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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12131 ***
+
+THE LADY OF THE BARGE
+
+AND OTHER STORIES
+
+By W. W. Jacobs
+
+
+
+
+A GOLDEN VENTURE
+
+
+The elders of the Tidger family sat at breakfast--Mrs. Tidger with knees
+wide apart and the youngest Tidger nestling in the valley of print-dress
+which lay between, and Mr. Tidger bearing on one moleskin knee a small
+copy of himself in a red flannel frock and a slipper.  The larger Tidger
+children took the solids of their breakfast up and down the stone-flagged
+court outside, coming in occasionally to gulp draughts of very weak tea
+from a gallipot or two which stood on the table, and to wheedle Mr.
+Tidger out of any small piece of bloater which he felt generous enough
+to bestow.
+
+"Peg away, Ann," said Mr. Tidger, heartily.
+
+His wife's elder sister shook her head, and passing the remains of her
+slice to one of her small nephews, leaned back in her chair.  "No
+appetite, Tidger," she said, slowly.
+
+"You should go in for carpentering," said Mr. Tidger, in justification of
+the huge crust he was carving into mouthfuls with his pocket-knife.
+"Seems to me I can't eat enough sometimes.  Hullo, who's the letter for?"
+
+He took it from the postman, who stood at the door amid a bevy of Tidgers
+who had followed him up the court, and slowly read the address.
+
+"'Mrs. Ann Pullen,'" he said, handing it over to his sister-in-law; "nice
+writing, too."
+
+Mrs. Pullen broke the envelope, and after a somewhat lengthy search for
+her pocket, fumbled therein for her spectacles.  She then searched the
+mantelpiece, the chest of drawers, and the dresser, and finally ran them
+to earth on the copper.
+
+She was not a good scholar, and it took her some time to read the letter,
+a proceeding which she punctuated with such "Ohs" and "Ahs" and gaspings
+and "God bless my souls" as nearly drove the carpenter and his wife, who
+were leaning forward impatiently, to the verge of desperation.
+
+"Who's it from?"  asked Mr. Tidger for the third time.
+
+"I don't know," said Mrs. Pullen.  "Good gracious, who ever would ha'
+thought it!"
+
+"Thought what, Ann?"  demanded the carpenter, feverishly.
+
+"Why don't people write their names plain?"  demanded his sister-in-law,
+impatiently.  "It's got a printed name up in the corner; perhaps that's
+it.  Well, I never did--I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or
+my heels."
+
+"You're sitting down, that's what you're a-doing," said the carpenter,
+regarding her somewhat unfavourably.
+
+"Perhaps it's a take-in," said Mrs. Pullen, her lips trembling.  "I've
+heard o' such things.  If it is, I shall never get over it--never."
+
+"Get--over--what?"  asked the carpenter.
+
+"It don't look like a take-in," soliloquized Mrs. Pullen, "and I
+shouldn't think anybody'd go to all that trouble and spend a penny to
+take in a poor thing like me."
+
+Mr. Tidger, throwing politeness to the winds, leaped forward, and
+snatching the letter from her, read it with feverish haste, tempered
+by a defective education.
+
+"It's a take-in, Ann," he said, his voice trembling; "it must be."
+
+"What is?"  asked Mrs. Tidger, impatiently.
+
+"Looks like it," said Mrs. Pullen, feebly.
+
+"What is it?"  screamed Mrs. Tidger, wrought beyond all endurance.
+
+Her husband turned and regarded her with much severity, but Mrs. Tidger's
+gaze was the stronger, and after a vain attempt to meet it, he handed her
+the letter.
+
+Mrs. Tidger read it through hastily, and then snatching the baby from her
+lap, held it out with both arms to her husband, and jumping up, kissed
+her sister heartily, patting her on the back in her excitement until she
+coughed with the pain of it.
+
+"You don't think it's a take-in, Polly?"  she inquired.
+
+"Take-in?"  said her sister; "of course it ain't.  Lawyers don't play
+jokes; their time's too valuable.  No, you're an heiress all right, Ann,
+and I wish you joy.  I couldn't be more pleased if it was myself."
+
+She kissed her again, and going to pat her back once more, discovered
+that she had sunk down sufficiently low in her chair to obtain the
+protection of its back.
+
+"Two thousand pounds," said Mrs. Pullen, in an awestruck voice.
+
+"Ten hundered pounds twice over," said the carpenter, mouthing it slowly;
+"twenty hundered pounds."
+
+He got up from the table, and instinctively realizing that he could not
+do full justice to his feelings with the baby in his arms, laid it on the
+teatray in a puddle of cold tea and stood looking hard at the heiress.
