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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12121 ***
+
+THE LADY OF THE BARGE
+
+AND OTHER STORIES
+
+By W. W. Jacobs
+
+
+
+
+THE LADY OF THE BARGE
+
+
+The master of the barge Arabella sat in the stern of his craft with his
+right arm leaning on the tiller.  A desultory conversation with the mate
+of a schooner, who was hanging over the side of his craft a few yards
+off, had come to a conclusion owing to a difference of opinion on the
+subject of religion.  The skipper had argued so warmly that he almost
+fancied he must have inherited the tenets of the Seventh-day Baptists
+from his mother while the mate had surprised himself by the warmth of his
+advocacy of a form of Wesleyanism which would have made the members of
+that sect open their eyes with horror.  He had, moreover, confirmed the
+skipper in the error of his ways by calling him a bargee, the ranks of
+the Baptists receiving a defender if not a recruit from that hour.
+
+With the influence of the religious argument still upon him, the skipper,
+as the long summer's day gave place to night, fell to wondering where his
+own mate, who was also his brother-in-law, had got to.  Lights which had
+been struggling with the twilight now burnt bright and strong, and the
+skipper, moving from the shadow to where a band of light fell across the
+deck, took out a worn silver watch and saw that it was ten o'clock.
+
+Almost at the same moment a dark figure appeared on the jetty above and
+began to descend the ladder, and a strongly built young man of twenty-two
+sprang nimbly to the deck.
+
+"Ten o'clock, Ted," said the skipper, slowly.  "It 'll be eleven in an
+hour's time," said the mate, calmly.
+
+"That 'll do," said the skipper, in a somewhat loud voice, as he noticed
+that his late adversary still occupied his favourite strained position,
+and a fortuitous expression of his mother's occurred to him: "Don't talk
+to me; I've been arguing with a son of Belial for the last half-hour."
+
+"Bargee," said the son of Belial, in a dispassionate voice.
+
+"Don't take no notice of him, Ted," said the skipper, pityingly.
+
+"He wasn't talking to me," said Ted.  "But never mind about him; I want
+to speak to you in private."
+
+"Fire away, my lad," said the other, in a patronizing voice.
+
+"Speak up," said the voice from the schooner, encouragingly.  "I'm
+listening."
+
+There was no reply from the bargee.  The master led the way to the cabin,
+and lighting a lamp, which appealed to more senses than one, took a seat
+on a locker, and again requested the other to fire away.
+
+"Well, you see, it's this way," began the mate, with a preliminary
+wriggle: "there's a certain young woman--"
+
+"A certain young what?" shouted the master of the Arabella.
+
+"Woman," repeated the mate, snappishly; "you've heard of a woman afore,
+haven't you?  Well, there's a certain young woman I'm walking out
+with I--"
+
+"Walking out?"  gasped the skipper.  "Why, I never 'eard o' such a
+thing."
+
+"You would ha' done if you'd been better looking, p'raps," retorted the
+other.  "Well, I've offered this young woman to come for a trip with us."
+
+"Oh, you have, 'ave you!"  said the skipper, sharply.  "And what do you
+think Louisa will say to it?"
+
+"That's your look out," said Louisa's brother, cheerfully.  "I'll make
+her up a bed for'ard, and we'll all be as happy as you please."
+
+He started suddenly.  The mate of the schooner was indulging in a series
+of whistles of the most amatory description.
+
+"There she is," he said.  "I told her to wait outside."
+
+He ran upon deck, and his perturbed brother-in-law, following at his
+leisure, was just in time to see him descending the ladder with a young
+woman and a small handbag.
+
+"This is my brother-in-law, Cap'n Gibbs," said Ted, introducing the new
+arrival; "smartest man at a barge on the river."
+
+The girl extended a neatly gloved hand, shook the skipper's affably, and
+looked wonderingly about her.
+
+"It's very close to the water, Ted," she said, dubiously.
