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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:37:18 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:37:18 -0700 |
| commit | a0239dd1018f694dfbab0cb2ae42e9b674135b67 (patch) | |
| tree | 2540a2ea65b19a0b7f4ae9a93634f7232a48961f /11571-h | |
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diff --git a/11571-h/11571-h.htm b/11571-h/11571-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7570c4e --- /dev/null +++ b/11571-h/11571-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,9667 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=UTF-8"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mr. Punch's History of the Great War, by Punch</title> + +<style type="text/css"> + + * { font-family: Times;} + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + BLOCKQUOTE{font-size: 12pt} + + </style> + </head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11571 ***</div> + +<h2>Mr. PUNCH'S</h2> + +<h1>HISTORY OF THE GREAT WAR</h1> + +<h2>1919</h2> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + + +<table cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> +<tbody> +<tr><td align="left">First </td><td align=left>Impression</td><td> <i>July</i> 1919</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>Second</i></td><td align=center>"</td><td> <i>July</i> 1919</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>Third</i> </td><td align=center>"</td><td> <i>August</i> 1919</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>Fourth</i> </td><td align=center>"</td><td> <i>August</i> 1919</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>Fifth</i></td> <td align=center>"</td><td> <i>September</i> 1919</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>Sixth</i> </td><td align=center>"</td><td> <i>October</i> 1919</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>Seventh</i> </td><td align=center>"</td><td> <i>October</i> 1919</td></tr> +</tbody> +</table> + + + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + + +<center> +<img src="images/003.png" alt="PEACE--THE SOWER"> +</center> + +<h3>PEACE--THE SOWER</h3> +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h3>TO THE READER</h3> + + +<blockquote><i>For whatsoever worth or wit appears<br> +In this mixed record of five hectic years,<br> +This tale of heroes, heroines--and others--<br> +Thank first "O. S." and then his band of brothers<br> +Who took their cue, with pencil and with pen,<br> +From the gay courage of our fighting men.<br> +Theirs be the praise, not his, who here supplies<br> +Merely the editorial hooks and eyes<br> +And, rich by proxy, prodigally spends<br> +The largess of his colleagues and his friends.</i> +</blockquote> +<blockquote><i>C. L. G</i>.</blockquote> +<br> + +<h3>PROLOGUE</h3> +<br> + +<p>Though a lover of peace, Mr. Punch from his earliest +days has not been unfamiliar with war. He was born +during the Afghan campaign; in his youth England +fought side by side with the French in the Crimea; he saw +the old Queen bestow the first Victoria Crosses in 1857; he +was moved and stirred by the horrors and heroisms of the +Indian Mutiny. A little later on, when our relations with +France were strained by the Imperialism of Louis Napoleon, +he had witnessed the rise of the volunteer movement and made +merry with the activities of the citizen soldier of Brook Green. +Later on again he had watched, not without grave misgiving, +the growth of the great Prussian war machine which crushed +Denmark, overthrew Austria, and having isolated France, +overwhelmed her heroic resistance by superior numbers and +science, and stripped her of Alsace-Lorraine.</p> + +<p>In May, 1864, Mr. Punch presented the King of Prussia +with the "Order of St. Gibbet" for his treatment of Denmark.</p> + +<p>In August of the same year he portrayed the brigands +dividing the spoil and Prussia grabbing the lion's share, thus +foreshadowing the inevitable conflict with Austria.</p> + +<p>In the war of 1870-1 he showed France on her knees but +defying the new Caesar, and arraigned Bismarck before the +altar of Justice for demanding exorbitant securities.</p> + +<p>And in 1873, when the German occupation was ended by +the payment of the indemnity, in a flash of prophetic vision +Mr. Punch pictured France, vanquished but unsubdued, bidding +her conqueror "Au revoir."</p> + +<a name="GAULTOTHENEWCAESAR"></a> +<center><img src="images/007.png" alt="GAUL TO THE NEW CÆSAR"></center> +<h4>GAUL TO THE NEW CÆSAR</h4> + +<h4>"Defiance, Emperor, while I have strength to hurl it!" + +<i>(Dec. 17, 1870)</i></h4> +<br><br> +<p>More than forty years followed, years of peace and prosperity +for Great Britain, only broken by the South African +war, the wounds of which were healed by a generous settlement. +But all the time Germany was preparing for "The Day," +steadily perfecting her war machine, enlarging her armies, +creating a great fleet, and piling up colossal supplies of guns +and munitions, while her professors and historians, harnessed +to the car of militarism, inflamed the people against England +as the jealous enemy of Germany's legitimate expansion. +Abroad, like a great octopus, she was fastening the tentacles +of permeation and penetration in every corner of the globe, +honeycombing Russia and Belgium, France, England and +America with secret agents, spying and intriguing and abusing +our hospitality. For twenty-five years the Kaiser was our +frequent and honoured, if somewhat embarrassing, guest, +professing friendship for England and admiration of her ways, +shooting at Sandringham, competing at Cowes, sending telegrams +of congratulation to the University boat-race winners, +ingratiating himself with all he met by his social gifts, his +vivacious conversation, his prodigious versatility and energy.</p> + +<a name="THE_REWARD_OF_DEMERIT"></a> +<center><img src="images/008.png" alt="THE REWARD OF (DE)MERIT"></center> +<h4>THE REWARD OF (DE)MERIT<br> + +King Punch presenteth Prussia with the Order of "St. Gibbet."<br> + +(<i>May 7</i>, 1864)</h4> +<br><br> + +<p>Mr. Punch was no enemy of Germany. He remembered--none +better--the debt we owe to her learning and her art; +to Bach and Beethoven, to Handel, the "dear Saxon" who +adopted our citizenship; to Mendelssohn, who regarded +England as his second home; to her fairy tales and folk-lore; +to the Brothers Grimm and the <i>Struwwelpeter</i>; to the old kindly +Germany which has been driven mad by War Lords and Pan-Germans. +If Mr. Punch's awakening was gradual he at least +recognised the dangerous elements in the Kaiser's character +as far back as October, 1888, when he underlined Bismarck's +warning against Caesarism. In March, 1890, appeared +Tenniel's famous cartoon "Dropping the Pilot"; in May of +the same year the Kaiser appears as the <i>Enfant Terrible</i> of +Europe, rocking the boat and alarming his fellow-rulers. In +January, 1892, he is the Imperial Jack-in-the-Box with a finger +in every pie; in March, 1892, the modern Alexander, who</p> + +<blockquote>Assumes the God,<br> +Affects to nod,<br> +And seems to shake the spheres;<br></blockquote> + +<p>though unfortunately never nodding in the way that Homer +did. (This cartoon, by the way, caused <i>Punch</i> to be excluded +for a while from the Imperial Palace.)</p> + +<p>In February, 1896, Mr. Punch drew the Kaiser as Fidgety +Will. In January, 1897, he was the Imperial actor-manager +casting himself for a leading part in <i>Un Voyage en Chine</i>; in +October of the same year he was "Cook's Crusader," sympathising +with the Turk at the time of the Cretan ultimatum; +and in April, 1903, the famous visit to Tangier suggested the +Moor of Potsdam wooing Morocco to the strains of</p> + +<blockquote>"Unter den Linden"--always at Home,<br> +"Under the Limelight," wherever I roam.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="AU_REVOIR"></a> +<center><img src="images/010.png" alt=""AU REVOIR!""></center> +<h4>"AU REVOIR!"<br> +<br> +GERMANY: "Farewell, Madam, and if--"<br> + +FRANCE: "Ha! We shall meet again!"<br> + +(<i>Sept. 27, 1873.</i>)</h4> +<br><br> +<p>In 1905 the Kaiser was "The Sower of Tares," the enemy +of Europe.</p> + +<p>In 1910 he was Teutonising and Prussifying Turkey; in +1911 discovering to his discomfort that the Triple Entente was +a solid fact.</p> + +<p>And in September, 1913, he was shown as unable to dissemble +his disappointment at the defeat of the German-trained +Turkish army by the Balkan League.</p> + +<a name="THE_STORY_OF_FIDGETY_WILHELM"></a> +<center><img src="images/011.png" alt="THE STORY OF FIDGETY WILHELM"></center> +<h4>THE STORY OF FIDGETY WILHELM<br> +<br> +(Up-to-date Version of "Struwwelpeter")<br> +<br> +"Let me see if Wilhelm can<br> +Be a little gentleman;<br> +Let me see if he is able<br> +To sit still for once at table!"<br> +<br> +"But Fidgety Will<br> +He <i>won't</i> sit still."<br> +<br> +Just like any bucking horse.<br> +"Wilhelm! We are getting cross!"<br> +<i>Feb. 1, 1896.</i></h4> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_SOWER_OF_TARES"></a> +<center><img src="images/012.png" alt="THE SOWER OF TARES"></center> +<h4>THE SOWER OF TARES<br> +<br> +(<i>After Millais, Aug. 23, 1905</i>)</h4> +<br><br> +<p>So, too, with Turkey. From 1876 to 1913 Mr. Punch's +cartoons on the Near East are one continuous and illuminating +commentary on Lord Salisbury's historic admission that we +had "backed the wrong horse," culminating in the cartoon +"Armageddon: a Diversion" in December, 1912, when Turkey +says "Good! If only all these other Christian nations get at +one another's throats I may have a dog's chance yet." +Throughout the entire series the Sick Man remains cynical +and impenitent, blowing endless bubble-promises of reform +from his hookah, bullying and massacring his subject races +whenever he had the chance, playing off the jealousies of the +Powers, one against the other, to further his own sinister ends.</p> + +<a name="SOLID"></a> +<center><img src="images/013.png" alt="SOLID"></center> +<h4>SOLID<br> +<br> +GERMANY: "Donnerwetter! It's rock. I thought it was +going to be paper." (<i>Aug. 2, 1911</i>)</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Yet Mr. Punch does not wish to lay claim to any special +prescience or wisdom, for, in spite of lucid intervals of foresight, +we were all deceived by Germany. Nearly fifty years +of peace had blinded us to fifty years of relentless preparation +for war. But if we were deceived by the treachery of Germany's +false professions, we had no monopoly of illusion. Germany +made the huge mistake of believing that we would stand out--that +we dared not support France in face of our troubles +and divisions at home. She counted on the pacific influences +in a Liberal Cabinet, on the looseness of the ties which bound +us to our Dominions, on the "contemptible" numbers of our +Expeditionary Force, on the surrender of Belgium. She had +willed the War; the tragedy of Sarajevo gave her the excuse. +There is no longer any need to fix the responsibility. The +roots of the world conflict which seemed obscure to a neutral +statesman have long been laid bare by the avowals of the +chief criminal. The story is told in the Memoir of Prince +Lichnowsky, in the revelations of Dr. Muehlon of Krupp's, +in the official correspondence that has come to light since the +Revolution of Berlin. Germany stands before the bar of +civilisation as the <i>reus confitens</i> in the cause of light against +darkness, freedom against world enslavement.</p> + +<p>So the War began, and if "when war begins then hell +opens," the saying gained a tenfold truth in the greatest War +of all, when the aggressor at once began to wage it on non-combatants, +on the helpless and innocent, on women and +children, with a cold and deliberate ferocity unparalleled in +history. Let it now be frankly owned that in the shock of this +discovery Mr. Punch thought seriously of putting up his +shutters. How could he carry on in a shattered and mourning +world? The chronicle that follows shows how it became +possible, thanks to the temper of all our people in all parts of +the Empire, above all to the unwavering confidence of our +sailors and soldiers, to that "wonderful spirit of light-heartedness, +that perpetual sense of the ridiculous" which, in the words +of one of Mr. Punch's many contributors from the front, +"even under the most appalling conditions never seemed to +desert them, and which indeed seemed to flourish more freely +m the mud and rain of the front line trenches than in the +comparative comfort of billets or 'cushy jobs.'" Tommy gave +Mr. Punch his cue, and his high example was not thrown +away on those at home, where, when all allowance is made for +shirkers and slackers and scaremongers, callous pleasure-seekers, +faint-hearted pacificists, rebels and traitors, the great +majority so bore themselves as to convince Mr. Punch that it +was not only a privilege but a duty to minister to mirth even +at times when one hastened to laugh for fear of being obliged +to weep. In this resolve he was fortified and encouraged, week +after week, by the generous recognition of his efforts which +came from all parts of our far-flung line.</p> + +<p>This is no formal History of the War in the strict or scientific +sense of the phrase; no detailed record of naval and military +operations. There have been many occasions on which silence +or reticence seemed the only way to maintain the national composure. +It is <i>Mr. Punch's</i> History of the Great War, a mirror +of varying moods, month by month, but reflecting in the main +how England remained steadfastly true to her best traditions; +how all sorts and conditions of men and women comported +themselves throughout the greatest ordeal that had ever +befallen their race.</p> + + + + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2>Mr. PUNCH'S HISTORY of the GREAT WAR</h2> +<br> + +<h2><i><a name="August1914"></a>August, 1914.</i></h2> + +<p>Four weeks ago we stood on the verge of the great upheaval +and knew it not. We were thinking of holidays; +of cricket and golf and bathing, and then were suddenly +plunged in the deep waters of the greatest of all Wars. It has +been a month of rude awakening, of revelation, of discovery--of +many moods varying from confidence to deep misgiving, yet +dominated by a sense of relief that England has chosen the right +course. <a name="SirEdwardGreysstatement"></a>Sir Edward Grey's statement that we meant to stand by +France and fulfil our obligations to Belgium rallied all parties. +"Thrice armed is he that hath his quarrel just." The Fleet +"stands fast" and the vigil of the North Sea has begun.<a name="War_Office"></a> Lord +Kitchener has gone to the War Office, and in twelve days +from the declaration of War <a name="our_Expeditionary_Force"></a>our Expeditionary Force, the +best trained and equipped army that England has ever put +into the field, landed in France. The Dominions and India +are staunch. Every able-bodied public school boy and under-graduate +of military age has joined the colours. The Admiralty +is crowded with living counterparts of Captain Kettle, offering +their services in any capacity, linking up the Merchant Marine +with the Royal Navy in one great solidarity of the sea.</p> + +<p>The Empire is sound and united. So far the omens are +good. But as the days pass the colossal task of the Allies +becomes increasingly apparent. <a name="armies_of_spies"></a>Peace-loving nations are confronted +by a Power which has prepared for war for forty years, +equipped in every detail as no Power has ever been equipped +before, with a docile and well-disciplined people trained to arms, +fortified by a well-founded belief in their invincibility, reinforced +by armies of spies in every country, hostile or neutral. We +are up against the mightiest War-machine of all time, wonderful +in organisation, joining the savagery of the barbarian to the +deadliest resources of modern science. The revelation of the +black soul of Germany is the greatest and the most hideous +surprise of this month of months, crowning long years of +treachery and the abuse of hospitality with an orgy of butchery +and devastation--the torture and massacre of old men, women +and children, the shooting of hostages, the sack and burning +of towns and the destruction of ancient seats of learning. Yet +we feel that in trampling upon <a name="heroic_Belgium"></a>heroic Belgium, who dared to +bar the gate, Germany has outraged the conscience of the world +and sealed her ultimate doom.</p> + +<p>The month closes in gloom, the <a name="fallofLiège"></a>fall of Liége, Namur and +<a name="Brussels"></a>Brussels, the sack of Louvain, and the repulse of the Russian +raid into East Prussia at Tannenberg following in rapid succession. +Against these disasters we have to set the brilliant +engagement in the <a name="Heligoland_Bight"></a>Heligoland Bight. But the onrush of the +Germans on the Western front is not stayed, though their time-table +has been thrown out by the self-sacrifice of the Belgians, +the steadfast courage of <a name="Frenchscontemptiblelittlearmy"></a>French's "contemptible little army" +in the retreat from Mons, and the bold decision of Smith-Dorrien, +who saved the situation at Le Cateau. In these days +of apprehension and misgiving, clouded by alarming rumours +of a broken and annihilated army, it sometimes seems as though +we should never smile again. Where, in a world of blood and +tears, can <i>Punch</i> exercise his function without outraging the +fitness of things? These doubts have been with us from the +beginning, but they are already being resolved by the discovery--another +of the wonders of the time--that on the very fringes +of tragedy there is room for cheerfulness. When our fighting +men refuse to be downhearted in the direst peril, we at home +should follow their high example, note where we can the +humours of the fray, and "bear in silence though our hearts +may bleed."</p> + +<a name="BRAVOBELGIUM"></a> +<center><img src="images/018.png" alt="BRAVO, BELGIUM!"></center> +<h4>BRAVO, BELGIUM!</h4> +<br><br> + +<center><img src="images/019.png" alt="MEDICAL OFFICER: "Sorry I must reject you on account of your teeth.""></center> +<h4>MEDICAL OFFICER: "Sorry I must reject you on account of your teeth."<br> + +WOULD-BE-RECRUIT: "Man, ye're making a gran' mistake. I'm no wanting +to bite the Germans, I'm wanting to shoot 'em."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Germany in one brief month has given us a wonderful +exhibition of conscienceless strength, of disciplined ferocity. +She has shown an equally amazing failure to read the character +of her foes aright. We now know what German Kultur +means: but of the soul and spirit of England she knows nothing. +Least of all does she understand that formidable and incorrigible +levity which refuses to take hard knocks seriously. It will +be our privilege to assist in educating our enemies on these +and other points, even though, as Lord Kitchener thinks, +it takes three years to do it. The Mad Dog of Europe is +loose, but we remember the fate of the dog who "to serve +some private ends went mad and bit the man." "The man +recovered from his bite, the dog it was that died." Meanwhile +the Official Press Bureau has begun its operations, the Prince +of Wales's <a name="Relief_Fun"></a>Relief Fund for the relief of those who may suffer +distress through the war is started, and in the City</p> + +<blockquote>Because beneath grey Northern Skies<br> + Some grey hulls heave and fall,<br> +The merchants sell their merchandise<br> + All just as usual.<br> +<br></blockquote> +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="September1914"></a>September, 1914.</i></h2> + +<p>Another month of revelations and reticences, of carnage +and destruction, loss and gain, with the miracle of the +Marne as the first great sign of the turning of the tide. +On September 3 the <a name="Paris_Government_moved_to_Bordeaux"></a>Paris Government moved to Bordeaux, +on the 5th the retreat from Mons ended, on the 13th <a name="Joffre"></a>Joffre, +always unboastful and laconic, announced the rolling back of +the invaders, on the 15th the <a name="battle_of_the_Aisne"></a>battle of the Aisne had begun. +What an Iliad of agony, endurance and heroism lies behind +these dates--the ordeal and deliverance of Paris, the steadfastness +of the "Contemptibles," the martyrdom of Belgium!</p> + +<p>Day by day Germany unmasks herself more clearly in her +true colours from highest to lowest. The Kaiser reveals himself +as a <a name="blasphemer_and_hypocrite"></a>blasphemer and hypocrite, the Imperial crocodile with +the bleeding heart, the Crown Prince as a<a name="common_brigand"></a> common brigand, +the High Command as chief instigators to ferocity<a name="Belgium_women"></a>, the rank +and file as docile instruments of butchery and torture, content +to use Belgium women as a screen when going into action.</p> + +<blockquote><a name="THE_TWO_GERMANIES"></a>THE TWO GERMANIES<br> +<br> +Marvellous the utter transformation<br> +Of the spirit of the German nation!<br> +<br> +Once the land of poets, seers and sages,<br> +Who enchant us in their deathless pages,<br> +<br> +Holding high the torch of Truth, and earning<br> +Endless honour by their zeal for learning.<br> +<br> +Such the land that in an age uncouther<br> +Bred the soul-emancipating LUTHER.<br> +<br> +Such the land that made our debt the greater<br> +By the gift of <i>Faust</i> and <i>Struwwelpeter</i>.<br> +<br> +Now the creed of Nietzsche, base, unholy,<br> +Guides the nation's brain and guides it solely.<br> +<br> +Now Mozart's serene and joyous magic<br> +Yields to RICHARD STRAUSS, the haemorrhagic.<a name="FNanchorA"></a><a href="#Footnote_A"><sup>[A]</sup></a><br> +<br> +Now the eagle changing to the vulture<br> +Preaches rapine in the name of culture.<br> +<br> +Now the Prussian <i>Junker</i>, blind with fury,<br> +Claims to be God's counsel, judge and jury,<br> +<br> +While the authentic German genius slumbers,<br> +Cast into the limbo of back numbers.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="Footnote_A"></a><a href="#FNanchorA">[A]</a> Great play is made in Strauss's <i>Elektra</i> with the "slippery blood" motive. + +<p>The <a name="campaign_of_lies"></a>campaign of lies goes on with immense energy in all +neutral countries, for the Kaiser is evidently of opinion that +the pen is perhaps mightier than the sword.</p> + +<p>At home the great improvisation of the New Armies, undertaken +by Lord Kitchener in the teeth of much expert criticism, +goes steadily on. <a name="500000men"></a>Lord Kitchener asked for 500,000 men, +and he has got them. On September 10 the House voted +another half million. The open spaces in <a name="Hyde_Park"></a>Hyde Park are +given over to training;<a name="place_of_men"></a> women are beginning to take the +place of men. Already the spirit of the new soldiers is +growing akin to that of the regulars. One of Mr. Punch's +brigade, who has begun to send his impressions of the +<a name="mobilised_Territorials"></a>mobilised Territorials, sums it up very well when he says that, amateurs +or professionals, they are all very much alike. "Feed them +like princes and pamper them like babies, and they'll complain +all the time. But stand them up to be shot at and they'll take +it as a joke, and rather a good joke, too." <a name="dignified_reticence"></a>Lord Roberts +maintains a dignified reticence, but that is "Bobs' way":</p> + +<blockquote>He knew, none better, how 'twould be,<br> + And spoke his warning far and wide:<br> +He worked to save us ceaselessly,<br> + Setting his well-earned ease aside.<br> +<br> +We smiled and shrugged and went our way,<br> + Blind to the swift approaching blow:<br> +His every word proves true to-day,<br> + But no man hears, "I told you so!"<br></blockquote> + +<p>Meanwhile <a name="General_Botha"></a>General Botha, Boer and Briton too, is on the +war-path, and we can, without an undue stretch of imagination, +picture him composing a telegram to the Kaiser in these terms: +"Just off to repel another raid. Your customary wire of congratulations +should be addressed, 'British Headquarters, German +South-West Africa.'"</p> + +<a name="GODANDTHEWOMENOURSHIELD"></a> +<center><img src="images/022.png" alt="GOD (AND THE WOMEN) OUR SHIELD"></center> +<h4>GOD (AND THE WOMEN) OUR SHIELD<br> +<br> +Study of a German Gentleman going into Action +</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="The_rigours_of_the_Censorshi"></a>The rigours of the Censorship are pressing hard on war +correspondents. Official news of importance trickles in in +driblets: for the rest, newspaper men, miles from the front, +are driven to eke out their dispatches with negligible trivialities. +We know that <a name="Rheims_Cathedral"></a>Rheims Cathedral is suffering wanton bombardment. +And a great many of us believe that at least a quarter +of a million Russians have passed through England on their +way to France. The number of people who have seen them +is large: that of those who have seen people who have seen +them is enormous.</p> + +<a name="DoIknowiftheRooshunshasreallycometoEngland"></a> +<center><img src="images/023.png" alt="PORTER: "Do I know if the Rooshuns has really come to England?"></center> +<h4>PORTER: "Do I know if the Rooshuns has really come to England? Well, +sir, if this don't prove it, I don't know what do. A train went through here +full, and when it came back I knowed there'd been Rooshuns in it, 'cause the +cushions and floors was covered with snow."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>We gather that the Press Bureau has no notion whether +the rumour is true or not, and cannot think of any way of +finding out. But it consents to its publication in the hope +that it will frighten the Kaiser. Apropos of the Russians we +learn that they have won a pronounced victory (though not +by us) at Przemysl.</p> + +<p>Motto for the month: <i>Grattez le Prusse et vous trouverez +le barbare</i>.</p> + +<a name="UNCONQUERABLE"></a> +<center><img src="images/024.png" alt="UNCONQUERABLE"></center> +<h4>UNCONQUERABLE<br> +<br> +THE KAISER: "So, you see--you've lost everything."<br> + +THE KING OF THE BELGIANS: "Not my soul."</h4> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="October1914"></a>October, 1914.</i></h2> + +<p><a name="Antwerp_has_fallen"></a>Antwerp has fallen and the Belgian Government removed +to Havre. But the spirit of the King and his +army is unshaken.</p> + +<p>Unshaken, too, is the courage of <a name="Burgomaster_Max"></a>Burgomaster Max of +Brussels, "who faced the German bullies with the stiffest of +stiff backs." <a name="fall_of_Nancy"></a>The Kaiser has been foiled in his hope of witnessing +the fall of Nancy, the drive for the Channel ports has +begun at Ypres,<a name="battleships"></a> and German submarines have retorted to Mr. +Churchill's threat to "dig out" the German Fleet "like rats" +by torpedoing three battleships. <a name="Trench_warfare"></a>Trench warfare is in full and +deadly swing, but "Thomas of the light heart" refuses to be +downhearted:</p> + +<blockquote>He takes to fighting as a game,<br> +He does no talking through his hat<br> +Of holy missions: all the same<br> +He has his faith--be sure of that:<br> +He'll not disgrace his sporting breed<br> +Nor play what isn't cricket. There's his creed.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="Terriers"></a>Last month Lord Kitchener paid a high tribute to the +growing efficiency of the "Terriers" and their readiness to go +anywhere. <i>Punch's</i> representative with the "Watch Dogs" +fully bears out this praise. They have been inoculated and +are ready to move on. Some suggest India, others Egypt. +"But what tempted the majority was the thought of a season's +shooting without having to pay for so much as a gun licence, +and so we decided for the Continent."</p> + +<p>News from the front continues scanty, and Joffre's laconic +<i>communiqués</i> might in sum be versified as follows:</p> + +<blockquote>On our left wing the state of things remains<br> +Unaltered on a general review,<br> +Our losses in the centre match our gains,<br> +And on our right wing there is nothing new.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Nor do we gain much enlightenment from the "Eyewitness" +with G.H.Q., though his literary skill in elegantly +describing the things that do not matter moves our admiration.</p> + +<a name="THE_BULL-DOG_BREED"></a> +<center><img src="images/026.png" alt="THE BULL-DOG BREED"></center> +<h4>THE BULL-DOG BREED<br> +<br> +OFFICER: "Now, my lad, do you know what you are placed here for?"<br> + +RECRUIT: "To prevent the henemy from landin', sir."<br> + +OFFICER: "And do you think you could prevent him landing all by +yourself?"<br> + +RECRUIT: "Don't know, sir, I'm sure. But I'd have a damn good try!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The Kaiser's sons continue to distinguish themselves as first-class +looters, and the ban laid on the English language, including +very properly the word "gentleman," has been lifted +in favour of Wilhelm Shakespeare.</p> + +<p>The prophets are no longer so optimistic in predicting +when the War will end. One of Mr. Punch's young men +suggests Christmas, 1918.<a name="Templemore"></a> But 500 German prisoners have +arrived at Templemore, co. Tipperary. It's a long, long way, +but they've got there at last.</p> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="November1914"></a>November, 1914</i>.</h2> + +<p>The miracle of the Marne has been followed by another +miracle--that of Ypres. Outgunned and outnumbered, +our thin line has <a name="stemmed_the_rush"></a>stemmed the rush to the sea.</p> + +<p>The road to Calais has been blocked like that to Paris. +<a name="Tsing-tau"></a>Heartening news comes from afar of the fall of Tsing-tau before +our redoubtable Japanese allies, and with it the crumbling of +Germany's scheme of an Oriental Empire; of the British occupation +of Basra; and of the <a name="sinking_of_the_Emden"></a>sinking of the <i>Emden</i>, thanks to +the "good hunting" of the <i>Sydney</i>--the first fruits of Australian +aid. <a name="A_new_enemy"></a>A new enemy has appeared in Turkey, but her defection +has its consolations. It is something to be rid of an "unspeakable" +incubus full of promises of reform never fulfilled, "sick" +but unrepentant, always turning European discord to bloody +account at the expense of her subject nationalities: in all +respects a fitting partner for her ally and master.</p> + +<p><a name="Cradock"></a>At sea our pain at the loss of the <i>Good Hope</i> and <i>Monmouth</i> +off Coronel is less than our pride in the spirit of the heroic +Cradock, true descendant of Grenville and Nelson, prompt to +give battle against overwhelming odds. The soul of the "Navy +Eternal" draws fresh strength from his example. So, too, +does the Army from the <a name="death_of_Lord_Roberts"></a>death of Lord Roberts, the "happy +warrior," who passed away while visiting the Western front. +The best homage we can pay him is not grief or</p> + +<blockquote> Vain regret for counsel given in vain,<br> +But service of our lives to keep her free<br> + The land he served: a pledge above his grave<br> +To give her even such a gift as he,<br> + The soul of loyalty, gave.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="reluctant_tribute"></a>Even the Germans have paid reluctant tribute to one who, +as Bonar Law said in the House, "was in real life all, and +more than all, that Colonel Newcome was in fiction." He was +the exemplar <i>in excelsis</i> of those "bantams," "little and good," +who, after being rejected for their diminutive stature, are now +joining up under the new regulations:</p> + +<blockquote>Apparently he's just as small,<br> + But since his size no more impedes him<br> +In spirit he is six foot tall--<br> + Because his country needs him.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="THE_EXCURSIONIST"></a> +<center><img src="images/028.png" alt="THE EXCURSIONIST"></center> +<h4>THE EXCURSIONIST<br> +<br> +TRIPPER WILHELM: "First Class to Paris."<br> + +CLERK: "Line blocked."<br> + +WILHELM: "Then make it Warsaw."<br> + +CLERK: "Line blocked."<br> + +WILHELM: "Well, what about Calais?"<br> + +CLERK: "Line blocked."<br> + +WILHELM: "Hang it! I <i>must</i> go <i>somewhere</i>! I promised my +people I would."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>We have begun to think in millions. The war is costing +a million a day. The Chancellor of the Exchequer has launched +a <a name="war_loan_of_230"></a>war loan of 230 millions and doubled our income tax. The +Prime Minister asks for an addition of a million men to the +Regular Army. But the country has not yet fully awakened +to the realities of war. Football clubs are concerned with the +"jostling of the ordinary patrons" by men in uniform. "Business +as usual" is interpreted as "pleasure as usual" in some +quarters. Rumour is busy with stories of mysterious prisoners +in the Tower, with tales of huge guns which are to shell us +from Calais when the Germans get there; with reports (from +neutral sources) of the speedy advent of scores of Zeppelins +and hundreds of aeroplanes over London. But though</p> + +<blockquote>Old England's dark o' nights and short<br> + Of 'buses: still she's much the sort<br> +Of place we always used to know.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="T.B.D."></a> +<center><img src="images/029.png" alt="T.B.D."></center> +<h4>T.B.D.<br> +<br> +OFFICER'S STEWARD: "Will you take your bath, +sir, before or after haction?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>It is otherwise with Belgium, with its shattered homes and wrecked +towns. The great Russian legend is still going strong, in spite of the +statements of the Under-Secretary for War, and, after all, why should +the Germans do all the story telling? By the way, a "<a name="German_Truth_Society"></a>German Truth Society" +has been founded. It is pleasant to know that it is +realised over there at last that there is a difference between Truth and +German Truth. The British Navy, we learn from the <i>Kölnische +Zeitung</i>, "is in hiding." But our fragrant contemporary need +not worry. In due course the Germans shall have the hiding.</p> + +<p>In some ways the unchanged spirit of our people is rather +disconcerting. One of Mr. Punch's young men, happening +to meet a music-hall acquaintance, asked him how he thought +the war was going, and met with the answer: "Oh, I think +the managers will have to give in." And the proposal to +change the name of Berlin Road at Lewisham has been rejected +by the residents.</p> + + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="December1914"></a>December, 1914</i>.</h2> + +<p>In less than six weeks <a name="Coronel_has_been_avenged"></a>Coronel has been avenged at the battle +of the Falkland Islands:</p> + +<a name="STURDEE"></a> +<blockquote>Hardened steel are our ships;<br> + Gallant tars are our men;<br> +We never are wordy<br> + (STURDEE, boys, STURDEE!),<br> +But quietly conquer again and again.<br> +</blockquote> + +<p>Here at least we can salute the vanquished. +<a name="Admiral_von_Spee"></a>Admiral von +Spee, who went down with his doomed squadron, was a gallant +and chivalrous antagonist, like Captain Müller, of the <i>Emden</i>. +<a name="Scarborough"></a>Germany's retort, eight days later, by bombarding Scarborough +and Whitby, reveals the normal Hun:</p> + +<blockquote>Come where you will--the seas are wide;<br> + And choose your Day--they're all alike;<br> +You'll find us ready when we ride<br> + In calm or storm and wait to strike;<br> +But--if of shame your shameless Huns<br> + Can yet retrieve some casual traces--<br> +Please fight our men and ships and guns,<br> + Not womenfolk and watering places.<br> +</blockquote> +<p>Austria's "punitive expedition" has ended in disaster for +the Austrians. They entered Belgrade on the 2nd, and were +<a name="driven_out"></a>driven out twelve days later by the Serbs. King George has +paid his first <a name="visit_to_the_front"></a>visit to the front, and made General Foch a +<a name="G.C.B"></a>G.C.B. We know that the General is a great authority on +strategy, and that his name, correctly pronounced, rhymes +with Boche, as hero with Nero. He is evidently a man likely +to be heard of again. Another hitherto unfamiliar name that +has cropped up is that of Herr <a name="Lissauer"></a>Lissauer, who, for writing a +"Hymn of Hate" against England, has been decorated by the +Kaiser. This shows true magnanimity on the part of the +Kaiser, in his capacity of King of Prussia, since the "Hymn +of Hate" turns out to be a close adaptation of a poem composed +by a Saxon patriot, in which Prussia, not England, was held +up to execration.</p> + +<p>Kitchener's great improvisation is already bearing fruit, and +the New Armies are flocking to the support of the old. <a name="Indian_troops"></a>Indian troops +are fighting gallantly in three continents. King Albert +"the unconquerable," in the narrow strip of his country that +still belongs to him, waits in unshaken faith for the coming +of the dawn. And as Christmas draws on the thoughts of +officers and men in the waterlogged trenches turn fondly homeward +to mothers, wives and sweethearts:</p> + +<blockquote>Cheer up! I'm calling far away;<br> + And wireless you can hear.<br> +Cheer up! You know you'd have me stay<br> +And keep on trying day by day;<br> + We're winning, never fear.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Christmas at least brings the children's truce, and that is something +to be thankful for, but it is not the Christmas that we +knew and long for:</p> + + + +<blockquote> +<p><a name="ON_EARTH--PEACE"></a>ON EARTH--PEACE</p> +No stir of wings sweeps softly by;<br> + No angel comes with blinding light;<br> +Beneath the wild and wintry sky<br> + No shepherds watch their flocks to-night.<br> +<br> +In the dull thunder of the wind<br> + We hear the cruel guns afar,<br> +But in the glowering heavens we find<br> + No guiding, solitary star.<br> +<br> +But lo! on this our Lord's birthday,<br> + Lit by the glory whence she came,<br> +Peace, like a warrior, stands at bay,<br> + A swift, defiant, living flame!<br> +<br> +Full-armed she stands in shining mail,<br> + Erect, serene, unfaltering still,<br> +Shod with a strength that cannot fail,<br> + Strong with a fierce o'ermastering will.<br> +<br> +Where shattered homes and ruins be<br> + She fights through dark and desperate days;<br> +Beside the watchers on the sea<br> + She guards the Channel's narrow ways.<br> +<br> +Through iron hail and shattering shell,<br> + Where the dull earth is stained with red,<br> +Fearless she fronts the gates of Hell<br> + And shields the unforgotten dead.<br> +<br> +So stands she, with her all at stake,<br> + And battles for her own dear life,<br> +That by one victory she may make<br> + For evermore an end of strife.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="THE_CHILDRENS_PEACE"></a> +<center><img src="images/032.png" alt="THE CHILDREN'S PEACE"></center> +<h4>THE CHILDREN'S PEACE<br> +<br> +PEACE: "I'm glad that they, at least, have their Christmas +unspoiled."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Yet we have our minor war gains in the temporary disappearance +of cranks and faddists, some of whom have sunk +without a ripple. And though the Press Censor's suppressions +and delays and inconsistencies provoke discontent in the House +and out of it, food for mirth turns up constantly in unexpected +quarters. The Crown Prince tells an American interviewer +that there is no War Party in Germany, nor has there ever been. +The <a name="German_General_Staff"></a>German General Staff have begun to disguise set-backs +under the convenient euphemism that the situation has +developed "according to expectation." An <a name="English_village"></a>English village +worthy, discussing the prospects of invasion, comes to the +reassuring conclusion that "there can't be no battle in these +parts, Jarge, for there bain't no field suitable, as you may say; +an' Squire, 'e won't lend 'em the use of 'is park." The troubles +of neutrality are neatly summed up in a paper in a recent +geography examination. "Holland is a low country, in fact +it is such a very low country that it is no wonder that it is +dammed all round."</p> + +<p>The <a name="trials_of_mistresses"></a>trials of mistresses on the home front are happily +described in the reply of a child to a small visitor who inquired +after her mother. "Thank you, poor mummie's a bit below +herself this morning--what with the cook and the Kaiser."</p> + +<center><img src="images/034.png" alt="POMPOUS LADY: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge.""></center> +<h4>POMPOUS LADY: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge."<br> + +TOMMY (aside): "Takes 'erself for a bloomin' Zeppelin!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>We have to thank an ingenious correspondent for drawing +up the following "credibility index" for the guidance of +perplexed newspaper readers:</p> + +<a name="credibility_index"></a> +<table align="center"> +<tbody> +<tr><td align="left">London, Paris, or Petrograd (official)</td><td align="left">100</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">" " " (semi-official)</td><td align="left">50</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Berlin (official)</td><td align="left">25</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">It is believed in military circles here that--</td><td align="left">24</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">A correspondent that has just returned from the firing-line tells me that--</td><td align="left">18</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Our correspondent at Rome announces that--</td><td align="left">11</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Berlin (unofficial)</td><td align="left">10</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">I learn from a neutral merchant that--</td><td align="left">7</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">A story is current in Venice to the effect that--</td><td align="left">5</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">It is rumoured that--</td><td align="left">4</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">I have heard to-day from a reliable source that--</td><td align="left">3</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">I learn on unassailable authority that--</td><td align="left">2</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">It is rumoured in Rotterdam that--</td><td align="left">1</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Wolff's Bureau states that--</td><td align="left">0</td></tr> +</tbody> +</table> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="January1915"></a>January, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p><a name="General_von_Kluck"></a>General von Kluck "never got round on the +right." Calais is Calais still, and the Kaiser, if he still +wishes to give it a new name, may call it the "Never, +Never Land." "<a name="General_Janvier"></a>General Janvier" is doing his worst, but our +men are sticking it out through slush and slime. As for the +Christmas <a name="truce_and_fraternisation"></a>truce and fraternisation, the British officer who +ended a situation that was proving impossible by presenting a +dingy Saxon with a copy of <i>Punch</i> in exchange for a packet +of cigarettes, acted with a wise candour:</p> + +<blockquote>For there he found, our dingy friend,<br> + Amid the trench's sobering slosh,<br> +What must have left him, by the end,<br> + A wiser, if a sadder, Boche,<br> +Seeing himself, with chastened mien,<br> +In that pellucid well of Truth serene.<br></blockquote> + +<p>There can be no "fraternising" with Fritz until he realises +that he has been fooled by his War Lords; and his awakening +is a long way off.<a name="very_economical"></a> Lord Kitchener has been charged with being +"very economical in his information" vouchsafed to the Lords, +but it is well to be rid of illusions. This has not been a month +of great events. General Joffre is content with this ceaseless +"nibbling." The Kaiser, nourished by the flattery of his tame +professors, encourages the <a name="war_on_non-combatants"></a>war on non-combatants.</p> + +<p><a name="Caucasus"></a>The Turks are beginning to show a gift for euphemism in +disguising their reverses in the Caucasus, which shows that +they have nothing to learn from their masters; Austria, badly +<a name="mauled_by_the_Serbians"></a> mauled by the Serbians, addresses awful +<a name="threats_to_Roumania"></a>threats to Roumania; +and the United States has issued a warning Note on neutral +trading. But the American Eagle is not the Eagle that we +are up against.</p> + +<a name="THE_FLIGHT_THAT_FAILED"></a> +<center><img src="images/036.png" alt="THE FLIGHT THAT FAILED"></center> +<h4>THE FLIGHT THAT FAILED<br> +<br> +THE EMPEROR: "What! No babes, Sirrah?"<br> + +THE MURDERER: "Alas, Sire, none."<br> + +THE EMPEROR: "Well, then, no babes, no iron crosses."<br> + +(<i>Exit murderer, discouraged</i>.) +</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="ThenumberofMrPunchscorrespondents"></a>The number of Mr. Punch's correspondents on active service +steadily grows. Some of them are at the Western front; others +are still straining at the leash at home; another of the <i>Punch</i> +brigade, with the very first battalion of Territorials to land in +India, has begun to send his impressions of the shiny land; +of friendly natives and unfriendly ants; of the disappointment +of being relegated to clerical duties instead of going to the +front; of the evaporation of visions of military glory in the +routine of typing, telephoning and telegraphing; of leisurely +Oriental methods. Being a soldier clerk in India is very +different from being a civilian clerk in England. Patience, +good Territorials in India, your time will come.</p> + +<a name="THESHIRKERSWARNEWS"></a> +<center><img src="images/037.png" alt="THE SHIRKERS' WAR NEWS"></center> +<h4>THE SHIRKERS' WAR NEWS<br> +<br> +"There! What did I tell you? Northdown Lambs beaten--two to nothing."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="At_home"></a>At home, though the "knut" has been commandeered and +nobly transmogrified, though women are increasingly occupied +in war work and entering with devotion and self-sacrifice on +their new duties as substitutes for men, we have not yet been +wholly purged of levity and selfishness. Football news has +not receded into its true perspective; shirkers are more +pre-occupied with the defeat or victory of "Lambs" or "Wolves" +in Lancashire than with the stubborn defence, the infinite discomfort +and the heavy losses of their brothers in Flanders.</p> + +<p><a name="futile_queries"></a>Overdressed fashionables pester wounded officers and men +with their unreasonable visits and futile queries. The enemies +in our midst are not all aliens; there are not a few natives we +should like to see interned.</p> + +<p>The Kaiser has had his <a name="first_War_birthday"></a>first War birthday and, as the +Prussian Government has ordered that there shall be no public +celebrations, this confirms the rumours that he now wishes he +had never been born.</p> + +<a name="food_question"></a> +<p>Germany, says the <i>Cologne Gazette</i> in an article on the +food question, "has still at hand a very large supply of pigs"--even +after the enormous number she has exported to Belgium. +Germany, however, does not only export pigs; her trade in +"canards" with neutrals grows and grows, chiefly with the +United States, thanks to the <a name="untiring_mendacity_of_Bernstorff"></a>untiring mendacity of Bernstorff +and Wolff. <a name="English_governesses"></a>Compared with these efforts, the revelations of +English governesses at German courts, which are now finding +their way into print, make but a poor show.</p> + +<p>As the British armies increase, the moustache of the British +officer, one of the most astonishing products of these +astonishing times, grows "small by degrees and beautifully +less." Waxed ends, fashionable in a previous generation, are +now only worn by policemen, taxi-drivers and labour leaders. +The Kaiser remains faithful to the Mephistophelean form. But +in proof of his desire to make the best of both worlds, nether and +celestial, he continues to commandeer "Gott" on every occasion +as his second in command. <a name="Out-Heroding_Herod"></a>Out-Heroding Herod as a murderer +of innocents, he enters into a competition of piety with his +grandfather.<a name="messages_to_his_wife"></a> For we should not forget that the first German +Emperor's messages to his wife in the Franco-Prussian War +were once summed up by Mr. Punch:</p> + +<blockquote>Ten thousand French have gone below;<br> +Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.<br> +<br></blockquote> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="February1915"></a>February, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p>January ended with a <a name="knock_for_the_Germans"></a>knock for the Germans off the +Dogger Bank, when the <i><a name="BlĂĽcher_was_sunk"></a>Blücher</i> was sunk by our Battle-Cruiser +Squadron:</p> + +<blockquote>They say the <i>Lion</i> and the <i>Tiger</i> sweep<br> +Where once the Huns shelled babies from the deep,<br> +And <i>Blücher</i>, that great cruiser--12-inch guns<br> +Roar o'er his head, but cannot break his sleep.<br> +</blockquote> + +<p><a name="Suez_Canal"></a>And now it is the turn of "Johnny Turk," who has had +<i>his</i> knock on the Suez Canal, and failed to solve the <i>Riddle of +the Sands</i> under German guidance. Having safely locked up +his High Seas Fleet in the Kiel Canal, the Kaiser has ordered +the U-boat <a name="blockade_of_England"></a>blockade of England to begin by the torpedoing of +neutral as well as enemy merchant ships.</p> + +<a name="Sir_Roger_Casement"></a> +<p>You may know a man by the company he keeps, and the +Kaiser's friends are now the Jolly Roger and +Sir Roger Casement.</p> + +<p>Valentine's Day has come and gone. Here are some lines +from a damp but undefeated lover in the trenches:</p> + +<blockquote>Though the glittering knight whose charger<br> + Bore him on his lady's quest<br> +With an infinitely larger<br> + Share of warfare's pomp was blest,<br> +Yet he offered love no higher,<br> + No more difficult to quench,<br> +Than the filthy occupier<br> + Of this unromantic trench.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="RUNNING_AMOK"></a> +<center><img src="images/040.png" alt="RUNNING AMOK"></center> +<h4>RUNNING AMOK<br> +<br> +GERMAN BULL: "I know I'm making a rotten exhibition of myself; +but I shall tell everybody I was goaded into it." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The <a name="fusion_of_classes"></a>fusion of classes in the camps of the New Armies outdoes +the mixture of "cook's son and duke's son" fifteen years ago. +The old Universities are now given up to a handful of coloured +students, Rhodes' scholars and reluctant crocks. As a set-off, +however, a Swansea clergyman and football enthusiast has held +a "thanksgiving service for their good fortune against Newcastle +United."<a name="Waterloo_campaign"></a> Meanwhile, the Under-Secretary for War has stated +that the army costs more in a week than the total estimates for +the Waterloo campaign, and that <a name="our_casualties"></a>our casualties on the Western +front alone have amounted to over 100,000.<a name="German_propaganda"></a> So what with +submarine losses, ubiquitous German spies, the German propaganda +in America, and complaints of Government +inactivity, the pessimists are having a fine time. Tommy +grouses of course, but then he complains far more of the loss +of a packet of cigarettes or a tin of peppermints or a mouth-organ +than of the loss of a limb.</p> + +<p>Germany's attitude towards the United States tempers the +blandishments of the serenader with the occasional discharge +of half-bricks. There is no such inconsistency in the expression +of her feelings about England. Articles entitled "<i>Unser Hass +gegen England</i> " constantly appear in the German Press, and +people are beginning to wonder whether the <i>Hass</i> is not the +Kaiser. Apropos of newspapers, we are beginning to harbour +a certain envy of the Americans. Even their provincial organs +often contain important and cheering news of the doings of +the British Army many days before the Censor releases the +information in England. <a name="Daylight_saving"></a>Daylight saving is again being talked +of, and it would surely be an enormous boon to rush the +measure through now so that the Germans may have less +darkness of which to take advantage. And there is a general +and reasonable feeling that more use should be made of bands +for recruiting. The ways of German musicians are perplexing. +Here is the amiable Herr Humperdinck, composer of "Hänsel +and Gretel," the very embodiment of the old German kindliness, +signing the <a name="Manifesto_of_patriotic_artists_and_professors"></a>Manifesto of patriotic artists and professors who +execrate England, while Strauss, the truculent "Mad Mullah" +of the Art, holds aloof. Dr. <a name="Hans_Richter"></a>Hans Richter, who enjoyed +English hospitality so long, now clamours for our extinction; +it is even said that he has asked to be allowed to conduct a +<i>Parsifal</i> airship to this country.</p> + +<a name="STUDY_OF_A_PRUSSIAN_HOUSEHOLD_HAVING_ITS_MORNING_HATE"></a> +<center><img src="images/042.png" alt="STUDY OF A PRUSSIAN HOUSEHOLD HAVING ITS MORNING HATE"></center> +<h4>STUDY OF A PRUSSIAN HOUSEHOLD HAVING ITS MORNING HATE</h4> +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="March1915"></a>March, 1915.</i></h2> + +<p>A new and possibly momentous chapter has opened in +the history of the War by the attempt to force the +Dardanelles. At the end of February the Allied Fleet +bombarded the forts at the entrance, and landed a party of +bluejackets. Since then these naval operations have been +resumed, and our new crack battleship <i><a name="Queen_Elizabeth"></a>Queen Elizabeth</i> has +joined in the attack.<a name="Narrows"></a> We have not got through the Narrows, +and some sceptical critics are asking what we should do if we +got through to Constantinople, without a land force.<a name="Dardanelson"></a> It is a +great scheme, if it comes off; and the "only begetter" of it, +if report is true, is Mr. Winston Churchill, the strategist of the +Antwerp expedition, who now aspires to be the Dardanelson +of our age. Anyhow, the Sultan, lured on by the Imperial +William o' the Wisp, is already capable of envying even his +predecessor:</p> + +<blockquote>Abdul! I would that I had shared your plight,<br> + Or Europe seen my heels,<br> +Before the hour when Allah bound me tight<br> + To WILLIAM'S chariot-wheels!<br></blockquote> + +<p>Germany, always generous with other people's property, +has begun to <a name="hint_to_Italy"></a>hint to Italy possibilities of compensation in the +shape of certain portions of Austro-Hungarian territory. She +has also declared that she is "fighting for the independence of +the small nations," including, of course, Belgium. In further +evidence of her humanity she has taken to <a name="spraying_our_soldiers"></a>spraying our soldiers +in the West with flaming petrol and squirting boiling pitch over +our Russian allies. It is positively a desecration of the word +devil to apply it to the Germans whether on land, on or under +water, or in the air.</p> + +<p>We have begun to "push" on the Western front, and +<a name="Neuve_Chapelle_captured"></a>Neuve Chapelle has been captured, after a fierce battle and at terrible +cost. Air raids are becoming common in <a name="East_Anglia"></a>East Anglia and +U-boats unpleasantly active in the North Sea. <a name="mine-sweepers"></a>Let us take +off our hats to the mine-sweepers and trawlers, the new and +splendid auxiliaries of the Royal Navy. <a name="Grimsby"></a>Grimsby is indeed a +"name to resound for ages" for what its fishermen have done +and are doing in the war against mine and submarine:</p> + +<blockquote>Soles in the Silver Pit--an' there we'll let 'em lie;<br> +Cod on the Dogger--oh, we'll fetch 'em by an' by;<br> +War on the water--an' it's time to serve an' die,<br> + For there's wild work doin' on the North Sea ground.<br> +An' it's "Wake up, Johnnie!" they want you at the trawlin'<br> +(With your long sea-boots and your tarry old tarpaulin);<br> +All across the bitter seas duty comes a-callin'<br> + In the Winter's weather off the North Sea ground.<br> +It's well we've learned to laugh at fear--the sea has taught us how;<br> +It's well we've shaken hands with death--we'll not be strangers now,<br> +With death in every climbin' wave before the trawler's bow,<br> + An' the black spawn swimmin' on the North Sea ground.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="WilliamotheWisp"></a> +<center><img src="images/044.png" alt="WILLIAM O' THE WISP"></center> +<h4>WILLIAM O' THE WISP</h4> +<br><br> +<p>These brave men and their heroic brothers in the trenches +are true sportsmen as well as patriots, not those who interpret +the need of lightheartedness by the cult of "sport as usual" on +the football field and the racecourse. And the example of the +Universities shines with the same splendour.<a name="O.T.C."></a> Of the scanty +remnant that remain at Oxford and Cambridge all the physically +fit have joined the O.T.C. <a name="Boat-race_day"></a>Boat-race day has passed, but the +crews are gone to "keep it long" and "pull it through" +elsewhere:</p> + +<blockquote>Not here their hour of great emprise;<br> + No mounting cheer towards Mortlake roars;<br> +Lulled to full tide the river lies<br> + Unfretted by the fighting oars;<br> +The long high toil of strenuous play<br> + Serves England elsewhere well to-day.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="StJamessPark"></a>London changes daily. The sight of the female Jehu +is becoming familiar; the lake in St. James's Park has been +drained and the water-fowl driven to form a concentration camp +by the sorry pool that remains beside the Whitehall Gate.</p> + +<p><a name="Spy-hunting"></a>Spy-hunting is prevalent in East Anglia, but the amateurs +have not achieved any convincing results. Spring poets are +suffering from suspended animation; there is a slump in +crocuses, snowdrops, daffodils and lambkins. Their "musings +always turn away to men who're arming for the fray." The +clarion and the fife have ousted the pastoral ode. And our +military and naval experts, harassed by the Censor, take refuge +in psychology.</p> + +<p>The <i><a name="KölnischeZeitung"></a>Kölnische Zeitung</i> has published a whole article on +"Mr. Punch." The writer, a Herr Professor, finds our cartoons +lacking in "modest refinement." Indeed, he goes so far as to +say that the treatment of the Kaiser savours of blasphemy. +One is so apt to forget that the Kaiser is a divinity, so prone +to remember that Luther wrote, "We Germans are Germans, +and Germans we will remain--that is to say, pigs and brutish +animals." This was written in 1528: but "the example of the +Middle Ages" is held up to-day by German leaders as the true +fount of inspiration.</p> + +<a name="THE_WAR_SPIRIT_AT_THE_BRITISH_MUSEUM"></a> +<center><img src="images/046.png" alt="THE WAR SPIRIT AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM"></center> +<h4>THE WAR SPIRIT AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM<br> +<br> +ARDENT EGYPTOLOGIST (who has lately joined the Civic Guard): "No, I +seem to have lost my enthusiasm for this group since I noticed Bes-Hathor-Horus +was out of step with the other two."</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><a name="April1915"></a><i>April, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p>A hundred years ago <a name="Bismarck"></a>Bismarck was born on April 1, +the man who built with blood and iron, but now only +the blood remains. Yet one may doubt whether even +that strong and ruthless pilot would have commended the +submarine crew who sank the <a name="liner_Falaba"></a>liner <i>Falaba</i> and laughed at the +cries and struggles of drowning men and women. Sooner or +later these crews are doomed to die the death of rats:</p> + +<blockquote>But you, who sent them out to do this shame;<br> + From whom they take their orders and their pay;<br> +For you--avenging wrath defers its claim,<br> + And Justice bides her day.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The tide of "<a name="frightfulness"></a>frightfulness" rolls strong on land as on sea. +The <a name="second_battle_of_Ypres"></a>second battle of Ypres has begun and the enemy has +resorted to the use of a new weapon--poison gas. He had +already <a name="poisoned_wells"></a>poisoned wells in South West Africa, but this is an +uglier outcome of the harnessing of science to the Powers of +Darkness. Italy grows restive in spite of the blandishments +of Prince Bülow, and as the month closes we hear of the landing +of the <a name="Allies_in_Gallipoli"></a>Allies in Gallipoli, just two months after the unsupported +naval attempt to force the Dardanelles. British and Australian +and New Zealand troops have achieved the impossible by +incredible valour in face of murderous fire, and a foothold has +been won at tremendous cost of heroic lives. Letters from the +Western front continue cheerful, but it does not need much +reading between the lines to realise the odds with which our +officers and men have to contend, the endless discomfort and +unending din. They are masters of a gallant art of metaphor +which belittles the most appalling horrors of trench warfare; +masters, too, of the art of extracting humorous relief from the +most trivial incidents.</p> + +<p>On the home front we have to contend with a dangerous +ally of the <a name="enemy_in_Drink"></a>enemy in Drink, and with the self-advertising +politicians who do their bit by asking unnecessary questions. +Sometimes, but rarely, they succeed in eliciting valuable information, +as in Mr. Lloyd George's statement on the situation +at the front. We have now six times as many men in the field +as formed the original Expeditionary Force, and in the few +days fighting round <a name="Neuve_Chapelle"></a>Neuve Chapelle almost as much ammunition +was expended by our guns as in the whole of the two and +three-quarter years of the Boer War.</p> + +<a name="THE_HAUNTED_SHIP"></a> +<center><img src="images/048.png" alt="THE HAUNTED SHIP"></center> +<h4>THE HAUNTED SHIP<br> +<br> +GHOST OF THE OLD PILOT: "I wonder if he would drop me <i>now!</i>"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The Kaiser has been presented with <a name="another_grandson"></a>another grandson, but +it has not been broken to the poor little fellow who he is. It is +also reported that the Kaiser has bestowed an Iron Cross on +a learned pig--one of a very numerous class.