroughly finished England is. Here we are running through a hill +country where they are so complete and so neat in their landscape that +they even sod the cuts. It is like going through a terraced garden." + +It may be that the phrase she used was academic, but I am at least +reasonable in thinking that the average American would know what she +meant. Not one of those eight English people caught even the shadow of +her meaning, and when she explained what she meant by "sod your cuts," +they said that she meant "turf your cuttings." She replied that +"cutting" with us was a greenhouse term and meant a part clipped from a +plant or a tree. They said the word "cut" meant a cut of beef or +mutton, to which she retorted that we might also use the term "cut" in a +butcher shop, but when travelling in a hill country and looking out of +the train window it meant the mountain cut. They said they never heard +of the word sod, except used as a noun. She replied that she never heard +the word "turf" used as a verb. We continued in an amiable wrangle which +finally brought out the fact which even the most obstinate of them was +obliged to admit, and that is that when traced to its proper root, the +Americans speak purer English than the English. + +House-boat hospitality we discovered to be conducted on a very irregular +plan, for it appeared that the casual afternoon caller always meant tea +and sometimes dinner. This is all very well if the people happen to be +agreeable and the food holds out, but even I, the least conservative of +the three women, am conservative about invitations to guests, nothing +being more offensive to me than to be politely forced into a dinner +invitation to people I don't want. Another thing, it kept us constantly +scurrying for more to eat, as house-boat provisions are all furnished +by firms in town, and house-boat owners are expected to let the +purveyors know beforehand how many guests to provide for at each meal. + +I like English people very much, but I cannot help observing that some +who are very well born and are supposed to be exceedingly well bred, +take advantage of American hospitality in a way in which they would +never dream of pursuing with their English hosts. For instance, +Americans were very free in remaining so dangerously close to the dinner +hour that we were pushed into inviting them to remain, but never once +did they make it obligatory to invite them to remain over night, while +no less than half a dozen times during Henley week our English friends +said to Jimmie: + +"I say, old man, beastly work getting back to town. Can't you put us up +for the night?" + +As this occurred when every stateroom was filled, even Bee's sacred duke +being among the number of our guests, these self-invited ones remained +in every instance when they knew that it would force Jimmie to sleep +upon a bench in the dining-room and be seriously inconvenienced. Toward +the end of the week this supreme selfishness which I have noticed so +often in otherwise worthy English gentlemen annoyed me to such an extent +that with one Englishman who had thus insisted upon dispossessing Jimmie +for the second time I resolved to make a test. So I said to him: + +"Of course it's a little hard on Jimmie, your way of turning him out of +his stateroom to sleep on the table, so, as turn about is fair play, if +you've quite decided to remain over night, my sister and I will let you +have our room and we will sleep on the benches in the dining-room. +Jimmie doesn't get much sleep you know--we keep it up so late, and of +course you always wake him up when you turn out for your swim at six +o'clock in the morning, so if you will promise not to disturb us until +seven, and go out through the kitchen for your swim, you can have our +room for to-night." + +"Oh, I say!" he replied, "that's awfully jolly of you. It _is_ a beastly +shame to turn the old man out of his bed two nights in one week, but +your boat is the only one on the river where a fellow feels at home, you +know. Besides that, I couldn't get back to town before ten o'clock +to-night if I started now, and where would I get my dinner? And if I +wait to get my dinner here, I'd either have to sleep at Henley or be +half the night in getting home. So you see I've got to stay, and thanks +awfully for letting me have your room." + +Bee, who was standing near, pushed her veil up and cleared her throat. +She looked at me. + +"Did you ever in all your life?" she said. + +"No, I never did," I said. "I never, never did." + +"Never did what?" said the English gentleman. + +"I never saw anybody like you in a book or out of it, but I suppose +there are ten thousand more just as good-looking as you are; just as +tall and well built and selfish." + +"Selfish," he blurted out with a very red face. "What is there selfish +about me, I should like to know? You offered me your room, didn't you?" + +"Yes, she offered it," said Bee, sitting on a little table and tucking +her feet on a chair. "She offered it to you just to see if you'd take +it--just to see how far you _would_ go. You haven't known my sister very +long, have you? Why, she'd no more let you have her room than I would +let Jimmie turn himself out a second time for you. If you stay to-night +_you'll_ be the one to sleep in the dining-room on that narrow bench." + +"Oh, I say," he said, turning still redder, "I can't do that, you know. +It would be so very uncomfortable. It is very narrow." + +"You can lie on your side," said Bee. "You aren't too thick through that +way, and we three women have decided to allow Jimmie to go to bed early +to-night. We'll make it as comfortable as we can for you, and you'll get +fully three hours' sleep, perhaps four. It is all Jimmie would get if he +slept there." + +"Why, I don't believe that the old man will let me sleep there. I think +he'd rather I had his room. He and his wife were so awfully good to me +when I was in America. I stayed two months at their place and they +entertained me royally." + +"Where's your wife?" I said, suddenly. + +"She's in our town house," he answered. + +"And that's in Upper Brooke Street?" said Bee. + +"And where's your sister, the Honourable Eleanor?" I said. + +"What's that got to do with it?" said our friend. + +"Nothing," I said. "I just wondered if you'd noticed that, every single +time we have been in London for the past two years, neither your sister +nor your wife has ever called on Mrs. Jimmie; although, as you have just +admitted, you stayed two months with them in America. All that you have +done in return for the mountain trip that Jimmie arranged for you, +taking you in a private car to hunt big game, taking you fishing and +arranging for you to see everything in America that you wanted, when you +know that Jimmie isn't rich judged by the largest fortunes in +America--all, all I say, that you have done for him in return for +everything he did for you was to put him up at your club and take them +to the races twice, and even though you saw your wife at a distance you +never introduced them, although once you stopped and spoke to her. Now, +what do you think of yourself?" + +"I think--I think," he stammered. + +"No, you don't think," said Bee. "You flatter yourself." + +He stared at us helplessly, but we were enjoying ourselves too +maliciously to let up on him. + +"I never was talked to so in my life," he said. + +"No, perhaps not," I said, pleasantly. "But it has done you good, hasn't +it? Confess now, don't you feel a little better?" + +His face, which was very red at all times, grew a little more claret +coloured, and he evidently wanted very much to get angry, but Bee and I +were so very cheerful, almost affectionate in our manner of mentally +skinning him, that he couldn't seem to pull himself together. + +"He'll never stay after that," said Bee, complacently, to me afterward. +But he _did_ stay, and although Jimmie was furious, he had every +intention of letting him have his bedroom again, which Bee and I so +fiercely resented that we locked Jimmie in his stateroom, where, after a +few feeble pounds on the door, he resigned himself to his fate and got +the only night's sleep that he had in the eight days of Henley. + +Whether the Honourable Edwardes Edwardes slept on his side on the bench +or on his back on the dinner-table, or stood up all night, we never +knew. He was a little cross at breakfast, and complained of feeling "a +bit stiff." But nobody petted or sympathised with him or ran for the +liniment. So by luncheon time he was drinking Jimmie's champagne again +with the utmost good humour. + +One of the most amusing things we did was to go after dinner in little +boats and form part of the river audience in front of some other +house-boat where something was going on,--crowded in between other +boats, having to ship our oars and pull ourselves along by our +neighbours' gunwales, getting locked for perhaps half an hour, until +suddenly our Geisha girls or niggers would start the cry "Up river," +when away we would all go, entertainers and entertained, pulling up the +river to the lights of another house-boat, enjoying the music for a few +minutes and then slipping away in the darkness toward the lights of +Henley village, or perhaps back to the _Lulu_. + +Once or twice a boat would capsize, giving the occupants a severe +wetting, but as river costumes are always washable and the river is not +deep, no harm ever seemed to come of these aquatic diversions. Once, +however, it was brought near home in this wise. + +Jimmie invited his wife to go canoeing. I went canoeing once on the +Kennebunk River with an Indian to paddle, and after watching the +manoeuvres of the paddlers on the Thames and the antics of those +wretched little boats, I made the solemn promise with myself never to +trust any one less skilled than an Indian again. But Jimmie, while he is +not more conceited than most people, is what you might call confident, +and he would have been all right in this instance, if he had noticed +that a race had just been rowed and that the swell from the racers was +just rippling over the boom and creeping gently toward the house-boat. +The canoe was still at the house-boat steps. They were both seated +comfortably and just about to paddle away when a swell came alongside +and tilted the canoe in such a succession of little unexpected rolls +that our two friends, in their anxiety to hold on to something which +was not there to hold on to, overbalanced, and the canoe shipped enough +water to submerge their legs entirely, giving them a nice cold hip bath. + +Mrs. Jimmie screamed, and we all rushed down and fished her out of the +boat dripping like a mermaid and thoroughly chilled. Bee took her in to +warm her with a brandy and to hurry her into dry clothes, while I +remained to see what I could do for Jimmie, who was very wet, very mad, +and very uncommunicative. + +"What a pity," I remarked, pleasantly, "that you are so thin. Shall I +come down and hold the boat still while you get out? Wet flannel has +such a clinging effect." + +Jimmie is a good deal of a gentleman, so he made no reply. I was just +turning away, resolving in a Christian spirit to order him a hot Scotch, +when I heard a splash and a remark which was full of exclamation points, +asterisks, and other things, and looking down I saw the canoe bottom +upwards, with Jimmie clinging to it indignantly blowing a large quantity +of Thames water from his mouth in a manner which led me to know that the +sooner I got away from there the better it would be for me. I kept out +of his way until dinner-time, and only permitted him to suspect that I +saw his disappearance by politely ignoring the fact that all his and +Mrs. Jimmie's lingerie, to speak delicately, was floating about, hanging +from pegs in unused portions of the house-boat. My silence was so +suspicious that finally Jimmie could stand it no longer. + +"Did you see me go down?" he demanded. + +"I did not," I answered him, firmly, whereat he released my elbow and I +edged around to the other side of the table. + +"But I saw you come up," I said, pleasantly, "and I saw what you said." + +"Saw?" said Jimmie. "Saw what I said?" + +"Certainly! There was enough blue light around your remarks for me to +have seen them in the dark." + +"Well, what have you got to say about it?" he said, resigning himself. + +"Only this, and that is that this afternoon's performance in that canoe +was the only instance in my life where I thoroughly approved of the +workings of Providence. Ordinarily the good die young and the guilty +one escapes." + +"Is that all?" growled Jimmie. + +"Yes," I said, hesitatingly, "I think it is. Did I mention before that I +thought you were thin?" + +"You certainly did," said Jimmie. + +"Your legs," I went on, but just then I was interrupted by the +reappearance of a little German musician, who had floated up the river +two days before in a white flannel suit without change of linen and who +played accompaniments of our singers so well that Jimmie permitted him +to stay on without either actually inviting him or showing him that his +presence was not any particular addition to our enjoyment. + +Jimmie objected violently to some of his sentiments, which the German +was tactless enough to keep thrusting in our faces. He was as offensive +to our English friends on the subject of England as he was to us +concerning America, but one of the Englishmen sang and couldn't play a +note, so Jimmie let the German stay, because Miss Wemyss wanted him to. + +Although secretly I think Jimmie and I hated him, we are sometimes +polite enough not to say everything we think, but at any rate there +never was a moment when Jimmie and I wouldn't leave off attacking each +other, hoping for an opportunity for a fight with the German, which thus +far he had escaped by the skin of his teeth. + +"Your sister sent me to tell you that there is a house-boat up near the +Island flying the American flag and we are all going up there to see it. +Would you like to go?" + +"Thanks so much for your invitation," said Jimmie, "but I've got some +guests coming in half an hour, so I can't go." + +"I'll go. Just wait until I get my hat." + +One boat contained Bee, Mrs. Jimmie, and two Princeton men, and the +other Miss Wemyss, the German, Miss Wemyss' fiancé, Sir George, and me. +Side by side the two skiffs pulled up the river to the Island, where on +a very small house-boat named the _Queen_ a large American flag was +flying and beneath it were crossed a smaller American flag and the Union +Jack. + +Sir George, who is one of the nicest Englishmen we ever met, pulled off +his cap and cried out: + +"All hats off to the Stars and Stripes!" + +In an instant every hat was whipped off, ours included, although there +was some wrestling with hat-pins before we could get them off. All, did +I say? All--all except the German! He folded his arms across his breast +and kept his hat on. + +"Didn't you hear Sir George?" I said to him. + +He had a nervous twitching of the eye at all times, and when he was +excited the muscles of his face all jerked in unison like Saint Vitus' +dance. At my question every muscle in his face, as the Princeton man in +Bee's boat said, "began working over time." + +"Yes, I heard him. Of course I heard him," he said. + +"Then take your hat off!" said Miss Wemyss. + +"Yes, take your hat off!" came in a roar from all the others, none being +louder and more peremptory than the Englishman's. + +"I will not take my hat off to that dirty rag," he said. "It means +nothing to me. The flag of any country means nothing to me. I can go +into a shop and buy that red, white, and blue! That is only a rag--that +flag." + +Sir George leaned over with blazing eyes and took him by the collar. + +"Don't do that, George," said Miss Wemyss, excitedly. "His linen is not +fit to touch." + +"Let's duck him," said the Princeton man. + +But Mrs. Jimmie interfered, saying in a quiet voice, although her hands +were trembling: + +"Don't do anything to him until we take him back to the house-boat. +Remember he is my guest." + +At this the German smiled with such insolence and pulled his hat further +down on his brow with such a vicious look of satisfaction that I had all +I could do to hold myself in. The boats flew back to the house-boat as +if on wings. + +"You see, miss," he leaned forward and said to me in low tones. "You do +not like me. You love your flag. Ah, ha, I revenge myself." + +"Just wait till I tell Jimmie," I said. + +"Ah, ha, he will do nothing! I play for his concert to-night." + +As the boats pulled up to the steps of the house-boat, Jimmie met us +with his two friends, who had come during our absence. We had never seen +them before. + +"What do you think, Jimmie?" stammered Bee, stumbling up the steps in +her excitement. + +"And Jimmie, he wouldn't take his hat off to the flag!" + +"And Jimmie, I wish you had been there, you'd have drowned him!" came +from all of us at once. + +"What's that?" cried Jimmie in a rage at once, and: + +"What's that?" came from the men behind him. "Wouldn't take off his hat +to the flag? Who wouldn't?" + +"That nasty little German!" cried Miss Wemyss. + +We were all out of the boats by that time except the unhappy object of +our wrath, whose countenance by this time was working into patterns like +a kaleidoscope. + +"Mr. Jimmie," he said, coming to the end of the boat with every +intention of stepping out, "I apologise to you. I am very sorry." + +"Get back in that boat!" thundered Jimmie. + +"But, sir! Your concert to-night! I play for you!" + +"You go to the devil," said Jimmie. "You'll not put your foot on board +this boat again. Off you go! Take him down to Henley!" he ordered the +boatman. + +"Very well! Very well!" said the German, "I go, but I do not take my hat +off to your flag." + +"Ah! Don't you?" cried the Princeton man, making a grab for the German's +sailor hat with his long arm, just as the boat shot away. He stooped and +took it up full of Thames water and flung it thus loaded squarely in the +little wretch's face, while the man at the oars dexterously tossed it +overboard, where it floated bottom upwards in the river, and the boat +shot out toward Henley with the bareheaded and most excited specimen of +the human race it was ever our lot to behold. + +Then Jimmie introduced his friends. Bee has just looked over this +narrative of the pleasantest week we ever spent in England and she says: + +"You haven't said a word about the races." + +"So I haven't." + +But they were there. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +PARIS + +"Now," said Jimmie as our train was pulling into Paris, "we are all +decided, are we not, that we shall stay in Paris only two days?" + +His eyes met ours with apprehension and a determination that ended in a +certain amount of questioning in their glance. + +"Certainly!" we all hastened to assure him. "Not over two days." + +"Just long enough," said Jimmie, beamingly, "to have one lunch at the +Café Marguery for _sole à la Normande_--" + +"And one afternoon at the Louvre to see the Venus and the Victory--" I +pleaded. + +"And the Father Tiber--" added Jimmie, waxing enthusiastic. + +"Yes, and one dinner at the Pavilion d'Armenonville to hear the +Tziganes--" said Bee. + +"And one afternoon on the Seine to go to St. Cloud to see the brides +dance at the Pavilion Bleu, and a supper afterward in the open to have a +_poulet_ and a _pêche flambée_." + +Jimmie by this time was wriggling in ecstasy. + +"And just time to order two or three gowns apiece and have one look at +hats," added Mrs. Jimmie, complacently. + +"'Two or three gowns apiece and one look at hats,'" cried Jimmie. "And +how long will that take? We agreed on two days, and you never said a +word about clothes. That means a whole week!" + +"Not at all, Jimmie," said Bee. "It's too late to do anything to-night. +To-morrow morning we'll go and look. In the afternoon we'll think it +over while we're doing the Louvre. It is always cool and quiet there, +and looking at statuary always helps me to make up my mind about +clothes. The next morning we'll go and order. In the afternoon we'll buy +our hats, and with one day more for the first fittings, I believe we +might manage and have the things sent after us to Baden-Baden." + +"Not at all," put in Mrs. Jimmie. "They will never be satisfactory +unless we put our minds on the subject and give them plenty of time. We +must stay at least two days more. Give us four days, Jimmie." + +I had to laugh at Jimmie's rueful face. He was about to remonstrate, but +Bee switched him off diplomatically by saying, in her most deferential +manner: + +"What hotel have you decided on, Jimmie? It's such a comfort to be +getting to a Paris hotel. What one do you think would be best?" + +Bee's tone was so flattering that Jimmie forgot clothes and said: + +"Well, you know at the Binda you can get corn on the cob and American +griddle cakes--" + +"Oh, but the rooms are so small and dark, and we could go there for +luncheon to get those things," said his wife. + +"Do let's go to the Hotel Vouillemont," I begged. "We won't see any +Americans there, and it is so lovely and old and French, and so heavenly +quiet." + +"But then there is the new Élysée Palace," said Bee. "We haven't seen +that." + +"And they say it's finer than the Waldorf," said Mrs. Jimmie. + +Jimmie and I looked at each other in comical despair. + +"Let 'em have their own way, Jimmie," I whispered in his ear, "while +we're in their country. They know that we are going to make 'em dodge +Switzerland and go up in the Austrian Tyrol and perhaps even get them to +Russia, so we'll be obliged to give them their head part of the way. +Let's be handsome about it." + +We went to the Élysée Palace, and we spent two weeks in Paris. Part of +this time we were fashionable with Mrs. Jimmie and Bee, and part of the +time they were Latin Quartery with us. We made them go to the Concert +Rouge and to the Restaurant Foyot, and occasionally even to sit on the +sidewalk at one of the little tables at Scossa's, where you have +_déjeuner au choix_ for one franc fifty, including wine, and which they +couldn't help enjoying in spite of pretending to despise it and us, +while occasionally we went with them to call on the grand and +distinguished personages to whom they had letters. But it remained for +the last days of our stay for us to have our experiences. The first came +about in this wise. + +I had brought a letter to Max Nordau from America, but I heard after I +got to Paris that he was so fierce a woman hater, that I determined not +to present it. I read it over every once in awhile, but failed to screw +my courage to the sticking point, until one day I mentioned that I had +this letter, and Jimmie to my surprise threw up both hands, exclaiming: + +"A letter to Max Nordau! Why, it is like owning a gold mine! Present it +by all means, and then tell us what he is like." + +Afraid to present it in person, I sent it by mail, saying that I had +heard that he hated women and that I was scared to death of him, but if +he had a day in the near future on which he felt less fierce than usual, +I would come to see him, and I asked permission to bring a friend. By +"friend" I meant Jimmie. + +The most charming note came in answer that a polished man of the world +could write--not in the least like the bear I had imagined him to be, +but courteous and even merry. In it he said he should feel honoured if +I would visit his poor abode, and he seemed to have read my books and +knew all about me, so with very mixed feelings Jimmie and I called at +the hour he named. + +He lives in one of the regulation apartment houses of Paris, of the +meaner sort--by no means as fine as those in the American quarter. The +most horrible odour of German cookery--cauliflower and boiled cabbage +and vinegar and all that--floated out when the door opened. The room--a +sort of living-room--into which we were ushered was a mixture of all +sorts of furniture, black haircloth, dingy and old, with here and there +a good picture or one fine chair, which I imagined had been presented to +him. + +Jimmie was much excited at the idea of meeting him. Max Nordau is one of +his idols,--Nordau's horrible power of invective fully meeting Jimmie's +ideas of the way crimes of the bestial sort should be treated. Jimmie is +often a surprise to me in his beliefs and ideals, but when Doctor Nordau +entered the room I forgot Jimmie and everything else in the world except +this one man. + +I can see him now as he stood before me--a thick-set man with a +magnificent torso, but with legs which ought to have been longer. For +that body he ought to have been six feet tall. When he is seated he +appears to be a very large man. You would know that he was a physician +from the way he shakes hands--even from the touch of his hand, which +seems to be in itself a soothing of pain. + +He was exquisitely clean. Indeed he seemed, after one look into his +face, to be one of the cleanest men I ever had seen. And to look into +the face of a man in Paris and to be able to say that, _means_ +something. + +His eyes were gray blue--very clear in colour. Their whites were really +white--not bloodshot nor yellow. His skin was the clear, beautiful +colour which you sometimes see in a young and handsome Jew. There was +the same clear red and white. This distinguishing quality of clearness +was noticeable too in his lips, for his short white moustache shows them +to be full, very red, and with the line where the red joins the white +extremely clear cut. His teeth were large, full, even, and white, like +those of a primitive man, who tore his rare meat with those same white +teeth, and who never heard of a dentist. His hair was short, white, and +bristling. He seemed to have some Jewish blood in him, but he seemed +more than all to be perfectly well, perfectly normal, filled to the brim +with abounding life. It was like a draught from the Elixir of Life to be +in his presence. What a man! + +All at once the whole of "Degeneration" was made clear to me. How could +any man as sane, as normal, as superbly health-loving and +health-bestowing keep from writing such a book! I never met any one who +so impressed me with his knowledge. Not pedantry, but with the +deep-lying fundamental truth that humanity ought to know. His sympathies +are so broad, his intuitions so keen, his understanding so subtle. + +He asked us at once into his study--a small room, lined with books bound +in calf. Both the chair and his couch had burst out beneath, showing +broken springs and general dilapidation. He speaks many languages, and +his English is very pure and beautiful. + +Like all great men, his manner was extremely simple. He did not pose. +He was interested in me, in my work, in my ambitions, hopes, and aims. +He seemed to have no overpoweringly high idea of himself, nor of what he +had achieved. He was thoroughly at home in French, German, English, +Scandinavian, and Russian literature. He read them in the originals, and +his knowledge of the classics seemed to be equally complete. The +well-worn books upon his shelves testified to this. + +I asked him if he intended to come to America in the near future. To +which he replied: + +"Unhappily I cannot tell. I should like to go. I consider America the +country of the world at present. Whether we admit it or not, all nations +are watching you. The rest of the world cannot live without you. Russia +is the only country in the world which could go to war without your +assistance. You must feed Europe. Your men are the financiers of the +world and your women rule and educate and are the saviours of the men. +Therefore to my mind the greatest factor in the world's civilisation +to-day is the great body of the American women. You little know your +power. _You_ seem to have got the ear of the American woman, and the +only advice I have to give you is to be more bold. Don't be afraid of +being too pedantic. You are too subtle. You bury your truths sometimes +too deeply. The busy are too busy to dig for it, and the stupid do not +know it is there." + +"I think 'Degeneration' is the most wonderful book ever written," Jimmie +broke in at this point as if unable to keep silent any longer. Then he +looked deeply embarrassed at Doctor Nordau's hearty laughter. + +"Thank you a thousand times," he said; "such a decided opinion I seldom +hear. Your great country was the first to appreciate and read it. I have +many friends there whom I never saw but who love me and whom I love. +They often write to me." + +"And beg autographs and photographs of you," I said. + +"Oh, yes, but it is very easy to do what they ask. But one curious thing +strikes me about America. See, here on my book shelves I have books +written explaining the government of all countries in all +languages--all countries, that is to say, except America. Why has no one +ever written such an one about the United States?" + +Jimmie pricked up his ears as this phase of the conversation came home +to him. He forgot his awe and said: + +"What's the matter with Bryce?" + +Doctor Nordau looked puzzled. He is a practising physician. + +"'What's the matter with Bryce?'" he repeated. + +Jimmie blushed. + +"Haven't you read 'Bryce's Commonwealth?'" I broke in, to give Jimmie +time to get on his legs again. + +"Is there a book on American government by an American that I never +heard of?" asked Nordau of Jimmie. + +"Well, Bryce is an Englishman, but he knows more about America than any +American I know," answered Jimmie. "I'll send you the book if you would +like to read it." + +Doctor Nordau thanked him and said he would be delighted to have it. +While Jimmie was making a note of this, Doctor Nordau looked quizzically +at me and said: + +"Do American publishers rob all foreign authors as I have been robbed, +or am I mistaken in thinking that large numbers of 'Degeneration' have +been sold in America?" + +Alas, wherever I go in Europe, I am obliged to hear this denunciation of +our publishers! I cannot get beyond the sound of it. To hear foreign +authors denounce American publishers by every term of opprobrium which +could commonly be applied to Barabbas! I was puzzled to know whether +they really are the most unscrupulous robbers in creation or if they +only have the name of being. + +"You are not mistaken in thinking that large numbers of 'Degeneration' +have been sold," I said, "and if your book was properly copyrighted and +protected and you did not sign away all your rights to your American +publishers for a song, as too many foreign authors do in their scorn of +American appreciation of good literature, you should not be obliged to +complain, for I distinctly remember that 'Degeneration' often led in the +lists of best selling books which our booksellers report at the end of +each week." + +"Then I will leave you to judge for yourself," said Doctor Nordau. "The +entire amount I have received from my American publishers for +'Degeneration' is fifty pounds! That is every sou!" + +"Fifty pounds!" cried Jimmie, in consternation. "Why that is only two +hundred and fifty dollars of our money!" + +"I leave it to you to judge for yourselves," said Doctor Nordau again. + +We said nothing, for as Jimmie said after we left, there was really +nothing to say. + +But evidently our consternation touched him, for he broke out into a big +German laugh, saying: + +"Don't take it so deeply to heart! You are too sensitive. Do you take +the criticisms of your books so deeply to heart as you take a criticism +of your countrymen? Don't do it! Remember, there are few critics worth +reading." + +"I never read them while they are fresh," I admitted. "I keep them until +their heat has had time to cool. Then if they are favourable I say, +'This is just so much extra pleasure that, as it is all over. I had no +right to expect.' And if they are unfavourable I think, 'What +difference does it make? It was published weeks ago and everybody has +forgotten it by this time!'" + +"You have the right spirit," he said. "Where would I be if I had taken +to heart the criticisms of the degenerates on 'Degeneration?' I sit back +and laugh at them for holding a hand mirror up to their faces and +unconsciously crying out 'I see a fool!' To understand great +truths,--and great truths are seldom popular,--one must bring a willing +mind. Yet how often it is that the very sick one wishes most to help are +the ones who refuse, either from conceit or stupidity, to believe and be +healed. Remember this: no one can get out of a book more than he brings +to it. Readers of books seldom realise that by their written or spoken +criticisms they are displaying themselves in all their weaknesses, all +their vanities, all their strength for their hearers to make use of as +they will." + +"I shouldn't think anything ever would disturb you," said Jimmie, +regarding Doctor Nordau's gigantic strength admiringly. + +Doctor Nordau laughed. + +"It is the little things of this life, my friend, which often disturb a +mental balance which is always poised to receive great shocks. The +gnat-bites and mosquito buzzings are sometimes harder to bear than an +operation with a surgeon's knife." + +I looked triumphantly at Jimmie as Doctor Nordau said that, for Jimmie +never has got over it that I once dragged the whole party off a train +and made them wait until the next one, because the wheels of our railway +carriage squeaked. But Jimmie's mind is open to persuasion, especially +from one whose opinions he admires as he admires Max Nordau's, for he +looked at me with more tolerance, as he said: + +"It is the nervous organisation, I suppose. She can bear neuralgia for +days at a time which would drive me crazy in an hour, but I've seen her +burst into tears because a door slammed." + +"Exactly so!" said Doctor Nordau. "I understand perfectly." + +"Now, I never hear such noises," pursued Jimmie. "But I suppose there +must be _some_ difference between you both, who can write books, and me, +who can't even write a letter without dictating it!" + +Soon after this we came away, Jimmie beaming with delight over one idol +who had not tumbled from his pedestal at a near view. + +We were still in the midst of the Paris season. It was very gay and Bee +and Mrs. Jimmie had made some amiable friends among the very smartest of +the Parisian smart set. When we went to tea or dinner with these people +Jimmie and I had to be dragged along like dogs who are muzzled for the +first time. Every once in awhile _en route_ we would plant our fore feet +and try to rub our muzzles off, but the hands which held our chains were +gentle but firm, and we always ended by going. + +On one Sunday we were invited to have _déjeuner_ with the Countess S., +and as it was her last day to receive she had invited us to remain and +meet her friends. At the breakfast there were perhaps sixteen of us and +the conversation fell upon palmistry. We had just seen Cheiro in London, +and as he had amiably explained a good many of our lines to us, I was +speaking of this when the old Duchesse de Z. thrust her little wrinkled +paw loaded down with jewels across the plate of her neighbour and said: + +"Mademoiselle, can you see anything in the lines of my hand?" + +I make no pretence of understanding palmistry, but I saw in her hand a +queer little mark that Cheiro had explained to us from a chart. I took +her hand in mine and all the conversation ceased to hear the pearls of +wisdom which were about to drop from my lips. The duchesse was very much +interested in the occult and known to be given to table tipping and the +invocation of spirits. + +"I see something here," I began, hesitatingly, "which looks to me as if +you had once been threatened with a great danger, but had been +miraculously