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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11571 ***
+
+Mr. PUNCH'S
+
+HISTORY OF THE GREAT WAR
+
+1919
+
+
+First Impression July 1919
+Second    "      July 1919
+Third     "      August 1919
+Fourth    "      August 1919
+Fifth     "      September 1919
+Sixth     "      October 1919
+Seventh   "      October 1919
+
+
+
+[Illustration: PEACE--THE SOWER]
+
+
+TO THE READER
+
+
+  _For whatsoever worth or wit appears
+  In this mixed record of five hectic years,
+  This tale of heroes, heroines--and others--
+  Thank first "O. S." and then his band of brothers
+  Who took their cue, with pencil and with pen,
+  From the gay courage of our fighting men.
+  Theirs be the praise, not his, who here supplies
+  Merely the editorial hooks and eyes
+  And, rich by proxy, prodigally spends
+  The largess of his colleagues and his friends._
+
+_C. L. G_.
+
+
+PROLOGUE
+
+
+Though a lover of peace, Mr. Punch from his earliest days has not been
+unfamiliar with war. He was born during the Afghan campaign; in his youth
+England fought side by side with the French in the Crimea; he saw the old
+Queen bestow the first Victoria Crosses in 1857; he was moved and stirred
+by the horrors and heroisms of the Indian Mutiny. A little later on, when
+our relations with France were strained by the Imperialism of Louis
+Napoleon, he had witnessed the rise of the volunteer movement and made
+merry with the activities of the citizen soldier of Brook Green. Later on
+again he had watched, not without grave misgiving, the growth of the great
+Prussian war machine which crushed Denmark, overthrew Austria, and having
+isolated France, overwhelmed her heroic resistance by superior numbers and
+science, and stripped her of Alsace-Lorraine.
+
+In May, 1864, Mr. Punch presented the King of Prussia with the "Order of
+St. Gibbet" for his treatment of Denmark.
+
+In August of the same year he portrayed the brigands dividing the spoil and
+Prussia grabbing the lion's share, thus foreshadowing the inevitable
+conflict with Austria.
+
+In the war of 1870-1 he showed France on her knees but defying the new
+Caesar, and arraigned Bismarck before the altar of Justice for demanding
+exorbitant securities.
+
+And in 1873, when the German occupation was ended by the payment of the
+indemnity, in a flash of prophetic vision Mr. Punch pictured France,
+vanquished but unsubdued, bidding her conqueror "Au revoir."
+
+[Illustration: GAUL TO THE NEW CAESAR
+
+"Defiance, Emperor, while I have strength to hurl it!"
+
+_(Dec. 17, 1870)_]
+
+More than forty years followed, years of peace and prosperity for Great
+Britain, only broken by the South African war, the wounds of which were
+healed by a generous settlement. But all the time Germany was preparing for
+"The Day," steadily perfecting her war machine, enlarging her armies,
+creating a great fleet, and piling up colossal supplies of guns and
+munitions, while her professors and historians, harnessed to the car of
+militarism, inflamed the people against England as the jealous enemy of
+Germany's legitimate expansion. Abroad, like a great octopus, she was
+fastening the tentacles of permeation and penetration in every corner of
+the globe, honeycombing Russia and Belgium, France, England and America
+with secret agents, spying and intriguing and abusing our hospitality. For
+twenty-five years the Kaiser was our frequent and honoured, if somewhat
+embarrassing, guest, professing friendship for England and admiration of
+her ways, shooting at Sandringham, competing at Cowes, sending telegrams of
+congratulation to the University boat-race winners, ingratiating himself
+with all he met by his social gifts, his vivacious conversation, his
+prodigious versatility and energy.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE REWARD OF (DE)MERIT
+
+King Punch presenteth Prussia with the Order of "St. Gibbet."
+
+(_May 7_, 1864)]
+
+Mr. Punch was no enemy of Germany. He remembered--none better--the debt we
+owe to her learning and her art; to Bach and Beethoven, to Handel, the
+"dear Saxon" who adopted our citizenship; to Mendelssohn, who regarded
+England as his second home; to her fairy tales and folk-lore; to the
+Brothers Grimm and the _Struwwelpeter_; to the old kindly Germany
+which has been driven mad by War Lords and Pan-Germans. If Mr. Punch's
+awakening was gradual he at least recognised the dangerous elements in the
+Kaiser's character as far back as October, 1888, when he underlined
+Bismarck's warning against Caesarism. In March, 1890, appeared Tenniel's
+famous cartoon "Dropping the Pilot"; in May of the same year the Kaiser
+appears as the _Enfant Terrible_ of Europe, rocking the boat and
+alarming his fellow-rulers. In January, 1892, he is the Imperial
+Jack-in-the-Box with a finger in every pie; in March, 1892, the modern
+Alexander, who
+
+  Assumes the God,
+  Affects to nod,
+  And seems to shake the spheres;
+
+though unfortunately never nodding in the way that Homer did. (This
+cartoon, by the way, caused _Punch_ to be excluded for a while from
+the Imperial Palace.)
+
+In February, 1896, Mr. Punch drew the Kaiser as Fidgety Will. In January,
+1897, he was the Imperial actor-manager casting himself for a leading part
+in _Un Voyage en Chine_; in October of the same year he was "Cook's
+Crusader," sympathising with the Turk at the time of the Cretan ultimatum;
+and in April, 1903, the famous visit to Tangier suggested the Moor of
+Potsdam wooing Morocco to the strains of
+
+  "Unter den Linden"--always at Home,
+  "Under the Limelight," wherever I roam.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+"AU REVOIR!"
+
+GERMANY: "Farewell, Madam, and if--"
+
+FRANCE: "Ha! We shall meet again!"
+
+(_Sept. 27, 1873._)]
+
+In 1905 the Kaiser was "The Sower of Tares," the enemy of Europe.
+
+In 1910 he was Teutonising and Prussifying Turkey; in 1911 discovering to
+his discomfort that the Triple Entente was a solid fact.
+
+And in September, 1913, he was shown as unable to dissemble his
+disappointment at the defeat of the German-trained Turkish army by the
+Balkan League.
+
+[Illustration: THE STORY OF FIDGETY WILHELM
+
+(Up-to-date Version of "Struwwelpeter")
+
+  "Let me see if Wilhelm can
+  Be a little gentleman;
+  Let me sec if he is able
+  To sit still for once at table!"
+
+  "But Fidgety Will
+  He _won't_ sit still."
+
+  Just like any bucking horse.
+  "Wilhelm! We are getting cross!"
+
+_Feb._ 1, 1896.]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE SOWER OF TARES
+
+(_After Millais, Aug. 23, 1905_)]
+
+So, too, with Turkey. From 1876 to 1913 Mr. Punch's cartoons on the Near
+East are one continuous and illuminating commentary on Lord Salisbury's
+historic admission that we had "backed the wrong horse," culminating in the
+cartoon "Armageddon: a Diversion" in December, 1912, when Turkey says
+"Good! If only all these other Christian nations get at one another's
+throats I may have a dog's chance yet." Throughout the entire series the
+Sick Man remains cynical and impenitent, blowing endless bubble-promises of
+reform from his hookah, bullying and massacring his subject races whenever
+he had the chance, playing off the jealousies of the Powers, one against
+the other, to further his own sinister ends.
+
+[Illustration: SOLID
+
+GERMANY: "Donnerwetter! It's rock. I thought it was going to be paper."
+(_Aug. 2, 1911_)]
+
+Yet Mr. Punch does not wish to lay claim to any special prescience or
+wisdom, for, in spite of lucid intervals of foresight, we were all deceived
+by Germany. Nearly fifty years of peace had blinded us to fifty years of
+relentless preparation for war. But if we were deceived by the treachery of
+Germany's false professions, we had no monopoly of illusion. Germany made
+the huge mistake of believing that we would stand out--that we dared not
+support France in face of our troubles and divisions at home. She counted
+on the pacific influences in a Liberal Cabinet, on the looseness of the
+ties which bound us to our Dominions, on the "contemptible" numbers of our
+Expeditionary Force, on the surrender of Belgium. She had willed the War;
+the tragedy of Sarajevo gave her the excuse. There is no longer any need to
+fix the responsibility. The roots of the world conflict which seemed
+obscure to a neutral statesman have long been laid bare by the avowals of
+the chief criminal. The story is told in the Memoir of Prince Lichnowsky,
+in the revelations of Dr. Muehlon of Krupp's, in the official
+correspondence that has come to light since the Revolution of Berlin.
+Germany stands before the bar of civilisation as the _reus confitens_
+in the cause of light against darkness, freedom against world enslavement.
+
+So the War began, and if "when war begins then hell opens," the saying
+gained a tenfold truth in the greatest War of all, when the aggressor at
+once began to wage it on non-combatants, on the helpless and innocent, on
+women and children, with a cold and deliberate ferocity unparalleled in
+history. Let it now be frankly owned that in the shock of this discovery
+Mr. Punch thought seriously of putting up his shutters. How could he carry
+on in a shattered and mourning world? The chronicle that follows shows how
+it became possible, thanks to the temper of all our people in all parts of
+the Empire, above all to the unwavering confidence of our sailors and
+soldiers, to that "wonderful spirit of light-heartedness, that perpetual
+sense of the ridiculous" which, in the words of one of Mr. Punch's many
+contributors from the front, "even under the most appalling conditions
+never seemed to desert them, and which indeed seemed to flourish more
+freely in the mud and rain of the front line trenches than in the
+comparative comfort of billets or 'cushy jobs.'" Tommy gave Mr. Punch his
+cue, and his high example was not thrown away on those at home, where, when
+all allowance is made for shirkers and slackers and scaremongers, callous
+pleasure-seekers, faint-hearted pacificists, rebels and traitors, the great
+majority so bore themselves as to convince Mr. Punch that it was not only a
+privilege but a duty to minister to mirth even at times when one hastened
+to laugh for fear of being obliged to weep. In this resolve he was
+fortified and encouraged, week after week, by the generous recognition of
+his efforts which came from all parts of our far-flung line.
+
+This is no formal History of the War in the strict or scientific sense of
+the phrase; no detailed record of naval and military operations. There have
+been many occasions on which silence or reticence seemed the only way to
+maintain the national composure. It is _Mr. Punch's_ History of the
+Great War, a mirror of varying moods, month by month, but reflecting in the
+main how England remained steadfastly true to her best traditions; how all
+sorts and conditions of men and women comported themselves throughout the
+greatest ordeal that had ever befallen their race.
+
+
+
+
+Mr. PUNCH'S HISTORY of the GREAT WAR
+
+
+
+_August, 1914._
+
+
+Four weeks ago we stood on the verge of the great upheaval and knew it not.
+We were thinking of holidays; of cricket and golf and bathing, and then
+were suddenly plunged in the deep waters of the greatest of all Wars. It
+has been a month of rude awakening, of revelation, of discovery--of many
+moods varying from confidence to deep misgiving, yet dominated by a sense
+of relief that England has chosen the right course. Sir Edward Grey's
+statement that we meant to stand by France and fulfil our obligations to
+Belgium rallied all parties. "Thrice armed is he that hath his quarrel
+just." The Fleet "stands fast" and the vigil of the North Sea has begun.
+Lord Kitchener has gone to the War Office, and in twelve days from the
+declaration of War our Expeditionary Force, the best trained and equipped
+army that England has ever put into the field, landed in France. The
+Dominions and India are staunch. Every able-bodied public school boy and
+under-graduate of military age has joined the colours. The Admiralty is
+crowded with living counterparts of Captain Kettle, offering their services
+in any capacity, linking up the Merchant Marine with the Royal Navy in one
+great solidarity of the sea.
+
+The Empire is sound and united. So far the omens are good. But as the days
+pass the colossal task of the Allies becomes increasingly apparent.
+Peace-loving nations are confronted by a Power which has prepared for war
+for forty years, equipped in every detail as no Power has ever been
+equipped before, with a docile and well-disciplined people trained to arms,
+fortified by a well-founded belief in their invincibility, reinforced by
+armies of spies in every country, hostile or neutral. We are up against the
+mightiest War-machine of all time, wonderful in organisation, joining the
+savagery of the barbarian to the deadliest resources of modern science. The
+revelation of the black soul of Germany is the greatest and the most
+hideous surprise of this month of months, crowning long years of treachery
+and the abuse of hospitality with an orgy of butchery and devastation--the
+torture and massacre of old men, women and children, the shooting of
+hostages, the sack and burning of towns and the destruction of ancient
+seats of learning. Yet we feel that in trampling upon heroic Belgium, who
+dared to bar the gate, Germany has outraged the conscience of the world and
+sealed her ultimate doom.
+
+The month closes in gloom, the fall of Liége, Namur and Brussels, the sack
+of Louvain, and the repulse of the Russian raid into East Prussia at
+Tannenberg following in rapid succession. Against these disasters we have
+to set the brilliant engagement in the Heligoland Bight. But the onrush of
+the Germans on the Western front is not stayed, though their time-table has
+been thrown out by the self-sacrifice of the Belgians, the steadfast
+courage of French's "contemptible little army" in the retreat from Mons,
+and the bold decision of Smith-Dorrien, who saved the situation at Le
+Cateau. In these days of apprehension and misgiving, clouded by alarming
+rumours of a broken and annihilated army, it sometimes seems as though we
+should never smile again. Where, in a world of blood and tears, can
+_Punch_ exercise his function without outraging the fitness of things?
+These doubts have been with us from the beginning, but they are already
+being resolved by the discovery--another of the wonders of the time--that
+on the very fringes of tragedy there is room for cheerfulness. When our
+fighting men refuse to be downhearted in the direst peril, we at home
+should follow their high example, note where we can the humours of the
+fray, and "bear in silence though our hearts may bleed."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+BRAVO, BELGIUM!]
+
+[Illustration: MEDICAL OFFICER: "Sorry I must reject you on account of your
+teeth."
+
+WOULD-BE-RECRUIT: "Man, ye're making a gran' mistake. I'm no wanting to
+bite the Germans, I'm wanting to shoot 'em."]
+
+Germany in one brief month has given us a wonderful exhibition of
+conscienceless strength, of disciplined ferocity. She has shown an equally
+amazing failure to read the character of her foes aright. We now know what
+German Kultur means: but of the soul and spirit of England she knows
+nothing. Least of all does she understand that formidable and incorrigible
+levity which refuses to take hard knocks seriously. It will be our
+privilege to assist in educating our enemies on these and other points,
+even though, as Lord Kitchener thinks, it takes three years to do it. The
+Mad Dog of Europe is loose, but we remember the fate of the dog who "to
+serve some private ends went mad and bit the man." "The man recovered from
+his bite, the dog it was that died." Meanwhile the Official Press Bureau
+has begun its operations, the Prince of Wales's Relief Fund for the relief
+of those who may suffer distress through the war is started, and in the
+City
+
+  Because beneath grey Northern Skies
+    Some grey hulls heave and fall,
+  The merchants sell their merchandise
+    All just as usual.
+
+
+
+_September, 1914._
+
+
+Another month of revelations and reticences, of carnage and destruction,
+loss and gain, with the miracle of the Marne as the first great sign of the
+turning of the tide. On September 3 the Paris Government moved to Bordeaux,
+on the 5th the retreat from Mons ended, on the 13th Joffre, always
+unboastful and laconic, announced the rolling back of the invaders, on the
+15th the battle of the Aisne had begun. What an Iliad of agony, endurance
+and heroism lies behind these dates--the ordeal and deliverance of Paris,
+the steadfastness of the "Contemptibles," the martyrdom of Belgium!
+
+Day by day Germany unmasks herself more clearly in her true colours from
+highest to lowest. The Kaiser reveals himself as a blasphemer and
+hypocrite, the Imperial crocodile with the bleeding heart, the Crown Prince
+as a common brigand, the High Command as chief instigators to ferocity, the
+rank and file as docile instruments of butchery and torture, content to use
+Belgium women as a screen when going into action.
+
+  THE TWO GERMANIES
+
+  Marvellous the utter transformation
+  Of the spirit of the German nation!
+
+  Once the land of poets, seers and sages,
+  Who enchant us in their deathless pages,
+
+  Holding high the torch of Truth, and earning
+  Endless honour by their zeal for learning.
+
+  Such the land that in an age uncouther
+  Bred the soul-emancipating LUTHER.
+
+  Such the land that made our debt the greater
+  By the gift of _Faust_ and _Struwwelpeter_.
+
+  Now the creed of Nietzsche, base, unholy,
+  Guides the nation's brain and guides it solely.
+
+  Now Mozart's serene and joyous magic
+  Yields to RICHARD STRAUSS, the haemorrhagic.[A]
+
+  Now the eagle changing to the vulture
+  Preaches rapine in the name of culture.
+
+  Now the Prussian _Junker_, blind with fury,
+  Claims to be God's counsel, judge and jury,
+
+  While the authentic German genius slumbers,
+  Cast into the limbo of back numbers.
+
+[Footnote A: Great play is made in Strauss's _Elektra_ with the
+"slippery blood" motive.]
+
+The campaign of lies goes on with immense energy in all neutral countries,
+for the Kaiser is evidently of opinion that the pen is perhaps mightier
+than the sword.
+
+At home the great improvisation of the New Armies, undertaken by Lord
+Kitchener in the teeth of much expert criticism, goes steadily on. Lord
+Kitchener asked for 500,000 men, and he has got them. On September 10 the
+House voted another half million. The open spaces in Hyde Park are given
+over to training; women are beginning to take the place of men. Already the
+spirit of the new soldiers is growing akin to that of the regulars. One of
+Mr. Punch's brigade, who has begun to send his impressions of the mobilised
+Territorials, sums it up very well when he says that, amateurs or
+professionals, they are all very much alike. "Feed them like princes and
+pamper them like babies, and they'll complain all the time. But stand them
+up to be shot at and they'll take it as a joke, and rather a good joke,
+too." Lord Roberts maintains a dignified reticence, but that is "Bobs'
+way":
+
+  He knew, none better, how 'twould be,
+    And spoke his warning far and wide:
+  He worked to save us ceaselessly,
+    Setting his well-earned ease aside.
+
+  We smiled and shrugged and went our way,
+    Blind to the swift approaching blow:
+  His every word proves true to-day,
+    But no man hears, "I told you so!"
+
+Meanwhile General Botha, Boer and Briton too, is on the war-path, and we
+can, without an undue stretch of imagination, picture him composing a
+telegram to the Kaiser in these terms: "Just off to repel another raid.
+Your customary wire of congratulations should be addressed, 'British
+Headquarters, German South-West Africa.'"
+
+[Illustration: GOD (AND THE WOMEN) OUR SHIELD
+
+Study of a German Gentleman going into Action]
+
+The rigours of the Censorship are pressing hard on war correspondents.
+Official news of importance trickles in in driblets: for the rest,
+newspaper men, miles from the front, are driven to eke out their dispatches
+with negligible trivialities. We know that Rheims Cathedral is suffering
+wanton bombardment. And a great many of us believe that at least a quarter
+of a million Russians have passed through England on their way to France.
+The number of people who have seen them is large: that of those who have
+seen people who have seen them is enormous.
+
+[Illustration: PORTER: "Do I know if the Rooshuns has really come to
+England? Well, sir, if this don't prove it, I don't know what do. A train
+went through here full, and when it came back I knowed there'd been
+Rooshuns in it, 'cause the cushions and floors was covered with snow."]
+
+We gather that the Press Bureau has no notion whether the rumour is true or
+not, and cannot think of any way of finding out. But it consents to its
+publication in the hope that it will frighten the Kaiser. Apropos of the
+Russians we learn that they have won a pronounced victory (though not by
+us) at Przemysl.
+
+Motto for the month: _Grattez le Prusse et vous trouverez le barbare_.
+
+[Illustration: UNCONQUERABLE
+
+THE KAISER: "So, you see--you've lost everything."
+
+THE KING OF THE BELGIANS: "Not my soul."]
+
+
+
+_October, 1914._
+
+
+Antwerp has fallen and the Belgian Government removed to Havre. But the
+spirit of the King and his army is unshaken.
+
+Unshaken, too, is the courage of Burgomaster Max of Brussels, "who faced
+the German bullies with the stiffest of stiff backs." The Kaiser has been
+foiled in his hope of witnessing the fall of Nancy, the drive for the
+Channel ports has begun at Ypres, and German submarines have retorted to
+Mr. Churchill's threat to "dig out" the German Fleet "like rats" by
+torpedoing three battleships. Trench warfare is in full and deadly swing,
+but "Thomas of the light heart" refuses to be downhearted:
+
+  He takes to fighting as a game,
+  He does no talking through his hat
+  Of holy missions: all the same
+  He has his faith--be sure of that:
+  He'll not disgrace his sporting breed
+  Nor play what isn't cricket. There's his creed.
+
+Last month Lord Kitchener paid a high tribute to the growing efficiency of
+the "Terriers" and their readiness to go anywhere. _Punch's_
+representative with the "Watch Dogs" fully bears out this praise. They have
+been inoculated and are ready to move on. Some suggest India, others Egypt.
+"But what tempted the majority was the thought of a season's shooting
+without having to pay for so much as a gun licence, and so we decided for
+the Continent."
+
+News from the front continues scanty, and Joffre's laconic
+_communiqués_ might in sum be versified as follows:
+
+  On our left wing the state of things remains
+  Unaltered on a general review,
+  Our losses in the centre match our gains,
+  And on our right wing there is nothing new.
+
+Nor do we gain much enlightenment from the "Eyewitness" with G.H.Q., though
+his literary skill in elegantly describing the things that do not matter
+moves our admiration.
+
+[Illustration: THE BULL-DOG BREED
+
+OFFICER: "Now, my lad, do you know what you are placed here for?"
+
+RECRUIT: "To prevent the henemy from landin', sir."
+
+OFFICER: "And do you think you could prevent him landing all by yourself?"
+
+RECRUIT: "Don't know, sir, I'm sure. But I'd have a damn good try!"]
+
+The Kaiser's sons continue to distinguish themselves as first-class
+looters, and the ban laid on the English language, including very properly
+the word "gentleman," has been lifted in favour of Wilhelm Shakespeare.
+
+The prophets are no longer so optimistic in predicting when the War will
+end. One of Mr. Punch's young men suggests Christmas, 1918. But 500 German
+prisoners have arrived at Templemore, co. Tipperary. It's a long, long way,
+but they've got there at last.
+
+
+
+_November, 1914_.
+
+
+The miracle of the Marne has been followed by another miracle--that of
+Ypres. Outgunned and outnumbered, our thin line has stemmed the rush to the
+sea.
+
+The road to Calais has been blocked like that to Paris. Heartening news
+comes from afar of the fall of Tsing-tau before our redoubtable Japanese
+allies, and with it the crumbling of Germany's scheme of an Oriental
+Empire; of the British occupation of Basra; and of the sinking of the
+_Emden_, thanks to the "good hunting" of the _Sydney_--the first
+fruits of Australian aid. A new enemy has appeared in Turkey, but her
+defection has its consolations. It is something to be rid of an
+"unspeakable" incubus full of promises of reform never fulfilled, "sick"
+but unrepentant, always turning European discord to bloody account at the
+expense of her subject nationalities: in all respects a fitting partner for
+her ally and master.
+
+At sea our pain at the loss of the _Good Hope_ and _Monmouth_ off
+Coronel is less than our pride in the spirit of the heroic Cradock, true
+descendant of Grenville and Nelson, prompt to give battle against
+overwhelming odds. The soul of the "Navy Eternal" draws fresh strength from
+his example. So, too, does the Army from the death of Lord Roberts, the
+"happy warrior," who passed away while visiting the Western front. The best
+homage we can pay him is not grief or
+
+    Vain regret for counsel given in vain,
+  But service of our lives to keep her free
+    The land he served: a pledge above his grave
+  To give her even such a gift as he,
+    The soul of loyalty, gave.
+
+Even the Germans have paid reluctant tribute to one who, as Bonar Law said
+in the House, "was in real life all, and more than all, that Colonel
+Newcome was in fiction." He was the exemplar _in excelsis_ of those
+"bantams," "little and good," who, after being rejected for their
+diminutive stature, are now joining up under the new regulations:
+
+  Apparently he's just as small,
+    But since his size no more impedes him
+  In spirit he is six foot tall--
+    Because his country needs him.
+
+[Illustration: THE EXCURSIONIST
+
+TRIPPER WILHELM: "First Class to Paris."
+
+CLERK: "Line blocked."
+
+WILHELM: "Then make it Warsaw."
+
+CLERK: "Line blocked."
+
+WILHELM: "Well, what about Calais?"
+
+CLERK: "Line blocked."
+
+WILHELM: "Hang it! I _must_ go _somewhere_! I promised my people
+I would."]
+
+We have begun to think in millions. The war is costing a million a day. The
+Chancellor of the Exchequer has launched a war loan of 230 millions and
+doubled our income tax. The Prime Minister asks for an addition of a
+million men to the Regular Army. But the country has not yet fully awakened
+to the realities of war. Football clubs are concerned with the "jostling of
+the ordinary patrons" by men in uniform. "Business as usual" is interpreted
+as "pleasure as usual" in some quarters. Rumour is busy with stories of
+mysterious prisoners in the Tower, with tales of huge guns which are to
+shell us from Calais when the Germans get there; with reports (from neutral
+sources) of the speedy advent of scores of Zeppelins and hundreds of
+aeroplanes over London. But though
+
+  Old England's dark o' nights and short
+    Of 'buses: still she's much the sort
+  Of place we always used to know.
+
+[Illustration: T.B.D.
+
+OFFICER'S STEWARD: "Will you take your bath, sir, before or after
+haction?"]
+
+It is otherwise with Belgium, with its shattered homes and wrecked towns.
+The great Russian legend is still going strong, in spite of the statements
+of the Under-Secretary for War, and, after all, why should the Germans do
+all the story telling? By the way, a "German Truth Society" has been
+founded. It is pleasant to know that it is realised over there at last that
+there is a difference between Truth and German Truth. The British Navy, we
+learn from the _Kölnische Zeitung_, "is in hiding." But our fragrant
+contemporary need not worry. In due course the Germans shall have the
+hiding.
+
+In some ways the unchanged spirit of our people is rather disconcerting.
+One of Mr. Punch's young men, happening to meet a music-hall acquaintance,
+asked him how he thought the war was going, and met with the answer: "Oh, I
+think the managers will have to give in." And the proposal to change the
+name of Berlin Road at Lewisham has been rejected by the residents.
+
+
+
+_December, 1914_.
+
+
+In less than six weeks Coronel has been avenged at the battle of the
+Falkland Islands:
+
+  Hardened steel are our ships;
+    Gallant tars are our men;
+  We never are wordy
+    (STURDEE, boys, STURDEE!),
+  But quietly conquer again and again.
+
+Here at least we can salute the vanquished. Admiral von Spee, who went down
+with his doomed squadron, was a gallant and chivalrous antagonist, like
+Captain Müller, of the _Emden_. Germany's retort, eight days later, by
+bombarding Scarborough and Whitby, reveals the normal Hun:
+  Come where you will--the seas are wide;
+    And choose your Day--they're all alike;
+  You'll find us ready when we ride
+    In calm or storm and wait to strike;
+  But--if of shame your shameless Huns
+    Can yet retrieve some casual traces--
+  Please fight our men and ships and guns,
+    Not womenfolk and watering places.
+
+Austria's "punitive expedition" has ended in disaster for the Austrians.
+They entered Belgrade on the 2nd, and were driven out twelve days later by
+the Serbs. King George has paid his first visit to the front, and made
+General Foch a G.C.B. We know that the General is a great authority on
+strategy, and that his name, correctly pronounced, rhymes with Boche, as
+hero with Nero. He is evidently a man likely to be heard of again. Another
+hitherto unfamiliar name that has cropped up is that of Herr Lissauer, who,
+for writing a "Hymn of Hate" against England, has been decorated by the
+Kaiser. This shows true magnanimity on the part of the Kaiser, in his
+capacity of King of Prussia, since the "Hymn of Hate" turns out to be a
+close adaptation of a poem composed by a Saxon patriot, in which Prussia,
+not England, was held up to execration.
+
+Kitchener's great improvisation is already bearing fruit, and the New
+Armies are flocking to the support of the old. Indian troops are fighting
+gallantly in three continents. King Albert "the unconquerable," in the
+narrow strip of his country that still belongs to him, waits in unshaken
+faith for the coming of the dawn. And as Christmas draws on the thoughts of
+officers and men in the waterlogged trenches turn fondly homeward to
+mothers, wives and sweethearts:
+
+  Cheer up! I'm calling far away;
+    And wireless you can hear.
+  Cheer up! You know you'd have me stay
+  And keep on trying day by day;
+    We're winning, never fear.
+
+Christmas at least brings the children's truce, and that is something to be
+thankful for, but it is not the Christmas that we knew and long for:
+
+ON EARTH--PEACE
+
+  No stir of wings sweeps softly by;
+    No angel comes with blinding light;
+  Beneath the wild and wintry sky
+    No shepherds watch their flocks to-night.
+
+  In the dull thunder of the wind
+    We hear the cruel guns afar,
+  But in the glowering heavens we find
+    No guiding, solitary star.
+
+  But lo! on this our Lord's birthday,
+    Lit by the glory whence she came,
+  Peace, like a warrior, stands at bay,
+    A swift, defiant, living flame!
+
+  Full-armed she stands in shining mail,
+    Erect, serene, unfaltering still,
+  Shod with a strength that cannot fail,
+    Strong with a fierce o'ermastering will.
+
+  Where shattered homes and ruins be
+    She fights through dark and desperate days;
+  Beside the watchers on the sea
+    She guards the Channel's narrow ways.
+
+  Through iron hail and shattering shell,
+    Where the dull earth is stained with red,
+  Fearless she fronts the gates of Hell
+    And shields the unforgotten dead.
+
+  So stands she, with her all at stake,
+    And battles for her own dear life,
+  That by one victory she may make
+    For evermore an end of strife.
+
+[Illustration: THE CHILDREN'S PEACE
+
+PEACE: "I'm glad that they, at least, have their Christmas unspoiled."]
+
+Yet we have our minor war gains in the temporary disappearance of cranks
+and faddists, some of whom have sunk without a ripple. And though the Press
+Censor's suppressions and delays and inconsistencies provoke discontent in
+the House and out of it, food for mirth turns up constantly in unexpected
+quarters. The Crown Prince tells an American interviewer that there is no
+War Party in Germany, nor has there ever been. The German General Staff
+have begun to disguise set-backs under the convenient euphemism that the
+situation has developed "according to expectation." An English village
+worthy, discussing the prospects of invasion, comes to the reassuring
+conclusion that "there can't be no battle in these parts, Jarge, for there
+bain't no field suitable, as you may say; an' Squire, 'e won't lend 'em the
+use of 'is park." The troubles of neutrality are neatly summed up in a
+paper in a recent geography examination. "Holland is a low country, in fact
+it is such a very low country that it is no wonder that it is dammed all
+round."
+
+The trials of mistresses on the home front are happily described in the
+reply of a child to a small visitor who inquired after her mother. "Thank
+you, poor mummie's a bit below herself this morning--what with the cook and
+the Kaiser."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+POMPOUS LADY: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge."
+
+TOMMY (aside): "Takes 'erself for a bloomin' Zeppelin!"]
+
+We have to thank an ingenious correspondent for drawing up the following
+"credibility index" for the guidance of perplexed newspaper readers:
+
+  London, Paris, or Petrograd (official)                100
+    "       "          "      (semi-official)            50
+  Berlin (official)                                      25
+  It is believed in military circles here that--         24
+  A correspondent that has just returned from the
+    firing-line tells me that--                          18
+  Our correspondent at Rome announces that--             11
+  Berlin (unofficial)                                    10
+  I learn from a neutral merchant that--                  7
+  A story is current in Venice to the effect that--       5
+  It is rumoured that--                                   4
+  I have heard to-day from a reliable source that--       3
+  I learn on unassailable authority that--                2
+  It is rumoured in Rotterdam that--                      1
+  Wolff's Bureau states that--                            0
+
+
+
+_January, 1915_.
+
+
+General von Kluck "never got round on the right." Calais is Calais still,
+and the Kaiser, if he still wishes to give it a new name, may call it the
+"Never, Never Land." "General Janvier" is doing his worst, but our men are
+sticking it out through slush and slime. As for the Christmas truce and
+fraternisation, the British officer who ended a situation that was proving
+impossible by presenting a dingy Saxon with a copy of _Punch_ in
+exchange for a packet of cigarettes, acted with a wise candour:
+
+  For there he found, our dingy friend,
+    Amid the trench's sobering slosh,
+  What must have left him, by the end,
+    A wiser, if a sadder, Boche,
+  Seeing himself, with chastened mien,
+  In that pellucid well of Truth serene.
+
+There can be no "fraternising" with Fritz until he realises that he has
+been fooled by his War Lords; and his awakening is a long way off. Lord
+Kitchener has been charged with being "very economical in his information"
+vouchsafed to the Lords, but it is well to be rid of illusions. This has
+not been a month of great events. General Joffre is content with this
+ceaseless "nibbling." The Kaiser, nourished by the flattery of his tame
+professors, encourages the war on non-combatants.
+
+The Turks are beginning to show a gift for euphemism in disguising their
+reverses in the Caucasus, which shows that they have nothing to learn from
+their masters; Austria, badly mauled by the Serbians, addresses awful
+threats to Roumania; and the United States has issued a warning Note on
+neutral trading. But the American Eagle is not the Eagle that we are up
+against.
+
+[Illustration: THE FLIGHT THAT FAILED
+
+THE EMPEROR: "What! No babes, Sirrah?"
+
+THE MURDERER: "Alas, Sire, none."
+
+THE EMPEROR: "Well, then, no babes, no iron crosses."
+
+(_Exit murderer, discouraged_.)]
+
+
+The number of Mr. Punch's correspondents on active service steadily grows.
+Some of them are at the Western front; others are still straining at the
+leash at home; another of the _Punch_ brigade, with the very first
+battalion of Territorials to land in India, has begun to send his
+impressions of the shiny land; of friendly natives and unfriendly ants; of
+the disappointment of being relegated to clerical duties instead of going
+to the front; of the evaporation of visions of military glory in the
+routine of typing, telephoning and telegraphing; of leisurely Oriental
+methods. Being a soldier clerk in India is very different from being a
+civilian clerk in England. Patience, good Territorials in India, your time
+will come.
+
+[Illustration: THE SHIRKERS' WAR NEWS
+
+"There! What did I tell you? Northdown Lambs beaten--two to nothing."]
+
+At home, though the "knut" has been commandeered and nobly transmogrified,
+though women are increasingly occupied in war work and entering with
+devotion and self-sacrifice on their new duties as substitutes for men, we
+have not yet been wholly purged of levity and selfishness. Football news
+has not receded into its true perspective; shirkers are more pre-occupied
+with the defeat or victory of "Lambs" or "Wolves" in Lancashire than with
+the stubborn defence, the infinite discomfort and the heavy losses of their
+brothers in Flanders.
+
+Overdressed fashionables pester wounded officers and men with their
+unreasonable visits and futile queries. The enemies in our midst are not
+all aliens; there are not a few natives we should like to see interned.
+
+The Kaiser has had his first War birthday and, as the Prussian Government
+has ordered that there shall be no public celebrations, this confirms the
+rumours that he now wishes he had never been born.
+
+Germany, says the _Cologne Gazette_ in an article on the food
+question, "has still at hand a very large supply of pigs"--even after the
+enormous number she has exported to Belgium. Germany, however, does not
+only export pigs; her trade in "canards" with neutrals grows and grows,
+chiefly with the United States, thanks to the untiring mendacity of
+Bernstorff and Wolff. Compared with these efforts, the revelations of
+English governesses at German courts, which are now finding their way into
+print, make but a poor show.
+
+As the British armies increase, the moustache of the British officer, one
+of the most astonishing products of these astonishing times, grows "small
+by degrees and beautifully less." Waxed ends, fashionable in a previous
+generation, are now only worn by policemen, taxi-drivers and labour
+leaders. The Kaiser remains faithful to the Mephistophelean form. But in
+proof of his desire to make the best of both worlds, nether and celestial,
+he continues to commandeer "Gott" on every occasion as his second in
+command. Out-Heroding Herod as a murderer of innocents, he enters into a
+competition of piety with his grandfather. For we should not forget that
+the first German Emperor's messages to his wife in the Franco-Prussian War
+were once summed up by Mr. Punch:
+
+  Ten thousand French have gone below;
+  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.
+
+
+
+_February, 1915_.
+
+
+January ended with a knock for the Germans off the Dogger Bank, when the
+_Blücher_ was sunk by our Battle-Cruiser Squadron:
+
+  They say the _Lion_ and the _Tiger_ sweep
+  Where once the Huns shelled babies from the deep,
+  And _Blücher_, that great cruiser--12-inch guns
+  Roar o'er his head, but cannot break his sleep.
+
+And now it is the turn of "Johnny Turk," who has had _his_ knock on
+the Suez Canal, and failed to solve the _Riddle of the Sands_ under
+German guidance. Having safely locked up his High Seas Fleet in the Kiel
+Canal, the Kaiser has ordered the U-boat blockade of England to begin by
+the torpedoing of neutral as well as enemy merchant ships.
+
+You may know a man by the company he keeps, and the Kaiser's friends are
+now the Jolly Roger and Sir Roger Casement.
+
+Valentine's Day has come and gone. Here are some lines from a damp but
+undefeated lover in the trenches:
+
+  Though the glittering knight whose charger
+    Bore him on his lady's quest
+  With an infinitely larger
+    Share of warfare's pomp was blest,
+  Yet he offered love no higher,
+    No more difficult to quench,
+  Than the filthy occupier
+    Of this unromantic trench.
+
+[Illustration: RUNNING AMOK
+
+GERMAN BULL: "I know I'm making a rotten exhibition of myself; but I shall
+tell everybody I was goaded into it."]
+
+The fusion of classes in the camps of the New Armies outdoes the mixture of
+"cook's son and duke's son" fifteen years ago. The old Universities are now
+given up to a handful of coloured students, Rhodes' scholars and reluctant
+crocks. As a set-off, however, a Swansea clergyman and football enthusiast
+has held a "thanksgiving service for their good fortune against Newcastle
+United." Meanwhile, the Under-Secretary for War has stated that the army
+costs more in a week than the total estimates for the Waterloo campaign,
+and that our casualties on the Western front alone have amounted to over
+100,000. So what with submarine losses, ubiquitous German spies, the German
+propaganda in America, and complaints of Government inactivity, the
+pessimists are having a fine time. Tommy grouses of course, but then he
+complains far more of the loss of a packet of cigarettes or a tin of
+peppermints or a mouth-organ than of the loss of a limb.
+
+Germany's attitude towards the United States tempers the blandishments of
+the serenader with the occasional discharge of half-bricks. There is no
+such inconsistency in the expression of her feelings about England.
+Articles entitled "_Unser Hass gegen England_" constantly appear in
+the German Press, and people are beginning to wonder whether the
+_Hass_ is not the Kaiser. Apropos of newspapers, we are beginning to
+harbour a certain envy of the Americans. Even their provincial organs often
+contain important and cheering news of the doings of the British Army many
+days before the Censor releases the information in England. Daylight saving
+is again being talked of, and it would surely be an enormous boon to rush
+the measure through now so that the Germans may have less darkness of which
+to take advantage. And there is a general and reasonable feeling that more
+use should be made of bands for recruiting. The ways of German musicians
+are perplexing. Here is the amiable Herr Humperdinck, composer of "Hänsel
+and Gretel," the very embodiment of the old German kindliness, signing the
+Manifesto of patriotic artists and professors who execrate England, while
+Strauss, the truculent "Mad Mullah" of the Art, holds aloof. Dr. Hans
+Richter, who enjoyed English hospitality so long, now clamours for our
+extinction; it is even said that he has asked to be allowed to conduct a
+_Parsifal_ airship to this country.
+
+[Illustration: STUDY OF A PRUSSIAN HOUSEHOLD HAVING ITS MORNING HATE]
+
+
+
+_March, 1915._
+
+
+A new and possibly momentous chapter has opened in the history of the War
+by the attempt to force the Dardanelles. At the end of February the Allied
+Fleet bombarded the forts at the entrance, and landed a party of
+bluejackets. Since then these naval operations have been resumed, and our
+new crack battleship _Queen Elizabeth_ has joined in the attack. We
+have not got through the Narrows, and some sceptical critics are asking
+what we should do if we got through to Constantinople, without a land
+force. It is a great scheme, if it comes off; and the "only begetter" of
+it, if report is true, is Mr. Winston Churchill, the strategist of the
+Antwerp expedition, who now aspires to be the Dardanelson of our age.
+Anyhow, the Sultan, lured on by the Imperial William o' the Wisp, is
+already capable of envying even his predecessor:
+
+  Abdul! I would that I had shared your plight,
+    Or Europe seen my heels,
+  Before the hour when Allah bound me tight
+    To WILLIAM'S chariot-wheels!
+
+Germany, always generous with other people's property, has begun to hint to
+Italy possibilities of compensation in the shape of certain portions of
+Austro-Hungarian territory. She has also declared that she is "fighting for
+the independence of the small nations," including, of course, Belgium. In
+further evidence of her humanity she has taken to spraying our soldiers in
+the West with flaming petrol and squirting boiling pitch over our Russian
+allies. It is positively a desecration of the word devil to apply it to the
+Germans whether on land, on or under water, or in the air.
+
+We have begun to "push" on the Western front, and Neuve Chapelle has been
+captured, after a fierce battle and at terrible cost. Air raids are
+becoming common in East Anglia and U-boats unpleasantly active in the North
+Sea. Let us take off our hats to the mine-sweepers and trawlers, the new
+and splendid auxiliaries of the Royal Navy. Grimsby is indeed a "name to
+resound for ages" for what its fishermen have done and are doing in the war
+against mine and submarine:
+
+  Soles in the Silver Pit--an' there we'll let 'em lie;
+  Cod on the Dogger--oh, we'll fetch 'em by an' by;
+  War on the water--an' it's time to serve an' die,
+    For there's wild work doin' on the North Sea ground.
+  An' it's "Wake up, Johnnie!" they want you at the trawlin'
+  (With your long sea-boots and your tarry old tarpaulin);
+  All across the bitter seas duty comes a-callin'
+    In the Winter's weather off the North Sea ground.
+  It's well we've learned to laugh at fear--the sea has taught us how;
+  It's well we've shaken hands with death--we'll not be strangers now,
+  With death in every climbin' wave before the trawler's bow,
+    An' the black spawn swimmin' on the North Sea ground.
+
+[Illustration: WILLIAM O' THE WISP]
+
+These brave men and their heroic brothers in the trenches are true
+sportsmen as well as patriots, not those who interpret the need of
+lightheartedness by the cult of "sport as usual" on the football field and
+the racecourse. And the example of the Universities shines with the same
+splendour. Of the scanty remnant that remain at Oxford and Cambridge all
+the physically fit have joined the O.T.C. Boat-race day has passed, but the
+crews are gone to "keep it long" and "pull it through" elsewhere:
+
+  Not here their hour of great emprise;
+    No mounting cheer towards Mortlake roars;
+  Lulled to full tide the river lies
+    Unfretted by the fighting oars;
+  The long high toil of strenuous play
+    Serves England elsewhere well to-day.
+
+London changes daily. The sight of the female Jehu is becoming familiar;
+the lake in St. James's Park has been drained and the water-fowl driven to
+form a concentration camp by the sorry pool that remains beside the
+Whitehall Gate.
+
+Spy-hunting is prevalent in East Anglia, but the amateurs have not achieved
+any convincing results. Spring poets are suffering from suspended
+animation; there is a slump in crocuses, snowdrops, daffodils and lambkins.
+Their "musings always turn away to men who're arming for the fray." The
+clarion and the fife have ousted the pastoral ode. And our military and
+naval experts, harassed by the Censor, take refuge in psychology.
+
+The _Kölnische Zeitung_ has published a whole article on "Mr. Punch."
+The writer, a Herr Professor, finds our cartoons lacking in "modest
+refinement." Indeed, he goes so far as to say that the treatment of the
+Kaiser savours of blasphemy. One is so apt to forget that the Kaiser is a
+divinity, so prone to remember that Luther wrote, "We Germans are Germans,
+and Germans we will remain--that is to say, pigs and brutish animals." This
+was written in 1528: but "the example of the Middle Ages" is held up to-day
+by German leaders as the true fount of inspiration.
+
+[Illustration: THE WAR SPIRIT AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM
+
+ARDENT EGYPTOLOGIST (who has lately joined the Civic Guard): "No, I seem to
+have lost my enthusiasm for this group since I noticed Bes-Hathor-Horus was
+out of step with the other two."]
+
+
+
+_April_, 1915.
+
+
+A hundred years ago Bismarck was born on April 1, the man who built with
+blood and iron, but now only the blood remains. Yet one may doubt whether
+even that strong and ruthless pilot would have commended the submarine crew
+who sank the liner _Falaba_ and laughed at the cries and struggles of
+drowning men and women. Sooner or later these crews are doomed to die the
+death of rats:
+
+  But you, who sent them out to do this shame;
+    From whom they take their orders and their pay;
+  For you--avenging wrath defers its claim,
+    And Justice bides her day.
+
+The tide of "frightfulness" rolls strong on land as on sea. The second
+battle of Ypres has begun and the enemy has resorted to the use of a new
+weapon--poison gas. He had already poisoned wells in South West Africa, but
+this is an uglier outcome of the harnessing of science to the Powers of
+Darkness. Italy grows restive in spite of the blandishments of Prince
+Bülow, and as the month closes we hear of the landing of the Allies in
+Gallipoli, just two months after the unsupported naval attempt to force the
+Dardanelles. British and Australian and New Zealand troops have achieved
+the impossible by incredible valour in face of murderous fire, and a
+foothold has been won at tremendous cost of heroic lives. Letters from the
+Western front continue cheerful, but it does not need much reading between
+the lines to realise the odds with which our officers and men have to
+contend, the endless discomfort and unending din. They are masters of a
+gallant art of metaphor which belittles the most appalling horrors of
+trench warfare; masters, too, of the art of extracting humorous relief from
+the most trivial incidents.
+
+On the home front we have to contend with a dangerous ally of the enemy in
+Drink, and with the self-advertising politicians who do their bit by asking
+unnecessary questions. Sometimes, but rarely, they succeed in eliciting
+valuable information, as in Mr. Lloyd George's statement on the situation
+at the front. We have now six times as many men in the field as formed the
+original Expeditionary Force, and in the few days fighting round Neuve
+Chapelle almost as much ammunition was expended by our guns as in the whole
+of the two and three-quarter years of the Boer War.