+
+The skipper coughed.  "We don't take passengers as a rule," he said,
+awkwardly; "we 'ain't got much convenience for them."
+
+"Never mind," said the girl, kindly; "I sha'nt expect too much."
+
+She turned away, and following the mate down to the cabin, went into
+ecstasies over the space-saving contrivances she found there.  The
+drawers fitted in the skipper's bunk were a source of particular
+interest, and the owner watched with strong disapprobation through the
+skylight her efforts to make him an apple-pie bed with the limited means
+at her disposal.  He went down below at once as a wet blanket.
+
+"I was just shaking your bed up a bit," said Miss Harris, reddening.
+
+"I see you was," said the skipper, briefly.
+
+He tried to pluck up courage to tell her that he couldn't take her, but
+only succeeded in giving vent to an inhospitable cough.
+
+"I'll get the supper," said the mate, suddenly; "you sit down, old man,
+and talk to Lucy."
+
+In honour of the visitor he spread a small cloth, and then proceeded to
+produce cold beef, pickles, and accessories in a manner which reminded
+Miss Harris of white rabbits from a conjurer's hat.  Captain Gibbs,
+accepting the inevitable, ate his supper in silence and left them to
+their glances.
+
+"We must make you up a bed, for'ard, Lucy," said the mate, when they had
+finished.
+
+Miss Harris started.  "Where's that?"  she inquired.
+
+"Other end o' the boat," replied the mate, gathering up some bedding
+under his arm.  "You might bring a lantern, John."
+
+The skipper, who was feeling more sociable after a couple of glasses of
+beer, complied, and accompanied the couple to the tiny forecastle.  A
+smell compounded of bilge, tar, paint, and other healthy disinfectants
+emerged as the scuttle was pushed back.  The skipper dangled the lantern
+down and almost smiled.
+
+"I can't sleep there," said the girl, with decision.  "I shall die o'
+fright."
+
+"You'll get used to it," said Ted, encouragingly, as he helped her down;
+"it's quite dry and comfortable."
+
+He put his arm round her waist and squeezed her hand, and aided by this
+moral support, Miss Harris not only consented to remain, but found
+various advantages in the forecastle over the cabin, which had escaped
+the notice of previous voyagers.
+
+"I'll leave you the lantern," said the mate, making it fast, "and we
+shall be on deck most o' the night.  We get under way at two."
+
+He quitted the forecastle, followed by the skipper, after a polite but
+futile attempt to give him precedence, and made his way to the cabin for
+two or three hours' sleep.
+
+"There'll be a row at the other end, Ted," said the skipper, nervously,
+as he got into his bunk.  "Louisa's sure to blame me for letting you keep
+company with a gal like this.  We was talking about you only the other
+day, and she said if you was married five years from now, it 'ud be quite
+soon enough."
+
+"Let Loo mind her own business," said the mate, sharply; "she's not going
+to nag me.  She's not my wife, thank goodness!"
+
+He turned over and fell fast asleep, waking up fresh and bright three
+hours later, to commence what he fondly thought would be the pleasantest
+voyage of his life.
+
+The Arabella dropped slowly down with the tide, the wind being so light
+that she was becalmed by every tall warehouse on the way.  Off Greenwich,
+however, the breeze freshened somewhat, and a little later Miss Harris,
+looking somewhat pale as to complexion and untidy as to hair, came slowly
+on deck.
+
+"Where's the looking-glass?"  she asked, as Ted hastened to greet her.
+"How does my hair look?"
+
+"All wavy," said the infatuated young man; "all little curls and
+squiggles.  Come down in the cabin; there's a glass there."
+
+Miss Harris, with a light nod to the skipper as he sat at the tiller,
+followed the mate below, and giving vent to a little cry of indignation
+as she saw herself in the glass, waved the amorous Ted on deck, and
+started work on her disarranged hair.
