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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12123 ***
+
+THE LADY OF THE BARGE
+
+AND OTHER STORIES
+
+By W. W. Jacobs
+
+
+
+
+BILL'S PAPER CHASE
+
+
+Sailormen 'ave their faults, said the night watchman, frankly.  I'm not
+denying of it.  I used to 'ave myself when I was at sea, but being close
+with their money is a fault as can seldom be brought ag'in 'em.
+
+I saved some money once--two golden sovereigns, owing to a 'ole in my
+pocket.  Before I got another ship I slept two nights on a doorstep and
+'ad nothing to eat, and I found them two sovereigns in the lining o' my
+coat when I was over two thousand miles away from the nearest pub.
+
+I on'y knew one miser all the years I was at sea.  Thomas Geary 'is name
+was, and we was shipmates aboard the barque _Grenada,_ homeward bound from
+Sydney to London.
+
+Thomas was a man that was getting into years; sixty, I think 'e was, and
+old enough to know better.  'E'd been saving 'ard for over forty years,
+and as near as we could make out 'e was worth a matter o' six 'undered
+pounds.  He used to be fond o' talking about it, and letting us know how
+much better off 'e was than any of the rest of us.
+
+We was about a month out from Sydney when old Thomas took sick.  Bill
+Hicks said that it was owing to a ha'penny he couldn't account for; but
+Walter Jones, whose family was always ill, and thought 'e knew a lot
+about it, said that 'e knew wot it was, but 'e couldn't remember the name
+of it, and that when we got to London and Thomas saw a doctor, we should
+see as 'ow 'e was right.
+
+Whatever it was the old man got worse and worse.  The skipper came down
+and gave 'im some physic and looked at 'is tongue, and then 'e looked at
+our tongues to see wot the difference was.  Then 'e left the cook in
+charge of 'im and went off.
+
+The next day Thomas was worse, and it was soon clear to everybody but 'im
+that 'e was slipping 'is cable.  He wouldn't believe it at first, though
+the cook told 'im, Bill Hicks told him, and Walter Jones 'ad a
+grandfather that went off in just the same way.
+
+"I'm not going to die," says Thomas "How can I die and leave all that
+money?"
+
+"It'll be good for your relations, Thomas," says Walter Jones.
+
+"I ain't got any," says the old man.
+
+"Well, your friends, then, Thomas," says Walter, soft-like.
+
+"Ain't got any," says the old man ag'in.
+
+"Yes, you 'ave, Thomas," says Walter, with a kind smile; "I could tell
+you one you've got."
+
+Thomas shut his eyes at 'im and began to talk pitiful about 'is money and
+the 'ard work 'e'd 'ad saving of it.  And by-and-by 'e got worse, and
+didn't reckernise us, but thought we was a pack o' greedy, drunken
+sailormen.  He thought Walter Jones was a shark, and told 'im so, and,
+try all 'e could, Walter couldn't persuade 'im different.
+
+He died the day arter.  In the morning 'e was whimpering about 'is money
+ag'in, and angry with Bill when 'e reminded 'im that 'e couldn't take it
+with 'im, and 'e made Bill promise that 'e should be buried just as 'e
+was.  Bill tucked him up arter that, and when 'e felt a canvas belt tied
+round the old man's waist 'e began to see wot 'e was driving at.
+
+The weather was dirty that day and there was a bit o' sea running,
+consequently all 'ands was on deck, and a boy about sixteen wot used to
+'elp the steward down aft was lookin' arter Thomas.  Me and Bill just run
+down to give a look at the old man in time.
+
+"I am going to take it with me, Bill," says the old man.
+
+"That's right," says Bill.
+
+"My mind's--easy now," says Thomas.  "I gave it to Jimmy--to--to--throw
+overboard for me."
+
+"Wot?" says Bill, staring.
+
+"That's right, Bill," says the boy.  "He told me to.  It was a little
+packet o' banknotes.  He gave me tuppence for doing it."
+
+Old Thomas seemed to be listening.  'Is eyes was open, and 'e looked
+artful at Bill to think what a clever thing 'e'd done.
+
+"Nobody's goin'-to spend-my money," 'e says.  "Nobody's"
+
+We drew back from 'is bunk and stood staring at 'im.  Then Bill turned to
+the boy.
+
+"Go and tell the skipper 'e's gone," 'e says, "and mind, for your own
+sake, don't tell the skipper or anybody else that you've thrown all that
+money overboard."
+
+"Why not?"  says Jimmy.
