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diff --git a/old/11571-0.txt b/old/11571-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c718bb8 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11571-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9093 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Punch's History of the Great War, by Punch + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Mr. Punch's History of the Great War + +Author: Punch + +Release Date: March 14, 2004 [EBook #11571] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH'S HISTORY OF THE WAR *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Susan Skinner and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +Mr. PUNCH'S + +HISTORY OF THE GREAT WAR + +1919 + + +First Impression July 1919 +Second " July 1919 +Third " August 1919 +Fourth " August 1919 +Fifth " September 1919 +Sixth " October 1919 +Seventh " October 1919 + + + +[Illustration: PEACE--THE SOWER] + + +TO THE READER + + + _For whatsoever worth or wit appears + In this mixed record of five hectic years, + This tale of heroes, heroines--and others-- + Thank first "O. S." and then his band of brothers + Who took their cue, with pencil and with pen, + From the gay courage of our fighting men. + Theirs be the praise, not his, who here supplies + Merely the editorial hooks and eyes + And, rich by proxy, prodigally spends + The largess of his colleagues and his friends._ + +_C. L. G_. + + +PROLOGUE + + +Though a lover of peace, Mr. Punch from his earliest days has not been +unfamiliar with war. He was born during the Afghan campaign; in his youth +England fought side by side with the French in the Crimea; he saw the old +Queen bestow the first Victoria Crosses in 1857; he was moved and stirred +by the horrors and heroisms of the Indian Mutiny. A little later on, when +our relations with France were strained by the Imperialism of Louis +Napoleon, he had witnessed the rise of the volunteer movement and made +merry with the activities of the citizen soldier of Brook Green. Later on +again he had watched, not without grave misgiving, the growth of the great +Prussian war machine which crushed Denmark, overthrew Austria, and having +isolated France, overwhelmed her heroic resistance by superior numbers and +science, and stripped her of Alsace-Lorraine. + +In May, 1864, Mr. Punch presented the King of Prussia with the "Order of +St. Gibbet" for his treatment of Denmark. + +In August of the same year he portrayed the brigands dividing the spoil and +Prussia grabbing the lion's share, thus foreshadowing the inevitable +conflict with Austria. + +In the war of 1870-1 he showed France on her knees but defying the new +Caesar, and arraigned Bismarck before the altar of Justice for demanding +exorbitant securities. + +And in 1873, when the German occupation was ended by the payment of the +indemnity, in a flash of prophetic vision Mr. Punch pictured France, +vanquished but unsubdued, bidding her conqueror "Au revoir." + +[Illustration: GAUL TO THE NEW CAESAR + +"Defiance, Emperor, while I have strength to hurl it!" + +_(Dec. 17, 1870)_] + +More than forty years followed, years of peace and prosperity for Great +Britain, only broken by the South African war, the wounds of which were +healed by a generous settlement. But all the time Germany was preparing for +"The Day," steadily perfecting her war machine, enlarging her armies, +creating a great fleet, and piling up colossal supplies of guns and +munitions, while her professors and historians, harnessed to the car of +militarism, inflamed the people against England as the jealous enemy of +Germany's legitimate expansion. Abroad, like a great octopus, she was +fastening the tentacles of permeation and penetration in every corner of +the globe, honeycombing Russia and Belgium, France, England and America +with secret agents, spying and intriguing and abusing our hospitality. For +twenty-five years the Kaiser was our frequent and honoured, if somewhat +embarrassing, guest, professing friendship for England and admiration of +her ways, shooting at Sandringham, competing at Cowes, sending telegrams of +congratulation to the University boat-race winners, ingratiating himself +with all he met by his social gifts, his vivacious conversation, his +prodigious versatility and energy. + +[Illustration: + +THE REWARD OF (DE)MERIT + +King Punch presenteth Prussia with the Order of "St. Gibbet." + +(_May 7_, 1864)] + +Mr. Punch was no enemy of Germany. He remembered--none better--the debt we +owe to her learning and her art; to Bach and Beethoven, to Handel, the +"dear Saxon" who adopted our citizenship; to Mendelssohn, who regarded +England as his second home; to her fairy tales and folk-lore; to the +Brothers Grimm and the _Struwwelpeter_; to the old kindly Germany +which has been driven mad by War Lords and Pan-Germans. If Mr. Punch's +awakening was gradual he at least recognised the dangerous elements in the +Kaiser's character as far back as October, 1888, when he underlined +Bismarck's warning against Caesarism. In March, 1890, appeared Tenniel's +famous cartoon "Dropping the Pilot"; in May of the same year the Kaiser +appears as the _Enfant Terrible_ of Europe, rocking the boat and +alarming his fellow-rulers. In January, 1892, he is the Imperial +Jack-in-the-Box with a finger in every pie; in March, 1892, the modern +Alexander, who + + Assumes the God, + Affects to nod, + And seems to shake the spheres; + +though unfortunately never nodding in the way that Homer did. (This +cartoon, by the way, caused _Punch_ to be excluded for a while from +the Imperial Palace.) + +In February, 1896, Mr. Punch drew the Kaiser as Fidgety Will. In January, +1897, he was the Imperial actor-manager casting himself for a leading part +in _Un Voyage en Chine_; in October of the same year he was "Cook's +Crusader," sympathising with the Turk at the time of the Cretan ultimatum; +and in April, 1903, the famous visit to Tangier suggested the Moor of +Potsdam wooing Morocco to the strains of + + "Unter den Linden"--always at Home, + "Under the Limelight," wherever I roam. + +[Illustration: + +"AU REVOIR!" + +GERMANY: "Farewell, Madam, and if--" + +FRANCE: "Ha! We shall meet again!" + +(_Sept. 27, 1873._)] + +In 1905 the Kaiser was "The Sower of Tares," the enemy of Europe. + +In 1910 he was Teutonising and Prussifying Turkey; in 1911 discovering to +his discomfort that the Triple Entente was a solid fact. + +And in September, 1913, he was shown as unable to dissemble his +disappointment at the defeat of the German-trained Turkish army by the +Balkan League. + +[Illustration: THE STORY OF FIDGETY WILHELM + +(Up-to-date Version of "Struwwelpeter") + + "Let me see if Wilhelm can + Be a little gentleman; + Let me sec if he is able + To sit still for once at table!" + + "But Fidgety Will + He _won't_ sit still." + + Just like any bucking horse. + "Wilhelm! We are getting cross!" + +_Feb._ 1, 1896.] + +[Illustration: + +THE SOWER OF TARES + +(_After Millais, Aug. 23, 1905_)] + +So, too, with Turkey. From 1876 to 1913 Mr. Punch's cartoons on the Near +East are one continuous and illuminating commentary on Lord Salisbury's +historic admission that we had "backed the wrong horse," culminating in the +cartoon "Armageddon: a Diversion" in December, 1912, when Turkey says +"Good! If only all these other Christian nations get at one another's +throats I may have a dog's chance yet." Throughout the entire series the +Sick Man remains cynical and impenitent, blowing endless bubble-promises of +reform from his hookah, bullying and massacring his subject races whenever +he had the chance, playing off the jealousies of the Powers, one against +the other, to further his own sinister ends. + +[Illustration: SOLID + +GERMANY: "Donnerwetter! It's rock. I thought it was going to be paper." +(_Aug. 2, 1911_)] + +Yet Mr. Punch does not wish to lay claim to any special prescience or +wisdom, for, in spite of lucid intervals of foresight, we were all deceived +by Germany. Nearly fifty years of peace had blinded us to fifty years of +relentless preparation for war. But if we were deceived by the treachery of +Germany's false professions, we had no monopoly of illusion. Germany made +the huge mistake of believing that we would stand out--that we dared not +support France in face of our troubles and divisions at home. She counted +on the pacific influences in a Liberal Cabinet, on the looseness of the +ties which bound us to our Dominions, on the "contemptible" numbers of our +Expeditionary Force, on the surrender of Belgium. She had willed the War; +the tragedy of Sarajevo gave her the excuse. There is no longer any need to +fix the responsibility. The roots of the world conflict which seemed +obscure to a neutral statesman have long been laid bare by the avowals of +the chief criminal. The story is told in the Memoir of Prince Lichnowsky, +in the revelations of Dr. Muehlon of Krupp's, in the official +correspondence that has come to light since the Revolution of Berlin. +Germany stands before the bar of civilisation as the _reus confitens_ +in the cause of light against darkness, freedom against world enslavement. + +So the War began, and if "when war begins then hell opens," the saying +gained a tenfold truth in the greatest War of all, when the aggressor at +once began to wage it on non-combatants, on the helpless and innocent, on +women and children, with a cold and deliberate ferocity unparalleled in +history. Let it now be frankly owned that in the shock of this discovery +Mr. Punch thought seriously of putting up his shutters. How could he carry +on in a shattered and mourning world? The chronicle that follows shows how +it became possible, thanks to the temper of all our people in all parts of +the Empire, above all to the unwavering confidence of our sailors and +soldiers, to that "wonderful spirit of light-heartedness, that perpetual +sense of the ridiculous" which, in the words of one of Mr. Punch's many +contributors from the front, "even under the most appalling conditions +never seemed to desert them, and which indeed seemed to flourish more +freely in the mud and rain of the front line trenches than in the +comparative comfort of billets or 'cushy jobs.'" Tommy gave Mr. Punch his +cue, and his high example was not thrown away on those at home, where, when +all allowance is made for shirkers and slackers and scaremongers, callous +pleasure-seekers, faint-hearted pacificists, rebels and traitors, the great +majority so bore themselves as to convince Mr. Punch that it was not only a +privilege but a duty to minister to mirth even at times when one hastened +to laugh for fear of being obliged to weep. In this resolve he was +fortified and encouraged, week after week, by the generous recognition of +his efforts which came from all parts of our far-flung line. + +This is no formal History of the War in the strict or scientific sense of +the phrase; no detailed record of naval and military operations. There have +been many occasions on which silence or reticence seemed the only way to +maintain the national composure. It is _Mr. Punch's_ History of the +Great War, a mirror of varying moods, month by month, but reflecting in the +main how England remained steadfastly true to her best traditions; how all +sorts and conditions of men and women comported themselves throughout the +greatest ordeal that had ever befallen their race. + + + + +Mr. PUNCH'S HISTORY of the GREAT WAR + + + +_August, 1914._ + + +Four weeks ago we stood on the verge of the great upheaval and knew it not. +We were thinking of holidays; of cricket and golf and bathing, and then +were suddenly plunged in the deep waters of the greatest of all Wars. It +has been a month of rude awakening, of revelation, of discovery--of many +moods varying from confidence to deep misgiving, yet dominated by a sense +of relief that England has chosen the right course. Sir Edward Grey's +statement that we meant to stand by France and fulfil our obligations to +Belgium rallied all parties. "Thrice armed is he that hath his quarrel +just." The Fleet "stands fast" and the vigil of the North Sea has begun. +Lord Kitchener has gone to the War Office, and in twelve days from the +declaration of War our Expeditionary Force, the best trained and equipped +army that England has ever put into the field, landed in France. The +Dominions and India are staunch. Every able-bodied public school boy and +under-graduate of military age has joined the colours. The Admiralty is +crowded with living counterparts of Captain Kettle, offering their services +in any capacity, linking up the Merchant Marine with the Royal Navy in one +great solidarity of the sea. + +The Empire is sound and united. So far the omens are good. But as the days +pass the colossal task of the Allies becomes increasingly apparent. +Peace-loving nations are confronted by a Power which has prepared for war +for forty years, equipped in every detail as no Power has ever been +equipped before, with a docile and well-disciplined people trained to arms, +fortified by a well-founded belief in their invincibility, reinforced by +armies of spies in every country, hostile or neutral. We are up against the +mightiest War-machine of all time, wonderful in organisation, joining the +savagery of the barbarian to the deadliest resources of modern science. The +revelation of the black soul of Germany is the greatest and the most +hideous surprise of this month of months, crowning long years of treachery +and the abuse of hospitality with an orgy of butchery and devastation--the +torture and massacre of old men, women and children, the shooting of +hostages, the sack and burning of towns and the destruction of ancient +seats of learning. Yet we feel that in trampling upon heroic Belgium, who +dared to bar the gate, Germany has outraged the conscience of the world and +sealed her ultimate doom. + +The month closes in gloom, the fall of Liége, Namur and Brussels, the sack +of Louvain, and the repulse of the Russian raid into East Prussia at +Tannenberg following in rapid succession. Against these disasters we have +to set the brilliant engagement in the Heligoland Bight. But the onrush of +the Germans on the Western front is not stayed, though their time-table has +been thrown out by the self-sacrifice of the Belgians, the steadfast +courage of French's "contemptible little army" in the retreat from Mons, +and the bold decision of Smith-Dorrien, who saved the situation at Le +Cateau. In these days of apprehension and misgiving, clouded by alarming +rumours of a broken and annihilated army, it sometimes seems as though we +should never smile again. Where, in a world of blood and tears, can +_Punch_ exercise his function without outraging the fitness of things? +These doubts have been with us from the beginning, but they are already +being resolved by the discovery--another of the wonders of the time--that +on the very fringes of tragedy there is room for cheerfulness. When our +fighting men refuse to be downhearted in the direst peril, we at home +should follow their high example, note where we can the humours of the +fray, and "bear in silence though our hearts may bleed." + +[Illustration: + +BRAVO, BELGIUM!] + +[Illustration: MEDICAL OFFICER: "Sorry I must reject you on account of your +teeth." + +WOULD-BE-RECRUIT: "Man, ye're making a gran' mistake. I'm no wanting to +bite the Germans, I'm wanting to shoot 'em."] + +Germany in one brief month has given us a wonderful exhibition of +conscienceless strength, of disciplined ferocity. She has shown an equally +amazing failure to read the character of her foes aright. We now know what +German Kultur means: but of the soul and spirit of England she knows +nothing. Least of all does she understand that formidable and incorrigible +levity which refuses to take hard knocks seriously. It will be our +privilege to assist in educating our enemies on these and other points, +even though, as Lord Kitchener thinks, it takes three years to do it. The +Mad Dog of Europe is loose, but we remember the fate of the dog who "to +serve some private ends went mad and bit the man." "The man recovered from +his bite, the dog it was that died." Meanwhile the Official Press Bureau +has begun its operations, the Prince of Wales's Relief Fund for the relief +of those who may suffer distress through the war is started, and in the +City + + Because beneath grey Northern Skies + Some grey hulls heave and fall, + The merchants sell their merchandise + All just as usual. + + + +_September, 1914._ + + +Another month of revelations and reticences, of carnage and destruction, +loss and gain, with the miracle of the Marne as the first great sign of the +turning of the tide. On September 3 the Paris Government moved to Bordeaux, +on the 5th the retreat from Mons ended, on the 13th Joffre, always +unboastful and laconic, announced the rolling back of the invaders, on the +15th the battle of the Aisne had begun. What an Iliad of agony, endurance +and heroism lies behind these dates--the ordeal and deliverance of Paris, +the steadfastness of the "Contemptibles," the martyrdom of Belgium! + +Day by day Germany unmasks herself more clearly in her true colours from +highest to lowest. The Kaiser reveals himself as a blasphemer and +hypocrite, the Imperial crocodile with the bleeding heart, the Crown Prince +as a common brigand, the High Command as chief instigators to ferocity, the +rank and file as docile instruments of butchery and torture, content to use +Belgium women as a screen when going into action. + + THE TWO GERMANIES + + Marvellous the utter transformation + Of the spirit of the German nation! + + Once the land of poets, seers and sages, + Who enchant us in their deathless pages, + + Holding high the torch of Truth, and earning + Endless honour by their zeal for learning. + + Such the land that in an age uncouther + Bred the soul-emancipating LUTHER. + + Such the land that made our debt the greater + By the gift of _Faust_ and _Struwwelpeter_. + + Now the creed of Nietzsche, base, unholy, + Guides the nation's brain and guides it solely. + + Now Mozart's serene and joyous magic + Yields to RICHARD STRAUSS, the haemorrhagic.[A] + + Now the eagle changing to the vulture + Preaches rapine in the name of culture. + + Now the Prussian _Junker_, blind with fury, + Claims to be God's counsel, judge and jury, + + While the authentic German genius slumbers, + Cast into the limbo of back numbers. + +[Footnote A: Great play is made in Strauss's _Elektra_ with the +"slippery blood" motive.] + +The campaign of lies goes on with immense energy in all neutral countries, +for the Kaiser is evidently of opinion that the pen is perhaps mightier +than the sword. + +At home the great improvisation of the New Armies, undertaken by Lord +Kitchener in the teeth of much expert criticism, goes steadily on. Lord +Kitchener asked for 500,000 men, and he has got them. On September 10 the +House voted another half million. The open spaces in Hyde Park are given +over to training; women are beginning to take the place of men. Already the +spirit of the new soldiers is growing akin to that of the regulars. One of +Mr. Punch's brigade, who has begun to send his impressions of the mobilised +Territorials, sums it up very well when he says that, amateurs or +professionals, they are all very much alike. "Feed them like princes and +pamper them like babies, and they'll complain all the time. But stand them +up to be shot at and they'll take it as a joke, and rather a good joke, +too." Lord Roberts maintains a dignified reticence, but that is "Bobs' +way": + + He knew, none better, how 'twould be, + And spoke his warning far and wide: + He worked to save us ceaselessly, + Setting his well-earned ease aside. + + We smiled and shrugged and went our way, + Blind to the swift approaching blow: + His every word proves true to-day, + But no man hears, "I told you so!" + +Meanwhile General Botha, Boer and Briton too, is on the war-path, and we +can, without an undue stretch of imagination, picture him composing a +telegram to the Kaiser in these terms: "Just off to repel another raid. +Your customary wire of congratulations should be addressed, 'British +Headquarters, German South-West Africa.'" + +[Illustration: GOD (AND THE WOMEN) OUR SHIELD + +Study of a German Gentleman going into Action] + +The rigours of the Censorship are pressing hard on war correspondents. +Official news of importance trickles in in driblets: for the rest, +newspaper men, miles from the front, are driven to eke out their dispatches +with negligible trivialities. We know that Rheims Cathedral is suffering +wanton bombardment. And a great many of us believe that at least a quarter +of a million Russians have passed through England on their way to France. +The number of people who have seen them is large: that of those who have +seen people who have seen them is enormous. + +[Illustration: PORTER: "Do I know if the Rooshuns has really come to +England? Well, sir, if this don't prove it, I don't know what do. A train +went through here full, and when it came back I knowed there'd been +Rooshuns in it, 'cause the cushions and floors was covered with snow."] + +We gather that the Press Bureau has no notion whether the rumour is true or +not, and cannot think of any way of finding out. But it consents to its +publication in the hope that it will frighten the Kaiser. Apropos of the +Russians we learn that they have won a pronounced victory (though not by +us) at Przemysl. + +Motto for the month: _Grattez le Prusse et vous trouverez le barbare_. + +[Illustration: UNCONQUERABLE + +THE KAISER: "So, you see--you've lost everything." + +THE KING OF THE BELGIANS: "Not my soul."] + + + +_October, 1914._ + + +Antwerp has fallen and the Belgian Government removed to Havre. But the +spirit of the King and his army is unshaken. + +Unshaken, too, is the courage of Burgomaster Max of Brussels, "who faced +the German bullies with the stiffest of stiff backs." The Kaiser has been +foiled in his hope of witnessing the fall of Nancy, the drive for the +Channel ports has begun at Ypres, and German submarines have retorted to +Mr. Churchill's threat to "dig out" the German Fleet "like rats" by +torpedoing three battleships. Trench warfare is in full and deadly swing, +but "Thomas of the light heart" refuses to be downhearted: + + He takes to fighting as a game, + He does no talking through his hat + Of holy missions: all the same + He has his faith--be sure of that: + He'll not disgrace his sporting breed + Nor play what isn't cricket. There's his creed. + +Last month Lord Kitchener paid a high tribute to the growing efficiency of +the "Terriers" and their readiness to go anywhere. _Punch's_ +representative with the "Watch Dogs" fully bears out this praise. They have +been inoculated and are ready to move on. Some suggest India, others Egypt. +"But what tempted the majority was the thought of a season's shooting +without having to pay for so much as a gun licence, and so we decided for +the Continent." + +News from the front continues scanty, and Joffre's laconic +_communiqués_ might in sum be versified as follows: + + On our left wing the state of things remains + Unaltered on a general review, + Our losses in the centre match our gains, + And on our right wing there is nothing new. + +Nor do we gain much enlightenment from the "Eyewitness" with G.H.Q., though +his literary skill in elegantly describing the things that do not matter +moves our admiration. + +[Illustration: THE BULL-DOG BREED + +OFFICER: "Now, my lad, do you know what you are placed here for?" + +RECRUIT: "To prevent the henemy from landin', sir." + +OFFICER: "And do you think you could prevent him landing all by yourself?" + +RECRUIT: "Don't know, sir, I'm sure. But I'd have a damn good try!"] + +The Kaiser's sons continue to distinguish themselves as first-class +looters, and the ban laid on the English language, including very properly +the word "gentleman," has been lifted in favour of Wilhelm Shakespeare. + +The prophets are no longer so optimistic in predicting when the War will +end. One of Mr. Punch's young men suggests Christmas, 1918. But 500 German +prisoners have arrived at Templemore, co. Tipperary. It's a long, long way, +but they've got there at last. + + + +_November, 1914_. + + +The miracle of the Marne has been followed by another miracle--that of +Ypres. Outgunned and outnumbered, our thin line has stemmed the rush to the +sea. + +The road to Calais has been blocked like that to Paris. Heartening news +comes from afar of the fall of Tsing-tau before our redoubtable Japanese +allies, and with it the crumbling of Germany's scheme of an Oriental +Empire; of the British occupation of Basra; and of the sinking of the +_Emden_, thanks to the "good hunting" of the _Sydney_--the first +fruits of Australian aid. A new enemy has appeared in Turkey, but her +defection has its consolations. It is something to be rid of an +"unspeakable" incubus full of promises of reform never fulfilled, "sick" +but unrepentant, always turning European discord to bloody account at the +expense of her subject nationalities: in all respects a fitting partner for +her ally and master. + +At sea our pain at the loss of the _Good Hope_ and _Monmouth_ off +Coronel is less than our pride in the spirit of the heroic Cradock, true +descendant of Grenville and Nelson, prompt to give battle against +overwhelming odds. The soul of the "Navy Eternal" draws fresh strength from +his example. So, too, does the Army from the death of Lord Roberts, the +"happy warrior," who passed away while visiting the Western front. The best +homage we can pay him is not grief or + + Vain regret for counsel given in vain, + But service of our lives to keep her free + The land he served: a pledge above his grave + To give her even such a gift as he, + The soul of loyalty, gave. + +Even the Germans have paid reluctant tribute to one who, as Bonar Law said +in the House, "was in real life all, and more than all, that Colonel +Newcome was in fiction." He was the exemplar _in excelsis_ of those +"bantams," "little and good," who, after being rejected for their +diminutive stature, are now joining up under the new regulations: + + Apparently he's just as small, + But since his size no more impedes him + In spirit he is six foot tall-- + Because his country needs him. + +[Illustration: THE EXCURSIONIST + +TRIPPER WILHELM: "First Class to Paris." + +CLERK: "Line blocked." + +WILHELM: "Then make it Warsaw." + +CLERK: "Line blocked." + +WILHELM: "Well, what about Calais?" + +CLERK: "Line blocked." + +WILHELM: "Hang it! I _must_ go _somewhere_! I promised my people +I would."] + +We have begun to think in millions. The war is costing a million a day. The +Chancellor of the Exchequer has launched a war loan of 230 millions and +doubled our income tax. The Prime Minister asks for an addition of a +million men to the Regular Army. But the country has not yet fully awakened +to the realities of war. Football clubs are concerned with the "jostling of +the ordinary patrons" by men in uniform. "Business as usual" is interpreted +as "pleasure as usual" in some quarters. Rumour is busy with stories of +mysterious prisoners in the Tower, with tales of huge guns which are to +shell us from Calais when the Germans get there; with reports (from neutral +sources) of the speedy advent of scores of Zeppelins and hundreds of +aeroplanes over London. But though + + Old England's dark o' nights and short + Of 'buses: still she's much the sort + Of place we always used to know. + +[Illustration: T.B.D. + +OFFICER'S STEWARD: "Will you take your bath, sir, before or after +haction?"] + +It is otherwise with Belgium, with its shattered homes and wrecked towns. +The great Russian legend is still going strong, in spite of the statements +of the Under-Secretary for War, and, after all, why should the Germans do +all the story telling? By the way, a "German Truth Society" has been +founded. It is pleasant to know that it is realised over there at last that +there is a difference between Truth and German Truth. The British Navy, we +learn from the _Kölnische Zeitung_, "is in hiding." But our fragrant +contemporary need not worry. In due course the Germans shall have the +hiding. + +In some ways the unchanged spirit of our people is rather disconcerting. +One of Mr. Punch's young men, happening to meet a music-hall acquaintance, +asked him how he thought the war was going, and met with the answer: "Oh, I +think the managers will have to give in." And the proposal to change the +name of Berlin Road at Lewisham has been rejected by the residents. + + + +_December, 1914_. + + +In less than six weeks Coronel has been avenged at the battle of the +Falkland Islands: + + Hardened steel are our ships; + Gallant tars are our men; + We never are wordy + (STURDEE, boys, STURDEE!), + But quietly conquer again and again. + +Here at least we can salute the vanquished. Admiral von Spee, who went down +with his doomed squadron, was a gallant and chivalrous antagonist, like +Captain Müller, of the _Emden_. Germany's retort, eight days later, by +bombarding Scarborough and Whitby, reveals the normal Hun: + Come where you will--the seas are wide; + And choose your Day--they're all alike; + You'll find us ready when we ride + In calm or storm and wait to strike; + But--if of shame your shameless Huns + Can yet retrieve some casual traces-- + Please fight our men and ships and guns, + Not womenfolk and watering places. + +Austria's "punitive expedition" has ended in disaster for the Austrians. +They entered Belgrade on the 2nd, and were driven out twelve days later by +the Serbs. King George has paid his first visit to the front, and made +General Foch a G.C.B. We know that the General is a great authority on +strategy, and that his name, correctly pronounced, rhymes with Boche, as +hero with Nero. He is evidently a man likely to be heard of again. Another +hitherto unfamiliar name that has cropped up is that of Herr Lissauer, who, +for writing a "Hymn of Hate" against England, has been decorated by the +Kaiser. This shows true magnanimity on the part of the Kaiser, in his +capacity of King of Prussia, since the "Hymn of Hate" turns out to be a +close adaptation of a poem composed by a Saxon patriot, in which Prussia, +not England, was held up to execration. + +Kitchener's great improvisation is already bearing fruit, and the New +Armies are flocking to the support of the old. Indian troops are fighting +gallantly in three continents. King Albert "the unconquerable," in the +narrow strip of his country that still belongs to him, waits in unshaken +faith for the coming of the dawn. And as Christmas draws on the thoughts of +officers and men in the waterlogged trenches turn fondly homeward to +mothers, wives and sweethearts: + + Cheer up! I'm calling far away; + And wireless you can hear. + Cheer up! You know you'd have me stay + And keep on trying day by day; + We're winning, never fear. + +Christmas at least brings the children's truce, and that is something to be +thankful for, but it is not the Christmas that we knew and long for: + +ON EARTH--PEACE + + No stir of wings sweeps softly by; + No angel comes with blinding light; + Beneath the wild and wintry sky + No shepherds watch their flocks to-night. + + In the dull thunder of the wind + We hear the cruel guns afar, + But in the glowering heavens we find + No guiding, solitary star. + + But lo! on this our Lord's birthday, + Lit by the glory whence she came, + Peace, like a warrior, stands at bay, + A swift, defiant, living flame! + + Full-armed she stands in shining mail, + Erect, serene, unfaltering still, + Shod with a strength that cannot fail, + Strong with a fierce o'ermastering will. + + Where shattered homes and ruins be + She fights through dark and desperate days; + Beside the watchers on the sea + She guards the Channel's narrow ways. + + Through iron hail and shattering shell, + Where the dull earth is stained with red, + Fearless she fronts the gates of Hell + And shields the unforgotten dead. + + So stands she, with her all at stake, + And battles for her own dear life, + That by one victory she may make + For evermore an end of strife. + +[Illustration: THE CHILDREN'S PEACE + +PEACE: "I'm glad that they, at least, have their Christmas unspoiled."] + +Yet we have our minor war gains in the temporary disappearance of cranks +and faddists, some of whom have sunk without a ripple. And though the Press +Censor's suppressions and delays and inconsistencies provoke discontent in +the House and out of it, food for mirth turns up constantly in unexpected +quarters. The Crown Prince tells an American interviewer that there is no +War Party in Germany, nor has there ever been. The German General Staff +have begun to disguise set-backs under the convenient euphemism that the +situation has developed "according to expectation." An English village +worthy, discussing the prospects of invasion, comes to the reassuring +conclusion that "there can't be no battle in these parts, Jarge, for there +bain't no field suitable, as you may say; an' Squire, 'e won't lend 'em the +use of 'is park." The troubles of neutrality are neatly summed up in a +paper in a recent geography examination. "Holland is a low country, in fact +it is such a very low country that it is no wonder that it is dammed all +round." + +The trials of mistresses on the home front are happily described in the +reply of a child to a small visitor who inquired after her mother. "Thank +you, poor mummie's a bit below herself this morning--what with the cook and +the Kaiser." + +[Illustration: + +POMPOUS LADY: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge." + +TOMMY (aside): "Takes 'erself for a bloomin' Zeppelin!"] + +We have to thank an ingenious correspondent for drawing up the following +"credibility index" for the guidance of perplexed newspaper readers: + + London, Paris, or Petrograd (official) 100 + " " " (semi-official) 50 + Berlin (official) 25 + It is believed in military circles here that-- 24 + A correspondent that has just returned from the + firing-line tells me that-- 18 + Our correspondent at Rome announces that-- 11 + Berlin (unofficial) 10 + I learn from a neutral merchant that-- 7 + A story is current in Venice to the effect that-- 5 + It is rumoured that-- 4 + I have heard to-day from a reliable source that-- 3 + I learn on unassailable authority that-- 2 + It is rumoured in Rotterdam that-- 1 + Wolff's Bureau states that-- 0 + + + +_January, 1915_. + + +General von Kluck "never got round on the right." Calais is Calais still, +and the Kaiser, if he still wishes to give it a new name, may call it the +"Never, Never Land." "General Janvier" is doing his worst, but our men are +sticking it out through slush and slime. As for the Christmas truce and +fraternisation, the British officer who ended a situation that was proving +impossible by presenting a dingy Saxon with a copy of _Punch_ in +exchange for a packet of cigarettes, acted with a wise candour: + + For there he found, our dingy friend, + Amid the trench's sobering slosh, + What must have left him, by the end, + A wiser, if a sadder, Boche, + Seeing himself, with chastened mien, + In that pellucid well of Truth serene. + +There can be no "fraternising" with Fritz until he realises that he has +been fooled by his War Lords; and his awakening is a long way off. Lord +Kitchener has been charged with being "very economical in his information" +vouchsafed to the Lords, but it is well to be rid of illusions. This has +not been a month of great events. General Joffre is content with this +ceaseless "nibbling." The Kaiser, nourished by the flattery of his tame +professors, encourages the war on non-combatants. + +The Turks are beginning to show a gift for euphemism in disguising their +reverses in the Caucasus, which shows that they have nothing to learn from +their masters; Austria, badly mauled by the Serbians, addresses awful +threats to Roumania; and the United States has issued a warning Note on +neutral trading. But the American Eagle is not the Eagle that we are up +against. + +[Illustration: THE FLIGHT THAT FAILED + +THE EMPEROR: "What! No babes, Sirrah?" + +THE MURDERER: "Alas, Sire, none." + +THE EMPEROR: "Well, then, no babes, no iron crosses." + +(_Exit murderer, discouraged_.)] + + +The number of Mr. Punch's correspondents on active service steadily grows. +Some of them are at the Western front; others are still straining at the +leash at home; another of the _Punch_ brigade, with the very first +battalion of Territorials to land in India, has begun to send his +impressions of the shiny land; of friendly natives and unfriendly ants; of +the disappointment of being relegated to clerical duties instead of going +to the front; of the evaporation of visions of military glory in the +routine of typing, telephoning and telegraphing; of leisurely Oriental +methods. Being a soldier clerk in India is very different from being a +civilian clerk in England. Patience, good Territorials in India, your time +will come. + +[Illustration: THE SHIRKERS' WAR NEWS + +"There! What did I tell you? Northdown Lambs beaten--two to nothing."] + +At home, though the "knut" has been commandeered and nobly transmogrified, +though women are increasingly occupied in war work and entering with +devotion and self-sacrifice on their new duties as substitutes for men, we +have not yet been wholly purged of levity and selfishness. Football news +has not receded into its true perspective; shirkers are more pre-occupied +with the defeat or victory of "Lambs" or "Wolves" in Lancashire than with +the stubborn defence, the infinite discomfort and the heavy losses of their +brothers in Flanders. + +Overdressed fashionables pester wounded officers and men with their +unreasonable visits and futile queries. The enemies in our midst are not +all aliens; there are not a few natives we should like to see interned. + +The Kaiser has had his first War birthday and, as the Prussian Government +has ordered that there shall be no public celebrations, this confirms the +rumours that he now wishes he had never been born. + +Germany, says the _Cologne Gazette_ in an article on the food +question, "has still at hand a very large supply of pigs"--even after the +enormous number she has exported to Belgium. Germany, however, does not +only export pigs; her trade in "canards" with neutrals grows and grows, +chiefly with the United States, thanks to the untiring mendacity of +Bernstorff and Wolff. Compared with these efforts, the revelations of +English governesses at German courts, which are now finding their way into +print, make but a poor show. + +As the British armies increase, the moustache of the British officer, one +of the most astonishing products of these astonishing times, grows "small +by degrees and beautifully less." Waxed ends, fashionable in a previous +generation, are now only worn by policemen, taxi-drivers and labour +leaders. The Kaiser remains faithful to the Mephistophelean form. But in +proof of his desire to make the best of both worlds, nether and celestial, +he continues to commandeer "Gott" on every occasion as his second in +command. Out-Heroding Herod as a murderer of innocents, he enters into a +competition of piety with his grandfather. For we should not forget that +the first German Emperor's messages to his wife in the Franco-Prussian War +were once summed up by Mr. Punch: + + Ten thousand French have gone below; + Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. + + + +_February, 1915_. + + +January ended with a knock for the Germans off the Dogger Bank, when the +_Blücher_ was sunk by our Battle-Cruiser Squadron: + + They say the _Lion_ and the _Tiger_ sweep + Where once the Huns shelled babies from the deep, + And _Blücher_, that great cruiser--12-inch guns + Roar o'er his head, but cannot break his sleep. + +And now it is the turn of "Johnny Turk," who has had _his_ knock on +the Suez Canal, and failed to solve the _Riddle of the Sands_ under +German guidance. Having safely locked up his High Seas Fleet in the Kiel +Canal, the Kaiser has ordered the U-boat blockade of England to begin by +the torpedoing of neutral as well as enemy merchant ships. + +You may know a man by the company he keeps, and the Kaiser's friends are +now the Jolly Roger and Sir Roger Casement. + +Valentine's Day has come and gone. Here are some lines from a damp but +undefeated lover in the trenches: + + Though the glittering knight whose charger + Bore him on his lady's quest + With an infinitely larger + Share of warfare's pomp was blest, + Yet he offered love no higher, + No more difficult to quench, + Than the filthy occupier + Of this unromantic trench. + +[Illustration: RUNNING AMOK + +GERMAN BULL: "I know I'm making a rotten exhibition of myself; but I shall +tell everybody I was goaded into it."] + +The fusion of classes in the camps of the New Armies outdoes the mixture of +"cook's son and duke's son" fifteen years ago. The old Universities are now +given up to a handful of coloured students, Rhodes' scholars and reluctant +crocks. As a set-off, however, a Swansea clergyman and football enthusiast +has held a "thanksgiving service for their good fortune against Newcastle +United." Meanwhile, the Under-Secretary for War has stated that the army +costs more in a week than the total estimates for the Waterloo campaign, +and that our casualties on the Western front alone have amounted to over +100,000. So what with submarine losses, ubiquitous German spies, the German +propaganda in America, and complaints of Government inactivity, the +pessimists are having a fine time. Tommy grouses of course, but then he +complains far more of the loss of a packet of cigarettes or a tin of +peppermints or a mouth-organ than of the loss of a limb. + +Germany's attitude towards the United States tempers the blandishments of +the serenader with the occasional discharge of half-bricks. There is no +such inconsistency in the expression of her feelings about England. +Articles entitled "_Unser Hass gegen England_" constantly appear in +the German Press, and people are beginning to wonder whether the +_Hass_ is not the Kaiser. Apropos of newspapers, we are beginning to +harbour a certain envy of the Americans. Even their provincial organs often +contain important and cheering news of the doings of the British Army many +days before the Censor releases the information in England. Daylight saving +is again being talked of, and it would surely be an enormous boon to rush +the measure through now so that the Germans may have less darkness of which +to take advantage. And there is a general and reasonable feeling that more +use should be made of bands for recruiting. The ways of German musicians +are perplexing. Here is the amiable Herr Humperdinck, composer of "Hänsel +and Gretel," the very embodiment of the old German kindliness, signing the +Manifesto of patriotic artists and professors who execrate England, while +Strauss, the truculent "Mad Mullah" of the Art, holds aloof. Dr. Hans +Richter, who enjoyed English hospitality so long, now clamours for our +extinction; it is even said that he has asked to be allowed to conduct a +_Parsifal_ airship to this country. + +[Illustration: STUDY OF A PRUSSIAN HOUSEHOLD HAVING ITS MORNING HATE] + + + +_March, 1915._ + + +A new and possibly momentous chapter has opened in the history of the War +by the attempt to force the Dardanelles. At the end of February the Allied +Fleet bombarded the forts at the entrance, and landed a party of +bluejackets. Since then these naval operations have been resumed, and our +new crack battleship _Queen Elizabeth_ has joined in the attack. We +have not got through the Narrows, and some sceptical critics are asking +what we should do if we got through to Constantinople, without a land +force. It is a great scheme, if it comes off; and the "only begetter" of +it, if report is true, is Mr. Winston Churchill, the strategist of the +Antwerp expedition, who now aspires to be the Dardanelson of our age. +Anyhow, the Sultan, lured on by the Imperial William o' the Wisp, is +already capable of envying even his predecessor: + + Abdul! I would that I had shared your plight, + Or Europe seen my heels, + Before the hour when Allah bound me tight + To WILLIAM'S chariot-wheels! + +Germany, always generous with other people's property, has begun to hint to +Italy possibilities of compensation in the shape of certain portions of +Austro-Hungarian territory. She has also declared that she is "fighting for +the independence of the small nations," including, of course, Belgium. In +further evidence of her humanity she has taken to spraying our soldiers in +the West with flaming petrol and squirting boiling pitch over our Russian +allies. It is positively a desecration of the word devil to apply it to the +Germans whether on land, on or under water, or in the air. + +We have begun to "push" on the Western front, and Neuve Chapelle has been +captured, after a fierce battle and at terrible cost. Air raids are +becoming common in East Anglia and U-boats unpleasantly active in the North +Sea. Let us take off our hats to the mine-sweepers and trawlers, the new +and splendid auxiliaries of the Royal Navy. Grimsby is indeed a "name to +resound for ages" for what its fishermen have done and are doing in the war +against mine and submarine: + + Soles in the Silver Pit--an' there we'll let 'em lie; + Cod on the Dogger--oh, we'll fetch 'em by an' by; + War on the water--an' it's time to serve an' die, + For there's wild work doin' on the North Sea ground. + An' it's "Wake up, Johnnie!" they want you at the trawlin' + (With your long sea-boots and your tarry old tarpaulin); + All across the bitter seas duty comes a-callin' + In the Winter's weather off the North Sea ground. + It's well we've learned to laugh at fear--the sea has taught us how; + It's well we've shaken hands with death--we'll not be strangers now, + With death in every climbin' wave before the trawler's bow, + An' the black spawn swimmin' on the North Sea ground. + +[Illustration: WILLIAM O' THE WISP] + +These brave men and their heroic brothers in the trenches are true +sportsmen as well as patriots, not those who interpret the need of +lightheartedness by the cult of "sport as usual" on the football field and +the racecourse. And the example of the Universities shines with the same +splendour. Of the scanty remnant that remain at Oxford and Cambridge all +the physically fit have joined the O.T.C. Boat-race day has passed, but the +crews are gone to "keep it long" and "pull it through" elsewhere: + + Not here their hour of great emprise; + No mounting cheer towards Mortlake roars; + Lulled to full tide the river lies + Unfretted by the fighting oars; + The long high toil of strenuous play + Serves England elsewhere well to-day. + +London changes daily. The sight of the female Jehu is becoming familiar; +the lake in St. James's Park has been drained and the water-fowl driven to +form a concentration camp by the sorry pool that remains beside the +Whitehall Gate. + +Spy-hunting is prevalent in East Anglia, but the amateurs have not achieved +any convincing results. Spring poets are suffering from suspended +animation; there is a slump in crocuses, snowdrops, daffodils and lambkins. +Their "musings always turn away to men who're arming for the fray." The +clarion and the fife have ousted the pastoral ode. And our military and +naval experts, harassed by the Censor, take refuge in psychology. + +The _Kölnische Zeitung_ has published a whole article on "Mr. Punch." +The writer, a Herr Professor, finds our cartoons lacking in "modest +refinement." Indeed, he goes so far as to say that the treatment of the +Kaiser savours of blasphemy. One is so apt to forget that the Kaiser is a +divinity, so prone to remember that Luther wrote, "We Germans are Germans, +and Germans we will remain--that is to say, pigs and brutish animals." This +was written in 1528: but "the example of the Middle Ages" is held up to-day +by German leaders as the true fount of inspiration. + +[Illustration: THE WAR SPIRIT AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM + +ARDENT EGYPTOLOGIST (who has lately joined the Civic Guard): "No, I seem to +have lost my enthusiasm for this group since I noticed Bes-Hathor-Horus was +out of step with the other two."] + + + +_April_, 1915. + + +A hundred years ago Bismarck was born on April 1, the man who built with +blood and iron, but now only the blood remains. Yet one may doubt whether +even that strong and ruthless pilot would have commended the submarine crew +who sank the liner _Falaba_ and laughed at the cries and struggles of +drowning men and women. Sooner or later these crews are doomed to die the +death of rats: + + But you, who sent them out to do this shame; + From whom they take their orders and their pay; + For you--avenging wrath defers its claim, + And Justice bides her day. + +The tide of "frightfulness" rolls strong on land as on sea. The second +battle of Ypres has begun and the enemy has resorted to the use of a new +weapon--poison gas. He had already poisoned wells in South West Africa, but +this is an uglier outcome of the harnessing of science to the Powers of +Darkness. Italy grows restive in spite of the blandishments of Prince +Bülow, and as the month closes we hear of the landing of the Allies in +Gallipoli, just two months after the unsupported naval attempt to force the +Dardanelles. British and Australian and New Zealand troops have achieved +the impossible by incredible valour in face of murderous fire, and a +foothold has been won at tremendous cost of heroic lives. Letters from the +Western front continue cheerful, but it does not need much reading between +the lines to realise the odds with which our officers and men have to +contend, the endless discomfort and unending din. They are masters of a +gallant art of metaphor which belittles the most appalling horrors of +trench warfare; masters, too, of the art of extracting humorous relief from +the most trivial incidents. + +On the home front we have to contend with a dangerous ally of the enemy in +Drink, and with the self-advertising politicians who do their bit by asking +unnecessary questions. Sometimes, but rarely, they succeed in eliciting +valuable information, as in Mr. Lloyd George's statement on the situation +at the front. We have now six times as many men in the field as formed the +original Expeditionary Force, and in the few days fighting round Neuve +Chapelle almost as much ammunition was expended by our guns as in the whole +of the two and three-quarter years of the Boer War. + +[Illustration: THE HAUNTED SHIP + +GHOST OF THE OLD PILOT: "I wonder if he would drop me _now!