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diff --git a/old/11549.txt b/old/11549.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6333db --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11549.txt @@ -0,0 +1,24621 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Life and Letters of Elizabeth Prentiss +by George L. Prentiss + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Life and Letters of Elizabeth Prentiss + +Author: George L. Prentiss + +Release Date: March 12, 2004 [EBook #11549] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ELIZABETH PRENTISS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Aldarondo, Keren Vergon, Robert Fite and PG +Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +[Transcriber's Note: Footnotes have been numbered and relocated to the +end of the chapter in which they occur. They are marked by [1], [2], +etc.] + + + + + + +THE LIFE AND LETTERS + +OF + +ELIZABETH PRENTISS + +AUTHOR OF _STEPPING HEAVENWARD_ + +BY GEORGE L. PRENTISS + + + + +This memoir was undertaken at the request of many of Mrs. Prentiss' old +and most trusted friends, who felt that the story of her life should be +given to the public. Much of it is in the nature of an autobiography. +Her letters, which with extracts from her journals form the larger +portion of its contents, begin when she was in her twentieth year, and +continue almost to her last hour. They are full of details respecting +herself, her home, her friends, and the books she wrote. A simple +narrative, interspersed with personal reminiscences, and varied by a +sketch of her father, and passing notices of others, who exerted a +moulding influence upon her character, completes the story. A picture is +thus presented of the life she lived and its changing scenes, both on +the natural and the spiritual side. While the work may fail to interest +some readers, the hope is cherished that, like STEPPING HEAVENWARD, +it will be welcomed into Christian homes and prove a blessing to many +hearts; thus realising the desire expressed in one of her last letters: +_Much of my experience of life has cost me a great price and I wish to +use it for strengthening and comforting other souls._ + +G. L. P. + +KAUINFELS, September 11, 1882. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + +CHAPTER I. + +THE CHILD AND THE GIRL. + +1818-1839. + +I. + +Birth-place and Ancestry. The Payson Family. Seth Payson. Edward Payson. +His Mother. A Sketch of his Life and Character. The Fervor of his Piety. +Despondent Moods, and their Causes. His bright, natural Traits. How he +prayed and preached. Conversational Gift. Love to Christ. Triumphant +Death. + +II. + +Birth and Childhood of Elizabeth Payson. Early Traits. Devotion to her +Father. His Influence upon her. Letters to her Sister. Removal to New +York. Reminiscences of the Payson Family. + +III. + +Recollections of Elizabeth's Girlhood by an early Friend and Schoolmate. +Her own Picture of herself before her Father's Death. Favorite Resorts. +Why God permits so much Suffering. Literary Tastes. Letters. "What are +Little Babies For?" Opens a School. Religious Interest. + +IV. + +The dominant Type of Religious Life and Thought in New England in the +First Half of this Century. Literary Influences. Letter of Cyrus Hamlin. +A strange Coincidence. + + +CHAPTER II. + +THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST. + +1840-1841. + +I. + +A memorable Experience. Letters to her Cousin. Goes to Richmond as a +Teacher. Mr. Persico's School. Letters. + +II. + +Her Character as a Teacher. Letters. Incidents of School Life. Religious +Struggles, Aims, and Hope. Oppressive Heat and Weariness. + +III. + +Extracts from her Richmond Journal. + + +CHAPTER III. + +PASSING FROM GIRLHOOD INTO WOMANHOOD. + +1841-1845. + +I. + +At Home Again. Marriage of her Sister. Ill-health. Letters. Spiritual +Aspiration and Conflict. Perfectionism. "Very, Very Happy." Work for +Christ what makes Life attractive. Passages from her Journal. A Point of +Difficulty. + +II. + +Returns to Richmond. Trials There. Letters. Illness. School Experiences. +"To the Year 1843." Glimpses of her daily Life. Why her Scholars +love her So. Homesick. A Black Wedding. What a Wife should be. "A +Presentiment." Notes from her Diary. + +III. + +Her Views of Love and Courtship. Visit of her Sister and Child. Letters. +Sickness and Death of Friends. Ill-health. Undergoes a surgical +Operation. Her Fortitude. Study of German. Fenelon. + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHER. + +1845-1850. + +I. + +Marriage and Settlement in New Bedford. Reminiscences. Letters. Birth of +her First Child. Death of her Mother-in-Law. Letters. + +II. + +Birth of a Son. Death of her Mother. Her Grief. Letters. Eddy's Illness +and her own Cares. A Family Gathering at Newburyport. Extracts from +Eddy's Journal. + +III. + +Further Extracts from Eddy's Journal. Ill-Health. Visit to Newark. Death +of her Brother-in-Law, S. S. Prentiss. His Character. Removal to Newark. +Letters. + + +CHAPTER V. + +IN THE SCHOOL OF SUFFERING. + +1851-1858. + +I. + +Removal to New York, and first Summer there. Letters. Loss of Sleep and +Anxiety about Eddy. Extracts from Eddy's Journal, Describing his last +Illness and Death. Lines entitled, "To My Dying Eddy.". + +II. + +Birth of her Third Child. Reminiscences of a Sabbath Evening Talk. Story +of the Baby's Sudden Illness and Death. Summer of 1852. Lines entitled, +"My Nursery." + +III. + +Summer at White Lake. Sudden Death of her Cousin, Miss Shipman. +Quarantined. _Little Susy's Six Birthdays_. How she wrote it. _The +Flower of the Family_. Her Motive in Writing it. Letter of Sympathy to a +bereaved Mother. A Summer at the Seaside. _Henry and Bessie._ + + +IV. + +A memorable Year. Lines on the Anniversary of Eddy's Death. Extracts +from her Journal. _Little Susy's Six Teachers_. The Teachers' Meeting. +A New York Waif. Summer in the Country. Letters. _Little Susy's Little +Servants_. Extracts from her Journal. "Alone with God." + +V. + +Ready for new Trials. Dangerous Illness. Extracts from her Journal. +Visit to Greenwood. Sabbath Meditations. Birth of another Son. Her +Husband resigns his Pastoral Charge. Voyage to Europe. + + +CHAPTER VI. + +IN RETREAT AMONG THE ALPS. + +1858-1860. + +I. + +Life Abroad. Letters about the Voyage, and the Journey from Havre to +Switzerland. Chateau d'Oex. Letters from there. The Chalet Rosat. The +Free Church of the Canton de Vaud. Pastor Panchaud. + +II. + +Montreux. The Swiss Autumn. Castle of Chillon. Death and Sorrow of +Friends at Home. Twilight Talks. Spring Flowers. + +III. + +The Campagne Genevrier. Vevay. Beauty of the Region. Birth of a Son. +Visit from Professor Smith. Excursion to Chamouni. Whooping-cough and +Scarlet-fever among the Children. Doctor Curchod. Letters. + +IV. + +Paris. Sight-seeing. A sick Friend. London and its Environs. The Queen +and Prince Albert. The Isle of Wight. Homeward. + + +CHAPTER VII. + +THE STRUGGLE WITH ILL-HEALTH. + +1861-1865. + +I. + +At Home again in New York. The Church of the Covenant. Increasing +Ill-health. The Summer of 1861. Death of Louisa Payson Hopkins. Extracts +from her Journal. Summer of 1862. Letters. Despondency. + +II. + +Another care-worn Summer. Letters from Williamstown and Rockaway. Hymn +on Laying the Corner-stone of the Church of the Covenant. + +III. + +Happiness in her Children. The Summer of 1864. Letters from Hunter. +Affliction among Friends. + +IV. + +Death of President Lincoln. Dedication of the Church of the Covenant. +Growing Insomnia. Resolves to try the Water-cure. Its beneficial +Effects. Summer at Newburgh. Reminiscences of an Excursion to Palz +Point. Death of her Husband's Mother. Funeral of her Nephew, Edward +Payson Hopkins. + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +THE PASTOR'S WIFE AND DAUGHTER OF CONSOLATION. + +1866-1868. + +I. + +Happiness as a Pastor's Wife. Visits to Newport and Williamstown. +Letters. The Great Portland Fire. First Summer at Dorset. The new +Parsonage occupied. Second Summer at Dorset. _Little Lou's Sayings and +Doings_. Project of a Cottage. Letters. _The Little Preacher_. Illness +and Death of Mrs. Edward Payson and of Little Francis. + +II. + +Last Visit from Mrs. Stearns. Visits to old Friends at Newport and +Rochester. Letters. Goes to Dorset. _Fred and Maria and Me_. Letters. + +III. + +Return to Town. Death of an old Friend. Letters and Notes of Love and +Sympathy. An Old Ladies' Party. Scenes of Trouble and Dying Beds. Fifty +Years Old. Letters. + + +CHAPTER IX. + +STEPPING HEAVENWARD. + +1869. + +I. + +Death of Mrs. Stearns. Her Character. Dangerous Illness of Prof. Smith. +Death at the Parsonage. Letters. A Visit to Vassar College. Letters. +Getting ready for the General Assembly. "Gates Ajar". + +II. + +How she earned her Sleep. Writing for young Converts about speaking the +Truth. Meeting of the General Assembly in the Church of the Covenant. +Reunion, D.D.'s, and Strawberry Short-cake. "Enacting the Tiger." +Getting Ready for Dorset. Letters. + +III. + +The new Home in Dorset. What it became to her. Letters from there. + +IV. + +Return to Town. Domestic Changes. Letters. "My Heart sides with God in +everything." Visiting among the Poor. "Conflict isn't Sin." Publication +of _Stepping Heavenward_. Her Misgivings about it. How it was received. +Reminiscences by Miss E. A. Warner. Letters. The Rev. Wheelock Craig. + +V. + +Recollections by Mrs. Henry B. Smith + + +CHAPTER X. + +ON THE MOUNT. + +1870. + +I. + +A happy Year. Madame Guyon. What sweetens the Cup of earthly Trials and +the Cup of earthly Joy. Death of Mrs. Julia B. Cady. Her Usefulness. +Sickness and Death of other Friends. "My Cup runneth over." Letters. +"More Love to Thee, O Christ". + +II. + +Her Silver Wedding. "_I have lived, I have loved_." No Joy can put her +out of Sympathy with the Trials of Friends. A Glance backward. Last +Interview with a dying Friend. More Love and more Likeness to Christ. +Funeral of a little Baby. Letters to Christian Friends. + +III. + +Lines on going to Dorset. A Cloud over her. Faber's Life. Loving Friends +for one's own sake and loving them for Christ's sake. The Bible and the +Christian Life. Dorset Society and Occupations. Counsels to a young +Friend in Trouble. "Don't stop praying for your Life!" Cure for the +Heart-sickness caused by the Sight of human Imperfections. Fenelon's +Teaching about Humiliation and being patient with Ourselves. + +IV. + +_The Story Lizzie Told_. Country and City. The Law of Christian +Progress. Letters to a Friend bereft of three Children. Sudden Death of +another Friend. "Go on; step faster." Fenelon and his Influence upon her +religious Life. Lines on her Indebtedness to him. + + +CHAPTER XI. + +IN HER HOME. + +I. + +Home-life in New York. + +II. + +Home-life in Dorset. + +III. + +Further Glimpses of her Dorset Life. + + +CHAPTER XII. + +THE TRIAL OF FAITH. + +1871-1872. + +I. + +Two Years of Suffering. Its Nature and Causes. Spiritual Conflicts. +Ill-health. Faith a Gift to be won by Prayer. Death-bed of Dr. Skinner. +Visit to Philadelphia. "Daily Food." How to read the Bible so as to love +it more. Letters of Sympathy and Counsel. "Prayer for Holiness brings +Suffering." Perils of human Friendship. + +II. + +Her Husband called to Chicago. Lines on going to Dorset. Letters to +young Friends on the Christian Life. Narrow Escape from Death. Feeling +on returning to Town. Her "Praying Circle." The Chicago Fire. The true +Art of Living. God our only safe Teacher. An easily-besetting Sin. +Counsels to young Friends. Letters. + +III. + +"Holiness and Usefulness go hand-in-hand." No two Souls dealt with +exactly alike. Visits to a stricken Home. Another Side of her Life. +Visit to a Hospital. Christian Friendship. Letters to a bereaved Mother. +Submission not inconsistent with Suffering. Thoughts at the Funeral of +a little "Wee Davie." Assurance of Faith. Funeral of Prof. Hopkins. His +Character. + +IV. + +Christian Parents to expect Piety in their Children. Perfection. "People +make too much Parade of their Troubles." "Higher Life" Doctrines. Letter +to Mrs. Washburn. Last Visit to Williamstown. + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +PEACEABLE FRUIT. + +1873-1874. + +I. + +Effect of spiritual Conflict upon her religious Life. Overflowing +Affections. Her Husband called to Union Theological Seminary. Baptism of +Suffering. The Character of her Friendships. No perfect Life. Prayer. +"Only God can satisfy a Woman." Why human Friendship is a Snare. +Letters. + +II. + +Goes to Dorset. Christian Example. At Work among her Flowers. Dangerous +Illness. Her Feeling about Dying. Death an "Invitation" from Christ. +"The Under-current bears _Home_." "More Love, more Love!" A Trait of +Character. Special Mercies. What makes a sweet Home. Letters. + +III. + +Change of Home and Life in New York. A Book about Robbie. Her Sympathy +with young People. "I have in me two different Natures." What Dr. De +Witt said at the Grave of his Wife. The Way to meet little Trials. +Faults in Prayer-meetings. How special Theories of the Christian Life +are formed. Sudden Illness of Prof. Smith. Publication of _Golden +Hours_. How it was received. + +IV. + +Incidents of the Year 1874. Starts a Bible-reading in Dorset. Begins +to take Lessons in Painting. A Letter from her Teacher. Publication of +_Urbane and His Friends_. Design of the Work. Her Views of the Christian +Life. The Mystics. The Indwelling Christ. An Allegory. + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +WORK AND PLAY. + +1875-1877. + +I. + +A Bible-reading in New York. Her Painting. "Grace for Grace." Death of +a young Friend. The Summer at Dorset. Bible-readings there. Encompassed +with Kindred. Typhoid Fever in the House. Watching and Waiting. The +Return to Town. A Day of Family Rejoicing. Life a "Battle-field." + +II. + +The Moody and Sankey Meetings. Her Interest in them. Mr. Moody. +Publication of _Griselda_. Goes to the Centennial. At Dorset again. Her +Bible-readings. A Moody-meeting Convert. Visit to Montreal. Publication +of _The Home at Greylock_. Her Theory of a happy Home. Marrying for +Love. Her Sympathy with young Mothers. Letters. + +III. + +The Year 1877. Death of her Cousin, the Rev. Charles H. Payson. Last +Illness and Death of Prof. Smith. "Let us take our Lot in Life just as +it comes." Adorning one's Home. How much Time shall be given to it? +God's Delight in His beautiful Creations. Death of Dr. Buck. Visiting +the sick and bereaved. An Ill-turn. Goes to Dorset. The Strangeness of +Life. Kauinfels. The Bible-reading. Letters. + +IV. + +Return to Town. Recollections of this Period. "Ordinary" Christians and +Spiritual Conflict. A tired Sunday Evening. "We may make an Idol of our +Joy." Publication of _Pemaquid_. Kezia Millet. + + +CHAPTER XV. + +FOREVER WITH THE LORD. + +1878. + +I. + +Enters upon her last Year on Earth. A Letter about The Home at Greylock. +Her Motive in writing Books. Visit to the Aquarium. About "Worry." Her +Painting. Saturday Afternoons with her. What she was to her Friends. +Resemblance to Madame de Broglie. Recollections of a Visit to East +River. A Picture of her by an old Friend. Goes to Dorset. Second Advent +Doctrine. Last Letters. + +II. + +Little Incidents and Details of her last Days on Earth. Last Visit to +the Woods. Sudden Illness. Last Bible-reading. Last Drive to Hager +Brook. Reminiscence of a last Interview. Closing Scenes. Death. The +Burial. + + +APPENDIX + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +THE CHILD AND THE GIRL. + +1818-1839. + +I. Birth-place and Ancestry. Seth Payson. Edward Payson. His Mother. A +Sketch of his Life and Character. The Fervor of his Piety. Despondent +Moods and their Cause. Bright, natural Traits. How he prayed and +preached. Conversational Gift. Love to Christ. Triumphant Death. + + +Mrs. Prentiss was fortunate in the place of her birth. She first saw the +light at Portland, Maine. Maine was then a district of Massachusetts, +and Portland was its chief town and seaport, distinguished for beauty of +situation, enterprise, intelligence, social refinement and all the best +qualities of New England character. Not a few of the early settlers had +come from Cape Cod and other parts of the old Bay State, and the blood +of the Pilgrim Fathers ran in their veins. Among its leading citizens at +that time were such men as Stephen Longfellow, Simon Greenleaf, Prentiss +Mellen, Samuel Fessenden, Ichabod Nichols, Edward Payson, and Asa +Cummings; men eminent for private and public virtue, and some of whom +were destined to become still more widely known, by their own growing +influence, or by the genius of their children. + +But while favored in the place of her birth, Mrs. Prentiss was more +highly favored still in her parentage. For more than half a century the +name of her father has been a household word among the churches not of +New England only, but throughout the land and even beyond the sea. It is +among the most beloved and honored in the annals of American piety. [1] +He belonged to a very old Puritan stock, and to a family noted during +two centuries for the number of ministers of the Gospel who have sprung +from it. The first in the line of his ancestry in this country was +Edward, who came over in the brig Hopewell, William Burdeck, Master, in +1635-6, and settled in the town of Roxbury. He was a native of Nasing, +Essex Co., England. Among his fellow-passengers in the Hopewell was Mary +Eliot, then a young girl, sister of John Eliot, the illustrious "Apostle +to the Indians." Some years later she became his wife. Their youngest +son, Samuel, was father of the Rev. Phillips Payson, who was born at +Dorchester, Massachusetts, 1705, and settled at Walpole, in the same +State, in 1730. He had four sons in the ministry, all, like himself, +graduates of Harvard College. The youngest of these, the Rev. Seth +Payson, D.D., Mrs. Prentiss' grandfather, was born September 30, 1758, +was ordained and settled at Rindge, New Hampshire, December 4, 1782, and +died there, after a pastorate of thirty-seven years, February 26, 1820. +His wife was Grata Payson, of Pomfret, Conn. He was a man widely known +in his day and of much weight in the community, not only in his own +profession but in civil life, also, having several times filled the +office of State senator. When in 1819 a plan was formed to remove +Williams College to a more central location, and several towns competed +for the honor, Dr. Payson was associated with Chancellor Kent of New +York, and Governor John Cotton Smith of Connecticut, as a committee to +decide upon the rival claims. He is described as possessing a sharp, +vigorous intellect, a lively imagination, a very retentive memory, and +was universally esteemed as an able and faithful minister of Christ. [2] + +Edward, the eldest son of Seth and Grata Payson, was born at Rindge, +July 25, 1783. His mother was noted for her piety, her womanly +discretion, and her personal and mental graces. Edward was her +first-born, and from his infancy to the last year of his life she +lavished upon him her love and her prayers. The relation between them +was very beautiful. His letters to her are models of filial devotion, +and her letters to him are full of tenderness, good sense, and pious +wisdom. He inherited some of her most striking traits, and through him +they passed on to his youngest daughter, who often said that she owed +her passion for the use of the pen and her fondness for rhyming to her +grandmother Grata. [3] + +Edward Payson was in all respects a highly-gifted man. His genius was as +marked as his piety. There is a charm about his name and the story of +his life, that is not likely soon to pass away. He belonged to a class +of men who seem to be chosen of Heaven to illustrate the sublime +possibilities of Christian attainment--men of seraphic fervor of +devotion, and whose one overmastering passion is to win souls for Christ +and to become wholly like Him themselves. Into this goodly fellowship +he was early initiated. There is something startling in the depth and +intensity of his religious emotions, as recorded in his journal and +letters. Nor is it to be denied that they are often marred by a very +morbid element. Like David Brainerd, the missionary saint of New +England, to whom in certain features of his character he bore no little +resemblance, Edward Payson was of a melancholy temperament and subject, +therefore, to sudden and sharp alternations of feeling. While he had +great capacity for enjoyment, his capacity for suffering was equally +great. Nor were these native traits suppressed, or always overruled, by +his religious faith; on the contrary, they affected and modified his +whole Christian life. In its earlier stages, he was apt to lay too much +stress by far upon fugitive "frames," and to mistake mere weariness, +torpor, and even diseased action of body or mind, for coldness toward +his Saviour. And almost to the end of his days he was, occasionally, +visited by seasons of spiritual gloom and depression, which, no doubt, +were chiefly, if not solely, the result of physical causes. It was +an error that grew readily out of the brooding introspection and +self-anatomy which marked the religious habit of the times. The close +connection between physical causes and morbid or abnormal conditions of +the spiritual life, was not as well understood then as it is now. +Many things were ascribed to Satanic influence which should have been +ascribed rather to unstrung nerves and loss of sleep, or to a violation +of the laws of health. [4] The disturbing influence of nervous and other +bodily or mental disorders upon religious experience deserves a fuller +discussion than it has yet received. It is a subject which both modern +science and modern thought, if guided by Christian wisdom, might help +greatly to elucidate. + +The morbid and melancholy element, however, was only a painful incident +of his character. It tinged his life with a vein of deep sadness and led +to undue severity of self-discipline; but it did not seriously impair +the strength and beauty of his Christian manhood. It rather served to +bring them into fuller relief, and even to render more striking those +bright natural traits--the sportive humor, the ready mother wit, the +facetious pleasantry, the keen sense of the ridiculous, and the wondrous +story-telling gift--which made him a most delightful companion to young +and old, to the wise and the unlettered alike. It served, moreover, to +impart peculiar tenderness to his pastoral intercourse, especially with +members of his flock tried and tempted like as he was. He had learned +how to counsel and comfort them by the things which he also had +suffered. He may have been too exacting and harsh in dealing with +himself; but in dealing with other souls nothing could exceed the +gentleness, wisdom, and soothing influence of his ministrations. + +As a preacher he was the impersonation of simple, earnest, and +impassioned utterance. Although not an orator in the ordinary sense of +the term, he touched the hearts of his hearers with a power beyond the +reach of any oratory. Some of his printed sermons are models in their +kind; that _e.g._ on "Sins estimated by the Light of Heaven," and that +addressed to Seamen. His theology was a mild type of the old New England +Calvinism, modified, on the one hand, by the influence of his favorite +authors--such as Thomas a Kempis, and Fenelon, the Puritan divines of +the seventeenth century, John Newton and Richard Cecil--and on the +other, by his own profound experience and seraphic love. Of his +theology, his preaching and his piety alike, Christ was the living +centre. His expressions of personal love to the Saviour are surpassed +by nothing in the writings of the old mystics. Here is a passage from a +letter to his mother, written while he was still a young pastor: + +I have sometimes heard of spells and charms to excite love, and have +wished for them, when a boy, that I might cause others to love me. But +how much do I now wish for some charm which should lead men to love the +Saviour!... Could I paint a true likeness of Him, methinks I should +rejoice to hold it up to the view and admiration of all creation, and be +hid behind it forever. It would be heaven enough to hear Him praised and +adored. But I can not paint Him; I can not describe Him; I can not make +others love Him; nay, I can not love Him a thousandth part so much as +I ought myself. O, for an angel's tongue! O, for the tongues of ten +thousand angels, to sound His praises. + +He had a remarkable familiarity with the word of God and his mind seemed +surcharged with its power. "You could not, in conversation, mention +a passage of Scripture to him but you found his soul in harmony with +it--the most apt illustrations would flow from his lips, the fire of +devotion would beam from his eye, and you saw at once that not only +could he deliver a sermon from it, but that the ordinary time allotted +to a sermon would be exhausted before he could pour out the fullness of +meaning which a sentence from the word of God presented to his mind." +[5] + +He was wonderfully gifted in prayer. Here all his intellectual, +imaginative, and spiritual powers were fused into one and poured +themselves forth in an unbroken stream of penitential and adoring +affection. When he said, "Let us pray," a divine influence seemed to +rest upon all present. His prayers were not mere pious mental exercises, +they were devout inspirations. + +No one can form an adequate conception of what Dr. Payson was from any +of the productions of his pen. Admirable as his written sermons are, his +extempore prayers and the gushings of his heart in familiar talk were +altogether higher and more touching than anything he wrote. It was my +custom to close my eyes when he began to pray, and it was always a +letting down, a sort of rude fall, to open them again, when he had +concluded, and find myself still on the earth. His prayers always took +my spirit into the immediate presence of Christ, amid the glories of +the spiritual world; and to look round again on this familiar and +comparatively misty earth was almost painful. At every prayer I heard +him offer, during the seven years in which he was my spiritual guide, +I never ceased to feel new astonishment, at the wonderful variety and +depth and richness and even novelty of feeling and expression which were +poured forth. This was a feeling with which every hearer sympathised, +and it is a fact well-known, that Christians trained under his influence +were generally remarkable for their devotional habits. [6] + +Dr. Payson possessed rare conversational powers and loved to wield +them in the service of his Master. When in a genial mood--and the mild +excitement of social intercourse generally put him in such a mood--his +familiar talk was equally delightful and instructive. He was, in truth, +an improvisatore. Quick perception, an almost intuitive insight into +character, an inexhaustible fund of fresh, original thought and +incident, the happiest illustrations, and a memory that never faltered +in recalling what he had once read or seen, easy self-control, and +ardent sympathies, all conspired to give him this preeminence. Without +effort or any appearance of incongruity he could in turn be grave +and gay, playful and serious. This came of the utter sincerity and +genuineness of his character. There was nothing artificial about him; +nature and grace had full play and, so to say, constantly ran into +each other. A keen observer, who knew him well, both in private and in +public, testifies: "His facetiousness indeed was ever a near neighbor +to his piety, if it was not a part of it; and his most cheerful +conversations, so far from putting his mind out of tune for acts of +religious worship, seemed but a happy preparation for the exercise of +devotional feelings." [7] This coexistence of serious with playful +elements is often found in natures of unusual depth and richness, just +as tragic and comic powers sometimes co-exist in a great poet. + +The same qualities that rendered him such a master of conversation, lent +a potent charm to his familiar religious talks in the prayer-meeting, +at the fireside, or in the social circle. Always eager to speak for +his Master, he knew how to do it with a wise skill and a tenderness of +feeling that disarmed prejudice and sometimes won the most determined +foe. Even in administering reproof or rebuke there was the happiest +union of tact and gentleness. "What makes you blush so?" said a reckless +fellow in the stage, to a plain country girl, who was receiving the +mail-bag at a post office from the hand of the driver. "What makes you +blush so, my dear?" "Perhaps," said Dr. Payson, who sat near him and was +unobserved till now, "Perhaps it is because some one spoke rudely to her +when the stage was along here the last time." + +Edward Payson was graduated at Harvard College in the class of 1803. +In the autumn of that year he took charge of an academy then recently +established in Portland. Resigning this position in 1806, he returned +home and devoted himself to the study of divinity under his father's +care. He was licensed to preach in May, 1807, and a few months later +received a unanimous call to Portland, where he was ordained in December +of the same year. On the 8th of May, 1811, he was married to Ann Louisa +Shipman, of New Haven, Conn. An extract from a manly letter to Miss +Shipman, written a few weeks after their engagement, will show the +spirit which inspired him both as a lover and a husband: + +When I wrote my first letter after my late visit, I felt almost angry +with you and quite so with myself. And why angry with you? Because I +began to fear you would prove a dangerous rival to my Lord and Master, +and draw away my heart from His service. My Louisa, should this be the +case, I should certainly hate you. I am Christ's; I must be Christ's; He +has purchased me dearly, and I should hate the mother who bore me, if +she proved even the _innocent_ occasion of drawing me from Him. I feared +that you would do this. For a little time the conflict of my feelings +was dreadful beyond description. For a few moments I wished I had never +seen you. Had you been a right hand, or a right eye, had you been the +life-blood in my veins (and you are dear to me as either) I must have +given you up, had I continued to feel as I did. But blessed be God, +He has shown me my weakness only to strengthen me. I now feel very +differently. I still love you dearly as ever, but my love leads me _to_ +Christ and not _from_ Him. + +Dr. Payson received repeated invitations to important churches in +Boston and New York, but declining them all, continued in the Portland +pastorate until his death, which occurred October 22, 1827, in the +forty-fifth year of his age. The closing months of his life were +rendered memorable by an extraordinary triumph of Christian faith and +patience, as well as of the power of mind over matter. His bodily +suffering and agonies were indescribable, but, like one of the old +martyrs in the midst of the flames, he seemed to forget them all in the +greatness of his spiritual joy. In a letter written shortly after his +death, Mrs. Payson gives a touching account of the tender and thoughtful +concern for her happiness which marked his last illness. Knowing, for +example, that she would be compelled to part with her house, he was +anxious to have a smaller one purchased and occupied at once, so that +his presence in it for a little while might make it seem more home-like +to her and to her children after he was gone. "To tell you (she adds) +what he was the last six memorable weeks would be altogether beyond my +skill. All who beheld him called his countenance angelic." She then +repeats some of his farewell words to her. Begging that, she would "not +dwell upon his poor, shattered frame, but follow his blessed spirit to +the realms of glory," he burst forth into an exultant song of delight, +as if already he saw the King in His beauty! The well-known letter to +his sister Eliza, dated a few weeks before his departure, breathes the +same spirit. Here is an extract from it: + +Were I to adopt the figurative language of Bunyan, I might date this +letter from the land of Beulah, of which I have been for some weeks a +happy inhabitant. The celestial city is full in my view. Its glories +beam upon me, its breezes fan me, its odors are wafted to me, its sounds +strike upon my ear, and its spirit is breathed into my heart. Nothing +separates me from it but the river of death, which now appears but as an +insignificant rill, that may be crossed at a single step, whenever God +shall give permission. The Sun of Righteousness has been gradually +drawing nearer and nearer, appearing larger and brighter as He +approached, and now He fills the whole hemisphere, pouring forth a flood +of glory, in which I seem to float like an insect in the beams of the +sun, exulting yet almost trembling while I gaze on this excessive +brightness, and wondering, with unutterable wonder, why God should deign +thus to shine upon a sinful worm. A single heart and a single tongue +seem altogether inadequate to my wants; I want a whole heart for every +separate emotion, and a whole tongue to express that emotion. But why do +I speak thus of myself and my feelings? why not speak only of our God +and Redeemer? It is because I know not what to say--when I would speak +of them my words are all swallowed up. + +And thus, gazing already upon the Beatific Vision, he passed on into +glory. What is written concerning his Lord and Master might with almost +literal truth have been inscribed over his grave: _The zeal of Thy house +hath eaten me up._ + + * * * * * + +II. + +Birth and Childhood of Elizabeth Payson. Early Traits. Devotion to her +Father. His Influence upon her. Letters to her Sister. Removal to New +York. Reminiscences of the Payson Family. + + +Elizabeth Payson was born "about three o'clock"--so her father records +it--on Tuesday afternoon, October 26, 1818. She was the fifth of eight +children, two of whom died in infancy. All good influences seem to have +encircled her natal hour. In a letter to his mother, dated October 27, +Dr Payson enumerates six special mercies, by which the happy event had +been crowned. One of them was the gratification of the mother's "wish +for a daughter rather than a son." Another was God's goodness to him +in sparing both the mother and the child in spite of his fear that he +should lose them. This fear, strangely enough, was occasioned by the +unusual religious peace and comfort which he had been enjoying. He had +a presentiment that in this way God was forearming him for some +extraordinary trial; and the loss of his wife seemed to him most likely +to be that trial. "God has been so gracious to me in spiritual things, +that I thought He was preparing me for Louisa's death. Indeed it may be +so still, and if so His will be done. Let Him take all--and if He leaves +us Himself we still have all and abound." The next day he writes: + +Still God is kind to us. Louisa and the babe continue as well as we +could desire. Truly, my cup runs over with blessings. I can still +scarcely help thinking that God is preparing me for some severe trial; +but if He will grant me His presence as He does now, no trial can seem +severe. Oh, could I now drop the body, I would stand and cry to all +eternity without being weary: God is holy, God is just, God is good; +God is wise and faithful and true. Either of His perfections alone is +sufficient to furnish matter for an eternal, unwearied song. Could I +sing upon paper I should break forth into singing, for day and night I +can do nothing but sing "Let the saints be joyful," etc., etc. But I +must close. I can not send so much love and thankfulness to my parents +as they deserve. My present happiness, all my happiness I ascribe under +God to them and their prayers. + +Surely, a home inspired and ruled by such a spirit was a sweet home to +be born into! + +The notices of Elizabeth's childhood depict her as a dark-eyed, delicate +little creature, of sylph-like form, reserved and shy in the presence of +strangers, of a sweet disposition, and very intense in her sympathies. +"Until I was three years old mother says I was a little angel," she once +wrote to a friend. Her constitution was feeble, and she inherited from +her father his high-strung nervous temperament. "I never knew what it +was to feel well," she wrote in 1840. Severe pain in the side, fainting +turns, the sick headache, and other ailments troubled her, more or less, +from infancy. She had an eye wide open to the world about her, and quick +to catch its varying aspects of light and beauty, whether on land +or sea. The ships and wharves not far from her father's house, the +observatory and fort on the hill overlooking Casco Bay, the White +Mountains far away in the distance, Deering's oaks, the rope-walk, and +the ancient burying-ground--these and other familiar objects of "the +dear old town," commemorated by Longfellow in his poem entitled "My Lost +Youth," were indelibly fixed in her memory and followed her wherever she +went, to the end of her days. In her movements she was light-footed, +venturesome to rashness, and at times wild with fun and frolic. Her +whole being was so impressionable that things pleasant and things +painful stamped themselves upon it as with the point of a diamond. +Whatever she did, whatever she felt, she felt and did as for her life. +Allusion has been made to the intensity of her sympathies. The sight or +tale of suffering would set her in a tremor of excitement; and in her +eagerness to give relief she seemed ready for any sacrifice, however +great. This trait arrested the observant eye of her father, and he +expressed to Mrs. Payson his fear lest it might some day prove a real +misfortune to the child. "She will be in danger of marrying a blind man, +or a helpless cripple, out of pure sympathy," he once said. + +But by far the strongest of all the impressions of her childhood related +to her father. His presence was to her the happiest spot on earth, and +any special expression of his affection would throw her into an ecstasy +of delight. When he was away she pined for his return. "The children +all send a great deal of love, and Elizabeth says, Do tell Papa to +come home," wrote her mother to him, when she was six years old. Her +recollections of her father were singularly vivid. She could describe +minutely his domestic habits, how he looked and talked as he sat by the +fireside or at the table, his delight in and skillful use of carpenters' +tools, his ingenious devices for amusing her and diverting his own +weariness as he lay sick in bed, _e.g._, tearing up sheets of white +paper into tiny bits, and then letting her pour them out of the +window to "make believe it snowed," or counting all the bristles in a +clothes-brush, and then as she came in from school, holding it up and +bidding her guess their number--his coolness and efficiency in the wild +excitements of a conflagration, the calm deliberation with which he +walked past the horror-stricken lookers on and cut the rope by which +a suicide was suspended; these and other incidents she would recall a +third of a century after his death, as if she had just heard of or just +witnessed them. To her child's imagination his memory seemed to be +invested with the triple halo of father, hero, and saint. A little +picture of him was always near her. She never mentioned his name without +tender affection and reverence. Nor is this at all strange. She was +almost nine years old when he died; and his influence, during these +years, penetrated to her inmost being. She once said that of her +father's virtues one only--punctuality--had descended to her. But here +she was surely wrong. Not only did she owe to him some of the most +striking peculiarities of her physical and mental constitution, but her +piety itself, if not inherited, was largely inspired and shaped by his. +In the whole tone and expression of her earlier religious life, at +least, one sees him clearly reflected. His devotional habits, in +particular, left upon her an indelible impression. Once, when four +or five years old, rushing by mistake into his room, she found him +prostrate upon his face--completely lost in prayer. A short time before +her death, speaking of this scene to a friend, she remarked that the +remembrance of it had influenced her ever since. What somebody said +of Sara Coleridge might indeed have been said with no less truth of +Elizabeth Payson: "Her father had looked down into her eyes and left in +them the light of his own." + +The only records of her childhood from her own pen consist of the +following letters, written to her sister, while the latter was passing a +year in Boston. She was then nine years old. + +PORTLAND, _May 18, 1828._ + +My dear sister:--I thank you for writing to such a little girl as I am, +when you have so little time. I was going to study a little catechism +which Miss Martin has got, but she said I could not learn it. I want +to learn it. I do not like to stay so long at school. We have to write +composition by dictation, as Miss Martin calls it. She reads to us out +of a book a sentence at a time. We write it and then we write it again +on our slates, because we do not always get the whole; then we write +it on a piece of paper. Miss Martin says I may say my Sunday-school +[lesson] there. Mr. Mitchell has had a great many new books. I have been +sick. Doctor Cummings has been here and says E. is better and he thinks +he will not have a fever.... G. goes to school to Miss Libby, and H. +goes to Master Jackson. H. sends his love. Good-bye. + +Your affectionate sister, E. PAYSON, + +_September 29, 1828._ + +My dear sister:--I think you were very kind to write to me, when you +have so little time. I began to go to Mrs. Petrie's school a week ago +yesterday. I stay at home Mondays in the morning to assist in taking +care of Charles or such little things as I can do. G. goes with me. When +mother put Charles and him to bed, as soon as she had done praying with +them, G. said, Mother, will this world be all burnt up when we are dead? +She said, Yes, my dear, it will. What, and all the dishes too? will they +melt like lead? and will the ground be burnt up too? O what a nasty fire +it will make. I saw the Northern lights last night. I sleep in a very +large pleasant room in the bed with mother.... I have a very pleasant +room for my baby-house over the porch which has two windows and a +fireplace in it, and a little cupboard too. E. Wood and I are as +intimate as ever. I suppose you know that Mr. Wood is building him a +brick house. Mrs. Merril's little baby is dead. It was buried yesterday +afternoon. Mr. Mussey lives across the street from us. He has a great +many elm trees in his front yard. His house is three stories high and +the trees reach to the top. We have heard two or three times from E. +since he went away. Yesterday all the Sabbath-schools walked in a +procession and then went to our meeting-house and Mr. William Cutter +addressed them. + +I am your affectionate sister, E. Payson. + +Her feeble constitution exposed her to severe attacks of disease, and in +May, 1830, she was brought to the verge of the grave by a violent fever. +Her mother was deeply moved by this event, and while recording in her +journal God's goodness in sparing Elizabeth, wonders whether it is +to the end that she may one day devote herself to her Saviour and do +something for the "honor of religion." In the latter part of 1830 Mrs. +Payson removed to New York, where her eldest daughter opened a school +for girls. It was during this residence in New York that Elizabeth, at +the age of twelve years, made a public confession of Christ and came to +the Lord's table for the first time. She was received into the Bleecker +street--now the Fourth avenue--Presbyterian church, then under the +pastoral care of the Rev. Erskine Mason, D.D., May 1, 1831. Toward the +close of the same year the family returned to Portland. + +In a letter addressed to her husband, one of Mrs. Prentiss' oldest +friends now living, Miss Julia D. Willis, has furnished the following +reminiscences of her early years. While they confirm what has been said +about her childhood, they are especially valuable for the glimpses they +give of her father and mother and sister. The Willis and Payson families +were very intimate and warmly attached to each other. Mr. Nathaniel +Willis, the father of N. P. Willis the poet, was well known in +connection with "The Boston Recorder," of which he was for many years +the conductor and proprietor. Both Mr. and Mrs. Willis cherished the +most affectionate veneration for the memory of Dr. Payson. So long as +she lived their house was a home to Mrs. Payson and her daughters, +whenever they visited Boston. + +As a preacher Dr. Payson could not fail to make a strong impression even +on a child. Years ago in New York I once told Mrs. Prentiss, who was too +young, at her father's death, to remember him well in the pulpit, that +the only public speaker who ever reminded me of him, was Edwin Booth in +Hamlet. I surprised, and, I am afraid, a little shocked her, but it +was quite true. The slender figure, the dark, brilliant eyes, the +deep earnestness of tone, the rapid utterance combined with perfect +distinctness of enunciation, in spite of surroundings the best +calculated to repel such an association, recalled him vividly to my +memory. + +My father's connection with the religious press after his removal from +Portland to Boston, brought many clergymen to our house, who often, +in the kindness of their hearts, requited hospitality by religious +conversation with the children, not church members, and presumably, +therefore, impenitent. I did not always appreciate this kindness as it +deserved, and often exercised considerable ingenuity to avoid being +alone with them. In Dr. Payson's case, I soon learned, on the contrary, +to seek such occasions. I was sure that before long he would look up +from his book, or his manuscript, and have something pleasant or +playful to say to me. His general conversation, however, was oftener on +religious than on any other subjects, but it was so evidently from the +fullness of his heart, and his vivid imagination afforded him such a +wealth of illustration, that it was delightful even to an "impenitent" +child. Years afterward when I read in his Memoir of his desponding +temperament, of his seasons of gloom, of the sense of sin under which +he was bowed down, it seemed impossible to me that it could be _my_ Dr. +Payson. + +I visited Portland and was an inmate of his family, at the commencement +of the illness that finally proved fatal. He was not confined to his +bed, or to his room, but he was forbidden, indeed unable, to preach, +unable to write or study; he could only read and think. Still he did not +shut himself up in his study with his sad thoughts. I remember him as +usually seated with his book by the side of the fire, surrounded by his +family, as if he would enjoy their society as long as possible, and the +children's play was never hushed on his account. Nor did he forget the +young visitor. When the elder daughter, to whom my visit was made, was +at school, he would care for my entertainment by telling a story, or +propounding a riddle, or providing an entertaining book to beguile the +time till Louisa's return. + +Among the group in that cheerful room, I remember Lizzy well, a +beautiful child, slender, dark-eyed, light-footed, very quiet, evidently +observant, but saying little, affectionate, yet not demonstrative. + +One evening during my visit, Mrs. Payson not being quite well, the +elders had retired early, leaving Louisa and myself by the side of the +fire, she preparing her school lesson and I occupied in reading. The +lesson finished, Louisa proposed retiring, but I was too much interested +in my book to leave it and promised to follow soon. She left me rather +reluctantly, and I read on, too much absorbed in my book to notice the +time, till near midnight, when I was startled by hearing Dr. Payson's +step upon the stairs. I expected the reproof which I certainly deserved, +but though evidently surprised at seeing me, he merely said, "You here? +you must be cold. Why did you let the fire go out?" Bringing in some +wood he soon rekindled it, and began to talk to me of the book I was +reading, which was one of Walter Scott's poems. He then spoke of a poem +which he had been reading that day, Southey's "Curse of Kehama." He +related to me with perfect clearness the long and rather involved story, +with that wonderful memory of his, never once forgetting or confusing +the strange Oriental names, and repeating word for word the curse: + + I charm thy life, from the weapons of strife, + From stone and from wood, from fire and from flood, + From the serpent's tooth, and the beasts of blood, + From sickness I charm thee, and time shall not harm thee, etc., etc. + +I listened, intent, fascinated, forgot to ask why he was there instead +of in his bed, forgot that it was midnight instead of mid-day. It was +not till on bidding me good night he added, "I hope you will have a +better night than I shall," that it occurred to me that he must be +suffering. The next day I learned from his wife that when unable to +sleep on account of his racking cough, he often left his bed at night, +the cough being more endurable when in a sitting posture. I never saw +Dr. Payson after that visit, nor for several years any of the family, +except Louisa, who spent a year with us while attending school in +Boston to fit herself as a teacher to aid in the support of her younger +brothers and sister. When I was next with them, Louisa was already at +the head of a school in which her young sister was the brightest pupil, +and to the profits of which she laid no personal claim, all going +untouched into the family purse. Several young girls, Louisa's pupils, +had been received as boarders in the family, and occasionally a +clergyman was added to the number. It was during this visit that I first +learned to appreciate Mrs. Payson. Now that she stood alone at the head +of the household, either her fine qualities were in bolder relief, or I +being older, was better able to estimate them. The singular vivacity of +her intellect made her a delightful companion. Then her youth had been +passed in the literary circles of New Haven and Andover, and she had +much to tell of distinguished people known to me only by reputation. I +admired her firm yet gentle rule, so skilfully adapted to the varying +natures under her charge; her conscientious study of that homely virtue +economy, so distasteful to one of her naturally lavish temper, always +ready to give to those in need to an extent which called forth constant +remonstrances from more prudent friends; her alacrity also in all +household labors, which the more excited my wonder, knowing the little +opportunity she could have had to practise them amid the wealth of her +father's house before the Embargo, which later wrecked his fortune with +those of so many other New England merchants. She was, indeed, of a most +noble nature, hating all meanness and injustice, and full of helpful +kindness and sympathy. No woman ever had warmer or more devoted friends. + +Both at this time and in subsequent visits, as she advanced from +childhood to girlhood, I remember Lizzy well; although my attention +was chiefly absorbed by the elder sister of my own age, my principal +companion when present, and correspondent when absent. The two sisters +were strongly contrasted. Louisa, as a child, was afflicted with a +sensitive, almost morbid shyness and reserve, and an incapacity for +enjoying the society of other children whose tastes were uncongenial +with her own. The shyness passed with her childhood, but the +sensitiveness and exclusiveness never quite left her. Her love of books +was a passion, and she would resent an unfair criticism of a favorite +author as warmly as if it were an attack on a personal friend. To Lizzy, +on the contrary, a friend was a book which she loved to read. Human +nature was her favorite study. There seemed to be no one in whom she +could not find something to interest her, none with whom there was not +some point of sympathy. Combined with this wide and genial sympathy was +another quality which helped to endear her to her companions, viz., an +entire absence of all attempt to show her best side, or put the best +face on anything that concerned her. An ingenuous frankness about +herself and her affairs--even about her little weaknesses--was one +of her most striking traits. No one, indeed, could know her without +learning to love her dearly. Yet if I should say that in my visits to +Portland, Lizzy always appeared to me pre-eminently the life and charm +of the household, it would not be exactly true, though she would +have been so of almost any other household. The Payson family was a +delightful one to visit, all were so bright, and in the contest of wits +that took place often between Lizzy and her merry brothers, it was +sometimes hard to tell which bore off the palm. + +I do not know that I ever thought of her at that time as an author. If +anybody had predicted to me that one of that group would be the writer +of books, which would not only have a wide circulation at home, but be +translated into foreign languages, I should certainly have selected +Louisa, and I think most persons who knew them would have done the same. +The elder sister's passion for books, her great powers of acquisition, +the range of her attainments--embracing not only modern languages and +their literature, but Latin, Greek and Hebrew--her ability to maintain +discussions on German metaphysics and theology with learned Professors, +all seemed to point her out as the one likely to achieve distinction in +the literary world. + +I do not remember whether it was Lizzy's early contributions to "The +Youth's Companion," showing already the germ of the creative power in +her, or her letters to her sister, which first suggested to me that the +pleasure her friends found in her conversation might yet be enjoyed by +those who would never see her. Louisa had given up her school for the +more congenial employment of contributing to magazines and reviews and +of writing children's books. And as the greater literary resources of +Boston drew her thither, she was often for months a welcome guest at our +house, where she first met Professor Hopkins of Williamstown, and whom +she afterward married. The letters which Lizzy wrote to her at those +times were never allowed to be the monopoly of one person; we all +claimed a right to read them. The ease with which in these she seemed +to talk with her pen, the mingled pathos and humor with which she would +relate all the little joys and sorrows of daily life, leaving her +readers between a smile and a tear, showed the same characteristics +which afterward made her published writings so much more generally +attractive than the graver ones of her elder sister. But Louisa's +failing health soon after her marriage, and the long years of suffering +which followed, prevented her ever doing justice to the expectations her +friends had formed for her. + +The occasion of my next visit to Portland was a letter from Mrs. Payson +to my mother, who was her constant correspondent, in which she spoke +sadly of an indisposition she feared was the precursor of serious +illness, but which chiefly troubled her on account of Lizzy's distress +that her school prevented her being constantly with her mother. An +offer on my part to come and take her place, in her hours of necessary +absence, was at once accepted. Mrs. Payson's illness proved less serious +than had been feared, and once more I passed several pleasant weeks in +that house; but the pleasantest hours of the day were those in which +Lizzy, returning from school, sat down at her mother's bedside and +amused her with her talk about her pupils, their various characters and +the progress they had made in their studies, or related little incidents +of the school-room--with her usual frankness not omitting those +which revealed some fault, or what she considered such, on her part, +especially her impulsiveness that led her often to say things she +afterward regretted. As an example, one of her pupils was reading French +to her and coming to the expression Mon Dieu! so common in French +narratives, had pronounced it so badly that Lizzy exclaimed, "Mon Doo? +He would not know himself what you meant!" The laugh which it was +impossible to repress, did not diminish her compunction at what she +feared her pupils would regard as irreverence on her part. I believe I +always cherished sufficient affection for my teachers, and yet I was not +a little astonished on accompanying Lizzy to school one day, to see as +we turned the corner of a street a rush of girls with unbonneted heads, +to greet their young teacher for whom they had been watching, and escort +her to her throne in the school-room, and evidently in their hearts. For +a year or two after this visit I have no recollection of her, or indeed +of any of the Payson family. Death, meanwhile, had been busy in my own +home, and my memory is a blank for anything beyond that sad circle. + +Since that date you have known her better than I. I wish that these +recollections of a time when I knew her better than you, were not so +meagre. If we were not thousands of miles apart, and I could talk with +you, instead of writing to you, perhaps they would not appear quite so +unsatisfying. Yet, trivial as they are, I send them, in the persuasion +that any trifle that concerned her or hers is of interest to you. + +GENEVA, Switzerland, _Feb. 1, 1879._ + + * * * * * + +III. + +Recollections of Elizabeth's Girlhood by an early Friend and Schoolmate. +Her own Picture of Herself before her Father's Death. Favorite Resorts. +Why God permits so much Suffering. Literary Tastes. Letters. "What are +Little Babies For?" Opens a School. Religious Interest. + + +It is to be regretted that the letters referred to by Miss Willis, and +indeed nearly all of Elizabeth's family letters, written before she left +her mother's roof, have disappeared. But the following recollections by +Mrs. M. C. H. Clark, of Portland, will in part supply their place and +serve to fill up the outline, already given, of the first twenty years +of her life. + +In the volume of sketches entitled, "Only a Dandelion," you will find, +in the story of Anna and Emily, some very pleasing incidents relating +to the early life of dear Elizabeth. Anna was Lizzy Wood, her earliest +playmate and friend. Miss Wood was a sweet girl, the only sister of Dr. +William Wood, of Portland. She died at an early age. Emily was Mrs. +Prentiss herself. I remember her once telling me about the visit at +"Aunt W.'s," and believe that nearly all the details of the story are +founded in fact. It is her own picture of herself as a little girl, +drawn to the life. Several traits of the character of Emily, as given in +the sketch, are on this account worthy of special note. One is her very +intense desire not only to be loved, but to be loved _alone_, or much +more than any one else; and to be assured of it "over and over again." +When Anna returned from her journey, she brought the same presents to +Susan Morton as to Emily. On discovering this fact Emily was greatly +distressed. + +"I thought you would be so glad to get all these things!" said Anna. + +"And so I am," said Emily, "I only want you to love me better than any +other little girl, because I love you better." + +"Well, and so I do," returned Anna; "I love you ten times as well as I +love Susan Morton." + +This satisfied Emily, and "for many days her restless little heart was +as quiet and happy as a lamb's." + +Another trait is brought out in the incident that occurred on her +returning home from Anna's. She had written, or rather scratched, the +word "Anna," over one whole side of her room, while odd lines of what +purported to be poetry filled the other. + +But this was not all. Her sister produced the beautiful Bible which had +been given Emily by her Aunt Lucy, on her seventh birthday, and showed +her father how all its blank leaves were covered with Annas. Her +father took the book with reverence, and Emily understood and felt the +seriousness with which he examined her idle scrawls. It was a look that +would have risen up before her and made her stay her hand, should she +ever again in her life-long have been tempted thus to misuse the word +of God; just as the angel stood before Balaam in the narrow path he was +struggling to push through. But Emily never again was thus tempted; and +ever after her Bible was sacredly kept free from "blot, or wrinkle, or +any such thing." + +Her father now took her with him to his study, and gave her a great many +pieces of paper, some large and some small, on which he told her with a +smile, she could write Anna's name to her heart's content. Emily felt +very grateful; this little kindness on her father's part did her more +good than a month's lecture could have done, and made her resolve never +to do anything that could possibly grieve him again. She went away to +her own little baby-house and wrote on one of the bits of paper, some +verses, in which she said she had the best father in the world. When +they were done, she read them over once or twice, and admired them +exceedingly; after which, with a very mysterious air, she went and threw +them into the kitchen fire. + +This incident, so prettily related, illustrates the intensity of her +friendships, shows that she had begun to write verses when a mere child, +and gives a very pleasant glimpse of her father and of her devotion to +him. + +My intimate acquaintance with her commenced in 1832, when we were +members of Miss Tyler's Sabbath-school class. Miss Tyler was a daughter +of Rev. Dr. Bennett Tyler, her father's successor. She was greatly +pleased when I told her I was going to attend her sister's school, which +was opened in the spring of 1833, on the corner of Middle and Lime +streets. My seat was next to hers and we were placed in the same +classes. Our homes were near each other on Franklin street, and we +always walked back and forth together. She was at this time a prolific +writer of notes. Sometimes she would meet me on Monday morning with not +less than four, written since we had parted on Saturday afternoon. She +used to complain now and then, that I wrote her only one to four or five +of hers to me. In the pleasant summer afternoons we loved to take long +walks together. One was down by the shore behind the eastern promenade. +Here we would find a sheltered nook, and with our backs to the world +and our faces toward the islands and the ocean, would sit in "rapt +enjoyment" of the scene, speaking scarcely a word, until one or the +other exclaimed with a long-drawn sigh: "Well, it is time for us to go +home." + +Another of our places of resort was the old cemetery on Congress street, +which in those days was very retired. Our favorite spot here was the +summit of a tomb, which stood on the highest point in the grounds. It +was the old style of tomb--a broad marble slab, supported by six small +stone pillars on a stone foundation, and surrounded by two steps raised +above the soil. It was a very quiet retreat. We could hear the distant +hum of the city and at the same time enjoy a view of the water and +shipping, as the land sloped down toward the harbor. I remember well +that one dark spring day, as we sat there cuddled up under the broad +slab, Lizzy gave me an account of a book she had just been reading. It +was the Memoir of Miss Susanna Anthony, by old Dr. Hopkins, of Newport. +She told me what a good and holy woman Miss Anthony was, how much she +suffered and how beautifully she bore her sufferings. My sympathy was +strongly excited and I exclaimed, "I do not see how it is _right_ for +God, who can control all things, to permit such suffering!" Lizzy +replied very sweetly, "Well, Carrie, we can't understand it, but I have +been thinking that this _might_ be God's way of preparing His children +for very high degrees of service on earth, or happiness in heaven." I +was deeply impressed with this remark; somehow it seemed to _stand by +me_, and I think it was a corner-stone of her faith. + +This summer--that of 1833--her mother fitted up for her exclusive use +a small room called the "Blue Room," where she had all her books and +treasures--among them a writing desk which had been her father's. Here +all her leisure hours were spent. It was my privilege to be admitted +to this sanctuary, and many pleasant hours we passed together there. I +think Elizabeth was always religious. She knew a great deal then about +the Bible and often talked with me of divine things. She seemed to feel +a deep interest in my spiritual welfare. She loved to share with me her +favorite books. To her I was indebted for my acquaintance with George +Herbert, and with Wordsworth. She induced me to read "Owen on the 133d +Psalm," and Flavel's "Fountain of Life." In 1834 we both began to attend +the Free street Seminary, of which the Rev. Solomon Adams was then +Principal. Her sister had become assistant teacher with him. Our desks +adjoined each other and we were together a great deal. She was an +admirable scholar, very studious, prompt and ready at recitation. Her +influence and example, added to her friendship and sympathy, were +invaluable to me at this period. One day, about this time, she told +me of her engagement with Mr. Willis, to become a contributor to "The +Youth's Companion." This paper was one of the first, if not the first, +of its class published in this country, and had a wide circulation among +the children throughout New England. Most of the pieces in "Only a +Dandelion," first appeared, I think, in the "Youth's Companion," among +the rest several in verse. They are written in a sprightly style, are +full of bright fancies as well as sound feeling and excellent sense, and +foretoken plainly the author of the 'Susy' books. + +In 1835 Lizzy went to Ipswich and spent the summer in the school there. +It was then under the care of Miss Grant, and was the most noted +institution of its kind in New England. A year or two later, Mr. N. P. +Willis returned from Europe, and with his English bride made a short +visit at Mrs. Payson's. Miss Payson talked with him of Elizabeth's taste +for writing poetry and showed him some of her pieces. He praised and +encouraged her warmly, and this was, I think, one of the influences that +strengthened her in the purpose to become an author. Upon my telling her +one day how much I liked a certain Sunday-school book I had just read, +she smilingly asked, "What would you think if some day I should write a +book as good as that?" + +I saw a good deal of her home life at this time. It was full of filial +and sisterly love and devotion. Amidst the household cares by which her +mother was often weighed down and worried, she was an ever-near friend +and sympathizer. To her brothers, too, she endeared herself exceedingly +by her helpful, cheery ways and the strong vein of fun and mirthfulness +which ran through her daily life. + +In the spring of 1837 Mrs. Payson sold her house on Franklin street and +rented one in the upper part of the city. Lizzy used to call it "the +pumpkin house," because it was old and ugly; but its situation and the +opportunity to indulge her rural tastes made amends for all its defects. +In a letter to her friend Miss E. T. of Brooklyn, N. Y., dated May 21, +1837, she thus refers to it: + +Since your last letter arrived we have left our pleasant home for an +old yellow one above John Neal's. Now don't imagine it to be a delicate +straw-color, neither the smiling hue of the early dandelion. No, it once +shone forth in all the glories of a deep pumpkin; but time's "effacing +fingers" have sadly marred its beauty. Mr. Neal's Aunt Ruth, a quiet old +Quakeress, occupies a part of it and we Paysons bestow ourselves in the +remainder. This comes to you from its great garret. Here I sit every +night till after dark as merry as a grig. "The mind is its own place." +With all the inconveniences of the house I would not exchange it +at present for any other in the city. The situation is perfectly +delightful. Casco Bay and part of Deering's Oaks lie in full view. [8] +The Oaks are within a few minutes' walk. Back-Cove is seen beyond, and +rising far above the _blue_ White Mountains. The Arsenal stares us in +the face, if we look out the end windows and the Westbrook meeting-house +is nearer than Mr. Vail's by a quarter of a mile. I never believed there +was anything half so fine in this region. I think nothing of walking +anywhere now. One day, after various domestic duties, I worked in my +tiny garden four hours, and in the afternoon a party of girls came up +for me to go with them to Bramhall's hill. We walked from three till +half past six, came back and ate a hasty, with some of us a _furious_ +supper, and then all paraded down to second parish to singing-school. +I expect to live out in the air most of the summer. I mean to have as +pleasant a one as possible, because we shall never live so near the +Oaks and other pretty places another summer. If you were not so timid I +should wish you were here to run about with me, but who ever heard of +E. T. _running_? Now, Ellen, I never was _meant_ to be dignified and +sometimes--yea, often--I run, skip, hop, and _once_ I did climb over a +fence! Very unladylike, I know, but I am not a lady. + +In the fall of 1837 Mrs. Payson moved again. The incident deserves +mention, as it brought Lizzy into daily intercourse with the Rev. Mr. +French and his wife. Mr. French was rector of the Episcopal church in +Portland, and afterward Professor and Chaplain at West Point. He was +a man of fine literary culture and Mrs. French was a very attractive +woman. In a letter dated "Night before Thanksgiving," and addressed to +the early friend already mentioned, Lizzy refers to this removal and +also gives a glimpse of her active home life: + +I have been busy all day and am so tired I can scarcely hold a pen. +Amidst the beating of eggs, the pounding of spices, the furious rolling +of pastry of all degrees of shortness, the filling of pies with +pumpkins, mince-meat, apples, and the like, the stoning of raisins and +washing of currants, the beating and baking of cake, and all the other +_ings_, (in all of which I have had my share) thoughts of your ladyship +have somehow squeezed themselves in. We have really bidden adieu to +"Pumpkin Place," as Mrs. Willis calls it, and established ourselves in +a house formerly occupied by old Parson Smith--and very snug and +comfortable we are, I assure you. + +In the midst of our "moving," after I had packed and stowed and lifted, +and been elbowed by all the sharp corners in the house, and had my hands +all torn and scratched, I spied the new "Knickerbocker" 'mid a heap of +rubbish and was tempted to peep into it. Lo and behold, the first thing +that met my eye was the Lament of the Last Peach. [9] I didn't care to +read more and forthwith returned to fitting of carpets and arranging +tables and chairs and bureaus--but all the while meditating how I should +be revenged upon you. As to ----'s request I am sorry to answer nay; for +I feel it would be the greatest presumption in me to think of writing +for a magazine like that. I do not wish to publish anything, anywhere, +though it would be quite as wise as to entrust my scraps to _your_ care. +My mother often urges me to send little things which she happens to +fancy, to this and that periodical. Without her interference nothing +of mine would ever have found its way into print. But mammas look +with rose-colored spectacles on the actions and performances of their +offspring. Have you laughed over the Pickwick Papers? We have almost +laughed ourselves to death over them. I have not seen Lizzy D. for a +long time, but hear she is getting along rapidly. If I could go to +school two years more, I should be glad, but of course that is out of +the question.... It is easier for you to write often than it is for me. +You have not three tearing, growing brothers to mend and make for. I am +become quite expert in the arts of patching and darning. I am going to +get some pies and cake and raisins and other goodies to send to our +girl's sick brother. If I had not so dear and happy a home, I should +envy you yours. You say you do not remember whether I love music or not. +I love it extravagantly _sometimes_--but have not the knowledge to enjoy +scientific performances. The simple melody of a single voice is my +delight. Mrs. French, the Episcopal minister's wife, who is a great +friend of ours and lives next door (so near that she and sister talk +together out of their windows), has a baby two days old with black curly +hair and black eyes, and I shall have a nice time with it this winter. +Do you love babies? + +The question with which this letter closes, suggests one of Lizzy's most +striking and loveliest traits. She had a perfect passion for babies, and +reveled in tending, kissing, and playing with them. Here are some pretty +lines in one of her girlish contributions to "The Youth's Companion," +which express her feeling about them: + + What are little babies for? + Say! say! say! + Are they good-for-nothing things? + Nay! nay! nay! + + Can they speak a single word? + Say! say! say! + Can they help their mothers sew? + Nay! nay! nay! + + Can they walk upon their feet? + Say! say! say! + Can they even hold themselves? + Nay! nay! nay! + + What are little babies for? + Say! say! say! + Are they made for us to love? + _Yea_! YEA!! YEA!!! + +In the fall of 1838 Mrs. Payson purchased a house in Cumberland street, +which continued to be her residence until the family was broken up. You +remember the charming little room Lizzy had fitted up over the hall in +this house, how nicely she kept it, and how happy she was in it. One of +the windows looked out on a little flower garden and at the close of the +long summer days the sunset could be enjoyed from the west window. She +had had some fine books given her, which, added to the previous store, +made a somewhat rare collection for a young girl in those days. + +About this time, having been relieved of her part of domestic service by +the coming into the family of a young relative--whose devotion to her +was unbounded--she opened in the house a school for little girls. It +consisted at first of perhaps eight or ten, but their number increased +until the house could scarcely hold them. She was a born teacher and her +young pupils fairly idolized her. [10] In this year, too, she took +a class in the Sabbath-school composed of nearly the same group who +surrounded her on the week-days, and they remained under her care as +long as she lived in Portland. + +The Rev. Mr. Vail having retired from the pastorate of the second parish +in the autumn of 1837, Cyrus Hamlin, just from the Theological Seminary +at Bangor, became the stated supply for some months. His preaching +attracted the young people and during the winter and spring there was +much interest in all the Congregational churches. Following the example +of the other pastors, Mr. Hamlin invited persons seriously disposed to +meet him for religious conversation. Elizabeth besought me, with all +possible earnestness and affection, to "go to Mr. Hamlin's meeting." One +day she came to see me a short time before the hour, saying that I was +ever on her mind and in her prayers, that she had talked with Mr. Hamlin +about me, nor would she leave me until I had promised to attend the +meeting. I did so; and from that time we were united in the strong bonds +of Christian love and sympathy. What a spiritual helper she was to me in +those days! What precious notes I was all the time receiving from +her! The memory of her tender, faithful friendship is still fresh and +delightful, after the lapse of more than forty years. [11] + +In the summer of 1838 the Rev. Jonathan B. Condit, D.D., was called from +his chair in Amherst College and installed pastor of our church. He was +a man of very graceful and winning manners and wonderfully magnetic. He +at once became almost an object of worship with the enthusiastic young +people. The services of the Sabbath and the weekly meetings were +delightful. The young ladies had a praying circle which met every +Saturday afternoon, full of life and sunshine. Indeed, the exclusive +interest of the season was religious; our reading and conversation were +religious; well-nigh the sole subject of thought was learning something +new of our Saviour and His blessed service. All Lizzy's friends and +several of her own family were rejoicing in hope. And she herself was +radiant with joy. For a little while it seemed almost as if the shadows +in the Christian path had fled away, and the crosses vanished out of +sight. The winter and spring of 1840 witnessed another period of general +religious interest in Portland. Large numbers were gathered into the +churches. Lizzy was greatly impressed by the work, her own Christian +life was deepened and widened, she was blessed in guiding several +members of her beloved Sunday-school class to the Saviour, and was thus +prepared, also, for the sharp trial awaiting her in the autumn of the +same year, when she left her home and mother for a long absence in +Richmond. + +From her earliest years she was in the habit of keeping a journal, and +she must have filled several volumes. I wonder that she did not preserve +them as mementos of her childhood and youth. Perhaps because her +afterlife was so happy that she never needed to refer to such +reminiscences of days gone by. + +I have thus given you, in a very informal manner, some recollections of +her earlier years. I have been astonished to find how vividly I recalled +scenes, events and conversations so long past. I was startled and +shocked when the news came of her sudden death. But I can not feel that +she was called to her rest too soon. She seemed to me singularly happy +in all the relations of life; and then as an author, hers was an +exceptional case of full appreciation and success. I have ever regarded +her as "favored among women"--blessed in doing her Master's will and +testifying for Him, blessed in her home, in her friends, and in her +work, and blessed in her death. + +PORTLAND, _December 31, 1878._ + + * * * * * + +IV. + +The Dominant Type of Religious Life and Thought in New England in the +First Half of this Century. Literary Influences. Letter of Cyrus Hamlin. +A Strange Coincidence. + + +A brief notice of the general type of religious life and thought, which +prevailed at this time in New England, will throw light upon both the +preceding and following pages. Elizabeth's early Christian character, +although largely shaped by that of her father, was also, like his, +vitally affected by the religious spirit and methods then dominant. +Several distinct elements entered into the piety of New England at that +period, (1.) There was, first of all, the old Puritan element which the +Pilgrim Fathers and their immediate successors brought with them from +the mother-country, and which had been nourished by the writings of the +great Puritan divines of the seventeenth century--such as Baxter, Howe, +Bunyan, Owen, Matthew Henry, and Flavel--by the "Imitation of Christ," +and Bishop Taylor's "Holy Living and Dying," and by such writers as +Doddridge, Watts, and Jonathan Edwards of the last century. This lay at +the foundation of the whole structure, giving it strength, solidity, +earnestness, and power. (2.) But it was modified by the so-called +Evangelical element, which marked large sections of the Church of +England and most of the Dissenting bodies in Great Britain during +the last half of the eighteenth and the early part of the nineteenth +century. The writings of John Newton, Richard Cecil, Hannah More, Thomas +Scott, Cowper, Wilberforce, Leigh Richmond, John Foster, Andrew Fuller, +and Robert Hall--not to mention others--were widely circulated in New +England and had great influence in its pulpits and its Christian homes. +Their admirable spirit infused itself into thousands of lives, and +helped in many ways to improve the general tone both of theological +and devotional sentiment. (3.) But another element still was the new +Evangelistic spirit, which inaugurated and still informs those great +movements of Christian benevolence, both at home and abroad, that are +the glory of the age. Dr. Payson's ministry began just before the +formation of the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, +and before his death mission-work had come to be regarded as quite +essential to the piety and prosperity of the Church. The Lives of David +Brainerd, Henry Martyn, Harriet Newell, and others like them, were +household books. (4.) Nor should the "revival" element be omitted in +enumerating the forces that then shaped the piety and religious thought +of New England. The growth of the Church and the advancement of the +cause of Christ were regarded as inseparable from this influence. A +revival was the constant object of prayer and effort on the part of +earnest pastors and of the more devout among the people. Far more stress +was laid upon special seasons and measures of spiritual interest and +activity than now--less upon Christian nurture as a means of grace, and +upon the steady, normal development of church life. Many of the most +eminent, devoted, and useful servants of Christ, whose names, during the +last half century, have adorned the annals of American faith and zeal, +owed their conversion, or, if not their conversion, some of their +noblest and strongest Christian impulses, to "revivals of religion." +(5.) To all these should perhaps, be added another element--namely, that +of the new spirit of reform and the new ethical tone, which, during the +third and fourth decades of this century especially, wrought with such +power in New England. Of this influence and of the philanthropic idea +that inspired it, Dr. Channing may be regarded as the most eminent +representative. It brought to the front the humanity and moral teaching +of Christ, as at once the pattern and rule of all true progress, whether +individual or social; and it was widely felt, even where it was not +distinctly recognised or understood. Whatever errors or imperfections +may have belonged to it, this influence did much to soften the dogmatism +of opinion, to arouse a more generous, catholic type of sentiment, to +show that the piety of the New Testament is a principle of universal +love to man, as well as of love to God, and to emphasise the sovereign +claims of personal virtue and social justice. These truths, to be sure, +were not new; but in the great moral-reform movements and conflicts--to +a certain extent even in theological discussions--that marked the times, +they were asserted and applied with extraordinary clearness and energy +of conviction; and, as the event has proved, they were harbingers of a +new era of Christian thought, culture and conduct, both in private and +public life. + +Such were some of the religious influences which surrounded Mrs. +Prentiss during the first twenty years of her life, and which helped to +form her character. She was also strongly affected, especially while +passing from girlhood into early womanhood, by the literary influences +of the day. Poetry and fiction were her delight. She was very fond of +Wordsworth, Tennyson, and Longfellow; while the successive volumes of +Dickens were read by her with the utmost avidity. Mrs. Payson's house +was a good deal visited by scholars and men of culture. Her eldest +daughter had already become somewhat widely known by her writings. In +the extent, variety and character of her attainments she was, in truth, +a marvel. Indeed, she quite overshadowed the younger sister by her +learning and her highly intellectual conversation. And yet Elizabeth +also attracted no little attention from some who had been first drawn +to the house by their friendship for Louisa. [12] Among her warmest +admirers was Mr. John Neal, then well known as a man of letters; he +predicted for her a bright career as an author. Still, it was her +personal character that most interested the visitors at her mother's +house. This may be illustrated by an extract from a letter of Mr. Hamlin +to a friend of the family in New York, written in April, 1838, while he +was their temporary pastor. Mr. Hamlin has since become known throughout +the Christian world by his remarkable career as a missionary in Turkey, +and as organiser of Robert College. A few months after the letter was +written he set sail for Constantinople, accompanied by his wife, whose +early death was the cause of so much grief among all who knew her. [13] +I should like to write a long letter about dear Elizabeth. I have seen +her more since Louisa left and I love her more. She has a peculiar +charm for me. I think she has a quick and excellent judgment, refined +sensibilities, and an _instinctive_ perception of what is fit and +proper.... It seems to me there is a great deal of purity--of the +_spirituelle_--about her feelings. But I can not tell you exactly what +it is that makes me think so highly of her. It is a nameless something +resulting from her whole self, from her sweet face and mouth, her eye +full of love and soul, her form and motion. I do not think she likes me +much, I have paid so much attention to Louisa and so little to herself. +Yet she is not one of those who _claim_ attention, but rather shrinks +from it. She may have faults of which I have no knowledge. But I am +charmed with everything I have seen of her. + +How strange are the chance coincidences of human life! In another letter +to the same friend in New York, in which Mr. Hamlin refers in a similar +manner to Elizabeth, occur these words: + +In a few weeks I hope to be in Dorset, among the Green Mountains, where +my thoughts and feelings have their centre above all places on this +earth. I wish you could be present at my wedding there on the third of +September. + +How little did he dream, when penning these words, or did his friend +dream while reading them, that, after the lapse of more than forty +years, the "dear Elizabeth" would find her grave near by the old +parsonage in which that wedding was to be celebrated, while the dust of +the lovely daughter of Dorset would be sleeping on the distant shores of +the Bosphorus! + + +[1] For many years after the publication of his Memoir, it was so often +given to children at their baptism that at one time those who bore it, +in and out of New England, were to be numbered by hundreds, if not +thousands. "I once saw the deaths of _three_ little Edward Paysons in +one paper," wrote Mrs. Prentiss in 1832. + +[2] He was the author of a curious work entitled, "Proofs of the real +Existence, and dangerous Tendency, of Illuminism." Charlestown, 1802. By +"Illuminism" he means an organised attempt, or conspiracy, to undermine +the foundations of Christian society and establish upon its ruins the +system of atheism. + +[3] "I spent part of last evening reading over some old letters of my +grandmother's and never realised before what a remarkable woman she was +both as to piety and talent."--_From a letter of Mrs. Prentiss, written +in 1864._ + +[4] In a letter to his mother,--written when Elizabeth was three years +old, he says: "E. has a terrible abscess, which we feared would prove +too much for her slender constitution. We were almost worn out with +watching; and, just as she began to mend, I was seized with a violent +ague in my face, which gave me incessant anguish for six days and nights +together, and deprived me almost entirely of sleep. Three nights I did +not close my eyes. When well nigh distracted with pain and loss of +sleep, Satan was let loose upon me, to buffet me, and I verily thought +would have driven me to desperation and madness." + +[5] The late President Wayland. + +[6] Prof. Calvin E. Stowe, D.D. + +[7] The late Rev. Absalom Peters, D.D. + +[8] + + I can see the breezy dome of groves, + The shadows of Deering's Woods; + And the friendships old and the early loves + Come back with a Sabbath sound, as of doves + In quiet neighborhoods. + And the verse of that sweet old song, + It flutters and murmurs still: + "A boy's will is the wind's will, + And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts." + --LONGFELLOW'S _My Lost Youth._ + +[9] "The Lament of the Last Peach" had been written by her a year +before when in Brooklyn, and her friend's brother had sent it to "The +Knickerbocker," the popular Magazine of that day. Here it is: + + LAMENT OF THE LAST PEACH. + + In solemn silence here I live, + A lone, deserted peach; + So high that none but birds and winds + My quiet bough can reach. + And mournfully, and hopelessly, + I think upon the past; + Upon my dear departed friends, + And I, the last--the last. + + My friends! oh, daily one by one + I've seen them drop away; + Unheeding all the tears and prayers + That vainly bade them stay. + And here I hang alone, alone-- + While life is fleeing fast; + And sadly sigh that I am left + The last, the last, the last. + + Farewell, then, thou my little world + My home upon the tree, + A sweet retreat, a quiet home + Thou mayst no longer be; + The willow trees stand weeping nigh, + The sky is overcast, + The autumn winds moan sadly by, + And say, the last--the last! + +[10] "Dear Lizzy is in her little school. Her pupils love her dearly. +She will have about thirty in the summer."--_Letter of Mrs. Payson, +March 28, 1839_. + +[11] Three years later Elizabeth thus referred to this period in the +life of her friend:--"During the time in which she was seeking the +Saviour with all her heart, I was much with her and had an opportunity +to see every variety of feeling as she daily set the whole before +me. The affection thus acquired is, I believe, never lost. If I live +forever, I shall not lose the impressions which I then received--the +deep anxiety I felt lest she should finally come short of salvation, and +then the happiness of having her lost in contemplation of the character +of Him whom she had so often declared it impossible to love." + +[12] Old friends of her father also became much interested in her. Among +them was Simon Greenleaf, the eminent writer on the law of evidence, and +Judge Story's successor at Harvard. On removing to Cambridge, in 1833, +he gave her with his autograph a little volume entitled, "Hours for +Heaven; a small but choice selection of prayers, from eminent Divines of +the Church of England," which long continued to be one of her books of +devotion. + +[13] See the touching memorial of her, "Light on the Dark River," +prepared by her early friend, Mrs. Lawrence. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST. + +1840-1841. + +I. + +A Memorable Experience. Letters to her Cousin. Goes to Richmond as a +Teacher. Mr. Persico's School. Letters. + + +Miss Payson was now in her twenty-first year, a period which she always +looked back to as a turning-point in her spiritual history. The domestic +influences that encompassed her childhood, her early associations, and +the books of devotion which she read, all conspired to imbue her with an +earnest sense of divine things, and while yet a young girl, as we +have seen, she publicly devoted herself to the service of her God and +Saviour. For several years her piety, if marked by no special features, +was still regarded by her young friends, and by all who knew her, as of +a decided character. But during the general religious interest in the +winter of 1837-8, even while absorbed in solicitude for others, she +began herself to question its reality. "For some months I had no hope +that I was a Christian, and _pride_ made me go on just as if I felt +myself perfectly safe. Nothing could at that time have made me willing +to have any eye a witness to my daily struggles." And yet she "often +longed for the sympathy and assistance of Christian friends," and to her +unwillingness to confide in them she afterwards attributed much of the +suffering that followed. "I do not know exactly how I passed out of that +season, but my school commenced in April, and I became so interested in +it that I had less time to think of and to watch myself. The next winter +most of my scholars were deeply impressed by divine things, and, of +course, I could not look on without having my own heart touched. It was +my privilege to spend many delightful weeks in watching the progress +of minds earnestly seeking the way of life and early consecrating +themselves to their Saviour." [1] But after a while a severe reaction +set in and in the course of the summer she became careless in her +religious habits, shrank from the Lord's table as a "place of absolute +torture," and while spending a fortnight in Boston in the fall, entirely +omitted all exercises of private devotion. + +She had now reached a crisis which was to decide her course for life. +During the winter of 1839-40, she passed through very deep and harrowing +exercises of soul. Her spiritual nature was shaken to its foundation, +and she could say with the Psalmist, _Out of the depths have I cried +unto Thee, O Lord._ For several months she was in a state similar +to that which the old divines depict so vividly as being "under +conviction." Her sense of sin, and of her own unworthiness in the +sight of God, grew more and more intense and oppressive. At times she +abandoned all hope, accused herself of having played the hypocrite, and +fancied she was given over to hardness of heart. At length she sought +counsel of her pastor and confided to him her trouble, but he "did not +know exactly what to do with me." In the midst of her distress, and as +its effect, no doubt, she was taken ill and confined to her room, where +in solitude she passed several weeks seeking rest and finding none. +"Sometimes I tried to pray, but this only increased my distress and +made me cry out for annihilation to free me from the agony which seemed +insupportable." With a single interval of comparative indifference, this +state of mind continued for nearly four months. She thus describes it: + +It was in vain that I sought the Lord in any of the lofty pathways +through which my heart wished to go. At last I found it impossible to +carry on the struggle any longer alone. I would gladly have put myself +at the feet of a little child, if by so doing I could have found peace. +I felt so guilty and the character of God appeared so perfect in its +purity and holiness, that I knew not which way to turn. The sin which +distressed me most of all was the rejection of the Saviour. This haunted +me constantly and made me fly first to one thing and then another, in +the hope of finding somewhere the peace which I would not accept from +Him. It was at this time that I kept reading over the first twelve +chapters of Doddridge's "Rise and Progress,"--the rest of the book I +abhorred. So great was my agony that I can only wonder at the goodness +of Him who held my life in His hands, and would not permit me in the +height of my despair to throw myself away. + +It was in this height of despair that thoughts of the infinite grace +and love of Christ, which she says she had hitherto repelled, began to +irradiate her soul. A sermon on His ability to save "unto the uttermost" +deeply affected her. [2] "While listening to it my weary spirit _rested_ +itself, and I thought, 'surely it can not be wrong to think of the +Saviour, although He is not mine.' With this conclusion I gave myself up +to admire, to love and to praise Him, to wonder why I had never done +so before, and to hope that all the great congregation around me were +joining with me in acknowledging Him to be chief among ten thousand and +the One altogether lovely." On going home she could at first scarcely +believe in her own identity, the feeling of peace and love to God and +to all the world was so unlike the turbulent emotions that had long +agitated her soul. "From this time my mind went slowly onward, examining +the way step by step, trembling and afraid, yet filled with a calm +contentment which made all the dealings of God with me appear just +right. I know myself to be perfectly helpless. I can not promise to do +or to be anything; but I do want to put everything else aside, and to +devote myself entirely to the service of Christ." + +Her account of this memorable experience is dated August 28, 1840. +"While writing it," she adds, "I have often laid aside my pen, to sit +and think over in silent wonder the way in which the Lord has led me." + +How in later years she regarded certain features of this experience, is +not fully known. The record passed at once out of her hands, and until +after her death was never seen by anyone, excepting the friend for whose +eye it was written. Many of its details had, probably, faded entirely +from her memory. It can not be doubted, however, that she would have +judged her previous state much less severely, would hardly have charged +it with hypocrisy, or denied that the Saviour had been graciously +leading her, and that she had some real love to Him, before as well as +after this crisis. So much may be inferred from the record itself and +from the narrative in the preceding chapter. Her tender interest in the +spiritual welfare of her friends and pupils, the high tone of religious +sentiment that marks her early writings, the books she delighted in, her +filial devotion, the absolute sincerity of her character, all forbid +any other conclusion. [3] The indications, too, are very plain that her +morbidly-sensitive, melancholy temperament had much to do with this +experience. Her account of it shows, also, that her mind was unhappily +affected by certain false notions of the Christian life and ordinances +then, and still, more or less prevalent--notions based upon a too narrow +and legal conception of the Gospel. Hence, her shrinking from the Lord's +table as a place of "torture," instead of regarding it in its true +character, as instituted on purpose to feed hungry souls, like her own, +with bread from heaven. But for all that, the experience was a blessed +reality and, as these pages will attest, wrought a lasting change in her +religious life. No doubt the Spirit of God was leading her through all +its dark and terrible mazes. It virtually ended a conflict which the +intensely proud elements of her nature rendered inevitable, if she was +to become a true heroine of faith--the conflict between her Master's +will and her own. Her Master conquered, and henceforth to her dying hour +His will was the sovereign law of her existence, and its sweetest joy +also. + +The following extracts from letters to her cousin, George E. Shipman, +of New York, now widely known as the founder of a Foundling Home at +Chicago, will throw additional light upon her state of mind at this +period. Mr. Shipman was the friend to whom the account of her experience +already mentioned was addressed. He had just spent several weeks in +Portland, and to his Christian sympathy, kindness, and counsels while +there and during the two following years, she felt herself very deeply +indebted. [4] + +PORTLAND, _August 22, 1840._ + +I am always wondering if any body in the world is the better off for my +being in it. And so if I was of any comfort to you, I am very glad of +it. I do want, I confess, the privilege of offering you sometimes the +wine and oil of consolation, and if I do it in such a way as to cause +pain with my unskilful hand, why, you must forgive me.... Mr. ---- +talked to me as if he imagined me a blue-stocking. Just because my +sister wears spectacles, folks take it for granted that I also am +literary. + +_Aug. 25th._--You ask if I find it easy to engage in religious +meditation, referring in particular to that on our final rest. This is +another of my trials. I can not meditate upon anything, except indeed it +be something quite the opposite of what I wish to occupy my mind. You +know that some Christians are able in their solitary walks and rides +to hold, all the time, communion with God. I can very seldom do this. +Yesterday I was obliged to take a long walk alone, and it was made very +delightful in this way; so that I quite forgot that I was alone.... I am +beginning to feel, that I have enough to do without looking out for a +great, wide place in which to work, and to appreciate the simple lines: + + "The trivial round, the common task, + Would furnish all we ought to ask; + Room to deny ourselves; a road + To bring us daily nearer God." + +Those words "daily nearer God" have an inexpressible charm for me. I +long for such nearness to Him that all other objects shall fade into +comparative insignificance,--so that to have a thought, a wish, a +pleasure apart from Him shall be impossible. + +_Sept. 12th._--At Sabbath-school this morning, while talking with my +scholars about the Lord Jesus, my heart, which is often so cold and so +stupid, seemed completely melted within me, with such a view of His +wonderful, wonderful love for sinners, that I almost believed I had +never felt it till then. Such a blessing is worth toiling and wrestling +for a whole life. If a glimpse of our Saviour here upon earth can be so +refreshing, so delightful, what will it be in heaven! + +_Sept. 17th._--I have been reading to-day some passages from Nevins' +"Practical Thoughts." [5] Perhaps you have seen them; if so, do you +remember two articles headed, "I must pray more," and "I must pray +differently"? They interested me much because in some measure they +express my own feelings. I have less and less confidence in _frames_, as +they are called. I am glad that you think it better to have a few books +and to read them over and over, for my own inclination leads me to that. +One gets attached to them as to Christian friends. Do not hesitate to +direct me over and over again, to go with difficulties and temptations +and sin to the Saviour. I love to be led there and _left_ there. +Sometimes when the exceeding "sinfulness of sin" becomes painfully +apparent, there is nothing else for the soul to do but to lie in the +dust before God, without a word of excuse, and that feeling of abasement +in His sight is worth more than all the pleasures in the world.... You +will believe me if I own myself tired, when I tell you that I made +fourteen calls this afternoon. But even the unpleasant business of +call-making has had one comfort. Some of the friends of whom I took +leave, spoke so tenderly of Him whose name is so precious to His +children that my heart warmed towards them instantly, and I thought it +worth while to have parting hours, sad though they may be, if with them +came so naturally thoughts of the Saviour. Besides, I have been thinking +since I came home, that if I did not love Him, it could not be so +refreshing to hear unexpectedly of Him.... I did not know that mother +had anything to do with your father's conversion, and when I mentioned +it to her she seemed much surprised and said she did not know it +herself. Pray tell me more of it, will you? I have felt that if, in the +course of my life, I should be the means of leading one soul to the +Saviour, it would be worth staying in this world for no matter how many +years. + +Did you ever read Miss Taylor's "Display"? Sister says the character of +Emily there is like mine. I think so myself save in the best point. + +We come now to an important change in her outward life. She had accepted +an invitation to become a teacher in Mr. Persico's school at Richmond, +Virginia. Mr. Persico was an Italian, a brother of the sculptor of that +name, a number of whose works are seen at Washington. He early became +interested in our institutions, and as soon as he was able, came to this +country and settled in Philadelphia as an artist. He married a lady of +that city, and afterward on account of her health went to Richmond, +where he opened a boarding and day school for girls. There were four +separate departments, one of which was under the sole care of Miss +Payson. Her letters to her family, written at this time, have all been +lost, but a full record of the larger portion of her Richmond life is +preserved in letters to her cousin, Mr. Shipman. The following extracts +from these letters show with what zeal she devoted herself to her new +calling and how absorbed her heart was still in the things of God. They +also throw light upon some marked features of her character. + +BOSTON, _September 23._ + +I had, after leaving home, an attack of that terrible pain, of which I +have told you, and believed myself very near death. It became a serious +question whether, if God should so please, I could feel willing to die +there alone, for I was among entire strangers. I never enjoyed more of +His presence than that night when, sick and sad and full of pain, I felt +it sweet to put myself in His hands to be disposed of in His own way. + +The attack referred to in this letter resembled _angina pectoris_, a +disease to which for many years she was led to consider herself liable. +Whatever it may have been, its effect was excruciating. "Mother was +telling me the other day," she wrote to a friend, "that in her long life +she had never seen an individual suffer more severe bodily pain than she +had often tried to relieve in me. I remember scores of such hours of +real agony." In the present instance the attack was doubtless brought +on, in part at least, by mental agitation. "No words," she wrote a few +months later, "can describe the anguish of my mind the night I left +home; it seemed to me that all the agony I had ever passed through was +condensed into a small space, and I certainly believe that I should die, +if left to a higher degree of such pain." + +RICHMOND, _September 30, 1840._ + +About twelve o'clock, when it was as dark as pitch, we were all ordered +to prepare for a short walk. In single file then out we went. It seems +that a bridge had been burned lately, and so we were all to go round on +foot to another train of cars. There were dozens of bright, crackling +bonfires lighted at short intervals all along, and as we wound down +narrow, steep and rocky pathways, then up steps which had been rudely +cut out in the side of the elevated ground, and as far as we could see +before us could watch the long line of moving figures in all varieties +of form and color, my spirits rose to the very tiptop of enjoyment. I +wished you could have a picture of the whole scene, which, though one of +real life, was to me at least exceedingly beautiful. We reached +Richmond at one o'clock. Mr. Persico was waiting for us and received +us cordially.... When I awoke at eight o'clock, I felt forlorn enough. +Imagine, if you can, the room in which I opened my eyes. It is in the +attic, is very low and has two windows. My first thought was, "I never +can be happy in this miserable hole;" but in a second this wicked +feeling took flight, and I reproached myself for my ingratitude to Him +who had preserved me through all my journey, had made much of it so +delightful and profitable, and who still promised to be with me. + +_Oct. 2._--I will try to give you some account of our doings, although +we are not fully settled. We have risen at six so far, but intend to be +up by five if we can wake. As soon as we are dressed I take my Bible out +into the entry, where is a window and a quiet corner, and read and think +until Louisa [6] is ready to give me our room and take my place. At nine +we go into school, where Miss Lord [7] reads a prayer, and from that +hour until twelve we are engaged with our respective classes. At twelve +we have a recess of thirty minutes. This over, we return again to +school, where we stay until three, when we are to dine. All day Saturday +we are free. This time we are to have Monday, too, as a special +holiday, because of a great Whig convention which is turning the city +upside-down. There is one pleasant thing, pleasant to me at least, of +which I want to tell you. As Mr. Persico is not a religious man, I +supposed we should have no blessing at the table, and was afraid I +should get into the habit of failing to acknowledge God there. But I +was much affected when, on going to dine the first day I came, he stood +leaning silently and reverentially over his chair, as if to allow all of +us time for that quiet lifting up of the heart which is ever acceptable +in the sight of God. It is very impressive. Miss Lord reads prayers at +night, and when Mrs. Persico comes home we are to have singing.... + +That passage in the 119th Psalm, of which you speak, is indeed +delightful. I will tell you what were some of my meditations on it. I +thought to myself that if God continued His faithfulness toward me, I +shall have afflictions such as I now know nothing more of than the name, +for I need them constantly. I have trembled ever since I came here at +the host of new difficulties to which I am exposed. Surely I did again +and again ask God to decide the question for me as to whether I should +leave home or not, and believed that He _had_ chosen for me. It +certainly was against my own inclinations.... + +_Oct. 12th._--This morning I had a new scholar, a pale, thin little girl +who stammers, and when I spoke to her, and she was obliged to answer, +the color spread over her face and neck as if she suffered the utmost +mortification. I was glad when recess came, to draw her close to my side +and to tell her that I had a friend afflicted in the same way, and that +consequently, I should know how to understand and pity her. She held my +hand fast in hers and the tears came stealing down one after another, +as she leaned confidingly upon my shoulder, and I could not help crying +too, with mingled feelings of gratitude and sorrow. Certainly it will be +delightful to soothe and to console this poor little thing.... You do +not like poetry and I have spent the best part of my life in reading +or trying to write it. N. P. Willis told me some years ago, that if my +husband had a soul, he would love me for the poetical in me, and advised +me to save it for him. + +_Oct. 27th._--Sometimes when I feel almost sure that the Saviour has +accepted and forgiven me and that I _belong to Him_, I can only walk my +room repeating over and over again, _How wonderful_! And then when my +mind strives to take in this love of Christ, it seems to struggle in +vain with its own littleness and falls back weary and exhausted, +to _wonder_ again at the heights and depths which surpass its +comprehension.... If there is a spark of love in my heart for anybody, +it is for this dear brother of mine, and the desire to have his +education thorough and complete has grown with my growth. You, who are +not a sister, can not understand the feelings with which I regard him, +but they are such as to call forth unbounded love and gratitude toward +those who show kindness to him. + +_Nov. 3d._--I have always felt a peculiar love for the passage that +describes the walk to Emmaus. I have tried to analyse the feeling of +pleasure which it invariably sheds over my heart when dwelling upon it, +especially upon the words, "Jesus Himself drew near and went with them," +and these, "He made as though He would go further," but yielded to +their urgent, "Abide with us." ... This is one of the comforts of the +Christian; God understands him fully whether he can explain his troubles +or not. Sometimes I think all of a sudden that I do not love the Saviour +at all, and am ready to believe that all my pretended anxiety to serve +Him has been but a matter of feeling and not of principle; but of late +I have been less disturbed by this imagination, as I find it extends +to earthly friends who are dear to me as my own soul. I thought once +yesterday that I didn't love anybody in the world and was perfectly +wretched in consequence. + +_Nov. 12th._--The more I try to understand myself, the more I am +puzzled. That I am a mixture of contradictions is the opinion I have +long had of myself. I call it a compound of sincerity and reserve. +Unless you see just what I mean in your own consciousness, I doubt +whether I can explain it in words. With me it is both an open and a shut +heart--open when and where and as far as I please, and shut as tight as +a vise in the same way. I was probably born with this same mixture of +frankness and reserve, having inherited the one from my mother and the +other from my father.... I have often thought that, humanly speaking, it +would be a strange, and surely a very sad thing if we none of us inherit +any of our father's piety; for when he prayed for his children it was, +undoubtedly, that we might be very peculiarly the Lord's. H. was to +be the missionary; but if he can not go himself, and is prospered in +business, I hope he will be able to help send others. I have been +frightened, of late, in thinking how little good I am doing in the +world. And yet I believe that those who love to do good always find +opportunities enough, wherever they are. Whether I shall do any here, I +dare not try to guess. + +_Dec. 3d._--How I thank you for the interest you take in my Bible class. +They are so attentive to every word I say that it makes me deeply feel +the importance of seeking each of those words from the Holy Spirit. Many +of them had not even a Bible of their own until now, nor were they +in the habit of reading it at all. Among others there are two +grand-daughters of Patrick Henry. I wish I could give you a picture of +them, as they sit on Sabbath evening around the table with their eyes +fixed so eagerly on my face, that if I did not feel that the Lord +Jesus was present, I should be overwhelmed with confusion at my +unworthiness.... Mr. Persico is a queer man. Last Sabbath Miss L. asked +him if he had been to church. "Oui, Mlle.," said he; "_vous_ etiez a +l'eglise de l'homme--_moi_, j'etais a l'eglise de Dieu--dans les bois." +There is the bell for prayers; it is an hour since I began to write, but +I have spent a great part of it with my eyes shut because I happened +to feel more like meditating than writing, if you know what sort of +a feeling that is. Oh, that we might be enabled to go onward day by +day--and _upward too_. + +I have been making violent efforts for years to become meek and lowly in +heart. At present I do hope that I am less irritable than I used to be. +It was no small comfort to me when sister was home last summer, to learn +from her that I had succeeded somewhat in my efforts. But though I have +not often the last year been guilty of "harsh speeches," I have felt +my pride tugging with all its might to kindle a great fire when some +unexpected trial has caught me off my guard. I am persuaded that real +meekness dwells deep within the heart and that it is only to be gained +by communion with our blessed Saviour, who when He was reviled, reviled +not again. + +_Sabbath Evening, 8th._--I wanted to write last evening but had a worse +pain in my side and left arm than I have had since I came here. While it +lasted, which was an hour and a half, I had such pleasant thoughts for +companions as would make any pain endurable. I was asking myself if, +supposing God should please suddenly to take me away in the midst of +life, whether I should feel willing and glad to go, and oh, it did seem +_delightful_ to think of it, and to feel sure that, sooner or later, the +summons will come. Those pieces which you marked in the "Observer" I +have read and like them exceedingly, especially those about growth in +grace.... You speak of the goodness of God to me in granting me so much +of His presence, while I am here away from all earthly friends. Indeed I +want to be able to praise Him as I never yet have done, and I don't know +where to begin. I have felt more pain in this separation from home on +mother's account than any other, as I feel that she needs me at home to +comfort and to love her. Since she lost her best earthly friend I have +been her constant companion. I once had a secret desire for a missionary +life, if God should see fit to prepare me for it, but when I spoke of +it to mother she was so utterly overcome at its bare mention that I +instantly promised I would _never_ for any inducement leave or forsake +her. I want you to pray for me that if poor mother's right hand is made +forever useless, [8] I may after this year be a right hand for her, and +be enabled to make up somewhat to her for the loss of it by affection +and tenderness and sympathy.... I don't remember feeling any way in +particular, when I first began to "write for the press," as you call it. +I never could realise that more than half a dozen people would read my +pieces. Besides, I have no desire of the sort you express, for fame. +I care a great deal too much for the approbation of those I love and +respect, but not a fig for that of those I don't like or don't know. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Her Character as a Teacher. Letters. Incidents of School-Life. Religious +Struggles, Aims, and Hopes. Oppressive Heat and Weariness. + + +Miss Payson had been in Richmond but a short time before she became +greatly endeared to Mr. and Mrs. Persico, and to the whole school. She +had a rare natural gift for teaching. Fond of study herself, she +knew how to inspire her pupils with the same feeling. Her method was +excellent. It aimed not merely to impart knowledge but to elicit latent +powers, and to remove difficulties out of the way. While decided and +thorough, it was also very gentle, helpful, and sympathetic. She had a +quick perception of mental diversities, saw as by intuition the weak and +the strong points of individual character, and was skillful in adapting +her influence, as well as her instructions, to the peculiarities of +every one under her care. The girls in her own special department almost +idolised her. The parents also of some of them, who belonged to Richmond +and its vicinity, seeing what she was doing for their daughters, sought +her acquaintance and showed her the most grateful affection. + +Although her school labors were exacting, she carried on a large +correspondence, spent a good deal of time in her favorite religious +reading, and together with Miss Susan Lord, the senior teacher and an +old Portland friend, pursued a course of study in French and Italian. At +the table Mr. Persico spoke French, and in this way she was enabled +to perfect herself in the practice of that language. Of her spiritual +history and of incidents of her school life during the new year, some +extracts from letters to her cousin will give her own account. + +RICHMOND, _January 3, 1841._ + +If I tell you that I am going to take under my especial care and +protection one of the family--a little girl of eleven years whom nobody +can manage at all, you may wonder why. I found on my plate at dinner a +note from Mrs. Persico saying that if I wanted an opportunity of doing +good, here was one; that if Nannie could sleep in my room, etc., it +might be of great benefit to her. The only reason why I hesitated was +the fear that she might be in the way of our best hours. But I have +thought all along that I was living too much at my ease, and wanted a +place in which to deny myself for the sake of the One who yielded up +every comfort for my sake. Nannie has a fine character but has been +mismanaged at home, and since coming here. She often comes and puts her +arms around me and says, "There is _one_ in this house who loves me, I +do _know_." I receive her as a trust from God, with earnest prayer to +Him that we may be enabled to be of use to her. From morning to night +she is found fault with, and this is spoiling her temper and teaching +her to be deceitful.... I have been reading lately the Memoir of Martyn. +I have, of course, read it more than once before, but everything appears +to me now in such a different light. I rejoice that I have been led to +read the book just now. It has put within me new and peculiar desires to +live wholly for the glory of God. + +_Jan.13th._--I understand the feeling about wishing one's self a dog, +or an animal without a soul. I have sat and watched a little kitten +frisking about in the sunshine till I could hardly help killing it in my +envy--but oh, how different it is now! I have felt lately that perhaps +God has something for me to do in the world. I am satisfied, indeed, +that in calling me nearer to Himself He has intended to prepare me for +His service. Where that is to be is no concern of mine as yet. I only +wish to belong to Him and wait for His will, whatever it may be. + +_Jan. 14th_.--I used to go through with prayer merely as a duty, but now +I look forward to the regular time for it, and hail opportunities for +special seasons with such delight as I once knew nothing of. Sometimes +my heart feels ready to break for the longing it hath for a nearer +approach to the Lord Jesus than I can obtain without the use of words, +and there is not a corner of the house which I can have to myself. I +think sometimes that I should be thankful for the meanest place in the +universe. You ask if I ever dream of seeing the Lord. No--I never did, +neither should I think it desirable; but a few days ago, when I woke, +I had fresh in my remembrance some precious words which, as I had been +dreaming, He had spoken to me. It left an indescribable feeling of love +and peace on my mind. I seemed in my dream to be very near Him, and that +He was encouraging me to ask of Him all the things of which I felt the +need. + +_Jan. 17th_.--I did not mean to write so much about myself, for when I +took out my letter I was thinking of things and beings far above this +world. I was thinking of the hour when the Christian first enters into +the joy of his Lord, when the first note of the "new song" is borne to +his ear, and the first view of the Lamb of God is granted to his eye. It +seems to me as if the bliss of that one minute would fully compensate +for all the toils and struggles he must go through here; and then to +remember the ages of happiness that begin at that point! Oh, if the +unseen presence of Jesus can make the heart to sing for joy in the midst +of its sorrow and sin here, what will it be to dwell with Him forever! + +My Bible class, which consists now of eighteen, is every week more +dear to me. I am glad that you think poor Nannie well off. She has +an inquiring mind, and though before coming here she had received no +religious instruction and had not even a Bible, she is now constantly +asking me questions which prove her to be a first-rate thinker and +reasoner. She went to the theatre last night and came home quite +disgusted, saying to herself, "I shouldn't like to die in the midst of +such gayeties as these." She urged me to tell her if I thought it wrong +for her to go, but I would not, because I did not want her to stay away +for my sake. I want her to settle the question fairly in her own mind +and to be guided by her own conscience rather than mine. She is so +grateful and happy that, if the sacrifice had been greater, we should be +glad that we had made it. And then if we can do her any good, how much +reason we shall have to thank God for having placed her here! + +_Feb. 11th._--My thoughts of serious things should, perhaps, be called +prayers, rather than anything else. I have constant need of looking up +to God for help, so utterly weak and ignorant am I and so dependent upon +Him. Sometimes in my walks, especially those of the early morning, I +take a verse from the "Daily Food" to think upon; at others, if my mind +is where I want it should be, everything seems to speak and suggest +thoughts of my Heavenly Father, and when it is otherwise I feel as +if that time had been wasted. This is not "keeping the mind on the +stretch," and is delightfully refreshing. All I wish is that I were +always thus favored. As to a hasty temper, I know that anybody who ever +lived with me, until within the last two or three years, could tell +you of many instances of outbreaking passion. I am ashamed to say how +recently the last real tempest occurred, but I will not spare myself. It +was in the spring of 1838, and I did not eat anything for so long that I +was ill in bed and barely escaped a fever. Mother nursed me so tenderly +that, though she forgave me, I _never_ shall forgive myself. Since then +I should not wish you to suppose that I have been perfectly amiable, but +for the last year I think I have been enabled in a measure to control my +temper, but of that you know more than I do, as you had a fair specimen +of what I am when with us last summer. It has often been a source of +encouragement to me that everybody said I was gentle and amiable till +my father's death, when I was nine years old.... While reading to-night +that chapter in Mark, where it speaks of Jesus as walking on the sea, +I was interested in thinking how frequently such scenes occur in our +spiritual passage over the sea which is finally to land us on the shores +of the home for which we long. "While they were toiling in rowing," +Jesus went to them upon the water and "would have passed by" till He +heard their cries, and then He manifested Himself unto them saying, _"It +is I."_ And when He came to them, the wind ceased and they "wondered." +Surely we have often found in our toiling that Jesus was passing by +and ready at the first trembling fear to speak the word of love and +of consolation and to give us the needed help, and then to leave +us _wondering_ indeed at the infinite tenderness and kindness so +unexpectedly vouchsafed for our relief. + +_Feb. 13th_--I do not think we should make our enjoyment of religion the +greatest end of our struggle against sin. I never once had such an idea. +I think we should fight against sin simply because it is something +hateful to God, because it is something so utterly unlike the spirit of +Christ, whom it is our privilege to strive to imitate in all things. On +all points connected with the love I wish to give my Saviour, and the +service I am to render Him, I feel that I want teaching and am glad to +obtain assistance from any source. I hardly know how to answer your +question. I do not have that constant sense of the Saviour's presence +which I had here for a long time, neither do I feel that I love Him as +I thought I did, but it is not always best to judge of ourselves by our +feelings, but by the general principle and guiding desire of the mind. I +do think that my prevailing aim is to do the will of God and to glorify +Him in everything. Of this I have thought a great deal of late. I have +not a very extensive sphere of action, but I want my conduct, my every +word and look and motion, to be fully under the influence of this desire +for the honor of God. You can have no idea of the constant observation +to which I am exposed here. + +_Feb. 21st._--I spent three hours this afternoon in taking care of a +little black child (belonging to the house), who is very ill, and as +I am not much used to such things, it excited and worried me into a +violent nervous headache. I finished Brainerd's Life this afternoon, +amid many doubts as to whether I ever loved the Lord at all, so +different is my piety from that of this blessed and holy man. The book +has been a favorite with me for years, but I never felt the influence of +his life as I have while reading it of late. + +She alludes repeatedly in her correspondence to the delight which she +found on the Sabbath in listening to that eminent preacher and divine, +the Rev. Dr. Wm. S. Plumer, who was then settled in Richmond. In a +letter to her cousin she writes: + +I have become much attached to him; he seems more than half in heaven, +and every word is full of solemnity and feeling, as if he had just held +near intercourse with God. I wish that you could have listened with me +to his sermons to-day. They have been, I think, blessed messages from +God to my soul. + +All her letters at this time glow with religious fervor. "How wonderful +is our divine Master!" she seemed to be always saying to herself. "It +has become so delightful to me to speak of His love, of His holiness, of +His purity, that when I try to write to those who know Him not, I hardly +know what is worthy of even a mention, if He is to be forgotten." And +several years afterwards she refers to this period as a time when she +"shrank from everything that in the slightest degree interrupted her +consciousness of God." + +The following letter to a friend, whose name will often recur in these +pages, well illustrates her state of mind during the entire winter. + +_To Miss Anna S. Prentiss. Richmond, Feb 26, 1841._ + +Your very welcome letter, my dear Anna, arrived this afternoon, and, as +my labors for the week are over, I am glad of a quiet hour in which to +thank you for it. I do not thank you simply because you have so soon +answered my letter, but because you have told me what no one else could +do so well about your own very dear self. When I wrote you I doubted +very much whether I might even allude to the subject of religion, +although I wished to do so, since that almost exclusively has occupied +my mind during the last year. I saw you in the midst of temptations to +which I have ever been a stranger, but which I conceived to be decidedly +unfavorable to growth in any of the graces which make up Christian +character. It was not without hesitation that I ventured to yield to the +promptings of my heart, and to refer to the only things which have at +present much interest for it. I can not tell you how I do rejoice +that you have been led to come out thus upon the Lord's side, and to +consecrate yourself to His service. My own views and feelings have +within the last year undergone such an entire change, that I have wished +I could take now some such stand in the presence of all who have known +me in days past, as this which you have taken. My first and only wish is +henceforth to live but for Him, who has graciously drawn my wandering +affections to Himself.... You speak of the faintness of your heart--but +"they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength," and I do +believe the truth of these precious words; not only because they are +those of God, but also because my own experience adds happy witness to +them. I have lived many years with only just enough of hope to keep me +from actual despair. The least breath was sufficient to scatter it all +and to leave me, fearful and afraid, to go over and over again the same +ground; thus allowing neither time nor strength for progress in the +Christian course. I trust that you will not go through years of such +unnecessary darkness and despondency. There is certainly enough in our +Saviour, if we only open our eyes that we may see it, to solve every +doubt and satisfy every longing of the heart; and He is willing to give +it in full measure. When I contemplate the character of the Lord Jesus, +I am filled with wonder which I can not express, and with unutterable +desires to yield myself and my all to His hand, to be dealt with in +His own way; and His way is a blessed one, so that it is delightful to +resign body and soul and spirit to Him, without a will opposed to His, +without a care but to love Him more, without a sorrow which His love +can not sanctify or remove. In following after Him faithfully and +steadfastly, the feeblest hopes may be strengthened; and I trust that +you will find in your own happy experience that "joy and peace" go hand +in hand with love--so that in proportion to your devotion to the Saviour +will be the blessedness of your life. When I begin I hardly know where +to stop, and now I find myself almost at the end of my sheet before I +have begun to say what I wish. This will only assure you that I love you +a thousand times better than I did when I did not know that your heart +was filled with hopes and affections like my own, and that I earnestly +desire, if Providence permits us to enjoy intercourse in this or in any +other way, we may never lose sight of the one great truth that we are +_not our own._ I pray you sometimes remember me at the throne of grace. +The more I see of the Saviour, the more I feel my own weakness and +helplessness and my need of His constant presence, and I can not help +asking assistance from all those who love Him.... Oh, how sorry I am +that I have come to the end! I wish I had any faculty for expressing +affection, so that I might tell you how much I love and how often I +think of you. + +Her cousin having gone abroad, a break in the correspondence with him +occurred about this time and continued for several months. In a letter +to her friend, Miss Thurston, dated April 21st, she thus refers to her +school: + +There are six of us teachers, five of them born in Maine--which is +rather funny, as that is considered by most of the folks here as the +place where the world comes to an end. Although the South lifts up its +wings and crows over the North, it is glad enough to get its teachers +there, and ministers too, and treats them very well when it gets +them, into the bargain. We have in the school about one hundred and +twenty-five pupils of all ages. I never knew till I came here the +influence which early religious education exerts upon the whole future +age. There is such a wonderful difference between most of these young +people and those in the North, that you might almost believe them +another race of beings. Mrs. Persico is beautiful, intelligent, +interesting, and pious. Mr. Persico is just as much like John Neal as +difference of education and of circumstances can permit. Mr. N.'s strong +sense of justice, his enthusiasm, his fun and wit, his independence and +self-esteem, his tastes, too, as far as I know them, all exist in like +degree in Mr. Persico. + +The early spring, with its profusion of flowers of every hue, so far in +advance of the spring in her native State, gave her the utmost pleasure; +but as the summer approached, her health began to suffer. The heat was +very intense, and hot weather always affected her unhappily. "I feel," +she wrote, "as if I were in an oven with hot melted lead poured over my +brain." Her old trouble, too--"organic disease of the heart" it was now +suspected to be--caused her much discomfort. "While writing," she says +in one of her letters, "I am suffering excruciating pain; I can't call +it anything else." Her physical condition naturally affected more or +less her religious feelings. Under date of July 12th, she writes: + +The word _conflict_ expresses better than any other my general state +from day to day. I have seemed of late like a straw floating upon the +surface of a great ocean, blown hither and thither by every wind, and +tossed from wave to wave without the rest of a moment. It was a mistake +of mine to imagine that God ever intended man to rest in this world. I +see that it is right and wise in Him to appoint it otherwise.... While +suffering from my Saviour's absence, nothing interests me. But I was +somewhat encouraged by reading in my father's memoir, and in reflecting +that he passed through far greater spiritual conflicts than will +probably ever be mine.... I see now that it is not always best for us to +have the light of God's countenance. Do not spend your time and strength +in asking for me that blessing, but this--that I may be transformed into +the image of Christ in His own time, in His own way. + +Early in August she left Richmond and flew homeward like a bird to its +nest. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Extracts from her Richmond Journal. + + +Were her letters to her cousin the only record of Miss Payson's Richmond +life, one might infer that they give a complete picture of it; for they +were written in the freedom and confidence of Christian friendship, with +no thought that a third eye would ever see them. But it had another and +hidden side, of which her letters contain only a partial record. Her +early habit of keeping a journal has been already referred to. She kept +one at Richmond, and was prevented several years later from destroying +it, as she had destroyed others, by the entreaty of the only person who +ever saw it. This journal depicts many of her most secret thoughts and +feelings, both earthward and heavenward. Some passages in it are of +too personal a nature for publication, but the following extracts seem +fairly entitled to a place here, as they bring out several features +of her character with sunlike clearness, and so will help to a better +understanding of the ensuing narrative: + +RICHMOND, _October 3, 1840._ + +How funny it seems here! Everything is so different from home! I foresee +that I shan't live nearly a year under these new influences without +changing my old self into something else. Heaven forbid that I should +grow old because people treat me as if I were grown up! I hate old young +folks. Well! whoever should see me and my scholars would be at a loss to +know wherein consists the difference between them and me. I am only a +little girl after all, and yet folks do treat me as if I were as old and +as wise as Methusaleh. And Mr. Persico says, "Oui, Madame." Oh! oh! oh! +It makes me feel so ashamed when these tall girls, these damsels whose +hearts are developed as mine won't be these half dozen years (to say +nothing of their minds), ask me if they may go to bed, if they may walk, +if they may go to Mr. So-and-so's, and Miss Such-a-one's to buy--a stick +of candy for aught I know. Oh, oh, oh! I shall have to take airs upon +myself. I shall have to leave off little words and use big ones. I shall +have to leave off sitting curled up on my feet, turkey-fashion. I shall +have to make wise speeches (But a word in your ear, Miss--I _won't_). + +_Oct. 27th_--This Richmond is a queer sort of a place and I should be as +miserable in it as a fish out of water, only there is sunshine enough +in my heart to make any old hole bright. In the first place, this dowdy +chamber is in one view a perfect den--no carpet, whitewashed walls, +loose windows that have the shaking palsy, fire-red hearth, blue paint +instead of white, or rather a suspicion that there was once some blue +paint here. But what do I care? I'm as merry as a grig from morning till +night. The little witches down-stairs love me dearly, everybody is kind, +and--and--and--when everybody is locked out and I am locked into this +same room, this low attic, there's not a king on the earth so rich, so +happy as I! Here is my little pet desk, here are my books, my papers. +I can write and read and study and moralise, I don't pretend to say +_think_--and then besides, every morning and every night, within these +four walls, heaven itself refuses not to enter in and dwell--and I may +grow better and better and happier and happier in blessedness with which +nothing may intermeddle. + +Mr. Persico is a man by himself, and quite interesting to me in one +way, that is, in giving me something to puzzle out. I like him for his +exquisite taste in the picture line and for having adorned his rooms +with such fine ones--at least they're fine to my inexperienced eye; for +when I'm in the mood, I can go and sit and dream as it seemeth me good +over them, and as I dream, won't good thoughts come into my heart? As +to Mrs. P., I hereby return my thanks to Nature for making her so +beautiful. She has a face and figure to fall in love with. K. has also a +fine face and a delicate little figure. Miss ---- I shall avoid as far +as I can do so. I do not think her opinions and feelings would do me +any good. She has a fine mind and likes to cultivate it, and for that I +respect her, but she has nothing natural and girlish in her, and I am +persuaded, never had. She hates little children; says she hates to hear +them laugh, thinks them little fools. Why, how odd all this is to me! +I could as soon hate the angels in heaven and hate to hear them sing. +That, to be sure, is my way, and the other way is hers--but somehow it +doesn't seem good-hearted to be so very, very superior to children as to +shun the little loving beautiful creatures. I don't believe I ever shall +grow up! But, Miss ----, I don't want to do you injustice, and I'm much +obliged to you for all the flattering things you've said about me, and +if you like my eyes and think there is congeniality of feeling between +us, why, I thank you. But oh, don't teach me that the wisdom of the +world consisteth in forswearing the simple beauties with which life is +full. Don't make me fear my own happy girlhood by talking to me about +love--oh, don't! + +_Dec. 1._--I wonder if all the girls in the world are just alike? Seems +to me they might be so sweet and lovable if they'd leave off chattering +forever and ever about lovers.... If mothers would keep their little +unfledged birds under their own wings, wouldn't they make better mother- +birds? Now some girls down-stairs, who ought to be thinking about all +the beautiful things in life but just lovers, are reading novels, +love-stories and poetry, till they can't care for anything else.... Now, +Lizzy Payson, where's the use of fretting so? Go right to work reading +Leighton and you'll forget that all the world isn't as wise as you think +you are, you little vain thing, you! Alas and alas, but this is such a +nice world, and the girls don't know it! + +_Dec. 2._--What a pleasant walk I had this morning on Ambler's Hill. +The sun rose while I was there and I was so happy! The little valley, +clothed with white houses and completely encircled by hills, reminded me +of the verse about the mountains round about Jerusalem. Nobody was awake +so early and I had all the great hill to myself, and it was so beautiful +that I could have thrown myself down and kissed the earth itself. Oh, +sweet and good and loving Mother Nature! I choose you for my own. I will +be your little lady-love. I will hunt you out whenever you hide, and you +shall comfort me when I am sad, and laugh with me when I'm merry, and +take me by the hand and lead me onward and upward till the image of the +heavenly forceth out that of the earthly from my whole heart and soul. +Oh, how I prayed for a holy heart on that hillside and how sure I am +that I shall grow better! and what companionable thoughts I've had all +day for that blessed walk! + +_8th._--My life is a nice little life just now, as regular as clockwork. +We walk and we keep school, and our scholars kiss and love us, and we +kiss and love them, and we read Lamartine and I worship Leighton, good, +wise, holy Leighton, and we discourse about everything together and +dispute and argue and argue and dispute, and I'm quite happy, so I am! +As to Lamartine, he's no great things, as I know of, but I want to keep +up my knowledge of French and so we read twenty pages a day. And as to +our discourses, my fidgety, moralising sort of mind wants to compare its +doctrines with those of other people, though it's as stiff as a poker +in its own opinions. You're a very consistent little girl! you call +yourself a child, are afraid to open your mouth before folks, and yet +you're as obstinate and proud as a little man, daring to think for +yourself and act accordingly at the risk of being called odd and +incomprehensible. I don't care, though! Run on and break your neck if +you will. You're nothing especial after all. + +_9th._--To-night, in unrolling a bundle of work I found a little note +therein from mother. Whew, how I kissed it! I thought I should fly out +of my senses, I was so glad. But I can't fly now-a-days, I'm growing +so unetherial. Why, I take up a lot of room in the world and my frocks +won't hold me. That's because my heart is so quiet, lying as still as a +mouse, after all its tossings about and trying to be happy in the things +of this life. Oh, I am so happy now in the _other_ life! But as for +telling other people so--as for talking religion--I don't see how I +_can._ It doesn't come natural. Is it because I am proud? But I pray to +be so holy, so truly a Christian, that my _life_ shall speak and gently +persuade all who see me to look for the hidden spring of my perpetual +happiness and quietness. The only question is: Do I live so? I'm +afraid I make religion seem too grave a thing to my watching maidens +down-stairs; but, oh, I'm afraid to rush into _their_ pleasures. + +_25th._-- ... I've been "our Lizzy" all my life and have not had to +display my own private feelings and opinions before folks, but have sat +still and listened and mused and lived within myself, and shut myself up +in my corner of the house and speculated on life and the things thereof +till I've got a set of notions of my own which don't _fit into_ the +notions of anybody I know. I don't open myself to anybody on earth; I +can not; there is a world of something in me which is not known to those +about me and perhaps never will be; but sometimes I think it would be +_delicious_ to love a mind like mine in some things, only better, wiser, +nobler. I do not quite understand life. People don't live as they were +made to live, I'm sure ... I want _soul._ I want the gracious, glad +spirit that finds the good and the beautiful in everything, joined to +the manly, exalted intellect--rare unions, I am sure, yet possible ones. +Little girl! Do you suppose such a soul would find anything in yours to +satisfy it? No--no--no--I do not. I know I am a poor little goose which +ought to be content with some equally poor little gander, but I _won't._ +I'll never give up one inch of these the demands of my reason and of my +heart for all the truths you tell me about myself--never! But descend +from your elevation, oh speculating child of mortality, and go down to +school. Oh, no, no school for a week, and I guess I'll spend the week in +fancies and follies. It won't hurt me. I've done it before and got back +to the world as satisfied as ever, indeed I have. + +_Jan. 1, 184l._--We've been busy all the week getting our presents ready +for the servants, and a nice time I've had this morning, seeing them +show their ivory thereat. James made a little speech, the amount of +which was, he hoped I wouldn't get married till I'd "done been" here two +or three years, because my face was so pleasant it was good to look at +it! I was as proud as Lucifer at this compliment, and shall certainly +look pleasant all day to-day, if I never did before. Monsieur and the +rest wished me, I won't say how many, good wishes, rushing at me as I +went in to breakfast--and Milly privately informed Lucy that she liked +Miss Payson "a heap" better than she did any body else, and then came +and begged me to buy her! I buy her! Heaven bless the poor little girl. +I had some presents and affectionate notes from different members of the +family and from my scholars--also letters from sister and Ned, which +delighted me infinitely more than I'm going to tell _you_, old journal. +Took tea at Mr. P.'s and Mrs. P. laughed at her husband because he had +once an idea of going to New England to get my little ladyship to wife +(for the sake of my father, of course). Mr. P. blushed like a boy and +fidgeted terribly, but I didn't care a snap--I am not old enough to be +wife to anybody, and I'm not going to mind if people do joke with +me about it. I've had better things to think of on this New Year's +day--good, heavenward thoughts and prayers and hopes, and if I do not +become more and more transformed into the Divine, then are prayers and +hopes things of nought. Oh, how dissatisfied I am with myself. How I +long to be like unto Him into whose image I shall one day be changed +when I see Him as He is! + +I believe nobody understands me on religious points, for I can not, and, +it seems to me, _need_ not parade my private feelings before the world. +Cousin G., God bless him! knows enough, and yet my letters to him do not +tell the hundredth part of that which these four walls might tell, if +they would. I do not know that I am not wrong, but I do dislike +the present style of talking on religious subjects. Let people +pray--earnestly, fervently, not simply morning and night, but the _whole +day long_, making their lives one continued prayer; but, oh, don't let +them tell others of, or let others know _half_ how much of communion +with Heaven is known to their own hearts. Is it not true that those who +talk most, go most to meetings, run hither and thither to all sorts of +societies and all sorts of readings--is it not true that such +people would not find peace and contentment--yes, blessedness of +blessedness--in solitary hours when to the Searcher of hearts alone are +known their aspirations and their love? I do not know, I am puzzled; but +I may say here, where nobody will ever see it, what I _do_ think, and I +say it to my own heart as well as over the hearts of others--there is +not enough of real, true communion with God, not enough nearness to Him, +not enough heart-searching before Him; and too much parade and bustle +and noise in doing His work on earth. Oh, I do not know exactly what I +mean--but since I have heard so many apparently Christian people own +that of this sense of nearness to God they know absolutely nothing--that +they pray because it is their habit without the least expectation of +meeting the great yet loving Father in their closets--since I have heard +this I am troubled and perplexed. Why, is it not indeed true that the +Christian believer, God's own adopted, chosen, beloved child, may speak +face to face with his Father, humbly, reverently, yet as a man talketh +with his friend? Is it not true? Do not I _know_ that it is so? Oh, I +sometimes want the wisdom of an angel that I may not be thus disturbed +and wearied. + +_14th._--Now either Miss ----'s religion is wrong and mine right, or +else it's just the other way. I wrote some verses, funny ones, and sent +her to-day, and she returned for answer that verse in Proverbs about +vinegar on nitre, and seemed distressed that I ever had such worldly and +funny thoughts. I told her I should like her better if she ever had any +but solemn ones, whence we rushed into a discussion about proprieties +and I maintained that a mind was not in a state of religious health, if +it could not _safely_ indulge in thoughts funny as funny could be. She +shook her head and looked as glum as she could, and I'm really sorry +that I vexed her righteous soul, though I'm sure I feel funny ever so +much of the time, can not help saying funny things and cutting up capers +now and then. I'll take care not to marry a glum man, anyhow; not that +I want my future lord and master to be a teller of stories, a wit, or a +particularly funny man--but he shan't wear a long face and make me wear +a long one, though he may be as pious as the day is long and _must_ be, +what's more. Oh, my! I don't think I was so very naughty. I saw Miss +---- laughing privately at these same verses, and she rushed in to Mrs. +P. and read them to her, and then copied them for her aunt and paid +twenty-five cents postage on the letter. I should like to know how she +dared waste so much time in unholy employments! As I was saying, and am +always thinking, it's rather queer that people are so oddly different in +their ideas of religion. Heaven forbid I should trifle with serious and +holy thoughts of my head and heart--but if my religion is worth a straw, +such verse-writing will not disturb it. + +_January 16th_.--I wonder what's got into me to-day--I feel cross, +without the least bit of reason for so feeling. I guess I'm not well, +for I'm sure I've felt like one great long sunbeam, I don't know how +many months, and it doesn't come natural to be fretful. + +_17th_.--I knew I wasn't well yesterday and to-day am half sick. We got +through breakfast at twenty minutes to eleven, and as I was up at seven, +I got kind o' hungry and out of sorts. This afternoon went to church and +heard one of Dr. E.'s argumentative sermons. But there's something in +those Prayer-book prayers, certainly, if men won't or can't put any +grace into their sermons. I wish I had a perfect ideal Sunday in my head +or heart, or both. If I'm _very_ good I'm tired at night, and if I'm bad +my conscience smites me--so any way I'm not very happy just now and I'm +sick and mean to go to bed and so! + +_18th_.--Had a talk with Nannie. She has a thoughtful mind and who knows +but we may do her some good. I love to have her here, and for once in my +life like to feel a little bit--just the least bit--_old_; that is, old +enough to give a little sage advice to the poor thing, when she asks it. +She says she won't read any more novels and will read the Bible and dear +knows what else she said about finding an angel for me to marry, which +heaven forbid she should do, since I'm too fond of being a little mite +naughty, to desire anything of that sort. After she was in bed she began +to say her prayers most vehemently and among other things, prayed for +Miss Payson. I had the strangest sensation, and yet an almost heavenly +one, if I may say so. May it please Heaven to listen to her prayer for +me, and mine for her, dear child. But suppose I do her no good while she +lives so under my wing? + +_19th._--Up early--walked and read Leighton. Mr. P. amused us at dinner +by giving a funny account in his funny way, of a mistake of E.---- +H.----'s. She asked me the French for _as_. "Aussi" quoth I. Thereupon +she tucked a great O. C. into her exercise and took it to him and they +jabbered and sputtered over it, and she insisted that Miss Payson said +so and he put his face right into hers and said, "Will you try to prove +that Miss Payson is a fool, you little goose?" and at last Miss A. +understood and explained. Read Leighton after school and thirty-two +pages of Lamartine--then Mr. P. called--then Miss ---- teased me to +love her and kept me in her paws till the bell rang for tea. Why can't I +like her? I should be so ashamed if I should find out after all that +she is as good as she _seems_, but I never did get cheated yet when I +trusted my own mother wits, my instinct, or whatever it is by which I +know folks--and she is found wanting by this something. + +_28th_.--Mrs. Persico has comforted me to-day. She says Mr. T. came to +Mr. P. with tears in his eyes (could such a man shed tears?) and told +him that I should be the salvation of his child--that she was already +the happiest and most altered creature, and begged him to tell me so. I +was ashamed and happy too--but I think Mr. P. should have told him +that if good has been done to Nannie, it is _as_ much--to say the +least--owing to Louisa as to me. L. always joins me in everything I do +and say for her, and I would not have even an accident deprive her of +her just reward for anything. Nannie sat on the floor to-night in her +night-gown, thinking. At last she said, "Miss Payson?" "Well, little +witch?" "You wouldn't care much if you should die to-night, should you?" +"No, I think not." "Nor I," said she. "Why, do you think you should be +better off than you are here?" "Yes, in heaven," said she. "Why how do +you know you'll go to heaven?" She looked at me seriously and said, "Oh, +I don't know--I don't know--I don't think I should like to go to the +other place." We had then a long talk with her and it seems she's a +regular little believer in Purgatory--but I wouldn't dispute with her. I +guess there's a way of getting at her heart better than that.... Why is +it that I have such a sensitiveness on religious points, such a dread of +having my own private aims and emotions known by those about me? Is it +right? I should like to be just what the Christian ought to be in these +relations. Miss ---- expects me to make speeches to her, but I _can +not_. If I thought I knew ever so much, I could not, and she annoys me +so. Oh, I wish it didn't hurt my soul so to touch it! It's just like +a butterfly's wing--people can't help tearing off the very invisible +_down_ so to speak, for which they take a fancy to it, if they get it +between fingers and thumb, and so I have to suffer for their curiosity's +sake. Am I bound to reveal my heart-life to everybody who asks? Must I +not believe that the heavenly love may, in one sense, be _hidden_ from +outward eye and outward touch? or am I wrong? + +_Feb. 1, 184l._--Rose later than usual--cold, dull, rainy morning. Read +in Life of Wilberforce. Defended Nannie with more valor than discretion. +This evening the storm departed and the moonlight was more beautiful +than ever; and I was so sad and so happy, and the life beyond and above +seemed so beautiful. Oh, how I have longed to-day for heaven within my +own soul! There has been much unspoken prayer in my heart to-night. I +don't know what I should do if I could have my room all to myself--and +not have people know it if even a good thought comes into my mind. I +shall be happy in heaven, I know I shall--for even here prayer and +praise are so infinitely more delightful than anything else. + +_3d._--Woke with headache, got through school as best I could, then came +and curled myself up in a ball in the easy-chair and didn't move till +nine, when I crept down to say good-bye to poor Mrs. Persico. Miss L. +and Miss J. received me in their room so tenderly and affectionately +that I was ashamed. What makes them love me? I am sure I should not +think they could. + +_10th._--I wonder who folks think I am, and what they think? Sally R---- +sent me up her book of autographs with a request that I would add mine. +I looked it over and found very great names, and did not know whether +to laugh or cry at her funny request, which I couldn't have made up my +mouth to grant. How queer it seems to me that people won't let me be +a little girl and will act as if I were an old maid or matron of +ninety-nine! Poor Mr. Persico is terribly unhappy and walks up and down +perpetually with _such_ a step. + +_12th._-- ... I am sure that in these little things God's hand is just +as clearly to be seen as in His wonderful works of power, and tried to +make Miss ---- see this, but she either couldn't or wouldn't. It seems +to me that God is my Father, my own Father, and it is so natural to +turn right to Him, every minute almost, with either thank-offerings or +petitions, that I never once stop to ask if such and such a matter is +sufficiently great for His notice. Miss ---- seemed quite astonished +when I said so. + +_16th._-- ... I've been instituting an inquiry into myself to-day and +have been worthily occupied in comparing myself to an onion, though +in view of the fragrance of that highly useful vegetable, I hope the +comparison won't go on all fours But I have as many natures as an onion +has--what d'ye call 'em--coats? First the outside skin or nature--kind +o' tough and ugly; _any_body may see that and welcome. Then comes my +next nature--a little softer--a little more removed from curious eyes; +then my inner one--myself--that 'ere little round ball which nobody +ever did or ever will see the whole of--at least, s'pose not. Now most +people see only the outer rind--a brown, red, yellow, tough skin and +that's all; but I _think_ there's something inside that's better and +more truly an onion than might at first be guessed. And so I'm an onion +and that's the end. + +_17th._--Mrs. P.'s birthday, in honor of which cake and wine. Mr. P. was +angry with us because we took no wine. If he had asked me civilly to +drink his wife's health, I should probably have done so, but I am not to +be _frightened_ into anything. I made a funny speech and got him out of +his bearish mood, and then we all proceeded to the portico to see if the +new President had arrived--by which means we obtained a satisfactory +view of two cows, three geese, one big boy in a white apron and one +small one in a blue apron, three darkies of feminine gender and one old +horse; but Harrison himself we saw not. Mr. Persico says it's Tyler's +luck to get into office by the death of his superior, and declares +Harrison must infallibly die to secure John Tyler's fate. It's to be +hoped this won't be the case. [9] + +_March 6th._--Miss L. read to us to-day some sprightly and amusing +little notes written her years ago by a friend with whom she still +corresponds. I was struck with the contrast between these youthful and +light-hearted fragments and her present letters, now that she is a wife +and mother. I wonder if there is always this difference between the girl +and woman? If so, heaven forbid I should ever cease to be a child! + +_18th._--Headache--Nannie sick; held her in my arms two or three hours; +had a great fuss with her about taking her medicine, but at last out +came my word _must_, and the little witch knew it meant all it said and +down went the oil in a jiffy, while I stood by laughing at myself for my +pretension of dignity. The poor child couldn't go to sleep till she had +thanked me over and over for making her mind and for taking care of her, +and wouldn't let go my hand, so I had to sit up until very late--and +then I was sick and sad and restless, for I couldn't have my room to +myself and the day didn't seem finished without it. + +It is a perfect mystery to me how folks get along with so little +praying. Their hearts must be better than mine, or something. What is +it? But if God sees that the desire of my whole heart is to-night--has +been all day--towards Himself, will He not know this as prayer, answer +it as such? Yes, prayer is certainly something more than bending of the +knees and earnest words, and I do believe that goodness and mercy will +descend upon me, though with my lips I ask not. + +_24th._--Had a long talk with Mr. Persico about my style of governing. +He seemed interested in what I had to say about appeals to the +conscience, but said my _youthful enthusiasm_ would get cooled down when +I knew more of the world. I told him, very pertly, that I hoped I should +never know the world then. He laughed and asked, "You expect to make +out of these stupid children such characters, such hearts as yours?" +"No--but better ones." He shook his head and said I had put him into +good humor. I don't know what he meant. I've been acting like Sancho +to-day--rushing up stairs two at a time, frisking about, catching up +Miss J---- in all her maiden dignity and tossing her right into the +midst of our bed. Who's going to be "schoolma'am" out of school? Not I! +I mean to be just as funny as I please, and what's more I'll make Miss +---- funny, too,--that I will! She'd have so much more health--Christian +health, I mean--if she would leave off trying to get to heaven in such a +dreadful bad "way." I can't think _religion_ makes such a long, gloomy +face. It must be that she is wrong, or else I am. I wonder which? Why +it's all sunshine to me--and all clouds to her! Poor Miss ----, you +might be so happy! + +_April 9th._--Holiday. We all took a long walk, which I enjoyed highly. +I was in a half moralising mood all the way, wanted to be by myself very +much. We talked more than usual about home and I grew so sad. Oh, I +wonder if anybody loves me as _I love_! I wonder! I long for mother, and +if I could just see her and know that she is happy and that she will be +well again! It is really a curious question with me, whether provided +I ever fall in love (for I'll _fall_ in love, else not go in at all) I +shall leave off loving mother best of anybody in the world? I suppose I +shall be in love sometime or other, but that's nothing to do with me now +nor I with it. I've got my hands full to take care of my naughty little +self. + +_17th._--Mrs. Persico got home to-night [10] and what a meeting we had! +what rejoicing! How beautiful she looked as she sat in her low chair, +and we stood and knelt in a happy circle about her! A queen--an +angel--could not have received love and homage with a sweeter grace. Sue +Irvine cried an hour for joy and I wished I were one of the crying sort, +for I'm sure I was glad enough to do almost anything. Beautiful woman! +We sang to her the Welcome Home, Miss F. singing as much with her eyes +as with her voice, and Mr. and Mrs. Persico both cried, he like a little +child. Oh, that such evenings as this came oftener in one's life! All +that was beautiful and good in each of our hidden natures came dancing +out to greet her at her coming, and all petty jealousies were so quieted +and--why, what a rhapsody I'm writing! And to-morrow, our good +better natures tucked away, dear knows where, we shall descend with +business-like airs to breakfast, wish each other good morning, pretend +that we haven't any hearts. Oh, is this life! I won't believe it. +Our good genius has come back to us; now all things will again go on +smoothly; once more I can be a little girl and frolic up here instead of +playing Miss Dignity down-stairs. + +_May 7th._--This evening I passed unavoidably through Miss ----'s room. +She was reading Byron as usual and looked so wretched and restless, that +I could not help yielding to a loving impulse and putting my hand on +hers and asking why she was so sad. She told me. It was just what I +supposed. She is trying to be happy, and can not find out how; reads +Byron and gets sickly views of life; sits up late dreaming about love +and lovers; then, too tired to pray or think good thoughts, tosses +herself down upon her bed and wishes herself dead. She did not tell me +this, to be sure, but I gathered it from her story. I alluded to +her religious history and present hopes. She said she did not think +continued acts of faith in Christ necessary; she had believed on Him +once, and now He would save her whatever she did; and she was not going +to torment herself trying to live so very holy a life, since, after all, +she should get to heaven just as well through Him as if she had been +particularly good (as she termed it). I don't know whether a good or a +bad spirit moved me at that minute, but I forgot that I was a mere child +in religious knowledge, and talked about _my_ doctrine and made it a +very beautiful one to my mind, though I don't think she thought it +so. Oh, for what would I give up the happiness of praying for a holy +heart--of striving, struggling for it! Yes, it is indeed true that we +are to be saved simply, only, apart from our own goodness, through the +love of Christ. But who can believe himself thus chosen of God--who can +think of and hold communion with Infinite Holiness, and not long for +the Divine image in his own soul? It is a mystery to me--these strange +doctrines. Is not the fruit of love aspiration after the holy? Is not +the act of the new-born soul, when it passes from death unto life, that +of desire for assimilation to and oneness with Him who is its all in +all? How can love and faith be _one act_ and then cease? I dare not +believe--I would not for a universe believe--that my very sense of +safety in the love of Christ is not to be just the sense that shall bind +me in grateful self-renunciation wholly to His service. Let me be _sure_ +of final rest in heaven--sure that at this moment I am really God's own +adopted child; and I believe my prayers, my repentings, my weariness of +sin, would be just what they now are; nay, more deep, more abundant. Oh, +it is _because_ I believe--fully believe that I shall be saved through +Christ--that I want to be like Him here upon earth It is because I do +not fear final misery that I shrink from sin and defilement here. Oh, +that I could put into that poor bewildered heart of hers just the sweet +repose upon the ever present Saviour which He has given unto me! The +quietness with which my whole soul rests upon Him is such blessed +quietness! I shall not soon forget this strange evening. + + +[1] She refers to this, doubtless, in a note to Mr. Hamlin, dated March +28, 1839. Mr. H. was then in Constantinople. "It seems as if a letter to +go so far ought to be a good one, so I am afraid to write to you. But we +'_think to you_' every day, and hope you think of us sometimes. I have +been so happy all winter that I have some happiness to spare, and if you +need any you shall have as much as you want." + +[2] The sermon was preached by her pastor, the Rev. Dr. Condit, April +19th. + +[3] There is one thing I recall as showing the very early religious +tendency of Lizzy's mind. It was a little prayer meeting which she held +with a few little friends, as long ago as her sister kept school in the +large parlor of the house on Middle street, before the death of her +father. It assembled at odd hours and in odd places. I also remember her +interest in the spiritual welfare of her young companions, after the +return of the family from their sojourn in New York. She showed this by +accompanying some of us, in the way of encouragement, to Dr. Tyler's +inquiry-meeting. Then during the special religious interest of 1838, she +felt still more deeply and entered heartily into the rejoicing of those +of us who at that time found "peace in believing." The next year I +accompanied my elder sister Susan to Richmond, and during my absence she +gave up her Christian hope and passed through a season of great darkness +and despondency, emerging, however, into the light upon a higher plane +of religious experience and enjoyment. She sometimes thought this the +very beginning of the life of faith in her soul. But as I used to say +to her when the next year we were together at Richmond, it seemed to me +quite impossible that any one who had not already received the grace of +God, could have felt what she had felt and expressed. I do not doubt +in the least that for years she had been a true follower of +Christ.--_Letter from Miss Ann Louisa P. Lord, dated Portland, December +30, 1878_. + +[4] It may be proper to say here, that while but few of her letters are +given entire, it has not been deemed needful specially to indicate all +the omissions. In some instances, also, where two letters, or passages +of letters, relate to the same subject, they have been combined. + +[5] An excellent little work by Rev. William Nevins, D.D. Dr. Nevins was +pastor of the first Presbyterian Church in Baltimore, where he died in +1835, at the age of thirty-seven. He was one of the best preachers and +most popular religious writers of his day. + +[6] Miss Ann Louisa P. Lord. + +[7] Miss Susan Lord. + +[8] Referring to a serious accident, by which her mother was for some +time deprived of the use of her right hand. + +[9] But, singularly enough, it was. President Harrison died April 4, +1841, just a month after his inauguration, and Mr. Tyler succeeded him. + +[10] From Philadelphia, where she had undergone a surgical operation. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +PASSING FROM GIRLHOOD INTO WOMANHOOD. + +1841-1845. + +I. + +At Home again. Marriage of her Sister. Ill-Health. Letters. Spiritual +Aspiration and Conflict. Perfectionism. "Very, very Happy." Work for +Christ what makes Life attractive. Passages from Her Journal. A Point of +Difficulty. + + +Not long after Elizabeth's return from Richmond, her sister was married +to the Rev. Albert Hopkins, Professor in Williams College. The wedding +had been delayed for her coming. "I would rather wait six years than +not have you present," her sister wrote. This event brought her into +intimate relations with a remarkable man; a man much beloved in his day, +and whose name will often reappear in these pages. + +The next two or three months showed that her Richmond life, although so +full of happy experiences, had yet drawn heavily upon her strength. They +were marked by severe nervous excitement and fits of depression. This, +however, passed away and she settled down again into a busy home life. +But it was no longer the home life of the past. The year of absence had +left a profound impression upon her character. Her mind and heart had +undergone a rapid development. She was only twenty-two on her return, +and had still all the fresh, artless simplicity of a young girl, but +there was joined to it now the maturity of womanhood. Of the rest of the +year a record is preserved in letters to her cousin. These letters give +many little details respecting her daily tasks and the life she led in +the family and in the world; but they are chiefly interesting for the +light they shed upon her progress heavenward. Her whole soul was still +absorbed in divine things. At times her delight in them was sweet and +undisturbed; then again, she found herself tossed to and fro upon the +waves of spiritual conflict. Perfectionism was just then much discussed, +and the question troubled her not a little, as it did again thirty years +later. But whether agitated or at rest, her thoughts all centered in +Christ, and her constant prayer was for more love to Him. + +PORTLAND, _Sept. 15, 1841._ + +The Lord Jesus is indeed dear to me. I can not doubt it. His name is +exceedingly precious. Oh, help me, my dear cousin, to love Him more, to +attain His image, to live only for Him! I blush and am ashamed when +I consider how inadequate are the returns I am making Him; yet I can +praise Him for all that is past and trust Him for all that is to come. +I can not tell you how delightful prayer is. I feel that in it I have +communion with God--that He is here--that He is mine and that I am His. +I long to make progress every day, each minute seems precious, and I +constantly tremble lest I should lose one in returning, instead of +pressing forward with all my strength. No, not _my_ strength, for I have +none, but with all which the Lord gives me. How can I thank you enough +that you pray for me! + +_Sept. 18th._--I am all the time so nervous that life would be +insupportable if I had not the comfort of comforts to rejoice in. I +often think mother would not trust me to carry the dishes to the closet, +if she knew how strong an effort I have to make to avoid dashing them +all to pieces. When I am at the head of the stairs I can hardly help +throwing myself down, and I believe it a greater degree of just such a +state as this which induces the suicide to put an end to his existence. +It was never so bad with me before. Do you know anything of such a +feeling as this? To-night, for instance, my head began to feel all at +once as if it were enlarging till at last it seemed to fill the room, +and I thought it large enough to carry away the house. Then every object +of which I thought enlarged in proportion. When this goes off the sense +of the contraction is equally singular. My head felt about the size of a +pin's head; our church and everybody in it appeared about the bigness of +a cup, etc. These strange sensations terminate invariably with one still +more singular and particularly pleasant. I can not describe it--it is +a sense of smoothness and a little of dizziness. If you never had such +feelings this will be all nonsense to you, but if you have and can +explain them to me, why I shall be indeed thankful. I have been subject +to them ever since I can remember. I never met with a physician yet who +seemed to know what is the matter with me, or to care a fig whether I +got well or not. All they do is to roll up their eyes and shake their +heads and say, "Oh!" ... As to the wedding, we had a regular fuss, so +that I hardly knew whether I was in the body or out of it. The Professor +was here only two days. He is very eminently holy, his friends say, and +from what I saw of him, I should think it true. This was the point which +interested sister in him. As soon as the wedding was over my spirits +departed and fled. It is true enough that "marriage involves one union, +but _many separations_." + +_Oct. 17th._--We had a most precious sermon this afternoon from the +Baptist minister on the words, "Christ is all and in all." I longed to +have you hear the Saviour thus dwelt upon. I did not know how full the +Apostles were of His praise--how constantly they dwelt upon Him, till it +was spread before me thus in one delightful view. Oh, may He become our +all--our beginning and our ending--our first and our last! I do love +to hear Him thus honored and adored. Let us, dear cousin, look at our +Saviour more. Let us never allow aught to come between our hearts and +our God. Speak to me as to your own soul, urging me onward, and if you +do not see the fruits of your faithfulness here, may you see when sowing +is turned to reaping. + +_Oct. 24th._--I must call upon you to rejoice with me that I have to-day +got back my old Sunday-school class. I wondered at their being so +earnest about having me again, yet I trust that God has given me this +hold upon their affections for some good purpose.... I do not know +exactly how to discriminate between the suggestions of Satan and those +of my own heart, but for a week past, even while my inclinations and my +will were set upon Christ, something followed me in my down-sittings and +my uprisings, urging me to hate the Lord Jesus; asking if His strict +requirements were not too strait to be endured; and it has grieved me +deeply that such a thought could find its way into my mind. "I have +prayed for thee that thy faith fail not" is my last refuge. How +graciously did Jesus provide a separate consolation for each difficulty +which He foresaw could meet His disciples on their way. + +_Nov. 8th._--Mother has been sick. The doctor feared inflammation of the +brain; but she is better now. I have had my first experience as a nurse, +and Dr. Mighels says I am a good one. + +Whenever I think of God's wonderful, _wonderful_ goodness to me and of +my own sinfulness, I want to find a place low at the foot of the cross +where I may cover my face in the dust, and yet go on praising Him. You +do not know how all things have been made new to me within less than two +years. Still, I struggle fiercely every hour of my life. For instance, +my desire to be much beloved by those dear to me, is a source of +constant grief. Some weeks ago, a person, who probably did not know +this, told me that I was remarkably lovable and that everybody said so. +I was so foolish, so wicked, as to be more pleased by this than I +dare to tell--but enough so to give me after-hours of bitter sorrow. +Sometimes it seems to me that I grow prouder every day, and I wanted to +ask mother if she did not think so; but I thought perhaps God is showing +me my pride as I had never seen it that I may wage war against this, His +enemy and mine. I do not believe anybody else has such an evil nature +as I. But let us never rest till we are satisfied with being counted as +nothing, that our Saviour may be all in all. It seems no small portion +of the joy I long for in heaven, to be thus self-forgetful in love to +Christ. How strange that we do not now supremely love Him. How I do long +to live with those who praise Him. I long to have every Christian with +whom I meet speak of Him with love and exalt Him. [1] + +_Nov. 12th._--I have been very unwell and low-spirited. The cause of +this, folks seem to agree, was over-exertion during mother's sickness. +To tell the truth, I was so anxious about her that I did not try to +save my strength at all, and excitement kept me up, so that I was not +conscious of any special fatigue till all was over and the reaction +came, when I just went into a dead-and-alive state and had the "blues" +outrageously. It seemed as if I could do nothing but fold my hands and +cry. + +Sister is coming home this winter. I would like you to see this letter +of hers. She is as nearly a perfectionist now as your father is. She +begs me to read the New Testament and to pray for a knowledge of the +truth. And so I have for a year and a half, and this is what I learn +thereby: "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately +wicked"--at least such I find mine to be. To be sure, that I am not +perfect is no proof that I may not become so; however, I feel most +sympathy with those who, like Martyn, Brainerd, and my father, had to +_fight_ their way through. Yet her remarks threw my mind into great +confusion at first and I knew not what to do; thereupon I went at once +with my difficulties to the Lord and tried to _seek the truth_, whatever +it might be, from Him. It seems to me that I am safe while in His hands, +and that if those things are essential, He will not withhold them from +me. Truly, if there is a royal road to holiness, and if in one moment of +time sin may be crushed and forever slain, I of all others should know +it; for at present the way is thronged with difficulties. [2] It seems +to me that I am made of wants"--I need everything. At the same time, how +great is the goodness of God to me! I long to have my heart so filled +with the one single image of my Redeemer, that it shall ever flow in +spontaneous adoration. Such a Saviour! I am pained to the very depths of +my soul because I love Him so little.... If I am only purified and made +entirely the Lord's, let Him take His own course and make the refining +process ever so painful. + + "When the shore is won at last, + Who will count the billows past?" + +_Dec. 16th._--Do you remember what father said about losing his will +when near the close of his life? That remark has always made the subject +of a _lost will_ interesting to me. There is another place where he +wishes he had known this blessedness twenty years before. [3] + +_Dec. 18th._--"I am very, very happy; and yet it is hardly a happiness +which I can describe. You know what it is to rejoice in the sweet +consciousness that there is a Saviour--a near and a present Saviour; and +thus am I now rejoicing; grateful to Him for His holy nature, for His +power over me, for His dealings with me, for a thousand things which I +can only try to express to Him. Oh, how excellent above all treasures +does He now appear! One minute of nearness to the Lord Jesus contains +more of delight than years spent in intercourse with any earthly friend. +I could not but own to-night that God can make me happy without a right +hand or a right eye. Lord, make me Thine, and I will cheerfully give +Thee all. + +_Dec. 22d._--"As to my Italian and Tasso, I am ashamed to tell you how +slow I have been. Between company and housework and sewing I have my +hands about full, and precious little time for reading and study. Still, +I feel that I live a life of too much ease. I should love to spend +the rest of my existence in the actual service of the Lord, without a +question as to its ease and comfort. Reading Brainerd this afternoon +made me long for his loose hold on earthly things. I do not know how to +attain to such a spirit. Is it by prayer alone and the consequent sense +of the worth of Divine things that this deadness to the world is to be +gained--or, by giving up, casting away the treasures which withdraw +the heart or have a tendency to withdraw it from God? This is quite an +interesting question to me now, and I should really like it settled. The +thought of living apart from God is more dreadful than any affliction I +can think of. + +Here are some passages from two leaves of her journal which escaped the +flames. They touch upon another side of her life at this period. + +_December 1, 184l._--"I went to the sewing-circle this afternoon and had +such a stupid time! Enough gossip and nonsense was talked to make one +sick, and I'm sure it wasn't the fault of my head that my hair didn't +stand on end. Now my mother is a very sensible mother, but when she +urges me into company and exhorts me to be more social, she runs the +risk of having me become as silly as the rest of 'em. She fears I may be +harmed by reading, studying and staying with her, but heaven forbid I +should find things in books worse than things out of them. I can't think +the girls are the silly creatures they make themselves appear. They want +an aim in life, some worthy _object;_ give them that, and the good and +excellent which, I am sure, lies hidden in their nature, will develop +itself at once. When the young men rushed in and the girls began looking +unutterable things, I rushed out and came home. I can't and won't talk +nonsense and flirt with those boys! Oh, what is it I do want? Somebody +who feels as I feel and thinks as I think; but where shall I find the +somebody? + +_7th._--"Frolicked with G., rushed up stairs with a glass-lamp in my +hand, went full tilt against the door, smashed the lamp, got the oil +on my dress, on two carpets, besides spattering the wall. First +consequence, a horrible smell of lamp-oil; Second, great quakings, +shakings, and wonderings what my ma would say when she came home; Third, +ablutions, groanings, ironings; Fourth, a story for the Companion long +enough to pay for that 'ere old lamp. Letting alone that, I've been a +very good girl to-day; studied, made a call, went to see H. R. with +books, cakes, apples, and what's more, my precious tongue wherewith I +discoursed to her. + +_14th._--"Busy all day. Carried a basket full of "wittles" to old Ma'am +Burns, heard an original account of the deluge from the poor woman, +wished I was as near heaven as she seems to be, studied, sewed, taught +T. and E., tried to be a good girl and didn't have the blues once. + +_20th._--"Spent most of the afternoon with Lucy, who is sick. She held +my hand in hers and kissed it over and over, and expressed so much love +and gratitude and interest in the Sunday-school that I felt ashamed. + +_24th_--Helped mother bake all the morning, studied in the afternoon, +got into a frolic, and went out after dark with G. to shovel snow, and +then paddled down to L----'s with a Christmas-pudding, whereby I got a +real backache, legache, neckache, and all-overache, which is just good +enough for me. I was in the funniest state of mind this afternoon! I +guess anybody, who had seen me, would have thought so! + +_25th, Saturday._--Got up early and ran down to Sally Johnson's with a +big pudding, consequence whereof a horrible pain in my side. I don't +care, though. I do love to carry puddings to good old grannies. + +_Jan. 1, 1842._--Began the New Year by going to see Lucy, fainting, +tumbling down flat on the floor and scaring everybody half out of their +wits. I don't think people ought to like me, on the whole, but when they +do, aint I glad? I wonder if perfectly honest-hearted people want to be +loved better than they deserve, as in one sense I, with yet a pretty +honest heart, do? I wonder how other folks think, feel inside? Wish I +knew! + +Most of the year 1842 was passed at home in household duties, in study, +and in trying to do good. Never had she been busier, or more helpful to +her mother; and never more interested in the things of God. It was a +year of genuine spiritual growth and also of sharp discipline. The +true ideal of the Christian life revealed itself to her more and more +distinctly, while at the same time she had opportunity both to learn and +to practise some of its hardest lessons. A few extracts from letters to +her cousin will give an inkling of its character. + +_March 19, 1842._--Sometimes I have thought my desire to live for my +Saviour and to labor for Him had increased. It certainly seems wonderful +to me now that I could ever have wished to die, as I used to do, _when +I had done nothing for God_. The way of life which appears most +attractive, is that spent in persevering and unwearying toil for Him. +There was a warmth and a fervency to my religious feelings the first +year after my true hope which I do not find now and often sigh for; but +I think my mind is more seriously determined for God than it was then, +and that my principles are more fixed. Still I am less than the least of +all.... I have read not quite five cantos of Tasso. You will think me +rather indolent, but I have had a great deal to do, which has hindered +study and reading. + +_May 3d_--The Christian life was never dearer to me than it is now, but +it throngs with daily increasing difficulties. You, who have become a +believer in perfection, may say that this conflict is not essential, and +indeed I have been so weary, of late, of struggling that I am almost +ready to fly to the doctrine myself. I have certainly been made more +willing to seek knowledge on this point from the Holy Spirit. + +_Sept. 30th_--You speak of indulging unusually, of late, in your natural +vivacity and finding it prejudicial. Here is a point on which I am +completely bewildered. I find that if for a month or two I steadily +set myself to the unwearied pursuit of spirituality of mind and entire +weanedness from the world, a sad reaction _will_ follow. My efforts +slightly relax, I indulge in mirthful or worldly (in the sense of not +religious) conversation, delight in it, and find my health and spirits +better for it. But then my spiritual appetites at once become less keen, +and from conversation I go to reading, from reading to writing, and then +comes the question: Am I not going back?--and I turn from all to follow +hard after the Lord. Is this a part of our poor humanity, above which +we can not rise? This is a hard world to live in; and it will prove +a trying one to me or I shall love it dearly. I have had temptations +during the last six months on points where I thought I stood so safely +that there was no danger of a fall. Perhaps it is good for us to be +allowed to go to certain lengths, that we may see what wonderful +supplies of grace our Lord gives us every hour of our lives. + +_October 1st_--I have had two or three singular hours of excitement +since I left writing to you last evening. If you were here I should be +glad to read you a late passage in my history which has come to its +crisis and is over with--thanks to Him, who so wonderfully guides me by +His counsel. If I ever saw the hand of God distinctly held forth for my +help, I have seen it here, coming in the right time, in the right way, +_all_ right. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Returns to Richmond. Trials there. Letters. Illness. School Experiences. +"To the Year 1843." Glimpses of her daily Life. Why her Scholars +love her so. Homesick. A Black Wedding. What a Wife should be. "A +Presentiment." Notes from her Diary. + + +In November of this year, at the urgent solicitation of Mr. Persico, +Miss Payson returned to Richmond, and again became a teacher in his +school. But everything was now changed, and that for the worse. Mr. +Persico, no longer under the influence of his wife, who had fallen a +prey to cruel disease, lost heart, fell heavily in debt, and became at +length hopelessly insolvent. Later, he is said to have been lost at sea +on his way to Italy. The whole period of Miss Payson's second residence +in Richmond was one of sharp trial and disappointment. But it brought +out in a very vivid manner her disinterestedness and the generous warmth +of her sympathies. At the peril of her health she remained far into the +summer of 1843, faithfully performing her duties, although, as she well +knew, it was doubtful if she would receive any compensation for her +services. As a matter of fact, only a pittance of her salary was ever +paid. Of this second residence in Richmond no other record is needed +than a few extracts from letters written to a beloved friend who was +passing the winter at the South, and whose name has already been +mentioned. + +A sentence in the first of these letters deserves to be noted as +affording a key to one side of her character, namely: "the depressing +sense of inferiority which was born with me." All her earlier years were +shadowed by this morbid feeling; nor was she ever quite free from its +influence. It was, probably, at once a cause and an effect of the +sensitive shyness that clung to her to the last. Perhaps, too, it grew +in part out of her irrepressible craving for love, coupled with utter +incredulity about herself possessing the qualities which rendered her so +lovable. "It is one of the faults of my character," she wrote, "to fancy +that nobody cares for me." + +When, dear Anna, I had taken my last look at the last familiar face +in Portland (I fancy you know whose face it was) I became quite as +melancholy as I ever desire to be, even on the principle that "by the +sadness of the countenance the heart is made better." I dare say +you never had a chance to feel, and therefore will not be able to +understand, the depressing sense of inferiority which was born with me, +which grew with my growth and strengthened with my strength, and +which, though somewhat repressed of late years, gets the mastery very +frequently and makes me believe myself the most unlovable of beings. It +was with this feeling that I left home and journeyed hither, wondering +why I was made, and if anybody on earth will ever be a bit the happier +for it, and whether I shall ever learn where to put myself in the scale +of being. This is not humility, please take notice--for humility is +contented, I think, with such things as it hath. + +_To Miss Anna S. Prentiss. Richmond, Nov. 26, 1842_ + +When I reached Richmond last night, tired and dusty and stupefied, I +felt a good deal like crawling away into some cranny and staying there +the rest of my life; but this morning, when I had remembered mother's +existence and yours and that of some one or two others, I felt more +disposed to write than anything else. Your note was a great comfort to +me during two and a half hours at Portsmouth, and while on my journey. +I thought pages to you in reply. How I should love to have you here in +Richmond, even if I could only see you once a month, or _know_ only that +you were here and never see you! With many most kind friends about me, +I still shall feel very keenly the separation from you. There is nobody +here to whom I can speak confidingly, and my hidden spirit will have to +sit with folded wings for eight months to come. To whom shall I talk +about you, pray? On the way hither I fell in love with a little girl who +also fell in love with me, and as I sat with her over our lonely fire at +Philadelphia and in Washington, I could not help speaking of you now and +then, till at last she suddenly looked up and asked me if you hadn't a +brother, which question effectually shut my mouth. In a religious point +of view I am sadly off here. There is a different atmosphere in the +house from what there used to be, and I look forward with some anxiety +to the future. + +The "little girl" referred to received soon after a letter from Miss +Payson. In enclosing it to a friend, more than thirty-seven years later, +she wrote: "I cried bitterly when she left us for Richmond. She was out +and out good and true. When my father was taking leave of us, the +last night in Washington, she proposed that as we had enjoyed so +much together, we should not separate without a prayer of thanks +and blessing-seeking, a proposal to which my father most heartily +responded." Here is an extract from the letter: + +When I look over my school-room I am frequently reminded of you, for my +thirty-six pupils are, most of them, about your age. I have some very +lovable girls under my wing. I should be too happy if there were no +"unruly members" among these good and gentle ones; but in the little +world where I shall spend the greater part of the next eight months, as +well as in the great and busy one, which as yet neither you or I know +much about, I fancy there are mixtures of "the just and the unjust," of +"the evil and the good." We have a very pleasant family this year. The +youngest (for I omit the black baby in the kitchen) we call Lily. She +is my pet and plaything, and is quite as affectionate as you are. Then +comes a damsel named Beatrice, who has taken me upon _trust_ just as you +did. You may be thankful that your parents are not like hers, for she is +to be educated _for the world_; music, French and Italian crowd almost +everything else out of place, and as for religious influences, she is +under them here for the first time. How thankful I feel when I see such +cases as this, that God gave me pious parents, who taught me from my +very birth, that His fear is the _beginning_ of wisdom! My room-mate we +call Kate. She is pious, intelligent, and very warm-hearted, and I love +her dearly. She is an orphan--Mrs. Persico's daughter ... + +I am rather affectionate by nature, if not in practice, and though I +know that nearness to the Friend, whom I hope I have chosen, could make +me happy in any circumstances, I do not pretend to be above the desire +for earthly friends, provided He sees fit to give them to me. I believe +my father used to say that we could not love them too much, if we only +gave Him the first place in our hearts. Let us earnestly seek to make +Him our all in all. It is delightful, in the midst of adversities and +trials, to be able to say "There is none upon earth that I desire +besides Thee," but it requires more grace, I think, to be able to use +such language when the world is bright about us. You have known little +of sorrow as yet, but if you have given your whole, undivided heart to +God, you will not need affliction, or to have your life made so desolate +that "weariness must toss you to His breast." There is a bright side to +religion, and I love to see Christians walking in the sunshine. I trust +you have found this out for yourself, and that your hope in Christ makes +you happy in the life that now is, as well as gives you promise of +blessedness in that which is to come. + +Before she had been long in Richmond she was seized with an illness +which caused her many painful, wearisome days and nights. Referring to +this illness, in a letter to Miss Prentiss, she writes: + +It is dull music being sick away from one's mother, but I have a knack +at submitting myself to my fate; so my spirit was a contented one, and I +was not for a moment unhappy, except for the trouble which I gave those +who had to nurse me. I thought of you, at least two-thirds of the time. +As my little pet, Lily L., said to me last night, when she had very +nearly squeezed the breath out of my body, "I love you a great deal +harder than I hug you"; so I say to you--I love you harder than I tell, +or can tell you. A happy New-Year to you, dear Anna. How much and how +little in those few old words! Consider yourself kissed and good-night. + +The "New Year" was destined to be a very eventful one alike to her +friend and to herself. She seemed to have a presentiment of it, at least +in her own case, as some lines written on a blank leaf of her almanac +for that year attest: + + With mingling hope and trust and fear + I bid thee welcome, untried year; + The paths before me pause to view; + Which shall I shun and which pursue? + I read my fate with serious eye; + I see dear hopes and treasures fly, + Behold thee on thy opening wing + Now grief, now joy, now sorrow bring. + God grant me grace my course to run + With one blest prayer--_His_ will be done. + +A little journal kept by her during the following months gives bright +glimpses of her daily life. The entries are very brief, but they show +that while devoted to the school, she also spent a good deal of time +among her books, kept up a lively correspondence with absent friends, +and contributed her full share to the entertainment of the household by +"holding soirees" in her room, "reading to the girls," writing stories +for them, and helping to "play goose" and other games. + +_To Miss Anna S. Prentiss, Richmond, Feb. 22, 1843._ + +Thanks to the Father of his Country for choosing to be born in Virginia! +for it gives us a holiday, and I can write to you, dearest of Annas. You +don't know how delighted I was to get your long-watched-for letter. +You very kindly express the wish that you could bear some of my school +drudgery with me. I would not give you that, but you should have love +from some of these warm-hearted damsels, which would make you happy even +in the midst of toil and vexation. I can't think what makes my scholars +love me so. I'm sure it is a gift for which I should be grateful, as +coming from the same source with all the other blessings which are about +me. I believe my way of governing is a more fatiguing one than that +of scolding, fretting, and punishing. There is a little bit of a tie +between each of these hearts and mine--and the least mistake on my part +severs it forever; so I have to be exceedingly careful what I do and +say. This keeps me in a constant state of excitement and makes my pulse +fly rather faster than, as a pulse arrived at years of discretion, it +ought to do. I come out of school so happy, though half tired to death, +wishing I were better, and hoping I shall become so; for the more my +scholars love me, the more I am ashamed that I am not the pink of +perfection they seem to fancy me. + +_Evening._--I have just come up here to my lonely room (which, if I +hadn't the happiest kind of a heart in the world, would look right +gloomy) and have read for the third time your dear, good letter, and all +I wish is that I could tell you how I love you, and how angry I am with +myself that I did not know and love you sooner. It seems so odd that we +should have been born and "raised" so near each other and yet apart. You +say you are a believer in destiny. So am I--particularly in affairs of +the heart; and I hope that we are made friends now for something more +than the satisfaction which we find in loving. I am in danger of +forgetting that I am to stay in this world only a little while and +then _go home._ Will you help me to bear it in mind?... How must the +"Pilgrim's Progress" interest a mind that has never learned the whole +book by rote in childhood. I have often wished I could read it as a +first-told tale, and so I wish about the xiv. of John and some other +chapters in the Bible. + +Your incidental mention that you have family prayers every evening +produced a thousand strange sensations in my mind. I hardly know why. +Did I ever tell you how I love and admire the new Bishop Johns? And how +if I _am_ a "good Presbyterian," as they say here, I go to hear him +whenever and wherever he preaches. I don't think him a _great_ man, but +he has that sincerity and truthfulness of manner which win your love at +once. [4] ... What nice times you must have studying German! I dreamed +the night I read your account of it that I was with you, and that you +said I was as stupid as an owl. I have the queerest mind somehow. It +won't work like those of other people, but goes the farthest way round +when it wants to go home, and I never could do anything with it but just +let it have its own way, and live the longer. They are having a nice +time down in the parlor worshipping Miss Ford, the light and sunshine of +the house, who leaves to-morrow for Natchez, and I am going down to help +them. So, good-night. + +_To the same. April 24._ + +Since I wrote you last we have all had a good deal to put our patience +and philosophy and faith to the test, and I must own that I have been +for some weeks about as uncomfortable as mortal damsel could be. +Everything went wrong with Mr. Persico, and his gloom extended to all +of us. I never spent such melancholy weeks in my life, and became so +homesick that I could hardly drag myself into school. In the midst of +it, however, I made fun for the rest, as I believe I should do in a +dungeon; and now it is all over, I look back and laugh still. + +We had a black wedding--a very black one--in my schoolroom the other +night; our cook having decided to take to herself a lord and master. It +was the funniest affair I ever saw. Such comical dresses! such heaps of +cake, wine, coffee, and candy! such kissings and huggings! The man who +performed the ceremony prayed that they might _obey each other,_ wherein +I think he showed his originality and good sense, too. Then he held +a book upside down and pretended to read, dear knows what! but the +Professor--that is to say, Mrs. P.--laughed so loud when he said, "Will +you take this _wo-_man to be your wedded _husband_" that we all joined in +full chorus, whereupon the poor priest (who was only the sexton of St. +James') was so confused that he married them over twice. I never saw +a couple in their station in life provided with a tenth part of the +luxuries with which they abounded. We worked all day Saturday in the +kitchen, making and icing cake for them, and a nice frolic we had of it, +too. Do you love babies? We have a black one in the lot whom I pet for +want of something on which to expend my love. + +When I find anything that will interest the whole family, I read it +aloud for general edification. The girls persuaded me into writing a +story to read to them, and locked me into my room till it was done. It +was the first love-story I ever wrote, for hitherto I have not known +enough about such things to be able to do it. This reminds me that you +asked if I intend forgetting you after I am married. I have no sort of +idea what I shall do, provided I ever marry. But if I ever fall in love +I dare say I shall do it so madly and absorbingly as to become, in a +measure and for a season, forgetful of everything and everybody else. +Still, though I hate professions, I don't see how I can ever cease to +love you, whatever else I forget or neglect. There is a restlessness +in my affection for you that I don't understand--a half wish to avoid +enjoyment now, that I may in some future time share it with you. And yet +I have a presentiment that we may have sympathy in trials of which I now +know nothing. + +I am ashamed of myself, of late, that these subjects of love and +matrimony find a place in my thoughts which I never have been in the +habit of giving them, but people here talk of little else and I am borne +on with the current. I think that to give happiness in married life a +woman should possess oceans of self-sacrificing love and I, for one, +haven't half of that self-forgetting spirit which I think essential. + +I am glad you like the "Christian Year," and I see you are quite an +Episcopalian. Well, if you are like the good old English divines, nobody +can find fault with your choice. Mr. Persico was brought up a Catholic +but professes to be a nothingarian now. For myself, this only I know +that I earnestly wish all the tendencies of my heart to be heavenward, +and I believe that the sincere inquirer after truth will be guided by +the Infinite Mind. And so on that faith I venture myself and feel safe +as a child may feel, who holds his father's hand. Life seems full of +mysteries to me of late--and I am tempted to strange thoughtfulness in +the midst of its gayest scenes. + +How true was the "presentiment" described in this letter, will appear in +her correspondence with the same friend more than a quarter of a century +later. + +_To Anna S. Prentiss, Richmond, June 1, 1843_ + +I believe you and I were intended to know each other better I have found +a certain something in you that I have been wanting all my life. While I +wish you to know me just as I am, faults and all, I can t bear to +think of ever seeing anything but the good and the beautiful in your +character, dear Anna, and I believe my heart would break outright should +I find you to be otherwise than just that which I imagine you are. I +don't know why I am saying this; but I have learned more of the world +during the last year than in any previous half dozen of my life, and the +result is dissatisfaction and alarm at the things I see about me. I wish +I could always live, as I have hitherto done, under the shelter of my +mother's wing.... I ought to ask your pardon for writing in this horrid +style, but I was born to do things by steam, I believe, and can't do +them moderately. As I write to, so I love you, dear Anna, with all my +interests and energies tending to that one point. I was amused the other +day with a young lady who came and sat on my bed when I was sick (for I +am just getting well from a quite serious illness), and after some half +dozen sighs, wished she were Anna Prentiss that she might be loved as +intensely as she desired. This is a roundabout way of saying how very +dear you are to me. What chatter-boxes girls are! I wonder how many +times I've stopped to say "My dear, don't talk so much--for I am writing +in school." + +_June 27th_--Mr. ---- brought "The Home" to me and I have laughed and +cried over it to my heart's content. Out of pure self-love, because they +said she was like me, I liked poor Petra with the big nose, best of the +bunch--though, to be sure, they liken me to somebody or other in +every book we read till I begin to think myself quite a bundle of +contradictions. I have a thousand and one things to say to you, but I +wonder if as soon as I see you I shall straightway turn into a poker, +and play the stiffy, as I always do when I have been separated from +my friends. I am writing in a little bit of a den which, by a new +arrangement, I have all to myself. What if there's no table here and +I have to write upon the bureau, sitting on one foot in a chair and +stretching upwards to reach my paper like a monkey? What do I care? I am +writing to _you_, and your spirit, invoked when I took possession of the +premises, comes here sometimes just between daylight and dark, and talks +to me till I am ready to put forth my hand to find yours. Oh! Anna, you +must be everything that is pure and good, through to the very depths +of your heart, that mine may not ache in finding it has loved only an +imaginary being. Not that I expect you to be perfect--for I shouldn't +love you if you were immaculate--but pure in aim and intention and +desire, which I believe you to be. + +_29th._--Do you want to know what mischief I've just been at? There lay +poor Miss ----, alias "Weaky" as we call her, taking her siesta in the +most innocent manner imaginable, with a babe-in-the-wood kind of air, +which proved so highly attractive that I could do no less than pick her +up in my arms and pop her (I don't know _but_ it was _head_ first), +right into the bathing-tub which happened to be filled with fresh cold +water. Poor, good little Weaky! There she sits shaking and shivering and +laughing with such perfect sweet humor, that I am positively taking a +vow never to do so again. Well, I had something quite sentimental to say +to you when I began writing, but as the spirit moved me to the above +perpetration of nonsense, I've nothing left in me but fun, and for that +you've no relish, have you? + +I made out to cry yesterday and thereby have so refreshed my soul as +to be in the best possible humor just now. The why and wherefore of my +tears, which by the way I don't shed once in an age, was briefly the +withdrawal from school of one of my scholars, one who had so attached +herself to me as to have become almost a part of myself, and whom I +had taught to love you, dear Anna, that I might have the exquisite +satisfaction of talking about you every day--a sort of sweet interlude +between grammar and arithmetic which made the dull hours of school grow +harmonious. She had a presentiment that her life was to close with our +school session, from which I couldn't move her even when her health was +good, and she says that she prays every day, not that her life may be +lengthened, but that she may die before I am gone. I am superstitious +enough to feel that the prayer may have its answer, now that I see her +drooping and fading away without perceptible disease. The only time I +ever witnessed the rite of confirmation was when the hands of the good +bishop rested upon her head, and no wonder if I have half taken up arms +in defense of this "laying-on of hands," out of the abundance of my +heart if not from the wisdom of my head. Well, I've lost my mirthful +mood, speaking of her, and don't know when it will come again. + +I have taken it into my head that you will visit Niagara on your way +home from the South and have half a mind to go there myself. Did your +brother bring home the poems of R. M. Milnes? I half hope that he did +not, since I want to see you enjoy them for the first time, particularly +a certain "Household Brownie" story, with which I fell in love when +President Woods sent us the volume. + +Here follow a few entries in her diary: + +_May 1._---Holiday. Into the country all of us, white, black, and gray. +Sue Empie devoted herself to me like a lover and so did Sue Lewis, so +I was not at a loss for society. My girls made a bower, wherein I was +ensconced and obliged to tell stories to about forty listeners till my +tongue ached. _July 18th._--Left Richmond. _Aug. 2nd._--Left Reading +for Philadelphia. _5th._--Williamstown and saw mother, sister and baby. +_16th._--President Hopkins' splendid address before the Alumni--also +that of Dr. Robbins. _18th._--Left Williamstown and reached Nonantum +House at night. Saw Aunt Willis, Julia, Sarah, Ellen, etc. _22nd._--Came +home, oh so very happy! Dear, good home! _23rd._--Callers all day, the +second of whom was Mr. P. There have been nineteen people here and I'm +tired! _25th._--What _didn't_ I hear from Anna P. to-day! _31st._--Rode +with Anna P. to Saccarappa to see Rev. Mr. and Mrs. H. B. Smith--took +tea at the P.s and went with them to the Preparatory Lecture. I do +nothing but go about from place to place. _Sept. 1st._--Just as cold as +cold could be all day. Spent evening at Mrs. B.'s, talking with Neal +Dow. _9th._--Cold and blowy and disagreeable. Went to see Carrie H. Came +home and found Mr. P. here; he stayed to tea--read us some interesting +things--told us about Mary and William Howitt. _10th._--Our church was +re-opened to-day. Mr. Dwight preached in the morning and Mr. Chickering +in the afternoon. + +September 11th she marked with a white stone and kept ever after as one +of the chief festal days of her life, but of the reason why there is +here no record. The diary for the rest of the year is blank with the +exception of a single leaf which contains these sentences: + +"Celle qui a besoin d'admirer ce qu'elle aime, celle, don't le jugement +est penetrant, bien que son imagination exaltee, il n'y a pour elle +qu'un objet dans l'univers." + +"Celui qu'on aime, est le vengeur des fautes qu'on a commis sur cette +terre; la Divinite lui prete son pouvoir." + +MAD. DE STAEL. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Her Views of Love and Courtship. Visit of her Sister and Child. Letters. +Sickness and Death of Friends. Ill-Health. Undergoes a Surgical +Operation. Her Fortitude. Study of German. Fenelon. + + +The records of the next year and a half are very abundant, in the form +of notes, letters, verses and journals; but they are mostly of too +private a character to furnish materials for this narrative, belonging +to what she called "the deep story of my heart." They breathe the +sweetness and sparkle with the morning dew of the affections; and while +some of them are full of fun and playful humor, others glow with all +the impassioned earnestness of her nature, and others still with deep +religious feeling. She wrote: + +My heart seems to me somewhat like a very full church at the close of +the services--the great congregation of my affections trying to find +their way out and crowding and hindering each other in the general rush +for the door. Don't you see them--the young ones scampering first down +the aisle, and the old and grave and stately ones coming with proud +dignity after them?... I feel now that "dans les mysteres de notre +nature aimer, _encore aimer,_ est ce qui nous est reste de notre +heritage celeste," and oh, how I thank God for my blessed portion of +this celestial endowment! + +Love in a word was to her, after religion, the holiest and most +wonderful reality of life; and in the presence of its mysteries she +was--to use her own comparison--"like a child standing upon the +seashore, watching for the onward rush of the waves, venturing himself +close to the water's edge, holding his breath and wooing their approach, +and then, as they come dashing in, retreating with laughter and mock +fear, only to return to tempt them anew." Her only solicitude was lest +the new interest should draw her heart away from Him who had been its +chief joy. In a letter to her cousin, she touches on this point: + +You know how by circumstances my affections have been repressed, and +now, having found _liberty to love,_ I am tempted to seek my heaven in +so loving. But, my dear cousin, there is nothing worth having apart from +God; I feel this every day more and more and the fear of satisfying +myself with something short of Him--this is my only anxiety. This drives +me to the throne of His grace and makes me refuse to be left one moment +to myself. I believe I desire first of all to love God supremely and to +do something for Him, if He spares my life. + +Early in December her sister, Mrs. Hopkins, with an infant boy, came to +Portland and passed a part of the winter under the maternal roof. The +arrival of this boy--her mother's first grandchild--was an event in the +family history. Here is her own picture of the scene: + +It was a cold evening, and grandmamma, who had been sitting by the fire, +knitting and reading, had at last let her book fall from her lap, and +had dropped to sleep in her chair. The four uncles sat around the table, +two of them playing chess, and two looking on, while Aunt Fanny, with +her cat on her knees, studied German a little, looked at the clock very +often, and started at every noise. + +"I have said, all along, that they wouldn't come," she cried at last. +"The clock has just struck nine, and I am not going to expect them any +longer. I _knew_ Herbert would not let Laura undertake such a journey in +the depth of winter; or, at any rate, that Laura's courage would tail at +the last moment." + +She had hardly uttered these words, when there was a ring at the +doorbell, then a stamping of feet on the mat, to shake off the snow, and +in they Came, Lou, and Lou's papa, and Lou's mamma, bringing ever so +much fresh, cold air with them. Grandmamma woke up, and rose to meet +them with steps as lively as if she were a young girl; Aunt Fanny tossed +the cat from her lap, and seized the bundle that held the baby; the four +uncles crowded about her, eager to get the first peep at the little +wonder. There was such a laughing, and such a tumult, that poor Lou, +coming out of the dark night into the bright room, and seeing so many +strange faces, did not know what to think. When his cloaks and shawls +and capes were at last pulled off by his auntie's eager hands, there +came into view a serious little face, a pair of bright eyes, and a head +as smooth as ivory, on which there was not a single hair. His sleeves +were looped up with corals, and showed his plump white arms, and he sat +up very straight, and took a good look at everybody. + +"What a perfect little beauty!" "What _splendid_ eyes!" "What a lovely +skin!" "He's the perfect image of his father!" "He's _exactly_ like his +mother!" "What a dear little nose!" "What fat little hands, full of +dimples!" "Let _me_ take him!" "Come to his own grandmamma!" "Let his +uncle toss him--so he will!" "What does he eat?" "Is he tired?" "Now, +_Fanny!_ you've had him ever since he came; he wants to come to me; I +know he does!" + +These, and nobody knows how many more exclamations of the sort, greeted +the ears of the little stranger, and were received by him with unruffled +gravity. + +"Aunt Fanny" devoted herself during the following weeks to the care of +her little nephew. Her letters written at the time--some of them with +him in her arms--are full of his pretty ways; and when, more than a +score of years later, he had given his young life to his country and +was sleeping in a soldier's grave, his "sayings and doings" formed the +subject of one of her most attractive juvenile books. + +A few extracts from her letters will give glimpses of her state of mind +during this winter, and show also how the thoughtful spirit, which from +the first tempered the excitements of her new experience, was deepened +by the loss of very dear friends. + +PORTLAND, _December 9, 1843._ + +Last evening I spent at Mrs. H.----'s with Abby and a crowd of other +people. John Neal told me I had a great bump of love of approbation, and +conscientiousness very large, and self-esteem hardly any; and that he +hoped whoever had most influence over me would remedy that evil. He then +went on to pay me the most extravagant compliments, and said I could +become distinguished in any way I pleased. Thinks I to myself, "I should +like to be the best little wife in the world, and that's the height of +my ambition." Don't imagine now that I believe all he says, for he has +been saying just such things to me since I was a dozen years old, and I +don't see as I am any great things yet. Do you? + +_Jan. 3d, 1844._--Sister is still here and will stay with us a month +or two yet. Her husband has gone home to preach and pray himself into +contentment without her. Though he was here only a week, his quiet +Christian excellence made us all long to grow better. It is always the +case when he comes, though he rather lives than talks his religion. I +never saw, as far as piety is concerned, a more perfect specimen of a +man in his every-day life. + +Do you pray for me every night and every morning? Don't forget how I +comfort myself with thinking that you every day ask for me those graces +of the Spirit which I so long for. Indeed, I have had lately such +heavenward yearnings!... Why do you ask _if_ I pray for you, as if I +could love you and _help_ praying for you continually and always. I have +no light sense of the holiness a Christian minister should possess. I +half wish there were no veil upon my heart on this point, that you +might see how, from the very first hour of your return from abroad, my +interest in you went hand-in-hand with this _looking upward_. + +_Jan. 22d._--We have all been saddened by the repeated trials with which +our friends the Willises are visited this winter. Mrs. Willis is still +very ill, and there is no hope of her recovery; and Ellen, the pet +of the whole household--the always happy, loving, beautiful young +thing--who had been full of delight in the hope of becoming a mother, +lies now at the point of death; having lost her infant, and with it her +bright anticipations. For fourteen years there had not been a physician +in their house, and you may imagine how they are all now taken, as it +were, by surprise by the first break death has threatened to make in +their peculiarly happy circle. Our love for all the family has grown +with our growth and strengthened with our strength, and what touches +them we all feel. + +_Feb. 8th._--How is it that people who have no refuge in God live +through the loss of those they love? I am very sad this morning, and +almost wish I had never loved you or anybody. Last night we heard of the +death of Julia Willis' sister, and this morning learn that a dear little +girl in whom we all were much interested, and whom I saw on Saturday +only slightly unwell, is taken away from her parents, who have no +manner of consolation in losing this only child. There is a great cloud +throughout our house, and we hardly know what to do with ourselves. When +I met mother and sister yesterday on my return from your house, I saw +that something was the matter of which they hesitated to tell me; and of +whom should I naturally think but of you--you in whom my life is bound +up; and, when mother finally came to put her arms around me, I suffered +for the moment that intensity of anguish which I should feel in knowing +that something dreadful had befallen you. She told me, however, of poor +Ellen's death, and I was so lost in recovering you again that I cared +for nothing else all the evening, and until this morning had scarcely +thought of the aching, aching hearts she has left behind. Her poor young +husband, who loved her so tenderly, is half-distracted. + +Oh, I have blessed God to-day that until He had given me a sure and +certain hold upon Himself, He had not suffered me to love as I love now! +It is a mystery which I can not understand, how the heart can live on +through the moment which rends it asunder from that of which it has +become a part, except by hiding itself in God. I have felt Ellen's death +the more, because she and her husband were associated in my mind with +you. I hardly know how or why; but she told me much of the history of +her heart when I saw her last summer on my way home from Richmond, at +the same time that she spoke much of you. She had seen you at our house +before you went abroad, and seemed to have a sort of presentiment that +we should love each other. + +But I ought to beg you to forgive me for sending you this gloomy page; +yet I was restless and wanted to tell you the thoughts that have been in +my heart towards you to-day--the serious and saddened love with which I +love you, when I think of you as one whom God may take from me at any +moment. I do not know that it is unwise to look this truth in the face +sometimes--for if ever there was heart tempted to idolatry, to giving +itself up fully, utterly, with perfect abandonment of every other hope +and interest, to an earthly love, so is mine tempted now. + +_Feb. 13th._--Mother is going to Boston with sister on Saturday, +provided I am well enough (which I mean to be), as Mrs. Willis has +expressed a strong wish to see her once more. We heard from them +yesterday again. Poor Ellen's coffin was placed just where she stood as +a bride, less than eight months ago, and her little infant rested on her +breast. There is rarely a death so universally mourned as hers; she was +the most winning and attractive young creature I ever saw. + +_Feb. 21st._--Are you in earnest? Are you in earnest? Are you really +coming home in March? I am afraid to believe, afraid to doubt it. I am +crying and laughing and writing all at once. You would not tell me so +unless you _really were coming_, I know ... And you are coming home! +(How madly my heart is beating! lie still, will you?) I almost feel that +you are here and that you look over my shoulder and read while I write. +Are you sure that you will come? Oh, don't repent and send me another +letter to say that you will wait till it is pleasanter weather; it is +pleasant now. I walked out this morning, and the air was a spring air, +and gentlemen go through the streets with their cloaks hanging over +their arms, and there is a constant plashing against the windows, of +water dripping down from the melting snow; yes, I verily believe that +it is warm, and that the birds will sing soon--I do, upon my word ... +I wouldn't have the doctor come and feel my pulse this afternoon for +anything. He would prescribe fever powders or fever drops, or something +of the sort, and bleed me and send me to bed, or to the insane hospital; +I don't know which. I could cry, sing, dance, laugh, all at once. Oh, +that I knew exactly when you will be here--the day, the hour, the +minute, that I might know to just what point to govern my impatient +heart--for it would be a pity to punish the poor little thing too +severely. I have been reading to-day something which delighted me very +much; do you remember a little poem of Goethe's, in which an imprisoned +count sings about the flower he loves best, and the rose, the lily, the +pink, and the violet, each in turn fancy themselves the objects of his +love. [5] You see I put you in the place of the prisoner at the outset, +and I was to be the flower of his love, whatever it might be. Well, +it was the "Forget-me-not." If there were a flower called the +"Always-loving," maybe I might find out to what order and class I +belong. Dear me; there's the old clock striking twelve, and I verily +meant to go to bed at ten, so as to sleep away as much of the time as +possible before your coming, but I fell into a fit of loving meditation, +and forgot everything else. You should have seen me pour out tea +to-night! Why, the first thing I knew, I had poured it all out into my +own cup till it ran over, and half filled the waiter, which is the first +time I ever did such a ridiculous thing in my life. But, dearest, I +bid you good night, praying you may have sweet dreams and an inward +prompting to write me a long, long, blessed letter, such as shall make +me dance about the house and sing. + +_Feb. 22d._--Oh, I am frightened at myself, I am so happy! It seems +as if even this whole folio would not in the least convey to you the +gladness with which my heart is dancing and singing and making merry. +The doctor seems quite satisfied with my shoulder, and says "_it's +first-rate;_" so set your heart at rest on that point. I hope there'll +be nobody within two miles of our meeting. Suppose you stop in some out +of the way place just out of town, and let me trot out there to see you? +Oh, are you really coming? + +_To G, E. S. March 4, 1844._ + +I must write a few lines to tell you, my dear cousin, that I am thinking +of and praying for you on your birthday. I have but one request to offer +either for you or for myself, and that is for more love to our Redeemer. +I bless God that I have no other want.... I do not know why it is, but I +never have thought so much of death and of the certainty that I, sooner +or later, must die, as within a few months past. I am not exactly +superstitious, but this daily and hourly half-presentiment that my life +will not be a long one, is singularly subduing, and seems to lay a +restraining hand upon future plans. I am not sorry, whatever may be the +event, that it is so. I dread clinging to this world and seeking my rest +in it. I am not afraid to die, or afraid that anything I love may be +taken from me; I only have this serious and thoughtful sense of death +upon my mind. You know how we have loved the Willis family, and can +imagine how we felt the death of their youngest daughter, who was dear +to everybody. And Mrs. Willis is, probably, not living. This has added +to my previous feeling on the subject, which was, perhaps, first +occasioned by the sudden and terrible loss of my poor friend, Mr. +Thatcher, a year ago this month. [6] God forbid I should ever forget the +lessons He saw I needed, and dare to feel that there is a thing upon +earth which death may not touch. Oh, in how many ways He has sought to +win my whole heart for His own! + +_March 22d._--I was interrupted last night by the arrival of G. L. P., +after his four months' absence in Mississippi, improved in health, and +in looks, and in spirits, and quite as glad to see me, I believe, as +even you, in your goodness of heart, say my lover ought to be. But I +will tell you the truth, my dear cousin, I am _afraid_ of love. There is +no other medium, save that of the happiness of loving and being loved, +by which my affections could be effectually turned from divine to +earthly things. Am I not then on dangerous ground? Yet God mercifully +shows me that it is so, and when I think how He has saved me hitherto +through sharp temptations, it seems wicked, distrust of Him, not to feel +that He will save me through those to come. I know now there are some of +the great lessons of life yet to be learned; I believe I must _suffer_ +as long as I have an earthly existence. Will not then God make that +suffering but as a blessed reprover to bring me nearer Himself? I hope +so. + +During the winter her health had become so much impaired, that great +anxiety was felt as to the issue. In a letter to her friend, Miss Ellen +Thurston, dated April 20, 1844, she writes: + +You remember, perhaps, that on the afternoon you were so good as to +come and spend with me, I was making a fuss about a little thing on +my shoulder. Well, I had at last to have it removed, and though the +operation was not in itself very painful, its effects on my whole +nervous system have been most powerful. I have lost all regular habits +of sleep--for a week I do not know that I slept two hours--and am ready +to fly into a fit at the bare thought of sitting still long enough to +write a common letter. I have, however, the consolation of being pitied +and consoled with, as there's something in the idea of cutting at the +flesh which touches the heart, a thousand times more than some severer +sufferings would do. I am getting quite thin and weak upon it, and I +believe mother firmly expects me to shrink into nothing, though I am a +pretty bouncing girl still. + +Owing to some mishap the healing process was entirely thwarted, and +after a very trying summer, the operation had to be repeated. This time +it was performed by that eminent surgeon and admirable Christian man, +Dr. John C. Warren of Boston, assisted by his son, Dr. J. M. W. Dr. +Warren told Miss Payson's friend, who had accompanied an invalid sister +to New York, that he thought it would require "about five minutes;" but +it proved to be much more serious than he had anticipated. Miss Willis, +in her letter from Geneva already quoted, thus refers to it: + +My next meeting with Lizzy revealed a striking trait of her character, +which hitherto I had had no opportunity of observing--her wonderful +fortitude under suffering. I was at the seashore with my sister and +family when, her little child being taken suddenly very ill in the +night, I went up to Boston by an early train to bring down as soon +as possible our family physician. On arriving at his house I was +disappointed at being told that he could not come at once, being engaged +to perform an operation that morning. While waiting for the return +train, I called at my father's office and was surprised to hear that +Lizzy was the patient. A painful tumor had developed itself on the back +of her neck, and she had come up with her mother to Boston to consult +Dr. Warren, who had advised its immediate removal. + +I went at once to see her. She greeted me with even more than her usual +warmth and after stating in a few words the object of her coming to +Boston and that she was expecting the doctors every moment, she added: +"You will stay with me, I am sure. Mother insists on being present, but +she can not bear it. She will be sure to faint. If you will promise +to stay, I can persuade her to remain in the next room." Seeing the +distress in my face at the request, she said, "I will be very good. You +will have nothing to do but sit in the room, to satisfy mother." It was +impossible to refuse and I remained. There was no chloroform then to +give blessed unconsciousness of suffering and every pang had to be +endured, but she more than kept her promise to "be good." Not a sound or +a movement betrayed suffering. She spoke only once. After the knife was +laid aside and the threaded needle was passed through the quivering +flesh to draw the gaping edges of the wound together, she asked, after +the first stitch had been completed, in a low, almost calm tone, with +only a slight tremulousness, how many more were to be taken. When the +operation was over, and the surgeons were preparing to depart, she +questioned them minutely as to the mark which would be left after +healing. I was surprised that she could think of it at such a moment, +knowing how little value she had always set on her personal appearance, +but her mother explained it afterward by referring to her betrothal to +you, and the fear that you would find the scar disfiguring. [7] + +In a letter to Mrs. Stearns, [8] she herself writes, Sept. 6: + +I had no idea of the suffering which awaited me. I thought I should get +off as I did the first time. But I have a great deal to be thankful for. +On Wednesday, to my infinite surprise and gladness, George pounced down +upon me from New York, having been quite cut to the heart by the account +mother gave him. Everybody is so kind, and I have had so many letters, +and seen so many sympathising faces, and "dear Lizzy" sounds so sweet +to my insatiable ears; and yet--and yet--I would rather die than live +through the forty-eight hours again which began on Monday morning. +Somebody must have prayed for me, or I never should have got through. + +An extract from another of her letters, dated Portland, September 11th, +belongs here: + +I must tell you, too, about Dr. Warren (the old one). When mother +asked him concerning the amount he was to receive from her for his +professional services, he smiled and said: "I shall not charge _you_ +much, and as for Miss Payson, when she is married and rich, she may pay +me and welcome--but not till then." I told him I never expected to be +rich, and he replied, with what mother thought an air of contentment +that said he knew all about it: "Well, we can be happy without riches," +and such a good, happy smile shone all over his face as I have seldom +been so fortunate as to see in an old man. As for the young one, he +seemed as glad when I was dressed on Sunday with a clean frock and no +shawl, as if it were really a matter of consequence to him to see his +patients looking comfortable and well. I am getting along finely; there +is only one spot on my shoulder which is troublesome, and they ordered +me on a very strict diet for that--so I am half-starved this blessed +minute. We went to Newburyport on Monday, and stayed there with Anna +till yesterday afternoon. I think the motion of the cars hurt me +somewhat, but by the time you get here I do hope I shall be quite well. + +_Evening_.-- ... I have had such happy thoughts and prayers to-night! +You should certainly have knelt with me in my little room, where, for +the first time a year ago this evening, I asked God to bless _us_; and +you too, perhaps, then began first to pray for me. Oh, what a wonderful +time it was!... I hope you have prayed for me to-day--I don't mean as +you always do, but with new prayers wherewith to begin the new year. God +bless you and love you! + +But this period was also one of large mental growth. It was marked +especially by two events that had a shaping influence upon both her +intellectual and religious character. One was the study of German. She +was acquainted already with French and Italian; she now devoted her +leisure hours to the language and works of Schiller and Goethe. These +opened to her a new world of thought and beauty. Her correspondence +contains frequent allusions to the progress of her German reading. Here +is one in a letter to her cousin: + +I have read George Herbert a good deal this winter. I have also read +several of Schiller's plays--William Tell and Don Carlos among the +rest--and got a great deal more excited over them than I have over +anything for a long while. George has a large German library, but +I don't suppose I shall be much the wiser for it, unless I turn to +studying theology. Did you read in Goethe's Wilhelm Meister, the +"Bekenntnisse einer schoenen Seele"? I do think it did my soul good when +I read it last July. The account she gives of her religious history +reminded me of mine in some points very strongly. + +The other incident was her introduction to the writings of Fenelon--an +author whom, in later years, she came to regard as an oracle of +spiritual wisdom. In the letter just quoted, she writes: "I am reading +Fenelon's 'Maximes des Saints,' and many of his ideas please me +exceedingly. Some of his 'Lettres Spirituelles' are delicious--so +heavenly, so child-like in their spirit." [9] + + +[1] _Jan, 1, 1845._--I used never to confide my religious feelings to +any one in the world. I went on my toilsome, comfortless way quite by +myself. But when at the end of this long, gloomy way, I saw and knew and +rejoiced in Christ, then I forgot myself and my pride and my reserve, +and was glad if a little child would hear me say "I love Him!"--glad if +the most ignorant, the most hitherto despised, would speak of Him. + +[2] Later she writes: "I have had a long talk with sister to-day about +Leighton. She claims him, as all the Perfectionists do, as one of their +number; though, by the way, in the common acceptation of the word, she +is not a Perfectionist herself, but only on the boundary-line of the +enchanted ground. I am completely puzzled when I think on such subjects. +I doubt if sister is right, yet know not where she is wrong. She +does not obtrude her peculiar opinions on any one, and I began the +conversation this afternoon myself." + +[3] "Oh, what a blessed thing it is to lose one's will! Since I have +lost my will I have found happiness. There can be no such thing as +disappointment to me, for I have no desires but that God's will may be +accomplished." "Christians might avoid much trouble if they would only +believe what they profess, viz.: that God is able to make them happy +without anything but Himself. They imagine that if such a dear friend +were to die, or such and such blessings to be removed, they should be +miserable; whereas God can make them a thousand times happier without +them. To mention my own case: God has been depriving me of one blessing +after another; but as every one was removed, He has come in and filled +up its place; and now, when I am a cripple and not able to move, I am +happier than ever I was in my life before or ever expected to be; and +if I had believed this twenty years ago, I might have been spared much +anxiety." + +[4] The Right Rev. John Johns, Bishop of the Protestant Episcopal Church +of Virginia, was a man of apostolic simplicity and zeal, and universally +beloved. An almost ideal friendship existed between him and Dr. Charles +Hodge, of Princeton. _Dear, blessed, old John,_ Dr. H. called him when +he was seventy-nine years old. See Life of Dr. Hodge, pp. 564-569. +Bishop Johns died in 1876. + +[5] Das Bluemlein Wunderschoen. _Lied des gefangenen Grafen_, is the title +of the poem. Goethe's Samtliche Werke. Vol. I., p. 151. + +[6] See appendix A, p. 533. + +[7] The horrible operation is over, Heaven be praised! It was far more +horrible than we had anticipated. They were _an hour and a quarter_, +before all was done. I was very brave at first and wouldn't leave the +room, but I found myself so faint that I feared falling and had to go. +Lizzy behaved like a heroine indeed, so that even the doctors admired +her fortitude. She never spoke, but was deadly faint, so that they were +obliged to lay her down that the dreadful wound might bleed; then there +was an artery to be taken up and tied; then six stitches to be taken +with a great big needle. Most providentially dear Julia Willis came +in about ten minutes before the doctors and though she was greatly +distressed, she never faints, and staid till Lizzy was laid in bed.... +She was just like a marble statue, but even more beautiful, while the +blood stained her shoulders and bosom. You couldn't have looked on such +suffering without fainting, man that you are.--_From a letter of Mrs. +Payson, dated Boston, Sept. 2, 1844._ + +[8] Her friend, Miss Prentiss, had been married, in the previous autumn, +to the Rev. Jonathan F. Stearns, of Newburyport. + +[9] "Explication des Maximes des Saints sur la Vie Interieure" is +the full title of the famous little work first named. It appeared in +January, 1697. If measured by the storm it raised in France and at Rome, +or by the attention it attracted throughout Europe, its publication may +be said to have been one of the most important theological events of +that day. The eloquence of Bossuet and the power of Louis XIV. were +together exerted to the utmost in order to brand its illustrious author +as a heretical Quietist; and, through their almost frantic efforts, it +was at last condemned in a papal brief. But, for all that, the little +work is full of the noblest Christian sentiments. It pushes the doctrine +of pure love, perhaps, to a perilous extreme, but still an extreme that +leans to the side of the highest virtue. After its condemnation the +Pope, Innocent XII., wrote to the French prelates, who had been most +prominent in denouncing Fenelon: _Peccavit excessu amoris divini, sed +vos peccastis defectu amoris proximi_--i.e., "He has erred by too much +love of God, but ye have erred by too little love of your neighbor." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHER. + +1845-1850. + +I. + +Marriage and Settlement in New Bedford. Reminiscences. Letters. Birth of +her First Child. Death of her Sister-in-Law. Letters. + + +On the 16th of April, 1845, Miss Payson was married to the Rev. George +Lewis Prentiss, then just ordained as pastor of the South Trinitarian +church in New Bedford, Mass. Here she passed the next five and a half +years; years rendered memorable by precious friendships formed in them, +by the birth of two of her children, by the death of her mother, and by +other deep joys and sorrows. New Bedford was then known, the world over, +as the most important centre of the whale-fishery. In quest of the +leviathans of the deep its ships traversed all seas, from the tumbling +icebergs of the Arctic Ocean to the Southern Pacific. But it was also +known nearer home for the fine social qualities of its people. Many of +the original settlers of the town were Quakers, and its character had +been largely shaped by their friendly influence. Husbands and wives, +whether young or old, called each other everywhere by their Christian +names, and a charming simplicity marked the daily intercourse of life. +Into this attractive society Mrs. Prentiss was at once welcomed. The +Arnold family in particular--a family representing alike the friendly +spirit, the refinement and taste, the wealth, and the generous +hospitality of the place--here deserve mention. Their kindness was +unwearied; flowers and fruit came often from their splendid garden and +greenhouses; and, in various other ways, they contributed from the +moment of her coming to render New Bedford a pleasant home to her. + +But it was in her husband's parish that she found her chief interest +and joy. His people at first welcomed her in the warmest manner on her +sainted father's account, but they soon learned to love her for her own +sake. She early began to manifest among them that wonderful sympathy, +which made her presence like sunshine in sick rooms and in the house of +mourning, and, in later years, endeared her through her writings to so +many hearts. While her natural shyness and reserve caused her to shrink +from everything like publicity, and even from that leadership in the +more private activities of the church which properly belonged to her sex +and station, any kind of trouble instantly aroused and called into play +all her energies. The sickness and death of little children wrought upon +her with singular power; and, in ministering aid and comfort to bereaved +mothers, she seemed like one specially anointed of the Lord for this +gentle office. Now, after the lapse of more than a third of a century, +there are those in New Bedford and its vicinity who bless her memory, as +they recall scenes of sharp affliction cheered by her presence and her +loving sympathy. + +The following reminiscences by one of her New Bedford friends, written +not long after her death, belong here: + +Oh, that I had the pen of a ready writer! How gladly would I depict her +just as she came to New Bedford, a youthful bride and our pastor's wife, +more than a third of a century ago! My remembrances of her are still +fresh and delightful; but they have been for so many years _silent_ +memories that I feel quite unable fully to express them. And yet I will +try to give you a few simple details. Several things strike me as I +recall her in those days. Our early experiences in the struggle of life +had been somewhat similar and this drew us near to each other. She was +naturally very shy and in the presence of strangers, or of +uncongenial persons, her reserve was almost painful; but with her +friends--especially those of her own sex--all this vanished and she was +full of animated talk. Her conversation abounded in bright, pointed +sayings, in fine little touches of humor, in amusing anecdotes and +incidents of her own experience, which she related with astonishing ease +and fluency, sometimes also in downright girlish fun and drollery; and +all was rendered doubly attractive by her low, sweet woman's voice and +her merry, fitful laugh. Yet these things were but the sparkle of a very +deep and serious nature. Even then her religious character was to me +wonderful. She seemed always to know just what was prompting her, +whether, nature or grace; and her perception of the workings of the two +principles was like an instinct. While I, though cherishing a Christian +hope, was still struggling in bondage under the law, she appeared to +enjoy to the full the glorious liberty of the children of God. And when +I would say to her that I was constantly doing that which I ought not +and leaving undone so much that I ought to do, she would try to comfort +me and to encourage me to exercise more faith by responding, "Oh, you +don't know what a great sinner I am; but Christ's love is greater +still." There was a helpful, assuring, sunshiny influence about her +piety which I have rarely seen or felt in any other human being. And +almost daily, during all the years of separation, I have been conscious +of this influence in my own life. + +I remember her as very retiring in company, even among our own people. +But if there were children present, she would gather them about her and +hold them spell-bound by her talk. Oh, she was a marvellous storyteller! +How often have I seen her in the midst of a little group, who, all eyes +and ears, gazed into her face and eagerly swallowed every word, while +she, intent on amusing them, seemed quite unconscious that anybody else +was in the room. Mr. H---- used to say, "How I envy those children and +wish I were one of them!" + +Mrs. Prentiss received much attention from persons outside of our +congregation, and who, from their position and wealth, were pretty +exclusive in their habits. But they could not resist the attraction of +her rare gifts and accomplishments. New Bedford at that time, as you +know, had a good deal of intellectual and social culture. This was +particularly the case among the Unitarians, whose minister, when you +came to us, was that excellent and very superior man, the Rev. Ephraim +Peabody, D.D., afterwards of King's Chapel in Boston. One of the leading +families of his flock was the "Arnold family," whose garden and grounds +were then among the finest in the State and at whose house such men +as Richard H. Dana, the poet, the late Professor Agassiz, and others +eminent for their literary and scientific attainments, were often to be +seen. This whole family were warmly attached to Mrs. Prentiss, and after +you left New Bedford, often referred to their acquaintance with her in +the most affectionate manner. And I believe Mr. Arnold and his daughter +used to visit you in New York. The father, mother, daughter, and aunt +are all gone. And what a change have all these vanished years wrought +in the South Trinitarian society! I can think of only six families then +worshipping there, that are worshipping there now. But so long as a +single one remains, the memory of Mrs. Prentiss will still be precious +in the old church. + +The story of the New Bedford years may be told, with slight additions +here and there, by Mrs. Prentiss' own pen. Most of her letters to her +own family are lost; but the letters to her husband, when occasionally +separated from her, and others to old friends, have been preserved and +afford an almost continuous narrative of this period. A few extracts +from some of those written in 1845, will show in what temper of mind she +entered upon her new life. The first is dated Portland, January both, +just after Mr. Prentiss received the call to New Bedford: + +I have wished all along, beyond anything else, not so much that we might +have a pleasant home, pleasant scenery and circumstances, good society +and the like, as that we might have good, holy influences about us, and +God's grace and love within us. And for you, dear George, I did not so +much desire the intellectual and other attractions, about which we have +talked sometimes, as a dwelling-place among those whom you might train +heavenward or who would not be a hindrance in your journey thither. +Through this whole affair I know I have thought infinitely more of you +than of myself. And if you are happy at the North Pole shan't I be happy +there too? I shall be heartily thankful to see you a pastor with a +people to love you. Only I shall be jealous of them. + +To her friend, Miss Thurston, she writes from New Bedford, April 28th: + +I thank you with all my heart for your letter and for the very pretty +gift, which I suppose to be the work of your own hands. I can not tell +you how inexpressibly dear to me are all the expressions of affection I +have received and am receiving from old friends. We have been here ten +days, and very happy days they have been to me, notwithstanding I have +had to see so many strange faces and to talk to so many new people. And +both my sister and Anna tell me that the first months of married life +are succeeded by far happier ones still; so I shall go on my way +rejoicing. As to what your brother says about disappointment, nobody +believes his doctrine better than I do; but life is as full of blessings +as it is of disappointments, I conceive, and if we only know how, we may +often, out of mere _will_, get the former instead of the latter. I have +had some experience of the "conflict and dismay" of this present evil +world; but then I have also had some of its smiles. Neither of these +ever made me angry with this life, or in love with it. I believe I am +pretty cool and philosophical, but it won't do for me at this early day +to be boasting of what is in me. I shall have to wait till circumstances +bring it out. I can only answer for the past and the present--the one +having been blessed and gladdened and the other _being_ made happy and +cheerful by lover and husband. I'll tell you truly, as I promised to do, +if my heart sings another tune on the 17th of April, 1848. I only hope +I shall enter soberly and thankfully on my new life, expecting sunshine +and rain, drought and plenty, heat and cold--and adapting myself to +alternations contentedly--but who knows? We are boarding at a hotel, +which is not over pleasant. However, we have two good rooms and have +home things about us. I like to sit at work while Mr. Prentiss writes +his sermons and he likes to have me--so, for the present, a study can be +dispensed with. In a few weeks we hope to get to housekeeping. I like +New Bedford very much. + +To her husband she writes, June 18: + +I can not help writing you again, though I did send you a letter last +night. It is a very pleasant morning, and I think of you all the time +and love you with the happiest tears in my eyes. I have just been making +some nice crispy gingerbread to send Mrs. H----, as she has no appetite, +and I thought anything from home would taste good to her. I hope this +will please you. Mother called with me to see her yesterday. She looks +very ill. I have no idea she will ever get well. We had a nice time at +the garden last night. Mr. and Miss Arnold came out and walked with us +nearly an hour, though tea was waiting for them, and Miss A. was very +particularly attentive to me (for your dear sake!), and gave me flowers, +beautiful ones, and spoke with much interest of your sermons. Oh, I am +ready to jump for joy, when I think of seeing you home again. Do please +be glad as I am. I suppose your mother wants you too; but then she can't +love you as I do--I'm sure she can't--with all the children among whom +she has to divide her heart. Give my best love to her and Abby. How I +wish I were in Portland, helping you pack your books. But I can't write +any more as we are going to Mrs. Gibbs' to tea. Mother is reading Hamlet +in her room. She is enjoying herself very much. + +Mrs. Gibbs, whose name occurs in this letter, was one of those +inestimable friends, who fulfill the office of mother, as it were, to +the young minister's wife. She was tenderly attached to Mrs. Prentiss +and her loving-kindness, which was new every morning and fresh every +evening, ceased only with her life. Her husband, the late Capt. Robert +Gibbs, was like her in unwearied devotion to both the pastor and the +pastor's wife. + +The summer was passed in getting settled in her new home, and receiving +visits from old friends. Early in the autumn she spent several weeks in +Portland. After her return, Nov. 2, she writes to Miss Thurston: + +I was in Portland after you had left, and got quite rested and recruited +after my summer's fatigue, so that I came home with health and strength, +if not to lay my hand to the plough, to apply it to the broom-handle and +other articles of domestic warfare. Just what I expected would befall me +has happened. I have got immersed in the whirlpool of petty cares and +concerns which swallow up so many other and higher interests, and +talk as anxiously about good "help" and bad, as the rest of 'em do. I +sometimes feel really ashamed of myself to see how virtuously I fancy I +am spending my time, if in the kitchen, and how it seems to be wasted if +I venture to take up a book. I take it that wives who have no love and +enthusiasm for their husbands are more to be pitied than blamed if they +settle down into mere cooks and good managers.... We have had right +pleasant times since coming home; never pleasanter than when, for a day +or two, I was without "help," and my husband ground coffee and drew +water for me, and thought everything I made tasted good. One of the +deacons of our church--a very old man--prays for me once a week at +meeting, especially that my husband and I may be "mutual comforts and +enjoyments of each other," which makes us laugh a little in our sleeves, +even while we say Amen in our hearts. We have been reading aloud Mary +Howitt's "Author's Daughter," which is a very good story indeed--don't +ask me if I have read anything else. My mind has become a complete +mummy, and therefore incapable of either receiving or originating a new +idea. I did wade through a sea of words, and nonsense on my way home in +the shape of two works of Prof. Wilson--"The Foresters" and "Margaret +Lindsay"--which I fancy he wrote before he was out of his mother's arms +or soon after leaving them. The girls in Portland are marrying off like +all possessed. It reminds me of a shovel full of popcorn, which the more +you watch it the more it won't pop, till at last it all goes racketing +off at once, pop, pop, pop; without your having time to say Jack +Robinson between. + +My position as wife of a minister secures for me many affectionate +attentions, and opens to me many little channels of happiness, which +conspire to make me feel contented and at home here. I do not know how +a stranger would find New Bedford people, but I am inclined to think +society is hard to get into, though its heart is warm when you once do +get in. We are very pleasantly situated, and our married life has been +abundantly blessed. I doubt if we could fail to be contented anywhere if +we had each other to love and care for. + +We went to hear Templeton sing last night. I was perfectly charmed with +his hunting song and with some others, and better judges than I were +equally delighted. I had a letter from Abby last week. She is in +Vicksburg and in fine spirits, and fast returning health. + +Her letters during 1846 glow with the sunshine of domestic peace and +joy. In its earlier months her health was unusually good and she depicts +her happiness as something "wonderful." All the day long her heart, she +says, was "running over" with a love and delight she could not begin +to express. But her letters also show that already she was having +foretastes of that baptism of suffering, which was to fit her for doing +her Master's work. In January she revisited Portland, where she had the +pleasure of meeting Prof, and Mrs. Hopkins with their little boy, and +of passing several weeks in the society of her own and her husband's +family. But Portland had now lost for her much of its attraction. "I've +seen all the folks," she wrote, "and we've said about all we've got to +say to each other, and though I love to be at home, of course, it is not +the home it used to be before you had made such another dear, dear home +for me. Oh, do you miss me? do you feel a _little bit_ sorry you let me +leave you? Do say, yes.... But I can't write, I am so happy! I am so +glad I am going home!" Early in December her first child was born. +Writing a few weeks later to Mrs. Stearns, she thus refers to this +event: + +What a world of new sensations and emotions come with the first child! I +was quite unprepared for the rush of strange feelings--still more so for +the saddening and chastening effect. Why should the world seem more than +ever empty when one has just gained the treasure of a living and darling +child? + +The saddening effect in her own case was owing in part, no doubt, to +anxiety occasioned by the fatal illness of her husband's eldest sister, +to whom she was tenderly attached. The following letter was written +under the pressure of this anxiety: + +_To Miss Thurston, New Bedford, Jan. 31, 1847_ + +I dare say the idea of _Lizzy Payson_ with a _baby_ seems quite funny +to you, as it does to many of the Portland girls; but I assure you it +doesn't seem in the least funny to me, but as natural as life and I may +add, as wonderful, almost. She is a nice little plump creature, with a +fine head of dark hair which I take some comfort in brushing round a +quill to make it curl, and a pair of intelligent eyes, either black or +blue, nobody knows which. I find the care of her very wearing, and have +cried ever so many times from fatigue and anxiety, but now I am getting +a little better and she pays me for all I do. She is a sweet, good +little thing, her chief fault being a tendency to dissipation and +sitting up late o' nights. The ladies of our church have made her a +beautiful little wardrobe, fortunately for me. + +I had a lot of company all summer; my sister, her husband and boy, Mr. +Stearns and Anna, Mother Prentiss, Julia Willis, etc. I had also my last +visit from Abby, whom I little thought then I should never see again. +Our happiness in our little one has been checked by our constant anxiety +with regard to Abby's health, and it is very hard now for me to give up +one who has become in every sense a sister, and not even to have the +privilege of bidding her farewell. George went down about a week since +and will remain till all is over. I do not even know that while I write +she is yet living. She had only one wish remaining and that was to see +George, and she was quite herself the day of his arrival, as also the +day following, and able to say all she desired. Since then she has been +rather unconscious of what was passing, and I fervently trust that by +this time her sufferings are over and that she is where she longed +and prayed to be. [1] You can have no idea how alike are the emotions +occasioned by a birth and a death in the family. They seem equally +solemn to me and I am full of wonder at the mysterious new world into +which I have been thrown. I used to think that the change I saw in +young, giddy girls when they became mothers, was owing to suffering and +care wearing upon the spirits, but I see now that its true source lies +far deeper. My brother H. has been married a couple of months, so I have +one sister more. I shall be glad when they are all married. Some sisters +seem to feel that their brothers are lost to them on their marriage, but +if I may judge by my husband, there is fully as much gain as loss. I am +sure no son or brother could be more devoted to mother and sisters than +he is. Of course the baby is his perfect comfort and delight; but I need +not enlarge on this point, as I suppose you have seen papas with their +first babies. A great sucking of a very small thumb admonishes me that +the little lady in the crib meditates crying for supper, so I must hurry +off my letter. + +Abby Lewis Prentiss died on Saturday, January 30, 1847, at the age +of thirty-two. Long and wearisome sufferings, such as usually attend +pulmonary disease, preceded the final struggle. It was toward the close +of a stormy winter's day, that she gently fell asleep. A little while +before she had imagined herself in a "very beautiful region" which her +tongue in vain attempted to describe, surrounded by those she loved. +Among her last half-conscious utterances was the name of her brother +Seargent. The next morning witnessed a scene of such wondrous splendor +and loveliness as made the presence of Death seem almost incredible. The +snow-fall and mist and gloom had ceased; and as the sun rose, clear and +resplendent, every visible object--the earth, trees, houses--shone as +if enameled with gold and pearls and precious stones. It was the Lord's +day; and well did the aspect of nature symbolise the glory of Him, who +is the Resurrection and the Life. + +On receiving the news of his sister's death, her brother Seargent, +writing to his mother, thus depicted her character: + +My heart bleeds to the core, as I sit down to mingle my tears with +yours, my dear, beloved mother. I can not realise that it is all over; +that I shall never again, in this world, see our dear, dear Abby. +Gladly would I have given my own life to preserve hers. But we have +consolation, even in our extreme grief; for she was so good that we know +she is now in heaven, and freed from all care, unless it be that her +affectionate heart is still troubled for us, whom she loved so well. We +can dwell with satisfaction, after we have overcome the first sharpness +of our grief, upon her angel-like qualities, which made her, long before +she died, fit for the heaven where she now is.... You have lost the +purest, noblest, and best of daughters; I, a sister, who never to my +knowledge did a selfish act or uttered a selfish thought. With the +exception of yourself, dear mother, she was, of all our family circle, +the best prepared to enter her Father's house. + +Some extracts from letters written at this time, will show the +tenderness of Mrs. Prentiss' sisterly love and sympathy, and give a +glimpse also of her thoughts and occupations as a young mother. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, New Bedford, Feb. 17, 1847_ + +If I loved you less, my dear Anna, I could write you twenty letters +where I now can hardly get courage to undertake one. How very dearly +I do love you I never knew, till it rushed upon my mind that we might +sometime lose you as we have lost dear Abby. How mysteriously your and +Mary's and my baby are given us just at this very time, when our hearts +are so sore that we are almost afraid to expose them to new sufferings +by taking in new objects of affection! But it does seem to me a great +mercy that, trying as it is in many respects, these births and this +death come almost hand in hand. Surely we three young mothers have +learned lessons of life that must influence us forever in relation to +these little ones! + +I have been like one in the midst of a great cloud, since the birth +of our baby, entirely unconscious how much I love her; but I am just +beginning to take comfort in and feel sensible affection for her. I long +to show the dear little good creature to you. But I can hardly give up +my long-cherished plans and hopes in regard to Abby's seeing and loving +our first child. Almost as much as I depended on the sympathy and +affection of my own mother in relation to this baby, I was depending on +Abby's. But I rejoice that she is where she is, and would not have her +back again in this world of sin and conflict and labor, for a thousand +times the comfort her presence could give. But you don't know how I +dread going home next summer and not finding her there! It was a great +mercy that you could go down again, dear Anna. And indeed there are +manifold mercies in this affliction--how many we may never know, till we +get home to heaven ourselves and find, perhaps, that this was one of the +invisible powers that helped us on our way thither. I had a sweet little +note from your mother to-day. I would give anything if I could go right +home, and make her adopt me as her daughter by a new adoption, and be a +real blessing and comfort to her in this lonely, dark time. Eddy Hopkins +calls my baby _his_. How children want to use the possessive case in +regard to every object of interest! + +I find the blanket that Mrs. Gibbs knit for me so infinitely preferable, +from its elasticity, to common flannel, that I could not help knitting +one for you. If I say that I have thought as many affectionate thoughts +to you, while knitting it, as it contains stitches, I fancy I speak +nothing but truth and soberness--for I love you now with the love I have +returned on my heart from Abby, who no longer is in want of earthly +friends. Dear little baby thought I was knitting for her special +pleasure, for her bright eyes would always follow the needles as she lay +upon my lap, and she would smile now and then as if thanking me for my +trouble. The ladies have given her an elegant cloak, and Miss Arnold has +just sent her a little white satin bonnet that was made in England, and +is quite unlike anything I ever saw. Only to think, I walked down to +church last Sunday and heard George preach once more! + +_March 3d._--We could with difficulty, and by taking turns, get through +reading your letter--not only because you so accurately describe our own +feelings in regard to dear Abby, but because we feel so keenly for you. +I often detect myself thinking, "Now I will sit down and write Abby a +nice long letter"; or imagining how she will act when we go home with +our baby; and as you say, I dream about her almost every night. I used +always to dream of her as suffering and dying, but now I see her just as +she was when well, and hear her advising this and suggesting that, just +as I did when she was here last summer. Life seems so different now from +what it did! It seems to me that my _youth_ has been touched by Abby's +death, and that I can never be so cheerful and light-hearted as I have +been. But, dear Anna, though I doubt not this is still more the case +with you, and that you see far deeper into the realities of life than I +do, we have both the consolations that are to be found in Christ--and +these will remain to us when the buoyancy and the youthful spirit have +gone from our hearts. + +_March 12th._ ... I had been reading a marriage sermon to George from +"Martyria," and we were having a nice _conjugal_ talk just as your +little stranger was coming into the world. G. is so hurried and driven +that he can not get a moment in which to write. He has a funeral this +afternoon, that of Mrs. H., a lady whom he has visited for two years, +and a part, if not all, of that time once a week. I have made several +calls since I wrote you last--two of them to see babies, one of whom +took the shine quite off of mine with his great blue-black eyes and +eyelashes that lay halfway down his cheeks. + +The latter part of April she visited Portland; while there she wrote to +her husband, April 27: + +Just as I had the baby to sleep and this letter dated, I was called down +to see Dr. and Mrs. Dwight and their little Willie. The baby woke before +they had finished their call, and behaved as prettily and looked as +bright and lovely as heart could wish. Dr. Dwight held her a long time +and kissed her heartily. [2] I got your letter soon after dinner, and +from the haste and the _je ne sais quoi_ with which it was written, I +feared you were not well. Alas, I am full of love and fear. How came you +to _walk_ to Dartmouth to preach? Wasn't it by far too long a walk to +take in one day? I heard Dr. Carruthers on Sunday afternoon. He made the +finest allusion to my father I ever heard and mother thought of it as +I did. To-day I have had a good many callers--among the rest Deacon +Lincoln. [3] When he saw the baby he said, "Oh, what a homely creature. +Do tell if the New Bedford babies are so ugly?" Mrs. S., thinking him in +earnest, rose up in high dudgeon and said, "Why, we think her beautiful, +Deacon Lincoln." "Well, I don't wonder," said he. I expect she will get +measles and everything else, for _lots_ of children come to see her and +eat her up. Mother, baby and I spend to-morrow at your mother's. Do up a +lot of sleeping and grow fat, pray do! And oh, love me and think I am +a darling little wife, and write me loving words in your next letter. +_Wednesday_.--We have a fine day for going up to your mother's. And the +baby is bright as a button and full of fun. Aren't you glad? + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Portland, May 22, 1847_ + +We have just been having a little quiet Saturday evening talk about dear +Abby, as we sat here before the lighting of the lamps, and I dare say +I was not the only one who wished you here too. I came up here from my +mother's on Monday morning and have had a delightful week. I can not +begin to tell you how glad I am that we are going to make you a little +visit on our way home. I do so want to see you and your children, and +show you our darling little baby that I can hardly wait till the time +comes. I suppose you have got your little folks off to bed, and so if +you will take a peep into the parlor here you will see how we are all +occupied--mother in her rocking-chair, with her "specs" on, studying my +Dewees on Children; George toe to toe with her, reading some old German +book, and Lina [4] curled upon the sofa, asleep I fancy, while I sit in +the corner and write you from dear Abby's desk with her pen. Mercy +and Sophia watch over the cradle in the dining-room, where mother's +fifteenth grandchild reposes, unconscious of the honor of sleeping where +honorables, reverends, and reverendesses have slumbered before her. How +strange it seems that _my_ baby is one of this family--bone of their +bone, and flesh of their flesh! I need not say how I miss dear Abby, for +you will see at once that that which was months ago a reality to you, +has just become such to me. It pains me to my heart's core to hear how +she suffered. Dear, dear Abby! how I did love her, and how thankful I +am for her example to imitate and her excellencies to rejoice in! Your +uncle James Lewis [5] spent last night here, and this morning he prayed +a delightful prayer, which really softened my whole soul. I do not +know when I have had my own wants so fervently expressed, or been more +edified at family worship, and his allusion to Abby was very touching. + +The following extracts from letters written to her husband, while he was +absent in Maine, may be thought by some to go a little too much into +the trifling details of daily life and feeling, but do not such details +after all form no small part of the moral warp and woof of human +experience? + +_To her husband New Bedford, August 27th_. + +I heard this morning that old Mrs. Kendrick was threatened with typhus +fever, and went down soon after breakfast to see how she did, and, as I +found Mrs. Henrietta had watched with her and was looking all worn out, +I begged her to let me have her baby this afternoon, that she might have +a chance to rest; so, after dinner, Sophia went down and got her. At +first she set up a lamentable scream, but we huddled on her cloak and +put her with our baby into the carriage and gave them a ride. She is +a _proper_ heavy baby, and my legs ache well with trotting round the +streets after the carriage. Think of me as often as you can and pray for +me, and I will think of you and pray for you all the time. + +_Tuesday Evening_.--You see I am writing you a sort of little journal, +as you say you like to know all I do while you are away. Our sweet baby +makes your absence far less intolerable than it used to be before she +came to comfort me.... I have felt all soul and as if I had no body, +ever since your precious letter came this morning. I have so pleased +myself with imagining how funny and nice it would be if I could creep in +unperceived by you, and hear your oration! I long to know how you got +through, and what Mr. Stearns and Mr. Smith thought of it. I always pray +for you more when you are away than I do when you are at home, because I +know you are interrupted and hindered about your devotions more or less +when journeying. I have had callers a great part of to-day, among them +Mrs. Leonard, Mrs. Gen. Thompson, Mrs. Randall, and Capt. Clark. [6] +Capt. C. asked for nobody but the baby. The little creature almost +sprang into his arms. He was much gratified and held her a long while, +kissing and caressing her. I think it was pretty work for you to go to +reading your oration to your mother and old Mrs. Coe, when you hadn't +read it to me. I felt a terrible pang of jealousy when I came to that in +your letter. I am going now to call on Miss Arnold. + +_Friday, Sept, 3d._--Yesterday forenoon I was _perfectly wretched_. It +came over me, as things will in spite of us, "Suppose he didn't get +safely to Brunswick!" and for several hours I could not shake it off. +It had all the power of reality, and made me so faint that I could do +nothing and fairly had to go to bed. I suppose it was very silly, and +if I had not tried in every way to rise above it might have been even +wicked, but it frightened me to find how much I am under the power of +mere feeling and fancy. But do not laugh at me. Sometimes I say to +myself, "What MADNESS to love any human being so intensely! What would +become of you if he were snatched from you?" and then I think that +though God justly denies us comfort and support for the future, and +bids us lean upon Him _now_ and trust Him for the rest, He can give us +strength for the endurance of His most terrible chastisements when their +hour comes. + +_Saturday._--I am a mere baby when I think of your getting sick in this +time of almost universal sickness and sorrow and death.... Yesterday +Mrs. Gibbs and Mrs. Leonard took me, with Sophia and baby, to the +cemetery, and on a long ride of three hours--all of which was +delightful. In the afternoon baby had an ill-turn which alarmed me +excessively, because so many children are sick, but I gave her medicine +and think she will soon be well again. Mrs. Gibbs and Mrs. Randall and +others sent me yesterday a dozen large peaches, two melons, a lot +of shell-beans and tomatoes, a dish of blackberries and some fried +corn-cakes--not an atom of the whole of which shall I touch, taste, +handle, or smell; so you need not fear my killing myself. Mrs. Capt. +Delano, where the Rev. Mr. Brock from England stayed, has just lost two +children after a few days' illness. They were buried in one coffin. Old +Gideon Howland, the richest man here, is also dead. The papers are full +of deaths. Our dear baby is nine months old to-day, and may God, if He +_sees best_, spare her to us as many more; and if He does not, I feel as +if I could give her up to Him--but we don't know what we can do till +the time comes. I hear her sweet little voice down stairs and it sounds +happy, so I guess she feels pretty comfortable. + +_Sabbath Evening._--The baby is better, and I dare say it is my +imagination that says she looks pale and puny. She is now asleep in your +study, where too I am sitting in your chair. I came down as soon as I +could this morning, and have stayed here all day. It is so quiet and +pleasant among your books and papers, and it was so dull up-stairs! I +thought before your letter came, while standing over the green, grassy +graves of Lizzie Read, Mary Rodman, and Mrs. Cadwell, [7] how I should +love to have dear Abby in such a green, sweet spot, where we could +sometimes go together to talk of her. I must own I should like to be +buried under grass and trees, rather than cold stone and heavy marble. +Should not you? + + * * * * * + +II. + +Birth of a Son. Death of her Mother. Her Grief. Letters. Eddy's Illness +and her own Cares. A Family Gathering at Newburyport. Extracts from +Eddy's Journal. + + +Passing over another year, which was marked by no incidents requiring +special mention, we come again to a birth and a death in close +conjunction. On the 22d of October, 1848, her second child, Edward +Payson, was born. On the 17th of November, her mother died. Of the life +of this child she herself has left a minute record, portions of which +will be given later. In a letter to his sister, dated New Bedford, +November 21st, her husband thus refers to her mother's departure: + +We have just received the sad intelligence of Mother Payson's death. She +passed away very peacefully, as if going to sleep, at half-past five on +Friday afternoon. Dear Lizzy was at first quite overwhelmed, as I knew +she would be--for her attachment to her mother was uncommonly tender and +devoted; but she is now perfectly tranquil and will soon, I trust, be +able to think of her irreparable loss with a melancholy pleasure even. +There is much in the case that is peculiarly fitted to produce a +cheerful resignation. Mrs. Payson has been a severe sufferer; and since +the breaking up of her home in Portland, she has felt, I think, an +increasing detachment from the world. I was exceedingly struck with this +during her visit here last winter. She seemed to me to be fast ripening +for heaven. It is such a comfort to us that she was able to _name_ our +little boy! [8] + +Mrs. Payson died in the 65th year of her age. She was a woman of most +attractive and admirable qualities, full of cheerful life and energy, +and a whole-hearted disciple of Jesus. A few extracts from Mrs. +Prentiss' letters will show how deeply she felt her loss. To her +youngest brother she writes: + +How gladly I would go, if I could, to see you all, and talk over with +you the thousand things that are filling our minds and hearts! We can +not drain this bitter cup at one draught and then go on our way as +though it had never been. The loss of a mother is never made up or +atoned for; and ours was such a mother; so peculiar in her devotion and +tenderness and sympathy! I can not mourn that her sorrowful pilgrimage +is over, can not think for a moment of wishing she were still on earth, +weeping and praying and suffering--but for myself and for you and for +all I mourn with hourly tears. She has sacrificed herself for us. + +To her friend, Miss Lord, she writes, Jan. 31: + +It seems to me that every day and hour I miss my dear mother more and +more, and I feel more and more painfully how much she suffered during +her last years and months. Dear Louise, I thought I knew that she could +not live long, but I never realised it, and even now I keep trying to +hope that she has not really gone. Just in this very spot where I now +sit writing, my dear mother's great easy-chair used to sit, and here, +only a year ago, she was praying for and loving me. O, if I had only +_known_ she was dying then, and could have talked with her about heaven +till it had grown to seeming like a home to which she was going, and +whither I should follow her sooner or later! But it is all over and I +would not have her here again, if the shadow of a wish could restore +her to us. I only earnestly long to be fitting, day by day, to meet +her again in heaven. God has mingled many great mercies with this +affliction, and I do not know that I ever in my life so felt the delight +of praying to and thanking Him. When I begin to pray I have so much to +thank Him for, that I hardly know how to stop. I have always thought +I would not for the universe be left unchastised--and now I feel the +smart, I still can say so. Lotty's visit was a great comfort and service +to me, but I was very selfish in talking to her so much about my own +loss, while she was so great a sufferer under hers. Since she left +my little boy has been worse than ever and pined away last week very +rapidly. You can form no idea, by any description of his sufferings, of +what the dear little creature has undergone since his birth. I feel a +perfect longing to see Portland and mother's many dear friends there, +especially your mother and a few like her. I am very tired as I have +written a great part of this with baby in my lap--so I can write no +more. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Feb. 17, 1849._ + +Dear little Eddy has found life altogether unkind thus far, and I have +had many hours of heartache on his account but I hope he may weather +the storm and come out safely yet. The doctor examined him all over +yesterday, particularly his head, and said he could not make him out a +_sick_ child, but that he thought his want of flesh owing partly to +his sufferings but more to the great loss of sleep occasioned by his +sufferings. Instead of sleeping twelve hours out of the twenty-four, he +sleeps but about seven and that by means of laudanum. Isn't it a mercy +that I have been able to bear so well the fatigue and care and anxiety +of these four hard months? I feel that I have nothing to complain of, +and a _great deal_ to be thankful for. On the whole, notwithstanding my +grief about my dear mother's loss, and my perplexity and distress about +baby, I have had as much real happiness this winter as it is possible +for one to glean in such unfavorable circumstances. _By far_ the +greatest trial I have to contend with, is that of losing all power +to control my time. A little room all of my own, and a regular hour, +morning and night, all of my own would enable me, I think, to say, +"_Now_ let life do its worst!" + +I am no stranger, I assure you, to the misgivings you describe in your +last letter; I think them the result of the _wish_ without the _will_ +to be holy. We pray for sanctification and then are afraid God will +sanctify us by stripping us of our idols and feel distressed lest we +can not have them and Him too. Reading the life of Madame Guyon gave me +great pain and anxiety, I remember. I thought that if such spiritual +darkness and trial as she was in for many years, was a necessary +attendant on eminent piety, I could not summon courage to try to live +such a life. Of all the anguish in the world there is nothing like +this--the sense of God, without the sense of nearness to Him. I wish you +would always "think aloud" when you write to me. I long to see you and +the children and Mr. S., and so does George. Poor G. has had a very hard +time of it ever since little Eddy's birth--so much care and worry and +sleeplessness and labor, and how he is ever to get any rest I don't see. +These are the times that try our souls. Let nobody condole with me about +our _bodies_. It is the struggle to be patient and gentle and cheerful, +when pressed down and worn upon and distracted, that costs us so much. I +think when I have had all my children, if there is anything left of me, +I shall write about the "Battle of Life" more eloquently than Dickens +has done. I had a pleasant dream about mother and Abby the other night. +They came together to see me and both seemed so well and so happy! I +feel _perfectly happy_ now, that my dear mother has gone home. + +_To the Same, May 7, 1849._ + +I used to think it hard to be sick when I had dear mother hanging over +me, doing all she could for my relief, but it is harder to be denied the +poor comfort of being let alone and to have to drag one's self out of +bed to take care of a baby. Mr. Stearns must know how to pity me, for my +real sick headaches are very like his, and when racked with pain, dizzy, +faint and exhausted with suffering, starvation and sleeplessness, it is +terrible to have to walk the room with a crying child! I thought as I +lay, worn out even to childishness, obliged for the baby's sake to have +a bright sunlight streaming into the chamber, and to keep my eyes and +ears on the alert for the same cause, how still we used to think the +house must be left when my father had these headaches and how mother +busied herself all day long about him, and how nice his little plate of +hot steak used to look, as he sat up to eat it when the sickness had +gone--and how I am suffering here all alone with nobody to give me even +a look of encouragement. George was out of town on my sickest day. When +he was at home he did everything in the world he could do to keep the +children still, but here they must be and I must direct about every +trifle and have them on the bed with me. I am getting desperate and feel +disposed to run furiously in the traces till I drop dead on the way. +Don't think me very wicked for saying so. I am jaded in soul and body +and hardly know what I do want. If T. comes, George, at all events, will +get relief and that will take a burden from my mind.... I want Lina to +come this summer. There is a splendid swing on iron hooks under a tree, +at the house we are going to move into. Won't that be nice for Jeanie +and Mary's other children, if they come? I wish I had a little fortune, +not for myself but to gather my "folks" together with. I shall not write +you, my dear, another complaining letter; do excuse this. + +This letter shows the extremity of her trouble; but it is a picture, +merely. The reality was something beyond description; only young +mothers, who know it by experience, can understand its full meaning. +Now, however, the storm for a while abated. The young relative, whose +loving devotion had ministered to the comfort of her dying mother, came +to her own relief and passed the next six months at New Bedford, helping +take care of Eddy. In the course of the spring, too, his worst symptoms +disappeared and hope took the place of fear and despondency. Referring +to this period, his mother writes in Eddy's journal: + +On the Saturday succeeding his birth, we heard of my dear mother's +serious illness, and, when he was about three weeks old, of her death. +We were not surprised that his health suffered from the shock it thus +received. He began at once to be affected with distressing colic, which +gave him no rest day or night. His father used to call him a "little +martyr," and such indeed he was for many long, tedious months. On the +16th of February, the doctor came and spent two hours in carefully +investigating his case. He said it was a most trying condition of +things, and he would gladly do something to relieve me, as he thought +I had been through "enough to _kill ten men_." ... When Eddy was about +eight months old, the doctor determined to discontinue the use of +opiates. He was now a fine, healthy baby, bright-eyed and beautiful, and +his colic was reducing itself to certain seasons on each day, instead of +occupying the whole day and night as heretofore. We went through fire +and water almost in trying to procure for him natural sleep. We swung +him in blankets, wheeled him in little carts, walked the room with +him by the hour, etc., etc., but it was wonderful how little sleep he +obtained after all. He always looked wide awake and as if he did not +_need_ sleep. His eyes had gradually become black, and when, after a day +of fatigue and care with him he would at last close them, and we would +flatter ourselves that now we too should snatch a little rest, we would +see them shining upon us in the most amusing manner with an expression +of content and even merriment. About this time he was baptized. I well +remember how in his father's study, and before taking him to church, +we gave him to God. He was very good while his papa was performing the +ceremony, and looked so bright and so well, that many who had never seen +him in his state of feebleness, found it hard to believe he had been +aught save a vigorous and healthy child. My own health was now so broken +down by long sleeplessness and fatigue, that it became necessary for me +to leave home for a season. Dr. Mayhew promised to run in _every day_ to +see that all went well with Eddy. His auntie was more than willing to +take this care upon herself, and many of our neighbors offered to go +often to see him, promising to do everything for his safety and comfort +if I would only go. Not aware how miserable a state I was in, I resolved +to be absent only one week, but was away for a whole month. + +A part of the month, with her husband and little daughter, she passed at +Newburyport. His brother, S. S. Prentiss--whose name was then renowned +all over the land as an orator and patriot--had come North for the +last time, bringing his wife and children with him. It was a +never-to-be-forgotten family gathering under the aged mother's roof. + +On my return (she continues in Eddy's journal) I found him looking +finely. He had had an ill-turn owing to teething which they had kept +from me, but had recovered from it and looked really beautiful. His +father and uncle S. S. had been to see him once during our vacation, +and we were now expecting them again with his Aunt Mary and her three +children and his grandmother. We depended a great deal on seeing Eddy +and Una together, as she was his _twin_ cousin and only a few hours +older than he. But on the very evening of their arrival he was taken +sick, and, although they all saw him that night looking like himself, by +the next morning he had changed sadly. He grew ill and lost flesh and +strength very fast, and no remedies seemed to have the least effect on +his disorder, which was one induced by teething.... For myself I did not +believe anything could now save my precious baby, and had given him to +God so unreservedly, that I was not conscious of even a wish for his +life.... When at last we saw evident tokens of returning health and +strength, we felt that we received him a second time as from the grave. +To me he never seemed the same child. My darling Eddy was lost to me and +another--_and yet the same_--filled his place. I often said afterward +that a little stranger was running about my nursery, not mine, but +God's. Indeed, I can't describe the peculiar feelings with which I +always regarded him after this sickness, nor how the thought constantly +met me, "He is not mine; he is God's." Every night I used to thank Him +for sparing him to me one day longer; thus truly enjoying him _a day at +a time_. + +An extract from a letter to Miss Lord, written on the anniversary of her +mother's death, will close the account of this year. + +If I were in Portland now, I should go right down to see you. I feel +just like having a dear, old-fashioned talk with you. I was thinking how +many times death had entered that old Richmond circle of which you and I +once formed a part; Mrs. Persico, Susan, Charlotte Ford, Kate Kennedy, +and now our own dearest Lotty, all gone. I can not tell you how much I +miss and grieve for Lotty. [9] I can not be thankful enough that I went +to Portland in the summer and had that last week with her, nor for her +most precious visit here last winter. Whenever you think of any little +thing she said, I want you to write it down for me, no matter whether +it seems worth writing or not. I know by experience how precious such +things are. This is a sad day to me. Indeed, all of this month has been +so, recalling as it has done, all I was suffering at this time last +year, and all my dear mother was then suffering. I can hardly realise +that she has been in heaven a whole year, and that I feel her loss as +vividly as if it were but yesterday--indeed, more so. I do not feel that +this affliction has done me the good that it ought to have done and that +I hoped it would. As far as I have any excuse it lies in my miserable +health. I want so much to be more of a Christian; to live a life of +constant devotion. Do tell me, when you write, if you have such troubled +thoughts, and such difficulty in being steadfast and unmovable? Oh, how +I sigh for the sort of life I led in Richmond, and which was more or +less the life of the succeeding years at home! My husband tries to +persuade me that the difference is more in my way of life, and that then +being my time for contemplation, now is my time for action. But I know, +myself, that I have lost ground. You must bear me in mind when you pray, +my dear Louise, for I never had so much need of praying nor so little +time or strength for it. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Further Extracts from Eddy's Journal. Ill-health. Visit to Newark. Death +of her Brother-in-law, S. S. Prentiss. His Character. Removal to Newark. +Letters. + +The record of the new year opens with this entry in Eddy's journal: + + +_January, 1850._--Eddy is now fourteen months old, has six teeth, and +walks well, but with timidity. He is, at times, really beautiful. He is +very affectionate, and will run to meet me, throw his little arms round +my neck and keep pat-pat-patting me, with delight. Miss Arnold sent him, +at New Year's, a pretty ball, with which he is highly pleased. He rolls +it about by knocking it with a stick, and will shout for joy when he +sees it moving. He is _crazy_ to give everybody something, and when he +is brought down to prayers, hurries to get the Bible for his father, his +little face all smiles and exultation, and his body in a quiver with +emotion. He is like lightning in all his movements, and is never still +for an instant. It is worth a good deal to see his face, it is so +_brimful_ of life and sunshine and gladness. + +Her letters, written during the winter and spring, show how in the midst +of bodily suffering, depression, and sorrow her views of life were +changing and her faith in God growing stronger. Three of her brothers +were now in California, seeking their fortunes in the newly-discovered +gold mines. To one of them she writes, March 10th: + +I was delighted yesterday by the reception of your letter. I do not +wonder that Lotty's death affected you as it did--but however sharp the +instruments by which these lessons come to us, they are full of good +when they do come. As I look back to the time when I did not know what +death was doing and could do, I seem to myself like a child who has not +yet been to school. The deaths of our dear mother and of Lotty have +taken fast hold of me. Life is _entirely changed_. I do not say this +in a melancholy or repining temper, for I would not have life appear +otherwise than in its true light. All my sickly, wicked disgust with it +has been put to the blush and driven away. I see now that to live for +God, whether one is allowed ability to be actively useful or not, is a +great thing, and that it is a wonderful mercy to be allowed to live and +suffer even, if thereby one can glorify Him. I desire to live if it is +God's will, though I confess heaven looks most attractive when either +sin, sorrow, or sickness weary me. But I must not go on at this rate, +for I could not in writing begin to tell you how different everything +looks as I advance into a knowledge of life and see its awful sorrows +and sufferings and changes and know that I am subject to all its laws, +soon to take my turn in its mysterious close. My dear brother, let us +learn by heart the lessons we are learning, and go in their strength +and wisdom all our days.... Our children are well. Eddy has gone to be +weighed (he weighed twenty-four pounds). He is a fine little fellow. +I have his nurse still, and ought to be in excellent health, but am +a nervous old thing, as skinny and bony as I can be. I can think of +nothing but birds' claws when I look at my hands. But I have so much to +be thankful for in my dear husband and my sweet little children, and +love all of you so dearly, that I believe I am as rich as if I had the +flesh and strength of a giant. I am going this week to hear Miss Arnold +read a manuscript novel. This will give spice to my life. Warmest love +to you all. + +Again, May 10th, she writes: + +It would be a great pleasure to me to keep a journal for you if I were +well enough, but I am not. I have my sick headache now once a week, and +it makes me really ill for about three days. Towards night of the third +day I begin to brighten up and to eat a morsel, but hardly recover my +strength before I have another pull-down, just as I had got to this +point the door-bell rang, and lo! a beautiful May-basket hanging on the +latch for "Annie," full of pretty and good things. I can hardly wait +till morning to see how her eyes will shine and her little feet fly when +she sees it. George has been greatly distressed about S. S., and has, I +think, very little, if any, hope that he will recover. Dr. Tappan [10] +spent Tuesday night here. We had a really delightful visit from him. He +spoke highly of your classmate, Craig, who is just going to be married. +He told us a number of pleasant anecdotes about father. Eddy has got big +enough to walk in the street. He looks like a little picture, with his +great forehead and bright eyes. He is in every way as large as most +children are at two years. His supreme delight is to tease A. by making +believe strike her or in some other real boy's hateful way. She and he +play together on the grass-plat, and I feel quite matronly as I sit +watching them with their balls and wheel-barrows and whatnots. This +little scamp has, I fear, broken my constitution to pieces. It makes me +crawl all over when I think of you three fagging all day at such dull +and unprofitable labor. But I am sure Providence will do what is really +best for you all. We think and talk of and pray for you every day and +more than once a day, and, in all my ill-health and sufferings, the +remembrance of you is pleasant and in great measure refreshing. I +depend more upon hearing from you all than I can describe. What an +unconquerable thing family affection is! + +She thus writes, May 30th, to her old Portland friend, Miss Lord: + +I have written very few letters and not a line of anything else the +past winter, owing to the confusion my mind is in most of the time from +distress in my head. Three days out of every seven I am as sick as I +well can be--the rest of the time languid, feeble, and exhausted by +frequent faint turns, so that I can't do the smallest thing in my +family. I hardly know what it is so much as to put a clean apron on to +one of my children. To me this is a constant pain and weariness; for +our expense in the way of servants is greater than we can afford and +everything is going to destruction under my face and eyes, while I dare +not lift a finger to remedy it. I live in constant alternations of hope +and despondency about my health. Whenever I feel a little better, as I +do to-day, I am sanguine and cheerful, but the next ill-turn depresses +me exceedingly. I don't think there is any special danger of my dying, +but there is a good deal of my getting run down beyond the power of +recovery, and of dragging out that useless existence of which I have a +perfect horror. But I would not have you think I am not happy; for I can +truly say that I _am_, most of the time, as happy as I believe one can +be in this world. All my trials and sufferings shut me up to the one +great Source of peace, and I know there has been need of every one of +them. + +I have not yet made my plans for the summer. Our doctor urges me to go +away from the children and from the salt water, but I do not believe it +would do me a bit of good. I want you to see my dear little boy. He is +now nineteen months old and as fat and well as can be. He is a beautiful +little fellow, we think, and very interesting. He is as gallant to A. +as you please, and runs to get a cushion for her when their supper is +carried in, and won't eat a morsel himself till he sees her nicely +fixed. George has gone to Boston, and I am lonely enough. I would write +another sheet if I dared, but I don't dare. + +What she here says of her happiness, amidst the trials of the previous +winter, is repeated a little later in a letter to her husband: + +I can truly say I have not spent a happier winter since our marriage, in +spite of all my sickness. It seems to me I can never recover my spirits +and be as I have been in my best days, but what I lose in one way +perhaps I shall gain in another. Just think how my ambition has been +crushed at every point by my ill-health, and even the ambition to be +useful and a comfort to those about me trampled underfoot, to teach me +what I could not have learned in any other school! + +In the month of June she went on a visit to Newark, New Jersey, where +her husband's mother and sister now resided; Dr. Stearns having in the +fall of 1849 accepted a call to the First Presbyterian church in that +city. While she was in Newark news came of the dangerous illness, and, +soon after, of the death at Natchez of her brother-in-law, Mr. S. S. +Prentiss. The event was a great shock to her, and she knew that it would +be a crushing blow to her husband. Her letters to him, written at this +time, are full of the tender love and sympathy that infuse solace into +sorrow-stricken hearts. Here is an extract from one of them, dated July +11th: + +I can't tell you how it grieves and distresses me to have had this +long-dreaded affliction come upon you when you were alone. Though I +could do so little to comfort you, it seems as if I _must_ be near +you.... But I know I am doing right in staying here--doing as you would +tell me to do, if I could have your direct wish, and you don't know how +thankful I am that it has pleased God to let me be with dear mother at a +time when she so needed constant affection and sympathy. Yes there are +wonderful mercies with this heavy affliction, and we all see and feel +them. Poor mother has borne all the dreadful suspense and then the +second blow of to-day far better than any of us dared to hope, but she +weeps incessantly. Anna is with her all she can possibly be, and Mr. +Stearns is an angel of mercy. I have prayed for you a great deal this +week, and I know God is with you, comforts you, and will enable you to +bear this great sorrow. And yet I can't help feeling that I want to +comfort you myself. Oh, may we all reap its blessed fruits as long as we +live! Let us withdraw a while from everything else, that we may press +nearer to God. + +We were in a state of terrible suspense all day Tuesday, all day +Wednesday, and until noon to-day; starting at every footfall, expecting +telegraphic intelligence either from you or from the South, and +deplorably ignorant of Seargent's alarming condition, notwithstanding +all the warning we had had. With one consent we had put far off the evil +day.... And now I must bid you good-night, my dearest husband, praying +that you may be the beloved of the Lord and rest in safety by Him. + +The early years of Mrs. Prentiss' married life were in various ways +closely connected with that of this lamented brother; so much so that he +may be said to have formed one of the most potent, as well as one of the +sunniest, influences in her own domestic history. Not only was he very +highly gifted, intellectually, and widely known as a great orator, but +he was also a man of extraordinary personal attractions, endeared to all +his friends by the sweetness of his disposition, by his winning ways, +his wit, his playful humor, his courage, his boundless generosity, his +fraternal and filial devotion, and by the charm of his conversation. His +death at the early age of forty-one called forth expressions of profound +sorrow and regret from the first men of the nation. After the lapse of +nearly a third of a century his memory is still fresh and bright in the +hearts of all, who once knew and loved him. [11] + +Notwithstanding the shock of this great affliction, Mrs. Prentiss +returned to New Bedford much refreshed in body and mind. In a letter to +her friend Miss Lord, dated September 14th, she writes: + +I spent six most profitable weeks at Newark; went out very little, saw +very few people, and had the quiet and retirement I had long hungered +and thirsted for. Since I have had children my life has been so +distracted with care and sickness that I have sometimes felt like giving +up in despair, but this six weeks' rest gave me fresh courage to start +anew. I have got some delightful books--Manning's Sermons. [12] They are +(letting the High-churchism go) most delightful; I think Susan would +have feasted on them. But she is feasting on angels' food and has need +of none of these things. + +In October of this year Mrs. Prentiss bade adieu to New Bedford, +never to revisit it, and removed to Newark; her husband having become +associate pastor of the Second Presbyterian church in that place. In the +spring of the following year he accepted a call to the Mercer street +Presbyterian church in New York, and that city became her home the +rest of her days. Although she tarried so short a time in Newark, she +received much kindness and formed warm friendships while there. She +continued to suffer much, however, from ill-health and almost entirely +suspended her correspondence. A few letters to New Bedford friends +are all that relate to this period. In one to Mrs. J. P. Allen, dated +November 2d, she thus refers to an accident, which came near proving +fatal: + +Yesterday we went down to New York to hear Jenny Lind; a pleasure to +remember for the rest of one's life. If anything, she surpassed our +expectations. In coming home a slight accident to the cars obliged us to +walk about a mile, and I must needs fall into a hole in the bridge which +we were crossing, and bruise and scrape one knee quite badly. The wonder +is that I did not go into the river, as it was a large hole, and pitch +dark. I think if I had been walking with Mr. Prentiss I should not only +have gone in myself, but pulled him in too; but I had the arm of a +stronger man, who held me up till I could extricate myself. You can't +think how I miss you, nor how often I wish you could run in and sit with +me, as you used to do. I have always loved you, and shall remember you +and yours with the utmost interest. We had a pleasant call the other day +from Captain Gibbs. Seeing him made me homesick enough. I could hardly +keep from crying all the time he stayed. It seems to us both as if +we had been gone from New Bedford more months than we have days. Mr. +Prentiss said yesterday that he should expect if he went back directly, +to see the boys and girls grown up and married. + +_To Mrs. Reuben Nye, Newark, Feb 12, 1851._ + +Mr. Prentiss and Mr. Poor have just taken Annie and Eddy out to walk, +and I have been moping over the fire and thinking of New Bedford +friends, and wishing one or more would "happen in." I am just now +getting over a severe attack of rheumatism, which on leaving my back +intrenched itself in Mr. P.'s shoulder. I dislike this climate and am +very suspicious of it. Everybody has a horrible cold, or the rheumatism, +or fever and ague. Mr. Prentiss says if I get the latter, he shall be +off for New England in a twinkling. I think he is as well as can be +expected while the death of his brother continues so fresh in his +remembrance. All the old cheerfulness, which used to sustain me amid +sickness and trouble, has gone from him. But God has ordered the iron to +enter his soul, and it is not for me to resist that will. Our children +are well. We have had much comfort in them both this winter. Mother +Prentiss is renewing her youth, it is so pleasant to her to have us all +near her. (Eddy and A. are hovering about me, making such a noise that I +can hardly write. Eddy says, "When I was tired, _Poor_ tarried me.") Mr. +Poor carries all before him. [13] He is _very_ popular throughout +the city, and I believe Mrs. P. is much admired by their people. Mr. +Prentiss is preaching every Sabbath evening, as Dr. Condit is able to +preach every morning now. I feel as much at home as I possibly could +anywhere in the same time, but instead of mourning less for my New +Bedford friends, I mourn more and more every day. + +To Mrs. Allen she writes, Feb. 21: + +I know all about those depressed moods, when it costs one as much to +smile, or to give a pleasant answer, as it would at other times to make +a world. What a change it will be to us poor sickly, feeble, discouraged +ones, when we find ourselves where there is neither pain or lassitude or +fatigue of the body, or sorrow or care or despondency of the mind! + +I miss you more and more. People here are kind and excellent and +friendly, but I can not make them, as yet, fill the places of the +familiar faces I have left in New Bedford. I am all the time walking +through our neighborhood, dropping into Deacon Barker's or your house, +or welcoming some of you into our old house on the corner. Eddy is +pretty well. He is a sweet little boy, gentle and docile. He learns to +talk very fast, and is crazy to learn hymns. He says, "Tinkle, tinkle +_leetleeverybody_, and give 'tatoes to beggar boys." Mother Prentiss +seems to _thrive_ on having us all about her. She lives so far off that +I see her seldom, but Mr. P. goes every day, except Sundays, when +he can't go--rain or shine, tired or not tired, convenient or not +convenient. Since my mother's death he has felt that he must do quickly +whatever he has to do for his own. + + +[1] "I found dear Abby still alive and rejoiced beyond expression to see +me. She had had a very feeble night, but brightened up towards noon and +when I arrived seemed entirely like her old self, smiling sweetly and +exclaiming, "This is the last blessing I desired! Oh, how good the Lord +is, isn't He?" It was very delightful. The doctor has just been in and +he says she may go any instant, and yet may live a day or two. Mother is +wonderfully calm and happy, and the house seems like the very gate of +heaven.... I so wish you could have seen Abby's smile when I entered her +room. And then she inquired so affectionately for you and baby: "Now +tell me everything about them." She longs and prays to be gone. There +is something perfectly childlike about her expressions and feelings, +especially toward mother. She can't bear to have her leave the room and +holds her hand a good deal of the time. She sends ever so much love."-- +_Extract from a letter, dated Portland, January 27, 1847._ + +[2] The late Rev. William T. Dwight, D.D., pastor of the Third Church in +Portland. He was a son of President Dwight, an accomplished man, a noble +Christian citizen, and one of the ablest preachers of his day. For many +years his house almost adjoined Mrs. Payson's, and both he and Mrs. +Dwight were among her most cherished friends. + +[3] A devoted friend of her father's, one of his deacons, and a genial, +warm-hearted, good man. + +[4] A niece of her husband, a lovely child, who died a few years later +in Georgia. + +[5] Rev. James Lewis, a venerated elder and local preacher of the +Methodist Episcopal Church, then nearly eighty years of age. He died +in 1855, universally beloved and lamented. He entered upon his work in +1800. During most of those fifty-five years he was wont to preach every +Sabbath, often three times, rarely losing an appointment by sickness, +and still more rarely by storms in summer or winter. He lived in Gorham, +Maine, and his labors were pretty equally divided among all the towns +within fifteen miles round. His rides out and back, often over the +roughest roads or through heavy snows, averaged, probably, from fifteen +to twenty miles. It was estimated that he had officiated at not less +than 1,500 funerals, sometimes riding for the purpose forty miles. His +funeral and camp-meeting sermons included, he could not have preached +less than from 8,000 to 9,000 times. He never received a dollar of +compensation for his ministerial services. Though a hard-working farmer, +his hospitality to his itinerant brethren was unbounded. In several +towns of Cumberland and adjoining counties, he was the revered +patriarch, as half a century earlier he had been the youthful pioneer of +Methodism. When he departed to be with Christ, there was no better man +in all the State to follow after him. + +[6] One of a number of old whaling captains in her husband's +congregation, in whom she was interested greatly. They belonged to +a class of men _sui generis_--men who had traversed all oceans, +had visited many lands, and were as remarkable for their jovial +large-hearted, social qualities, when at home, as for their indomitable +energy, Yankee push, and adventurous seamanship, when hunting the +monsters of the deep on the other side of the globe. + +[7] Two bright girls and a young mother, who had died not long before. + +[8] Her sickness lasted six weeks, dating from the day of her being +entirely confined to bed. Her life was prolonged much beyond what her +physicians or any one else who saw her, had believed possible. During +the last week her sufferings were less, and she lay quiet part of the +time. Friday morning she had an attack of faintness, in the course of +which she remarked "I am dying." She recovered and before noon sank +into a somnolent state from which she never awoke. Her breathing became +softer and fainter till it ceased at half-past five in the afternoon. +Oh, what a transition was that! from pain and weariness and woe to the +world of light! to the presence of the Saviour! to unclouded bliss! I +felt, and so I believe did all assembled round her bed, that it was time +for exultation rather than grief. We could not think of ourselves, so +absorbed were we in contemplation of her happiness. She was able to say +scarcely anything during her sickness, and left not a single message +for the absent children, or directions to those who were present. Her +extreme weakness, and the distressing effect of every attempt to speak, +made her abandon all such attempts except in answer to questions. But +the tenor of her replies to all inquiries was uniform, expressing entire +acquiescence in the will of God, confidence in Him through Christ, and +a desire to depart as soon as He should permit. Tranquillity and peace, +unclouded by a single doubt or fear, seem to have filled her mind. There +were several reasons which led us to decide that the interment should +take place here; but on the following Saturday a gentleman arrived from +Portland, sent by the Second Parish to remove the remains to that place, +if we made no objection. As we made none, the body was disinterred and +taken to P., my brother G. accompanying it. So that her mortal remains +now rest with those of my dear father.--_Letter from Mrs. Hopkins to her +aunt in New Haven, dated Williamstown, Dec. 1, 1848._ + +[9] The wife of her brother, Mr. Henry M. Payson. + +[10] The Rev. Benjamin Tappan, D.D., an old friend of her father's and +one of the patriarchs of the Maine churches. + +[11] See appendix B, p. 534, for a brief sketch of his life. + +[12] Sermons by Henry Edward Manning, Archdeacon of Chichester (now +Cardinal Manning), 1st, 2d, and 3d Series. + +[13] The Rev. D. W. Poor, D.D., now of Philadelphia. He had been settled +at Fair Haven, near New Bedford, and was then a pastor in Newark. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +IN THE SCHOOL OF SUFFERING. + +1851-1858. + +I. + +Removal to New York and first Summer there. Letters. Loss of Sleep and +Anxiety about Eddy. Extracts from Eddy's Journal, describing his last +Illness and Death. Lines entitled "To my Dying Eddy." + + +Mrs. Prentiss' removal to New York was an important link in the chain +of outward events which prepared her for her special life-work. It +introduced her at once into a circle unsurpassed, perhaps, by any other +in the country, for its intelligence, its domestic and social virtues, +and its earnest Christian spirit. The Mercer street Presbyterian church +contained at that time many members whose names were known and honored +the world over, in the spheres of business, professional life, +literature, philanthropy, and religion; and among its homes were some +that seemed to have attained almost the perfection of beauty. In these +homes the new pastor's wife soon became an object of tender love and +devotion. Here she found herself surrounded by all congenial influences. +Her mind and heart alike were refreshed and stimulated in the healthiest +manner. And to add to her joy, several dear old friends lived near her +and sat in adjoining pews on the Sabbath. + +But happy as were the auspices that welcomed her to New York, the +experience of the past two years had taught her not to expect too much +from any outward conditions. She entered, therefore, upon this new +period of her life in a very sober mood. Nor had many months elapsed +before she began to hear premonitory murmurs of an incoming sea of +trouble. Most of the summer of 1851 she remained in town with the +children. An extract from a letter to her youngest brother, dated August +1, will show how she whiled away many a weary hour: + +It has been very hot this summer; our house is large and cool, and above +all, I have a nice bathing-room opening out of my chamber, with hot and +cold water and a shower-bath, which is a world of comfort. We spent part +of last week at Rockaway, L. I., visiting a friend. [1] I nearly froze +to death, but George and the children were much benefited. I have +improved fast in health since we came here. Yesterday I walked two and a +half miles with George, and a year ago at this time I could not walk a +quarter of a mile without being sick after it for some days. When I +feel miserably I just put on my bonnet and get into an omnibus and go +rattlety-bang down town; the air and the shaking and the jolting and the +sight-seeing make me feel better and so I get along. If I could safely +leave my children I should go with George. He hates to go alone and +surely I hate to be left alone; in fact instead of liking each other's +society less and less, we every day get more and more dependent on each +other, and take separation harder and harder. Our children are well. + +To her husband, who had gone to visit an old friend, at Harpswell, on +the coast of Maine, she writes a few days later: + +On Saturday very early Professor Smith called with the House of Seven +Gables. I read about half of it in the evening. One sees the hand of the +_artist_ as clearly in such a work as in painting, and the hand of a +skilful one, too. I have read many books with more interest, but never +one in which I was so diverted from the story to a study of the author +himself. So far there is nothing exciting in it. I don't know who +supplied the pulpit on Sunday morning. The sermon was to young men, +which was not so appropriate as it might have been, considering there +were no young men present, unless I except our Eddy and other sprigs of +humanity of his age. I suppose you will wonder what in the world I let +Eddy go for. Well, I took a fancy to let Margaret try him, as nobody +would know him in the gallery and he coaxed so prettily to go. He was +highly excited at the permission, and as I was putting on his sacque, I +directed Margaret to take it off if he fell asleep. "Ho! I shan't go to +sleep," quoth he; "Christ doesn't have rocking-chairs in His house." He +set off in high spirits, and during the long prayer I heard him laugh +loud; soon after I heard a rattling as of a parasol and Eddy saying, +"There it is!" by which time Margaret, finding he was going to begin a +regular frolic, sagely took him out. + +_August 7th_--The five girls from Brooklyn all spent yesterday here. +They had a regular frolic towards night, bathing and shower-bathing. +Afterwards we all went on top of the house. It was very pleasant up +there. I took the children to Barnum's Museum, as I proposed doing. They +were delighted, particularly with the "Happy Family," which consisted of +cats, rats, birds, dogs, rabbits, monkeys, etc., etc., dwelling together +in unity. I observed that though the cats forbore to lay a paw upon +the rats and mice about them, they yet took a melancholy pleasure in +_looking_ at these dainty morsels, from which nothing could persuade +them to turn off their eyes. I am glad that you got away from New +Bedford alive and that you did not stay longer, but hearing about our +friends there made me quite long to see them myself. Do have just the +best time in the world at Harpswell, and don't let the Rev. Elijah drown +you for the sake of catching your mantle as you go down. I dare not tell +you how much I miss you, lest you should think I do not rejoice in your +having this vacation. May God bless and keep you. + +During the autumn she suffered much again from feeble health and +incessant loss of sleep. "I have often thought," she wrote to a friend, +"that while so stupefied by sickness I should not be glad to see my own +mother if I had to speak to her." But neither sick days nor sleepless +nights could quench the Brightness of her spirit or wholly spoil her +enjoyment of life. A little diary which she kept contains many gleams of +sunshine, recording pleasant visits from old friends, happy hours and +walks with the children, excursions to Newark, and how "amazingly" she +"enjoyed the boys" (her brothers) on their return from the pursuit of +golden dreams in California. In the month of November the diary shows +that her watchful eye observed in Eddy signs of disease, which filled +her with anxiety. Before the close of the year her worst fears began +to be realised. She wrote, Dec. 31: "I am under a constant pressure of +anxiety about Eddy. How little we know what the New Year will bring +forth." Early in January, 1852, his symptoms assumed a fatal type, and +on the 16th of the same month the beautiful boy was released from his +sufferings, and found rest in the kingdom of heaven, that sweet home of +the little children. A few extracts from Eddy's journal will tell the +story of his last days: + +On the 19th of December the Rev. Mr. Poor was here. On hearing of it, +Eddy said he wanted to see him. As he took now so little interest in +anything that would cost him an effort, I was surprised, but told Annie +to lead him down to the parlor; on reaching it they found Mr. Poor not +there, and they then went up to the study. I heard their father's joyous +greeting as he opened his door for them, and how he welcomed Eddy, in +particular, with a perfect shower of kisses and caresses. This was the +last time the dear child's own feet ever took him there; but his father +afterwards frequently carried him up in his arms and amused him with +pictures, especially with what Eddy called the "bear books." [2] One +morning Ellen told him she was going to make a little pie for his +dinner, but on his next appearance in the kitchen told him she had let +it burn all up in the oven, and that she felt _dreadfully_ about it. +"Never mind, Ellie," said he, "mamma does not like to have me eat pie; +but when I _get well_ I shall have as many as I want." + +On the 24th of December Mr. Stearns and Anna were here. I was out with +the latter most of the day; on my return Eddy came to me with a little +flag which his uncle had given him, and after they had left us he ran +up and down with it, and as my eye followed him, I thought he looked +happier and brighter and more like himself than I had seen him for a +long time. He kept saying, "Mr. Stearns gave me this flag!" and then +would correct himself and say, "I mean my _Uncle_ Stearns." On this +night he hung up his bag for his presents, and after going to bed, +surveyed it with a chuckle of pleasure peculiar to him, and finally fell +asleep in this happy mood. I took great delight in arranging his and +A.'s presents, and getting them safely into their bags. He enjoyed +Christmas as much as I had reason to expect he would, in his state of +health, and was busy among his new playthings all day. He had taken a +fancy within a few weeks to kneel at family prayers with me at my chair, +and would throw one little arm round my neck, while with the other hand +he so prettily and seriously covered his eyes. As their heads touched my +face as they knelt, I observed that Eddy's felt hot when compared with +A.'s; just enough so to increase my uneasiness. On entering the nursery +on New Year's morning, I was struck with his appearance as he lay in +bed; his face being spotted all over. On asking Margaret about it, she +said he had been crying, and that this occasioned the spots. This did +not seem probable to me, for I had never seen anything of this kind on +his face before. How little I knew that these were the last tears my +darling would ever shed. + +On Sunday morning, January 4, not being able to come himself, Dr. Buck +sent Dr. Watson in his place. I told Dr. W. that I thought Eddy had +water on the brain; he said it was not so, and ordered nothing but a +warm bath. On Thursday, January 8, while Margaret was at dinner, I knelt +by the side of the cradle, rocking it very gently, and he asked me to +tell him a story. I asked what about, and he said, "A little boy," on +which I said something like this: Mamma knows a dear little boy who was +very sick. His head ached and he felt sick all over. God said, I must +let that little lamb come into my fold; then his head will never ache +again, and he will be a very happy little lamb. I used the words little +lamb because he was so fond of them. Often he would run to his nurse +with his face full of animation and say, "Marget! Mamma says I am her +little lamb!" While I was telling him this story his eyes were fixed +intelligently on my face. I then said, "Would you like to know the name +of this boy?" With eagerness he said, "Yes, yes, mamma!" Taking his dear +little hand in mine, and kissing it, I said, "It was Eddy." Just then +his nurse came in and his attention was diverted, so I said no more. + +On Sunday, January 11, at noon, while they were all at dinner, I was +left alone with my darling for a few moments, and could not help kissing +his unconscious lips. To my utter amazement he looked up and plainly +recognised me and warmly returned my kiss. Then he said feebly, but +distinctly twice, "I want some meat and potato." I do not think I should +have been more delighted if he had risen from the dead, once more to +recognise me. Oh, it was _such_ a comfort to have one more kiss, and to +be able to gratify one more wish! + +On Friday, January 16th, his little weary sighs became more profound, +and, as the day advanced, more like groans; but appeared to indicate +extreme fatigue, rather than severe pain. Towards night his breathing +became quick and laborious, and between seven and eight slight spasms +agitated his little feeble frame. He uttered cries of distress for a few +minutes, when they ceased, and his loving and gentle spirit ascended to +that world where thousands of holy children and the blessed company of +angels and our blessed Lord Jesus, I doubt not, joyfully welcomed him. +Now we were able to say, _It is well with the child!_ + +"Oh," said the gardener, as he passed down the garden-walk, "who plucked +that flower? Who gathered that plant?" His fellow-servants answered, +"The MASTER!" And the gardener held his peace. + +The feelings of the mother's heart on Friday found vent in some lines +entitled _To My Dying Eddy; January 16th_. Here are two stanzas: + + Blest child! dear child! For thee is Jesus calling; + And of our household thee--and only thee! + Oh, hasten hence! to His embraces hasten! + Sweet shall thy rest and safe thy shelter be. + + Thou who unguarded ne'er hast left our threshold, + Alone must venture now an unknown way; + Yet, fear not! Footprints of an Infant Holy + Lie on thy path. Thou canst not go astray. + +In a letter to her friend Mrs. Allen, of New Bedford, dated January 28, +she writes: + +During our dear little Eddy's illness we were surrounded with kind +friends, and many prayers were offered for us and for him. Nothing that +could alleviate our affliction was left undone or unthought of, and we +feel that it would be most unchristian and ungrateful in us to even +wonder at that Divine will which has bereaved us of our only boy--the +light and sunshine of our household. We miss him _sadly_. I need not +explain to you, who know all about it, _how_ sadly; but we rejoice that +he has got away from this troublous life, and that we have had the +privilege of giving so dear a child to God. When he was well he was one +of the happiest creatures I ever saw, and I am sure he is well now, +and that he is as happy as his joyous nature makes him susceptible of +becoming. God has been most merciful to us in this affliction, and, if +a bereaved, we are still a _happy_ household and full of thanksgiving. +Give my love to both the children and tell them they must not forget +us, and when they think and talk of their dear brother and sisters in +heaven, they must sometimes think of the little Eddy who is there too. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Birth of her Third Child. Reminiscence of a Sabbath-Evening Talk. Story +of the Baby's Sudden Illness and Death. Summer of 1852. Lines entitled +"My Nursery." + + +The shock of Eddy's death proved almost too much for Mrs. Prentiss' +enfeebled frame. She bore it, however, with sweet submission, and on the +17th of the following April her sorrow was changed to joy, and Eddy's +empty place filled, as she thought, by the birth of Elizabeth, her third +child, a picture of infantine health and beauty. But, although the child +seemed perfectly well, the mother herself was brought to the verge of +the grave. For a week or two her life wavered in the balance, and she +was quite in the mood to follow Eddy to the better country. Her husband, +recording a "long and most interesting conversation" with her on Sabbath +evening, May 2d, speaks of the "depth and tenderness of her religious +feelings, of her sense of sin and of the grace and glory of the +Saviour," and then adds, "Her old Richmond exercises seem of late +to have returned with their former strength and beauty increased +many-fold." On the 14th of May she was able to write in pencil these +lines to her sister, Mrs. Hopkins: + +I little thought that I should ever write to you again, but I have been +brought through a great deal, and now have reason to expect to get well. +I never knew how much I loved you till I gave up all hope of ever seeing +you again, and I have not strength yet to tell you all about it. Poor +George has suffered much. I hope all will be blessed to him and to me. I +am still confined to bed. The doctor thinks there may be an abscess near +the hip-joint, and, till that is cured, I can neither lie straight in +bed or stand on my feet or ride out. Everybody is kind. Our cup has run +over. It is a sore trial not to be allowed to nurse baby. She is kept +in another room. I only see her once a day. She begins to smile, and is +very bright-eyed. I hope your journey will do you good. If you can, do +write a few lines--not more. But, good-by. + +Hardly had she penned these lines, when, like a thunderbolt from a clear +sky, another stunning blow fell upon her. On the 19th of May, after an +illness of a few hours, Bessie, too, was folded forever in the arms of +the Good Shepherd. Here is the mother's own story of her loss: + +Our darling Eddy died on the 16th of January. The baby he had so often +spoken of was born on the 17th of April. I was too feeble to have any +care of her. Never had her in my arms but twice; once the day before she +died and once while she was dying. I never saw her little feet. She was +a beautiful little creature, with a great quantity of dark hair and very +dark blue eyes. The nurse had to keep her in another room on account +of my illness. When she was a month old she brought her to me one +afternoon. "This child is perfectly beautiful," said she; "to-morrow I +mean to dress her up and have her likeness taken." I asked her to get me +up in bed and let me take her a minute. She objected, and I urged her +a good deal, till at last she consented. The moment I took her I was +struck by her unearthly, absolutely angelic expression; and, not having +strength enough to help it, burst out crying bitterly, and cried all the +afternoon while I was struggling to give her up. + +Her father was at Newark. When he came home at dark I told him I was +sure that baby was going to die. He laughed at me, said my weak health +made me fancy it, and asked the nurse if the child was not well. She +said she was--perfectly well. My presentiment remained, however, in full +force, and the first thing next morning I asked Margaret to go and see +how baby was. She came back, saying, "She is very well. She lies there +on the bed scolding to herself." I cried out to have her instantly +brought to me. M. refused, saying the nurse would be displeased. But my +anxieties were excited by the use of the word "scolding," as I knew no +baby a month old did anything of that sort, and insisted on its being +brought to me. The instant I touched it I felt its head to be of a +burning heat, and sent for the nurse at once. When she came, I said, +"This child is _very sick_." "Yes," she said, "but I wanted you to have +your breakfast first. At one o'clock in the night I found a little +swelling. I do not know what it is, but the child is certainly very +sick." On examination I knew it was erysipelas. "Don't say that," said +the nurse, and burst into tears. I made them get me up and partly dress +me, as I was so excited I could not stay in bed. + +Dr. Buck came at ten o'clock; he expressed no anxiety, but prescribed +for her and George went out to get what he ordered. The nurse brought +her to me at eleven o'clock and begged me to observe that the spot had +turned black. I knew at once that this was fearful, fatal disease, and +entreated George to go and tell the doctor. He went to please me, though +he saw no need of it, and gave the wrong message to the doctor, to the +effect that the swelling was increasing, to which the doctor replied +that it naturally would do so. The little creature, whose moans Margaret +had termed scolding, now was heard all over that floor; every breath a +moan that tore my heart in pieces. I begged to have her brought to me +but the nurse sent word she was too sick to be moved. I then begged the +nurse to come and tell me exactly what she thought of her, but she said +she could not leave her. I then crawled on my hands and knees into the +room, being unable then and for a long time after to bear my own weight. + +What a scene our nursery presented! Everything upset and tossed about, +medicines here and there on the floor, a fire like a fiery furnace, and +Miss H. sitting hopelessly and with falling tears with the baby on a +pillow in her lap--all its boasted beauty gone forever. The sight was +appalling and its moans heart-rending. George came and got me back to my +sofa and said he felt as if he should jump out of the window every time +he heard that dreadful sound. He had to go out and made me promise not +to try to go to the nursery till his return. I foolishly promised. Mrs. +White [3] called, and I told her I was going to lose my baby; she was +very kind and went in to see it but I believe expressed no opinion as +to its state. But she repeated an expression which I repeated to myself +many times that day, and have repeated thousands of times since--"_God +never makes a mistake_." + +Margaret went soon after she left to see how the poor little creature +was, and did not come back. Hour after hour passed and no one came. I +lay racked with cruel torture, bitterly regretting my promise to George, +listening to those moans till I was nearly wild. Then in a frenzy of +despair I pulled myself over to my bureau, where I had arranged the +dainty little garments my darling was to wear, and which I had promised +myself so much pleasure in seeing her wear. I took out everything she +would need for her burial, with a sort of wild pleasure in doing for her +one little service, where I had hoped before to render so many. She it +was whom we expected to fill our lost Eddy's vacant place; we thought +we had _had_ our sorrow and that now our joy had come. As I lay back +exhausted, with these garments on my breast, Louisa Shipman [4] opened +the door. One glance at my piteous face, for oh, how glad I was to see +her! made her burst into tears before she knew what she was crying for. + +"Oh, go bring me news from my poor dying baby!" I almost screamed, as +she approached me. "And see, here are her grave-clothes." "Oh, Lizzy, +have you gone crazy?" cried she, with a fresh burst of tears. I besought +her to go, told her how my promise bound me, made her listen to those +terrible sounds which two doors could not shut out. As she left the room +she met Dr. B. and they went to the nursery together. She soon came +back, quiet and composed, but very sorrowful. "Yes, she is dying," said +she, "the doctor says so; she will not live an hour." ... At last we +heard the sound of George's key. Louise ran to call him. I crawled once +more to the nursery, and snatched my baby in fierce triumph from the +nurse. At least once I would hold my child, and nobody should prevent +me. George, pale as death, baptized her as I held her in my trembling +arms; there were a few more of those terrible, never-to-be-forgotten +sounds, and at seven o'clock we were once more left with only one child. +A short, sharp conflict, and our baby was gone. + +Dr. B. came in later and said the whole thing was to him like a +thunderclap--as it was to her poor father. To me it followed closely on +the presentiment that in some measure prepared me for it. Here I sit +with empty hands. I have had the little coffin in my arms, but my baby's +face could not be seen, so rudely had death marred it. Empty hands, +empty hands, a worn-out, exhausted body, and unutterable longings to +flee from a world that has had for me so many sharp experiences. God +help me, my baby, my baby! God help me, my little lost Eddy! + +But although the death of these two children tore with anguish the +mother's heart, she made no show of grief, and to the eye of the world +her life soon appeared to move on as aforetime. Never again, however, +was it exactly the same life. She had entered into the fellowship of +Christ's sufferings, and the new experience wrought a great change in +her whole being. + +A part of the summer and the early autumn of 1852 were passed among +kind friends at Newport, in Portland, and at the Ocean House on Cape +Elizabeth. She returned much refreshed, and gave herself up cheerfully +to her accustomed duties. But a cloud rested still upon her home, and at +times the old grief came back again with renewed poignancy. Here are a +few lines expressive of her feelings. They were written in pencil on a +little scrap of paper: + + MY NURSERY. 1852. + + I thought that prattling boys and girls + Would fill this empty room; + That my rich heart would gather flowers + From childhood's opening bloom. + + One child and two green graves are mine, + This is God's gift to me; + A bleeding, fainting, broken heart-- + This is my gift to Thee. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Summer at White Lake. Sudden Death of her Cousin, Miss Shipman. +Quarantined. _Little Susy's Six Birthdays._ How she wrote it. _The +Flower of the Family._ Her Motive in writing it. Letter of Sympathy to a +bereaved Mother. A Summer at the Seaside. _Henry and Bessie._ + + +The year 1853 was passed quietly and in better health. In the early +summer she made a delightful visit at The Island, near West Point, the +home of the author of "The Wide, Wide World." She was warmly attached to +Miss Warner and her sister, and hardly less so to their father and aunt, +whose presence then adorned that pleasant home with so much light and +sweetness. + +Early in August she went with her husband and child to White Lake, +Sullivan Co., N. Y., where, in company with several families from the +Mercer street church, she spent six weeks in breathing the pure country +air, and in healthful outdoor exercise. [5] + +About the middle of October she was greatly distressed by the sudden +death of the young cousin, already mentioned, who was staying with her +during her husband's absence on a visit to New Bedford. Miss Shipman +was a bright, attractive girl, and enthusiastic in her devotion to +Mrs. Prentiss. The latter, in a letter to her husband, dated Saturday +morning, October 15th, 1853, writes: + +I imagine you enjoying this fine morning, and can't rejoice enough, that +you are having such weather. A. is bright and well and is playing in +her baby-house and singing. Louise is still quite sick, and I see no +prospect of her not remaining so for some time. The morning after you +left I thought to be sure she had the small-pox. The doctor, however, +calls it a rash. It makes her look dreadfully and feel dreadfully. +She gets hardly a moment of sleep and takes next to no nourishment. +Arrowroot is all the doctor allows. He comes twice a day and seems +_very_ kind and full of compassion. She crawled down this morning to the +nursery, and seems to be asleep now. Mrs. Bull very kindly offered to +come and do anything if Louise should need it, but I do not think she +will be sick enough for that. I feel well and able to do all that is +necessary. The last proof-sheets came last night, so that job is off my +hands. [6] And now, darling, I can't tell you how I miss you. I never +missed you more in my life, if as much. I hope you are having a nice +visit. Give my love to Capt. and Mrs. Gibbs and all our friends. Your +most loving little wife. + +On the following Wednesday, October 19th, she writes to her husband's +mother: + +You will be shocked to hear that Louisa Shipman died on Sunday night +and was buried yesterday. Her disease was spotted fever of the most +malignant character, and raged with great fury. She dropped away most +unexpectedly to us, before I had known five minutes that she was in +danger, and I came near being entirely alone with her. Dr. M. happened +to be here and also her mother-in-law; but I had been alone in the house +with her all day. It is a dreadful shock to us all, and I feel perfectly +stupefied. George got home in time for the funeral, but Dr. Skinner +performed the services. Anna will go home to-morrow and tell you all +about it. She and Mr. S. slept away, as the upper part of the house is +airing; and to-night they will sleep at Prof. Smith's. + +The case was even more fearful than she supposed while writing this +letter. Upon her describing it to Dr. Buck, who called a few hours +later, he exclaimed, "Why, it was malignant small-pox! You must all be +vaccinated instantly and have the bedding and house disinfected." This +was done; but it was too late. Her little daughter had the disease, +though in a mild form; and one of her brothers, who was passing the +autumn with her, had it so severely as barely to escape with his life. +She herself became a nurse to them both, and passed the next two months +quarantined within her own walls. To her husband's mother she wrote: + +I am not allowed to see _anyone_--am very lonesome, and hope Anna will +write and tell me every little thing about you all. The scenes I have +lately passed through make me tremble when I think what a fatal malady +lurks in every corner of our house. And speaking after the manner of +men, does it not seem almost incredible that this child, watched from +her birth like _the apple of our eyes_, should yet fall into the jaws of +this loathsome disease? I see more and more that parents _must_ leave +their children to Providence. + +In the early part of this year Mrs. Prentiss wrote _Little Susy's Six +Birthdays_, the book that has given so much delight to tens of thousands +of little children, wherever the English tongue is spoken. Like most +of her books, it was an inspiration and was composed with the utmost +rapidity. She read the different chapters, as they were written, to +her husband, child and brother, who all with one voice expressed their +admiration. In about ten days the work was finished. The manuscript was +in a clear, delicate hand and without an erasure. Upon its publication +it was at once recognised as a production of real genius, inimitable +in its kind, and neither the popular verdict nor the verdict of the +children as to its merits has ever changed. + +Mrs. Prentiss, as has been stated already, began to write for the press +at an early age. But from the time of her going to Richmond till 1853--a +period of thirteen years--her pen was well nigh idle, except in the way +of correspondence. When, therefore, she gave herself again to literary +labor, it was with a largely increased fund of knowledge and experience +upon which to draw. These thirteen years had taught her rich lessons, +both in literature and in life. They had been especially fruitful in +revealing to her the heart of childhood and quickening her sympathy with +its joys and sorrows. And all these lessons prepared her to write Little +Susy's Six Birthdays and the other Susy books. + +The year 1854 was marked by the birth of her fourth child, and by the +publication of _The Flower of the Family._ This work was received with +great favor both at home and abroad. It was soon translated into French +under the title, _La Fleur de la Famille,_ and later into German under +the title, _Die Perle der Familie_. In both languages it received the +warmest praise. + +In a letter to her friend Mrs. Clark, of Portland, she thus refers to +this book: + +I long to have it doing good. I never had such desires about anything +in my life; and I never sat down to write without first praying that I +might not be suffered to write anything that would do harm, and that, on +the contrary, I might be taught to say what would do good. And it +has been a great comfort to me that every word of praise I ever have +received from others concerning it has been "it will do good," and this +I have had from so many sources that amid much trial and sickness ever +since its publication, I have had rays of sunshine creeping in now and +then to cheer and sustain me. + +To the same friend, just bereft of her two children, she writes a few +months later: + +Is it possible, is it possible that you are made childless? I feel +distressed for you, my dear friend; I long to fly to you and weep with +you; it seems as if I _must_ say or do something to comfort you. But God +only can help you now, and how thankful I am for a throne of grace and +power where I can commend you, again and again, to Him who doeth all +things well. + +I never realise my own affliction in the loss of my children as I do +when death enters the house of a friend. Then I feel that _I can't have +it so._ But why should I think I know better than my Divine Master what +is good for me, or good for those I love! Dear Carrie,'! trust that in +this hour of sorrow you have with you that Presence, before which alone +sorrow and sighing flee away. _God_ is left; _Christ_ is left; sickness, +accident, death can not touch you here. Is not this a blissful +thought?... As I sit at my desk my eye is attracted by the row of books +before me, and what a comment on life are their very titles: "Songs in +the Night," "Light on Little Graves," "The Night of Weeping," "The Death +of Little Children," "The Folded Lamb," "The Broken Bud," these have +strayed one by one into my small enclosure, to speak peradventure a word +in season unto my weariness. And yet, dear Carrie, this is not all of +life. You and I have tasted some of its highest joys, as well as its +deepest sorrows, and it has in reserve for us only just what is best for +us. May sorrow bring us both nearer to Christ! I can almost fancy my +little Eddy has taken your little Maymee by the hand and led her to the +bosom of Jesus. How strange our children, our own little infants, have +seen Him in His glory, whom we are only yet longing for and struggling +towards! + +If it will not frighten you to own a Unitarian book, there is one called +"Christian Consolation" by Rev. A. P. Peabody, that I think you would +find very profitable. I see nothing, or next to nothing, Unitarian +in it, while it is _full_ of rich, holy experience. One sermon on +"Contingent Events and Providence" touches your case exactly. + +No event of special importance marked the year 1855. She spent the month +of July among her friends in Portland, and the next six weeks at the +Ocean House on Cape Elizabeth. This was one of her favorite places of +rest. She never tired of watching the waves and their "multitudinous +laughter," of listening to the roar of the breakers, or climbing the +rocks and wandering along the shore in quest of shells and sea-grasses. +In gathering and pressing the latter, she passed many a happy hour. In +August of this year appeared one of her best children's books, _Henry +and Bessie; or, What they Did in the Country._ + + * * * * * + +IV. + +A Memorable Year. Lines on the Anniversary of Eddy's Death. Extracts +from her Journal. _Little Susy's Six Teachers._ The Teachers' Meeting. +A New York Waif. Summer in the Country. Letters. _Little Susy's Little +Servants._ Extracts from her Journal. "Alone with God." + + +The records of the year 1856 are singularly full and interesting. It was +a year of poignant suffering, of sharp conflicts of soul, and of great +peace and joy. Its earlier months, especially, were shadowed by a dark +cloud of anxiety and distress. And her feeble bodily state caused by +care-worn days and sleepless nights, added to the trouble. Old sorrows, +too, came back again. On the 16th of January, the anniversary of Eddy's +death, she gave vent to her feelings in some pathetic verses, of which +the following lines form a part: + + Four years, four weary years, my child, + Four years ago to-night, + With parting cry of anguish wild + Thy spirit took its flight; ah me! + Took its eternal flight. + + And in that hour of mortal strife + I thought I felt the throe, + The birth-pang of a grief, whose life + Must soothe my tearless woe, must soothe + And ease me of my woe. + + Yet folded far through all these years, + Folded from mortal eyes, + Lying alas "too deep for tears," + Unborn, unborn it lies, within + My heart of heart it lies. + + My sinless child! upon thy knees + Before the Master pray; + Methinks thy infant hands might seize + And shed upon my way sweet peace; + Sweet peace upon my way. + +Here follow some extracts from her journal. + +_Jan 3d. 1856._--Had no time to write on New Year's day, as we had a +host of callers. It was a very hard day, as I was quite unwell, and had +at last to give up and go to bed. + +_15th_--Am quite uneasy about baby, as it seems almost impossible she +should long endure such severe pain and want of sleep. My life is a +very anxious one. I feel every day more and more longing for my home +in heaven. Sometimes I fear it amounts almost to a sinful longing--for +surely I ought to be willing to live or die, just as God pleases. + +_Feb. 1st._--I have had no heart to make a record of what has befallen +us since I last wrote. And yet I may, sometime, want to recall this +experience, painful as it is. Dear little baby had been improving in +health, and on Wednesday we went to dine at Mrs. Wainright's. We went at +four. About eight, word came that she was ill. When I got home I found +her insensible, with her eyes wide open, her breathing terrific, and her +condition in every respect very alarming. Just as Dr. Buck was coming +in, she roused a little, but soon relapsed into the same state. He told +us she was dying. I felt like a stone, _In a moment_ I seemed to give up +my hold on her. She appeared no longer mine but God's. It is always +so in such great emergencies. _Then_, my will that struggles so about +trifles, makes no effort. But as we sat hour after hour watching the +alternations of color in her purple face and listening to that terrible +gasping, rattling sound, I said to myself "A few more nights like this, +and I do believe my body and soul would yield to such anguish." Oh, why +should I try to tell myself what a night it was. God knows, God only! +How He has smitten me by means of this child, He well knows. She +remained thus about twelve hours. Twelve hours of martyrdom to me such +as I never had known. Then to our unspeakable amazement she roused up, +nursed, and then fell into a sweet sleep of some hours. + +_Sunday, Feb. 3d._--The stupor, or whatever it is, in which that +dreadful night has left me, is on me still. I have no more sense or +feeling than a stone. I kneel down before God and do not say a word. +I take up a book and read, but get hold of nothing. At church I felt +afraid I should fall upon the people and tear them. I could wish no one +to pity me or even know that I am smitten. It does seem to me that those +who can sit down and cry, know nothing of misery. + +_Feb. 4th_.