+
+"Becos you'll be locked up for it," says Bill; "you'd no business to do
+it.  You've been and broke the law.  It ought to ha' been left to
+somebody."
+
+Jimmy looked scared, and arter 'e was gone I turned to Bill, and I looks
+at 'im and I says "What's the little game, Bill?"
+
+"_Game_?"  said Bill, snorting at me.  "I don't want the pore boy to get
+into trouble, do I?  Pore little chap.  You was young yourself once."
+
+"Yes," I says; "but I'm a bit older now, Bill, and unless you tell me
+what your little game is, I shall tell the skipper myself, and the chaps
+too.  Pore old Thomas told 'im to do it, so where's the boy to blame?"
+
+"Do you think Jimmy did?"  says Bill, screwing up his nose at me.  "That
+little varmint is walking about worth six 'undered quid.  Now you keep
+your mouth shut and I'll make it worth your while."
+
+Then I see Bill's game.  "All right, I'll keep quiet for the sake of my
+half," I says, looking at 'im.
+
+I thought he'd ha' choked, and the langwidge 'e see fit to use was a'most
+as much as I could answer.
+
+"Very well, then," 'e says, at last, "halves it is.  It ain't robbery
+becos it belongs to nobody, and it ain't the boy's becos 'e was told to
+throw it overboard."
+
+They buried pore old Thomas next morning, and arter it was all over Bill
+put 'is 'and on the boy's shoulder as they walked for'ard and 'e says,
+"Poor old Thomas 'as gone to look for 'is money," he says; "wonder
+whether 'e'll find it!  Was it a big bundle, Jimmy?"
+
+"No," says the boy, shaking 'is 'ead.  "They was six 'undered pound notes
+and two sovereigns, and I wrapped the sovereigns up in the notes to make
+'em sink.  Fancy throwing money away like that, Bill: seems a sin, don't
+it?"
+
+Bill didn't answer 'im, and that afternoon the other chaps below being
+asleep we searched 'is bunk through and through without any luck, and at
+last Bill sat down and swore 'e must ha' got it about 'im.
+
+We waited till night, and when everybody was snoring 'ard we went over to
+the boy's bunk and went all through 'is pockets and felt the linings, and
+then we went back to our side and Bill said wot 'e thought about Jimmy in
+whispers.
+
+"He must ha' got it tied round 'is waist next to 'is skin, like Thomas
+'ad," I says.
+
+We stood there in the dark whispering, and then Bill couldn't stand it
+any longer, and 'e went over on tiptoe to the bunk ag'in.  He was
+tremblin' with excitement and I wasn't much better, when all of a sudden
+the cook sat up in 'is bunk with a dreadful laughing scream and called
+out that somebody was ticklin' 'im.
+
+I got into my bunk and Bill got into 'is, and we lay there listening
+while the cook, who was a terrible ticklish man, leaned out of 'is bunk
+and said wot 'e'd do if it 'appened ag'in.
+
+"Go to sleep," says Walter Jones; "you're dreamin'.  Who d'you think
+would want to tickle you?"
+
+"I tell you," says the cook, "somebody come over and tickled me with a
+'and the size of a leg o' mutton.  I feel creepy all over."
+
+Bill gave it up for that night, but the next day 'e pretended to think
+Jimmy was gettin' fat an' 'e caught 'old of 'im and prodded 'im all over.
+He thought 'e felt something round 'is waist, but 'e couldn't be sure,
+and Jimmy made such a noise that the other chaps interfered and told Bill
+to leave 'im alone. For a whole week we tried to find that money, and
+couldn't, and Bill said it was a suspicious thing that Jimmy kept aft a
+good deal more than 'e used to, and 'e got an idea that the boy might ha'
+'idden it somewhere there.  At the end of that time, 'owever, owing to
+our being short-'anded, Jimmy was sent for'ard to work as ordinary
+seaman, and it began to be quite noticeable the way 'e avoided Bill.
+
+At last one day we got 'im alone down the fo'c'sle, and Bill put 'is arm
+round 'im and got im on the locker and asked 'im straight out where the
+money was.
+
+"Why, I chucked it overboard," he says.  "I told you so afore.  What a
+memory you've got, Bill!"
+
+Bill picked 'im up and laid 'im on the locker, and we searched 'im
+thoroughly.  We even took 'is boots off, and then we 'ad another look in
+'is bunk while 'e was putting 'em on ag'in.
+
+"If you're innercent," says Bill, "why don't you call out?--eh?"
+
+"Because you told me not to say anything about it, Bill," says the boy.
