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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11479 ***
+
+DEEP WATERS
+
+By W.W. JACOBS
+
+
+
+
+THE SUBSTITUTE
+
+The night watchman had just returned to the office fire after leaving it
+to attend a ring at the wharf bell.  He sat for some time puffing
+fiercely at his pipe and breathing heavily.
+
+"Boys!" he said, at last.  "That's the third time this week, and yet if I
+was to catch one and skin 'im alive I suppose I should get into trouble
+over it.  Even 'is own father and mother would make a fuss, most like.
+Some people have boys, and other people 'ave the trouble of 'em.  Our
+street's full of 'em, and the way they carry on would make a monkey-'ouse
+ashamed of itself.  The man next door to me's got seven of 'em, and when
+I spoke to 'im friendly about it over a pint one night, he put the blame
+on 'is wife.
+
+"The worst boy I ever knew used to be office-boy in this 'ere office, and
+I can't understand now why I wasn't 'ung for him.  Undersized little chap
+he was, with a face the colour o' bad pie-crust, and two little black
+eyes like shoe-buttons.  To see 'im with his little white cuffs, and a
+stand-up collar, and a little black bow, and a little bowler-'at, was
+enough to make a cat laugh.  I told 'im so one day, and arter that we
+knew where we was.  Both of us.
+
+"By rights he ought to 'ave left the office at six--just my time for
+coming on.  As it was, he used to stay late, purtending to work 'ard so
+as to get a rise.  Arter all the clerks 'ad gorn 'ome he used to sit
+perched up on a stool yards too 'igh for him, with one eye on the ledger
+and the other looking through the winder at me.  I remember once going
+off for 'arf a pint, and when I come back I found 'im with a policeman,
+two carmen, and all the hands off of the Maid Marian, standing on the
+edge of the jetty, waiting for me to come up.  He said that, not finding
+me on the wharf, 'e made sure that I must 'ave tumbled overboard, as he
+felt certain that I wouldn't neglect my dooty while there was breath in
+my body; but 'e was sorry to find 'e was mistook.  He stood there talking
+like a little clergyman, until one of the carmen knocked his 'at over 'is
+eyes, and then he forgot 'imself for a bit.
+
+"Arter that I used to wait until he 'ad gorn afore I 'ad my arf-pint.  I
+didn't want my good name taken away, and I had to be careful, and many's
+the good arf-pint I 'ad to refuse because that little imitation monkey
+was sitting in the office drawing faces on 'is blotting-paper.  But
+sometimes it don't matter 'ow careful you are, you make a mistake.
+
+"There was a little steamer, called the Eastern Monarch, used to come up
+here in them days, once a week.  Fat little tub she was, with a crew o'
+fattish old men, and a skipper that I didn't like.  He'd been in the
+coasting trade all 'is life, while I've knocked about all over the world,
+but to hear 'im talk you'd think he knew more about things than I did.
+
+"Eddication, Bill,' he ses one evening, 'that's the thing!  You can't
+argufy without it; you only talk foolish, like you are doing now.'
+
+"'There's eddication and there's common sense,' I ses.  'Some people 'as
+one and some people 'as the other.  Give me common sense.'
+
+"'That's wot you want,' he ses, nodding.
+
+"'And, o' course,' I ses, looking at 'im, 'there's some people 'asn't got
+either one or the other.'
+
+"The office-boy came out of the office afore he could think of an answer,
+and the pair of 'em stood there talking to show off their cleverness,
+till their tongues ached.  I took up my broom and went on sweeping, and
+they was so busy talking long words they didn't know the meaning of to
+each other that they was arf choked with dust afore they noticed it.
+When they did notice it they left off using long words, and the skipper
+tried to hurt my feelings with a few short ones 'e knew.
+
+"'It's no good wasting your breath on 'im,' ses the boy.  'You might as
+well talk to a beer-barrel.'
+
+"He went off, dusting 'imself down with his little pocket-'ankercher, and
+arter the skipper 'ad told me wot he'd like to do, only he was too sorry
+for me to do it, 'e went back to the ship to put on a clean collar, and
+went off for the evening.
+
+"He always used to go off by hisself of a evening, and I used to wonder
+'ow he passed the time.  Then one night I found out.