+
+At breakfast-time a little friction was caused by what the mate bitterly
+termed the narrow-minded, old-fashioned ways of the skipper.  He had
+arranged that the skipper should steer while he and Miss Harris
+breakfasted, but the coffee was no sooner on the table than the skipper
+called him, and relinquishing the helm in his favour, went below to do
+the honours.  The mate protested.
+
+"It's not proper," said the skipper.  "Me and 'er will 'ave our meals
+together, and then you must have yours.  She's under my care."
+
+Miss Harris assented blithely, and talk and laughter greeted the ears of
+the indignant mate as he steered.  He went down at last to cold coffee
+and lukewarm herrings, returning to the deck after a hurried meal to find
+the skipper narrating some of his choicest experiences to an audience
+which hung on his lightest word.
+
+The disregard they showed for his feelings was maddening, and for the
+first time in his life he became a prey to jealousy in its worst form.
+It was quite clear to him that the girl had become desperately enamoured
+of the skipper, and he racked his brain in a wild effort to discover the
+reason.
+
+With an idea of reminding his brother-in-law of his position, he alluded
+two or three times in a casual fashion to his wife.  The skipper hardly
+listened to him, and patting Miss Harris's cheek in a fatherly manner,
+regaled her with an anecdote of the mate's boyhood which the latter had
+spent a goodly portion of his life in denying.  He denied it again,
+hotly, and Miss Harris, conquering for a time her laughter, reprimanded
+him severely for contradicting.
+
+By the time dinner was ready he was in a state of sullen apathy, and when
+the meal was over and the couple came on deck again, so far forgot
+himself as to compliment Miss Harris upon her appetite.
+
+"I'm ashamed of you, Ted," said the skipper, with severity.
+
+"I'm glad you know what shame is," retorted the mate.
+
+"If you can't be'ave yourself, you'd better keep a bit for'ard till you
+get in a better temper," continued the skipper.
+
+"I'll be pleased to," said the smarting mate.  "I wish the barge was
+longer."
+
+"It couldn't be too long for me," said Miss Harris, tossing her head.
+
+"Be'aving like a schoolboy," murmured the skipper.
+
+"I know how to behave _my_-self," said the mate, as he disappeared below.
+His head suddenly appeared again over the companion.  "If some people
+don't," he added, and disappeared again.
+
+He was pleased to notice as he ate his dinner that the giddy prattle
+above had ceased, and with his back turned toward the couple when he
+appeared on deck again, he lounged slowly forward until the skipper
+called him back again.
+
+"Wot was them words you said just now, Ted?" he inquired.
+
+The mate repeated them with gusto.
+
+"Very good," said the skipper, sharply; "very good."
+
+"Don't you ever speak to me again," said Miss Harris, with a stately air,
+"because I won't answer you if you do."
+
+The mate displayed more of his schoolboy nature.  "Wait till you're
+spoken to," he said, rudely.  "This is your gratefulness, I suppose?"
+
+"Gratefulness?" said Miss Harris, with her chin in the air.  "What for?"
+
+"For bringing you for a trip," replied the mate, sternly.
+
+"You bringing me for a trip!" said Miss Harris, scornfully.  "Captain
+Gibbs is the master here, I suppose.  He is giving me the trip.  You're
+only the mate."
+
+"Just so," said the mate, with a grin at his brother-in-law, which made
+that worthy shift uneasily.  "I wonder what Loo will say when she sees
+you with a lady aboard?"
+
+"She came to please you," said Captain Gibbs, with haste.
+
+"Ho!  she did, did she?" jeered the mate.  "Prove it; only don't look to
+me to back you, that's all."
+
+The other eyed him in consternation, and his manner changed.
+
+"Don't play the fool, Ted," he said, not unkindly; "you know what Loo
+is."
+
+"Well, I'm reckoning on that," said the mate, deliberately.  "I'm going
+for'ard; don't let me interrupt you two.  So long."