preserved," I said. + +The old woman drew her hand away. + +"Humph," she muttered with her mouth full of homard. "I wondered if you +would see that. It was assassination I escaped. It was enough to leave a +mark, eh, mademoiselle?" + +"I should think so," I murmured. + +The young Count de X. on my right said, in a tone which the duchesse +might have heard: + +"When she was a young girl, only nineteen, her husband tied her with +ropes to her bed and set fire to the bed curtains. Her screams brought +the servants and they rescued her." + +My fork fell with a clatter. + +"What an awful man!" I gasped. + +"He was my uncle, mademoiselle!" said the young man, imperturbably, +arranging the gardenia in his buttonhole, "but as you say, he was a bad +lot." + +"I beg your pardon!" I exclaimed. + +"It is nothing," he answered. "It is no secret. Everybody knows it." + +Later in the afternoon I took occasion to apologise to the duchesse for +having referred to the subject. + +"Why should you be distressed, mademoiselle," said the old woman, +peering up into my face from beneath her majenta bonnet with her little +watery brown eyes, "such things will go into books and be history a few +years hence. We make history, such families as ours," she added, +proudly. + +I turned away rather bewildered and for an hour or two watched Bee and +Mrs. Jimmie being presented to those who called to pay their respects to +our hostess. They were of all descriptions and fascinating to a degree. +Finally the duchesse came up to me bringing a lady whom she introduced +as the Countess Y. + +"She is a compatriot of yours, mademoiselle." + +It so happened that Bee and Mrs. Jimmie were standing near me and +overheard. + +"Ah, you are an American," I said. + +"Well," said the countess, moving her shoulders a little uneasily, "I am +an American, but my husband does not like to have me admit it." + +It was a small thing. She had a right to deny her nationality if she +liked, but in some way it shocked the three of us alike and we moved +forward as if pulled by one string. + +"I think we must be going," said Bee, haughtily. + +Jimmie's jaw was so set as we left the house of the countess, and Bee +and Mrs. Jimmie looked so disturbed that I suggested that we drive down +to the Louvre and take one last look at our treasures. Mine are the +Venus de Milo and the Victory, and Jimmie's is the colossal statue of +the river Tiber. Jimmie loves that old giant, Father Tiber, lying there +with the horn of plenty and dear little Romulus and Remus with their +foster mother under his right hand. Jimmie says the _toes_ of the giant +fascinate him. + +It looked like rain, so we hastily checked our parasols and Jimmie's +stick and cut down the left corridor to the stairs, and so on down to +the chamber where we left Jimmie and the Tiber to stare each other out +of countenance. The rest of us continued our way to the room where the +Venus stands enthroned in her silent majesty. We sat down to rest and +worship, and then coming up the steps again and mounting another flight, +we stood looking across the arcade at the brilliant electric poise of +the Victory, and in taking our last look at her, we did not notice that +it had gradually grown very dark. + +When we came out, rested, uplifted, and calmed as the effect of that +glorious Venus always is upon our fretted spirits, we discovered that +the most terrific rainstorm was in progress it ever was our luck to +behold. The water came down in cataracts and blinding sheets of rain. +Every one except us had been warned by the darkness and had got +themselves home. The streets were empty except for the cabs and +carriages which skurried by with fares. Our frantic signals and Jimmie's +dashes into the street were of no avail. + +We would have walked except that Bee and I had colds, and big, beautiful +Mrs. Jimmie was subject to croup, which as every one knows is terrible +in its attacks upon grown people. + +Poor Jimmie ran in every direction in his wild efforts for a carriage, +but none was to be had. We waited two hours, then Mrs. Jimmie saw a +black covered wagon approaching and she gathered up her skirts and +hailed it. The driver obligingly pulled up at the curb. + +"You must drive us to our hotel." she said, firmly. "We have waited two +hours." + +"Impossible, madame!" said the man. + +"But you _must_," we all said in chorus. + +"You shall have much money," said Jimmie in his worst French. + +"All the same it is impossible, monsieur," said the man. + +He regretted exceedingly his inability to oblige the ladies, but--and he +prepared to drive off. + +"Get in, girls," said Mrs. Jimmie, firmly, pushing us in at the back of +the wagon. The man expostulated, not in anger but appealingly. Mrs. +Jimmie would not listen. She said there ought to be more cabs in Paris, +and that she regretted it as much as he did, but she climbed in as she +talked, and gave the address of the hotel. + +"You shall have three times your fare," she said, calmly, "drive on!" + +"But what madame demands is impossible," pleaded the poor man. "I am on +my way for another body. Madame sits in the morgue wagon!" + +But there he was mistaken, for madame sat nowhere. Before he had done +speaking madame was flying through the air, alighting on poor Jimmie's +foot, while Bee and I clawed at our dripping skirts in a mad effort to +follow suit. + +The morgue wagon pursued its way down the Rue de Rivoli, while we risked +colds, croup, and everything else in an endeavour to find a "_grand +bain_," splashing through puddles but marching steadily on, Jimmie in a +somewhat strained silence limping uncomplainingly at our side. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +STRASBURG AND BADEN-BADEN + +We are on our way to the Passion Play, and although each of the four of +us is a monument of amiability when taken individually, as a quartet we +sometimes clash. At present we are fighting over the route we shall take +between Paris and Oberammergau. Bee and Mrs. Jimmie have replenished +their wardrobes in the Rue de la Paix, and wish to follow the trail of +American tourists going to Baden-Baden, while Jimmie and I, having +rooted out of a German student in the Latin Quarter two or three unknown +carriage routes through the mountains which lead to unknown spots not +double starred, starred, or even mentioned in Baedeker, are wondering +how the battle between clothes and Bohemianism will end. + +We arrived at Strasburg still in an amiable wrangle, but all four agreed +on seeing the clock which has made the town famous. Our time was so +limited that there was not, as is often the case, an opportunity for all +four of us to get our own way. + +Anybody who did not know her, would imagine by the quiet way that Bee +has let the subject of Baden-Baden alone for the whole day, that she had +quite given up going there, but I know Bee. She has left Jimmie and me +to defend the front of the fortress, while she is bringing all her +troops up in the rear. Bee does not believe in a charge with plenty of +shouting and galloping and noise. Bee's manoeuvres never raise any dust, +but on a flank movement, a midnight sortie or an ambush, Bee could +outgeneral Napoleon and Alexander and General Grant and every other man +who has helped change the maps of the world. Only by indication and past +sad experience do I know what she is up to. One thing to-day has given +me a clue. I have a necktie--the only really saucy thing about the whole +of my wardrobe, the only distinguishing smartness to my toilet--upon +which Bee has fixed her affection, and which she means to get away from +me. I don't know how I came to buy it in the first place. However, I +sha'n't have it long. Bee is bargaining for it--that means that we are +going to Baden-Baden. She is not openly bargaining, for that would let +me know how much she wants it, but she has admired it pointedly. She +tied my veil on for me this morning, and even as I write, she is sewing +a button on my glove. Bee in the politest way possible is going to force +me to give her that tie. I wish she wouldn't, for I really need it, but +I must get all the wear I expect to have out of it in the next two days, +for by the end of the week, if these attentions continue, that Charvet +tie will belong to Bee. + +Last night, as soon as we arrived and had our dinner, we went to the +Orangerie. This great park with myriads of walks is one of the most +attractive things about Strasburg. A very good band was playing a Sousa +march as we came in and took our seats at one of the little tables. + +But just here let me record something which has surprised me all during +my travels in Europe; and that is the small amount of good music one +hears outside of opera. I have always imagined Germany to be +distinguished equally by her music and her beer. I have not been +disappointed in the beer, for it is there by the tub, but as to the +music, there is not in my opinion in the whole of Germany or Austria one +such as Sousa's, and as to men choruses, not one that I have heard, and +I have followed them closely wherever I heard of their existence, is to +be compared with any of our College Glee Clubs. In my opinion the casual +open-air music of Germany is another of the disappointments of +Europe--to be set down in the same category with the linden trees of +Berlin and the trousers of the French Army. + +German music seems to be too universally indulged in to be good. It is +performed with more earnestness than skill and the programme is gone +through with with more fervour than taste. The musicians of a typical +German band dig through the evening's numbers with the same dogged +perseverance and perspiration that they would exercise in tunnelling +through a mountain. In this connection I am not speaking of any of the +trained orchestras, but solely of the band music that one hears all +through the Rhine land. It is only tradition that Germans are the most +musical people in the world, for in my opinion the rank and file of +Germans have no ear for key. That they listen well and perform earnestly +is perfectly true. That they respect music and give it proper attention +is equally true, but that they know the difference between a number +performed with no expression, with one or two instruments or voices, as +the case may be, entirely out of pitch, and the same number correctly +rendered, is impossible to believe by one who has watched them as +carefully as I. + +Sousa once made the statement to the American Press that in his opinion +the American nation was the most musical nation in the world. He based +this astonishing belief, which was violently attacked by the +German-American Press, upon his observation of his audiences and by the +street music, even including whistling and singing. I agree with his +opinion with all my heart. In an American audience of the most common +sort an instrument off the key or improperly tuned will be sure to be +detected. It may be, nay, it probably is true, that the person so +detecting the discord will not know where the trouble lies or of what it +consists, but his ear, untrained as it is, tells him that something is +wrong, and he shows his discomfort and disapproval. I claim that the +ordinary American--the common or garden variety of American--has a more +correct ear than the common or garden variety of German. I claim that +the rank and file in America is for this reason more truly musical than +the same class in the German nation, although the German nation has a +technical knowledge of music which it will take the Americans a thousand +years to equal. For this reason an open-air concert in America is so +much more enjoyable both from the numbers selected and the spirit of +their playing, that the two performances are not to be mentioned in the +same day. + +A criticism which the wayfaring man will whip out to floor me at this +point, viz., that nearly all performers in American bands are Germans, +will not cause me to wink an eyelash, for the effect of American +audiences on German performers has raised the standard of their music so +that I am informed by Germans and Austrians that the most annoying, +irritating, and insulting factor in their otherwise peaceful lives is +the return of a German-American to his native heath. They tell me that +his arrogance and conceit are unbearable--that he claims that Americans +alone know how to make practical use of the technical knowledge of the +German--that the Teuton gathers the knowledge, the Yankee applies it. +This goes to prove my point. + +We Americans are a curious people. We get better music under our own +vine and fig-tree than they have anywhere else in the world but we don't +know it. There is no such band on earth as Sousa's, no better orchestra +than Theodore Thomas's or the Boston Symphony, and we hear the +Metropolitan and French operas. + +Take also our chamber music and from that come down to our street +ballads, and then to the whistling and singing heard in the streets, +with no thought of audience or even listeners. + +I have followed German music closely, and I claim that German +musicians, or rather let me say German producers of music, lack ear just +about half of the time. Their students cannot compare with our college +singing, their pedestrian parties, which one meets all through the +country, singing, often from notes (and if you take the trouble to +inquire, they will frequently tell you with pride that they belong to +such and such a singing society) almost drive sensitive ears crazy. But +they love it--they adore music, they take such comfort out of it, that +one is forced to forgive this lack of ear and this polyglot pitch, or +else be considered a churl. + +The Orangerie has, however, a very good average band--for Germany. The +picture of the great crowd of people gathered at little tables around +the band-stand, whole families together; of a tiny boy baby, just able +to toddle around, being dragged about by an enormous St. Bernard dog, +whose chain the baby tugged at most valiantly; the long dim avenues +under the trees where an occasional young couple lost themselves from +fathers and mothers; the music; the cheerful beer-drinking; the general +air of rosy-cheeked contentment has formed in my mind a most agreeable +recollection of the Orangerie of Strasburg. + +Strasburg has, however, much more to boast of than her clock. The city +was founded by the Romans, and in the middle ages was one of the most +powerful of the free cities of the German Empire, on the occasions of +imperial processions her citizens enjoying the proud distinction of +having their banner borne second only to the imperial eagle. + +Then, because of its strategical importance, in a time of peace, Louis +XIV. of France seized the city of Strasburg, and this delicate attention +on his part was confirmed by the Peace of Ryswick in 1679, thereby +giving Strasburg to France. The French kept it nearly two hundred years, +but Germany got it back at the Peace of Frankfort, 1871, and it is now +the capital of German Alsace and Lorraine. + +I never think of Alsace and Lorraine that I do not recall the statue in +the Place de la Concorde, with gay coloured wreaths looking more like a +festival of joy than mourning,--in fact I never think of Paris mourning +for anything, from a relative to a dead dog, that I can keep my +countenance. + +On the Jour des Morts, I once went to the Père-Lachaise and found in the +family lot of a duchesse with a grand name, a stuffed dog of the rare +old breed known as mongrel. In America he would have slouched at the +heels of a stevedore--or any sort of a man who shuffles in his walk and +smokes a short black pipe. But this yellow cur was in a glass case +mounted on a marble pedestal, and his yellowness in life was represented +by a coat of small yellow beads put on in patches where the hair had +disappeared. His yellow glass eyes peered staringly at the passer-by and +his tomb was literally heaped with expensive _couronnes_ tied with long +streamers of crape, while _couronnes_ on the grass-grown tomb of the +defunct husband of the duchesse, buried in the back of the lot behind +the dog, were conspicuous by their absence. I wondered if the widow took +this ingenious method of publishing to the world that in life her +husband had been less to her than her dog. + +Paris crape is this slippery, shiny sort of stuff, like thin +haircloth--the kind they used to cover furniture with. It is made up +into "costumes" which have such an air of fashion that the deceased +relative is instantly forgotten in one's interest in the cut and fit of +the gown. A butterfly of a bonnet, a tiny face veil coming just to the +tip of the nose, with the long one in the back sweeping almost to the +ground, completes a picture of such a jaunty grief, such a saucy sorrow, +that one would be quite willing to lose one or two distant relatives in +order to be clad in such a manner. + +The University of Strasburg changed its nationality as often as the +town, but not at the same time. In one of its German periods Goethe +graduated there as doctor of laws--which fact ought to be better known. +At least _I_ didn't know it. But Bee says that doesn't signify, because +I know so little. But Bee only says that when she has asked me some +stupid date that nobody ever knows or ever did know except in a history +class. + +The next day after our evening at the Orangerie, at half after eleven, +we went to the Cathedral to see the clock. It only performs all its +functions at noon, and as there is always a crowd of tourists about it, +we went early. + +The most wonderful feature of this clock to Jimmie is that it regulates +itself and adapts its motions to the revolutions of the seasons, year +after year and year after year, as if it had a wonderful living human +mind somewhere in its insides. Its perpetual calendar, too, is a marvel! +How can that insensate clock tell when to put twenty-eight days and when +to give thirty-one, when I can't even do it myself without saying: + + "Thirty days hath September, + April, June, and November, + All the rest have thirty-one, + Except February alone, + Which has but twenty-eight in fine + Till leap-year gives it twenty-nine." + +And who tells that clock when leap year comes, and when the moon +changes, and when it's going to rain, and when hoop-skirts will be worn +again? Wonderful people, these Germans. + +We were there on Monday when the clock struck noon. Monday is the day +when Diana steps out upon the first gallery. Each day has its +deity--Apollo on Sunday, Diana on Monday, etc. + +On the first gallery an angel strikes the quarters on a bell in his +little mechanical hand. Then a gentleman who has nothing else to do the +whole year round reverses an hour-glass each hour in the twenty-four; so +that you can tell the time by counting the grains of sand or by glancing +at the face of the clock,--whichever way you have been brought up to +tell time. + +Above this there is a skeleton, which strikes the hours, and evidently +cheerfully reminds us what our end will be, around which are grouped the +quarter-hours, represented by the four figures, boyhood, youth, manhood, +and old age. + +But the two most remarkable things are those which crown the clock. In +the highest niche, at noon, the twelve apostles, also representing the +hours, come out of a door and march around the figure of the Saviour. +Judas hangs his head, and the eyes of the Christ follow him until he +disappears. Then on the highest pinnacle of all, a cock comes out, +preens himself, flaps his wings, and gives such an exultant crow that +Peter pauses in his walk, then drops his head forward on his breast, and +so passes out of sight. + +When the performance is over, the crowd melts away. Some few stay to do +the Cathedral, but we went to luncheon. At luncheon it was decided to go +to Baden-Baden. Jimmie and I compromised on three days of it. + +There is nothing particularly interesting about the journey thither. +When you come to the village of Oos, you get off the train and take a +little train which is waiting on a siding, and in less than five +minutes, before you have time to sit down, in fact, you are at Baden, at +the entrance of the Black Forest, and find it beautiful. + +It was the height of the season and we went to a very smart hotel, where +they have very badly dressed people, because nearly everybody there +except us had money and titles. + +Now the height of the season at any watering-place depresses me. If I +could wear fern seed in my shoes to make me invisible, and sit on the +_piazza_ railing in a shirt-waist and a short skirt, I would love it. +But both Bee and Mrs. Jimmie, with the light of heaven in their eyes, +pulled out and put on their most be-yew-tiful Paris clothes, and if I do +say it of my sister--well, for modesty's sake, I will only say that Mrs. +Jimmie looked ripping. _I_ was happily travelling with a steamer trunk +and a big hat-box, and had hitherto rejoiced that my lack of clothes +would prevent my being obliged to dress. I thought perhaps Jimmie and I +would be allowed to roam about hunting little queer restaurants like Old +Tom's or the Cheshire Cheese. But when Jimmie's boyish face appeared +over a white expanse of tucked shirt front, I sank down in a dejected +heap. + +"And thou, Brutus?" I said. + +"Couldn't help it," he answered, laconically. "We'd better give in +handsomely for three days. It'll pay us in the end. Get into your 'glad +rags' and be good." + +"But I didn't bring my 'glad rags,'" I said. + +Just then Bee looked around from fastening a lace butterfly in her hair +on a jewelled spiral. + +"I had two extra trays in my trunk and I put a few of your things in. +Would you like to wear your lace gown? You've never even tried it on." + +My mouth flew open, contrary to politeness and my excellent bringing-up. +Jimmie collapsed with a silent grin, while I meekly followed Bee into my +room. + +When I saw my new gown all full of rolls of tissue-paper, packed by poor +dear Bee, I went to my trunk and pulled out my smart Charvet tie. I +handed it to her in silence. + +"Take it," I said. "I hate to give it up, but you deserve it." + +Bee accepted it gratefully. + +"It's good of you to give it to me," she said. "You really need it more +than I do, only this peculiar shade of blue is so becoming to me. I'll +tell you what I'll do though," she added, heroically. "I'll _lend_ it to +you whenever you want it." + +I thanked her, dressed, and then humbly trailed down to dinner in the +wake of my gorgeous party. + +Jimmie had engaged a table on the piazza, nearest the street and +commanding the best view of all the other diners. I very willingly sat +with my back to all the people, with the panorama of the Lichtenthaler +Strasse passing before my eyes, and in quiet moments the sounds of the +great military band playing on the promenade in front of the +_Conversationshaus_ coming to our ears. + +A great deal of grandeur always makes me homesick. It isn't envy. I +don't want to be a princess and have the bother of winding a horn for my +outriders when I want to run to the drug-store for postage stamps, but +pomp depresses me. Everybody was strange, foreign languages were pelting +me from the rear, noiseless flunkies were carrying pampered lap-dogs +with crests on their nasty little embroidered blankets, fat old women +with epilepsy and gouty old men with scrofula, representing the +aristocracy at its best, were being half carried to and from tables, and +the degeneracy of noble Europe was being borne in upon my soul with a +sickening force. + +The purple twilight was turning black on the distant hills, and the +silent stars were slowly coming into view. Clean, health-giving +Baden-Baden, in the Valley of the Oos, with its beauty and its pure air, +was holding out her arms to all the disease and filth that degenerate +riches produce. + +I wasn't exactly blue, but I was gently melancholy. Jimmie was smoking, +and Bee and Mrs. Jimmie had their heads together, casting politely +furtive glances at a table which held royalty. I certainly _was_ feeling +neglected. + +Suddenly a voice in English at my elbow said: + +"Pardon me, madame, but were not you at the Grand Hotel at Rome last +winter?" + +"Yes," I said. + +"I mean no impertinence in addressing you. I am the head waiter there in +winter, here in summer. I remembered you at once, and I came to say that +if anything goes wrong with any of your distinguished party during your +stay, I shall count it a favour if you will permit me to remedy it. The +hotel is at your disposal. I will send a private maid to attend you +during your stay. I hope you will be happy here, madame." + +Then with a bow he was gone. + +I was in a state of exhilaration inside which threatened to break +through at the sudden attentions of my party. + +"Who's your friend?" said Jimmie. + +"How nice of him!" commented his wife. + +"Servants never remember me, yet I always fee better than you do," +complained Bee. + +"Console yourself. It is only porters and head waiters who care whether +I am happy or not," I said, bitterly. + +"Deary me!" said Jimmie, sitting up. "Come, let's get out of this. We +must walk her over where she'll hear some music and see some pretty +lights or she'll drown herself in her bath to-morrow." + +We went, we promenaded, we showed our clothes, and came home smirking +with satisfaction. We had been pointed out everywhere for Americans, +which spoke volumes for our clothes and the smallness of our feet. + +During two mortal weeks we stayed at Baden-Baden, taking the baths, +improving our German and driving through the Black Forest and the Oos +Valley to the green hills beyond. + +Then on one happy day we were all packed to go. We sent our trunks +down, saw every drawer emptied, pulled the bed to pieces, looked under +it and decided that _this_ time we hadn't left so much as a pin. Bee +stuck her "_blaue cravatte_," as we now called the necktie, under the +bureau mat to put on when we came up, and then we snatched a hasty +luncheon. In the meantime we turned our "private maid" and the +chambermaid loose to see if we had overlooked anything. + +When we came up they were still rummaging, but had found nothing. + +Bee hurried to the bureau and looked under the mat. No tie. She asked +the two women. They had not seen it. Then everybody hunted. Jimmie swore +we had packed it. But Bee's gray eyes turned to green as she watched the +flurried movements of the two maids. She walked up to them. + +"Give me that blue necktie," she said, in awful German. + +At that Jimmie, who hates a row when it is not of his own making, +interfered and insisted that we must have packed it--he remembered +numbers of times when we had made a fuss over nothing--it was of no +account anyway, and if we would only come along and not miss the train +he would send back to Charvet and get Bee another "_blaue cravatte_." + +"For heaven's sake, take that man downstairs," I said to Mrs. Jimmie, +"and let us manage this affair." + +So poor Jimmie was whisked from the scene of action, still protesting +and gesticulating, and being soothed but marched steadily onward by his +wife. + +When we came down we were heated but unsuccessful. I insisted upon +reporting the affair to my friend the head waiter. He almost went back +on his devotion to me in his assurances that those maids were honest. +Then Jimmie had to come up and interfere, and those two men decided that +we had packed it. + +Bee was in a cold ladylike fury. + +We gave all the servants double fees to assure them that meanness had +not prompted the search, and got into the carriage. + +"Remember," said Bee, "I claim that one of those women has that tie in +her pocket now, because all four of us looked every inch of the rooms +over together. I advise you to have them searched. On the other hand I +will telegraph you from Nuremberg if I find it in my trunks." + +We had half an hour before the train left. Bee, who was riding backward, +kept looking out down the road whence we had come with a curious +expression on her face. Jimmie, in spite of warning pressures from his +wife's foot, kept sputtering about women's poor memories, etc. Bee +didn't even seem to hear. + +Presently, in a cloud of dust, up drove one of the men from the hotel, +with a little package in his hand. + +"_Blaue cravatte,_" he said, bowing. + +"Where did you find it?" demanded Mrs. Jimmie. + +"Between the mattress and the springs of the bed. Madame must have put +it there to press it." + +Jimmie looked sheepish and put us into the train with a red face. Bee +simply slipped the tie into her satchel and put on her travelling-cap +without a word, and began to read. Bee never nags or crows. + +So much for Baden-Baden. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +STUTTGART, NUREMBERG, AND BAYREUTH + +We had planned to go to Stuttgart next, but as we were nearing the town, +Bee pushed up her veil and said: + +"I don't see why we are going to Stuttgart. I never heard of it except +in connection with men who 'studied' in Stuttgart. What's there, Jimmie? +An Academy?" + +"I should say," said Jimmie, waking up. "The Academy where Schiller +studied." + +"That's very interesting," I broke in, "but it's hardly enough to keep +_me_ there very long. Are there any queer little places--" + +"Any concert-gardens?" asked Bee. + +"Are the hotels good?" asked his wife. + +"There is one hotel called Hotel Billfinger, which I'd like to try, +because Mark Twain's guide in 'Innocents Abroad' was named Billfinger. +Remember?" + +"He afterwards called him Ferguson, which I think is against the name +and against the hotel," I said. "Why do we stop except to break the +journey?" + +"Well, the real reason," said Jimmie, with that timid air of his, "is +because Baedeker says that in the Royal Library there are 7,200 Bibles +in more than one hundred languages, and I thought if you stayed by them +long enough you might get enough religion so that you would be less +wearing on my nerves as a travelling companion. It wouldn't take you +long to master them. While you are studying, the rest of us will refresh +ourselves in the Stadt-Garten, where Bee will find a band, where I shall +find a restaurant, and where my wife can ponder over Baedeker's choice +information of the places where it is not proper to take a lady." + +Nobody pays any attention to Jimmie, so we all stared out of the windows +to see that the town was beautifully situated, almost upon the Neckar, +and surrounded by such vine-clad hills and green wooded heights as to +make it seem like a painting. + +But Bee was still unconvinced. + +"It is the capital of Nuremberg and used to be the favourite residence +of the Dukes of Nuremberg," said Mrs. Jimmie, as we drove up to the +hotel, not the Billfinger, let me remark in passing. + +We found a band for Bee, and in the course of our stay in Stuttgart we +heard any number of men's choruses, students' singing and the like. +There was, too, the Museum of Art, and a fine one. There was also a +lovely view, from the Eugen-Platz, of the city which lies below it. But +after all, the Schloss-Garten and concerts to the contrary +notwithstanding, there is an atmosphere about the law schools, museums, +and collections of Stuttgart, which led frivolous pleasure-seekers like +us to depart on the second day, for Nuremberg. + +Jimmie has a curious way of selecting hotels. As the train neared that +quaintest of old cities, toward which my heart warms anew as I think of +it, he broke the silence as though we had held a long and heated +argument on the matter. + +"You might as well cease this useless discussion. I have decided to go +to the Wittelsbacher Hof, Pfannenschmiedsgasse 22." + +"Good heavens!" I murmured. + +"There you go, _arguing!