+
+"I had just come out of the Bear's Head, and stopped to look round afore
+going back to the wharf, when I see a couple o' people standing on the
+swing-bridge saying 'Good-bye' to each other.  One of 'em was a man and
+the other wasn't.
+
+"'Evening, cap'n,' I ses, as he came towards me, and gave a little start.
+'I didn't know you 'ad brought your missis up with you this trip.'
+
+"'Evening, Bill,' he ses, very peaceful.  'Wot a lovely evening!'
+
+"'Bee-utiful!' I ses.
+
+"'So fresh,' ses the skipper, sniffing in some of the air.
+
+"'Makes you feel quite young agin,' I ses.
+
+"He didn't say nothing to that, except to look at me out of the corner of
+'is eye; and stepping on to the wharf had another look at the sky to
+admire it, and then went aboard his ship.  If he 'ad only stood me a
+pint, and trusted me, things might ha' turned out different.
+
+"Quite by chance I happened to be in the Bear's Head a week arterwards,
+and, quite by chance, as I came out I saw the skipper saying 'Good-bye'
+on the bridge agin.  He seemed to be put out about something, and when I
+said 'Wot a lovely evening it would be if only it wasn't raining 'ard!'
+he said something about knocking my 'ead off.
+
+"'And you keep your nose out o' my bisness,' he ses, very fierce.
+
+"'Your bisness!' I ses.  'Wot bisness?'
+
+"'There's some people as might like to know that you leave the wharf to
+look arter itself while you're sitting in a pub swilling gallons and
+gallons o' beer,' he ses, in a nasty sort o' way.  'Live and let live,
+that's my motter."
+
+"'I don't know wot you're talking about,' I ses, 'but it don't matter
+anyways.  I've got a clear conscience; that's the main thing.  I'm as
+open as the day, and there's nothing about me that I'd mind anybody
+knowing.  Wot a pity it is everybody can't say the same!'
+
+"I didn't see 'im saying 'Good-bye' the next week or the week arter that
+either, but the third week, arter just calling in at the Bear's Head, I
+strolled on casual-like and got as far as the bottom of Tower Hill afore
+I remembered myself.  Turning the corner, I a'most fell over the skipper,
+wot was right in the fair way, shaking 'ands with his lady-friend under
+the lamp-post.  Both of 'em started, and I couldn't make up my mind which
+gave me the most unpleasant look.
+
+"'Peep-bo!' I ses, cheerful-like.
+
+"He stood making a gobbling noise at me, like a turkey.
+
+"'Give me quite a start, you did,' I ses.  'I didn't dream of you being
+there.'
+
+"'Get off!' he ses, spluttering.  'Get off, afore I tear you limb from
+limb!  'Ow dare you follow me about and come spying round corners at me?
+Wot d'ye mean by it?'
+
+"I stood there with my arms folded acrost my chest, as calm as a
+cucumber.  The other party stood there watching us, and wot 'e could 'ave
+seen in her, I can't think.  She was dressed more like a man than a
+woman, and it would have taken the good looks of twenty like her to 'ave
+made one barmaid.  I stood looking at 'er like a man in a dream.
+
+"'Well, will you know me agin?' she ses, in a nasty cracked sort of
+voice.
+
+"'I could pick you out of a million,' I ses--'if I wanted to.'
+
+"'Clear out!' ses the skipper.  'Clear out!  And thank your stars there's
+a lady present.'
+
+"'Don't take no notice of 'im, Captain Pratt,' ses the lady.  'He's
+beneath you.  You only encourage people like that by taking notice of
+'em.  Good-bye.'
+
+"She held out her 'and, and while the skipper was shaking it I began to
+walk back to the wharf.  I 'adn't gorn far afore I heard 'im coming up
+behind me, and next moment 'e was walking alongside and saying things to
+try and make me lose my temper.
+
+"'Ah, it's a pity your pore missis can't 'ear you!' I ses.  'I expect she
+thinks you are stowed away in your bunk dreaming of 'er, instead of
+saying things about a face as don't belong to you.'
+
+"'You mind your bisness,' he ses, shouting.  'And not so much about my
+missis!  D'ye hear?  Wot's it got to do with you?  Who asked you to shove
+your oar in?'
