diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:37:02 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:37:02 -0700 |
| commit | 2eb9642a50509a8ccd86cd1b0cf5b3743837723f (patch) | |
| tree | 7759ce65b51630ba730f9f90875dada97ed8b6c2 | |
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 3 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478-0.txt | 382 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478-h.zip | bin | 0 -> 192977 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478-h/001.jpg | bin | 0 -> 38619 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478-h/11478-h.htm | 976 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478-h/cover.jpg | bin | 0 -> 97599 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478-h/title.jpg | bin | 0 -> 40265 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478.txt | 802 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 11478.zip | bin | 0 -> 15353 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478-h.zip | bin | 0 -> 192977 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478-h/001.jpg | bin | 0 -> 38619 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478-h/11478-h.htm | 976 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478-h/cover.jpg | bin | 0 -> 97599 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478-h/title.jpg | bin | 0 -> 40265 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478.txt | 802 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/11478.zip | bin | 0 -> 15353 bytes |
18 files changed, 3954 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/11478-0.txt b/11478-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ab7e98e --- /dev/null +++ b/11478-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,382 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11478 *** + +DEEP WATERS + +By W.W. JACOBS + + + +CONTENTS: + BEDRIDDEN + THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + + + +BEDRIDDEN + +July 12, 1915.--Disquieting rumours to the effect that epidemic of +Billetitis hitherto confined to the north of King's Road shows signs of +spreading. + +July 14.--Report that two Inns of Court men have been seen peeping over +my gate. + +July 16.--Informed that soldier of agreeable appearance and charming +manners requests interview with me. Took a dose of Phospherine and went. +Found composite photograph of French, Joffre, and Hindenburg waiting for +me in the hall. Smiled (he did, I mean) and gave me the mutilated form +of salute reserved for civilians. Introduced himself as Quartermaster- +Sergeant Beddem, and stated that the Inns of Court O.T.C. was going +under canvas next week. After which he gulped. Meantime could I take in +a billet. Questioned as to what day the corps was going into camp said +that he believed it was Monday, but was not quite sure--might possibly be +Tuesday. Swallowed again and coughed a little. Accepted billet and felt +completely re-warded by smile. Q.M.S. bade me good-bye, and then with +the air of a man suddenly remembering something, asked me whether I could +take two. Excused myself and interviewed my C.O. behind the dining-room +door. Came back and accepted. Q.M.S. so overjoyed (apparently) that he +fell over the scraper. Seemed to jog his memory. He paused, and gazing +in absent fashion at the topmost rose on the climber in the porch, asked +whether I could take three! Added hopefully that the third was only a +boy. Excused myself. Heated debate with C.O. Subject: sheets. +Returned with me to explain to the Q.M.S. He smiled. C.O. accepted at +once, and, returning smile, expressed regret at size and position of +bedrooms available. Q.M.S. went off swinging cane jauntily. + +July 17.--Billets arrived. Spoke to them about next Monday and canvas. +They seemed surprised. Strange how the military authorities decline to +take men into their confidence merely because they are privates. Let +them upstairs. They went (for first and last time) on tiptoe. + +July 18.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem in the town. Took shelter in the King's +Arms. + +Jug. 3.--Went to Cornwall. + +Aug. 31.--Returned. Billets received me very hospitably. + +Sept. 4.--Private Budd, electrical engineer, dissatisfied with +appearance of bell-push in dining-room, altered it. + +Sept. 5.--Bells out of order. + +Sept. 6.--Private Merited, also an electrical engineer, helped Private +Budd to repair bells. + +Sept. 7.--Private Budd helped Private Merited to repair bells. + +Sept. 8.--Privates Budd and Merited helped each other to repair bells. + +Sept. 9.--Sent to local tradesman to put my bells in order. + +Sept. 15.--Told that Q.M.S. Beddem wished to see me. Saw C.O. first. +She thought he had possibly come to take some of the billets away. +Q.M.S. met my approach with a smile that re-minded me vaguely of picture- +postcards I had seen. Awfully sorry to trouble me, but Private Montease, +just back from three weeks' holiday with bronchitis, was sleeping in the +wood-shed on three planks and a tin-tack. Beamed at me and waited. Went +and bought another bed-stead. + +Sept. 16.--Private Montease and a cough entered into residence. + +Sept. 17, 11.45 p.m.--Maid came to bedroom-door with some cough lozenges +which she asked me to take to the new billet. Took them. Private +Montease thanked me, but said he didn't mind coughing. Said it was an +heirloom; Montease cough, known in highest circles all over Scotland +since time of Young Pretender. + +Sept. 20.--Private Montease installed in easy-chair in dining-room with +touch of bronchitis, looking up trains to Bournemouth. + +Sept. 21.--Private Montease in bed all day. Cook anxious "to do her +bit" rubbed his chest with home-made embrocation. Believe it is same +stuff she rubs chests in hall with. Smells the same anyway. + +Sept. 24.--Private Montease, complaining of slight rawness of chest, but +otherwise well, returned to duty. + +Oct. 5.--Cough worse again. Private Montease thinks that with care it +may turn to bronchitis. Borrowed an A.B.C. + +Oct. 6.--Private Montease relates uncanny experience. Woke up with +feeling of suffocation to find an enormous black-currant and glycerine +jujube wedged in his gullet. Never owned such a thing in his life. +Seems to be unaware that he always sleeps with his mouth open. + +Nov. 14.--Private Bowser, youngest and tallest of my billets, gazetted. + +Nov. 15, 10.35 a.m.--Private Bowser in tip-top spirits said good-bye to +us all. + +10.45.--Told that Q.M.S. Beddem desired to see me. Capitulated. New +billet, Private Early, armed to the teeth, turned up in the evening. +Said that he was a Yorkshireman. Said that Yorkshire was the finest +county in England, and Yorkshiremen the finest men in the world. Stood +toying with his bayonet and waiting for contradiction. + +Jan. 5, 1916.--Standing in the garden just after lunch was witness to +startling phenomenon. Q.M.S. Beddem came towards front-gate with a +smile so expansive that gate after first trembling violently on its +hinges swung open of its own accord. Q.M.S., with smile (sad), said he +was in trouble. Very old member of the Inns of Court, Private Keen, had +re-joined, and he wanted a good billet for him. Would cheerfully give up +his own bed, but it wasn't long enough. Not to be outdone in hospitality +by my own gate accepted Private Keen. Q.M.S. digging hole in my path +with toe of right boot, and for first and only time manifesting signs of +nervousness, murmured that two life-long friends of Private Keen's had +rejoined with him. Known as the Three Inseparables. Where they were to +sleep, unless I----. Fled to house, and locking myself in top-attic +watched Q.M.S. from window. He departed with bent head and swagger-cane +reversed. + +Jan 6.--Private Keen arrived. Turned out to be son of an old Chief of +mine. Resolved not to visit the sins of the father on the head of a +child six feet two high and broad in proportion. + +Feb. 6.--Private Keen came home with a temperature. + +Feb. 7.--M.O. diagnosed influenza. Was afraid it would spread. + +Feb. 8.--Warned the other four billets. They seemed amused. Pointed +out that influenza had no terrors for men in No. 2 Company, who were +doomed to weekly night-ops. under Major Carryon. + +Feb. 9.--House strangely and pleasantly quiet. Went to see how Private +Keen was progressing, and found the other four billets sitting in a row +on his bed practising deep-breathing exercises. + +Feb. 16.--Billets on night-ops. until late hour. Spoke in highest terms +of Major Carryon's marching powers--also in other terms. + +March 3.--Waited up until midnight for Private Merited, who had gone to +Slough on his motor-bike. + +March 4, 1.5 a.m.--Awakened by series of explosions from over-worked, or +badly-worked, motor-bike. Put head out of window and threw key to +Private Merited. He seemed excited. Said he had been chased all the way +from Chesham by a pink rat with yellow spots. Advised him to go to bed. +Set him an example. + +1.10. a.m.--Heard somebody in the pantry. 2.10. a.m.--Heard Private +Merited going upstairs to bed. + +2.16 a.m.--Heard Private Merited still going upstairs to bed. + +2.20-3.15. a.m.--Heard Private Merited getting to bed. + +April 3, 12.30 a.m.--Town-hooter announced Zeppelins and excited soldier +called up my billets from their beds to go and frighten them off. +Pleasant to see superiority of billets over the hooter: that only emitted +three blasts. + +12.50 a.m.--Billets returned with exception of Private Merited, who was +retained for sake of his motor-bike. + +9 a.m.--On way to bath-room ran into Private Merited, who, looking very +glum and sleepy, inquired whether I had a copy of the Exchange and Mart +in the house. + +10 p.m.--Overheard billets discussing whether it was worth while removing +boots before going to bed until the Zeppelin scare was over. Joined in +discussion. + +May 2.--Rumours that the Inns of Court were going under canvas. +Discredited them. + +May 5.--Rumours grow stronger. + +May 6.--Billets depressed. Begin to think perhaps there is something in +rumours after all. + +May 9.-All doubts removed. Tents begin to spring up with the suddenness +of mushrooms in fields below Berkhamsted Place. + +May 18, LIBERATION DAY.--Bade a facetious good-bye to my billets; +response lacking in bonhomie. + +May 19.-House delightfully quiet. Presented caller of unkempt appearance +at back-door with remains of pair of military boots, three empty shaving- +stick tins, and a couple of partially bald tooth-brushes. + +May 21.--In afternoon went round and looked at camp. Came home smiling, +and went to favourite seat in garden to smoke. Discovered Private Early +lying on it fast asleep. Went to study. Private Merited at table +writing long and well-reasoned letter to his tailor. As he said he could +never write properly with anybody else in the room, left him and went to +bath-room. Door locked. Peevish but familiar voice, with a Scotch +accent, asked me what I wanted; also complained of temperature of water. + +May 22.--After comparing notes with neighbours, feel deeply grateful to +Q.M.S. Beddem for sending me the best six men in the corps. + +July 15.--Feel glad to have been associated, however remotely and humbly, +with a corps, the names of whose members appear on the Roll of Honour of +every British regiment. + + + + + + +THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + +_N.B.--Having regard to the eccentricities of the Law of Libel it must be +distinctly understood that the following does not refer to the +distinguished officer, Lieut. Troup Horne, of the Inns of Court. +Anybody trying to cause mischief between a civilian of eight stone and a +soldier of seventeen by a statement to the contrary will hear from my +solicitors._ + + +Aug. 29, 1916.--We returned from the sea to find our house still our +own, and the military still in undisputed possession of the remains of +the grass in the fields of Berkhamsted Place. As in previous years, it +was impossible to go in search of wild-flowers without stumbling over +sleeping members of the Inns of Court; but war is war, and we grumble as +little as possible. + +Sept. 28.--Unpleasant rumours to the effect that several members of the +Inns of Court had attributed cases of curvature of the spine to sleeping +on ground that had been insufficiently rolled. Also that they had been +heard to smack their lips and speak darkly of featherbeds. Respected +neighbour of gloomy disposition said that if Pharaoh were still alive he +could suggest an eleventh plague to him beside which frogs and flies were +an afternoon's diversion. + +Oct. 3.