</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="May1915"></a>May, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p>We often think that we must have got to the end of German +"frightfulness," only to have our illusions promptly shattered +by some fresh and amazing explosion of calculated ferocity. Last month +it was poison gas; now it is the <a name="sinking_of_the_Lusitania"></a> +sinking of the <i>Lusitania</i>. Yet Mr. +Punch had read the omens some seven and a half years ago, when the +records established by that liner had created a jealousy in Germany +which the Kaiser and his agents have now appeased, but at what a cost! +The House of Commons is an odd place, unique in its <a name="characteristics"></a>characteristics. +Looking round the benches when it reassembled on May 10th, and noting +the tone and purport of the inquiries addressed to the First Lord, one +might well suppose that nothing remarkable had happened since Parliament +adjourned. The questions were numerous but all practical, and as +unemotional as if they referred to outrages by a newly-discovered race +of fiends in human shape peopling Mars or Saturn. The First Lord, +equally undemonstrative, announced that the Board of Trade have ordered +an inquiry into the circumstances attending the disaster. Pending the +result, it would be premature to discuss the matter. Here we have the +sublimation of officialism and national phlegm. Of the 1,200 victims who +went down in this unarmed passenger ship about 200 were Americans. What +will America say or do?</p> + +<a name="AN_OMEN_OF_1908"></a> +<center><img src="images/049.png" alt="AN OMEN OF 1908"></center> +<h4>AN OMEN OF 1908<br> +<br> +Reproduced from "Christmas Cards +for Celebrities," in <i>Mr. Punch's +Almanack</i> of that year</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="HAMLET_U.S.A."></a> +<center><img src="images/050.png" alt="HAMLET U.S.A."></center> +<h4>HAMLET U.S.A.<br> +<br> +SCENE: The Ramparts of the White House.<br> + +PRESIDENT WILSON: "The time is out of joint, O cursed spite,<br> + That ever I was born to set it right!"<br> + +VOICE OF ROOSEVELT (<i>off</i>): "That's so!"</h4> +<br><br> +<blockquote>In silence you have looked on felon blows,<br> + On butcher's work of which the waste lands reek!<br> +Now in God's name, from Whom your greatness flows,<br> + Sister, will you not speak?<br></blockquote> + +<p>Many unofficial voices have been raised in horror, indignation, +and even in loud calls for intervention. The leaven works, +but <a name="President_Wilson_lusitania"></a>President Wilson, though not unmoved, gives little sign +of abandoning his philosophic neutrality.</p> + +<p>In Europe it is otherwise. <a name="Italy_has_declared_war_on_Austria"></a>Italy has declared war on Austria; +her people have driven the Government to take the +path of freedom and honour and break the shackles of +Germanism in finance, commerce and politics.</p> + +<p>Italy has not declared war on Germany yet, but the fury of +the German Press is unbounded, and for the moment Germany's +overworked Professors of Hate have focused their energies on +the new enemy, and its army of "vagabonds, convicts, ruffians +and mandolin-players," conveniently forgetting that the spirit +of <a name="Garibaldi"></a>Garibaldi is still an animating force, and that the King +inherits the determination of his grandfather and namesake.</p> + +<p>On the Western front the enemy has been <a name="repulsed_at_Ypres"></a>repulsed at Ypres. +<a name="Lord_Kitchener_has_asked"></a>Lord Kitchener has asked for another 300,000 men, and speaks +confidently of our soon being able to make good the shortage +of ammunition.</p> + +<p>On the Eastern front the Grand Duke Nicholas has been +forced to give ground; in Gallipoli slow progress is being made +at heavy cost on land and sea. The Turk is a redoubtable +trench fighter and sniper; the difficulties of the <i>terrain</i> are +indescribable, yet our men continue the epic struggle with +unabated heroism. King Constantine of Greece, improved in +health, construes his neutrality in terms of ever increasing +benevolence to his brother-in-law the Kaiser.</p> + +<a name="THE_REWARD_OF_KULTUR"></a> +<center><img src="images/052.png" alt="THE REWARD OF KULTUR"></center> +<h4>THE REWARD OF KULTUR</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="formation_of_a_Coalition_Government"></a> +<p>At home the great event has been the formation of a +Coalition Government--a two-handed sword, as we hope, to +smite the enemy; while practical people regard it rather as a +"Coal and Ammunition Government." The cost of the War +is now Two Millions a day, and a new campaign of +<a name="Posters_and_Publicity"></a>Posters and Publicity has been inaugurated to promote recruiting. +<a name="Volunteers"></a>Volunteers, with scant official recognition, continue their +training on foot; the Hurst Park brigade continue their +activities, mainly on rubber wheels. An evening paper +announces:</p> + +<h4>VICTORY IN GALLIPOLI.<br> +<br> +LATE WIRE FROM CHESTER.</h4> + +<p>Mr. Punch is prompted to comment:</p> + +<blockquote>For these our Army does its bit,<br> + While they in turn peruse<br> +Death's honour-roll (should time permit)<br> + After the Betting News.<br></blockquote> + +<p>More agreeable is the <a name="sportsmanship_of_the_trenches"></a>sportsmanship of the trenches, where +a correspondent tells of the shooting of a hare and the recovery +of the corpse, by a reckless Tommy, from the turnip-field which +separated our trenches from those of Fritz.</p> + +<p>Amongst other signs of the times the emergence of the +<a name="Spy_Play"></a>Spy Play is to be noted, in which the alien enemy within our gates +is gloriously confounded. Yet, if a certain section of the Press +is to be believed, the dark and sinister operations of the +<a name="Hidden_Hand"></a>Hidden Hand continue unchecked.</p> + +<p>The Germans as unconscious humorists maintain their +supremacy <i>hors concours</i>.<a name="Prince_Rupprecht"></a> A correspondent of the <i>Cologne +Gazette</i> was with other journalists recently entertained to dinner +in a French villa by the Crown Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria. +"The party, while dining," we are told, "talked of the defects +of French taste, and Prince Rupprecht said that French houses +were full of horrors." True, O Prince, but the French are +determined to drive them out. <a name="panegyric"></a>Better still, in the month which +witnessed the sinking of the <i>Lusitania</i> we read this panegyric +of the Teuton in <i>Die Welt</i>: "Clad in virtue and in peerless +nobility of character, unassailed by insidious enemies either +within or without, girded about by the benign influences of +Kultur, the German, whether soldier or civilian, pursues his +destined way, fearless and serene."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="June1915"></a>June, 1915.</i></h2> + +<p>The weeks that have passed since the sinking of the +<i>Lusitania</i> have left Germany not merely impenitent but +glorying in her crime. "The destruction of the +<i>Lusitania</i>," says Herr Baumgarten, Professor of Theology, +"should be greeted with jubilation and enthusiastic cheering, +and everybody who does not cheer is no real or true German." +Many harsh things have been said of the Germans, but nothing +quite so bitter as this suggestion for a test of nationality. But +while Germany jubilates, her Government is painfully anxious +to explain everything to the satisfaction of America. The +conversations between the two Powers are continuous but +abortive. President Wilson's dove has returned to him, with +the report "Nothing doing," and the American eagle looks as +if he would like to take on the job.</p> + +<p>Germany has had her first taste of real retaliation in the +<a name="bombardment_of_Karlsruhe_by_Allied_airmen"></a>bombardment of Karlsruhe by Allied airmen, and is furiously +indignant at the attack on an "unfortified and peaceful" town--which +happens to be the headquarters of the 14th German Army +Corps and to contain an important arsenal as well as large +chemical, engineering and railway works. Also she is very +angry with Mr. Punch, and has honoured him and other British +papers with a solemn warning. Our performances, it seems, +are "diligently noted, so that when the day of reckoning arrives +we shall know with whom we have to deal, and how to deal +with them effectually." It is evident that in spite of Italy's entry +into the war the mass of the Germans are still true to their old +hate of England.</p> + +<a name="ON_THE_BLACK_LIST"></a> +<center><img src="images/055.png" alt="ON THE BLACK LIST"></center> +<h4>ON THE BLACK LIST<br> +<br> +KAISER (as executioner): "I'm going to hang you."<br> + +PUNCH: " Oh, you are, are you? Well, you don't seem to +know how the scene ends. It's the hangman that gets hanged."</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="SOME_BIRD"></a> +<center><img src="images/056.png" alt="SOME BIRD"></center> +<h4>SOME BIRD<br> +<br> +THE RETURNING DOVE (to President Woodrow Noah): "Nothing doing."<br> + +THE EAGLE: "Say, Boss, what's the matter with trying me?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>But Germany does not merely talk. She has been indulging +in <a name="drastic_reprisals"></a>drastic reprisals in consequence of Mr. Winston Churchill's +memorandum on the captured submarine crews. As a result +39 imprisoned British officers, carefully selected, have been +subjected to solitary confinement under distressing conditions +in return for Mr. Churchill's having hinted at possible +severities which were never carried out. Moral: Do not threaten +unless you mean to act. The <a name="retirement_of_Mr._Churchill"></a>retirement of Mr. Churchill to +the seclusion of the Duchy of Lancaster and the appointment +of <a name="Mr._Balfour_to_the_First_Lordship"></a>Mr. Balfour to the First Lordship of the Admiralty afford +hope that the release of the Thirty-Nine from their special +hardship will not be unduly postponed. The Coalition Government +is shaking down. A <a name="Ministry_of_Munitions"></a>Ministry of Munitions has been +created, with Mr. Lloyd George in charge; and members of +the Cabinet have decided to <a name="pool_their_salaries"></a>pool their salaries with a view to +their being divided equally. <a name="Mr._McKenna"></a>Mr. McKenna has made his first +appearance as Chancellor of the Exchequer and introduced a +Bill authorising the raising of a War Loan unlimited in extent, +but, being a man of moderate views, will be satisfied if nine +hundred millions are forthcoming. <a name="Lord_Haldane_succeeded"></a>Lord Haldane has been +succeeded in the Lord Chancellorship by <a name="Lord_Buckmaster"></a>Lord Buckmaster, +having caused by one unfortunate phrase a complete oblivion +of all the services rendered by his creation of the Territorial +system. The cry for "more men" has now changed to one +for "more shells," and certain newspapers, always in search +of a scapegoat, have entered on a campaign directed against +Lord Kitchener, the very man whom a few short months ago +they hailed as the saviour of the situation. Finding that the +public cannot live on their hot air, they are doing their best +to make our flesh creep and keep our feet cold. Let us hope +that K. of K. will find the Garter some slight protection +against this hitting below the belt.</p> + +<p>The<a name="Russian_retreat"></a> Russian retreat continues, but there is no <i>débâcle.</i> +<a name="Venizelos"></a>Greece shows signs of returning sanity in the restoration to +power of her one strong man, M. Venizelos. If there were a +few more like him then (to adapt Porson) "the Germanised +Greek would be sadly to seek." As it is, he flourishes +exceedingly, under the patronage of a Prussianised Court.</p> + +<p>In <a name="Gallipoli_the_deadly_struggle"></a>Gallipoli the deadly struggle goes on; our foothold has +been strengthened by bitter fighting and our lines pushed +forward for three miles by a few hundred yards--a big advance +in modern trench warfare. Blazing heat and a plague of flies +add to the discomforts of our men, but a new glory has been +added to the ever growing vocabulary of the war in "Anzac." +There is a lull on the Western front, if such a word properly +can be applied to the ceaseless activities of the war of position, +of daily <i>strafe</i> and counter-<i>strafe</i>.</p> + +<p>At home, <a name="khaki_weddings"></a>khaki weddings are becoming common form. By +an inversion of the old order the bride is now eclipsed by the +bridegroom:</p> + +<blockquote>'Tis well: the lack of fine array<br> + Best fits a sacrificial altar;<br> +Her man to-morrow joins the fray,<br> + And yet she does not falter;<br> +Simple her gown, but still we see<br> +The bride in all her bravery.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="political_truce"></a>Society is losing much of its snap through the political truce. +It is all very well to talk of the lion lying down with the lamb, +but of course it makes life a distinctly duller business both for +the lion and the lamb when each has lost his or her dearest +enemy. For the rest, there is a brisk trade in anti-gas respirators, +"lonely soldiers" are becoming victimised by fair correspondents, +and a new day has been added to the week--<a name="flag_day"></a>flag day.</p> + +<p><a name="Proverb_for_the_month"></a>Proverb for the month, suggested by the activities of the +Imperial infanticide: "The hand that wrecks the cradle rules +the world."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="July1915"></a>July, 1915</i>.<br></h2> + +<p>The last month of the first year of the war brings no +promise of a speedy end; it is not a month of great battles +on land or sea, but rather of omens and foreshadowings, +good and evil. To the omens of victory belongs the sinking of +the <i><a name="Pommern"></a>Pommern</i>, named after the great maritime province, so long +coveted by the Brandenburgers, the makers of Prussia and the +true begetters of Prussianism. Of good omen, too, has been +the <a name="clean_sweep_made_by_General_Botha"></a>"clean sweep" made by General Botha in German South-West +Africa, where the enemy surrendered unconditionally on +July 9. And though the menace of the U-boat grows daily, +there <i>may</i> be limits to America's seemingly inexhaustible forbearance. +There are happily none to the fortitude of our bluejackets +and trawlers.</p> + +<p><a name="invasion_by_sea"></a>Pundits in the Press, fortified by warnings from generals in +various Home Commands, display an increasing preoccupation +with the likelihood of invasion by sea. Mr. Punch naturally +inclines to a sceptical attitude, swayed by long adherence to +the views of the Blue Water School and the incredulousness of +correspondents engaged in guarding likely spots on the East +Coast. With<a name="runaway_raids"></a> runaway raids by sea we are already acquainted, +and their growing frequency from the air is responsible for +various suggested precautions, official and otherwise--pails of +sand and masks and anti-asphyxiation mixtures--which are not +viewed with much sympathy in the trenches. <i>There</i> the men +meet the most disconcerting situations--as, for example, the +problem of spending a night in a flooded meadow occupied by +a thunderstorm--with irrelevant songs or fantasias on the +mouth-organ.</p> + +<center><img src="images/059.png" alt="TRAWLER SKIPPER"></center> +<h4>FIRST TRAWLER SKIPPER (to friend who is due to sail by next tide): "Are +ye takin' any precautions against these submarines, Jock?"<br> + +SECOND SKIPPER: "Ay! Although I've been in the habit o' carryin' my bits +of bawbees wi' me, I went an' bankit them this mornin', an' I'm no taking ma +best oilskins or ma new seaboots."<br> + +FIRST SKIPPER; " Oh, <i>you're</i> a'richt then. Ye'll hae practically nothin' tae +lose but yer life."</h4> +<br><br> +<blockquote>Oh, there ain't no band to cheer us up, there ain't no Highland pipers<br> +To keep our warlike ardure warm round New Chapelle and Wipers,<br> +So--since there's nothing like a tune to glad the 'eart o' man,<br> +Why Billy with his mouth-organ 'e does the best 'e can.<br> +<br> +Wet, 'ungry, thirsty, 'ot or cold, whatever may betide 'im,<br> +'E'll play upon the 'ob of 'ell while the breath is left inside 'im;<br> +And when we march up Potsdam Street, and goose-step through Berlin,<br> +Why Billy with 'is mouth-organ 'e'll play the Army in!<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_OLD_MAN_OF_THE_SEA"></a> +<center><img src="images/060.png" alt="THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA"></center> +<h4>THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA<br> +<br> +SINBAD THE KAISER: "This submarine business is going to get +me into trouble with America; but what can an All-Powerful do +with a thing like this on his back?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>When officers come home on leave and find England standing +where she did, their views support the weather-beaten major +who said that it was "worth going to a little trouble and +expense to keep <i>that</i> intact." But you can hardly expect people +who live in trenches which have had to be rebuilt twice daily for +the last few months and are shelled at all hours of the day or +night, to compassionate the occasional trials of the home-keeping +bomb-dodger. The war, as it goes on, seems to bring +out the best and the worst that is in us. <a name="South_Wales"></a>South Wales responded +loyally to the call for recruits, yet 200,000 miners are affected +by the strike fever.</p> + +<p>The House, where party strife for a brief space was hushed +by mutual consent, is now devastated by the energies of indiscreet, +importunate, egotistic or frankly disloyal question-mongers. +We want a censorship of Parliamentary Reports. +The <a name="Press_Bureau"></a>Press Bureau withholds records of shining courage at the +front lest they should enlighten the enemy, but gives full +publicity to those</p> + +<blockquote>Who give us words in lieu of deeds,<br> +Content to blather while their country bleeds.<br></blockquote> + +<p>There is, however, some excuse for those importunates who +wish to know on what authority the Premier declared at Newcastle +that neither our Allies nor ourselves have been hampered +by an insufficient supply of munitions. In two months' fighting +in <a name="Gallipoli_our_casualties"></a>Gallipoli our casualties have largely exceeded those sustained +by us during the whole of the Boer War. And financial purists +may be pardoned for their protests against extravagant expenditure +in view of the announcement that the war is now costing +well over three millions daily. The idea of <a name="National_Registration"></a>National Registration +has taken shape in a Bill, which has passed its second +reading. The notion of finding out what everyone can do to +help his country in her hour of need is excellent. But the +Government do not seem to have realised that half a million +volunteer soldiers have been waiting and ready for a job for +the last six months:</p> + +<blockquote>And when at last you come and say<br> + "What can you do? We ask for light<br> +On any service you can pay,"<br> + The answer is: " <i>You</i> know all right,<br> +And all this weary while you knew it;<br> +The trouble was you wouldn't let us do it."<br></blockquote> + +<p>The <a name="German_Press"></a>German Press is not exactly the place where one expects +to find occasion for merriment. Yet listen to this from the +<i>Neueste Nachrichten</i>: "Our foes ask themselves continuously, +How can we best get at Germany's vital parts? What are her +most vulnerable points? The answer is, her humanity--her +trustful honesty." Here, on the other hand, thousands of +people, by knocking months and years off their real age, have +been telling good straightforward lies for their country. At the +<a name="Front_euphemism"></a>Front euphemism in describing hardship is mingled with +circumlocution in official terminology. Thus one C.O. is reported +to refer to the enemy not as Germans but "militant +bodies of composite Teutonic origin."</p> + +<p>A new and effectual cure for the conversion of <a name="pessimists"></a>pessimists +at home has been discovered. It is simply to out-do the +prophets of ill at their own game. The result is that they seek +you out to tell you that an enemy submarine has been sunk +off the Scillies or that the Crown Prince is in the Tower. It +is the old story that optimists are those who have been +associating with pessimists and <i>vice versâ</i>. But seriousness is +spreading. We are told that even actresses are now being +photographed with their mouths shut, though one would have +thought that at such a time all British subjects--especially the +"Odolisques" of the variety stage--ought to show their teeth.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><a name="August1915"></a><i>August, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p>Ordinary anniversaries lead to retrospect: after a year +of the greatest of all wars it is natural to indulge in a +stock-taking of the national spirit, and comforting to +find that, in spite of disillusions and disappointments, the +alternation of exultations and agonies, the soul of the fighting +men of England remains unshaken and unconquerable. Three +of the Great Powers of Europe espoused the cause of Liberty +a year ago; now there are four, and the aid of Italy in engaging +and detaching large Austrian forces enables us to contemplate +with greater equanimity a month of continuous Russian withdrawal,<a name="Brest-Litovsk"></a> +and the tragic loss of Warsaw and the great fortresses +of Novo-Georgievsk and Brest-Litovsk. And if there is no +outward sign of the awakening of Germany, no slackening in +frightfulness, no abatement in the blasphemous and overweening +confidence of her Ruler and his War-lords who can tell +whether they have not moments of self-distrust?</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="THE_WAYSIDE_CALVARY"></a>THE WAYSIDE CALVARY.</p> + +<p>August 4th, 1915.</p> + +Now with the full year Memory holds her tryst,<br> + Heavy with such a tale of bitter loss<br> +As never Earth has suffered since the Christ<br> + Hung for us on the Cross.<br> +<br> +If God, O Kaiser, makes the vision plain;<br> + Gives you on some lone Calvary to see<br> +The Man of Sorrows Who endured the pain<br> + And died to set us free--<br> +<br> +How will you face beneath its crown of thorn<br> + That figure stark against the smoking skies,<br> +The arms outstretched, the sacred head forlorn,<br> + And those reproachful eyes?<br> +<br> +How dare confront the false quest with the true,<br> + Or think what gulfs between the ideals lie<br> +Of Him Who died that men may live--and you<br> + Who live that man may die?<br> +<br> +Ah, turn your eyes away; He reads your heart;<br> + Pass on and, having done your work abhorred,<br> +Join hands with JUDAS in his place apart,<br> + You who betrayed your Lord.<br> +</blockquote> + +<p>It is the way of modern war that we know little of what +is going on, least of all on sea. <a name="Dogger_Bank"></a>Some of our sailormen have +had their chance in the Heligoland Bight, off the Dogger Bank +and <a name="Falkland_Isles"></a>Falkland Isles, and in the Dardanelles. It is well that we +should remember what we owe to the patient vigil of their less +fortunate comrades, the officers and men of the <a name="Grand_Fleet"></a>Grand Fleet, +and to the indefatigable and ubiquitous activities of the ships +officially classified as "Light Cruisers (Old)":</p> + +<a name="AFTER_ONE_YEAR"></a> +<center><img src="images/064.png" alt="AFTER ONE YEAR"></center> +<h4>AFTER ONE YEAR</h4> +<br><br> +<blockquote>From Pole unto Pole, all the oceans between,<br> +Patrolling, protecting, unwearied, unseen,<br> +By night or by noonday, the Navy is there,<br> +And the out-of-date cruisers are doing their share,<br> +The creaky old cruisers whose day is not done,<br> +Built some time before Nineteen-hundred-and-one.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="British_submarines"></a>At any rate, we know for certain that British submarines have +made their way into the Baltic, a "sea change" extremely +disquieting to the Germans, who, for the rest, have suffered in +a naval scrap in the <a name="Gulf_of_Riga"></a>Gulf of Riga with the Russians. On the +Western front our troops are suffering from two plagues--large +shells and little flies. These troubles have not prevented +them from scoring a small though costly <a name="success_at_Hooge"></a>success at Hooge. +<a name="Anzac"></a>From Gallipoli comes the news of fresh deeds of amazing +heroism at Suvla Bay and Anzac.</p> + +<p>The <a name="war_of_Notes"></a>war of Notes goes on with unabated energy between +Germany and the U.S.A. At home a brief period has been +set to the pernicious activities of importunate inquisitors by +the adjournment of the House till mid-September. "Dr. +Punch" is of opinion that the Mother of Parliaments is sorely +in need of a rest and needs every hour of a seven weeks' +holiday. In the <a name="Thrift_campaign"></a>Thrift campaign, which has now set in, +everybody expects that everybody else should do his duty; and +the universal<a name="eruption_of_posters"></a> eruption of posters imploring us to subscribe to +the War Loan indicates the emergence of a new Art--that of +Government by advertisement. To the obvious appeals to duty, +patriotism, conscience, appeals to shame, appeals romantic and +even facetious are now added. It may be necessary, but the +method is not dignified. All that can be said is that "Govertisement," +or government by advertisement, is better than Government +by the Press, a new terror with which we are daily +threatened.</p> + +<a name="landscape_painting"></a> +<p>Mr. Winston Churchill, the greatest of our quick-change +political artists, is said to be devoting his leisure to landscape +painting. The particular school that he favours is not publicly +stated, but we have reason to believe that he intends to be a +Leader.</p> + +<p><a name="The_Archbishop_of_Cologne"></a>The Archbishop of Cologne says that, on being congratulated +on his Eastern successes, the Kaiser "turned his eyes to +heaven with the most indescribable expression of intense +gratitude and religious fervour." Yes, we can quite imagine +that it beggared description. But there is no difficulty in +finding the right phrase for his address to the inhabitants of +Warsaw: "We wage war only against hostile troops, not +against peaceful citizens." It is not "<i>splendide mendax</i>." That +is the due of boys who overstate, and men who understate, their +age in order to serve their country in the field.</p> + +<center><img src="images/066.png" alt="OFFICER (to boy of thirteen"></center> +<h4>OFFICER (to boy of thirteen who, in his effort to get taken on as a bugler, +has given his age as sixteen): "Do you know where boys go who tell lies?"<br> + +APPLICANT: "To the Front, sir."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="A_correspondent_reminds"></a>A correspondent reminds Mr. Punch that four years ago +he wrote as follows: "Lord Haldane, in defending the +Territorials, declared that he expects to be dead before any +political party seriously suggests compulsory military service. +We understand that, since making this statement, our War +Minister has received a number of telegrams from Germany +wishing him long life." But we suspect that when he said +dead he meant politically dead. Still, we owe <a name="Lord_Haldane"></a>Lord Haldane +the Territorials, and they are doing great work in Europe and +most valuable, if thankless, work in India. As "One of the +<i>Punch</i> brigade" writes: "The hearts of very few of the +Territorials now garrisoning India are in their work, though, +of course, we know that actually it is essential duty we are +performing." "They also serve," who patiently endure the +dull routine of existence largely spent in a stifling fort on the +blistering and dust-swept plains, and find relief in the smallest +incident that breaks the monotony. As, for example, when a +quartermaster-sergeant was held up by a native guard at a +bridge, and, on demanding an explanation, had his attention +directed to the notices on the wall, "Elephants and traction +engines are not allowed to cross this bridge."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="September1915"></a><i>September, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p><a name="Generalissimo"></a>The Tsar has succeeded the Grand Nicholas as Generalissimo +of his armies, and the great Russian retreat has +ended. Yet it would be rash to say that the one event +has caused the other. Lord Kitchener's statement that on the +Eastern front the Germans had "almost shot their last bolt" +is a better summary, and when we reflect on their enormous +superiority in artillery and equipment, that is a great tribute +to the strategy of the Grand Duke in conducting the most +difficult retreat of modern times. Germany, though a mistress +of the entire alphabet of frightfulness, is making increasing +play with the <i>U</i>'s and <i>Z</i>'s, and Admiral Percy Scott, who +predicted the dangers of the former, is now entrusted with the +task of coping with the latter menace.</p> + +<p>Five months have elapsed since the sinking of the <i>Lusitania</i> +and the pro-German campaign in the United States is more +active than ever, thanks to the untiring <a name="efforts_of_Count_Bernstorff"></a>efforts of Count Bernstorff +and his worthy ally, <a name="Dr._Dumba"></a>Dr. Dumba, in promoting strikes and +<i>sabotage</i>;<a name="Le_Grand_Penseur"></a> but President Wilson, "Le Grand Penseur," declines +to be rushed by the interventionists, and is giving his detached +consideration to the "concessions" of the German Government +in regard to submarine warfare. But three thousand miles of +ocean no longer keep America free from strife. The enemy +is within her gates, plotting, spying and bribing. The lesser +neutrals in Europe find it harder to dissemble their sympathies, +but Ferdinand of Bulgaria maintains a vulpine <a name="inscrutability"></a>inscrutability.</p> + +<a name="THE_UNSINKABLE_TIRP"></a> +<center><img src="images/068.png" alt="THE UNSINKABLE TIRP"></center> +<h4>THE UNSINKABLE TIRP<br> +<br> +GERMAN CHANCELLOR: "Well, thank Heaven, that's the last of +Tirpitz."<br> + +TIRPITZ (reappearing): "I don't think!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>By way of a sidelight on what happens on the Western +front, a wounded officer sends a characteristic account of his +experiences after "going over the top" at 3 A.M. "The first +remark, as distinct from a shout that I heard after leaving our +parapet, came from Private Henry, my most notorious malefactor. +As the first attempt at a wire entanglement in our new +position went heavenward ten seconds after its emplacement, +and a big tree just to our right collapsed suddenly like a dying +pig, he turned round with a grin, observing: 'Well, sir, we +<i>do</i> see a bit of life, if we <i>don't</i> make money.' I never saw a +man all day who hadn't a grin ready when you passed, and +a bit of a <i>riposte</i> if you passed the time of day with him." Our +officers only think of their men, and the men of their officers. +In Gallipoli our soldiers have discovered a new method of +annoying the Turk:</p> + +<blockquote>We go and bathe, in shameless scores<br> + Beneath his baleful een,<br> +Disrobe, unscathed, on sacred shores<br> + And wallow in between;<br> +Nor does a soldier then assume<br> +His university costume,<br> +And though it makes the Faithful fume,<br> + It makes the Faithless clean.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The <a name="return_of_the_wounded"></a>return of the wounded to England is marked by strange +incidents, pathetic and humorous. Thus it has been reserved +for an officer, reported dead in the casualty list, to ring up his +people on the telephone and correct "this silly story about my +being killed." And the cheerfulness of the limbless men in +blue is something wonderful. They "jest at scars," but not +because they "never felt a wound." It is a high privilege to +entertain these light-hearted heroes, one of whom recently +presented his partner in a lawn tennis match with a fragment +of shell taken direct from his "stummick." And the recipient +rightly treasures it as a love-token.</p> + +<p>Parliament has reassembled, the inquisitors returning (unhappily) +like giants refreshed after their holiday. But they +sometimes contribute to our amusement, as when one relentless +and complacent critic declared that, on the matter of conscription, +he should himself "prefer to be guided--very largely--by +Lord Kitchener." The concession is something. Most of the +importunate questionists are on the other side:</p> + +<blockquote>"Take from us any joys you like," they cry;<br> + "We'd bear the loss, however much we missed 'em;<br> +Let truth and justice, fame and honour die,<br> + But spare, O spare, our Voluntary System!"<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="girl_gardeners"></a>Amongst other signs of the times the increase of girl gardeners and +the <a name="sacrifice_of_flower_beds"></a>sacrifice of flower beds to vegetables are to be noted. +<a name="tramcar"></a> But War +changes are sometimes disconcerting, even when they are most salutary. +For example, there is the <i>cri de coeur</i> of a passenger on a Clydebank +tramcar in Glasgow on Saturday night, with a lady conductor: "I +canna jist bottom this, Tam. It's Seterday nicht an' this is the +Clydebank caur, an' there's naebody singin' an' naebody fechtin' wi' the +conductor." Liquor control evidently does mean something.</p> + +<br> + +<a name="A_HANDY_MAN"></a> +<center><img src="images/070.png" alt="A HANDY MAN"></center> +<h4>A HANDY MAN<br> +<br> +MARINE;(somewhat late for parade: "At six +o'clock I was a bloomin' 'ousemaid: at seven +o'clock I was a bloomin' valet; at eight o'clock +I was a bloomin' waiter; an' <i>now</i> I'm a bloomin' +soldier!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The War <a name="vocabulary"></a>vocabulary grows and grows. "Pipsqueaks," +"crumps" and "Jack Johnsons," picturesque +equivalents for unpleasant things, have long been familiar even to +arm-chair experts. The strangely named "Archie," and +"Pacifist," the dismay of scholars--a word "mean as what +it's meant to mean"--now come to be added to the list. A new and +admirable explanation of the R.F.A., "Ready for anyfink," is +attributed to a street Arab. Our children are mostly lapped in blissful +ignorance, but their comments are often illuminating. As, for instance, +the suggestion of a small child asked to give her idea of a suitable +future for Germany and the Kaiser: "After the war I wouldn't let +Heligoland belong to anybody. I would put the Germans there, and they +should dig and dig and dig until it was all dug into the sea. The Kaiser +should be sent to America, and they should be as rude as they liked to +him. If he went in a train no one was to offer him a seat; he was to +hang on to a strap, and he is to be called Mr. Smith." Cooks are +being bribed to stay by the gift of War Bonds. <a name="Smart_fashionables"></a>Smart fashionables are +flocking to munition works, and some of them sometimes are not +unnaturally growing almost frightened at the organising talents they are +developing. So are other people.</p> + +<p>A vigorous campaign against flies has been initiated by +the journal which describes itself as "that paper which gets +things done." Nothing is too small for it. Meanwhile it is +announced that "<a name="Lord_Northcliffe"></a>Lord Northcliffe is travelling and will be +beyond the reach of correspondence until the end of next week." +Even he must have an occasional rest from his daily mail.</p> + +<p>We have to apologise for any suggestion to the effect that +the Huns are devoid of humour. The German Society for the +Protection and Preservation of Monuments has held a meeting +in Brussels and expressed its thanks to the German Military +Authorities for the care they had taken of the Monuments in +Belgium. The function ended with an excursion to Louvain, +where the delegates, no doubt, enjoyed a happy hour in the +Library.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="October1915"></a>October, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<a name="offensive_in_Champagne"></a><p>September ended with the Western front once more +ablaze, with bitter fighting at Loos and a great French +offensive in Champagne. With October the focus of +interest and anxiety shifts to the Balkans.<a name="occupied_Belgrade"></a>Austrian armies, +stiffened with Germans, have again invaded Serbia and again +occupied Belgrade. The Allies have landed at Salonika, and +Ferdinand of Bulgaria has <a name="declared_war_on_Serbia"></a>declared war on Serbia. Thus a +new theatre of war has been opened, and though it is well to +be rid of a treacherous neutral, the conflict enters on a fresh +and formidable phase. When Ferdinand went to Bulgaria he +is said to have resolved that if ever there were to be any +assassinations he would be on the side of the assassins. He +has been true to his word ever since the removal of Stamboloff:</p> + +<blockquote>Here stands the Moslem with his brutal sword<br> + Still red and reeking with Armenia's slaughter;<br> +Here, fresh from Belgium's wastes, the Christian Lord,<br> + His heart unsated by the wrong he wrought her;<br> +And you between them, on your brother's track,<br> +Sworn, for a bribe, to stick him in the back.<br></blockquote> + +<p>France and England have declared their intention of rendering +all possible help to Serbia in her new ordeal, but <a name="Greece"></a>Greece, +false to her treaty with Serbia, and dominated by a pro-German +Court and Government, hampers us at every turn. +"'Tis Greece, but living Greece no more." So <a name="Byron"></a>Byron sang, +and a Byron <i>de nos jours</i> adds a new stanza to his appeal:</p> + +<blockquote>Lo, a new curse--the Teuton bane!<br> + Again rings out the trumpet call;<br> +France, England, Russia, joined again,<br> + For freedom fight, for Greece, for all;<br> +And Greece--shall she that call ignore?<br> +Then is she living Greece no more!<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="guarding_the_Kings_highway"></a>Life in the trenches grows more strenuous as the output +of high explosive increases, and the daily toll of our best and +bravest makes grievous reading for the elders at home, "who +linger here and droop beneath the heavy burden of our years," +though many of them cheerfully undertake the thankless fatigues +of guarding the King's highway as specials. But letters from +the front still show the same genius for making light of hardship +and deadly peril, the same happy gift of extracting amusement +from trivial incidents. So those who spend their days +and nights under heavy shell fire and heavy rain write to tell +you that "tea is the dominating factor of war," or that "the +mushrooming and ratting in their latest quarters" are satisfactory. +And even the wounded, in comparing the hazards +of London with those at the front, only indulge in mild irony +at the expense of the "staunch dare-devil souls who stay at +home."</p> + +<p>In Parliament <a name="Sir_Edward_Carson"></a>Sir Edward Carson has explained the reasons +of his resignation of office--his difference from his colleagues +in the difficulties arising in the Eastern theatre of war; and +a resolution has been placed on the order-book proposing the +appointment of a Committee of Inquiry on the Dardanelles +campaign. No abatement of the plague of questions is yet +noticeable, but some slight excuse may be found for the +"ragging" of the Censor. This anonymous worthy, it appears, +recently excised the words "and the Kings" from the well-known +line in<a name="Mr._Kipling"></a> Mr. Kipling's "Recessional":</p> + +<blockquote>The Captains and the Kings depart.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Apparently the Censor cannot admit any reference to the +movements of royalty.</p> + +<a name="REALISATION"></a> +<center><img src="images/074.png" alt="REALISATION"></center> +<h4>REALISATION<br> +<br> +("When I went to Bulgaria I resolved that if there were to be +any assassinations I would be on the side of the assassins." +STATEMENT BY FERDINAND.)</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="Eton_College_Volunteers"></a><p>When the Kaiser was at Windsor in 1891 he told the Eton College Volunteers +he was glad to see so many of them taking +an interest in the study of arms, and hoped that if ever they +had to draw their swords in earnest they would use them to +some purpose for their country. Now that there are three +thousand Etonians at the front he is beginning to be sorry he +spoke. <a name="sorry_for_France"></a>The Kaiser, by his own confession, is sorry in another +way. He has told a Socialist deputy, "with tears in his eyes," +that he was sincerely sorry for France, which was "the greatest +disappointment of his life." Even crocodiles sometimes speak +the truth unwittingly. Meanwhile the Hamburg <i>Fremdenblatt</i> +asserts that, "We Germans would gladly follow the Kaiser's +lead through the very gates of hell, were it necessary." The +qualification is surely superfluous, in the light of the murder +of the heroic English hospital matron, <a name="Edith_Cavell"></a>Edith Cavell, at Brussels +on October 12. Her life was one long act of mercy. She +died with unshaken fortitude after the mockery of a trial on +a charge of having assisted fugitive British and Belgian +prisoners to escape. But her great offence was that she was +English. The<a name="names_of_her_chief_assassins"></a> names of her chief assassins are General Baron +von Biasing, the Governor of Brussels, General von Sauberschweig, +the Military Governor, and the Baron von der +Lancken, the Head of the Political Department. Many years +will pass before the echoes of that volley fired at dawn in a +Brussels prison yard will die away.</p> + +<center><img src="images/075.png" alt="LANDLADY; "'Ere's the Zeppelins, sir!" +LODGER: "Right-o! Put 'em down outside.""></center> + +<h4>LANDLADY; "'Ere's the Zeppelins, sir!"<br> +LODGER: "Right-o! Put 'em down outside."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>A new phase has been reached in the Conscription controversy, +and the burning question appears to be whether the +necessary men are to be compelled to volunteer or persuaded to +be compulsorily enrolled. One of our novelist military experts, +who is not always lucky with figures, though he thoroughly +enjoys them, is alleged to have discovered that there are no +more men than can be raised by conscription, but that the same +does not, of course, apply to the voluntary system.</p> + +<p>The <i>Daily Mail</i> asks, "Have we a Foreign Office?" We +understand that a search-party is going carefully through +Carmelite House. We have certainly got a Chancellor of the +Duchy of Lancaster, so efficient in the discharge of his duties +that he has made himself an accomplished landscape painter +in three months.</p> + +<p>A visitor to a remote East Anglian village in search of +rest has found recreation in discussing with the inhabitants +the Great War, of which he found some of them had heard. +"Them there Zett'lins," said one old woman, "I almost shruk +as I heerd the mucky varmints a-shovellin' on the coals--dare, +dare! How my pore heart did beat!" And an onlooker, who +had seen a bomb drop near a church, informed the visitor +that it "fared to him like the body of the chach a-floatin' +away--that it did and all! It made a clangin' like a covey of +lorries with their innards broke loose." Another inhabitant +said that he had two boys fighting. "One on 'em is in France, +wherever that might be, and Jimmy's in that hare old Dardelles." +He couldn't rightly say when the elder had gone +out, "but it might be a yare ago come muck-spreadin'."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="November1915"></a><i>November, 1915</i>.</h2> + +<p>More money and more men is still the cry. The war +is now costing five millions a day, and the new vote +of credit for £400,000,000 will only carry us on till +the middle of February. This is "<a name="Derbys_Day"></a>Derby's Day," and the new +Director of Recruiting inspires confidence in his ability to +make good, in spite of the Jeremiads of Lord Courtney and +Lord Loreburn. The lot of a Coalition Government is never +easy, and public opinion clamours not for Jeremiahs but for +Jonahs to lighten the Ship of State. <a name="rejoined_his_regiment"></a>Mr. Winston Churchill, +wearying of his sinecure at the Duchy of Lancaster, has resigned +office, explained himself in a long speech, and rejoined +his regiment at the Western front. <a name="Lord_Fisher"></a>Lord Fisher, whose doubts +and hesitations about the Dardanelles expedition were referred +to by the late First Lord, has been content to leave his record +of sixty-one years' service in the hands of his countrymen. +In the briefest maiden speech ever delivered in either House +he stated that it was "unfitting to make personal explanations +affecting the national interest when my country is in the midst +of a great war." Here at least the traditions of the "Silent +Service" have been worthily maintained, just as they are maintained +by the Port Officer R.N.R. at an Oriental seaport, a +thousand miles from the front, out of the limelight, with no +chance of glory, with fever from morn till night, who "worries +along by the grace of God and the blessing of cheap cheroots."</p> + +<p>In Flanders the rain has begun its winter session, and, as +a military humorist put it, trench warfare is becoming a constant +drain. The problem of parapet mending has been reduced +to arithmetical form <i>à la</i> Colenso, as follows: "If two inches +of rain per diem brings down one quarter of a company's +parapet, and one company, working about twenty-six hours +per diem, can revet one-eighth of a company's parapet, how +long will your trenches last--given the additional premisses +that no revetments to speak of are to be had, and that two +inches of rain is only a minimum ration?"<a name="R.F.C."></a> The infantryman +finds the men of the R.F.C. interesting and stimulating companions. +"These airy fellows talk of war as if it were a day's +shooting, and they the cock pheasants with the best of the +fun up aloft. Upon my word, the hen who hatched such birds +should be a proud, if anxious, mother." The same correspondent +sends a pleasant account of the mutual estimates of +French and English, prompted by their experiences as brothers +in arms. "Our idea of our Ally as a soldier is that his <i>élan</i> +and gay courage are very much more remarkable even than +supposed; but for the dull, heavy work of continued warfare +there is wanted, if we may say so without offence, the more +stolid qualities of the English. On the other hand, the French +opinion of their Ally as a soldier is that his dash and devilment +are really astonishing, even to the most expectant critic; +but for the sordid, monotonous strain of this trench business it +needs (a thousand pardons!) the duller persistence of the +French."</p> + +<a name="THE_PERSUADING_OF_TINO"></a> +<center><img src="images/078.png" alt="THE PERSUADING OF TINO"></center> +<h4>THE PERSUADING OF TINO</h4> +<br><br> +<p>In Greece the quick change of Premiers proceeds with +kaleidoscopic rapidity. The attitude of the successive Prime +Ministers has been described as (1) Tender and affectionate +neutrality toward the Entente Powers; (2) Malevolent impartiality +toward the Central Powers; (3) Inert cupidity toward +all the belligerent Powers; (4) Genial inability; (5) Strict +pusillanimity.</p> + +<p><a name="Lord_Milner"></a>Lord Milner has gone so far in the House of Lords as to say that +"such war news as is published has from first to last been +seriously misleading." The <a name="Balkan_intelligence"></a>Balkan intelligence that is allowed to +reach us does not exactly deserve this censure. To call it misleading +would be too high praise; it seldom rises beyond a level of blameless +irrelevance. It is hardly a burlesque of the facts to say that a cable +from Amsterdam informs us that the Copenhagen correspondent of the <i>Echo +de Paris</i> learns from Salonika, <i>viâ</i> Lemnos and Nijni Novgorod, +that in high official circles in Bukarest it is rumoured that in +Constantinople the situation is considered grave; and then we are warned +that too much credence must not be given to this report. The number of +Censors at the Press Bureau being exactly forty, and their minute +knowledge of English literature having been displayed on several +occasions, it is said that Sir John Simon contemplates their +incorporation as an Academy of "Immortals--for the duration of the +War."</p> + +<center><img src="images/079.png" alt="PADDY (who has had his periscope smashed +by a bullet)"></center> +<h4>PADDY (who has had his periscope smashed +by a bullet): "Sure there's seven years' bad +luck for the poor devil that broke that, +anyhow."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="MrPunchsCorrespondent"></a>Mr. Punch's correspondent "Blanche" sends distressing +details of some of the new complaints contracted by smart war workers. +These include munition-wrists, shell-makers' crouch, +neuro-committee-itis, and Zeppelin-eye through looking up into the sky +too long with a telescope.</p> + +<p>A great deal depends on what you look at and what you +look through. Thus Mr. <a name="Walter_Long"></a>Walter Long says that when he reads +carping criticisms upon the conduct of the War he looks +through his window at the people in the street and is always +surprised to see the quiet steadfast manner in which they are +going about their business. It is a good plan, but not always +successful. The Kaiser got his view of the Irish people +through a Casement, and it was entirely erroneous.</p> + +<p>The <i>Cologne Gazette</i> has stated that "there is in England +no real soldiers' humour such as we have." Certainly we have +nothing like it, though we confess to preferring the home-grown +brand.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="December1915"></a>December, 1915</i><br></h2> + +<p>Kut and Ctesiphon, Ctesiphon and Kut. Thus may the +events of the last month in Mesopotamia, no longer a +"blessed word," be expressed in a bald formula, which +takes no account of the unavailing heroism of <a name="GeneralTownshends"></a>General Townshend's +small but splendid force. Things have not been going +well in the East. The Allies have been unable to save Serbia, +<a name="Monastir_has_fallen"></a>Monastir has fallen, and our lines have been withdrawn to +Salonika. The experts are now divided into two camps, the +Westerners and the Easterners, and the former, pointing to +the <a name="evacuation_of_Gallipoli"></a>evacuation of Gallipoli, are loud in their denunciations of +costly "side-shows," and the folly of strengthening Germany's +hold on Turkey by killing out the Turks, instead of concentrating +all our forces on killing the Germans on the Western +front. The time is not yet come to decide which is right. But +all are agreed with the British officer who described the +<a name="Australian_soldier_at_Gallipoli"></a>Australian soldier at Gallipoli as "the bravest thing God ever +made," and so prompted these lines:</p> + +<blockquote>Bravest, where half a world of men<br> + Are brave beyond all earth's rewards,<br> +So stoutly none shall charge again<br> + Till the last breaking of the swords;<br> +Wounded or hale, won home from war,<br> + Or yonder by the Lone Pine laid;<br> +Give him his due for evermore--<br> + "The bravest thing God ever made!"<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="kite-flying"></a>Though the wings of the angel of Peace cannot be heard, +peace kite-flying has already begun in Vienna, but Germany +is anxious to represent it as unauthorised and improper. Mr. +<a name="HenryFordsvoyagetoEurope"></a>Henry Ford's voyage to Europe on the <i>Oscar II</i> with a +strangely assorted group of Pacificists does more credit to his +heart than his head, and the conflicting elements in his party +have earned for his ship the name of "The Tug of Peace." Anyhow, +England is taking no risks on the strength of these +irregular "overtures." A vote has been passed for a further +increase of our "contemptible little Army" to four millions; +and the manufacture of high explosive goes on in an ever-increasing +ratio. <a name="Sir_Douglas_Haig_has_succeeded"></a>Sir Douglas Haig has succeeded <a name="Sir_John_French"></a>Sir John French +as Commander-in-Chief of our Armies in France; Sir +William Robertson is the new Chief of Staff--Scotsmen both +of the finest type--and the appointments are universally +approved, even by the <i>Daily Mail</i>. The temper of the men in +France is well hit off by an officer when he says that "Atkins +is really best when an ordinary mortal might be contemplating +suicide or desertion." And officers arriving on leave at Victoria +at 2 A.M. are driven to the conclusion that they are sent back +to England from time to time to check their optimism, which +at the front survives even being sent to so-called rest camps +in the middle of a malodorous marsh for nine hours' military +training <i>per diem</i>. The "<a name="philosophy_of_Thomas"></a>philosophy of Thomas" is inscrutable, +but no doubt he derives satisfaction from comparisons:</p> + +<blockquote>If we're standin' in two foot o' water, you see<br> +Quite likely the Boches are standin' in three;<br> +An' though the keen frost may be ticklin' our toes,<br> +'Oo doubts that the Boches' 'ole bodies is froze?<br> +<br> +So 'ere's our philosophy, simple an' plain:<br> +Wotever we 'ates in the bloomin' campaign,<br> +'Tis balm to our souls, as we grumble an' cuss,<br> +To feel that the Boches are 'atin' it wuss.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Hardest of all is the lot of the trooper in the trenches, who +"thinks all day and dreams all night of a slap-bang, tally-ho! +open fight," but for the time being "like a blinded mole toils +in a furrow and lives in a hole."</p> + +<a name="AN_UNAUTHORISED_FLIRTATION"></a> +<center><img src="images/082.png" alt="AN UNAUTHORISED FLIRTATION"></center> +<h4>AN UNAUTHORISED FLIRTATION<br> +<br> +THE KAISER (to Austrian Emperor): "Franz! Franz! I'm surprised +and pained."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The <a name="National_Thrift"></a>National Thrift campaign is carried on with great +earnestness in Parliament. Luxury, waste, unnecessary +banquets, high legal salaries have all come under the lash of +the economy hunters. Of the maxim that "Charity begins, at +home," they have, however, so far shown no appreciation +beyond abstaining from voting any addition to their salary of +£400 a year. Mr. Asquith's announcement that he takes his +salary, and is going to continue taking it, has naturally lifted +a great weight from the minds of these vicarious champions +of economy.</p> + +<center><img src="images/083.png" alt="TOMMY (finding a German prisoner who speaks English)"></center> +<h4>TOMMY (finding a German prisoner who speaks English): "Look what you +done to me, you blighters! 'Ere--'ave a cigarette?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Evidence of the chastened condition of the enemy is to be +found in the statement on the official notepaper of Wolff's +Telegraphic Bureau "that it assumes no responsibility of any +kind for the accuracy of the news which it circulates." But +there is no confirmation of the report that its dispatches will +in future be known as "Lamb's Tales." The German Imperial +Chancellor has replied to an appeal from a deputation of German +Roman Catholics on behalf of the Armenians that "The German +Government, in friendly communication with the Turkish +Government, has been at constant pains to better the situation +of Turkey's Christian subjects." Thanks to this friendly intervention, +more than half a million Armenians will never suffer +again from Turkish misrule.</p> +<br> + +<p><a name="Mr._Roosevelt"></a>Mr. Roosevelt has added to the picturesqueness of political +invective by describing Mr. Wilson's last Presidential message +as "worthy of a Byzantine logothete." It is not often that +one finds a rough-rider and ex-cowboy who is able to tackle +a don in his own lingo. But <a name="Tommy_at_the_front"></a>Tommy at the front manages to +converse with the <i>poilu</i> without any vocabulary at all:</p> + +<blockquote>I met a chap the other day a-roostin' in a trench,<br> +'E didn't know a word of ours nor me a word of French,<br> +An' 'ow it was we managed--well, I cannot understand,<br> +But I never used the phrase-book, though I 'ad it in my hand.<br> +<br> +I winked at 'im to start with; 'e grinned from ear to ear;<br> +An' 'e says "Tipperary," an' I says " Sooveneer";<br> +'E 'ad my only Woodbine, I 'ad 'is thin cigar,<br> +Which set the ball a-rollin', an' so--well, there you are!<br> +<br> +I showed 'im next my wife an' kids, 'e up an' showed me 'is,<br> +Them funny little Frenchy kids with 'air all in a frizz;<br> +"Annette," 'e says, "Louise," 'e says, an' 'is tears began to fall;<br> +We was comrades when we parted, but we'd 'ardly spoke at all.<br></blockquote> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="January1916"></a>January, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>The New Year brings us a mixed bag of tricks, good and +bad. Our armies grow in numbers and efficiency, in +men and munitions. The new Commander-in-Chief +on the Western front, and his new Chief of Staff, inspire +confidence in all ranks, combatant and non-combatant. +<a name="John_Ward"></a>John Ward, the Labour Member, hitherto a strong opponent +of conscription, and now a full-blown Colonel, has hurried +over from the front to defend the Compulsory Service Bill +in a manly and animated speech, and the Bill, despite the +"Pringling" and pacificism of a small but local minority, has +passed through Committee.</p> + +<p>Against these encouraging omens we have to set the +<a name="complete_evacuation_of_Gallipoli"></a>complete evacuation of Gallipoli, the scene of unparalleled heroism +and unavailing sacrifice, the <a name="fall_of_Monastir"></a>fall of Monastir, the overrunning +of Serbia, <a name="labour_troubles_on_the_Clyde"></a>labour troubles on the Clyde, and the ignominious +<a name="exemption_of_Ireland"></a>exemption of Ireland from the Military Service Bill. General +Townshend, <i>rebus angustis animosus</i>--"in a tight place but +full of beans"--is besieged in Kut, and the relieving forces +have not been able to dislodge the Turks. Climate and weather +and <i>terrain</i> are all against us.</p> + +<p><a name="piteous_lamentations"></a>Humanitarian Pacificists are much impressed by Germany's +piteous lamentations over the brutality of the blockade. In these +appeals to America optimists detect signs of cracking. Cooler +observers explain them as evidence of her policy of shamming +dead.</p> + +<p>English mothers who have lost their only sons cannot be +expected to show sympathy for an Emperor who combines the +professions of a Jekyll with the ferocity of a Hyde. Yet few +of them would rewrite the record of these short lives; their +pride is greater than their pain.</p> + +<p>While the daily toll of life is heavy, War, shorn of its +pomp and pageantry, drags wearily in the trenches. The +<a name="Lovelace"></a>Lovelace of to-day is a troglodyte, biding his time patiently, +but often a prey to <i>ennui</i>. This is how he writes to Lucasta +to correct the portrait painted by her fancy:</p> + +<blockquote>Above, the sky is very grey, the world is very damp.<br> +His light the sun denies by day, the moon by night her lamp;<br> +Across the landscape, soaked and sad, the dull guns answer back,<br> +And through the twilight's futile hush spasmodic rifles crack.<br> +<br> +The papers haven't come to-day to show how England feels;<br> +The hours go lame and languidly between our Spartan meals;<br> +We've written letters till we're tired, with not a thing to tell<br> +Except that nothing's doing, weather beastly, writer well.<br> +<br> +So when you feel for us out here--as well I know you will--<br> +Then sympathise with thousands for their country sitting still;<br> +Don't picture battle-pieces by the lurid Press adored,<br> +But miles and miles of Britishers, in burrows, badly bored.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="FOR_NEUTRALS_-_FOR_NATIVES"></a> +<center><img src="images/086.png" alt="FOR NEUTRALS - FOR NATIVES"></center> +<table width="75%" align="center" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> +<tbody> +<tr><td align="center">FOR NEUTRALS </td><td align="center">FOR NATIVES</td></tr> + +<tr><td align="left">"Why do we torpedo passenger ships?<br> +Because we are being starved by the infamous +English."</td><td align="left">"Who says we are in distress?<br> +Look what our splendid organisation is doing."</td></tr> +</tbody> +</table> +<br><br> + +<p>Small wonder that Lovelace in the trenches envies the +Flying Man:</p> + +<blockquote>He rides aloof on god-like wings,<br> + Taking no thought of wire or mud,<br> +Saps, smells, or bugs--the mundane things<br> + That sour our lives and have our blood.<br> +<br> +The roads we trudged with feet of lead,<br> + The shadows of his pinions skim;<br> +The river where we piled our dead<br> + Is but a silver thread to him.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Lovelace in the air might tell another story; but both are +at one with their prototype in the spirit which made him say: +"I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honour +more," though neither of them would say it.</p> + +<p>In this context one may add that the Flying Men are not +alone in exciting envy. Bread is the staff of life, and in the +view of certain officers in the trenches the life of the Staff is +one long loaf.</p> + +<p>The discussion on the withdrawal of Members' salaries has +died down. The incident is now buried, and here is its +epitaph:</p> + +<blockquote>Some three-score years or so ago six hundred gallant men<br> +Made a charge that cost old England dear; they lost four hundred then:<br> +To-day six hundred make a charge that costs the country dear,<br> +But now they take four hundred each--four hundred pounds a year.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Our <a name="journalists"></a>journalists have been visiting the Fleet, and one of them, in a +burst of candour tempered with caution, declares that "one would +like to describe much more than one has seen, but that is +impossible." Some other correspondents have found no such +difficulty. But for <a name="admirable_candour"></a>admirable candour +commend us to the <i>Daily Mail</i> of December 24, where we read, " The +<i>Daily Mail</i> will not be published to-morrow, and for that reason we +seize the occasion to-day of bidding our readers a Merry +Christmas"--and a very good reason too. Mr. Punch is glad to +reprint a ten-year-old girl's essay on "Patriotism": +"Patriotism is composed of patriots, and they are people who live +in Ireland and want Mr. Redmond or other people to be King of Ireland. +They are very brave, some of them, and are so called after St. Patrick, +who is Ireland's private saint. The patriots who are brave make splendid +soldiers. The patriots who are not brave go to America." And here +is a topical extract from a letter written to a loved one from the +Front:</p> + +<p>"I received your dear little note in a sandbag. You say +that you hope the sandbag stops a bullet. Well, to tell the +truth, I hope it don't, as I have been patching my trousers +with it."