_"] + +The Kaiser has been presented with another grandson, but it has not been +broken to the poor little fellow who he is. It is also reported that the +Kaiser has bestowed an Iron Cross on a learned pig--one of a very numerous +class. + + + +_May, 1915_. + + +We often think that we must have got to the end of German "frightfulness," +only to have our illusions promptly shattered by some fresh and amazing +explosion of calculated ferocity. Last month it was poison gas; now it is +the sinking of the _Lusitania_. Yet Mr. Punch had read the omens some +seven and a half years ago, when the records established by that liner had +created a jealousy in Germany which the Kaiser and his agents have now +appeased, but at what a cost! The House of Commons is an odd place, unique +in its characteristics. Looking round the benches when it reassembled on +May 10th, and noting the tone and purport of the inquiries addressed to the +First Lord, one might well suppose that nothing remarkable had happened +since Parliament adjourned. The questions were numerous but all practical, +and as unemotional as if they referred to outrages by a newly-discovered +race of fiends in human shape peopling Mars or Saturn. The First Lord, +equally undemonstrative, announced that the Board of Trade have ordered an +inquiry into the circumstances attending the disaster. Pending the result, +it would be premature to discuss the matter. Here we have the sublimation +of officialism and national phlegm. Of the 1,200 victims who went down in +this unarmed passenger ship about 200 were Americans. What will America say +or do? + +[Illustration: AN OMEN OF 1908 + +Reproduced from "Christmas Cards for Celebrities," in _Mr. Punch's +Almanack_ of that year] + +[Illustration: HAMLET U.S.A. + +SCENE: The Ramparts of the White House. + +PRESIDENT WILSON: "The time is out of joint, O cursed spite, +That ever I was born to set it right!" + +VOICE OF ROOSEVELT (_off_): "That's so!"] + + In silence you have looked on felon blows, + On butcher's work of which the waste lands reek! + Now in God's name, from Whom your greatness flows, + Sister, will you not speak? + +Many unofficial voices have been raised in horror, indignation, and even in +loud calls for intervention. The leaven works, but President Wilson, though +not unmoved, gives little sign of abandoning his philosophic neutrality. + +In Europe it is otherwise. Italy has declared war on Austria; her people +have driven the Government to take the path of freedom and honour and break +the shackles of Germanism in finance, commerce and politics. + +Italy has not declared war on Germany yet, but the fury of the German Press +is unbounded, and for the moment Germany's overworked Professors of Hate +have focused their energies on the new enemy, and its army of "vagabonds, +convicts, ruffians and mandolin-players," conveniently forgetting that the +spirit of Garibaldi is still an animating force, and that the King inherits +the determination of his grandfather and namesake. + +On the Western front the enemy has been repulsed at Ypres. Lord Kitchener +has asked for another 300,000 men, and speaks confidently of our soon being +able to make good the shortage of ammunition. + +On the Eastern front the Grand Duke Nicholas has been forced to give +ground; in Gallipoli slow progress is being made at heavy cost on land and +sea. The Turk is a redoubtable trench fighter and sniper; the difficulties +of the _terrain_ are indescribable, yet our men continue the epic +struggle with unabated heroism. King Constantine of Greece, improved in +health, construes his neutrality in terms of ever increasing benevolence to +his brother-in-law the Kaiser. + +[Illustration: (series of six panels) THE REWARD OF KULTUR] + +At home the great event has been the formation of a Coalition Government--a +two-handed sword, as we hope, to smite the enemy; while practical people +regard it rather as a "Coal and Ammunition Government." The cost of the War +is now Two Millions a day, and a new campaign of Posters and Publicity has +been inaugurated to promote recruiting. Volunteers, with scant official +recognition, continue their training on foot; the Hurst Park brigade +continue their activities, mainly on rubber wheels. An evening paper +announces: + +VICTORY IN GALLIPOLI. + +LATE WIRE FROM CHESTER. + +Mr. Punch is prompted to comment: + + For these our Army does its bit, + While they in turn peruse + Death's honour-roll (should time permit) + After the Betting News. + +More agreeable is the sportsmanship of the trenches, where a correspondent +tells of the shooting of a hare and the recovery of the corpse, by a +reckless Tommy, from the turnip-field which separated our trenches from +those of Fritz. + +Amongst other signs of the times the emergence of the Spy Play is to be +noted, in which the alien enemy within our gates is gloriously confounded. +Yet, if a certain section of the Press is to be believed, the dark and +sinister operations of the Hidden Hand continue unchecked. + +The Germans as unconscious humorists maintain their supremacy _hors +concours_. A correspondent of the _Cologne Gazette_ was with other +journalists recently entertained to dinner in a French villa by the Crown +Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria. "The party, while dining," we are told, +"talked of the defects of French taste, and Prince Rupprecht said that +French houses were full of horrors." True, O Prince, but the French are +determined to drive them out. Better still, in the month which witnessed +the sinking of the _Lusitania_ we read this panegyric of the Teuton in +_Die Welt_: "Clad in virtue and in peerless nobility of character, +unassailed by insidious enemies either within or without, girded about by +the benign influences of Kultur, the German, whether soldier or civilian, +pursues his destined way, fearless and serene." + + + +_June, 1915._ + + +The weeks that have passed since the sinking of the _Lusitania_ have +left Germany not merely impenitent but glorying in her crime. "The +destruction of the _Lusitania_," says Herr Baumgarten, Professor of +Theology, "should be greeted with jubilation and enthusiastic cheering, and +everybody who does not cheer is no real or true German." Many harsh things +have been said of the Germans, but nothing quite so bitter as this +suggestion for a test of nationality. But while Germany jubilates, her +Government is painfully anxious to explain everything to the satisfaction +of America. The conversations between the two Powers are continuous but +abortive. President Wilson's dove has returned to him, with the report +"Nothing doing," and the American eagle looks as if he would like to take +on the job. + +Germany has had her first taste of real retaliation in the bombardment of +Karlsruhe by Allied airmen, and is furiously indignant at the attack on an +"unfortified and peaceful" town--which happens to be the headquarters of +the 14th German Army Corps and to contain an important arsenal as well as +large chemical, engineering and railway works. Also she is very angry with +Mr. Punch, and has honoured him and other British papers with a solemn +warning. Our performances, it seems, are "diligently noted, so that when +the day of reckoning arrives we shall know with whom we have to deal, and +how to deal with them effectually." It is evident that in spite of Italy's +entry into the war the mass of the Germans are still true to their old hate +of England. + +[Illustration: ON THE BLACK LIST + +KAISER (as executioner): "I'm going to hang you." + +PUNCH: "Oh, you are, are you? Well, you don't seem to know how the scene +ends. It's the hangman that gets hanged."] + +[Illustration: SOME BIRD + +THE RETURNING DOVE (to President Woodrow Noah): + +"Nothing doing." + +THE EAGLE: "Say, Boss, what's the matter with trying me?"] + +But Germany does not merely talk. She has been indulging in drastic +reprisals in consequence of Mr. Winston Churchill's memorandum on the +captured submarine crews. As a result 39 imprisoned British officers, +carefully selected, have been subjected to solitary confinement under +distressing conditions in return for Mr. Churchill's having hinted at +possible severities which were never carried out. Moral: Do not threaten +unless you mean to act. The retirement of Mr. Churchill to the seclusion of +the Duchy of Lancaster and the appointment of Mr. Balfour to the First +Lordship of the Admiralty afford hope that the release of the Thirty-Nine +from their special hardship will not be unduly postponed. The Coalition +Government is shaking down. A Ministry of Munitions has been created, with +Mr. Lloyd George in charge; and members of the Cabinet have decided to pool +their salaries with a view to their being divided equally. Mr. McKenna has +made his first appearance as Chancellor of the Exchequer and introduced a +Bill authorising the raising of a War Loan unlimited in extent, but, being +a man of moderate views, will be satisfied if nine hundred millions are +forthcoming. Lord Haldane has been succeeded in the Lord Chancellorship by +Lord Buckmaster, having caused by one unfortunate phrase a complete +oblivion of all the services rendered by his creation of the Territorial +system. The cry for "more men" has now changed to one for "more shells," +and certain newspapers, always in search of a scapegoat, have entered on a +campaign directed against Lord Kitchener, the very man whom a few short +months ago they hailed as the saviour of the situation. Finding that the +public cannot live on their hot air, they are doing their best to make our +flesh creep and keep our feet cold. Let us hope that K. of K. will find the +Garter some slight protection against this hitting below the belt. + +The Russian retreat continues, but there is no _débâcle._ Greece shows +signs of returning sanity in the restoration to power of her one strong +man, M. Venizelos. If there were a few more like him then (to adapt Porson) +"the Germanised Greek would be sadly to seek." As it is, he flourishes +exceedingly, under the patronage of a Prussianised Court. + +In Gallipoli the deadly struggle goes on; our foothold has been +strengthened by bitter fighting and our lines pushed forward for three +miles by a few hundred yards--a big advance in modern trench warfare. +Blazing heat and a plague of flies add to the discomforts of our men, but a +new glory has been added to the ever growing vocabulary of the war in +"Anzac." There is a lull on the Western front, if such a word properly can +be applied to the ceaseless activities of the war of position, of daily +_strafe_ and counter-_strafe_. + +At home, khaki weddings are becoming common form. By an inversion of the +old order the bride is now eclipsed by the bridegroom: + + 'Tis well: the lack of fine array + Best fits a sacrificial altar; + Her man to-morrow joins the fray, + And yet she does not falter; + Simple her gown, but still we see + The bride in all her bravery. + +Society is losing much of its snap through the political truce. It is all +very well to talk of the lion lying down with the lamb, but of course it +makes life a distinctly duller business both for the lion and the lamb when +each has lost his or her dearest enemy. For the rest, there is a brisk +trade in anti-gas respirators, "lonely soldiers" are becoming victimised by +fair correspondents, and a new day has been added to the week--flag day. + +Proverb for the month, suggested by the activities of the Imperial +infanticide: "The hand that wrecks the cradle rules the world." + + + +_July, 1915_. + + +The last month of the first year of the war brings no promise of a speedy +end; it is not a month of great battles on land or sea, but rather of omens +and foreshadowings, good and evil. To the omens of victory belongs the +sinking of the _Pommern_, named after the great maritime province, so +long coveted by the Brandenburgers, the makers of Prussia and the true +begetters of Prussianism. Of good omen, too, has been the "clean sweep" +made by General Botha in German South-West Africa, where the enemy +surrendered unconditionally on July 9. And though the menace of the U-boat +grows daily, there _may_ be limits to America's seemingly +inexhaustible forbearance. There are happily none to the fortitude of our +bluejackets and trawlers. + +Pundits in the Press, fortified by warnings from generals in various Home +Commands, display an increasing preoccupation with the likelihood of +invasion by sea. Mr. Punch naturally inclines to a sceptical attitude, +swayed by long adherence to the views of the Blue Water School and the +incredulousness of correspondents engaged in guarding likely spots on the +East Coast. With runaway raids by sea we are already acquainted, and their +growing frequency from the air is responsible for various suggested +precautions, official and otherwise--pails of sand and masks and +anti-asphyxiation mixtures--which are not viewed with much sympathy in the +trenches. _There_ the men meet the most disconcerting situations--as, +for example, the problem of spending a night in a flooded meadow occupied +by a thunderstorm--with irrelevant songs or fantasias on the mouth-organ. + +[Illustration: FIRST TRAWLER SKIPPER (to friend who is due to sail by next +tide): "Are ye takin' any precautions against these submarines, Jock?" + +SECOND SKIPPER: "Ay! Although I've been in the habit o' carryin' my bits of +bawbees wi' me, I went an' bankit them this mornin', an' I'm no taking ma +best oilskins or ma new seaboots." + +FIRST SKIPPER; "Oh, _you're_ a'richt then. Ye'll hae practically +nothin' tae lose but yer life."] + + Oh, there ain't no band to cheer us up, there ain't no Highland pipers + To keep our warlike ardure warm round New Chapelle and Wipers, + So--since there's nothing like a tune to glad the 'eart o' man, + Why Billy with his mouth-organ 'e does the best 'e can. + + Wet, 'ungry, thirsty, 'ot or cold, whatever may betide 'im, + 'E'll play upon the 'ob of 'ell while the breath is left inside 'im; + And when we march up Potsdam Street, and goose-step through Berlin, + Why Billy with 'is mouth-organ 'e'll play the Army in! + +[Illustration: THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA + +SINBAD THE KAISER: "This submarine business is going to get me into trouble +with America; but what can an All-Powerful do with a thing like this on his +back?"] + +When officers come home on leave and find England standing where she did, +their views support the weather-beaten major who said that it was "worth +going to a little trouble and expense to keep _that_ intact." But you +can hardly expect people who live in trenches which have had to be rebuilt +twice daily for the last few months and are shelled at all hours of the day +or night, to compassionate the occasional trials of the home-keeping +bomb-dodger. The war, as it goes on, seems to bring out the best and the +worst that is in us. South Wales responded loyally to the call for +recruits, yet 200,000 miners are affected by the strike fever. + +The House, where party strife for a brief space was hushed by mutual +consent, is now devastated by the energies of indiscreet, importunate, +egotistic or frankly disloyal question-mongers. We want a censorship of +Parliamentary Reports. The Press Bureau withholds records of shining +courage at the front lest they should enlighten the enemy, but gives full +publicity to those + + Who give us words in lieu of deeds, + Content to blather while their country bleeds. + +There is, however, some excuse for those importunates who wish to know on +what authority the Premier declared at Newcastle that neither our Allies +nor ourselves have been hampered by an insufficient supply of munitions. In +two months' fighting in Gallipoli our casualties have largely exceeded +those sustained by us during the whole of the Boer War. And financial +purists may be pardoned for their protests against extravagant expenditure +in view of the announcement that the war is now costing well over three +millions daily. The idea of National Registration has taken shape in a +Bill, which has passed its second reading. The notion of finding out what +everyone can do to help his country in her hour of need is excellent. But +the Government do not seem to have realised that half a million volunteer +soldiers have been waiting and ready for a job for the last six months: + + And when at last you come and say + "What can you do? We ask for light + On any service you can pay," + The answer is: "_You_ know all right, + And all this weary while you knew it; + The trouble was you wouldn't let us do it." + +The German Press is not exactly the place where one expects to find +occasion for merriment. Yet listen to this from the _Neueste +Nachrichten_: "Our foes ask themselves continuously, How can we best get +at Germany's vital parts? What are her most vulnerable points? The answer +is, her humanity--her trustful honesty." Here, on the other hand, thousands +of people, by knocking months and years off their real age, have been +telling good straightforward lies for their country. At the Front euphemism +in describing hardship is mingled with circumlocution in official +terminology. Thus one C.O. is reported to refer to the enemy not as Germans +but "militant bodies of composite Teutonic origin." + +A new and effectual cure for the conversion of pessimists at home has been +discovered. It is simply to out-do the prophets of ill at their own game. +The result is that they seek you out to tell you that an enemy submarine +has been sunk off the Scillies or that the Crown Prince is in the Tower. It +is the old story that optimists are those who have been associating with +pessimists and _vice versâ_. But seriousness is spreading. We are told +that even actresses are now being photographed with their mouths shut, +though one would have thought that at such a time all British +subjects--especially the "Odolisques" of the variety stage--ought to show +their teeth. + + + +_August_, 1915. + + +Ordinary anniversaries lead to retrospect: after a year of the greatest of +all wars it is natural to indulge in a stock-taking of the national spirit, +and comforting to find that, in spite of disillusions and disappointments, +the alternation of exultations and agonies, the soul of the fighting men of +England remains unshaken and unconquerable. Three of the Great Powers of +Europe espoused the cause of Liberty a year ago; now there are four, and +the aid of Italy in engaging and detaching large Austrian forces enables us +to contemplate with greater equanimity a month of continuous Russian +withdrawal, and the tragic loss of Warsaw and the great fortresses of +Novo-Georgievsk and Brest-Litovsk. And if there is no outward sign of the +awakening of Germany, no slackening in frightfulness, no abatement in the +blasphemous and overweening confidence of her Ruler and his War-lords who +can tell whether they have not moments of self-distrust? + + * * * * * + +THE WAYSIDE CALVARY. August 4th, 1915. + + Now with the full year Memory holds her tryst, + Heavy with such a tale of bitter loss + As never Earth has suffered since the Christ + Hung for us on the Cross. + + If God, O Kaiser, makes the vision plain; + Gives you on some lone Calvary to see + The Man of Sorrows Who endured the pain + And died to set us free-- + + How will you face beneath its crown of thorn + That figure stark against the smoking skies, + The arms outstretched, the sacred head forlorn, + And those reproachful eyes? + + How dare confront the false quest with the true, + Or think what gulfs between the ideals lie + Of Him Who died that men may live--and you + Who live that man may die? + + Ah, turn your eyes away; He reads your heart; + Pass on and, having done your work abhorred, + Join hands with JUDAS in his place apart, + You who betrayed your Lord. + + * * * * * + +It is the way of modern war that we know little of what is going on, least +of all on sea. Some of our sailormen have had their chance in the +Heligoland Bight, off the Dogger Bank and Falkland Isles, and in the +Dardanelles. It is well that we should remember what we owe to the patient +vigil of their less fortunate comrades, the officers and men of the Grand +Fleet, and to the indefatigable and ubiquitous activities of the ships +officially classified as "Light Cruisers (Old)": + +[Illustration: AFTER ONE YEAR] + + From Pole unto Pole, all the oceans between, + Patrolling, protecting, unwearied, unseen, + By night or by noonday, the Navy is there, + And the out-of-date cruisers are doing their share, + The creaky old cruisers whose day is not done, + Built some time before Nineteen-hundred-and-one. + +At any rate, we know for certain that British submarines have made their +way into the Baltic, a "sea change" extremely disquieting to the Germans, +who, for the rest, have suffered in a naval scrap in the Gulf of Riga with +the Russians. On the Western front our troops are suffering from two +plagues--large shells and little flies. These troubles have not prevented +them from scoring a small though costly success at Hooge. From Gallipoli +comes the news of fresh deeds of amazing heroism at Suvla Bay and Anzac. + +The war of Notes goes on with unabated energy between Germany and the +U.S.A. At home a brief period has been set to the pernicious activities of +importunate inquisitors by the adjournment of the House till mid-September. +"Dr. Punch" is of opinion that the Mother of Parliaments is sorely in need +of a rest and needs every hour of a seven weeks' holiday. In the Thrift +campaign, which has now set in, everybody expects that everybody else +should do his duty; and the universal eruption of posters imploring us to +subscribe to the War Loan indicates the emergence of a new Art--that of +Government by advertisement. To the obvious appeals to duty, patriotism, +conscience, appeals to shame, appeals romantic and even facetious are now +added. It may be necessary, but the method is not dignified. All that can +be said is that "Govertisement," or government by advertisement, is better +than Government by the Press, a new terror with which we are daily +threatened. + +Mr. Winston Churchill, the greatest of our quick-change political artists, +is said to be devoting his leisure to landscape painting. The particular +school that he favours is not publicly stated, but we have reason to +believe that he intends to be a Leader. + +The Archbishop of Cologne says that, on being congratulated on his Eastern +successes, the Kaiser "turned his eyes to heaven with the most +indescribable expression of intense gratitude and religious fervour." Yes, +we can quite imagine that it beggared description. But there is no +difficulty in finding the right phrase for his address to the inhabitants +of Warsaw: "We wage war only against hostile troops, not against peaceful +citizens." It is not "_splendide mendax_." That is the due of boys who +overstate, and men who understate, their age in order to serve their +country in the field. + +[Illustration: OFFICER (to boy of thirteen who, in his effort to get taken +on as a bugler, has given his age as sixteen): "Do you know where boys go +who tell lies?" + +APPLICANT: "To the Front, sir."] + +A correspondent reminds Mr. Punch that four years ago he wrote as follows: +"Lord Haldane, in defending the Territorials, declared that he expects to +be dead before any political party seriously suggests compulsory military +service. We understand that, since making this statement, our War Minister +has received a number of telegrams from Germany wishing him long life." But +we suspect that when he said dead he meant politically dead. Still, we owe +Lord Haldane the Territorials, and they are doing great work in Europe and +most valuable, if thankless, work in India. As "One of the _Punch_ +brigade" writes: "The hearts of very few of the Territorials now +garrisoning India are in their work, though, of course, we know that +actually it is essential duty we are performing." "They also serve," who +patiently endure the dull routine of existence largely spent in a stifling +fort on the blistering and dust-swept plains, and find relief in the +smallest incident that breaks the monotony. As, for example, when a +quartermaster-sergeant was held up by a native guard at a bridge, and, on +demanding an explanation, had his attention directed to the notices on the +wall, "Elephants and traction engines are not allowed to cross this +bridge." + + + +_September, 1915_. + + +The Tsar has succeeded the Grand Nicholas as Generalissimo of his armies, +and the great Russian retreat has ended. Yet it would be rash to say that +the one event has caused the other. Lord Kitchener's statement that on the +Eastern front the Germans had "almost shot their last bolt" is a better +summary, and when we reflect on their enormous superiority in artillery and +equipment, that is a great tribute to the strategy of the Grand Duke in +conducting the most difficult retreat of modern times. Germany, though a +mistress of the entire alphabet of frightfulness, is making increasing play +with the _U_'s and _Z_'s, and Admiral Percy Scott, who predicted +the dangers of the former, is now entrusted with the task of coping with +the latter menace. + +Five months have elapsed since the sinking of the _Lusitania_ and the +pro-German campaign in the United States is more active than ever, thanks +to the untiring efforts of Count Bernstorff and his worthy ally, Dr. Dumba, +in promoting strikes and _sabotage_; but President Wilson, "Le Grand +Penseur," declines to be rushed by the interventionists, and is giving his +detached consideration to the "concessions" of the German Government in +regard to submarine warfare. But three thousand miles of ocean no longer +keep America free from strife. The enemy is within her gates, plotting, +spying and bribing. The lesser neutrals in Europe find it harder to +dissemble their sympathies, but Ferdinand of Bulgaria maintains a vulpine +inscrutability. + +[Illustration: THE UNSINKABLE TIRP + +GERMAN CHANCELLOR: "Well, thank Heaven, that's the last of Tirpitz." + +TIRPITZ (reappearing): "I don't think!"] + +By way of a sidelight on what happens on the Western front, a wounded +officer sends a characteristic account of his experiences after "going over +the top" at 3 A.M. "The first remark, as distinct from a shout that I heard +after leaving our parapet, came from Private Henry, my most notorious +malefactor. As the first attempt at a wire entanglement in our new position +went heavenward ten seconds after its emplacement, and a big tree just to +our right collapsed suddenly like a dying pig, he turned round with a grin, +observing: 'Well, sir, we _do_ see a bit of life, if we _don't_ +make money.' I never saw a man all day who hadn't a grin ready when you +passed, and a bit of a _riposte_ if you passed the time of day with +him." Our officers only think of their men, and the men of their officers. +In Gallipoli our soldiers have discovered a new method of annoying the +Turk: + + We go and bathe, in shameless scores + Beneath his baleful een, + Disrobe, unscathed, on sacred shores + And wallow in between; + Nor does a soldier then assume + His university costume, + And though it makes the Faithful fume, + It makes the Faithless clean. + +The return of the wounded to England is marked by strange incidents, +pathetic and humorous. Thus it has been reserved for an officer, reported +dead in the casualty list, to ring up his people on the telephone and +correct "this silly story about my being killed." And the cheerfulness of +the limbless men in blue is something wonderful. They "jest at scars," but +not because they "never felt a wound." It is a high privilege to entertain +these light-hearted heroes, one of whom recently presented his partner in a +lawn tennis match with a fragment of shell taken direct from his +"stummick." And the recipient rightly treasures it as a love-token. + +Parliament has reassembled, the inquisitors returning (unhappily) like +giants refreshed after their holiday. But they sometimes contribute to our +amusement, as when one relentless and complacent critic declared that, on +the matter of conscription, he should himself "prefer to be guided--very +largely--by Lord Kitchener." The concession is something. Most of the +importunate questionists are on the other side: + + "Take from us any joys you like," they cry; + "We'd bear the loss, however much we missed 'em; + Let truth and justice, fame and honour die, + But spare, O spare, our Voluntary System!" + +Amongst other signs of the times the increase of girl gardeners and the +sacrifice of flower beds to vegetables are to be noted. But War changes are +sometimes disconcerting, even when they are most salutary. For example, +there is the _cri de coeur_ of a passenger on a Clydebank tramcar in +Glasgow on Saturday night, with a lady conductor: "I canna jist bottom +this, Tam. It's Seterday nicht an' this is the Clydebank caur, an' there's +naebody singin' an' naebody fechtin' wi' the conductor." Liquor control +evidently does mean something. + + +[Illustration: A HANDY MAN + +MARINE;(somewhat late for parade): "At six o'clock I was a bloomin' +'ousemaid: at seven o'clock I was a bloomin' valet; at eight o'clock I was +a bloomin' waiter; an' _now_ I'm a bloomin' soldier!"] + +The War vocabulary grows and grows. "Pipsqueaks," "crumps" and "Jack +Johnsons," picturesque equivalents for unpleasant things, have long been +familiar even to arm-chair experts. The strangely named "Archie," and +"Pacifist," the dismay of scholars--a word "mean as what it's meant to +mean"--now come to be added to the list. A new and admirable explanation of +the R.F.A., "Ready for anyfink," is attributed to a street Arab. Our +children are mostly lapped in blissful ignorance, but their comments are +often illuminating. As, for instance, the suggestion of a small child asked +to give her idea of a suitable future for Germany and the Kaiser: "After +the war I wouldn't let Heligoland belong to anybody. I would put the +Germans there, and they should dig and dig and dig until it was all dug +into the sea. The Kaiser should be sent to America, and they should be as +rude as they liked to him. If he went in a train no one was to offer him a +seat; he was to hang on to a strap, and he is to be called Mr. Smith." +Cooks are being bribed to stay by the gift of War Bonds. Smart fashionables +are flocking to munition works, and some of them sometimes are not +unnaturally growing almost frightened at the organising talents they are +developing. So are other people. + +A vigorous campaign against flies has been initiated by the journal which +describes itself as "that paper which gets things done." Nothing is too +small for it. Meanwhile it is announced that "Lord Northcliffe is +travelling and will be beyond the reach of correspondence until the end of +next week." Even he must have an occasional rest from his daily mail. + +We have to apologise for any suggestion to the effect that the Huns are +devoid of humour. The German Society for the Protection and Preservation of +Monuments has held a meeting in Brussels and expressed its thanks to the +German Military Authorities for the care they had taken of the Monuments in +Belgium. The function ended with an excursion to Louvain, where the +delegates, no doubt, enjoyed a happy hour in the Library. + + + +_October, 1915_. + + +September ended with the Western front once more ablaze, with bitter +fighting at Loos and a great French offensive in Champagne. With October +the focus of interest and anxiety shifts to the Balkans. Austrian armies, +stiffened with Germans, have again invaded Serbia and again occupied +Belgrade. The Allies have landed at Salonika, and Ferdinand of Bulgaria has +declared war on Serbia. Thus a new theatre of war has been opened, and +though it is well to be rid of a treacherous neutral, the conflict enters +on a fresh and formidable phase. When Ferdinand went to Bulgaria he is said +to have resolved that if ever there were to be any assassinations he would +be on the side of the assassins. He has been true to his word ever since +the removal of Stamboloff: + + Here stands the Moslem with his brutal sword + Still red and reeking with Armenia's slaughter; + Here, fresh from Belgium's wastes, the Christian Lord, + His heart unsated by the wrong he wrought her; + And you between them, on your brother's track, + Sworn, for a bribe, to stick him in the back. + +France and England have declared their intention of rendering all possible +help to Serbia in her new ordeal, but Greece, false to her treaty with +Serbia, and dominated by a pro-German Court and Government, hampers us at +every turn. "'Tis Greece, but living Greece no more." So Byron sang, and a +Byron _de nos jours_ adds a new stanza to his appeal: + + Lo, a new curse--the Teuton bane! + Again rings out the trumpet call; + France, England, Russia, joined again, + For freedom fight, for Greece, for all; + And Greece--shall she that call ignore? + Then is she living Greece no more! + +Life in the trenches grows more strenuous as the output of high explosive +increases, and the daily toll of our best and bravest makes grievous +reading for the elders at home, "who linger here and droop beneath the +heavy burden of our years," though many of them cheerfully undertake the +thankless fatigues of guarding the King's highway as specials. But letters +from the front still show the same genius for making light of hardship and +deadly peril, the same happy gift of extracting amusement from trivial +incidents. So those who spend their days and nights under heavy shell fire +and heavy rain write to tell you that "tea is the dominating factor of +war," or that "the mushrooming and ratting in their latest quarters" are +satisfactory. And even the wounded, in comparing the hazards of London with +those at the front, only indulge in mild irony at the expense of the +"staunch dare-devil souls who stay at home." + +In Parliament Sir Edward Carson has explained the reasons of his +resignation of office--his difference from his colleagues in the +difficulties arising in the Eastern theatre of war; and a resolution has +been placed on the order-book proposing the appointment of a Committee of +Inquiry on the Dardanelles campaign. No abatement of the plague of +questions is yet noticeable, but some slight excuse may be found for the +"ragging" of the Censor. This anonymous worthy, it appears, recently +excised the words "and the Kings" from the well-known line in Mr. Kipling's +"Recessional": + + The Captains and the Kings depart. + +Apparently the Censor cannot admit any reference to the movements of +royalty. + +[Illustration: REALISATION + +("When I went to Bulgaria I resolved that if there were to be any +assassinations I would be on the side of the assassins." +STATEMENT BY FERDINAND.)] + +When the Kaiser was at Windsor in 1891 he told the Eton College Volunteers +he was glad to see so many of them taking an interest in the study of arms, +and hoped that if ever they had to draw their swords in earnest they would +use them to some purpose for their country. Now that there are three +thousand Etonians at the front he is beginning to be sorry he spoke. The +Kaiser, by his own confession, is sorry in another way. He has told a +Socialist deputy, "with tears in his eyes," that he was sincerely sorry for +France, which was "the greatest disappointment of his life." Even +crocodiles sometimes speak the truth unwittingly. Meanwhile the Hamburg +_Fremdenblatt_ asserts that, "We Germans would gladly follow the +Kaiser's lead through the very gates of hell, were it necessary." The +qualification is surely superfluous, in the light of the murder of the +heroic English hospital matron, Edith Cavell, at Brussels on October 12. +Her life was one long act of mercy. She died with unshaken fortitude after +the mockery of a trial on a charge of having assisted fugitive British and +Belgian prisoners to escape. But her great offence was that she was +English. The names of her chief assassins are General Baron von Biasing, +the Governor of Brussels, General von Sauberschweig, the Military Governor, +and the Baron von der Lancken, the Head of the Political Department. Many +years will pass before the echoes of that volley fired at dawn in a +Brussels prison yard will die away. + +[Illustration: LANDLADY; "'Ere's the Zeppelins, sir!" LODGER: "Right-o! Put +'em down outside."] + +A new phase has been reached in the Conscription controversy, and the +burning question appears to be whether the necessary men are to be +compelled to volunteer or persuaded to be compulsorily enrolled. One of our +novelist military experts, who is not always lucky with figures, though he +thoroughly enjoys them, is alleged to have discovered that there are no +more men than can be raised by conscription, but that the same does not, of +course, apply to the voluntary system. + +The _Daily Mail_ asks, "Have we a Foreign Office?" We understand that +a search-party is going carefully through Carmelite House. We have +certainly got a Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, so efficient in the +discharge of his duties that he has made himself an accomplished landscape +painter in three months. + +A visitor to a remote East Anglian village in search of rest has found +recreation in discussing with the inhabitants the Great War, of which he +found some of them had heard. "Them there Zett'lins," said one old woman, +"I almost shruk as I heerd the mucky varmints a-shovellin' on the +coals--dare, dare! How my pore heart did beat!" And an onlooker, who had +seen a bomb drop near a church, informed the visitor that it "fared to him +like the body of the chach a-floatin' away--that it did and all! It made a +clangin' like a covey of lorries with their innards broke loose." Another +inhabitant said that he had two boys fighting. "One on 'em is in France, +wherever that might be, and Jimmy's in that hare old Dardelles." He +couldn't rightly say when the elder had gone out, "but it might be a yare +ago come muck-spreadin'." + + + +_November_, 1915. + + +More money and more men is still the cry. The war is now costing five +millions a day, and the new vote of credit for £400,000,000 will only carry +us on till the middle of February. This is "Derby's Day," and the new +Director of Recruiting inspires confidence in his ability to make good, in +spite of the Jeremiads of Lord Courtney and Lord Loreburn. The lot of a +Coalition Government is never easy, and public opinion clamours not for +Jeremiahs but for Jonahs to lighten the Ship of State. Mr. Winston +Churchill, wearying of his sinecure at the Duchy of Lancaster, has resigned +office, explained himself in a long speech, and rejoined his regiment at +the Western front. Lord Fisher, whose doubts and hesitations about the +Dardanelles expedition were referred to by the late First Lord, has been +content to leave his record of sixty-one years' service in the hands of his +countrymen. In the briefest maiden speech ever delivered in either House he +stated that it was "unfitting to make personal explanations affecting the +national interest when my country is in the midst of a great war." Here at +least the traditions of the "Silent Service" have been worthily maintained, +just as they are maintained by the Port Officer R.N.R. at an Oriental +seaport, a thousand miles from the front, out of the limelight, with no +chance of glory, with fever from morn till night, who "worries along by the +grace of God and the blessing of cheap cheroots." + +In Flanders the rain has begun its winter session, and, as a military +humorist put it, trench warfare is becoming a constant drain. The problem +of parapet mending has been reduced to arithmetical form _à la_ +Colenso, as follows: "If two inches of rain per diem brings down one +quarter of a company's parapet, and one company, working about twenty-six +hours per diem, can revet one-eighth of a company's parapet, how long will +your trenches last--given the additional premisses that no revetments to +speak of are to be had, and that two inches of rain is only a minimum +ration?" The infantryman finds the men of the R.F.C. interesting and +stimulating companions. "These airy fellows talk of war as if it were a +day's shooting, and they the cock pheasants with the best of the fun up +aloft. Upon my word, the hen who hatched such birds should be a proud, if +anxious, mother." The same correspondent sends a pleasant account of the +mutual estimates of French and English, prompted by their experiences as +brothers in arms. "Our idea of our Ally as a soldier is that his +_élan_ and gay courage are very much more remarkable even than +supposed; but for the dull, heavy work of continued warfare there is +wanted, if we may say so without offence, the more stolid qualities of the +English. On the other hand, the French opinion of their Ally as a soldier +is that his dash and devilment are really astonishing, even to the most +expectant critic; but for the sordid, monotonous strain of this trench +business it needs (a thousand pardons!) the duller persistence of the +French." + +[Illustration: THE PERSUADING OF TINO] + +In Greece the quick change of Premiers proceeds with kaleidoscopic +rapidity. The attitude of the successive Prime Ministers has been described +as (1) Tender and affectionate neutrality toward the Entente Powers; (2) +Malevolent impartiality toward the Central Powers; (3) Inert cupidity +toward all the belligerent Powers; (4) Genial inability; (5) Strict +pusillanimity. + +Lord Milner has gone so far in the House of Lords as to say that "such war +news as is published has from first to last been seriously misleading." The +Balkan intelligence that is allowed to reach us does not exactly deserve +this censure. To call it misleading would be too high praise; it seldom +rises beyond a level of blameless irrelevance. It is hardly a burlesque of +the facts to say that a cable from Amsterdam informs us that the Copenhagen +correspondent of the _Echo de Paris_ learns from Salonika, _viâ_ +Lemnos and Nijni Novgorod, that in high official circles in Bukarest it is +rumoured that in Constantinople the situation is considered grave; and then +we are warned that too much credence must not be given to this report. The +number of Censors at the Press Bureau being exactly forty, and their minute +knowledge of English literature having been displayed on several occasions, +it is said that Sir John Simon contemplates their incorporation as an +Academy of "Immortals--for the duration of the War." + +[Illustration: PADDY (who has had his periscope smashed by a bullet): "Sure +there's seven years' bad luck for the poor devil that broke that, anyhow."] + +Mr. Punch's Correspondent "Blanche" sends distressing details of some of +the new complaints contracted by smart war workers. These include +munition-wrists, shell-makers' crouch, neuro-committee-itis, and +Zeppelin-eye through looking up into the sky too long with a telescope. + +A great deal depends on what you look at and what you look through. Thus +Mr. Walter Long says that when he reads carping criticisms upon the conduct +of the War he looks through his window at the people in the street and is +always surprised to see the quiet steadfast manner in which they are going +about their business. It is a good plan, but not always successful. The +Kaiser got his view of the Irish people through a Casement, and it was +entirely erroneous. + +The _Cologne Gazette_ has stated that "there is in England no real +soldiers' humour such as we have." Certainly we have nothing like it, +though we confess to preferring the home-grown brand. + + + +_December, 1915_ + + +Kut and Ctesiphon, Ctesiphon and Kut. Thus may the events of the last month +in Mesopotamia, no longer a "blessed word," be expressed in a bald formula, +which takes no account of the unavailing heroism of General Townshend's +small but splendid force. Things have not been going well in the East. The +Allies have been unable to save Serbia, Monastir has fallen, and our lines +have been withdrawn to Salonika. The experts are now divided into two +camps, the Westerners and the Easterners, and the former, pointing to the +evacuation of Gallipoli, are loud in their denunciations of costly +"side-shows," and the folly of strengthening Germany's hold on Turkey by +killing out the Turks, instead of concentrating all our forces on killing +the Germans on the Western front. The time is not yet come to decide which +is right. But all are agreed with the British officer who described the +Australian soldier at Gallipoli as "the bravest thing God ever made," and +so prompted these lines: + + Bravest, where half a world of men + Are brave beyond all earth's rewards, + So stoutly none shall charge again + Till the last breaking of the swords; + Wounded or hale, won home from war, + Or yonder by the Lone Pine laid; + Give him his due for evermore-- + "The bravest thing God ever made!" + +Though the wings of the angel of Peace cannot be heard, peace kite-flying +has already begun in Vienna, but Germany is anxious to represent it as +unauthorised and improper. Mr. Henry Ford's voyage to Europe on the +_Oscar II_ with a strangely assorted group of Pacificists does more +credit to his heart than his head, and the conflicting elements in his +party have earned for his ship the name of "The Tug of Peace." Anyhow, +England is taking no risks on the strength of these irregular "overtures." +A vote has been passed for a further increase of our "contemptible little +Army" to four millions; and the manufacture of high explosive goes on in an +ever-increasing ratio. Sir Douglas Haig has succeeded Sir John French as +Commander-in-Chief of our Armies in France; Sir William Robertson is the +new Chief of Staff--Scotsmen both of the finest type--and the appointments +are universally approved, even by the _Daily Mail_. The temper of the +men in France is well hit off by an officer when he says that "Atkins is +really best when an ordinary mortal might be contemplating suicide or +desertion." And officers arriving on leave at Victoria at 2 A.M. are driven +to the conclusion that they are sent back to England from time to time to +check their optimism, which at the front survives even being sent to +so-called rest camps in the middle of a malodorous marsh for nine hours' +military training _per diem_. The "philosophy of Thomas" is +inscrutable, but no doubt he derives satisfaction from comparisons: + + If we're standin' in two foot o' water, you see + Quite likely the Boches are standin' in three; + An' though the keen frost may be ticklin' our toes, + 'Oo doubts that the Boches' 'ole bodies is froze? + + So 'ere's our philosophy, simple an' plain: + Wotever we 'ates in the bloomin' campaign, + 'Tis balm to our souls, as we grumble an' cuss, + To feel that the Boches are 'atin' it wuss. + +Hardest of all is the lot of the trooper in the trenches, who "thinks all +day and dreams all night of a slap-bang, tally-ho! open fight," but for the +time being "like a blinded mole toils in a furrow and lives in a hole." + +[Illustration: AN UNAUTHORISED FLIRTATION + +THE KAISER (to Austrian Emperor): "Franz! Franz! I'm surprised and +pained."] + +The National Thrift campaign is carried on with great earnestness in +Parliament. Luxury, waste, unnecessary banquets, high legal salaries have +all come under the lash of the economy hunters. Of the maxim that "Charity +begins, at home," they have, however, so far shown no appreciation beyond +abstaining from voting any addition to their salary of £400 a year. Mr. +Asquith's announcement that he takes his salary, and is going to continue +taking it, has naturally lifted a great weight from the minds of these +vicarious champions of economy. + +[Illustration: TOMMY (finding a German prisoner who speaks English): "Look +what you done to me, you blighters! 