+
+[Illustration: THE HAUNTED SHIP
+
+GHOST OF THE OLD PILOT: "I wonder if he would drop me _now!_"]
+
+The Kaiser has been presented with another grandson, but it has not been
+broken to the poor little fellow who he is. It is also reported that the
+Kaiser has bestowed an Iron Cross on a learned pig--one of a very numerous
+class.
+
+
+
+_May, 1915_.
+
+
+We often think that we must have got to the end of German "frightfulness,"
+only to have our illusions promptly shattered by some fresh and amazing
+explosion of calculated ferocity. Last month it was poison gas; now it is
+the sinking of the _Lusitania_. Yet Mr. Punch had read the omens some
+seven and a half years ago, when the records established by that liner had
+created a jealousy in Germany which the Kaiser and his agents have now
+appeased, but at what a cost! The House of Commons is an odd place, unique
+in its characteristics. Looking round the benches when it reassembled on
+May 10th, and noting the tone and purport of the inquiries addressed to the
+First Lord, one might well suppose that nothing remarkable had happened
+since Parliament adjourned. The questions were numerous but all practical,
+and as unemotional as if they referred to outrages by a newly-discovered
+race of fiends in human shape peopling Mars or Saturn. The First Lord,
+equally undemonstrative, announced that the Board of Trade have ordered an
+inquiry into the circumstances attending the disaster. Pending the result,
+it would be premature to discuss the matter. Here we have the sublimation
+of officialism and national phlegm. Of the 1,200 victims who went down in
+this unarmed passenger ship about 200 were Americans. What will America say
+or do?
+
+[Illustration: AN OMEN OF 1908
+
+Reproduced from "Christmas Cards for Celebrities," in _Mr. Punch's
+Almanack_ of that year]
+
+[Illustration: HAMLET U.S.A.
+
+SCENE: The Ramparts of the White House.
+
+PRESIDENT WILSON: "The time is out of joint, O cursed spite,
+That ever I was born to set it right!"
+
+VOICE OF ROOSEVELT (_off_): "That's so!"]
+
+  In silence you have looked on felon blows,
+    On butcher's work of which the waste lands reek!
+  Now in God's name, from Whom your greatness flows,
+    Sister, will you not speak?
+
+Many unofficial voices have been raised in horror, indignation, and even in
+loud calls for intervention. The leaven works, but President Wilson, though
+not unmoved, gives little sign of abandoning his philosophic neutrality.
+
+In Europe it is otherwise. Italy has declared war on Austria; her people
+have driven the Government to take the path of freedom and honour and break
+the shackles of Germanism in finance, commerce and politics.
+
+Italy has not declared war on Germany yet, but the fury of the German Press
+is unbounded, and for the moment Germany's overworked Professors of Hate
+have focused their energies on the new enemy, and its army of "vagabonds,
+convicts, ruffians and mandolin-players," conveniently forgetting that the
+spirit of Garibaldi is still an animating force, and that the King inherits
+the determination of his grandfather and namesake.
+
+On the Western front the enemy has been repulsed at Ypres. Lord Kitchener
+has asked for another 300,000 men, and speaks confidently of our soon being
+able to make good the shortage of ammunition.
+
+On the Eastern front the Grand Duke Nicholas has been forced to give
+ground; in Gallipoli slow progress is being made at heavy cost on land and
+sea. The Turk is a redoubtable trench fighter and sniper; the difficulties
+of the _terrain_ are indescribable, yet our men continue the epic
+struggle with unabated heroism. King Constantine of Greece, improved in
+health, construes his neutrality in terms of ever increasing benevolence to
+his brother-in-law the Kaiser.
+
+[Illustration: (series of six panels) THE REWARD OF KULTUR]
+
+At home the great event has been the formation of a Coalition Government--a
+two-handed sword, as we hope, to smite the enemy; while practical people
+regard it rather as a "Coal and Ammunition Government." The cost of the War
+is now Two Millions a day, and a new campaign of Posters and Publicity has
+been inaugurated to promote recruiting. Volunteers, with scant official
+recognition, continue their training on foot; the Hurst Park brigade
+continue their activities, mainly on rubber wheels. An evening paper
+announces:
+
+VICTORY IN GALLIPOLI.
+
+LATE WIRE FROM CHESTER.
+
+Mr. Punch is prompted to comment:
+
+  For these our Army does its bit,
+    While they in turn peruse
+  Death's honour-roll (should time permit)
+    After the Betting News.
+
+More agreeable is the sportsmanship of the trenches, where a correspondent
+tells of the shooting of a hare and the recovery of the corpse, by a
+reckless Tommy, from the turnip-field which separated our trenches from
+those of Fritz.
+
+Amongst other signs of the times the emergence of the Spy Play is to be
+noted, in which the alien enemy within our gates is gloriously confounded.
+Yet, if a certain section of the Press is to be believed, the dark and
+sinister operations of the Hidden Hand continue unchecked.
+
+The Germans as unconscious humorists maintain their supremacy _hors
+concours_. A correspondent of the _Cologne Gazette_ was with other
+journalists recently entertained to dinner in a French villa by the Crown
+Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria. "The party, while dining," we are told,
+"talked of the defects of French taste, and Prince Rupprecht said that
+French houses were full of horrors." True, O Prince, but the French are
+determined to drive them out. Better still, in the month which witnessed
+the sinking of the _Lusitania_ we read this panegyric of the Teuton in
+_Die Welt_: "Clad in virtue and in peerless nobility of character,
+unassailed by insidious enemies either within or without, girded about by
+the benign influences of Kultur, the German, whether soldier or civilian,
+pursues his destined way, fearless and serene."
+
+
+
+_June, 1915._
+
+
+The weeks that have passed since the sinking of the _Lusitania_ have
+left Germany not merely impenitent but glorying in her crime. "The
+destruction of the _Lusitania_," says Herr Baumgarten, Professor of
+Theology, "should be greeted with jubilation and enthusiastic cheering, and
+everybody who does not cheer is no real or true German." Many harsh things
+have been said of the Germans, but nothing quite so bitter as this
+suggestion for a test of nationality. But while Germany jubilates, her
+Government is painfully anxious to explain everything to the satisfaction
+of America. The conversations between the two Powers are continuous but
+abortive. President Wilson's dove has returned to him, with the report
+"Nothing doing," and the American eagle looks as if he would like to take
+on the job.
+
+Germany has had her first taste of real retaliation in the bombardment of
+Karlsruhe by Allied airmen, and is furiously indignant at the attack on an
+"unfortified and peaceful" town--which happens to be the headquarters of
+the 14th German Army Corps and to contain an important arsenal as well as
+large chemical, engineering and railway works. Also she is very angry with
+Mr. Punch, and has honoured him and other British papers with a solemn
+warning. Our performances, it seems, are "diligently noted, so that when
+the day of reckoning arrives we shall know with whom we have to deal, and
+how to deal with them effectually." It is evident that in spite of Italy's
+entry into the war the mass of the Germans are still true to their old hate
+of England.
+
+[Illustration: ON THE BLACK LIST
+
+KAISER (as executioner): "I'm going to hang you."
+
+PUNCH: "Oh, you are, are you? Well, you don't seem to know how the scene
+ends. It's the hangman that gets hanged."]
+
+[Illustration: SOME BIRD
+
+THE RETURNING DOVE (to President Woodrow Noah):
+
+"Nothing doing."
+
+THE EAGLE: "Say, Boss, what's the matter with trying me?"]
+
+But Germany does not merely talk. She has been indulging in drastic
+reprisals in consequence of Mr. Winston Churchill's memorandum on the
+captured submarine crews. As a result 39 imprisoned British officers,
+carefully selected, have been subjected to solitary confinement under
+distressing conditions in return for Mr. Churchill's having hinted at
+possible severities which were never carried out. Moral: Do not threaten
+unless you mean to act. The retirement of Mr. Churchill to the seclusion of
+the Duchy of Lancaster and the appointment of Mr. Balfour to the First
+Lordship of the Admiralty afford hope that the release of the Thirty-Nine
+from their special hardship will not be unduly postponed. The Coalition
+Government is shaking down. A Ministry of Munitions has been created, with
+Mr. Lloyd George in charge; and members of the Cabinet have decided to pool
+their salaries with a view to their being divided equally. Mr. McKenna has
+made his first appearance as Chancellor of the Exchequer and introduced a
+Bill authorising the raising of a War Loan unlimited in extent, but, being
+a man of moderate views, will be satisfied if nine hundred millions are
+forthcoming. Lord Haldane has been succeeded in the Lord Chancellorship by
+Lord Buckmaster, having caused by one unfortunate phrase a complete
+oblivion of all the services rendered by his creation of the Territorial
+system. The cry for "more men" has now changed to one for "more shells,"
+and certain newspapers, always in search of a scapegoat, have entered on a
+campaign directed against Lord Kitchener, the very man whom a few short
+months ago they hailed as the saviour of the situation. Finding that the
+public cannot live on their hot air, they are doing their best to make our
+flesh creep and keep our feet cold. Let us hope that K. of K. will find the
+Garter some slight protection against this hitting below the belt.
+
+The Russian retreat continues, but there is no _débâcle._ Greece shows
+signs of returning sanity in the restoration to power of her one strong
+man, M. Venizelos. If there were a few more like him then (to adapt Porson)
+"the Germanised Greek would be sadly to seek." As it is, he flourishes
+exceedingly, under the patronage of a Prussianised Court.
+
+In Gallipoli the deadly struggle goes on; our foothold has been
+strengthened by bitter fighting and our lines pushed forward for three
+miles by a few hundred yards--a big advance in modern trench warfare.
+Blazing heat and a plague of flies add to the discomforts of our men, but a
+new glory has been added to the ever growing vocabulary of the war in
+"Anzac." There is a lull on the Western front, if such a word properly can
+be applied to the ceaseless activities of the war of position, of daily
+_strafe_ and counter-_strafe_.
+
+At home, khaki weddings are becoming common form. By an inversion of the
+old order the bride is now eclipsed by the bridegroom:
+
+  'Tis well: the lack of fine array
+    Best fits a sacrificial altar;
+  Her man to-morrow joins the fray,
+    And yet she does not falter;
+  Simple her gown, but still we see
+  The bride in all her bravery.
+
+Society is losing much of its snap through the political truce. It is all
+very well to talk of the lion lying down with the lamb, but of course it
+makes life a distinctly duller business both for the lion and the lamb when
+each has lost his or her dearest enemy. For the rest, there is a brisk
+trade in anti-gas respirators, "lonely soldiers" are becoming victimised by
+fair correspondents, and a new day has been added to the week--flag day.
+
+Proverb for the month, suggested by the activities of the Imperial
+infanticide: "The hand that wrecks the cradle rules the world."
+
+
+
+_July, 1915_.
+
+
+The last month of the first year of the war brings no promise of a speedy
+end; it is not a month of great battles on land or sea, but rather of omens
+and foreshadowings, good and evil. To the omens of victory belongs the
+sinking of the _Pommern_, named after the great maritime province, so
+long coveted by the Brandenburgers, the makers of Prussia and the true
+begetters of Prussianism. Of good omen, too, has been the "clean sweep"
+made by General Botha in German South-West Africa, where the enemy
+surrendered unconditionally on July 9. And though the menace of the U-boat
+grows daily, there _may_ be limits to America's seemingly
+inexhaustible forbearance. There are happily none to the fortitude of our
+bluejackets and trawlers.
+
+Pundits in the Press, fortified by warnings from generals in various Home
+Commands, display an increasing preoccupation with the likelihood of
+invasion by sea. Mr. Punch naturally inclines to a sceptical attitude,
+swayed by long adherence to the views of the Blue Water School and the
+incredulousness of correspondents engaged in guarding likely spots on the
+East Coast. With runaway raids by sea we are already acquainted, and their
+growing frequency from the air is responsible for various suggested
+precautions, official and otherwise--pails of sand and masks and
+anti-asphyxiation mixtures--which are not viewed with much sympathy in the
+trenches. _There_ the men meet the most disconcerting situations--as,
+for example, the problem of spending a night in a flooded meadow occupied
+by a thunderstorm--with irrelevant songs or fantasias on the mouth-organ.
+
+[Illustration: FIRST TRAWLER SKIPPER (to friend who is due to sail by next
+tide): "Are ye takin' any precautions against these submarines, Jock?"
+
+SECOND SKIPPER: "Ay! Although I've been in the habit o' carryin' my bits of
+bawbees wi' me, I went an' bankit them this mornin', an' I'm no taking ma
+best oilskins or ma new seaboots."
+
+FIRST SKIPPER; "Oh, _you're_ a'richt then. Ye'll hae practically
+nothin' tae lose but yer life."]
+
+  Oh, there ain't no band to cheer us up, there ain't no Highland pipers
+  To keep our warlike ardure warm round New Chapelle and Wipers,
+  So--since there's nothing like a tune to glad the 'eart o' man,
+  Why Billy with his mouth-organ 'e does the best 'e can.
+
+  Wet, 'ungry, thirsty, 'ot or cold, whatever may betide 'im,
+  'E'll play upon the 'ob of 'ell while the breath is left inside 'im;
+  And when we march up Potsdam Street, and goose-step through Berlin,
+  Why Billy with 'is mouth-organ 'e'll play the Army in!
+
+[Illustration: THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA
+
+SINBAD THE KAISER: "This submarine business is going to get me into trouble
+with America; but what can an All-Powerful do with a thing like this on his
+back?"]
+
+When officers come home on leave and find England standing where she did,
+their views support the weather-beaten major who said that it was "worth
+going to a little trouble and expense to keep _that_ intact." But you
+can hardly expect people who live in trenches which have had to be rebuilt
+twice daily for the last few months and are shelled at all hours of the day
+or night, to compassionate the occasional trials of the home-keeping
+bomb-dodger. The war, as it goes on, seems to bring out the best and the
+worst that is in us. South Wales responded loyally to the call for
+recruits, yet 200,000 miners are affected by the strike fever.
+
+The House, where party strife for a brief space was hushed by mutual
+consent, is now devastated by the energies of indiscreet, importunate,
+egotistic or frankly disloyal question-mongers. We want a censorship of
+Parliamentary Reports. The Press Bureau withholds records of shining
+courage at the front lest they should enlighten the enemy, but gives full
+publicity to those
+
+  Who give us words in lieu of deeds,
+  Content to blather while their country bleeds.
+
+There is, however, some excuse for those importunates who wish to know on
+what authority the Premier declared at Newcastle that neither our Allies
+nor ourselves have been hampered by an insufficient supply of munitions. In
+two months' fighting in Gallipoli our casualties have largely exceeded
+those sustained by us during the whole of the Boer War. And financial
+purists may be pardoned for their protests against extravagant expenditure
+in view of the announcement that the war is now costing well over three
+millions daily. The idea of National Registration has taken shape in a
+Bill, which has passed its second reading. The notion of finding out what
+everyone can do to help his country in her hour of need is excellent. But
+the Government do not seem to have realised that half a million volunteer
+soldiers have been waiting and ready for a job for the last six months:
+
+  And when at last you come and say
+    "What can you do? We ask for light
+  On any service you can pay,"
+    The answer is: "_You_ know all right,
+  And all this weary while you knew it;
+  The trouble was you wouldn't let us do it."
+
+The German Press is not exactly the place where one expects to find
+occasion for merriment. Yet listen to this from the _Neueste
+Nachrichten_: "Our foes ask themselves continuously, How can we best get
+at Germany's vital parts? What are her most vulnerable points? The answer
+is, her humanity--her trustful honesty." Here, on the other hand, thousands
+of people, by knocking months and years off their real age, have been
+telling good straightforward lies for their country. At the Front euphemism
+in describing hardship is mingled with circumlocution in official
+terminology. Thus one C.O. is reported to refer to the enemy not as Germans
+but "militant bodies of composite Teutonic origin."
+
+A new and effectual cure for the conversion of pessimists at home has been
+discovered. It is simply to out-do the prophets of ill at their own game.
+The result is that they seek you out to tell you that an enemy submarine
+has been sunk off the Scillies or that the Crown Prince is in the Tower. It
+is the old story that optimists are those who have been associating with
+pessimists and _vice versâ_. But seriousness is spreading. We are told
+that even actresses are now being photographed with their mouths shut,
+though one would have thought that at such a time all British
+subjects--especially the "Odolisques" of the variety stage--ought to show
+their teeth.
+
+
+
+_August_, 1915.
+
+
+Ordinary anniversaries lead to retrospect: after a year of the greatest of
+all wars it is natural to indulge in a stock-taking of the national spirit,
+and comforting to find that, in spite of disillusions and disappointments,
+the alternation of exultations and agonies, the soul of the fighting men of
+England remains unshaken and unconquerable. Three of the Great Powers of
+Europe espoused the cause of Liberty a year ago; now there are four, and
+the aid of Italy in engaging and detaching large Austrian forces enables us
+to contemplate with greater equanimity a month of continuous Russian
+withdrawal, and the tragic loss of Warsaw and the great fortresses of
+Novo-Georgievsk and Brest-Litovsk. And if there is no outward sign of the
+awakening of Germany, no slackening in frightfulness, no abatement in the
+blasphemous and overweening confidence of her Ruler and his War-lords who
+can tell whether they have not moments of self-distrust?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE WAYSIDE CALVARY. August 4th, 1915.
+
+  Now with the full year Memory holds her tryst,
+    Heavy with such a tale of bitter loss
+  As never Earth has suffered since the Christ
+          Hung for us on the Cross.
+
+  If God, O Kaiser, makes the vision plain;
+    Gives you on some lone Calvary to see
+  The Man of Sorrows Who endured the pain
+          And died to set us free--
+
+  How will you face beneath its crown of thorn
+    That figure stark against the smoking skies,
+  The arms outstretched, the sacred head forlorn,
+          And those reproachful eyes?
+
+  How dare confront the false quest with the true,
+    Or think what gulfs between the ideals lie
+  Of Him Who died that men may live--and you
+          Who live that man may die?
+
+  Ah, turn your eyes away; He reads your heart;
+    Pass on and, having done your work abhorred,
+  Join hands with JUDAS in his place apart,
+          You who betrayed your Lord.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is the way of modern war that we know little of what is going on, least
+of all on sea. Some of our sailormen have had their chance in the
+Heligoland Bight, off the Dogger Bank and Falkland Isles, and in the
+Dardanelles. It is well that we should remember what we owe to the patient
+vigil of their less fortunate comrades, the officers and men of the Grand
+Fleet, and to the indefatigable and ubiquitous activities of the ships
+officially classified as "Light Cruisers (Old)":
+
+[Illustration: AFTER ONE YEAR]
+
+  From Pole unto Pole, all the oceans between,
+  Patrolling, protecting, unwearied, unseen,
+  By night or by noonday, the Navy is there,
+  And the out-of-date cruisers are doing their share,
+  The creaky old cruisers whose day is not done,
+  Built some time before Nineteen-hundred-and-one.
+
+At any rate, we know for certain that British submarines have made their
+way into the Baltic, a "sea change" extremely disquieting to the Germans,
+who, for the rest, have suffered in a naval scrap in the Gulf of Riga with
+the Russians. On the Western front our troops are suffering from two
+plagues--large shells and little flies. These troubles have not prevented
+them from scoring a small though costly success at Hooge. From Gallipoli
+comes the news of fresh deeds of amazing heroism at Suvla Bay and Anzac.
+
+The war of Notes goes on with unabated energy between Germany and the
+U.S.A. At home a brief period has been set to the pernicious activities of
+importunate inquisitors by the adjournment of the House till mid-September.
+"Dr. Punch" is of opinion that the Mother of Parliaments is sorely in need
+of a rest and needs every hour of a seven weeks' holiday. In the Thrift
+campaign, which has now set in, everybody expects that everybody else
+should do his duty; and the universal eruption of posters imploring us to
+subscribe to the War Loan indicates the emergence of a new Art--that of
+Government by advertisement. To the obvious appeals to duty, patriotism,
+conscience, appeals to shame, appeals romantic and even facetious are now
+added. It may be necessary, but the method is not dignified. All that can
+be said is that "Govertisement," or government by advertisement, is better
+than Government by the Press, a new terror with which we are daily
+threatened.
+
+Mr. Winston Churchill, the greatest of our quick-change political artists,
+is said to be devoting his leisure to landscape painting. The particular
+school that he favours is not publicly stated, but we have reason to
+believe that he intends to be a Leader.
+
+The Archbishop of Cologne says that, on being congratulated on his Eastern
+successes, the Kaiser "turned his eyes to heaven with the most
+indescribable expression of intense gratitude and religious fervour." Yes,
+we can quite imagine that it beggared description. But there is no
+difficulty in finding the right phrase for his address to the inhabitants
+of Warsaw: "We wage war only against hostile troops, not against peaceful
+citizens." It is not "_splendide mendax_." That is the due of boys who
+overstate, and men who understate, their age in order to serve their
+country in the field.
+
+[Illustration: OFFICER (to boy of thirteen who, in his effort to get taken
+on as a bugler, has given his age as sixteen): "Do you know where boys go
+who tell lies?"
+
+APPLICANT: "To the Front, sir."]
+
+A correspondent reminds Mr. Punch that four years ago he wrote as follows:
+"Lord Haldane, in defending the Territorials, declared that he expects to
+be dead before any political party seriously suggests compulsory military
+service. We understand that, since making this statement, our War Minister
+has received a number of telegrams from Germany wishing him long life." But
+we suspect that when he said dead he meant politically dead. Still, we owe
+Lord Haldane the Territorials, and they are doing great work in Europe and
+most valuable, if thankless, work in India. As "One of the _Punch_
+brigade" writes: "The hearts of very few of the Territorials now
+garrisoning India are in their work, though, of course, we know that
+actually it is essential duty we are performing." "They also serve," who
+patiently endure the dull routine of existence largely spent in a stifling
+fort on the blistering and dust-swept plains, and find relief in the
+smallest incident that breaks the monotony. As, for example, when a
+quartermaster-sergeant was held up by a native guard at a bridge, and, on
+demanding an explanation, had his attention directed to the notices on the
+wall, "Elephants and traction engines are not allowed to cross this
+bridge."
+
+
+
+_September, 1915_.
+
+
+The Tsar has succeeded the Grand Nicholas as Generalissimo of his armies,
+and the great Russian retreat has ended. Yet it would be rash to say that
+the one event has caused the other. Lord Kitchener's statement that on the
+Eastern front the Germans had "almost shot their last bolt" is a better
+summary, and when we reflect on their enormous superiority in artillery and
+equipment, that is a great tribute to the strategy of the Grand Duke in
+conducting the most difficult retreat of modern times. Germany, though a
+mistress of the entire alphabet of frightfulness, is making increasing play
+with the _U_'s and _Z_'s, and Admiral Percy Scott, who predicted
+the dangers of the former, is now entrusted with the task of coping with
+the latter menace.
+
+Five months have elapsed since the sinking of the _Lusitania_ and the
+pro-German campaign in the United States is more active than ever, thanks
+to the untiring efforts of Count Bernstorff and his worthy ally, Dr. Dumba,
+in promoting strikes and _sabotage_; but President Wilson, "Le Grand
+Penseur," declines to be rushed by the interventionists, and is giving his
+detached consideration to the "concessions" of the German Government in
+regard to submarine warfare. But three thousand miles of ocean no longer
+keep America free from strife. The enemy is within her gates, plotting,
+spying and bribing. The lesser neutrals in Europe find it harder to
+dissemble their sympathies, but Ferdinand of Bulgaria maintains a vulpine
+inscrutability.
+
+[Illustration: THE UNSINKABLE TIRP
+
+GERMAN CHANCELLOR: "Well, thank Heaven, that's the last of Tirpitz."
+
+TIRPITZ (reappearing): "I don't think!"]
+
+By way of a sidelight on what happens on the Western front, a wounded
+officer sends a characteristic account of his experiences after "going over
+the top" at 3 A.M. "The first remark, as distinct from a shout that I heard
+after leaving our parapet, came from Private Henry, my most notorious
+malefactor. As the first attempt at a wire entanglement in our new position
+went heavenward ten seconds after its emplacement, and a big tree just to
+our right collapsed suddenly like a dying pig, he turned round with a grin,
+observing: 'Well, sir, we _do_ see a bit of life, if we _don't_
+make money.' I never saw a man all day who hadn't a grin ready when you
+passed, and a bit of a _riposte_ if you passed the time of day with
+him." Our officers only think of their men, and the men of their officers.
+In Gallipoli our soldiers have discovered a new method of annoying the
+Turk:
+
+  We go and bathe, in shameless scores
+    Beneath his baleful een,
+  Disrobe, unscathed, on sacred shores
+    And wallow in between;
+  Nor does a soldier then assume
+  His university costume,
+  And though it makes the Faithful fume,
+    It makes the Faithless clean.
+
+The return of the wounded to England is marked by strange incidents,
+pathetic and humorous. Thus it has been reserved for an officer, reported
+dead in the casualty list, to ring up his people on the telephone and
+correct "this silly story about my being killed." And the cheerfulness of
+the limbless men in blue is something wonderful. They "jest at scars," but
+not because they "never felt a wound." It is a high privilege to entertain
+these light-hearted heroes, one of whom recently presented his partner in a
+lawn tennis match with a fragment of shell taken direct from his
+"stummick." And the recipient rightly treasures it as a love-token.
+
+Parliament has reassembled, the inquisitors returning (unhappily) like
+giants refreshed after their holiday. But they sometimes contribute to our
+amusement, as when one relentless and complacent critic declared that, on
+the matter of conscription, he should himself "prefer to be guided--very
+largely--by Lord Kitchener." The concession is something. Most of the
+importunate questionists are on the other side:
+
+  "Take from us any joys you like," they cry;
+    "We'd bear the loss, however much we missed 'em;
+  Let truth and justice, fame and honour die,
+    But spare, O spare, our Voluntary System!"
+
+Amongst other signs of the times the increase of girl gardeners and the
+sacrifice of flower beds to vegetables are to be noted. But War changes are
+sometimes disconcerting, even when they are most salutary. For example,
+there is the _cri de coeur_ of a passenger on a Clydebank tramcar in
+Glasgow on Saturday night, with a lady conductor: "I canna jist bottom
+this, Tam. It's Seterday nicht an' this is the Clydebank caur, an' there's
+naebody singin' an' naebody fechtin' wi' the conductor." Liquor control
+evidently does mean something.
+
+
+[Illustration: A HANDY MAN
+
+MARINE;(somewhat late for parade): "At six o'clock I was a bloomin'
+'ousemaid: at seven o'clock I was a bloomin' valet; at eight o'clock I was
+a bloomin' waiter; an' _now_ I'm a bloomin' soldier!"]
+
+The War vocabulary grows and grows. "Pipsqueaks," "crumps" and "Jack
+Johnsons," picturesque equivalents for unpleasant things, have long been
+familiar even to arm-chair experts. The strangely named "Archie," and
+"Pacifist," the dismay of scholars--a word "mean as what it's meant to
+mean"--now come to be added to the list. A new and admirable explanation of
+the R.F.A., "Ready for anyfink," is attributed to a street Arab. Our
+children are mostly lapped in blissful ignorance, but their comments are
+often illuminating. As, for instance, the suggestion of a small child asked
+to give her idea of a suitable future for Germany and the Kaiser: "After
+the war I wouldn't let Heligoland belong to anybody. I would put the
+Germans there, and they should dig and dig and dig until it was all dug
+into the sea. The Kaiser should be sent to America, and they should be as
+rude as they liked to him. If he went in a train no one was to offer him a
+seat; he was to hang on to a strap, and he is to be called Mr. Smith."
+Cooks are being bribed to stay by the gift of War Bonds. Smart fashionables
+are flocking to munition works, and some of them sometimes are not
+unnaturally growing almost frightened at the organising talents they are
+developing. So are other people.
+
+A vigorous campaign against flies has been initiated by the journal which
+describes itself as "that paper which gets things done." Nothing is too
+small for it. Meanwhile it is announced that "Lord Northcliffe is
+travelling and will be beyond the reach of correspondence until the end of
+next week." Even he must have an occasional rest from his daily mail.
+
+We have to apologise for any suggestion to the effect that the Huns are
+devoid of humour. The German Society for the Protection and Preservation of
+Monuments has held a meeting in Brussels and expressed its thanks to the
+German Military Authorities for the care they had taken of the Monuments in
+Belgium. The function ended with an excursion to Louvain, where the
+delegates, no doubt, enjoyed a happy hour in the Library.
+
+
+
+_October, 1915_.
+
+
+September ended with the Western front once more ablaze, with bitter
+fighting at Loos and a great French offensive in Champagne. With October
+the focus of interest and anxiety shifts to the Balkans. Austrian armies,
+stiffened with Germans, have again invaded Serbia and again occupied
+Belgrade. The Allies have landed at Salonika, and Ferdinand of Bulgaria has
+declared war on Serbia. Thus a new theatre of war has been opened, and
+though it is well to be rid of a treacherous neutral, the conflict enters
+on a fresh and formidable phase. When Ferdinand went to Bulgaria he is said
+to have resolved that if ever there were to be any assassinations he would
+be on the side of the assassins. He has been true to his word ever since
+the removal of Stamboloff:
+
+  Here stands the Moslem with his brutal sword
+    Still red and reeking with Armenia's slaughter;
+  Here, fresh from Belgium's wastes, the Christian Lord,
+    His heart unsated by the wrong he wrought her;
+  And you between them, on your brother's track,
+  Sworn, for a bribe, to stick him in the back.
+
+France and England have declared their intention of rendering all possible
+help to Serbia in her new ordeal, but Greece, false to her treaty with
+Serbia, and dominated by a pro-German Court and Government, hampers us at
+every turn. "'Tis Greece, but living Greece no more." So Byron sang, and a
+Byron _de nos jours_ adds a new stanza to his appeal:
+
+  Lo, a new curse--the Teuton bane!
+    Again rings out the trumpet call;
+  France, England, Russia, joined again,
+    For freedom fight, for Greece, for all;
+  And Greece--shall she that call ignore?
+  Then is she living Greece no more!
+
+Life in the trenches grows more strenuous as the output of high explosive
+increases, and the daily toll of our best and bravest makes grievous
+reading for the elders at home, "who linger here and droop beneath the
+heavy burden of our years," though many of them cheerfully undertake the
+thankless fatigues of guarding the King's highway as specials. But letters
+from the front still show the same genius for making light of hardship and
+deadly peril, the same happy gift of extracting amusement from trivial
+incidents. So those who spend their days and nights under heavy shell fire
+and heavy rain write to tell you that "tea is the dominating factor of
+war," or that "the mushrooming and ratting in their latest quarters" are
+satisfactory. And even the wounded, in comparing the hazards of London with
+those at the front, only indulge in mild irony at the expense of the
+"staunch dare-devil souls who stay at home."
+
+In Parliament Sir Edward Carson has explained the reasons of his
+resignation of office--his difference from his colleagues in the
+difficulties arising in the Eastern theatre of war; and a resolution has
+been placed on the order-book proposing the appointment of a Committee of
+Inquiry on the Dardanelles campaign. No abatement of the plague of
+questions is yet noticeable, but some slight excuse may be found for the
+"ragging" of the Censor. This anonymous worthy, it appears, recently
+excised the words "and the Kings" from the well-known line in Mr. Kipling's
+"Recessional":
+
+  The Captains and the Kings depart.
+
+Apparently the Censor cannot admit any reference to the movements of
+royalty.
+
+[Illustration: REALISATION
+
+("When I went to Bulgaria I resolved that if there were to be any
+assassinations I would be on the side of the assassins."
+STATEMENT BY FERDINAND.)]
+
+When the Kaiser was at Windsor in 1891 he told the Eton College Volunteers
+he was glad to see so many of them taking an interest in the study of arms,
+and hoped that if ever they had to draw their swords in earnest they would
+use them to some purpose for their country. Now that there are three
+thousand Etonians at the front he is beginning to be sorry he spoke. The
+Kaiser, by his own confession, is sorry in another way. He has told a
+Socialist deputy, "with tears in his eyes," that he was sincerely sorry for
+France, which was "the greatest disappointment of his life." Even
+crocodiles sometimes speak the truth unwittingly. Meanwhile the Hamburg
+_Fremdenblatt_ asserts that, "We Germans would gladly follow the
+Kaiser's lead through the very gates of hell, were it necessary." The
+qualification is surely superfluous, in the light of the murder of the
+heroic English hospital matron, Edith Cavell, at Brussels on October 12.
+Her life was one long act of mercy. She died with unshaken fortitude after
+the mockery of a trial on a charge of having assisted fugitive British and
+Belgian prisoners to escape. But her great offence was that she was
+English. The names of her chief assassins are General Baron von Biasing,
+the Governor of Brussels, General von Sauberschweig, the Military Governor,
+and the Baron von der Lancken, the Head of the Political Department. Many
+years will pass before the echoes of that volley fired at dawn in a
+Brussels prison yard will die away.
+
+[Illustration: LANDLADY; "'Ere's the Zeppelins, sir!" LODGER: "Right-o! Put
+'em down outside."]
+
+A new phase has been reached in the Conscription controversy, and the
+burning question appears to be whether the necessary men are to be
+compelled to volunteer or persuaded to be compulsorily enrolled. One of our
+novelist military experts, who is not always lucky with figures, though he
+thoroughly enjoys them, is alleged to have discovered that there are no
+more men than can be raised by conscription, but that the same does not, of
+course, apply to the voluntary system.
+
+The _Daily Mail_ asks, "Have we a Foreign Office?" We understand that
+a search-party is going carefully through Carmelite House. We have
+certainly got a Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, so efficient in the
+discharge of his duties that he has made himself an accomplished landscape
+painter in three months.
+
+A visitor to a remote East Anglian village in search of rest has found
+recreation in discussing with the inhabitants the Great War, of which he
+found some of them had heard. "Them there Zett'lins," said one old woman,
+"I almost shruk as I heerd the mucky varmints a-shovellin' on the
+coals--dare, dare! How my pore heart did beat!" And an onlooker, who had
+seen a bomb drop near a church, informed the visitor that it "fared to him
+like the body of the chach a-floatin' away--that it did and all! It made a
+clangin' like a covey of lorries with their innards broke loose." Another
+inhabitant said that he had two boys fighting. "One on 'em is in France,
+wherever that might be, and Jimmy's in that hare old Dardelles." He
+couldn't rightly say when the elder had gone out, "but it might be a yare
+ago come muck-spreadin'."
+
+
+
+_November_, 1915.
+
+
+More money and more men is still the cry. The war is now costing five
+millions a day, and the new vote of credit for £400,000,000 will only carry
+us on till the middle of February. This is "Derby's Day," and the new
+Director of Recruiting inspires confidence in his ability to make good, in
+spite of the Jeremiads of Lord Courtney and Lord Loreburn. The lot of a
+Coalition Government is never easy, and public opinion clamours not for
+Jeremiahs but for Jonahs to lighten the Ship of State. Mr. Winston
+Churchill, wearying of his sinecure at the Duchy of Lancaster, has resigned
+office, explained himself in a long speech, and rejoined his regiment at
+the Western front. Lord Fisher, whose doubts and hesitations about the
+Dardanelles expedition were referred to by the late First Lord, has been
+content to leave his record of sixty-one years' service in the hands of his
+countrymen. In the briefest maiden speech ever delivered in either House he
+stated that it was "unfitting to make personal explanations affecting the
+national interest when my country is in the midst of a great war." Here at
+least the traditions of the "Silent Service" have been worthily maintained,
+just as they are maintained by the Port Officer R.N.R. at an Oriental
+seaport, a thousand miles from the front, out of the limelight, with no
+chance of glory, with fever from morn till night, who "worries along by the
+grace of God and the blessing of cheap cheroots."
+
+In Flanders the rain has begun its winter session, and, as a military
+humorist put it, trench warfare is becoming a constant drain. The problem
+of parapet mending has been reduced to arithmetical form _à la_
+Colenso, as follows: "If two inches of rain per diem brings down one
+quarter of a company's parapet, and one company, working about twenty-six
+hours per diem, can revet one-eighth of a company's parapet, how long will
+your trenches last--given the additional premisses that no revetments to
+speak of are to be had, and that two inches of rain is only a minimum
+ration?" The infantryman finds the men of the R.F.C. interesting and
+stimulating companions. "These airy fellows talk of war as if it were a
+day's shooting, and they the cock pheasants with the best of the fun up
+aloft. Upon my word, the hen who hatched such birds should be a proud, if
+anxious, mother." The same correspondent sends a pleasant account of the
+mutual estimates of French and English, prompted by their experiences as
+brothers in arms. "Our idea of our Ally as a soldier is that his
+_élan_ and gay courage are very much more remarkable even than
+supposed; but for the dull, heavy work of continued warfare there is
+wanted, if we may say so without offence, the more stolid qualities of the
+English. On the other hand, the French opinion of their Ally as a soldier
+is that his dash and devilment are really astonishing, even to the most
+expectant critic; but for the sordid, monotonous strain of this trench
+business it needs (a thousand pardons!) the duller persistence of the
+French."
+
+[Illustration: THE PERSUADING OF TINO]
+
+In Greece the quick change of Premiers proceeds with kaleidoscopic
+rapidity. The attitude of the successive Prime Ministers has been described
+as (1) Tender and affectionate neutrality toward the Entente Powers; (2)
+Malevolent impartiality toward the Central Powers; (3) Inert cupidity
+toward all the belligerent Powers; (4) Genial inability; (5) Strict
+pusillanimity.
+
+Lord Milner has gone so far in the House of Lords as to say that "such war
+news as is published has from first to last been seriously misleading." The
+Balkan intelligence that is allowed to reach us does not exactly deserve
+this censure. To call it misleading would be too high praise; it seldom
+rises beyond a level of blameless irrelevance. It is hardly a burlesque of
+the facts to say that a cable from Amsterdam informs us that the Copenhagen
+correspondent of the _Echo de Paris_ learns from Salonika, _viâ_
+Lemnos and Nijni Novgorod, that in high official circles in Bukarest it is
+rumoured that in Constantinople the situation is considered grave; and then
+we are warned that too much credence must not be given to this report. The
+number of Censors at the Press Bureau being exactly forty, and their minute
+knowledge of English literature having been displayed on several occasions,
+it is said that Sir John Simon contemplates their incorporation as an
+Academy of "Immortals--for the duration of the War."
+
+[Illustration: PADDY (who has had his periscope smashed by a bullet): "Sure
+there's seven years' bad luck for the poor devil that broke that, anyhow."]
+
+Mr. Punch's Correspondent "Blanche" sends distressing details of some of
+the new complaints contracted by smart war workers. These include
+munition-wrists, shell-makers' crouch, neuro-committee-itis, and
+Zeppelin-eye through looking up into the sky too long with a telescope.
+
+A great deal depends on what you look at and what you look through. Thus
+Mr. Walter Long says that when he reads carping criticisms upon the conduct
+of the War he looks through his window at the people in the street and is
+always surprised to see the quiet steadfast manner in which they are going
+about their business. It is a good plan, but not always successful. The
+Kaiser got his view of the Irish people through a Casement, and it was
+entirely erroneous.
+
+The _Cologne Gazette_ has stated that "there is in England no real
+soldiers' humour such as we have." Certainly we have nothing like it,
+though we confess to preferring the home-grown brand.
+
+
+
+_December, 1915_
+
+
+Kut and Ctesiphon, Ctesiphon and Kut. Thus may the events of the last month
+in Mesopotamia, no longer a "blessed word," be expressed in a bald formula,
+which takes no account of the unavailing heroism of General Townshend's
+small but splendid force. Things have not been going well in the East. The
+Allies have been unable to save Serbia, Monastir has fallen, and our lines
+have been withdrawn to Salonika. The experts are now divided into two
+camps, the Westerners and the Easterners, and the former, pointing to the
+evacuation of Gallipoli, are loud in their denunciations of costly
+"side-shows," and the folly of strengthening Germany's hold on Turkey by
+killing out the Turks, instead of concentrating all our forces on killing
+the Germans on the Western front. The time is not yet come to decide which
+is right. But all are agreed with the British officer who described the
+Australian soldier at Gallipoli as "the bravest thing God ever made," and
+so prompted these lines:
+
+  Bravest, where half a world of men
+    Are brave beyond all earth's rewards,
+  So stoutly none shall charge again
+    Till the last breaking of the swords;
+  Wounded or hale, won home from war,
+    Or yonder by the Lone Pine laid;
+  Give him his due for evermore--
+    "The bravest thing God ever made!"
+
+Though the wings of the angel of Peace cannot be heard, peace kite-flying
+has already begun in Vienna, but Germany is anxious to represent it as
+unauthorised and improper. Mr. Henry Ford's voyage to Europe on the
+_Oscar II_ with a strangely assorted group of Pacificists does more
+credit to his heart than his head, and the conflicting elements in his
+party have earned for his ship the name of "The Tug of Peace." Anyhow,
+England is taking no risks on the strength of these irregular "overtures."
+A vote has been passed for a further increase of our "contemptible little
+Army" to four millions; and the manufacture of high explosive goes on in an
+ever-increasing ratio. Sir Douglas Haig has succeeded Sir John French as
+Commander-in-Chief of our Armies in France; Sir William Robertson is the
+new Chief of Staff--Scotsmen both of the finest type--and the appointments
+are universally approved, even by the _Daily Mail_. The temper of the
+men in France is well hit off by an officer when he says that "Atkins is
+really best when an ordinary mortal might be contemplating suicide or
+desertion." And officers arriving on leave at Victoria at 2 A.M. are driven
+to the conclusion that they are sent back to England from time to time to
+check their optimism, which at the front survives even being sent to
+so-called rest camps in the middle of a malodorous marsh for nine hours'
+military training _per diem_. The "philosophy of Thomas" is
+inscrutable, but no doubt he derives satisfaction from comparisons:
+
+  If we're standin' in two foot o' water, you see
+  Quite likely the Boches are standin' in three;
+  An' though the keen frost may be ticklin' our toes,
+  'Oo doubts that the Boches' 'ole bodies is froze?
+
+  So 'ere's our philosophy, simple an' plain:
+  Wotever we 'ates in the bloomin' campaign,
+  'Tis balm to our souls, as we grumble an' cuss,
+  To feel that the Boches are 'atin' it wuss.
+
+Hardest of all is the lot of the trooper in the trenches, who "thinks all
+day and dreams all night of a slap-bang, tally-ho! open fight," but for the
+time being "like a blinded mole toils in a furrow and lives in a hole."
+
+[Illustration: AN UNAUTHORISED FLIRTATION
+
+THE KAISER (to Austrian Emperor): "Franz! Franz! I'm surprised and
+pained."]
+
+The National Thrift campaign is carried on with great earnestness in
+Parliament. Luxury, waste, unnecessary banquets, high legal salaries have
+all come under the lash of the economy hunters. Of the maxim that "Charity
+begins, at home," they have, however, so far shown no appreciation beyond
+abstaining from voting any addition to their salary of £400 a year. Mr.
+Asquith's announcement that he takes his salary, and is going to continue
+taking it, has naturally lifted a great weight from the minds of these
+vicarious champions of economy.
+
+[Illustration: TOMMY (finding a German prisoner who speaks English): "Look
+what you done to me, you blighters! 'Ere--'ave a cigarette?"]
+
+Evidence of the chastened condition of the enemy is to be found in the
+statement on the official notepaper of Wolff's Telegraphic Bureau "that it
+assumes no responsibility of any kind for the accuracy of the news which it
+circulates." But there is no confirmation of the report that its dispatches
+will in future be known as "Lamb's Tales." The German Imperial Chancellor
+has replied to an appeal from a deputation of German Roman Catholics on
+behalf of the Armenians that "The German Government, in friendly
+communication with the Turkish Government, has been at constant pains to
+better the situation of Turkey's Christian subjects." Thanks to this
+friendly intervention, more than half a million Armenians will never suffer
+again from Turkish misrule.
+
+
+Mr. Roosevelt has added to the picturesqueness of political invective by
+describing Mr. Wilson's last Presidential message as "worthy of a Byzantine
+logothete." It is not often that one finds a rough-rider and ex-cowboy who
+is able to tackle a don in his own lingo. But Tommy at the front manages to
+converse with the _poilu_ without any vocabulary at all:
+
+  I met a chap the other day a-roostin' in a trench,
+  'E didn't know a word of ours nor me a word of French,
+  An' 'ow it was we managed--well, I cannot understand,
+  But I never used the phrase-book, though I 'ad it in my hand.
+
+  I winked at 'im to start with; 'e grinned from ear to ear;
+  An' 'e says "Tipperary," an' I says "Sooveneer";
+  'E 'ad my only Woodbine, I 'ad 'is thin cigar,
+  Which set the ball a-rollin', an' so--well, there you are!
+
+  I showed 'im next my wife an' kids, 'e up an' showed me 'is,
+  Them funny little Frenchy kids with 'air all in a frizz;
+  "Annette," 'e says, "Louise," 'e says, an' 'is tears began to fall;
+  We was comrades when we parted, but we'd 'ardly spoke at all.
+
+
+
+_January, 1916_.
+
+
+The New Year brings us a mixed bag of tricks, good and bad. Our armies grow
+in numbers and efficiency, in men and munitions. The new Commander-in-Chief
+on the Western front, and his new Chief of Staff, inspire confidence in all
+ranks, combatant and non-combatant. John Ward, the Labour Member, hitherto
+a strong opponent of conscription, and now a full-blown Colonel, has
+hurried over from the front to defend the Compulsory Service Bill in a
+manly and animated speech, and the Bill, despite the "Pringling" and
+pacificism of a small but local minority, has passed through Committee.
+
+Against these encouraging omens we have to set the complete evacuation of
+Gallipoli, the scene of unparalleled heroism and unavailing sacrifice, the
+fall of Monastir, the overrunning of Serbia, labour troubles on the Clyde,
+and the ignominious exemption of Ireland from the Military Service Bill.
+General Townshend, _rebus angustis animosus_--"in a tight place but
+full of beans"--is besieged in Kut, and the relieving forces have not been
+able to dislodge the Turks. Climate and weather and _terrain_ are all
+against us.
+
+Humanitarian Pacificists are much impressed by Germany's piteous
+lamentations over the brutality of the blockade. In these appeals to
+America optimists detect signs of cracking. Cooler observers explain them
+as evidence of her policy of shamming dead.