+"But I will next time.  Loud, I will."
+
+"Look 'ere," says Bill, "you tell us where it is, and the three of us'll
+go shares in it.  That'll be two 'undered pounds each, and we'll tell you
+'ow to get yours changed without getting caught.  We're cleverer than you
+are, you know."
+
+"I know that, Bill," says the boy; "but it's no good me telling you lies.
+I chucked it overboard."
+
+"Very good, then," says Bill, getting up.  "I'm going to tell the
+skipper."
+
+"Tell 'im," says Jimmy.  "I don't care."
+
+"Then you'll be searched arter you've stepped ashore," says Bill, "and
+you won't be allowed on the ship ag'in.  You'll lose it all by being
+greedy, whereas if you go shares with us you'll 'ave two 'undered
+pounds."
+
+I could see as 'ow the boy 'adn't thought o' that, and try as 'e would 'e
+couldn't 'ide 'is feelin's.  He called Bill a red-nosed shark, and 'e
+called me somethin' I've forgotten now.
+
+"Think it over," says Bill; "mind, you'll be collared as soon as you've
+left the gangway and searched by the police."
+
+"And will they tickle the cook too, I wonder?"  says Jimmy, savagely.
+
+"And if they find it you'll go to prison," says Bill, giving 'im a clump
+o' the side o' the 'ead, "and you won't like that, I can tell you."
+
+"Why, ain't it nice, Bill?"  says Jimmy, holding 'is ear.
+
+Bill looked at 'im and then 'e steps to the ladder.  "I'm not going to
+talk to you any more, my lad," 'e says.  "I'm going to tell the skipper."
+
+He went up slowly, and just as 'e reached the deck Jimmy started up and
+called 'im.  Bill pretended not to 'ear, and the boy ran up on deck and
+follered 'im; and arter a little while they both came down again
+together.
+
+"Did you wish to speak to me, my lad?"  says Bill, 'olding 'is 'ead up.
+
+"Yes," says the boy, fiddling with 'is fingers; "if you keep your ugly
+mouth shut, we'll go shares."
+
+"Ho!"  says Bill, "I thought you throwed it overboard!"
+
+"I thought so, too, Bill," says Jimmy, very softly, "and when I came
+below ag'in I found it in my trousers pocket."
+
+"Where is it now?"  says Bill.
+
+"Never mind where it is," says the boy; "you couldn't get it if I was to
+tell you.  It'll take me all my time to do it myself."
+
+"Where is it?"  says Bill, ag'in.  "I'm goin' to take care of it.  I
+won't trust you."
+
+"And I can't trust you," says Jimmy.
+
+"If you don't tell me where it is this minute," says Bill, moving to the
+ladder ag'in, "I'm off to tell the skipper.  I want it in my 'ands, or at
+any rate my share of it.  Why not share it out now?"
+
+"Because I 'aven't got it," says Jimmy, stamping 'is foot, "that's why,
+and it's all your silly fault.  Arter you came pawing through my pockets
+when you thought I was asleep I got frightened and 'id it."
+
+"Where?"  says Bill.
+
+"In the second mate's mattress," says Jimmy.  "I was tidying up down aft
+and I found a 'ole in the underneath side of 'is mattress and I shoved it
+in there, and poked it in with a bit o' stick."
+
+"And 'ow are you going to get it?"  says Bill, scratching 'is 'ead.
+
+"That's wot I don't know, seeing that I'm not allowed aft now," says
+Jimmy.  "One of us'll 'ave to make a dash for it when we get to London.
+And mind if there's any 'ankypanky on your part, Bill, I'll give the show
+away myself."
+
+The cook came down just then and we 'ad to leave off talking, and I could
+see that Bill was so pleased at finding that the money 'adn't been thrown
+overboard that 'e was losing sight o' the difficulty o' getting at it.
+In a day or two, 'owever, 'e see it as plain as me and Jimmy did, and, as
+time went by, he got desprit, and frightened us both by 'anging about aft
+every chance 'e got.
+
+The companion-way faced the wheel, and there was about as much chance o'
+getting down there without being seen as there would be o' taking a man's
+false teeth out of 'is mouth without 'is knowing it.  Jimmy went down one
+day while Bill was at the wheel to look for 'is knife, wot 'e thought
+'e'd left down there, and 'ed 'ardly got down afore Bill saw 'im come up
+ag'in, 'olding on to the top of a mop which the steward was using.