'Ere--'ave a cigarette?"] + +Evidence of the chastened condition of the enemy is to be found in the +statement on the official notepaper of Wolff's Telegraphic Bureau "that it +assumes no responsibility of any kind for the accuracy of the news which it +circulates." But there is no confirmation of the report that its dispatches +will in future be known as "Lamb's Tales." The German Imperial Chancellor +has replied to an appeal from a deputation of German Roman Catholics on +behalf of the Armenians that "The German Government, in friendly +communication with the Turkish Government, has been at constant pains to +better the situation of Turkey's Christian subjects." Thanks to this +friendly intervention, more than half a million Armenians will never suffer +again from Turkish misrule. + + +Mr. Roosevelt has added to the picturesqueness of political invective by +describing Mr. Wilson's last Presidential message as "worthy of a Byzantine +logothete." It is not often that one finds a rough-rider and ex-cowboy who +is able to tackle a don in his own lingo. But Tommy at the front manages to +converse with the _poilu_ without any vocabulary at all: + + I met a chap the other day a-roostin' in a trench, + 'E didn't know a word of ours nor me a word of French, + An' 'ow it was we managed--well, I cannot understand, + But I never used the phrase-book, though I 'ad it in my hand. + + I winked at 'im to start with; 'e grinned from ear to ear; + An' 'e says "Tipperary," an' I says "Sooveneer"; + 'E 'ad my only Woodbine, I 'ad 'is thin cigar, + Which set the ball a-rollin', an' so--well, there you are! + + I showed 'im next my wife an' kids, 'e up an' showed me 'is, + Them funny little Frenchy kids with 'air all in a frizz; + "Annette," 'e says, "Louise," 'e says, an' 'is tears began to fall; + We was comrades when we parted, but we'd 'ardly spoke at all. + + + +_January, 1916_. + + +The New Year brings us a mixed bag of tricks, good and bad. Our armies grow +in numbers and efficiency, in men and munitions. The new Commander-in-Chief +on the Western front, and his new Chief of Staff, inspire confidence in all +ranks, combatant and non-combatant. John Ward, the Labour Member, hitherto +a strong opponent of conscription, and now a full-blown Colonel, has +hurried over from the front to defend the Compulsory Service Bill in a +manly and animated speech, and the Bill, despite the "Pringling" and +pacificism of a small but local minority, has passed through Committee. + +Against these encouraging omens we have to set the complete evacuation of +Gallipoli, the scene of unparalleled heroism and unavailing sacrifice, the +fall of Monastir, the overrunning of Serbia, labour troubles on the Clyde, +and the ignominious exemption of Ireland from the Military Service Bill. +General Townshend, _rebus angustis animosus_--"in a tight place but +full of beans"--is besieged in Kut, and the relieving forces have not been +able to dislodge the Turks. Climate and weather and _terrain_ are all +against us. + +Humanitarian Pacificists are much impressed by Germany's piteous +lamentations over the brutality of the blockade. In these appeals to +America optimists detect signs of cracking. Cooler observers explain them +as evidence of her policy of shamming dead. + +English mothers who have lost their only sons cannot be expected to show +sympathy for an Emperor who combines the professions of a Jekyll with the +ferocity of a Hyde. Yet few of them would rewrite the record of these short +lives; their pride is greater than their pain. + +While the daily toll of life is heavy, War, shorn of its pomp and +pageantry, drags wearily in the trenches. The Lovelace of to-day is a +troglodyte, biding his time patiently, but often a prey to _ennui_. +This is how he writes to Lucasta to correct the portrait painted by her +fancy: + + Above, the sky is very grey, the world is very damp. + His light the sun denies by day, the moon by night her lamp; + Across the landscape, soaked and sad, the dull guns answer back, + And through the twilight's futile hush spasmodic rifles crack. + + The papers haven't come to-day to show how England feels; + The hours go lame and languidly between our Spartan meals; + We've written letters till we're tired, with not a thing to tell + Except that nothing's doing, weather beastly, writer well. + + So when you feel for us out here--as well I know you will-- + Then sympathise with thousands for their country sitting still; + Don't picture battle-pieces by the lurid Press adored, + But miles and miles of Britishers, in burrows, badly bored. + +[Illustration: + +FOR NEUTRALS + +"Why do we torpedo passenger ships? Because we are being starved by the +infamous English." + + +FOR NATIVES + +"Who says we are in distress? Look what our splendid organisation is +doing."] + +Small wonder that Lovelace in the trenches envies the Flying Man: + + He rides aloof on god-like wings, + Taking no thought of wire or mud, + Saps, smells, or bugs--the mundane things + That sour our lives and have our blood. + + The roads we trudged with feet of lead, + The shadows of his pinions skim; + The river where we piled our dead + Is but a silver thread to him. + +Lovelace in the air might tell another story; but both are at one with +their prototype in the spirit which made him say: "I could not love thee, +dear, so much, loved I not honour more," though neither of them would say +it. + +In this context one may add that the Flying Men are not alone in exciting +envy. Bread is the staff of life, and in the view of certain officers in +the trenches the life of the Staff is one long loaf. + +The discussion on the withdrawal of Members' salaries has died down. The +incident is now buried, and here is its epitaph: + + Some three-score years or so ago six hundred gallant men + Made a charge that cost old England dear; they lost four hundred then: + To-day six hundred make a charge that costs the country dear, + But now they take four hundred each--four hundred pounds a year. + +Our journalists have been visiting the Fleet, and one of them, in a burst +of candour tempered with caution, declares that "one would like to describe +much more than one has seen, but that is impossible." Some other +correspondents have found no such difficulty. But for admirable candour +commend us to the _Daily Mail_ of December 24, where we read, "The +_Daily Mail_ will not be published to-morrow, and for that reason we +seize the occasion to-day of bidding our readers a Merry Christmas"--and a +very good reason too. Mr. Punch is glad to reprint a ten-year-old girl's +essay on "Patriotism": "Patriotism is composed of patriots, and they are +people who live in Ireland and want Mr. Redmond or other people to be King +of Ireland. They are very brave, some of them, and are so called after St. +Patrick, who is Ireland's private saint. The patriots who are brave make +splendid soldiers. The patriots who are not brave go to America." And here +is a topical extract from a letter written to a loved one from the Front: + +"I received your dear little note in a sandbag. You say that you hope the +sandbag stops a bullet. Well, to tell the truth, I hope it don't, as I have +been patching my trousers with it." + +[Illustration: + +TOMMY (dictating letter to be sent to his wife): "The nurses here are a +very plain lot--" + +NURSE: "Oh, come! I say! That's not very polite to us." + +TOMMY: "Never mind. Nurse, put it down. It'll please her!"] + +Tommy is adding to his other great qualities that of diplomacy, to judge +from the incident illustrated above. + + + +_February, 1916_. + + +The Epic of the Dardanelles is closed; that of Verdun has begun, and all +eyes are focused on the tremendous struggle for the famous fortress. The +Crown Prince has still his laurels to win, and it is clear that no +sacrifice of German "cannon fodder" will be too great to deter him from +pushing the stroke home. Fort Douaumont has fallen, and the hill of the +Mort Homme has already terribly justified its cadaverous name. The +War-lords of Germany are sorely in need of a spectacular success even +though they purchase it at a great price, for they are very far from having +everything their own way. Another Colony has gone the way of Tsing-tau, New +Guinea and South-West Africa. The German Kamerun has cried "Kamerad!" +General Smuts, like Botha, "Boer and Briton too," has gone off to take +command in East Africa, and in the Caucasus Erzerum has fallen to the +Russians. The Kaiser is reported to be bitterly disappointed with Allah. + +Sir Edward Grey is not altogether satisfied with the conduct of the Neutral +Powers. He has no desire to make things as irksome to them as some of his +critics desire. But he has pointed out that in the matter of preventing +supplies from reaching the enemy by circuitous routes Great Britain has her +own work to do, and means to do it thoroughly. + +The miraculous forbearance of President Wilson, in face of the activities +of Count Bernstorff, is even more trying to a good many of his countrymen +than it is to the belligerent Briton. Mr. Roosevelt, for instance, derives +no satisfaction from being the fellow-countryman of a man who can "knock +spots" off Job for patience. The _New York Life_ has long criticised +the President with a freedom far eclipsing anything in the British Press. +It has now crowned its "interventionist" campaign by a "John Bull number," +the most generous and graceful tribute ever paid to England by the American +Press. + +[Illustration: THE CHALLENGE + +"Halt! Who comes there?" "Neutral." "Prove it!" + +"What I would say to Neutrals is this: Do they admit our right to apply the +principles which were applied by the American Government in the war between +North and South--to apply those principles to modern conditions and to do +our best to prevent trade with the enemy through neutral countries? If the +answer is that we are not entitled to do that, then I must say definitely +it is a departure from neutrality."--SIR EDWARD GREY.] + +[Illustration: + +GRANNIE (dragged out of bed at 1.30 a.m., and being hurriedly dressed as +the bombs begin to fall): "Nancy, these stockings are not a pair."] + +The Military Service Bill has passed through both Houses, and may be +trusted to hasten still further the amazing growth of our once +"contemptible little" Army. The pleasantest incident during the month at +Westminster has been the tribute paid to the gallantry and self-sacrifice +of the officers and men of our mercantile marine. The least satisfactory +aspect of Parliamentary activity has been the ventilation of silly rumours +at Question time, in which Mr. Ginnell has been so well to the fore as to +suggest some subtle connection between cattle-driving and hunting for +mares' nests. + +Steps have already been taken to restrict the imports of luxuries, and +Ministers are believed to be unanimous in regarding "ginger" as an article +whose importation might be profitably curtailed. It has been calculated +that the annual expenses saved by the closing of the London Museums and +Galleries amount to about one-fifth of the public money spent on the +salaries of Members of Parliament. In other words: + + Let Art and Science die, + But give us still our old Loquacity. + +Intellectual retrenchment, of course, is desirable, + + But let us still keep open one collection + Of curiosities and quaint antiques, + Under immediate Cabinet direction-- + The finest specimens of talking freaks, + Who constitute our most superb museum, + Judged by the salaries with which we fee 'em. + +Lord Sumner, however, seems to have no illusions on this score. He is +reported to have said that "if the House of Lords and the House of Commons +could be taken and thrown into a volcano every day the loss represented +would be less than the daily loss of the campaign." It sounds a drastic +remedy, but might be worth trying. + +Field-Marshal Lord French has taken over the responsibility for home +defence against enemy aircraft, with Sir Percy Scott as his expert adviser. +But the status of Sir Percy, who, as officially announced, "has not quite +left the Admiralty and has not quite joined the War Office," seems to +suggest "a kind of giddy harumfrodite--soldier an' sailor too." + +The War fosters the study of natural and unnatural history. + +[Illustration: FIRST LADY: "That's one of them Australian soldiers." + +SECOND LADY: "How do you know?" + +FIRST LADY: "Why, can't you see the Kangaroo feathers in his hat?"] + +Many early nestings are recorded as the result of mild weather, and at +least one occasional visitor _(Polonius bombifer_) has laid eggs in +various parts of the country. + + + +_March_, 1916. + + +The month of the War god has again justified its name and its traditions. +Both entry and exit have been leonine. The new submarine "frightfulness" +began on the 1st, and the battle round Verdun, in which the fate of Paris, +to say the least, is involved, has raged with unabated fury throughout the +entire month. + +Germany's junior partners, Turkey and Bulgaria, are for the moment more +concerned with bleeding Germany than with shedding their blood for her; +Enver Pasha is reported to have gone to pay a visit to the tomb of the +Prophet at Medina; Portugal, our oldest ally, is now officially at war with +Germany, and the dogs of frightfulness are already toasting "_der +Tagus_." + +On our share of the Western front there is still what is nominally +described as a "lull." But, as a young Officer writes, "you must not +imagine that life here is all honey. Even here we do a bit for our +eight-and-sixpence." Once upon a time billets were billets. They now very +often admit of being shelled with equal exactitude from due in front and +due in rear, and water is laid on throughout. "It is a fact well known to +all our most widely circulated photographic dailies that the German gunners +waste a power of ammunition. The only criticism I have to make is that I +wish they would waste it more carefully. The way they go strewing the stuff +about around us is such that they're bound to hit someone or something +before long. Still, we have only two more days in these trenches, and they +seldom give us more than ten thousand shells a day." + +[Illustration: Verdun, February--March, 1916] + +Letters from second-lieutenants seldom go beyond a gentle reminder that +their life is not an Elysium. They offer a strange contrast to the +activities of Parliamentary grousers and scapegoat hunters. If the Germans +were in occupation of the Black Country, if Oxford were being daily shelled +as Rheims is, and if with a favouring breeze London could hear the dull +rumble of the bombardment as Paris can, one wonders if Members would still +be encumbering the Order-paper with the vexatious trivialities that now +find place there, or emitting what a patriotic Labour Member picturesquely +described as "the croakings and bleatings of the fatted lambs who have +besmirched their country." _Per contra_ we welcome the optimism of Mr. +Asquith in discussing new Votes of Credit, though he reminds us of Micawber +calculating his indebtedness for the benefit of Traddles. It will be +remembered that when the famous IOU had been handed over, Copperfield +remarked, "I am persuaded not only that this was quite the same to Mr. +Micawber as paying the money, but that Traddles himself hardly knew the +difference until he had had time to think about it." Then we have had the +surprising but welcome experience of Mr. Tim Healy championing the +Government against Sir John Simon's attack on the Military Service Bill; +and have listened to Lord Montagu of Beaulieu's urgent plea in the Lords +for unity of air control, a proposal which Lord Haldane declared could not +be adopted without some "violent thinking." Most remarkable of all has been +Mr. Churchill's intervention in the debate on the Naval Estimates, his +gloomy review of the situation--Mr. Churchill is always a pessimist when +out of office--and the marvellous magnanimity of his suggestion that Lord +Fisher should be reinstated at the Admiralty, on the ground that his former +antagonist was the only possible First Sea Lord. Mr. Balfour dealt so +faithfully with these criticisms and suggestions that there seems to be no +truth in the report that Mr. Churchill has been asked to join the +Government as Minister of Admonitions. A new and coruscating star has swum +into our Parliamentary ken in the shape of the Member for Mid-Herts, and +astronomers have labelled it "Pegasus [Greek: pi beta]." When the House of +Commons passed the Bill prohibiting duels it ought to have made an +exception in favour of its own Members. Nothing would have done more to +raise the tone of debate, for offenders against decorum would gradually +have eliminated one another. Yet Parliament has its merits, not the least +of them being the scope it still affords for hereditary talent. Lord Derby, +at the moment the most prominent man on the Home Front after the Premier, +is the grandson of the "Rupert of Debate," and the new Minister of Blockade +enters on his duties close on fifty years after another Lord Robert Cecil +entered the Cabinet of Lord Derby. So history repeats itself with a +difference. In spite of the Coalition, or perhaps because of it, the old +strife of Whigs and Tories has revived, though the lines of cleavage are +quite different from what they were. Thus the new Tories are the men who +believe that the War is going to be decided by battles in Flanders and the +North Sea, and would sacrifice everything for victory, even the privilege +of abusing the Government. The new Whigs are the men who consider that the +House of Commons is the decisive arena, and that even the defeat of the +Germans would be dearly purchased at the cost of the individual's right to +say and do what he pleased. + +[Illustration: "He's kicked the Corporal!" + +"He's kicked the Vet.!!" + +"He's kicked the Transport Officer!!!" + +"He's kicked the Colonel!!!!" + +MULE HUMOUR] + +[Illustration: THE VICAR: "These Salonikans, Mrs. Stubbs, are, of course, +the Thessalonians to whom St. Paul wrote his celebrated letters." + +MRS. STUBBS: "Well, I 'ope 'e'd better luck with 'is than I 'ave. I sent my +boy out there three letters and two parcels, and I ain't got no answer to +'em yet."] + +After the exhibition of Mr. Augustus John's portrait of Mr. Lloyd George, +the most startling personal event of the month has been the dismissal of +Grand Admiral Tirpitz. According to one account, he resigned because he +could not take the German Fleet out. According to another, it was because +he could no longer take the German people in. + +At Oxford the Hebdomadal Council have suspended the filling of the +Professorship of Modern Greek for six months. Apparently there is no one +about just now who understands the modern Greek. A French correspondent +puts it somewhat differently: "_La Grèce Antique_: Hellas. _La Grèce +Moderne_: Hélas!" + + + +_April, 1916_. + + +Who would have thought when the month opened that at its close a new front +within the Four Seas would be added to our far-flung line, Dublin's finest +street half ruined, Ireland placed under martial law? Certainly not Mr. +Birrell or Mr. Redmond or the Irish Nationalist Members. The staunchest +Unionist would acquit Mr. William O'Brien of any menace when in the Budget +Debate, three weeks before the Rebellion of Easter Week, he gave it as his +opinion that Ireland ought to be omitted from the Budget altogether. So, +too, with Mr. Tim Healy, whose principal complaint was that the tax on +railway tickets would put a premium on foreign travel; that people would go +to Paris instead of Dublin, and Switzerland instead of Killarney. No, so +far as the Government and Ireland's Parliamentary representatives went, it +was a bolt from the blue--or the green. Mr. Birrell, Chief Secretary for +Ireland for nine years, a longer period than any of his predecessors, has +shown himself conspicuous at once by his absence and his innocence, and +England in her hour of need, with the submarine peril daily growing and all +but starved out after a heroic defence, stands to pay dearly for the +privilege of entrusting the administration of Ireland to an absentee +humorist. + +On the Western front Verdun still rivets all eyes. The German hordes are +closing in on the fortress, but at a heavier cost for each mile gained than +they have ever paid before. + +Germany's colossal effort would inspire admiration as well as respect if +she would only fight clean. The ugly stories of her treatment of prisoners +have now culminated in the terrible record of the typhus-stricken camp at +Wittenberg, where the German doctors deserted their post. + +[Illustration: THE REPUDIATION + +Martin Luther (to Shakespeare): "I see my countrymen claim you as one of +them. You may thank God that you're not that. They have made my +Wittenberg--ay, and all Germany--to stink in my nostrils."] + +[Illustration: THE GRAPES OF VERDUN + +THE OLD FOX: "You don't seem to be getting much nearer them?" + +THE CUB: "No, Father. Hadn't we better give it out that they're sour?"] + +The report of Mr. Justice Younger's Committee, in which the tale of this +atrocity is fully told, is being circulated in neutral countries, and Mr. +Will Thorne has suggested that it should also be sent to our conscientious +objectors. It is well to administer some sort of corrective to the +information diffused by the neutral newsmonger: + + Who cheers us when we're in the blues, + With reassuring German news, + Of starving Berliners in queues? + The Neutral. + + And then, soon after, tells us they + Are feeding nicely all the day, + And in the old familiar way? + The Neutral. + + Who sees the Kaiser in Berlin, + Dejected, haggard, old as sin, + And shaking in his hoary skin? + The Neutral. + + Then says he's quite a Sunny Jim, + That buoyant health and youthful vim + Are sticking out all over him? + The Neutral. + + Who tells us tales of Krupp's new guns, + Much larger than the other ones, + And endless trains chock-full of Huns? + The Neutral. + + And then, when our last hope has fled, + Declares the Huns are either dead + Or hopelessly dispirited? + The Neutral. + + In short, who seems to be a blend + Of Balaam's Ass, the bore's godsend, + And _Mrs. Gamp's_ elusive friend? + The Neutral. + +In Parliament we have had the biggest Budget ever known introduced in the +shortest Budget speech of the last half-century, at any rate. Mr. Pemberton +Billing is doing his best every Tuesday to bring the atmosphere of the +aerodrome into the House. Mr. Tennant has promised his sympathetic +consideration to Mr. Billing's offer personally to organise raids on the +enemy's aircraft bases, and the House is bearing up as well as can be +expected under the shadow of this impending bereavement. Mr. Swift MacNeill +is busy with his patriotic effort to purge the roll of the Lords of the +peerages now held by enemy dukes. For the rest, up to Easter Week, the +Parliamentary situation has been described as "a cabal every afternoon and +a crisis every second day." + +It is one of the strange outcomes of this wonderful time that there is more +gaiety as well as more suffering in hospitals during the War than in peace. +Certainly such a request would never have been heard in normal years as +that recently made by a nurse to a roomful of irrepressible Tommies at a +private hospital: + +"A message has just come in to ask if the hospital will make a little less +noise as the lady next door has a touch of headache." + +For shouting "The Zepps are coming!" a Grimsby girl has been fined £1. It +was urged in defence that the girl suffered from hallucinations, one being +that she was a daily newspaper proprietor. But the recent Zeppelin raids +have not been without their advantages. In a spirit of emulation an +ambitious hen at Acton has laid an egg weighing 5-1/4 oz. + +[Illustration: + +VISITOR (at Private Hospital): "Can I see Lieutenant Barker, please?" + +MATRON: "We do not allow ordinary visiting. May I ask if you are a +relative?" + +VISITOR (boldly): "Oh, yes! I'm his sister." + +MATRON: "Dear me! I'm very glad to meet you. _I'm his mother_."] + + + +_May, 1916_. + + +Verdun still holds out: that is the best news of the month. The French with +inexorable logic continue to exact the highest price for the smallest gain +of ground. If the Germans are ready to give 100,000 men for a hill or part +of a hill they may have it. If they will give a million men they may +perhaps have Verdun itself. But so far their Pyrrhic victories have stopped +short of this limit, and Verdun, like Ypres, battered, ruined and evacuated +by civilians, remains a symbol of Allied tenacity and the will to resist. + +The months in war-time sometimes belie their traditions, but it is fitting +that in May we should have enlisted a new Ally--the Sun. The Daylight +Saving Bill became Law on May 17. Here is a true economy, and our only +regret is that Mr. Willett, the chief promoter of a scheme complacently +discussed during his lifetime as ingenious but impracticable, should not +have lived to witness its swift and unmurmuring acceptance under stress of +war. + +The official _communiqués_ from the Irish Front in the earlier stages +of the Dublin rebellion did not long maintain their roseate complexion. +Even before the end of April a Secret Session--the second in a week--was +held to discuss the Irish situation. By a strange coincidence this Secret +Session immediately followed the grant by the Commons of a Return relating +to Irish Lunacy accounts. From the meagre official summary we gather that +the absence of reporters has at least the negative advantage of shortening +speeches. In a very few days, however, the Prime Minister discarded +reticence, admitting the gravity of the situation, the prevalence of street +fighting, the spread of the insurrection in the West, the appointment of +Sir John Maxwell to the supreme command, and the placing of the Irish +Government under his orders. The inevitable sequel--the execution of the +responsible insurrectionist leaders--has led to vehement protests from +Messrs. Dillon and O'Brien against militarist brutality. The House of +Commons is a strange place. When Mr. Birrell rose on May 3 to give an +account of his nine years' stewardship, the Unionists, and not the +Unionists alone, were thinking of a lamp-post in Whitehall. When he had +concluded his pathetic apologia and confessed his failure to estimate +accurately the strength of Sinn Fein, members were almost ready to fall on +his neck, but they no longer wanted his head. + +[Illustration: HELD:] + +[Illustration: WANTED--A ST. PATRICK + +ST. AUGUSTINE BIRRELL: "I'm afraid I'm not so smart as my brother-saint at +dealing with this kind of thing. I'm apt to take reptiles too lightly."] + +Even Sir Edward Carson admitted that Mr. Birrell had been well intentioned +and had done his best. By the middle of the month Mr. Asquith had gone to +Ireland, in the hope of discovering some arrangement for the future which +would commend itself to all parties. By the 25th he was back in his place +after nine days in Dublin. But he had no panacea of his own to prescribe; +no cut-and-dried plan for the regeneration of Ireland. All he could say was +that Mr. Lloyd George had been deputed by the Cabinet to confer with the +various Irish leaders, and the choice is generally approved. If anyone +knows how to handle high explosives without causing a premature concussion +it should be the Minister of Munitions. + +Ireland has dominated the political scene at home, for it is impossible not +to connect our new commitments across St. George's Channel with the +introduction and passing of the new Military Service Bill establishing +compulsion for all men, married or single--always excepting Ireland. The +question of man-power is paramount. Mr. Asquith is at last convinced that +"Wait and See" must yield to "Do it Now": that the nation won't have the +sword of Damocles hanging over its head any longer, but will have +compulsion in its hand at once. On the progress of the War Mr. Asquith has +said little in Open Session, but any omission on his part has been made +good by Mr. Churchill, now home on unlimited leave, who has spoken at great +length on the proper use of armies. + +Mr. Arthur Ponsonby and Mr. Ramsay MacDonald, who raised the question of +Peace on Empire Day, urging the Government to open negotiations with +Germany, have elicited from the Foreign Secretary the deliberate statement +that the only terms of peace which the German Government had ever put +forward were the terms of victory for Germany, and that we could not reason +with the German people so long as they were fed with lies. + +Mr. Henry James, who so nobly repaid the hospitality England was proud to +show him by adopting her nationality in her hour of greatest need, said +shortly before his death that nothing grieved him more than the constant +loss of England's "best blood, seed and breed." The mothers of England +"give their sons," but they know that the choice did not rest with them: + + We did not give you--all unasked you went, + Sons of a greater motherhood than ours; + To our proud hearts your young brief lives were lent, + Then swept beyond us by resistless powers. + Only we hear, when we have lost our all, + That far clear call. + +But how can the grief be measured of those + + Whose best, + Eager to serve a higher quest + And in the Great Cause know the joy of battle, + Gallant and young, by traitor hands, + Leagued with a foe from alien lands, + Struck down in cold blood, fell like butchered cattle? + +Though Ireland is not for the moment a source of humour she contrives to be +the cause of it in others. A daily paper tells us that Sir Robert Chalmers +is to be "Permanent Under-Secretary of Ireland _pro tem_." Another +daily paper, the _Daily Mail,_ to be precise, has discovered a new +test of valour: "Mr. Hellish, a regular reader of the _Daily Mail_ for +years, was awarded the V.C. last month for conspicuous bravery." + + + +_June, 1916_. + + +At last the long vigil in the North Sea has ended in the glorious if +indecisive battle of Jutland, the greatest sea fight since Trafalgar. Yet +was it indecisive? After the momentary dismay caused by the first Admiralty +_communiqué_ with its over-estimate of our losses, public confidence, +shaken where it was strongest, has been restored by further information and +by the admissions of the enemy. We have to mourn the loss of many ships, +still more the loss of splendid ships' companies and their heroic captains. +We can sympathise with the cruel disappointment of those who, after bearing +the brunt of the action, were robbed of the opportunity of overwhelming +their enemy by failing light and the exigencies of a strategy governed in +the last resort by political caution. But look at the sequel. The German +Fleet, badly battered, retires to port; and despite the paeans of +exultation from their Admirals, Kaiser, and Imperial Chancellor, remains +there throughout the month. Will it ever come out again? Meanwhile, +Wilhelmshaven is closed indefinitely, and nobody is allowed to see those +sheep in Wolff's clothing--the "victorious fleet." The true verdict, so +far as we can judge, may be expressed in homely phrase: The British Navy +has taken a knock but given a harder one. We can stand it and they can't. + +[Illustration: THE LOST CHIEF + +In Memory of Field-Marshal Earl Kitchener, Maker of Armies] + +Within a week of Jutland the Empire has been stirred to its depths by the +tragic death of Lord Kitchener in the _Hampshire_, blown up by a mine +off the Shetlands on her voyage to Archangel. On the eve of starting on his +mission to Russia his last official act had been to meet his critics of the +House of Commons face to face, reply to their questions and leave them +silenced and admiring. On the day of the battle of Jutland these critics +had moved the Prime Minister to declare that Lord Kitchener was personally +entitled to the credit for the amazing expansion of the army. Sir Mark +Sykes, no mean authority, asserted that in Germany our War Secretary was +feared as a great organiser, while in the East his name was one to conjure +with; and Sir George Reid, a worthy representative of the Dominions, +observed that his chief fault was that he was "not clever at circulating +the cheap coin of calculated civilities which enable inferior men to rise +to positions to which they are not entitled." These tributes were delivered +in his lifetime; they deserve to be contrasted with the appreciations of +those journalists who clamoured for his appointment, then clamoured for his +dismissal, and profaned his passing with their insincere eulogies. Three +weeks of Recess elapsed before the Houses could render homage to the +illustrious dead. In the Lords the debt has been paid by a statesman, Lord +Lansdowne, a soldier, Lord French, and a friend, Lord Derby. In the Commons +the speeches were all touched with genuine emotion and the sense of +personal loss. Through all these various tributes rang the note of duty +well done, and Mr. Bonar Law did well to remind the House of the sure +instinct which caused Lord Kitchener to realise at the very outset the +gigantic nature of the present War. In a sense his loss is irreparable, yet +his great work was accomplished before he died. Sometimes accused of +expecting others to achieve the impossible, he had achieved it himself in +the crowning miracle of his life, the improvisation of the New Armies. + +The violation of Greek territory by the Bulgarian troops, as might be +expected, has not led to any effective protest from King Constantine. On +the contrary, one seems to hear this benevolent neutral deprecating any +apology on the part of King Ferdinand: "Please make yourself at home. This +is Liberty Hall." + +It is otherwise with the irruption of the Russians under General Brusiloff. +His great offensive is a source of offence to the Austrians, who have good +reason to complain that the "steam-roller" is exceeding the speed limit. Or +to change the metaphor, the bear and his tormentor have changed places. + +Ireland has receded a little from her place in the limelight, and though +debates on martial law continue, and Irish members ask an inordinate number +of questions arising out of the hot Easter week in Dublin, the temperature +is no longer "98 in the shade" as a local wit described it at the time. +Ministers are extremely economical of information: the anticipated +settlement still hangs fire, and there are increasing fears that it will +not hold water. + +[Illustration: THE FAR-REACHING EFFECT OF THE RUSSIAN PUSH] + +A number of professional fortune-tellers have been fined at Southend for +having predicted Zeppelins. The fraudulent nature of their pretensions was +sufficiently manifest, since even the authorities had been unable to +foresee the Zeppelins until some time after they had arrived. + +The discussions in Parliament and out of it of the way in which things get +into the papers which oughtn't to, are dying down. A daily paper, however, +has revived them by the headline, "Cabinet leekage." Now, why, in wonder, +do they spell it in that way? + +It is quite impossible to keep pace with all the new incarnations of women +in war-time--'bus-conductress, ticket-collector, lift-girl, club waitress, +post-woman, bank clerk, motor-driver, farm-labourer, guide, munition maker. +There is nothing new in the function of ministering angel: the myriad +nurses in hospital here or abroad are only carrying out, though in greater +numbers than ever before, what has always been woman's mission. But +whenever he sees one of these new citizens, or hears fresh stories of their +address and ability, Mr. Punch is proud and delighted. Perhaps in the past, +even in the present, he may have been, or even still is, a little given to +chaff Englishwomen for some of their foibles, and even their aspirations. +But he never doubted how splendid they were at heart; he never for a moment +supposed they would be anything but ready and keen when the hour of need +struck. + +[Illustration: FARMER (who has got a lady-help in the dairy): "'Ullo, +Missy, what in the world be ye doin'?" + +LADY: "Well, you told me to water the cows, and I'm doing it. They don't +seem to like it much."] + + + +_July, 1916_. + + +On the home front we have long been accustomed to the sound of guns, small +and great, but it has come from training camps and inspires confidence +rather than anxiety. We have been spared the horrors of invasion, +occupation, wholesale devastation. In certain areas the noise of bombs and +anti-aircraft guns has grown increasingly familiar, and on our south-east +and east coasts war from the air, on the sea, and under the sea has become +more and more audible as the months pass by. But July has brought us a new +experience--the sound fifty or sixty miles inland in peaceful rural +England, amid glorious midsummer weather, of the continual throbbing night +and day of the great guns on the Somme, where our first great offensive +opened on the 1st, and has continued with solid and substantial gains, some +set-backs, heavy losses for the Allies, still heavier for the enemy. Names +of villages and towns, which hitherto have been to most of us mere names on +the map, have now become luminous through shining deeds of glory and +sacrifice--Contalmaison and Mametz, Delville Wood, Thiepval and +Beaumont-Hamel, Serre and Pozières. + +The victory, for victory it is, has not been celebrated in the German way. +England takes her triumphs as she takes defeats, without a sign of having +turned a hair: + + Yet we are proud because at last, at last + We look upon the dawn of our desire; + Because the weary waiting-time is passed + And we have tried our temper in the fire; + And proving word by deed + Have kept the faith we pledged to France at need. + + But most because, from mine and desk and mart, + Springing to face a task undreamed before, + Our men, inspired to play their prentice part + Like soldiers lessoned in the school of war, + True to their breed and name, + Went flawless through the fierce baptismal flame. + + And he who brought these armies into life, + And on them set the impress of his will-- + Could he be moved by sound of mortal strife, + There where he lies, their Captain, cold and still + Under the shrouding tide, + How would his great heart stir and glow with pride! + +[Illustration: "TWO HEADS WITH BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT" + +FIRST HEAD: "What prospects?" SECOND HEAD: "Rotten." FIRST HEAD: "Same +here."] + +The results of the battle of the Somme are shown in a variety of ways: by +the reticence and admissions of the German Press, by its efforts to divert +attention to the exploits of the commercial submarine cruiser +_Deutschland_; above all, by the Kaiser's fresh explosions of piety. +"The Devil was sick, the Devil a monk would be." There is no further sign +of his fleet, which remains crippled by its "victory." Nor can he, still +less his Ally, draw comfort from the situation on the Russian or Italian +fronts. + +[Illustration: WELL DONE, THE NEW ARMY] + +Mr. Punch finds the usual difficulty in getting any details from his +correspondents when they have been or are in the thick of the fighting. +Practically all that they have to say is that there was a "damned noise," +that breakfast was delayed by the "morning hate," or that an angry sub +besought a weary O.C. "to ask our gunners not to serve faults into our +front line wire." One of them, however, a very wise young man, ventures on +the prediction that the War will last well into 1918. As the result of a +brief leave he has learned an important truth. "In England they assume that +you, having just arrived from France, _know_. When you return to +France, it is assumed that you, having just arrived from England, +_know_." + +In Parliament Ireland is beginning to suffer from a rival in unenviable +notoriety. Mesopotamia does not smell particularly sweet just now, but that +may add to its usefulness as a red herring. Geographers are said to have +some difficulty in defining its exact boundaries, but the Government are +probably quite convinced that it is situate between the Devil and the Deep +Sea. Two Special Commissions are to be set up to inquire into the +Mesopotamian and Dardanelles Expeditions. Public opinion has been painfully +stirred by the harrowing details which have come to light of the +preventible sufferings endured by British troops. From their point of view +the supply of their medical needs, now guaranteed, is worth a wilderness of +Special Commissions. But Ireland still holds the floor, though Mr. Asquith +is frugal of information as to the prospective Irish Bill and has +deprecated discussion of the Hardinge Report, the most scarifying public +document of our times. The Lords, unembarrassed by any embargo, have +discussed the Report in a spirit which must make Mr. Birrell thank his +stars that he got in his confession first. But why, he may ask, should he +be judged by Lord Hardinge, himself a prospective defendant at the bar of +public opinion? + +Following the lead of a certain section of the Press, certain Members have +begun to wax vocal on the subject of reprisals, uninterned Aliens, and the +Hidden Hand. Their appeals to the Home Office to go on the spy-trail have +not met with much sympathy so far. An alleged Austrian taxi-driver has +turned out to be a harmless Scotsman with an impediment in his speech. More +interesting has been the sudden re-emergence of Mr. John Burns. He sank +without a trace two years ago, but has now bobbed up to denounce the +proposal to strengthen the Charing Cross railway-bridge. We could have +wished that he had been ready to "keep the bridge" in another sense; but at +least he has been a silent Pacificist. Mr. Winston Churchill, when his +journalistic labours permit, has contributed to the debates, and Lord +Haldane has again delivered his famous lecture on the defects of English +education. But for Parliamentary sagacity _in excelsis_ commend us to +Mr. McCallum Scott. He is seriously perturbed about the shortage of +sausage-skins and, in spite of the bland assurance of Mr. Harcourt that +supplies are ample, is alleged to be planning a fresh campaign with the +assistance of Mr. Hogge. Another shortage has given rise to no anxiety, but +rather the reverse. In a police court it was recently stated that there are +no longer any tramps in England. Evidently the appeal of that stirring old +song, "Tramp! tramp! tramp! the boys are marching," has not been without +its effect. + +[Illustration: CONJURER (unconscious of the approach of hostile aircraft): +"Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to watch me closely."] + +Yet another endurable shortage is reported from the seaside, where an old +sailor on the local sea front has been lamenting the spiritual starvation +brought about by the war. "Why," he said, "for the first time for twenty +years we ain't got no performing fleas down here." And performers, when +they do come, are not always successful in riveting the attention of their +audience. + + + +_August, 1916_. + + +The third year of the War opens well for the Allies; so well that the +Kaiser has again issued a statement denying that he is responsible for it. +The Big Push on the Somme goes on steadily, thanks to fine leadership, the +steadfast heroism of the New Armies, and the loyal co-operation of the +munition-workers at home, who have deferred their holiday rather than +hamper their brothers in the trenches by a lessened output. + +Here one fact may suffice as a sample. The weekly consumption of high +explosives by the Army is now between eleven and twelve thousand times as +much as it was in September, 1914. Yet when a lieutenant is asked to state +what it is really like being along with the B.E.F. when it is in its +pushful mood, he sedulously eschews heroics, and will not commit himself to +saying more than that it's all right--that he doesn't think there is any +cause for anxiety. "We seem to have ceased to have sensations out here. It +is a matter of business; the only question is how long is it going to take +to complete." So, too, with the Tommies. "Wonderful," declares the man in +the ranks to persistent seekers after thrilling descriptions of war. "You +never see the like. Across in them trenches there was real soda-water in +bottles." To return to our lieutenant, he "simply can't help being a little +sorry for the Boche now that his wild oats are coming home to roost." Even +his poetic friends, formerly soulful and precious, take this restrained +view. The Attributes of the Enemy are thus summed up by one trench bard: + + If Boches laughed and Huns were gents, + They'd own their share of continents; + There'd be no fuss, and, what is more, + There wouldn't even be a war. + Whereas the end of all this tosh + Can only be there'll be no Boche. + +[Illustration: THE BIG PUSH + +MUNITION WORKER: "Well, I'm not taking a holiday myself just yet, but I'm +sending these kids of mine for a little trip on the Continent."] + +Another poet, an R.F.C. man, adopts the same vein, void alike of hate or +exultation: + + Returning from my morning fly + I met a Fokker in the sky, + And, judging from its swift descent, + It had a nasty accident. + On thinking further of the same + I rather fear I was to blame. + +It is easy to understand why the enemy nations find England so +disappointing and unsatisfying to be at war with. + +Italy, too, has had her Big Push on the Isonzo, capturing Monte Sabotino, +which had defied her for fifteen months, and Gorizia--a triumph of +scientific preparation and intrepid assault. The Austrian poison-gas attack +on the Asiago plateau has been avenged, and the objectives of the long and +ineffectual offensive of the previous winter carried with thousands of +prisoners at a comparatively cheap price. To add to Austria's humiliation +her armies on the Eastern Front have been placed under the Prussian +Hindenburg. And Rumania has joined the Allies at the end of what has been a +very bad month for the Central Empires. English newspapers have been +excluded from Germany, and Berlin has added truthless to meatless days. But +the Germans have long since found a substitute for veracity as well as for +leather and butter and rubber and bread. They are said to have found a +substitute for International Law, and it is an open secret that they are +even now in search of a substitute for victory. We might even suggest a few +more substitutes which have not yet been utilised. As, for example, a +substitute for Verdun with the German flag flying over it; substitutes for +several German Colonies; a substitute for Austria as an ally; and +substitutes for Kultur and Organisation and Efficiency and World Power and +the Mailed Fist and the Crown Prince and the Kaiser and the War and all the +things that haven't come off. + +Various momentous decisions have been arrived at in Parliament. The Cabinet +are _not_ to be cinematographed, and unnecessary taxi-whistling is to +be suppressed, without any prejudice to the squealing of importunate +chatterers below the gangway. Ireland has again dominated the Parliamentary +scene; the Nationalists have resumed their freedom of action with attacks +on Sir John Maxwell and martial law, and are displaying an embarrassing +industry reminiscent of the 'Eighties. Mr. Ginnell has been removed by +order of the Speaker; Mr. Duke has succeeded Mr. Birrell; and the +discussion of three Irish Bills has bulked so large that one might almost +forget we were at war. In such brief moments as could be spared from Irish +affairs the Premier has proposed a fresh Vote of Credit for 450 millions, +has introduced a Bill for extending the life of Parliament, and another +establishing a new Register. The last has been unmercifully belaboured in +debate, the Prime Minister himself describing it as "a halting, lopsided, +temporary makeshift." The apparently insoluble problem is that of enabling +soldiers in the trenches to exercise the franchise. Soldiers and sailors +can very well wait for their votes, but not for their money, and the delays +in providing pensions for discharged men have been condemned by members of +all parties. So the War is not altogether forgotten by the House. Mr. Lloyd +George, the new War Secretary, without wasting breath on the pessimistic +comments of his colleague Mr. Churchill, has given an encouraging survey of +the general situation. The cry has gone up that Mr. Hughes Must Come Back +from Australia, and Mr. Swift MacNeill has been rewarded for his +pertinacity by extracting a promise from Mr. Asquith that he will purge the +Peerage of its enemy Dukes. Better still is the solemn assurance of the +Premier that the Government are taking steps to discover the identity of +all those who are in any way responsible for the judicial murder of Captain +Fryatt--the worst instance of calculated atrocity against non-combatants +since the murder of Nurse Cavell. + +The education of our New Armies is full of strange and noble surprises. Now +it is an ex-shop boy converted into an R.H.A. driver. Or again it is a +Tommy learning to appreciate the heroism of a French peasant woman: + + 'Er bloke's out scrappin' with the rest, + Pushin' a bay'net in Argonne; + She wears 'is photo on 'er breast, + "_Mon Jean_," she sez--the French for John. + + She 'ears the guns boom night an' day; + She sees the shrapnel burstin' black; + The sweaty columns march away, + The stretchers bringin' of 'em back. + + She ain't got no war-leggin's on; + 'Er picture's never in the Press, + Out scoutin'. She finds breeks "_no bon_," + An' carries on in last year's dress. + + At dawn she tows a spotty cow + To graze upon the village green; + She plods for miles be'ind a plough, + An' takes our washin' in between. + + She tills a patch o' spuds besides, + An' burnt like copper in the sun, + She tosses 'ay all day, then rides + The 'orse 'ome when the job is done. + + The times is 'ard--I got me woes, + With blistered feet an' this an' that, + An' she's got 'ers, the good Lord knows, + Although she never chews the fat. + + But when the Boche 'as gulped 'is pill, + An' crawled 'ome to 'is bloomin' Spree, + We'll go upon the bust, we will, + Madame an' Monsieur Jean an' me. + +Or once more it is the young officer shaving himself in a captured German +dug-out before an old looking-glass looted from a _château_ by a dead +German, and apologising to its rightful owner: + + Madame, at the end of this long campaign, + When France comes into her own again + In the setting where only she can shine, + As you in your mirror of rare design-- + Forgive me, who dare + In a German lair + To shave in your mirror at Pozières. + +Then there are "lonely soldiers" in India, envious of their more fortunate +comrades in Flanders, and soldiers quite the reverse of lonely during their +well-earned leave. + + +[Illustration: + +THE CAPTAIN: "Your brother is doing splendidly in the Battalion. Before +long he'll be our best man." + +THE SISTER: "Oh, Reginald! Really, this is so very sudden."] + +The education of those on the Home Front is also proceeding. There are some +maids who announce the approach of Zeppelins as if they were ordinary +visitors. There are others who politely decline to