--Householders of Berkhamsted busy mending bedsteads broken by +last year's billets, and buying patent taps for their beer-barrels. + +Oct. 15.--Informed that a representative of the Army wished to see me. +Instead of my old friend Q.M.S. Beddem, who generally returns to life at +this time of year, found that it was an officer of magnificent presence +and two pips. A fine figure of a man, with a great resemblance to the +late lamented Bismarck, minus the moustache and the three hairs on the +top of the head. Asked him to be seated. He selected a chair that was +all arms and legs and no hips to speak of and crushed himself into it. +After which he unfastened his belt and "swelled wisibly afore my werry +eyes." Said that his name was True Born and asked if it made any +difference to me whether I had one officer or half-a-dozen men billeted +on me. Said that he was the officer, and that as the rank-and-file were +not allowed to pollute the same atmosphere, thought I should score. +After a mental review of all I could remember of the Weights and Measures +Table, accepted him. He bade a lingering farewell to the chair, and +departed. + +Oct. 16.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem on the other side of the road and gave him +an absolutely new thrill by crossing to meet him. Asked diffidently--as +diffidently as he could, that is--how many men my house would hold. +Replied eight--or ten at a pinch. He gave me a surprised and beaming +smile and whipped out a huge note-book. Informed him with as much regret +as I could put into a voice not always under perfect control, that I had +already got an officer. Q.M.S., favouring me with a look very +appropriate to the Devil's Own, turned on his heel and set off in pursuit +of a lady-billetee, pulling up short on the threshold of the baby-linen +shop in which she took refuge. Left him on guard with a Casablanca-like +look on his face. + +Nov. 1.--Lieut. True Born took up his quarters with us. Gave him my +dressing-room for bedchamber. Was awakened several times in the night by +what I took to be Zeppelins, flying low. + +Nov. 2.--Lieut. True Born offered to bet me five pounds to twenty that +the war would be over by 1922. + +Nov. 3.--Offered to teach me auction-bridge. + +Nov. 4.--Asked me whether I could play "shove ha'penny." + +Nov. 10.--Lieut. True Born gave one of the regimental horses a riding- +lesson. Came home grumpy and went to bed early. + +Nov. 13.--Another riding-lesson. Over-heard him asking one of the +maids whether there was such a thing as a water-bed in the house. + +Nov. 17.--Complained bitterly of horse-copers. Said that his poor mount +was discovered to be suffering from saddle-soreness, broken wind, +splints, weak hocks, and two bones of the neck out of place. + +Dec. 9.--7 p.m.--One of last year's billets, Private Merited, on leave +from a gunnery course, called to see me and to find out whether his old +bed had improved since last year. Left his motor-bike in the garage, and +the smell in front of the dining-room window. + +8 to 12 p.m.--Sat with Private Merited, listening to Lieut. True Born on +the mistakes of Wellington. + +12.5 a.m.--Rose to go to bed. Was about to turn out gas in hall when I +discovered the lieutenant standing with his face to the wall playing pat- +a-cake with it. Gave him three-parts of a tumbler of brandy. Said he +felt better and went upstairs. Arrived in his bed-room, he looked about +him carefully, and then, with a superb sweep of his left arm, swept the +best Chippendale looking-glass in the family off the dressing table and +dived face down-wards to the floor, missing death and the corner of the +chest of drawers by an inch. + +12:15 a.m.--Rolled him on to his back and got his feet on the bed. They +fell off again as soon as they were cleaner than the quilt. The +lieutenant, startled by the crash, opened his eyes and climbed into bed +unaided. + +12.20 a.m.--Sent Private Merited for the M.O., Captain Geranium. + +12.25 a.m.--Mixed a dose of brandy and castor-oil in a tumbler. Am told +it slips down like an oyster that way--bad oyster, I should think. +Lieut. True Born jibbed. Reminded him that England expects that every +man will take his castor-oil. Reply unprintable. Apologized a moment +later. Said that his mind was wandering and that he thought he was a +colonel. Reassured him. + +12.40 a.m.--Private Merited returned with the M.O. Latter nicely dressed +in musical-comedy pyjamas of ravishing hue, and great-coat, with rose- +tinted feet thrust into red morocco slippers. Held consultation and +explained my treatment. M.O. much impressed, anxious to know whether I +was a doctor. Told him "No," but that I knew all the ropes. First give +patient castor-oil, then diet him and call every day to make sure that he +doesn't like his food. After that, if he shows signs of getting well too +soon, give him a tonic. . . . M.O. stuffy. + +Dec. 10.--M.O. diagnosed attack as due to something which True Born +believes to be tobacco, with which he disinfects the house, the +mess-sheds, and the streets of Berkhamsted. + +Dec. 11.--True Born, shorn of thirteen pipes a day out of sixteen, +disparages the whole race of M.O.'s. + +Dec. 14.--He obtains leave to attend wedding of a great-aunt and +ransacks London for a specialist who advocates strong tobacco. + +Dec. 15.--He classes specialists with M.O.'s. Is surprised (and +apparently disappointed) that, so far, the breaking of the looking-glass +has brought me no ill-luck. Feel somewhat uneasy myself until glass is +repaired by local cabinet-maker. + +Jan. 10, 1917.--Lieut. True Born starts to break in another horse. + +Feb. 1.--Horse broken. + +March 3.--Running short of tobacco, go to my billet's room and try a pipe +of his. Take all the remedies except the castor-oil. + +April 4, 8.30 a.m.--Awakened by an infernal crash and discover that my +poor looking-glass is in pieces again on the floor. True Born explains +that its position, between the open door and the open window, was too +much for it. Don't believe a word of it. Shall believe to my dying day +that it burst in a frantic but hopeless attempt to tell Lieut. True Born +the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. + +April 6.--The lieutenant watching for some sign of misfortune to me. +Says that I can't break a mirror twice without ill-luck following it. +Me! + +April 9.--Lieut. True Born comes up to me with a face full of conflicting +emotions. "Your ill-luck has come at last," he says with gloomy +satisfaction. "We go under canvas on the 23rd. You are losing me!" + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11478 *** diff --git a/11478-h.zip b/11478-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9040e9f --- /dev/null +++ b/11478-h.zip diff --git a/11478-h/001.jpg b/11478-h/001.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f003e6a --- /dev/null +++ b/11478-h/001.jpg diff --git a/11478-h/11478-h.htm b/11478-h/11478-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0150abc --- /dev/null +++ b/11478-h/11478-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,976 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII"> +<meta content="pg2html (binary version 0.11)" + name="generator"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of + Deep Waters: BEDRIDDEN and THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + by W.W. Jacobs. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background:#faebd7} + * { font-family: Times; + } + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin: 15%; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; color:#A82C28} + HR { width: 33%; } + PRE { font-family: Courier, monospaced;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; font-size: 14pt; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + // --> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Bedridden and The Winter Offensive + Deep Waters, Part 8. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11478] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="cover (95K)" src="cover.jpg" height="787" width="632" /> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + +<h1> + DEEP WATERS +</h1> +<center><h2> + By W.W. JACOBS +</h2></center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<img alt="title (39K)" src="title.jpg" height="617" width="488" /> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="001 (37K)" src="001.jpg" height="670" width="480" /> +</center> +<br><br> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> + +<h1>BEDRIDDEN and THE WINTER OFFENSIVE</h1> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> +<a name="2H_4_4"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2> + BEDRIDDEN +</h2> +<br /><br /> +<p> + July 12, 1915.—Disquieting rumours to the effect that epidemic of + Billetitis hitherto confined to the north of King's Road shows signs of + spreading. +</p> +<p> + July 14.—Report that two Inns of Court men have been seen peeping over + my gate. +</p> +<p> + July 16.—Informed that soldier of agreeable appearance and charming + manners requests interview with me. Took a dose of Phospherine and went. + Found composite photograph of French, Joffre, and Hindenburg waiting for + me in the hall. Smiled (he did, I mean) and gave me the mutilated form + of salute reserved for civilians. Introduced himself as Quartermaster- + Sergeant Beddem, and stated that the Inns of Court O.T.C. was going + under canvas next week. After which he gulped. Meantime could I take in + a billet. Questioned as to what day the corps was going into camp said + that he believed it was Monday, but was not quite sure—might possibly be + Tuesday. Swallowed again and coughed a little. Accepted billet and felt + completely re-warded by smile. Q.M.S. bade me good-bye, and then with + the air of a man suddenly remembering something, asked me whether I could + take two. Excused myself and interviewed my C.O. behind the dining-room + door. Came back and accepted. Q.M.S. so overjoyed (apparently) that he + fell over the scraper. Seemed to jog his memory. He paused, and gazing + in absent fashion at the topmost rose on the climber in the porch, asked + whether I could take three! Added hopefully that the third was only a + boy. Excused myself. Heated debate with C.O. Subject: sheets. + Returned with me to explain to the Q.M.S. He smiled. C.O. accepted at + once, and, returning smile, expressed regret at size and position of + bedrooms available. Q.M.S. went off swinging cane jauntily. +</p> +<p> + July 17.—Billets arrived. Spoke to them about next Monday and canvas. + They seemed surprised. Strange how the military authorities decline to + take men into their confidence merely because they are privates. Let + them upstairs. They went (for first and last time) on tiptoe. +</p> +<p> + July 18.—Saw Q.M.S. Beddem in the town. Took shelter in the King's + Arms. +</p> +<p> + Jug. 3.—Went to Cornwall. +</p> +<p> + Aug. 31.—Returned. Billets received me very hospitably. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 4.—Private Budd, electrical engineer, dissatisfied with + appearance of bell-push in dining-room, altered it. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 5.—Bells out of order. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 6.—Private Merited, also an electrical engineer, helped Private + Budd to repair bells. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 7.—Private Budd helped Private Merited to repair bells. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 8.—Privates Budd and Merited helped each other to repair bells. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 9.—Sent to local tradesman to put my bells in order. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 15.—Told that Q.M.S. Beddem wished to see me. Saw C.O. first. + She thought he had possibly come to take some of the billets away. + Q.M.S. met my approach with a smile that re-minded me vaguely of picture- + postcards I had seen. Awfully sorry to trouble me, but Private Montease, + just back from three weeks' holiday with bronchitis, was sleeping in the + wood-shed on three planks and a tin-tack. Beamed at me and waited. Went + and bought another bed-stead. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 16.—Private Montease and a cough entered into residence. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 17, 11.45 p.m.