+
+English mothers who have lost their only sons cannot be expected to show
+sympathy for an Emperor who combines the professions of a Jekyll with the
+ferocity of a Hyde. Yet few of them would rewrite the record of these short
+lives; their pride is greater than their pain.
+
+While the daily toll of life is heavy, War, shorn of its pomp and
+pageantry, drags wearily in the trenches. The Lovelace of to-day is a
+troglodyte, biding his time patiently, but often a prey to _ennui_.
+This is how he writes to Lucasta to correct the portrait painted by her
+fancy:
+
+  Above, the sky is very grey, the world is very damp.
+  His light the sun denies by day, the moon by night her lamp;
+  Across the landscape, soaked and sad, the dull guns answer back,
+  And through the twilight's futile hush spasmodic rifles crack.
+
+  The papers haven't come to-day to show how England feels;
+  The hours go lame and languidly between our Spartan meals;
+  We've written letters till we're tired, with not a thing to tell
+  Except that nothing's doing, weather beastly, writer well.
+
+  So when you feel for us out here--as well I know you will--
+  Then sympathise with thousands for their country sitting still;
+  Don't picture battle-pieces by the lurid Press adored,
+  But miles and miles of Britishers, in burrows, badly bored.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+FOR NEUTRALS
+
+"Why do we torpedo passenger ships? Because we are being starved by the
+infamous English."
+
+
+FOR NATIVES
+
+"Who says we are in distress? Look what our splendid organisation is
+doing."]
+
+Small wonder that Lovelace in the trenches envies the Flying Man:
+
+  He rides aloof on god-like wings,
+    Taking no thought of wire or mud,
+  Saps, smells, or bugs--the mundane things
+    That sour our lives and have our blood.
+
+  The roads we trudged with feet of lead,
+    The shadows of his pinions skim;
+  The river where we piled our dead
+    Is but a silver thread to him.
+
+Lovelace in the air might tell another story; but both are at one with
+their prototype in the spirit which made him say: "I could not love thee,
+dear, so much, loved I not honour more," though neither of them would say
+it.
+
+In this context one may add that the Flying Men are not alone in exciting
+envy. Bread is the staff of life, and in the view of certain officers in
+the trenches the life of the Staff is one long loaf.
+
+The discussion on the withdrawal of Members' salaries has died down. The
+incident is now buried, and here is its epitaph:
+
+  Some three-score years or so ago six hundred gallant men
+  Made a charge that cost old England dear; they lost four hundred then:
+  To-day six hundred make a charge that costs the country dear,
+  But now they take four hundred each--four hundred pounds a year.
+
+Our journalists have been visiting the Fleet, and one of them, in a burst
+of candour tempered with caution, declares that "one would like to describe
+much more than one has seen, but that is impossible." Some other
+correspondents have found no such difficulty. But for admirable candour
+commend us to the _Daily Mail_ of December 24, where we read, "The
+_Daily Mail_ will not be published to-morrow, and for that reason we
+seize the occasion to-day of bidding our readers a Merry Christmas"--and a
+very good reason too. Mr. Punch is glad to reprint a ten-year-old girl's
+essay on "Patriotism": "Patriotism is composed of patriots, and they are
+people who live in Ireland and want Mr. Redmond or other people to be King
+of Ireland. They are very brave, some of them, and are so called after St.
+Patrick, who is Ireland's private saint. The patriots who are brave make
+splendid soldiers. The patriots who are not brave go to America." And here
+is a topical extract from a letter written to a loved one from the Front:
+
+"I received your dear little note in a sandbag. You say that you hope the
+sandbag stops a bullet. Well, to tell the truth, I hope it don't, as I have
+been patching my trousers with it."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+TOMMY (dictating letter to be sent to his wife): "The nurses here are a
+very plain lot--"
+
+NURSE: "Oh, come! I say! That's not very polite to us."
+
+TOMMY: "Never mind. Nurse, put it down. It'll please her!"]
+
+Tommy is adding to his other great qualities that of diplomacy, to judge
+from the incident illustrated above.
+
+
+
+_February, 1916_.
+
+
+The Epic of the Dardanelles is closed; that of Verdun has begun, and all
+eyes are focused on the tremendous struggle for the famous fortress. The
+Crown Prince has still his laurels to win, and it is clear that no
+sacrifice of German "cannon fodder" will be too great to deter him from
+pushing the stroke home. Fort Douaumont has fallen, and the hill of the
+Mort Homme has already terribly justified its cadaverous name. The
+War-lords of Germany are sorely in need of a spectacular success even
+though they purchase it at a great price, for they are very far from having
+everything their own way. Another Colony has gone the way of Tsing-tau, New
+Guinea and South-West Africa. The German Kamerun has cried "Kamerad!"
+General Smuts, like Botha, "Boer and Briton too," has gone off to take
+command in East Africa, and in the Caucasus Erzerum has fallen to the
+Russians. The Kaiser is reported to be bitterly disappointed with Allah.
+
+Sir Edward Grey is not altogether satisfied with the conduct of the Neutral
+Powers. He has no desire to make things as irksome to them as some of his
+critics desire. But he has pointed out that in the matter of preventing
+supplies from reaching the enemy by circuitous routes Great Britain has her
+own work to do, and means to do it thoroughly.
+
+The miraculous forbearance of President Wilson, in face of the activities
+of Count Bernstorff, is even more trying to a good many of his countrymen
+than it is to the belligerent Briton. Mr. Roosevelt, for instance, derives
+no satisfaction from being the fellow-countryman of a man who can "knock
+spots" off Job for patience. The _New York Life_ has long criticised
+the President with a freedom far eclipsing anything in the British Press.
+It has now crowned its "interventionist" campaign by a "John Bull number,"
+the most generous and graceful tribute ever paid to England by the American
+Press.
+
+[Illustration: THE CHALLENGE
+
+"Halt! Who comes there?" "Neutral." "Prove it!"
+
+"What I would say to Neutrals is this: Do they admit our right to apply the
+principles which were applied by the American Government in the war between
+North and South--to apply those principles to modern conditions and to do
+our best to prevent trade with the enemy through neutral countries? If the
+answer is that we are not entitled to do that, then I must say definitely
+it is a departure from neutrality."--SIR EDWARD GREY.]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+GRANNIE (dragged out of bed at 1.30 a.m., and being hurriedly dressed as
+the bombs begin to fall): "Nancy, these stockings are not a pair."]
+
+The Military Service Bill has passed through both Houses, and may be
+trusted to hasten still further the amazing growth of our once
+"contemptible little" Army. The pleasantest incident during the month at
+Westminster has been the tribute paid to the gallantry and self-sacrifice
+of the officers and men of our mercantile marine. The least satisfactory
+aspect of Parliamentary activity has been the ventilation of silly rumours
+at Question time, in which Mr. Ginnell has been so well to the fore as to
+suggest some subtle connection between cattle-driving and hunting for
+mares' nests.
+
+Steps have already been taken to restrict the imports of luxuries, and
+Ministers are believed to be unanimous in regarding "ginger" as an article
+whose importation might be profitably curtailed. It has been calculated
+that the annual expenses saved by the closing of the London Museums and
+Galleries amount to about one-fifth of the public money spent on the
+salaries of Members of Parliament. In other words:
+
+  Let Art and Science die,
+  But give us still our old Loquacity.
+
+Intellectual retrenchment, of course, is desirable,
+
+  But let us still keep open one collection
+    Of curiosities and quaint antiques,
+  Under immediate Cabinet direction--
+    The finest specimens of talking freaks,
+  Who constitute our most superb museum,
+  Judged by the salaries with which we fee 'em.
+
+Lord Sumner, however, seems to have no illusions on this score. He is
+reported to have said that "if the House of Lords and the House of Commons
+could be taken and thrown into a volcano every day the loss represented
+would be less than the daily loss of the campaign." It sounds a drastic
+remedy, but might be worth trying.
+
+Field-Marshal Lord French has taken over the responsibility for home
+defence against enemy aircraft, with Sir Percy Scott as his expert adviser.
+But the status of Sir Percy, who, as officially announced, "has not quite
+left the Admiralty and has not quite joined the War Office," seems to
+suggest "a kind of giddy harumfrodite--soldier an' sailor too."
+
+The War fosters the study of natural and unnatural history.
+
+[Illustration: FIRST LADY: "That's one of them Australian soldiers."
+
+SECOND LADY: "How do you know?"
+
+FIRST LADY: "Why, can't you see the Kangaroo feathers in his hat?"]
+
+Many early nestings are recorded as the result of mild weather, and at
+least one occasional visitor _(Polonius bombifer_) has laid eggs in
+various parts of the country.
+
+
+
+_March_, 1916.
+
+
+The month of the War god has again justified its name and its traditions.
+Both entry and exit have been leonine. The new submarine "frightfulness"
+began on the 1st, and the battle round Verdun, in which the fate of Paris,
+to say the least, is involved, has raged with unabated fury throughout the
+entire month.
+
+Germany's junior partners, Turkey and Bulgaria, are for the moment more
+concerned with bleeding Germany than with shedding their blood for her;
+Enver Pasha is reported to have gone to pay a visit to the tomb of the
+Prophet at Medina; Portugal, our oldest ally, is now officially at war with
+Germany, and the dogs of frightfulness are already toasting "_der
+Tagus_."
+
+On our share of the Western front there is still what is nominally
+described as a "lull." But, as a young Officer writes, "you must not
+imagine that life here is all honey. Even here we do a bit for our
+eight-and-sixpence." Once upon a time billets were billets. They now very
+often admit of being shelled with equal exactitude from due in front and
+due in rear, and water is laid on throughout. "It is a fact well known to
+all our most widely circulated photographic dailies that the German gunners
+waste a power of ammunition. The only criticism I have to make is that I
+wish they would waste it more carefully. The way they go strewing the stuff
+about around us is such that they're bound to hit someone or something
+before long. Still, we have only two more days in these trenches, and they
+seldom give us more than ten thousand shells a day."
+
+[Illustration: Verdun, February--March, 1916]
+
+Letters from second-lieutenants seldom go beyond a gentle reminder that
+their life is not an Elysium. They offer a strange contrast to the
+activities of Parliamentary grousers and scapegoat hunters. If the Germans
+were in occupation of the Black Country, if Oxford were being daily shelled
+as Rheims is, and if with a favouring breeze London could hear the dull
+rumble of the bombardment as Paris can, one wonders if Members would still
+be encumbering the Order-paper with the vexatious trivialities that now
+find place there, or emitting what a patriotic Labour Member picturesquely
+described as "the croakings and bleatings of the fatted lambs who have
+besmirched their country." _Per contra_ we welcome the optimism of Mr.
+Asquith in discussing new Votes of Credit, though he reminds us of Micawber
+calculating his indebtedness for the benefit of Traddles. It will be
+remembered that when the famous IOU had been handed over, Copperfield
+remarked, "I am persuaded not only that this was quite the same to Mr.
+Micawber as paying the money, but that Traddles himself hardly knew the
+difference until he had had time to think about it." Then we have had the
+surprising but welcome experience of Mr. Tim Healy championing the
+Government against Sir John Simon's attack on the Military Service Bill;
+and have listened to Lord Montagu of Beaulieu's urgent plea in the Lords
+for unity of air control, a proposal which Lord Haldane declared could not
+be adopted without some "violent thinking." Most remarkable of all has been
+Mr. Churchill's intervention in the debate on the Naval Estimates, his
+gloomy review of the situation--Mr. Churchill is always a pessimist when
+out of office--and the marvellous magnanimity of his suggestion that Lord
+Fisher should be reinstated at the Admiralty, on the ground that his former
+antagonist was the only possible First Sea Lord. Mr. Balfour dealt so
+faithfully with these criticisms and suggestions that there seems to be no
+truth in the report that Mr. Churchill has been asked to join the
+Government as Minister of Admonitions. A new and coruscating star has swum
+into our Parliamentary ken in the shape of the Member for Mid-Herts, and
+astronomers have labelled it "Pegasus [Greek: pi beta]." When the House of
+Commons passed the Bill prohibiting duels it ought to have made an
+exception in favour of its own Members. Nothing would have done more to
+raise the tone of debate, for offenders against decorum would gradually
+have eliminated one another. Yet Parliament has its merits, not the least
+of them being the scope it still affords for hereditary talent. Lord Derby,
+at the moment the most prominent man on the Home Front after the Premier,
+is the grandson of the "Rupert of Debate," and the new Minister of Blockade
+enters on his duties close on fifty years after another Lord Robert Cecil
+entered the Cabinet of Lord Derby. So history repeats itself with a
+difference. In spite of the Coalition, or perhaps because of it, the old
+strife of Whigs and Tories has revived, though the lines of cleavage are
+quite different from what they were. Thus the new Tories are the men who
+believe that the War is going to be decided by battles in Flanders and the
+North Sea, and would sacrifice everything for victory, even the privilege
+of abusing the Government. The new Whigs are the men who consider that the
+House of Commons is the decisive arena, and that even the defeat of the
+Germans would be dearly purchased at the cost of the individual's right to
+say and do what he pleased.
+
+[Illustration: "He's kicked the Corporal!"
+
+"He's kicked the Vet.!!"
+
+"He's kicked the Transport Officer!!!"
+
+"He's kicked the Colonel!!!!"
+
+MULE HUMOUR]
+
+[Illustration: THE VICAR: "These Salonikans, Mrs. Stubbs, are, of course,
+the Thessalonians to whom St. Paul wrote his celebrated letters."
+
+MRS. STUBBS: "Well, I 'ope 'e'd better luck with 'is than I 'ave. I sent my
+boy out there three letters and two parcels, and I ain't got no answer to
+'em yet."]
+
+After the exhibition of Mr. Augustus John's portrait of Mr. Lloyd George,
+the most startling personal event of the month has been the dismissal of
+Grand Admiral Tirpitz. According to one account, he resigned because he
+could not take the German Fleet out. According to another, it was because
+he could no longer take the German people in.
+
+At Oxford the Hebdomadal Council have suspended the filling of the
+Professorship of Modern Greek for six months. Apparently there is no one
+about just now who understands the modern Greek. A French correspondent
+puts it somewhat differently: "_La Grèce Antique_: Hellas. _La Grèce
+Moderne_: Hélas!"
+
+
+
+_April, 1916_.
+
+
+Who would have thought when the month opened that at its close a new front
+within the Four Seas would be added to our far-flung line, Dublin's finest
+street half ruined, Ireland placed under martial law? Certainly not Mr.
+Birrell or Mr. Redmond or the Irish Nationalist Members. The staunchest
+Unionist would acquit Mr. William O'Brien of any menace when in the Budget
+Debate, three weeks before the Rebellion of Easter Week, he gave it as his
+opinion that Ireland ought to be omitted from the Budget altogether. So,
+too, with Mr. Tim Healy, whose principal complaint was that the tax on
+railway tickets would put a premium on foreign travel; that people would go
+to Paris instead of Dublin, and Switzerland instead of Killarney. No, so
+far as the Government and Ireland's Parliamentary representatives went, it
+was a bolt from the blue--or the green. Mr. Birrell, Chief Secretary for
+Ireland for nine years, a longer period than any of his predecessors, has
+shown himself conspicuous at once by his absence and his innocence, and
+England in her hour of need, with the submarine peril daily growing and all
+but starved out after a heroic defence, stands to pay dearly for the
+privilege of entrusting the administration of Ireland to an absentee
+humorist.
+
+On the Western front Verdun still rivets all eyes. The German hordes are
+closing in on the fortress, but at a heavier cost for each mile gained than
+they have ever paid before.
+
+Germany's colossal effort would inspire admiration as well as respect if
+she would only fight clean. The ugly stories of her treatment of prisoners
+have now culminated in the terrible record of the typhus-stricken camp at
+Wittenberg, where the German doctors deserted their post.
+
+[Illustration: THE REPUDIATION
+
+Martin Luther (to Shakespeare): "I see my countrymen claim you as one of
+them. You may thank God that you're not that. They have made my
+Wittenberg--ay, and all Germany--to stink in my nostrils."]
+
+[Illustration: THE GRAPES OF VERDUN
+
+THE OLD FOX: "You don't seem to be getting much nearer them?"
+
+THE CUB: "No, Father. Hadn't we better give it out that they're sour?"]
+
+The report of Mr. Justice Younger's Committee, in which the tale of this
+atrocity is fully told, is being circulated in neutral countries, and Mr.
+Will Thorne has suggested that it should also be sent to our conscientious
+objectors. It is well to administer some sort of corrective to the
+information diffused by the neutral newsmonger:
+
+  Who cheers us when we're in the blues,
+  With reassuring German news,
+  Of starving Berliners in queues?
+      The Neutral.
+
+  And then, soon after, tells us they
+  Are feeding nicely all the day,
+  And in the old familiar way?
+      The Neutral.
+
+  Who sees the Kaiser in Berlin,
+  Dejected, haggard, old as sin,
+  And shaking in his hoary skin?
+      The Neutral.
+
+  Then says he's quite a Sunny Jim,
+  That buoyant health and youthful vim
+  Are sticking out all over him?
+      The Neutral.
+
+  Who tells us tales of Krupp's new guns,
+  Much larger than the other ones,
+  And endless trains chock-full of Huns?
+      The Neutral.
+
+  And then, when our last hope has fled,
+  Declares the Huns are either dead
+  Or hopelessly dispirited?
+      The Neutral.
+
+  In short, who seems to be a blend
+  Of Balaam's Ass, the bore's godsend,
+  And _Mrs. Gamp's_ elusive friend?
+      The Neutral.
+
+In Parliament we have had the biggest Budget ever known introduced in the
+shortest Budget speech of the last half-century, at any rate. Mr. Pemberton
+Billing is doing his best every Tuesday to bring the atmosphere of the
+aerodrome into the House. Mr. Tennant has promised his sympathetic
+consideration to Mr. Billing's offer personally to organise raids on the
+enemy's aircraft bases, and the House is bearing up as well as can be
+expected under the shadow of this impending bereavement. Mr. Swift MacNeill
+is busy with his patriotic effort to purge the roll of the Lords of the
+peerages now held by enemy dukes. For the rest, up to Easter Week, the
+Parliamentary situation has been described as "a cabal every afternoon and
+a crisis every second day."
+
+It is one of the strange outcomes of this wonderful time that there is more
+gaiety as well as more suffering in hospitals during the War than in peace.
+Certainly such a request would never have been heard in normal years as
+that recently made by a nurse to a roomful of irrepressible Tommies at a
+private hospital:
+
+"A message has just come in to ask if the hospital will make a little less
+noise as the lady next door has a touch of headache."
+
+For shouting "The Zepps are coming!" a Grimsby girl has been fined £1. It
+was urged in defence that the girl suffered from hallucinations, one being
+that she was a daily newspaper proprietor. But the recent Zeppelin raids
+have not been without their advantages. In a spirit of emulation an
+ambitious hen at Acton has laid an egg weighing 5-1/4 oz.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+VISITOR (at Private Hospital): "Can I see Lieutenant Barker, please?"
+
+MATRON: "We do not allow ordinary visiting. May I ask if you are a
+relative?"
+
+VISITOR (boldly): "Oh, yes! I'm his sister."
+
+MATRON: "Dear me! I'm very glad to meet you. _I'm his mother_."]
+
+
+
+_May, 1916_.
+
+
+Verdun still holds out: that is the best news of the month. The French with
+inexorable logic continue to exact the highest price for the smallest gain
+of ground. If the Germans are ready to give 100,000 men for a hill or part
+of a hill they may have it. If they will give a million men they may
+perhaps have Verdun itself. But so far their Pyrrhic victories have stopped
+short of this limit, and Verdun, like Ypres, battered, ruined and evacuated
+by civilians, remains a symbol of Allied tenacity and the will to resist.
+
+The months in war-time sometimes belie their traditions, but it is fitting
+that in May we should have enlisted a new Ally--the Sun. The Daylight
+Saving Bill became Law on May 17. Here is a true economy, and our only
+regret is that Mr. Willett, the chief promoter of a scheme complacently
+discussed during his lifetime as ingenious but impracticable, should not
+have lived to witness its swift and unmurmuring acceptance under stress of
+war.
+
+The official _communiqués_ from the Irish Front in the earlier stages
+of the Dublin rebellion did not long maintain their roseate complexion.
+Even before the end of April a Secret Session--the second in a week--was
+held to discuss the Irish situation. By a strange coincidence this Secret
+Session immediately followed the grant by the Commons of a Return relating
+to Irish Lunacy accounts. From the meagre official summary we gather that
+the absence of reporters has at least the negative advantage of shortening
+speeches. In a very few days, however, the Prime Minister discarded
+reticence, admitting the gravity of the situation, the prevalence of street
+fighting, the spread of the insurrection in the West, the appointment of
+Sir John Maxwell to the supreme command, and the placing of the Irish
+Government under his orders. The inevitable sequel--the execution of the
+responsible insurrectionist leaders--has led to vehement protests from
+Messrs. Dillon and O'Brien against militarist brutality. The House of
+Commons is a strange place. When Mr. Birrell rose on May 3 to give an
+account of his nine years' stewardship, the Unionists, and not the
+Unionists alone, were thinking of a lamp-post in Whitehall. When he had
+concluded his pathetic apologia and confessed his failure to estimate
+accurately the strength of Sinn Fein, members were almost ready to fall on
+his neck, but they no longer wanted his head.
+
+[Illustration: HELD:]
+
+[Illustration: WANTED--A ST. PATRICK
+
+ST. AUGUSTINE BIRRELL: "I'm afraid I'm not so smart as my brother-saint at
+dealing with this kind of thing. I'm apt to take reptiles too lightly."]
+
+Even Sir Edward Carson admitted that Mr. Birrell had been well intentioned
+and had done his best. By the middle of the month Mr. Asquith had gone to
+Ireland, in the hope of discovering some arrangement for the future which
+would commend itself to all parties. By the 25th he was back in his place
+after nine days in Dublin. But he had no panacea of his own to prescribe;
+no cut-and-dried plan for the regeneration of Ireland. All he could say was
+that Mr. Lloyd George had been deputed by the Cabinet to confer with the
+various Irish leaders, and the choice is generally approved. If anyone
+knows how to handle high explosives without causing a premature concussion
+it should be the Minister of Munitions.
+
+Ireland has dominated the political scene at home, for it is impossible not
+to connect our new commitments across St. George's Channel with the
+introduction and passing of the new Military Service Bill establishing
+compulsion for all men, married or single--always excepting Ireland. The
+question of man-power is paramount. Mr. Asquith is at last convinced that
+"Wait and See" must yield to "Do it Now": that the nation won't have the
+sword of Damocles hanging over its head any longer, but will have
+compulsion in its hand at once. On the progress of the War Mr. Asquith has
+said little in Open Session, but any omission on his part has been made
+good by Mr. Churchill, now home on unlimited leave, who has spoken at great
+length on the proper use of armies.
+
+Mr. Arthur Ponsonby and Mr. Ramsay MacDonald, who raised the question of
+Peace on Empire Day, urging the Government to open negotiations with
+Germany, have elicited from the Foreign Secretary the deliberate statement
+that the only terms of peace which the German Government had ever put
+forward were the terms of victory for Germany, and that we could not reason
+with the German people so long as they were fed with lies.
+
+Mr. Henry James, who so nobly repaid the hospitality England was proud to
+show him by adopting her nationality in her hour of greatest need, said
+shortly before his death that nothing grieved him more than the constant
+loss of England's "best blood, seed and breed." The mothers of England
+"give their sons," but they know that the choice did not rest with them:
+
+  We did not give you--all unasked you went,
+    Sons of a greater motherhood than ours;
+  To our proud hearts your young brief lives were lent,
+    Then swept beyond us by resistless powers.
+  Only we hear, when we have lost our all,
+      That far clear call.
+
+But how can the grief be measured of those
+
+                     Whose best,
+    Eager to serve a higher quest
+  And in the Great Cause know the joy of battle,
+    Gallant and young, by traitor hands,
+    Leagued with a foe from alien lands,
+  Struck down in cold blood, fell like butchered cattle?
+
+Though Ireland is not for the moment a source of humour she contrives to be
+the cause of it in others. A daily paper tells us that Sir Robert Chalmers
+is to be "Permanent Under-Secretary of Ireland _pro tem_." Another
+daily paper, the _Daily Mail,_ to be precise, has discovered a new
+test of valour: "Mr. Hellish, a regular reader of the _Daily Mail_ for
+years, was awarded the V.C. last month for conspicuous bravery."
+
+
+
+_June, 1916_.
+
+
+At last the long vigil in the North Sea has ended in the glorious if
+indecisive battle of Jutland, the greatest sea fight since Trafalgar. Yet
+was it indecisive? After the momentary dismay caused by the first Admiralty
+_communiqué_ with its over-estimate of our losses, public confidence,
+shaken where it was strongest, has been restored by further information and
+by the admissions of the enemy. We have to mourn the loss of many ships,
+still more the loss of splendid ships' companies and their heroic captains.
+We can sympathise with the cruel disappointment of those who, after bearing
+the brunt of the action, were robbed of the opportunity of overwhelming
+their enemy by failing light and the exigencies of a strategy governed in
+the last resort by political caution. But look at the sequel. The German
+Fleet, badly battered, retires to port; and despite the paeans of
+exultation from their Admirals, Kaiser, and Imperial Chancellor, remains
+there throughout the month. Will it ever come out again? Meanwhile,
+Wilhelmshaven is closed indefinitely, and nobody is allowed to see those
+sheep in Wolff's clothing--the "victorious fleet." The true verdict, so
+far as we can judge, may be expressed in homely phrase: The British Navy
+has taken a knock but given a harder one. We can stand it and they can't.
+
+[Illustration: THE LOST CHIEF
+
+In Memory of Field-Marshal Earl Kitchener, Maker of Armies]
+
+Within a week of Jutland the Empire has been stirred to its depths by the
+tragic death of Lord Kitchener in the _Hampshire_, blown up by a mine
+off the Shetlands on her voyage to Archangel. On the eve of starting on his
+mission to Russia his last official act had been to meet his critics of the
+House of Commons face to face, reply to their questions and leave them
+silenced and admiring. On the day of the battle of Jutland these critics
+had moved the Prime Minister to declare that Lord Kitchener was personally
+entitled to the credit for the amazing expansion of the army. Sir Mark
+Sykes, no mean authority, asserted that in Germany our War Secretary was
+feared as a great organiser, while in the East his name was one to conjure
+with; and Sir George Reid, a worthy representative of the Dominions,
+observed that his chief fault was that he was "not clever at circulating
+the cheap coin of calculated civilities which enable inferior men to rise
+to positions to which they are not entitled." These tributes were delivered
+in his lifetime; they deserve to be contrasted with the appreciations of
+those journalists who clamoured for his appointment, then clamoured for his
+dismissal, and profaned his passing with their insincere eulogies. Three
+weeks of Recess elapsed before the Houses could render homage to the
+illustrious dead. In the Lords the debt has been paid by a statesman, Lord
+Lansdowne, a soldier, Lord French, and a friend, Lord Derby. In the Commons
+the speeches were all touched with genuine emotion and the sense of
+personal loss. Through all these various tributes rang the note of duty
+well done, and Mr. Bonar Law did well to remind the House of the sure
+instinct which caused Lord Kitchener to realise at the very outset the
+gigantic nature of the present War. In a sense his loss is irreparable, yet
+his great work was accomplished before he died. Sometimes accused of
+expecting others to achieve the impossible, he had achieved it himself in
+the crowning miracle of his life, the improvisation of the New Armies.
+
+The violation of Greek territory by the Bulgarian troops, as might be
+expected, has not led to any effective protest from King Constantine. On
+the contrary, one seems to hear this benevolent neutral deprecating any
+apology on the part of King Ferdinand: "Please make yourself at home. This
+is Liberty Hall."
+
+It is otherwise with the irruption of the Russians under General Brusiloff.
+His great offensive is a source of offence to the Austrians, who have good
+reason to complain that the "steam-roller" is exceeding the speed limit. Or
+to change the metaphor, the bear and his tormentor have changed places.
+
+Ireland has receded a little from her place in the limelight, and though
+debates on martial law continue, and Irish members ask an inordinate number
+of questions arising out of the hot Easter week in Dublin, the temperature
+is no longer "98 in the shade" as a local wit described it at the time.
+Ministers are extremely economical of information: the anticipated
+settlement still hangs fire, and there are increasing fears that it will
+not hold water.
+
+[Illustration: THE FAR-REACHING EFFECT OF THE RUSSIAN PUSH]
+
+A number of professional fortune-tellers have been fined at Southend for
+having predicted Zeppelins. The fraudulent nature of their pretensions was
+sufficiently manifest, since even the authorities had been unable to
+foresee the Zeppelins until some time after they had arrived.
+
+The discussions in Parliament and out of it of the way in which things get
+into the papers which oughtn't to, are dying down. A daily paper, however,
+has revived them by the headline, "Cabinet leekage." Now, why, in wonder,
+do they spell it in that way?
+
+It is quite impossible to keep pace with all the new incarnations of women
+in war-time--'bus-conductress, ticket-collector, lift-girl, club waitress,
+post-woman, bank clerk, motor-driver, farm-labourer, guide, munition maker.
+There is nothing new in the function of ministering angel: the myriad
+nurses in hospital here or abroad are only carrying out, though in greater
+numbers than ever before, what has always been woman's mission. But
+whenever he sees one of these new citizens, or hears fresh stories of their
+address and ability, Mr. Punch is proud and delighted. Perhaps in the past,
+even in the present, he may have been, or even still is, a little given to
+chaff Englishwomen for some of their foibles, and even their aspirations.
+But he never doubted how splendid they were at heart; he never for a moment
+supposed they would be anything but ready and keen when the hour of need
+struck.
+
+[Illustration: FARMER (who has got a lady-help in the dairy): "'Ullo,
+Missy, what in the world be ye doin'?"
+
+LADY: "Well, you told me to water the cows, and I'm doing it. They don't
+seem to like it much."]
+
+
+
+_July, 1916_.
+
+
+On the home front we have long been accustomed to the sound of guns, small
+and great, but it has come from training camps and inspires confidence
+rather than anxiety. We have been spared the horrors of invasion,
+occupation, wholesale devastation. In certain areas the noise of bombs and
+anti-aircraft guns has grown increasingly familiar, and on our south-east
+and east coasts war from the air, on the sea, and under the sea has become
+more and more audible as the months pass by. But July has brought us a new
+experience--the sound fifty or sixty miles inland in peaceful rural
+England, amid glorious midsummer weather, of the continual throbbing night
+and day of the great guns on the Somme, where our first great offensive
+opened on the 1st, and has continued with solid and substantial gains, some
+set-backs, heavy losses for the Allies, still heavier for the enemy. Names
+of villages and towns, which hitherto have been to most of us mere names on
+the map, have now become luminous through shining deeds of glory and
+sacrifice--Contalmaison and Mametz, Delville Wood, Thiepval and
+Beaumont-Hamel, Serre and Pozières.
+
+The victory, for victory it is, has not been celebrated in the German way.
+England takes her triumphs as she takes defeats, without a sign of having
+turned a hair:
+
+  Yet we are proud because at last, at last
+    We look upon the dawn of our desire;
+  Because the weary waiting-time is passed
+    And we have tried our temper in the fire;
+      And proving word by deed
+  Have kept the faith we pledged to France at need.
+
+  But most because, from mine and desk and mart,
+    Springing to face a task undreamed before,
+  Our men, inspired to play their prentice part
+    Like soldiers lessoned in the school of war,
+      True to their breed and name,
+  Went flawless through the fierce baptismal flame.
+
+  And he who brought these armies into life,
+    And on them set the impress of his will--
+  Could he be moved by sound of mortal strife,
+    There where he lies, their Captain, cold and still
+      Under the shrouding tide,
+  How would his great heart stir and glow with pride!
+
+[Illustration: "TWO HEADS WITH BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT"
+
+FIRST HEAD: "What prospects?" SECOND HEAD: "Rotten." FIRST HEAD: "Same
+here."]
+
+The results of the battle of the Somme are shown in a variety of ways: by
+the reticence and admissions of the German Press, by its efforts to divert
+attention to the exploits of the commercial submarine cruiser
+_Deutschland_; above all, by the Kaiser's fresh explosions of piety.
+"The Devil was sick, the Devil a monk would be." There is no further sign
+of his fleet, which remains crippled by its "victory." Nor can he, still
+less his Ally, draw comfort from the situation on the Russian or Italian
+fronts.
+
+[Illustration: WELL DONE, THE NEW ARMY]
+
+Mr. Punch finds the usual difficulty in getting any details from his
+correspondents when they have been or are in the thick of the fighting.
+Practically all that they have to say is that there was a "damned noise,"
+that breakfast was delayed by the "morning hate," or that an angry sub
+besought a weary O.C. "to ask our gunners not to serve faults into our
+front line wire." One of them, however, a very wise young man, ventures on
+the prediction that the War will last well into 1918. As the result of a
+brief leave he has learned an important truth. "In England they assume that
+you, having just arrived from France, _know_. When you return to
+France, it is assumed that you, having just arrived from England,
+_know_."
+
+In Parliament Ireland is beginning to suffer from a rival in unenviable
+notoriety. Mesopotamia does not smell particularly sweet just now, but that
+may add to its usefulness as a red herring. Geographers are said to have
+some difficulty in defining its exact boundaries, but the Government are
+probably quite convinced that it is situate between the Devil and the Deep
+Sea. Two Special Commissions are to be set up to inquire into the
+Mesopotamian and Dardanelles Expeditions. Public opinion has been painfully
+stirred by the harrowing details which have come to light of the
+preventible sufferings endured by British troops. From their point of view
+the supply of their medical needs, now guaranteed, is worth a wilderness of
+Special Commissions. But Ireland still holds the floor, though Mr. Asquith
+is frugal of information as to the prospective Irish Bill and has
+deprecated discussion of the Hardinge Report, the most scarifying public
+document of our times. The Lords, unembarrassed by any embargo, have
+discussed the Report in a spirit which must make Mr. Birrell thank his
+stars that he got in his confession first. But why, he may ask, should he
+be judged by Lord Hardinge, himself a prospective defendant at the bar of
+public opinion?
+
+Following the lead of a certain section of the Press, certain Members have
+begun to wax vocal on the subject of reprisals, uninterned Aliens, and the
+Hidden Hand. Their appeals to the Home Office to go on the spy-trail have
+not met with much sympathy so far. An alleged Austrian taxi-driver has
+turned out to be a harmless Scotsman with an impediment in his speech. More
+interesting has been the sudden re-emergence of Mr. John Burns. He sank
+without a trace two years ago, but has now bobbed up to denounce the
+proposal to strengthen the Charing Cross railway-bridge. We could have
+wished that he had been ready to "keep the bridge" in another sense; but at
+least he has been a silent Pacificist. Mr. Winston Churchill, when his
+journalistic labours permit, has contributed to the debates, and Lord
+Haldane has again delivered his famous lecture on the defects of English
+education. But for Parliamentary sagacity _in excelsis_ commend us to
+Mr. McCallum Scott. He is seriously perturbed about the shortage of
+sausage-skins and, in spite of the bland assurance of Mr. Harcourt that
+supplies are ample, is alleged to be planning a fresh campaign with the
+assistance of Mr. Hogge. Another shortage has given rise to no anxiety, but
+rather the reverse. In a police court it was recently stated that there are
+no longer any tramps in England. Evidently the appeal of that stirring old
+song, "Tramp! tramp! tramp! the boys are marching," has not been without
+its effect.
+
+[Illustration: CONJURER (unconscious of the approach of hostile aircraft):
+"Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to watch me closely."]
+
+Yet another endurable shortage is reported from the seaside, where an old
+sailor on the local sea front has been lamenting the spiritual starvation
+brought about by the war. "Why," he said, "for the first time for twenty
+years we ain't got no performing fleas down here." And performers, when
+they do come, are not always successful in riveting the attention of their
+audience.
+
+
+
+_August, 1916_.
+
+
+The third year of the War opens well for the Allies; so well that the
+Kaiser has again issued a statement denying that he is responsible for it.
+The Big Push on the Somme goes on steadily, thanks to fine leadership, the
+steadfast heroism of the New Armies, and the loyal co-operation of the
+munition-workers at home, who have deferred their holiday rather than
+hamper their brothers in the trenches by a lessened output.
+
+Here one fact may suffice as a sample. The weekly consumption of high
+explosives by the Army is now between eleven and twelve thousand times as
+much as it was in September, 1914. Yet when a lieutenant is asked to state
+what it is really like being along with the B.E.F. when it is in its
+pushful mood, he sedulously eschews heroics, and will not commit himself to
+saying more than that it's all right--that he doesn't think there is any
+cause for anxiety. "We seem to have ceased to have sensations out here. It
+is a matter of business; the only question is how long is it going to take
+to complete." So, too, with the Tommies. "Wonderful," declares the man in
+the ranks to persistent seekers after thrilling descriptions of war. "You
+never see the like. Across in them trenches there was real soda-water in
+bottles." To return to our lieutenant, he "simply can't help being a little
+sorry for the Boche now that his wild oats are coming home to roost." Even
+his poetic friends, formerly soulful and precious, take this restrained
+view. The Attributes of the Enemy are thus summed up by one trench bard:
+
+  If Boches laughed and Huns were gents,
+  They'd own their share of continents;
+  There'd be no fuss, and, what is more,
+  There wouldn't even be a war.
+  Whereas the end of all this tosh
+  Can only be there'll be no Boche.
+
+[Illustration: THE BIG PUSH
+
+MUNITION WORKER: "Well, I'm not taking a holiday myself just yet, but I'm
+sending these kids of mine for a little trip on the Continent."]
+
+Another poet, an R.F.C. man, adopts the same vein, void alike of hate or
+exultation:
+
+  Returning from my morning fly
+  I met a Fokker in the sky,
+  And, judging from its swift descent,
+  It had a nasty accident.
+  On thinking further of the same
+  I rather fear I was to blame.
+
+It is easy to understand why the enemy nations find England so
+disappointing and unsatisfying to be at war with.
+
+Italy, too, has had her Big Push on the Isonzo, capturing Monte Sabotino,
+which had defied her for fifteen months, and Gorizia--a triumph of
+scientific preparation and intrepid assault. The Austrian poison-gas attack
+on the Asiago plateau has been avenged, and the objectives of the long and
+ineffectual offensive of the previous winter carried with thousands of
+prisoners at a comparatively cheap price. To add to Austria's humiliation
+her armies on the Eastern Front have been placed under the Prussian
+Hindenburg. And Rumania has joined the Allies at the end of what has been a
+very bad month for the Central Empires. English newspapers have been
+excluded from Germany, and Berlin has added truthless to meatless days. But
+the Germans have long since found a substitute for veracity as well as for
+leather and butter and rubber and bread. They are said to have found a
+substitute for International Law, and it is an open secret that they are
+even now in search of a substitute for victory. We might even suggest a few
+more substitutes which have not yet been utilised. As, for example, a
+substitute for Verdun with the German flag flying over it; substitutes for
+several German Colonies; a substitute for Austria as an ally; and
+substitutes for Kultur and Organisation and Efficiency and World Power and
+the Mailed Fist and the Crown Prince and the Kaiser and the War and all the
+things that haven't come off.
+
+Various momentous decisions have been arrived at in Parliament. The Cabinet
+are _not_ to be cinematographed, and unnecessary taxi-whistling is to
+be suppressed, without any prejudice to the squealing of importunate
+chatterers below the gangway. Ireland has again dominated the Parliamentary
+scene; the Nationalists have resumed their freedom of action with attacks
+on Sir John Maxwell and martial law, and are displaying an embarrassing
+industry reminiscent of the 'Eighties. Mr. Ginnell has been removed by
+order of the Speaker; Mr. Duke has succeeded Mr. Birrell; and the
+discussion of three Irish Bills has bulked so large that one might almost
+forget we were at war. In such brief moments as could be spared from Irish
+affairs the Premier has proposed a fresh Vote of Credit for 450 millions,
+has introduced a Bill for extending the life of Parliament, and another
+establishing a new Register. The last has been unmercifully belaboured in
+debate, the Prime Minister himself describing it as "a halting, lopsided,
+temporary makeshift." The apparently insoluble problem is that of enabling
+soldiers in the trenches to exercise the franchise. Soldiers and sailors
+can very well wait for their votes, but not for their money, and the delays
+in providing pensions for discharged men have been condemned by members of
+all parties. So the War is not altogether forgotten by the House. Mr. Lloyd
+George, the new War Secretary, without wasting breath on the pessimistic
+comments of his colleague Mr. Churchill, has given an encouraging survey of
+the general situation. The cry has gone up that Mr. Hughes Must Come Back
+from Australia, and Mr. Swift MacNeill has been rewarded for his
+pertinacity by extracting a promise from Mr. Asquith that he will purge the
+Peerage of its enemy Dukes. Better still is the solemn assurance of the
+Premier that the Government are taking steps to discover the identity of
+all those who are in any way responsible for the judicial murder of Captain
+Fryatt--the worst instance of calculated atrocity against non-combatants
+since the murder of Nurse Cavell.
+
+The education of our New Armies is full of strange and noble surprises. Now
+it is an ex-shop boy converted into an R.H.A. driver. Or again it is a
+Tommy learning to appreciate the heroism of a French peasant woman:
+
+  'Er bloke's out scrappin' with the rest,
+    Pushin' a bay'net in Argonne;
+  She wears 'is photo on 'er breast,
+    "_Mon Jean_," she sez--the French for John.
+
+  She 'ears the guns boom night an' day;
+    She sees the shrapnel burstin' black;
+  The sweaty columns march away,
+    The stretchers bringin' of 'em back.
+
+  She ain't got no war-leggin's on;
+    'Er picture's never in the Press,
+  Out scoutin'. She finds breeks "_no bon_,"
+    An' carries on in last year's dress.
+
+  At dawn she tows a spotty cow
+    To graze upon the village green;
+  She plods for miles be'ind a plough,
+    An' takes our washin' in between.
+
+  She tills a patch o' spuds besides,
+    An' burnt like copper in the sun,
+  She tosses 'ay all day, then rides
+    The 'orse 'ome when the job is done.
+
+  The times is 'ard--I got me woes,
+    With blistered feet an' this an' that,
+  An' she's got 'ers, the good Lord knows,
+    Although she never chews the fat.
+
+  But when the Boche 'as gulped 'is pill,
+    An' crawled 'ome to 'is bloomin' Spree,
+  We'll go upon the bust, we will,
+    Madame an' Monsieur Jean an' me.
+
+Or once more it is the young officer shaving himself in a captured German
+dug-out before an old looking-glass looted from a _château_ by a dead
+German, and apologising to its rightful owner:
+
+  Madame, at the end of this long campaign,
+  When France comes into her own again
+  In the setting where only she can shine,
+  As you in your mirror of rare design--
+       Forgive me, who dare
+       In a German lair
+  To shave in your mirror at Pozières.
+
+Then there are "lonely soldiers" in India, envious of their more fortunate
+comrades in Flanders, and soldiers quite the reverse of lonely during their
+well-earned leave.
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE CAPTAIN: "Your brother is doing splendidly in the Battalion. Before
+long he'll be our best man."
+
+THE SISTER: "Oh, Reginald! Really, this is so very sudden."]
+
+The education of those on the Home Front is also proceeding. There are some
+maids who announce the approach of Zeppelins as if they were ordinary
+visitors. There are others who politely decline to exchange a seat at an
+attic window for the security of the basement.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+MISTRESS (coming to maid's room as the Zeppelins approach): "Jane! Jane!
+Won't you come downstairs with the rest of us?"
+
+LITTLE MAID: "Oh, thank you, Mum, but I can see beautiful from here, Mum."]
+
+According to the German papers Prince Frederick Leopold of Prussia has been
+severely reprimanded by the Kaiser for permitting his wild swine to escape
+from their enclosure and damage neighbouring property. It would be
+interesting to know if Prince Leopold excused himself on the ground that he
+had merely followed the All Highest's distinguished example. When Princes
+are rebuked common editors cannot hope to escape censure. The editor of the
+_Vorwärts_ has again been arrested, the reason given being that the
+newspaper does not truthfully represent Germany's position in the War. If
+the title of the organ is any indication of its contents the charge would
+appear to be more than justified.
+
+
+
+_September, 1916_.
+
+
+"IAN HAY" wrote a fine book on "The First Hundred Thousand"--the first
+batch of Kitchener's Army. Another book, equally glorious, remains to be
+written about another Hundred Thousand--the Sweepers of the Sea. And with
+them are to be reckoned the heroes of the little ships of whom we hear
+naught save the laconic record in a daily paper that "the small steamer
+------ struck a mine yesterday and sank," and that all the crew were lost:
+
+  Who to the deep in ships go down,
+   Great marvels do behold,
+  But comes the day when some must drown
+   In the grey sea and cold.
+  For galleons lost great bells do toll,
+   But now we must implore
+  God's ear for sunken Little Ships
+   Who are not heard of more.
+
+  When ships of war put out to sea,
+   They go with guns and mail,
+  That so the chance may equal be
+   Should foemen them assail;
+  But Little Ships men's errands run,
+   And are not clad for strife;
+  God's mercy, then, on Little Ships
+   Who cannot fight for life.
+
+  To warm and cure, to clothe and feed,
+   They stoutly put to sea,
+  And since that men of them had need
+   Made light of jeopardy;
+  Each in her hour her fate did meet,
+   Nor flinched nor made outcry;
+  God's love be with these Little Ships
+   Who could not choose but die.
+
+  To friar and nun, and every one
+   Who lives to save and tend,
+  Sisters were these whose work is done
+   And cometh thus to end;
+  Full well they knew what risk they ran
+   But still were strong to give;
+  God's grace for all the Little Ships
+   Who died that men might live.
+
+September has brought us good tidings by land and air. Thiepval and Combles
+are ours, and the plague of the Zeppelins has been stayed. The downing of
+the Zepp at Cuffley by Lieutenant Robinson gave North London the most
+thrilling aerial spectacle ever witnessed. There has been much diversity of
+opinion as to the safest place to be in during a Zeppelin raid--under cover
+or in the open, on the top floor or in the basement; but recent experiences
+suggest that by far the most dangerous place on those occasions is in a
+Zeppelin. But perhaps the most momentous event of the month has been the
+coming of the Tanks, a most humorous and formidable addition to the
+_fauna_ of the battlefield--half battleship, half caterpillar--which
+have given the Germans the surprise of their lives, a surprise all the more
+effective for being sudden and complete. The Germans, no doubt, have their
+surprise packets in store for us, but we can safely predict that they are
+not likely to be at once so comic and so efficient as these unlovely but
+painstaking monsters. As an officer at the front writes to a friend: "These
+animals look so dreadfully competent, I am quite sure they can swim. Thus,
+any day now, as you go to your business in the City, you may meet one of
+them trundling up Ludgate Hill, looking like nothing on earth and not
+behaving like a gentleman." As for the relations between the Allies in the
+field the same correspondent contributes some enlightening details. The
+French aren't English and the English aren't French, and difficulties are
+bound to arise. The course of true love never did run smooth. Here it
+started, as it generally does, with a rush; infatuation was succeeded by
+friction, and that in turn by the orthodox aftermath of reconciliation.