+
+"'You're quite mistook,' I ses, very calm.  'I'd no idea that there was
+anything on as shouldn't be.  I was never more surprised in my life.  If
+anybody 'ad told me, I shouldn't 'ave believed 'em.  I couldn't.  Knowing
+you, and knowing 'ow respectable you 'ave always purtended to be, and
+also and likewise that you ain't no chicken----'
+
+"I thought 'e was going to 'ave a fit.  He 'opped about, waving his arms
+and stuttering and going on in such a silly way that I didn't like to be
+seen with 'im.  Twice he knocked my 'at off, and arter telling him wot
+would 'appen if 'e did it agin, I walked off and left him.
+
+"Even then 'e wasn't satisfied, and arter coming on to the wharf and
+following me up and down like a little dog, he got in front of me and
+told me some more things he 'ad thought of.
+
+"'If I catch you spying on me agin,' he ses, 'you'll wish you'd never
+been born!'
+
+"'You get aboard and 'ave a quiet sleep,' I ses.  'You're wandering in
+your mind.'
+
+"'The lady you saw me with,' he ses, looking at me very fierce, 'is a
+friend o' mine that I meet sometimes for the sake of her talk.'
+
+"'Talk!' I ses, staring at 'im.  'Talk!  Wot, can't one woman talk enough
+for you?  Is your missis dumb? or wot?'
+
+"'You don't understand,' he ses, cocking up 'is nose at me.  'She's a
+interleckshal woman; full of eddication and information.  When my missis
+talks, she talks about the price o' things and says she must 'ave more
+money.  Or else she talks about things I've done, or sometimes things I
+'aven't done.  It's all one to her.  There's no pleasure in that sort o'
+talk.  It don't help a man.'
+
+"'I never 'eard of any talk as did,' I ses.
+
+"'I don't suppose you did,' he ses, sneering-like.  'Now, to-night, fust
+of all, we talked about the House of Lords and whether it ought to be
+allowed; and arter that she gave me quite a little lecture on insecks.'
+
+"'It don't seem proper to me,' I ses.  'I 'ave spoke to my wife about 'em
+once or twice, but I should no more think of talking about such things to
+a single lady----'
+
+"He began to jump about agin as if I'd bit 'im, and he 'ad so much to say
+about my 'ed and blocks of wood that I pretty near lost my temper.  I
+should ha' lost it with some men, but 'e was a very stiff-built chap and
+as hard as nails.
+
+"'Beer's your trouble,' he ses, at last.  'Fust of all you put it down,
+and then it climbs up and soaks wot little brains you've got.  Wot you
+want is a kind friend to prevent you from getting it.'
+
+"I don't know wot it was, but I 'ad a sort of sinking feeling inside as
+'e spoke, and next evening, when I saw 'im walk to the end of the jetty
+with the office-boy and stand there talking to 'im with his 'and on his
+shoulder, it came on worse than ever.  And I put two and two together
+when the guv'nor came up to me next day, and, arter talking about 'dooty'
+and 'ow easy it was to get night-watchmen, mentioned in 'a off-'and sort
+of way that, if I left the wharf at all between six and six, I could stay
+away altogether.
+
+"I didn't answer 'im a word.  I might ha' told 'im that there was plenty
+of people arter me ready to give me double the money, but I knew he could
+never get anybody to do their dooty by the wharf like I 'ad done, so I
+kept quiet.  It's the way I treat my missis nowadays, and it pays; in the
+old days I used to waste my breath answering 'er back.
+
+"I wouldn't ha' minded so much if it 'adn't ha' been for that boy.  He
+used to pass me, as 'e went off of a evening, with a little sly smile on
+'is ugly little face, and sometimes when I was standing at the gate he'd
+give a sniff or two and say that he could smell beer, and he supposed it
+came from the Bear's Head.
+
+"It was about three weeks arter the guv'nor 'ad forgot 'imself, and I was
+standing by the gate one evening, when I saw a woman coming along
+carrying a big bag in her 'and.  I 'adn't seen 'er afore, and when she
+stopped in front of me and smiled I was on my guard at once.  I don't
+smile at other people, and I don't expect them to smile at me.