—Maid came to bedroom-door with some cough lozenges + which she asked me to take to the new billet. Took them. Private + Montease thanked me, but said he didn't mind coughing. Said it was an + heirloom; Montease cough, known in highest circles all over Scotland + since time of Young Pretender. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 20.—Private Montease installed in easy-chair in dining-room with + touch of bronchitis, looking up trains to Bournemouth. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 21.—Private Montease in bed all day. Cook anxious "to do her + bit" rubbed his chest with home-made embrocation. Believe it is same + stuff she rubs chests in hall with. Smells the same anyway. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 24.—Private Montease, complaining of slight rawness of chest, but + otherwise well, returned to duty. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 5.—Cough worse again. Private Montease thinks that with care it + may turn to bronchitis. Borrowed an A.B.C. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 6.—Private Montease relates uncanny experience. Woke up with + feeling of suffocation to find an enormous black-currant and glycerine + jujube wedged in his gullet. Never owned such a thing in his life. + Seems to be unaware that he always sleeps with his mouth open. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 14.—Private Bowser, youngest and tallest of my billets, gazetted. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 15, 10.35 a.m.—Private Bowser in tip-top spirits said good-bye to + us all. +</p> +<p> + 10.45.—Told that Q.M.S. Beddem desired to see me. Capitulated. New + billet, Private Early, armed to the teeth, turned up in the evening. + Said that he was a Yorkshireman. Said that Yorkshire was the finest + county in England, and Yorkshiremen the finest men in the world. Stood + toying with his bayonet and waiting for contradiction. +</p> +<p> + Jan. 5, 1916.—Standing in the garden just after lunch was witness to + startling phenomenon. Q.M.S. Beddem came towards front-gate with a + smile so expansive that gate after first trembling violently on its + hinges swung open of its own accord. Q.M.S., with smile (sad), said he + was in trouble. Very old member of the Inns of Court, Private Keen, had + re-joined, and he wanted a good billet for him. Would cheerfully give up + his own bed, but it wasn't long enough. Not to be outdone in hospitality + by my own gate accepted Private Keen. Q.M.S. digging hole in my path + with toe of right boot, and for first and only time manifesting signs of + nervousness, murmured that two life-long friends of Private Keen's had + rejoined with him. Known as the Three Inseparables. Where they were to + sleep, unless I——. Fled to house, and locking myself in top-attic + watched Q.M.S. from window. He departed with bent head and swagger-cane + reversed. +</p> +<p> + Jan 6.—Private Keen arrived. Turned out to be son of an old Chief of + mine. Resolved not to visit the sins of the father on the head of a + child six feet two high and broad in proportion. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 6.—Private Keen came home with a temperature. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 7.—M.O. diagnosed influenza. Was afraid it would spread. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 8.—Warned the other four billets. They seemed amused. Pointed + out that influenza had no terrors for men in No. 2 Company, who were + doomed to weekly night-ops. under Major Carryon. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 9.—House strangely and pleasantly quiet. Went to see how Private + Keen was progressing, and found the other four billets sitting in a row + on his bed practising deep-breathing exercises. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 16.—Billets on night-ops. until late hour. Spoke in highest terms + of Major Carryon's marching powers—also in other terms. +</p> +<p> + March 3.—Waited up until midnight for Private Merited, who had gone to + Slough on his motor-bike. +</p> +<p> + March 4, 1.5 a.m.—Awakened by series of explosions from over-worked, or + badly-worked, motor-bike. Put head out of window and threw key to + Private Merited. He seemed excited. Said he had been chased all the way + from Chesham by a pink rat with yellow spots. Advised him to go to bed. + Set him an example. +</p> +<p> + 1.10. a.m.—Heard somebody in the pantry. 2.10. a.m.—Heard Private + Merited going upstairs to bed. +</p> +<p> + 2.16 a.m.—Heard Private Merited still going upstairs to bed. +</p> +<p> + 2.20-3.15. a.m.—Heard Private Merited getting to bed. +</p> +<p> + April 3, 12.30 a.m.—Town-hooter announced Zeppelins and excited soldier + called up my billets from their beds to go and frighten them off. + Pleasant to see superiority of billets over the hooter: that only emitted + three blasts. +</p> +<p> + 12.50 a.m.—Billets returned with exception of Private Merited, who was + retained for sake of his motor-bike. +</p> +<p> + 9 a.m.—On way to bath-room ran into Private Merited, who, looking very + glum and sleepy, inquired whether I had a copy of the Exchange and Mart + in the house. +</p> +<p> + 10 p.m.—Overheard billets discussing whether it was worth while removing + boots before going to bed until the Zeppelin scare was over. Joined in + discussion. +</p> +<p> + May 2.—Rumours that the Inns of Court were going under canvas. + Discredited them. +</p> +<p> + May 5.—Rumours grow stronger. +</p> +<p> + May 6.—Billets depressed. Begin to think perhaps there is something in + rumours after all. +</p> +<p> + May 9.-All doubts removed. Tents begin to spring up with the suddenness + of mushrooms in fields below Berkhamsted Place. +</p> +<p> + May 18, LIBERATION DAY.—Bade a facetious good-bye to my billets; + response lacking in bonhomie. +</p> +<p> + May 19.-House delightfully quiet. Presented caller of unkempt appearance + at back-door with remains of pair of military boots, three empty shaving- + stick tins, and a couple of partially bald tooth-brushes. +</p> +<p> + May 21.—In afternoon went round and looked at camp. Came home smiling, + and went to favourite seat in garden to smoke. Discovered Private Early + lying on it fast asleep. Went to study. Private Merited at table + writing long and well-reasoned letter to his tailor. As he said he could + never write properly with anybody else in the room, left him and went to + bath-room. Door locked. Peevish but familiar voice, with a Scotch + accent, asked me what I wanted; also complained of temperature of water. +</p> +<p> + May 22.—After comparing notes with neighbours, feel deeply grateful to + Q.M.S. Beddem for sending me the best six men in the corps. +</p> +<p> + July 15.—Feel glad to have been associated, however remotely and humbly, + with a corps, the names of whose members appear on the Roll of Honour of + every British regiment. +</p> + + +<br /><br /><br /><hr><br /><br /><br /> + + +<a name="2H_4_8"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2> + THE WINTER OFFENSIVE +</h2> +<br /><br /> +<p> + <i>N.B.—Having regard to the eccentricities of the Law of Libel it must be + distinctly understood that the following does not refer to the + distinguished officer, Lieut. Troup Horne, of the Inns of Court. + Anybody trying to cause mischief between a civilian of eight stone and a + soldier of seventeen by a statement to the contrary will hear from my + solicitors.</i> +</p> +<p> + Aug. 29, 1916.—We returned from the sea to find our house still our + own, and the military still in undisputed possession of the remains of + the grass in the fields of Berkhamsted Place. As in previous years, it + was impossible to go in search of wild-flowers without stumbling over + sleeping members of the Inns of Court; but war is war, and we grumble as + little as possible. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 28.—Unpleasant rumours to the effect that several members of the + Inns of Court had attributed cases of curvature of the spine to sleeping + on ground that had been insufficiently rolled. Also that they had been + heard to smack their lips and speak darkly of featherbeds. Respected + neighbour of gloomy disposition said that if Pharaoh were still alive he + could suggest an eleventh plague to him beside which frogs and flies were + an afternoon's diversion. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 3.—Householders of Berkhamsted busy mending bedsteads broken by + last year's billets, and buying patent taps for their beer-barrels. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 15.—Informed that a representative of the Army wished to see me. + Instead of my old friend Q.M.S. Beddem, who generally returns to life at + this time of year, found that it was an officer of magnificent presence + and two pips. A fine figure of a man, with a great resemblance to the + late lamented Bismarck, minus the moustache and the three hairs on the + top of the head. Asked him to be seated. He selected a chair that was + all arms and legs and no hips to speak of and crushed himself into it. + After which he unfastened his belt and "swelled wisibly afore my werry + eyes." Said that his name was True Born and asked if it made any + difference to me whether I had one officer or half-a-dozen men billeted + on me. Said that he was the officer, and that as the rank-and-file were + not allowed to pollute the same atmosphere, thought I should score. + After a mental review of all I could remember of the Weights and Measures + Table, accepted him. He bade a lingering farewell to the chair, and + departed. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 16.—Saw Q.M.S. Beddem on the other side of the road and gave him + an absolutely new thrill by crossing to meet him. Asked diffidently—as + diffidently as he could, that is—how many men my house would hold. + Replied eight—or ten at a pinch. He gave me a surprised and beaming + smile and whipped out a huge note-book. Informed him with as much regret + as I could put into a voice not always under perfect control, that I had + already got an officer. Q.M.S., favouring me with a look very + appropriate to the Devil's Own, turned on his heel and set off in pursuit + of a lady-billetee, pulling up short on the threshold of the baby-linen + shop in which she took refuge. Left him on guard with a Casablanca-like + look on his face. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 1.—Lieut. True Born took up his quarters with us. Gave him my + dressing-room for bedchamber. Was awakened several times in the night by + what I took to be Zeppelins, flying low. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 2.—Lieut. True Born offered to bet me five pounds to twenty that + the war would be over by 1922. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 3.—Offered to teach me auction-bridge. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 4.—Asked me whether I could play "shove ha'penny." +</p> +<p> + Nov. 10.—Lieut. True Born gave one of the regimental horses a riding- + lesson. Came home grumpy and went to bed early. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 13.—Another riding-lesson. Over-heard him asking one of the + maids whether there was such a thing as a water-bed in the house. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 17.—Complained bitterly of horse-copers. Said that his poor mount + was discovered to be suffering from saddle-soreness, broken wind, + splints, weak hocks, and two bones of the neck out of place. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 9.—7 p.m.—One of last year's billets, Private Merited, on leave + from a gunnery course, called to see me and to find out whether his old + bed had improved since last year. Left his motor-bike in the garage, and + the smell in front of the dining-room window. +</p> +<p> + 8 to 12 p.m.—Sat with Private Merited, listening to Lieut. True Born on + the mistakes of Wellington. +</p> +<p> + 12.5 a.m.—Rose to go to bed. Was about to turn out gas in hall when I + discovered the lieutenant standing with his face to the wall playing pat- + a-cake with it. Gave him three-parts of a tumbler of brandy. Said he + felt better and went upstairs. Arrived in his bed-room, he looked about + him carefully, and then, with a superb sweep of his left arm, swept the + best Chippendale looking-glass in the family off the dressing table and + dived face down-wards to the floor, missing death and the corner of the + chest of drawers by an inch. +</p> +<p> + 12:15 a.m.