exchange a seat at an +attic window for the security of the basement. + +[Illustration: + +MISTRESS (coming to maid's room as the Zeppelins approach): "Jane! Jane! +Won't you come downstairs with the rest of us?" + +LITTLE MAID: "Oh, thank you, Mum, but I can see beautiful from here, Mum."] + +According to the German papers Prince Frederick Leopold of Prussia has been +severely reprimanded by the Kaiser for permitting his wild swine to escape +from their enclosure and damage neighbouring property. It would be +interesting to know if Prince Leopold excused himself on the ground that he +had merely followed the All Highest's distinguished example. When Princes +are rebuked common editors cannot hope to escape censure. The editor of the +_Vorwärts_ has again been arrested, the reason given being that the +newspaper does not truthfully represent Germany's position in the War. If +the title of the organ is any indication of its contents the charge would +appear to be more than justified. + + + +_September, 1916_. + + +"IAN HAY" wrote a fine book on "The First Hundred Thousand"--the first +batch of Kitchener's Army. Another book, equally glorious, remains to be +written about another Hundred Thousand--the Sweepers of the Sea. And with +them are to be reckoned the heroes of the little ships of whom we hear +naught save the laconic record in a daily paper that "the small steamer +------ struck a mine yesterday and sank," and that all the crew were lost: + + Who to the deep in ships go down, + Great marvels do behold, + But comes the day when some must drown + In the grey sea and cold. + For galleons lost great bells do toll, + But now we must implore + God's ear for sunken Little Ships + Who are not heard of more. + + When ships of war put out to sea, + They go with guns and mail, + That so the chance may equal be + Should foemen them assail; + But Little Ships men's errands run, + And are not clad for strife; + God's mercy, then, on Little Ships + Who cannot fight for life. + + To warm and cure, to clothe and feed, + They stoutly put to sea, + And since that men of them had need + Made light of jeopardy; + Each in her hour her fate did meet, + Nor flinched nor made outcry; + God's love be with these Little Ships + Who could not choose but die. + + To friar and nun, and every one + Who lives to save and tend, + Sisters were these whose work is done + And cometh thus to end; + Full well they knew what risk they ran + But still were strong to give; + God's grace for all the Little Ships + Who died that men might live. + +September has brought us good tidings by land and air. Thiepval and Combles +are ours, and the plague of the Zeppelins has been stayed. The downing of +the Zepp at Cuffley by Lieutenant Robinson gave North London the most +thrilling aerial spectacle ever witnessed. There has been much diversity of +opinion as to the safest place to be in during a Zeppelin raid--under cover +or in the open, on the top floor or in the basement; but recent experiences +suggest that by far the most dangerous place on those occasions is in a +Zeppelin. But perhaps the most momentous event of the month has been the +coming of the Tanks, a most humorous and formidable addition to the +_fauna_ of the battlefield--half battleship, half caterpillar--which +have given the Germans the surprise of their lives, a surprise all the more +effective for being sudden and complete. The Germans, no doubt, have their +surprise packets in store for us, but we can safely predict that they are +not likely to be at once so comic and so efficient as these unlovely but +painstaking monsters. As an officer at the front writes to a friend: "These +animals look so dreadfully competent, I am quite sure they can swim. Thus, +any day now, as you go to your business in the City, you may meet one of +them trundling up Ludgate Hill, looking like nothing on earth and not +behaving like a gentleman." As for the relations between the Allies in the +field the same correspondent contributes some enlightening details. The +French aren't English and the English aren't French, and difficulties are +bound to arise. The course of true love never did run smooth. Here it +started, as it generally does, with a rush; infatuation was succeeded by +friction, and that in turn by the orthodox aftermath of reconciliation. +"How do we stand now? We have settled down to one of those attachments +which have such an eternity before them in the future that they permit of +no gushing in the present." The War goes well on the Western Front, the +worst news being the report that the Kaiser has undertaken to refrain in +future from active participation in the conduct of military operations. + +[Illustration: + +THE SWEEPERS OF THE SEA. + +MR. PUNCH: "Risky work, isn't it?" + +TRAWLER SKIPPER: "That's why there's a hundred thousand of us doin' it."] + +Peace reigns at Westminster, where legislators are agreeably conspicuous by +their absence. But other agencies are active. According to an advertisement +in the _Nation_ the Fabian Research Department have issued two +Reports, "together with a Project for a Supernatural Authority that will +Prevent War." The egg, on the authority of the _Daily Mail_, is +"disappearing from our breakfast table," but even the humblest of us can +still enjoy our daily mare's nest. The effect of the Zeppelin on the young +has already been shown; but even the elderly own its stimulating influence. + + + +_October, 1916_. + + +Mr. Punch's correspondents at the Front have an incorrigible habit of +euphemism and levity. Even when things go well they are never betrayed into +heroics, but adhere to the schoolboy formula of "not half bad," just as in +the blackest hours they would not admit that things were more than "pretty +beastly." Yet sometimes they deviate for a moment into really enlightening +comment. No better summary of the situation as it stands in the third year +of the War can be given than in the words of the faithful "Watch-dog," who +has long been on duty in trench and dug-out and crater-hole:-- + +"This War has ceased to become an occupation befitting a +gentleman--gentleman, that is, of the true Prussian breed. It was a happy +and honourable task so long as it consisted of civilising the world at +large with high explosive, poisonous gas and burning oil, and the world at +large was not too ready to answer back. To persist in this stern business, +in face of the foolish and ignoble obstinacy of the adversary, required +great courage and strength of mind; but the Prussian is essentially +courageous and strong. Things came to a pretty pass, however, when the +wicked adversary made himself some guns and shells and took to being stern +on his own. People who behave like that, especially after they have been +conquered, are not to be mixed with--anything to keep aloof from such. One +had to leave Combles, one had to leave Thiepval, one may even have to leave +Bapaume to avoid the pest; these nasty French and English persons, with +their disgusting tanks, intrude everywhere nowadays." The German engineer +is being hoist with his own petard: + + Yet you may suck sweet solace from the thought + That not in vain the seed was sown, + That half the recent havoc we have wrought + Was based on methods all your own; + And smile to hear our heavy batteries + Pound you with imitation's purest flatteries. + +Yet, at best, this is sorry comfort for the Kaiser. + +[Illustration: THE REJUVENATING EFFECT OF ZEPPELINS] + +It is not a picnic for the men in our front line. Reports that the +situation is "normal" or "quiet" or "uneventful" represent more or less +correctly what is happening at G.H.Q., Divisional Headquarters, Brigade +Headquarters, or even Battalion Headquarters. They represent understatement +to the _n_th when applied to the front trenches. But listen again to +the "Watch-dog." He admits that some of our diamonds are not smooth, but +adds "for myself I welcome every touch of nature in these our warriors. It +is good to be in the midst of them, for they thrive as never before, and +their comforts are few enough these wet bloody days." + +The Crown Prince, after seven months of ineffective carnage before Verdun, +has been giving an interview to an American ex-clergyman, representing the +Hearst anti-British newspapers, in which he appears in the light of a +tender-hearted philanthropist, longing for peace, mercy, and the delights +of home-life. Mr. Lloyd George, in an interview with an American +journalist, has defined our policy as that of delivering a "knock out" to +Prussian military despotism, a pugilistic metaphor which has wounded some +of our Pacificists. Our Zeppelin bag is growing; Count Zeppelin has sworn +to destroy London or die, but now that John Bull is getting his eye in, the +oath savours of suicide. + +[Illustration: + +THE SUNLIGHT-LOSER + +KAISER (as his sainted Grandfather's clock strikes three): "The British are +just putting their clocks back an hour. I wish I could put ours back about +three years."] + +The Allies have presented an ultimatum to Greece, but Mr. Asquith's appeal +to the traditions of ancient Hellas is wasted on King Constantine, who, if +he had lived in the days of Marathon and Salamis, would undoubtedly have +been a pro-Persian. As for his future, Mr. Punch ventures on a prediction: + + Tino, if some day Hellas should arise + A phoenix soaring from her present cinders, + Think not to share her passage to the skies + Or furnish purple copy for her Pindars; + You'll be in exile, if you don't take care, + Along with brother William, Lord knows where! + +A couple of months ago, on the occasion of sharks appearing on the Atlantic +coast of the U.S.A., it was freely intimated at the fashionable +watering-places that there was such a thing as being too proud to bathe. +Now a new and untimely irritant has turned up off the same shores in the +shape of U-boats. Their advent is all the more inconsiderate in view of the +impending Presidential Election, at which Mr. Wilson's claim is based on +having kept America out of the War. + +[Illustration: + +COMRADES IN VICTORY + +Combles, September 26th + +POILU: "Bravo, mon vieux!" + +TOMMY: "Same to you, mate."] + +Members have returned to St. Stephen's refreshed by seven weeks' holiday, +and the Nationalists have been recruiting their energies, but unfortunately +nothing else, in Ireland. By way of signalising his restoration, after an +apology, Mr. Ginnell handed in thirty-nine questions--the fruits of his +enforced leisure. The woes of the interned Sinn Feiners who have been +condemned to sleep in a disused distillery at Frongoch have been duly +brought forward and the House invited to declare that "the system of +government at present maintained in Ireland is inconsistent with the +principles for which the Allies are fighting in Europe." The system of +administration in Ireland is, and always has been, inconsistent with any +settled principles whatsoever; but to propose such a motion now is +equivalent to affirming that Ireland is being treated by Great Britain as +Belgium and Poland and Serbia have been treated by Germany. Mr. Redmond +made no attempt to prove this absurd thesis, but when he demanded that +martial law should be withdrawn and the interned rebels let loose in a +Home-ruled Ireland--while the embers of the rebellion were still +dangerously smouldering--he asked too much even of that amicable and +trustful beast, the British Lion. Mr. Duke is not exactly a sparkling +orator, but he said one thing which needed saying, namely, that Irishmen +ought to work out a scheme of Home Rule for themselves, and lay it before +Parliament, instead of expecting Englishmen to do their work for them and +then complaining of the result. In the division-lobby the Nationalists +received the assistance of some forty or fifty British Members, who +supported the motion, Mr. Punch suspects, more out of hatred of the +Coalition than of love for Ireland. But they were easily out-voted by +British Home Rulers alone. The impression left by the debate was that the +Nationalist Members had a great deal more sympathy with the Sinn Feiners +than they had with the innocent victims of the rebellion. + +[Illustration: + +MOTHER: "Come away, Jimmy! Maybe it ain't properly stuffed."] + +The need of a War propaganda at home is illustrated by the answers to +correspondents in the _Leeds Mercury_. "Reasonable questions" are +invited, and here is one of the answers: "T.B.--No, it is not General Sir +William Robertson, but the Rev. Sir William Robertson Nicoll who edits +_The British Weekly_." But then, as another journal pathetically +observes, "About nine-tenths of what we say is of no earthly importance to +anybody." Further light is thrown on this confession by the claim of an +Islington applicant for exemption: "Once I was a circus clown, but now I am +on an evening newspaper." + +We are grateful to Russia for her efforts, but, as our artist shows above, +the plain person is apparently uncertain as to the quality of our Ally. + +We are glad to learn that, on the suggestion of Mr. Asquith, the Lord +Mayor's banquet will be "of a simple nature." Apropos of diet, an officer +expecting leave writes: "My London programme is fixed; first a Turkish +bath, and then a nice fried sole." History repeats itself. A fried sole was +the luxury which officers who served in the Boer War declared that they +enjoyed most of all after their campaigning. + + + +_November, 1916._ + + +Francis Joseph of Austria has died on the tottering throne which has been +his for nearly seventy years. In early days he had been hated, but he had +shown valour. Later on he had shown wisdom, and had been pitied for his +misfortunes. It was a crowning irony of fate which condemned him in old age +to become the dupe and tool of an Assassin. He should have died before the +War--certainly before the tragedy of Sarajevo. + +The British Push has extended to the Ancre, and the Crown Prince, reduced +to the position of a pawn in Hindenburg's game, maintains a precarious hold +on the remote suburbs of Verdun. Well may he be sick, after nine months of +futile carnage, of a name which already ranks in renown with Thermopylae. + +As the credit of the Crown Prince wanes, so the cult of Hindenburg waxes. + +[Illustration: + +HINDENBURGITIS; OR, THE PRUSSIAN HOME MADE BEAUTIFUL] + +Monastir has been recaptured by the Serbians and French; but Germany has +had her victories too, and, continuing her warfare against the Red Cross, +has sunk two hospital ships. Germany's U-boat policy is going to win her +the War. At least so Marshal Hindenburg says, and the view is shared by +that surprising person the neutral journalist. But in the meantime it +subjects the affections of the neutral sailorman to a severe trial. + +King Constantine, however, remains unshaken in his devotion to German +interests. He has also shown marked originality by making up a Cabinet +exclusively composed of University Professors. But some critics scent in +his action a hint of compulsory Ministerial Service, and predict Labour +troubles. + +At home we have to note the steady set of the tide of public opinion in +favour of Food Control. The name of the Dictator is not yet declared, but +the announcement cannot be long postponed. Whoever he may be, he is not to +be envied. We have also to note the steady growth on every side of +Government bungalows--the haunts (if some critics are to be believed) of +the Great Uncombed, even of the Hidden Hand. The men of forty-one were not +wanted last March. Mr. Lloyd George tells us that they are wanted now, or +it would mean the loss of two Army Corps. The Germans, by the way, appear +to be arriving at a just conception of their relative value. Lord Newton +has informed the Lords that the enemy is prepared to release 600 English +civilian prisoners in return for some 4,000 to 7,000 Germans. Parliament +has developed a new grievance: Ministers have confided to Pressmen +information denied to M.P.'s. And a cruel wrong has been done to Erin, +according to Mr. Dillon, by the application of Greenwich time to Ireland, +by which that country has been compelled to surrender its precious +privilege of being twenty-five minutes behind the times. The injustice is +so bitter that it has reconciled Mr. Dillon and Mr. Healy. + +The Premier has hinted that if the House insisted on having fuller +information than it receives at present another Secret Session might be +held. When one considers the vital problems on which Parliament now +concentrates its energies--the supply of cocaine to dentists, the +withholding of pictures of the Tanks, etc.--one feels that there should be +a Secret Session at least once a week. Indeed, if the House were to sit +permanently with closed doors, unobserved and unreported, the country might +be all the better for it. + +[Illustration: + +A STRAIN ON THE AFFECTIONS + +NORWEGIAN (to Swede): "What--you here, too. I thought you were a friend of +Germany?" + +SWEDE: "I was."] + +It is the fashion in some quarters to make out that fathers do not realise +the sacrifice made by their sons, but complacently acquiesce in it while +they sit comfortably at home over the fire. Mr. Punch has not met these +fathers. The fathers--and still more the mothers--that he knows recognise +only too well the unpayable nature of their debt. + + They held, against the storms of fate, + In war's tremendous game, + A little land inviolate + Within a world of flame. + + They looked on scarred and ruined lands, + On shell-wrecked fields forlorn, + And gave to us, with open hands, + Full fields of yellow corn; + + The silence wrought in wood and stone + Whose aisles our fathers trod; + The pines that stand apart, alone, + Like sentinels of God. + + With generous hands they paid the price, + Unconscious of the cost, + But we must gauge the sacrifice + By all that they have lost. + + The joy of young adventurous ways, + Of keen and undimmed sight, + The eager tramp through sunny days, + The dreamless sleep of night, + + The happy hours that come and go, + In youth's untiring quest, + They gave, because they willed it so, + With some light-hearted jest. + + No lavish love of future years, + No passionate regret, + No gift of sacrifice or tears + Can ever pay the debt. + +Yet if ever you try to express this indebtedness to the wonderful young men +who survive, they turn the whole thing into a jest and tell you, for +example, that only two things really interest them, "Europe and their +stomachs"--nothing in between matters. + +[Illustration: PAT (examining fare): "May the divil destroy the Germans!" + +SUB: "Well, they don't do you much harm, anyway. You don't get near enough +to 'em." + +PAT: "Do they not, thin? Have they not kilt all the half-crown officers and +left nothing but the shillin' ones?"] + +Guy Fawkes Day has come and gone without fireworks, pursuant to the Defence +of the Realm Act. Even Parliament omitted to sit. Apropos of Secret +Sessions, Lord Northcliffe has been accused of having had one all to +himself and some five hundred other gentlemen at a club luncheon. The +_Daily Mail_ describes the debate on the subject as a "gross waste of +time," which seems to come perilously near _lèse-majesté!_ But then, +as a writer in the _Evening News_--another Northcliffe paper--safely +observes, "It is the failing of many people to say what they think without +thinking." + + + +_December, 1916_. + + +Rumania has unhappily given Germany the chance of a cheap and spectacular +triumph--of which, after being badly pounded on the Somme, she was sorely +in need. Here was a comparatively small nation, whom the Germans could +crush under their heel as they had crushed Belgium and Serbia. So in +Rumania they concentrated all the men they could spare from other fronts +and put them under their best generals. Their first plans were thwarted, +but eventually the big guns had their way and Bukarest fell. Then, after +the usual display of bunting and joy-bells in Berlin, was the moment to +make a noble offer of peace. The German peace overtures remind one of Mr. +Punch's correspondents of the American advertisement: "If John Robinson, +with whose wife I eloped six months ago, will take her back, all will be +forgiven." + +The shadowy proposals of those who preach humanity while they practise +unrestricted frightfulness have not deceived the Allies. They know, and +have let the enemy know, that they must go on until they have made sure of +an enduring peace by reducing the Central Empires to impotence for evil. + +When Mr. Asquith announced in the House on December 4 the King's approval +of Reconstruction, few Members guessed that in twenty-four hours he would +have ceased to be Prime Minister and that Mr. Lloyd George would have begun +Cabinet-making. There has been much talk of intrigue. But John Bull doesn't +care who leads the country so long as he leads it to victory. And as for +Certain People Somewhere in France, we shall probably not be far wrong in +interpreting their view of the present change as follows: + + Thank God, we keep no politicians here; + Fighting's our game, not talking; all we ask + Is men and means to face the coming year + And consummate our task. + + Give us the strongest leaders you can find, + Tory or Liberal, not a toss care we, + So they are swift to act and know their mind + Too well to wait and see. + +[Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE MOCK TURTLE-DOVE + +KAISER } + }(breathlessly): "Well?" +BETHMANN-HOLLWEG} + +THE BIRD: "Wouldn't even look at me!"] + +The ultimate verdict on Mr. Asquith's services to the State as Prime +Minister for the first two and a half years of the War will not be founded +on the Press Campaign which has helped to secure his downfall. But, as one +of the most bitterly and unjustly assailed ex-Ministers has said, "personal +reputations must wait till the end of the War." Meanwhile, we have a +Premier who, whatever his faults, cannot be charged with supineness. + +[Illustration: + +THE NEW CONDUCTOR + +Opening of the 1917 Overture] + +Mr. Bonar Law, the new Leader of the House, has made his first appearance +as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Moving a further Vote of Credit for 400 +millions, he disclosed the fact that the daily cost of the War was nearer +six than five millions. In regard to the peace proposals he found himself +unable to better the late Prime Minister's statement that the Allies would +require "adequate reparation for the past and adequate security for the +future." In lucidity and dignity of statement Mr. Asquith was certainly +above criticism. Lord Devonport has been appointed Food Controller and +warned us of rigours to come. The most thrilling speech heard at +Westminster this month has been that of Major Willie Redmond, fresh from +the invigorating atmosphere of the front. While some seventy odd +Nationalist Members are mainly occupied in brooding over Ireland's woes, +two are serving in the trenches--William Redmond and Stephen Gwynn, both of +them middle-aged men. _O si sic omnes_! + +Our wounded need all their patience to put up with the curiosity of +non-combatants. A lady, after asking a Tommy on leave what the stripes on +his arm were for, being told that they were one for each time he was +wounded, is reported to have observed, "Dear me! How extraordinary that you +should be wounded three times in the same place!" Even real affection is +not always happily expressed. + +[Illustration: + +"Have you brought me any souvenirs?" + +"Only this little bullet that the doctor took out of my side." + +"I wish it had been a German helmet."] + +The tenderness with which King Constantine is still treated, even after the +riot in Athens in which our bluejackets have been badly mishandled, is +taxing the patience of moderate men. Mr. Punch, for example, exasperated by +the cumulative effect of Tino's misdeeds, has been goaded into making a +formidable forecast of surrender or exit: + + You say your single aim is just to use + Your regal gifts for your beloved nation; + Why, then, I see the obvious line to choose, + Meaning, of course, the path of abdication; + Make up your so-called mind--I frankly would-- + To leave your country for your country's good. + +The German Emperor was prevented from being present at the funeral of the +late Emperor Francis Joseph by a chill. One is tempted to think that in a +lucid interval of self-criticism William of Hohenzollern may have wished to +spare his aged victim this crowning mockery. + +Motto for Meatless Days: "The time is out of joint." This is a _raison de +plus_ for establishing an _Entente_ in the kitchen and getting +Marianne to show Britannia how to cook a cabbage. + + + +_January, 1917_. + + +Though the chariots of War still drive heavily, 1917 finds the Allies in +good heart--"war-weary but war-hardened." The long agony of Verdun has +ended in triumph for the French, and Great Britain has answered the Peace +Talk of Berlin by calling a War Conference of the Empire. The New Year has +brought us a new Prime Minister, a new Cabinet, a new style of Minister. +Captains of Commerce are diverted from their own business for the benefit +of the country. In spite of all rumours to the contrary Lord Northcliffe +remains outside the new Government, but his interest in it is, at present, +friendly. It is very well understood, however, that everyone must behave. +And in this context Mr. Punch feels that a tribute is due to the outgoing +Premier. Always reserved and intent, he discouraged Press gossip to such a +degree as actually to have turned the key on the Tenth Muse. Interviewers +had no chance. He came into office, held it and left it without a single +concession to Demos' love of personalia. + +[Illustration: THE DAWN OF DOUBT + +GRETCHEN: "I wonder if this gentleman really is my good angel after all!"] + +Germany has not yet changed her Chancellor, though he is being bitterly +attacked for his "silly ideas of humanity"--and her rulers have certainly +shown no change of heart. General von Bissing's retirement from Belgium is +due to health, not repentance. The Kaiser still talks of his "conscience" +and "courage" in freeing the world from the pressure which weighs upon all. +He is still the same Kaiser and Constantine the same "Tino," who, as the +_Berliner Tageblatt_ bluntly remarks, "has as much right to be heard +as a common criminal." Yet signs are not wanting of misgivings in the +German people. + +Mr. Wilson has launched a new phrase on the world--"Peace without Victory"; +but War is not going to be ended by phrases, and the man who is doing more +than anyone else to end it--the British infantryman--has no use for them: + + The gunner rides on horseback, he lives in luxury, + The sapper has his dug-out as cushy as can be, + The flying man's a sportsman, but his home's a long way back, + In painted tent or straw-spread barn or cosy little shack; + Gunner and sapper and flying man (and each to his job say I) + Have tickled the Hun with mine or gun or bombed him from on high, + But the quiet work, and the dirty work, since ever the War began, + Is the work that never shows at all, the work of the infantryman. + + The guns can pound the villages and smash the trenches in, + And the Hun is fain for home again when the T.M.B.s begin, + And the Vickers gun is a useful one to sweep a parapet, + But the real work is the work that's done with bomb and bayonet. + Load him down from heel to crown with tools and grub and kit, + He's always there where the fighting is--he's there unless he's hit; + Over the mud and the blasted earth he goes where the living can; + He's in at the death while he yet has breath, the British infantryman! + + Trudge and slip on the shell-hole's lip, and fall in the clinging mire-- + Steady in front, go steady! Close up there! Mind the wire! + Double behind where the pathways wind! Jump clear of the ditch, jump + clear! + Lost touch at the back? Oh, halt in front! And duck when the shells come + near! + Carrying parties all night long, all day in a muddy trench, + With your feet in the wet and your head in the rain and the sodden + khaki's stench! + Then over the top in the morning, and onward all you can-- + This is the work that wins the War, the work of the infantryman. + +And if anyone should think that this means the permanent establishment of +militarism in our midst let him be comforted by the saying of an old +sergeant-major when asked to give a character of one of his men. "He's a +good man in the trenches, and a good man in a scrap; but you'll never make +a soldier of him." The new armies fight all the harder because they want to +make an end not of this war but of all wars. As for the regulars, there is +no need to enlarge on their valour. But it is pleasant to put on record the +description of an officer's servant which has reached Mr. Punch from +France: "Valet, cook, porter, boots, chamber-maid, ostler, carpenter, +upholsterer, mechanic, inventor, needlewoman, coalheaver, diplomat, barber, +linguist (home-made), clerk, universal provider, complete pantechnicon and +infallible bodyguard, he is also a soldier, if a very old soldier, and a +man of the most human kind." + +Parliament is not sitting, but there is, unfortunately, no truth in the +report that in order to provide billets for 5,000 new typists and +incidentally to win the War, the Government has commandeered the Houses of +Parliament. The _Times Literary Supplement_ received 335 books of +original verse in 1916, and it is rumoured that Mr. Edward Marsh may very +shortly take up his duties as Minister of Poetry and the Fine Arts. Mr. +Marsh has not yet decided whether he will appoint Mr. Asquith or Mr. +Winston Churchill as his private secretary. Meanwhile, a full list of the +private secretaries of the new private secretaries of the members of the +new Government may at any moment be disclosed to a long suffering public. + +On the Home Front the situation shows that a famous literary critic was +also a true prophet: + + O Matthew Arnold! You were right: + We need more Sweetness and more Light; + For till we break the brutal foe, + Our sugar's short, our lights are low. + +The domestic problem daily grows more acute. A maid, who asked for a rise +in her wages to which her mistress demurred, explained that the gentleman +she walked out with had just got a job in a munition factory and she would +be obliged to dress up to him. + +[Illustration: + +COOK (who, after interview with prospective mistress, is going to think it +over): + +"'Ullo! Prambilator! If you'd told me you 'ad children I needn't have +troubled meself to 'ave come." + +THE PROSPECTIVE MISTRESS: "Oh! B-but if you think the place would +otherwise suit you, I dare say we could board the children out."] + +Maids are human, however, though their psychology is sometimes +disconcerting. One who was told by her mistress not to worry because her +young man had gone into the trenches responded cheerfully, "Oh, no, ma'am, +I've left off worrying now. He can't walk out with anyone else while he's +there." + +[Illustration: THE RECRUIT WHO TOOK TO IT KINDLY] + + + +_February_ 1917, + + +The rulers of Germany--the Kaiser and his War-lords--proclaimed themselves +the enemies of the human race in the first weeks of the War. But it has +taken two years and a half to break down the apparently inexhaustible +patience of the greatest of the neutrals. A year and three-quarters has +elapsed since the sinking of the _Lusitania_. The forbearance of +President Wilson--in the face of accumulated insults, interference in the +internal politics of the United States, the promotion of strikes and +_sabotage_ by the agents of Count Bernstorff--has exposed him to hard +and even bitter criticism from his countrymen. Perhaps he over-estimated +the strength of the German-American and Pacificist elements. But his +difficulties are great, and his long suffering diplomacy has at least this +merit, that if America enters the War it will be as a united people. +Germany's decision to resort to unrestricted submarine warfare on February +1 is the last straw: now even Mr. Henry Ford has offered to place his works +at the disposal of the American authorities. + +Day by day we read long lists of merchant vessels sunk by U-boats, and +while the Admiralty's reticence on the progress of the anti-submarine +campaign is legitimate and necessary, the withholding of statistics of new +construction does not make for optimism. Victory will be ours, but not +without effort. The great crisis of the War is not passed. That has been +the burden of all the speeches at the opening of Parliament from the King's +downward. + +Lord Curzon, who declared that we were now approaching "the supreme and +terrible climax of the War," has spoken of the late Duke of Norfolk as a +man "diffident about powers which were in excess of the ordinary." Is not +that true of the British race as a whole? Only now, under the stress of a +long-drawn-out conflict, is it discovering the variety and strength of its +latent forces. The tide is turning rapidly in Mesopotamia. General Maude, +who never failed to inspire the men under his command on the Western front +with a fine offensive spirit, has already justified his appointment by +capturing Kut, and starting on a great drive towards Baghdad. + +[Illustration: THE LAST THROW] + +On the Salonika front, to quote from one of Mr. Punch's ever-increasing +staff of correspondents, "all our prospects are pleasing and only Bulgar +vile." On the Western front the British have taken Grandcourt, and our +"Mudlarks," encamped on an ocean of ooze, preserve a miraculous equanimity +in spite of the attention of rats and cockroaches and the vagaries of the +transport mule. + +[Illustration: + +HEAD OF GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT (in his private room in recently commandeered +hotel): "Boy! Bring some more coal!"] + +At home the commandeering of hotels to house the new Ministries proceeds +apace, and a request from an inquiring peer for a comprehensive return of +all the buildings requisitioned and the staffs employed has been declined +on the ground that to provide it would put too great a strain on officials +engaged on work essential to winning the War. + +The criticisms on the late Cabinet for its bloated size have certainly not +led to any improvement in this respect, and one of the late Ministers has +complained that the Administration has been further magnified until, if all +its members, including under-secretaries, were present, they would fill not +one but three Treasury Benches. Already this is a much congested district +at question-time and the daily scene of a great push. Up to the present +there are, however, only thirty-three actual Ministers of the Crown, and +their salaries only amount to the trifle of £133,000. The setting up of a +War Cabinet, "a body utterly unknown to the law," has excited the +resentment of Mr. Swift MacNeill, whose reverence for the Constitution +(save in so far as it applies to Ireland) knows no bounds; and Mr. Lynch +has expressed the view that it would be a good idea if Ireland were +specially represented at the Peace Conference, in order that her delegates +might assert her right to self-government. + +England, in February, 1917, seems to deserve the title of "the great Loan +Land." Amateurs of anagrams have found satisfaction in the identity of +"Bonar Law" with "War Loan B." As a cynic has remarked, "in the midst of +life we are in debt." But the champions of national economy are not happy. +The staff of the new Pensions Minister, it is announced, will be over two +thousand. It is still hoped, however, that there may be a small surplus +which can be devoted to the needs of disabled soldiers. Our great warriors +are in danger of being swamped by our small but innumerable officials. + +[Illustration: <b>A PLAIN DUTY</b> + +"Well, good-bye, old chap, and good luck! I'm going in here to do my bit, +the best way I can. The more everybody scrapes together for the War Loan, +the sooner you'll be back from the trenches."] + +The older Universities, given over for two years to wounded soldiers and a +handful of physically unfit or coloured undergraduates, are regaining a +semblance of life by the housing of cadet battalions in some colleges. The +Rhodes scholars have all joined up, and normal academic life is still in +abeyance: + + In Tom his Quad the Bloods no longer flourish; + Balliol is bare of all but mild Hindoos; + The stalwart oars that Isis used to nourish + Are in the trenches giving Fritz the Blues, + And many a stout D.D. + Is digging trenches with the V.T.C. + +[Illustration: The Brothers Tingo, who are exempted from military service, +do their bit by helping to train ladies who are going on the land.] + +It is true that Mr. Bernard Shaw has visited the front. No reason is +assigned for this rash act, and too little has been made of the fact that +he wore khaki just like an ordinary person. Amongst other signs of the +times we note that women are to be licensed as taxi-drivers: + + War has taught the truth that shines + Through the poet's noble lines: + "Common are to either sex + _Artifex and opifex_." + +A new danger is involved in the spread of the Army Signalling Alphabet. The +names of Societies are threatened. The dignity of Degrees is menaced by a +code which converts B.A. into Beer Ack. Initials are no longer sacred, and +the great T.P. will become Toc Pip O'Connor, unless some Emma Pip +introduces a Bill to prevent the sacrilege. + + + +_March,_ 1917. + + +With the end of Tsardom in Russia, the fall of Baghdad, and the strategic +retreat of Hindenburg on the Western front, all crowded into one month, +March fully maintains its reputation for making history at the expense of +Caesars and Kaisers. It seems only the other day when the Tsar's assumption +of the title of Generalissimo lent new strength to the legend of the +"Little Father." But the forces of "unholy Russia"--Pro-German Ministers +and the sinister figure of Rasputin--have combined to his undoing, and now +none is so poor to do him reverence. In the House of Commons everybody +seems pleased, including Mr. Devlin, who has been quite statesmanlike in +his appreciation, and the Prime Minister, in one of his angelic visits to +the House, evoked loud cheers by describing the Revolution as one of the +landmarks in the history of the world. But no one noticed that Sir Henry +Campbell-Bannerman's outburst in 1906, just after the dissolution of +Russia's first elected Parliament: "_La Duma est morte; vive la Duma_! +" has now been justified by the event--at any rate for the moment, for +Revolutions are rich in surprises and reactions. The capture of Baghdad +inspires no misgivings, except in the bosoms of Nationalist members, who +detect in the manifesto issued by General Maude fresh evidences of British +hypocrisy. + +The fleet of Dutch merchantmen, which has been sunk by a waiting submarine, +sailed under a German guarantee of "relative security." Germany is so often +misunderstood. It should be obvious by this time that her attitude to +International Law has always been one of approximate reverence. The shells +with which she bombarded Rheims Cathedral were contingent shells, and the +_Lusitania_ was sunk by a relative torpedo. Neutrals all over the +world, who are smarting just now under a fresh manifestation of Germany's +respective goodwill, should try to realise before they take any action what +is the precise situation of our chief enemy: He has (relatively) won the +War; he has (virtually) broken the resistance of the Allies; he has +(conditionally) ample supplies for his people; in particular he is +(morally) rich in potatoes. His finances at first sight appear to be pretty +heavily involved, but that soon will be adjusted by (hypothetical) +indemnities; he has enormous (proportional) reserves of men; he has +(theoretically) blockaded Great Britain, and his final victory is +(controvertibly) at hand. But his most impressive argument, which cannot +fail to come home to hesitating Neutrals, is to be found in his latest +exhibition of offensive power, namely, in his (putative) advance--upon the +Ancre. + +A grave statement made by the Under-Secretary for War as to the recent +losses of the Royal Flying Corps on the Western front and the increased +activity of the German airmen has created some natural depression. The +command of the air fluctuates, but the spirit of our airmen is a sure +earnest that the balance will be redressed in our favour. Mr. Punch has +already paid his tribute to the British infantryman. Let him now do his +homage to the heroes whose end is so often disguised under the laconic +announcement: "One of our machines did not return." + +[Illustration: ALSO RAN + +WILHELM: "Are you luring them on, like me?" MEHMED: "I'm afraid I am!"] + + I like to think it did not fall to earth, + A wounded bird that trails a broken wing, + But to the heavenly blue that gave it birth, + Faded in silence, a mysterious thing, + Cleaving its radiant course where honour lies + Like a winged victory mounting to the skies. + + The clouds received it, and the pathless night; + Swift as a flame, its eager force unspent, + We saw no limit to its daring flight; + Only its pilot knew the way it went, + And how it pierced the maze of flickering stars + Straight to its goal in the red planet Mars. + + So to the entrance of that fiery gate, + Borne by no current, driven by no breeze, + Knowing no guide but some compelling fate, + Bold navigators of uncharted seas, + Courage and youth went proudly sweeping by, + To win the unchallenged freedom of the sky. + +Parliament has been occupied with many matters, from the Report of the +Dardanelles Commission to the grievances of Scots bee-keepers. The woes of +Ireland have not been forgotten, and the Nationalists have been busily +engaged in getting Home Rule out of cold storage. Hitherto every attempt of +the British Sisyphus to roll the Stone of Destiny up the Hill of Tara has +found a couple of Irishmen at the top ready to roll it down again. Let us +hope that this time they will co-operate to install it there as the throne +of a loyal and united Ireland. Believers in the "Hidden Hand" have been on +the war-path, and as a result of prolonged discussion as to the +responsibility for the failure of the effort to force the Dardanelles, the +House is evidently of opinion that Lord Fisher might now be let alone by +foes and friends. The idea of blaming _Queen Elisabeth_ for the fiasco +is so entirely satisfactory to all parties concerned that one wonders why +the Commission couldn't have thought of that itself. + +[Illustration: THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE] + +Mr. Bernard Shaw, returned from his "joy-ride" at the Front, has declared +that "there is no monument more enduring than brass"; the general feeling, +however, is that there is a kind of brass that is beyond enduring. +Armageddon is justified since it has given him a perfectly glorious time. +He is obliged, in honesty, to state that the style of some of the buildings +wrecked by the Germans was quite second rate. He entered and emerged from +the battle zone without any vulgar emotion; remaining immune from pity, +sorrow, or tears. In short: + + He went through the fiery furnace, but never a hair was missed + From the heels of our most colossal Arch-Super-Egotist. + +According to the latest news from Sofia, 35,000 Bulgarian geese are to be +allowed to go to Germany. As in the case of the Bulgarian Fox who went to +Vienna, there appears to be little likelihood that they will ever return. + +[Illustration: FOOD RESTRICTION + +SCENE: HOTEL. + +LITTLE GIRL: "Oh, Mummy! They've given me a dirty plate." + +MOTHER: "Hush, darling. That's the soup."] + +Apropos of food supplies, Lord Devonport has developed a sense of judicial +humour, having approved a new dietary for prisoners, under which the bread +ration will be cut down to 63 ounces per week, or just one ounce less than +the allowance of the free and independent Englishman. The latest morning +greeting is now: "_Comment vous Devonportez-vous?