+"How do we stand now? We have settled down to one of those attachments
+which have such an eternity before them in the future that they permit of
+no gushing in the present." The War goes well on the Western Front, the
+worst news being the report that the Kaiser has undertaken to refrain in
+future from active participation in the conduct of military operations.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE SWEEPERS OF THE SEA.
+
+MR. PUNCH: "Risky work, isn't it?"
+
+TRAWLER SKIPPER: "That's why there's a hundred thousand of us doin' it."]
+
+Peace reigns at Westminster, where legislators are agreeably conspicuous by
+their absence. But other agencies are active. According to an advertisement
+in the _Nation_ the Fabian Research Department have issued two
+Reports, "together with a Project for a Supernatural Authority that will
+Prevent War." The egg, on the authority of the _Daily Mail_, is
+"disappearing from our breakfast table," but even the humblest of us can
+still enjoy our daily mare's nest. The effect of the Zeppelin on the young
+has already been shown; but even the elderly own its stimulating influence.
+
+
+
+_October, 1916_.
+
+
+Mr. Punch's correspondents at the Front have an incorrigible habit of
+euphemism and levity. Even when things go well they are never betrayed into
+heroics, but adhere to the schoolboy formula of "not half bad," just as in
+the blackest hours they would not admit that things were more than "pretty
+beastly." Yet sometimes they deviate for a moment into really enlightening
+comment. No better summary of the situation as it stands in the third year
+of the War can be given than in the words of the faithful "Watch-dog," who
+has long been on duty in trench and dug-out and crater-hole:--
+
+"This War has ceased to become an occupation befitting a
+gentleman--gentleman, that is, of the true Prussian breed. It was a happy
+and honourable task so long as it consisted of civilising the world at
+large with high explosive, poisonous gas and burning oil, and the world at
+large was not too ready to answer back. To persist in this stern business,
+in face of the foolish and ignoble obstinacy of the adversary, required
+great courage and strength of mind; but the Prussian is essentially
+courageous and strong. Things came to a pretty pass, however, when the
+wicked adversary made himself some guns and shells and took to being stern
+on his own. People who behave like that, especially after they have been
+conquered, are not to be mixed with--anything to keep aloof from such. One
+had to leave Combles, one had to leave Thiepval, one may even have to leave
+Bapaume to avoid the pest; these nasty French and English persons, with
+their disgusting tanks, intrude everywhere nowadays." The German engineer
+is being hoist with his own petard:
+
+  Yet you may suck sweet solace from the thought
+   That not in vain the seed was sown,
+  That half the recent havoc we have wrought
+   Was based on methods all your own;
+  And smile to hear our heavy batteries
+  Pound you with imitation's purest flatteries.
+
+Yet, at best, this is sorry comfort for the Kaiser.
+
+[Illustration: THE REJUVENATING EFFECT OF ZEPPELINS]
+
+It is not a picnic for the men in our front line. Reports that the
+situation is "normal" or "quiet" or "uneventful" represent more or less
+correctly what is happening at G.H.Q., Divisional Headquarters, Brigade
+Headquarters, or even Battalion Headquarters. They represent understatement
+to the _n_th when applied to the front trenches. But listen again to
+the "Watch-dog." He admits that some of our diamonds are not smooth, but
+adds "for myself I welcome every touch of nature in these our warriors. It
+is good to be in the midst of them, for they thrive as never before, and
+their comforts are few enough these wet bloody days."
+
+The Crown Prince, after seven months of ineffective carnage before Verdun,
+has been giving an interview to an American ex-clergyman, representing the
+Hearst anti-British newspapers, in which he appears in the light of a
+tender-hearted philanthropist, longing for peace, mercy, and the delights
+of home-life. Mr. Lloyd George, in an interview with an American
+journalist, has defined our policy as that of delivering a "knock out" to
+Prussian military despotism, a pugilistic metaphor which has wounded some
+of our Pacificists. Our Zeppelin bag is growing; Count Zeppelin has sworn
+to destroy London or die, but now that John Bull is getting his eye in, the
+oath savours of suicide.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE SUNLIGHT-LOSER
+
+KAISER (as his sainted Grandfather's clock strikes three): "The British are
+just putting their clocks back an hour. I wish I could put ours back about
+three years."]
+
+The Allies have presented an ultimatum to Greece, but Mr. Asquith's appeal
+to the traditions of ancient Hellas is wasted on King Constantine, who, if
+he had lived in the days of Marathon and Salamis, would undoubtedly have
+been a pro-Persian. As for his future, Mr. Punch ventures on a prediction:
+
+  Tino, if some day Hellas should arise
+    A phoenix soaring from her present cinders,
+  Think not to share her passage to the skies
+    Or furnish purple copy for her Pindars;
+  You'll be in exile, if you don't take care,
+  Along with brother William, Lord knows where!
+
+A couple of months ago, on the occasion of sharks appearing on the Atlantic
+coast of the U.S.A., it was freely intimated at the fashionable
+watering-places that there was such a thing as being too proud to bathe.
+Now a new and untimely irritant has turned up off the same shores in the
+shape of U-boats. Their advent is all the more inconsiderate in view of the
+impending Presidential Election, at which Mr. Wilson's claim is based on
+having kept America out of the War.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+COMRADES IN VICTORY
+
+Combles, September 26th
+
+POILU: "Bravo, mon vieux!"
+
+TOMMY: "Same to you, mate."]
+
+Members have returned to St. Stephen's refreshed by seven weeks' holiday,
+and the Nationalists have been recruiting their energies, but unfortunately
+nothing else, in Ireland. By way of signalising his restoration, after an
+apology, Mr. Ginnell handed in thirty-nine questions--the fruits of his
+enforced leisure. The woes of the interned Sinn Feiners who have been
+condemned to sleep in a disused distillery at Frongoch have been duly
+brought forward and the House invited to declare that "the system of
+government at present maintained in Ireland is inconsistent with the
+principles for which the Allies are fighting in Europe." The system of
+administration in Ireland is, and always has been, inconsistent with any
+settled principles whatsoever; but to propose such a motion now is
+equivalent to affirming that Ireland is being treated by Great Britain as
+Belgium and Poland and Serbia have been treated by Germany. Mr. Redmond
+made no attempt to prove this absurd thesis, but when he demanded that
+martial law should be withdrawn and the interned rebels let loose in a
+Home-ruled Ireland--while the embers of the rebellion were still
+dangerously smouldering--he asked too much even of that amicable and
+trustful beast, the British Lion. Mr. Duke is not exactly a sparkling
+orator, but he said one thing which needed saying, namely, that Irishmen
+ought to work out a scheme of Home Rule for themselves, and lay it before
+Parliament, instead of expecting Englishmen to do their work for them and
+then complaining of the result. In the division-lobby the Nationalists
+received the assistance of some forty or fifty British Members, who
+supported the motion, Mr. Punch suspects, more out of hatred of the
+Coalition than of love for Ireland. But they were easily out-voted by
+British Home Rulers alone. The impression left by the debate was that the
+Nationalist Members had a great deal more sympathy with the Sinn Feiners
+than they had with the innocent victims of the rebellion.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+MOTHER: "Come away, Jimmy! Maybe it ain't properly stuffed."]
+
+The need of a War propaganda at home is illustrated by the answers to
+correspondents in the _Leeds Mercury_. "Reasonable questions" are
+invited, and here is one of the answers: "T.B.--No, it is not General Sir
+William Robertson, but the Rev. Sir William Robertson Nicoll who edits
+_The British Weekly_." But then, as another journal pathetically
+observes, "About nine-tenths of what we say is of no earthly importance to
+anybody." Further light is thrown on this confession by the claim of an
+Islington applicant for exemption: "Once I was a circus clown, but now I am
+on an evening newspaper."
+
+We are grateful to Russia for her efforts, but, as our artist shows above,
+the plain person is apparently uncertain as to the quality of our Ally.
+
+We are glad to learn that, on the suggestion of Mr. Asquith, the Lord
+Mayor's banquet will be "of a simple nature." Apropos of diet, an officer
+expecting leave writes: "My London programme is fixed; first a Turkish
+bath, and then a nice fried sole." History repeats itself. A fried sole was
+the luxury which officers who served in the Boer War declared that they
+enjoyed most of all after their campaigning.
+
+
+
+_November, 1916._
+
+
+Francis Joseph of Austria has died on the tottering throne which has been
+his for nearly seventy years. In early days he had been hated, but he had
+shown valour. Later on he had shown wisdom, and had been pitied for his
+misfortunes. It was a crowning irony of fate which condemned him in old age
+to become the dupe and tool of an Assassin. He should have died before the
+War--certainly before the tragedy of Sarajevo.
+
+The British Push has extended to the Ancre, and the Crown Prince, reduced
+to the position of a pawn in Hindenburg's game, maintains a precarious hold
+on the remote suburbs of Verdun. Well may he be sick, after nine months of
+futile carnage, of a name which already ranks in renown with Thermopylae.
+
+As the credit of the Crown Prince wanes, so the cult of Hindenburg waxes.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+HINDENBURGITIS; OR, THE PRUSSIAN HOME MADE BEAUTIFUL]
+
+Monastir has been recaptured by the Serbians and French; but Germany has
+had her victories too, and, continuing her warfare against the Red Cross,
+has sunk two hospital ships. Germany's U-boat policy is going to win her
+the War. At least so Marshal Hindenburg says, and the view is shared by
+that surprising person the neutral journalist. But in the meantime it
+subjects the affections of the neutral sailorman to a severe trial.
+
+King Constantine, however, remains unshaken in his devotion to German
+interests. He has also shown marked originality by making up a Cabinet
+exclusively composed of University Professors. But some critics scent in
+his action a hint of compulsory Ministerial Service, and predict Labour
+troubles.
+
+At home we have to note the steady set of the tide of public opinion in
+favour of Food Control. The name of the Dictator is not yet declared, but
+the announcement cannot be long postponed. Whoever he may be, he is not to
+be envied. We have also to note the steady growth on every side of
+Government bungalows--the haunts (if some critics are to be believed) of
+the Great Uncombed, even of the Hidden Hand. The men of forty-one were not
+wanted last March. Mr. Lloyd George tells us that they are wanted now, or
+it would mean the loss of two Army Corps. The Germans, by the way, appear
+to be arriving at a just conception of their relative value. Lord Newton
+has informed the Lords that the enemy is prepared to release 600 English
+civilian prisoners in return for some 4,000 to 7,000 Germans. Parliament
+has developed a new grievance: Ministers have confided to Pressmen
+information denied to M.P.'s. And a cruel wrong has been done to Erin,
+according to Mr. Dillon, by the application of Greenwich time to Ireland,
+by which that country has been compelled to surrender its precious
+privilege of being twenty-five minutes behind the times. The injustice is
+so bitter that it has reconciled Mr. Dillon and Mr. Healy.
+
+The Premier has hinted that if the House insisted on having fuller
+information than it receives at present another Secret Session might be
+held. When one considers the vital problems on which Parliament now
+concentrates its energies--the supply of cocaine to dentists, the
+withholding of pictures of the Tanks, etc.--one feels that there should be
+a Secret Session at least once a week. Indeed, if the House were to sit
+permanently with closed doors, unobserved and unreported, the country might
+be all the better for it.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+A STRAIN ON THE AFFECTIONS
+
+NORWEGIAN (to Swede): "What--you here, too. I thought you were a friend of
+Germany?"
+
+SWEDE: "I was."]
+
+It is the fashion in some quarters to make out that fathers do not realise
+the sacrifice made by their sons, but complacently acquiesce in it while
+they sit comfortably at home over the fire. Mr. Punch has not met these
+fathers. The fathers--and still more the mothers--that he knows recognise
+only too well the unpayable nature of their debt.
+
+  They held, against the storms of fate,
+    In war's tremendous game,
+  A little land inviolate
+    Within a world of flame.
+
+  They looked on scarred and ruined lands,
+    On shell-wrecked fields forlorn,
+  And gave to us, with open hands,
+    Full fields of yellow corn;
+
+  The silence wrought in wood and stone
+    Whose aisles our fathers trod;
+  The pines that stand apart, alone,
+    Like sentinels of God.
+
+  With generous hands they paid the price,
+    Unconscious of the cost,
+  But we must gauge the sacrifice
+    By all that they have lost.
+
+  The joy of young adventurous ways,
+    Of keen and undimmed sight,
+  The eager tramp through sunny days,
+    The dreamless sleep of night,
+
+  The happy hours that come and go,
+    In youth's untiring quest,
+  They gave, because they willed it so,
+    With some light-hearted jest.
+
+  No lavish love of future years,
+    No passionate regret,
+  No gift of sacrifice or tears
+    Can ever pay the debt.
+
+Yet if ever you try to express this indebtedness to the wonderful young men
+who survive, they turn the whole thing into a jest and tell you, for
+example, that only two things really interest them, "Europe and their
+stomachs"--nothing in between matters.
+
+[Illustration: PAT (examining fare): "May the divil destroy the Germans!"
+
+SUB: "Well, they don't do you much harm, anyway. You don't get near enough
+to 'em."
+
+PAT: "Do they not, thin? Have they not kilt all the half-crown officers and
+left nothing but the shillin' ones?"]
+
+Guy Fawkes Day has come and gone without fireworks, pursuant to the Defence
+of the Realm Act. Even Parliament omitted to sit. Apropos of Secret
+Sessions, Lord Northcliffe has been accused of having had one all to
+himself and some five hundred other gentlemen at a club luncheon. The
+_Daily Mail_ describes the debate on the subject as a "gross waste of
+time," which seems to come perilously near _lèse-majesté!_ But then,
+as a writer in the _Evening News_--another Northcliffe paper--safely
+observes, "It is the failing of many people to say what they think without
+thinking."
+
+
+
+_December, 1916_.
+
+
+Rumania has unhappily given Germany the chance of a cheap and spectacular
+triumph--of which, after being badly pounded on the Somme, she was sorely
+in need. Here was a comparatively small nation, whom the Germans could
+crush under their heel as they had crushed Belgium and Serbia. So in
+Rumania they concentrated all the men they could spare from other fronts
+and put them under their best generals. Their first plans were thwarted,
+but eventually the big guns had their way and Bukarest fell. Then, after
+the usual display of bunting and joy-bells in Berlin, was the moment to
+make a noble offer of peace. The German peace overtures remind one of Mr.
+Punch's correspondents of the American advertisement: "If John Robinson,
+with whose wife I eloped six months ago, will take her back, all will be
+forgiven."
+
+The shadowy proposals of those who preach humanity while they practise
+unrestricted frightfulness have not deceived the Allies. They know, and
+have let the enemy know, that they must go on until they have made sure of
+an enduring peace by reducing the Central Empires to impotence for evil.
+
+When Mr. Asquith announced in the House on December 4 the King's approval
+of Reconstruction, few Members guessed that in twenty-four hours he would
+have ceased to be Prime Minister and that Mr. Lloyd George would have begun
+Cabinet-making. There has been much talk of intrigue. But John Bull doesn't
+care who leads the country so long as he leads it to victory. And as for
+Certain People Somewhere in France, we shall probably not be far wrong in
+interpreting their view of the present change as follows:
+
+  Thank God, we keep no politicians here;
+    Fighting's our game, not talking; all we ask
+  Is men and means to face the coming year
+    And consummate our task.
+
+  Give us the strongest leaders you can find,
+    Tory or Liberal, not a toss care we,
+  So they are swift to act and know their mind
+    Too well to wait and see.
+
+[Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE MOCK TURTLE-DOVE
+
+KAISER          }
+                }(breathlessly): "Well?"
+BETHMANN-HOLLWEG}
+
+THE BIRD: "Wouldn't even look at me!"]
+
+The ultimate verdict on Mr. Asquith's services to the State as Prime
+Minister for the first two and a half years of the War will not be founded
+on the Press Campaign which has helped to secure his downfall. But, as one
+of the most bitterly and unjustly assailed ex-Ministers has said, "personal
+reputations must wait till the end of the War." Meanwhile, we have a
+Premier who, whatever his faults, cannot be charged with supineness.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE NEW CONDUCTOR
+
+Opening of the 1917 Overture]
+
+Mr. Bonar Law, the new Leader of the House, has made his first appearance
+as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Moving a further Vote of Credit for 400
+millions, he disclosed the fact that the daily cost of the War was nearer
+six than five millions. In regard to the peace proposals he found himself
+unable to better the late Prime Minister's statement that the Allies would
+require "adequate reparation for the past and adequate security for the
+future." In lucidity and dignity of statement Mr. Asquith was certainly
+above criticism. Lord Devonport has been appointed Food Controller and
+warned us of rigours to come. The most thrilling speech heard at
+Westminster this month has been that of Major Willie Redmond, fresh from
+the invigorating atmosphere of the front. While some seventy odd
+Nationalist Members are mainly occupied in brooding over Ireland's woes,
+two are serving in the trenches--William Redmond and Stephen Gwynn, both of
+them middle-aged men. _O si sic omnes_!
+
+Our wounded need all their patience to put up with the curiosity of
+non-combatants. A lady, after asking a Tommy on leave what the stripes on
+his arm were for, being told that they were one for each time he was
+wounded, is reported to have observed, "Dear me! How extraordinary that you
+should be wounded three times in the same place!" Even real affection is
+not always happily expressed.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+"Have you brought me any souvenirs?"
+
+"Only this little bullet that the doctor took out of my side."
+
+"I wish it had been a German helmet."]
+
+The tenderness with which King Constantine is still treated, even after the
+riot in Athens in which our bluejackets have been badly mishandled, is
+taxing the patience of moderate men. Mr. Punch, for example, exasperated by
+the cumulative effect of Tino's misdeeds, has been goaded into making a
+formidable forecast of surrender or exit:
+
+  You say your single aim is just to use
+    Your regal gifts for your beloved nation;
+  Why, then, I see the obvious line to choose,
+    Meaning, of course, the path of abdication;
+  Make up your so-called mind--I frankly would--
+  To leave your country for your country's good.
+
+The German Emperor was prevented from being present at the funeral of the
+late Emperor Francis Joseph by a chill. One is tempted to think that in a
+lucid interval of self-criticism William of Hohenzollern may have wished to
+spare his aged victim this crowning mockery.
+
+Motto for Meatless Days: "The time is out of joint." This is a _raison de
+plus_ for establishing an _Entente_ in the kitchen and getting
+Marianne to show Britannia how to cook a cabbage.
+
+
+
+_January, 1917_.
+
+
+Though the chariots of War still drive heavily, 1917 finds the Allies in
+good heart--"war-weary but war-hardened." The long agony of Verdun has
+ended in triumph for the French, and Great Britain has answered the Peace
+Talk of Berlin by calling a War Conference of the Empire. The New Year has
+brought us a new Prime Minister, a new Cabinet, a new style of Minister.
+Captains of Commerce are diverted from their own business for the benefit
+of the country. In spite of all rumours to the contrary Lord Northcliffe
+remains outside the new Government, but his interest in it is, at present,
+friendly. It is very well understood, however, that everyone must behave.
+And in this context Mr. Punch feels that a tribute is due to the outgoing
+Premier. Always reserved and intent, he discouraged Press gossip to such a
+degree as actually to have turned the key on the Tenth Muse. Interviewers
+had no chance. He came into office, held it and left it without a single
+concession to Demos' love of personalia.
+
+[Illustration: THE DAWN OF DOUBT
+
+GRETCHEN: "I wonder if this gentleman really is my good angel after all!"]
+
+Germany has not yet changed her Chancellor, though he is being bitterly
+attacked for his "silly ideas of humanity"--and her rulers have certainly
+shown no change of heart. General von Bissing's retirement from Belgium is
+due to health, not repentance. The Kaiser still talks of his "conscience"
+and "courage" in freeing the world from the pressure which weighs upon all.
+He is still the same Kaiser and Constantine the same "Tino," who, as the
+_Berliner Tageblatt_ bluntly remarks, "has as much right to be heard
+as a common criminal." Yet signs are not wanting of misgivings in the
+German people.
+
+Mr. Wilson has launched a new phrase on the world--"Peace without Victory";
+but War is not going to be ended by phrases, and the man who is doing more
+than anyone else to end it--the British infantryman--has no use for them:
+
+  The gunner rides on horseback, he lives in luxury,
+  The sapper has his dug-out as cushy as can be,
+  The flying man's a sportsman, but his home's a long way back,
+  In painted tent or straw-spread barn or cosy little shack;
+  Gunner and sapper and flying man (and each to his job say I)
+  Have tickled the Hun with mine or gun or bombed him from on high,
+  But the quiet work, and the dirty work, since ever the War began,
+  Is the work that never shows at all, the work of the infantryman.
+
+  The guns can pound the villages and smash the trenches in,
+  And the Hun is fain for home again when the T.M.B.s begin,
+  And the Vickers gun is a useful one to sweep a parapet,
+  But the real work is the work that's done with bomb and bayonet.
+  Load him down from heel to crown with tools and grub and kit,
+  He's always there where the fighting is--he's there unless he's hit;
+  Over the mud and the blasted earth he goes where the living can;
+  He's in at the death while he yet has breath, the British   infantryman!
+
+  Trudge and slip on the shell-hole's lip, and fall in the clinging mire--
+  Steady in front, go steady! Close up there! Mind the wire!
+  Double behind where the pathways wind! Jump clear of the ditch, jump
+                clear!
+  Lost touch at the back? Oh, halt in front! And duck when the shells come
+                near!
+  Carrying parties all night long, all day in a muddy trench,
+  With your feet in the wet and your head in the rain and the sodden
+                khaki's stench!
+  Then over the top in the morning, and onward all you can--
+  This is the work that wins the War, the work of the infantryman.
+
+And if anyone should think that this means the permanent establishment of
+militarism in our midst let him be comforted by the saying of an old
+sergeant-major when asked to give a character of one of his men. "He's a
+good man in the trenches, and a good man in a scrap; but you'll never make
+a soldier of him." The new armies fight all the harder because they want to
+make an end not of this war but of all wars. As for the regulars, there is
+no need to enlarge on their valour. But it is pleasant to put on record the
+description of an officer's servant which has reached Mr. Punch from
+France: "Valet, cook, porter, boots, chamber-maid, ostler, carpenter,
+upholsterer, mechanic, inventor, needlewoman, coalheaver, diplomat, barber,
+linguist (home-made), clerk, universal provider, complete pantechnicon and
+infallible bodyguard, he is also a soldier, if a very old soldier, and a
+man of the most human kind."
+
+Parliament is not sitting, but there is, unfortunately, no truth in the
+report that in order to provide billets for 5,000 new typists and
+incidentally to win the War, the Government has commandeered the Houses of
+Parliament. The _Times Literary Supplement_ received 335 books of
+original verse in 1916, and it is rumoured that Mr. Edward Marsh may very
+shortly take up his duties as Minister of Poetry and the Fine Arts. Mr.
+Marsh has not yet decided whether he will appoint Mr. Asquith or Mr.
+Winston Churchill as his private secretary. Meanwhile, a full list of the
+private secretaries of the new private secretaries of the members of the
+new Government may at any moment be disclosed to a long suffering public.
+
+On the Home Front the situation shows that a famous literary critic was
+also a true prophet:
+
+  O Matthew Arnold! You were right:
+  We need more Sweetness and more Light;
+  For till we break the brutal foe,
+  Our sugar's short, our lights are low.
+
+The domestic problem daily grows more acute. A maid, who asked for a rise
+in her wages to which her mistress demurred, explained that the gentleman
+she walked out with had just got a job in a munition factory and she would
+be obliged to dress up to him.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+COOK (who, after interview with prospective mistress, is going to think it
+over):
+
+"'Ullo! Prambilator! If you'd told me you 'ad children I needn't have
+troubled meself to 'ave come."
+
+THE PROSPECTIVE MISTRESS: "Oh! B-but if you think the place would
+otherwise suit you, I dare say we could board the children out."]
+
+Maids are human, however, though their psychology is sometimes
+disconcerting. One who was told by her mistress not to worry because her
+young man had gone into the trenches responded cheerfully, "Oh, no, ma'am,
+I've left off worrying now. He can't walk out with anyone else while he's
+there."
+
+[Illustration: THE RECRUIT WHO TOOK TO IT KINDLY]
+
+
+
+_February_ 1917,
+
+
+The rulers of Germany--the Kaiser and his War-lords--proclaimed themselves
+the enemies of the human race in the first weeks of the War. But it has
+taken two years and a half to break down the apparently inexhaustible
+patience of the greatest of the neutrals. A year and three-quarters has
+elapsed since the sinking of the _Lusitania_. The forbearance of
+President Wilson--in the face of accumulated insults, interference in the
+internal politics of the United States, the promotion of strikes and
+_sabotage_ by the agents of Count Bernstorff--has exposed him to hard
+and even bitter criticism from his countrymen. Perhaps he over-estimated
+the strength of the German-American and Pacificist elements. But his
+difficulties are great, and his long suffering diplomacy has at least this
+merit, that if America enters the War it will be as a united people.
+Germany's decision to resort to unrestricted submarine warfare on February
+1 is the last straw: now even Mr. Henry Ford has offered to place his works
+at the disposal of the American authorities.
+
+Day by day we read long lists of merchant vessels sunk by U-boats, and
+while the Admiralty's reticence on the progress of the anti-submarine
+campaign is legitimate and necessary, the withholding of statistics of new
+construction does not make for optimism. Victory will be ours, but not
+without effort. The great crisis of the War is not passed. That has been
+the burden of all the speeches at the opening of Parliament from the King's
+downward.
+
+Lord Curzon, who declared that we were now approaching "the supreme and
+terrible climax of the War," has spoken of the late Duke of Norfolk as a
+man "diffident about powers which were in excess of the ordinary." Is not
+that true of the British race as a whole? Only now, under the stress of a
+long-drawn-out conflict, is it discovering the variety and strength of its
+latent forces. The tide is turning rapidly in Mesopotamia. General Maude,
+who never failed to inspire the men under his command on the Western front
+with a fine offensive spirit, has already justified his appointment by
+capturing Kut, and starting on a great drive towards Baghdad.
+
+[Illustration: THE LAST THROW]
+
+On the Salonika front, to quote from one of Mr. Punch's ever-increasing
+staff of correspondents, "all our prospects are pleasing and only Bulgar
+vile." On the Western front the British have taken Grandcourt, and our
+"Mudlarks," encamped on an ocean of ooze, preserve a miraculous equanimity
+in spite of the attention of rats and cockroaches and the vagaries of the
+transport mule.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+HEAD OF GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT (in his private room in recently commandeered
+hotel): "Boy! Bring some more coal!"]
+
+At home the commandeering of hotels to house the new Ministries proceeds
+apace, and a request from an inquiring peer for a comprehensive return of
+all the buildings requisitioned and the staffs employed has been declined
+on the ground that to provide it would put too great a strain on officials
+engaged on work essential to winning the War.
+
+The criticisms on the late Cabinet for its bloated size have certainly not
+led to any improvement in this respect, and one of the late Ministers has
+complained that the Administration has been further magnified until, if all
+its members, including under-secretaries, were present, they would fill not
+one but three Treasury Benches. Already this is a much congested district
+at question-time and the daily scene of a great push. Up to the present
+there are, however, only thirty-three actual Ministers of the Crown, and
+their salaries only amount to the trifle of £133,000. The setting up of a
+War Cabinet, "a body utterly unknown to the law," has excited the
+resentment of Mr. Swift MacNeill, whose reverence for the Constitution
+(save in so far as it applies to Ireland) knows no bounds; and Mr. Lynch
+has expressed the view that it would be a good idea if Ireland were
+specially represented at the Peace Conference, in order that her delegates
+might assert her right to self-government.
+
+England, in February, 1917, seems to deserve the title of "the great Loan
+Land." Amateurs of anagrams have found satisfaction in the identity of
+"Bonar Law" with "War Loan B." As a cynic has remarked, "in the midst of
+life we are in debt." But the champions of national economy are not happy.
+The staff of the new Pensions Minister, it is announced, will be over two
+thousand. It is still hoped, however, that there may be a small surplus
+which can be devoted to the needs of disabled soldiers. Our great warriors
+are in danger of being swamped by our small but innumerable officials.
+
+[Illustration: <b>A PLAIN DUTY</b>
+
+"Well, good-bye, old chap, and good luck! I'm going in here to do my bit,
+the best way I can. The more everybody scrapes together for the War Loan,
+the sooner you'll be back from the trenches."]
+
+The older Universities, given over for two years to wounded soldiers and a
+handful of physically unfit or coloured undergraduates, are regaining a
+semblance of life by the housing of cadet battalions in some colleges. The
+Rhodes scholars have all joined up, and normal academic life is still in
+abeyance:
+
+  In Tom his Quad the Bloods no longer flourish;
+    Balliol is bare of all but mild Hindoos;
+  The stalwart oars that Isis used to nourish
+    Are in the trenches giving Fritz the Blues,
+      And many a stout D.D.
+  Is digging trenches with the V.T.C.
+
+[Illustration: The Brothers Tingo, who are exempted from military service,
+do their bit by helping to train ladies who are going on the land.]
+
+It is true that Mr. Bernard Shaw has visited the front. No reason is
+assigned for this rash act, and too little has been made of the fact that
+he wore khaki just like an ordinary person. Amongst other signs of the
+times we note that women are to be licensed as taxi-drivers:
+
+  War has taught the truth that shines
+  Through the poet's noble lines:
+  "Common are to either sex
+  _Artifex and opifex_."
+
+A new danger is involved in the spread of the Army Signalling Alphabet. The
+names of Societies are threatened. The dignity of Degrees is menaced by a
+code which converts B.A. into Beer Ack. Initials are no longer sacred, and
+the great T.P. will become Toc Pip O'Connor, unless some Emma Pip
+introduces a Bill to prevent the sacrilege.
+
+
+
+_March,_ 1917.
+
+
+With the end of Tsardom in Russia, the fall of Baghdad, and the strategic
+retreat of Hindenburg on the Western front, all crowded into one month,
+March fully maintains its reputation for making history at the expense of
+Caesars and Kaisers. It seems only the other day when the Tsar's assumption
+of the title of Generalissimo lent new strength to the legend of the
+"Little Father." But the forces of "unholy Russia"--Pro-German Ministers
+and the sinister figure of Rasputin--have combined to his undoing, and now
+none is so poor to do him reverence. In the House of Commons everybody
+seems pleased, including Mr. Devlin, who has been quite statesmanlike in
+his appreciation, and the Prime Minister, in one of his angelic visits to
+the House, evoked loud cheers by describing the Revolution as one of the
+landmarks in the history of the world. But no one noticed that Sir Henry
+Campbell-Bannerman's outburst in 1906, just after the dissolution of
+Russia's first elected Parliament: "_La Duma est morte; vive la Duma_!
+" has now been justified by the event--at any rate for the moment, for
+Revolutions are rich in surprises and reactions. The capture of Baghdad
+inspires no misgivings, except in the bosoms of Nationalist members, who
+detect in the manifesto issued by General Maude fresh evidences of British
+hypocrisy.
+
+The fleet of Dutch merchantmen, which has been sunk by a waiting submarine,
+sailed under a German guarantee of "relative security." Germany is so often
+misunderstood. It should be obvious by this time that her attitude to
+International Law has always been one of approximate reverence. The shells
+with which she bombarded Rheims Cathedral were contingent shells, and the
+_Lusitania_ was sunk by a relative torpedo. Neutrals all over the
+world, who are smarting just now under a fresh manifestation of Germany's
+respective goodwill, should try to realise before they take any action what
+is the precise situation of our chief enemy: He has (relatively) won the
+War; he has (virtually) broken the resistance of the Allies; he has
+(conditionally) ample supplies for his people; in particular he is
+(morally) rich in potatoes. His finances at first sight appear to be pretty
+heavily involved, but that soon will be adjusted by (hypothetical)
+indemnities; he has enormous (proportional) reserves of men; he has
+(theoretically) blockaded Great Britain, and his final victory is
+(controvertibly) at hand. But his most impressive argument, which cannot
+fail to come home to hesitating Neutrals, is to be found in his latest
+exhibition of offensive power, namely, in his (putative) advance--upon the
+Ancre.
+
+A grave statement made by the Under-Secretary for War as to the recent
+losses of the Royal Flying Corps on the Western front and the increased
+activity of the German airmen has created some natural depression. The
+command of the air fluctuates, but the spirit of our airmen is a sure
+earnest that the balance will be redressed in our favour. Mr. Punch has
+already paid his tribute to the British infantryman. Let him now do his
+homage to the heroes whose end is so often disguised under the laconic
+announcement: "One of our machines did not return."
+
+[Illustration: ALSO RAN
+
+WILHELM: "Are you luring them on, like me?" MEHMED: "I'm afraid I am!"]
+
+  I like to think it did not fall to earth,
+    A wounded bird that trails a broken wing,
+  But to the heavenly blue that gave it birth,
+    Faded in silence, a mysterious thing,
+  Cleaving its radiant course where honour lies
+  Like a winged victory mounting to the skies.
+
+  The clouds received it, and the pathless night;
+    Swift as a flame, its eager force unspent,
+  We saw no limit to its daring flight;
+    Only its pilot knew the way it went,
+  And how it pierced the maze of flickering stars
+  Straight to its goal in the red planet Mars.
+
+  So to the entrance of that fiery gate,
+    Borne by no current, driven by no breeze,
+  Knowing no guide but some compelling fate,
+    Bold navigators of uncharted seas,
+  Courage and youth went proudly sweeping by,
+  To win the unchallenged freedom of the sky.
+
+Parliament has been occupied with many matters, from the Report of the
+Dardanelles Commission to the grievances of Scots bee-keepers. The woes of
+Ireland have not been forgotten, and the Nationalists have been busily
+engaged in getting Home Rule out of cold storage. Hitherto every attempt of
+the British Sisyphus to roll the Stone of Destiny up the Hill of Tara has
+found a couple of Irishmen at the top ready to roll it down again. Let us
+hope that this time they will co-operate to install it there as the throne
+of a loyal and united Ireland. Believers in the "Hidden Hand" have been on
+the war-path, and as a result of prolonged discussion as to the
+responsibility for the failure of the effort to force the Dardanelles, the
+House is evidently of opinion that Lord Fisher might now be let alone by
+foes and friends. The idea of blaming _Queen Elisabeth_ for the fiasco
+is so entirely satisfactory to all parties concerned that one wonders why
+the Commission couldn't have thought of that itself.
+
+[Illustration: THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE]
+
+Mr. Bernard Shaw, returned from his "joy-ride" at the Front, has declared
+that "there is no monument more enduring than brass"; the general feeling,
+however, is that there is a kind of brass that is beyond enduring.
+Armageddon is justified since it has given him a perfectly glorious time.
+He is obliged, in honesty, to state that the style of some of the buildings
+wrecked by the Germans was quite second rate. He entered and emerged from
+the battle zone without any vulgar emotion; remaining immune from pity,
+sorrow, or tears. In short:
+
+  He went through the fiery furnace, but never a hair was missed
+  From the heels of our most colossal Arch-Super-Egotist.
+
+According to the latest news from Sofia, 35,000 Bulgarian geese are to be
+allowed to go to Germany. As in the case of the Bulgarian Fox who went to
+Vienna, there appears to be little likelihood that they will ever return.
+
+[Illustration: FOOD RESTRICTION
+
+SCENE: HOTEL.
+
+LITTLE GIRL: "Oh, Mummy! They've given me a dirty plate."
+
+MOTHER: "Hush, darling. That's the soup."]
+
+Apropos of food supplies, Lord Devonport has developed a sense of judicial
+humour, having approved a new dietary for prisoners, under which the bread
+ration will be cut down to 63 ounces per week, or just one ounce less than
+the allowance of the free and independent Englishman. The latest morning
+greeting is now: "_Comment vous Devonportez-vous?_"
+
+
+
+_April_, 1917.
+
+
+Once more the rulers of Germany have failed to read the soul of another
+nation. They thought there was no limit to America's forbearance, and they
+thought wrong. America is now "all in" on the side of the Allies. The Stars
+and Stripes and the Union Jack are flying side by side over the Houses of
+Parliament. On the motion introduced in both Houses to welcome our new
+Ally, Mr. Bonar Law, paraphrasing Canning, declared that the New World had
+stepped in to redress the balance of the old; Mr. Asquith, with a
+fellow-feeling, no doubt, lauded the patience which had enabled President
+Wilson to carry with him a united nation; and Lord Curzon quoted Bret
+Harte. The memory of some unfortunate phrases is obliterated by the
+President's historic message to Congress, and his stirring appeal to his
+countrymen to throw their entire weight into the Allied scale. The War,
+physically as well as morally, is now _Germania contra Mundum_. Yet,
+while we hail the advent of a powerful and determined Ally, there is no
+disposition to throw up our hats. The raw material of manpower in America
+is magnificent in numbers and quality, but it has to be equipped and
+trained and brought across the Atlantic. Many months, perhaps a whole year,
+must elapse before its weight can be felt on the battle front. The
+transport of a million men over submarine-infested seas is no easy task.
+But while we must wait for the coming of the Americans on land, their help
+in patrolling the seas may be counted on speedily.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE NEW-COMER: "My village, I think?"
+
+THE ONE IN POSSESSION: "Sorry, old thing; I took it half-an-hour ago."]
+
+[Illustration: SWOOPING FROM THE WEST
+
+(_It is the intention of our new Ally to assist us in the patrolling of
+the Atlantic_.)]
+
+The British have entered Péronne; the Canadians have captured Vimy Ridge.
+But the full extent of German frightfulness has never been so clearly
+displayed as in their retreat. Here, for once, the German account of their
+own doings is true. "In the course of these last months great stretches of
+French territory have been turned by us into a dead country. It varies in
+width from 10 to 12 or 13 kilometres, and extends along the whole of our
+new positions. No village or farm was left standing, no road was left
+passable, no railway track or embankment was left in being. Where once were
+woods, there are gaunt rows of stumps; the wells have been blown up.... In
+front of our new positions runs, like a gigantic ribbon, our Empire of
+Death" (_Lokal Anzeiger_, March 18, 1917). The general opinion of the
+Boche among the British troops is that he is only good at one thing, and
+that is destroying other people's property. One of Mr. Punch's
+correspondents writes to say that while the flattened villages and severed
+fruit trees are a gruesome spectacle, for him "all else was forgotten in
+speechless admiration of the French people.
+
+"Their self-restraint and adaptability are beyond words. These hundreds of
+honest people, just relieved from the domineering of the Master Swine, and
+restored to their own good France again, were neither hysterical nor
+exhausted." The names of the new German lines--Wotan and Siegfried and
+Hunding--are not without significance. We accept the omen: it will not be
+long before we hear of fresh German activities in the _Götterdämmerung_
+line. Count Reventlow has informed the Kaiser that without victory a
+continuation of the Monarchy is improbable. The "repercussion" of
+Revolution is making itself felt. Even the Crown Prince is reported
+to have felt misgivings as to the infection of anti-monarchial ideas,
+and Mr. Punch is moved to forecast possibilities of upheaval:
+
+  Not that the Teuton's stolid wits
+    Are built to plan so rude a plot;
+  Somehow I cannot picture Fritz
+    Careering as a _sans-culotte_;
+  Schooled to obedience, hand and heart,
+    I can imagine nothing odder
+  Than such behaviour on the part
+    Of inoffensive cannon-fodder.
+
+  And yet one never really knows.
+    You cannot feed his massive trunk
+  On fairy tales of beaten foes,
+    Or Hindenburg's "victorious" bunk;
+  And if his rations run too short
+    Through this accursed British blockade,
+  Even the worm may turn and sport
+    A revolutionary cockade.
+
+On the German Roll of Dishonour this month appears the name of one who has
+been _grande et conspicuum nostro quoque tempore monstrum_. Baron
+Moritz Ferdinand von Bissing, the German Military Governor-General of
+Belgium, who was largely responsible for the murder of Nurse Cavell and the
+chief instigator of the infamous Belgian deportations, after being granted
+a rest from his labours, is reported to have died "of overwork." Here for
+once we find ourselves in perfect agreement with the official German view.
+In a recent character sketch of the deceased Baron, the _Cologne
+Gazette_ observed, "He is a fine musician, and his execution was good."
+It would have been.
+
+The proceedings in Parliament do not call for extended comment. Mr. Asquith
+has handsomely recanted his hostility to women's suffrage, admitting that
+by their splendid services in the war women have worked out their own
+electoral salvation. An old spelling-book used to tell us that "it is
+agreeable to watch the unparalleled embarrassment of a harassed pedlar when
+gauging the symmetry of a peeled pear." Lord Devonport, occupied in
+deciding on the exact architecture and decoration of the Bath bun (official
+sealed pattern), would make a companion picture. For the rest the House has
+been occupied with the mysteries of combing and re-combing. The best War
+saying of the month was that of Mr. Swift MacNeill, in reference to
+proposed peace overtures, that it would be time enough to talk about peace
+when the Germans ceased to blow up hospital ships.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+DYNASTIC AMENITIES
+
+LITTLE WILLIE (of Prussia): "As one Crown Prince to another, isn't your
+Hindenburg line getting a bit shaky?"
+
+RUPPRECHT (of Bavaria): "Well, as one Crown Prince to another, what about
+your Hohenzollern line?"]
+
+Although the streets may have been sweetened by the absence of posters,
+days will come, it must be remembered, when we shall badly miss them. It
+goes painfully to one's heart to think that the embargo, if it is ever
+lifted, will not be lifted in time for most of the events which we all most
+desire--events that clamour to be recorded in the largest black type, such
+as "Strasbourg French Again," "Flight of the Crown Prince," "Revolution in
+Germany," "The Kaiser a Captive," and last and best of all, "Peace." But
+Mr. Punch, with many others, has no sympathy to spare for the sorrows of
+the headline artist deprived for the time being of his chief opportunity of
+scaremongering.
+
+In the competition of heroism and self-sacrifice the prize must fall to the
+young--to the Tommy and the Second Lieutenant before all. Yet a very good
+mark is due to the retired Admirals who have accepted commissions in the
+R.N.R., and are mine-sweeping or submarine-hunting in command of trawlers.
+Yes, "Captain Dug-out, R.N.R.," is a fine disproof of _si vieillesse
+pouvait_.
+
+[Illustration: TORPEDOED MINE-SWEEPER (to his pal): "As I was a-saying,
+Bob, when we was interrupted, it's my belief as 'ow the submarine blokes
+ain't on 'arf as risky a job as the boys in the airy-o-planes."]
+
+According to the _Pall Mall Gazette_, Mr. Lloyd George's double was
+seen at Cardiff the other day. The suggestion that there are two Lloyd
+Georges has caused consternation among the German Headquarters Staff. But
+we are not exempt from troubles and anxieties in England. The bones of a
+woolly rhinoceros have been dug up twenty-three feet below the surface at
+High Wycombe, and very strong language has been used in the locality
+concerning this gross example of food-hoarding. The weather, too, has been
+behaving oddly. On one day of Eastertide there was an inch of snow in
+Liverpool, followed by hailstones, lightning, thunder, and a gale of wind.
+Summer has certainly arrived very early. But at least we are to be spared a
+General Election this year--for fear that it might clash with the other
+War.
+
+
+
+_May_, 1917.
+
+
+In England, once but no longer merry though not downhearted, in this once
+merry month of May, the question of Food and Food Production now dominates
+all others. It is the one subject that the House of Commons seems to care
+about. John Bull, who has invested a mint of money in other lands, realises
+that it is high time that he put something into his own--in the shape of
+Corn Bounties. Mr. Prothero, in moving the second reading of the Corn
+Production Bill, while admitting that he had originally been opposed to
+State interference with agriculture, showed all the zeal of the convert--to
+the dismay of the hard-shell Free Traders.
+
+The Food Controller asks us to curtail our consumption of bread by
+one-fourth. Here, at least, non-combatants have an opportunity of showing
+themselves to be as good patriots as the Germans and of earning the
+epitaph: "Much as he loved the staff of life, he loved his country even
+more."
+
+[Illustration: "No, dear, I'm afraid we shan't be at the dance to-night.
+Poor Herbert has got a touch of allotment feet."]
+
+On the Western Front the German soldiers' opinion of "retirement according
+to plan" may be expressed as "each for himself and the Devil take the
+Hindenburg." One of them, recently taken prisoner, actually wrote, "When we
+go to the Front we become the worst criminals." This generous attempt to
+shield his superiors deserves to be appreciated, but it does not dispel the
+belief that the worst criminals are still a good way behind the German
+lines. The inspired German Press has now got to the point of asserting that
+"there is no Hindenburg line." Well, that implies prophetic sense:
+
+  And if a British prophet may
+    Adopt their graphic present tense,
+  I would remark--and so forestall
+    A truth they'll never dare to trench on--
+  _There is no Hindenburg at all,
+    Or none worth mention_.
+
+According to our Watch Dog correspondent, recent movements show that the
+lawless German "has attained little by his destructiveness save the
+discomfort of H.Q. Otherwise the War progresses as merrily as ever; more
+merrily, perhaps, owing to the difficulties to be overcome. Soldiers love
+difficulties to overcome. That is their business in life." This is the way
+that young officers write "in the brief interludes snatched from hard
+fighting and hard fatigues." Their letters "never pretend to be more than
+the gay and cynical banter of those who bring to the perils of life at the
+Front an incurable habit of humour, and they are typical of that brave
+spirit, essentially English, that makes light of the worst that fate can
+send." That is how one brave officer wrote of the letters of a dead comrade
+to _Punch_ only a few weeks before his own death.
+
+[Illustration: A BAD DREAM
+
+SPECTRE: "Well, if you don't like the look of me, eat less bread."]