+
+He went slowly forward, and lighting his pipe, sprawled carelessly on the
+deck, and renounced the entire sex forthwith.  At teatime the skipper
+attempted to reverse the procedure at the other meals; but as Miss Harris
+steadfastly declined to sit at the same table as the mate, his good
+intentions came to naught.
+
+He made an appeal to what he termed the mate's better nature, after Miss
+Harris had retired to the seclusion of her bed-chamber, but in vain.
+
+"She's nothing to do with me," declared the mate, majestically.  "I wash
+my hands of her.  She's a flirt.  I'm like Louisa, I can't bear flirts."
+
+The skipper said no more, but his face was so worn that Miss Harris, when
+she came on deck in the early morning and found the barge gliding gently
+between the grassy banks of a river, attributed it to the difficulty of
+navigating so large a craft on so small and winding a stream.
+
+"We shall be alongside in 'arf an hour," said the skipper, eyeing her.
+
+Miss Harris expressed her gratification.
+
+"P'raps you wouldn't mind going down the fo'c'sle and staying there till
+we've made fast," said the other.  "I'd take it as a favour.  My owners
+don't like me to carry passengers."
+
+Miss Harris, who understood perfectly, said, "Certainly," and with a cold
+stare at the mate, who was at no pains to conceal his amusement, went
+below at once, thoughtfully closing the scuttle after her.
+
+"There's no call to make mischief, Ted," said the skipper, somewhat
+anxiously, as they swept round the last bend and came into view of
+Coalsham.
+
+The mate said nothing, but stood by to take in sail as they ran swiftly
+toward the little quay.  The pace slackened, and the Arabella, as though
+conscious of the contraband in her forecastle, crept slowly to where a
+stout, middle-aged woman, who bore a strong likeness to the mate, stood
+upon the quay.
+
+"There's poor Loo," said the mate, with a sigh.
+
+The skipper made no reply to this infernal insinuation.  The barge ran
+alongside the quay and made fast.
+
+"I thought you'd be up," said Mrs. Gibbs to her husband.  "Now come along
+to breakfast; Ted 'll follow on."
+
+Captain Gibbs, dived down below for his coat, and slipping ashore,
+thankfully prepared to move off with his wife.
+
+"Come on as soon as you can, Ted," said the latter.  "Why, what on earth
+is he making that face for?"
+
+She turned in amazement as her brother, making a pretence of catching her
+husband's eye, screwed his face up into a note of interrogation and gave
+a slight jerk with his thumb.
+
+"Come along," said Captain Gibbs, taking her arm with much affection.
+
+"But what's Ted looking like that for?"  demanded his wife, as she easily
+intercepted another choice facial expression of the mate's.
+
+"Oh, it's his fun," replied her husband, walking on.
+
+"Fun?" repeated Mrs. Gibbs, sharply.  "What's the matter, Ted."
+
+"Nothing," replied the mate.
+
+"Touch o' toothache," said the skipper.  "Come along, Loo; I can just do
+with one o' your breakfasts."
+
+Mrs. Gibbs suffered herself to be led on, and had got at least five yards
+on the way home, when she turned and looked back.  The mate had still got
+the toothache, and was at that moment in all the agonies of a phenomenal
+twinge.
+
+"There's something wrong here," said Mrs. Gibbs as she retraced her
+steps.  "Ted, what are you making that face for?"
+
+"It's my own face," said the mate, evasively.
+
+Mrs. Gibbs conceded the point, and added bitterly that it couldn't be
+helped.  All the same she wanted to know what he meant by it.
+
+"Ask John," said the vindictive mate.
+
+Mrs. Gibbs asked.  Her husband said he didn't know, and added that Ted
+had been like it before, but he had not told her for fear of frightening
+her.  Then he tried to induce her to go with him to the chemist's to get
+something for it.