+
+"I was housekeeper to her eleven years ago," said Mrs. Pullen.  "I wonder
+what she left it to me for?"
+
+"Didn't know what to do with it, I should think," said the carpenter,
+still staring openmouthed.
+
+"Tidger, I'm ashamed of you," said his wife, snatching her infant to her
+bosom.  "I expect you was very good to her, Ann."
+
+"I never 'ad no luck," said the impenitent carpenter.  "Nobody ever left
+me no money.  Nobody ever left me so much as a fi-pun note."
+
+He stared round disdainfully at his poor belongings, and drawing on his
+coat, took his bag from a corner, and hoisting it on his shoulder,
+started to his work.  He scattered the news as he went, and it ran up and
+down the little main street of Thatcham, and thence to the outlying lanes
+and cottages.  Within a couple of hours it was common property, and the
+fortunate legatee was presented with a congratulatory address every time
+she ventured near the door.
+
+It is an old adage that money makes friends; the carpenter was surprised
+to find that the mere fact of his having a moneyed relation had the same
+effect, and that men to whom he had hitherto shown a certain amount of
+respect due to their position now sought his company.  They stood him
+beer at the "Bell," and walked by his side through the street.  When they
+took to dropping in of an evening to smoke a pipe the carpenter was
+radiant with happiness.
+
+"You don't seem to see beyond the end of your nose, Tidger," said the
+wife of his bosom after they had retired one evening.
+
+"H'm?"  said the startled carpenter.
+
+"What do you think old Miller, the dealer, comes here for?"  demanded his
+wife.
+
+"Smoke his pipe," replied her husband, confidently.
+
+"And old Wiggett?"  persisted Mrs. Tidger.
+
+"Smoke his pipe," was the reply.  "Why, what's the matter, Polly?"
+
+Mrs. Tidger sniffed derisively.  "You men are all alike," she snapped.
+"What do you think Ann wears that pink bodice for?"
+
+"I never noticed she 'ad a pink bodice, Polly," said the carpenter.
+
+"No?  That's what I say.  You men never notice anything," said his wife.
+"If you don't send them two old fools off, I will."
+
+"Don't you like 'em to see Ann wearing pink?"  inquired the mystified
+Tidger.
+
+Mrs. Tidger bit her lip and shook her head at him scornfully.  "In plain
+English, Tidger, as plain as I can speak it,"--she said, severely,
+"they're after Ann and 'er bit o' money."
+
+Mr. Tidger gazed at her open-mouthed, and taking advantage of that fact,
+blew out the candle to hide his discomposure.  "What!" he said, blankly,
+"at 'er time o' life?"
+
+"Watch 'em to-morrer," said his wife.
+
+The carpenter acted upon his instructions, and his ire rose as he noticed
+the assiduous attention paid by his two friends to the frivolous Mrs.
+Pullen.  Mr. Wiggett, a sharp-featured little man, was doing most of the
+talking, while his rival, a stout, clean-shaven man with a slow, oxlike
+eye, looked on stolidly.  Mr. Miller was seldom in a hurry, and lost many
+a bargain through his slowness--a fact which sometimes so painfully
+affected the individual who had outdistanced him that he would offer to
+let him have it at a still lower figure.
+
+"You get younger than ever, Mrs. Pullen," said Wiggett, the conversation
+having turned upon ages.
+
+"Young ain't the word for it," said Miller, with a praiseworthy
+determination not to be left behind.
+
+"No; it's age as you're thinking of, Mr. Wiggett," said the carpenter,
+slowly; "none of us gets younger, do we, Ann?"
+
+[Illustration: "YOU GET YOUNGER THAN EVER, MRS.  PULLEN."]
+
+"Some of us keeps young in our ways," said Mrs. Pullen, somewhat shortly.
+
+"How old should you say Ann is now?"  persisted the watchful Tidger.
+
+Mr. Wiggett shook his head.  "I should say she's about fifteen years
+younger nor me," he said, slowly, "and I'm as lively as a cricket."
+
+"She's fifty-five," said the carpenter.
+
+"That makes you seventy, Wiggett," said Mr. Miller, pointedly.  "I
+thought you was more than that.  You look it."
+
+Mr. Wiggett coughed sourly.  "I'm fifty-nine," he growled.  "Nothing 'll
+make me believe as Mrs. Pullen's fifty-five, nor anywhere near it."