_" cried Jimmie. "But can't you see the +advantages of all those extra letters on your note-paper when you write +home?" + +"Besides, it's a very good hotel, I've been told," said his wife, +affably. + +It _was_ a very good hotel, and there was a lunch-room half-way up the +main flight of stairs at the right as you enter, which I remember with +peculiar pleasure. Travellers like us may well be excused for +remembering a first luncheon such as that which we had at the +Wittelsbacher Hof. + +Then we all strolled out in the early summer twilight and took our first +look at Nuremberg. Tell me if you can why we went into such ecstasies +over Nuremberg and stayed there two weeks, when we could barely persuade +ourselves to remain one day in Stuttgart. But the picturesqueness of +Nuremberg is particularly enticing. The streets run "every which way," +as the children say, and the architecture is so queer and ancient that +the houses look as if they had stepped out of old prints. + +It was so hot when we arrived that we were on terms of the most distant +civility with each other. Indeed, it was dangerous to make the simplest +observation, for the other three guns were trained upon the inoffensive +speaker with such promptness and such an evident desire to fight that +for the most part we maintained a dignified but safe silence. + +Mrs. Jimmie bearded Jimmie in his den long enough to ask him to see +about our opera tickets at once. Everybody said we could not get any, +but trust Jimmie! The agent of whom he bought them had embroidered a +generous romance of how he had got them of a lady who ordered them the +January before, but whose husband having just died, her feelings would +not permit her to use them, and so as a great accommodation, etc., etc. + +Everybody knows these stories. Suffice it to say that Jimmie really had, +at the last moment, secured admirable seats near the middle of the +house, and everybody said it was a miracle. In looking back over the +experiences of that one opera of "Parsifal," I cannot deny that there +was something of a miracle about it. However, "Parsifal" was three days +distant, and Nuremberg was at hand. + +I love to think of Nuremberg. The recollection of it comes back to me +again and again through a gentle haze of happy memories. The narrow +streets were lined with houses which leaned toward each other after the +gossipy manner of old friends whose confidence in each other is +established. The windows jutted queerly, and odd balconies looped +themselves on corners where no one expected them. They call these pretty +old houses the best examples of domestic architecture, but warn you that +the quaint peaked roofs are Gothic and the surprises are Renaissance--a +mixture of which purists do not approve. But I am a pagan. I like +mixtures. They give you little flutters of delight in your heart, and +one of the most satisfactory of experiences is not to be able to analyse +your emotions or to tell why you are pleased, but to feel at liberty to +answer art questions with "Just because!" + +So Nuremberg. Its fortifications are rugged and strong. Its towers +imposing. It dates back to the Huns. Frederick Barbarossa frequently +occupied the castle which frowns down on you from the heights. Hans +Sachs, the poet, sang here. Albrecht Durer painted here. Peter Vischer +perhaps dreamed out the noble original of my beautiful King Arthur here. + +From the quaint and awkward statues of saints and heroes in church and +state, to such delicate examples of sculpture as the figure of the +Virgin in the Hirschelgasse, so delicate and graceful that it was once +attributed to an Italian master, you realise how early the arts were +established here and how sedulously they were pursued. Everywhere are +works of art, from the cruder decorations over doorways and windows to +the paintings of Durer in the Germanic Museum. It is a sad reflection to +me that most of Durer's work, and all of his masterpieces, are in other +cities--Munich, Berlin, and Vienna, and that, as it is in Greece, only +their fame remains to glorify the city of his birth. + +His statue, copied from a portrait painted by himself, stands in the +Albrecht-Durer Platz, and in his little house are copies of his +masterpieces and a collection of typical antique German furniture and +utensils. The exquisite art of glass-staining is the suitable occupation +of the custodian who shows you about the house. + +Indeed, wood carving, glass staining, engraving of medals and +medallions, copying ancient cabinets and quaint furniture are, if not +the principal, at least the most interesting occupations pursued in +Nuremberg to-day. In searching out the little shops I also found that +table linen, superbly embroidered and decorated with drawn-work of +intricate patterns was here in a bewildering display. + +Dear Nuremberg! A stroll through your lovely streets is a feast for the +eye and a whip to the imagination that no other city in the German +Empire can duplicate or approach. You abound in quaint doorways, over +which if I step, I find myself transplanted to the scenes of tapestries +and old prints, and I can easily imagine myself framed and hanging on +the wall quite comfortable and happy. + +One of these tiny doorways led us, on a bright Sunday afternoon, into +one of the oddest places we ever saw. It was the +Bratwurst-Glocklein--such a restaurant as Doctor Johnson would have +deserted the Cheshire Cheese for, and revelled in the change. + +It appeared to be a thousand years old. Perhaps Melanchthon expounded +the theories of the Reformation on the very benches on which we sat. + +The door-sill was high, and we stepped over it on to a stone floor, the +flagging of which was sunken in many places, causing pitfalls to the +unwary. The room was small and only half lighted by infinitesimal +windows. One end of the room was given up to what appeared to be a +charcoal furnace built of bricks, over which in plain view buxom maids, +whose red cheeks were purple from the heat, were frying delicious little +sausages in strings. We squeezed ourselves into a narrow bench behind +one of the tables whose rudeness was picturesque. I have seen schoolboy +desks at Harrow and Eton worn to the smoothness of these tables here and +carved as deeply with names. There was not a vestige of a cloth or +napkins. The plates and knives and forks were rude enough to bear out +the surroundings. In fact, the clumsiness and apparent age of everything +almost transported us, in imagination, to the stone age, but the +sensation was delightful. + +One of the maids brought a string of sausages sizzling hot from the pan +and deftly snipped off as many as were called for upon each of our +plates. We drank our beer from steins so heavy that each one took both +hands. A person with a mouth of the rosebud variety would have found it +exceedingly difficult to obtain any of the beer, the stein presenting +such unassailable fortifications. + +It was too hot when we were there to appreciate to the full this +delicious old spot, but on a winter evening, after the theatre, which +closes about ten o'clock, think what a delightful thing it would be, O +ye Bohemian Americans, with fashionable wives who insist upon the +Waldorf or Sherry's after the theatre, to go instead to the +Bratwurst-Glocklein! There you smoke at your ease, put your elbows on +the table and dream dreams of your student days when the dinner coat +vexed not your peaceful spirit. + +Owing to our late arrival and the enormous crowd of people at Bayreuth, +we found it expedient to remain in Nuremberg and go up to Bayreuth for +the opera. The day of our performance of "Parsifal" was one of the +hottest of the year. Not even Philadelphia can boast of heat more +consolidated and unswerving than that of North Germany on this +particular day. + +We put on muslin dresses and carried fans and smelling salts, and Jimmie +had to use force to make us carry wraps for the return. The journey, +lovely in itself, was rendered hideous to us by the heat, but when we +arrived at Bayreuth the babel of English voices was so delightfully +homelike, American clothes on American women were so good to see, and +Bayreuth itself was so picturesque, that we forgot the heat and drove to +the opera-house full of delight. + +I am sorry that it is fashionable to like Wagner, for I really should +like to explain the feelings of perfect delight which tingled in my +blood as I realised that I was in the home of German opera--in the city +where the master musician lived and wrote, and where his widow and son +still maintain their unswerving faithfulness toward his glorious music. +I am a little sensitive, too, about admitting that I like Carlyle and +Browning. I suppose this is because I have belonged to a Browning and +Carlyle club, where I have heard some of the most idiotic women it was +ever my privilege to encounter, express glib sentiments concerning these +masters, which in me lay too deep for utterance. It is something like +the occasional horror which overpowers me when I think that perhaps I am +doomed to go to heaven. If certain people here on earth upon whom I have +lavished my valuable hatred are going there, heaven is the last place I +should want to inhabit. So with Wagner. + +"Parsifal!" That sacred opera which has never been performed outside of +this little hamlet. I was to see it at last! + +I was prepared to be delighted with everything, and the childishness of +the little maid who took charge of our hats before we went in to the +opera charmed me. My hat was heavy and hot, and I particularly disliked +it, owing to the weight of the seagull which composed one entire side of +it, and always pulled it crooked on my head. The little maid took the +hat in both her arms, laid her round red cheek against the soft feathers +of the gull, kissed its glass bead eyes, and smilingly said in German: + +"This is the finest hat that has been left in my charge to-day!" + +Verily, the opera of "Parsifal" began auspiciously. Quite puffed up with +vainglorious pride over the little maiden's admiration of one of my +modest possessions, while Bee's and Mrs. Jimmie's ravishing masterpieces +had received not even a look, we met Jimmie bustling up with programmes +and opera-glasses, and went toward the main entrance. We showed our +tickets, and were sent to the side door. We went to the side door, and +were sent to the back door. At the back door, to our indignation, we +were sent up-stairs. In vain Jimmie expostulated, and said that these +seats were well in the middle of the house on the ground floor. The +doorkeepers were inexorable. On the second floor, they sent us to the +third, and on the third they would have sent us to the roof if there had +been any way of getting up there. As it was, they permitted us to stop +at the top gallery, and, to our unmitigated horror, the usher said that +our seats were there. Jimmie was furious, but I, not knowing how much he +had paid for them, endeavoured to soothe him by pointing out that all +true musicians sat in the gallery, because music rises and blends in the +rising. + +"We are sure to get the best effect up here, Jimmie, and those front +rows, especially, if our seats happen to be in the middle, won't be at +all bad. Don't let's fuss any more about it, but come along like an +angel." + +I will admit, however, that even my ardour was dampened when we +discovered that our seats were absolutely in the back and top row, so +that we leaned against the wall of the building, and were not even +furnished with chairs, but sat on a hard bench without relief of any +description. + +And the price Jimmie hurled at us that he had paid for those tickets! I +am ashamed to tell it. + +Now Jimmie hates German opera in the most picturesque fashion. He hates +in every form, colour, and key, and in all my life I was never so sorry +for any one as I was for Jimmie that day at Bayreuth. The heat was +stifling, his rage choked him and effectually prevented his going to +sleep, as otherwise he might have done in peace and quiet. He sat there +in such a steam and fury that it was truly pitiable. He went out once to +get a breath of air, and they turned the lights out before he could get +back, so that he stumbled over people, and one man kicked him. With that +Jimmie stepped on the German's other foot, and they swore at each other +in two languages and got hissed by the people around them. When he +finally got back to us, we found it expedient not to make any remarks at +all, and I was glad it was too dark for him to see our faces. + +Yet, in spite of Jimmie and the heat and the ache in our backs and the +hard unyielding bench, that afternoon at "Parsifal" is one of the +experiences of a lifetime. + +People tell us now that we were there on an "Off day." By that they mean +that no singers with great names took part. How like Americans to think +of that! Germans go to the opera for the music. Americans go to hear and +see the operatic stars. + +Happily unvexed by my ignorance, I heard a perfect "Parsifal" without +knowing that, from an American point of view, I ought not to have been +so delighted. The orchestra was conducted by Siegfried Wagner, and +Madame Wagner sat in full view from even our eyrie. + +And then--the opera! Perfection in every detail! I believed then that +not even the Passion Play could hold my spirit, so in leash with its +symbolism, its deep devotion, and its enthralling charms. + +The day on which I saw "Parsifal" at Bayreuth was a day to be marked +with a white stone. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +THE PASSION PLAY + +Jimmie came into the sitting-room this morning (for, by travelling with +the Jimmies, Bee and I can be very grand, and share the luxury of a +third room with them), but I suspected him from the moment I saw his +face. It was too innocent to be natural. + +"What you got, Jimmie?" I said. Jimmie's manner of life invites +abbreviated conversation. + +"Only the letter from the Burgomeister of Oberammergau, assigning our +lodgings," he replied, carelessly. He yawned and put the letter in his +pocket. + +"Oh, Jimmie!" we all cried out. "Have they--" + +"Have they what?" asked Jimmie, opening his eyes. + +"Don't be an idiot," I said, savagely. "You know I have hardly been able +to sleep, wondering if we'd have to go to ordinary lodgings or if they +would assign us to some of the leading actors in the play. Tell us! Let +me see the letter!" + +"Now wait a minute," said Jimmie, and then I knew that he was going to +be exasperating. + +"Don't you let him fool you," said Bee, who always doubts everybody's +good intentions and discounts their bad ones, which worthy plan of life +permits her to count up at the end of the year only half as many mental +bruises as I, let me pause to remark. "You know that not one in ten +thousand has influence enough to obtain lodgings with the chief actors, +and who are _we_, I should like to know, except in our own estimation?" + +"Well," said Jimmie, meekly, "in the estimation of the Burgomeister of +Oberammergau, my wife is an American princess, travelling incognito as +plain Mrs. Jimmie, to avoid being mobbed by entertainers. He promises in +solemn German, which I had Franz translate, not to betray her disguise." + +"That makes a prince of _you_, Jimmie," I said, sternly. "A pretty +looking prince _you_ are." + +"Not at all," said Jimmie modestly. "I felt that I could not do the +princely act very long either as to looks or fees, so I said that the +princess had made a morganatic marriage, and that I was it." + +"Jimmie!" said his wife, blushing scarlet. "How _could_ you? Why, a +morganatic marriage isn't respectable. It's left-handed." + +"My love! You are thinking of a broomstick marriage. Trust me. We are +still legally married, and if I should try to sneak out of my +obligations to you by this performance, I should still be liable in the +eyes of the law for your debts. Let that console you." + +"But--" said Mrs. Jimmie, still blushing, "by this plan they won't let +us be together, will they?" + +"They wouldn't anyway, as I discovered from their first letter. We are +all to be lodged separately, and from the tone of that first letter, in +which they addressed me as their prince, I hit on the morganatic +marriage as more economical in letting him down easy, without telling +him I had lied or having to pay for my lie," said Jimmie, with timid +appeal in his innocent blue eyes. + +"But where do I come in, Jimmie?" I said, impatiently. + +"You come in with Judas Iscariot. Where you belong!" said Jimmie, +severely. + +Bee howled. Mrs. Jimmie looked startled. + +"Nonsense!" I said, indignantly. "That is going a little too far. I +won't be put there. I believe you asked 'em on purpose, just so that you +could crow over me afterward." + +"You are getting slightly mixed," said Jimmie, politely. "If you mention +crowing, 'tis Peter you ought to have been lodged with." + +"What a fool you are, Jimmie!" + +Jimmie gave an ecstatic bounce. Whenever he has completely exasperated +anybody he simply beams with joy. + +"Where have they put me, Jimmie?" asked Bee. + +"They have thoughtfully assigned you to Thomas,--last name not +mentioned,--where you can sit down and hold regular doubting conventions +with each other and both have the time of your lives." + +"I don't believe you!" + +"Look and see, O doubtful--doubting one, I mean!" + +"My word! He is telling the truth!" cried Bee in astonishment. + +"I tried to get--" began Jimmie to his wife, but she stopped him. + +"Don't, dear," she said, gently. "You know I love your jokes, but don't +be sacrilegious. Leave His name out of this nonsense. I--I couldn't +quite bear that." + +Jimmie got up and kissed her. + +"They have lodged you with the Virgin Mary, sweetheart, and the two most +lovely Marys in the world will be in the same house together," he said. + +Mrs. Jimmie blushed and smoothed Jimmie's riotous hair tenderly. + +"And have they separated you and me, dear? Where have they lodged you?" + +"I have secured an apartment with Mary Magdalene--in her house, I mean!" +said Jimmie, straightening up. + +Bee and I shrieked. Jimmie edged toward the door. + +"Jimmie!" said his wife in horror. "_Please_ don't--" + +"Don't what?" + +His wife rose from her chair and turned away. + +"Don't what?" he repeated. + +"I was only going to say," said Mrs. Jimmie, "don't make a joke of +every--" + +"Well, if you don't want me to go there, I'll trade places with the +scribe and put _her_ with the lady who is generally represented +reclining on the ground in a blue dress improving her mind by reading. +Perhaps you would feel more comfortable if I lodged with Judas?" + +"No, indeed! and put _her_ with Mary Magdalene?" said Mrs. Jimmie, whose +serious turn of mind was as a well-spring in a thirsty land to Jimmie. + +"My dear," he said, impressively, with his hand on the door-knob. "Two +things seem to have escaped your mind. One is that this is only +play-acting, and the other is that Mary Magdalene, when history let go +of her, was a reformed character anyway." + +The door slammed. We both looked expectantly at Mrs. Jimmie. Her +apologies for Jimmie's most delicious impertinences are so sincere and +her sense of humour so absolutely wanting that we love her almost as +dearly as we love Jimmie. + +Mrs. Jimmie, large, placid, fair and beautiful as a Madonna, rose and +looked doubtfully at us after Jimmie had fled. + +"You mustn't mind his--what he said or implied," she said, the colour +again rising in her creamy cheeks. "Jimmie never realises how things +will sound, or I think he wouldn't--or I don't know--" She hesitated +between her desire to clear Jimmie and her absolute truthfulness. She +changed the conversation by coming over to me and laying her hand +tenderly on my hair. + +"You are _sure_, dear, that you don't mind lodging with Judas Iscariot?" + +Bee stuffed her handkerchief into her mouth and politely turned her +back. I bit my lip. It hurts her feelings to be laughed at. + +"Not a bit, Mrs. Jimmie. I shall love it." + +"Because I was going to say that if you did, I would gladly exchange +with you, and you could lodge with Mary." + +"Mrs. Jimmie," I said, "you are an angel. That's what you are." + +"And now," said Bee, cheerfully, who hates sentiment, "let's pack, for +we leave at noon." + +I don't apologise for Jimmie's ribald conversation, because many people, +until they have seen the Passion Play, make frivolous remarks, which +would be impossible after viewing it, except to the totally insensible +or irreligious. + +Jimmie is irreligious, but not insensible. He really had gone to no end +of trouble to obtain these lodgings for us, and he had insisted so +tenaciously that we must be lodged with the principals that we were +obliged to wait for an extra performance, and live in Munich meanwhile. + +We all four made the journey from Munich to Oberammergau, which lies in +so picturesque a spot in the Bavarian Alps, from very different motives. +Mrs. Jimmie, who is an ardent churchwoman, went in a spirit of deep +devotion. Bee went because one agent told her that over twelve thousand +Americans had been booked through their company alone. Bee goes to +everything that everybody else goes to. Jimmie went in exactly the same +spirit of boyish, alert curiosity with which, when he is in New York, +he goes to each new attraction at Weber and Field's. + +As we got off the train the little town looked like an exposition, +except that there were no exhibits. English, German, and French spoken +constantly, and not infrequently Russian, Spanish, and Italian assailed +our ears the whole time we were there. Only one thing was +characteristic. The native peasants looked different. The picturesque +costume of the Tyrolese men, consisting of velveteen knee breeches, gay +coloured stockings, embroidered white blouse, and short bolero jacket +with gold braid or fringe, and the Alpine hat, with a pheasant or eagle +feather in it, sat jauntily upon most of the young men, whose bold +glances and sinewy movements suggested their alert, out-of-door life in +their mountain homes. But the Oberammergau peasants walked with a slower +step. Their eyes were meek instead of roving, their smiles tender +instead of saucy, and they say it is all the influence of the Passion +Play, which for over three hundred years has dominated their lives. No +one who commits a crime, or who lives an impure life, can act in the +great drama, nor can any except natives take part. And as the ambition +of every man, woman, and child in Oberammergau is to form part of this +glorious company, the reason for the purity of their aspect is at once +to be seen. No murder, robbery, or crime of any description has been +committed in Oberammergau for three hundred years. + +The peasants of this little mountain village live their whole lives +under the shadow of the cross. + +Nor was it long before our little party came under this strange +influence. My own sense of the eternal fitness of things is so highly +developed that I was under the tense strain of nervous excitement which +always wrecks me after reading a strong novel or witnessing a tragic +play. I was afraid to see the Passion Play for two reasons. One that I +could not bear to see the Saviour of mankind personified, and the other +that I was afraid that the audience would misbehave. If I am going to +have my emotions wrenched, I never want any one near me. To my mind the +mad King Ludwig of Bavaria obtained the highest enjoyment possible from +having performances of magnificent merit with himself as the sole +auditor. This world is so mixed anyway, and audiences at any +entertainment so hopelessly beyond my control. Nothing, for example, +makes me feel so murderous as for an audience to go mad and stamp and +kick and howl over a cornet solo with variations, no matter how ribald, +and beg for more of it. And they always _do_! + +The Passion Play, up to a comparatively few years ago, had comic +characters and scenes, as for instance, there was once a scene in hell +where the Devil, as chief comedian, ripped open the bowels of Judas and +took therefrom a string of sausages. This vulgar and hideous buffoonery +was in the habit of being received with delight by the peasants from +neighbouring hamlets, which, up to fifty years ago, formed the principal +part of the Passion Play audiences. + +And as tradition, the handing down of legends from father to son, forms +such a part of the mountaineer's education, I was not surprised to hear +a party of Tyrolese giggle at moments when the deeper meaning of the +play was holding the rest of us in a spell so tense that it hurt. + +I remember in Modjeska's rendition of Frou-frou, when Frou-frou's lover +is breaking her heart, and the strain becomes almost unbearable, +Modjeska's nervous hands tear her valuable lace handkerchief into bits. +It is a piece of inspired acting to make the discriminating weep, but my +friend the audience always giggled irresistibly, as if the sound of +rending lace, when a woman's agony was the most intense, were a bit of +exquisite comedy. + +I am constrained to believe, however, that in almost entirely +remodelling the Passion Play, the village priest, Daisenberger, was not +moved by any consideration of what an ignorant audience might do, but +rather by the noble, Oberammergau spirit of a life of devotion, +dedicated to the rewriting, rehearsing, and directing of the +performance. + +The history of this man illustrates what I mean by the Oberammergau +spirit. In 1830 he was a young peasant who saw the possibilities of the +Passion Play. He went to the head of the Monastery at Ettal, and vowed +to consecrate his whole life to this work, if they would make him a +priest and permit him to become the spiritual director of the people of +the village. But he was obliged to study seven years before they gave +him the position. He was seventy years old when he died, having so nobly +fulfilled his vow that he is called "The Shakespeare of the Passion +Play." For forty-five years he superintended every performance and every +public rehearsal, and as these rehearsals take place in some form or +other almost every night during the ten years which intervene between +one performance and another, something of the depth of his devotion to +his beloved task may be gathered. + +Jimmie marvelled that he could leave his money and his valuables around, +and his room door unlocked, until they told him that the street door was +never locked either. At this information Jimmie grew suspicious, and +locked his bedroom door, much to the affliction of the gentle family of +Bertha Wolf, who plays Mary Magdalene. He explained to them that there +were plenty of Italian, French, and English robbers, even if there were +no Tyrolese. "And are there no American robbers?" they asked, simply, to +which Jimmie replied with equal guilelessness that Americans in Europe +had no time to rob other people, they were so busy in being robbed. + +"People think we are so very rich, you see," he explained, when they +gazed at him uncomprehendingly. Then he gave the little brown-eyed boy +who clings to his mother's skirt in one of the tableaux five pfennigs to +see him clap his hands twice and bob his yellow head, which is the way +Tyrolese children express their thanks. + +This living in the families of the actors was most interesting, except +for the autograph fiends, who simply mobbed the Christus, Anton Lang, +and Josef Maier, the Christus of the last three performances, who now +takes the part of the speaker of the prologue. Those dear people were so +obliging that no one was ever refused, consequently thousands of +tourists must possess autographs of most of the principals. Not one of +our party asked an autograph of anybody. I hope they are grateful to us. +I should think they would remember us for that alone. + +Mrs. Jimmie was not at all disturbed by the somewhat wooden and +inadequate acting of Anna Flunger, who plays Mary, and loved, I believe +almost worshipped, that young peasant girl, who walked bareheaded and +with downcast eyes through the streets, or who waited upon the guests in +her father's house with such sweet simplicity. To Mrs. Jimmie, Anna +Flunger was the real Virgin Mary, so real, indeed, that I believe that +Mrs. Jimmie could almost have prayed to her. + +Even Bee was intensely touched by an act of Peter,--for her lodging was +changed to the house of Thomas and Peter Rendl after we arrived. The +father, Thomas Rendl, plays St. Peter, while his son is again John, the +beloved disciple. He played John in 1890, at the age of seventeen, but +they say that there is not a line in his beautiful, spiritual face to +show the flight of time. His large liquid eyes follow the every movement +of the Master's on the stage, and their expression is so hauntingly +beautiful that even Bee admitted its influence. Bee said that one +evening, as they were sitting around the table, resting for a moment +after supper was finished, the village church bell began to ring for the +Angelus. In an instant the two men and the two women politely made +their excuses and rising, stood in the middle of the room facing +eastward, crossing their hands upon their breasts in silent prayer. Bee +said it was most beautiful to see how simply they performed this little +act of devotion. + +I wouldn't let Jimmie know of it for the world, but it has been quite a +trial to me to live in the house with Judas. He plays with such +tremendous power--he makes it seem so real, so close, so near. Once I +asked him if he liked the part, and he broke down and wept. He said he +hated it--that he loathed himself for playing it, and that his one +ambition was to be allowed to play the Christus for just one time before +he died, in order to wipe out the disgrace of his part as Judas and to +cleanse his soul. I cried too, for I knew that his ambition could never +be realised. I told him that perhaps they would allow him to act the +part at a rehearsal, if he told them of his ambition, and the thought +seemed to cheer him. He said he knew the part perfectly, and had often +rehearsed it in private to comfort his own soul. + +Such was his sincerity and grief, such his contrition and remorse after +a performance, that it would not surprise me some day to know that the +part had overpowered him, and that he had actually hanged himself. + +As to the play itself--I wish I need say nothing about it. My mind, my +heart, my soul, have all been wrenched and twisted with such emotion as +is not pleasant to feel nor expedient to speak about. It was too real, +too heart-rending, too awful. I hate, I abhor myself for feeling things +so acutely. I wish I were a skeptic, a scoffer, an atheist. I wish I +could put my mind on the mechanism of the play. I wish I could believe +that it all took place two thousand years ago. I wish I didn't know that +this suffering on the stage was all actual. I wish I thought these +people were really Tyrolese peasants, wood-carvers and potters, and that +all this agony was only a play. I hate the women who are weeping all +around me. I hate the men who let the tears run down their cheeks, and +whose shoulders heave with their sobs. It is so awful to see a man cry. + +But no, it is all true. It is taking place now. I am one of the women +at the foot of the cross. The anguish, the cries, the sobs are all +actual. They pierce my heart. The cross with its piteous burden is +outlined against the real sky. The green hill beyond is Calvary. Doves +flutter in and out, and butterflies dart across the shafts of sunlight. +The expression of Christ's face is one of anguish, forgiveness, and pity +unspeakable. Then his head drops forward on his breast. It grows dark. +The weeping becomes lamentation, and as they approach to thrust the +spear into His side, from which I have been told the blood and water +really may be seen to pour forth, I turn faint and sick and close my +eyes. It has gone too far. I no longer am myself, but a disorganised +heap of racked nerves and hysterical weeping, and not even the descent +from the cross, the rising from the dead, nor the triumphant ascension +can console me nor restore my balance. + +The Passion Play but once in a lifetime! + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +MUNICH TO THE ACHENSEE + +If there were a country where the crowned heads of Europe in ball +costume sat in a magnificent hall, drinking nothing less than champagne, +while the court band discoursed bewitching music, and the electric +lights flashed on myriads of jewels, Bee and Mrs. Jimmie would declare +that sort of Bohemia to be quite in their line. And because that kind of +refined stupidity would bore Jimmie and me to the verge of extinction, +and because we really prefer an open-air concert-garden with beer, where +the people are likely to be any sort of cattle whom nobody would want to +know, yet who are interesting to speculate about, I really believe that +Bee and Mrs. Jimmie think we are a little low. + +However, their impossible tastes being happily for us unattainable, +three hours after our arrival in Munich found Jimmie proudly marching +three sailor-hat and shirt-waist women into the Lowenbraukeller. + +It was about four o'clock in the afternoon when we arrived, and we took +our seats at a little table in the terraced garden. A rosy-cheeked maid, +who evidently had violent objections to soap, brought us our beer, and +then we looked around. There was music, not very good, only a few people +smoking china pipes and not even drinking beer, a few idly reading the +paper, and a general air over everybody of Mr. Micawber waiting for +something to turn up. + +Jimmie glanced around anxiously. The length of our stay depended upon +our ability to please Mrs. Jimmie and Bee, who were easily fatigued by +the populistic element of society. + +"Nothin' doin'," growled Jimmie in my ear. "Wake 'em up, can't you? +Create a riot. Let's smash our beer-mugs, and shout 'Down with the +Kaiser!'" + +"You'd find you would stay longer than you wanted to if you did that," I +said. "What do you suppose they are all _waiting_ for?" + +Jimmie called the redolent maiden, and in German which made her quiver +put the question. + +"At five o'clock they will open a fresh hogshead of beer--the +Lowenbrau," she answered him. + +"_Fresh_ beer?" cried Jimmie. "How long has this been opened?" + +"Since three." + +"Great Scott!" whispered Jimmie. "Think of me brought up on a bottle, +coming to a land where men will sit for an hour to get beer the first +five minutes it is opened." + +"See, they are opening it now," said the maid. + +Sure enough, every man in the garden slowly rose and ambled leisurely to +a horse-trough in the centre of the garden in which lay perhaps a score +of mugs in running water. Each took a stein or two or three, depending +on his party, and formed in line in front of the counter across which +the beer was passed. + +"Come, Jimmie," I said. "I'm going to get my own stein." + +"Why do they do that?" asked Mrs. Jimmie, after we had got in line. + +"It saves the half-cent charged for service," answered the maid. + +"Now isn't she funny!" complained Bee of me as I returned beaming with +content. "She _likes_ to go and do a queer thing like that instead of +sitting still to be waited on, like a lady." + +"Been waited on a million times like a lady," I ventured to respond. "It +isn't every day one _can_ get a cool mug and see the beer drawn fresh +and foaming like that. I felt like a Holbein painting." + +Bee, as at Baden-Baden, plaintively gave the attendant a double fee to +show that meanness had not caused my apparently thrifty act. Then for +the first time in our lives we found what fresh beer really meant. + +Even Bee and Mrs. Jimmie admitted that it was worth while coming, and +let me record in advance that when we got to Vienna, and they served us +an equally delicious beer in long thin glasses as delicate as an +eggshell, Bee grew so enthusiastic in the process of beer drinking that +Jimmie grew absurdly proud of his pupil, and professed to think that she +was "coming round after all." But Bee declared that it was the thinness +of the glasses which attracted her, and insisted that beer out of a +German stein was like trying to drink over a stone wall. + +We went many times after that, generally in the evening, when the +concert was held in a hall which must have contained two thousand +people, even when all seated at little tables, and where the band would +have deafened you if the hall had not been so large. Here Jimmie and the +waitress prevailed upon us to taste the most inhuman dishes with names a +yard long, which the maid declared we would find to be "wunderschön." + +We began in a spirit of adventure, but Jimmie's taste in food is so +depraved that if he followed the precedent all through his life, +Lombroso would class him as a degenerate. As it was, he soon had us +distanced. But we let him eat pickles and cherries and herring and cream +and tripe and garlic and pig's feet all stewed up together, while we +listened to the music, and planned what we would bury him in. + +The pictures in Munich we loved. I must say that I enjoy the atmosphere +of the Munich school better than any other. There is a healthiness about +German realism that one is not afraid nor ashamed to admire. French +realism is like a suggestive story, expunged of all but the surface fun +for girls' hearing. You are afraid of the laugh it raises for fear there +is something beneath it all that you don't understand. But the modern +Munich galleries were not the task that picture galleries often are. +They were a sincere delight, and let me pause to say that Munich art was +one thing that we four were unanimous in praising and enjoying as a +happy and united family. + +It was here that Jimmie proceeded to go mad over Verboeckhoven's sheep +pictures, and Mrs. Jimmie and Bee over the crown jewels in the Treasury +of the Alte Residenz. To be sure they _are_ fine. For example, there is +the famous "Pearl of the Palatinate," which is half black, and a +glorious blue diamond about twice as fine as the one owned by Lord +Francis Hope, which his family went to law to prevent his selling not +long ago, and a superb group of St. George and the dragon, the knight +being in chased gold, the dragon made entirely of jasper, and the whole +thing studded thickly with precious stones of every description. But, +except that these things are historic and kept in royal vaults, they are +no more wonderful than jewellers' exhibits at the expositions. + +But if you want to be thoroughly mixed up on the Nibelungenlied, after +you think you have got those depraved old parties with their iniquitous +marriages and loose morals pretty well adjusted by a faithful attendance +at Walter Damrosch's lectures and Wagner operas, just go through the +Königsbau, and let one of those automatic conductors in uniform take you +through the Schnorr Nibelungen Frescoes, and from personal experience I +will guarantee that, when you have completed the rounds, you won't even +know who Siegfried is. + +There is one thing particularly worth mentioning about Munich, and that +is that also in Alte Residenz, in the Festsaalbau, which faces on the +Hofgarten, and is 256 yards, not feet, long, are two small card rooms, +with what they call a "gallery of beauties." + +Now everybody knows how disappointing professional beauties are. Think +over the names of actresses heralded as "beauties;" of belles, who have +been said to turn men's heads by the score; of Venuses, and Psyches, and +Madonnas of the galleries of Europe, and tell me your honest opinion. +Aren't most of them really--well, _trying,_ to say the least? + +Titian's beauties all need an obesity remedy, and Jimmie criticises most +"beauties" so severely that we have got to searching them out, when we +are tired and cross, just to vent our spleen upon. + +Jimmie's favourite story is the old, old one of the old woman who saw a +hippopotamus for the first time. She looked at him a moment in silence +and then said: "My! ain't he plain!" + +It is pre-historic, that story, but it has saved our lives many a time +in Europe. It fits so many cases, and I mention it here just to prove my +point. Go, then, to the "Gallery of Beauties" in the Palace, and you +will find thirty-six portraits by Steiler, of thirty-six of the most +exquisite women conceivable to the mind of man. Some of these are +women, like the Empress of Austria, who were justly famed for a beauty +which is not often the gift of royalty. Others are women of whom you +have never heard, but so lovely that it would be impossible not to +remember their loveliness for ever and a day. + +We all enthusiastically bought photographs of the painting of the +Empress Elizabeth at the age of eighteen, which to my mind is one of the +most exquisite faces ever put upon canvas, and then, highly elated with +our presentation of Munich to Mrs. Jimmie and Bee, we gaily wended our +way southward, following the river Isar for a time, until we reached +Innsbruck, on our way to the Achensee. + +At Innsbruck we halted for a sentimental reason which I am not ashamed +to divulge, as the ridicule of the public would be sweet approval +compared to the way Jimmie wore himself to a shadow in the violence of +his jeers. But the fact is that the King Arthur of Tennyson has always +been one of my heroes, and in the Franciscan Church or the Hofkirche in +Innsbruck, there were twenty-eight heroic bronze statues, the finest of +these being of Arthur, König von England, by the famous Peter Vischer +of Nuremberg. + +So in Innsbruck we paused for a few days, finding it delightful beyond +our ideas of it, and exquisitely picturesque, situated on both banks of +a dear little foaming, yellow river, with foot-bridges upon which you +may stand and watch it rage and churn, and around it on all sides rising +the mountains of the Bavarian Alps, which are not so near as to crowd +you. Mountains smother me as a rule. + +Jimmie obligingly took us at once to the Hofkirche, to get to which we +passed under the Triumphal Gate, erected by the citizens on the occasion +of the entry of the Emperor Francis I. and the Empress Maria Theresa, to +commemorate the marriage of Prince Leopold, who afterward became the +Emperor Leopold II., with the Infanta Maria Ludovica. This magnificent +arch is of granite and will last thousands of years. It reminded me of +the Dewey Arch in New York--it was so different. + +The Emperor Maximilian I. directed in his will that the Hofkirche should +be built, and in the centre of the nave he is represented kneeling by a +sumptuous bronze statue, surrounded by the statues I had come to see. +Jimmie declared that the marble sarcophagus upon which the statue of +Maximilian is placed was "worth the price of admission," but Jimmie's +opinion is of no value except when he is accidentally right, as in this +instance. He studied this and the monument of Andreas Hofer, whose +remains are buried here, under a magnificent sarcophagus of Tyrolese +marble, leaving us to our bronze statues. + +I found my King Arthur perfectly satisfactory, much to my surprise, for +I am always prepared to be disappointed. Some of the statues are +ridiculous in the extreme, but these monstrosities served the better to +emphasise the dignity of King Arthur's pose and the nobility of his +countenance. + +Just after you leave the Hofkirche, you find yourself just opposite to +the "Golden Dachl," which the natives tell you is a roof built of pure +gold, but which the skeptical declare to be copper gilded. This roof +covers a handsome Gothic balcony and blazes as splendidly as if it were +gold, as Bee and Mrs. Jimmie preferred to believe. It is said to have +cost seventy thousand dollars, and was built by Count Frederick of +Tyrol, who was called "The Count of the Empty Pockets," to refute his +nickname. + +While we were taking infinite satisfaction in this little history, we +lost Jimmie. He emerged presently from a handsome shop near by followed +by a man bearing a large box. + +"What have you been buying, Jimmie?" we demanded, suspiciously. + +"Only a replica of Maximilian's statue," he answered, blandly. + +"You mean a 'copy,' my darling," I corrected him, sweetly. + +Now Jimmie loves a fight and so do I, so we immediately offered battle +to each other, Jimmie insisting on his replica, and I declaring that a +replica meant that the same artist must have made both the original and +the second article, which when made by another craftsman became a +"copy." + +Jimmie got red in the face and abusive, while I remained cool and +exasperating. I was getting even with Jimmie for everything since Paris. + +But conceive, if you can, my utter humiliation when, upon arriving at +the hotel, I discovered that the box contained, not Maximilian, but my +dear King Arthur, and that Jimmie had bought it for _me!