—Rolled him on to his back and got his feet on the bed. They + fell off again as soon as they were cleaner than the quilt. The + lieutenant, startled by the crash, opened his eyes and climbed into bed + unaided. +</p> +<p> + 12.20 a.m.—Sent Private Merited for the M.O., Captain Geranium. +</p> +<p> + 12.25 a.m.—Mixed a dose of brandy and castor-oil in a tumbler. Am told + it slips down like an oyster that way—bad oyster, I should think. + Lieut. True Born jibbed. Reminded him that England expects that every + man will take his castor-oil. Reply unprintable. Apologized a moment + later. Said that his mind was wandering and that he thought he was a + colonel. Reassured him. +</p> +<p> + 12.40 a.m.—Private Merited returned with the M.O. Latter nicely dressed + in musical-comedy pyjamas of ravishing hue, and great-coat, with rose- + tinted feet thrust into red morocco slippers. Held consultation and + explained my treatment. M.O. much impressed, anxious to know whether I + was a doctor. Told him "No," but that I knew all the ropes. First give + patient castor-oil, then diet him and call every day to make sure that he + doesn't like his food. After that, if he shows signs of getting well too + soon, give him a tonic. . . . M.O. stuffy. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 10.—M.O. diagnosed attack as due to something which True Born + believes to be tobacco, with which he disinfects the house, the + mess-sheds, and the streets of Berkhamsted. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 11.—True Born, shorn of thirteen pipes a day out of sixteen, + disparages the whole race of M.O.'s. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 14.—He obtains leave to attend wedding of a great-aunt and + ransacks London for a specialist who advocates strong tobacco. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 15.—He classes specialists with M.O.'s. Is surprised (and + apparently disappointed) that, so far, the breaking of the looking-glass + has brought me no ill-luck. Feel somewhat uneasy myself until glass is + repaired by local cabinet-maker. +</p> +<p> + Jan. 10, 1917.—Lieut. True Born starts to break in another horse. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 1.—Horse broken. +</p> +<p> + March 3.—Running short of tobacco, go to my billet's room and try a pipe + of his. Take all the remedies except the castor-oil. +</p> +<p> + April 4, 8.30 a.m.—Awakened by an infernal crash and discover that my + poor looking-glass is in pieces again on the floor. True Born explains + that its position, between the open door and the open window, was too + much for it. Don't believe a word of it. Shall believe to my dying day + that it burst in a frantic but hopeless attempt to tell Lieut. True Born + the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. +</p> +<p> + April 6.—The lieutenant watching for some sign of misfortune to me. + Says that I can't break a mirror twice without ill-luck following it. + Me! +</p> +<p> + April 9.—Lieut. True Born comes up to me with a face full of conflicting + emotions. "Your ill-luck has come at last," he says with gloomy + satisfaction. "We go under canvas on the 23rd. You are losing me!" +</p> + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + +***** This file should be named 11478-h.htm or 11478-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/7/11478/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + https://www.gutenberg.org/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/11478-h/cover.jpg b/11478-h/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..89580a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/11478-h/cover.jpg diff --git a/11478-h/title.jpg b/11478-h/title.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f25786 --- /dev/null +++ b/11478-h/title.jpg diff --git a/11478.txt b/11478.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..051f772 --- /dev/null +++ b/11478.txt @@ -0,0 +1,802 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Bedridden and The Winter Offensive + Deep Waters, Part 8. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11478] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +DEEP WATERS + +By W.W. JACOBS + + + +CONTENTS: + BEDRIDDEN + THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + + + +BEDRIDDEN + +July 12, 1915.--Disquieting rumours to the effect that epidemic of +Billetitis hitherto confined to the north of King's Road shows signs of +spreading. + +July 14.--Report that two Inns of Court men have been seen peeping over +my gate. + +July 16.--Informed that soldier of agreeable appearance and charming +manners requests interview with me. Took a dose of Phospherine and went. +Found composite photograph of French, Joffre, and Hindenburg waiting for +me in the hall. Smiled (he did, I mean) and gave me the mutilated form +of salute reserved for civilians. Introduced himself as Quartermaster- +Sergeant Beddem, and stated that the Inns of Court O.T.C. was going +under canvas next week. After which he gulped. Meantime could I take in +a billet. Questioned as to what day the corps was going into camp said +that he believed it was Monday, but was not quite sure--might possibly be +Tuesday. Swallowed again and coughed a little. Accepted billet and felt +completely re-warded by smile. Q.M.S. bade me good-bye, and then with +the air of a man suddenly remembering something, asked me whether I could +take two. Excused myself and interviewed my C.O. behind the dining-room +door. Came back and accepted. Q.M.S. so overjoyed (apparently) that he +fell over the scraper. Seemed to jog his memory. He paused, and gazing +in absent fashion at the topmost rose on the climber in the porch, asked +whether I could take three! Added hopefully that the third was only a +boy. Excused myself. Heated debate with C.O. Subject: sheets. +Returned with me to explain to the Q.M.S. He smiled. C.O. accepted at +once, and, returning smile, expressed regret at size and position of +bedrooms available. Q.M.S. went off swinging cane jauntily. + +July 17.--Billets arrived. Spoke to them about next Monday and canvas. +They seemed surprised. Strange how the military authorities decline to +take men into their confidence merely because they are privates. Let +them upstairs. They went (for first and last time) on tiptoe. + +July 18.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem in the town. Took shelter in the King's +Arms. + +Jug. 3.--Went to Cornwall. + +Aug. 31.--Returned. Billets received me very hospitably. + +Sept. 4.--Private Budd, electrical engineer, dissatisfied with +appearance of bell-push in dining-room, altered it. + +Sept. 5.--Bells out of order. + +Sept. 6.--Private Merited, also an electrical engineer, helped Private +Budd to repair bells. + +Sept. 7.--Private Budd helped Private Merited to repair bells. + +Sept. 8.--Privates Budd and Merited helped each other to repair bells. + +Sept. 9.--Sent to local tradesman to put my bells in order. + +Sept. 15.--Told that Q.M.S. Beddem wished to see me. Saw C.O. first. +She thought he had possibly come to take some of the billets away. +Q.M.S. met my approach with a smile that re-minded me vaguely of picture- +postcards I had seen. Awfully sorry to trouble me, but Private Montease, +just back from three weeks' holiday with bronchitis, was sleeping in the +wood-shed on three planks and a tin-tack. Beamed at me and waited. Went +and bought another bed-stead. + +Sept. 16.--Private Montease and a cough entered into residence. + +Sept. 17, 11.45 p.m.--Maid came to bedroom-door with some cough lozenges +which she asked me to take to the new billet. Took them. Private +Montease thanked me, but said he didn't mind coughing. Said it was an +heirloom; Montease cough, known in highest circles all over Scotland +since time of Young Pretender. + +Sept. 20.--Private Montease installed in easy-chair in dining-room with +touch of bronchitis, looking up trains to Bournemouth. + +Sept. 21.--Private Montease in bed all day. Cook anxious "to do her +bit" rubbed his chest with home-made embrocation. Believe it is same +stuff she rubs chests in hall with. Smells the same anyway. + +Sept. 24.--Private Montease, complaining of slight rawness of chest, but +otherwise well, returned to duty. + +Oct. 5.--Cough worse again. Private Montease thinks that with care it +may turn to bronchitis. Borrowed an A.B.C. + +Oct. 6.--Private Montease relates uncanny experience. Woke up with +feeling of suffocation to find an enormous black-currant and glycerine +jujube wedged in his gullet. Never owned such a thing in his life. +Seems to be unaware that he always sleeps with his mouth open. + +Nov. 14.--Private Bowser, youngest and tallest of my billets, gazetted. + +Nov. 15, 10.35 a.m.--Private Bowser in tip-top spirits said good-bye to +us all. + +10.45.--Told that Q.M.S. Beddem desired to see me. Capitulated. New +billet, Private Early, armed to the teeth, turned up in the evening. +Said that he was a Yorkshireman. Said that Yorkshire was the finest +county in England, and Yorkshiremen the finest men in the world. Stood +toying with his bayonet and waiting for contradiction. + +Jan. 5, 1916.--Standing in the garden just after lunch was witness to +startling phenomenon. Q.M.S. Beddem came towards front-gate with a +smile so expansive that gate after first trembling violently on its +hinges swung open of its own accord. Q.M.S., with smile (sad), said he +was in trouble. Very old member of the Inns of Court, Private Keen, had +re-joined, and he wanted a good billet for him. Would cheerfully give up +his own bed, but it wasn't long enough. Not to be outdone in hospitality +by my own gate accepted Private Keen. Q.M.S. digging hole in my path +with toe of right boot, and for first and only time manifesting signs of +nervousness, murmured that two life-long friends of Private Keen's had +rejoined with him. Known as the Three Inseparables. Where they were to +sleep, unless I----. Fled to house, and locking myself in top-attic +watched Q.M.S. from window. He departed with bent head and swagger-cane +reversed. + +Jan 6.--Private Keen arrived. Turned out to be son of an old Chief of +mine. Resolved not to visit the sins of the father on the head of a +child six feet two high and broad in proportion. + +Feb. 6.--Private Keen came home with a temperature. + +Feb. 7.--M.O. diagnosed influenza. Was afraid it would spread. + +Feb. 8.--Warned the other four billets. They seemed amused. Pointed +out that influenza had no terrors for men in No. 2 Company, who were +doomed to weekly night-ops. under Major Carryon. + +Feb. 9.--House strangely and pleasantly quiet. Went to see how Private +Keen was progressing, and found the other four billets sitting in a row +on his bed practising deep-breathing exercises. + +Feb. 16.--Billets on night-ops. until late hour. Spoke in highest terms +of Major Carryon's marching powers--also in other terms. + +March 3.--Waited up until midnight for Private Merited, who had gone to +Slough on his motor-bike. + +March 4, 1.5 a.m.--Awakened by series of explosions from over-worked, or +badly-worked, motor-bike. Put head out of window and threw key to +Private Merited. He seemed excited. Said he had been chased all the way +from Chesham by a pink rat with yellow spots. Advised him to go to bed. +Set him an example. + +1.10. a.m.--Heard somebody in the pantry. 2.10. a.m.--Heard Private +Merited going upstairs to bed. + +2.16 a.m.--Heard Private Merited still going upstairs to bed. + +2.20-3.15. a.m.--Heard Private Merited getting to bed. + +April 3, 12.30 a.m.--Town-hooter announced Zeppelins and excited soldier +called up my billets from their beds to go and frighten them off. +Pleasant to see superiority of billets over the hooter: that only emitted +three blasts. + +12.50 a.m.--Billets returned with exception of Private Merited, who was +retained for sake of his motor-bike. + +9 a.m.--On way to bath-room ran into Private Merited, who, looking very +glum and sleepy, inquired whether I had a copy of the Exchange and Mart +in the house. + +10 p.m.--Overheard billets discussing whether it was worth while removing +boots before going to bed until the Zeppelin scare was over. Joined in +discussion. + +May 2.--Rumours that the Inns of Court were going under canvas. +Discredited them. + +May 5.--Rumours grow stronger. + +May 6.--Billets depressed. Begin to think perhaps there is something in +rumours after all. + +May 9.-All doubts removed. Tents begin to spring up with the suddenness +of mushrooms in fields below Berkhamsted Place. + +May 18, LIBERATION DAY.