+
+The French have taken Craonne; saluting has been abolished in the Russian
+Army; and Germany has been giving practical proof of her friendliness to
+Spain by torpedoing her merchant ships. A new star has swum into the
+Revolutionary firmament, by name Lenin. According to the Swedish Press this
+interesting anarchist has been missing for two days, and it remains to be
+seen if he will yet make a hit. Meanwhile the Kaiser is doing his bit in
+the unfamiliar rôle of pro-Socialist.
+
+Newmarket has become "a blasted heath," all horse-racing having been
+stopped, to the great dismay of the Irish members. What are the hundred
+thousand young men (or is it two?), who refuse to fight for their country,
+to do? Mr. Lloyd George has produced and expounded his plan for an Irish
+Convention, at which Erin is to take a turn at her own harp, and the
+proposal has been favourably received, except by Mr. Ginnell, in whose ears
+the Convention "sounds the dirge of the Home Rule Act."
+
+[Illustration: HIS LATEST!
+
+THE KAISER: "This is sorry work for a Hohenzollern; still, necessity knows
+no traditions."]
+
+
+_A Garden Glorified_
+
+Mr. Bonar Law has brought in a Budget, moved a vote of credit for 500
+millions, and apologised for estimating the war expenditure at 5 1/2
+millions a day when it turned out to be 7 1/2. The trivial lapse has
+been handsomely condoned by his predecessor, Mr. McKenna. The Budget
+debate was held with open doors, but produced a number of speeches much
+more suitable for the Secret Session which followed, and at which it
+appears from the Speaker's Report that nothing sensational was revealed.
+
+The House of Commons, unchanged externally, has deteriorated spiritually,
+to judge by the temper of most of those who have remained behind. It is
+otherwise with other Institutions, some of which have been ennobled by
+disfigurement.
+
+  A PLACE OF ARMS
+
+  I knew a garden green and fair,
+    Flanking our London river's tide,
+  And you would think, to breathe its air
+    And roam its virgin lawns beside,
+  All shimmering in their velvet fleece,
+  "Nothing can hurt this haunt of Peace."
+
+  No trespass marred that close retreat;
+    Privileged were the few that went
+  Pacing its walks with measured beat
+    On legal contemplation bent;
+  And Inner Templars used to say:
+  "How well our garden looks to-day!"
+
+  But That which changes all has changed
+    This guarded pleasaunce, green and fair,
+  And soldier-ranks therein have ranged
+    And trod its beauties hard and bare,
+  Have tramped and tramped its fretted floor,
+  Learning the discipline of War.
+
+  And many a moon of Peace shall climb
+    Above that mimic field of Mars,
+  Before the healing touch of Time
+    With springing green shall hide its scars;
+  But Inner Templars smile and say:
+  "Our barrack-square looks well to-day!"
+
+  Good was that garden in their eyes,
+    Lovely its spell of long-ago;
+  Now waste and mired its glory lies,
+    And yet they hold it dearer so,
+  Who see beneath the wounds it bears
+  A grace no other garden wears.
+
+  For still the memory, never sere,
+    But fresh as after fallen rain,
+  Of those who learned their lesson here
+    And may not ever come again,
+  Gives to this garden, bruised and browned,
+  A greenness as of hallowed ground.
+
+News comes from Athens that King Constantine is realising his position and
+contemplates abdication in favour of the Crown Prince George. It is not yet
+known in whose favour the Crown Prince George will abdicate. In this
+context the _Kölnische Zeitung_ is worth quoting. "The German people,"
+it says, "will not soon forget what they owe to their future Emperor." This
+spasm of candour is not confined to the Rhineland. The keenest minds in
+Germany, says a Berlin correspondent, are now seeking to discover the
+secret of the Fatherland's world-wide unpopularity. It is this absurd
+sensitiveness on the part of our cultured opponent that is causing some of
+her best friends in this country to lose hope.
+
+Genius has been denned as an infinite capacity for taking pains; and if the
+definition is sound, genius cannot be denied to the painstaking officials
+who test the physical fitness of recruits--"as in the picture."
+
+The month has witnessed the amendment of the President's much discussed
+phrase: "Too proud to fight" has now become "Proud to fight too." Another
+revised version is suggested by Margarine: _C'est magnifique, mais ce
+n'est pas le beurre_. The German Food Controller laments the mysterious
+disappearance of five million four hundred thousand pigs this year. The
+idea of having the Crown Prince's baggage searched does not seem to have
+been found feasible.
+
+[Illustration: OUR PERSEVERING OFFICIALS
+
+Or, the Recruit that was passed at the thirteenth examination.]
+
+
+
+_June_, 1917.
+
+
+Within some eleven weeks of the Declaration of War by the U.S.A., the first
+American troops have been landed in France. Even the Kaiser has begun to
+abate his thrasonic tone, declaring that "it is not the Prussian way to
+praise oneself," and that "it is now a matter of holding out, however long
+it lasts."
+
+But other events besides the arrival of the Americans have helped to bring
+about this altered tone. The capture of Messines Ridge, after the biggest
+bang in history, has given him something to think about. His
+brother-in-law, Constantine of Greece, has at last thrown up the sponge and
+abdicated. "Tino's" place of exile is not yet fixed. The odds seem to be on
+Switzerland, but Mr. Punch recommends Denmark. There is no place like home:
+
+  Try some ancestral palace, well appointed;
+    For choice the one where Hamlet nursed his spite,
+  Who found the times had grown a bit disjointed
+    And he was not the man to put 'em right;
+  And there consult on that enchanted shore
+        The ghosts of Elsinore.
+
+Brazil has also entered the War, and Germany is now able to shoot in almost
+any direction without any appreciable risk of hitting a friend.
+
+Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig gave the nation a birthday present on his
+own birthday, in the shape of a dispatch which is as strong and straight as
+himself:
+
+  Frugal in speech, yet more than once impelled
+    To utter words of confidence and cheer
+  Whereat some dismal publicists rebelled
+    As premature, ill-founded, insincere--
+  Words none the less triumphantly upheld
+    By Victory's verdict, resonantly clear,
+  Words that inspired misgiving in the foe
+    Because you do not prophesy--you _know_.
+
+  Steadfast and calm, unmoved by blame or praise,
+    By local checks or Fortune's strange caprices,
+  You dedicate laborious nights and days
+    To shattering the Hun machine to pieces;
+  And howsoe'er at times the battle sways
+    The Army's trust in your command increases;
+  Patient in preparation, swift in deed,
+  We find in you the leader that we need.
+
+[Illustration: A WORD OF ILL OMEN
+
+CROWN PRINCE (to Kaiser, drafting his next speech): "For Gott's sake,
+father, be careful this time, and don't call the American Army
+'contemptible.'"]
+
+A new feature of the German armies are the special "storm-troops"; men
+picked for their youth, vigour, and daring, and fortified by a specially
+liberal diet for the carrying out of counter-attacks. Even our ordinary
+British soldiers, who are constantly compelled to take these brave fellows
+prisoners, bear witness to the ferocity of their appearance.
+
+On our Home Front the Germans have shown considerable activity of late.
+Daylight air-raids are no longer the monopoly of the South-east coast; they
+have extended to London. And a weekly paper, conspicuous for the insistence
+with which it proclaims its superiority to all others, has been asking: If
+17 German aeroplanes can visit and bomb London in broad daylight, what is
+to prevent our enemy from sending 170 or even 1,700? Fortunately the
+average man and woman pays no heed to this scare-mongering, and goes about
+his or her business, if not rejoicing, at any rate in the conviction that
+the Gothas are not going to have it all their own way.
+
+Considering that the "Fort of London" had been drenched with the "ghastly
+dew" of aerial navies barely three hours before Parliament met on June 13,
+Members showed themselves uncommon calm. They were at their best a few days
+earlier in paying homage to Major Willie Redmond. It had been his ambition
+to be Father of the House: he had been elected thirty-four years ago; but
+in reality he was the Eternal Boy from the far-off time when it was his
+nightly delight to "cheek" Mr. Speaker Brand with delightful exuberance
+until the moment of his glorious death in Flanders, whither he had gone at
+an age when most of his compeers were content to play the critic in a snug
+corner of the smoking-room. Personal affection combined with admiration for
+his gallantry to inspire the speeches in which Mr. Lloyd George, Mr.
+Asquith, and Sir Edward Carson enshrined the most remarkable tribute ever
+paid to a private Member.
+
+Mr. Balfour has returned safe and sound from his Mission to the States, and
+received a warm welcome on all sides. Even the ranks of Tuscany, on the
+Irish benches, could not forbear to cheer their old opponent. Besides
+securing American gold for his country, he has transferred some American
+bronze to his complexion. If anything, he appears to have sharpened his
+natural faculty for skilful evasion and polite repartee by his encounter
+with Transatlantic journalists. In fact everybody is pleased to see him
+back except perhaps certain curious members, who find him even more chary
+of information than his deputy, Lord Robert Cecil. The mystery of Lord
+Northcliffe's visit to the States has been cleared up. Certain journals,
+believed to enjoy his confidence, had described him as "Mr. Balfour's
+successor." Certain other journals, whose confidence he does not enjoy, had
+declined to believe this. The fact as stated by Mr. Bonar Law is that "it
+is hoped that Lord Northcliffe will be able to carry on the work begun by
+Mr. Balfour as head of the British Mission in America. He is expected to
+co-ordinate and supervise the work of all the Departmental Missions." It
+has been interesting to learn that his lordship "will have the right of
+communicating direct with the Prime Minister"--a thing which, of course, he
+has never done before. Meanwhile, the fact remains that his departure has
+been hailed with many a dry eye, and that the public seem to be enduring
+their temporary bereavement with fortitude.
+
+[Illustration: MRS. GREEN TO MRS. JONES (who is gazing at an aeroplane):
+"My word! I shouldn't care for one of _them_ flying things to settle
+on me."]
+
+Far too much fuss has been made about trying to stop Messrs. Ramsay
+MacDonald and Jowett from leaving England. So far as we can gather they did
+not threaten to return to this country afterwards. There is no end to the
+woes of Pacificists, conscientious or otherwise. The Press campaign against
+young men of military age engaged in Government offices is causing some of
+them sleepless days. Even on the stage the "conchy" is not safe.
+
+[Illustration: STAGE MANAGER: "The elephant's putting in a very spirited
+performance to-night."
+
+CARPENTER. "Yessir. You see, the new hind-legs is a discharged soldier, and
+the front legs is an out-and-out pacificist."]
+
+The King has done a popular act in abolishing the German titles held by
+members of his family, and Mr. Kennedy Jones has won widespread approval by
+declaring that beer is a food.
+
+Lord Devonport's retirement from the post of Food Controller has been
+received with equanimity. There is a touch of imagination, almost of
+romance, in the appointment of his successor, the redoubtable Lord Rhondda,
+who as "D.A." was alternately the bogy and idol of the Welsh miners, and
+who, after being the head of the greatest profit-making enterprise in the
+Welsh coalfields, is now summoned to carry on war against the profiteers in
+the provision trade.
+
+In Germany a number of lunatics have been called up for military service,
+and the annual report of one institution at Stettin states that "the
+asylums are proud that their inmates are allowed to serve their
+Fatherland." It appears, however, that the results are not always
+satisfactory, though no complaints have been heard on our side.
+
+
+
+_July_, 1917.
+
+
+The War, so Lord Northcliffe has informed the Washington Red Cross
+Committee, has only just begun. Whether this utterance be regarded as a
+statement of fact or an explosion of rhetoric, it has at least one merit.
+The United States cannot but regard it as a happy coincidence that their
+entry into the War synchronises with the initial operations. The dog-days
+are always busy times for the Dogs of War, and the last month of the third
+year opened with the new Russian Offensive under Brusiloff, and closed with
+the beginning of the Third Battle of Ypres. The War in the air and under
+the sea rages with unabated intensity, and in both Houses the policy of
+unmitigated reprisals on German cities has found strenuous advocates. But
+Lord Derby, our new Minister of War, will have none of it. British
+aeroplanes shall only be employed in bombing where some distinctly military
+object is to be achieved. But this decision does not involve any slackness
+in defensive measures. We have learned how to deal with the Zepp, and now
+we are going to attend to the Gotha. As for the U-boats, the Admiralty says
+little but does much. And we are adding to vigilance, valour, and the
+resources of applied science the further aid of agriculture.
+
+In the old days the Kaiser was once described as "indefatigably changing
+Chancellors and uniforms." Dr. Bethmann-Hollweg has now gone the way of his
+greater predecessors--Bismarck and Caprivi, Prince Hohenlohe and Prince
+Bülow.
+
+[Illustration: THE TUBER'S REPARTEE
+
+GERMAN PIRATE; "Gott strafe England!"
+
+BRITISH POTATO: "Tuber über Alles!"]
+
+The Princes and the Peers depart, and the Doctors are following suit.
+Bethmann-Hollweg, immortalised by one fatal phrase, has been at last hunted
+from office by the extremists whom he sought to restrain, and Dr.
+Michaelis, a second-rate administrator, of negligible antecedents, succeeds
+to his uneasy chair, while the Kaiser maintains his pose as the friend of
+the people. He has congratulated his Bayreuth Dragoons on their prowess,
+which has given joy "to old Fritz up in Elysian fields":
+
+  Perhaps; but what if he is down below?
+  In any case, what we should like to know
+  Is how his modern namesake, Private Fritz,
+  Enjoys the fun of being blown to bits
+  Because his Emperor has lost his wits.
+
+[Illustration: THE SCRAPPER SCRAPPED]
+
+_Delirant reges_: but there are bright exceptions. On July 17 our King
+in Council decreed that the Royal House should be known henceforth as the
+House of Windsor. Parliament has been flooded with the backwash of the
+Mesopotamia Commission, and at last on third thoughts the Government has
+decided not to set up a new tribunal to try the persons affected by the
+Report. Mr. Austen Chamberlain has resigned office amid general regret. The
+Government have refused, "on the representations of the Foreign Secretary,"
+to accept the twice proffered resignation of Lord Hardinge. The plain
+person is driven to the conclusion that if there are no unsinkable ships
+there are some unsinkable officials. For the rest the question mainly
+agitating Members has been "to warn or not to warn." The Lord Mayor has
+announced that he will not ring the great bell of St. Paul's; but the Home
+Secretary states that the public will be warned in future when an air raid
+is actually imminent.
+
+[Illustration: BUSY CITY MAN TO HIS PARTNER (as one of the new air-raid
+warnings gets to work): "If you'll leave me in here for the warnings I'll
+carry on while you take shelter during the raids."]
+
+During these visitations there is nothing handier than a comfortable and
+capacious Cave, but the Home Secretary has his limitations. When Mr. King
+asked him to be more careful about interning alien friends without trial,
+since he (Mr. King) had just heard of the great reception accorded in
+Petrograd to one Trotsky on his release from internment, Sir George Cave
+replied that he was sorry he had never heard of Trotsky.
+
+Lord Rhondda reigns in Lord Devonport's place, and will doubtless profit by
+his predecessor's experience. It is a thankless job, but the great body of
+the nation is determined that he shall have fair play and will support him
+through thick and thin in any policy, however drastic, that he may
+recommend to their reason and their patriotism. This business of
+food-controlling is new to us as well as to him, but we are willing to be
+led, and we are even willing to be driven, and we are grateful to him for
+having engaged his reputation and skill and firmness in the task of leading
+or driving us.
+
+The War has its _grandes heures_, its colossal glories and disasters,
+but the tragedy of the "little things" affects the mind of the simple
+soldier with a peculiar force--the "little gardens rooted up, the same as
+might be ours"; "the little 'ouses all in 'eaps, the same as might be
+mine"; and worst of all, "the little kids, as might 'ave been our own."
+Apropos of resentment, England has lost first place in Germany, for America
+is said to be the most hated country now. The "morning hate" of the German
+family with ragtime obbligato must be a terrible thing! General von Blume,
+it is true, says that America's intervention is no more than "a straw." But
+which straw? The last?
+
+[Illustration:
+
+GRANDPAPA (to small Teuton struggling with home-lessons): "Come, Fritz, is
+your task so difficult?"
+
+FRITZ: "It is indeed. I have to learn all the names of _all_ the
+countries that misunderstand the All-Highest."]
+
+It is reported that ex-King Constantine is to receive £20,000 a year
+unemployment benefit, and Mr. Punch, in prophetic vein, pictures him as
+offering advice to his illustrious brother-in-law:
+
+  Were it not wise, dear William, ere the day
+    When Revolution goes for crowns and things,
+  To cut your loss betimes and come this way
+    And start a coterie of exiled Kings?
+
+In the words of a valued correspondent (a temporary captain suddenly
+summoned from the trenches to the Staff), "there is this to be said about
+being at war--you never know what is going to happen to you next."
+
+
+
+_August, 1917_.
+
+
+With the opening of the fourth year of the War Freedom renews her vow,
+fortified by the aid of the "Gigantic Daughter of the West," and undaunted
+by the collapse of our Eastern Ally, brought about by anarchy, German gold
+and the fraternisation of Russian and German soldiers. The Kaiser, making
+the most of this timely boon, has once more been following in Bellona's
+train (her _train de luxe_) in search of cheap _réclame_ on the
+Galician front, to witness the triumphs of his new Ally, Revolutionary
+Russia:
+
+  But though she fail us in the final test,
+    Not there, not there, my child, the end shall be,
+    But where, without your option, France and we
+  Have made our own arrangements in the West.
+
+[Illustration: RUSSIA'S DARK HOUR]
+
+It is another story on the Western Front, where the British are closing in
+on the wrecked remains of Lens, and the Crown Prince's chance of breaking
+hearts along "The Ladies' Way" grows more and more remote.
+
+[Illustration: THE OPTIMIST
+
+"If this is the right village, then we're all right. The instructions is
+clear--'Go past the post-office and sharp to the left afore you come to the
+church.'"]
+
+A recent resolution of the Reichstag has been welcomed by Mr. Ramsay
+MacDonald as the solemn pronouncement of a sovereign people, only requiring
+the endorsement of the British Government to produce an immediate and
+equitable peace. But not much was left of this pleasant theory after Mr.
+Asquith had dealt it a few sledge-hammer blows. "So far as we know," he
+said, "the influence of the Reichstag, not only upon the composition but
+upon the policy of the German Government, remains what it always has
+been--a practically negligible quantity."
+
+The Reminiscences of Mr. Gerard, the late German Ambassador in Berlin, are
+causing much perturbation in German Court circles. In one of his
+conversations with Mr. Gerard, the Kaiser told him "there is no longer any
+International Law."
+
+  Little scraps of paper,
+    Little drops of ink,
+  Make the Kaiser caper
+    And the Nations think.
+
+The real voice of Labour is not that of the delegates who want to go to the
+International Socialist Conference at Stockholm to talk to Fritz, but of
+the Tommy who, after a short "leaf," goes cheerfully back to France to
+fight him. And the fomenters of class hatred will not find much support
+from the "men in blue." Mr. Punch has had occasion to rebuke the levity of
+smart fashionables who visit the wounded and weary them by idiotic
+questions. He is glad to show the other side of the picture in the tribute
+paid to the V.A.D. of the proper sort:
+
+  There's an angel in our ward as keeps a-flittin' to and fro,
+  With fifty eyes upon 'er wherever she may go;
+  She's as pretty as a picture, and as bright as mercury,
+  And she wears the cap and apron of a V.A.D.
+
+  The Matron she is gracious, and the Sister she is kind,
+  But they wasn't born just yesterday, and lets you know their mind;
+  The M.O. and the Padre is as thoughtful as can be,
+  But they ain't so good to look at as our V.A.D.
+
+  Not like them that wash a teacup in an orficer's canteen,
+  And then "Engaged in War Work" in the weekly Press is seen;
+  She's on the trot from morn to night and busy as a bee,
+  And there's 'eaps of wounded Tommies bless that V.A.D.
+
+Our Grand Fleet keeps its strenuous, unceasing vigil in the North Sea. But
+we must not forget the merchant mariners now serving under the Windsor
+House Flag in the North Atlantic trade:
+
+  "We sweep a bit and we fight a bit--an' that's what we like the best--
+  But a towin' job or a salvage job, they all go in with the rest;
+  When we ain't too busy upsettin' old Fritz an' 'is frightfulness blockade
+  A bit of all sorts don't come amiss in the North Atlantic trade."
+
+  "And who's your skipper, and what is he like?" "Oh, well, if you want to
+                know,
+  I'm sailing under a hard-case mate as I sailed with years ago;
+  'E's big as a bucko an' full o' beans, the same as 'e used to be
+  When I knowed 'im last in the windbag days when first I followed the sea.
+  'E was worth two men at the lee fore brace, an' three at the bunt of a
+                sail;
+  'E'd a voice you could 'ear to the royal yards in the teeth of a Cape
+                'Orn gale;
+  But now 'e's a full-blown lootenant, an' wears the twisted braid,
+  Commandin' one of 'is Majesty's ships in the North Atlantic trade."
+
+  "And what is the ship you're sailin' in?" "Oh, she's a bit of a terror.
+  She ain't no bloomin' levvyathan, an' that's no fatal error!
+  She scoops the seas like a gravy spoon when the gales are up an' blowin',
+  But Fritz 'e loves 'er above a bit when 'er fightin' fangs are showin'.
+  The liners go their stately way an' the cruisers take their ease,
+  But where would they be if it wasn't for us with the water up to our
+                knees?
+  We're wadin' when their soles are wet, we're swimmin' when they wade,
+  For I tell you small craft gets it a treat in the North Atlantic trade!"
+
+  "An' what is the port you're plying to?" "When the last long trick is
+                done
+  There'll some come back to the old 'ome port--'ere's 'opin' I'll be one;
+  But some 'ave made a new landfall, an' sighted another shore,
+  An' it ain't no use to watch for them, for they won't come 'ome no more.
+  There ain't no harbour dues to pay when once they're over the bar,
+  Moored bow and stern in a quiet berth where the lost three-deckers are.
+  An' there's Nelson 'oldin' is' one 'and out an' welcomin' them that's
+                made
+  The roads o' Glory an' the Port of Death in the North Atlantic trade."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+DOCTOR: "Your throat is in a very bad state. Have you ever tried gargling
+with salt water?"
+
+SKIPPER: "Yus, I've been torpedoed six times."]
+
+Parliament has devoted many hours of talk to the discussion of Mr.
+Henderson's visit to Paris in company with Mr. Ramsay MacDonald to attend a
+Conference of French and Russian Socialists. As member of the War Cabinet
+and Secretary of the Labour Party he seems to have resembled one of those
+twin salad bottles from which oil and vinegar can be dispensed alternately
+but not together. The attempt to combine the two functions could only end
+as it began--in a double fiasco. Mr. Henderson has resigned, and Mr.
+Winston Churchill has been appointed Minister of Munitions. Many reasons
+have been assigned for his reinclusion in the Ministry. Some say that it
+was done to muzzle Mr. MacCallum Scott, hitherto one of the most
+pertinacious of questionists, who, as Mr. Churchill's private secretary, is
+now debarred by Parliamentary etiquette from the exercise of these
+inquisitorial functions. Others say it was done to muzzle Mr. Churchill.
+Contrary to expectation, Mr. Churchill has succeeded in piloting the
+Munitions of War Bill through its remaining stages in double quick time.
+Its progress was accelerated by his willingness to abolish the leaving
+certificate, which a workman hitherto had to procure before changing one
+job for another. Having had unequalled experience in this respect, he is
+convinced that the leaving certificate is a useless formality.
+
+Food stocks going up, thanks to the energy of the farmers and the economy
+of consumers; German submarines going down, thanks to the Navy; Russia
+recovering herself; Britain and France advancing hand in hand on the
+Western Front, and our enemies fumbling for peace--that was the gist of the
+message with which the Prime Minister sped the parting Commons. "I have
+resigned," Mr. Kennedy Jones tells us, "because there is no further need
+for my services." Several politicians are of opinion that this was not a
+valid reason. A boy of eighteen recently told a Stratford magistrate that
+he had given up his job because he only got twenty-five shillings a week.
+The question of wages is becoming acute in Germany too, and it is announced
+that all salaries in the Diplomatic Service have been reduced. We always
+said that frightfulness didn't really pay.
+
+
+
+_September, 1917_.
+
+
+Thanks to the collapse of the Russian armies and "fraternisation," Germany
+has occupied Riga. But her chief exploits of late must be looked for
+outside the sphere of military operations. She has added a new phrase to
+the vocabulary of frightfulness, _spurlos versenkt_ in the
+instructions to her submarine commanders for dealing with neutral
+merchantmen. As for the position into which Sweden has been lured by
+allowing her diplomatic agents to assist Germany's secret service, Mr.
+Punch would hardly go the length of saying that it justifies the revision
+of the National Anthem so as to read, "Confound their Scandi-knavish
+tricks." But he finds it hard to accept Sweden's professions of official
+rectitude, and so does President Wilson.
+
+The German Press accuses the United States of having stolen the cipher key
+of the Luxburg dispatches. It is this sort of thing that is gradually
+convincing Germany that it is beneath her dignity to fight with a nation
+like America. And the growing conviction in the United States that there
+can be no peace with the Hohenzollerns only tends to fortify this view in
+Court circles. The Kaiser's protestations of his love for his people become
+more strident every day.
+
+[Illustration: PERFECT INNOCENCE
+
+CONSTABLE WOODROW WILSON: "That's a very mischievous thing to do."
+
+SWEDEN: "Please, sir, I didn't know it was loaded."]
+
+In Russia the Provisional Government has been dissolved and a Republic
+proclaimed. If eloquence can save the situation, Mr. Kerensky is the man to
+do it; but so far the men of few words have gone farthest in the war. A
+"History of the Russian Revolution" has already been published. The pen may
+not be mightier than the sword to-day, but it manages to keep ahead of it.
+
+With fresh enemy battalions, as well as batteries, constantly arriving from
+Russia, the Italians have been hard pressed; but their great assault on San
+Gabriele has saved the Bainsizza plateau. The Italian success has been
+remarkable, but the Russian collapse has prevented it from being pushed
+home. On the Western front no great events are recorded, but the mills of
+death grind on with ever-increasing assistance from the resources of
+applied science and the new art of _camouflage_. Yet the dominion of
+din and death and discomfort is still unable to impair our soldiers'
+capacity of extracting amusement from trivialities.
+
+[Illustration: TRIALS OF A CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER
+
+SERGEANT-MAJOR: "Beg pardon, sir, I was to ask if you'd step up to the
+battery, sir."
+
+CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "What's the matter?"
+
+SERGEANT-MAJOR: "It's those painted grass screens, sir. The mules have
+eaten them."]
+
+[Illustration: THE INSEPARABLE
+
+THE KAISER (to his people): "Do not listen to those who would sow
+dissension between us. _I will never desert you_."]
+
+The weather has been so persistently wet that it looks as if this year the
+Channel had decided to swim Great Britain. A correspondent, in a list of
+improbable events on an "extraordinary day" at the front, gives as the
+culminating entry, "It did not rain on the day of the offensive."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+C.O. (to sentry): "Do you know the Defence Scheme for this sector of the
+line, my man?"
+
+TOMMY: "Yes, sir."
+
+C.O.: "Well, what is it, then?"
+
+TOMMY. "To stay 'ere an' fight like 'ell."]
+
+When Parliament is not sitting and trying to make us "sit up," and when war
+news is scant, old people at home sometimes fall into a mood of wistful
+reverie, and contrast the Germany they once knew with the Germany of
+to-day.
+
+A LOST LAND
+
+  A childhood land of mountain ways,
+  Where earthy gnomes and forest fays,
+  Kind, foolish giants, gentle bears,
+  Sport with the peasant as he fares
+  Affrighted through the forest glades,
+  And lead sweet, wistful little maids
+  Lost in the woods, forlorn, alone,
+  To princely lovers and a throne.
+
+  Dear haunted land of gorge and glen,
+  Ah me! the dreams, the dreams of men!
+
+  A learned law of wise old books
+  And men with meditative looks,
+  Who move in quaint red-gabled towns,
+  And sit in gravely-folded gowns,
+  Divining in deep-laden speech
+  The world's supreme arcana--each
+  A homely god to listening youth,
+  Eager to tear the veil of Truth;
+
+  Mild votaries of book and pen--
+  Alas, the dreams, the dreams of men!
+
+  A music land whose life is wrought
+  In movements of melodious thought;
+  In symphony, great wave on wave--
+  Or fugue elusive, swift and grave;
+  A singing land, whose lyric rhymes
+  Float on the air like village chimes;
+  Music and verse--the deepest part
+  Of a whole nation's thinking heart!
+
+  Oh land of Now, oh land of Then!
+  Dear God! the dreams, the dreams of men!
+
+  Slave nation in a land of hate,
+  Where are the things that made you great?
+  Child-hearted once--oh, deep defiled,
+  Dare you look now upon a child?
+
+  Your lore--a hideous mask wherein
+  Self-worship hides its monstrous sin--
+  Music and verse, divinely wed--
+  How can these live where love is dead?
+
+  Oh depths beneath sweet human ken,
+  God help the dreams, the dreams of men!
+
+The Norwegian explorer, Roald Amundsen, is preparing for a trip to the
+North Pole in 1918. Additional interest now attaches to this spot as being
+the only territory whose neutrality the Germans have omitted to violate.
+Apropos of neutrals, the crew of the U-boat interned at Cadiz has been
+allowed to land on giving their word of honour not to leave Spain during
+the continuance of the War. The mystery of how the word "honour" came into
+their possession is not explained. It is easier to explain that the Second
+Division, in which Mr. E.D. Morel is now serving, is not the one which
+fought at the battle of Mons.
+
+
+
+_October, 1917_.
+
+
+Another month of losses and gains. Against the breakthrough at Caporetto on
+the Isonzo we have to set the steady advance of Allenby on the Palestine
+front, and the decision arrived at by an extraordinary meeting of German
+Reichstag members that the Germans cannot hope for victory in the field. We
+see nothing extraordinary in this. The Reichstag may not yet be able to
+influence policy, but it is not blind to facts--to the terribly heavy
+losses involved in our enemy's desperate efforts to prevent us from
+occupying the ridges above the Ypres-Menin road, and so forcing him to face
+the winter on the low ground. Then, too, there has been the ominous mutiny
+of the German sailors at Kiel. The ringleaders have been executed, but they
+may have preferred death to another speech from the Kaiser. Dr. Michaelis,
+that "transient embarrassed phantom," has joined the ranks of the
+dismissed. No sooner had the _Berliner Tageblatt_ pointed out that
+"Dr. Michaelis was a good Chancellor as Chancellors go" than he went.
+Another of the German doctor politicians has been delivering his soul on
+the failure of Pro-German propaganda in memorable fashion. Dr. Dernburg, in
+_Deutsche Politik_, tells us that "steadfastness and righteousness are
+the qualities which the German people value in the highest degree, and
+which have brought it a good and honourable reputation in the whole world.
+When we make experiments in lies and deceptions, intrigue and low cunning,
+we suffer hopeless and brutal failure. Our lies are coarse and improbable,
+our ambiguity is pitiful simplicity. The history of the War proves this by
+a hundred examples. When our enemies poured all these things upon us like a
+hailstorm, and we convinced ourselves of the effectiveness of such tactics,
+we tried to imitate them. But these tactics will not fit the German. We are
+rough but moral, we are credulous but honest." Before this touching picture
+of the German Innocents very much abroad, the Machiavellian Briton can only
+take refuge in silent amazement.
+
+[Illustration: THE DANCE OF DEATH
+
+THE KAISER: "Stop! I'm tired."
+
+DEATH: "I started at your bidding; I stop when I choose."]
+
+Parliament has reassembled, and Mr. Punch has been moved to ask Why?
+Various reasons would no doubt be returned by various members. The
+Chancellor of the Exchequer wants to obtain a further Vote of Credit. The
+new National Party wish to justify their existence; and those incarnate
+notes of interrogation--Messrs. King, Hogge and Pemberton Billing--would
+like Parliament to be in permanent session in order that the world might
+have the daily benefit of their searching investigations. There has been a
+certain liveliness on the Hibernian front, but we hope that Mr. Asquith was
+justified in assuming that the Sinn Fein excesses were only an expression
+of the "rhetorical and contingent belligerency" always present in Ireland,
+and that in spite of them the Convention would make all things right.
+Meanwhile, the Sinn Feiners have refused to take part in it. And not a
+single Nationalist member has denounced them for their dereliction; indeed,
+Mr. T.M. Healy has even given them his blessing, for what it is worth. Of
+more immediate importance has been Mr. Bonar Law's announcement of the
+Government's intention to set up a new Air Ministry, and "to employ our
+machines over German towns so far as military needs render us free to take
+such action."
+
+[Illustration: A PLACE IN THE MOON
+
+HANS: "How beautiful a moon, my love, for showing up England to our gallant
+airmen!"
+
+GRETCHEN: "Yes, dearest, but may it not show up the Fatherland to the
+brutal enemy one of these nights?"]
+
+In the earlier stages of the War we looked on the moon as our friend. Now
+that inconstant orb has become our enemy, and the only German opera that we
+look forward to seeing is _Die Gothadämmerung_. A circular has been
+issued by the Feline Defence League appealing to owners of cats to bring
+them inside the house during air-raids. When they are left on the roof it
+would seem that their agility causes them to be mistaken for aerial
+torpedoes. We note that the practice of giving air-raid warnings by notice
+published in the following morning's papers has been abandoned only after
+the most exhaustive tests. The advocates of "darkness and composure" have
+not been very happy in their arguments, but they are at least preferable to
+the members of Parliament deservedly trounced by Mr. Bonar Law, who
+declared that if their craven squealings were typical he should despair of
+victory. Meanwhile, we have to congratulate our gallant French allies on
+their splendid bag of Zepps. But the space which our Press allots to air
+raids moves Mr. Punch to wonder and scorn. Our casualties from that source
+are never one-tenth so heavy as those in France on days when G.H.Q. reports
+"everything quiet on the Western front." Still worse is the temper of some
+of our society weeklies, which have set their faces like flint against any
+serious reference to the War, and go imperturbably along the old
+ante-bellum lines, "snapping" smart people at the races or in the Row, or
+reproducing the devastating beauty of a revue chorus, and this at a time
+when every day brings the tidings of irreparable loss to hundreds of
+families.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+MISSING
+
+  "He was last seen going over the parapet into the German trenches."
+
+  What did you find after war's fierce alarms,
+    When the kind earth gave you a resting-place,
+  And comforting night gathered you in her arms,
+    With light dew falling on your upturned face?
+
+  Did your heart beat, remembering what had been?
+    Did you still hear around you, as you lay,
+  The wings of airmen sweeping by unseen,
+    The thunder of the guns at close of day?
+
+  All nature stoops to guard your lonely bed;
+    Sunshine and rain fall with their calming breath;
+  You need no pall, so young and newly dead,
+    Where the Lost Legion triumphs over death.
+
+  When with the morrow's dawn the bugle blew,
+    For the first time it summoned you in vain,
+  The Last Post does not sound for such as you,
+    But God's Reveille wakens you again.
+
+The discomforts of railway travelling do not diminish. But impatient
+passengers may find comfort in a maxim of R. L. Stevenson: "To travel
+hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." And further solace is
+forthcoming in the fact that our enemies are even worse off than we are.
+Railway fares in Germany have been doubled; but it is doubtful if this
+transparent artifice will prevent the Kaiser from going about the place
+making speeches to his troops on all the fronts. Here all classes are
+united by the solidarity of inconvenience. And they all have different ways
+of meeting it. But we really think more care should be taken by the
+authorities to see that while waging war on the Continent they do not
+forget the defence of those at home. The fact that Mr. Winston Churchill
+and Mr. Horatio Bottomley were away in France at the same time looks like
+gross carelessness. In this context we may note the report that the Eskimos
+had not until quite recently heard of war, which seems to argue slackness
+on the part of the circulation manager of the _Daily Mail_.
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+STOUT LADY (discussing the best thing to do in an air-raid): "Well, I
+always runs about meself. You see, as my 'usband sez, an' very reasonable
+too, a movin' targit is more difficult to 'it."]
+
+
+
+_November, 1917_.
+
+
+The best and the worst news comes from the outlying fronts. Allenby's
+triumphant advance is unchecked in Palestine. Gaza has fallen. The British
+are in Jaffa. Jerusalem is threatened. The German-Austrian drive which
+began at Caporetto has been stemmed, and the Italians, stiffened by a
+British army under General Plumer, are standing firm on the Piave. In
+Mesopotamia we deplore the death of the gallant Maude, a great general and
+a great gentleman, beloved by all ranks, whose career is an abiding answer
+to those who maintain that no good can come out of our public schools or
+the Staff training of regular officers. In Russia the Bolshevist _coup
+d'état_ has overthrown the Kerensky _règime_ and installed as
+dictator Lenin, a _déclassé_ aristocrat, always the most dangerous of
+revolutionaries. On the Western front the tide has flowed and ebbed. The
+Germans have yielded ground on the _Chemin des Dames_, the British
+have stormed Passchendaele Ridge, but at terrible cost, and General Byng's
+brilliant surprise attack and victory at Cambrai has been followed by the
+fierce reaction of ten days later. But perhaps the greatest sensation of
+the month has been Mr. Lloyd George's Paris speech, with its disquieting
+references to the situation on the Western front, and its announcement of
+the formation of the new Allied Council. The Premier's defence of, and, we
+may perhaps say, recomposition of his Paris oration before the House of
+Commons has appeased criticism without entirely convincing those who have
+been anxious to know how the Allied Council would work, and what would be
+the relations between the Council's military advisers and the existing
+General Staff of the countries concerned. But as Mr. Lloyd George confessed
+that he had deliberately made a "disagreeable speech" in Paris in order to
+get it talked about, the Press critics whom he rebuked will probably
+consider themselves absolved.
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: A GREAT INCENTIVE
+
+MEHMED (reading dispatch from the All-Highest): "Defend Jerusalem at all
+costs for my sake. I was once there myself."]
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: ONE UP!]
+
+Parliament has for once repelled the gibe that it has ceased to represent
+the people in the tribute of praise paid by Lords and Commons to our
+sailors and soldiers and all the other gallant folk who are helping us to
+win the War. On the strength of this capacity for rising to the occasion
+one may pass over the many sittings at which a small minority of
+Pacificists and irrelevant inquisitors have dragged the House down to the
+depths of ineptitude or worse. In the debate on the Air Force in Committee,
+one member, if we count speeches and interruptions, addressed the House
+exactly one hundred times, and it is worthy of note that his last words
+were: "This is what you call muzzling the House of Commons." If we were
+to believe some critics, the British Navy is directed by a set of
+doddering old gentlemen who are afraid to let it go at the Germans, and
+cannot even safeguard it from attack. The truth, as expounded by the
+First Lord, Sir Eric Geddes, in his maiden speech, is quite different.
+Despite the Jeremiads of superannuated sailors and political longshoremen,
+the Admiralty is not going to Davy Jones's locker, but under its present
+chiefs, who have, with very few exceptions, seen service in this War,
+maintains and supplements its glorious record.
+
+Save for an occasional game of "tip and run," as with the North Sea convoy,
+enemy vessels have disappeared on the surface of the ocean; and the long
+arm of the British Navy is now stretching down into the depths and up into
+the skies in successful pursuit of them. If the nation hardly realises what
+it owes to the men of the Fleet and their splendid comrades of the
+Auxiliary Services, it is because this work is done with such thoroughness
+and so little fuss, and, as Mr. Asquith put it, "in the twilight and not in
+the limelight."
+
+[ILLUSTRATION:
+
+AUNT MARIA: "Do you know I once actually saw the Kaiser riding through the
+streets of London as bold as brass. If I'd known then what I know now I'd
+have told a policeman."]
+
+The general sense of the community is now practically agreed that
+compulsory rationing must come, and the sooner the better. Lord Rhondda is
+still hopeful that John Bull will tighten his own belt and save him the
+trouble. But if we fail, the machinery for compulsion is all ready.
+
+Reuter reports that a British prisoner has been sentenced to a year's
+imprisonment for calling the Germans "Huns." On the Western front Tommy
+usually calls them "Allymans," "Jerry," or "Fritz." But even if this
+prisoner did use the word he cannot be blamed. The choice was the Kaiser's
+when, as Attila's understudy, "Go forth," he said, "my sons. Go and behave
+exactly as the Huns."
+
+Apropos of the Kaiser, it appears that a certain Herr Stegerwald,
+addressing a Berlin meeting, said: "We went to war at the side of the
+Kaiser, and the All-Highest will return from war with us." If we may be
+permitted to say anything, we expect he will be leading by at least a
+couple of lengths.
+
+The versatility and inventive genius of the Prime Minister provoke mingled
+comment. An old Parliamentarian, when asked to what party Mr. Lloyd George
+now belonged, recently answered: "He used to be a Radical; he will some day
+be a Conservative; and at present he is the leader of the Improvisatories."
+
+
+
+_December, 1917_.
+
+
+It seems useless to attempt to cope with the staggering multiplicity of
+events crowded into the last few weeks. Jerusalem captured in this last
+crusade, which realises the dream of Coeur de Lion; Russia "down and out"
+as a result of the armistice and the Brest-Litovsk Conference; Germany's
+last colony conquered in East Africa; Lord Lansdowne's letter; the
+retirement of Lord Jellicoe; while in one single week Cuba has declared war
+on Austria, the Kaiser has threatened to make a Christmas peace offer, and
+Mr. Bernard Shaw has described himself as "a mere individual." We have
+traversed the whole gamut of sensation from the sublime and tragic to the
+ridiculous; and Armageddon, vulgarised by the vulgar repetition of the
+journalist, has redeemed its significance in the dispatches from our
+Palestine front. The simplicity and dignity of General Allenby's entry into
+the Syrian town--
+
+  Where on His grave with shining eyes
+  The Syrian stars look down--
+
+afford a happy contrast to the boastful pagentry of the Kaiser's visit in
+1898. Meanwhile it has not yet been decided in Berlin what the Sultan of
+Turkey thinks of the capture of Jerusalem.
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: BETRAYED
+
+THE PANDER: "Come on; come and be kissed by him."]
+
+Where Russia is concerned Mr. Balfour wisely declines to be included among
+the prophets; all he knows is that she has not yet evolved a Government
+with which we can negotiate.
+
+There _is_ a Government in Germany, but neither Government nor people
+afford excuse for the negotiations which Lord Lansdowne, in a fit of
+war-weariness, has advocated in his letter to the _Daily Telegraph_.
+His unfortunate intervention, playing into the hands of Pacificists and
+Pro-Boches, is all the more to be deplored in a public servant who has
+crowned a long, disinterested and distinguished career by an act of
+grievous disservice to his country. British grit will win, declares Sir
+William Robertson; but our elderly statesmen must refrain from dropping
+theirs into the machinery. Happily the Government are determined to give no
+more publicity to the letter than they can help. On the Vote of Credit for
+550 millions the Chancellor of the Exchequer has been invited by Mr. Dillon
+to make a survey of the military situation, and has replied that all the
+relevant facts are known already. "The War is going on; the Government and
+the country intend it shall go on; and money is necessary to make it go
+on." That was a good answer to a member who has certainly done little to
+receive special consideration. Not only do we need money; we need men to
+supply the gaps caused by our withdrawal of troops to Italy and the
+constant wastage on all fronts.
+
+Mr. Balfour, as we have seen, abstains from prophecy. Mr. Dillon, who, with
+other Nationalists, bitterly resents the decision of the Government to
+apply the rules of arithmetic to the redistribution of seats in their
+beloved country, has indulged in a terrifying forecast which ought to be
+placed on record. He has threatened the House with the possibility that at
+the next General Election he and his colleagues might be wiped out of
+existence.
+
+Tommy is a very great man, but he is not a great linguist, though he always
+gets what he wants by the aid of signs or telepathy. Three years and some
+odd months have not changed his point of view, and now for Thomas to find
+himself in Italy is only to discover another lot of people who cannot
+understand or make themselves understood. "Alliances," as a correspondent
+from Italy puts it, "are things as wonderful to see as they are magnificent
+to read about. I do, however, regard with something approaching alarm the
+new language which will be evolved to put the lot of us on complete
+speaking terms."
+
+[Illustration: THE NEED OF MEN
+
+MR. PUNCH (to the Comber-out): "More power to your elbow, sir. But when are
+you going to fill up that silly gap?"
+
+SIR AUCKLAND GEDDES: "Hush! Hush! We're waiting for the Millennium."]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE NEW LANGUAGE
+
+TOMMY (to inquisitive French children): "Nah, then, alley toot sweet, an
+the tooter the sweeter!"]
+
+Lord Rhondda, who listened from the Peers' gallery to the recent debate in
+the Commons on Food Control, has received a quantity of advice intended to
+help him in minding his p's and q's, particularly the latter. In China, we
+read in the _Daily Express_, a chicken can still be purchased for
+sixpence; intending purchasers should note, however, that at present the
+return fare to Shanghai brings the total cost to a figure a trifle in
+excess of the present London prices. More bread is being eaten than ever,
+according to the Food Controller: but it appears that the stuff is now
+eaten by itself instead of being spread thinly on butter, as in pre-war
+days. Bloaters have reached the unprecedented price of sixpence each. This
+is no more, as we have seen, than a chicken fetches in China, but it is
+enough to dispel the hope that bloaters, at any rate over the Christmas
+season, would remain within the reach of the upper classes. At a Guildford
+charity _fête_ the winner of a hurdle race has been awarded a new-laid
+egg. If he succeeds in winning it three years in succession it is to become
+his own property.
+
+Christmas has come round again, and peace still seems a far-off thing.
+"What shall he have that killed the deer?" someone asks somebody else in
+_As You Like It_. But there is a better question than that, and it is
+this: "What shall they have that preserve the little dears?" And the answer
+is--honour and support. For there can be no doubt that in these critical
+times, when the life of the best and bravest and strongest is so cheap, no
+duty is more important than the cherishing of infancy, and the provision of
+seasonable joys to the youngest generation, gentle and simple. More than
+ever Mr. Punch welcomes the coming of Santa Klaus:
+
+  Thou who on earth was namèd Nicholas--
+    There be dull clods who doubt thy magic power
+    To tour the sleeping world in half-an-hour,
+  And pop down all the chimneys as you pass
+    With woolly lambs and dolls of frabjous size
+    For grubby hands and wonder-laden eyes.
+
+  Not so thy singer, who believes in thee
+    Because he has a young and foolish spirit;
+    Because the simple faith that bards inherit
+  Of happiness is still the master key,
+    Opening life's treasure-house to whoso clings
+    To the dim beauty of imagined things.
+
+
+
+_January, 1918_.