+
+We couldn't figure it out nohow, and to think o' the second mate, a
+little man with a large fam'ly, who never 'ad a penny in 'is pocket,
+sleeping every night on a six 'undered pound mattress, sent us pretty
+near crazy.  We used to talk it over whenever we got a chance, and Bill
+and Jimmy could scarcely be civil to each other.  The boy said it was
+Bill's fault, and 'e said it was the boy's.
+
+"The on'y thing I can see," says the boy, one day, "is for Bill to 'ave a
+touch of sunstroke as 'e's leaving the wheel one day, tumble 'ead-first
+down the companion-way, and injure 'isself so severely that 'e can't be
+moved.  Then they'll put 'im in a cabin down aft, and p'raps I'll 'ave to
+go and nurse 'im.  Anyway, he'll be down there."
+
+"It's a very good idea, Bill," I says.
+
+"Ho," says Bill, looking at me as if 'e would eat me.  "Why don't you do
+it, then?"
+
+"I'd sooner you did it, Bill," says the boy; "still, I don't mind which
+it is.  Why not toss up for it?"
+
+"Get away," says Bill.  "Get away afore I do something you won't like,
+you blood-thirsty little murderer."
+
+"I've got a plan myself," he says, in a low voice, after the boy 'ad
+'opped off, "and if I can't think of nothing better I'll try it, and
+mind, not a word to the boy."
+
+He didn't think o' nothing better, and one night just as we was making
+the Channel 'e tried 'is plan.  He was in the second mate's watch, and
+by-and-by 'e leans over the wheel and says to 'im in a low voice, "This
+is my last v'y'ge, sir."
+
+"Oh," says the second mate, who was a man as didn't mind talking to a man
+before the mast.  "How's that?"
+
+"I've got a berth ashore, sir," says Bill, "and I wanted to ask a favour,
+sir."
+
+The second mate growled and walked off a pace or two.
+
+"I've never been so 'appy as I've been on this ship," says Bill; "none of
+us 'ave.  We was saying so the other night, and everybody agreed as it
+was owing to you, sir, and your kindness to all of us."
+
+The second mate coughed, but Bill could see as 'e was a bit pleased.
+
+"The feeling came over me," says Bill, "that when I leave the sea for
+good I'd like to 'ave something o' yours to remember you by, sir.  And it
+seemed to me that if I 'ad your--mattress I should think of you ev'ry
+night o' my life."
+
+"My wot?" says the second mate, staring at 'im. "Your mattress, sir,"
+says Bill.  "If I might make so bold as to offer a pound for it, sir.  I
+want something wot's been used by you, and I've got a fancy for that as a
+keepsake." The second mate shook 'is 'ead.  "I'm sorry, Bill," 'e says,
+gently, "but I couldn't let it go at that."
+
+"I'd sooner pay thirty shillin's than not 'ave it, sir," says Bill,
+'umbly.
+
+"I gave a lot of money for that mattress," says the mate, ag'in.  "I
+forgit 'ow much, but a lot.  You don't know 'ow valuable that mattress
+is."
+
+"I know it's a good one, sir, else you wouldn't 'ave it," says Bill.
+"Would a couple o' pounds buy it, sir?"
+
+The second mate hum'd and ha'd, but Bill was afeard to go any 'igher.  So
+far as 'e could make out from Jimmy, the mattress was worth about
+eighteen pence--to anybody who wasn't pertiklar.
+
+"I've slept on that mattress for years," says the second mate, looking at
+'im from the corner of 'is eye.  "I don't believe I could sleep on
+another.  Still, to oblige you, Bill, you shall 'ave it at that if you
+don't want it till we go ashore?"
+
+"Thankee, sir," says Bill, 'ardly able to keep from dancing, "and I'll
+'and over the two pounds when we're paid off.  I shall keep it all my
+life, sir, in memory of you and your kindness."
+
+"And mind you keep quiet about it," says the second mate, who didn't want
+the skipper to know wot 'e'd been doing, "because I don't want to be
+bothered by other men wanting to buy things as keepsakes."
+
+Bill promised 'im like a shot, and when 'e told me about it 'e was nearly
+crying with joy.
+
+"And mind," 'e says, "I've bought that mattress, bought it as it stands,
+and it's got nothing to do with Jimmy.  We'll each pay a pound and halve
+wot's in it."
+
+He persuaded me at last, but that boy watched us like a cat watching a
+couple of canaries, and I could see we should 'ave all we could do to
+deceive 'im.  He seemed more suspicious o' Bill than me, and 'e kep'
+worrying us nearly every day to know what we were going to do.