+
+"'At last!' she ses, setting down 'er bag and giving me another smile.
+'I thought I was never going to get 'ere."
+
+"I coughed and backed inside a little bit on to my own ground.  I didn't
+want to 'ave that little beast of a office-boy spreading tales about me.
+
+"'I've come up to 'ave a little fling,' she ses, smiling away harder than
+ever.  'My husband don't know I'm 'ere.  He thinks I'm at 'ome.'
+
+"I think I went back pretty near three yards.
+
+"'I come up by train,' she ses, nodding.
+
+"'Yes,' I ses, very severe, 'and wot about going back by it?'
+
+"'Oh, I shall go back by ship,' she ses.  'Wot time do you expect the
+Eastern Monarch up?'
+
+"'Well,' I ses, 'ardly knowing wot to make of 'er, 'she ought to be up
+this tide; but there's no reckoning on wot an old washtub with a engine
+like a sewing-machine inside 'er will do.'
+
+"'Oh, indeed!' she ses, leaving off smiling very sudden.  'Oh, indeed!
+My husband might 'ave something to say about that.'
+
+"'Your 'usband?' I ses.
+
+"'Captain Pratt,' she ses, drawing 'erself up.  'I'm Mrs. Pratt.  He left
+yesterday morning, and I've come up 'ere by train to give 'im a little
+surprise.'
+
+"You might ha' knocked me down with a feather, and I stood there staring
+at her with my mouth open, trying to think.
+
+"'Take care,' I ses at last.  'Take care as you don't give 'im too much
+of a surprise!'
+
+"'Wot do you mean?' she ses, firing up.
+
+"'Nothing,' I ses.  'Nothing, only I've known 'usbands in my time as
+didn't like being surprised--that's all.  If you take my advice, you'll
+go straight back home agin.'
+
+"'I'll tell 'im wot you say,' she ses, 'as soon as 'is ship comes in.'
+
+"That's a woman all over; the moment they get into a temper they want to
+hurt somebody; and I made up my mind at once that, if anybody was going
+to be 'urt, it wasn't me.  And, besides, I thought it might be for the
+skipper's good--in the long run.
+
+"I broke it to her as gentle as I could.  I didn't tell 'er much, I just
+gave her a few 'ints.  Just enough to make her ask for more.
+
+"'And mind,' I ses, 'I don't want to be brought into it.  If you should
+'appen to take a fancy into your 'ed to wait behind a pile of empties
+till the ship comes in, and then slip out and foller your 'usband and
+give 'im the little surprise you spoke of, it's nothing to do with me.'
+
+"'I understand,' she ses, biting her lip.  'There's no need for 'im to
+know that I've been on the wharf at all.'
+
+"I gave 'er a smile--I thought she deserved it--but she didn't smile
+back.  She was rather a nice-looking woman in the ordinary way, but I
+could easy see 'ow temper spoils a woman's looks.  She stood there giving
+little shivers and looking as if she wanted to bite somebody.
+
+"'I'll go and hide now,' she ses.
+
+"'Not yet,' I ses.  'You'll 'ave to wait till that little blackbeetle in
+the office 'as gorn.' 'Blackbeetle?' she ses, staring.
+
+"'Office-boy,' I ses.  'He'd better not see you at all.  S'pose you go
+off for a bit and come back when I whistle?'
+
+"Afore she could answer the boy came out of the office, ready to go 'ome.
+He gave a little bit of a start when 'e saw me talking to a lady, and
+then 'e nips down sudden, about a couple o' yards away, and begins to do
+'is bootlace up.  It took 'im some time, because he 'ad to undo it fust,
+but 'e finished it at last, and arter a quick look at Mrs. Pratt, and one
+at me that I could ha' smacked his 'ed for, 'e went off whistling and
+showing 'is little cuffs.
+
+"I stepped out into the road and watched 'im out o' sight.  Then I told
+Mrs. Pratt to pick up 'er bag and foller me.
+
+"As it 'appened there was a big pile of empties in the corner of the
+ware'ouse wall, just opposite the Eastern Monarch's berth.  It might ha'
+been made for the job, and, arter I 'ad tucked her away behind and given
+'er a box to sit on, I picked up my broom and began to make up for lost
+time.