+
+
+While avoiding as a rule the fashionable _rôle_ of prophet, Mr. Punch
+is occasionally tempted to indulge in prediction. The year 1918, in which
+France is greeting in increasing numbers the heirs of the Pilgrim Fathers,
+is going to be America's year. As for the Kaiser,
+
+  A Fatherland Poet was busy of late
+  In making the Kaiser a new Hymn of Hate;
+  Perhaps, ere its echoes have time to grow dim,
+  The Huns may be learning a new Hate of Him.
+
+In this prophetic strain Mr. Punch has been musing on the fortunes of the
+Hohenzollerns under a German Republic. Will the ex-Kaiser be appointed to
+the post of official Gatherer of Scraps of Paper, or start in business as a
+second-hand wardrobe dealer with a large assortment of slightly soiled
+uniforms? Or will he be ordered to ring a joy-bell on the anniversary of
+the inauguration of the German Republic?
+
+[Illustration:
+
+The ex-Kaiser is appointed to the post of official gatherer of scraps of
+paper.]
+
+These are attractive speculations, but a trifle previous, while hospital
+ships are still being torpedoed, U-boats are busy at Funchal, and the bonds
+of German influence and penetration are being forged anew at Brest-Litovsk.
+The latest news from that quarter seems to indicate that the Kaiser desires
+peace--at any rate for the duration of the War. And already there is a talk
+of a German counter-offensive on a colossal scale on the Western front. So
+that Mr. Punch's message for the New Year is couched in no spirit of
+premature jubilation, but rather appeals for fortitude and endurance.
+
+[Illustration: TO ALL AT HOME]
+
+How needful such an appeal is may be gathered from the proceedings at
+Westminster, less fit for the Mother than the Mummy of Parliaments, where
+"doleful questionists" exhume imaginary grievances or display their "nerve"
+by claiming the increase in pay recently granted to fighting men for
+conscientious objectors in the Non-Combatant Corps. The interest taken by
+one of this group in Army Dentistry inspires the wish that "the treatment
+of jaw-cases" mentioned by the Under-Secretary for War could be applied on
+the Parliamentary front. Head-hunting is in full swing. This classical
+sport, as practised in Borneo, involved the discharge of poisoned darts
+through a blow-pipe, and the House of Commons has not materially altered
+the method. In the attack of January 23 it is supposed that the Head of the
+Government was aimed at; but most of the shots went wide and hit the Head
+of our Army in France. Ministers have not distinguished themselves except
+by their capacity for "butting-in" and eating their words. Public opinion
+has been inflamed rather than enlightened by the discussions on unity of
+command, and the newspaper campaign directed against our War chiefs.
+Meanwhile, the Suffragists have triumphantly surmounted their last obstacle
+in the House of Lords, and Votes for Women is now an accomplished fact. But
+the Irish Andromeda still awaits her Perseus, gazing wanly at her various
+champions in Convention. The Ulsterman's plea for conscription in Ireland
+has been rejected after Sir Auckland Geddes had declared that it would be
+of no use as a solution of the present difficulty. He did not give his
+reasons, but they are believed to be Conventional. Mr. Barnes has described
+the Government as "living on the top of a veritable volcano," but, in spite
+of the context, the phrase must not be taken to refer to the Minister of
+Munitions, who, as everybody knows, cannot be sat upon.
+
+Military experts tell us that this is a "Q" war, meaning thereby that the
+Quartermaster-General's department is the one that matters. Naval experts
+sometimes drop hints attaching another significance to that twisty letter.
+Harassed house-keepers are beginning to think that this is a "queue-war,"
+and look to Lord Rhondda to end it. For the moment the elusive rabbit has
+scored a point against the Food Controller, but public confidence in his
+ability is not shaken. All classes are being drawn together by a communion
+of inconvenience. The sporting miner's wife can no longer afford dog
+biscuits: "Our dog's got to eat what we eats now." And the pathetic appeal
+of the smart fashionable for lump sugar, on the ground that her darling
+Fido cannot be expected to catch a spoonful of Demerara from the end of his
+nose, leaves the grocer cold. A dairyman charged with selling
+unsatisfactory milk has explained to the Bench that his cows were suffering
+from shell-shock. He himself is now suffering from shell-out-shock. At
+Ramsgate a shopkeeper has exhibited a notice in his window announcing that
+"better days are in store." What most people want is butter days.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+ORDERLY SERGEANT: "Lights out, there."
+
+VOICE FROM THE HUT: "It's the moon, Sergint."
+
+ORDERLY SERGEANT: "I don't give a d--- what it is. Put it out!"]
+
+The disquieting activities of the "giddy Gotha" involve drastic enforcement
+of the lighting orders, and the moon is still an object of suspicion.
+Pessimists and those critics who are never content unless each day brings a
+spectacular success, seem to have taken for their motto: "It's not what I
+mean, but what I say, that matters." But the moods of the non-combatant are
+truly chameleonic. Civilians summoned to the War Office pass from
+confidence to abasement, and from abasement to megalomania in the space of
+half an hour.
+
+Turkey, it appears, has sent an urgent appeal to Berlin for funds. The
+disaster to the _Goeben_ can be endured, since the Sultan can now
+declare a foreshore claim, and do a little salvage profiteering; but
+Palestine is another matter. Since General Allenby's advance "running"
+expenses have swallowed up a formidable total. The War is teaching us many
+things, including geography. We are taking a lively interest in the
+Ukraine, and the newspapers daily add to our stock of interesting
+knowledge. Apropos of General Allenby's entry into Jerusalem, we learn that
+"the predominance of the tar brush in the streets added to the brightness
+of the scene," and in connection with his return to Cairo, that "the
+MacCabean Boy Scouts" took part in the reception--presumably the Cadet
+Corps of the Jordan Highlanders. But the most reassuring news comes from
+the enemy Press. "It is simply a miracle," says the _Cologne Gazette_,
+"that the Germans have so loyally stood by their leaders," and for once we
+are wholly in agreement with our German contemporary.
+
+If Mr. Punch may exert his privilege of turning abruptly to grave from gay,
+the claim may be allowed on behalf of the youngest generation, already
+remembered in the chronicle of last month.
+
+CHILDREN OF CONSOLATION
+
+  By the red road of storm and stress
+    Their fathers' footsteps trod,
+  They come, a cloud of witnesses,
+    The messengers of God.
+
+  Cradled upon some radiant gleam,
+    Like living hopes they lie,
+  The rainbow beauty of a dream
+    Against a stormy sky.
+
+  Before the tears of love were dried,
+    Or anguish comfort knew,
+  The gates of home were opened wide
+    To let the pilgrims through.
+
+  Pledges of faith, divinely fair,
+    From peaceful worlds above
+  Against the onslaught of despair
+    They hold the fort of love.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE CIVILIAN AND THE WAR OFFICE
+
+I am bidden to the War Office.
+
+I depart for it.
+
+I approach it.
+
+I enter.
+
+I am not observed.
+
+I am still not observed.
+
+I am observed.
+
+I am spoken to (and still live).
+
+I continue to be spoken to.
+
+I am spoken to quite nicely.
+
+I am shaken hands with.
+
+I take my leave.]
+
+
+
+_February, 1918_.
+
+
+"Watchman, what of the night?" The hours pass amid the clash of rumours and
+discordant voices--optimist, pessimist, pacificist. Only in the answer of
+the fighting man, who knows and says little, but is ready for anything, do
+we find the best remedy for impatience and misgiving:
+
+  "Soldier, what of the night?"
+    "Vainly ye question of me;
+  I know not, I hear not nor see;
+    The voice of the prophet is dumb
+  Here in the heart of the fight.
+    I count the hours on their way;
+  I know not when morning shall come;
+    Enough that I work for the day."
+
+The first Brest-Litovsk Treaty has been signed, followed in nine days by
+the German invasion of Russia, an apt comment on what an English paper, by
+a misprint which is really an inspiration, calls "the Brest Nogotiations."
+
+The record of the Bolshevist régime is already deeply stained with the
+massacre of the innocents, but Lenin and Trotsky can plead an august
+example. More than fourteen thousand British non-combatants--men, women and
+children--have been murdered by the Kaiser's command. And the rigorous
+suppression of the strikes in Berlin furnishes a useful test of his recent
+avowals of sympathy with democratic ideals. By way of a set-off the German
+Press Bureau has circulated a legend of civil war in London, bristling with
+circumstantial inaccuracies. The enemy's successes in the field--the
+occupation of Reval and the recapture of Trebizond--are the direct outcome
+of the Russian _débâcle_. Our capture of Jericho marks a further stage
+in a sustained triumph of good generalship and hard fighting, which
+verifies an old prophecy current among the Arabs in Palestine and Syria,
+viz. that when the waters of the Nile flow into Palestine, a prophet from
+the West will drive the Turk out of the Arab countries. The first part of
+the prophecy was fulfilled by the pipe-line which has brought Nile water
+(taken from the fresh-water canal) for the use of the Egyptian
+Expeditionary Force across the Sinai desert to the neighbourhood of Gaza.
+The second part was fulfilled by the fact that General Allenby's name is
+rendered in Arabic by exactly the same letters which form the words "El
+Nebi," i.e. the Prophet.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE LIBERATORS
+
+FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Let me see; we've made an end of Law, Credit, Treaties,
+the Army and the Navy. Is there anything else to abolish?"
+
+SECOND BOLSHEVIK: "What about War?"
+
+FIRST BOLSHEVIK: "Good! And Peace too. Away with both of 'em!"]
+
+At home we have seen the end of the seventh session of a Parliament which
+by its own rash Act should have committed suicide two years ago. Truly the
+Kaiser has a lot to answer for. On the last day but one of the session 184
+questions were put, the information extracted from Ministers being, as
+usual, in inverse ratio to the curiosity of the questioners. The opening of
+the eighth session showed no change in this respect. The debate on the
+Address degenerated into a series of personal attacks on the Premier by
+members who, not without high example, regard this as the easiest road to
+fame. The only persons who have a right to congratulate themselves on the
+discussion are the members of the German General Staff, who may not have
+learned anything that they did not know before, but have undoubtedly had
+certain shrewd suspicions confirmed. Mr. Bonar Law, in one of his engaging
+bursts of self-revelation, observed that he had no more interest in this
+Prime Minister than he had in the last; but the House generally seemed to
+agree with Mr. Adamson, the Labour leader, who, before changing horses
+again, wanted to be sure that he was going to get a better team. A week
+later, on the day on which the Prince of Wales took his seat in the Lords,
+Lord Derby endeavoured to explain why the Government had parted with Sir
+William Robertson, the Chief of the Imperial Staff, and replaced him by
+General Wilson. It is hard to say whether the Peers were convinced.
+Simultaneously in the House of Commons the Prime Minister was engaged in
+the same task, but with greater success. Mr. Lloyd George has no equal in
+the art of persuading an audience to share his faith in himself. How far
+our military chiefs approved the recent decision of the Versailles
+Conference is not known. But everyone applauds the patriotic
+self-effacement of Sir William Robertson in silently accepting the Eastern
+Command at home.
+
+In Parliament the question of food has been discussed in both Houses with
+the greatest gusto. Throughout the country it is the chief topic of
+conversation.
+
+[Illustration: SECRET DIPLOMACY
+
+WIFE: "George, there are two strange men digging up the garden."
+
+GEORGE: "It's all right, dear. A brainy idea of mine to get the garden dug
+up. I wrote an anonymous letter to the Food Controller and told him there
+was a large box of food buried there."
+
+WIFE: "Heavens! But there _is_!"]
+
+To the ordinary queues we now have to add processions of conscientious
+disgorgers patriotically evading prosecution. The problem "Is tea a food or
+is it not?" convulses our Courts, and the axioms of Euclid call for
+revision as follows:
+
+"Parallel lines are those which in a queue, if only produced far enough,
+never mean meat."
+
+"If there be two queues outside two different butchers' shops, and the
+length and the breadth of one queue be equal to the length and breadth of
+the other queue, each to each, but the supplies in one shop are greater
+than the supplies in the other shop, then the persons in the one queue will
+get more meat than those in the other queue, which is absurd, and Rhondda
+ought to see about it."
+
+All the same, Lord Rhondda is a stout fellow who goes on his way with an
+imperviousness to criticism--criticism that is often selfish and
+contemptible--which augurs well for his ultimate success in the most
+thankless of all jobs.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+INDIGNANT WAR-WORKER: "And she actually asked me if I didn't think I might
+be doing something! Me? And I haven't missed a charity matinée for the last
+three months."]
+
+Food at the front is another matter, and Mr. Punch is glad to print the
+tribute of one of his war-poets to the "Cookers":
+
+  The Company Cook is no great fighter,
+    And there's never a medal for _him_ to wear,
+  Though he camps in the shell-swept waste, poor blighter,
+    And many a cook has "copped it" there;
+  But the boys go over on beans and bacon,
+    And Tommy is best when Tommy has dined,
+  So here's to the Cookers, the plucky old Cookers,
+    And the sooty old Cooks that waddle behind.
+
+"It is Germany," says a German paper, "who will speak the last word in this
+War." Yes, and the last word will be "Kamerad!" But that word will be
+spoken in spite of many pseudo-war-workers on the Home Front.
+
+Among the many wonders of the War one of the most wonderful is the
+sailor-man, three times, four times, five times torpedoed, who yet wants to
+sail once more. But there is one thing that he never wants to do again--to
+"pal" with Fritz the square-head:
+
+  "When peace is signed and treaties made an' trade begins again,
+  There's some'll shake a German's 'and an' never see the stain;
+  But _not me_," says Dan the sailor-man, "not me, as God's on high--
+  Lord knows it's bitter in an open boat to see your shipmates die."
+
+Among the ignoble curiosities of the time we note the following
+advertisements in a Manchester newspaper of "wants" in our "indispensable"
+industries: "Tennis ball inflators, cutters and makers" and "Caramel
+wrappers"; while a Brighton paper has "Wanted, two dozen living flies
+weekly during the remainder of winter for two Italian frogs."
+
+The situation in Ireland remains unchanged, and suggests the following
+historical division of eras. (1) Pagan era; (2) Christian era; (3) De
+Valera.
+
+
+
+_March, 1918_.
+
+
+Once again the month of the War-God has been true to its name. March,
+opening in suspense, with the Kaiser and his Chancellor still talking of
+peace, has closed in a crisis of acute anxiety for the Allies. The expected
+has happened; the long-advertised German attack has been delivered in the
+West, and the war of movement has begun.
+
+Breaking through the Fifth British Army, in five days the Germans have
+advanced twenty-five miles, to within artillery range of Amiens and the
+main lateral railway behind the British lines. Bapaume and Péronne have
+fallen. The Americans have entered the war in the firing line. It is the
+beginning of the end, the supreme test of the soul of the nation:
+
+  The little things of which we lately chattered--
+    The dearth of taxis or the dawn of Spring;
+  Themes we discussed as though they really mattered,
+    Like rationed meat or raiders on the wing;--
+
+  How thin it seems to-day, this vacant prattle,
+    Drowned by the thunder rolling in the West,
+  Voice of the great arbitrament of battle
+    That puts our temper to the final test.
+
+  Thither our eyes are turned, our hearts are straining,
+    Where those we love, whose courage laughs at fear,
+  Amid the storm of steel around them raining,
+    Go to their death for all we hold most dear.
+
+  New-born of this supremest hour of trial,
+    In quiet confidence shall be our strength,
+  Fixed on a faith that will not take denial
+    Nor doubt that we have found our soul at length.
+
+  O England, staunch of nerve and strong of sinew,
+    Best when you face the odds and stand at bay;
+  Now show a watching world what stuff is in you!
+    Now make your soldiers proud of you to-day!
+
+Of our soldiers we at home cannot be too proud, from Field-Marshal to
+officer's servant. As one of Mr. Punch's correspondents at the front
+writes: "Dawn to me hereafter will not be personified as a rosy-fingered
+damsel or a lovely swift-footed deity, but as a sturdy little man in khaki,
+crimson-eared with cold, heralded and escorted by frozen wafts of outer
+air, bearing in one knobby fist a pair of boots, and in the other a tin mug
+of black and smoking tea." As for the charities and courtesies of war, as
+interpreted by our soldiers, Mr. Punch can wish for no better illustration
+than in these lines on "The German graves":
+
+  I wonder are there roses still
+    In Ablain St. Nazaire,
+  And crosses girt with daffodil
+    In that old garden there.
+  I wonder if the long grass waves
+    With wild-flowers just the same,
+  Where Germans made their soldiers' graves
+    Before the English came?
+
+  The English set those crosses straight
+    And kept the legends clean;
+  The English made the wicket-gate
+    And left the garden green;
+  And now who knows what regiments dwell
+    In Ablain St. Nazaire?
+  But I would have them guard as well
+    The graves we guarded there.
+
+  And when at last the Prussians pass
+    Among those mounds and see
+  The reverent cornflowers crowd the grass
+    Because of you and me,
+  They'll give, perhaps, one humble thought
+    To all the "English fools"
+  Who fought as never men have fought
+    But somehow kept the rules.
+
+[Illustration: MADE IN GERMANY
+
+CIVILISATION: "What's that supposed to represent?"
+
+IMPERIAL ARTIST: "Why, 'Peace,' of course."
+
+CIVILISATION: "Well, I don't recognise it--and I never shall."]
+
+To turn from the crowning ordeal of our Armies to the activities of British
+politicians on the eve of the great German attack is not a soul-animating
+experience. Indeed, the efforts of Messrs. Snowden and Trevelyan, Pringle
+and King almost justify the assumption that Hindenburg would have launched
+his offensive earlier but for his desire not to interfere with the great
+offensive conducted by his friends on the Westminster front. Our
+anti-patriots, however, are placed in a dilemma. They were bound to side
+with Germany, because of their rooted belief that England always must be
+wrong. They were bound to hail the Bolshevik self-determinators because of
+their entirely sound views on peace at any price. But now their two loves
+are fighting like cats. Hence the problem: "Which am I (both can't well be
+right), Pro-German or Pro-Trotskyite?" Discussions of pig shortage,
+commandeered premises, the relations of the Government and Press, and the
+duties of the Directors of Propaganda leave us cold or impatient. But
+members of all parties have been united in genuine grief over the death of
+Mr. John Redmond, snatched away just when his distracted country most
+needed his moderating influence. For in their anxiety not to interfere with
+the deliberations of those patriotic Irishmen who are trying to settle how
+Ireland shall be governed in the future, the Government are allowing it to
+become ungovernable by anybody. A new and agreeable Parliamentary
+innovation has been introduced by Sir Eric Geddes in the shape of an
+immense diagram showing the downward tendency of the U-boat activities.
+Other orators might with advantage follow this method. Indeed, there are
+some whose speeches would be more enjoyable if they were all diagrams. As
+for that pledge of the New Citizenship, the Education Bill, the debate on
+the second reading has been such a long eulogy of its author that Mr.
+Fisher would be well advised to offer a propitiatory sacrifice to Nemesis.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+BY SPECIAL REQUEST
+
+CUSTOMER: "Here, waiter, take a coupon off this and ask the band to play
+five-penn'orth of 'The Roast Beef of Old England.'"]
+
+Compulsory rationing is now an established fact, and the temporary
+disappearance of marmalade from the breakfast table has called forth many a
+_cri de coeur_. As one lyrist puts it:
+
+  Let Beef and Butter, Rolls and Rabbits fade,
+  But give me back my love, my Marmalade.
+
+And another has addressed this touching vow to margarine:
+
+  Whether the years prove fat or lean
+    This vow I here rehearse:
+  I take you, dearest Margarine,
+    For butter or for worse.
+
+It is reported that the Government's standard suits for men's wear will
+soon be available. One is occasionally tempted to hope that women's
+costumes might be similarly standardised.
+
+[Illustration: THE COAT THAT DIDN'T COME OFF]
+
+The German Press announces the death of the notorious "Captain of
+Koepenick," and the _Cologne Gazette_ refers to him as "the only man
+who ever succeeded in making the German Army look ridiculous." This is the
+kind of subtle flattery that the Hohenzollerns really appreciate.
+
+
+
+_April, 1918_.
+
+
+We have reached the darkest hours of the War and the clouds have not yet
+lifted, though the rate of the German advance has already begun to slow
+down. On the 11th the enemy broke through at Armentières and pushed their
+advantage till another wedge was driven into the British line. On the 12th
+Sir Douglas Haig issued his historic order: "With our backs to the wall,
+and believing in the justice of our cause, each one of us must fight to the
+end. The safety of our homes and the freedom of mankind depend alike upon
+the conduct of each one of us at the critical moment." The Amiens line
+being under fire, it was impossible to bring French reinforcements north in
+time to save Kemmel Hill and stave off the menace to the Channel ports. The
+tale of our losses is grievous, and for thousands and thousands of families
+nothing can ever be the same again. The ordeal of Paris has been renewed by
+shelling from the German long-distance gun, the last and most sensational
+of German surprise-packets. These are indeed dark days, yet already lit by
+hopeful omens--the closer union of the Allies, the appointment of the
+greatest French military genius, General Foch, as Generalissimo of the
+Allied Forces, and his calm assurance that we have as yet lost "nothing
+vital." America is pouring men into France and, without waiting to complete
+the independent organisation of her Army, has chivalrously sent her troops
+forward to be brigaded with French and British units. Even now there are
+optimists, who are not fools, who maintain that Germany has shot her last
+bolt and knows that she is losing. It is at least remarkable that German
+newspapers are daily excusing the failure of their offensive to secure all
+its objectives. There is clearly something wrong with the time-table and,
+in the race of Man Power, time is on the side of the Allies.
+
+Truth, long gagged and disguised, is coming to light in Germany. This has
+been the month of the Lichnowsky disclosures--the Memoir of their
+Ambassador, vindicating British diplomacy and saddling Germany with the
+responsibility for the War. The time of publication is indeed unfortunate
+for the Kaiser, who has been telling us how bitterly he hates war.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE COMING ARMY
+
+FATHER: "Here's to the fighter of lucky eighteen!" SON: "And here's to the
+soldier of fifty!"]
+
+  For now from German lips the world may know
+    Facts that should want some skill for their confounding--
+  How Potsdam forced alike on friend and foe
+    A war of Potsdam's sole compounding.
+
+  How you, who itched to see the bright sword lunged,
+    Still bleating peace like innocent lambs in clover,
+  In all that bloody business you were plunged
+    Up to your neck and something over.
+
+  And, having fed on little else but lies,
+    Your people, with the hollow place grown larger
+  Now that the truth has cut off these supplies,
+    May want your head upon a charger.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE DEATH LORD
+
+THE KAISER (on reading the appalling tale of German losses): "What matter,
+so we Hohenzollerns survive?"]
+
+
+And what has England's answer been, apart from the stubborn and heroic
+resistance of her men on the Western Front? The answer is to be found in
+the immediate resolve to raise the age limit for service to 50, still more
+in the glorious exploit of Zeebrugge and Ostend, in the incredible valour
+of the men who volunteered for and carried through what is perhaps the most
+astonishing and audacious enterprise in the annals of the Navy.
+
+The pageantry of war has gone, but here at least is a magnificence of
+achievement and self-sacrifice on the epic scale which beggars description
+and transcends praise. The hornet's nest that has pestered us so long, if
+not rooted out, has been badly damaged; our sailors, dead and living, have
+once more proved themselves masters of the impossible.
+
+At home Parliament, resuming business after the Easter recess, began by
+giving a second Reading to a Drainage Bill, and ended its first sitting in
+an Irish bog. Ireland throughout the month has dominated the proceedings,
+aloof and irreconcilable, brooding over past wrongs, blind to the issues of
+the War and turning her back on its realities. Mr. Lloyd George's plan of
+making Home Rule contingent on compulsory service has been described by Mr.
+O'Brien as a declaration of war on Ireland. Another Nationalist Member, who
+at Question time urged on the War Office the necessity of according to its
+Irish employees exactly the same privileges and pay as were given to their
+British confrères, protested loudly a little later on against a Bill which
+_inter alia_ extends to Irishmen the privilege of joining in the fight
+for freedom. Mr. Asquith questioned the policy of embracing Ireland in the
+Bill unless you could get general consent. Mr. Bonar Law bluntly replied
+that if Ireland was not to be called upon to help in this time of stress
+there would be an end of Home Rule, and that if the House would not
+sanction Irish conscription it would have to get another Government. It
+remained for Lord Dunraven, before the passing of the Bill in the House of
+Lords, to produce as "a very ardent Home Ruler" the most ingenious excuse
+for his countrymen's unwillingness to fight that has yet been heard.
+Ireland, he tells us, has been contaminated by the British refugees who had
+fled to that country to escape military service.
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+DRAKE'S WAY
+
+Zeebrugge, St. George's Day, 1918
+
+ADMIRAL DRAKE (to Admiral Keyes): "Bravo, sir. Tradition holds. My men
+singed a King's beard, and yours have singed a Kaiser's moustache."]
+
+The Prime Minister, in reviewing the military situation, has attributed the
+success of the Germans to their possessing the initiative and to the
+weather. Members have found it a little difficult to understand why, if
+even at the beginning of March the Allies were equal in numbers to the
+enemy on the West and if, thanks to the foresight of the Versailles
+Council, they knew in advance the strength and direction of the impending
+blow, they ever allowed the initiative to pass to the Germans. It is known
+that hundreds of thousands of men have been rushed out of England since the
+last week of March. Why, if Sir Douglas Haig asked for reserves, were they
+not sent sooner? These mysteries will be resolved some day. Meanwhile
+General Trenchard, late chief of the Air Staff, and by general consent an
+exceptionally brilliant and energetic officer, has retired into the limbo
+that temporarily contains Lord Jellicoe and Sir William Robertson. But Lord
+Rothermere (Lord Northcliffe's brother), who still retains the confidence
+of Mr. Pemberton Billing. remains, and all is well. The enemy possibly
+thinks it even better. "At least we should keep our heads," declared Mr.
+Pringle during the debate on the Man-Power Bill. We are not sure about
+this. It depends upon the heads.
+
+It is a pity that the "New Oxford Dictionary" should have so nearly reached
+completion before the War and the emergence of hundreds of new words, now
+inevitably left out. The Air service has a new language of its own, witness
+the conversation faithfully reported by an expert:
+
+SCENE: R.F.C. CLUB. TIME: EVERY TIME.
+
+_First Pilot_. Why, it's Brown-Jones!
+
+_Second Pilot_. Hullo, old thing! What are you doing now?
+
+_First Pilot_. Oh, I'm down at Puddlemarsh teaching huns--monoavros,
+pups and dolphins.
+
+_Second Pilot_. I'm on the same game, down at Mudbank--sop-two-seaters
+and camels. We've got an old tinside, too, for joy-riding.
+
+_First Pilot_. You've given up the rumpety, then?
+
+_Second Pilot_. Yes. I was getting ham-handed and mutton-fisted,
+flapping the old things every day; felt I wanted to stunt about a bit.
+
+_First Pilot_. Have you ever butted up against Robinson-Smith at
+Mudbank? He was an ack-ee-o, but became a hun.
+
+_Second Pilot_. Yes, he crashed a few days ago--on his first solo
+flip, taking off--tried to zoom, engine konked, bus
+stalled--sideslip--nose-dive. Not hurt, though. What's become of
+Smith-Jones? Do you know?
+
+_First Pilot_. Oh, yes. He's on quirks and ack-ws. He tried spads, but
+got wind up. Have you seen the new-----?
+
+_Second Pilot_. Yes, it's a dud bus--only does seventy-five on the
+ceiling. Too much stagger, and prop stops on a spin. Besides, I never did
+care for rotaries. Full of gadgets too.
+
+_First Pilot_. Well, I must tootle off now. I'm flapping from
+Northbolt at dawn if my old airship's ready--came down there with a konking
+engine--plug trouble.
+
+_Second Pilot_. Well, cheerio, old thing--weather looks dud--you're
+going to have it bumpy in the morning, if you're on a pup.
+
+_First Pilot_, Bye-bye, you cheery old bean.
+
+_[Exeunt._
+
+[Illustration: THE POLITICIAN WHO ADDRESSED THE TROOPS]
+
+The Emperor Karl of Austria, by his recent indiscretions, is winning for
+himself the new title of "His Epistolic Majesty." His suggestion that
+France ought to have Alsace-Lorraine has grated on the susceptibilities of
+his brother Wilhelm. But a new fastidiousness is to be noted in the Teuton
+character. "Polygamy," says an article in a German review, "is essential to
+the future of the German race, but a decent form must be found for it."
+
+
+
+_May, 1918_.
+
+
+With the coming of May the Vision of Victory which had nerved Germany to
+her greatest effort seemed fading from her sight. With its last days we see
+them making a second desperate effort to secure the prize, capturing
+Soissons and the Chemin des Dames and pushing on to the Marne. This time
+the French have borne the burden of the onslaught, but Rheims is still
+held, the Americans are pouring in to France at the rate of 250,000 a
+month, and have proved their mettle at Cantigny, a small fight of great
+importance, as it "showed their fighting qualities under extreme battle
+conditions," in General Pershing's words, and earned the praise of General
+Debeney for the "offensive valour" of our Allies.
+
+[Illustration: The Threatened Peace Offensive
+
+GERMAN EAGLE (to British Lion): "I warn you--a little more of this
+obstinacy and you'll rouse the dove in me!"]
+
+The British troops have met Sir Douglas Haig's appeal as we knew they
+would:
+
+  Their _will_ to _win_ let Boches bawl
+  As loudly as they choose,
+  When once our back's against the wall
+  'Tis not our _wont to lose_.
+
+Those who have gone back at the seventh wave are waiting for the tide to
+turn. To the fainthearted or shaken souls who contend that no victory is
+worth gaining at the cost of such carnage and suffering, these lines
+addressed "To Any Soldier" may serve as a solvent of their doubts and an
+explanation of the mystery of sacrifice:
+
+  If you have come through hell stricken or maimed,
+  Vistas of pain confronting you on earth;
+  If the long road of life holds naught of worth
+  And from your hands the last toil has been claimed;
+  If memories of horrors none has named
+  Haunt with their shadows your courageous mirth
+  And joys you hoped to harvest turn to dearth,
+  And the high goal is lost at which you aimed;
+
+  Think this--and may your heart's pain thus be healed--
+  Because of me some flower to fruitage blew,
+  Some harvest ripened on a death-dewed field,
+  And in a shattered village some child grew
+  To womanhood inviolate, safe and pure.
+  For these great things know your reward is sure.
+
+The Germans have reached Sevastopol, but the Kaiser's Junior Partner in the
+South is only progressing in the wrong direction. While Wilhelm is
+laboriously struggling to get nearer the sea, Mehmed is getting farther and
+farther away from it. The attitude of Russia remains obscure. Mr. Balfour
+tells us that it is not the intention of the Government to appoint an
+Ambassador to Russia. But there is talk of sending out an exploration party
+to find out just where Russia has got to. Russia, however, is not the only
+country whose attitude is obscure. The Leader of the Irish Nationalist
+Party is reported to have said to a New York interviewer: "We believe that
+the cause of the Allies is the cause of Freedom throughout the world." At
+the same time, while repudiating the policy of the Sinn Feiners, he
+admitted that he had co-operated with them in their resistance to the
+demand that Ireland should defend the cause of Freedom. The creed of Sinn
+Fein--"Ourselves Alone"--is at least more logical than that of these
+neutral Nationalists:
+
+  And is not ours a noble creed
+    With Self uplifted on the throne?
+  Why should we bleed for others' need?
+    Our motto is "Ourselves Alone."
+
+  Why prate of ruined lands out there,
+    Of churches shattered stone by stone?
+  We need not care how others fare,
+    We care but for "Ourselves Alone."
+
+  Though mothers weep with anguished eyes
+    And tortured children make their moan,
+  Let others rise when Pity cries;
+    We rise but for "Ourselves Alone."
+
+  Let Justice be suppressed by Might,
+    And Mercy's seat be overthrown;
+  For Truth and Right the fools may fight,
+    We fight but for "Ourselves Alone."
+
+Meanwhile, the gentle Mr. Duke has retired from the Chief Secretaryship to
+the Judicial Bench; Mr. Shortt, his successor, recently voted against
+conscription for Ireland; Lord French, the new Viceroy, is believed to
+favour it. The appointments seem to have been made on the cancelling-out
+principle, and are as hard to reconcile as the ministerial utterances on
+the recent German push. Thus Mr. Macpherson declared that the crisis came
+upon us like a thief in the night, while on the same day Mr. Churchill
+observed that the German offensive had opened a month later than we had
+calculated, and consequently our reserves in munitions were correspondingly
+larger than they would have been. Anyhow, it is a good hearing that the
+lost guns, tanks, and aeroplanes have all been more than replaced, and the
+stores of ammunition completely replenished, while at the same time
+munition workers have been released for the Army at the rate of a thousand
+_a_ day. These results have been largely due to the wonderful work of
+the women, who turned out innumerable shells of almost incredible
+quality--not like that depicted by our artist.
+
+[Illustration: THE DUD]
+
+Mr. Bonar Law has brought in his Budget and asked for a trifle of 842
+millions. We are to pay more for our letters, our cheques, and our tobacco.
+The Penny Postage has gone, and the Penny Pickwick with it. For the rest we
+have had the Maurice Affair, which looked like a means of resurrecting the
+Opposition but ended in giving the Government a new lease of life, and Sir
+Eric Geddes has given unexpected support to the allegations that the German
+pill-boxes were made of British cement. At least he admitted that the port
+of Zeebrugge was positively congested with shiploads of the stuff.
+Proportional Representation has been knocked out for the fifth time in this
+Parliament; and we have to thank Sir Mark Sykes for telling us that the
+Whip's definition of a crank is "a wealthy man who does not want a
+Knighthood, or a nobleman who does not want to be an Under-Secretary."
+
+War is a great leveller. The Carl Rosa Company are about to produce an
+opera by an English composer. And war _is_ teaching us to revise our
+histories. For example, "'Nelson,' the greatest naval pageant film ever
+attempted, will," says the _Daily News_, "tell the love story of
+Nelson's life and the outstanding incidents of his career, including the
+destruction of the Spanish Armada." No scandal about Queen Elizabeth, we
+trust. The _Daily News_, by the way, is much exercised by Mr. Punch's
+language towards the enemy, which it describes as being in the Billingsgate
+vein. In spite of which rebuke, and at the risk of offending the readers of
+that patriotic organ, Mr. Punch proposes to go on saying just what he
+thinks of the Kaiser and his friends.
+
+The price of tobacco, as we have seen, is becoming a serious matter, but
+Ireland proposes to grapple with the problem in her own way. The
+Ballinasloe Asylum Committee, according to an announcement in the
+_Times_ of May 14, have decided, with the sanction of the authorities,
+to grow tobacco leaf for the use of their inmates. "A doctor said that if
+the patients were debarred from an adequate supply of tobacco there would
+be no controlling them."
+
+As a set-off to the anti-"Cuthbert" campaign in the Press the War Cabinet
+has in its Report declared that "the whole Empire owes the Civil Service a
+lasting debt of gratitude." It looks as if there was something in red tape
+after all. We must not, however, fail to recognise the growth of the new
+competitive spirit in the sphere of production, and Mr. Punch looks forward
+to the establishment of Cup Competitions for Clydesdale Riveters and London
+Allotment workers. Woman's work in munition factories has already been
+applauded; her services on the land are now more in need than ever.
+
+[Illustration: WOMAN POWER
+
+CERES: "Speed the plough!"
+
+PLOUGHMAN: "I don't know who you are, ma'am, but it's no good speeding the
+plough unless we can get the women to do the harvesting."
+
+(Fifty thousand more women are wanted on the land to take the place of men
+called to the colours, if the harvest is to be got in.)]
+
+
+
+_June, 1918_.
+
+
+The danger is not past, but grounds for hope multiply. The new German
+assault between Montdidier and Noyon has brought little substantial gain at
+heavy cost. The attacks towards Paris have been held, and Paris, with
+admirable fortitude, makes little of the attentions of "Fat Bertha." "The
+struggle must be fought out," declared the Kaiser in the recent anniversary
+of his accession to the throne. In the meanwhile no opportunities of
+talking it out will be overlooked by the enemy. He is once more playing the
+old game of striving to promote discord between the Allies. At the very
+moment when the official communiqués announced the capture of 45,000
+prisoners, the Chancellor began a new peace-offensive, aimed primarily at
+France, and supported by mendacious reports that the French Government were
+starting for Bordeaux, Clemenceau overthrown, and Foch disgraced. But the
+campaign of falsehood has proved powerless to shake France or impose on the
+German people. Commandeered enthusiasm is giving place to grave discontent.
+The awakening of Germany has begun, and the promise of a speedy peace falls
+on deaf ears. In the process of enlightenment the Americans have played a
+conspicuous part, in spite of the persistent belittlement of the military
+experts in the official German Press. The stars in their courses have
+sometimes seemed to fight for Germany, but they are withdrawing their aid.
+
+[Illustration: "COMPLETE ACCORD"; OR, ALL DONE BY KINDNESS
+
+IMPERIAL TRAINER (to his dog Karl): "Now then,  no nonsense: through you
+go!"]
+
+[Illustration: THE CELESTIAL DUD.
+
+KAISER: "Ha! A new and brilliant star added to my constellation of the
+Eagle!"
+
+GENERAL FOCH: "On the wane, I think."
+
+(It is anticipated in astronomical circles that the new star, _Nova
+Aquilae_, will shortly disappear.)]
+
+The long struggle between von Kühlmann and the generals has ended in the
+fall of the Minister; but not before he had indicated to the Reichstag the
+possibility of another Thirty Years' War, and asserted that no intelligent
+man ever entertained the wish that Germany should attain world-domination.
+There was a time when this frank reflection on the Hohenzollern
+intelligence would have constituted _lèse-majesté._ Coming from a
+Minister it amounts to a portent. Now he has gone, but the growing belief
+that military operations cannot end the war has not been scotched by his
+fall, and Herr Erzberger vigorously carries on the campaign against
+Chancellor Hertling and the generals. Austria has been at last goaded into
+resuming the offensive on the Italian Front and met with a resounding
+defeat. It remains to be seen how Turkey and Bulgaria will respond to the
+urgent appeals of their exacting master.
+
+The ordeal of our men on the Western Front is terrible, but they have at
+least one grand and heartening stand-by in the knowledge that they have
+plenty of guns and no lack of shells behind them. This is the burden of the
+"Song of Plenty" from an old soldier to a young one:
+
+  The shelling's cruel bad, my son,
+    But don't you look too black,
+  For every blessed German one
+    He gets a dozen back--
+  But I remember the days
+    When shells were terrible few
+  And never the guns could bark and blaze
+    The same as they do for you.
+
+  But they sat in the swamp behind, my boy, and prayed for a tiny shell,
+  While Fritz, if he had the mind, my boy, could give us a first-class
+                hell;
+  And I know that a 5.9 looks bad to a bit of a London kid,
+  But I tell you you were a lucky lad to come out when you did.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+  Up in the line again, my son,
+    And dirty work, no doubt,
+  But when the dirty work is done
+    They'll take the Regiment out--
+  But I remember a day
+    When men were terrible few
+  And we hadn't reserves a mile away
+    The same as there are for you,
+
+But fourteen days at a stretch, my boy, and nothing about relief; Fight and
+carry and fetch, my boy, with rests exceeding brief; And rotten as all
+things sometimes are, they're not as they used to be, And you ought to
+thank your lucky star you didn't come out with me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Our mercurial Premier lays himself open to a good deal of legitimate
+criticism, but for this immense relief, unstinted thanks are due to his
+energy and the devoted labours of the munition workers, women as well as
+men.
+
+The Admiralty have decided not to publish the Zeebrugge dispatches for fear
+of giving information to the enemy. All he knows at present is that a score
+and more of his torpedo-boats, submarines, and other vessels have been
+securely locked up in the Bruges Canal by British Keyes. The Minister of
+Pensions has told the House the moving story of what has already been done
+to restore, so far as money and care can do it, the broken heroes of the
+War, and Lord Newton's alleged obstructiveness in regard to the treatment
+and exchange of prisoners has been discussed in the Lords. Mr. Punch's own
+impression is that Lord Newton owes his unmerited position as whipping boy
+to the fact that he does not suffer fools gladly, even if they come in the
+guise of newspaper reporters; and that, unlike his illustrious namesake, he
+has no use for the theory of gravity. Meanwhile the Kaiser, with a sublime
+disregard for sunk hospital-ships and bombed hospitals, continues to
+exhibit his bleeding heart to an astonished world.
+
+[Illustration: A PITIFUL POSE
+
+TEUTON CROCODILE: "I do so feel for the poor British wounded. I only wish
+we could do more for them."
+
+"We Germans will preserve our conception of Christian duty towards the sick
+and wounded"--_From recent remarks of the Kaiser reported by a German
+correspondent_.]
+
+Now that the Food Controller has got into his stride, the nation has begun
+to realise the huge debt it owes to his firmness and organising ability,
+and is proportionately concerned to hear of his breakdown from overwork.
+The queues have disappeared, supplies are adequate, and there are no
+complaints of class-favouritism.
+
+[Illustration: BOBBY (at the conclusion of dinner): "Mother, I don't know
+how it is, but I never seem to get that--that--nice sick feeling
+nowadays."]
+
+It is remarkable how the British soldier will pick up languages, or at
+least learn to interpret them. Only last week an American corporal stopped
+a British Sergeant and said: "Say, Steve, can you put me wise where I can
+barge into a boiled-shirt biscuit-juggler who would get me some eats?" And
+the Sergeant at once directed him to a café. The training of the new
+armies, to judge by the example depicted by our artist, affords fresh proof
+of the saying that love is a _liberal_ education.
+
+The situation on the Parliamentary Front has been fairly quiet. The popular
+pastime of asking when the promised Home Rule Bill is to be introduced is
+no longer met by suitably varied but invariably evasive replies. The
+Government has now frankly admitted that the policy of running Home Rule
+and Conscription in double harness has been abandoned, and expects better
+things from the new pair: Firm Government and Voluntary Recruiting. But
+sceptics are unconvinced that the Government will abandon the leniency
+prompted by "the insane view of creating an atmosphere in which something
+incomprehensible is to occur."
+
+[Illustration: MISTRESS (as the new troops go by): "Which of them is your
+cousin?"
+
+NURSEMAID (unguardedly): "I don't know yet, ma'am."]
+
+The lavish and, in many cases, inexplicable distribution of the Order of
+the British Empire bids fair to add a peculiar lustre to the undecorated.
+The War has produced no stranger paradox than the case of the gentleman who
+within the space of seven days was sentenced to six months' imprisonment
+for a breach of the Defence of the Realm regulations and recommended for
+the O.B.E. on account of good services to the country. The fact that the
+recommendation was withdrawn hardly justified the assumption of a
+Pacificist Member that a sentence under the Defence of the Realm Act was
+regarded as the higher honour of the two.
+
+There is one thing, however, that war at its worst cannot do. It cannot
+make an Englishman forgo that peculiar and blessed birthright which enables
+him to overthrow the Giant Despair with the weapon of whimsical humour--in
+other words, to write, as a young officer has written for Mr. Punch, such a
+set of verses as the following in June, 1918:
+
+THE BEST SMELL OF ALL
+
+  When noses first were carved for men
+    Of varied width and height,
+  Strange smells and sweet were fashioned then
+    That all might know delight--
+  Smells for the hooked, the snub, the fine,
+    The pug, the gross, the small,
+  A smell for each, and one divine
+    Last smell to soothe them all.
+
+  The baccy smell, the smell of peat,
+    The rough gruff smell of tweed,
+  The rain smell on a dusty street
+    Are all good smells indeed;
+  The sea smell smelt through resinous trees,
+    The smell of burning wood,
+  The saintly smell of dairies--these
+    Are all rich smells and good.
+
+  And good the smell the nose receives
+    From new-baked loaves, from hops,
+  From churches, from decaying leaves,
+    From pinks, from grocers' shops;
+  And smells of rare and fine bouquet
+    Proceed, the world allows,
+  From petrol, roses, cellars, hay,
+    Scrubbed planks, hot gin and cows.
+
+  But there's a smell that doth excel
+    All other smells by far,
+  Even the tawny stable smell
+    Or the boisterous smell of tar;
+  A smell stupendous, past compare,
+    The king of smells, the prize,
+  That smell which floods the startled air
+    When home-cured bacon fries!
+
+  All other smells, whate'er their worth,
+    Though dear and richly prized,
+  Are earthy smells and of the earth,
+    Are smells disparadised;
+  But when that smell of smells awakes
+    From ham of perfect cure,
+  It lifts the heart to heaven and makes
+    The doom of Satan sure.
+
+  How good to sit at twilight's close
+    In a warm inn and feel
+  That marvellous smell caress the nose
+    With promise of a meal!
+  How good when bell for breakfast rings
+    To pause, while tripping down,
+  And snuff and snuff till Fancy brings
+    All Arcady to Town!
+
+  But best, when day's first glimmerings break
+    Through curtains half withdrawn,
+  To lie and smell it, scarce awake,
+    In some great farm at dawn;
+  Cocks crow, the milkmaid clanks the pails,
+    The housemaid bangs the stairs;
+  And BACON suddenly assails
+    The nostrils unawares.
+
+  Noses of varied width and height
+    Doth kindly Heaven bestow,
+  And choice of smells for our delight,
+    That all some joy may know;
+  Noses and smells for all the race
+    That on this earth do dwell,
+  And for a final act of grace
+    The astounding bacon smell.
+
+But the War has its drawbacks, and owing to its unexpected prolongation
+there is a rumour that Mr. H.G. Wells will readjust his ideas on the
+subject quarterly instead of twice a week as before.
+
+
+
+_July, 1918._
+
+
+"France's Day" was held on July 14 under the auspices of the British Red
+Cross Committee. But this has been France's month, the month in which the
+miracle of the first battle of the Marne has been equalled by the second,
+and the Germans have been hurled back across the fatal river by the
+tremendous counterstroke of General Foch.
+
+[Illustration: HUN TO HUN
+
+ATTILA (to Little Willie): "Speaking as one barbarian to another, I don't
+recommend the neighbourhood. I found it a bit unhealthy myself."
+
+(Attila's victorious progress across Gaul was finally checked on the plains
+of Châlons.)]
+
+[Illustration: VERY MUCH UP
+
+A Champagne Counter-Offensive]
+
+On the 15th the Germans launched their great offensive. On the 20th they
+recrossed the Marne, and are now entitled to complain that General Foch not
+only took over the French and British armies, but has recently started
+taking over a good part of the German army. The neighbourhood has never
+been a healthy one for the Huns since the days of Attila.