</p> + +<center><img src="images/088.png" alt="TOMMY (dictating letter to be sent to his wife)"></center> +<h4>TOMMY (dictating letter to be sent to his wife): +"The nurses here are a very plain lot--"<br> + +NURSE: "Oh, come! I say! That's not very +polite to us."<br> + +TOMMY: "Never mind. Nurse, put it down. It'll +please her!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Tommy is adding to his other great qualities that of +diplomacy, to judge from the incident illustrated above.</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="February1916"></a>February, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>The Epic of the Dardanelles is closed; that <a name="of_Verdun"></a>of Verdun +has begun, and all eyes are focused on the tremendous +struggle for the famous fortress. The Crown Prince has +still his laurels to win, and it is clear that no sacrifice of German +"cannon fodder" will be too great to deter him from pushing +the stroke home. <a name="Fort_Douaumont_has_fallen"></a>Fort Douaumont has fallen, and the hill of +the Mort Homme has already terribly justified its cadaverous +name. The War-lords of Germany are sorely in need of a +spectacular success even though they purchase it at a great +price, for they are very far from having everything their own +way. <a name="Another_Colony"></a>Another Colony has gone the way of Tsing-tau, New +Guinea and South-West Africa. <a name="Erzerum"></a>The German Kamerun has +cried "Kamerad!" <a name="General_Smuts"></a>General Smuts, like Botha, "Boer and +Briton too," has gone off to take command in East Africa, and +in the Caucasus Erzerum has fallen to the Russians. The +Kaiser is reported to be bitterly <a name="disappointed_with_Allah"></a>disappointed with Allah.</p> + +<p><a name="Sir_Edward_Grey"></a>Sir Edward Grey is not altogether satisfied with the conduct +of the Neutral Powers. He has no desire to make things as +irksome to them as some of his critics desire. But he has +pointed out that in the matter of preventing supplies from +reaching the enemy by circuitous routes Great Britain has her +own work to do, and means to do it thoroughly.</p> + +<p>The miraculous <a name="forbearance_of"></a>forbearance of President Wilson, in face +of the activities of Count Bernstorff, is even more trying to a +good many of his countrymen than it is to the belligerent +Briton. Mr. Roosevelt, for instance, derives no satisfaction +from being the fellow-countryman of a man who can "knock +spots" off Job for patience. The <i><a name="New_York_Life"></a>New York Life</i> has long +criticised the President with a freedom far eclipsing anything +in the British Press. It has now crowned its "interventionist" +campaign by a "John Bull number," the most generous and +graceful tribute ever paid to England by the American Press.</p> + +<a name="THE_CHALLENGE"></a> +<center><img src="images/090.png" alt="THE CHALLENGE"></center> +<h4>THE CHALLENGE<br> +<br> +"Halt! Who comes there?" "Neutral." "Prove it!"<br> +<br> +"What I would say to Neutrals is this: Do they admit our right to apply the +principles which were applied by the American Government in the war between North +and South--to apply those principles to modern conditions and to do our best to prevent +trade with the enemy through neutral countries? If the answer is that we are not entitled to +do that, then I must say definitely it is a departure from neutrality."--SIR EDWARD GREY. +</h4> +<br><br> + +<center><img src="images/091.png" alt="GRANNIE (dragged out of bed at 1.30 a.m., and being hurriedly dressed as +the bombs begin to fall)"></center> +<h4>GRANNIE (dragged out of bed at 1.30 a.m., and being hurriedly dressed as +the bombs begin to fall): "Nancy, these stockings are not a pair."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The <a name="Military_Service_Bill"></a>Military Service Bill has passed through both Houses, +and may be trusted to hasten still further the amazing growth +of our once "contemptible little" Army. <a name="mercantile_marine"></a>The pleasantest +incident during the month at Westminster has been the tribute +paid to the gallantry and self-sacrifice of the officers and men +of our mercantile marine. The least satisfactory aspect of +Parliamentary activity has been the ventilation of silly rumours +at Question time, in which Mr. Ginnell has been so well to the +fore as to suggest some subtle connection between cattle-driving +and hunting for mares' nests.</p> + +<p>Steps have already been taken to <a name="restrict_the_imports"></a>restrict the imports of +luxuries, and Ministers are believed to be unanimous in +regarding "ginger" as an article whose importation might be +profitably curtailed. It has been calculated that the annual +expenses saved by the closing of the <a name="London_Museums"></a>London Museums and +Galleries amount to about one-fifth of the public money spent +on the salaries of Members of Parliament. In other words:</p> + +<blockquote>Let Art and Science die,<br> +But give us still our old Loquacity.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Intellectual retrenchment, of course, is desirable,</p> + +<blockquote>But let us still keep open one collection<br> + Of curiosities and quaint antiques,<br> +Under immediate Cabinet direction--<br> + The finest specimens of talking freaks,<br> +Who constitute our most superb museum,<br> +Judged by the salaries with which we fee 'em.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="Lord_Sumner"></a>Lord Sumner, however, seems to have no illusions on this +score. He is reported to have said that "if the House of Lords +and the House of Commons could be taken and thrown into +a volcano every day the loss represented would be less than the +daily loss of the campaign." It sounds a drastic remedy, but +might be worth trying.</p> + +<p><a name="Field-Marshal_Lord_French"></a>Field-Marshal Lord French has taken over the responsibility +for home defence against enemy aircraft, with Sir Percy Scott +as his expert adviser. But the status of Sir Percy, who, as +officially announced, "has not quite left the Admiralty and has +not quite joined the War Office," seems to suggest "a kind of +giddy harumfrodite--soldier an' sailor too."</p> + +<p>The War fosters the study of natural and unnatural history.</p> + +<center><img src="images/092.png" alt="FIRST LADY: "That's one of them Australian soldiers.""></center> +<h4>FIRST LADY: "That's one of them Australian soldiers."<br> + +SECOND LADY: "How do you know?"<br> + +FIRST LADY: "Why, can't you see the Kangaroo feathers in his hat?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Many early nestings are recorded as the result of mild weather, +and at least one occasional visitor <i>(Polonius bombifer</i>) has laid +eggs in various parts of the country.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="March1916"></a><i>March, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>The month of the War god has again justified its name +and its traditions. Both entry and exit have been leonine. +The <a name="new_submarine"></a>new submarine "frightfulness" began on the 1st, +and the battle round Verdun, in which the fate of Paris, to say +the least, is involved, has raged with unabated fury throughout +the entire month.</p> + +<p>Germany's junior partners, Turkey and Bulgaria, are for +the moment more concerned with bleeding Germany than with +shedding their blood for her;<a name="Enver_Pasha"></a> Enver Pasha is reported to have +gone to pay a visit to the tomb of the Prophet at Medina; +<a name="Portugal"></a>Portugal, our oldest ally, is now officially at war with Germany, +and the dogs of frightfulness are already toasting "<i>der Tagus</i>."</p> + +<p>On our share of the Western front there is still what is +nominally described as a "lull." But, as a young Officer writes, +"you must not imagine that life here is all honey. Even here +we do a bit for our eight-and-sixpence." Once upon a time +billets were billets. They now very often admit of being shelled +with equal exactitude from due in front and due in rear, and +water is laid on throughout. "It is a fact well known to all our +most widely circulated photographic dailies that the German +gunners waste a power of ammunition. The only criticism I +have to make is that I wish they would waste it more carefully. +The way they go strewing the stuff about around us is such that +they're bound to hit someone or something before long. Still, +we have only two more days in these trenches, and they seldom +give us more than ten thousand shells a day."</p> + +<a name="TO_THE_GLORY_OF_FRANCE"></a> +<center><img src="images/094.png" alt="TO THE GLORY OF FRANCE"></center> +<h4>TO THE GLORY OF FRANCE<br> +Verdun, February-March, 1916</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Letters from second-lieutenants seldom go beyond a gentle +reminder that their life is not an Elysium. They offer a strange +contrast to the activities of Parliamentary grousers and scapegoat +hunters. If the Germans were in occupation of the Black +Country, if Oxford were being daily shelled as Rheims is, and +if with a favouring breeze London could hear the dull rumble +of the bombardment as Paris can, one wonders if Members +would still be encumbering the Order-paper with the vexatious +trivialities that now find place there, or emitting what a +patriotic Labour Member picturesquely described as "the +croakings and bleatings of the fatted lambs who have besmirched +their country." <i>Per contra</i> we welcome the optimism +of Mr. Asquith in <a name="discussing_new_Votes_of_Credit"></a>discussing new Votes of Credit, though +he reminds us of Micawber calculating his indebtedness for +the benefit of Traddles. It will be remembered that when the +famous IOU had been handed over, Copperfield remarked, +"I am persuaded not only that this was quite the same to Mr. +Micawber as paying the money, but that Traddles himself +hardly knew the difference until he had had time to think about +it." Then we have had the surprising but welcome experience +of Mr. <a name="Tim_Healy"></a>Tim Healy championing the Government against Sir John +Simon's attack on the Military Service Bill; and have listened +to Lord Montagu of Beaulieu's urgent plea in the Lords for +unity of air control, a proposal which Lord Haldane declared +could not be adopted without some "violent thinking." Most +remarkable of all has been Mr. Churchill's intervention in the +debate on the Naval Estimates, his gloomy review of the +situation--Mr. Churchill is always a pessimist when out of +office--and the marvellous magnanimity of his suggestion that +Lord Fisher should be reinstated at the Admiralty, on the +ground that his former antagonist was the only possible First +Sea Lord. Mr. Balfour dealt so faithfully with these criticisms +and suggestions that there seems to be no truth in the report that +Mr. Churchill has been asked to join the Government as Minister +of Admonitions. A new and coruscating star has swum into our +Parliamentary ken in the shape of the <a name="Member_for_Mid-Herts"></a>Member for Mid-Herts, +and astronomers have labelled it "Pegasus [Greek: pi beta]." When the +House of Commons passed the Bill prohibiting duels it ought to +have made an exception in favour of its own Members. Nothing +would have done more to raise the tone of debate, for offenders +against decorum would gradually have eliminated one another. +Yet Parliament has its merits, not the least of them being the +scope it still affords for hereditary talent. Lord Derby, at the +moment the most <a name="prominent_man_on_the_Home_Front"></a>prominent man on the Home Front after +the Premier, is the grandson of the "Rupert of Debate," and the +<a name="new_Minister_of_Blockade"></a>new Minister of Blockade enters on his duties close on fifty +years after another Lord Robert Cecil entered the Cabinet of +Lord Derby. So history repeats itself with a difference. In +spite of the Coalition, or perhaps because of it, the old <a name="strife_revived"></a>strife of +Whigs and Tories has revived, though the lines of cleavage are +quite different from what they were. Thus the new Tories are +the men who believe that the War is going to be decided by +battles in Flanders and the North Sea, and would sacrifice +everything for victory, even the privilege of abusing the +Government. The new Whigs are the men who consider that +the House of Commons is the decisive arena, and that even the +defeat of the Germans would be dearly purchased at the cost of +the individual's right to say and do what he pleased.</p> + +<a name="MULE_HUMOUR"></a> +<center><img src="images/096a.png" alt="MULE HUMOUR"></center> +<h4>"He's kicked the Corporal!"</h4> +<center><img src="images/096b.png" alt="MULE HUMOUR"></center> +<h4>"He's kicked the Vet.!!"</h4> +<center><img src="images/096c.png" alt="MULE HUMOUR"></center> +<h4>"He's kicked the Transport Officer!!!"</h4> +<center><img src="images/096d.png" alt="MULE HUMOUR"></center> +<h4>"He's kicked the Colonel!!!!"<br> +<br> +MULE HUMOUR</h4> +<br><br> + +<center><img src="images/097.png" alt="THE VICAR: "These Salonikans, Mrs. Stubbs, are, of course, the Thessalonians +to whom St. Paul wrote his celebrated letters.""></center> +<h4>THE VICAR: "These Salonikans, Mrs. Stubbs, are, of course, the Thessalonians +to whom St. Paul wrote his celebrated letters."<br> + +MRS. STUBBS: "Well, I 'ope 'e'd better luck with 'is than I 'ave. I sent +my boy out there three letters and two parcels, and I ain't got no answer to 'em +yet."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>After the exhibition of Mr. <a name="AugustusJohnsportrait"></a>Augustus John's portrait of Mr. +Lloyd George,<a name="Tirpitz"></a> the most startling personal event of the month +has been the dismissal of Grand Admiral Tirpitz. According +to one account, he resigned because he could not take the +German Fleet out. According to another, it was because he +could no longer take the German people in.</p> + +<p>At Oxford the Hebdomadal Council have suspended the +filling of the Professorship of Modern Greek for six months. +Apparently there is no one about just now who understands +the modern Greek. A French correspondent puts it somewhat +differently:<br> "<i>La Grèce Antique</i>: Hellas. <i>La Grèce Moderne</i>: Hélas!"</p> + + + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="April1916"></a><i>April, 1916</i>.</h2> +<br> + +<p>Who would have thought when the month opened that +at its close a new front within the Four Seas would +be added to our far-flung line, Dublin's finest street +half ruined,<a name="martial_law"></a> Ireland placed under martial law? Certainly not +Mr. Birrell or Mr. Redmond or the Irish Nationalist Members. +The staunchest Unionist would acquit Mr. William O'Brien +of any menace when in the Budget Debate, three weeks before +the Rebellion of Easter Week, he gave it as his opinion that +Ireland ought to be omitted from the Budget altogether. So, +too, with Mr. Tim Healy, whose principal complaint was that +the tax on railway tickets would put a premium on foreign +travel; that people would go to Paris instead of Dublin, and +Switzerland instead of Killarney. No, so far as the Government +and Ireland's Parliamentary representatives went, it was a +bolt from the blue--or the green. Mr. Birrell, Chief Secretary +for Ireland for nine years, a longer period than any of his +predecessors, has shown himself conspicuous at once by his +absence and his innocence, and England in her hour of need, +with the submarine peril daily growing and all but starved out +after a heroic defence, stands to pay dearly for the privilege +of entrusting the administration of Ireland to an absentee +humorist.</p> + +<p><a name="closing_in_on"></a>On the Western front Verdun still rivets all eyes. The +German hordes are closing in on the fortress, but at a heavier +cost for each mile gained than they have ever paid before.</p> + +<p>Germany's colossal effort would inspire admiration as well +as respect if she would only fight clean. The ugly stories of +her <a name="treatment_of_prisoners"></a>treatment of prisoners have now culminated in the terrible +record of the typhus-stricken camp at Wittenberg, where the +German doctors deserted their post.</p> + +<a name="THE_REPUDIATION"></a> +<center><img src="images/099.png" alt="THE REPUDIATION"></center> +<h4>THE REPUDIATION<br> +<br> +Martin Luther (to Shakespeare): "I see my countrymen +claim you as one of them. You may thank God that +you're not that. They have made my Wittenberg--ay, and +all Germany--to stink in my nostrils."</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_GRAPES_OF_VERDUN"></a> +<center><img src="images/100.png" alt="THE GRAPES OF VERDUN"></center> +<h4>THE GRAPES OF VERDUN<br> +<br> +THE OLD FOX: "You don't seem to be getting much nearer +them?"<br> + +THE CUB: "No, Father. Hadn't we better give it out that +they're sour?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The report of Mr. Justice Younger's Committee, in which +the tale of this atrocity is fully told, is being circulated in neutral +countries, and Mr. Will Thorne has suggested that it should +also be sent to our conscientious objectors. It is well to +administer some sort of corrective to the information diffused +by the neutral newsmonger:</p> + +<blockquote>Who cheers us when we're in the blues,<br> +With reassuring German news,<br> +Of starving Berliners in queues?<br> + The Neutral.<br> +<br> +And then, soon after, tells us they<br> +Are feeding nicely all the day,<br> +And in the old familiar way?<br> + The Neutral.<br> +<br> +Who sees the Kaiser in Berlin,<br> +Dejected, haggard, old as sin,<br> +And shaking in his hoary skin?<br> + The Neutral.<br> +<br> +Then says he's quite a Sunny Jim,<br> +That buoyant health and youthful vim<br> +Are sticking out all over him?<br> + The Neutral.<br> +<br> +Who tells us tales of Krupp's new guns,<br> +Much larger than the other ones,<br> +And endless trains chock-full of Huns?<br> + The Neutral.<br> +<br> +And then, when our last hope has fled,<br> +Declares the Huns are either dead<br> +Or hopelessly dispirited?<br> + The Neutral.<br> +<br> +In short, who seems to be a blend<br> +Of Balaam's Ass, the bore's godsend,<br> +And <i>Mrs. Gamp's</i> elusive friend?<br> + The Neutral.<br></blockquote> + +<p>In Parliament we have had the biggest Budget ever known +introduced in the shortest Budget speech of the last half-century, +at any rate. <a name="Mr._Pemberton_Billing"></a>Mr. Pemberton Billing is doing his best every +Tuesday to bring the atmosphere of the aerodrome into the +House. Mr. Tennant has promised his sympathetic consideration +to Mr. Billing's offer personally to organise raids on the +enemy's aircraft bases, and the House is bearing up as well as can +be expected under the shadow of this impending bereavement. +Mr. <a name="Swift_MacNeill"></a>Swift MacNeill is busy with his patriotic effort to purge the +roll of the Lords of the peerages now held by enemy dukes. For +the rest, up to Easter Week, the Parliamentary situation has +been described as "a cabal every afternoon and a crisis every +second day."</p> + +<p>It is one of the strange outcomes of this wonderful time that there +is more <a name="gaiety"></a>gaiety as well as more suffering in hospitals during the War +than in peace. Certainly such a request would never have been heard in +normal years as that recently made by a nurse to a roomful of +irrepressible Tommies at a private hospital:</p> + +<p>"A message has just come in to ask if the hospital will make a +little less noise as the lady next door has a touch of +headache."</p> + +<p>For shouting "The Zepps are coming!" a Grimsby girl has +been fined £1. It was urged in defence that the girl suffered from +hallucinations, one being that she was a daily newspaper proprietor. But +the <a name="recent_Zeppelin_raids"></a>recent Zeppelin raids have not been without their advantages. In a +spirit of emulation an ambitious hen at Acton has laid an egg weighing 5 +1/4 oz.</p> + +<center><img src="images/102.png" alt="VISITOR (at Private Hospital)"></center> +<h4>VISITOR (at Private Hospital): "Can I see Lieutenant Barker, please?"<br> + +MATRON: "We do not allow ordinary visiting. May I ask if you are a relative?"<br> + +VISITOR (boldly): "Oh, yes! I'm his sister."<br> + +MATRON: "Dear me! I'm very glad to meet you. <i>I'm his mother</i>."</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="May1916"></a>May, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>Verdun still holds out: that is the best news of the +month. The French with inexorable logic continue to +exact the highest price for the smallest gain of ground. If +the Germans are ready to give 100,000 men for a hill or part +of a hill they may have it. If they will give a million men they +may perhaps have Verdun itself. But so far their Pyrrhic +victories have stopped short of this limit, and Verdun, like +Ypres, battered, ruined and evacuated by civilians, remains a +symbol of Allied tenacity and the will to resist.</p> + +<p>The months in war-time sometimes belie their traditions, but +it is fitting that in May we should have enlisted a new Ally--the +Sun. The<a name="Daylight_Saving_Bill"></a> Daylight Saving Bill became Law on May 17. +Here is a true economy, and our only regret is that Mr. Willett, +the chief promoter of a scheme complacently discussed during +his lifetime as ingenious but impracticable, should not have +lived to witness its swift and unmurmuring acceptance under +stress of war.</p> + +<p>The official <i>communiqués</i> from the Irish Front in the earlier +stages of the Dublin rebellion did not long maintain their roseate +complexion. Even before the end of April a Secret Session--the +second in a week--was held to discuss the Irish situation. +By a strange coincidence this Secret Session immediately +followed the grant by the Commons of a Return relating to Irish +Lunacy accounts. From the meagre official summary we gather +that the absence of reporters has at least the negative advantage +of shortening speeches. In a very few days, however, the +Prime Minister discarded reticence, admitting the gravity of +the situation, the prevalence of street fighting, the spread of +the <a name="insurrection_in_the_West"></a>insurrection in the West, the appointment of +<a name="Sir_John_Maxwell"></a>Sir John Maxwell to the supreme command, and the placing of the Irish +Government under his orders. The inevitable sequel--the +execution of the responsible insurrectionist leaders--has led to +vehement protests from Messrs. Dillon and O'Brien against +militarist brutality. The House of Commons is a strange place. +When <a name="Mr._Birrell"></a>Mr. Birrell rose on May 3 to give an account of his nine +years' stewardship, the Unionists, and not the Unionists alone, +were thinking of a lamp-post in Whitehall. When he had +concluded his pathetic apologia and confessed his failure to +estimate accurately the strength of Sinn Fein, members were +almost ready to fall on his neck, but they no longer wanted +his head.</p> + +<a name="HELD"></a> +<center><img src="images/104.png" alt="HELD!"></center> +<h4>HELD!</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="WANTED--A_ST._PATRICK"></a> +<center><img src="images/105.png" alt="WANTED--A ST. PATRICK"></center> +<h4>WANTED--A ST. PATRICK<br> +<br> +ST. AUGUSTINE BIRRELL: "I'm afraid I'm not so smart as my +brother-saint +at dealing with this kind of thing. I'm apt to take reptiles too lightly." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Even Sir Edward Carson admitted that Mr. Birrell +had been well intentioned and had done his best. By the middle +of the month <a name="Mr._Asquith_had_gone_to_Ireland"></a>Mr. Asquith had gone to Ireland, in the hope of +discovering some arrangement for the future which would +commend itself to all parties. By the 25th he was back in his +place after nine days in Dublin. But he had no panacea of +his own to prescribe; no cut-and-dried plan for the regeneration +of Ireland. All he could say was that Mr. Lloyd George had +<a name="been_deputed"></a>been deputed by the Cabinet to confer with the various Irish +leaders, and the choice is generally approved. If anyone knows +how to handle high explosives without causing a premature +concussion it should be the Minister of Munitions.</p> + +<p>Ireland has dominated the political scene at home, for it is +impossible not to connect our new commitments across St. +George's Channel with the introduction and passing of the new +Military Service Bill establishing compulsion for all men, +married or single--always excepting Ireland. The question of +man-power is paramount. Mr. Asquith is at last convinced that +"Wait and See" must yield to "Do it Now": that the nation +won't have the sword of Damocles hanging over its head any +longer, but will have compulsion in its hand at once. On the +progress of the War Mr. Asquith has said little in Open +Session, but any omission on his part has been made good by +Mr. Churchill, now home on unlimited leave, who has spoken at +great length on the proper use of armies.</p> + +<p>Mr. Arthur Ponsonby and Mr. Ramsay MacDonald, who +raised the question of Peace on Empire Day, urging the +Government to open negotiations with Germany, have elicited +from the Foreign Secretary the deliberate statement that the +only terms of peace which the German Government had ever +put forward were the terms of victory for Germany, and that +we could not reason with the German people so long as they +were fed with lies.</p> + +<p><a name="Mr._Henry_James"></a>Mr. Henry James, who so nobly repaid the hospitality +England was proud to show him by adopting her nationality in +her hour of greatest need, said shortly before his death that +nothing grieved him more than the constant loss of England's +"best blood, seed and breed." The mothers of England "give +their sons," but they know that the choice did not rest with +them:</p> + +<blockquote>We did not give you--all unasked you went,<br> + Sons of a greater motherhood than ours;<br> +To our proud hearts your young brief lives were lent,<br> + Then swept beyond us by resistless powers.<br> +Only we hear, when we have lost our all,<br> + That far clear call.<br></blockquote> + +<p>But how can the grief be measured of those</p> + +<blockquote> Whose best,<br> + Eager to serve a higher quest<br> +And in the Great Cause know the joy of battle,<br> + Gallant and young, by traitor hands,<br> + Leagued with a foe from alien lands,<br> +Struck down in cold blood, fell like butchered cattle?<br></blockquote> + +<p>Though Ireland is not for the moment a source of humour +she contrives to be the cause of it in others. A daily paper +tells us that Sir Robert Chalmers is to be "Permanent Under-Secretary +of Ireland <i>pro tem</i>." Another daily paper, the <i>Daily +Mail,</i> to be precise, has discovered a new test of valour: "Mr. +Hellish, a regular reader of the <i>Daily Mail</i> for years, was +awarded the V.C. last month for conspicuous bravery."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="June1916"></a>June, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>At last the long vigil in the North Sea has ended in the +glorious if indecisive <a name="battle_of_Jutland"></a>battle of Jutland, the greatest sea +fight since Trafalgar. Yet was it indecisive? After the momentary +dismay caused by the first Admiralty <i>communiqué</i> with +its over-estimate of our losses, public confidence, shaken where +it was strongest, has been restored by further information and +by the admissions of the enemy. We have to mourn the loss of +many ships, still more the loss of splendid ships' companies +and their heroic captains. We can sympathise with the cruel +disappointment of those who, after bearing the brunt of the +action, were robbed of the opportunity of overwhelming their +enemy by failing light and the exigencies of a strategy governed +in the last resort by political caution. But look at the sequel. +The German Fleet, badly battered, retires to port; and despite +the pæans of exultation from their Admirals, Kaiser, and +Imperial Chancellor, remains there throughout the month. +Will it ever come out again? Meanwhile, <a name="Wilhelmshaven"></a>Wilhelmshaven is +closed indefinitely, and nobody is allowed to see those sheep in +Wolff's clothing--the "victorious fleet." The true verdict, so +far as we can judge, may be expressed in homely phrase: The +British Navy has taken a knock but given a harder one. We +can stand it and they can't.</p> + +<a name="THE_LOST_CHIEF"></a> +<center><img src="images/108.png" alt="THE LOST CHIEF"></center> +<h4>THE LOST CHIEF<br> +<br> +In Memory of Field-Marshal Earl Kitchener, Maker of Armies +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Within a week of Jutland the Empire has been stirred to +its depths by the <a name="tragic_death_of_Lord_Kitchener"></a>tragic death of Lord Kitchener in the +<i>Hampshire</i>, blown up by a mine off the Shetlands on her +voyage to Archangel. On the eve of starting on his mission +to Russia his last official act had been to meet his critics of the +House of Commons face to face, reply to their questions and +leave them silenced and admiring. <a name="eulogies"></a> On the day of the battle of +Jutland these critics had moved the Prime Minister to declare +that Lord Kitchener was personally entitled to the credit for +the amazing expansion of the army. Sir Mark Sykes, no mean +authority, asserted that in Germany our War Secretary was +feared as a great organiser, while in the East his name was one +to conjure with; and Sir George Reid, a worthy representative +of the Dominions, observed that his chief fault was that he was +"not clever at circulating the cheap coin of calculated civilities +which enable inferior men to rise to positions to which they +are not entitled." These tributes were delivered in his lifetime; +they deserve to be contrasted with the appreciations of those +journalists who clamoured for his appointment, then clamoured +for his dismissal, and profaned his passing with their insincere +eulogies. Three weeks of Recess elapsed before the Houses +could render homage to the illustrious dead. In the Lords the +debt has been paid by a statesman, Lord Lansdowne, a soldier, +Lord French, and a friend, Lord Derby. In the Commons the +speeches were all touched with genuine emotion and the sense +of personal loss. Through all these various tributes rang the +note of duty well done, and Mr. Bonar Law did well to remind +the House of the sure instinct which caused Lord Kitchener to +realise at the very outset the gigantic nature of the present +War. In a sense his loss is irreparable, yet his great work was +accomplished before he died. Sometimes accused of expecting +others to achieve the impossible, he had achieved it himself in +the crowning miracle of his life, the improvisation of the New +Armies.</p> + +<p>The <a name="violation_of_Greek_territory"></a>violation of Greek territory by the Bulgarian troops, +as might be expected, has not led to any effective protest from +King Constantine. On the contrary, one seems to hear this +benevolent neutral deprecating any apology on the part of King +Ferdinand: "Please make yourself at home. This is Liberty +Hall."</p> + +<p>It is otherwise with the irruption of the Russians under +<a name="General_Brusiloff"></a>General Brusiloff. His great offensive is a source of offence to +the Austrians, who have good reason to complain that the +"steam-roller" is exceeding the speed limit. Or to change the +metaphor, the bear and his tormentor have changed places.</p> + +<p>Ireland has receded a little from her place in the limelight, +and though debates on martial law continue, and Irish members +ask an inordinate number of questions arising out of the hot +Easter week in Dublin, the temperature is no longer "98 in +the shade" as a local wit described it at the time. Ministers +are extremely economical of information: the anticipated +settlement still hangs fire, and there are increasing fears that +it will not hold water.</p> + +<a name="THE_FAR-REACHING_EFFECT_OF_THE_RUSSIAN_PUSH"></a> +<center><img src="images/110.png" alt="THE FAR-REACHING EFFECT OF THE RUSSIAN PUSH"></center> +<h4>THE FAR-REACHING EFFECT OF THE RUSSIAN PUSH</h4> +<br><br> +<p>A number of professional fortune-tellers have been fined at +Southend for having predicted Zeppelins. The fraudulent nature +of their pretensions was sufficiently manifest, since even the +authorities had been unable to foresee the Zeppelins until some +time after they had arrived.</p> + +<p>The discussions in Parliament and out of it of the way in +which things get into the papers which oughtn't to, are dying +down. A daily paper, however, has revived them by the headline, +"Cabinet leekage." Now, why, in wonder, do they spell +it in that way?</p> + +<p><a name="incarnations_of_women"></a>It is quite impossible to keep pace with all the new +incarnations of women in war-time--'bus-conductress, +ticket-collector, lift-girl, club waitress, post-woman, bank clerk, +motor-driver, farm-labourer, guide, munition maker. There +is nothing new in the function of ministering angel: the +myriad nurses in hospital here or abroad are only carrying out, +though in greater numbers than ever before, what has always +been woman's mission.<a name="proud_and_delighted"></a> But whenever he sees one of these new +citizens, or hears fresh stories of their address and ability, +Mr. Punch is proud and delighted. Perhaps in the past, even +in the present, he may have been, or even still is, a little given +to chaff Englishwomen for some of their foibles, and even their +aspirations. But he never doubted how splendid they were at +heart; he never for a moment supposed they would be anything +but ready and keen when the hour of need struck.</p> + + +<center><img src="images/111.png" alt="FARMER (who has got a lady-help in the dairy)"></center> +<h4>FARMER (who has got a lady-help in the dairy): "'Ullo, Missy, what in the +world be ye doin'?"<br> + +LADY: "Well, you told me to water the cows, and I'm doing it. They don't +seem to like it much."</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="July1916"></a>July, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p><a name="battle_of_the_somme"></a>On the home front we have long been accustomed to the +sound of guns, small and great, but it has come from +training camps and inspires confidence rather than +anxiety. We have been spared the horrors of invasion, +occupation, wholesale devastation. In certain areas the noise +of bombs and anti-aircraft guns has grown increasingly familiar, +and on our south-east and east coasts war from the air, on the +sea, and under the sea has become more and more audible as +the months pass by. But July has brought us a new experience--the +sound fifty or sixty miles inland in peaceful rural +England, amid glorious midsummer weather, of the continual +throbbing night and day of the great guns on the Somme, where +our first great offensive opened on the 1st, and has continued +with solid and substantial gains, some set-backs, heavy losses +for the Allies, still heavier for the enemy. Names of villages +and towns, which hitherto have been to most of us mere names +on the map, have now become luminous through shining deeds +of glory and sacrifice--Contalmaison and Mametz, Delville +Wood, Thiepval and Beaumont-Hamel, Serre and Pozières.</p> + +<p>The victory, for victory it is, has not been celebrated in the +German way. England takes her triumphs as she takes defeats, +without a sign of having turned a hair:</p> + +<blockquote>Yet we are proud because at last, at last<br> + We look upon the dawn of our desire;<br> +Because the weary waiting-time is passed<br> + And we have tried our temper in the fire;<br> + And proving word by deed<br> +Have kept the faith we pledged to France at need.<br> +<br> +But most because, from mine and desk and mart,<br> + Springing to face a task undreamed before,<br> +Our men, inspired to play their prentice part<br> + Like soldiers lessoned in the school of war,<br> + True to their breed and name,<br> +Went flawless through the fierce baptismal flame.<br> +<br> +And he who brought these armies into life,<br> + And on them set the impress of his will--<br> +Could he be moved by sound of mortal strife,<br> + There where he lies, their Captain, cold and still<br> + Under the shrouding tide,<br> +How would his great heart stir and glow with pride!<br></blockquote> + +<a name="TWO_HEADS_WITH_BUT_A_SINGLE_THOUGHT"></a> +<center><img src="images/113.png" alt=""TWO HEADS WITH BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT""></center> +<h4>"TWO HEADS WITH BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT"<br> +<br> +FIRST HEAD: "What prospects?"<br> +SECOND HEAD: "Rotten."<br> +FIRST HEAD: "Same here."</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="submarine_cruiser"></a> +<p>The <a name="results_of_the_battle_of_the_Somme"></a>results of the battle of the Somme are shown in a variety +of ways: by the reticence and admissions of the German Press, +by its efforts to divert attention to the exploits of the commercial +submarine cruiser <i>Deutschland</i>; above all, by the Kaiser's fresh +explosions of piety. "The Devil was sick, the Devil a monk +would be." There is no further sign of his fleet, which remains +crippled by its "victory." Nor can he, still less his Ally, draw +comfort from the situation on the Russian or Italian fronts.</p> + +<a name="WELLDONETHENEWARMY"></a> +<center><img src="images/114.png" alt="WELL DONE, THE NEW ARMY"></center> +<h4>WELL DONE, THE NEW ARMY</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Mr. Punch finds the usual difficulty in getting any details +from his correspondents when they have been or are in the +thick of the fighting. Practically all that they have to say is +that there was a "damned noise," that breakfast was delayed +by the "morning hate," or that an angry sub besought a weary +O.C. "to ask our gunners not to serve faults into our front +line wire." One of them, however, a very wise young man, +ventures on the prediction that the War will last well into 1918. +As the result of a brief leave he has learned an important truth. +"In England they assume that you, having just arrived from +France, <i>know</i>. When you return to France, it is assumed that +you, having just arrived from England, <i>know</i>."</p> + +<p>In Parliament Ireland is beginning to suffer from a rival in +unenviable notoriety. Mesopotamia does not smell particularly +sweet just now, but that may add to its usefulness as a red +herring. Geographers are said to have some difficulty in +defining its exact boundaries, but the Government are probably +quite convinced that it is situate between the Devil and the +Deep Sea. Two <a name="Special_Commissions"></a>Special Commissions are to be set up to +inquire into the Mesopotamian and Dardanelles Expeditions. +Public opinion has been painfully stirred by the harrowing +details which have come to light of the preventible sufferings +endured by British troops. From their point of view the +supply of their medical needs, now guaranteed, is worth a +wilderness of Special Commissions. But Ireland still holds +the floor, though Mr. Asquith is frugal of information as to +the prospective Irish Bill and has deprecated discussion of +the <a name="Hardinge_Report"></a>Hardinge Report, the most scarifying public document of +our times. The Lords, unembarrassed by any embargo, have +discussed the Report in a spirit which must make Mr. Birrell +thank his stars that he got in his confession first. But why, +he may ask, should he be judged by Lord Hardinge, himself +a prospective defendant at the bar of public opinion?</p> + +<p>Following the lead of a certain section of the Press, certain +Members have begun to wax vocal on the subject of reprisals, +uninterned Aliens, and the Hidden Hand. Their appeals to +the Home Office to go on the spy-trail have not met with much +sympathy so far. An alleged Austrian taxi-driver has turned +out to be a harmless Scotsman with an impediment in his +speech. More interesting has been the sudden re-emergence +of <a name="Mr._John_Burns"></a>Mr. John Burns. He sank without a trace two years ago, +but has now bobbed up to denounce the proposal to strengthen +the Charing Cross railway-bridge. We could have wished +that he had been ready to "keep the bridge" in another sense; +but at least he has been a silent Pacificist. Mr. Winston +Churchill, when his journalistic labours permit, has contributed +to the debates, and <a name="Lord_Haldane_education"></a>Lord Haldane has again delivered his +famous lecture on the defects of English education. But for +Parliamentary sagacity <i>in excelsis</i> commend us to Mr. +McCallum Scott. He is seriously perturbed about the shortage +of sausage-skins and, in spite of the bland assurance of Mr. +Harcourt that supplies are ample, is alleged to be planning a +fresh campaign with the assistance of Mr. Hogge. Another +shortage has given rise to no anxiety, but rather the reverse. In +a police court it was recently stated that there are no longer any +<a name="tramps_in_England"></a>tramps in England. Evidently the appeal of that stirring old +song, "Tramp! tramp! tramp! the boys are marching," has +not been without its effect.</p> + +<center><img src="images/116.png" alt="CONJURER (unconscious of the approach of hostile aircraft)"></center> +<h4>CONJURER (unconscious of the approach of hostile aircraft): "Now, Ladies +and Gentlemen, I want you to watch me closely."]</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Yet another endurable shortage is +reported from the seaside, where an old sailor on the local sea +front has been lamenting the spiritual starvation brought about +by the war. "Why," he said, "for the first time for twenty +years we ain't got no performing fleas down here." And performers, +when they do come, are not always successful in +riveting the attention of their audience.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="August1916"></a>August, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>The third year of the War opens well for the Allies; so +well that the Kaiser has again issued a <a name="statement_denying"></a>statement denying +that he is responsible for it. The Big Push on the +Somme goes on steadily, thanks to fine leadership, the steadfast +heroism of the New Armies, and the loyal co-operation of the +munition-workers at home, who have deferred their holiday +rather than hamper their brothers in the trenches by a lessened +output.</p> + +<p>Here one fact may suffice as a sample. The weekly consumption +of high explosives by the Army is now between eleven +and twelve thousand times as much as it was in September, +1914. Yet when a lieutenant is asked to state what it is really +like being along with the B.E.F. when it is in its pushful +mood, he sedulously eschews heroics, and will not commit +himself to saying more than that it's all right--that he doesn't +think there is any cause for anxiety. "We seem to have ceased +to have sensations out here. It is a matter of business; the only +question is how long is it going to take to complete." So, too, +with the Tommies. "Wonderful," declares the man in the +ranks to persistent seekers after thrilling descriptions of +war. "You never see the like. Across in them trenches there +was real soda-water in bottles." To return to our lieutenant, +he "simply can't help being a little sorry for the Boche now that +his wild oats are coming home to roost." Even his poetic +friends, formerly soulful and precious, take this restrained view. +The Attributes of the Enemy are thus summed up by one +trench bard:</p> + +<blockquote>If Boches laughed and Huns were gents,<br> +They'd own their share of continents;<br> +There'd be no fuss, and, what is more,<br> +There wouldn't even be a war.<br> +Whereas the end of all this tosh<br> +Can only be there'll be no Boche.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="THE_BIG_PUSH"></a> +<center><img src="images/118.png" alt="THE BIG PUSH"></center> +<h4>THE BIG PUSH<br> +<br> +MUNITION WORKER: "Well, I'm not taking a holiday myself just +yet, but I'm sending these kids of mine for a little trip on the +Continent."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Another poet, an R.F.C. man, adopts the same vein, void +alike of hate or exultation:</p> + +<blockquote>Returning from my morning fly<br> +I met a Fokker in the sky,<br> +And, judging from its swift descent,<br> +It had a nasty accident.<br> +On thinking further of the same<br> +I rather fear I was to blame.<br></blockquote> + +<p>It is easy to understand why the enemy nations find +England so disappointing and unsatisfying to be at war +with.</p> + +<p>Italy, too, has had her Big Push on the <a name="Isonzo"></a>Isonzo, capturing +Monte Sabotino, which had defied her for fifteen months, and +Gorizia--a triumph of scientific preparation and intrepid +assault. The Austrian poison-gas attack on the Asiago plateau +has been avenged, and the objectives of the long and ineffectual +offensive of the previous winter carried with thousands of +prisoners at a comparatively cheap price. To add to Austria's +humiliation her armies on the Eastern Front have been placed +under the Prussian <a name="Hindenbur"></a>Hindenburg.<a name="Rumania"></a> And Rumania has joined +the Allies at the end of what has been a very bad month for +the Central Empires. English newspapers have been excluded +from Germany, and Berlin has added truthless to meatless days. +But the Germans have long since found a <a name="substitute"></a>substitute for +veracity as well as for leather and butter and rubber and bread. +They are said to have found a substitute for International Law, +and it is an open secret that they are even now in search of +a substitute for victory. We might even suggest a few more +substitutes which have not yet been utilised. As, for example, +a substitute for Verdun with the German flag flying over it; +substitutes for several German Colonies; a substitute for +Austria as an ally; and substitutes for Kultur and Organisation +and Efficiency and World Power and the Mailed Fist +and the Crown Prince and the Kaiser and the War and +all the things that haven't come off.</p> + +<p>Various momentous decisions have been arrived at in Parliament. +The Cabinet are <i>not</i> to be cinematographed, and +unnecessary taxi-whistling is to be suppressed, without any +prejudice to the squealing of importunate chatterers below the +gangway. Ireland has again dominated the Parliamentary +scene; the Nationalists have resumed their freedom of action +with <a name="attacks_on_Sir_John"></a>attacks on Sir John Maxwell and martial law, and are +displaying an embarrassing industry reminiscent of the +'Eighties. Mr. Ginnell has been removed by order of the +Speaker; Mr. Duke has succeeded Mr. Birrell; and the discussion +of three Irish Bills has bulked so large that one might +almost forget we were at war. In such brief moments as could +be spared from Irish affairs the Premier has proposed a fresh +Vote of Credit for 450 millions, has introduced a Bill for extending +the <a name="life_of_Parliament"></a>life of Parliament, and another establishing a new +Register. The last has been unmercifully belaboured in +debate, the Prime Minister himself describing it as "a halting, +lopsided, temporary makeshift." The apparently insoluble +problem is that of enabling soldiers in the trenches to exercise +the franchise. Soldiers and sailors can very well wait for their +votes, but not for their money, and the delays in providing +pensions for discharged men have been condemned by members +of all parties. So the War is not altogether forgotten by the +House. Mr. Lloyd George, the new <a name="War_Secretary"></a>War Secretary, without +wasting breath on the pessimistic comments of his colleague +Mr. Churchill, has given an encouraging survey of the general +situation. The cry has gone up that Mr. Hughes Must Come +Back from Australia, and Mr. Swift MacNeill has been rewarded +for his pertinacity by extracting a promise from Mr. Asquith +that he will <a name="purge_the_Peerage_of_its_enemy_Dukes"></a>purge the Peerage of its enemy Dukes. Better still +is the solemn assurance of the Premier that the Government +are taking steps to discover the identity of all those who are in +any way responsible for the judicial murder of <a name="Captain_Fryatt"></a>Captain Fryatt--the +worst instance of calculated atrocity against non-combatants +since the murder of Nurse Cavell.</p> + +<p>The <a name="education_of_our_New_Armies"></a>education of our New Armies is full of strange and +noble surprises. Now it is an ex-shop boy converted into an +R.H.A. driver. Or again it is a Tommy learning to appreciate +the heroism of a French peasant woman:</p> + +<blockquote>'Er bloke's out scrappin' with the rest,<br> + Pushin' a bay'net in Argonne;<br> +She wears 'is photo on 'er breast,<br> + "<i>Mon Jean</i>," she sez--the French for John.<br> +<br> +She 'ears the guns boom night an' day;<br> + She sees the shrapnel burstin' black;<br> +The sweaty columns march away,<br> + The stretchers bringin' of 'em back.<br> +<br> +She ain't got no war-leggin's on;<br> + 'Er picture's never in the Press,<br> +Out scoutin'. She finds breeks "<i>no bon</i>,"<br> + An' carries on in last year's dress.<br> +<br> +At dawn she tows a spotty cow<br> + To graze upon the village green;<br> +She plods for miles be'ind a plough,<br> + An' takes our washin' in between.<br> +<br> +She tills a patch o' spuds besides,<br> + An' burnt like copper in the sun,<br> +She tosses 'ay all day, then rides<br> + The 'orse 'ome when the job is done.<br> +<br> +The times is 'ard--I got me woes,<br> + With blistered feet an' this an' that,<br> +An' she's got 'ers, the good Lord knows,<br> + Although she never chews the fat.<br> +<br> +But when the Boche 'as gulped 'is pill,<br> + An' crawled 'ome to 'is bloomin' Spree,<br> +We'll go upon the bust, we will,<br> + Madame an' Monsieur Jean an' me.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Or once more it is the young officer shaving himself in a +captured German dug-out before an old looking-glass looted +from a <i>château</i> by a dead German, and apologising to its +rightful owner:</p> + +<blockquote>Madame, at the end of this long campaign,<br> +When France comes into her own again<br> +In the setting where only she can shine,<br> +As you in your mirror of rare design--<br> + Forgive me, who dare<br> + In a German lair<br> +To shave in your mirror at Pozières.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Then there are "<a name="lonely_soldiers"></a>lonely soldiers" in India, envious of their +more fortunate comrades in Flanders, and soldiers quite the +reverse of lonely during their well-earned leave.</p> +<br> + +<center><img src="images/122.png" alt="THE CAPTAIN: "Your brother is doing splendidly in the Battalion. Before +long he'll be our best man.""></center> +<h4>THE CAPTAIN: "Your brother is doing splendidly in the Battalion. Before +long he'll be our best man."<br> + +THE SISTER: "Oh, Reginald! Really, this is so very sudden."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The <a name="education_of_those_on_the_Home"></a>education of those on the Home Front is also proceeding. +There are some maids who announce the approach +of Zeppelins as if they were ordinary visitors. There are others +who politely decline to exchange a seat at an attic window +for the security of the basement.</p> + +<center><img src="images/123.png" alt="MISTRESS (coming to maid's room as the Zeppelins approach)"></center> +<h4>MISTRESS (coming to maid's room as the Zeppelins approach): "Jane! +Jane! Won't you come downstairs with the rest of us?"<br> + +LITTLE MAID: "Oh, thank you, Mum, but I can see beautiful from here, +Mum."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>According to the German papers Prince Frederick Leopold +of Prussia has been <a name="severely_reprimanded"></a>severely reprimanded by the Kaiser for +permitting his wild swine to escape from their enclosure and +damage neighbouring property. It would be interesting to +know if Prince Leopold excused himself on the ground that he +had merely followed the All Highest's distinguished example. +When Princes are rebuked common editors cannot hope to +escape censure. The <a name="editoroftheVorwärts"></a>editor of the <i>Vorwärts</i> has again been +arrested, the reason given being that the newspaper does not +truthfully represent Germany's position in the War. If the +title of the organ is any indication of its contents the charge +would appear to be more than justified.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="September1916"></a>September, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>"<a name="IAN_HAY"></a>IAN HAY" wrote a fine book on "The First Hundred +Thousand"--the first batch of Kitchener's Army. Another +book, equally glorious, remains to be written about another +Hundred Thousand--<a name="the_Sweepers_of_the_Sea"></a>the Sweepers of the Sea. And with them +are to be reckoned the heroes of the little ships of whom we +hear naught save the laconic record in a daily paper that "the +small steamer ------ struck a mine yesterday and sank," and +that all the crew were lost:</p> + +<blockquote>Who to the deep in ships go down,<br> + Great marvels do behold,<br> +But comes the day when some must drown<br> + In the grey sea and cold.<br> +For galleons lost great bells do toll,<br> + But now we must implore<br> +God's ear for sunken Little Ships<br> + Who are not heard of more.<br> +<br> +When ships of war put out to sea,<br> + They go with guns and mail,<br> +That so the chance may equal be<br> + Should foemen them assail;<br> +But Little Ships men's errands run,<br> + And are not clad for strife;<br> +God's mercy, then, on Little Ships<br> + Who cannot fight for life.<br> +<br> +To warm and cure, to clothe and feed,<br> + They stoutly put to sea,<br> +And since that men of them had need<br> + Made light of jeopardy;<br> +Each in her hour her fate did meet,<br> + Nor flinched nor made outcry;<br> +God's love be with these Little Ships<br> + Who could not choose but die.<br> +<br> +To friar and nun, and every one<br> + Who lives to save and tend,<br> +Sisters were these whose work is done<br> + And cometh thus to end;<br> +Full well they knew what risk they ran<br> + But still were strong to give;<br> +God's grace for all the Little Ships<br> + Who died that men might live.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="Combles"></a> +<p>September has brought us good tidings by land and air. +Thiepval and Combles are ours, and the <a name="plague_of_the_Zeppelins"></a>plague of the Zeppelins +has been stayed. The <a name="downing_of_the_Zepp_at_Cuffley"></a>downing of the Zepp at Cuffley by +Lieutenant Robinson gave North London the most thrilling +aerial spectacle ever witnessed. There has been much diversity +of opinion as to the safest place to be in during a Zeppelin +raid--under cover or in the open, on the top floor or in the +basement; but recent experiences suggest that by far the +most dangerous place on those occasions is in a Zeppelin. +<a name="coming_of_the_Tanks"></a>But perhaps the most momentous event of the month has been +the coming of the Tanks, a most humorous and formidable +addition to the <i>fauna</i> of the battlefield--half battleship, half +caterpillar--which have given the Germans the surprise of their +lives, a surprise all the more effective for being sudden and +complete. The Germans, no doubt, have their surprise packets +in store for us, but we can safely predict that they are not likely +to be at once so comic and so efficient as these unlovely but +painstaking monsters. As an officer at the front writes to a +friend: "These animals look so dreadfully competent, I am +quite sure they can swim. Thus, any day now, as you go to +your business in the City, you may meet one of them trundling +up Ludgate Hill, looking like nothing on earth and not +behaving like a gentleman." As for the relations between the +Allies in the field the same correspondent contributes some +enlightening details. The French aren't English and the +English aren't French, and difficulties are bound to arise. The +course of true love never did run smooth. Here it started, as +it generally does, with a rush; infatuation was succeeded by +friction, and that in turn by the orthodox aftermath of reconciliation. +"How do we stand now? We have settled down +to one of those attachments which have such an eternity before +them in the future that they permit of no gushing in the +present." <a name="active_participation"></a>The War goes well on the Western Front, the worst +news being the report that the Kaiser has undertaken to refrain +in future from active participation in the conduct of military +operations.</p> + +<a name="SWEEPERS_OF_THE_SEA"></a> +<center><img src="images/126.png" alt="THE SWEEPERS OF THE SEA."></center> +<h4>THE SWEEPERS OF THE SEA.<br> +<br> +MR. PUNCH: "Risky work, isn't it?"<br> + +TRAWLER SKIPPER: "That's why there's a hundred thousand of +us doin' it."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Peace reigns at Westminster, where legislators are agreeably +conspicuous by their absence. But other agencies are +active. According to an advertisement in the <i>Nation</i> the +Fabian Research Department have issued two Reports, "together +with a Project for a Supernatural Authority that will +Prevent War." The egg, on the authority of the <i>Daily Mail</i>, +is "disappearing from our breakfast table," but even the +humblest of us can still enjoy our daily mare's nest. The effect +of the Zeppelin on the young has already been shown; but +even the elderly own its stimulating influence.</p> + +<a name="THE_REJUVENATING_EFFECT_OF_ZEPPELINS"></a> +<center><img src="images/128.png" alt="THE REJUVENATING EFFECT OF ZEPPELINS"></center> +<h4>THE REJUVENATING EFFECT OF ZEPPELINS</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="October1916"></a>October, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p><a name="MrPunchscorrespondents"></a>Mr. Punch's correspondents at the Front have an incorrigible +habit of euphemism and levity. Even when +things go well they are never betrayed into heroics, but +adhere to the schoolboy formula of "not half bad," just as in the +blackest hours they would not admit that things were more than +"pretty beastly." Yet sometimes they deviate for a moment into +really enlightening comment. No better summary of the situation +as it stands in the third year of the War can be given than +in the words of the faithful "Watch-dog," who has long been +on duty in trench and dug-out and crater-hole:--</p> + +<p>"This War has ceased to become an occupation befitting a +gentleman--gentleman, that is, of the true Prussian breed. It +was a happy and honourable task so long as it consisted of +civilising the world at large with high explosive, poisonous +gas and burning oil, and the world at large was not too ready +to answer back. To persist in this stern business, in face of the +foolish and ignoble obstinacy of the adversary, required great +courage and strength of mind; but the Prussian is essentially +courageous and strong. Things came to a pretty pass, however, +when the wicked adversary made himself some guns and shells +and took to being stern on his own. People who behave like +that, especially after they have been conquered, are not to be +mixed with--anything to keep aloof from such. One had to +leave Combles, one had to leave Thiepval, one may even have +to leave Bapaume to avoid the pest; these nasty French and +English persons, with their disgusting tanks, intrude everywhere +nowadays." The German engineer is being hoist with +his own petard:</p> + +<blockquote>Yet you may suck sweet solace from the thought<br> + That not in vain the seed was sown,<br> +That half the recent havoc we have wrought<br> + Was based on methods all your own;<br> +And smile to hear our heavy batteries<br> +Pound you with imitation's purest flatteries.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Yet, at best, this is sorry comfort for the Kaiser.</p> + + +<p>It is not a picnic for the men in our front line. Reports +that the situation is "normal" or "quiet" or "uneventful" +represent more or less correctly what is happening at G.H.Q., +Divisional Headquarters, Brigade Headquarters, or even Battalion +Headquarters. They represent understatement to the <i>n</i><sup>th</sup> +when applied to the front trenches. But listen again to the +"Watch-dog." He admits that some of our diamonds are not +smooth, but adds "for myself I welcome every touch of nature +in these our warriors. It is good to be in the midst of them, +for they thrive as never before, and their comforts are few +enough these wet bloody days."</p> + +<p>The Crown Prince, after seven months of ineffective carnage +before Verdun, has been giving <a name="an_interview_to_an_American"></a>an interview to an American +ex-clergyman, representing the Hearst anti-British newspapers, +in which he appears in the light of a tender-hearted philanthropist, +longing for peace, mercy, and the delights of home-life. +Mr. Lloyd George, in an interview with an American +journalist, has <a name="defined_our_policy"></a>defined our policy as that of delivering a "knock +out" to Prussian military despotism, a pugilistic metaphor +which has wounded some of our Pacificists. Our Zeppelin bag +is growing; <a name="sworn_to_destroy_London"></a>Count Zeppelin has sworn to destroy London or +die, but now that John Bull is getting his eye in, the oath +savours of suicide.</p> + +<a name="THE_SUNLIGHT-LOSER"></a> +<center><img src="images/130.png" alt="THE SUNLIGHT-LOSER"></center> +<h4>THE SUNLIGHT-LOSER<br> +<br> +KAISER (as his sainted Grandfather's clock strikes three): "The +British are just putting their clocks back an hour. I wish I could +put ours back about three years."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Mr._Asquiths_appeal_to_the_traditions"></a>The Allies have presented an ultimatum to Greece, but Mr. +Asquith's appeal to the traditions of ancient Hellas is wasted +on King Constantine, who, if he had lived in the days of +Marathon and Salamis, would undoubtedly have been a pro-Persian. +As for his future, Mr. Punch ventures on a prediction:</p> + +<blockquote>Tino, if some day Hellas should arise<br> + A phoenix soaring from her present cinders,<br> +Think not to share her passage to the skies<br> + Or furnish purple copy for her Pindars;<br> +You'll be in exile, if you don't take care,<br> +Along with brother William, Lord knows where!<br></blockquote> + +<p>A couple of months ago, on the occasion of sharks appearing on the +Atlantic coast of the U.S.A., it was freely intimated at the fashionable +watering-places that there was such a thing as being too proud to bathe.<a name="coast_of_the_U.S.A."></a> +Now a new and untimely irritant has turned up off the same shores in the +shape of U-boats. Their advent is all the more inconsiderate in view of +the impending Presidential Election, at which Mr. Wilson's claim is +based on having kept America out of the War.</p> + +<a name="COMRADES_IN_VICTORY"></a> +<center><img src="images/131.png" alt="COMRADES IN VICTORY"></center> +<h4>COMRADES IN VICTORY<br> +<br> +Combles, September 26th<br> + +POILU: "Bravo, mon vieux!"<br> + +TOMMY: "Same to you, mate." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Members have +returned to St. +Stephen's refreshed +by seven +weeks' holiday, +and the Nationalists have been recruiting their energies, but unfortunately +nothing else, in <a name="Ireland"></a>Ireland. By way of signalising his +restoration, after an apology, Mr. Ginnell handed in +thirty-nine questions--the fruits of his enforced leisure. +The woes of the interned Sinn Feiners who have been +condemned to sleep in a disused distillery at Frongoch have +been duly brought forward and the House invited to declare that +"the system of government at present maintained in Ireland +is inconsistent with the principles for which the Allies are +fighting in Europe." The system of administration in Ireland +is, and always has been, inconsistent with any settled principles +whatsoever; but to propose such a motion now is equivalent +to affirming that Ireland is being treated by Great Britain as +Belgium and Poland and Serbia have been treated by Germany. +Mr. Redmond made no attempt to prove this absurd thesis, +but when he demanded that martial law should be withdrawn +and the interned rebels let loose in a Home-ruled Ireland--while +the embers of the rebellion were still dangerously +smouldering--he asked too much even of that amicable and +trustful beast, the British Lion. Mr. Duke is not exactly a +sparkling orator, but he said one thing which needed saying, +namely, that Irishmen ought to work out a scheme of Home +Rule for themselves, and lay it before Parliament, instead of +expecting Englishmen to do their work for them and then complaining +of the result. In the division-lobby the Nationalists +received the assistance of some forty or fifty British Members, +who supported the motion, Mr. Punch suspects, more out of +hatred of the Coalition than of love for Ireland. But they were +easily out-voted by British Home Rulers alone. The impression +left by the debate was that the Nationalist Members had a +great deal more sympathy with the Sinn Feiners than they had +with the innocent victims of the rebellion.</p> + +<center><img src="images/133.png" alt="MOTHER: "Come away, Jimmy! Maybe it ain't properly stuffed.""></center> +<h4>MOTHER: "Come away, Jimmy! Maybe it ain't properly stuffed."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The need of a War <a name="propaganda"></a>propaganda at home is illustrated +by the answers to correspondents in the <i>Leeds Mercury</i>. +"Reasonable questions" are invited, and here is one of the +answers: "T.B.--No, it is not General Sir William Robertson, +but the Rev. Sir William Robertson Nicoll who edits <i>The +British Weekly</i>." But then, as another journal pathetically +observes, "About nine-tenths of what we say is of no earthly +importance to anybody." Further light is thrown on this confession +by the claim of an Islington applicant for exemption: +"Once I was a circus clown, but now I am on an evening +newspaper."</p> + +<p>We are grateful to Russia for her efforts, but, as our artist +shows above, the plain person is apparently uncertain as to the +quality of our Ally.</p> + +<p><a name="LordMayorsbanquet"></a>We are glad to learn that, on the suggestion of Mr. Asquith, +the Lord Mayor's banquet will be "of a simple nature." +Apropos of diet, an officer expecting leave writes: "My London +programme is fixed; first a Turkish bath, and then a nice fried +sole." History repeats itself. A fried sole was the luxury +which officers who served in the Boer War declared that they +enjoyed most of all after their campaigning.</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="November1916"></a>November, 1916.</i></h2> + +<p><a name="Francis_Joseph_of_Austria"></a>Francis Joseph of Austria has died on the tottering +throne which has been his for nearly seventy years. In +early days he had been hated, but he had shown valour. +Later on he had shown wisdom, and had been pitied for his +misfortunes. It was a crowning irony of fate which condemned +him in old age to become the dupe and tool of an Assassin. +He should have died before the War--certainly before the +tragedy of Sarajevo.</p> + +<p>The <a name="British_Push_has_extended_to_the_Ancre"></a>British Push has extended to the Ancre, and the Crown +Prince, reduced to the position of a pawn in Hindenburg's +game, maintains a precarious hold on the remote suburbs of +Verdun. Well may he be sick, after nine months of futile +carnage, of a name which already ranks in renown with +Thermopylæ.</p> + +<p>As the credit of the Crown Prince wanes, so the cult of +Hindenburg waxes.</p> + +<a name="HINDENBURGITIS"></a> +<center><img src="images/134.png" alt="HINDENBURGITIS; OR, THE PRUSSIAN HOME MADE BEAUTIFUL"></center> +<h4>HINDENBURGITIS; OR, THE PRUSSIAN HOME MADE BEAUTIFUL</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Monastir_has_been_recaptured"></a>Monastir has been recaptured by the Serbians and French; +but Germany has had her victories too, and, continuing her +warfare against the Red Cross, has sunk <a name="two_hospital_ships"></a>two hospital ships. +Germany's U-boat policy is going to win her the War. At +least so Marshal Hindenburg says, and the view is shared by +that surprising person the neutral journalist. But in the meantime +it subjects the affections of the neutral sailorman to a +severe trial.</p> + +<p>King Constantine, however, remains unshaken in his +devotion to German interests. <a name="University_Professors"></a>He has also shown marked +originality by making up a Cabinet exclusively composed of +University Professors. But some critics scent in his action a +hint of compulsory Ministerial Service, and predict Labour +troubles.</p> + +<p><a name="Food_Control"></a>At home we have to note the steady set of the tide of public +opinion in favour of Food Control. The name of the Dictator +is not yet declared, but the announcement cannot be long +postponed. Whoever he may be, he is not to be envied. We +have also to note the steady growth on every side of +<a name="Government_bungalows"></a>Government bungalows--the haunts (if some critics are to be believed) of the +Great Uncombed, even of the Hidden Hand. The <a name="men_of_forty-one"></a>men of forty-one +were not wanted last March. Mr. Lloyd George tells +us that they are wanted now, or it would mean the loss of two +Army Corps. The Germans, by the way, appear to be arriving +at a just conception of their relative value. <a name="English_civilian_prisoners"></a>Lord Newton has +informed the Lords that the enemy is prepared to release 600 +English civilian prisoners in return for some 4,000 to 7,000 +Germans. Parliament has developed a new grievance: +Ministers have confided to Pressmen information denied to +M.P.'s. And a cruel wrong has been done to Erin, according +to Mr. Dillon, by the application of <a name="Greenwich_time"></a>Greenwich time to Ireland, +by which that country has been compelled to surrender its +precious privilege of being twenty-five minutes behind the +times. The injustice is so bitter that it has reconciled Mr. Dillon +and Mr. Healy.</p> + +<p><a name="Secret_Session"></a>The Premier has hinted that if the House insisted on having +fuller information than it receives at present another Secret Session +might be held. When one considers the vital problems +on which Parliament now concentrates its energies--the supply +of cocaine to dentists, the withholding of pictures of the Tanks, +etc.--one feels that there should be a Secret Session at least once +a week. Indeed, if the House were to sit permanently with +closed doors, unobserved and unreported, the country might be +all the better for it.</p> + +<a name="A_STRAIN_ON_THE_AFFECTIONS"></a> +<center><img src="images/136.png" alt="A STRAIN ON THE AFFECTIONS"></center> +<h4>A STRAIN ON THE AFFECTIONS<br> +<br> +NORWEGIAN (to Swede): "What--you here, too. I thought +you were a friend of Germany?"<br> + +SWEDE: "I was."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>It is the fashion in some quarters to make out that fathers +do not realise the sacrifice made by their sons, but complacently +acquiesce in it while they sit comfortably at home over the fire. +Mr. Punch has not met these fathers. The fathers--and still +more the mothers--that he knows recognise only too well the +unpayable nature of their debt.</p> + +<blockquote>They held, against the storms of fate,<br> + In war's tremendous game,<br> +A little land inviolate<br> + Within a world of flame.<br> +<br> +They looked on scarred and ruined lands,<br> + On shell-wrecked fields forlorn,<br> +And gave to us, with open hands,<br> + Full fields of yellow corn;<br> +<br> +The silence wrought in wood and stone<br> + Whose aisles our fathers trod;<br> +The pines that stand apart, alone,<br> + Like sentinels of God.<br> +<br> +With generous hands they paid the price,<br> + Unconscious of the cost,<br> +But we must gauge the sacrifice<br> + By all that they have lost.<br> +<br> +The joy of young adventurous ways,<br> + Of keen and undimmed sight,<br> +The eager tramp through sunny days,<br> + The dreamless sleep of night,<br> +<br> +The happy hours that come and go,<br> + In youth's untiring quest,<br> +They gave, because they willed it so,<br> + With some light-hearted jest.<br> +<br> +No lavish love of future years,<br> + No passionate regret,<br> +No gift of sacrifice or tears<br> + Can ever pay the debt.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Yet if ever you try to express this indebtedness to the +wonderful young men who survive, they turn the whole thing +into a jest and tell you, for example, that only two things really +interest them, "Europe and their stomachs"--nothing in +between matters.</p> + +<center><img src="images/138.png" alt="PAT (examining fare)"></center> +<h4>PAT (examining fare): "May the divil destroy the Germans!"<br> + +SUB: "Well, they don't do you much harm, anyway. You don't get near +enough to 'em."<br> + +PAT: "Do they not, thin? Have they not kilt all the half-crown officers and left nothing but the shillin' ones?"</h4> +<br><br> + <a name="Defence_of_the_Realm_Act"></a> +<p>Guy Fawkes Day has come and gone without fireworks, +pursuant to the Defence of the Realm Act. Even Parliament +omitted to sit. Apropos of Secret Sessions, Lord Northcliffe has +been accused of having had one all to himself and some five +hundred other gentlemen at a club luncheon. The <i>Daily Mail</i> describes the debate on the subject as a "gross waste of time," +which seems to come perilously near <i>lèse-majesté!</i> But then, as +a writer in the <i>Evening News</i>--another Northcliffe paper--safely +observes, "It is the failing of many people to say what +they think without thinking."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="December1916"></a>December, 1916</i>.</h2> + +<p>Rumania has unhappily given Germany the chance of a +cheap and spectacular triumph--of which, after being +badly pounded on the Somme, she was sorely in need. +Here was a comparatively small nation, whom the Germans +could crush under their heel as they had crushed Belgium and +Serbia. So in Rumania they concentrated all the men they +could spare from other fronts and put them under their best +generals. Their first plans were thwarted, but eventually the +big guns had their way and <a name="Bukarest_fell"></a>Bukarest fell. Then, after the usual +display of bunting and joy-bells in Berlin, was the moment to +make a noble offer of peace. The German <a name="peace_overtures"></a>peace overtures remind +one of Mr. Punch's correspondents of the American +advertisement: "If John Robinson, with whose wife I eloped +six months ago, will take her back, all will be forgiven."</p> + +<p>The shadowy proposals of those who preach humanity while +they practise unrestricted frightfulness have not deceived the +Allies. They know, and have let the enemy know, that they +must go on until they have made sure of an enduring peace by +reducing the Central Empires to impotence for evil.</p> + +<p>When Mr. Asquith announced in the House on December 4 +the King's approval of Reconstruction, few Members guessed that +in twenty-four hours he would have <a name="ceased_to_be_Prime_Minister"></a>ceased to be Prime Minister +and that Mr. Lloyd George would have begun Cabinet-making. +There has been much talk of intrigue. But John Bull doesn't +care who leads the country so long as he leads it to victory. +And as for Certain People Somewhere in France, we shall +probably not be far wrong in interpreting their view of the +present change as follows:</p> + +<blockquote>Thank God, we keep no politicians here;<br> + Fighting's our game, not talking; all we ask<br> +Is men and means to face the coming year<br> + And consummate our task.<br> +<br> +Give us the strongest leaders you can find,<br> + Tory or Liberal, not a toss care we,<br> +So they are swift to act and know their mind<br> + Too well to wait and see.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="THE_RETURN_OF_THE_MOCK_TURTLE-DOVE"></a> +<center><img src="images/140.png" alt="THE RETURN OF THE MOCK TURTLE-DOVE"></center> +<h4>THE RETURN OF THE MOCK TURTLE-DOVE</h4><br> + +<table align="center" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> +<tbody> +<tr><th align="left">KAISER</th><th align="left">}</th><th align="center"></th></tr> +<tr><th></th><th align="left">}</th><th align="center">(breathlessly): "Well?"</th></tr> +<tr><th align="left">BETHMANN-HOLLWEG</th><th align="left">}</th><th align="center"></th></tr> +</tbody></table> + +<br> +<h4>THE BIRD: "Wouldn't even look at me!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Press_Campaign"></a>The ultimate verdict on Mr. Asquith's services to the State +as Prime Minister for the first two and a half years of the +War will not be founded on the Press Campaign which has +helped to secure his downfall. But, as one of the most bitterly +and unjustly assailed ex-Ministers has said, "personal reputations +must wait till the end of the War." Meanwhile, we have +a Premier who, whatever his faults, cannot be charged with +supineness.</p> + +<a name="THE_NEW_CONDUCTOR"></a> +<center><img src="images/141.png" alt="THE NEW CONDUCTOR"></center> +<h4>THE NEW CONDUCTOR<br> +<br> +Opening of the 1917 Overture</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Mr. Bonar Law, the <a name="new_Leader_of_the_House"></a>new Leader of the House, has made his +first appearance as Chancellor of the Exchequer. <a name="daily_cost_of_the_War"></a>Moving a +further Vote of Credit for 400 millions, he disclosed the fact +that the daily cost of the War was nearer six than five millions. +In regard to the peace proposals he found himself unable to +better the late Prime Minister's statement that the Allies would +require "adequate reparation for the past and adequate security +for the future." In lucidity and dignity of statement Mr. +Asquith was certainly above criticism. <a name="Lord_Devonport"></a>Lord Devonport has +been appointed Food Controller and warned us of rigours to +come. The <a name="most_thrilling_speech"></a>most thrilling speech heard at Westminster this +month has been that of Major Willie Redmond, fresh from the +invigorating atmosphere of the front. While some seventy odd +Nationalist Members are mainly occupied in brooding over +Ireland's woes, two are serving in the trenches--William +Redmond and Stephen Gwynn, both of them middle-aged men. +<i>O si sic omnes</i>!</p> + +<p>Our wounded need all their patience to put up with the +curiosity of non-combatants. A lady, after asking a Tommy +on leave what the stripes on his arm were for, being told that +they were one for each time he was wounded, is reported to +have observed, "Dear me! How extraordinary that you should +be wounded three times in the same place!" Even real affection +is not always happily expressed.</p> + + +<center><img src="images/142.png" alt=""Have you brought me any souvenirs?""></center> +<h4>"Have you brought me any souvenirs?"<br> +"Only this little bullet that the doctor took out of my side."<br> +"I wish it had been a German helmet."<br></h4> +<br><br> + +<p>The <a name="tenderness"></a>tenderness with which King Constantine is still treated, +even after the <a name="riot_in_Athens"></a>riot in Athens in which our bluejackets have +been badly mishandled, is taxing the patience of moderate men. +Mr. Punch, for example, exasperated by the cumulative effect of +Tino's misdeeds, has been goaded into making a formidable +forecast of surrender or exit:</p> + +<blockquote>You say your single aim is just to use<br> + Your regal gifts for your beloved nation;<br> +Why, then, I see the obvious line to choose,<br> + Meaning, of course, the path of abdication;<br> +Make up your so-called mind--I frankly would--<br> +To leave your country for your country's good.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="funeral_of_the_late_Emperor_Francis_Joseph"></a>The German Emperor was prevented from being present at +the funeral of the late Emperor Francis Joseph by a chill. One +is tempted to think that in a lucid interval of self-criticism +William of Hohenzollern may have wished to spare his aged +victim this crowning mockery.</p> + +<p>Motto for <a name="Meatless_Days"></a>Meatless Days: "The time is out of joint." This +is a <i>raison de plus</i> for establishing an <i>Entente</i> in the kitchen and getting Marianne to show Britannia how to cook a cabbage.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="January1917"></a>January, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>Though the chariots of War still drive heavily, 1917 +finds the Allies in good heart--"war-weary but war-hardened." +The <a name="long_agony_of_Verdun"></a>long agony of Verdun has ended in +triumph for the French, and Great Britain has answered the +Peace Talk of Berlin by calling a <a name="War_Conference"></a>War Conference of the +Empire. The New Year has brought us a new Prime +Minister, a new Cabinet, a new style of Minister. Captains +of Commerce are diverted from their own business for the +benefit of the country. In spite of all rumours to the contrary +Lord Northcliffe remains outside the new Government, but his +interest in it is, at present, friendly. It is very well understood, +however, that everyone must behave. And in this context Mr. +Punch feels that a tribute is due to the outgoing Premier. +Always reserved and intent, he discouraged Press gossip to +such a degree as actually to have turned the key on the Tenth +Muse. Interviewers had no chance. He came into office, held +it and left it without a single concession to Demos' love of +personalia.</p> + +<a name="THE_DAWN_OF_DOUBT"></a> +<center><img src="images/144.png" alt="THE DAWN OF DOUBT"></center> +<h4>THE DAWN OF DOUBT<br> +<br> +GRETCHEN: "I wonder if this gentleman really is my good angel +after all!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Germany has not yet changed her Chancellor, though he is +being bitterly attacked for his "silly ideas of humanity"--and +her rulers have certainly shown no change of heart. General +von Bissing's <a name="retirement_from_Belgium"></a>retirement from Belgium is due to health, not +repentance. The Kaiser still <a name="talksofhisconscience"></a>talks of his "conscience" and +"courage" in freeing the world from the pressure which +weighs upon all. He is still the same Kaiser and Constantine +the same "Tino," who, as the <i>Berliner Tageblatt</i> bluntly +remarks, "has as much right to be heard as a common +criminal." Yet signs are not wanting of misgivings in the +German people.</p> + +<p>Mr. Wilson has launched <a name="a_new_phrase"></a>a new phrase on the world--"Peace +without Victory"; but War is not going to be +ended by phrases, and the man who is doing more than anyone +else to end it--the British infantryman--has no use for +them:</p> + +<blockquote>The gunner rides on horseback, he lives in luxury,<br> +The sapper has his dug-out as cushy as can be,<br> +The flying man's a sportsman, but his home's a long way back,<br> +In painted tent or straw-spread barn or cosy little shack;<br> +Gunner and sapper and flying man (and each to his job say I)<br> +Have tickled the Hun with mine or gun or bombed him from on high,<br> +But the quiet work, and the dirty work, since ever the War began,<br> +Is the work that never shows at all, the work of the infantryman.<br> +<br> +The guns can pound the villages and smash the trenches in,<br> +And the Hun is fain for home again when the T.M.B.s begin,<br> +And the Vickers gun is a useful one to sweep a parapet,<br> +But the real work is the work that's done with bomb and bayonet.<br> +Load him down from heel to crown with tools and grub and kit,<br> +He's always there where the fighting is--he's there unless he's hit;<br> +Over the mud and the blasted earth he goes where the living can;<br> +He's in at the death while he yet has breath, the British infantryman!<br> +<br> +Trudge and slip on the shell-hole's lip, and fall in the clinging mire--<br> +Steady in front, go steady! Close up there! Mind the wire!<br> +Double behind where the pathways wind! Jump clear of the ditch, jump clear!<br> +Lost touch at the back? Oh, halt in front! And duck when the shells come near!<br> +Carrying parties all night long, all day in a muddy trench,<br> +With your feet in the wet and your head in the rain and the sodden khaki's stench!<br> +Then over the top in the morning, and onward all you can--<br> +This is the work that wins the War, the work of the infantryman.<br></blockquote> + +<p>And if anyone should think that this means the permanent +establishment of militarism in our midst let him be comforted +by the saying of an old sergeant-major when asked to give a +character of one of his men. "He's a good man in the trenches, +and a good man in a scrap; but you'll never make a soldier of +him." The new armies fight all the harder because they want +to make an end not of this war but of all wars. As for the +regulars, there is no need to enlarge on their valour.<a name="officersservant"></a> But it is +pleasant to put on record the description of an officer's servant +which has reached Mr. Punch from France: "Valet, cook, +porter, boots, chamber-maid, ostler, carpenter, upholsterer, +mechanic, inventor, needlewoman, coalheaver, diplomat, +barber, linguist (home-made), clerk, universal provider, complete +pantechnicon and infallible bodyguard, he is also a +soldier, if a very old soldier, and a man of the most human +kind."</p> + +<p>Parliament is not sitting, but there is, unfortunately, no +truth in the report that in order to provide billets for 5,000 new +typists and incidentally to win the War, the Government has +commandeered the Houses of Parliament. The <i>Times Literary +Supplement</i> received 335 books of original verse in 1916, and it +is rumoured that Mr. Edward Marsh may very shortly take up +his duties as Minister of Poetry and the Fine Arts. Mr. Marsh +has not yet decided whether he will appoint Mr. Asquith or +Mr. Winston Churchill as his private secretary. Meanwhile, +a full list of the private secretaries of the new private secretaries +of the members of the new Government may at any moment be +disclosed to a long suffering public.</p> + +<p>On the Home Front the situation shows that a famous +literary critic was also a true prophet:</p> + +<blockquote>O Matthew Arnold! You were right:<br> +We need more Sweetness and more Light;<br> +For till we break the brutal foe,<br> +Our sugar's short, our lights are low.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The <a name="domestic_problem"></a>domestic problem daily grows more acute. A maid, +who asked for a rise in her wages to which her mistress +demurred, explained that the gentleman she walked out with +had just got a job in a munition factory and she would be +obliged to dress up to him.</p> + +<center><img src="images/147.png" alt="COOK (who, after interview with prospective mistress, is going to think it over)"></center> +<h4>COOK (who, after interview with prospective mistress, is going to think it over): +"'Ullo! Prambilator! If you'd told me you 'ad children I needn't have troubled +meself to 'ave come."<br> + +THE PROSPECTIVE MISTRESS: " Oh! B-but if you think the place would otherwise +suit you, I dare say we could board the children out."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Maids are human, however, though their <a name="psychology"></a>psychology is +sometimes disconcerting. One who was told by her mistress +not to worry because her young man had gone into the trenches +responded cheerfully, "Oh, no, ma'am, I've left off worrying +now. He can't walk out with anyone else while he's there."</p> + +<a name="THE_RECRUIT_WHO_TOOK_TO_IT_KINDLY"></a> +<center><img src="images/148.png" alt="THE RECRUIT WHO TOOK TO IT KINDLY"></center> +<h4>THE RECRUIT WHO TOOK TO IT KINDLY</h4> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="February1917"></a>February, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>The rulers of Germany--the Kaiser and his War-lords--proclaimed +themselves the enemies of the human race in +the first weeks of the War. But it has taken two years +and a half to break down the apparently inexhaustible patience +of the greatest of the neutrals. A year and three-quarters has +elapsed since the sinking of the <i>Lusitania</i>. The forbearance of +President Wilson--in the face of accumulated insults, interference +in the internal politics of the United States, the promotion +of strikes and <i>sabotage</i> by the agents of Count +Bernstorff--has exposed him to hard and even bitter criticism +from his countrymen. Perhaps he over-estimated the strength +of the German-American and Pacificist elements. But his +difficulties are great, and his long suffering diplomacy has at +least this merit, that if America enters the War it will be as a +united people. Germany's decision to resort to unrestricted +submarine warfare on February 1 is the last straw: now even +<a name="Mr._Henry_Ford"></a>Mr. Henry Ford has offered to place his works at the disposal +of the American authorities.</p> + +<p>Day by day we read long lists of merchant vessels sunk by +U-boats, and while the Admiralty's reticence on the progress +of the anti-submarine campaign is legitimate and necessary, +the withholding of statistics of new construction does not make +for optimism. Victory will be ours, but not without effort. The +great crisis of the War is not passed. That has been the burden +of all the speeches at the opening of Parliament from the +King's downward.</p> + +<p>Lord Curzon, who declared that we were now approaching +"the supreme and terrible climax of the War," has spoken of +the late Duke of Norfolk as a man "diffident about powers +which were in excess of the ordinary." Is not that true of the +British race as a whole? Only now, under the stress of a +long-drawn-out conflict, is it discovering the variety and strength of +its latent forces. <a name="Mesopotamia"></a>The tide is turning rapidly in Mesopotamia. +<a name="Kut"></a>General Maude, who never failed to inspire the men under his +command on the Western front with a fine offensive spirit, has +already justified his appointment by capturing Kut, and starting +on a great drive towards Baghdad.</p> + +<a name="THE_LAST_THROW"></a> +<center><img src="images/150.png" alt="THE LAST THROW"></center> +<h4>THE LAST THROW</h4> +<br><br> +<p>On the <a name="Salonika_front"></a>Salonika front, to quote from one of Mr. Punch's +ever-increasing staff of correspondents, "all our prospects are +pleasing and only Bulgar vile." On the Western front the +British have taken <a name="Grandcourt"></a>Grandcourt, and our "Mudlarks," encamped +on an ocean of ooze, preserve a miraculous equanimity in spite +of the attention of rats and cockroaches and the vagaries of +the transport mule.</p> + +<a name="HEAD_OF_GOVERNMENT_DEPARTMENT"></a> +<center><img src="images/151.png" alt="HEAD OF GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT (in his private room in recently commandeered +hotel): "Boy! Bring some more coal!""></center> +<h4>HEAD OF GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT (in his private room in recently commandeered +hotel): "Boy! Bring some more coal!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>At home the commandeering of hotels to house the new +Ministries proceeds apace, and a request from an inquiring peer +for a comprehensive return of all the buildings requisitioned +and the staffs employed has been declined on the ground that +to provide it would put too great a strain on officials engaged +on work essential to winning the War.</p> + +<p>The criticisms on the late Cabinet for its bloated size have +certainly not led to any improvement in this respect, and one +of the late Ministers has complained that the Administration +has been further magnified until, if all its members, including +under-secretaries, were present, they would fill not one but +three Treasury Benches. Already this is a much congested +district at question-time and the daily scene of a great push. +Up to the present there are, however, only thirty-three actual +Ministers of the Crown, and their salaries only amount to the +trifle of £133,000. The setting up of a<a name="War_Cabinet"></a> War Cabinet, "a body +utterly unknown to the law," has excited the resentment of +Mr. Swift MacNeill, whose reverence for the Constitution (save +in so far as it applies to Ireland) knows no bounds; and Mr. +Lynch has expressed the view that it would be a good idea if +Ireland were specially represented at the Peace Conference, in +order that her delegates might assert her right to self-government.</p> + +<p>England, in February, 1917, seems to deserve the title of "the +great Loan Land." Amateurs of anagrams have found satisfaction in +the identity of "Bonar Law" with "War Loan B." As a +cynic has remarked, "in the midst of life we are in debt." But +the champions of national economy are not happy. The staff of the new +Pensions Minister, it is announced, will be over two thousand. It is +still hoped, however, that there may be a small surplus which can be +devoted to the needs of disabled soldiers. Our great warriors are in +danger of being swamped by our small but innumerable officials.</p> + +<a name="A_PLAIN_DUTY"></a> +<center><img src="images/152.png" alt="A PLAIN DUTY"></center> +<h4>A PLAIN DUTY<br> +<br> +"Well, good-bye, old chap, and good luck! I'm +going in here to do my bit, the best way I can. The +more everybody scrapes together for the War Loan, +the sooner you'll be back from the trenches."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="The_older_Universities"></a>The older Universities, given over for two years to +wounded soldiers and a handful of physically unfit or coloured +undergraduates, are regaining a semblance of life by the +housing of cadet battalions in some colleges. The Rhodes +scholars have all joined up, and normal academic life is still in +abeyance:</p> + +<blockquote>In Tom his Quad the Bloods no longer flourish;<br> + Balliol is bare of all but mild Hindoos;<br> +The stalwart oars that Isis used to nourish<br> + Are in the trenches giving Fritz the Blues,<br> + And many a stout D.D.<br> +Is digging trenches with the V.T.C.<br></blockquote> + +<center><img src="images/153.png" alt="The Brothers Tingo, who are exempted from military service, do their bit by helping to train ladies who are going on the land."></center> +<h4>The Brothers Tingo, who are exempted from military service, do their bit by helping to train ladies who are going on the land.</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="visited_the_front"></a>It is true that Mr. Bernard Shaw has visited the front. No +reason is assigned for this rash act, and too little has been +made of the fact that he wore khaki just like an ordinary +person. <a name="licensed_as_taxi-drivers"></a>Amongst other signs of the times we note that women +are to be licensed as taxi-drivers:</p> + +<blockquote>War has taught the truth that shines<br> +Through the poet's noble lines:<br> +" Common are to either sex<br> +<i>Artifex and opifex</i>."<br></blockquote> + +<p>A new danger is involved in the spread of the Army +<a name="Signalling_Alphabet"></a>Signalling Alphabet. The names of Societies are threatened. +The dignity of Degrees is menaced by a code which converts +B.A. into Beer Ack. Initials are no longer sacred, and the +great T.P. will become Toc Pip O'Connor, unless some Emma +Pip introduces a Bill to prevent the sacrilege.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="March1917"></a><i>March, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<a name="end_of_Tsardom"></a> +<p>With the end of Tsardom in Russia, <a name="the_fall_of_Baghdad"></a>the fall of Baghdad, +and the strategic <a name="retreat_of_Hindenburg"></a>retreat of Hindenburg on the Western +front, all crowded into one month, March fully maintains +its reputation for making history at the expense of Caesars +and Kaisers. It seems only the other day when the Tsar's +assumption of the title of Generalissimo lent new strength to +the legend of the "Little Father." <a name="Rasputin"></a>But the forces of "unholy +Russia"--Pro-German Ministers and the sinister figure of Rasputin--have +combined to his undoing, and now none is so +poor to do him reverence. In the House of Commons everybody +seems pleased, including Mr. Devlin, who has been quite statesmanlike +in his appreciation, and the Prime Minister, in one of +his angelic visits to the House, evoked loud cheers by describing +the Revolution as one of the landmarks in the history of the +world. But no one noticed that Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman's +outburst in 1906, just after the dissolution of +Russia's first elected Parliament: "<i>La Duma est morte; vive +la Duma</i>! " has now been justified by the event--at any rate +for the moment, for Revolutions are rich in surprises and reactions. +The capture of Baghdad inspires no misgivings, except +in the bosoms of Nationalist members, who detect in the +manifesto issued by General Maude fresh evidences of British +hypocrisy.</p> + +<p>The fleet of <a name="Dutch_merchantmen"></a>Dutch merchantmen, which has been sunk by +a waiting submarine, sailed under a German guarantee of "relative +security." Germany is so often misunderstood. It +should be obvious by this time that her attitude to International +Law has always been one of approximate reverence. The shells +with which she bombarded Rheims Cathedral were contingent +shells, and the <i>Lusitania</i> was sunk by a relative torpedo. +Neutrals all over the world, who are smarting just now under +a fresh manifestation of Germany's respective goodwill, should +try to realise before they take any action what is the precise +situation of our chief enemy: He has (relatively) won the War; +he has (virtually) broken the resistance of the Allies; he has +(conditionally) ample supplies for his people; in particular he +is (morally) rich in potatoes. His finances at first sight appear +to be pretty heavily involved, but that soon will be adjusted +by (hypothetical) indemnities; he has enormous (proportional) +reserves of men; he has (theoretically) blockaded Great Britain, +and his final victory is (controvertibly) at hand. But his most +impressive argument, which cannot fail to come home to +hesitating Neutrals, is to be found in his latest exhibition of +offensive power, namely, in his (putative) advance--upon the +Ancre.</p> + +<p>A grave statement made by the Under-Secretary for War as +to the<a name="recent_losses"></a> recent losses of the Royal Flying Corps on the Western +front and the <a name="increased_activity_of_the_German_airmen"></a>increased activity of the German airmen has +created some natural depression. The command of the +air fluctuates, but the spirit of our airmen is a sure earnest +that the balance will be redressed in our favour. Mr. Punch +has already paid his tribute to the British infantryman. Let +him now do his homage to the heroes whose end is so often +disguised under the laconic announcement: "One of our +machines did not return."</p> + +<a name="ALSO_RAN"></a> +<center><img src="images/156.png" alt="ALSO RAN"></center> +<h4>ALSO RAN<br> +<br> +WILHELM: "Are you luring them on, like me?"<br> +MEHMED: "I'm afraid I am!"</h4> +<br><br> +<blockquote>I like to think it did not fall to earth,<br> + A wounded bird that trails a broken wing,<br> +But to the heavenly blue that gave it birth,<br> + Faded in silence, a mysterious thing,<br> +Cleaving its radiant course where honour lies<br> +Like a winged victory mounting to the skies.<br> +<br> +The clouds received it, and the pathless night;<br> + Swift as a flame, its eager force unspent,<br> +We saw no limit to its daring flight;<br> + Only its pilot knew the way it went,<br> +And how it pierced the maze of flickering stars<br> +Straight to its goal in the red planet Mars.<br> +<br> +So to the entrance of that fiery gate,<br> + Borne by no current, driven by no breeze,<br> +Knowing no guide but some compelling fate,<br> + Bold navigators of uncharted seas,<br> +Courage and youth went proudly sweeping by,<br> +To win the unchallenged freedom of the sky.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Parliament has been occupied with many matters, from the +Report of the <a name="Dardanelles_Commission"></a>Dardanelles Commission to the grievances of +Scots bee-keepers. The woes of Ireland have not been forgotten, +and the Nationalists have been busily engaged in getting +Home Rule out of cold storage. Hitherto every attempt of the +British Sisyphus to roll the Stone of Destiny up the Hill of +Tara has found a couple of Irishmen at the top ready to roll +it down again. Let us hope that this time they will co-operate +to install it there as the throne of a loyal and united Ireland. +Believers in the "Hidden Hand " have been on the war-path, +and as a result of prolonged discussion as to the responsibility +for the failure of the effort to force the Dardanelles, the House +is evidently of opinion that Lord Fisher might now be let alone +by foes and friends. The idea of blaming <i>Queen Elisabeth</i> +for the fiasco is so entirely satisfactory to all parties concerned +that one wonders why the Commission couldn't have thought +of that itself.</p> + +<a name="THE_INFECTIOUS_HORNPIPE"></a> +<table align="center" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> +<tbody> +<tr><td align="center"><img src="images/158a.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td></tr> +</tbody></table> +<table align="center"><tbody> +<tr><td align="center"><img src="images/158b1.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td><td align="center"><img src="images/158b2.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td><td align="center"><img src="images/158b3.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td></tr> +<tr><td align="center">THE PETTY OFFICER</td><td align="center">THE ARTIFICER</td><td align="center">THE MIDSHIPMATE</td></tr> +<tr><td align="center"><img src="images/158c1.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td><td align="center"><img src="images/158c2.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td><td align="center"><img src="images/158c3.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td></tr> +<tr><td align="center">THE SUB LIEUTENANT</td><td align="center">THE LIEUTENANT</td><td align="center">THE FLEET SURGEON</td></tr> +<tr><td align="center"><img src="images/158d1.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td><td align="center"><img src="images/158d2.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td><td align="center"><img src="images/158d3.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td></tr> +<tr><td align="center">THE ENGINEER</td><td align="center">THE COMMANDER</td><td align="center">THE CAPTAIN</td></tr> +</tbody></table> +<table align="center"><tbody> +<tr><td align="center"><img src="images/158e.png" alt="THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE"></td></tr> +<tr><td align="center">THE ADMIRAL</td></tr> +</tbody></table> +<h4>THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE</h4> + + + + + +<br><br> +<p><a name="Mr._Bernard_Shaw"></a>Mr. Bernard Shaw, returned from his "joy-ride" at the Front, +has declared that "there is no monument more enduring than +brass"; the general feeling, however, is that there is a kind +of brass that is beyond enduring. Armageddon is justified +since it has given him a perfectly glorious time. He is obliged, +in honesty, to state that the style of some of the buildings +wrecked by the Germans was quite second rate. He entered +and emerged from the battle zone without any vulgar emotion; +remaining immune from pity, sorrow, or tears. In short:</p> + +<blockquote>He went through the fiery furnace, but never a hair was missed<br> +From the heels of our most colossal Arch-Super-Egotist.<br></blockquote> + +<p>According to the latest news from Sofia, 35,000 Bulgarian +geese are to be allowed to go to Germany. As in the case of +the Bulgarian Fox who went to Vienna, there appears to be +little likelihood that they will ever return.</p> + +<a name="FOOD_RESTRICTION"></a> +<center><img src="images/159.png" alt="FOOD RESTRICTION"></center> +<h4>FOOD RESTRICTION<br> +<br> +SCENE: HOTEL.<br> + +LITTLE GIRL: "Oh, Mummy! They've given me a dirty plate."<br> + +MOTHER: "Hush, darling. That's the soup."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Apropos of food supplies, Lord Devonport has developed a +sense of judicial humour, having approved a <a name="new_dietary"></a>new dietary for +prisoners, under which the bread ration will be cut down to +63 ounces per week, or just one ounce less than the allowance of +the free and independent Englishman. The latest morning +greeting is now: "<i>Comment vous Devonportez-vous?</i>"</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="April1917"></a><i>April, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>Once more the rulers of Germany have failed to read the +soul of another nation. They thought there was no +limit to America's forbearance, and they thought wrong. +<a name="America_is_now_all_in"></a>America is now "all in" on the side of the Allies. The Stars +and Stripes and the Union Jack are flying side by side over +the Houses of Parliament. On the motion introduced in both +Houses to welcome our new Ally, Mr. Bonar Law, paraphrasing +Canning, declared that the New World had stepped in to redress +the balance of the old; Mr. Asquith, with a fellow-feeling, no +doubt, lauded the patience which had enabled President Wilson +to carry with him a united nation; and Lord Curzon quoted +Bret Harte. The memory of some unfortunate phrases is +obliterated by the President's historic message to Congress, +and his stirring appeal to his countrymen to throw their entire +weight into the Allied scale. The War, physically as well as +morally, is now <i>Germania contra Mundum</i>. Yet, while we hail +the advent of a powerful and determined Ally, there is no +disposition to throw up our hats. The raw material of manpower +in America is magnificent in numbers and quality, but +it has to be equipped and trained and brought across the +Atlantic. Many months, perhaps a whole year, must elapse +before its weight can be felt on the battle front. The transport +of a million men over submarine-infested seas is no easy task. +But while we must wait for the coming of the Americans on +land, their help in patrolling the seas may be counted on +speedily.</p> + +<p>The British have entered <a name="PĂ©ronne"></a>PĂ©ronne; the Canadians have +captured Vimy Ridge. But the full extent of German +frightfulness has never been so clearly displayed as in their +retreat. Here, for once, the German account of their own doings +is true. "In the course of these last months great stretches +of <a name="French_territory"></a>French territory have been turned by us into a dead country. +It varies in width from 10 to 12 or 13 kilometres, and extends +along the whole of our new positions. No village or farm was +left standing, no road was left passable, no railway track or +embankment was left in being. Where once were woods, there +are gaunt rows of stumps; the wells have been blown up.... +In front of our new positions runs, like a gigantic ribbon, our +Empire of Death" (<i>Lokal Anzeiger</i>, March 18, 1917). The +general opinion of the Boche among the British troops is that +he is only good at one thing, and that is destroying other +people's property. One of Mr. Punch's correspondents writes +to say that while the flattened villages and severed fruit trees +are a gruesome spectacle, for him "all else was forgotten in +speechless admiration of the French people.</p> + +<center><img src="images/161.png" alt="THE NEW-COMER: "My village, I think?""></center> +<h4>THE NEW-COMER: "My village, I think?"<br> + +THE ONE IN POSSESSION: "Sorry, old thing; I took it half-an-hour ago." +</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="SWOOPING_FROM_THE_WEST"></a> +<center><img src="images/162.png" alt="SWOOPING FROM THE WEST"></center> +<h4>SWOOPING FROM THE WEST<br> +<br> +(<i>It is the intention of our new Ally to assist us in the patrolling +of the Atlantic</i>.)</h4> +<br><br> +<p>"Their self-restraint and adaptability are beyond words. +These hundreds of honest people, just relieved from the +domineering of the Master Swine, and restored to their own +good France again, were neither hysterical nor exhausted."<a name="Hunding"></a> The +names of the new German lines--Wotan and Siegfried and +Hunding--are not without significance. We accept the omen: +it will not be long before we hear of fresh German activities +in the <i>Götterdämmerung</i> line. <a name="Reventlow"></a>Count Reventlow has informed +the Kaiser that without victory a continuation of the Monarchy +is improbable. The "repercussion" of Revolution is making +itself felt. Even the <a name="Crown_Prince_is_reported"></a>Crown Prince is reported to have felt +misgivings as to the infection of anti-monarchial ideas, and +Mr. Punch is moved to forecast possibilities of upheaval:</p> + +<blockquote>Not that the Teuton's stolid wits<br> + Are built to plan so rude a plot;<br> +Somehow I cannot picture Fritz<br> + Careering as a <i>sans-culotte</i>;<br> +Schooled to obedience, hand and heart,<br> + I can imagine nothing odder<br> +Than such behaviour on the part<br> + Of inoffensive cannon-fodder.<br> +<br> +And yet one never really knows.<br> + You cannot feed his massive trunk<br> +On fairy tales of beaten foes,<br> + Or Hindenburg's "victorious" bunk;<br> +And if his rations run too short<br> + Through this accursed British blockade,<br> +Even the worm may turn and sport<br> + A revolutionary cockade.<br></blockquote> + +<p>On the German Roll of Dishonour this month appears the +name of one who has been <i>grande et conspicuum nostro quoque +tempore monstrum</i>. Baron Moritz Ferdinand <a name="von_Bissing"></a>von Bissing, the +German Military Governor-General of Belgium, who was largely +responsible for the murder of Nurse Cavell and the chief instigator +of the infamous Belgian deportations, after being granted +a rest from his labours, is reported to have died "of overwork." +Here for once we find ourselves in perfect agreement with the +official German view. In a recent character sketch of the deceased +Baron, the <i>Cologne Gazette</i> observed, "He is a fine +musician, and his execution was good." It would have been.</p> + +<p>The proceedings in Parliament do not call for extended +comment. Mr. Asquith has handsomely recanted his +<a name="hostility_to_womens_suffrage"></a>hostility to women's suffrage, admitting that by their splendid services +in the war women have worked out their own electoral salvation. +An old spelling-book used to tell us that "it is agreeable to +watch the unparalleled embarrassment of a harassed pedlar when +gauging the symmetry of a peeled pear." Lord Devonport, +occupied in deciding on the exact architecture and decoration +of the Bath bun (official sealed pattern), would make a companion +picture. For the rest the House has been occupied +with the mysteries of combing and re-combing. The best War +saying of the month was that of Mr. Swift MacNeill, in reference +to proposed +peace overtures, +that it would be +time enough to +talk about peace +when the Germans +ceased to +blow up hospital +ships.</p> + +<a name="DYNASTIC_AMENITIES"></a> +<center><img src="images/164.png" alt="DYNASTIC AMENITIES"></center> +<h4>DYNASTIC AMENITIES<br> +<br> +LITTLE WILLIE (of Prussia): "As one Crown Prince to +another, isn't your Hindenburg line getting a bit shaky?"<br> + +RUPPRECHT (of Bavaria): "Well, as one Crown Prince +to another, what about your Hohenzollern line?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Although the streets may have been sweetened by the <a name="absence_of_posters"></a>absence of posters, +days will come, it must be remembered, when we shall badly miss +them. It goes painfully to one's heart to think that the embargo, if it +is ever lifted, will not be lifted in time for most of the events which +we all most desire -events that clamour to be recorded in the largest +black type, such as "Strasbourg French Again," "Flight of +the Crown Prince," "Revolution in Germany," "The +Kaiser a Captive," and last and best of all, "Peace." But +Mr. Punch, with many others, has no sympathy to spare for the sorrows of +the headline artist deprived for the time being of his chief opportunity +of scaremongering.</p> + +<p>In the competition of heroism and self-sacrifice the prize must +fall to the young--to the Tommy and the Second Lieutenant +before all. Yet a very good mark is due to the <a name="retired_Admirals"></a>retired Admirals +who have accepted commissions in the R.N.R., and are mine-sweeping +or submarine-hunting in command of trawlers. Yes, +"Captain Dug-out, R.N.R.," is a fine disproof of <i>si vieillesse +pouvait</i>.</p> + +<center><img src="images/165.png" alt="TORPEDOED MINE-SWEEPER (to his pal)"></center> +<h4>TORPEDOED MINE-SWEEPER (to his pal): " As I was +a-saying, Bob, when we was interrupted, it's my belief as 'ow the submarine blokes ain't on 'arf as risky a job as the boys in the +airy-o-planes."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>According to the <i>Pall Mall Gazette</i>, Mr. Lloyd George's +double was seen at Cardiff the other day. The suggestion that +there are two Lloyd Georges has caused consternation among +the German Headquarters Staff. But we are not exempt from +troubles and anxieties in England. The bones of a woolly +rhinoceros have been dug up twenty-three feet below the surface +at High Wycombe, and very strong language has been used in +the locality concerning this gross example of food-hoarding. +The weather, too, has been behaving oddly. On one day of +Eastertide there was an inch of snow in Liverpool, followed by +hailstones, lightning, thunder, and a gale of wind. Summer +has certainly arrived very early. But at least we are to be spared +a General Election this year--for fear that it might clash with +the other War.</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="May1917"></a><i>May, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p><a name="Food_and_Food_Production"></a>In England, once but no longer merry though not downhearted, +in this once merry month of May, the question of +Food and Food Production now dominates all others. It is +the one subject that the House of Commons seems to care about. +John Bull, who has invested a mint of money in other lands, +realises that it is high time that he put something into his own +--in the shape of Corn Bounties. <a name="Corn_Production_Bill"></a>Mr. Prothero, in moving +the second reading of the Corn Production Bill, while admitting +that he had originally been opposed to State interference with +agriculture, showed all the zeal of the convert--to the dismay +of the hard-shell Free Traders.</p> + +<p>The Food Controller asks us to <a name="curtail_our_consumption"></a>curtail our consumption of +bread by one-fourth. Here, at least, non-combatants have an +opportunity of showing themselves to be as good patriots as +the Germans and of earning the epitaph': "Much as he loved +the staff of life, he loved his country even more."</p> + +<center><img src="images/166.png" alt=""No, dear, I'm afraid we shan't be at the dance to-night. Poor Herbert has got a touch of allotment feet.""></center> +<h4>"No, dear, I'm afraid we shan't be at the dance to-night. Poor Herbert has got a touch of allotment feet."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>On the Western Front the German soldiers' opinion of +"retirement according to plan" may be expressed as "each for +himself and the Devil take the Hindenburg." One of them, +recently taken prisoner, actually wrote, "When we go to the +Front we become the worst criminals." This generous attempt +to shield his superiors deserves to be appreciated, but it does +not dispel the belief that the worst criminals are still a good +way behind the German lines. The inspired German Press has +now got to the point of asserting that "there is no Hindenburg +line." Well, that implies prophetic sense:</p> + +<blockquote>And if a British prophet may<br> + Adopt their graphic present tense,<br> +I would remark--and so forestall<br> + A truth they'll never dare to trench on--<br> +<i>There is no Hindenburg at all,<br> + Or none worth mention</i>.<br></blockquote> + +<p>According to our <a name="Watch_Dog_correspondent"></a>Watch Dog correspondent, recent movements +show that the lawless German "has attained little by his +destructiveness save the discomfort of H.Q. Otherwise the +War progresses as merrily as ever; more merrily, perhaps, +owing to the difficulties to be overcome. Soldiers love difficulties +to overcome. That is their business in life." This is the +way that young officers write "in the brief interludes snatched +from hard fighting and hard fatigues." Their letters "never +pretend to be more than the gay and cynical banter of those +who bring to the perils of life at the Front an incurable habit +of humour, and they are typical of that brave spirit, essentially +English, that makes light of the worst that fate can send." +That is how one brave officer wrote of the letters of a dead +comrade to <i>Punch</i> only a few weeks before his own death.</p> + +<a name="A_BAD_DREAM"></a> +<center><img src="images/168.png" alt="A BAD DREAM"></center> +<h4>A BAD DREAM<br> +<br> +SPECTRE: "Well, if you don't like the look of me, eat less +bread."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The <a name="French_have_taken_Craonne"></a>French have taken Craonne; saluting has been abolished +in the Russian Army; and Germany has been giving practical +proof of her friendliness to Spain by torpedoing her merchant +ships. A new star has swum into the Revolutionary firmament, +by <a name="name_Lenin"></a>name Lenin. According to the Swedish Press this interesting +anarchist has been missing for two days, and it remains to +be seen if he will yet make a hit.<a name="pro-Socialist"></a> Meanwhile the Kaiser is +doing his bit in the unfamiliar rôle of pro-Socialist.</p> + +<p><a name="Newmarket"></a>Newmarket has become "a blasted heath," all horse-racing +having been stopped,'to the great dismay of the Irish members. +What are the hundred thousand young men (or is it two?), +who refuse to fight for their country, to do? Mr. Lloyd George +has produced and expounded his plan for an <a name="Irish_Convention"></a>Irish Convention, +at which Erin is to take a turn at her own harp, and the proposal +has been favourably received, except by Mr. Ginnell, in +whose ears the Convention "sounds the dirge of the Home Rule +Act."</p> + +<a name="HIS_LATEST"></a> +<center><img src="images/169.png" alt="HIS LATEST!"></center> +<h4>HIS LATEST!<br> +<br> +THE KAISER: "This is sorry work for a Hohenzollern; +still, necessity knows no traditions." +<br></h4> +<br><br> +<p><i>A Garden Glorified</i></p> + +<p>Mr. Bonar Law has <a name="brought_in_a_Budget"></a>brought in a Budget, moved a vote of +credit for 500 millions, and apologised for estimating the war +expenditure at 5½ millions a day when it turned out to be +7½. The trivial lapse has been handsomely condoned by his +predecessor, Mr. McKenna. The Budget debate was held with +open doors, but produced a number of speeches much more +suitable for the Secret Session which followed, and at which +it appears from the Speaker's Report that nothing sensational +was revealed.</p> + +<p>The House of Commons, unchanged externally, has deteriorated +spiritually, to judge by the temper of most of those +who have remained behind. It is otherwise with other Institutions, +some of which have been ennobled by disfigurement.</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="A_PLACE_OF_ARMS"></a>A PLACE OF ARMS<br></p> + +I knew a garden green and fair,<br> + Flanking our London river's tide,<br> +And you would think, to breathe its air<br> + And roam its virgin lawns beside,<br> +All shimmering in their velvet fleece,<br> +"Nothing can hurt this haunt of Peace."<br> +<br> +No trespass marred that close retreat;<br> + Privileged were the few that went<br> +Pacing its walks with measured beat<br> + On legal contemplation bent;<br> +And Inner Templars used to say:<br> +"How well our garden looks to-day!"<br> +<br> +But That which changes all has changed<br> + This guarded pleasaunce, green and fair,<br> +And soldier-ranks therein have ranged<br> + And trod its beauties hard and bare,<br> +Have tramped and tramped its fretted floor,<br> +Learning the discipline of War.<br> +<br> +And many a moon of Peace shall climb<br> + Above that mimic field of Mars,<br> +Before the healing touch of Time<br> + With springing green shall hide its scars;<br> +But Inner Templars smile and say:<br> +"Our barrack-square looks well to-day! "<br> +<br> +Good was that garden in their eyes,<br> + Lovely its spell of long-ago;<br> +Now waste and mired its glory lies,<br> + And yet they hold it dearer so,<br> +Who see beneath the wounds it bears<br> +A grace no other garden wears.<br> +<br> +For still the memory, never sere,<br> + But fresh as after fallen rain,<br> +Of those who learned their lesson here<br> + And may not ever come again,<br> +Gives to this garden, bruised and browned,<br> +A greenness as of hallowed ground.<br></blockquote> + +<p>News comes from Athens that King Constantine is realising +his position and contemplates abdication in favour of the Crown +Prince George. It is not yet known in whose favour the +Crown Prince George will abdicate. In this context the +<i>Kölnische Zeitung</i> is worth quoting. "The German people," +it says, "will not soon forget what they owe to their future +Emperor." This spasm of candour is not confined to the +Rhineland. The keenest minds in Germany, says a Berlin +correspondent, are now seeking to discover the secret of the +Fatherland's world-wide unpopularity. It is this absurd sensitiveness +on the part of our cultured opponent that is causing +some of her best friends in this country to lose hope.</p> + +<p>Genius has been denned as an infinite capacity for taking +pains; and if the definition is sound, genius cannot be denied +to the painstaking officials who test the physical fitness of +recruits--"as in the picture."</p> + +<p>The month has witnessed the amendment of the President's +much discussed phrase: "Too proud to fight" has now become +"Proud to fight too." Another revised version is suggested +by Margarine: <i>C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre</i>. +The German Food Controller laments the mysterious disappearance +of five million four hundred thousand pigs this year. +The idea of having the Crown Prince's baggage searched does +not seem to have been found feasible.</p> + +<a name="OUR_PERSEVERING_OFFICIALS"></a> +<center><img src="images/172.png" alt="OUR PERSEVERING OFFICIALS"></center> +<h4>OUR PERSEVERING OFFICIALS<br> +<br> +Or, the Recruit that was passed at the thirteenth examination.</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="June1917"></a><i>June, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>Within some eleven weeks of the Declaration of War +by the U.S.A., the first American troops have been +<a name="landed_in_France"></a>landed in France. Even the Kaiser has begun to +abate his thrasonic tone, declaring that "it is not the Prussian +way to praise oneself," and that "it is now a matter of holding +out, however long it lasts."</p> + +<p>But other events besides the arrival of the Americans have +helped to bring about this altered tone. The capture of <a name="Messines_Ridge"></a>Messines Ridge, +after the biggest bang in history, has given +him something to think about. <a name="abdicated"></a>His brother-in-law, Constantine +of Greece, has at last thrown up the sponge and abdicated. +"Tino's" place of exile is not yet fixed. The odds seem to be +on Switzerland, but Mr. Punch recommends Denmark. There +is no place like home:</p> + +<blockquote>Try some ancestral palace, well appointed;<br> + For choice the one where Hamlet nursed his spite,<br> +Who found the times had grown a bit disjointed<br> + And he was not the man to put 'em right;<br> +And there consult on that enchanted shore<br> + The ghosts of Elsinore.<br> +</blockquote> + +<p><a name="Brazil"></a>Brazil has also entered the War, and Germany is now able +to shoot in almost any direction without any appreciable risk +of hitting a friend.</p> + +<p>Field-Marshal <a name="Sir_Douglas_Haig"></a>Sir Douglas Haig gave the nation a birthday +present on his own birthday, in the shape of a dispatch +which is as strong and straight as himself:</p> + +<blockquote>Frugal in speech, yet more than once impelled<br> + To utter words of confidence and cheer<br> +Whereat some dismal publicists rebelled<br> + As premature, ill-founded, insincere--<br> +Words none the less triumphantly upheld<br> + By Victory's verdict, resonantly clear,<br> +Words that inspired misgiving in the foe<br> + Because you do not prophesy--you <i>know</i>.<br> +<br> +Steadfast and calm, unmoved by blame or praise,<br> + By local checks or Fortune's strange caprices,<br> +You dedicate laborious nights and days<br> + To shattering the Hun machine to pieces;<br> +And howsoe'er at times the battle sways<br> + The Army's trust in your command increases;<br> +Patient in preparation, swift in deed,<br> +We find in you the leader that we need.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="A_WORD_OF_ILL_OMEN"></a> +<center><img src="images/174.png" alt="A WORD OF ILL OMEN"></center> +<h4>A WORD OF ILL OMEN<br> +<br> +CROWN PRINCE (to Kaiser, drafting his next speech): "For +Gott's sake, father, be careful this time, and don't call the +American Army 'contemptible.'"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>A new feature of the German armies are the special "storm-troops"; +men picked for their youth, vigour, and daring, and +fortified by a specially liberal diet for the carrying out of +counter-attacks. Even our ordinary British soldiers, who are +constantly compelled to take these brave fellows prisoners, +bear witness to the ferocity of their appearance.</p> + +<p>On our Home Front the Germans have shown considerable +activity of late. <a name="Daylight_air-raids"></a>Daylight air-raids are no longer the monopoly +of the South-east coast; they have extended to London. And +a weekly paper, conspicuous for the insistence with which it +proclaims its superiority to all others, has been asking: If +17 German aeroplanes can visit and bomb London in broad +daylight, what is to prevent our enemy from sending 170 or +even 1,700? Fortunately the average man and woman pays no +heed to this scare-mongering, and goes about his or her +business, if not rejoicing, at any rate in the conviction that the +Gothas are not going to have it all their own way.