_" + + + +_April_, 1917. + + +Once more the rulers of Germany have failed to read the soul of another +nation. They thought there was no limit to America's forbearance, and they +thought wrong. America is now "all in" on the side of the Allies. The Stars +and Stripes and the Union Jack are flying side by side over the Houses of +Parliament. On the motion introduced in both Houses to welcome our new +Ally, Mr. Bonar Law, paraphrasing Canning, declared that the New World had +stepped in to redress the balance of the old; Mr. Asquith, with a +fellow-feeling, no doubt, lauded the patience which had enabled President +Wilson to carry with him a united nation; and Lord Curzon quoted Bret +Harte. The memory of some unfortunate phrases is obliterated by the +President's historic message to Congress, and his stirring appeal to his +countrymen to throw their entire weight into the Allied scale. The War, +physically as well as morally, is now _Germania contra Mundum_. Yet, +while we hail the advent of a powerful and determined Ally, there is no +disposition to throw up our hats. The raw material of manpower in America +is magnificent in numbers and quality, but it has to be equipped and +trained and brought across the Atlantic. Many months, perhaps a whole year, +must elapse before its weight can be felt on the battle front. The +transport of a million men over submarine-infested seas is no easy task. +But while we must wait for the coming of the Americans on land, their help +in patrolling the seas may be counted on speedily. + +[Illustration: + +THE NEW-COMER: "My village, I think?" + +THE ONE IN POSSESSION: "Sorry, old thing; I took it half-an-hour ago."] + +[Illustration: SWOOPING FROM THE WEST + +(_It is the intention of our new Ally to assist us in the patrolling of +the Atlantic_.)] + +The British have entered Péronne; the Canadians have captured Vimy Ridge. +But the full extent of German frightfulness has never been so clearly +displayed as in their retreat. Here, for once, the German account of their +own doings is true. "In the course of these last months great stretches of +French territory have been turned by us into a dead country. It varies in +width from 10 to 12 or 13 kilometres, and extends along the whole of our +new positions. No village or farm was left standing, no road was left +passable, no railway track or embankment was left in being. Where once were +woods, there are gaunt rows of stumps; the wells have been blown up.... In +front of our new positions runs, like a gigantic ribbon, our Empire of +Death" (_Lokal Anzeiger_, March 18, 1917). The general opinion of the +Boche among the British troops is that he is only good at one thing, and +that is destroying other people's property. One of Mr. Punch's +correspondents writes to say that while the flattened villages and severed +fruit trees are a gruesome spectacle, for him "all else was forgotten in +speechless admiration of the French people. + +"Their self-restraint and adaptability are beyond words. These hundreds of +honest people, just relieved from the domineering of the Master Swine, and +restored to their own good France again, were neither hysterical nor +exhausted." The names of the new German lines--Wotan and Siegfried and +Hunding--are not without significance. We accept the omen: it will not be +long before we hear of fresh German activities in the _Götterdämmerung_ +line. Count Reventlow has informed the Kaiser that without victory a +continuation of the Monarchy is improbable. The "repercussion" of +Revolution is making itself felt. Even the Crown Prince is reported +to have felt misgivings as to the infection of anti-monarchial ideas, +and Mr. Punch is moved to forecast possibilities of upheaval: + + Not that the Teuton's stolid wits + Are built to plan so rude a plot; + Somehow I cannot picture Fritz + Careering as a _sans-culotte_; + Schooled to obedience, hand and heart, + I can imagine nothing odder + Than such behaviour on the part + Of inoffensive cannon-fodder. + + And yet one never really knows. + You cannot feed his massive trunk + On fairy tales of beaten foes, + Or Hindenburg's "victorious" bunk; + And if his rations run too short + Through this accursed British blockade, + Even the worm may turn and sport + A revolutionary cockade. + +On the German Roll of Dishonour this month appears the name of one who has +been _grande et conspicuum nostro quoque tempore monstrum_. Baron +Moritz Ferdinand von Bissing, the German Military Governor-General of +Belgium, who was largely responsible for the murder of Nurse Cavell and the +chief instigator of the infamous Belgian deportations, after being granted +a rest from his labours, is reported to have died "of overwork." Here for +once we find ourselves in perfect agreement with the official German view. +In a recent character sketch of the deceased Baron, the _Cologne +Gazette_ observed, "He is a fine musician, and his execution was good." +It would have been. + +The proceedings in Parliament do not call for extended comment. Mr. Asquith +has handsomely recanted his hostility to women's suffrage, admitting that +by their splendid services in the war women have worked out their own +electoral salvation. An old spelling-book used to tell us that "it is +agreeable to watch the unparalleled embarrassment of a harassed pedlar when +gauging the symmetry of a peeled pear." Lord Devonport, occupied in +deciding on the exact architecture and decoration of the Bath bun (official +sealed pattern), would make a companion picture. For the rest the House has +been occupied with the mysteries of combing and re-combing. The best War +saying of the month was that of Mr. Swift MacNeill, in reference to +proposed peace overtures, that it would be time enough to talk about peace +when the Germans ceased to blow up hospital ships. + +[Illustration: + +DYNASTIC AMENITIES + +LITTLE WILLIE (of Prussia): "As one Crown Prince to another, isn't your +Hindenburg line getting a bit shaky?" + +RUPPRECHT (of Bavaria): "Well, as one Crown Prince to another, what about +your Hohenzollern line?"] + +Although the streets may have been sweetened by the absence of posters, +days will come, it must be remembered, when we shall badly miss them. It +goes painfully to one's heart to think that the embargo, if it is ever +lifted, will not be lifted in time for most of the events which we all most +desire--events that clamour to be recorded in the largest black type, such +as "Strasbourg French Again," "Flight of the Crown Prince," "Revolution in +Germany," "The Kaiser a Captive," and last and best of all, "Peace." But +Mr. Punch, with many others, has no sympathy to spare for the sorrows of +the headline artist deprived for the time being of his chief opportunity of +scaremongering. + +In the competition of heroism and self-sacrifice the prize must fall to the +young--to the Tommy and the Second Lieutenant before all. Yet a very good +mark is due to the retired Admirals who have accepted commissions in the +R.N.R., and are mine-sweeping or submarine-hunting in command of trawlers. +Yes, "Captain Dug-out, R.N.R.," is a fine disproof of _si vieillesse +pouvait_. + +[Illustration: TORPEDOED MINE-SWEEPER (to his pal): "As I was a-saying, +Bob, when we was interrupted, it's my belief as 'ow the submarine blokes +ain't on 'arf as risky a job as the boys in the airy-o-planes."] + +According to the _Pall Mall Gazette_, Mr. Lloyd George's double was +seen at Cardiff the other day. The suggestion that there are two Lloyd +Georges has caused consternation among the German Headquarters Staff. But +we are not exempt from troubles and anxieties in England. The bones of a +woolly rhinoceros have been dug up twenty-three feet below the surface at +High Wycombe, and very strong language has been used in the locality +concerning this gross example of food-hoarding. The weather, too, has been +behaving oddly. On one day of Eastertide there was an inch of snow in +Liverpool, followed by hailstones, lightning, thunder, and a gale of wind. +Summer has certainly arrived very early. But at least we are to be spared a +General Election this year--for fear that it might clash with the other +War. + + + +_May_, 1917. + + +In England, once but no longer merry though not downhearted, in this once +merry month of May, the question of Food and Food Production now dominates +all others. It is the one subject that the House of Commons seems to care +about. John Bull, who has invested a mint of money in other lands, realises +that it is high time that he put something into his own--in the shape of +Corn Bounties. Mr. Prothero, in moving the second reading of the Corn +Production Bill, while admitting that he had originally been opposed to +State interference with agriculture, showed all the zeal of the convert--to +the dismay of the hard-shell Free Traders. + +The Food Controller asks us to curtail our consumption of bread by +one-fourth. Here, at least, non-combatants have an opportunity of showing +themselves to be as good patriots as the Germans and of earning the +epitaph: "Much as he loved the staff of life, he loved his country even +more." + +[Illustration: "No, dear, I'm afraid we shan't be at the dance to-night. +Poor Herbert has got a touch of allotment feet."] + +On the Western Front the German soldiers' opinion of "retirement according +to plan" may be expressed as "each for himself and the Devil take the +Hindenburg." One of them, recently taken prisoner, actually wrote, "When we +go to the Front we become the worst criminals." This generous attempt to +shield his superiors deserves to be appreciated, but it does not dispel the +belief that the worst criminals are still a good way behind the German +lines. The inspired German Press has now got to the point of asserting that +"there is no Hindenburg line." Well, that implies prophetic sense: + + And if a British prophet may + Adopt their graphic present tense, + I would remark--and so forestall + A truth they'll never dare to trench on-- + _There is no Hindenburg at all, + Or none worth mention_. + +According to our Watch Dog correspondent, recent movements show that the +lawless German "has attained little by his destructiveness save the +discomfort of H.Q. Otherwise the War progresses as merrily as ever; more +merrily, perhaps, owing to the difficulties to be overcome. Soldiers love +difficulties to overcome. That is their business in life." This is the way +that young officers write "in the brief interludes snatched from hard +fighting and hard fatigues." Their letters "never pretend to be more than +the gay and cynical banter of those who bring to the perils of life at the +Front an incurable habit of humour, and they are typical of that brave +spirit, essentially English, that makes light of the worst that fate can +send." That is how one brave officer wrote of the letters of a dead comrade +to _Punch_ only a few weeks before his own death. + +[Illustration: A BAD DREAM + +SPECTRE: "Well, if you don't like the look of me, eat less bread."] + +The French have taken Craonne; saluting has been abolished in the Russian +Army; and Germany has been giving practical proof of her friendliness to +Spain by torpedoing her merchant ships. A new star has swum into the +Revolutionary firmament, by name Lenin. According to the Swedish Press this +interesting anarchist has been missing for two days, and it remains to be +seen if he will yet make a hit. Meanwhile the Kaiser is doing his bit in +the unfamiliar rôle of pro-Socialist. + +Newmarket has become "a blasted heath," all horse-racing having been +stopped, to the great dismay of the Irish members. What are the hundred +thousand young men (or is it two?), who refuse to fight for their country, +to do? Mr. Lloyd George has produced and expounded his plan for an Irish +Convention, at which Erin is to take a turn at her own harp, and the +proposal has been favourably received, except by Mr. Ginnell, in whose ears +the Convention "sounds the dirge of the Home Rule Act." + +[Illustration: HIS LATEST! + +THE KAISER: "This is sorry work for a Hohenzollern; still, necessity knows +no traditions."] + + +_A Garden Glorified_ + +Mr. Bonar Law has brought in a Budget, moved a vote of credit for 500 +millions, and apologised for estimating the war expenditure at 5 1/2 +millions a day when it turned out to be 7 1/2. The trivial lapse has +been handsomely condoned by his predecessor, Mr. McKenna. The Budget +debate was held with open doors, but produced a number of speeches much +more suitable for the Secret Session which followed, and at which it +appears from the Speaker's Report that nothing sensational was revealed. + +The House of Commons, unchanged externally, has deteriorated spiritually, +to judge by the temper of most of those who have remained behind. It is +otherwise with other Institutions, some of which have been ennobled by +disfigurement. + + A PLACE OF ARMS + + I knew a garden green and fair, + Flanking our London river's tide, + And you would think, to breathe its air + And roam its virgin lawns beside, + All shimmering in their velvet fleece, + "Nothing can hurt this haunt of Peace." + + No trespass marred that close retreat; + Privileged were the few that went + Pacing its walks with measured beat + On legal contemplation bent; + And Inner Templars used to say: + "How well our garden looks to-day!" + + But That which changes all has changed + This guarded pleasaunce, green and fair, + And soldier-ranks therein have ranged + And trod its beauties hard and bare, + Have tramped and tramped its fretted floor, + Learning the discipline of War. + + And many a moon of Peace shall climb + Above that mimic field of Mars, + Before the healing touch of Time + With springing green shall hide its scars; + But Inner Templars smile and say: + "Our barrack-square looks well to-day!" + + Good was that garden in their eyes, + Lovely its spell of long-ago; + Now waste and mired its glory lies, + And yet they hold it dearer so, + Who see beneath the wounds it bears + A grace no other garden wears. + + For still the memory, never sere, + But fresh as after fallen rain, + Of those who learned their lesson here + And may not ever come again, + Gives to this garden, bruised and browned, + A greenness as of hallowed ground. + +News comes from Athens that King Constantine is realising his position and +contemplates abdication in favour of the Crown Prince George. It is not yet +known in whose favour the Crown Prince George will abdicate. In this +context the _Kölnische Zeitung_ is worth quoting. "The German people," +it says, "will not soon forget what they owe to their future Emperor." This +spasm of candour is not confined to the Rhineland. The keenest minds in +Germany, says a Berlin correspondent, are now seeking to discover the +secret of the Fatherland's world-wide unpopularity. It is this absurd +sensitiveness on the part of our cultured opponent that is causing some of +her best friends in this country to lose hope. + +Genius has been denned as an infinite capacity for taking pains; and if the +definition is sound, genius cannot be denied to the painstaking officials +who test the physical fitness of recruits--"as in the picture." + +The month has witnessed the amendment of the President's much discussed +phrase: "Too proud to fight" has now become "Proud to fight too." Another +revised version is suggested by Margarine: _C'est magnifique, mais ce +n'est pas le beurre_. The German Food Controller laments the mysterious +disappearance of five million four hundred thousand pigs this year. The +idea of having the Crown Prince's baggage searched does not seem to have +been found feasible. + +[Illustration: OUR PERSEVERING OFFICIALS + +Or, the Recruit that was passed at the thirteenth examination.] + + + +_June_, 1917. + + +Within some eleven weeks of the Declaration of War by the U.S.A., the first +American troops have been landed in France. Even the Kaiser has begun to +abate his thrasonic tone, declaring that "it is not the Prussian way to +praise oneself," and that "it is now a matter of holding out, however long +it lasts." + +But other events besides the arrival of the Americans have helped to bring +about this altered tone. The capture of Messines Ridge, after the biggest +bang in history, has given him something to think about. His +brother-in-law, Constantine of Greece, has at last thrown up the sponge and +abdicated. "Tino's" place of exile is not yet fixed. The odds seem to be on +Switzerland, but Mr. Punch recommends Denmark. There is no place like home: + + Try some ancestral palace, well appointed; + For choice the one where Hamlet nursed his spite, + Who found the times had grown a bit disjointed + And he was not the man to put 'em right; + And there consult on that enchanted shore + The ghosts of Elsinore. + +Brazil has also entered the War, and Germany is now able to shoot in almost +any direction without any appreciable risk of hitting a friend. + +Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig gave the nation a birthday present on his +own birthday, in the shape of a dispatch which is as strong and straight as +himself: + + Frugal in speech, yet more than once impelled + To utter words of confidence and cheer + Whereat some dismal publicists rebelled + As premature, ill-founded, insincere-- + Words none the less triumphantly upheld + By Victory's verdict, resonantly clear, + Words that inspired misgiving in the foe + Because you do not prophesy--you _know_. + + Steadfast and calm, unmoved by blame or praise, + By local checks or Fortune's strange caprices, + You dedicate laborious nights and days + To shattering the Hun machine to pieces; + And howsoe'er at times the battle sways + The Army's trust in your command increases; + Patient in preparation, swift in deed, + We find in you the leader that we need. + +[Illustration: A WORD OF ILL OMEN + +CROWN PRINCE (to Kaiser, drafting his next speech): "For Gott's sake, +father, be careful this time, and don't call the American Army +'contemptible.'"] + +A new feature of the German armies are the special "storm-troops"; men +picked for their youth, vigour, and daring, and fortified by a specially +liberal diet for the carrying out of counter-attacks. Even our ordinary +British soldiers, who are constantly compelled to take these brave fellows +prisoners, bear witness to the ferocity of their appearance. + +On our Home Front the Germans have shown considerable activity of late. +Daylight air-raids are no longer the monopoly of the South-east coast; they +have extended to London. And a weekly paper, conspicuous for the insistence +with which it proclaims its superiority to all others, has been asking: If +17 German aeroplanes can visit and bomb London in broad daylight, what is +to prevent our enemy from sending 170 or even 1,700? Fortunately the +average man and woman pays no heed to this scare-mongering, and goes about +his or her business, if not rejoicing, at any rate in the conviction that +the Gothas are not going to have it all their own way. + +Considering that the "Fort of London" had been drenched with the "ghastly +dew" of aerial navies barely three hours before Parliament met on June 13, +Members showed themselves uncommon calm. They were at their best a few days +earlier in paying homage to Major Willie Redmond. It had been his ambition +to be Father of the House: he had been elected thirty-four years ago; but +in reality he was the Eternal Boy from the far-off time when it was his +nightly delight to "cheek" Mr. Speaker Brand with delightful exuberance +until the moment of his glorious death in Flanders, whither he had gone at +an age when most of his compeers were content to play the critic in a snug +corner of the smoking-room. Personal affection combined with admiration for +his gallantry to inspire the speeches in which Mr. Lloyd George, Mr. +Asquith, and Sir Edward Carson enshrined the most remarkable tribute ever +paid to a private Member. + +Mr. Balfour has returned safe and sound from his Mission to the States, and +received a warm welcome on all sides. Even the ranks of Tuscany, on the +Irish benches, could not forbear to cheer their old opponent. Besides +securing American gold for his country, he has transferred some American +bronze to his complexion. If anything, he appears to have sharpened his +natural faculty for skilful evasion and polite repartee by his encounter +with Transatlantic journalists. In fact everybody is pleased to see him +back except perhaps certain curious members, who find him even more chary +of information than his deputy, Lord Robert Cecil. The mystery of Lord +Northcliffe's visit to the States has been cleared up. Certain journals, +believed to enjoy his confidence, had described him as "Mr. Balfour's +successor." Certain other journals, whose confidence he does not enjoy, had +declined to believe this. The fact as stated by Mr. Bonar Law is that "it +is hoped that Lord Northcliffe will be able to carry on the work begun by +Mr. Balfour as head of the British Mission in America. He is expected to +co-ordinate and supervise the work of all the Departmental Missions." It +has been interesting to learn that his lordship "will have the right of +communicating direct with the Prime Minister"--a thing which, of course, he +has never done before. Meanwhile, the fact remains that his departure has +been hailed with many a dry eye, and that the public seem to be enduring +their temporary bereavement with fortitude. + +[Illustration: MRS. GREEN TO MRS. JONES (who is gazing at an aeroplane): +"My word! I shouldn't care for one of _them_ flying things to settle +on me."] + +Far too much fuss has been made about trying to stop Messrs. Ramsay +MacDonald and Jowett from leaving England. So far as we can gather they did +not threaten to return to this country afterwards. There is no end to the +woes of Pacificists, conscientious or otherwise. The Press campaign against +young men of military age engaged in Government offices is causing some of +them sleepless days. Even on the stage the "conchy" is not safe. + +[Illustration: STAGE MANAGER: "The elephant's putting in a very spirited +performance to-night." + +CARPENTER. "Yessir. You see, the new hind-legs is a discharged soldier, and +the front legs is an out-and-out pacificist."] + +The King has done a popular act in abolishing the German titles held by +members of his family, and Mr. Kennedy Jones has won widespread approval by +declaring that beer is a food. + +Lord Devonport's retirement from the post of Food Controller has been +received with equanimity. There is a touch of imagination, almost of +romance, in the appointment of his successor, the redoubtable Lord Rhondda, +who as "D.A." was alternately the bogy and idol of the Welsh miners, and +who, after being the head of the greatest profit-making enterprise in the +Welsh coalfields, is now summoned to carry on war against the profiteers in +the provision trade. + +In Germany a number of lunatics have been called up for military service, +and the annual report of one institution at Stettin states that "the +asylums are proud that their inmates are allowed to serve their +Fatherland." It appears, however, that the results are not always +satisfactory, though no complaints have been heard on our side. + + + +_July_, 1917. + + +The War, so Lord Northcliffe has informed the Washington Red Cross +Committee, has only just begun. Whether this utterance be regarded as a +statement of fact or an explosion of rhetoric, it has at least one merit. +The United States cannot but regard it as a happy coincidence that their +entry into the War synchronises with the initial operations. The dog-days +are always busy times for the Dogs of War, and the last month of the third +year opened with the new Russian Offensive under Brusiloff, and closed with +the beginning of the Third Battle of Ypres. The War in the air and under +the sea rages with unabated intensity, and in both Houses the policy of +unmitigated reprisals on German cities has found strenuous advocates. But +Lord Derby, our new Minister of War, will have none of it. British +aeroplanes shall only be employed in bombing where some distinctly military +object is to be achieved. But this decision does not involve any slackness +in defensive measures. We have learned how to deal with the Zepp, and now +we are going to attend to the Gotha. As for the U-boats, the Admiralty says +little but does much. And we are adding to vigilance, valour, and the +resources of applied science the further aid of agriculture. + +In the old days the Kaiser was once described as "indefatigably changing +Chancellors and uniforms." Dr. Bethmann-Hollweg has now gone the way of his +greater predecessors--Bismarck and Caprivi, Prince Hohenlohe and Prince +Bülow. + +[Illustration: THE TUBER'S REPARTEE + +GERMAN PIRATE; "Gott strafe England!" + +BRITISH POTATO: "Tuber über Alles!"] + +The Princes and the Peers depart, and the Doctors are following suit. +Bethmann-Hollweg, immortalised by one fatal phrase, has been at last hunted +from office by the extremists whom he sought to restrain, and Dr. +Michaelis, a second-rate administrator, of negligible antecedents, succeeds +to his uneasy chair, while the Kaiser maintains his pose as the friend of +the people. He has congratulated his Bayreuth Dragoons on their prowess, +which has given joy "to old Fritz up in Elysian fields": + + Perhaps; but what if he is down below? + In any case, what we should like to know + Is how his modern namesake, Private Fritz, + Enjoys the fun of being blown to bits + Because his Emperor has lost his wits. + +[Illustration: THE SCRAPPER SCRAPPED] + +_Delirant reges_: but there are bright exceptions. On July 17 our King +in Council decreed that the Royal House should be known henceforth as the +House of Windsor. Parliament has been flooded with the backwash of the +Mesopotamia Commission, and at last on third thoughts the Government has +decided not to set up a new tribunal to try the persons affected by the +Report. Mr. Austen Chamberlain has resigned office amid general regret. The +Government have refused, "on the representations of the Foreign Secretary," +to accept the twice proffered resignation of Lord Hardinge. The plain +person is driven to the conclusion that if there are no unsinkable ships +there are some unsinkable officials. For the rest the question mainly +agitating Members has been "to warn or not to warn." The Lord Mayor has +announced that he will not ring the great bell of St. Paul's; but the Home +Secretary states that the public will be warned in future when an air raid +is actually imminent. + +[Illustration: BUSY CITY MAN TO HIS PARTNER (as one of the new air-raid +warnings gets to work): "If you'll leave me in here for the warnings I'll +carry on while you take shelter during the raids."] + +During these visitations there is nothing handier than a comfortable and +capacious Cave, but the Home Secretary has his limitations. When Mr. King +asked him to be more careful about interning alien friends without trial, +since he (Mr. King) had just heard of the great reception accorded in +Petrograd to one Trotsky on his release from internment, Sir George Cave +replied that he was sorry he had never heard of Trotsky. + +Lord Rhondda reigns in Lord Devonport's place, and will doubtless profit by +his predecessor's experience. It is a thankless job, but the great body of +the nation is determined that he shall have fair play and will support him +through thick and thin in any policy, however drastic, that he may +recommend to their reason and their patriotism. This business of +food-controlling is new to us as well as to him, but we are willing to be +led, and we are even willing to be driven, and we are grateful to him for +having engaged his reputation and skill and firmness in the task of leading +or driving us. + +The War has its _grandes heures_, its colossal glories and disasters, +but the tragedy of the "little things" affects the mind of the simple +soldier with a peculiar force--the "little gardens rooted up, the same as +might be ours"; "the little 'ouses all in 'eaps, the same as might be +mine"; and worst of all, "the little kids, as might 'ave been our own." +Apropos of resentment, England has lost first place in Germany, for America +is said to be the most hated country now. The "morning hate" of the German +family with ragtime obbligato must be a terrible thing! General von Blume, +it is true, says that America's intervention is no more than "a straw." But +which straw? The last? + +[Illustration: + +GRANDPAPA (to small Teuton struggling with home-lessons): "Come, Fritz, is +your task so difficult?" + +FRITZ: "It is indeed. I have to learn all the names of _all_ the +countries that misunderstand the All-Highest."] + +It is reported that ex-King Constantine is to receive £20,000 a year +unemployment benefit, and Mr. Punch, in prophetic vein, pictures him as +offering advice to his illustrious brother-in-law: + + Were it not wise, dear William, ere the day + When Revolution goes for crowns and things, + To cut your loss betimes and come this way + And start a coterie of exiled Kings? + +In the words of a valued correspondent (a temporary captain suddenly +summoned from the trenches to the Staff), "there is this to be said about +being at war--you never know what is going to happen to you next." + + + +_August, 1917_. + + +With the opening of the fourth year of the War Freedom renews her vow, +fortified by the aid of the "Gigantic Daughter of the West," and undaunted +by the collapse of our Eastern Ally, brought about by anarchy, German gold +and the fraternisation of Russian and German soldiers. The Kaiser, making +the most of this timely boon, has once more been following in Bellona's +train (her _train de luxe_) in search of cheap _réclame_ on the +Galician front, to witness the triumphs of his new Ally, Revolutionary +Russia: + + But though she fail us in the final test, + Not there, not there, my child, the end shall be, + But where, without your option, France and we + Have made our own arrangements in the West. + +[Illustration: RUSSIA'S DARK HOUR] + +It is another story on the Western Front, where the British are closing in +on the wrecked remains of Lens, and the Crown Prince's chance of breaking +hearts along "The Ladies' Way" grows more and more remote. + +[Illustration: THE OPTIMIST + +"If this is the right village, then we're all right. The instructions is +clear--'Go past the post-office and sharp to the left afore you come to the +church.'"] + +A recent resolution of the Reichstag has been welcomed by Mr. Ramsay +MacDonald as the solemn pronouncement of a sovereign people, only requiring +the endorsement of the British Government to produce an immediate and +equitable peace. But not much was left of this pleasant theory after Mr. +Asquith had dealt it a few sledge-hammer blows. "So far as we know," he +said, "the influence of the Reichstag, not only upon the composition but +upon the policy of the German Government, remains what it always has +been--a practically negligible quantity." + +The Reminiscences of Mr. Gerard, the late German Ambassador in Berlin, are +causing much perturbation in German Court circles. In one of his +conversations with Mr. Gerard, the Kaiser told him "there is no longer any +International Law." + + Little scraps of paper, + Little drops of ink, + Make the Kaiser caper + And the Nations think. + +The real voice of Labour is not that of the delegates who want to go to the +International Socialist Conference at Stockholm to talk to Fritz, but of +the Tommy who, after a short "leaf," goes cheerfully back to France to +fight him. And the fomenters of class hatred will not find much support +from the "men in blue." Mr. Punch has had occasion to rebuke the levity of +smart fashionables who visit the wounded and weary them by idiotic +questions. He is glad to show the other side of the picture in the tribute +paid to the V.A.D. of the proper sort: + + There's an angel in our ward as keeps a-flittin' to and fro, + With fifty eyes upon 'er wherever she may go; + She's as pretty as a picture, and as bright as mercury, + And she wears the cap and apron of a V.A.D. + + The Matron she is gracious, and the Sister she is kind, + But they wasn't born just yesterday, and lets you know their mind; + The M.O. and the Padre is as thoughtful as can be, + But they ain't so good to look at as our V.A.D. + + Not like them that wash a teacup in an orficer's canteen, + And then "Engaged in War Work" in the weekly Press is seen; + She's on the trot from morn to night and busy as a bee, + And there's 'eaps of wounded Tommies bless that V.A.D. + +Our Grand Fleet keeps its strenuous, unceasing vigil in the North Sea. But +we must not forget the merchant mariners now serving under the Windsor +House Flag in the North Atlantic trade: + + "We sweep a bit and we fight a bit--an' that's what we like the best-- + But a towin' job or a salvage job, they all go in with the rest; + When we ain't too busy upsettin' old Fritz an' 'is frightfulness blockade + A bit of all sorts don't come amiss in the North Atlantic trade." + + "And who's your skipper, and what is he like?" "Oh, well, if you want to + know, + I'm sailing under a hard-case mate as I sailed with years ago; + 'E's big as a bucko an' full o' beans, the same as 'e used to be + When I knowed 'im last in the windbag days when first I followed the sea. + 'E was worth two men at the lee fore brace, an' three at the bunt of a + sail; + 'E'd a voice you could 'ear to the royal yards in the teeth of a Cape + 'Orn gale; + But now 'e's a full-blown lootenant, an' wears the twisted braid, + Commandin' one of 'is Majesty's ships in the North Atlantic trade." + + "And what is the ship you're sailin' in?" "Oh, she's a bit of a terror. + She ain't no bloomin' levvyathan, an' that's no fatal error! + She scoops the seas like a gravy spoon when the gales are up an' blowin', + But Fritz 'e loves 'er above a bit when 'er fightin' fangs are showin'. + The liners go their stately way an' the cruisers take their ease, + But where would they be if it wasn't for us with the water up to our + knees? + We're wadin' when their soles are wet, we're swimmin' when they wade, + For I tell you small craft gets it a treat in the North Atlantic trade!" + + "An' what is the port you're plying to?" "When the last long trick is + done + There'll some come back to the old 'ome port--'ere's 'opin' I'll be one; + But some 'ave made a new landfall, an' sighted another shore, + An' it ain't no use to watch for them, for they won't come 'ome no more. + There ain't no harbour dues to pay when once they're over the bar, + Moored bow and stern in a quiet berth where the lost three-deckers are. + An' there's Nelson 'oldin' is' one 'and out an' welcomin' them that's + made + The roads o' Glory an' the Port of Death in the North Atlantic trade." + +[Illustration: + +DOCTOR: "Your throat is in a very bad state. Have you ever tried gargling +with salt water?" + +SKIPPER: "Yus, I've been torpedoed six times."] + +Parliament has devoted many hours of talk to the discussion of Mr. +Henderson's visit to Paris in company with Mr. Ramsay MacDonald to attend a +Conference of French and Russian Socialists. As member of the War Cabinet +and Secretary of the Labour Party he seems to have resembled one of those +twin salad bottles from which oil and vinegar can be dispensed alternately +but not together. The attempt to combine the two functions could only end +as it began--in a double fiasco. Mr. Henderson has resigned, and Mr. +Winston Churchill has been appointed Minister of Munitions. Many reasons +have been assigned for his reinclusion in the Ministry. Some say that it +was done to muzzle Mr. MacCallum Scott, hitherto one of the most +pertinacious of questionists, who, as Mr. Churchill's private secretary, is +now debarred by Parliamentary etiquette from the exercise of these +inquisitorial functions. Others say it was done to muzzle Mr. Churchill. +Contrary to expectation, Mr. Churchill has succeeded in piloting the +Munitions of War Bill through its remaining stages in double quick time. +Its progress was accelerated by his willingness to abolish the leaving +certificate, which a workman hitherto had to procure before changing one +job for another. Having had unequalled experience in this respect, he is +convinced that the leaving certificate is a useless formality. + +Food stocks going up, thanks to the energy of the farmers and the economy +of consumers; German submarines going down, thanks to the Navy; Russia +recovering herself; Britain and France advancing hand in hand on the +Western Front, and our enemies fumbling for peace--that was the gist of the +message with which the Prime Minister sped the parting Commons. "I have +resigned," Mr. Kennedy Jones tells us, "because there is no further need +for my services." Several politicians are of opinion that this was not a +valid reason. A boy of eighteen recently told a Stratford magistrate that +he had given up his job because he only got twenty-five shillings a week. +The question of wages is becoming acute in Germany too, and it is announced +that all salaries in the Diplomatic Service have been reduced. We always +said that frightfulness didn't really pay. + + + +_September, 1917_. + + +Thanks to the collapse of the Russian armies and "fraternisation," Germany +has occupied Riga. But her chief exploits of late must be looked for +outside the sphere of military operations. She has added a new phrase to +the vocabulary of frightfulness, _spurlos versenkt_ in the +instructions to her submarine commanders for dealing with neutral +merchantmen. As for the position into which Sweden has been lured by +allowing her diplomatic agents to assist Germany's secret service, Mr. +Punch would hardly go the length of saying that it justifies the revision +of the National Anthem so as to read, "Confound their Scandi-knavish +tricks." But he finds it hard to accept Sweden's professions of official +rectitude, and so does President Wilson. + +The German Press accuses the United States of having stolen the cipher key +of the Luxburg dispatches. It is this sort of thing that is gradually +convincing Germany that it is beneath her dignity to fight with a nation +like America. And the growing conviction in the United States that there +can be no peace with the Hohenzollerns only tends to fortify this view in +Court circles. The Kaiser's protestations of his love for his people become +more strident every day. + +[Illustration: PERFECT INNOCENCE + +CONSTABLE WOODROW WILSON: "That's a very mischievous thing to do." + +SWEDEN: "Please, sir, I didn't know it was loaded."] + +In Russia the Provisional Government has been dissolved and a Republic +proclaimed. If eloquence can save the situation, Mr. Kerensky is the man to +do it; but so far the men of few words have gone farthest in the war. A +"History of the Russian Revolution" has already been published. The pen may +not be mightier than the sword to-day, but it manages to keep ahead of it. + +With fresh enemy battalions, as well as batteries, constantly arriving from +Russia, the Italians have been hard pressed; but their great assault on San +Gabriele has saved the Bainsizza plateau. The Italian success has been +remarkable, but the Russian collapse has prevented it from being pushed +home. On the Western front no great events are recorded, but the mills of +death grind on with ever-increasing assistance from the resources of +applied science and the new art of _camouflage_. Yet the dominion of +din and death and discomfort is still unable to impair our soldiers' +capacity of extracting amusement from trivialities. + +[Illustration: TRIALS OF A CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER + +SERGEANT-MAJOR: "Beg pardon, sir, I was to ask if you'd step up to the +battery, sir." + +CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "What's the matter?" + +SERGEANT-MAJOR: "It's those painted grass screens, sir. The mules have +eaten them."] + +[Illustration: THE INSEPARABLE + +THE KAISER (to his people): "Do not listen to those who would sow +dissension between us. _I will never desert you_."] + +The weather has been so persistently wet that it looks as if this year the +Channel had decided to swim Great Britain. A correspondent, in a list of +improbable events on an "extraordinary day" at the front, gives as the +culminating entry, "It did not rain on the day of the offensive." + +[Illustration: + +C.O. (to sentry): "Do you know the Defence Scheme for this sector of the +line, my man?" + +TOMMY: "Yes, sir." + +C.O.: "Well, what is it, then?" + +TOMMY. "To stay 'ere an' fight like 'ell."] + +When Parliament is not sitting and trying to make us "sit up," and when war +news is scant, old people at home sometimes fall into a mood of wistful +reverie, and contrast the Germany they once knew with the Germany of +to-day. + +A LOST LAND + + A childhood land of mountain ways, + Where earthy gnomes and forest fays, + Kind, foolish giants, gentle bears, + Sport with the peasant as he fares + Affrighted through the forest glades, + And lead sweet, wistful little maids + Lost in the woods, forlorn, alone, + To princely lovers and a throne. + + Dear haunted land of gorge and glen, + Ah me! the dreams, the dreams of men! + + A learned law of wise old books + And men with meditative looks, + Who move in quaint red-gabled towns, + And sit in gravely-folded gowns, + Divining in deep-laden speech + The world's supreme arcana--each + A homely god to listening youth, + Eager to tear the veil of Truth; + + Mild votaries of book and pen-- + Alas, the dreams, the dreams of men! + + A music land whose life is wrought + In movements of melodious thought; + In symphony, great wave on wave-- + Or fugue elusive, swift and grave; + A singing land, whose lyric rhymes + Float on the air like village chimes; + Music and verse--the deepest part + Of a whole nation's thinking heart! + + Oh land of Now, oh land of Then! + Dear God! the dreams, the dreams of men! + + Slave nation in a land of hate, + Where are the things that made you great? + Child-hearted once--oh, deep defiled, + Dare you look now upon a child? + + Your lore--a hideous mask wherein + Self-worship hides its monstrous sin-- + Music and verse, divinely wed-- + How can these live where love is dead? + + Oh depths beneath sweet human ken, + God help the dreams, the dreams of men! + +The Norwegian explorer, Roald Amundsen, is preparing for a trip to the +North Pole in 1918. Additional interest now attaches to this spot as being +the only territory whose neutrality the Germans have omitted to violate. +Apropos of neutrals, the crew of the U-boat interned at Cadiz has been +allowed to land on giving their word of honour not to leave Spain during +the continuance of the War. The mystery of how the word "honour" came into +their possession is not explained. It is easier to explain that the Second +Division, in which Mr. E.D. Morel is now serving, is not the one which +fought at the battle of Mons. + + + +_October, 1917_. + + +Another month of losses and gains. Against the breakthrough at Caporetto on +the Isonzo we have to set the steady advance of Allenby on the Palestine +front, and the decision arrived at by an extraordinary meeting of German +Reichstag members that the Germans cannot hope for victory in the field. We +see nothing extraordinary in this. The Reichstag may not yet be able to +influence policy, but it is not blind to facts--to the terribly heavy +losses involved in our enemy's desperate efforts to prevent us from +occupying the ridges above the Ypres-Menin road, and so forcing him to face +the winter on the low ground. Then, too, there has been the ominous mutiny +of the German sailors at Kiel. The ringleaders have been executed, but they +may have preferred death to another speech from the Kaiser. Dr. Michaelis, +that "transient embarrassed phantom," has joined the ranks of the +dismissed. No sooner had the _Berliner Tageblatt_ pointed out that +"Dr. Michaelis was a good Chancellor as Chancellors go" than he went. +Another of the German doctor politicians has been delivering his soul on +the failure of Pro-German propaganda in memorable fashion. Dr. Dernburg, in +_Deutsche Politik_, tells us that "steadfastness and righteousness are +the qualities which the German people value in the highest degree, and +which have brought it a good and honourable reputation in the whole world. +When we make experiments in lies and deceptions, intrigue and low cunning, +we suffer hopeless and brutal failure. Our lies are coarse and improbable, +our ambiguity is pitiful simplicity. The history of the War proves this by +a hundred examples. When our enemies poured all these things upon us like a +hailstorm, and we convinced ourselves of the effectiveness of such tactics, +we tried to imitate them. But these tactics will not fit the German. We are +rough but moral, we are credulous but honest." Before this touching picture +of the German Innocents very much abroad, the Machiavellian Briton can only +take refuge in silent amazement. + +[Illustration: THE DANCE OF DEATH + +THE KAISER: "Stop! I'm tired." + +DEATH: "I started at your bidding; I stop when I choose."] + +Parliament has reassembled, and Mr. Punch has been moved to ask Why? +Various reasons would no doubt be returned by various members. The +Chancellor of the Exchequer wants to obtain a further Vote of Credit. The +new National Party wish to justify their existence; and those incarnate +notes of interrogation--Messrs. King, Hogge and Pemberton Billing--would +like Parliament to be in permanent session in order that the world might +have the daily benefit of their searching investigations. There has been a +certain liveliness on the Hibernian front, but we hope that Mr. Asquith was +justified in assuming that the Sinn Fein excesses were only an expression +of the "rhetorical and contingent belligerency" always present in Ireland, +and that in spite of them the Convention would make all things right. +Meanwhile, the Sinn Feiners have refused to take part in it. And not a +single Nationalist member has denounced them for their dereliction; indeed, +Mr. T.M. Healy has even given them his blessing, for what it is worth. Of +more immediate importance has been Mr. Bonar Law's announcement of the +Government's intention to set up a new Air Ministry, and "to employ our +machines over German towns so far as military needs render us free to take +such action." + +[Illustration: A PLACE IN THE MOON + +HANS: "How beautiful a moon, my love, for showing up England to our gallant +airmen!" + +GRETCHEN: "Yes, dearest, but may it not show up the Fatherland to the +brutal enemy one of these nights?"] + +In the earlier stages of the War we looked on the moon as our friend. Now +that inconstant orb has become our enemy, and the only German opera that we +look forward to seeing is _Die Gothadämmerung_. A circular has been +issued by the Feline Defence League appealing to owners of cats to bring +them inside the house during air-raids. When they are left on the roof it +would seem that their agility causes them to be mistaken for aerial +torpedoes. We note that the practice of giving air-raid warnings by notice +published in the following morning's papers has been abandoned only after +the most exhaustive tests. The advocates of "darkness and composure" have +not been very happy in their arguments, but they are at least preferable to +the members of Parliament deservedly trounced by Mr. Bonar Law, who +declared that if their craven squealings were typical he should despair of +victory. Meanwhile, we have to congratulate our gallant French allies on +their splendid bag of Zepps. But the space which our Press allots to air +raids moves Mr. Punch to wonder and scorn. Our casualties from that source +are never one-tenth so heavy as those in France on days when G.H.Q. reports +"everything quiet on the Western front." Still worse is the temper of some +of our society weeklies, which have set their faces like flint against any +serious reference to the War, and go imperturbably along the old +ante-bellum lines, "snapping" smart people at the races or in the Row, or +reproducing the devastating beauty of a revue chorus, and this at a time +when every day brings the tidings of irreparable loss to hundreds of +families. + + * * * * * + + +MISSING + + "He was last seen going over the parapet into the German trenches." + + What did you find after war's fierce alarms, + When the kind earth gave you a resting-place, + And comforting night gathered you in her arms, + With light dew falling on your upturned face? + + Did your heart beat, remembering what had been? + Did you still hear around you, as you lay, + The wings of airmen sweeping by unseen, + The thunder of the guns at close of day? + + All nature stoops to guard your lonely bed; + Sunshine and rain fall with their calming breath; + You need no pall, so young and newly dead, + Where the Lost Legion triumphs over death. + + When with the morrow's dawn the bugle blew, + For the first time it summoned you in vain, + The Last Post does not sound for such as you, + But God's Reveille wakens you again. + +The discomforts of railway travelling do not diminish. But impatient +passengers may find comfort in a maxim of R. L. Stevenson: "To travel +hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." And further solace is +forthcoming in the fact that our enemies are even worse off than we are. +Railway fares in Germany have been doubled; but it is doubtful if this +transparent artifice will prevent the Kaiser from going about the place +making speeches to his troops on all the fronts. Here all classes are +united by the solidarity of inconvenience. And they all have different ways +of meeting it. But we really think more care should be taken by the +authorities to see that while waging war on the Continent they do not +forget the defence of those at home. The fact that Mr. Winston Churchill +and Mr. Horatio Bottomley were away in France at the same time looks like +gross carelessness. In this context we may note the report that the Eskimos +had not until quite recently heard of war, which seems to argue slackness +on the part of the circulation manager of the _Daily Mail_. + + +[Illustration: + +STOUT LADY (discussing the best thing to do in an air-raid): "Well, I +always runs about meself. You see, as my 'usband sez, an' very reasonable +too, a movin' targit is more difficult to 'it."] + + + +_November, 1917_. + + +The best and the worst news comes from the outlying fronts. Allenby's +triumphant advance is unchecked in Palestine. Gaza has fallen. The British +are in Jaffa. Jerusalem is threatened. The German-Austrian drive which +began at Caporetto has been stemmed, and the Italians, stiffened by a +British army under General Plumer, are standing firm on the Piave. In +Mesopotamia we deplore the death of the gallant Maude, a great general and +a great gentleman, beloved by all ranks, whose career is an abiding answer +to those who maintain that no good can come out of our public schools or +the Staff training of regular officers. In Russia the Bolshevist _coup +d'état_ has overthrown the Kerensky _règime_ and installed as +dictator Lenin, a _déclassé_ aristocrat, always the most dangerous of +revolutionaries. On the Western front the tide has flowed and ebbed. The +Germans have yielded ground on the _Chemin des Dames_, the British +have stormed Passchendaele Ridge, but at terrible cost, and General Byng's +brilliant surprise attack and victory at Cambrai has been followed by the +fierce reaction of ten days later. But perhaps the greatest sensation of +the month has been Mr. Lloyd George's Paris speech, with its disquieting +references to the situation on the Western front, and its announcement of +the formation of the new Allied Council. The Premier's defence of, and, we +may perhaps say, recomposition of his Paris oration before the House of +Commons has appeased criticism without entirely convincing those who have +been anxious to know how the Allied Council would work, and what would be +the relations between the Council's military advisers and the existing +General Staff of the countries concerned. But as Mr. Lloyd George confessed +that he had deliberately made a "disagreeable speech" in Paris in order to +get it talked about, the Press critics whom he rebuked will probably +consider themselves absolved. + +[ILLUSTRATION: A GREAT INCENTIVE + +MEHMED (reading dispatch from the All-Highest): "Defend Jerusalem at all +costs for my sake. I was once there myself."] + +[ILLUSTRATION: ONE UP!] + +Parliament has for once repelled the gibe that it has ceased to represent +the people in the tribute of praise paid by Lords and Commons to our +sailors and soldiers and all the other gallant folk who are helping us to +win the War. On the strength of this capacity for rising to the occasion +one may pass over the many sittings at which a small minority of +Pacificists and irrelevant inquisitors have dragged the House down to the +depths of ineptitude or worse. In the debate on the Air Force in Committee, +one member, if we count speeches and interruptions, addressed the House +exactly one hundred times, and it is worthy of note that his last words +were: "This is what you call muzzling the House of Commons." If we were +to believe some critics, the British Navy is directed by a set of +doddering old gentlemen who are afraid to let it go at the Germans, and +cannot even safeguard it from attack. The truth, as expounded by the +First Lord, Sir Eric Geddes, in his maiden speech, is quite different. +Despite the Jeremiads of superannuated sailors and political longshoremen, +the Admiralty is not going to Davy Jones's locker, but under its present +chiefs, who have, with very few exceptions, seen service in this War, +maintains and supplements its glorious record. + +Save for an occasional game of "tip and run," as with the North Sea convoy, +enemy vessels have disappeared on the surface of the ocean; and the long +arm of the British Navy is now stretching down into the depths and up into +the skies in successful pursuit of them. If the nation hardly realises what +it owes to the men of the Fleet and their splendid comrades of the +Auxiliary Services, it is because this work is done with such thoroughness +and so little fuss, and, as Mr. Asquith put it, "in the twilight and not in +the limelight." + +[ILLUSTRATION: + +AUNT MARIA: "Do you know I once actually saw the Kaiser riding through the +streets of London as bold as brass. If I'd known then what I know now I'd +have told a policeman."] + +The general sense of the community is now practically agreed that +compulsory rationing must come, and the sooner the better. Lord Rhondda is +still hopeful that John Bull will tighten his own belt and save him the +trouble. But if we fail, the machinery for compulsion is all ready. + +Reuter reports that a British prisoner has been sentenced to a year's +imprisonment for calling the Germans "Huns." On the Western front Tommy +usually calls them "Allymans," "Jerry," or "Fritz." But even if this +prisoner did use the word he cannot be blamed. The choice was the Kaiser's +when, as Attila's understudy, "Go forth," he said, "my sons. Go and behave +exactly as the Huns." + +Apropos of the Kaiser, it appears that a certain Herr Stegerwald, +addressing a Berlin meeting, said: "We went to war at the side of the +Kaiser, and the All-Highest will return from war with us." If we may be +permitted to say anything, we expect he will be leading by at least a +couple of lengths. + +The versatility and inventive genius of the Prime Minister provoke mingled +comment. An old Parliamentarian, when asked to what party Mr. Lloyd George +now belonged, recently answered: "He used to be a Radical; he will some day +be a Conservative; and at present he is the leader of the Improvisatories." + + + +_December, 