+
+Fritz has crossed the Marne and recrossed it--according to plan--and is
+already on the way to the Aisne. The battle of the rivers has begun again,
+but on new lines. Yet this amazing turn of the tide has been taken very
+quietly in France and England. The Allies have rung no joy-bells; they are
+content with doing their best to give Germany no occasion for further
+indulgence in that form of jubilation. And Germany is meeting them more
+than half way, their authorities having ordered a supplementary requisition
+of those church-bells which were exempted when the first confiscation was
+made. "At this heavy hour," said von Kühlmann to the Reichstag, "none of us
+fully realise what we owe to the German Emperor." That was a month ago; the
+realisation of their indebtedness has since advanced by leaps and bounds.
+There are now 1,000,000 Americans in France. But the Kaiser and his
+War-lords are still passing their victims through the fire to the
+Pan-German Moloch, and threatening to send German generals to teach the
+Austrian Army how to win offensives. It is even reported that the Germans
+contemplate placing the ex-king of Greece on the throne of Finland.
+Fantastic rumours are rife in these days; but there is only too good reason
+to believe the report that the ex-Tsar, the Tsaritsa, and their daughters
+have all been murdered by their brutal captors at Ekaterinburg. It seems
+but yesterday when Nicholas was acclaimed as the Saviour and regenerator of
+his people, and now Tsardom, irrevocably fallen from its high estate, has
+gone down amid scenes of butchery and barbarity that eclipse the Reign of
+Terror in France.
+
+Little has happened at Westminster to indicate a consciousness on the part
+of the members of the great and glorious events in France. The Irish
+Expeditionary Force, after an absence of three months and a severe training
+at home, has returned to the Parliamentary Front, and their war-cry is
+"Devlin's the friend, not Shortt!" But the Chief Secretary was able to make
+the gratifying announcement that the voluntary recruiting campaign is to be
+assisted by several Nationalist M.P.'s, including Captain Stephen Gwynn,
+who has been serving in the trenches, and Colonel Lynch, who, having raised
+one Irish brigade to fight against us in the Boer War, and been sentenced
+to death for doing it, has now, with an inconsistency we cannot too
+gratefully recognise, undertaken to raise another to fight on our side. Mr.
+Bonar Law has revealed the interesting fact that only 288 members of the
+House of Commons have received titles, decorations, or offices of profit
+since it was elected in December, 1910. The unnoticed residue are probably
+wondering whether it is their own modesty or the shortsightedness of
+Ministers that has caused them to be passed over. Mr. Billing, after
+several pathetic but futile efforts to regain his place in the limelight,
+has at last succeeded in getting himself named, suspended, and forcibly
+assisted by four stalwart officials in his exit from the House--the most
+salutary movement, in the opinion of most members, with which he has yet
+been connected.
+
+Admiral Sir Rosslyn Wemyss, in a recent speech, said that the association
+between the two Services, the Royal Navy and the Mercantile Marine, had
+been so close during the War, whatever that association might have been
+before, that it seemed to him almost incredible that it could ever be
+broken asunder. The First Sea Lord's statement is welcome and natural. But
+there is nothing really new in this solidarity of the seas. The Secret of
+the Ships is an old story:
+
+  On their ventures in the service of a Tudor King or Queen
+    All the ships were just as like as they could be,
+  For the merchantman gave battle, while the Royal ship was seen
+    As a not too simple trader over-sea:
+  Being heirs to ancient customs, when their upper sails came down
+    As a token of respect in passing by,
+  They would add the salutation in a language of their own,
+    "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I."
+
+  As the centuries receded came a parting of the ways
+    Till in time the separation went so far
+  That a family was founded who were traders all their days,
+    And another who were always men-of-war;
+  But whene'er they dipped their colours, one in faith, they understood--
+    And the sea, who taught them both, could tell you why--
+  That the custom never altered, so the greeting still held good,
+    "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I."
+
+  Then in days of common sacrifice and peril was it strange
+    That they ratified the union of the past?
+  While their Masters, unsuspecting, greatly marvelled at the change,
+    But they prayed with all their souls that it would last;
+  And the ships, who know the secret, go rejoicing on their way,
+    For whatever be the ensign that they fly,
+  Such as keep the seas with honour are united when they pray,
+    "God speed you, we be sisters, thou and I."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+"WAR PICTURES"
+
+THE MOTHER: "Of course, I don't understand them, dear; but they give me a
+dreadful feeling. I can't bear to look at them. Is it really like that at
+the Front?"
+
+THE WARRIOR (who has seen terrible things in battle): "Thank heaven, no,
+mother."]
+
+England deplores the death of Lord Rhondda, who achieved success in the
+most irksome and invidious of offices. He undertook the duties of Food
+Controller in broken health, never spared himself, and died in harness. It
+is to be hoped that he realised what was the truth--that he had won not
+only the confidence but the gratitude of the public.
+
+Spain has rendered herself unpleasantly conspicuous by developing and
+exporting a new form of influenza, and a Spanish astrologer predicts the
+end of the world in a few months' time. But we are not going to allow those
+petty distractions to take our minds off the War. Here we may note that
+Baron Burian's recent message indicates that but for the War everything
+would be all right in Austria. Our artists are certainly determined not to
+let us forget it. But the most valuable pictures do not find their way into
+galleries, though they do not lack appreciative spectators.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER: "That's very clever. Who did it?"
+
+SERGEANT. "Oh, that's by Perkins, sir--quite an expert. Used to paint
+sparrows before the war and sell 'em for canaries."]
+
+No record of the month would be complete without notice of the unique way
+in which the Fourth of July has been celebrated by John Bull and Uncle Sam
+in France. Truly such a meeting as this does make amends.
+
+
+
+_August, 1918_.
+
+
+July was a glorious month for the Allies, and August is even better. It
+began with the recovery of Soissons; a week later it was the turn of the
+British, and Sir Douglas Haig struck hard on the Amiens front; since then
+the enemy have been steadily driven back by the unrelenting pressure of the
+Allies, Bapaume and Noyon have been recaptured, and with their faces set
+for home the Germans have learnt to recognise in a new and unpleasant sense
+the truth of the Kaiser's saying, "The worst is behind us." The 8th of
+August was a bad day for Germany, for it showed that the counter-offensive
+was not to be confined to one section; that henceforth no respite would be
+allowed from hammer-blows. The German High Command endeavours to
+tranquillise the German people by _communiqués_, the gist of which may
+thus be rendered in verse:
+
+  In those very identical regions
+    That sunder the Marne from the Aisne
+  We advanced to the rear with our legions
+    Long ago and have done it again;
+  Fools murmur of errors committed,
+    But every intelligent man
+  Has accepted the view that we flitted
+    According to plan.
+
+The French rivers have found their voice again:
+
+      'Twas the voice of the Marne
+      That began it with "Garn!
+      Full speed, Fritz, astarn!"
+      Then the Ourcq and the Crise
+      Sang "Move on, if you please."
+      The Ardre and the Vesle
+      Took up the glad tale,
+      And cried to the Aisne
+      "Wash out the Hun stain."
+  So all the way back from the Marne the French rivers
+  Have given the Boches in turn the cold shivers.
+
+[Illustration: "ACCORDING TO PLAN"
+
+LITTLE WILLIE: "Well, Father wanted a war of movement, and now he's got
+it!"]
+
+[Illustration: VON POT AND VON KETTLE
+
+GERMAN GENERAL: "Why the devil don't you stop these Americans coming
+across? That's your job."
+
+GERMAN ADMIRAL: "And why the devil don't you stop 'em when they _are_
+across? That's yours."]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+CHILD (who has been made much of by father home on leave for the first time
+for two years): "Mummy dear, I like that man you call your husband."]
+
+Hindenburg has confided to a newspaper correspondent that the German people
+need to develop the virtue of patience. According to the _Berliner
+Tageblatt_ he has declared that he was not in favour of the July
+offensive. Ludendorff, on the other hand, may fairly point out that it
+isn't his offensive any longer. Anyhow, Hindenburg is fairly entitled to
+give Ludendorff the credit of it since Ludendorff's friends have always
+said that he supplied the old Mud-Marshal with brains. The amenities of
+the High Command are growing lively, since the Navy is also concerned,
+and the failure of the U-boats to check the influx of American troops
+needs a lot of explaining away. The good news from the Front has been
+received at home with remarkable composure, when one considers the
+acute anxiety of the last four months. But it is the way of England to
+endure felicity with calmness and adversity with fortitude. In the House of
+Lords Lord Inchcape and Lord Emmott have been propitiating Nemesis by their
+warnings of the gloomy financial future that is in store for us, while in
+the Commons the Bolshevist group below the gangway are apparently much
+perturbed by the prospect that Russia may be helped on to her legs again by
+the Allies. Mr. Dillon's indictment of the Government for their treatment
+of Ireland has had, however, a welcome if unexpected result. Mr. Shortt,
+the new Chief Secretary, an avowed and unrepentant Home Ruler, has been
+telling Mr. Dillon's followers a few plain truths about themselves: that
+they have made no effort to turn the Home Rule Act into a practical
+measure; that instead of denouncing Sinn Fein they had followed its lead;
+that they had attacked the Irish executive when they ought to have
+supported it, and by their refusal to help recruiting had forfeited the
+sympathy of the British working classes. Mr. Lloyd George, in his review
+of the War, warned the peacemongers not to expect their efforts to
+succeed until the enemy knew he was beaten, but vouchsafed no information
+as to his alleged intention to go to the country in the political sense.
+In spite of the Premier's warning the Pacificists made another futile
+attempt on the very next day to convince the House that the Germans were
+ready to make an honest peace if only our Government would listen to it.
+They were well answered by Mr. Robertson, who was a Pacificist himself
+until this War converted him, and by Mr. Balfour, who declared that we
+were quite ready to talk to Germany as soon as she showed any sign of
+a change of heart. Up to the present there has been no sign of it.
+
+Food is still the universal topic. Small green apples, says a contemporary,
+are proving popular. A boy correspondent, however, desires Mr. Punch to say
+that he has a little inside information to the contrary. Nottingham
+children, it is stated, are to be paid 3d. a pound for gathering
+blackberries, but they are not to use their own receptacles. Captain
+Amundsen is on his way to the Pole, but we fear that he will not find any
+cheese there. The vocabulary of food control has even made its way to the
+nursery. A small girl on being informed by her nurse that a new little baby
+brother had come to live with her promptly replied: "Well, he can't stay
+unless he's brought his coupons."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+LATEST ADDITION TO MINISTRY STAFF: "What's the tea-time here?"
+
+CICERONE: "Usual--three to five-thirty."]
+
+Yet one of Mr. Punch's poets, in prophetic and optimistic strain, has
+actually dared to speculate on the delights of life without "Dora";
+Dickens, with the foresight of genius, wrote in "David Copperfield" how his
+hero "felt it would have been an act of perfidy to Dora to have a natural
+relish for my dinner."
+
+The enterprise of _The Times_ in securing the reminiscences of the
+Kaiser's American dentist (or gum-architect, as he is called in his native
+land) has aroused mingled feelings. But the Kaiser is reported to have
+stated in no ambiguous terms that if, after the War, any Americans are to
+be given access to him, from Ambassadors downwards, they must be able
+neither to read nor write. _The Times_ is also responsible for the
+headline: "The Archangel Landing." There was a rumour of something of this
+kind after Mons, but this is apparently official.
+
+One prominent effect of the War has been to make two Propagandist
+Departments flourish where none grew before, and it is to be feared that
+the reflection on the industry of our new officials implied in the picture
+on the previous page is not without foundation.
+
+War has not only stimulated the composition, but the perusal of poetry,
+especially among women:
+
+  When the Armageddon diet
+  Makes Priscilla feel unquiet,
+  She prescribes herself (from Pope)
+  An acidulated trope.
+
+  When the lard-hunt ruffles Rose
+  Wordsworth lulls her to repose,
+  While a snippet from the "Swan"
+  Stops the jam-yearn of Yvonne.
+
+  When the man-slump makes her fretty
+  Susie takes to D. Rossetti,
+  Though her sister Arabella
+  Rather fancies Wilcox (Ella).
+
+  When Evangelina swoons
+  At the sound of the maroons,
+  Mrs. Hemans comes in handy
+  As a substitute for brandy.
+
+  And when Auntie heard by chance
+  That the Curate was in France,
+  Browning's enigmatic lyrics
+  Helped to save her from hysterics.
+
+
+
+_September, 1918_.
+
+
+Since July 15th, when the Kaiser mounted a high observation post to watch
+the launching of the offensive which was to achieve his crowning victory,
+but proved the prelude of the German collapse, the conflict has raged
+continuously and with uninterrupted success for the Allied Armies. The
+Kaiser Battle has become the Battle of Liberation. The French bore the
+initial burden of the attack, but since August 8 "hundreds of thousands of
+unbeaten Tommies," to quote the phrase of a French military expert, have
+entered into action in a succession of attacks started one after the other
+all the way up to Flanders. Rawlinson, Home, and Byng have carried on the
+hammer work begun by Mangin, Gouraud, and Debeney. Péronne has been
+recovered, the famous Drocourt-Quéant switch-line has been breached, the
+Americans have flattened out the St. Mihiel salient. The perfect liaison of
+British and French and Americans has been a wonderful example of combined
+effort rendered possible by unity of command. "Marshal Foch strikes to-day
+at a new front," is becoming a standing headline. And this highly desirable
+"epidemic of strikes" is not confined to the Western Front. As
+Generalissimo of all the Allied Forces the great French Marshal has planned
+and carried out an _ensemble_ of operations designed to shatter and
+demoralise the enemy at every point. The long inaction on the Salonika
+Front has been ended by the rapid and triumphant advance of the British,
+French, Serbians, and Greeks under General Franchet d'Esperey. Eight days
+sufficed to smash the Bulgarians, and the armistice then granted was
+followed four days later by the surrender of Bulgaria. In less than a
+fortnight General Allenby pushed north from Jerusalem, annihilated the
+Turkish armies in Palestine, and captured Damascus. And by the end of the
+month the Hindenburg line had been breached and gone the way of the "Wotan"
+line. Wotan was not a happy choice:
+
+  But even super-Germans are wont at times to nod,
+  And to borrow Wotan's aegis was indubitably odd;
+  For dark decline o'erwhelmed his line: he saw his god-head wane,
+  And his stately palace vanish in a red and ruinous vain.
+
+[Illustration: STORM DRIVEN
+
+THE KAISER: "I don't like this wind, my son. Which way is it?"
+
+THE CROWN PRINCE: "Up!"]
+
+[Illustration: IN RESERVE
+
+GERMAN EAGLE (to German Dove): "Here, carry on for a bit, will you I'm
+feeling rather run down."]
+
+Well may the Berlin _Tageblatt_ say that "the war stares us in the
+face and stares very hard." When a daily paper announces "Half Crown
+Prince's army turned over to another General," we are curious to know how
+much the Half Crown Prince thinks the German Sovereign worth. But the end
+is not yet. Our pride in the achievements of our Armies and Generals, in
+the heroism of our Allies and the strategy of Marshal Foch does not blind
+us to the skill and tenacity with which the Germans are conducting their
+retreat. Fritz is a tough fighter; if only he had fought a clean fight we
+could look forward to a thorough reconciliation. But that is a far cry for
+those who have been in the war, farthest of all for our sailormen, who can
+never forget certain acts of frightfulness.
+
+  Hans Dans an' me was shipmates once, an' if 'e'd fought us clean,
+  Why shipmates still when war was done might Hans an' me 'ave been;
+  The truest pals a man can have are them 'e's fought before,
+  But--never no more, Hans Dans, my lad, so 'elp me, never no more!
+
+Austria has issued a Peace Note, and the German Chancellor has declared
+that Germany is opposed to annexation in any form. The German Eagle, making
+a virtue of necessity, is ready to give the bird of Peace an innings.
+
+[Illustration: ALARMING SPREAD OF BOBBING]
+
+The two Emmas, Ack and Pip, are naturally furious at the adoption of the
+twenty-four hours' system of reckoning time, which means that their
+occupation will be gone, and that like other old soldiers they will fade
+away. Amongst other innovations we have to note the spread of "bobbing,"
+the further possibilities of which are alarming to contemplate.
+
+Ferdinand, Tsar of Bulgaria, great grandson of Philippe Egalité, finding
+Sofia unhealthy, has been recuperating at Vienna. His future plans are
+vague, but it is thought he may join the ex-Kings' Club in Switzerland.
+Lenin, the Bolshevist Dictator, has recently experienced an attempt on his
+life, and retaliated in a fashion which would have done credit to a
+mediaeval despot. England still refuses to indulge in joy bells or bunting,
+but the London police have seized the occasion to strike on the home front.
+Their operations have been promptly if inconsistently rewarded by the
+removal of their chief and his elevation to the baronetcy.
+
+Parliament is not sitting, and the voice of the Pro-Boche and the Pro-Bolsh
+is temporarily hushed. We have to note, however, a most welcome
+_rapprochement_ between Downing and Carmelite Streets--the _Daily
+Mail_ has praised the Foreign Office for an "excellent piece of work,"
+and the scapegoat, unexpectedly caressed, is sitting up and taking
+nourishment.
+
+The harvest has been a success, thanks to the energy of the new
+land-workers, the armies behind the army:
+
+  All the talent is here--all the great and the lesser,
+    The proud and the humble, the stout and the slim,
+  The second form boy and the aged professor,
+    Grade three and the hero in want of a limb.
+
+Four years of war have brought curious changes to "our village":
+
+  Our baker's in the Flying Corps,
+    Our butcher's in the Buffs,
+  Our one policeman cares no more
+    For running in the roughs,
+  But carves a pathway to the stars
+    As trooper in the Tenth Hussars.
+
+  The Mayor's a Dublin Fusilier,
+    The clerk's a Royal Scot,
+  The bellman is a brigadier
+    And something of a pot;
+  The barber, though at large, is spurned;
+    The Blue Boar's waiter is interned.
+
+  The postman, now in Egypt, wears
+    A medal on his coat;
+  The vet. is breeding Belgian hares,
+    The vicar keeps a goat;
+  The schoolma'am knits upon her stool;
+    The village idiot gathers wool.
+
+[Illustrations: FARMER AND THE FARM LABOURER
+
+First week
+
+Second week
+
+Third week
+
+Fourth week]
+
+The husbandman and his new help have undergone mutual transformation. And
+our cadet battalions are making themselves very much at home at Oxford and
+Cambridge.
+
+[Illustration: CADET: "Really, from the way these College Authorities make
+themselves at home you'd think the place belonged to them."]
+
+The Navy still remains the silent Service, but, as the need for reticence
+is being relaxed by the triumph of our arms, we are beginning to learn
+something, though unofficially as yet, of that "plaything of the Navy and
+nightmare of the Huns"--the Q-boat:
+
+  She can weave a web of magic for the unsuspecting foe,
+    She can scent the breath of Kultur leagues away,
+  She can hear a U-boat thinking in Atlantic depths below
+    And disintegrate it with a Martian ray;
+      She can feel her way by night
+      Through the minefield of the Bight;
+  She has all the tricks of science, grave and gay.
+
+  In the twinkle of a searchlight she can suffer a sea-change
+    From a collier to a _Shamrock_ under sail,
+  From a Hyper-super-Dreadnought, old Leviathan at range,
+  To a lightship or a whaler or a whale;
+     With some canvas and a spar
+     She can mock the morning star
+  As a haystack or the flotsam of a gale.
+
+  She's the derelict you chartered north of Flores outward-bound,
+  She's the iceberg that you sighted coming back,
+  She's the salt-rimed Biscay trawler heeling home to Plymouth Sound,
+  She's the phantom-ship that crossed the moon-beams' track;
+     She's the rock where none should be
+     In the Adriatic Sea,
+  She's the wisp of fog that haunts the Skagerrack.
+
+Recognition of services faithfully done is an endless task; but Mr. Punch
+is glad to print the valedictory tribute of one of the boys in blue to a
+V.A.D.--a class that has come in for much undeserved criticism.
+
+  While willy-nilly I must go
+  A-hunting of the Hun,
+  You'll carry on--which now I know
+  (Although I've helped to rag you so)
+  Means great work greatly done.
+
+Among the minor events of the month has been the christening of a baby by
+the names of Grierson Plumer Haig French Smith-Dorrien, as its father
+served under these generals. The idea is, no doubt, to prevent the child
+when older from asking: "What did you do in the Great War, Daddy?"
+
+England, as we have already said, endures its triumphs with composure. But
+our printers are not altogether immune from excitement. An evening paper
+informs us that "the dwifficuplties of passing from rigid trench warfare to
+field warfare are gigantic and perhaps unsurmountable." And only our innate
+sense of comradeship deters us from naming the distinguished contemporary
+which recently published an article entitled: "The Importance of Bray."
+
+
+
+_October, 1918_.
+
+
+THE growing _crescendo_ of success has reached its climax in this, the
+most wonderful month of our _annus mirabilis._ Every day brings
+tidings of a new victory. St. Quentin, Cambrai, and Laon had all been
+recaptured in the first fortnight. On the 17th Ostend, Lille, and Douai
+were regained, Bruges was reoccupied on the 19th, and by the 20th the
+Belgian Army under King Albert, reinforced by the French and Americans, and
+with the Second British Army under General Plumer on the right, had
+compelled the Germans to evacuate the whole coast of Flanders. The Battle
+of Liberation, which began on the Marne in July, is now waged
+uninterruptedly from the Meuse to the sea. Only in Lorraine has the advance
+of the American Army been held up by the difficulties of the _terrain_
+and the exceptionally stubborn resistance of the Germans.
+
+Elsewhere the "war of movement" has gone on with unrelenting energy
+according to Foch's plan, which suggests a revision of Pope:
+
+  Great Foch's law is by this rule exprest,
+  Prevent the coming, speed the parting pest.
+
+The German, true to his character of the world's worst loser and winner,
+leaves behind him all manner of booby-traps, some puerile, many diabolical,
+which give our sappers plenty of work, cause a good many casualties, and
+only confirm the resolve of the victors.
+
+According to a German paper--the _Rhenish Westphalian
+Gazette_--ex-criminals are being drafted into the German Army. But the
+Allies propose to treat them without invidious distinction. The Crown
+Prince recently observed that he had "many friends in the Entente
+countries"; as a matter of fact, we seem to be getting them at the rate of
+about twenty-five thousand a week. The criminals in the German Navy have
+again been busy, adding to their previous exploits the sinking of the
+passenger steamer _Leinster_, in the Irish Channel, with heavy loss of
+life, the worst disaster of the kind since the torpedoing of the
+_Lusitania_. Yet it is Germany that is the sinking ship. Ferdinand of
+Bulgaria has joined the League of Abdication, and according to a Sofia
+telegram, will devote himself to scientific pursuits. His only regret is
+that the Allies thought of it first. Prince Friedrich Karl of Hesse says
+that his accession to the throne of Finland will not take place for two
+years, and for the first time since his emergence into publicity we find
+ourselves in agreement with this monarch-elect. Ludendorff has resigned.
+Austria is suing for peace; Count Tisza asks: "Why not admit frankly that
+we have lost the War?" The Italians have crossed the Piave, and the
+Serbians have reached the Danube. Turkey has been granted an armistice, and
+with the daily victories of the Allies comes the daily report that the
+Kaiser has abdicated.
+
+[Illustration: SOLDIER AND CIVILIAN
+
+MARSHAL FOCH (to Messrs. Clemenceau, Wilson and Lloyd George): "If you're
+going up that road, gentlemen, look out for booby-traps."]
+
+Prince Max of Baden, the successor of Hertling in the Chancellorship, whose
+appointment hardly bears out the promise of popular government, has issued
+a pacific Manifesto which inspires an "Epitaph in anticipation":
+
+  In memory of poor Prince Max,
+  Who, posing as the friend of Pax,
+  Yet was not noticeably lax
+  In the true Teuton faith which hacks
+  Its way along; forbidden tracks,
+  Marks bloody dates on almanacs
+  And holds all promises as wax;
+  Breeding, where once we knew Hans Sachs,
+  A race of monomaniacs....
+  But now illusion's mirror cracks,
+  The radiant vision fades, the axe
+  Lies at the root. So farewell, Max!
+
+Certain people have proclaimed their opinion that the German nation ought
+not to be humiliated. When all is said, Mr. Punch saves his pity for our
+murdered dead.
+
+Parliament has met again, not that there is any very urgent need for their
+labours just now. With a caution that seemed excessive Mr. Bonar Law has
+thought it premature to discuss a military situation changing every
+hour--though happily always for the better--or even to propose a formal
+Vote of Thanks to men who are daily adding to their harvest of laurels. On
+better grounds discussion of Mr. Wilson's famous "fourteen points" and of
+demobilisation has been deprecated. The suggestion--made opportunely on
+Trafalgar Day--for securing marks of distinction for our merchant seamen
+gained a sympathetic hearing, and the proposal to make women eligible for
+Parliament has been carried after a serious debate by an overwhelming
+majority in which the _ci-devant_ anti-suffragists were as prominent
+as the others. Five years ago such a motion would have furnished an orgy of
+alleged humour, and been laughed out of the House. Mr. Dillon and his
+colleagues have put a great many questions about the torpedoing of the
+_Leinster_ and the lack of an escort. But it is unfortunate that their
+tone suggested more indignation with the alleged laches of the Admiralty
+than horror at the German crime. Irish indignation over the outrage,
+according to a Nationalist M.P., is intense; but not to the point of
+expressing itself in khaki.
+
+[Illustration: Die Nacht am Rhein]
+
+[Illustration: PROSPEROUS IRISH FARMER: "And what about the War, your
+Riverence? Do ye think it will hould?"]
+
+The woes of the Irish harvest labourers in England have not yet been fully
+appreciated, and seem to demand a revised version of "Moira O'Neill's"
+beautiful poem:
+
+THE IRISH EXILE
+
+  Over here in England I'm slavin' in the rain;
+  Six-an'-six a day we get, an' beds that wanst were clane;
+  Weary on the English work, 'tis killin' me that same--
+  Och, Muckish Mountain, where I used to lie an' dhrame!
+
+  At night the windows here are black as Father Murphy's hat;
+  'Tis fivepence for a pint av beer, an' thin ye can't get that;
+  Their beef has shtrings like anny harp, for dacent ham I hunt--
+  Och, Muckish Mountain, an' my pig's sweet grunt!
+
+  Sure there's not a taste av butthermilk that wan can buy or beg,
+  Thin their sweet milk has no crame, an' is as blue as a duck-egg;
+  Their whisky is as wake as wather-gruel in a bowl--Och,
+  Muckish Mountain, where the _poteen_ warms yer sowl!
+
+  'Tis mesilf that longs for Irish air an' gran' ould Donegal,
+  Where there's lashins and there's lavins and no scarcity at all;
+  Where no wan cares about the War, but just to ate an' play--
+  Och, Muckish Mountain, wid yer feet beside the say!
+
+  Sure these Englishmin don't spare thimselves in this thremenjus fight;
+  They say 'tis life or death for thim, an', faith, they may be right;
+  But Father Murphy tells me that it's no consarn av mine--
+  Och, Muckish Mountain, where the white clouds shine!
+
+  Over there in Ireland we're very fond av peace,
+  Though we break the heads av Orangemin an' batther the police;
+  For we're all agin the Governmint wheriver we may be--
+  Och, Muckish Mountain, an' the wild wind blowin' free!
+
+  If they tuk me out to Flandhers, bedad I'd have to fight,
+  An' I'm tould thim Jarman vagabones won't let ye sleep at night;
+  So I'm going home to Ireland wid English notes galore--
+  Och, Muckish Mountain, I will niver lave ye more!
+
+By way of contrast there is the mood of the Old Contemptibles, but it is
+only fair to add that there are Irishmen among them:
+
+THE OLD-TIMER
+
+  'E aint't bin 'ung with medals, like a lot o' chaps abaht;
+  'E's wore a little dingy but 'e isn't wearin' aht;
+  'Is ole tin 'at is battered, but it isn't battered in,
+  An' if 'e ain't fergot to grouse, 'e ain't fergot to grin.
+
+  I fancy that 'e's aged a bit since fust the War begun;
+  'E's 'ad 'is fill o' fightin' an' 'e's 'ad 'is share o' fun;
+  'Is eyes is kind o' quiet an' 'is mouth is sort o' set,
+  But if I didn't know 'im well I wouldn't know 'im yet.
+
+  I recollec' the look of 'im the time o' the retreat,
+  The blood was through 'is toonic an' the skin was orf 'is feet;
+  But "Come aboard the bus," say 'e, "or you'll be lef be'ind!"
+  An' takes me weight upon 'is back--it 'asn't slip me mind.
+
+  It might 'ave 'appened yesterday, it comes to me so plain;
+  'E's dahn an' up a dozen times, a-reeling through the rain;
+  It might 'ave bin lars' Saturday I seem to 'ear 'im say:
+  "There's plenty room a-top, me lad, an' nothin' more to pay."
+
+  'E ain't bin 'ung with medals like a blackamore with beads;
+  'E doesn't figure on the screen a-doin' darin' deeds;
+  But reckon I'll be lucky if I gets to Kingdom Come
+  Along o' that Contemptible wot wouldn't leave a chum.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+FIRST CONTEMPTIBLE: "D'you remember halting here on the retreat, George?"
+
+SECOND DITTO: "Can't call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village
+in the wood there down by the river, or was it that place with the
+cathedral and all them factories?"]
+
+Amongst other items of news we have to chronicle the appointment of Mr.
+Arnold Bennett as a Director of Propaganda, the steady growth of
+goat-keeping, and the exactions of taxi-drivers. It is now suggested that
+if one of these pirates should charge you largely in excess of his legal
+fare, you should tell him that you have nothing less than a five-pound
+note. If you have an honest face and speak kindly he will probably accept
+the amount.
+
+[Illustration: THE SANDS RUN OUT]
+
+Mr. Bonar Law has been making trips to and from France by aeroplane. The
+report that a number of members of the Opposition have been invited by the
+Admiralty to make a descent in a depth-charge turns out to be unfounded.
+The prospects of peace are being discussed on public platforms, but, as
+yet, with commendable discretion. Mr. Roberts, our excellent Minister of
+Labour, has made bold to say that "the happenings of the last six weeks
+justify us in the belief that peace is much nearer than it was during the
+earlier part of the year." And a weekly paper has offered a prize of £500
+to the reader who predicts the date when the War will end. Meanwhile,
+Hanover is said to have made Hindenburg a birthday present of a house in
+the neighbourhood of the Zoological Gardens in that city, and we suggest
+that before this gift is incorporated in the peace-terms the words "the
+neighbourhood of" should be deleted.
+
+
+
+_November, 1918_.
+
+
+The end has come with a swiftness that has outdone the hopes of the most
+sanguine optimists. In the first eleven days of November we have seen
+history in the making on a larger scale and with larger possibilities than
+at any time since the age of Napoleon, perhaps since the world began.
+
+[Illustration: VICTORY!]
+
+To take the chief events in order, the Versailles Conference opened on the
+1st; on the 3rd Austria gave in and the resolve of the German Naval High
+Command to challenge the Grand Fleet in the North Sea was paralysed by the
+mutiny at Kiel; on the 5th the Versailles Conference gave full powers to
+Marshal Foch to arrange the terms of an armistice, and President Wilson
+addressed the last of his Notes to Germany; on the 6th the American Army
+reached Sedan; on the 9th Marshal Foch received Erzberger and the other
+German Envoys, the Berlin Revolution broke out, and the Kaiser abdicated;
+on the 10th the Kaiser fled to Holland, and the British reached Mons. The
+wheel had come full circle. The Belgian, British, French, and American
+Armies now formed a semi-circle from Ghent to Sedan, and threatened to
+surround the German Armies already in retreat and crowded into the narrow
+valley of the Meuse. Everything was ready for Foch's final attack; indeed,
+he was on the point of attacking when the Germans, recognising that they
+were faced with the prospect of a Sedan ten times greater than that of
+1870, signed on November 11 an armistice which was equivalent to a military
+capitulation, and gave Marshal Foch all that he wanted without the heavy
+losses which further fighting would have undoubtedly involved. He had shown
+himself the greatest military genius of the War. Here, in the words of one
+of his former colleagues at the Ecole de Guerre, he proved himself free
+from the stains which have so often tarnished great leaders in war, the
+lust of conquest and personal ambition. Not only the Allies, but the whole
+world owes an incalculable debt to this soldier of justice, compact of
+reason and faith, imperturbable in adversity, self-effacing in the hour of
+victory. Glorious also is the record of the other French Generals: the
+strong-souled Pétain, hero of Verdun; the heroic Maunoury; Castlenau and
+Mangin, Gouraud. Debeney, and Franchet d'Esperey, Captains Courageous,
+worthy of France, her cause, and her indomitable _poilus_. In the
+record of acknowledgment France stands first since her sacrifices and
+losses have been heaviest, and she gave us in Foch the chief organiser of
+victory, in Clemenceau the most inspiring example of intrepid
+statesmanship. But the War could not have been won without England and the
+Empire; without the ceaseless vigil in the North Sea; without the heroes of
+Jutland and Coronel, of the Falkland Isles and Zeebrugge, of the Fleets
+behind the Fleet; without the services of Smith-Dorrien at Mons, French at
+Ypres; without the dogged endurance, the inflexible will and the
+self-sacrificing loyalty of Haig; the dash of Maude and Allenby; the
+steadfast leadership in defence and offence of Plumer and Byng, Home and
+Rawlinson and Birdwood.
+
+[Illustration: OUR MAN
+
+With Mr. Punch's Grateful Compliments to Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig.]
+
+[Illustration: THE FINAL TOMMY;(ex-footballer): "We was just wipin' them
+off the face of the earth when Foch blows his whistle and shouts 'Temps!'"]
+
+These are only some of the heroes who have added to the glories of our
+blood and State, but the roll is endless--wonderful gunners and sappers and
+airmen and dispatch riders, devoted surgeons and heroic nurses,
+stretcher-bearers and ambulance drivers. But Mr. Punch's special heroes are
+the Second Lieutenants and the Tommy who went on winning the War all the
+time and never said that he was winning it until it was won.
+
+As for the young officers, dead and living, their record is the best answer
+to the critics, mostly of the arm-chair type, who have chosen this time to
+assail our public school system. In the papers of one of them killed on
+August 28 there was found an article written in reply to "The Loom of
+Youth," ending with these words: "Perhaps the greatest consolation of these
+attacks on our greatest heritage in England (for we are the unique
+possessors of the Public Schools) is the conviction that they will have but
+little effect. Every public school boy is serving, and one in every six
+gives up his life. They cannot be such bad places after all."
+
+Of the great mistakes made by Germany perhaps the greatest was in reckoning
+on the detachment of the Dominions. The Canadians have made answer on a
+hundred stricken fields before and after Vimy Ridge. Australia gave her
+goodliest at Gallipoli, crowning the imperishable glory of those who died
+there by her refusal to make a grievance of the apparent failure of the
+expedition, and by the amazing achievement of her troops in the last six
+months of the War.
+
+The immortal dead, British, Australians, New Zealanders, who fell in the
+great adventure of the narrow straits are not forgotten in the hour of
+triumph.
+
+  GALLIPOLI
+  _Qui procul hinc ante diem perierunt_.
+
+  Ye unforgotten, that for a great dream died,
+    Whose failing sense darkened on peaks unwon,
+  Whose souls went forth upon the wine-dark tide
+        To seas beyond the sun,
+  Far off, far off, but ours and England's yet,
+  Know she has conquered! Live again, and let
+    The clamouring trumpets break oblivion!
+
+  Not as we dreamed, nor as you strove to do,
+    The strait is cloven, the crag is made our own;
+  The salt grey herbs have withered over you,
+     The stars of Spring gone down,
+  And your long loneliness has lain unstirred
+  By touch of home, unless some migrant bird
+     Flashed eastward from the white cliffs to the brown.
+
+  Hard by the nameless dust of Argive men,
+     Remembered and remote, like theirs of Troy,
+  Your sleep has been, nor can ye wake again
+     To any cry of joy;
+  Summers and snows have melted on the waves.
+  And past the noble silence of your graves
+     The merging waters narrow and deploy.
+
+  But not in vain, not all in vain, thank God;
+     All that you were and all you might have been
+  Was given to the cold effacing sod,
+     Unstrewn with garlands green;
+  The valour and the vision that were yours
+  Lie not with broken spears and fallen towers,
+     With glories perishable of all things seen.
+
+  Children of one dear land and every sea,
+     At last fulfilment comes--the night is o'er;
+  Now, as at Samothrace, swift Victory
+     Walks winged on the shore;
+  And England, deathless Mother of the dead,
+  Gathers, with lifted eyes and unbowed head,
+     Her silent sons into her arms once more.
+
+Crowns and thrones have rocked and toppled of late, but our King and Queen,
+by their unsparing and unfaltering devotion to duty, by their simplicity of
+life and unerring instinct for saying and doing the right thing, have not
+only set a fine example, but strengthened their hold on the loyalty of all
+classes. And King Albert, who defied Germany at the outset, shared the
+dangers of his soldiers in retreat and disaster, and throughout the war
+proved an inspiration to his people, has been spared to lead them to
+victory and has gloriously come into his own again. His decision to resist
+Germany was perhaps the most heroic act of the War, and he has emerged from
+his tremendous ordeal with world-wide prestige and unabated distaste for
+the limelight. The liberation and resurrection of Belgium and Serbia have
+been two of the most splendid outcomes of the World War, as the
+_débâcle_ in Russia and the martyrdom of Armenia have been its
+greatest tragedies.
+
+Parliament has been seen at its best and worst. When the Prime Minister
+rose in the House on the afternoon of the 11th to announce the terms of the
+Armistice signed at 5 A.M. that morning, members from nearly all parts of
+the House rose to acclaim him. Even "the ranks of Tuscany" on the front
+Opposition bench joined in the general cheering. Only Mr. Dillon and his
+half-dozen supporters remained moody and silent, and when Mr. Speaker, in
+his gold-embroidered joy-robes, headed a great procession to St. Margaret's
+Church, and the ex-Premier and his successor--the man who drew the sword of
+Britain in the war for freedom and the man whose good fortune it has been
+to replace it in the sheath--fell in side by side, behind them walked the
+representatives of every party save one. Mr. Dillon and his associates had
+more urgent business in one of the side lobbies--to consider, perhaps, why
+Lord Grey of Falloden, in his eve-of-war speech, had referred to Ireland as
+"the one bright spot." This Irish aloofness is wondrously illustrated by
+the _Sunday Independent_ of Dublin, which, in its issue of November
+10, spoke of a racing event as the only redeeming feature of "an
+unutterably dull week." We have to thank Mr. Dillon, however, for
+unintentionally enlivening the dulness of the discussion on the relations
+of Lord Northcliffe to the Ministry of Information and his forecast of the
+peace terms. Mr. Baldwin, for the Government, while endeavouring to allay
+the curiosity of members, said that "Napoleons will be Napoleons." Mr.
+Dillon seemed to desire the appointment of a "Northcliffe Controller," but
+that is impracticable. All our bravest men are too busy to take on the job.
+Better still was the pointed query of Lord Henry Bentinck, "Is it not
+possible to take Lord Northcliffe a little too seriously?" But there are
+other problems to which the House has been addressing itself with a
+justifiable seriousness--and demobilisation, the shortage of food and coal,
+and the question how at the same time we are to provide for the outlay of
+coals of fire and feed the Huns and not the guns.
+
+And how has England taken the news? In the main soberly and in a spirit of
+infinite thankfulness, though in too many thousands of homes the loss of
+our splendid, noble and gallant sons--alas! so often only sons--who made
+victory possible by the gift of their lives, has made rejoicing impossible
+for those who are left to mourn them. Yet there is consolation in the
+knowledge that if they had lived to extreme old age they could never have
+made a nobler thing of their lives. Shakespeare, who "has always been there
+before," wrote the epitaph of those who fell in France when he spoke of one
+who gave
+
+  His body to that pleasant country's earth,
+  And his pure soul unto his captain, Christ,
+  Under whose colours he had fought so long.
+
+[Illustration: ARMISTICE DAY
+
+SMALL CHILD (excitedly): "Oh, Mother, what _do_ you think? They've
+given us a whole holiday to-day in aid of the war."]
+
+And it is a source of unspeakable joy that our children are safe. For
+though to most of them their ignorance has been bliss, they have not
+escaped the horrors of a war in which non-combatants have suffered worse
+than ever before. Only the healing hand of time can allay the grief of
+those for whom there can be no reunion on earth with their nearest and
+dearest:
+
+  At last the dawn creeps in with golden fingers
+    Seeking my eyes, to bid them open wide
+  Upon a world at peace, where Sweetness lingers,
+    Where Terror is at rest and Hate has died.
+
+  Loud soon shall sound a paean of thanksgiving
+    From happy women, welcoming their men,
+  Life born anew of joy to see them living.
+    Mother of Pity, what shall I do then?
+
+Of the people at large Mr. Punch cannot better the praise of one, the late
+Mr. Henry James, who was nothing if not critical, and who proved his love
+of England by adopting her citizenship in the darkest hour of her need:
+"They were about as good, above all, when it came to the stress, as could
+well be expected of people. They didn't know how good they were," and if
+they lacked imagination they stimulated it immensely in others.
+
+Apart from some effervescence in the great cities, Armistice Day was
+celebrated without exultation or extravagance. In one village that we know
+of the church bells were rung by women. In London our deliverance was to
+many people marked in the most dramatic way by the breaking of his long
+silence by Big Ben:
+
+  Gone are the days when sleep alone could break
+    War's grim and tyrannous spells;
+  Now it is rest and joy to lie awake
+    And listen to the bells.
+
+So the Great War ended. But there yet remained the most dramatic episode of
+all--the surrender of the German Fleet to Admiral Beatty at Scapa Flow--a
+surrender unprecedented in naval history, a great victory won without
+striking a blow, which yet brought no joy to our Grand Fleet. For our
+admirals and captains and bluejackets felt that the Germans had smirched
+the glory of the fighting men of the sea, hitherto maintained in
+untarnished splendour by all vanquished captains from the days of Carthage
+to those of Cervera and Cradock.
+
+[Illustration: IN HONOUR OF THE BRITISH NAVY
+
+To commemorate the surrender of the German Fleet]
+
+EPILOGUE
+
+It remains to trace in brief retrospect the record of "the months
+between"--a period of test and trial almost as severe as that of the War.
+
+Having steadfastly declined the solution of a Peace without Victory, the
+Allies entered last November on the transitional period of Victory without
+Peace. The fighting was ended in the main theatres of war, the Kaiser and
+Crown Prince, discrowned and discredited, had sought refuge in exile, the
+great German War machine had been smashed, and demobilisation began at a
+rate which led to inevitable congestion and disappointment. The prosaic
+village blacksmith was not far out when, in reply to the vicar's pious hope
+that the time had come to beat our sword into a ploughshare, he observed,
+"Well, I don't know, sir. Speaking as a blacksmith of forty-five years'
+experience, I may tell you it can't be done." "The whole position is
+provisional," said the _Times_ at the end of November. If Germany,
+Austria, and Russia were to be fed, how was it to be done without
+disregarding the prior claims of Serbia and Roumania? Even at home the food
+question still continued to agitate the public mind.
+
+The General Election of December, 1918, which followed the dissolution of
+the longest Parliament since the days of Charles II., was a striking, if
+temporary proof, of the persistence of the rationing principle. It proved a
+triumph for the Coalition "Coupon" and for Mr. Lloyd George; the extremists
+and Pacificists were snowed under; Mr. Asquith was rejected and his
+followers reduced to a mere handful; Labour came back with an increased
+representation, though not as great as it desired or deserved. The triumph
+of the irreconcilables in Ireland was a foregone but sinister conclusion to
+their activities in the War, and an ominous prelude to their subsequent
+efforts to wreck the Pence. The pledges in regard to indemnities, the
+treatment of the Kaiser, and conscription so lavishly given by the
+Coalition Leaders caused no little misgiving at the time, and pledges, like
+curses, have an awkward way of coming home to roost. Mr. Punch's views on
+the Kaiser, expressed in his Christmas Epilogue, are worth recalling. Mr.
+Punch did not clamour for the death penalty, or wish to hand him over to
+the tender mercies of German Kultur. "The only fault he committed in German
+eyes is that he lost the War, and I wouldn't have him punished for the
+wrong offence--for something, indeed, which was our doing as much as his.
+No, I think I would just put him out of the way of doing further harm, in
+some distant penitentiary like the Devil's Island, and leave him to himself
+to think it all over; as _Caponsacchi_ said of _Guido_ in 'The
+Ring and the Book':
+
+  Not to die so much as slide out of life,
+  Pushed by the general horror and common hate
+  Low, lower--left o' the very edge of things."
+
+[Illustration:
+
+"Don't you think we ought to hang the Kaiser, Mrs. 'Arris?"
+
+"It ain't the Kaiser I'm worrying about--it's the bloke what interjuiced
+his war-bacon."]
+
+[Illustration: REUNITED
+
+Strasbourg, December 8th, 1918.]
+
+Christmas, 1918, was more than "the Children's Truce." Our bugles had "sung
+truce," the war cloud had lifted, the invaded sky was once more free of
+"the grim geometry of Mars," and though very few households could celebrate
+the greatest of anniversaries with unbroken ranks, the mercy of reunion was
+granted to many homes. Yet Mr. Punch, in his Christmas musings on the
+solemn memory of the dead who gave us this hour, could not but realise the
+greatness of the task that lay before us if we were to make our country
+worthy of the men who fought and died for her. The War was over, but
+another had yet to be waged against poverty and sordid environment; against
+the disabilities of birth; against the abuse of wealth; against the mutual
+suspicions of Capital and Labour; against sloth, indifference,
+self-complacency, and short memories.
+
+So the Old Year passed, the last of a terrible _quinquennium,_
+bringing grounds for thankfulness and hope along with the promise of unrest
+and upheaval: with Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France, with the British
+army holding its Watch on the Rhine, and with all eyes fixed on Paris, the
+scene of the Peace Conference, already invaded by an international army of
+delegates, experts, advisers, secretaries, typists, 500 American
+journalists, and President Wilson.
+
+Great Expectations and their Tardy Fulfilment, thus in headline fashion
+might one summarise the story of 1919, with Peace, the world's desire,
+waiting for months outside the door of the Conference Chamber, with civil
+war in Germany, Berlin bombed by German airmen, and anarchy in Russia, and
+here at home impatience and discomfort, aggravated in the earlier months by
+strikes and influenza, the largely increased numbers of unemployed
+politicians, the weariest and dreariest of winter weather.