--Bade a facetious good-bye to my billets; +response lacking in bonhomie. + +May 19.-House delightfully quiet. Presented caller of unkempt appearance +at back-door with remains of pair of military boots, three empty shaving- +stick tins, and a couple of partially bald tooth-brushes. + +May 21.--In afternoon went round and looked at camp. Came home smiling, +and went to favourite seat in garden to smoke. Discovered Private Early +lying on it fast asleep. Went to study. Private Merited at table +writing long and well-reasoned letter to his tailor. As he said he could +never write properly with anybody else in the room, left him and went to +bath-room. Door locked. Peevish but familiar voice, with a Scotch +accent, asked me what I wanted; also complained of temperature of water. + +May 22.--After comparing notes with neighbours, feel deeply grateful to +Q.M.S. Beddem for sending me the best six men in the corps. + +July 15.--Feel glad to have been associated, however remotely and humbly, +with a corps, the names of whose members appear on the Roll of Honour of +every British regiment. + + + + + + +THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + +_N.B.--Having regard to the eccentricities of the Law of Libel it must be +distinctly understood that the following does not refer to the +distinguished officer, Lieut. Troup Horne, of the Inns of Court. +Anybody trying to cause mischief between a civilian of eight stone and a +soldier of seventeen by a statement to the contrary will hear from my +solicitors._ + + +Aug. 29, 1916.--We returned from the sea to find our house still our +own, and the military still in undisputed possession of the remains of +the grass in the fields of Berkhamsted Place. As in previous years, it +was impossible to go in search of wild-flowers without stumbling over +sleeping members of the Inns of Court; but war is war, and we grumble as +little as possible. + +Sept. 28.--Unpleasant rumours to the effect that several members of the +Inns of Court had attributed cases of curvature of the spine to sleeping +on ground that had been insufficiently rolled. Also that they had been +heard to smack their lips and speak darkly of featherbeds. Respected +neighbour of gloomy disposition said that if Pharaoh were still alive he +could suggest an eleventh plague to him beside which frogs and flies were +an afternoon's diversion. + +Oct. 3.--Householders of Berkhamsted busy mending bedsteads broken by +last year's billets, and buying patent taps for their beer-barrels. + +Oct. 15.--Informed that a representative of the Army wished to see me. +Instead of my old friend Q.M.S. Beddem, who generally returns to life at +this time of year, found that it was an officer of magnificent presence +and two pips. A fine figure of a man, with a great resemblance to the +late lamented Bismarck, minus the moustache and the three hairs on the +top of the head. Asked him to be seated. He selected a chair that was +all arms and legs and no hips to speak of and crushed himself into it. +After which he unfastened his belt and "swelled wisibly afore my werry +eyes." Said that his name was True Born and asked if it made any +difference to me whether I had one officer or half-a-dozen men billeted +on me. Said that he was the officer, and that as the rank-and-file were +not allowed to pollute the same atmosphere, thought I should score. +After a mental review of all I could remember of the Weights and Measures +Table, accepted him. He bade a lingering farewell to the chair, and +departed. + +Oct. 16.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem on the other side of the road and gave him +an absolutely new thrill by crossing to meet him. Asked diffidently--as +diffidently as he could, that is--how many men my house would hold. +Replied eight--or ten at a pinch. He gave me a surprised and beaming +smile and whipped out a huge note-book. Informed him with as much regret +as I could put into a voice not always under perfect control, that I had +already got an officer. Q.M.S., favouring me with a look very +appropriate to the Devil's Own, turned on his heel and set off in pursuit +of a lady-billetee, pulling up short on the threshold of the baby-linen +shop in which she took refuge. Left him on guard with a Casablanca-like +look on his face. + +Nov. 1.--Lieut. True Born took up his quarters with us. Gave him my +dressing-room for bedchamber. Was awakened several times in the night by +what I took to be Zeppelins, flying low. + +Nov. 2.--Lieut. True Born offered to bet me five pounds to twenty that +the war would be over by 1922. + +Nov. 3.--Offered to teach me auction-bridge. + +Nov. 4.--Asked me whether I could play "shove ha'penny." + +Nov. 10.--Lieut. True Born gave one of the regimental horses a riding- +lesson. Came home grumpy and went to bed early. + +Nov. 13.--Another riding-lesson. Over-heard him asking one of the +maids whether there was such a thing as a water-bed in the house. + +Nov. 17.--Complained bitterly of horse-copers. Said that his poor mount +was discovered to be suffering from saddle-soreness, broken wind, +splints, weak hocks, and two bones of the neck out of place. + +Dec. 9.--7 p.m.--One of last year's billets, Private Merited, on leave +from a gunnery course, called to see me and to find out whether his old +bed had improved since last year. Left his motor-bike in the garage, and +the smell in front of the dining-room window. + +8 to 12 p.m.--Sat with Private Merited, listening to Lieut. True Born on +the mistakes of Wellington. + +12.5 a.m.--Rose to go to bed. Was about to turn out gas in hall when I +discovered the lieutenant standing with his face to the wall playing pat- +a-cake with it. Gave him three-parts of a tumbler of brandy. Said he +felt better and went upstairs. Arrived in his bed-room, he looked about +him carefully, and then, with a superb sweep of his left arm, swept the +best Chippendale looking-glass in the family off the dressing table and +dived face down-wards to the floor, missing death and the corner of the +chest of drawers by an inch. + +12:15 a.m.--Rolled him on to his back and got his feet on the bed. They +fell off again as soon as they were cleaner than the quilt. The +lieutenant, startled by the crash, opened his eyes and climbed into bed +unaided. + +12.20 a.m.--Sent Private Merited for the M.O., Captain Geranium. + +12.25 a.m.--Mixed a dose of brandy and castor-oil in a tumbler. Am told +it slips down like an oyster that way--bad oyster, I should think. +Lieut. True Born jibbed. Reminded him that England expects that every +man will take his castor-oil. Reply unprintable. Apologized a moment +later. Said that his mind was wandering and that he thought he was a +colonel. Reassured him. + +12.40 a.m.--Private Merited returned with the M.O. Latter nicely dressed +in musical-comedy pyjamas of ravishing hue, and great-coat, with rose- +tinted feet thrust into red morocco slippers. Held consultation and +explained my treatment. M.O. much impressed, anxious to know whether I +was a doctor. Told him "No," but that I knew all the ropes. First give +patient castor-oil, then diet him and call every day to make sure that he +doesn't like his food. After that, if he shows signs of getting well too +soon, give him a tonic. . . . M.O. stuffy. + +Dec. 10.--M.O. diagnosed attack as due to something which True Born +believes to be tobacco, with which he disinfects the house, the +mess-sheds, and the streets of Berkhamsted. + +Dec. 11.--True Born, shorn of thirteen pipes a day out of sixteen, +disparages the whole race of M.O.'s. + +Dec. 14.--He obtains leave to attend wedding of a great-aunt and +ransacks London for a specialist who advocates strong tobacco. + +Dec. 15.--He classes specialists with M.O.'s. Is surprised (and +apparently disappointed) that, so far, the breaking of the looking-glass +has brought me no ill-luck. Feel somewhat uneasy myself until glass is +repaired by local cabinet-maker. + +Jan. 10, 1917.--Lieut. True Born starts to break in another horse. + +Feb. 1.--Horse broken. + +March 3.--Running short of tobacco, go to my billet's room and try a pipe +of his. Take all the remedies except the castor-oil. + +April 4, 8.30 a.m.--Awakened by an infernal crash and discover that my +poor looking-glass is in pieces again on the floor. True Born explains +that its position, between the open door and the open window, was too +much for it. Don't believe a word of it. Shall believe to my dying day +that it burst in a frantic but hopeless attempt to tell Lieut. True Born +the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. + +April 6.--The lieutenant watching for some sign of misfortune to me. +Says that I can't break a mirror twice without ill-luck following it. +Me! + +April 9.--Lieut. True Born comes up to me with a face full of conflicting +emotions. "Your ill-luck has come at last," he says with gloomy +satisfaction. "We go under canvas on the 23rd. You are losing me!" + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + +***** This file should be named 11478.txt or 11478.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/7/11478/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + https://www.gutenberg.org/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + diff --git a/11478.zip b/11478.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..222fa01 --- /dev/null +++ b/11478.zip diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b388b8e --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #11478 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/11478) diff --git a/old/11478-h.zip b/old/11478-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9040e9f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478-h.zip diff --git a/old/11478-h/001.jpg b/old/11478-h/001.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f003e6a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478-h/001.jpg diff --git a/old/11478-h/11478-h.htm b/old/11478-h/11478-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0150abc --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478-h/11478-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,976 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII"> +<meta content="pg2html (binary version 0.11)" + name="generator"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of + Deep Waters: BEDRIDDEN and THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + by W.W. Jacobs. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background:#faebd7} + * { font-family: Times; + } + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin: 15%; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; color:#A82C28} + HR { width: 33%; } + PRE { font-family: Courier, monospaced;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; font-size: 14pt; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + // --> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Bedridden and The Winter Offensive + Deep Waters, Part 8. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11478] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="cover (95K)" src="cover.jpg" height="787" width="632" /> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + +<h1> + DEEP WATERS +</h1> +<center><h2> + By W.W. JACOBS +</h2></center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<img alt="title (39K)" src="title.jpg" height="617" width="488" /> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="001 (37K)" src="001.jpg" height="670" width="480" /> +</center> +<br><br> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> + +<h1>BEDRIDDEN and THE WINTER OFFENSIVE</h1> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> +<a name="2H_4_4"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2> + BEDRIDDEN +</h2> +<br /><br /> +<p> + July 12, 1915.—Disquieting rumours to the effect that epidemic of + Billetitis hitherto confined to the north of King's Road shows signs of + spreading. +</p> +<p> + July 14.—Report that two Inns of Court men have been seen peeping over + my gate. +</p> +<p> + July 16.