1917_. + + +It seems useless to attempt to cope with the staggering multiplicity of +events crowded into the last few weeks. Jerusalem captured in this last +crusade, which realises the dream of Coeur de Lion; Russia "down and out" +as a result of the armistice and the Brest-Litovsk Conference; Germany's +last colony conquered in East Africa; Lord Lansdowne's letter; the +retirement of Lord Jellicoe; while in one single week Cuba has declared war +on Austria, the Kaiser has threatened to make a Christmas peace offer, and +Mr. Bernard Shaw has described himself as "a mere individual." We have +traversed the whole gamut of sensation from the sublime and tragic to the +ridiculous; and Armageddon, vulgarised by the vulgar repetition of the +journalist, has redeemed its significance in the dispatches from our +Palestine front. The simplicity and dignity of General Allenby's entry into +the Syrian town-- + + Where on His grave with shining eyes + The Syrian stars look down-- + +afford a happy contrast to the boastful pagentry of the Kaiser's visit in +1898. Meanwhile it has not yet been decided in Berlin what the Sultan of +Turkey thinks of the capture of Jerusalem. + +[ILLUSTRATION: BETRAYED + +THE PANDER: "Come on; come and be kissed by him."] + +Where Russia is concerned Mr. Balfour wisely declines to be included among +the prophets; all he knows is that she has not yet evolved a Government +with which we can negotiate. + +There _is_ a Government in Germany, but neither Government nor people +afford excuse for the negotiations which Lord Lansdowne, in a fit of +war-weariness, has advocated in his letter to the _Daily Telegraph_. +His unfortunate intervention, playing into the hands of Pacificists and +Pro-Boches, is all the more to be deplored in a public servant who has +crowned a long, disinterested and distinguished career by an act of +grievous disservice to his country. British grit will win, declares Sir +William Robertson; but our elderly statesmen must refrain from dropping +theirs into the machinery. Happily the Government are determined to give no +more publicity to the letter than they can help. On the Vote of Credit for +550 millions the Chancellor of the Exchequer has been invited by Mr. Dillon +to make a survey of the military situation, and has replied that all the +relevant facts are known already. "The War is going on; the Government and +the country intend it shall go on; and money is necessary to make it go +on." That was a good answer to a member who has certainly done little to +receive special consideration. Not only do we need money; we need men to +supply the gaps caused by our withdrawal of troops to Italy and the +constant wastage on all fronts. + +Mr. Balfour, as we have seen, abstains from prophecy. Mr. Dillon, who, with +other Nationalists, bitterly resents the decision of the Government to +apply the rules of arithmetic to the redistribution of seats in their +beloved country, has indulged in a terrifying forecast which ought to be +placed on record. He has threatened the House with the possibility that at +the next General Election he and his colleagues might be wiped out of +existence. + +Tommy is a very great man, but he is not a great linguist, though he always +gets what he wants by the aid of signs or telepathy. Three years and some +odd months have not changed his point of view, and now for Thomas to find +himself in Italy is only to discover another lot of people who cannot +understand or make themselves understood. "Alliances," as a correspondent +from Italy puts it, "are things as wonderful to see as they are magnificent +to read about. I do, however, regard with something approaching alarm the +new language which will be evolved to put the lot of us on complete +speaking terms." + +[Illustration: THE NEED OF MEN + +MR. PUNCH (to the Comber-out): "More power to your elbow, sir. But when are +you going to fill up that silly gap?" + +SIR AUCKLAND GEDDES: "Hush! Hush! We're waiting for the Millennium."] + +[Illustration: + +THE NEW LANGUAGE + +TOMMY (to inquisitive French children): "Nah, then, alley toot sweet, an +the tooter the sweeter!"] + +Lord Rhondda, who listened from the Peers' gallery to the recent debate in +the Commons on Food Control, has received a quantity of advice intended to +help him in minding his p's and q's, particularly the latter. In China, we +read in the _Daily Express_, a chicken can still be purchased for +sixpence; intending purchasers should note, however, that at present the +return fare to Shanghai brings the total cost to a figure a trifle in +excess of the present London prices. More bread is being eaten than ever, +according to the Food Controller: but it appears that the stuff is now +eaten by itself instead of being spread thinly on butter, as in pre-war +days. Bloaters have reached the unprecedented price of sixpence each. This +is no more, as we have seen, than a chicken fetches in China, but it is +enough to dispel the hope that bloaters, at any rate over the Christmas +season, would remain within the reach of the upper classes. At a Guildford +charity _fête_ the winner of a hurdle race has been awarded a new-laid +egg. If he succeeds in winning it three years in succession it is to become +his own property. + +Christmas has come round again, and peace still seems a far-off thing. +"What shall he have that killed the deer?" someone asks somebody else in +_As You Like It_. But there is a better question than that, and it is +this: "What shall they have that preserve the little dears?" And the answer +is--honour and support. For there can be no doubt that in these critical +times, when the life of the best and bravest and strongest is so cheap, no +duty is more important than the cherishing of infancy, and the provision of +seasonable joys to the youngest generation, gentle and simple. More than +ever Mr. Punch welcomes the coming of Santa Klaus: + + Thou who on earth was namèd Nicholas-- + There be dull clods who doubt thy magic power + To tour the sleeping world in half-an-hour, + And pop down all the chimneys as you pass + With woolly lambs and dolls of frabjous size + For grubby hands and wonder-laden eyes. + + Not so thy singer, who believes in thee + Because he has a young and foolish spirit; + Because the simple faith that bards inherit + Of happiness is still the master key, + Opening life's treasure-house to whoso clings + To the dim beauty of imagined things. + + + +_January, 1918_. + + +While avoiding as a rule the fashionable _rôle_ of prophet, Mr. Punch +is occasionally tempted to indulge in prediction. The year 1918, in which +France is greeting in increasing numbers the heirs of the Pilgrim Fathers, +is going to be America's year. As for the Kaiser, + + A Fatherland Poet was busy of late + In making the Kaiser a new Hymn of Hate; + Perhaps, ere its echoes have time to grow dim, + The Huns may be learning a new Hate of Him. + +In this prophetic strain Mr. Punch has been musing on the fortunes of the +Hohenzollerns under a German Republic. Will the ex-Kaiser be appointed to +the post of official Gatherer of Scraps of Paper, or start in business as a +second-hand wardrobe dealer with a large assortment of slightly soiled +uniforms? Or will he be ordered to ring a joy-bell on the anniversary of +the inauguration of the German Republic? + +[Illustration: + +The ex-Kaiser is appointed to the post of official gatherer of scraps of +paper.] + +These are attractive speculations, but a trifle previous, while hospital +ships are still being torpedoed, U-boats are busy at Funchal, and the bonds +of German influence and penetration are being forged anew at Brest-Litovsk. +The latest news from that quarter seems to indicate that the Kaiser desires +peace--at any rate for the duration of the War. And already there is a talk +of a German counter-offensive on a colossal scale on the Western front. So +that Mr. Punch's message for the New Year is couched in no spirit of +premature jubilation, but rather appeals for fortitude and endurance. + +[Illustration: TO ALL AT HOME] + +How needful such an appeal is may be gathered from the proceedings at +Westminster, less fit for the Mother than the Mummy of Parliaments, where +"doleful questionists" exhume imaginary grievances or display their "nerve" +by claiming the increase in pay recently granted to fighting men for +conscientious objectors in the Non-Combatant Corps. The interest taken by +one of this group in Army Dentistry inspires the wish that "the treatment +of jaw-cases" mentioned by the Under-Secretary for War could be applied on +the Parliamentary front. Head-hunting is in full swing. This classical +sport, as practised in Borneo, involved the discharge of poisoned darts +through a blow-pipe, and the House of Commons has not materially altered +the method. In the attack of January 23 it is supposed that the Head of the +Government was aimed at; but most of the shots went wide and hit the Head +of our Army in France. Ministers have not distinguished themselves except +by their capacity for "butting-in" and eating their words. Public opinion +has been inflamed rather than enlightened by the discussions on unity of +command, and the newspaper campaign directed against our War chiefs. +Meanwhile, the Suffragists have triumphantly surmounted their last obstacle +in the House of Lords, and Votes for Women is now an accomplished fact. But +the Irish Andromeda still awaits her Perseus, gazing wanly at her various +champions in Convention. The Ulsterman's plea for conscription in Ireland +has been rejected after Sir Auckland Geddes had declared that it would be +of no use as a solution of the present difficulty. He did not give his +reasons, but they are believed to be Conventional. Mr. Barnes has described +the Government as "living on the top of a veritable volcano," but, in spite +of the context, the phrase must not be taken to refer to the Minister of +Munitions, who, as everybody knows, cannot be sat upon. + +Military experts tell us that this is a "Q" war, meaning thereby that the +Quartermaster-General's department is the one that matters. Naval experts +sometimes drop hints attaching another significance to that twisty letter. +Harassed house-keepers are beginning to think that this is a "queue-war," +and look to Lord Rhondda to end it. For the moment the elusive rabbit has +scored a point against the Food Controller, but public confidence in his +ability is not shaken. All classes are being drawn together by a communion +of inconvenience. The sporting miner's wife can no longer afford dog +biscuits: "Our dog's got to eat what we eats now." And the pathetic appeal +of the smart fashionable for lump sugar, on the ground that her darling +Fido cannot be expected to catch a spoonful of Demerara from the end of his +nose, leaves the grocer cold. A dairyman charged with selling +unsatisfactory milk has explained to the Bench that his cows were suffering +from shell-shock. He himself is now suffering from shell-out-shock. At +Ramsgate a shopkeeper has exhibited a notice in his window announcing that +"better days are in store." What most people want is butter days. + +[Illustration: + +ORDERLY SERGEANT: "Lights out, there." + +VOICE FROM THE HUT: "It's the moon, Sergint." + +ORDERLY SERGEANT: "I don't give a d--- what it is. Put it out!"] + +The disquieting activities of the "giddy Gotha" involve drastic enforcement +of the lighting orders, and the moon is still an object of suspicion. +Pessimists and those critics who are never content unless each day brings a +spectacular success, seem to have taken for their motto: "It's not what I +mean, but what I say, that matters." But the moods of the non-combatant are +truly chameleonic. Civilians summoned to the War Office pass from +confidence to abasement, and from abasement to megalomania in the space of +half an hour. + +Turkey, it appears, has sent an urgent appeal to Berlin for funds. The +disaster to the _Goeben_ can be endured, since the Sultan can now +declare a foreshore claim, and do a little salvage profiteering; but +Palestine is another matter. Since General Allenby's advance "running" +expenses have swallowed up a formidable total. The War is teaching us many +things, including geography. We are taking a lively interest in the +Ukraine, and the newspapers daily add to our stock of interesting +knowledge. Apropos of General Allenby's entry into Jerusalem, we learn that +"the predominance of the tar brush in the streets added to the brightness +of the scene," and in connection with his return to Cairo, that "the +MacCabean Boy Scouts" took part in the reception--presumably the Cadet +Corps of the Jordan Highlanders. But the most reassuring news comes from +the enemy Press. "It is simply a miracle," says the _Cologne Gazette_, +"that the Germans have so loyally stood by their leaders," and for once we +are wholly in agreement with our German contemporary. + +If Mr. Punch may exert his privilege of turning abruptly to grave from gay, +the claim may be allowed on behalf of the youngest generation, already +remembered in the chronicle of last month. + +CHILDREN OF CONSOLATION + + By the red road of storm and stress + Their fathers' footsteps trod, + They come, a cloud of witnesses, + The messengers of God. + + Cradled upon some radiant gleam, + Like living hopes they lie, + The rainbow beauty of a dream + Against a stormy sky. + + Before the tears of love were dried, + Or anguish comfort knew, + The gates of home were opened wide + To let the pilgrims through. + + Pledges of faith, divinely fair, + From peaceful worlds above + Against the onslaught of despair + They hold the fort of love. + +[Illustration: + +THE CIVILIAN AND THE WAR OFFICE + +I am bidden to the War Office. + +I depart for it. + +I approach it. + +I enter. + +I am not observed. + +I am still not observed. + +I am observed. + +I am spoken to (and still live). + +I continue to be spoken to. + +I am spoken to quite nicely. + +I am shaken hands with. + +I take my leave.] + + + +_February, 1918_. + + +"Watchman, what of the night?" The hours pass amid the clash of rumours and +discordant voices--optimist, pessimist, pacificist. Only in the answer of +the fighting man, who knows and says little, but is ready for anything, do +we find the best remedy for impatience and misgiving: + + "Soldier, what of the night?" + "Vainly ye question of me; + I know not, I hear not nor see; + The voice of the prophet is dumb + Here in the heart of the fight. + I count the hours on their way; + I know not when morning shall come; + Enough that I work for the day." + +The first Brest-Litovsk Treaty has been signed, followed in nine days by +the German invasion of Russia, an apt comment on what an English paper, by +a misprint which is really an inspiration, calls "the Brest Nogotiations." + +The record of the Bolshevist régime is already deeply stained with the +massacre of the innocents, but Lenin and Trotsky can plead an august +example. More than fourteen thousand British non-combatants--men, women and +children--have been murdered by the Kaiser's command. And the rigorous +suppression of the strikes in Berlin furnishes a useful test of his recent +avowals of sympathy with democratic ideals. By way of a set-off the German +Press Bureau has circulated a legend of civil war in London, bristling with +circumstantial inaccuracies. The enemy's successes in the field--the +occupation of Reval and the recapture of Trebizond--are the direct outcome +of the Russian _débâcle_. Our capture of Jericho marks a further stage +in a sustained triumph of good generalship and hard fighting, which +verifies an old prophecy current among the Arabs in Palestine and Syria, +viz. that when the waters of the Nile flow into Palestine, a prophet from +the West will drive the Turk out of the Arab countries. The first part of +the prophecy was fulfilled by the pipe-line which has brought Nile water +(taken from the fresh-water canal) for the use of the Egyptian +Expeditionary Force across the Sinai desert to the neighbourhood of Gaza. +The second part was fulfilled by the fact that General Allenby's name is +rendered in Arabic by exactly the same letters which form the words "El +Nebi," i.e. the Prophet. + +[Illustration: + +THE LIBERATORS + +FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Let me see; we've made an end of Law, Credit, Treaties, +the Army and the Navy. Is there anything else to abolish?" + +SECOND BOLSHEVIK: "What about War?" + +FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Good! And Peace too. Away with both of 'em!"] + +At home we have seen the end of the seventh session of a Parliament which +by its own rash Act should have committed suicide two years ago. Truly the +Kaiser has a lot to answer for. On the last day but one of the session 184 +questions were put, the information extracted from Ministers being, as +usual, in inverse ratio to the curiosity of the questioners. The opening of +the eighth session showed no change in this respect. The debate on the +Address degenerated into a series of personal attacks on the Premier by +members who, not without high example, regard this as the easiest road to +fame. The only persons who have a right to congratulate themselves on the +discussion are the members of the German General Staff, who may not have +learned anything that they did not know before, but have undoubtedly had +certain shrewd suspicions confirmed. Mr. Bonar Law, in one of his engaging +bursts of self-revelation, observed that he had no more interest in this +Prime Minister than he had in the last; but the House generally seemed to +agree with Mr. Adamson, the Labour leader, who, before changing horses +again, wanted to be sure that he was going to get a better team. A week +later, on the day on which the Prince of Wales took his seat in the Lords, +Lord Derby endeavoured to explain why the Government had parted with Sir +William Robertson, the Chief of the Imperial Staff, and replaced him by +General Wilson. It is hard to say whether the Peers were convinced. +Simultaneously in the House of Commons the Prime Minister was engaged in +the same task, but with greater success. Mr. Lloyd George has no equal in +the art of persuading an audience to share his faith in himself. How far +our military chiefs approved the recent decision of the Versailles +Conference is not known. But everyone applauds the patriotic +self-effacement of Sir William Robertson in silently accepting the Eastern +Command at home. + +In Parliament the question of food has been discussed in both Houses with +the greatest gusto. Throughout the country it is the chief topic of +conversation. + +[Illustration: SECRET DIPLOMACY + +WIFE: "George, there are two strange men digging up the garden." + +GEORGE: "It's all right, dear. A brainy idea of mine to get the garden dug +up. I wrote an anonymous letter to the Food Controller and told him there +was a large box of food buried there." + +WIFE: "Heavens! But there _is_!"] + +To the ordinary queues we now have to add processions of conscientious +disgorgers patriotically evading prosecution. The problem "Is tea a food or +is it not?" convulses our Courts, and the axioms of Euclid call for +revision as follows: + +"Parallel lines are those which in a queue, if only produced far enough, +never mean meat." + +"If there be two queues outside two different butchers' shops, and the +length and the breadth of one queue be equal to the length and breadth of +the other queue, each to each, but the supplies in one shop are greater +than the supplies in the other shop, then the persons in the one queue will +get more meat than those in the other queue, which is absurd, and Rhondda +ought to see about it." + +All the same, Lord Rhondda is a stout fellow who goes on his way with an +imperviousness to criticism--criticism that is often selfish and +contemptible--which augurs well for his ultimate success in the most +thankless of all jobs. + +[Illustration: + +INDIGNANT WAR-WORKER: "And she actually asked me if I didn't think I might +be doing something! Me? And I haven't missed a charity matinée for the last +three months."] + +Food at the front is another matter, and Mr. Punch is glad to print the +tribute of one of his war-poets to the "Cookers": + + The Company Cook is no great fighter, + And there's never a medal for _him_ to wear, + Though he camps in the shell-swept waste, poor blighter, + And many a cook has "copped it" there; + But the boys go over on beans and bacon, + And Tommy is best when Tommy has dined, + So here's to the Cookers, the plucky old Cookers, + And the sooty old Cooks that waddle behind. + +"It is Germany," says a German paper, "who will speak the last word in this +War." Yes, and the last word will be "Kamerad!" But that word will be +spoken in spite of many pseudo-war-workers on the Home Front. + +Among the many wonders of the War one of the most wonderful is the +sailor-man, three times, four times, five times torpedoed, who yet wants to +sail once more. But there is one thing that he never wants to do again--to +"pal" with Fritz the square-head: + + "When peace is signed and treaties made an' trade begins again, + There's some'll shake a German's 'and an' never see the stain; + But _not me_," says Dan the sailor-man, "not me, as God's on high-- + Lord knows it's bitter in an open boat to see your shipmates die." + +Among the ignoble curiosities of the time we note the following +advertisements in a Manchester newspaper of "wants" in our "indispensable" +industries: "Tennis ball inflators, cutters and makers" and "Caramel +wrappers"; while a Brighton paper has "Wanted, two dozen living flies +weekly during the remainder of winter for two Italian frogs." + +The situation in Ireland remains unchanged, and suggests the following +historical division of eras. (1) Pagan era; (2) Christian era; (3) De +Valera. + + + +_March, 1918_. + + +Once again the month of the War-God has been true to its name. March, +opening in suspense, with the Kaiser and his Chancellor still talking of +peace, has closed in a crisis of acute anxiety for the Allies. The expected +has happened; the long-advertised German attack has been delivered in the +West, and the war of movement has begun. + +Breaking through the Fifth British Army, in five days the Germans have +advanced twenty-five miles, to within artillery range of Amiens and the +main lateral railway behind the British lines. Bapaume and Péronne have +fallen. The Americans have entered the war in the firing line. It is the +beginning of the end, the supreme test of the soul of the nation: + + The little things of which we lately chattered-- + The dearth of taxis or the dawn of Spring; + Themes we discussed as though they really mattered, + Like rationed meat or raiders on the wing;-- + + How thin it seems to-day, this vacant prattle, + Drowned by the thunder rolling in the West, + Voice of the great arbitrament of battle + That puts our temper to the final test. + + Thither our eyes are turned, our hearts are straining, + Where those we love, whose courage laughs at fear, + Amid the storm of steel around them raining, + Go to their death for all we hold most dear. + + New-born of this supremest hour of trial, + In quiet confidence shall be our strength, + Fixed on a faith that will not take denial + Nor doubt that we have found our soul at length. + + O England, staunch of nerve and strong of sinew, + Best when you face the odds and stand at bay; + Now show a watching world what stuff is in you! + Now make your soldiers proud of you to-day! + +Of our soldiers we at home cannot be too proud, from Field-Marshal to +officer's servant. As one of Mr. Punch's correspondents at the front +writes: "Dawn to me hereafter will not be personified as a rosy-fingered +damsel or a lovely swift-footed deity, but as a sturdy little man in khaki, +crimson-eared with cold, heralded and escorted by frozen wafts of outer +air, bearing in one knobby fist a pair of boots, and in the other a tin mug +of black and smoking tea." As for the charities and courtesies of war, as +interpreted by our soldiers, Mr. Punch can wish for no better illustration +than in these lines on "The German graves": + + I wonder are there roses still + In Ablain St. Nazaire, + And crosses girt with daffodil + In that old garden there. + I wonder if the long grass waves + With wild-flowers just the same, + Where Germans made their soldiers' graves + Before the English came? + + The English set those crosses straight + And kept the legends clean; + The English made the wicket-gate + And left the garden green; + And now who knows what regiments dwell + In Ablain St. Nazaire? + But I would have them guard as well + The graves we guarded there. + + And when at last the Prussians pass + Among those mounds and see + The reverent cornflowers crowd the grass + Because of you and me, + They'll give, perhaps, one humble thought + To all the "English fools" + Who fought as never men have fought + But somehow kept the rules. + +[Illustration: MADE IN GERMANY + +CIVILISATION: "What's that supposed to represent?" + +IMPERIAL ARTIST: "Why, 'Peace,' of course." + +CIVILISATION: "Well, I don't recognise it--and I never shall."] + +To turn from the crowning ordeal of our Armies to the activities of British +politicians on the eve of the great German attack is not a soul-animating +experience. Indeed, the efforts of Messrs. Snowden and Trevelyan, Pringle +and King almost justify the assumption that Hindenburg would have launched +his offensive earlier but for his desire not to interfere with the great +offensive conducted by his friends on the Westminster front. Our +anti-patriots, however, are placed in a dilemma. They were bound to side +with Germany, because of their rooted belief that England always must be +wrong. They were bound to hail the Bolshevik self-determinators because of +their entirely sound views on peace at any price. But now their two loves +are fighting like cats. Hence the problem: "Which am I (both can't well be +right), Pro-German or Pro-Trotskyite?" Discussions of pig shortage, +commandeered premises, the relations of the Government and Press, and the +duties of the Directors of Propaganda leave us cold or impatient. But +members of all parties have been united in genuine grief over the death of +Mr. John Redmond, snatched away just when his distracted country most +needed his moderating influence. For in their anxiety not to interfere with +the deliberations of those patriotic Irishmen who are trying to settle how +Ireland shall be governed in the future, the Government are allowing it to +become ungovernable by anybody. A new and agreeable Parliamentary +innovation has been introduced by Sir Eric Geddes in the shape of an +immense diagram showing the downward tendency of the U-boat activities. +Other orators might with advantage follow this method. Indeed, there are +some whose speeches would be more enjoyable if they were all diagrams. As +for that pledge of the New Citizenship, the Education Bill, the debate on +the second reading has been such a long eulogy of its author that Mr. +Fisher would be well advised to offer a propitiatory sacrifice to Nemesis. + +[Illustration: + +BY SPECIAL REQUEST + +CUSTOMER: "Here, waiter, take a coupon off this and ask the band to play +five-penn'orth of 'The Roast Beef of Old England.'"] + +Compulsory rationing is now an established fact, and the temporary +disappearance of marmalade from the breakfast table has called forth many a +_cri de coeur_. As one lyrist puts it: + + Let Beef and Butter, Rolls and Rabbits fade, + But give me back my love, my Marmalade. + +And another has addressed this touching vow to margarine: + + Whether the years prove fat or lean + This vow I here rehearse: + I take you, dearest Margarine, + For butter or for worse. + +It is reported that the Government's standard suits for men's wear will +soon be available. One is occasionally tempted to hope that women's +costumes might be similarly standardised. + +[Illustration: THE COAT THAT DIDN'T COME OFF] + +The German Press announces the death of the notorious "Captain of +Koepenick," and the _Cologne Gazette_ refers to him as "the only man +who ever succeeded in making the German Army look ridiculous." This is the +kind of subtle flattery that the Hohenzollerns really appreciate. + + + +_April, 1918_. + + +We have reached the darkest hours of the War and the clouds have not yet +lifted, though the rate of the German advance has already begun to slow +down. On the 11th the enemy broke through at Armentières and pushed their +advantage till another wedge was driven into the British line. On the 12th +Sir Douglas Haig issued his historic order: "With our backs to the wall, +and believing in the justice of our cause, each one of us must fight to the +end. The safety of our homes and the freedom of mankind depend alike upon +the conduct of each one of us at the critical moment." The Amiens line +being under fire, it was impossible to bring French reinforcements north in +time to save Kemmel Hill and stave off the menace to the Channel ports. The +tale of our losses is grievous, and for thousands and thousands of families +nothing can ever be the same again. The ordeal of Paris has been renewed by +shelling from the German long-distance gun, the last and most sensational +of German surprise-packets. These are indeed dark days, yet already lit by +hopeful omens--the closer union of the Allies, the appointment of the +greatest French military genius, General Foch, as Generalissimo of the +Allied Forces, and his calm assurance that we have as yet lost "nothing +vital." America is pouring men into France and, without waiting to complete +the independent organisation of her Army, has chivalrously sent her troops +forward to be brigaded with French and British units. Even now there are +optimists, who are not fools, who maintain that Germany has shot her last +bolt and knows that she is losing. It is at least remarkable that German +newspapers are daily excusing the failure of their offensive to secure all +its objectives. There is clearly something wrong with the time-table and, +in the race of Man Power, time is on the side of the Allies. + +Truth, long gagged and disguised, is coming to light in Germany. This has +been the month of the Lichnowsky disclosures--the Memoir of their +Ambassador, vindicating British diplomacy and saddling Germany with the +responsibility for the War. The time of publication is indeed unfortunate +for the Kaiser, who has been telling us how bitterly he hates war. + +[Illustration: + +THE COMING ARMY + +FATHER: "Here's to the fighter of lucky eighteen!" SON: "And here's to the +soldier of fifty!"] + + For now from German lips the world may know + Facts that should want some skill for their confounding-- + How Potsdam forced alike on friend and foe + A war of Potsdam's sole compounding. + + How you, who itched to see the bright sword lunged, + Still bleating peace like innocent lambs in clover, + In all that bloody business you were plunged + Up to your neck and something over. + + And, having fed on little else but lies, + Your people, with the hollow place grown larger + Now that the truth has cut off these supplies, + May want your head upon a charger. + +[Illustration: + +THE DEATH LORD + +THE KAISER (on reading the appalling tale of German losses): "What matter, +so we Hohenzollerns survive?"] + + +And what has England's answer been, apart from the stubborn and heroic +resistance of her men on the Western Front? The answer is to be found in +the immediate resolve to raise the age limit for service to 50, still more +in the glorious exploit of Zeebrugge and Ostend, in the incredible valour +of the men who volunteered for and carried through what is perhaps the most +astonishing and audacious enterprise in the annals of the Navy. + +The pageantry of war has gone, but here at least is a magnificence of +achievement and self-sacrifice on the epic scale which beggars description +and transcends praise. The hornet's nest that has pestered us so long, if +not rooted out, has been badly damaged; our sailors, dead and living, have +once more proved themselves masters of the impossible. + +At home Parliament, resuming business after the Easter recess, began by +giving a second Reading to a Drainage Bill, and ended its first sitting in +an Irish bog. Ireland throughout the month has dominated the proceedings, +aloof and irreconcilable, brooding over past wrongs, blind to the issues of +the War and turning her back on its realities. Mr. Lloyd George's plan of +making Home Rule contingent on compulsory service has been described by Mr. +O'Brien as a declaration of war on Ireland. Another Nationalist Member, who +at Question time urged on the War Office the necessity of according to its +Irish employees exactly the same privileges and pay as were given to their +British confrères, protested loudly a little later on against a Bill which +_inter alia_ extends to Irishmen the privilege of joining in the fight +for freedom. Mr. Asquith questioned the policy of embracing Ireland in the +Bill unless you could get general consent. Mr. Bonar Law bluntly replied +that if Ireland was not to be called upon to help in this time of stress +there would be an end of Home Rule, and that if the House would not +sanction Irish conscription it would have to get another Government. It +remained for Lord Dunraven, before the passing of the Bill in the House of +Lords, to produce as "a very ardent Home Ruler" the most ingenious excuse +for his countrymen's unwillingness to fight that has yet been heard. +Ireland, he tells us, has been contaminated by the British refugees who had +fled to that country to escape military service. + + +[Illustration: + +DRAKE'S WAY + +Zeebrugge, St. George's Day, 1918 + +ADMIRAL DRAKE (to Admiral Keyes): "Bravo, sir. Tradition holds. My men +singed a King's beard, and yours have singed a Kaiser's moustache."] + +The Prime Minister, in reviewing the military situation, has attributed the +success of the Germans to their possessing the initiative and to the +weather. Members have found it a little difficult to understand why, if +even at the beginning of March the Allies were equal in numbers to the +enemy on the West and if, thanks to the foresight of the Versailles +Council, they knew in advance the strength and direction of the impending +blow, they ever allowed the initiative to pass to the Germans. It is known +that hundreds of thousands of men have been rushed out of England since the +last week of March. Why, if Sir Douglas Haig asked for reserves, were they +not sent sooner? These mysteries will be resolved some day. Meanwhile +General Trenchard, late chief of the Air Staff, and by general consent an +exceptionally brilliant and energetic officer, has retired into the limbo +that temporarily contains Lord Jellicoe and Sir William Robertson. But Lord +Rothermere (Lord Northcliffe's brother), who still retains the confidence +of Mr. Pemberton Billing. remains, and all is well. The enemy possibly +thinks it even better. "At least we should keep our heads," declared Mr. +Pringle during the debate on the Man-Power Bill. We are not sure about +this. It depends upon the heads. + +It is a pity that the "New Oxford Dictionary" should have so nearly reached +completion before the War and the emergence of hundreds of new words, now +inevitably left out. The Air service has a new language of its own, witness +the conversation faithfully reported by an expert: + +SCENE: R.F.C. CLUB. TIME: EVERY TIME. + +_First Pilot_. Why, it's Brown-Jones! + +_Second Pilot_. Hullo, old thing! What are you doing now? + +_First Pilot_. Oh, I'm down at Puddlemarsh teaching huns--monoavros, +pups and dolphins. + +_Second Pilot_. I'm on the same game, down at Mudbank--sop-two-seaters +and camels. We've got an old tinside, too, for joy-riding. + +_First Pilot_. You've given up the rumpety, then? + +_Second Pilot_. Yes. I was getting ham-handed and mutton-fisted, +flapping the old things every day; felt I wanted to stunt about a bit. + +_First Pilot_. Have you ever butted up against Robinson-Smith at +Mudbank? He was an ack-ee-o, but became a hun. + +_Second Pilot_. Yes, he crashed a few days ago--on his first solo +flip, taking off--tried to zoom, engine konked, bus +stalled--sideslip--nose-dive. Not hurt, though. What's become of +Smith-Jones? Do you know? + +_First Pilot_. Oh, yes. He's on quirks and ack-ws. He tried spads, but +got wind up. Have you seen the new-----? + +_Second Pilot_. Yes, it's a dud bus--only does seventy-five on the +ceiling. Too much stagger, and prop stops on a spin. Besides, I never did +care for rotaries. Full of gadgets too. + +_First Pilot_. Well, I must tootle off now. I'm flapping from +Northbolt at dawn if my old airship's ready--came down there with a konking +engine--plug trouble. + +_Second Pilot_. Well, cheerio, old thing--weather looks dud--you're +going to have it bumpy in the morning, if you're on a pup. + +_First Pilot_, Bye-bye, you cheery old bean. + +_[Exeunt._ + +[Illustration: THE POLITICIAN WHO ADDRESSED THE TROOPS] + +The Emperor Karl of Austria, by his recent indiscretions, is winning for +himself the new title of "His Epistolic Majesty." His suggestion that +France ought to have Alsace-Lorraine has grated on the susceptibilities of +his brother Wilhelm. But a new fastidiousness is to be noted in the Teuton +character. "Polygamy," says an article in a German review, "is essential to +the future of the German race, but a decent form must be found for it." + + + +_May, 1918_. + + +With the coming of May the Vision of Victory which had nerved Germany to +her greatest effort seemed fading from her sight. With its last days we see +them making a second desperate effort to secure the prize, capturing +Soissons and the Chemin des Dames and pushing on to the Marne. This time +the French have borne the burden of the onslaught, but Rheims is still +held, the Americans are pouring in to France at the rate of 250,000 a +month, and have proved their mettle at Cantigny, a small fight of great +importance, as it "showed their fighting qualities under extreme battle +conditions," in General Pershing's words, and earned the praise of General +Debeney for the "offensive valour" of our Allies. + +[Illustration: The Threatened Peace Offensive + +GERMAN EAGLE (to British Lion): "I warn you--a little more of this +obstinacy and you'll rouse the dove in me!"] + +The British troops have met Sir Douglas Haig's appeal as we knew they +would: + + Their _will_ to _win_ let Boches bawl + As loudly as they choose, + When once our back's against the wall + 'Tis not our _wont to lose_. + +Those who have gone back at the seventh wave are waiting for the tide to +turn. To the fainthearted or shaken souls who contend that no victory is +worth gaining at the cost of such carnage and suffering, these lines +addressed "To Any Soldier" may serve as a solvent of their doubts and an +explanation of the mystery of sacrifice: + + If you have come through hell stricken or maimed, + Vistas of pain confronting you on earth; + If the long road of life holds naught of worth + And from your hands the last toil has been claimed; + If memories of horrors none has named + Haunt with their shadows your courageous mirth + And joys you hoped to harvest turn to dearth, + And the high goal is lost at which you aimed; + + Think this--and may your heart's pain thus be healed-- + Because of me some flower to fruitage blew, + Some harvest ripened on a death-dewed field, + And in a shattered village some child grew + To womanhood inviolate, safe and pure. + For these great things know your reward is sure. + +The Germans have reached Sevastopol, but the Kaiser's Junior Partner in the +South is only progressing in the wrong direction. While Wilhelm is +laboriously struggling to get nearer the sea, Mehmed is getting farther and +farther away from it. The attitude of Russia remains obscure. Mr. Balfour +tells us that it is not the intention of the Government to appoint an +Ambassador to Russia. But there is talk of sending out an exploration party +to find out just where Russia has got to. Russia, however, is not the only +country whose attitude is obscure. The Leader of the Irish Nationalist +Party is reported to have said to a New York interviewer: "We believe that +the cause of the Allies is the cause of Freedom throughout the world." At +the same time, while repudiating the policy of the Sinn Feiners, he +admitted that he had co-operated with them in their resistance to the +demand that Ireland should defend the cause of Freedom. The creed of Sinn +Fein--"Ourselves Alone"--is at least more logical than that of these +neutral Nationalists: + + And is not ours a noble creed + With Self uplifted on the throne? + Why should we bleed for others' need? + Our motto is "Ourselves Alone." + + Why prate of ruined lands out there, + Of churches shattered stone by stone? + We need not care how others fare, + We care but for "Ourselves Alone." + + Though mothers weep with anguished eyes + And tortured children make their moan, + Let others rise when Pity cries; + We rise but for "Ourselves Alone." + + Let Justice be suppressed by Might, + And Mercy's seat be overthrown; + For Truth and Right the fools may fight, + We fight but for "Ourselves Alone." + +Meanwhile, the gentle Mr. Duke has retired from the Chief Secretaryship to +the Judicial Bench; Mr. Shortt, his successor, recently voted against +conscription for Ireland; Lord French, the new Viceroy, is believed to +favour it. The appointments seem to have been made on the cancelling-out +principle, and are as hard to reconcile as the ministerial utterances on +the recent German push. Thus Mr. Macpherson declared that the crisis came +upon us like a thief in the night, while on the same day Mr. Churchill +observed that the German offensive had opened a month later than we had +calculated, and consequently our reserves in munitions were correspondingly +larger than they would have been. Anyhow, it is a good hearing that the +lost guns, tanks, and aeroplanes have all been more than replaced, and the +stores of ammunition completely replenished, while at the same time +munition workers have been released for the Army at the rate of a thousand +_a_ day. These results have been largely due to the wonderful work of +the women, who turned out innumerable shells of almost incredible +quality--not like that depicted by our artist. + +[Illustration: THE DUD] + +Mr. Bonar Law has brought in his Budget and asked for a trifle of 842 +millions. We are to pay more for our letters, our cheques, and our tobacco. +The Penny Postage has gone, and the Penny Pickwick with it. For the rest we +have had the Maurice Affair, which looked like a means of resurrecting the +Opposition but ended in giving the Government a new lease of life, and Sir +Eric Geddes has given unexpected support to the allegations that the German +pill-boxes were made of British cement. At least he admitted that the port +of Zeebrugge was positively congested with shiploads of the stuff. +Proportional Representation has been knocked out for the fifth time in this +Parliament; and we have to thank Sir Mark Sykes for telling us that the +Whip's definition of a crank is "a wealthy man who does not want a +Knighthood, or a nobleman who does not want to be an Under-Secretary." + +War is a great leveller. The Carl Rosa Company are about to produce an +opera by an English composer. And war _is_ teaching us to revise our +histories. For example, "'Nelson,' the greatest naval pageant film ever +attempted, will," says the _Daily News_, "tell the love story of +Nelson's life and the outstanding incidents of his career, including the +destruction of the Spanish Armada." No scandal about Queen Elizabeth, we +trust. The _Daily News_, by the way, is much exercised by Mr. Punch's +language towards the enemy, which it describes as being in the Billingsgate +vein. In spite of which rebuke, and at the risk of offending the readers of +that patriotic organ, Mr. Punch proposes to go on saying just what he +thinks of the Kaiser and his friends. + +The price of tobacco, as we have seen, is becoming a serious matter, but +Ireland proposes to grapple with the problem in her own way. The +Ballinasloe Asylum Committee, according to an announcement in the +_Times_ of May 14, have decided, with the sanction of the authorities, +to grow tobacco leaf for the use of their inmates. "A doctor said that if +the patients were debarred from an adequate supply of tobacco there would +be no controlling them." + +As a set-off to the anti-"Cuthbert" campaign in the Press the War Cabinet +has in its Report declared that "the whole Empire owes the Civil Service a +lasting debt of gratitude." It looks as if there was something in red tape +after all. We must not, however, fail to recognise the growth of the new +competitive spirit in the sphere of production, and Mr. Punch looks forward +to the establishment of Cup Competitions for Clydesdale Riveters and London +Allotment workers. Woman's work in munition factories has already been +applauded; her services on the land are now more in need than ever. + +[Illustration: WOMAN POWER + +CERES: "Speed the plough!" + +PLOUGHMAN: "I don't know who you are, ma'am, but it's no good speeding the +plough unless we can get the women to do the harvesting." + +(Fifty thousand more women are wanted on the land to take the place of men +called to the colours, if the harvest is to be got in.)] + + + +_June, 1918_. + + +The danger is not past, but grounds for hope multiply. The new German +assault between Montdidier and Noyon has brought little substantial gain at +heavy cost. The attacks towards Paris have been held, and Paris, with +admirable fortitude, makes little of the attentions of "Fat Bertha." "The +struggle must be fought out," declared the Kaiser in the recent anniversary +of his accession to the throne. In the meanwhile no opportunities of +talking it out will be overlooked by the enemy. He is once more playing the +old game of striving to promote discord between the Allies. At the very +moment when the official communiqués announced the capture of 45,000 +prisoners, the Chancellor began a new peace-offensive, aimed primarily at +France, and supported by mendacious reports that the French Government were +starting for Bordeaux, Clemenceau overthrown, and Foch disgraced. But the +campaign of falsehood has proved powerless to shake France or impose on the +German people. Commandeered enthusiasm is giving place to grave discontent. +The awakening of Germany has begun, and the promise of a speedy peace falls +on deaf ears. In the process of enlightenment the Americans have played a +conspicuous part, in spite of the persistent belittlement of the military +experts in the official German Press. The stars in their courses have +sometimes seemed to fight for Germany, but they are withdrawing their aid. + +[Illustration: "COMPLETE ACCORD"; OR, ALL DONE BY KINDNESS + +IMPERIAL TRAINER (to his dog Karl): "Now then, no nonsense: through you +go!"] + +[Illustration: THE CELESTIAL DUD. + +KAISER: "Ha! A new and brilliant star added to my constellation of the +Eagle!" + +GENERAL FOCH: "On the wane, I think." + +(It is anticipated in astronomical circles that the new star, _Nova +Aquilae_, will shortly disappear.)] + +The long struggle between von Kühlmann and the generals has ended in the +fall of the Minister; but not before he had indicated to the Reichstag the +possibility of another Thirty Years' War, and asserted that no intelligent +man ever entertained the wish that Germany should attain world-domination. +There was a time when this frank reflection on the Hohenzollern +intelligence would have constituted _lèse-majesté._ Coming from a +Minister it amounts to a portent. Now he has gone, but the growing belief +that military operations cannot end the war has not been scotched by his +fall, and Herr Erzberger vigorously carries on the campaign against +Chancellor Hertling and the generals. Austria has been at last goaded into +resuming the offensive on the Italian Front and met with a resounding +defeat. It remains to be seen how Turkey and Bulgaria will respond to the +urgent appeals of their exacting master. + +The ordeal of our men on the Western Front is terrible, but they have at +least one grand and heartening stand-by in the knowledge that they have +plenty of guns and no lack of shells behind them. This is the burden of the +"Song of Plenty" from an old soldier to a young one: + + The shelling's cruel bad, my son, + But don't you look too black, + For every blessed German one + He gets a dozen back-- + But I remember the days + When shells were terrible few + And never the guns could bark and blaze + The same as they do for you. + + But they sat in the swamp behind, my boy, and prayed for a tiny shell, + While Fritz, if he had the mind, my boy, could give us a first-class + hell; + And I know that a 5.9 looks bad to a bit of a London kid, + But I tell you you were a lucky lad to come out when you did. + + * * * * * + Up in the line again, my son, + And dirty work, no doubt, + But when the dirty work is done + They'll take the Regiment out-- + But I remember a day + When men were terrible few + And we hadn't reserves a mile away + The same as there are for you, + +But fourteen days at a stretch, my boy, and nothing about relief; Fight and +carry and fetch, my boy, with rests exceeding brief; And rotten as all +things sometimes are, they're not as they used to be, And you ought to +thank your lucky star you didn't come out with me. + + * * * * * + +Our mercurial Premier lays himself open to a good deal of legitimate +criticism, but for this immense relief, unstinted thanks are due to his +energy and the devoted labours of the munition workers, women as well as +men. + +The Admiralty have decided not to publish the Zeebrugge dispatches for fear +of giving information to the enemy. All he knows at present is that a score +and more of his