+
+[Illustration: RECONSTRUCTION: A NEW YEAR'S TASK]
+
+Yet even January had its alleviations in the return of the banana, the
+prospect of unlimited lard, a distinct improvement in the manners of the
+retail tradesman, the typographical fireworks of the _Times_ in honour
+of President Wilson, and the retreat of Lord Northcliffe to the sunny
+south. Lovers of sensation were conciliated by the appointment of "F.E." to
+the Lord Chancellorship, the outbreak of Jazz, and the discovery of a
+French author that the plays usually attributed to Shakespeare were written
+by Lord Derby, though not apparently the present holder of the title. The
+loss, through rejection or withdrawal, of so many of his old Parliamentary
+puppets was a serious blow to Mr. Punch, but the old Liberals, buried like
+the Babes in the Wood beneath a shower of Coalition coupons, already showed
+a sanguine spirit, and the departure of the freaks could be contemplated
+with resignation. The great Exodus to Paris began in December, but it
+reached its height in January. The mystery of the Foreign Office official
+who had _not_ gone was cleared up by the discovery that he was the
+caretaker, a pivotal man who could not be demobilised. Another exodus of a
+less desirable sort was that of the Sinn Fein prisoners, which gave rise to
+the rumour that the Lord Lieutenant had threatened that if they destroyed
+any more jails they would be rigorously released. Sinn Fein, which refused
+to fight Germany, had already begun to play at a new sort of war. Australia
+was preparing to welcome the homing transports sped with messages of
+Godspeed from the Motherland:
+
+  Rich reward your hearts shall hold,
+    None less dear if long delayed,
+  For with gifts of wattle-gold
+    Shall your country's debt be paid;
+  From her sunlight's golden store
+  She shall heal your hurts of war.
+
+  Ere the mantling Channel's mist
+    Dim your distant decks and spars,
+  And your flag that victory kissed
+    And Valhalla hung with stars--
+  Crowd and watch our signal fly:
+  "Gallant hearts, good-bye! _Good-bye!"_
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE 1919 MODEL
+
+MR. PUNCH: "They've given you a fine new machine, Mr. Premier, and you've
+got plenty of spirit, but look out for bumps."]
+
+February, a month of comparative anti-climax, witnessed the reassembling of
+Parliament, fuller than ever of members if not of wisdom. As none of the
+Sinn Feiners were present, nor indeed any representative of Irish
+Nationalism, the proceedings were as orderly as a Quaker's funeral, save
+for the arrival of one member on a motor-scooter. Perhaps the most
+interesting information elicited during the debates was this--that every
+question put down costs the tax-payer a guinea. On February 20th there were
+282 on the Order Paper, and Mr. Punch was moved to wonder whether this
+cascade of curiosity might be abated if every questionist were obliged to
+contribute half the cost, the amount to be deducted from his official
+salary. The Speaker, the greatest of living Parliamentarians, was
+re-elected by acclamation. Though human and humorous, he has grown into
+something almost more like an institution than a man, like Big Ben, that
+great patriot and public servant who never struck during the war. The best
+news in February was that of M. Clemenceau's escape, though wounded, from
+the Anarchist assassin who had attempted to translate Trotsky's threat into
+action. But it did not help on the proposed Conference with the Russians at
+Prinkipo or encourage the prospect of any tangible results from the
+deliberation of the Prinkipotentiaries. The plain man could see no third
+choice beyond supporting Bolshevism or anti-Bolshevism. But according to
+our Prime Minister, we were committed to a compromise. The Allies were not
+prepared to intervene in force, and they could not leave Russia to stew in
+her own hell-broth. Meanwhile the chief criminal, Germany, had begun to
+utter _ad misericordiam_ appeals for the relaxation of the Armistice
+terms on the score of their cruelty; and Count Brockdorff-Rantzau gave us a
+foretaste of his quality by declaring that "Germany cannot be treated as a
+second-rate nation."
+
+[Illustration: "How was it you never let your mother know you'd won the
+V.C.?"
+
+"It wasna ma turrn tae write."]
+
+[Illustration: ENGLAND EXPECTS
+
+(With Mr. Punch's best hopes for the success of the National Industrial
+Conference.)
+
+BOTH LIONS (together): "Unaccustomed as I am to lie down with anything but
+a lamb, still, for the sake of the public good ... "]
+
+At home, though the rays of "sweet unrationed revelry" were still to come,
+and _Dulce Domum_ could not yet be sung in every sense, February
+brought us some relief in the demobilisation of the pivotal pig. And the
+decision to hold a National Industrial Conference was of encouraging augury
+for the settlement of industrial strife on the basis of a full inquiry and
+frank statement of facts. In other walks of life reticence still has its
+charms, and even in February people had begun to ask who the General was
+who had threatened not to write a book about the War.
+
+March, the mad month, remained true to type. Even Mr. Punch found it hard
+to preserve his equanimity:
+
+  O Month, before your final moon is set
+    Much may have happened--anything, in fact;
+  More than in any March that I have met,
+    (Last year excepted) fearful nerves are racked;
+  Anarchy does with Russia what it likes;
+    Paris is put conundrums very knotty;
+  And here in England, with its talk of strikes,
+    Men, like your own March hares, seem going dotty.
+
+Abroad the ex-Kaiser was very busy sawing trees, possibly owing to an
+hallucination that they were German Generals.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+THE EASTER OFFERING
+
+MR. LLOYD GEORGE (fresh from Paris): "I don't say it's a perfect egg, but
+parts of it, as the saying is, are excellent."]
+
+At home the Government decided to release such of the Sinn Fein prisoners
+as had not already saved them the trouble, and a Coal Industry Commission
+was appointed on which no representative of the general public was invited
+to sit--that is to say, the patient, much enduring consumer, not the public
+which has all along sought to discount peace by premature whooping,
+jubilating, and Jazzing. For the Dove of Peace, though in strict training,
+seemed in danger of collapsing under the weight of the League of Nations'
+olive bough, to say nothing of other perils, notably the Bolshy-bird, a
+most obscene brand of vulture.
+
+Mr. Wilson was once more on the Atlantic, and Mr. Lloyd George, distracted
+between his duties in Paris and the demands of Labour, recalled Sir Boyle
+Roche's bird, or the circus performer riding two horses at once. In
+Parliament the interpretation of election pledges occupied a good deal of
+time, and Mr. Bonar Law twice declared the policy of the Government in
+regard to indemnities as being to demand the largest amount that Germany
+could pay, but not to demand what we knew she couldn't pay. It would have
+saved him a great deal of trouble if at the General Election the Government
+spokesmen had insisted as much upon the second half of the policy as they
+did on the first. Earnest appeals for economy were made from the Treasury
+Bench on the occasion of the debate on the Civil Service Estimates, now
+swollen to five times their pre-war magnitude, and were heartily applauded
+by the House. To show how thoroughly they had gone home, Mr. Adamson, the
+Labour Leader, immediately pressed for an increase in the salaries of
+Members of Parliament.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+OVERWEIGHTED
+
+PRESIDENT WILSON: "Here's your olive branch. Now get busy."
+
+DOVE OF PEACE: "Of course, I want to please everybody, but isn't this a bit
+thick?"]
+
+[Illustration: HOW TO BRIGHTEN THE PERIOD OF REACTION
+
+MOTHER (to son who has fought on most of the Fronts): "Don't you know what
+to do with yourself, George? Why don't you 'ave a walk down the road,
+dear?"
+
+FATHER: "Ah, 'e ain't seen the corner where they pulled down Simmondses'
+fish-shop, 'as 'e. Ma?"]
+
+On the Rhine the efforts of our army of occupation to present the stern and
+forbidding air supposed to mark our dealings with the inhabitants were
+proving a lamentable failure. You can't produce a really good imitation of
+a Hun without lots of practice. Gloating is entirely foreign to the nature
+of Thomas Atkins, and he could not pass a child yelling in the gutter
+without stooping to comfort it. At home his education was proceeding on
+different lines. The period of reaction had set in, and unwonted exertions
+were necessary to stimulate his interest. Such artless devices were,
+however, preferable to the pastime, already fashionable in more exalted
+circles, of kicking a total stranger round the room to the accompaniment of
+cymbals, a motor siren, and a frying pan.
+
+After a month of madness it was not to be wondered at that we should have a
+month of muzzling, though the enforcement of the order might have been
+profitably extended from dogs to journalists. The secrecy maintained by the
+Big Four--a phrase invented by America--the conflict of the idealists with
+the realists, and the temporary break-away of the Italian wrestler,
+Orlando, were bound to excite comment. But a shattered world could not be
+rebuilt in a day, with Bolshevist wolves prowling about the Temple of
+Peace, and the Dove at sea between the Ark and Archangel. The Covenant of
+the League of Nations, though in a diluted form, had at last taken shape,
+the Peace Machine had got a move on, and the Premier's spirited, if not
+very dignified, retaliation on the newspaper snipers led to an abatement of
+unnecessary hostilities, though the pastime of shooting policemen with
+comparative impunity still flourished in Ireland, and the numbers and cost
+of our "army of inoccupation" still continued to increase. Innumerable
+queries were made in Parliament on the subject of the unemployment dole,
+but the announcement that the Admiralty did not propose to perpetuate the
+title "Grand Fleet" for the principal squadron of His Majesty's Navy passed
+without comment. The Grand Fleet is now a part of the History that it did
+so much to make.
+
+May and June were "hectic" months, in which the reaction from the fatigues
+and restraints of War found vent in an increased disinclination for work,
+encouraged by a tropical sun. These were the months of the resumption of
+cricket, the Victory Derby, the flood of honours, and the flying of the
+Atlantic, with a greater display of popular enthusiasm over the gallant
+airmen who failed in that feat than over the generals who had won the War.
+They were also the months of the duel between Mr. Smillie and the Dukes,
+the discovery of oil in Derbyshire, the privileged excursion into War
+polemics of Lord French, unrest in Egypt, renewed trouble with the police,
+and a shortage of beer, boots and clothes.
+
+[Illustration: "END OF A PERFECT 'TAG'"]
+
+But though the Big Four had been temporarily reduced to a Big Three by
+Italy's withdrawal, and though M. Clemenceau, Mr. Lloyd George, and
+President Wilson had all suffered in prestige by the slow progress of the
+negotiations, Versailles, with the advent of the German delegates, more
+than ever riveted the gaze of an expectant world. To sign or not to sign,
+or, in the words of Wilhelm Shakespeare, _Sein oder nicht sein: hier ist
+die Frage_--that was the problem which from the moment of his famous
+opening speech Count Brockdorff-Rantzau was up against. But, as the days
+wore on, in spite of official impenitence and the double breach of the
+Armistice terms by the scuttling of the German war-ships at Scapa and the
+burning of the French flags at Berlin, the force of "fierce reluctant
+truculent delay" was spent against the steadily growing volume of national
+acquiescence, culminating in the decision of the Weimar Assembly, the tardy
+choice of new delegates, and the final scene in the Hall of Mirrors,
+haunted by the ghosts of 1871.
+
+Writing at the moment of the Signature of Peace and in deep thankfulness
+for the relief it brings to a stricken world, Mr. Punch is too old to jazz
+for joy, but he is young enough to face the future with a reasoned
+optimism, born of a belief in his race and their heroic achievements in
+these great and terrible years. Victory took us by surprise; and we were
+less prepared for Peace at that moment than we had ever been for War. And
+just as in the first days of the fighting we went astray, running after the
+cry "Business as usual," so to-day we are making as bad a mistake when we
+run after "Pleasure as usual"--or rather more than usual. But we soon
+revised that early error, and we shall not waste much time about revising
+this. For though we lacked imagination then, and still lack it, we have the
+gift, perhaps even more useful if less showy, of commonsense. And when
+commonsense is found in natures that are honest and hearts that are clean,
+it may make mistakes, but not for long. No, the spirit which won the War is
+not going to fail us at this second call. Perhaps we have only been waiting
+for the actual coming of Peace to settle down to our new and greater task.
+
+But let us never forget the debt, unpaid and unpayable, to our immortal
+dead and to the valiant survivors of the great conflict, to whom we owe
+freedom and security and the possibility of a better and cleaner world.
+
+[Illustration: GHOSTS AT VERSAILLES]
+
+
+
+INDEX
+
+
+  "According to plan,"
+  Admirals, retired, accept commissions in R.N.R.
+  Admiralty and Zeebrugge despatches
+  Africa, German South-West, Botha makes clean sweep in
+  After one Year
+  Airmen, Allied
+    Bombard Karlsruhe
+    German, increased activity of
+  Air Raids
+    Daylight, extend to London
+    Public to be warned
+  Aisne, Battle of
+  Alarming spread of bobbing
+  Albert, King of Belgium
+    Tribute to
+    Victorious on Flanders coast
+  Allenby, General
+    Advances steadily
+    Captures Damascus
+    Enters Jerusalem
+  Allied Council, new, formed
+  Allotment workers
+  Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France
+  Also Ran
+  America
+    Enters War
+    War of Notes
+  American, an, interviews German Crown Prince
+  American Troops
+    Enter firing line
+    First land in France
+  Ammunition expended round Neuve Chapelle
+  Amundsen, Roald, prepares for trip to North Pole
+  Ancre, British push extends to
+  Anglia, East, air-raids in
+  Antwerp, Fall of
+  Anzac, British heroism at
+  Armenia, martyrdom of
+  Armentières, Germans break through at
+  Armistice
+    Big Ben breaks silence
+    How England took news of
+    Signed
+    Women ring church bells
+  Armistice Day
+  Army Signalling Alphabet
+  Asquith, Mr.
+    Ceases to be Prime Minister
+    Discusses new Votes of Credit
+    Goes to Ireland
+    Promises to purge Peerage of Enemy Dukes
+    Recants hostility to Women's suffrage
+    Rejected at General Election
+  Athens, riot in
+  "Au Revoir!"
+  Australians, valour of
+  Austria
+    Defeated by Serbia
+    Defeated on Italian front
+    Gives in
+    Issues Peace Note
+    Sues for Peace
+    Threatens Roumania
+  Austrians driven from  Belgrade
+
+  Bad Dream, A
+  Baghdad, taken by British
+  Balfour, Mr.
+    Appointed First Lord
+    Returns from U.S.A.
+  Balkans, irrelevant news from
+  Banana, return of the
+  Bapaume
+    Germans take
+    Recaptured by Allies
+  Beatty, Admiral, German Fleet surrenders to
+  Belgium
+    Opposes German invasion
+    Resurrection of
+  Belgrade occupied by enemy
+  Bennett, Mr. Arnold, appointed Director of Propaganda
+  Berlin
+    Bombed
+    French flags burnt at
+    Revolution breaks out
+    Strikes in, suppressed
+  Bernstorff, Count
+    Mendacity of
+    Promotes strikes in U.S.A.
+  Best Smell of All, the
+  Bethmann-Hollweg dismissed,
+  Betrayed,
+  Big Four's secrecy,
+  Big Push, The,
+  Billing, Mr. Pemberton
+    Elected for Mid-Herts,
+    Offers to raid enemy aircraft bases.
+    Suspended from House of Commons,
+  Birdwood, General,
+  Birrell, Mr., apologia of,
+  Bismarck, Prince,
+  Bissing, Baron von,
+    Reported dead,
+    Retires from Belgium,
+  Bloaters, unprecedented price of,
+  _Blücher_, the, sunk by British,
+  Blume, General von, depreciates American intervention,
+  Boat-race, Oxford and Cambridge, suspended,
+  Bobbing, Alarming spread of,
+  Bordeaux, Paris Government removed to,
+  Botha, General
+    Enters War,
+    Makes clean sweep in S.W. Africa,
+  Bottomley, Mr. Horatio, visits France,
+  Bravo, Belgium,
+  Brazil enters War,
+  Bread, curtailment of,
+  Brest-Litovsk
+    Conference,
+    Taken by enemy,
+    Treaty signed,
+  British Expeditionary Force Lands in France,
+  Brockdorff-Rantzau, Count,
+  Bruges reoccupied by Allies,
+  Brusiloff, General
+    Opens new Russian offensive,
+    Successful against Austrians,
+  Brussels
+    Fall of,
+    Murder of Edith Cavell at,
+  Buckmaster, Lord, appointed Lord Chancellor,
+  Bukarest, fall of,
+  Bulgaria surrenders,
+  Bulgarians smashed by Allies,
+  Bull-dog Breed, the,
+  Bungalows, Government, increase of,
+  Burns, Mr. John, re-emerges,
+  Byng, General,
+    Victory at Cambrai,
+  Byron, Lord, and Greece,
+  By special request,
+
+  Cabinet pool salaries,
+  Cadet battalions housed in colleges,
+  Caligny, Americans at,
+  Callousness of smart people,
+  Cambrai
+    Byng's victory at,
+    Recaptured by Allies,
+  Cambridge, Cadet battalions at,
+  Camouflage, new art of,
+  Caporetto, enemy break through at,
+  "Captain of Koepenick" reported dead,
+  Carson, Sir Edward
+    Pays tribute to Major Redmond,
+    Resigns Office,
+  Casement, Sir Roger, and German Kaiser,
+  Castlenau, General,
+  Casualties, British,
+  Cavell, Edith
+    Murder of,
+    Names of her principal assassins,
+  Cecil, Lord Robert, appointed Minister of Blockade,
+  Celestial Dud, the,
+  Censorship and War Correspondents,
+  Challenge, the,
+  Chamberlain, Mr. Austen, resigns office,
+  Champagne, French offensive at,
+  Chemin des Dames, Germans capture,
+  Children of Consolation,
+  Children's Peace,
+  China, food prices in,
+  Christmas
+    Musings, Punch's,
+    Truce and fraternisation,
+  Church bells requisitioned,
+  Churchill, Mr. Winston
+    Appointed Minister of Munitions,
+    Dardanelles expedition,
+    Paints landscapes,
+    Rejoins his regiment,
+    Resigns Duchy of Lancaster,
+    Retires to Duchy of Lancaster,
+  Civilian, the, and the War Office,
+  Civil Service Estimates,
+  Clemenceau, M.
+    Attempted assassination of,
+    Tribute to,
+  Clyde, labour troubles on the,
+  Coal Commission appointed,
+  Coalition Government
+    Formed,
+    Leaders' pledges,
+  Coalitionists triumph at General Election,
+  Coat that didn't come off, the,
+  Cologne, Archbishop of, and the Kaiser,
+  Combles taken by Allies,
+  Coming Army, the,
+  Commission
+    To inquire into Dardanelles expedition,
+    To inquire into Mesopotamian expedition,
+  "Complete accord,"
+  Compulsory rationing a fact,
+  Comrades in Victory,
+  Conscientious Objectors in Non-combatant Corps,
+  Constables, special, guard King's highway,
+  Constantine, King of Greece
+    Abdicates,
+    Contemplates abdication,
+    Forms Cabinet of Professors,
+    Mr. Asquith's appeal to,
+    To receive £20,000 a year,
+    Treated tenderly,
+  Contemptibles, the old,
+  Corn Production Bill,
+  Coronel avenged,
+  Correspondents, Mr. Punch's,
+  Cradock, Admiral,
+  Crank, Whip's definition of a,
+  Craonne taken by French,
+  "Credibility index,"
+  Crown Prince, German
+    American interviews,
+    Common brigand, a,
+    Has misgivings,
+    In exile,
+  Cuba declares war on Austria,
+  Cuffley, Zeppelin brought down at,
+
+  _Daily Mail_, candour of,
+  _Daily News_ and _Punch_,
+  _Daily Telegraph_, Lord Lansdowne's letter to,
+  Damascus captured by Allies,
+  Dance of Death, the,
+  Danube, Serbians reach the,
+  Dardanelles Commission,
+  Dawn of Doubt, the,
+  Daylight Saving,
+    Bill passed,
+  Death Lord, the,
+  Debeney, General,
+    Praises Americans,
+  Defence of the Realm Act,
+  (De)merit, the reward of,
+  Demobilisation commences,
+  Derby, Lord
+    Director of Recruiting,
+    Minister of War,
+  Dernburg, Dr., his picture of German innocents,
+  _Deutschland_, German submarine, exploits of,
+  Devonport, Lord
+    Appointed Food Controller,
+    Approves new dietary for prisoners,
+    Retires as Food Controller,
+  Diary--
+    1914, August,
+          September,
+          October,
+          November,
+          December,
+    1915, January,
+          February,
+          March,
+          April,
+          May,
+          June,
+          July,
+          August,
+          September,
+          October,
+          November,
+          December,
+    1916, January,
+          February,
+          March,
+          April,
+          May,
+          June,
+          July,
+          August,
+          September,
+          October,
+          November,
+          December,
+    1917, January,
+          February,
+          March,
+          April,
+          May,
+          June,
+          July,
+          August,
+          September,
+          October,
+          November,
+          December,
+    1918, January,
+          February,
+          March,
+          April,
+          May,
+          June,
+          July,
+          August,
+          September,
+          October,
+          November,
+  Die Nacht am Rhein,
+  Dogger Bank,
+    German reverse off,
+  Domestic servant's philosophy,
+  Dominions, loyalty of,
+  Douai regained by Allies,
+  Drake's Way,
+  Drocourt-Quéant switchline breached by Allies,
+  Dud, the,
+  Duke, Mr., retires from Irish Chief Secretaryship,
+  Dumba, Dr., promotes strikes in U.S.A.,
+  Dunraven, Lord, excuses Irishmen,
+  Dynastic Amenities,
+
+  Easter offering, the,
+  Economy, appeals for,
+  Editor of the _Vorwärts_ arrested,
+  Education Bill
+    Second reading of,
+    Lord Haldane lectures on,
+  Ekaterinburg, Ex-Tsar and family murdered at,
+  _Emden_ sunk by the _Sydney_,
+  Emmas, the two,
+  Empire, indispensable in winning War,
+  End of a perfect "Tag,"
+  England
+    Tribute to, by _New York Life_,
+    War could not have been won without,
+  Enver Pasha goes to Medina,
+  Epilogue,
+  Erzerum falls to Russians,
+  Euphemists,
+  Excursionist, the,
+  Exile, the Irish,
+
+  "F.E." appointed Lord Chancellor,
+  _Falaba_, the, sunk by German submarine,
+  Falkland Islands,
+    Battle of,
+  Farmer and Farm Labourer,
+  Far-reaching effect of the Russian Push, the,
+  Ferdinand, King of Bulgaria
+    Abdicates,
+    Declares war on Serbia,
+    Goes to Vienna,
+    Inscrutability of,
+  Fidgety Wilhelm, the story of,
+  Fifth British Army, Germans break through,
+  Final, the,
+  Fisher, Lord, will not give explanations,
+  Fisher, Mr., eulogised,
+  Flag days,
+  Flanders coast evacuated by Germans,
+  Fleet, German, surrenders,
+  Flight that failed,
+  Flying of the Atlantic,
+  Foch, General
+    Appointed Generalissimo of Allied Forces,
+    Arranges Armistice,
+    Made a G.C.B.,
+    Receives German envoys,
+    Tribute to,
+  Food at the Front,
+    Control, public for,
+    Production, urgency for increased,
+    Question discussed in Parliament,
+    Question in Germany,
+    Restriction,
+    Stocks increasing,
+  Ford, Mr. Henry
+    Offers his works to American authorities,
+    Visits Europe,
+  For Neutrals--For Natives,
+  Fort Douaumont falls,
+  Fourth of July celebrated in France,
+  France, destruction and desolation of,
+  France's Day,
+  Franchet d'Esperey, General,
+  Francis Joseph, Emperor, dies,
+  French, General
+    Appointed Viceroy of Ireland,
+    His "contemptible little army,"
+    Relinquishes his command,
+    Responsible for Home Defence against enemy aircraft,
+  Fryatt, Captain, murder of,
+  Funchal, U-boats busy at,
+
+  Gaiety at military hospitals,
+  Gallipoli,
+    Allies land in,
+    Casualties in,
+    Complete evacuation of,
+    Discomforts of,
+  Garibaldi still an animating force in Italy,
+  Gaul to the New Caesar,
+  Gaza taken by British,
+  Geddes, Sir Eric
+    Defends Admiralty,
+    First Lord,
+  General Election,
+  General Janvier,
+  Geography taught by War,
+  George V. of England
+    Abolishes German titles held by family,
+    His House to be known as Windsor,
+    Sets a fine example,
+    Visits Front,
+  George, Mr. Lloyd
+    Appointed Minister of Munitions,
+    Defines British policy,
+    Deputed to confer with Irish leaders,
+    Expounds plan for Irish Convention,
+    Prime Minister,
+    Secretary for War,
+    Suffers in prestige,
+    Triumph of,
+    Warns peacemongers,
+  Gerard, Mr., Reminiscences of,
+  German
+    "Frightfulness,"
+    General Staff and set-backs,
+    Substitutes,
+  Germany
+    Campaign of Falsehood in,
+    Civil War in,
+    Fleet surrenders,
+    "German Truth Society" founded,
+    Great mistake of,
+    Hints to Italy,
+    Ill-treats prisoners,
+    Indulges in reprisals,
+    Jealous of _Lusitania_ records,
+    Laments over Allied blockade,
+    Lunatics called up for service,
+    Mutiny at Kiel,
+    New Peace offensive,
+    Old, contrasted,
+    Peace overtures,
+    Signs armistice,
+    Signs peace,
+    Sinks two hospital ships,
+    Sprays British soldiers with flaming petrol,
+    Squirts boiling pitch over Russians,
+    Torpedoes Neutral merchant ships,
+    Warns _Punch_,
+  Ghosts at Versailles,
+  God (and the Women) our shield,
+  _Goeben_, disaster to the,
+  _Good Hope_, H.M.S., sunk,
+  Gothas, activities of,
+  Gouraud, General,
+  Governesses, English, revelations of,
+  Grandcourt, taken by British,
+  Grand Fleet, ceaseless vigil of,
+    Title, passes.
+  Grapes of Verdun, the,
+  Great incentive, a,
+  Greece
+    Dominated by pro-German Court,
+    Hampers Allies,
+    Territory violated by Bulgarian troops,
+    Ultimatum presented to,
+  Greenwich time applied to Ireland,
+  Grey, Sir Edward
+    Dissatisfied with Neutrals,
+    Statements _re_ France and Belgium,
+  Grimsby fishermen's fight,
+  Guy Fawkes Day, no fireworks on,
+  Gwynn, Capt., undertakes to raise Irish brigade,
+
+  Haig, Sir Douglas
+    Commander-in-Chief of British Armies in France,
+    Issues a Dispatch,
+    Issues historic order,
+  Haldane, Lord
+    Debt to, for Territorials,
+    Lectures on Education,
+    Retires from Chancellorship,
+  Hamlet, U.S.A.,
+  _Hampshire_, the, mined,
+  Handyman, A,
+  Hardinge Report, Lords discuss the,
+  Harvest, a successful,
+  Haunted ship,
+  Havre, Belgian Government removed to,
+  Hay, Ian, book by,
+  Healy, Mr. Tim, champions Government,
+  Held!
+  Heligoland Bight,
+    Naval engagement in,
+  Hertling, Erzberger's campaign against Chancellor,
+  Hidden Hand, the,
+  Hindenburg, Marshal von
+    Assumes command of Austrian troops,
+    Presented with house,
+    Retreats on Western Front
+  Hindenburgitis
+  Hindenburg line breached
+  His latest
+  Home Front, the
+    Derby, Lord, most prominent man on
+    Drink, a dangerous enemy
+    Education of those on
+    Flower-beds sacrificed
+    Khaki weddings
+    London Police strike
+    Pessimists, cure for
+    Railway Travelling, discomforts of
+    Trials of mistresses on
+  Hooge, British success at
+  Horne, General
+  Hotels commandeered
+  House of Commons
+    Attends church
+    Characteristics of
+  How to brighten the period of reaction
+  Hunding line
+  Hun to Hun
+  Hyde Park used for training troops
+
+  India, "lonely soldiers" in
+  Indian troops
+  Infectious hornpipe, the
+  Influenza, Spanish
+  In honour of the British Navy
+  In reserve
+  Inseparable, the
+  Invasion by sea, English Press fears
+  Ireland
+    Debate on, in Parliament
+    Dominates proceedings in Parliament
+    Exempted from Military Service Bill
+    Greenwich time applied to
+    Insurrection in West of
+    Insurrectionist leaders executed
+    Irreconcilables triumph at General Election
+    Maxwell, Sir John, appointed to supreme command
+    Nationalists attack Sir John Maxwell
+    Placed under martial law
+  Irish Convention
+    Exile, the
+    Harvest labourers
+  Italy
+    Bainsizza plateau saved
+    Declares war on Austria
+    Push on the Isonzo
+
+  Jaffa, British in
+  James, Mr. Henry
+    Adopts British nationality
+    Tribute to England by
+  Jazz, outbreak of
+  Jellicoe, Lord, retires from post of First Sea Lord
+  Jericho captured by Allies
+  Jerusalem captured by British
+  Joffre, General, announces rolling back of enemy
+  John, Mr. Augustus, paints Mr. Lloyd George's portrait
+  Jones, Mr. Kennedy
+    Declares beer a food
+    Resignation of
+  Journalists visit the Fleet
+  Jutland, Battle of
+
+  Kaiser, German
+    Abdicates
+    Absent from Francis Joseph's funeral
+    Attila's understudy
+    Blasphemer and Hypocrite
+    Denies responsibility for War
+    Disappointed with Allah
+    Encourages war on non-combatants
+    First War birthday
+    Flees to Holland
+    Foiled before Nancy
+    Has another grandson
+    Murderer of innocents
+    Orders blockade of England
+    Poses as friend of the people
+    Pro-Socialist
+    _Punch's_ views on
+    Refrains from active participation in military operations
+    Reprimands Prince Frederick Leopold of Prussia
+    Sorry for France
+    Speech to Eton College Volunteers
+    Talks of his conscience
+  Kaiser, Ex-, saws trees
+  Karl, Emperor of Austria's suggestion _re_ Alsace-Lorraine
+  Karlsruhe bombarded by Allied airmen
+  Kerensky, appointed head of Russian Provisional Government
+    Overthrown
+  Keyes, Admiral, locks up German submarines
+  Kiel, mutiny at
+  Kipling, Mr.
+  Kitchener, Lord
+    Asks for more men
+    Death of
+    Eulogies of
+    Gives frugal information to Lords
+    Meets critics in Parliament
+    Obtains 1,000,000 men
+    Starts on the _Hampshire_ for Russia
+    War Minister
+  Kluck, General von, failure of
+  _Kölnische Zeitung_ and _Punch_
+  Kühlmann, von, fall of
+  Kultur, the reward of
+  Kut captured by British
+
+  Labour
+    Demands of
+    Real voice of
+    Representation of
+    Troubles
+  Lansdowne, Lord, writes to _Daily Telegraph_
+  Laon, recaptured by Allies
+  Last Throw, the
+  Law, Mr. Bonar
+    Announces air-raid reprisals
+    Appointed Leader of the House
+    Declares policy _re_ indemnities
+    Introduces Budget
+    Made Chancellor of the Exchequer
+    Travels to France by aeroplane
+    Will not discuss military situation,
+  League of Nations takes shape
+  _Leinster_, the, sunk by Germans
+  Lenin
+    Appearance of
+    Attempted assassination of
+    Installed as dictator
+  Liberators, the
+  Lichnowsky's disclosures
+  Liége, Fall of
+  Lies, German campaign of
+  Lighting Orders, enforcement of
+  Lille regained by Allies
+  Lissauer, Herr, decorated by Kaiser
+  London, daylight air-raids extend to
+  Lonely soldiers
+  Long, Mr. Walter, his remedy for carping criticism
+  Loos, fighting at
+  Lord Mayor's banquet simplified
+  Lost chief, the
+  Lost land, a
+  Louvain, sack of
+  Lovelace, the modern
+  Ludendorff resigns
+  _Lusitania_, the
+    American victims
+    Sinking of
+  Luxuries, imports of, curtailed
+  Lynch, Colonel, undertakes to raise Irish brigade
+
+  MacCabean Boy Scouts
+  MacNeill, Mr. Swift
+    Endeavours to purge peerage of enemy dukes
+    Resents setting up of War Cabinet
+  Made in Germany
+  Mangin, General
+  Manifesto of German artists and professors
+  Marine, Mercantile, tribute paid to by Parliament
+  Marne
+    German push to
+    Germans again hurled back across
+  Mary, Queen of England, tribute to
+  Massacres by Bolshevists
+  Maude, General
+    Captures Kut
+    Death of
+  Maunoury, General
+  Maurice affair, the
+  Max, Burgomaster of Brussels
+  Max, Prince
+    German Chancellor
+    Issues pacific manifesto
+  McKenna, Mr.
+    Chancellor of Exchequer
+    Introduces Bill for raising War Loan
+  Meatless days
+  Men of forty-one wanted
+  Merchant ships
+    Dutch, sunk by German submarine
+    Neutral, torpedoed by German submarines
+  Mesopotamia, tide turning in
+  Messines Ridge captured
+  Michaelis, Dr.
+    Appointed German Chancellor
+    Dismissed
+  Military Service Bill
+    Becomes law
+    Ireland exempted from
+  Milner, Lord
+    on misleading war news
+  Minesweepers
+    honour due to
+  Ministry of Munitions created
+  Missing
+  Mistresses
+    trials of
+  Monastir
+    Fall of
+    Recaptured by Serbians and French
+  _Monmouth_, H.M.S.
+    sunk
+  Mons
+    British reach
+    Retreat from
+  Monte Sabotino captured by Italians
+  Moon our enemy
+  Morning Hate
+    Prussian household having its
+  Mort Homme
+    carnage at
+  Mottoes and proverbs
+  Mule humour
+  Müller, Captain
+    a chivalrous antagonist
+  Munitions
+    smart people work at
+  Museum, British
+    war spirit at
+  Museums, London
+    closed
+  Mutiny of sailors at Kiel
+  Muzzling Order
+
+  Namur
+    Fall of
+  Narrows, the,
+    failure to get through
+  National Industrial Conference
+  National Party, the new
+  National Registration Bill
+    second Reading of
+  National Thrift Campaign
+  Navy
+    its efficient work
+  Need of men, the
+  Neuve Chapelle captured by British
+  New Armies
+    Composition of
+    Education of
+    Training of
+  New Conductor, the
+  New Guinea taken by Allies
+  New language, the
+  Newmarket
+    racing stopped at
+  Newspaper readers
+    "credibility index" for
+  Nicholas, Emperor of Russia
+    Abdicates
+    Generalissimo of his armies
+  Nineteen-nineteen Model, the
+  Northcliffe, Lord
+    and his correspondence
+    visits U.S.A.
+  North Sea
+    U-boats active in
+  Novo-Georgievsk taken by enemy
+  Noyon recaptured by Allies
+
+  Officer, wounded
+    experiences of
+  Officers, young
+    splendid record of
+  Oil discovered in Derbyshire
+  Old Man of the Sea
+  Old-timer, the
+  Omen of 1908
+  On Earth--Peace
+  One up!
+  On the Black List
+  Opera by English composer produced
+  Optimist, the
+  Order of British Empire
+  Orlando, Italian Statesman
+  Ostend
+    Naval exploit at
+    Regained by Allies
+  O.T.C. and the Universities
+  Our Man
+  Our persevering officials
+  "Ourselves Alone"
+    motto of Sinn Fein
+  Overweighted
+  Oxford
+    cadet battalions at
+
+  Pacifists
+    Dilemma of
+    Impressed by Germany's lamentations
+  Paris
+    Exodus to
+    Peace Conference at
+    Shelled by long-distance gun
+  Parliament
+    Assembles
+    Dissolution of
+    Extension of life of
+    Houses of, Stars and Stripes and Union Jack fly over
+  Passchendaele Ridge stormed by British
+  Peace
+    Signed
+    The children's
+  Penny Postage gone
+  Perfect Innocence
+  Péronne
+    British enter
+    Fall of
+    Recovered by Allies
+  Persuading of Tino, the
+  Pétain
+    hero of Verdun
+  Piave
+    Italians cross the
+  Picture galleries, London, closed
+  Pill-boxes, German, made of British cement,
+  Pitiful pose, a,
+  Place in the moon, a,
+  Place of Arms, a,
+  Plain duty, a,
+  Plumer, General
+    Stands firm on the Piave,
+    Victorious in Flanders,
+  Poison gas, Germans use,
+  Police, London, strike,
+  Political truce,
+  Politician who addressed the troops, the,
+  _Pommern_, the, sunk by British,
+  Portugal enters War,
+  Posters
+    And Publicity,
+    And War Loans,
+    Newspaper, absence of,
+  Press
+    Bureau,
+    Campaign against Mr. Asquith,
+    German, humours of,
+  Prince of Wales
+    Relief Fund,
+    Takes his seat,
+  Prinkipo, proposed conference at,
+  Prisoner, British, sentenced for calling Germans "Huns,"
+  Prisoners
+    German, arrive in Ireland,
+    German offer _re_,
+  Propaganda, German, in United States,
+  Prophecy
+    An old Arab,
+    _Punch's, re_ Kaiser,
+  Proportional Representation rejected,
+  _Punch's_
+    Cartoons and the _Kölnische Zeitung,_
+    Correspondents,
+
+  _Queen Elizabeth_, H.M.S., attacks in Dardanelles,
+  Queries, futile, to wounded soldiers,
+  Queues
+    Disappear,
+    For various commodities,
+    "Queue War,"
+
+  Rabbit, the elusive,
+  Raids by sea,
+  Rasputin, sinister figure of.
+  Rationing, compulsory,
+  Rawlinson, General,
+  Realisation,
+  Reconstruction,
+  Recruit who took to it kindly,
+  Recruiting, posters to aid,
+  Redmond, Major William
+    Falls in Flanders,
+    Makes thrilling speech,
+    Tribute to, in Commons,
+  Redmond, Mr. John, death of,
+  Reichstag not blind to facts,
+  Rejuvenating effect of Zeppelins,
+  Reprisals on German cities advocated,
+  Repudiation, the,
+  Return of the Mock Turtle-Dove,
+  Reunited,
+  Reventlow, Count, and the Kaiser,
+  Reward of Kultur, the,
+  Rheims Cathedral bombarded,
+  Rhine, British Army's watch on the,
+  Rhondda, Lord
+    Appointed Food Controller,
+    Death of,
+  Richter, Dr. Hans, clamours for British extinction,
+  Riga, Gulf of, German defeat in,
+  Riga occupied by Germans,
+  Rivers, French, find their voices,
+  Roberts, Mr., Minister of Labour,
+  Roberts, Lord
+    Death of,
+    Germans pay tribute to,
+    His reticence,
+  Robertson, Sir William
+    Accepts Eastern Command at home,
+    Appointed Chief of Staff,
+    Displaced,
+  Robinson, Lieutenant, brings down Zeppelin,
+  Roosevelt, Mr., invents new invective,
+  Roumania joins Allies,
+  Royal Family, British, fine example of,
+  Royal Flying Corps,
+    Great losses of,
+  Running amok,
+  Rupprecht, Crown Prince, entertains journalists,
+  Russia
+    Army retreats,
+    Bolshevist _coup d'état._
+    Bolshevist  régime  stained  with massacres,
+    Collapses,
+    Dark hour of,
+    Débacle in,
+    End of Tsardom
+    Ex-Tsar and family shot,
+  Russia (_contd_.)
+    Provisional Government dissolved
+    Recovering herself
+    Republic proclaimed
+  Russian Army said to have passed through England
+
+  Saint-Quentin recaptured by Allies
+  St. James's Park, lake in, drained
+  St. Mihiel salient flattened out by Americans
+  Salonika
+    Allies land at
+    Front
+    Triumphant advance by Allies on
+  Saluting abolished in Russian Army
+  Sands run out, the
+  San Gabriele, Italian success at
+  Santa Klaus, _Punch_ welcomes
+  Scapa Flow, German Fleet surrenders at
+    Germans scuttle their warships at
+  Scarborough bombarded
+  Scott, Admiral Percy
+    Expert adviser to Lord French
+  Scrapper scrapped, the
+  Secret
+    Diplomacy
+    Session
+  Sedan, American Army reaches
+  Serbia
+    Austrians and Germans invade
+    Liberation of
+    Overrun
+  Servant
+    Domestic, problem
+    Officer's description of
+  Sevastopol, Germans reach
+  Shaw, Mr. Bernard
+    Colossal arch-super-egotist
+    Visits Front
+  Shirkers' War News
+  Shortt, Mr., appointed Chief Secretary for Ireland
+  Siegfried line
+  Sinn Fein
+    Creed of
+    Excesses
+    Plays at war
+  Smart people, callousness of
+  Smith-Dorrien, General, at Le Cateau
+  Smuts, General, commands in East Africa
+  Soissons, Germans capture
+  Soldier and civilian
+  Soldiers, British
+    Cannot imitate Hun
+    Ordeal on Western Front
+    Tribute to
+  Solid, xiv
+  Some bird
+  Somme
+    Battle of the, commences
+    Guns heard in England
+    Results of Battle of the
+  "Song of Plenty"
+  South-West Africa
+    German, gives in to Allies
+    Germans poison wells in
+  Spanish influenza
+  Speaker of House of Commons re-elected
+  Spee, Admiral von, goes down with his squadron
+  Spies, German
+  _Spurlos versenkt_
+  Spy-hunting in East Anglia
+  Spy play, emergence of
+  Storm driven
+  Strain on the affections
+  Strasbourg
+  Strauss, Herr, does not sign German artists' manifesto
+  Study of Prussian household having its Morning Hate
+  Sturdee, Admiral
+  Submarine frightfulness, the new, commences
+  Submarines, British, in the Baltic
+  Submarines, German
+    Cornered
+    Grimsby's fight against
+    Locked up
+    Torpedo British battleships
+  Suffragists' cause triumphs
+  Suits, standard
+  Sumner, Lord, on Houses of Parliament
+  Sunlight-loser, the
+  Suvla Bay, British heroism at
+  Sweden assists German Secret Service
+  Sweepers of the sea
+  Swooping from the West
+
+  Tanks, coming of the
+  Tannenberg, Russian repulse at
+  Tares, the Sower of
+  T.B.D.
+  Territorials
+    Doing great work in India
+    Efficiency and keenness of
+    Mobilised
+  Teutons, panegyric of, in _Die Welt_
+  Thiepval taken by Allies
+  Threatened Peace Offensive,
+  Thrift campaign,
+  Tirpitz, Grand Admiral, dismissed,
+  Tisza, Count, admits defeat,
+  To all at home,
+  Tommy, British
+    Needs no vocabulary,
+    Philosophy of,
+  To the Glory of France,
+  Townshend, General
+    Besieged in Kut,
+    Heroism of his force,
+  Tramcar humour,
+  Tramps disappear from England,
+  Transitional period,
+  Trawlers, honour due to,
+  Trenchard, General, retires from Air Staff,
+  Trenches, sportsmanship of,
+  Trench warfare commences,
+  Trials of a camouflage officer,
+  Trotsky released from internment,
+  Tsing-tau, Japanese take,
+  Tuber's repartee, the,
+  Turkey
+    Appeals to Berlin for funds,
+    Defeated in Caucasus,
+    Defeated on Suez Canal,
+    Enters war,
+    Granted armistice,
+  Two Germanies, the,
+  "Two heads with but a single thought,"
+
+  U-boat interned at Cadiz,
+  U-boats
+    Appear off U.S.A.,
+    Sir E. Geddes's diagram _re_,
+  Ulstermen and Conscription,
+  Unauthorised flirtation, an,
+  Unconquerable,
+  Unemployment dole,
+  United States
+    Accused of stealing cypher key,
+    German propaganda in,
+    Issues warning Note on neutral trading,
+    No peace with Hohenzollerns,
+  Unsinkable Tirp., the,
+
+  V.A.D., tributes to,
+  Venizelos, M., resumes power,
+  Verdun
+    Germans closing in on,
+    Struggle around, begins,
+    Triumph of French at,
+  Versailles
+    Conference,
+    Council, foresight of,
+    Peace signed at,
+  Very much up,
+  Victory!
+  Vienna, peace kite-flying at,
+  Villager, English, and prospects of invasion,
+  Vimy Ridge, Canadians capture,
+  Volunteers, training of,
+  Von Pot and von Kettle,
+
+  Wales, South
+    Miners' strike,
+    Provides recruits,
+  Wanted--a St. Patrick,
+  War
+    Anniversaries of,
+    Cabinet, Mr. Henderson resigns from,
+    Changes wrought by,
+    Conference of the Empire called,
+    Daily cost of,
+    Loans,
+    News, the shirkers',
+    Pictures,
+    Propaganda, need for a, at home,
+    Teaching geography,
+    Vocabulary,
+  Ward, Colonel, defends Compulsory Service Bill,
+  Warsaw, Russians lose,
+  Waterloo Campaign and Great War,
+  Wayside Calvary, the,
+  Weddings, khaki,
+  Well done, the New Army,
+  Wemyss, Sir Rosslyn, on R.N. and mercantile marine,
+  Whigs and Tories, strife between, revived,
+  Whitby bombarded,
+  Wilhelm I.'s message to wife,
+  Wilhelmshaven indefinitely closed,
+  William o' the Wisp,
+  Wilson, General, appointed Chief of Imperial Staff,
+  Wilson, President
+    And the _Lusitania_,
+    Declines to be rushed,
+    Forbearance of,
+    His Fourteen Points,
+    Last Note to Germany,
+    Launches a new phrase,
+  Wittenberg, ill-treatment of prisoners at,
+  Wolff, mendacity of,
+  Woman Power
+  Women
+     Belgian, used as a screen
+     Driving vans
+     Gardeners
+     Licensed as taxi-drivers
+     Obtain the Vote
+     Opportunities taken by
+     _Punch_ delighted at their varied work
+     Undertake men's work,
+     War and poetry,
+  Word of ill-omen, a,
+  Wotan line,
+     Breached,
+  Wounded, return of, to England,
+
+  YPRES
+     Germans repulsed at,
+     Germans stopped at,
+     Second battle of,
+     Third battle of, commences,
+
+  ZEEBRUGGE, naval exploit at,
+  Zeppelin, Count, swears to destroy London,
+  Zeppelins
+     French bag several,
+     One brought down at Cuffley,
+     Plague of, stayed,
+     Raid encourages emulation,
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Mr. Punch's History of the Great War, by Punch
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11571 ***