</p> + +<p>Considering that the "Fort of London" had been drenched +with the "ghastly dew" of aerial navies barely three hours +before Parliament met on June 13, Members showed themselves +uncommon calm. They were at their best a few days earlier +in paying homage to <a name="Major_Willie_Redmond"></a>Major Willie Redmond. It had been +his ambition to be Father of the House: he had been elected +thirty-four years ago; but in reality he was the Eternal Boy +from the far-off time when it was his nightly delight to "cheek" +Mr. Speaker Brand with delightful exuberance until the moment +of his glorious death in Flanders, whither he had gone at +an age when most of his compeers were content to play the +critic in a snug corner of the smoking-room. Personal affection +combined with admiration for his gallantry to inspire the +speeches in which Mr. Lloyd George, Mr. Asquith, and Sir +<a name="Edward_Carson"></a>Edward Carson enshrined the most remarkable tribute ever paid +to a private Member.</p> + +<p><a name="Mr._Balfour_has_returned"></a>Mr. Balfour has returned safe and sound from his +Mission to the States, and received a warm welcome on all sides. Even +the ranks of Tuscany, on the Irish benches, could not forbear to cheer +their old opponent. Besides securing American gold for his country, he +has transferred some American bronze to his complexion. If anything, he +appears to have sharpened his natural faculty for skilful evasion and +polite repartee by his encounter with Transatlantic journalists. In fact +everybody is pleased to see him back except perhaps certain curious +members, who find him even more chary of information than his deputy, +Lord Robert Cecil. The mystery of <a name="LordNorthcliffesvisittotheStates"></a>Lord Northcliffe's visit to the States +has been cleared up. Certain journals, believed to enjoy his confidence, +had described him as "Mr. Balfour's successor." Certain other +journals, whose confidence he does not enjoy, had declined to believe +this. The fact as stated by Mr. Bonar Law is that "it is hoped that +Lord Northcliffe will be able to carry on the work begun by Mr. Balfour +as head of the British Mission in America. He is expected to co-ordinate +and supervise the work of all the Departmental Missions." It has +been interesting to learn that his lordship "will have the right of +communicating direct with the Prime Minister"--a thing which, of +course, he has never done before. Meanwhile, the fact remains that his +departure has been hailed with many a dry eye, and that the public seem +to be enduring their temporary bereavement with fortitude.</p> + +<center><img src="images/176.png" alt="MRS. GREEN TO MRS. JONES (who is gazing at an +aeroplane)"></center> +<h4>MRS. GREEN TO MRS. JONES (who is gazing at an +aeroplane): "My word! I shouldn't care for one of +<i>them</i> flying things to settle on me."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Far too much fuss has been made about trying to stop Messrs. Ramsay +MacDonald and Jowett from leaving England. So far as we can gather they +did not threaten to return to this country afterwards. There is no end +to the woes of Pacificists, conscientious or otherwise. The Press +campaign against young men of military age engaged in Government offices +is causing some of them sleepless days. Even on the stage the +"conchy" is not safe.</p> + +<center><img src="images/177.png" alt="STAGE MANAGER: "The elephant's putting in a very spirited performance to-night.""></center> +<h4>STAGE MANAGER: "The elephant's putting in a very spirited performance to-night."<br> + +CARPENTER. "Yessir. You see, the new hind-legs is a discharged soldier, and the front legs is an out-and-out pacificist." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="The_King"></a>The King has done a popular act in abolishing the German +titles held by members of his family, and <a name="beer_is_a_food"></a>Mr. Kennedy Jones +has won widespread approval by declaring that beer is a food.</p> + +<p>Lord Devonport's <a name="retirement_from_the_post_of_Food_Controller"></a>retirement from the post of Food Controller +has been received with equanimity. There is a +touch of imagination, almost of romance, in the appointment +of his successor, the <a name="redoubtable_Lord_Rhondda"></a>redoubtable Lord Rhondda, who as +"D.A." was alternately the bogy and idol of the Welsh miners, +and who, after being the head of the greatest profit-making +enterprise in the Welsh coalfields, is now summoned to carry +on war against the profiteers in the provision trade.</p> + +<p>In Germany a number of <a name="lunatics"></a>lunatics have been called up for +military service, and the annual report of one institution at +Stettin states that "the asylums are proud that their inmates +are allowed to serve their Fatherland." It appears, however, +that the results are not always satisfactory, though no complaints +have been heard on our side.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><a name="July1917"></a><i>July, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>The War, so Lord Northcliffe has informed the Washington +Red Cross Committee, has only just begun. +Whether this utterance be regarded as a statement of fact +or an explosion of rhetoric, it has at least one merit. The +United States cannot but regard it as a happy coincidence +that their entry into the War synchronises with the initial +operations. The dog-days are always busy times for the Dogs +of War, and the last month of the third year opened with the +<a name="new_Russian_Offensive_under_Brusiloff"></a>new Russian Offensive under Brusiloff, and closed with the +beginning of the <a name="Third_Battle_of_Ypres"></a>Third Battle of Ypres. The War in the air and +under the sea rages with unabated intensity, <a name="reprisals_on_German_cities"></a>and in both Houses +the policy of unmitigated reprisals on German cities has found +strenuous advocates. But <a name="Lord_Derby"></a>Lord Derby, our new Minister of War, +will have none of it. British aeroplanes shall only be employed +in bombing where some distinctly military object is to be +achieved. But this decision does not involve any slackness in +defensive measures. We have learned how to deal with the +Zepp, and now we are going to attend to the Gotha. As for +the U-boats, the Admiralty says little but does much. And +we are adding to vigilance, valour, and the resources of applied +science the further aid of agriculture.</p> + +<p>In the old days the Kaiser was once described as "indefatigably +changing Chancellors and uniforms." <a name="Dr._Bethmann-Hollweg"></a>Dr. Bethmann-Hollweg +has now gone the way of his greater predecessors--Bismarck +and Caprivi, Prince Hohenlohe and Prince Bülow.</p> + +<a name="THE_TUBERS_REPARTEE"></a> +<center><img src="images/179.png" alt="THE TUBER'S REPARTEE"></center> +<h4>THE TUBER'S REPARTEE<br> +<br> +GERMAN PIRATE; "Gott strafe England!"<br> + +BRITISH POTATO: "Tuber über Alles!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The Princes and the Peers depart, and the Doctors are following +suit. Bethmann-Hollweg, immortalised by one fatal +phrase, has been at last hunted from office by the extremists +whom he sought to restrain, and <a name="Dr._Michaelis"></a>Dr. Michaelis, a second-rate +administrator, of negligible antecedents, succeeds to his uneasy +chair, while the Kaiser maintains his pose as the <a name="friend_of_the_people"></a>friend of the people. +He has congratulated his Bayreuth Dragoons on +their prowess, which has given joy "to old Fritz up in +Elysian fields":</p> + +<blockquote>Perhaps; but what if he is down below?<br> +In any case, what we should like to know<br> +Is how his modern namesake, Private Fritz,<br> +Enjoys the fun of being blown to bits<br> +Because his Emperor has lost his wits.<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_SCRAPPER_SCRAPPED"></a> +<center><img src="images/180.png" alt="THE SCRAPPER SCRAPPED"></center> +<h4>THE SCRAPPER SCRAPPED</h4> +<br><br> +<p><i>Delirant reges</i>: but there are bright exceptions. On July 17 +our <a name="King_in_Council"></a>King in Council decreed that the Royal House should be +known henceforth as the House of Windsor. Parliament has +been flooded with the backwash of the Mesopotamia Commission, +and at last on third thoughts the Government has decided +not to set up a new tribunal to try the persons affected by the +Report. <a name="Mr._Austen_Chamberlain"></a>Mr. Austen Chamberlain has resigned office amid +general regret. The Government have refused, "on the representations +of the Foreign Secretary," to accept the twice +proffered resignation of Lord Hardinge. The plain person is +driven to the conclusion that if there are no unsinkable ships +there are some unsinkable officials. For the rest the question +mainly agitating Members has been "to warn or not to warn." +The Lord Mayor has announced that he will not ring the great +bell of St. Paul's; but the Home Secretary states that the public +will be warned in future when an air raid is actually imminent.</p> + +<a name="BUSY_CITY_MAN_TO_HIS_PARTNER"></a> +<center><img src="images/181.png" alt="BUSY CITY MAN TO HIS PARTNER (as one of the new +air-raid warnings gets to work)"></center> +<h4>BUSY CITY MAN TO HIS PARTNER (as one of the new +air-raid warnings gets to work): " If you'll leave me in here for the warnings I'll carry on while you take shelter during the raids." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>During these visitations there is nothing handier than a +comfortable and capacious Cave, but the Home Secretary has +his limitations. When Mr. King asked him to be more careful +about interning alien friends without trial,<a name="Trotsky"></a> since he (Mr. King) +had just heard of the great reception accorded in Petrograd +to one Trotsky on his release from internment, Sir George +Cave replied that he was sorry he had never heard of Trotsky.</p> + +<p>Lord Rhondda reigns in Lord Devonport's place, and will +doubtless profit by his predecessor's experience. It is a thankless +job, but the great body of the nation is determined that he +shall have fair play and will support him through thick and thin +in any policy, however drastic, that he may recommend to their +reason and their patriotism. This business of food-controlling +is new to us as well as to him, but we are willing to be led, and +we are even willing to be driven, and we are grateful to him for +having engaged his reputation and skill and firmness in the +task of leading or driving us.</p> + +<p>The War has its <i>grandes heures</i>, its colossal glories and +disasters, but the tragedy of the "little things" affects the mind +of the simple soldier with a peculiar force--the "little gardens +rooted up, the same as might be ours"; "the little 'ouses all in +'eaps, the same as might be mine"; and worst of all, "the little +kids, as might 'ave been our own." Apropos of resentment, +England has lost first place in Germany, for America is said +to be the most hated country now. The "morning hate" of +the German family with ragtime obbligato must be a terrible +thing! <a name="General_von_Blume"></a>General von Blume, it is true, says that America's +intervention is no more than "a straw." But which straw? +The last?</p> + +<center><img src="images/182.png" alt="GRANDPAPA (to small Teuton struggling with home-lessons)"></center> +<h4>GRANDPAPA (to small Teuton struggling with home-lessons): "Come, Fritz, +is your task so difficult?"<br> + +FRITZ: "It is indeed. I have to learn all the names of <i>all</i> the countries +that misunderstand the All-Highest."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>It is reported that <a name="ex-King_Constantine"></a>ex-King Constantine is to receive +£20,000 a year unemployment benefit, and Mr. Punch, in +prophetic vein, pictures him as offering advice to his illustrious +brother-in-law:</p> + +<blockquote>Were it not wise, dear William, ere the day<br> + When Revolution goes for crowns and things,<br> +To cut your loss betimes and come this way<br> + And start a coterie of exiled Kings?<br></blockquote> + +<p>In the words of a valued correspondent (a temporary +captain suddenly summoned from the trenches to the Staff), +"there is this to be said about being at war--you never know +what is going to happen to you next."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="August1917"></a>August, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>With the opening of the fourth year of the War +Freedom renews her vow, fortified by the aid of the +"Gigantic Daughter of the West,"<a name="collapse_of"></a> and undaunted by +the collapse of our Eastern Ally, brought about by anarchy, +German gold and the fraternisation of Russian and German +soldiers. The Kaiser, making the most of this timely boon, +has once more been following in Bellona's train (her <i>train de +luxe</i>) in search of cheap <i>réclame</i> on the Galician front, to witness +the triumphs of his new Ally, Revolutionary Russia:</p> + +<blockquote>But though she fail us in the final test,<br> + Not there, not there, my child, the end shall be,<br> + But where, without your option, France and we<br> +Have made our own arrangements in the West.<br></blockquote> +<br><br> + +<a name="russiasdarkhour"></a> +<center><img src="images/184.png" alt="RUSSIA'S DARK HOUR"></center> +<h4>RUSSIA'S DARK HOUR</h4> +<br><br> +<p>It is another story on the Western Front, where the British +are closing in on the wrecked remains of Lens, and the Crown +Prince's chance of breaking hearts along "The Ladies' Way" +grows more and more remote.</p> + +<a name="THE_OPTIMIST"></a> +<center><img src="images/185.png" alt="THE OPTIMIST"></center> +<h4>THE OPTIMIST<br> +<br> +"If this is the right village, then we're all right. The instructions is clear--Go +past the post-office and sharp to the left afore you come to the church.'"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>A recent resolution of the Reichstag has been welcomed +by Mr. Ramsay MacDonald as the solemn pronouncement of +a sovereign people, only requiring the endorsement of the +British Government to produce an immediate and equitable +peace. But not much was left of this pleasant theory after +Mr. Asquith had dealt it a few sledge-hammer blows. "So +far as we know," he said, "the influence of the Reichstag, not +only upon the composition but upon the policy of the German +Government, remains what it always has been--a practically +negligible quantity."</p> + +<p>The <a name="Reminiscences_of_Mr._Gerard"></a>Reminiscences of Mr. Gerard, the late German Ambassador +in Berlin, are causing much perturbation in German +Court circles. In one of his conversations with Mr. Gerard, +the Kaiser told him "there is no longer any International Law."</p> + +<blockquote>Little scraps of paper,<br> + Little drops of ink,<br> +Make the Kaiser caper<br> + And the Nations think.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The <a name="real_voice_of"></a>real voice of Labour is not that of the delegates who +want to go to the International Socialist Conference at Stockholm +to talk to Fritz, but of the Tommy who, after a short +"leaf," goes cheerfully back to France to fight him. And the +fomenters of class hatred will not find much support from +the "men in blue." Mr. Punch has had occasion to rebuke the +levity of smart fashionables who visit the wounded and weary +them by idiotic questions. <a name="tribute_paid_to_the_V.A.D."></a>He is glad to show the other side +of the picture in the tribute paid to the V.A.D. of the proper +sort:</p> + +<blockquote>There's an angel in our ward as keeps a-flittin' to and fro,<br> +With fifty eyes upon 'er wherever she may go;<br> +She's as pretty as a picture, and as bright as mercury,<br> +And she wears the cap and apron of a V.A.D.<br> +<br> +The Matron she is gracious, and the Sister she is kind,<br> +But they wasn't born just yesterday, and lets you know their mind;<br> +The M.O. and the Padre is as thoughtful as can be,<br> +But they ain't so good to look at as our V.A.D.<br> +<br> +Not like them that wash a teacup in an orficer's canteen,<br> +And then "Engaged in War Work" in the weekly Press is seen;<br> +She's on the trot from morn to night and busy as a bee,<br> +And there's 'eaps of wounded Tommies bless that V.A.D.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Our Grand Fleet keeps its strenuous, unceasing vigil in the +North Sea. But we must not forget the merchant mariners now +serving under the Windsor House Flag in the North Atlantic +trade:</p> + +<blockquote>"We sweep a bit and we fight a bit--an' that's what we like the best--<br> +But a towin' job or a salvage job, they all go in with the rest;<br> +When we ain't too busy upsettin' old Fritz an' 'is frightfulness blockade<br> +A bit of all sorts don't come amiss in the North Atlantic trade."<br> +<br> +"And who's your skipper, and what is he like?" "Oh, well, if you want to know,<br> +I'm sailing under a hard-case mate as I sailed with years ago;<br> +'E's big as a bucko an' full o' beans, the same as 'e used to be<br> +When I knowed 'im last in the windbag days when first I followed the sea.<br> +'E was worth two men at the lee fore brace, an' three at the bunt of a sail;<br> +'E'd a voice you could 'ear to the royal yards in the teeth of a Cape 'Orn gale;<br> +But now 'e's a full-blown lootenant, an' wears the twisted braid,<br> +Commandin' one of 'is Majesty's ships in the North Atlantic trade."<br> +<br> +"And what is the ship you're sailin' in?" "Oh, she's a bit of a terror.<br> +She ain't no bloomin' levvyathan, an' that's no fatal error!<br> +She scoops the seas like a gravy spoon when the gales are up an' blowin',<br> +But Fritz 'e loves 'er above a bit when 'er fightin' fangs are showin'.<br> +The liners go their stately way an' the cruisers take their ease,<br> +But where would they be if it wasn't for us with the water up to our knees?<br> +We're wadin' when their soles are wet, we're swimmin' when they wade,<br> +For I tell you small craft gets it a treat in the North Atlantic trade!"<br> +<br> +"An' what is the port you're plying to?" "When the last long trick is done<br> +There'll some come back to the old 'ome port--'ere's 'opin' I'll be one;<br> +But some 'ave made a new landfall, an' sighted another shore,<br> +An' it ain't no use to watch for them, for they won't come 'ome no more.<br> +There ain't no harbour dues to pay when once they're over the bar,<br> +Moored bow and stern in a quiet berth where the lost three-deckers are.<br> +An' there's Nelson 'oldin' is' one 'and out an' welcomin' them that's made<br> +The roads o' Glory an' the Port of Death in the North Atlantic trade."<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<center><img src="images/187.png" alt="DOCTOR: "Your throat is in a very bad state. Have you ever tried +gargling with salt water?""></center> +<h4>DOCTOR: "Your throat is in a very bad state. Have you ever tried +gargling with salt water?"<br> + +SKIPPER: "Yus, I've been torpedoed six times."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Parliament has devoted many hours of talk to the discussion +of Mr. Henderson's visit to Paris in company with Mr. Ramsay +MacDonald to attend a Conference of French and Russian +Socialists. As member of the War Cabinet and Secretary of +the Labour Party he seems to have resembled one of those twin +salad bottles from which oil and vinegar can be dispensed +alternately but not together. The attempt to combine the two +functions could only end as it began--in a double fiasco. <a name="Minister_of_Munitions"></a>Mr. +Henderson has resigned, and Mr. Winston Churchill has been +appointed Minister of Munitions. Many reasons have been +assigned for his reinclusion in the Ministry. Some say that it +was done to muzzle Mr. MacCallum Scott, hitherto one of the +most pertinacious of questionists, who, as Mr. Churchill's +private secretary, is now debarred by Parliamentary etiquette +from the exercise of these inquisitorial functions. Others say +it was done to muzzle Mr. Churchill. Contrary to expectation, +Mr. Churchill has succeeded in piloting the Munitions of War +Bill through its remaining stages in double quick time. Its +progress was accelerated by his willingness to abolish the +leaving certificate, which a workman hitherto had to procure +before changing one job for another. Having had unequalled +experience in this respect, he is convinced that the leaving +certificate is a useless formality.</p> + +<p><a name="Food_stocks_going_up"></a>Food stocks going up, thanks to the energy of the farmers +and the economy of consumers; <a name="German_submarines"></a>German submarines going +down, thanks to the Navy; <a name="Russia_recovering_herself"></a>Russia recovering herself; Britain +and France advancing hand in hand on the Western Front, +and our enemies fumbling for peace--that was the gist of the +message with which the Prime Minister sped the parting +Commons. "I have resigned," <a name="Mr._Kennedy_Jones"></a>Mr. Kennedy Jones tells us, +"because there is no further need for my services." Several +politicians are of opinion that this was not a valid reason. A +boy of eighteen recently told a Stratford magistrate that he +had given up his job because he only got twenty-five shillings +a week. The question of wages is becoming acute in Germany +too, and it is announced that all salaries in the Diplomatic +Service have been reduced. We always said that frightfulness +didn't really pay.</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="September1917"></a>September, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>Thanks to the collapse of the Russian armies and +"fraternisation," <a name="Germany_has_occupied_Riga"></a>Germany has occupied Riga. But her +chief exploits of late must be looked for outside the sphere +of military operations. <a name="spurlos_versenkt"></a>She has added a new phrase to the +vocabulary of frightfulness, <i>spurlos versenkt</i> in the instructions +to her submarine commanders for dealing with neutral +merchantmen. <a name="Sweden"></a>As for the position into which Sweden has been +lured by allowing her diplomatic agents to assist Germany's +secret service, Mr. Punch would hardly go the length of saying +that it justifies the revision of the National Anthem so as to +read, "Confound their Scandi-knavish tricks." But he finds it +hard to accept Sweden's professions of official rectitude, and +so does President Wilson.</p> + +<p><a name="cipher_key"></a>The German Press accuses the United States of having +stolen the cipher key of the Luxburg dispatches. It is this +sort of thing that is gradually convincing Germany that it is +beneath her dignity to fight with a nation like America. <a name="no_peace_with_the_Hohenzollerns"></a>And +the growing conviction in the United States that there can +be no peace with the Hohenzollerns only tends to fortify this +view in Court circles. The Kaiser's protestations of his love +for his people become more strident every day.</p> + +<a name="PERFECT_INNOCENCE"></a> +<center><img src="images/190.png" alt="PERFECT INNOCENCE"></center> +<h4>PERFECT INNOCENCE<br> +<br> +CONSTABLE WOODROW WILSON: "That's a very mischievous thing to do."<br> + +SWEDEN: "Please, sir, I didn't know it was loaded." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Mr._Kerensky"></a>In Russia the Provisional Government has been dissolved +and a Republic proclaimed. If eloquence can save the situation, +Mr. Kerensky is the man to do it; but so far the men of +few words have gone farthest in the war. A "History of the +Russian Revolution" has already been published. The pen +may not be mightier than the sword to-day, but it manages +to keep ahead of it.</p> + +<p>With fresh enemy battalions, as well as batteries, constantly +arriving from Russia, the Italians have been hard pressed;<a name="Bainsizza"></a> +but their great assault on San Gabriele has saved the Bainsizza +plateau. The Italian success has been remarkable, but the +Russian collapse has prevented it from being pushed home. +On the Western front no great events are recorded, but the +mills of death grind on with ever-increasing assistance from +the resources of applied science and the new art of <i>camouflage</i>. +Yet the dominion of din and death and discomfort is still unable +to impair our soldiers' capacity of extracting amusement from +trivialities.</p> + +<a name="TRIALS_OF_A_CAMOUFLAGE_OFFICER"></a> +<center><img src="images/191.png" alt="TRIALS OF A CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER"></center> +<h4>TRIALS OF A CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER<br> +<br> +SERGEANT-MAJOR: "Beg pardon, sir, I was to ask if you'd step up to the +battery, sir."<br> + +CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "What's the matter?"<br> + +SERGEANT-MAJOR: "It's those painted grass screens, sir. The mules have +eaten them."</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_INSEPARABLE"></a> +<center><img src="images/192.png" alt="THE INSEPARABLE"></center> +<h4>THE INSEPARABLE<br> +<br> +THE KAISER (to his people): "Do not listen to those who +would sow dissension between us. <i>I will never desert you</i>."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The weather has been so persistently wet that it looks as +if this year the Channel had decided to swim Great Britain. +A correspondent, in a list of improbable events on an "extraordinary +day" at the front, gives as the culminating entry, +"It did not rain on the day of the offensive."</p> + +<center><img src="images/193.png" alt="C.O. (to sentry): "Do you know the Defence +Scheme for this sector of the line, my man?""></center> +<h4>C.O. (to sentry): "Do you know the Defence +Scheme for this sector of the line, my man?"<br> + +TOMMY: "Yes, sir."<br> + +C.O.: "Well, what is it, then?"<br> + +TOMMY. "To stay 'ere an' fight like 'ell."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>When Parliament is not sitting and trying to make us "sit +up," and when war news is scant, old people at home sometimes +fall into a mood of wistful reverie, and <a name="contrast"></a>contrast the +Germany they once knew with the Germany of to-day.</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="A_LOST_LAND"></a>A LOST LAND</p> + +A childhood land of mountain ways,<br> +Where earthy gnomes and forest fays,<br> +Kind, foolish giants, gentle bears,<br> +Sport with the peasant as he fares<br> +Affrighted through the forest glades,<br> +And lead sweet, wistful little maids<br> +Lost in the woods, forlorn, alone,<br> +To princely lovers and a throne.<br> +<br> +Dear haunted land of gorge and glen,<br> +Ah me! the dreams, the dreams of men!<br> +<br> +A learned law of wise old books<br> +And men with meditative looks,<br> +Who move in quaint red-gabled towns,<br> +And sit in gravely-folded gowns,<br> +Divining in deep-laden speech<br> +The world's supreme arcana--each<br> +A homely god to listening youth,<br> +Eager to tear the veil of Truth;<br> +<br> +Mild votaries of book and pen--<br> +Alas, the dreams, the dreams of men!<br> +<br> +A music land whose life is wrought<br> +In movements of melodious thought;<br> +In symphony, great wave on wave--<br> +Or fugue elusive, swift and grave;<br> +A singing land, whose lyric rhymes<br> +Float on the air like village chimes;<br> +Music and verse--the deepest part<br> +Of a whole nation's thinking heart!<br> +<br> +Oh land of Now, oh land of Then!<br> +Dear God! the dreams, the dreams of men!<br> +<br> +Slave nation in a land of hate,<br> +Where are the things that made you great?<br> +Child-hearted once--oh, deep defiled,<br> +Dare you look now upon a child?<br> +<br> +Your lore--a hideous mask wherein<br> +Self-worship hides its monstrous sin--<br> +Music and verse, divinely wed--<br> +How can these live where love is dead?<br> +<br> +Oh depths beneath sweet human ken,<br> +God help the dreams, the dreams of men!<br></blockquote> + +<p>The Norwegian explorer, <a name="Roald_Amundsen"></a>Roald Amundsen, is preparing +for a trip to the North Pole in 1918. Additional interest now +attaches to this spot as being the only territory whose neutrality +the Germans have omitted to violate. <a name="U-boat_interned_at_Cadiz"></a>Apropos of neutrals, +the crew of the U-boat interned at Cadiz has been allowed to +land on giving their word of honour not to leave Spain during +the continuance of the War. The mystery of how the word +"honour" came into their possession is not explained. It is +easier to explain that the Second Division, in which Mr. E.D. +Morel is now serving, is not the one which fought at the battle +of Mons.</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="October1917"></a>October, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>Another month of losses and gains. Against the breakthrough +at <a name="Caporetto"></a>Caporetto on the Isonzo we have to set the +<a name="steady_advance_of_Allenby"></a>steady advance of Allenby on the Palestine front, and +the decision arrived at by an extraordinary meeting of German +Reichstag members that the Germans cannot hope for victory +in the field. We see nothing extraordinary in this. The +<a name="Reichstag"></a>Reichstag may not yet be able to influence policy, but it is +not blind to facts--to the terribly heavy losses involved in our +enemy's desperate efforts to prevent us from occupying the +ridges above the Ypres-Menin road, and so forcing him to +face the winter on the low ground. Then, too, there has been +the ominous <a name="mutiny"></a>mutiny of the German sailors at Kiel. The ringleaders +have been executed, but they may have preferred death +to another speech from the Kaiser. <a name="Dr._Michaelis_dismissed"></a>Dr. Michaelis, that +"transient embarrassed phantom," has joined the ranks of the +dismissed. No sooner had the <i>Berliner Tageblatt</i> pointed out +that "Dr. Michaelis was a good Chancellor as Chancellors go" +than he went. Another of the German doctor politicians has +been delivering his soul on the failure of Pro-German propaganda +in memorable fashion. <a name="Dr._Dernburg"></a>Dr. Dernburg, in <i>Deutsche +Politik</i>, tells us that "steadfastness and righteousness are the +qualities which the German people value in the highest degree, +and which have brought it a good and honourable reputation +in the whole world. When we make experiments in lies and +deceptions, intrigue and low cunning, we suffer hopeless and +brutal failure. Our lies are coarse and improbable, our ambiguity +is pitiful simplicity. The history of the War proves +this by a hundred examples. When our enemies poured all +these things upon us like a hailstorm, and we convinced ourselves +of the effectiveness of such tactics, we tried to imitate +them. But these tactics will not fit the German. We are +rough but moral, we are credulous but honest." Before this +touching picture of the German Innocents very much +abroad, the Machiavellian Briton can only take refuge in +silent amazement.</p> + +<a name="THE_DANCE_OF_DEATH"></a> +<center><img src="images/196.png" alt="THE DANCE OF DEATH"></center> +<h4>THE DANCE OF DEATH<br> +<br> +THE KAISER: "Stop! I'm tired."<br> + +DEATH: "I started at your bidding; I stop when I choose."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Parliament has reassembled, and Mr. Punch has been moved +to ask Why? Various reasons would no doubt be returned by +various members. The Chancellor of the Exchequer wants to +obtain a further Vote of Credit. The new <a name="National_Party"></a>National Party wish +to justify their existence; and those incarnate notes of interrogation--Messrs. +King, Hogge and Pemberton Billing--would +like Parliament to be in permanent session in order that +the world might have the daily benefit of their searching investigations. +<a name="Sinn_Fein_excesses"></a>There has been a certain liveliness on the +Hibernian front, but we hope that Mr. Asquith was justified +in assuming that the Sinn Fein excesses were only an expression +of the "rhetorical and contingent belligerency" always +present in Ireland, and that in spite of them the Convention +would make all things right. Meanwhile, the Sinn Feiners +have refused to take part in it. And not a single Nationalist +member has denounced them for their dereliction; indeed, Mr. +T.M. Healy has even given them his blessing, for what it is +worth. <a name="Air_Ministry"></a>Of more immediate importance has been Mr. Bonar +Law's announcement of the Government's intention to set up +a new Air Ministry, and "to employ our machines over German +towns so far as military needs render us free to take such +action."</p> +<a name="A_PLACE_IN_THE_MOON"></a> +<center><img src="images/198.png" alt="A PLACE IN THE MOON"></center> +<h4>A PLACE IN THE MOON<br> +<br> +HANS: "How beautiful a moon, my love, for showing +up England to our gallant airmen!"<br> + +GRETCHEN: "Yes, dearest, but may it not show up the +Fatherland to the brutal enemy one of these nights?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>In the earlier stages of the War we looked on the moon +as our friend. Now that inconstant orb has become our enemy, +and the only German opera that we look forward to seeing is +<i>Die Gothadämmerung</i>. +A circular +has been issued +by the Feline Defence +League appealing +to owners +of cats to bring +them inside the +house during air-raids. +When they +are left on the roof +it would seem that +their agility +causes them to be +mistaken for +aerial torpedoes. +We note that the +practice of giving +air-raid warnings +by notice published +in the following +morning's +papers has been +abandoned only +after the most exhaustive +tests. +The advocates of +"darkness and +composure" have +not been very happy in their arguments, but they are at least +preferable to the members of Parliament deservedly trounced by +Mr. Bonar Law, who declared that if their craven squealings +were typical he should despair of victory. Meanwhile, we have +to congratulate our <a name="gallant_French_allies"></a>gallant French allies on their splendid bag +of Zepps. But the space which our Press allots to air raids +moves Mr. Punch to wonder and scorn. Our casualties from +that source are never one-tenth so heavy as those in France on +days when G.H.Q. reports "everything quiet on the Western +front." Still worse is the temper of some of our society weeklies, +which have set their faces like flint against any serious +reference to the War, and go imperturbably along the old ante-bellum +lines, "snapping" <a name="smart_people"></a>smart people at the races or in the +Row, or reproducing the devastating beauty of a revue chorus, +and this at a time when every day brings the tidings of +irreparable loss to hundreds of families.</p> + + +<blockquote><p><a name="MISSING"></a>MISSING</p> + +"He was last seen going over the parapet into the German trenches."<br> +<br> +What did you find after war's fierce alarms,<br> + When the kind earth gave you a resting-place,<br> +And comforting night gathered you in her arms,<br> + With light dew falling on your upturned face?<br> +<br> +Did your heart beat, remembering what had been?<br> + Did you still hear around you, as you lay,<br> +The wings of airmen sweeping by unseen,<br> + The thunder of the guns at close of day?<br> +<br> +All nature stoops to guard your lonely bed;<br> + Sunshine and rain fall with their calming breath;<br> +You need no pall, so young and newly dead,<br> + Where the Lost Legion triumphs over death.<br> +<br> +When with the morrow's dawn the bugle blew,<br> + For the first time it summoned you in vain,<br> +The Last Post does not sound for such as you,<br> + But God's Reveille wakens you again.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The discomforts of <a name="railway_travelling"></a>railway travelling do not diminish. But impatient +passengers may find comfort in a maxim of R. L. Stevenson: "To +travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." And further +solace is forthcoming in the fact that our enemies are even worse off +than we are. Railway fares in Germany have been doubled; but it is +doubtful if this transparent artifice will prevent the Kaiser from going +about the place making speeches to his troops on all the fronts. Here +all classes are united by the solidarity of inconvenience. And they all +have different ways of meeting it. But we really think more care should +be taken by the authorities to see that while waging war on the +Continent they do not forget the defence of those at home. The fact that +Mr. Winston Churchill and <a name="Mr._Horatio_Bottomley"></a>Mr. Horatio Bottomley were away in France at +the same time looks like gross carelessness. In this context we may note +the report that the Eskimos had not until quite recently heard of war, +which seems to argue slackness on the part of the circulation manager of +the <i>Daily Mail</i>.</p> + +<br> + +<center><img src="images/200.png" alt="STOUT LADY (discussing the best thing to do in +an air-raid)"></center> +<h4>STOUT LADY (discussing the best thing to do in +an air-raid): "Well, I always runs about meself. You +see, as my 'usband sez, an' very reasonable too, a +movin' targit is more difficult to 'it."</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="November1917"></a>November, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>The best and the worst news comes from the outlying +fronts. Allenby's triumphant advance is unchecked in +Palestine. <a name="Gaza_has_fallen"></a>Gaza has fallen. The British are in Jaffa. +Jerusalem is threatened. The German-Austrian drive which +began at Caporetto has been stemmed,<a name="on_the_Piave"></a> and the Italians, stiffened +by a British army under General Plumer, are standing firm +on the Piave. <a name="gallant_Maude"></a>In Mesopotamia we deplore the death of the +gallant Maude, a great general and a great gentleman, beloved +by all ranks, whose career is an abiding answer to those who +maintain that no good can come out of our public schools or +the Staff training of regular officers. In Russia the Bolshevist +<i>coup d'état</i> has <a name="overthrown_the_Kerensky"></a>overthrown the Kerensky <i>règime</i> and installed +as dictator Lenin, a <i>déclassé</i> aristocrat, always the most +dangerous of revolutionaries. On the Western front the tide +has flowed and ebbed.<a name="Passchendaele"></a> The Germans have yielded ground on +the <i>Chemin des Dames</i>, the British have stormed Passchendaele +Ridge, but at terrible cost, and General Byng's brilliant surprise +attack and <a name="victory_at_Cambrai"></a>victory at Cambrai has been followed by the +fierce reaction of ten days later. But perhaps the greatest sensation +of the month has been Mr. Lloyd George's Paris speech, +with its disquieting references to the situation on the Western +front, and its announcement of the formation of the <a name="new_AlliedCouncil"></a>new Allied +Council. The Premier's defence of, and, we may perhaps say, +recomposition of his Paris oration before the House of +Commons has appeased criticism without entirely convincing +those who have been anxious to know how the Allied Council +would work, and what would be the relations between the +Council's military advisers and the existing General Staff of +the countries concerned. But as Mr. Lloyd George confessed +that he had deliberately made a "disagreeable speech" in Paris +in order to get it talked about, the Press critics whom he rebuked +will probably consider themselves absolved.</p> + +<a name="A_GREAT_INCENTIVE"></a> +<center><img src="images/202.png" alt="A GREAT INCENTIVE"></center> +<h4>A GREAT INCENTIVE<br> +<br> +MEHMED (reading dispatch from the All-Highest): "Defend +Jerusalem at all costs for my sake. I was once there myself."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Parliament has for once repelled the gibe that it has ceased +to represent the people in the tribute of praise paid by Lords +and Commons to our sailors and soldiers and all the other +gallant folk who are helping us to win the War. On the strength +of this capacity for rising to the occasion one may pass over +the many sittings at which a small minority of Pacificists and +irrelevant inquisitors have dragged the House down to the +depths of ineptitude or worse. In the debate on the Air Force +in Committee, one member, if we count speeches and interruptions, +addressed the House exactly one hundred times, and it +is worthy of note that his last words were: "This is what you +call muzzling the House of Commons." If we were to believe +some critics, the British Navy is directed by a set of doddering +old gentlemen who are afraid to let it go at the Germans, and +cannot even safeguard it from attack. The truth, as expounded +by the First Lord, <a name="Sir_Eric_Geddes"></a>Sir Eric Geddes, in his maiden speech, is +quite different. Despite the Jeremiads of superannuated sailors +and political longshoremen, the Admiralty is not going to +Davy Jones's locker, but under its present chiefs, who have, +with very few exceptions, seen service in this War, maintains +and supplements its glorious record.</p> + +<a name="ONE_UP"></a> +<center><img src="images/203.png" alt="ONE UP!"></center> +<h4>ONE UP!</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Save for an occasional game of "tip and run," as with the +North Sea convoy, enemy vessels have disappeared on the +surface of the ocean; and the long arm of the British Navy +is now stretching down into the depths and up into the skies +in successful pursuit of them. If the nation hardly realises +what it owes to the men of the Fleet and their splendid comrades +of the Auxiliary Services, it is because this work is done +with such thoroughness and so little fuss, and, as Mr. Asquith +put it, "in the twilight and not in the limelight."</p> + +<center><img src="images/204.png" alt="AUNT MARIA: "Do you know I once actually saw the Kaiser riding +through the streets of London as bold as brass. If I'd known then what I +know now I'd have told a policeman.""></center> +<h4>AUNT MARIA: "Do you know I once actually saw the Kaiser riding +through the streets of London as bold as brass. If I'd known then what I +know now I'd have told a policeman."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The general sense of the community is now practically +agreed that compulsory <a name="rationing_must_come"></a>rationing must come, and the sooner +the better. Lord Rhondda is still hopeful that John Bull will +tighten his own belt and save him the trouble. But if we fail, +the machinery for compulsion is all ready.</p> + +<p>Reuter reports that a <a name="British_prisoner_has_been_sentenced"></a>British prisoner has been sentenced +to a year's imprisonment for calling the Germans "Huns." +On the Western front Tommy usually calls them "Allymans," +"Jerry," or "Fritz." But even if this prisoner did use the word +he cannot be blamed. <a name="Attilasunderstudy"></a>The choice was the Kaiser's when, as +Attila's understudy, "Go forth," he said, "my sons. Go and +behave exactly as the Huns."</p> + +<p>Apropos of the Kaiser, it appears that a certain Herr +Stegerwald, addressing a Berlin meeting, said: "We went +to war at the side of the Kaiser, and the All-Highest will return +from war with us." If we may be permitted to say anything, +we expect he will be leading by at least a couple of lengths.</p> + +<p>The versatility and inventive genius of the Prime Minister +provoke mingled comment. An old Parliamentarian, when +asked to what party Mr. Lloyd George now belonged, +recently answered: "He used to be a Radical; he will some +day be a Conservative; and at present he is the leader of the +Improvisatories."</p> +<br> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="December1917"></a>December, 1917</i>.</h2> + +<p>It seems useless to attempt to cope with the staggering +multiplicity of events crowded into the last few weeks. +<a name="Jerusalem_captured"></a>Jerusalem captured in this last crusade, which realises +the dream of Coeur de Lion; Russia "down and out" as a result +of the armistice and the <a name="Brest-Litovsk_Conference"></a>Brest-Litovsk Conference; Germany's +last colony conquered in East Africa; Lord Lansdowne's +letter; the <a name="retirement_of_Lord_Jellicoe"></a>retirement of Lord Jellicoe; while in one single +week<a name="Cuba_has_declared_war"></a> Cuba has declared war on Austria, the Kaiser has +threatened to make a Christmas peace offer, and Mr. Bernard +Shaw has described himself as "a mere individual." We have +traversed the whole gamut of sensation from the sublime and +tragic to the ridiculous; and Armageddon, vulgarised by the +vulgar repetition of the journalist, has redeemed its significance +in the dispatches from our Palestine front. The simplicity and +dignity of General Allenby's entry into the Syrian town--</p> + +<blockquote>Where on His grave with shining eyes<br> +The Syrian stars look down--<br></blockquote> + +<p>afford a happy contrast to the boastful pagentry of the Kaiser's +visit in 1898. Meanwhile it has not yet been decided in Berlin +what the Sultan of Turkey thinks of the capture of Jerusalem.</p> + +<a name="BETRAYED"></a> +<center><img src="images/206.png" alt="BETRAYED"></center> +<h4>BETRAYED<br> +<br> +THE PANDER: "Come on; come and be kissed by him."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Where Russia is concerned Mr. Balfour wisely declines to +be included among the prophets; all he knows is that she has +not yet evolved a Government with which we can negotiate.</p> + +<a name="letter_to_the_Daily_Telegraph"></a> +<p>There <i>is</i> a Government in Germany, but neither Government +nor people afford excuse for the negotiations which Lord +Lansdowne, in a fit of war-weariness, has advocated in his +letter to the <i>Daily Telegraph</i>. His unfortunate intervention, +playing into the hands of Pacificists and Pro-Boches, is all the +more to be deplored in a public servant who has crowned a +long, disinterested and distinguished career by an act of +grievous disservice to his country. British grit will win, +declares Sir William Robertson; but our elderly statesmen +must refrain from dropping theirs into the machinery. Happily +the Government are determined to give no more publicity to +the letter than they can help. On the Vote of Credit for +550 millions the Chancellor of the Exchequer has been invited +by Mr. Dillon to make a survey of the military situation, and has +replied that all the relevant facts are known already. "The +War is going on; the Government and the country intend it +shall go on; and money is necessary to make it go on." That +was a good answer to a member who has certainly done little +to receive special consideration. Not only do we need money; +we need men to supply the gaps caused by our withdrawal of +troops to Italy and the constant wastage on all fronts.</p> + +<p>Mr. Balfour, as we have seen, abstains from prophecy. +Mr. Dillon, who, with other Nationalists, bitterly resents the +decision of the Government to apply the rules of arithmetic +to the redistribution of seats in their beloved country, has +indulged in a terrifying forecast which ought to be placed on +record. He has threatened the House with the possibility that +at the next General Election he and his colleagues might be +wiped out of existence.</p> + +<p>Tommy is a very great man, but he is not a great linguist, +though he always gets what he wants by the aid of signs or telepathy. +Three years and some odd months have not changed +his point of view, and now for Thomas to find himself in Italy +is only to discover another lot of people who cannot understand +or make themselves understood. "Alliances," as a correspondent +from Italy puts it, "are things as wonderful to see as +they are magnificent to read about. I do, however, regard with +something approaching alarm the new language which will +be evolved to put the lot of us on complete speaking terms."</p> + +<a name="THE_NEED_OF_MEN"></a> +<center><img src="images/208.png" alt="THE NEED OF MEN"></center> +<h4>THE NEED OF MEN<br> +<br> +MR. PUNCH (to the Comber-out): "More power to your +elbow, sir. But when are you going to fill up that silly gap?"<br> + +SIR AUCKLAND GEDDES: "Hush! Hush! We're waiting for +the Millennium."</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_NEW_LANGUAGE"></a> +<center><img src="images/209.png" alt="THE NEW LANGUAGE"></center> +<h4>THE NEW LANGUAGE<br> +<br> +TOMMY (to inquisitive French children): "Nah, then, alley toot sweet, an +the tooter the sweeter!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Lord Rhondda, who listened from the Peers' gallery to +the recent debate in the Commons on Food Control, has received +a quantity of advice intended to help him in minding +his p's and q's, particularly the latter. <a name="In_China"></a>In China, we read in +the <i>Daily Express</i>, a chicken can still be purchased for sixpence; +intending purchasers should note, however, that at +present the return fare to Shanghai brings the total cost to a +figure a trifle in excess of the present London prices. More +bread is being eaten than ever, according to the Food Controller: +but it appears that the stuff is now eaten by itself instead +of being spread thinly on butter, as in pre-war days. <a name="Bloaters"></a>Bloaters +have reached the unprecedented price of sixpence each. This +is no more, as we have seen, than a chicken fetches in China, +but it is enough to dispel the hope that bloaters, at any rate +over the Christmas season, would remain within the reach of +the upper classes. At a Guildford charity <i>fête</i> the winner of +a hurdle race has been awarded a new-laid egg. If he succeeds +in winning it three years in succession it is to become his own +property.</p> + +<p>Christmas has come round again, and peace still seems +a far-off thing. "What shall he have that killed the deer?" +someone asks somebody else in <i>As You Like It</i>. But +there is a better question than that, and it is this: "What +shall they have that preserve the little dears?" And the +answer is--honour and support. For there can be no doubt +that in these critical times, when the life of the best and +bravest and strongest is so cheap, no duty is more important +than the cherishing of infancy, and the provision of seasonable +joys to the youngest generation, gentle and simple. More than +ever Mr. Punch welcomes the coming of <a name="Santa_Klaus"></a>Santa Klaus:</p> + +<blockquote>Thou who on earth was namèd Nicholas--<br> + There be dull clods who doubt thy magic power<br> + To tour the sleeping world in half-an-hour,<br> +And pop down all the chimneys as you pass<br> + With woolly lambs and dolls of frabjous size<br> + For grubby hands and wonder-laden eyes.<br> +<br> +Not so thy singer, who believes in thee<br> + Because he has a young and foolish spirit;<br> + Because the simple faith that bards inherit<br> +Of happiness is still the master key,<br> + Opening life's treasure-house to whoso clings<br> + To the dim beauty of imagined things.<br></blockquote> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="January1918"></a>January, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>While avoiding as a rule the fashionable <i>rôle</i> of +prophet, Mr. Punch is occasionally tempted to indulge +in prediction. The year 1918, in which France is +greeting in increasing numbers the heirs of the Pilgrim Fathers, +is going to be America's year. As <a name="for_the_Kaiser"></a>for the Kaiser,</p> + +<blockquote>A Fatherland Poet was busy of late<br> +In making the Kaiser a new Hymn of Hate;<br> +Perhaps, ere its echoes have time to grow dim,<br> +The Huns may be learning a new Hate of Him.<br></blockquote> + +<p>In this prophetic strain Mr. Punch has been musing on the +fortunes of the Hohenzollerns under a German Republic. Will +the ex-Kaiser be appointed to the post of official Gatherer of +Scraps of Paper, or start in business as a second-hand wardrobe +dealer with a large assortment of slightly soiled uniforms? +Or will he be ordered to ring a joy-bell on the anniversary of +the inauguration of the German Republic?</p> + +<center><img src="images/211.png" alt="The ex-Kaiser is appointed to the post of official gatherer of scraps of paper."></center> +<h4>The ex-Kaiser is appointed to the post of official gatherer of scraps of paper.</h4> +<br><br> +<p>These are attractive speculations, but a trifle previous, while +hospital ships are still being torpedoed, <a name="U-boats_are_busy"></a>U-boats are busy at +Funchal, and the bonds of German influence and penetration +are being forged anew at Brest-Litovsk. The latest news +from that quarter seems to indicate that the Kaiser desires +peace--at any rate for the duration of the War. And +already there is a talk of a German counter-offensive on a +colossal scale on the Western front. So that Mr. Punch's +message for the New Year is couched in no spirit of premature +jubilation, but rather appeals for fortitude and endurance.</p> + +<a name="TO_ALL_AT_HOME"></a> +<center><img src="images/212.png" alt="TO ALL AT HOME"></center> +<h4>TO ALL AT HOME</h4> +<br><br> +<p>How needful such an appeal is may be gathered from the +proceedings at Westminster, less fit for the Mother than the +Mummy of Parliaments, where "doleful questionists" exhume +imaginary grievances or display their "nerve" by claiming +the increase in pay recently granted to fighting men for +<a name="conscientious_objectors_in_the_Non-Combatant_Corps"></a>conscientious objectors in the Non-Combatant Corps. The +interest taken by one of this group in Army Dentistry inspires +the wish that "the treatment of jaw-cases" mentioned by the +Under-Secretary for War could be applied on the Parliamentary +front. Head-hunting is in full swing. This classical sport, +as practised in Borneo, involved the discharge of poisoned +darts through a blow-pipe, and the House of Commons has +not materially altered the method. In the attack of January 23 +it is supposed that the Head of the Government was aimed +at; but most of the shots went wide and hit the Head of our +Army in France. Ministers have not distinguished themselves +except by their capacity for "butting-in " and eating their +words. Public opinion has been inflamed rather than enlightened +by the discussions on unity of command, and the +newspaper campaign directed against our War chiefs. <a name="Suffragists"></a>Meanwhile, +the Suffragists have triumphantly surmounted their last +obstacle in the House of Lords, and Votes for Women is now +an accomplished fact. But the Irish Andromeda still awaits +her Perseus, gazing wanly at her various champions in Convention. +The <a name="Ulstermanspleaforconscription"></a>Ulsterman's plea for conscription in Ireland +has been rejected after Sir Auckland Geddes had declared that +it would be of no use as a solution of the present difficulty. +He did not give his reasons, but they are believed to be Conventional. +Mr. Barnes has described the Government as +"living on the top of a veritable volcano," but, in spite of the +context, the phrase must not be taken to refer to the Minister +of Munitions, who, as everybody knows, cannot be sat upon.</p> + +<p><a name="Qwar"></a>Military experts tell us that this is a "Q" war, meaning +thereby that the Quartermaster-General's department is the +one that matters. Naval experts sometimes drop hints attaching +another significance to that twisty letter. Harassed house-keepers +are beginning to think that this is a "queue-war," and +look to Lord Rhondda to end it.<a name="elusive_rabbit"></a> For the moment the elusive rabbit +has scored a point against the Food Controller, but public +confidence in his ability is not shaken. All classes are being +drawn together by a communion of inconvenience. The sporting +miner's wife can no longer afford dog biscuits: "Our dog's got +to eat what we eats now." And the pathetic appeal of the smart +fashionable for lump sugar, on the ground that her darling +Fido cannot be expected to catch a spoonful of Demerara from +the end of his nose, leaves the grocer cold. A dairyman +charged with selling unsatisfactory milk has explained to the +Bench that his cows were suffering from shell-shock. He himself is now +suffering from shell-out-shock. At Ramsgate a shopkeeper has exhibited a +notice in his window announcing that "better days are in +store." What most people want is butter days.</p> + +<center><img src="images/214.png" alt="ORDERLY SERGEANT: "Lights out, there.""></center> +<h4>ORDERLY SERGEANT: "Lights out, there."<br> + +VOICE FROM THE HUT: "It's the moon, Sergint."<br> + +ORDERLY SERGEANT: "I don't give a d--- what it is. Put it out!" +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The disquieting activities of the "giddy <a name="Gotha"></a>Gotha" involve +drastic enforcement of the lighting orders, and the moon is still an +object of suspicion. Pessimists and those critics who are never content +unless each day brings a spectacular success, seem to have taken for +their motto: "It's not what I mean, but what I say, that +matters." But the moods of the non-combatant are truly chameleonic. +Civilians summoned to the War Office pass from confidence to abasement, +and from abasement to megalomania in the space of half an hour.</p> + +<p><a name="for_funds"></a>Turkey, it appears, has sent an urgent appeal to Berlin +for funds. The disaster to the <i><a name="Goeben"></a>Goeben</i> can be endured, since +the Sultan can now declare a foreshore claim, and do a little +salvage profiteering; but Palestine is another matter. Since +General Allenby's advance "running" expenses have swallowed +up a formidable total. <a name="geography"></a>The War is teaching us many things, +including geography. We are taking a lively interest in the +Ukraine, and the newspapers daily add to our stock of interesting +knowledge. Apropos of General Allenby's entry into +Jerusalem, we learn that "the predominance of the tar brush +in the streets added to the brightness of the scene," and in +connection with his return to Cairo, that "the <a name="MacCabean_Boy_Scouts"></a>MacCabean Boy Scouts" +took part in the reception--presumably the Cadet Corps +of the Jordan Highlanders. But the most reassuring news +comes from the enemy Press. "It is simply a miracle," says +the <i>Cologne Gazette</i>, "that the Germans have so loyally stood +by their leaders," and for once we are wholly in agreement with +our German contemporary.</p> + +<p>If Mr. Punch may exert his privilege of turning abruptly +to grave from gay, the claim may be allowed on behalf of the +youngest generation, already remembered in the chronicle of +last month.</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="CHILDREN_OF_CONSOLATION"></a>CHILDREN OF CONSOLATION</p> + +By the red road of storm and stress<br> + Their fathers' footsteps trod,<br> +They come, a cloud of witnesses,<br> + The messengers of God.<br> +<br> +Cradled upon some radiant gleam,<br> + Like living hopes they lie,<br> +The rainbow beauty of a dream<br> + Against a stormy sky.<br> +<br> +Before the tears of love were dried,<br> + Or anguish comfort knew,<br> +The gates of home were opened wide<br> + To let the pilgrims through.<br> +<br> +Pledges of faith, divinely fair,<br> + From peaceful worlds above<br> +Against the onslaught of despair<br> + They hold the fort of love.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="THE_CIVILIAN_AND_THE_WAR_OFFICE"></a> +<center><img src="images/216.png" alt="THE CIVILIAN AND THE WAR OFFICE"></center> +<h4>THE CIVILIAN AND THE WAR OFFICE</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="February1918"></a>February, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>"Watchman, what of the night?" The hours pass +amid the clash of rumours and discordant voices--optimist, pessimist, pacificist. Only in the answer of +the fighting man, who knows and says little, but is ready for +anything, do we find the best remedy for impatience and +misgiving:</p> + +<blockquote>"Soldier, what of the night?"<br> + "Vainly ye question of me;<br> +I know not, I hear not nor see;<br> + The voice of the prophet is dumb<br> +Here in the heart of the fight.<br> + I count the hours on their way;<br> +I know not when morning shall come;<br> + Enough that I work for the day."<br></blockquote> + +<p>The first <a name="Brest-Litovsk_Treaty"></a>Brest-Litovsk Treaty has been signed, followed +in nine days by the German invasion of Russia, an apt comment +on what an English paper, by a misprint which is really +an inspiration, calls "the Brest Nogotiations."</p> + +<p><a name="massacre_of_the_innocents"></a>The record of the Bolshevist régime is already deeply +stained with the massacre of the innocents, but Lenin and +Trotsky can plead an august example. More than fourteen +thousand British non-combatants--men, women and children--have +been murdered by the Kaiser's command. And the +rigorous suppression of the <a name="strikes_in_Berlin"></a>strikes in Berlin furnishes a useful +test of his recent avowals of sympathy with democratic ideals. +By way of a set-off the German Press Bureau has circulated +a legend of civil war in London, bristling with circumstantial +inaccuracies. The enemy's successes in the field--the occupation +of Reval and the recapture of Trebizond--are the direct +outcome of the Russian <i>débâcle</i>. Our <a name="capture_of_Jericho"></a>capture of Jericho marks +a further stage in a sustained triumph of good generalship +and hard fighting, which verifies an <a name="old_prophecy"></a>old prophecy current +among the Arabs in Palestine and Syria, viz. that when the +waters of the Nile flow into Palestine, a prophet from the +West will drive the Turk out of the Arab countries. The first +part of the prophecy was fulfilled by the pipe-line which has +brought Nile water (taken from the fresh-water canal) for the +use of the Egyptian Expeditionary Force across the Sinai +desert to the neighbourhood of Gaza. The second part was +fulfilled by the fact that General Allenby's name is rendered +in Arabic by exactly the same letters which form the words +"El Nebi," i.e. the Prophet.</p> + +<a name="THE_LIBERATORS"></a> +<center><img src="images/218.png" alt="THE LIBERATORS"></center> +<h4>THE LIBERATORS<br> +<br> +FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Let me see; we've made an end of Law, +Credit, Treaties, the Army and the Navy. Is there anything else +to abolish?"<br> + +SECOND BOLSHEVIK: "What about War?"<br> + +FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Good! And Peace too. Away with both +of 'em!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>At home we have seen the end of the seventh session of a +Parliament which by its own rash Act should have committed +suicide two years ago. Truly the Kaiser has a lot to answer +for. On the last day but one of the session 184 questions were +put, the information extracted from Ministers being, as usual, +in inverse ratio to the curiosity of the questioners. The opening +of the eighth session showed no change in this respect. +The debate on the Address degenerated into a series of personal +attacks on the Premier by members who, not without high +example, regard this as the easiest road to fame. The only +persons who have a right to congratulate themselves on the +discussion are the members of the German General Staff, who +may not have learned anything that they did not know before, +but have undoubtedly had certain shrewd suspicions confirmed. +Mr. Bonar Law, in one of his engaging bursts of self-revelation, +observed that he had no more interest in this Prime Minister +than he had in the last; but the House generally seemed to +agree with Mr. Adamson, the Labour leader, who, before +changing horses again, wanted to be sure that he was going +to get a better team.