torpedo-boats, submarines, and other vessels have been +securely locked up in the Bruges Canal by British Keyes. The Minister of +Pensions has told the House the moving story of what has already been done +to restore, so far as money and care can do it, the broken heroes of the +War, and Lord Newton's alleged obstructiveness in regard to the treatment +and exchange of prisoners has been discussed in the Lords. Mr. Punch's own +impression is that Lord Newton owes his unmerited position as whipping boy +to the fact that he does not suffer fools gladly, even if they come in the +guise of newspaper reporters; and that, unlike his illustrious namesake, he +has no use for the theory of gravity. Meanwhile the Kaiser, with a sublime +disregard for sunk hospital-ships and bombed hospitals, continues to +exhibit his bleeding heart to an astonished world. + +[Illustration: A PITIFUL POSE + +TEUTON CROCODILE: "I do so feel for the poor British wounded. I only wish +we could do more for them." + +"We Germans will preserve our conception of Christian duty towards the sick +and wounded"--_From recent remarks of the Kaiser reported by a German +correspondent_.] + +Now that the Food Controller has got into his stride, the nation has begun +to realise the huge debt it owes to his firmness and organising ability, +and is proportionately concerned to hear of his breakdown from overwork. +The queues have disappeared, supplies are adequate, and there are no +complaints of class-favouritism. + +[Illustration: BOBBY (at the conclusion of dinner): "Mother, I don't know +how it is, but I never seem to get that--that--nice sick feeling +nowadays."] + +It is remarkable how the British soldier will pick up languages, or at +least learn to interpret them. Only last week an American corporal stopped +a British Sergeant and said: "Say, Steve, can you put me wise where I can +barge into a boiled-shirt biscuit-juggler who would get me some eats?" And +the Sergeant at once directed him to a café. The training of the new +armies, to judge by the example depicted by our artist, affords fresh proof +of the saying that love is a _liberal_ education. + +The situation on the Parliamentary Front has been fairly quiet. The popular +pastime of asking when the promised Home Rule Bill is to be introduced is +no longer met by suitably varied but invariably evasive replies. The +Government has now frankly admitted that the policy of running Home Rule +and Conscription in double harness has been abandoned, and expects better +things from the new pair: Firm Government and Voluntary Recruiting. But +sceptics are unconvinced that the Government will abandon the leniency +prompted by "the insane view of creating an atmosphere in which something +incomprehensible is to occur." + +[Illustration: MISTRESS (as the new troops go by): "Which of them is your +cousin?" + +NURSEMAID (unguardedly): "I don't know yet, ma'am."] + +The lavish and, in many cases, inexplicable distribution of the Order of +the British Empire bids fair to add a peculiar lustre to the undecorated. +The War has produced no stranger paradox than the case of the gentleman who +within the space of seven days was sentenced to six months' imprisonment +for a breach of the Defence of the Realm regulations and recommended for +the O.B.E. on account of good services to the country. The fact that the +recommendation was withdrawn hardly justified the assumption of a +Pacificist Member that a sentence under the Defence of the Realm Act was +regarded as the higher honour of the two. + +There is one thing, however, that war at its worst cannot do. It cannot +make an Englishman forgo that peculiar and blessed birthright which enables +him to overthrow the Giant Despair with the weapon of whimsical humour--in +other words, to write, as a young officer has written for Mr. Punch, such a +set of verses as the following in June, 1918: + +THE BEST SMELL OF ALL + + When noses first were carved for men + Of varied width and height, + Strange smells and sweet were fashioned then + That all might know delight-- + Smells for the hooked, the snub, the fine, + The pug, the gross, the small, + A smell for each, and one divine + Last smell to soothe them all. + + The baccy smell, the smell of peat, + The rough gruff smell of tweed, + The rain smell on a dusty street + Are all good smells indeed; + The sea smell smelt through resinous trees, + The smell of burning wood, + The saintly smell of dairies--these + Are all rich smells and good. + + And good the smell the nose receives + From new-baked loaves, from hops, + From churches, from decaying leaves, + From pinks, from grocers' shops; + And smells of rare and fine bouquet + Proceed, the world allows, + From petrol, roses, cellars, hay, + Scrubbed planks, hot gin and cows. + + But there's a smell that doth excel + All other smells by far, + Even the tawny stable smell + Or the boisterous smell of tar; + A smell stupendous, past compare, + The king of smells, the prize, + That smell which floods the startled air + When home-cured bacon fries! + + All other smells, whate'er their worth, + Though dear and richly prized, + Are earthy smells and of the earth, + Are smells disparadised; + But when that smell of smells awakes + From ham of perfect cure, + It lifts the heart to heaven and makes + The doom of Satan sure. + + How good to sit at twilight's close + In a warm inn and feel + That marvellous smell caress the nose + With promise of a meal! + How good when bell for breakfast rings + To pause, while tripping down, + And snuff and snuff till Fancy brings + All Arcady to Town! + + But best, when day's first glimmerings break + Through curtains half withdrawn, + To lie and smell it, scarce awake, + In some great farm at dawn; + Cocks crow, the milkmaid clanks the pails, + The housemaid bangs the stairs; + And BACON suddenly assails + The nostrils unawares. + + Noses of varied width and height + Doth kindly Heaven bestow, + And choice of smells for our delight, + That all some joy may know; + Noses and smells for all the race + That on this earth do dwell, + And for a final act of grace + The astounding bacon smell. + +But the War has its drawbacks, and owing to its unexpected prolongation +there is a rumour that Mr. H.G. Wells will readjust his ideas on the +subject quarterly instead of twice a week as before. + + + +_July, 1918._ + + +"France's Day" was held on July 14 under the auspices of the British Red +Cross Committee. But this has been France's month, the month in which the +miracle of the first battle of the Marne has been equalled by the second, +and the Germans have been hurled back across the fatal river by the +tremendous counterstroke of General Foch. + +[Illustration: HUN TO HUN + +ATTILA (to Little Willie): "Speaking as one barbarian to another, I don't +recommend the neighbourhood. I found it a bit unhealthy myself." + +(Attila's victorious progress across Gaul was finally checked on the plains +of Châlons.)] + +[Illustration: VERY MUCH UP + +A Champagne Counter-Offensive] + +On the 15th the Germans launched their great offensive. On the 20th they +recrossed the Marne, and are now entitled to complain that General Foch not +only took over the French and British armies, but has recently started +taking over a good part of the German army. The neighbourhood has never +been a healthy one for the Huns since the days of Attila. + +Fritz has crossed the Marne and recrossed it--according to plan--and is +already on the way to the Aisne. The battle of the rivers has begun again, +but on new lines. Yet this amazing turn of the tide has been taken very +quietly in France and England. The Allies have rung no joy-bells; they are +content with doing their best to give Germany no occasion for further +indulgence in that form of jubilation. And Germany is meeting them more +than half way, their authorities having ordered a supplementary requisition +of those church-bells which were exempted when the first confiscation was +made. "At this heavy hour," said von Kühlmann to the Reichstag, "none of us +fully realise what we owe to the German Emperor." That was a month ago; the +realisation of their indebtedness has since advanced by leaps and bounds. +There are now 1,000,000 Americans in France. But the Kaiser and his +War-lords are still passing their victims through the fire to the +Pan-German Moloch, and threatening to send German generals to teach the +Austrian Army how to win offensives. It is even reported that the Germans +contemplate placing the ex-king of Greece on the throne of Finland. +Fantastic rumours are rife in these days; but there is only too good reason +to believe the report that the ex-Tsar, the Tsaritsa, and their daughters +have all been murdered by their brutal captors at Ekaterinburg. It seems +but yesterday when Nicholas was acclaimed as the Saviour and regenerator of +his people, and now Tsardom, irrevocably fallen from its high estate, has +gone down amid scenes of butchery and barbarity that eclipse the Reign of +Terror in France. + +Little has happened at Westminster to indicate a consciousness on the part +of the members of the great and glorious events in France. The Irish +Expeditionary Force, after an absence of three months and a severe training +at home, has returned to the Parliamentary Front, and their war-cry is +"Devlin's the friend, not Shortt!" But the Chief Secretary was able to make +the gratifying announcement that the voluntary recruiting campaign is to be +assisted by several Nationalist M.P.'s, including Captain Stephen Gwynn, +who has been serving in the trenches, and Colonel Lynch, who, having raised +one Irish brigade to fight against us in the Boer War, and been sentenced +to death for doing it, has now, with an inconsistency we cannot too +gratefully recognise, undertaken to raise another to fight on our side. Mr. +Bonar Law has revealed the interesting fact that only 288 members of the +House of Commons have received titles, decorations, or offices of profit +since it was elected in December, 1910. The unnoticed residue are probably +wondering whether it is their own modesty or the shortsightedness of +Ministers that has caused them to be passed over. Mr. Billing, after +several pathetic but futile efforts to regain his place in the limelight, +has at last succeeded in getting himself named, suspended, and forcibly +assisted by four stalwart officials in his exit from the House--the most +salutary movement, in the opinion of most members, with which he has yet +been connected. + +Admiral Sir Rosslyn Wemyss, in a recent speech, said that the association +between the two Services, the Royal Navy and the Mercantile Marine, had +been so close during the War, whatever that association might have been +before, that it seemed to him almost incredible that it could ever be +broken asunder. The First Sea Lord's statement is welcome and natural. But +there is nothing really new in this solidarity of the seas. The Secret of +the Ships is an old story: + + On their ventures in the service of a Tudor King or Queen + All the ships were just as like as they could be, + For the merchantman gave battle, while the Royal ship was seen + As a not too simple trader over-sea: + Being heirs to ancient customs, when their upper sails came down + As a token of respect in passing by, + They would add the salutation in a language of their own, + "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I." + + As the centuries receded came a parting of the ways + Till in time the separation went so far + That a family was founded who were traders all their days, + And another who were always men-of-war; + But whene'er they dipped their colours, one in faith, they understood-- + And the sea, who taught them both, could tell you why-- + That the custom never altered, so the greeting still held good, + "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I." + + Then in days of common sacrifice and peril was it strange + That they ratified the union of the past? + While their Masters, unsuspecting, greatly marvelled at the change, + But they prayed with all their souls that it would last; + And the ships, who know the secret, go rejoicing on their way, + For whatever be the ensign that they fly, + Such as keep the seas with honour are united when they pray, + "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I." + +[Illustration: + +"WAR PICTURES" + +THE MOTHER: "Of course, I don't understand them, dear; but they give me a +dreadful feeling. I can't bear to look at them. Is it really like that at +the Front?" + +THE WARRIOR (who has seen terrible things in battle): "Thank heaven, no, +mother."] + +England deplores the death of Lord Rhondda, who achieved success in the +most irksome and invidious of offices. He undertook the duties of Food +Controller in broken health, never spared himself, and died in harness. It +is to be hoped that he realised what was the truth--that he had won not +only the confidence but the gratitude of the public. + +Spain has rendered herself unpleasantly conspicuous by developing and +exporting a new form of influenza, and a Spanish astrologer predicts the +end of the world in a few months' time. But we are not going to allow those +petty distractions to take our minds off the War. Here we may note that +Baron Burian's recent message indicates that but for the War everything +would be all right in Austria. Our artists are certainly determined not to +let us forget it. But the most valuable pictures do not find their way into +galleries, though they do not lack appreciative spectators. + +[Illustration: + +CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "That's very clever. Who did it?" + +SERGEANT. "Oh, that's by Perkins, sir--quite an expert. Used to paint +sparrows before the war and sell 'em for canaries."] + +No record of the month would be complete without notice of the unique way +in which the Fourth of July has been celebrated by John Bull and Uncle Sam +in France. Truly such a meeting as this does make amends. + + + +_August, 1918_. + + +July was a glorious month for the Allies, and August is even better. It +began with the recovery of Soissons; a week later it was the turn of the +British, and Sir Douglas Haig struck hard on the Amiens front; since then +the enemy have been steadily driven back by the unrelenting pressure of the +Allies, Bapaume and Noyon have been recaptured, and with their faces set +for home the Germans have learnt to recognise in a new and unpleasant sense +the truth of the Kaiser's saying, "The worst is behind us." The 8th of +August was a bad day for Germany, for it showed that the counter-offensive +was not to be confined to one section; that henceforth no respite would be +allowed from hammer-blows. The German High Command endeavours to +tranquillise the German people by _communiqués_, the gist of which may +thus be rendered in verse: + + In those very identical regions + That sunder the Marne from the Aisne + We advanced to the rear with our legions + Long ago and have done it again; + Fools murmur of errors committed, + But every intelligent man + Has accepted the view that we flitted + According to plan. + +The French rivers have found their voice again: + + 'Twas the voice of the Marne + That began it with "Garn! + Full speed, Fritz, astarn!" + Then the Ourcq and the Crise + Sang "Move on, if you please." + The Ardre and the Vesle + Took up the glad tale, + And cried to the Aisne + "Wash out the Hun stain." + So all the way back from the Marne the French rivers + Have given the Boches in turn the cold shivers. + +[Illustration: "ACCORDING TO PLAN" + +LITTLE WILLIE: "Well, Father wanted a war of movement, and now he's got +it!"] + +[Illustration: VON POT AND VON KETTLE + +GERMAN GENERAL: "Why the devil don't you stop these Americans coming +across? That's your job." + +GERMAN ADMIRAL: "And why the devil don't you stop 'em when they _are_ +across? That's yours."] + +[Illustration: + +CHILD (who has been made much of by father home on leave for the first time +for two years): "Mummy dear, I like that man you call your husband."] + +Hindenburg has confided to a newspaper correspondent that the German people +need to develop the virtue of patience. According to the _Berliner +Tageblatt_ he has declared that he was not in favour of the July +offensive. Ludendorff, on the other hand, may fairly point out that it +isn't his offensive any longer. Anyhow, Hindenburg is fairly entitled to +give Ludendorff the credit of it since Ludendorff's friends have always +said that he supplied the old Mud-Marshal with brains. The amenities of +the High Command are growing lively, since the Navy is also concerned, +and the failure of the U-boats to check the influx of American troops +needs a lot of explaining away. The good news from the Front has been +received at home with remarkable composure, when one considers the +acute anxiety of the last four months. But it is the way of England to +endure felicity with calmness and adversity with fortitude. In the House of +Lords Lord Inchcape and Lord Emmott have been propitiating Nemesis by their +warnings of the gloomy financial future that is in store for us, while in +the Commons the Bolshevist group below the gangway are apparently much +perturbed by the prospect that Russia may be helped on to her legs again by +the Allies. Mr. Dillon's indictment of the Government for their treatment +of Ireland has had, however, a welcome if unexpected result. Mr. Shortt, +the new Chief Secretary, an avowed and unrepentant Home Ruler, has been +telling Mr. Dillon's followers a few plain truths about themselves: that +they have made no effort to turn the Home Rule Act into a practical +measure; that instead of denouncing Sinn Fein they had followed its lead; +that they had attacked the Irish executive when they ought to have +supported it, and by their refusal to help recruiting had forfeited the +sympathy of the British working classes. Mr. Lloyd George, in his review +of the War, warned the peacemongers not to expect their efforts to +succeed until the enemy knew he was beaten, but vouchsafed no information +as to his alleged intention to go to the country in the political sense. +In spite of the Premier's warning the Pacificists made another futile +attempt on the very next day to convince the House that the Germans were +ready to make an honest peace if only our Government would listen to it. +They were well answered by Mr. Robertson, who was a Pacificist himself +until this War converted him, and by Mr. Balfour, who declared that we +were quite ready to talk to Germany as soon as she showed any sign of +a change of heart. Up to the present there has been no sign of it. + +Food is still the universal topic. Small green apples, says a contemporary, +are proving popular. A boy correspondent, however, desires Mr. Punch to say +that he has a little inside information to the contrary. Nottingham +children, it is stated, are to be paid 3d. a pound for gathering +blackberries, but they are not to use their own receptacles. Captain +Amundsen is on his way to the Pole, but we fear that he will not find any +cheese there. The vocabulary of food control has even made its way to the +nursery. A small girl on being informed by her nurse that a new little baby +brother had come to live with her promptly replied: "Well, he can't stay +unless he's brought his coupons." + +[Illustration: + +LATEST ADDITION TO MINISTRY STAFF: "What's the tea-time here?" + +CICERONE: "Usual--three to five-thirty."] + +Yet one of Mr. Punch's poets, in prophetic and optimistic strain, has +actually dared to speculate on the delights of life without "Dora"; +Dickens, with the foresight of genius, wrote in "David Copperfield" how his +hero "felt it would have been an act of perfidy to Dora to have a natural +relish for my dinner." + +The enterprise of _The Times_ in securing the reminiscences of the +Kaiser's American dentist (or gum-architect, as he is called in his native +land) has aroused mingled feelings. But the Kaiser is reported to have +stated in no ambiguous terms that if, after the War, any Americans are to +be given access to him, from Ambassadors downwards, they must be able +neither to read nor write. _The Times_ is also responsible for the +headline: "The Archangel Landing." There was a rumour of something of this +kind after Mons, but this is apparently official. + +One prominent effect of the War has been to make two Propagandist +Departments flourish where none grew before, and it is to be feared that +the reflection on the industry of our new officials implied in the picture +on the previous page is not without foundation. + +War has not only stimulated the composition, but the perusal of poetry, +especially among women: + + When the Armageddon diet + Makes Priscilla feel unquiet, + She prescribes herself (from Pope) + An acidulated trope. + + When the lard-hunt ruffles Rose + Wordsworth lulls her to repose, + While a snippet from the "Swan" + Stops the jam-yearn of Yvonne. + + When the man-slump makes her fretty + Susie takes to D. Rossetti, + Though her sister Arabella + Rather fancies Wilcox (Ella). + + When Evangelina swoons + At the sound of the maroons, + Mrs. Hemans comes in handy + As a substitute for brandy. + + And when Auntie heard by chance + That the Curate was in France, + Browning's enigmatic lyrics + Helped to save her from hysterics. + + + +_September, 1918_. + + +Since July 15th, when the Kaiser mounted a high observation post to watch +the launching of the offensive which was to achieve his crowning victory, +but proved the prelude of the German collapse, the conflict has raged +continuously and with uninterrupted success for the Allied Armies. The +Kaiser Battle has become the Battle of Liberation. The French bore the +initial burden of the attack, but since August 8 "hundreds of thousands of +unbeaten Tommies," to quote the phrase of a French military expert, have +entered into action in a succession of attacks started one after the other +all the way up to Flanders. Rawlinson, Home, and Byng have carried on the +hammer work begun by Mangin, Gouraud, and Debeney. Péronne has been +recovered, the famous Drocourt-Quéant switch-line has been breached, the +Americans have flattened out the St. Mihiel salient. The perfect liaison of +British and French and Americans has been a wonderful example of combined +effort rendered possible by unity of command. "Marshal Foch strikes to-day +at a new front," is becoming a standing headline. And this highly desirable +"epidemic of strikes" is not confined to the Western Front. As +Generalissimo of all the Allied Forces the great French Marshal has planned +and carried out an _ensemble_ of operations designed to shatter and +demoralise the enemy at every point. The long inaction on the Salonika +Front has been ended by the rapid and triumphant advance of the British, +French, Serbians, and Greeks under General Franchet d'Esperey. Eight days +sufficed to smash the Bulgarians, and the armistice then granted was +followed four days later by the surrender of Bulgaria. In less than a +fortnight General Allenby pushed north from Jerusalem, annihilated the +Turkish armies in Palestine, and captured Damascus. And by the end of the +month the Hindenburg line had been breached and gone the way of the "Wotan" +line. Wotan was not a happy choice: + + But even super-Germans are wont at times to nod, + And to borrow Wotan's aegis was indubitably odd; + For dark decline o'erwhelmed his line: he saw his god-head wane, + And his stately palace vanish in a red and ruinous vain. + +[Illustration: STORM DRIVEN + +THE KAISER: "I don't like this wind, my son. Which way is it?" + +THE CROWN PRINCE: "Up!"] + +[Illustration: IN RESERVE + +GERMAN EAGLE (to German Dove): "Here, carry on for a bit, will you I'm +feeling rather run down."] + +Well may the Berlin _Tageblatt_ say that "the war stares us in the +face and stares very hard." When a daily paper announces "Half Crown +Prince's army turned over to another General," we are curious to know how +much the Half Crown Prince thinks the German Sovereign worth. But the end +is not yet. Our pride in the achievements of our Armies and Generals, in +the heroism of our Allies and the strategy of Marshal Foch does not blind +us to the skill and tenacity with which the Germans are conducting their +retreat. Fritz is a tough fighter; if only he had fought a clean fight we +could look forward to a thorough reconciliation. But that is a far cry for +those who have been in the war, farthest of all for our sailormen, who can +never forget certain acts of frightfulness. + + Hans Dans an' me was shipmates once, an' if 'e'd fought us clean, + Why shipmates still when war was done might Hans an' me 'ave been; + The truest pals a man can have are them 'e's fought before, + But--never no more, Hans Dans, my lad, so 'elp me, never no more! + +Austria has issued a Peace Note, and the German Chancellor has declared +that Germany is opposed to annexation in any form. The German Eagle, making +a virtue of necessity, is ready to give the bird of Peace an innings. + +[Illustration: ALARMING SPREAD OF BOBBING] + +The two Emmas, Ack and Pip, are naturally furious at the adoption of the +twenty-four hours' system of reckoning time, which means that their +occupation will be gone, and that like other old soldiers they will fade +away. Amongst other innovations we have to note the spread of "bobbing," +the further possibilities of which are alarming to contemplate. + +Ferdinand, Tsar of Bulgaria, great grandson of Philippe Egalité, finding +Sofia unhealthy, has been recuperating at Vienna. His future plans are +vague, but it is thought he may join the ex-Kings' Club in Switzerland. +Lenin, the Bolshevist Dictator, has recently experienced an attempt on his +life, and retaliated in a fashion which would have done credit to a +mediaeval despot. England still refuses to indulge in joy bells or bunting, +but the London police have seized the occasion to strike on the home front. +Their operations have been promptly if inconsistently rewarded by the +removal of their chief and his elevation to the baronetcy. + +Parliament is not sitting, and the voice of the Pro-Boche and the Pro-Bolsh +is temporarily hushed. We have to note, however, a most welcome +_rapprochement_ between Downing and Carmelite Streets--the _Daily +Mail_ has praised the Foreign Office for an "excellent piece of work," +and the scapegoat, unexpectedly caressed, is sitting up and taking +nourishment. + +The harvest has been a success, thanks to the energy of the new +land-workers, the armies behind the army: + + All the talent is here--all the great and the lesser, + The proud and the humble, the stout and the slim, + The second form boy and the aged professor, + Grade three and the hero in want of a limb. + +Four years of war have brought curious changes to "our village": + + Our baker's in the Flying Corps, + Our butcher's in the Buffs, + Our one policeman cares no more + For running in the roughs, + But carves a pathway to the stars + As trooper in the Tenth Hussars. + + The Mayor's a Dublin Fusilier, + The clerk's a Royal Scot, + The bellman is a brigadier + And something of a pot; + The barber, though at large, is spurned; + The Blue Boar's waiter is interned. + + The postman, now in Egypt, wears + A medal on his coat; + The vet. is breeding Belgian hares, + The vicar keeps a goat; + The schoolma'am knits upon her stool; + The village idiot gathers wool. + +[Illustrations: FARMER AND THE FARM LABOURER + +First week + +Second week + +Third week + +Fourth week] + +The husbandman and his new help have undergone mutual transformation. And +our cadet battalions are making themselves very much at home at Oxford and +Cambridge. + +[Illustration: CADET: "Really, from the way these College Authorities make +themselves at home you'd think the place belonged to them."] + +The Navy still remains the silent Service, but, as the need for reticence +is being relaxed by the triumph of our arms, we are beginning to learn +something, though unofficially as yet, of that "plaything of the Navy and +nightmare of the Huns"--the Q-boat: + + She can weave a web of magic for the unsuspecting foe, + She can scent the breath of Kultur leagues away, + She can hear a U-boat thinking in Atlantic depths below + And disintegrate it with a Martian ray; + She can feel her way by night + Through the minefield of the Bight; + She has all the tricks of science, grave and gay. + + In the twinkle of a searchlight she can suffer a sea-change + From a collier to a _Shamrock_ under sail, + From a Hyper-super-Dreadnought, old Leviathan at range, + To a lightship or a whaler or a whale; + With some canvas and a spar + She can mock the morning star + As a haystack or the flotsam of a gale. + + She's the derelict you chartered north of Flores outward-bound, + She's the iceberg that you sighted coming back, + She's the salt-rimed Biscay trawler heeling home to Plymouth Sound, + She's the phantom-ship that crossed the moon-beams' track; + She's the rock where none should be + In the Adriatic Sea, + She's the wisp of fog that haunts the Skagerrack. + +Recognition of services faithfully done is an endless task; but Mr. Punch +is glad to print the valedictory tribute of one of the boys in blue to a +V.A.D.--a class that has come in for much undeserved criticism. + + While willy-nilly I must go + A-hunting of the Hun, + You'll carry on--which now I know + (Although I've helped to rag you so) + Means great work greatly done. + +Among the minor events of the month has been the christening of a baby by +the names of Grierson Plumer Haig French Smith-Dorrien, as its father +served under these generals. The idea is, no doubt, to prevent the child +when older from asking: "What did you do in the Great War, Daddy?" + +England, as we have already said, endures its triumphs with composure. But +our printers are not altogether immune from excitement. An evening paper +informs us that "the dwifficuplties of passing from rigid trench warfare to +field warfare are gigantic and perhaps unsurmountable." And only our innate +sense of comradeship deters us from naming the distinguished contemporary +which recently published an article entitled: "The Importance of Bray." + + + +_October, 1918_. + + +THE growing _crescendo_ of success has reached its climax in this, the +most wonderful month of our _annus mirabilis._ Every day brings +tidings of a new victory. St. Quentin, Cambrai, and Laon had all been +recaptured in the first fortnight. On the 17th Ostend, Lille, and Douai +were regained, Bruges was reoccupied on the 19th, and by the 20th the +Belgian Army under King Albert, reinforced by the French and Americans, and +with the Second British Army under General Plumer on the right, had +compelled the Germans to evacuate the whole coast of Flanders. The Battle +of Liberation, which began on the Marne in July, is now waged +uninterruptedly from the Meuse to the sea. Only in Lorraine has the advance +of the American Army been held up by the difficulties of the _terrain_ +and the exceptionally stubborn resistance of the Germans. + +Elsewhere the "war of movement" has gone on with unrelenting energy +according to Foch's plan, which suggests a revision of Pope: + + Great Foch's law is by this rule exprest, + Prevent the coming, speed the parting pest. + +The German, true to his character of the world's worst loser and winner, +leaves behind him all manner of booby-traps, some puerile, many diabolical, +which give our sappers plenty of work, cause a good many casualties, and +only confirm the resolve of the victors. + +According to a German paper--the _Rhenish Westphalian +Gazette_--ex-criminals are being drafted into the German Army. But the +Allies propose to treat them without invidious distinction. The Crown +Prince recently observed that he had "many friends in the Entente +countries"; as a matter of fact, we seem to be getting them at the rate of +about twenty-five thousand a week. The criminals in the German Navy have +again been busy, adding to their previous exploits the sinking of the +passenger steamer _Leinster_, in the Irish Channel, with heavy loss of +life, the worst disaster of the kind since the torpedoing of the +_Lusitania_. Yet it is Germany that is the sinking ship. Ferdinand of +Bulgaria has joined the League of Abdication, and according to a Sofia +telegram, will devote himself to scientific pursuits. His only regret is +that the Allies thought of it first. Prince Friedrich Karl of Hesse says +that his accession to the throne of Finland will not take place for two +years, and for the first time since his emergence into publicity we find +ourselves in agreement with this monarch-elect. Ludendorff has resigned. +Austria is suing for peace; Count Tisza asks: "Why not admit frankly that +we have lost the War?" The Italians have crossed the Piave, and the +Serbians have reached the Danube. Turkey has been granted an armistice, and +with the daily victories of the Allies comes the daily report that the +Kaiser has abdicated. + +[Illustration: SOLDIER AND CIVILIAN + +MARSHAL FOCH (to Messrs. Clemenceau, Wilson and Lloyd George): "If you're +going up that road, gentlemen, look out for booby-traps."] + +Prince Max of Baden, the successor of Hertling in the Chancellorship, whose +appointment hardly bears out the promise of popular government, has issued +a pacific Manifesto which inspires an "Epitaph in anticipation": + + In memory of poor Prince Max, + Who, posing as the friend of Pax, + Yet was not noticeably lax + In the true Teuton faith which hacks + Its way along; forbidden tracks, + Marks bloody dates on almanacs + And holds all promises as wax; + Breeding, where once we knew Hans Sachs, + A race of monomaniacs.... + But now illusion's mirror cracks, + The radiant vision fades, the axe + Lies at the root. So farewell, Max! + +Certain people have proclaimed their opinion that the German nation ought +not to be humiliated. When all is said, Mr. Punch saves his pity for our +murdered dead. + +Parliament has met again, not that there is any very urgent need for their +labours just now. With a caution that seemed excessive Mr. Bonar Law has +thought it premature to discuss a military situation changing every +hour--though happily always for the better--or even to propose a formal +Vote of Thanks to men who are daily adding to their harvest of laurels. On +better grounds discussion of Mr. Wilson's famous "fourteen points" and of +demobilisation has been deprecated. The suggestion--made opportunely on +Trafalgar Day--for securing marks of distinction for our merchant seamen +gained a sympathetic hearing, and the proposal to make women eligible for +Parliament has been carried after a serious debate by an overwhelming +majority in which the _ci-devant_ anti-suffragists were as prominent +as the others. Five years ago such a motion would have furnished an orgy of +alleged humour, and been laughed out of the House. Mr. Dillon and his +colleagues have put a great many questions about the torpedoing of the +_Leinster_ and the lack of an escort. But it is unfortunate that their +tone suggested more indignation with the alleged laches of the Admiralty +than horror at the German crime. Irish indignation over the outrage, +according to a Nationalist M.P., is intense; but not to the point of +expressing itself in khaki. + +[Illustration: Die Nacht am Rhein] + +[Illustration: PROSPEROUS IRISH FARMER: "And what about the War, your +Riverence? Do ye think it will hould?"] + +The woes of the Irish harvest labourers in England have not yet been fully +appreciated, and seem to demand a revised version of "Moira O'Neill's" +beautiful poem: + +THE IRISH EXILE + + Over here in England I'm slavin' in the rain; + Six-an'-six a day we get, an' beds that wanst were clane; + Weary on the English work, 'tis killin' me that same-- + Och, Muckish Mountain, where I used to lie an' dhrame! + + At night the windows here are black as Father Murphy's hat; + 'Tis fivepence for a pint av beer, an' thin ye can't get that; + Their beef has shtrings like anny harp, for dacent ham I hunt-- + Och, Muckish Mountain, an' my pig's sweet grunt! + + Sure there's not a taste av butthermilk that wan can buy or beg, + Thin their sweet milk has no crame, an' is as blue as a duck-egg; + Their whisky is as wake as wather-gruel in a bowl--Och, + Muckish Mountain, where the _poteen_ warms yer sowl! + + 'Tis mesilf that longs for Irish air an' gran' ould Donegal, + Where there's lashins and there's lavins and no scarcity at all; + Where no wan cares about the War, but just to ate an' play-- + Och, Muckish Mountain, wid yer feet beside the say! + + Sure these Englishmin don't spare thimselves in this thremenjus fight; + They say 'tis life or death for thim, an', faith, they may be right; + But Father Murphy tells me that it's no consarn av mine-- + Och, Muckish Mountain, where the white clouds shine! + + Over there in Ireland we're very fond av peace, + Though we break the heads av Orangemin an' batther the police; + For we're all agin the Governmint wheriver we may be-- + Och, Muckish Mountain, an' the wild wind blowin' free! + + If they tuk me out to Flandhers, bedad I'd have to fight, + An' I'm tould thim Jarman vagabones won't let ye sleep at night; + So I'm going home to Ireland wid English notes galore-- + Och, Muckish Mountain, I will niver lave ye more! + +By way of contrast there is the mood of the Old Contemptibles, but it is +only fair to add that there are Irishmen among them: + +THE OLD-TIMER + + 'E aint't bin 'ung with medals, like a lot o' chaps abaht; + 'E's wore a little dingy but 'e isn't wearin' aht; + 'Is ole tin 'at is battered, but it isn't battered in, + An' if 'e ain't fergot to grouse, 'e ain't fergot to grin. + + I fancy that 'e's aged a bit since fust the War begun; + 'E's 'ad 'is fill o' fightin' an' 'e's 'ad 'is share o' fun; + 'Is eyes is kind o' quiet an' 'is mouth is sort o' set, + But if I didn't know 'im well I wouldn't know 'im yet. + + I recollec' the look of 'im the time o' the retreat, + The blood was through 'is toonic an' the skin was orf 'is feet; + But "Come aboard the bus," say 'e, "or you'll be lef be'ind!" + An' takes me weight upon 'is back--it 'asn't slip me mind. + + It might 'ave 'appened yesterday, it comes to me so plain; + 'E's dahn an' up a dozen times, a-reeling through the rain; + It might 'ave bin lars' Saturday I seem to 'ear 'im say: + "There's plenty room a-top, me lad, an' nothin' more to pay." + + 'E ain't bin 'ung with medals like a blackamore with beads; + 'E doesn't figure on the screen a-doin' darin' deeds; + But reckon I'll be lucky if I gets to Kingdom Come + Along o' that Contemptible wot wouldn't leave a chum. + +[Illustration: + +FIRST CONTEMPTIBLE: "D'you remember halting here on the retreat, George?" + +SECOND DITTO: "Can't call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village +in the wood there down by the river, or was it that place with the +cathedral and all them factories?"] + +Amongst other items of news we have to chronicle the appointment of Mr. +Arnold Bennett as a Director of Propaganda, the steady growth of +goat-keeping, and the exactions of taxi-drivers. It is now suggested that +if one of these pirates should charge you largely in excess of his legal +fare, you should tell him that you have nothing less than a five-pound +note. If you have an honest face and speak kindly he will probably accept +the amount. + +[Illustration: THE SANDS RUN OUT] + +Mr. Bonar Law has been making trips to and from France by aeroplane. The +report that a number of members of the Opposition have been invited by the +Admiralty to make a descent in a depth-charge turns out to be unfounded. +The prospects of peace are being discussed on public platforms, but, as +yet, with commendable discretion. Mr. Roberts, our excellent Minister of +Labour, has made bold to say that "the happenings of the last six weeks +justify us in the belief that peace is much nearer than it was during the +earlier part of the year." And a weekly paper has offered a prize of £500 +to the reader who predicts the date when the War will end. Meanwhile, +Hanover is said to have made Hindenburg a birthday present of a house in +the neighbourhood of the Zoological Gardens in that city, and we suggest +that before this gift is incorporated in the peace-terms the words "the +neighbourhood of" should be deleted. + + + +_November, 1918_. + + +The end has come with a swiftness that has outdone the hopes of the most +sanguine optimists. In the first eleven days of November we have seen +history in the making on a larger scale and with larger possibilities than +at any time since the age of Napoleon, perhaps since the world began. + +[Illustration: VICTORY!] + +To take the chief events in order, the Versailles Conference opened on the +1st; on the 3rd Austria gave in and the resolve of the German Naval High +Command to challenge the Grand Fleet in the North Sea was paralysed by the +mutiny at Kiel; on the 5th the Versailles Conference gave full powers to +Marshal Foch to arrange the terms of an armistice, and President Wilson +addressed the last of his Notes to Germany; on the 6th the American Army +reached Sedan; on the 9th Marshal Foch received Erzberger and the other +German Envoys, the Berlin Revolution broke out, and the Kaiser abdicated; +on the 10th the Kaiser fled to Holland, and the British reached Mons. The +wheel had come full circle. The Belgian, British, French, and American +Armies now formed a semi-circle from Ghent to Sedan, and threatened to +surround the German Armies already in retreat and crowded into the narrow +valley of the Meuse. Everything was ready for Foch's final attack; indeed, +he was on the point of attacking when the Germans, recognising that they +were faced with the prospect of a Sedan ten times greater than that of +1870, signed on November 11 an armistice which was equivalent to a military +capitulation, and gave Marshal Foch all that he wanted without the heavy +losses which further fighting would have undoubtedly involved. He had shown +himself the greatest military genius of the War. Here, in the words of one +of his former colleagues at the Ecole de Guerre, he proved himself free +from the stains which have so often tarnished great leaders in war, the +lust of conquest and personal ambition. Not only the Allies, but the whole +world owes an incalculable debt to this soldier of justice, compact of +reason and faith, imperturbable in adversity, self-effacing in the hour of +victory. Glorious also is the record of the other French Generals: the +strong-souled Pétain, hero of Verdun; the heroic Maunoury; Castlenau and +Mangin, Gouraud. Debeney, and Franchet d'Esperey, Captains Courageous, +worthy of France, her cause, and her indomitable _poilus_. In the +record of acknowledgment France stands first since her sacrifices and +losses have been heaviest, and she gave us in Foch the chief organiser of +victory, in Clemenceau the most inspiring example of intrepid +statesmanship. But the War could not have been won without England and the +Empire; without the ceaseless vigil in the North Sea; without the heroes of +Jutland and Coronel, of the Falkland Isles and Zeebrugge, of the Fleets +behind the Fleet; without the services of Smith-Dorrien at Mons, French at +Ypres; without the dogged endurance, the inflexible will and the +self-sacrificing loyalty of Haig; the dash of Maude and Allenby; the +steadfast leadership in defence and offence of Plumer and Byng, Home and +Rawlinson and Birdwood. + +[Illustration: OUR MAN + +With Mr. Punch's Grateful Compliments to Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig.] + +[Illustration: THE FINAL TOMMY;(ex-footballer): "We was just wipin' them +off the face of the earth when Foch blows his whistle and shouts 'Temps!'"] + +These are only some of the heroes who have added to the glories of our +blood and State, but the roll is endless--wonderful gunners and sappers and +airmen and dispatch riders, devoted surgeons and heroic nurses, +stretcher-bearers and ambulance drivers. But Mr. Punch's special heroes are +the Second Lieutenants and the Tommy who went on winning the War all the +time and never said that he was winning it until it was won. + +As for the young officers, dead and living, their record is the best answer +to the critics, mostly of the arm-chair type, who have chosen this time to +assail our public school system. In the papers of one of them killed on +August 28 there was found an article written in reply to "The Loom of +Youth," ending with these words: "Perhaps the greatest consolation of these +attacks on our greatest heritage in England (for we are the unique +possessors of the Public Schools) is the conviction that they will have but +little effect. Every public school boy is serving, and one in every six +gives up his life. They cannot be such bad places after all." + +Of the great mistakes made by Germany perhaps the greatest was in reckoning +on the detachment of the Dominions. The Canadians have made answer on a +hundred stricken fields before and after Vimy Ridge. Australia gave her +goodliest at Gallipoli, crowning the imperishable glory of those who died +there by her refusal to make a grievance of the apparent failure of the +expedition, and by the amazing achievement of her troops in the last six +months of the War. + +The immortal dead, British, Australians, New Zealanders, who fell in the +great adventure of the narrow straits are not forgotten in the hour of +triumph. + + GALLIPOLI + _Qui procul hinc ante diem perierunt_. + + Ye unforgotten, that for a great dream died, + Whose failing sense darkened on peaks unwon, + Whose souls went forth upon the wine-dark tide + To seas beyond the sun, + Far off, far off, but ours and England's yet, + Know she has conquered! Live again, and let + The clamouring trumpets break oblivion! + + Not as we dreamed, nor as you strove to do, + The strait is cloven, the crag is made our own; + The salt grey herbs have withered over you, + The stars of Spring gone down, + And your long loneliness has lain unstirred + By touch of home, unless some migrant bird + Flashed eastward from the white cliffs to the brown. + + Hard by the nameless dust of Argive men, + Remembered and remote, like theirs of Troy, + Your sleep has been, nor can ye wake again + To any cry of joy; + Summers and snows have melted on the waves. + And past the noble silence of your graves + The merging waters narrow and deploy. + + But not in vain, not all in vain, thank God; + All that you were and all you might have been + Was given to the cold effacing sod, + Unstrewn with garlands green; + The valour and the vision that were yours + Lie not with broken spears and fallen towers, + With glories perishable of all things seen. + + Children of one dear land and every sea, + At last fulfilment comes--the night is o'er; + Now, as at Samothrace, swift Victory + Walks winged on the shore; + And England, deathless Mother of the dead, + Gathers, with lifted eyes and unbowed head, + Her silent sons into her arms once more. + +Crowns and thrones have rocked and toppled of late, but our King and Queen, +by their unsparing and unfaltering devotion to duty, by their simplicity of +life and unerring instinct for saying and doing the right thing, have not +only set a fine example, but strengthened their hold on the loyalty of all +classes. And King Albert, who defied Germany at the outset, shared the +dangers of his soldiers in retreat and disaster, and throughout the war +proved an inspiration to his people, has been spared to lead them to +victory and has gloriously come into his own again. His decision to resist +Germany was perhaps the most heroic act of the War, and he has emerged from +his tremendous ordeal with world-wide prestige and unabated distaste for +the limelight. The liberation and resurrection of Belgium and Serbia have +been two of the most splendid outcomes of the World War, as the +_débâcle_ in Russia and the martyrdom of Armenia have been its +greatest tragedies. + +Parliament has been seen at its best and worst. When the Prime Minister +rose in the House on the afternoon of the 11th to announce the terms of the +Armistice signed at 5 A.M. that morning, members from nearly all parts of +the House rose to acclaim him. Even "the ranks of Tuscany" on the front +Opposition bench joined in the general cheering. Only Mr. Dillon and his +half-dozen supporters remained moody and silent, and when Mr. Speaker, in +his gold-embroidered joy-robes, headed a great procession to St. Margaret's +Church, and the ex-Premier and his successor--the man who drew the sword of +Britain in the war for freedom and the man whose good fortune it has been +to replace it in the sheath--fell in side by side, behind them walked the +representatives of every party save one. Mr. Dillon and his associates had +more urgent business in one of the side lobbies--to consider, perhaps, why +Lord Grey of Falloden, in his eve-of-war speech, had referred to Ireland as +"the one bright spot." This Irish aloofness is wondrously illustrated by +the _Sunday Independent_ of Dublin, which, in its issue of November +10, spoke of a racing event as the only redeeming feature of "an +unutterably dull week." We have to thank Mr. Dillon, however, for +unintentionally enlivening the dulness of the discussion on the relations +of Lord Northcliffe to the Ministry of Information and his forecast of the +peace terms. Mr. Baldwin, for the Government, while endeavouring to allay +the curiosity of members, said that "Napoleons will be Napoleons." Mr. +Dillon seemed to desire the appointment of a "Northcliffe Controller," but +that is impracticable. All our bravest men are too busy to take on the job. +Better still was the pointed query of Lord Henry Bentinck, "Is it not +possible to take Lord Northcliffe a little too seriously?" But there are +other problems to which the House has been addressing itself with a +justifiable seriousness--and demobilisation, the shortage of food and coal, +and the question how at the same time we are to provide for the outlay of +coals of fire and feed the Huns and not the guns. + +And how has England taken the news? In the main soberly and in a spirit of +infinite thankfulness, though in too many thousands of homes the loss of +our splendid, noble and gallant sons--alas! so often only sons--who made +victory possible by the gift of their lives, has made rejoicing impossible +for those who are left to mourn them. Yet there is consolation in the +knowledge that if they had lived to extreme old age they could never have +made a nobler thing of their lives. Shakespeare, who "has always been there +before," wrote the epitaph of those who fell in France when he spoke of one +who gave + + His body to that pleasant country's earth, + And his pure soul unto his captain, Christ, + Under whose colours he had fought so long. + +[Illustration: ARMISTICE DAY + +SMALL CHILD (excitedly): "Oh, Mother, what _do_ you think? They've +given us a whole holiday to-day in aid of the war."] + +And it is a source of unspeakable joy that our children are safe. For +though to most of them their ignorance has been bliss, they have not +escaped the horrors of a war in which non-combatants have suffered worse +than ever before. Only the healing hand of time can allay the grief of +those for whom there can be no reunion on earth with their nearest and +dearest: + + At last the dawn creeps in with golden fingers + Seeking my eyes, to bid them open wide + Upon a world at peace, where Sweetness lingers, + Where Terror is at rest and Hate has died. + + Loud soon shall sound a paean of thanksgiving + From happy women, welcoming their men, + Life born anew of joy to see them living. + Mother of Pity, what shall I do then? + +Of the people at large Mr. Punch cannot better the praise of one, the late +Mr. Henry James, who was nothing if not critical, and who proved his love +of England by adopting her citizenship in the darkest hour of her need: +"They were about as good, above all, when it came to the stress, as could +well be expected of people. They didn't know how good they were," and if +they lacked imagination they stimulated it immensely in others. + +Apart from some effervescence in the great cities, Armistice Day was +celebrated without exultation or extravagance. In one village that we know +of the church bells were rung by women. In London our deliverance was to +many people marked in the most dramatic way by the breaking of his long +silence by Big Ben: + + Gone are the days when sleep alone could break + War's grim and tyrannous spells; + Now it is rest and joy to lie awake + And listen to the bells. + +So the Great War ended. But there yet remained the most dramatic episode of +all--the surrender of the German Fleet to Admiral Beatty at Scapa Flow--a +surrender unprecedented in naval history, a great victory won without +striking a blow, which yet brought no joy to our Grand Fleet. For our +admirals and captains and bluejackets felt that the Germans had smirched +the glory of the fighting men of the sea, hitherto maintained in +untarnished splendour by all vanquished captains from the days of Carthage +to those of Cervera and Cradock. + +[Illustration: IN HONOUR OF THE BRITISH NAVY + +To commemorate the surrender of the German Fleet] + +EPILOGUE + +It remains to trace in brief retrospect the record of "the months +between"--a period of test and trial almost as severe as that of the War. + +Having steadfastly declined the solution of a Peace without Victory, the +Allies entered last November on the transitional period of Victory without +Peace. The fighting was ended in the main theatres of war, the Kaiser and +Crown Prince, discrowned and discredited, had sought refuge in exile, the +great German War machine had been smashed, and demobilisation began at a +rate which led to inevitable congestion and disappointment. The prosaic +village blacksmith was not far out when, in reply to the vicar's pious hope +that the time had come to beat our sword into a ploughshare, he observed, +"Well, I don't know, sir. Speaking as a blacksmith of forty-five years' +experience, I may tell you it can't be done." "The whole position is +provisional," said the _Times_ at the end of November. If Germany, +Austria, and Russia were to be fed, how was it to be done without +disregarding the prior claims of Serbia and Roumania? Even at home the food +question still continued to agitate the public mind. + +The General Election of December, 1918, which followed the dissolution of +the longest Parliament since the days of Charles II., was a striking, if +temporary proof, of the persistence of the rationing principle. It proved a +triumph for the Coalition "Coupon" and for Mr. Lloyd George; the extremists +and Pacificists were snowed under; Mr. Asquith was rejected and his +followers reduced to a mere handful; Labour came back with an increased +representation, though not as great as it desired or deserved. The triumph +of the irreconcilables in Ireland was a foregone but sinister conclusion to +their activities in the War, and an ominous prelude to their subsequent +efforts to wreck the Pence. The pledges in regard to indemnities, the +treatment of the Kaiser, and conscription so lavishly given by the +Coalition Leaders caused no little misgiving at the time, and pledges, like +curses, have an awkward way of coming home to roost. Mr. Punch's views on +the Kaiser, expressed in his Christmas Epilogue, are worth recalling. Mr. +Punch did not clamour for the death penalty, or wish to hand him over to +the tender mercies of German Kultur. "The only fault he committed in German +eyes is that he lost the War, and I wouldn't have him punished for the +wrong offence--for something, indeed, which was our doing as much as his. +No, I think I would just put him out of the way of doing further harm, in +some distant penitentiary like the Devil's Island, and leave him to himself +to think it all over; as _Caponsacchi_ said of _Guido_ in 'The +Ring and the Book': + + Not to die so much as slide out of life, + Pushed by the general horror and common hate + Low, lower--left o' the very edge of things." + +[Illustration: + +"Don't you think we ought to hang the Kaiser, Mrs. 