_ + +I really cried. + +"Jimmie," I said in a meek and lowly voice, "you are an angel--a bright, +beautiful, golden angel, and from now on, I'll call this a +replica,--when I'm talking to a wayfaring man. And I'll never, never +fight with you again!" + +"Then gimme back that bronze man!" declared Jimmie. "If you give up the +battlefield I'll start home to-morrow!" Which shows you where I got +encouragement to be "ungentlemanly," as Jimmie calls me. + +Innsbruck is the capital of Tyrol, and the whole country of Tyrol is +like a picture-book. Its history is so stirring, its country so +beautiful, its people are so picturesque. There are any number of dainty +little lakes lying in among its mountains, which are accessible to the +tourist, and therefore semi-public, by which I mean not as public as the +Swiss or Italian lakes. But up the Inn River a few miles, and completely +hidden from the tourist, being out of the way and little known to +Americans, there lies the most lovely lake of all, the Achensee, and all +around it the Tyrolese peasants, as they ought to be allowed to remain, +simple, primitive, natural. We wanted to see them dance. So regardless +of whether an iron bound itinerary would take us there next, we folded +away our maps, put our trust in our little yellow coupon ticket book, +and started for the Achensee. From the moment we began to see less of +tourists and more of the natives, Jimmie's and my spirits rose. Chiffon +and patent leather might belong to Bee and Mrs. Jimmie, but here in the +Austrian Tyrol, Jimmie and I were getting our innings. + +We got off the train at Jenbach and left our trunks there. Then on the +same platform, but behind it, and a few yards beyond the station, there +is a curious little hunchbacked engine and an open car. Into this car we +climbed with our handbags, and beheld on the same seat with Mrs. Jimmie +a beautiful woman in a gown unmistakably from Paris, who looked so +familiar that we could scarcely keep from staring her out of +countenance. Finally Bee leaned across and whispered: + +"Don't look, but isn't that Madame Carreño?" + +Without heeding Bee's polite warning, I turned and pounced upon my idol. + +"Madame Carreño!" + +"My _dear_ child!" + +"What in the world are you doing here?" + +"Why I _live_ here! And you? How came _you_ to find your way to this +inaccessible spot?" + +"We are going to the Achensee--to the Hotel Rhiner, to hear Fräulein +Therese--" + +"You have heard of my little friend Therese, and you have come--how many +thousand miles?--to hear her sing and play on her zither?" + +"To do all that, but mostly to see if she will tell me her love story." + +"How do you know she had one?" inquired Madame Carreño, quickly. + +"I heard of it in England. Some one who knew the duke told me." + +"It was a lucky escape for her, and I think she will tell you all about +it. You see it happened, ah, so many years ago." + +To my mind, Madame Carreño is the most wonderful genius of modern times +at the piano. I have heard all the others scores of times, so don't +argue with me. You may all worship whom you will, but the whole musical +part of my heart is at Madame Carreño's feet, with a small corner saved +for Vladimir de Pachmann, when he plays Chopin. She claims to be an +American, but she plays with a heart of a Slav, and as one whose untamed +spirit can never be held in leash even by her music. Her playing is so +intoxicating that it goes through my veins like wine. The last time I +heard her play was in an enormous hall in the West, when her audience +was composed of music lovers of every class and description. Just back +of me was a woman whose whole soul seemed to respond to Carreño's +hypnotic genius. Carreño had just finished Liszt's "Rhapsodic Hongroise" +No. 2, and had followed it up with a mad Tschaikowsky fragment. I was so +excited I was on the verge of tears when I heard the woman behind me +catch her breath with a sob and exclaim: + +"My Lord! Ain't she got _vinegar_!" + +I repeated this to Madame Carreño at Jenbach, and she seized my hands +and shouted with laughter. Such a grip as she has! Her hands are filled +with steel wires instead of muscles, and her arms have the strength of +an athlete in training. + +The car propelled by the hunchbacked engine grated and bumped its way +over its cog-wheel road, pushing its delighted quota of passengers +higher and higher into the mountains. The Inn valley fell away from our +view, and wooded slopes, fir-trees, patches of snow on far hillsides, +and tiny hamlets took its place. + +"Here and there among these little villages live my summer pupils," said +Madame Carreño. "I have six. One from San Francisco, one from Australia, +one from Paris, one from Geneva, and two from Russia--all young girls, +and with _such_ talent! They live all the way from Jenbach to the +Achensee, and come to see me once a week." + +The train stopped with a final squeal of the chain, and a lurch which +loosened our joints. + +Before us spread a sheet of water of such a blueness, such a limpid, +clear, deep sapphire blue as I never saw in water before. + +Around it rose the hills of Tyrol, guarding it like sentinels. + +It was the Achensee! + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +DANCING IN THE AUSTRIAN TYROL + +Jimmie is such a curious mixture that it is really very much worth while +to study his emotions. I think perhaps that even I, who find it so hard +to discover either man, woman, child, or dog whom I would designate as +"typically American," am forced to admit that Jimmie's mental make-up is +perfect as a certain type of the American business man, travelling +extensively in Europe. The real bread of life to Jimmie is the New York +Stock Exchange; but being on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he +brought his fine steel-wire will to bear upon his recreation with as +much nervous force as he ever expended in a deal in Third Avenue or +Union Pacific. + +Hence he travels nervously yet deliberately, and views Europe from the +point of view of the American stock market, scoffing at my enthusiasm, +ironical of Bee's most cherished preferences, patient with his wife's +serious love of society, and chivalrously tolerant, as only the American +man can be, of the prejudices of his travelling family. + +I notice that he is taking on a certain amount of true culture. He is +broadening. Jimmie is beginning to let his emotions out; however, very +gradually, with a firm, nervous hand on the throttle-valve, with the +sensitive American's fear of ridicule as his steam-gauge. + +I watched Jimmie as he first saw the Achensee. The colour came into his +face, his eyes brightened, and he clenched his hands--a sure sign of +feeling in Jimmie. + +There was a little white steamboat at the pier. The lake spread out +before us was of the colour which you see when you look down into the +depths of some fine unmounted sapphire at Tiffany's. The pebbles on the +beach under the water looked as if they were in a basin of blueing. I +reached in to take one out, and thoroughly expected to find my hand +stained when I withdrew it. Around the lake arose little hills of the +same beauty and verdure as our Berkshires, with the exception that these +hills possessed a certain purplish, bluish haze with a gray mist over +them, which gave to their colouring the same softness that a woman +imparts to her complexion when she wears white chiffon under a black +lace veil. + +I cannot understand what makes the Achensee so blue and the Königsee so +green. Chemically analysed, the waters are almost identical, and the +verdure surrounding them is very similar, and yet the Königsee is as +green as the Achensee is blue. + +A little steamer took us around the edge of the lake, where at the first +landing-place Madame Carreño left us. We could only see the roof of her +cottage in the grove of trees. + +There is a new hotel somewhere along the lake; but we left that, with +its modern equipments and electric lights, and went where we had been +directed--to the Hotel Rhiner. Fräulein Therese met us at the landing. +Alas! she was no longer the beauty of her love story of thirty years +before. She was ample. Her short hair curled like a boy's, as without a +hat she stood under a green umbrella, to welcome her guests. She had +large feet, large hips, a large waist, and large lungs; but as she took +our hands in the friendliest of greetings, and beamed on us from her +full-moon face, we felt how delightful it was to get home once more. + +The Hotel Rhiner is severely plain,--almost unfurnished,--and its +appointments are primitive in the extreme. There was no carpet upon the +floor of our rooms. Two little single beds stood side by side. A single +candle was supposed to furnish light, and the wash-bowl was about the +size of your hand. Yet everything was exquisitely clean, and from the +windows of our corner room stretched away the blue Achensee and the +mountains of the Tyrol, making a view which made you forget that the +sheets were damp, and that the chairs were uncushioned. + +Physically, I am sure that I was never more uncomfortable than I was at +the Hotel Rhiner. The bed squeaked; the mattress, I think, was filled +with corn-shucks, the hard part of which had an ungentle way of +assailing you when you least expected it. Yet, if now were given to me +the choice of going back to the Élysée Palace in Paris, or the Hotel +Rhiner on the Achensee, it would not take me two seconds to start for +the corn-shucks. + +A rosy-cheeked, amply proportioned maid, named Rosa, dressed in the +picturesque costume of the Tyrolese peasants, installed us in our rooms +and advised us to row upon the lake and see the sunset before supper. + +Tourists from the other hotels were being landed at our pier from tiny +boats, to have their supper at the Hotel Rhiner, for the cooking is +famous. Jimmie came and pounded on our door, executing a small war-dance +in the corridor when we appeared, + +"We've struck our gait," he said, ecstatically, to me. "Virtue is its +own reward. This pays us for Baden-Baden and Paris. What do you think? +The Rhiner family themselves do the cooking. There are the old mother, +Fräulein Therese, three sons, two daughters-in-law, and five +grandchildren who run this house. I have ordered the corner table on +the veranda for supper--and such a table! And afterward there is going +to be a dance in the kitchen. Fräulein Therese has promised to play for +us on her zither, and there is going to be singing. Now, come along and +let's do the sunset stunt." + +Bee and Mrs. Jimmie followed us with gentle apprehension, for they are +always a little suspicious of anything that Jimmie and I particularly +like. Under a long, sloping roof we found several dozen little +row-boats, with the "shipmaster," a peasant whose costume might have +come out of a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. He launched us, however, and +the boat shot out into the lake, with Jimmie and me at the oars, and +then we saw a sight that none of us had ever seen before. The air was +wonderfully calm and still. The only ripple on the lake was that which +was left by our boat as we rowed out to where there was a break in the +hills. On the east and west, there the tallest hills fall away from the +Achensee and make an undulating line on the horizon. As we reached this +break, we stopped rowing, transfixed by the glory of the scene. + +The sun was just setting, a great molten mass of flame, splashing down +in the crimson clouds, which showed in the aperture between the hills. +Little thin wraiths of mist or haze curled up from this molten mass into +the rosy sky above, as if the gods on Olympus were mulling claret for a +marriage feast. The purple hills curved down on each side in the exact +shape of an amethyst punch-bowl, and the radiance of colouring fairly +blinded us. On the other hand, the full moon was rising above the +eastern hills in a haze of silver, but with a calmness and serene +majesty which formed a direct antithesis to the sinking sun she faced. + +Lower and lower sank the king, going down out of sight finally in a +blaze of splendour which left the western sky aflame with light. In the +east higher and higher rose the queen, rising from her silver mists into +the clear pale blue of the sky, and sending her white lances gliding +across the blue waters of the Achensee, till their tips touched our +oars. + +We watched it, hushed, breathless, awed. I looked at Jimmie. + +"What is it like?" murmured Bee. + +And to my surprise, Jimmie answered her from out of the spell this magic +scene had caused, saying: + +"It is like a glimpse of the splendours of the New Jerusalem." + +We had supper that night in the open air of the veranda, where Jimmie +had engaged the table. Hedwig, a waitress, whispered into my ear +confidentially that we would find the fish delicious, as they were some +of those the priests had not needed. + +The Tyrol, especially in the vicinity of the Achensee, is absolutely +priest-ridden, every one, from the peasants to the gentry, contributing, +and the best in the land going into their larders and their coffers. + +We were indebted to the overfeeding of these fat priests for a delicacy +which was then unknown to me--broiled goose liver with onions. It is a +German dish, but a rarity not to be had in even all first-class hotels +in Germany and Austria. When you have it, it is announced to the guests +personally, with something the same air as if the proprietor should say: + +"Madame, the Emperor and his suite will dine at this hotel to-night, at +eight." + +Goose liver may not sound tempting to some, but as I saw it that night, +cooked by the old mother of Fräulein Therese, a luscious white meat +delicately browned and smothered in onions as we smother a steak, and so +delicate that it melted in the mouth like an aspic jelly, it was one of +the most delicious dishes I ever essayed. + +As we were eating our dessert, a _gemischtes compote_ so rich that it +nearly sent us to our eternal rest, Fräulein Therese came and asked us +to have our coffee in the kitchen. A long, low-ceiled room, three steps +below the level of the ground, with seats against the wall, and a raised +platform on each side, with little tables for coffee, adjoined the +hotel. This room at one time perhaps had been a real kitchen, where +cooking was done. Now it was turned into a place of recreation. Around +the walls were seated a variegated, almost motley, array of men and +women, from the dear old fat mother of Fräulein Therese and the three +boys, the daughters-in-law, the granddaughters, to a picturesque old +man, whose coal-black beard fell almost to his waist, our friend the +"shipmaster," and the band of four musicians, all dressed in the +Tyrolese costume, with the exception of the women of the Rhiner family. + +Some thirty years ago the father Rhiner, now dead and gone, the mother, +whose voice is still a wonder, Fräulein Therese, and the three boys +journeyed to London to sing before the Queen at her jubilee. This made +them famous, and was the beginning of the Fräulein's love story, which +was told me in London by Lady J., a relative of the duke who so nearly +wrecked the Fräulein's life. + +By telling the Fräulein that I knew Lady J., I induced her to repeat the +story to me. + +"It was in St. Petersburg that I saw him for the second time. He was +then the Marquis of B., in the suite of the Prince of Wales, when he +went to pay a visit to the Tzar's court. The marquis loved me, as I +thought sincerely. I was very young, and I believed him. After he went +back to London, he arranged for me to sing in grand opera; they tell me +that it was a lie; that I could not have sung in opera; that he only +wanted to get me away from my family. They tell me that it was a wise +thing, directed by God, that I should drop the letter in which he gave +me directions how to meet him, that my sister-in-law should find it, and +that my brother should overtake me at the train, and prevent my going. I +do not know. I only know that I have always loved him. Even after he +became the Duke of M., and married one of your countrywomen, I still +loved him. Now he is dead, and I love him still. See, I wear this black +ribbon always in his memory. Yet they tell me that he lied to me, and +that it was for the best. Well, we are all in God's hands." And she +sighed deeply. + +She drew her zither toward her, and began to play as I never heard that +simple little instrument played before. Then one by one they began to +sing. It was amazing how little of the freshness of their voices has +been lost during all this time. I never heard such singing. A bass voice +which would have graced the Tzar's choir, came booming from the old man +with the black beard, as they yodeled and sang and sang and yodeled +again, until their little audience went quite wild with delight. + +Bee and Mrs. Jimmie were beginning to forgive us. Jimmie dashed over to +Fräulein Therese, at Bee's request, to ask who the old man was. + +"It's the cowherd," he announced, with his evil-minded simplicity, and +seemed to obtain a huge interior enjoyment from the way Bee pushed her +chair back out of range, and looked disgusted. + +Presently came Rosa, the chambermaid, and Hedwig, the waitress, and a +dozen young men from the neighbouring hamlet, and began to dance the +"schuplattle." I have seen this wonderful dance performed on the stage +and in other Tyrolese villages, but never have I seen it danced with the +abandonment of those young peasants in that little kitchen on the +Achensee. They were all beautiful dancers. The young "shipmaster" seized +our pretty Rosa around the waist, and they began to waltz. Suddenly, +without a moment's warning, they fell apart, with a yell from the boy +which curdled the blood in our veins. Rosa continued waltzing alone, +with her hands on her hips, while her partner did a series of +cart-wheels around the room, bringing up just in front of her, and +waltzing with her again without either of them losing a step. Then he +lifted her hands by the finger tips high above her head, and they +writhed their bodies in and out under this arch, he occasionally +stooping to snatch a kiss, and all the time their feet waltzing in +perfect time to the music. Suddenly, with another yell, he leaped into +the air, and, with Rosa waltzing demurely in front of him, began the +fantastic part of the schuplattle, which consists, as Jimmie says, "of +making tambourines all over yourself, spanking yourself on the arms, +thighs, legs, and soles of your feet, and the crown of your head, and +winding up by boxing your partner's ears or kissing her, just as you +feel inclined." + +I never saw anything like it. I never heard anything like it. It was so +exhilarating it aroused even the cowherd's enthusiasm, so that he came +and did a turn with Fräulein Therese. + +Then more of the peasants joined in the schuplattle, and in a moment the +kitchen was a mass of flying feet, waving arms, leaping, shouting men +and laughing girls, the dance growing wilder and wilder, until, with a +final yell that split the ears of the groundlings, the music stopped, +and the dancers sank breathless into their seats. The excitement was +contagious. One after another got up and danced singly, each attempting +to outdo the other. + +The other guests, who had seen this before, by this time had finished +their coffee and left. Our little party remained. The Fräulein Therese +came over to our table, saying that the "shipmaster" would like very +much to dance with me. I don't blush often, but I actually felt my whole +face blaze at the proposition. I protested that I couldn't, and +wouldn't; that I should die of fright if he yelled in my ear, and that +he would split my sleeves out if he tried "London bridge" with me. She +urged, and Jimmie urged, and Bee and Mrs. Jimmie joined. So finally I +did, the Fräulein having warned him that I would simply consent to +waltz, with nothing else. They never reverse, the music was fast and +furious, and the room was as hot as a desert at midday. After I had gone +around that room twice with the "shipmaster," he whirled me to my seat, +and for fully five minutes the room, the musicians, and the tables +continued the waltz that I had left off. It makes me dizzy to think of +it even now. + +When I got my sight back, I looked apprehensively at Bee, to see if I +had gone beyond the limit which her own perfectly ladylike manner always +sets for me; but to my surprise her foot was tapping the floor, and +there was a gleam in her eyes which told the mischievous Jimmie that the +music was getting into Bee's blood. Jimmie wrenched my little finger +under the table and whispered: + +"For two cents, Bee would do the skirt dance!" + +"Ask her," I whispered back. + +He jogged her elbow and said: + +"Give 'um the skirt dance, Bee. You could knock 'um all silly with the +way you dance." + +Bee needed no urging. It was quite evident she had made up her mind to +do it before we asked. She arose with a look of determination in her +eyes, which would have carried her through a murder. When Bee makes up +her mind to do a thing, she'll put it through, good or bad, determined +and remorseless, from giving a dinner to the poor to robbing a grave, +and nobody can stop her, or laugh her out of it any more than you can +persuade her to do it, if she doesn't want to. Nobody is responsible for +Bee's acts but herself. Therefore, I recall that scene with a peculiar +and exquisite joy which the truly good never feel. + +Bee's travelling-skirt was tailor-made, tight at the belt, and of ample +fulness around the bottom. She had on a shirt-waist, a linen collar, the +Charvet tie, a black hat with a few gay coloured flowers on it, and a +lace petticoat from the Rue de la Paix. At the first strains of the +skirt dance from the delighted band Bee seized her skirts firmly and +began the dance which is so familiar to us, but which those Tyrolese +peasants had never seen before. Jimmie says he would rather see Bee do +the skirt dance than any professional he ever saw on any stage. He says +that her kicks are such poems that he forgives her everything when he +thinks of them, but when she danced that night, Jimmie was so tickled +by the excitement and polite interest she created in her primitive +audience, that he stretched himself out on the bench in such shrieks of +laughter that even Bee grinned at him, while I simply passed away. She +sat down, flushed, breathless, but triumphant. + +Instantly she was surrounded by every young fellow in the room, +imploring her to dance with him, and at once Bee became the belle of the +ball. And, if you will believe it, when Mrs. Jimmie and I went outside +to get a breath of air, Bee, the ladylike; Bee, the conservative; +haughty, intolerant Bee, was dancing with the cowherd! + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +SALZBURG + +We had our breakfast the next morning on the same piazza where we had +dined and where the early morning sun gave an entirely new aspect to the +eternal blueness of the Achensee. Oh, you who have seen only Italian +lakes, think not that you know blue when you see it, until you have seen +the Achensee! + +"If you would only get back into yourself," said Jimmie, addressing my +absent spirit, "you might help me decide where we shall go next." + +"I can't leave here," I replied. "I cannot tear myself away from this +spot." + +"It _is_ beautiful," murmured Bee, dreamily, but she murmured dreamily +not so much because of the beauty of the scene as because eating in the +open air that early in the morning always makes her sleepy. + +"'Tis not that," I responded. "'Tis because, while some few modest +triumphs have come my way, I think I never achieved one which gave me +such acute physical satisfaction as I underwent last night at my sister +Bee's success as a _première danseuse_. Shall I ever forget it? Shall +danger, or sickness, or poverty, or disaster ever blot from my mind that +scene? Jimmie, never again can she scorn us for our sawdust-ring +proclivities, for do you know, _I_ shouldn't be surprised to see her end +her days on the trapeze!" + +But if I fondly hoped to make Bee waver in her thorough approval of her +own acts, this cheerful exchange of badinage, where the exchange was all +on my part, undeceived me, for Bee simply looked at me without replying, +so Jimmie uncoiled himself and handed the map to Bee. + +"Jimmie has talked nothing but salt mines for a fortnight," said Bee, +finally, "yet by coming here we have left Salzburg behind us." + +"Let's go back then," he said. "It isn't far, and it's all through a +beautiful country." + +For a wonder, we all agreed to this plan without the usual discussion of +individual tastes which usually follows the most tentative suggestion +on the part of any one of us who has the temerity to leap into the arena +to be worried. + +The whole Rhiner family, including the chambermaid, the shipmaster, and +Bee's friend the cowherd, were on the little pier, under some pretext or +other, to see us off, and not only feeling but knowing that we left real +friends behind us, we started on our way to Jenbach, down the same +little cog-wheel road up which we had climbed, and, as Jimmie said: +"literally getting back to earth again," for the descent was like being +dropped from the clouds. + +The journey from Jenbach to Salzburg was indeed marvellously beautiful, +but some little time before we arrived Jimmie emerged from his +guide-book to say, somewhat timidly: + +"Are you tired of lakes?" + +"Tired of lakes? How could we be when we've only seen one this week?" + +"And that the most exquisite spot we have found this summer!" + +"Certainly we are not tired of the beautiful things!" + +From this avalanche of replies Jimmie gathered an idea of our attitude. + +"Thank you!" he said, politely. "I think I understand. Would you consent +to turn aside to see the Königsee, another small lake which belongs more +to the natives than to the tourists?" + +For reply, we simply rose in concert. Mrs. Jimmie drew on her gloves and +Bee pulled down her veil. + +"When do we get off, Jimmie?" + +"In ten minutes," he said with a delighted grin. And in another ten +minutes we were off, and Salzburg was removed another twenty-four hours +from us. + +But after the Achensee, the Königsee was something of an anticlimax, +although the natives were perfectly satisfactory, and not an English +word was spoken outside of our party. But as Jimmie speaks +German-American, we got what we wanted in the way of a boat, and found +that the Königsee is quite as green as the Achensee is blue. At least it +was the day we were there. The tiny Tyrolese lad who went with us as +guide, told us that it was sometimes as blue as the sky. But the black +shadows cast upon its waters by the steep cliffs which rise sheerly from +its sides, give back their darkness to the depths of the lake, and for +the scene of a picturesque murder it would be perfect. There is a +magnificent echo around certain parts of the Königsee, and swans sailing +majestically on the breast of the lake remind one of the Lohengrin +country. + +We rested that night at a dear little inn and the next morning took up +our interrupted journey to Salzburg. + +On the way Jimmie talked salt mines to us until, when we arrived at +Salzburg, we imagined the whole town must be given up to them. But to +our surprise, and no less to our delight, we found Salzburg not only one +of the most picturesque towns we had met with, but interesting and +highly satisfactory, while the salt mines are not at Salzburg at all, +but half a day's drive away. Salzburg satisfied the entire emotional +gamut of our diversified and centrifugal party. It had mountains for +Jimmie, the rushing, roaring, picturesque little river Salzach for me, +the Residenz-Schloss, where the Grand Duke of Tuscany lives part of his +time, for Mrs. Jimmie and Bee, and the glorious views from every +direction for all of us. Here, also, Bee found her restaurants, with +bands, situated more delightfully than any we had found before. + +Hills bound the town on two sides--thickly wooded, with ravishing shades +of green, to the side of which a schloss, or convent, or perhaps only a +terraced restaurant, clings like a swallow's nest. All the bridle-paths, +walks, and drives around Salzburg lead somewhere. You may be quite +certain that no matter what road you follow you will find your diligence +rewarded. + +There is one curious restaurant where we went for our first dinner, +because two rival singing societies were to furnish the programme. It is +reached by an enormous elevator which takes you up some two hundred +feet, where there spreads before you a series of terraces, each with +tables and diners, and above all the band-stand. Here were the singers +singing quite abominably out of key, but with great vigour and +earnestness, and always applauded to the echo, but getting quite a +little overcome by their exhilaration later in the evening. Then there +is the fortress protecting the town, the Nonnberg, the cloisters in +whose church are the oldest in Germany, and they won't let you in to see +them at any price. This of itself is an attraction, for as a rule there +is no spot so sacred, so old, or so queer in all Europe that you can't +buy admission to it. But when I found the cloisters of the Convent +Church closed to the gaping public, I thanked God and took courage. We +found another spot in Salzburg where they allow only men to enter, but +as we found plenty of those in Turkey, we paid no particular attention +to the Franciscan Monastery for barring women, except that we had some +curiosity to hear the performance which is given daily on the +pansymphonicon, a queer instrument invented by one of the monks. Jimmie, +of course, came out fairly bursting with unnecessary pride, and to this +day pretends that you have lived only half your life if you haven't +heard the pansymphonicon. We gave him little satisfaction by asking no +questions and yawning or asking what time it was every time he tried to +whet our curiosity by vague references and half descriptions of it. +Jimmie is a frightful liar, and would sacrifice his hope of heaven to +torture us successfully for half a day. I don't believe one word of all +he has said or hinted or drawn or sung about that thing, and yet, I +would give everything I possess, and all Bee's good clothes, and all +Mrs. Jimmie's jewels, if I could hear and see the pansymphonicon _just +once_! + +One of the most romantic things we did was to take the little railway +leading to the top