—Informed that soldier of agreeable appearance and charming + manners requests interview with me. Took a dose of Phospherine and went. + Found composite photograph of French, Joffre, and Hindenburg waiting for + me in the hall. Smiled (he did, I mean) and gave me the mutilated form + of salute reserved for civilians. Introduced himself as Quartermaster- + Sergeant Beddem, and stated that the Inns of Court O.T.C. was going + under canvas next week. After which he gulped. Meantime could I take in + a billet. Questioned as to what day the corps was going into camp said + that he believed it was Monday, but was not quite sure—might possibly be + Tuesday. Swallowed again and coughed a little. Accepted billet and felt + completely re-warded by smile. Q.M.S. bade me good-bye, and then with + the air of a man suddenly remembering something, asked me whether I could + take two. Excused myself and interviewed my C.O. behind the dining-room + door. Came back and accepted. Q.M.S. so overjoyed (apparently) that he + fell over the scraper. Seemed to jog his memory. He paused, and gazing + in absent fashion at the topmost rose on the climber in the porch, asked + whether I could take three! Added hopefully that the third was only a + boy. Excused myself. Heated debate with C.O. Subject: sheets. + Returned with me to explain to the Q.M.S. He smiled. C.O. accepted at + once, and, returning smile, expressed regret at size and position of + bedrooms available. Q.M.S. went off swinging cane jauntily. +</p> +<p> + July 17.—Billets arrived. Spoke to them about next Monday and canvas. + They seemed surprised. Strange how the military authorities decline to + take men into their confidence merely because they are privates. Let + them upstairs. They went (for first and last time) on tiptoe. +</p> +<p> + July 18.—Saw Q.M.S. Beddem in the town. Took shelter in the King's + Arms. +</p> +<p> + Jug. 3.—Went to Cornwall. +</p> +<p> + Aug. 31.—Returned. Billets received me very hospitably. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 4.—Private Budd, electrical engineer, dissatisfied with + appearance of bell-push in dining-room, altered it. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 5.—Bells out of order. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 6.—Private Merited, also an electrical engineer, helped Private + Budd to repair bells. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 7.—Private Budd helped Private Merited to repair bells. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 8.—Privates Budd and Merited helped each other to repair bells. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 9.—Sent to local tradesman to put my bells in order. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 15.—Told that Q.M.S. Beddem wished to see me. Saw C.O. first. + She thought he had possibly come to take some of the billets away. + Q.M.S. met my approach with a smile that re-minded me vaguely of picture- + postcards I had seen. Awfully sorry to trouble me, but Private Montease, + just back from three weeks' holiday with bronchitis, was sleeping in the + wood-shed on three planks and a tin-tack. Beamed at me and waited. Went + and bought another bed-stead. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 16.—Private Montease and a cough entered into residence. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 17, 11.45 p.m.—Maid came to bedroom-door with some cough lozenges + which she asked me to take to the new billet. Took them. Private + Montease thanked me, but said he didn't mind coughing. Said it was an + heirloom; Montease cough, known in highest circles all over Scotland + since time of Young Pretender. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 20.—Private Montease installed in easy-chair in dining-room with + touch of bronchitis, looking up trains to Bournemouth. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 21.—Private Montease in bed all day. Cook anxious "to do her + bit" rubbed his chest with home-made embrocation. Believe it is same + stuff she rubs chests in hall with. Smells the same anyway. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 24.—Private Montease, complaining of slight rawness of chest, but + otherwise well, returned to duty. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 5.—Cough worse again. Private Montease thinks that with care it + may turn to bronchitis. Borrowed an A.B.C. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 6.—Private Montease relates uncanny experience. Woke up with + feeling of suffocation to find an enormous black-currant and glycerine + jujube wedged in his gullet. Never owned such a thing in his life. + Seems to be unaware that he always sleeps with his mouth open. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 14.—Private Bowser, youngest and tallest of my billets, gazetted. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 15, 10.35 a.m.—Private Bowser in tip-top spirits said good-bye to + us all. +</p> +<p> + 10.45.—Told that Q.M.S. Beddem desired to see me. Capitulated. New + billet, Private Early, armed to the teeth, turned up in the evening. + Said that he was a Yorkshireman. Said that Yorkshire was the finest + county in England, and Yorkshiremen the finest men in the world. Stood + toying with his bayonet and waiting for contradiction. +</p> +<p> + Jan. 5, 1916.—Standing in the garden just after lunch was witness to + startling phenomenon. Q.M.S. Beddem came towards front-gate with a + smile so expansive that gate after first trembling violently on its + hinges swung open of its own accord. Q.M.S., with smile (sad), said he + was in trouble. Very old member of the Inns of Court, Private Keen, had + re-joined, and he wanted a good billet for him. Would cheerfully give up + his own bed, but it wasn't long enough. Not to be outdone in hospitality + by my own gate accepted Private Keen. Q.M.S. digging hole in my path + with toe of right boot, and for first and only time manifesting signs of + nervousness, murmured that two life-long friends of Private Keen's had + rejoined with him. Known as the Three Inseparables. Where they were to + sleep, unless I——. Fled to house, and locking myself in top-attic + watched Q.M.S. from window. He departed with bent head and swagger-cane + reversed. +</p> +<p> + Jan 6.—Private Keen arrived. Turned out to be son of an old Chief of + mine. Resolved not to visit the sins of the father on the head of a + child six feet two high and broad in proportion. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 6.—Private Keen came home with a temperature. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 7.—M.O. diagnosed influenza. Was afraid it would spread. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 8.—Warned the other four billets. They seemed amused. Pointed + out that influenza had no terrors for men in No. 2 Company, who were + doomed to weekly night-ops. under Major Carryon. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 9.—House strangely and pleasantly quiet. Went to see how Private + Keen was progressing, and found the other four billets sitting in a row + on his bed practising deep-breathing exercises. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 16.—Billets on night-ops. until late hour. Spoke in highest terms + of Major Carryon's marching powers—also in other terms. +</p> +<p> + March 3.—Waited up until midnight for Private Merited, who had gone to + Slough on his motor-bike. +</p> +<p> + March 4, 1.5 a.m.—Awakened by series of explosions from over-worked, or + badly-worked, motor-bike. Put head out of window and threw key to + Private Merited. He seemed excited. Said he had been chased all the way + from Chesham by a pink rat with yellow spots. Advised him to go to bed. + Set him an example. +</p> +<p> + 1.10. a.m.—Heard somebody in the pantry. 2.10. a.m.—Heard Private + Merited going upstairs to bed. +</p> +<p> + 2.16 a.m.—Heard Private Merited still going upstairs to bed. +</p> +<p> + 2.20-3.15. a.m.—Heard Private Merited getting to bed. +</p> +<p> + April 3, 12.30 a.m.—Town-hooter announced Zeppelins and excited soldier + called up my billets from their beds to go and frighten them off. + Pleasant to see superiority of billets over the hooter: that only emitted + three blasts. +</p> +<p> + 12.50 a.m.—Billets returned with exception of Private Merited, who was + retained for sake of his motor-bike. +</p> +<p> + 9 a.m.—On way to bath-room ran into Private Merited, who, looking very + glum and sleepy, inquired whether I had a copy of the Exchange and Mart + in the house. +</p> +<p> + 10 p.m.—Overheard billets discussing whether it was worth while removing + boots before going to bed until the Zeppelin scare was over. Joined in + discussion. +</p> +<p> + May 2.—Rumours that the Inns of Court were going under canvas. + Discredited them. +</p> +<p> + May 5.—Rumours grow stronger. +</p> +<p> + May 6.—Billets depressed. Begin to think perhaps there is something in + rumours after all. +</p> +<p> + May 9.-All doubts removed. Tents begin to spring up with the suddenness + of mushrooms in fields below Berkhamsted Place. +</p> +<p> + May 18, LIBERATION DAY.—Bade a facetious good-bye to my billets; + response lacking in bonhomie. +</p> +<p> + May 19.-House delightfully quiet. Presented caller of unkempt appearance + at back-door with remains of pair of military boots, three empty shaving- + stick tins, and a couple of partially bald tooth-brushes. +</p> +<p> + May 21.—In afternoon went round and looked at camp. Came home smiling, + and went to favourite seat in garden to smoke. Discovered Private Early + lying on it fast asleep. Went to study. Private Merited at table + writing long and well-reasoned letter to his tailor. As he said he could + never write properly with anybody else in the room, left him and went to + bath-room. Door locked. Peevish but familiar voice, with a Scotch + accent, asked me what I wanted; also complained of temperature of water. +</p> +<p> + May 22.—After comparing notes with neighbours, feel deeply grateful to + Q.M.S. Beddem for sending me the best six men in the corps. +</p> +<p> + July 15.—Feel glad to have been associated, however remotely and humbly, + with a corps, the names of whose members appear on the Roll of Honour of + every British regiment. +</p> + + +<br /><br /><br /><hr><br /><br /><br /> + + +<a name="2H_4_8"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2> + THE WINTER OFFENSIVE +</h2> +<br /><br /> +<p> + <i>N.B.—Having regard to the eccentricities of the Law of Libel it must be + distinctly understood that the following does not refer to the + distinguished officer, Lieut. Troup Horne, of the Inns of Court. + Anybody trying to cause mischief between a civilian of eight stone and a + soldier of seventeen by a statement to the contrary will hear from my + solicitors.</i> +</p> +<p> + Aug. 29, 1916.—We returned from the sea to find our house still our + own, and the military still in undisputed possession of the remains of + the grass in the fields of Berkhamsted Place. As in previous years, it + was impossible to go in search of wild-flowers without stumbling over + sleeping members of the Inns of Court; but war is war, and we grumble as + little as possible. +</p> +<p> + Sept. 28.—Unpleasant rumours to the effect that several members of the + Inns of Court had attributed cases of curvature of the spine to sleeping + on ground that had been insufficiently rolled. Also that they had been + heard to smack their lips and speak darkly of featherbeds. Respected + neighbour of gloomy disposition said that if Pharaoh were still alive he + could suggest an eleventh plague to him beside which frogs and flies were + an afternoon's diversion. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 3.—Householders of Berkhamsted busy mending bedsteads broken by + last year's billets, and buying patent taps for their beer-barrels. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 15.—Informed that a representative of the Army wished to see me. + Instead of my old friend Q.M.S. Beddem, who generally returns to life at + this time of year, found that it was an officer of magnificent presence + and two pips. A fine figure of a man, with a great resemblance to the + late lamented Bismarck, minus the moustache and the three hairs on the + top of the head. Asked him to be seated. He selected a chair that was + all arms and legs and no hips to speak of and crushed himself into it. + After which he unfastened his belt and "swelled wisibly afore my werry + eyes." Said that his name was True Born and asked if it made any + difference to me whether I had one officer or half-a-dozen men billeted + on me. Said that he was the officer, and that as the rank-and-file were + not allowed to pollute the same atmosphere, thought I should score. + After a mental review of all I could remember of the Weights and Measures + Table, accepted him. He bade a lingering farewell to the chair, and + departed. +</p> +<p> + Oct. 16.