+
+"Ho!"  said the carpenter, on his mettle--"ho!  Why, my wife here was the
+sixth child, and she----  He caught a gleam in the sixth child's eye, and
+expressed her age with a cough.  The others waited politely until he had
+finished, and Mr. Tidger, noticing this, coughed again.
+
+"And she--" prompted Mr. Miller, displaying a polite interest.
+
+"She ain't so young as she was," said the carpenter.
+
+"Cares of a family," said Mr. Wiggett, plumping boldly.  "I always
+thought Mrs. Pullen was younger than her."
+
+"So did I," said Mr. Miller, "much younger."
+
+Mr. Wiggett eyed him sharply.  It was rather hard to have Miller hiding
+his lack of invention by participating in his compliments and even
+improving upon them.  It was the way he dealt at market-listening to
+other dealers' accounts of their wares, and adding to them for his own.
+
+"I was noticing you the other day, ma'am," continued Mr. Wiggett.  "I see
+you going up the road with a step free and easy as a young girl's."
+
+"She allus walks like that," said Mr. Miller, in a tone of surprised
+reproof.
+
+"It's in the family," said the carpenter, who had been uneasily watching
+his wife's face.
+
+"Both of you seem to notice a lot," said Mrs. Tidger; "much more than you
+used to."
+
+Mr. Tidger, who was of a nervous and sensitive disposition, coughed
+again.
+
+"You ought to take something for that cough," said Mr. Wiggett,
+considerately.
+
+"Gin and beer," said Mr. Miller, with the air of a specialist.
+
+"Bed's the best thing for it," said Mrs. Tidger, whose temper was
+beginning to show signs of getting out of hand.
+
+Mr. Tidger rose and looked awkwardly at his visitors; Mr. Wiggett got up,
+and pretending to notice the time, said he must be going, and looked at
+Mr. Miller.  That gentleman, who was apparently deep in some knotty
+problem, was gazing at the floor, and oblivious for the time to his
+surroundings.
+
+"Come along," said Wiggett, with feigned heartiness, slapping him on the
+back.
+
+Mr. Miller, looking for a moment as though he would like to return the
+compliment, came back to everyday life, and bidding the company good-
+night, stepped to the door, accompanied by his rival.  It was immediately
+shut with some violence.
+
+"They seem in a hurry," said Wiggett.  "I don't think I shall go there
+again."
+
+"I don't think I shall," said Mr. Miller.
+
+After this neither of them was surprised to meet there again the next
+night, and indeed for several nights.  The carpenter and his wife, who
+did not want the money to go out of the family, and were also afraid of
+offending Mrs. Pullen, were at their wits' end what to do.  Ultimately it
+was resolved that Tidger, in as delicate a manner as possible, was to
+hint to her that they were after her money.  He was so vague and so
+delicate that Mrs. Pullen misunderstood him, and fancying that he was
+trying to borrow half a crown, made him a present of five shillings.
+
+It was evident to the slower-going Mr. Miller that his rival's tongue was
+giving him an advantage which only the ever-watchful presence of the
+carpenter and his wife prevented him from pushing to the fullest
+advantage.  In these circumstances he sat for two hours after breakfast
+one morning in deep cogitation, and after six pipes got up with a twinkle
+in his slow eyes which his brother dealers had got to regard as a danger
+signal.
+
+He had only the glimmering of an idea at first, but after a couple of
+pints at the "Bell" everything took shape, and he cast his eyes about for
+an assistant.  They fell upon a man named Smith, and the dealer, after
+some thought, took up his glass and went over to him.
+
+"I want you to do something for me," he remarked, in a mysterious voice.
+
+"Ah, I've been wanting to see you," said Smith, who was also a dealer in
+a small way.  "One o' them hins I bought off you last week is dead."
+
+"I'll give you another for it," said Miller.
+
+"And the others are so forgetful," continued Mr. Smith.
+
+"Forgetful?" repeated the other.
+
+"Forget to lay, like," said Mr. Smith, musingly.
+
+"Never mind about them," said Mr. Miller, with some animation.  "I want
+you to do something for me.  If it comes off all right, I'll give you a
+dozen hins and a couple of decentish-sized pigs."
+
+Mr. Smith called a halt.  "Decentish-sized" was vague.
+
+"Take your pick," said Mr. Miller.  "You know Mrs. Pullen's got two
+thousand pounds--"
+
+"Wiggett's going to have it," said the other; "he as good as told me so."
+
+"He's after her money," said the other, sadly.  "Look 'ere, Smith, I want
+you to tell him she's lost it all.  Say that Tidger told you, but you
+wasn't to tell anybody else.  Wiggett 'll believe you."