+
+"She sat there as quiet as a cat watching a mouse'ole, and I was going on
+with my work, stopping every now and then to look and see whether the
+Monarch was in sight, when I 'appened to turn round and see the office-
+boy standing on the edge of the wharf with his back to the empties,
+looking down at the water.  I nearly dropped my broom.
+
+"''Ullo!' I ses, going up to 'im.  'I thought you 'ad gorn 'ome.'
+
+"'I was going,' he ses, with a nasty oily little smile, 'and then it
+struck me all of a sudden 'ow lonely it was for you all alone 'ere, and I
+come back to keep you company.'
+
+"He winked at something acrost the river as 'e spoke, and I stood there
+thinking my 'ardest wot was the best thing to be done.  I couldn't get
+Mrs. Pratt away while 'e was there; besides which I felt quite sartain
+she wouldn't go.  The only 'ope I 'ad was that he'd get tired of spying
+on me and go away before he found out she was 'iding on the wharf.
+
+"I walked off in a unconcerned way--not too far--and, with one eye on 'im
+and the other on where Mrs. Pratt was 'iding, went on with my work.
+There's nothing like 'ard work when a man is worried, and I was a'most
+forgetting my troubles, when I looked up and saw the Monarch coming up
+the river.
+
+"She turned to come into 'er berth, with the skipper shouting away on the
+bridge and making as much fuss as if 'e was berthing a liner.  I helped
+to make 'er fast, and the skipper, arter 'e had 'ad a good look round to
+see wot 'e could find fault with, went below to clean 'imself.
+
+"He was up agin in about ten minutes, with a clean collar and a clean
+face, and a blue neck-tie that looked as though it 'ad got yeller
+measles.  Good temper 'e was in, too, and arter pulling the office-boy's
+ear, gentle, as 'e was passing, he stopped for a moment to 'ave a word
+with 'im.
+
+"'Bit late, ain't you?' he ses.
+
+"'I've been keeping a eye on the watchman,' ses the boy.  'He works
+better when 'e knows there's somebody watching 'im.'
+
+"'Look 'ere!' I ses.  'You take yourself off; I've had about enough of
+you.  You take your little face 'ome and ask your mother to wipe its
+nose.  Strickly speaking, you've no right to be on the wharf at all at
+this time.'
+
+"'I've as much right as other people,' he ses, giving me a wicked look.
+'I've got more right than some people, p'r'aps.'
+
+"He stooped down deliberate and, picking up a bit o' coke from the 'eap
+by the crane, pitched it over at the empties.
+
+"'Stop that!' I ses, shouting at 'im.
+
+"'What for?' 'e ses, shying another piece.  'Why shouldn't I?'
+
+"'Cos I won't 'ave it,' I ses.  'D'ye hear?  Stop it!'
+
+"I rushed at 'im as he sent another piece over, and for the next two or
+three minutes 'e was dodging me and chucking coke at the empties, with
+the fool of a skipper standing by laughing, and two or three of the crew
+leaning over the side and cheering 'im on.
+
+"'All right,' he ses, at last, dusting 'is hands together.  'I've
+finished.  There's no need to make such a fuss over a bit of coke.'
+
+"'You've wasted pretty near arf a 'undered-weight,' I ses.  'I've a good
+mind to report you.'
+
+"'Don't do that, watchman!' he ses, in a pitiful voice.  'Don't do that!
+'Ere, I tell you wot I'll do.  I'll pick it all up agin.'
+
+"Afore I could move 'and or foot he 'ad shifted a couple o' cases out of
+'is way and was in among the empties.  I stood there dazed-like while two
+bits o' coke came flying back past my 'ed; then I 'eard a loud whistle,
+and 'e came out agin with 'is eyes rolling and 'is mouth wide open.
+
+"'Wot's the matter?' ses the skipper, staring at 'im.
+
+"'I--I--I'm sorry, watchman,' ses that beast of a boy, purtending 'e was
+'ardly able to speak.  'I'd no idea----'
+
+"'All right,' I ses, very quick.
+
+"'Wot's the matter?' ses the skipper agin; and as 'e spoke it came over
+me like a flash wot a false persition I was in, and wot a nasty-tempered
+man 'e could be when 'e liked.