'Arris?" + +"It ain't the Kaiser I'm worrying about--it's the bloke what interjuiced +his war-bacon."] + +[Illustration: REUNITED + +Strasbourg, December 8th, 1918.] + +Christmas, 1918, was more than "the Children's Truce." Our bugles had "sung +truce," the war cloud had lifted, the invaded sky was once more free of +"the grim geometry of Mars," and though very few households could celebrate +the greatest of anniversaries with unbroken ranks, the mercy of reunion was +granted to many homes. Yet Mr. Punch, in his Christmas musings on the +solemn memory of the dead who gave us this hour, could not but realise the +greatness of the task that lay before us if we were to make our country +worthy of the men who fought and died for her. The War was over, but +another had yet to be waged against poverty and sordid environment; against +the disabilities of birth; against the abuse of wealth; against the mutual +suspicions of Capital and Labour; against sloth, indifference, +self-complacency, and short memories. + +So the Old Year passed, the last of a terrible _quinquennium,_ +bringing grounds for thankfulness and hope along with the promise of unrest +and upheaval: with Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France, with the British +army holding its Watch on the Rhine, and with all eyes fixed on Paris, the +scene of the Peace Conference, already invaded by an international army of +delegates, experts, advisers, secretaries, typists, 500 American +journalists, and President Wilson. + +Great Expectations and their Tardy Fulfilment, thus in headline fashion +might one summarise the story of 1919, with Peace, the world's desire, +waiting for months outside the door of the Conference Chamber, with civil +war in Germany, Berlin bombed by German airmen, and anarchy in Russia, and +here at home impatience and discomfort, aggravated in the earlier months by +strikes and influenza, the largely increased numbers of unemployed +politicians, the weariest and dreariest of winter weather. + +[Illustration: RECONSTRUCTION: A NEW YEAR'S TASK] + +Yet even January had its alleviations in the return of the banana, the +prospect of unlimited lard, a distinct improvement in the manners of the +retail tradesman, the typographical fireworks of the _Times_ in honour +of President Wilson, and the retreat of Lord Northcliffe to the sunny +south. Lovers of sensation were conciliated by the appointment of "F.E." to +the Lord Chancellorship, the outbreak of Jazz, and the discovery of a +French author that the plays usually attributed to Shakespeare were written +by Lord Derby, though not apparently the present holder of the title. The +loss, through rejection or withdrawal, of so many of his old Parliamentary +puppets was a serious blow to Mr. Punch, but the old Liberals, buried like +the Babes in the Wood beneath a shower of Coalition coupons, already showed +a sanguine spirit, and the departure of the freaks could be contemplated +with resignation. The great Exodus to Paris began in December, but it +reached its height in January. The mystery of the Foreign Office official +who had _not_ gone was cleared up by the discovery that he was the +caretaker, a pivotal man who could not be demobilised. Another exodus of a +less desirable sort was that of the Sinn Fein prisoners, which gave rise to +the rumour that the Lord Lieutenant had threatened that if they destroyed +any more jails they would be rigorously released. Sinn Fein, which refused +to fight Germany, had already begun to play at a new sort of war. Australia +was preparing to welcome the homing transports sped with messages of +Godspeed from the Motherland: + + Rich reward your hearts shall hold, + None less dear if long delayed, + For with gifts of wattle-gold + Shall your country's debt be paid; + From her sunlight's golden store + She shall heal your hurts of war. + + Ere the mantling Channel's mist + Dim your distant decks and spars, + And your flag that victory kissed + And Valhalla hung with stars-- + Crowd and watch our signal fly: + "Gallant hearts, good-bye! _Good-bye!"_ + +[Illustration: + +THE 1919 MODEL + +MR. PUNCH: "They've given you a fine new machine, Mr. Premier, and you've +got plenty of spirit, but look out for bumps."] + +February, a month of comparative anti-climax, witnessed the reassembling of +Parliament, fuller than ever of members if not of wisdom. As none of the +Sinn Feiners were present, nor indeed any representative of Irish +Nationalism, the proceedings were as orderly as a Quaker's funeral, save +for the arrival of one member on a motor-scooter. Perhaps the most +interesting information elicited during the debates was this--that every +question put down costs the tax-payer a guinea. On February 20th there were +282 on the Order Paper, and Mr. Punch was moved to wonder whether this +cascade of curiosity might be abated if every questionist were obliged to +contribute half the cost, the amount to be deducted from his official +salary. The Speaker, the greatest of living Parliamentarians, was +re-elected by acclamation. Though human and humorous, he has grown into +something almost more like an institution than a man, like Big Ben, that +great patriot and public servant who never struck during the war. The best +news in February was that of M. Clemenceau's escape, though wounded, from +the Anarchist assassin who had attempted to translate Trotsky's threat into +action. But it did not help on the proposed Conference with the Russians at +Prinkipo or encourage the prospect of any tangible results from the +deliberation of the Prinkipotentiaries. The plain man could see no third +choice beyond supporting Bolshevism or anti-Bolshevism. But according to +our Prime Minister, we were committed to a compromise. The Allies were not +prepared to intervene in force, and they could not leave Russia to stew in +her own hell-broth. Meanwhile the chief criminal, Germany, had begun to +utter _ad misericordiam_ appeals for the relaxation of the Armistice +terms on the score of their cruelty; and Count Brockdorff-Rantzau gave us a +foretaste of his quality by declaring that "Germany cannot be treated as a +second-rate nation." + +[Illustration: "How was it you never let your mother know you'd won the +V.C.?" + +"It wasna ma turrn tae write."] + +[Illustration: ENGLAND EXPECTS + +(With Mr. Punch's best hopes for the success of the National Industrial +Conference.) + +BOTH LIONS (together): "Unaccustomed as I am to lie down with anything but +a lamb, still, for the sake of the public good ... "] + +At home, though the rays of "sweet unrationed revelry" were still to come, +and _Dulce Domum_ could not yet be sung in every sense, February +brought us some relief in the demobilisation of the pivotal pig. And the +decision to hold a National Industrial Conference was of encouraging augury +for the settlement of industrial strife on the basis of a full inquiry and +frank statement of facts. In other walks of life reticence still has its +charms, and even in February people had begun to ask who the General was +who had threatened not to write a book about the War. + +March, the mad month, remained true to type. Even Mr. Punch found it hard +to preserve his equanimity: + + O Month, before your final moon is set + Much may have happened--anything, in fact; + More than in any March that I have met, + (Last year excepted) fearful nerves are racked; + Anarchy does with Russia what it likes; + Paris is put conundrums very knotty; + And here in England, with its talk of strikes, + Men, like your own March hares, seem going dotty. + +Abroad the ex-Kaiser was very busy sawing trees, possibly owing to an +hallucination that they were German Generals. + +[Illustration: + +THE EASTER OFFERING + +MR. LLOYD GEORGE (fresh from Paris): "I don't say it's a perfect egg, but +parts of it, as the saying is, are excellent."] + +At home the Government decided to release such of the Sinn Fein prisoners +as had not already saved them the trouble, and a Coal Industry Commission +was appointed on which no representative of the general public was invited +to sit--that is to say, the patient, much enduring consumer, not the public +which has all along sought to discount peace by premature whooping, +jubilating, and Jazzing. For the Dove of Peace, though in strict training, +seemed in danger of collapsing under the weight of the League of Nations' +olive bough, to say nothing of other perils, notably the Bolshy-bird, a +most obscene brand of vulture. + +Mr. Wilson was once more on the Atlantic, and Mr. Lloyd George, distracted +between his duties in Paris and the demands of Labour, recalled Sir Boyle +Roche's bird, or the circus performer riding two horses at once. In +Parliament the interpretation of election pledges occupied a good deal of +time, and Mr. Bonar Law twice declared the policy of the Government in +regard to indemnities as being to demand the largest amount that Germany +could pay, but not to demand what we knew she couldn't pay. It would have +saved him a great deal of trouble if at the General Election the Government +spokesmen had insisted as much upon the second half of the policy as they +did on the first. Earnest appeals for economy were made from the Treasury +Bench on the occasion of the debate on the Civil Service Estimates, now +swollen to five times their pre-war magnitude, and were heartily applauded +by the House. To show how thoroughly they had gone home, Mr. Adamson, the +Labour Leader, immediately pressed for an increase in the salaries of +Members of Parliament. + +[Illustration: + +OVERWEIGHTED + +PRESIDENT WILSON: "Here's your olive branch. Now get busy." + +DOVE OF PEACE: "Of course, I want to please everybody, but isn't this a bit +thick?"] + +[Illustration: HOW TO BRIGHTEN THE PERIOD OF REACTION + +MOTHER (to son who has fought on most of the Fronts): "Don't you know what +to do with yourself, George? Why don't you 'ave a walk down the road, +dear?" + +FATHER: "Ah, 'e ain't seen the corner where they pulled down Simmondses' +fish-shop, 'as 'e. Ma?"] + +On the Rhine the efforts of our army of occupation to present the stern and +forbidding air supposed to mark our dealings with the inhabitants were +proving a lamentable failure. You can't produce a really good imitation of +a Hun without lots of practice. Gloating is entirely foreign to the nature +of Thomas Atkins, and he could not pass a child yelling in the gutter +without stooping to comfort it. At home his education was proceeding on +different lines. The period of reaction had set in, and unwonted exertions +were necessary to stimulate his interest. Such artless devices were, +however, preferable to the pastime, already fashionable in more exalted +circles, of kicking a total stranger round the room to the accompaniment of +cymbals, a motor siren, and a frying pan. + +After a month of madness it was not to be wondered at that we should have a +month of muzzling, though the enforcement of the order might have been +profitably extended from dogs to journalists. The secrecy maintained by the +Big Four--a phrase invented by America--the conflict of the idealists with +the realists, and the temporary break-away of the Italian wrestler, +Orlando, were bound to excite comment. But a shattered world could not be +rebuilt in a day, with Bolshevist wolves prowling about the Temple of +Peace, and the Dove at sea between the Ark and Archangel. The Covenant of +the League of Nations, though in a diluted form, had at last taken shape, +the Peace Machine had got a move on, and the Premier's spirited, if not +very dignified, retaliation on the newspaper snipers led to an abatement of +unnecessary hostilities, though the pastime of shooting policemen with +comparative impunity still flourished in Ireland, and the numbers and cost +of our "army of inoccupation" still continued to increase. Innumerable +queries were made in Parliament on the subject of the unemployment dole, +but the announcement that the Admiralty did not propose to perpetuate the +title "Grand Fleet" for the principal squadron of His Majesty's Navy passed +without comment. The Grand Fleet is now a part of the History that it did +so much to make. + +May and June were "hectic" months, in which the reaction from the fatigues +and restraints of War found vent in an increased disinclination for work, +encouraged by a tropical sun. These were the months of the resumption of +cricket, the Victory Derby, the flood of honours, and the flying of the +Atlantic, with a greater display of popular enthusiasm over the gallant +airmen who failed in that feat than over the generals who had won the War. +They were also the months of the duel between Mr. Smillie and the Dukes, +the discovery of oil in Derbyshire, the privileged excursion into War +polemics of Lord French, unrest in Egypt, renewed trouble with the police, +and a shortage of beer, boots and clothes. + +[Illustration: "END OF A PERFECT 'TAG'"] + +But though the Big Four had been temporarily reduced to a Big Three by +Italy's withdrawal, and though M. Clemenceau, Mr. Lloyd George, and +President Wilson had all suffered in prestige by the slow progress of the +negotiations, Versailles, with the advent of the German delegates, more +than ever riveted the gaze of an expectant world. To sign or not to sign, +or, in the words of Wilhelm Shakespeare, _Sein oder nicht sein: hier ist +die Frage_--that was the problem which from the moment of his famous +opening speech Count Brockdorff-Rantzau was up against. But, as the days +wore on, in spite of official impenitence and the double breach of the +Armistice terms by the scuttling of the German war-ships at Scapa and the +burning of the French flags at Berlin, the force of "fierce reluctant +truculent delay" was spent against the steadily growing volume of national +acquiescence, culminating in the decision of the Weimar Assembly, the tardy +choice of new delegates, and the final scene in the Hall of Mirrors, +haunted by the ghosts of 1871. + +Writing at the moment of the Signature of Peace and in deep thankfulness +for the relief it brings to a stricken world, Mr. Punch is too old to jazz +for joy, but he is young enough to face the future with a reasoned +optimism, born of a belief in his race and their heroic achievements in +these great and terrible years. Victory took us by surprise; and we were +less prepared for Peace at that moment than we had ever been for War. And +just as in the first days of the fighting we went astray, running after the +cry "Business as usual," so to-day we are making as bad a mistake when we +run after "Pleasure as usual"--or rather more than usual. But we soon +revised that early error, and we shall not waste much time about revising +this. For though we lacked imagination then, and still lack it, we have the +gift, perhaps even more useful if less showy, of commonsense. And when +commonsense is found in natures that are honest and hearts that are clean, +it may make mistakes, but not for long. No, the spirit which won the War is +not going to fail us at this second call. Perhaps we have only been waiting +for the actual coming of Peace to settle down to our new and greater task. + +But let us never forget the debt, unpaid and unpayable, to our immortal +dead and to the valiant survivors of the great conflict, to whom we owe +freedom and security and the possibility of a better and cleaner world. + +[Illustration: GHOSTS AT VERSAILLES] + + + +INDEX + + + "According to plan," + Admirals, retired, accept commissions in R.N.R. + Admiralty and Zeebrugge despatches + Africa, German South-West, Botha makes clean sweep in + After one Year + Airmen, Allied + Bombard Karlsruhe + German, increased activity of + Air Raids + Daylight, extend to London + Public to be warned + Aisne, Battle of + Alarming spread of bobbing + Albert, King of Belgium + Tribute to + Victorious on Flanders coast + Allenby, General + Advances steadily + Captures Damascus + Enters Jerusalem + Allied Council, new, formed + Allotment workers + Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France + Also Ran + America + Enters War + War of Notes + American, an, interviews German Crown Prince + American Troops + Enter firing line + First land in France + Ammunition expended round Neuve Chapelle + Amundsen, Roald, prepares for trip to North Pole + Ancre, British push extends to + Anglia, East, air-raids in + Antwerp, Fall of + Anzac, British heroism at + Armenia, martyrdom of + Armentières, Germans break through at + Armistice + Big Ben breaks silence + How England took news of + Signed + Women ring church bells + Armistice Day + Army Signalling Alphabet + Asquith, Mr. + Ceases to be Prime Minister + Discusses new Votes of Credit + Goes to Ireland + Promises to purge Peerage of Enemy Dukes + Recants hostility to Women's suffrage + Rejected at General Election + Athens, riot in + "Au Revoir!" + Australians, valour of + Austria + Defeated by Serbia + Defeated on Italian front + Gives in + Issues Peace Note + Sues for Peace + Threatens Roumania + Austrians driven from Belgrade + + Bad Dream, A + Baghdad, taken by British + Balfour, Mr. + Appointed First Lord + Returns from U.S.A. + Balkans, irrelevant news from + Banana, return of the + Bapaume + Germans take + Recaptured by Allies + Beatty, Admiral, German Fleet surrenders to + Belgium + Opposes German invasion + Resurrection of + Belgrade occupied by enemy + Bennett, Mr. Arnold, appointed Director of Propaganda + Berlin + Bombed + French flags burnt at + Revolution breaks out + Strikes in, suppressed + Bernstorff, Count + Mendacity of + Promotes strikes in U.S.A. + Best Smell of All, the + Bethmann-Hollweg dismissed, + Betrayed, + Big Four's secrecy, + Big Push, The, + Billing, Mr. Pemberton + Elected for Mid-Herts, + Offers to raid enemy aircraft bases. + Suspended from House of Commons, + Birdwood, General, + Birrell, Mr., apologia of, + Bismarck, Prince, + Bissing, Baron von, + Reported dead, + Retires from Belgium, + Bloaters, unprecedented price of, + _Blücher_, the, sunk by British, + Blume, General von, depreciates American intervention, + Boat-race, Oxford and Cambridge, suspended, + Bobbing, Alarming spread of, + Bordeaux, Paris Government removed to, + Botha, General + Enters War, + Makes clean sweep in S.W. Africa, + Bottomley, Mr. Horatio, visits France, + Bravo, Belgium, + Brazil enters War, + Bread, curtailment of, + Brest-Litovsk + Conference, + Taken by enemy, + Treaty signed, + British Expeditionary Force Lands in France, + Brockdorff-Rantzau, Count, + Bruges reoccupied by Allies, + Brusiloff, General + Opens new Russian offensive, + Successful against Austrians, + Brussels + Fall of, + Murder of Edith Cavell at, + Buckmaster, Lord, appointed Lord Chancellor, + Bukarest, fall of, + Bulgaria surrenders, + Bulgarians smashed by Allies, + Bull-dog Breed, the, + Bungalows, Government, increase of, + Burns, Mr. John, re-emerges, + Byng, General, + Victory at Cambrai, + Byron, Lord, and Greece, + By special request, + + Cabinet pool salaries, + Cadet battalions housed in colleges, + Caligny, Americans at, + Callousness of smart people, + Cambrai + Byng's victory at, + Recaptured by Allies, + Cambridge, Cadet battalions at, + Camouflage, new art of, + Caporetto, enemy break through at, + "Captain of Koepenick" reported dead, + Carson, Sir Edward + Pays tribute to Major Redmond, + Resigns Office, + Casement, Sir Roger, and German Kaiser, + Castlenau, General, + Casualties, British, + Cavell, Edith + Murder of, + Names of her principal assassins, + Cecil, Lord Robert, appointed Minister of Blockade, + Celestial Dud, the, + Censorship and War Correspondents, + Challenge, the, + Chamberlain, Mr. Austen, resigns office, + Champagne, French offensive at, + Chemin des Dames, Germans capture, + Children of Consolation, + Children's Peace, + China, food prices in, + Christmas + Musings, Punch's, + Truce and fraternisation, + Church bells requisitioned, + Churchill, Mr. Winston + Appointed Minister of Munitions, + Dardanelles expedition, + Paints landscapes, + Rejoins his regiment, + Resigns Duchy of Lancaster, + Retires to Duchy of Lancaster, + Civilian, the, and the War Office, + Civil Service Estimates, + Clemenceau, M. + Attempted assassination of, + Tribute to, + Clyde, labour troubles on the, + Coal Commission appointed, + Coalition Government + Formed, + Leaders' pledges, + Coalitionists triumph at General Election, + Coat that didn't come off, the, + Cologne, Archbishop of, and the Kaiser, + Combles taken by Allies, + Coming Army, the, + Commission + To inquire into Dardanelles expedition, + To inquire into Mesopotamian expedition, + "Complete accord," + Compulsory rationing a fact, + Comrades in Victory, + Conscientious Objectors in Non-combatant Corps, + Constables, special, guard King's highway, + Constantine, King of Greece + Abdicates, + Contemplates abdication, + Forms Cabinet of Professors, + Mr. Asquith's appeal to, + To receive £20,000 a year, + Treated tenderly, + Contemptibles, the old, + Corn Production Bill, + Coronel avenged, + Correspondents, Mr. Punch's, + Cradock, Admiral, + Crank, Whip's definition of a, + Craonne taken by French, + "Credibility index," + Crown Prince, German + American interviews, + Common brigand, a, + Has misgivings, + In exile, + Cuba declares war on Austria, + Cuffley, Zeppelin brought down at, + + _Daily Mail_, candour of, + _Daily News_ and _Punch_, + _Daily Telegraph_, Lord Lansdowne's letter to, + Damascus captured by Allies, + Dance of Death, the, + Danube, Serbians reach the, + Dardanelles Commission, + Dawn of Doubt, the, + Daylight Saving, + Bill passed, + Death Lord, the, + Debeney, General, + Praises Americans, + Defence of the Realm Act, + (De)merit, the reward of, + Demobilisation commences, + Derby, Lord + Director of Recruiting, + Minister of War, + Dernburg, Dr., his picture of German innocents, + _Deutschland_, German submarine, exploits of, + Devonport, Lord + Appointed Food Controller, + Approves new dietary for prisoners, + Retires as Food Controller, + Diary-- + 1914, August, + September, + October, + November, + December, + 1915, January, + February, + March, + April, + May, + June, + July, + August, + September, + October, + November, + December, + 1916, January, + February, + March, + April, + May, + June, + July, + August, + September, + October, + November, + December, + 1917, January, + February, + March, + April, + May, + June, + July, + August, + September, + October, + November, + December, + 1918, January, + February, + March, + April, + May, + June, + July, + August, + September, + October, + November, + Die Nacht am Rhein, + Dogger Bank, + German reverse off, + Domestic servant's philosophy, + Dominions, loyalty of, + Douai regained by Allies, + Drake's Way, + Drocourt-Quéant switchline breached by Allies, + Dud, the, + Duke, Mr., retires from Irish Chief Secretaryship, + Dumba, Dr., promotes strikes in U.S.A., + Dunraven, Lord, excuses Irishmen, + Dynastic Amenities, + + Easter offering, the, + Economy, appeals for, + Editor of the _Vorwärts_ arrested, + Education Bill + Second reading of, + Lord Haldane lectures on, + Ekaterinburg, Ex-Tsar and family murdered at, + _Emden_ sunk by the _Sydney_, + Emmas, the two, + Empire, indispensable in winning War, + End of a perfect "Tag," + England + Tribute to, by _New York Life_, + War could not have been won without, + Enver Pasha goes to Medina, + Epilogue, + Erzerum falls to Russians, + Euphemists, + Excursionist, the, + Exile, the Irish, + + "F.E." appointed Lord Chancellor, + _Falaba_, the, sunk by German submarine, + Falkland Islands, + Battle of, + Farmer and Farm Labourer, + Far-reaching effect of the Russian Push, the, + Ferdinand, King of Bulgaria + Abdicates, + Declares war on Serbia, + Goes to Vienna, + Inscrutability of, + Fidgety Wilhelm, the story of, + Fifth British Army, Germans break through, + Final, the, + Fisher, Lord, will not give explanations, + Fisher, Mr., eulogised, + Flag days, + Flanders coast evacuated by Germans, + Fleet, German, surrenders, + Flight that failed, + Flying of the Atlantic, + Foch, General + Appointed Generalissimo of Allied Forces, + Arranges Armistice, + Made a G.C.B., + Receives German envoys, + Tribute to, + Food at the Front, + Control, public for, + Production, urgency for increased, + Question discussed in Parliament, + Question in Germany, + Restriction, + Stocks increasing, + Ford, Mr. Henry + Offers his works to American authorities, + Visits Europe, + For Neutrals--For Natives, + Fort Douaumont falls, + Fourth of July celebrated in France, + France, destruction and desolation of, + France's Day, + Franchet d'Esperey, General, + Francis Joseph, Emperor, dies, + French, General + Appointed Viceroy of Ireland, + His "contemptible little army," + Relinquishes his command, + Responsible for Home Defence against enemy aircraft, + Fryatt, Captain, murder of, + Funchal, U-boats busy at, + + Gaiety at military hospitals, + Gallipoli, + Allies land in, + Casualties in, + Complete evacuation of, + Discomforts of, + Garibaldi still an animating force in Italy, + Gaul to the New Caesar, + Gaza taken by British, + Geddes, Sir Eric + Defends Admiralty, + First Lord, + General Election, + General Janvier, + Geography taught by War, + George V. of England + Abolishes German titles held by family, + His House to be known as Windsor, + Sets a fine example, + Visits Front, + George, Mr. Lloyd + Appointed Minister of Munitions, + Defines British policy, + Deputed to confer with Irish leaders, + Expounds plan for Irish Convention, + Prime Minister, + Secretary for War, + Suffers in prestige, + Triumph of, + Warns peacemongers, + Gerard, Mr., Reminiscences of, + German + "Frightfulness," + General Staff and set-backs, + Substitutes, + Germany + Campaign of Falsehood in, + Civil War in, + Fleet surrenders, + "German Truth Society" founded, + Great mistake of, + Hints to Italy, + Ill-treats prisoners, + Indulges in reprisals, + Jealous of _Lusitania_ records, + Laments over Allied blockade, + Lunatics called up for service, + Mutiny at Kiel, + New Peace offensive, + Old, contrasted, + Peace overtures, + Signs armistice, + Signs peace, + Sinks two hospital ships, + Sprays British soldiers with flaming petrol, + Squirts boiling pitch over Russians, + Torpedoes Neutral merchant ships, + Warns _Punch_, + Ghosts at Versailles, + God (and the Women) our shield, + _Goeben_, disaster to the, + _Good Hope_, H.M.S., sunk, + Gothas, activities of, + Gouraud, General, + Governesses, English, revelations of, + Grandcourt, taken by British, + Grand Fleet, ceaseless vigil of, + Title, passes. + Grapes of Verdun, the, + Great incentive, a, + Greece + Dominated by pro-German Court, + Hampers Allies, + Territory violated by Bulgarian troops, + Ultimatum presented to, + Greenwich time applied to Ireland, + Grey, Sir Edward + Dissatisfied with Neutrals, + Statements _re_ France and Belgium, + Grimsby fishermen's fight, + Guy Fawkes Day, no fireworks on, + Gwynn, Capt., undertakes to raise Irish brigade, + + Haig, Sir Douglas + Commander-in-Chief of British Armies in France, + Issues a Dispatch, + Issues historic order, + Haldane, Lord + Debt to, for Territorials, + Lectures on Education, + Retires from Chancellorship, + Hamlet, U.S.A., + _Hampshire_, the, mined, + Handyman, A, + Hardinge Report, Lords discuss the, + Harvest, a successful, + Haunted ship, + Havre, Belgian Government removed to, + Hay, Ian, book by, + Healy, Mr. Tim, champions Government, + Held! + Heligoland Bight, + Naval engagement in, + Hertling, Erzberger's campaign against Chancellor, + Hidden Hand, the, + Hindenburg, Marshal von + Assumes command of Austrian troops, + Presented with house, + Retreats on Western Front + Hindenburgitis + Hindenburg line breached + His latest + Home Front, the + Derby, Lord, most prominent man on + Drink, a dangerous enemy + Education of those on + Flower-beds sacrificed + Khaki weddings + London Police strike + Pessimists, cure for + Railway Travelling, discomforts of + Trials of mistresses on + Hooge, British success at + Horne, General + Hotels commandeered + House of Commons + Attends church + Characteristics of + How to brighten the period of reaction + Hunding line + Hun to Hun + Hyde Park used for training troops + + India, "lonely soldiers" in + Indian troops + Infectious hornpipe, the + Influenza, Spanish + In honour of the British Navy + In reserve + Inseparable, the + Invasion by sea, English Press fears + Ireland + Debate on, in Parliament + Dominates proceedings in Parliament + Exempted from Military Service Bill + Greenwich time applied to + Insurrection in West of + Insurrectionist leaders executed + Irreconcilables triumph at General Election + Maxwell, Sir John, appointed to supreme command + Nationalists attack Sir John Maxwell + Placed under martial law + Irish Convention + Exile, the + Harvest labourers + Italy + Bainsizza plateau saved + Declares war on Austria + Push on the Isonzo + + Jaffa, British in + James, Mr. Henry + Adopts British nationality + Tribute to England by + Jazz, outbreak of + Jellicoe, Lord, retires from post of First Sea Lord + Jericho captured by Allies + Jerusalem captured by British + Joffre, General, announces rolling back of enemy + John, Mr. Augustus, paints Mr. Lloyd George's portrait + Jones, Mr. Kennedy + Declares beer a food + Resignation of + Journalists visit the Fleet + Jutland, Battle of + + Kaiser, German + Abdicates + Absent from Francis Joseph's funeral + Attila's understudy + Blasphemer and Hypocrite + Denies responsibility for War + Disappointed with Allah + Encourages war on non-combatants + First War birthday + Flees to Holland + Foiled before Nancy + Has another grandson + Murderer of innocents + Orders blockade of England + Poses as friend of the people + Pro-Socialist + _Punch's_ views on + Refrains from active participation in military operations + Reprimands Prince Frederick Leopold of Prussia + Sorry for France + Speech to Eton College Volunteers + Talks of his conscience + Kaiser, Ex-, saws trees + Karl, Emperor of Austria's suggestion _re_ Alsace-Lorraine + Karlsruhe bombarded by Allied airmen + Kerensky, appointed head of Russian Provisional Government + Overthrown + Keyes, Admiral, locks up German submarines + Kiel, mutiny at + Kipling, Mr. + Kitchener, Lord + Asks for more men + Death of + Eulogies of + Gives frugal information to Lords + Meets critics in Parliament + Obtains 1,000,000 men + Starts on the _Hampshire_ for Russia + War Minister + Kluck, General von, failure of + _Kölnische Zeitung_ and _Punch_ + Kühlmann, von, fall of + Kultur, the reward of + Kut captured by British + + Labour + Demands of + Real voice of + Representation of + Troubles + Lansdowne, Lord, writes to _Daily Telegraph_ + Laon, recaptured by Allies + Last Throw, the + Law, Mr. Bonar + Announces air-raid reprisals + Appointed Leader of the House + Declares policy _re_ indemnities + Introduces Budget + Made Chancellor of the Exchequer + Travels to France by aeroplane + Will not discuss military situation, + League of Nations takes shape + _Leinster_, the, sunk by Germans + Lenin + Appearance of + Attempted assassination of + Installed as dictator + Liberators, the + Lichnowsky's disclosures + Liége, Fall of + Lies, German campaign of + Lighting Orders, enforcement of + Lille regained by Allies + Lissauer, Herr, decorated by Kaiser + London, daylight air-raids extend to + Lonely soldiers + Long, Mr. Walter, his remedy for carping criticism + Loos, fighting at + Lord Mayor's banquet simplified + Lost chief, the + Lost land, a + Louvain, sack of + Lovelace, the modern + Ludendorff resigns + _Lusitania_, the + American victims + Sinking of + Luxuries, imports of, curtailed + Lynch, Colonel, undertakes to raise Irish brigade + + MacCabean Boy Scouts + MacNeill, Mr. Swift + Endeavours to purge peerage of enemy dukes + Resents setting up of War Cabinet + Made in Germany + Mangin, General + Manifesto of German artists and professors + Marine, Mercantile, tribute paid to by Parliament + Marne + German push to + Germans again hurled back across + Mary, Queen of England, tribute to + Massacres by Bolshevists + Maude, General + Captures Kut + Death of + Maunoury, General + Maurice affair, the + Max, Burgomaster of Brussels + Max, Prince + German Chancellor + Issues pacific manifesto + McKenna, Mr. + Chancellor of Exchequer + Introduces Bill for raising War Loan + Meatless days + Men of forty-one wanted + Merchant ships + Dutch, sunk by German submarine + Neutral, torpedoed by German submarines + Mesopotamia, tide turning in + Messines Ridge captured + Michaelis, Dr. + Appointed German Chancellor + Dismissed + Military Service Bill + Becomes law + Ireland exempted from + Milner, Lord + on misleading war news + Minesweepers + honour due to + Ministry of Munitions created + Missing + Mistresses + trials of + Monastir + Fall of + Recaptured by Serbians and French + _Monmouth_, H.M.S. + sunk + Mons + British reach + Retreat from + Monte Sabotino captured by Italians + Moon our enemy + Morning Hate + Prussian household having its + Mort Homme + carnage at + Mottoes and proverbs + Mule humour + Müller, Captain + a chivalrous antagonist + Munitions + smart people work at + Museum, British + war spirit at + Museums, London + closed + Mutiny of sailors at Kiel + Muzzling Order + + Namur + Fall of + Narrows, the, + failure to get through + National Industrial Conference + National Party, the new + National Registration Bill + second Reading of + National Thrift Campaign + Navy + its efficient work + Need of men, the + Neuve Chapelle captured by British + New Armies + Composition of + Education of + Training of + New Conductor, the + New Guinea taken by Allies + New language, the + Newmarket + racing stopped at + Newspaper readers + "credibility index" for + Nicholas, Emperor of Russia + Abdicates + Generalissimo of his armies + Nineteen-nineteen Model, the + Northcliffe, Lord + and his correspondence + visits U.S.A. + North Sea + U-boats active in + Novo-Georgievsk taken by enemy + Noyon recaptured by Allies + + Officer, wounded + experiences of + Officers, young + splendid record of + Oil discovered in Derbyshire + Old Man of the Sea + Old-timer, the + Omen of 1908 + On Earth--Peace + One up! + On the Black List + Opera by English composer produced + Optimist, the + Order of British Empire + Orlando, Italian Statesman + Ostend + Naval exploit at + Regained by Allies + O.T.C. and the Universities + Our Man + Our persevering officials + "Ourselves Alone" + motto of Sinn Fein + Overweighted + Oxford + cadet battalions at + + Pacifists + Dilemma of + Impressed by Germany's lamentations + Paris + Exodus to + Peace Conference at + Shelled by long-distance gun + Parliament + Assembles + Dissolution of + Extension of life of + Houses of, Stars and Stripes and Union Jack fly over + Passchendaele Ridge stormed by British + Peace + Signed + The children's + Penny Postage gone + Perfect Innocence + Péronne + British enter + Fall of + Recovered by Allies + Persuading of Tino, the + Pétain + hero of Verdun + Piave + Italians cross the + Picture galleries, London, closed + Pill-boxes, German, made of British cement, + Pitiful pose, a, + Place in the moon, a, + Place of Arms, a, + Plain duty, a, + Plumer, General + Stands firm on the Piave, + Victorious in Flanders, + Poison gas, Germans use, + Police, London, strike, + Political truce, + Politician who addressed the troops, the, + _Pommern_, the, sunk by British, + Portugal enters War, + Posters + And Publicity, + And War Loans, + Newspaper, absence of, + Press + Bureau, + Campaign against Mr. Asquith, + German, humours of, + Prince of Wales + Relief Fund, + Takes his seat, + Prinkipo, proposed conference at, + Prisoner, British, sentenced for calling Germans "Huns," + Prisoners + German, arrive in Ireland, + German offer _re_, + Propaganda, German, in United States, + Prophecy + An old Arab, + _Punch's, re_ Kaiser, + Proportional Representation rejected, + _Punch's_ + Cartoons and the _Kölnische Zeitung,_ + Correspondents, + + _Queen Elizabeth_, H.M.S., attacks in Dardanelles, + Queries, futile, to wounded soldiers, + Queues + Disappear, + For various commodities, + "Queue War," + + Rabbit, the elusive, + Raids by sea, + Rasputin, sinister figure of. + Rationing, compulsory, + Rawlinson, General, + Realisation, + Reconstruction, + Recruit who took to it kindly, + Recruiting, posters to aid, + Redmond, Major William + Falls in Flanders, + Makes thrilling speech, + Tribute to, in Commons, + Redmond, Mr. John, death of, + Reichstag not blind to facts, + Rejuvenating effect of Zeppelins, + Reprisals on German cities advocated, + Repudiation, the, + Return of the Mock Turtle-Dove, + Reunited, + Reventlow, Count, and the Kaiser, + Reward of Kultur, the, + Rheims Cathedral bombarded, + Rhine, British Army's watch on the, + Rhondda, Lord + Appointed Food Controller, + Death of, + Richter, Dr. Hans, clamours for British extinction, + Riga, Gulf of, German defeat in, + Riga occupied by Germans, + Rivers, French, find their voices, + Roberts, Mr., Minister of Labour, + Roberts, Lord + Death of, + Germans pay tribute to, + His reticence, + Robertson, Sir William + Accepts Eastern Command at home, + Appointed Chief of Staff, + Displaced, + Robinson, Lieutenant, brings down Zeppelin, + Roosevelt, Mr., invents new invective, + Roumania joins Allies, + Royal Family, British, fine example of, + Royal Flying Corps, + Great losses of, + Running amok, + Rupprecht, Crown Prince, entertains journalists, + Russia + Army retreats, + Bolshevist _coup d'état._ + Bolshevist régime stained with massacres, + Collapses, + Dark hour of, + Débacle in, + End of Tsardom + Ex-Tsar and family shot, + Russia (_contd_.) + Provisional Government dissolved + Recovering herself + Republic proclaimed + Russian Army said to have passed through England + + Saint-Quentin recaptured by Allies + St. James's Park, lake in, drained + St. Mihiel salient flattened out by Americans + Salonika + Allies land at + Front + Triumphant advance by Allies on + Saluting abolished in Russian Army + Sands run out, the + San Gabriele, Italian success at + Santa Klaus, _Punch_ welcomes + Scapa Flow, German Fleet surrenders at + Germans scuttle their warships at + Scarborough bombarded + Scott, Admiral Percy + Expert adviser to Lord French + Scrapper scrapped, the + Secret + Diplomacy + Session + Sedan, American Army reaches + Serbia + Austrians and Germans invade + Liberation of + Overrun + Servant + Domestic, problem + Officer's description of + Sevastopol, Germans reach + Shaw, Mr. Bernard + Colossal arch-super-egotist + Visits Front + Shirkers' War News + Shortt, Mr., appointed Chief Secretary for Ireland + Siegfried line + Sinn Fein + Creed of + Excesses + Plays at war + Smart people, callousness of + Smith-Dorrien, General, at Le Cateau + Smuts, General, commands in East Africa + Soissons, Germans capture + Soldier and civilian + Soldiers, British + Cannot imitate Hun + Ordeal on Western Front + Tribute to + Solid, xiv + Some bird + Somme + Battle of the, commences + Guns heard in England + Results of Battle of the + "Song of Plenty" + South-West Africa + German, gives in to Allies + Germans poison wells in + Spanish influenza + Speaker of House of Commons re-elected + Spee, Admiral von, goes down with his squadron + Spies, German + _Spurlos versenkt_ + Spy-hunting in East Anglia + Spy play, emergence of + Storm driven + Strain on the affections + Strasbourg + Strauss, Herr, does not sign German artists' manifesto + Study of Prussian household having its Morning Hate + Sturdee, Admiral + Submarine frightfulness, the new, commences + Submarines, British, in the Baltic + Submarines, German + Cornered + Grimsby's fight against + Locked up + Torpedo British battleships + Suffragists' cause triumphs + Suits, standard + Sumner, Lord, on Houses of Parliament + Sunlight-loser, the + Suvla Bay, British heroism at + Sweden assists German Secret Service + Sweepers of the sea + Swooping from the West + + Tanks, coming of the + Tannenberg, Russian repulse at + Tares, the Sower of + T.B.D. + Territorials + Doing great work in India + Efficiency and keenness of + Mobilised + Teutons, panegyric of, in _Die Welt_ + Thiepval taken by Allies + Threatened Peace Offensive, + Thrift campaign, + Tirpitz, Grand Admiral, dismissed, + Tisza, Count, admits defeat, + To all at home, + Tommy, British + Needs no vocabulary, + Philosophy of, + To the Glory of France, + Townshend, General + Besieged in Kut, + Heroism of his force, + Tramcar humour, + Tramps disappear from England, + Transitional period, + Trawlers, honour due to, + Trenchard, General, retires from Air Staff, + Trenches, sportsmanship of, + Trench warfare commences, + Trials of a camouflage officer, + Trotsky released from internment, + Tsing-tau, Japanese take, + Tuber's repartee, the, + Turkey + Appeals to Berlin for funds, + Defeated in Caucasus, + Defeated on Suez Canal, + Enters war, + Granted armistice, + Two Germanies, the, + "Two heads with but a single thought," + + U-boat interned at Cadiz, + U-boats + Appear off U.S.A., + Sir E. Geddes's diagram _re_, + Ulstermen and Conscription, + Unauthorised flirtation, an, + Unconquerable, + Unemployment dole, + United States + Accused of stealing cypher key, + German propaganda in, + Issues warning Note on neutral trading, + No peace with Hohenzollerns, + Unsinkable Tirp., the, + + V.A.D., tributes to, + Venizelos, M., resumes power, + Verdun + Germans closing in on, + Struggle around, begins, + Triumph of French at, + Versailles + Conference, + Council, foresight of, + Peace signed at, + Very much up, + Victory! + Vienna, peace kite-flying at, + Villager, English, and prospects of invasion, + Vimy Ridge, Canadians capture, + Volunteers, training of, + Von Pot and von Kettle, + + Wales, South + Miners' strike, + Provides recruits, + Wanted--a St. Patrick, + War + Anniversaries of, + Cabinet, Mr. Henderson resigns from, + Changes wrought by, + Conference of the Empire called, + Daily cost of, + Loans, + News, the shirkers', + Pictures, + Propaganda, need for a, at home, + Teaching geography, + Vocabulary, + Ward, Colonel, defends Compulsory Service Bill, + Warsaw, Russians lose, + Waterloo Campaign and Great War, + Wayside Calvary, the, + Weddings, khaki, + Well done, the New Army, + Wemyss, Sir Rosslyn, on R.N. and mercantile marine, + Whigs and Tories, strife between, revived, + Whitby bombarded, + Wilhelm I.'s message to wife, + Wilhelmshaven indefinitely closed, + William o' the Wisp, + Wilson, General, appointed Chief of Imperial Staff, + Wilson, President + And the _Lusitania_, + Declines to be rushed, + Forbearance of, + His Fourteen Points, + Last Note to Germany, + Launches a new phrase, + Wittenberg, ill-treatment of prisoners at, + Wolff, mendacity of, + Woman Power + Women + Belgian, used as a screen + Driving vans + Gardeners + Licensed as taxi-drivers + Obtain the Vote + Opportunities taken by + _Punch_ delighted at their varied work + Undertake men's work, + War and poetry, + Word of ill-omen, a, + Wotan line, + Breached, + Wounded, return of, to England, + + YPRES + Germans repulsed at, + Germans stopped at, + Second battle of, + Third battle of, commences, + + ZEEBRUGGE, naval exploit at, + Zeppelin, Count, swears to destroy London, + Zeppelins + French bag several, + One brought down at Cuffley, + Plague of, stayed, + Raid encourages emulation, + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Mr. Punch's History of the Great War, by Punch + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH'S HISTORY OF THE WAR *** + +***** This file should be named 11571-0.txt or 11571-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/5/7/11571/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Susan Skinner and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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