—Saw Q.M.S. Beddem on the other side of the road and gave him + an absolutely new thrill by crossing to meet him. Asked diffidently—as + diffidently as he could, that is—how many men my house would hold. + Replied eight—or ten at a pinch. He gave me a surprised and beaming + smile and whipped out a huge note-book. Informed him with as much regret + as I could put into a voice not always under perfect control, that I had + already got an officer. Q.M.S., favouring me with a look very + appropriate to the Devil's Own, turned on his heel and set off in pursuit + of a lady-billetee, pulling up short on the threshold of the baby-linen + shop in which she took refuge. Left him on guard with a Casablanca-like + look on his face. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 1.—Lieut. True Born took up his quarters with us. Gave him my + dressing-room for bedchamber. Was awakened several times in the night by + what I took to be Zeppelins, flying low. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 2.—Lieut. True Born offered to bet me five pounds to twenty that + the war would be over by 1922. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 3.—Offered to teach me auction-bridge. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 4.—Asked me whether I could play "shove ha'penny." +</p> +<p> + Nov. 10.—Lieut. True Born gave one of the regimental horses a riding- + lesson. Came home grumpy and went to bed early. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 13.—Another riding-lesson. Over-heard him asking one of the + maids whether there was such a thing as a water-bed in the house. +</p> +<p> + Nov. 17.—Complained bitterly of horse-copers. Said that his poor mount + was discovered to be suffering from saddle-soreness, broken wind, + splints, weak hocks, and two bones of the neck out of place. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 9.—7 p.m.—One of last year's billets, Private Merited, on leave + from a gunnery course, called to see me and to find out whether his old + bed had improved since last year. Left his motor-bike in the garage, and + the smell in front of the dining-room window. +</p> +<p> + 8 to 12 p.m.—Sat with Private Merited, listening to Lieut. True Born on + the mistakes of Wellington. +</p> +<p> + 12.5 a.m.—Rose to go to bed. Was about to turn out gas in hall when I + discovered the lieutenant standing with his face to the wall playing pat- + a-cake with it. Gave him three-parts of a tumbler of brandy. Said he + felt better and went upstairs. Arrived in his bed-room, he looked about + him carefully, and then, with a superb sweep of his left arm, swept the + best Chippendale looking-glass in the family off the dressing table and + dived face down-wards to the floor, missing death and the corner of the + chest of drawers by an inch. +</p> +<p> + 12:15 a.m.—Rolled him on to his back and got his feet on the bed. They + fell off again as soon as they were cleaner than the quilt. The + lieutenant, startled by the crash, opened his eyes and climbed into bed + unaided. +</p> +<p> + 12.20 a.m.—Sent Private Merited for the M.O., Captain Geranium. +</p> +<p> + 12.25 a.m.—Mixed a dose of brandy and castor-oil in a tumbler. Am told + it slips down like an oyster that way—bad oyster, I should think. + Lieut. True Born jibbed. Reminded him that England expects that every + man will take his castor-oil. Reply unprintable. Apologized a moment + later. Said that his mind was wandering and that he thought he was a + colonel. Reassured him. +</p> +<p> + 12.40 a.m.—Private Merited returned with the M.O. Latter nicely dressed + in musical-comedy pyjamas of ravishing hue, and great-coat, with rose- + tinted feet thrust into red morocco slippers. Held consultation and + explained my treatment. M.O. much impressed, anxious to know whether I + was a doctor. Told him "No," but that I knew all the ropes. First give + patient castor-oil, then diet him and call every day to make sure that he + doesn't like his food. After that, if he shows signs of getting well too + soon, give him a tonic. . . . M.O. stuffy. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 10.—M.O. diagnosed attack as due to something which True Born + believes to be tobacco, with which he disinfects the house, the + mess-sheds, and the streets of Berkhamsted. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 11.—True Born, shorn of thirteen pipes a day out of sixteen, + disparages the whole race of M.O.'s. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 14.—He obtains leave to attend wedding of a great-aunt and + ransacks London for a specialist who advocates strong tobacco. +</p> +<p> + Dec. 15.—He classes specialists with M.O.'s. Is surprised (and + apparently disappointed) that, so far, the breaking of the looking-glass + has brought me no ill-luck. Feel somewhat uneasy myself until glass is + repaired by local cabinet-maker. +</p> +<p> + Jan. 10, 1917.—Lieut. True Born starts to break in another horse. +</p> +<p> + Feb. 1.—Horse broken. +</p> +<p> + March 3.—Running short of tobacco, go to my billet's room and try a pipe + of his. Take all the remedies except the castor-oil. +</p> +<p> + April 4, 8.30 a.m.—Awakened by an infernal crash and discover that my + poor looking-glass is in pieces again on the floor. True Born explains + that its position, between the open door and the open window, was too + much for it. Don't believe a word of it. Shall believe to my dying day + that it burst in a frantic but hopeless attempt to tell Lieut. True Born + the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. +</p> +<p> + April 6.—The lieutenant watching for some sign of misfortune to me. + Says that I can't break a mirror twice without ill-luck following it. + Me! +</p> +<p> + April 9.—Lieut. True Born comes up to me with a face full of conflicting + emotions. "Your ill-luck has come at last," he says with gloomy + satisfaction. "We go under canvas on the 23rd. You are losing me!" +</p> + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + +***** This file should be named 11478-h.htm or 11478-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/7/11478/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + https://www.gutenberg.org/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/old/11478-h/cover.jpg b/old/11478-h/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..89580a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478-h/cover.jpg diff --git a/old/11478-h/title.jpg b/old/11478-h/title.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f25786 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478-h/title.jpg diff --git a/old/11478.txt b/old/11478.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..051f772 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478.txt @@ -0,0 +1,802 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Bedridden and The Winter Offensive + Deep Waters, Part 8. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11478] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +DEEP WATERS + +By W.W. JACOBS + + + +CONTENTS: + BEDRIDDEN + THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + + + +BEDRIDDEN + +July 12, 1915.--Disquieting rumours to the effect that epidemic of +Billetitis hitherto confined to the north of King's Road shows signs of +spreading. + +July 14.--Report that two Inns of Court men have been seen peeping over +my gate. + +July 16.--Informed that soldier of agreeable appearance and charming +manners requests interview with me. Took a dose of Phospherine and went. +Found composite photograph of French, Joffre, and Hindenburg waiting for +me in the hall. Smiled (he did, I mean) and gave me the mutilated form +of salute reserved for civilians. Introduced himself as Quartermaster- +Sergeant Beddem, and stated that the Inns of Court O.T.C. was going +under canvas next week. After which he gulped. Meantime could I take in +a billet. Questioned as to what day the corps was going into camp said +that he believed it was Monday, but was not quite sure--might possibly be +Tuesday. Swallowed again and coughed a little. Accepted billet and felt +completely re-warded by smile. Q.M.S. bade me good-bye, and then with +the air of a man suddenly remembering something, asked me whether I could +take two. Excused myself and interviewed my C.O. behind the dining-room +door. Came back and accepted. Q.M.S. so overjoyed (apparently) that he +fell over the scraper. Seemed to jog his memory. He paused, and gazing +in absent fashion at the topmost rose on the climber in the porch, asked +whether I could take three! Added hopefully that the third was only a +boy. Excused myself. Heated debate with C.O. Subject: sheets. +Returned with me to explain to the Q.M.S. He smiled. C.O. accepted at +once, and, returning smile, expressed regret at size and position of +bedrooms available. Q.M.S. went off swinging cane jauntily. + +July 17.--Billets arrived. Spoke to them about next Monday and canvas. +They seemed surprised. Strange how the military authorities decline to +take men into their confidence merely because they are privates. Let +them upstairs. They went (for first and last time) on tiptoe. + +July 18.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem in the town. Took shelter in the King's +Arms. + +Jug. 3.--Went to Cornwall. + +Aug. 31.--Returned. Billets received me very hospitably. + +Sept. 4.--Private Budd, electrical engineer, dissatisfied with +appearance of bell-push in dining-room, altered it. + +Sept. 5.--Bells out of order. + +Sept. 6.--Private Merited, also an electrical engineer, helped Private +Budd to repair bells. + +Sept. 7.--Private Budd helped Private Merited to repair bells. + +Sept. 8.--Privates Budd and Merited helped each other to repair bells. + +Sept. 9.--Sent to local tradesman to put my bells in order. + +Sept. 15.--Told that Q.M.S. Beddem wished to see me. Saw C.O. first. +She thought he had possibly come to take some of the billets away. +Q.M.S. met my approach with a smile that re-minded me vaguely of picture- +postcards I had seen. Awfully sorry to trouble me, but Private Montease, +just back from three weeks' holiday with bronchitis, was sleeping in the +wood-shed on three planks and a tin-tack. Beamed at me and waited. Went +and bought another bed-stead. + +Sept. 16.--Private Montease and a cough entered into residence. + +Sept. 17, 11.45 p.m.--Maid came to bedroom-door with some cough lozenges +which she asked me to take to the new billet. Took them. Private +Montease thanked me, but said he didn't mind coughing. Said it was an +heirloom; Montease cough, known in highest circles all over Scotland +since time of Young Pretender. + +Sept. 20.--Private Montease installed in easy-chair in dining-room with +touch of bronchitis, looking up trains to Bournemouth. + +Sept. 21.--Private Montease in bed all day. Cook anxious "to do her +bit" rubbed his chest with home-made embrocation. Believe it is same +stuff she rubs chests in hall with. Smells the same anyway. + +Sept. 24.--Private Montease, complaining of slight rawness of chest, but +otherwise well, returned to duty. + +Oct. 5.--Cough worse again. Private Montease thinks that with care it +may turn to bronchitis. Borrowed an A.B.C. + +Oct. 6.--Private Montease relates uncanny experience. Woke up with +feeling of suffocation to find an enormous black-currant and glycerine +jujube wedged in his gullet. Never owned such a thing in his life. +Seems to be unaware that he always sleeps with his mouth open. + +Nov. 14.--Private Bowser, youngest and tallest of my billets, gazetted. + +Nov. 15, 10.35 a.m.--Private Bowser in tip-top spirits said good-bye to +us all. + +10.45.--Told that Q.M.S. Beddem desired to see me. Capitulated. New +billet, Private Early, armed to the teeth, turned up in the evening. +Said that he was a Yorkshireman. Said that Yorkshire was the finest +county in England, and Yorkshiremen the finest men in the world. Stood +toying with his bayonet and waiting for contradiction. + +Jan. 5, 1916.