+
+"'Why didn't you tell me you'd got a lady-friend there?' ses the boy,
+shaking his 'ed at me.  'Why, I might 'ave hit 'er with a bit o' coke,
+and never forgiven myself!'
+
+"'Lady-friend!' ses the skipper, with a start.  'Oh, Bill, I am
+surprised!'
+
+"My throat was so dry I couldn't 'ardly speak.  'It's my missis,' I ses,
+at last.
+
+"'Your missis?' ses the skipper.  'Woes she 'iding behind there for?'
+
+"'She--she's shy,' I ses.  'Always was, all 'er life.  She can't bear
+other people.  She likes to be alone with me.'
+
+"'Oh, watchman!' ses the boy.  'I wonder where you expect to go to?'
+
+"'Missis my grandmother!' ses the skipper, with a wink.  'I'm going to
+'ave a peep.'
+
+"'Stand back!' I ses, pushing 'im off.  'I don't spy on you, and I don't
+want you to come spying on me.  You get off!  D'ye hear me?  Get off!'
+
+"We had a bit of a struggle, till my foot slipped, and while I was waving
+my arms and trying to get my balance back 'e made a dash for the empties.
+Next moment he was roaring like a mad bull that 'ad sat down in a
+sorsepan of boiling water, and rushing back agin to kill me.
+
+"I believe that if it 'adn't ha' been for a couple o' lightermen wot 'ad
+just come on to the jetty from their skiff, and two of his own 'ands,
+he'd ha' done it.  Crazy with passion 'e was, and it was all the four of
+'em could do to hold 'im.  Every now and then he'd get a yard nearer to
+me, and then they'd pull 'im back a couple o' yards and beg of 'im to
+listen to reason and 'ear wot I 'ad to say.  And as soon as I started and
+began to tell 'em about 'is lady-friend he broke out worse than ever.
+People acrost the river must ha' wondered wot was 'appening.  There was
+two lightermen, two sailormen, me and the skipper, and Mrs. Pratt all
+talking at once, and nobody listening but the office-boy.  And in the
+middle of it all the wicket was pushed open and the 'ed of the lady wot
+all the trouble was about peeped in, and drew back agin.
+
+"'There you are!' I ses, shouting my 'ardest.  'There she is.  That's the
+lady I was telling you about.  Now, then: put 'em face to face and clear
+my character.  Don't let 'er escape.'
+
+"One o' the lightermen let go o' the skipper and went arter 'er, and,
+just as I was giving the other three a helping 'and, 'e came back with
+'er.  Mrs. Pratt caught 'er breath, and as for the skipper, 'e didn't
+know where to look, as the saying is.  I just saw the lady give 'im one
+quick look, and then afore I could dream of wot was coming, she rushes up
+to me and flings 'er long, bony arms round my neck.
+
+"'Why, William!' she ses, 'wot's the matter?  Why didn't you meet me?
+Didn't you get my letter?  Or 'ave you ceased to care for me?"
+
+"'Let go!' I ses, struggling.  'Let go!  D'ye 'ear?  Wot d'ye mean by it?
+You've got 'old of the wrong one.'
+
+"'Oh, 'William!' she ses, arf strangling me.  ''Ow can you talk to me like
+that?  Where's your 'art?'
+
+"I never knew a woman so strong.  I don't suppose she'd ever 'ad the
+chance of getting 'er arms round a man's neck afore, and she hung on to
+me as if she'd never let go.  And all the time I was trying to explain
+things to them over 'er shoulder I could see they didn't believe a word I
+was saying.  One o' the lightermen said I was a 'wonder,' and the other
+said I was a 'fair cough-drop.' Me!
+
+"She got tired of it at last, but by that time I was so done up I
+couldn't say a word.  I just dropped on to a box and sat there getting my
+breath back while the skipper forgave 'is wife for 'er unjust suspicions
+of 'im--but told 'er not to do it agin--and the office-boy was saying I'd
+surprised even 'im.  The last I saw of the lady-friend, the two
+lightermen was helping 'er to walk to the gate, and the two sailormen was
+follering 'er up behind, carrying 'er pocket-'ankercher and upberella."
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Substitute, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11479 ***