<a name="took_his_seat"></a> A week later, on the day on which the +Prince of Wales took his seat in the Lords, Lord Derby +endeavoured to explain why the Government had parted with +Sir William Robertson, the Chief of the Imperial Staff, and +replaced him by General Wilson. It is hard to say whether +the Peers were convinced. Simultaneously in the House of +Commons the Prime Minister was engaged in the same task, +but with greater success. Mr. Lloyd George has no equal +in the art of persuading an audience to share his faith in himself. +How far our military chiefs approved the recent decision +of the <a name="Versailles_Conference"></a>Versailles Conference is not known. <a name="Eastern_Command_at_home"></a>But everyone +applauds the patriotic self-effacement of Sir William Robertson +in silently accepting the Eastern Command at home.</p> + +<p>In Parliament the <a name="question_of_food"></a>question of food has been discussed in +both Houses with the greatest gusto. Throughout the country +it is the chief topic of conversation.</p> + +<a name="SECRET_DIPLOMACY"></a> +<center><img src="images/220.png" alt="SECRET DIPLOMACY"></center> +<h4>SECRET DIPLOMACY<br> +<br> +WIFE: "George, there are two strange men digging up the garden."<br> + +GEORGE: "It's all right, dear. A brainy idea of mine to get the garden +dug up. I wrote an anonymous letter to the Food Controller and told him +there was a large box of food buried there."<br> + +WIFE: "Heavens! But there <i>is</i>!" +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>To the <a name="ordinary_queues"></a>ordinary queues +we now have to add processions of conscientious disgorgers +patriotically evading prosecution. The problem "Is tea a +food or is it not? " convulses our Courts, and the axioms of +Euclid call for revision as follows:</p> + +<p>"Parallel lines are those which in a queue, if only produced +far enough, never mean meat."</p> + +<p>"If there be two queues outside two different butchers' +shops, and the length and the breadth of one queue be equal +to the length and breadth of the other queue, each to each, +but the supplies in one shop are greater than the supplies in +the other shop, then the persons in the one queue will get +more meat than those in the other queue, which is absurd, and +Rhondda ought to see about it."</p> + +<p>All the same, Lord Rhondda is a stout fellow who goes on +his way with an imperviousness to criticism--criticism that is +often selfish and contemptible--which augurs well for his +ultimate success in the most thankless of all jobs.</p> + +<center><img src="images/221.png" alt="INDIGNANT WAR-WORKER: "And she actually asked me if I didn't think I +might be doing something! Me? And I haven't missed a charity matinée for +the last three months.""></center> +<h4>INDIGNANT WAR-WORKER: "And she actually asked me if I didn't think I +might be doing something! Me? And I haven't missed a charity matinée for +the last three months."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Food_at_the_front"></a>Food at the front is another matter, and Mr. Punch is glad +to print the tribute of one of his war-poets to the "Cookers":</p> + +<blockquote>The Company Cook is no great fighter,<br> + And there's never a medal for <i>him</i> to wear,<br> +Though he camps in the shell-swept waste, poor blighter,<br> + And many a cook has "copped it" there;<br> +But the boys go over on beans and bacon,<br> + And Tommy is best when Tommy has dined,<br> +So here's to the Cookers, the plucky old Cookers,<br> + And the sooty old Cooks that waddle behind.<br></blockquote> + +<p>"It is Germany," says a German paper, "who will speak +the last word in this War." Yes, and the last word will be +"Kamerad!" But that word will be spoken in spite of many +pseudo-war-workers on the Home Front.</p> + +<p>Among the many wonders of the War one of the most +wonderful is the sailor-man, three times, four times, five times +torpedoed, who yet wants to sail once more. But there is one +thing that he never wants to do again--to "pal" with Fritz +the square-head:</p> + +<blockquote>"When peace is signed and treaties made an' trade begins again,<br> +There's some'll shake a German's 'and an' never see the stain;<br> +But <i>not me</i>," says Dan the sailor-man, "not me, as God's on high--<br> +Lord knows it's bitter in an open boat to see your shipmates die."<br></blockquote> + +<p>Among the ignoble curiosities of the time we note the +following advertisements in a Manchester newspaper of "wants" +in our "indispensable" industries: "Tennis ball inflators, +cutters and makers" and "Caramel wrappers"; while a +Brighton paper has "Wanted, two dozen living flies weekly +during the remainder of winter for two Italian frogs."</p> + +<p>The situation in Ireland remains unchanged, and suggests +the following historical division of eras. (1) Pagan era; +(2) Christian era; (3) De Valera.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="March1918"></a>March, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>Once again the month of the War-God has been true +to its name. March, opening in suspense, with the +Kaiser and his Chancellor still talking of peace, has +closed in a crisis of acute anxiety for the Allies. The expected +has happened; the long-advertised German attack has been +delivered in the West, and the war of movement has begun.</p> + +<p>Breaking through the <a name="Fifth_British_Army"></a>Fifth British Army, in five days the +Germans have advanced twenty-five miles, to within artillery +range of Amiens and the main lateral railway behind the British +lines. <a name="Bapaume"></a>Bapaume and PĂ©ronne have fallen. The Americans +have entered the war <a name="in_the_firing_line"></a>in the firing line. It is the beginning +of the end, the supreme test of the soul of the nation:</p> + +<blockquote>The little things of which we lately chattered--<br> + The dearth of taxis or the dawn of Spring;<br> +Themes we discussed as though they really mattered,<br> + Like rationed meat or raiders on the wing;--<br> +<br> +How thin it seems to-day, this vacant prattle,<br> + Drowned by the thunder rolling in the West,<br> +Voice of the great arbitrament of battle<br> + That puts our temper to the final test.<br> +<br> +Thither our eyes are turned, our hearts are straining,<br> + Where those we love, whose courage laughs at fear,<br> +Amid the storm of steel around them raining,<br> + Go to their death for all we hold most dear.<br> +<br> +New-born of this supremest hour of trial,<br> + In quiet confidence shall be our strength,<br> +Fixed on a faith that will not take denial<br> + Nor doubt that we have found our soul at length.<br> +<br> +O England, staunch of nerve and strong of sinew,<br> + Best when you face the odds and stand at bay;<br> +Now show a watching world what stuff is in you!<br> + Now make your soldiers proud of you to-day!<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="Of_our_soldiers"></a>Of our soldiers we at home cannot be too proud, from +Field-Marshal to officer's servant. As one of Mr. Punch's +correspondents at the front writes: "Dawn to me hereafter +will not be personified as a rosy-fingered damsel or a lovely +swift-footed deity, but as a sturdy little man in khaki, +crimson-eared +with cold, heralded and escorted by frozen wafts of outer +air, bearing in one knobby fist a pair of boots, and in the other +a tin mug of black and smoking tea." As for the charities and +courtesies of war, as interpreted by our soldiers, Mr. Punch +can wish for no better illustration than in these lines on "The +German graves":</p> + +<blockquote>I wonder are there roses still<br> + In Ablain St. Nazaire,<br> +And crosses girt with daffodil<br> + In that old garden there.<br> +I wonder if the long grass waves<br> + With wild-flowers just the same,<br> +Where Germans made their soldiers' graves<br> + Before the English came?<br> +<br> +The English set those crosses straight<br> + And kept the legends clean;<br> +The English made the wicket-gate<br> + And left the garden green;<br> +And now who knows what regiments dwell<br> + In Ablain St. Nazaire?<br> +But I would have them guard as well<br> + The graves we guarded there.<br> +<br> +And when at last the Prussians pass<br> + Among those mounds and see<br> +The reverent cornflowers crowd the grass<br> + Because of you and me,<br> +They'll give, perhaps, one humble thought<br> + To all the "English fools"<br> +Who fought as never men have fought<br> + But somehow kept the rules.<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<a name="MADE_IN_GERMANY"></a> +<center><img src="images/224.png" alt="MADE IN GERMANY"></center> +<h4>MADE IN GERMANY<br> +<br> +CIVILISATION: "What's that supposed to represent?"<br> + +IMPERIAL ARTIST: "Why, 'Peace,' of course."<br> + +CIVILISATION: "Well, I don't recognise it--and I never shall." +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>To turn from the crowning ordeal of our Armies to the +activities of British politicians on the eve of the great German +attack is not a soul-animating experience. Indeed, the efforts +of Messrs. Snowden and Trevelyan, Pringle and King almost +justify the assumption that Hindenburg would have launched +his offensive earlier but for his desire not to interfere with the +great offensive conducted by his friends on the Westminster +front. Our <a name="anti-patriots"></a>anti-patriots, however, are placed in a dilemma. +They were bound to side with Germany, because of their +rooted belief that England always must be wrong. They were +bound to hail the Bolshevik self-determinators because of their +entirely sound views on peace at any price. But now their two +loves are fighting like cats. Hence the problem: "Which am I +(both can't well be right), Pro-German or Pro-Trotskyite?" +Discussions of pig shortage, commandeered premises, the +relations of the Government and Press, and the duties of the +Directors of Propaganda leave us cold or impatient.<a name="Mr._John_Redmond"></a> But +members of all parties have been united in genuine grief over +the death of Mr. John Redmond, snatched away just when +his distracted country most needed his moderating influence. +For in their anxiety not to interfere with the deliberations of +those patriotic Irishmen who are trying to settle how Ireland +shall be governed in the future, the Government are allowing +it to become ungovernable by anybody. <a name="diagram"></a>A new and agreeable +Parliamentary innovation has been introduced by Sir Eric +Geddes in the shape of an immense diagram showing the +downward tendency of the U-boat activities. Other orators +might with advantage follow this method. Indeed, there are +some whose speeches would be more enjoyable if they were +all diagrams. As for that pledge of the New Citizenship, the +<a name="Education_Bill"></a>Education Bill, the debate on the second reading has been +such a long eulogy of its author that <a name="Mr._Fisher"></a>Mr. Fisher would be +well advised to offer a propitiatory sacrifice to Nemesis.</p> + +<a name="BY_SPECIAL_REQUEST"></a> +<center><center><img src="images/226.png" alt="BY SPECIAL REQUEST"></center></center> +<h4>BY SPECIAL REQUEST<br> +<br> +CUSTOMER: "Here, waiter, take a coupon off this and ask the band to play +five-penn'orth of 'The Roast Beef of Old England.'"</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Compulsory_rationing"></a>Compulsory rationing is now an established fact, and the +temporary disappearance of marmalade from the breakfast table +has called forth many a <i>cri de coeur</i>. As one lyrist puts it:</p> + +<blockquote>Let Beef and Butter, Rolls and Rabbits fade,<br> +But give me back my love, my Marmalade.<br></blockquote> + +<p>And another has addressed this touching vow to margarine:</p> + +<blockquote>Whether the years prove fat or lean<br> + This vow I here rehearse:<br> +I take you, dearest Margarine,<br> + For butter or for worse.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="standard_suits"></a>It is reported that the Government's standard suits for +men's wear will soon be available. One is occasionally tempted +to hope that women's costumes might be similarly standardised.</p> + +<a name="THE_COAT_THAT_DIDNT_COME_OFF"></a> +<center><img src="images/227.png" alt="THE COAT THAT DIDN'T COME OFF"></center> +<h4>THE COAT THAT DIDN'T COME OFF</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The German Press announces the death of the notorious +"<a name="Captain_of_Koepenick"></a>Captain of Koepenick," and the <i>Cologne Gazette</i> refers to +him as "the only man who ever succeeded in making the +German Army look ridiculous." This is the kind of subtle +flattery that the Hohenzollerns really appreciate.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="April1918"></a><i>April, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>We have reached the darkest hours of the War and +the clouds have not yet lifted, though the rate of the +German advance has already begun to slow down. +On the 11th the enemy <a name="broke_through_at_Armentières"></a>broke through at Armentières and +pushed their advantage till another wedge was driven into the +British line. On the 12th <a name="Sir_Douglas_Haig_issued"></a>Sir Douglas Haig issued his historic +order: "With our backs to the wall, and believing in the justice +of our cause, each one of us must fight to the end. The safety +of our homes and the freedom of mankind depend alike upon +the conduct of each one of us at the critical moment." The +Amiens line being under fire, it was impossible to bring French +reinforcements north in time to save Kemmel Hill and stave off +the menace to the Channel ports. The tale of our losses is +grievous, and for thousands and thousands of families +nothing can ever be the same again. The <a name="ordeal_of_Paris"></a>ordeal of Paris +has been renewed by shelling from the German long-distance +gun, the last and most sensational of German surprise-packets. +These are indeed dark days, yet already lit by hopeful omens--the +closer union of the Allies, the appointment of the greatest +French military genius, <a name="GeneralFochasGeneralissimo"></a>General Foch, as Generalissimo of the +Allied Forces, and his calm assurance that we have as yet lost +"nothing vital." America is pouring men into France and, +without waiting to complete the independent organisation of +her Army, has chivalrously sent her troops forward to be +brigaded with French and British units. Even now there are +optimists, who are not fools, who maintain that Germany has +shot her last bolt and knows that she is losing. It is at least +remarkable that German newspapers are daily excusing the +failure of their offensive to secure all its objectives. There is +clearly something wrong with the time-table and, in the race of +Man Power, time is on the side of the Allies.</p> + +<p>Truth, long gagged and disguised, is coming to light in +Germany. This has been the month of the <a name="Lichnowsky"></a>Lichnowsky disclosures--the +Memoir of their Ambassador, vindicating British +diplomacy and saddling Germany with the responsibility for +the War. The time of publication is indeed unfortunate for the +Kaiser, who has been telling us how bitterly he hates war.</p> + +<a name="THE_COMING_ARMY"></a> +<center><img src="images/229.png" alt="THE COMING ARMY"></center> +<h4>THE COMING ARMY<br> +<br> +FATHER: " Here's to the fighter of lucky eighteen!"<br> +SON: "And here's to the soldier of fifty!"</h4> +<br><br> +<blockquote>For now from German lips the world may know<br> + Facts that should want some skill for their confounding--<br> +How Potsdam forced alike on friend and foe<br> + A war of Potsdam's sole compounding.<br> +<br> +How you, who itched to see the bright sword lunged,<br> + Still bleating peace like innocent lambs in clover,<br> +In all that bloody business you were plunged<br> + Up to your neck and something over.<br> +<br> +And, having fed on little else but lies,<br> + Your people, with the hollow place grown larger<br> +Now that the truth has cut off these supplies,<br> + May want your head upon a charger.<br> +</blockquote> + +<a name="THE_DEATH_LORD"></a> +<center><img src="images/230.png" alt="THE DEATH LORD"></center> +<h4>THE DEATH LORD<br> +<br> +THE KAISER (on reading the appalling tale of German losses): +"What matter, so we Hohenzollerns survive?"</h4> +<br> +<br><br> +<p>And what has England's answer been, apart from the +stubborn and heroic resistance of her men on the Western +Front? The answer is to be found in the immediate resolve +to raise the age limit for service to 50, still more in the glorious +<a name="exploit_of_Zeebrugge"></a>exploit of Zeebrugge and Ostend, in the incredible valour +of the men who volunteered for and carried through what is +perhaps the most astonishing and audacious enterprise in the +annals of the Navy.</p> + +<p>The pageantry of war has gone, but here at least is a magnificence +of achievement and self-sacrifice on the epic scale which +beggars description and transcends praise. The hornet's nest +that has pestered us so long, if not rooted out, has been badly +damaged; our sailors, dead and living, have once more proved +themselves masters of the impossible.</p> + +<p><a name="Irish_bog"></a>At home Parliament, resuming business after the Easter +recess, began by giving a second Reading to a Drainage Bill, +and ended its first sitting in an Irish bog. Ireland throughout +the month has dominated the proceedings, aloof and irreconcilable, +brooding over past wrongs, blind to the issues of the +War and turning her back on its realities. Mr. Lloyd George's +plan of making Home Rule contingent on compulsory service +has been described by Mr. O'Brien as a declaration of war +on Ireland. Another Nationalist Member, who at Question +time urged on the War Office the necessity of according to its +Irish employees exactly the same privileges and pay as were +given to their British confrères, protested loudly a little later +on against a Bill which <i>inter alia</i> extends to Irishmen the +privilege of joining in the fight for freedom. Mr. Asquith +questioned the policy of embracing Ireland in the Bill unless +you could get general consent. Mr. Bonar Law bluntly replied +that if Ireland was not to be called upon to help in this time of +stress there would be an end of Home Rule, and that if the +House would not sanction Irish conscription it would have to +get another Government. It remained for <a name="Lord_Dunraven"></a>Lord Dunraven, +before the passing of the Bill in the House of Lords, to produce +as "a very ardent Home Ruler" the most ingenious excuse for +his countrymen's unwillingness to fight that has yet been heard. +Ireland, he tells us, has been contaminated by the British +refugees who had fled to that country to escape military service.</p> +<br> + +<a name="drakesway"></a> +<center><img src="images/232.png" alt="DRAKE'S WAY"></center> +<h4>DRAKE'S WAY<br> +<br> +Zeebrugge, St. George's Day, 1918<br> + +ADMIRAL DRAKE (to Admiral Keyes): "Bravo, sir. Tradition +holds. My men singed a King's beard, and yours have singed a +Kaiser's moustache."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The Prime Minister, in reviewing the military situation, has +attributed the success of the Germans to their possessing the +initiative and to the weather. Members have found it a little +difficult to understand why, if even at the beginning of March +the Allies were equal in numbers to the enemy on the West and +if, thanks to the <a name="foresight_of_the_Versailles"></a>foresight of the Versailles Council, they knew in +advance the strength and direction of the impending blow, +they ever allowed the initiative to pass to the Germans. It is +known that hundreds of thousands of men have been rushed out +of England since the last week of March. Why, if Sir Douglas +Haig asked for reserves, were they not sent sooner? These +mysteries will be resolved some day.<a name="Trenchard"></a> Meanwhile General +Trenchard, late chief of the Air Staff, and by general consent +an exceptionally brilliant and energetic officer, has retired into +the limbo that temporarily contains Lord Jellicoe and Sir William +Robertson. But Lord Rothermere (Lord Northcliffe's brother), +who still retains the confidence of Mr. Pemberton Billing. +remains, and all is well. The enemy possibly thinks it even +better. "At least we should keep our heads," declared Mr. +Pringle during the debate on the Man-Power Bill. We are +not sure about this. It depends upon the heads.</p> + +<p>It is a pity that the "New Oxford Dictionary" should have +so nearly reached completion before the War and the emergence +of hundreds of new words, now inevitably left out. The +Air service has a new language of its own, witness the conversation +faithfully reported by an expert:</p> + +<p>SCENE: R.F.C. CLUB. +TIME: EVERY TIME.</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>. Why, it's Brown-Jones!</p> + +<p><i>Second Pilot</i>. Hullo, old thing! What are you doing now?</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>. Oh, I'm down at Puddlemarsh teaching huns--monoavros, pups and dolphins.</p> + +<p><i>Second Pilot</i>. I'm on the same game, down at Mudbank--sop-two-seaters +and camels. We've got an old tinside, too, for joy-riding.</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>. You've given up the rumpety, then?</p> + +<p><i>Second Pilot</i>. Yes. I was getting ham-handed and mutton-fisted, +flapping the old things every day; felt I wanted to stunt +about a bit.</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>. Have you ever butted up against Robinson-Smith +at Mudbank? He was an ack-ee-o, but became a hun.</p> + +<p><i>Second Pilot</i>. Yes, he crashed a few days ago--on his first +solo flip, taking off--tried to zoom, engine konked, bus stalled--sideslip--nose-dive. Not hurt, though. What's become of Smith-Jones? Do you know?</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>. Oh, yes. He's on quirks and ack-ws. He tried +spads, but got wind up. Have you seen the new-----?</p> + +<p><i>Second Pilot</i>. Yes, it's a dud bus--only does seventy-five on +the ceiling. Too much stagger, and prop stops on a spin. Besides, +I never did care for rotaries. Full of gadgets too.</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>. Well, I must tootle off now. I'm flapping from +Northbolt at dawn if my old airship's ready--came down there +with a konking engine--plug trouble.</p> + +<p><i>Second Pilot</i>. Well, cheerio, old thing--weather looks dud--you're +going to have it bumpy in the morning, if you're on a pup.</p> + +<p><i>First Pilot</i>, Bye-bye, you cheery old bean. + <i>[Exeunt.</i><br> +</p> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_POLITICIAN_WHO_ADDRESSED_THE_TROOPS"></a> +<center><img src="images/234.png" alt="THE POLITICIAN WHO ADDRESSED THE TROOPS"></center> +<h4>THE POLITICIAN WHO ADDRESSED THE TROOPS</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The Emperor Karl of Austria, by his recent indiscretions, +is winning for himself the new title of "His Epistolic Majesty." +His <a name="suggestion_that_France_ought_to_have_Alsace-Lorraine"></a>suggestion that France ought to have Alsace-Lorraine has +grated on the susceptibilities of his brother Wilhelm. But a +new fastidiousness is to be noted in the Teuton character. +"Polygamy," says an article in a German review, "is essential +to the future of the German race, but a decent form must be +found for it."</p> + + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="May1918"></a><i>May, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>With the coming of May the Vision of Victory which +had nerved Germany to her greatest effort seemed +fading from her sight. <a name="Chemin_des_Dames"></a>With its last days we see them +making a second desperate effort to secure the prize, capturing +Soissons and the Chemin des Dames and pushing on to the +Marne. This time the French have borne the burden of the +onslaught, but Rheims is still held, the Americans are pouring +in to France at the rate of 250,000 a month, and have proved +their mettle at <a name="Cantigny"></a>Cantigny, a small fight of great importance, as +it "showed their fighting qualities under extreme battle conditions," +in General Pershing's words, and <a name="earned_the_praise"></a>earned the praise +of General Debeney for the "offensive valour" of our Allies.</p> + +<a name="The_Threatened_Peace_Offensive"></a> +<center><img src="images/236.png" alt="The Threatened Peace Offensive"></center> +<h4>THE THREATENED PEACE OFFENSIVE<br> +<br> +GERMAN EAGLE (to British Lion): "I warn you--a little more of this obstinacy and you'll +rouse the dove in me!"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The British troops have met Sir Douglas Haig's appeal as +we knew they would:</p> + +<blockquote>Their <i>will</i> to <i>win</i> let Boches bawl<br> +As loudly as they choose,<br> +When once our back's against the wall<br> +'Tis not our <i>wont to lose</i>.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Those who have gone back at the seventh wave are waiting +for the tide to turn. To the fainthearted or shaken souls who +contend that no victory is worth gaining at the cost of such +carnage and suffering, these lines addressed "To Any Soldier" +may serve as a solvent of their doubts and an explanation of +the mystery of sacrifice:</p> + +<blockquote>If you have come through hell stricken or maimed,<br> +Vistas of pain confronting you on earth;<br> +If the long road of life holds naught of worth<br> +And from your hands the last toil has been claimed;<br> +If memories of horrors none has named<br> +Haunt with their shadows your courageous mirth<br> +And joys you hoped to harvest turn to dearth,<br> +And the high goal is lost at which you aimed;<br> +<br> +Think this--and may your heart's pain thus be healed--<br> +Because of me some flower to fruitage blew,<br> +Some harvest ripened on a death-dewed field,<br> +And in a shattered village some child grew<br> +To womanhood inviolate, safe and pure.<br> +For these great things know your reward is sure.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The Germans have reached <a name="Sevastopol"></a>Sevastopol, but the Kaiser's +Junior Partner in the South is only progressing in the wrong +direction. While Wilhelm is laboriously struggling to get +nearer the sea, Mehmed is getting farther and farther away +from it. The attitude of Russia remains obscure. Mr. Balfour +tells us that it is not the intention of the Government to appoint +an Ambassador to Russia. But there is talk of sending out +an exploration party to find out just where Russia has got +to. Russia, however, is not the only country whose attitude +is obscure. The Leader of the Irish Nationalist Party is reported +to have said to a New York interviewer: "We believe +that the cause of the Allies is the cause of Freedom throughout +the world." At the same time, while repudiating the policy of +the Sinn Feiners, he admitted that he had co-operated with +them in their resistance to the demand that Ireland should +defend the cause of Freedom. The <a name="creed_of_Sinn_Fein"></a>creed of Sinn Fein--"Ourselves +Alone"--is at least more logical than that of these +neutral Nationalists:</p> + +<blockquote>And is not ours a noble creed<br> + With Self uplifted on the throne?<br> +Why should we bleed for others' need?<br> + Our motto is "Ourselves Alone."<br> +<br> +Why prate of ruined lands out there,<br> + Of churches shattered stone by stone?<br> +We need not care how others fare,<br> + We care but for "Ourselves Alone."<br> +<br> +Though mothers weep with anguished eyes<br> + And tortured children make their moan,<br> +Let others rise when Pity cries;<br> + We rise but for "Ourselves Alone."<br> +<br> +Let Justice be suppressed by Might,<br> + And Mercy's seat be overthrown;<br> +For Truth and Right the fools may fight,<br> + We fight but for "Ourselves Alone."<br></blockquote> + +<p>Meanwhile, the gentle <a name="Mr._Duke_has_retired"></a>Mr. Duke has retired from the Chief +Secretaryship to the Judicial Bench; <a name="Mr._Shortt"></a>Mr. Shortt, his successor, +recently voted against conscription for Ireland; Lord French, +<a name="the_new_Viceroy"></a>the new Viceroy, is believed to favour it. The appointments +seem to have been made on the cancelling-out principle, and +are as hard to reconcile as the ministerial utterances on the recent +German push. Thus Mr. Macpherson declared that the crisis +came upon us like a thief in the night, while on the same day +Mr. Churchill observed that the German offensive had opened +a month later than we had calculated, and consequently our +reserves in munitions were correspondingly larger than they +would have been. Anyhow, it is a good hearing that the lost +guns, tanks, and aeroplanes have all been more than replaced, +and the stores of ammunition completely replenished, while +at the same time munition workers have been released for the +Army at the rate of a thousand <i>a</i> day. These results have been +largely due to the wonderful work of the women, who turned +out innumerable shells of almost incredible quality--not like +that depicted by our artist.</p> + +<a name="THE_DUD"></a> +<center><img src="images/239.png" alt="THE DUD"></center> +<h4>THE DUD</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Mr. Bonar Law has brought in his Budget and asked for +a trifle of 842 millions. We are to pay more for our letters, +our cheques, and our tobacco. The <a name="Penny_Postage"></a>Penny Postage has gone, +and the Penny Pickwick with it.<a name="Maurice_Affair"></a> For the rest we have had the +Maurice Affair, which looked like a means of resurrecting the +Opposition but ended in giving the Government a new lease of +life, and<a name="pill-boxes"></a> Sir Eric Geddes has given unexpected support to the +allegations that the German pill-boxes were made of British +cement. At least he admitted that the port of Zeebrugge was +positively congested with shiploads of the stuff. <a name="Proportional_Representation"></a>Proportional Representation +has been knocked out for the fifth time in this +Parliament; and we have to thank Sir Mark Sykes for telling +us that the <a name="Whips_definition_of_a_crank"></a>Whip's definition of a crank is "a wealthy man who +does not want a Knighthood, or a nobleman who does not want +to be an Under-Secretary."</p> + +<p>War is a great leveller.<a name="opera_by_an_English_composer"></a> The Carl Rosa Company are about +to produce an opera by an English composer. And war <i>is +</i> teaching us to revise our histories. For example, "'Nelson,' +the greatest naval pageant film ever attempted, will," says the +<i>Daily News</i>, "tell the love story of Nelson's life and the outstanding +incidents of his career, including the destruction of +the Spanish Armada." No scandal about Queen Elizabeth, we +trust. The <i><a name="Daily_News"></a>Daily News</i>, by the way, is much exercised by +Mr. Punch's language towards the enemy, which it describes +as being in the Billingsgate vein. In spite of which rebuke, +and at the risk of offending the readers of that patriotic organ, +Mr. Punch proposes to go on saying just what he thinks of +the Kaiser and his friends.</p> + +<p>The price of tobacco, as we have seen, is becoming a serious +matter, but Ireland proposes to grapple with the problem in +her own way. The Ballinasloe Asylum Committee, according +to an announcement in the <i>Times</i> of May 14, have decided, +with the sanction of the authorities, to grow tobacco leaf for +the use of their inmates. "A doctor said that if the patients +were debarred from an adequate supply of tobacco there would +be no controlling them."</p> + +<p>As a set-off to the anti-"Cuthbert" campaign in the Press +the War Cabinet has in its Report declared that "the whole +Empire owes the Civil Service a lasting debt of gratitude." +It looks as if there was something in red tape after all. We +must not, however, fail to recognise the growth of the new +competitive spirit in the sphere of production, and Mr. Punch +looks forward to the establishment of Cup Competitions for +Clydesdale Riveters and London <a name="Allotment_workers"></a>Allotment workers. Woman's +work in munition factories has already been applauded; her +services on the land are now more in need than ever.</p> + +<a name="WOMAN_POWER"></a> +<center><img src="images/241.png" alt="WOMAN POWER"></center> +<h4>WOMAN POWER<br> +<br> +CERES: "Speed the plough!"<br> + +PLOUGHMAN: "I don't know who you are, ma'am, but it's no good speeding +the plough unless we can get the women to do the harvesting."<br> + +(Fifty thousand more women are wanted on the land to take the place of men called to +the colours, if the harvest is to be got in.)</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="June1918"></a><i>June, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>The danger is not past, but grounds for hope multiply. +The new German assault between Montdidier and Noyon +has brought little substantial gain at heavy cost. +The attacks towards Paris have been held, and Paris, with +admirable fortitude, makes little of the attentions of "Fat +Bertha." "The struggle must be fought out," declared the +Kaiser in the recent anniversary of his accession to the throne. +In the meanwhile no opportunities of talking it out will be overlooked +by the enemy. He is once more playing the old game of striving to +promote discord between the Allies. At the very moment when the official +communiqués announced the capture of 45,000 prisoners, the +Chancellor began a <a name="new_peace_offensive"></a>new peace offensive, aimed primarily at France, and +supported by mendacious reports that the French Government were starting +for Bordeaux, Clemenceau overthrown, and Foch disgraced. But the +<a name="campaign_of_falsehood"></a>campaign of falsehood has proved powerless to shake France or impose on +the German people. Commandeered enthusiasm is giving place to grave +discontent. The awakening of Germany has begun, and the promise of a +speedy peace falls on deaf ears. In the process of enlightenment the +Americans have played a conspicuous part, in spite of the persistent +belittlement of the military experts in the official German Press. The +stars in their courses have sometimes seemed to fight for Germany, but +they are withdrawing their aid.</p> + +<a name="COMPLETE_ACCORD"></a> +<center><img src="images/243.png" alt=""COMPLETE ACCORD"; OR, ALL DONE BY KINDNESS"></center> +<h4>"COMPLETE ACCORD"; OR, ALL DONE BY KINDNESS<br> +<br> +IMPERIAL TRAINER (to his dog Karl): "Now then, no nonsense: through you go!"</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_CELESTIAL_DUD"></a> +<center><img src="images/242.png" alt="THE CELESTIAL DUD."></center> +<h4>THE CELESTIAL DUD.<br> +<br> +KAISER: "Ha! A new and brilliant star added to my constellation +of the Eagle!"<br> +GENERAL FOCH: "On the wane, I think."<br> +(It is anticipated in astronomical circles that the new star, <i>Nova Aquilae</i>, will shortly disappear.) +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The long struggle between <a name="vonKĂĽhlmann"></a>von Kühlmann and the generals +has ended in the fall of the Minister; but not before he had +indicated to the Reichstag the possibility of another Thirty +Years' War, and asserted that no intelligent man ever entertained +the wish that Germany should attain world-domination. +There was a time when this frank reflection on the Hohenzollern +intelligence would have constituted <i>lèse-majesté.</i> +Coming from a Minister it amounts to a portent. Now he has +gone, but the growing belief that military operations cannot +end the war has not been scotched by his fall, and <a name="Hertling"></a>Herr Erzberger +vigorously carries on the campaign against Chancellor +Hertling and the generals. Austria has been at last goaded +into resuming the offensive on the Italian Front and met with +<a name="a_resounding_defeat"></a>a resounding defeat. It remains to be seen how Turkey and +Bulgaria will respond to the urgent appeals of their exacting +master.</p> + +<p>The <a name="ordeal"></a>ordeal of our men on the Western Front is terrible, +but they have at least one grand and heartening stand-by in +the knowledge that they have plenty of guns and no lack of +shells behind them. This is the burden of the "<a name="Song_of_Plenty"></a>Song of Plenty" +from an old soldier to a young one:</p> + +<blockquote>The shelling's cruel bad, my son,<br> + But don't you look too black,<br> +For every blessed German one<br> + He gets a dozen back--<br> +But I remember the days<br> + When shells were terrible few<br> +And never the guns could bark and blaze<br> + The same as they do for you.<br> +<br> +But they sat in the swamp behind, my boy, and prayed for a tiny shell,<br> +While Fritz, if he had the mind, my boy, could give us a first-class hell;<br> +And I know that a 5.9 looks bad to a bit of a London kid,<br> +But I tell you you were a lucky lad to come out when you did.<br> +<br> +Up in the line again, my son,<br> + And dirty work, no doubt,<br> +But when the dirty work is done<br> + They'll take the Regiment out--<br> +But I remember a day<br> + When men were terrible few<br> +And we hadn't reserves a mile away<br> + The same as there are for you,<br> +<br> +But fourteen days at a stretch, my boy, and nothing about relief;<br> + Fight and carry and fetch, my boy, with rests exceeding brief;<br> +And rotten as all things sometimes are, they're not as they used to be,<br> + And you ought to thank your lucky star you didn't come out with me.</blockquote> + + +<p>Our mercurial Premier lays himself open to a good deal +of legitimate criticism, but for this immense relief, unstinted +thanks are due to his energy and the devoted labours of the +munition workers, women as well as men.</p> + +<p>The Admiralty have decided not to publish the Zeebrugge +<a name="Zeebruggedispatches"></a> +dispatches for fear of giving information to the enemy. <a name="Keyes"></a>All +he knows at present is that a score and more of his torpedo-boats, +submarines, and other vessels have been securely locked +up in the Bruges Canal by British Keyes. The Minister of +Pensions has told the House the moving story of what has +already been done to restore, so far as money and care can do +it, the broken heroes of the War, and Lord Newton's alleged +obstructiveness in regard to the treatment and exchange of +prisoners has been discussed in the Lords. Mr. Punch's own +impression is that Lord Newton owes his unmerited position +as whipping boy to the fact that he does not suffer fools gladly, +even if they come in the guise of newspaper reporters; and +that, unlike his illustrious namesake, he has no use for the +theory of gravity. Meanwhile the Kaiser, with a sublime disregard +for sunk hospital-ships and bombed hospitals, continues +to exhibit his bleeding heart to an astonished world.</p> + +<a name="A_PITIFUL_POSE"></a> +<center><img src="images/246.png" alt="A PITIFUL POSE"></center> +<h4>A PITIFUL POSE<br> +<br> +TEUTON CROCODILE: "I do so feel for the poor British wounded. +I only wish we could do more for them."<br> +"We Germans will preserve our conception of Christian duty towards the sick and wounded" +--<i>From recent remarks of the Kaiser reported by a German correspondent</i>.)</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Now that the Food Controller has got into his stride, the +nation has begun to realise the huge debt it owes to his firmness +and organising ability, and is proportionately concerned to +hear of his breakdown from overwork.<a name="queues_have_disappeared"></a> The queues have disappeared, +supplies are adequate, and there are no complaints +of class-favouritism.</p> + +<center><img src="images/247.png" alt="BOBBY (at the conclusion of dinner): "Mother, I don't know how it is, but +I never seem to get that--that--nice sick feeling nowadays.""></center> +<h4>BOBBY (at the conclusion of dinner): "Mother, I don't know how it is, but +I never seem to get that--that--nice sick feeling nowadays."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>It is remarkable how the British soldier will pick up languages, +or at least learn to interpret them. Only last week an +American corporal stopped a British Sergeant and said: "Say, +Steve, can you put me wise where I can barge into a boiled-shirt +biscuit-juggler who would get me some eats?" And the +Sergeant at once directed him to a café. The <a name="training_of_the_new_armies"></a>training of the new armies, +to judge by the example depicted by our artist, +affords fresh proof of the saying that love is a <i>liberal</i> education.</p> + +<p>The situation on the Parliamentary Front has been fairly +quiet. The popular pastime of asking when the promised Home +Rule Bill is to be introduced is no longer met by suitably +varied but invariably evasive replies. The Government has +now frankly admitted that the policy of running Home Rule +and Conscription in double harness has been abandoned, and +expects better things from the new pair: Firm Government and +Voluntary Recruiting. But sceptics are unconvinced that the +Government will abandon the leniency prompted by "the insane +view of creating an atmosphere in which something incomprehensible +is to occur."</p> + +<center><img src="images/248.png" alt="MISTRESS (as the new troops go by)"></center> +<h4>MISTRESS (as the new troops go by): "Which of them is your cousin?"<br> +NURSEMAID (unguardedly): "I don't know yet, ma'am."</h4> +<br><br> + +<p><a name="Order_of_the_British_Empire"></a>The lavish and, in many cases, inexplicable distribution of +the Order of the British Empire bids fair to add a peculiar +lustre to the undecorated. The War has produced no stranger +paradox than the case of the gentleman who within the space +of seven days was sentenced to six months' imprisonment for +a breach of the Defence of the Realm regulations and recommended +for the O.B.E. on account of good services to the +country. The fact that the recommendation was withdrawn +hardly justified the assumption of a Pacificist Member that a +sentence under the Defence of the Realm Act was regarded as +the higher honour of the two.</p> + +<p>There is one thing, however, that war at its worst cannot +do. It cannot make an Englishman forgo that peculiar and +blessed birthright which enables him to overthrow the Giant +Despair with the weapon of whimsical humour--in other words, +to write, as a young officer has written for Mr. Punch, such a +set of verses as the following in June, 1918:</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="THE_BEST_SMELL_OF_ALL"></a>THE BEST SMELL OF ALL</p> + +When noses first were carved for men<br> + Of varied width and height,<br> +Strange smells and sweet were fashioned then<br> + That all might know delight--<br> +Smells for the hooked, the snub, the fine,<br> + The pug, the gross, the small,<br> +A smell for each, and one divine<br> + Last smell to soothe them all.<br> +<br> +The baccy smell, the smell of peat,<br> + The rough gruff smell of tweed,<br> +The rain smell on a dusty street<br> + Are all good smells indeed;<br> +The sea smell smelt through resinous trees,<br> + The smell of burning wood,<br> +The saintly smell of dairies--these<br> + Are all rich smells and good.<br> +<br> +And good the smell the nose receives<br> + From new-baked loaves, from hops,<br> +From churches, from decaying leaves,<br> + From pinks, from grocers' shops;<br> +And smells of rare and fine bouquet<br> + Proceed, the world allows,<br> +From petrol, roses, cellars, hay,<br> + Scrubbed planks, hot gin and cows.<br> +<br> +But there's a smell that doth excel<br> + All other smells by far,<br> +Even the tawny stable smell<br> + Or the boisterous smell of tar;<br> +A smell stupendous, past compare,<br> + The king of smells, the prize,<br> +That smell which floods the startled air<br> + When home-cured bacon fries!<br> +<br> +All other smells, whate'er their worth,<br> + Though dear and richly prized,<br> +Are earthy smells and of the earth,<br> + Are smells disparadised;<br> +But when that smell of smells awakes<br> + From ham of perfect cure,<br> +It lifts the heart to heaven and makes<br> + The doom of Satan sure.<br> +<br> +How good to sit at twilight's close<br> + In a warm inn and feel<br> +That marvellous smell caress the nose<br> + With promise of a meal!<br> +How good when bell for breakfast rings<br> + To pause, while tripping down,<br> +And snuff and snuff till Fancy brings<br> + All Arcady to Town!<br> +<br> +But best, when day's first glimmerings break<br> + Through curtains half withdrawn,<br> +To lie and smell it, scarce awake,<br> + In some great farm at dawn;<br> +Cocks crow, the milkmaid clanks the pails,<br> + The housemaid bangs the stairs;<br> +And BACON suddenly assails<br> + The nostrils unawares.<br> +<br> +Noses of varied width and height<br> + Doth kindly Heaven bestow,<br> +And choice of smells for our delight,<br> + That all some joy may know;<br> +Noses and smells for all the race<br> + That on this earth do dwell,<br> +And for a final act of grace<br> + The astounding bacon smell.<br></blockquote> + +<p>But the War has its drawbacks, and owing to its unexpected +prolongation there is a rumour that Mr. H.G. Wells +will readjust his ideas on the subject quarterly instead of twice +a week as before.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="July1918"></a>July, 1918.</i></h2> + +<p>"<a name="FrancesDay"></a>France's Day" was held on July 14 under the +auspices of the British Red Cross Committee. <a name="Marne"></a>But this +has been France's month, the month in which the miracle +of the first battle of the Marne has been equalled by the second, +and the Germans have been hurled back across the fatal river +by the tremendous counterstroke of General Foch.</p> + +<a name="HUN_TO_HUN"></a> +<center><img src="images/251.png" alt="HUN TO HUN"></center> +<h4>HUN TO HUN<br> +<br> +ATTILA (to Little Willie): "Speaking as one barbarian to another, I don't +recommend the neighbourhood. I found it a bit unhealthy myself."<br> +(Attila's victorious progress across Gaul was finally checked on the plains of Châlons.)</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="VERY_MUCH_UP"></a> +<center><img src="images/252.png" alt="VERY MUCH UP"></center> +<h4>VERY MUCH UP<br> +<br> +A Champagne Counter-Offensive</h4> +<br><br> +<p>On the 15th the Germans launched their great offensive. +On the 20th they recrossed the Marne, and are now entitled to +complain that General Foch not only took over the French +and British armies, but has recently started taking over a good +part of the German army. The neighbourhood has never been +a healthy one for the Huns since the days of Attila.</p> + +<p>Fritz has crossed the Marne and recrossed it--according to +plan--and is already on the way to the Aisne. The battle +of the rivers has begun again, but on new lines. Yet this amazing +turn of the tide has been taken very quietly in France and +England. The Allies have rung no joy-bells; they are content +with doing their best to give Germany no occasion for further +indulgence in that form of jubilation. And Germany is meeting +them more than half way, their authorities having ordered +a supplementary <a name="requisition_of_those_church-bells"></a>requisition of those church-bells which were +exempted when the first confiscation was made. "At this heavy +hour," said von Kühlmann to the Reichstag, "none of us fully +realise what we owe to the German Emperor." That was a +month ago; the realisation of their indebtedness has since +advanced by leaps and bounds. There are now 1,000,000 +Americans in France. But the Kaiser and his War-lords are +still passing their victims through the fire to the Pan-German +Moloch, and threatening to send German generals to teach +the Austrian Army how to win offensives. It is even reported +that the Germans contemplate placing the ex-king of Greece +on the throne of Finland. <a name="Ekaterinburg"></a>Fantastic rumours are rife in these +days; but there is only too good reason to believe the report +that the ex-Tsar, the Tsaritsa, and their daughters have all been +murdered by their brutal captors at Ekaterinburg. It seems +but yesterday when Nicholas was acclaimed as the Saviour +and regenerator of his people, and now Tsardom, irrevocably +fallen from its high estate, has gone down amid scenes of +butchery and barbarity that eclipse the Reign of Terror in +France.</p> + +<p>Little has happened at Westminster to indicate a consciousness +on the part of the members of the great and glorious +events in France. The Irish Expeditionary Force, after an +absence of three months and a severe training at home, has +returned to the Parliamentary Front, and their war-cry is +"Devlin's the friend, not Shortt!" But the Chief Secretary +was able to make the gratifying announcement that the voluntary +recruiting campaign is to be assisted by several Nationalist +M.P.'s, including Captain Stephen <a name="Gwynn"></a>Gwynn, who has been +serving in the trenches, and Colonel Lynch, who, having raised +one Irish brigade to fight against us in the Boer War, and been +sentenced to death for doing it, has now, with an inconsistency +we cannot too gratefully recognise, undertaken to raise another +to fight on our side. Mr. Bonar Law has revealed the interesting +fact that only 288 members of the House of Commons have +received titles, decorations, or offices of profit since it was +elected in December, 1910. The unnoticed residue are probably +wondering whether it is their own modesty or the shortsightedness +of Ministers that has caused them to be passed over. Mr. +Billing, after several pathetic but futile efforts to regain his +place in the limelight, has at last succeeded in getting himself +named, <a name="suspended"></a>suspended, and forcibly assisted by four stalwart +officials in his exit from the House--the most salutary movement, +in the opinion of most members, with which he has yet +been connected.</p> + +<p>Admiral Sir <a name="Rosslyn_Wemyss"></a>Rosslyn Wemyss, in a recent speech, said that +the association between the two Services, the Royal Navy and +the Mercantile Marine, had been so close during the War, +whatever that association might have been before, that it seemed +to him almost incredible that it could ever be broken asunder. +The First Sea Lord's statement is welcome and natural. But +there is nothing really new in this solidarity of the seas. The +Secret of the Ships is an old story:</p> + +<blockquote>On their ventures in the service of a Tudor King or Queen<br> + All the ships were just as like as they could be,<br> +For the merchantman gave battle, while the Royal ship was seen<br> + As a not too simple trader over-sea:<br> +Being heirs to ancient customs, when their upper sails came down<br> + As a token of respect in passing by,<br> +They would add the salutation in a language of their own,<br> + "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I."<br> +<br> +As the centuries receded came a parting of the ways<br> + Till in time the separation went so far<br> +That a family was founded who were traders all their days,<br> + And another who were always men-of-war;<br> +But whene'er they dipped their colours, one in faith, they understood--<br> + And the sea, who taught them both, could tell you why--<br> +That the custom never altered, so the greeting still held good,<br> + "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I."<br> +<br> +Then in days of common sacrifice and peril was it strange<br> + That they ratified the union of the past?<br> +While their Masters, unsuspecting, greatly marvelled at the change,<br> + But they prayed with all their souls that it would last;<br> +And the ships, who know the secret, go rejoicing on their way,<br> + For whatever be the ensign that they fly,<br> +Such as keep the seas with honour are united when they pray,<br> + "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I."<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<a name="WAR_PICTURES"></a> +<center><img src="images/255.png" alt=""WAR PICTURES""></center> +<h4>"WAR PICTURES"<br> +<br> +THE MOTHER: "Of course, I don't understand them, dear; but they give +me a dreadful feeling. I can't bear to look at them. Is it really like that at +the Front?"<br> +THE WARRIOR (who has seen terrible things in battle): "Thank heaven, no, +mother."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>England deplores the <a name="death_of_Lord_Rhondda"></a>death of Lord Rhondda, who achieved +success in the most irksome and invidious of offices. He +undertook the duties of Food Controller in broken health, never +spared himself, and died in harness. It is to be hoped that he +realised what was the truth--that he had won not only the +confidence but the gratitude of the public.</p> + +<p><a name="influenza"></a>Spain has rendered herself unpleasantly conspicuous by +developing and exporting a new form of influenza, and a +Spanish astrologer predicts the end of the world in a few +months' time. But we are not going to allow those petty +distractions to take our minds off the War. Here we may note +that Baron Burian's recent message indicates that but for the +War everything would be all right in Austria. Our artists +are certainly determined not to let us forget it. But the most +valuable pictures do not find their way into galleries, though +they do not lack appreciative spectators.</p> + +<center><img src="images/256.png" alt="CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "That's very clever. Who did it?""></center> +<h4>CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "That's very clever. Who did it?"<br> +SERGEANT. "Oh, that's by Perkins, sir--quite an expert. Used to paint +sparrows before the war and sell 'em for canaries."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>No record of the month would be complete without notice +of the unique way in which the<a name="Fourth_of_July"></a> Fourth of July has been celebrated +by John Bull and Uncle Sam in France. Truly such a +meeting as this does make amends.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="August1918"></a>August, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>July was a glorious month for the Allies, and August is +even better. It began with the recovery of Soissons; a week +later it was the turn of the British, and Sir Douglas Haig +struck hard on the Amiens front; since then the enemy have +been steadily driven back by the unrelenting pressure of the +Allies, <a name="Bapaume_and_Noyon"></a>Bapaume and Noyon have been recaptured, and with +their faces set for home the Germans have learnt to recognise +in a new and unpleasant sense the truth of the Kaiser's saying, +"The worst is behind us." The 8th of August was a bad day +for Germany, for it showed that the counter-offensive was not +to be confined to one section; that henceforth no respite would +be allowed from hammer-blows. The German High Command +endeavours to tranquillise the German people by <i>communiqués</i>, +the gist of which may thus be rendered in verse:</p> + +<blockquote>In those very identical regions<br> + That sunder the Marne from the Aisne<br> +We advanced to the rear with our legions<br> + Long ago and have done it again;<br> +Fools murmur of errors committed,<br> + But every intelligent man<br> +Has accepted the view that we flitted<br> + According to plan.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The <a name="French_rivers"></a>French rivers have found their voice again:</p> + +<blockquote> 'Twas the voice of the Marne<br> + That began it with "Garn!<br> + Full speed, Fritz, astarn!"<br> + Then the Ourcq and the Crise<br> + Sang "Move on, if you please."<br> + The Ardre and the Vesle<br> + Took up the glad tale,<br> + And cried to the Aisne<br> + "Wash out the Hun stain."<br> +So all the way back from the Marne the French rivers<br> +Have given the Boches in turn the cold shivers.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="ACCORDING_TO_PLAN"></a> +<center><img src="images/258.png" alt=""ACCORDING TO PLAN""></center> +<h4>"ACCORDING TO PLAN"<br> +<br> +LITTLE WILLIE: "Well, Father wanted a war of movement, and now he's got it!"</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="VON_POT_AND_VON_KETTLE"></a> +<center><img src="images/259.png" alt="VON POT AND VON KETTLE"></center> +<h4>VON POT AND VON KETTLE<br> +<br> +GERMAN GENERAL: "Why the devil don't you stop these Americans coming +across? That's your job."<br> +GERMAN ADMIRAL: "And why the devil don't you stop 'em when they <i>are</i> +across? That's yours."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Hindenburg has confided to a newspaper correspondent that +the German people need to develop the virtue of patience. +According to the <i>Berliner Tageblatt</i> he has declared that he +was not in favour of the July offensive. Ludendorff, on the +other hand, may fairly point out that it isn't his offensive any +longer. Anyhow, Hindenburg is fairly entitled to give Ludendorff +the credit of it since Ludendorff's friends have always +said that he supplied the old Mud-Marshal with brains. The +amenities of the High Command are growing lively, since the +Navy is also concerned, and the failure of the U-boats to check +the influx of American troops needs a lot of explaining away. +The good news from the Front has been received at home +with remarkable composure, when one considers the acute +anxiety of the last four months. But it is the way of England +to endure felicity with calmness and adversity with fortitude. +In the House of Lords Lord Inchcape and Lord Emmott have +been propitiating Nemesis by their warnings of the gloomy +financial future that is in store for us, while in the Commons +the Bolshevist group below the gangway are apparently much +perturbed by the prospect that Russia may be helped on to +her legs again by the Allies. Mr. Dillon's indictment of the +Government for their treatment of Ireland has had, however, +a welcome if unexpected result. Mr. Shortt, the new Chief +Secretary, an avowed and unrepentant Home Ruler, has been +telling Mr. Dillon's followers a few plain truths about themselves: +that they have made no effort to turn the Home Rule +Act into a practical measure; that instead of denouncing Sinn +Fein they had followed its lead; that they had attacked the +Irish executive when they ought to have supported it, and by +their refusal to help recruiting had forfeited the sympathy of +the British working classes. Mr. Lloyd George, in his review +of the War, <a name="warned_the_peacemongers"></a>warned the peacemongers not to expect their efforts +to succeed until the enemy knew he was beaten, but vouchsafed +no information as to his alleged intention to go to the country +in the political sense. In spite of the Premier's warning the +Pacificists made another futile attempt on the very next day +to convince the House that the Germans were ready to make +an honest peace if only our Government would listen to it. +They were well answered by Mr. Robertson, who was a Pacificist +himself until this War converted him, and by Mr. Balfour, +who declared that we were quite ready to talk to Germany as +soon as she showed any sign of a change of heart. Up to the +present there has been no sign of it.</p> + +<center><img src="images/260.png" alt="CHILD (who has been made much of by father home on leave for the first +time for two years): "Mummy dear, I like that man you call your husband.""></center> +<h4>CHILD (who has been made much of by father home on leave for the first +time for two years): "Mummy dear, I like that man you call your husband."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Food is still the universal topic. Small green apples, says +a contemporary, are proving popular. A boy correspondent, +however, desires Mr. Punch to say that he has a little inside +information to the contrary. Nottingham children, it is stated, are to +be paid 3d. a pound for gathering blackberries, but they are not to use +their own receptacles. Captain Amundsen is on his way to the Pole, but +we fear that he will not find any cheese there. The vocabulary of food +control has even made its way to the nursery. A small girl on being +informed by her nurse that a new little baby brother had come to live +with her promptly replied: "Well, he can't stay unless he's brought +his coupons,"</p> + +<center><img src="images/261.png" alt="LATEST ADDITION TO MINISTRY STAFF: "What's +the tea-time here?" +CICERONE: "Usual--three to five-thirty.""></center> +<h4>LATEST ADDITION TO MINISTRY STAFF: "What's +the tea-time here?"<br> +CICERONE: "Usual--three to five-thirty."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Yet one of Mr. +Punch's poets, in prophetic and optimistic strain, has +actually dared to speculate on the delights of life without +"Dora"; Dickens, with the foresight of genius, wrote in +"David Copperfield" how his hero "felt it would have been +an act of perfidy to Dora to have a natural relish for my dinner."</p> + +<p>The enterprise of <i>The Times</i> in securing the reminiscences of +the Kaiser's American dentist (or gum-architect, as he is called +in his native land) has aroused mingled feelings. But the +Kaiser is reported to have stated in no ambiguous terms that +if, after the War, any Americans are to be given access to him, +from Ambassadors downwards, they must be able neither to +read nor write. <i>The Times</i> is also responsible for the headline: +"The Archangel Landing." There was a rumour of something +of this kind after Mons, but this is apparently official.</p> + +<p>One prominent effect of the War has been to make two +Propagandist Departments flourish where none grew before, and +it is to be feared that the reflection on the industry of our new +officials implied in the picture on the previous page is not without +foundation.</p> + +<p><a name="poetry"></a>War has not only stimulated the composition, but the +perusal of poetry, especially among women:</p> + +<blockquote>When the Armageddon diet<br> +Makes Priscilla feel unquiet,<br> +She prescribes herself (from Pope)<br> +An acidulated trope.<br> +<br> +When the lard-hunt ruffles Rose<br> +Wordsworth lulls her to repose,<br> +While a snippet from the "Swan"<br> +Stops the jam-yearn of Yvonne.<br> +<br> +When the man-slump makes her fretty<br> +Susie takes to D. Rossetti,<br> +Though her sister Arabella<br> +Rather fancies Wilcox (Ella).<br> +<br> +When Evangelina swoons<br> +At the sound of the maroons,<br> +Mrs. Hemans comes in handy<br> +As a substitute for brandy.<br> +<br> +And when Auntie heard by chance<br> +That the Curate was in France,<br> +Browning's enigmatic lyrics<br> +Helped to save her from hysterics.