--At last the ice melts and I can get near my God--my only +comfort, my only joy, my All in all! This morning I was able to open my +heart to Him and to cast some of this burden on Him, who alone _knows_ +what it is.... I see that it is sweet to be a pilgrim and a stranger, +and that it matters _very little_ what befalls me on the way to my +blessed home. If God pleases to spare my child a little longer, I will +be very thankful. May He take this season, when earthly comfort fails +me, to turn me more than ever to Himself. For some months I have enjoyed +a _great deal_ in Him. Prayer has been very sweet and I have had some +glimpses of joys indescribable. + +_6th._--She still lives. I know not what to think. One moment I think +one thing and the next another. It is harder to submit to this suspense +than to a real, decided blow. But I desire to leave it to my God. He +knows all her history and all mine. He orders all these aggravating +circumstances and I would not change them. My darling has not lived in +vain. For eighteen months she has been the little rod used by my Father +for my chastisement and not, I think, quite in vain. Oh my God! stay +not Thy hand till Thou hast perfected that which concerneth me. Send +anything rather than unsanctified prosperity. + +_Feb. 10th._--To help divert my mind from such incessant brooding over +my sorrows, I am writing a new book. I had just begun it when baby's +ill-turn arrested me. I trust it may do some little good; at least I +would not dare to write it, if it _could_ do none. May God bless it! + +_Feb. 14th._--Wanted to go to the prayer-meeting but concluded to take +A. to hear Gough at the Tabernacle. Seeing such a crowd always makes +me long to be in that happy crowd of saints and angels in heaven, and +hearing children sing so sweetly made me pray for an entrance into the +singing, praising multitude there. Oh, when shall I be one of that +blessed company who _sin_ not! My book is done; may God bless it to +_one_ child at least--then it will not have been wasted time. + +The book referred to was _Little Susy's Six Teachers_. It was published +in the spring, and at once took its place beside the _Six Birthdays_ in +the hearts of the children; a place it still continues to hold. The six +teachers are Mrs. Love, Mr. Pain, Aunt Patience, Mr. Ought, Miss Joy, +and the angel Faith. At the end of six years they hold a meeting and +report to little Susy's parents what they have been doing. The closing +chapter, herewith quoted, gives an account of this meeting, and may +serve as a specimen of the style and spirit of all the Little Susy +books. + +"If Mr. Pain is to be at the meeting, I can't go," said Miss Joy. + +She stood on tip-toe before the glass, dressing herself in holiday +clothes. + +"Perhaps he would be willing to leave his rod behind him," said Mrs. +Love. "I will ask him at all events." + +Mr. Pain thought he should not feel at home without his rod. He said he +always liked to have it in his hands, whether he was to use it or not. + +Miss Joy was full of fun and mischief about this time, so she slipped +up slyly behind Mr. Pain while he was talking and snatched away the +rod before he could turn round. Mrs. Love smiled on seeing this little +trick, and they all went down to the parlor and seated themselves with +much gravity. Little Susy sat in the midst in her own low chair looking +wide awake, you may depend. Her papa and mamma sat on each side like two +judges. Mrs. Love rocked herself in the rocking-chair in a contented, +easy way; and Aunt Patience, who liked to do such things, helped Miss +Joy to find the leaves of her report--which might have been rose-leaves, +they were so small. + +Mr. Ought looked very good indeed, and the angel Faith shone across the +room like a sunbeam. + +"Susy will be six years old to-morrow," said her papa. "You have all +been teaching her ever since she was born. We will now listen to your +reports and hear what you have taught her, and whether you have done her +any good." + +They were all silent, but everybody looked at Mrs. Love as much as to +say she should begin. Mrs. Love took out a little book with a sky-blue +cover and began to read: + +"I have not done much for Susy, but love her dearly; and I have not +taught her much, but to love everybody. When she was a baby I tried to +teach her to smile, but I don't think I could have taught her if Miss +Joy had not helped me. And when she was sick, I was always sorry for +her, and tried to comfort her." + +"You have done her a great deal of good," said Susy's papa, "we will +engage you to stay six years longer, should God spare her life." + +Then Mr. Pain took up his book. It had a black cover, but the leaves +were gilt-edged and the cover was spangled with stars. + +"I have punished Susy a good many times," said Mr. Pain. "Sometimes I +slapped her with my hand; sometimes I struck her with my rod; sometimes +I made her sick; but I never did any of these things because I was angry +with her or liked to hurt her. I only came when Mrs. Love called me." + +"You have taught her excellent lessons," said Susy's papa, "if it had +not been for you she would be growing up disobedient and selfish. You +may stay six years longer." + +Then Mr. Pain made a low bow and said he was thinking of going away and +sending his brother, Mr. Sorrow, and his sister, Mrs. Disappointment, to +take his place." + +"Oh, no!" cried Susy's mamma, "not yet, not yet! Susy is still so +little!" + +Then Mr. Pain said he would stay without a rod, as Susy was now too old +to be whipped. + +Then Miss Joy took up her book with its rainbow cover and tried to read. +But she laughed so heartily all the time, and her leaves kept flying out +of her hands at such a rate, that it was not possible to understand what +she was saying. It was all about clapping hands and running races, and +picking flowers and having a good time. Everybody laughed just because +she laughed, and Susy's papa could hardly keep his face grave long +enough to say: + +"You have done more good than tongue can tell. You have made her just +such a merry, happy, laughing little creature as I wanted her to be. You +must certainly stay six years longer." + +Then Mr. Ought drew forth his book. It had silver covers and its leaves +were of the most delicate tissue. + +"I have taught little Susy to be good," said he. "Never to touch what +is not hers; never to speak a word that is not true; never to have a +thought she would not like the great and holy God to see. If I stay six +years longer I can teach her a great deal more, for she begins now to +understand my faintest whisper. She is such a little girl as I love to +live with." + +Then Susy turned rosy-red with pleasure, and her papa and mamma got up +and shook hands with Mr. Ought and begged him never, never to leave +their darling child as long as she lived. + +It was now the turn of Aunt Patience. Her book had covers wrought by her +own hands in grave and gay colors well mingled together. + +"When I first came here," she said, "Susy used to cry a great deal +whenever she was hurt or punished. When she was sick she was very hard +to please. When she sat down to learn to sew and to read and to write, +she would break her thread in anger, or throw her book on the floor, or +declare she never could learn. But now she has left off crying when she +is hurt, and tries to bear the pain quietly. When she is sick she does +not fret or complain, but takes her medicine without a word. When she +is sewing she does not twitch her thread into knots, and when she is +writing she writes slowly and carefully. I have rocked her to sleep +a thousand times. I have been shut up in a closet with her again and +again, and I hope I have done her some good and taught her some useful +lessons." + +"Indeed you have, Aunt Patience," said Susy's papa, "but Susy is not yet +perfect. We shall need you six years longer." + +And now the little angel Faith opened his golden book and began to read: + +"I have taught Susy that there is another world besides this, and have +told her that it is her real home, and what a beautiful and happy one it +is. I have told her a great deal about Jesus and the holy angels. I do +not know much myself. I am not very old, but if I stay here six years +longer I shall grow wiser and I will teach Susy all I learn, and we will +pray together every morning and every night, till at last she loves the +Lord Jesus with all her heart and soul and mind and strength." + +Then Susy's papa and mamma looked at each other and smiled, and they +both said: + +"Oh, beautiful angel, never leave her!" + +And the angel answered: + +"I will stay with her as long as she lives, and will never leave her +till I leave her at the very door of heaven." + +Then the teachers began to put up their books, and Susy's papa and mamma +kissed her, and said: + +"We have had a great deal of comfort in our little daughter; and, with +God's blessing, we shall see her grow up a loving, patient, and obedient +child--full of joy and peace and rich in faith and good works." + +So they all bade each other good-night and went thankfully to bed. + +The next entry in the journal notes a trait of character, or rather of +temperament, which often excited the wonder and also the anxiety of +her friends. It caused her no little discomfort, but she could never +withstand its power. + +_March 21st_.--I have been busy with a sewing fit and find the least +interesting piece of work I can get hold of, as great a temptation +as the most charming. For if its _charm_ does not absorb my time and +thoughts, the eager haste to finish and get it out of the way, does. +This is my life. I either am stupefied by ill-health or sorrow, so as +to feel no interest in anything, or am _absorbed_ in whatever business, +work or pleasure I have on hand. + +But neither anxiety about her child, household cares, or any work she +had in hand, so absorbed her thoughts as to render her insensible to the +sorrows and trials of others. On the contrary, they served rather to +call forth and intensify her kindly sympathies. A single case will +illustrate this. A poor little girl--one of those waifs of humanity in +which a great city abounds--had been commended to her by a friend. In a +letter to this friend, dated March 17, 1856, she writes: + +That little girl came, petticoat and all; we gave her some breakfast, +and I then went down with her to Avenue A. On the way, she told me that +you gave her some money. To my great sorrow we found, on reaching the +school, that they could not take another one, as they were already +overflowing. As we came out, I saw that the poor little soul was just +ready to burst into tears, and said to her "Now you're disappointed, I +know!" whereupon she actually looked up into my face and _smiled_. You +know I was afraid I never should make her smile, she looked so forlorn. +I brought her home to get some books, as she said she could read, and +she is to come again to-morrow. A lady to whom I told the whole story, +sent me some stockings that would about go on to her big toe; however, +they will be nice for her little sister. The weather has been so mild +that I thought it would not be worth while to make her a cloak or +anything of that sort; but next fall I shall see that she is comfortably +clad, if she behaves as well as she did the day she was here. Oh, dear! +what a drop in the great bucket of New York misery, one such child is! +Yet somebody must look out for the drops, and I am only too thankful to +seize on this one. + +In June she went, with the children, to Westport, Conn., where in rural +quiet and seclusion she passed the next three months. Here are some +extracts from her letters, written from that place: + +Westport, _June 25, 1856._ + +We had a most comfortable time getting here; both the children enjoyed +the ride, and baby seemed unusually bright. Judge Betts was very +attentive and kind to us. Mrs. G. grows more and more pleasant every +day. We have plenty of good food, but she worries because I do not eat +more. You know I never was famous for eating meat, and country dinners +are not tempting. You can't think how we enjoy seeing the poultry fed. +There are a hundred and eighty hens and chickens, and you should see +baby throw her little hand full of corn to them. We went strawberrying +yesterday, all of us, and the way she was poked through bars and lifted +over stone-walls would have amused you. She is already quite sunburnt; +but I think she is looking sweetly. I find myself all the time peeping +out of the window, thinking every step is yours, or that every wagon +holds a letter for me. + +_To Miss A. H. Woolsey, Westport, June 27._ + +Mr. P. enclosed your kind note in one of his own, after first reading it +himself, if you ever heard of such a man. I had to laugh all alone while +reading it, which was not a little provoking. We are having very nice +times here indeed. Breakfast at eight, dinner at half-past twelve, and +tea at half-past six, giving us an afternoon of unprecedented length +for such lounging, strawberrying or egg-hunting as happens to be on +the carpet. The air is perfectly loaded with the fragrance of clover +blossoms and fresh hay. I never saw such clover in my life; roses are +nothing in comparison. I only want an old nag and a wagon, so as to +drive a load of children about these lovely regions, and that I hope +every moment to attain. To be sure, it would be amazingly convenient +if I had a table, and didn't have to sit on the floor to write upon +a trunk; but then one can't have everything, and I am almost too +comfortable with what I have. A. is busy reading Southey to her +"children"; baby is off searching for eggs, and her felicity reached its +height when she found an ambitious hen had laid two in her carriage, +which little thought what it was coming to the country for. I think the +dear child already looks better; she lives in the open air and enjoys +everything. + +Mrs. Buck lives about half a mile below us, and we run back and forth +many times a day. I have already caught the country fashion of rushing +to the windows the moment a wheel or an opening gate is heard. I fancy +everybody is bringing me a letter or else want to send one to the +office, and the only way to do that is to scream at passers-by and +ask them if they are going that way. If you hear that I am often seen +driving a flock of geese down the road, or climbing stone walls, or +creeping through bar fences, you needn't believe a word of it, for I am +a pattern of propriety, and pride myself on my dignity. I hope, now +you have begun so charmingly, that you will write again. You know what +letters are in the country. + +_To her Husband, Westport, June 27._ + +I wonder where you are this lovely morning? Having a nice time +somewhere, I do hope, for it is too fine a day to be lost. If you want +to know where I am, why I'm sitting at the window writing on a trunk +that I have just lifted into a chair, in order to make a table. For +table there, is none in this room, and how am I to write a book without +one? If ever I get down to the village, I hope to buy, beg, borrow or +steal one, and until that time am putting off beginning my new +Little Susy. [7] That note from Miss Warner, by the by, spoke so +enthusiastically of the Six Teachers that I felt compensated for the +mortification of hearing -------- call it a "nice" book. You will be +sorry to hear that I have no prospect of getting a horse. I am quite +disappointed, as besides the pleasure of driving our children, I hoped +to give Mrs. Buck and the boys a share in it. Only to think of her +bringing up from the city a beefsteak for baby, and proposing that the +doctor should send a small piece for her every day! Thank you, darling, +for your proposal about the Ocean House. I trust no such change will be +needful. We are all comfortable now, the weather is delicious, and there +are so many pretty walks about here, that I am only afraid I shall be +too well off. Everything about the country is charming to me, and I +never get tired of it. The first few days nurse seemed a good deal out +of sorts; but I must expect some such little vexations; of course, I can +not have perfection, and for dear baby's sake I shall try to exercise +all the prudence and forbearance I can. + +_Sunday._--We went to church this morning and heard a most instructive +and, I thought, superior sermon from Mr. Burr of Weston, on progress in +religious knowledge. He used the very illustration about the cavern and +the point of light that you did. + +_July 7th._--We all drove to the beach on Saturday. It was just the very +day for such a trip, and baby was enchanted. She sat right down and +began to gather stones and shells, as if she had the week before her. We +were gone three hours and came home by way of the village, quite in +the mood for supper. Yesterday we had a pleasant service; Mr. Atkinson +appears to be a truly devout, heavenly man to whom I felt my heart knit +at the outset on this account, I am taking great delight in reading the +Memoir of Miss Allibone. [8] How I wish I had a friend of so heavenly a +temper! I fear my new Little Susy will come out at the little end of the +horn. I am sure it won't be so good as the others. It is more than one +quarter done. + +_July 21st._--What do you think I did this forenoon? Why, I finished +Little Susy and shall lay it aside for some days, when I shall read it +over, correct, and pack it off out of the way. Yes, I wish you would +bring my German Hymn Book. I am so glad you liked the hymns I had +marked! [9] And do get well so as not to have to leave off preaching the +Gospel. My heart dies within me whenever I think of your leaving the +ministry. Every day I live, it appears to me that the office of a +Christian pastor and teacher is the best in the world. I shall not be +able to write you a word to-morrow, as we are to go to Greenfield Hill +to Miss Murray's, and you must take to-morrow's love to-night--if you +think you can stand so much at once. God be with you and bless you. + +_July 30th._--Baby and I have just been having a great frolic. She was +so pleased with your message that she caught up your letter and kissed +it, which I think very remarkable in a child who, I am sure, never saw +such a thing done. A. seems well and happy, and is as good as I think we +ought to expect. I see more and more every day, that if there ever _was_ +such a thing as human perfection, it was as long ago as David's time +when, as he says, he saw the "end" of it. How very kind the W.'s have +been! + +_August 3d._--I got hold of Dr. Boardman's "Bible in the Family," at the +Bucks yesterday, and brought it home to read. I like it very much. There +is a vein of humor running through it which, subdued as it is, must have +awakened a good many smiles. He quotes some lines of Coleridge, which I +wonder I did not have as a motto for Susy's Teachers: + + Love, Hope and Patience, these must be thy graces, + And in thine own heart let them first _keep school_. + +_To Miss Mary B. Shipman, Westport, August 11._ + +Dr. Buck, who has seen her twice since we came here, thinks baby +wonderfully improved, and says every day she lives increases her chance +of life. I have been exceedingly encouraged by all he has said, and feel +a great load off my heart. Last Friday, on fifteen minutes' notice, I +packed up and went _home_, taking nurse and biddies, of course. I was so +restless and so perfectly _possessed_ to go to meet George, that I could +not help it. We went in the six o'clock train, as it was after five when +I was "taken" with the fit that started me off; got home in a soft rain, +and to our great surprise and delight found G. there, he having got +homesick at Saratoga, and just rushed to New York on his way here. We +had a great rejoicing together, you may depend, and I had a charming +visit of nearly three days. We got back on Monday night, rather tired, +but none of us at all the worse for the expedition. Mr. P. sits here +reading the Tribune, and A. is reading "Fremont's Life." She is as brown +as an Indian and about as wild. + +A few passages from her journal will also throw light upon this period: + +_June 30th._--I am finding this solitude and leisure very sweet and +precious; God grant it may bear the rich and abundant fruit it ought to +do! Communion with Him is such a blessing, here at home in my own room, +and out in the silent woods and on the wayside. Saturday, especially, +I had a long walk full of blissful thoughts of Him whom I do believe I +love--oh, that I loved Him better!--and in the evening Mrs. Buck came +and we had some very sweet beginnings of what will, I trust, ripen into +most profitable Christian communion. My heart delights in the society of +those who love Him. Yesterday I had a more near access to God in prayer +than usual, so that during the whole service at church I could hardly +repress tears of joy and gratitude. + +_July 7th._--I do trust God's blessed, blessed Spirit is dealing +faithfully with my soul--searching and sifting it, revealing it somewhat +to itself and preparing it for the indwelling of Christ. This I do +heartily desire. Oh, God! search me and know me, and show me my own +guilty, poor, meagre soul, that I may turn from it, humbled and ashamed +and penitent, to my blessed Saviour. How very, very thankful I feel for +this seclusion and leisure; this quiet room where I can seek my God and +pray and praise, unseen by any human eye--and which sometimes seems like +the very gate of heaven. + +_July 23d._--This is my dear little baby's birthday. I was not able to +sleep last night at all, but at last got up and prayed specially for +her. God has spared her two years; I can hardly believe it! Precious +years of discipline they have been, for which I do thank Him. I have +prayed much for her to-day, and with some faith, that if her life is +spared it will be for His glory. How far rather would I let her go this +moment, than grow up without loving Him! Precious little creature! + +_27th._--This has been one of the most oppressive days I ever knew. I +went to church, however, and enjoyed all the services unusually. As we +rode along and I saw the grain ripe for the harvest, I said to myself, +"God gathers in _His_ harvest as soon as it is ripe, and if I devote +myself to Him and pray much and turn entirely from the world I shall +ripen, and so the sooner get where I am _all the time_ yearning and +longing to go!" I fear this was a merely selfish thought, but I do not +know. This world seems less and less homelike every day I live. The more +I pray and meditate on heaven and my Saviour and saints who have crossed +the flood, the stronger grows my desire to be bidden to depart hence and +go up to that sinless, blessed abode. Not that I forget my comforts, my +mercies here; they are _manifold_; I know they are. But Christ appears +so precious; sin so dreadful! so dreadful! To-day I gave way to pride +and irritation, and my agony on account of it outweighs weeks of merely +earthly felicity. The idea of a Christian as he should be, and the +reality of most Christians--particularly myself--why, it almost makes +me shudder; my only comfort is, in heaven, I _can_ not sin! In heaven I +shall see Christ, and see Him as He is, and praise and honor Him as I +never do and never shall do here. And yet I know my dear little ones +need me, poor and imperfect a mother as I am; and I pray every hour to +be made willing to wait for their sakes. For at the longest it will not +be long. Oh, I do believe it is the _sin_ I dread and not the suffering +of life--but I know not; I may be deluded. My love to my Master seems to +me very shallow and contemptible. I am astonished that I love anything +else. Oh, that He would this moment come down into this room and tell me +I never, never, shall grieve Him again! + +Some verses entitled "Alone with God," belong here: + + Into my closet fleeing, as the dove + Doth homeward flee, + I haste away to ponder o'er Thy love + Alone with Thee! + + In the dim wood, by human ear unheard, + Joyous and free, + Lord! I adore Thee, feasting on Thy word, + Alone with Thee! + + Amid the busy city, thronged and gay, + But One I see, + Tasting sweet peace, as unobserved I pray + Alone with Thee! + + Oh, sweetest life! Life hid with Christ in God! + So making me + At home, and by the wayside, and abroad, + Alone with Thee! + + WESTPORT, _August 22, 1856._ + + * * * * * + +V. + +Ready for new Trials. Dangerous Illness. Extracts from her Journal. +Visit to Greenwood. Sabbath Meditations. Birth of another Son. Her +Husband resigns his pastoral Charge. Voyage to Europe. + + +The summer at Westport was so beneficial to the baby and so full both of +bodily and spiritual refreshment to herself, that on returning to town, +she resumed her home tasks with unwonted ease and comfort. The next +entry in her journal alludes to this: + +_November 27th_.--Two months, and not a word in my journal! I have done +far more with my needle and my feet than with my pen. One comes home +from the country to a good many cares, and they are worldly cares, too, +about eating and about wearing. I hope the worst of mine are over now +and that I shall have more leisure. But no, I forget that now comes the +dreaded, dreaded experience of weaning baby. But what then? I have had +a good rest this fall. Have slept unusually well; why, only think, some +nights not waking once--and some nights only a few times; and then we +have had no sickness; baby better--all better. Now I ought to be willing +to have the trials I need so much, seeing I have had such a rest. And +heaven! heaven! let me rest on that precious word. Heaven is at the end +and God is there. + +Early in March, 1857, she was taken very ill and continued so until May. +For some weeks her recovery seemed hardly possible. She felt assured +her hour had come and was eager to go. All the yearnings of her heart, +during many years, seemed on the point of being gratified. The next +entry in her journal refers to this illness: + +_Sunday, May 24th, 1857._--Just reading over the last record how ashamed +I felt of my faithlessness! To see dear baby so improved by the very +change I dreaded, and to hear her pretty, cheerful prattle, and to +find in her such a source of joy and comfort--what undeserved, what +unlooked-for mercies! But like a physician who changes his remedies as +he sees occasion, and who forbears using all his severe ones at once, my +Father first relieved me from my wearing care and pain about this dear +child, and then put me under new discipline. It is now nearly six months +since I have been in usual health, and eight weeks of great prostration +and suffering have been teaching me many needed lessons. Now, contrary +to my hopes and expectations, I find myself almost well again. At first, +having got my heart _set_ toward heaven and after fancying myself almost +there, I felt disappointed to find its gates still shut against me. [10] + +But God was very good to me and taught me to yield in this point to His +wiser and better will; He made me, as far as I know, as peaceful in +the prospect of living as joyful in the prospect of dying. Heaven +did, indeed, look very attractive when I thought myself so near it; +I pictured myself as no longer a sinner but a blood-washed saint; I +thought I shall soon see Him whom my soul loveth, and see Him as He is; +I shall never wound, never grieve Him again, and all my companions will +be they who worship Him and adore Him. But not yet am I there! Alas, not +yet a saint! My soul is oppressed, now that health is returning, to find +old habits of sin returning too, and this monster Self usurping God's +place, as of old, and pride and love of ease and all the infirmities of +the flesh thick upon me. After being encompassed with mercies for two +months, having every comfort this world could offer for my alleviation, +I wonder at myself that I can be anything but a meek, docile child, +profiting by the Master's discipline, sensible of the tenderness that +went hand-in-hand with every stroke, and walking softly before God and +man! But I am indeed a wayward child and in need of many more stripes. +May I be made willing and thankful to bear them. + +Indeed, I do thank my dear Master that He does not let me alone, and +that He has let me suffer so much; it has been a rich experience, this +long illness, and I do trust He will so sanctify it that I shall have +cause to rejoice over it all the rest of my life. Now may I return +patiently to all the duties that lie in my sphere. May I not forget how +momentous a thing death appeared when seen face to face, but be ever +making ready for its approach. And may the glory of God be, as it never +yet has been, my chief end. My love to Him seems to me so very feeble +and fluctuating. Satan and self keep up a continual struggle to get the +victory. But God is stronger than either. He must and will prevail, and +at last, and in a time far better than any I can suggest, He will open +those closed gates and let me enter in to go no more out, and then "I +shall never, never sin." + +As might be inferred from this record, she was at this time in the +sweetest mood, full of tenderness and love. The time of the singing of +birds had now come, and all nature was clothed with that wondrous beauty +and verdure which mark the transition from spring to summer. The drives, +which she was now able to take into the country, on either side of the +river, gave her the utmost delight. On the 30th of May--the day that has +since become consecrated to the memory of the Nation's heroic dead--she +went, with her husband and eldest daughter, to visit and place flowers +upon the graves of Eddy and Bessie. Never is Greenwood more lovely and +impressive than at the moment when May is just passing into June. It is +as if Nature were in a transfiguration and the glory of the Lord shone +upon the graves of our beloved! Mrs. Prentiss made no record of this +visit, but on the following day thus wrote in her journal: + +_May 31st._--Another peaceful, pleasant Sunday, whose only drawback has +been the want of strength to get down on my knees and praise and pray to +my Saviour, as I long to do. For well as I am and astonishingly improved +in every way, a very few minutes' use of my voice, even in a whisper, +in prayer, exhausts me to such a degree that I am ready to faint. This +seems so strange when I can go on talking to any extent--but then it is +talking without emotion and in a desultory way. Ah well! God knows best +in what manner to let me live, and I desire to ask for nothing but a +docile, acquiescent temper, whose only petition shall be, "What wilt +Thou have me to do?" not how can I get most enjoyment along the way. I +can not believe if I am His child, that He will let anything hinder my +progress in the divine life. It seems dreadful that I have gone on so +slowly, and backward so many times--but then I have been thinking this +is "to humble and to prove me, and to do me good in the latter end." ... +I thank my God and Saviour for every faint desire He gives me to see +Him as He is, and to be changed into His image, and for every struggle +against sin He enables me to make. It is all of Him. I do wish I loved +Him better! I do wish He were never out of my thoughts and that the +aim to do His will swallowed up all other desires and strivings. Satan +whispers that will never be. But it shall be! One day--oh, longed-for, +blessed, blissful day!--Christ will become my All in all! Yes, even +mine! + +This is the last entry in her journal for more than a year; her letters, +too, during the same period are very few. In August of 1857, she was +made glad by the birth of another son, her fifth child. Her own health +was now much better than it had been for a long time; but that of her +husband had become so enfeebled that in April, 1858, he resigned his +pastoral charge and by the advice of his physician determined to go +abroad, with his family, for a couple years; the munificent kindness of +his people having furnished him with the means of doing so. The tender +sympathy and support which she gave him in this hour of extreme weakness +and trial, more than everything else, after the blessing of Heaven, +upheld his fainting spirits and helped to restore him at length to his +chosen work. They set sail for the old world in the steamship Arago, +Capt. Lines, June 26th, amidst a cloud of friendly wishes and +benedictions. + +[1] The friend was Mr. Wm. G. Bull, who had a summer cottage at +Rockaway. He was a leading member of the Mercer street church and one +of the best of men. The poor and unfortunate blessed him all the +year round. To Mrs. Prentiss and her husband he was indefatigable in +kindness. He died at an advanced age in 1859. + +[2] Godman's "American Natural History." + +[3] Mrs. Norman White, mother of the Rev. Erskine N. White, D.D., of New +York. + +[4] Her cousin, whose sudden death occurred under the same roof in +October of the next year. + +[5] "We were all weighed soon after coming here," she wrote, "and my +ladyship weighed 96, which makes me out by far the leanest of the ladies +here. When thirteen years old I weighed but 50 pounds." + +[6] Referring to "Little Susy's Six Birthdays." + +[7] _Little Susy's Little Servants._ + +[8] A Life bid with Christ in God, being a memoir of Susan Allibone. By +Alfred Lee, Bishop of the Protestant Episcopal Church in Delaware. + +[9] See appendix C, p. 539. + +[10] Many years afterward, speaking to a friend of this illness, she +related the following incident. One day she lay, as was supposed, +entirely unconscious and _in articulo mortis_. Repeated but vain +attempts had been made to administer a medicine ordered by the doctor to +be used in case of extremity. Her husband urged one more attempt still; +it might possibly succeed. She heard distinctly every word that was +spoken and instantly reasoned within herself, whether she should consent +or refuse to swallow the medicine. Fancying herself just entering the +eternal city, she longed to refuse but decided it would be wrong and so +consented to come back again to earth. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +IN RETREAT AMONG THE ALPS. + +1858-1860. + +I. + +Life abroad. Letters about the Voyage and the Journey from Havre to +Switzerland. Chateau d'Oex. Letters from there. The Chalet Rosat. The +Free Church of the Canton de Vaud. Pastor Panchaud. + + +Mrs. Prentiss passed more than two years abroad, mostly in Switzerland. +They were years burdened with heavy cares, with ill-health and keen +solicitude concerning her husband. But they were also years hallowed by +signal mercies of Providence, bright every now and then with floods +of real sunshine, and sweetened by many domestic joys. Although quite +secluded from the world a large portion of the time, her solitude was +cheered by the constant arrival of letters from home. During these years +also she was first initiated into full communion with Nature; and what +exquisite pleasure she tasted in this new experience, her own pen will +tell. Indeed, this period affords little of interest except that which +blossomed out of her domestic life, her friendships, and her love of +nature. She travelled scarcely at all and caught only fugitive glimpses +of society or of the treasures of European art. + +A few simple records, therefore, of her retired home-life and of the +impressions made upon her by Alpine scenery, as contained in +her letters, must form the principal part of this chapter. Her +correspondence, while abroad, would make a large volume by itself; in +selecting from it what follows, the aim has been to present, as far +as possible, a continuous picture of her European sojourn, drawn by +herself. Were a faithful picture of its quiet yet varied scenes to be +drawn by another hand, it would include features wholly omitted by her; +features radiant with a light and beauty not of earth. It would reflect +a sweet patience, a heroic fortitude, a tender sympathy, a faith in God +and an upholding, comforting influence, which in sharp exigencies the +Christian wife and mother knows so well how to exercise, and which are +inspired only by the Lord Jesus Himself. + +The friend to whom the following letter was addressed years ago passed +away from earth. But her name is still enshrined in many hearts. The +story of her generous and affectionate kindness, as also that of her +children, would fill a whole chapter. "You will never know how we have +loved and honored you all, _straight through_" wrote Mrs. Prentiss to +one of them, many years later. + +_To Mrs. Charles W. Woolsey, Havre, July 11, 1858._ + +How many times during our voyage we had occasion to think of and thank +you and yours, a dozen sheets like this would fail to tell you. Of all +your kind arrangements for our comfort not one failed of its object. +Whether the chair or my sacque had most admirers I do not know, but +I can't imagine how people ever get across the ocean without such +consolations on the way. As to the grapes they kept perfectly to +the last day and proved delicious; the box then became a convenient +receptacle for the children's toys; while the cake-box has turned into +a medicine-chest. We had not so pleasant a voyage as is usual at this +season, it being cold and rainy and foggy much of the time. However, +none of us suffered much from sea-sickness--Mr. Prentiss not in the +least; his chief discomfort was from want of sleep. On the whole, we had +a less dreary time than we anticipated, and perhaps the stupidity in +which we were engulfed for two weeks was a wholesome refuge from the +excitement of the month previous to our departure. We landed in a +deluge of rain, and the only article in our possession that alarmed the +officers of the Custom House was _not_ the sewing-machine, which was +hardly vouchsafed a look, but your cake-box. We were thankful to tumble +pell-mell into a carriage, and soon to find ourselves in a comfortable +room, before a blazing fire. We go round with a phrase-book and talk +out of it, so if anybody ever asks you what sort of people the Prentiss +family are and what are our conversational powers, you may safely and +veraciously answer, "They talk like a book." M. already asks the French +names of almost everything and is very glad to know that "we have got +at Europe," and when asked how she likes France, declares, "Me likes +_that_." We go off to Paris in the morning. I will let Mr. Prentiss +tell his own story. Meanwhile we send you everyone our warmest love and +thanks. + +After a few days in Paris the family hastened to Chateau d'Oex, where +New York friends awaited them. Chateau d'Oex is a mountain valley in the +canton of Vaud, on the right bank of the Sarine, twenty-two miles east +of Lausanne, and is one of the loveliest spots in Switzerland. Aside +from its natural beauties, it has some historical interest. It was +once the home of the Counts of Gruyere, and the ruins of their ancient +chateau are still seen there. The Free church of the village was at this +time under the care of Pastor Panchaud, a favorite pupil and friend of +Vinet. He was a man of great simplicity and sweetness of character, +an excellent preacher, and wholly devoted to his little flock. Mrs. +Prentiss and her husband counted his society and ministrations a smile +of Heaven upon their sojourn in Chateau d'Oex. + +_To Mrs. Henry B. Smith, Chateau D'Oex July 25, 1858._ + +Our ride from Havre to Paris was charming. We had one of those luxurious +cars, to us unknown, which is intended to hold only eight persons, but +which has room for ten; the weather was perfect, and the scenery all the +way very lovely and quite novel. A. and I kept mourning for you and M. +to enjoy it with us, and both agreed that we would gladly see only half +there was to see, and go half the distance we were going, if we could +only share with you our pleasures of every kind. On reaching Paris and +the hotel we found we could not get pleasant rooms below the fifth +story. They were directly opposite the garden of the Tuileries, where +birds were flying and singing, and it was hard to realise that we were +in the midst of that great city. We went sight-seeing very little. A. +and I strolled about here and there, did a little shopping, stared in at +the shop windows, wished M. had this and you had that, and then strolled +home and panted and toiled and groaned up our five flights, and wrote in +our journals, or rested, or made believe study French. We went to the +Jardin des Plantes in order to let the children see the Zoological +Garden. We also drove through the Bois de Boulogne, and spent part of +an evening in the garden of the Palais Royal, and watched the people +drinking their tea and coffee, and having all sorts of good times. We +found Paris far more beautiful than we expected, and certainly as to +cleanliness it puts New York ages behind. We were four days in coming +from Paris to this place. We went up the lake of Geneva on one of the +finest days that could be asked for, and then the real joy of our +journey began; Paris and all its splendors faded away at once and +forever before these mountains, and as George had never visited Geneva, +or seen any of this scenery, my pleasure was doubled by his. Imagine, if +you can, how we felt when Mt. Blanc appeared in sight! We reached Vevay +just after sunset, and were soon established in neat rooms of quite +novel fashion. The floors were of unpainted white wood, checked off with +black walnut; the stairs were all of stone, the stove was of porcelain, +and every article of furniture was odd. But we had not much time to +spend in looking at things within doors, for the lake was in full view, +and the mountain tops were roseate with the last rays of the setting +sun, and the moon soon rose and added to the whole scene all it wanted +to make us half believe ourselves in a pleasant dream. I often asked +myself, "Can this be I!" "And _if_ it be I, as I hope it be"-- + +Early next morning, which was dear little M.'s birthday, we set off in +grand style for Chateau d'Oex. We hired a monstrous voiture which had +seats inside for four, and on top, with squeezing, seats for three, +besides the driver's seat; had five black horses, and dashed forth in +all our splendor, ten precious souls and all agog. I made a sandwich +between Mr. S. and George on top, and the "bonnes" and children were +packed inside. This was our great day. The weather was indescribably +beautiful; we felt ourselves approaching a place of rest and a welcome +home; the scenery was magnificent, and already the mountain air was +beginning to revive our exhausted souls and bodies. We sat all day hand +in hand, literally "lost in wonder." With all I had heard ever since I +was born about these mountains, I had not the faintest idea of their +real grandeur and beauty. We arrived here just after sunset, and soon +found ourselves among our friends. Mrs. Buck brought us up to our new +home, which we reached on foot (as our voiture could not ascend so high) +by a little winding path, by the side of which a little brook kept +running along to make music for us. It is a regular Swiss chalet, much +like the little models you have seen, only of a darker brown, and on +either side the mountains stand ranged, so that look where we will we +are feasted to our utmost capacity. + +We have four small, but very neat, pretty rooms. Our floors are of +unpainted pine, as white and clean as possible. The room in which we +spend our time, and where I am now writing, I must fully set before +you.... Our centre table has had a nice new red cover put on it to-day, +with a vase of flowers; it holds all our books, and is the ornament of +the room. In front of the sofa is a red rug on which we say our prayers. +Over it is a picture, and over G.'s table is another. Out of the window +you see first a pretty little flower garden, then the valley dotted with +brown chalets, then the background of mountains. Behind the house you go +up a little winding path--and can go on forever without stopping if you +choose--along the sides of which flowers such as we cultivate at home +grow in profusion; you can't help picking them and throwing them away to +snatch a new handful. The brook takes its rise on this side, and runs +musically along as you ascend. Yesterday we all went to church at nine +and a half o'clock, and had our first experience of French preaching, +and I was relieved to find myself understanding whole sentences here +and there. And now I need not, I suppose, wind up by saying we are in +a charming spot. All we want, as far as this world goes, is health +and strength with which to enjoy all this beauty and all this sweet +retirement, and these, I trust, it will give us in time. Isabella "wears +like gold." She is everything I hoped for, and from her there has not +been even a _tone_ of discomfort since we left. But my back aches and my +paper is full. We all send heaps of love to you all and long to hear. + +_August 10th._--We breakfast at eight on bread and honey, which is the +universal Swiss breakfast, dine at one, and have tea at seven. I usually +sew and read and study all the forenoon. After dinner we take our Alpen- +stocks and go up behind the house--a bit of mountain-climbing which +makes me realise that I am no longer a young girl. I get only so high, +and then have to come back and lie down. George and Annie beat me all +to pieces with their exploits. I do not believe we could have found +anywhere in the world a spot better adapted to our needs. How _you_ +would enjoy it! I perfectly yearn to show you these mountains and all +this green valley. The views I send will give you a very good idea of +it, however. The smaller chalet in the print is ours. In a little summer +house opposite Isabella now sits at work on the sewing-machine. My best +love to all three of your dear "chicks," and to your husband if "he's +willin'." + +_To Mrs. H.B. Washburn, Chateau d'Oex, August 21, 1858._ + +... We slipped off without any leave-taking, which I was not sorry for. +I did not want to bid you good-bye. We had to say it far too often as it +was, and, when we fairly set sail we had not an emotion left, but sank +at once into a state of entire exhaustion and stupidity.... We thought +Paris very beautiful until we came in view of the Lake of Geneva, Mt. +Blanc, and other handiworks of God, when straightway all its palaces and +monuments and fountains faded into insignificance. I began to feel that +it was wicked for a few of my friends, who were born to enjoy the land +of lakes and mountains, not to be here enjoying it, and you were one of +them, you may depend. However, whenever I have had any such pangs of +regret in relation to you, I have consoled myself with the reflection +that with your enthusiastic temperament, artist eye, and love of nature, +you never would survive even a glimpse of Switzerland; the land of +William Tell would be the death of you. When you are about eighty years +old, have cooled down about ten degrees below zero, have got a little +dim about the eyes, and a little stiff about the knees, it may possibly +be safe for you to come and break yourself in gradually. I have not +forgotten how you felt and what you did at the White Mountains, you see. + +Well, joking apart, we are in a spot that would just suit you in every +respect. We are not in a street or a road or any of those abominations +you like to shun, but our little chalet, hardly accessible save on foot, +is just tucked down on the side of the gentle slope leading up the +mountain. It is remote from all sights but those magnificent ones +afforded by the range of mountains, the green rich valley, and the +ever-varying sky and cloudland, and all sounds save that of a brook +which runs hurrying down its rocky little channel and keeps us company +when we want it. I ought, however, to add that my view of this +particular valley is that of a novice. People say the scenery here is +tame in comparison with what may be seen elsewhere; but look which way I +will, from front windows or back windows, at home or abroad, I am as one +at a continual feast; and what more can one ask? Mr. Prentiss feels that +this secluded spot is just the place for him, and as it is a good point +from which to make excursions on foot or otherwise, he and Mr. Stearns +have already made several trips and seen splendid sights. How much we +have to be grateful for! For my part, I would rather--far rather--have +come here and stayed here blindfold, than not to have come with my dear +husband. So all I have seen and am experiencing I regard as beauty and +felicity _thrown in_. + +_To Mrs. Abigail Prentiss, Chateau d'Oex, Sept. 5, 1858._ + +I wish we had you, my dear mother, here among these mountains, for the +cool, bracing air would help to build you up. Both Mr. Stearns and +George have come back from Germany looking better than when they started +on their trip two weeks ago. It has been very cold; the thermometer some +mornings at eight o'clock standing at 46, and the mountains being all +covered with snow. We slept with a couple of bottles of hot water at our +feet, and two blankets and a comforter of eiderdown over us, after going +to bed early to get warm. My sewing-machine is a great comfort, and the +peasants enjoy coming down from the mountains to see it. Besides, I find +something to do on it every day. + +I often wish I could set you down in the midst of the church to which we +go every Sunday, if only to show you how the people dress. A bonnet is +hardly seen there; everybody wearing a black silk cap or a bloomer. _I_ +wear a bloomer; a brown one trimmed with brown ribbon. An old lady sits +in front of me who wears a white cap much after the fashion of yours, +and on top of that is perked a monstrous bloomer trimmed with black +gauze ribbon. Her dress is linsey-woolsey, and for outside garment she +wears a black silk half-handkerchief, as do all the rest. No light dress +or ribbon is seen. I must tell you now something that amused A. and me +very much yesterday at dinner. A French gentleman, who married a Spanish +lady four years ago, sits opposite us at the table, and he and his +wife are quite fascinated with M., watch all her motions, and whisper +together about all she does. Yesterday they got to telling us that the +lady had been married when only twelve years old to a gentleman of +thirty-two, had two children, and was a grandmother, though not yet +thirty-six years old. She said she carried her doll with her to her +husband's house, and he made her learn a geography lesson every day till +she was fourteen, when she had a baby of her own. I asked her if she +loved her husband, and she said "Oh, yes," only he was very grave and +scolded her and shut her up when she wouldn't learn her lessons. +She said that her own mother when thirty-six years old had fourteen +children, all of whom are now living, twelve of them boys, and that the +laws of Spain allow the father of six sons to ask a favor for them of +the King, but the father of twelve may ask a favor for each one; so +every one of her brothers had an office under the Government or was an +officer in the army. I don't know when I have been more amused, for she, +like all foreigners, was full of life and gesture, and showed us how she +tore her hair and threw down her books when angry with her husband. + +The children are all bright and well. The first time we took the cars +after landing, M. was greatly delighted. "Now we're going to see +grandma," she cried. Mrs. Buck got up a picnic for her, and had a treat +of raspberries and sponge-cake--frosted. The cake had "M." on the top +in red letters. Baby is full of life and mischief. The day we landed +he said "Papa," and now he says "Mamma." Isabella [1] is everything we +could ask. She is trying to learn French, and A. hears her recite every +night. George found some furnished rooms at Montreux, which he has taken +for six months from October, and we shall thus be keeping house. A. has +just rushed in and snatched her French Bible, as she is going to the +evening service with some of the English family. You will soon hear all +about us from Mr. Stearns. + +The following letter will show how little power either her own cares, or +the charms of nature around her, had to quench her sympathy for friends +in sorrow: + +_To Miss A. H. Woolsey, Chateau D'Oex, Sept. 11, 1858._ + +We received your kind letter this morning. We had already had our +sympathies excited in behalf of you all, by seeing a notice of the death +of the dear little child in a paper lent to us by Mrs. Buck, and were +most anxious to hear all the particulars you have been so good as to +give us. This day, which fifteen years ago we marked with a white stone, +and which we were to celebrate with all our hearts, has passed quite +wearily and drearily. There is something indescribably sad in the +details of the first bereavement which has fallen within the circle +of those we love; perhaps, too, old sorrows of our own clamored for a +hearing; and then, too, there was the conviction, "This is not all death +will do while the ocean severs you from kindred and friends." We longed +to speak to you many words of affectionate sympathy and Christian cheer; +but long before we can make them reach you, I trust you will have felt +sure that you were at least remembered and prayed for. It is a comfort +that no ocean separates us from Him who has afflicted you. The loss to +you each and all is very great, but to the mother of such a child it +is beyond description. Faith alone can bear her through it, but faith +_can_. What a wonderful little creature the sweet Ellie must have been! +We were greatly touched by your account of her singing that beautiful +hymn. It must have been divinely ordered that she should leave such a +precious legacy behind her. And though her loveliness makes her loss the +greater, the loss of an unlovely wayward child would surely be a heavier +grief. + +I never know where to stop when I begin to talk about the death of a +little one; but before I stop I want to ask you to tell Mrs. H. one word +from me, which will not surprise and will perhaps comfort her. It is +this. Neither his father nor myself would be willing to have God now +bereave us of the rich experience of seven years ago, when our noble +little boy was taken away. We have often said this to each other, and +oftener said it to Him, who if He took, also gave much. But after all, +we can not _say_ much to comfort either Mrs. H. or you. We can only +truly, heartily and always sympathise with you.... Mr. Prentiss and Mr. +Stearns have spent a fortnight in jaunting about; beginning at Thun and +ending at Munich. They both came home looking fresher and better than +when they left, but Mr. P. is not at all well now, and will have his ups +and downs, I suppose, for a long time to come.... We can step out at +any moment into a beautiful path, and, turn which way we will, meet +something charming. Yesterday he came back for me, having found a new +walk, and we took our sticks, and went to enjoy it together till we got, +as it were, fairly locked in by the mountains, and could go no further. +Only to think of having such things as gorges and water-falls and +roaring brooks, right at your back door! The seclusion of this whole +region is, however, its great charm to us, and to tell the truth, the +primitive simplicity of style of dress, etc., is quite as charming to me +as its natural beauty. We took tea one night last week with the pastor +of the Free church; he lives in a house for which he pays thirty dollars +a year, and we were quite touched and pleased with his style of living; +white pine walls and floors, unpainted, and everything else to match. We +took our tea at a pine table, and the drawing-room to which we retired +from it, was a corner of the same room, where was a little mite of a +sofa and a few books, and a cheerful lamp burning. + +All this time I have not answered your question about the Fourth of +July. We had great doings, I assure you. Mr. P. made a speech, and ran +up and down the saloon like a war horse. He was so excited and pale that +I did not enjoy it much, thinking any instant he would faint and fall. +Mr. Cleaveland was the orator of the day and acquitted himself very +well, they all said. I was in my berth at the time of its delivery, +saving myself for the dinner and toasts, and so did not hear it. The +whole affair is to be printed. There was a great cry of "Prentiss! +Prentiss!" after the "Captain's dinner," and at last the poor man had to +respond in a short speech to a toast to the ladies. I suppose you know +that he considers all women as angels. Mr. Stearns left us on Thursday +to set his face homewards. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Montreux. The Swiss Autumn. Castle of Chillon. Death and Sorrow of +Friends at Home. Twilight Talks. Spring Flowers. + + +Early in October the family removed to Montreux, at the upper end of the +lake of Geneva, where the next six months were passed in what was then +known as the Maison des Bains. Montreux was at this time the centre of +a group of pleasant villages, scattered along the shore of the lake, or +lying back of it among the hills. One of these villages, Clarens, was +rendered famous in the last century by the pen of Rousseau, and early +in this by the pen of Byron. The grave of Vinet, the noble leader, and +theologian of the Free Church of the canton of Vaud, now renders the +spot sacred to the Christian scholar. Montreux was then a favorite +resort of invalids in quest of a milder climate. At many points it +commands fine views of the lake, and the whole region abounds in +picturesque scenery. The Maison des Bains is said to have long since +disappeared; but in 1858, it seemed to hang upon the side of the +Montreux hill and was one of the most noticeable features of the +landscape, as seen from the passing steamer. + +_To Mrs. Henry B. Smith, Montreux, October 31, 1858._ + +Your letter was a real comfort and I am so thankful to the man that +invented letter-writing that I don't know what to do. We feast on +everything we hear from home, however sick, or weak; it is a sort of +sea-air appetite. Your letters are not a thousandth part long enough, +but if you wrote all the time I suppose they wouldn't be.... You see I +am experimenting with two kinds of ink, hoping my letters may be more +easy to read. George tried it the other day by writing me a little note, +telling me first how he loved me in black ink and then how he loved me +in blue, after which he tore it up; wasn't that a shame? Anna writes +that you seemed miserable the day she was at your house. The fact is, +people of such restless mental activity as you and I, my dear, never +need expect to be well long at a time--for, as soon as we get a little +health we consume it just as children do candy. George and I are both +able, however, to take long walks, and the other day we went to see the +castle of Chillon. I was much impressed with all I saw. Under Byron's +name, which I saw on one of the columns, there were the initials "H. B. +S."--"H. B. Smith," says I. "You don't say so!" cries George, "where? +let me see--oh, I don't think it can be his, for here are some more +letters," which I knew all the time, but for all that H. B. S. _does_ +stand for H. B. Smith. There are ever so many charming walks about here +and from some points the scenery is wonderfully picturesque. I never was +in the country so late as to see the trees after a frost, and although +the foliage here is less brilliant, it is said, than that of American +forests, I find it hard to believe that there can be anything more +beautiful than the wooded mountains covered with the softest tints of +every shade and coloring interspersed with snowcapped peaks and bare, +gray rocks. The glory has departed somewhat within two days, as we have +had a little snow-storm, and the leaves have fallen sadly. We began to +have a fire yesterday and to put on some of our winter clothing; yet +roses bloom just outside our door, and mignonette, nasturtiums, and a +variety of other flowers adorn every house. The Swiss love for flowers +is really beautiful. I wish you would let the children go to the +hot-house which they pass on the way from school and get me some +flower-seeds, as it will be pleasant to me to have the means of giving +pleasure. I presume the gardener would be able to select a dozen or so +of American varieties which would be a treasure here. I amuse myself +with making flower-pictures, with which to enliven our parlor, and +assure you that these works of art are remarkable specimens of genius. I +do not know where the time goes, but I do not have half enough of it, or +else do not understand the art of making the most of it. We have just +subscribed to a library at a franc a month, and hope to read a little +French.... I suppose Z. will be a regular young lady by the time we come +home, and that I shall be afraid of her, as I am of all young ladies. +How nicely she and M. would look in the jaunty little hats they all wear +here. I wonder if the fashion will stretch across the ocean? I dare say +it will. Never was there anything so becoming in the world. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Montreux, Nov. 21, 1858._ + +We were glad to hear from your last letter that you are all so well, +and especially to hear such good accounts of Mr. Stearns. It is a real +comfort to us to find that his little trip has done him so much good. +I was sorry to hear of the loss of that friend of the Thurstons in the +Austria, for I heard Ellen speak of her in the most rapturous manner. +This world is full of mysteries. Only to think of the shock George +received when expecting to meet Mr. Butler in Paris and perhaps spend +several weeks with him there, he heard at Geneva the news of his sudden +death! [2] He loved and honored Mr. B. most warmly and truly. You will +remember that the latter came abroad on account of the health of his +daughter; her younger sister accompanied them, and they were all full +of the brightest anticipations. But the same steamer which brought them +over, carried home his remains on the next trip, and those two poor +young girls are left in a strange land, afflicted and disappointed and +alone. Mr. Butler died a most peaceful and happy death, and George was +very glad to be in Paris in time to comfort the young ladies, who +were perfectly delighted to see him. He got back yesterday very much +exhausted and has spent most of the day on the sofa. A. has a teacher +who comes three times a week from Vevay, and spends most of the day. She +is a young lady of about twenty-five, well educated and accustomed to +teaching, and has taken hold of A. with no little energy. She can not +speak a word of English. Tell your A. we can't get over it that the +horses, dogs and cats here all understand French. I have been ever so +busy fixing and fussing for winter, which has come upon us all in a +rush. Isabella has been bewitched for about a week, having got at last a +letter from her beau, and every speck of work she has done on the sewing +machine was either wrongside out or upside down. While George was gone I +made up a lot of flower-pictures to adorn the walls of our parlor; he is +walking about admiring them, and I wish you would drop in and help him. +He had a real homesick fit to see you all to-day, feeling so tired after +his journey; but seems brighter to-night, and promises faithfully to get +well now, right off. + +_Dec. 5th._--The death of Sarah P. must have excited all your +sympathies. The loss of a little child--and I shudder when I recall +the pangs of such a loss!--can be nothing in comparison with such an +affliction as this. I well remember what a bright young thing she was. +Her poor mother's grief and amazement must be all the greater for the +fact of the perfect vigor and sound health which had, as it were, +assured her of long life and happiness and usefulness. I had an +inexpressible sadness upon me as soon as I heard that she was +dangerously ill; often in such moments one bitterly realises that all +this world's idols are likewise perishable. + +A.'s teacher gives lessons also in a family half an hour from Vevay, who +are going to Germany to spend a year, and she gave such an account of +the place, that George let her persuade him into going to see it, as the +owner desired to rent it during his absence. He took A. with him, as +I could not go. They came back in ecstasies, and have both set their +hearts so on taking it that I should not at all wonder if that should be +the end. We left some of our things at Chateau d'Oex, fully expecting +to return there, but this Vevay country seat with its cherry, apple and +pear trees, its seclusion, its vicinity to reading-room and library, +has quite disgusted George with the idea of spending another summer "en +pension." The family entertained G. and A. very hospitably, gave them a +lunch of bologna sausage, bread and butter, cake, wine and grapes, and +above all, the little girls gave A. two little Guinea pigs, which you +may imagine filled her with delight. The whole affair was very agreeable +to her, as she had not spoken to a child (save M.) since we came to +Montreux. + +_January 3d, 1859._--We read your letter, written at Bedford, with no +little interest and sympathy. While we could not but rejoice that one +more saint had got safely and without a struggle home, we felt the +exceeding disappointment you must have had in losing the last smile you +came so near receiving. [3] I think you had a sort of presentiment last +winter what this one might bring forth, for I remember your saying it +would probably be the last visit to you, and that you wanted to make it +as pleasant as possible. And pleasant I do not doubt you and the whole +household made it to her. Still there always will be regrets and vain +wishes after the death of one we love. What a pity that we can not be +to our friends while they live all we wish we had been after they have +gone! George and I feel an almost childish clinging to mother, while we +hope and believe she will live to bless us if we ever return home. + +_Jan. 23d._--We have been afflicted in the sudden death of our dear +friend, Mrs. Wainwright. The news came upon us without preparation--for +she was ill only a few days--and was a great shock to us. You and mother +know what she was to us during the whole time of our acquaintance +with her; I loved her most heartily. I can not get over the saddening +impression which such deaths cause, by receiving new ones; our lives +here are so quiet and uneventful, that we have full leisure to meditate +on the breaches already made in our circle of friends at home, and to +forebode many more such sorrowful tidings. Mrs. Wainwright was like a +_mother_ to me, and I am too old to take up a new friend in her place. +[4] + +I do not know whether I mentioned the afflictions of my cousin H. They +have been very great, and have excited my sympathies keenly. Her first +child died when eighteen months old, after a feeble, suffering life. +Then the second child, an amiable, loving creature--I almost see her now +sitting up so straight with her morsel of knitting in her hands!--she +was taken sick and died in five days. Her sister, about eight years old, +came near dying of grief; she neither played, ate or slept, and they +wrote me that her wails of anguish were beyond description. Just as she +was getting a little over the first shock, the little boy, then +about three years old, died suddenly of croup. Poor H. is almost +broken-hearted. I have felt dreadfully at being away when she was so +afflicted; they had not been long enough in New York to have a minister +of their own, and they all said, oh, if George and I had only been +there! + +Her letters during the rest of the winter are tinged with the sadness +caused by these and other distressing afflictions among friends at +home. Her sympathies were kept under a constant strain. But her letters +contain also many gleams of sunshine. Although very quiet and secluded, +and often troubled by torturing neuralgic pains, as well as by sudden +shocks of grief, her life at Montreux was not without its own peculiar +joys. One of the greatest of these was to while away the twilight or +evening hours in long talks with her husband about home and former days. +Distance, together with the strange Alpine scenes about her, seemed to +have the effect of a score of years in separating her from the past, and +throwing over it a mystic veil of tenderness and grace. Old times and +old friends, when thus viewed from the beautiful shores of Lake Leman, +appeared to the memory in a softened light and invested with something +of that ideal loveliness which the grave itself imparts to the objects +of our affections. Many of these old friends, indeed, had passed through +the Grave--some, long before, some recently--and to talk of _them_ was +sweet talk about the blessed home above, as well as the home beyond the +ocean. + +Another joy that helped to relieve the monotony and weariness of the +Montreux life, was in her children; especially as, on the approach of +spring, she wandered with them over the hill-sides in quest of flowers; +then her delight knew no bounds. In a letter to Mrs. Washburn, dated +March 19, she writes: + +M. and G. catch A.'s and my enthusiasm, and come with their little hands +full of dandelions, buttercups and daisies, and their hats full of +primroses. Even Mr. Prentiss conies in with his hands full of crocuses, +purple and white, and lots of an extremely pretty flower, "la fille +avant la mere," which he gathers on the mountains where I can not +climb.... I often think of you and Mrs. B----, when I revel among the +beautiful profusion of flowers with which this country is adorned. So +early as it is, the hills and fields are _covered_ with primroses, +daisies, cowslips, violets, lilies, and I don't know what not; in five +minutes we can gather a basketful. + + * * * * * + +III. + +The Campagne Genevrier. Vevay. Beauty of the Region. Letters. Birth of a +Son. Visit from Professor Smith. Excursion to Chamouni. Whooping-cough +and Scarlet-fever among the Children. Doctor Curchod. Letters. + + +At the end of March the family removed to the campagne Genevrier, about +two miles back of Vevay, in the direction of St. Leger. At one point +it overlooked the town and the lake, and commanded a fine view of the +mountains of Savoy and of the distant Jura range. On the opposite shore +of the lake is the village where Lord Byron passed some time in 1816, +and where he is said to have written the wonderful description of a +thunder-storm, in the third canto of Childe Harold. At all events the +very scene, so vividly depicted by him, was witnessed from Genevrier. +[5] + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Genevrier, April 5, 1859_ + +Your letter describing how nicely your party went off, followed us from +Montreux, to enliven us here in our new home. We only wish we could have +been there. You need not have apologised for giving so many details, for +it is just such little events of your daily life that we want to hear +about. My mouth quite waters for a bit of the cake they sent you; I +remember Mrs. Dr. J. and others used to send us big loaves which were +delicious, and such as I never tasted out of Newark. We came here last +Thursday in a great snow-storm, which was cheerless and cold enough +after the warm weather we had had for so many weeks. I do not suppose +more snow fell on any day through the winter, and we all shivered and +lamented and huddled over the fire at a great rate. Yet I have just been +driven indoors by the heat of the sun, having begun to write at a little +table just outside the house, and fires and snow have disappeared. +George has gone to town with Jules in the wagon to buy sugar, oil, oats, +buttons, and I do not know what not, and is no doubt thinking of you +all; for we do nothing but cry out how we wish you were here with us to +enjoy this beautiful spot. We are entirely surrounded by mountains in +the distance, and with green fields, vineyards, and cultivated grounds +nearer home. How your children would delight in the flowers, the white +doves, the seven little tiny guinea pigs, no bigger than your Annie's +hand shut up, and the ample, neat play-places all about us. I can't tell +you how George and I enjoy seeing M. trotting about, so eager and so +happy, and gathering up, as we hope, health and strength every hour! We +find the house, on the whole, very convenient, and it is certainly as +pleasant as can be; every room cheerful and every window commanding a +view which is ravishing. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Genevrier, April 7, 1859._ + +You will be surprised, I dare say, to hear that I am writing out of +doors; I can hardly, myself, believe that it is possible to do so with +comfort and safety at this season, but it is perfectly charming weather, +neither cold or hot, and with a small shawl and my bloomer on, I am out +a large part of the day. You would fly here in a balloon if you knew +what a beautiful spot we are in. We are surrounded with magnificent +views of both the lake and the mountains, and can not turn in any +direction without being ravished. The house is pretty, and in most +respects well and even handsomely furnished; damask curtains, a Titian, +a Rembrandt, and a Murillo in the parlor; the floors are waxed and +carpetless, to be sure, but Mrs. Buck has given us lots of large pieces +of carpeting such as are used in this country to cover the middle of the +rooms, and these will make us comfortable next winter. But the winters +here are so short that one hardly gets fixed to meet them, when they are +over. + +We have quite a nice garden, from which we have already eaten lettuce, +spinach, and parsley; our potatoes were planted a day or two ago, and +our peas are just up. One corner of the house, unconnected with our +part, is occupied by a farmer who rents part of the land; he is obliged +to do our marketing, etc., and we get milk and cream from him. I wish +the latter was as easy to digest as it is palatable and cheap. They beat +it up here till it looks like pure white lather and eat it with sugar. +The grounds about our house are very neat and we shall have oceans of +flowers of all sorts; several kinds are in full bloom now. The wild +flowers are so profuse, so beautiful and so various that A. and I are +almost demented on the subject. From the windows I see first the wide, +gravelled walk which runs round the house; then a little bit of a green +lawn in which there is a little bit of a pond and a tiny _jet d'eau_ +which falls agreeably on the ear; beyond this the land slopes gently +upward till it is not land but bare, rugged mountain, here and there +sprinkled with snow and interspersed with pine-trees. The sloping land +is ploughed up and men and women are busy sowing and planting; too far +off to disturb us with noise, but looking, the women at least, rather +picturesque in their short blue dresses and straw hats. On the right +hand the Dent du Midi is seen to great advantage; it is now covered with +snow. The little village of St. Leger lies off in the distance; you can +just see its roofs and the quaint spire of a very old church; otherwise +you see next to no houses, and the stillness is very sweet. _Now_ won't +you come? The children seem to enjoy their liberty greatly, and are +running about all the time. They have each a little garden and I hope +will live out of doors all summer. + +The state of her health during the next three months was a source of +constant and severe suffering, but could not quench her joy in the +wonders of nature around her. "My drives about this lovely place," she +wrote in June, "have begun to give me an _immense_ amount of pleasure; +indeed, my faculty for enjoyment is so great, that I sometimes think one +day's felicity pays for weeks of misery, and that if it hadn't been +for my poor health, I should have been _too_ happy here." Nor did her +suffering weaken in the least her sympathy with the troubles of her +friends at home. While for the most part silent as to her own peculiar +trials, her letters were full of cheering words about theirs. To one of +these she wrote at this time: + +God has taken care that we should not enjoy so much of this world's +comfort since we left home as to _rest_ in it. Your letters are so sad, +that I have fancied you perhaps overestimated our situation, feeling +that you and your feeble husband were bearing the burden and heat of +the day while we were standing idle. My dear ----, there are trials +everywhere and in every sphere, and every heart knoweth its own +bitterness, or else physical burdens are sent to take the place of +mental depression. After all, it will not need more than _an hour_ in +heaven to make us ashamed of our want of faith and courage here on +earth. Do cheer up, dear child, and "look aloft!" Poor Mr. ----! I know +his work is hard and up the hill, but it will not be _lost_ work and can +not last forever. It seems to me God might accept with special favor +the services of those who "_toil_ in rowing." After all, it is not the +_amount_ of work He regards, but the spirit with which it is done. + +Early in July she was made glad by the birth of her sixth child--her +"Swiss boy," as she liked to call him. Her gladness was not a little +increased by a visit soon after from Professor Henry B. Smith, of the +Union Theological Seminary. This visit was one of the memorable events +of her life abroad. Professor Smith was not merely a great theologian +and scholar; he was also a man of most attractive personal qualities. +And, when unbending among friends from his exacting literary labors, +the charm of his presence and conversation was perfect. His spirits ran +high, and he entered with equal zest into the amusements of young or +old. His laugh was as merry as that of the merriest girl; no boy took +part more eagerly in any innocent sport; nobody could beat him in +climbing a mountain. He was a keen observer, and his humor--sometimes +very dry, sometimes fresh and bright as the early dew--rendered his +companionship at once delightful and instructive. His learning and +culture were so much a part of himself, that his most familiar talk +abounded in the happiest touches about books and art and life. All his +finest traits were in full play while he was at Genevrier, and, when he +left, his visit seemed like a pleasant dream. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Genevrier, July 25th._ + +I am only too glad of the chance your husband gives me to write you +another bit of a note. We are enjoying his visit amazingly. There are +only two drawbacks to its felicity; one is that he won't stay all +summer, and the other that you are not here. The children were enchanted +with the presents he brought them. When I shall be on my feet and well +and strong again time only can tell. A. has _devoted_ herself to me in +the sweetest way. What she has been to me all winter and up to this +time, tongue could not tell. My doctor is as kind as a brother. He was +a perfect stranger to me, and was brought to my bedside when I was +writhing in agony; but in ten minutes his tenderness and sympathy made +me forget that he was a stranger, and, through that long night of +distress and the long day that followed, he did _every_ thing that +mortal could do to relieve and comfort me. He brought his wife up to see +me the other day, and I begged her to tell him how grateful I felt. "He +_is_ kind," she answered, "but then he _loves you so!_" (They both +speak English.) I am so puffed up by his praises! I am sure I thought I +groaned, but he says "pas une gemissement." + +_August 14th._--Our two husbands have gone to Lausanne for the day, +taking A. with them. They seem to be having real nice times together, +and if, as your husband says, "his old wife were here," his felicity and +ours would be too great. They lounge about, talk, drink soda-water, and +view the prospect. Dr. Buck came up from Geneva on Thursday and spent +the night and part of Friday with us, and it would have done you good to +hear him and your husband laugh. He was quite enchanted with the place, +and says we never shall want to go home. _August 23d._--Your husband has +given me leave to write you a little bit of a note out of my little bit +of a heart on this little bit of paper. He and A. have just gone off to +get some pretty grass for you. He will tell you when he gets home how +he baptized his namesake on Sunday. We have enjoyed his visit more than +tongue can tell. George says _he_ has enjoyed it as much as he thought +he should, and I am sure I have enjoyed it a great deal more, as I have +been so much better in health than I expected. But how you must miss +him! + +On the 12th of September--a faultless autumn day--she set out with her +husband and eldest daughter for Chamouni. It was her first excursion +for pleasure since coming to Switzerland. A visit to this great and +marvelous handiwork of God is an event in the dullest life. In her +case the experience was so full of delight, that it seemed almost to +compensate for the cares and disappointments of the whole previous year. +The plan was to return to Genevrier and then pass on to the Bernese +Oberland, but the visit to Chamouni proved to be her last as well as her +first pleasure excursion in Switzerland. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Genevrier, October 2, 1859._ + +I have, been so absorbed with anxiety about the children since we +got back from our journey, that I have not felt like writing you a +description of it. George told you, I suppose, that the news awaiting us +when we reached Vevay was of the baby's having whooping-cough. It was +a great shock to us, for the weather was dismally cold, and it did not +seem as if the little thing could get safely through the disease at so +unfavorable a time of year. Then there were the other two to have it +also. On Friday last baby's cry had become a sad sort of wail, and he +was so pale and weak, that I did not see how he was going to rally; but +he is better to-day, so that I begin to take breath.... To go back to +Chamouni, it seems a mercy that we went when we did. We enjoyed the +whole trip. We made the excursion to the Mer de Glace in a pouring rain, +without injury to any of us, and were well repaid for our trouble by the +novelty of the whole expedition and the extraordinary sights we saw. +George intended taking us to the Oberland if we found the children +well on our return, but all hope of accomplishing another journey was +destroyed when we found what different business was before us. It is a +real disappointment, for the weather is now mild and very fine, just +adapted to journeying, and so many things have conspired to confine +me to this spot, that I have found it quite hard to be as patient and +cheerful as I am sure I ought to be. Alas and alas! what an insatiable +thing human nature is! How it craves _every_ thing the world can offer, +instead of contenting itself with what ought to content it. However, I +shall soon get over my fidgets, and as to George, of course he is only +disappointed for me and A., as he has visited the Oberland, and was only +going to give us pleasure. And, if I must choose between the two, I'd +rather have the littlest baby in the world than see all the biggest +mountains in it. We are thankful to hear that mother still continues to +be so well. We long to see her, and I think a look at her or a smile +from her would do George good like a medicine. + +_October 17th._--I went to church yesterday for the first time in ten +months; we came out at half-past ten, so you see we have a tolerably +long day before us when church is done. It is not at all like going to +church at home; you not only find it painful to listen with such strict +attention as the foreign tongue requires, but you miss the neat, +well-ordered sanctuary, the picture of family life (for there are +no little children present!) and the agreeable array of dress. The +flapping, monstrous bloomers tire your eyes, and so do the grotesque, +coarse clothes and the tokens of extreme poverty. I grow more and more +patriotic every day, and am astonished at what I see and hear of life in +Europe. + +I snatched one afternoon when the baby was better than usual to go to +Villeneuve with George to call on Mr. and Mrs. H. and the sister of Mrs. +H., who is one of our Mercer street young ladies. They were at the Hotel +Byron, where you stayed. What a beautiful spot it is! Mr. H. afterwards +came and dined with us, and was so charmed with the place that he was +tempted to take it when we leave; his wife, however, had set her heart +on going home at that time, as she had left one child there. The vintage +is going on here at Genevrier to-day, and we are all invited to go and +eat our fill. + +_To Mrs. Henry B. Smith, Genevrier, Oct. 20, 1859._ + +You ask how I find time to make flower-pictures. Why, I have been +confined to the house a good deal by the baby's sickness, and could +hardly set myself about anything else when I was not watching and +worrying about him. When we got home from Chamouni we found him with +what proved to be a very serious disease in the case of so young a +child. It has shaken his little frame nearly to pieces, leaving him +after weeks of suffering not much bigger than a doll, and all eyes and +bones. It was a pretty hard struggle for life, and I hardly know how he +has weathered the storm. The idea of leaving our dear little Swiss baby +in a little Swiss grave, instead of taking him home with us, was very +distressing to me, and I can not help earnestly desiring that death may +not assail us in this foreign land. + +Our trip to Chamouni was very pleasant and did me a deal of good. If I +could have kept on the mule-riding and mountain-viewing a few weeks +I should have got quite built up, but the children's coughs made it +impossible to take any more journeys. Mr. de Palezieux, our landlord, +called Monday to see if I would sell him my sewing-machine, as his wife +was crazy to have one, and didn't feel as if she could wait to get one +from New York. I told him I would, and all night could not sleep for +teaching him how to use it--for his wife is in Germany, and he had to +learn for her. I invited him to come to dinner on Wednesday and take his +lessons. On Tuesday George said he wanted me to make a pair of sleeves +for Mrs. Tholuck before the machine went off, so I went to town to get +the stuff, at three o'clock began the sleeves and worked like a lion for +a little over two hours, when they were done, beautifully. This morning +I made four collars, which I shall want for Christmas presents, and a +shirt for Jules (our old hired man), who never had one made of linen, +and will go off the handle when he gets it. So I am tolerably used up, +and shall be almost glad to send away the tempter to-morrow, though I +dare say I shall miss it. I wish you could look out of my window this +minute, and see how beautiful the autumnal foliage is already beginning +to look. But my poor old head, what shall I do with it! You ask about +my health; I am as well as I can be without sleep. I have had only one +really good night since the baby came, to say nothing of those before; +some worse than others, to be sure; but all wakeful to a degree that +tries my faith not a little. I don't see what is to hinder my going +crazy one of these days. However, I won't if I can help it. George goes +to Germany this week. Well, my dear, good-bye. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Dec. 12th._ + +George got home a fortnight ago, after his three weeks' absence; looking +nicely, and more like himself than I have seen him in a long time. He +had a most refreshing time in Germany among his old friends. It does my +heart good to see him so cheery and hopeful. I have just seen the three +babies safely in bed, after no little scampering and carrying-on, and +now am ready for a little chat with you and dear mother. George sits by +me, piously reading "Adam Bede." I was disappointed in the "Minister's +Wooing," which he brought from Germany, and can not think Mrs. Stowe +came up to herself this time, whatever the newspapers may say about it; +and as for the plot, I don't see why she couldn't have let Mary +marry good old Dr. Hopkins, who was vastly more of a man than that +harum-scarum James. As to "Adam Bede," I think it a wonderful book, +beyond praise. I hope these literary observations will be blessed to +you, my dear. Mrs. Tholuck sent me a very pretty worsted cape to wear +about house, or under a cloak. We went to Lausanne last Wednesday +(George, A. and I) to do a little shopping for Christmas, and had quite +a good time, only as life is always mingled in sweet and bitter, bitter +and sweet, we had the melancholy experience of finding, when we got +ready to come home, that Jules had taken a drop too much, and was in a +state of ineffable silliness, which made George prefer to drive himself. + +We begin now to think and talk about Paris. We have been buying this +afternoon some Swiss chalets and other things, brought to the door by +two women, and I had hard work to keep George from taking a bushel or +two. He got leaf-cutters enough to stab all his friends to the heart. +Most of our lady friends will receive a salad-spoon and fork from one +or the other of us. In fact, I have no doubt we shall be seized at the +Custom-house as merchants in disguise. Well, I must bid you good night. + +The latter part of December her husband was requested to go to Paris and +take the temporary charge of the American chapel there. He decided to do +so, with the understanding that she and the children should soon follow +him. But scarcely had he left Geneva, when first one and then another of +the children was seized with scarlet fever. Here are a few extracts from +her letters on the subject: + +_Dec. 31st._--Jules had hardly gone to the office, when I became +satisfied that G. had scarlet fever beyond a doubt, and therefore sent +Jeanette instantly to town to tell the doctor so, and to ask him to come +up. He came, and said at once I was quite right.... As to our leaving +here, he said decidedly that it _could_ not be under less than forty +days. I can not tell you, my darling, how grieved I am for you to hear +this news. Now I know your first impulse will be to come home, and +perhaps to renounce the chaplaincy, but I beg you to think twice--thrice +before you decide to do so.... How one thing hurries on after another! +But it is the universal cry, everywhere; everybody is groaning and +travailing in pain together; and we shall doubtless learn, in eternity, +that our lot was not peculiar, but that we had millions of unknown +fellow-sufferers on the way. Don't be too disappointed, but let us +rather be thankful, that if our poor children must be sick, it was here +and not in Paris, and now, good night. Betake yourself to your knees, +when you have read this, and pray for us with all your might. + +Jan. 5, 1860.--The doctor has been here and says the other children +must not meet G. till the end of this month, unless they are taken sick +meantime. Poor M. melted like a snow-flake in the fire, when she heard +that; she begins to miss her little playmate, and keeps running to say +things to him through the key-hole, and to serenade him with singing, +accompanied with a rattling of knives. I see but one thing to be done; +for you to stay and preach and me to stay and nurse, each in the place +God has assigned us.... You must pray for me, that I may be patient and +willing to have my coming to Europe turn out a failure as far as my +special enjoyment of it is concerned. There are better things than going +to Paris, being with you and hearing you preach; pray that I may have +them in full measure. I can't bear to stop writing--good-bye, my dearest +love! + +_Jan. 15th_--If you could look in upon us this evening, you would be not +a little surprised to see me writing in the corner of my room, close to +the wash-stand where my lamp is placed; but you would see at a glance +that the curtain of the bed is let down to shade our darling little M.'s +eyes, as she lies close at my side. How sorry I am, as you can not see +all this, to have to tell it to you! I have let her decide for me, and +she wants dear papa to know that she is sick. Oh, why need I add another +care to those you already suffer on our account!... As to baby, we are +disposed to think that _he has had the fever_. Of course we do not know, +but it is pleasant to hope the best.... And now, my precious darling, +you see there is more praying work to do, as I hinted in my Saturday's +note when my heart was pretty heavy within me. I need not tell you what +to ask for the dear child; but for me do pray that I may have no will of +my own. All these trials and disappointments are so purely Providential +that it frightens me to think I may have much secret discontent about +them, or may like to plan for myself in ways different from God's plans. +Yet in the midst of so much care and fatigue I hardly know how I +do feel; I am like a feather blown here and there by an unexpected +whirlwind and I suppose I ought not to expect much of myself. "Though He +slay me yet will I trust in Him," I keep saying over and over to myself, +and if you are going to write a new sermon this week, suppose you take +that for your text. I have not had one regret that you went to Paris, +and as to your coming on, I do hope you will not think of it, unless +you are sent for. You could do nothing and would be very lonely and +uncomfortable. The doctor told me to tell you to stay where you were, +and that you ought to rejoice that the children are not sick in Paris. +I do trust that in the end we shall come forth from this troublous time +like gold from the furnace. So far I have been able to do all that was +necessary and I trust I shall continue so. God bless you, and bring us +to a happy meeting in His own good time! + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Genevrier, Jan. 21, 1860._ + +... Boiling over does one good of itself, and I am sure you feel the +better for having done so. I do not know why _men_ seem to get along +without such reliefs as women almost always seek in this way; whether +there is less water in their kettles or whether their kettles are bigger +than ours and boil with more safety. It is a comfort to believe that, +whatever our troubles, in the end all will work together for our good. +The new year has opened upon us here at Genevrier pretty gloomily, as +George has told you. You will not be surprised, therefore, to hear that +M. is also quite sick, much sicker than G. She is one of those meek, +precious little darlings whom it is painful to see suffer, and I have +hardly known what I was about, or where I was, since she was taken down. +My baby is deserted by us all; I have only seen him in _moments_ for +three weeks. You can not think how lonely poor A. is; half the time she +eats alone in the big solitary dining-room; nobody has any time to walk +out with her, what few children she knew are afraid to come here or to +have her come nigh them, and I feel as if I should fly, when I think of +it--for she is not strong or well and her life here in Switzerland has +been a series of disappointments and anxieties. The only leisure moments +I can snatch in the course of the twenty-four hours I have to spend in +writing to George; but the last few evenings M. has slept, so that I +could play a game of chess with her and try to cheer and brace her up +against next day's dreariness. All her splendid dreams of getting off +from this solitude to the life and stir of Paris have been dissipated, +but she has never uttered one word of complaint; I have not heard her +say as much as "Isn't it too bad!" And indeed we ought none of us to say +so or to feel so, for the doctor assures me that for three such delicate +children as he considers ours, to pass safely through whooping-dough and +scarlet-fever, is a perfect wonder and that he is sure it is owing to +the pure country air. And when I think how different a scene our house +might present if our three little ones had been snatched away, as three +or four even have been from other families, I am ashamed of myself that +I dare to sigh, that I am lonely and friendless here, or that I have +anything to complain of. It has been no small trial, however, to pass +through such anxieties in so remote a place, with George gone; while on +the other hand I have been most thankful that he has been spared all +the details of the children's ailments, and permitted once more to feel +himself about his Master's business. Providence most plainly called him +to Paris, and I trust he will stay there and get good till we can join +him. But I feel uneasy about him, too, lest his anxiety about the +children should hang as a dead weight on his not quite rested head and +heart. At any rate, I shall be tolerably glad to see him again at the +end of our two months' separation. How I should love to drop in on you +to-night! Doesn't it seem as if one _could_ if one tried hard enough! +Well, good night to you. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Genevrier, Jan. 29, 1860._ + +I believe George has written you about our private hospital. He had not +been gone to Paris forty-eight hours when G. was taken sick; that was a +month ago, and I have only tasted the air twice in all that time. G. had +the disease lightly. M., poor little darling, was much sicker than he +was. It is a fortnight since she was taken and she hardly sits up at +all; an older child would be in bed, but little ones never will give up +if they can help it; I suppose it is because they can be held in the +arms and rocked, and carried about. I have passed through some most +anxious hours on account of M., and it seems little less than a miracle +that she is still alive. The baby is well, and he is a nice little rosy +fellow. It was a dreadful disappointment to us to be detained here +instead of going to Paris. I felt that I couldn't live longer in such +entire solitude; and just then, lo and behold, George was whisked off +and I was shut up closer than ever. It is a great comfort to me that he +got off just when he did, and has had grace to stay away; on the other +hand, I need not say how his absence has aggravated my cares, how +solitary the season of anxiety has been, and how, at times, my faith and +courage have been put to their utmost stretch. The whole thing has +been so evidently ordered and planned by God that I have not dared to +complain; but, my dear child, if you had come in now and then with a +little of your strengthening talk, I can't deny I should have been most +thankful. It has been pretty trying for George to hear such doleful +accounts from home, but I hope the worst is over, and that we shall be +the wiser and the better for this new lesson of life. Dr. Curchod's rule +is the same as Dr. Buck's--forty days confinement to one room; so we +have a month more to spend here. I am afraid I am writing a gloomy +letter. If I am, you must try to excuse me and say, "Poor child, she +isn't well, and she hasn't had any good sleep lately, and she's tired, +and I don't believe she _means_ to grumble." Do so much for me, and +I'll do as much for you sometime. I hear your husband has taken up a +Bible-class. It is perfectly shocking. Does he _want_ to kill himself, +or what ails him? The pleasantest remembrance we shall have of this +place is his visit.... Our doctor and his family stand out as bright +lights in this picture; he has been like a brother in sympathy and +kindness. We shall never forget it. God has been so good to you and to +me in sparing our children when assailed by so fearful a disease, that +we ought to love Him better than we ever did. I do so want my weary +solitude to bear that fruit. + + * * * * * + +IV. + +Paris. Sight-seeing. A sick Friend. London and its Environs. The Queen +and Prince Albert. The Isle of Wight. Homeward. + + +On the 20th of February the family gladly bade adieu to Switzerland +and set out for Paris, arriving there on the morning of the 22d. Mrs. +Prentiss was overjoyed to find herself once more in the world. On the +23d she wrote to Mrs. Smith: + +We have got here safe and sound with our little batch of invalids. They +bore the journey very well and are heartily glad to get into the world +again. I am chock-full of worldliness. All I think of is dress and +fashion, and, on the whole, I don't know that you are worth writing to, +as you were never in Paris and don't know the modes, and have perhaps +foolishly left off hoops and open sleeves. I long, however, to hear from +you and your new babby, and will try to keep a small spot swept clear of +finery in my heart of hearts, where you can sit down when you've a mind. +Our little fellow is getting to be a sweet-looking baby, with what his +nurse calls a most "gracieuse" smile--if you can guess what kind of a +smile that is. But he is getting teeth and is looking delicate and soft, +and your Hercules will knock him down, I know. + +But Paris was far from fulfilling to her or to the children the bright +anticipations with which it had been looked forward to from lonely +Genevrier. The weather could hardly have been worse; the house soon +became another hospital; and sight-seeing was a task. Friends, however, +soon gathered about her, and by their hospitality and little kindnesses, +relieved the tedium of the weary days. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Paris, March 27, 1860._ + +We pass many lonely hours in this big city, and often long for you and +Mr. Stearns to drop in, or for a chance to run in to see dear mother. +Getting nearer home makes it attractive. It works in the natural life +just as it does in the spiritual in that respect. The weather is +_dreadful_ and has been for five months--scarcely one cheery day in that +whole time. What with this and the children's ill-health, I should not +wonder if we left Paris as ignorant of its beauties as when we came. But +I hope we shall not let that worry us too much, but rather be thankful +that, bad as things are, they are not so bad as they might be. Our +sympathies are greatly excited now for the Rev. Mr. Little, formerly of +Bangor, who is in Paris--alone, friendless, and sick. If we could +by any miraculous power stretch our scanty accommodations, we should +certainly take him home and nurse him till his wife could be got here. +You know, perhaps, that Mrs. Little is a daughter of Dr. Cornelius; and, +when I recall the love and honor I was taught to feel towards him when I +was a little girl, my heart quite yearns towards her, especially in this +time of fearful anxiety about her husband. How insignificant my own +trials look to me, when I think of the sorrow which is probably before +her. + +_April 26th._--Our patience is still tried by the cold, damp, and most +unwholesome weather, which prevents the children from going to see +anything. But we do not care so much for ourselves or for them as for +poor Mr. Little, who is exceedingly feeble, chiefly confined to his +room, and so forlorn in this strange, homeless land. While George was +with him last evening, he had a bad fit of coughing, which resulted in +the raising of a gill or so of blood. I know you will feel interested +to hear about him, and will not wonder that our hearts are so full of +sympathy for him and for his poor wife, that we can hardly talk of +anything else. He expects her in about a week. What a coming to Europe +for her! How little those who stand on the shore to watch the +departure of a foreign steamer, know what they do when they envy its +passengers!... We buckled on our armor and began sight-seeing the other +day, going to see the Sainte Chapelle and the galleries and museum of +the Louvre among the rest. The Sainte Chapelle is quite unlike anything +I ever saw and delighted us extremely. As to the Louvre, one needs +several entire days to do justice to it, besides an amount of youthful +enthusiasm and bodily strength which we do not possess; for, amid +midnight watchings over our sick children and the like, the oil of +gladness has about burnt out, and we find sight-seeing a weary task. + +_May 25th._--It does seem as if George's preaching was listened to with +more and more serious attention, and it may be seen long after he has +rested from his labors on earth, that he has done a good work here. We +both are much interested in Professor [6] Huntington's sermons, [7] sent +us by Miss W. This is a great deal for me to say, because I do not like +to read sermons. During the last three weeks, before Mr. and Mrs. Little +left, we accomplished very little. It was not that we did or could do so +very much for them, but they had nobody to depend on but us, and George +was constantly going back and forth trying to make them comfortable, +arranging all their affairs, etc. She had a weary, anxious two weeks +here, and now has set her face homewards, not knowing but Mr. L. may +sink before reaching America. It is a great comfort to us to have been +able to soothe them somewhat as long as they stayed in Paris. George +says it was worth coming here for that alone. I say _we,_ but I _mean_ +George, for what was done he did. The most I could do was to feel +dreadfully for them. [8] + +We are now to begin sight-seeing again, and do all we can as speedily as +possible, for only two weeks remain. The children are now pretty well. +The baby is at that dangerous age when they are forever getting upon +their feet and tumbling over backward on their heads. M. is the oddest +little soul. Belle says she would rather go to a funeral than see all +the shops in Paris, and, when they are out, she can hardly keep her from +following every such procession they meet. I asked her the last time +they went out if she had had a nice walk. She said not very nice, as she +had only seen _one_ pretty thing, and that was a police-officer taking a +man to jail. The idea of going to England is very pleasant, and, if we +only keep tolerably well, I think it will do us all good. What is dear +mother doing about these times? I always think of her as sitting by the +little work-table in her room, knitting and watching the children. Give +lots of love and kisses to her, and tell her we long to see her face to +face. Kiss all the children for us--I suppose they'll let _you_! boys +and all--and you may do as much for Mr. S. if you want to. Good-bye. + +On the 7th of June the family left Paris for London. A first visit to +England-- + + That precious stone set in the silver sea-- + +is always an event full of interest to children of the New England +Puritans. The "sceptered isle" is still in a sense their mother-country, +and a thousand ancestral ties attract them to its shores. There is no +other spot on earth where so many lines of their history, domestic +and public, meet. And in London, what familiar memories are for them +associated with almost every old street and lane and building! + +The winter and spring of 1860 had been cold, wet and cheerless well-nigh +beyond endurance; and the summer proved hardly less dreary. It rained +nearly every day, sometimes all day and all night; the sun came out only +at long intervals, and then often but for a moment; the atmosphere, much +of the time, was like lead; the moon and stars seemed to have left the +sky; even the English landscape, in spite of its matchless verdure and +beauty, put on a forbidding aspect. All nature, indeed, was under a +cloud. This, added to her frail health, made the summer a very trying +one to Mrs. Prentiss, and yet it afforded her not a little real delight. +Some of her pleasantest days in Europe were spent in England. The +following extracts are from a little journal kept by her in London: + +_June 10th._--We went this morning to hear Dr. Hamilton, and were +greatly edified by the sermon, which was on the text: "Hitherto hath the +Lord helped us." In the afternoon we decided to go to Westminster Abbey. +It began to rain soon after we got out, and we had a two miles' walk +through the mud. The old abbey looked as much like its picture as it +could, but pictures can not give a true idea of the grandeur of such a +building. We were a little late, and every seat was full and many were +standing, as we had to do through the whole service. The sermon struck +me as a very ordinary affair, though it was delivered by a lord. But the +music was so sweet, performed for aught I know by angel--for the choir +was invisible--and we stood surrounded by such monuments and covered by +such a roof, that we were not quite throwing away our time. Albert B---- +dined with us, and in the evening, with one accord, we went to hear Dr. +Hamilton again. We had good seats and heard a most beautiful as well as +edifying discourse on the first verses of the 103d Psalm. Some of the +images were very fine, and the whole tone of the sermon was moderate, +sensible, and serious. I use these words advisedly, for I had an +impression that he was a flowery, popular man whom I should not relish. +At the close of the service a little prayer-meeting of half an hour was +held, and we came home satisfied with our first English Sunday, feeling +some of our restless cravings already quieted as only contact with God's +own people could quiet them. + +_11th._--Went to see the Crystal Palace. It proved a fine day, and we +took M. with us. None of us felt quite well, but we enjoyed this new and +beautiful scene for all that. It is a little fairy land. + +_14th._--Went to Westminster Abbey, and spent some time there. On coming +out we made a rapid, but quite amusing passage through several courts +where we saw numerous great personages in stiff little gray wigs. To my +untrained, irreverent eyes they all looked perfectly funny. George was +greatly interested and edified. It has been raining and shining by turns +all day, and is this evening very cold. + +_15th._--Another of those days which the English so euphoniously term +"_nasty_." Not knowing what else to do with it, we set off in search of +No. 5 Sermon Lane, a house connected with a stereoscopic establishment +in Paris, which we reached after many evolutions and convolutions, and +found it to be a wholesale concern only. Pitying us for the trouble we +had been at in seeking them, they let us have what views we wanted, but +at higher prices than they sell them at Paris. We then went to the Tract +House, and while selecting French and other tracts, a gentleman came and +asked for a quantity of the "Last Hours of Dr. Payson." + +_16th._--Went to the Tower, and had a most interesting visit there. We +were particularly struck by some spots shown us by one of the wardens, +after the regular round had been gone through with, and the other +visitors dispersed--namely, the cell where prisoners were confined with +thumbscrews attached to elicit confession, and the floor where Lady Jane +Grey was imprisoned. We looked from the window where she saw her husband +carried to execution, and A. was locked up in the room so as to be able +to say she had been a prisoner in the Tower. + +_17th._--Heard Dr. Hamilton again. Met Dr. and Mrs. Adams of New York +there, and had a most kind and cordial greeting from them. Dr. A. +introduced us to Dr. Hamilton. In the evening we went to hear Dr. Adams +at Dr. H.'s church, and came home quite proud of our countryman, who +gave us a most excellent sermon. At the close of the service Dr. H. +invited us to take tea with him next week, and introduced us to his +wife; a young, quiet little lady, looking as unlike most of us American +parsonesses as possible, her parochial cares being, perhaps, less +weighty than ours. + +_18th._--Two things made this day open pleasantly. One was a decided +attempt on the part of the sun to come out and shine. The second was Dr. +Adams' dropping in and taking breakfast with us. We also got letters +from home, and the news that Mr. Little had reached New York in safety. +After lunch, George went off in glory to the House of Commons, hinting +that he might stay there till to-morrow morning, and begging for a +night-key to let himself in. The rest of us went to the Zoological +Garden, which is much more ample and interesting than the Jardin des +Plantes. + +_20th._--Yesterday it poured in torrents all day, so that going out was +not possible. To-day we went out in the drops and between the drops, to +do a little shopping in the way of razors, scissors, knives, needles, +and such like sharp and pointed things. We stepped into Nesbit's and +took a view of Little Susy, who looked as usual, bought a few books, +subscribed to a library, coveted our neighbor's property, and came home +covered with mud and mire. + +_22d._--Went out to Barnet to call on Miss Bird. On reaching the +station, we found Miss B. awaiting us with phaeton and pony. We were +driven over a pretty three miles route to "Hurst Cottage," where we were +introduced to Mrs. Bird and a younger daughter, and I had a nice little +lunch, together with pleasant chat about America in general and E. L. S. +in particular. Miss Bird said she showed her likeness to a gentleman, +who is a great physiognomist, and asked his opinion of her. He replied, +"She is a genius, a poetess, a Christian, and a true wife and mother." +We then went up-stairs, and looked at Miss B.'s little study, after +which she took us to see the church in Hadley, a very old building +dating back to 1494. It has been repaired and restored and is a +beautiful little church. On leaving it Miss Bird came with us a part of +the way to the station and we got home in good season for dinner. The +weather, true to its rule, could not last fine, and so this evening it +is raining again. [9] + +_24th._--No rain all day! Can it be true? George went in the morning to +hear Mr. Binney, and A. and I to Dr. Hamilton's, who preached a very +good sermon on a favorite text of mine, "I beseech Thee show me Thy +glory." In the evening Dr. Patton, of New York, induced us to go with +himself and wife to a meeting at a theatre three miles off. The Rev. Mr. +Graham preached. It was an interesting, but touching and saddening sight +to look upon the congregation; to wonder why they came, and whether they +would come again, and whether under those stolid and hardened faces +there yet lay humanity. Many came with babies in their arms, who made +themselves very much at home; some were in dirty week-day clothes; "some +in rags and some in jags." Coming home we passed the spot where John +Rogers was burned, and that where in time of the plague dead bodies were +thrown in frightful heaps into one grave. + +_25th._--We took tea at Dr. Hamilton's, where we had a very pleasant +evening, meeting Dr. and Mrs. Adams, as well as all Dr. H.'s session. +Dr. H. strikes one most agreeably, and seems as genial and as full of +life as a boy. + +_26th._--Visited Windsor Castle with Dr. Adams and his party, ten of us +in all. We drove afterward to see the country church-yard, where Grey +wrote his elegy and where he now lies buried. This was a most charming +little trip and we all enjoyed it exceedingly. The young folks gathered +leaves and flowers for their books. + +_29th._--Last evening we had a nice time and a cup of tea with the +Adamses. To-day--another nasty day--they lunched with us, which broke +up its gloom and we went with them to see Sloan's museum, a most +interesting collection. We all enjoyed its novelty as well as its +beauty. + +She also records the pleasure with which she visited the National +Gallery, Madame Tussaud's Collection, the British Museum, Richmond, the +Kew Gardens, and Bunhill Fields Burying-Ground, and, in particular, the +grave of "Mr. John Bunyan." + +Not long before leaving London she attended a Sunday evening service +for the people in Westminster Abbey, which interested her deeply. It +suggested--or rather was the original of--the scene in The Story Lizzie +Told: + +When we first got into that grand place, I was scared, and thought they +would drive us poor folks out. But when I looked round, most everybody +was poor too. At last I saw some of them get down on their knees, and +some shut their eyes, and some took off their hats and held them over +their faces. Father couldn't, because he had me in his arms; and so I +took it off, and held it for him. + +"What's it for?" says I. + +"Hush," says father, "the parson's praying." + +When I showed IT to God, the room seemed full of Him. But that's a small +room. The church is a million and a billion times as big, isn't it, +ma'am? But when the minister prayed, that big church seemed just as +full as it could hold. Then, all of a sudden, they burst out a-singing. +Father showed me the card with large letters on it, and says he, "Sing, +Lizzie, Sing!" + +And so I did. It was the first time in my life. The hymn said, + + Jesus, lover of my soul, + Let me to Thy bosom fly, + +and I whispered to father, "Is Jesus God?" "Yes, yes," said he, "Sing, +Lizzie, sing!" + +After the praying and the singing, came the preaching, I heard every +word. It was a beautiful story. It told how sorry Jesus was for us when +we did wrong, bad things, and how glad He was when we were good and +happy. It said we must tell Him all our troubles and all our joys, and +feel sure that He knew just how to pity us, because He had been a poor +man three and thirty years, on purpose to see how it seemed. + +The most stirring sight by far which she witnessed while in London, was +a review of 20,000 volunteers by the Queen in Hyde Park, on the 23d of +June. She waited for it several hours, standing much of the time upon a +camp-stool. As her Majesty appeared, accompanied by Prince Albert, +the curiosity of the immense crowd "rose to such a pitch that every +conceivable method was resorted to, to catch a glimpse of the field. Men +climbed on each other's shoulders, gave 'fabulous prices' for chairs, +boxes, and baskets, raised their wives and sweethearts high in the air, +and so by degrees our view was quite obstructed." [10] The scene did +not, perhaps, in numbers or in the brilliant array of fashion, rank, and +beauty surpass, nor in military pomp and circumstance did it equal, a +grand review she had witnessed not long before in the Champ de Mars; but +in other respects it was far more impressive. Among the volunteers were +thousands of young men in whose veins ran the best and most precious +blood in England. And then to an American wife and mother, Queen +Victoria was a million times more interesting than Louis Napoleon. She +stood then, as happily she still stands, at the head of the Christian +womanhood of the world; and that in virtue not solely of her exalted +position and influence, but of her rare personal and domestic virtues as +well. She was then also at the very height of her felicity. How little +she or any one else in that thronging multitude dreamed, that before the +close of the coming year the form of the noble Prince, who rode by her +side wearing an aspect of such manly beauty and content, and who was so +worthy to be her husband, would lie mouldering in the grave! [11] + +About the middle of July Mrs. Prentiss with her husband and children +left London for Ventnor on the Isle of Wight, where, in spite of cold +and rainy weather, she passed two happy months. With the exception of +Chateau d'Oex, no place in Europe had proved to her such a haven of +rest. Miss Scott, the hostess, was kindness itself. The Isle of Wight in +summer is a little paradise; and in the vicinity of Ventnor are some of +its loveliest scenes. Her enjoyment was enhanced by the society of Mr. +and Mrs. Jacob Abbott, who were then sojourning there. An excursion +taken with Mr. Abbott was doubly attractive; for, as might be inferred +from his books, he was one of the most genial and instructive of +companions, whether for young or old. A pilgrimage to the home and grave +of the Dairyman's Daughter and to the grave of "Little Jane," and a +day and night at Alum Bay, were among the pleasantest incidents of the +summer at Ventnor. + +Of the visit to "Little Jane's" grave she gives the following account in +her journal: + +_Aug. 10th._--To-day being unusually fine, we undertook our +long-talked-of expedition to Brading. On reaching the churchyard we +asked a little boy who followed us in if he could point out "Little +Jane's" grave; he said he could and led us at once to the spot. How +little she dreamed that pilgrimages would be made to her grave! Our +pigmy guide next conducted us to the grave-stones, where her task was +learned. "How old are you, little fellow?" I asked. "_Getting an +to five_," he replied. "And does everybody who comes here give you +something?" "_Some_ don't." "That's very naughty of them," I continued; +"after all your trouble they ought to give you something." A shrewd +smile was his answer, and George then gave him some pennies. "What do +you do with your pennies?" I asked. "I puts them in my pocket." "And +then what do you do?" "I saves them up." "And what then?" "My mother +buys shoe's when I get enough. She is going to buy me some soon with +_nails_ in them! These are dropping to pieces" (no such thing). "If that +is the case," quoth George, "I think I must give you some more pennies." +"Thank you," said the boy. "Do you see my sword?" George then asked him +if he went to church and to Sunday-school. "Oh, yes, and there was +an organ, and they learned to sing psalms." "And to love God?" asked +George. "Yes, yes," he answered, but not with much unction, and so we +turned about and came home. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Ventnor, Aug. 24, 1860._ + +As this is to be our last letter home, it ought to be a very brilliant +one, but I am sure it won't; and when I look back over the past two +years and think how many stupid ones I have written you, I feel almost +ashamed of myself. But on the other hand I wonder I have written no +duller ones, for our staying so long at a time in one place has given +small chance for variety and description. It is raining and blowing at a +rate that you, who are roasting at home, can hardly conceive; we agreed +yesterday that if you were blindfolded and suddenly set down here and +told to guess what season of the year it was, you would judge by your +feelings and the wind roaring down the chimney, that it was December. +However disagreeable this may be it is more invigorating than hot +weather, and George and the children have all improved very much. George +enjoys bathing and climbing the "downs" and the children are out nearly +all day when it does not rain. You may remember that the twilight is +late in England, and even the baby is often out till half-past eight or +nine.... I just keep my head above water by having no cares or fatigue +at night. I feel _dreadfully_ that I am so helpless a creature, but I +believe God keeps me so for my mortification and improvement, and that I +ought to be willing to lead this good-for-nothing life if He chooses. +We have had the pleasure of meeting Mr. and Mrs. Abbott here. They have +gone now to spend the winter in Paris. Mrs. A. sent her love to you +again and again, and I was very glad to meet her for your sake as well +as her own, and to know Mr. A. better than I did before, and it was very +pleasant to George to chat with him. We walked together to see Shanklin +Chine. A. went with us, and Mr. Abbott amused her so on the way that she +came home quite dissatisfied with her stupid papa and mamma. + +We are talking of little else now but getting home, and it is a pity you +could not take down the walls of our hidden souls and see the various +wishes and feelings we have on the subject. I forgot to say how glad we +were that you found George Prentiss such a nice boy. [12] I always loved +him for Abby's sake and he certainly was worthy of the affection she +felt for him as the most engaging child I ever knew; he is a thorough +Prentiss still, it seems. What is he going to be? You must feel queer +to have a boy in college; it is like a strange dream. Our boys are two +spunky little toads who need, or will need, all our energies to bring +up. I have quite got my hand out, M. is so good--and hate to begin. But +good-bye, with love to mother, Mr. S. and the children. + +The family embarked at Cowes on the magnificent steamship "Adriatic," +September 13th, and, after a rough voyage, reached New York on the 24th +of the same month. Old friends awaited their coming and welcomed them +home again with open arms. It was a happy day for Mrs. Prentiss, and +in the abundance of its joy she forgot the anxious and solitary months +through which she had just been passing. She came back with four +children instead of three; her husband was, partially at least, restored +to health; and she breathed once more her native air. + + +[1] A most faithful servant, to whom Mrs. P. was greatly attached. + +[2] The Hon. Benjamin F. Butler, of New York, was one of the most +honored members of the Mercer street church. He was known throughout the +country as an eminent lawyer and patriotic citizen. In the circle of his +friends he was admired and beloved for his singular purity of character, +his scholarly tastes, the kindness of his heart, and all the other fine +qualities that go to form the Christian gentleman. During a portion of +President Jackson's administration Mr. Butler was Attorney-General of +the United States. He died in the sixty-third year of his age. + +[3] Referring to the death of Dr. Stearns' mother, Mrs. Abigail Stearns, +of Bedford, Mass. + +[4] Mrs. Wainwright and her husband, the late Eli Wainwright, were +members of the old Mercer street Presbyterian church, and both of them +unwearied in their kindness to Mrs. Prentiss and her husband. + +[5] + + "Far along, + From peak to peak, the rattling crags among, + + Leaps the live thunder! Not from one lone cloud, + But every mountain now hath found a tongue, + + And Jura answers, through her misty shroud, + Back to the joyous Alps, which call to her aloud!" + +[6] Now Bishop of the P. E. Church of Central New York. + +[7] "Christian Believing and Living." + +[8] The Rev. George B. Little was born in Castine, Maine, December +21, 1821. He was graduated at Bowdoin College in 1843. Having studied +theology at Andover, he was ordained in 1849 pastor of the First +Congregational church in Bangor, Me. In 1850 he married Sarah Edwards, +daughter of that admirable and whole-souled servant of Christ, the Rev. +Elias Cornelius, D.D. In November, 1857, Mr. Little was installed as +pastor of the Congregational church in West Newton, Mass. Early in +March, 1860, he went abroad for his health, but returned home again in +May, and died among his own people, July 20, 1860. The last words he +littered were, "I shall soon be with Christ." Mr. Little was a man +of superior gifts, full of scholarly enthusiasm, and devoted to his +Master's work. + +[9] Miss Bird is known to the world by her remarkable books of travel in +Japan and elsewhere. + +[10] An account of the Volunteer Review in Hyde Park is given in Sir +Theodore Martin's admirable Life of the Prince Consort, Vol. V., pp. +105-6, Am. Ed. The Prince himself, in responding to a toast the same +evening, speaks of it as "a scene which will never fade from the memory +of those who had the good fortune to be present." + +[11] It is hardly possible to allude to the great affliction of this +illustrious lady without thinking also of the persistent acts of womanly +sympathy by which, during the anguish and suspense of the past two +months, she has tried to minister comfort to the stricken wife of our +suffering and now sainted President. Certainly, the whole case is +unique in the history of the world. By this most tender and Christ-like +sympathy, she has endeared herself in a wonderful manner to the heart +of the American people. God bless Queen Victoria! they say with one +voice.--_New York, September_ 24, 1881. + +[12] The eldest son of her brother-in-law, Mr. S. S. Prentiss, a youth +of rare promise, and who had especially endeared himself to his Aunt +Abby. He died of fever at Tallahoma, Tennessee, during the war. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +THE STRUGGLE WITH ILL-HEALTH. + +1861-1865. + +I. + +At Home again in New York. The Church of the Covenant. Increasing +Ill-health. The Summer of 1861. Death of Louisa Payson Hopkins. Extracts +from her Journal. Summer of 1862. Letters. Despondency. + + +We come now to a new phase of Mrs. Prentiss' experience as a pastor's +wife. Before her husband resigned his New York charge, during the winter +of 1857-8, the question of holding a service in the upper part of the +city, with the view to another congregation, was earnestly discussed in +the session and among the leading members of the church, but nothing +then came of it. Soon after his return from Europe, however, the project +was revived, and resulted at length in the formation of the Church of +the Covenant. In consequence of the great civil war, which was then +raging, the undertaking encountered difficulties so formidable, that +nothing but extraordinary zeal, liberality, and wise counsel on the part +of his friends and the friends of the movement could overcome them. For +two or three years the new congregation held service in what was then +called Dodworth's Studio Building at the corner of Fifth avenue and +Twenty-sixth street, but in 1864 it entered the chapel on Thirty-fifth +street, and in 1865 occupied the stately edifice on Park avenue. In the +manifold labors, trials, and discouragements connected with this work, +Mrs. Prentiss shared with her husband; and, when finally crowned with +the happiest success, it owed perhaps as much to her as to him. This +brief statement seems needful in order to define and render clear her +position, as a pastor's wife, during the next twelve years. + +After spending some weeks in Newark and Portland, she found herself once +more in New York in a home of her own and surrounded by friends, both +old and new. The records of the following four or five years are +somewhat meagre and furnish few incidents of special significance. The +war, with its terrible excitement and anxieties, absorbed all minds +and left little spare time for thought or feeling about anything else. +Domestic and personal interests were entirely overshadowed by the one +supreme interest of the hour--that of the imperiled National life. It +was for Mrs. Prentiss a period also of almost continuous ill-health. The +sleeplessness from which she had already suffered so much assumed more +and more a chronic character, and, aggravated by other ailments and +by the frequent illness of her younger children, so undermined her +strength, that life became at times a heavy burden. She felt often that +her days of usefulness were past. But the Master had yet a great work +for her to do, and-- + + In ways various, + Or, might I say, contrarious-- + +He was training her for it during these years of bodily infirmity and +suffering. + +The summer of 1861 was passed at Newport. In a letter to Mrs. Smith, +dated July 28th, she writes: + +We find the Cliff House delightful, within a few minutes' walk of the +sea, which we have in full view from one of our windows. And we have no +lack of society, for the Bancrofts, Miss Aspinwall and her sister, as +well as the Skinners, are very friendly. But I am so careworn and out of +sorts, that this beautiful ocean gives me little comfort. I seem to +be all the time toting one child or another about, or giving somebody +paregoric or rhubarb, or putting somebody to sleep, or scolding somebody +for waking up papa, who is miserable, and his oration untouched. There, +don't mind me; it's at the end of a churchless Sunday, and I dare say I +am "only peevis'," as the little boy said. + +But in a few weeks the children were well again and her own health so +much improved, that she was able to indulge in surf-bathing, which she +"enjoyed tremendously," and early in the fall the whole family returned +to town greatly refreshed by the summer's rest. + +On the 24th of January, 1862, her sister, Mrs. Hopkins, died. This event +touched her deeply. She hurried off to Williamstown, whence she wrote to +her husband, who was unable to accompany her: + +If you had known that I should not get here till half-past nine last +night, and that in an open sleigh from North Adams, you would not have +let me come. But so far I am none the worse for it; and, when I came in +and found the Professor and T. and Eddy sitting here all alone and so +forlorn in their unaccustomed leisure, I could not be thankful enough +that a kind Providence had allowed me to come. It is a very great +gratification to them all, especially to the Professor, and even more +so than I had anticipated. In view of the danger of being blocked up by +another snow-storm, I shall probably think it best to return by another +route, which they all say is the best. I hope you and my precious +children keep well. + +No picture of Mrs. Prentiss' life would be complete, in which her +sister's influence was not distinctly visible. To this influence she +owed the best part of her earlier intellectual training; and it did much +to mould her whole character. Mrs. Hopkins was one of the most learned, +as well as most gifted, women of her day; and had not ill-health early +disabled her for literary labors, she might, perhaps, have won for +herself an enduring name in the literature of the country. There were +striking points of resemblance between her and Sara Coleridge; the same +early intellectual bloom; the same rare union of feminine delicacy and +sensibility with masculine strength and breadth of understanding; the +same taste for the beautiful in poetry, in art, and in nature, joined to +similar fondness for metaphysical studies; the same delight in books of +devotion and in books of theology; and the same varied erudition. Only +one of them seems to have been an accomplished Hebraist, but both were +good Latin and Greek scholars; and both were familiar with Italian, +Spanish, French, and German. Even in Sara Coleridge's admiration and +reverence for her father, Mrs. Hopkins was in full sympathy with her. +She lacked, indeed, that poetic fancy which belonged to the author of +"Phantasmion;" nor did she possess her mental self-poise and firmness of +will; but in other respects, even in physical organization and certain +features of countenance, they were singularly alike. And they both died +in the fiftieth year of their age. + +Louisa Payson was born at Portland, February 24, 1812. Even as a child +she was the object of tender interest to her father on account of her +remarkable intellectual promise. He took the utmost pains to aid and +encourage her in learning to study and to think. The impression he made +upon her may be seen in the popular little volume entitled "The Pastor's +Daughter," which consists largely of conversations with him, written out +from memory after his death. She was then in her sixteenth year. The +records of the next eight years, which were mostly spent in teaching, +are very meagre; but a sort of literary journal, kept by her between +1835 and 1840, shows something of her mental quality and character, as +also of her course of reading. She was twenty-three years old when the +journal opens. Here are a few extracts from it: + +BOSTON, Nov. 18, 1835. + +Last evening I passed in company with Mr. Dana. [1] I conversed with him +only for a few moments about Mr. Alcott's school, and had not time to +ask one of the ten thousand questions I wished to ask. I have been +trying to analyse the feeling I have for men of genius, Coleridge, +Wordsworth and Dana, for example. I can understand why I feel for them +unbounded admiration, reverence and affection, but I hardly know why +there should be so much excitement--painful excitement--mingled with +these emotions. Next to possessing genius myself would be the pleasure +of living with one who possessed it. + +_Nov. 19th._--I have read to-day one canto of Dante's Inferno and eight +or ten pages of Cicero de Amicitia. In this, as well as in de Senectute +which I have just finished, I am much interested. I confess I am not a +little surprised to find how largely the moderns are indebted to the +ancients; how many wise observations on life, and death, the soul, time, +eternity, etc, have been repeated by the sages of every generation since +the days of Cicero. + +_Jan. 14th, 1836._--I spent last evening with Mr. Dana, and the +conversation was, of course, of great interest. We talked of some of the +leading Reviews of the day, and then of the character of our literature +as connected with our political institutions. This led to a long +discussion of the latter subject, but as the same views are expressed in +Mr. D.'s article on Law, I shall pass it over. [2] I differed from him +in regard to the French comedies, especially those of Moliere; however, +he allowed that they contain genuine humor, but they are confined to the +exhibition of _one_ ridiculous point in the character, instead of giving +us the whole man as Shakespeare does. + +_Sept, 22d._--This morning I have had one of the periods of _insight,_ +when the highest spiritual truths pertaining to the divine and human +natures, become their own light and evidence, as well as the evidence of +other truths. No speculations, no ridicule can shake my faith in that +which I thus see and feel. I was particularly interested in thinking of +the regeneration of the spirit and the part which Faith, Hope, and Love, +have in effecting it. + +_Sab. 23d._--It seems to me that this truth alone, there is a God, is +sufficient, rightly believed, to make every human being absolutely and +perfectly happy. + +_Jan. 14th, 1839._--Wednesday evening attended Mr. Emerson's lecture on +Genius, of which I shall _attempt_ to say nothing except that it was +most delightful. Thursday morning Mr. Emerson [3] called to see me and +gave me a ticket for his course. Afterwards Mr. Dana called. It seems to +me that I have lived _backwards;_ in other words, the faculties of my +mind which were earliest developed, were those which in other minds come +last--reflection and solidity of judgment; while fancy and imagination, +in so far as I have any at all, have followed. + +_Sat. Jan. 26th._--My occupations in the way of books at present, +consist in reading "Antigone," Guizot's "History," Lockhart's "Scott," +and _sundries._ I am also translating large extracts from Claudius, with +a view to writing an article about him, if the fates shall so will it. +[4] + +_Thurs. Jan. 1st._--Mr. Emerson's lecture last night was on Comedy. He +professed to enter on the subject with reluctance, as conscious of a +deficiency in the organ of the ludicrous--a profession, however, that +was not substantiated very well by the lecture itself, which convulsed +the audience with laughter. He spoke in the commencement of the silent +history written in the faces of an assembly, making them as interesting +to a spectator as if their lives were written in their features. + +_25th._--I began yesterday Schleiermacher's "Christliche Glaube"--a +profound, learned, and difficult work, I am told--Jouffroy's +"Philosophical Writings," Landor's "Pericles and Aspasia," and "The +Gurney Papers." Considering that I was already in the midst of several +books, this is rather too much, but I could not help it; the books were +lent me and must be read and returned speedily. I have been all the +morning employed in writing an abstract of the Report of the Prison +Discipline Society, and am wearied and stupefied. + +_Jan. 7th, 1840._--Went to Mr. Ripley's where I met Dr. Channing, and +listened to a discussion of Spinoza's religious opinions. This afternoon +Mr. D. came again; talked about the Trinity and other theological +points. This evening, heard Prof. Silliman. I have nearly finished +Fichte, and like him on the whole exceedingly, though I think he errs in +placing the roots of the speculative in the practical reason. It seems +to me that neither grows out of the other, but that they are coincident +spheres. Still, there is a truth, a great truth, in what he says. It is +true that action is often the most effectual remedy against speculative +doubts and perplexities. When you are in the dark about this or +that point, ask what command does conscience impose upon me at this +moment--obey it and you will find light. + +These extracts will suffice to show the quality and extent of her +reading. What sort of fruit her reading and study bore may be seen by +her articles on Claudius and Goethe, in the New York Review. No abler +discussion of the genius and writings of Goethe had at that time +appeared in this country; while the article on Claudius was probably the +first to make him known to American readers. + +During many of the later years of her life Mrs. Hopkins was a martyr to +ill-health. The story of her sufferings, both physical and mental, as +artlessly told in little diaries which she kept, is "wondrous pitiful;" +no pen of fiction could equal its simple pathos. Again and again, as she +herself knew, she was on the very verge of insanity; nothing, probably, +saving her from it but the devotion of her husband, who with untiring +patience and a mother's tenderness ministered, in season and out of +season, to her relief. Often would he steal home from his beloved +Observatory, where he had been teaching his students how to watch the +stars, and pass a sleepless night at her bedside, reading to her and by +all sorts of gentle appliances trying to soothe her irritated nerves. +And this devotion ran on, without variableness or shadow of turning, +year after year, giving itself no rest until her eyes were closed in +death. [5] + +Let us now resume our narrative. A portion of the summer of 1862 was +passed by Mrs. Prentiss at Newport. Her season of rest was again invaded +by severe illness among her children. Under date of August 3d, she +writes to Mrs. Smith: + +I can see that our landlady, who has good sense and experience, thinks +G. will not get well. Sometimes, in awful moments, I think so too; but +then I cheer up and get quite elated. Last night as I lay awake, too +weary to sleep, I heard a harsh, rasping sound like a large saw. I +thought some animal unknown to me must be making it, it was so regular +and frequent. But after a time I found it was a dying young soldier who +lives farther from this house than Miss H. does from our house in New +York. His fearful cough! Oh, this war! this war! I never hated and +revolted against it as I did then. I had heard some one say such a young +man lay dying of consumption in this street, but till then was too +absorbed with my own incessant cares to hear the cough, as the rest had +done. I never realised how I felt about our country till I found the +terror of losing, a link out of that little golden chain that encircles +my sweetest joys, was a _kindred_ suffering. Have the times ever looked +so black as they do now? We seem to be drifting round without chart or +pilot. + +Two weeks later, August 17th, she writes to her cousin, Miss Shipman: + +G. is really up and about, looking thin and white, and feeling hungry +and weak; but little H. has been sick with the same disease these ten +days past. I got your letter and the little cat, for which G. and I +thank you very much. I should think it would about kill you to cook all +day even for our soldiers, but on the whole can not blame any one who +wants to get killed in their service. I am impressed more and more +with their claims upon us, who confront every danger and undergo every +suffering, while we sit at home at our ease. However, the ease I have +enjoyed during the last five weeks has not been of a very luxurious +kind, and I have felt almost discouraged, as day after day of +confinement and night after night of sleeplessness has pulled down my +strength. But, what am I doing? Complaining, instead of rejoicing that I +am not left unchastised. + +After a careworn summer at Newport, she went with the children to +Williamstown, where a month was passed with her brother-in-law, +Professor Hopkins. The following letters relate to this visit: + +_To her Husband, Williamstown, Sept. 19, 1862._ + +I am glad to find that you place reliance on the reports of our late +victory, for I have been in great suspense, seeing only The World, which +was throwing up its hat and declaring the war virtually ended. I have no +faith in such premature assertions, of which we have had so many, but +was most anxious to know your opinion. Do not fail to keep me informed +of what is going on. The children are all out of doors and enjoying +themselves. The Professor has gone on horseback to see about his +buckwheat. He took me up there yesterday afternoon, and I crawled +through forty fences (more or less) and got a vast amount of exercise, +which did not result in any better sleep, however, than no exercise +does. Caro. H. read me yesterday a most interesting letter from her +brother Henry, describing the scene at Bull Run when he went there five +days after the battle. It is very painful to find such mismanagement as +he deplores. He gave a most touching account of a young fellow who lay +mortally wounded, where he had lain uncared-for with his companions the +five days, and whom they were obliged to decline removing, as they had +only room for a portion of the hopeful cases. After beseeching Mr. H. to +see that he was removed, and entreating to know when and how he was ever +to get home if they left him, he was told that it was not possible to +make room for him in this train of ambulances. As Mr. H. tore himself +away, he heard him say, + + "Here, Lord, I give myself away; + 'Tis all that I can do." + +The torture of the wounded men in the ambulances was so frightful, that +Mr. H. gave each of them morphine enough to kill three well men. They +"cried for it like dogs and licked my hands lest they should lose a +drop," he adds. As a contrast to this letter, some of the new recruits +came into the Professor's grounds yesterday to get bouquets, and thought +if _their_ folks had a "yard" so gayly decked with flowers they would +feel set up. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Williamstown, Sept. 25, 1862._ + +I have been feeling languid, or lazy, ever since I came here, and for a +few days past have been miserable; but I am better to-day. This place +is perfectly lovely and grows upon me every day. But the Professor is +entirely absorbed in his loss. He does not know it, or else thinks he +does not show it, for he makes no complaint, but it is in every tone and +word and look. It is plain that Louisa's ill-health, which might have +weaned a selfish man from her, only endeared her to him; she was so +entirely his object day and night, that he misses her and the _care_ of +her, as a mother does her sick child. If we ride out he says, "Here I +often came with _her_;" if a bird sings, "That is a note she used to +love;" if we see a flower, "That is one of the flowers she loved." He +has an astonishing amount of journal manuscripts, and I think may in +time prepare something from them.... Isn't it frightful how cotton goods +have run up! I gave twenty cents for a yard of silicia (is that the way +to spell it?) and suppose everything else has rushed up too. I hope you +are prepared to tell me exactly what to buy and instruct me in the way I +should go. + +_To her Husband, Williamstown, Sept. 26._ + +I spent yesterday forenoon looking over Louisa's papers and found an +enormous mass of manuscript; journals, extract books, translations, +and work enough planned and begun for many lifetimes. It was very +depressing. One's only refuge is faith in God, and in the certainty that +her lingering illness was more acceptable to Him than years of active +usefulness, and such extraordinary usefulness even as she was so fitted +for. I read over some of my own letters written many, many years ago; +and the sense this gave me of lost youth and vivacity and energy, was, +for a time, most painful.... I have felt for a long while greatly +discouraged and depressed, yes, weary of my life, because it seems to me +that broken down and worn out as I am, and full of faults under which I +groan, being burdened, I could not make you happy. But your last letter +comforted me a good deal. I see little for us to do but what you +suggest: to cheer each other up and wear out rather than rust out. It is +more and more clear to me, that patience is our chief duty on earth, and +that we can not rest here. + +I am anxious to know what you think of the President's Proclamation. [6] +The Professor likes it. He seems able to think of little but his loss. +Even when speaking in the most cheerful way, tears fill his eyes, and +the other day putting a letter into my hands to read, he had to run +out of the room. The letter stated that fifty young persons owed their +conversion to Louisa's books; it was written some years ago. His mother +spent Saturday here. She is very bright and cheerful and full of +sly humor; he did everything to amuse her and she enjoyed her visit +amazingly. I long to see you. Letters are more and more unsatisfactory, +delusive things. M. is going to have a "party" this afternoon, and is +going to one this forenoon. The others are bright and busy as bees. +Good-bye. + +A tinge of sadness is perceptible in most of her letters during this +year. Her sister's death, the fearful state of the country, protracted +sickness among her children, and her own frequent ill-turns and +increasing sense of feebleness, all conspired to produce this effect. +But in truth her heart was still as young as ever and a touch of +sympathy, or an appeal to her love of nature, instantly made it +manifest. An extract from a letter to Miss Anna Warner, dated New York, +December 16th, may serve as an instance: I wanted to write a book when +the trunk came this afternoon; that is, a book full of thanks and +exclamation marks. You could not have bought with money anything for my +Christmas present, that could give half the pleasure. I shut myself up +in my little room up-stairs (I declare I don't believe you saw that +room! did you?), and there I spread out my mosses and my twigs and my +cones and my leaves and admired them till I had to go out and walk to +compose myself. Then the children came home and they all admired too, +and among us we upset my big work-basket and my little work-basket, and +didn't any of us care. My only fear is that with all you had to do you +did too much for me. Those little red moss cups are _too_ lovely! and as +to all those leaves how I shall leaf out! G. asked me who sent me all +those beautiful things. "Miss Warner," quoth I absently. "Didn't Miss +Anna send any of them?" he exclaimed. So you see you twain do not pass +as one flesh here. I have read all the "Books of Blessing" [7] save +Gertrude and her Cat--but though I like them all very much, my favorite +is still "The Prince in Disguise." If you come across a little book +called "Earnest," [8] published by Randolph, do read it. It is one of +the few _real_ books and ought to do good. I have outdone myself in +picture-frames since you left. I got a pair of nippers and some wire, +which were of great use in the operation. I am now busy on Mr. Bull, for +Mr. Prentiss' study. + +To one of her sisters-in-law she wrote, under the same date: + +I do not know as I ever was so discouraged about my health as I have +been this fall. Sometimes I think my constitution is quite broken down, +and that I never shall be good for anything again. However, I do not +worry one way or the other but try to be as patient as I can. I have +been a good deal better for some days, and if you could see our house +you would not believe a word about my not being well, and would know my +saying so was all a sham. To tell the truth, it does look like a garden, +and when I am sick I like to lie and look at what I did when I wasn't; +my wreaths, and my crosses, and my vines, and my toadstools, and other +fixins. Yesterday I made a bonnet of which I am justly proud; to-morrow +I expect to go into mosses and twigs, of which Miss Anna Warner has just +sent me a lot. She and her sister were here about a fortnight. They grow +good so fast that there is no keeping track of them. Does any body in +Portland take their paper? [9] The children are all looking forward to +Christmas with great glee. It is a mercy there are any children to keep +up one's spirits in these times. Was there ever anything so dreadful as +the way in which our army has just been driven back! [10] But if we had +had a brilliant victory perhaps the people would have clamored against +the emancipation project, and anything is better than the perpetuation +of slavery. + +Our congregation is fuller than ever, but there is no chance of building +even a chapel. Shopping is pleasant business now-a-days, isn't it? We +shall have to stop sewing and use pins. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Another care-worn Summer. Letters from Williamstown and Rockaway. Hymn +on Laying the Corner-stone of the Church of the Covenant. + + +The records of 1863 are confined mostly to her letters written during +the summer. In June she went again with the younger children to +Williamstown, where she remained a month. The family then proceeded +to Rockaway, Long Island, and spent the rest of the season there in a +cottage, kindly placed at their disposal by Mrs. William G. Bull. They +passed through New York barely in time to escape the terrible riots, +which raged there with such fury in the early part of July. A few +extracts from her letters belonging to this period follow: + +_To her Husband, Troy, June 10._ + +I hope you'll not be frightened to get a letter mailed here; anyhow I +can't resist the temptation to write, though standing up in a little +newspaper office. We were routed up at half past five this morning by +pounds and yells about taking the "Northern Railroad." On reaching Troy +the captain bid us hurry or we should lose the train, and we did hurry, +though I pretty well foresaw our fate, and after a running walk of a +quarter of a mile, we had the felicity of finding the train had left and +that the next one would not start till twelve. The little darlings are +bearing the disappointment sweetly. + +4 P.M.--After depositing my note in the Post-office, we strolled about +awhile and then came across to a hotel, where I ordered a lunch-dinner. +We got through at twelve and marched to the station, expecting to start +at once, when M. came running up to me declaring there was no train to +Williamstown till five o'clock. My heart fairly turned over; however, +I did not believe it, but on making inquiries it proved to be only too +true. For a minute I sat in silent despair. Just then the landlord of +the hotel drew nigh and said to me, "You don't look very healthy, Mrs.; +if you'll walk over to my house, I will give you a bedroom free of +charge and you can lie down and rest awhile." Over to his house we went, +weary enough. After awhile, finding them all forlorn, I got a carriage +and we drove out; on coming back I ordered some ice-cream, which built +us all up amazingly. The children are now counting the minutes till +five. One of the boys is perched on a wash-stand with his feet dangling +down through the hole where the bowl should be; the other is eating +crackers; the landlord is anxious I should take a glass of wine; and M. +is everywhere at once, having nearly worn out my watch-pocket to see +what time it was. + +_Monday, June 21st._--It is now going on a fortnight since we left home. +Oh, if it were God's will, how I should love to get well, pay you back +some of the debts I owe you, be a better mother to my children, write +some more books, and make you love me so you wouldn't know what to do +with yourself! Just to see how it would seem to be well, and to show +you what a splendid creature I could be, if once out of the harness! A +modest little list you will say!... I said to myself, Is it after all +such a curse to suffer and to be a source of suffering to others? Isn't +it worth while to pay something for warm human sympathies and something +for rich experience of God's love and wisdom? And I felt, that for you +to have a radiant, cheerful, health-happy wife was not, perhaps, so good +for you, as a minister of Christ's gospel, as to have the poor feeble +creature whose infirmities keep you anxious and off the top of the wave. + +Saturday afternoon the Professor took me off strawberrying again. Can +you believe that till this June I never went strawberrying in my life? +I don't eat them, so the fun is in the picking. Do you realise how kind +the Professor is to me? I am afraid I don't. He works very hard, too +hard, I think; but perhaps he does it as a refuge from his loneliness. +His heart seems still full of tenderness toward Louisa. Yesterday he +took me aside and told me, with much emotion, that he dreamed the night +before that she floated towards him with a leaf in her hand, on which +she wrote the words "Sabbath peacefulness." I love him much, but am +afraid of him, as I am of all men--even of you; you need not laugh, I +am. + +To Mrs. Smith she writes from Rockaway, July 24th: + +We were glad to hear that you were safely settled at Prout's Neck, far +from riots, if not from rumors thereof. We have as convenient and roomy +and closetty a cottage as possible. We are within three minutes or so +of the beach, and go back and forth, bathe, dig sand, and stare at the +ocean according to our various ages and tastes. I really do not know how +else we spend our time. I sew a little, and am going to sew more when my +machine comes; read a little, doze a little, and eat a good deal. The +butcher calls every morning, and so does the baker with excellent bread; +twice a week clams call at thirty cents the hundred; we get milk, +butter, and eggs without much trouble; and ice and various vegetables +without any, as Mrs. Bull sends them to us every day, with sprinklings +of fruit, pitchers of cream, herring and whatever is going. We either +sit on the beach looking and listening to the waves, every evening, or +we run in to Mrs. Bull's; or gather about our parlor-table reading. By +ten we are all off to bed. George does nothing but race back and forth +to New York on Seminary business; he has gone now. I went with him the +other day. The city looks pinched and wo-begone. We were caught in that +tornado and nearly pulled to pieces. + +_27th._--You will be sorry to hear that our last summer's siege with +dysentery bids fair to be repeated. Yesterday, when the disease declared +itself, I must own that for a few hours I felt about heart-broken. My +own strength is next to nothing, and how to face such a calamity I knew +not. Ah, how much easier it is to pray daily, "Oh, Jesus Christus, wachs +in mir!" than to consent to, yea rejoice in, the terms of the grant! +Well, George went for the doctor. His quarters at this season are right +opposite; he is a German and brother of the author Auerbach. We brought +G.'s cot into our room and George and I took care of him till three +o'clock, when for the first time since we had children, I gave out and +left the poor man to get along as nurse as he best could. I can tell +you it comes hard on one's pride to resign one's office to a half-sick +husband. I think I have let the boys play too hard in the sun. I long to +have you see this pretty cottage and this beach. + +_Aug. 3d._--The children are out of the doctor's hands and I do about +nothing at all. I hope you are as lazy as I am. Today I bathed, read the +paper and finished John Halifax. I wish I could write such a book! + +To Miss Gilman she writes, August 10th: + +We have the nicest of cottages, near the sea. I often think of you as I +sit watching the waves rush in and the bathers rushing out. I have not +yet thanked you for the hymns you sent me. The traveller's hymn sounds +like George Withers. Mr. P. borrowed a volume of his poems which +delights us both. I am glad you are asking your mother questions about +your father. I am amazed at myself for not asking my dear mother many +a score about my father, which no human being can answer now. I do not +like to think of you all leaving New York. Few families would be so +missed and mourned. + +I can sympathise with you in regard to your present Sunday "privileges." +We have a long walk in glaring sunshine, sit on bare boards, live +through the whole (or nearly the whole) Prayer-book, and then listen, if +we can, to a sermon three-quarters of an hour long, its length not being +its chief fault. I am utterly unable to bear such fatigue, and spend my +time chiefly at home, with some hope of more profit, at any rate. How +true it is that our Master's best treasures are kept in earthen vessels! +Humanly speaking, we should declare it to be for His glory to commit the +preaching of His gospel to the best and wisest hands. But His ways are +not as our ways.... I feel such a longing, when Sunday conies, to spend +it with good people, under the guidance of a heaven-taught man. A +minister has such wonderful opportunity for doing good! It seems +dreadful to see the opportunity more than wasted. The truth is, we all +need, ministers and all, a closer walk with God. If a man comes down +straight from the mount to speak to those who have just come from the +same place, he must be in a state to edify and they to be edified. + +From New York she writes to Miss Shipman, October 24th: + +Your letter came just as we started for Poughkeepsie. The Synod met +there and I was invited to accompany George, and, quite contrary to my +usual habits, I went. We had a nice time. I feel that you are in the +best place in the world. Next to dying and going home one's self, it +must be sweet to accompany a Christian friend down to the very banks +of the river. Isn't it strange that after such experiences we can ever +again have a worldly thought, or ever lose the sense of the reality of +divine things! But we are like little children--ever learning and ever +forgetting. Still, it is well to be learning, and I envy you your +frequent visits to the house of mourning. You will miss your dear friend +very much. I know how you love her. How many beloved ones you have +already lost for a season!... Don't set me to making brackets. I am +as worldly now as I can be, and my head full of work on all sorts of +things. I made two cornucopias of your pattern and filled them with +grasses and autumn leaves, and they were magnificent. I got very large +grasses in the Rockaway marshes. The children are all well and as gay as +larks. + +Early in November the corner-stone of the Church of the Covenant was +laid. She wrote the following hymn for the occasion: + + A temple, Lord, we raise; + Let all its walls be praise + To Thee alone. + Draw nigh, O Christ, we pray, + To lead us on our way, + And be Thou, now and aye, + Our corner-stone. + + In humble faith arrayed, + We these foundations laid + In war's dark day. + Oppression's reign o'erthrown, + Sweet peace once more our own, + Do Thou the topmost stone + Securely lay. + + And when each earth-built wall + Crumbling to dust shall fall, + Our work still own. + Be to each faithful heart + That here hath wrought its part, + What in Thy Church Thou art-- + The Corner-stone. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Happiness in her Children. The Summer of 1864. Letters from Hunter. +Affliction among Friends. + + +In the early part of 1864 she was more than usually afflicted with +neuralgic troubles and that "horrid calamity," as she calls it, +sleeplessness. "I know just how one feels when one can't eat or sleep or +talk. I declare, a good deal of the time pulling words out of me is like +pulling out teeth." + +Still (she writes to a sister-in-law, Jan. 15th), we are a happy family +in spite of our ailments. I suffer a great deal and cause anxiety to my +husband by it, but then I enjoy a great deal and so does he, and +our younger children--to say nothing of A.--are sources of constant +felicity. Do not you miss the hearing little feet pattering round the +house? It seems to me that the sound of my six little feet is the very +pleasantest sound in the world. Often when I lie in bed racked with pain +and exhausted from want of food--for my digestive organs seem paralysed +when I have neuralgia--hearing these little darlings about the house +compensates for everything, and I am inexpressibly happy in the mere +sense of possession. I hate to have them grow up and to lose my pets, or +exchange them for big boys and girls. I suppose your boys are a great +help to you and company too, but I feel for you that you have not also +a couple of girls.... Poor Louisa! It is very painful to think what she +suffered. Her death was such a shock to me, I can hardly say why, that I +have never been since what I was before. I suppose my nervous system was +so shattered, that so unexpected a blow would naturally work unkindly. + +Early in the following summer she was distressed by the sudden +bereavement of dear friends and by the death of her nephew, who fell in +one of the battles of the Wilderness. In a letter to Miss Gilman, dated +June 18th, she refers to this: + +Your dear little flowers came in excellent condition, but at a moment +when I could not possibly write to tell you so. The death of Mrs. R. H. +broke my heart. I only knew her by a sort of instinct, but I sorrowed in +her mother's sorrow and in that of her sisters. Death is a blessed thing +to the one whom it leads to Christ's kingdom and presence, but oh, how +terrible for those it leaves fainting and weeping behind! We expect to +go off for the summer on next Thursday. We go to Hunter, N. Y., in the +region of the Catskills. My husband's mother has been with me during the +last six weeks and has just gone home, and I have now to do up the last +things in a great hurry. You may not know that my A. and M. S., and a +number of other young people of their age, joined our church on last +Sunday. I can hardly realise my felicity. I seem to myself to have a new +child. Your sister may have told you of the loss of Professor Hopkins' +son. He was the first grandchild in our family and his father's _all_. +We may never hear what his fate was, but the suspense has been dreadful. + +Her interest in the national struggle was intense and her conviction of +its Providential character unwavering. To a friend, who seemed to her a +little lukewarm on the subject, she wrote at this time: + +For my part, I am sometimes afraid I shall die of joy if we ever gain a +complete and final victory. You can call this spunk if you choose. +But my spunk has got a backbone of its own and that is deep-seated +conviction, that this is a holy war, and that God himself sanctions it. +He spares nothing precious when He has a work to do. No life is too +valuable for Him to cut short, when any of His designs can be furthered +by doing so. But I could talk a month and not have done, you wicked +unbeliever. + +_To her Husband, Hunter, June 27, 1864._ + +This morning, after breakfast, I sallied out with six children to take a +most charming walk, scramble, climb, etc. We put on our worst old duds, +tuck up our skirts June 27, knee-high, and have a regular good time of +it. If you were awake so early as eight o'clock--I don't believe you +were! you might have seen us with a good spy-glass, and it would have +made your righteous soul leap for joy to see how we capered and laughed, +and what strawberries we picked, and how much of a child A. turned into. +They all six "played run" till they had counted twelve and then they +tumbled down and rolled in the grass, till I wondered what their bones +were made of. I do not see that we could have found a better place for +the children. What with the seven calves, the cows, the sheep, the two +pet lambs, the dogs, hens, chickens, horses, etc., they are perfectly +happy. Just now they have been to see the butter made and to get a drink +of buttermilk. We have lots of strawberries and cream, pot-cheese, +Johnny-cakes, and there are always eggs and milk at our service. From +diplomatic motives I advise you not to say too much about Hunter to +people asking questions. It would entirely spoil its only great charm if +a rush of silly city folks should scent it out. It is really a primitive +place and that you can say. Mr. Coe preached an excellent sermon on +Sunday morning. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Hunter, July 4, 1864._ + +I have just been off, all alone, foraging, and have come home bringing +my sheaves with me: ground pine and red berries, with which I have made +a beautiful wreath. I have also adorned the picture of Gen. Grant with +festoons of evergreens, conjuring him the while not to disappoint our +hopes, but to take Richmond. Alas! you may know, by this time, that he +can't; but in lack of news since a week ago, I can but hope for the +best. I've taken a pew and we contrive to squeeze into it in this wise: +first a child, then a mother, then a child, then an Annie, then a child, +the little ones being stowed in the cracks left between us big ones. Mr. +R., the parson, looking fit to go straight into his grave, was up here +to get a wagon as he was going for a load of chips. His wife was at +home sick, without any servant, had churned three hours and the butter +wouldn't come, and has a pew full of little ones. Oh, my poor sisters in +the ministry! my heart aches for them. Mr. R. gave us a superior sermon +last Sunday.... I know next to nothing about what is going on in the +world. But George writes that he feels decidedly pleased with the look +of things. He has been carrying on like all possessed since I left, +having company to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and finally went and had Chi +Alpha all himself. + +_July 25th._--We went one day last week on a most delightful excursion, +twenty-one of us in all. Our drive was splendid and the scenery sublime; +even we distinguished Swiss travellers thought so! We came to one spot +where ice always is found, cut out big pieces, ate it, drank it, threw +it at each other and carried on with it generally. We had our dinner +on the grass in the woods. We brought home a small cartload of natural +brackets; some of them beautiful. + +_August 1st._--You have indeed had a "rich experience." [11] We all read +your letter with the deepest interest and feel that it would have been +good to be there. Your account of Caro shows what force of character she +possessed, as well as what God's grace can do and do quickly. This is +not the first time He has ripened a soul into full Christian maturity +with almost miraculous rapidity. A veteran saint could not have laid +down his armor and adjusted himself to meet death with more calmness +than did this young disciple. I do not wonder her family were borne, for +the time, above their sorrow, but alas! their bitter pangs of anguish +are yet to meet them. Her poor mother! How much she has suffered and has +yet to suffer! all the more because she bears it so heroically. + +_To Miss Emily S. Gilman, Hunter, Aug 1, 1864._ + +You must have wondered why I did not answer your letter and your book, +for both of which I thank you. Well, it has been such dry, warm weather, +that I have not felt like writing; besides, for nurse I have only a +little German girl fourteen years old, who never was out of New York +before, and whom I have been so determined on spoiling that I couldn't +bear to take her off from her play to mend, patch, darn, wash faces, +necks, feet, etc., and unconsciously did every thing there was to do +for the children and a little more besides. I like the little book very +much. You have the greatest knack, you girls, of lighting on nice books +and nice hymns. We are right in the midst of most charming walks. Here +is a grove and there is a brook; here is a creek, almost a river (big +enough at any rate to get on to the map) and there a mountain. As to +ferns and mosses for your poetical side, and as for raspberries and +blackberries for your t'other side, time would fail me if I should begin +to speak of them. I think a great deal of you and your sisters when off +on foraging expeditions, and wish you were here notwithstanding you are +mossy and ferny there. We have as yet made only one excursion. That was +delightful and gave us our first true idea of the Catskills. Before +Mr. P. came I usually went off on my forenoon walk alone, unless the +children trooped after, and came home a miniature Birnam wood, with all +sorts of things except creeping things and flying fowl. + +I have just finished reading to M. and a little girl near her age, a +little French book you would like, called "Augustin." I never met with +a sweeter picture of a loving child anywhere. Well, I may as well stop +writing. Remember me lovingly to all your dear household. + +To Mrs. Stearns she writes, Sept. 16: + +How much faith and patience we poor invalids do need! The burden of life +sits hard on our weary shoulders. I think the mountain air has agreed +with our children better than the seaside has done, but George craves +the ocean and the bathing. He spent this forenoon, as he has a good many +others, in climbing the side of the mountain for exercise, views, and +blackberries. I go with him sometimes. We had a few days' visit from +Prof. Hopkins. He has heard confirmation of the rumors of poor Eddy's +death and burial. He means to go to Ashland as soon as the state of the +country makes it practicable, but has little hope of identifying E.'s +remains. It is a great sorrow to him to _lose all he had_ in this +horrible way, but he bears it with wonderful faith and patience, and +says he never prayed for his son's life after he went into action. Some +letters received by him, give a pleasant idea of the Christian stand E. +took after entering the army. I believe this is Lizzie P----'s wedding +day. There is a beautiful rainbow smiling on it from our mountain home, +and I hope a real one is glorifying hers. + +_To Miss Gilman, Hunter, Sept. 17._ + +Oh, I wish you were here on this glorious day! The foliage has begun to +turn a little, and the mountains are in a state bordering on perfection. +It is wicked for me stay in-doors even to write this, but it seems as if +a letter from here would carry with it a savor of mountain air, and must +do you more good than one from the city could. I wish I had thought +sooner to ask you if you would like some of our mosses. I _thought_ I +had seen mosses before, but found I had not. I will enclose some dried +specimens. I thought, while I was in the woods this morning, that I +never had thanked God half enough for making these lovely things and +giving us tastes wherewith to enjoy them. + +You ask if I have spilled ink all down the side of this white house. +Yes, I have, wo be unto me. I was sick abed and got up to write to Mr. +P., not wanting him to know I was sick, and one of the children came in +and I snatched him up in my lap to hug and kiss a little, and he, of +course, hit the pen and upset the inkstand and burst out crying at my +dismay. Then might have been seen a headachy woman catching the apoplexy +by leaning out of the window and scrubbing paint, sacrificing all her +nice rags in the process, and dreadfully mortified into the bargain.... +Yesterday we were all caught in a pouring rain when several miles from +home on the side of the mountain, blackberrying. We each took a child +and came rolling and tearing down through the bushes and over stones, +H.'s little legs flying as little legs rarely fly. We nearly died with +laughing, and if I only knew how to draw, I could make you laugh by +giving you a picture of the scene. You will judge from this that we are +all great walkers; so we are. I take the children almost everywhere, and +they walk miles every day. Well, I will go now and get you some scraps +of pressed mosses. + + * * * * * + +IV. + +The Death of President Lincoln. Dedication of the Church of the +Covenant. Growing Insomnia. Resolves to try the Water-cure. Its +beneficial Effects. Summer at Newburgh. Reminiscence of an Excursion +to Paltz Point. Death of her Husband's Mother. Funeral of her Nephew, +Edward Payson Hopkins. + + +Two events rendered the month of April, 1865, especially memorable to +Mrs. Prentiss. One was the assassination of President Lincoln on the +evening of Good Friday. She had been very ill, and her husband, on +learning the dreadful news from the morning paper, thought it advisable +to keep it from her for a while; but one of the children, going into her +chamber, burst into tears and thus betrayed the secret. Her state of +nervous prostration and her profound, affectionate admiration for Mr. +Lincoln, made the blow the most stunning by far she ever received from +any public calamity. It was such, no doubt, to tens of thousands; +indeed, to the American people. No Easter morning ever before dawned +upon them amid such a cloud of horror, or found them so bowed down with +grief. The younger generation can hardly conceive of the depth and +intensity, or the strange, unnatural character, of the impression made +upon the minds of old and young alike, by this most foul murder. [12] + +The other event was of a very different character and filled her with +great joy. It was the dedication, on the last Sunday in April, of the +new church edifice, whose growth she had watched with so much interest. + +In the spring of 1865 she was induced, by the entreaty of friends who +had themselves tested his skill, to consult Dr. Schieferdecker, a noted +hydropathist, and later to place herself under his care. In a letter to +her cousin, Miss Shipman, she writes: "I want to tell you, but do +not want you to mention it to anyone, that I have been to see Dr. +Schieferdecker to know what he thought of my case. He says that I might +go on dieting to the end of my days and not get well, but that his +system could and would cure me, only it would take a _long_ time. I have +not decided whether to try his process, but have no doubt he understands +my disease." Dr. Schieferdecker had been a pupil and was an enthusiastic +disciple of Priesnitz. He had unbounded faith in the healing properties +of water. He was very impulsive, opinionated, self-confident, and +accustomed to speak contemptuously of the old medical science and those +who practised it. But for all that, he possessed a remarkable sagacity +in the diagnosis and treatment of chronic disease. Mrs. Prentiss went +through the "cure" with indomitable patience and pluck, and was rewarded +by the most beneficial results. Her sleeplessness had become too +deep-rooted to be overcome, but it was greatly mitigated and her general +condition vastly improved. She never ceased to feel very grateful to Dr. +Schieferdecker for the relief he had afforded her, and for teaching her +how to manage herself; for after passing from under his care, she still +continued to follow his directions. "No tongue can tell how much I am +indebted to him," she wrote in 1869. "I am like a ship that after poking +along twenty years with a heavy load on board, at last gets into port, +unloads, and springs to the surface." + +_To Miss E. S. Gilman, New York, Feb. 23, 1865._ + +It is said to be an ill wind that blows nobody good, and as I am +still idling about, doing absolutely nothing but receive visits from +neuralgia, I have leisure to think of poor Miss ----. I wrote to ask +her if there was anything she wanted and could not get in her region; +yesterday I received her letter, in which she mentions a book, but says +"anything that is useful for body or mind" would be gratefully received. +Now I got the impression from that article in the Independent, that she +could take next to no nourishment. Do you know what she _does_ take, and +can you suggest, from what you know, anything she would like? What's the +use of my being sick, if it isn't for her sake or that of some other +suffering soul? I want, very much, to get some things together and send +her; nobody knows who hasn't experienced it, how delightfully such +things break in on the monotony of a sick-room. Just yet I am not strong +enough to do anything; my hands tremble so that I can hardly use even a +pen; yet you need not think I am much amiss, for I go out every pleasant +day, to ride, and some days can take quite a walk. The trouble is that +when the pain returns, as it does several times a day, it knocks my +strength out of me. I hope when all parts of my frame have been visited +by this erratic sprite, it may find it worth while to beat a retreat. +Only to think, we are going to move to No. 70 East Twenty-seventh +street, and you have all been and gone away! The rent is _enormous_, +$1,000 having been just added to an already high price. Our people +have taken that matter in hand and no burden of it will come on us. I +received your letter and am much obliged to you for writing to Miss +----, for me; the reason I did not do it was, that it seemed like +hurrying her up to thank me for the little drop of comfort I sent her. +Dear me! it's hard to be sick when people send you quails and jellies, +and fresh eggs, and all such things--but to be sick and suffer for +necessaries must be terrible. + +_To the Same, New York, March 9, 1865._ + +I thank you for the details of Miss ----'s case, as I wished to describe +them to some friends. I sent her ten dollars yesterday for two of my +friends. I also sent off a box by express, for the contents of which I +had help. The things were such as I had persuaded her to mention; a new +kind of farina, figs, two portfolios (of course she didn't ask for two, +but I had one I thought she would, perhaps, like better than the one I +bought), a few crackers, and several books. Mr. P. added one of those +beautiful large-print editions of the Psalms which will, I think, be a +comfort to her. I shall also send Adelaide Newton by-and-by; I thought +she had her hands full of reading for the present, and the great thing +is not to heap comforts on her all at once and then leave her to her +fate, but keep up a stream of such little alleviations as can be +provided. She said, she had poor accommodations for writing, so I +greatly enjoyed fitting up the portfolio which was none the worse for +wear, with paper and envelopes, a pencil with rubber at the end, a +cunning little knife, some stamps, for which there was a small box, a +few pens, etc. I know it will please you to hear of this, and as the +money was furnished me for the purpose, you need not set it down to my +credit. + +I meant to go to see your sister, but my head is still in such a weak +state that though I go to walk nearly every day, I can not make calls. +It is five weeks since I went to church, for the same reason. It is a +part of God's discipline with me to keep me shut up a good deal more +than the old Adam in me fancies; but His way is _absolutely perfect_, +and I hope I wouldn't change it in any particular, if I could. Have you +Pusey's tract, "Do all to the Lord Jesus"? If not, I must send it to +you. It seems as if I had a lot of things I wanted to say, but after +writing a little my hands and arms begin to tremble so that I can hardly +write plainly. You never saw such a lazy life as I lead now-a-days; I +can't do _any_ thing. I advise you to do what you have to do for Christ +_now_; by the time you are as old as I am perhaps you will have the will +and not the power. Well, good-bye till next time. + +The summer of this year was passed at Newburgh in company with the +Misses Butler--now Mrs. Kirkbride, of Philadelphia, and Mrs. Booth, +of Liverpool--and the families of Mr. William Allen Butler, Mr. B. +F. Butler, and Mr. John P. Crosby, to all of whom Mrs. Prentiss was +strongly attached. The late Mr. Daniel Lord, the eminent lawyer, with +a portion of his family, had also a cottage near by and was full of +hospitable kindness. In spite of the exacting hydropathic treatment, she +found constant refreshment and delight in the society of so many dear +friends. "The only thing I have to complain of" she wrote, "is everybody +being too good to me. How different it is being among friends to being +among strangers!" + +In a letter to her husband, dated New York, Sept. 15, 1879, Mr. William +Allen Butler gives the following reminiscence of an excursion to Paltz +Point and an evening at Newburgh: + +From the date you, give in your note (to which I have just recurred) +of our trip to Paltz Point, it seems that in writing you to-day I have +unwittingly fallen on the anniversary of that pleasant excursion. +Without this reminder I could not have told the day or the year, but +of the excursion itself I have always had a vivid and delightful +recollection; and, if I am not mistaken, Mrs. Prentiss enjoyed it as +fully as any one of the merry party. It was only on that jaunt and in +our summer home at Newburgh that I had the opportunity of knowing her +readiness to enter into that kind of enjoyment, which depends upon the +co-operation of every member of a circle for the entertainment of all. +The elements of our group were well commingled, and the bright things +evoked by their contact and friction were neither few nor far between. +The game to which you allude of "Inspiration" or "Rhapsody" was a +favorite. The evening at Paltz Point called out some clever sallies, of +which I have no record or special recollection; but I know that then, as +always, Mrs. Prentiss seemed to have at her pencil's point for instant +use the wit and fancy so charmingly exhibited in her writings. She +published somewhere an account of one of our inspired or rhapsodical +evenings, but greatly to my regret failed to include in it her own +contribution which was the best of all. I distinctly remember the time +and scene--the September evening--the big, square sitting-room of the +old Seminary building in which you boarded--the bright faces whose +radiance made up in part for the limitations of artificial light--the +puzzled air which every one took on when presented with the list of +unmanageable words, to be reproduced in their consecutive order in prose +or verse composition within the next quarter or half hour--the stillness +which supervened while the enforced "pleasures" of "poetic pains" or +prose agony were being undergone--the sense of relief which supplemented +the completion of the batch of extempore effusions--and the fun which +their reading provoked. Mrs. Prentiss had contrived out of the odd and +incoherent jumble of words a choice bit of poetic humor and pathos, +which I never quite forgave her for omitting in the publication of the +nonsense written by other hands. These trifles as they seemed at the +time, and as in fact they were, become less insignificant in the +retrospect, as we associate them with the whole character and being +we instinctively love to place at the farthest remove from gloom or +sadness, and as they rediscover to us in the distance the native +vivacity and grace of which they were the chance expression. Since that +summer of 1865, having lived away from New York, I saw little of Mrs. +Prentiss, but I have a special remembrance of one little visit you made +at our home in Yonkers which she seemed very much to enjoy--saying of +the reunion which made it so pleasant to the members of our family and +all who happened to be together at the time, that it was "like heaven." +[13] + +During the summer of 1865 the sympathies of Mrs. Prentiss were much +wrought upon by the sickness and death of her husband's mother, who +entered into rest on the 9th of August, in the eighty-fourth year of her +age. On the 12th of the previous January, she with the whole family +had gone to Newark to celebrate the eighty-third birthday of this aged +saint. Had they known it was to be the last, they could have wished +nothing changed. It was a perfect winter's day, and the scene in the old +parsonage was perfect too. There, surrounded by children and children's +children, sat the venerable grandmother with a benignant smile upon her +face and the peace of God in her heart. As she received in birthday +gifts and kisses and congratulations their loving homage, the measure of +her joy was full, and she seemed ready to say her _Nunc dimittis_. She +belonged to the number of those holy women of the old time who trusted +in God and adorned themselves with the ornament of a meek and quiet +spirit, and whose children to the latest generation rise up and call +them blessed. + +In the course of this year her sympathies were also deeply touched by +repeated visits from her brother-in-law, Professor Hopkins, on his way +to and from Virginia. Allusion has been made already to the death of her +nephew, Lieutenant Edward Payson Hopkins. He was killed in battle while +gallantly leading a cavalry charge at Ashland, in Virginia, on the 11th +of May, 1864. In June of the following year his father went to Ashland +with the hope of recovering the body. Five comrades had fallen with +Edward, and the negroes had buried them without coffins, side by side, +in two trenches in a desolate swampy field and under a very shallow +covering of earth. The place was readily discovered, but it was found +impossible to identify the body. The disappointed father, almost +broken-hearted, turned his weary steps homeward. When he reached +Williamstown his friends said, "He has grown ten years older since he +went away." + +Several months later he learned that there were means of identification +which could not fail, even if the body had already turned to dust. +Accordingly he again visited Ashland, attended this time by soldiers, a +surgeon, and Government officials. His search proved successful, and, +to his joy, not only was the body identified, but, owing to the swampy +nature of the ground, it was found to be in an almost complete state of +preservation. There was something wonderfully impressive in the grave +aspect and calm, gentle tone of the venerable man, as with his precious +charge he passed through New York on his way home. In a letter to Mrs. +Prentiss, dated January 2d, 1866, he himself tells the story of the +re-interment at Williamstown: + +... After stopping a minute at my door the wagon passed at once to +the cemetery, and the remains were deposited in the tomb. This was on +Thursday. After consulting with my brother and his son (the chaplain) I +determined to wait till the Sabbath before the interment. Accordingly, +at 3 o'clock--after the afternoon service--the remains of my dear boy +were placed beside those of his mother. The services were simple, but +solemn in a high degree. They were opened by an address from Harry. +Prayer followed by Rev. Mr. Noble, now supplying the desk here. He +prefaced his prayer by saying that he never saw Edward but once, when he +preached at Williamstown at a communion and saw him sitting beside me +and partaking with me. Singing then followed by the choir of which Eddy +was for a long time a member. The words were those striking lines of +Montgomery: + + Go to the grave in all thy glorious prime, etc. + +After which the coffin was lowered to its place by young men who were +friends of Edward in his earlier years. + +The state of the elements was exceedingly favorable to the holding of +such an exercise in the open air at a season generally so inclement. +The night before there was every appearance of a heavy N. E. storm. But +Sabbath morning it was calm. As I went to church I noticed that the sun +rested on the Vermont mountains just north of us, though with a mellowed +light as if a veil had been thrown over them. In the after part of the +day the open sky had spread southward--so that the interment took place +when the air was as mild and serene as spring, just as the last sun +of the year was sinking towards the mountains. Almost the entire +congregation were present.... Thus, dear sister, I have given you a +brief account of the solemn but peaceful winding up of what has been to +me a sharp and long trial, and I know to yourself and family also. In +eternity we shall more clearly read the lesson which even now, in the +light of opening scenes, we are beginning to interpret. + + +[1] Richard H. Dana, the poet. + +[2] The article referred to appeared in The Biblical Repository and +Quarterly Observer for January, 1835. Vol V., pp. 1-32. It is entitled, +"What form of Law is best suited to the individual and social nature of +man?" + +[3] Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson. + +[4] The article appeared in the New York Review for July, 1839. + +[5] Some passages from the little diaries referred to, together with +further extracts from her literary journal, will be found in appendix D, +p. 541. + +[6] The Proclamation of Emancipation. + +[7] By Anna Warner. + +[8] By her friend, Mrs. Frederick G. Burnham. + +[9] "The Little Corporal." + +[10] At Fredericksburg. + +[11] Referring to the sudden death of a young niece of Mrs. S. + +[12] This was written before the assassination of President Garfield. + +[13] The "Rhapsody," referred to by Mr. Butler was preserved by a young +lady of the party, and will be found in appendix E, p. 555. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +THE PASTOR'S WIFE AND DAUGHTER OF CONSOLATION. + +1866-1868. + +I. + +Happiness as a Pastor's Wife. Visits to Newport and Williamstown +Letters. The great Portland Fire. First Summer at Dorset. The new +Parsonage occupied. Second Summer at Dorset. _Little Lou's Sayings and +Doings_. Project of a Cottage. Letters. _The Little Preacher_. Illness +and Death of Mrs. Edward Payson and of Little Francis. + + +We now enter upon the most interesting and happiest period of Mrs. +Prentiss's experience as a pastor's wife. The congregation of the Church +of the Covenant had been slowly forming in "troublous times"; it was +composed of congenial elements, being of one heart and one mind; some of +the most cultivated families and family-circles in New York belonged to +it; and Mrs. Prentiss was much beloved in them all. What a help-meet +she was to her husband and with what zeal and delight she fulfilled her +office, especially that of a daughter of consolation, among his people, +will soon appear. + +How ignorant we often are, at the time, of the turning-points in our +life! We inquire for a summer boarding-place and decide upon it without +any thought beyond the few weeks for which it was engaged; and yet, +perhaps, our whole earthly future or that of those most dear to us, +is to be vitally affected by this seemingly trifling decision. So it +happened to Mrs. Prentiss in 1866. Early in May her husband and his +brother-in-law, Dr. Stearns, went, at a venture, to Dorset, Vt., and +there secured rooms for their families during the summer. But little did +either she, or they, dream that Dorset was to be henceforth her summer +home and her resting-place in death! [1] + +The Portland fire, to which reference is made in the following letters, +occurred on the 4th of July, and consumed a large portion of the city. + +_To Miss Mary B. Shipman, Dorset, July 25, 1866._ + +Never in my life did I live through such a spring and early summer as +this! As to business and bustle, I mean. You must have given me up as a +lost case! But I have thought of you every day and longed to hear +how you were getting on, and whether you lived through that dreadful +weather. Annie went with the children to Williamstown about the middle +of June; I nearly killed myself with getting them ready to go and could +see the flesh drop off my bones. George and I went to Newport on what +Mrs. Bronson called our "bridal trip," and stayed eleven days. Mr. and +Mrs. McCurdy were kindness personified. We came home and preached on +the first Sunday in July, and then went to Greenfield Hill to spend the +Fourth with Mrs. Bronson. [2] That nearly finished me, and then I went +to Williamstown on that hot Friday and was quite finished on reaching +there, to hear about the fire in Portland. Did you ever hear of anything +so dreadful? I did not know for several days but H. and C. were burnt +out of house and home; most of my other friends I knew were, and can +there be any calamity like being left naked, hungry and homeless, +everything gone forever.... But let no one say a word that has a roof +over his head. All my father's sermons were burned, the house where +most of us were born, his church, etc. Fancy New Haven stripped of its +shade-trees, and you can form some idea of the loss of Portland in +that respect. Well, I might go on talking forever, and not have said +anything. [3] The heat upset G. and we have been fighting off sickness +for a week, I getting wild with loss of sleep. We are enchanted with +Dorset. We are so near the woods and mountains that we go every day and +spend hours wandering about among them. If there is any difference, I +think this place even more beautiful than Williamstown; it suits us +better as a summer retreat, from its great seclusion. I am, that is we +are, mean enough to want to keep it as quiet and secluded as it is +now, by not letting people know how nice it is; a very few fashionably +dressed people would just spoil it for us. So keep our counsel, you dear +child. + +A few days later she writes to Mrs. Smith, then in Europe: + +On the sixth, a day of fearful heat, I went to Williamstown, where I +found all the children as well as possible, but heard the news of the +Portland fire which almost killed me. All my father's manuscripts are +destroyed; we always meant to divide them among us and ought to have +done it long ago. I heard of any number of injudicious babies as taking +the inopportune day succeeding the fire to enter on the scene of +desolation; all born in tents. I am sorry my children will never see my +father's church, nor the house where I was born; but private griefs are +nothing when compared with a calamity that is so appalling and that must +send many a heart homeless and aching to the grave. I spent two weeks at +Williamstown, when George came for me, and the weather cooling off, we +had a comfortable journey here. We are perfectly delighted with Dorset; +the sweet seclusion is most soothing, and the house is very pleasant. +Mr. and Mrs. F. are intelligent, agreeable people, and do all they can +to make us comfortable. The mountains are so near that I hear the +crows cawing in the trees. We are making pretty things and pressing an +unheard-of quantity of ferns. We go to the woods regularly every morning +and stay the whole forenoon. In the afternoon we rest, read, write, +etc.; sometimes we drive and always after tea George walks with me about +two miles. I hope the war is not impeding your movements. I suppose you +will call this a short letter, but I think it is as long as is good for +you. All my dear nine pounds gained at Newburgh have gone by the board. +_August 20th._--I am sorry you had such hot weather in Paris, but hope +it passed off as our heat did. Dr. Hamlin's two youngest daughters have +been here, and came to see me; they are both interesting girls, and the +elder of the two really brilliant. They had never been here before, and +were carried away with the beauties of their mother's birthplace. I wish +you could see my room. Every pretty thing grows here and has come to +cheer and beautify it. The woods are everywhere, and as for the views, +oh my child! However, I do not suppose anything short of Mt. Blanc will +suit you now. + +In April, 1867, the parsonage on Thirty-fifth street was occupied. It +had been built more especially for her sake, and was furnished by the +generosity of her friends. Her joy in entering it was completed by a +"house-warming," at the close of which a passage of Scripture was read +by Prof. Smith, "All hail the power of Jesus's name" sung, and then the +blessing of Heaven invoked upon the new home by that holy man of God, +Dr. Thomas H. Skinner. Here she passed the next six years of her life. +Here she wrote the larger portion of "Stepping Heavenward." And here the +cup of her domestic joy, and of joy in her God and Saviour often ran +over. Here, too, some of her dearest Christian friendships were formed +and enjoyed. + +The summer of 1867 was passed at Dorset. In less than a month of it +she wrote one of her best children's books, _Little Lou's Sayings and +Doings_; and much of the remainder was spent in discussing with her +husband the project of building a cottage of their own. In a letter to +her cousin, Miss Shipman, dated Sept. 21, she writes: + +We have had our heads full all summer, of building a little cottage +here. We are having a plan made, and have about fixed on a lot. We are +rather tired of boarding; George hates it, and Dorset suits us as well, +I presume, as any village would. It is a lovely spot, and the people +are as intelligent as in other parts of New England. The Professor is +disappointed at our choosing this rather than Williamstown, but it would +be no rest to us to go there. We have not decided to build; it may turn +out too expensive; but we have taken lots of comfort in talking about +it. We have been on several excursions, one of them to the top of +Equinox. It is a hard trip, fully six miles walking and climbing. I have +amused myself with writing some little books of the Susy sort: four in +less than a month, A.'s sickness taking a good piece of time out of that +period. They are to appear, or a part of them, in the Riverside next +winter, and then to be issued in book-form by Hurd and Houghton. This +will a good deal more than furnish our cottage and what trees and shrubs +we want, so that I feel justified in undertaking that expense. We had +two weeks at Newport before we came here, and Mr. and Mrs. McCurdy +overwhelmed us with kindness, paying our traveling expenses, etc., and +keeping up one steady stream of such favors the whole time. I never +saw such people. How delightful it must be to be able to express such +benevolence! Well; you and I can be faithful in that which is least, at +any rate. + +We have all had plenty to read all summer, and have sat out of doors +and read a good deal. I am going now to carry a little wreath to a +missionary's wife who is spending the summer here; a nice little woman; +this will give me a three miles walk and about use up the rest of the +forenoon. In the afternoon I have promised to go to the woods with the +children, all of whom are as brown as Indians. My room is all aflame +with two great trees of maple; I never saw such a beautiful velvety +color as they have. We have just had a very pleasant excursion to a +mountain called Haystack, and ate our dinner sitting round in the grass +in view of a splendid prospect.... I have thus given you the history of +our summer, as far as its history can be written. Its ecstatic joys have +not been wanting, nor its hours of shame and confusion of face; but +these are things that can not be described. What a mystery life is, and +how we go up and down, glad to-day and sorrowful to-morrow! I took real +solid comfort thinking of you and praying for you this morning. I love +you dearly and always shall. Good-bye, dear child. + +The "four little books" afford a good illustration of the ease and +rapidity with which she composed. When once she had fixed upon a +subject, her pen almost flew over the paper. Scarcely ever did she +hesitate for a thought or for the right words to express it. Her +manuscript rarely showed an erasure or any change whatever. She +generally wrote on a portfolio, holding it upon her knees. Her pen +seemed to be a veritable part of herself; and the instant it began to +move, her face glowed with eager and pleasurable feeling. "A kitten +(she wrote to a maiden friend) a kitten without a tail to play with, +a mariner without a compass, a bird without wings, a woman without a +husband (and fifty-five at that!) furnish faint images of the desolation +of my heart without a pen." But although she wrote very fast, she never +began to write without careful study and premeditation when her subject +required it. + +About this time _The Little Preacher_ appeared. The scene of the story +is laid in the Black Forest. Before writing it she spent a good deal of +time in the Astor Library, reading about peasant life in Germany. In a +letter from a literary friend this little work is thus referred to: + +I want to tell you what a German gentleman said to me the other day +about your "Little Preacher." He was talking with me of German peasant +life, and inquired if I had read your charming story. He was delighted +to find I knew you, and exclaimed enthusiastically: "I wish I knew her! +I would so like to thank her for her perfect picture. It is a miracle of +genius," he added, "to be able thus to portray the life of a _foreign_ +people." He is very intelligent, and so I know you will be pleased with +his appreciation of your book. He said if he were not so poor, he would +buy a whole edition of the "Little Preacher" to give to his friends. + +During the autumn of this year her sister-in-law, Mrs. Edward Payson, +died after a lingering, painful illness. The following letter, dated +October 28, was written to her shortly before her departure: + +I have been so engrossed with sympathy for Edward and your children, +that I have but just begun to realise that you are about entering on a +state of felicity which ought, for the time, to make me forget them. +Dear Nelly, _I congratulate you with all my heart._ Do not let the +thought of what those who love you must suffer in your loss, diminish +the peace and joy with which God now calls you to think only of Himself +and the home He has prepared for you. Try to leave them to His kind, +tender care. He loves them better than you do; He can be to them more +than you have been; He will hear your prayers and all the prayers +offered for them, and as one whom his mother comforteth, so will He +comfort them. We, who shall be left here without you, can not conceive +the joys on which you are to enter, but we know enough to go with you to +the very gates of the city, longing to enter in with you to go no more +out. All your tears will soon be wiped away; you will see the King in +His beauty; you will see Christ your Redeemer and realise all He is and +all He has done for you; and how many saints whom you have loved on +earth will be standing ready to seize you by the hand and welcome you +among them! As I think of these things my soul is in haste to be gone; +I long to be set free from sin and self and to go to the fellowship +of those who have done with them forever, and are perfect and entire, +wanting nothing. Dear Nelly, I pray that you may have as easy a journey +homeward as your Father's love and compassion can make for you; but +these sufferings at the worst can not last long, and they are only the +messengers sent to loosen your last tie on earth, and conduct you to the +sweetest rest. But I dare not write more lest I weary your poor worn +frame with words. May the very God of peace be with you every moment, +even unto the end, and keep your heart and mind stayed upon Him! + +Mrs. Payson had been an intimate friend of her childhood, and was +endeared to her by uncommon loveliness and excellence of character. The +bereaved husband, with his little boy, passed a portion of the ensuing +winter at the parsonage in New York. There was something about the +child, a sweetness and a clinging, almost wild, devotion to his father, +which, together with his motherless state, touched his aunt to the quick +and called forth her tenderest love. Many a page of Stepping Heavenward +was written with this child in her arms; and perhaps that is one secret +of its power. When, not very long afterwards, he went to his mother, +Mrs. Prentiss wrote to the father: + +Only this morning I was trying to invent some way of framing my little +picture of Francis, so as to see it every day before my eyes. And now +this evening's mail brings your letter, and I am trying to believe what +it says is true. If grief and pain could comfort you, you would be +comforted; we all loved Francis, and A. has always said he was too +lovely to live. How are you going to bear this new blow? My heart aches +as it asks the question, aches and trembles for you. But perhaps you +loved him so, that you will come to be willing to have him in his dear +mother's safe keeping; will bear your own pain in future because through +your anguish your lamb is sheltered forever, to know no more pain, to +suffer no more for lack of womanly care, and is already developing into +the rare character which made him so precious to you. Oh do try to +rejoice for him while you can not but mourn for yourself. At the longest +you will not have long to suffer; we are a short-lived race. + +But while I write I feel that I want some one to speak a comforting word +to me; I too am bereaved in the death of this precious child, and my +sympathy for you is in itself a pang. Dear little lamb! I can not +realise that I shall never see that sweet face again in this world; but +I shall see it in heaven. God bless and comfort you, my dear afflicted +brother. I dare not weary you with words which all seem a mockery; I can +only assure you of my tenderest love and sympathy, and that we all feel +with and for you as only those can who know what this child was to you. +I am going to bed with an aching heart, praying that light may spring +out of this darkness. Give love from us all to Ned and Will. Perhaps Ned +will kindly write me if you feel that you can not, and tell me all about +the dear child's illness. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Last Visit from Mrs. Stearns. Visits to old Friends at Newport and +Rochester. Letters. Goes to Dorset. _Fred and Maria and Me_. Letters. + + +The life of a pastor's wife is passed in the midst of mingled gladness +and sorrow. While somebody is always rejoicing, somebody, too, is always +sick or dying, or else weeping. How often she goes with her husband from +the wedding to the funeral, or hurries with him from the funeral to the +wedding. And then, perhaps, in her own family circle the same process +is repeated. The year 1868 was marked for Mrs. Prentiss in an unusual +degree by the sorrowful experience. The latter part of May Mrs. Stearns, +then suffering from an exhausting disease, came to New York and spent +several weeks in hopes of finding some relief from change of scene. But +her case grew more alarming; she passed the summer at Cornwall on the +Hudson in great pain and feebleness, and was then carried home to lie +down on her dying bed. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Newport, July 7, 1868._ + +We had a dreadful time getting here; I did not sleep a wink; there +were 1,250 passengers on board, almost piled on each other, and such +screaming of babies it would be hard to equal. There are lots of people +here we know; ever so many stopped to speak to us after church. We are +in the midst of a perfect world of show and glitter. But how many empty +hearts drive up and down in this gay procession of wealth and fashion! + +I shall think of you a good deal to-day, as setting forth on your +journey and reaching your new home. I do hope you will find it +refreshing to go up the river, and that your rooms will be pleasant and +airy. We shall be anxious to hear all about it. + +It is a constant lesson to be with Mrs. McCurdy. I think she is a true +Christian in all her views of life and death. Her sweet patience, +cheerfulness and contentment are a continual reproof to me. Here she +is so lame that she can go nowhere--a lameness of over twenty +years--restricted to the plainest food, liable to die at any moment, yet +the very happiest, sunniest creature I ever saw. She says, with tears, +that God has been _too good_ to her and given her too much; that +she sometimes fears He does not love her because He gives her such +prosperity. I reminded her of the four lovely children she had lost. +"Yes," she says, "but how many lovely ones I have left!" She says that +the long hours she has to spend alone, on account of her physical +infirmities, are never lonely or sad; she sings hymns and thinks over to +herself all the pleasures she has enjoyed in the past, in her husband +and children and devoted servants. She goes up to bed singing, and I +hear her singing while she dresses. She said, the other day, that at +her funeral she hoped the only services would be prayers and hymns of +praise. I think this very remarkable from one who enjoys life as she +does. [4] + +_To the Same, Newport, July 20._ + +George and I went to Rochester, taking M. with us, last Wednesday and +got back Friday night. We had one of those visits that make a mark in +one's life; seeing Mr. and Mrs. Leonard, and Mrs. Randall, and Miss +Deborah, [5] so fond of us, and all together we were stirred up as we +rarely are, and refreshed beyond description. We rowed on Mr. Leonard's +beautiful, nameless lake, fished, gathered water-lilies, ate black +Hamburg grapes and broiled chickens, and wished you had them in our +place. Mr. L.'s mother is a sweet, calm old lady, with whom I wanted to +have a talk about Christian perfection, in which she believes; but there +was no time. It was a great rest to unbend the bow strung so high here +at Newport, where there is so much of receiving and paying visits. I +have been reading a delightful French book, the history of a saintly +Catholic family of great talent and culture, six of whom, in the course +of seven years, died the most beautiful, happy deaths. I am going to +make an abstract of it, for I want everybody I love to get the cream of +it. You would enjoy it; I do not know whether it has been translated. + +_To the Same, Dorset, July 26._ + +Here begins my first letter to you from your old room, whence I hope to +write you regularly every week. That is the one only little thing I can +do to show how truly and constantly I sympathise with you in your sore +straits. It distresses me to hear how much you are suffering, and at the +same time not to be near enough to speak a word of good cheer, or to do +anything for your comfort. It grieves me to find how insecure my health +is, for I had promised to myself to be your loving nurse, should any +turn in your disease make it desirable. Miss Lyman boards here, but +rooms at the Sykes', and her friend Miss Warner is also here, but rooms +out. Miss W. is in delicate health, takes no tea or coffee, and is full +of humor. We have run at and run upon each other, each trying to get +the measure of the other, and shall probably end in becoming very good +friends. + +It is a splendid day, and we feel perfectly at home, only missing you +and finding it queer to be occupying your room. What a nice room it is! +How I wish you were sitting here with me behind the shade of these maple +trees, and that I could know from your own lips just how you are in body +and mind. But I suppose the weary, aching body has the soul pretty well +enchained. Never mind, dear, it won't be so always; by and by the tables +will be turned, and you will be the conqueror. I like to think that far +less than a hundred years hence we shall all be free from the law of sin +and death, and happier in one moment of our new existence, than through +a whole life-time here. Rest must and will come, sooner or later, to you +and to me and to all of us, and it will be glorious. You may have seen a +notice of the death of Prof. Hopkins' mother at the age of ninety-five. +But for this terribly hot weather, I presume she might have lived to be +one hundred. + +I shall not write you such a long letter again, as it will tire you, and +if you would rather have two short ones a week, I will do that. Let me +know if I tire you. Now good-bye, dear child; may God bless and keep you +and give you all the faith and patience you need. + +_To Miss Mary B. Shipman, Dorset, Aug. 2, 1868._ + +We spent rather more than two weeks at Newport, taking two or three days +to run to Rochester, Mass., to see some of our old New Bedford friends. +We had a charming time with them, as they took us up just where they +left us nearly twenty years ago. Oh, how our tongues did fly! We left +Newport for home on Tuesday night about two weeks ago. I went on board +and went to bed as well as usual, tossed and turned a few hours, grew +faint and began to be sick, as I always am now if I lose my sleep; got +out of bed and could not get back again, and so lay on the floor all +the rest of the night without a pillow, or anything over me and nearly +frozen. The boys were asleep, and anyhow it never crossed my mind to let +them call George, who was in another state-room. He says that when he +came in, in the morning, I looked as if I had been ill six months, and I +am sure I felt so. Imagine the family picture we presented driving from +the boat all the way home, George rubbing me with cologne, A. fanning +me, the rest crying! On Saturday more dead than alive I started for this +place, and by stopping at Troy four or five hours, getting a room and a +bed, I got here without much damage. + +Our house is very pretty, and I suppose it will be done by next year. +Oh, how they do poke! George is so happy in watching it, and in working +in his woods, that I am perfectly delighted that he has undertaken this +project. It may add years to his life. Imagine my surprise at receiving +from Scribner a check for one hundred and sixty-four dollars for six +months of Fred and Maria and Me. The little thing has done well, hasn't +it? I feel now as if I should never write, any more; letter-writing is +only talking and is an amusement, but book-writing looks formidable. +Excuse this horrid letter, and write and let me know how you are. +Meanwhile collect grasses, dip them in hot water, and sift flour over +them. Good-bye, dear. + +_Fred and Maria and Me_ first appeared anonymously in the Hours at Home, +in 1865. It had been written several years before, and, without the +knowledge of Mrs. Prentiss, was offered by a friend to whom she had +lent the manuscript, to the Atlantic Monthly and to one or two other +magazines, but they all declined it. She herself thus refers to it in +a letter to Mrs. Smith, July 13: "I have just got hold of the Hours at +Home. I read my article and was disgusted with it. My pride fell below +zero, and I wish it would stay there." But the story attracted instant +attention. "Aunt Avery" was especially admired, as depicting a very +quaint and interesting type of New England religious character in the +earlier half of the century. Such men as the late Dr. Horace Bushnell +and Dr. William Adams were unstinted in their praise. In a letter to +Mrs. Smith, dated a few months later, Mrs. Prentiss writes: "Poor old +Aunt Avery! She doesn't know what to make of it that folks make so much +of her, and has to keep wiping her spectacles. I feel entirely indebted +to you for this thing ever seeing the light." When published as a book, +_Fred and Maria and Me_ was received with great favor, and had a wide +circulation. In 1874 a German translation appeared. [6] Although no +attempt is made to reproduce the Yankee idioms, much of the peculiar +spirit and flavor of the original is preserved in this version. + +_To Mrs. H. B. Smith, Dorset, August 4, 1868._ + +Miss Lyman says I have no idea of what Miss W. really is; she looks as +if she would drop to pieces, can not drive out, far less walk, and every +word she speaks costs her an effort. Miss Lyman is not well either; and +what with their health and mine, and A.'s, I see little of them. But +what I do see is delightful, and I feel it to be a real privilege to get +what scraps of their society I can. Our house proves to be far prettier +and more tasteful than I supposed. I am writing up lots of letters, and +if I ever get well enough, shall try to begin on my Katy once more. But +since reading the Recit d'une Soeur, I am disgusted with myself and my +writings. I ache to have you read it. Miss Lyman and Miss Warner send +love to you. I do not like Miss L.'s hacking cough, and she says she +does not believe Miss W. will live through the winter. Among us we +contrive to keep up a vast amount of laughter; so we shall probably live +forever. + +_August 18th._--I have enjoyed Miss Lyman wonderfully, but want to +get nearer to her. I see that she is one who does not find it easy to +express her deepest and most sacred feelings. I read Katy to her and +Miss W., as they were kind enough to propose I should, and they made +some valuable suggestions to which I shall attend if I ever get to +feeling able to begin to write again. I am as well as ever save in one +respect, and that is my sleep; I do not sleep as I did before I left +home, while I ought to sleep better, as I work several hours a day in +the woods, in fact do almost literally nothing else.... But after all, +we are having the nicest time in the world. I have not seen George so +like himself for many years; he lives out of doors, pulls down fences, +picks up brushwood, and keeps happy and well. I feel it a real mercy +that his thoughts are agreeably occupied this summer, as otherwise he +would be incessantly worried about Anna. We work together a good deal; +this morning I spoiled a new hatchet in cutting down milkweed where our +kitchen garden is to be and we are literally raising our Ebenezer, which +we mean to conceal with vines in due season. George is just as proud of +our woods as if he created every tree himself. The minute breakfast is +over the boys dart down to the house like arrows from the bow, and there +they are till dinner, after which there is another dart and it is as +much as I can do to get them to bed; I wonder they don't sleep down +there on the shavings. The fact is the whole Prentiss family has got +house on the brain. There, this old letter is done, and I am going to +bed, all black and blue where I have tumbled down, and as tired as tired +can be. + +_Aug. 28th._--I made a fire in MY woods yesterday, and another to-day, +when I melted glue, and worked at my rustic basket, and felt extremely +happy and amiable. + +_Sept. 13th._--Miss Warner told me to-night that she thought my Katy +story commonplace at the beginning, but that she changed her mind +afterward. Of course I wrote a story about that marigold of G---- +W----'s and I am dying to inflict it on you. Then if you like it, +hurrah! + +_To Miss Woolsey, Dorset, Aug. 13, 1868._ + +I was right glad to get your letter yesterday, and to learn a little +of your whereabouts and whatabouts. You may imagine "him" as seated, +spectacles on nose, reading The Nation at one end of the table, and +"her" as established at the other. This table is homely, but has a +literary look, got up to give an air to our room; books and papers are +artistically scattered over it; we have two bottles of ink apiece, and a +box of stamps, a paper cutter and a pen-wiper between us. Two inevitable +vases containing ferns, grasses, buttercups, etc., remind us that we are +in the country, and a "natural bracket" regales our august noses with +an odor of its own. A can of peaches without any peaches in it, holds +a specimen of lycopodium, and a marvelous lantern that folds up into +nothing by day and grows big at night, brings up the rear. But the most +wonderful article in this room is a bookcase made by "him," all himself, +in which may be seen a big volume of Fenelon, Taylor's Holy Living and +Dying, the Recit d'une Soeur, which have you read? Les Soirees de Saint +Petersbourg, Prayers of the Ages, a volume of Goethe, Aristotle's Ethics +and some other Greek books; the Life of Mrs. Fry, etc. etc. Such a queer +hodge-podge of books as we brought with us, and such a book-case! The +first thing "he" ever made for "her" in his mortal life. + +Our house isn't done, and what fun to watch it grow, to discuss its +merits and demerits, to grab every check that comes in from magazine and +elsewhere, and turn it into chairs and tables and beds and blankets! +Then for "them boys," what treasures in the way of bits of boards, and +what feats of climbing and leaping! Above all, think of "him" in an old +banged-in hat, and "her" in a patched old gown, gathering brushwood in +their woods, making it up into heaps, and warming themselves by the +fires it is agoing for to make. + +"Stick after stick did Goody pull!" + +Mr. P. is unusually well. His house is the apple of his eye, and he is +renewing his youth. Thus far the project has done him a world of good. + +_To Mrs. Stearns, Dorset, September 13, 1863._ + +Yesterday Mr. F. and George drove somewhere to look at sand for mortar, +and the horse took fright and wheeled round and pitched George out, +bruising him in several places, but doing no serious harm. But I shudder +when I think how the meaning might be taken out of everything in this +world, for me, at least, by such an accident. He preached all day +to-day; in the afternoon at Rupert. I find my mission-school a good deal +of a tax on time and strength, and it is discouraging business, too. One +of the boys, fourteen years old, found the idea that God loved him so +irresistibly ludicrous, that his face was a perfect study. I often think +of you as these "active limbs of mine" take me over woods and fields, +and remind myself that the supreme happiness of my father's life came to +him when he called himself what you call yourself--a cripple. If it is +not an expensive book, I think you had better buy A Sister's Story, of +which I wrote to you, as it would be a nice Sunday book to last some +time; the Catholicism you would not mind, and the cultivated, high-toned +Christian character you would enjoy. + +The boys complain, as George and I do, that the days are not half long +enough. They have got their bedsteads and washstands done, and are now +going to make couches for George and myself, and an indefinite number of +other articles. + +_Sept. 20th._--I am greatly relieved, my dear Anna, to hear that you +have got safely into your new home, and that you like it, and long to +see you face to face. George has no doubt told you what a happy summer +we have had. It has not been unmingled happiness--that is not to be +found in this world--but in many ways it has been pleasant in spite of +what infirmities of the flesh we carry with us everywhere, our anxiety +about and sympathy with you, and the other cares and solicitudes that +are inseparable from humanity. I had a great deal of comfort in seeing +Miss Lyman while she was here, and in knowing her better, and now I am +finding myself quite in love with her intimate friend, Miss Warner, who +has been here all summer. A gentler, tenderer spirit can not exist. +Mrs. F.'s brother was here with his wife, some weeks ago, and they were +summoned home to the death-bed of their last surviving child. Mrs. F. +read me a letter yesterday describing her last hours, which were really +touching and beautiful, especially the distributing among her friends +the various pretty things she had made for them during her illness, as +parting gifts. I suppose this will be my last letter from Dorset and +from your old room. Well, you and I have passed some happy hours under +this roof. Good-bye, dear, with love to each and all of your beloved +ones. + +_To Miss Eliza A. Warner, Dorset, Sept. 27, 1868._ + +I was so nearly frantic, my dear Fanny, from want of sleep, that I could +not feel anything. I was perfectly stupid, and all the way home from +East Dorset hardly spoke a word to my dear John, nor did he to me. [7] +The next day he said such lovely things to me that I hardly knew whether +I was in the body or out of it, and then came your letter, as if to make +my cup run over. I longed for you last night, and it is lucky for your +frail body that can bear so little, that you were not in your little +room at Mrs. G.'s; but not at all lucky for your heart and soul. I hope +God will bless us to each other. It is not enough that we find in our +mutual affection something cheering and comforting. It must make us more +perfectly His. What a wonderful thing it is that coming here entire +strangers to each other, we part as if we had known each other half a +century! + +I am not afraid that we shall get tired of each other. The great point +of union is that we have gone to our Saviour, hand in hand, on the +supreme errand of life, and have not come away empty. All my meditations +bring me back to that point; or, I should rather say, to Him. I came +here praying that in some way I might do something for Him. The summer +has gone, and I am grieved that I have not been, from its beginning to +its end, so like Him, so full of Him, as to constrain everybody I met to +love Him too. Isn't there such power in a holy life, and have not some +lived such a life? I hardly know whether to rejoice most in my love for +Him, or to mourn over my meagre love; so I do both. + +When I think that I have a new friend, who will be indulgent to my +imperfections, and is determined to find something in me to love, I am +glad and thankful. But when, added to that, I know she will pray for me, +and so help my poor soul heavenward, it does seem as if God had been +too good to me. You can do it lying down or sitting up, or when you are +among other friends. It is true, as you say, that I do not think much of +"lying-down prayer" in my own case, but I have not a weak back and do +not need such an attitude. And the praying we do by the wayside, in cars +and steamboats, in streets and in crowds, perhaps keeps us more near to +Christ than long prayers in solitude could without the help of these +little messengers, that hardly ever stop running to Him and coming back +with the grace every moment needs. You can put me into some of these +silent petitions when you are too tired to pray for me otherwise. + +I have been writing this in my shawl and bonnet, expecting every instant +to hear the bell toll for church, and now it is time to go. Good-bye, +dear, till by and by. + +Well, I have been and come, and--wonder of wonders!--I have had a little +tiny bit of a very much needed nap. Mr. Pratt gave us a really good +sermon about living to Christ, and I enjoyed the hymns. We have had a +talk, my John and I, about death, and I asked him which of us had better +go first, and, to my surprise, he said he thought _I_ should. I am sure +that was noble and unselfish in him. But I am not going to have even a +wish about it. God only knows which had better go first, and which stay +and suffer. Some of His children _must_ go into the furnace to testify +that the Son of God is there with them; I do not know why I should +insist on not being one of them. Sometimes I almost wish we were not +building a house. It seems as if it might stand in the way, if it should +happen I had a chance to go to heaven. I should almost feel mean to do +that, and disappoint my husband who expects to see me so happy there. +But oh, I do so long to be perfected myself, and to live among those +whose one thought is Christ, and who only speak to praise Him! + +I like you to tell me, as you do in your East Dorset letter, how you +spend your time, etc. I have an insatiable curiosity about even the +outer life of those I love; and of the inner one you can not say too +much. Good-bye. We shall have plenty of time in heaven to say all we +have to say to each other. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Return to Town. Death of an old Friend. Letters and Notes of Love and +Sympathy. An Old Ladies' Party. Scenes of Trouble and Dying Beds. Fifty +Years old. Letters. + + +Her return to town brought with it a multitude of cares. The following +months drew heavily upon her strength and sympathies; but for all that +they were laden with unwonted joy. The summer at Dorset had been a very +happy one. While there she had finished _Stepping Heavenward_ and on +coming back to her city home, the cheery, loving spirit of the book +seemed still to possess her whole being. Katy's words at its close were +evidently an expression of her own feelings: + +Yes, I love everybody! That crowning joy has come to me at last. Christ +is in my soul; He is mine; I am as conscious of it as that my husband +and children are mine; and His Spirit flows forth from mine in the +calm peace of a river, whose banks are green with grass, and glad with +flowers. + +_To Miss Eliza A. Warner, New York, Oct. 5, 1868_ + +This is the first moment since we reached home, in which I could write +to you, but I have had you in my heart and in my thoughts as much as +ever. We had a prosperous journey, but the ride to Rupert was fearfully +cold. I never remember being so cold, unless it was the night I reached +Williamstown, when I went to my dear sister's funeral.... I have told +you this long story to try to give you a glimpse of the distracted life +that meets us at our very threshold as we return home. And now I'm going +to trot down to see Miss Lyman, whom I shall just take and hug, for I am +so brimful of love to everybody that I must break somebody's bones, or +burst. John preached _delightfully_ yesterday; I wanted you there to +hear. But all my treasures are in earthen vessels; he seems all used up +by his Sunday and scarcely touched his breakfast. I don't see how his or +my race can be very long, if we live in New York. All the more reason +for running it well. And what a blessed, blessed life it is, at the +worst! "Central peace subsisting at the heart of endless agitation." +Good-bye, dear; consider yourself embraced by a hearty soul that +heartily loves you, and that soul lives in E. P. + +On the 25th of October Mr. Charles H. Leonard, an old and highly +esteemed friend, died very suddenly at his summer home in Rochester, +Mass. He was a man of sterling worth, generous, large-hearted, and +endeared to Mrs. Prentiss and her husband by many acts of kindness. He +was one of the founders of the Church of the Covenant and had also aided +liberally in building its pleasant parsonage. + +_To Miss Eliza A. Warner, New York, Oct. 26, 1868._ + +I am reminded as I write my date, that I am fifty years old to-day. My +John says it is no such thing, and that I am only thirty; but I begin to +feel antiquated, dilapidated, and antediluvian, etc., etc. + +I write to let you know that we are going to Rochester, Mass., to attend +the funeral of a dear friend there. It seems best for me to risk the +wear and tear of the going and the coming, if I can thereby give even a +little comfort to one who loves me dearly, and who is now left without +a single relative in the world. For twenty-four years these have been +faithful friends, loving us better every year, members of our church +in New Bedford, Mercer street, and then here. They lived at Rochester +during the summer and we visited them there (you may remember my +speaking of it) just before we went to Dorset. Mrs. Leonard was then +feeling very uneasy about her husband, but he got better and seemed +about as usual, till last Tuesday, when he was stricken down with +paralysis and died on Saturday. Somebody said that spending so large a +portion of my time as I do in scenes of sorrow, she wondered God did not +give me more strength. But I think He knows just how much to give. I +have been to Newark twice since I wrote you. Mrs. Stearns is in a very +suffering condition; I was appalled by the sight; appalled at the +weakness of human nature (its physical weakness). But I got over that, +and had a sweet glimpse at least of the _eternal_ felicity that is to be +the end of what at longest is a brief period of suffering. I write her +a little bit of a note every few days. I feel like a ball that now is +tossed to Sorrow and tossed back by Sorrow to Joy. For mixed in with +every day's experience of suffering are such great, such unmerited +mercies. + +Two or three of the little notes follow: + +MY DEAREST ANNA :-I long to be with you through the hours that are +before you, and to help cheer and sustain you in the trial of faith and +patience to which you are called. But unless you need me I will not +go, lest I should be the one too many in your state of excitement and +suspense. We all feel anxiety as to the result of the incision, but +take comfort in casting our care upon God. May Christ Jesus, our dear +Saviour, who loves and pities you infinitely more than any of us do, +be very near you in this season of suspense. I would gladly exchange +positions with you if I might, and if it were best; but as I may not, +and it is not best, because God wills otherwise, I earnestly commend +you to His tender sympathy. If He means that you shall be restored to +health, He will make you happy in living; if He means to call you home +to Himself, He will make you happy in dying. Dear Anna, stay yourself +on Him: He has strength enough to support you, when all other strength +fails. Remember, as Lizzy Smith said, you are "encompassed with +prayers." + +_Friday Afternoon_, + +MY DEAR ANNA :-I send you a "lullaby" for next Sunday, which I met with +at Dorset, and hope it will speak a little word and sing a little song +to you while the rest are at church. How I do wish I could see you every +day! I feel restless with longing; but you are hardly able to take any +comfort in a long visit and it is such a journey to make for-a short +one! But, as I said the other day, if at any time you feel a little +stronger and it would comfort you even a little bit to see me, I will +drop everything and run right over. It seems hard to have you suffer +so and do nothing for you. But don't be discouraged; pain can't last +forever. + + "I know not the way I am going + But well do I know my Guide! + With a childlike trust I give my hand, + To the mighty Friend at my side. + The only thing that I say to Him + As He takes it, is, 'Hold it fast. + Suffer me not to lose my way, + And bring me home at last!'" + +MY DEAR ANNA:-I feel such tender love and pity for you, but I know you +are too sick to read more than a few words. + + "In the furnace God may prove thee, + Thence to bring thee forth more bright + But can never cease to love thee: + Thou art precious in His sight!" + Your ever affectionate LIZZY. + +_To Mrs. Lenard, Friday, Oct. 30, 1858._ + +We got home safely last evening before any of the children had gone to +bed, and they all came running to meet us most joyfully. This morning I +am restless and can not set about anything. It distresses me to think +how little human friendship can do for such a sorrow as yours. When a +sufferer is on the rack he cares little for what is said to him though +he may feel grateful for sympathy. I found it hard to tear myself away +from you so soon, but all I could do for you there I could do all along +the way home and since I have got here: love you, be sorry for you, and +constantly pray for you. I am sure that He who has so sorely afflicted +you accepts the patience with which you bear the rod, and that when this +first terrible amazement and bewilderment are over, and you can enter +into communion and fellowship with Him, you will find a joy in Him that, +hard as it is to the flesh to say so, transcends all the sweetest and +best joys of human life. You will have nothing to do now but to fly to +Him. I have seen the time when I could hide myself in Him as a little +child hides in its mother's arms, and so have thousands of aching +hearts. In all our afflictions He is afflicted. But I must not weary you +with words. May God bless and keep you, and fully reveal Himself unto +you! + +_To Miss. E. A. Warner, New York, Nov. 2, 1868._ + +I have been lying on the sofa in my room, half asleep, and feeling +rather guilty at the lot of gas I was wasting, but too lazy or too tired +to get up to turn it down. Your little "spray" hangs right over the head +of my bed, an it was it was slightly dilapidated by its journey hither, +I have tucked in a bit of green fern with it to remind me that I was not +always in the sere and yellow leaf, but had a spring-time once. To think +of your going for to go and write verses to me in my old age! I have +just been reading them over and think it was real good of you to up and +say such nice things in such a nice way. I'd no idea you _could!_ We did +not come home from Rochester through Boston; if we had done so I meant +to go and see you. I made it up in many loving thoughts to you on our +twelve hours' journey. Poor Mrs. L. met me with open arms, and I was +thankful indeed that I went, though every word I said in the presence +of her terrible grief, sounded flat and cold and dead. How little +the tenderest love and sympathy can do, in such sorrows! She was so +bewildered and appalled by her sudden bereavement, that it was almost a +mockery to say a word; and yet I kept saying what I _know_ is true, that +Christ in the soul is better than any earthly joy. Both Mr. Prentiss and +myself feel the reaction which must inevitably follow such a strain. + +You ask if I look over the past on my birthdays. I suppose I used to do +it and feel dreadfully at the pitiful review, but since I have had the +children's to celebrate, I haven't thought much of mine. But this time, +being fifty years old, did set me upon thinking, and I had so many +mercies to recount and to thank God for, that I hardly felt pangs of any +sort. I suppose He controls our moods in such seasons, and I have done +trying to force myself into this or that train of thought. I am sure +that a good deal of what used to seem like repentance and sorrow for sin +on such occasions, was really nothing but wounded pride that wished it +could appear better in its own eyes. God has been so good to me! I wish +I could begin to realise how good! I think a great many thoughts to you +that I can't put on paper. Life seems teaching some new, or deepening +the impression of some old, lesson, all the time. + +You think A. may have looked scornfully at your little "spray." Well, +she didn't; she said, "What's that funny little thing perched up there? +Well, it's pretty anyhow." Among the rush of visitors to-day were Miss +Haines and the W----s. I fell upon Miss W. and told her about you, +furiously; then we got upon Miss Lyman, and it did my very soul good +to hear Miss Haines praise and magnify her. Never shall I cease to be +thankful for being with her at Dorset, to say nothing, dear, of you! Do +you know that there are twelve cases of typhoid fever at Vassar? and +that Miss Lyman is not as well as she was? I feel greatly concerned +about her, not to say troubled. I don't suppose I shall ever hear her +pray. But I shall hear her and help her praise. I don't believe a word +about there being different grades of saints in heaven. Some people +think it modest to say that they don't expect to get anywhere near so +and so, they are so--etc., etc. But I expect to be mixed all up with the +saints, and to take perfect delight in their testimony to my Saviour. + +Can you put up with this miserable letter? Folks can't rush to Newark +and to Rochester and agonise in every nerve at the sufferings of others, +and be quite coherent. I have sense enough left to know that I love you +dearly, and that I long to see you and to take sweet counsel with you +once more. Don't fail to give me the helping hand. + +The following was written to Mrs. Stearns on her silver-wedding day, +Nov. 15: + +MY DEAREST ANNA: I have thought of you all day with the tenderest +sympathy, knowing how you had looked forward to it, and what a contrast +it offers to your bridal day twenty-five years ago. But I hope it has +not been wholly sad. You have a rich past that can not be taken from +you, and a richer future lies before you. For I can see, though through +your tears you can not, that the Son of God walks with you in this +furnace of affliction, and that He is so sanctifying it to your soul, +that ages hence you will look on this day as better, sweeter, than the +day of your espousals. It is hard now to suffer, but after all, the +_light_ affliction is nothing, and the _weight_ of glory is everything. +You may not fully realise this or any other truth, in your enfeebled +state, but truth remains the same whether we appreciate it or not; and +so does Christ. Your despondency does not prove that He is not just as +near to you as He is to those who see Him more clearly; and it is better +to be despondent than to be self-righteous. Don't you see that in +afflicting you He means to prove to you that He loves you, and that you +love Him? Don't you remember that it is His son--not His enemy--that He +scourgeth? + +The greatest saint on earth has got to reach heaven on the same terms +as the greatest sinner; unworthy, unfit, good-for-nothing; but saved +through grace. Do cheer and comfort yourself with these thoughts, my +dearest Anna, and your sick-room will be the happiest room in your +house, as I constantly pray it may be! Your ever affectionate Lizzy. + +_To Miss E.A.W., New York, Nov. 17, 1868_ + +You ask how I sleep. I always sleep better at home than elsewhere; this +is one great reason why we decided to have a home all the year round. I +have to walk four or five miles a day, which takes a good deal of time, +these short days, but there is no help for it. I do not think the time +is lost when I am out of doors; I suppose Christ may go with us, _does_ +go with us, wherever we go. But I am too eager and vehement, too anxious +to be working all the time. Why, no, I don't think it _wrong_ to want to +be at work provided God gives us strength for work; the great thing is +not to repine when He disables us. I don't think, my dear, that you need +trouble yourself about my dying at present; it is not at all likely that +I shall. I feel as if I had got to be _tested_ yet; this sweet peace, of +which I have so much, almost startles me. I keep asking myself whether +it is not a stupendous delusion of Satan and my own wicked heart. How I +wish I could see you to-night! There is so much one does not like to put +on paper that one would love to say. + +_Thursday, 4 P.M._--Well, my lunch-party is over, and my sewing society +is re-organised, and before I go forth to tea, let me finish and +send off this epistle. We had the Rev. Mr. and Mrs. Washburn, of +Constantinople, Dr. Chickering, and Prof, and Mrs. Smith; gave them cold +turkey, cold ham, cold ice-cream and hot coffee; that was about all, for +society in New York is just about reduced down to eating and drinking +together, after which you go about your business. + +I am re-reading Leighton on 1st Peter; I wonder if you like it as much +as my John and I do! I hope your murderous book goes on well; then you +can take your rest next summer. Now I must get ready for my long walk +down and over to Ninth st., to see a tiny little woman, and English at +that. Her prayer at our meeting yesterday moved us all to tears. + +_To Miss Eliza A. Warner, New York, Nov. 25, 1868_ + +Mr. Prentiss complained yesterday that no letters came, an unheard-of +event in our family history, and this morning found _twelve_ sticking in +the top of the box; among them was yours, but I was just going off to my +Prayer-meeting, and had to put it into my pocket and let it go too. I +am glad you sent me Mrs. Field's letter and poem; she is a genius, and +writes beautifully. And how glad you must be to hear about your books. I +can't imagine what better work you want than writing. In what other way +could you reach so many minds and hearts? You must always send me such +letters. Before I forget it, let me tell you of a real Thanksgiving +present we have just had; three barrels of potatoes, some apples, some +dried apples, cranberries, celery, canned corn, canned strawberries, and +two big chickens. + +_After church, Thursday._--I must indulge myself with going on with my +letter, for after dinner I want to play with the children, and make this +day mean something to them besides pies. For everybody spoke for pies +this year (you know we almost never make such sinful things) and they +all said ice-cream wouldn't do at all, so yesterday I made fourteen of +these enormities, and mean to stuff them (the children, not the pies!) +so that they won't want any more for a year. I want to tell you about +some pretty coincidences; we went to church in a dismal rain, and Mr. +Prentiss preached on the _beauty_ of holiness, and every time he said +anything that made sunshine particularly appropriate, the sun came in in +floods, then disappeared till the next occasion. For instance, he spoke +of the sunshine of a happy home as so much brighter than that of the +natural sun, and the whole church was instantly illuminated; then he +said that if we had each come there with ten million sorrows, Christ +could give us light, when, lo, the church glowed again; and so on +half-a-dozen times, till at last he quoted the verse _"And the Lamb +is the light thereof,"_ when a perfect blaze of effulgence made those +mysterious, words almost startling. And then he wound up by describing +the Tyrolese custom on which Mrs. Field's poem is founded, which he +had himself seen and enjoyed, and of which, it seems, he spoke at East +Dorset last summer at the Sunday-school. [8] I read the poem and letter +to him the instant we got home, and he admired them both. It was a +little singular that her poem and his sermon came to me at almost the +identical moment, wasn't it? + +I must tell you about an old ladies' party given by Mrs. Cummings, wife +of him who prepared my father's memoir. [9] She had had a fortune left +to her and was all the time doing good with it, and it entered her head +to get up a very nice supper for twenty-six old ladies, the youngest +of whom was seventy-five (the Portland people rarely die till they're +ninety or so). She sent carriages for all who couldn't walk, and when +they all got together, the lady who described the scene to me, said it +was indescribably beautiful, all congratulating each other that they +were so far on in their pilgrimage and so near heaven! Lovely, wasn't +it? I wish I could spend the rest of my life with such people! Then she +spoke of Mrs. C.'s face during the last six months of her life, when it +had an expression so blest, so seraphic, that it was a delight to look +upon it--and how she had all the members of the ladies' prayer-meeting +come and kiss her good-bye after she was too weak to speak. + +And now the children have got together again, and I must go and stay +with them till their bed-time, when, partly for the sake of the walk, +partly because they asked us, we twain are going to see the Smiths. +I rather think, my dear, that if, as you say, you could see all my +thoughts, you would drop me as you would a hot potato. You would see +many good thoughts, I won't deny that, and some loving ones; but you +would also see an abominable lot of elated, conceited, horrid ones; +self-laudation even at good planned to do, and admired before done. But +God can endure what no mortal eye could; He does not love us because we +are so lovely, but because He always loves what He pities. I fall back +upon this thought whenever I feel discouraged; I was going to say _sad_, +but that isn't the word, for I never do feel sad except when I've been +eating something I'd no business to! Good-bye, dearie. + +_To the Same, New York, Dec. 3, 1868._ + +I think I must indulge myself, my dear, in writing to you to-night, +it being really the only thing I want to do, unless it be to lie half +asleep on the sofa. And that I can't do, for there's no sofa in the +room! The cold weather has made it agreeable to have a fire in the +dining-room grate, and this makes it a cheerful resort for the children, +especially as the long table is very convenient for their books, +map-drawing, etc. And wherever the rest are the mother must be; I +suppose that is the law of a happy family, in the winter at least. +The reason I am so tired to-night is that I have been unexpectedly to +Newark. I went, as soon as I could after breakfast, to market, and then +on a walk of over two miles to prepare myself for our sewing-circle! I +met our sexton as I was coming home, and asked him to see what ailed one +of the drawers of my desk that wouldn't shut. We had a terrible time +with it, and I had to take everything out, and turn my desk topsy-turvy, +and your letters and all my other papers got raving distracted, and all +mixed up with bits of sealing-wax, old pens, and dear knows what not, +when down comes A. from the school-room, to say that Mrs. Stearns had +sent for me to come right out, thinking she was dying. I knew nothing +about the trains, always trusting to Mr. Prentiss about that, but in +five minutes I was off, and on reaching the depot found I had lost a +train by ten minutes, and that there wouldn't be another for an hour. +Then I had leisure to remember that Mr. P. was to get home from Dorset, +that I had left no message for him, had hid away all the letters that +had come in his absence, where he couldn't find them; that if it was +necessary for me to stay at Newark all night he would be dreadfully +frightened, etc., etc. Somehow I felt very blue, but at last concluded +to get rid of a part of the time by hunting up some dinner at a +restaurant. + +When I at last got to Newark, I found that Mrs. Stearns' disease had +suddenly developed several unfavorable symptoms. She had made up her +mind that all hope was over, had taken leave of her family, and now +wanted to bid me good-bye. She held my hands fast in both hers, begging +me to talk. I spoke freely to her about her death; she pointed up once +to an illumination I gave her last spring: SIMPLY TO THY CROSS I CLING. +"That," she said, "is all I can do." I said all I could to comfort her, +but I do not know whether God gave me the right word or not. + +On my return, as I got out of the stage near the corner of our street, +whom should my weary eyes light on but my dear good man, just got +home from Dorset; how surprised and delighted we were to meet so +unexpectedly! M. rushed to meet us, and afterward said to me, "I have +three great reliefs; you have got home; papa has got home; and Aunt Anna +is still alive." My children were never so lovely and loving as they +are this winter; my home is almost too luxurious and happy; such +things don't belong to this world. We have just heard of the death in +Switzerland of Mr. Prentiss' successor at New Bedford, classmate of one +of my brothers, and some one has sent a plaintive, sweet little dying +song written at Florence by him. Now I am too fagged to say another +word. + +_Dec. 4th._--"I do not get _any_ time to write; each day brings its own +special work that can't be done to-morrow; as to letters, I scratch them +off at odd moments, when too tired to do anything else. What a resource +they are! They do instead of crying for me. And how many I get every +week that are loving and pleasant! + +What do you think of this? I hope it will make you laugh--a lady told me +she never confessed her sins aloud (in prayer) lest Satan should find +out her weak points and tempt her more effectually! And I want to ask +you if you ever offer to pray with people? I never do, and yet there are +cases when nothing else seems to answer. Oh, how many questions of +duty come up every hour, and how many reasons we have every hour to be +ashamed of ourselves! + +_Monday morning._--It was a shame to write to you, when I was so tired +that I could not write legibly, but my heart was full of love, and I +longed to be near you. Now Monday has come, a lowering, forbidding day, +yet all is sunshine in my soul, and I hope that may make my home light +to my beloved ones, and even reach you, wherever you are. I am going +to run out to see how Mrs. Stearns is. Our plan is for me to make +arrangements to stay with her, if I can be of any use or comfort. I +literally love the house of mourning better than the house of feasting. +All my long, long years of suffering and sorrow make sorrow-stricken +homes homelike, and I can not but feel, because I know it from +experience, that Christ loves to be in such homes. So you may +congratulate me, dear, if I may be permitted to go where He goes. I +wish you could have heard yesterday's sermon about God's having as +_characteristic, individual_ a love to each of us as we have to our +friends. Think of that, dear, when you remember how I loved you in Mrs. +G.'s little parlor! Can you realise that your Lord and Saviour loves you +infinitely more? I confess that such conceptions are hard to attain.... +Can't you do M---- S---- up in your next letter, and send her to me on +approbation? Instead of being satisfied that I've got you, I want her +and everybody else who is really good, to fill up some of the empty +rooms in my heart. This is a rambling, scrambling letter, but I don't +care, and don't believe you do. Well, good-bye; thank your stars that +this bit of paper hasn't got any arms and can't hug you! + +_To Mrs. Leonard, New York, Dec. 13, 1868._ + +There is half an hour before bed-time, and I have been thinking of and +praying for you, till I feel that I _must_ write. I forgot to tell you, +how the verses in my Daily Food, on the day of your dear husband's +death, seem meant for you: + +"Thou art my refuge and portion."--Ps. cxliii. 5. + + 'Tis God that lifts our comforts high, + Or sinks them in the grave; + He gives, and blessed be His name! + He takes but what He gave. + +The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away.--JOB i. 21. + +I have had this little book thirty-three years, it has travelled with me +wherever I have been, and it has been indeed my song in the house of my +pilgrimage. This has been our communion Sunday, and I have been very +glad of the rest and peace it has afforded, for I have done little +during the last ten days but fly from one scene of sorrow to another, +from here to Newark and from Newark to Brooklyn.... So I have alternated +between the two dying beds; yesterday Jennie P. went into a convulsion +just as I entered the room, and did not fully come out of it for an hour +and a half, when I had to come away in order to get home before pitch +dark. What a terrible sight it is! They use chloroform, and that has a +very marked effect, controlling all violence in a few seconds. Whether +the poor child came out of that attack alive I do not know; I had no +doubt she was dying till just before I came away, when she appeared +easier, though still unconscious. The family seem nearly frantic, and +the sisters are so upset by witnessing these turns, that I shall feel +that I must be there all I can. I am in cruel doubt which household to +go to, but hope God will direct. + +Mr. Prentiss is a good deal withered and worn by his sister's state; he +had never, by any means, ceased to hope, and he is much afflicted. She +and Jennie may live a week or more, or go at any moment. In my long +hours of silent musing and prayer, as I go from place to place, I think +often of you. I think one reason why we do not get all the love and +faith we sigh for is that we try to force them to come to us, instead of +realising that they must be God's free gifts, to be won by prayer.... +And now Mr. P. has come up-stairs rolled up in your afghan, and we have +decided to go to both Newark and Brooklyn to-morrow, so I know I ought +to go to bed. You must take this letter as a great proof of my love to +you, though it does not say much, for I am bewildered by the scenes +through which I am passing, and hardly fit therefore to write. What I +do not say I truly feel, real, deep, constant sympathy with you in your +sorrow and loneliness. May God bless you in it. + + +[1] Dorset is situated in Bennington county, about sixty miles from +Troy and twenty-five miles from Rutland. Its eastern portion lies in a +deep-cut valley along the western slope of the Green Mountain range, on +the line of the Bennington and Rutland railroad. Its western part--the +valley in which Mrs. Prentiss passed her summers--is separated from East +Dorset by Mt. Aeolus, Owl's Head, and a succession of maple-crested +hills, all belonging to the Taconic system of rocks, which contains the +rich marble, slate, and limestone quarries of Western Vermont. In the +north this range sweeps round toward the Equinox range, enclosing the +beautiful and fertile upland region called The Hollow. Dorset belonged +to the so-called New Hampshire Grants, and was organised into a township +shortly before the Revolutionary War. Its first settlers were largely +from Connecticut and Massachusetts. They were a hardy, intelligent, +liberty-loving race, and impressed upon the town a moral and religious +character, which remains to this day. + +[2] Mrs. Arthur Bronson, of New York. A life of Mrs. Prentiss would +scarcely be complete without a grateful mention of this devoted friend +and true Christian lady. She was the centre of a wide family circle, to +all of whose members, both young and old, she was greatly endeared by +the beauty and excellence of her character. She died shortly after Mrs. +Prentiss. + +[3] While supposing that her brothers had been burnt out and had, +perhaps, lost everything, she wrote to her husband with characteristic +generosity: "If they did not kill themselves working at the fire, they +will kill themselves trying to get on their feet again. Every cent I +have I think should be given them. My father's church and everything +associated with my youth, gone forever! I can't think of anything else." + +[4] Mrs. McCurdy died at her home in New York in December, 1876. A few +sentences from a brief address at the funeral by her old pastor will not +be here out of place. "Her natural character was one of the loveliest +I have ever known. Its leading traits were as simple and clear as +daylight, while its cheering effect upon those who came under its +influence was like that of sunshine. She was not only very happy +herself--enjoying life to the last in her home and her friends--but she +was gifted with a disposition and power to make others happy such as +falls to the lot of only a select few of the race. Her domestic and +church ties brought her into relations of intimate acquaintance and +friendship with some of the best men of her times. I will venture to +mention two of them: her uncle, the late Theodore Frelinghuysen, one of +the noblest men our country has produced, eminent alike as statesman, +scholar, and Christian philanthropist; and the sainted Thomas H. +Skinner, her former pastor. Her sick-room--if sick-room is the proper +name--in which, during the last seventeen years, she passed so much of +her time, was tinged with no sort of gloom; it seemed to have two doors, +one of them opening into the world, through which her family and friends +passed in and out, learning lessons of patience and love and sweet +contentment: the other opening heavenward, and ever ajar to admit the +messenger of her Lord, in whatever watch he should come to summon her +home. The place was like that upper chamber facing the sunrising, and +whose name was _Peace_, in which Bunyan's Pilgrim was lodged on the way +to the celestial city. How many pleasant and hallowed memories lead back +to that room!" + +[5] Old New Bedford friends. + +[6] Fritz und Maria und Ich. Von Mrs. Prentiss. Deutsche autorisirte +Ausgabe. Von Marie Morgenstern. Itzchoe, 1874. + +[7] She gave me the pet-name of "Fanny" because she did not like mine, +and there was an old joke about "John."--E. A. W. + +[8] The custom related to a pious salutation, with which two _friends_, +or even _strangers_, greet each other, when meeting on the mountain +highways and passes in certain districts of Tyrol. _"Gelobt sei Jesu +Christ!"_ cries one; _"In Ewigkeit, Amen!"_ answers the other (_i.e._, +"Praised be Jesus Christ!" "For evermore, Amen!") The following lines +are from Mrs. F.'s Poem: + + "When the poor peasant, alpenstock in hand, + Toils up the steep, + And finds a friend upon the dizzy height + Amid his sheep, + + "They do not greet each other as in our + Kind English way, + Ask not for health, nor wish in cheerful phrase + prosperous day; + + "Infinite thoughts alone spring up in that + Great solitude, + Nothing seems worthy or significant + But heavenly good; + + "So in this reverent and sacred form + Their souls outpour,-- + Blessed be Jesus Christ's most holy name! + 'For evermore!'" + +[9] Rev. Asa Cummings, D.D., of Portland, for many years editor of the +Christian Mirror; one of the weightiest, wisest and best men of his +generation. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +STEPPING HEAVENWARD. + +1869. + +I. + +Death of Mrs. Stearns. Her Character. Dangerous Illness of Prof. Smith. +Death at the Parsonage. Letters. A Visit to Vassar College. Letters. +Getting ready for General Assembly. "Gates Ajar." + + +A little past three o'clock on Saturday afternoon, January 2, 1869, Anna +S. Prentiss, wife of the Rev. Jonathan F. Stearns, D.D., fell asleep in +Jesus. The preceding pages show what strong ties bound Mrs. Prentiss to +this beloved sister. Their friendship dated back thirty years; it was +cemented by common joys and common sorrows in some of their deepest +experiences of life; and it had been kept fresh and sweet by frequent +intercourse and correspondence. Mrs. Stearns was a woman of uncommon +attractions and energy of character. She impressed herself strongly +upon all who came within the sphere of her influence; the hearts of her +husband's people, as well as his own and those of her children, trusted +in her; and the whole community where she dwelt mourned her loss. She +had been especially endeared to her brother Seargent, with whom she +spent several winters in the South prior to her marriage. Her influence +over him, at a critical period of his life, was alike potent and happy; +their relation to each other was, in truth, full of the elements of +romance; and some of his letters to her are exquisite effusions of +fraternal confidence and affection. [1] Her letters to him, beginning +when she was a young girl and ending only with his life, would form a +large volume. "You excel any one I know," he wrote to her, "in the +kind and gentle art of letter-writing." In the midst of his early +professional triumphs he writes: + +You do not know what obligations I am under to you; I owe all my success +in this country to the fact of having so kind a mother and such sweet +affectionate sisters as Abby and yourself. It has been my only motive to +exertion; without it I should long since have thrown myself away. Even +now, when, as is frequently the case, I feel perfectly reckless both +of life and fortune, and look with contempt upon them both, the +recollection that there are two or three hearts that beat for me with +real affection, even though far away--comes over me as the music of +David did over the dark spirit of Saul. I still feel that I have +something worth living for. + +For years her letters helped to cherish and deepen this feeling. He thus +refers to one of them: + +I can not tell how much I thank you for it. I cried like a child while +reading it, and even now the tears stand in my eyes, as I think of its +expressions of affection, sympathy, and good sense.... I wish you were +here now--oh, how I do wish it! But you will come next fall, won't you? +and be to me + + The antelope whose feet shall bless + With her light step my loneliness. + + +But my candle burns low, and it is past the witching hour of night. +Whether sleeping or waking, God bless you and our dear mother, and all +of you. Good-night--good-night. My love loads this last line. + +To Mrs. Prentiss and her husband, the death of Mrs. Stearns was an +irreparable loss. It took out of their life one of its greatest earthly +blessings. + +The new year opened with another painful shock--the sudden and dangerous +illness of her husband's bosom friend, Henry Boynton Smith. Prof. Smith +was to have made one of the addresses at the funeral of Mrs. Stearns; +but instead of doing so, he was obliged to take to his bed, and, soon +afterwards, to flee for his life beyond the sea. To this affliction the +reader is indebted for the letters to Mrs. Smith, contained in this +chapter. On the 16th of February another niece of her husband, a sweet +child of seventeen, was brought to the parsonage very ill and died +there before the close of the month. Her letters will show how she was +affected by these troubles. + +_To Mrs. Leonard, New York, Jan. 9, 1869._ + +So many unanswered letters lie piled on my desk that I hardly know which +to take up first, but my heart yearns over you, and I can not help +writing you. No wonder you grow sadder as time passes and the beloved +one comes not, and comes not. I wish I could help you bear your burden, +but all I can do is to be sorry for you. The peaceable fruits of sorrow +do not ripen at once; there is a long time of weariness and heaviness +while this process is going on; but I do not, will not doubt, that you +will taste these fruits, and find them very sweet. One of the hard +things about bereavement is the physical prostration and listlessness +which make it next to impossible to pray, and quite impossible to feel +the least interest in anything. We must bear this as a part of the pain, +believing that it will not last forever, for nothing but God's goodness +does. How I wish you were near us, and that we could meet and talk and +pray together over all that has saddened our lives, and made heaven such +a blessed reality! + +There is not much to tell about the last hours of our dear sister. She +had rallied a good deal, and they all thought she was getting well; but +the day after Christmas typhoid symptoms began to set in. I saw her on +the Monday following, found her greatly depressed, and did not stay +long. On Saturday morning, we got a dispatch we should have received +early on New Year's day, saying she was sinking. We hurried out, found +her flushed and bright, but near her end, having no pulse at either +wrist, and her hands and feet cold. She had had a distressing day and +night, but now seemed perfectly easy; knew us, gave us a glad welcome, +reminded me that I had promised to go with her to the end, and kissed us +heartily. Every time we went near her she gave us such a glad smile that +it was hard to believe she was going so soon. She talked incessantly, +with no signs of debility, but it was the restlessness of approaching +death. + +At three in the afternoon they all came into the room, as they always +did at that hour. She said a few things, and evidently began to lose her +sight, for as Lewis was about to leave the room, she said, "Good-night, +L.," and then to me, "Why, Lizzy dear, you are not going to stay all +night?" I said, "Oh yes, don't you know I promised to stay with A., who +will be so lonely?" She looked pleased, but greatly surprised, her mind +being so weak, and in a few seconds she laid her restless hands on her +breast, her eyes became fixed, and the last gentle breaths began to come +and go. "Is the doctor here?" she asked. We told her no, and then Mr. S. +and the nurse, who were close each side of her, began to repeat a verse +or two of Scripture; then seeing she was apparently too far gone to +hear, Mr. S. leaned over and whispered, "My darling!" She made no +response, on which he said, "She can make no response," and she said, +"But I hear," gave one or two more gentle little breaths, and was gone. +I forgot to say that after her eyes were fixed, hearing Mr. S. groan, +she _stopped dying_, turned and gave a parting look! I never saw an +easier death, nor such a bright face up to the very last. One of the +doctors coming in, in the morning, was apparently overcome by the +extraordinary smile she gave him, for he turned away immediately without +a word, and left the house. I staid, as they wished me to do, till +Monday night, when I came home quite used up. Your sorrow, and the +sorrow at Brooklyn, and now this one, have come one after another until +it seemed as if there was no end to it; such is life, and we must bear +it patiently, knowing the end will be the more joyful for all that +saddened the way. + +I shall always let you know if anything of special interest occurs in +the church or among ourselves. After loving you so many years, I am +not likely to forget you now. The addresses at Mrs. S.'s funeral will +probably be published, and we will send you a copy. Mr. P. is bearing +up bravely, but feels the listlessness of which I spoke, and finds +sermonising hard work. He joins me in love to you. Do write often. + +_To Miss Eliza A. Warner, New York, Feb. 16, 1869._ + +On coming home from church on Sunday afternoon I found one of the +Brooklyn family waiting to tell us that another of the girls was very +ill, that they were all worn out and nearly frantic, and asking if she +might be brought here to be put under the care of some German doctor, +as Dr. Smith had given her up. In the midst of my sorrow for the poor +mother, I thought of myself. How could I, who had not been allowed to +invite Miss Lyman here, undertake this terrible care? You know what a +fearful disease it is--how many convulsions they have; but you don't +know the harm it did me just seeing poor Jennie P. in one. Yesterday I +tried hard to let God manage it, but I know I wished He would manage it +so as to spare me; it takes so little to pull me down, and so little to +destroy my health. But I wasn't in a good frame, couldn't write a Percy +for the Observer, got a letter from some house down town, asking me to +write them Susy books, got a London Daily News containing a nice notice +of Little Lou, but nought consoled me. [2] In fact, I dawdled so long +over H.'s lessons, which I always hear after breakfast, that I had not +my usual time to pray; and that, of itself, would spoil any day. After +dinner came two of the Prentiss sisters to say that Dr. [Horatio] Smith +said Eva's one chance of getting well was to come here for change of air +and scene--would I take her and her mother? Of course I would. They +then told me that Dr. Smith had said his brother's case was perfectly +hopeless. This upset me. My feet turned into ice and my head into a ball +of fire. As soon as they left, I had the spare room arranged, and then +went out and walked till dark to cool off my head, but to so little +purpose that I had a bad night; the news about Prof. S. was so dreadful. +Mr. Prentiss was appalled, too. I had to make this a day of rest--not +daring to work after such a night. Got up at seven or so, took my bath, +rung the bell for prayers at twenty minutes of eight. After breakfast +heard H.'s lessons, then read the 20th chapter of Matthew; and mused +long on Christ's coming to minister--not to be ministered unto. Prayed +for poor Mrs. Smith and a good many weary souls, and felt a little bit +better. Then went down to Randolph's at the request of a lady, who +wanted him to sell some books she had got up for a benevolent object. He +said he'd take twelve. Then to the Smiths, burdened with my sad secret. +Got home tired and depressed. Tried to get to sleep and couldn't, tried +to read and couldn't. + +At last they came with the sick girl, and one look at the poor, half- +fainting child, and her mother's "Nobody in the world but you would have +let us come," made them welcome; and I have rejoiced ever since that +_God let_ them come. One of the first things they said took my worst +burden off my back; the whole story about Prof. Smith was a dream! Can +you conceive my relief? We had dinner. Eva ate more than she had done +for a long time. We had a long talk with her mother after dinner; then I +went up to the sick-room and stayed an hour or so; then had a call; then +ran out to carry a book to a widowed lady, that I hoped would comfort +her; then home, and with Eva till tea-time. Then had some comfort in +laying all these cares and interests in those loving Arms that are +always so ready to take them in. I enjoy praying in the morning best, +however--perhaps because less tired; but sometimes I think it is owing +to a sort of night-preparation for it; I mean, in the wakeful times of +night and early morning. + +_Wednesday, 17th_--While I was writing the above all the Brooklyn +Prentisses went to bed, and we New York Prentisses went to the Sunday- +school rooms next door to a church-gathering. There are three rooms that +can be thrown together, and they were bright and fragrant with flowers, +most of which the young men sent me afterwards, exquisite things. I had +a precious talk with Dr. Abbot, one of whose feet, to say the least, is +already on the topmost round. I only wish he was a woman. The church was +open, and we all went in and listened to some fine music. Coming out +I said to a gentleman who approached me, "How is little baby?" "Which +little baby?" "Why, the youngest." "Oh, we haven't any baby." And lo! I +had mistaken my man! Imagine how _he_ felt and how _I_ felt! We got home +at eleven P.M., and so ended my day of rest. I have 540 things to say, +but there is so much going on that I shall defraud you of them--aren't +you glad? Have you read the "Gates Ajar"? I have, with real pain. I do +not think you will be so shocked at it as I am, but hope you don't like +it. It is full of talent, but has next to no Christ in it, and my heaven +is full of Him. I have finished Faber. How queer he is with his 3's and +5's and 6's and 7's! I feel all done up into little sums in addition, +and that's about all I know of myself--he's bewildered me so. There are +fine things in it, and I took the liberty of making a wee cross against +some of them, which you can rub out. Miss L. sent me another of his +books, which I am reading now--"All for Jesus." + +_To Mrs. Henry B. Smith, New York, March 22, 1869_ + +We were gladdened early this morning by the arrival of your letter, +and the good news it contained. I had a dreadful fright on the day you +reached Southampton. Mr. Moore sent up a cable dispatch announcing the +fact, and as it came directed to both of us, and I supposed it to be +from you, I thought some terrible thing had happened. I paraded down to +M. with your letter, and she, at the same time, paraded up here with the +one to her and the rest. So we got all the news there was, and longed +for more. I hope the worst is now over. I have just got home from a +visit of four days and nights to Miss Lyman. I enjoyed it exceedingly, +and wish I could tell you all about it, but can't in a letter. She has +turns of looking absolutely _aged_, and seems a good deal of the time in +a perfect worry, I don't know what about. Otherwise she is better than +last summer. I never saw her when at work before, and perhaps she always +appears so. We had two or three good rousing laughs, however, and that +did us both good. I did not know she was so fond of flowers; she buys +them and keeps loads of them about her parlors, library, and bedroom. +What a world it is there! I only wish she was happier in her work, but +perhaps if we could get behind the scenes, we should find all human +workers have their sorrows and misgivings and faintings. According to +her I had an "inquiry meeting" once or twice; believe it if you can and +dare. It was certainly very pleasant to get into such an intelligent +Christian atmosphere, and on the whole I've got rather converted to +Vassar. + +I have been greatly delighted with a present of one of my father's cuff- +buttons (which I well remember), and a lock of his hair.... I haven't +got anything more to say. Oh, Mrs. ---- left that on her card here the +other day, and we called on her this afternoon. What a jolly old lady +she is! Of course, anybody could believe in perfection who was as fat +and well as she! + +_To Mrs. Leonard, New York, April 5, 1869_ + +If I should send you a letter every time I send you a thought, you would +be quite overwhelmed with them. Now that Mrs. S. has gone away, and some +of my pressing cares are over, I miss you more than ever. We have had a +good deal to sadden us this winter, beginning with your sorrow, which +was also ours; and Eva P.'s death, occurring as it did in our house, was +a distressing one. She was here about a fortnight, and the first week +came down to her meals, though she kept in her room the rest of the +time. On Tuesday night of the second week she was at the tea-table, and +played a duet with A. after tea. Soon after she was taken with distress +for breath, and was never in bed again, but sat nearly double in a +chair, with one of us supporting her head. It was agonizing suffering +to witness, and the care of her was more laborious than anyone can +conceive, who did not witness or participate in it. We had at last to +have six on hand to relieve each other. She died on Saturday, after four +terrible days and nights. We knew she would die here when they first +proposed her coming, but did not like to refuse her last desire, and are +very glad we had the privilege of ministering to her last wants.... For +you I desire but one thing--a full possession of Christ. Let us turn +away our eyes from everything that does not directly exalt Him in +our affections; we are poor without Him, no matter what our worldly +advantages are; rich with Him when stripped of all besides. Still I know +you are passing through deep waters, and at times must well nigh sink. +But your loving Saviour will not let you sink, and He never loved you +so well as He does now. How often I long to fly to you in your lonely +hours! But I can not, and so I turn these longings into prayers. I hope +you pray for me, too. You could not give me anything I should value so +much, and it is a great comfort to me to know that you love me. I care +more to be loved than to be admired, don't you? I hope that by next +winter you may feel that you can come and see us; I want to see you, not +merely to write to you and get answers. I send you a picture of our nest +at Dorset. Good-bye. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, April 20, 1869_ + +I opened your letter in the street, and was at once confronted with a +worldly-looking bit of silk! How _can_ you! Why don't you follow my +example and dress in sackcloth and ashes? I think however, if you _will_ +be worldly you have done it very prettily, and on the whole don't know +that it is any wickeder than I have been in translating a "dramatic +poem" in five acts from the German, only you've got your dress done and +I'm only half through my play; and there's no knowing how bad I shall +get before I am through. I wonder if you are sitting by an open window, +as I am, and roasting at that? I had a drive with A. and M. through the +Park yesterday, and saw stacks of hyacinths in bloom, and tulips and +violets and dandelions; a willow-tree not far from my window has put +on its tender green, and summer seems close at hand. I have been to an +auction and got cheated, as I might have known I should; and the +other day I had my pocket picked. As to "Gates Ajar," most people are +enchanted with it; but Miss Lyman regards it as I do, and so do some +other elect ladies. I have just written to see if she will come down and +get a little rest, now the weather is so fine. Mr. P. has gone to Dorset +to be gone all the week, and I am buying up what is to be bought, +begrudging every cent! mean wretch that I am. + +I have looked through and read parts of "Patience Strong's Outings"--an +ugly title, and a transcendental style, but beautiful in conception, and +taken off the stilts, in execution. I do not like the cant of Unitarians +any better than they like ours, but I like what is elevating in any +sect. I have had a present of a lot of table-linen, towels, etc., for +Dorset, and feel a good deal like a young housekeeper. I wonder how soon +you go back to Northampton? How queer it must be to be able to float +round! It is a pity you could not float to New York, and get a good +hugging from this old woman. We expect 250 ministers here in May at +general assembly (I ought to have spelt it with a big G and a big A). My +dear child, what makes you get blue? I don't much believe in any blue +devils save those that live in the body and send sallies into the mind. +Perhaps I should, though, if I had not a husband and children to look +after; how little one can judge for another! + + * * * * * + +II. + +How she earned her Sleep. Writing for young Converts about speaking the +Truth. Meeting of the General Assembly in the Church of the Covenant. +Reunion. D.D.s and Strawberry Short-cake. "Enacting the Tiger." Getting +ready for Dorset. Letters. + + +This year was one of the busiest of her life; and it were hard to say +which was busiest, her body or mind; her hand, heart, or brain. This +relentless activity was caused in part by the increasing difficulty of +obtaining sleep. Incessant work seemed to be, in her case, a sort of +substitute for natural rest and a solace for the loss of it. She alludes +to this constant struggle with insomnia in a letter to Miss Warner, +dated May 9th: + +If you knew the whole story you would not envy my power of driving about +so much. You can lie down and sleep when you please; I must earn my +sleep by hard work, which uses up so much time that I wonder I ever +accomplish anything. I believe that God arranges our various burdens and +fits them to our backs, and that He sets off a loss against a gain, so +that while some seem more favored than others, the mere aspect deceives. +I have to make it my steady object throughout each day, so to spend time +and strength as to obtain sleep enough to carry me through the next; it +is thus I have acquired the habit of taking a large amount of exercise, +which keeps me out of doors when I am longing to be at work within. You +say I seem to be always in a flood of joy; well, that too is _seems_. I +think I know what joy in God means, though perhaps I only begin to know; +but I am a weak creature; I fall into snares and get entangled--not +nearly so often as I used to do, but still do get into them. I have a +perfect horror of them; the thought of having anything come between God +and my soul makes me so restless and uneasy that I hardly know which way +to turn. I have been very much absorbed of late in various interests, +and am sure they have contrived to occupy me too much; pressing cares do +sometimes, and oh, how ashamed I am! + +Do write for young inquirers, if your heart prompts you to do it. I +don't know what to think of your suggestion that in writing for young +converts I should impress it upon them to speak the truth. It seems +to me just like telling them not to commit murder; and that would be +absurd. Do Christians cheat and tell lies? I have a great aversion to +writing about such things; if children are not trained _at home_ to be +upright and full of integrity, it can't be that books can rectify that +loss. You may reply that home-training is defective in thousands of +cases; yes, that is true, but I have a feeling that truth and honesty +must spring from a soil early prepared for them, and that a young person +who is in the _habit_ of falsehood is not a Christian and needs to go +back to first principles. I can't endure subterfuges, misrepresentation, +and the like; the whole foundation looks wrong when people indulge +themselves in them, and to say to a Christian, "I hope you are +truthful," is to my mind as if I should say to him, "I hope you wash +your face and hands every day." Now if your observation says I am wrong, +let's know; I am open to conviction. + +_To Mrs. H. B. Smith, New York, May 24, 1869._ + +It has just come to me that the true way to enjoy writing and to have +you enjoy hearing, is to keep a sort of journal, where little things +will have a chance to speak for themselves. + +We are now in the midst of General Assembly. Mr. Stearns is here, and +we have sprinklings of ministers to dine and to tea at all sorts of odd +hours.... I can't help loving what is Christlike in people, whether I +like their natural characters or not; after all, what else is there in +the world worth much love? My Katy seems to be ploughing her way with +more or less success, and making friends and foes. You, who helped +me fashion her, would be interested in the letters I get from wives, +showing that the want of demonstration in men is a wide-spread evil, +under which women do groan being burdened. _Entre nous_, Mrs. Dr. ---- is +one, and I got a letter to-day from Michigan to the same effect. We are +having delightful weather for the meetings. Yesterday morning Dr. John +Hall preached in our church, and it was crammed full to Overflowing.... +Lew. S. [3] has decided to study theology. We are all glad. He and I +have got quite acquainted of late and talk most learnedly together. Did +I tell you I have translated a German dramatic poem in five acts? Miss +Anna Nevins says I have done it extremely well. I don't know about that, +but my whole soul got into it somehow, and I did not know whether I +was in the body or out of it for two or three weeks. I wish I could do +things decently and in order. There is to be a great party at Apollo +Hall this evening for both Assemblies. I am going and expect to get +tired to death. + +_26th_--It was a brilliant scene at Apollo Hall. Everybody was there, +and the hall was finely adapted to the purpose of accommodating the +2,000 people present. The speeches were very poor. I went to the +prayer-meeting this morning. The church was full, galleries and all, and +the spirit was excellent. Many men shed tears in speaking for reunion, +and, from what Mr. Stearns reports of the meeting of the Committee +last night, union may be considered as good as restored. You will hear +nothing else from me; it is all I hear talked about. _Monday, 3l_.--Hot +as need be. Dr. B., of Brooklyn, dined with us; said he never ate +strawberry short-cake before, and was reading Katy. It is awful to think +how many D.D.s are doing it (eating short-cake, I mean, of course!) Hope +the Assembly will wind up to-night. _June 5_.--We are so glad you have +got to La Tour and find it so pleasant there, and that you have met Dr. +and Mrs. Guthrie, and that they have met you instead of the blowsy-towsy +American women, who make one so ashamed of them. If I wasn't going to +Dorset, I should wish I were going where you are; but then, you see, I +_am_ going to Dorset!... I have been to the Central Park with Mrs. +---, who talked in one steady stream all the way. I was sleepy and +the carriage very noisy; and take it altogether, what a farce life is +sometimes! the intercourse of human beings outsides touching outsides, +the heart and soul lying to all intents and purposes as dead as a +door-nail. Do you ever feel mentally and spiritually alone in the world? +Perhaps everybody does. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, June 4, 1869._ + +I concluded you had gone and died and got buried without letting me +know, when your letter reached me _via_ Dorset. What possessed you +to send it there when you knew, you naughty thing! that I was +having General Assembly, I can't imagine; but I suppose, being a +Congregationalist, you thought General Assembly wasn't nothing, and that +I could entertain squads of D.D.s for a fortnight more or less, just as +well at Dorset as I could here. My dear, read the papers and go in the +way you should go, and behave yourself! As if 250 ministers haven't worn +streaks in the grass round the church, haven't (some of 'em) been here +to dinner and eaten my strawberry short-cake and cottage puddings and +praised my coffee and drank two cups apiece all round, and as if I +hadn't been set up on end for those of 'em to look at who are reading +Katy, and as if going furiously to work, after they'd all gone, +didn't use me up and send me "lopping" down on sofas, sighing like a +what's-its-name. Well, well; the ignorance of you country folks and the +wisdom of us city folks! We hope to get to Dorset by the 17th of this +month; it depends upon how many interruptions I have and how many days +I have to lie by. I can't imagine why I break down so, for I don't know +when I've been so well as during this spring; but Mr. P. and A. say I +work like a tiger, and I s'pose I do without knowing it. I am so glad +you had a pleasant Sunday. No doubt you had more bodily strength with +which to enjoy spiritual things. A weak body hinders prayer and praise +when the heart would sing, if it were not in fetters that cramp and +exhaust it. + +_Monday_--To-day I have been enacting the tiger again, and worked +furiously. A. half scolds and half entreats, but I can't help it; if I +work I work, and so there it is. I have bought a dinner-set, and had a +long visit from my old Mary, who wept over and kissed me, and am going +out to call on Mrs. Woolsey this evening. To-morrow A.'s scholars are to +come and make an address to her and give her a picture. She is not to +know it till they arrive. It is really cold after the very hot weather, +and some are freezing and some have internal pains. I wish you could +have seen me this forenoon at work in the attic--a mass of dust, +feathers, and perplexity. I got hold of one of my John's innumerable +trunks of papers, and found among them the MSS. of several of my books +laid up in lavender, which I pitched into the ash-barrel. I suppose he +thinks I may distinguish myself some time, and that the discerning world +will be after a scratch of my gifted pen! Have you read "Gates Off the +Hinges"? The next thing will be, "There Aint no Gates." + + * * * * * + +III. + +The new Home in Dorset. What it became to her. Letters from there. + + +A notable incident of this year was the entering upon housekeeping at +Dorset under her own roof. As is usual in such cases, the process was +somewhat wearisome and trying, but the result was most happy. All the +bright anticipations, with which the event had been so long looked +forward to, were more than realised. For the next ten summers the Dorset +home was to her a sweet haven of rest from the agitations, cares, and +turmoil of New York life. It seemed at the time a venturesome, almost a +rash thing, to build it; but when she left it for her home above, the +building of the house seemed to have been an inspiration of Providence. +While contributing greatly to her happiness, it probably added several +years to her life. The four months which she passed each season at +Dorset were spent largely in the open air, and in such varied and +pleasant exercise as exerted the most healthful, soothing influence upon +both body and soul. It was just this fruit her husband hoped might, by +the blessing of Heaven, blossom out of the new home, and in later years +he used often to say to her, that if the place should be of a sudden +annihilated, he should still feel that it had paid for itself many times +over. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Dorset, July 19, 1869._ + +How many times during the last month I have been reminded of your saying +you had lived through the agony of getting your house ready to rent. I +can sum up all I have been through by saying that almost everything has +turned out the reverse of what I expected. In the first place, I broke +down just as we were to start to come here, and had to be left behind to +pick up life enough to undertake the journey; then the car we chartered +did not get here for a week, and nobody but A. had anything to wear, and +all my flowers died for want of water. The car, too, was broken into and +my idols of tin pans all taken, with some other things, and when it did +arrive it was unpacked, and our goods brought here, in a regular deluge, +the like of which has not been seen since the days of Noah. For days +everything was in dire confusion; but for all that our own home was +delightful, and we had the most outrageous appetites you ever heard +of. George is in ecstasies with his house, his land, his pig, and his +horse.... I hope you are not sick and tired of all this rigmarole; +it isn't in human nature to move into a house of its own and talk of +anything else. I got a warm-hearted letter a few days ago from the city +of Milwaukee, from an unknown western sister, beginning, "Whom not +having seen I love," and going on to say that Katy describes herself +and her lot exactly, only she had no Martha on hand. I get so many such +testimonies. I am going to spare your eyes and brains by winding up this +epistle and going to bed. I do not think your husband ought to come home +till he has recovered his power of sleeping. I know how to pity him, if +anybody does, and I know how loss of sleep cripples. Good-night, dear +child. + + "God bless me and my wife; + You and your wife, + Us four + And no more." + +_To Mrs. Leonard, Dorset, August 3, 1869._ + +Your last letter endeared you to me more than ever, and I have longed to +answer it, but we have been in such a state of confusion that writing +has been a task. The whole house has been painted inside and out since +we entered it, and I dare say you know what endless uproar the flitting +from room to room to accommodate painters, causes. We have just been +admitted to our parlor, but it is in no order, and the dining-room is +still piled with trunks. But the house is lovely, and we shall feel well +repaid for the severe labor it has cost us, when it is done and we can +settle down in it. I write to ask you to send me by express what numbers +of Stepping Heavenward you have on hand. I would not give you the +trouble to do this if I could get them in any other way, but I can not, +as all back numbers are gone, and the copy I have has been borrowed and +worn, so as to be illegible in many places. Randolph is to publish the +work and says he wants it soon. I am constantly receiving testimonies as +to its usefulness, and hope it will do good to many who have not seen it +in the Advance. + +How I do long to see you! I think of you many times every day, and thank +God that He enables you to glorify Him in bearing your great sorrow. +Sometimes I feel as if I _must_ see Mr. L.'s kind face once more, but I +remind myself that by patiently waiting a little while, I shall see it +and the faces of all the sainted ones who have gone before. Next to +faith in God comes patience; I see that more and more, and few possess +enough of either to enable them to meet the day of bereavement without +dismay. We are constantly getting letters from afflicted souls that can +not see one ray of light, and keep reiterating, "I am not reconciled." +How fearful it must be to kick thus against the pricks, already sharp +enough! I believe fully with you that there is no happiness on earth, as +there is none in heaven, to be compared with that of losing all things +to possess Christ. I look back to two points in my life as standing out +from all the rest of it as seasons of peculiar joy, and they are the +points where I was crushed under the weight of sorrow. How wonderful +this is, how incomprehensible to those who have not learned Christ! +Do write me oftener; you are very dear to me, and your letters always +welcome. I love you for magnifying the Lord in the midst of your +distress; you could not get so into my heart in any other way. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Dorset, August 8, 1869._ + +Half of your chickens are safely here, well and bright, and settled I +hope, for the summer. A., and M., who seems as joyous as a lark, are +like Siamese twins, with the advantage of untying at night and sleeping +in different beds. I have not been well, and did not go to church +to-day; but Prof. Robinson of Rochester, N. Y., preached a very superior +sermon, George says. They have gone to our woods together. We took tea a +few nights ago at the Pratts, being invited to meet him and Mrs. R. They +asked many questions about you and your husband. We find the Pratts +charming neighbors in their way, modest, kind, and good. They take the +Advance, read Katy, and like it. + +_Aug. 21st_--As we have only had sixteen in our family of late, I have +not had much to do. Yesterday we made up a party to the quarry and had +just got seated, twenty-nine in all, to eat a very nice dinner, when it +began to rain in floods. Each grabbed his plate, if he could, and rushed +to a blacksmith's shop not far off; twenty or thirty workmen rushed +there too, and there we were, cooped up in the dirt, to finish our meal +as we best could. It soon stopped pouring and we had a delightful drive +home. Mr. B. F. B., with two of his boys, was with us. He is charmed +with our house and its views. Katy has made her last appearance in the +Advance, but I keep getting letters about her from all quarters, and the +editors say they have had hundreds. [4] H. has caught up with Hal and +they are exactly of a height, and I feel as if I had a dear little pair +of twins. Last Sunday evening the three boys laid their heads in my lap +together, all alike content. + + * * * * * + +IV. + +Return to Town. Domestic Changes. Letters. "My Heart sides with God in +everything." Visiting among the Poor. "Conflict isn't Sin." Publication +of _Stepping Heavenward_. Her Misgivings about it. How it was received. +Reminiscences by Miss Eliza A. Warner. Letters. The Rev. Wheelock Craig. + + +Early in October she returned to town and began to make ready for the +departure of her eldest daughter to Europe, where she was to pass the +next year with the family of Prof. Smith. The younger children had thus +far been taught by their sister, and her leaving home was fraught with +no little trial both to them and to the mother. + +_To Mrs. Smith, New York, October 12._ + +I can fully sympathise with the sad toss you are in about staying abroad +another year, but we feel that there is no doubt you have decided wisely +and well. But the bare mention of your settling down at Vevay has driven +us all wild. What hallucination could you have been laboring under? +Why, your husband would go off the handle in a week! To be sure it is +beautiful for situation as Mount Zion itself, but one can't live on +beauty; one must have life and action, and stimulus; in other words, +human beings. They're all horrid (except you), but we can't do without +'em. What I went through at lonely Genevrier! + + "Oh Solitude, where are the charms + That sages have seen in thy face!" + +We took it for granted that you would settle in some German city, near +old friends; it is true, they mayn't be all you want, but anything is +better than nothing, and you would stagnate and moulder all away at +Vevay. What is there there? Why, a lake and some mountains, and you +can't spend a year staring at them. Well, I dare say light will be let +in upon you. I hope A. will behave herself; you must rule it over her +with a rod of iron (as if you could!), and make her stand round. Her +going plunges us into a new world of care and anxiety and tribulation; +we have thrust our children out into, or on to, the great ocean, and are +about ready to sink with them. If I could sit down and cry, it would do +me lots of good, but I can't. Then how am I to spare my twin-boy, and my +A. and my M.? Who is to keep me well snubbed? Who is to tell me what to +wear? Who is to keep Darby and Joan from settling down into two fearful +old pokes? + +Your husband suggests that "if I have a husband, etc." I have had one +with a vengeance. He has worked like seventeen mad dogs all summer, and +I have hardly laid eyes on him. When I have, it has been to fight with +him; he would come in with a hoe or a rake or a spade in his hand, and +find me with a broom, a shovel, or a pair of tongs in mine, and without +a word we would pitch in and have an encounter. Of all the aggravating +creatures, hasn't he been aggravating! Sometimes I thought he had run +raving distracted, and sometimes I dare say, he thought I had gone +melancholy mad. He persists to this day that the work did him good, and +that he enjoyed his summer. Well, maybe he did; I suppose he knows. + +How glad I am for you that you are to have the children go to you. It +seems to be exactly the right thing. I hope to get a copy of Katy to +send by the girls, but can't think of anything else. As A. is to be +where you are, you will probably be kept well posted in the doings of +our family. I do hope she will not be a great addition to your cares, +but have some misgivings as to the effect so long absence from home may +have upon her. What a world this is for shiftings and siftings! + +_To G. S. P. October, 1869._ + +I always thought George McDonald a little audacious, though I like him +in the main. There is a fallacy in this cavil, you may depend. Some +years ago, when I was a little befogged by plausible talk, Dr. Skinner +came to our house, got into one of his best moods, and preached a +regular sermon on the glory of God, that set me all right again. I am +not skilled in argument, but my heart sides with God in everything, and +my conception of His character is such a beautiful one that I feel that +He can not err. I do not like the expression, "He's aye thinking about +his own glory" (I quote from memory); it belittles the real fact, and +almost puts the Supreme Being on a level with us poor mortals. The more +time we spend upon our knees, in real communion with God, the better +we shall comprehend His wonderful nature, and how impossible it is to +submit that nature to the rules by which we judge human beings. Every +turn in life brings me back to this--_more prayer_.... I shall go with +much pleasure to see Mrs. G. and may God give me some good word to say +to her. I almost envy you your sphere of usefulness, but unless I give +up mine, can not get fully into it. I want you to know that next to +being with my Saviour, I love to be with His sufferers; so that you can +be sure to remember me, when you have any on your heart.... P. S. I have +hunted up Mrs. G. and had such an interesting talk with her that she has +hardly been out of my mind since. It is a very unusual case, and the +fact that her husband is a Jew, and loves her with such real romance, is +an obstacle in her way to Christ. When you can get a little spare time +I wish you would run in and let us talk her case over. I'm ever so glad +that I'm growing old every day, and so becoming better fitted to be the +dear and loving friend to young people I want to be. + +I wish we both loved our Saviour better, and could do more for Him. The +days in which I do nothing specifically for Him seem such meagre, such +lost days. You seemed to think, the last time I saw you, that you were +not so near Him as you were last year. I think we can't always know our +own state. It does not follow that a season of severe conflict is a sign +of estrangement from God. Perhaps we are never dearer to Him than when +we hate ourselves most, and fancy ourselves intolerable in His sight. +_Conflict isn't sin._ + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, October 11, 1869._ + +I hear with great concern that Miss Lyman's health is so much worse, +that she is about to leave Vassar. Is this true? I can not say I should +be very sorry if I should hear she was going to be called up higher. It +seems such a blessed thing to finish up one's work when the Master +says we may, and going to be with Him. I can fully sympathise with the +feeling that made Mrs. Graham say, as she closed her daughter's eyes, "I +wish you joy, my darling!" But I should want to see her before she went; +that would be next best to seeing her after she got back. If you meet +with a dear little book called "The Melody of the 23d Psalm," do read +it; it is by Miss Anna Warner, and shows great knowledge of, and love +for, the Bible. In a few weeks I shall be able to send you a copy of +Stepping Heavenward. + +We have been home rather more than a week and the house is all upside +down, outwardly and inwardly. For A. sails for Europe on the 21st with +M. and Hal Smith, to be gone a year, and this involves sending the other +children to school, and various trying changes of the sort. Tossing my +long sheltered lambs into the world has cost me inexpressible pain; only +a mother can understand how much and why; and they, on their part, go +into it shrinking and quivering in every nerve. To their father, as well +as to me, this has been a time of sore trial, and we are doing our best +to keep each other up amid the discouragements and temptations that +confront us. For each new phase of life brings more or less of both. + +_Stepping Heavenward_ was published toward the end of October, having +appeared already as a serial in the Chicago Advance. The first number of +the serial was printed February 4, 1869. The work was planned and the +larger part of it composed during the winter and spring of 1867-8. +Referring more especially to this part of it, she once said to a friend: +"Every word of that book was a prayer, and seemed to come of itself. +I never knew how it was written, for my heart and hands were full of +something else." By "something else" she had in mind the care of little +Francis. The ensuing summer the manuscript was taken with her to Dorset, +carefully revised and finished before her return to the city. In +revising it she had the advantage of suggestions made by her friends, +Miss Warner and Miss Lyman, both of them Christian ladies of the best +culture and of rare good sense. + +Notwithstanding the favor with which the work had been received as +issued in The Advance, Mrs. Prentiss had great misgiving about its +success--a misgiving that had haunted her while engaged in writing it. +But all doubt on the subject was soon dispelled: + +The response to "Stepping Heavenward" was instant and general. Others of +her books were enjoyed, praised, laughed over, but this one was taken by +tired hands into secret places, pored over by eyes dim with tears, and +its lessons prayed out at many a Jabbok. It was one of those books which +sorrowing, Mary-like women read to each other, and which lured many a +bustling Martha from the fretting of her care-cumbered life to ponder +the new lesson of rest in toil. It was one of those books of which +people kept a lending copy, that they might enjoy the uninterrupted +companionship of their own. The circulation of the book was very large. +Not to speak of the thousands which were sold here, it went through +numerous editions in England. From England it passed into Australia. It +fell into the family of an afflicted Swiss pastor, and the comfort which +it brought to that stricken household led to its translation into French +by one of the pastor's daughters. It passed through I know not how many +editions in French. [5] In Germany it came into the hands of an invalid +lady who begged the privilege of translating it. The first word of a +favorite German hymn, + + "Heavenward doth our journey tend; + We are strangers here on earth," + +furnished the title for the German translation--"Himmelan." It appeared +just after the French war, and went as a comforter into scores of the +homes which war had desolated, and frequent testimony came back to +her of the deep interest excited by the book, and of the affectionate +gratitude called out toward the author. She seemed to have inspired her +translator, whose letters to her breathe the warmest affection and the +most enthusiastic admiration. It would be easy to fill up the time that +remains with grateful testimonies to the work of this book. From among +a multitude I select only one: A manufacturer in a New England town, a +stranger, wrote to her expressing his high appreciation of the book, +and saying that he had four thousand persons in his employ, and a +circulating library of six thousand volumes for their use, in which were +two copies of "Stepping Heavenward." He adds, "I hear in every direction +of the good it is doing, and a wealthy friend has written to me saying +that she means to put a copy into the hand of every bride of her +acquaintance." [6] + +Several chapters might be filled with letters received by Mrs. Prentiss, +expressing the gratitude of the writers for the spiritual help and +comfort _Stepping Heavenward_ had given them. These letters came from +all parts of this country, from Europe, and even from the ends of the +earth; and they were written by persons belonging to every class in +society. Among them was one, written on coarse brown grocery paper, +from a poor crippled boy in the interior of Pennsylvania, which she +especially prized. It led to a friendly correspondence that continued +for several years. The book was read with equal delight by persons not +only of all classes, but of all creeds also; by Calvinists, Arminians, +High Churchmen, Evangelicals, Unitarians, and Roman Catholics. [7] It +was, however, wholly unnoticed by most of the organs of literary opinion +in this country; although abroad it attracted at once the attention of +men and women well known in the world of letters, and was praised by +them in the highest terms. [8] + +Miss Eliza A. Warner, in the following Reminiscences, gives some +interesting incidents in reference to _Stepping Heavenward_. + +That summer in Dorset--the summer of 1868--is one full of bright and +pleasant memories which it is delightful to recall. I had heard much of +Mrs. Prentiss from mutual friends, and been exceedingly interested in +her books, so that when I found we were to be fellow-boarders for the +summer I was greatly pleased; yet I felt a little shy at meeting one of +whose superiority in many lines I had heard so much. + +How well I remember that bright morning in July on which we first met on +our way to the breakfast-table! I can hear now the frank, cheery voice +with which she greeted me, and see her large dark eyes, so full of +animation and kindly interest, which a moment after sparkled with fun as +she recalled an old joke familiar to my friends, and, it seemed, to her +also. I was put at my ease at once, and from that moment onward felt the +wonderful fascination of a manner so peculiarly her own; it was a frank, +whole-souled, sincere manner, with a certain indescribable piquancy +and sprightliness blending with the earnestness which made her very +individual and very charming. + +For the next two months we were a good deal together. I think it was a +very happy summer to her. You were building the house in Dorset for a +summer home, and the planning for this and watching its progress was a +pleasant occupation. And she was such an enthusiastic lover of nature +that the out-of-door life she led was a constant enjoyment. She would +spend hours rambling in the woods, collecting ferns, mosses, trailing +vines, and every lovely bit of blossom and greenery that met her +eye--and nothing pretty escaped it--and there was always an added +freshness and brightness in her face when she came home laden with these +treasures, and eager to exhibit them. "Oh, you don't go crazy over such +things as I do," she would say as she held them up for our admiration. +She filled her room with these woodland beauties, and pressed quantities +of them to carry to her city home. + +In that beautiful valley among the Green Mountains, some of whose near +summits rise to the height of three thousand feet, her enthusiasm for +fine scenery had full scope. She would watch with delight the sunset +glow as it spread and deepened along those mountain peaks, suffusing +them with a glory which we likened to that of the New Jerusalem; and as +we sat and watched this glory slowly fade, tint by tint, into the gray +twilight, her talk would be of heaven and holiness and Christ. + +Whatever she felt, she felt intensely, and she threw her whole heart and +soul into all she said or did; this was one great secret of the power of +her personal presence; she felt so keenly herself, she made others feel. + +Those summer days were long and bright and beautiful, but none too long +for her. She was one of the most industrious persons I have ever known, +and her writing, reading and sewing, and the care of her children, +over the formation of whose characters she watched closely and wisely, +occupied every moment of her time, except when she was out of doors, +trying by exercise in the open air to secure a good night's sleep; not +an easy thing for her to do in those days. + +Early in August we were joined by Miss Hannah Lyman, of Vassar College, +a mutual friend and a most delightful addition to our little party. + +We knew Mrs. Prentiss spent a part of every day in writing, but she +said nothing of the nature of her work. Do you remember coming into the +parlor one morning, where Miss Lyman and I were sitting by ourselves, +and telling us that she was writing a story, but had become so +discouraged she threatened to throw it aside as not worth finishing? +"I like it myself," you added, "it really seems to me one of the best +things she has ever written, and I am trying to get her to read it to +you and see what you think of it." + +Of course, both Miss Lyman and myself were eager to hear it, and +promised to tell her frankly how we liked it. The next morning she came +to our room with a little green box in her hand, saying, with her merry +laugh, "Now you've got to do penance for your sins, you two wicked +women!" and, sitting down by the window, while we took our sewing, she +began to read us in manuscript the work which was destined to touch and +strengthen so many hearts--"which," to use the words of another, "has +become a part of the soul-history of many thousands of Christian +women--young and old--at home and abroad." + +It was a rare treat to listen to it, with comments from her +interspersed; some of them droll and witty, others full of profound +religious feeling. Now and then, as we queried if something was not +improbable or unnatural, she would give us bits of history from her own +experience or that of her friends, going to show that stranger things +had occurred in real life. I need not say we insisted on its being +finished, feeling sure it would do great good; though I must confess +that I do not think either of us, much as we enjoyed it, was fully aware +of its great merits. + +I was much impressed by her singleness of purpose; her one great desire +so evidently being that her writings should help others to know and to +love Christ and His truth, that she thought little or nothing of her own +reputation. + +She went on with her work, occasionally reading to us what she had +added. In those days she always spoke of it as her "Katy book," no +other title having been given to it. But one morning she came to the +breakfast-table with her face all lighted up. "I've got a name for my +book," she exclaimed; "it came to me while I was lying awake last night. +You know Wordsworth's Stepping Westward? I am going to call it Stepping +Heavenward--don't you like it? I do." We all felt it was exactly the +right name, and she added, "I think I will put in Wordsworth's poem as a +preface." + +Of the heart-communings on sacred things that made that summer so +memorable to me I can not speak; and yet, more than anything else, these +gave a distinctive character to our intercourse. Her faith and love were +so ardent and persuading, so much a part of herself, that no one could +be with her without recognising their power over her life. She was +interested in everything about her, without a particle of cant, full +of playful humor and bright fancies; but the love of Christ was the +absorbing interest of her life--almost a passion, it might be called, so +fervent and rapturous was her devotion to Him, so great her longing for +communion with Him and for a more complete conformity to His perfect +will. + +As I have said, all her emotions were intense and her religious +affections had the same warmth and glow. Believing in Christ was to her +not so much a duty as the deepest joy of her life, heightening all other +joys, and she was not satisfied until her friends shared with her in +this experience. She believed it to be attainable by all, founded on a +complete submitting of the human to the Divine will in all things, great +and small. + +Truly of her it might be said, if of any human being, "_she hath loved +much_." + +_To Mrs. Smith, New York, Nov. 16, 1869._ + +Your arrangements at Heidelberg seem to me to be as delightful as +anything can be in a world where nothing is ideal. Be sure to let A. +bear her full share of the expense, and be a mother to her if you can. +The gayest outside life has an undertone of sadness, and I do not doubt +she will have hours of unrest which she will hardly know how to account +for. I am afraid Heidelberg will be rather narrow bounds for your +husband, and hope he may decide to go to Egypt in case his ear gets +quite well. How fortunate that he is near a really good aurist. I am +always nervous about ear-troubles. Fancy your having to shout your love +to him! In a letter written about two weeks ago, Miss Lyman says, "How +am I? Longing for a corner in which to stop trying to live, and lie down +and die," and adds that she is now too feeble to travel. I suppose she +is liable to break down at any moment, but I do hope she won't be left +to go abroad. I judge from what you say of Mr. H. that he is slipping +off. I always look at people who are going to heaven with a sort of +curiosity and envy; it is next best to seeing one who has just come +thence. Get all the good out of him you can; there is none too much +saintliness on earth. I wonder how you spend your time? Do, some time, +write the history of one day; what you said to that funny cook, and what +she said to you; what you thought and what you did; and what you didn't +think and didn't did. + +_Friday, 19th._--Thanksgiving has come and gone beautifully. It was a +perfect day as to weather. Our congregation joined Dr. Murray's, and he +gave us an excellent sermon. The four Stearnses came in to dinner and +seemed to enjoy it. I suppose you all celebrated the day in Yankee +fashion and got up those abominations--mince pies. When I told L. about +----'s fourth marriage, he said it reminded him of a place he had +seen, where a man lay buried in the midst of a lot of women, the sole +inscription on his gravestone being "Our Husband." Mrs. ---- says the +tiffs between my Katy and her husband are exactly like those she had +with hers, and Mrs. ---- said very much the same thing--after hearing +which, I gave up. + +Tell A. I had a call yesterday from Mrs. S----, who came to town to +spend Thanksgiving at her father's, and fell upon my neck and ate me up +three several times. I tell you what it is, it's nice to have people +love you, whether you deserve it or not, and this warm-hearted, +enthusiastic creature really did me good. Dr. Skinner sent us an +extraordinary book to read called "God's Furnace." There is a good deal +of egotism in it and self-consciousness, and a good deal of genuine +Christian experience. I read it through four times, and, when I carried +it back and was discussing it with him, he said he had too. It seems +almost incredible that a wholly sanctified character could publish such +a book, made up as it is of the author's own letters and journal and +most sacred joys and sorrows; but perhaps when I get sanctified I +shall go to printing mine--it really seems to be a way they have. The +Hitchcocks sailed yesterday, and it must have cheered them to set forth +on so very fine a day. Give my love to everybody straight through from +Hal up to your husband and Mr. H. + +_Later_.--Of course, my letters to A. are virtually to you, too, as far +as you can be interested in the little details of which they are made +up. Randolph showed George a letter about Katy, which he says beats +anything we have heard yet, which is saying a good deal. One lady said +Earnest was _exactly_ like her husband, another that he was _painfully_ +so; indeed, many sore hearts are making such confessions. So I begin to +think there is even more sorrowfulness and unrest in the world than I +thought there was. You would get sick unto death of the book if I +should tell a quarter of what we hear about it, good and bad. It quite +refreshed me to hear that a young lady wanted to punch me. + +Craig's Life is very touching. His delight in Christ and in close +fellowship with Him is beautiful; but it is painful to see that dying +man wandering about Europe alone, when he ought to have been breathing +out his life in the arms he loved so well. How did poor Mrs. C. live +through the week of suspense that followed the telegram announcing his +illness? for one must love such a man very deeply, I think. Well, +he doesn't care now where he died or when, and he has gone where he +belonged. I miss you all ever so much, and George keeps up one constant +howl for your husband. It is a mystery to me what any of you find in my +letters, they do seem so flat to me. What fun it would be if you would +_all_ write me a round letter! I would write a rouser for it. Lots of +love. + +The Rev. Wheelock Craig, whose Life is referred to by Mrs. Prentiss in +the preceding letter, was her husband's successor in the pastorate of +the South Trinitarian church, New Bedford. [9] + + * * * * * + +V. + +Recollections by Mrs. Henry B. Smith. + +The following Recollections from the pen of Mrs. Smith may fitly close +the present chapter: + + +NORTHAMPTON, _January 2, 1879_. + +MY DEAR DR. PRENTISS:--I have been trying this beautiful snowy day, +which shuts us in to our own thoughts, to recall some of my impressions +of your dear wife, but I find it very difficult; there was such +variety to her, and so much of her, and the things which were most +characteristic are so hard to be described. + +I read "Stepping Heavenward" in MS. before we went to Europe in 1869. I +remember she used to say that I was "Katy's Aunt," because we talked her +over with so much interest. She sent me a copy to Heidelberg, where I +began at once translating it into German as my regular exercise. I was +delighted to give my copy to Mrs. Prof. K. in Leipsic, as _the_ American +story which I was willing to have her translate into German, as she had +asked for one. There is no need of telling you about the enthusiasm +which the book created. Women everywhere said, "It seems to be myself +that I am reading about"; and the feeling that they, too, with all their +imperfections, might be really stepping heavenward, was one great secret +of its inspiration. One little incident may interest you. My niece, +Mrs. Prof. Emerson, was driving alone toward Amherst, and took into her +carriage a poor colored woman who was walking the same way. The woman +soon said, "I have been thinking a good deal of you, Mrs. E., and of +your little children, and I have been reading a book which I thought +you would like. It was something about walking towards heaven." "Was it +'Stepping Heavenward'?" "Yes, that was it." + +How naturally, modestly, almost indifferently, she received the tributes +which poured in upon her! Yet, though she cared little for praise, she +cared much for love, and for the consciousness that she was a helper and +comforter to others. + +On reading the book again this last summer, I was struck by seeing how +true a transcript of herself, in more than one respect, was given in +Katy. "Why can not I make a jacket for my baby without throwing into +it the ardor of a soldier going into battle?" How ardently she threw +herself into everything she did! In friendship and love and religion +this outpouring of herself was most striking. + +Her earlier books she always read or submitted to me in manuscript, and +she showed so little self-interest in them, and I so much, that they +seemed a sort of common property. I think that I had quite as much +pleasure in their success and far more pride, than herself. The Susy +books I always considered quite as superior in their way as Stepping +Heavenward. They are still peerless among books for little children. +"Henry and Bessie," too, contains some of the most beautiful religious +teaching ever written. "Fred and Maria and Me" she used to talk about +almost as if I had written it, for no other reason than that I liked it +so much. + +My sister says that her daughter Nettie read "Little Susy" through +_twelve times_, getting up to read it before breakfast. She printed +(before she could write) a little letter of thanks to your wife, who +sent her the following pretty note in reply: NEW YORK, _January 10, +1854._ + +MY DEAR "NETTIE":--What a nice little letter you wrote me! It pleased +me very much. I shall keep it in my desk, and when I am an old woman, I +shall buy a pair of spectacles, and sit down in the chimney-corner, and +read it. When you learn to write with your own little fingers, I hope +you will write me another letter. + +Your friend, with love, AUNT SUSAN. + +She did nothing for effect, and made little or no effort merely to +please; she was almost too careless of the impression which she made +upon others, and, on this account, strangers sometimes thought her +cold and unsympathetic. But touch her at the right point and the right +moment, and there was no measure to her interest and warmth. She hated +all pretense and display, and the slightest symptom of them in others +shut her up and kept her grave and silent, and this, not from a severe +or Pharisaic spirit, but because the atmosphere was so foreign to her +that she could not live in it. "I pity people that have any _sham_ about +them when I am by," she said one day. "I am dreadfully afraid of young +ladies," she said at another time. She could not adapt herself to the +artificial and conventional. Yet with young ladies who loved what she +loved she was peculiarly free and playful and _forth-giving_, and such +were among her dearest and most lovingly admiring friends. + +When we met, there were no preliminaries; she plunged at once into the +subject which was interesting her, the book, the person, the case of +sickness or trouble, the plan, the last shopping, the game, the garment, +the new preparation for the table--in a way peculiarly her own. One +could never be with her many minutes without hearing some bright fancy, +some quick stroke of repartee, some ludicrous way of putting a thing. +But whether she told of the grumbler who could find nothing to complain +of in heaven except that "his halo didn't fit," or said in her quick +way, when the plainness of a lady's dress was commended, "Why, I +didn't suppose that anybody could go _to heaven_ now-a-days without an +overskirt," or wrote her sparkling impromptu rhymes for our children's +games, her mirth was all in harmony with her earnest life. Her quick +perceptions, her droll comparisons, her readiness of expression, united +with her rare and tender sympathies, made her the most fascinating of +companions to both young and old. Our little Saturday tear, with our +children, while our husbands were at Chi Alpha, were rare times. My +children enjoyed "Aunt Lizzy" almost as much as I did. She was usually +in her best mood at these times. When you and Henry came in, on your +return from Chi Alpha, you looked in upon, or, rather, you completed a +happier circle than this impoverished earth can ever show us again. + +Her acquisitions were so rapid, and she made so little show of them, +that one might have doubted their thoroughness, who had no occasion to +test them. Her beautiful translation of Griselda was a surprise to many. +I remember her eager enthusiasm while translating it. The writing of +her books was almost an inspiration, so rapid, without copying, almost +without alteration, running on in her clear, pure style, with here and +there a radiant sparkle above the full depths. + +It sometimes seemed as if she were interested only in those whom +she knew she could benefit. If so, it was from her ever-present +consciousness of a consecrated life. She constantly sought for ways of +showing her love to Christ, especially to His sick and suffering and +sorrowing ones. Life with her was peculiarly intense and earnest; she +looked upon it more as a discipline and a hard path, and yet no one had +a quicker or more admiring eye for the flowers by the wayside. I always +thought that her great _forte_ was the study of character. She laid bare +and dissected everybody, even her nearest friends and herself, to find +what was in them; and what she found, reproduced in her books, was what +gave them their peculiar charm of reality. The growth of the religious +life in the heart was the one most interesting subject to her. + +I never could fully understand the deep sadness which was the groundwork +of her nature. It certainly did not prevent the most intense enjoyment +of her rich temporal and spiritual blessings, while it indicated +depths which her friends did not fathom. It was partly constitutional, +doubtless, and partly, I suppose, from her keener sensitiveness, her +larger grasp, her stronger convictions, her more vivid vision, and more +ardent desires. Even the glowing, almost seraphic love of Christ which +was the chief characteristic of her later life was, in her words, "but +longing and seeking." She was an exile yearning for her home, "stepping +heavenward," and knowing better than the rest of us what it meant. + +These things come to me now, and yet how much I have omitted--her +industry so varied and untiring, her generosity (so many gifts of former +days are around me now), her interest in my children, her delight in +flowers and colors and all beautiful things, her ready sympathy--but it +is an almost inexhaustible subject. She comes vividly before me now, +seated on the floor in her room, with her work around her, making +something for such and such a person. What the void in your life must +be those who knew most of her manifold, exalted, inspiring life can but +imagine. + + "Nay, Hope may whisper with the dead + By bending forward where they are; + But Memory, with a backward tread, + Communes with them afar! + + "The joys we lose are but forecast, + And we shall find them all once more; + We look behind us for the past, + But, lo! 'tis all before!" + + +[1] See _Memoir of S. S. Prentiss_, edited by his Brother, and published +by Charles Scribner's Sons. New Edition. 1879. + +[2] The following is part of the notice in the London Daily News: + +"We are, unfortunately, ignorant of _Little Susy's Six Birthdays_, but +if that book be anything like as good as the charming volume before +us by the same author, ycleped _Little Lou's Sayings and Doings_, it +deserves an extraordinary popularity.... _Little Lou._ is one of the +most natural stories in the world, and reads more like a mother's record +of her child's sayings and doings than like a fictitious narrative. +Little Lou, be it remarked, is a true baby throughout, instead of being +a precocious little prig, as so many good children are in print. The +child's love for his mother and his mother's love for him is described +in the prettiest way possible." + +[3] Now Professor of Theology at Bangor. + +[4] The following is an extract from a letter of one of the editors of +The Advance, Mr. J. B. T. Marsh, dated Chicago, August 10,1869:--"You +will notice that the story is completed this week; I wish it could have +continued six months longer. I have several times been on the point +of writing you to express my own personal satisfaction--and more +than satisfaction--in reading it, and to acquaint you with the great +unanimity and _volume_ of praise of it, which has reached us from our +readers. I do not think anything since the National Era and 'Uncle Tom's +Cabin' times has been more heartily received by newspaper readers. I am +sure it will have a great sale if rightly brought before the public. +A publisher from London was in our office the other day, signifying a +desire to make some arrangement to bring it out there. I have heard +almost no unfavorable criticism of the story--nothing which you could +make serviceable in its revision. I have heard Dr. P. criticise +Ernest--of course the character and not your portrayal. For myself I +consider the character a natural and consistent one. Perhaps few men +are found who are quite so blind to a wife's wants and yet so devoted, +but--I don't know what the wives might say. We have had hundreds of +letters of which the expression has been, 'We quarrel to see who shall +have the first reading of the story.' I congratulate you most heartily +upon its great success and the great good it has done and will yet do. +I think if you should ever come West my wife would overturn almost any +stone for the sake of welcoming you to the hospitality of our cottage on +the Lake Michigan shore." + +[5] _Marchant vers le Ciel_ is the title of the French translation. + +[6] _Memorial discourse_ by the Rev. Marvin R. Vincent, D.D. + +[7] The following is an extract from a letter, dated New Orleans, and +written after Mrs. Prentiss' death: + +"We called one day to see a poor dressmaker who was dying of +consumption. She was an educated woman, a devout Roman Catholic, and a +person whom we had long respected and esteemed for her integrity, her +love of independence, and her extraordinary powers of endurance. Her +husband, a prosperous merchant, had died suddenly, and his affairs being +mismanaged, she was obliged, although a constant invalid, to earn a +support for many years by the most unremitting labor. We found her +reading; 'Stepping Heavenward,' which she spoke of in the warmest terms. +We told her about the authoress, of her suffering from ill-health, and +of her recent death. She listened eagerly and asked questions which +showed the deepest interest in the subject. Soon after she left the +city, and a few weeks later we heard of her death." + +[8] One of them--said to have been an eminent German theologian--used +this strong language respecting it: "Schon manche gute, edle, +segensreiche Gabe ist uns aus Nordamerika gekommen, aber wir stehen +nicht au, diese als die beste zu bezeichnen unter allen, die uns von +dort zu Gesichte gekommen." + +[9] See A Memorial of the Character, Work, and Closing Days of Rev. +Wheelock Craig, New Bedford. + +Mr. Craig was born in Augusta, Maine, July 11, 1824. He entered Bowdoin +College in 1839, and was graduated with honor in the class of 1843. He +then entered the Theological Seminary at Bangor, where he graduated in +1847. After preaching a couple of years at New Castle, Me., he accepted +a call to New Bedford, and was installed there December 4, 1850. In 1859 +he received a call to the chair of Modern Languages in Bowdoin College, +which he declined. After an earnest and faithful ministry of more than +seventeen years, he went abroad for his health in May, 1868. He visited +Ireland, England, Scotland, and then passing over to the Continent, +travelled through Belgium, Holland, Switzerland, and so southward as far +as Naples, where he arrived the last of September. Here he was taken +seriously ill, and advised to hasten back to Switzerland. In great +weakness he passed through Rome, Florence, Turin, Geneva, and reached +Neuchatel on the 4th of November in a state of utter exhaustion. There, +encompassed by newly-made friends and tenderly cared for, he gently +breathed his last on the 28th of November. Two names, in particular, +deserve to be gratefully mentioned in connection with Mr. Craig's last +hours, viz.: that of his countryman, Mr. W. C. Cabot, and that of the +Rev. Dr. Godet, of Neuchatel. Of the former he said the day before his +death: "He saw me coming from Geneva a perfect stranger--lying sick, +helpless, wretched, and miserable in the ears--and spoke to me, inquired +who I was, and took care of me. Anybody else would have gone by on the +other side. He brought me to this hotel, and remained with me, and did +everything for me; and, fearing that I might be ill some time, and +uneasy about money matters, he sent me a letter of credit for two +hundred pounds. Such noble and generous conduct to an entire stranger +was never heard of." To Dr. Godet he had a letter from Prof. Henry B. +Smith, of New York. But he needed no other introduction to that warm- +hearted and eminent servant of God than his sad condition and his love +to Christ. "From the first quarter of an hour," wrote Dr. Godet to Mrs. +Craig, "we were like two brothers who had known each other from infancy. +He knew not a great deal of French, and I not more of English; but the +Lord was between him and me." "Prof. Godet and family are like the very +angels of God," wrote Mr. Craig to his wife. His last days were filled +with inexpressible joy in his God and Saviour. Shortly before his +departure he said to Dr. Godet and the other friends who were by his +bedside, "_There shall be no night there, but the Lamb which is in the +midst of the throne shall be their light._" + +Mr. Craig had a highly poetical nature, refined spiritual sensibilities, +and a soul glowing with love to his Master. He was also a vigorous and +original thinker. Some passages in his letters and journal are as racy +and striking as anything in John Newton or Cecil. Mrs. Prentiss greatly +enjoyed reading them to her friends. Some of them she copied and had +published in the Association Monthly. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +ON THE MOUNT. + +1870. + +I. + +A happy Year. Madame Guyon. What sweetens the Cup of earthly Trials and +the Cup of earthly Joy. Death of Mrs. Julia B. Cady. Her Usefulness. +Sickness and Death of other Friends. "My Cup runneth over." Letters. +"More Love to Thee, O Christ." + + +In every earnest life there usually comes a time when it reaches its +highest point, whether of power or of enjoyment; a time when it is in + + --the bright, consumate flower. + +The year 1870 formed such a period in the life of Mrs. Prentiss. None +that went before, or that followed after, equalled it, as a whole, in +rich, varied and happy experiences. It was full of the genial, loving +spirit which inspired the Little Susy books and Stepping Heavenward; +full, too, of the playful humor which runs through Fred and Maria and +Me; and full, also, of the intense, overflowing delight in her God and +Saviour that breathes in the Golden Hours. From its opening to its close +she was--to borrow an expression from her Richmond journal--"one great +long sunbeam." Everywhere, in her home, with her friends, by sick and +dying beds, in the house of mourning, in the crowded street or among her +flowers at Dorset, she seemed to be attired with constant brightness. Of +course, there were not wanting hours of sadness and heart-sinking; +nor was her consciousness of sin or her longing to be freed from it, +perhaps, ever keener and more profound; but still the main current of +her existence flowed on, untroubled, to the music of its own loving, +grateful and adoring thoughts. Often she would say that God was too good +to her; that she was _satisfied_ and had nothing more to ask of life; +her cup of domestic bliss ran over; and as to her religious joy, it was +at times too much for her frail body, and she begged that it might be +transferred to other souls. Her letters give a vivid picture of her +state of mind during this memorable year; and yet only a picture. The +sweet reality was beyond the power of words. + +In the early part of this year the correspondence of Madame Guyon and +Fenelon fell into her hands, and was eagerly read by her. The perusal +of this correspondence led, somewhat later, to a careful study of the +Select Works, Autobiography, and Spiritual Letters of Madame Guyon, thus +forming an important incident in her religious history. Heretofore she +had known Madame Guyon chiefly through the Life by Prof. Upham and the +little treatise entitled A Short and very Easy Method of Prayer; and +both seem rather to have repelled her. In 1867 she wrote to a friend: + +There is a book I would be glad to have you read, and which I think you +would wish to own; 'Thoughts on Personal Religion,' by Goulburn. I never +read a modern religious book that had in it so much, that really edified +me. I take for granted you have Thomas a Kempis; on that and on Fenelon +I have feasted for years every day; I like strengthening food and +whatever deals a blow at this monster Self. Madame Guyon I do not +understand. + +But now she began to feel, as so many earnest seekers after holiness had +felt before her, the strong attraction of this remarkable woman. While +never becoming to her what Fenelon was, Madame Guyon for several years +exerted a decided influence upon her views of the Christian life; nor +is there reason to think that this influence was not, on the whole, +salutary. Notwithstanding her grave errors and the extravagances which +marred her career, Madame Guyon was no doubt one of the holiest, as she +was certainly one of the most gifted, women of her own or any other age. +[1] + +_To Mrs. J Elliot Condict, New York, Jan. 2, 1870._ + +It has been a real disappointment not to see you. How quickly we learn +to lean on earthly things! I am afraid I prize Christian fellowship too +much, and that I am behaving in a miserly way about all divine gifts, +shutting myself up here in this room, which often seems like the gate of +heaven, and luxuriating in it, instead of going about preaching the glad +tidings to other souls. Yet work for Christ, when He gives it, is sweet, +too, and if answering your note is the little tiny bit He offers me at +this moment, how glad I am. Though I am not, just now, in the furnace as +you are, there is no knowing how soon I shall be, and I remember well +enough how the furnace feels, to have deep sympathy with you in your +trials. Sympathy, but not regret; I can't make myself be very sorry for +Christ's disciples when He takes them in hand--He does it so tenderly, +so wisely, so lovingly; and it can hardly be true, can it? that He is +just as near and dear to me when my cup is as full of earthly blessings +as it can hold, as He is to you whose cup He is emptying? + +I have always thought they knew and loved Him best who knew Him in His +character of Chastiser; but perhaps one never loses the memory of His +revelations of Himself in that form, and perhaps that tender memory +saddens and hallows the day of prosperity. At any rate, you and I seem +to be in full sympathy with each other; your empty cup isn't empty, and +my full one would be bitter if love to Christ did not sweeten it. It +matters very little on what paths we are walking, since we find Him in +every one. How ashamed we shall be when we get to heaven, of our talk +about our trials here! Why don't we sing songs instead? We know how, for +He has put the songs into our mouths. I think I know something about the +land of Beulah, but I don't quite _live_ in it yet; and yet what is this +joy if it isn't beatitude, if it is not a foretaste of that which is to +come? It isn't joy in what He has done for me, a sinner, but adoring joy +for what He is, though I do not _begin to know_ what He is. It will take +an eternity to learn that lesson. + +Do you really mean to say that Miss K. is going to pray for _me_? How +delightful! I am _greedy_ for prayer; nobody is rich enough to give me +anything I so long for; indeed when my husband begged me to tell him +what I wanted at Christmas, I couldn't think of a thing; but oh, what +unutterable longing I have for more of Christ. Why should we not speak +freely to each other of Him? Don't apologise for it again. The wonder is +that we have the heart to speak of anything else. Sometimes I am almost +frightened at the expressions of love I pour out upon Him, and wonder if +I am really in earnest; if I really mean all I say. Is it even so +with you? It is not foolish, is it? Perhaps He likes to hear our poor +stammerings, when we can not get our emotions and our thoughts into +words. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, Jan. 7, 1870._ + +I find letters more and more unsatisfactory. How little I know of your +real life, how little you know of mine! So much is going on all the time +that I should run and tell you about if you lived here, but which it +would take too long to write. I have very precious Christian friends +within six months, who take, or rather to whom I give, more time than I +could or would spare for any ordinary friendship; one of them has spent +four hours in my room with me at a time, and we had wonderful communings +together. Then two dear friends have died. One of the two, of whom you +have heard me speak, was the most useful woman in our church; my husband +and I both wept over her death. The other directed in dying that a copy +of Stepping Heavenward should be given to each of her Sunday scholars; +a lifelong fear of death was taken away, and she declared it pleasanter +and easier to die than to live; her last words, five minutes before +she drew her last gentle breath, came with the upward, dying look, +"Wonderful love!" + +You can't think how sweet it is to be a pastor's wife; to feel the +_right_ to sympathise with those who mourn, to fly to them at once, and +join them in their prayers and tears. It would be pleasant to spend +one's whole time among sufferers, and to keep testifying to them what +Christ can and will become to them, if they will only let Him.... No, I +never "Dialed" or was transcendental. I don't think knowledge will come +to us by intuition in heaven, though knowledge enough to get started +there, will. But I don't much care how it will be. I know we shall learn +Christ there. I have read lately Prof. Phelps on the Solitude of Christ; +it is a suggestive little book which I like much. Have you ever read the +Life of Mrs. Hawkes? It is interesting because she records so many +of Cecil's wonderful remarks--such, e.g., as these: "a humble, kind +silence often utters much." "To-morrow you and I shall walk together in +a garden, when I hope to talk with you about everything but sadness." I +am going to ask a favor of you, though I hate to put you to the trouble. +In writing a telegram in great haste and sorrow, I accidentally used and +cut into the lines you copied for me--Sabbath hymn in sickness. It was a +real loss, and if you ever feel a little stronger than usual, will you +make me another copy? I so often want to comfort sick persons with it. + +I have half promised to write a serial for a magazine, the organ of the +Young Men's Christian Association, though I know nothing of young men +and hate to write serials. I wish I could hide in some hole. I get +bright letters from A., who is having a very nice time. I write her +every day; wretched letters, which she thinks delightful, fortunately. +We have a quiet time this winter, but such nice things can't last, and I +am afraid of this world anyhow. I know you pray for me, as I do for you +and Miss L. every day. I have a thousand things to say that I shall have +to put off till I see you. Good-bye, dearie. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Sunday, March 6, 1870._ + +I have had some really sweet days, shut up with my dear little boy. He +is better, and I am comparatively at leisure again, and so happy in +meditating on the character of my Saviour, and in the sense of His +nearness, that I _ache_, and have had to beg Him to give me no more, +but to carry this joy to you and to Miss K. and to two friends, who, +languishing on dying beds, need it so much. [2] If I could shed tears I +should not have to tell you this, and indeed it is nothing new; but one +must have vent in some way. And this reminds me to explain to you why +to three dear Christian friends I now and then send verses; they are my +tears of joy or sorrow, and when I feel most deeply it is a relief to +versify, and a pleasure to open my heart to those who feel as I do. I +have been in print ever since I was sixteen years old, and admiration +is an old story; I care very little for it; but I do crave and value +sympathy with those who love Christ. And it is such a new thing to open +my heart thus! I have written any number of verses that no human being +has ever seen, because they came from the very bottom of my heart. + +I wish I could put into words all the blessed thoughts I had last week +about God's dear will: it was a week of such sweet content with the work +He gave me to do; naturally I hate nursing, and losing the air makes me +feel unwell; but what can't God do with us? I love, dearly, to have a +_Master_. I fancy that those who have strong wills, are the ones to +enjoy God's sovereignty most. I wonder if you realise what a very happy +creature I am? and how much _too good_ God is to me? I don't see how He +can heap such mercies on a poor sinner; but that only shows how little I +know Him. But then, I am learning to know Him, and shall go on doing it +forever and ever; and so will you. I am not sure that it is best for us, +once safe and secure on the Rock of Ages, to ask ourselves too closely +what this and that experience may signify. Is it not better to be +thinking of the Rock, not of the feet that stand upon it? It seems to me +that we ought to be unconscious of ourselves, and that the nearer we get +to Christ, the more we shall be taken up with Him. We shall be like a +sick man who, after he gets well, forgets all the old symptoms he used +to think so much of, and stops feeling his pulse, and just enjoys his +health, only pointing out his _physician_ to all who are diseased. You +will see that this is in answer to a portion of your letter, in which +you say Miss K. interprets to you certain experiences. If I am wrong I +am willing to be set right; perhaps I have not said clearly what I meant +to say. I certainly mean no _criticism_ on you or her, but am only +thinking aloud and querying. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, March 27, 1870._ + +You ask if I revel in the Pilgrim's Progress. Yes, I do. I think it an +amazing book. It seems to me almost as much an inspiration as the Bible +itself. [3] I am glad you liked that hymn. I write in verse whenever I +am deeply stirred, because, though as full of tears as other people, I +can not shed them. But I never showed any of these verses to any one, +not even my husband, till this winter. But if I were more with you no +doubt I should venture to let you run over some of them, at least those +my dear husband has seen and likes. I have felt about hymns just as you +say you do, as if I loved them more than the Bible. But I have got over +that; I prayed myself out of it, not loving hymns the less, but the +Bible more. I wonder if you sing; I can't remember; if you do, I will +send you, sometime, a hymn to sing for my sake, called "More love to +Thee, O Christ." Only to think, our silver wedding comes next month, and +A. and the Smiths away! + +I have been interrupted by callers, and must have been in the parlor +several hours. You can't think what a sweet, peaceful winter this has +been, nor how good the children are. My cup has just run over, and at +times I am too happy to be comfortable, if you know what that means; +not having a strong body, I suppose you do. Mrs. B. has been in a very +critical state of late, but she is rallying, and I may, perhaps, have +the privilege of seeing her again. I have had some precious times with +her in her sick-room; last Friday, a week ago, she prayed with me in the +sweetest temper of mind, and came with me when I took leave, to the head +of the stairs, full of love and smiles. + +_To a Young Friend, April 5, 1870._ + +I wish that hymn for the sick-room were mine, but it is not. I will +enclose one that is, which my dear husband has kindly had printed; +perhaps you will like to sing it to the tune of "Nearer, my God, to +Thee." There is not much in it, but you can put everything into it as +you make it your prayer. I can't help feeling that every soul I meet, of +whom I can ask, What think you of Christ? and get the glad answer, "He +is the chiefest among ten thousand, _the One_ altogether lovely"--is a +blessing as well as a comfort to mine; and whenever you can and do say +it, you will become more dear to me. Your God and Saviour won you as an +easy victory, but He had to fight for me. It seems to me now that He +ought to have all there is of me--which, to be sure, isn't much--and I +hope He is taking it. His ways with me have been perfectly beautiful and +infinite in long-suffering and patience. + +_April 11th._--Your note has reawakened a question I have often had +occasion to ask myself before. Why do my friends speak of my letters as +giving more pleasure or profit than anything that goes to them from me +in print? Is human nature so selfish? Must everybody have everything +to himself? It might seem so at first blush, but I think there are two +sides to this question. May it not be possible that God sends a message +directly from _one_ heart to _another_ as He does not to the _many?_ +Does He not speak through the living voice and the pen that is that +voice, as He does not do in the less unconstrained form of print? At any +rate, I love to believe that He directs each word and look and tone; +_inspires_ rather, I should say. + +I should like you to offer a special prayer for us on Saturday. That day +completes twenty-five years of married life to us, and, though it has +its shades as well as its lights, I do not think I can do better for you +than ask that you may have such years, + + "For who the backward scene hath scanned + But blessed the Father's guiding hand?" + +I can more truly thank Him for His chastisements than for His worldly +indulgences; the latter urge from, the former drive to Him. I am saying +a great thing in a feeble way, and you may multiply it by ten thousand, +and it will still be weak. + +The hymn, "More Love to Thee, O Christ," belongs, probably, as far back +as the year 1856. Like most of her hymns, it is simply a prayer put into +the form of verse. She wrote it so hastily that the last stanza was left +incomplete, one line having been added in pencil when it was printed. +She did not show it, not even to her husband, until many years after it +was written; and she wondered not a little that, when published, it met +with so much favor. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Her Silver Wedding. "_I have Lived, I have Loved_." No Joy can put her +out of Sympathy with the Trials of Friends. A Glance backward. Last +Interview with a dying Friend. More Love and more Likeness to Christ. +Funeral of a little Baby. Letters to Christian Friends. + + +If 1870 was the crowning year in Mrs. Prentiss' life, the 16th of April +was that year's most precious jewel. As the time drew nigh, a glow of +tender, grateful recollection suffused her countenance. + +Her eyes are homes of silent prayer. + +She talked of the past, like one lost in wonder, while the light and +beauty of the vanished years appeared still to rest upon her spirit. +The day itself, which had been kept from the knowledge of most of her +friends, was full of sweet content, rehearsing, as it were, all the days +of her married life; and, at its close, the measure of her earthly joy +seemed to be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. + +_To Mrs. Leonard, New York, April 16, 1845-1870._ + +Do you know that it is just twenty-five years since we first met? How +gladly would I spend the day of our silver wedding with you! You will +see that I am near in spirit, at all events. My thoughts have been busy +the past week with reviewing the years through which I have travelled, +hand in hand, with my dear husband; years full of sin, full of +suffering, full of joy; brimful of the loving-kindness and tender mercy +that smote often and smote surely. Your last letter only confirms what I +already knew, but am never tired of hearing repeated, the faithfulness +of God to those whom He afflicts. When we once find out what He is to +an aching, empty heart, we want to make everybody see just what we see, +and, until we try in vain, think we can. I had very peculiar feelings in +relation to you when your dear husband was, for a time, parted from you. +I knew God would never afflict you so, if He had not something beautiful +and blissful to give in place of what He took. And what can we ask for +that compares for one instant with "the almost constant felt presence of +our Saviour's sympathy and support"? Our human nature would like to have +the earthly and the divine friendship at once; but, if we must choose +between the twain, surely you and I would choose Christ without one +moment's hesitation. I hope you mention my name every day to Him as I do +yours, as I _love_ to do. + +I enclose, and want you, when by yourself, to sing for my sake a little +hymn that I am sure is the language of your heart. My dear husband had +a few copies struck off to give friends. Write soon and often. Oh, +that you lived here or at Dorset. Good-bye, with warmest love, now +_twenty-five_ years old! + +_To Mrs. Condict, New York, April 20, 1870._ + +Last Saturday was the twenty-fifth anniversary of our marriage, and a +very happy day to us both. My dear husband wrote me a letter that made +me tremble, lest he should get such hold of me as no human being must +have. I have a very curious feeling about life; a _satisfied_ one, and +as if it could not possibly give me much more than I now have. _"I have +lived, I have loved."_ [4] People often say they have so much to live +for; I can't feel so, though I am not only willing, but glad to live +while my husband and children need me; and yet--and yet--to have this +problem solved, and to be forever with the Lord! I want to see you. I +can no longer see my dear Mrs. B.; she is too ill, and that makes me +miss you the more. I hope that little MS. of mine did not task your +sympathies; I don't want you to pity me, but to magnify Him who took +such pains with me, and is carrying on just such work in thousands of +hearts and lives. What goodness! What condescension! The least we can +do who have suffered much is to love much.... I have been studying the +Bible on the subject of giving personal testimony, and think it makes +this a plain duty. There is nothing like the influence of one living +soul on another. Then why should we not naturally speak to everybody who +will listen, of what fills our thoughts; our Saviour, His beauty, His +goodness, His faithfulness, His wisdom! I don't believe a full heart +_can help_ running over. + +_To a young Friend, April 21, 1870._ + +I was right sorry to lose your Saturday's call. It was a happy day to +me, but I can conceive of no enjoyment of any sort that would put me out +of sympathy with the trials of friends: + + "Old and young are bringing troubles, + Great and small, for me to hear; + _I have often blessed by sorrows + That drew other's grief so near."_ + +I thought I was saying a very ordinary thing when I spoke of thanking +God for His long years of discipline, but very likely life did not look +to me at your age as it does now. I was rather startled the other day, +to find it written in German, in my own hand, "I can not say the will is +there," referring to a hymn which says, "Der Will ist da, die Kraft ist +klein, Doch wird dir nicht zuwider seyn." I suppose there was some great +struggle going on when this foolish heart said that, just as if God did +not _invariably_ do for us the very best that can be done. [5] You speak +of having your love to Jesus intensified by interviews with me. It can +hardly be otherwise, when those meet together who love Him, and it is a +rule that works both ways; acts and reacts. I should be thankful if no +human being could ever meet me, even in a chance way, and not go away +clasping Him the closer, and if I could meet no one who did not so stir +and move me. It is my constant prayer. I have such insatiable longings +to know and love Him better that I go about hungering and thirsting for +the fellowship of those who feel so too; when I meet them I call them +my "benedictions." Next best to being with Christ Himself, I love to +be with those who have His spirit and are yearning for more of His +likeness. You speak of putting "deep and dark chasms between" yourself +and Christ. He lets us do this that we may learn our nothingness, our +weakness, and turn, disgusted, from ourselves to Him. May I venture +to assure you that the "chasms" occur less and less frequently as one +presses on, till finally they turn into "mountains of light." Get and +keep a will for God, and everything that will is ready for will come. +This is about a tenth part of what I might say. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, April 25, 1870._ + +I wish I could describe to you my last interview with Mrs. B. She had +altered so in two weeks in which I had not seen her, that I should not +have known her. She spoke with difficulty, but by getting close to her +mouth I could hear all she said. She went back to the first time she met +me, told me her heart then knitted itself to mine, and how she had +loved me ever since, etc., etc. I then asked her if she had any parting +counsel to give me: "No, not a word.".... Some one came in and wet her +lips, gave her a sprig of citronatis, and passed out. I crushed it and +let her smell the bruised leaves, saying, "You are just like these +crushed leaves." She smiled, and replied, "Well, I haven't had one pain +too many, not one. But the agony has been dreadful. I won't talk about +that; I just want to see your sunny face." I asked if she was rejoicing +in the hope of meeting lost friends and the saints in heaven. She said, +with an expressive look, "Oh, no, I haven't got so far as _that_. I +have only got as far as Christ." "For all that," I said, "you'll see my +father and mother there." "Why, so I shall," with another bright smile. +But her lips were growing white with pain, and I came away. + +Did I tell you it was our silver wedding-day on the 16th? We had a very +happy day, and if I could see you I should like to tell you all about +it. But it is too long a story to tell in writing. I don't see but I've +had everything this life can give, and have a curious feeling as if I +had got to a stopping-place. I heard yesterday that two of M.'s teachers +had said they looked at her with perfect awe on account of her goodness. +I really never knew her to do anything wrong. + +_To a young Friend New York, May 1, 1870._ + +I could write forever on the subject of Christian charity, but I must +say that in the case you refer to, I think you accuse yourself unduly. +We are not to part company with our common sense because we want to +clasp hands with the Love that thinketh no evil, and we can not help +seeing that there are few, if any, on earth without beams in their eyes +and foibles and sins in their lives. The fact that your friend repented +and confessed his sin, entitled him to your forgiving love, but not +to the ignoring of the fact that he was guilty.... Temptations come +sometimes in swarms, like bees, and running away does no good, and +fighting only exasperates them. The only help must come from Him who +understands and can control the whole swarm. + +You ask for my prayers, and I ask for yours. I long ago formed the habit +of praying at night individually, if possible, for all who had come to +me through the day, or whom I had visited; but you contrive to get a +much larger share than that. I love to think of your future holiness and +usefulness as even in the very least linked to my prayers. Oh, I ought +to know how to pray a great deal better than I do, for forty years ago, +save one, I this day publicly dedicated myself to Christ. I write to you +because I like to do so, recognising no difference between writing and +talking. When no better work comes to me, I am glad to give the little +pleasure I can, in notes and letters. He who knows how poor we are, how +little we have to give, does not disdain even a note like this, since it +is written in love to Him and to one of His own dear ones. + +_May 23d._--Your last letter was like a fragrant breath of country air, +redolent of flowers, and all that makes rural scenes so sweet. But +better still, it was fragrant with love to Him who is the bond between +us, in whose name and for whose sake we are friends. I wish I loved Him +better and were more like Him; perhaps that is about as far as we get in +this world, for no matter how far we advance, we are never satisfied; +there is always something ahead; I doubt if any one ever said, even in a +whisper and to himself, "Now I love my Saviour as much as a human soul +can." + +You speak of my having given you "counsels." Have I had the presumption +to do that? Two-thirds of the time I feel as if I wanted somebody to +counsel me; the only thing I really know that you do not, is what it is +to be beaten with persistent, ceaseless stripes, year after year, year +after year, with scarcely breathing time between. I don't know whether +this is most an argument against me, or for God; on the whole it is most +for Him, who was so good and kind as never to spare me for my writhing +and groaning. Truly as I value this discipline, I want you to give +yourself to Him so unreservedly that you will not need such sharp +treatment. I am not going to keep writing and getting you in debt. All I +ask is if you ever feel a little under the weather and want a specially +loving or cheering word, to give me the chance to speak or write it. + +A chapter might be written about Mrs. Prentiss' love for little +children, the enthusiasm with which she studied all their artless ways, +her delight in their beauty, and the reverence with which she regarded +the mystery of their infant being. Her faith in their real, complete +humanity, their susceptibility to spiritual influences, and, when called +from earth, their blessed immortality in and through Christ, was very +vivid; and it was untroubled by any of those distressing doubts, or +misgivings, that are engendered by the materialistic spirit and science +of the age. Contempt for them shocked her as an offence against the Holy +Child Jesus, their King and Saviour. Her very look and manner as she +took a young infant, especially a sick or dying infant, in her arms and +gave it a loving kiss, seemed to say: + + Sweet baby, little as thou art, + Thou art a human whole; + Thou hast a little human heart, + Thou hast a deathless soul. [6] + +The following letter to a Christian mother, dated May 13th, will show +her feeling on this subject: + +This morning we attended the funeral of a little baby, eight months old. +My husband, in his remarks, said that though born and ever continuing to +be a sufferer, it was never saddened by this fellowship with Christ; and +that he believed it was a partaker of His holiness, and glad through His +indwelling, even though unconscious of it. During the last days of +its life, after each paroxysm of coughing, it would look first at its +mother, then at its father, for sympathy, and then look upward with a +face radiant beyond description. I can't tell you how it touched me to +think that I had in that baby a little Christian _sister_--not merely +redeemed, but sanctified from its birth--and I know it will touch and +strengthen you to hear of it. I felt a reverence for that tiny, lifeless +form, that I can not put into words. And, indeed, why should it be +harder for God to enter into the soul of an infant than into our +"unlikeliest" ones? ... I see more and more that if we have within us +the mind of Christ, we must bear the burden of other griefs than our +own; He did not merely _pity_ suffering humanity; He _bore_ our griefs, +and in all our afflictions He was afflicted. + +_To Mrs. Condict, June 6, 1870._ + +If you can get hold of the April number of the Bibliotheca Sacra, read +an article in it called "Psychology in the Life, Work and Teachings of +Jesus." I think it very striking and very true. Praying for Dr. ---- +this morning, I had such a peaceful feeling that he was safe. Do you +feel so about him? I had a very different experience about another man +who has been to see me since I began this letter, and who said I was +the first _happy_ person he ever met. May God lay that to his heart!... +Rummaging among dusty things in the attic this forenoon with great +repugnance, I found such a beautiful letter from my husband, written for +my solace in Switzerland when he was in Paris (he wrote me every day, +sometimes twice a day, during the two months of our enforced separation) +that even the drudgery of getting my hands soiled and my back broken was +sweetened. That's the way God keeps on spoiling us; one good thing after +another till we are ashamed. Well, let us step onward, hand in hand. I +wonder which of us will outrun the other and step in first? I am so glad +I'm willing to live. + +In the course of this spring _The Percys_ was published. The story first +came out as a serial in the New York Observer. It was translated into +French under the title _La Famille Percy_. In 1876 a German version +appeared under the title _Die Familie Percy_. It was also republished in +London. [7] + + * * * * * + +III. + +Lines on going to Dorset. A Cloud over her. Faber's Life. Loving Friends +for one's own sake and loving them for Christ's sake. The Bible and the +Christian Life. Dorset Society and Occupations. Counsels to a young +Friend in Trouble. "Don't stop praying for your Life!" Cure for the +Heart-sickness caused by a Sight of human Imperfections. Fenelon's +Teaching about Humiliation and being patient with Ourselves. + + +The following lines, found among her papers after her death, show in +what spirit she went to Dorset: + + Once more I change my home, once more begin + Life in this rural stillness and repose; + But I have brought with me my heart of sin, + And sin nor quiet nor cessation knows. + + Ah, when I make the final, blessed change, + I shall leave that behind, shall throw aside + Earth's soiled and soiling garments, and shall range + Through purer regions like a youthful bride. + + Thrice welcome be that day! Do thou, meanwhile, + My soul, sit ready, unencumbered wait; + The Master bides thy coming, and His smile + Shall bid thee welcome at the golden gate. + DORSET, June 15, 1870. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Dorset, June 18, 1870._ + +I would love to have you here with me in this dear little den of mine +and see the mountains from my window. My husband has gone back to town, +and my only society is that of the children, so you would be most +welcome if you should come in either smiling or sighing. I have had a +cloud over me of late. Do you know about Mr. Prentiss' appointment by +General Assembly to a professorship at Chicago? His going would involve +not only our tearing ourselves out of the heart of our beloved church, +but of my losing you and Miss K., and of our all losing this dear little +home. Of course, he does not want to go, and I am shocked at the thought +of his leaving the ministry; but, on the other hand, there is a right +and a wrong to the question, and we ought to want to do whatever God +chooses. The thought of giving up this home makes me know better how to +sympathise with you if you have to part with yours. I do think it is +good for us to be emptied from vessel to vessel, and there is something +awful in the thought of having our own way with leanness in the soul. I +am greatly pained in reading Faber's Life and Letters, at the shocking +way in which he speaks of Mary, calling her his mamma, and praying to +her and to Joseph, and nobody knows who not. It seems almost incredible +that this is the man who wrote those beautiful strengthening hymns. It +sets one to praying "Hold Thou me up and I shall be safe." ... I should +have forgotten the lines of mine you quote if you had not copied them. +God give to you and to me a thousandfold more of the spirit they +breathe, and make us wholly, wholly His own! My repugnance to go to +Chicago makes me feel that perhaps that is just the wrench I need. Well, +good-bye; at the longest we have not long to stay in this sphere of +discipline and correction. + +_To Mr. G. S. P., Dorset, July 13, 1870._ + +I had just come home from a delicious little tramp through our own woods +when your letter came, and now, if you knew what was good for you, you +would drop in and take tea and spend the evening with us. I should like +you to see our house and our mountains, and our cup that runs over till +we are ashamed. Had I not known you wouldn't come I should have given +you a chance, especially as my husband was gone and I was rather lonely; +though to be sure he always writes me every day. On the way up here I +was glad of time to think out certain things I had been waiting for +leisure to attend to. One had some connection with you, as well as one +or two other friends. I had long felt that there was a real, though +subtle, difference between human--and, shall I say divine?--affection, +but did not see just what it was. Turning it over in my mind that +day, it suddenly came to me as this. Human friendship may be entirely +selfish, giving only to receive in return, or may be partially so--yet +still selfish. But the love that grows out of the love of Christ, and +that delights in His image wherever it is seen, claims no response; +loves because it is its very nature to do so, because it can not help +it, and this without regard to what its object gives. I dare not pretend +that I have fully reached this state, but I have entered this land, and +know that it is one to be desired as a home, an abiding place. I have +thought painfully of the narrow quarters and the hot nights endured by +so many in New York, during this unusually warm weather--especially of +Mrs. G. with three restless children in bed with her and her poor lonely +heart. I can not but believe that Christ has real purposes of mercy to +her soul. I feel interested in Mr. H.'s summer work in a hard field. In +place of aversion to young men, I am beginning to realise how true work +for Christ one may do by praying persistently for them, especially those +consecrated to the ministry of His gospel. I do hope Christ will have +the whole of you, and that you will have the whole of Him. When you +write, let me know how you like my beloved Fenelon. Still, you may +not like him. Some Christians never get to feeding on these mystical +writers, and get on without them. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Dorset, July 18, 1870._ + +I was greatly struck with these words yesterday: "As for God His way is +perfect"; think of reading the Bible through four times in one year, and +nobody knows how many times since, and never resting on these words. +Somehow they charmed me. And these words have been ringing in my ears, + + "Earth looks so little and so low," + +while conscious that when I can get ferns and flowers, it does not look +so "little" or so "low," as it does when I can't. My cook, who is a +Romanist, has been prevented from going to her own church seven miles +off, by the weather, ever since we came here, and last Sunday said +she meant to go to ours. Mr. P. preached on God's character as our +Physician, and she was delighted. I think it was hearing one of his +little letters to the children that made her realise, that he was a +Christian man whom she might safely hear; at any rate, I feel greatly +pleased and comforted that she could appreciate such a subject. I fear +you are suffering from the weather; we never knew anything like it here. +We do not suffer, but wake up every morning _bathed_ in a breeze that +refreshes for the day; I mean we do not suffer while we keep still. I am +astonished at God's goodness in giving us this place; not His goodness +itself, but towards _us_. If Mrs. Brinsmade [8] left much of such +material as the extract you sent me, I wonder Dr. B. did not write +her memoir. The more I read of what Christ said about faith, the more +impressed I am. Just now I am on the last chapters in the gospel of +John, and feel as if I had never read them before. They are just +wonderful. We have to read the Bible to understand the Christian life, +and we must penetrate far into that life in order to understand the +Bible. How beautifully the one interprets the other! I want you to let +me know, without telling her that I asked you, if Miss K. could make me +a visit if it were not for the expense? + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, Dorset, July 20, 1870._ + +Did you ever use a fountain pen? I have had one given me, and like it so +much that I sent for one for my husband, and one for Mr. Pratt. When one +wants to write in one's lap, or out of doors, it is delightful. Mrs. +Field came over from East Dorset on Sunday to have her baby baptized. +They had him there in the church through the whole morning service, and +he was as quiet as any of us. The next day Mrs. F. came down and spent +the morning with me, sweeter, more thoughtful than ever, if changed at +all. Dr. and Mrs. Humphrey, of Philadelphia, are passing the summer here +at the tavern, and we spend most of our evenings there, or they come +here. Mrs. H. is a very superior woman, and though I was determined not +to like her, because I have so many people on hand already, I found I +could not help it. She is as furious about mosses and lichens and all +such things as I am, and the other day took home a _bushel-basket_ of +them. She is an earnest Christian, and has passed through deep waters; +I ought to have reversed the order of those clauses. Excuse this rather +hasty letter; I feared you might fancy your book lost. If you are alive, +let me know it, also if you are dead. + +_To a young Friend, Dorset, Aug. 8, 1870._ + +I dare not answer your letter, just received, in my own strength, but +must pray over it long. It is a great thing to learn how far our doubts +and despondencies are the direct result of physical causes, and another +great thing is, when we can not trace any such connexion, to bear +patiently and quietly what God _permits_, if He does not authorise. I +have no more doubt that you love Him, and that He loves you, than that +I love Him and that He loves me. You have been daily in my prayers. +Temptations and conflict are inseparable from the Christian life; no +strange thing has happened to you. Let me comfort you with the assurance +that you will be taught more and more by God's Spirit how to resist; and +that true strength and holy manhood will spring up from this painful +soil. Try to take heart; there is more than one foot-print on the +sands of time to prove that "some forlorn and shipwrecked brother" has +traversed them before you, and come off conqueror through the Beloved. +_Don't stop praying for your life._ Be as cold and emotionless as you +please; God will accept your naked faith, when it has no glow or warmth +in it; and in His own time the loving, glad heart will come back to you. +I deeply feel for and with you, and have no doubt that a week among +these mountains would do more towards uniting you to Christ than a mile +of letters would. You can't complain of any folly to which I could not +plead guilty. I have put my Saviour's patience to every possible test, +and how I love Him when I think what He will put up with. + +You ask if I "ever feel that religion is a sham"? No, never. I _know_ it +is a reality. If you ask if I am ever staggered by the inconsistencies +of professing Christians, I say yes, I am often made heartsick by them; +but heartsickness always makes me run to Christ, and one good look at +Him pacifies me. This is in fact my panacea for every ill; and as to my +own sinfulness, that would certainly overwhelm me if I spent much time +in looking at it. But it is a monster whose face I do not love to see; +I turn from its hideousness to the beauty of His face who sins not, and +the sight of "yon lovely Man" ravishes me. But at your age I did this +only by fits and starts, and suffered as you do. So I know how to feel +for you, and what to ask for you. God purposely sickens us of man and of +self, that we may learn to "look long at Jesus." + +And this brings me to what you say about Fenelon's going too far, when +he says we may judge of the depth of our humility by our delight in +humiliation, etc. No, he does not go a bit too far. Paul says, "I will +_glory_ in my infirmities"--"I take _pleasure_ in infirmities, in +reproaches, in necessities, in persecution, in distresses for Christ's +sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong." I think this a great +attainment; but that His disciples may reach it, though only through a +humbling, painful process. Then as to God's glory. We say, "Man's chief +end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." Now, can we enjoy Him till +we do glorify Him? Can we enjoy Him while living for ourselves, while +indulging in sin, while prayerless and cold and dead? Does not God +directly seek our highest happiness when He strips us of vainglory and +self-love, embitters the poisonous draught of mere human felicity, +and makes us fall down before Him lost in the sense of His beauty and +desirableness? The connexion between glorifying and enjoying Him is, +to my mind, perfect--one following as the _necessary sequence_ of the +other; and facts bear me out in this. He who has let self go and lives +only for the honor of God, is the free, the happy man. He is no longer a +slave, but has the liberty of the sons of God; for "him who honors me, I +will honor." Satan has befogged you on this point. He dreads to see you +ripen into a saintly, devoted, useful man. He hopes to overwhelm and +ruin you. But he will not prevail. You have solemnly given yourself to +the Lord; you have chosen the work of winning and feeding souls as your +life-work, and you can not, must not go back. These conflicts are the +lot of those who are training to be the Lord's true yoke-fellows. +Christ's sweetest consolations lie behind crosses, and He reserves His +best things for those who have the courage to press forward, fighting +for them. I entreat you to turn your eyes away from self, from man, and +look to Christ. Let me assure you, as a fellow-traveller, that I have +been on the road and know it well, and that by and by there won't be +such a dust on it. You will meet with hindrances and trials, but will +fight quietly through, and no human ear hear the din of battle, no human +eye perceive fainting or halting or fall. May God bless you, and become +to you an ever-present, joyful reality! Indeed He will; only wait +patiently. + +In glancing over this, I see that I have here and there repeated myself. +Do excuse it. I believe it is owing to the way the flies harass and +distract me. + +_August 17th._--I feel truly grateful to God if I have been of any +comfort to you. I know only too well the shock of seeing professors of +even sinless perfection guilty of what I consider sinful sin, and my +whole soul was so staggered that for some days I could not pray, but +could only say, "O God, if there be any God, come to my rescue." ... But +God loves better than He knows us, and foresaw every infidelity before +He called us to Himself. Nothing in us takes Him, therefore, by +surprise. Fenelon teaches what no other writer does--to be "patient with +ourselves," and I think as you penetrate into the Christian life, you +will agree with him on every point as I do. + +_August 19th._--I have had a couple of rather sickish days since writing +the above, but am all right again now. Hot weather does not agree with +me. I used to reproach myself for religious stupidity when not well, but +see now that God Is my kind Father--not my hard taskmaster, expecting me +to be full of life and zeal when physically exhausted. It takes long to +learn such lessons. One has to penetrate deeply into the heart of Christ +to begin to know its tenderness and sympathy and forbearance. + +You can't imagine how Miss K. has luxuriated in her visit, nor how good +she thinks we all are. She holds views to which I can not quite respond, +but I do not condemn or reject them. She is a modest, praying, devoted +woman; not disposed to obtrude, much less to urge her opinions; full +of Christian charity and forbearance; and I am truly thankful that she +prays for me and mine; in fact, she loves to pray so, that when she gets +hold of a new case, she acts as one does who has found a treasure. + +I wish you were looking out with me on the beautiful array of mountains +to be seen from every window of our house and breathing this delicious +air. + +_September 25th._--We expect now to go home on Friday next, though if I +had known how early the foliage was going to turn this year, I should +have planned to stay a week longer to see it in all its glory. It is +looking very beautiful even now, and our eyes have a perpetual feast. We +have had a charming summer, but one does not want to play all the time, +and I hope God has work of some sort for me to do at home during the +winter. Meanwhile, I wish I could send you a photograph of the little +den where I am now writing, and the rustic adornings which make it _sui +generis_, and the bit of woods to be seen from its windows, that, taking +the lead of all other Dorset woods, have put on floral colors, just +because they are ours and know we want them looking their best before we +go away. But this wish must yield to fate, like many another; and, as I +have come to the end of my paper, I will love and leave you. + + * * * * * + +IV. + +_The Story Lizzie Told._ Country and City. The Law of Christian +Progress. Letters to a Friend bereft of three Children. Sudden Death of +another Friend. "Go on; step faster." Fenelon and his Influence upon her +religious Life. Lines on her Indebtedness to him. + + +_The Story Lizzie Told_ was published about this time. It had already +appeared in the Riverside Magazine. The occasion of the story was a +passage in a letter from London written by a friend, which described in +a very graphic and touching way the yearly exhibition of the Society for +the Promotion of Window Gardening among the Poor. The exhibition was +held at the "Dean's close" at Westminster and the Earl of Shaftesbury +gave the prizes. [9] + +No one of Mrs. Prentiss's smaller works, perhaps, has been so much +admired as _The Story Lizzie Told_. It was written at Dorset in the +course of a single day, if not at a single sitting; and so real was +the scene to her imagination that, on reading it in the evening to +her husband, she had to stop again and again from the violence of her +emotion. "What a little fool I am!" she would say, after a fresh burst +of tears. [10] + +_To Mrs. Leonard, New York, Oct. 16, 1870._ + +Your letter came in the midst of the wear and tear of A.'s return to us. +We were kept in suspense about her from Monday, when she was due, till, +Friday when she came, and it is years since I have got so excited and +wrought up. They had a dreadful passage, but she was not sick at all. +Prof. Smith is looking better than I ever saw him, and we are all most +happy in being together once more. I can truly re-echo your wish that +you lived half way between us and Dorset, for then we should see you +once a year at least. I miss you and long to see you. How true it is +that each friend has a place of his own that no one else can fill! I do +not doubt that the 13th of October was a silvery wedding-day to your +dear husband. His loss has made Christ dearer to you, and so has made +your union more perfect. I suppose you were never so much one as you are +now. + +We have had a delightful summer, not really suffering from the heat; +though, of course, we felt it more or less. All our nights were cool.... +I can not tell you how Mr. P. and myself enjoy our country home. It +seems as if we had slipped into our proper nook. But if we are going to +do any more brainwork, we must be where there is stimulus, such as we +find here. What a mixed-up letter! I have almost forgotten how to write, +in adorning my house and sowing my seeds and the like. + +_To Mrs. Frederick Field, New York, Oct. 19th, 1870._ + +I deeply appreciate the Christian kindness that prompted you to write me +in the midst of your sorrow. I was prepared for the sad news by a dream +only last night. I fancied myself seeing your dear little boy lying very +restlessly on his bed, and proposing to carry him about in my arms to +relieve him. He made no objection, and I walked up and down with him a +long, long time, when some one of the family took him from me. Instantly +his face was illumined by a wondrous smile of delight that he was to +leave the arms of a stranger to go to those familiar to him--such a +smile, that when I awoke this morning I said to myself, "Eddy Field has +gone to the arms of his Saviour, and gone gladly." You can imagine how +your letter, an hour or two later, touched me. But you have better +consolation than dreams can give; in the belief that your child will +develop, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, into the perfect +likeness of Christ, and in your own submission to the unerring will of +God. I sometimes think that patient sufferers suffer most; they make +less outcry than others, but the grief that has little vent wears +sorely. + + "Grace does not steel the faithful heart + That it should feel no ill," + +and you have many a pang yet before you. It must be so very hard to see +twin children part company, to have their paths diverge so soon. But the +shadow of death will not always rest on your home; you will emerge from +its obscurity into such a light as they who have never sorrowed can not +know. We never know, or begin to know, the great Heart that loves us +best, till we throw ourselves upon it in the hour of our despair. +Friends say and do all they can for us, but they do not know what we +suffer or what we need; but Christ, who formed, has penetrated the +depths of the mother's heart. He pours in the wine and the oil that no +human hand possesses, and "as one whom his mother comforteth, so will He +comfort you." I have lived to see that God never was so good to me as +when He seemed most severe. Thus I trust and believe it will be with you +and your husband. Meanwhile, while the peaceable fruits are growing and +ripening, may God help you through the grievous time that must pass--a +grievous time in which you have my warm sympathy. I know only too well +all about it. + + "I know my griefs; but then my consolations, + My joys, and my immortal hopes I know"-- + +joys unknown to the prosperous, hopes that spring from seed long buried +in the dust. + +I shall read your books with great interest, I am sure, and who knows +how God means to prepare you for future usefulness along the path of +pain? "Every branch that beareth fruit He purgeth it, that it may bring +forth more fruit." + +What an epitaph your boy's own words would be--"It is beautiful to be +dead"! + +_To the Same, New York, Nov 30th, 1870._ + +I thank you so much for your letter about your precious children. I +remember them well, all three, and do not wonder that the death of your +first-born, coming upon the very footsteps of sorrow, has so nearly +crushed you. But what beautiful consolations God gave you by his dying +bed! "All safe at God's right hand!" What more can the fondest mother's +heart ask than such safety as this? I am sure that there will come to +you, sooner or later, the sense of Christ's love in these repeated +sorrows, that in your present bewildered, amazed state you can hardly +realise. Let me tell you that I have tried His heart in a long +storm--not so very different from yours--and that I know something of +its depths. I will enclose you some lines that may give you a moment's +light. Please not to let them go out of your hands, for no one--not even +my husband--has ever seen them. I am going to send my last book to your +lonely little boy. You will not feel like reading it now, but perhaps +the 33d chapter, and some that follow, may not jar upon you as the +earlier part would. + +To go back again to the subject of Christ's love for us, of which I +never tire, I want to make you feel that His sufferers are His happiest, +most favored disciples. What they learn about Him---His pitifulness, His +unwillingness to hurt us, His haste to bind up the very wounds He has +inflicted---endear Him so, that at last they burst out into songs of +thanksgiving, that His "donation of bliss" included in it such donation +of pain. Perhaps I have already said to you, for I am fond of saying it, + + "The love of Jesus---what it is, + Only His sufferers know." + +You ask if your heart will ever be lightsome again. Never again with the +lightsomeness that had never known sorrow, but light even to gayety with +the new and higher love born of tribulation. Just as far as a heavenly +is superior even to maternal love, will be the elevation and beauty of +your new joy; a joy worth all it costs. I know what sorrow means; I know +it well. But I know, too, what it is to pass out of that prison-house +into a peace that passes all understanding; and thousands can say the +same. So, my dear suffering sister, look on and look up; lay hold on +Christ with _both your poor, empty hands_; let Him do with you what +seemeth Him good; though He slay you, still trust in Him; and I dare in +His name to promise you a sweeter, better life than you could have +known had He left you to drink of the full, dangerous cups of unmingled +prosperity. I feel such real and living sympathy with you, that I would +love to spend weeks by your side, trying to bind up your broken heart. +But for the gospel of Christ, to hear of such bereavements as yours +would appall, would madden one. Yet, what a halo surrounds that word +"but"! + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, Dec 14, 1870._ + +I have not behaved according to my wont, and visited the sick even by +way of a letter. And by this time I hope you are quite well again, and +do not need ghostly counsels.... I have felt very badly about Miss +Lyman's dying at Vassar, but since Mrs. S.'s visit and learning how +beloved she is there, have changed my mind. What does it matter, after +all, from what point of time or space we go home; how we shall smile, +after we get there, that we ever gave it one moment's thought! You ask +what I am doing; well, I am taking a vacation and not writing anything +to speak of, yet just as busy as ever; not one moment in which to +dawdle, though I dare say I seem to the folks here at home to be sitting +round doing nothing. I must give you a picture of one day and you must +photograph one of yours, as we have done before. Got up at seven and +went through the usual forms; had prayers and breakfast, and started off +to school with M. Came home and had a nice quiet time reading, etc.; +at eleven went to my meeting, which was a tearful one, as one of our +members who knelt with us only a week before, was this day to be buried +out of our sight. She was at church on Sunday afternoon at four P.M., to +present her baby in baptism, and at half-past two the following morning +was in heaven. We all went together to the funeral after the meeting, +and gathered round the coffin with the feeling that she belonged to us. +When I got home I found a despatch from Miss W., saying they should be +here right away. I had let one of my women go out of town to a sick +sister, so I must turn chamber-maid and make the bed, dust, clear out +closet, cupboard, and bureau forthwith. This done, they arrived, which +took the time till half-past seven, when I excused myself and went to an +evening meeting, knowing it would be devoted to special prayer for the +husband and children of her who had gone. Got home half an hour behind +time and found a young man awaiting me who was converted last June, as +he hopes, while reading Stepping Heavenward. I had just got seated by +him when our doctor was announced; he had lost his only grandchild and +had come to talk about it. He stayed till half-past nine, when I went +back to my young friend, who stayed till half-past ten and gave a very +interesting history which I have not time to put on paper. He writes +me since, however, about his Christian life that "it gets sweeter and +sweeter," and I know you will be glad for me that I have this joy. + +_Saturday Morning._--I was interrupted there, had visitors, had to go to +a fair, company again, so that I had not time to eat the food I needed, +went to see a poor sick girl, had more visitors, and at last, at eleven +P.M., scrambled into bed. Now I am finishing this, and if nobody +hinders, am going to mail it, and then go after a block of ice-cream +for that sick girl (isn't it nice, we can get it now done up in little +boxes, just about as much as an invalid can eat at one time). Then I +am going to see a poor afflicted soul that can't get any light on her +sorrow. Here comes my dear old man to read his sermon, so good-bye. + +_To a young Friend, Dec. 20, 1870._ + +I have been led, during the last month or two, to a new love of the Holy +Spirit, or perhaps to more consciousness of the silent, blessed work He +is doing in and for us? and for those whose souls lie as a heavy and +yet a sweet burden upon our own. And joining with you in your prayers, +seeking also for myself what I sought for you, I found myself almost +startled by such a response as I can not describe. It was not joy, but a +deep solemnity which enfolded me as with a garment, and if I ever pass +out of it, which I never want to do, I hope it will be with a heart more +than ever consecrated and set apart for Christ's service. The more +I reflect and the more I pray, the more life narrows down to one +point--What am I being for Christ, what am I doing for Him? Why do I +tell you this? Because the voice of a fellow-traveller always stimulates +his brother-pilgrim; what one finds and speaks of and rejoices over, +sets the other upon determining to find too. God has been very good to +you, as well as to me, but we ought to whisper to each other now and +then, "Go on, step faster, step surer, lay hold on the Rock of Ages with +both hands." You never need be afraid to speak such words to me. I want +to be pushed on, and pulled on, and coaxed on. + +The allusion to her "beloved Fenelon," in several of the preceding +letters, renders this a suitable place to say a word about him and his +influence upon her religious character. "Fenelon I _lean_ on," she +wrote. Her delight in his writings dated back more than a quarter of a +century, and continued, unabated, to the end of her days. She regarded +him with a sort of personal affection and reverence. Her copy of +"Spiritual Progress," composed largely of selections from his works, is +crowded with pencil-marks expressive of her sympathy and approval; not +even her Imitation of Christ, Sacra Privata, Pilgrim's Progress, Saints' +Everlasting Rest, or Leighton on the First Epistle of Peter, contain so +many. These pencil-marks are sometimes very emphatic, underscoring or +inclosing now a single word, now a phrase, anon a whole sentence or +paragraph; and it requires but little skill to decipher, in these rude +hieroglyphics, the secret history of her soul for a third of a century-- +one side, at least, of this history. What she sought with the greatest +eagerness, what she most loved and most hated, her spiritual aims, +struggles, trials, joys and hopes, may here be read between the lines. +And a beautiful testimony they give to the moral depth, purity and +nobleness of her piety! + +The story is not, indeed, complete; her religious life had other +elements, not found, or only partially found, in Fenelon; elements +centering directly in Christ and His gospel, and which had their +inspiration in her Daily Food and her New Testament. What attracted her +to Fenelon was not the doctrine of salvation as taught by him--she found +it better taught in Bunyan and Leighton--it was his marvellous knowledge +of the human heart, his keen insight into the proper workings of nature +and grace, his deep spiritual wisdom, and the sweet mystic tone of his +piety. And then the two great principles pervading his writings--that +of pure love to God and that of self-crucifixion as the way to perfect +love--fell in with some of her own favorite views of the Christian +life. In the study of Fenelon, as of Madame Guyon, her aim was a purely +practical one; it was not to establish, or verify, a theory, but to get +aid and comfort in her daily course heavenward. What Fenelon was to her +in this respect she has herself recorded in the following lines, found, +after her death, written on a blank page of her "Spiritual Progress": + + Oh wise and thoughtful words! oh counsel sweet, + Guide in my wanderings, spurs unto my feet, + How often you have met me on the way, + And turned me from the path that led astray; + Teaching that fault and folly, sin and fall, + Need not the weary pilgrim's heart appall; + Yea more, instructing how to snatch the sting + From timid conscience, how to stretch the wing + From the low plane, the level dead of sin, + And mount immortal, mystic joys to win. + One hour with Jesus! How its peace outweighs + The ravishment of earthly love and praise; + How dearer far, emptied of self to lie + Low at His feet, and catch, perchance, His eye, + Alike content when He may give or take, + The sweet, the bitter, welcome for His sake! + + +[1] John Wesley, after having pointed out what he considered the +grand source of all her mistakes; namely, the being guided by inward +impressions and the light of her own spirit rather than by the written +Word, and also her error in teaching that God never purifies a soul but +by inward and outward suffering--then adds: "And yet with all this dross +how much pure gold is mixed! So did God wink at involuntary ignorance. +What a depth of religion did she enjoy! How much of the mind that was in +Christ Jesus! What heights of righteousness, and peace, and joy in the +Holy Ghost! How few such instances do we find of exalted love to God, +and our neighbor; of genuine humility; of invincible meekness and +unbounded resignation! So that, upon the whole, I know not whether we +may not search many centuries to find another woman who was such a +pattern of true holiness." + +[2] See the lines MY CUP RUNNETH OVER, _Golden Hours_, p. 43. + +[3] "I know of no book, the Bible excepted as above all comparison, +which I, according to my judgment and experience, could so safely +recommend as teaching and enforcing the whole saving truth according to +the mind that was in Christ Jesus, as the Pilgrim's Progress. It is, in +my conviction, incomparably the best _summa theologiae evangelicae_ ever +produced by a writer not miraculously inspired. I read it once as a +theologian--and let me assure you, there is great theological acumen in +the work--once with devotional feelings, and once as a poet. I could +not have believed beforehand that Calvinism could be painted in such +exquisitely delightful colors."--COLERIDGE. + +[4] The allusion is to Thekla's song in Part I., Act iii., sc. 7 of +Schiller's Wallenstein. + + Du Heilige, rufe dein Kind zurueck! + Ich habe genossen das irdische Glueck, + _Ich habe gelebt und gelibet._ + +[5] The hymn referred to is Paul Gerhardt's, beginning: + + Wir singen dir, Immanuel, Du Lebensfuerst und Gnadenquell. + +It was one of her favorite German hymns. The lines she quotes belong to +the tenth stanza; "Ich kann nicht sagen Der Will ist da," are the words +pencilled in the margin. + +[6] Hartley Coleridge's Poems. Vol. II., p. 139. + +[7] But greatly to Mrs. Prentiss' annoyance, with the title changed to +_Ever Heavenward_--as if to make it appear to be a sequel to Stepping +Heavenward. + +[8] Wife of the late Rev. Horatio Brinsmade, D.D., of Newark, N. J. + +[9] "Polly" was particularly happy; six years old, I should say, shabby, +though evidently washed up for the occasion, and very pretty and all +pink with excitement. "Polly, I _knowed_ you'd get a prize," I heard a +young woman, tired out with carrying her own big baby, say. And then she +came upon her own geranium with three blossoms on it and marked "Second +Prize," and said, "I _can't_ believe it," when they told her that that +meant six shillings. But the plant which my companion and myself both +cried over, was a little bit of a weedy marigold, the one poor little +flower on it carefully fastened about with a paper ring, such as high +and mighty greenhouse men sometimes put round a choice rose in bud. That +was all; just this one common, very single little flower, with "Lizzie" +Something's name attached and the name of her street. All the streets +were put upon the tickets and added greatly to the pathetic effect; +just the poorest lanes and alleys in London. Nobody seemed to claim +the marigold. Perhaps it was the great treasure of some sick child who +couldn't come to look at it. It was certain not to get a prize, but +the child has found something by this time tucked down in the pot and +carefully covered over by F., when no one was looking, with a pinch of +earth taken from a more prosperous plant alongside. + +[10] Miss W. showed me a very pleasant letter of Lady Augusta Stanley, +the wife of Dean Stanley, to a Miss C., through whom she received from +Miss W.'s little niece a copy of _The Story Lizzie Told_. Lady Stanley +is herself, I believe, at the head of the Society which holds the annual +Flower Show. She says in her letter that she had just returned from +Scotland, reaching home quite late in the evening. Before retiring, +however, she had read your story through. She praises it very warmly, +and wonders how anybody but a "Londoner" could have written it.--_Letter +to Mrs. P., dated New York, September, 1872._ + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +IN HER HOME. + + +The letters in the preceding chapters give a glimpse, here and there, +of Mrs. Prentiss' home, but relate chiefly to the religious side of her +character. What was her manner of life among her children? How were her +temper and habits as a mother affected by the ardor and intensity of her +Christian feeling? A partial answer to these questions is contained in +letters written to her eldest daughter, while the latter was absent +in Europe. These letters show the natural side of her character; and +although far from reflecting all its light and beauty--no words could +do that!--they depict some of its most interesting traits. They are +frankness itself and betray not the least respect of persons; but if she +speaks her mind in them without much let or hindrance, it is always done +in the pleasantest way. In the portions selected for publication the aim +has been to let her be seen, so far as possible, just as she appeared in +her daily home-life, both in town and country. + +I. + +Home-life in New York. + +New York, _October_ 22, 1869. + + +I have promised to walk to school with M. this morning, and while I am +waiting for her to get ready, will begin my letter to you. We got home +from seeing you off all tired out, and I lay on the sofa all the time +till I went to bed, except while eating my dinner, and I think papa +did pretty much the same. The moment we had done dinner, H. and Jane +appeared, carrying your bureau drawer between them, and we had a great +time over the presents you were thoughtful enough to leave behind you. +My little sacque makes me look like 500 angels instead of one, and I +am ever so glad of it, and the children were all delighted with their +things. + +Well, I have escorted M. to school, come home and read the Advance, and +Hearth and Home, and it is now eleven o'clock and the door-bell has only +rung twice! Papa says you are out of sight of land, and as it is a warm +day and we are comfortable, we hope you are. But it is dreadful to have +to wait so long before hearing. + +_23d._--Papa says this must be mailed by nine o'clock; so I have hurried +up from breakfast to finish it. Mr. and Mrs. S. spent most of last +evening with us. They shouted over my ferrotypes. Mr.---- also called +and expressed as much surprise at your having gone to Europe as if the +sky had fallen. I read my sea-journal to the children last evening, and +though it is very flat and meagre in itself, H., to whom it was all +brand new, thought it ought to be published forthwith. No time for +another word but love to all the S.'s, big and little, high and low, +great and small. Your affectionate Mammy. + +_Oct. 28th._--I can hardly believe that it is only a week today that we +saw you and your big steamer disappear from view. H. said last night +that it seemed to him one hundred years ago, and we all said amen. So +how do you suppose it will seem ten months hence? I hope you do not find +the time so long. I take turns waiting upon the children to school, +which they are very strict about, and they enjoy their teachers +amazingly. + +I received this morning a very beautiful and touching letter from a +young lady in England about the Susy books. They are associated in her +mind and those of her family with a "Little Pearlie" whose cunning +little photograph she enclosed, who taught herself to read in a +fortnight from one of them, and was read to from it on her dying bed, +and after she became speechless she made signs to have her head wet +as Susy's was. I never received such a letter among all I have had. +Randolph sent me twelve copies of Stepping Heavenward, and I have had +my hands full packing and sending them. M. is reading aloud to H. a +charming story called "Alone in London." I am sure I could not read it +aloud without crying. + +The following is the letter from England: + +To THE AUTHOR OF "LITTLE SUSY": + +I feel as if I had a perfect right to call you "My dear friend," so much +have I thought of you this last year and a half. Bear with me while I +tell you why. A year ago last Christmas we were a large family--father, +mother, and eight children, of whom I, who address you, am the eldest. +The youngest was of course the pet, our bright little darling, rather +more than five. That Christmas morning, of course, there were gifts for +all; and among the treasures in the smallest stocking was a copy of +"Little Susy's Six Teachers," for which I desire to thank you now. Many +times I have tried to do so, but I could not; the trouble which came +upon us was too great and awful in its suddenness. Little Pearl, so +first called in the days of a fragile babyhood--Dora Margaret was her +real name--taught herself to read from her "Little Susy," during the +first fortnight she had it. And she would sit for hours, literally, +amusing and interesting herself by it. She talked constantly of the +Six Teachers, and a word about them was enough to quell any rising +naughtiness. "Pearlie, what would Mr. Ought say?" or "Don't grieve Mrs. +Love," was always sufficient. Do you know what it is to have one the +youngest in a large family? My darling was seventeen years younger than +I. I left school when she was born to take the oversight of the nursery, +which dear mamma's illness and always delicate health prevented her from +doing. I had nursed her in her illnesses, dressed her, made the little +frocks--now laid so sadly by--and to all the rest of us she had been +more like a child than a sister. Friends used to say, "It is a wonder +that child is not spoiled"; but they could never say she _was_. Merry, +full of life and fun she always was, quick and intelligent, full of +droll sayings which recur to us now with _such_ a pain. From Christmas +to the end of February we often remarked to one another how good that +child was! laughing and playing from morning to night, yet never unruly +or wild. That February we had illness in the house. Jessie, the next +youngest, had diphtheria, but she recovered, and we trusted all danger +was passed, when one Monday evening--the last in the month--our darling +seemed ill. The next day we recognised the symptoms we had seen in +Jessie, and the doctor was called in. Tuesday and Wednesday he came and +gave no hint of danger, but on Wednesday night we perceived a change and +on Thursday came the sentence: No hope. Oh friend, dear friend! how can +I tell you of the long hours when we could not help our darling--of the +dark night when, forbidden the room from the malignity of the case, we +went to bed to coax mamma to do so--of the grey February dawn when there +came the words, "Our darling is _quite well_ now"--quite well, forever +taken from the evil to come. + +The Sunday night before, she came into the parlor with "Susy" under her +arm and petitioned for some one to read the "Teachers' meeting." "Why, +you read it twice this afternoon," said one. "Yes, I know--but it's +so nice," was the reply. "Pearlie will be six in September," said the +gentle mother; "we must have a Teachers' meeting for her, I think." "But +perhaps I sha'n't ever be six," said the little one. "Oh Pearlie, why +do you say so?" "Well, people don't all be six, you know," affirmed our +darling with solemn eyes and two dimples in the rosy cheeks, that were +hid forever from us before the next Sabbath day. + +On the Wednesday we borrowed from a little friend the other books of the +series, thinking they might afford some amusement for the weary hours of +illness, and Annie, my next sister, read four of the birthdays to her +and then wished to stop, fearing she might be too fatigued. "No, read +one more," was the request, and "That will do--I'm five, read the last +to-morrow," she said, when it was complied with. Ah me! with how many +tears we took up that book again. That Wednesday she sat up in bed, a +glass of medicine in her hand. "Mamma," she said, "Miss Joy has gone +quite away and only left Mr. Pain. She can't come back till my throat +is well." "But Mrs. Love is here, is she not?" "Oh, yes," and the dear +heavy eyes turned from one to another. In the night, when she lay +dying, came intervals of consciousness; in one of these she took her +handkerchief and gave it to papa, who watched by her, asking him to wet +it and put it on her head. When he told us, we recollected the incident +when Susy in the favorite book was ill. And can you understand how our +hearts felt very tender toward you and we said you must be thanked. +I should weary you if I told you all the incidents that presented +themselves of how sweet and good she was in her illness; how in the +agony of those last hours, when no fear of infection could restrain the +passionate kisses papa was showering on her, the dear voice said with a +stop and an effort between each word, "Don't kiss me on my mouth, +papa; you may catch it"; how everything she asked for was prefaced by +"please," how self was always last in her thoughts. "I'm keeping you +awake, you darling." "Don't stand there--you'll be so tired--sit down or +go down-stairs, if you like." + +I will send you a photograph of little Pearlie; it is the best we have, +but was taken when she was only two years old. She was very small for +her age and had been very delicate until the last year of her life. + +In writing thus to thank you I am not only doing an act of justice to +yourself, but fulfilling wishes now rendered binding. Often and often my +dear mamma said, "How I wish we knew the lady who wrote Little Susy!" +Her health, always delicate, never recovered from the shock of Pearlie's +death, and suddenly, on the morning of the first of May, the Angel of +Death darkened our dwelling with the shadow of his wings. Not long did +he linger--only two hours--and our mother had left us. She was with her +treasure and the Saviour, who said so lovingly on earth, "Come unto Me." + +But words can not express such trouble as that. We have not realised it +yet. Forgive me if my letter is abrupt and confused. I have only desired +to tell you simply the simple tale--if by any chance it should make you +thank God more earnestly for the great gift He has given you--a holy +gift indeed; for can you think the lessons from "Susy," so useful and +so loved on earth, could be suddenly forgotten when the glories of heavens +opened on our darling's view? I can not myself. I think, perhaps, our +Father's home may be more like our human ones, where His love reigns, +than our wild hearts allow themselves to imagine; and I think the two, +on whose behalf I thank you now, may one day know you and thank you +themselves. + +Dear "Aunt Susan," believe me to be, your unknown yet grateful friend, + +LIZZIE WRAITH L----. + +Mrs. Prentiss at once answered this letter, and not long after received +another from Miss L----, dated January 9, 1870, breathing the same +grateful feeling and full of interesting details. The following is an +extract from it: + +I was so surprised, dear unknown friend, to receive your kind letter so +soon. Indeed, I hardly expected a reply at all. When I wrote to you, I +did not know that I was addressing a daughter of the "Edward Payson" +whose name is fragrant even on this side of the Atlantic. Had I known it +I think I should not have ventured to write--so I am glad I did not. If +you should be able to write again, and have a carte-de-visite to spare, +may I beg it, that I may form some idea of the friend, "old enough to be +my mother"? Are you little and slight, like my real mother, I wonder, or +stately and tall? I will send you a photograph of the monument which the +ladies of papa's church and congregation have erected to dear mamma, in +our beautiful cemetery, where the snowdrops will be already peeping, and +where roses bloom for ten months out of the twelve. + +_Nov. 3d._--Here beginneth letter No. 3. We heard of your arrival at +Southampton by a telegram last evening. We long to get a letter. Before +I forget it let me tell you that Alice H. and Julia W. have both got +babbies. We are getting nicely settled for the winter; the children are +all behaving beautifully. + +_Saturday, 6th._--Well, I have just been to see Mrs. F., and found her +a bright, frank young thing, fresh and simple and very pleasing. Her +complexion is like M----'s, and the lower part of her face is shaped +like hers, dark eyebrows, light hair, _splendid_ teeth, and I suppose +would be called very pretty by you girls. Take her altogether I liked +her very much. We hear next to nothing from Stepping Heavenward, and +begin to think it is going to fall dead. + +_Monday, 14th._--Your Southampton letter has just come and we are +delighted to hear that you had such a pleasant voyage, and found so many +agreeable people on board.... Yesterday afternoon was devoted to hearing +a deeply interesting description from Dr. Hatfield, followed by Mr. +Dodge, of the re-union of the two Assemblies at Pittsburgh. Dr. H. made +us all laugh by saying that as the New School entered the church where +they were to be received and united to the Old School, the latter rose +and sang "Return, ye ransomed sinners, home!" Oh, I don't know but it +was just the other way; it makes no great difference, for as Dr. H. +remarked, "we're all ransomed sinners." + +_Nov. 30th._--Mr. Abbot dined here on Sunday. He came in again in the +evening, and it would have done you good to hear what he said about the +children. They are all well and happy, and give me very little trouble. +I do not feel so well on the late dinner, and have awful dreams.----I +was passing the C----s, after writing the above, and she called me in to +see her new parlors. They are beautiful; a great deal of bright, rich +coloring, and various articles of furniture of his own designing. +_Thursday._----You and M. will be shocked to hear that Julia W. died +last night. As Mr. W. was at church on Sunday, we supposed all danger +was over. We heard it through a telegram sent to your father. + +_December 4, 1869._--I need not tell you that we all remember that this +is your birthday, dear child, and that the remembrance brings you very +near. I wish I could send you, for a birthday present, all that I have, +this morning, asked God to give you. You may depend upon it, that while +some people may get along through life at a certain distance from Him, +_you_ are not one of that sort. You may find a feverish joy, but never +abiding _peace_, out of Him. Remember this whenever you feel the +oppression of that vague sense of unrest, of which, I doubt not, you +have a great deal underneath a careless outside; this is the thirst of +the soul for the only fountain at which it is worth while to drink. You +never will be really happy till Christ becomes your dearest and most +intimate friend. _7th._--We have had a tremendous fall of snow, and +Culyer says M. ought to wait an hour before starting for school, but she +is not willing and I am going with her to see that she is not buried +alive. Good-bye again, dearie! Will begin a new letter right away. + +_Dec. 9th_--We went to see Mrs. W. this afternoon. Julia had typhoid +fever, which ran twenty-one days, and was delirious a good deal of the +time. She got ready to die before her confinement, though she said she +expected to live. After she became so very ill Mrs. W. heard her +praying for something "for Christ's sake," "for the sake of Christ's +_sufferings_," and once asked her what it was she was asking for so +earnestly. "Oh, to get well for Edward's sake and the baby's," she +replied. A few days before her death she called Mrs. W. to "come close" +to her, and said, "I am going to die. I did not think so when baby was +born, dear little thing--but now it is impressed upon me that I am." +Mrs. W. said they hoped not, but added, "Yet suppose you _should_ die, +what then?" "Oh I have prayed, day and night, to be reconciled, and I +am, _perfectly_ so. God will take care of Edward and of my baby. Perhaps +it is better so than to run the risk--" She did not finish the sentence. +The baby looks like her. Mrs. W. told her you had gone to Europe with +M., and she expressed great pleasure; but if she had known where _she_ +was going, and to what, all she would have done would have been to give +thanks "for Christ's sake." I do not blame her, however, for clinging to +life; it was natural she should. + +_10th_--We went, last evening, to hear Father Hyacinthe lecture on +"Charite" at the Academy of Music. I did not expect to understand a +word, but was agreeably disappointed, as he spoke very distinctly. Still +I did not enjoy hearing as well as I did reading it this morning--for +I lost some of the best things in a really fine address. It was a +brilliant scene, the very elite of intellectual society gathered around +one modest, unpretentious little man. Dr. and Mrs. Crosby were in the +box with us, and she, fortunately, had an opera glass with her, so that +we had a chance to study his really good face. The only book I expect to +write this winter is to you; I am dreadfully lazy since you left, and +don't do anything but haze about. There is a good deal of lively talk at +the table; the children are waked up by going to school, and there is +some rivalry among them, each maintaining that his and hers is the best. + +_Dec. 15th._--We have cards for a "Soiree musicale" at Mrs. ----'s, +which is to be a great smash-up. She called here to-day and wept and +wailed over and kissed me. I have been to see how Mrs. C. is. She is a +little worse to-day, and he and her father scarcely leave her. He wrung +my hand all to pieces, poor man. Her illness is exciting great sympathy +in our church, and nobody seems willing to let her go. Dr. Adams spent +last evening here. He is splendid company; I really wish he would come +once a week. Everybody is asking if I meant in Katy to describe myself. +I have no doubt that if I should catch an old toad, put on to her a +short gown and petticoat and one of my caps, everybody would walk up +to her and say, "Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Prentiss, you look more like +yourself than common; I recognise the picture you have drawn of yourself +in Stepping Heavenward and in the Percys," etc., etc., etc., _ad +nauseam_. The next book I write I'll make my heroine black and everybody +will say, "Oh, here you are again, black to the life!" + +_Dec. 18th._--You and M. will not be surprised to hear that Mrs. C.'s +sufferings are over. She died this morning. Papa and I are greatly +shaken. With much hesitation I decided to go over there to see her +mother, and the welcome I got from her and from Mr. C. are things to +remember for a life-time. I will never hesitate again to fly to people +in trouble. If you were here I would tell you all about my visit, but I +can't write it down. It seems so sad, just as they had got into their +lovely new home--sad for _him_, I mean; as for her I can only wish her +joy that she is not weeping here below as he is. I stayed till it was +time for church, and when I entered it I was met by many a tearful face; +papa announced her death from the pulpit, and is going, this afternoon, +to throw aside the sermon he intended to preach, and extemporise on "the +first Sunday in heaven." The children are going in, this noon, to sing; +as to the Mission festival, that is to be virtually given up; the +children are merely to walk in, receive their presents, and go silently +out. It is a beautiful day to go to heaven in. Mrs. C. did not know +she was going to die, but that is of no consequence. Only one week ago +yesterday she was at the Industrial school, unusually bright and well, +they all say. Well, I see everything double and had better stop writing. + +_Monday, 20th._--Your nice letter was in the letter-box as I started for +school with H.; I called to papa to let him know it was there and went +off, begrudging him the pleasure of reading it before I did. When I got +home there was no papa and no letter to be found; I looked in every +room, on his desk and on mine, posted down to the letter-box and into +the parlor, in vain. At last he came rushing home with it, having +carried it to market, lest I should get and read it alone! So we sat +down and enjoyed it together.... I take out your picture now and then, +when, lo, a big lump in my throat, notwithstanding which I am glad we +let you go; we enjoy your enjoyment, and think it will make the old nest +pleasanter to have been vacated for a while. Papa and I agreed before +we got up this morning that the only fault we had to find with God was, +that He was too good to us. I can't get over the welcome I got from Mr. +C. yesterday. He said I seemed like a mother to him, which made me feel +very old on the one hand, and very happy on the other. If I were you I +wouldn't marry anybody but a minister; it gives one such lots of people +to love and care for. Old Mrs. B. is failing, and lies there as peaceful +and contented as a little baby. I never got sweeter smiles from anybody. +I have got each of the servants a pretty dress for Christmas; I feel +that I owe them a good deal for giving me such a peaceful, untroubled +home. + +_Dec. 23d._--It rained very hard all day yesterday till just about the +time of the funeral, half-past three, when the church was well filled, +the Mission-school occupying seats by themselves and the teachers by +themselves.... I thought as I listened to the address that it would +reconcile me to seeing you lying there in your coffin, if such a record +stood against your name. Papa read, at the close, a sort of prophetic +poem of Mrs. C.'s, which she wrote a year or more ago, of which I should +like to send you all a copy, it is so good in every sense. He wants me +to send you a few hasty lines I scribbled off on Sunday noon, with which +he closed his sermon that afternoon, and repeated again at the funeral, +but it is not worth the ink. After the service the mission children +went up to look at the remains, and passed out; then the rest of the +congregation. One of the mission children fainted and fell, and was +carried out in Mr. L.'s arms. After the rest dispersed papa took me in, +and there we saw a most touching sight; a dozen poor women and children +weeping about the coffin, offering a tribute to her memory, sweeter than +the opulent display of flowers did. _Evening._--The interment took place +to-day, at Woodlawn. Mr. C. wished me to go, and I did. On the way home +a gentlemanly-looking man stepped up to your father, and taking his hand +said, "I never saw you till to-day, but I _love_ you; yes, there is no +other word!" Wasn't it nice of him? + +_Dec. 24th._--Papa went in last evening, for a half hour, to see ---- +and his bride, at their great reception, drank two glasses of "coffee +sangaree," and brought me news that overcame me quite,--namely, that +---- was delighted with my book. Nesbit & Co. sent me a copy of their +reprint of it. They have got it up beautifully with six colored +illustrations, most of them very good; little Earnest is as cunning as +he can be, and the old grandpa is perfect. Katy, however, has her hair +in a waterfall in the year 1835 and even after, wears long dresses, and +always has on a _sontag_ or something like one. She goes to see Dr. +Cabot in a red sacque, and a red hat, and has a muff in her lap. Mrs. +---- was here the other day to say that I had drawn her husband's +portrait _exactly_ in Dr. Elliot. I have been out with M. all the +morning, doing up our last shopping. We came home half frozen, and had +lunch together, when lo, a magnificent basket of flowers from Mrs. D. +and some candy from the party; papa and G. came home and we all fell to +making ourselves sick.... I have bought lots of candy and little fancy +cakes to put in the children's stockings. I know it is very improper, +but one can't be good always. Dr. P. is sick with pneumonia. Mrs. P. +has just sent me a basket of fresh eggs, and an illustrated edition of +Longfellow's "Building of the Ship." + +_25th._--I wish you a Merry Christmas, darling, and wonder what you +are all doing to celebrate this day. We have had great times over our +presents.... I got a note from Mr. Abbot saying that a friend of his in +Boston had given away fourteen Katies, all he could get, and that the +bookseller said he could have sold the last copy thirty times over. +Neither papa nor I feel quite up to the mark to-day; we probably got +a little cold at Mrs. C.'s grave, as the wind blew furiously, and the +hymn, and prayer, and benediction took quite a time. + +_26th._--Dr. P. is worse. Papa has been to see him since church, and Dr. +B., who was there, said that Dr. Murray quoted from Katy in his sermon +to-day, and then pausing long enough to attract everybody's attention, +he said he wished each of them to procure and read it. I hope you and +Mrs. Smith won't get sick hearing about it; I assure you I don't tell +you half I might. _Evening_.--Mr. C. has been here this evening to +show us a poem by his wife, just come out in the January number of the +Sabbath at Home, in which she asks the New Year what it has in store +for her, and says if it is _death_, it is only going home the sooner. +Neither he, or anyone, had seen it or heard of it, and it came to them +with overwhelming power and consolation as the last utterance of her +Christian faith. [1] + +_Dec. 30th, 1869._--Your letter came yesterday morning, after breakfast, +and was read to an admiring audience of Prentisses by papa, who +occasionally called for counsel as to this word and that. We like the +plan made for the winter, and hope it will suit all round. You had such +a grand birth-day that I don't see what there was left for Christmas, +and hope you got nothing but a leather button. My Percys end to-day, and +I am shocked at the wretched way in which I ended them. I wish you would +buy a copy of Griseldis for me. Why don't you tell what you are reading? +I got for M. "A Sister's Bye Hours," by Jean Ingelow, and find it a +delightful book; such lots of quiet humor and so much good sense and +good feeling; you girls would enjoy reading it aloud together. + +_Jan. 3d, 1870._--You will want to hear all about New Year's day, and +where shall I begin unless at the end thereof, when your and Mrs. +Smith's letters came, and which caused papa ungraciously to leave me to +entertain, while he greedily devoured them and his dinner. In spite of +rain we had a steady flow of visitors. I will enclose a list for your +delectation, for as reading a cook-book sort of feeds one, reading +familiar names sort of comforts one. Mr. ---- was softer and more +languishing than ever, and appeared like a man who had been fed on honey +off the tips of a canary bird's feather.... Papa and I agreed, talking +it over last evening, that it is a bad plan for husbands and wives not +to live and die together, as the one who is left is apt to cut up. He +hinted that I was "so fond of admiration" that he was afraid I should, +if he died. On questioning him as to what he meant by this abominable +speech, he said he meant to pay me a compliment!!! that he thought +me very susceptible when people loved me and very fond of being +loved--which I am by him; all other men I hate. My cousin G. dined with +us on Friday and took me to the meeting held annually at Dr. Adams' +church. I like him ever so much, though he _is_ a man. G. has brought +me in some dandelions from the church-yard. We have not had one day +of severe cold yet, and there is a great deal of sickness about in +consequence. + +_Friday._--I spent a part of last evening in writing an article about +Mrs. C.'s poem for the Sabbath at Home, and have a little fit of +indigestion as my reward. Have been to see my sick woman with jelly and +consolation, and from there to Mrs. D., who gave me a beautiful account +of Mrs. Coming's last days and of her readiness and gladness to go. I +was at the meeting at Dr. Rogers' yesterday afternoon and heard old Dr. +Tyng for the first time, and he spoke beautifully.... Well, Chi Alpha +[2] is over; we had a very large attendance and the oysters were burnt. +It is dreadfully trying when Maria never once failed before to have them +so extra nice. Dr. Hall came and told me he had been sending copies of +Fred and Maria and Me to friends in Ireland. Martha and Jane, and M. and +H. were all standing in a row together when the parsons come out to tea, +and one of them marched up to the row, saying to papa, Are these your +children? when Martha and Jane made a precipitate retreat into the +pantry. Good-night, darling; lots of love to Mrs. Smith and all of them. +Your affectionate "Marm-er." + +_11th._--Yours came to-day, and papa and I had a brief duel with +hair-pins and pen-knives as to which should read it aloud to the other, +and I beat. I should have enjoyed Eigensinn, I am sure; you know I have +read it in German.... The children all three are lovely, and what with +them and papa and other things my cup is running over tremendously. I +have just heard that a poor woman I have been to see a few times, died +this morning. I always came away from her crestfallen, thinking I was +the biggest poke in a sick-room there ever was, but she sent me a dying +message that quite comforted me. She had once lived in plenty, but was +fearfully destitute, and I fear she and her family suffered for want of +common necessaries. + +_Thursday._--I had an early and a long call from one of our church, who +wanted to tell me, among other things, that her husband scolded her for +bumping her head in the night; she wept and I condoled; she went away at +last smiling. Then I went to the sewing circle and idled about till one; +then I had several calls. Then papa and I went out to make a lot of +calls. Then came a note from a sick lady, whom I shall go to see in +spite of my horror of strangers. Papa got a letter from Prof. Smith +which gave us great pleasure. Z. was here yesterday; I asked her to stay +to lunch, bribing her with a cup of tea, and so she stayed and we had a +real nice time; when she went away I told her I was dead in love with +her. + +_Friday Evening._--The children have all gone to bed; M. and G. have +been reading all the evening; M. busy on Miss Alcott's "Little Women," +and G. shaking his sides over old numbers of the Riverside. Papa says +our house ought to have a sign put out, "Souls cured here"; because so +many people come to tell their troubles. People used to do just so to my +mother, and I suppose always do to parsons' wives if they'll let 'em. + +_Monday._--Papa preached delightfully yesterday. Mr. B. took a pew and +Mr. I don't know who took another. Your letter came this morning and was +full of interesting things. I hope Mrs. S. will send me her own and Jean +Ingelow's verses. What fun to get into a correspondence with her! I have +had an interesting time to-day. Dr. Skinner lent me some months ago a +little book called "God's Furnace"; I didn't like it at first, but read +it through several times and liked it better and better each time. And +to-day Mrs. ---- brought the author to spend a few hours (she lives out +of town), and we three black-eyed women had a remarkable time together. +There is certainly such a thing as a heaven below, only it doesn't last +as the real heaven will. We had Mr. C. to tea last night; after tea he +read us three poems of his wife, and papa was weak enough to go and read +him some verses of mine, which he ought not to have done till I am dead +and gone. Then he played and sang with the children, and we had prayers, +and I read scraps to him and papa from Faber's "All for Jesus" and +Craig's Memoir. M. is lying on the sofa studying, papa is in his study, +the boys are hazing about; it snows a little and melts as it falls, and +so, with love to all, both great and small, I am your loving "ELDERLY +LADY WITH GREY PUFFS." + +_February 8th, 1870._--We are having a tremendous snow-storm for a +wonder. I started out this morning with G., and when we got to the Fifth +avenue clock he found he should be late unless he ran, and I was glad +to let him go and turn back to meet M., who had heavy books besides her +umbrella. The wind blew furiously, my umbrella broke and flew off in a +tangent, and when I got it, it turned wrong side out and I came near +ascending as in a balloon; M. soon came in sight and I convoyed her +safely to school. Mrs. ---- told a friend of ours that Mr. and Mrs. +Prentiss really _enjoyed_ Mrs. C----'s death, and they seemed destitute +of natural affection; and that as for Mrs. P. it was plain she had never +suffered in any way. Considering the tears we both shed over Mrs. C., +and some other little items in our past history, we must set Mrs. ---- +down as wiser than the ancients. + +_Sunday Evening._--Yesterday Lizzy B. came to say that her mother was +"in a gully" and wanted me to come and pull her out. I went and found +her greatly depressed, and felt sure it was all physical, and not a case +for special spiritual pulling. So I coaxed her, laughed at her, and +cheered her all I could. She said she had been "a solemn pig" for a +week, in allusion to some pictures Dr. P. had drawn for her and for me +illustrating the solemn pig and the jolly pig. Mr. Randolph has sent +up a letter from a man in Nice whose wife wants to translate Katy into +French. I sent word they might translate it into Hottentot for all me. +Good-night, my dear, I am sound asleep. + +Your affectionate Mother PRENTISS. + +_Tuesday._--On Sunday papa preached a sermon in behalf of the Mission, +asking for $35,000 to build a chapel, for which Mr. Cady had made a +plan. I got greatly stirred up, as I hope everybody did. Mr. Dodge will +give one-quarter of the sum needed. It is Washington's birthday, and the +children are all at home from school, and are at the dining-room table +drawing maps. Mr. and Mrs. G. called, but I was out seeing a poor woman, +whose romance of love and sorrow I should like to tell you about if it +would not fill a book. She says Bishop S. has supported her and her +three children for seven months out of his own pocket. + +_Saturday, Feb. 26th._--Your two last letters, together with Mrs. +Smith's, were all in the box as I was starting with M. for her music. My +children pulled in opposite directions, but I pushed on, and papa saved +the letters to read to me when I got back. He reads them awfully, and +will puzzle over a word long enough for me to have leisure to go crazy +and recover my sanity. However, nobody shall make fun of him save +myself; so look out. The boys have gone skating to-day for the third +time this winter, there has been so little cold weather. + +_Sunday Evening._--I did not mean to plague you with Stepping Heavenward +any more, but we have had a scene to-day which will amuse you and Mrs. +Smith. Just before service began, an aristocratic-looking lady seated in +front of Mrs. B. began to talk to her, whereupon Mrs. B. turned round +and announced to the congregation that I was the subject of it by +pointing me out, and then getting up and bringing her to our pew. Once +there, she seized me by the hand and said, "I am Mrs. ----. I have +just read your book and been carried away with it. I knew your husband +thirty-three years ago, and have come here to see you both," etc., etc. +Finding she could get nothing out of me, she fell upon M., and asked her +if I was her sister, which M. declared I was not. After church I invited +her to step into the parsonage, and she stepped in for an hour and told +this story: She had had the book lent her, and yesterday, lunching at +Mrs. A.'s, asked her if she had read it, and finding she had not, made +her promise to get it. She then asked who this E. Prentiss was, and a +lady present enlightened her. "What! my sister's beloved Miss Payson, +and married to George Prentiss, my old friend!! I'll go there to church +to-morrow and see for myself." So it turns out that she was a Miss ----, +of Mississippi; that your father gallanted her to Louisville, when she +was going there to be married at sixteen years of age; that she was +living in Richmond at the time I was teaching there, her sister boarding +in the house with me. Such talking, such life and enthusiasm you never +saw in a woman of forty-eight! "Well," she winds up at last, "I've found +two _treasures_, and you needn't think I'm going to let you go. I'll go +home and tell Mr. ---- all about it." Papa and I have called each other +"two treasures" ever since she went away. The whole scene worked him up +and did him good, for he always loves to have his Southern friends drum +him up and talk to him of your Uncle Seargent and Aunt Anna. Mr. ---- is +one of our millionaires, and she married him a year ago after thirteen +years of widowhood. She says she still has 200 "negroes," who won't +go away and won't work, and she has them to support. She talked very +rationally about the war, and says not a soul at the South would have +slavery back if they could.... I called at Mrs. B.'s yesterday--at +exactly the right moment, she said; for five surgeons had just decided +that the operation had been a failure, and that she must die. Her +husband looked as white as this paper, and the girls were in great +distress, but Mrs. B. looked perfectly radiant. + +_Saturday, March 5th._--Yesterday I went to make a ghostly call on Mrs. +B., and kept her and the girls screaming with laughter for an hour, +which did me lots of good, and I hope did not hurt them. I have written +the 403d page of my serial to-day, and hope it is the last. It will soon +be time to think of the spring shopping. I don't know what any of us +need, and never notice what people are wearing unless I notice by going +forth on a tour of observation. + +_Sunday Evening._--After church this afternoon Mrs. N. and Mrs. V. came +in to tell us about the death of that servant of theirs, whom they +nursed in their own house, who has been dying for seven months, of +cancer. She died a most fearless, happy death, and I wish I knew I +should be as patient in my last illness as they represent her as being. +Your letters to the children came yesterday afternoon to their great +delight. In an evil moment I told the boys that I had seen it stated, in +some paper, that _benzole_ would make paper transparent, and afterwards +evaporate and leave the paper uninjured. They drove me raving distracted +with questions about it, so that I had to be put in a strait-jacket. The +ingenuity and persistence of these questions, asked by each, in separate +interviews, was beyond description. + +_Tuesday._--For once I have been caught napping, and have not mailed my +weekly letter. But you will be expecting some irregularity about the +time of your flight to Berlin. I called at Mrs. M.'s to-day, and ran on +at such a rate that Mrs. Woolsey, who was there, gave me ten dollars for +poor folks, and said she wished I'd stay all day. Afterwards I went down +town to get Stepping Heavenward for Mr. C., and as he wanted me to write +something in it, have just written this: "Mr. C. from Mrs. Prentiss, +in loving memory of one who 'did outrun' us, and stepped into heaven +first." Mr. Bates showed me a half-column notice of it in the Liberal +Christian, [3] of all places! by very far the warmest and best of all +that have appeared. Papa is at Dr. McClintock's funeral. I declare, if +it isn't snowing again, and the sun is shining! Now comes a letter from +Uncle Charles, saying that your Uncle H. has lost that splendid little +girl of his; the only girl he ever had, and the child of his heart of +hearts. Mrs. W. says she never saw papa and myself look so well, but +some gentleman told Mr. Brace, who told his wife, who told me, that I +was killing myself with long walks. I can not answer your questions +about Mr. ----'s call. So much is all the time going on that one event +speedily effaces the impression of another. + +_March 12th._--Julia Willis spent the evening here not long ago, and +made me laugh well. She took me on Friday to see Fanny Fern, who hugged +and kissed me, and whom it was rather pleasant to see after nearly, if +not quite, thirty years' separation. She says nobody but a Payson could +have written Stepping Heavenward, which is absurd. _March 17th._--I went +to the sewing circle [4] and helped tuck a quilt, had a talk with Mrs. +W., got home at a quarter of one and ate two apples, and have been since +then reading the secret correspondence of Madame Guyon and Fenelon in +old French. + +_Saturday, 19th._--Have just seen M. to the Conservatory; met Dr. +Skinner on the way home, who said he had been reading Stepping +Heavenward, and he hoped he should step all the faster for it. Z. has +often invited us to come to see her new home, and as the 16th comes on +a Saturday, we are talking a little of all going up to lunch with her. +_Evening_.--It has been such a nice warm day. I had a pleasant call from +Mrs. Dr. ----. She asked me if I did not get the theology of Stepping +Heavenward out of my father's "Thoughts," but as I have not read them +for thirty years, I doubt if I did, and as I am older than my father was +when he uttered those thoughts, I have a right to a theology of my own. + +_Monday._--Yesterday, in the afternoon, we had the Sunday-school +anniversary, which went off very well. Mr. C. came to tea; after it and +prayers, we sat round the table and I read scraps from Madame Guyon +and Fenelon, and we talked them over. Papa was greatly pleased at the +latter's saying he often stopped in the midst of his devotions to play. + +Quand je suis seul, je joue quelquefois comme un petit enfant, meme en +faisant oraison. Il m'arrive quelquefois de sauter et de rire tout seul +comme un fou dans ma chambre. Avant-hier, etant dans la sacristie +et repondant a une personne qui me questionnait, pour ne la point +scandaliser sur la question, je m'embarrassai, et je fis une espece de +mensonge; cela me donna quelque repugnance a dire la Messe, mais je ne +laissai pas de la dire. + +I do not advise _you_ to stop to play in the midst of your prayers, or +to tell "une espece de mensonge!" till you are as much of a saint as he +was. [5] + +_Saturday, 26th._--Your letter and Mrs. Smith's came together this +afternoon. It is pleasant to hear from papa's old friends at Halle, and +he will be delighted, when he comes home from Chi Alpha, where he is +now. Lizzy B. called this afternoon; she wanted to open out her poor +sick heart to me. She quoted to me several things she says I wrote her a +few weeks ago, but I have not the faintest recollection of writing them. +That shows what a harum-scarum life I lead. + +_March 31st._--We spent Tuesday evening at the Skinners. We had a +charming visit; no one there but Mrs. Sampson and her sister, and Dr. S. +wide awake and full of enthusiasm. We did not get to bed till midnight. +Mrs. ---- came this morning and begged me to lend her some money, as she +had got behindhand. I let her have five dollars, though I do not feel +sure that I shall see it again, and she wept a little weep, and went +away. A lady told cousin C. she had heard I was so shy that once having +promised to go to a lunch party, my courage failed at the last moment, +so that I could not go. I shall expect to learn next that my hair is +red. + +_Monday, April 4th._--Your presents came Saturday while I was out. We +are all delighted with them, but I was most so, for two such darling +little vases were surely never before seen. M. had Maggie to spend +Saturday afternoon and take tea. She asked me if I did not make a +distinction between talent and genius, which papa thought very smart of +her. I read aloud to them all the evening one of the German stories by +Julius Horn. Mr. and Mrs. C. came in after church and I asked them to +stay to tea, which they did. After it was over, and we had had prayers, +we had a little sing, Mrs. C. playing, and among other things, sang a +little hymn of mine which I wrote I know not when, but which papa liked +well enough to have printed. If copies come to-day, as promised, I will +enclose one or two. After the singing papa and I took turns, as we could +snatch a chance from each other, in reading to them from favorite books, +which they enjoyed very much. + +_April 9th._--We called on Mrs. H. M. Field yesterday, and I never saw +(or rather heard) her so brilliant. In the evening I read aloud to the +children a real live, wide-awake Sunday-school book, called "Old Stories +in a New Dress"; Bible stories, headed thus: "The Handsome Rebel," "The +Young Volunteer," "The Ingenious Mechanics." + +_April 16th._--I can not go to bed, my dear chicken, till I have told +you what a charming day we have had. To go back to yesterday, my +headache entirely disappeared by the time the Skinners got here, and we +had a pleasant cosy evening with them, and at the end made Dr. Skinner +pray over us.... Everything went off nicely. The children enjoyed the +trip tremendously, and hated to come away. We picked a lot of "filles +avant la mere" and they came home in good condition. Mr. Woolsey and Z. +gave me a little silver figure holding a cup, on blue velvet, which +is ever so pretty. We got home at half-past six. Later in the evening +President Hopkins called to offer his congratulations. And now I am +tired, I can tell you. It is outrageous for you and the Smiths to be +away; I don't see how you can have the heart. You ought to come by +dispatch as telegrams. + +_17th._--Dr. Hopkins preached a splendid sermon [6] for us this morning, +and came in after it for a call. He asked me last night if I felt +conceited about my book; so I said to him, "I like to give people as +good as they send--don't you feel a little conceited after that sermon?" +on which he gave me a good shaking. + +_18th._--I have been writing notes of thanksgiving, each of which dear +papa reads through rose-colored spectacles and says, "You do beat all!" +I have enjoyed writing them, instead of finding it a bore. We shall be +curious to hear how you celebrated our wedding-day. Well, good-bye, old +child. I shall begin another letter to-day, as like as not. + +_Monday, April 25th._--Friday morning, in the midst of my plans for +helping Aunt E. shop, came a message from Mrs. B. that she wanted to see +me. I had not expected to see her again, and of course was glad to go. +She had altered so that I should not have known her, and it was hard to +hear what she had to say, she is so feeble. She went back to the first +time she saw me, told me what I had on, and how her heart was knitted to +me. She then spoke of her approaching death; said she had no ecstasies, +no revelations, but had been in perfect peace, suffering agonies of +pain, yet not one pain too many. I asked her if she had any parting +counsel to give me. "No, not a word; I only wanted to see your sunny +face once more, and tell you what a comfort you have been to me in this +sickness." This all came at intervals, she was so weak. She afterward +said, "I feel as if I never was acquainted with Christ till now. I tell +my sons to become INTIMATELY ACQUAINTED with Him." I asked her if she +took pleasure in thinking of meeting friends in heaven. With a sweet, +somewhat comical smile, she said, "No, I haven't got so far as that. I +think only of meeting Christ." "For all that," I said, "you will soon +see my father and mother and other kindred souls." Her face lighted up +again. "Why, so I shall!" Her lips were growing white with pain while +this bright smile was on them, and I came away, though I should gladly +have listened to her by the hour, everything was so natural, sound, +and-heavenly. Shopping after it did not prove particularly congenial; +but we must shop, as well as die. + +_April 29th._--Your first Dresden letter has just come; yes, it was long +enough, though you did not tell us how the cat did. You speak as if you +were going to Paris, but papa is positive you are not. Yesterday was a +lovely day, though very hot. Dr. Adams came and drove papa to the Park. +Late in the afternoon I went to see Mrs. G., the woman whose husband +is in jail. She is usually all in a muss, but this time was as nice as +could be, the floor clean and everything in order. The baby, a year old, +had learned to walk since I was last there, and came and planted herself +in front of me, and stared at me out of two great bright eyes most of +the time. I had a nice visit, as Mrs. G. seems to be making a good use +of her troubles. After I got home, Dr. and Mrs. C. arrived and we had +dinner and a tremendous thunder shower, after which he went out to make +forty-'leven calls. He was pleased to say that he wanted his wife to see +the lovely family picture we make! It is a glum, cold, lowering morning, +but the C.'s are going to see the Frenches at West Point, and Miss Lyman +at Vassar. + +_Monday._--I went to Miss C.'s (the dressmaker) again to-day, and found +her much out of health, and about reducing her business and moving. One +of the old sisters had been reading Stepping Heavenward, and almost ate +me up. I got a pleasant word about it last night, from Mrs. General +Upton, who has just died at Nassau. I have seen Mrs. B. to-day; she did +not open her eyes, but besought me to pray for her release. She can't +last long. The boys are off rolling hoop again, and M. is out walking +with Ida. Papa informed me last night that I had got a very pretty +bonnet. The bonnets now consist of a little fuss and a good many +flowers. Papa has gone to Dorset, and has had a splendid day for his +journey. + +_Thursday, May 12th._--Yesterday Miss ---- came to tell me about the +killing of her brother on the railroad, and to cry her very heart out on +my shoulder. In the midst of it came a note from Lizzy B., saying her +mother had just dropped away. I called there early this morning. We then +went to the Park with your uncle and aunt; after which they left and I +rushed out to get cap and collar to wear at Mrs. ----'s dinner. I got +back in time to go to the funeral at four P.M. Dr. Murray made an +excellent, appreciative address; papa then read extracts from a paper of +mine (things she had said), the prayer followed, and then her sons sang +a hymn. [7] I came home tired and laid me down to rest; at half-past six +it popped into my head that I was not dressed, and I did it speedily. We +supposed we were only to meet the Rev. Dr. and Mrs. ----, of Brooklyn, +but, lo! a lot of people in full dress. We had a regular state dinner, +course after course. Dr. ---- sat next me and made himself very +agreeable, except when he said I was the most subtle satirist he ever +met (I did run him a little). Mrs. ---- is a picture. She had a way of +looking at me through her eyeglass till she put me out of countenance, +and then smiling in a sweet, satisfied manner, and laying down her +glass. We came home as soon as the gentlemen left the table, and got +here just as the clock was striking twelve. + +_Friday._--We began this day by going at ten A.M. to the funeral of Mrs. +W.'s poor little baby, and the first words papa read, "It is better +to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting," etc., +explained his and my state of mind after last night's dissipation. He +made a very touching address. Later in the day we went out to see Miss +----, as we had promised to do. We went through the Park, lingered there +a while, and then went on and made a long call. When we rose to come +away, she said she never let people go away without lunch and made us +go down to the following: buns, three kinds of cake, pies, doughnuts, +cheese, lemonade, apples, oranges, pine-apples, a soup tureen of +strawberries, a quart of cream, two custard puddings, one hot and one +cold, home-made wine, cold corned beef, cold roast beef, and for aught I +know 40 other things. We came away awfully tired, and papa complained of +want of appetite at dinner!! Good-bye, dearie. I forgot to tell you the +boys have got a dog. He came of his own accord and has made them very +happy. We haven't let papa see him, you may depend. + +_Wed., May 18th._--Papa is packing his trunk for Philadelphia, and I am +sitting at my new library table to write on my letter. I went yesterday +to see that lady who has fits. She had one in the morning that lasted +over an hour and a half. She is a very bright, animated creature and +does not look older than you. + +_Thursday._--Papa got off yesterday at eleven for the General Assembly +and I went to Mrs. D.'s and stayed four hours. She sent for Mr. S.'s +baby, who does not creep, but walks in the quaintest little way. I shall +write a note to Mr. S., who feels anxious at its not creeping, fearing +its limbs will not be strong, to tell him that I hitched along exactly +so. + +Now let me give you the history of this busy day. We got up early and +Miss F. called with M.'s two dresses. After prayers and breakfast I +wrote to papa, went to school with H., and marketed. Came home and found +a letter from Cincinnati, urging for two hymns right away for a new +hymn-book. They had several of mine already. I said, "Go to, let us make +a hymn" (Prof. Smith in his Review) and made and sent them. Then I wrote +to Mr. S. and to Mrs. Charles W----. [8] Then Mrs. C. came and stayed +till nearly four, when she left and I went down to Twenty-second street +to call on a lady at the Water Cure. Then I went to see Mrs. C. (the +wife of the Rev. Mr. C.). I think I told you she had lost her little +Florence. I do not remember ever seeing a person so broken down by +grief; she seemed absolutely heart-broken. I could not get away till +five, and then I took two stages and got home as soon as I could, +knowing the children would be famishing. So now count up my various +professions, chaplain, marketer, hymnist, consoler of Mr. S., Mrs. W., +Mrs. C., and let me add, of Dr. B., who came and made a long call. I am +now going to lie down and read till I get rested, for my brain has been +on the steady stretch for thirteen hours, one thing stepping on the +heels of another. [9] + +_May 23d._--If your eyes were bright enough you might have seen me and +my cousin George P---- tearing down Broadway this afternoon, as if mad +dogs were after us. He wanted me to have a fountain pen, and the only +way to accomplish it was to take me down to the place where they are +sold, below the Astor House. I wanted to walk, and so did he, but he had +got to be on a boat for Norwich at five P.M. and pack up between while; +however, he concluded to risk it, hence the way we raced was a caution. +I have just written him a long letter in rhyme with my new pen, and now +begin one in prose to you. I have just got a letter from an anonymous +admirer of Stepping Heavenward, enclosing ten dollars to give away; I +wish it was a thousand! The children are in tribulation about their +kitten, who committed suicide by knocking the ironing-board on to +herself. H. made a diagram of the position of the board that I might +fully comprehend the situation, and then showed me how the corpse lay. +They were not willing to part with the remains, and buried them in the +yard. + +_Saturday._--I went to Yonkers with M. and H. to spend the day with Mrs. +B. Her children are sweet and interesting as ever; but little Maggie, +now three years old, is the "queen of the house." She is a perfect +specimen of what a child should be--gladsome, well, bright, and +engaging. Her cheeks are rosy and shining, and she keeps up an incessant +chatter. They are all wild about her, from papa and mamma down to the +youngest child. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Home-Life in Dorset. + + +DORSET, June 10, 1870. + +Here we are again in dear old Dorset. We got here about ten on Wednesday +evening, expecting to find the house dark and forlorn, but Mrs. F. +had been down and lighted it up, and put on the dining-table bread, +biscuits, butter, cakes, eggs, etc., enough to last for days. Thursday +was hotter than any day we had had in New York, and not very good, +therefore, for the hard work of unpacking, and the yet harder work of +sowing our flower-seeds in a huge bed shaped like a palm-leaf. But, with +M.'s help, it was done before one o'clock to-day--a herculean task, as +the ground had to be thoroughly dug up with a trowel; stones, sticks, +and roots got out, and the earth sifted in our hands. The back of my +neck and my ears are nearly blistered. M. is standing behind me now +anointing me with cocoa butter. Our place looks beautifully. Some of the +trees set out are twelve or fifteen feet high, and when fully leaved +will make quite a show. Papa is to be here about ten days, as he greatly +needs the rest; he will then go home till July 1st, when he will bring +Jane and Martha. I told Martha I thought it very good of Maria to be +willing to come with me, and she said she did not think it needed much +goodness, and that _anybody_ would go with me _any_where. The boys have +a little black and tan dog which Culyer gave them, and M.'s bird is a +fine singer. Our family circle now consists of + + Pa Prentiss, + Ma " + Min." + Geo. " + Hen. " + Maria " + (horse) Coco " + (cow) Sukey " + (dog) Nep " + (bird) Cherry " + +We never saw Dorset so early, and when the foliage was in such +perfection. + +Last Tuesday I reached our door perfectly and disgracefully loaded with +parcels, and said to myself, "I wonder what Mr. M. would say if he saw +me with this load?" when instantly he opened the door to let me in! +Account for this if you can. Why should I have thought of him among all +the people I know? Did his mind touch mine through the closed door? It +makes me almost shudder to think such things can be. Well, I must love +and leave you. I am going to have a small basket on the table in the +hall with ferns, mosses, and shells in it. They all send love from Pa +Prentiss down to Sukey. What a pity you could not come home for the +summer and go back again! I believe I'll go to your bedroom door and +say, "I wonder whether Annie would shriek out if she saw me in this old +sacque, instead of her pretty one?" and perhaps you'll open and let me +in. Will you or won't you? Now I'm going to ride. + +I've been and I've got back, and I'm frozen solid, and am glad I've +got back to my den. G. and H. are now in the kitchen making biscuits. +Good-bye, chicken. Mamma PRENTISS. + +_June 12th._--Everybody is in bed save Darby and Joan. We slept last +night under four blankets and a silk comforter, which will give you a +faint idea of the weather. It has been beautiful to-day, and we have sat +out of doors a good deal. Papa and the boys went out to our hill after +tea last evening and picked two quarts of strawberries, so as to have +a short-cake to-day. M. took me yesterday to see a nest in the orchard +which was full of birds parted into fours--not a crack between, and one +of them so crowded that it filled about no space at all. The hymn says, +"Birds in their little nests agree," and I should think they would, for +they have no room to disagree in. They all four stared at us with awful, +almost embarrassing solemnity, and each had a little yellow moustache. I +had no idea they lived packed in so--no wonder they looked melancholy. +The sight of them, especially of the one who had no room at all, made me +quite low-spirited. + +_Wednesday._--Your letter reached us on Monday, and we all went out and +sat in a row on the upper step, like birds on a telegraph wire, and papa +read it aloud. I am lying by to-day--writing, reading, lounging, and +enjoying the scenery. You ought to see papa eat strawberries!!! They are +very plentiful on our hill. The grass on the lawn is pricking up like +needles; easy to see if you kneel down and stare hard, but absolutely +invisible otherwise; yet papa keeps calling me to look out of the window +and admire it, and shouts to people driving by to do the same. He has +just come in, and I told him what I was saying about him, on which he +gave me a good beating, doubled up his fist at me, and then kissed me to +make up.... _Don't sew_ Isn't it enough that I have nearly killed myself +with doing it? We have just heard of the death of Dickens and the +sensation it is making in England. + +_Thursday._--This bird of ours is splendid. I have just framed the two +best likenesses of you and hung them up in front of my table. You would +laugh at papa's ways about coffee. He complains that he drank too much +at Philadelphia, and says that with strawberries we don't need it, and +that I may tell Maria so. I tell her, and lo! the next morning there it +is. I ask the meaning, and she says he came down saying I did not feel +very well and needed it! The next day it appears again. Why? He had been +down and ordered it because it was _good_. The next day he orders it +because it is his last day here but one, and to-morrow it will be on the +table because it is the last! Dreadful man! and yet I hate to have him +go. + +_Friday._--I drove papa to Manchester, and as usual, this exploit +brought on a thunder shower, with a much needed deluge of rain. I had +a hard time getting home, and got wet to the skin. I had not only to +drive, but keep a roll of matting from slipping out, hold up the boot +and the umbrella, and keep stopping to get my hat out of my eyes, which +kept knocking over them. Then Coco goes like the wind this summer. +Fortunately I had my waterproof with me and got home safely. The worst +of it is that, in my bewilderment, I refused to let a woman get in who +was walking to South Dorset. I shall die of remorse.. Well, well, how it +is raining, to be sure. + +_Monday._--I hear that papa sent a dispatch to somebody to know how I +got here from Manchester. I do not wonder he is worried. I am such a +poor driver, and it rained so dreadfully. M. follows me round like a +little dog; if I go down cellar she goes down; if I pick a strawberry +she picks one; if I stop picking she stops. She is the sweetest lamb +that ever was, and I am the Mary that's got her. I don't believe anybody +else in the world loves me so well, unless it possibly is papa, and he +doesn't follow me down cellar, and goes off and picks strawberries all +by himself, and that on Sunday, too, when I had forbidden berrypicking! +We are rioting in strawberries, just as we did last summer. We live a +good deal at sixes and sevens, but nobody cares. This afternoon I have +been arranging a basket for the hall table, with mosses, ferns, shells +and white coral; ever so pretty. + +_Wednesday._--It is a splendid day and I expect papa. The children have +not said a word about their food, though partly owing to no butcher and +partly to the heat, I have had for two days next to nothing; picked fish +one day and fish picked the next. We regarded to-day's dinner as a most +sumptuous one, and I am sure Victoria's won't taste so good to her. +Letters keep pouring in, urging papa to accept the Professorship at +Chicago, and declaring the vote of the Assembly to be the voice of God. +Of course, if he must accept, we should have to give up our dear little +home here. But to me his leaving the ministry would be the worst +thing about it. After dinner the boys carried me off bodily to see +strawberries and other plants; then they made me go to the mill, and by +that time I had no hair-pins on my head, to say nothing of hair. The +boys are working away like all possessed. A little bird, probably one +of those hatched here, has just come and perched himself on the +piazza, railing in front of me, and is making me an address which, +unfortunately, I do not understand.... You have inherited from me a want +of reverence for relics and the like. I wouldn't go as far as our barn +to see the fig-leaves Adam and Eve wore, or all the hair of all the +apostles; and when people are not born hero-worshippers, they can't +even worship themselves as heroes. Fancy Dr. Schaff sending me back the +MS. of a hymn I gave him, from a London printing-office! What could I do +with it? cover jelly with it? He sent me a beautiful copy of his book, +"Christ in Song." + +_Thursday, June 30th._--Papa, with J. and M., came late last night, and +we all made as great a time as if the Great Mogul had come. They give +a most terrific account of the heat in the city. You ask how Stepping +Heavenward is selling. So far 14,000. Nidworth has been a complete +failure, though the publishers write me that it is a "gem." [10] + +_Monday, July 4th._--M. is so absorbed in the study of Vick's floral +catalogue that she speaks of seeing such a thing in the Bible or +Dictionary, when she means that she saw it in Vick. I did the same thing +last night. She and I get down on our knees and look solemnly at the +bare ground and point out up-springing weeds as better than nothing. I +had a long call this morning from Mrs. F. Field, of East Dorset. They +had a dear little bright-eyed baby baptized yesterday, which sat through +all the morning service and behaved even better than I did, for it had +no wandering thoughts. Mrs. F. said some friends of hers in Brooklyn +received letters from France and from Japan simultaneously, urging them +to read Stepping Heavenward, which was the first they heard of it. We +have celebrated the glorious Fourth by making and eating ice-cream. +Papa brought a new-fashioned freezer, that professed to freeze in two +minutes. We screwed it to the wood-house floor--or rather H. did--put in +the cream, and the whole family stood and watched papa while he turned +the handle. At the end of two minutes we unscrewed the cover and gazed +inside, but there were no signs of freezing, and to make a long story +short, instead of writing a book as I said I should, there we all were +from half-past twelve to nearly two o'clock, when we decided to have +dinner and leave the servants to finish it. It came on to the table at +last, was very rich and rather good. The boys spent the afternoon in the +woods firing off crackers. M. went visiting and papa took me to drive, +it being a delightful afternoon. The boys have a few Roman candles which +they are going to send off as soon as it gets dark enough. + +_July 13th._--This is a real Dorset day, after a most refreshing rain, +and M. and I have kept out of doors the whole morning, gardening and in +the woods. Dr. and Mrs. Humphrey came down and spent last evening. She +is bright and wide awake, and admired everything from the scenery out of +doors to the matting and chintzes within. I told her there was nothing +in the house to be compared with those who lived in it. Here comes a +woman with four quarts of black raspberries and a fuss to make change. +Papa and the boys are getting in the last hay with Albert. M. has just +brought in your letter. We are glad you have seen those remarkable +scenes [at Ober-Ammergau].One would fancy it would become an old story. +I should not like to see the crucifixion; it must be enough to turn +one's hair white in a single night. + +_Saturday._--Yesterday I went with the children to walk round Rupert. We +turned off the road to please the boys, to a brook with a sandy beach, +where all three fell to digging wells, and I fell to collecting wild +grape-vine and roots for my rustic work, and fell into the brook +besides. We all enjoyed ourselves so much that we wished we had our +dinners and could stay all day. On the way home, just as we got near +Col. Sykes', we spied papa with the phaeton, and all got in. We must +have cut a pretty figure, driving through the village; M. in my lap, G. +in papa's, and H. everywhere in general. + +_July 14th._--Miss Vance was in last evening after tea, and says our +lawn is getting on extremely well and that our seeds are coming up +beautifully. This greatly soothed M.'s and my own uneasy heart, as we +had rather supposed the lawn ought to be a thick velvet, and the seeds +we sowed two weeks ago up and blooming. If vegetable corresponded to +animal life, this would be the case. Fancy that what were eggs long +after we came here, and then naked birds, are now full-fledged creatures +on the wing, all off getting to housekeeping, each on his own hook! + +_July 18th._--M. and I went on a tramp this forenoon and while we were +gone Mrs. M. O. R. and Mary and Mrs. Van W. called. They brought news of +the coming war. Papa showed them all over the house, not excepting your +room, which I think a perfect shame--for the room looks forlorn. I think +men ought to be suppressed, or something done to them. Maria told me +she thought papa's sermon Sunday was "ilegant." _21st._--I feel greatly +troubled lest this dreadful war should cut us off from each other. Mr. +Butler writes that he does not see how people are to get home, and we +do not see either. Papa says it will probably be impossible to have the +Evangelical Alliance. And how prices of finery will go up! + +_July 27th._--M.'s and my own perseverance at our flower-bed is +beginning, at last, to be rewarded. We have portulaccas, mignonette, +white candy-tuft, nasturtiums, eutocas, etc.; and the morning-glories, +which are all behindhand, are just beginning to bloom. Never were +flowers so fought for. It is the lion and the unicorn over again. I have +nearly finished "Soll und Haben," and feel more like talking German than +English. The Riverside Magazine has just come and completed my downfall, +as it has a syllable left out of one of my verses, as has been the case +with a hymn in the hymn-book at Cincinnati and one in the Association +Monthly. I am now fairly entitled to the reputation of being a jolty +rhymster. It has been a trifle cooler to-day and we are all refreshed by +the change. + +_Friday._--Papa read me last evening a nice thing about Stepping +Heavenward from Dr. Robinson in Paris and a lady in Zurich, and I went +to bed and slept the sleep of the just--till daylight, when five hundred +flies began to flap into my ears, up my nose, take nips off my face and +hands, and drove me distracted. They woke papa, too, but he goes to +sleep between the pecks. + +_August 4th._--Tuesday I went on a tramp with M. and brought home a +gigantic bracket. We met papa as we neared the house, and he had had his +first bath in his new tank at the mill, and was wild with joy, as were +also the boys. After dinner I made a picture frame of mosses, lichens, +and red and yellow toadstools, ever so pretty; then proofs came, then we +had tea, and then went and made calls. Yesterday on a tramp with M., +who wanted mosses, then home with about a bushel of ground-pine. Every +minute of the afternoon I spent in trimming the grey room with the pine +and getting up my bracket, and now the room looks like a bower of bliss. +I was to go with M. on another tramp to-day, but it rains, and rain is +greatly needed. The heat in New York is said to exceed anything in the +memory of man, something absolutely appalling. + +_Friday._--Here I am on the piazza with Miss K. by my side, reading the +Life of Faber. She got here last night in a beautiful moonlight, and as +I had not told her about the scenery, she was so enchanted with it on +opening her blinds this morning, that she burst into tears. I drove her +round Rupert and took her into Cheney's woods, and the boys invited us +down to their workshop; so we went, and I was astonished to find that +the bath-house is really a perfect affair, with two dressing-rooms and +everything as neat as a pink. Miss K. is charmed with everything, the +cornucopias, natural brackets, crosses, etc., and her delusion as to all +of us, whom she fancies saints and angels, is quite charming, only it +won't last. + +_13th._--There is a good deal of sickness about the village. I made +wine-jelly for four different people yesterday, and the rest of the +morning Miss K., Mrs. Humphrey, and myself sat on a shawl in our woods, +talking. We have had a tremendous rain, to our great delight, and the +air is cooler, but the grasshoppers, which are like the frogs of Egypt, +are not diminished, and are devouring everything. I got a letter from +cousin Mary yesterday, who says she has no doubt we shall get the ocean +up here, somehow, and raise our own oysters and clams. + +_16th._--Papa and I went to Manchester to-day to make up a lot of calls, +and among other persons, we saw Mrs. C. of Troy, a bright-eyed old lady +who was a schoolmate of my mother's. She could not tell me anything +about her except that she was very bright and animated, and that I knew +before. Mrs. Wickham asked me to write some letters for a fair to be +held for their church to-morrow; so I wrote three in rhyme, not very +good. + +_August 20th._--After dinner papa went to Manchester, taking both boys, +and I went off with M. to Cheney's woods, where we got baskets full +of moss, etc., and had a good time. The children are all wild on the +subject of flowers and spend the evening studying the catalogues, which +they ought to know by heart. I wonder if I have told you how our dog +hates to remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy? The moment the +church-bell begins to ring, no matter where he is, or how soundly +asleep, he runs out and gazes in the direction of the church, and as the +last stroke strikes, lifts his nose high in the air and sets up the most +awful wails, howls, groans, despairing remonstrances you can imagine. No +games with the boys to-day--no romps, no going to Manchester, everybody +telling me to get off their Sunday clothes--aow! aow! aow! + +Dr. Adams' house has been broken into and robbed, and so has Dr. +Field's. Mrs. H. gave us the history of a conflict in Chicago between +her husband and a desperate burglar armed with a dirk, who wanted, but +did not get a large sum of money under his pillow; also, of his being +garroted and robbed, and having next day sent him a purse of $150, two +pistols, a slug, a loaded cane, and a watchman's rattle. Imagine him as +going about loaded with all these things! I never knew people who had +met with such bewitching adventures, and she has the brightest way of +telling them. + +Papa has got a telegram from Dr. Schaff asking him to come on to his +little Johnny's funeral. This death must have been very sudden, as Dr. +Schaff wrote last Tuesday that his wife was sick, but said nothing of +Johnny. He is the youngest boy, about nine years old, I think, and you +will remember they lost Philip, a beautiful child, born the same day as +our G., the summer we were at Hunter. When the despatch came papa and M. +thought it was bad news about you, and I only thought of Mr. Stearns! +There is no accounting for the way in which the human mind works. And +now for bed, you sleepy head. + +_Monday._--A splendid day, and we have all been as busy as bees, if +not as useful,--H. making a whip to chastise the cow with, M., Nep and +myself collecting mosses and toadstools; of the latter I brought home +185! We were out till dinner-time, and after dinner I changed the +mosses in my baskets and jardinet, no small job, and M. spread out her +treasures. She has at last found her enthusiasm, and I am so glad not +only to have found a mate in my tramps, but to see such a source of +pleasure opening before her as woods, fields and gardens have always +been to me. We lighted this morning on what I supposed to be a +horned-headed, ferocious snake, and therefore took great pleasure in +killing. It turned out to be a common striped snake that had got a frog +partly swallowed, and its legs sticking out so that I took them to be +horns. Nep relieved his mind by barking at it. I announced at dinner +that I was going to send for Vick's catalogue of bulbs, which news was +received with acclamation. The fact is, we all seem to be born farmers +or florists; and unless you bring us home something in the agricultural +line, I don't know that you can bring us anything we would condescend to +look at. It is awful to read of the carnage going on in Europe. + +_Aug. 27th._--Papa got home Tuesday night. Johnny Schaff's death was +from a fall; he left the house full of life and health, and in a few +minutes was brought in insensible, and only lived half an hour.... I +take no pleasure in writing you, because we feel that you are not likely +to get my letters. Still, I can not make up my mind to stop writing. +Never was a busier set of people than we. In the evening I read to the +children from the German books you sent them; am now on Thelka Von +Grumpert's, which is a really nice book. I tell papa we are making an +idol out of this place, but he says we are not. + +_Tuesday._--We all set out to climb the mountain near Deacon Kellogg's. +We snatched what we could for our dinner, and when we were ready to eat +it, it proved to be eggs, bread and meat, cake, guava jelly, cider and +water. We enjoyed the splendid view and the dinner, and then papa and +the boys went home, and M., Nep and myself proceeded to climb higher, +Nep so affectionate that he tired me out hugging me with his "arms," +as H. calls them, and nearly eating me up, while M. was shaking with +laughter at his silly ways. We were gone from 10 A.M. to nearly 6 P.M., +and brought home in baskets, bags, pockets and bosom, about thirty +natural brackets, some very large and fearfully heavy. One was so heavy +that I brought it home by kicking it down the mountain. I have just got +some flower seeds for fall planting, and the children are looking them +over as some would gems from the mine. + +_Thursday, September 1st._--Your letter has come, and we judge that +you have quite given up Paris; what a pity to have to do it! We spent +yesterday at Hager brook with Mrs. Humphrey and her daughters; papa +drove us over in the straw wagon and came for us about 6 P.M. We had +lobster salad and marmalade, bread and butter and cake, and we roasted +potatoes and corn, and the H.'s had a pie and things of that sort. When +they saw the salad they set up such shouts of joy that papa came to see +what was the matter. We had a nice time. Today I have had proofs to +correct and letters to write, and berries to dry, but not a minute to +sit down and think, everybody needing me at once. All are busy as bees +and send lots of love. Give ever so much to the Smiths. + +_September 8th._--Here we are all sitting round the parlor table. The +last three days have each brought a letter from you, and to-day one came +from Mrs. S. to me, and one from Prof. S. to papa. I have no doubt that +the decision for you to return is a wise one and hope you will fall in +with it cheerfully. Dr. Schaff is here, and yesterday papa took him +to Hager brook, and to-day to the quarries; splendid weather for both +excursions, and Dr. S. seems to have enjoyed them extremely. Last +evening he read to us some private letters of Bismarck, which were very +interesting and did him great credit in every way. I had a long call +from M. H. to-day; she looked as sweet as possible and I loaded her with +flowers. Papa is writing Mr. B. to thank him for a basket of splendid +peaches he sent us to-day. H. has just presented me with three pockets +full of toadstools. M. walked with me round Rupert square this +afternoon, and we met a crazy woman who said she wondered I did not go +into fits, and asked me why I didn't. In return I asked her where she +lived, to which she replied, "In the world." We are all on the _qui +vive_ about the war news, especially Louis Napoleon's downfall, and +you may depend we are glad he has used himself up. You can not bring +anything to the children that will please them as seeds would. It +delights me to see them so interested in garden work. Perhaps this will +be my last letter. + +Your loving Mammie. + + + * * * * * + +III. + +Further Glimpses of her Dorset Life. + + +The following Recollections of Mrs. Prentiss by her friend, Mrs. +Frederick Field, now of San Jose, California, afford additional glimpses +of her home life in Dorset. The picture is drawn in fair colors; but it +is as truthful as it is fair: + +It was the first Sunday in September, 1866. A quiet, perfect day among +the green hills of Vermont; a sacramental Sabbath, and we had come seven +miles over the mountain to go up to the house of the Lord. I had brought +my little two-months-old baby in my arms, intending to leave her during +the service at our brother's home, which was near the church. I knew +that Mrs. Prentiss was a "summer-boarder" in this home, that she was +the wife of a distinguished clergyman, and a literary woman of decided +ability; but it was before the "Stepping Heavenward" epoch of her life, +and I had no very deep interest in the prospect of meeting her. We went +in at the hospitably open door, and meeting no one, sat down in the +pleasant family living-room. It was about noon, and we could hear +cheerful voices talking over the lunch-table in the dining-room. +Presently the door opened, and a slight, delicate-featured woman, with +beautiful large dark eyes, came with rapid step into the room, going +across to the hall door; but her quick eye caught a glimpse of my little +"bundle of flannel," and not pausing for an introduction or word +of preparatory speech, she came towards me with a beaming face and +outstretched hands:-- + +"O, have you a baby there? How delightful! I haven't seen one for such +an age,--please, may I take it? the darling tiny creature!--a girl? How +lovely!" + +She took the baby tenderly in her arms and went on in her eager, quick, +informal way, but with a bright little blush and smile,--"I'm not very +polite--pray, let me introduce myself! I'm Mrs. Prentiss, and you are +Mrs. F---, I know." + +After a little more sweet, motherly comment and question over the +baby,--"a touch of nature" which at once made us "akin," she asked, +"Have you brought the baby to be christened?" + +I said, No, I thought it would be better to wait till she was a little +older. + +"O, no!" she pleaded, "do let us take her over to the church now. The +younger the better, I think; it is so uncertain about our keeping such +treasures." + +I still objected that I had not dressed the little one for so public an +occasion. + +"O, never mind about that," she said. "She is really lovelier in this +simple fashion than to be loaded with lace and embroidery." Then, her +sweet face growing more earnest,--"There will be more of us here to-day +than at the next communion--_more of us to pray for her._" + +The little lamb was taken into the fold that day, and I was Mrs. +Prentiss' warm friend forevermore. Her whole beautiful character had +revealed itself to me in that little interview,--the quick perception, +the wholly frank, unconventional manner, the sweet motherliness, the +cordial interest in even a stranger, the fervent piety which could not +bear delay in duty, and even the quaint, original, forcible thought +and way of expressing it, "There'll be more of us here to pray for her +to-day." + +For seven successive summers I saw more or less of her in this "Earthly +Paradise," as she used to call it, and once I visited her in her city +home. I have been favored with many of her sparkling, vivacious letters, +and have read and re-read all her published writings; but that first +meeting held in it for me the key-note of all her wonderfully beautiful +and symmetrical character. + +She brought to that little hamlet among the hills a sweet and wholesome +and powerful influence. While her time was too valuable to be wasted +in a general sociability, she yet found leisure for an extensive +acquaintance, for a kindly interest in all her neighbors, and for +Christian work of many kinds. Probably the weekly meeting for +Bible-reading and prayer, which she conducted, was her closest link with +the women of Dorset; but these meetings were established after I had +bidden good-bye to the dear old town, and I leave others to tell how +their "hearts burned within them as she opened to them the Scriptures." + +She had in a remarkable degree the lovely feminine gift of +_home-making_. She was a true decorative artist. Her room when she was +boarding, and her home after it was completed, were bowers of beauty. +Every walk over hill and dale, every ramble by brookside or through +wildwood, gave to her some fresh home-adornment. Some shy wildflower +or fern, or brilliant-tinted leaf, a bit of moss, a curious lichen, a +deserted bird's-nest, a strange fragment of rock, a shining pebble, +would catch her passing glance and reveal to her quick artistic sense +possibilities of use which were quaint, original, characteristic. One +saw from afar that hers was a poet's home; and, if permitted to enter +its gracious portals, the first impression deepened into certainty. +There was as strong an individuality about her home, and especially +about her own little study, as there was about herself and her writings. +A cheerful, sunny, hospitable Christian home! Far and wide its potent +influences reached, and it was a beautiful thing to see how many +another home, humble or stately, grew emulous and blossomed into a new +loveliness. + +Mrs. Prentiss was naturally a shy and reserved woman, and necessarily a +pre-occupied one. Therefore she was sometimes misunderstood. But those +who--knew her best, and were blest with her rare intimacy, knew her as +"a perfect woman nobly planned." Her conversation was charming. +Her close study of nature taught her a thousand happy symbols and +illustrations, which made both what she said and wrote a mosaic of +exquisite comparisons. Her studies of character were equally constant +and penetrating. Nothing escaped her; no peculiarity of mind or manner +failed of her quick observation, but it was always a kindly interest. +She did not ridicule that which was simply ignorance or weakness, and +she saw with keen pleasure all that was quaint, original, or strong, +even when it was hidden beneath the homeliest garb. She had the true +artist's liking for that which was simple and _genre_. The common +things of common life appealed to her sympathies and called out all her +attention. It was a real, hearty interest, too--not feigned, even in a +sense generally thought praiseworthy. Indeed, no one ever had a more +intense scorn of every sort of _feigning_. She was honest, truthful, +_genuine_ to the highest degree. It may have sometimes led her into +seeming lack of courtesy, but even this was a failing which "leaned to +virtue's side." I chanced to know of her once calling with a friend on a +country neighbor, and finding the good housewife busy over a rag-carpet. +Mrs. Prentiss, who had never chanced to see one of these bits of rural +manufacture in its elementary processes, was full of questions and +interest, thereby quite evidently pleasing the unassuming artist in +assorted rags and home-made dyes. When the visitors were safely outside +the door, Mrs. Prentiss' friend turned to her with the exclamation, +"What tact you have! She really thought you were interested in her +work!" The quick blood sprang into Mrs. Prentiss' face, and she turned +upon her friend a look of amazement and rebuke. "Tact!" she said, "I +despise such tact!--do you think _I would look or act a lie?_" + +She was an exceedingly practical woman, not a dreamer. A systematic, +thorough housekeeper, with as exalted ideals in all the affairs which +pertain to good housewifery as in those matters which are generally +thought to transcend these humble occupations. Like Solomon's virtuous +woman she "looked well after the ways of her household." Methodical, +careful of minutes, simple in her tastes, abstemious, and therefore +enjoying evenly good health in spite of her delicate constitution--this +is the secret of her accomplishing so much. Yet all this foundation of +exactness and diligence was so "rounded with leafy gracefulness" that +she never seemed angular or unyielding. + +With her children she was a model disciplinarian, exceedingly strict, a +wise law-maker; yet withal a tender, devoted, self-sacrificing mother. +I have never seen such exact obedience required and given--or a more +idolized mother. "Mamma's" word was indeed _Law_, but--O, happy +combination!--it was also _Gospel_! + +How warm and true her friendship was! How little of selfishness in all +her intercourse with other women! How well she loved to be of _service_ +to her friends! How anxious that each should reach her highest +possibilities of attainment! I record with deepest sense of obligation +the cordial, generous, sympathetic assistance of many kinds extended by +her to me during our whole acquaintance. To every earnest worker in any +field she gladly "lent a hand," rejoicing in all the successes of others +as if they were her own. + +But if weakness, or trouble, or sorrow of any sort or degree overtook +one she straightway became as one of God's own ministering spirits--an +angel of strength and consolation. Always more eager, however, that +_souls should grow than that pain should cease_. Volumes could be made +of her letters to friends in sorrow. One tender monotone steals through +them all,-- + + 'Come unto me, my kindred, I enfold you + In an embrace to sufferers only known; + Close to this heart I tenderly will hold you, + Suppress no sigh, keep back no tear, no moan. + + "Thou Man of Sorrows, teach my lips that often + Have told the sacred story of my woe, + To speak of Thee till stony griefs I soften, + Till hearts that know Thee not learn Thee to know. + + "Till peace takes place of storm and agitation, + Till lying on the current of Thy will + There shall be glorying in tribulation, + And Christ Himself each empty heart shall fill." + +Few have the gift or the courage to deal faithfully yet lovingly with an +erring soul, but she did not shrink back even from this service to those +she loved. I can bear witness to the wisdom, penetration, skill, and +fidelity with which she probed a terribly wounded spirit, and then +said with tender solemnity, "_I think you need a great deal of good +praying._" + +O, "vanished hand," still beckon to us from the Eternal Heights! O, +"voice that is still," speak to us yet from the Shining Shore! + + "Still let thy mild rebuking stand + Between us and the wrong, + And thy dear memory serve to make + Our faith in goodness strong." + + +[1] See the poem in the appendix to Golden Hours, with the "Reply of the +New Year," written by Mrs. Prentiss. + +[2] A clerical circle of New York. + +[3] A Unitarian paper, published in New York. + +[4] An association of ladies for providing garments and other needed +articles in aid of families of Home and Foreign missionaries, especially +of those connected in any way with their own congregation. Such a circle +is found in most of the American churches. + +[5] The passage occurs in a letter to Madame Guyon, dated June 9, 1689. +For another extract from the same letter see appendix F, p. 557. + +[6] On the Resurrection of Christ. + +[7] Helen Rogers Blakeman, wife of W. N. Blakeman, M.D., was born on the +20th of December, 1811, in the city of New York. She was a granddaughter +of the Rev. James Caldwell, of Elizabethtown, New Jersey, the +Revolutionary patriot. The tragical fate of her grandmother has passed +into history. When the British forces reached Connecticut Farms, on +the 7th of June, 1780, and began to burn and pillage the place, Mrs. +Caldwell, who was then living there, retired with her two children--one +an infant in her arms--to a back room in the house. Here, while engaged +in prayer, she was shot through the window. Two bullets struck her in +the breast and she fell dead upon the floor. The infant in her arms was +Mrs. Blakeman's mother. On the father's side, too, she was of an old and +God-fearing family. + +[8] "Your precious lamb was very near my heart; few knew so well as I +did all you suffered for and with her, for few have been over just the +ground I have. But that is little to the purpose; what I was going to +say is this,--'God never makes a mistake.' You know and feel it, I am +sure, but when we are broken down with grief, we like to hear simple +words, oft repeated. On this anniversary of my child's death, I feel +drawn to you. It was a great blow to us because it came to hearts +already sore with sorrow for our boy, and because it came so like a +thunderclap, and because she suffered so. Your baby's death brought it +all back."--_From the Letter to Mrs. W._ + +[9] "I must tell you what a busy day I had yesterday, being chaplain, +marketer, mother, author, and consoler from early morning till nine at +night.... A letter came from Cincinnati from the editor of the hymn-book +of the Y.M.C.A., saying he had some of my hymns in it, and had stopped +the press in order to have two more, which he wanted 'right away.' I was +exactly in the mood; it was our little Bessie's anniversary, she had +been in heaven _eighteen_ years; think what she has already gained by +my one year of suffering! and I wanted to spend it for others, not for +myself."--_Letter to her Husband, May 20_. + +[10] Nidworth, and His Three Magic Wands, published by Roberts Brothers. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +THE TRIAL OF FAITH. + +1871-1872. + +I. + +Two Years of Suffering. Its Nature and Causes. Spiritual Conflicts. +Ill-health. Faith a Gift to be won by Prayer. Death-bed of Dr. Skinner. +Visit to Philadelphia. "Daily Food." How to read the Bible so as to love +it more. Letters of Sympathy and Counsel. "Prayer for Holiness brings +Suffering." Perils of human Friendship. + + +If in the life of Mrs. Prentiss the year 1870 was marked with a white +stone as one of great happiness, the two following years were marked by +unusual and very acute suffering. Perhaps something of this was, sooner +or later, to have been looked for in the experience of one whose +organization, both physical and mental, was so intensely sensitive. +Tragical elements are latent in every human life, especially in the life +of woman. And the finer qualities of her nature, her vast capacity of +loving and of self-sacrifice, her peculiar cares and trials, as well as +outward events, are always tending to bring these elements into action. +What scenes surpassing fable, scenes both bright and sad, belong to +the secret history of many a quiet woman's heart! Then our modern +civilization, while placing woman higher in some respects than she ever +stood before, at the same time makes her pay a heavy price for +her advantages. In the very process of enlarging her sphere and +opportunities, whether intellectual or practical, and of educating +her for their duties, does it not also expose her to moral shocks and +troubles and lacerations of feeling almost peculiar to our times? Nor is +religion wholly exempt from the spirit that rules the age or the hour. +There is a close, though often very subtle, connexion between the +two; just as there is between the working of nature and grace in the +individual soul. + +The phase of her history upon which Mrs. Prentiss was now entering +can not be fully understood without considering it in this light. The +melancholy that was deep-rooted in her temperament, and her tender, +all-absorbing sympathies, made her very quick to feel whatever of pain +or sorrow pervaded the social atmosphere about her. The thought of what +others were suffering would intrude even upon her rural retreat among +the mountains, and render her jealous of her own rest and joy. And then, +in all her later years, the mystery of existence weighed upon her heart +more and more heavily. In a nature so deep and so finely strung, great +happiness and great sorrow are divided by a very thin partition. + +But spiritual trials and conflict gave its keenest edge to the suffering +of these years. Such trials and conflict indeed were not wanting in the +earliest stages of her religious life, nor had they been wanting all +along its course; but they came now with a power and in a manner almost +wholly new; and, while not essentially different from those which have +afflicted God's children in all ages, they are yet traceable, in no +small degree, to special causes and circumstances in her own case. Early +in 1870 she had fallen in with a book entitled "God's Furnace," and a +few months later had made the acquaintance of its author--a remarkable +woman, of great strength of character, of deep religious experience, and +full of zeal for God. Her book was introduced to the Christian public by +a distinguished Presbyterian clergyman, and was highly recommended +by other eminent divines. By means of this work, as well as by +correspondence and an occasional visit, she exerted for a time a good +deal of influence over Mrs. Prentiss. At first this influence seemed to +be stimulating and healthful, but it was not so in the end. The points +of sympathy and the points of difference between them will come out so +plainly in Mrs. Prentiss' letters that they need not be indicated here. +It would not be easy to imagine two women more utterly dissimilar, +except in love to God, devotion to their Saviour, and delight in prayer. +These formed the tie between them. Miss ----'s last days were sadly +clouded by mental trouble and disease. + +A little book called "Holiness through Faith," published about this +time, was another disturbing influence in Mrs. Prentiss' religious life. +This work and others of a similar character presented a somewhat novel +theory of sanctification--a theory zealously taught, and which excited +considerable attention in certain circles of the Christian community. It +was, in brief, this: As we are justified by faith without the deeds +of the law, even so are we sanctified by faith; in other words, as we +obtain forgiveness and acceptance with God by a simple act of trust in +Christ, so by simple trust in Christ we may attain personal holiness; it +is as easy for divine grace to save us at once from the power, as from +the guilt, of sin. + +For more than thirty years Mrs. Prentiss had made the Christian life a +matter of earnest thought and study. The subject of personal holiness +in particular had occupied her attention. Whatever promised to shed +new light upon it she eagerly read. Her own convictions, however, were +positive and decided; and, although at first inclined to accept the +doctrine of "Holiness through Faith," further reflection satisfied her +that, as taught by its special advocates, it was contrary to Scripture +and experience, and was fraught with mischief. Certain unhappy +tendencies and results of the doctrine, both at home and abroad, as +shown in some of its teachers and disciples, also forced her to this +conclusion. Folly of some sort is indeed one of the fatal rocks upon +which all overstrained theories of sanctification are almost certain to +be wrecked; and in excitable, crude natures, the evil is apt to take the +form either of mental extravagance, perhaps derangement, or of silly, if +not still worse, conduct. But, while deeply impressed with the mischief +of these Perfectionist theories, Mrs. Prentiss felt the heartiest +sympathy with all earnest seekers after holiness, and was grieved by +what seemed to her harsh or unjust criticisms upon them. + +What were her own matured views on the subject will appear in the +sequel. It is enough to say here that "Holiness through Faith" and other +works, in advocacy of the same or similar doctrines, meeting her as +they did when under a severe mental strain, and touching her at a most +sensitive point--for holiness was a passion of her whole soul--had +for a time a more or less bewildering effect. She kept pondering the +questions they raised, until the native hue of her piety--hitherto so +resolute and cheerful--became "sicklied o'er with the pale cast of +thought." + +The inward conflict which has been referred to she described sometimes, +in the language of the old divines, as the want of God's "sensible +presence," or of "conscious" nearness to and communion with Christ; +sometimes, as a state of "spiritual deprivation or aridity"; and then +again, as a work of the Evil One. She laid much stress upon this last +point. Her belief in the existence of Satan and his influence over human +souls was as vivid as that of Luther; she did not hesitate to accuse him +of being the fomenter and, in a sense, the author of her distress; the +warnings of the Bible against his "wiles" she accepted as in full force +still; and she could offer with all her heart, and with no doubt as +to the literal meaning of its closing words, the petition of the old +Litany: "That it may please Thee to strengthen such as do stand, and to +comfort and help the weak-hearted, and to raise up those who fall, and +finally to _beat down Satan under our feet_." + +The coming trouble seems to have cast its shadow across her path even +before the close of 1870. Early in 1871 it was upon her in power. +Her letters contain very interesting and pathetic allusions to this +experience. But they do not explain it. Nor is it easy to explain. In +the absence of certain inciting causes from without, it would never, +perhaps, have assumed a serious form. But these sharp spiritual +trials are generally complicated with external causes, or occasions; +ill-health, morbid constitutional tendencies, loss of sleep, wearing +cares and responsibilities, sudden calamities, worldly loss or +disappointment, and the like. It is in the midst of such conditions that +pious souls are most apt to be assailed by gloom and despondency. And +yet distressing inward struggles and depression arise sometimes in the +midst of outward prosperity and even of unusual religious enjoyment. +In truth, among all the phenomena of the Christian life none are more +obscure or harder to seize than those connected with spiritual conflict +and temptation. They belong largely to that _terra incognita_, the dark +back-ground of human consciousness, where are the primal forces of +the soul and the mustering-place of good and evil. A certain mystery +enshrouds all profound religious emotion; whether of the peace of +God that passeth all understanding, or of the anguish that comes of +spiritual desertion. Those who are in the midst of the battle, or bear +its scars, will instantly recognise an experience like their own; to all +others it must needs remain inexplicable. Even in the natural life our +deepest joys and sorrows are mostly inarticulate; the great poets come +nearest to giving them utterance; but how much the reality always +surpasses the descriptions of the poet's pen, even though it be the pen +of a Shakespeare, or a Goethe! + +Mrs. Prentiss never afterward referred to this "fiery trial" without +strong emotion. It terrified her to think of anyone she loved as exposed +to it; and--not to speak of other classes--she seemed to regard those as +specially exposed to it, who had just passed, or were passing, through +an unusually rich and happy religious experience. One of her last +letters, addressed to a dear Christian friend, related to this very +point. Here are a few sentences from it: + +I want to give you EMPHATIC warning that you were never in such danger +in your life. This is the language of bitter, bitter experience and is +not mine alone. Leighton says the great Pirate lets the empty ships go +by and robs the full ones. [1] ... I do hope you will go on your way +rejoicing, unto the perfect day. Hold on to Christ with your teeth [2] +if your hands get crippled; He, alone, is stronger than Satan; He, +alone, knows _all_ "sore temptations" mean. + +This, certainly, is strong language and will sound very strange and +extravagant in many ears; and yet is it really stronger language than +that often used by inspired prophets and apostles? or than that of +Augustine, Bernard, Luther, Hooker, Fenelon, Bunyan, and of many saintly +women, whose names adorn the annals of piety? Strong as it is, it will +find an echo in hearts that have been assailed by the "fiery darts of +the adversary," and have learned to cry unto God out of the depths +of mental anguish and gloom; while others still in the midst of the +conflict, will, perhaps, be helped and comforted to read of the manner +in which Mrs. Prentiss passed through it. Nothing in the story of her +religious life is more striking and beautiful. Her faith never failed; +she glorified God in the midst of it all; she thanked her Lord and +Master for "taking her in hand," and begged Him not to spare her for her +crying, if so be she might thus learn to love Him more and grow more +like Him! And, what is especially noteworthy, her own suffering, instead +of paralysing, as severe suffering sometimes does, active sympathy with +the sorrows and trials of others, had just the contrary effect. "How +soon," she wrote to a friend, "our dear Lord presses our experiences +into His own service! How many lessons He teaches us in order to make us +'sons' (or daughters) 'of consolation!'" To another friend she wrote: + +I did not perceive any selfishness in you during our interview, and you +need not be afraid that I am so taken up with my own affairs as to feel +no sympathy with you in yours. What are we made for, if not to bear each +other's burdens? And this ought to be the effect of trial upon us; to +make us, in the very midst of it, unusually interested in the interests +of others. This is the softening, sanctifying tendency of tribulation, +and he who lacks it needs harder blows. + +At no period of her life was she more helpful to afflicted and tempted +souls. In visits to sick-rooms and dying beds, and in letters to friends +in trouble, her heart "like the noble tree that is wounded itself when +it gives the balm," poured itself forth in the most tender, soothing +ministrations. It seemed at times fairly surcharged with love. Meanwhile +she kept her pain to herself; only a few intimate friends, whose prayers +she solicited, knew what a struggle was going on in her soul; to all +others she appeared very much as in her happiest days. "It is a little +curious," she wrote to a young friend, "that suffering as I really am, +nobody sees it. 'Always bright!' people say to me to my amazement.... I +can add nothing but love, of which I am so full that I keep giving off +in thunder and lightning." + +The preceding account would be incomplete without adding that the state +of her health during this period, combined with a severe pressure of +varied and perplexing cares, served to deepen the distress caused by her +spiritual trials. Whatever view may be taken of the origin and nature +of such trials, it is certain that physical depression and the mental +strain that comes of anxious, care-worn thoughts, if not their source, +yet tend always greatly to intensify them. In the present case the +trials would, perhaps, not have existed without the cares and the +ill-health; while the latter, even in the entire absence of the former, +would have occasioned severe suffering. + +_To Mrs. Frederick Field, New York, Jan. 8, 1871._ + +'If I need make any apology for writing you so often, it must be this--I +can not help it. Having dwelt long in an obscure, oftentimes dark +valley, and then passed out into a bright plane of life, I am full of +tender yearnings over other souls, and would gladly spend my whole time +and strength for them. I long, especially, to see your feet established +on an immovable Rock. It seems to me that God is preparing you for great +usefulness by the fiery trial of your faith. "They learn in suffering +what they teach in song." Oh how true this is! Who is so fitted to sing +praises to Christ as he who has learned Him in hours of bereavement, +disappointment and despair? + +What you want is to let your intellect go overboard, if need be, and to +take what God gives just as a little child takes it, without money and +without price. Faith is His, unbelief ours. No process of reasoning can +soothe a mother's empty, aching heart, or bring Christ into it to fill +up all that great waste room. But faith can. And faith is His gift; a +gift to be won by prayer--prayer persistent, patient, determined; +prayer that will take no denial; prayer that if it goes away one day +unsatisfied, keeps on saying, "Well, there's to-morrow and to-morrow and +to-morrow; God may wait to be gracious, and I can wait to receive, but +receive I must and will." This is what the Bible means when it says, +"the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by +force." It does not say the eager, the impatient take it by force, but +the violent--they who declare, "I will not let Thee go except Thou bless +me." This is all heart, not head work. Do I know what I am talking +about? Yes, I do. But my intellect is of no use to me when my heart +is breaking. I must get down on my knees and own that I am less than +nothing, seek _God_, not joy; _consent_ to suffer, not cry for relief. +And how transcendently good He is when He brings me down to that low +place and there shows me that that self-renouncing, self-despairing +spot is just the one where He will stoop to meet me! + +My dear friend, don't let this great tragedy of sorrow fail to do +_everything_ for you. It is a dreadful thing to lose children; but a +_lost sorrow_ is the most fearful experience life can bring, I feel this +so strongly that I could go on writing all day. It has been said that +the intent of sorrow is to "toss us on to God's promises." Alas, these +waves too often toss us away out to sea, where neither sun or stars +appear for many days. I pray, earnestly, that it may not be so with you. + +Among Mrs. Prentiss' most beloved and honored friends in New York was +the Rev. Dr. Thomas H. Skinner, the first pastor of the Mercer street +church, and then, for nearly a quarter of a century, Professor in the +Union Theological Seminary. His attachment to her, as also that of his +family, was very strong. Dr. Skinner had been among the leaders of +the so-called New School branch of the Presbyterian Church. He was a +preacher of great spiritual power, an able, large-hearted theologian, +and a man of most attractive personal and social qualities. He was +artless as a little child, full of enthusiasm for the best things, and +a pattern of saintly goodness. It used to be said that every stone and +rafter in the Church of the Covenant had felt the touch of his prayers. +This venerable servant of God entered into his rest on the 1st of +February, 1871, in the 80th year of his age. In a letter to her cousin, +Rev. George S. Payson, Mrs. Prentiss thus refers to his last hours: + +You will hear at dear Dr. Skinner's funeral to-morrow his dying +testimony, and I want you to know that it was whispered in my enraptured +ear, that I was privileged to spend the whole of Tuesday and all he +lived of Wednesday, at his side, and that mine were the hands that +closed his eyes and composed his features in death. What blissful +moments were mine, as I saw his sainted soul fly home; how near heaven +seemed and still seems! + +_To Miss E. S. Gilman, New York, Feb. 7, 1871._ + +I am glad to hear that you have such an interesting class, and yet more +glad that you see how much Christian culture they need. I am astonished +every day by confessions made to me by young people as to their woful +state before God, and do hope that all this is to prepare me to write +something for them. I began a series of articles in the Association +Monthly, called "Twilight Talks," which may perhaps prove to be in +a degree what you want, but still there is much land untraversed. +Meanwhile I want to encourage you in your work, by letting you feel my +deep sympathy with you in it, and to assure you that nothing will be so +blessed to your scholars as personal holiness in yourself. We _must_ +practise what we preach, and give ourselves wholly to Christ if we want +to persuade others to do it. I am saying feebly what I feel very deeply +and constantly. You will rejoice with me that I had the rare privilege +of being with dear Dr. Skinner during his last hours. If you have a copy +of Watts and Select hymns, read the 106th hymn of the 2d book, beginning +at the 2d verse, "Lord, when I quit this earthly stage," and fancy, if +you can, the awe and the delight with which I heard him repeat those +nine verses, as expressive of his dying love to Christ. I feel that +God is always too good to me, but to have Him make me witness of that +inspiring scene, humbles me greatly. In how many ways He seeks us, now +smiling, now caressing, now reproving, now thwarting, and _always_ doing +the very best thing for us that infinite love and goodness can! Let us +love Him better and better every day, and count no work for Him too +small and unnoticed to be wrought thankfully whenever He gives the +opportunity. I hope I am learning to honor the day of small things. + +_To Mrs. Humphrey, New York, March 14, 1871._ + +So you have at last broken the ice and made out, after almost a year, to +write that promised letter! Well, it was worth waiting for, and welcome +when it came, and awakened in me an enthusiasm about seeing the dear +creature, of which I hardly thought my old heart was capable (that +statement is an affectation; my heart isn't old, and never will be). Our +plan now is, if all prospers, to go to Philadelphia on Friday afternoon, +spend the night with you, Saturday with Mrs. Kirkbride, and Sunday and +part of Monday with you. I hope you mean to let us have a quiet little +time with you, unbeknown to strangers, whom I dread and shrink from.... + +_March 28th._--What a queer way we womenkind have of confiding in each +other with perfectly reckless disregard of consequences! It is a mercy +that men are, for the most part, more prudent, though not half so +delightful!... Well, I'm ever so glad I've seen you in your home, only +I found you more frail (in the way of health) than I found you fair. We +hear that your husband preached "splendidly," as of course we knew he +would, and the next exchange I shall be there to hear as well as to see. + +Coming out of the cars yesterday, I picked up a "Daily Food," dropped, I +suppose, by its owner, "Sarah ----," of Philadelphia, given her by "Miss +H. in 1853." It has travelled all over Europe, and is therefore no doubt +precious to her who thus made it her friend. Now how shall I get it to +her? Can you learn her address, or shall I write to her at a venture, +without one? I know how I felt--when I once lost mine; it was given me +in 1835, and has gone with me ever since whenever I have journeyed (as I +was so happy as to find it again). [3] I think if I have the pleasure of +restoring it to its owner, she will feel glad that it did not fall into +profane hands. I thought it right to look through it, in order to get +some clue, if possible, to its destination; I fancy it was the silent +comforter of a wife who went abroad with her husband for his health, +and came home a widow; God bless her, whoever she is, for she evidently +believes in and loves Him. What sort of a world can it be to those who +don't? [4] Remember me affectionately to yourself and your dear ones, +and now we've got a-going, let's go ahead. + +_April 1st._--What a pity it is that one can't have a separate language +with which to address each beloved one! It seems so mean to use the same +words to two or three or four people one loves so differently! Now about +my visit to you. One reason why I did not stay longer was your looking +worn out. When I am feeling so dragged, visitors are a great wear and +tear to me. But I am afraid my selfishness would have got the upperhand +of me if that were the whole story. I can't put into words the perfect +horror I have of being made into a somebody; it fairly hurts me, and if +I had stayed a week with you and the host of people you had about you, +I should have shriveled up into the size of a pea. I can't deny having +streaks of conceit, but I _know_ enough about myself to make my rational +moments bid me keep in the background, and it excruciates me to be set +up on a pinnacle. So don't blame me if I fled in terror, and that I am +looking forward to your visit, when I hope to have delightful pow-wows +with you all by ourselves. + +I am glad that little book can be returned, and I will mail it to you. +I _couldn't_ send it without a loving word; it seemed to fall so +providentially into my hands and knock so at the door of my heart. In +what strange ways people get introduced to each other, and how subtle +are the influences that excite a bond of sympathy!... What do you do +with girls who fall madly and desperately in love with you? Do you laugh +at them, or scold them, or love them, or what? I used to do just such +crazy things, and am not sure I never do them now. Did you ever live in +a queerer world than this is? + +_To Miss E.S. Gilman, New York, April 29, 1871._ + +The subject of your letter is one that greatly interests me, and I +should be glad to get more light upon it myself. As far as I know, those +who live apart from the world, communing with God and working for Him +chiefly in prayer, have least temptation to wandering and distracted +thoughts, and are more devout and spiritual than those of us who live +more in the world. But it stands to reason that we _can't_ all live so. +The outside work must go on, and somebody must do it. But of course we +have the hardest time, since while _in_ the world we must not be of +it. I have come, of late, to think that both classes are needed, the +contemplative and the active, and God does certainly take the latter +aside now and then as you suggest, by sickness and in other ways, to set +them thinking. Holiness is not a mere abstraction; it is praying and +loving and being consecrate, but it is also the doing kind deeds, +speaking friendly words, being in a crowd when we thirst to be alone, +and so on and so on. The study of Christ's life on earth reveals Him +to us as incessantly busy, yet taking _special_ seasons for prayer. It +seems to me that we should imitate Him in this respect, and when we find +ourselves particularly pressed by outward cares and duties, break short +off and withdraw from them till a spiritual tone returns. For we can +do nothing well unless we do it consciously for Christ, and this +consciousness sometimes gets jostled out of us when we undertake to do +too much. The more perfectly He is formed in us the more light we shall +get on every path of duty, the less likely to go astray from the happy +medium of not all contemplation, not all activity. And to have Him thus +to dwell in us we are led to pray by His own last prayer for us on +earth, when He asked for the "_I in them_." Let us pray for each other +that this may be our blessed lot. Nothing will fit us for life but this. +In ourselves we do nothing but err and sin. In Him we are complete. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Her Husband called to Chicago. Lines on going to Dorset. Letters to +young Friends, on the Christian Life. Narrow Escape from Death. Feeling +on returning to Town. Her "Praying Circle." The Chicago Fire. The true +Art of Living. God our only safe Teacher. An easily-besetting Sin. +Counsels to young Friends. Letters. + + +Mrs. Prentiss' letters relating to her husband's call to Chicago require +perhaps an explanatory word. She had some very pleasant associations +with Chicago. It was the home of a brother and sister-in-law, to whom +she was deeply attached, and of other dear relatives. There Stepping +Heavenward had first appeared, and many unknown friends--grateful for +the good it had done them--were eager to form her acquaintance and bid +her welcome to the great city of the Interior. And yet the thought of +removing there filled her with the utmost distress. Had her husband's +call been to some distant post in the field of Foreign Missions, her +language on the subject could hardly have been stronger. But this +language in reality expresses simply the depth of her devotion to her +church and her friends in New York, her morbid shyness and shrinking +from the presence of strangers, and, especially, her vivid sense of +physical inability to make the change without risking the loss of what +health and power of sleep still remained to her. Misgiving on this last +point caused her husband to hesitate long before accepting the call, +and to feel in after years that his decision to accept it, although +conscientiously made, had been a grave mistake. + +_To Mrs. Condict, New York, June 3, 1871._ + +I knew that you would rather hear from me than through the papers, the +fact that Mr. Prentiss has been once more unanimously elected by the +General Assembly to the Chicago Professorship. He has come home greatly +perplexed as to his duty, and prepared to do it, at any reasonable cost, +if he can only find out what it is. We built our Dorset house not as a +mere luxury, but with the hope that the easy summer there would so build +up our health as to increase and prolong our usefulness; but going to +Chicago would deprive us of that, besides cutting us off from all our +friends. But we want to know no will but God's in this question, and I +am sure you and Miss K. will join us in the prayer that we may not so +much as _suggest_ to Him what path He will lead us into. The experience +of the past winter would impress upon me the fact that _place and +position_ have next to nothing to do with happiness; that we can be +wretched in a palace, radiant in a dungeon. Mr. P. said yesterday that +it broke his heart to hear me talk of giving up Dorset; but perhaps this +heartbreaking is exactly what we need to remind us of what for many +years we never had a chance to forget, that we are pilgrims and +strangers on the earth. Two lines of my own keep running in my head: + +Oh foolish heart, oh faithless heart, oh heart on ruin bent, Build not +with too much care thy nest, thou art in banishment. + +I have seen the time when the sense of being a pilgrim and a stranger +was very sweet; and God can sweeten whatever He does to us. So though +perplexed we are not in despair, and if we feel that we are this summer +living in a tent that may soon blow down, it is just what you are doing, +and in this point we shall have fellowship. I am sure it is good for +us to have God take up the rod, even if He lays it down again without +inflicting a blow. I know we are going to pray till light comes. I +feel very differently about it from what I did last summer. The mental +conflicts of the past winter have created a good deal of indifference to +everything. Without conscious union and nearness to my Saviour I can't +be happy anywhere; for years He has been the meaning of everything, and +when He only _seems_ gone (I know it is only seeming) I don't much care +where I am. I am just trying to be patient till He makes Satan let go of +me. Excuse this selfish letter, and write me one just as bad! + +On the 7th of June she went to Dorset with her husband and the younger +children. The following lines, found among her papers, will show in what +temper of mind she went. It is worth noting that they were written on +Monday, and express a week-day, not merely a passing Sabbath feeling: + + Once more at home, once more at home-- + For what, dear Lord, I pray? + To seek enjoyment, please myself, + Make life a summer's day? + + I shrink, I shudder at the thought; + For what is home to me, + When sin and self enchain my heart, + And keep it far from Thee? + + There is but one abiding joy, + Nor place that joy can give; + It is Thy presence that makes home, + That makes it "life to live." + + That presence I invoke; naught else + I venture to entreat; + I long to see Thee, hear Thy voice, + To sit at Thy dear feet. + +_To a young Friend, Dorset, June 12, 1871._ + +I trust it is an omen of good that the first letters I have received +since coming here this summer, have been full of the themes I love best. +I was much struck with the sentence you quote, "They can not go back," +etc., [5] and believe it is true of you. Being absorbed in divine things +will not make you selfish; you will be astonished to find how loving you +will gradually grow toward everybody, how interested in their interests, +how happy in their happiness. And if you want work for Christ (and the +more you love Him the more you will _long_ for it), that work will come +to you in all sorts of ways. I do not believe much in duty-work; I think +that work that tells is the spontaneous expression of the love within. +Perhaps you have not been sick enough yourself to be skilful in a +sick-room; perhaps your time for that sort of work hasn't come. I meant +to get you a little book called "The Life of Faith"; in fact, I went +down town on purpose to get it, and passed the Episcopal Sunday-school +Union inadvertently. I think that little book teaches how _every_thing +we do may be done for Christ, and I know by what little experience I +have had of it, that it is a blessed, thrice blessed way to live. A +great deal is meant by the "cup of cold water," and few of us women have +great deeds to perform, and we must unite ourselves to Him by little +ones. The life of constant self-discipline God requires is a happy one; +you and I, and others like us, find a wild, absorbing joy in loving and +being loved; but sweet, abiding peace is the fruit of steady check on +affections that _must_ be tamed and kept under. Is this consistent +with what I have just said about growing more loving as we grow more +Christlike? Yes, it is; for _that_ love is absolutely unselfish, it +gives much and asks nothing, and there is nothing restless about it.... +I have been very hard at work ever since I came here, with my darling M. +as my constant, joyous comrade. We have been busy with our flower-beds, +sowing and transplanting, and half the china closet has tumbled out of +doors to serve as protection from the sun. Mr. Prentiss says we do +the work of three days in one, which is true, for we certainly have +performed great feats. The night we got here we found the house lighted +up, and the dining-table covered with good things. People seem glad to +see us back. I don't know which of my Dorset titles would strike you +as most appropriate; one man calls me a "branch," another "a child +of nature," and another "Mr. Prentiss' woman," with the consoling +reflection that I sha'n't rust out. + +_To Mrs. Smith, Dorset, August 6, 1871._ + +I don't know when I have written so few letters as I have this summer. +My right hand has forgot its cunning under the paralysis, under which my +heart has suffered, and which is now beginning to affect my health quite +unfavorably. It seems as if body and soul, joints and marrow, were +rudely separating. Poor George is half-distracted with the weight of +the questions concerning Chicago, and I think almost anything would be +better than this crucifying suspense. But I try not to make a fuss. Mrs. +D---- can tell you that I have said to her many times, during the last +few years, that, according to the ordinary run of life, things would not +long remain with us as they were; they were too good to last. + +I have read and re-read "Spiritual Dislodgments," and remember it well. +I certainly wish for such dislodgments in me and mine, if we need them. +George has got hold of a book of A.'s, which delights him, Letters of +William Von Humboldt. [6] I suppose you recommended it to her. You +_must_ make your plans to come here this summer; I don't seem fully to +have a thing till you've seen it. + +_To Mrs. Humphrey, Dorset, Aug. 8, 1871._ + +It took you a good while to answer my last letter, and I have been +equally lazy about writing since yours strayed this way. Letter-writing +has always been a resource and a pastime to me; a refuge in head-achy +and rainy days, and a tiny way to give pleasure or do good, when other +paths were hedged up. But this summer I have left almost everybody in +the lurch, partly from being more or less unwell and out of spirits, +partly because the Chicago question, remaining unsettled, has been such +a damper that I hadn't much heart to speak either of it or of anything +else. We are perplexed beyond measure what to do; the thought of losing +_my minister_ and having him turn into a professor, agonizes me; on the +other hand, who knows but he needs the rest that change of labor and the +five months' vacation would give him? _His_ chief worry is the effect +the attending funerals all the time has already had on my health. One +day I part with and bury (in imagination!) now this friend, now that, +and this mournful work does not sharpen one's appetite or invigorate +one's frame. I don't know how we've stood the conflict; and it seems +rather selfish to allude to my part of it; but women live more in their +friendships than men do, and the thought of tearing up all our roots is +more painful to me than to my husband, and he will not lose what I must +lose in addition, and as I have said before, my minister, which is the +hardest part of it. + +I want you to know what straits we are in, in the hope that you and +yours will be stirred up to pray that we may make no mistake, but go or +stay as the Lord would have us. We have found our little home a nice +refuge for us in the storm; Mr. P. says he should have gone distracted +in a boarding-house. I do not envy you the Conway crowd. But I fancy it +is a good region for collecting mosses and like treasures. I think the +prettiest thing in our house is a flattish bracket, fastened to the wall +and filled with flowers; it looks like a graceful, meandering letter +S and is one of the idols I bow down to.... I have "Holiness through +Faith"; the first time I read it at Mr. R----'s request, I said I +believed every word of it, but this summer, reading it in a different +mood, it puzzles me. The idea is plausible; if God tells us to be holy, +as He certainly does, is it not for Him to provide the way for our being +so, and is it likely He needs our whole lives before He can accomplish +His own design? I talked with Mr. Prentiss about it, and at first he +rejected the thought of holiness through faith, but last night we got +upon the subject again and he was interested in some sentences I read to +him and said he must examine the book. When are you coming to spend that +week in Dorset? Love to each and all. + +_To a young Friend, Kauinfels, Sept. 9, 1871._ + +I have had many letters to write to-day, for to-day our fate is sealed, +and we are to go. But I must say a few words to you before going to bed, +for I want to tell you how very glad I am that you have been enabled +to take a step [7] which will, I am sure, lead the way to other steps, +increase your holiness, your usefulness, and your happiness. May God +bless you in this attempt to honor Him, and open out before you new +fields wherein to glorify and please Him. This has not been a sorrowful +day to me. I hope I am offering to a "patient God a patient heart." I do +not want to make the worst of the sacrifice He requires, or to fancy I +am only to be happy on my own conditions. He has been most of the time +for years "the spring of all my joys, the life of my delights." Where +He is, I want to be; where He bids me go, I want to go, and to go in +courage and faith. Anything is better than too strong cleaving to this +world. As I was situated in New York, I lacked not a single earthly +blessing. I had a delightful home, freedom from care, and a circle of +friends whom I loved with all my heart, and who loved me in a way to +satisfy even my rapacity. Only one thing was wanting to my perfect +felicity--a heart absolutely holy; and was I likely to get that when my +earthly cup was so full? At any rate I am content. Now and then, as the +reality of this coming separation overwhelms me, I feel a spasm of pain +at my heart (I don't suppose we are expected to cease to be human beings +or to lose our sensibilities), but if my Lord and Master will go with +me, and keeps on making me more and more like Himself, I can be happy +anywhere and under any conditions, or be made content not to be happy. +All this is of little consequence in itself, but perhaps it may make me +more of a blessing to others, which, next to personal holiness, is the +only thing to be sought very earnestly. As to my relation to you, He who +brought you under my wing for a season has something better for you in +store. _That's His way._ And wherever I am, if it is His will and His +Spirit dictates the prayer, I shall pray for you, and that is the best +service one soul can render another. + +About this time she and her husband had an almost miraculous escape from +instant death. They had been calling upon friends in East Dorset and +were returning home. Not far from that village is a very dangerous +railroad crossing; and, as the sight or sound of cars so affrighted Coco +as to render him uncontrollable, special pains had been taken not to +arrive at the spot while a train was due. But just as they reached it, +an "irregular" train, whose approach was masked behind high bushes, came +rushing along unannounced, and had they been only a few seconds later, +would have crushed them to atoms. So severe was the shock and so vivid +the sense of a Providential escape, that scarcely a word was spoken +during the drive home. The next morning she gave her husband a very +interesting account of the thoughts that, like lightning, flashed upon +her mind while feeling herself in the jaws of death. They related +exclusively to her children--how they would receive the news, and what +would become of them. [8] + +Late in September she returned to town, still oppressed by the thought +of going to Chicago. In a letter to Mrs. Condict, dated October 2d, she +writes: + +We got home on Friday night, and very early on Saturday were settled +down into the old routine. But how different everything is! At church +tearful, clouded faces; at home, warmhearted friends looking upon us as +for the last time. It is all right. I would not venture to change it +if I could; but it is hard. At times it seems as if my heart would +literally break to pieces, but we are mercifully kept from realising our +sorrows all the time. The waves dash in and almost overwhelm, but then +they sweep back and are stayed by an almighty, kind hand.... It is like +tearing off a limb to leave our dear prayer-meeting. Next to my closet, +it has been to me the sweetest spot on earth. I never expect to find +such another. + +To another friend she writes a day or two later: + +My heart fairly _collapses_ at times, at the thought of tearing myself +away from those whom Christian ties have made dearer to me than my +kindred after the flesh. And then comes the precious privilege and +relief of telling my yet dearer and better Friend all about it, and the +sweet peace begotten of yielding my will to His. I want to be of all +the use and comfort to you and to the other dear ones He will let me be +during these few months. Do pray for me that I may so live Christ as to +bear others along with me on a resistless tide. Those lines you copied +for me are a great comfort: + + "Rather walking with Him by faith, + Than walking alone in the light." + +Of the little praying circle, alluded to in her letter to Mrs. C., one +of its members writes: + +It was unique even among meetings of its own class. Held in an upper +chamber, never largely attended and sometimes only by the "two or +three," it was almost unknown except to the few, who regarded it as +among their chiefest religious privileges. All the other members would +gladly have had Mrs. Prentiss assume its entire leadership; but she +assumed nothing and was no doubt quite unconscious as to how large +an extent she was the life and soul of the meeting. In the familiar +conversation of the hour nothing fell from her lips but such simple +words as, coming from a glowing heart, strengthened and deepened the +spiritual life of all who heard them. She had, in a degree I never knew +equalled, the gift of leading the devotions of others. But there was not +the slightest approach to performance in her prayers; she abhorred the +very thought of it. Those who knelt with her can never forget the pure +devotion which breathed itself forth in simple exquisite language; but +it was something beyond the power of description. + +Another member of the circle writes: + +Her prayers were so simple, so earnest, so childlike. We all felt we +were in the very presence of our loving Father. One thing especially +always impressed me during that sacred hour--it was her _quietness of +manner_. She was very cordial and affectionate in her greetings with +each one, as we assembled, and then a holy awe, a solemn hush, came over +her spirit and she seemed like one who saw the Lord! O how we all miss +her! There is never a meeting but we keep her in remembrance and talk +together lovingly about her. + +_To a Friend, Oct. 21, 1871._ + +Mr. Prentiss sent in his resignation last evening, and the church +refused unanimously to let him go. "Praise God from whom all blessings +flow" penetrated the walls of the parsonage, as they sang it when the +decision was made, and so we knew our fate before a whole parlorful +rushed in to shake hands, kiss, and congratulate. You would have been +delighted had you been here. Prof. Smith, who took strong ground in +favor of his going, takes just as strong ground in favor of his staying. +I feel that all this is the result of prayer. I never got any light on +the Chicago question when I prayed about it; never could _see_ that it +was our duty to go; but I yielded my judgment and my will, because my +husband thought that he must go. I think our very reluctance to it made +us shrink from evading it; we were so afraid of opposing God's will. Now +the matter is taken out of our hands and we have only to resume our work +here. God grant that this baptism of fire may purge and purify us +and prepare us to be a great blessing to the church. It is a most +awe-inspiring providence, God's burning us out of Chicago, and we feel +like putting our shoes from off our feet and adoring Him in silence.... +Pray that the lessons we have been learning through so many trying +months may help us to be helping hands to those who may pass through +similar straits. One of my brothers was burnt out, and his own and his +wife's letters drew tears even down to the kitchen. For two days and +a night they lost their baby, five months old, in addition to all the +other horrors. But they found refuge with a dear cousin, who has filled +his house to overflowing. I may have spoken of this cousin to you: he +has a foundling home on Mueller's trust system. + +Before taking leave of the call to Chicago a word should be added +to what she says concerning it in her letters. The prospect of her +husband's accepting the call rendered the summer a very trying one; +but it was far from being all gloom. She had a marvellous power of +extracting amusement out of the most untoward situation. In 1843 she +wrote from Richmond, referring to Mr. Persico's troubles: "I never spent +such melancholy weeks in my life; in the midst of it, however, I made +fun for the rest, as I believe I should do in a dungeon." It was so in +the present case. She relieved the weariness of many an anxious hour by +"making fun for the rest." As an illustration, one evening at Dorset, +while sitting at the parlor-table with her children and a young +friend who was visiting her, she seized a pencil and wrote for their +entertainment a ludicrous version of the Chicago affair in two parts. +The paper which was preserved by her young friend, illustrates also +another trait which she thus describes at the close of a frolicsome +letter to Miss E. A. Warner: "It is one of the peculiar peculiarities +of this woman that she usually carries on, when she wants to hide her +feelins." Part I. begins thus: + + Where are the Prentisses? Gone to Chicago, + Gone bag and baggage, the whole crew and cargo. + Well, they _would_ go, now let's talk 'em over, + And see what compensation we can discover. + +They are all "talked over" and then in Part II. the scene changes to +Chicago itself: + + Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, + Here's the tribe of Prentisses just agoing by; + Dr. Prentiss he, + Mrs. Prentiss she, + And a lot of young ones that all begin with P. + Well, let us view them with our eyes, + And then begin to criticise. + And first the doctor, what of him? + +The doctor having been fully discussed, the criticism proceeds: + + Now for his wife; well, who would guess + She had set up as authoress! + Why, she looks just like all of us, + Instead of being in a muss + Like other literary folks. + They say she likes her little jokes, + As well as those who've less to say + Of stepping on the heavenward way. + +Mrs. P. having been disposed of: + + Next comes Miss P.; how she will make + The hearts of all the students quake! + She'll wind them round her fingers' ends, + And find in them one hundred friends. + They'll sit on benches in a row + And watch her come, and watch her go; + But they'll be safe, the precious rogues, + Since she don't care for theologues. + +The other children next pass in review and the whole closes with the +remark: + + Time, and Time only, will make clear + Why the poor geese came cackling here. + +_To a young Friend, New York, Nov., 1871._ + +My heart is as young and fresh as any girl's, and I am _almost_ as +prone to make idols out of those I love, as I ever was; and this is +inconsistent with the devotion owed to God. I do not mean that I really +love anybody better than I do Him, but that human friendships tempt me. +This easily-besetting sin of mine has cost me more anguish than tongue +can tell, and I deeply feel the need of more love to Christ because of +my earthly tendencies. I know I would sacrifice every friend to Christ, +but I am not always disentangled. How strange this is, how passing +strange!... In a religious way I find myself much better off here than +at Dorset. But there is yet something apparently "far off, unattained +and dim" that I once thought I had caught by the wing, and enjoyed for a +season, but which has flown away. I am afraid I am one who has got to be +a religious enthusiast, or else dissatisfied and restless. When I give +way to an impulse to the first, I care for nothing worldly, and am at +peace. But I am unfitted for daily life, for secular talk and reading. +Is it so with you? Does it run in our blood? I do long and pray for more +light; and I _will_ pray for more love, cost what it may. Sometimes I +long to get to heaven, where I shall not have to be curbing my heart +with bit and bridle, and can be as loving as I want to be--as I _am_. + +_To a young Friend abroad--New York, Dec. 8, 1871._ + +There never will come a time in my life when I shall not need all my +Christian friends can do for me in the way of prayer. I am glad you are +making such special effort to oppose the icebergs of foreign life; God +will meet and bless you in it. Let us, if need be, forsake all others to +cleave only unto Him. I don't know of any real misery except coldness +between myself and Him. + +I feel warm and tender sympathy with you in all your struggles, +temptations, joys, hopes and fears. As you grow older you will _settle_ +more; your troubles, your ups and downs, belong chiefly to your youth. +Yes, you are right in saying that Mr. P---- could go through mental +conflicts in silence; he does not pine for sympathy as you and I do. +You and I are like David, though I forget, at the moment, what he said +happened to him when he "kept silence." (On the whole, I don't think he +said anything!) + +I think the proper attitude to take when restless and lonesome and +homesick for want of God's sensible presence, is just what we take when +we are missing earthly friends for whom we yearn, and whose letters, +though better than nothing, do not half feed our hungry hearts, or fill +our longing arms. And that attitude is patient waiting. We are such +many-sided creatures that I do not doubt you are getting pleasure and +profit out of this European trip, although it is alloyed by so much +mental suffering. But such is life. It has in it nothing perfect, +nothing ideal. And this conviction, deepened every now and then by some +new experience, tosses me anew, again and again, back on to that Rock of +Ages that ever stands sure and steadfast, and on whom our feet may rest. +It is well to have the waves and billows of temptation beat upon us; if +only to magnify this Rock and teach us what a refuge He is. + +I went, last night, with Mr. Prentiss and most of the children, to hear +the freedmen and women in a concert at Steinway Hall. It was _packed_ +with a brilliant, delighted audience, and it was most interesting to see +these young people, simple, dignified, earnest, full of love to Christ, +and preparing, by education, to work for Him. They sang "Keep me from +sinking down" most sweetly and touchingly. I see you have the blues as I +used to do, at your age, and hope you will outgrow them as I have done. +I _suffer_ without being _depressed_ in the sense in which I used to be; +it is hard to make the distinction, but I am sure there is one. I do not +know how far this change has come to me as a happy wife and mother, or +how far it is religious. + +_Aunt Jane's Hero_ was published in 1871. It is hardly inferior to +Stepping Heavenward in its pictures of life and character, or in the +wisdom of its teaching. The object of the book is to depict a home whose +happiness flows from the living Rock, Christ Jesus. It protests also +against the extravagance and other evils of the times, which tend to +check the growth of such homes, and aims to show that there are still +treasures of love and peace on earth, that may be bought without money +and without price. + + * * * * * + +III. + +"Holiness and Usefulness go hand-in-hand." No two Souls dealt with +exactly alike. Visits to a stricken Home. Another Side of her Life. +Visit to a Hospital. Christian Friendship. Letters to a bereaved Mother. +Submission not inconsistent with Suffering. Thoughts at the Funeral of +a little "Wee Davie." Assurance of Faith. Funeral of Prof. Hopkins. His +Character. + + +She entered the new year with weary steps, but with a heart full of +tenderness and sympathy. A circle of young friends, living in different +parts of the country, looked eagerly to her at this time for counsel, +and she was deeply interested in their spiritual progress. She wrote to +one of them, January 6, 1872: + +Your letter has filled my heart with joy. What a Friend and Saviour we +have, and how He comes to meet us on the sea, if we attempt to walk +there in faith! I trust your path now will be the ever brightening +one that shall shine more and more unto the perfect day. Holiness and +usefulness go hand in hand, and you will have new work to do for the +Lord; praying work especially. _Pray for me_, for one thing; I need a +great deal of grace and strength just now. And pray for all the souls +that are struggling toward the light. O that everybody lived only for +Christ! + +A few weeks later, writing to the same friend, she thus refers to the +"fiery trials" through which she was passing: + +This season of temptation came right on the heels, if I may use such +an expression, of great spiritual illumination. Of all the years of my +life, 1869-70 was the brightest, and it seems as if Satan could not +endure the sight of so much love and joy, and so took me in hand. I +have not liked to say much about this to young people, lest it should +discourage them; but I hope you will not allow it to affect you in that +way, for you must remember that no two souls are dealt with exactly +alike, and that the fact that many are looking up to me may have made it +necessary for our dear Lord to let Satan harass and trouble me as he has +done. No, let us not be discouraged, either you or I, but rejoice that +we are called of our God and Saviour to give Him all we have and all we +are.... If we spent more time in thanking God for what He _has_ done for +us, He would do more. + +Malignant scarlet fever and other diseases, had invaded and isolated the +household mentioned in the following letter. Their gratitude to Mrs. +Prentiss was most touching; it was as if she had been to them an angel +from heaven. The story of her visits and loving sympathy became a part +of their family history. + +_To Mrs. Humphrey, New York, Jan. 26, 1872._ + +I came home half frozen from my early walk this morning, to get warm not +only at the fire, but at your letter, which I found awaiting me. I am +glad if you got anything out of your visit here. I rather think you and +I shall "rattle on" together after we get to heaven.... You say, "How +skilfully God does fashion our crosses for us!" Yes, He does. And for +my part, I don't want to rest and be happy without crosses--for I can't +_do_ without them. People who set themselves up to be pastors and +teachers must "learn in suffering" what they teach in sermon and book. +I felt a good deal reproved for making so much of mine, however, by my +further visits to the house of mourning of which we spoke to you. The +little boy died early on the next day, and before his funeral his poor +mother, neglected by everybody else, found it some comfort to get into +my arms and cry there. It made no difference that twenty years had +passed since I had had a sorrow akin to hers; we mothers may cease to +grieve, outwardly, but we never forget what has gone out of our sight, +or ever grow unsympathetic because time has soothed and quieted us. But +I need not say this to _you_. This was on Saturday; all day Monday I was +there watching a most lovely little girl, about six years old, writhing +in agony; she died early next morning. The next eldest has been in a +critical state, but will probably recover a certain degree of +health, but as a helpless cripple. Well, I felt that death alone was +_inexorable_--other enemies we may hope and pray and fight against--and +that while my children lived, I need not despair. The tax on my +sympathies in the case of those half-distracted parents has been +terrible, and yet I wouldn't accept a cold heart if I had the offer of +it. + +To give you another side of my life, let me tell you of a pleasant +dinner party one night last week, when we met Gov. and Mrs. C----, of +Massachusetts, and I fell in love with her then and there.... Well, this +is a queer world, full of queer things and queer people. Will the next +one be more commonplace? I know not. Good-bye. + +Word has come from that afflicted household that the grandfather has +died suddenly of heart disease. His wife died a few weeks ago. Mr. +Prentiss saw him on Saturday in vigorous health. + +_To Miss Rebecca F. Morse, New York, March 5,1872._ + +Can you tell me where the blotting-pads can be obtained? I have got into +a hospital of _spines_; in other words, of people who can only write +lying on their backs, one of them an authoress, and I think it would be +a mercy to them if I could furnish them with the means of writing with +more ease than they do now. I was sorry you could not come last Friday, +and hope you will be able to join us Saturday, when the club meets +here.... How you would have enjoyed yesterday afternoon with me! I went +to call on a lady from Vermont, who is here for spinal treatment, and +found in her room another of the patients. Two such bright creatures I +never met at once, and we got a-going at such a rate that though I had +never seen either of them before, I stayed nearly three hours! I mean to +have another dose of them before long, and give them another dose of E. +P. I have been reading a book called "The Presence of Christ" [9]--which +I liked so well that I got a copy to lend. It is not a great book, but I +think it will be a useful one. It says we are all idolaters, and reminds +me of my besetting sins in that direction. I feel overwhelmed when +I think how many young people are looking to me for light and help, +knowing how much I need both myself.... Every now and then some +Providential event occurs that wakes us up, and we find that we have +been asleep and dreaming, and that what we have been doing that made us +fancy ourselves awake, was mechanical. + +I must be off now to my sewing society, which is a great farce, since +I can earn thirty or forty times as much with my pen as I can with my +needle, and if they would let me stay at home and write, I would give +them the results of my morning's work. But the minute I stop going +everybody else stops. + +_To Mrs. Condict, April 7, 1872._ + +How I should love to spend this evening with you! This has been our +Communion Sunday, and I am sure the service would have been very +soothing to your poor, sore heart. And yet why do I say _poor_ when I +know it is _rich_? Oh, you might have the same sorrow without faith and +patience with which to bear it, and think how dreadful that would be! +Your little lamb has been spending his first Sunday with the Good +Shepherd and other lambs of the flock, and has been as happy as the +day is long. Perhaps your two children and mine are claiming kinship +together. If they met in a foreign land they would surely claim it for +our sakes; why not in the land that is not foreign, and not far off? But +still these are not the thoughts to bring you special comfort. "Thy will +be done!" does the whole. And yet my heart aches for you. Some one, who +had never had a real sorrow, told Mrs. N. that if she submitted to God's +will as she ought, she would cease to suffer. What a fallacy this is! +Mrs. N. was comforted by hearing that your little one was taken away by +the consequences of the fever, as her Nettie was, for she had reproached +herself with having neglected her to see to Johnny, who died first, and +thought this neglect had allowed her to take cold. I feel very sorry +when mothers torture themselves in this needless way, as if God could +not avert ill consequences, if He chose. + +I have shed more than one tear to-day. I heard last night that my +dearly-loved brother, Prof. Hopkins, is on his dying-bed. I never +thought of his dying, he comes of such a long-lived race. I expect to go +to see him, and if I find I can be of any use or comfort, stay a week or +two. His death will come very near to me, but he is a saintly man, and I +am glad for him that he can go. How thankful we shall be when our turn +comes! The ladies at our little meeting were deeply interested in what +I had to tell them about your dear boy, and prayed for you with much +feeling. May our dear Lord bless you abundantly with His sweet presence! +I know He will. And yet He has willed it that you should suffer. +"Himself hath done it!" Oh how glad He will be when the dispensation of +suffering is over, and He can gather His beloved round Him, tearless, +free from sorrow and care, and all forever at rest. + +_May 5th._--Yesterday, the friend at East Dorset whose three children +died within a few weeks of each other, sent me some verses, of which I +copy one for you: + + "The eye of faith beholds + A golden stair, like that of old, whereon + Fair spirits go and come; + God's angels coming down on errands sweet, + Our angels going home." + +I hope this golden stair, up which your dear boy climbed "with shout and +song," is covered with God's angels coming down to bless and comfort +you. One of the most touching passages in the Bible, to my mind, is +that which describes angels as coming to minister to Jesus after +His temptations in the wilderness. It gives one such an idea of His +helplessness! Just as I was going out to church this morning, Mr. +Prentiss told me of the death of a charming "baby-boy," one of our +lambs, and I could scarcely help bursting into tears, though I had only +seen him once. You can hardly understand how I feel, as a pastor's wife, +toward our people. Their sorrows come right home. I have a friend also +hanging in agonizing suspense over a little one who has been injured by +a fall; she is sweetly submissive, but you know what a mother's heart +is. I have yet another friend, who has had to give up her baby. She is a +young mother, and far from her family, but says she has "perfect peace." +So from all sides I hear sorrowful sounds, but so much faith and +obedience mingled with the sighs, that I can only wonder at what God can +do. + +_To Miss Morse, May 7, 1872._ + +How true and how strange it is that our deepest sorrows, spring from +our sweetest affections; that as we love much, we suffer much. What +instruments of torture our hearts are! The passage you quote is all true +but people are apt to be impatient in affliction, eager to drink the +bitter cup at a draught rather than drop by drop, and fain to dig up the +seed as soon as it is planted, to see if it has germinated. I am fond of +quoting that passage about "the peaceable fruit of righteousness" coming +"afterward." + +I have just come from the funeral of a little "Wee Davie"; all the +crosses around his coffin were tiny ones, and he had a small floral +harp in his hand. I thought as I looked upon his face, still beautiful, +though worn, that even babies have to be introduced to the cross, for he +had a week of fearful struggle before he was released.... I enclose an +extract I made for you from a work on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. +This was all the paper I had at hand at the moment. The recipe for +"curry" I have copied into my recipe-book, and the two lines at the top +of the page I addressed to M. A queer mixture of the spiritual and the +practical, but no stranger than life's mixtures always are. + +_To a young Friend, New York, May 20th, 1872._ + +As to assurance of faith, I think we may all have that, and in my own +darkest hours this faith has not been disturbed. I have just come home +from a brief visit to Miss ----, with whom I had some interesting +discussions. I use the word _discussions_ advisedly, for we love each +other in constant disagreement. She believes in holiness by faith, while +denying that she has herself attained it. I think her life, as far as I +can see it, very true and beautiful. We spent a whole evening talking +about temptation. Not long ago I met with a passage, in French, to this +effect--I quote from memory only: "God has some souls whom He can not +afflict in any ordinary way, for they love Him so that they are ready +for any outward sorrow or bereavement. He therefore scourges them with +inward trials, vastly more painful than any outward tribulation could +be; thus crucifying them to self." I can not but think that this +explains Mrs. ----'s experience, and perhaps my own; at any rate I feel +that we are all in the hands of an unerring Physician, who will bring +us, through varying paths, home to Himself. + +I had a call the other day from an intelligent Christian woman, whom +I had not seen for eighteen years. She said that some time ago her +attention was called to the subject of personal holiness, and as she +is a great reader, she devoured everything she could get hold of, and +finally became a dogmatic perfectionist. But experience modified these +views, and she fell back on the Bible doctrine of an indwelling Christ, +with the conviction that just in proportion to this indwelling will be +the holiness of the soul. This is precisely my own belief. This is +the doctrine I preached in Stepping Heavenward and I have so far seen +nothing to change these views, while I desire and pray to be taught any +other truth if I am wrong. I believe God does reveal Himself and His +truth to those who are willing to know it. + +_To Miss Morse, New York, May 31, 1872._ + +I got home yesterday from Williamstown, where I went, with my husband, +to attend the funeral of my dearly beloved brother, Professor Hopkins. +He literally starved to death. He died as he had lived, beautifully, +thinking of and sending messages to all his friends, and on his last day +repeating passages of Scripture and even, weak as he was, joining in +hymns sung at his bedside. The day of the funeral was a pretty trying +one for me, as there was not only his loss to mourn, but there were +traces of my darling mother and sister, who both died in that house, all +over it; some of my mother's silver, a white quilt she made when a +girl, my sister's library, her collection of shells and minerals, her +paintings, her little conservatory, the portrait of her only child, +dressed in his uniform (he was killed in one of the battles of the +Wilderness). Then, owing to the rain, none of us ladies were allowed to +go into the cemetery, and I had thought much of visiting my sister's +grave and seeing her boy lying on one side and her husband on the other. +But our disappointments are as carefully planned for us as our sorrows, +so I have not a word to say. + +After services at the house, we walked to the church, which we entered +through a double file of uncovered students. One of the most touching +things about the service was the sight of four students standing in +charge of the remains, two at the head and two at the foot of the +coffin. His poor folks came in crowds, with their hands full of flowers +to be cast into his grave. My brother said he never saw so many men +shed tears at a funeral, and I am sure I never did; some sobbing as +convulsively as women. I could not help asking myself when my heart was +swelling so with pain, whether love _paid_. Love is sweet when all goes +well, but oh how fearfully exacting it is when separation comes! How +many tithes it takes of all we have and are! + +A worthy young woman in our church has been driven into hysterics by +reading "Holiness through Faith." I went to see her as soon as I got +home from W. yesterday, but she was asleep under the influence of an +opiate. There is no doubt that too much self-scrutiny is pernicious, +especially to weak-minded, ignorant young people. It was said of Prof. +Hopkins that he would have been a mystic but for his love to souls, and +I am afraid these new doctrines tend too much to the seeking for peace +and joy, too little to seeking the salvation of the careless and +worldly. But I hesitate to criticise any class of good people, feeling +that those who live in most habitual communion with God receive light +directly and constantly from on high; and of that communion we can not +seek too much. [10] + + * * * * * + +IV. + +Christian Parents to expect Piety in their Children. Perfection. "People +make too much Parade of their Troubles." "Higher Life" Doctrines. Letter +to Mrs. Washburn. Last Visit to Williamstown. + + +Early in June she went to Dorset. The summer, like that of 1871, was +shadowed by anxiety and inward conflict; but her care-worn thoughts were +greatly soothed by her rural occupations, by visits from young friends, +and by the ever-fresh charms of nature around her. + +_To a Christian Friend, Dorset, June 9, 1872._ + +I was obliged to give up my much-desired visit to you. We went on to the +funeral of Prof. Hopkins, and that took three days out of the busy time +just before coming here. I particularly wanted you to know _at the time_ +that my three younger children united with the church on Sunday last, +but had not a moment in which to write you. It was a touching sight to +our people. Mr. P. looked down on his children so lovingly, and kissed +them when the covenant had been read. He said ---'s face was so full of +soul that he could not help it, and his heart yearned over them all. +Someone said there was not a dry eye in the house. I felt not elated, +not cast down, but at peace. I think it plain that Christian parents are +to _expect_ piety in their children, and expect it early. In mine it is +indeed "first the blade," and they will, no doubt, have their trials and +temptations. But it seems to me I must leave them in God's hands and let +Him lead them as He will. It was very sweet to have the elements passed +to me by their young hands. Offer one earnest prayer for them at least, +that they may prove true soldiers and servants of Jesus Christ. No doubt +your two little sainted ones looked on and loved the children of their +mother's friend. + +The following testimony of one of President Garfield's classmates and +intimate friends may fitly be added here: + +"For him there was but one Mark Hopkins in all the world; but for +Professor Albert Hopkins also, or 'Prof. Al.,' as he was called in those +days, the General--not only while at college, but all through life-- +entertained the highest regard, both as a man and a scholar. His +intellectual attainments were thought by Gen. G. to be of an unusually +fine order, rivalling those of his brother, and often eliciting the +admiration not only of himself, but of all the other students. In +speaking of his Williamstown life, Gen. Garfield always referred to +Prof. Hopkins in the most affectionate manner; and, both from his own +statements and my personal observation, I know that their mutual college +relations were of the pleasantest nature possible." + +On the subject of perfection, you say I am looking for angelic +perfection. I see no difference in kind. Perfection is perfection to my +mind, and I have always thought it a dangerous thing for a soul to fancy +it had attained it. Yet, in her last letters to me, Miss ---- virtually +professes to have become free from sin. She says self and sin are the +same thing, and that she is entirely dead to self. What is this but +complete sanctification? What can an angel say more? I feel painfully +bewildered amid conflicting testimonies, and sometimes long to flee away +from everybody. Miss ----'s last letter saddened me, I will own. +You say, "I am in danger of becoming morbid, or stupid, or wild, or +something I ought not." Why in danger? According to your own doctrine +you are safe; being "entirely sanctified from moment to moment." At any +rate I can say nothing "to quicken" you, for I _am_ morbid and stupid, +though just now not wild. Those sharp temptations have ceased, though +perhaps only for a season; but I have been physically weakened by them, +and have got to take care of myself, go to bed early, and vegetate all +I can--and this when I ought to be hard at work ministering to other +souls. The fact is, I don't know anything and don't do anything, but +just get through the day somehow, wondering what all this strange, +unfamiliar state of things will end in. Poor M---- has gone crazy on +"Holiness through Faith," and will probably have to go to an asylum.... +Our little home looks and is very pleasant. I take some comfort in it, +and try to realise the goodness that gives me such a luxury. But a soul +that has known what it is to live to Christ can be _happy_ only in Him. +May He be all in all to you, and consciously so to me in His own good +time. + +_To Miss Woolsey, Dorset, June 23, 1872._ + +I wish you could come and take a look at us this quiet afternoon. Not +a soul is to be seen or heard; the mountains are covered with the soft +haze that says the day is warm but not oppressive, and here and there a +brilliantly colored bird flies by, setting "Tweedle Dum," our taciturn +canary, into tune. M. and I have driven at our out-door work like a pair +of steam-engines, and you can imagine how dignified I am from the fact +that an old fuddy-duddy who does occasional jobs for me, summons me to +my window by a "Hullo!" beneath it, while G. says to us, "Where are you +girls going to sit this afternoon?" + +Your sister's allusion to Watts and Select Hymns reminds me of ages long +past, when I used to sing the whole book through as I marched night +after night through my room, carrying a colicky baby up and down for +fifteen months, till I became a living skeleton. We do contrive to live +through queer experiences. + +_To a young Friend, Dorset, Aug. 3, 1872._ + +The lines you kindly copied for me have the ring of the true metal and I +like them exceedingly. People make too much parade of their troubles and +too much fuss about them; the fact is we are all born to tribulation, as +we also are to innumerable joys, and there is no sense in being too +much depressed or elated by either. "The saddest birds a season find to +sing." Few if any lives flow in unmingled currents. As to myself, my +rural tastes are so strong, and I have so much to absorb and gratify +me, that I _need_ a mixture of experience. Two roses that bloomed in my +garden this morning, made my heart leap with delight, and when I get +off in the woods with M., and we collect mosses and ferns and scarlet +berries, I am conscious of great enjoyment in them. At the same time, +if I thought it best to tell the other side of the story, I should want +some very black ink with which to do it. We must take life as God gives +it to us, without murmurings and disputings, and with the checks on our +natural eagerness that keeps us mindful of Him. + +You speak of the "Higher Life people." I still hold my judgment in +suspense in regard to their doctrines, reading pretty much all they send +me, and asking daily for light from on high. I have had some talks this +summer with Dr. Stearns on these subjects, and he urges me to keep where +I am, but I try not to be too much influenced for or against doctrines I +do not, by experience, understand. Let us do the will of God (and suffer +it) and we shall learn of the doctrine. + +_To Mrs. Washburn, Kauinfels, Friday Evening, (September, 1872)._ + +I have done nothing but tear my hair ever since you left, to think I let +you go. It would have been so easy to send you to Manchester to-morrow +morning, after a night here, and an evening over our little wood-fire, +but we were so glad to see you both, so bewildered by your sudden +appearance, that neither of us thought of it till you were gone. And +now you are still within reach, and we want you to reconsider your +resolution to turn your backs upon us after such a long, fatiguing +journey, and eating no salt with us. I did not urge your staying because +I do so hate to be urged myself. But I want you to feel what a great +pleasure it would be to us if you could make up your minds to stay at +least over Sunday, or if to-morrow and Sunday are unpleasant, just a day +or two more, to take our favorite drives with us, and give us what you +may never have a chance to give us again. I declare I shall think you +are crazy, if you don't stay a few days, now that you are here. We have +been longing to have you come, and only waiting for our place to be a +little less naked in order to lay violent hands on you; but now you have +seen the nakedness of the land, we don't care, but want you to see more +of it. This is the time, and _exactly_ the time, when we have nothing +to do but to enjoy our visitors, and next year the house may be running +over. And if you don't come now, you'll have the plague of having to +come some other time, and it is a long, formidable journey. + +Why _didn't_ we just take and lock you up when we had hold of you! Well, +now I've torn out _all_ my hair, and people will be saying, "Go up, thou +bald-head." Besides--you left them bunch-berries! and do you suppose you +can go home without them? Why, it wouldn't be safe. You would be run off +the track, and scalded by steam, and broken all to pieces, and caught on +the cow-catcher, and get lost, and be run away with, and even struck by +lightning, I shouldn't wonder. And now if you go in to-morrow's train +you'll catch the small-pox and the measles and the scarlet fever and the +yellow fever, and all the colors-in-the-rainbow fever, and go into a +consumption and have the pleurisy, and the jaundice and the tooth-ache +and the headache, and, above all, the conscience-ache. And you never ate +any of our corn or our beans! You never so much as asked the receipt for +our ironclads! You haven't seen our cow. You haven't been down cellar. +You haven't fished in our brook. You haven't been here at all, now I +come to think of it. I dreamed you flew through, but it was nothing +_but_ a dream. And the houses have a habit of burning down, and ours is +going to do as the rest do, and then how'll you feel in your minds? And +when folks set themselves up against us, and won't let us have our own +way, why then "I tell my daughter + + What _makes_ folks do as they'd oughter not, + And why _don't_ they do as they'd oughter?" + +And we all pine away and die like the babes in the woods, and nobody's +left to cover us up with leaves. Send all these arguments home by +telegram, and your folks will shoot you if you dare to go. I could write +another sheet if it would do any good. Now do lay my words to heart, and +come right back. + +_To Miss Morse, Dorset, Oct. 7, 1872._ + +I sent home my servants a month ago, and they have been getting the +parsonage to rights, while I have in their places two dear old souls who +came to live with me twenty years ago. One stayed ten years and then got +married, the other I parted with when my children died because I did +not need her. It has been a green spot in the summer to have these +affectionate, devoted creatures in the house. We have had only one +slight frost, but the woods have been gradually changing, and are in +spots very beautiful. We (you know what that word means) have been off +gathering bright leaves for ourselves and the servants, who care for +pretty things just as we do. Yet not a flower has gone; we have had a +host of verbenas and gladioli, some Japanese lilies, and so on, and have +been able to give some pleasure to those who have not time to cultivate +them for themselves. It has been a dreadful season for sickness here, +and flowers have been wanted in many a sick-room, and at some funerals. + +Since I wrote you last "we" have been to Williamstown. I wanted to get +possession of my sister's private papers. Everything passed off nicely; +I burned a large amount and brought away a trunk full, a part of which I +have been reading with deep interest. Her journals date back to the age +of fifteen, though to read the early ones you would never dream of her +being less than twenty or thirty. She was a wonderful woman, and as +I found such ample material for a memorial of her life, I felt half +tempted to carry out her husband's wishes and complete one. But on the +whole I do not think I shall. You can imagine how my soul has been +stirred by the whole thing; the farewell to the familiar objects of +my childhood, the sense of a new race taking possession of her +conservatory, her shells, her minerals, her pictures, her German, +French, Italian, Spanish, Latin, Hebrew and Greek library--dear me! but +I need not enlarge on it to you. And how stupid it is not to forget it +all alongside of her ten years in heaven! + + +[1] "Especially after a time of some special seasons of grace, and some +special new supplies of grace, received in such seasons, (as after the +holy sacrament), then will he set on most eagerly, when he knows of the +richest booty. The pirates that let the ships pass as they go by empty, +watch them well, when they return richly laden; so doth this great +Pirate."--Archbishop Leighton, on I Peter, v. 8. + +[2] "Cynegvius, a valiant Athenian, being in a great sea-fight against +the Medes, espying a ship of the enemy's well manned, and fitted for +service, when no other means would serve, he grasped it with his hands +to maintain the fight; and when his right hand was cut off, he held +close with his left; but both hands being taken off, he held it fast +with his teeth." + +[3] The following lines found on one of its blank pages were written +perhaps at this time: + + Precious companion! rendered dear + By trial-hours of many a year, + I love thee with a tenderness + Which words have never yet defined. + + When tired and sad and comfortless, + With aching heart and weary mind, + How oft thy words of promise stealing + Like Gilead's balm-drops--soft and low. + Have touched the heart with power of healing, + And soothed the sharpest hour of woe. + +[4] A friend writing to Mrs. Prentiss, under date of September 24, 1872, +refers to Lady Stanley's high praise of The Story Lizzie Told, and then +adds: "You must be so accustomed to friendly 'notices'--so almost bored +by them--that I hesitate to tell you of meeting another admirer of yours +in the person of Mrs. ----, of Philadelphia, who was indebted to you for +the return of a little text-book. She means to call on you some day, if +she is ever in New York, to thank you in person for that act of kindness +of yours, and for your 'Stepping Heavenward.' She is a daughter of the +late Chief Justice of Pennsylvania. Her mother, a staunch old Scotch +lady over 80, has just returned from Europe. Mrs. ---- is a very +interesting woman, of warm religious feelings and very outspoken. She +was the companion of the famous Mrs. H., of Philadelphia, all through +the war,--as one of the independent workers, or perhaps in connection +with the Christian Commission. She witnessed the battle of +Chancellorsville--a part of it at Mary's Heights, and has told me a +great deal that was thrilling--told as _she_ tells it--even at this +late day. She has the profoundest belief in what is called the 'work of +faith' by prayer and I don't believe she would shrink from accepting +Prof. Tyndall's challenge." + +[5] From the "Power of the Cross of Christ." + +[6] "Briefe an eine Freundin," a remarkable little book, full of light +and sweetness. + +[7] Praying before others. + +[8] Since the warning we had the other day that we may be snatched from +our children, ought we not to try to form some plan for them in case of +such an emergency? I can't account for it, that in those fearful moments +I thought only of them. I should have said I ought to have had some +thought of the world we seemed to be hurrying to. I suppose there was +the instinctive yet blind sense that the preparation for the next life +had been made for us by the Lord, and that, as far as that life was +concerned, we had nothing to do but to enter it. I shudder when I think +what a desolate home this might be to-day. Poor things! they've got +everything before them, without one experience and discipline!--_From a +letter to her husband, dated Dorset, Sept. 17, 1871._ + +[9] The Presence of Christ. Lectures on the XXIII. Psalm. By Anthony W. +Thorold, Lord Bishop of Rochester. A. D. F. Randolph & Co. + +[10] Albert Hopkins was born in Stockbridge, Mass., July 14,1807. He +was graduated at Williams College in the class of 1826, and three years +later became Professor of Mathematics and Natural Philosophy in the same +institution. Astronomy was afterward added to his chair. In 1834 he +went abroad. In the summer of 1835 he organised and conducted a Natural +History expedition to Nova Scotia, the first expedition of the kind in +this country. Two years later he built at his own expense, and in +part by the labor of his own hands, the astronomical observatory at +Williamstown. In this also, it is said, in advance of all others erected +exclusively for purposes of instruction. He was a devoted and profound +student, as well as an accomplished teacher, of natural science. But he +was still more distinguished for his piety and his religious influence +in the college. Hundreds of students in successive classes learned +to love and revere him as a holy man of God--many of them as their +spiritual father. The history of American colleges affords probably no +instance of a happier, or more remarkable, union of true science with +that personal holiness and zeal for God, by which hearts are won for +Christ. Full of faith and of the Holy Ghost, he did the work of an +evangelist for more than forty years--not in the college only, but all +over the town. During the last six years of his life he devoted himself +especially to the White Oaks--a district in the north-east part of +Williamstown-which had long before excited his sympathy on account of +the poverty, vice, and degradation which marked the neighborhood. He +identified himself with the population by buying and carrying on a small +farm among them. He also established a Sunday-school, and then he built +with the aid of friends a tasteful chapel, which was dedicated in +October, 1866. Later "the Church of Christ in the White Oaks" was +organised, and here, as his failing strength allowed, he preached and +labored the rest of his days. + +Prof. Hopkins was an enthusiastic lover of nature. A few years before +his death he organised a society called "The Alpine Club," composed +chiefly of young ladies, with whom, as their chosen leader, he made +excursions summer after summer--camping out often among the hills. He +took them to many a picturesque nook and retreat, of which they had +never heard, in the mountains near by. He also explored with them other +interesting and remoter portions of northern Berkshire, and interpreted +to them on the spot the thoughts of God, as they appeared in the +infinitely varied and beautiful details of His works. In these +excursions he seemed as young as any of his young companions, with +feelings as fresh and joyous as theirs. In earlier years he was a very +grave man, with something of the old Puritan sternness in his looks and +ways, and he bore still the aspect of a homo gravis; but his gentleness, +his tender devotion to the gay young companions who surrounded him, and +the almost boyish delight with which he shared in their pleasures, took +away all its sternness and lighted up his strongly-marked countenance +with singular grace and beauty. In these closing years of his life he +was, indeed, the ideal of a ripe and noble Christian manhood. His name +is embalmed in the memory of a great company of his old pupils, now +scattered far and wide, from the White House at Washington to the +remotest corners of the earth. + +P.S.--This was written soon after the inauguration of Gen. Garfield, to +whom allusion is made. His high regard for the venerable ex-President of +Williams College--the Rev. Dr. Mark Hopkins--he made known to the whole +country, but the younger brother was also the object of his warmest +esteem and love, and the feeling was heartily reciprocated. Nearly a +score of years ago, when he was just emerging into public notice from +the bloody field of Chickamauga, Prof. Hopkins spoke of him to the +writer in terms so full of praise and so prophetic of his future +career, that they seem in perfect harmony with the sentiment at once of +admiration and poignant grief which to-day moves the heart of the whole +American people--yea, one might almost say, which is inspiring all +Christendom.--_Saturday, Sept. 24, 1881._ + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +PEACEABLE FRUIT. 1873-1874. + +I. + +Effect of spiritual Conflict upon her religious Life. Overflowing +Affections. Her Husband called to Union Theological Seminary. Baptism of +Suffering. The Character of her Friendships. No perfect Life. Prayer. +"Only God can satisfy a Woman." Why human Friendship is a Snare. +Letters. + + +The trouble which had so long weighed upon her heart, crossed with her +the threshold of 1873, but long before the close of the year it had in +large measure passed away. Such suffering, however, always leaves its +marks behind; and when complicated with ill-health or bodily weakness, +often lingers on after its main cause has been removed. It was so in her +case; she was, perhaps, never again conscious of that constant spiritual +delight which she had once enjoyed. But if less full of sunshine, her +religious life was all the time growing deeper and more fruitful, was +centering itself more entirely in Christ and rising faster heavenward. +Its sympathies also became, if possible, still more tender and loving. +Her whole being, indeed, seemed to gather new light and sweetness from +the sharp discipline she had been passing through. Even when most tried +and tempted, as has been said, she had kept her trouble to herself; few +of her most intimate friends knew of its existence; to the world she +appeared a little more thoughtful and somewhat careworn, but otherwise +as bright as ever. But now, at length, the old vivacity and playfulness +and merry laugh began to come back again. Never did her heart glow with +fresher, more ardent affections. In a letter to a young cousin, who was +moving about from place to place, she says: + +I shall feel more free to write often, if you can tell me that the +postmaster at C. forwards your letters from the office at no expense to +you, as he ought to do. It is very silly in me to mind your paying three +cents for one of my love-letters, but it's a Payson trait, and I can't +help it, though I should be provoked enough if you _did_ mind paying a +dollar apiece for them. There's consistency for you! Well, I know, and +I'm awfully proud of it, that you'll get very few letters from as loving +a fountain as my heart is. I've got enough to drown a small army--and +sometimes when you're homesick, and cousin-Lizzy-sick, and friend-sick, +I shall come to you, done up in a sheet of paper, and set you all in a +breeze. + +Her letters during the first half of this year were few, and relate +chiefly to those aspects of the Christian life with which her own +experience was still making her so familiar. "God's plan with most of +us," she wrote to Mrs. Humphrey, "appears to be a design to make us +flexible, twisting us this way and that, now giving, now taking; but +always at work for and in us. Almost every friend we have is going +through some peculiar discipline. I fancy there is no period in our +history when we do not _need_ and _get_ the sharp rod of correction. The +thing is to grow strong under it, and yet to walk softly." "I do not +care how much I suffer," she wrote to a friend, "if God will purge and +purify me and fit me for greater usefulness. What are trials but angels +to beckon us nearer to Him! And I do hope that mine are to be a blessing +to some other soul, or souls, in the future. I can't think suffering is +meant to be wasted, if fragments of bread created miraculously, were +not." She studied about this time with great interest the teaching of +Scripture concerning the baptism of the Holy Ghost. The work of the +Spirit had not before specially occupied her thoughts. In her earlier +writings she had laid but little stress upon it--not because she +doubted its reality or its necessity, but because her mind had not been +led in that direction. Stepping Heavenward is full of God and of Christ, +but there is in it little express mention of the Spirit and His peculiar +office in the life of faith. When this fact was brought to her notice +she herself appeared to be surprised at it, and would gladly have +supplied the omission. To be sure, there is no mention at all of the +Holy Spirit in several of the Epistles of the New Testament; but a +carefully-drawn picture of Christian life and progress, like Stepping +Heavenward, would, certainly, have been rendered more complete and +attractive by fuller reference to the Blessed Comforter and His +inspiring influences. + +_To a young Friend, New York, Jan. 8, 1873._ + +I feel very sorry for you that you are under temptation. I have been +led, for some time, to pray specially for the tempted, for I have +learned to pity them as greater sufferers than those afflicted in any +other way. For, in proportion to our love to Christ, will be the agony +of terror lest we should sin and fall, and so grieve and weary Him. "One +sinful wish could make a hell of heaven"; strong language, but not too +strong, to my mind. I can only say, suffer, but do not yield. Sometimes +I think that silent, submissive patience is better than struggle. It is +sweet to be in the sunshine of the Master's smile, but I believe our +souls need winter as well as summer, night as well as day. Perhaps not +to the end; I have not come to that yet, and so do not know; I speak +from my own experience, as far as it goes. Temptation has this one good +side to it: it keeps us _down_; we are ashamed of ourselves, we see we +have nothing to boast of. I told you, you will perhaps remember, that +you were going to enter the valley of humiliation in which I have dwelt +so long, but I trust we are only taking it in our way to the land of +Beulah. And how we "pant to be there"! What a curious friendship ours +has been! and it is one that can never sever--unless, indeed, we fall +away from Christ, which may He in mercy forbid!... I do pray for you +twice every day, and hope you pray for me. I do long so to know the +truth and to enter into it. Certainly I have got some new light during +the last year, in the midst of my trials, both within and without. + +To another young friend she writes a few days later: + +I remember when I was, religiously, at your age I was longing for +holiness, but my faith staggered at some of the conditions for it. I had +no conception, much as Christ was to me, what He was going to become. +But I wish I could make you a birth-day present of my experience since +then, and you could have Him now, instead of learning, as I had to learn +Him, in much tribulation. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Jan. 15, 1873._ + +I have been meaning, for some days, to write you about the +Professorship. [1] It is a new one, and is called "the Skinner and +McAlpine" chair, and Mr. Prentiss says there could not be a more +agreeable field of usefulness. It is most likely that he will feel it +to be his duty to accept. As to myself, I am about apathetic on the +subject. My will has been broken over the Master's knee, if I may use +such an expression, by so much suffering, that I look with indifference +on such outward changes. We can be made willing to be burnt alive, if +need be. For four or five years to come I shall not be obliged to leave +the church I love so dearly; if the Seminary is moved out to Harlem, it +will be different; but it is not worth while to think of that now. +It seems to me that Mr. P. has reached an age when, never being very +strong, a change like this may be salutary. _February 3d._--You will be +sorry to hear that dear Mrs. C. is quite sick. Her daughters are all +worn out with the care of her. I was there all day Saturday, but I can +do nothing in the way of night watching; nor much at any time. A very +little over-exertion knocks me up this winter. It is just as much as +I can do to keep my head above water.... Sometimes I think that the +_dreadful_ experience I have been passing through is God's way of +baptizing me; some _have_ to be baptized with suffering. Certainly He +has been sitting as the Refiner, bringing down my pride, emptying me of +this and that, and not leaving me a foot to stand on. If it all ends in +sanctification I don't care what I suffer. Though cast down, I am not in +despair. + +It is an encouragement to hear Mahan compare states of the soul to +house-cleaning time. [2] It is just so with me. Every chair and table, +every broom and brush is out of place, topsy-turvy.... But I can't +believe God has been wasting the last two years on me; I can't help +hoping that He is answering my prayer, my cry for holiness--only in a +strange way. Dr. and Mrs. Abbot spent Sunday and Monday with us a week +ago, and I read to them Dr. Steele's three tracts and lent them Mahan. +They were much interested, but I do not know how much struck. I can not +smile, as some do, at Dr. Steele's testimony. I believe in it fully and +heartily. If I do not know what it is to "find God real," I do not know +anything. Never was my faith in the strongest doctrines of Christianity +stronger than it is now. + +_Feb. 13th._--I spent part of yesterday in reading Stepping Heavenward! +You will think that very strange till I add that it was in German; and, +as the translator has all my books, I wanted to know whether she had +done this work satisfactorily before authorising her to proceed with the +rest. She has omitted so much, that it is rather an abridgment than a +translation; otherwise it is well done. But she has so purged it of +vivacity, that I am afraid it will plod on leaden feet, if it plods at +all, heavenward. And now I must hurry off to my sewing-circle. + +_To a young Friend, April 4, 1873._ + +I want to correct any mistaken impression I have made on you in +conversation. The utmost I meant to say was, that I had got new light +intellectually, or theologically, on the subject of the working of the +Spirit. In the sense in which I use the words "baptism of the Holy +Ghost," I certainly do not consider that I have received it. I think +it means _perfect consecration_.... Thus far, no matter what people +profess, I have never come into close contact with any life that I did +not find more or less imperfect. I find, in other words, the best human +beings fallible, and _very fallible_. The best I can say of myself is, +that I see the need of _immense_ advances in the divine life. I find it +hard to be patient with myself when I see how far I am from reaching +even my own poor standard; but if I do not love Christ and long to +please Him, I do not love anybody or anything. And if I have talked less +to you on these sacred subjects this winter, it has been partly owing +to my seeing less of you, and an impalpable but real barrier between us +which I have not known how to account for, but which made me cautious in +pushing religion on you. Young people usually have their ups and +downs and fluctuations of feeling before they settle down on to fixed +_principles_, paying no regard to feeling, and older Christians should +bear with them, make allowance for this, and never obtrude their own +views or experiences. I think you will come out all right. Satan will +fight hard for you, and perhaps for a time get the upper hand; but I +believe the Lord and Master will prevail. Perhaps we are never dearer to +Him than when the wings on which we once _flew_ to Him, hang drooping +and broken at our side, and we have to make our weary way on foot. + +I am always thankful to have my heart stirred and warmed by Christian +letters or conversation; always glad to see any signs of the presence +of the Holy Spirit at work in a human soul. But never force yourself to +write or talk of spiritual things; try rather to get so full of Christ +that mention of Him shall be natural and spontaneous. + +_To the Same, April 15, 1873._ + +I have just been reading the sermon of Dr. Hopkins on prayer you sent +me. It sounds just like him. I think his brother and mine (by marriage) +would have treated the subject just as logically and far more +practically; still, under the circumstances, that was not desirable. +As to myself, I would rather have the simple testimony of some unknown +praying woman, who is in the habit of "_waiting_" on God, than all the +theological discussions in the world. The subject, as you know, is one +of deep interest to me. + +I have not answered your letter, because I was not quite sure what it +was best to say. During the winter I was not sure what had come between +us, and thought it best to let time show; and I have been harassed and +perplexed by certain anxieties, with which it did not seem necessary to +trouble you, to a degree that may have given me a preoccupied manner. +There have been points where I wanted a divine illumination which I did +not get. I wanted to hear, "This is the way, walk in it"; but that word +has not come yet, and almost all my spiritual life has been running in +that one line, keeping me, necessarily, out of sympathy with everybody. +As far as this has been a fault, it has reacted upon you, to whom I +ought to have been more of a help. But I can say that it delights me to +see you even trying to take a step onward, and to know that while still +young, and with the temptations of youth about you, you have set +your face heavenward. Your temptations, like mine, are through the +affections. "Only God can satisfy a woman"; and yet we try, every now +and then, to see if we can't find somebody else worth leaning on. _We +never shall_, and it is a great pity we can not always realise it. I +never deliberately make this attempt now, but am still liable to fall +into the temptation. I am _sure_ that I can never be really happy and +at rest out of or far from Christ, nor do I want to be. Getting new +and warm friends is all very well, but I emerge from this snare into a +deepening conviction that I must learn to say, "None but Christ."... +Now, dear ----, it is a dreadful thing to be cold towards our best +Friend'; a calamity if it comes upon us through Satan; a sin and folly +if it is the result of any fault or omission of our own. There is but +one refuge from it, and that is in just going to Him and telling Him all +about it. We can not force ourselves to love Him, but we can ask Him to +_give_ us the love, and sooner or later He _will_. He may seem not to +hear, the answer may come gradually and imperceptibly, but it will +come. He has given you one friend at least who prays for your spiritual +advance every day. I hope you pray thus for me. Friendship that does not +do that is not worth the name. _April 17th_.--Of course, I'll take the +will for the deed and consider myself covered with "orange blossoms," +like a babe in the wood. And it is equally of course that I was married +with lots of them among my lovely auburn locks, and wore a veil in point +lace twenty feet long. + +I have had several titles given me in Dorset--among others, a "child of +nature"--and last night I was shown a letter in which (I hope it is +not wicked to quote it in such a connexion) I am styled "a Princess in +Christ's Kingdom." Can you cap this climax? + + * * * * * + +II. + +Goes to Dorset. Christian Example. At Work among her Flowers. Dangerous +Illness. Her Feeling about Dying. Death an "Invitation" from Christ. +"The Under-current bears _Home_." "More Love, More love!" A Trait of +Character. Special Mercies. What makes a sweet Home. Letters. + + +Early in June, accompanied by the three younger children, she went to +Dorset. This change always put her into a glow of pleasurable emotion. +Once out of the city, she was like a bird let loose from its cage. In a +letter to her husband, dated "Somewhere on the road, five o'clock +P.M.," she wrote: "M. is laughing at me because, Paddy-like, I proposed +informing you in a P. S. that we had reached Dorset; as if the fact of +mailing a letter there could not prove it. So I will take her advice and +close this now. I feel that our cup of mercies is running over. We ought +to be ever so good! And I _am_ ever so loving!" "We are all as gay as +larks," she wrote a few days later; and in spite of heat, drought, +over-work and sickness, she continued in this mood most of the summer. +But while "gay as a lark," she was also grave and thoughtful. Her +delight in nature seemed only to increase her interest in divine things +and her longing to be like Christ. In a letter to one of her young +friends, having spoken of prayer as "the greatest favor one friend can +render another," she adds: + +But perhaps I may put one beyond it--Christian example. I ought to be so +saintly, so consecrated, that you could not be with me and not catch the +very spirit of heaven; never get a letter from me that did not quicken +your steps in the divine life. But while I believe the principle of love +to Christ is entrenched in the depths of my soul, the emotion of love is +hot always in that full play I want it to be. No doubt He judges us +by the principle He sees to exist in us, but we can't help judging +ourselves, in spite of ourselves, by our feelings. At church this +morning my mind kept wandering to and fro; I thought of you about twenty +times; thought about my flowers; thought of 501 other things; and then +got up and sang + + "I love Thy kingdom, Lord," + +as if I cared for that and nothing else. What He has to put up with in +me! But I believe in Him, I love Him, I hate everything in my soul and +in my life that is unlike Him. I hope the confession of my shortcomings +won't discourage you; it is no proof that at my age you will not be far +beyond such weakness and folly as often carry me away captive.... As far +as earthly blessings go I am as near perfect happiness as a human being +can be; everything is _heaped_ on me. What I want is more of Christ, and +that is what I hope you pray that I may have. + +To another young friend she writes, June 12th: + +We have varied experiences, sick or well, and the discipline of a heart +not perfectly satisfied with what it gets from God, often alternates +with the peace of which you speak as just now yours. What a blessed +thing this "very peace of God" is! There is no earthly joy to be +compared with it. But to go patiently on without it, when it is not +given, is, I think, a great achievement; for instance, if I held no +communication with you for a year, would it not be a wonderful proof of +your love to and faith in me, if you kept on writing me and telling me +your joys and trials? To go back--I have been a good deal confused by +the contradictory testimony of different Christians, and am driven more +and more to a conviction that human beings, _at the best_, are very +fallible. We must get our light directly from on high. At the same +time we influence each other for right or for wrong, and one who is +thoroughly upright and true, will, unconsciously, influence and help +those about him.... I am enjoying, as I always do, having the three +younger children close about me here, and all sleeping on my floor. We +are really like _four_ children, continually frolicking together. We are +all crowded now into my den, and I wish you were here with us to be the +"_fifth_ kitten." Did you ever read that story? + +_To Mrs. Catherine G. Leeds, Dorset, July 12, 1873._ + +It was ever so kind in you to let us share in your relief and pleasure, +and we unite in affectionate congratulations to you all. I do hope this +new and precious treasure will be spared to his dear mother, and grow +up to be her stay and staff years hence. It is the nicest thing in +the world to have a baby. What marvels they are in every respect, but +especially in their royal power over us! + +In spite of the dry weather we have had a pleasant summer, so far. Just +before we entirely burned up and turned to tinder, showers came to our +relief, and our gardens are putting on some faint smiles and making +some promises. I did not allow a drop of water to be wasted for weeks; +dish-water, soap-suds, dairy water, everything went to my flower-beds, +and each night, after Mr. Prentiss came, a barrel-full was carted up +from the pond for me; how many the rest used I don't know. Disposing of +such a load has not been blessed to my health, and I have had to draw in +my horns a little, but M. and I work generally like two day-laborers +for the wages we get, and those wages are flowers here, there and +everywhere, to say nothing of ferns, brakes, mosses, scarlet berries, +and the like. And when flowers fail we fall back on different shades of +green; the German ivy being relieved by a background of dark foliage, +or light grasses against grave ones; and when we hit on any new +combination, each summons the other to be lost in admiration. And when +we are too sore and stiff from weeding, grass-shearing or watering, we +fall to framing little pictures, or to darning stockings, which she +does so beautifully that it has become a fine art with her, or I betake +myself to the sewing-machine and stitch for legs that seem to grow long +by the minute. + +What the rest of the family are about meanwhile, I can not exactly say. +Mr. Prentiss sits in a chair with an umbrella over his head, and pulls +up a weed now and then, and then strolls off with a straw in his mouth; +he also drives off sometimes on foraging expeditions, and comes back +with butter, eggs, etc., and on hot days takes a bath where a stream of +cold water dashes over him; "splendid" he says, and "horrid" I say. +The boys are up to everything; they are carpenters, and plumbers, and +trouters, and harnessers, and drivers; H. has just learned to solder, +and saves me no little trouble and expense by stopping leakages; +heretofore every holey vessel had to be sent out of town. Both boys have +gardens and sell vegetables to their father at extraordinary prices, and +they are now filling up a deep ditch 500 feet long at a "York shilling" +an hour--men get a "long shilling" and do the work no better. With the +money thus made they buy tools of all sorts, seeds and fruit trees, +but no nonsense. Three happier children than these three can not be +found.... + +You may be interested, too, to know what are the famous works of art we +are framing, as above referred to. Well, photographs of our kindred +and friends for one thing: my brothers, my husband's mother and other +relatives of his, Prof. and Mrs. Smith, Mr. and Mrs. B. B., and so on, +a good deal as it has happened, for everybody hasn't been photographed; +and some bodies have not given us their pictures--you, for instance, and +if you want to be hung as high as Haman in my den, nine feet square, +where I write, why, you can. Last summer I had a mania for illuminating, +and made about a cord of texts and mottoes; I can't paint, so I cut +letters out of red, blue and black paper, and deceived thereby the very +elect, for even Mrs. Washburn was taken in, and said they were painted +nicely. + +Your little note has drawn large interest, hasn't it? Well, it deserved +its fate. + +Hardly had she finished this letter when she was taken very ill. For a +while it seemed as if the time of her departure had come. At her request +the children were called to her bedside, and she gave them in turn her +dying counsels, bade them live for Christ as the only true, abiding +good, and then kissed each of them good-bye. She was much disappointed +on finding that her sickness, after all, was not an "invitation" from +the Master. "You don't get away _this_ time," said her husband to her, +half playfully, half exultingly, referring to her eagerness to go. + +And here it may not be amiss to say a word as to her state of mind +respecting death. After her release her husband thus described it to a +friend: + +Her feeling about dying seemed to me to be almost unique. In all my +pastoral experience, at least, I do not recall another case quite like +it. Her faith in a better world, that is, a heavenly, was quite as +strong as her faith in God and in Christ; she regarded it as the true +home of the soul; and the tendency of a good deal of modern culture to +put _this_ world in its place as man's highest sphere and end, struck +her as a mockery of the holiest instincts at once of humanity and +religion. Death was associated in her mind with the instant realisation +of all her sweetest and most precious hopes. She viewed it as an +invitation from the King of Glory to come and be with Him. During the +more than three-and-thirty years of our married life I doubt if there +was ever a time when the summons would have found her unwilling to go; +rarely, if ever, a time when she would not have welcomed it with great +joy. On putting to her the question, "Would you be ready to go _now?_" +she would answer, "Why, yes," in a tone of calm assurance, rather of +visible delight, which I can never forget. And during all her later +years her answer to such a question would imply a sort of astonishment, +that anybody could ask it. So strong, indeed, was her own feeling about +death as a real boon to the Christian, that she was scarcely able, I +think, fully to sympathise with those who regarded it with misgiving +or terror. The point may be illustrated, perhaps, by referring to her +perfect fearlessness and repose in the midst of the most terrific +thunder-storm. No matter how vivid the lightning's flashes or how near +and loud the claps that followed, they affected her nerves as little as +any summer breeze--scarcely ever awaking her if asleep, or hindering her +from going to sleep if awake. And so it was with regard to the terrors +of death. But not merely was there an absence of all apparent dread of +death, but an exulting joy in the thought of it. There is a passage +in The Home at Greylock, which was evidently inspired by her own +experience. It is where old Mary, when her first wild burst of grief was +over, said: + +Sure she's got her wish and died sudden. She was always ready to go, and +now she's gone. Often's the time I've heard her talk about dying, and I +mind a time when she thought she was going, and there was a light in her +eye, and "What d'ye think of that?" says she. I declare it was just as +she looked when she says to me, "Mary, I'm going to be married, and what +d'ye think of that?" says she. + +This feeling about death is the more noteworthy in her case because of +her very deep, poignant sense of sin and of her own unworthiness. + +_To a Friend, Dorset, July 27, 1873._ + +This is my third Sunday home from church. I have been confined to my bed +only about a week, but it took me some days to run down to that point, +and now it is taking some to run me up again. I had two or three very +suffering days and nights, and the doctor was here nearly all of one +day and night, but was very kind, understood my case and managed it +admirably. He is from Manchester and is son of a missionary. [3] + +You speak in your letter of being oppressed by the heat, and wearied by +visitors, and say that prayer is little more than uttering the name of +Jesus. I have asked myself a great many times this summer how much that +means. + + "All I can utter sometimes is Thy name!" + +This line expresses my state for a good while. Of course getting out +of one house into another and coming up here, all in the space of one +month, was a great tax on time and strength, and all my regular habits +_had_ to be broken up. Then before the ram was put in I over-exerted +myself, unconsciously, carrying too heavy pails of water to my +flower-beds, and so broke down. For some hours the end looked very near, +but I do not know whether it was stupidity or faith that made me so +content to go. I am afraid that a good deal of what passes for the one +is really the other. Fortunately for us, our faith does not entitle us +to heaven any more than our stupidity shuts us out of it; when we get +there it will be through Him who loved us. But if I may judge by the +experience of this little illness, our hearts are not so tied to or in +love with this world as we fear. We make the most of it as long as we +_must_ stay in it; but the under-current bears _home_. + +The following extract from a letter to a young relative, dated Sept. +23d, furnishes at once a key to several marked traits of her character +and a practical comment upon her own hymn, "More love to Thee, O +Christ!" + +I had no right to leave my friend undefended. I prayed to do it aright. +If I did not I am not ashamed to say I am sorry for it, and ask you to +forgive me. And if I were twice as old as I am, and you twice as young, +I would do it. I will not tolerate anything wrong in myself. I hate, I +hate sin against my God and Saviour, and sin against the earthly friends +whom I love with such a passionate intensity that they are able to wring +my heart out, and always will be, if I live to be a hundred.... People +who feel strongly express themselves strongly; vehemence is one of +my faults. Let us pray for each other. We have great capacities for +enjoyment, but we suffer more keenly than many of our race. I have been +an intense sufferer in many ways; the story would pain you; nobody can +go through this world with a heart and a soul, and jog along smoothly +long at a time.... I do not remember ever having a discussion on paper +with my husband; we should not dare to run the risk. But I know I said +something once in a letter, I forget what, that made him snatch the +first train and rush to set things right, though it cost him a two days' +journey. We are tremendous lovers still. Write and tell me we've kissed +and made up! We both mean well; we don't want to hurt each other; but +each has one million points that are very vulnerable. And neither can +know these points in the other by intuition; a cry of pain will often be +the first intimation that the one can hurt the other just there. We +must touch each other with the tips of our fingers.... To love Christ +more--this is the deepest need, the constant cry of my soul. Down in the +bowling-alley, and out in the woods, and on my bed, and out driving, +when I am happy and busy, and when I am sad and idle, the whisper keeps +going up for more love, more love, more love! + +_To a Christian Friend, Dorset, Oct. 3, 1873._ + +I do hope you will be in New York this winter and your mother, too. What +a blessing to have a mother with whom one can hold Christian communion! +You need some trials as a set-off to it. You say few live up to what +light they have; it is true; I think we get light just as fast as we are +ready for it. At the same time I must own that I have not all the light +I need. I am still puzzled as to the true way to live; how far to +cherish a spirit that makes one sit very lightly to all earthly things, +when that spirit unfits one, to a great extent, to be an agreeable, +thoroughly sympathising companion to one's children, for instance. My +children have a real horror of Miss ----, because she thinks and talks +on only one subject; of course it never would do for me to do as she +does, as far as they are concerned. Perhaps the problem may be solved by +a resort to the fact that we are not called to the same experience. And +yet an experience of as perfect love and faith as is ever vouchsafed to +a soul on earth, is what I long for. At times my heart dies within me +when I realise how much I need. As you say, no doubt the mental strain I +had been passing through prepared the way for my break-down in health; +as I lay, as I thought, dying, I said so to myself. That strain is over; +I am in a sense at rest; but not satisfied. I have been too near to +Christ to be _happy_ in anything else; I don't mean by that, however, +that I never _try_ to be happy in other things--alas, I do. + +As to the minor trials, no life is without them. But what mercies we get +every now and then! The other day three letters came to me by one mail, +each of which was important, and came from exactly the quarter where I +was troubled, and dispersed the trouble to a great degree. In fact I am +overwhelmed with mercies, and dreadfully stupid and unthankful for them. +I have had also some experiences of late of the smallness and meanness, +of which you have had specimens. One has to betake oneself to prayer to +get a sight of One, who is large-hearted and noble and good and true. +Oh, how narrow human narrowness must look to Him! I don't know how many +times I have smiled at your remark about Miss ----: "She seems to have +such a hard time to learn her lessons." I feel sorry for her in one +sense, but if she belongs to Christ, isn't He home enough for her? I +think it _always_ a very doubtful experiment to offer other people a +home with you; and equally doubtful whether such an offer is wisely +accepted. Being a saint does not, I am sorry to say, necessarily make +one an agreeable addition to the family circle as God has formed it; +if His hand _sends_ this new element into the house, of course one may +expect grace to bear it; but voluntarily to seek it argues either want +of experience or an immense power of self-sacrifice. I should prefer +Miss ----'s friends agreeing to give her an independent home, as far as +a boarding-house can furnish a home. And if it provides a place in which +to pray, as sweet a home may be found there as anywhere. + +We go to town on the ninth of this month. Mr. Prentiss has been gone +some time, and has entered upon his new duties with great delight. I +must confess that if I were going to choose my work in life, I could +think of nothing more congenial than to train young Christians. It has +come over me lately that _all_ those whom he now instructs, have more +or less of the new life in them. I am sorry, however, to add that some +young theological friends of mine deny this. They say that many young +men preparing for the ministry give no other sign of piety. Young people +judge hastily and severely. As soon as I get over my first hurry, after +reaching home, I hope you will come and see me.... You speak of my +experience on my sick-bed as a precious one. To tell you the truth, it +does not seem so to me; I mean, nothing extraordinary. Not to want to +go, if invited, would be a contradiction to most of my life. But as I +was _not_ invited I realise that I am needed here; and I am afraid it +was selfish to be so delighted to go, horribly selfish. + + * * * * * + +III. + +Change of Home and Life in New York. A Book about Robbie. Her Sympathy +with young People. "I have in me Two different Natures." What Dr. De +Witt said at the Grave of his Wife. The Way to meet little Trials. +Faults in Prayer-Meetings. How special Theories of the Christian Life +are formed. Sudden Illness of Prof. Smith. Publication of _Golden +Hours_. How it was received. + + +Her return from Dorset brought with it a new order of life. The transfer +of her husband to a theological chair was almost as great a change to +her as to him. In ceasing to be a pastor's wife she gave up a position, +which for more than a quarter of a century had been to her a spring of +constant joy, and which, notwithstanding its cares, she regarded as one +of the most favored on earth. While in the parsonage, too, she was in +the midst of her friends; the removal to Sixty-first street left the +most of them at a distance; and distance in New York is no slight +hindrance to the full enjoyment of social intimacy and fellowship. +Several weeks after the return to town were devoted to the congenial +task of fitting-up and adorning the new home. Then for the first time in +many years she found herself at leisure; and one of its earliest fruits +was a selection of stray religious verses for publication; which, +however, soon gave way to a volume of her own. She was able also to give +special attention to her favorite religious reading. + +The sharp trials and suffering of the previous years showed their effect +in deepened spiritual convictions, humility and tenderness of feeling, +but not in repressing her natural playfulness. At times her spirits were +still buoyant with fun and laughter. An extract from a letter to her +youngest daughter, who with her sister was on a visit at Portland, will +give a glimpse of this gay mood. Such mishaps as she recounts are liable +to occur in the best-regulated households, especially on a change of +servants; but they were rare in her experience and so the more amused +her: + +I undertook to get up a nice dinner for Dr. and Mrs. V----, about which +I must now tell you. First I was to have raw oysters on the shell. +_Blunder 1st_, small tea-plates laid for them. Ordered off, and big ones +laid. _Blunder 2d_, five oysters to be laid on each plate, instead of +which five were placed on platters at each end, making ten in all for +the whole party! Ordered a change to the original order. Result, +a terrific sound in the parlor of rushing feet and bombardment of +oyster-shells. Dinner was announced from Dr. P., who asked, helplessly, +where he should place Mrs. V----. _Blunder 4th_ by Mrs. P., who remarked +that she had got fifty pieces of shell in her mouth. _Blunder 5th_ by +Dr. P., who failed to perceive that the boiled chickens were garnished +with a stunning wine-jelly and regarding it as gizzards, presented it +only to the boys! _Blunder 6th_. Cranberry-jelly ordered. Cranberry as +a dark, inky fluid instead; gazed upon suspiciously by the guests, and +tasted sparingly by the family.--And now prepare for _blunder No_. 7, +bearing in mind that it is the third course. _Four_ prairie hens instead +of two! The effect on the Rev. Mrs. E. Prentiss was a resort to her +handkerchief, and suppression of tears on finding none in her pocket. +_Blunder 8th_. Iauch's biscuit glace stuffed with hideous orange-peel. +_Delight 1st_, delicious dessert of farina smothered in custard and dear +to the heart of Dr. V----. _Blunder 9th_. No hot milk for the coffee, +delay in scalding it, and at last serving it in a huge cracked pitcher. +_Blunder 10th_. Bananas, grapes, apples, and oranges forgotten at the +right moment and passed after the coffee and of course declined. But +hearing that Miss H. V. was fond of bananas, I seized the fruit-basket +and poured its contents into one napkin, and a lot of chocolate-cake +into another, and sent them to the young princesses in the parsonage, +who are, no doubt, dying of indigestion, this morning. Give my love to +C. and F., and a judicious portion to the old birds. + +_To a young Friend, Oct. 19,1873._ + +I am sorry that we played hide-and-go-seek with each other when you were +in town. I have seen all my most intimate friends since I came home; I +mean all who live here. There are just eight of them, but they fill my +heart so that I should have said, at a guess, there were eighty! Try the +experiment on yourself and tell me how many such friends you have. It is +very curious. + +I have just got hold of some leaves of a journal rescued from the flames +by my (future) husband, written at the age of 22, in which I describe +myself as "one great long sunbeam." It recalled the sweet life in Christ +I was then leading, and made me feel that if I had got so far on as a +girl, I ought to be _infinitely_ farther on as a woman. Still, in spite +of all shame and regrets, I had a long list of mercies to recount at the +communion-table to-day. Among other things I feel that I know and love +you better than heretofore, and it is pleasant to love. I must not +forget to answer your little niece's questions. I remember her father's +calling with your sister, but I don't remember any little girl as being +with them, much less "kissing her because she liked the Susy books." +As to writing more about Robbie, I can't do that till I get to heaven, +where he has been ever so many years. Give my love to the wee maiden, +and tell her I should love to kiss her. + +No trait in Mrs. Prentiss was more striking than her sympathy with young +people, especially with young girls, and her desire to be religiously +helpful to them. But her interest in them was not confined to the +spiritual life. She delighted to join them in their harmless amusements, +and to take her part in their playful contests, whether of wit or +knowledge. Her friend, Miss Morse, thus recalls this feature of her +character: + +In Mrs. Prentiss' life the wise man's saying, _A merry heart doeth good +like a medicine_, was beautifully exemplified. Yet few were thoroughly +acquainted with this phase of her character. Those who knew her +only through her books, or her letters of Christian sympathy and +counsel--many even who came into near and tender personal relations to +her--failed to see the frolicsome side of her nature which made her an +eager participant in the fun of young people--in a merry group of girls +the merriest girl among them. In contests where playful rhymes were to +be composed at command, on a moment's notice, she sharpened the wits of +her companions by her own zest, but in most cases herself bore off the +palm. + +She always entered into such contests with an unmistakable desire to +win. I remember one evening in her own home in Dorset, when four of us +were engaged in a game of verbarium, two against two--the opposite party +were gaining rapidly. She suddenly turned to her partner with a comical +air of chagrin and exclaimed: "Why is it they are winning the game? You +and I are a great deal brighter than they!" + +The first time I ever saw Mrs. Prentiss was through an invitation to her +home to meet about half a dozen young persons of my own age. She was in +one of her merriest moods. Games of wit were played and she took part +with genuine interest. She at once impressed me with the feeling that +she was one of us, and that this arose from no effort to be sympathetic, +but was simply part of her nature. + +This brightness wonderfully attracted young people to her, and gave her +an influence with them that she could not otherwise have exercised. She +recognised it in herself as a power, and used it, as she did all her +powers, for the service of her Master. Young Christians, seeing that her +deeply religious life did not interfere with her keen enjoyment of all +innocent pleasures, realised that there need be no gloominess for them, +either, in a life consecrated to God. + +Just as her line of thought would often lie absorbingly in some one +direction for quite a period of time, so her fun ran "in streaks," as +she would have been likely to express it. One winter she amused herself +and her friends by a great number of charades and enigmas, many of +which I copied and still possess. They were dashed off with an ease and +rapidity quite remarkable. And I believe the same thing was true of most +of her books. I have watched her when she was writing some funny piece +of rhyme, and as her pen literally flew over the paper, I could hardly +believe that she was actually composing as she wrote. One day two young +girls were translating one of Heine's shorter poems. They had agreed to +send their several versions to an absent friend, who on his part was to +return his own to them. Mrs. Prentiss entered heartily into the plan and +in an hour had written as many as a dozen translations, all in English +rhyme and differing entirely one from the other. The stimulating effect +on the genius of her companions was such that over thirty translations +were produced in that one afternoon. + +In thinking of the ease with which Mrs. Prentiss would suddenly turn +from grave to gay and the reverse, I often recall her answer when I one +day remarked on this trait in her. + +"Yes, I have in me two very different natures. Did you ever hear the +story of the dog, who by an accident was cut in two, and was joined +together by a wonderful healing salve? Unfortunately, the pieces were +not put together properly, so two of his legs stood up in the air. At +first his master thought it a great misfortune, but he found that the +dog, when a little accustomed to his strange new form, would run until +tired on two legs, and then by turning himself over he would have a +fresh unused pair to start with, and so he did double duty! I am like +that dog. When I am tired of running on one nature, I can turn over and +run on the other, and it rests me." [4] + +I want to spend a few minutes of this my birthday in talking with you in +reply to your letter. + +_To a Christian Friend, New York, Oct. 26, 1873._ + +I want to tell you how I love you, because you "learn your lessons" so +easily, and how thankful I am that in your great trials and afflictions +you have been enabled to glorify God. How small trouble is when set over +against that! Is not Christ enough for a human soul? Does it really need +anything else for its happiness? You will remember that when Madame +Guyon was not only homeless, but deprived of her liberty, she was +perfectly happy. "A little bird am I." [5] It seems to me that when God +takes away our earthly joys and props, He gives Himself most generously; +and is there any joy on earth to be compared for a moment with such a +gift?... My husband has just come in and described the scene at Mrs. De +Witt's funeral, [6] when her husband said, _Good-bye, dear wife, you +have been my greatest blessing next to Christ_; and he added, "and that +I can say of you." This was very sweet to me, for _I_ have faults of +manner that often annoy him--I am so vehement, so positive, and lay down +the law so! But I believe the grace of God can cure faults of all sorts, +be they deep-seated or external. And I ought to be one of the best women +in the world, if I am good in proportion to the gifts with which I am +overwhelmed. I count it not the least of your and my mercies, that we +have been permitted to add four little children to the happy company +above. No wonder you miss your darling boy, but I am sure you would not +call him back. Have you any choice religious verses not in any book, +that you would like to put into one I am going to get up? + +_To the Same, Nov. 12th._ + +I want you and your mother to know what I am now busy about, hoping it +may set you to praying over it. When I asked you for bits of poetry, I +meant pieces gleaned from time to time from newspapers. My plan was to +make a compilation, interspersing verses of my own anonymously. But Mr. +Randolph has convinced me that it is my duty and privilege to have the +little book all original, and to appear as mine; and in unexpected ways +my will about it has been broken, and I have ceased from all morbid +shyness about it, and am only too thankful that God is willing thus to +use me for His own glory. Of course, I shall meet with a good deal of +misapprehension and disgust from some quarters, but not from you or +yours. It is a comfort, on the other hand, to think of once more +ministering to longing or afflicted souls, as I hope to do in these +lines, written for no human eye. You say Jesus is pained when His dear +ones suffer. I hardly think that can be. Tender sympathy He no doubt +feels, but not pain. If He did, He would be miserable all the time, the +world is so full of misery. + +When I look back over my own life, the precious times were generally +seasons of great suffering; so much so, that the idea of discipline has +become a hobby. But one can only learn all this by experience. Mrs. ---- +says she never sings the verse containing "E'en though it be a cross +that raiseth me," and that little children never talk in that way to +their mothers, and, therefore, we ought not to talk so to God! I did not +argue with her about it, but I felt thankful that I could sing and say +that line very earnestly, and had been taught to do so by the Spirit of +God. + +_To a Friend in Texas, New York, Dec. 1, 1873._ + +I am glad you like Faber better on a closer acquaintance. He certainly +has said some wonderful things among many weak and foolish ones. What +you quote from him about thanksgiving is very true. Our gratitude bears +no sort of comparison with our petitions or our sighs and groans. It is +contemptible in us to be such thankless beggars. As to domestic cares, +you know Mrs. Stowe has written a beautiful little tract on this +subject--"Earthly Care a Heavenly Discipline." God never places us in +any position in which we can not grow. We may fancy that He does. We +may fear we are so impeded by fretting, petty cares that we are gaining +nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be +sending roots downward. Perhaps in the time of our humiliation, when +everything seems a failure, we are making the best kind of progress. God +delights to try our faith by the conditions in which He places us. A +plant set in the shade shows where its heart is by turning towards the +sun, even when unable to reach it. We have so much to distract us in +this world that we do not realise how truly and deeply, if not always +warmly and consciously, we love Christ. But I believe that this love is +the strongest principle in every regenerate soul. It may slumber for a +time, it may falter, it may freeze nearly to death; but sooner or later +it will declare itself as the ruling passion. You should regard all your +discontent with yourself as negative devotion, for that it really is. +Madame Guyon said boldly, but truly, "O mon Dieu, plutot pecheur que +superbe," and that is the consoling word I feel like sending you to-day. +I know all about these little domestic foxes that spoil the vines, and +sympathise with you in yours. But if some other trial would serve God's +purpose, He would substitute it. + +_To a young Friend, New York, Dec. 3, 1873._ I was interested in what +you wrote about Miss G. and of Dr. C.'s meeting. You say she spends her +time in young works of benevolence. This shows that her piety is of +the genuine sort. It is hard to have faith in mere talk. It is a great +mystery to me, that, while we meet with negative faults in ordinary +prayer-meetings, we find so many positive faults in more earnest ones. +Perhaps there is less of self in those who conduct them than we imagine. +I always regret to see talk to each other supplant address to God in +such meetings--always. As to Miss ---- and others making a "creed" as +you say out of their experience, I think it may be accounted for in this +way: They come suddenly into possession of thoughts and emotions to +which others are led gradually; they are startled and overwhelmed by the +novelty of the revelations, and at once form a theory on the subject; +and, having formed the theory, they fall to so interpreting the Bible as +to support it. Those who reach the point they have reached more +slowly are not startled, and do not need to form theories or seek for +unscriptural expressions with which to declare what they have learned. +They are probably less self-conscious, because they have not been aiming +to enter any school formed by man, but have been simply following after +Christ; hardly knowing what they expect will be the result, but +getting a great deal of sweet peace on the way. And they also acquire, +gradually, a certain kind of heaven-taught wisdom, whose access comes +not with observation; blessed truths revealed by the Holy Spirit, full +of strength and consolation. + +At any rate, this is as far as I have come to; there may be oceans of +knowledge I have yet to acquire, which will modify or wholly change my +range of thought. And, according to what light I have, I am inclined +to advise you not to confuse yourself with trying to believe in or +experience this or that because others do, but to get as close to Christ +as you can every day of your life; feeling sure that if you do, He by +His Spirit will teach you all you need to know. There has been to my +mind, during the last few weeks, something awe-inspiring in the sense +I have had of the way in which God instructs His ignorant, forgetful, +stupid children. Such goodness, such patience, such love! And, on the +other hand, our _amazing_ coldness and ingratitude. + +_To Mrs. Smith, New York, Dec. 21, 1873._ + +I wanted to see you before you left, but it would have been cruel to add +to the cares and distractions amid which you were hurrying off. [7] ... +I am reading, with great interest, the letters of Sara Coleridge. What +strikes me most in her is, that knowing so much of her, one still feels +what _lots_ there is more to her one does not know. _22d._--Strangely +enough, in writing you last evening, I forgot to tell you how much +prayer is being offered for you and your husband, and what intense +sympathy is expressed. Dr. Vincent said he could not bear to hear +another word about his sufferings. Mrs. L---- said, "I do love that +man." Mrs. D., herself all knotted up with rheumatism, would hardly +speak of herself when she heard he was so ill; and this is only a +specimen of the deep feeling expressed on all sides.... I am glad you +find anything to like in my poor little book. I hear very little about +it, but its publication has brought a blessing to my soul, which shows +that I did right in thus making known my testimony for Christ. My will +in the matter was quite overturned. + +The "poor little book" appeared under the title of _Religious Poems_, +afterwards changed to _Golden Hours; Hymns and Songs of the Christian +Life_. In a letter of Mrs. Prentiss to a friend, written in 1870, occurs +this passage: + +Most of my verses are too much my own personal experience to be put in +print now. After I am dead I hope they may serve as language for some +other hearts. After I am dead! That means, oh ravishing thought! that I +shall be in heaven one day. + +Until the fall of 1873 her husband and two or three friends only knew of +the existence of these verses, and their publication had not crossed her +mind. But shortly after her return from Dorset she was persuaded to let +Mr. Randolph read them. She soon received from him the following letter: + +The poems _must_ be printed, and at once! "We"--that is, the firm living +at Yonkers--read aloud all the pieces, except those in the book, at one +sitting, and would have gone on to the end but that the eyes gave out. +Out of the lot three or four pieces were laid aside as not up to the +standard of the others. The female member of the firm said that Mrs. +Prentiss would do a wrong if she withheld the poems from the public. +This member said _he_ should give up writing, or trying to write, +religious verses. + +I am not joking. The book must be printed. We were charmed with the +poems. Some of them have all the quaintness of Herbert, some the simple +subjective fervor of the German hymns, and some the glow of Wesley. They +are, as Mrs. R. said, out of the beaten way, _and all true_. So they +differ from the conventional poetry. If published, there may be here and +there some sentimental soul, or some soul without sentiment, or some +critic who doats on Robt. Browning and don't understand him, or on +Morris, or Rossetti, because _they_ are high artists, who may snub the +book. Very well; for compensation you will have the fact that the +poems will win for you a living place in the hearts of thousands--in a +sanctuary where few are permitted to enter. + +A day or two later Mr. Randolph wrote in reply to her misgivings: + +If I had the slightest thought that you would make even a slight mistake +in publishing, I would say so. As I have already said, I am _sure_ that +the book would prove a blessing in ten thousand ways, and at the same +time add to your reputation as a writer. + +She could not resist this appeal. The assurance that the verses would +prove a blessing to many souls disarmed her scruples and she consented +to their publication. The most of them, unfortunately, bore no date. But +all, or nearly all of them, belong to the previous twenty years, and +they depict some of the deepest experiences of her Christian life during +that period; they are her tears of joy or of sorrow, her cries of +anguish, and her songs of love and triumph. Some of them were hastily +written in pencil, upon torn scraps of paper, as if she were on a +journey. Were they all accompanied with the exact time and circumstances +of their composition, they would form, in connection with others +unpublished, her spiritual autobiography from the death of Eddy and +Bessie, in 1852, to the autumn of 1873. [8] + +As she anticipated, the volume met in some quarters with anything but a +cordial reception; the criticisms upon it were curt and depreciatory. +Its representation of the Christian life was censured as gloomy and +false. It was even intimated that in her expressions of pain and sorrow, +there was more or less poetical affectation. Alluding to this in a +letter to a friend, she writes: + +I have spoken of the deepest, sorest pain; not of trials, but of sorrow, +not of discomfort, but of suffering. And all I have spoken of, I have +felt. Never could I have known Christ, had I not had large experience of +Him as a chastiser.... You little know the long story of my life, nor is +it necessary that you should; but you must take my word for it that if +I do not know what suffering means, there is not a soul on earth that +does. It has not been my habit to say much about this; it has been a +matter between myself and my God; but the _results_ I have told, that He +may be glorified and that others may be led to Him as the Fountain of +life and of light. I refer, of course, to the book of verses; I never +called them poems. You may depend upon it the world is brimful of pain +in some shape or other; it is a "_hurt_ world." But no Christian should +go about groaning and weeping; though sorrowing, he should be always +rejoicing. During twenty years of my life my kind and wise Physician was +preparing me, by many bitter remedies, for the work I was to do; I can +never thank or love Him enough for His unflinching discipline. + +Even the favorable notices of the volume, with two or three exceptions, +evinced little sympathy with its spirit, or appreciation of its literary +merits. [9] But while failing to make any public impression, the little +book soon found its way into thousands of closets and sick-rooms and +houses of mourning, carrying a blessing with it. Touching and grateful +testimonies to this effect came from the East and the farthest West and +from beyond the sea. The following is an extract from, a letter to Mr. +Randolph, written by a lady of New York eminent for her social influence +and Christian character: + +The book of heart-hymns is wonderful, as I expected from the specimens +which you read to me from the little scraps of paper from your desk. Do +you know that I _lived_ on them ("The School" and "My Expectation is +from Thee") and was greedy to get the book that I might read them again +and again. And behold, the volume is full of the things I have felt +so often, _expressed_ as no one ever expressed them before. I am +overwhelmed every time I read it. Mr ---- and the children have quite +laughed at "Mamma's enthusiasm" over a book of poems, as I am considered +very prosaic. I made C. read two or three of them and he _surrenders_. +N. too, who is full of appreciation of poetry as well as of the _best +things_, is equally delighted. I carried the volume to a sick friend and +read to her out of it. I wish you could have seen how she was comforted! +I do not know Mrs. Prentiss, but if you ever get a chance, I would like +you to tell her what she has done for me. + +A highly cultivated Swiss lady wrote from Geneva: + +What a precious, precious book! and what mercy in God to enable us to +understand, and say Amen from the heart to every line! It was He who +caused you to send me a book I so much needed--and I thank Him as much +as you. + + * * * * * + +IV. + +Incidents of the Year 1874. Prayer. Starts a Bible-Reading in Dorset. +Begins to take Lessons in Painting. A Letter from her Teacher. +Publication of _Urbane and his Friends_. Design of the Work. Her views +of the Christian Life. The Mystics. The Indwelling Christ. An Allegory. + + +During the winter and early spring of 1874 Mrs. Prentiss found much +delight in attending a weekly Bible-reading, held by Miss Susan Warner. +She was deeply impressed with the advantages of such a mode of studying +the Word of God, and in the course of the summer was led to start a +similar exercise in Dorset. Her letters will show how much satisfaction +it gave her during all the rest of her life. + +Another incident, that left its mark upon this year, was the sudden +and dangerous illness of her husband. His life was barely saved by an +immediate surgical operation. He convalesced very slowly and it was many +months before she recovered from the shock. + +_To a Christian Friend, Jan. 25, 1874._ + +I do not perfectly understand what you say about prayer, but it reminds +me of Mrs.----'s expressing surprise at my praying. She said she did +not, because Christ was all round her. But it is no less a fact that +Christ Himself spent hours in prayer, using language when He did so. +That does not prove, however, that He did not hold silent, mystical +communion with the Father. It seems to me that communion is one thing, +and intercessory prayer another; my own prayers are chiefly of the +latter class; the sweet sense of communion of which I have had so much, +has been greatly wanting; I dare not ask for it; I must pray as the +Spirit gives me utterance. No doubt your experience is beyond mine; +I can conceive of a silence that unites, not separates, as existing +between Christ and the soul. As to her of whom we sadly spoke, I am so +absolutely lost in confusion of thought that I feel as if chart and +compass had gone overboard. I believe there can be falls from the +highest state of grace, and that sometimes a fall is the best thing that +can happen to one; but it is an appalling thought. How wary all this +should make you and me!... Though I have felt the greatest respect for +Miss ----, I have often wondered why I did not _love_ her more. Well, +we have a new reason for fleeing to Christ in this perplexity and +disappointment. I had let her be in many things my oracle, and perhaps +no human being ought to be that. Shall we ever learn to put no +confidence in the flesh? My husband thinks Miss ---- insane. + +_To a young Friend, Jan 27, 1874._ + +The comfort I have had as the fruit of close acquaintance with a +sick-room! I see more and more how _wise_ God was, as well as how +good, in hiding me away during all the years that might have been very +tempting, had I had my freedom. My publishing this book [10] was a sort +of miracle; I _never_ meant to do it, but my will was taken away and +it was done in one short month. I should not expect a girl as young as +yourself to respond to much of it, but I am glad you found anything to +which you could.... When I received my own great blessing thirty-five +years ago, I was younger than you are now, and hadn't half the light you +have, nor did I know exactly what to aim at, but blundered and suffered +not a little.... It seems to me that it is eminently fitting that we +should go to the throne of grace together, and expect, in so doing, a +different kind of blessing from that sought alone, in the closet. I +never feel any embarrassment in praying with those older and better than +myself; the better they are, the less disposed they will be to look down +upon me. The truth is, we are all alike in being poor and needy, and it +is a good thing to get together and confess this to our Father, in each +other's hearing. I can unite cordially with anyone, man, woman or child, +who really _prays_. A very illiterate person could win my heart if I +knew he truly loved the Lord Jesus, no matter how clumsily he expressed +that love; and his prayers would edify me. Perhaps you can not look at +this matter exactly as I do. I know I _suffered_ for years, whenever I +prayed with others, old or young; but I persevered in what I believed to +be a duty, until, not so very long ago, the duty became a pleasure, all +fear of man being taken away. I never think anything about what sort of +a prayer I make; in fact _I_ make no prayer; we have to speak as the +Spirit gives us utterance. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Kauinfels,_ [11] _Aug. 16, 1874._ + +Yesterday Miss H. came down and asked me if I would start a +Bible-reading at her house. I told her I would with pleasure. This +morning I decided to open with the Sermon on the Mount, and have been +studying the first promise. Do take your Bible and study that verse by +reading the references. I am _delighted_ that our dear Lord has at last +pointed out my mission to this village. I have long prayed that He would +open a way of access to hearts here. Pray next Wednesday afternoon that +I may be a witness for Him. There are a number of families boarding in +town, who will join the reading. Miss H. wanted to give notice from the +pulpit, but I could not consent to that.... You say your mother asks +about my book. It is a queer one, and I am not satisfied with it; but my +husband is, and thinks it will do good. God grant it may. I entitle it +Paths of Peace; or, Christian Friends in Council. [12] After the most +earnest prayer for light, I can not preach sinless perfection. I think +God has provided a way to perfection, and that that is, "looking unto +Jesus." If the "higher life" means utter sinlessness then I shall have +to own that I have never had any experience of it. Mr. P. has given me +a world of anxiety. He will go round everywhere, even on jolting +straw-rides; his wound is nearly healed, however. He is _looking_ the +picture of health, but feels uncomfortable and sleeps restlessly. I went +up to the tavern lately as a great piece of self-denial to call on a +lady boarding there, and found I had thus stumbled on to fine gold; the +gold you and I love. She is the wife of the Rev. Mr. R., of Flushing. + +Soon after returning to town she began to take lessons in oil painting. +Her teacher was Mrs. Julia H. Beers--now Mrs. Kempson--a lady gifted +with much of the artistic power belonging to her distinguished brothers, +William and James M. Hart. In this new pursuit Mrs. Prentiss passed many +very busy and happy hours. The following letter to her husband gives +Mrs. Kempson's recollections of them: + +FIRTREE COTTAGE, METUCHEN, _Jan. 27, 1880._ + +My dear Dr. Prentiss:--When the news came of Mrs. Prentiss' death I felt +that I had lost a friend whose place could not be filled. I never had a +pupil in whom I was so much interested, or one that I loved so dearly. +She has told me many times that "the days spent with me were red-letter +days in her life." They certainly were in my own. I shall never +forget her first visit to my studio on the corner of Fifth avenue and +Twenty-sixth street. We had not met before, and I felt somewhat awed in +the presence of an authoress. But in a few minutes we were fast friends. +Taking one of my portfolios in her arms she asked, "May I sit down on +the floor and take this in my lap?" Of course I assented. She pored over +the contents with the delight of a child. Then turning to me she said, +"This is what I have had a craving for all my life. There has always +been a want unsupplied; I knew not what it was; but now I know. It was a +reaching out for the beautiful. Look at my white hair and tell me if it +would be possible for me to learn." I replied, "Yes, if you desire to do +so." "Will you take me for a pupil?" she asked. "I do not know which end +of the brush to use." "No matter," I said; "I can teach you." + +She became my pupil and you know the result. But you can not know, as I +do, the delight she took in her studies. My ordinary pupils were limited +to two hours. But I said to her, "Come at ten and stay as long as you +please." Punctual to the moment she came, seated herself at her easel, +and rarely left it while the light lasted. I never saw such enthusiasm +or such appreciation. At first her progress was slow, but as she gained +knowledge of the materials, it became very rapid. In my opinion she had +remarkable talent, and, if spared, might even have made herself a name +as an artist. I have had hundreds of pupils, but not one of them ever +made such progress. What a delight it was to teach her! All her quaint +sayings and her beautifully expressed thoughts I treasured up as +precious things. She always brought brightness to the studio with her. I +can see her so plainly this moment as she came in one morning. "Well," +she said, "I thought when I commenced painting if ever I painted a daisy +that did not need to be labeled, I should be proud, and I have done it." +I wish, dear Dr. Prentiss, I could recall the thousand and one pleasant +things that every now and then have occurred to me, while I was thinking +of her. I tried to write to you when I heard of your great loss, but my +heart failed me. I could not, nor can I, imagine you living without her. +In her last letter to me she says, speaking of my daughter's marriage: + +I hope thirty years hence the twain will be as much in love with each +other as two old codgers of my acquaintance, who go on talking heavenly +nonsense to each other after the most approved fashion. + +How little I then dreamed that we should never meet again! I should much +like to see you all. I have not forgotten that pleasant summer at Dorset +in 1875, nor the great pan of blackberries you picked for me with your +own hands. + +With kindest regards, very sincerely, + +JULIA H. KEMPSON. + +_To Mrs. Humphrey, New York, Dec. 1874._ + +After learning how to manage a "Bible-reading" by attending Miss +Warner's once a week for four or five months, I got my tongue so loosed +that I have held one by request at Dorset. The interest in it did not +flag all summer, and ladies, young and old, came from all directions, +not only to the readings, but with tears to open their hearts to me. +Some hitherto worldly ones were among the number. I have also helped +to start one at Elizabeth, another at Orange, another at Flushing. My +husband says if one were held in every church in the land the country +would be revolutionised. It is just such work as you would delight in. +Do forgive the blots; I am tearing away on this letter so that I forget +myself and dip up too much ink. I have been urged to hold three readings +a week in different parts of the city, but that is not possible. You +can't imagine how thankful I am that I have at last found a sphere of +usefulness in Dorset. + +We had a great shock last spring when Mr. Prentiss was stricken down; I +do not dare to think how hard it would have been to become husbandless +and homeless at one blow. But I well know that no earthly circumstances +need really destroy our happiness in that which is, after all, _our +Life_. Even if it is only for the few years before our boys leave home, +never to return permanently to it, I shall be thankful to have it left +as it is--if that is best. If I had not known what my husband's trouble +was, and summoned aid in the twinkling of an eye, Dr. Buck says he would +have died. He would certainly have died if he had been at Dorset. He has +never recovered his strength, but is able to give his lectures. Although +I did very little nursing, I got a good deal run down, especially from +losing sleep, and have had to go to bed at half-past eight or nine all +summer and thus far in the winter. + +I am taking lessons this winter in oil-painting with A. She has the +advantage of me in having had lessons in drawing, while I have had none. +My teacher says she never had a beginner do better than I, so I think +beginners very awkward mortals, who get paint all over their clothes, +hands and faces, and who, if they get a pretty picture, know in the +secrecy of their guilty consciences it was done by a compassionate +artist who would fain persuade one into the fancy that the work was +one's own. + +What you say about my having done you good surprises me. Whatever +treasure God has in me is hidden in an earthen vessel and unseen by my +own eyes.... I feel every day how much there is to learn, how much to +unlearn, and that no genuine experience is to be despised. Some people +roundly berate Christians for want of faith in God's word, when it is +want of faith in their own private interpretation of His word. I think +that when the very best and wisest of mankind get to heaven, they'll get +a standard of holiness that might make them blush; only it is not likely +they _will_ blush. + +In the latter part of this year _Urbane and His Friends_ appeared. +Urbane is an aged pastor and his Friends are members of his flock, whom +he had invited to meet him from week to week for Christian counsel and +fellowship. Some of their names, Antiochus, Hermes, Junia, Claudia, +Apelles and the like, sound rather strange, but, together with those +more familiar, they are all borrowed from the New Testament. + +_Urbane and His Friends_ is the only book of a didactic sort written by +Mrs. Prentiss. It is not, however, wholly didactic, but contains also +touches of narrative and character that add to its interest. Among the +topics discussed are: The Bible, Temptation, Faith, Prayer, the Mystics, +"The Higher Christian Life," Service, Pain and Sorrow, Peace and Joy, +and the Indwelling Christ. She was dissatisfied with the work and +required some persuasion before she would consent to its being +published. But its spiritual tone, its tenderness, its "sweet +reasonableness," and the bright little pictures of Christian truth and +life, which enliven its pages, have led some to prize it more than any +other of her writings. + +And here it may not be out of place to insert the following letter +of her husband, written several months after her death. It gives her +matured views on certain points relating to the Christian life, about +which there has been no little difference of opinion: + +NEW YORK, _April 16, 1879._ + +MY DEAR FRIEND:--Many thanks for your kind words about Urbane and +His Friends. So far at least as the aim and spirit of the book are +concerned, no praise could exceed its merits. It was written with +a single desire to honor Christ by aiding and cheering some of His +disciples on their way heavenward. At that time, as you know, there +was a good deal of discussion about "the Higher Christian Life" and +"Holiness through Faith." She herself had felt some of the difficulties +connected with the subject, and was anxious to reach out a helping hand +to others similarly perplexed. I do not think her mind was specially +adapted to the didactic style, nor was it much to her taste. When +writing in that style her pen did not seem to be entirely at ease, or to +move quite at its own sweet will. Careful statement and nice theological +distinctions were not her forte. And yet her mental grasp of Christian +doctrine in its vital substance was very firm, and her power of +observing, as well as depicting, the most delicate and varying +phenomena of the spiritual life was like an instinct. A purer or more +whole-hearted love of "the truth as it is in Jesus," I never witnessed +in any human being. At the same time she was very modest and distrustful +of her own judgment when opposed to that of others whom she regarded as +experienced Christians. I wish you could enjoy a tithe of the happiness +that was mine during the winter and spring of 1873-4, as, evening after +evening, she talked over with me the various points discussed in her +book, and then read to me what she had written. Those were golden hours +indeed--hours in which was fulfilled the saying that is written--_And +it came to pass that while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus +Himself drew near_. As I look back to the Sabbath evenings passed with +her in such converse, they seem to me radiant still with the glory of +the risen Christ. Nor am I able to imagine what else than His presence +could have rendered them, at the time, so soothing and blissful. + +You refer to her fondness for the mystics. She thought that Christian +piety owes a large debt of gratitude to such writers as Thomas a Kempis, +Madame Guyon, Fenelon, Leighton, Tersteegen, and others like them in +earlier and later times, to whom "the secret of the Lord" seemed in a +peculiar manner to have been revealed, and who with seraphic zeal trod +as well as taught the paths of peace and holiness. While she was writing +the chapter on the Mystics, I showed her Coleridge's tribute to them +in his Biographia Literaria, which greatly pleased her. It is her own +experience that she puts into the mouth of Urbane, where he says, after +quoting Coleridge's tribute, "I have no recollection of ever reading +this passage till today, but had _toiled out_ its truth for myself, and +now set my hand and seal to it." [13] It is for her, too, as well as for +himself, that Urbane speaks, where, in answer to Hermes' question, "Who +are the Mystics?" he says: + +They are the men and women known to every age of the Church, who usually +make their way through the world completely misunderstood by their +fellow-men. Their very virtues sometimes appear to be vices. They are +often the scorn and contempt of their time, and are even persecuted and +thrown into prison by those who think they thus do our Lord service. But +now and then one arises who sees, or thinks he sees, some clue to their +lives and their speech. Though not of them, he feels a mysterious +kinship to them that makes him shrink with pain when he hears them +spoken of unjustly. Now, I happen to be such a man. I have not built +up any pet theory that I want to sustain; I am not in any way bound to +fight for any school; but I should be most ungrateful to God and man if +I did not acknowledge that I owe much of the sum and substance of the +best part of my life to mystical writers--aye, and mystical thinkers, +whom I know in the flesh.... I use Christ as a magnet, and say to all +who cleave to Him--even when I can not perfectly agree with them on +every point of doctrine: You love Christ, therefore I love you. + +Closely allied to her fondness for the Mystics was her delight in the +doctrine of the indwelling Christ. For more than thirty years it was a +favorite subject of our Sunday and week-day talk. The closing chapters +of the Gospel of John, the Epistle to the Ephesians, and other parts of +the New Testament, in which this most precious truth is enshrined, were +especially dear to her. So too, and for the same reason, was Lavater's +hymn beginning, + + O Jesus Christus, wachs in mir-- + +a hymn with which we became acquainted soon after our marriage, and +which I do not doubt she repeated to herself many thousands of times. +[14] + +The surest way, as she thought, of rising above the bondage of "frames" +and entering into the glorious liberty of the sons of God, is to become +fully conscious of our actual union to Christ and of what is involved in +this thrice-sacred union. It is not enough that we trust in Him as our +Saviour and the Lord our Righteousness; He must also dwell in our +hearts by faith as our spiritual life. The union is indeed mystical and +indescribable, but none the less real or less joy-inspiring for all +that. We want no metaphor and no mere abstraction in our souls; we want +Christ Himself. We want to be able to say in sublime contradiction, "I +live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me." And this, too, is the way of +sanctification, as well as of rest of conscience. For just in proportion +as Christ lives in the soul, self goes out and with it sin. Just +in proportion as self goes out, Christ comes in, and with Him +righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. + +But as, in her view, the doctrine of an indwelling Christ did not +supplant the doctrine of an atoning and interceding Christ, so neither +did it supplant that of Christ as our Example or annul the great law of +self-sacrifice by which, following in His steps, we also are to be made +perfect through suffering. + +Such is a brief outline of her teaching on this subject in Urbane and +His Friends. And from its publication until her death, her theory of the +way of holiness reduced itself more and more to these two simple points: +Christ in the flesh showing and teaching us how to live, and Christ in +the Spirit living in us. And this presence of Christ in the soul she +regarded, I repeat, as an actual, as well as actuating, presence; +mediated indeed, like His sacrifice upon the cross, by the Holy Ghost. +But, as "through the Eternal Spirit He offered HIMSELF without spot unto +God," even so in and through the same Eternal Spirit, He HIMSELF comes +and takes up His abode in the hearts of His faithful disciples. His +indwelling is not a mere metaphor, not a bare moral relation, but the +most blessed reality--a veritable union of life and love. She thought +that much of the meaning and comfort of the doctrine was sometimes lost +by not keeping this point in mind. In a letter written not long before +her death, she reiterated very strongly her conviction on this subject, +appealing to our Lord's teaching in the seventeenth chapter of John. +[15] + +And this brings me to what you say about the chapter entitled The +Mystics of To-day; or, "The Higher Christian Life," and to your inquiry +as to her later views on the question. You are quite right in supposing +that while writing this chapter she had a good deal of sympathy with +some of the advocates of the "Higher Life" doctrine. She heartily agreed +with them in believing that it is the privilege of Christ's disciples to +rise to a much higher state of holy love, assurance, and rest of soul +than the most of them seem ever to reach in this world; and further, +that such a spiritual uplifting may come, and sometimes does come, +in the way of a sudden and extraordinary experience. But it is never +without a history. She gives a beautiful picture of such an experience +in the case of Stephanas, who was "as gay as any boy," and then adds: +"Now, the descent of the blessing was sudden and lifted him at once into +a new world, but the preparation for it had been going on ever since he +learned to pray." + +But while agreeing with the advocates of the Higher Life doctrine +in some points, she was far from agreeing with them in all. And her +disagreement increased and grew more decided in her later years. The +subject is often alluded to in her letters to Christian friends; and +should these letters ever be published, they will answer your inquiry +much better than I can do. The points in the "Higher Life" and "Holiness +through Faith" views which she most strongly dissented from, related to +the question of perfection. The Christian life--this was her view--is +subject to the great law of growth. It is a process, an education, and +not a mere volition, or series of volitions. Its progress may be rapid, +but, ideally considered, each new stage is conditioned by the one that +went before: _first the blade, then the ear, after that the full corn +in the ear_. It embraces the whole spirit and soul and body; and its +perfect development, therefore, is a very comprehensive thing, touching +the length and breadth, the depth and height of our entire being. It is +also, in its very nature, conflict as well as growth; the forces of evil +must be vanquished, and these forces, whether acting through body, soul, +or spirit, are very subtle, treacherous, and often occult, as well as +very potent; the best man on earth, if left to himself, would fall a +prey to them. No fact of religious experience is more striking than +this, that the higher men rise in real goodness--the nearer they come +to God, the more keen-eyed and distressed are they to detect evil in +themselves. Their sense of sin seems to be in a sort of inverse ratio +to their freedom from its power. And we meet with a similar fact in the +natural life. The finer and more exalted the sentiment of purity and +honor, the more sensitive will one be to the slightest approach to what +is impure or dishonorable in one's own character and conduct. Such is +substantially her ground of dissent from the "Higher Life" theory. Her +own sense of sin was so profound and vivid that she shuddered at the +thought of claiming perfection for herself; and it seemed to her a +very sad delusion for anybody else to claim it. True holiness is never +self-conscious; it does not look at itself in the glass; and if it did, +it would see only Christ, not itself, reflected there. This was her way +of looking at the subject; and she came to regard all theories, still +more all professions, of entire sanctification as fallacious and full of +peril--not a help, but a serious hindrance to real Christian holiness. +For several years she not only read but carefully studied the most noted +writers who advocated the "Higher Life" and "Holiness through Faith" +doctrines, and her testimony was that they had done her harm. "I find +myself spiritually injured by them," she wrote to a friend less than two +years before her death. "How do you explain the fact," she added, "that +truly good people are left to produce such an effect? Is it not to +shut us up to Christ? What a relief it will be to get beyond our own +weaknesses, and those of others! I long for that day." + +I have just alluded to her deep, vivid consciousness of sin. It would +have been an intolerable burden, had not her feeling of God's infinite +grace and love in Christ been still more vivid and profound. The little +allegory in the ninth chapter of Urbane and His Friends expresses very +happily this feeling. + +There are several other points in her theory of the Christian life, to +which she attached much importance. One is the close connexion between +suffering in some form and holiness, or growth in grace. The cross the +way to the crown--this thought runs, like a golden thread, through all +the records of her religious history. She expressed it while a little +girl, as she sat one day with a young friend on a tombstone in the old +burying-ground at Portland. It occurs again and again in her early +letters; in one written in 1840 she says: "I thought to myself that if +God continued His faithfulness towards me, I shall have afflictions such +as I now know nothing more of than the name"; in another written four +years later, in the midst of the sweetest joy: "I know there are some of +the great lessons of life yet to be learned; I believe I must _suffer_ +as long as I have an earthly existence." And in after years, when it +formed so large an element in her own experience, she came to regard +suffering, when sanctified by the word of God and by prayer, as the +King's highway to Christian perfection. This point is often referred to +and illustrated in her various writings--more especially in Stepping +Heavenward and Golden Hours. Possibly she carried her theory a little +too far; perhaps it does not appear to be always verified in actual +Christian experience; but, certainly, no one can deny that it is in +harmony with the general teaching of inspired Scripture and with the +spirit of catholic piety in all ages. [16] + +Another point, which also found illustration in her books, is the vital +connexion between the habit of devout communion with God in Christ and +all the daily virtues and charities of religion; another still is +the close affinity between depth in piety and the highest, sweetest +enjoyment of earthly good. + +Her own Christian life was to me a study from the beginning. It had +heights and depths of its own, which awed me and which I could not fully +penetrate. Jonathan Edwards' exquisite description of Sarah Pierrepont +at the age of thirteen, Mrs. Edwards' own account of her religious +exercises after her marriage, and Goethe's "Confessions of a Beautiful +Soul," always reminded me of some of its characteristic features. If my +pastoral ministrations gave any aid and comfort to other souls, I can +truly say it was all largely due to her. And as for myself, my debt of +gratitude to her as a spiritual helper and friend in Christ was, and is, +and ever will be, unspeakable. The instant I began to know her, I began +to feel the cheering influence and uplifting power of her faith. For +more than a third of a century it was the most constant and by far the +strongest human force that wrought in my religious life. Nor was it a +human force alone; for surely faith like hers is in real contact with +Christ Himself and is an inspiration of His Spirit. She longed so to +live and move and have her being in love to Christ, that nobody could +come near her without being straightway reminded of Him. She seemed to +be always saying to herself, in the words of an old Irish hymn: [17] +Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ within me, +Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ at my right, Christ at my +left, Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me, Christ in the +mouth of every man who speaks to me, Christ in every eye that sees me, +Christ in every ear that hears me. Such was her constant prayer; and it +was answered in the experience of many souls, whose faith was kindled +into a brighter flame by the intense ardor of hers. So long and so +closely, in my own mind, was she associated with Christ, that the +thought of her still reminds me of Him as naturally as does reading +about Him in the New Testament. + +The allegory referred to above is here given: + +A benevolent man found a half-starved, homeless, blind beggar-boy in the +streets of a great city. He took him, just as he was, to his own house, +adopted him as his own son, and began to educate him. But the boy +learned very slowly, and his face was often sad. His father asked him +why he did not fix his mind more upon his lessons, and why he was not +cheerful and happy, like the other children. The boy replied that his +mind was constantly occupied with the fear that he had not been really +adopted as a son, and might at any moment learn his mistake. + +_Father_. But can you not believe me when I assure you that you are my +own dear son? + +_Boy_. I can not, for I can see no reason why you should adopt me. I was +a poor, bad boy; you did not need any more children, for you had a house +full of them, and I never can do anything for you. + +_Father_. You can love me and be happy, and as you grow older and +stronger you can work for me. + +_Boy_. I am afraid I do not love you; that is what troubles me. + +_Father_. Would you not be very sorry to have me deny that you are my +son, and turn you out of the house? + +_Boy_. Oh, yes! But perhaps that is because you take good care of me, +not because I love you. + +_Father_. Suppose, then, I should provide some one else to take care of +you, and should then leave you. + +_Boy_. That would be dreadful. + +_Father_. Why? You would be taken good care of, and have every want +supplied. + +_Boy_. But I should have no father. I should lose the best thing I have. +I should be lonely. + +_Father_. You see you love me a little, at all events. Now, do you think +I love you? + +_Boy_. I don't see how you can. I am such a bad boy and try your +patience so. And I am not half as thankful to you for your goodness as +I ought to be. Sometimes, for a minute, I think to myself, He _is_ my +father and he really loves me; then I do something wrong, and I think +nobody would want such a boy, nobody can love such a boy. + +_Father_. My son, I tell you that I do love you, but you can not believe +it because you do not know me. And you do not know me because you have +not seen me, because you are blind. I must have you cured of this +blindness. + +So the blind boy had the scales removed from his eyes and began to see. +He became so interested in using his eyesight that, for a time, he +partially lost his old habit of despondency. But one day, when it began +to creep back, he saw his father's face light up with love as one after +another of his children came to him for a blessing, and said to himself: +_They_ are his own children, and it is not strange that he loves them, +and does so much to make them happy. But I am nothing but a beggar-boy; +he can't love me. I would give anything if he could. Then the father +asked why his face was sad, and the boy told him. + +_Father_. Come into this picture gallery and tell me what you see. + +_Boy_. I see a portrait of a poor, ragged, dirty boy. And here is +another. And another. Why, the gallery is full of them! + +_Father_. Do you see anything amiable and lovable in any of them? + +_Boy_. Oh, no. + +_Father_. Do you think I love your brothers? + +_Boy_. I know you do! + +_Father_. Well, here they are, just as I took the poor fellows out of +the streets. + +_Boy_. Out of the streets as you did me? They are all your adopted sons? + +_Father_. Every one of them. + +_Boy_. I don't understand it. What made you do it? + +_Father_. I loved them so that I could not help it. + +_Boy_. I never heard of such a thing! You loved those miserable beggar- +boys? Then you must be made of Love! + +_Father_. I am. And that is the reason I am so grieved when some such +boys refuse to let me become their father. + +_Boy_. Refuse? Oh, how can they? Refuse to become your own dear sons? +Refuse to have such a dear, kind, patient father? Refuse _love?_ + +_Father_. My poor blind boy, don't you now begin to see that I do not +wait for these adopted sons of mine to wash and clothe themselves, to +become good, and obedient, and affectionate, but loved them _because_ +they were such destitute, wicked, lost boys? I did not go out into the +streets to look for well-dressed, well-cared-for, faultless children, +who would adorn my house and shine in it like jewels. I sought for +outcasts; I loved them as outcasts; I knew they would be ungrateful and +disobedient, and never love me half as much as I did them; but that made +me all the more sorry for them. See what pains I am taking with them, +and how beautifully some of them are learning their lessons. And now +tell me, my son, in seeing this picture gallery, do you not begin to +see me? Could anything less than love take in such a company of poor +beggars? + +_Boy_. Yes, my father, I do begin to see it. I do believe that I know +you better now than I ever did before. I believe you love even me. And +now I _know_ that I love you! + +_Father_. Now, then, my dear son, let that vexing question drop forever, +and begin to act as my son and heir should. You have a great deal to +learn, but I will myself be your teacher, and your mind is now free to +attend to my instructions. Do you find anything to love and admire in +your brothers? + +_Boy_. Indeed I do. + +_Father_. You shall be taught the lessons that have made them what they +are. Meanwhile I want to see you look cheerful and happy, remembering +that you are in your father's heart. + +_Boy_. Dear father, I will! But oh, help me to be a better son! + +_Father_. Dear boy, I will. + + +[1] In Union Theological Seminary, New York. + +[2] The Baptism of the Holy Ghost, by Rev. Asa Mahau, D.D., p. 118. + +[3] Dr. L. H. Hemenway. + +[4] Some of the charades referred to will be found in appendix E, p. +556. + +[5] Referring to the following hymn composed by Madame Guyon in prison: + + A little bird I am, + Shut out from fields of air, + And in my cage I sit and sing + To Him who placed me there. + Well-pleased a prisoner to be, + Because, my God, it pleaseth Thee. + + Naught have I else to do; + I sing the whole day long; + And He, whom most I love to please, + Doth listen to my song. + He caught and bound my wandering wing, + But still He bends to hear me sing. + +[6] Mrs. De Witt was the wife of the Rev. Thomas De Witt, D.D., a man +of deep learning, an able preacher in the Dutch language as well as the +English, and universally revered for his exalted Christian virtues. He +was a minister of the Collegiate Church, New York, for nearly half a +century. He died May 18, 1874, in the eighty-third year of his age. Here +are other sentences uttered by him at the grave of his wife: "Farewell, +my beloved, honored, and faithful wife! The tie that united us is +severed. Thou art with Jesus in glory; He is with me by His grace. I +shall soon be with you. Farewell!" + +[7] Prof. Smith had been suddenly stricken down by severe illness and +with difficulty removed to the well-known Sanitarium at Clifton Springs. + +[8] Referring to the book in a letter to a friend, written shortly after +its publication, she says: "Of course it will meet with rough treatment +in some quarters, as indeed it has already done. I doubt if any one +works very hard for Christ who does not have to be misunderstood and +perhaps mocked." + +[9] One of the best notices appeared in The Churchman, an Episcopal +newspaper then published at Hartford, but since transferred to New York. +Here is a part of it: + +"For purity of thought, earnestness and spirituality of feeling, and +smoothness of diction, they are all, without exception, good--if they +are not great. If no one rises to the height which other poets have +occasionally reached, they are, nevertheless, always free from those +defects which sometimes mar the perfectness of far greater productions. +Each portrays some human thirst or longing, and so touches the heart of +every thoughtful reader. There is a sweetness running through them all +which comes from a higher than earthly source, and which human wisdom +can neither produce nor enjoy." + +[10] _Golden Hours_. + +[11] The name given to the Dorset home. + +[12] Afterwards changed to _Urbane and His Friends_. + +[13] The passage from Coleridge is as follows: "The feeling of gratitude +which I cherish towards these men has caused me to digress further +than I had foreseen or proposed; but to have passed them over in an +historical sketch of my literary life and opinions, would have seemed +like the denial of a debt, the concealment of a boon; for the writings +of these mystics acted in no slight degree to prevent my mind from being +imprisoned within the outline of any dogmatic system. They contributed +to keep alive the _heart_ in the _head_; gave me an indistinct, yet +stirring and working presentiment that all the products of the mere +_reflective_ faculty partook of DEATH, and were as the rattling of twigs +and sprays in winter, into which a sap was yet to be propelled from +some root to which I had not penetrated, if they were to afford my soul +either food or shelter. If they were too often a moving cloud of smoke +to me by day, yet they were always a pillar of fire throughout the +night, during my wanderings through the wilderness of doubt, and enabled +me to skirt, without crossing, the sandy desert of utter unbelief." + +[14] See her translation of the hymn in _Golden Hours_, p. 123. The +original will be found in appendix C, p. 540. + +[15] I in them and Thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one.--V. +23. + +[16] There should be no greater comfort to Christian persons, than to be +made like unto Christ, by suffering patiently adversities, troubles, and +sicknesses. For He himself went not up to joy, but first He suffered +pain; He entered not into His glory, before He was crucified. So truly +our way to eternal joy is to suffer here with Christ.--(The Book of +Common Prayer.) + +[17] Ascribed to St. Patrick, on the occasion of his appearing before +King Laoghaire. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +WORK AND PLAY. + +1875-1877. + +I. + +A Bible-reading in New York. Her Painting. "Grace for Grace." Death of +a young Friend. The Summer at Dorset. Bible-readings there. Encompassed +with Kindred. Typhoid Fever in the House. Watching and Waiting. The +Return to Town. A Day of Family Rejoicing. Life a "Battle-field." + + +Her time and thoughts during 1875 were mostly taken up by her Bible- +readings, her painting, the society of kinsfolk from the East and the +West, getting her eldest son ready for college, and by the dangerous +illness of her youngest daughter. Some extracts from the few letters +belonging to this year will give the main incidents of its history. + +_To a young Friend, Jan. 13, 1875._ + +I have had two Bible-readings, and they bid fair to be more like those +of last winter than I had dared to hope. There are earnest, thoughtful, +praying souls present, who help me in conducting the meeting, and you +would be astonished to see how much better I can do when not under the +keen embarrassment of delivering a lecture, as at Dorset.... I have a +young friend about your age who is dying of consumption, and it is +very delightful to see how happy she is. She used to attend the +Bible-readings last winter. + +About the painting? Well, I have dug away, and Mrs. Beers painted +out and painted in, till I have got a beautiful great picture almost +entirely done by her. Then I undertook the old fence with the clematis +on it here at home, and made a _horrid_ daub. She painted most of that +out, and is having me do it at the studio. Meanwhile, I have worked on +another she lent me, and finished it to-day, and they all say that it is +a success. In my last two lessons Mrs. B. contrived to let some light +into my bewildered brain, and says that if I paint with her this +winter and next summer I shall be able to do what I please. My most +discouraging time, she says, is over. Not that I have been discouraged +an atom! I have great faith in a strong will and a patient perseverance, +and have had no idea of saying die.... Some lady in Philadelphia bought +forty copies of Urbane. It was very discriminating in you to see how +comforting to me would be that passage from Robertson. God only fully +knows how I have got my "education." The school has at times been too +awful to talk about to any being save Him. [1] + +_To Mrs. Humphrey, New York, April 6, 1875._ + +My point about "Grace for Grace" [2] is this: I believe in "growth in +grace," but I also believe in, because I have experienced it and find +my experience in the Word of God, a work of the Spirit subsequent to +conversion (not necessary in all cases, perhaps, but in all cases where +Christian life begins and continues feebly), which puts the soul into +new conditions of growth. If a plant is sickly and drooping, you must +change its atmosphere before you can cure it or make it grow. A great +many years ago, _disgusted_ with my spiritual life, I was led into new +relations to Christ to which I could give no name, for I never had heard +of such an experience. When we moved into this house, I found a paper +that had long been buried among rubbish, in which I said, "I am one +great long sunbeam"; and I don't know any words, that, on the whole, +could better cover most of my life since then. I have been a great +sufferer, too; but that has, in the main, nothing to do with one's +relation to Christ, except that most forms of pain bring Him nearer. +Now, one can not read "Grace for Grace" without loving and sympathising +with the author, because of his deep-seated longing for, and final +attainment of, holiness; but it seemed to me there was a good deal of +needless groping, which more looking to Christ might have spared him. It +is, as you say, curious to see how people who agree in so many points +differ so in others. I suspect it is because our degrees of faith vary; +the one who believes most gets most. + +The subject of sin _versus_ sinlessness is the vexed question, on which, +as fast as most people get or think they get light, somebody comes along +and snuffs out their candles with unceremonious finger and thumb. A +dearly-beloved woman spent a month with me last spring. She thinks she +is "kept" from sin, and certainly the change from a most estimable +but dogmatic character is absolutely wonderful.... There was this +discrepancy between her experience and mine, with, on all other points, +the most entire harmony. She had had no special, joyful revelations of +Christ to her soul, and I had had them till it seemed as if body and +soul would fly apart. On the other hand she had a sweet sense of freedom +from sin which transcended anything I had ever had consciously; although +I really think that when one is "looking unto Jesus," one is not likely +to fall into much noticeable sin. Talking with Miss S. about the two +experiences of my dear friend and myself, she said that it could be +easily explained by the fact that _all_ the gifts of the Spirit were +rarely, if ever, given to one soul. She is very (properly) reticent as +to what she has herself received, but she behaved in such a beautiful, +Christlike way on a point where we differed, a point of practice, that I +can not doubt she has been unusually blest. + +Early in May of this year she was afflicted by the sudden death in Paris +of a very dear friend of her eldest daughter, Miss Virginia S. Osborn. +[3] During the previous summer Miss Osborn had passed several weeks +at Dorset and endeared herself, while there, to all the family. The +following is from a letter of Mrs. Prentiss to the bereaved mother: + +I feel much more like sitting down and weeping with you than attempting +to utter words of consolation. Nowhere out of her own home was Virginia +more beloved and admired than in our family; we feel afflicted painfully +at what to our human vision looks like an unmitigated calamity. But if +it is so hard for us to bear, to whom in no sense she belonged, what a +heartrending event this is to you, her mother! What an amazement, what +a mystery. But it will not do to look upon it on this side. We must +not associate anything so unnatural as death with a being so eminently +formed for life. We must look beyond, as soon as our tears will let us, +to the sphere on which she has been honored to enter in her brilliant +youth; to the society of the noblest and the best human beings earth has +ever known; to the fulness of life, the perfection of every gift and +grace, to congenial employment, to the welcome of Him who has conquered +death and brought life and immortality to light. If we think of her as +in the grave, we must own that hers was a hard lot; but she is not in a +grave; she is at home; she is well, she is happy, she will never know a +bereavement, or a day's illness, or the infirmities and trials of old +age; she has got the secret of perpetual youth. + +But while these thoughts assuage our grief, they can not wholly allay +it. We have no reason to doubt that she would have given and received +happiness here upon earth, had she been spared; and we can not help +missing her, mourning for her, longing for her, out of the very depths +of our hearts. The only real comfort is that God never makes mistakes; +that He would not have snatched her from us, if He had not had a reason +that would satisfy us if we knew it. I can not tell you with what tender +sympathy I think of your return to your desolate home; the agonizing +meeting with your bereaved boys; the days and nights that have to be +lived through, face to face with a great sorrow. May God bless and keep +you all. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Dorset, July 11, 1875._ + +I have been sitting at my window, enjoying the clear blue sky, and the +"living green" of the fields and woods, and wishing you were here to +share it all with me. But as you are not, the next best thing is to +write you. You seem to have been wafted into that strange sea-side spot, +to do work there, and I hope you will have health and strength for it. +One of the signs of the times is the way in which the hand of Providence +scatters "city folks" all about in waste places, there to sow seed that +in His own time shall spring up and bear fruit for Him. I was shocked +at what you said about Miss ---- not recognising you. It seemed almost +incredible. Mr. Prentiss has persuaded me to have a family Bible-reading +on Sunday afternoon, as we have no service, and studying up for it this +morning I came to this proverb which originated with Huss, whose name in +Bohemian signifies goose. He said at the stake: "If you burn a goose +a swan will rise from its ashes"; and I thought--Well, Miss ----'s +usefulness is at an end, but God can, and no doubt will, raise up a swan +in her place. About forty now attend my Bible-reading. + +We have my eldest brother here and he is a perfect enthusiast about +Dorset, and has enjoyed his visit immensely. He said yesterday that +he had laughed more that afternoon than in the previous ten years. We +expect Dr. Stearns and his daughter on the 20th, and when they leave Mr. +P. intends to go to Maine and try a change of air and scene. I hate to +have him go; his trouble of last year keeps me uneasy, if he is long out +of my sight. + +_To the Same, Dorset, Aug., 1875._ + +I have just written a letter to my husband, from whom I have been +separated a whole day. He has gone to Maine, partly to see friends, +partly to get a little sea air. He wanted me to go with him, but it +would have ended in my getting down sick. This summer I am encompassed +with relatives; two of my brothers, a nephew, a cousin, a second cousin, +and in a day or two one brother's wife and child, and two more second +cousins are to come; not to our house, but to board next door. There is +a troop of artists swarming the tavern; all ladies, some of them very +congenial, cultivated, excellent persons. They are all delighted with +Dorset, and it is pleasant to stumble on little groups of them at their +work. A. has been out sketching with them and succeeds very well. I have +given up painting landscapes and taken to flowers. I have just had a +visit here in my room from three humming-birds. They are attracted by +the flowers... One of the cousins is just now riding on the lawn. Her +splendid hair has come down and covers her shoulders; and with her +color, always lovely, heightened by exercise and pleasure, she makes a +beautiful picture. What is nicer than an unsophisticated young girl? I +have no time for reading this summer among the crowd; but one can not +help thinking wherever one is, and I have come to this conclusion: +happiness in its strictest sense is found only in Christ; at the same +time there are many sources of enjoyment independently of Him. It is +getting dark and I can not see my lines. I am more and more puzzled +about good people making such mistakes. Dr. Stearns says that the Rev. +Mr. ---- has been laying his hands on people and saying, "Receive the +Holy Ghost." Such excesses give me great doubt and pain. + +_To the Same, Sept. 3, 1875._ + +Your letter came to find me in a sorrowful and weary spot. My dear M. +lies here with typhoid fever, and my heart and soul and body are in less +than a fortnight of it pretty well used up, and my husband is in almost +as bad a case with double anxiety, he and A. expecting every hour to see +me break down. It has been an awful pull for us all, for not one of us +has an atom of health to spare, and only keep about by avoiding all the +wear and tear we can. Dr. Buck has sent us an excellent English nurse; +she came yesterday and insisted on sitting up with M. all night and we +all _dropped_ into our beds like so many shot birds. I heard her go down +for ice three times, so I knew my precious lamb was not neglected, and +slept in peace. We are encompassed with mercies; the physician who +drives over from Manchester is as skilful as he is conscientious; this +house is admirably adapted to sickness, the stairway only nine feet +high, plenty of water, and my room, which I have given her, admits of +her lying in a draught as the doctor wishes her to do. While the nurse +is sleeping, as she is now, A. and I take turns sitting out on the +piazza, where there is a delicious breeze almost always blowing. + +The ladies here are disappointed that I can no longer hold the Bible- +readings, but it is not so much matter that I am put off work if you are +put on it; the field is one, and the Master knows whom to use and when +and where. We have been reading with great delight a little book called +"Miracles of Faith." I am called to M., who has had a slight chill, and +of course high fever after it. It seems painfully unnatural to see my +sunbeam turned into a dark cloud, and it distresses me so to see her +suffer that I don't know how I am going to stand it. But I won't plague +you with any more of this, nor must I forget how often I have said, "Thy +will be done." You need not doubt that God's will looks so much better +to us than our own, that nothing would tempt us to decide our child's +future. + +_To her eldest Son, Dorset, Sept. 19, 1875._ + +Your letters are a great comfort to us, and the way to get many is to +write many. M.'s fever ran twenty-one days, as the doctor said it would, +and began to break yesterday. On Friday it ran very high; her pulse was +120 and her temperature 105--bad, bad, bad. She is very, very weak. We +have sent away Pharaoh and the kitten; Pha _would_ bark, and Kit _would_ +come in and stare at her, and both made her cry. The doctor has the +house kept still as the grave; he even brought over his slippers lest +his step should disturb her. She is not yet out of danger; so you must +not be too elated. We four are sitting in the dining-room with a hot +fire; papa is reading aloud to A. and H.; it is evening, and M. has had +her opiate, and is getting to sleep. I have not much material of which +to make letters, sitting all day in a dark room in almost total silence. +The artists are rigging up the church beautifully with my flowers, etc., +Mr. Palmer and Mr. Lawrence lending their aid. Your father is reading +about Hans Andersen; you must read the article in the Living Age, No. +1,631; it is ever so funny. + +I had such a queer dream last night. I dreamed that Maggie plagued us so +that your father went to New York and brought back _two_ cooks. I said I +only wanted one. "Oh, but these are so rare," he said; "come out and see +them." So he led me into the kitchen, and there sat at the table, eating +dinner very solemnly, two _ostriches_! Now what that dream was made of I +can not imagine. Now I must go to bed, pretty tired. When you are lonely +and blue, think how we all love you. Goodnight, dear old fellow. + +_Sept. 21st._--It cuts me to the heart, my precious boy, that your +college life begins under such a shadow. But I hope you know where to +go in both loneliness and trouble. You may get a telegram before this +reaches you; if you do not you had better pack your valise and have it +ready for you to come at a minute's warning. The doctor gives us hardly +a hope that M. will live; she may drop away at any moment. While she +does live you are better off at Princeton; but when she is gone we +shall all want to be together. We shall have her buried here in Dorset; +otherwise I never should want to come here again. A. said this was her +day to write you, but she had no heart to do it. The only thing I can do +while M. is asleep, is to write letters about her. Good-night, dear boy. + +_22d_--The doctor was here from eight to nine last night and said she +would suffer little more and sleep her life away. _She_ says she is +nicely and the nurse says so. Your father and I have had a good cry this +morning, which has done us no little service. Dear boy, this is a bad +letter for you, but I have done the best I can. + +_To Mrs. George Payson, New York, Oct. 31, 1875_ + +I hope you received the postal announcing our safe arrival home. I have +been wanting to answer your last letter, but now that the awful strain +is over I begin to flag, am tired and lame and sore, and any exertion is +an effort. But after all the dismal letters I have had to write, I want +to tell you what a delightful day yesterday was to us all; G. home from +Princeton, all six of us at the table at once, "eating our meat with +gladness"; the pleasantest _family_ day of our lives. M.'s recovery +during the last week has been little short of miraculous. We got her +home, after making such a bugbear of it, in perfect comfort. We left +Dorset about noon in a close carriage; the doctor and his wife were +at the station and weighed M., when we found she had lost thirty-six +pounds. The coachman took her in his arms and carried her into the car, +when who should meet us but the Warners. On reaching the New York depot, +George rushed into the car in such a state of wild excitement that he +took no notice of any one but M.; he then flew out and a man flew in, +and without saying a word snatched her up in his arms, whipped her into +a reclining-chair, and he and another man scampered with her to the +carriage and seated her in it; I had to run to keep up with them, and +nearly knocked down a gigantic policeman who was guarding it. The +Warners spent the night here and left next morning before I was up, +so afraid of making trouble.... A friend has put a carriage at our +disposal, and M. is to drive every day when and where and as long as she +pleases. And now I hope I shall have something else to write about.... +As to the Bible-readings, I do not find commentaries of much use. +Experience of life has been my chief earthly teacher, and one gains that +every day. You must not write me such long letters; it is too much for +you. How I do wish you would do something desperate about getting well! +At any rate, _don't_, any of you, have typhoid fever. It is the very +meanest old snake of a fox I ever heard of, making its way like a masked +burglar. + +_To Mrs. Condict, New York, Nov 7, 1875._ + +We came home on the 27th of October; M. bore the journey wonderfully +well, and has improved so fast that she drives all round the Park every +day, Miss W. having put a carriage at our disposal. How delightful it +is to get my family together once more no tongue can tell, nor did I +realise all I was suffering till the strain was over. I am longing to +get physical strength for work, but my husband is very timid about my +undertaking anything.... Dr. Ludlow [4] was here one day last week to +ask me to give a talk, in his study, to some of his young Christians; +but my husband told him it was out of the question at present. I shall +be delighted to do it; much of my experience of life has cost me a great +price, and I want to use it for the strengthening and comforting of +other souls. No doubt you feel so too. Whatever may be said to the +contrary by others, to me life has been a battle-field, and I believe +always will be; but is the soldier necessarily unhappy and disgusted +because he is fighting? I trow not. I am reading the history of the +Oxford Conference; [5] there is a great deal in it to like, but what do +you think of this saying of its leader? "Did it ever strike you, dear +Christian, that if the poor world could know what we are in Christ, it +would worship us?" [6] _I_ say _Pshaw!_ What a fallacy! _Why_ should it +worship us when it rejects Christ? Well, we have to take even the best +people as they are. + +A few weeks later she met a company of the young ladies of Dr. Ludlow's +church and gave them a familiar talk on the Christian life. The +following letter from Dr. L. will show how much they were interested: + +DEAR MRS. PRENTISS:--I find that you have so taken hold of the young +ladies of my church that it will be hard for you to relieve yourself +of them. They insist on meeting you again. The hesitancy to ask you +questions last Thursday was due to the large number present. I have +asked _only the younger ones_ to come this week--those who are either +"seeking the way," or are just at its beginning. _Five_ of those you +addressed last week have announced their purpose of confessing Christ at +the coming Communion. + +Several questions have come from those silent lips which I am requested +to submit to you: + +"What is it to believe?" + +"How much feeling of love must I have before I can count myself Jesus' +disciple?" + +"I am troubled with my lack of feeling. I know that sin is heinous, but +do not feel deep abhorrence of it. I know that Jesus will save me, but I +have no enthusiasm of gratitude. Am I a Christian?" + +"I am afraid to confess Christ lest I should not honor Him in my +life, for I am naturally impulsive and easily fall into religious +thoughtlessness. Should I wait for an inward assurance of strength, or +begin a Christian life trusting Him to help me?" + +Any of these topics will be very pertinent. I trust that nothing will +prevent you from being present on Thursday afternoon. I will call for +you. The limited number who will be present will give you a better +working basis than you had last week. The _older young_ ladies have +assented to their exclusion this week on the condition that at some time +they too can come. + +Very gratefully yours, JAMES M. LUDLOW. + +In a letter dated May 3, 1880, Dr. Ludlow thus refers to these meetings: + +I regret that I can not speak more definitely of Mrs. Prentiss' +conversations with the young ladies of my charge, as it was my custom to +withdraw from the room after a few introductory words, so that she could +speak to them with the familiarity of a mother. I know that all that +group felt the warmth of her interest in them, the charm of her +character which was so refined by her love of Christ and strengthened by +her experience of needed grace, as well as the wisdom of her words. +I was impressed, from so much as I did hear of her remarks, with her +ability to combine rarest beauty and highest spirituality of thought +with the utmost simplicity of language and the plainest illustrations. +Her conversation was like the mystic ladder which was "_set up on the +earth,_ and the top of it _reached to heaven._" Her most solemn counsel +was given in such a way as never to repress the buoyant feeling of the +young, but rather to direct it toward the true "joy of the Lord." She +seemed to regard the cheer of to-day as much of a religious duty as the +hope for to-morrow, and those with whom she conversed partook of her own +peace. I shall always remember these meetings as among the happiest and +most useful associations of my ministry in New York. + + * * * * * + +II. + +The Moody and Sankey Meetings. Her Interest in them. Mr. Moody. +Publication of _Griselda_. Goes to the Centennial. At Dorset again. Her +Bible-reading. A Moody-Meeting Convert. Visit to Montreal. Publication +of _The Home at Greylock_. Her Theory of a happy Home. Marrying for +Love. Her Sympathy with young Mothers. Letters. + + +The early months of 1876 were very busily spent in painting pictures +for friends, in attendance upon Mr. Moody's memorable services at the +Hippodrome, and in writing a book for young mothers. Before going to +Dorset for the summer she passed a week at Philadelphia, visiting the +Centennial Exhibition. Her letters during the winter and spring of this +year relate chiefly to these topics. + +_To a Christian Friend, Feb. 22, 1976._ + +You gave me a good deal of a chill by your long silence, and I find it a +little hard to be taken up and dropped and then taken up; still, almost +everybody has these fitful ways, and very likely I myself among that +number. Your little boy must take a world of time, and open a new world +of thought and feeling. But don't spoil him; the best child can be made +hateful by mismanagement. I am trying to write a book for mothers and +find it a discouraging work, because I find, on scrutiny, such awfully +radical defects among them. And yet such a book would have helped me in +my youthful days. + +You ask if I have been to hear Moody; yes, I have and am deeply +interested in him and his work. Yesterday afternoon he had a meeting +for Christian workers, in which his sound common-sense created great +merriment. Some objected to this, but I liked it because it was so +genuine, and, to my mind, not un-Christlike. So many fancy religion and +a long face synonymous. How stupid it is! I wonder they don't object to +the sun for shining. I am glad you think Urbane may be useful, for I +hear little from it. Junia's story is true as far as the laudanum and +the blindness go; it happened years ago. I do not know what religious +effect it had. As to the friend of whom you speak, she would not love +you as you say she does if her case was hopeless; at least I don't think +so. I am oppressed with the case of one who wants me to help him to +Christ, while unwilling to confide to me his difficulties. How little +they know how we care for their souls! + +_To Mrs. George Payson, Feb 28, 1876._ + +I have been trying to do more than any mortal can, and now must stop to +take breath and write to you. In the first place, M.'s illness cut out +three months; then fitting up G.'s room at Princeton took a large part +of the next three; then ever so many people wanted me to paint them +pictures; then I began a book; then Moody and Sankey appeared, and I +wanted to hear them, and was needed to work in co-operation with them. I +don't know how you feel about Moody, but I am in full sympathy with him, +and last Friday the testimony of four of the cured "gin-pigs" (their own +language) was the most instructive, interesting language I ever heard +from human lips. In talking to those he has drawn into the inquiry +rooms, I find the most bitterly wretched ones are back-sliders; they are +not without hope, and expect to be saved at last; but they have been +trying what the world could do for them and found it a failure. Their +anguish was harrowing; one after another tried to help them, and gave up +in despair. + +I had a vase given me at Christmas somewhat like yours, but a trifle +larger, and shaped like a fish. The flowers never fell out but once. I +had two little tables given me on which to set my majolica vases, with +India-rubber plants, which will grow where nothing else will; also a +desk and bookcase, and two splendid specimens of grass which grew in +California, and had been bleached to a creamy white. They are more +beautiful than Pampa, or even feather-grass. + +A. is driven to death about a fair for the Young Women's Christian +Association. I have given it a German tragedy which I translated a few +years ago. [7] They expect to make $1,600 on it, but Randolph says if +they make half that they may thank their stars. I have spent all my +evenings of late in revising it, and it goes to the printers to-day. +George is going to deliver a literary lecture for the same object this +evening, this being the age of obedient parents. No, I never saw and +never painted any window-screens. The best things I have done are +trailing arbutus and apple-blossoms. A. invited me to do apple-blossoms +for her, and said she should have to own that I had more artistic +power than herself. I don't agree with her, but it is a matter of no +consequence, anyhow. It is a shame for you to buy Little Lou; I meant to +send you one and thought I had done so. The bright speeches are mostly +genuine, made by Eddy Hopkins and Ned and Charley P. + +How came you to have blooming hepaticas? It is outrageous. My plants do +better this winter than ever before. I have had hyacinths in bloom, and +a plant given me, covered with red berries, has held its own. It hangs +in a glass basket the boys gave me and has a white dove brooding over +it. Let me inform you that I have lost my mind. A friend dined with us +on Sunday, and I asked him when I saw him last. "Why, yesterday," he +said, "when I met you at Randolph's by appointment." + +There, I must stop and go to work on one of my numerous irons. + +The "German tragedy" referred to fell into her hands in the spring of +1869, and her letters, written at the time, show how it delighted her. +It is, indeed, a literary gem. The works of its author, Baron Muench- +Bellinghausen--for Friederich Halm is a pseudonym--are much less known +in this country than they deserve to be. He is one of the most gifted of +the minor poets of Germany, a master of vivid style and of impressive, +varied, and beautiful thought. _Griselda_ first appeared at Vienna in +1835. It was enthusiastically received and soon passed through several +editions. + +The scene of the poem is laid in Wales, in the days of King Arthur. The +plot is very simple. Percival, count of Wales, who had married Griselda, +the daughter of a charcoal burner, appears at court on occasion of a +great festival, in the course of which he is challenged by Ginevra, the +Queen, to give an account of Griselda, and to tell how he came to wed +her. He readily consents to do so, but has hardly begun when the Queen +and ladies of the court, by their mocking air and questions, provoke +him to such anger that swords are at length drawn between him and Sir +Lancelot, a friend of the Queen, and only the sudden interposition of +the King prevents a bloody conflict. The feud ends in a wager, by which +it is agreed that if Griselda's love to Percival endure certain tests, +the Queen shall kneel to her; otherwise, Percival shall kneel to the +Queen. The tests are applied, and the young wife's love, although +perplexed and tortured in the extreme, triumphantly endures them all. +The character of Griselda, as maiden, daughter, wife, mother, and +woman, is wrought with exquisite skill, and betokens in the author rare +delicacy and nobility of sentiment, as well as deep knowledge of the +human heart. + +The following extract gives a part of Percival's description of +Griselda: + + PERCIVAL. + + Plague take these women's tongues! + + GINEVRA (_to her party_). + + Control your wit and mirth, compose your faces, + That longer yet this pastime may amuse us! + Now, Percival, proceed! + + PERCIVAL. + + What was I saying? + I have it now! Beside the brook she stood; + Her dusky hair hung rippling round her face. + And perched upon her shoulders sat a dove; + Right home-like sat she there, her wings scarce moving. + Now suddenly she stoops--I mean the maiden-- + Down to the spring, and lets her little feet + Sink in its waters, while her colored skirt + Covered with care what they did not conceal; + And I within the shadow of the trees, + Inly admired her graceful modesty. + And as she sat and gazed into the brook, + Plashing and sporting with her snow-white feet, + She thought not of the olden times, when girls + Pleased to behold their faces smiling back + From the smooth water, used it as their mirror + By which to deck themselves and plait their hair; + But like a child she sat with droll grimaces, + Delighted when the brook gave back to her + Her own distorted charms; so then I said: + Conceited is she not. + + KENNETH. + + The charming child! + + ELLINOR. + + What is a collier's child to you! By heaven! + Don't make me fancy that you know her, Sir! + + PERCIVAL. + + And now resounding through the mountain far, + From the church-tower rang forth the vesper-bell, + And she grew grave and still, and shaking quickly + From off her face the hair that fell around it, + She cast a thoughtful and angelic glance + Upward, where clouds had caught the evening red. + And her lips gently moved with whispered words, + As rose-leaves tremble when the soft winds breathe. + O she is saintly, flashed it through my soul; + She marking on her brow the holy cross, + Lifted her face, bright with the sunset's flush, + While holy longing and devotion's glow, + Moistened her eye and hung like glory round her. + Then to her breast the little dove she clasped, + Embraced, caressed it, kissed its snow-white wings, + And laughed; when, with its rose-red bill, it pecked, + As if with longing for her fresh young lips. + How she'd caress it, said I to myself, + Were this her child, the offspring of her love! + And now a voice resounded through the woods, + And cried, "Griselda," cried it, "Come, Griselda!" + While she, the distant voice's sound distinguished, + Sprang quickly up, and scarcely lingering + Her feet to dry, ran up the dewy bank + With lightning speed, her dove in circles o'er her, + Till in the dusky thicket disappeared + For me the last edge of her flutt'ring robe. + "Obedient is she," said I to myself; + And many things revolving, turned I home. + + GINEVRA. + + By heaven! You tell your tale so charmingly, + And with such warmth and truth to life, the hearer + Out of your words can shape a human form. + Why, I can see this loveliest of maidens + Sit by the brook-side making her grimaces; + They are right pretty faces spite of coal-smut. + Is it not so, Sir Percival? + +Mrs. Prentiss' translation is both spirited and faithful--faithful in +following even the irregularities of metre which mark the original. It +won the praise and admiration of some of the most accomplished judges in +the country. The following extract from a letter of the late Rev. Henry +W. Bellows, D.D., may serve as an instance: + +I read it through at one sitting and enjoyed it exceedingly. What a +lovely, pure, and exalting story it is! I confess that I prefer it to +Tennyson's recent dramas or to any of the plays upon the same or +kindred themes that have lately appeared from Leighton and others. The +translation is melodious, easy, natural, and hardly bears any marks of +the fetters of a tongue foreign to its author. How admirable must have +been the knowledge of German and the skill in English of the translator! + +_To Mrs. Condict, New York, May 2, 1876._ + +I do not know but I have been on too much of a drive all winter, for +besides writing my book I have been painting pictures for friends, and +am now at work on some wild roses for Mrs. D.'s golden wedding next +Monday, and yesterday I wrote her some verses for the occasion. The work +at the Hippodrome took a great deal of my time, and there is a poor +homeless fellow now at work in my garden, whom it was my privilege to +lead to Christ there, and who touched me not a little this morning by +bringing me three plants out of his scanty earnings. He has connected +himself with our Mission and has made friends there. + +I do not know what Faber says about the silence of Christ, but I know +that as far as our own consciousness goes, He often answers never a +word, and that the grieved and disappointed heart must cling to Him more +firmly than ever at such times. We live in a mystery, and shall never +be satisfied till we see Him as He is. I am enjoying a great deal in a +great many ways, but I am afraid I should _run_ in if the gates opened. +If I go to the Centennial it will be to please some of the family, not +myself. You ask about my book; it is a sort of story; had to be to get +read; I could finish it in two weeks if needful. When I wrote it no +mortal knows; I should _say_ that about all I had done this winter was +to hold my Bible-reading, paint, and work in the revival. I have so few +interruptions compared with my previous life, that I hardly have learned +to adjust myself to them. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, Philadelphia, May 30, 1876._ + +We came here on a hospitable invitation to spend a week in the +Centennial grounds, and yesterday passed several hours in wandering +about, bewildered and amazed at the hosts of things we saw, and the +host we didn't see. We found ourselves totally ignorant of Norway, for +instance, whose contributions are full of artistic grace and beauty; and +I suppose we shall go on making similar discoveries about other nations. +As to the thirty-two art galleries we have only glanced at them. +What interested me most was groups of Norwegians, Lapps and other +Northerners, so life-like that they were repeatedly addressed by +visitors--wonderful reproductions. The extent of this Exhibition is +simply beyond description. The only way to get any conception of it is +to make a railroad circuit of the grounds. + +I have had a _very_ busy winter; held a Bible-reading once a week, +written a book, painted lots of pictures to give away, and really need +rest, only I hate rest.... We find out where our hearts really are when +we get these fancied invitations homeward. I look upon Christians who +are, at such times, reluctant to go, with unfeigned amazement. The +spectacle, too often seen, of shrinking from the presence of Christ, is +one I can not begin to understand. I should think it would have been a +terrible disappointment to you to get so far on and then have to come +back; but we can be made willing for anything. + +I am glad you liked Griselda; I knew you would. [8] + +The extreme heat and her unusually enfeebled state rendered the summer +a very trying one; but its discomfort was in a measure relieved by the +extraordinary loveliness of the Dorset scenery this season. There was +much in this scenery to remind her of Chateau d'Oex, where she had +passed such happy weeks in the summer and autumn of 1858. If not marked +by any very grand features, it is pleasing in the highest degree. In +certain states of the atmosphere the entire landscape--Mt. Equinox, +Sunset Mountain, Owl's Head, Green Peak, together with the intervening +hills, and the whole valley--becomes transfigured with ever-varying +forms of light and shade. At such times she thought it unsurpassed by +anything of the kind she had ever witnessed, even in Switzerland. +The finest parts of this enchanting scene were the play of the +cloud-shadows, running like wild horses across the mountains, and the +wonderful sunsets; and both were in full view from the windows of +her "den." Her eyes never grew weary of feasting upon them. The +cloud-shadows, in particular, are much admired by all lovers of nature. +[9] + +_To Mrs. George Payson, Kauinfels, July 8, 1876._ + +We have been here four weeks, and ought to have been here six, for I can +not bear heat; it takes all the life out of me. Last night when I went +up to my room to go to bed, the thermometer was 90 deg.... Are you not +going to the Centennial? George and I went on first and stayed at Dr. +Kirkbride's. They were as kind as possible, and we all enjoyed a great +deal. What interested me most were _wonderful_ life-like figures (some +said wax, but they were no more wax than you are) of Laplanders, Swedes, +and Norwegians, dressed in clothes that had been worn by real peasants, +and done by an artistic hand. Next to these came the Japanese +department; amazing bronzes, amazing screens ($1,000 a pair, embroidered +exquisitely), lovely flowers painted on lovely vases, etc., etc., etc., +ad infinitum. The Norwegian jewelry was also a surprise and delight; I +don't care for jewelry generally, but these silvery lace-like creations +took me by storm. Among other pretty things were lots of English +bedrooms, exquisitely furnished and enormously expensive. The +horticultural department was very poor, except the rhododendrons, which +drove me crazy. I only took a chair twice. You pay sixty cents an hour +for one with a man to propel it, but can have one for three hours and +make your husband (or wife!) wheel you. You do not pay entrance fee for +children going in your arms, and I saw boys of eight or nine lugged +in by their fathers and mothers. We think everybody should go who can +afford it. Several countries had not opened when we were there; Turkey +and Spain, for instance; and if Switzerland was ready we did not see +it. The more I think of the groups I spoke of, the more I am lost in +admiration. A young mother kneeling over a little dead baby, and the +stern grief of the strong old grandfather, brought a lump into my +throat; the young father was not capable of such grief as theirs, and +sat by, looking subdued and tender, but nothing more. The artist must +be a great student of human nature. I went, every day, to study these +domestic groups; at first they did not attract the crowd; but later it +was next to impossible to get at them. Every one was taken from life, +and you see the grime on their knuckles. Almost every face expressed +strong and agreeable character. There were very few good and a great +many had pictures. Of statuary "The Forced Prayer" was very popular; the +child has his hands folded, but is in anything but a saintly temper, and +two tears are on his cheeks. I should like to own it. If I had had any +money to spare I should have bought something from Japan and something +from Denmark. I do not think any one can realise, who has not been +there, what an education such an Exposition is. China's inferiority to +Japan I knew nothing about. + +A. goes out sketching every day. The other day I found her painting a +white flower which she said she got from the lawn; it was something like +a white lockspur, only very much prettier, and was, of course, not a +wild flower, as she supposed, or, at any rate, not indigenous to this +soil. She declared it had no leaves, but I made her go out and show me +the plant; it grew about ten inches high, with leaves like a lily, and +then came the pure, graceful flowers. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Dorset, July 9, 1876._ + +There has been a great change here in religious interest, the foundation +of which is thought to have been laid in the Bible-readings. I am +ashamed to believe it, all I say and do seems so flat; but our Lord +can overrule incompetence. The ladies are eager to have the readings +resumed, but I can not undertake it unless I get stronger. The Rev. Mr. +and Mrs. Reed are doing a quiet work among non-churchgoers at the other +end of the village. She has been to every house in the neighborhood +and "compelled them to come in," having meetings at her own house. _Of +course the devil is on hand._ He reminds me of a slug that sits on my +rose bushes watching for the buds to open, when he falls to and devours +them, instanter. I am sure it is as true of him as of the Almighty, that +he never slumbers or sleeps. His impertinences increase daily. + +One of the last things I did before leaving home was to decide to bring +here one of the Hippodrome converts, about whom I presume I wrote you. +We knew next to nothing about him, and I could ill afford to support +him; but I was his only earthly friend. He had no home, no work, and I +felt I ought to look after him. We gave him a little room in the old +mill, and he is perfectly happy; calls his room his "castle," does +not feel the heat, takes care of my garden, enjoys haying, has put +everything in order, is as strong as a horse, and a comfort to us all; +being willing to turn his hand to anything. In the evenings he has made +for me a manilla mat, of which I am very proud. He has been all over +the world and picked up all sorts of information. He went to hear Mr. +Prentiss' centennial address on the Fourth at a picnic, and I was +astonished when he came back at his intelligent account of it. Everybody +likes him, and he has proved a regular institution. I would not have had +a flower but for him, for I can not work out in such a blazing sun as we +have had. [10] + +My book is to be called, I believe, "The Home at Greylock"; but I don't +know. My husband and Mr. Randolph fussed so over the title that I said +it would end in being called "Much Ado about Nothing." _They_, being +men, look at the financial question, to which I never gave a thought. +Even Satan has never so much as whispered, Write to make money; don't be +too religious in your books. Still he may do it, now I have put it into +his head. How little any of us know what he won't make us do! I enjoyed +the Centennial more than I expected to do, but got my fill very soon, +and was glad to go home. + +No account of the Dorset home would be complete without some reference +to "the old mill." It had been dismantled during the war, but, at the +request of the neighbors, was now restored to its original use. It also +contained the boys' workshop, a bathing-room, an ice-house, a ram, and +a bowling-alley; formed, indeed, together with the pond and the boat, +part and parcel of the Dorset home itself. + +_To Mrs. James Donaghe, Dorset, July 15, 1876._ + +I have hardly put pen to paper since I came here. I never could endure +heat; it always laid me flat. Yesterday there was a let-up to the torrid +zone, and to-day it is comparatively cool. Yesterday the mother of our +pastor here got her release. I cried for joy, for she has been a great +sufferer, and had longed to die. What a mystery death is! I went in to +see how she was, and she had just breathed her last, and there lay her +poor old body, eighty-two years old, looking as rent and torn as one +might suppose it would after a fight of thirty years between the soul +and itself. I have wondered if the heat, so dreadful to many, had not +been good for you. A rheumatic boy, who works for us off and on, says it +has been splendid for him. We heard yesterday that Dr. Schaff had lost +his eldest daughter after a ten days' illness with typhoid fever. He has +been greatly afflicted again and again and again by such bereavements, +but this must be hardest of all. [11] There is a different religious +atmosphere here now from anything we have ever known. The ladies hoped +to begin the Bible-readings right off, but it was out of the question. I +expect such a number of guests this week that I dare not undertake it. +I wish you were coming, too. How you would enjoy sitting on the piazza +watching the shadows on the mountains! We have had some magnificent +sunsets this season. Mr. Prentiss and I drive every night after tea, a +regular old Darby and Joan. Generally, I prefer working in the garden +to driving, but this time it has been too hot, and we have next to no +flowers. It quite grieves me that I have nothing to lay on Grandma +Pratt's coffin. However, _she won't care!_ Won't it be nice to get rid +of these frail, troublesome bodies of ours, and live without them! I +hope I shall see you in heaven, with plenty of room and no rheumatism. +How could you make such a time over that doggerel! [12] Such things are +a drug in this house. I thought I had a long letter from you, and it was +that stuff! My last book is all printed. My husband kindly corrected the +proof-sheets for me; a thing I hate to do. He likes the book better than +I do. I always get tired of my books by the time they are done. I read +very little; only some few devotional books over and over. I wonder if +you have read "Miracles of Faith"? It is a remarkable little book. +Do write and let me know how you and your husband are. We make great +account of our afternoon mail. + +She alludes in the preceding letter to the guests she was expecting. The +entertainment of friends formed a marked feature of her Dorset life; and +it called into play the brightest traits of her character. Her visitors +always went away feeling like one who has been gazing upon a beautiful +landscape or listening to sweet music, so charming was her hospitality. +One of them, writing to her husband a year after her death, thus refers +to it: + +I seem to see the Dorset hills now with their beautiful cloud-shadows +and lovely blue. I can see in my mind your pleasant home and all the +faces, including the dear one you miss this summer. What a delightful +home she made! The "good cheer" she furnished for the minds, hearts, and +bodies of her guests was something remarkable. I shall never forget my +visits; I was in a state of high entertainment from beginning to end. +What entertaining stories she told! what practical wisdom she gave out +in the most natural and incidental way! and what housekeeping! Common +articles of food seemed to possess new virtues and zest. I always went +away full of the marvels of the visit, as well as loaded down with many +little tokens of her kindness and thoughtfulness. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Dorset, Sept. 9, 1876._ + +What interested me most at the Centennial was in the Main Building, and +two things stand out, prominently, in my memory. The first is groups of +Swedish figures, dressed in national costume, and all done by the hand +of a real artist. Especially examine the dead baby and its weeping +mother and rugged old wounded grandfather; it will remind you of the +words, "A little child shall lead them." Next in interest to me were the +Japanese bronzes and screens; next wares from Denmark, butterflies and +feathers from Brazil. In the art department a picture called "Betty" +in the British division, up in a corner, and in statuary "The Forced +Prayer." Both my girls agreed with me in the main; the boys cared most +for Machinery hall, and my husband for Queensland, for which I did not +care a fig. + +Last Sunday was as perfect here as with you. My husband preached at +Pawlet, about six miles from here, and I went with him. He preached a +very earnest sermon on prayer. My Bible-reading is thronged, and I can't +but hope the Holy Spirit is helping my infirmities and blessing souls. +My heart yearns over these women, many of whom have faces stamped with +care. There is a class here that nobody has any idea how to get at. +To meet their case, apostolic work needs to be done. Do you know that +Irishmen are buying up the New England farms at a great rate? + +_To Mrs. Donaghe, Dorset, Sept. 10, 1876._ + +The extraordinary heat has worked unfavorably on both my husband and +myself; he has been under medical treatment most of the time, forlorn +and depressed. I have just pushed through as I could; my Bible-reading, +which has been wonderfully attended, being the only work I have done. +The weather is cool now and I feel stronger. + +A party of young people, who were coming to call on A., were upset just +above us; two had broken legs, others bruises and cuts, and one had both +knee-pans seriously injured. We got her here and put her to bed, and +then I started off to get the rest; but the surgeon, on arriving, +decided they should be removed at once, and got them all safely back to +Manchester. + +_To Mrs. Condict, New York, Oct. 16, 1876._ + +Since my last letter I have been to Montreal, fled from and settled down +here. My book is out in England, and my husband sat up till midnight, +reading an English copy of it, although he had heard me read it aloud +when written, and read it twice in proof-sheets. He thinks it will be a +useful book. I feel sure you will agree with me in its main points. God +grant it may send many a bewildered mother to her knees! Miss S. called +here a few days ago; she has written a book called "The Fullness of the +Blessing,"--one object of which is to prove that sanctification is not, +can not be instantaneous.... I do hope the book will do good. It seems +timely to me, for I shudder when I hear that A. and B. "professed +sanctification" on such and such a day. My visit to Montreal gave me +indignant pain when I saw crowds kneeling to the Virgin, and not to +Christ, in those costly churches and cathedrals. + +As to Miss ---- I do not know enough of her to form an opinion of +her state; I incline, however, to think that demoniac possession is +sometimes permitted. Fenelon, you know, thinks we should not be too +eager for spiritual delight. He is entirely right when he says that the +"night of faith" may witness a faith dearer to God than that of sensible +delight. I love Job when he says, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust +in Him," more than I do David when he is in green pastures and beside +still waters; it does not require much faith to be happy there. + +_Nov. 12th._--I am glad Greylock reached you in safety, and sorry I +could not correct its numerous misprints. Your question about Kitty I +don't quite understand; I did not mean to say that her parents had +no more trouble with her, but they had no more fights growing out of +self-will on both sides. I know that there is no end to trouble with +obstinate or otherwise naughty children, only if the mother lives +close to Christ the fault will be on their side, not hers. You speak, +by-the-bye, of my using the word Christ rather than the word Jesus. I +do so because it means more to my mind, and because the apostles use it +much more frequently. I do hope my book will be a comfort and help to +many well-meaning but inexperienced mothers. And I wish I practised more +perfectly what I preach. But I have my infirmities and find it hard to +be always on my guard.... A. and I are taking drawing-lessons of a very +superior French teacher, who offers us the privilege of spending our +whole time in her studio, with "conseil." + +_The Home at Greylock_ was published the latter part of October. It +embodied, as she said, the results of thirty years of experience and +reflection. Its views of marriage and of the office of a Christian +mother found frequent expression in her other writings and in her +correspondence. She placed religion and love alike at the foundation of +a true home; the one to connect it with heaven above, the other to make +it a heaven upon earth. She enjoined it upon her young friends, as they +desired enduring domestic felicity, to marry first of all for love. To +one of them, who was tempted, as she feared, to marry out of gratitude +rather than from love, she wrote: + +We women are exacting creatures; and you can not please us unless we +have the whole of you. Oh, if you knew the sacredness, the beauty, the +sweetness of married life, as I do, you would as soon think of entering +heaven without a wedding garment, as of venturing on its outskirts even, +save by the force of a passionate, overwhelming power that is stronger +than death itself! + +How warmly she sympathised with mothers, especially with young mothers, +in their peculiar experiences and how great she thought their privilege +to be, her writings testify. The same trait is brought out still more +fully in her letters. "Only a mother," she wrote, "knows the varied +discipline of hopes and fears and joys and sorrows through which a +mother passes to glory--for this is the mother's pathway, and she rarely +walks on a higher road or one that may so lead to perfection." Some of +her letters addressed to bereaved mothers have already been given. But +if her heart was always touched with grief by the death of an infant, it +seemed to leap for joy whenever she heard that in the home of a friend a +child was coming or had just arrived. Here are samples of her letters on +such occasions. + +_To Mrs. ----, Jan 10, 1874._ + +You little know into what a new world you are going to be introduced! +I wouldn't be a bit frightened, if I were you; it is ever so much more +likely that you'll get through safely, than that you will not; and then +what joy! You will be a very loving, devoted mother, and I hope this +little one will only be the beginning of a houseful. I spoke for ten, +but only had six; and our dear Lord had to take two of them back.... I +have just run over your letter again, and want to reiterate my charge +to you to feel no fear about your future. If you live and have a child, +your joy will be wonderful, but if you do not live (here) it will be +because you are going to dwell with Christ, which is better than having +a thousand children. So I see nothing but bright sides for you. + +_To the Same, April 18 10, 1874._ + +By this time you ought to be able to receive letters; at any rate I am +going to write one and you can do as you please about reading it. Well, +isn't a baby an institution? I am sure you had no idea what a delightful +thing it is to be a mother, and that you have had a most bewildering +experience of both suffering and joy. I shall want to hear all about +the young gentleman when you get strong enough to write an enthusiastic +letter about him; nor have I any objection to hear how his mother is +behaving under these new circumstances. + +What does your husband think of the upsetting of all home customs and +the introduction of this young hero therein? Thank him for sending me +the news in good season. I should not have liked it from a stranger. And +by-the-bye, don't let your children say parp-er and marm-er, as nine +children out of ten do. I daresay you never meant they should, having a +little mite of sense of your own. Now this is all a new mother ought +to read at once, so with lots of congratulations and thanksgivings, +good-bye. + +The following is an extract from a letter to another friend, dated Feb. +20, 1875: + +Your last letter was so eloquent in its happiness that in writing an +article for a magazine on the subject of education, I could not help +beginning "The King is coming," and depicting his heralds... I am indeed +rejoicing in your joy, and hope the little queen will long sit on the +right royal throne of your heart. Keep me posted as to Miss Baby's +progress. I know a family where the first son was called "Boy" for +years, the servants addressing him as "Master Boy." + +Here are the opening sentences of the article referred to: + +The King is at hand. Heralds have been announcing his advent in language +incomprehensible to man, but which woman understands as she does her +alphabet. A dainty basket, filled with mysteries half hidden, half +displayed; soft little garments, folded away in ranks and files; here +delicate lace and cambric; there down and feathers and luxury. The +King has come. Limp and pink, a nothing and nobody, yet welcomed and +treasured as everything and everybody, his wondrous reign begins. +His kingdom is the world. His world is peopled by two human beings. +Yesterday, they were a boy and a girl. To-day, they are man and woman, +and are called father and mother. + +Their new King is imperious. He has his own views as to the way he shall +live and move and have his being. He has his own royal table, at which +he presides in royal pomp. His waiting-maid is refined and educated--his +superior in everyway. He takes his meals from her when he sees fit; if +he can not sleep, he will not allow her to do so. His treasurer is a man +whom thousands look up to, and reverence, but, in this little world, +he is valued only for the supplies he furnishes, the equipages he +purchases, the castle in which young royalty dwells. The picture is not +unpleasing, however; the slaves have the best of it, after all. + +The reign is not very long. Two years later, there is a descent from the +throne, to make room for the Queen. She is a great study to him. He puts +his fingers into her eyes to learn if they are little blue lakelets. He +grows chivalrous and patronizing. So the world of home goes on. The King +and Queen give place to new Kings and Queens, but, though dethroned, +they are still royal; their wants are forestalled, they are fed, +clothed, instructed, but above all, beloved. When did their education +begin? At six months? A year? Two years? No; it began when _they_ began; +the moment they entered the little world they called theirs. Every touch +of the mother's hand, every tone of her voice, educates her child. It +never remembers a time when she was not its devoted lover, servant, +vassal, slave. Many an ear enjoys, is soothed by music, while ignorant +of its laws. So the youngest child in the household is lulled by +uncomprehended harmonies from its very birth. Affections group round and +bless it, like so many angels; it could not analyse or comprehend an +angel, but it could feel the soft shelter of his wings. [13] + +The following was addressed to a friend, whose home was already blessed +with six fine boys: + +DORSET, _Sept. 16, 1868._ + +Dear Mr. B.:--I am just as glad as I can be! I _said_ it was a girl, and +I _knew_ it was a girl, and that is the reason it _is_ a girl. Give my +best love to Mrs. B., and tell her I hope this little damsel will be to +her like a Sabbath of rest, after the six week and work days she has had +all along. It is hard to tell which one loves best, one's girls or one's +boys, but it is pleasant to have both kinds... I hope your place has as +appropriate a name as ours has had given to it--"Saints' Rest"!!--and +that you will fill it full of saints and angels; only let them be girls, +you have had boys enough. + + * * * * * + +III. + +The Year 1877. Death of her Cousin, the Rev. Charles H. Payson. Illness +and Death of Prof. Smith. "Let us take our Lot in Life just as it +comes." Adorning one's Home. How much Time shall be given to it? God's +Delight in His beautiful Creations. Death of Dr. Buck. Visiting the sick +and bereaved. An Ill-turn. Goes to Dorset. The Strangeness of Life. +Kauinfels. The Bible-reading. Letters. + + +During the early months of 1877 Mrs. Prentiss' sympathies were much +excited by sickness and death among her friends. + +"I spend a deal of time," she wrote, "at funerals and going to see +people in affliction, and never knew anything like it." And wherever she +went, it was as a daughter of consolation. The whole year, indeed, +was marked by a very tender and loving spirit, as also by unwonted +thoughtfulness. But it was marked no less by the happiest, most untiring +activity of both hands and brain. During the month of January she wrote +the larger portion of a new serial for The Christian at Work. It would +seem as if she foresaw the end approaching and was pressing toward it +with eager steps and a glad heart. + +_To her eldest Son, New York, Jan. 28, 1877._ + +The great event of last week was cousin Charles' unexpected death. [14] +Your father and I attended the funeral, in his church, which was crowded +to overflowing with a weeping audience. Most of the ministers we know +were there. Cousin G. came on Friday night and said nothing would +comfort him like hearing your father preach and he promised to do so. I +went with him to Inwood, and we have just got back. Your father preached +a beautiful sermon and paid a glowing tribute to cousin Charles in it, +and I am very glad I went. After the funeral yesterday I came home and +put up some chicken-jelly I had made for Prof. Smith, and carried it +down to him; there I met Dr. Gould, of Rome, who had seen him, and said +he considered his case a very critical one. _Feb. 4th_.--Your father was +invited to repeat his lecture on Recollections of Hurstmonceux and Rydal +Mount, and did so, yesterday morning, in our lecture-room, which was +filled with a fine audience, mostly strangers. What have you on your +natural bracket? And have you put up your leaves on your windows? +Mine are looking splendidly. H. is burning one of them with a +magnifying-glass your father gave me at Christmas. The sun does lie +delightfully in this room. I must now go to the Smiths. All send love. + +Prof. Smith passed away peacefully in the early morning on the 7th of +February. One of his last conscious utterances was addressed to Mrs. +Prentiss: "I have ceased to cumber myself with the things of time and +sense, and have had some precious thoughts about death." Henry Boynton +Smith was one of those men who enrich life by their presence, and seem +to render the whole world poorer by their absence. He was strongly +attached to Mrs. Prentiss; for more than forty years the relation +between him and her husband resembled that of brothers; Mrs. Smith was +one of her oldest and most beloved friends, and for a quarter of a +century the two families had dwelt together in unity. And, then, with +one of the saddest and one of the happiest events of her domestic +history--the burial of her little Bessie, at which he ministered with +Christlike sympathy, and at the baptism of her Swiss boy who bore his +name--he was tenderly associated. It is not strange, therefore, that his +death, as well as the wearisome years of invalidism which preceded it, +touched her deeply. What manner of man he was; how gifted, wise and +large-hearted; how devoted to the cause of his Lord and Saviour; what a +leader and master-workman in sacred science and in the Church of Christ; +how worthy of love and admiration--all this may be seen and read +elsewhere. [15] + +_To Mrs. Condict, Feb. 14, 1877._ + +Before I go down to the meeting at Mrs. D.'s I must have a little chat +with you, in reply to your last two letters. I felt like shrieking aloud +when you contrasted your life with mine. But it is impossible to state +fully why. Yet I may say one thing; I have had to learn what I teach in +loneliness, suffering, conflict, and dismay, which I do not believe you +have physical strength to bear. The true story of my life will never be +written. But whatever you do, don't envy it. And I do not mean by that, +that I am a disappointed, unhappy woman; _far from it_. But I enjoy and +suffer intensely, and one insulting word about Greylock, for instance, +goes on stinging and cutting me, amid forgetfulness of hundreds of kind +ones. [16] Let us take our lot in life just as it comes, courageously, +patiently, and faithfully, never wondering at anything the Master does. +I am concerned just as you are about my interest in things of time and +sense. But I have not the faintest doubt that if we could have all we +want in Christ, inferior objects would fade and fall. But we live in a +strange world, amid many claims on time and thought; we can not dwell +in a convent, and must dwell among human beings, and fall more or less +under their influence. We shall get out of all this by and by. _Feb. +27th._--This winter I am drawing in charcoal under an accomplished +teacher; she has so large a class that I had to withdraw from it and +take private lessons. She has invited A. to assist her in teaching +little ones twice a week, which materially curtails her bill. A. was +introduced to one youth, aged five, as _Monsieur_ So and So; he had his +easel, his big portfolio, and charcoal, in great style, but only took +one lesson, he hated it so. I don't see what his mother was made of. I +sympathise with your fear of spending too much time adorning your home, +etc., etc. It is a nice question how far to go and how far to stay. But +I honestly believe that a bare, blank, prosaic house makes religion +appear dreadfully homely. We enjoy seeing our children enjoy their work +and their play; is our Father unwilling to let us enjoy ours? In a +German book [17] I translated, a little boy is very happy in making a +scrap-book for a little friend, and God is represented as being glad to +see him so happy. And I don't believe He begrudged your making me that +pretty picture, or did not wish me to make yours. (By-the-bye, when you +have time, tell me how to do it.) It seems to me we are meant to use +_all_ the faculties God gives us; to abuse them is another thing. I feel +that I am having a vacation, and wonder how long it is going to last. I +do not know how I should have stood the _tremendous_ change in my +life, through my husband's change of profession, if I had not had this +resource of painting. O, how I do miss his preaching! How I miss my +pastoral work! Dr. Buck is on his dying bed, and longing to go. [18] + +_To her eldest Son, New York, March 11, 1877._ + +We had an excellent sermon from Dr. Vincent this morning, which he +repeated by request. Last evening we had Chi Alpha, and as I saw this +body of men enter the dining-room, I wondered whether I had borne any +minister to take up your father's and my work when we lay it down. + +_18th._--I thought within myself, as I listened to a sermon on the union +of Christ and the believer, whether I should have the bliss of hearing +you preach. Let me see; how old should I have to be, at soonest? +Sixty-two; the age at which my ancestors died, unless they died young. I +got a beautiful letter, a few days ago, from a minister in Philadelphia, +the Rev. Mr. Miller, who has 1,300 members in his church, and says if he +could afford it he would give a copy of Greylock to every young mother +in it. + +I went to Mrs. P.'s funeral on Friday. She wanted to die suddenly, and +had her wish. She ate her breakfast on Tuesday; then went into the +office and arranged papers there; her husband went out at ten, and +shortly after, she began to feel sick and the girls made her go to bed. +One of them went out to do some errands, and the other sat in the room; +she soon heard a sound that made her think her mother wanted something, +and on going to her found her dead. Dr. P. got home at twelve, long +after all was over. He told me it was the most extraordinary death he +ever heard of, but his theory was that a small clot of blood arrested +the circulation, as she had no disease. I had a talk with C. about his +wife's sudden death. I had already written him and sent him a note. +I cut from the Evening Post the slip I enclose about Mr. Moody's +question-drawer. I wish I could hope for as sudden a death as Mrs. P.'s. + +_To Mrs. Condict, April 16, 1877._ + +I am glad you liked the picture. Did you know that you too can get +leaves and flowers in advance of spring, by keeping twigs in warm water? +I had forsythia bloom, and other things leafed beautifully. It is said +that apple and pear blossoms will come out in the same way, if placed in +the sun in glass cans. I have been thinking, lately, that if I enjoy +my imperfect work, how God, who has made so many beautiful, as well as +useful, things, must enjoy His faultless creations. My work is still to +go from house to house where sickness and death are so busy. Mrs. F. G. +has just lost her two only children within a day of each other. Neither +her mother nor sister could go near her during their illness or after +their death, because of the flock of little ones in their house, and it +was not safe to have a funeral. Dr. Hastings made a prayer; he said the +scene was heart-rending. + +_May 3d._--Dr. Storrs preached for us last Sunday, and said one striking +thing I must tell you on the passage, "They were stoned, were sawn +asunder, they were tempted," etc. He said many thought the word +_tempted_ out of place amid so many horrors, but that it held its true +position, since few things could cause such anguish to a Christian heart +as even a suggestion of infidelity to its Lord. To this a Kempis adds +the _hell_ of not knowing whether one had yielded or not. + +_May 17th._--"Misery loves company"; and so I am writing to you. Perhaps +it will be some consolation to you that I too have been knocked up for +two weeks, one of which I spent in bed. Nothing serious the matter, only +put down and kept down; not agreeable, but necessary. How _astounded_ +we shall be when we wake up in heaven and find our hateful old bodies +couldn't get in!... M. is making, and H. has made, a picture scrap-book +for a hospital in Syria. Your mother might enjoy that. We all _crave_ +occupation. "Imprisonment with hard labor" never seems to me so +frightful as imprisonment and nothing to do, does. Did you ever hear the +story of the man who spent years in a dark dungeon, idle, and then found +some pins in his coat, which he spent years in losing, and crawling +about and finding? + +Well, I have got rid of a wee morsel of this weary day in writing this, +and you will get rid of another morsel in reading it. So we'll patch +each other up, and limp along together, and by and by go where there it +no limping and no patching. + +The new serial, her Bible-readings, and painting, with visits to sick- +rooms and to the house of mourning, during the early half of this year, +left little time for correspondence. Her letters were few and brief; +but they are marked, as was her life, by unusual quietness and depth of +feeling. Her delight was still to speak in them a helpful and cheering +word to souls struggling with their own imperfections, or with trials +of the way. A single extract will illustrate the gentle wisdom of her +counsels: + +I think there is such a thing as peace of conscience even in this +life. I do not mean careless peace, or heedless peace; I mean calm +consciousness of an understanding, so to speak, between the soul and its +Lord. A wife, for instance, may say and do things to her husband that +show she is human; yet, at the same time, the two may live together +loyally, and be happy. And unless a Christian is aware of having on hand +an idol, dearer than God, I see no reason why he should not live in +peace, even while aware that he is not yet finished (perfect). We love +God more than we are aware; when He slays us we trust in Him, when He +strikes us we kiss His hand. + +Her own mood at this time was singularly grave and pensive. She felt +more and more keenly the moral puzzle and contradictions of existence. +"From beginning to end, in every aspect," she wrote to a friend, "life +grows more mysterious to me, not to say queer--for that is not what I +mean. Such strange things are all the time happening, and even good +people doing and saying things that nearly drive one wild.... We live in +a mixed state, in a kind of see-saw: we go up and then we go down; go +down and then fly up." Still this strange, ever-changing mystery of +life, although it sometimes perplexed her in the extreme, did not make +her unhappy. "I have great sources of enjoyment," she adds, "and do +enjoy a good deal; infinitely more than I deserve." + +Early in June she and the younger children went to Dorset. On reaching +there, she wrote to her husband: + +Here we are, sitting by the fire in our dear little parlor. We made a +very comfortable journey to Manchester, but the ride from there here was +rather cheerless and cold, as they forgot to send wraps. The neighbors +had sent in various good things, and the strawberries looked very nice. +It rains, but M. and I have surveyed the garden, and she says it is +looking better than usual. + +I only wish you were here. Your love is intensely precious to me, as I +know mine is to you. How thankful we ought to be that we have loved +each other through thick and thin! This is God's gift. I can not write +legibly with this pencil, nor see very well, as it is a dark day, and +yet too early for a lamp. + +The latter part of June she made a short visit with her husband to +Montreal. A pleasant incident of this journey was an excursion to +Quebec, where two charming days were spent in seeing the Falls of +Montmorenci, the Plains of Abraham, and other objects of interest in and +about that remarkable city. During the ride in the cars from Montreal to +St. Albans, she called the attention of her husband to a paragraph from +an English newspaper containing an account of the death of a miner by an +explosion, on whose breast was found a lock of hair inscribed with the +name of "Jessie." She remarked that the incident would serve as an +excellent hint for a story. This was the origin of _Gentleman Jim_, the +pathetic little tale published shortly after her death. + +Soon after her return from Montreal she began painting in water-colors, +which afforded her much delight during the rest of her life. The +following note to Mrs. Ellen S. Fisher, of Brooklyn, dated July 2d, will +show how her lessons were taken: + +Will you kindly inform me as to your method of teaching your system +of water-colors by mail, and as to terms. I have not had time to do +anything in that line, as I had to go to Canada (by-the-bye, you can get +delightful Chinese white paint there in tubes). My daughter says she +thinks she heard you say that you would paint a little flower-piece +reasonably, or perhaps you have one to spare now. I should like a few +wild flowers against a blue sky. I got half a dozen Parian vases at +Montreal--each a group of three--and filled with daisies and a few +grasses, they are exquisite. Some of them are in imitation of the hollow +toadstools one finds in the woods. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Kauinfels, July 23, 1877._ + +Kauinfels is a word we invented, after spending no little time, by +referring to a spot in a favorite brook as "the place where the old cow +fell in"; it looked so German and pleased us so much that we concluded +to give our place that name. We are fond of odd names. We have a dog +Pharaoh and a horse Shoo Fly. Then we had Shadrach, Meseck, and Abednego +for cats. We had a dog named Penelope Ann--a splendid creature, but we +had to part with her. My Bible-reading began two weeks ago, and neither +rain nor shine keeps people away. For a small village the attendance is +very large. I do not know how much good they do, but it is a comfort to +try. + +I can't get over Miss ---'s tragical end. She must have suffered +dreadfully. I do not doubt her present felicity, nor that she counts her +life on earth as anything more than a moment's space. I do not feel sure +that she did me any good. I saw so much that was morbid when she visited +me here, that I never enjoyed her as I did when I knew her less. But +there is nothing morbid about her now. + +_To Mrs. James Donaghe, Dorset, Aug. 20, 1877._ + +Yesterday was the first fine day we have had in a long time, and, as I +sat enjoying it on the front porch, how I wished I could transport you +here and share these mountains with you! To-day is equally fine, and how +gladly would I bottle it up and send it to you! A score of times I have +asked myself why I do not bring you here, and then been reminded that +you can not leave your husband. + +I do not write many letters this summer. We have three or four guests +nearly all the time. This uses up what little brain I have left, and by +half-past eight or nine I have to go to bed. I am unusually well, but +work hard in the garden all the forenoon and get tired. Yesterday the +Rev. Mr. Reed, of Flushing, preached a most impressive sermon on the +denial of self. In the afternoon he preached to a neighborhood meeting +at his own house, to which we three girls go, namely, M., her +friend Hatty K., and myself. I give Thursdays pretty much up to my +Bible-reading--studying for it in the morning and holding it at three in +the afternoon. Utter unfitness for this or any other work for the Master +makes me very dependent on Him. The service is largely attended, and how +I get courage to speak to so many, I know not. + +[Illustration: The Dorset Home.] + +A. is gone to Portland and Prout's Neck. Mr. P. is unusually well this +summer, and has actually worked a little in my garden. He is going to +Saratoga this week to visit Mrs. Bronson.... M. is a kind of supplement +to her father; I love in her what I love in him, and she loves in me +what he loves; we never had a jar in our lives, and are more like +twin-sisters than mother and daughter. Hatty K. is like a second M. to +me. At this moment they are each painting a plate. They work all the +morning in the garden, and in the afternoon sit in my room sewing "for +the poor" like two Dorcases, or drive, or row on the pond. They also +study their Greek Testament together like a pair of twins. Just here Mr. +P. came driving up to take me out to make calls. We made three together, +and then I made three alone. Now we are going to have tea, and should be +glad if you could take it with us. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Kauinfels, Sept. 13, 1877._ + +Since you left, I have been very busy in various ways; among other +things, helping Hatty collect her last trophies, pack her various +plants, and the like. Then there is a woman, close by, who is very sick +and very poor, and the parson and his wife (meaning himself and myself) +must needs pack a big basket of bread, butter, tea, apples, etc., for +her watchers and family, with extract of beef for her. That was real +fun, as you may suppose. I mean to devote Thursdays to such doings, +including the Bible-readings. I took for my Bible-reading this +afternoon, the subject of confession of sin, and should really like to +know what perfectionists would say to the passages of Scripture relating +to it. However, I know they would explain them away or throw them under +the table, as they do all the Bible says about the discipline of life. +Our bad Pharaoh lifted up his voice in every hymn at Mrs. Reed's last +Sunday, and little Albert fairly shrieked with laughter. If next Sunday +is pleasant we are to go to Pawlet to preach. Good-night. [19] + +_To Mrs. Fisher, Kauinfels, Sept. 15, 1877._ + +Excuse my keeping your pictures so long. It is owing to my having so +much company. We feel it a duty to share our delightful home here with +friends. + +Will you send me some more pictures, and in your letter please tell me +how to make the light-green in the large arbutus leaf; I tried all sorts +of experiments, but failed to get such a toned-down tint. My copy is +pretty, as I have improved a good deal on the whole; but my work looks +parvenu. I had to use a powerful magnifying-glass to puzzle out your +delicate touches, and your work bore the test, it is so well done. My +work, viewed in the same way, is horrid. A. has been to Portland and +found there some exquisite placques; some of them of a _very_ delicate +cream color; others of a least suspicion of pink. She began to paint +thorn apples on one; but a day or two later, found some of the foliage +we had thrown away, turned to most delicious browns; so she painted +the leaves in those shades, only--and the effect is richly and gravely +autumnal. I hope your eyes are better. + + * * * * * + +IV. + +Return to Town. Recollections of this Period. "Ordinary" Christians and +spiritual Conflict. A tired Sunday Evening. "We may make an Idol of our +Joy." Publication of _Pemaquid_. Kezia Millet. + + +She returned to town early in October and began at once to prepare for +the winter's work. Her industry was a marvel. The following references +to this period are from reminiscences, written by her husband after her +death: + +She lost not a day, scarcely an hour. The next eight months were among +the busiest of her life; and in some respects, I think, they were also +among the happiest. She resumed her painting with new zeal and delight. +It was a never-failing resource, when other engagements were over. Hour +after hour, day after day, and week after week she would sit near the +western window of her sunshiny chamber, absorbed in this fascinating +occupation. Rarely did I fail to find her there, on going in to kiss her +good-bye, as I started for my afternoon lecture. How often the scene +comes back again! Were I myself a painter I could reproduce it to the +life. Her posture and expression of perfect contentment, her quick and +eager movements, all are as vividly present to my mind, as if I saw and +parted from her there yesterday! One morning each week was devoted to +her Bible-reading; the others, when pleasant, were generally spent in +going down town with M. in quest of painting materials, shopping, making +calls, etc., etc. + +She was much exercised in the early part of the winter by a burglary, +which robbed her of a beautiful French mantel clock given her on our +silver wedding-day by a dear friend; and by the loss of my watch, stolen +from me in the cars on my way home from the Seminary--a beautiful watch +with a chain made of her hair and that which once "crowned little heads +laid low." She had ordered it of Piguet, when we were in Geneva in 1858, +and given it to me in memory of our marriage. But _her_ grief over the +loss of the watch was small compared with mine, then and even since. +What precious memories can become associated with such an object! One +of the books which she read during the winter was "Les Miserables" by +Victor Hugo. She read it in the original in a copy given her by Miss +Woolsey. She was quite captivated by this work, and some of its most +striking scenes and incidents she repeated to me, during successive +mornings, before we got up. Her power of remembering and reproducing, in +all its details, and with all the varying lights and shades, any story +which she had read was something almost incredible. It always seemed +to me like magic. Her father possessed the same power and perhaps she +inherited it from him. [20] + +The following letter will show that while her mind was still exercised +about the doctrines taught by writers on the "Higher Life" and "Holiness +through Faith," it was in the way of a deepening conviction that these +doctrines are not in harmony with the teaching of Scripture or with +Christian experience. Referring to some of these writers, she says: + +_To a Christian Friend, Oct. 21, 1877._ + +I have not only no unkind feeling towards them, but have no doubt they +have lived near to Christ. But this I believe to have been their state +of mind for years, though perhaps not consciously: Most Christians are +"ordinary." Nearly all are a set of miserable doubters. Most of them +believe the Christian life a warfare. Most of them imagine it is also a +state of discipline, and make much of chastening, even going so far as +to thank God for His strokes of Fatherly love! Strange love, to be sure! +They also fancy they can work out their own salvation. + +Now we are not "ordinary" Christians. We understand God's Word +perfectly; and when He says, "Work out your own salvation," He means +nothing by it except this, that _He_ will work it in you to will and to +do, and you are to do nothing, but _let_ Him thus work. And furthermore, +we know His mind beyond dispute; we can not err in judgment. Therefore, +if you doubt our doctrine, it is the same as doubting God, and you +should fall on your knees and pray to read Scripture as we do. + +As to the Christian life being a conflict, why, you "ordinary" +Christians are all wrong. Satan never tempts us, though he tempted our +Lord; it comes natural to us to go into Canaan with one bound; the +old-fashioned saints were ridiculous in "fighting the good fight of +faith." Look at the characters in the Bible, "resisting unto blood, +striving against sin"; what blunderers they were to do that!... In our +enlightened day nobody is "chastened"; it used to be done to every son +the Father received and it was a token of His love. He knows better now. +He chastens no one; or if He does, we will cover it up and ignore it; +religion is all rapture, and this is not a scene of probation. Still if +you insist that you have been smitten, it only shows how very "ordinary" +you are, and how angry God is with you. + +Now you may ask why I have taken time to write this, since you are not +led away by these errors. Well, they are pleasant and very plausible +writers, and it has puzzled me to learn just where they were wrong. So I +have been thinking aloud, or thinking on paper, and perhaps you may find +one or more persons entangled in this attractive web, and be able to +help them out. How a good man and a good woman ever fell into such +mischievous mistakes, I can not imagine.... + +As to you and me, I see nothing strange in the weaning from self God is +giving us. It is natural to believe that He weans us from the breast of +comfort in which we had delighted, because He has strong meat in store +for us. I know I was awfully selfish about my relation to Christ, and +went about for years on tip-toe, as it were, for fear of disturbing and +driving Him away; but I do not know that I should _dare_ to live so +again. And how better can He show us our weakness than by making it +plain that we, who thought we were so strong in prayer, are almost "dumb +before Him"! My dear friend, I believe more and more in the _deep_ +things of God. + + "STRENGTH is born + In the deep silence of long-suffering hearts, + Not amid joy." + +Imagine soldiers getting ready for warfare, being told by their +commander that they had no need to drill, and had nothing to do but +drink nectar! As to being brought low, I will own that I have not been +entirely left of God to my own devices and desires; if I had been, I +should have gone overboard. He had such a grip of me that He _couldn't_ +let go. I saw a man apply a magnet to steel pens the other day, and +that's the way I clung to God; there was no power in me to hold on, the +magnetism was in Him, and so I hung on. Wasn't it so with you? + +And now to change the subject again; if you have any faded ferns, vines, +leaves on hand, you can paint and make them beautiful again. For a light +wall, paint them with Caledonian brown, and they will have a very rich +effect. I expect a patent-right for this invention. + +The vivid sense of human weakness and of the sharp discipline of life, +which she expresses in this letter, was deepened by hearing what a sea +of trouble some of her friends had been suddenly engulphed in. Early in +October she wrote to one of them: + +For some time before I left Dorset, your image met me everywhere I went, +and I felt sure something was happening to you, though not knowing +whether you were enjoying or suffering. And since then there has been +nothing I could do for you but to pray that your faith may bear this +test and that you may deeply realise that-- + + God is the refuge of His saints, + When storms of sharp distress invade. + +The longer I live the more conscious I am of human frailty, and of the +constant, overwhelming need we _all_ have of God's grace.... I can not +but hope things will turn out better than they seem. But if not, there +is God; nothing of this sort can take Him from you. You have longed and +prayed for holiness; this fearful event may bring the blessing. May God +tenderly bless and keep you, dear child. + +But vivid as was her sense of human weakness and of the imperfections +cleaving to the best of men, while yet in the flesh, she still held fast +to the conviction, uttered so often in "Urbane and His Friends" and in +her other writings, that it is the privilege of every disciple of Jesus +to attain, by faith, to high degrees of Christian holiness, and that, +too, without consuming a whole lifetime in the process. In a letter to a +young friend she says: + +Your letter shows me that I have expressed my views very inadequately in +Urbane, or that you have misunderstood what I have said there.... +"There _is_ a shorter way"; a better way; God never meant us to spend a +lifetime amid lumbering machinery by means of which we haul ourselves +laboriously upward; the work is His, not ours, and when I said I +believed in "holiness through faith," I was not thinking of the book by +that title, but of utterances made by the Church ages before its author +saw the light of day. We _can not_ make ourselves holy. We are born +sinners. A certain school believe that they are "kept" by the grace of +God from all sin. I do not say that they are not. But I do say that I +think it requires superhuman wisdom to _know_ positively that one not +only keeps all God's law, but leaves no single duty undone. Think a +minute. Law proceeds from an infinite mind; can finite mind grasp it +so as to know, through its own consciousness, that it comes up to this +standard? On the other hand, I do believe that a way has been provided +for us to be set free from an "evil conscience"; that we may live in +such integrity and uprightness as to be at peace with God; not being +afraid to let His pure eye range through and through us, finding +humanity and weakness, but also finding something on which His eye can +rest with delight--namely, His own Son. Every day I live I see that +faith is my only hope, as perhaps I never saw it before.... Read over +again the experience of Antiochus; he got in early life what dear Dr. +---- only found on his deathbed, and so may you. + +_To Miss E. A. Warner, New York, Oct. 28, 1877._ + +I am too tired on Sunday evenings to find much profit in reading, and +have been sitting idle some minutes, asking myself how I should +spend the hour till bed-time, if I could pick and choose among human +occupations. I decided that if I had just the right kind of a neighbor, +I should like to have her come in, or if there was the right kind of +a little prayer-meeting round the corner, I would go to that. Then I +concluded to write to you, in answer to your letter of July 24. I write +few letters during the summer, because it seems a plain duty to keep out +of doors as much as I possibly can; then we have company all the time, +and they require about all the social element there is in me. We feel +that we owe it to Him who gives us our delightful home to share it with +others, especially those who get no mountain breezes save through us; of +some I must pay travelling expenses, or they can not come at all. Their +enjoyment is sufficient pay. My Bible-reading takes all the time of two +days not spent in outdoor exercise, as I have given up almost everything +of help in preparation for it but that which is given me in answer to +prayer and study of the Word. I am kept, to use a homely expression, +with my nose pretty close to the grindstone; in other words, am kept +low and little. But God blesses the work exactly as if I were a better +woman. Sometimes I think how poor He must be to use such instruments as +He does. + +How is the niece you spoke of as so ill and so happy? For my part I am +_confounded_ when I see people hurt and distressed when invited home. +How a loving Father must feel when His children shrink back crying, "I +have so much to live for!" or, in other words, so little to die for. It +frightens me sometimes to recall such cases. + +And now I am going to tote my old head to bed. It is 59 years old and +has to go early. + +_To Mrs. Fisher, Oct. 31, 1877._ + +With young children, and artistic work to do, the wonder is not that you +have to neglect other things, but that you ever find time to attend to +any one outside of house and home. I do not want you to make a care and +trouble of me; I feel it a privilege to _try_ even to copy anything from +your hand, and am willing to bide my time. It is shocking to think of +your summer's work being burned up; no money can compensate for such a +loss--I hate to think of it. I have had your landscape framed, and it is +the finest thing in the house. + +_Nov. 9th._--I have your apple-blossoms ready to mail with this. I found +the subject very difficult, and at one time thought I should have to +give it up; but your directions are so clear and to the point that I +have succeeded in getting a picture we all think pretty, though wanting +in the tender grace of yours. + +The picture, which is a gentle blaze of beauty, has just reached me. We +have had burglars in the house, and one of my songs of praise is that +they did not take the little gem I got from you last summer. Glad you +are a _woman_ and not all artist. + +_To Mrs. Condict, Nov. 24, 1877_ + +As to the running fern, I paint it the color of black walnut, and round +placques it looks like carving. Emerald green I hate, but it is a +popular color, and A. was obliged to put it into the flower pictures +she painted on portfolios. I am glad you are still interested in your +painting. I have just finished the second reading of Miss Smiley's book, +and marked passages which I am sure you will like. I will mail my copy +to you. As to joy--"the fruits of the Spirit" come naturally to those in +the Spirit, and joy is one. But we may make an idol of our joy, and so +have to part with it. There may come a period when God says, virtually, +to the soul, "You clung to Me when I smiled upon and caressed you; let +Me see how you will behave when I smile and speak comfortably no more." +Fenelon says, "To be constantly in a state of enjoyment that takes away +the feeling of the cross, and to live in a fervor of devotion that keeps +Paradise constantly open--this is not dying upon the cross and becoming +nothing." [21] + +When I look at the subject at a distance, as it were, remembering that +this life is mere preparation for the next, it seems _likely_ that we +shall have religious as well as other discipline; if we ascend the mount +of Transfiguration it is not that we may _dwell_ there, though it is +natural to wish we could. And the fact is, no matter what professions +of rapture people make, if they believe in Christ and love Him as they +ought to do, what they have enjoyed will be nothing when compared with +going to live _with_ Him forever, surrounded by sanctified beings all +united in adoring Him. When I think of this my courage grows apace, and +I say to myself, I may never live in heaven again here below; but I +certainly shall, above; and can't I be patient till then? I wonder if +you know that I am going to begin a Bible-reading on the first Wednesday +in December? I have a very kind letter from Mr. Peter Carter, who says +Kezia would make the fortune of any book. + +Kezia is one of the characters in _Pemaquid; or, a Story of Old Times +in New England_, then recently published. She had written it with +"indescribable ease and pleasure," to use her own words, mostly during +the previous January. The pictures of New England life--especially its +religious life--in old times are vivid and faithful; and the character +of Kezia Millet for originality, quiet humor, and truth to nature, +surpasses any other in her writings, with the exception, perhaps, of +Aunt Avery in "Fred and Maria and Me." + +The following is an extract from a letter of Mr. Hallock, the publisher +of "The Christian at Work," dated Aug. 25, 1877, in which he begged her +to gratify its readers by telling them more about Ruth and Juliet. She +accordingly added some pages to the last chapter, although not quite +enough to satisfy the curiosity about Juliet: + +Let me express to you my _personal_ thanks for your most excellent +serial. I feel that it has done a real good to thousands. You need to +be placed in my position, receiving hundreds of letters daily from your +readers, to be able to fully appreciate how intensely interested they +are in the story. It does not seem to satisfy them to feel assured of +Ruth's marriage, but they want _to be there_ and see it. Juliet, too, is +not with them, as with you, a mere impersonation, but a living reality, +and they will never rest till they hear from her. If I was a betting +man I would bet five to one that what your husband struck out, is just +exactly what is wanted. What do we men know about such things, anyhow? + +A lady friend, well qualified to judge, writes to her: + +I have read "Pemaquid," and have laughed till I cried, then cried and +laughed together. In my humble opinion it is the brightest book you have +written. You know how to make a saint and how to make a sinner. As for +old Kezia Millet, with her great loving heart, if she is not a model of +Christian "_consistency_" and a natural born poet, where will you find +one? She is perfectly fascinating. How do you keep your wit so ready and +so bright? I suppose you'll answer, "by using it." The chapter which +contains Mrs. Woodford's interview with Rev. Mr. Strong (the dear old +saint) in her penitential mood, is very, very admirable. + +_To Mrs. George Payson, Dec. 20, 1877._ + +Before the year quite departs, I must tell you, my dear Margaret, how +glad I am that you appreciate my dear, good bad Kezia. It is nineteen +years since I read Adam Bede, but I remember Mrs. Poysen in general. +Kezia is not an imitation of her; the main points of her character were +written out long before Adam Bede appeared; I destroyed the book in +which I trotted her out, but kept _her_, and once in a while tried her +on my husband, but as he did not seem to see it, put her away in her +green box, biding my time. As to Juliet, my good man _loathes_ so to +read about bad people that he almost made me cut out all my last mention +of her. I was in an unholy frame when I did it, and with reason, for +they who like Pemaquid best, say it was a mistake not to dispose of her +in some way. But as to Mrs. Woodford being a model mother, I did not aim +to make her a model anything. All I wanted of her was to bring out the +New England pecularities as they would appear to a worldly stranger. As +to all parties _seeming_ indifferent about Juliet, you may be right; +I was behind the scenes and knew they were not; but as I say, what I +thought the best part of her, George made me cut out. No, I never knew +any one sing exactly like Kezia, but there are such cases on record. +There was "the Singing Cobbler," whose wife complained of him in court, +and he defended himself so wittily in verse, that everybody sided with +him, and his wife forgave his offence, whatever it might be. [22] + + +[1] The following is the passage referred to: "If you aspire to be a son +of consolation; if you would partake of the priestly gift of sympathy; +if you would pour something beyond commonplace consolation into a +tempted heart; if you would pass through the intercourse of daily life +with the delicate tact that never inflicts pain; if to that most acute +of human ailments--mental doubt, you are ever to give effectual succor, +you must be content to pay the price of the costly education. Like Him, +you must suffer, being tempted." + +[2] By the late Rev. William James, D.D. + +[3] See appendix G, p.557. + +[4] Then pastor of the Collegiate Reformed Church, Fifth avenue and +Forty-eighth street, now of Brooklyn. + +[5] "Account of the Union Meeting for the Promotion of Scriptural +Holiness, held at Oxford, August 29 to September 7, 1874." + +[6] "Account of the Union Meeting for the Promotion of Scriptural +Holiness, held at Oxford, August 29 to September 7, 1874." P. 59. + +[7] GRISELDA; A Dramatic Poem in Five Acts. _Translated from the German +of_ FRIEDERICH HALM (Baron Muench-Bellinghausen), _by Mrs. E. Prentiss._ + +[8] How glad I was to see Griselda's fair face! She is a gem, and I am +sure will prove a blessing as she moves about the world in her nobleness +and purity, so exceedingly womanly and winning. The book is full of +poetry, and held me spell-bound to the close. It is very musical, too, +in its rich, pure English. I don't know how much of its poetic charm +lies in the original or in your rendering, but as it is, it is "just +lovely," as the girls say.--_Letter from Miss Warner._ + +[9] In a letter written in 1879, just after a visit to Dorset, Dr. +Hamlin thus refers to them: + +"Now that I have seen again those lights and shadows of the Green +Mountains, as they lie around your Dorset home, I must tell you why they +awakened such deep emotions. Forty-one years ago I was married to Miss +Henrietta Jackson, the youngest daughter of the venerated and beloved +pastor of Dorset, and we left that lovely valley for our oriental home. +I had heard from her lips a glowing description of the magic work of +light and shade upon those uplands and heights that lie west of the +valley, before I had seen the place. The first morning of my first visit +I recognised the truth and accuracy of her description, and was forced +to confess that, although I had always admired cloud-shadows, I had +never seen them in such rich display and constant recurrence. There were +certain days, which we called field-days, when all their resources were +called out, and they seemed hurrying in swift battalions to some great +contest or grand coronation scene. But at other times they rested in +calm repose as though the pulse of nature had ceased to beat... In our +home upon the Bosphorus we were sometimes reminded of these scenes of +her native valley. When, occasionally, the Black Sea clouds floated down +in broken masses, and floods of light here and there poured through the +darkly shadowed landscape, lighting up fragments of hill and vale to the +very summits of Alem Dagh, her soul took flight to her beloved Dorset +and all other thoughts vanished." + +[10] On hearing of Mrs. Prentiss' death, the "poor, homeless fellow" +wrote to her husband a touching letter of sympathy. The following is an +extract from it: + +It was, I must acknowledge, a cherished desire of your dear departed +lady that I should walk in the footsteps of the Lord Jesus, and, to +obtain that grace, I must invoke God's Power that I may accomplish +that great Result. Dear sir, I would like to suggest to you that I am +disgusted with a wandering life; would like to see Dorset next Summer +and look on the grave of my greatest friend. Nothing could give me +greater Pleasure than to be under the Influence of your Christian +family; now, if I had any Employment, no matter how simple, in that +locality for the winter, then I would feel Happy to go next season to +your country Residence and offer my services free. + +[11] Meeta Sophia Schaff died July 14, 1876, in the twenty-first year of +her age. She had just returned from the Centennial. She was a young lady +of unusual loveliness of character, and was deeply lamented by a wide +circle of friends, both young and old. + +[12] A printed copy of Lines on her Golden Wedding, written by Mrs. +Prentiss. + +[13] The article is entitled _Educated while Educating_, and appeared in +the Brooklyn Journal of Education for March, 1875. + +[14] The Rev. C. H. Payson. See the interesting Memoir of him, entitled +"All for Christ," edited by his brother George, and published by the +American Tract Society. + +[15] See HENRY BOYNTON SMITH; His Life and Work. Edited by his Wife. A. +C. Armstrong & Son. 1880. + +[16] His biographer, Mr. Moore, relates of Lord Byron that in all the +plenitude of his fame, he confessed that "the depreciation of the lowest +of mankind was more painful to him than the applause of the highest was +pleasing." + +[17] _Peterchen and Gretchen_. She translated it at Genevrier during the +illness of her children. + +[18] Dr. Gurdon Buck. He died shortly afterwards. For more than a +quarter of a century be had been a faithful friend of Mrs. Prentiss, and +as their family physician had made both her and her husband his debtors +alike by his kindness and his skill. With a generosity so characteristic +of his profession, he refused, during all these years, to receive any +compensation for his services. As a surgeon he stood in the front rank; +some of the operations, performed by him, attracted wide attention for +then--novelty and usefulness. He published an account of them, with +illustrations, which greatly interested Mrs. Prentiss. She was almost as +fond of reading about remarkable eases in surgery as about remarkable +criminal trials. + +Dr. Buck was one of the founders and first ruling elders of the Church +of the Covenant. His gratuitous labors in connection with the New York +Hospital and other public institutions were very great. He was a man of +solid worth, modest, upright, and devoted to his Lord and Master. + +[19] "One of my brightest recollections of this season at Dorset is our +last Sunday before returning to town. We went in the phaeton to Pawlet, +where I preached for the Rev. Mr. Aiken. The morning was pleasant, the +road lay through a lovely mountain valley, and the beauty of nature was +made perfect by the sweet Sabbath stillness; and our thoughts were in +unison with the scene and the day. I preached on Rest in Christ, and the +service was very comforting to us both. How well I recall the same drive +and a similar service early in September of 1876, when prayer was my +theme! What sweet talks and sweeter fellowship we had together by the +way, going and coming!"--_Recollections of_ 1877-8. + +[20] Recollections of 1876-7 + +[21] "Better is it sometimes to go down into the pit with him, who +beholding darkness and bewailing the loss of consolation, crieth from +the bottom of the lowest hell, My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken +me? than continually to walk arm in arm with angels, to sit, as it were, +in Abraham's bosom, and to have no thought, no cogitation but this, '_I +thank my God it is not with me as it is with other men._'"--HOOKER. + +[22] A list of Mrs. Prentiss' writings, with brief notices of some of +them, will be found at the end of the appendix, p. 568. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +FOREVER WITH THE LORD. + +1878. + +"But a bound into home immortal, And blessed, blessed years." + +I. + +Enters upon her last Year on Earth. A Letter about The Home at Greylock. +Her Motive in writing Books. Visit to the Aquarium. About "Worry." Her +Painting. Saturday Afternoons with her. What she was to her Friends. +Resemblance to Madame de Broglie. Recollections of a Visit to East +River. A Picture of her by an old Friend. Goes to Dorset. Second Advent +Doctrine. Last Letters. + + +Mrs. Prentiss crossed the threshold of her last year on earth with hands +and thoughts still unusually busied. Her weekly Bible-reading, painting +in oils and in water-colors, needle-work, and other household duties, +left her no idle moment. "My fire is so full of irons," she wrote, "that +I do not know which one to take out." Nor was her heart less busy than +her hands and brain. Twice in January, once in February, and again in +April, death invaded the circle of her friends; and when her friends +were in trouble she was always in trouble, too. [1] These deaths led to +earnest talk with her husband on the mystery of earthly existence, and +on the power of faith in Christ to sustain the soul in facing its great +trials. "I am filled with ever fresh wonder at this amazing power," she +said. Such subjects always interested her deeply; never more so than at +this time, when, although she knew it not, her feet were drawing so near +to the pearly gates. + +The keynote of her being throughout this last winter was one of unwonted +seriousness. A certain startling intensity of thought and feeling showed +itself every now and then. It was painfully evident that she was under +a severe strain, both physical and mental. Again and again, as spring +advanced, the anxiety of her husband was aroused to the highest pitch by +what seemed to him indications that the unresting, ever-active spirit +was fast wearing away the frail body. At times, too, there was a +light in her eye and in her face an "unearthly, absolutely angelic +expression"--to use her own words about her little Bessie, six and +twenty years before--that filled him with a strange wonder, and which, +after her departure, he often recalled as prophetic of the coming event +and the glory that should follow. + +But while to his ear an undertone of unusual seriousness, deepening +ever and anon into a strain of the sweetest tenderness and pathos, ran +through her life during all these early months of 1878, there was little +change in its outward aspect. She was often gay and full as ever of +bright, playful fancies. Never busier, so was she never more eager to +be of service to her friends--and never was she more loving to her +children, or more thoughtful of their happiness. She proposed for their +gratification and advantage to write four new books, one for each +of them, provided only they and their father would furnish her with +subjects. The plan seemed to please her greatly, and, had she been +spared, would probably have been carried into effect--for it was +just the sort of stimulus she needed to set her mind in action. Once +furnished with a subject, her pen, as has been said before, always moved +with the utmost ease and rapidity. But while she wrote very easily, she +did not write without reflection. 'She had a keen sense of character in +all its phases, and her individual portraits, like those of Katy, Mrs. +Grey and Margaret, Aunt Avery and Kezia Millet, were worked out with the +utmost care, the result of years of observation and study being embodied +in them. + +And here, in passing, it may not be out of place to dwell for an instant +upon her motives and experience as an author. From first to last she +wrote, not to get gain or to win applause, but to do good; and herein +she had her reward, good measure, pressed down and running over. But of +that kind of reward which gratifies literary taste and ambition, she had +almost none. Her books, even those most admired by the best judges, and +which had the widest circulation, both at home and abroad, attracted but +little attention from the press. The organs of literary intelligence and +criticism scarcely noticed them at all. Nor is it known that any attempt +was ever made to analyse any of her more striking characters, or to +point out the secret of her power and success as a writer. To be sure, +she had never sought or counted upon this sort of recognition; and yet +that she was keenly alive to a word of discriminating praise, will +appear from a letter to Mrs. Condict, dated Jan. 20th: + +The burglary was on this wise, as far as we know. One man stood on the +front steps, and another slipped the hasp to one of the parlor windows, +stepped in, took a very valuable French clock, given me on my silver- +wedding day, and all the hats and overcoats from the hall. This was all +they had time to do before our night-watchman came round; they left +the window wide open, and at 4 A.M. Pat rang the bell and informed Mr. +Prentiss that such was the case. We feel it a great mercy that we were +not attacked and maltreated. Poor A. was sitting up in bed, hearing what +was going on, but being alone on the third floor, did not dare to move. + +I have just finished a short story called Gentleman Jim, which I am +going to send to Scribner's; very likely it will get overlooked and +lost. I received, not long ago, a letter from Mr. Cady [2] about +Greylock, which he had just read. It was a gratification to both my +husband and myself, as the most discriminating letter I ever received; +and after the first rush of pleasure, the Evil One troubled me, off and +on, for two or three hours, but at last I reminded him that I long ago +chose to cast in my lot with the people of God, and so be off the line +of human notice or applause, and that I was glad I had been enabled to +do it, since literary ambition is unbecoming a Christian woman. There +are 500 other things I should say, if you were here! + +The following is a part of the letter referred to: The day after "New +Year's" I was visited with a severe cold and general prostration that +has kept me in my bed--_giving me time!_ As soon as I was strong enough +to read I had "The Home" brought. After reading it I felt I ought to +tell you how deeply I was impressed with the usefulness, excellence, and +spirit of the book. As to its usefulness, you are to be envied; to have +brought light, as I believe you have, to a large number of people upon +the most precious and vital interests of life, is something worth living +and suffering for. The good sense, wisdom, experience, and Christian +faith embodied in it must make it a strong helper and friend to many a +home in trouble and to many perplexed and discouraged hearts, who will +doubtless rise up some day to call you "blessed." + +Though you cared less about the manner than the matter, I was impressed +by its literary qualities. The scene at the death of Mrs. Grey and +parting of herself and Margaret is as highly artistic and beautiful +as anything I can think of. The contrast of good and bad, or good and +indifferent, is common enough; but the contrast of what is noble and +what is "saintly" is something infinitely higher and subtler. I can't +imagine anything more exquisitely tender and beautiful than Mrs. Grey's +departure, but it is the more realised by the previous action of +Margaret. The few lines in which this is told bring their whole +character--in each case--vividly before you. But I see that if the book +had previously to this point been differently written it would have been +impossible to have rendered this scene so remarkably impressive. The +story of "Eric" is extremely quaint and charming; it is a vein I am not +familiar with in your writings. It is a little classic. This quaint +child's story and the death of Mrs. Grey affect me as a fine work of art +affects one, whenever I recall them. The trite saying is still true, "A +thing of beauty is a joy forever." + +You know children complain of some sweets that they leave a bad +taste--and works of fiction often do with me. I feel tired and +dissatisfied after I have passed out of their excitements; but the +heavenly atmosphere of this book left me better; I know that the Blessed +Spirit must have influenced you in the writing of it, and I doubt not +His blessing will accompany its teachings. + +Now will you excuse this blotty letter--written in bed--and accept my +thanks for all the good your book has done me. + +The following is her reply: + +DEAR MR. CADY:--Your letter afforded me more satisfaction than I know +how to explain. It is true that I made up my mind, as a very young girl, +to keep out of the way of literary people, so as to avoid literary +ambition. Nor have I regretted that decision. Yet the human nature is +not dead in me, and my instincts still crave the kind of recognition +you have given me. I have had heaps of letters from all parts of this +country, England, Scotland, Ireland, Germany, and Switzerland, about my +books, till I have got sick and tired of them. And the reason I tired of +them was, that in most cases there was no discrimination. People liked +their religious character, and of course I wanted them to do so. But you +appreciate and understand everything in Greylock, and have, therefore, +gratified my husband and myself. Not a soul out of this house, for +instance, has ever so much as alluded to my little Eric, except one +friend who said, "We thought that part of the book forced, and supposed +A. wrote it." Nobody has ever alluded to Margaret, save yourself. +I hoped a sequel to the book might be called for, when I meant to +elaborate her character. Still, it would have been very hard.... I am +not sorry that I chose the path in life I did choose. A woman should not +live for, or even desire, fame. This is yet more true of a Christian +woman. If I had not steadily suppressed all such ambition, I might have +become a sour, disappointed woman, seeing my best work unrecognised. But +it has been my wish to + + "Dare to be little and unknown, + Seen and loved by God alone." + +Your letter for a few hours, did stir up what I had always trampled +down; but only for that brief period, and then I said to myself, God has +only taken me at my word; I have asked Him, a thousand times, to make me +smaller and smaller, and crowd the self out of me by taking up all the +room Himself. There is so much of that work yet to be done, that I +wonder He ventures to make so many lines fall to me in pleasant places, +and that I have such a goodly heritage. I trust He will bless you for +your labor of love to me. + +I do not like the idea of your buying my books. Greylock being for +mothers, I never dreamed of men reading it. Have you had The Story +Lizzie Told, Six Little Princesses, The Little Preacher, and Nidworth? +Neither of these is really a child's book, and the next time you are +sick, if you have not read them, I shall love to send them to you. If +this is conceit, I have the effrontery not to be a mite ashamed of it! + +The following notes to Mrs. Fisher show how pleasantly she sympathised +with her teacher as a young mother, while taking lessons of and admiring +her as an artist: + +NEW YORK, _February 4, 1878._ + +What a relief to have the days come long again! On Saturday I found in +A.'s portfolio a study you lent her; exquisite ferns behind the fallen +trunk of a tree, and a tiny group of orange-colored toad-stools. I will +send it with its two lovely sisters, when I get through with them. I +wish you could get time to come to see me, or that I could get time to +go to see you. But it is my unlucky nature to have a great many irons in +the fire at once. I am glad your baby keeps well, and hope he will grow +up to be a great comfort to you. + +_Feb. 23d._--I have just received your letter. I have my hands full and +there is no need to hurry you. + +As to "worry" not being of faith, I do not suppose it is. But a young +mother can not be _all_ faith. I do not envy people who love so lightly +that they have no wringing out of the heart when they lose their dear +ones; nor can I understand her who says she can sit and read the +newspaper, while her babies are crying. "None are so old as they who +have outlived enthusiasm"; and who should be enthusiastic if a mother +may not? I don't think God has laid it up against me that I nearly +killed myself for the sake of my babies, because when He took two away +within three months of each other, my faith in Him did not falter.... +Dear Mrs. Fisher, if you love God nothing but His best things will ever +come to you. This is the experience of a very young, old woman, and I +hope it will comfort you. + +_April 21st._--Such a fight as I have had with your exquisite studies, +and how I have been beaten! I failed entirely in the golden-rod, and do +not get the brilliant yellow of the mullein flower; one could not easily +fail on the saggitarius, and the clover was tolerable. I think I will +take no more lessons at present, as I have much to do in getting another +boy fitted for college. After I get settled at Dorset I want to make a +desperate effort to paint from nature, and if I have any success, send +to you for criticism. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread," and I +am afraid you will be disgusted with my work, which will be in the dark, +since I have had no instruction in copying nature.... Perhaps you may +put alongside of the rejection of your picture a lady's telling me about +one of my books into which I had thrown an experience of the last thirty +years of my life, "There was nothing in it." "Il faut souffrir pour etre +belle." As long as memory lasts I shall rejoice that I have seen and +studied your work. + +I remember what a splendid fellow your baby was a year ago. It will +depend on your maternal prayers and discipline whether he grows up to be +your comfort. + +A few extracts from her letters will give further glimpses of the manner +in which she passed these closing months of her life in New York-- +especially of her delight in the weekly Bible-reading. One of the ladies +who attended it, thus refers to that exercise: + +You remember that for one or two years she was a member of a small +circle, that met weekly for Bible-study. When the leader of this circle +removed from the city, Mrs. Prentiss was urgently requested to become +its teacher, and she consented to do so. For the last four years of +her life she threw her whole soul into this exercise. Every week the +appointed morning found her surrounded by a little group of from eight +to fifteen, each with an open Bible and all intent less to analyse +the word of God than to feed upon it and "grow thereby." And what a +wonderful teacher she was! Not neglectful of any helps that dictionary +or commentator might give, her chief source of light was none of these, +but was received in answer to the promise, "If any man will do the will +of God he shall know of the doctrine." She wished the service to be +entirely informal, and that each one present should do her part to aid +in the study. This brought out diverse views and different standards of +opinion. Here her keen intellect, her warm heart, the rich stores of her +experience and her "sanctified common sense" all found play, and many +of the words that fell from her lips dwell in the memory as little +less than inspired. The last winter of this service showed some marked +differences from previous years. As eager as ever to have questions +asked and answered by others, yet from the moment she commenced to speak +she scarcely paused till the hour was finished, her eyes sparkling and +her whole manner intensely earnest. Often those words of the Psalmist +passed through my mind, _The zeal of Thy house hath eaten me up._ Her +love for her work and zeal in doing it were visibly consuming her. At +the last meeting I asked her if she should commence the Bible-reading at +Dorset immediately. She said no, she must rest a little; she would wait +till her garden was made. When next I heard from her flowers and her +Bible-study she had made the "bound into home immortal." And all who +loved her must rejoice with her; else have we failed to learn one of the +clearest lessons of her life: _For me to live is Christ, and to die is +gain._ + +_To Mrs. Condict, Feb. 14, 1878._ + +Is it possible I had portiere on the brain when I wrote you last? I +thought I had just caught the disease. I am very fond of needle-work, +but for years have nearly abandoned it, because I could not thread my +needle. But the portiere is made with a large worsted needle and will +give me pleasant work for the evening. I am getting my hand in on a +contumacious closet door that won't stay open in my bedroom.... + +Imitation Macaroni, + +By the author of Pemaquid: + +Boil hominy overnight. Next day's dinner prepare like macaroni, with a +little milk and grated cheese and bake. Good for a change and cheaper. + +_March 9th._--What an improvement on the old fashion of _reading_ +the Bible is the present _search_ of the Word! It is, as you say, +fascinating work. I have just given M. an admirable book called +"Emphatic Diaglott," being the Greek Testament with a literal +translation; still even that can be misunderstood by one who has a false +theory to sustain. The spiritual conflicts I have passed through have +been a blessing, as I am beginning to see; I can understand better _how_ +such conflicts may prepare one for work. This afternoon I have, as +usual, been getting ready for the Wednesday reading, and as I was +requested to speak of the Holy Spirit, have been poring over the Bible +and am astonished at the frequency and variety of passages in which +He is spoken of. But I feel painfully unfit to guide even this little +circle of women, and would be so glad to sit as a learner. + +Some of the children were going, last Friday night, to see the Aquarium, +and some educated horses and dogs there, and they persuaded me to go. +The performance was wonderful, but I could not help thinking of all +these poor animals had gone through in learning all these incredible +feats; each horse responding to his own name, each dog barking in +response to his; two dogs hanging a third, cutting him down, when he lay +apparently dead, other dogs driving in, in a cart, and carrying away the +body; others waltzing on their hind legs, and others jumping the rope. +Two horses played see-saw, and one rolled a barrel up an inclined plane +with his fore legs; he _hated_ to do it. But the marvellous fishes and +sea-flowers charmed me most. + +_To Mrs. Reed, New York, March 13, 1878._ + +... I have had a busy winter. We had a variety of losses, and I +undertook, therefore, to manufacture Reed, most of my Christmas +gifts, which were, chiefly, umbrella racks; this took time. Then my +Bible-reading uses up pretty much one day. I never felt so unfit for +it, or more determined to keep it up as long as one would come. Besides +that, I have read and painted more or less and sewed a good deal; on the +whole, have had more vacation than work, at least one looking on would +say so. But we all lead two lives, and one of them is penetrated and +understood by no mortal eye. I heard such a sermon from Dr. Bevan last +Sunday night on the text, "They saw God and did eat and drink." He +divided mankind into four classes: Those who do eat and drink and do not +see God; those who do not see Him and do not eat and drink; those who +see Him and do not eat and drink (he handled them tenderly); and those +who see Him and yet eat and drink. I hope I have made its outline plain +to you. It took hold of me. + +_To Mrs. Donaghe, New York, April 26, 1878._ + +I am living my life among breakings-up; you gone, Mrs. Smith about to +flee to Northampton, and our neighbor Miss W. storing her furniture and +probably leaving New York for good. On the other hand, M. spends most of +her time in helping Mr. and Mrs. Talbot get to rights in apartments they +have just taken. Mr. T., as I suppose you know, is pastor of our Mission +and as good as gold. God has been pleased greatly to bless two ladies, +who attend the Bible-reading, and I am sure He loves to have us study +His Word. The more I dig into it the richer I find it, and I have had +some delightful hours this winter in preparing for my Wednesday work. + +There is to be a Women's Exchange in this city, where everything +manufactured by them (except underclothing) will be exposed for sale; +embroidery, pickles, preserves, confectionery, and articles rejected by +the Society of Decorative Art. I hope it will be a success, and help +many worthy women, all over the land, to help themselves.... I find it +hard to consent to your having, at your age, to flit about from home to +home, but a loving Father has a mansion for you beyond all the changes +and chances of this strange complicated life. If He gives you His +presence, that will be a home. I wish you could visit us at Dorset. + +A visit to Dorset was afterward arranged, and one of Mrs. Prentiss' last +letters was addressed to this old friend, giving her directions how to +get there. [3] + +_To Mrs. Condict, New York, May 6, 1878._ My last Bible-reading, or +rather one of the last, was on prayer; as I could not do justice to +it in one reading, I concluded to make a resume of the whole subject. +Though I devoted all the readings to this topic last summer, yet it +loomed up wonderfully in this resume. Last week the subject was "the +precious blood of Christ," and in studying up the word "precious" I +lighted on these lovely verses, Deut. xxxiii. 13-16. Since I began to +_study_ the Bible, it often seems like a new book. And that passage +thrilled the ladies, as a novelty. I am to have but one more reading. +The last sermon I heard was on lying. That is not one of my besetting +sins, but, on the other hand, I push the truth too far, haggling about +evils better let alone. A. has just finished a splendid placque to +order; a Japanese figure, with exquisite foliage in black and grey as +background. I have a widow lady every Saturday to paint with me; she has +a large family, limited means, and delicate health; and I want to aid +her all I can. She enjoys these afternoons so much, and is doing so +well. + +The lady herself thus recalls these afternoons: + +How dearly I should love to add but one little flower to her wreath of +immortelles! I cherish memories of her as among the pleasantest of my +life. I recall her room so bright and cheery, just like herself, and all +the incidents of those Saturday afternoons. When she first asked me to +paint with her, I thought it very kind, but with her multiplicity of +cares, felt it must be burdensome to her, and that possibly she would +even forget the invitation, and so I hesitated about going. But when the +week came round everything was made ready to give me a cordial welcome. +Again and again I found my chair, palette and other materials waiting +for me, while she sat in her little nook, busy as a bee over some +painting of her own. + +One day, passing about the room, I saw on her book-shelves, arranged +with order and precision, nine little butter plates in the form of +pansies. I uttered an exclamation of delight, and she from her corner, +with the artlessness of a child, said, "I _put_ them there for you to +see." Another time she sprang up with her quick, light step, and ran to +the yard to fetch a flower for me to copy, apparently thoughtless of two +flights of stairs to tax her strength. Sometimes she would read to me +verses of poetry that pleased her. Once I remember her throwing herself +at my feet, and when I stopped to listen to the reading, she said, "Oh, +go right on with your painting." Now she would relate some amusing +anecdote that almost convulsed me with laughter, and then again speak of +some serious theme with such earnestness of feeling! She was eager to +give of her store of strength and cheer to others, but the store seemed +inexhaustible. The more she gave, the more one felt that there was +enough and to spare. I looked forward to my little weekly visit as to an +oasis in the desert; not that all else was bleak, but that spot seemed +to me so very refreshing and attractive. + +Little did I think, when she loaded me down that last day with all I +could carry, then ran down to the parlor to show me some choice articles +there which she knew would give me pleasure--little did I think that I +should see her again no more! Not a day passed after leaving her that +she was not an inspiration to me. While painting a wayside flower I +would think, "Mrs. Prentiss would like this"--or, "In the fall I must +show that to Mrs. Prentiss." Even in my dreams she was present with me, +and one morning, only a little while before she passed from us, I waked +with a heavy burden upon my spirits--for it seemed to me as if she were +gone. The impression was so strong that I spoke of it at the time, and +for days could not throw it off. But at last, saying to myself, "Oh, +it is only a dream," I answered her little note, making, of course, no +reference to my strange feelings in regard to her. Her letter, by a +singular mistake, is dated "Kauinfels, _October_ 10, 1878," nearly two +months after she had fallen asleep. How just like her is this passage in +it: "I wish you could leave your little flock, and take some rest with +us. It would do you good, I am sure. Is it impossible? you do look so +tired." My letter in reply must have been one of the very last received +by her. In it I spoke of having just re-read Stepping Heavenward and +Aunt Jane's Hero, and of having enjoyed them almost as much as at the +first. This was, perhaps, one reason why she had been so constantly in +my thoughts. When the news came that she had left us, I was at first +greatly shocked and grieved--for I felt that I had lost no ordinary +friend--but when I considered how complete her life had been in all that +makes life noble and beautiful, and how meet it was that, having borne +the burden and heat of the day, she should now rest from her labors, it +seemed selfish to give way to sorrow and not rather to rejoice that she +had gone to be with Christ. + +Scores of such grateful testimonies as this might be given. To all +who knew and loved her well, Mrs. Prentiss was "an inspiration." They +delighted to talk about her to each other and even to strangers. They +repeated her bright and pithy sayings. They associated her with favorite +characters in the books they read. The very thought of her wrought upon +them with gracious and cheering influence. An extract from a letter of +one of her old and dearest friends, written to her husband after her +death, will illustrate this: + +On the very morning of her departure I had been conversing with my +physician about her. He spoke in admiration of her published works, and +I tried to give him a description of her personal characteristics. The +night before, in my hours of sleeplessness, I recounted the names +of friends who I thought had been most instrumental in moulding my +character, and Mrs. Prentiss led the list. How little did I dream that +already her feet had safely touched "the shining shore"! In all the +three and thirty years of our acquaintance I loved her DEARLY and +reverenced her most deeply; but between us there was such a gulf that I +always felt unworthy to touch even the hem of her garment. Whenever I +did touch it, strength and comfort were imparted to me. How much I was +indebted to her most tender sympathy and her prayers in my own great +sorrow, only another world will reveal. Is it not a little remarkable +that her last letter to me, written only a few weeks before her death, +closed with a benediction? I could go on talking about her without end; +for I have often said that there was more of her, and to her, and in +her, than belonged to any five women I ever knew. How exceedingly lovely +she was in her own home! I remember you once said to me, "The greatest +charm of my wife is, after all, her perfect naturalness." All who knew +her, must have recognised the same winning characteristic. She was +always fresh and always new--for she had "the well-spring of wisdom as +a flowing brook." ... Were you not struck, in reading Thomas Erskine's +letters on the death of Madame de Broglie, by the wonderful likeness +between her and dear Mrs. Prentiss? Twin sisters could scarcely have +resembled each other more perfectly. Such passages as the following +quite startled me: + +Her friendship has been to me a great gift. She has been a witness to me +for God, a voice crying in the wilderness. She has been a warner and a +comforter. I have seen her continually thirsting after a spiritual union +with God. I have heard the voice of her heart crying after God out from +the midst of all things which make this life pleasant and satisfying.... +She had all the gifts of mind and character--intelligence, imagination, +nobleness, and thoughts that wandered through eternity. She had a heart +fitted for friendship, and she had friends who could appreciate her; but +God suffered her not to find rest in these things, her ear was open to +His own paternal voice, and she became His child, in the way that the +world is not and knoweth not. I see her before me, her loving spirit +uttering itself through every feature of her beautiful and animated +countenance.... There was an unspeakable charm about her. She had a +truth and simplicity of character, which one rarely finds even in +the highest order of men. I know nobody like her now. I hope to pass +eternity with her. It is wonderful to think what a place she has +occupied in my life since I became acquainted with her. + +You know it is my belief that we become better acquainted with our +friends after they have passed on "within the veil." And may it not +be that they become better acquainted with us, too, loving us more +perfectly and forgiving all that has been amiss? [4] + +_To her eldest son, New York, May 12, 1878._ + +This is your father's birthday, and I have given him, to his great +delight, a Fairbanks postal scale. His twenty-years-old one would not +weigh newspapers or books, and it is time for an improvement on it. +On Thursday evening there was a festival at our church in aid of sick +mission children. Everybody was there with their children, and it was +the nicest affair we ever had. M. and I went and enjoyed it ever so +much. I took between four and five dollars to spend, though I had given +between twenty and thirty to the mission, but did not get a chance to +spend much, as Mr. M. took me in charge and paid for everything I ate. +Your father and I rather expect to go to East River, Conn., tomorrow to +help Mrs. Washburn celebrate her seventieth birthday; but the weather is +so cold he doubts whether I had better go. A. went on a long drive on +Friday and brought back a host of wild flowers, which I tried with some +failure and some success to paint. + +_May 19th._--We went to East River on Monday afternoon and came home on +Thursday, making a delightful visit. On Tuesday Mrs. W. and I went to +Norwich to see the Gilmans. I was very tired when we got back, and had +to go to bed at half-past seven. The next day it rained; so Mrs. W. and +I fell to painting. She became so interested in learning Mrs. Fisher's +system that she got up at five the next morning and worked two hours. In +the evening your father gave his lecture at a little club-room, got up +chiefly by Mr. and Mrs. Washburn at their own expense. It is just such +a room as I should like to build at Dorset. On Thursday morning Mrs. +W. took me out to drive through their own woods and dug up some wild +flowers for me. A. has a Miss Crocker, an artistic friend from Portland, +staying with her--a very nice, plucky girl. She wants me to let her take +my portrait. [5] H. is full of a story of a pious dog, who was only fond +of people who prayed, went to church regularly, and, when not prevented, +to all the neighborhood prayer-meetings, which were changed every week +from house to house; his only knowledge of where they would be held +being from Sunday notices from the pulpit! I believe this the more +readily because of Pharaoh's always going to my Bible-reading at Dorset +and never barking there, whereas if I went to the same house to call he +barked dreadfully. + +We are constantly wondering what you boys will be. Good men, I hope, at +any rate. Good-night, with a kiss from your affectionate mother. + +The substance of the following letter of Mrs. Washburn, giving an +account of the visit to East River, as also her impressions of Mrs. +Prentiss, was written in response to one received by her from an old +friend in Turk's Island: [6] + +I am most thankful that we had that last visit from dear Mrs. Prentiss. +It was a rare favor to us that she came. Her health was very delicate, +and a slight deviation from the regular routine of home life was apt to +give her sleepless nights. Dr. P. had sent us word that he was going to +be in New Haven, and would give us a call before returning to New York. +We' were overjoyed at the prospect of seeing him, and wrote immediately +begging Mrs. Prentiss to come with him. She, ever ready to sacrifice her +own ease for the sake of giving pleasure to others, and knowing that the +15th of May would be my 70th anniversary, and that I perfectly longed to +see her, took the risk of personal suffering upon herself to satisfy my +earnest desire, and came. They arrived on the 13th in the late afternoon +train. She was so bright and cheerful it was difficult to notice any +traces of the weariness which she must have felt. + +We passed a delightful evening, and as Dr. P. was to spend a part of the +next day in New Haven, we formed a plan for Mrs. Prentiss and me to +go to Norwich at the same time and make a brief visit to our mutual +friends, the Misses Gilman. Mr. Washburn telegraphed to them that we +were coming. On arriving at New London we found, to our dismay, that we +had been misinformed in regard to the trains, and that the one we had +taken did not connect with the one to Norwich, which had been gone two +hours. So there we were, left alone on the platform, strangers in the +place, with no means of either going on or returning. What should we do? +Our first thought was to procure, if possible, some conveyance to take +us to Norwich and back; but this we found could not be done, for want of +time, the distance between the two cities being fourteen miles or more. +Fortunately for us, a young lad appeared, who promised to take us to our +friends in Norwich, allow us half an hour to spend with them, and drive +to the station there in time for the return train to New London and East +River. He looked so honest and true that we felt we could trust him, and +we acceded to his terms at once. As soon as he could get his carriage +ready we started off on our untried way. + +It began at the foot of a long hill, and continued up and down over a +succession of the same kind, with very rare exceptions of a level space +between them, through the whole distance. But the scenery was so varied +and beautiful, we thought if our only object in setting out had been a +drive, we could not have chosen one more charming. The weather was fine, +and dear Mrs. Prentiss in her happiest mood. As for me, nothing marred +my enjoyment but fear that the fatigue would be too much for her, and an +undercurrent of anxiety lest by some mishap we should fail to re-arrive +at the home-station in time to meet our husbands who would be waiting +for us. But if she had any such misgivings nothing in word or manner +betrayed it. So entire was her self-control, and so delicate her tact, +not to throw the faintest shadow across the wisdom of my precipitate +arrangements. She was as happy as a bird all the way, and talked +delightfully. + +We found our friends had been in a state of great excitement on our +account, having received the telegram, and knowing that we had taken the +wrong train; so that our unexpected arrival was greeted with even more +than their usual cordiality; and they were specially gratified to see +Mrs. Prentiss, who almost without looking, discovered a hundred beauties +in and around their lovely home, which it would have taken the eyes of +an ordinary guest a week to notice. The very shortness of our time to +stay, intensified our enjoyment while it lasted. Our half hour was soon +over, and we came away with our hands full of flowers and our hearts as +full of love. + +We arrived in good time and met our husbands waiting for us at the +station. Dear Mrs. Prentiss did not appear to be very much fatigued +while recounting in her inimitably pleasant manner the various +experiences of the day. A restful night prepared her for the quiet +enjoyments of the next day, which we spent mostly at home, merely making +short calls in the morning on my two sisters, and slowly driving, or +rather, as I call it, "taking a walk in the buggy," through the woods, +stopping every few minutes to look at, or gather ferns or mosses or +budding wild flowers that could not escape her beauty-loving eye. The +afternoon we remained in the house, occupied with our pencils. She +painted a spray of trailing arbutus, talking while she was doing it, as +nobody else could, about things beloved and fair. Our darling Julia was +with us, completely charmed with her, and as busy as we, trying with her +little hands to make pictures as pretty as ours. + +In the evening Dr. P. gave his most interesting lecture on +"Recollections of Hurstmonceaux" in our reading-room; but Mrs. Prentiss +was not able to go, which I regretted the more because I knew many +ladies would be there who came almost as much to see her as to hear him. +They were greatly disappointed, but enjoyed every word of the lecture, +as well they might. The next day was all too short. It seemed to me that +I _could not_ let them go. But she had more than enough for her ever +busy hands and mind and heart to do in preparation for going to her +summer home, and we _had_ to say good-bye. + +A few short, characteristic, loving notes came from the city, before she +left, and I did not hear from her at Dorset till the overwhelming news +came of her death. I could not control my grief. Little Julia tried to +comfort me with her sweet sympathy. "Dear grandma," she said, "I am +sorry too. I can not feel so bad as you do, because you loved her so +much, and you loved her so long; but _I_ loved her too, and I can think +just how she looked when she sat right there by that little table +talking, and painting those beautiful flowers. Oh! I am very sorry." +And here the poor child's tears flowed again with mine. So will all the +children who knew her say, "We remember just how she looked." Yes, there +was no mistaking or forgetting that kindly, loving "look." Julia's +mother had felt its influence from her own early childhood till she left +her precious little one to receive it in her stead. To each of these +half-orphaned ones in turn, I had to read "Little Susy's Six Birthdays," +and both always said to me when I finished, "Please read it again." + +She could read and understand the heart of children through and through, +as indeed she could everybody's. And that was, perhaps, her chiefest +charm; a keen eye to see and a true heart to sympathise and love. She +was absolutely sincere, and no one could help feeling that she was so. +We felt ourselves fairly imaged when standing before her, as in a clear +plate-glass mirror. There were no distorted lines caused by her own +imperfections; for although she considered herself "compassed with +infirmity," no one else could take such a view of her, but only saw the +abundant charity which could cover and forgive a multitude of failings +in others. We felt that if there was any good in us, she knew it, and +even when she saw them "with all our faults she loved us still," and +loved to do us good. + +You would like me to tell you "how she looked." You can form some idea +from her picture, but not an adequate one. Her face defied both the +photographer's and the painter's art. The crayon likeness, taken shortly +before her death by Miss Crocker, a young artist from Maine, is, in +some respects, excellent. The eyes and mouth--not to speak of other +features--are very happily reproduced. She was of medium height, yet +stood and walked so erect as to appear taller than she really was. +Her dress, always tasteful, with little or no ornament that one could +remember, was ever suited to the time and place, and seemed the most +becoming to her which could have been chosen. She was perfectly natural, +and, though shy and reserved among strangers, had a quiet, easy grace of +manner, that showed at once deference for them and utter unconsciousness +of self. Her head was very fine and admirably poised. She had a +symmetrical figure, and her step to the last was as light and elastic as +a girl's. + +When I first knew her, in the flush and bloom of young maternity, her +face scarcely differed in its curving outlines from what it was more +than a quarter of a century later, when the joys and sorrows of +full-orbed womanhood had stamped upon it indelible marks of the +perfection they had wrought. Her hair was then a dark-brown; her +forehead smooth and fair, her general complexion rich without much depth +of color except upon the lips. In silvering her clustering locks time +only added to her aspect a graver charm, and harmonised the still more +delicate tints of cheek and brow. Her eyes were black, and at times +wonderfully bright and full of spiritual power; but they were shaded +by deep, smooth lids which gave them when at rest a most dove-like +serenity. Her other features were equally striking; the lips and chin +exquisitely moulded and marked by great strength as well as beauty. Her +face, in repose, wore the habitual expression of deep thought and a soft +earnestness, like a thin veil of sadness, which I never saw in the same +degree in any other. Yet when animated by interchange of thought and +feeling with congenial minds, it lighted up with a perfect radiance of +love and intelligence, and a most beaming smile that no pen or pencil +can describe--least of all in my hand, which trembles when I try to +sketch the faintest outline. + +Hundreds of heart-stirring memories crowd upon me as I write, but it +is impossible to give them expression. Her books give you the truest +transcript of herself. She wrote, as she talked, from the heart. To +those who knew her, a written page in almost any one of them recalls her +image with the vividness of a portrait; and they can almost hear her +musical voice as they read it themselves. But, alas! in reality-- + + No more her low sweet accents can we hear + No more our plaints can reach her patient ear. + O! loved and lost, oh! trusted, tried, and true, + O! tender, pitying eyes forever sealed; + How can we bear to speak our last adieu? + How to the grave the precious casket yield, + And to those old familiar places go + That knew thee once, and never more shall know? + + I hear from heaven a voice angelic cry, + "Blessed, thrice blessed are the dead who lie + Beneath the flowery sod and graven stone." + "Yea," saith the answering Spirit, "for they rest + Forever from the labors they have done. + Their works do follow them to regions blest; + No stain hereafter can their lustre dim; + The dead in Christ from henceforth live in Him." + + O! doubly dear transfigured friend on high, + We, through our tears, behold thine eyelids dry. + By Him who suffered once, and once was dead, + But liveth evermore through endless days, + God hath encircled thy redeemed head + With rays of glory and eternal praise, + And with His own kind hand wiped every trace + Of tears, and pain and sorrow from thy face. + + C. W. + WILDWOOD, March 7, 1880. + +One of the notes referred to is as follows: + +DEAR MRS. WASHBURN:--If you judge by my handwriting, you will have to +conclude that I am 100 years old. But it all comes of my carrying a +heavy bag too long, and is all my own fault for trying to do too many +errands in one trip. Your dear little chair, the like of which I should +love to give to 540 people, only cost $2.50, so I enclose my check +for the rest of your $10. We sent off Mrs. Badger's parcel early this +morning. I hope digging and driving and packing and climbing in my +behalf, has not quite killed you. A lot of flowers in two boxes came to +me from Matteawan while I was gone, and as my waitress fancied I had +been shopping--as if I _should_ shop at East River!--she did not open +the boxes or inform the children, so the spectacle of withered beauty +was not very agreeable. A. and M. send love and thanks. The flowers you +gave me look beautifully. Give our love to Mr. W. and Julia, and write +about her. We shall not soon forget our charming visit to East River! + +In acknowledging this note Mrs. Washburn alludes to one of Mrs. +Prentiss' most striking traits--the eager promptitude with which she +would execute little commissions for her friends. It was as if she had +taken a vow that there should not be one instant's delay. + +I do hope you have not been made sick by doing so many errands in such +a short time. The little chair has come and Mr. W. is much pleased with +it. Nobody is so punctual as you. We were all amazed at receiving the +picture so soon. How could you possibly have gotten home and packed it +and marked the catalogues and bought the chair and written the check and +sent me the little package of Japanese corn-seed and written me the note +and have had a moment even to look at A.'s portrait? It is a mystery to +me. You are a wonder of a woman! You are a genius! You are a _beloved +friend!_ I thank you again and again. Just think of the good you have +done us. Shall I send you some more daisies? I have written in the +greatest haste. That is the reason I have done no better and not because +I am seventy years old. + +Here is her last note to Mrs. Washburn, dated June 3: + +The box of daisies, clover, and grass came on Saturday. We set the +plants out in the box in which they came, and mixed the grass with what +cut flowers we had, in the very prettiest receptacle for flowers I ever +saw, just given M. The plants look this morning like a piece of Wildwood +and a piece of you, and will gladden every spring we live to see.... +We are packing for Dorset, though we do not mean to go if this weather +lasts. I wonder if you have a "daily rose"? I have just bought one; +first heard of it at the Centennial. It is said to bloom every day from +May to December. + +I am going out, now, to do ever so many errands for H.'s outfit for +college. Give our dear love to Mr. Washburn and Julia. O, what a mercy +it is to have somebody to love. [7] + +On the 6th of June Mrs. Prentiss went to Dorset for the last time. Her +husband, after her departure, thus referred to this period: + +For four or five weeks after coming here she was very much occupied +about the house, and seemed rather weary and care-worn. But the pressure +was then over and she had leisure for her flowers and her painting, for +going to the woods with the girls, and for taking her favorite drives +with me. She spoke repeatedly of you and other friends. On the 23d +of July I started for Monmouth Beach. The week preceding this little +journey was one of the happiest of our married life. No words can tell +how sweet and loving and bright--in a word, how just like herself--she +was. The impassion of that week accompanied me to the sea-side and +continued with me during my whole stay there. As day after day I sat +looking out upon the ocean, or walked alone up and down the shore, she +was still in all my thoughts. The noise of the breakers, the boundless +expanse of waters, the passing ships, going out and coming in, recalled +similar scenes long ago on the coast of Maine, before and after our +marriage--scenes with which her image was indissolubly blended. Then +I met old friends and found new ones, who talked to me with grateful +enthusiasm of "Stepping Heavenward," "More Love to Thee, O Christ," and +other of her writings. In truth, my feelings about her, while I was +at Monmouth Beach, were quite peculiar and excite my wonder still. I +scarcely know how to describe them. They were at times very intense, +and, I had almost said, awe-struck, seemed bathed in a sweet Sabbath +stillness, and to belong rather to the other world than to this of time +and sense. How do you explain this? Was my spirit, perhaps, touched in +some mysterious way by the coming event? Certainly, had I been warned +that she was so soon to leave me, I could hardly have passed those days +of absence in a mood better attuned to that in which I now think of her +as forever at home with the Lord. + +The following are two of her last letters: + +_To Mrs. Condict, Kauinfels, July 22, 1878._ + +To begin with the most important part of your letter. I reply that +neither Mr. Prentiss or myself have ever had any sympathy with Second +Adventists. All the talk about it seems to us mere speculation and +probable doom to disappointment. I do not see that it is as powerful a +stimulant to holiness as the uncertainty of life is. Christ may come any +day; but He may not come for ages; but we must and _shall_ die in the +merest fragment of an age, and see Him as He is. It will be a day +of unspeakable joy, when we meet Him here or there. I shrink from +unprofitable discussion of points that, after all, can only be tested by +time and events. I do not think our expecting Christ will bring Him a +minute sooner, for the early church expected Him, yet He came not. There +has been so much wildness in theories on this subject that I am sore +when I hear new ones advanced; none of these theories have proved to be +correct, and I do not imagine any of them will. + +I have been busy indoors, upholstering not only curtains and couches, +but ever so many boxes, as our bureaus are shallow and our closets +small. I made one for A. large enough for her to get into, and she uses +it as she would a room, suspending objects from the sides and keeping +all her artistic implements in it. I began my Bible-reading last +Thursday, the hottest day we have had; but there was a good attendance. +My G. met with an accident from the circular saw which alarmed and +distressed me so that his father had to hartshorn and fan me, while +the girls did what they could for G. till the doctor could be got from +Factory Point. His eyebrow was cut open and his forehead gashed, but all +healed wonderfully, and we have reason to be thankful that he did not +lose an eye, as he was so near doing. At any time when you must have +change, let me know, as there are often gaps between guests, and +sometimes those we expected, fail. Mr. Prentiss is, apparently, +benefited by hot weather, and is unusually well. Thanks for the needles, +which will be a great comfort. Have you painted a horse-shoe? I had +one given me; black ground and blue forget-me-nots, and hung by a blue +ribbon. I am going to paint one for M. and Hatty. I feel as if I had +left out something I wanted to say. + +_To Mrs. George Payson, Kauinfels, Aug. 1, 1878._ + +I am all alone in the house, this evening, and as this gives me room at +the table, I am going to begin to answer your letter. George is out of +town, and all the rest, including the servants, have gone to see the +Mistletoe Bough. It is astonishing how slowly you get well; and yet +with such heat and such smells as you have in Chicago, it is yet more +astonishing that you live at all. I thought it dreadful to have the +thermometer stand at 90 deg. in my bedroom, three weeks running, and to +sniff a bad sniff now and then from our pond, when the water got low, +but I see I was wrong. We have next to no flowers this summer; white +flies destroyed the roses, frost killed other things, and then the three +weeks of burning heat, with no rain, finished up others. Portulacca is +our rear-guard, on which we fall back, filling empty spaces with it, +and I grow more fond of it every year. A good many verbenas sowed +themselves, but came up too late to be of any use. We have a splendid +bed of pansies, sown by a friend here. + +I have not done much indoors but renovate the house, but that has been a +great job. I brought up a Japanese picture-book to use as a cornice in +my den, but A. persuaded me to get some wall paper, and use the pictures +as a dado for the dining-room. The effect is very unique and pretty. I +expect George home to-morrow; he has been spending a delightful week at +Monmouth Beach, visiting friends. I wish I could send you some of our +delicious ice-cream. We have it twice a week, with the juices of what +fruit is going; peaches being best. We have not had much company yet. +Last Saturday a friend of A.'s came and goes with her to Prout's Neck +to-morrow. We do not count Hatty K. as company, but as one of us. She +gets the brightest letters from Rob S., son of George. I should burst +and blow up if my boys wrote as well. They have telephone and microphone +on the brain, and such a bawling between the house and the mill you +never heard. It is nice for us when we want meal, or to have a horse +harnessed. Have you heard of the chair, with a fan each side, that fans +you twenty-five minutes from just seating yourself in it. It must be +delightful, especially to invalids, and ought to prolong life for +them.... The clock is striking nine, my hour for fleeing to get ready +for bed, but none of the angels have come home from the Mistletoe Bough, +and so I suppose I shall have to make haste slowly in undressing. Love +to all. + +_Aug. 3d._--I am delighted that you enjoyed the serge so much; I knew +you would. I forgot to answer your question about books. Have you read +"Noblesse Oblige"? We admire it extremely. There are two works by this +title; one poor. I read "Les Miserables" last winter, and got greatly +interested in it; whether there is a good English translation, I do not +know. "That Lass o' Lowrie's" you have probably read. I saw a Russian +novel highly praised the other day; "Dosea," translated from the French +by Mary Neal (Sherwood); "Victor Lascar" is said to be good. I have, +probably, praised "Misunderstood" to you. "Strange Adventures of a +Phaeton" we liked; also "The Maid of Sker" and "Off the Skelligs"; its +sequel is "Fated to be Free." + +Two tongues are running like mill-clappers, so good-night. + + * * * * * + +II. + +Little Incidents and Details of her last Days on Earth. Last Visit +to the Woods. Sudden Illness. Last Bible-reading. Last Drive to +Hager-Brook. Reminiscence of a last Interview. Closing Scenes. Death. +The Burial. + + +Her last days on earth were now close at hand. Such days have in +themselves, of necessity, no virtue above other days; and yet a tender +interest clings to them simply as the last. Their conjunction with +death and the Life beyond seems to invest whatsoever comes to pass in +them--even trifles light as air--with unwonted significance. Soon after +her sudden departure her husband noted down, for the satisfaction of +absent friends, such little incidents and details as could be recalled +of her last ten days on earth. The following is a part of this simple +record: + +_Sunday, Aug. 4, 1878._--To-day she went to the house of God for the +last time; and, as would have been her wish, had she known it was for +the last time, heard me preach. There was much in both the tone and +matter of the sermon, that made it seem, afterwards, as if it had been +written in full view of the approaching sorrow. A good deal of the day +at home was spent in getting ready for her Bible-reading on the ensuing +Thursday. At four o'clock in the afternoon she and the girls, M. and H., +usually drove in the phaeton over to the Rev. Mr. Reed's, on the West +road, to attend a neighborhood prayer-meeting; but to-day, on account of +a threatening thunder-shower, they did not go. She enjoyed this little +meeting very much. + +_Monday, Aug. 5th._--Soon after breakfast, she and the girl--"we three +girls," as she used to say--started off, carrying each a basket, for +the Cheney woods in quest of ferns; it having been arranged that at ten +o'clock I should come with the phaeton to fetch her and the baskets +home. The morning, although warm, was very pleasant and all three were +in high spirits. Before leaving the house, she ran up to her "den"--so +she called the little room where she wrote and painted--to get +something; and on passing out of it through the chamber, where just +then I was shaving, she suddenly stopped, and pointing at me with +her forefinger, her eye and face beaming with love and full of sweet +witchery, she exclaimed in a tone of pretended anger: "How dare you, +sir, to be shaving in my room?" and in an instant she was gone! A minute +or two later I looked after her from the window and saw her, with her +two shadows, hurrying towards the woods. At the time appointed, I went +for her. She awaited me sitting on the ground on the further side of +the woods, near the old sugar-house. The three baskets, all filled with +beautiful ferns, were placed in the phaeton and we drove home. + +The Cheney woods, as we call them, form one of the attractions of +Dorset. They are quite extensive, abound in majestic sugar-maples, some +of which have been "tapped," it is said, for more than sixty successive +seasons, and at one point in them is a water-shed dividing into two +little rivulets, one of which, after mingling with the waters of the +Battenkill and the Hudson, finds its way at last into the Atlantic +Ocean; while the other reaches the same ocean through Pawlet River, Lake +Champlain and the St. Lawrence River. These woods and our own, together +with the mountain and waterfall and groves beyond Deacon Kellogg's, +where she often met her old friend "Uncle Isaac," [8] were her favorite +resorts. + +A little while after returning home I found her in her little room, +looking well and happy, and busy with her brush. The girls, also, on +reaching the house found her there. But somewhat later, without our +knowledge, she went out and worked for a long time on and about the +lawn. There was a breeze, but the rays of the sun were scorchingly hot +and she doubtless exerted herself, as she was always tempted to do, +beyond her strength. I was occupied until noon at the mill and later, +in the field, watching the men cradling oats. On coming in to dinner, a +little past one, I was startled not to find her at the table, "Where is +mamma?" said I to M. "She is not feeling very well," M. answered, "and +said she would not come down, as she did not want any dinner." I ran +up-stairs, found her in her little room, and asked her what was the +matter. She replied that she had been troubled with a little nausea and +felt weak, but it was nothing serious. I went back to the table, but +with a worried, anxious mind. Somewhat later she lay down on the bed and +the prostration became so great, that I rubbed her hands vigorously and +administered hartshorn. It occurred to me at once that she had +barely escaped a sunstroke. After rallying from this terrible fit of +exhaustion, she seemed quite like herself again, and listened with much +interest while the girls read to her out of Boswell's Johnson. She was +in a sweet, gentle mood all the afternoon. "I prayed this morning," she +said, "that I might be a comfort to-day to everybody in the house." + +_Tuesday, Aug.6th._--She passed the day in bed; feeble, but otherwise +seeming still like herself. In the course of the morning we persuaded +her to let Margaret, Eddy's old nurse, make her some milk-toast, which +she enjoyed so much that she said, "I wish, Margaret, you were well +enough to come and be our cook." M. had taken the place of our two +servants, who were gone to East Dorset to a Confirmation, at which their +bishop was to be present. Throughout the day she was in a very tender, +gentle mood, as she had been on the previous afternoon. She was much +exercised by the sudden death of the mother of one of our servants, the +news of which came while they were away. Had the case been that of +a near relative, she could hardly have shown warmer sympathy, or +administered consolation in a more considerate manner. + +During the day there was more or less talk about the Bible-reading and I +begged her to give it up. We finally agreed that the girls should drive +over to Mrs. Reed's and ask her to take charge of it. They did so; but +at Mrs. R.'s suggestion it was decided not to give up the meeting, but +to convert it, if needful, into a little service of prayer and praise. +This arrangement seemed to please her. Although feeling very weak, she +did not appear at all depressed and was alive to everything that was +going on in the room. The girls having written to a friend who was to +visit us the next week, she asked if they had mentioned her illness. +They both replied no--for each supposed the other had done it. "Then +(said she) you had better add a postscript, telling her that I lie at +the point of death." + +_Wednesday, Aug. 7th._--A beautiful day. She got up, put on a +dressing-gown, and sat most of the day in the easy-chair, or rather the +_sea_-chair, given us by my dear friend, Mr. Howland, when we went to +Europe in 1858. She looked very lovely and we all enjoyed sitting and +talking with her in her chamber. The girls arranged her hair to please +their own taste, and then told her how very charming she was! She liked +to be petted by them; and they were never so happy as in petting and +"fussing" about her. She spent an hour or two in looking over a package +of old Agriculturists, that had belonged to her brother-in-law, Prof. +Hopkins, of Williams College. She delighted in such reading, and nothing +curious and interesting, or suggestive, escaped her notice. She called +my attention to an article on raising tomatoes, and cut it out for me; +and also cut out many other articles for her own use. + +Towards night she dressed herself and came down to tea. She remained in +the parlor, talking with me and the boys, and reading the paper, until +the girls returned from the Wednesday evening meeting. Something had +occurred to excite their mirth, and they came home in such a "gale" that +she playfully rebuked them for being so light-minded. But at the same +time she couldn't help joining in their mirth. In truth, she was quite +as much a girl as either of them; and her laugh was as merry. + +_Thursday, Aug. 8th._--She seemed to feel much better this morning. +Before getting up we talked about her Bible-reading, and she asked me +various questions concerning the passage that was to be its theme, +namely, John xv. 27. She referred particularly to our Lord's sayings, at +the beginning of the sixteenth chapter, on the subject of persecution, +and told me how very strange and impressive they seemed to her, coming, +as they did, in the midst of His last conversation with His disciples--a +conversation so full of divine tenderness and love. This was almost the +last of innumerable and never-to-be-forgotten talks which we had had +together, during more than a third of a century, upon passages of Holy +Scripture. + +After breakfast she went to her workshop and painted six large titles; +and then went down to the piazza and painted a chair for Hatty. She also +assisted the girls in watering her flowers. "She came round to the back +stoop Thursday morning (one of the servants told me afterwards) and I +said to her, 'Mis Prentiss, and how d'ye feel?' and she said, 'Ellen, I +feel _weak_, but I shall be all right when I get my strength.'" I still +felt troubled about her holding the Bible-reading and tried to dissuade +her from attempting it. She had set her heart upon it, however, and said +that the disappointment at giving it up would be worse than the exertion +of holding it. Her preparation was all made; the ladies would be there, +some of them from a distance, expecting to see her, and she could not +bear to lose the meeting. So I yielded. We were expecting Dr. Vincent by +the afternoon train and I was to go to the station for him. Just as I +was seated in the carriage and was about to start, she came out on the +porch, already dressed for the Bible-reading, and with an expression of +infinite sweetness, half playful and half solemn, pointing at me with +her finger, said slowly: "_You pray--one--little--prayer for me_." Never +shall I forget that arch expression--so loving, so spiritual, and yet +so stamped with marks of suffering--the peculiar tones of her voice, or +that dear little gesture! + +Of her last Bible-reading the following brief account is prepared from +the recollections kindly furnished me by several of the ladies who were +present: + +HER LAST BIBLE-READING. + +There was something very impressive in Mrs. Prentiss' Bible-readings. +She seemed not unlike her gifted father in the power she possessed of +captivating those who heard her. Her manner was perfectly natural, +quiet, and even shy; it evidently cost her considerable effort to speak +in the presence of so many listeners. She rarely looked round or even +looked up; but a sort of magnetic influence attracted every eye to _her_ +and held all our hearts in breathless attention. Her style was entirely +conversational; her sentences were short, clear as crystal, full of +happy turns, and always fresh and to the point. The tones of her voice +were peculiar; I scarcely know how to describe them; they had such a +fine, subtle, _womanly_ quality, were touched--especially at this last +reading--with such tenderness and depth of feeling; I only know that as +we heard them, it was almost as if we were listening to the voice of an +angel! And they are, I am sure, echoing still in all our memories. + +The first glance at her, as she entered the room, a little before three +o'clock on the 8th of August, showed that she was not well. Her eyes +were unusually bright, but the marks of recent or approaching illness +were stamped upon her countenance. It was lighted up, indeed, with even +unwonted animation and spiritual beauty; but it had also a pale and +wearied look. The reading was usually opened with a silent prayer and +closed with two or three short oral prayers. The subject this afternoon +was the last verse of the fifteenth chapter of the Gospel according to +John: _And ye also shall bear witness, because ye have been with me from +the beginning_. Witnessing for Christ, this was her theme. She began by +giving a variety of Scripture references illustrative of the nature and +different forms of Christian witness-bearing. It was her custom always +to unfold the topic of the reading, and to verify her own views of it, +by copious and carefully prepared citations from the Word of God. A +Bible-reading, as she conducted it, was not merely a study of a text, +or passage of Scripture, by itself, but study of it in its vital +relations to the whole teaching of the Bible on the subject in hand. In +the present instance her references were all written out and were so +numerous and so skilfully arranged that they must have cost her no +little labor. Feeling, apparently, too feeble to read them herself, she +turned to her daughter, who sat by her mother's side, and requested her +to do it. + +After the references had been given and the passages read, she went on +to express her own thoughts on the subject. And, surely, had she been +fully conscious that this was the last opportunity she would ever have +of thus bearing witness for Christ, her words could not have been more +happily chosen. Would that they could be recalled just as they issued +from her own lips! But it is not possible so to recall them. One might +as well try to reproduce the sunset scene on the evening of her burial. +For even if the exact words could be repeated, who could bring back +again her tender, loving accents, or that strange earnestness and +"unction from the Holy One" with which they were uttered? Or who could +bring back again the awe-struck, responsive emotions that thrilled our +hearts? The simplest outline of this farewell talk is all that is now +practicable. Had we known what was coming, our memories would, no doubt, +have been rendered thereby sevenfold more retentive, and little that +fell from her lips would have been lost. + +Her first point was the great variety of ways in which we can bear +witness for Christ. We can do it in private as well as in public; and it +is in the private spheres and familiar daily intercourse of life +that most of us are called to give this testimony, and to give it by +manifesting in this intercourse and in these retired spheres the spirit +of our Master. What an opportunity does the family, for example, afford +for constant and most effective witness-bearing! How a mother may honor +Christ in what she says to her children about Him and especially by the +manner in which she fulfils her every-day home duties! How a wife may +thus testify of Christ to her worldly, unconverted husband! And here she +spoke of one form of _public_ testimony which everybody might and ought +to give. "I can not (she said) see all the faces in this room but there +may be those here who have never confessed Christ before men by uniting +with His visible church. Let me tell any such who may be present that +they are grieving their Saviour by refusing to give Him this testimony +of their love and devotion." + +In referring to this subject she remarked that young persons, after +having united with the church, sometimes felt greatly disheartened and +thought themselves the worst Christians in the world. But this was often +a very wrong feeling. Their sense of their own weakness and unworthiness +might come from the Holy Comforter; and we should be very careful how we +treat Him. His influence is a very tender, sacred thing, and, like the +sensitive plant, recoils at the touch of a rude hand. I have wanted, she +said, to speak _cheerful, comforting_ words to you to-day. It was the +particular desire of my husband this morning that I should do so. He +thought that young Christians, especially, needed much encouragement on +this point. It was a great thing to lead them to feel that they could +please their Master and be witnesses for Him in quiet, simple ways, and +that, too, every day of their lives. Our Lord, to be sure, does not +really _need_ our services. He could quite easily dispense with them. +But He lets us work for Him somewhat as a mother lets her little child +do things for her--not because she needs the child's help, but because +she loves to see the child trying to please her. "And yet, Mrs. Prentiss +(asked one of the ladies), does there not come a time when the child is +really of service to the mother?" "I thank you for the suggestion (she +replied); I left my remark incomplete. Yes, it is true such a time does +come. And so, in a certain sense, it may be said, perhaps, that God +needs the services of His children. But how easily He can dispense with +the best and most useful of them! One may seem to have a great task to +perform in the service of the Master, but in the midst of it he is taken +away, and, while he is missed, the work of God goes right on. God does +not see such a difference as we do, she said, between what we call +great and small services rendered to Him. A cup of cold water given in +Christ's name, if that is all one can give, is just as acceptable as the +richest offering; and so is a tea-spoonful, if one has no more to give. +Christ loves to be loved; and the smallest testimony of real love is +most pleasing to Him. And love shown to one of His suffering disciples +He regards as love to Himself. So a little child, just carrying a flower +to some poor invalid, may thus do Christ honor and become more endeared +to Him. There is no one, old or young, who has not the power of blessing +other souls. We all have far more influence, both for good and evil, +than we dream of." + +In the course of her talk she alluded to the trials of life and the +shortness of them at the longest. We are all passing away, one after +another. Our intimate friends will mourn for us when we are gone, but +the world will move on just the same. And we should not allow ourselves +to be troubled lest when our time comes we may be afraid to die. Dying +grace is not usually given until it is needed. Death to the disciple of +Jesus is only stepping from one room to another and far better room of +our Father's house. And how little all the sorrows of the way will seem +to us when we get to our home above! I suppose St. Paul, amidst the +bliss of heaven, fairly _laughs_ at the thought of what he suffered for +Christ in this brief moment of time. And as she said this, she gently +waved her hand in the way of emphasis. No one of us who saw it will soon +forget that little gesture! + +In one part of her remarks she cautioned us against hasty and harsh +judgments. We should cover with our charity the faults and imperfections +of those about us, as nature hides with her mossy covering the unsightly +stone. + +She referred to the case of children: a child often has a sweet +disposition until five or six years of age and then becomes very +irritable and cross, causing the parents much anxiety--and, perhaps, +much impatience. And yet it may not be the child's fault at all; but +only the effect of ill-health, too much study and confinement, or pure +mismanagement. A large portion of the disobedience and wrong temper of +children comes from improper food or loss of sleep, or something of +that sort. And it is not cross fretful _children_ alone that need to be +judged tenderly. A consumptive friend of hers, rendered nervous and weak +by long sickness, upon being asked one morning, as usual, about her +health, replied: "Don't ask me again--_I feel as if I could throw this +chair at you._" Now I do not think, said Mrs. Prentiss, that this +speech was a sin in the sight of God. He saw in it nothing but the poor +invalid's irritable nerves, God judges us according to the thoughts and +intentions of the heart; and we ought, as far as possible, to judge each +other in the same way. And when we ourselves are the ones really at +fault, we ought to confess it. I never shall forget how humiliated I +felt when my mother once came to me and asked my forgiveness--but I +loved her ten times as much for it. + +Prayer was another point touched upon in this last Bible-reading. She +almost always had something fresh and striking to say about prayer. It +was one of her favorite topics. I recall two or three of her remarks +at this time. "Always move the lips in prayer. It helps to keep one's +thoughts from wandering." "A mother can pray with a sick child on her +lap more acceptably than to leave it alone in order to go and pray by +herself." "Accustom yourself to turn all your wants, cares and trials +into prayer. If anything troubled or annoyed my mother she went straight +to the 'spare room,' no matter how cold the weather, and we children +knew it was to pray. I shall never forget its influence over me." "When +a question as to duty comes up, I think we can soon settle it in this +way: 'Am I living near to Christ? Am I seeking His guidance? Am I +renouncing self in what I undertake to do for Him?' If we can say yes to +these questions, we may safely go into any path where duty lies." "We +never dread to hear people pray who pray truly and in the Spirit. They +may be unlearned. They may be intellectually weak. But if they pray +habitually in the closet, they will edify out of it." + +Such is a poor, meagre account of this last precious Bible-reading. +Possibly some of the things here recorded belonged to previous +readings--though Mrs. Prentiss occasionally repeated remarks on points +to which she attached special importance. "Some good (she said) will +come of these meetings, I feel sure. It is impossible that you +should take so much pains, and some of you put yourselves to so much +inconvenience, in order to come here and study together God's Word--and +His blessing not follow." The blessing has already followed, good +measure, pressed down and running over, and it will continue to follow +in days to come; especially the blessings of this last meeting, when, in +a strain so sweet and tender--as though she had a new glimpse of heaven +and the heart of God--our beloved and now sainted teacher urged us to +bear witness for Christ and showed us so plainly how to do it. + +At the close of the meeting she looked very pale and seemed much +exhausted. "You are ill, Mrs. Prentiss," said one of the ladies, +distressed by her appearance. "Yes," she said, "I _am_." Still, it +seemed a great pleasure to her to have met us once more. Nor can I help +thinking that, even if she herself had no presentiment of what was +coming, she was yet led of the Spirit, the blessed Comforter, to hold +this last Bible-reading. It was itself just such a testimony for Christ +as fitly crowned her consecrated and beautiful life. + +Upon my return from the station with Dr. Vincent she met us on the +porch, bade him welcome to Dorset, told him with what extraordinary care +the girls had made ready his room, and appeared in excellent spirits all +the rest of the day. While at tea she expressed to Dr. V. our regret +that Dr. Poor could not have made his visit at the same time; although, +to be sure, they might, if together, have "brought the house down" +upon our heads by the explosions of their mirth. She then related some +amusing anecdotes of a queer, crotchety old domestic of ours in New +Bedford a third of a century ago, and of her delight when Dr. Poor +(then settled at Fair Haven, opposite New Bedford) got married, because +"_now_, it was to be hoped, he would stay at home with his wife and not +be coming over all the time and drinking up our tea!" + +On my asking her about the Bible-reading, she said she got through with +it very well, expressed surprise at the large attendance, and spoke of +the deep interest manifested. After tea she sat with us in the parlor +for some time and then, kissing M. good-night, omitted Hatty and the +boys (a most unusual thing), remarking, as she left for her chamber, +"Well, I'm not going to kiss all this roomful." + +_Friday, Aug.9th_--A severe thunder-storm had set in early last night +and continued at short intervals throughout the day. She was very +anxious that Dr. Vincent should enjoy his visit, and on his account +was disturbed by the weather; otherwise, a thunder-storm seemed to +exhilarate her, as is said to have been the case with her father. She +spent most of Friday in her "den," finishing a little picture and +chatting from time to time with the girls who were busy in the adjoining +room. Dr. Vincent and I sat a part of the forenoon on the piazza under +her window and whiled away the time, he in telling and I in listening to +any number of amusing stories. She called the attention of M. and H. to +our unclerical behavior: "Just hear those doctors of divinity giggling +like two schoolgirls!" But nobody enjoyed more an amusing story, or told +one with more zest than she did herself. + +I forget whether it was on Friday, or an earlier day, that she showed me +a remarkable letter she had received, during my absence at the sea-side, +from London. It was written by a young wife and mother nearly related to +two of the most honored families of England, and sought her counsel in +reference to certain questions of duty that had grown out of special +domestic trials. "Stepping Heavenward," the writer said, had formed an +era in her religious life; she had read it through _from fifty to sixty +times_; it had its place by the side of her Bible; and no words could +express the good it had done her, or the comfort she had derived from +its pages. "The Home at Greylock" had also been of great help to her as +a wife and mother; and she could not but hope that one whose books had +been such a blessing to her, might be able to render her still greater +and more direct aid by personal counsel. The letter, which was +beautifully written and was full of the most grateful feelings, appealed +very strongly to her sympathy. But it was never answered. + +_Saturday, Aug. 10th_--She had a tolerable night, but on coming down to +breakfast said, in reply to Dr. Vincent's question, How she felt? "I +feel like bursting out crying." After prayers, however, when the plans +for the day were arranged and a drive to Hager brook--a picturesque +mountain glen and waterfall--was made the order of the forenoon, she +proposed to go with us. I had almost feared to suggest it, and yet was +greatly relieved to find that she felt able to take the ride. It was +decided, therefore, that she, Hatty K., Dr. Vincent and I should form +the party. As we drove toward the village I noticed that Dr. Wyman was +just stopping at our next neighbor's. Dr. Hemenway, our old physician, +had removed to St. Paul's, and Dr. W. had taken his place. I was +rejoiced to see him, both on her account and my own. I had not been well +myself during the week, and although I had repeatedly proposed to +call in the doctor for her, she stoutly refused. So, after getting a +prescription for myself, I said, "And now, doctor, I want you to +do something for my wife," relating to him her ill-turn on Monday. +"Certainly (the doctor replied) she needs some _arsenicum_," which he +gave her, promising to call and see us on the next Monday. As we rode on +Dr. Vincent suggested, laughingly, what a strange story might be based +upon Dr. W.'s prescription. "I might report, for example, that I myself +saw the author of 'Stepping Heavenward' eating arsenic!" She joined +heartily in the laugh and during all the rest of the drive conversed +with great animation. She related several anecdotes of her early life, +talked with admiration of the writings and genius of Mrs. Stowe--one Of +whose New England stories she had just been reading--and seemed exactly +like herself. Upon reaching the brook in East Rupert and starting with +Dr. Vincent for the glen, I said to her, "Now don't walk off out of +sight, where I can't see you when we come back." "Oh yes, I shall," she +replied in her pleasant way. + +"After we were left alone that Saturday morning (Hatty writes) Mrs. +Prentiss gathered quite a bunch of the wild ageratum, and then dug up +the roots of three wild clematis vines with her scissors. She then +called my attention to the thimbleberry bushes along the edge of +the brook, admiring the foliage of the plant and expressing the +determination to have one or more in her garden next year." + +On coming down from the glen I found her sitting on the ground near the +brook. Taking her by the hand--for she seemed very tired--I helped +her to rise and walked back with her toward the carriage. Just before +reaching the road she saw some clusters of clematis on the side of the +brook, which at her desire I gathered. It was the last service of the +kind ever performed for her, and I am so thankful that no hands but mine +were privileged to perform it! During the drive home she said almost +nothing and was, evidently, feeling very much wearied. We returned by +the West road and on passing in at our gate I observed that Dr. Wyman's +gig was still in front of Miss Kent's. "Why, Lizzy, Dr. Wyman is still +here," said I. "Then, I would like to see him now rather than wait till +Monday," she said, to my surprise. I went immediately and asked him to +call. It was, I think, between eleven and twelve o'clock. He came very +soon and she received him in the parlor. I noticed at once that she was +extremely nervous and agitated, while explaining to him her symptoms; +and not being able to recall some point, she remarked that her mind had +been much confused all the week. Just then she rose hastily, excused +herself, and went up to her room. "_She is very ill_ (said the doctor, +turning to me) and must go to bed instantly." While he was preparing +her medicines Judge M. and family from New York, who were sojourning at +Manchester, called; but learning of her illness, soon left. Later in the +day I told her who had called and how much Mrs. M. and the young ladies +admired her flowers, especially the portulacas. She seemed pleased +and said to me, "You had better, then, prepare two little boxes of +portulacas and send them over to Mrs. M. to keep in her windows while +she stays at the Equinox House." A few days after her death I did so and +received a touching note of thanks from Mrs. M. + +As the doctor directed, she at once took to her bed. For an hour or two +her prostration was extreme, and she nearly fainted. Her head shook and +her condition verged on a collapse. I rubbed her hands vigorously, gave +her a restorative, and gradually her strength returned. In speaking of +the attack she said the sense of weakness was so terrible that she would +gladly have died on the spot. In the course of the afternoon, however, +she was so much easier that the girls read to her again out of Boswell's +Johnson and she seemed to listen with all the old interest. It pleased +her greatly to have them read to her; and she loved to talk with them +about the books read and especially to discuss the characters depicted +in any of them. + +Toward evening George brought in some trout, which he had caught for her +out of our brook. Her appetite was exceedingly poor, but she was very +fond of trout and G. often caught a little mess for her supper. Our +brook never seemed so dear to me, nor did its rippling music ever +sound so sweet, as when I did the same thing, before he came home from +Princeton and took the privilege out of my hands. When he brought in the +trout, Ellen went to his mother's chamber and asked if they should not +be kept for breakfast? "No, they are very nice and you had better have +them for supper." "Shan't I save some for your breakfast?" asked Ellen, +knowing how fond she was of them. "No," said she, "the doctor says I +must take nothing but beef-tea." "And d'ye feel better, Mis' Prentiss?" +continued Ellen. "Oh I feel better, Ellen, but I'm very weak--I shall be +all right in a few days." + +After tea she insisted on sending for Mrs. Sarah C. Mitchell, of +Philadelphia, whom she had been unable to see on the previous Monday. +Mrs. M. was the last person out of the family, with whom she conversed, +excepting the doctors and nurse. [9] + +_Sunday, Aug. 11th._--She slept better than I feared, but awoke very +feeble, taking no nourishment except a little beef-tea. She lay quiet a +part of the time; but the quiet intervals grew shorter and were followed +by most distressing attacks. M. and I sat by her bed, but could do +nothing to relieve her. My fears had now become thoroughly aroused and +I awaited the arrival of the doctor with the most intense anxiety. Hour +after hour of the morning, however, passed slowly away and he did not +come. At length a messenger brought word from the "West road," where he +had been called at midnight, that an urgent telegram had summoned him to +Arlington and that he should not be able to reach Dorset before one or +two o'clock P.M. The anguish of the suspense during the next three or +four hours was something dreadful. When the bell rang for church she +desired that M. should go, as Dr. Vincent was to preach, and it would +give a little relief from the strain that was upon her. + +Soon after M. had left, during an interval of comparative ease, she +fixed her eyes upon me with a most tender, loving expression, and in a +sort of beseeching tone, said, "Darling, don't you think you could ask +the Lord to let me go?" Perceiving, no doubt, how the question affected +me, she went on to give some reasons for wishing to go. She spoke very +slowly, in the most natural, simple way, and yet with an indescribable +earnestness of look and voice, as if aware that she was uttering her +dying words. I can not recall all that she said, but its substance, and +some of the exact expressions, are indelibly impressed upon my memory. +For my and the children's sake she had been willing and even desired to +live; and for several years had made extraordinary efforts to keep up, +although much of the time the burden of ill-health, as I well knew, had +been well-nigh insupportable. So far as this world was concerned, few +persons in it had such reasons for wishing to live, or so much to render +life attractive. But the feeling in her heart had become overpowering +that no earthly happiness, no interest, no distraction, could any longer +satisfy her, or give her content, away from Christ; and she longed to be +with Him, where He is. During the past three months especially, she had +passed through very unusual exercises of mind with reference to this +subject; and it seemed to her as if she had now reached a point +beyond which she could not go. She evidently had in view the dreadful +_sleeplessness_, to which she had been so in bondage for a quarter of +a century, whose grasp had become more and more relentless, and the +effects of which upon her nervous system were such as words can hardly +describe. No human being but myself had any conception of her suffering, +both physical and mental, from this cause. + +To return to her conversation.... In answer to a question which I put to +her later, about her view of heaven and of the relation of the saints in +glory to their old friends there and here, she replied, in substance, +that to her view _heaven is being with Christ and to be with Christ +is heaven_. By this she did not mean, I am sure, to imply any doubt +respecting the immortality of Christian love and friendship, or that +our individual human affections will survive the grave. Often had she +delighted herself in the thought of meeting her sainted father and +mother in heaven, of meeting there Eddy and Bessie and other dear ones +who had gone before; and certain I am, too, she believed that those who +are gone before retain their peculiar interest in those who are toiling +after, only her mind was so absorbed in the thought of the presence and +beatific vision of Christ in His glory that, for the moment, it was lost +to everything else. + +She then said that, in the event of her death, she would like to be +buried in Dorset, where we could easily visit her grave. "But I do not +expect to go now," she added. This meant, as I interpret it, that she +regarded so speedy a departure to be with Christ as something _too good +to be true_. Repeatedly, when very ill, she had thought herself on the +verge of heaven and had been called back to earth, and she feared it +would be so now. + +Hardly had this never-to-be-forgotten conversation come to a close when +her feet entered "the swelling of Jordan," and found no rest until +they walked the "sweet fields beyond." Her disease (gastro-enteritis) +returned with great violence; the medical appliances seemed to have +little or no effect; and the paroxysms of pain were excruciating. +A chill, also, began to creep over her. About two o'clock, to my +inexpressible relief, the doctor arrived. Her first thought was that he +should rest a little and that some ice-cream should be brought to him. +In answer to his inquiries she told him that she had never known agony +such as she had endured that forenoon, and he immediately applied +remedies adapted to the case. But they afforded only temporary relief. +A terrible restlessness seized upon her and would not let go its hold. +Towards evening she got into the sea-chair, and remained in it near the +open window until morning. On leaving for the night Dr. Wyman intrusted +her to the care of Dr. Slocum, who had recently come to Dorset. Dr. S. +remained with her all night and was indefatigable in trying to alleviate +her sufferings. "How kind he is!" she said to me once when he had left +the room. M. sat up with me till towards morning and assisted in +giving the medicines. Her distress could only be assuaged by inhaling +chloroform every few minutes and by the constant use of ice. As from +time to time, going down for the ice, I stepped out on the piazza, the +scene that met my eye was in strange contrast to the one I had just +left. Within the sick-chamber it was a night dark with suffering and +anxiety; as the hours passed slowly away, my heart almost died in the +shadow of the coming event; all was gloom and agitation except the sweet +patience of the sufferer. But the beauty and stillness of the night out +of doors was something marvellous. The light of the great harvest moon +was like the light of the sun. It flooded hills and valley with its +splendor. The outlines of each mountain, of every tree, and of all +visible objects, far or near, were as distinct as those of the stars, or +of the moon itself. As I stood and gazed upon the infinite beauty of the +scene, I felt, as never in my life before, how helpless is Nature in the +presence of a great trouble. The beauty of the night was fully matched +by that of the morning. As the first rays of the sun crossed the +mountains and shone down upon the valley, I said to myself, even while +my heart was racked with anxious foreboding--"How wonderful! How +wonderful!" + +_Monday, Aug. 12th._--For some hours she seemed much more comfortable, +and, in the course of the morning, of her own accord, was removed from +the chair to the bed. "On Monday morning (writes Dr. Wyman) I found her +with temperature nearly normal, pulse less than 100, and other symptoms +improved. This gave us hope that the worst was passed, but it was only +the lull before the storm." She was for the most part quiet and took +little notice of anything that was going on. During the forenoon M. +tried to get some rest in the sea-chair by the window, while Hatty kept +her place by the bed. Several times Lizzy looked round the room as if +in quest of some one. Hatty perceiving this and guessing what it meant, +stepped aside (she was between the bed and the chair so as to intercept +the view), when she fixed her eyes upon M. and rested as if she had +found what she sought. Having been up most of the night, I also tried +to get a little rest in another room, and later went out in search of +a nurse and engaged an excellent one, Mrs. C., who came early in the +afternoon. + +Notwithstanding my deep anxiety I was deceived by the more favorable +symptoms, and did not allow myself, during the day, to think she would +not recover. In the early evening I wrote to A., who was absent in +Maine: + +I am sorry to say that your mother had a very trying day yesterday and +has been extremely weak and exhausted to-day.... Nervous prostration +appears to be the great trouble. She has rested quietly much of the time +to-day and the medicines seem to be doing their work; and in a couple of +days, I trust, she may be greatly improved. You know how these ill-turns +upset her and how quickly she often rallies from them. She is very +anxious you should not shorten your visit on her account. + +Soon after this letter was written, the whole aspect of the case +suddenly changed. The unfavorable symptoms had returned with renewed +violence. Dr. W. asked her, during one of the paroxysms, about the pain. +She answered that it was not a pain--it was a distress, an _agony_. But +from first to last she never uttered a groan--not during the sharpest +paroxysms of distress. She seemed to say to herself, in the words of two +favorite German mottoes, which she had illumined and placed on the wall +over her bed, _Geduld, Mein Herz!