+
+Mr. Smith turned upon him a face all wrinkles, lit by one eye.  "I want
+the hins and the pigs first," he said, firmly.
+
+Mr. Miller, shocked at his grasping spirit, stared at him mournfully.
+
+"And twenty pounds the day you marry Mrs. Pullen," continued Mr. Smith.
+
+Mr. Miller, leading him up and down the sawdust floor, besought him to
+listen to reason, and Mr. Smith allowed the better feelings of our common
+human nature to prevail to the extent of reducing his demands to half a
+dozen fowls on account, and all the rest on the day of the marriage.
+Then, with the delightful feeling that he wouldn't do any work for a
+week, he went out to drop poison into the ears of Mr. Wiggett.
+
+"Lost all her money!"  said the startled Mr. Wiggett.  "How?"
+
+"I don't know how," said his friend.  "Tidger told me, but made me
+promise not to tell a soul.  But I couldn't help telling you, Wiggett,
+'cause I know what you're after."
+
+"Do me a favour," said the little man.
+
+"I will," said the other.
+
+"Keep it from Miller as long as possible.  If you hear any one else
+talking of it, tell 'em to keep it from him.  If he marries her I'll give
+you a couple of pints."
+
+Mr. Smith promised faithfully, and both the Tidgers and Mrs. Pullen were
+surprised to find that Mr. Miller was the only visitor that evening.  He
+spoke but little, and that little in a slow, ponderous voice intended for
+Mrs. Pullen's ear alone.  He spoke disparagingly of money, and shook his
+head slowly at the temptations it brought in its train.  Give him a
+crust, he said, and somebody to halve it with--a home-made crust baked by
+a wife.  It was a pretty picture, but somewhat spoiled by Mrs. Tidger
+suggesting that, though he had spoken of halving the crust, he had said
+nothing about the beer.
+
+"Half of my beer wouldn't be much," said the dealer, slowly.
+
+"Not the half you would give your wife wouldn't," retorted Mrs. Tidger.
+
+The dealer sighed and looked mournfully at Mrs. Pullen.  The lady sighed
+in return, and finding that her admirer's stock of conversation seemed to
+be exhausted, coyly suggested a game of draughts.  The dealer assented
+with eagerness, and declining the offer of a glass of beer by explaining
+that he had had one the day before yesterday, sat down and lost seven
+games right off.  He gave up at the seventh game, and pushing back his
+chair, said that he thought Mrs. Pullen was the most wonderful draught-
+player he had ever seen, and took no notice when Mrs. Tidger, in a dry
+voice charged with subtle meaning, said that she thought he was.
+
+"Draughts come natural to some people," said Mrs. Pullen, modestly.
+"It's as easy as kissing your fingers."
+
+Mr. Miller looked doubtful; then he put his great fingers to his lips by
+way of experiment, and let them fall unmistakably in the widow's
+direction.  Mrs. Pullen looked down and nearly blushed.  The carpenter
+and his wife eyed each other in indignant consternation.
+
+"That's easy enough," said the dealer, and repeated the offense.
+
+Mrs. Pullen got up in some confusion, and began to put the draught-board
+away.  One of the pieces fell on the floor, and as they both stooped to
+recover it their heads bumped.  It was nothing to the dealer's, but Mrs.
+Pullen rubbed hers and sat down with her eyes watering.  Mr. Miller took
+out his handkerchief, and going to the scullery, dipped it into water and
+held it to her head.
+
+"Is it better?"  he inquired.
+
+"A little better," said the victim, with a shiver.
+
+Mr. Miller, in his emotion, was squeezing the handkerchief hard, and a
+cold stream was running down her neck.
+
+"Thank you. It's all right now."
+
+The dealer replaced the handkerchief, and sat for some time regarding her
+earnestly. Then the carpenter and his wife displaying manifest signs of
+impatience, he took his departure, after first inviting himself for
+another game of draughts the following night.
+
+He walked home with the air of a conqueror, and thought exultingly that
+the two thousand pounds were his. It was a deal after his own heart, and
+not the least satisfactory part about it was the way he had got the
+better of Wiggett.
+
+He completed his scheme the following day after a short interview with
+the useful Smith. By the afternoon Wiggett found that his exclusive
+information was common property, and all Thatcham was marvelling at the
+fortitude with which Mrs. Pullen was bearing the loss of her fortune.
+With a view of being out of the way when the denial was published, Mr.
+Miller, after loudly expressing in public his sympathy for Mrs. Pullen
+and his admiration of her qualities, drove over with some pigs to a
+neighbouring village, returning to Thatcham in the early evening.  Then
+hurriedly putting his horse up he made his way to the carpenter's.