+
+Mrs. Gibbs shook her head firmly, and boarding the barge, took a seat on
+the hatch and proceeded to catechise her brother as to his symptoms.  He
+denied that there was anything the matter with him, while his eyes openly
+sought those of Captain Gibbs as though asking for instruction.
+
+"You come home, Ted," she said at length.
+
+"I can't," said the mate.  "I can't leave the ship."
+
+"Why not?" demanded his sister.
+
+"Ask John," said the mate again.
+
+At this Mrs. Gibbs's temper, which had been rising, gave way altogether,
+and she stamped fiercely upon the deck.  A stamp of the foot has been for
+all time a rough-and-ready means of signalling; the fore-scuttle was
+drawn back, and the face of a young and pretty girl appeared framed in
+the opening.  The mate raised his eyebrows with a helpless gesture, and
+as for the unfortunate skipper, any jury would have found him guilty
+without leaving the box.  The wife of his bosom, with a flaming visage,
+turned and regarded him.
+
+
+[Illustration: "YOU VILLAIN!" SHE, SAID, IN A CHOKING VOICE]
+
+
+"You villain!"  she said, in a choking voice.
+
+Captain Gibbs caught his breath and looked appealingly at the mate.
+
+"It's a little surprise for you, my dear," he faltered, "it's Ted's young
+lady."
+
+"Nothing of the kind," said the mate, sharply.
+
+"It's not?  How dare you say such a thing?"  demanded Miss Harris,
+stepping on to the deck.
+
+"Well, you brought her aboard, Ted, you know you did," pleaded the
+unhappy skipper.
+
+The mate did not deny it, but his face was so full of grief and surprise
+that the other's heart sank within him.
+
+"All right," said the mate at last; "have it your own way."
+
+"Hold your tongue, Ted," shouted Mrs. Gibbs; "you're trying to shield
+him."
+
+"I tell you Ted brought her aboard, and they had a lover's quarrel," said
+her unhappy spouse.  "It's nothing to do with me at all."
+
+"And that's why you told me Ted had got the toothache, and tried to get
+me off to the chemist's, I s'pose," retorted his wife, with virulence.
+"Do you think I'm a fool?  How dare you ask a young woman on this barge?
+How dare you?"
+
+"I didn't ask her," said her husband.
+
+"I s'pose she came without being asked," sneered his wife, turning her
+regards to the passenger; "she looks the sort that might.  You brazen-
+faced girl!"
+
+"Here, go easy, Loo," interrupted the mate, flushing as he saw the girl's
+pale face.
+
+"Mind your own business," said his sister, violently.
+
+"It is my business," said the repentant mate.  "I brought her aboard, and
+then we quarrelled."
+
+"I've no doubt," said his sister, bitterly; "it's very pretty, but it
+won't do."
+
+"I swear it's the truth," said the mate.
+
+"Why did John keep it so quiet and hide her for, then?"  demanded his
+sister.
+
+"I came down for the trip," said Miss Harris; "that is all about it.
+There is nothing to make a fuss about.  How much is it, Captain Gibbs?"
+
+She produced a little purse from her pocket, but before the embarrassed
+skipper could reply, his infuriated wife struck it out of her hand.  The
+mate sprang instinctively forward, but too late, and the purse fell with
+a splash into the water.  The girl gave a faint cry and clasped her
+hands.
+
+"How am I to get back?"  she gasped.
+
+"I'll see to that, Lucy," said the mate.  "I'm very sorry--I've been a
+brute."
+
+"You?"  said the indignant girl.  "I would sooner drown myself than be
+beholden to you."
+
+"I'm very sorry," repeated the mate, humbly.
+
+"There's enough of this play-acting," interposed Mrs. Gibbs.  "Get off
+this barge."
+
+"You stay where you are," said the mate, authoritatively.
+
+"Send that girl off this barge," screamed Mrs. Gibbs to her husband.
+
+Captain Gibbs smiled in a silly fashion and scratched his head.  "Where
+is she to go?"  he asked feebly.