_ (Patience, My Heart!)--_Stille, Mein +Wille!_ (Still, My Will!) "The patient and uncomplaining manner," writes +Dr. Wyman, "in which the most agonizing pains which it has ever been my +lot to witness were borne--with no repining, no murmur, no fretfulness, +but quiet, peaceful submission to endure and suffer--will not soon be +forgotten." At eleven o'clock, when the doctor left, I sent the nurse +away for a couple of hours rest and took her place by the sick-bed. +Lizzy, who had already begun to feel the effects of the morphine, lay +motionless, and breathed somewhat heavily, but not alarmingly so. + +_Tuesday, Aug. 13th._--Shortly after one o'clock I called the nurse and, +directing her to summon me at once in the event of any change, retired +to the green-room for a little rest. The girls had been persuaded before +the doctor left, to throw themselves on their bed. Everything was quiet +until about three o'clock, when Hatty knocked at my door with a message +from the nurse. I hurried down and saw at the first glance as I entered +the room, that a great change had taken place. It seemed as if I heard +the crack of doom and that the world was of a sudden going to pieces. I +went to G.'s room, woke him, told him what I feared, and desired him to +go for Dr. Slocum as quickly as possible. He was dressed in an instant, +as it were, and gone. In the meantime I woke H., and told him his +mother, I feared, was dying. When Dr. Slocum arrived he felt her pulse, +looked at her and listened to her breathing for a minute or two, and +then, turning slowly to me, said, _It is death!_ This was not far from +four o'clock. I asked if I had better send at once for Dr. Wyman? "He +can do nothing for her," was the reply, "but you had better send." I +requested G. to call Albert, and tell him to go for Dr. W. as fast as +possible. "I will saddle Prince and go myself," G. said; and in a few +minutes he was riding rapidly towards Factory Point. I then knocked at +Dr. Poor's door. Upon opening it and being told what was coming, he was +so completely stunned that he could with difficulty utter a word. He had +arrived the previous afternoon on the same train by which Dr. Vincent +left. I had tried by telegraph to _prevent_ his coming; but a kind +Providence so ordered it that my message reached Burlington, where he +had been on a visit, just after he had started for Dorset. + +The night, like that of Sunday, was as day for brightness. Never shall +I forget its wondrous beauty, although it seemed only a mockery of my +distress. Soon after the first rays of the sun appeared, Dr. Wyman came, +but only to repeat, _It is death_. I asked him how long she might be a +dying. "Perhaps several hours; but she may drop away at any moment." +We all gathered about her bed and watched the ebbing tide of life. +The girls were already kneeling together on the left side. They never +changed their posture for more than four hours; they wept, but made no +noise. The boys stood at the foot of the bed, deeply moved, but calm +and self-possessed. The strain was fearful; and yet it was relieved by +blessed thoughts and consolations. Although the chamber of death, it was +the chamber of peace, and a light not of earth shone down upon us all. +He who was seen walking, unhurt, in the midst of the fire and whose form +was like the Son of God, seemed to overshadow us with His presence. + +As the end drew near, we all knelt together and my old friend, Dr. Poor, +commended the departing spirit to God and invoked for us, who were +about to be so heavily bereaved, the solace and support of the blessed +Comforter.... The breathing had now grown slower and less convulsive, +and at length became gentle almost like that of one asleep; the +distressed look changed into a look of sweet repose; the eyes shut; the +lips closed; and the whole scene recalled her own lines: + + Oh, where are words to tell the joy unpriced + Of the rich heart, that breasting waves no more, + Drifts thus to shore, + Laden with peace and tending unto Christ! + +About half-past seven it became evident that the mortal struggle was on +the point of ending. For several minutes we could scarcely tell whether +she still lived or not; and at twenty minutes before eight she drew one +long breath and all was over. + +Again we knelt together, and in our behalf Dr. Poor gave thanks to +Almighty God for the blessed saint now at rest in Him--and for all she +had been to us and all she had done for Him, through the grace of Christ +her Saviour. + +The following account of the burial was written by the Rev. Dr. Vincent +and appeared in the New York Evangelist: + +DORSET, VT. _August 16, 1878._ + +This lovely valley has been, for the past few days, "a valley of the +shadow." It is not the least significant tribute to one so widely known +as Mrs. Prentiss, that her death has affected with such real sorrow, and +with such a deep sense of loss, this little rural community which has +been her home during a large part of the last ten years. It would have +been hard to find among all who gathered at the funeral services on +Wednesday, a face which did not bear the marks of true sorrow and of +tender sympathy; while from the groups of sunburned farmers gathered +round the door or walking towards the cemetery, were often heard the +words "a great loss." + + * * * * * + +The funeral took place at the house on Wednesday afternoon, and was +conducted by the Rev. P. S. Pratt, pastor of the old Congregational +Church of Dorset; assisted by Dr. Vincent, and Dr. D. W. Poor. Mr. Pratt +read the twenty-third Psalm and a part of the fourteenth chapter of +John, which was followed by the hymn, "O gift of gifts, O grace of +faith," after which Dr. Poor delivered a most appropriate, tender, and +interesting address. Dr. Vincent then offered prayer, and the hymn +"Nearer, my God, to Thee," was sung, closing the services at the house. +The large assemblage passed in succession by the casket, where lay such +an image of perfect rest as one is rarely favored to see. All traces of +struggle and pain had faded from the expressive face, and nothing was +left but the sweetness of eternal repose. + +It was now a little after six o'clock, and the shadows were lengthening +in the valley at the close of one of those rare days of the ripe summer, +which only the hill-countries develop in their perfect loveliness. The +long procession moved from the house, and at the distance of about a +quarter of a mile entered the little cemetery; and as it mounted the +slope on which was the grave, the scene was one of most pathetic beauty. +Standing in the shadow of the hills which bound the valley on the east, +the eye ranged southward to the long, undulating outline of the Green +Mountain, coming round to the Equinox range on the west, "muffled thick" +to its very crest with the green maples and pines, and still farther +round to the bold hills and sloping uplands on the north. Below lay the +quiet village, at our feet "God's acre," with the train of mourners +winding among the white stones. Who could stand there, compassed about +by the mountains, and in the shadow of that great sorrow, and not +whisper the words of the Pilgrim Psalm, "I will lift up mine eyes unto +the hills. Whence should help come to me? My help cometh from Jehovah, +who made heaven and earth." + +As the casket was borne to the grave, the setting sun, which for the +last half hour had been hidden by a mass of clouds, burst out in full +splendor, gilding the mountain-tops and shedding his parting rays upon +the group around the tomb, the stricken family, the weeping neighbors +and friends, especially the women whom for some years past she had been +in the habit of meeting at her weekly Bible-reading, and some of whom +had walked each week for miles along the mountain roads, through storm +and heat, to drink of the living waters which flowed at her touch. + +Dr. Vincent, holding in his hand a little, well-worn volume, and +standing at the foot of the grave, spoke substantially as follows: + +I am glad, my friends, that I am not one of those who know God only as +they find Him identified with the woods and fields and streams. If this +were so, I should turn from the grave of this beloved friend, and go my +way in utter heart-sickness and hopelessness; for Nature would but mock +me to-day with her fulness of summer life. These forest-clad mountains, +that waving grain, those woods, pulsating with the hum of insects and +with the song of birds, all speak of life, while we stand here at the +close of a precious and useful human life, to lay in the dust all that +remains of what was so dear, and so fruitful in good. + +But, thanks to God, we are not here as those who face an insoluble +riddle. We believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the resurrection of +the dead; and with this key in our hand, we stand here at the grave's +mouth, and looking backward, interpret the lesson of this closed life; +and looking forward, gaze with hope into the future. Thus Nature becomes +our consoler instead of our mocker; a type, and not a contradiction of +human immortality. Thus, and only thus, do we find ourselves at the +standpoint from which Christ viewed nature when He said, "Except a corn +of wheat fall into the ground and die it abideth alone; but if it die, +it bringeth forth much fruit"; the standpoint from which Paul viewed +nature when he wrote, "That which thou sowest is not quickened except it +die; and that which thou sowest, thou sowest not that body which shall +be, but bare grain, it may chance of wheat, or of some other grain; but +God giveth it a body as He willeth, and to every seed his own body. So +also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption, it is +raised in incorruption. It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. +It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. It is sown a natural +body, it is raised a spiritual body." + +And thus too we can understand the words which I read from this little +volume, the daily companion of our friend for many years, containing a +passage of Scripture for every day in the year, and marked everywhere +with her notes of special anniversaries and memorable incidents. Was it +merely an accidental coincidence that, on the morning of the thirteenth +of August, on which she exchanged earth for heaven, the passage for the +day was, "I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are +the dead which die in the Lord, from henceforth, yea, saith the Spirit, +that they may rest from their labors, and their works do follow them." + +There are two thoughts in this verse which seem to me to be fraught +with comfort and hope to us as we gather round this grave. There is the +thought of rest. "They rest from their labors." Bethink you of the long +life marked by the discipline of sorrow, and by those unwearied labors +for others. Bethink you of the racking agony of the last two days; and +how blessed, how soothing the contrast introduced by the words--"She +rests from her labors." Still is the busy hand; at rest the active +brain; completed the discipline; the pain ended forever. + +The other thought is that her work is not done, so far as its results +are concerned. "Their works do follow them." Think you that because she +will no longer meet you in her weekly Bible-readings, because her pen +will no more indite the thoughts which have made so many patient under +life's burdens, and helped so many to make of their burdens steps on +which to mount heavenward--think you her work is ended? Nay. Go into +yonder field, and pluck a single head of wheat, and plant the grains, +and you know that out of each grain which falls into the ground and +dies, there shall spring up an hundred-fold. Shall you recognise so much +multiplying power in a corn of wheat, and not discern the infinitely +greater power of multiplication enfolded in a holy life and in a holy +thought? No. Through the long years in which her mortal remains shall be +quietly resting beneath this sod, the work of her tongue and pen shall +be reproducing itself in new forms of power, of faith, and of patience. + +And yet we seem to want something more than these two thoughts give +us. It does not satisfy us to contemplate only rest from labor and the +perpetuated fruits of labor. And that something this same little volume +gives us in the words appointed for this day, on which we commit her +mortal part to the grave: "For God is not unrighteous to forget your +work and labor of love, which ye have showed toward His name, in that +ye have ministered to the saints and do minister. Be not slothful, +but followers of them who, through faith and patience, inherit the +promises." Here the veil is lifted, and we get the glimpse we want of +her inheritance and reward in heaven. She has inherited the promises; +such promises as these: "If children, then heirs, heirs of God, and +joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with Him, that we may +be also glorified together." "They shall hunger no more, neither thirst +any more, neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat; for the +Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead +them to living fountains of waters, and God shall wipe away all tears +from their eyes." "They shall see His face, and His name shall be in +their foreheads." "To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in +my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in +His throne." + +Thus we commit this mortal body to the ground in hope, and with +assurances of victory. Oh, it is one of the most wonderful of facts, +that at the grave's very portal, amid all the tears and desolation which +death brings, we can stand and sing hymns of triumph--even that song +which, from the morning when the angels met Mary at the Lord's empty +supulchre, has been sounding over the graves of the dead in Christ--"O +death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of +death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, +who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." + +How sweet, how impressive, is this scene! No wonder that we linger +here while Nature, at this evening hour, speaks to us so tenderly and +beautifully of rest. Even as yonder clouds break from the setting +sun, and are tinged with glory by its parting beams, so our sorrow is +illumined by this truth of the Resurrection. There is no terror in +death, and relieved by such a faith and hope, our thoughts are all of +peace, and flow naturally into the mould of those familiar lines: + + "So fades a summer cloud away, + So sinks the gale when storms are o'er, + So gently shuts the eye of day, + So dies a wave along the shore." + +But this scene is adapted also to kindle aspiration in our hearts-- +aspiration to be followers of them who, through faith and patience, +inherit the promises. Her victory over death is the victory of love to +Christ; and that same victory may be yours through the same Christ in +whose name she conquered. Shall we not pray that His love may be shed +abroad in all our hearts in richer measure? And can we better frame that +prayer than in those lines which she wrote out of her own heart? Let us +then sing + + MORE LOVE TO THEE, O CHRIST. + + More love, O Christ, to Thee! + Hear Thou the prayer I make + On bended knee: + This is my earnest plea,-- + More love, O Christ, to Thee! + More love, O Christ, to Thee! + More love to Thee. + + Once earthly joy I craved, + Sought peace and rest; + Now Thee alone I seek; + Give what is best! + + This all my prayer shall be,-- + More love, O Christ, to Thee! + More love to Thee. + + Let sorrow do its work, + Send grief and pain; + Sweet are Thy messengers, + Sweet their refrain, + When they can sing with me + More love, O Christ, to Thee! + More love to Thee. + + Then shall my latest breath + Whisper Thy praise! + This be the parting cry + My heart shall raise, + This still its prayer shall be, + More love, O Christ, to Thee! + More love to Thee. + +After the singing of these words, Mr. Pratt, according to the old +country custom, returned thanks to the assembled friends in the name of +the family, for their sympathy and aid in the burial of their dead. The +several members of the household each laid a floral offering upon the +casket lid, and the body was lowered into the grave. Dr. Vincent uttered +the solemn words of committal to the dust, and Dr. Poor pronounced the +parting blessing in the words, "The God of peace who brought again from +the dead our Lord Jesus, that Great Shepherd of the sheep, through the +blood of the Everlasting Covenant, make you perfect in every good work +to do His will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in His sight, +through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen." + +Thus the valley of the shadow has been irradiated. To those who have +been permitted to participate in these closing scenes, it has seemed +like standing at heaven's gate. The valley of the shadow has become a +transfiguration mountain, where we have seen the Lord. + + * * * * * + +Hardly had the news of her death left Dorset when there began to pour +in upon its stricken household a stream of the tenderest Christian +sympathy; nor did the stream cease until it had brought loving messages +from the remotest parts of the land. Her friends seemed overcome with +special wonder that she could have died, so vividly was she associated +in their thoughts with life and sunlight. For months, too, after the +return of the family to their city home, letters from far and near +continued to bear witness to the mingled emotions of sorrow and of +thanksgiving excited by her sudden departure from earth--sorrow for a +great personal loss; thanksgiving that she had gone to be forever with +the Lord. A little volume of selections from these varied testimonies +would form a very touching and precious tribute to her memory. + +"The human heart," to use her own words, "was made by so delicate, so +cunning a hand, that it needs less than a breath to put it out of tune; +and an invisible touch, known only to its own consciousness, may set +all its silvery bells to ringing out a joyous chime. Happy he, thrice +blessed she, who is striving to hush its discords and to awaken its +harmonies by never so imperceptible a motion!" Surely, the triple +benediction belonged to her. Already tens of thousands, both young and +old, who never saw her face, but have been aided and cheered by her +writings, gladly call her "thrice blessed." May this story of her life +serve to increase their number and so to render her name dearer still. +Above all, may it help to inspire some other souls with her own +impassioned and adoring love to our Lord Jesus Christ. + + +[1] She was specially touched by the sudden decease of Mrs. Harriet +Woolsey Hodge, of Philadelphia, to whom both for her mother's and her +own sake she was warmly attached. + +[2] J. Cleveland Cady, the distinguished architect. + +[3] Mrs. Antoinette Donaghe died at Staunton, Va., April 14, 1882. Her +last years were passed amid great bodily sufferings, which she bore with +the patience of a saint. She was a woman of uncommon excellence, a true +Christian lady, and much endeared to a wide circle of friends in New +Haven, New York, and elsewhere. Her husband, Mr. James Donaghe, a most +worthy man, for many years a prominent citizen of New Haven, died on +the 1st of January, 1878. He and Mrs. Donaghe were among the original +members of the Church of the Covenant. + +[4] The book alluded to is Letters of Thomas Erskine of Linlathen. From +1800 till 1840. Edited by Dr. Hanna, and republished by G. P. Putnam's +Sons. The Duchess de Broglie was born in Paris, in 1797, and died in +September, 1838, at the age of forty-one. She was the only daughter of +the celebrated Madame de Stael. Some pleasant glimpses of her are given +in the Life, Letters, and Journals of George Ticknor. Vol. I., pp. +128-139. Vol. II., pp. 103-139. + +[5] The portrait in this volume is from a drawing by Miss Crocker, +engraved by A. H. Ritchie. Miss C., after pursuing her studies for some +time in Paris, has opened a studio in New York. + +[6] In this letter she told me how much good Stepping Heavenward had +done her and how sorry she felt on hearing of Mrs. P.'s death, that she +had never written, as she longed to do, to thank her for it. "Dear soul! +(she added) perhaps she knows now how many hearts she has lifted up and +comforted by her wonderful words."--_From a letter of Mrs. W._ + +[7] Mr. Washburn died on Sunday, the 18th of September, 1881, aged 80 +years. He was born in Farmington, Conn. His father, the Rev. Joseph +Washburn, pastor of the Congregational Church in F., was cut off in +the prime of a beautiful and saintly manhood. He inherited some of his +father's most attractive traits and was a model of Christian fidelity +and uprightness. In a notice which appeared in the New York Evangelist, +shortly after his death, President Porter, of Yale College, whose father +succeeded the Rev. Mr. Washburn as pastor of the church in Farmington, +thus refers to his life at Wildwood: "Some twenty years since he retired +for a part of eight years to the singularly beautiful house which was +selected and prepared by the taste of himself and wife, near East River, +a district in Madison, which he has for several years made his permanent +residence. His life was singularly even in its course and happy in its +allotments; a blessing to himself and a blessing to the world. His +memory will long be cherished by the many who knew him as one whom to +know was to love and honor." + +[8] Mr. Isaac Farwell, or "Uncle Isaac," as everybody called him, was +the most remarkable man in Dorset. He died in 1881 in the 102d year of +his age. His centennial was celebrated on the 14th of July, 1879; the +whole town joining in it. He was full of interest in life, retained his +mental powers unimpaired, and would relate incidents that occurred in +the last century, as if they had just happened. Mrs. Prentiss was fond +of meeting him: and after her departure he delighted to recall his talks +with her and to tell where he had seen her creeping through fences, +laden with rustic trophies, as she and her daughter came home from their +tramps in the fields and over the hills. + +[9] The following is an extract from a letter of Mrs. M. giving an +account of the interview: It was of her I thought, as an hour before +sunset, on that day, I passed through the grounds to the door of her +beautiful home. I thought of her as I had seen her busy at work among +her flowers on the morning of the day when the fatal illness began, +wearing a straw hat, with broad brim to protect her from the heat of the +sun. Several of her family were standing around her, and the pleasant +picture we saw as we drove by the lovely lawn is fresh and green in +my memory now. Once, after this, I had seen her, at our last precious +Bible-reading (though little thought we then it would be our last), when +she so earnestly urged us to be true "witnesses" for our Master and Lord +and gently bade us God-speed, "_encouraging_" us also, as she expressed +it, "by the particular desire of my husband to-day," in the heavenward +path. I knew that she was not quite well, and as I entered the house was +invited to her chamber. + +I found her attired as usual, but reclining on the bed, apparently only +for quiet rest. Her greeting was warm, her eyes bright, she was very +cheerful, and, I think, was not then suffering from pain. To my +inquiries after her health, she replied, that she had been at first +prostrated by the heat of the sun, remaining at work in it too long, +with no idea of danger from the exposure; "but now," she said, "I do not +think much is the matter with me"--though afterwards she added, "The +doctor has said something to my husband which has alarmed him about +me, and he is anxious, but I can not perceive any reason for this." We +talked of many familiar things, even of home-like methods of cookery, +and she kindly sent for a small manuscript receipt-book of her own to +lend me, looking it over and turning down the leaves at some particular +receipts which she approved, and "those were my mother's," she said +of several. She spoke of her engagements and the guests she loved to +entertain, adding that she thought God had given this pleasant home, +surrounded by such beautiful things in nature, that others too might +be made happy in enjoying them. All the time while listening to her +remarks, and deeply interested in every one she made, the strong desire +was in my heart to speak to her of her works, of my appreciation of +their great usefulness, and how God had blessed her in permitting her to +do so much to benefit others. I longed to say to her, "O had you only +written the books for the little ones, 'Little Susy's Six Birthdays,' +and its companions, it would have been well worth living for! had +you never written anything but 'The Flower of the Family,' it were +a blessing for you to have lived! And 'Stepping Heavenward'--what a +privilege to have lived to write only that volume!" I could scarcely +refrain from pouring out before her the thoughts which warmed my heart, +but I had been told that she preferred not to be spoken to of her works, +and I refrained. Only once, when we were alone, I said, with some +emotion, "I am so glad to have seen you; it was because _you_ were here +that I wished to come to this village; this was the strong attraction." +... Thus I parted from her. I shall not look upon her again until the +day when "those who sleep in Jesus shall God bring with Him." + + + + +APPENDIX + +A. + + +The allusion is to a young officer of the navy, James Swan Thatcher--a +grandson of General Knox, the friend of Washington, and a younger +brother of Lieutenant, afterwards the gallant Rear Admiral, Henry Knox +Thatcher. He had become deeply interested in Miss Payson, and at length +solicited her hand. The story of his hopeless attachment to her, as +disclosed after his death, is most touching. He would spend hours +together late into the night in walking about the house, which, to +borrow his brother's expression, "his love had placed on holy ground." +He was a young man of singular purity and nobleness of character--"one +of a thousand," to use her own words--and, although she could not accept +him as a lover, she cherished for him a very cordial friendship. Not +long after, he was lost at sea. In later years she often referred to him +and his tragical end with the tenderest feeling. The following is an +extract from a letter of Rear Admiral Thatcher to her husband, written +several months after her death and shortly before his own: + +I have read with great interest your reference to my dear and only +brother, James Swan Thatcher. It carried me back to one of the saddest +afflictions of my life. We had both been stationed at Portland for the +purpose of recruiting some of the hardy sons of Maine as seamen for the +U. S. naval service. The wife of the Rev. Dr. Dwight had advised my +calling upon Mrs. Payson, Cumberland street, to obtain quarters. I did +so, and with my wife removed from a noisy hotel to the quiet of that +most desirable retreat. My brother made frequent visits to us, and, by +invitation of Mrs. Payson, dined with us on Sundays, and passed the +hours between meetings, accompanying the ladies to church in the +afternoons. This led to an acquaintance between Miss Payson and +himself. As they were both highly intellectual and were both "stepping +heavenward," they naturally fancied each other's conversation and +formed a mutual friendship. Until after my dear brother's death I +never imagined that it was more than a fondness for Miss Payson's +conversational gifts that induced him to call so frequently at +Cumberland street.... James was unexpectedly ordered to join the U. S. +schooner Grampus at Norfolk, Va., for a winter cruise on the Southern +coast for relief of distressed merchant vessels. The cruise continued +for some weeks without entering any port, but about the 20th of March, +1843, the Grampus appeared off the bar of Charleston, S. C., and sent in +a letter-bag for mailing. That night there came on a terrible gale and +the Grampus disappeared forever--no vestige of her ever having been +seen. She was commanded by Lt.-Commander Albert E. Downes, a good man +and a fine seaman, and who as a midshipman had sailed with me three +years before in the Pacific. My brother was educated for the law, and +studied his profession with the Hon. John Holmes, and, after completing +his studies, became Mr. Holmes' law-partner. But he being my only +brother, I was very desirous that he should obtain a commission as a +purser in the navy, in order that we might be associated on duty; and, +at Mr. H.'s request, he was appointed by General Harrison soon after his +inauguration. My brother then joined me in Portland. It is a consolation +to know that he lived and died in the exercise of those Christian +sentiments which were deeply instilled into his mind by the society of +your angelic wife, who has preceded you to our home of rest. God grant +that we may all meet there! + + * * * * * + +B. + +S. S. PRENTISS. + + +One of the best informed writers on the history of the Revolutionary +times and of the war for the Union thus introduces a notice of Mr. +Prentiss: + +Small in stature; limping in gait; broad-chested; a high intellectual +forehead; manly beauty in every feature; a voice of remarkable sweetness +and flexibility; a mild but deeply penetrating eye; a most retentive +memory; endowed with varied knowledge by extensive reading; unrivaled +in power of oratory; frank in thought, speech, and manner; patient and +forbearing in temper; powerfully governed by the affections, and with +unbounded generosity of disposition, Seargent Smith Prentiss was one of +the most remarkable characters in our history. Living persons who were +adults a generation ago will remember how the newspapers between 1835 +and 1850 were filled with his praises as a citizen unapproachable in +oratory, whether he spoke as an advocate at the bar, a debater in the +halls of legislation, or at occasional public gatherings. [1] + +S. S. Prentiss was born at Portland, Maine, September 30, 1808. While +yet an infant, he was reduced by a violent fever to the verge of the +grave and deprived for several years of the use of his limbs, the right +leg remaining lame and feeble to the last. For his partial recovery he +was indebted to the unwearied care and devotion of his mother, herself +in delicate health. + +During the war of 1812 his father removed to Gorham. At the academy +in this town, then one of the best in Maine, Seargent was fitted for +Bowdoin College, where he was graduated in the class of 1826, at the +age of seventeen. After studying law for a year with Judge Pierce, of +Gorham, he set out for what was at that day the Far West, in quest of +fortune. Having tarried a few months at Cincinnati, he then made his +way down the Mississippi to Natchez, where he obtained the situation +of tutor in a private family. Here he completed his legal studies; +was admitted to the bar in June, 1829, soon afterwards became the +law-partner of Gen. Felix Huston, and almost at a bound stood in the +front rank of his profession in the State. "Boundless good-nature," to +use the language of Dr. Lossing; "keen logic; quickness and aptness +at repartee; overflowing but kindly wit; an absolute earnestness and +sincerity in all he undertook to do, made him a universal favorite +in every circle." In 1832 Mr. Prentiss removed to Vicksburg. John M. +Chilton, a leading member of the bar of that place, thus describes his +first appearance in the Circuit Court of Warren county: + +There arrived, with other members of the bar, from Natchez, a limping +youth in plain garb, but in whose bearing there was a manly, indeed +almost a haughty, mien; in whose cheek a rich glow, telling the +influence of more northern climes; in whose eye a keen but meditative +expression; and in whose voice and conversation a vivacity and +originality that attracted every one, and drew around him, wherever he +appeared, a knot of listeners, whose curiosity invariably yielded in a +few moments to admiration and delight. There was then a buzz of inquiry, +succeeded by a pleased look of friendly recognition, and a closer +approach, and in most instances an introduction, to the object of this +general attraction, so soon as it was told that the stranger was S. S. +Prentiss, of Natchez. His fame had preceded him, and men were surprised +to see only beardless youth in one whose speeches, and learning, and +wit, and fine social qualities, had already rendered him at Natchez "the +observed of all observers." + +Society in the Southwest at that day was full of perils to young men, +especially to young men of talent and generous, impressionable natures. +Drinking, duelling, and gambling widely prevailed. It was a period of +"flush times," and wild, reckless habits. Mr. Prentiss did not wholly +escape the contagion; but his faults and errors were very much +exaggerated in many of the stories that found currency concerning him. +One of his friends wrote after his death: "I have heard many anecdotes +of him, which I considered of doubtful authority; for he is a +traditional character all over Mississippi--their Cid, their Wallace, +their Coeur de Lion, and all the old stories are wrought over again, +and annexed to his name." Another of his friends, who knew him long and +intimately, the late Balie Peyton, of Tennessee, testified: "No man ever +left a purer fame than Seargent S. Prentiss, in all that constitutes +high honor and spotless integrity of character. His principles remained +as pure, and his heart continued as warm and fresh, as at the instant he +bade farewell to his mother." + +From his settlement at Vicksburg his career as a lawyer was one of +remarkable success; and it were hard to say in what department of his +profession he most excelled, whether in the varied contests of the +_Nisi Prius_ courts, in an argument on a difficult question of legal +construction, or in discussing a fundamental principle of jurisprudence. +In 1833, at the age of 24, he appeared before the Supreme Court at +Washington, where, in spite of his youth, he at once attracted the +notice of Chief Justice Marshall. "I made a speech three or four hours +long (he wrote to his mother); and I suppose you will say I have +acquired a great deal of brass since I left home, when I tell you that I +was not at all abashed or alarmed in addressing so grave a set of men as +their Honors the Judges of the Supreme Court of the United States." In +attending the circuit courts of Mississippi he had experiences of the +roughest sort and many a hairbreadth escape. He wrote: + +I travel entirely on horseback; and have had to swim, on my horse, over +creeks and bayous that would astonish you Northerners. Beyond Pearl +river I had to ride, and repeatedly to swim, through a swamp four miles +in extent, in which the water was all the time up to the horse's belly. +What do you think of that for a lawyer's life? + +In the winter of 1836-7 he won the great "Commons" suit, which involved +a considerable portion of the town of Vicksburg. This made him, as was +supposed, one of the richest men in the State. + +About this time he was induced to run for the legislature of +Mississippi. He was elected, and at once took a foremost position as +leader of his party. + +The next summer he visited his home, and by a speech at a Whig political +meeting in Portland, on the Fourth of July, he so electrified his +hearers by his eloquence that he was pronounced, in the East, the most +finished orator of his time; as he really was. He became a candidate for +a seat in Congress, and made the most remarkable electioneering canvass +ever recorded. Traveling on horseback, he visited forty-five counties in +a sparsely-settled country. For ten weeks he traveled thirty miles each +week-day, and spoke each day two hours. He had announced his engagements +beforehand, and never missed one. Mississippi was a strong "Jackson +State," but Mr. Prentiss carried it for the Whigs. His seat was +contested by his Democratic opponent, and his speech in the House of +Representatives at Washington in favor of his claim gained for him a +national reputation as the greatest orator of the age. It occupied three +days in its delivery. He had not spoken long before intelligence of his +wonderful oratory reached the Senate chamber and drew its members to the +other House. Rumors of his speech ran through the city, and before it +was concluded the anxiety to hear him became intense. The galleries of +the House became densely packed, chiefly with ladies, and the lobbies +were crowded with foreign ministers, heads of departments, judges, +officers of the army and navy, and distinguished citizens. Among the +charmed auditors were the best American statesmen of the time who then +occupied seats in both branches of Congress--John Quincy Adams leading +those of the Representatives, and Daniel Webster and Henry Clay of +the Senate. The entire self-possession of Mr. Prentiss, then only +twenty-nine years of age, never forsook him in such an august presence. +There was no straining for effect, no trick of oratory; but, from the +first to the last sentence, everything in manner, as in matter, seemed +perfectly natural, as if he were addressing a jury on an ordinary +question of law. This feature of his speech--this evidence of sincerity +in every word--with the almost boyish beauty of his face, bound his +distinguished audience as with a magic spell. When, at the conclusion of +the speech, Mr. Webster left the hall, he remarked to a friend, with his +comprehensive brevity, "Nobody can equal that!" [2] + +Mr. Prentiss was rejected by the casting vote of the Speaker, Mr. +Polk, and the election sent back to the people; when, after another +extraordinary canvass, he was triumphantly returned. After the +adjournment of Congress he visited his mother in Portland. About this +time a great reception was given to Mr. Webster, as defender of the +Constitution, in Faneuil Hall, and Mr. Prentiss was invited to be +present and address the assemblage. His speech on the occasion is still +fresh in the memory of all who heard it. He was called upon late in the +evening, and after a succession of very able speakers; but hardly had +the vast audience heard the tap of his cane, as he stepped forward, and +caught the first sound of his marvellous voice, when he held them, as it +were, spell-bound. Before he had uttered a word, indeed, he had taken +possession of his audience by his very look--for, when aroused by a +great occasion, his countenance flashed like a diamond. Gov. Everett, +who presided at the banquet, himself an orator of classic power, thus +referred to Mr. Prentiss' address, in a letter written more than a dozen +years later: + +It seemed to me the most wonderful specimen of sententious fluency I had +ever witnessed. The words poured from his lips in a torrent, but the +sentences were correctly formed, the matter grave and important, the +train of thought distinctly pursued, the illustrations wonderfully +happy, drawn from a wide range of reading, and aided by a brilliant +imagination. That it was a carefully prepared speech, no one could +believe for a moment. It was the overflow of a full mind, swelling in +the joyous excitement of the friendly reception, kindling with the +glowing themes suggested by the occasion, and not unmoved by the genius +of the place. Sitting by Mr. Webster, I asked him if he had ever +heard anything like it? He answered, "Never, except from Mr. Prentiss +himself." + +Political life was exceedingly distasteful to Mr. Prentiss and he +soon abandoned it and returned with fresh zeal to the practice of his +profession. The applauses of the world seemed never for an instant to +deceive him. He wrote after a great speech at Nashville, addressed, it +was estimated, to 40,000 people: "They heap compliments upon me till I +am almost crushed beneath them." And yet in the midst of such popular +ovations he wrote to his sister: + +I laugh at those who look upon the uncertain, slight, and changeable +regards of the multitude, as worthy even of comparison with the true +affection of one warm heart. I have ever yearned for affection; I +believe it is the only thing of which I am avaricious. I never had any +personal ambition, and do not recollect the time when I would not +have exchanged the applause of thousands for the love of one of my +fellow-beings. + +In 1842 his yearning for affection was satisfied by his marriage to Miss +Mary Jane Williams, of Natchez; and henceforth his life was full of the +sweetest domestic peace and joy. From the moment of first leaving home +he had carried on a constant correspondence with his mother, sisters, +and brothers, in the North; and he kept it up while he lived. He took a +special interest in the education of his youngest brother, and at one +time had planned to join him in Germany for purposes of study and +travel. All the later years of his life were years of unwearied toil and +struggle. + +In 1845 a case involving the validity of his title to the "Commons" +property, was decided against him in the Supreme Court of the United +States; thus wresting from him at a blow that property and the costly +buildings which he had erected upon it. In consequence of this +misfortune and of his abhorrence of repudiation, which, in spite of his +determined opposition, had, unhappily, been foisted upon his adopted +State, he removed to New Orleans in 1846. Here, notwithstanding that he +had to master a new system of law, he at once took his natural position +as a leader of the bar; and but for failing health, would no doubt have +in the end repaired his shattered fortunes and made himself a still +more brilliant name among the remarkable men of the country. He died at +Natchez, July 1, 1850, in the forty-second year of his age, universally +beloved and lamented. He left a wife and four young children, three of +whom still survive. + +Mr. Prentiss was a natural orator. Even as a boy he attracted +everybody's attention by the readiness and charm of his speech. But all +this would have contributed little toward giving him his marvellous +power over the popular mind and heart, had he not added to the rare +gifts of nature the most diligent culture, a deep study of life and +character, and a wonderful knowledge of books. The whole treasury of +general literature--more especially of English poetry and fiction--was +at his command; Shakespeare, Milton, and Byron he almost knew by heart; +with the Bible, Pilgrim's Progress, and Sir Walter Scott, he seemed +to be equally familiar; and from all these sources he drew endless +illustrations in aid of his argument, whether it was addressed to a +jury, to a judge, to the people, or to the legislative assembly. When, +for example, he undertook to show the wrongfulness of Mississippi +repudiation, he would refer to Wordsworth as "a poet and philosopher, +whose good opinion was capable of adding weight even to the character of +a nation," and then expatiate, with the enthusiasm of a scholar, upon +the noble office of such men in human society. He had corresponded with +Mr. Wordsworth and knew that members of his family had suffered heavily +from the dishonesty of the State; and perhaps no passages in his great +speeches against repudiation were more effective than those in which he +thus brought his fine literary taste and feeling to the support of the +claims of public honesty. This feature of his oratory, together with the +large ethical element which entered into it, was, no doubt, a principal +source of its extraordinary power. It would be hard to say in what +department of oratory he most excelled. On this point the following is +the testimony of Henry Clay, himself a great orator as well as a great +statesman, and one of Mr. P.'s most devoted and admiring friends: + +Mr. Prentiss was distinguished, as a public speaker, by a rich, chaste, +and boundless imagination, the exhaustless resources of which, in +beautiful language and happy illustrations, he brought to the aid of a +logical power, which he wielded to a very great extent. Always ready and +prompt, his conceptions seemed to me almost intuitive. His voice was +fine, softened, and, I think, improved, by a slight lisp, which an +attentive observer could discern. The great theatres of eloquence and +public speaking in the United States are the legislative hall, the +forum, and the stump, without adverting to the pulpit. I have known some +of my contemporaries eminently successful on one of these theatres, +without being able to exhibit any remarkable ability on the others. Mr. +Prentiss was brilliant and successful on them all. + +Of the attractions of his personal and social character the testimonies +are very striking. Judge Bullard, in a eulogy pronounced before the bar +of New Orleans, thus refers to his own experience: + +What can I say of the noble qualities of his heart? Who can describe +the charms of his conversation? Old as I am, his society was one of my +greatest pleasures--I became a boy again. His conversation resembled +the ever-varying clouds that cluster round the setting sun of a summer +evening--their edges fringed with gold, and the noiseless and harmless +flashes of lightning spreading, from time to time, over their dark +bosom. + +In a similar strain Gov. J. J. Crittenden, of Kentucky, wrote of him +shortly after his death: + +It was impossible to know him without feeling for him admiration and +love. His genius, so rich and rare; his heart, so warm, generous, and +magnanimous; and his manners, so graceful and genial, could not fail to +impress these sentiments upon all who approached him. Eloquence was a +part of his nature, and over his private conversations as well as his +public speeches it scattered its sparkling jewels with more than royal +profusion. + + * * * * * + +C. + + +Here are the first stanzas of some of her favorite German hymns, +referred to in this letter: + + Jesus, Jesus, nichts als Jesus + Soll mein Wunsch sein und mein Ziel; + Jetzund mach ich ein Verbuendniss, + Dass ich will, was Jesus will; + Denn mein Herz, mit ihm erfuellt, + Rufet nur; Herr, wie du willt. + _Written by Elizabeth, Countess of Schwartzburg_, 1640-1672. + + Gott ist gegenwaertig! Lasset uns anbeten, + Und in Erfurcht vor ihn treten; + Gott ist in der mitten! Alles in uns schweige + Und sich innig vor ihm beuge; + Wer ihn kennt, wer ihn nennt, + Schlagt die Augen nieder, + Kommt, ergebt euch wieder. + _By Gerhard Tersteegen_, 1697-1769. + + Zum Ernst, zum Ernst ruft Jesu Geist inwendig; + Zum Ernst ruft auch die Stimme seiner Braut; + Getreu und ganz, und bis zum Tod bestaendig. + Ein reines Herz allein den reinen schaut. + _By the Same_. + + Wir singen dir, Immanuel, + Du Lebensfuerst und Gnadenquell, + Du Himmelsblum und Morgenstern, + Du Jungfrausohn, Herr aller Herrn. + _Paul Gerhard_, 1606-1676. + + Such, wer da will, ein ander Ziel + Die Seligkeit zu finden, + Mein Herz allein bedacht soll sein + Auf Christum sich zu gruenden: + Sein Wort ist wahr, sein Werk ist klar, + Sein heilger Mund hat Kraft und Grund, + All Feind zue ueberwinden. + _George Weissel_, 1590-1635. + + Gott, mein einziges Vertrauen, + Gott, du meine Zuversicht, + Deine Augen zu mir schauen, + Deine Huelf versage mir nicht; + Lass mich nicht vergeblich schreien, + Sondern hoer und lass gedeihen; + So will ich, Gott, halten still, + Gott, dein Will ist auch mein Will. + _Elizabeth Eleonore, Duchess of Sax-Meiningen_, 1658-1729. + + O Durchbrecher aller Bande, + Der du immer bei uns bist, + Bei dem Shaden, Spott und Schande + Lauter Lust und Himmel ist, + Uebe femer dein Gerichte + Wider unsern Adamssinn, + Bis dein treues Angesichte + Uns fuehrt aus dem Kerken hin. + _Gotter. Arnold_, 1666-1714. + + * * * * * + + _Lavater's Hymn._ + HE MUST INCREASE, BUT I MUST DECREASE. + --John iii. 30. + + O Jesus Christus, ivachs in mir, + Und alles andre schwinde! + Mein Herz sei taeglich naeher dir, + Und ferner von der Suende. + + Lass taeglich deine Huld und Macht + Um meine Schwachheit schweben! + Dein Licht verschlinge meine Nacht, + Und meinen Tod dein Leben! + + Beim Sonnenstrahle deines Lichts + Lass jeden Wahn verschwinden! + Dein Alles, Christus, und mein nichts, + Lass taeglich mich empfinden. + + Sei nahe mir, werf ich mich hin, + Wein ich vor dir in stillen; + Dein reiner gottgelassner Sinn + Beherrsche meinen Willen. + + Blick immer herrlicher aus mir + Voll Weisheit Huld und Freude, + Ich sei ein lebend Bild von dir + Im Gluck, und wenn ich leide. + + Mach alles in mir froh und gut, + Dass stets ich minder fehle; + Herr, deiner Menschen-Liebe Glut + Durchgluehe meine Seele. + + Es weiche Stolz, und Traegheit weich; + Und jeder Leichtsinn fliehe, + Wenn, Herr, nach dir und deinem Reich + Ich redlich mich bemuehe. + + Mein eignes, eitles, leeres Ich + Sei jeden Tag geringer. + O rd ich jeden Tag durch dich + Dein wuerdigerer Junger. + + Von dir erfuellter jeden Tag + Und jeden von mir leerer! + O du, der uber Flehn vermag, + Sei meines Flehns erhoerer! + + Der Glaub an dich und deine Kraft + Sei Trieb von jedem Triebe! + Sei du nur meine Leidenschaft, + Du meine Freud und Liebe! + + * * * * * + +D. + + +A few extracts from the little diaries referred to are here given: + +_May 15, 1857._--Box came from Mrs. Bumstead--my dear, kind friend-- +containing _everything_; salmon, tomatoes, oranges, peaches, prunes, +cocoa and ham, tea and sugar from her father.[3] How pleasant the +kindness of friends! _21st._--Worked at planting aster seeds and putting +in verbena cuttings--all in my room, of course. _23d._--First hepaticas +in garden. Sweet peas coming up. Brownie hatched--_one_ chicken. _June +1st._--Books from dear Lizzy. "Sickness," may it do me good. [4] +_28th._--Sent flowers to the B.'s, flowers and strawberries to Mrs. N., +green peas to E. M., and trout to Mother Hopkins. _July 2d._--Continue +to send strawberries--yesterday to the B.'s--to-day to A. B. and Miss +G., with rosebuds. + +_Oct. 11th._--A beautiful autumn day. Could not leave my bed till near +noon. Then Albert drove me down the lane and carried me into the woods +in his arms. Eddy has collected $30 for Kansas. [5] _25th._--My whole +time, night and day, is spent in setting traps for sleep. To-day +the money was sent for Kansas--$55, of which $9 was from us. _Nov. +4th._--Election day. Great excitement. _5th._--Wretched news; it is +feared that Buchanan is elected. _Nov. 17th._--The anniversary of my +dear mother's death. My own can not be far distant. _I earnestly entreat +that none of my friends will wear mourning for me_. + +_January 1, 1858._--Outwardly all looks dark--health at the +lowest--brain irritated and suffering inexpressibly--but _underneath +all_, thank God, some patience, some resignation, some quiet trust. If +it were not for wearing out my friends! But this care, too, I must learn +to cast on Him. + +_5th._--Albert is reading Miss Bronte's Life to me, and oh, how many +chords vibrate deep in my soul as I hear of her _shyness_; her dread +of coming in contact with others; her morbid sensitiveness and intense +suffering from lowness of spirits; her thirst for knowledge, her +consciousness of personal defects, etc., etc., etc. + +_9th._--Storms to-day "like mad." Present from Julia Willis. Each day +seems a week long, but let me be thankful that I have a chair to sit in, +limbs free from palsy, books of all sorts to be read, and kind friends +to read. Oh, yes; let me be _thankful_. A. brought "School-days at +Rugby." _22d._--Eddy began to wear his coat! A. read to me Tom Brown's +"School-days." _23d._--LOVE is the word that fills my horizon to-day. +God is Love; I must be like Him. _Feb. 3d._--How lovely seem the +words DUTY and KIGHT! How I long to be spotless--all pure within and +without!... Albert read from Adolph Monod. What a precious book! +_23d._--To-morrow I shall be forty-six years old. If I said one hundred +I should believe it as well. _24th._--My birthday.... I feel disposed to +take as my motto for this year, "I will hope continually, and will yet +praise Thee _more and more_" Eddy began Virgil to-day. _27th._--Woke +with a strong impression that I am Christ's, His servant, and as such +have nothing to do for myself--no separate interest. Oh, to feel this +and _act_ upon it always. And not _only_ a servant, but a _child_; and +therefore entitled to feel an interest in the affairs of the _Family_. +Albert read from the Silent Comforter the piece called "Wearisome +Nights," which is an exact expression of my state and feelings. Long +to do some good, at least by praying for people. A note from Mrs. +C. Stoddard to my husband and myself, which was truly refreshing. +_26th._--This morning God assisted me out of great weakness to converse +and pray with my beloved child. He also prayed. I can not but entertain +a trembling hope that he is indeed a Christian. So great a mercy would +fill me with transport. + +_April 6th._--"I love the Lord because He hath heard my voice and my +supplication" (Ps. cxvi. I). Albert read this psalm to me nearly fifteen +years ago, the morning of the day succeeding that on which God had +delivered me out of great danger and excruciating sufferings and had +given us a _living child_. Our hearts swelled with thankfulness then; +now we have received our child a second time--anew _gift_. _June +8th._--A.'s holiday. First strawberry! and first rose! (cinnamon). + +_July 3d._--Oh, my dear, dear sister Lizzy! Shall I never see you again +in this world? I fancied I was familiar with the thought and reconciled +to it, but now it agonizes me. [6] + +_Dec. 26th._--I do long to submit to--no, to accept joyfully--the will +of God in everything; to see only Love in every trial. But to be made a +whip in His hand with which to scourge others--I, who so passionately +desire to give pleasure, to give only pain--I, who so hate to cause +suffering, to inflict nothing else on my best friends--oh, this is +_hard_!... I write by feeling with eyes closed. It is midnight; and, as +usual, I am and have been sleepless. I am full of tossings to and fro +until the dawn. All temporal blessings seem to be expressed by one +word--_Sleep_.... Disease is advancing with rapid strides; many symptoms +of paralysis; that or insanity certain, unless God in mercy to myself +and my friends takes me home first. + + _31st._--"Here then to Thee Thine own I leave-- + Mould as Thou wilt Thy passive clay; + But let me all Thy stamp receive, + But let me all Thy words obey. + Serve with a single heart and eye, + And to Thy glory live or die." + +_Jan. 26, 1859._--Cars ran through from Adams to Troy _first time_. +Eddy studying Greek, Latin, etc., at school; Geology at home. _Feb. +3d._--Much of the day in intense bodily anguish, but have had lately +more of Christ in my heart. Albert is reading me a precious sermon by +Huntingdon on "a life hid with Christ in God." Oh, to learn more of +Christ and His love! _5th._--O God, who art _rich_ in mercy, if Thou +art looking for some creature on whom to bestow it, behold the poorest, +neediest, emptiest of all Thou hast made, and _satisfy_ me with Thy +mercy. _Sunday, 6th._--How thankful I am for the many good books I have! +and oh, how I stand _amazed_ at the faith and patience of God's dear +children (Mrs. Coutts, _e.g._), to _read_ of whose sufferings makes +my heart bleed and almost murmur on their account. _March 17th._--"So +foolish was I and ignorant, I was as a _beast_ before Thee." Oh, howr it +comforts me that there is such a verse in the Bible as this! It comes +_near_ describing my folly, stupidity, ignorance, and blindness.... +Quite overcome to-day by a most unexpected favor from my dear friends +the Jameses, [7] who I thought had forgotten me. _April 12th._--My love +to my dear, dear sister. I shall never see her, never write to her, but +we will spend eternity together. + +_Dec 1st._--Albert opened the _piano_, and, for the first time in _six +years_, I touched it. Beautiful flower-pictures from Lizzy. [8] + +_Sunday, Jan._ 1, 1860.--"Out of weakness were made strong." This is +the verse which has been given me as a motto for the year. May it be +fulfilled in my experience! But should it not be so to my apprehension, +may I be able to say, "Most gladly, therefore, will I glory in my +infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." + +_March 26th._--For several days I have been led to pray that the +indwelling Spirit may indite my petitions. To-day He leads me to pray +for the annihilation of self. My whole soul cries out for this--to +forget my own sorrows, wants, sins even, and lose myself in Christ.... O +precious Saviour, let me see Thee; let me behold Thy beauty; let me hear +Thy voice; let me wash Thy feet with tears; let me gaze on Thee forever. + +_March 31st._--A remarkable day. 1st. Weather like Indian summer. 2d. +After a very poor night, expecting to spend the day in bed, I was so +strengthened as to ride up to the mountain with Albert and to enjoy +seeing the mosses. In the P.M. rode again with Eddy. + +_June 30th._--For years I have been constantly fearing insanity or +palsy. Now I hear of Mrs. ---- struck with paralysis and my dear friend +---- with mental alienation, while I am spared. + +_June 27th._--Let a person take a delicately-strung musical instrument +and strike blows on it with a hammer till nearly every string is broken +and the whole instrument trembles and shrieks under the infliction--that +is what has been done to me. Words are entirely inadequate to paint what +I suffer. + +_June 30th._--Another great mercy. A letter from N. P. W. [9] Under date +of June 4th, I wrote, "May God bless," etc., and God has blessed him. +Oh, praise, praise to Him who hears even before we ask. + +_April 26, 1861._--"Hangs my helpless soul on Thee." Oh, how many +thousand times do I repeat this line during the sleepless hours of my +wretched nights! + +As the year advanced, the entries became fewer and fewer; some of +them, by reason of extreme weakness and suffering, having been left +unfinished. But no weakness or suffering could wholly repress her love +of Nature. Imprisoned within the same pages that record her nights +and days of anguish are exquisite bits of fern, delicate mosses, +rose-leaves, and other flowers pressed and placed there by her own hand. +But far more touching than these mementoes of her love of Nature are the +passages in this diary of her last year on earth, that express her love +to Christ and testify to His presence and supporting grace in what she +describes as "the fathomless abyss of misery" in which she was plunged. +They remind one of the tints of unearthly light and beauty that adorn +sometimes the face of a thundercloud. They are such as the following: + +_June 11, 1861._--Blessed be God for comfort. I see my sins all +gone--all set down to Christ's account; and not only so, but--oh, +wonder!--all His merits transferred to me. Well may it be said, "Let us +come boldly to the throne of grace." Why not be bold with such--just +like presenting an order at a bank. + +_Nov. 6th._--Come, O come, dear Lord Jesus! Come to this town, this +church, this family, and oh, come to this poor longing famished heart. + +_Sunday, Nov. 10th._--A better night and some peace of mind. But O my +Saviour, support me; let not the fiery billows swallow me up! And O +let me not fail to be thankful for the mercies mingled in my cup of +suffering--a pleasant room adorned with gifts of love from absent +friends, and just now with beautiful mosses brought from the woods by my +dear husband. + +The next entry contains directions respecting parting gifts to be sent +to her sister and other absent friends after her death. Then comes the +last entry, which is as follows: + +"I need not be afraid to ask to be--first, 'holy and without blame +before Him in love'; second, 'filled with all the fullness of God'; +third--." + +Here her pen dropped from her hand, and a little later her wearisome +pilgrimage was over, and she entered into the saint's everlasting rest. + + * * * * * + +Further extracts from her literary journal: + +_Tuesday, Jan. 11, 1836._--Last meeting of the class. Mr. Dana made some +remarks intended as a sort of leave-taking. He spoke of the importance +of having some fixed _principles_ of criticism. These principles should +be obtained from within--from the study of our own minds. If we try many +criticisms by this standard, we shall turn away from them dissatisfied. +Addison's criticisms on Milton are often miserable, and, where he is +right, it seems to be by a sort of accident. He constantly appeals to +the French critics as authorities. Another advantage will result from +establishing principles of judging--we shall acquire self-knowledge. +We can not ask ourselves, Is this true? does it accord with my own +consciousness? etc., without gaining an acquaintance with ourselves. And +then, in general, the more the taste is cultivated and refined, the more +we shall find to like. Critics by rule, who have one narrow standard +by which they try everything, may find much to condemn and little to +approve: but it is not so in nature, nor with those who judge after +nature. The great duty is to learn to be happy in ourselves.... I +am surprised (said Mr. Dana) to find how much my present tastes and +judgments are those of my childhood. In some respects, to be sure, I +have altered; but, in general, the authors I loved and sympathised with +then, I love and sympathise with now. When I was connected with the +North-American, I wrote a review of Hazlitt's British Poets, in which I +expressed my opinion of Pope and of Wordsworth. The sensation it excited +is inconceivable. One man said I was mad and ought to be put in a +strait-jacket. However, I did not mind it much, so long as they did not +put me in one--that, to be sure, I should not have liked very well. +Public opinion has changed since then. Many of the old _prose_ writers +are very fine. Jeremy Taylor, though I admire him exceedingly, has been, +I think, rather indiscriminately praised.... To come to the poets again, +Young should be read and thought upon. He is often antithetical, but is +a profound thinker. I was quite ashamed the other day on taking up his +works to find how many of my thoughts he had expressed better than I +could express them. I am convinced there is nothing new under the sun. +Collins has written but little, but he is a most graceful and beautiful +creature. For faithfulness of portraiture and bringing out every-day +characters, Crabbe is unrivalled in modern days. And Wordsworth--he and +Coleridge have been obliged to make minds to understand them. Who +equals Wordsworth in purity, in majesty, in tranquil contemplation, in +childlikeness? Coleridge is exerting a great influence in this country, +especially over the minds of some of the young men. + +_Friday._--To-day by invitation I attended the first meeting of the new +class and heard the introductory lecture. Mr. D. began by speaking of +the object of the formation of the class. I shall adopt the first person +in writing what he said, though I do not pretend to give his words. I +have not invited you here to amuse an idle hour, or to afford you a +topic of conversation when you meet. One great design has been to +cherish in you a love of home and of solitude. Yet this is not all, for +of what advantage is it to be at home, unless home is a place for the +unfolding of warm affections? and of what use is solitude, unless it be +improved by patient thought, self-study and a communion with those great +minds who became great by thinking. But it is not merely thinking as an +operation of the intellect that is necessary; it must be affectionate +thinking; there must be heartfelt love, and this can be attained only by +a _habit_ of loving.... I would not impart sternness to the beautiful +countenance of English literature. Beautiful indeed it is, but not like +the beauty of the human face, that may be discovered by all who have +eyes to look upon it; the heart as well as the head must engage, or +as Coleridge says, _the heart in the head_. Let us not approach with +carelessness or light-mindedness. Poetry requires a peculiar state of +mind, a peculiar combination of mental and moral qualifications to be +feelingly apprehended. But there--I will not write a word more. It is +a shame to spoil anything so beautiful. Poor Mr. Dana! I hope he will +never know to what he has been subjected. + +_Wednesday._--Everybody has set out to invite me to visit them. I made +two visits last evening, one to Mrs. Robinson, where I had a fine +opportunity to settle some of my Hebrew difficulties with Prof. R., and +saw De Wette's translations of Job. This evening I am to make two more, +and to-morrow I spend the day out and receive company in the evening. So +much for dissipation, and for study. + +PORTLAND, March 1, 1836. + +I believe there is scarcely any branch of knowledge in which I am so +deficient as history, both ecclesiastical and profane. I have never been +much interested _facts_, considered simply as facts, and that is about +all that is to be found in most historical works. The relations of facts +to each other and of all to reason, in other words, the philosophy of +history, are not often to be found in books, and I have not hitherto +been able to supply the want from my own mind. _April 16, 1836._--If my +bump of combativeness does not grow it won't be for want of exercise. +I have had another dispute of two hours' length to-day with another +person. Subjects, Cousin--Locke--innate ideas--idea of space--of +spirit-life, materialism--phrenology--Upham--wine--alcohol--etc. + +_June._--My patience has been sorely tried this afternoon. I was +visiting and Coleridge was dragged in, as it seemed for the express +purpose of provoking me by abusing him--just as anybody might show off a +lunatic.... But I did not and never will dispute on such subjects with +those who seek not to know the truth. + +_Feb. 6, 1837._--Why is it that our desires so infinitely transcend our +capacities? We grasp at everything--do so by the very constitution of +our natures; and seize--less than nothing. We can not rest without +perfection in _everything_, yet the labor of a life devoted to _one +thing_, only shows us how unattainable it is. I am oppressed with +gloom--oh, for light, light, light! _Feb. 20th._--Alas! my feelings of +discouragement and despondency, instead of diminishing, strengthen every +day. I have been ill for the last fortnight; and possibly physical +causes have contributed to shroud my mind in this thick darkness. Yet I +can not believe that conviction so clear, conclusions so irresistible as +those which weigh me down, are entirely the result of morbid physical +action. In order to prove that they are not, and to have the means of +judging hereafter of the rationalness of my present judgments, I will +record the grounds of my despondency. As nearly as I can recollect, the +thought which oftenest pressed itself upon me, when these feelings of +gloom began, was that I was living to no purpose. I was conscious, +not only of a conviction that I _ought_ to live to do good, but of +an _intense desire_ to do good--to _know_ that I was living to some +purpose; and I felt perfectly certain that this knowledge was essential +to my happiness. I began to wonder that I had been contented to seek +knowledge all my life for my own pleasure, or with an indefinite idea +that it might contribute in some way to my usefulness,--without any +distinct plan.... I then began to inquire what results I had of "all my +labor which I have taken under the sun" and these are my conclusions: + +1. I have not that mental discipline, or that command of my own powers, +which is one of the most valuable results of properly directed study. I +can not grasp a subject at once, and view it in all its bearings. + +2. I have not that self-knowledge which is another sure result of proper +study. I do not know what I am capable of, nor what I am particularly +fitted for, nor what I am most deficient in. I am forever pouring into +my own mind, and yet never find out what is there. + +3d. I have no principle of arrangement or assimilation which might unite +all my scattered knowledge. Oh, how different if I had had one definite +object which, like the lens, should concentrate all the scattered rays +to one focus. I met with this remark of Sir Egerton Bridges to-day; it +applies to me exactly: "I have never met with one who seemed to have the +same overruling passion for literature as I have always had. A thousand +others have pursued it with more principle, reason, method, fixed +purpose, and effect; mine I admit to have been pure, blind, unregulated +love." + +4th. I have lost the power of thinking for myself. My memory, which was +originally good, has been so washed away by the floods of trash which +have been poured into it, that now it scarcely serves me at all. + +A pleasant picture this of a mind, which ought to be in the full +maturity of its powers. And much reason have I to hope that with such an +instrument I shall leave an impress on other minds!... How I envy the +other sex! They have certain fixed paths marked out for them--regular +professions and trades--between which they may make a choice and know +what they have to do. A friend, to whom I had spoken of some of these +feelings, tried last night to convince me that they are the result of +physical derangement, and not at all the expression of a sane mind in a +sound body. I laughed at him, but have every now and then a suspicion +that he was right. + +_Feb. 25th._--Last evening we had the company of some friends who are +interested in the subjects which I love most to talk about. We had a +good deal of conversation about books, authors, the laws of mind and +spirit, etc. My enthusiasm on these subjects revived; I felt a genial +glow resulting from the action of mind upon mind, and the delight of +finding sympathy in my most cherished tastes and pursuits. Whether it is +owing to this or not, I can not say; but I must confess to a new change +of mood, and, consequently, of opinion. I mean that my studies have not +only regained their former attractions in my eyes, but that it seems +unquestionably right and proper to pursue them (when they interfere with +no positive duty) as a means of expanding and strengthening the mind-- +even when I can not point out the precise _use_ I expect to make of such +acquisition.... + +One of my friends tried to convince me last night that I was not +deficient in invention, because I assigned the fact that I am so, as a +reason for attempting translation rather than original writing. Several +others have labored to convince me of the same thing. Strange that they +can be so mistaken! I know that I have no fancy, from having tried to +exert it; and, as this is the lower power and implied in imagination, of +course I have none of the latter faculty. The only two things which look +like it are my enthusiasm and my relish for works of a high imaginative +order. + +_Feb. 28th._--... Oh, how transporting--how infinite will be the delight +when _all_ truth shall burst upon us as ONE beautiful and perfect +whole--each distinct ray harmonising and blending with every other, and +all together forming one mighty flood of radiance!... I can not remember +all the thoughts which have given so much pleasure this evening; I only +know that I have been very happy, and wondered not a little at my late +melancholy. I believe it must have been partly caused by looking at +myself (and that, too, as if I were a little, miserable, isolated +wretch), instead of contemplating those things which have no relation +to space and time and matter--the eternal and the infinite--or, if +I thought of myself at all, feeling that I am part of a great and +wonderful whole. It seems as if a new inner sense had been opened, +revealing to me a world of beauty and perfection that I have never +before seen. I am filled with a strange, yet sweet astonishment. + +_Sept. 24, 1837._--I have been profoundly interested in the character of +Goethe, from reading Mrs. Austin's "Characteristics" of him. Certainly, +very few men have ever lived of equally wonderful powers. A thing +most remarkable in him is what the Germans call Vielseitigkeit, +many-sidedness. There was no department of science or art of which he +was wholly ignorant, while in very many of both classes his knowledge +was accurate and profound. Most men who have attained to distinguished +excellence, have done so by confining themselves to a single +department--frequently being led to the choice by a strong, original +bias. Even when this is not the case, there is some _class_ of objects +or pursuits, towards which a particular inclination is manifested; +one loves facts, and devotes himself to observations and experiments; +another loves principles and seeks everywhere to discover a _law_. One +cherishes the Ideal, and neglects and despises the Real, while +another reverses his judgment. We have become so accustomed to this +one-sidedness that it occasions no wonder, and is regarded as the +natural state of the mind. Thus we are struck with astonishment on +finding a mind like Goethe's equally at home in the Ideal and the Real; +equally interested in the laws of poetical criticism, and the theory of +colors, equally attentive to a drawing of a new species of plants, and +to the plan of a railroad or canal. In short, with the most delicate +sense of the Beautiful, the most accurate conception of the mode of its +representation, and the most intense longing for it (which alone +would have sufficed to make him an Idealist) he united a fondness for +observation, a love of the actual in nature, and a susceptibility to +deep impressions from and interest in the objects of sense, which would +have seemed to mark him out for a Realist. But is not this the +true stale of the mind, instead of being; one which should excite +astonishment? Is it not one-sidedness rather than many-sidedness that +should be regarded as strange? Is it not as much an evidence of disease +as the preponderance of one element or function in the physical +constitution? + +_26th._--I have been thinking more about this many-sidedness of Goethe. +It is by no means that _versatility_ which distinguishes so many +second-rate geniuses, which inclines to the selection of many pursuits, +but seldom permits the attainment of distinguished excellence in one. +It was one and the same principle acting throughout, the striving after +unity. It was this which made him seek to idealise the actual, and +to actualise the Ideal. The former he attempted by searching in each +outward object for the law which governed its existence and of which its +outward development was but an imperfect symbol, the latter by giving +form and consistency to the creations of his own fancy. Thus _the one_ +was ever-present to him, and he sought it not in one path, among the +objects of one science alone, but everywhere in nature and out. In all +that was genuine nature he knew that it was to be found; that it was +_not_ to be found in the acquired and the artificial was perhaps the +reason of his aversion for them. This aversion he carried so far that +even acquired virtue was distasteful to him. Whatever may be thought +of such a distaste esthetically, we must think that, morally, it was +carrying his principle rather to an extreme. I have just come across a +plan of study which I formed some months ago and I could not but smile +to see how nothing of it has been accomplished. I was to divide my +attention between philosophy, language (not languages), and poetry. The +former I was to study by topics; e.g., take the subject of perception, +write out my own ideas upon it, if I had any, and then read those +of other people. In studying language, or rather ethnography, I +intended--1. To take the Hebrew roots, trace all the derivatives and +related words first in that language, then in others. 2. To examine +words relating to the spiritual, with a view to discover their original +picture-meaning. 3. Search for a type or symbol in nature of every +spiritual fact. Under the head of poetry I mean, to study the great +masters of epic and dramatic poetry, especially Shakspeare and Milton, +and from them make out a science of criticism. Alas! + +_April 5, 1838._--I have been thinking about myself--what a strange, +wayward, incomprehensible being I am, and how completely misunderstood +by almost everybody. Uniting excessive pride with excessive +sensitiveness, the greatest ardor and passionateness of emotion with +an irresolute will, a disposition to _distrust_, in so far only as the +affection of others for me is concerned, with the extreme of confidence +and credulity in everything else--an incapability of expressing, except +occasionally as it were in gushes, any strong feeling--a tendency +to melancholy, yet with a susceptibility of enjoyment almost +transporting--subject to the most sudden, unaccountable and irresistible +changes of mood--capable of being melted and moulded to anything by +kindness, but as cold and unyielding as a rock against harshness and +compulsion--such are some of the peculiarities which excellently prepare +me for un-happiness. It is true that sometimes I am conscious of none of +them--when for days together I pursue my regular routine of studies and +employments, half mechanically--or when completely under the influence +of the outward, I live for a time in what is around me. But this never +lasts long. One of the most painful feelings I ever know is the sense of +an unappeasable craving for sympathy and appreciation--the desire to be +understood and loved, united with the conviction that this desire can +never be gratified. I feel _alone_, different from all others and +of course misunderstood by them. The only other feeling I have more +miserable than this is the sense of being _worse_ than all others, and +utterly destitute of anything excellent or beautiful. Oh! what mysteries +are wrapped up in the mind and heart of man! What a development will +be made when the light of another world shall be let in upon these +impenetrable recesses! + +BOSTON, _Jan. 7, 1839._--I came here on the last day of the last +year, and have since then been very much occupied in different ways. +Yesterday, I heard President Hopkins all day, and in the evening, +a lecture from Dr. Follen on Pantheism. The most abstract of all +pantheistic systems he described to be that of the Brahmans, as taught +in the Vedas and Vedashta, and also at _first_ by Schelling, viz., that +the _absolute_ is the first principle of all things; and this absolute +is not to be conceived of as possessing any attribute at all--not even +that of existence. A system a little less abstract is that of the +Eleatics, who believed in the absolute as existing. Then that of +Giordano Bruno, who made _soul_ and _matter_ the formative principle and +the principal recipient of forces--to be the ground of the universe. +Then Spinoza, who postulated _thought_ as the representative of the +spiritual, and _extension_ as that of the material principle; and +these together are his _originaux_. From thence sprang the spiritual +pantheists--such as Schelling, Fichte, and Hegel--and the material +pantheists. + +_Wednesday, April 10th._--To-morrow I go to Andover. Have been +indescribably hurried of late. Have finished Claudius--am reading +Prometheus and Kant's Critique. _April 19th_.--Am reading Seneca's Medea +and Southey's Life of Cowper. + +ANDOVER, _May 13th._--Dr. Woods was remarking to-day at dinner on the +influence of _hope_ in sustaining under the severest sufferings. It +recalled a thought which occurred to me the other day in reading +Prometheus; that, regarded as an example of unyielding determination and +unconquerable fortitude he is not equal to Milton's Satan. For he +has before him not only the _hope_, but the _certainty_ of ultimate +deliverance, whereas Satan bears himself up, by the mere force of +his will, unsustained by hope, "which comes to all," but not to him. +_15th_.--It has just occurred to me that the doctrine of the soul's +mortality seems to have _no_ point of contact with humanity. It surely +can not have been entertained as being agreeable to man's _wishes_. And +what is there in the system of things, or in the nature of the mind, to +suggest it? On the contrary, everything looks in an opposite direction. +How is it _possible_ to help seeing that the soul is not here in its +proper element, in its native air? How is it possible to escape the +conviction that all its unsatisfied yearnings, its baffled aims, its +restless, agonizing aspirings after a _something_, clearly perceived +to exist, but to be here unattainable--that all these things point +to _another_ life, the _only_ true life of the soul? There is such a +manifest disproportion between all objects of earthly attainment and the +capacities of the spirit, that, unless man is immortal, he is vastly +more to be pitied than the meanest reptile that crawls upon the earth. +So I thought as I was walking this morning and saw a frog swimming in a +puddle of water. I could hardly help envying him when I considered that +_his_ condition was suited to his nature, and that he has no wants which +are not supplied. + +_June 17th._--I am reading Goethe's Conversations with Eckermann. One +thing I remark is this--he does not, as most men do, make the degree +of sympathy he finds in others the measure of his interest in them and +attention to them. Goethe looked at all as specimens of human nature, +and, therefore, all worthy of study. But, after all, this way of looking +at others seems to be more suited to the _artist_ than to the man; and I +can not conceive of any but a very passionless and immobile person who +could do it.... Does all nature furnish one type of the soul? If so, it +might be the ocean; the rough, swelling, fluctuating, unsounded ocean. +Shall it ever _rest? Rest?_ What an infinite, mournful sweetness in the +word! How perfectly sure I feel that my soul can never rest in _itself_, +nor in anything of earth; if I find peace, it must be in the bosom of +God. + +_July 2d._--The vulgar proverb, "It never rains but it pours," is fully +illustrated in my case. Last week I would have given half the world for +a new book; yesterday and today have overflooded me. Mr. Hubbard has +sent me Prof. Park's "German Selections," Pliny, Heeren's Ancient +Greece, two volumes of the Biblical Repository, and two of his own +magazines; Mr. Judd has sent me two volumes of Carlyle, and Mr. Ripley +four of Lessing--all of these must be despatched _a la hate. July +5th._--Last evening we spent upon the Common witnessing a beautiful +exhibition of fireworks. This morning I have been to Union wharf to see +the departure of some missionaries. For a few minutes, time seemed +a speck and eternity near--but how transient with me are such +impressions! I am indulging myself too much of late in a sort of +sentimental reverie. Life and its changes, the depths of the soul, +the fluctuations of passion and feeling--these are the subjects which +attract my thoughts perpetually.... We spent last evening at Richard H. +Dana's. _He_ does not separate his intellectual and sentimental tastes +from his moral convictions as I do--I mean that neither in books nor men +does he find pleasure unless they are such as his conscience approves. +_Tuesday, 9th._--Have visited the Allston gallery and seen Rosalie for +the last time before going home. I could not have believed that I should +feel such a pang at parting from a picture. I did not succeed in getting +to the gallery before others--but, no matter. I forgot the presence of +everybody else and sat for an hour before Rosalie without moving. I took +leave of the other pictures mentally, for I could not look. Farewell, +sweet Beatrice, lovely Inez, beautiful Ursulina--dear, dear Rosalie, +farewell! + +_Monday, 15th._--Yesterday I was happy; to-day I am not exactly unhappy, +but morbid and anxious. I feel continually the pressure of obligation +to write something, in order to contribute toward the support of the +family--and yet, I can not write. Mother wants me to write children's +books; Lizzy wants me to write a book of Natural Philosophy for schools. +I wish I had a "vocation." _Sabbath._--Stayed at home on account of +the rain and read one of Tholuck's sermons to Julia. Wrote in my other +journal some account of my thoughts and feelings. Burned up part of an +old diary. + +_Thursday, July 25th._--"My soul is dark." What with the sin I find +within me, and the darkness and error, disputes and perplexities around +me, I well-nigh despair. Whether I seek to _discover_ truth or to _live_ +it, I am _equally_ unsuccessful. "I grope at noon-day as in the night." +But there is a God, holy and changeless. He _is_. From eternity to +eternity, He IS. On this Rock will I rest----. I stopped a moment and my +eye was caught by the waving trees. What do they say to me? How silent +they are! and yet how _eloquent!_ And here I sit--to myself the centre +of the world, wondering and speculating about this same little self. Do +the trees so? No; they wave and bend and bloom for _others._ I am ready +to join with Herbert in wishing that I were a tree; then + + "At least some bird would trust + Her household to me, and I should be just." + +_Evening._--I read to-day another of Lessing's tragedies--"Miss Sarah +Sampson,"--which I do not like nearly as well as Mina von Barnhelm. We +were engaged to take tea with "the Mayor," and went with many tremblings +and hesitations on account of the rain. Very few there, and a most +uncommonly stupid time. + +_Saturday Evening._--I have been alone for a little while, and, as +usual, this time brings with it thronging remembrances of absent +friends. Their forms flit before me; their spirits are around me; I feel +their presence--almost; dear friends, almost I clasp you in my arms. My +soul yearns for love and sympathy. I do bless and praise my God for all +His goodness to me in this respect, for my _many_ tender and faithful +and devoted friends. Part of the day I spent in arranging shells in my +cabinet of drawers. This afternoon I went to Mr. Prentiss' library and +obtained Schlegel's Lectures on Dramatic Art and Literature. + +_Monday Morning._--Have been trying to rouse myself to write Lessing, +but can not. It looks so little. When it is all done, what will it +amount to? Why, I shall get a few dollars for mother, which will go to +buy bread and butter--and that's the end of it. + +_Evening._--S. W. and M. W. made a call on us and the former played and +sang. Then we sat up till after eleven naming each of our acquaintances +after some flower. _Aug. 8th_,--Oh, what a happy half hour I had last +evening, looking at the sky after sunset! We went down to the water--it +was smooth as a crystal lake. The horizon was all in a glow--the +softest, mellowest, warmest glow, and above dark, heavy clouds of +every variety of form--the clouds and the glow alike reflected in the +answering heaven below--I was almost _too_ happy; but--it _faded_. +_Evening_.--I had something to wake me up this afternoon, viz., the +arrival of the July No. of the New York Review, containing "Claudius." +This led to some conversation about writing, its pecuniary +profitableness, subjects for it, etc. Julia wished I would take some +other topics besides German authors, but when I told her the alternative +would be metaphysics, she laughed and retracted the wish. We then +laughed over several schemes such as these--that one of us should write +a review and another make the book for it afterward; that I should +review some book which did not exist and give professed extracts from +it, etc. Soon after Mrs. D. came in and began to talk about "Undine," +which she and her husband have just been reading--the new translation. +I was amused at their opinion of it. The most absurd, ridiculous story, +she said--with no _rationality_, nothing that one can _understand_ in +it--and so on, showing that she had not the slightest idea of a work of +fancy merely. I have been wishing, as I often do, for some records of my +past life. What could I not give for a daily journal as minute as this, +beginning from my childhood! My past life is mostly a blank to me. _Aug. +15th_.--I am beginning to see dimly some new truths--such I believe +them to be--in theology. I am inclined to think, but do not feel sure, +that Redemption, instead of being merely a necessary _remedy_ for a +great evil, is in itself the highest positive good, and that the state +into which it brings man, of union with God, is a far nobler and better +condition than that of primitive innocence, and at the same time a +condition attainable in no other way than through redemption, and, of +course, through sin. In this case the plan of redemption, instead +of being an _afterthought_ of the divine mind (speaking +anthropomorphically), is that in reference to which the whole +world-system was contrived. These thoughts were partly suggested by +reading Schleiermacher, who, if I understand him, has some such notions. +If there is any truth in them, do they not throw light on the much-vexed +question why God permitted the introduction of moral evil? Another point +which I feel confident is misunderstood by our theologians is the nature +of the redemptive act. The work of Christ in redemption is generally +explained to be His incarnation, sufferings, and death, by which He made +_atonement_ to justice for the sins of the world. This, it is true, is a +part of what He did; it is that part which He performed in reference to +God and His law, but it is not what Coleridge calls the "spiritual and +transcendent act" by which He made us one with Himself, and thus secured +the possibility of our restoration to spiritual life. _Aug. 17th_.--Have +devoted almost the whole day to Coleridge's Literary Remains, which Mr. +Davenport brought me. My admiration, even veneration, for his almost +unequalled power is greater than ever, but I can not help thinking that +his studies--some of them--exerted an unfavorable influence upon him, +especially, perhaps, Spinoza. _Aug. 22d_--Mr. Park sent me the Life of +Mackintosh by his son. I rejoiced much too soon over it, for it proves +very uninteresting. This is partly to be accounted for from my want of +interest in politics, etc. In great measure, however, it is the fault of +the biographer, who has shown us the man at a distance, on stilts, or at +best only in his most outward circumstances, never letting us know, +as Carlyle says, what sort of stockings he wore, and what he ate for +dinner. I don't think Sir James himself has much _inwardness_ to him, +but certainly his son has shown us only the outermost shell. Have read +the Iliad and Schleiermacher to-day. _Aug. 24th_.--A queer circumstance +happened this evening. Col. Kinsman and Mr. C. S. Davies called. I was +considering what unusual occurrence could have brought Mr. D. here, +when he increased my wonder still more by disclosing his errand. He had +received, he said, a letter from Prof. Woods, requesting that I, or +a "lady whose taste was as correct in dress as in literature," would +decide upon the fashion of a gown to be worn by him at his inauguration +as President of Bowdoin College, and forthwith procure such a gown to be +made. _Aug. 25th_.--I have been reading the second volume of Mackintosh, +which is much better than the first, and gives a higher opinion of him. +He is certainly well described by Coleridge as the "king of men of +talent." It is curious, by the way, to compare what M. says of C.: "It +is impossible to give a stronger example of a man, whose talents are +beneath his understanding, and who trusts to his ingenuity to atone for +his ignorance.... Shakespeare and Burke are, if I may venture on +the expression, above talent; but Coleridge is not!" Ah, well--_de +gustibus_, etc. + +I have been as busy as a bee all day; wrote notes, prepared for leaving +home, read Schleiermacher, and Philip von Artevelde, which delighted me; +walked after tea with Lizzy, then examined my papers to see what is +to be burned. I wish I knew what I was made for--I mean, in +_particular_--what I _can_ do, and what I _ought_ to do. I can not bear +to live a life of literary self-indulgence, which is no better than +another self-indulgence. I _do want_ to be of some use in the world, +but I am infinitely perplexed as to the _how_ and the _what_. _Aug. +26th_.--Hurried through the last 200 pages of Mackintosh today. On the +whole, there is much to _like_ as well as to admire in him. One thing +puzzles me in his case as in others: How men who give no signs through a +long life of anything more than the most cold and distant _respect_ for +religion--the most unfrequent and uninterested remembrance, if any +at all--of the Saviour, all at once become so devout--I mean it not +disrespectfully--on their death-beds. What strange doubts this and other +like mysteries suggest! + +After tea I carried a bouquet to Mrs. French. Saw all the way a sky +so magnificent that words can do no justice to it--splendors piled on +splendors, till my soul was fairly sick with admiration. Mrs. French +asked me if life ever looked sad and wearisome to me. _Ever!_ + +BOSTON, _Saturday morning, Sept. 8th_--The rain keeps me home from +church, but I still have the more time for reading and reflection. At +every change in my outward situation I find myself forming new purposes +and plans for the future.... I _will_ trust that, by the grace of God, +the ensuing winter shall be a period of more vigorous effort and more +persevering self-culture than any previous season of my life. Above all, +let me remember that intellectual culture is worthless when dissociated +from moral progress; that true spiritual growth embraces both; and the +latter as the basis and mould of the former. Let me remember, too, that +in the universe _everything_ may be had for a price, but nothing can be +had without price. The price of successful self-culture is unremitted +toil, labor, and self-denial; am I willing to pay it? I feel that I need +light and strength and life; may I find them in _Christ!_ As to studies, +I mean to study the Bible _much;_ also dogmatic theology--which of late +has an increasing interest for me--and ecclesiastical history. To the +Spirit of all Truth I surrender my mind. + +_Monday._--I have fallen in with Swedenborg's writings. Wonder whether +the destiny which seems to bring to us just what we chance to be +interested in is a real ordinance of fate or only a seeming one--because +interest in a subject makes us observant. Am reading Greek with Julia. +We began the sixth book of the Iliad. _Tuesday_.--Fifty lines in Homer; +Companion proofs; Schleiermacher; the prologue and first scene of +Terence's comedy of Andria; two Nos. of N. Nickleby, and walked +round the Common with Julia twice. _Wednesday_.--Studies the same as +yesterday, except that I read less of Schleiermacher and spent an hour +or so upon Lessing. Read "Much Ado about Nothing," and disliked Beatrice +less than ever before. But I am not satisfied with Claudio; he is not +_half_ sorry and remorseful enough for the supposed death of Hero--and +then to think of his being willing to marry another right off! Oh, it +is abominable! Walked over _four miles_ in the morning, and out again +before tea. + +_Tuesday, Sept. 17th_--Well. The family are off--Mr. and Mrs. Willis, +and Julia too--and the Recorder and Companion [10] are left for a +fortnight in my charge. I have been much interested in what I have read +to-day in Schleiermacher. It is his evolution of the idea of God--if I +may so say--from holy, human consciousness. It recalls some thoughts +which I had on this subject once before, and which I began to write +about. My notion was this--that an absolutely perfect idea of man +implies, contains an idea of God. I have a great mind to try and make +something out of it, only I am so hurried just now. They keep sending me +papers to make selections for the Recorder, and I have just been +writing an article for the Companion. I spend half my time looking +over newspapers. Double, double toil and trouble; most wearisome and +profitless. Would not edit a paper for the world. + +No truth can be said to be seen _as it is_ until it is seen in its +relation to all other truths. In this relation only is it true.... No +_error_ is understood till we have seen all the truth there is in it, +and, therefore, as Coleridge says, you must "understand an author's +ignorance, or conclude yourself ignorant of his understanding." + +_Monday, 30th._--I have been very happy this afternoon--writing all the +time with a genial flow of thought and without effort. How I love to +feel that for this I am indebted to God. He is my intellectual source, +the Father of my spirit, as well as the author of everything morally +good in me. + +_Friday, Oct. 4th._--I have been too busy reading and writing for the +last few days to find time for my journal. I go on with Schleiermacher +and have resumed Lessing. I am reading the Memoir of Mrs. S. L. Smith +and Tappan's "Review of Edwards on the Will." Fifty lines in the Iliad +with Julia. Finished the Andria and to-day began the Adelphi. I am +amused at comparing the comedy of that day with the modern French +school. Davus in Andria is but a rough sketch of Moliere's valet, and +the whole plot is so bungling in comparison. Have had very few attacks +of melancholy lately; because, I suppose, my health is good and I am +constantly employed. + +_Evening_.--I never came nearer losing my wits with delight than this +afternoon. Went to call on Mr. and Mrs. Ripley, and saw his fine library +of German books. The sight was enough to excite me to the utmost, but +to be told that they were all at my service put me into such an ecstasy +that I could hardly behave with decency. I selected several immediately +and promised myself fuller examination of the library very soon.... Mr. +R. proposed to me to translate something for his series. Shall I? [11] + +_Sabbath Evening, Oct. 13th_.--I have just been writing to my dear +brother G., for whom as well as for my other brothers, I feel the +greatest solicitude. I have separate sources of anxiety for each of +them, and hope that the intenseness of this anxiety will make me more +earnest in commending them to God. _Oct. 14th_.--Gave up the time +usually devoted to Lessing to writing two articles for the Mother's +Magazine. Read Homer, and the 149th and 150th Psalms and the first +chapter of Genesis in Hebrew. Read or rather _studied_ Schleiermacher. +Corrected proof. Read several articles in the Biblical Repository--one +by Prof. Park--aloud to Julia. On the whole, I have been pretty +industrious. Oh, how many reasons I have for gratitude! Health, friends, +books--nothing is wanting but the heart to enjoy God in all. Wrote to +mother. + +_Oct. 17th._--This morning dear Lizzy came; of course the day has been +given up to _miscellanies_. + +_Oct. 21st._--Mr. Albro [12] called and stayed till dinner-time. After +dinner read Greek with Julia and then wrote a notice of Gesenius' Hebrew +Grammar, and then set off for Lucy's, where the others were already +gone. Mr. Albro has concluded to read Schleiermacher with me--that is, +to keep along at the same rate, that we may talk about it. Letter +from mother, and notes from Mr. Condit and Mr. Hamlin, with a copy of +"Payson's Thoughts" in Armenian. Have just finished reading Mr. Ripley's +Reply to Mr. Norton. Mr. Willis is forming a Bible-class for me to teach +on the Sabbath--am very glad. + +_Nov. 14th._--Finished Lessing yesterday, and hope for a little rest +from hurry. Shall resume Schleiermacher and take up Fichte on the +Destination of Man. + +_Nov. 22nd._--I am afraid that I may have to be resigned to a very great +misfortune; namely, to the partial loss of eyesight--for a time at +least; so yesterday I resolved to give them a holiday, though sorely +against my will, by not opening a book the whole day. Whether I should +have succeeded in observing such a desperate resolution without the aid +of circumstances is quite problematical, but Mr. Gray opportunely came +with a request that I should take a ride with him to Cambridge, and +visit the libraries there. This occupied four or five hours, and a +lyceum lecture provided for the evening. I have always congratulated +myself on being so little dependent on _others_ for entertainment--but +never considered how entirely I am dependent on _books_. If I should be +deprived of the use of my eyes, I should be a most miserable creature. + +_Thanksgiving, Nov. 29th._--A very pleasant and delightful day--our +hearts full of gladness and, I hope, of gratitude. I hope dear mother +and all at home are as happy. + +_Dec. 25th._--How plain that all the creations of the ancient mythology +are but representations of something in the heart of man!... What is the +end of man? Infinite contradictions--all opposites blended into one--a +mass of confused, broken parts, of disjointed fragments--such _is_ he. +The circumstances that surround him--the events that happen unto him, +are no less strange. What shall be the end? Oh then, abyss of futurity, +declare it! unfold thy dark depths--let a voice come up from thy cloudy +infinite--let a ray penetrate thy unfathomable profound. If we could +but _rest_ till the question is decided! if we could but float softly on +the current of time till we reach the haven! But no, we must _act_. We +must _do_ something. _I_ must do something _now_--WHAT? + +_Evening._ But as the morning. In the afternoon I was talking with L. +W. [13] with as much eagerness and vivacity as if I had never known a +cloud. This evening I was going to a _dance_ at the _Insane_ Hospital. +For me truly it has been a day of opposites--all the elements of life +have met and mingled in it. + +_Wednesday, 26th._--The end of man, says Carlyle, is an action, not a +thought. This is partly true, though all noble action has its root in +thought. Thought, indeed, in its true and highest sense, _is_ action. It +is never lost. If uttered, it may breathe inspiration into a thousand +minds and become the impulse to ten thousand good actions. If unuttered, +and terminating in no single outward act, it yet has an emanative +influence; it impregnates the man and makes itself felt in his life. A +man can not do so noble and godlike a thing as to think, without being +the better for it. Indeed, the distinction between thought and action is +not always an accurate one. Many thoughts deserve the name of activities +much better than certain movements of the muscles and changes of the +outward organization which we denominate actions. In this sense, it is +better of the two to think without acting than to act without thinking. + +Mrs. Hopkins was the author of the following works, intended mostly for +the young. Some of them have had a wide circulation. They are written in +an attractive style and breathe the purest spirit of Christian love and +wisdom: 1. The Pastor's Daughter. 2. Lessons on the Book of Proverbs. 3. +The Young Christian Encouraged. 4. Henry Langdon; or, What Was I Made +For? 5. The Guiding Star; or, The Bible God's Message; a Sequel to Henry +Langdon. 6. The Silent Comforter; a Companion for the Sick-room. A +Compilation. + + * * * * * + +E. + + +The following is the rhapsody referred to by Mr. Butler: (The words to +be used were _Mosquito, Brigadier, Moon, Cathedral, Locomotive, Piano, +Mountain, Candle, Lemon, Worsted, Charity_, and _Success_). + + A wounded soldier on the ground in helpless languor lay, + Unheeding in his weariness the tumult of the day; + In vain a pert _mosquito_ buzzed madly in his ear, + His thoughts were far away from earth--its sounds he could not hear; + Nor noted he the kindly glance with which his _brigadier_ + Looked down upon his manly form when chance had brought him near. + It was a glorious autumn night on which the _moon_ looked down, + Calmly she looked and her fair face had neither grief nor frown. + Just as she gazed in other lands on some _cathedral_ dim, + Whose aisles resounded to the strains of dirges or of hymn. + But now with _locomotive_ speed the soldier's thoughts took wing: + Back to his home they bore him, and he heard his sisters sing-- + Heard the softest-toned _piano_ touched by hands he used to love. + Was it home or was it heaven? Was that music from above? + Oh, for one place or the other! In his mountain air to die, + Once more upon his mother's breast, as in infancy, to lie! + + The scene has changed. Where is he now? Not on the cold, damp ground. + Whence came this couch? and who are they who smiling stand around? + What friendly hands have borne him to his own free _mountain_ air? + And father, mother, sisters--every one of them is there. + Now gentle ministries of love may soothe him in his pain; + Water to cool his fevered lips he need not ask in vain. + His mother shades the _candle_ when she steals across the room; + A face like hers would radiant make a very desert's gloom. + The fragrant _lemon_ cools his thirst, pressed by his sister's hand-- + Not one can do enough for him, the hero of their band. + + Oh, happy, convalescing days! How full of pleasant pain! + How pleasant to take up the old, the dear old life again! + Now, sitting on the wooden bench before the cottage door, + How many times they make him tell the same old story o'er! + How he fought and how he fell; how he longed again to fight; + And how he would die fighting yet for the triumph of the right. + His good old mother sits all day so fondly by his side; + How can she give him up again--her first-born son, her pride? + His sisters with their _worsted_ his stockings fashion too, + In patriotic colors--the red, the white, the blue. + If he should never wear them, a _charity_ 'twill be + To give them to some soldier-lad as brave and good as he. + They're dreadful homely stockings; one can not well say less, + But whosoever wears 'em--why, may he have _success_! + +Here are samples of the charades referred to by Miss Morse: + +ON RETURNING A LOST GLOVE TO A FRIEND. + +MARCH, 1873. + + A hand I am not, yet have fingers five; + Alive I am not, yet was once alive. + Am found in every house and by the dozen, + And am of flesh and blood a sort of cousin. + Now cut my head off. See what I become! + No longer am I lifeless, dead, and dumb. + I am the very sweetest thing on earth; + Royal in power and of royal birth. + I in the palace reign and in the cot-- + There is no place where man is and I'm not. + I am too costly to be bought and sold; + I can not be enticed by piles of gold. + And yet I am so lowly that a smile + Can woo and win me--and so free from guile, + That I look forth from many a gentle face + In tenderness and truthfulness and grace. + Say, do you know me? Have you known my reign? + My joy, my rapture, and my silent pain? + Beneath your pillow have I roses placed-- + Your heart's glad festival have I not graced? + Ah me! To mother, lover, husband, wife + I am the oil and I the wine of life. + With you, my dear, I have been hand and _glove_. + Shall I return the first and keep the _Love_? + +CHARADE. + + My _first_ was born to rule; before him stand + The potentates and nobles of the land. + He loves his grandeur--hopes to be more grand. + + My second you will find in every lass-- + Both in the highest and the lowest class, + And even in a simple blade of grass. + + But add it to my _first_, and straightway he + Becomes my _whole_--loses identity; + Parts with his manhood and becomes a _She_. + + (Prince, _ss.,_ Princess). + + * * * * * + +F. + + +Here is another extract from the same letter: + +J'ai peine a me mettre a l'oraison, et quelquefois quand j'y suis il me +tarde d'en sortir. Je n'y fais, ce me semble, presque rien. Je me trouve +meme dans une certaine tiedeur et une tachete pour toutes sortes de +biens. Je n'ai aucune peine considerable ni dans mon interieur, ni dans +mon exterieur, ainsi je ne saurois dire que je passe par aucune epreuve. +Il me semble que c'est un songe, ou que je me moque quand je cherche mon +etat tant je me trouve hors de tout etat spirituel, dans la voie +commune des gens tiedes qui vivent a leur aise. Cependant cette languor +universelle jointe a l'abandon qui me fait acceptes tout et qui +m'empeche de rien rechercher, ne laisse pas de m'abattre, et je sens +que j'ai quelquefois besoin de donner a mes sens quelque amusement pour +m'egayer. Aussi le fais--je simplement, mais bien mieux quand je suis +seul que quand je suis avec mes meilleurs amis. Quand je suis seul, je +joue quelquefois comme un petit enfant, etc., etc. + +The letter may be found in Vol. V., pp. 411-12, of Madame Guyon's +LETTRES CHRETIENNES ET SPIRITUELLES _sur divers Sujets qui regardent +La Vie Interieure, ou L'esprit du vrai Christianisme_--enrichie de la +Correspondance secrette de MR. DE FENELON avec l'Auteur. London, 1768. +The whole work is extremely interesting. + + * * * * * + +G. + +[From The Evangelist of May 27, 1875.] + + +IN MEMORIAM. + +Died in Paris, France, May 8, 1875, VIRGINIA S. OSBORN, only daughter of +William H. and Virginia S. Osborn, of this city, and granddaughter of +the late Jonathan Sturges. + +The sudden death of this gifted young girl has overwhelmed with grief a +large social and domestic circle. Last February, in perfect health and +full of the brightest anticipations, she set out, in company with her +parents and a young friend, on a brief foreign tour. After passing +several weeks at Rome and visiting other famous cities of Italy, she had +just reached Paris on the way home when a violent fever seized upon her +brain, and, in defiance of the tenderest parental care and the best +medical skill, hurried her into the unseen world. + +And yet it is hardly possible to realise that this brilliant young life +has forever vanished away from earth, for she seemed formed alike by +nature and Providence for length of days. Already her character gave the +fairest promise of a perfect woman. It possessed a strength and maturity +beyond her years. Although not yet twenty-one, her varied mental culture +and her knowledge of almost every branch of English literature, history, +poetry, fiction, even physical science, were quite remarkable; nor was +she ignorant of some of the best French and German, not to speak of +Latin, authors. We have never known one of her age whose intellectual +tastes were of a higher order. She seemed to feel equally at home in +reading Shakespeare and Goethe; Prescott, Motley, and Froude; Mrs. +Austin, Scott, and Dickens; Taine, Huxley, and Tyndall; or the popular +biographies and fictions of the day. And yet her studious habits and +devotion to books did not render her any the less the unaffected, +attractive, and whole-hearted girl. Her friends, both old and young, +greatly admired her, but they loved her still more. As was natural in +one of so much character, she was very decided in her ways; but she was +also perfectly frank, truthful, and conscientious--resembling in +this respect, as she did in some other excellent traits, her honored +grandfather, Mr. Sturges. + +Several years before her death she was enrolled among the disciples of +Jesus. How vividly the writer recalls her earnest look and tones of +voice when she declared to him her desire publicly to confess her +Saviour and to remember Him at His table! When from beneath the deep sea +the news that she was dangerously ill and then soon after that she was +dead stole upon her friends here like a thief in the night, almost +stunning them with grief; their first feeling was one of tender sympathy +for the desolate, sorely-smitten parents, and of prayer that God would +be pleased to comfort and uphold them in their affliction. + +From many hearts, we are sure, that prayer has been offered up +oftentimes since. If it were not for the relief which comes of faith and +prayer, what a cloud of hopeless gloom would enshroud such an event! +Blessed be God for this exceeding great and precious relief. The dark +cloud is not indeed dispersed even by faith and prayer, but with what +a silver lining they are able to invest it! If we really believed that +such tragical events are solely the effects of chance or mere natural +law--if we did not believe that the hand of infinite wisdom and love is +also in them, surely the grass would turn black beneath our feet. _The +Lord gave; the Lord hath taken away; and blessed be the name of the +Lord._ + +G. L. P. + + * * * * * + +H. + +_Extracts front Dr. Vincent's Memorial Discourse._ + + +The men and women who know how to comfort human sorrow, and to teach +their fellows to turn it to its highest uses, are among God's best gifts +to the world. The office and the name of Comforter have the highest and +purest associations. It is the Holy Spirit of God who calls Himself by +that name, and to be a true comforter is to be indeed a co-worker with +God. But even as the _word_ "comfort" goes deeper than those pitying +commonplaces which even nature teaches us to utter to those who are +in any trouble, so the _office_ of a true comforter requires other +qualifications than mere natural tenderness of heart, or even the +experience of suffering. One must know how to _interpret_ as well as how +to _feel_ sorrow; must know its _lessons_ as well as its _smart_. Hence +it is that God makes His comforters by processes of His own; by hard +masters ofttimes, and by lessons not to be found in books. + +It is in illustration of this truth that I bring to you to-day some +memorials of the experience, character, and life-work of one widely +known, deeply beloved, and greatly honored by God as an instrument of +Christian instruction and of Christian comfort. It would, indeed, be +possible to strike some other keynote. A character presenting so many +points of interest might be studied from more than one of those points +with both pleasure and profit; but, on the whole, it seems to me that +the thought of a _Christian comforter_ best concentrates the lessons of +her life, and best represents her mission to society; so that we might +aptly choose for our motto those beautiful words of the Apostle: +"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father +of mercies, and the God of all comfort, who comforteth us in all our +tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any +trouble by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." + +In endeavoring to depict a life which was largely shaped by sorrow, I am +not going to open the record of a sorrowful life, but rather of a joyful +one; not of a starved and meager life, but of a very rich one, both in +itself and in its fruits; yet it may be profitable for us to see through +what kind of discipline that life became so rich, and to strike some +of the springs where arose the waters which refreshed so many of the +children of pain and care. + +The daughter of Edward Payson might justly have appropriated her +father's words: "Thanks to the fervent, effectual prayers of my +righteous parents, and the tender mercies of my God upon me, I have +reason to hope that the pious wishes breathed over my infant head are in +some measure fulfilled." She might have said with Cowper: + + "My boast is not that I deduce my birth + From loins enthroned and rulers of the earth; + But higher far my proud pretensions rise; + The child of parents passed into the skies." + +The life and work of that devoted minister of Jesus Christ have passed +into the religious history of New England--not to say of our whole +country--and no student of that history is unfamiliar with that +character so tried, yet so exalted by suffering; with that ministry so +faithful, so unselfish, marked by such yearning for souls, and with such +persistence, tact, and success in leading them to Christ; with that +intellect so richly endowed and so well trained; that devotional spirit +so rapt, that conscience so acutely sensitive; with that life so +fruitful and that death so triumphant.... + + * * * * * + +In the summer of 1869 she found a lovely and peaceful retreat among the +hills of Vermont. There arose that tasteful home with which, perhaps +more than any other spot, memory loves to associate her. There, for ten +happy summers, she enjoyed the communion with Nature's "visible forms," +and heard her "various language," and felt her healing touch on the +wearied brain and overstrung nerves; there, as I think she would have +wished, she took leave of earth amid the pomp and flush of the late +summer, and gladly ascended to the eternal sunshine of heaven; and +there, in the shadow of the giant hills which "brought peace" to her, +and the changing moods of which she so loved to study, her ashes await +the morning of the Resurrection. + +In reviewing this life of nearly sixty years, we find its keynote, as +was said at the outset, in the thought of the Christian comforter. We +see in her one whom God commissioned, so far as we can judge, to bring +light and comfort to multitudes, and whom He prepared for that blessed +work by peculiar and severe discipline. + +There is nothing in which ordinary minds are more commonly mistaken than +in their estimate of _suffering._ They seem often unable to conceive it +except in its association with appreciable tragedies, in those grosser +forms in which it waits upon visible calamity. Such do not know that the +heart is often the scene of tragedies which can not be written, and that +there are sufferings more subtle and more acute than any which torture +the nerve or wring the brow. Take a character like this with which we +are dealing; combine the nature to which love was a necessity of being +with those high and pure ideals of character which culled cautiously the +objects of affection; add the intense sensitiveness without the self- +esteem which so often serves as a rock of refuge to the most sensitive; +add the sharply-cut individuality which could only see and do and +express in its own way, and which, therefore, so frequently exposed its +subject to the misunderstanding of strangers or of unappreciative souls; +crown all with the stern conscientiousness which would not compromise +the truth even for love's sake, and the exquisite selfreverence, if you +will allow the expression, which held the region of religious emotion as +holy ground, and which regarded the attempt to open or to penetrate the +inner shrines of Christian feeling as something akin to sacrilege--and +blend all these in a delicate, highly-strung, nervous organization, and +you have the elements of a fearful capacity for suffering. + +Besides this _capacity_ for suffering, Mrs. Prentiss had a very clear +cognition of the sacred _office_ of suffering, and of its relation to +perfection of character. There were two ideas which pervaded her whole +theory of religious experience. The one was that whenever God has +special work for His children to do, He always fits them for it by +suffering. She had the most intense conviction of any one I ever knew +of the necessity of suffering to perfection of character or of work. +Doubtless there have been others who have learned as well as she its +value as a purifying and exalting power, but very few, I think, who have +so early and so uncompromisingly taken that truth into their theory of +Christian education. She quoted with approval the words of Madame Guyon, +that "God rarely, if ever, makes the educating process a painless one +when He wants remarkable results." Such must drink of Christ's cup +and be baptized with His baptism. Along with this went another and a +complementary thought, viz., that as God prepares His workmen for great +work by suffering, so there is another class of His children whom He +does not find competent to this preparation; who escape much of the +conflict and suffering, but never attain the highest enjoyments or fight +the decisive battles of time.... In a volume of Fenelon's Christian +Counsel, which was one of her favorite closet companions, this passage +is scored: God "attacks all the subtle resources of self-love within, +especially in those souls who have generously and without reserve +delivered themselves up to the operations of His grace. The more He +would purify them, the more He exercises them interiorly." And she has +added a special note at the foot of the page: "He never forces Himself +on ungenerous souls for this work." + +Along with this went the thought that God's discipline was intended to +make not only _models_, but _ministers_; that one who had passed through +the furnace with Christ was to emerge from the fiery baptism not merely +to be _gazed_ at, but to go down to his brethren telling with power the +story of the "form of the Fourth." This is the sentiment of some lines +addressed by her to an afflicted friend: + + "O that this heart with grief so well acquainted + Might be a fountain, rich and sweet and full, + For all the weary that have fallen and fainted + In life's parched desert--thirsty, sorrowful. + + "Thou Man of Sorrows, teach my lips that often + Have told the sacred story of my woe, + To speak of Thee till stony griefs I soften-- + Till those that know Thee not, learn Thee to know." + +At a comparatively early period of her Christian experience, the theme +of her prayer was: "I beseech Thee, show me Thy glory"; for in the +answer to that prayer there seemed, as she said, to be summed up +everything that she needed or could desire. In a paper in which she +recorded some of her aspirations, she wrote: "Let my life be an +all-day looking to Jesus. Let my love to God be so deep, earnest, and +all-pervading, that I can not have even the passing emotion of rebellion +to suppress. There is such a thing as an implicit faith in, and +consequent submission to, Christ. Let me never rest till they are fully +mine." + +I do not know the precise date, but I think it could not have been very +late when she received a mighty answer to the prayer to behold God's +glory. New views of Christian privilege and of the relation of Christ +to believing souls came with prayerful searching of the Scriptures. +She entered, to use her own words, upon "a life of incessant peace and +serenity--notwithstanding it became, by degrees, one of perpetual self- +denial and effort." The consciousness of God never left her. The whole +world seemed holy ground. Prayer became a perpetual delight. The pride +and turbulence of nature grew quiet under these gentle influences, and +anything from God's hand seemed just right and quite good. + +The secret of her peace and of her usefulness lay very largely in the +prayerfulness of her life. From her early years, prayer was her delight. +In describing the comforts of her chamber in the school at Richmond, she +noted as its crowning charm the daily presence of the Eternal King, who +condescended to make it His dwelling-place. With the deeper experiences +of which we have spoken came a fresh delight in prayer. "It was very +delightful," she says, "to pray all the time; all day long; not only for +myself, but for the whole world--particularly for all those who +loved Christ." Her views of prayer were Scriptural, and, therefore, +discriminating. She fully accepted Paul's statement that "we know not +what we should pray for as we ought" without the help of the Spirit; +and, therefore, she always spoke of prayer as something to be _learned_. +If she believed that a Christian "learns to pray when first he lives," +she believed also that the prayer of the infant Christian life was like +the feeble breath of infancy. She understood by prayer something +far more and higher than the mere preferring of petitions. It was +_communion_; God's Spirit responding harmoniously to our own. With +Coleridge she held, that the act of praying with the total concentration +of the faculties is the very highest energy of which the human heart is +capable. Hence she was accustomed to speak of _learning_ the mysterious +art of prayer by an apprenticeship at the throne of grace. She somewhere +wrote: "I think many of the difficulties attending the subject of prayer +would disappear if it could be regarded in early life as an art that +must be acquired through daily, persistent habits with which nothing +shall be allowed to interfere." She saw that prayer is not to be made +dependent on the various emotive states in which one comes to God. "The +question," she said, "is not one of mere delight." The Roman Catholic +poet accurately expressed her thought on this point: + + "Prayer was not meant for luxury, + Nor selfish pastime sweet; + It is the prostrate creature's place + At the Creator's feet." + +She illustrated in her own quaint way the truth that moods have nothing +to do with the duty of prayer. When one of your little brothers asks +you to lend him your knife, do you inquire first what is the state of +his mind? If you do, what reply can he make but this: "The state of my +mind is, I want your knife." + +With her natural temperament and inherited tendencies she might, +perhaps, under other influences have been drawn too far over to the +emotional, or at least to the contemplative side of religious life. +But she saw and avoided the danger. She discerned the harmony and just +balance between the contemplative and the active Christian life, and +felt that they ought to co-exist in every genuine experience. She +attached as little meaning to a life of mere raptures as to one of bare, +loveless duty. "Christian life," she wrote, "is not all contemplation +and prayer; it is not all muscle and sinew. It is a perfect, practicable +union of the two. I believe in your joyful emotions if they result in +self-denying, patient work for Christ--I believe in your work if it is +winged by faith and prayer." She had scored this passage in her copy of +Fenelon: "To be constantly in a state of enjoyment that takes away +the feeling of the cross, and to live in a fervor of devotion that +continually keeps Paradise open--this is not dying upon the cross and +becoming nothing." + +Such experience and such views were behind the active side of her life, +as represented by her personal ministries and by the work of her pen. +The one book in which she endeavored to embody _formally_ her views of +Christian doctrine and experience did not, as might have been expected, +find the same reception or the same response which were accorded to +other productions. It was a book which appealed to a smaller and higher +class of readers. But, when she wrought these same truths into pictures +of living men and women--when she illustrated them at the points where +they touched the drudgery and commonplace of thousands of lives--when +she opened outlooks for hundreds of discouraged souls upon the roads +where hundreds more were bearing the very same burdens, and yet stepping +heavenward under their pressure--when she, who had walked in the fire +herself, went to her sisters in the same old furnace and told them of +her vision of the form of the Fourth--when she went down to the many who +were sadly working out the mistakes of ill-judged alliances, and lifted +the veil from sorrows which separate their subject from human sympathy +because they must be borne in silence--when she told such how heaven +might come even into their life--when she, with her hands yet bleeding +from the grasp of her own cross, came to other sufferers, not to mock +them by the show of an unattainable beauty and an impossible peace, but +to _offer_ them _divine_ peace and the beauty of the Lord in the name +of her Saviour--then she spoke with a power which multitudes felt and +confessed. + +I am sure that hers is, in an eminent degree, the blessing of them +that were ready to perish. Weary, overtaxed mothers; misunderstood and +unappreciated wives, servants, pale seamstresses, delicate women forced +to live in an atmosphere of drunkenness and coarse brutality, widows and +orphans in the bitterness of their bereavement, mothers with their tears +dropping over empty cradles--to thousands of such she was a messenger +from heaven. + +Of all her seventeen or eighteen published volumes, "Stepping +Heavenward" is the one which best represents her and her life-work--not +that she produced nothing else of value, nor that many of her other +books were not widely read, greatly enjoyed, and truly useful; but +"Stepping Heavenward" seemed to meet so many real, deep, inarticulate +cravings in such a multitude of hearts, that the response to it was +instant and general.... + +She wrote for readers of all ages. Not the least fruitful work of her +pen was bestowed upon the little ones; and in the number of copies +circulated, the Susy Books stand next to Stepping Heavenward. Through +those little half allegories she initiated the children into the +rudiments of self-control, discipline and consecration, and taught eyes +and hands and tongue and feet the noble uses of the kingdom of God. Even +from these children's stories the thought of the discipline of suffering +was not absent, and _Mr. Pain_, as many mothers will remember, figures +among Little Susy's Six Teachers. With the same pure and wholesome +lessons, and with the same easy vivacity she appealed to youth through +"The Flower of the Family," "The Percys," and "Nidworth," and it would +be hard to say by readers of what age was monopolised the interest +in "Aunt Jane's Hero," "Fred and Maria and Me," and those two little +gems--"The Story Lizzie Told," and "Gentleman Jim." + +While all her writings were _religious_ in the best sense, they were in +nothing more so than in their _cheerfulness_. They were not only happy +and hopeful in their general tone, but sparkled with her delicate and +sprightly humor. The children of her books were not religious puppets, +moving in time to the measured wisdom of their elders, but real children +of flesh and blood, acting and talking out their impish conceits, and in +nowise conspicuous by their precocious goodness. + +I think that those who knew her best in her literary relations, will +agree with me that no better type of a consecrated literary talent can +be found in the lists of authors. She received enough evidences of +popular appreciation to have turned the heads of many writers. Over +200,000 bound volumes of her books have been sold in this country alone, +to say nothing of the circulation in England, France, and Germany. She +was not displeased at success, as I suppose no one is--but success to +her meant doing good. She did not write for popularity, and her aversion +to having her own literary work mentioned to her was so well known +by her friends, that even those who wished to express to her their +gratitude for the good they had received from her books were constrained +to be silent. "While," says her publisher, "she was very sensitive to +any criticism based on a misconception or a perversion of her purpose, +never, in all my intercourse with her, did I discover the slightest +evidence of a spirit of literary pique, or pride, or ambition." + +In attempting to sum up the characteristics of her writings, time will +suffer me only to state the more prominent features without enlarging +upon details. + +First, and most prominent, was their _purpose_. Her pen moved always and +only under a sense of _duty_. She held her talent as a gift from God, +and consecrated it sacredly to the enforcement and diffusion of His +truth. If I may quote once more the words of her publisher in his +tribute to her memory--"her great desire and determination to educate +in the highest and best schools was never overlooked or forgotten. She +never, like many writers of religious fiction, caught the spirit of +sensationalism that is in the air, or sought for effects in unhealthy +portraiture, corrupt style, or unnatural combinations." + +Second, she was _unconventional_. Her writings were not religious in +any stereotyped, popular sense. Her characters were not stenciled. The +holiest of them were strongly and often amusingly individualized. She +did not try to make automatons to repeat religious commonplaces, but +actual men and women, through whose very peculiarities the Holy Spirit +revealed His presence and work. + +Third, I have already referred to her _sprightliness_. She had naturally +a keen sense of humor which overflowed both in her conversation and in +her books. She saw nothing in the nature of the faith she professed +which bade her lay violent hands on this propensity; and she once said +that if her religion could not stand her saying a funny thing now and +then it was not worth much. But, whatever she might say or write of this +character, one never felt that it betrayed any irreverent lightness +of spirit. The undertone of her life was so deeply reverential, so +thoroughly pervaded with adoring love for Christ, that it made itself +felt through all her lighter moods, like the ground-swell of the sea +through the sparkling ripples on the surface. + +Fourth, her style was easy, colloquial, never stilted or affected, +marked at times by an energy and incisiveness which betrayed earnest +thought and intense feeling. She aimed to impress the truth, not her +style, and therefore aimed at plainness and directness. Her hard common +sense, of which her books reveal a goodly share, was offset by her vivid +fancy which made even the region of fable tributary to the service of +truth. + +Fifth, her books were intensely _personal_; expressions, I mean, of her +own experience. Many of her characters and scenes are simple transcripts +of fact, and much of what she taught in song, was a repetition of what +she had learned in suffering. + +To go back once more to her office of consoler. She exercised this not +only through her books, but also through her personal ministries in +those large and widening circles which centred in her literary and +pastoral life. Those who were favored with her friendship in times of +sorrow found her a comforter indeed. Her letters, of which, at such +times, she was prodigal, were to many sore hearts as leaves from the +tree of life. She did not expect too much of a sufferer. She recognized +human weakness as well as divine strength. But in all her attempts at +consolation, side by side with her deep and true sympathy, went the +_lesson_ of the _harvest_ of sorrow. She was always pointing the mourner +_past_ the floods, to the high place above them--teaching him to +sing even amid the waves and billows--"the Lord will command His +loving-kindness"; "I shall yet praise Him for the help of His +countenance." "I knew," she wrote to a bereaved friend, "that God would +never afflict you so, if He had not something beautiful and blissful to +give in place of what He took." The insight which her writings revealed +into many and subtle aspects of sorrow, made her the recipient of hosts +of letters from strangers, opening to her their griefs, and asking her +counsel; and to all she gave freely and joyfully as far as her strength +and time and judgment would allow. There was a tonic vein mingling with +her comforts. Her touch was firm as well as tender. She knew the shoals +of morbid sentimentality which skirt the deeps of trouble, and sought to +pilot the sorrowing past the shoals to the shore. + +And now, having thus spoken of her preparation for God's work, the +work itself, and its fruits, how can we gather up and depict the many +personal traits and associations which crowd upon the memory? Of such +things how many are incapable of reproduction, their fine flavor +vanishing with the moment. How often that which most commends them to +remembrance lies in the glance of an eye, an inflection of the voice, an +expression of the face, which neither pen nor pencil can put on record. + +How many such recollections, for example, group themselves round that +beautiful home among the hills. How it bore her mark and was pervaded +with her presence, and seemed, more than any other spot, the appropriate +setting of her life. Now she was at her chamber window studying the ever +shifting lights and shadows on the hills; now rambling over the fields +and through the woods and returning with her hands laden with flowers +and grasses; now busy with her ferns in her garden; again beguiling the +hours with her pencil, or stealing away to develop some happy fancy +or fresh thought on which her mind had been working for days. And how +pleasant her talk. How she would dart off sometimes from the line of the +gravest theme into some quaint, mirth-provoking conceit. How many odd +things she had seen; of how many strange adventures she had partaken, +and how graphically and charmingly she told them. With what relish she +would bring forth some good thing saved up to tell to one who would +appreciate it; yet, on the other hand, how earnestly, how intelligently, +with what simplicity, with what eager delight would she pursue the +discussion of the deep things of God. Nor was her home merely a place of +rest and retirement. Its doors were ever wide open to congenial spirits, +and also to some of Christ's poor, to whom the healing breath of the +mountains and the rare sights and sounds of country life were as gifts +from heaven. In that little community she was not content to be a mere +summer idler. There, too, she pursued her ministry of comfort and of +instruction. Eternity alone will reveal the fruitage of the seeds she +sowed in her weekly Bible-reading, to which the women came for miles +over the mountain roads, through storm and through sunshine. + +And here the end came. Death, if a surprise at all to her, could only be +a pleasant surprise. In one of her stories an old family servant says +of her departed mistress: "Often's the time I've heard her talk about +dying, and I mind a time when she thought she was going, and there was +a light in her eye, and it was just as she looked when she said, 'Mary, +I'm going to be married.'" It was a leaf out of her own life. She had +marked in one of her books of devotion a passage which, I imagine, +summed up her view of the whole matter: "A true Christian is neither +fond of life nor weary of it." She had no sentimental disgust with life, +but her overmastering desire was to see and be like her Lord, and death +was the entrance gate to that perfect vision. Only the opening of that +portal could bring the full answer to her prayer of years, "I beseech +Thee, show me Thy glory." In this attitude the messenger found her. I +will not dwell on the closing scenes.... It is pleasanter to turn from +that long, weary Sabbath, when nature in its perfect beauty and repose +seemed to mock the bitter agony of the death-chamber, to the hour when, +with the first full brightness of the morning, the silver cord was +loosed, and she was present with the Lord. Surely it was something more +than an accidental coincidence that, in the little "Daily Food," which +for nearly forty years had been her closet companion, the passage for +the 13th of August was: "I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, +Write, blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: yea, +saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works +do follow them." That summer afternoon when she was laid to rest had a +brightness which was not all of the glories of the setting sun, as he +burst forth from the encircling clouds, and touched with his parting +splendor the gates of the grave. Nature, with its fulness of summer +life, was set in the key of the resurrection by the assurance of her +victory over death, and it was with a new and mighty sense of their +truth that we spoke over her ashes the words of the Apostle: "It is sown +in corruption, it is raised in incorruption; it is sown in dishonor, it +is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is +sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. O death, where is +thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?" + +So now, as then, _more_ even than then, since these months have given us +time to study the lesson of that life and the sources of its power, we +give thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord; thanks for the divine +processes which moulded a daughter of consolation; thanks for the +fountains of comfort opened by her along life's highways and which +continue to flow while she sleeps in Jesus; thanks for a good and +fruitful life ended "in the communion of the Holy Catholic Church, in +the confidence of a certain faith, in the comfort of a reasonable, +religious, and holy hope, in charity with all mankind, and in peace with +God." + + * * * * * + +I. + +A List of Mrs. Prentiss' Writings, with notices of some of them and the +dates of their publication: + + +1. _Little Susy's Six Birthdays._ 1853. + +2. _Only a Dandelion, and other Stories._ 1854. + +The first piece, from which the little book takes its name, was written +at the time, and is not excelled by anything of the kind written by Mrs. +Prentiss. Spring Breeze is as fresh and delicate as a May flower. The +other stories are mostly a selection from her early contributions to The +Youth's Companion. + +3. _Henry and Bessie; or, What they did in the Country._ 1855. + +4. _Little Susy's Six Teachers._ 1856. + +5. _Little Susy's Little Servants._ 1856. + +The three Little Susy books were republished in England, where they seem +to have been as popular among the children as at home. Not far from +50,000 copies have been sold in this country. + +6. _The Flower of the Family._ A Book for Girls. 1856. + +This work has had a wide circulation at home and abroad. Some 19,000 +copies have been sold here. The following is the title-page of one of +the French editions: + + * * * * * + + Le Fleur de La Famille + ou + Simple Histoire pour Les + Jeunes Filles. + + Ouvrage Americain. + + Cinquieme edition. + + Toulouse, + Societe des Livres Religieux. + 1877. + + * * * * * + +Die Perle der Familie is the German title. Here are a few sentences from +a highly laudatory notice in the well-known "Neue Preuss. Zeitung": + +In ausserordentlicher lieblicher und sinniger Weise wird uns ein +haeusliches, schlichtes, von edlem Christlichen Sinn getragenes Familien- +leben forgefuehrt, das durch seine treffliche Characterschilderung unser +lebhaftestes Interesse flir jedes Glied des kinderreichen Hauses in +Anspruch nimmt. Es ist im eigentlichsten Sinne ein Buch fuer die Familie. + +_The Flower of the Family_ was translated into German,--as were also +_Stepping Heavenward, The Percys, Fred and Maria and Me_,--by Miss Marie +Morgenstern, of Goettingen. Some omissions in the version of _Stepping +Heavenward_ mar a little the vivacity of the book; but otherwise her +work seems to have been very carefully and well done, and to have met +with the warm approval of the German public. + +7. _Peterchen and Gretchen; or, Tales of Early Childhood._ 1860. + +This is a translation from the German. + +8. _The Little Preacher._ 1867. + +One of the most striking of her smaller works. It has throughout the +flavor of German peasant life and of the Black Forest. But it seems +never to have found its way across the sea. + +9. _Little Threads; or, Tangle Thread, Silver Thread, and Golden +Thread._ 1868. + +The aim of _Little Threads_ is happily indicated in its closing +sentences: + +If you find that you like to have your own way a good deal better than +you like your mamma to have hers; if you pout and cry when you can not +do as you please; if you never own that you are in the wrong, and are +sorry for it; never, in short, try with all your might to be docile and +gentle, then your name is Tangle Thread, and you may depend you cost +your mamma many sorrowful hours and many tears. And the best thing you +can do is to go away by yourself and pray to Jesus to make you see how +naughty you are, and to make you humble and sorry. Then the old and +soiled thread that can be seen in your mother's life will disappear, and +in its place there will come first a silver, and by and by, with time +and patience, and God's loving help, a sparkling and beautiful golden +one. And do you know of anything in this world you should rather be than +Somebody's Golden Thread?--especially the Golden Thread of your dear +mamma, who has loved you so many years, who has prayed for you so many +years, and who longs so to see you gentle and docile like Him of whom it +was said: "Behold the _Lamb_ of God!" + +_Little Threads_ is based upon a very keen observation of both the dark +and the bright side of childhood. The allegory, in which its lessons are +wrought, is, perhaps, less simple and attractive than that of _Little +Susy's Six Teachers_, or that of _Little Susy's Little Servants_; but +the lessons themselves are full of the sweetest wisdom, pathos, and +beauty. + +10. _Little Lou's Sayings and Doings_. 1868. + +Among the papers of her sister, Mrs. Prentiss found a journal containing +numerous little incidents in the early life of her only child, together +with more or less of his boyish sayings. Much of the material found in +this journal was used in the composition of _Little Lou_; and that is +one thing that gives it such an air of perfect reality. + +11. _Fred and Maria and Me._ 1868. + +12. _The Old Brown Pitcher._ 1868. + +This is a temperance tale. It was written at the request of the National +Temperance Society and issued for their press. + +_13. Stepping Heavenward. 1869._ + +Some interesting details respecting this work have been given already. +Its circulation has been very large, both at home and abroad; far +greater than that of any other of Mrs. Prentiss' books. More than 67,000 +copies of it have been sold in this country; while in England it was +issued by several houses, and tens of thousands of copies have been +sold there, in Canada, in Australia, and in other parts of the British +dominions. + +Among the English houses that republished _Stepping Heavenward_, were +James Nisbet & Co.; Ward, Lock & Co.; Frederick Warne & Co.; Thomas +Nelson & Sons, London and Edinburgh; Milner & Co.; Weldon & Co. An +edition by the last-named house, neatly printed and intended specially +for circulation in Canada and Australia, as well as at home, was sold at +fivepence, so that the very poorest could buy it. No accurate estimate +can be formed of the number of copies circulated in Great Britain and +its dependencies, but it must have been enormous. It was also issued at +Leipsic, by Tauchnitz, in his famous "Collection of British Authors." +The German translation has already passed into a fourth edition--a +remarkable proof of its popularity. In the preface to this edition Miss +Morgenstern, the translator, says: "So moege sie denn hinausziehen in die +Welt, diese vierte Auflage, moege wiederum aufklopfen an die Stuben +und Herzenthueren, der deutschen Lesewelt, und nachdem ihr aufgethan, +hineintragen in die Stuben und Herzen, was ihre Vorgaengerinnen +hineintrugen;--Freude und Rath und Trost." Nowhere has the work won +higher, or more discriminating, praise than in Germany. The following +extract from one of the critical notices of it may serve as an instance: + +In Form von Tagebuch--Aufzeichnungen, somit Selbstbekenntnissen, +wird uns das Leben einer Frau erzaelt, welche--ohne andere _aeussere_ +Schickungen freudiger und trueber Art, als sie in _jedem_ Leben +vorzukommen pflegen--aus einem zwar gutartigen und wohlbegabten aber +Susserst reizbaren und leidenshaftlich erregten Muedchen zu einer +gelaeuterten Juengerin des Herrn heranreift. Was aber dies Buch zu einem +wahren Kleinod macht, das ish nicht die ueberaus wahre und tiefe Analyse +jener menschlichen Suende, Suendenschwachheit und Eitelkeit, die sich auch +in die froemmsten Regungen einuschleichen sucht, sondern die Angabe des +wahren Heilmittels. Der goldne Faden naemlich, der sich durch das ganze +Buch zieht, ist die Wahrheit; Nicht _unser_ Rennen und Lanfen, sondern +_Sein_ Erbarmen! Nicht _wir_ haben _Ihn_ geliebt, sondern _Er_ hat _uns_ +geliebt, und daran haben _wir_ kindlich zu _glauben_. Sich _Ihm_ an +_Sein_ Herz werfen mit all unsern Schwaechen, all unser Armuth--das +_wirkt_--ja das _ist_ Heilung.... Das Ganze ist im hoechsten Grade +fesselnd. Man lebt sich unwillkuerlich in dies christliche Hauswesen mit +ein, und glaubt in vielen Zuegen einen Spiegel des eigenen zu erkennen. +[14] + +The title-page of the French translation is as follows: + + * * * * * + + MARCHANT + VERS LE CIEL. + par + E. PRENTISS. + + Auteur de _La Fleur de la Famille_, etc. + Traduit de L'Anglais avec + L'Autorization de L'Auteur. + Lausanne: + Georges Bridel, Editeur. + + * * * * * + +The following extract from a letter of Madame de Fressense, dated Paris, +July 18, 1882, will show what impression the work made not only upon +the gifted and accomplished writer, but upon many other of the most +cultivated Christian women of France and Switzerland: + +C'est un livre qui fait aimer celle qui y a mis son ame, une etude du +coeur humain bien vraie et bien delicate. L'amour de Dieu deborde dans +ses pages charmantes, dont la lecture rechauffe le coeur. Je crois qu'il +a ete fort apprecie dans nos pays de langue francaise. Une personne dont +toute la vie est un service de ceux qui souffrent me disait l'autre +jour: "C'est _mon_ livre, il m'a fait beaucoup de bien." + +Le nombre d'editions qu'a atteint la traduction francaise teemoigne +qu'il a eu du succes, et je suis sure que beaucoup de personnes ont +prefere, avec raison, le lire dans l'original. + +Je suis heureuse que vous m'avez donne l'occasion de le relire, et d'en +eprouver de nouveau la bienfaisante influence.... + +Ce serait un vrai privilege de pouvoir faire connaitre a notre public +francais cette femme aussi distinguee par le coeur que par l'esprit, que +nous aimons tous. + +14. _Nidworth, and his three Magic Wands._ 1869. + +The three Magic Wands are: Riches, Knowledge, and Love; and in depicting +their peculiar and wonderful virtues Mrs. Prentiss has wrought into the +story with much skill her own theory of a happy life. She wrote the +book with intense delight, and its strange, weird-like scenes and +characters--the home in the forest; Dolman, the poor woodcutter; Cinda, +his tall and strong-minded wife; Nidworth, their first-born; wandering +Hidda, boding ill-luck; the hermit; these and all the rest--seemed to +her, for a while, almost as real as if she had copied them from life. + +Its publishers (Roberts Brothers) pronounced _Nidworth_ "a gem" and were +not a little surprised at its failure to strike the popular fancy. It +certainly contains some of the author's brightest pictures of life and +character. + +15. _The Percys._ 1870. + +This work was translated into French and German, and won warm praise in +both languages. It is full of spirit, depicts real boys and girls and +a loving Christian mother with equal skill, and abounds in the best +lessons of domestic peace. + +16. _The Story Lizzie Told._ 1870. + +17. _Six Little Princesses and what they turned into._ 1871. + +No one of Mrs. Prentiss' lesser works betrays a keener insight into +character or a finer touch than this. Its aim is to illustrate the truth +that all girls are endowed with their own individual talents; and to +enforce the twofold lesson, that the diligent use of these talents, on +the one hand, can furnish innocent pleasures beyond the reach of any +outward position, however brilliant; and, on the other, is the best +preparation for the day of adversity. + +The closing sentences of the story will give an inkling of its aim and +quality: + +"I see how it is," said the Countess. "You must live together. Each +feels herself incomplete without the others. Novella needs somebody to +take care of her and somebody to love. In return, she will give love and +endless entertainment. Reima, too, needs looking after, and some one +will watch with a friendly eye the growth of her paintings. Our two +musicians must not become one-sided by thinking only of melody and +song. They must enjoy being clothed by Moina's kind hands, listening to +Novella's poems, and discussing Reima's works. And you must train all +your ears to appreciate the talents of these two marvellous creatures +who sing and play with such rare, such exquisite harmony." + +"And what shall I do?" cried Delicieuse. + +"You shall do a little of everything, dear child. You shall help Moina +to guide the house, and Reima to mix the colors. You shall take care +that the piano is never out of tune, or Novella at a loss for pens and +paper. In a word, you shall be what you always have been, always ready +with the oil of gladness, wherever you see friction, the sweetest, the +most lovable creature in the world." + +Delicieuse smiled, and ran to embrace all her sisters, hardly knowing +which she loved best. + +It was not long before those royal maidens, royal only in their virtues +and their talents, found themselves in a home in a vine-clad land, where +each could live as Nature had designed she should live. + +Moina, whose practical skill was not confined to her needle, kept the +house with such exquisite care and neatness, that her sisters preferred +it to a palace. She found happiness in forgetting herself, in her pride +in them, and in the freedom from petty cares from which she shielded +them. Her calm, serene character was a continual repose to the varying +moods of Reima and Novella; a balance-wheel to works that, running fast, +often ran irregularly. Reima studied the old masters with no need for +further travel, for her home lay among their works. + +Mosella and Papeta composed music, made Delicieuse listen to and +admire it when other hearers were wanting, and were satisfied with her +criticisms. + +Novella wrote books, and had her frenzies. She had her gentle and her +gay moods, also, and made laughter ring through the house at her will. +Not one of these four was conscious of her powers, or asked for fame. +Nor did their aristocratic breeding make them ashamed to work for their +bread. They even fancied that bread thus won, needed less butter to help +it down, than that of charity. + +As to Delicieuse, she was the bright, the golden link that bound the +household together in peace and harmony. Her smiles, her caresses, the +love that flowed forth from her as from a living fountain, made their +home glad with perpetual sunshine. Thank God for the gifts of genius He +has scattered abroad with a bountiful hand; but thank Him also that, +without such gifts, one may become a joy and a benediction! + +18. _Aunt Jane's Hero_. 1871. + +This work was at once republished in England and appeared also in a +French version. + +19. _Golden Hours: Hymns and Songs of the Christian Life_. 1873. + +Several of the pieces in this volume had already appeared; among them +"More Love to Thee, O Christ." This hymn has passed into most of the +later collections. It was translated into Arabic, and is sung in the +land once trodden by the blessed feet of Him whose name it adores, and +throughout the East. + +20. _Urbane and His Friends_. 1874. + +This work was reprinted in England. + +21. _Griselda: A Dramatic Poem in Five Acts_. Translated from the German +of Friedrich Halm (Baron Muench-Bellinghausen). 1876. + +Mrs. Prentiss supposed that hers was the first English version of this +poem. But there is a translation by Sir R. A. Anstruther, which appeared +in London as early as 1840 and in a new edition four years later. All +attempts to obtain a copy of this translation in New York, or from +London, have proved futile. + +22. _The Home at Greylock_. 1876. + +The following extract from a letter of the author of the French +translation to Mrs. Prentiss deserves a place here: + +MADAME,--Vous savez sans doute que, sans votre autorisation, une plume, +bien hardie peut-etre, mais pleine de zele et de respect pour vous, +s'est mise a traduire un de vos ouvrages, "The Home at Greylock." Sans +votre autorisation! Etait-ce bien? etait-ce mal? Je me le suis demande +plus d'une fois et je vous l'aurais demande, Madame, si j'avais su votre +adresse assez tot. + +L'editeur m'a mis la conscience a l'aise en m'assurant que le droit +etait le meme pour tous, et que les auteurs americains ne pouvaient +conceder de privilege a qui que ce fut. Forte de cette assurance, je me +mis a l'oeuvre, mais j'avoue que j'eus besoin d'encouragements reiteres +pour mener mon travail a bonne fin. Encore un mot d'explication, si vous +le permittez, Madame. Je ne suis pas mere, mais je suis tante; j'ai vu +naitre mes neveux et nieces, je les ai berces dans mes bras, j'ai veille +sur leurs premiers pas, j'ai observe le developpement graduel de leur +coeur et de leur intelligence, j'ai senti a fond combien l'oeuvre +de l'education est serieuse et combien il importe d'etre discipline +soi-meme par le Seigneur pour discipliner les petits confies a nos +soins. Il n'est done pas etonnant que votre livre m'ait vivement +interessee et que j'aie voulu le mettre a la portee d'un grand nombre. +Cela eut ete fait tut ou tard par d'autres, je ne l'ignore point; mais +j'avais envie d'essayer mes forces, et.... l'occasion a fait le larron. +Ne seriez-vous pas ma complice, Madame?... + +M'appuyant sur votre bienveillame et sur la fraternite qui unit les ames +dans le Seigneur, je vous prie, Madame, de ne pas me considerer comme +une etrangere et d'agreer l'expression de mon estime et mes voeux en +Christ. + +23. _Pemaquid; a Story of Old Times in New England._ 1877. + +24. _Gentleman Jim_. 1878. + +This little story was the last production of her pen and appeared a few +days only after her death. + +25. _Avis Benson; or, Mine and Thine, with other Sketches_. 1879. + +This is a collection of pieces that had already appeared in the Chicago +Advance and in the New York Observer. It met with a cordial welcome and +has had a large circulation. + +Some of the readers of Mrs. Prentiss' books may be glad to see a +specimen of her handwriting. The following is a fac-simile of the +closing part of a letter to her cousin, Miss Shipman, written at Dorset +in 1867: + +[Illustration: Handwriting Sample] + + +[1] B. J. Lossing, L.L.D., in the Christian Union of Oct. 15, 1879. + +[2] B. J. Lossing in The Christian Union. + +[3] Mr. Nathaniel Willis, then in his 76th year. He died at Boston, May +26, 1870, in the 90th year of his age. + +[4] Sickness: its Trials and Blessings. A very wise and comforting book. +She bequeathed it back to Mrs. Prentiss at her death. + +[5] To aid in defending it against the "Border-Ruffians." + +[6] Mrs. Prentiss was on her way to Europe. Before sailing she went to +Williamstown to say good-bye to her sister, but the latter was too ill +to see her. They never met again on earth. + +[7] Referring to the family of Rev. Wm. James, D.D., of Albany. + +[8] Sent from Genevrier. + +[9] N. P. Willis. + +[10] The Boston Recorder and The Youth's Companion. + +[11] The late George Ripley, the eminent scholar and critic, is referred +to. In a letter, dated New York, Nov. 20, 1879, Mr. Ripley writes: + +"I beg you to accept, dear Dr. Prentiss, my most cordial thanks for +your kindness in sending me the extract from Miss Payson's journal. I +remember perfectly the visits of the young German enthusiast to my house +in Boston and the great pleasure they always gave to my wife and myself. +My acquaintance with her, I think, was through Mr. Tappan's family, of +which your former parishioner and my dear friend and classmate, Thomas +Denny, afterward became a member. With my infatuation for New England +people and New England biography and genealogy and literary endeavor, +it would give me great delight to be permitted to see Miss Payson's +journal." + +The journal was sent to Dr. Ripley and read by him with great pleasure. +The incident led to the renewal of an old acquaintance and to repeated +visits at his residence--one shortly before his death--which left upon +the writer a strong impression of his deep interest in theological and +religious truth, as well as of his genial temper and remarkable literary +accomplishments. + +[12] The late Rev. John Adams Albro, D.D., of Cambridge. + +[13] Leonard Woods, Jr., D.D., then President of Bowdoin College. + +[14] Allgemeiner literarischer Anzeiger fuer das evangelische +Deutschland, Jan., 1873. + + +[Illustration: Dorset Mountains.] + +[Illustration: A View of Chateau d'Oex.] + +[Illustration: La Maison des Bains.] + +[Illustration: The Old Mill and Pond.] + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Life and Letters of Elizabeth +Prentiss, by George L. 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