+
+The Tidgers were at home when he entered, and Mrs. Pullen flushed faintly
+as he shook hands.
+
+"I was coming in before," he said, impressively, "after what I heard this
+afternoon, but I had to drive over to Thorpe."
+
+"You 'eard it?"  inquired the carpenter, in an incredulous voice.
+
+"Certainly," said the dealer, "and very sorry I was.  Sorry for one
+thing, but glad for another."
+
+The carpenter opened his mouth and seemed about to speak.  Then he
+checked himself suddenly and gazed with interest at the ingenuous dealer.
+
+"I'm glad," said Mr. Miller, slowly, as he nodded at a friend of Mrs.
+Tidger's who had just come in with a long face, "because now that Mrs.
+Pullen is poor, I can say to her what I couldn't say while she was rich."
+
+Again the astonished carpenter was about to speak, but the dealer hastily
+checked him with his hand.
+
+"One at a time," he said.  "Mrs. Pullen, I was very sorry to hear this
+afternoon, for your sake, that you had lost all your money.  What I
+wanted to say to you now, now that you are poor, was to ask you to be
+Mrs. Miller.  What d'ye say?"
+
+Mrs. Pullen, touched at so much goodness, wept softly and said, "Yes."
+The triumphant Miller took out his handkerchief--the same that he had
+used the previous night, for he was not an extravagant man--and tenderly
+wiped her eyes.
+
+"Well, I'm blowed!"  said the staring carpenter.
+
+"I've got a nice little 'ouse," continued the wily Mr. Miller.  "It's a
+poor place, but nice, and we'll play draughts every evening.  When shall
+it be?"
+
+"When you like," said Mrs. Pullen, in a faint voice.
+
+"I'll put the banns up to-morrow," said the dealer.
+
+Mrs. Tidger's lady friend giggled at so much haste, but Mrs. Tidger, who
+felt that she had misjudged him, was touched.
+
+"It does you credit, Mr. Miller," she said, warmly.
+
+"No, no," said the dealer; and then Mr. Tidger got up, and crossing the
+room, solemnly shook hands with him.
+
+"Money or no money, she'll make a good wife," he said.
+
+"I'm glad you're pleased," said the dealer, wondering at this cordiality.
+
+"I don't deny I thought you was after her money," continued the
+carpenter, solemnly.  "My missus thought so, too."
+
+Mr. Miller shook his head, and said he thought they would have known him
+better.
+
+"Of course it is a great loss," said the carpenter.  "Money is money."
+
+"That's all it is, though," said the slightly mystified Mr. Miller.
+
+"What I can't understand is," continued the carpenter, "'ow the news got
+about.  Why, the neighbours knew of it a couple of hours before we did."
+
+The dealer hid a grin.  Then he looked a bit bewildered again.
+
+"I assure you," said the carpenter, "it was known in the town at least a
+couple of hours before we got the letter."
+
+Mr. Miller waited a minute to get perfect control over his features.
+"Letter?"  he repeated, faintly.
+
+"The letter from the lawyers," said the carpenter.
+
+Mr. Miller was silent again.  His features were getting tiresome.  He
+eyed the door furtively.
+
+"What-was-in-the letter?"  he asked.
+
+"Short and sweet," said the carpenter, with bitterness.  "Said it was all
+a mistake, because they'd been and found another will.  People shouldn't
+make such mistakes."
+
+"We're all liable to make mistakes," said Miller, thinking he saw an
+opening.
+
+"Yes, we made a mistake when we thought you was after Ann's money,"
+assented the carpenter.  "I'm sure I thought you'd be the last man in the
+world to be pleased to hear that she'd lost it.  One thing is, you've got
+enough for both."
+
+[Illustration: "WE'LL LEAVE YOU TWO YOUNG THINGS ALONE."]
+
+Mr. Miller made no reply, but in a dazed way strove to realize the full
+measure of the misfortune which had befallen him.  The neighbour, with
+the anxiety of her sex to be the first with a bit of news, had already
+taken her departure.  He thought of Wiggett walking the earth a free man,
+and of Smith with a three-months' bill for twenty pounds.  His pride as a
+dealer was shattered beyond repair, and emerging from a species of mist,
+he became conscious that the carpenter was addressing him.
+
+"We'll leave you two young things alone for a bit," said Mr. Tidger,
+heartily.  "We're going out.  When you're tired o' courting you can play
+draughts, and Ann will show you one or two of 'er moves.  So long."
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Golden Venture, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12131 ***