<br></blockquote> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> + +<h2><i><a name="September1918"></a>September, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>Since July 15th, when the Kaiser mounted a high observation +post to watch the launching of the offensive which +was to achieve his crowning victory, but proved the +prelude of the German collapse, the conflict has raged continuously +and with uninterrupted success for the Allied Armies. +The Kaiser Battle has become the Battle of Liberation. The +French bore the initial burden of the attack, but since August 8 +"hundreds of thousands of unbeaten Tommies," to quote the +phrase of a French military expert, have entered into action in +a succession of attacks started one after the other all the way up +to Flanders. Rawlinson, Horne, and Byng have carried on the +hammer work begun by Mangin, Gouraud, and Debeney. +<a name="DrocourtQuĂ©ant"></a>PĂ©ronne has been recovered, the famous Drocourt-Quéant +switch-line has been breached, the Americans have flattened +out the St. Mihiel salient. The perfect liaison of British and +French and Americans has been a wonderful example of combined +effort rendered possible by unity of command. "Marshal +Foch strikes to-day at a new front," is becoming a standing +headline. And this highly desirable "epidemic of strikes" +is not confined to the Western Front. As Generalissimo of all +the Allied Forces the great French Marshal has planned and +carried out an <i>ensemble</i> of operations designed to shatter and +demoralise the enemy at every point. The <a name="long_inaction"></a>long inaction on +the Salonika Front has been ended by the rapid and triumphant +advance of the British, French, Serbians, and Greeks under +General Franchet d'Esperey. Eight days sufficed to <a name="smash_the_Bulgarians"></a>smash the Bulgarians, +and the armistice then granted was followed four +days later by the <a name="surrender_of_Bulgaria"></a>surrender of Bulgaria. In less than a fortnight +<a name="General_Allenby_pushed_north"></a>General Allenby pushed north from Jerusalem, annihilated +the Turkish armies in Palestine, and <a name="captured_Damascus"></a>captured Damascus. +<a name="way_of_the_wotan"></a>And by the end of the month the <a name="Hindenburg_line"></a>Hindenburg line had been +breached and gone the way of the "Wotan" line. Wotan was +not a happy choice:</p> + +<blockquote>But even super-Germans are wont at times to nod,<br> +And to borrow Wotan's aegis was indubitably odd;<br> +For dark decline o'erwhelmed his line: he saw his god-head wane,<br> +And his stately palace vanish in a red and ruinous vain.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="STORM_DRIVEN"></a> +<center><img src="images/264.png" alt="STORM DRIVEN"></center> +<h4>STORM DRIVEN<br> +<br> +THE KAISER: "I don't like this wind, my son. Which way is it?"<br> +THE CROWN PRINCE: "Up!"</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="IN_RESERVE"></a> +<center><img src="images/265.png" alt="IN RESERVE"></center> +<h4>IN RESERVE<br> +<br> +GERMAN EAGLE (to German Dove): "Here, carry on for a bit, will you +I'm feeling rather run down."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Well may the Berlin <i>Tageblatt</i> say that "the war stares +us in the face and stares very hard." When a daily paper +announces "Half Crown Prince's army turned over to another +General," we are curious to know how much the Half Crown +Prince thinks the German Sovereign worth. But the end is +not yet. Our pride in the achievements of our Armies and +Generals, in the heroism of our Allies and the strategy of +Marshal Foch does not blind us to the skill and tenacity with +which the Germans are conducting their retreat. Fritz is a +tough fighter; if only he had fought a clean fight we could look +forward to a thorough reconciliation. But that is a far cry +for those who have been in the war, farthest of all for our +sailormen, who can never forget certain acts of frightfulness.</p> + +<blockquote>Hans Dans an' me was shipmates once, an' if 'e'd fought us clean,<br> +Why shipmates still when war was done might Hans an' me 'ave been;<br> +The truest pals a man can have are them 'e's fought before,<br> +But--never no more, Hans Dans, my lad, so 'elp me, never no more!<br></blockquote> + +<p>Austria has <a name="issued_a_Peace_Note"></a>issued a Peace Note, and the German Chancellor +has declared that Germany is opposed to annexation in any +form. The German Eagle, making a virtue of necessity, is +ready to give the bird of Peace an innings.</p> + +<a name="ALARMING_SPREAD_OF_BOBBING"></a> +<center><img src="images/266.png" alt="ALARMING SPREAD OF BOBBING"></center> +<h4>ALARMING SPREAD OF BOBBING</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="The_two_Emmas"></a>The two Emmas, Ack and Pip, are naturally furious at the +adoption of the twenty-four hours' system of reckoning time, +which means that their occupation will be gone, and that like +other old soldiers they will fade away. Amongst other innovations +we have to note the spread of "bobbing," the further +possibilities of which are alarming to contemplate.</p> + +<p>Ferdinand, <a name="Tsar_of_Bulgaria"></a>Tsar of Bulgaria, great grandson of Philippe +Egalité, finding Sofia unhealthy, has been recuperating at +Vienna. His future plans are vague, but it is thought he may +join the ex-Kings' Club in Switzerland. <a name="Lenin_the_Bolshevist"></a>Lenin, the Bolshevist +Dictator, has recently experienced an attempt on his life, and +retaliated in a fashion which would have done credit to a +mediaeval despot. England still refuses to indulge in joy +bells or bunting, but the <a name="London_police"></a>London police have seized the occasion +to strike on the home front. Their operations have been +promptly if inconsistently rewarded by the removal of their +chief and his elevation to the baronetcy.</p> + +<p>Parliament is not sitting, and the voice of the Pro-Boche +and the Pro-Bolsh is temporarily hushed. We have to note, +however, a most welcome <i>rapprochement</i> between Downing +and Carmelite Streets--the <i>Daily Mail</i> has praised the Foreign +Office for an "excellent piece of work," and the scapegoat, +unexpectedly caressed, is sitting up and taking nourishment.</p> + +<p>The <a name="harvest_has_been_a_success"></a>harvest has been a success, thanks to the energy of +the new land-workers, the armies behind the army:</p> + +<blockquote>All the talent is here--all the great and the lesser,<br> + The proud and the humble, the stout and the slim,<br> +The second form boy and the aged professor,<br> + Grade three and the hero in want of a limb.<br></blockquote> + +<p><a name="curious_changes"></a>Four years of war have brought curious changes to "our +village":</p> + +<blockquote>Our baker's in the Flying Corps,<br> + Our butcher's in the Buffs,<br> +Our one policeman cares no more<br> + For running in the roughs,<br> +But carves a pathway to the stars<br> + As trooper in the Tenth Hussars.<br> +<br> +The Mayor's a Dublin Fusilier,<br> + The clerk's a Royal Scot,<br> +The bellman is a brigadier<br> + And something of a pot;<br> +The barber, though at large, is spurned;<br> + The Blue Boar's waiter is interned.<br> +<br> +The postman, now in Egypt, wears<br> + A medal on his coat;<br> +The vet. is breeding Belgian hares,<br> + The vicar keeps a goat;<br> +The schoolma'am knits upon her stool;<br> + The village idiot gathers wool.<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<a name="FARMER_AND_THE_FARM_LABOURER"></a> +<center><img src="images/268.png" alt="FARMER AND THE FARM LABOURER"></center> +<h4>FARMER AND THE FARM LABOURER</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The husbandman and his new help have undergone mutual +transformation. And our <a name="cadet_battalions"></a>cadet battalions are making themselves +very much at home at Oxford and Cambridge.</p> + +<center><img src="images/269.png" alt="CADET: "Really, from the way these College Authorities make themselves at +home you'd think the place belonged to them.""></center> +<h4>CADET: "Really, from the way these College Authorities make themselves at +home you'd think the place belonged to them."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The <a name="Navy"></a>Navy still remains the silent Service, but, as the need +for reticence is being relaxed by the triumph of our arms, we +are beginning to learn something, though unofficially as yet, +of that "plaything of the Navy and nightmare of the Huns"-- +the Q-boat:</p> + +<blockquote>She can weave a web of magic for the unsuspecting foe,<br> + She can scent the breath of Kultur leagues away,<br> +She can hear a U-boat thinking in Atlantic depths below<br> + And disintegrate it with a Martian ray;<br> + She can feel her way by night<br> + Through the minefield of the Bight;<br> +She has all the tricks of science, grave and gay.<br> +<br> +In the twinkle of a searchlight she can suffer a sea-change<br> + From a collier to a <i>Shamrock</i> under sail,<br> +From a Hyper-super-Dreadnought, old Leviathan at range,<br> +To a lightship or a whaler or a whale;<br> + With some canvas and a spar<br> + She can mock the morning star<br> +As a haystack or the flotsam of a gale.<br> +<br> +She's the derelict you chartered north of Flores outward-bound,<br> +She's the iceberg that you sighted coming back,<br> +She's the salt-rimed Biscay trawler heeling home to Plymouth Sound,<br> +She's the phantom-ship that crossed the moon-beams' track;<br> + She's the rock where none should be<br> + In the Adriatic Sea,<br> +She's the wisp of fog that haunts the Skagerrack.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Recognition of services faithfully done is an endless task; +but Mr. Punch is glad to print the valedictory tribute of one +of the boys in blue to a V.A.D.--a class that has come in for +much undeserved criticism.</p> + +<blockquote>While willy-nilly I must go<br> +A-hunting of the Hun,<br> +You'll carry on--which now I know<br> +(Although I've helped to rag you so)<br> +Means great work greatly done.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Among the minor events of the month has been the christening +of a baby by the names of Grierson Plumer Haig French +Smith-Dorrien, as its father served under these generals. The +idea is, no doubt, to prevent the child when older from asking: +"What did you do in the Great War, Daddy?"</p> + +<p>England, as we have already said, endures its triumphs with +composure. But our printers are not altogether immune from +excitement. An evening paper informs us that "the dwifficuplties +of passing from rigid trench warfare to field warfare are +gigantic and perhaps unsurmountable." And only our innate +sense of comradeship deters us from naming the distinguished +contemporary which recently published an article entitled: +"The Importance of Bray."</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="October1918"></a>October, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>THE growing <i>crescendo</i> of success has reached its climax +in this, the most wonderful month of our <i>annus mirabilis.</i> +<a name="Cambrai"></a>Every day brings tidings of a new victory. St. +Quentin, Cambrai, and Laon had all been recaptured in the +first fortnight.<a name="Douai_were_regained"></a> On the 17th Ostend, Lille, and Douai were regained, +<a name="Bruges_was_reoccupied"></a>Bruges was reoccupied on the 19th, and by the 20th +the <a name="Belgian_Army_under_King_Albert"></a>Belgian Army under King Albert, reinforced by the French +and Americans, and with the Second British Army under +General Plumer on the right, had compelled the Germans to +evacuate the whole <a name="coast_of_Flanders"></a>coast of Flanders. The Battle of Liberation, +which began on the Marne in July, is now waged uninterruptedly +from the Meuse to the sea. Only in Lorraine has the +advance of the American Army been held up by the difficulties +of the <i>terrain</i> and the exceptionally stubborn resistance of the +Germans.</p> + +<p>Elsewhere the "war of movement " has gone on with unrelenting +energy according to Foch's plan, which suggests a +revision of Pope:</p> + +<blockquote>Great Foch's law is by this rule exprest,<br> +Prevent the coming, speed the parting pest.<br></blockquote> + +<p>The German, true to his character of the world's worst loser +and winner, leaves behind him all manner of booby-traps, some +puerile, many diabolical, which give our sappers plenty of +work, cause a good many casualties, and only confirm the +resolve of the victors.</p> + +<p>According to a German paper--the <i>Rhenish Westphalian +Gazette</i>--ex-criminals are being drafted into the German Army. +But the Allies propose to treat them without invidious distinction. +The Crown Prince recently observed that he had +"many friends in the Entente countries"; as a matter of fact, +we seem to be getting them at the rate of about twenty-five +thousand a week.<a name="Leinster"></a> The criminals in the German Navy have +again been busy, adding to their previous exploits the sinking +of the passenger steamer <i>Leinster</i>, in the Irish Channel, with +heavy loss of life, the worst disaster of the kind since the +torpedoing of the <i>Lusitania</i>. Yet it is Germany that is the +sinking ship. <a name="Ferdinand_of_Bulgaria"></a>Ferdinand of Bulgaria has joined the League +of Abdication, and according to a Sofia telegram, will devote himself to +scientific pursuits. His only regret is that the Allies thought of it +first. Prince Friedrich Karl of Hesse says that his accession to the +throne of Finland will not take place for two years, and for the first +time since his emergence into publicity we find ourselves in agreement +with this monarch-elect. <a name="Ludendorff"></a>Ludendorff has resigned. +<a name="Austria_is_suing"></a>Austria is suing for +peace; <a name="Count_Tisza"></a>Count Tisza asks: "Why not admit frankly that we have lost +the War?" <a name="Piave"></a>The Italians have crossed the Piave, and the Serbians +have <a name="reached_the_Danube"></a>reached the Danube. Turkey has been granted an armistice, and with +the daily victories of the Allies comes the daily report that the Kaiser +has abdicated.</p> + +<a name="SOLDIER_AND_CIVILIAN"></a> +<center><img src="images/272.png" alt="SOLDIER AND CIVILIAN"></center> +<h4>SOLDIER AND CIVILIAN<br> +<br> +MARSHAL FOCH (to Messrs. Clemenceau, Wilson and +Lloyd George): "If you're going up that road, gentlemen, +look out for booby-traps."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="Prince_Max"></a>Prince Max of Baden, the successor of Hertling in the +Chancellorship, whose appointment hardly bears out the +promise of popular government, has issued a pacific Manifesto +which inspires an "Epitaph in anticipation":</p> + +<blockquote>In memory of poor Prince Max,<br> +Who, posing as the friend of Pax,<br> +Yet was not noticeably lax<br> +In the true Teuton faith which hacks<br> +Its way along; forbidden tracks,<br> +Marks bloody dates on almanacs<br> +And holds all promises as wax;<br> +Breeding, where once we knew Hans Sachs,<br> +A race of monomaniacs....<br> +But now illusion's mirror cracks,<br> +The radiant vision fades, the axe<br> +Lies at the root. So farewell, Max!<br></blockquote> + +<p>Certain people have proclaimed their opinion that the +German nation ought not to be humiliated. When all is said, +Mr. Punch saves his pity for our murdered dead.</p> + +<p>Parliament has met again, not that there is any very +urgent need for their labours just now.<a name="discuss_a_military_situation"></a> With a caution that +seemed excessive Mr. Bonar Law has thought it premature +to discuss a military situation changing every hour--though +happily always for the better--or even to propose a formal Vote +of Thanks to men who are daily adding to their harvest of +laurels. <a name="fourteen_points"></a>On better grounds discussion of Mr. Wilson's famous +"fourteen points" and of demobilisation has been deprecated. +The suggestion--made opportunely on Trafalgar Day--for +securing marks of distinction for our merchant seamen gained +a sympathetic hearing, and the proposal to make women +eligible for Parliament has been carried after a serious debate +by an overwhelming majority in which the <i>ci-devant</i> anti-suffragists +were as prominent as the others. Five years ago +such a motion would have furnished an orgy of alleged humour, +and been laughed out of the House. Mr. Dillon and his colleagues +have put a great many questions about the torpedoing +of the <i>Leinster</i> and the lack of an escort. But it is unfortunate +that their tone suggested more indignation with the alleged +laches of the Admiralty than horror at the German crime. +Irish indignation over the outrage, according to a Nationalist +M.P., is intense; but not to the point of expressing itself in +khaki.</p> + +<a name="Die_Nacht_am_Rhein"></a> +<center><img src="images/274.png" alt="Die Nacht am Rhein"></center> +<h4><i>Die Nacht am Rhein</i></h4> +<br><br> +<center><img src="images/275.png" alt="PROSPEROUS IRISH FARMER: "And what about the War, your Riverence? Do +ye think it will hould?""></center> +<h4>PROSPEROUS IRISH FARMER: "And what about the War, your Riverence? Do +ye think it will hould?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>The woes of the Irish <a name="harvest_labourers"></a>harvest labourers in England have +not yet been fully appreciated, and seem to demand a revised +version of "Moira O'Neill's" beautiful poem:</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="THE_IRISH_EXILE"></a>THE IRISH EXILE</p> + +Over here in England I'm slavin' in the rain;<br> +Six-an'-six a day we get, an' beds that wanst were clane;<br> +Weary on the English work, 'tis killin' me that same--<br> +Och, Muckish Mountain, where I used to lie an' dhrame!<br> +<br> +At night the windows here are black as Father Murphy's hat;<br> +'Tis fivepence for a pint av beer, an' thin ye can't get that;<br> +Their beef has shtrings like anny harp, for dacent ham I hunt--<br> +Och, Muckish Mountain, an' my pig's sweet grunt!<br> +<br> +Sure there's not a taste av butthermilk that wan can buy or beg,<br> +Thin their sweet milk has no crame, an' is as blue as a duck-egg;<br> +Their whisky is as wake as wather-gruel in a bowl--Och,<br> +Muckish Mountain, where the <i>poteen</i> warms yer sowl!<br> +<br> +'Tis mesilf that longs for Irish air an' gran' ould Donegal,<br> +Where there's lashins and there's lavins and no scarcity at all;<br> +Where no wan cares about the War, but just to ate an' play--<br> +Och, Muckish Mountain, wid yer feet beside the say!<br> +<br> +Sure these Englishmin don't spare thimselves in this thremenjus fight;<br> +They say 'tis life or death for thim, an', faith, they may be right;<br> +But Father Murphy tells me that it's no consarn av mine--<br> +Och, Muckish Mountain, where the white clouds shine!<br> +<br> +Over there in Ireland we're very fond av peace,<br> +Though we break the heads av Orangemin an' batther the police;<br> +For we're all agin the Governmint wheriver we may be--<br> +Och, Muckish Mountain, an' the wild wind blowin' free!<br> +<br> +If they tuk me out to Flandhers, bedad I'd have to fight,<br> +An' I'm tould thim Jarman vagabones won't let ye sleep at night;<br> +So I'm going home to Ireland wid English notes galore--<br> +Och, Muckish Mountain, I will niver lave ye more!<br></blockquote> + +<p>By way of contrast there is the mood of the <a name="Old_Contemptibles"></a>Old Contemptibles, +but it is only fair to add that there are Irishmen among +them:</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="THE_OLD-TIMER"></a>THE OLD-TIMER</p> + +'E aint't bin 'ung with medals, like a lot o' chaps abaht;<br> +'E's wore a little dingy but 'e isn't wearin' aht;<br> +'Is ole tin 'at is battered, but it isn't battered in,<br> +An' if 'e ain't fergot to grouse, 'e ain't fergot to grin.<br> +<br> +I fancy that 'e's aged a bit since fust the War begun;<br> +'E's 'ad 'is fill o' fightin' an' 'e's 'ad 'is share o' fun;<br> +'Is eyes is kind o' quiet an' 'is mouth is sort o' set,.<br> +But if I didn't know 'im well I wouldn't know 'im yet.<br> +<br> +I recollec' the look of 'im the time o' the retreat,<br> +The blood was through 'is toonic an' the skin was orf 'is feet;<br> +But "Come aboard the bus," say 'e, "or you'll be lef be'ind!"<br> +An' takes me weight upon 'is back--it 'asn't slip me mind.<br> +<br> +It might 'ave 'appened yesterday, it comes to me so plain;<br> +'E's dahn an' up a dozen times, a-reeling through the rain;<br> +It might 'ave bin lars' Saturday I seem to 'ear 'im say:<br> +"There's plenty room a-top, me lad, an' nothin' more to pay."<br> +<br> +'E ain't bin 'ung with medals like a blackamore with beads;<br> +'E doesn't figure on the screen a-doin' darin' deeds;<br> +But reckon I'll be lucky if I gets to Kingdom Come<br> +Along o' that Contemptible wot wouldn't leave a chum.<br></blockquote> +<br><br> +<center><img src="images/277.png" alt="FIRST CONTEMPTIBLE: "D'you remember halting here on the retreat, George?" + +SECOND DITTO: "Can't call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village in +the wood there down by the river, or was it that place with the cathedral and all them factories?"></center> +<h4>FIRST CONTEMPTIBLE: "D'you remember halting here on the retreat, George?"<br> +SECOND DITTO: "Can't call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village in +the wood there down by the river, or was it that place with the cathedral and all them factories? +</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Amongst other items of news we have to chronicle the appointment +of <a name="Mr._Arnold_Bennett"></a>Mr. Arnold Bennett as a Director of Propaganda, +the steady growth of goat-keeping, and the exactions of taxi-drivers. +It is now suggested that if one of these pirates should +charge you largely in excess of his legal fare, you should +tell him that you have nothing less than a five-pound note. If +you have an honest face and speak kindly he will probably +accept the amount.</p> + +<a name="THE_SANDS_RUN_OUT"></a> +<center><img src="images/278.png" alt="THE SANDS RUN OUT"></center> +<h4>THE SANDS RUN OUT</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Mr. Bonar Law has been <a name="making_trips_to_and_from_France"></a>making trips to and from France +by aeroplane. The report that a number of members of the +Opposition have been invited by the Admiralty to make a +descent in a depth-charge turns out to be unfounded. The +prospects of peace are being discussed on public platforms, but, +as yet, with commendable discretion. <a name="Mr._Roberts"></a>Mr. Roberts, our excellent +Minister of Labour, has made bold to say that "the happenings +of the last six weeks justify us in the belief that peace is much +nearer than it was during the earlier part of the year." And +a weekly paper has offered a prize of £500 to the reader who +predicts the date when the War will end. Meanwhile, Hanover +is said to have made <a name="Hindenburg_a_birthday_present"></a>Hindenburg a birthday present of a +house in the neighbourhood of the Zoological Gardens in that +city, and we suggest that before this gift is incorporated in the +peace-terms the words "the neighbourhood of" should be +deleted.</p> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><i><a name="November1918"></a>November, 1918</i>.</h2> + +<p>The end has come with a swiftness that has outdone +the hopes of the most sanguine optimists. In +the first eleven days of November we have seen history +in the making on a larger scale and with larger possibilities +than at any time since the age of Napoleon, perhaps since the +world began.</p> + +<a name="VICTORY"></a> +<center><img src="images/280.png" alt="VICTORY!"></center> +<h4>VICTORY!</h4> +<br><br> +<p>To take the chief events in order, the <a name="Versailles_Conference_opened"></a>Versailles Conference opened +on the 1st; on the 3rd <a name="Austria_gave_in"></a>Austria gave in and the resolve of +the German Naval High Command to challenge the Grand Fleet +in the North Sea was paralysed by the mutiny at Kiel; on the 5th +the Versailles Conference gave full powers to <a name="Marshal_Foch"></a>Marshal Foch to +arrange the terms of an armistice,<a name="last_of_his_Notes"></a> and President Wilson +addressed the last of his Notes to Germany;<a name="Sedan"></a> on the 6th the +American Army reached Sedan; on the 9th <a name="Marshal_Foch_received"></a>Marshal Foch received +Erzberger and the other German Envoys, the Berlin +<a name="Revolution_broke_out"></a>Revolution broke out, and the Kaiser abdicated; on the 10th +the <a name="Kaiser_fled_to_Holland"></a>Kaiser fled to Holland, and the British reached Mons. The +wheel had come full circle. The Belgian, British, French, and +American Armies now formed a semi-circle from Ghent to +Sedan, and threatened to surround the German Armies already +in retreat and crowded into the narrow valley of the Meuse. +Everything was ready for Foch's final attack; indeed, he was +on the point of attacking when the Germans, recognising that +they were faced with the prospect of a Sedan ten times greater +than that of 1870, <a name="signed_on_November_11_an_armistice"></a>signed on November 11 an armistice which +was equivalent to a military capitulation, and gave Marshal +Foch all that he wanted without the heavy losses which further +fighting would have undoubtedly involved. <a name="greatest_military_genius"></a>He had shown +himself the greatest military genius of the War. Here, in the +words of one of his former colleagues at the Ecole de Guerre, +he proved himself free from the stains which have so often +tarnished great leaders in war, the lust of conquest and personal +ambition. Not only the Allies, but the whole world owes an +incalculable debt to this soldier of justice, compact of reason +and faith, imperturbable in adversity, self-effacing in the hour +of victory. Glorious also is the record of the other French +<a name="Generals"></a>Generals: the strong-souled Pétain, hero of Verdun; the heroic +Maunoury; Castlenau and Mangin, Gouraud, Debeney, and +Franchet d'Esperey, Captains Courageous, worthy of France, +her cause, and her indomitable <i>poilus</i>. In the record of acknowledgment +France stands first since her sacrifices and losses have +been heaviest, and she gave us in Foch the chief organiser of +victory, <a name="in_Clemenceau"></a>in Clemenceau the most inspiring example of intrepid +statesmanship. But the <a name="War_could_not_have_been_won"></a>War could not have been won +without England and the Empire; without the ceaseless vigil in +the North Sea; without the heroes of Jutland and Coronel, of the +Falkland Isles and Zeebrugge, of the Fleets behind the Fleet; +without the services of Smith-Dorrien at Mons, French at +Ypres; without the dogged endurance, the inflexible will and +the self-sacrificing loyalty of Haig; the dash of Maude and +Allenby; the steadfast leadership in defence and offence of +Plumer and <a name="Byng"></a>Byng, +Horne and Rawlinson and <a name="Birdwood"></a>Birdwood.</p> + +<a name="OUR_MAN"></a> +<center><img src="images/281.png" alt="OUR MAN"></center> +<h4>OUR MAN<br> +<br> +With Mr. Punch's Grateful Compliments to Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig.</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="THE_FINAL"></a> +<center><img src="images/282.png" alt="THE FINAL"></center> +<h4>THE FINAL<br><br> +TOMMY;(ex-footballer): "We was just wipin' them off the face of the earth +when Foch blows his whistle and shouts 'Temps!'"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>These are only some of the heroes who have added to the +glories of our blood and State, but the roll is endless--wonderful +gunners and sappers and airmen and dispatch riders, devoted +surgeons and heroic nurses, stretcher-bearers and ambulance +drivers. But Mr. Punch's special heroes are the Second Lieutenants +and the Tommy who went on winning the War all the +time and never said that he was winning it until it was won.</p> + +<p>As for the <a name="young_officers"></a>young officers, dead and living, their record is +the best answer to the critics, mostly of the arm-chair type, +who have chosen this time to assail our public school system. +In the papers of one of them killed on August 28 there was +found an article written in reply to "The Loom of Youth," +ending with these words: "Perhaps the greatest consolation +of these attacks on our greatest heritage in England (for we +are the unique possessors of the Public Schools) is the conviction +that they will have but little effect. Every public school +boy is serving, and one in every six gives up his life. They +cannot be such bad places after all."</p> + +<p>Of the <a name="great_mistakes"></a>great mistakes made by Germany perhaps the greatest +was in reckoning on the detachment of <a name="the_Dominions"></a>the Dominions. The +Canadians have made answer on a hundred stricken fields +before and after Vimy Ridge. Australia gave her goodliest at +Gallipoli, crowning the imperishable glory of those who died +there by her refusal to make a grievance of the apparent failure +of the expedition, and by the amazing achievement of her troops +in the last six months of the War.</p> + +<p>The immortal dead, British, Australians, New Zealanders, +who fell in the great adventure of the narrow straits are not +forgotten in the hour of triumph.</p> + +<blockquote><p><a name="GALLIPOLI"></a>GALLIPOLI</p> +<i>Qui procul hinc ante diem perierunt</i>.<br> +<br> +Ye unforgotten, that for a great dream died,<br> + Whose failing sense darkened on peaks unwon,<br> +Whose souls went forth upon the wine-dark tide<br> + To seas beyond the sun,<br> +Far off, far off, but ours and England's yet,<br> +Know she has conquered! Live again, and let<br> + The clamouring trumpets break oblivion!<br> +<br> +Not as we dreamed, nor as you strove to do,<br> + The strait is cloven, the crag is made our own;<br> +The salt grey herbs have withered over you,<br> + The stars of Spring gone down,<br> +And your long loneliness has lain unstirred<br> +By touch of home, unless some migrant bird<br> + Flashed eastward from the white cliffs to the brown.<br> +<br> +Hard by the nameless dust of Argive men,<br> + Remembered and remote, like theirs of Troy,<br> +Your sleep has been, nor can ye wake again<br> + To any cry of joy;<br> +Summers and snows have melted on the waves.<br> +And past the noble silence of your graves<br> + The merging waters narrow and deploy.<br> +<br> +But not in vain, not all in vain, thank God;<br> + All that you were and all you might have been<br> +Was given to the cold effacing sod,<br> + Unstrewn with garlands green;<br> +The valour and the vision that were yours<br> +Lie not with broken spears and fallen towers,<br> + With glories perishable of all things seen.<br> +<br> +Children of one dear land and every sea,<br> + At last fulfilment comes--the night is o'er;<br> +Now, as at Samothrace, swift Victory<br> + Walks winged on the shore;<br> +And England, deathless Mother of the dead,<br> +Gathers, with lifted eyes and unbowed head,<br> + Her silent sons into her arms once more.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Crowns and thrones have rocked and toppled of late, but +<a name="our_King_and_Queen"></a>our King and Queen, by their unsparing and unfaltering +devotion to duty, by their simplicity of life and unerring instinct +for saying and doing the right thing, have not only set a fine +example, but strengthened their hold on the loyalty of all +classes. And <a name="King_Albert"></a>King Albert, who defied Germany at the outset, +shared the dangers of his soldiers in retreat and disaster, and +throughout the war proved an inspiration to his people, has +been spared to lead them to victory and has gloriously come +into his own again. His decision to resist Germany was perhaps +the most heroic act of the War, and he has emerged +from his tremendous ordeal with world-wide prestige and +unabated distaste for the limelight. The liberation and +<a name="resurrection_of_Belgium"></a>resurrection of Belgium and Serbia have been two of the most splendid +outcomes of the World War, as the <i>débâcle</i> in Russia and the +<a name="martyrdom_of_Armenia"></a>martyrdom of Armenia have been its greatest tragedies.</p> + +<p>Parliament has been seen at its best and worst. When the +Prime Minister rose in the House on the afternoon of the 11th +to announce the terms of the Armistice signed at 5 A.M. that +morning, members from nearly all parts of the House rose +to acclaim him. Even "the ranks of Tuscany" on the front +Opposition bench joined in the general cheering. Only Mr. +Dillon and his half-dozen supporters remained moody and +silent, and when Mr. Speaker, in his gold-embroidered joy-robes, +headed a great <a name="processiontoStMargaretsChurch"></a>procession to St. Margaret's Church, +and the ex-Premier and his successor--the man who drew the +sword of Britain in the war for freedom and the man whose +good fortune it has been to replace it in the sheath--fell in +side by side, behind them walked the representatives of every +party save one. Mr. Dillon and his associates had more urgent +business in one of the side lobbies--to consider, perhaps, why +Lord Grey of Falloden, in his eve-of-war speech, had referred +to Ireland as "the one bright spot." This Irish aloofness is +wondrously illustrated by the <i>Sunday Independent</i> of Dublin, +which, in its issue of November 10, spoke of a racing event as +the only redeeming feature of "an unutterably dull week." We +have to thank Mr. Dillon, however, for unintentionally enlivening +the dulness of the discussion on the relations of Lord Northcliffe +to the Ministry of Information and his forecast of the +peace terms. Mr. Baldwin, for the Government, while endeavouring +to allay the curiosity of members, said that +"Napoleons will be Napoleons." Mr. Dillon seemed to desire +the appointment of a "Northcliffe Controller," but that is +impracticable. All our bravest men are too busy to take on the +job. Better still was the pointed query of Lord Henry Bentinck, +"Is it not possible to take Lord Northcliffe a little too +seriously?" But there are other problems to which the +House has been addressing itself with a justifiable seriousness--and +demobilisation, the shortage of food and coal, +and the question how at the same time we are to provide for +the outlay of coals of fire and feed the Huns and not the guns.</p> + +<p>And how has England taken the news? In the main soberly +and in a spirit of infinite thankfulness, though in too many +thousands of homes the loss of our splendid, noble and gallant +sons--alas! so often only sons--who made victory possible +by the gift of their lives, has made rejoicing impossible for +those who are left to mourn them. Yet there is consolation in +the knowledge that if they had lived to extreme old age +they could never have made a nobler thing of their lives. +Shakespeare, who "has always been there before," wrote the +epitaph of those who fell in France when he spoke of one +who gave</p> + +<blockquote>His body to that pleasant country's earth,<br> +And his pure soul unto his captain, Christ,<br> +Under whose colours he had fought so long.<br></blockquote> + +<a name="ARMISTICE_DAY"></a> +<center><img src="images/286.png" alt="ARMISTICE DAY"></center> +<h4>ARMISTICE DAY<br> +<br> +SMALL CHILD (excitedly): "Oh, Mother, what <i>do</i> you think? They've given +us a whole holiday to-day in aid of the war."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>And it is a source of unspeakable joy that our children +are safe. For though to most of them their ignorance has been +bliss, they have not escaped the horrors of a war in which +non-combatants have suffered worse than ever before. Only +the healing hand of time can allay the grief of those for whom +there can be no reunion on earth with their nearest and dearest:</p> + +<blockquote>At last the dawn creeps in with golden fingers<br> + Seeking my eyes, to bid them open wide<br> +Upon a world at peace, where Sweetness lingers,<br> + Where Terror is at rest and Hate has died.<br> +<br> +Loud soon shall sound a pæan of thanksgiving<br> + From happy women, welcoming their men,<br> +Life born anew of joy to see them living.<br> + Mother of Pity, what shall I do then?<br></blockquote> + +<p>Of the people at large Mr. Punch cannot better the praise +of one, the <a name="late_Mr._Henry_James"></a>late Mr. Henry James, who was nothing if not +critical, and who proved his love of England by adopting her +citizenship in the darkest hour of her need: "They were about +as good, above all, when it came to the stress, as could well +be expected of people. They didn't know how good they were," +and if they lacked imagination they stimulated it immensely +in others.</p> + +<p>Apart from some effervescence in the great cities, Armistice +Day was <a name="celebrated_without_exultation_or_extravagance"></a>celebrated without exultation or extravagance. In +one village that we know of the <a name="church_bells"></a>church bells were rung by +women. In London our deliverance was to many people +marked in the most dramatic way by the breaking of his long +silence by <a name="Big_Ben"></a>Big Ben:</p> + +Gone are the days when sleep alone could break<br> + War's grim and tyrannous spells;<br> +Now it is rest and joy to lie awake<br> + And listen to the bells.<br> + +<p>So the Great War ended. But there yet remained the most +dramatic episode of all--the <a name="surrender_of_the_German_Fleet"></a>surrender of the German Fleet +to Admiral Beatty at Scapa Flow--a surrender unprecedented +in naval history, a great victory won without striking a blow, +which yet brought no joy to our Grand Fleet. For our admirals +and captains and bluejackets felt that the Germans had smirched +the glory of the fighting men of the sea, hitherto maintained +in untarnished splendour by all vanquished captains from the +days of Carthage to those of Cervera and Cradock.</p> + +<a name="IN_HONOUR_OF_THE_BRITISH_NAVY"></a> +<center><img src="images/288.png" alt="IN HONOUR OF THE BRITISH NAVY"></center> +<h4>IN HONOUR OF THE BRITISH NAVY<br> +<br> +To commemorate the surrender of the German Fleet</h4> + +<br><br><hr style="width: 35%;"><br><br> +<h2><a name="EPILOGUE"></a>EPILOGUE</h2> + +<p>It remains to trace in brief retrospect the record of "the +months between"--a period of test and trial almost as +severe as that of the War.</p> + +<p><a name="transitional"></a>Having steadfastly declined the solution of a Peace without +Victory, the Allies entered last November on the transitional +period of Victory without Peace. The fighting was ended in +the main theatres of war, the Kaiser and Crown Prince, discrowned +and discredited, had sought refuge <a name="in_exile"></a>in exile, the great +German War machine had been smashed, and <a name="demobilisation"></a>demobilisation +began at a rate which led to inevitable congestion and disappointment. +The prosaic village blacksmith was not far out +when, in reply to the vicar's pious hope that the time had come +to beat our sword into a ploughshare, he observed, "Well, I +don't know, sir. Speaking as a blacksmith of forty-five years' +experience, I may tell you it can't be done." "The whole +position is provisional," said the <i>Times</i> at the end of November. +If Germany, Austria, and Russia were to be fed, how was it +to be done without disregarding the prior claims of Serbia and +Roumania? Even at home the food question still continued to +agitate the public mind.</p> + +<p>The <a name="General_Election"></a>General Election of December, 1918, which followed +the dissolution of the longest Parliament since the days of +Charles II., was a striking, if temporary proof, of the persistence +of the rationing principle. It proved a <a name="triumph_for_the_Coalition"></a>triumph for the Coalition +"Coupon" and for Mr. Lloyd George; the extremists +and Pacificists were snowed under; <a name="Mr._Asquith_was_rejected"></a>Mr. Asquith was rejected +and his followers reduced to a mere handful; <a name="Labour_came_back"></a>Labour came back +with an increased representation, though not as great as it +desired or deserved. <a name="irreconcilables"></a>The triumph of the irreconcilables in +Ireland was a foregone but sinister conclusion to their activities +in the War, and an ominous prelude to their subsequent efforts +to wreck the Pence. <a name="The_pledges"></a>The pledges in regard to indemnities, the +treatment of the Kaiser, and conscription so lavishly given by +the Coalition Leaders caused no little misgiving at the time, +and pledges, like curses, have an awkward way of coming home +to roost. <a name="MrPunchsviews"></a>Mr. Punch's views on the Kaiser, expressed in his +Christmas Epilogue, are worth recalling. Mr. Punch did not +clamour for the death penalty, or wish to hand him over to +the tender mercies of German Kultur. "The only fault he +committed in German eyes is that he lost the War, and I +wouldn't have him punished for the wrong offence--for something, +indeed, which was our doing as much as his. No, I +think I would just put him out of the way of doing further +harm, in some distant penitentiary like the Devil's Island, and +leave him to himself to think it all over; as <i>Caponsacchi</i> said +of <i>Guido</i> in 'The Ring and the Book':</p> + +<blockquote>Not to die so much as slide out of life,<br> +Pushed by the general horror and common hate<br> +Low, lower--left o' the very edge of things."<br></blockquote> + +<center><img src="images/291.png" alt=""Don't you think we ought to hang the Kaiser, Mrs. 'Arris?""></center> +<h4>"Don't you think we ought to hang the Kaiser, Mrs. 'Arris?"<br> + +"It ain't the Kaiser I'm worrying about--it's the bloke what interjuiced +his war-bacon."</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="REUNITED"></a> +<center><img src="images/292.png" alt="REUNITED"></center> +<h4>REUNITED<br> +<br> +Strasbourg, December 8th, 1918.</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Christmas, 1918, was more than "the Children's Truce." +Our bugles had "sung truce," the war cloud had lifted, the +invaded sky was once more free of "the grim geometry of +Mars," and though very few households could celebrate the +greatest of anniversaries with unbroken ranks, the mercy of +reunion was granted to many homes. Yet Mr. Punch, in his +Christmas musings on the solemn memory of the dead who +gave us this hour, could not but realise the greatness of the task +that lay before us if we were to make our country worthy of +the men who fought and died for her. The War was over, +but another had yet to be waged against poverty and sordid +environment; against the disabilities of birth; against the abuse +of wealth; against the mutual suspicions of Capital and +Labour; against sloth, indifference, self-complacency, and +short memories.</p> + +<p>So the Old Year passed, the last of a terrible <i>quinquennium,</i> +bringing grounds for thankfulness and hope along with +the promise of unrest and upheaval: with <a name="Alsace-Lorraine"></a>Alsace-Lorraine +reunited to France, with the British army holding its Watch +on the Rhine, and with all eyes <a name="fixed_on_Paris"></a>fixed on Paris, the scene of +the Peace Conference, already invaded by an international army +of delegates, experts, advisers, secretaries, typists, 500 American +journalists, and President Wilson.</p> + +<p>Great Expectations and their Tardy Fulfilment, thus in headline +fashion might one summarise the story of 1919, with Peace, +the world's desire, waiting for months outside the door of the +Conference Chamber, with <a name="civil_war_in_Germany"></a>civil war in Germany, <a name="Berlin_bombed"></a>Berlin bombed +by German airmen, and anarchy in Russia, and here +at home impatience and discomfort, aggravated in the earlier +months by strikes and influenza, the largely increased numbers +of unemployed politicians, the weariest and dreariest of winter +weather.</p> + +<a name="RECONSTRUCTIONANEWYEARSTASK"></a> +<center><img src="images/294.png" alt="RECONSTRUCTION: A NEW YEAR'S TASK"></center> +<h4>RECONSTRUCTION: A NEW YEAR'S TASK</h4> +<br><br> +<p>Yet even January had its alleviations in the <a name="return_of_the_banana"></a>return of the banana, the prospect of unlimited lard, a distinct improvement +in the manners of the retail tradesman, the typographical +fireworks of the <i>Times</i> in honour of President Wilson, and the +retreat of Lord Northcliffe to the sunny south. Lovers of +sensation were conciliated by the <a name="appointmentofFE"></a>appointment of "F.E." to the +Lord Chancellorship, the <a name="outbreak_of_Jazz"></a>outbreak of Jazz, and the discovery of +a French author that the plays usually attributed to Shakespeare +were written by Lord Derby, though not apparently the present +holder of the title. The loss, through rejection or withdrawal, +of so many of his old Parliamentary puppets was a serious blow +to Mr. Punch, but the old Liberals, buried like the Babes in the +Wood beneath a shower of Coalition coupons, already showed +a sanguine spirit, and the departure of the freaks could be contemplated +with resignation. The great <a name="Exodus_to_Paris"></a>Exodus to Paris began +in December, but it reached its height in January. The mystery +of the Foreign Office official who had <i>not</i> gone was cleared up +by the discovery that he was the caretaker, a pivotal man who +could not be demobilised. Another exodus of a less desirable +sort was that of the Sinn Fein prisoners, which gave rise to the +rumour that the Lord Lieutenant had threatened that if they +destroyed any more jails they would be rigorously released. +<a name="new_sort_of_war"></a>Sinn Fein, which refused to fight Germany, had already begun +to play at a new sort of war. Australia was preparing to welcome +the homing transports sped with messages of Godspeed from the +Motherland:</p> + +<blockquote>Rich reward your hearts shall hold,<br> + None less dear if long delayed,<br> +For with gifts of wattle-gold<br> + Shall your country's debt be paid;<br> +From her sunlight's golden store<br> +She shall heal your hurts of war.<br> +<br> +Ere the mantling Channel's mist<br> + Dim your distant decks and spars,<br> +And your flag that victory kissed<br> + And Valhalla hung with stars--<br> +Crowd and watch our signal fly:<br> +"Gallant hearts, good-bye! <i>Good-bye!"</i><br></blockquote> + +<a name="THE_1919_MODEL"></a> +<center><img src="images/296.png" alt="THE 1919 MODEL"></center> +<h4>THE 1919 MODEL<br> +<br> +MR. PUNCH: "They've given you a fine new machine, Mr. +Premier, and you've got plenty of spirit, but look out for bumps."</h4> +<br><br> +<p><a name="reassembling_of_Parliament"></a>February, a month of comparative anti-climax, witnessed +the reassembling of Parliament, fuller than ever of members if +not of wisdom. As none of the Sinn Feiners were present, nor +indeed any representative of Irish Nationalism, the proceedings +were as orderly as a Quaker's funeral, save for the arrival of one +member on a motor-scooter. Perhaps the most interesting information +elicited during the debates was this--that every question +put down costs the tax-payer a guinea. On February 20th +there were 282 on the Order Paper, and Mr. Punch was moved +to wonder whether this cascade of curiosity might be abated if +every questionist were obliged to contribute half the cost, the +amount to be deducted from his official salary. <a name="The_Speaker"></a>The Speaker, +the greatest of living Parliamentarians, was re-elected by +acclamation. Though human and humorous, he has grown into +something almost more like an institution than a man, like Big +Ben, that great patriot and public servant who never struck +during the war. <a name="Clemenceaus_escape"></a>The best news in February was that of M. +Clemenceau's escape, though wounded, from the Anarchist +assassin who had attempted to translate Trotsky's threat into +action.<a name="Prinkipo"></a> But it did not help on the proposed Conference with the +Russians at Prinkipo or encourage the prospect of any tangible +results from the deliberation of the Prinkipotentiaries. The +plain man could see no third choice beyond supporting Bolshevism +or anti-Bolshevism. But according to our Prime +Minister, we were committed to a compromise. The Allies were +not prepared to intervene in force, and they could not leave +Russia to stew in her own hell-broth. Meanwhile the chief +criminal, Germany, had begun to utter <i>ad misericordiam</i> +appeals for the relaxation of the Armistice terms on the score +of their cruelty; and Count Brockdorff-Rantzau gave us a foretaste +of his quality by declaring that "Germany cannot be +treated as a second-rate nation."</p> + +<center><img src="images/297.png" alt=""How was it you never let your mother know you'd won the V.C.?""></center> +<h4>"How was it you never let your mother know you'd won the V.C.?"<br> + +"It wasna ma turrn tae write."</h4> +<br><br> +<center><img src="images/298.png" alt="ENGLAND EXPECTS"></center> +<h4>ENGLAND EXPECTS<br> +<br> +(With Mr. Punch's best hopes for the success of the National Industrial Conference.)<br> + +BOTH LIONS (together): "Unaccustomed as I am to lie down with anything but a +lamb, still, for the sake of the public good ... "</h4> +<br><br> +<p>At home, though the rays of "sweet unrationed revelry" +were still to come, and <i>Dulce Domum</i> could not yet be sung in +every sense, February brought us some relief in the demobilisation +of the pivotal pig. <a name="National_Industrial_Conference"></a>And the decision to hold a +National Industrial Conference was of encouraging augury +for the settlement of industrial strife on the basis of a full +inquiry and frank statement of facts. In other walks of life +reticence still has its charms, and even in February people had +begun to ask who the General was who had threatened not +to write a book about the War.</p> + +<p>March, the mad month, remained true to type. Even Mr. +Punch found it hard to preserve his equanimity:</p> + +<blockquote>O Month, before your final moon is set<br> + Much may have happened--anything, in fact;<br> +More than in any March that I have met,<br> + (Last year excepted) fearful nerves are racked;<br> +Anarchy does with Russia what it likes;<br> + Paris is put conundrums very knotty;<br> +And here in England, with its talk of strikes,<br> + Men, like your own March hares, seem going dotty.<br></blockquote> + +<p>Abroad the <a name="ex-Kaiser"></a>ex-Kaiser was very busy sawing trees, possibly +owing to an hallucination that they were German Generals.</p> + +<a name="THE_EASTER_OFFERING"></a> +<center><img src="images/300.png" alt="THE EASTER OFFERING"></center> +<h4>THE EASTER OFFERING<br> +<br> +MR. LLOYD GEORGE (fresh from Paris): "I don't say it's a +perfect egg, but parts of it, as the saying is, are excellent."</h4> +<br><br> +<p>At home the Government decided to release such of the Sinn +Fein prisoners as had not already saved them the trouble, and +a <a name="Coal_Industry_Commission"></a>Coal Industry Commission was appointed on which no representative +of the general public was invited to sit--that is to say, +the patient, much enduring consumer, not the public which has +all along sought to discount peace by premature whooping, +jubilating, and Jazzing. For the Dove of Peace, though in +strict training, seemed in danger of collapsing under the weight +of the League of Nations' olive bough, to say nothing of other +perils, notably the Bolshy-bird, a most obscene brand of vulture.</p> + +<p>Mr. Wilson was once more on the Atlantic, and Mr. Lloyd +George, distracted between his duties in Paris and the <a name="demands_of_Labour"></a>demands of Labour, +recalled Sir Boyle Roche's bird, or the circus performer +riding two horses at once. In Parliament the interpretation +of election pledges occupied a good deal of time, and Mr. +Bonar Law twice <a name="declared_the_policy"></a>declared the policy of the Government in +regard to indemnities as being to demand the largest amount +that Germany could pay, but not to demand what we knew she +couldn't pay. It would have saved him a great deal of trouble +if at the General Election the Government spokesmen had +insisted as much upon the second half of the policy as they did<a name="appeals_for_economy"></a> +on the first. <a name="Civil_Service_Estimates"></a>Earnest appeals for economy were made from the +Treasury Bench on the occasion of the debate on the +Civil Service Estimates, now swollen to five times their pre-war +magnitude, and were heartily applauded by the House. To +show how thoroughly they had gone home, Mr. Adamson, the +Labour Leader, immediately pressed for an increase in the +salaries of Members of Parliament.</p> + +<a name="OVERWEIGHTED"></a> +<center><img src="images/301.png" alt="OVERWEIGHTED"></center> +<h4>OVERWEIGHTED<br> +<br> +PRESIDENT WILSON: "Here's your olive branch. Now get busy."<br> + +DOVE OF PEACE: "Of course, I want to please everybody, but isn't this a +bit thick?"</h4> +<br><br> +<a name="HOW_TO_BRIGHTEN_THE_PERIOD_OF_REACTION"></a> +<center><img src="images/302.png" alt="HOW TO BRIGHTEN THE PERIOD OF REACTION"></center> +<h4>HOW TO BRIGHTEN THE PERIOD OF REACTION<br> +<br> +MOTHER (to son who has fought on most of the Fronts): "Don't you +know what to do with yourself, George? Why don't you 'ave a walk down +the road, dear?"<br> + +FATHER: "Ah, 'e ain't seen the corner where they pulled down Simmondses' +fish-shop, 'as 'e, Ma?"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>On the Rhine the efforts of our army of occupation to +present the stern and forbidding air supposed to mark our +dealings with the inhabitants were proving a lamentable failure. +<a name="imitation_of_a_Hun"></a>You can't produce a really good imitation of a Hun without +lots of practice. Gloating is entirely foreign to the nature of +Thomas Atkins, and he could not pass a child yelling in the +gutter without stooping to comfort it. At home his education +was proceeding on different lines. The period of reaction had +set in, and unwonted exertions were necessary to stimulate his +interest. Such artless devices were, however, preferable to the +pastime, already fashionable in more exalted circles, of kicking +a total stranger round the room to the accompaniment of +cymbals, a motor siren, and a frying pan.</p> + +<p><a name="muzzling"></a>After a month of madness it was not to be wondered at that +we should have a month of muzzling, though the enforcement +of the order might have been profitably extended from dogs +to journalists. The <a name="secrecy_maintained_by_the_Big_Four"></a>secrecy maintained by the Big Four--a +phrase invented by America--the conflict of the idealists with +the realists,<a name="Orlando"></a> and the temporary break-away of the Italian +wrestler, Orlando, were bound to excite comment. But a +shattered world could not be rebuilt in a day, with Bolshevist +wolves prowling about the Temple of Peace, and the Dove at +sea between the Ark and Archangel. The Covenant of the +<a name="League_of_Nations"></a>League of Nations, though in a diluted form, had at last taken +shape, the Peace Machine had got a move on, and the Premier's +spirited, if not very dignified, retaliation on the newspaper +snipers led to an abatement of unnecessary hostilities, though the +pastime of shooting policemen with comparative impunity still +flourished in Ireland, and the numbers and cost of our "army +of inoccupation" still continued to increase. Innumerable +queries were made in Parliament on the subject of the +<a name="unemployment_dole"></a>unemployment dole, but the announcement that the Admiralty did +not propose to perpetuate the <a name="titleGrandFleet"></a>title "Grand Fleet" for the +principal squadron of His Majesty's Navy passed without +comment. The Grand Fleet is now a part of the History that +it did so much to make.</p> + +<p>May and June were "hectic" months, in which the reaction +from the fatigues and restraints of War found vent in an +increased disinclination for work, encouraged by a tropical sun. +These were the months of the resumption of cricket, the Victory +Derby, the flood of honours, and the <a name="flying_of_the_Atlantic"></a>flying of the Atlantic, +with a greater display of popular enthusiasm over the gallant +airmen who failed in that feat than over the generals who had +won the War.<a name="oil_in_Derbyshire"></a> They were also the months of the duel between +Mr. Smillie and the Dukes, the discovery of oil in Derbyshire, +the privileged excursion into War polemics of Lord French, +unrest in Egypt, renewed trouble with the police, and a +shortage of beer, boots and clothes.</p> + +<a name="ENDOFAPERFECTTAG"></a> +<center><img src="images/304.png" alt=""END OF A PERFECT 'TAG'""></center> +<h4>"END OF A PERFECT 'TAG'"</h4> +<br><br> +<p>But though the Big Four had been temporarily reduced to +a Big Three by Italy's withdrawal, and though M. Clemenceau, +Mr. Lloyd George, and President Wilson had all <a name="suffered_in_prestige"></a>suffered in prestige +by the slow progress of the negotiations, Versailles, +with the advent of the German delegates, more than ever riveted +the gaze of an expectant world. <a name="To_sign_or_not_to_sign"></a>To sign or not to sign, or, in the +words of Wilhelm Shakespeare, <i>Sein oder nicht sein: hier ist +die Frage</i>--that was the problem which from the moment of his +famous opening speech <a name="Count_Brockdorff-Rantzau"></a>Count Brockdorff-Rantzau was up +against. <a name="French_flags_at_Berlin"></a>But, as the days wore on, in spite of official impenitence +and the double breach of the Armistice terms by the +scuttling of the German war-ships at Scapa and the burning +of the French flags at Berlin, the force of "fierce reluctant +truculent delay" was spent against the steadily growing volume +of national acquiescence, culminating in the decision of the +Weimar Assembly, the tardy choice of new delegates, and the +final scene in the Hall of Mirrors, haunted by the ghosts +of 1871.</p> + +<p>Writing at the moment of the <a name="Signature_of_Peace"></a>Signature of Peace and in +deep thankfulness for the relief it brings to a stricken world, Mr. +Punch is too old to jazz for joy, but he is young enough to face +the future with a reasoned optimism, born of a belief in his race +and their heroic achievements in these great and terrible years. +Victory took us by surprise; and we were less prepared for +Peace at that moment than we had ever been for War. And +just as in the first days of the fighting we went astray, running +after the cry "Business as usual," so to-day we are making as +bad a mistake when we run after "Pleasure as usual"--or rather +more than usual. But we soon revised that early error, and we +shall not waste much time about revising this. For though we +lacked imagination then, and still lack it, we have the gift, +perhaps even more useful if less showy, of commonsense. And +when commonsense is found in natures that are honest and +hearts that are clean, it may make mistakes, but not for long. +No, the spirit which won the War is not going to fail us at this +second call. Perhaps we have only been waiting for the actual +coming of Peace to settle down to our new and greater task.</p> + +<p>But let us never forget the debt, unpaid and unpayable, to +our immortal dead and to the valiant survivors of the great +conflict, to whom we owe freedom and security and the +possibility of a better and cleaner world.</p> + +<a name="GHOSTS_AT_VERSAILLES"></a> +<center><img src="images/306.png" alt="GHOSTS AT VERSAILLES"></center> +<h4>GHOSTS AT VERSAILLES</h4> +<br><br> + +<p>INDEX</p> + +<a href="#ACCORDING_TO_PLAN">"According to plan,"</a><br> +<a href="#retired_Admirals">Admirals, retired, accept commissions in R.N.R.</a><br> +<a href="#Zeebruggedispatches">Admiralty and Zeebrugge despatches</a><br> +<a href="#clean_sweep_made_by_General_Botha">Africa, German South-West, Botha makes clean sweep in</a><br> +<a href="#AFTER_ONE_YEAR">After one Year</a><br> +Airmen, Allied<br> + <a href="#bombardment_of_Karlsruhe_by_Allied_airmen">Bombard Karlsruhe</a><br> + <a href="#increased_activity_of_the_German_airmen">German, increased activity of</a><br> +Air Raids<br> + <a href="#Daylight_air-raids">Daylight, extend to London</a><br> + <a href="#BUSY_CITY_MAN_TO_HIS_PARTNER">Public to be warned</a><br> +<a href="#battle_of_the_Aisne">Aisne, Battle of</a><br> +<a href="#ALARMING_SPREAD_OF_BOBBING">Alarming spread of bobbing</a><br> +Albert, King of Belgium<br> + <a href="#King_Albert">Tribute to</a><br> + <a href="#Belgian_Army_under_King_Albert">Victorious on Flanders coast</a><br> +Allenby, General<br> + <a href="#steady_advance_of_Allenby">Advances steadily</a><br> + <a href="#General_Allenby_pushed_north">Captures Damascus</a><br> + <a href="#Jerusalem_captured">Enters Jerusalem</a><br> +<a href="#new_AlliedCouncil">Allied Council, new, formed</a><br> +<a href="#Allotment_workers">Allotment workers</a><br> +<a href="#Alsace-Lorraine">Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France</a><br> +<a href="#ALSO_RAN">Also Ran</a><br> +America<br> + <a href="#America_is_now_all_in">Enters War</a><br> + <a href="#war_of_Notes">War of Notes</a><br> +<a href="#an_interview_to_an_American">American, an, interviews German Crown Prince</a><br> +American Troops<br> + <a href="#in_the_firing_line">Enter firing line</a><br> + <a href="#landed_in_France">First land in France</a><br> +<a href="#Neuve_Chapelle">Ammunition expended round Neuve Chapelle</a><br> +<a href="#Roald_Amundsen">Amundsen, Roald, prepares for trip to North Pole</a><br> +<a href="#British_Push_has_extended_to_the_Ancre">Ancre, British push extends to</a><br> +<a href="#East_Anglia">Anglia, East, air-raids in</a><br> +<a href="#Antwerp_has_fallen">Antwerp, Fall of</a><br> +<a href="#Anzac">Anzac, British heroism at</a><br> +<a href="#martyrdom_of_Armenia">Armenia, martyrdom of</a><br> +<a href="#broke_through_at_Armentières">Armentières, Germans break through at</a><br> +Armistice<br> + <a href="#Big_Ben">Big Ben breaks silence</a><br> + <a href="#celebrated_without_exultation_or_extravagance">How England took news of</a><br> + <a href="#signed_on_November_11_an_armistice">Signed</a><br> + <a href="#church_bells">Women ring church bells</a><br> +<a href="#ARMISTICE_DAY">Armistice Day</a><br> +<a href="#Signalling_Alphabet">Army Signalling Alphabet</a><br> +Asquith, Mr.<br> + <a href="#ceased_to_be_Prime_Minister">Ceases to be Prime Minister</a><br> + <a href="#discussing_new_Votes_of_Credit">Discusses new Votes of Credit</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._Asquith_had_gone_to_Ireland">Goes to Ireland</a><br> + <a href="#purge_the_Peerage_of_its_enemy_Dukes">Promises to purge Peerage of Enemy Dukes</a><br> + <a href="#hostility_to_womens_suffrage">Recants hostility to Women's suffrage</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._Asquith_was_rejected">Rejected at General Election</a><br> +<a href="#riot_in_Athens">Athens, riot in</a><br> +<a href="#AU_REVOIR">"Au Revoir!"</a><br> +<a href="#Australian_soldier_at_Gallipoli">Australians, valour of</a><br> +Austria<br> + <a href="#mauled_by_the_Serbians">Defeated by Serbia</a><br> + <a href="#a_resounding_defeat">Defeated on Italian front</a><br> + <a href="#Austria_gave_in">Gives in</a><br> + <a href="#issued_a_Peace_Note">Issues Peace Note</a><br> + <a href="#Austria_is_suing">Sues for Peace</a><br> + <a href="#threats_to_Roumania">Threatens Roumania</a><br> +<a href="#driven_out">Austrians driven from Belgrade</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#A_BAD_DREAM">Bad Dream, A</a><br> +<a href="#the_fall_of_Baghdad">Baghdad, taken by British</a><br> +Balfour, Mr.<br> + <a href="#Mr._Balfour_to_the_First_Lordship">Appointed First Lord</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._Balfour_has_returned">Returns from U.S.A.