of the Gaisberg, where we spent the night at the +little Hotel Gaisbergspilze, and saw Salzburg lying beneath us, +twinkling with lights, and making a sight to be remembered for ever. +Tucked in among the Salzburg Alps you can see seven little lakes, and +the colouring, the dark shadows, and fleecy belts of clouds make it a +ravishing view, and full of a tender, poetic melancholy. Mr. and Mrs. +Jimmie sat very close together, and renewed the days of their courting, +but poor Bee and I held each other's hands and felt lonely. + +The romance of the situation drove me to poetry, and reduced Bee to the +submission of listening to it--for a short time. Trust me! I know how +far to trespass on my sister's patience! But when I said, mournfully: + + "Never the time and place + And the loved one all together," + +Bee nodded a plaintive acquiescence. + +In the morning, we _almost_ saw the sun rise, but not quite. Aigen, the +chateau of Prince Schwarzenberg, was more cheerful; so was Mozart's +statue and his _Geburthaus_. _I_ didn't know that Mozart was born in +Salzburg, but he was. There is something actually furtive about the way +certain facts have a habit of existing and I not learning of them until +everybody else has forgotten them. + +We decided to make the excursion to the salt mine on Monday, and on the +Sunday Jimmie arranged for us to visit the Imperial chateau of Helbrun, +built in the seventeenth century, and promising us several new features +of amusement and interest not generally to be met with. Our hotel being +a very smart one, filled with Americans, we naturally had on rather good +frocks, for it was Sunday, and we were to drive instead of taking the +train. We had all been to the church in the morning, and felt at liberty +to escape from the gossip of the piazzas, and to amuse ourselves in this +decorous way. + +Now, Jimmie is thoroughly ashamed of himself, and would give anything if +I would not tell this, but I have recently suffered an attack of +pansymphonicon, and this is my revenge. + +I noticed something suspicious in Jimmie's childlike innocence and +elaborate amiability during our drive. If Jimmie is business-like and +somewhat indifferent, he is behaving himself. If he is officiously +attentive to our comfort, and his countenance is frank and open, look +out for him. I hate practical jokes, and on that Sunday I almost hated +Jimmie. + +We drove first into a great yard surrounded by high trees. The horses +were immediately taken from our carriage, as if our stay was to be a +long one. Then we made our way through the gates into what appeared to +be a lovely garden or park with gravelled walks, flowering shrubs, and +large shade trees. There were any number of pleasure seekers there +besides ourselves. Father, mother, and six or seven children in one +party, with the air of cheerfulness and light-heartedness--an air of +those who have no burdens to carry, and no bills to pay, which +characterises the Continental middle class on its Sunday outing. It was +impossible to escape them, for their cheerful interest in our clothes, +their friendly smiling countenances robbed their attendance of all +impertinence. Thus, somewhat of their company, although not strictly +belonging to it, we went to the Steinerne Theatre, hewn in the rock, +where pastorals and operas were at one time performed under the +direction of the prince-bishops. + +Then, in front of the Mechanical Theatre, there is a flight of great +stone steps and balustrades of granite upon which, in company with our +German friends, we hung and climbed and stood, while the most ingenious +little play was performed by tiny puppets that I ever had the good +fortune to behold. Over and over again the midgets went through every +performance of mechanicism with such precision and accuracy that it took +me back to the first mechanical toy I ever possessed. This little +mechanical theatre is really a wonder. + +I have never been sure how seriously to blame Jimmie for what followed. +At any rate, he knew something of the trick, and I have a distant +recollection of the gleam in his eyes when he led his unsuspecting party +along the gravel walk to the side of a certain granite building, whose +function I have forgotten. I remember standing there and looking up the +stone steps at our German friends, when suddenly out from behind the +stones of this building, from the cornice, from above and from beneath, +shot jets of water, drenching me and all others who were back of me, and +sending us forward in a mad rush to gain the top of those stone steps, +and so to safety. A stout German frau, weighing something between three +and four hundred pounds, trod on the train of my gown, and the gathers +gave way at the belt with that horrid ripping noise which every woman +has heard at some time of her life. It generally means a man. It makes +no difference, however; man or woman, the result is the same. As I could +not shake her off, and we were both bound for the same place, she +continued walking up my back, and in this manner we gained the top of +the steps and the gravelled walk, only to find that thin streams of +water from subterranean fountains were shooting up through the gravel, +making it useless to try to escape. It was all over in a minute, but in +the meantime we were drenched within and without and in such a fury that +I for one am not recovered from it. It seems that this is one of the +practical jokes of which the German mind is capable. Practical jokes +seem to me worse than, and on the order of, calamities. Unfortunately +Mrs. Jimmie was the wettest of any of us. She had on better clothes than +Bee or I, and she refused to run, and she got soaking wet. I really pity +Jimmie as I look back on it. + +The visit to the salt mine we had planned for the next day. It was +necessarily put off. Two of us were not on speaking terms with +Jimmie,--Bee and I,--while Mrs. Jimmie, from driving back to the hotel +in her wet clothes, had a slight attack of her strange trouble, croup. +Poor dear Mrs. Jimmie! However, Jimmie's repentance was so deep and +sincere, he was so thoroughly scared by the extent of the calamity, so +deeply sorry for our ruined clothes, apart from his anxiety over his +wife, that we finally forgave him and took him into our favour again, to +escape his remorseful attentions to us. So one day late, but on a better +day, we took a fine large carriage, having previously tested the +springs, and started for the salt mines. A description of that drive is +almost impossible. To be sure, it was hot, dusty, and long. Before we +got to the first wayside inn we were ravenous, and Jimmie's thirst could +be indicated only by capital letters. But winding in and out among +farmhouses with flower gardens of hollyhocks, poppies, and roses; +passing now a wayside shrine with the crucifixion exploited in heroic +size; houses and barns and stables all under one roof; and now curiously +painted doors peculiar to Bavarian houses; the country inns with their +wooden benches and deal tables spread under the shade of the trees; +parties of pedestrians, members of Alpine clubs, taking their vacations +by tramping through this wonderful district; the sloping hills over and +around which the road winds; the blues and greens and shadows of the +more distant mountains, all combine to make this road from Salzburg to +the salt mines one of the most interesting to be found in all Germany. + +Never did small cheese sandwiches and little German sausages taste so +delicious as at our first stop on our way to the salt mines. Jimmie said +never was anything to drink so long in coming. Near us sat eight members +of a _Mannerchor_, whose first act was to unsling a long curved horn +capable of holding a gallon. This was filled with beer, and formed a +loving-cup. Afterward, at the request of the landlord, and evidently to +their great gratification, these men regaled us with songs, all sung +with exceeding great earnestness, little regard to tune, and great +carelessness as to pitch; but, if one may judge from their smiling and +streaming countenances, the music had proved perfectly satisfactory to +the singers themselves. Another drive, and soon we were at the mouth of +the salt mine. We had learned previously that the better way would be to +go as a private party and pay a small fee, as otherwise we would find +ourselves in as great a crowd as on a free day at a museum. If I +remember rightly, four o'clock marks the free hour. It had commenced to +rain a little,--a fine, thin mountain shower,--but the carriage was +closed up, the horses led away to be rested, and we three women pushed +our way through the crowd of summer tourists waiting for the free hour +to strike in the courtyard, and found ourselves in a room in which women +were being arrayed in the salt mine costume. This costume is so absurd +that it requires a specific description. + +Two or three motherly-looking German attendants gave us instructions. +Our costumes consisted of white duck trousers, clean, but still damp +from recent washing, a thick leather apron, a short duck blouse, +something like those worn by bakers, and a cap. The trousers, being all +the same size and same length, came to Bee's ankles, were knickerbockers +for me and tights for Mrs. Jimmie. + +European travel hardens one to many of the hitherto essential delicacies +of refinement, which, however, the American instantly resumes upon +landing upon the New York pier; it being, I think, simply the instinct +of "when in Rome do as the Romans do," which compels us to pretend that +we do not object to things which, nevertheless, are never-ending shocks. +I have seldom undergone anything more difficult than the walk in broad +daylight, across that courtyard to the mouth of the salt mine. We were +borne up by the fact that perhaps one hundred other women were similarly +attired, and that both men and women looked upon it as a huge joke and +nothing more. One rather incomprehensible thing struck us as we left the +attiring-room. This was the use of the leather apron. The attendant +switched it around in the back and tied it firmly in place, and when we +demanded to know the reason, she said, in German, "It is for the swift +descent." + +Jimmie was similarly arrayed when he met us at the door, but he seemed +to know no more about it than we did. At the mouth of the salt mine we +were met by our conductor, who took us along a dark passage, where all +the lights furnished were those from the covered candles fastened to +our belts, something on the order of the miner's lamp. + +Further and further into the blackness we went, our shoes grinding into +the coarse salt mixed with dirt, and the dampness smelling like the +spray from the sea. Presently we came to the mouth of something that +evidently led down somewhere. Blindly following our guide who sat +astride of a pole, Jimmie planted himself beside him, astride of the +guide's back; Mrs. Jimmie, after having absolutely refused, was finally +persuaded to place herself behind Jimmie, then came Bee, and last of all +myself. + +Our German is not fluent, nevertheless we asked many questions of the +guide, whose only instructions were to hold on tight. He then asked us +if we were ready. + +"Ready for what?" we said. + +"For the swift descent," he answered. + +"The descent into what?" said Jimmie. + +But at that, and as if disdaining our ignorance, we suddenly began to +shoot downward with fearful rapidity on nothing at all. All at once the +high polish on the leather aprons was explained to me. We were not on +any toboggan; we formed one ourselves. + +When we arrived they said we had descended three hundred feet. But we +women had done nothing but emit piercing shrieks the entire way, and it +might have been three hundred feet or three hundred miles, for all we +knew. After our fierce refusal to start and our horrible screams during +the descent, Jimmie's disgust was something unspeakable when we +instantly said we wished we could do it again. Our guide, however, being +matter of fact, and utterly without imagination, was as indifferent to +our appreciation as he had been to our screams. + +He unmoored a boat, and we were rowed across a subterranean lake which +was nothing more or less than liquid salt. We were in an enormous +cavern, lighted only by candles here and there on the banks of the lake. +The walls glittered fitfully with the crystals of salt, and there was +not a sound except the dipping of the oars into the dark water. + +Arriving at the other side, we continued to go down corridor after +corridor, sometimes descending, sometimes mounting flights of steps, +always seeing nothing but salt--salt--salt. + +In one place, artificially lighted, there are exhibited all the curious +formations of salt, with their beautiful crystals and varied colours. It +takes about an hour to explore the mine, and then comes what to us was +the pleasantest part of all. There is a tiny narrow gauge road, possibly +not over eighteen inches broad, upon which are eight-seated, little open +cars. It seems that, in spite of sometimes descending, we had, after +all, been ascending most of the time, for these cars descend of their +own momentum from the highest point of the salt mine to its mouth. The +roar of that little car, the occasional parties of pedestrians we +passed, crowded into cavities in the salty walls (for the free hour had +struck), who shouted to us a friendly good luck, the salt wind whistling +past our ears and blowing out our lanterns, made of that final ride one +of the most exhilarating that we ever took. + +But, of course, from now on in describing rides we must always except +"the swift descent." + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +ISCHL + +We were wondering where we should go next with the delicious idle wonder +of those who drop off the train at a moment's notice if a fellow +passenger vouchsafes an alluring description of a certain village, or if +the approach from the car window attracts. Only those who have bound +themselves down on a European tour to an itinerary can understand the +freedom and delight of idle wanderings such as ours. We never feel +compelled to go on even one mile from where we thought for a moment we +should like to stop. + +It was Jimmie who made this plan possible, without the friction and +unnecessary expense which we should have incurred had we followed this +plan, and bought tickets from one city to another, but in fussing around +information bureaux and railway stations, Jimmie unearthed the +information that one can buy circular tickets of a certain route, +embodying from one to three months in time, and including all the spice +for a picturesque trip of Germany and Austria, where one would naturally +like to travel. By purchasing these little books with the tickets in the +form of coupons at the railway station we saved the additional fee which +the tourist agent usually exacts, and this frugal act so filled us with +joy that our trip proved unusually expensive, for at every stop we +indulged in a small extravagance which we felt that we could well afford +on account of this accidental saving at the start. We have been so amply +repaid at every pause on our journey that it has become a matter of +pride with Jimmie and me to have no falling off from the standard we had +set. Therefore Jimmie came and sat down by me one morning and said: + +"Ever hear of Ischl?" + +"No," I said, "what is it? But I warn you beforehand that I sha'n't +touch it if it's a mixture of sarsaparilla and ginger ale, or lime juice +and red ink, or anything like that thing you--" + +"It isn't a drink," said Jimmie, in disgust. "It's a town! If people +who read your stuff realised how little you know--" + +"I am perfectly satisfied," I said, looking at him firmly, "that it +isn't twenty minutes since you found what Ischl is yourself. You never +learned a thing in your life that you didn't bring it to me as though +you had known it for ever, whereas your information is always so fresh +that it's still bubbling, and if Kissingen is a town as well as a drink, +why shouldn't Ischl be a drink as well as a town?" + +My triumphant manner was a little annoying that early in the morning, +but as Jimmie really had something to say, my gauntlet lay where I cast +it, unnoticed by the adversary. + +"Now Ischl," said Jimmie, "is where the Austrian Emperor has his summer +residence. It is tucked up in the hills with drives which you would call +'heavenly.' People from all over Austria gather there during the season. +There will be royalty for my wife; German officers for Bee; heaps of +people for you to stare at, and as for me, I don't need any attraction. +I can be perfectly happy where there is no strife and where I can enjoy +the delight of a small but interesting family party." + +I smiled at this statement, for when Jimmie is not carefully stirring me +up for argument or battle, I always feel his pulse to see if he is ill. + +"It will probably please Bee and Mrs. Jimmie," I said, doubtfully, "and +they have been _so_ good to us at the Achensee and Salzburg, perhaps--" + +"That's just what I was thinking," said Jimmie. "You're a good old sort. +You're as square as a man." + +At this, I positively gurgled with delight, for it is not once in a +million--no, not once in ten million years that Jimmie says anything +decent about me to my face. I sometimes hear rumours of approving +remarks that he makes behind my back, but I never have been able to run +any of them to earth. + +"If Ischl is a royal country-seat," said Jimmie, "I'll bet you a '_blaue +cravatte_' for yourself against a '_blaue cravatte_' for myself--both to +come from Charvet's--that Bee will know all about it." + +"You can't bet with me on that because I know I'd lose. I'll bet that +they both know all about it. Let's ask them." + +"Ever hear of Ischl, Bee?" said Jimmie, as Bee appeared as smartly got +up as if she were in New Bond Street. + +"Did I ever hear of Ischl?" repeated Bee, in surprise. "Why, certainly. +Ischl is where Emperor Franz Josef has his summer home. He is there now +with his entire suite, and next Wednesday is his birthday." + +"Say 'geburt-day,' Bee," I pleaded. Nobody paid any attention. Jimmie +looked meekly at Bee. + +"Have you decided on a hotel there?" he asked, ironically. But Bee +flinched not. + +"There are two good ones--the 'Kaiserin Elisabeth' and the 'Goldenes +Kreuz.' It will probably be very crowded, for they always celebrate the +Emperor's birthday." + +Jimmie and I looked at each other helplessly. She knew all about Ischl, +and had intended to steer the whole four of us there, while Jimmie and I +had just heard of it, and were planning to give her a nice little +surprise! + +Jimmie said nothing, but took his hat and went out to telegraph for +rooms. + +"I'm glad I didn't bet with you, Jimmie," I whispered as he passed me. + +It is the merest suspicion of a journey from Salzburg to Ischl, but it +consumes several hours, because every inch of the country on both sides +of the car is worth looking at. The little train creeps along now at the +foot of a mountain, now at the edge of a lake, and it is such a vision +of loveliness that even those unfeeling persons who "don't care for +scenery" would be roused from their lethargy by the gentle seductiveness +of its beauty. Ischl appears when you are least looking for it, tucked +in the hollow of a mountain's arm as lovingly as ever a baby was +cradled. + +Our rooms at the Goldenes Kreuz had a wide balcony where our breakfasts +were served, and commanded not only a view of the mountains and valleys, +and a rushing stream, but afforded us our only meal where we could get +plenty of air. + +Our first experience in the general dining-room was a revelation of many +things. The room was air-tight. Not a window or door was permitted to +be opened the smallest crack. The men smoked all through dinner, and +quite a number of women smoked from one to a dozen cigarettes held in +all manner of curious cigarette-holders, some of which were only a +handle with a ring for the cigarette, something like our opera-glass +handles, while others were the more familiar mouthpieces. But all were +jewelled and handsome, and the women who used them were all elderly. Two +women smoked strong black cigars, but as the smokers were very smart and +went in court society, Bee's eyes only grew round and big, and she +ventured no word of criticism. + +But all this smoke and lack of ventilation made the air very thick and +hot and unbreathable for us, so that we complained to the proprietor, +who sympathised with us so deeply that he nearly wept, but he assured us +that Austrians were even worse than the French in their fear of a +draught, and he declared that while he would very willingly open all the +windows, and as far as he was concerned, he himself revelled in fresh +air,--nevertheless, if he should follow our advice, his hotel would be +emptied the next day of all but our one American party. + +In vain we reminded him that it was August. Not a window nor a door was +opened in that dining-room while we were there. + +But we got along very well, for we are not too strenuous in our +demands,--especially when we realise that we cannot get them acceded +to,--so in lieu of air we breathed smoke, and in watching the people we +soon forgot all about it. Air is not essential after all when royalty is +present. + +If not royalty, at least the next thing to it. The gorgeous and glorious +officers of his Majesty's suite, handsome, distinguished, young, and +ever near the throne! Bee's eyes were glued to their table. We were +afraid the poor dear would never pull through. She scarcely ate any +dinner. + +"Bee," I whispered, pulling her dress under the table, "you really must +not pay them such marked attention. Remember your husband and baby--far +away, to be sure, but still _there_!" + +"What difference does it make, I should like to know," was Bee's +callous reply. "They can't speak English." + +Now of all the irrelevant retorts! + +Bee had so evidently capitulated to the whole lot that I stole a few +furtive glances myself, and while I was rewarded by some brief interest +from their table, and I felt sure that they were talking about us, it +seemed to me that the interest of _The One_, the tallest, handsomest, +and the one most suited for a pedestal in Central Park, was overlooking +both Bee's and my undeniable attractions, and was concentrating all his +fiery, hawk-like glances upon Mrs. Jimmie, whose total unconsciousness +of her great beauty is one of her supreme charms. She wore a black lace +gown that night with sleeves which came not quite to her elbow; no +bracelets to mar those perfect arms, but her hands fairly loaded with +rings. She never looks at any other man except Jimmie, and Jimmie thinks +that the earth exists simply for her. Poor Jimmie never can express his +emotion in proper words, but I have seen his eyes fill with tears of +love and pride as he whispered to me, "Isn't she ripping to-night?" + +She certainly was "ripping" that first night at Ischl--far more ripping +than any titled dame there, upon whose mature ugliness all her calm +attention was bestowed, while I was on the verge of collapse when I saw +that Bee's love was like to go unrequited, while Mrs. Jimmie's rings and +beauty--I name her attractions in their proper order as far as I was +able to gather from the enamoured officer's glances--snatched the prize. + +The situation as it bade fair to develop was far, far too sacred to +permit of ribald speech, so with the greatest difficulty I held my +tongue. For my only natural confidant, Jimmie, was plainly disqualified +in this case. + +The next morning Jimmie wanted us to drive, but I, hoping to give +matters an onward fillip, spoke so warmly in favour of a morning stroll +in the promenade "to see people" that he gave in, and Bee's attentions +to me while garbing ourselves were so marked that I almost hoped I had +been wrong the night before. + +But alas for our ignorance of officers' duties! Not one of those in his +Majesty's suite was visible, although all the old ladies were out in +force, and some very pretty Austrian girls appeared, smartly gowned, and +most of them carrying slender little gold or silver mounted sticks. +Those sticks caught Bee's eye at once, and she bought one before the +hour was over, much to Jimmie's disgust. + +But his expostulations produced no effect. It seemed queer to me--her +sister--that he should waste his breath. But Jimmie was obliged to +relieve his mind by saying that it looked too pronounced. + +"It's all right for an Austrian," said Jimmie, wagging his head. "But +everybody knows you are an American, and it doesn't look right." + +"Doesn't it go with my costume, Jimmie?" demanded Bee. "Look me over! +Doesn't it match?" + +Alas for Jimmie! It _did_ match. Bee's carrying it simply looked saucy, +not loud. I couldn't have carried it--I should have tripped over it, and +fallen down. Mrs. Jimmie would have dropped or broken it. Bee and that +stick simply fitted each other--there in Ischl! Nowhere else. + +At luncheon, just as we were going out, the four officers came in. We +passed them in the doorway. Bee looked desperate. They lined up to allow +us to pass, and for a moment I thought Bee was going to snatch one, and +make her escape. But she compromised, on seeing them seat themselves at +the table we had just left, by sending Jimmie back to look for her +handkerchief. + +"If that doesn't fetch an acquaintance," Bee's look seemed to say, "with +Jimmie burrowing around on the floor among their boots and spurs, I +shall have but a poor opinion of Austrian ingenuity." + +Jimmie was gone half an hour. When he came back, his face was too +innocent. He seated himself quietly, and after saying, "It wasn't there, +Bee," he went on smoking placidly. + +Now, any one who knows anything about anything, cannot fail to admit +that my sister ought either to be at the head of Tammany Hall or the +army. She gave one look at Jimmie's suspiciously bland countenance, then +gathered up her gloves, her veil and stick, and went slowly up-stairs, +apparently in a brown study. + +Jimmie is clever, but he is no match for a clever woman. No man _is_, +for that matter. + +The moment she was out of sight, he began to chuckle. + +"Great Scott," he whispered, bringing our three heads together by a +gesture. "If Bee knew that all those officers we just passed went right +in, and sat down at the very table we left, so that when she sent me for +her handkerchief I had to run bang into them, I wonder if she would have +gone up-stairs so calmly!" + +"Why didn't you tell her?" I cried. + +"I was going to--after I had got her curiosity up a little. They were +very polite, and nothing would do but I must sit down, and have a glass +of beer with them. I didn't want that, so I took a cigar, and they all +nearly fell over themselves to offer me one--from the most beautiful +cigar cases you ever saw. That tall chap with the eyes had one of gold, +with the Tzar's face done in enamel, surmounted by the imperial crown in +diamonds, and an inscription on the inside showing that the Tzar gave +it to him. I took one out of that case for Bee's sake. I'll save her the +stub!" + +"Did they ask any questions about us?" I said, guilelessly. + +"Yes, heaps. And when I told them how devoted my wife was to the Empress +Elizabeth they offered to make up a party to show us two of the shrines +she built near here, and invited us to dine afterward. So I made it for +this afternoon at three. Don't tell Bee. Let's surprise her. Her eyes +will pop clear out of her head when she sees them." + +Within ten minutes I had told Bee everything I knew, and had even +enlarged upon it a little, and Bee, in a holy delight, was preparing to +robe herself in costly array. She solemnly promised me to be surprised +when she saw them. + +Only two of them could leave--The One, whose name shall be Count Andreae +von Engel, and the other, Baron Oscar von Furzmann. They had a +four-seated carriage for us, while they accompanied us on horseback. + +That drive was one of the most romantic episodes which ever came into +my prosaic life. To be sure I was not in the romance at all,--neither +one of those bottle-green knights had an eye for _me_--but I was there, +and I saw and heard and enjoyed it more than anybody. + +Bee, with the craft of a fox, offered to sit riding backward with +Jimmie, knowing that she must thus perforce be face to face with the +horsemen. But in this she was outwitted by a mere man, but a man skilled +in intrigue and court diplomacy. Although the road was narrow and +dangerous, twisting over mountains and beside rushing streams, The One, +in order to feast his eyes on Mrs. Jimmie, permitted his horse to curvet +and caracole as if he were in tourney. Jimmie, while the count was doing +it, managed to whisper to me: "Tom Sawyer showing off," but _I_ knew +that it was for a second purpose which counted for even more than the +first. + +I must admit that this Austrian diplomat was very skilful, and managed +it in a way to throw the unsuspicious wholly off his guard, for, in +order not to make his manoeuvres too marked, he often rode ahead of the +carriage, when, by turning in his saddle, he could look back and fling +his ardent glances in our direction. They not only overshot me, but +glanced as harmlessly off Mrs. Jimmie's arrow-proof armour of complete +unconsciousness as if they had hurtled aimlessly over her handsome head. + +I was in ecstasies, for Bee's wholesome admiration of her stunning +officer and his undeniably unusual horsemanship prevented her from being +rendered in any way uncomfortable by his action, for truth to tell, Bee +_was_ a target for the roving glances of Baron von Furzmann, but he was +so hopelessly the wrong man that she not only was unaware of it then but +vehemently disclaimed it when I enlightened her later. Alas and alack! +The wrong man is always the wrong man, and never can take the place of +the right man, no matter what his country or speech. + +It was supremely interesting to talk with men who had known the +beautiful Empress well; to whom her living beauty was as familiar as her +pictured loveliness was to us. We plied them with countless questions as +to her wonderful horsemanship, her daily appearance, her dress, her +conversation, and her learning. Their enthusiastic praise of her was +genuine and spontaneous. + +I was dying to ask minute questions about the Crown Prince's affair, but +just enough sense was left in my make-up to know that I must not. They +might whisper their gossip to each other who knew all of the truth +anyway, but to strangers their loyalty would compel them to suppress not +only what they themselves knew but what we knew to be the truth. Both of +these officers had known Prince Rudie well; had hunted with him; +travelled with him; served with him; had often been at his hunting-lodge +Mayerling, where he died, but, when they came to refer to this part of +their narrative, they were so visibly embarrassed that we changed the +subject to the Princess Stephanie. Here, although they were studiously +careful to put nothing into actual words, their manner plainly indicated +their contempt and dislike of the heavy Belgian Princess, who was so +poor a helpmeet for the graceful and picturesque figure of the Crown +Prince of Austria. + +"Did you know the lady in her Majesty's suite who wrote 'The Martyrdom +of an Empress?'" I demanded, boldly. + +Von Engel's face flushed darkly. + +"I do not know. I am not certain," he stammered. + +"Never mind. Don't commit yourself. She was exiled, wasn't she, for +arranging meetings between Prince Rudolph and his _belle amie?_ She was +a dear thing, whoever she was, for she gave him what was probably the +only real happiness he ever knew. And when people love each other well +enough to die together, it means more than most men and women can +boast." + +Jimmie trod on my foot just here, so I stopped, but, to his and my +surprise, Mrs. Jimmie not only agreed with me, but added: + +"What a misfortune it is that princes and kings and queens must marry +for state reasons, so that love can play no part." + +I don't know whether Von Engel had not then put two and two together, so +that he knew that Mrs. Jimmie had her own husband in mind when she made +that speech about love or not. I think not, for I happened to be looking +at him, and for a moment I thought he was going to spring from his +horse right into her lap. + +To me the two loveliest women rulers of the world, the ones whose +histories I most grieve over, and with whose temperaments I am most in +sympathy, are the Empress Eugenie of the French and the Empress +Elizabeth of Austria. The Empress Elizabeth was of such a high-strung, +nervous, proud temperament that had there not been madness in her +unfortunate family, all her apparently unbalanced acts could be +accounted for by her imperious and imperial nature, and the stigma of a +mind even partially unbalanced need never have been hers. Many a wife in +the common walks of life has been driven to more insane acts in the eyes +of an unfeeling and critical world than ever the unhappy Empress +Elizabeth committed, and for the same causes. An inhumanly tyrannical +mother-in-law, the most vicious of her vicious kind, whose chief delight +was to torture the high-strung nature she was too small to comprehend; a +husband, encouraged in his not-to-be-borne gallantries by his own +mother, this same monstrous mother-in-law of the Empress; her +children's love aborted by this same fiend in woman form--is it any +marvel that the proud Empress broke away from her splendid torture and +found a sad comfort in travel and study? The wonder of it is that she +chose so mild a remedy. She might have murdered her husband's mother, +and those who knew would have declared her justified. If she had done so +she could scarcely have suffered in her mind more than she did. + +When I expressed some of these opinions I discovered that both officers +looked at me with undisguised sympathy. They themselves dared not put +into words such incendiary thoughts, but they welcomed their expression +from another. This was not the first time I had worded the inner +thoughts of a company who dared not speak out themselves, but, as +catspaws are invariably burned, I cannot lay to my soul the flattering +unction that I have escaped their common lot. Bee says I am generally +burned to a cinder. + +We had just visited the last of the shrines, which were interesting only +because erected by the Empress, when we were overtaken by a terrific +mountain storm which broke over our heads without warning. The rain came +down in torrents, but not even the officers got wet, for they instantly +produced from some mysterious region rubber capes which completely +enveloped their beautiful uniforms. + +I was not sure, but, in the general confusion of closing the carriage +top, I thought I saw Count Andreae whisper to Mrs. Jimmie. I am positive +I heard Von Furzmann whisper to Bee. So, not to be outdone, I leaned +over and whispered to Jimmie. I do so hate to be left out of a thing. + +We had a gay little supper at the Kaiserin Elisabeth, but I could not +see that Count Andreae "got any forrarder," as Jimmie would say, for he +literally could not concentrate his attention on Mrs. Jimmie on account +of Bee's attentions to him. Poor Von Furzmann had to content himself +with Jimmie and me. + +The next day being the Emperor's birthday, the whole town was gloriously +illuminated, and the splendid old Franz Josef--splendid in spite of his +past irregularities--appeared before his adoring people, with Bee the +most adoring of all his subjects. + +There were any number of little parties made up after that, for, of +course, we returned the civility of the officers. But after awhile +Ischl, in spite of the bracing air, and bewitching drives, and +occasional glimpses of royalty, and daily meetings with our beloved +officers, Jimmie and I began to think longingly of green fields and +pastures new. It was a little hard on Bee, and even on Mrs. Jimmie, to +drag them away from the morning promenade, where they always saw the +rank and fashion of Austria. I wondered what Bee's feelings would be at +parting with her loved ones, for most of our conversations lately had +tended toward turning our journeyings aside from Vienna to go north to +the September manoeuvres, in which our friends were to take part. We in +turn combated this by begging them to meet us in Italy in three months. +You should have seen their anguished faces when Jimmie and I mentioned +three months! A week's separation was more than they could think of +without tying crape on their arms. To our amazement they assured us that +a leave was out of the question. Von Engel declared that he had not had +a leave of absence for ten years and he doubted if he could obtain one +on any excuse short of a death in the family. + +At last, however, one fine day, with farewell notes and loaded with +flowers, and with the prettiest of parting speeches, we tore ourselves +away and were off for Vienna. + +As Bee leaned back in the railway carriage with one glove missing, I +looked to see her very low in her mind, but to my surprise she was +smiling slowly. + +"You don't seem to mind leaving them very much," I observed, curiously. + +"I haven't left them for long," she replied, drawing her face into +complacent lines. "They are both coming to Vienna on leave." + +"On _leave_?" I cried. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +VIENNA + +If Americans continue to flock to Europe in such numbers, the whole +country will in time be as Americanised as the hotels are becoming. +Vienna, with her beautiful Hotel Bristol, is such an advance in modern +comfort from the best of her accommodations for travellers of a few +years ago that she affords an excellent example, although for every +steam-heater, modern lift, and American comfort you gain, you lose a +quaintness and picturesqueness, the like of which makes Europe so worth +while. The whole of civilised Europe is now engaged in a flurried debate +as to the propriety of remodelling its travelled portions for the +benefit of ease-loving American millionaires. + +It was not the season when we arrived in Vienna, but we had letters to +the old Countess von Schimpfurmann, who had been lady-in-waiting to the +Empress Elizabeth when she first came to the court of Austria, a mere +slip of a girl, with that marvellous hair of hers whose length was the +wonder of Europe, dressed high for the first time, but oftenest flowing +silkily to the hem of her skirt. The countess was something of an +invalid, and happened to be in town when we arrived. Her husband, the +old count, had been a very distinguished man in his day, standing high +in the Emperor's favour, and died full of years and honour, and more +appreciated, so rumour had it, by his wife in his death than in his +life. + +We also had letters from a lady whose friendship Mrs. Jimmie made at +Ischl, to her daughter-in-law, Baroness von Schumann, the baron being +attached to an Austrian commission then in Italy; to several officers +who were friends of our officers in Ischl, and, last but not least, to a +little Hungarian, to whom I had a letter from America, who was so kind, +so attentive, so fatherly to us, that he went by the name of "Little +Papa"--a soubriquet which seemed to give him no end of pleasure. + +Thus well equipped, we prepared to fall in love with Vienna, and we +found it an easy task, for in spite of it being out of season, we were +vastly entertained, and in all likelihood obtained a more intimate +knowledge of the inner life of our Vienna friends than we could have +done if we had arrived in the season of formal and more elaborate +entertainment. + +The opera was there, and, with all due respect to Mr. Grau, I must admit +that we saw the most perfect production of "Faust" in Vienna than I ever +saw on any stage. + +The carnival was going on, where no Viennese lady, so the baroness +declared, would _think_ of being seen, because confetti-throwing was +only resorted to by the _canaille_ (and officers and husbands of +high-born ladies, who went there with their little friends of the ballet +and chorus), but where we _did_ go, contrary to all precedent, +persuading the baroness to make up a smart party and "go slumming." Her +husband being in Italy, she had no fear of meeting _him_ there, and she +took good care to send an invitation to any one who might have been +inclined to be critical, to be of the party, which, after one mighty +protest as to the propriety of it, they one and all accepted with +suspicious alacrity. + +It was not so very amusing. It consisted of merely walking along a broad +avenue lined with booths, and flinging confetti into people's faces. +More rude than lively or even amusing, it seemed to me, and my curiosity +was so easily satisfied that I was ready to go after a quarter of an +hour. But do you think we could persuade the other ladies to give it up? +Indeed, no! Like mischievous children, with Americans for an excuse, +they remained until the last ones, laughing immoderately when they +encountered men they knew. But as these men always claimed that they had +heard we were coming, and immediately attached themselves to our party +as a sort of sheet armour of protection against possible tales out of +school, our supper party afterward was quite large. A carnival like that +in America would end in a fight, if not in murder, for the American +loses sight of the fact that it is simply rude play, and when he sees a +handful of coloured paper flung in his wife's face, it might as well be +water or pebbles for the stirring effect it has on his fighting blood. + +The baroness had such a beautiful evening that she quite sighed when it +was over. + +"Don't you ever have this in America?" she asked Bee. + +"No, indeed," said Bee. "And if we did, we wouldn't go to it. We reserve +such frolics for Europe." + +"Exactly as it is with us," declared the baroness; "Carl and I always go +in Paris and Nice, but here--well, we had to have you for an excuse. I +must thank you for giving us such an amusing evening!" she added, gaily. +"After all, it is so much more diverting to catch one's friends in +mischief than strangers whom no one cares about!" + +I suppose, in showing Vienna to us, we showed more of Vienna to the +baroness and her friends than they ever had seen before. We went into +all the booths and shows; we were in St. Stephen's Church at sunset to +see the light filter through those marvels of stained-glass windows. +Instead of stately drives in the Prater, we took little excursions into +the country and dined at blissful open-air restaurants, with views of +the Danube and distant Vienna, which they never had seen before. They +became quite enthusiastic over seeking out new diversions for us, and, +through their court influence, I feel sure that few Americans could have +got a more intimate knowledge of Vienna than we. + +An amusing coincidence happened while we were there, concerning the gown +Mrs. Jimmie was to be painted in. The baroness's brother, Count Georg +Brunow, was an authority on dress, and, as he designed all the gowns for +his cousin, who was also in the Emperor's suite, he begged permission to +design Mrs. Jimmie's. His English was a little queer, so this is what he +said after an anxious scrutiny of Mrs. Jimmie's beauty: + +"You must have a gown of white--soft white chiffon or mull over a white +satin slip. It must be very full and fluffy around the foot, and be +looped up on the skirt and around the decollete corsage with festoons of +small pink considerations." + +"Considerations?" said Mrs. Jimmie. + +"Carnations, you mean," said Bee. + +"Yes, thank you. My English is so rusty. I mean pink carnations." + +Mrs. Jimmie thanked him, and we all discussed it approvingly. Still, +she told me privately that she would not decide until she got back to +Paris to her own man, who knew her taste and style. + +"You know, for a portrait," said Count Georg, "you do not want anything +pronounced. It must be quite simple, so that in fifty years it will +still be beautiful." + +When we got back to Paris, we presented ourselves before Mrs. Jimmie's +dressmaker, who has dressed her ever since she was sixteen. She told him +to design a gown for a full-length portrait. He looked at her carefully +and said, slowly: + +"I would suggest a gown of soft white over a white satin slip. It should +be cut low in the corsage, and have no sleeves. A touch of colour in the +shape of loops of small pink roses at the foot, heading a triple flounce +of white, and on the shoulders and around the top of the bodice. You +know for a portrait, madame, you want no epoch-making effect. It should +be quite simple, so that in the years to come it may still please the +eye as a work of art and not a creation of the dressmaker's skill." + +Bee and I nearly had to be removed in an ambulance, and even Mrs. +Jimmie looked startled. + +"Order it," I whispered. "Plainly, Providence has a hand in this design. +It might be dangerous to flout such a sign from heaven." + +All of which goes to prove that the eye of the artist is true the world +over. Or, at least, that is the deduction I drew. Bee is more skeptical. + +The Countess von Schimpfurmann lived in a marvellous old house, to which +we were invited again and again, her dear old politeness causing her to +give three handsome entertainments for us, so that each could be a guest +of honour at least once, and be distinguished by a seat on the sofa. The +Emperor being at Ischl, we were permitted all sorts of intimate +privileges with the Imperial Residenz, the court stables and private +views not ordinarily shown to travellers, which were more interesting +from being personally conducted than by the marvels we saw, for several +years of continuous travel rather blunt one's ecstasy and effectively +wear out one's adjectives. + +Again, as in Munich, we were never tired of the picture-galleries, the +whole school of German and Austrian art being quite to our taste, while +if there exists anywhere else a more wonderful collection of original +drawings of such masters as Raphael, Durer, Rubens, and Rembrandt which +comprise the Albertina in the palace of the Archduke Albert, I do not +know of it. + +The old countess had numerous anecdotes to tell of the beautiful +Empress, all of which confirmed and strengthened my belief that she was +most of all a glorious woman gloriously misunderstood by her nearest and +dearest. What other prince or princess of Europe in all history turned +to so noble a pursuit as culture, learning, and travel to cure a broken +heart and a wrecked existence in the majestic manner of this silent, +haughty, noble soul? The excesses, dissipation, and intrigue which +served to divert other bruised royal hearts were as far beneath this +imperial nature as if they did not exist. Her life, in its crystal +purity and its scorn of intrigue, is unique in royal history. Yet she, +this blameless princess, this woman of imperial beauty, this noblest of +all empresses, was marked to be stricken down by the red hand of +anarchy, to whose crime, and poison, and danger we open our national +ports with an unwisdom which is criminal stupidity, and of which we +shall inevitably reap the benefit. America cannot warm the asp of +anarchy in her bosom without expecting it to turn and sting her. + +The deference paid to royalty is so difficult of comprehension to the +republican mind that every time we encountered it it gave us a separate +shock of surprise. At least, it gave it to me. I have an idea from the +way events finally shaped themselves that Bee and Mrs. Jimmie were a +little more alive to its possibilities than I was. + +The Bristol was quite full when we arrived and Jimmie could not get +communicating rooms, nor very good ones. I did not particularly notice +it at the time, but I remembered afterward that Bee kept urging him to +change them, and Jimmie made two or three endeavours, but seemed to +obtain no favour at the hands of the proprietor. + +One morning, however, when Jimmie started to leave the sitting-room, he +opened the door and closed it again suddenly. We were sitting there +waiting for breakfast to be served, and we were all three struck by the +expression on his face. + +"What's the matter, Jimmie?" + +He looked at us queerly. + +"What have you three been up to?" he asked. + +"Nothing. Honestly and truly!" we cried. "What's out in the hall? Or are +you just pretending?" + +"The hall is full of menials and officials and gold lace and brass +buttons. I hope you haven't done anything to be arrested for!" + +Bee began to look knowing, and just then came a knock at the door. + +"If you please," said the interpreter, bowing at every other word, "here +is one of the Emperor's couriers just from Ischl, with despatches from +the court of his Imperial Majesty for the ladies if they are ready to +receive them. The courier had orders not to disturb their sleep. He +waited here in the corridor until he heard voices. Will the excellent +ladies be pleased to receive them? His orders are to wait for answers." + +Jimmie signified that we would receive them, when forth stepped a man +in the imperial liveries and handed him a packet on a silver tray. +Jimmie had the wit to lay a gold piece on the tray, at which the courier +almost knelt to express his thanks. The other attendants drew long +envious breaths. + +The door was shut, and Mrs. Jimmie and Bee opened their letters. Both +were from Count Andreae von Engel, saying that he and Von Furzmann, +rendered desperate by the near departure of his Majesty for the +manoeuvres, had resolved to risk dismissal from his suite by absence +without leave. The letter said that on that day--the day on which it was +written--they had both attended his Majesty on a hunt, and as he seldom +hunted with the same officers two days in succession, they bade fair not +to be on duty after noon the next day. Therefore, if we heard nothing to +the contrary, they would leave Ischl on the one o'clock train in +uniform, as if on official business. Their servants would board the +train at Gmund with citizens' clothes, and they would be with us soon +after seven that night. They begged leave to dine with us in our +private dining-room that evening, and would we be so gracious as to +receive them until midnight, when they must take train for Ischl, and be +on duty in uniform by seven in the morning. + +I simply shrieked, as I looked at Jimmie's perplexed face. + +"What shall we do?" he said. "We can't have 'em here! We must stop 'em! +Get a telegraph blank, Bee! We haven't any private dining-room, anyhow, +and if they got caught we might be dragged into it! Well, what is it?" + +He turned to the door half savagely, and there stood the proprietor, +with some ten or twelve servants at his heels. + +"You were speaking to me the other day about better rooms? Will it +please you to look at some on the second floor, which have never been +occupied since they were done over? There are five rooms _en +suite_--just about what your Excellency desires." + +Jimmie turned to us with a sickly grin. + +We all waited for Mrs. Jimmie to speak. + +"Jimmie, dear," she said at last, "if you don't object, I think it would +be very nice to take those rooms, and entertain the gentlemen this +evening. Of course, they cannot be seen in the public dining-room, and, +after all, they _are_ gentlemen and in the Emperor's suite, so their +attentions to us, while a little more pronounced than we are accustomed +to, _are_ an honour." + +Jimmie said nothing, but went to the door and signified that we would +look at the rooms. + +We did look; we took them, and before noon every handsome piece of +furniture from all over the house had been placed in our suite; flowers +were everywhere, and servants fairly swarmed at our commands. + +Jimmie, in reality, was not at all pleased by any of this, but he has +such a blissful sense of humour that he could not help seeing the +pitiful front it put upon human nature, both Austrian and American. He +permitted himself, however, only one remark. This was now done with his +wife's sanction, and loyalty to her closed his lips. But he beckoned me +over to the window, and, handing me a paper-knife, he turned up the sole +of his shoe, saying: + +"Scrape 'em off!" + +"Scrape what off, Jimmie?" + +"The servants! I haven't been able to step to-day without crushing a +dozen of 'em!" + +As I turned away he called out: + +"There aren't any on the shoes I wore yesterday!" + +A rumour somewhat near the truth had swept through the hotel, for +wherever we appeared we found ourselves the object of the deepest +attention, not only by the slavish minions of the hotel from the +proprietor down, but from the other guests. + +It was so pronounced that my feeble spirit quaked, so to borrow some of +my sister's soul-sustaining joy, I went into her room and said: + +"Bee, what does all this mean, anyhow? Where will it land us?" + +Bee's eyes gleamed. + +"If you aren't actually blind to opportunity," she said, slowly, "you +certainly are hopelessly near-sighted. Don't you understand how nobody +can do anything or be anybody without royal approval? Haven't you seen +enough here to-day, to say nothing of the attentions we had from women +in Ischl, to know what all this counts for?" + +"Yes, I know," I hastened to say. "But what of these men? You know what +they will think; they are Austrians, Russians, and Hungarians, remember, +not Americans!" + +Bee laughed. + +"A man is a man," she said, sententiously. "Don't worry for fear the +poor dears' hearts will be broken. Now I'll tell you something. Mrs. +Jimmie's sincere indifference and my silent eye-homage have stirred +these blasé officers out of their usual calm. There you have the whole +thing. Von Engel thinks Mrs. Jimmie's indifference is assumed, and both +Von Engel and Von Furzmann are determined that my silence shall voice +itself. I have no doubt that they would like to have me _write_ it, so +that they could boast of it afterward to their fellow officers. Now, as +Jimmie would say in his frightful slang, 'I'm going to give them a run +for their money.' Von Engel will probably beseech you to arrange to keep +Jimmie at your side, so that he can have a few words with Mrs. Jimmie. +Von Furzmann will plead with you to permit him a word with me. I need +hardly tell you that your role to-night is to make yourself as +disagreeable as possible to both of them by keeping the conversation +general, and by cutting in at any attempt at a _tête-à-tête_." + +I felt limp and weak. "And all this display, this dinner, this added +expense?" + +"Part of the game, my dear!" + +"And the end of it all? When they come back from the manoeuvres?" + +"We shall be gone! Without a word!" + +"Then this _isn't_ a flirtation?" + +"Only on their parts. They are after our scalps. But we are actuated by +the true missionary spirit." + +We leaned over and shook hands solemnly. I do _love_ Bee! + +That night--shall I ever forget it? Those stunning men dashed into our +rooms muffled in military cloaks, which they tossed aside with such +grace that they nearly secured _my_ scalp, for all they were after Bee's +and Mrs. Jimmie's. They were in velveteen hunting costumes; we in the +smartest of evening dress. Jimmie had given his fancy free rein in +ordering the dinner, but, to his amazement and indignation, the little +game being played by the rest of us so surprised and baffled our guests +that Jimmie's delicacies were removed with course after course untasted. +The officers searched the brilliant room with their eyes, hoping for a +quiet nook, or balcony. There was none, and their disguise effectually +prevented them from suggesting to go out. I saw that, finally, they +pinned their hopes to me, and the way I clung to Jimmie to prevent their +speaking to me almost roused his suspicions that I was in love with him. +We stuck doggedly to the table, even after dinner was over and the +servants dismissed. Finally, Von Furzmann, who spoke English rather +well, rose in a determined manner, and quite forgetful of our proximity, +said to Bee in a loud, distinct tone: + +"My heart is on fire!" + +It was too much. Jimmie and I led the way in a general shout of +laughter, and then, as a happy family party, we adjourned to the single +salon, where we grouped ourselves together, and, strive as they might, +the officers could not outwit my sister nor upset her plan. + +Toward midnight, when the hour of parting drew near, they grew so +desperate I almost feared that they would say something rash. But they +were diplomats and game. Occasionally a gleam of suspicion would appear +on their countenances--it was so very unusual, I imagined, for their +plans so persistently to miscarry--but both Bee and I have an extremely +guiltless and innocent eye, and we used an unwinking gaze of genial +friendliness which disarmed them. + +At last they flung their cloaks around them, as their servants announced +their carriage for the third time. + +"_Such_ an evening!" moaned Von Engel. + +It might mean anything! + +Bee bit her lip. + +"I was never more loath to leave. Promise that you will be here when we +return. It will only be ten days! Promise us!" + +"I hardly think--" began Jimmie, but Bee trod on his foot. + +"Ouch!" said Jimmie, fiercely. + +"I beg your pardon, Jimmie, dear!" murmured Bee. "It is possible," said +Bee to Von Engel. "We never make plans, you know. We go whenever we are +bored, or when we have nothing pleasant to look forward to." + +"Oh, then, pray remain! We shall _fly_ to see you the moment we are +free!" + +"That surely is an inducement," said Bee, with a little laugh, which +caused Von Engel to colour. + +Von Engel's servant, under pretext of arranging the collar of his +master's cloak, here whispered peremptorily to him, and the officer +started with a hurried "Yes, yes!" to his servant. + +They bent and kissed our hands, and Von Furzmann, in the violence of his +emotion, flung his arms around Jimmie and kissed him on the cheek. Then +they dashed away down the long corridor, looking back and waving their +hands to us. + +Jimmie came into the room with his hand on the spot where Von Furzmann +had kissed him. + +"Well, I'll be damned!" he said. "That was all _your_ fault," he added, +looking at Bee. + +"I've always said somebody would steal you, Jimmie!" I said. + +"Did you enjoy yourself, dear?" asked Mrs. Jimmie kindly of Bee. + +Bee stood up yawning. + +"Oh, I don't know," she said. "These officers try to be so impressive. +They urge you to take a little more pepper in the same tone that they +would ask you to elope." + +Jimmie beamed on her. + +When Bee and I were alone, I dropped limply on the bed. Bee turned to +the light and read a crumpled note which Von Furzmann had thrust into +her hand at parting. She handed it to me: + +"I shall write every day, and shall count the hours until I see you +again!" it read. I could just hear him shouting, "My heart is on fire!" + +"Well, did you enjoy it?" I asked her. + +"Enjoy it? Certainly not!" + +"Why, I thought you were having the time of your life!" I cried. + +She laughed. + +"Oh, yes, in a way it was amusing. But did it ever occur to you that it +wasn't very flattering for those two unmarried officers to select the +two married women in our party for their attentions when you, being +unmarried, were the only legitimate object of their interest?" + +I said nothing. To tell the truth I had _not_ thought of it. + +"No, these officers need just a few kinks taken out of their brains +concerning women, and I propose to do it. I told Jimmie to-day that if +he would be handsome about to-night, I would start to-morrow for Moscow. +Mrs. Jimmie is perfectly willing, and I know you are dying to get on to +Tolstoy. I've only stayed over for to-night. I knew this was coming when +we were in Ischl, and I wanted them to see how lightly we viewed their +risking dismissal from his Majesty's service for us. We have paid up all +our indebtedness to everybody else, so nothing but farewell calls need +detain us." + +"And the officers?" I stammered. "How will they know?" + +"I'll get Jimmie to send them a wire saying we have gone. They won't +know where. Hurry up and turn out the lights. They hurt my eyes." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +MY FIRST INTERVIEW WITH TOLSTOY + +At the critical point of relating the difficulty attending my first +audience with Tolstoy, I am constrained to mention a few of the +obstacles encountered by a person bearing indifferent letters of +introduction, and if by so doing I persuade any man or woman to write +one worthy letter introducing one strange man or woman in a foreign +country to a foreign host, I shall feel that I have not lived in vain. + +No one, who has not travelled abroad unknown and depending for all +society upon written introductions, can form any idea of the utter +inadequacy of the ordinary letter of introduction. When I first +announced my intention of several years' travel in Europe, I accepted +the generously offered letters of friends and acquaintances, and, in +some instances, of kind persons who were almost total strangers to me, +careless of the wording of these letters and only grateful for the +goodness of heart they evinced. + +In one instance, a man who had lived in Berlin sent me a dozen of his +visiting-cards, on the reverse side of which were written the names of +his German friends and under them the scanty words, "Introducing Miss +So-and-So." He took pains also to call upon me several times, and to ask +as a special favour that I would present these letters. Forgetful of the +fact that his German acquaintances would have no idea who I was, that +there was no explanation upon the card, and without thinking that he +would not take the trouble to write letters of explanation beforehand, I +presented these twelve cards without the least reluctance, simply +because I had given my word. Out of the twelve, ten returned my calls +and we discussed nothing more important than the weather. We knew +nothing of each other except our names, and all of these I dare say were +mispronounced. Two out of the twelve entertained me at dinner, and three +years afterward, when I returned to America, I received a letter of the +sincerest apology from one, saying that she had learned more of me +through the ambassador, and reproaching me for not having volunteered +information about myself, which might have led at least to conversation +of a more intimate nature. + +I was armed at that time with many of these visiting-cards of +introduction, and after this instance I filed them with great care in +the waste-basket. I then examined my other letters. It is idle to +describe to those who have never depended upon such documents in foreign +countries the inadequacy of half of them. In spite of the kindest +intentions, they were really worthless. + +It was only after I got to Poland and Russia, where the hospitality +springs from the heart, that my introductions began to bear fruit +satisfactory to a sensitive mind. It is, therefore, with feelings of the +liveliest appreciation that I look back on the letter given me by +Ambassador White in Berlin to Count Leo Tolstoy. A lifetime of +diplomacy, added to the sincerest and most generous appreciation of what +an ideal hospitality should be, have served to make this representative +of the American people perfect in details of kindness, which can only +be fully appreciated when one is far from home. Nothing short of the +completeness and yet brevity of this letter would have served to obtain +an audience with that great author, who must needs protect himself from +the idle and curious, and the only drawback to my first interview with +Tolstoy was the fact that I had to part company with this precious +letter. It was so kind, so generous, so appreciative, that up to the +time I relinquished it, I cured the worst attacks of homesickness simply +by reading it over, and from the lowest depths of despair it not only +brought me back my self-respect, but so exquisitely tickled my vanity +that I was proud of my own acquaintance with myself. + +My introduction to Princess Sophy Golitzin, in Moscow, was of such a +sort that we at once received an invitation from her to meet her +choicest friends, at her house the next day. When we arrived, we found +some thirty or forty charming Russians in a long, handsomely furnished +salon, all speaking their own language. But upon our approach, every one +began speaking English, and so continued during our stay. Twice, +however, little groups fell into French and German at the advent of one +or two persons who spoke no English. + +Russians do not show off at their best in foreign environments. I have +met them in Germany, France, England, Italy, and America, and while +their culture is always complete, their distinguishing trait is their +hospitality, generous and free beyond any I have ever known, which, of +course, is best exploited in their own country and among their own +people. + +At the Princess Golitzin's, I was told that the Countess Tolstoy and her +daughter had been there earlier in the afternoon, but, owing to the +distance at which they lived, they had been obliged to leave early. +They, however, left their compliments for all of us, and asked the +princess to say that they had remained as long as they had dared, hoping +for the pleasure of meeting us. + +Being only a modest American, I confess that I opened my eyes with +wonder that a personage of such renown as the Countess Tolstoy, the wife +of the greatest living man of letters, should take the trouble to leave +so kind a message for me. + +When Bee and Mrs. Jimmie heard it, they treated me with almost the same +respect as when they discovered that I knew the head waiter at +Baden-Baden. But not quite. + +As, however, our one ambition in coming to Russia had been to see +Tolstoy himself, we at once began to ask questions of the princess as to +how we might best accomplish our object, but to our disappointment her +answers were far from encouraging. He was, I was told by everybody, ill, +cross as a bear, and in the throes of composition. Could there be a +worse possible combination for my purpose? + +So much was said discouraging our project that Jimmie was for giving it +up, but I think one man never received three such simultaneously +contemptuous glances as we three levelled at Jimmie for his craven +suggestion. So it happened that one Sunday morning we took a carriage, +and, having invited the consul, who spoke Russian, we drove to Tolstoy's +town house, some little distance out of Moscow. + +We gave the letter and our visiting-cards to the consul, and he +explained our wish to see Tolstoy to the footman who answered our ring. +Having evidently received instructions to admit no one, he not only +refused us admittance, but declined to take our cards. The consul +translated his refusal, and seemed vanquished, but I urged him to make +another attempt, and he did so, which was followed by the announcement +that the countess was asleep, and the count was out. This being +translated to me, I announced, in cheerful English which the footman +could not understand, that both of these statements were lies, and for +my part I had no doubt that the footman was a direct descendant of +Beelzebub. + +"Tell him that you know better," I said. "Tell him that we know the +count is too ill to leave the house, and that the countess could not +possibly be asleep at this time of day. Tell him if he expects us to +believe him, to make up a better one than that." + +"Say something," urged Bee. "Get us inside the house, if no more." + +"Tell him how far we have come, and how anxious we are to see the +count," said Mrs. Jimmie. + +"Oh, better give it up," said Jimmie, "and come on home." + +The consul obligingly made the desired effort, evidently combining all +of our instructions, politely softened by his own judgment. The +footman's face betrayed no yielding, and in order the better to refuse +to take our cards he put his hands behind him. + +"You see, it's no use," said the consul. "Hadn't we better give it up?" + +"He won't let you in," said Jimmie, "so don't make a fuss." + +"I shall make no fuss," I said, quietly. "But I'll get in, and I'll see +Tolstoy, and I'll get all the rest of you in. Give me those cards." + +I took two rubles from my purse, and, taking the cards and letter, I +handed them all to the footman, saying in lucid English: + +"We are coming in, and you are to take these cards to Count Tolstoy." + +At the same time, I pointed a decisive forefinger in the direction in +which I thought the count was concealed. The obsequious menial took our +cards, bowed low, and invited us to enter with true servant's +hospitality. + +In all Russian houses, as, doubtless, everybody knows, the first floor +is given up to an _antechambre_, where guests remove their wraps and +goloshes, and behind this room are the kitchen and servants' quarters. +All the living-rooms of the family are generally on the floor above. +Having once entered this _antechambre_, my Bob Acres courage began to +ooze. + +"Now, I am not going to be rude," I said. "We'll just pretend to be +taking off our wraps until we find whether we can be received. I don't +mind forcing myself on a servant, but I do object to inconveniencing the +master of the house. + +"You're weakening," said Jimmie, derisively. "You're scared!" + +"I am not," I declared, indignantly. "I am only trying to be polite, and +it's a hard pull, I can tell you, when I want anything as much as I want +to see Tolstoy. If he won't see us after he reads that letter, I can at +least go away knowing that I put forth my best efforts to see him, but +if I had taken a servant's refusal, I should feel myself a coward." + +I looked anxiously at my friends for approval. Jimmie and the consul +looked dubious, but Bee and Mrs. Jimmie patted me on the back and said I +had done just right. + +While we were engaged in this conversation, and while the man was still +up-stairs, the door from the kitchen burst open, and in came a handsome +young fellow of about eighteen, whistling. Now my brother whistles and +slams doors just like this young Russian. So my understanding of boys +made me feel friendly with this one at once. Seeing us, he stopped and +bowed politely. + +"Good morning," I said, cheerfully. "We are Americans, and we have +travelled five thousand miles for the purpose of seeing Count Tolstoy, +and when we got here this morning the servant wouldn't even let us in +until I made him, and we are waiting to see if the count will receive +us." + +"Why, I am just sure papa will see you," said the boy in perfect +English. "How disgusting of Dmitri. He is a blockhead, that Dmitri. I +shall tell mamma how he treated you. The idea of leaving you standing +down here while he took your cards up." + +"It is partly our fault," I said, defending Dmitri. "We sent him up to +ask." + +"Nevertheless, he should have had you wait in the salon. Dmitri is a +fool." + +"His manner wasn't very cordial," I admitted, as we followed him +up-stairs and into a large well-furnished, but rather plain, room +containing no ornaments. + +"But as I had a letter from the ambassador," I went on, "I felt that I +must at least present it." + +The boy turned back, as he started to