+
+"Wh'at does it matter to you where she goes?"  cried his wife, fiercely.
+"Send her off."
+
+The girl eyed her haughtily, and repulsing the mate as he strove to
+detain her, stepped to the side.  Then she paused as he suddenly threw
+off his coat, and sitting down on the hatch, hastily removed his boots.
+The skipper, divining his intentions, seized him by the arm.
+
+"Don't be a fool, Ted," he gasped; "you'll get under the barge."
+
+The mate shook him off, and went in with a splash which half drowned his
+adviser.  Miss Harris, clasping her hands, ran to the side and gazed
+fearfully at the spot where he had disappeared, while his sister in a
+terrible voice seized the opportunity to point out to her husband the
+probably fatal results of his ill-doing.  There was an anxious interval,
+and then the mate's head appeared above the water, and after a breathing-
+space disappeared again.  The skipper, watching uneasily, stood by with a
+lifebelt.
+
+"Come out, Ted," screamed his sister as he came up for breath again.
+
+The mate disappeared once more, but coming up for the third time, hung on
+to the side of the barge to recover a bit.  A clothed man in the water
+savours of disaster and looks alarming.  Miss Harris began to cry.
+
+"You'll be drowned," she whimpered.
+
+"Come out," said Mrs. Gibbs, in a raspy voice.  She knelt on the deck and
+twined her fingers in his hair.  The mate addressed her in terms rendered
+brotherly by pain.
+
+"Never mind about the purse," sobbed Miss Harris; "it doesn't matter."
+
+"Will you make it up if I come out, then," demanded the diver.
+
+"No; I'll never speak to you again as long as I live," said the girl,
+passionately.
+
+The mate disappeared again.  This time he was out of sight longer than
+usual, and when he came up merely tossed his arms weakly and went down
+again.  There was a scream from the women, and a mighty splash as the
+skipper went overboard with a life-belt.  The mate's head, black and
+shining, showed for a moment; the skipper grabbed him by the hair and
+towed him to the barge's side, and in the midst of a considerable hubbub
+both men were drawn from the water.
+
+The skipper shook himself like a dog, but the mate lay on the deck inert
+in a puddle of water.  Mrs. Gibbs frantically slapped his hands; and Miss
+Harris, bending over him, rendered first aid by kissing him wildly.
+
+Captain Gibbs pushed her away.  "He won't come round while you're
+a-kissing of him," he cried, roughly.
+
+To his indignant surprise the drowned man opened one eye and winked
+acquiescence.  The skipper dropped his arms by his side and stared at him
+stupidly.
+
+"I saw his eyelid twitch," cried Mrs. Gibbs, joyfully.
+
+"He's all right," said her indignant husband; "'e ain't born to be
+drowned, 'e ain't.  I've spoilt a good suit of clothes for nothing."
+
+To his wife's amazement, he actually walked away from the insensible man,
+and with a boathook reached for his hat, which was floating by.  Mrs.
+Gibbs, still gazing in blank astonishment, caught a seraphic smile on the
+face of her brother as Miss Harris continued her ministrations, and in a
+pardonable fit of temper the overwrought woman gave him a box on the ear,
+which brought him round at once.
+
+"Where am I?"  he inquired, artlessly.
+
+Mrs. Gibbs told him.  She also told him her opinion of him, and without
+plagiarizing her husband's words, came to the same conclusion as to his
+ultimate fate.
+
+"You come along home with me," she said, turning in a friendly fashion to
+the bewildered girl.  "They deserve what they've got--both of 'em.  I
+only hope that they'll both get such awful colds that they won't find
+their voices for a twelvemonth."
+
+She took the girl by the arm and helped her ashore.  They turned their
+heads once in the direction of the barge, and saw the justly incensed
+skipper keeping the mate's explanations and apologies at bay with a boat-
+hook.  Then they went in to breakfast.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Lady of the Barge, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12121 ***