--Standing in the garden just after lunch was witness to +startling phenomenon. Q.M.S. Beddem came towards front-gate with a +smile so expansive that gate after first trembling violently on its +hinges swung open of its own accord. Q.M.S., with smile (sad), said he +was in trouble. Very old member of the Inns of Court, Private Keen, had +re-joined, and he wanted a good billet for him. Would cheerfully give up +his own bed, but it wasn't long enough. Not to be outdone in hospitality +by my own gate accepted Private Keen. Q.M.S. digging hole in my path +with toe of right boot, and for first and only time manifesting signs of +nervousness, murmured that two life-long friends of Private Keen's had +rejoined with him. Known as the Three Inseparables. Where they were to +sleep, unless I----. Fled to house, and locking myself in top-attic +watched Q.M.S. from window. He departed with bent head and swagger-cane +reversed. + +Jan 6.--Private Keen arrived. Turned out to be son of an old Chief of +mine. Resolved not to visit the sins of the father on the head of a +child six feet two high and broad in proportion. + +Feb. 6.--Private Keen came home with a temperature. + +Feb. 7.--M.O. diagnosed influenza. Was afraid it would spread. + +Feb. 8.--Warned the other four billets. They seemed amused. Pointed +out that influenza had no terrors for men in No. 2 Company, who were +doomed to weekly night-ops. under Major Carryon. + +Feb. 9.--House strangely and pleasantly quiet. Went to see how Private +Keen was progressing, and found the other four billets sitting in a row +on his bed practising deep-breathing exercises. + +Feb. 16.--Billets on night-ops. until late hour. Spoke in highest terms +of Major Carryon's marching powers--also in other terms. + +March 3.--Waited up until midnight for Private Merited, who had gone to +Slough on his motor-bike. + +March 4, 1.5 a.m.--Awakened by series of explosions from over-worked, or +badly-worked, motor-bike. Put head out of window and threw key to +Private Merited. He seemed excited. Said he had been chased all the way +from Chesham by a pink rat with yellow spots. Advised him to go to bed. +Set him an example. + +1.10. a.m.--Heard somebody in the pantry. 2.10. a.m.--Heard Private +Merited going upstairs to bed. + +2.16 a.m.--Heard Private Merited still going upstairs to bed. + +2.20-3.15. a.m.--Heard Private Merited getting to bed. + +April 3, 12.30 a.m.--Town-hooter announced Zeppelins and excited soldier +called up my billets from their beds to go and frighten them off. +Pleasant to see superiority of billets over the hooter: that only emitted +three blasts. + +12.50 a.m.--Billets returned with exception of Private Merited, who was +retained for sake of his motor-bike. + +9 a.m.--On way to bath-room ran into Private Merited, who, looking very +glum and sleepy, inquired whether I had a copy of the Exchange and Mart +in the house. + +10 p.m.--Overheard billets discussing whether it was worth while removing +boots before going to bed until the Zeppelin scare was over. Joined in +discussion. + +May 2.--Rumours that the Inns of Court were going under canvas. +Discredited them. + +May 5.--Rumours grow stronger. + +May 6.--Billets depressed. Begin to think perhaps there is something in +rumours after all. + +May 9.-All doubts removed. Tents begin to spring up with the suddenness +of mushrooms in fields below Berkhamsted Place. + +May 18, LIBERATION DAY.--Bade a facetious good-bye to my billets; +response lacking in bonhomie. + +May 19.-House delightfully quiet. Presented caller of unkempt appearance +at back-door with remains of pair of military boots, three empty shaving- +stick tins, and a couple of partially bald tooth-brushes. + +May 21.--In afternoon went round and looked at camp. Came home smiling, +and went to favourite seat in garden to smoke. Discovered Private Early +lying on it fast asleep. Went to study. Private Merited at table +writing long and well-reasoned letter to his tailor. As he said he could +never write properly with anybody else in the room, left him and went to +bath-room. Door locked. Peevish but familiar voice, with a Scotch +accent, asked me what I wanted; also complained of temperature of water. + +May 22.--After comparing notes with neighbours, feel deeply grateful to +Q.M.S. Beddem for sending me the best six men in the corps. + +July 15.--Feel glad to have been associated, however remotely and humbly, +with a corps, the names of whose members appear on the Roll of Honour of +every British regiment. + + + + + + +THE WINTER OFFENSIVE + +_N.B.--Having regard to the eccentricities of the Law of Libel it must be +distinctly understood that the following does not refer to the +distinguished officer, Lieut. Troup Horne, of the Inns of Court. +Anybody trying to cause mischief between a civilian of eight stone and a +soldier of seventeen by a statement to the contrary will hear from my +solicitors._ + + +Aug. 29, 1916.--We returned from the sea to find our house still our +own, and the military still in undisputed possession of the remains of +the grass in the fields of Berkhamsted Place. As in previous years, it +was impossible to go in search of wild-flowers without stumbling over +sleeping members of the Inns of Court; but war is war, and we grumble as +little as possible. + +Sept. 28.--Unpleasant rumours to the effect that several members of the +Inns of Court had attributed cases of curvature of the spine to sleeping +on ground that had been insufficiently rolled. Also that they had been +heard to smack their lips and speak darkly of featherbeds. Respected +neighbour of gloomy disposition said that if Pharaoh were still alive he +could suggest an eleventh plague to him beside which frogs and flies were +an afternoon's diversion. + +Oct. 3.--Householders of Berkhamsted busy mending bedsteads broken by +last year's billets, and buying patent taps for their beer-barrels. + +Oct. 15.--Informed that a representative of the Army wished to see me. +Instead of my old friend Q.M.S. Beddem, who generally returns to life at +this time of year, found that it was an officer of magnificent presence +and two pips. A fine figure of a man, with a great resemblance to the +late lamented Bismarck, minus the moustache and the three hairs on the +top of the head. Asked him to be seated. He selected a chair that was +all arms and legs and no hips to speak of and crushed himself into it. +After which he unfastened his belt and "swelled wisibly afore my werry +eyes." Said that his name was True Born and asked if it made any +difference to me whether I had one officer or half-a-dozen men billeted +on me. Said that he was the officer, and that as the rank-and-file were +not allowed to pollute the same atmosphere, thought I should score. +After a mental review of all I could remember of the Weights and Measures +Table, accepted him. He bade a lingering farewell to the chair, and +departed. + +Oct. 16.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem on the other side of the road and gave him +an absolutely new thrill by crossing to meet him. Asked diffidently--as +diffidently as he could, that is--how many men my house would hold. +Replied eight--or ten at a pinch. He gave me a surprised and beaming +smile and whipped out a huge note-book. Informed him with as much regret +as I could put into a voice not always under perfect control, that I had +already got an officer. Q.M.S., favouring me with a look very +appropriate to the Devil's Own, turned on his heel and set off in pursuit +of a lady-billetee, pulling up short on the threshold of the baby-linen +shop in which she took refuge. Left him on guard with a Casablanca-like +look on his face. + +Nov. 1.--Lieut. True Born took up his quarters with us. Gave him my +dressing-room for bedchamber. Was awakened several times in the night by +what I took to be Zeppelins, flying low. + +Nov. 2.--Lieut. True Born offered to bet me five pounds to twenty that +the war would be over by 1922. + +Nov. 3.--Offered to teach me auction-bridge. + +Nov. 4.--Asked me whether I could play "shove ha'penny." + +Nov. 10.--Lieut. True Born gave one of the regimental horses a riding- +lesson. Came home grumpy and went to bed early. + +Nov. 13.--Another riding-lesson. Over-heard him asking one of the +maids whether there was such a thing as a water-bed in the house. + +Nov. 17.--Complained bitterly of horse-copers. Said that his poor mount +was discovered to be suffering from saddle-soreness, broken wind, +splints, weak hocks, and two bones of the neck out of place. + +Dec. 9.--7 p.m.--One of last year's billets, Private Merited, on leave +from a gunnery course, called to see me and to find out whether his old +bed had improved since last year. Left his motor-bike in the garage, and +the smell in front of the dining-room window. + +8 to 12 p.m.--Sat with Private Merited, listening to Lieut. True Born on +the mistakes of Wellington. + +12.5 a.m.--Rose to go to bed. Was about to turn out gas in hall when I +discovered the lieutenant standing with his face to the wall playing pat- +a-cake with it. Gave him three-parts of a tumbler of brandy. Said he +felt better and went upstairs. Arrived in his bed-room, he looked about +him carefully, and then, with a superb sweep of his left arm, swept the +best Chippendale looking-glass in the family off the dressing table and +dived face down-wards to the floor, missing death and the corner of the +chest of drawers by an inch. + +12:15 a.m.--Rolled him on to his back and got his feet on the bed. They +fell off again as soon as they were cleaner than the quilt. The +lieutenant, startled by the crash, opened his eyes and climbed into bed +unaided. + +12.20 a.m.--Sent Private Merited for the M.O., Captain Geranium. + +12.25 a.m.--Mixed a dose of brandy and castor-oil in a tumbler. Am told +it slips down like an oyster that way--bad oyster, I should think. +Lieut. True Born jibbed. Reminded him that England expects that every +man will take his castor-oil. Reply unprintable. Apologized a moment +later. Said that his mind was wandering and that he thought he was a +colonel. Reassured him. + +12.40 a.m.--Private Merited returned with the M.O. Latter nicely dressed +in musical-comedy pyjamas of ravishing hue, and great-coat, with rose- +tinted feet thrust into red morocco slippers. Held consultation and +explained my treatment. M.O. much impressed, anxious to know whether I +was a doctor. Told him "No," but that I knew all the ropes. First give +patient castor-oil, then diet him and call every day to make sure that he +doesn't like his food. After that, if he shows signs of getting well too +soon, give him a tonic. . . . M.O. stuffy. + +Dec. 10.--M.O. diagnosed attack as due to something which True Born +believes to be tobacco, with which he disinfects the house, the +mess-sheds, and the streets of Berkhamsted. + +Dec. 11.--True Born, shorn of thirteen pipes a day out of sixteen, +disparages the whole race of M.O.'s. + +Dec. 14.--He obtains leave to attend wedding of a great-aunt and +ransacks London for a specialist who advocates strong tobacco. + +Dec. 15.--He classes specialists with M.O.'s. Is surprised (and +apparently disappointed) that, so far, the breaking of the looking-glass +has brought me no ill-luck. Feel somewhat uneasy myself until glass is +repaired by local cabinet-maker. + +Jan. 10, 1917.--Lieut. True Born starts to break in another horse. + +Feb. 1.--Horse broken. + +March 3.--Running short of tobacco, go to my billet's room and try a pipe +of his. Take all the remedies except the castor-oil. + +April 4, 8.30 a.m.--Awakened by an infernal crash and discover that my +poor looking-glass is in pieces again on the floor. True Born explains +that its position, between the open door and the open window, was too +much for it. Don't believe a word of it. Shall believe to my dying day +that it burst in a frantic but hopeless attempt to tell Lieut. True Born +the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. + +April 6.--The lieutenant watching for some sign of misfortune to me. +Says that I can't break a mirror twice without ill-luck following it. +Me! + +April 9.--Lieut. True Born comes up to me with a face full of conflicting +emotions. "Your ill-luck has come at last," he says with gloomy +satisfaction. "We go under canvas on the 23rd. You are losing me!" + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Bedridden and The Winter Offensive, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEDRIDDEN AND THE WINTER OFFENSIVE *** + +***** This file should be named 11478.txt or 11478.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/7/11478/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + https://www.gutenberg.org/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + diff --git a/old/11478.zip b/old/11478.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..222fa01 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11478.zip |