</a><br> +<a href="#Balkan_intelligence">Balkans, irrelevant news from</a><br> +<a href="#return_of_the_banana">Banana, return of the</a><br> +Bapaume<br> + <a href="#Bapaume">Germans take</a><br> + <a href="#Bapaume_and_Noyon">Recaptured by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#surrender_of_the_German_Fleet">Beatty, Admiral, German Fleet surrenders to</a><br> +Belgium<br> + <a href="#heroic_Belgium">Opposes German invasion</a><br> + <a href="#resurrection_of_Belgium">Resurrection of</a><br> +<a href="#occupied_Belgrade">Belgrade occupied by enemy</a><br> +<a href="#Mr._Arnold_Bennett">Bennett, Mr. Arnold, appointed Director of Propaganda</a><br> +Berlin<br> + <a href="#Berlin_bombed">Bombed</a><br> + <a href="#French_flags_at_Berlin">French flags burnt at</a><br> + <a href="#Revolution_broke_out">Revolution breaks out</a><br> + <a href="#strikes_in_Berlin">Strikes in, suppressed</a><br> +Bernstorff, Count<br> + <a href="#untiring_mendacity_of_Bernstorff">Mendacity of</a><br> + <a href="#efforts_of_Count_Bernstorff">Promotes strikes in U.S.A.</a><br> +<a href="#THE_BEST_SMELL_OF_ALL">Best Smell of All, the</a><br> +<a href="#Dr._Bethmann-Hollweg">Bethmann-Hollweg dismissed,</a><br> +<a href="#BETRAYED">Betrayed,</a><br> +<a href="#secrecy_maintained_by_the_Big_Four">Big Four's secrecy,</a><br> +<a href="#THE_BIG_PUSH">Big Push, The,</a><br> +Billing, Mr. Pemberton<br> + <a href="#Member_for_Mid-Herts">Elected for Mid-Herts,</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._Pemberton_Billing">Offers to raid enemy aircraft bases.</a><br> + <a href="#suspended">Suspended from House of Commons,</a><br> +<a href="#Birdwood">Birdwood, General,</a><br> +<a href="#Mr._Birrell">Birrell, Mr., apologia of,</a><br> +<a href="#Bismarck">Bismarck, Prince</a>,<br> +Bissing, Baron von,<br> + <a href="#von_Bissing">Reported dead</a>,<br> + <a href="#retirement_from_Belgium">Retires from Belgium,</a><br> +<a href="#Bloaters">Bloaters, unprecedented price of,</a><br> +<a href="#BlĂĽcher_was_sunk"><i>Blücher</i>, the, sunk by British,</a><br> +<a href="#General_von_Blume">Blume, General von, depreciates American intervention,</a><br> +<a href="#Boat-race_day">Boat-race, Oxford and Cambridge, suspended,</a><br> +<a href="#ALARMING_SPREAD_OF_BOBBING">Bobbing, Alarming spread of,</a><br> +<a href="#Paris_Government_moved_to_Bordeaux">Bordeaux, Paris Government removed to</a>,<br> +Botha, General<br> + <a href="#General_Botha">Enters War</a>,<br> + <a href="#clean_sweep_made_by_General_Botha">Makes clean sweep in S.W. Africa</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._Horatio_Bottomley">Bottomley, Mr. Horatio, visits France,</a><br> +<a href="#BRAVOBELGIUM">Bravo, Belgium</a>,<br> +<a href="#Brazil">Brazil enters War</a>,<br> +<a href="#curtail_our_consumption">Bread, curtailment of,</a><br> +Brest-Litovsk<br> + <a href="#Brest-Litovsk_Conference">Conference</a>,<br> + <a href="#Brest-Litovsk">Taken by enemy</a>,<br> + <a href="#Brest-Litovsk_Treaty">Treaty signed</a>,<br> +<a href="#our_Expeditionary_Force">British Expeditionary Force Lands in France</a>,<br> +<a href="#Count_Brockdorff-Rantzau">Brockdorff-Rantzau, Count,</a><br> +<a href="#Bruges_was_reoccupied">Bruges reoccupied by Allies</a>,<br> +Brusiloff, General<br> + <a href="#new_Russian_Offensive_under_Brusiloff">Opens new Russian offensive,</a><br> + <a href="#General_Brusiloff">Successful against Austrians</a>,<br> +Brussels<br> + <a href="#Brussels">Fall of</a>,<br> + <a href="#Edith_Cavell">Murder of Edith Cavell at</a>,<br> +<a href="#Lord_Buckmaster">Buckmaster, Lord, appointed Lord Chancellor</a>,<br> +<a href="#Bukarest_fell">Bukarest, fall of,</a><br> +<a href="#surrender_of_Bulgaria">Bulgaria surrenders,</a><br> +<a href="#smash_the_Bulgarians">Bulgarians smashed by Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_BULL-DOG_BREED">Bull-dog Breed, the,</a><br> +<a href="#Government_bungalows">Bungalows, Government, increase of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._John_Burns">Burns, Mr. John, re-emerges</a>,<br> +<a href="#Byng">Byng, General</a>,<br> + <a href="#victory_at_Cambrai">Victory at Cambrai</a>,<br> +<a href="#Byron">Byron, Lord, and Greece</a>,<br> +<a href="#BY_SPECIAL_REQUEST">By special request</a>,<br> +<br> +<a href="#pool_their_salaries">Cabinet pool salaries</a>,<br> +<a href="#The_older_Universities">Cadet battalions housed in colleges</a>,<br> +<a href="#Cantigny">Caligny, Americans at,</a><br> +<a href="#smart_people">Callousness of smart people</a>,<br> +Cambrai<br> + <a href="#victory_at_Cambrai">Byng's victory at</a>,<br> + <a href="#Cambrai">Recaptured by Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#cadet_battalions">Cambridge, Cadet battalions at</a>,<br> +<a href="#TRIALS_OF_A_CAMOUFLAGE_OFFICER">Camouflage, new art of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Caporetto">Caporetto, enemy break through at</a>,<br> +<a href="#Captain_of_Koepenick">"Captain of Koepenick" reported dead</a>,<br> +Carson, Sir Edward<br> + <a href="#Edward_Carson">Pays tribute to Major Redmond</a>,<br> + <a href="#Sir_Edward_Carson">Resigns Office</a>,<br> +<a href="#Sir_Roger_Casement">Casement, Sir Roger, and German Kaiser</a>,<br> +<a href="#Generals">Castlenau, General</a>,<br> +<a href="#our_casualties">Casualties, British</a>,<br> +Cavell, Edith<br> + <a href="#Edith_Cavell">Murder of,</a><br> + <a href="#names_of_her_chief_assassins">Names of her principal assassins</a>,<br> +<a href="#new_Minister_of_Blockade">Cecil, Lord Robert, appointed Minister of Blockade</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_CELESTIAL_DUD">Celestial Dud, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#The_rigours_of_the_Censorshi">Censorship and War Correspondents</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_CHALLENGE">Challenge, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._Austen_Chamberlain">Chamberlain, Mr. Austen, resigns office</a>,<br> +<a href="#offensive_in_Champagne">Champagne, French offensive at</a>,<br> +<a href="#Chemin_des_Dames">Chemin des Dames, Germans capture</a>,<br> +<a href="#CHILDREN_OF_CONSOLATION">Children of Consolation</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_CHILDRENS_PEACE">Children's Peace</a>,<br> +<a href="#In_China">China, food prices in</a>,<br> +Christmas<br> + <a href="#MrPunchsviews">Musings, Punch's</a>,<br> + <a href="#truce_and_fraternisation">Truce and fraternisation</a>,<br> +<a href="#requisition_of_those_church-bells">Church bells requisitioned</a>,<br> +Churchill, Mr. Winston<br> + <a href="#Minister_of_Munitions">Appointed Minister of Munitions</a>,<br> + <a href="#Dardanelson">Dardanelles expedition</a>,<br> + <a href="#landscape_painting">Paints landscapes</a>,<br> + <a href="#rejoined_his_regiment">Rejoins his regiment</a>,<br> + <a href="#rejoined_his_regiment">Resigns Duchy of Lancaster</a>,<br> + <a href="#retirement_of_Mr._Churchill">Retires to Duchy of Lancaster</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_CIVILIAN_AND_THE_WAR_OFFICE">Civilian, the, and the War Office</a>,<br> +<a href="#Civil_Service_Estimates">Civil Service Estimates</a>,<br> +Clemenceau, M.<br> + <a href="#Clemenceaus_escape">Attempted assassination of</a>,<br> + <a href="#in_Clemenceau">Tribute to</a>,<br> +<a href="#labour_troubles_on_the_Clyde">Clyde, labour troubles on the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Coal_Industry_Commission">Coal Commission appointed</a>,<br> +Coalition Government<br> + <a href="#formation_of_a_Coalition_Government">Formed</a>,<br> + <a href="#The_pledges">Leaders' pledges</a>,<br> +<a href="#triumph_for_the_Coalition">Coalitionists triumph at General Election</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_COAT_THAT_DIDNT_COME_OFF">Coat that didn't come off, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#The_Archbishop_of_Cologne">Cologne, Archbishop of, and the Kaiser</a>,<br> +<a href="#Combles">Combles taken by Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_COMING_ARMY">Coming Army, the</a>,<br> +Commission<br> + <a href="#Special_Commissions">To inquire into Dardanelles expedition</a>,<br> + <a href="#Special_Commissions">To inquire into Mesopotamian expedition</a>,<br> +<a href="#COMPLETE_ACCORD">"Complete accord,"</a><br> +<a href="#Compulsory_rationing">Compulsory rationing a fact</a>,<br> +<a href="#COMRADES_IN_VICTORY">Comrades in Victory</a>,<br> +<a href="#conscientious_objectors_in_the_Non-Combatant_Corps">Conscientious Objectors in Non-combatant Corps</a>,<br> +<a href="#guarding_the_Kings_highway">Constables, special, guard King's highway</a>,<br> +Constantine, King of Greece<br> + <a href="#abdicated">Abdicates</a>,<br> + Contemplates abdication,<br> + <a href="#University_Professors">Forms Cabinet of Professors</a>,<br> + <a href="#Mr._Asquiths_appeal_to_the_traditions">Mr. Asquith's appeal to</a>,<br> + <a href="#ex-King_Constantine">To receive £20,000 a year</a>,<br> + <a href="#tenderness">Treated tenderly</a>,<br> +<a href="#Old_Contemptibles">Contemptibles, the old</a>,<br> +<a href="#Corn_Production_Bill">Corn Production Bill</a>,<br> +<a href="#Coronel_has_been_avenged">Coronel avenged</a>,<br> +Correspondents, Mr. Punch's, <a href="#ThenumberofMrPunchscorrespondents">i</a>, <a href="#A_correspondent_reminds">ii</a>, <a href="#MrPunchsCorrespondent">iii</a>, <a href="#MrPunchscorrespondents">iv</a><br> +<a href="#Cradock">Cradock, Admiral</a>,<br> +<a href="#Whips_definition_of_a_crank">Crank, Whip's definition of a</a>,<br> +<a href="#French_have_taken_Craonne">Craonne taken by French</a>,<br> +<a href="#credibility_index">"Credibility index,"</a><br> +Crown Prince, German<br> + <a href="#an_interview_to_an_American">American interviews</a>,<br> + <a href="#common_brigand">Common brigand, a</a>,<br> + <a href="#Crown_Prince_is_reported">Has misgivings</a>,<br> + <a href="#in_exile">In exile</a>,<br> +<a href="#Cuba_has_declared_war">Cuba declares war on Austria</a>,<br> +<a href="#downing_of_the_Zepp_at_Cuffley">Cuffley, Zeppelin brought down at</a>,<br> +<br> +<a href="#admirable_candour"><i>Daily Mail</i>, candour of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Daily_News"><i>Daily News</i> and <i>Punch</i></a>,<br> +<a href="#letter_to_the_Daily_Telegraph"><i>Daily Telegraph</i>, Lord Lansdowne's letter to</a>,<br> +<a href="#captured_Damascus">Damascus captured by Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_DANCE_OF_DEATH">Dance of Death, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#reached_the_Danube">Danube, Serbians reach the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Dardanelles_Commission">Dardanelles Commission</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_DAWN_OF_DOUBT">Dawn of Doubt, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Daylight_saving">Daylight Saving</a>,<br> + <a href="#Daylight_Saving_Bill">Bill passed</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_DEATH_LORD">Death Lord, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Generals">Debeney, General</a>,<br> + <a href="#earned_the_praise">Praises Americans</a>,<br> +<a href="#Defence_of_the_Realm_Act">Defence of the Realm Act</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_REWARD_OF_DEMERIT">(De)merit, the reward of,</a><br> +<a href="#demobilisation">Demobilisation commences</a>,<br> +Derby, Lord<br> + <a href="#Derbys_Day">Director of Recruiting</a>,<br> + <a href="#Lord_Derby">Minister of War</a>,<br> +<a href="#Dr._Dernburg">Dernburg, Dr., his picture of German innocents</a>,<br> +<a href="#submarine_cruiser"><i>Deutschland</i>, German submarine, exploits of</a>,<br> +Devonport, Lord<br> + <a href="#Lord_Devonport">Appointed Food Controller</a>,<br> + <a href="#new_dietary">Approves new dietary for prisoners</a>,<br> + <a href="#retirement_from_the_post_of_Food_Controller">Retires as Food Controller</a>,<br> +Diary--<br> + <a href="#August1914">1914, August,</a><br> + <a href="#September1914">September,</a><br> + <a href="#October1914">October,</a><br> + <a href="#November1914">November,</a><br> + <a href="#December1914">December,</a><br> + <a href="#January1915">1915, January,</a><br> + <a href="#February1915">February,</a><br> + <a href="#March1915">March,</a><br> + <a href="#April1915">April,</a><br> + <a href="#May1915">May,</a><br> + <a href="#June1915">June,</a><br> + <a href="#July1915">July,</a><br> + <a href="#August1915">August,</a><br> + <a href="#September1915">September,</a><br> + <a href="#October1915">October,</a><br> + <a href="#November1915">November,</a><br> + <a href="#December1915">December,</a><br> + <a href="#January1916">1916, January,</a><br> + <a href="#February1916">February,</a><br> + <a href="#March1916">March,</a><br> + <a href="#April1916">April,</a><br> + <a href="#May1916">May,</a><br> + <a href="#June1916">June,</a><br> + <a href="#July1916">July,</a><br> + <a href="#August1916">August,</a><br> + <a href="#September1916">September,</a><br> + <a href="#October1916">October,</a><br> + <a href="#November1916">November,</a><br> + <a href="#December1916">December,</a><br> + <a href="#January1917">1917, January,</a><br> + <a href="#February1917"> February,</a><br> + <a href="#March1917">March,</a><br> + <a href="#April1917">April</a>,<br> + <a href="#May1917">May,</a><br> + <a href="#June1917">June,</a><br> + <a href="#July1917">July,</a><br> + <a href="#August1917">August,</a><br> + <a href="#September1917">September,</a><br> + <a href="#October1917">October,</a><br> + <a href="#November1917">November,</a><br> + <a href="#December1917">December,</a><br> + <a href="#January1918">1918, January,</a><br> + <a href="#February1918">February,</a><br> + <a href="#March1918">March,</a><br> + <a href="#April1918">April,</a><br> + <a href="#May1918">May,</a><br> + <a href="#June1918">June,</a><br> + <a href="#July1918"> July,</a><br> + <a href="#August1918">August,</a><br> + <a href="#September1918">September,</a><br> + <a href="#October1918">October,</a><br> + <a href="#November1918">November,</a><br> +<a href="#Die_Nacht_am_Rhein">Die Nacht am Rhein</a>,<br> +<a href="#Dogger_Bank">Dogger Bank</a>,<br> + <a href="#knock_for_the_Germans">German reverse off</a>,<br> +<a href="#psychology">Domestic servant's philosophy</a>,<br> +<a href="#the_Dominions">Dominions, loyalty of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Douai_were_regained">Douai regained by Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#drakesway">Drake's Way</a>,<br> +<a href="#DrocourtQuĂ©ant">Drocourt-Quéant switchline breached by Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_DUD">Dud, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._Duke_has_retired">Duke, Mr., retires from Irish Chief Secretaryship</a>,<br> +<a href="#Dr._Dumba">Dumba, Dr., promotes strikes in U.S.A.</a>,<br> +<a href="#Lord_Dunraven">Dunraven, Lord, excuses Irishmen</a>,<br> +<a href="#DYNASTIC_AMENITIES">Dynastic Amenities</a>,<br> +<br> +<a href="#THE_EASTER_OFFERING">Easter offering, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#appeals_for_economy">Economy, appeals for</a>,<br> +<a href="#editoroftheVorwärts">Editor of the <i>Vorwärts</i> arrested</a>,<br> +Education Bill<br> + <a href="#Education_Bill">Second reading of</a>,<br> + <a href="#Lord_Haldane_education">Lord Haldane lectures on</a>,<br> +<a href="#Ekaterinburg">Ekaterinburg, Ex-Tsar and family murdered at</a>,<br> +<a href="#sinking_of_the_Emden"><i>Emden</i> sunk by the <i>Sydney</i></a>,<br> +<a href="#The_two_Emmas">Emmas, the two</a>,<br> +<a href="#War_could_not_have_been_won">Empire, indispensable in winning War</a>,<br> +<a href="#ENDOFAPERFECTTAG">End of a perfect "Tag,"</a><br> +England<br> + <a href="#New_York_Life">Tribute to, by <i>New York Life</i></a>,<br> + <a href="#War_could_not_have_been_won">War could not have been won without</a>,<br> +<a href="#Enver_Pasha">Enver Pasha goes to Medina</a>,<br> +<a href="#EPILOGUE">Epilogue</a>,<br> +<a href="#Erzerum">Erzerum falls to Russians</a>,<br> +<a href="#Front_euphemism">Euphemists</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_EXCURSIONIST">Excursionist, the,</a><br> +<a href="#THE_IRISH_EXILE">Exile, the Irish</a>,<br> +<br> +"<a href="#appointmentofFE">F.E." appointed Lord Chancellor</a>,<br> +<a href="#liner_Falaba"><i>Falaba</i>, the, sunk by German submarine</a>,<br> +<a href="#Falkland_Isles">Falkland Islands</a>,<br> + <a href="#Coronel_has_been_avenged">Battle of</a>,<br> +<a href="#FARMER_AND_THE_FARM_LABOURER">Farmer and Farm Labourer</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_FAR-REACHING_EFFECT_OF_THE_RUSSIAN_PUSH">Far-reaching effect of the Russian Push, the</a>,<br> +Ferdinand, King of Bulgaria<br> + <a href="#Ferdinand_of_Bulgaria">Abdicates</a>,<br> + <a href="#declared_war_on_Serbia">Declares war on Serbia</a>,<br> + <a href="#Tsar_of_Bulgaria">Goes to Vienna</a>,<br> + <a href="#inscrutability">Inscrutability of</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_STORY_OF_FIDGETY_WILHELM">Fidgety Wilhelm, the story of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Fifth_British_Army">Fifth British Army, Germans break through</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_FINAL">Final, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Lord_Fisher">Fisher, Lord, will not give explanations,</a><br> +<a href="#Mr._Fisher">Fisher, Mr., eulogised</a>,<br> +<a href="#flag_day">Flag days</a>,<br> +<a href="#coast_of_Flanders">Flanders coast evacuated by Germans</a>,<br> +<a href="#surrender_of_the_German_Fleet">Fleet, German, surrenders</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_FLIGHT_THAT_FAILED">Flight that failed</a>,<br> +<a href="#flying_of_the_Atlantic">Flying of the Atlantic</a>,<br> +Foch, General<br> + <a href="#GeneralFochasGeneralissimo">Appointed Generalissimo of Allied Forces</a>,<br> + <a href="#Marshal_Foch">Arranges Armistice</a>,<br> + <a href="#G.C.B">Made a G.C.B.</a>,<br> + <a href="#Marshal_Foch_received">Receives German envoys</a>,<br> + <a href="#greatest_military_genius">Tribute to</a>,<br> +<a href="#Food_at_the_front">Food at the Front</a>,<br> + <a href="#Food_Control">Control, public for</a>,<br> + <a href="#Food_and_Food_Production">Production, urgency for increased</a>,<br> + <a href="#question_of_food">Question discussed in Parliament</a>,<br> + <a href="#food_question">Question in Germany</a>,<br> + <a href="#FOOD_RESTRICTION">Restriction</a>,<br> + <a href="#Food_stocks_going_up">Stocks increasing</a>,<br> +Ford, Mr. Henry<br> + <a href="#Mr._Henry_Ford">Offers his works to American authorities</a>,<br> + <a href="#HenryFordsvoyagetoEurope">Visits Europe</a>,<br> +<a href="#FOR_NEUTRALS_-_FOR_NATIVES">For Neutrals--For Natives,</a><br> +<a href="#Fort_Douaumont_has_fallen">Fort Douaumont falls</a>,<br> +<a href="#Fourth_of_July">Fourth of July celebrated in France</a>,<br> +<a href="#French_territory">France, destruction and desolation of</a>,<br> +<a href="#FrancesDay">France's Day</a>,<br> +<a href="#Generals">Franchet d'Esperey, General</a>,<br> +<a href="#Francis_Joseph_of_Austria">Francis Joseph, Emperor, dies</a>,<br> +French, General<br> + <a href="#the_new_Viceroy">Appointed Viceroy of Ireland</a>,<br> + <a href="#Frenchscontemptiblelittlearmy">His "contemptible little army,"</a><br> + <a href="#Sir_John_French">Relinquishes his command</a>,<br> + <a href="#Field-Marshal_Lord_French">Responsible for Home Defence against enemy aircraft</a>,<br> +<a href="#Captain_Fryatt">Fryatt, Captain, murder of</a>,<br> +<a href="#U-boats_are_busy">Funchal, U-boats busy at</a>,<br> +<br> +<a href="#gaiety">Gaiety at military hospitals</a>,<br> +<a href="#GALLIPOLI">Gallipoli</a>,<br> + <a href="#Allies_in_Gallipoli">Allies land in</a>,<br> + <a href="#Gallipoli_our_casualties">Casualties in</a>,<br> + Complete evacuation of, <a href="#evacuation_of_Gallipoli">i</a>, <a href="#complete_evacuation_of_Gallipoli">ii</a><br> + <a href="#Gallipoli_the_deadly_struggle">Discomforts of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Garibaldi">Garibaldi still an animating force in Italy</a>,<br> +<a href="#GAULTOTHENEWCAESAR">Gaul to the New Caesar,</a><br> +<a href="#Gaza_has_fallen">Gaza taken by British</a>,<br> +Geddes, Sir Eric<br> + <a href="#Sir_Eric_Geddes">Defends Admiralty</a>,<br> + <a href="#Sir_Eric_Geddes">First Lord</a>,<br> +<a href="#General_Election">General Election</a>,<br> +<a href="#General_Janvier">General Janvier</a>,<br> +<a href="#geography">Geography taught by War</a>,<br> +George V. of England<br> + <a href="#The_King">Abolishes German titles held by family</a>,<br> + <a href="#King_in_Council">His House to be known as Windsor</a>,<br> + <a href="#our_King_and_Queen">Sets a fine example</a>,<br> + <a href="#visit_to_the_front">Visits Front</a>,<br> +George, Mr. Lloyd<br> + <a href="#Ministry_of_Munitions">Appointed Minister of Munitions</a>,<br> + <a href="#defined_our_policy">Defines British policy</a>,<br> + <a href="#been_deputed">Deputed to confer with Irish leaders</a>,<br> + <a href="#Irish_Convention">Expounds plan for Irish Convention</a>,<br> + <a href="#ceased_to_be_Prime_Minister">Prime Minister</a>,<br> + <a href="#War_Secretary">Secretary for War</a>,<br> + <a href="#suffered_in_prestige">Suffers in prestige</a>,<br> + <a href="#triumph_for_the_Coalition">Triumph of</a>,<br> + <a href="#warned_the_peacemongers">Warns peacemongers</a>,<br> +<a href="#Reminiscences_of_Mr._Gerard">Gerard, Mr., Reminiscences of</a>,<br> +German<br> + "<a href="#frightfulness">Frightfulness</a>,"<br> + <a href="#German_General_Staff">General Staff and set-backs</a>,<br> + <a href="#substitute">Substitutes</a>,<br> +Germany<br> + <a href="#campaign_of_falsehood">Campaign of Falsehood in</a>,<br> + <a href="#civil_war_in_Germany">Civil War in</a>,<br> + <a href="#surrender_of_the_German_Fleet">Fleet surrenders</a>,<br> + <a href="#German_Truth_Society">"German Truth Society" founded</a>,<br> + <a href="#great_mistakes">Great mistake of</a>,<br> + <a href="#hint_to_Italy">Hints to Italy</a>,<br> + <a href="#treatment_of_prisoners">Ill-treats prisoners</a>,<br> + <a href="#drastic_reprisals">Indulges in reprisals</a>,<br> + <a href="#sinking_of_the_Lusitania">Jealous of <i>Lusitania</i> records</a>,<br> + <a href="#piteous_lamentations">Laments over Allied blockade</a>,<br> + <a href="#lunatics">Lunatics called up for service</a>,<br> + <a href="#mutiny">Mutiny at Kiel</a>,<br> + <a href="#new_peace_offensive">New Peace offensive</a>,<br> + <a href="#contrast">Old, contrasted</a>,<br> + <a href="#peace_overtures">Peace overtures</a>,<br> + <a href="#signed_on_November_11_an_armistice">Signs armistice</a>,<br> + <a href="#To_sign_or_not_to_sign">Signs peace</a>,<br> + <a href="#two_hospital_ships">Sinks two hospital ships</a>,<br> + <a href="#spraying_our_soldiers">Sprays British soldiers with flaming petrol</a>,<br> + <a href="#spraying_our_soldiers">Squirts boiling pitch over Russians</a>,<br> + <a href="#blockade_of_England">Torpedoes Neutral merchant ships</a>,<br> + <a href="#ON_THE_BLACK_LIST">Warns <i>Punch</i></a>,<br> +<a href="#GHOSTS_AT_VERSAILLES">Ghosts at Versailles</a>,<br> +<a href="#GODANDTHEWOMENOURSHIELD">God (and the Women) our shield,</a><br> +<a href="#Goeben"><i>Goeben</i>, disaster to the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Cradock"><i>Good Hope</i>, H.M.S., sunk</a>,<br> +<a href="#Gotha">Gothas, activities of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Generals">Gouraud, General</a>,<br> +<a href="#English_governesses">Governesses, English, revelations of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Grandcourt">Grandcourt, taken by British</a>,<br> +<a href="#Grand_Fleet">Grand Fleet, ceaseless vigil of</a>,<br> + <a href="#titleGrandFleet">Title, passes</a>.<br> +<a href="#THE_GRAPES_OF_VERDUN">Grapes of Verdun, the,</a><br> +<a href="#A_GREAT_INCENTIVE">Great incentive, a</a>,<br> +Greece<br> + <a href="#Greece">Dominated by pro-German Court</a>,<br> + <a href="#Greece">Hampers Allies</a>,<br> + <a href="#violation_of_Greek_territory">Territory violated by Bulgarian troops</a>,<br> + <a href="#Mr._Asquiths_appeal_to_the_traditions">Ultimatum presented to</a>,<br> +<a href="#Greenwich_time">Greenwich time applied to Ireland</a>,<br> +Grey, Sir Edward<br> + <a href="#Sir_Edward_Grey">Dissatisfied with Neutrals</a>,<br> + <a href="#SirEdwardGreysstatement">Statements <i>re</i> France and Belgium</a>,<br> +<a href="#Grimsby">Grimsby fishermen's fight</a>,<br> +<a href="#Defence_of_the_Realm_Act">Guy Fawkes Day, no fireworks on</a>,<br> +<a href="#Gwynn">Gwynn, Capt., undertakes to raise Irish brigade</a>,<br> +<br> +Haig, Sir Douglas<br> + <a href="#Sir_Douglas_Haig_has_succeeded">Commander-in-Chief of British Armies in France</a>,<br> + <a href="#Sir_Douglas_Haig">Issues a Dispatch</a>,<br> + <a href="#Sir_Douglas_Haig_issued">Issues historic order</a>,<br> +Haldane, Lord<br> + <a href="#Lord_Haldane">Debt to, for Territorials</a>,<br> + <a href="#Lord_Haldane_education">Lectures on Education</a>,<br> + <a href="#Lord_Haldane_succeeded">Retires from Chancellorship</a>,<br> +<a href="#HAMLET_U.S.A.">Hamlet, U.S.A.,</a><br> +<a href="#tragic_death_of_Lord_Kitchener"><i>Hampshire</i>, the, mined</a>,<br> +<a href="#A_HANDY_MAN">Handyman, A,</a><br> +<a href="#Hardinge_Report">Hardinge Report, Lords discuss the</a>,<br> +<a href="#harvest_has_been_a_success">Harvest, a successful</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_HAUNTED_SHIP">Haunted ship</a>,<br> +<a href="#Antwerp_has_fallen">Havre, Belgian Government removed to</a>,<br> +<a href="#IAN_HAY">Hay, Ian, book by</a>,<br> +<a href="#Tim_Healy">Healy, Mr. Tim, champions Government</a>,<br> +<a href="#HELD">Held!</a><br> +<a href="#Dogger_Bank">Heligoland Bight</a>,<br> + <a href="#Heligoland_Bight">Naval engagement in</a>,<br> +<a href="#Hertling">Hertling, Erzberger's campaign against Chancellor</a>,<br> +<a href="#Hidden_Hand">Hidden Hand, the</a>,<br> +Hindenburg, Marshal von<br> + <a href="#Hindenbur">Assumes command of Austrian troops</a>,<br> + <a href="#Hindenburg_a_birthday_present">Presented with house</a>,<br> + <a href="#retreat_of_Hindenburg">Retreats on Western Front</a><br> +<a href="#HINDENBURGITIS">Hindenburgitis</a><br> +<a href="#Hindenburg_line">Hindenburg line breached</a><br> +<a href="#HIS_LATEST">His latest</a><br> +<a href="#At_home">Home Front, the</a><br> + <a href="#prominent_man_on_the_Home_Front">Derby, Lord, most prominent man on</a><br> + <a href="#enemy_in_Drink">Drink, a dangerous enemy</a><br> + <a href="#education_of_those_on_the_Home">Education of those on</a><br> + <a href="#sacrifice_of_flower_beds">Flower-beds sacrificed</a><br> + <a href="#khaki_weddings">Khaki weddings</a><br> + <a href="#London_police">London Police strike</a><br> + <a href="#pessimists">Pessimists, cure for</a><br> + <a href="#railway_travelling">Railway Travelling, discomforts of</a><br> + <a href="#trials_of_mistresses">Trials of mistresses on</a><br> +<a href="#success_at_Hooge">Hooge, British success at</a><br> +<a href="#Byng">Horne, General</a><br> +<a href="#HEAD_OF_GOVERNMENT_DEPARTMENT">Hotels commandeered</a><br> +House of Commons<br> + <a href="#processiontoStMargaretsChurch">Attends church</a><br> + <a href="#characteristics">Characteristics of</a><br> +<a href="#HOW_TO_BRIGHTEN_THE_PERIOD_OF_REACTION">How to brighten the period of reaction</a><br> +<a href="#Hunding">Hunding line</a><br> +<a href="#HUN_TO_HUN">Hun to Hun</a><br> +<a href="#Hyde_Park">Hyde Park used for training troops</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#lonely_soldiers">India, "lonely soldiers" in</a><br> +<a href="#Indian_troops">Indian troops</a><br> +<a href="#THE_INFECTIOUS_HORNPIPE">Infectious hornpipe, the</a><br> +<a href="#influenza">Influenza, Spanish</a><br> +<a href="#IN_HONOUR_OF_THE_BRITISH_NAVY">In honour of the British Navy</a><br> +<a href="#IN_RESERVE">In reserve</a><br> +<a href="#THE_INSEPARABLE">Inseparable, the</a><br> +<a href="#invasion_by_sea">Invasion by sea, English Press fears</a><br> +Ireland<br> + <a href="#Ireland">Debate on, in Parliament</a><br> + <a href="#Irish_bog">Dominates proceedings in Parliament</a><br> + <a href="#exemption_of_Ireland">Exempted from Military Service Bill</a><br> + <a href="#Greenwich_time">Greenwich time applied to</a><br> + <a href="#insurrection_in_the_West">Insurrection in West of</a><br> + <a href="#insurrection_in_the_West">Insurrectionist leaders executed</a><br> + <a href="#irreconcilables">Irreconcilables triumph at General Election</a><br> + <a href="#Sir_John_Maxwell">Maxwell, Sir John, appointed to supreme command</a><br> + <a href="#attacks_on_Sir_John">Nationalists attack Sir John Maxwell</a><br> + <a href="#martial_law">Placed under martial law</a><br> +<a href="#Irish_Convention">Irish Convention</a><br> + <a href="#THE_IRISH_EXILE">Exile, the</a><br> + <a href="#harvest_labourers">Harvest labourers</a><br> +Italy<br> + <a href="#Bainsizza">Bainsizza plateau saved</a><br> + <a href="#Italy_has_declared_war_on_Austria">Declares war on Austria</a><br> + <a href="#Isonzo">Push on the Isonzo</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#Gaza_has_fallen">Jaffa, British in</a><br> +James, Mr. Henry<br> + <a href="#Mr._Henry_James">Adopts British nationality</a><br> + <a href="#late_Mr._Henry_James">Tribute to England by</a><br> +<a href="#outbreak_of_Jazz">Jazz, outbreak of</a><br> +<a href="#retirement_of_Lord_Jellicoe">Jellicoe, Lord, retires from post of First Sea Lord</a><br> +<a href="#capture_of_Jericho">Jericho captured by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#Jerusalem_captured">Jerusalem captured by British</a><br> +<a href="#Joffre">Joffre, General, announces rolling back of enemy</a><br> +<a href="#AugustusJohnsportrait">John, Mr. Augustus, paints Mr. Lloyd George's portrait</a><br> +Jones, Mr. Kennedy<br> + <a href="#beer_is_a_food">Declares beer a food</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._Kennedy_Jones">Resignation of</a><br> +<a href="#journalists">Journalists visit the Fleet</a><br> +<a href="#battle_of_Jutland">Jutland, Battle of</a><br> +<br> +Kaiser, German<br> + <a href="#Revolution_broke_out">Abdicates</a><br> + <a href="#funeral_of_the_late_Emperor_Francis_Joseph">Absent from Francis Joseph's funeral</a><br> + <a href="#Attilasunderstudy">Attila's understudy</a><br> + <a href="#blasphemer_and_hypocrite">Blasphemer and Hypocrite</a><br> + <a href="#statement_denying">Denies responsibility for War</a><br> + <a href="#disappointed_with_Allah">Disappointed with Allah</a><br> + <a href="#war_on_non-combatants">Encourages war on non-combatants</a><br> + <a href="#first_War_birthday">First War birthday</a><br> + <a href="#Kaiser_fled_to_Holland">Flees to Holland</a><br> + <a href="#fall_of_Nancy">Foiled before Nancy</a><br> + <a href="#another_grandson">Has another grandson</a><br> + <a href="#Out-Heroding_Herod">Murderer of innocents</a><br> + <a href="#blockade_of_England">Orders blockade of England</a><br> + <a href="#friend_of_the_people">Poses as friend of the people</a><br> + <a href="#pro-Socialist">Pro-Socialist</a><br> + <a href="#MrPunchsviews"><i>Punch's</i> views on</a><br> + <a href="#active_participation">Refrains from active participation in military operations</a><br> + <a href="#severely_reprimanded">Reprimands Prince Frederick Leopold of Prussia</a><br> + <a href="#sorry_for_France">Sorry for France</a><br> + <a href="#Eton_College_Volunteers">Speech to Eton College Volunteers</a><br> + <a href="#talksofhisconscience">Talks of his conscience</a><br> +<a href="#ex-Kaiser">Kaiser, Ex-, saws trees</a><br> +<a href="#suggestion_that_France_ought_to_have_Alsace-Lorraine">Karl, Emperor of Austria's suggestion <i>re</i> Alsace-Lorraine</a><br> +<a href="#bombardment_of_Karlsruhe_by_Allied_airmen">Karlsruhe bombarded by Allied airmen</a><br> +<a href="#Mr._Kerensky">Kerensky, appointed head of Russian Provisional Government</a><br> + <a href="#overthrown_the_Kerensky">Overthrown</a><br> +<a href="#Keyes">Keyes, Admiral, locks up German submarines</a><br> +<a href="#mutiny">Kiel, mutiny at</a><br> +<a href="#Mr._Kipling">Kipling, Mr.</a><br> +Kitchener, Lord<br> + <a href="#Lord_Kitchener_has_asked">Asks for more men</a><br> + <a href="#tragic_death_of_Lord_Kitchener">Death of</a><br> + <a href="#eulogies">Eulogies of</a><br> + <a href="#very_economical">Gives frugal information to Lords</a><br> + <a href="#tragic_death_of_Lord_Kitchener">Meets critics in Parliament</a><br> + <a href="#500000men">Obtains 1,000,000 men</a><br> + <a href="#tragic_death_of_Lord_Kitchener">Starts on the <i>Hampshire</i> for Russia</a><br> + <a href="#War_Office">War Minister</a><br> +<a href="#General_von_Kluck">Kluck, General von, failure of</a><br> +<a href="#KölnischeZeitung"><i>Kölnische Zeitung</i> and <i>Punch</i></a><br> +<a href="#vonKĂĽhlmann">Kühlmann, von, fall of</a><br> +<a href="#THE_REWARD_OF_KULTUR">Kultur, the reward of</a><br> +<a href="#Kut">Kut captured by British</a><br> +<br> +Labour<br> + <a href="#demands_of_Labour">Demands of</a><br> + <a href="#real_voice_of">Real voice of</a><br> + <a href="#Labour_came_back">Representation of</a><br> + <a href="#labour_troubles_on_the_Clyde">Troubles</a><br> +<a href="#letter_to_the_Daily_Telegraph">Lansdowne, Lord, writes to <i>Daily Telegraph</i></a><br> +<a href="#Cambrai">Laon, recaptured by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#THE_LAST_THROW">Last Throw, the</a><br> +Law, Mr. Bonar<br> + <a href="#Air_Ministry">Announces air-raid reprisals</a><br> + <a href="#new_Leader_of_the_House">Appointed Leader of the House</a><br> + <a href="#declared_the_policy">Declares policy <i>re</i> indemnities</a><br> + <a href="#brought_in_a_Budget">Introduces Budget</a><br> + <a href="#new_Leader_of_the_House">Made Chancellor of the Exchequer</a><br> + <a href="#making_trips_to_and_from_France">Travels to France by aeroplane</a><br> + <a href="#discuss_a_military_situation">Will not discuss military situation</a>,<br> +<a href="#League_of_Nations">League of Nations takes shape</a><br> +<a href="#Leinster"><i>Leinster</i>, the, sunk by Germans</a><br> +Lenin<br> + <a href="#name_Lenin">Appearance of</a><br> + <a href="#Lenin_the_Bolshevist">Attempted assassination of</a><br> + <a href="#overthrown_the_Kerensky">Installed as dictator</a><br> +<a href="#THE_LIBERATORS">Liberators, the</a><br> +<a href="#Lichnowsky">Lichnowsky's disclosures</a><br> +<a href="#fallofLiège">Liége, Fall of</a><br> +<a href="#campaign_of_lies">Lies, German campaign of</a><br> +<a href="#Gotha">Lighting Orders, enforcement of</a><br> +<a href="#Douai_were_regained">Lille regained by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#Lissauer">Lissauer, Herr, decorated by Kaiser</a><br> +<a href="#Daylight_air-raids">London, daylight air-raids extend to</a><br> +<a href="#lonely_soldiers">Lonely soldiers</a><br> +<a href="#Walter_Long">Long, Mr. Walter, his remedy for carping criticism</a><br> +<a href="#offensive_in_Champagne">Loos, fighting at</a><br> +<a href="#LordMayorsbanquet">Lord Mayor's banquet simplified</a><br> +<a href="#THE_LOST_CHIEF">Lost chief, the</a><br> +<a href="#A_LOST_LAND">Lost land, a</a><br> +<a href="#fallofLiège">Louvain, sack of</a><br> +<a href="#Lovelace">Lovelace, the modern</a><br> +<a href="#Ludendorff">Ludendorff resigns</a><br> +<i>Lusitania</i>, the<br> + <a href="#sinking_of_the_Lusitania">American victims</a><br> + <a href="#sinking_of_the_Lusitania">Sinking of</a><br> +<a href="#restrict_the_imports">Luxuries, imports of, curtailed</a><br> +<a href="#Gwynn">Lynch, Colonel, undertakes to raise Irish brigade</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#MacCabean_Boy_Scouts">MacCabean Boy Scouts</a><br> +MacNeill, Mr. Swift<br> + <a href="#Swift_MacNeill">Endeavours to purge peerage of enemy dukes</a><br> + <a href="#War_Cabinet">Resents setting up of War Cabinet</a><br> +<a href="#MADE_IN_GERMANY">Made in Germany</a><br> +<a href="#Generals">Mangin, General</a><br> +<a href="#Manifesto_of_patriotic_artists_and_professors">Manifesto of German artists and professors</a><br> +<a href="#mercantile_marine">Marine, Mercantile, tribute paid to by Parliament</a><br> +Marne<br> + <a href="#Chemin_des_Dames">German push to</a><br> + <a href="#Marne">Germans again hurled back across</a><br> +<a href="#our_King_and_Queen">Mary, Queen of England, tribute to</a><br> +<a href="#massacre_of_the_innocents">Massacres by Bolshevists</a><br> +Maude, General<br> + <a href="#Kut">Captures Kut</a><br> + <a href="#gallant_Maude">Death of</a><br> +<a href="#Generals">Maunoury, General</a><br> +<a href="#Maurice_Affair">Maurice affair, the</a><br> +<a href="#Burgomaster_Max">Max, Burgomaster of Brussels</a><br> +Max, Prince<br> + <a href="#Prince_Max">German Chancellor</a><br> + <a href="#Prince_Max">Issues pacific manifesto</a><br> +McKenna, Mr.<br> + <a href="#Mr._McKenna">Chancellor of Exchequer</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._McKenna">Introduces Bill for raising War Loan</a><br> +<a href="#Meatless_Days">Meatless days</a><br> +<a href="#men_of_forty-one">Men of forty-one wanted</a><br> +Merchant ships<br> + <a href="#Dutch_merchantmen">Dutch, sunk by German submarine</a><br> + <a href="#blockade_of_England">Neutral, torpedoed by German submarines</a><br> +<a href="#Mesopotamia">Mesopotamia, tide turning in</a><br> +<a href="#Messines_Ridge">Messines Ridge captured</a><br> +Michaelis, Dr.<br> + <a href="#Dr._Michaelis">Appointed German Chancellor</a><br> + <a href="#Dr._Michaelis_dismissed">Dismissed</a><br> +Military Service Bill<br> + <a href="#Military_Service_Bill">Becomes law</a><br> + <a href="#exemption_of_Ireland">Ireland exempted from</a><br> +<a href="#Lord_Milner">Milner, Lord, on misleading war news</a><br> +<a href="#mine-sweepers">Minesweepers, honour due to</a><br> +<a href="#Ministry_of_Munitions">Ministry of Munitions created</a><br> +<a href="#MISSING">Missing</a><br> +<a href="#trials_of_mistresses">Mistresses, trials of</a><br> +Monastir<br> + Fall of, <a href="#Monastir_has_fallen">i</a>, <a href="#fall_of_Monastir">ii</a><br> + <a href="#Monastir_has_been_recaptured">Recaptured by Serbians and French</a><br> +<a href="#Cradock"><i>Monmouth</i>, H.M.S., sunk</a><br> +Mons<br> + <a href="#Kaiser_fled_to_Holland">British reach</a><br> + <a href="#Paris_Government_moved_to_Bordeaux">Retreat from</a><br> +<a href="#Isonzo">Monte Sabotino captured by Italians</a><br> +<a href="#A_PLACE_IN_THE_MOON">Moon our enemy</a><br> +<a href="#STUDY_OF_A_PRUSSIAN_HOUSEHOLD_HAVING_ITS_MORNING_HATE">Morning Hate, Prussian household having its</a><br> +<a href="#Fort_Douaumont_has_fallen">Mort Homme, carnage at</a><br> +Mottoes and proverbs, <a href="#Proverb_for_the_month">i</a>, <a href="#Meatless_Days">ii</a><br> +<a href="#MULE_HUMOUR">Mule humour</a><br> +<a href="#Admiral_von_Spee">Müller, Captain, a chivalrous antagonist</a><br> +<a href="#Smart_fashionables">Munitions, smart people work at</a><br> +<a href="#THE_WAR_SPIRIT_AT_THE_BRITISH_MUSEUM">Museum, British, war spirit at</a><br> +<a href="#London_Museums">Museums, London, closed</a><br> +<a href="#mutiny">Mutiny of sailors at Kiel</a><br> +<a href="#muzzling">Muzzling Order</a><br> +<br> +<br> +<a href="#fallofLiège">Namur, Fall of</a><br> +<a href="#Narrows">Narrows, the, failure to get through</a><br> +<a href="#National_Industrial_Conference">National Industrial Conference</a><br> +<a href="#National_Party">National Party, the new</a><br> +<a href="#National_Registration">National Registration Bill, second Reading of</a><br> +<a href="#National_Thrift">National Thrift Campaign</a><br> +<a href="#Navy">Navy, its efficient work</a><br> +<a href="#THE_NEED_OF_MEN">Need of men, the</a><br> +<a href="#Neuve_Chapelle_captured">Neuve Chapelle captured by British</a><br> +New Armies<br> + <a href="#fusion_of_classes">Composition of</a><br> + <a href="#education_of_our_New_Armies">Education of</a><br> + <a href="#training_of_the_new_armies">Training of</a><br> +<a href="#THE_NEW_CONDUCTOR">New Conductor, the</a><br> +<a href="#Another_Colony">New Guinea taken by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#THE_NEW_LANGUAGE">New language, the</a><br> +<a href="#Newmarket">Newmarket, racing stopped at</a><br> +<a href="#credibility_index">Newspaper readers, credibility index" for</a><br> +Nicholas, Emperor of Russia<br> + <a href="#end_of_Tsardom">Abdicates</a><br> + <a href="#Generalissimo">Generalissimo of his armies</a><br> +<a href="#THE_1919_MODEL">Nineteen-nineteen Model, the</a><br> +Northcliffe, Lord<br> + <a href="#Lord_Northcliffe">and his correspondence</a><br> + <a href="#LordNorthcliffesvisittotheStates">visits U.S.A.</a><br> +<a href="#East_Anglia">North Sea, U-boats active in</a><br> +<a href="#Brest-Litovsk">Novo-Georgievsk taken by enemy</a><br> +<a href="#Bapaume_and_Noyon">Noyon recaptured by Allies</a><br> +<br> +<br> +<a href="#return_of_the_wounded">Officer, wounded, ;experiences of</a><br> +<a href="#young_officers">Officers, young, splendid record of</a><br> +<a href="#oil_in_Derbyshire">Oil discovered in Derbyshire</a><br> +<a href="#THE_OLD_MAN_OF_THE_SEA">Old Man of the Sea</a><br> +<a href="#THE_OLD-TIMER">Old-timer, the</a><br> +<a href="#AN_OMEN_OF_1908">Omen of 1908</a><br> +<a href="#ON_EARTH--PEACE">On Earth--Peace</a><br> +<a href="#ONE_UP">One up!</a><br> +<a href="#ON_THE_BLACK_LIST">On the Black List</a><br> +<a href="#opera_by_an_English_composer">Opera by English composer produced</a><br> +<a href="#THE_OPTIMIST">Optimist, the</a><br> +<a href="#Order_of_the_British_Empire">Order of British Empire</a><br> +<a href="#Orlando">Orlando, Italian Statesman</a><br> +Ostend<br> + <a href="#exploit_of_Zeebrugge">Naval exploit at</a><br> + <a href="#Douai_were_regained">Regained by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#O.T.C.">O.T.C. and the Universities</a><br> +<a href="#OUR_MAN">Our Man</a><br> +<a href="#OUR_PERSEVERING_OFFICIALS">Our persevering officials</a><br> +<a href="#creed_of_Sinn_Fein">"Ourselves Alone" motto of Sinn Fein</a><br> +<a href="#OVERWEIGHTED">Overweighted</a><br> +<a href="#cadet_battalions">Oxford, cadet battalions at</a><br> +<br> +<br> +Pacifists<br> + <a href="#anti-patriots">Dilemma of</a><br> + <a href="#piteous_lamentations">Impressed by Germany's lamentations</a><br> +Paris<br> + <a href="#Exodus_to_Paris">Exodus to</a><br> + <a href="#fixed_on_Paris">Peace Conference at</a><br> + <a href="#ordeal_of_Paris">Shelled by long-distance gun</a><br> +Parliament<br> + <a href="#reassembling_of_Parliament">Assembles</a><br> + <a href="#General_Election">Dissolution of</a><br> + <a href="#life_of_Parliament">Extension of life of</a><br> + <a href="#America_is_now_all_in">Houses of, Stars and Stripes and Union Jack fly over</a><br> +<a href="#Passchendaele">Passchendaele Ridge stormed by British</a><br> +Peace<br> + <a href="#Signature_of_Peace">Signed</a><br> + <a href="#THE_CHILDRENS_PEACE">The children's</a><br> +<a href="#Penny_Postage">Penny Postage gone</a><br> +<a href="#PERFECT_INNOCENCE">Perfect Innocence</a><br> +PĂ©ronne<br> + <a href="#PĂ©ronne">British enter</a><br> + <a href="#Bapaume">Fall of</a><br> + <a href="#DrocourtQuĂ©ant">Recovered by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#THE_PERSUADING_OF_TINO">Persuading of Tino, the</a><br> +<a href="#Generals">Pétain, hero of Verdun</a><br> +<a href="#Piave">Piave, Italians cross the</a><br> +<a href="#London_Museums">Picture galleries, London, closed</a><br> +<a href="#pill-boxes">Pill-boxes, German, made of British cement</a>,<br> +<a href="#A_PITIFUL_POSE">Pitiful pose, a,</a><br> +<a href="#A_PLACE_IN_THE_MOON">Place in the moon, a</a>,<br> +<a href="#A_PLACE_OF_ARMS">Place of Arms, a</a>,<br> +<a href="#A_PLAIN_DUTY">Plain duty, a</a>,<br> +Plumer, General<br> + <a href="#on_the_Piave">Stands firm on the Piave</a>,<br> + <a href="#coast_of_Flanders">Victorious in Flanders</a>,<br> +<a href="#second_battle_of_Ypres">Poison gas, Germans use</a>,<br> +<a href="#London_police">Police, London, strike</a>,<br> +<a href="#political_truce">Political truce</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_POLITICIAN_WHO_ADDRESSED_THE_TROOPS">Politician who addressed the troops, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#Pommern"><i>Pommern</i>, the, sunk by British</a>,<br> +<a href="#Portugal">Portugal enters War</a>,<br> +Posters<br> + <a href="#Posters_and_Publicity">And Publicity</a>,<br> + <a href="#eruption_of_posters">And War Loans</a>,<br> + <a href="#absence_of_posters">Newspaper, absence of</a>,<br> +Press<br> + <a href="#Press_Bureau">Bureau</a>,<br> + <a href="#Press_Campaign">Campaign against Mr. Asquith</a>,<br> + <a href="#German_Press">German, humours of</a>,<br> +Prince of Wales<br> + <a href="#Relief_Fun">Relief Fund</a>,<br> + <a href="#took_his_seat">Takes his seat</a>,<br> +<a href="#Prinkipo">Prinkipo, proposed conference at</a>,<br> +<a href="#British_prisoner_has_been_sentenced">Prisoner, British, sentenced for calling Germans "Huns,"</a><br> +Prisoners<br> + <a href="#Templemore">German, arrive in Ireland</a>,<br> + <a href="#English_civilian_prisoners">German offer <i>re</i></a>,<br> +<a href="#German_propaganda">Propaganda, German, in United States</a>,<br> +Prophecy<br> + <a href="#old_prophecy">An old Arab</a>,<br> + <a href="#for_the_Kaiser"><i>Punch's, re</i> Kaiser</a>,<br> +<a href="#Proportional_Representation">Proportional Representation rejected</a>,<br> +<i>Punch's</i><br> + <a href="#KölnischeZeitung">Cartoons and the <i>Kölnische Zeitung,</i></a><br> + Correspondents, <a href="#MrPunchsCorrespondent">i</a>, <a href="#Watch_Dog_correspondent">ii</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#Queen_Elizabeth"><i>Queen Elizabeth</i>, H.M.S., attacks in Dardanelles</a>,<br> +<a href="#futile_queries">Queries, futile, to wounded soldiers</a>,<br> +Queues<br> + <a href="#queues_have_disappeared">Disappear</a>,<br> + <a href="#ordinary_queues">For various commodities</a>,<br> + <a href="#Qwar">"Queue War,"</a><br> +<br><br> +<a href="#elusive_rabbit">Rabbit, the elusive</a>,<br> +<a href="#runaway_raids">Raids by sea</a>,<br> +<a href="#Rasputin">Rasputin, sinister figure of</a>,<br> +Rationing, compulsory, <a href="#rationing_must_come">i</a>, <a href="#Compulsory_rationing">ii</a><br> +<a href="#Byng">Rawlinson, General</a>,<br> +<a href="#REALISATION">Realisation,</a><br> +<a href="#RECONSTRUCTIONANEWYEARSTASK">Reconstruction</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_RECRUIT_WHO_TOOK_TO_IT_KINDLY">Recruit who took to it kindly</a>,<br> +<a href="#Posters_and_Publicity">Recruiting, posters to aid</a>,<br> +Redmond, Major William<br> + <a href="#Major_Willie_Redmond">Falls in Flanders</a>,<br> + <a href="#most_thrilling_speech">Makes thrilling speech</a>,<br> + <a href="#Major_Willie_Redmond">Tribute to, in Commons</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._John_Redmond">Redmond, Mr. John, death of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Reichstag">Reichstag not blind to facts</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_REJUVENATING_EFFECT_OF_ZEPPELINS">Rejuvenating effect of Zeppelins</a>,<br> +<a href="#reprisals_on_German_cities">Reprisals on German cities advocated</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_REPUDIATION">Repudiation, the,</a><br> +<a href="#THE_RETURN_OF_THE_MOCK_TURTLE-DOVE">Return of the Mock Turtle-Dove</a>,<br> +<a href="#REUNITED">Reunited</a>,<br> +<a href="#Reventlow">Reventlow, Count, and the Kaiser</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_REWARD_OF_KULTUR">Reward of Kultur, the,</a><br> +<a href="#Rheims_Cathedral">Rheims Cathedral bombarded</a>,<br> +<a href="#Alsace-Lorraine">Rhine, British Army's watch on the</a>,<br> +Rhondda, Lord<br> + <a href="#redoubtable_Lord_Rhondda">Appointed Food Controller</a>,<br> + <a href="#death_of_Lord_Rhondda">Death of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Hans_Richter">Richter, Dr. Hans, clamours for British extinction</a>,<br> +<a href="#Gulf_of_Riga">Riga, Gulf of, German defeat in</a>,<br> +<a href="#Germany_has_occupied_Riga">Riga occupied by Germans</a>,<br> +<a href="#French_rivers">Rivers, French, find their voices</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._Roberts">Roberts, Mr., Minister of Labour</a>,<br> +Roberts, Lord<br> + <a href="#death_of_Lord_Roberts">Death of</a>,<br> + <a href="#reluctant_tribute">Germans pay tribute to</a>,<br> + <a href="#dignified_reticence">His reticence</a>,<br> +Robertson, Sir William<br> + <a href="#Eastern_Command_at_home">Accepts Eastern Command at home</a>,<br> + <a href="#Sir_Douglas_Haig_has_succeeded">Appointed Chief of Staff</a>,<br> + <a href="#took_his_seat">Displaced</a>,<br> +<a href="#downing_of_the_Zepp_at_Cuffley">Robinson, Lieutenant, brings down Zeppelin</a>,<br> +<a href="#Mr._Roosevelt">Roosevelt, Mr., invents new invective</a>,<br> +<a href="#Rumania">Roumania joins Allies</a>,<br> +<a href="#our_King_and_Queen">Royal Family, British, fine example of</a>,<br> +<a href="#R.F.C.">Royal Flying Corps</a>,<br> + <a href="#recent_losses">Great losses of</a>,<br> +<a href="#RUNNING_AMOK">Running amok,</a><br> +<a href="#Prince_Rupprecht">Rupprecht, Crown Prince, entertains journalists</a>,<br> +Russia<br> + <a href="#Russian_retreat">Army retreats</a>,<br> + <a href="#overthrown_the_Kerensky">Bolshevist <i>coup d'état.</i></a><br> + <a href="#massacre_of_the_innocents">Bolshevist régime stained with massacres</a>,<br> + <a href="#collapse_of">Collapses</a>,<br> + <a href="#russiasdarkhour">Dark hour of</a>,<br> + <a href="#resurrection_of_Belgium">Débacle in</a>,<br> + <a href="#end_of_Tsardom">End of Tsardom</a><br> + <a href="#Ekaterinburg">Ex-Tsar and family shot</a>,<br> + <a href="#Mr._Kerensky">Provisional Government dissolved</a><br> + <a href="#Russia_recovering_herself">Recovering herself</a><br> + <a href="#Mr._Kerensky">Republic proclaimed</a><br> +<a href="#DoIknowiftheRooshunshasreallycometoEngland">Russian Army said to have passed through England</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#Cambrai">Saint-Quentin recaptured by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#StJamessPark">St. James's Park, lake in, drained</a><br> +<a href="#DrocourtQuĂ©ant">St. Mihiel salient flattened out by Americans</a><br> +Salonika<br> + <a href="#occupied_Belgrade">Allies land at</a><br> + <a href="#Salonika_front">Front</a><br> + <a href="#long_inaction">Triumphant advance by Allies on</a><br> +<a href="#French_have_taken_Craonne">Saluting abolished in Russian Army</a><br> +<a href="#THE_SANDS_RUN_OUT">Sands run out, the</a><br> +<a href="#Bainsizza">San Gabriele, Italian success at</a><br> +<a href="#Santa_Klaus">Santa Klaus, <i>Punch</i> welcomes</a><br> +<a href="#surrender_of_the_German_Fleet">Scapa Flow, German Fleet surrenders at</a><br> + <a href="#French_flags_at_Berlin">Germans scuttle their warships at</a><br> +<a href="#Scarborough">Scarborough bombarded</a><br> +Scott, Admiral Percy<br> + <a href="#Field-Marshal_Lord_French">Expert adviser to Lord French</a><br> +<a href="#THE_SCRAPPER_SCRAPPED">Scrapper scrapped, the</a><br> +Secret<br> + <a href="#SECRET_DIPLOMACY">Diplomacy</a><br> + <a href="#Secret_Session">Session</a><br> +<a href="#Sedan">Sedan, American Army reaches</a><br> +Serbia<br> + <a href="#occupied_Belgrade">Austrians and Germans invade</a><br> + <a href="#resurrection_of_Belgium">Liberation of</a><br> + <a href="#fall_of_Monastir">Overrun</a><br> +Servant<br> + <a href="#domestic_problem">Domestic, problem</a><br> + <a href="#officersservant">Officer's description of</a><br> +<a href="#Sevastopol">Sevastopol, Germans reach</a><br> +Shaw, Mr. Bernard<br> + <a href="#Mr._Bernard_Shaw">Colossal arch-super-egotist</a><br> + <a href="#visited_the_front">Visits Front</a><br> +<a href="#THESHIRKERSWARNEWS">Shirkers' War News</a><br> +<a href="#Mr._Shortt">Shortt, Mr., appointed Chief Secretary for Ireland</a><br> +<a href="#Hunding">Siegfried line</a><br> +Sinn Fein<br> + <a href="#creed_of_Sinn_Fein">Creed of</a><br> + <a href="#Sinn_Fein_excesses">Excesses</a><br> + <a href="#new_sort_of_war">Plays at war</a><br> +<a href="#smart_people">Smart people, callousness of</a><br> +<a href="#Frenchscontemptiblelittlearmy">Smith-Dorrien, General, at Le Cateau</a><br> +<a href="#General_Smuts">Smuts, General, commands in East Africa</a><br> +<a href="#Chemin_des_Dames">Soissons, Germans capture</a><br> +<a href="#SOLDIER_AND_CIVILIAN">Soldier and civilian</a><br> +Soldiers, British<br> + <a href="#imitation_of_a_Hun">Cannot imitate Hun</a><br> + <a href="#ordeal">Ordeal on Western Front</a><br> + <a href="#Of_our_soldiers">Tribute to</a><br> +<a href="#SOLID">Solid</a>,<br> +<a href="#SOME_BIRD">Some bird</a><br> +Somme<br> + <a href="#battle_of_the_somme">Battle of the, commences</a><br> + <a href="#battle_of_the_somme">Guns heard in England</a><br> + <a href="#results_of_the_battle_of_the_Somme">Results of Battle of the</a><br> +<a href="#Song_of_Plenty">"Song of Plenty"</a><br> +South-West Africa<br> + <a href="#Another_Colony">German, gives in to Allies</a><br> + <a href="#poisoned_wells">Germans poison wells in</a><br> +<a href="#influenza">Spanish influenza</a><br> +<a href="#The_Speaker">Speaker of House of Commons re-elected</a><br> +<a href="#Admiral_von_Spee">Spee, Admiral von, goes down with his squadron</a><br> +<a href="#armies_of_spies">Spies, German</a><br> +<a href="#spurlos_versenkt"><i>Spurlos versenkt</i></a><br> +<a href="#Spy-hunting">Spy-hunting in East Anglia</a><br> +<a href="#Spy_Play">Spy play, emergence of</a><br> +<a href="#STORM_DRIVEN">Storm driven</a><br> +<a href="#A_STRAIN_ON_THE_AFFECTIONS">Strain on the affections</a><br> +<a href="#REUNITED">Strasbourg</a><br> +<a href="#Manifesto_of_patriotic_artists_and_professors">Strauss, Herr, does not sign German artists' manifesto</a><br> +<a href="#STUDY_OF_A_PRUSSIAN_HOUSEHOLD_HAVING_ITS_MORNING_HATE">Study of Prussian household having its Morning Hate</a><br> +<a href="#STURDEE">Sturdee, Admiral</a><br> +<a href="#new_submarine">Submarine frightfulness, the new, commences</a><br> +<a href="#British_submarines">Submarines, British, in the Baltic</a><br> +Submarines, German<br> + <a href="#German_submarines">Cornered</a><br> + <a href="#Grimsby">Grimsby's fight against</a><br> + <a href="#Keyes">Locked up</a><br> + <a href="#battleships">Torpedo British battleships</a><br> +<a href="#Suffragists">Suffragists' cause triumphs</a><br> +<a href="#standard_suits">Suits, standard</a><br> +<a href="#Lord_Sumner">Sumner, Lord, on Houses of Parliament</a><br> +<a href="#THE_SUNLIGHT-LOSER">Sunlight-loser, the</a><br> +<a href="#Anzac">Suvla Bay, British heroism at</a><br> +<a href="#Sweden">Sweden assists German Secret Service</a><br> +Sweepers of the sea, <a href="#the_Sweepers_of_the_Sea">i</a>, <a href="#SWEEPERS_OF_THE_SEA">ii</a><br> +<a href="#SWOOPING_FROM_THE_WEST">Swooping from the West</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#coming_of_the_Tanks">Tanks, coming of the</a><br> +<a href="#fallofLiège">Tannenberg, Russian repulse at</a><br> +<a href="#THE_SOWER_OF_TARES">Tares, the Sower of</a><br> +<a href="#T.B.D.">T.B.D.</a><br> +Territorials<br> + <a href="#Lord_Haldane">Doing great work in India</a><br> + <a href="#Terriers">Efficiency and keenness of</a><br> + <a href="#mobilised_Territorials">Mobilised</a><br> +<a href="#panegyric">Teutons, panegyric of, in <i>Die Welt</i></a><br> +<a href="#Combles">Thiepval taken by Allies</a><br> +<a href="#The_Threatened_Peace_Offensive">Threatened Peace Offensive</a>,<br> +<a href="#Thrift_campaign">Thrift campaign</a>,<br> +<a href="#Tirpitz">Tirpitz, Grand Admiral, dismissed</a>,<br> +<a href="#Count_Tisza">Tisza, Count, admits defeat</a>,<br> +<a href="#TO_ALL_AT_HOME">To all at home</a>,<br> +Tommy, British<br> + <a href="#Tommy_at_the_front">Needs no vocabulary</a>,<br> + <a href="#philosophy_of_Thomas">Philosophy of</a>,<br> +<a href="#TO_THE_GLORY_OF_FRANCE">To the Glory of France,</a><br> +Townshend, General<br> + <a href="#exemption_of_Ireland">Besieged in Kut</a>,<br> + <a href="#GeneralTownshends">Heroism of his force</a>,<br> +<a href="#tramcar">Tramcar humour</a>,<br> +<a href="#tramps_in_England">Tramps disappear from England</a>,<br> +<a href="#transitional">Transitional period</a>,<br> +<a href="#mine-sweepers">Trawlers, honour due to</a>,<br> +<a href="#Trenchard">Trenchard, General, retires from Air Staff</a>,<br> +<a href="#sportsmanship_of_the_trenches">Trenches, sportsmanship of</a>,<br> +<a href="#Trench_warfare">Trench warfare commences</a>,<br> +<a href="#TRIALS_OF_A_CAMOUFLAGE_OFFICER">Trials of a camouflage officer</a>,<br> +<a href="#Trotsky">Trotsky released from internment</a>,<br> +<a href="#Tsing-tau">Tsing-tau, Japanese take</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_TUBERS_REPARTEE">Tuber's repartee, the</a>,<br> +Turkey<br> + <a href="#for_funds">Appeals to Berlin for funds</a>,<br> + <a href="#Caucasus">Defeated in Caucasus</a>,<br> + <a href="#Suez_Canal">Defeated on Suez Canal</a>,<br> + <a href="#A_new_enemy">Enters war</a>,<br> + <a href="#reached_the_Danube">Granted armistice</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_TWO_GERMANIES">Two Germanies, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#TWO_HEADS_WITH_BUT_A_SINGLE_THOUGHT">"Two heads with but a single thought,"</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#U-boat_interned_at_Cadiz">U-boat interned at Cadiz</a>,<br> +U-boats<br> + <a href="#coast_of_the_U.S.A.">Appear off U.S.A.</a>,<br> + <a href="#diagram">Sir E. Geddes's diagram <i>re</i></a>,<br> +<a href="#Ulstermanspleaforconscription">Ulstermen and Conscription</a>,<br> +<a href="#AN_UNAUTHORISED_FLIRTATION">Unauthorised flirtation, an,</a><br> +<a href="#UNCONQUERABLE">Unconquerable</a>,<br> +<a href="#unemployment_dole">Unemployment dole</a>,<br> +United States<br> + <a href="#cipher_key">Accused of stealing cypher key</a>,<br> + <a href="#German_propaganda">German propaganda in</a>,<br> + <a href="#threats_to_Roumania">Issues warning Note on neutral trading</a>,<br> + <a href="#no_peace_with_the_Hohenzollerns">No peace with Hohenzollerns</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_UNSINKABLE_TIRP">Unsinkable Tirp., the</a>,<br> +<br> +<a href="#tribute_paid_to_the_V.A.D.">V.A.D., tributes to</a>,<br> +<a href="#Venizelos">Venizelos, M., resumes power</a>,<br> +Verdun<br> + <a href="#closing_in_on">Germans closing in on</a>,<br> + <a href="#of_Verdun">Struggle around, begins</a>,<br> + <a href="#long_agony_of_Verdun">Triumph of French at</a>,<br> +Versailles<br> + Conference, <a href="#Versailles_Conference">i</a>, <a href="#Versailles_Conference_opened">ii</a><br> + <a href="#foresight_of_the_Versailles">Council, foresight of</a>,<br> + <a href="#Signature_of_Peace">Peace signed at</a>,<br> +<a href="#VERY_MUCH_UP">Very much up</a>,<br> +<a href="#VICTORY">Victory!</a><br> +<a href="#kite-flying">Vienna, peace kite-flying at</a>,<br> +<a href="#English_village">Villager, English, and prospects of invasion</a>,<br> +<a href="#PĂ©ronne">Vimy Ridge, Canadians capture</a>,<br> +<a href="#Volunteers">Volunteers, training of</a>,<br> +<a href="#VON_POT_AND_VON_KETTLE">Von Pot and von Kettle</a>,<br> +<br> +Wales, South<br> + <a href="#South_Wales">Miners' strike</a>,<br> + <a href="#South_Wales">Provides recruits</a>,<br> +<a href="#WANTED--A_ST._PATRICK">Wanted--a St. Patrick,</a><br> +War<br> + Anniversaries of, <a href="#August1915">i</a>, <a href="#August1916">ii</a>, <a href="#August1917">iii</a>, <a href="#August1918">iv</a>,<br> + <a href="#Minister_of_Munitions">Cabinet, Mr. Henderson resigns from</a>,<br> + <a href="#curious_changes">Changes wrought by</a>,<br> + <a href="#War_Conference">Conference of the Empire called</a>,<br> + <a href="#daily_cost_of_the_War">Daily cost of</a>,<br> + Loans, <a href="#war_loan_of_230">i</a>, <a href="#Mr._McKenna">ii</a><br> + <a href="#THESHIRKERSWARNEWS">News, the shirkers'</a>,<br> + <a href="#WAR_PICTURES">Pictures</a>,<br> + <a href="#propaganda">Propaganda, need for a, at home</a>,<br> + <a href="#geography">Teaching geography</a>,<br> + <a href="#vocabulary">Vocabulary</a>,<br> +<a href="#John_Ward">Ward, Colonel, defends Compulsory Service Bill</a>,<br> +<a href="#Brest-Litovsk">Warsaw, Russians lose</a>,<br> +<a href="#Waterloo_campaign">Waterloo Campaign and Great War</a>,<br> +<a href="#THE_WAYSIDE_CALVARY">Wayside Calvary, the</a>,<br> +<a href="#khaki_weddings">Weddings, khaki</a>,<br> +<a href="#WELLDONETHENEWARMY">Well done, the New Army</a>,<br> +<a href="#Rosslyn_Wemyss">Wemyss, Sir Rosslyn, on R.N. and mercantile marine</a>,<br> +<a href="#strife_revived">Whigs and Tories, strife between, revived</a>,<br> +<a href="#Scarborough">Whitby bombarded</a>,<br> +<a href="#messages_to_his_wife">Wilhelm I.'s message to wife</a>,<br> +<a href="#Wilhelmshaven">Wilhelmshaven indefinitely closed</a>,<br> +<a href="#WilliamotheWisp">William o' the Wisp</a>,<br> +<a href="#took_his_seat">Wilson, General, appointed Chief of Imperial Staff</a>,<br> +Wilson, President<br> + <a href="#President_Wilson_lusitania">And the <i>Lusitania</i></a>,<br> + <a href="#Le_Grand_Penseur">Declines to be rushed</a>,<br> + <a href="#forbearance_of">Forbearance of</a>,<br> + <a href="#fourteen_points">His Fourteen Points</a>,<br> + <a href="#last_of_his_Notes">Last Note to Germany</a>,<br> + <a href="#a_new_phrase">Launches a new phrase</a>,<br> +<a href="#treatment_of_prisoners">Wittenberg, ill-treatment of prisoners at</a>,<br> +<a href="#untiring_mendacity_of_Bernstorff">Wolff, mendacity of</a>,<br> +<a href="#WOMAN_POWER">Woman Power</a><br> +Women<br> + <a href="#Belgium_women">Belgian, used as a screen</a><br> + <a href="#StJamessPark">Driving vans</a><br> + <a href="#girl_gardeners">Gardeners</a><br> + <a href="#licensed_as_taxi-drivers">Licensed as taxi-drivers</a><br> + <a href="#Suffragists">Obtain the Vote</a><br> + <a href="#incarnations_of_women">Opportunities taken by</a><br> + <a href="#proud_and_delighted"><i>Punch</i> delighted at their varied work</a><br> + <a href="#place_of_men">Undertake men's work</a>,<br> + <a href="#poetry">War and poetry</a>,<br> +<a href="#A_WORD_OF_ILL_OMEN">Word of ill-omen, a</a>,<br> +<a href="#Hunding">Wotan line</a>,<br> + <a href="#way_of_the_wotan">Breached</a>,<br> +<a href="#return_of_the_wounded">Wounded, return of, to England</a>,<br> +<br> +Ypres<br> + <a href="#repulsed_at_Ypres">Germans repulsed at</a>,<br> + <a href="#stemmed_the_rush">Germans stopped at</a>,<br> + <a href="#second_battle_of_Ypres">Second battle of</a>,<br> + <a href="#Third_Battle_of_Ypres">Third battle of, commences,</a><br> +<br> +<a href="#exploit_of_Zeebrugge">Zeebrugge, naval exploit at</a>,<br> +<a href="#sworn_to_destroy_London">Zeppelin, Count, swears to destroy London</a>,<br> +Zeppelins<br> + <a href="#gallant_French_allies">French bag several</a>,<br> + <a href="#downing_of_the_Zepp_at_Cuffley">One brought down at Cuffley</a>,<br> + <a href="#plague_of_the_Zeppelins">Plague of, stayed</a>,<br> + <a href="#recent_Zeppelin_raids">Raid encourages emulation</a>,<br> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11571 ***</div> +</body> +</html> + diff --git a/11571-h/images/003.png b/11571-h/images/003.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbf7dcb --- /dev/null +++ b/11571-h/images/003.png diff --git a/11571-h/images/007.png b/11571-h/images/007.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9f162a7 --- /dev/null +++ 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