leave the room, and said: + +"Oh! From Mr. White? Your ambassador wrote about you, and also some +friends of ours from Petersburg. Papa has been expecting you this long +time. He would have been so annoyed if he had failed to see you. I'll +tell him how badly Dmitri treated you. What must you think of the +Russians?" + +He said all this hurrying to the door to find his father. We sat down +and regarded each other in silence. Jimmie and the consul looked into +their hats with a somewhat sheepish countenance. Bee cleared her throat +with pleasure, and Mrs. Jimmie carefully assumed an attitude of +unstudied grace, smoothing her silk dress over her knee with her gloved +hand, and involuntarily looking at her glove the way we do in America. +Then the door opened and Count Tolstoy came in. + +To begin with, he speaks perfect English, and his cordial welcome, +beginning as he entered the door, continued while he traversed the +length of the long room, holding out both hands to me, in one of which +was my letter from the ambassador. He examined our party with as much +curiosity and interest as we studied him. He wore the ordinary peasant's +costume. His blue blouse and white under-garment, which showed around +the neck, had brown stains on it which might be from either coffee or +tobacco. His eyes were set widely apart and were benignant and kind in +expression. His brow was benevolent, and counteracted the lower part of +his face, which in itself would be pugnacious. His nose was short, +broad, and thick. His jaw betrayed the determination of the bulldog. The +combination made an exceedingly interesting study. His coarse clothes +formed a curious contrast to the elegance of his speech and the grace of +his manner. He was simple, unaffected, gentle, and possessed, in common +with all his race, the trait upon which I have remarked before, a keen, +intelligent interest in America and Americans. + +While he was still welcoming us and apologising for the behaviour of his +servant, the countess came in, followed by the young countess, their +daughter. The Countess Tolstoy has one of the sweetest faces I ever saw, +and, although she has had thirteen children, she looks as if she were +not over forty-three years old. Her smooth brown hair had not one silver +thread, and its gloss might be envied by many a girl of eighteen. Her +eyes were brown, alert, and fun-loving, her manner quick, and her speech +enthusiastic. Her plain silk gown was well made, and its richness was in +strange contrast to the peasant's costume of her illustrious husband. + +The little countess had short red brown hair parted on the side like a +boy's and softly waving about her face, red brown eyes, and a skin so +delicate that little freckles showed against its clearness. Her modest, +quiet manner gave her at once an air of breeding. Her manner was older +and more subdued than that of her mother, from whom the cares and +anxieties of her large family and varied interests had evidently rolled +softly and easily, leaving no trace behind. + +All three of them began questioning us about our plans, our homes, our +families, wondering at the ease with which we took long journeys, +envying our leisure to enjoy ourselves, and constantly interrupting +themselves with true expressions of welcome. + +It is, perhaps, only a fair example of the bountiful hospitality we +received all through Poland and Russia to chronicle here that Count +Tolstoy invited us to his house in the country, whither they expected to +go shortly, to remain several months, and, as he afterward explained it, +"for as long as you can be happy with us." + +His book on "What is Art?" was then attracting a great deal of +attention, but he was deeply engaged in the one which has since +appeared, first under the title of "The Awakening," and afterward +called "Resurrection." It is said that he wrote this book twelve years +ago, and only rewrote it at the instance of the publishers, but no one +who has met Tolstoy and become acquainted with him can doubt that he has +been collecting material, thinking, planning, and writing on that book +for a lifetime. + +Many consider Tolstoy a _poseur_, but he sincerely believes in himself. +He had only the day before worked all day in the shop of a peasant, +making shoes for which he had been paid fifty copecks, and we were told +that not infrequently he might be seen working in the forest or field, +bending his back to the same burdens as his peasants, sharing their +hardships, and receiving no more pay than they. + +It was a wonderful experience to sit opposite him, to look into his +eyes, and to hear him talk. + +"It is a great country, yours," he said. "To me the most interesting in +the world just at present. What are you going to do with your problems? +How are you going to deal with anarchy and the Indian and negro +questions? You have a blessed liberty in your country." + +"If you will excuse me for saying so, I think we have a very _un_blessed +liberty in our country! Too much liberty is what has brought about the +very conditions of anarchy and the race problem which now threaten us." + +"Do you think the negroes ought not to have been given the franchise?" + +"That is a difficult question," I said. "Let me answer it by giving you +another. Is it a good thing to turn loose on a young republic a mass of +consolidated ignorance, such as the average negro represented at the +close of the war, and put votes into their hands with not one +restraining influence to counteract it? You continentals can form no +idea of the Southern negro. The case of your serfs is by no means a +parallel. But it is too late now. You cannot take the franchise away +from them. They must work out their own salvation." + +"Would you take it away from them, if you could?" asked Tolstoy. + +"Most certainly I would," I answered, "although my opinion is of no +value, and I am only wasting your time by expressing it. I would take +away the franchise from the negroes and from all foreigners until they +had lived in our country twenty-one years, as our American men must do, +and I would establish a property and educational qualification for every +voter. I would not permit a man to vote upon property issues unless he +were a property owner." + +"Would you enfranchise the women?" asked the countess. + +"I would, but under the same conditions." + +"But would your best element of women exercise the privilege?" asked the +little countess. + +"Not all of them at first, and some of them never, I suppose; but when +once our country awakens to the meaning of patriotism, and our women +understand that they are citizens exactly as the men are citizens, they +will do their duty, and do it more conscientiously than the men." + +"It is a very interesting subject," said the count; "and your +suggestions open up many possibilities. Women do vote in several of your +States, I am told." + +"How I would love to see a woman who had voted," cried the countess, +clasping her hands with all the vivacity of a French woman. + +"Why, I have voted," said Bee, laughing. "I voted for President McKinley +in the State of Colorado, and my sister and Mrs. Jimmie voted for school +trustee in Illinois." All three of the Tolstoys turned eagerly toward +Bee. + +"Do tell me about it," said the count. + +"There is very little to tell. I simply went and stood in line and cast +my ballot." + +"But was there no shooting, no bribery, no excitement?" cried the +countess. "Do they go dressed as you are now?" + +"No, I dressed much better. I wore my best Paris gown, and drove down in +my victoria. While I was in the line half a dozen gentlemen, who +attended my receptions, came up and chatted with me, showed me how to +fold my ballot, and attended me as if we were at a concert. When I came +away, I took a street-car home, and sent my carriage for several ladies +who otherwise would not have come." + +"And you," said the countess, turning to Mrs. Jimmie. + +"It was in a barber shop," she said, laughing. "When I went in, the men +had their feet on the table, their hats on their heads, and they were +all smoking, but at my entrance all these things changed. Hats came off, +cigars were laid down, and feet disappeared. I was politely treated, and +enjoyed it immensely." + +"How very interesting," said Tolstoy. "But are there not societies for +and against suffrage? Why do your women combine against it?" + +"Because American women have not awakened to the meaning of good +citizenship, and they prefer chivalry to justice, regardless of the love +of country. I never belonged to any suffrage society, never wrote or +spoke or talked about it. I think the responsibility of voting would be +heavy and often disagreeable, but, if the women were enfranchised, I +would vote from a sense of duty, just as I think many others would; and, +as to the good which might accrue, I think you will agree with me that +women's standards are higher than men's. There would be far less +bribery in politics than there is now." + +"Is there much bribery?" asked Tolstoy. + +"Unfortunately, I suppose there is. Have you heard how the ex-Speaker of +the House of Representatives, Tom Reed, defines an honest man in +politics? 'An honest man is a man that will stay bought!'" + +There is no use in denying the truth. Tolstoy is always the teacher and +the author. I could not imagine him the husband and the father. He +seemed in the act of getting copy, and had a way of asking a question, +and then scrutinising both the question and the answer as one who had +set a mechanical toy in motion by winding it up. Tolstoy would make an +excellent reporter for an American newspaper. He could obtain an +interview with the most reticent politician. But I had a feeling that +his methods were as the methods of Goethe. + +His wife evidently does not share his own opinion of himself. She +listened with obvious impatience to the conversation, then she drew Bee +and Mrs. Jimmie aside, and they were soon in the midst of an animated +discussion of the Rue de la Paix. + +Tolstoy overheard snatches of their talk without a sign of disapproval. +I have seen a big Newfoundland watch the graceful antics of a kitten +with the same air of indifference with which Tolstoy regarded his wife's +humanity and naturalness. Tolstoy takes himself with profound +seriousness, but, in spite of his influence on Russia and the outside +world, the great teacher has been unable to cure his wife's interest in +millinery. + +Nordau told me in Paris that Tolstoy was a combination of genius and +insanity. Undoubtedly Tolstoy is actuated by a genuine desire to free +Russia, but the idea was unmistakably imbedded in my mind that his +Christianity was like Napoleon's description of a Russian. Scratch it +and you would find Tartar fanaticism under it,--the fanaticism of the +ascetic who would drive his own flesh and blood into the flames to save +the soul of his domestics. This impression grew as I watched the +attitude of the countess toward her husband. What must a wife think of +such a husband's views of marriage when she is the mother of thirteen of +his children? What must she think of insincerity when he refuses to +copyright his books because he thinks it wrong to take money for +teaching, yet permits _her_ to copyright them and draw the royalties for +the support of the family? + +Her opinion of her famous husband lies beneath her manner, covered +lightly by a charming and graceful impatience,--the impatience of a +spoiled child. + +When we got into the carriage I said: + +"Well?" + +"Well," said our friend the consul, who had not spoken during the +interview, "he is the queerest man I ever met. But how he pumped you!" + +"We are all 'copy' to him," said Jimmie. "He wanted information at first +hand." + +"Sometime he may succeed in convincing his daughter," said Mrs. Jimmie, +"but never his wife. She knows him too well." + +"Yet he seemed interested in you and Jimmie," said Bee, ruefully. Then +more cheerfully, "but we're asked to come again!" + +"We are living documents; that's why." + +"What do you think of him?" said Jimmie to me with a grin of +comradeship. + +"I don't know. My impressions have got to settle and be skimmed and +drained off before I know." + +"Well, we'll go to their reception anyway," said Bee, comfortably, with +the air of one who had no problems to wrestle with. + +"What are you going to wear?" + +To be sure! That was the main question after all. What were we going to +wear? + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +AT ONE OF THE TOLSTOY RECEPTIONS + +When we arrived the next evening, it was to find a curious situation. +The Countess Tolstoy and her daughter and young son, in European +costume,--the countess in velvet and lace, and the little countess in a +pretty taffeta silk,--were receiving their guests in the main salon, and +later served them to a magnificent supper with champagne. The count, we +were told, was elsewhere receiving his guests, who would not join us. +Later he came in, still in his peasant's costume, and refused all +refreshment. He was exceedingly civil to all his guests, but signalled +out the Americans in a manner truly flattering. + +It was a charming evening, and we met agreeable people, but, although +they stayed late, we remained, at Tolstoy's request, still later, and +when the last guest had departed, we sat down, drawing our chairs quite +close together after the manner of a cheerful family party. + +After inquiring how we had spent our day, and giving us some valuable +hints about different points of interest for the morrow, Tolstoy plunged +at once into the conversation which had been broken off the day before. +It was evident that he had been thinking about our country, and was +eager for more information. + +"I became very well acquainted with your ambassador, Mr. White, while he +was in this country," he began. "I found him a man of wide experience, +of great culture, and of much originality in thought. I learned a great +deal about America from him. It must be wonderful to live in a country +where there is no Orthodox Church, where one can worship as one pleases, +and where every one's vote is counted." + +Jimmie coughed politely, and looked at me. + +"It encourages individuality," he added. "Do you not find your own +countrymen more individual than those of any other nation?" he added, +addressing Jimmie directly for the first time. + +"I think I do," said Jimmie, carefully weighing out his words as if on +invisible scales. Jimmie is largely imbued with that absurd fear of a +man who has written books, which is to me so inexplicable. + +"Your country appeals to Russians, strongly," pursued the count, +evidently bent upon drawing Jimmie out. + +"I have often wondered why," said Jimmie. "It couldn't have been the +wheat?" + +"No, not entirely the wheat, although the news of your generosity spread +like wildfire through all classes of society, and served to open the +hearts of the peasants toward America as they are opened toward no other +country in the world. The word 'Amerikanski' is an _open sesame_ all +through Russia. Have you noticed it?" + +"Often," said Jimmie. "And often wondered at it. But that wheat was a +small enterprise to gain a nation's gratitude. It is the more surprising +to us because it was not a national gift, but the result of the +generosity and large-mindedness of a handful of men, who pushed it +through so quietly and unostentatiously that millions of people in +America to this day do not know that it was ever done, but over here we +have not met a single Russian who has not spoken of it immediately." + +"The Russians are a grateful people," observed Mrs. Jimmie, "but it +seems a little strange to me to discover such ardent gratitude among the +nobility for assistance which reached people hundreds of miles away from +them, and in whose welfare they could have only a general interest, +prompted by humanity." + +"Ah! but madame, Russians are more keenly alive to the problem of our +serfs than any other. Many of our wealthy people are doing all that they +can to assist them, and, when a crisis like the famine comes, it is +heart-breaking not to be able to relieve their suffering. Consequently, +the sending of that wheat touched every heart." + +"Then, too, we are not divided,--the North against the South, as you +were on your negro question," said the little countess. "The peasant +problem stretches from one end of Russia to the other." + +"We are a diffuse people," I said. "Perhaps that is the result of our +mixed blood and the individuality that you spoke of, but your books are +so widely read in America that I believe people in the North are quite +as well informed and quite as much interested in the problem of the +Russian serf as in our own negro problem." + +Bee gave me a look which in sign language meant, "And that isn't saying +half as much as it sounds." + +"Undoubtedly there is a strong point of sympathy between our two +countries. Like you, we have many mixed strains of blood, and, though we +are so much older, we have civilised more slowly, so that we are both in +youthful stages of progress. Your great prairies correspond in a large +measure to our steppes. America and Russia are the greatest +wheat-growing countries in the world. Our internal resources are the +only ones vast enough to support us without assistance from other +countries." + +"Is that true of Russia?" Jimmie cut in, his commercial instinct getting +the better of his awe of Tolstoy. "Where would you get your coal?" + +"True," said Tolstoy, "we could not do it as completely as you, and +your very resources are one reason for our admiration of America." + +"In case of war, now,--" went on Jimmie. He stopped speaking, and looked +down in deep embarrassment, remembering Tolstoy's hatred of war. + +"Yes," said Tolstoy, kindly. "In case the whole civilised world waged +war on the United States, I dare say you could still remain a tolerably +prosperous people." + +"At any rate," said Jimmie, recovering himself, "it would be a good many +years before we would be a hungry nation, and, in the meantime, we could +practically starve out the enemy by cutting off their food supply, and +disable their fleets and commerce for want of coal, so there is hardly +any danger, from the prudent point of view, of the world combining +against us." + +"If the diplomacy at Washington continues in its present trend, under +your great President McKinley, your country will not allow herself to be +dragged into the quarrels of Europe. We older nations might well learn +a lesson from your present government." + +"Oh!" I cried, "how good of you to say that. It is the first time in all +Europe that I have heard our government praised for its diplomacy, and +coming from you, I am so grateful." + +Jimmie and the consul also beamed at Tolstoy's complimentary comment. + +"Now, about your men of letters?" said Tolstoy. "It is some time since I +have had such direct news from America. What are the great names among +you now?" + +At this juncture Countess Tolstoy drew nearer to Bee and Mrs. Jimmie, +and our groups somewhat separated. + +"Our great names?" I repeated. "Either we have no great names now, or we +are too close to them to realise how great they are. We seem to be +between generations. We have lost our Lowell, and Longfellow, and Poe, +and Hawthorne, and Emerson, and we have no others to take their places." + +"But a young school will spring up, some of whom may take their places," +said Tolstoy. + +"It has already sprung up," I said, "and is well on the way to manhood. +One great drawback, however, I find in mentioning the names of all of +them to a European, or even to an Englishman, is the fact that so many +of our characteristic American authors write in a dialect which is all +that we Americans can do to understand. For instance, take the negro +stories, which to me are like my mother tongue, brought up as I was in +the South. Thousands of Northern people who have never been South are +unable to read it, and to them it holds no humour and no pathos. To the +ordinary Englishman, it is like so much Greek, and to the continental +English-speaking person it is like Sanskrit. In the same way the New +England stories, which are written in Yankee dialect, cannot be +understood by people in the South who have never been North. How then +can we expect Europeans to manage them?" + +"How extraordinary," said Tolstoy. "And both are equally typical, I +suppose?" + +"Equally so," I replied. + +"The reason she understands them both," broke in Jimmie, "is because her +mother comes from the northernmost part of the northernmost State in +the Union, and her father from a point almost equally in the South. +There is but one State between his birthplace and the Gulf of Mexico." + +"About the same distance," said Tolstoy, "as if your mother came from +Petersburg and your father from Odessa." + +"But there are others who write English which is not distorted in its +spelling. James Lane Alien and Henry B. Fuller are particularly noted +for their lucid English and literary style; Cable writes Creole stories +of Louisiana; Mary Hartwell Catherwood, stories of French Canadians and +the early French settlers in America; Bret Harte, stories of California +mining camps; Mary Hallock Foote, civil engineering stories around the +Rocky Mountains; Weir Mitchell, Quaker stories of Pennsylvania; and +Charles Egbert Craddock lays her plots in the Tennessee mountains. Of +all these authors, each has written at least two books along the lines I +have indicated, and I mention them, thinking they would be particularly +interesting to you as descriptive of portions of the United States." + +"All these," said Tolstoy, meditatively, "in one country." + +"Not only that," I said, "but no two alike, and most of them as widely +different as if one wrote in French and the other in German." + +"A wonderful country," murmured Tolstoy again. "I have often thought of +going there, but now I am too old." + +"There is no one in the world," I answered him, "in the realm of letters +or social economics, whom the people of America would rather see than +you." + +He bowed gracefully, and only answered again: + +"No, I am too old now. I wish I had gone there when I could. But tell +me," he added, "have you no authors who write universally?" + +"Universally," I repeated. "That is a large word. Yes, we have Mark +Twain. He is our most eminent literary figure at present." + +"Ah! Mark Twain," repeated Tolstoy. "I have heard of him." + +"Have you indeed? I thought no one was known in Europe, except Fenimore +Cooper. He is supposed to have written universally of America, because +he never wrote anything but Indian stories! In France, they know of Poe, +and like him because they tell me that he was like themselves." + +"He was insane, was he not?" said Tolstoy, innocently. + +I bit my lip to keep from laughing, for Tolstoy had not perpetrated that +as a jest. + +"But many of our most whimsical and most delicious authors could not be +appreciated by Europe in general, because Europeans are all so ignorant +of us. There is Frank Stockton, whose humour continentals would be sure +to take seriously, and then Thomas Nelson Page writes most effectively +when he uses negro dialect. His story 'Marse Chan,' which made him +famous, I consider the best short story ever written in America. +Hopkinson Smith, too, has written a book which deserves to live for +ever, depicting as it does a phase of the reconstruction period, when +Southern gentlemen of the old school came into contact with the Northern +business methods. Books like these would seem trivial to a European, +because they represent but a single step in our curious history." + +"I understand," said Tolstoy, sympathetically. "Of course it is +difficult for us to realise that America is not one nation, but an +amalgamation of all nations. To the casual thinker, America is an +off-shoot of England." + +"Perfectly true," said Jimmie, "and that barring the fact that we speak +a language which is, in some respects, similar to the English, no +nations are more foreign to each other than the United States and +England. It would be better for the English if they had a few more +Bryces among them." + +"If it weren't for the dialects," said Tolstoy, "I think more Europeans +would be interested in American literature." + +"That is true," I said, "and yet, without dialects, you wouldn't get the +United States as it really is. There are heaps and heaps of Americans +who won't read dialect themselves, but they miss a great deal. Take, for +instance, James Whitcomb Riley, a poet who, to my mind, possesses +absolute genius,--the genius of the commonplace. His best things are +all in dialect, which a great many find difficult, and yet, when he +gives public readings from his own poems, he draws audiences which test +the capacity of the largest halls. I myself have seen him recalled +nineteen times." + +"America and Russia are growing closer together every day," said +Tolstoy. "Every year we use more of your American machinery; your plows, +and threshers, and mowing-machines, and all agricultural implements are +coming into use here. Every year some Americans settle in Russia from +business interests, and we are rapidly becoming dependent on you for our +coal. If you had a larger merchant marine, it would benefit our mutual +interests wonderfully. Is your country as much interested in Russia as +we are in you?" + +"Equally so," I said. "Russian literature is very well understood in +America. We read all your books. We know Pushkin and Tourguenieff. Your +Russian music is played by our orchestras, and your Russian painter, +Verestchagin, exhibited his paintings in all the large cities, and made +us familiar with his genius." + +"All art, all music has a moral effect upon the soul. Verestchagin +paints war--hideous war! Moral questions should be talked about and +discussed, and a remedy found for them. In America you will not discuss +many questions. Even in the translations of my books, parts which seem +important to me are left out. Why is that? It limits you, does it not?" + +"I suppose the demand creates the supply," I ventured. "We may be +prudish, but as yet the moral questions you speak of have not such a +hold on our young republic that they need drastic measures. When we +become more civilised, and society more cancerous, doubtless the public +mind will permit these questions to be discussed." + +"The time for repentance is in advance of the crime," said Tolstoy. + +"American prudery is narrowing in its effect on our art," I ventured, +timidly. + +"Is that the reason for many of your artists and authors living abroad?" + +"It may be. We certainly are not encouraged in America to depict life as +it is. That is one reason I think why foreign authors sell their books +by the thousands in America, and by the hundreds in their own country." + +"Then the taste is there, is it?" asked Tolstoy. + +"The common sense is there," I said, bluntly,--"the common sense to know +that our authors are limited to depicting a phase instead of the whole +life, and then, if you are going to get the whole life, you must read +foreign authors. It's just as if a sculptor should confine himself to +shaping fingers, and toes, and noses, and ears because the public +refuses to take a finished study." + +"But why, why is it?" said Tolstoy, with a touch of impatience. "If you +will read the whole thing when written by foreign authors, why do you +not encourage your own?" + +"I am sure I don't know," I said, "unless it is on the simple principle +that many men enjoy the ballet scene in opera, while they would not +permit their wives and daughters to take part in it." + +"America is the protector of the family," said Jimmie, regarding me +with a hostile eye. + +Tolstoy tactfully changed the subject out of deference to Jimmie's +displeasure. + +"Do many Russians visit America?" asked Tolstoy. + +"Oh, yes, quite a number, and they are among our most agreeable +visitors. Prince Serge Wolkonsky travelled so much and made so many +addresses that he made Russia more popular than ever." + +"Do you know how popular you are in America?" said Jimmie, blushing at +his own temerity. + +"I know how many of my books are sold there, and I get many kind letters +from Americans." + +"Isn't he considered the greatest living man of letters in America?" +said Jimmie, appealingly to me boyishly. + +"Undoubtedly," I replied, smiling, because Tolstoy smiled. + +"Whom do you consider the greatest living author?" asked Jimmie. + +"Mrs. Humphrey Ward," said Tolstoy, decisively. + +This was a thunderbolt which stopped the conversation of the other +members of the party. + +"And one of your greatest Americans," went on Tolstoy, "was Henry +George." + +"From a literary point of view, or--" + +"From the point of view of humanity and of the Christian." + +Jimmie and I leaned back involuntarily. Judged by these standards, we +were none of us either Christians or human, in our party at least. + +The Countess Tolstoy, who seemed to be in not the slightest awe of her +illustrious husband, having become somewhat impatient during this +conversation, now turned to me and said: + +"It has been so interesting to talk with your sister and Mrs. Jimmie +about Paris fashions. We see so little here that is not second hand, and +your journey is so fascinating. It seems incredible that you can be +travelling simply for pleasure and over such a number of countries! +Where do you go next?" + +"We have come from everywhere," I said, laughing, "and we are going +anywhere." + +The countess clasped her hands and said: + +"How I envy you, but doesn't it cost you a great deal of money?" + +"I suppose it does," I said, regretfully. "I am going to travel as long +as my money holds out, but the rest are not so hampered." + +"Alas, if I could only go with you," said the countess, "but we are +under such heavy expense now. It used to be easier when we had three or +four children nearer of an age who could be educated together. Then it +cost less. But now this boy, my youngest, necessitates different tutors +for everything, and it costs as much to educate this last one of +thirteen as it did any four of the others." + +"But then you educate so thoroughly," I said. "Russians always speak +five or six, sometimes ten languages, including dialects. With us our +wealthy people generally send their children to a good private school +and afterward prepare them by tutor for college. Then the richest send +them for a trip around the world, or perhaps a year abroad, and that +ends it. But the ordinary American has only a public school education. +Americans are not linguists naturally." + +"Ah! but here we are obliged to be linguists, because, if we travel at +all, we must speak other languages, and, if we entertain at all, we meet +people who cannot speak ours, which is very difficult to learn. But +languages are easy." + +"Oh! _are_ they?" said Jimmie, involuntarily, and everybody laughed. + +"Jimmie's languages are unique," said Bee. + +"Are you going to Italy?" said the countess. + +"Yes, we hope to spend next spring in Italy, beginning with Sicily and +working slowly northward." + +"How delightful! How charming!" cried the countess. "How I wish, how I +_wish_ I could go with you." + +"Go with us?" I cried in delight. "Could you manage it? We should be so +flattered to have your company." + +"Oh, if I could! I shall ask. It will do no harm to ask." + +We had all stood up to go and had begun to shake hands when she cried +across to her husband: + +"Leo, Leo, may I go--" + +Then seeing she had not engaged her husband's attention, who was +talking to Jimmie about single tax, she went over and pulled his sleeve. + +"Leo, may I go with them to Italy in the spring? Please, dear Leo, say +yes." + +He shook his head gravely, and the little countess smiled at her +mother's enthusiasm. + +"It would cost too much," said Tolstoy, "besides, I cannot spare you. I +need you." + +"You need me!" cried the countess in gay derision. Then pleadingly, "Do +let me go." + +"I cannot," said Tolstoy, turning to Jimmie again. + +The countess came back to us with a face full of disappointment. + +"He doesn't need me at all," she whispered. "I'd go anyway if I had the +money." + +As I said before, Russia and America are very much alike. + +As we left the house my mind recurred to Max Nordau, whose personality +and methods I have so imperfectly presented. The contrast to Tolstoy +would intrude itself. In all the conversations I ever had with Max +Nordau, he spent most of the time in trying to be a help and a benefit +to me. The physician in him was always at the front. His aim was +healing, and I only regret that their intimate personality prevents me +from relating them word for word, as they would interest and benefit +others quite as much as they did me. + +The difference between these two great leaders of thought--these two +great reformers, Nordau and Tolstoy--is the theme of many learned +discussions, and admits many different points of view. + +To me they present this aspect: Tolstoy, like Goethe, is an interesting +combination of genius and hypocrisy. He preaches unselfishness, while +himself the embodiment of self. Max Nordau is his antithesis. Nordau +gives with generous enthusiasm--of his time, his learning, his genius, +most of all, of himself. Tolstoy fastens himself upon each newcomer +politely, like a courteous leech, sucks him dry, and then writes. + +Max Nordau, like Shakespeare, absorbs humanity as a whole. Tolstoy +considers the Bible the most dramatic work ever written, and turns this +knowledge of the world's demand for religion to theatrical account. +Tolstoy is outwardly a Christian, Nordau outwardly a pagan. Tolstoy +openly acknowledges God, but exemplifies the ideas of man, while Max +Nordau's private life embodies the noble teachings of the Christ whom he +denies. + +It was not until months afterward, we were back in London in fact, when +Jimmie's opinion of Tolstoy seemed to have crystallised. He came to me +one morning and said: + +"I've read everything, since we left Moscow, that Tolstoy has written. +Now you know I don't pretend to know anything about literary style and +all that rot that you're so keen about, but I do know something about +human nature, and I do know a grand-stand play when I see one. Now +Tolstoy is a genius, there's no gainsaying that, but it's all covered up +and smothered in that religious rubbish that he has caught the ear of +the world with. If you want to be admired while you are alive, write a +religious novel and let the hoi polloi snivel over you and give you gold +dollars while you can enjoy 'em and spend 'em. That's where Tolstoy is a +fox. So is Mrs. Humphrey Ward. She's a fox, too. They are getting all +the fun _now_. But it's all gallery play with both of 'em." + +I said nothing, and he smoked in silence for a moment. Then he added: + +"But I _say_, what a ripper Tolstoy could write if he'd just cut loose +from religion for a minute and write a novel that didn't have any damned +_purpose_ in it!" + +Verily, Jimmie is no fool. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +SHOPPING EXPERIENCES + +In going to Europe timid persons often cover their real design by +claiming the intention of taking German baths, of "doing" Switzerland, +or of learning languages. But everybody knows that the real reason why +most women go abroad is to shop. What cathedral can bring such a look of +rapture to a woman's face as New Bond Street or what scenery such +ecstasy as the Rue de la Paix? + +Therefore, as I believe my lot in shopping to be the common lot of all, +let me tell my tale, so that to all who have suffered the same agonies +and delights this may come as a personal reminiscence of their own, +while to you who have Europe yet to view for that blissful first time, +which is the best of all, this is what you will go through. + +When I first went to Europe I had all of the average American woman's +timidity about asserting herself in the face of a shopgirl or salesman. +Many years of shopping in America had thoroughly broken a spirit which +was once proud. I therefore suffered unnecessary annoyance during my +first shopping in London, because I was overwhelmingly polite and +affable to the man behind the counter. I said "please," and "If you +don't mind," and "I would like to see," instead of using the martial +command of the ordinary Englishwoman, who marches up to the show-case in +flat-heeled boots and says in a tone of an officer ordering "Shoulder +arms," "Show me your gauze fans!" I used to listen to them standing next +me at a counter, momentarily expecting to see them knocked down by the +indignant salesman and carried to a hospital in an ambulance. + +My own tones were so conversational when I said, "Will you please show +me your black satin ribbon?" that, while I did not say it, my voice +implied such questions as "How are your father and mother?" and "I hope +the baby is better?" and "Doesn't that draught there on your back annoy +you?" and "Don't you get very tired standing up all day?" + +It was Bee, as usual, who gave me my first lesson in the insolent +bearing which alone obtains the best results from the average British +shopman. + +Still without having thoroughly asserted myself, not having been to that +particular manner born, I went next to Paris, where my politeness met +with the just reward which virtue is always supposed to get and seldom +does. + +I consider shopping in Paris one of the greatest pleasures to be found +in this vale of tears. The shops, with the exception of the Louvre, the +Bon Marché, and one or two of the large department stores of similar +scope, are all small--tiny, in fact, and exploit but one or two things. +A little shop for fans will be next to a milliner who makes a specialty +of nothing but gauze theatre bonnets. Perhaps next will come a linen +store, where the windows will have nothing but the most fascinating +embroidery, handkerchiefs, and neckware. Then comes the man who sells +belts of every description, and parasol handles. Perhaps your next +window will have such a display of diamond necklaces as would justify +you in supposing that his stock would make Tiffany choke with envy, but +if you enter, you will find yourself in an aperture in the wall, holding +an iron safe, a two-by-four show-case, and three chairs, and you will +find that everything of value he has, except the clothes he wears, are +all in his window. + +As long as these shops are all crowded together and so small, to shop in +Paris is really much more convenient than in one of our large department +stores at home, with the additional delight of having smiling interested +service. The proprietor himself enters into your wants, and uses all his +quickness and intelligence to supply your demands. He may be, very +likely he is, doubling the price on you, because you are an American, +but, if your bruised spirit is like mine, you will be perfectly willing +to pay a little extra for politeness. + +It is a truth that I have brought home with me no article from Paris +which does not carry with it pleasant recollections of the way I bought +it. Can any woman who has shopped only in America bring forward a +similar statement? + +All this changes, however, when once you get into the clutches of the +average French dressmaker. By his side, Barabbas would appear a +gentleman of exceptional honesty. I have often, in idle moments, +imagined myself a cannibal, and, in preparing my daily menu, my first +dish would be a fricassee of French dressmakers. Perhaps in that I am +unjust. In thinking it over, I will amend it by saying a fricassee of +_all_ dressmakers. It would be unfair to limit it to the French. + +There is one thing particularly noticeable about the charm which French +shop-windows in one of the smart streets like the rue de la Paix +exercises upon the American woman, and that is that it very soon wears +off, and she sees that most of the things exploited are beyond her +means, or are totally unsuited to her needs. I defy any woman to walk +down one of these brilliant shop-lined streets of Paris for the first +time, and not want to buy every individual thing she sees, and she will +want to do it a second time and a third time, and, if she goes away from +Paris and stays two months, the first time she sees these things on her +return all the old fascination is there. To overcome it, to stamp it out +of the system, she must stay long enough in Paris to live it down, for, +if she buys rashly while under the influence of this first glamour, she +is sure to regret it. + +Dresden and Berlin differ materially from Paris in this respect. Their +shop-windows exploit things less expensive, more suitable to your +every-day needs, and equally unattainable at home. So that if you have +gained some experience by your mistakes in Paris, your outlay in these +German cities will be much more rational. + +Leather goods in Germany are simply distracting. There are shops in +Dresden where no woman who appreciates bags, satchels, card-cases, +photograph-frames, book-covers, and purses could refrain from buying +without disastrous results. I remember my first pilgrimage through the +streets of Dresden. Between the porcelains and toilet sets, the +Madonnas, the belts, and card-cases, I nearly lost my mind. The modest +prices of the coveted articles were each time a separate shock of joy. +If these sturdy Germans had wished to take advantage of my indiscreet +expressions of surprise and delight, they might easily have raised their +prices without our ever having discovered it. But day after day we +returned, not only to find that the prices remained the same, but that, +in many instances, if we bought several articles, they voluntarily took +off a mark or two on account of the generosity of our purchases. + +Dresden is a city where works of art are most cunningly copied. You can +order, if you like, copies of any but the most intricate of the +treasures of the Green Vaults, and you will not be disappointed with the +results. You can order copies of any of the most famous pictures in the +Dresden galleries, and have them executed with like exquisite skill. Nor +is there any city in all Europe where it is so satisfactory to buy a +souvenir of a town, which you will not want to throw away when you get +home and try to find a place for it. Because souvenirs of Dresden appeal +to your love of art and the highest in your nature. Leather you will +find elsewhere, but the Dresden works of art are peculiarly its own. + +In Austria manners differ considerably both from those of Paris and +upper Germany. I should say they were a cross between the two. We +shopped in Ischl, which has shops quite out of proportion to its size on +account of being the summer home of the Emperor, and there we met with a +politeness which was delightful. + +In Vienna we had occasion to accompany Jimmie and "Little Papa" on +business expeditions which led him into the wholesale district. There it +was universal for all the clerks to be seated at their work, +particularly in the jeweller's shops. At our entrance, every man and +woman there, from the proprietor to the errand boys, rose to their feet, +bowed, and said "Good day." + +When we finished our purchases, or even if we only looked and came away +without buying, this was all repeated, which sometimes gave me the +sensation of having been to a court function. + +Vienna fashions are very elegant. Being the seat of the court, there is +a great deal of dress. There is wealth, and the shops are magnificent. +Personally, I much prefer the fashions of Vienna to those of Paris. +Prices are perhaps a little more moderate, but the truly Paris creation +generally has the effect of making one think it would be beautiful on +somebody else. I can go to Worth, Felix, and Doucet, and half a dozen +others equally as smart, and not see ten models that I would like to +own. In Vienna there were Paris clothes, of course, but the Viennese +have modified them, producing somewhat the same effect as American +influence on Paris fashions. To my mind they are more elegant, having +more of reserve and dignity in their style, and a distinct morality. +Paris clothes generally look immoral when you buy them, and feel immoral +when you get them on. There is a distinct spiritual atmosphere about +clothes. In Vienna this was very noticeable. I speak more of clothes in +Paris and Vienna, as there are only four cities in the world where one +would naturally buy clothes,--Paris, Vienna, London, and New York. In +other cities you buy other things, articles perhaps distinctive of the +country. + +When you get to St. Petersburg, in your shopping experiences, you will +find a mixture of Teuton and Slav which is very perplexing. We were +particularly anxious to get some good specimens of Russian enamel, which +naturally one supposes to be more inexpensive in the country which +creates them, but to our distress we discovered Avenue de l'Opera prices +on everything we wished. Each time that we went back the price was +different. The market seemed to fluctuate. One blue enamelled belt, upon +which I had set my heart, varied in price from one to three dollars each +time I looked at it. Finally, one day I hit upon a plan. I asked my +friend, Mile, de Falk, to follow me into this shop and not speak to me, +but to notice the particular belt I held in my hand. I then went out +without purchasing, and the next day my friend sent her sister, who +speaks nothing but Russian and French, to this shop. She purchased the +belt for ten dollars less than it had been offered to me. She ordered a +different lining made for it, and the shopkeeper said in guileless +Russian, "How strange it is that ladies all over the world are alike. +For a week two American young ladies have been in here looking at this +belt, and by a strange coincidence they also wished this same lining." + +For once I flatter myself that I "did" a Russian Jew, but his +companions in crime have so thoroughly "done" me in other corners of the +world that I need not plume myself unnecessarily. He is more than even +with me. + +All through Russia we contented ourselves with buying Russian +engravings, which are among the finest in the world. Perhaps some of +their charm is in the subject portrayed, which, being unfamiliar, +arouses curiosity. Russian operas, paintings, theatricals, the national +ballet, the interior of churches and mosques are different from those of +every other country. There is in the churches such a strange admixture +of the spiritual and the theatrical. So that the engravings of these +things have for me at least more interest than anything else. + +Occasionally we were betrayed into buying a peasant's costume, an ikon, +or an enamel, but in Moscow and Kief, the only way that we could +reproduce to our friends at home the glories and splendours of these two +beautiful cities was by photographs, in which the brilliancy of their +colours brings back the sensations of delight which we experienced. + +Shopping in Constantinople is not shopping as we Americans understand +it, unless you happen to be an Indian trader by profession. I am not. +Therefore, the system of bargaining, of going away from a bazaar and +pretending you never intended buying, never wanted it anyhow, of coming +back to sit down and take a cup of coffee, was like acting in private +theatricals. By nature I am not a diplomat, but if I had stayed longer +in the Orient, I think I would have learned to be as tricky as Chinese +diplomacy. + +We were given, by several of our Turkish friends, two or three rules +which should govern conduct when shopping in the Orient. One is to look +bored; the second, never to show interest in what pleases you; the +third, never to let your robber salesman have an idea of what you really +intend to buy. This comes hard at first, but after you have once learned +it, to go shopping is one of the most exciting experiences that I can +remember. I have always thought that burglary must be an exhilarating +profession, second only to that of the detective who traps him. In +shopping in the Orient, the bazaars are dens of thieves, and you, the +purchaser, are the detective. We found in Constantinople little +opportunity to exercise our new-found knowledge, because we were +accompanied by our Turkish friends, who saw to it that we made no +indiscreet purchases. On several occasions they made us send things back +because we had been overcharged, and they found us better articles at +less price. Of course we bought a fez, embroidered capes, bolero +jackets, embroidered curtains, and rugs, but we, ourselves, were waiting +to get to Smyrna for the real purchase of rugs, and it was there that I +personally first brought into play the guile that I had learned of the +Turks. + +I remember Smyrna with particular delight. The quay curves in like a +giant horseshoe of white cement. The piers jut out into the sapphire +blue of this artificial bay, and are surrounded by myriads of tiny +rowing shells, in which you must trust yourself to get to land, as your +big ship anchors a mile or more from shore. + +It was the brightest, most brilliant Mediterranean sunshine which +irradiated the scene the morning on which we arrived at Smyrna. A score +of gaily clad boatmen, whose very patches on their trousers were as +picturesque as the patches on Italian sails, held out their hands to +enable us to step from one cockle-shell to another, to reach the pier. +In the way the boats touch each other in the harbour at Smyrna, I was +reminded of the Thames in Henley week. We climbed through perhaps a +dozen of these boats before we landed on the pier, and in three minutes' +walk we were in the rug bazaars of Smyrna. Such treasures as we saw! + +We were received by the smiling merchants as if we were long-lost +daughters suddenly restored, but we practised our newly acquired +diplomacy on them to such an extent that their faces soon began to +betray the most comic astonishment. These people are like children, and +exhibit their emotions in a manner which seems almost infantile to the +Caucasian. Alas, we were not the prey they had hoped for. We sneered at +their rugs; we laughed at their embroideries; we turned up our noses at +their jewelled weapons; we drank their coffee, and walked out of their +shops without buying. They followed us into the street, and there +implored us to come back, but we pretended to be returning to our ship. +On our way back through this same street, every proprietor was out in +front of his shop, holding up some special rug or embroidery which he +had hastily dug out of his secret treasures in the vain hope of +compelling our respect. Some of these were Persian silk rugs worth from +one to three thousand dollars each. Although we would have committed any +crime in order to possess these treasures, having got thoroughly into +the spirit of the thing, we turned these rugs on their backs and +pretended to find flaws in them, jeered at their colouring, and went on +our way, followed by a jabbering, excited, perplexed, and nettled horde, +who recklessly slaughtered their prices and almost tore up their mud +floors in their wild anxiety to prove that they had +something--anything--which we would buy. They called upon Allah to +witness that they never had been treated so in their lives, but would we +not stop just once more again to cast our eyes on their unworthy stock? + +Having had all the amusement we wanted, and it being nearly time for +luncheon, we went in, and in half an hour we had bought all that we had +intended to buy from the first moment our eyes were cast upon them, and +at about one-half the price they were offered to us three hours before. +Now, if that isn't what you call enjoying yourself, I should like to ask +what you expect. + +Ephesus, the graves of the Seven Sleepers, the tomb of St. Luke, the +ruins of the Temple of Diana ("Great is Diana of the Ephesians"), the +prison of St. Paul, are only a part of my vivid experiences in Smyrna. + +In Athens we bought nothing modern, but found several antique shops with +Byzantine treasures, also silver ornaments, ancient curios, more +beautiful than anything we found in Italy, and ancient sacred brass +candlesticks of the Greek Church, which bore the test of being +transplanted to an American setting. + +In truth, some of my richest experiences have been in exploring with +Jimmie tiny second-hand shops, pawn-shops, and dark, almost squalid +corners, where, amid piles of rubbish, we found some really exquisite +treasures. Mrs. Jimmie and Bee would have been afraid they would catch +leprosy if they had gone with us on some of our expeditions, but Jimmie +and I trusted in that Providence which always watches over children and +fools, and even in England we found bits of old silver, china, and +porcelain which amply repaid us for all the risk we ran. We often +encountered shopkeepers who spoke a language utterly unknown to us and +who understood not one word of English, and with whom we communicated by +writing down the figures on paper which we would pay, or showing them +the money in our hands. Perhaps we were cheated now and then--in fact, +in our secret hearts we are guiltily sure of it, but what difference +does that make? + +When you get to Cairo, it being the jumping-off place, you naturally +expect the most curious admixture of stuffs for sale that your mind can +imagine, but, after having passed through the first stages of +bewilderment, you soon see that there are only a few things that you +really care for. For instance, you can't resist the turquoises. If you +go home from Egypt without buying any you will be sorry all the rest of +your lives. Nor ought you to hold yourself back from your natural +leaning toward crude ostrich feathers from the ostrich farms, and to +bottle up your emotion at seeing uncut amber in pieces the size of a +lump of chalk is to render yourself explosive and dangerous to your +friends. Shirt studs, long chains for your vinaigrette or your fan, cuff +buttons, antique belts of curious stones (generally clumsy and +unbecoming to the waist, but not to be withstood), carved ostrich eggs, +jewelled fly-brushes, carved brass coffee-pots and finger bowls, cigar +sets of brilliant but rude enamel, to say nothing of the rugs and +embroideries, are some of the things which I defy you to refrain from +buying. To be sure, there are thousands of other attractions, which, if +you are strong-minded, you can leave alone, but these things I have +enumerated you will find that you cannot live without. Of course, I mean +by this that these things are within reach of your purse, and cheaper +than you can get them anywhere else, unless perhaps you go into the +adjacent countries from which they come. + +As you go up the Nile, your shopping becomes more primitive. On the mud +banks, at the stations at which your boat stops, Arabians, Nubians, and +Egyptians sit squatting on the caked mud with their gaudy clothes, +brilliant embroideries, and rugs piled around them all within arm's +reach. Here also you must bring the guile which I have described into +play. + +It may be that at Assuan, near the first cataract, I really got into +some little danger. I never knew why, but in the bazaars there I +developed an awful, insatiable desire to make a complete collection of +Abyssinian weapons of warfare. For this purpose, one day, I got on my +donkey and took with me only a little Scotchman, who had presented me +with countless bead necklaces and so many baskets all the way up the +Nile that at night I was obliged to put them overboard in order to get +into my stateroom, and who wore, besides his goggles, a green veil over +his face. We made our way across the sand, into which our donkeys' feet +sank above their fetlocks, to the bazaars of Assuan. + +These bazaars deserve more than a passing mention, as they are unlike +any that I ever saw. They are all under one roof on both sides of tiny +streets or broad aisles, just as you choose to call them, and through +these aisles your donkey is privileged to go, while you sit calmly on +his back, bargaining with the cross-legged merchants, who scream at you +as you pass, thrusting their wares into your face, and, even if you +attempt to pass on, they stop your donkey by pulling his tail. On this +particular day I left my donkey at the door and made my way on foot, as +I was eager to make my purchases. + +Perhaps I was careless and ought to have taken better care of my +Scotchman, because he was so little and so far from home, but I regret +to say that I lost him soon after I went into the bazaar, and I didn't +see him again for three hours. Never shall I forget those three hours. + +In Smyrna, Turkey, and Egypt the bargaining language is about the same. + +"What you give, lady?" + +"I won't give anything! I don't want it! What! Do you think I would +carry that back home?" + +"But you take hold of him; you feel him silk; I think you want to buy. +Ver' cheap, only four pound!" + +"Four pounds!" I say in French. "Oh, you don't want to sell. You want to +keep it. And at such a price you will keep it." + +"Keep it!" in a shrill scream. "Not want to sell? Me? I _here_ to sell! +I sell you everything you see! I sell you the _shop_!" and then more +wheedlingly, "You give me forty francs?" + +"No," in English again. "I'll give you two dollars." + +"America! Liberty!" he cries, having cunningly established my +nationality, and flattering my country with Oriental guile. + +"Exactly," I say, "liberty for such as you if you go there. None for me. +Liberty in America is only free to the lower classes. The others are +obliged to _buy_ theirs." + +He shakes his head uncomprehendingly. "How much you give for him? Last +price now! Six dollars!" + +We haggle over "last prices" for a quarter of an hour more, and after +two cups of coffee, amiably taken together, and some general +conversation, I buy the thing for three dollars. + +Bee says my tastes are low, but at any rate I can truthfully say that I +get on uncommonly well with the common herd. I got about thirty of these +jargon-speaking merchants so excited with my spirited method of not +buying what they wanted me to that a large Englishman and a tall, gaunt +Australian, thinking there was a fight going on, came to where I sat +drinking coffee, and found that the screams, gesticulations, appeals to +Allah, smiting of foreheads, brandishing of fists, and the general +uproar were all caused by a quiet and well-behaved American girl sitting +in their midst, while no less than four of them held a fold of her +skirt, twitching it now and then to call attention to their particular +howl of resentment. They rescued me, loaded my purchases on my donkey +boy, and found my donkey for me, beside which, sitting patiently on the +ground and humbly waiting my return, I found my little Scotchman. + +With all this cumulative experience, as Jimmie says, "of how to +misbehave in shops," we got back to London, where I could bring it into +play, and in a manner avenge myself for past slights. + +I was so grateful to Jimmie for the King Arthur that he gave me at +Innsbruck that I decided to surprise him by something really handsome on +his birthday. + +When we got to Paris, there seemed to be an epidemic of gun-metal +ornaments set with tiny pearls, diamonds, or sapphires. Of these I +noticed that Jimmie admired the pearl-studded cigar-cases and +match-safes most, but for some reason I waited to make my purchase in +London, which was one of the most foolish things I ever have done in all +my foolish career, and right here let me say that there is nothing so +unsatisfactory as to postpone a purchase, thinking either that you will +come back to the same place or that you will see better further along, +for in nine cases out of ten you never see it again. + +When we got to London, Bee and I put on our best street clothes and +started out to buy Jimmie his birthday present. We searched everywhere, +but found that all gun-metal articles in London were either plain or +studded with diamonds. We couldn't find a pearl. Finally in one shop I +explained my search to a tall, heavy man, evidently the proprietor, who +had small green eyes set quite closely together, a florid complexion, +and hay-coloured side-whiskers. His whiskers irritated me quite as much +as the fact that he hadn't what I wanted. Perhaps my hat vexed him, but +at any rate he looked as though he were glad he didn't have the pearls, +and he finally permitted his annoyance, or his general British rudeness, +to voice itself in this way: + +"Pardon me, madame," he said, "but you will never find cigar-cases of +gun-metal studded with pearls, no matter how much you may desire it, for +it is not good taste." + +I was warm, irritated, and my dress was too tight in the belt, so I just +leaned my two elbows on that show-case, and I said to him: + +"Do you mean to have the impertinence, my good man, to tell two American +ladies that what they are looking for is not in good taste, simply +because you are so stupid and insular as not to keep it in stock? Do you +presume to express your opinion on taste when you are wearing a green +satin necktie with a pink shirt? If you had ever been off this little +island, and had gone to a land where taste in dress, and particularly in +jewels, is understood, you would realise the impertinence of criticising +the taste of an American woman, who is trying to find something worth +while buying in so hopelessly British a shop as this. Now, my good man," +I added, taking up my parasol and purse, "I shall not report your +rudeness to the proprietor, because doubtless you have a family to +support, and I don't wish to make you lose your place, but let this be a +warning to you never to be so insolent again," and with that, I simply +swept out of his shop. I seldom sweep out. Bee says I generally crawl +out, but this time I was so inflated with an unholy joy that I +recklessly cabled to Paris for Jimmie's pearls, and to this day I +rejoice at the way that man covered his green satin tie with his large +hairy red hand, and at the ecstatic smiles on the faces of two clerks +standing near, for I _knew_ he was the proprietor when I called him "My +good man." + +If you want to open an account in London, you have to be vouched for by +another commercial house. They won't take your personal friends, no +matter how wealthy, no matter if they are titled. Your bank's opinion of +you is no good. Neither does it avail you how well and favourably you +are known at your hotel for paying your bill promptly. This, and the +custom in several large department stores of never returning your money +if you take back goods, but making you spend it, not in the store, but +in the department in which you have bought, makes shopping for dry goods +excessively annoying to Americans. + +I took back two silk blouses out of five that I bought at a large shop +in Regent Street much frequented by Americans, which carries on a store +near by under the same name, exclusively for mourning goods. To my +astonishment, I discovered that I must buy three more blouses, or else +lose all the money I paid for them. In my thirst for information, I +asked the reason for this. In America, a lady would consider the reason +they gave an insult. The shopwoman told me that ladies' maids are so +expert at copying that many ladies have six or eight garments sent home, +kept a few days, copied by their maids and returned, and that this +became so much the custom that they were finally forced to make that +obnoxious rule. + +I have heard complaints made in America by proprietors of large +importing houses that women who keep accounts frequently order a +handsome gown, wrap, or hat sent home on approval, wear it, and return +it the next day. If this is the custom among decent self-respecting +American women, who masquerade in society in the guise of women of +refinement and culture, no wonder that shopkeepers are obliged to +protect themselves. There is nowhere that the saying, "the innocent must +suffer with the guilty," obtains with so much force as in shopping, +particularly in London. + +It is a characteristic difference between the clever American and the +insular British shopkeeper that in America, when a thing such as I have +mentioned is suspected, the saleswoman or a private detective is sent to +shadow the suspect, and ascertain if she really wore the garment in +question. In such cases, the garment is returned to her with a note, +saying that she was seen wearing it, when it is generally paid for +without a word. If not, the shop is in danger of losing one otherwise +valuable customer, as she is placed on what is known as the "blacklist," +which means that a double scrutiny is placed on all her purchases, as +she is suspected of trickery. + +In this same shop in Regent Street, of which I have been speaking, we +submitted to several petty annoyances of this description without +complaint, the last and pettiest of which was when Mrs. Jimmie, being +captivated by an exquisite hundred-guinea gown of pale gray, embroidered +in pink silk roses, and veiled with black Chantilly lace, bought it and +ordered it altered to her figure. For this they charged her two pounds +ten in addition to that frightful price for about an hour's work about +the collar. Mrs. Jimmie seldom resents anything, and in her gentleness +is easily governed, so this time I persuaded her to protest, and +dictated a furious letter of remonstrance to the proprietor, citing only +this one case of extortion. Jimmie sat by, smoking and encouraging me, +as I paced up and down the room with my hands behind my back, giving +vent to sentences which, when copied down in Mrs. Jimmie's ladylike +handwriting, made Jimmie scream with joy. I think Mrs. Jimmie never had +any intention of sending the letter, having written it down as a +safety-valve for my rather explosive nature, but Jimmie was so carried +away by the artistic incongruities of the situation that he whipped a +stamp on it and mailed it before his wife could wink. + +To his delight, Mrs. Jimmie received, three days later, a letter from +the astonished proprietor, which showed in every line of it the jolt +that my letter must have been to his stolid British nerveless system. He +began by thanking her for having reported the matter to him, apologised +humbly, as a British tradesman always does apologise to the bloated +power of wealth, and said that her letter had been sent to all the +various heads of departments for their perusal. He declared that for +five years he had been endeavouring to bring the directors to see that, +if they were to possess the coveted American patronage for which they +always strove, they must accommodate themselves to certain American +prejudices, one of which was the unalterable distaste Americans +displayed in paying for refitting handsome gowns. He was delighted to +say that her letter had been couched in such firm, decisive, and +righteously indignant language, such as he himself never would have been +capable of commanding, had carried such weight, and had been productive +of such definite results with the directors that he was pleased to +announce that henceforward a radical change would appear in the +government of their house, and that never again would an extra charge be +made for refitting any garment costing over ten pounds. He thanked her +again for her letter, but could not resist saying at the close that it +was the most astonishing letter he had ever received in his life, and he +begged to enclose the two pounds ten overcharge. + +Jimmie fairly howled for joy as he read this letter aloud; Bee looked +very much mortified; Mrs. Jimmie exceedingly perplexed, as if uncertain +what to think, but I confess that all my irritation against British +shopkeepers fell away from me as a cast-off garment. I blush to say that +I shared Jimmie's delight, and when he solemnly made me a present of the +two pounds ten I had so heroically earned, I soothed my ladylike +sister's refined resentment by inviting all three to have broiled +lobster with me at Scott's. + +I imagine, however, that one woman's experience with dressmakers is like +all others. I have noticed that to introduce the subject of my personal +woes in the matter is to make the conversation general, in fact I might +say composite, no matter how formal the gathering of women. Like the +subject of servants, it is as provocative of conversation as classical +music. + +Far be it from me, however, to class all shopping in London under the +head of dry goods, or the rage one gets into with every dressmaker. In +most of the shops, in fact, I may say, in all of them (for the one +unfortunate experience I have related in the jeweller's shop was the +only one of the kind I ever had in London), the clerks are universally +polite, interested, and obliging, no matter how smart the shop may be. +Take for instance, Jay's, or Lewis and Allenby's. The instant you stop +before the smallest object a saleswoman approaches and says, "Good +morning." You say, "What a very pretty parasol!" and she replies, "It +_is_ pretty, isn't it, modom?" She wears a skin-tight black cashmere +gown with a little tail to it. Her beautiful broad shoulders, flat back, +tiny waist, bun at the back of her head, and the invisible net over the +fringe, all proclaim her to be an Englishwoman, but her pronunciation of +the simplest words, and the way her voice goes up and down two or three +times in a single sentence, sometimes twice in a single word, might +sometimes lead you to think she spoke a foreign tongue. + +The English call all our voices monotonous, but it was several weeks +after I reached London for the first time before I could catch the +significance of a sentence the first time it was pronounced. All over +Europe our watchword with the Russians, Turks, Egyptians, Arabs, French, +Germans, and Italians was always "Do you speak English?" and in London +it is Jimmie's crowning act of revenge to ask the railway guards and +cab-drivers the same insulting question. Imagine asking London cabbies +the question, "Do you speak English?" It puts him in a purple rage +directly. + +But shopkeepers all over Europe are quick to anticipate all your wants, +to suggest tempting things which have not occurred to you to buy, and +to offer to have things made, if nothing in stock suits you. I suppose I +am naturally slow and stupid. Bee says I am, but having been brought up +in America, in the South, where nothing is ever made, and where we had +to send to New York for everything, and where even New York has to +depend on Europe for many of its staples, my surprise overpowered me so +that it mortified Bee, when they offered to have silk stockings made for +me in Paris. + +Like most Americans, I am in the habit of turning away disappointed, and +preparing to go without things if I cannot find what I want in the +shops, but in London and Paris they will offer of their own accord to +make for you anything you may describe to them, from a pair of gloves to +a pattern of brocade. This is one and perhaps the only glory of being an +American in Europe, for, as my friend in Naples, of the firm of Ananias, +Barabbas, and Company, said to me: + +"Behold! you are an American, and by Americans do we not live?" + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Abroad with the Jimmies, by Lilian Bell + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12184 *** |