+
+We beat about in the channel with a strong 'ead-wind for four days, and
+then a tug picked us up and towed us to London.
+
+The excitement of that last little bit was 'orrible.  Fust of all we 'ad
+got to get the mattress, and then in some way we 'ad got to get rid o'
+Jimmy.  Bill's idea was for me to take 'im ashore with me and tell 'im
+that Bill would join us arterwards, and then lose 'im; but I said that
+till I'd got my share I couldn't bear to lose sight o' Bill's honest face
+for 'alf a second.
+
+And, besides, Jimmy wouldn't 'ave gone.
+
+All the way up the river 'e stuck to Bill, and kept asking 'im wot we
+were to do.  'E was 'alf crying, and so excited that Bill was afraid the
+other chaps would notice it.
+
+We got to our berth in the East India Docks at last, and arter we were
+made fast we went below to 'ave a wash and change into our shoregoing
+togs.  Jimmy watched us all the time, and then 'e comes up to Bill biting
+'is nails, and says:
+
+"How's it to be done, Bill?"
+
+"Hang about arter the rest 'ave gone ashore, and trust to luck," says
+Bill, looking at me.  "We'll see 'ow the land lays when we draw our
+advance."
+
+We went down aft to draw ten shillings each to go ashore with.  Bill and
+me got ours fust, and then the second mate who 'ad tipped 'im the wink
+followed us out unconcerned-like and 'anded Bill the mattress rolled up
+in a sack.
+
+"'Ere you are, Bill," 'e says.
+
+"Much obliged, sir," says Bill, and 'is 'ands trembled so as 'e could
+'ardly 'old it, and 'e made to go off afore Jimmy come on deck.
+
+Then that fool of a mate kept us there while 'e made a little speech.
+Twice Bill made to go off, but 'e put 'is 'and on 'is arm and kept 'im
+there while 'e told 'im 'ow he'd always tried to be liked by the men, and
+'ad generally succeeded, and in the middle of it up popped Master Jimmy.
+
+He gave a start as he saw the bag, and 'is eyes opened wide, and then as
+we walked forward 'e put 'is arm through Bill's and called 'im all the
+names 'e could think of.
+
+"You'd steal the milk out of a cat's saucer," 'e says; "but mind, you
+don't leave this ship till I've got my share."
+
+"I meant it for a pleasant surprise for you, Jimmy," says Bill, trying to
+smile.
+
+"I don't like your surprises, Bill, so I don't deceive you," says the
+boy.  "Where are you going to open it?"
+
+"I was thinking of opening it in my bunk," says Bill.  "The perlice might
+want to examine it if we took it through the dock.  Come on, Jimmy, old
+man."
+
+"Yes; all right," says the boy, nodding 'is 'ead at 'im.  "I'll stay up
+'ere.  You might forget yourself, Bill, if I trusted myself down there
+with you alone.  You can throw my share up to me, and then you'll leave
+the ship afore I do.  See?"
+
+"Go to blazes," says Bill; and then, seeing that the last chance 'ad
+gone, we went below, and 'e chucked the bundle in 'is bunk.  There was
+only one chap down there, and arter spending best part o' ten minutes
+doing 'is hair 'e nodded to us and went off.
+
+Half a minute later Bill cut open the mattress and began to search
+through the stuffing, while I struck matches and watched 'im.  It wasn't
+a big mattress and there wasn't much stuffing, but we couldn't seem to
+see that money.  Bill went all over it ag'in and ag'in, and then 'e stood
+up and looked at me and caught 'is breath painful.
+
+"Do you think the mate found it?" 'e says, in a 'usky voice.
+
+We went through it ag'in, and then Bill went half-way up the fo'c's'le
+ladder and called softly for Jimmy.  He called three times, and then,
+with a sinking sensation in 'is stummick, 'e went up on deck and I
+follered 'im.  The boy was nowhere to be seen.  All we saw was the ship's
+cat 'aving a wash and brush-up afore going ashore, and the skipper
+standing aft talking to the owner.
+
+We never saw that boy ag'in.  He never turned up for 'is box, and 'e
+didn't show up to draw 'is pay.  Everybody else was there, of course, and
+arter I'd got mine and come outside I see pore Bill with 'is back up
+ag'in a wall, staring 'ard at the second mate, who was looking at 'im
+with a kind smile, and asking 'im 'ow he'd slept.  The last thing I saw
+of Bill, the pore chap 'ad got 'is 'ands in 'is trousers pockets, and was
+trying 'is hardest to smile back.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill's Paper Chase, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12123 ***