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diff --git a/old/11476-h.zip b/old/11476-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc8db74 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11476-h.zip diff --git a/old/11476-h/001.jpg b/old/11476-h/001.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f003e6a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11476-h/001.jpg diff --git a/old/11476-h/003.jpg b/old/11476-h/003.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c9f7c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11476-h/003.jpg diff --git a/old/11476-h/11476-h.htm b/old/11476-h/11476-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bfde40f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11476-h/11476-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1285 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"> +<meta content="pg2html (binary version 0.11)" + name="generator"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of + Deep Waters: HUSBANDRY + by W.W. Jacobs. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background:#faebd7} + * { font-family: Times; + } + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin: 15%; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; color:#A82C28} + HR { width: 33%; } + PRE { font-family: Courier, monospaced;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; font-size: 14pt; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + // --> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Husbandry, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Husbandry + Deep Waters, Part 6. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11476] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUSBANDRY *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="cover (95K)" src="cover.jpg" height="787" width="632" /> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + +<h1> + DEEP WATERS +</h1> +<center><h2> + By W.W. JACOBS +</h2></center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<img alt="title (39K)" src="title.jpg" height="617" width="488" /> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="001 (37K)" src="001.jpg" height="670" width="480" /> +</center> +<br><br> + +<br><br><hr><br><br> + + + + + +<a name="2H_4_6"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1> + HUSBANDRY +</h1> +<br /><br /> +<p> + Dealing with a man, said the night-watchman, thoughtfully, is as easy as + a teetotaller walking along a nice wide pavement; dealing with a woman is + like the same teetotaller, arter four or five whiskies, trying to get up + a step that ain't there. If a man can't get 'is own way he eases 'is + mind with a little nasty language, and then forgets all about it; if a + woman can't get 'er own way she flies into a temper and reminds you of + something you oughtn't to ha' done ten years ago. Wot a woman would do + whose 'usband had never done anything wrong I can't think. +</p> +<p> + I remember a young feller telling me about a row he 'ad with 'is wife + once. He 'adn't been married long and he talked as if the way she + carried on was unusual. Fust of all, he said, she spoke to 'im in a + cooing sort o' voice and pulled his moustache, then when he wouldn't give + way she worked herself up into a temper and said things about 'is sister. + Arter which she went out o' the room and banged the door so hard it blew + down a vase off the fireplace. Four times she came back to tell 'im + other things she 'ad thought of, and then she got so upset she 'ad to go + up to bed and lay down instead of getting his tea. When that didn't do + no good she refused her food, and when 'e took her up toast and tea she + wouldn't look at it. Said she wanted to die. He got quite uneasy till + 'e came 'ome the next night and found the best part of a loaf o' bread, a + quarter o' butter, and a couple o' chops he 'ad got in for 'is supper had + gorn; and then when he said 'e was glad she 'ad got 'er appetite back she + turned round and said that he grudged 'er the food she ate. +</p> +<p> + And no woman ever owned up as 'ow she was wrong; and the more you try and + prove it to 'em the louder they talk about something else. I know wot + I'm talking about because a woman made a mistake about me once, and + though she was proved to be in the wrong, and it was years ago, my missus + shakes her 'ead about it to this day. +</p> +<p> + It was about eight years arter I 'ad left off going to sea and took up + night-watching. A beautiful summer evening it was, and I was sitting by + the gate smoking a pipe till it should be time to light up, when I + noticed a woman who 'ad just passed turn back and stand staring at me. + I've 'ad that sort o' thing before, and I went on smoking and looking + straight in front of me. Fat middle-aged woman she was, wot 'ad lost her + good looks and found others. She stood there staring and staring, and by + and by she tries a little cough. +</p> +<p> + I got up very slow then, and, arter looking all round at the evening, + without seeing 'er, I was just going to step inside and shut the wicket, + when she came closer. +</p> +<p> + "Bill!" she ses, in a choking sort o' voice. +</p> +<p> + "Bill!" +</p> +<p> + I gave her a look that made her catch 'er breath, and I was just stepping + through the wicket, when she laid hold of my coat and tried to hold me + back. +</p> +<p> + "Do you know wot you're a-doing of?" I ses, turning on her. +</p> +<p> + "Oh, Bill dear," she ses, "don't talk to me like that. Do you want to + break my 'art? Arter all these years!" +</p> +<p> + She pulled out a dirt-coloured pocket-'ankercher and stood there dabbing + her eyes with it. One eye at a time she dabbed, while she looked at me + reproachful with the other. And arter eight dabs, four to each eye, she + began to sob as if her 'art would break. +</p> +<p> + "Go away," I ses, very slow. "You can't stand making that noise outside + my wharf. Go away and give somebody else a treat." +</p> +<p> + Afore she could say anything the potman from the Tiger, a nasty ginger- + 'aired little chap that nobody liked, come by and stopped to pat her on + the back. +</p> +<p> + "There, there, don't take on, mother," he ses. "Wot's he been a-doing to + you?" +</p> +<p> + "You get off 'ome," I ses, losing my temper. +</p> +<p> + "Wot d'ye mean trying to drag me into it? I've never seen the woman + afore in my life." +</p> +<p> + "Oh, Bill!" ses the woman, sobbing louder than ever. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" +</p> +<p> + "'Ow does she know your name, then?" ses the little beast of a potman. +</p> +<p> + I didn't answer him. I might have told 'im that there's about five + million Bills in England, but I didn't. I stood there with my arms + folded acrost my chest, and looked at him, superior. +</p> +<p> + "Where 'ave you been all this long, long time?" she ses, between her + sobs. "Why did you leave your happy 'ome and your children wot loved + you?" +</p> +<p> + The potman let off a whistle that you could have 'eard acrost the river, + and as for me, I thought I should ha' dropped. To have a woman standing + sobbing and taking my character away like that was a'most more than I + could bear. +</p> +<p> + "Did he run away from you?" ses the potman. +</p> +<p> + "Ye-ye-yes," she ses. "He went off on a vy'ge to China over nine years + ago, and that's the last I saw of 'im till to-night. A lady friend o' + mine thought she reckernized 'im yesterday, and told me." +</p> +<p> + "I shouldn't cry over 'im," ses the potman, shaking his 'ead: "he ain't + worth it. If I was you I should just give 'im a bang or two over the + 'ead with my umberella, and then give 'im in charge." +</p> +<p> + I stepped inside the wicket—backwards—and then I slammed it in their + faces, and putting the key in my pocket, walked up the wharf. I knew it + was no good standing out there argufying. I felt sorry for the pore + thing in a way. If she really thought I was her 'usband, and she 'ad + lost me—— I put one or two things straight and then, for the sake of + distracting my mind, I 'ad a word or two with the skipper of the John + Henry, who was leaning against the side of his ship, smoking. +</p> +<p> + "Wot's that tapping noise?" he ses, all of a sudden. "'Ark!" +</p> +<p> + I knew wot it was. It was the handle of that umberella 'ammering on the + gate. I went cold all over, and then when I thought that the pot-man was + most likely encouraging 'er to do it I began to boil. +</p> +<p> + "Somebody at the gate," ses the skipper. +</p> +<p> + "Aye, aye," I ses. "I know all about it." +</p> +<p> + I went on talking until at last the skipper asked me whether he was + wandering in 'is mind, or whether I was. The mate came up from the cabin + just then, and o' course he 'ad to tell me there was somebody knocking at + the gate. +</p> +<p> + "Ain't you going to open it?" ses the skipper, staring at me. +</p> +<p> + "Let 'em ring," I ses, off-hand. +</p> +<p> + The words was 'ardly out of my mouth afore they did ring, and if they 'ad + been selling muffins they couldn't ha' kept it up harder. And all the + time the umberella was doing rat-a-tat tats on the gate, while a voice— + much too loud for the potman's—started calling out: "Watch-man ahoy!" +</p> +<p> + "They're calling you, Bill," ses the skipper. "I ain't deaf," I ses, + very cold. +</p> +<p> + "Well, I wish I was," ses the skipper. "It's fair making my ear ache. + Why the blazes don't you do your dooty, and open the gate?" +</p> +<p> + "You mind your bisness and I'll mind mine," I ses. "I know wot I'm + doing. It's just some silly fools 'aving a game with me, and I'm not + going to encourage 'em." +</p> +<p> + "Game with you?" ses the skipper. "Ain't they got anything better than + that to play with? Look 'ere, if you don't open that gate, I will." +</p> +<p> + "It's nothing to do with you," I ses. "You look arter your ship and I'll + look arter my wharf. See? If you don't like the noise, go down in the + cabin and stick your 'ead in a biscuit-bag." +</p> +<p> + To my surprise he took the mate by the arm and went, and I was just + thinking wot a good thing it was to be a bit firm with people sometimes, + when they came back dressed up in their coats and bowler-hats and climbed + on to the wharf. +</p> +<p> + "Watchman!" ses the skipper, in a hoity-toity sort o' voice, "me and the + mate is going as far as Aldgate for a breath o' fresh air. Open the + gate." +</p> +<p> + I gave him a look that might ha' melted a 'art of stone, and all it done + to 'im was to make 'im laugh. +</p> +<p> + "Hurry up," he ses. "It a'most seems to me that there's somebody ringing + the bell, and you can let them in same time as you let us out. Is it the + bell, or is it my fancy, Joe?" he ses, turning to the mate. +</p> +<p> + They marched on in front of me with their noses cocked in the air, and + all the time the noise at the gate got worse and worse. So far as I + could make out, there was quite a crowd outside, and I stood there with + the key in the lock, trembling all over. Then I unlocked it very + careful, and put my hand on the skipper's arm. +</p> +<p> + "Nip out quick," I ses, in a whisper. +</p> +<p> + "I'm in no hurry," ses the skipper. "Here! Halloa, wot's up?" +</p> +<p> + It was like opening the door at a theatre, and the fust one through was + that woman, shoved behind by the potman. Arter 'im came a car-man, two + big 'ulking brewers' draymen, a little scrap of a woman with 'er bonnet + cocked over one eye, and a couple of dirty little boys. +</p> +<p> + "Wot is it?" ses the skipper, shutting the wicket behind 'em. "A + beanfeast?" +</p> +<p> + "This lady wants her 'usband," ses the pot-man, pointing at me. "He run + away from her nine years ago, and now he says he 'as never seen 'er + before. He ought to be 'ung." +</p> +<p> + "Bill," ses the skipper, shaking his silly 'ead at me. "I can 'ardly + believe it." +</p> +<p> + "It's all a pack o' silly lies," I ses, firing up. "She's made a + mistake." +</p> +<p> + "She made a mistake when she married you," ses the thin little woman. + "If I was in 'er shoes I'd take 'old of you and tear you limb from limb." +</p> +<p> + "I don't want to hurt 'im, ma'am," ses the other woman. "I on'y want him + to come 'ome to me and my five. Why, he's never seen the youngest, + little Annie. She's as like 'im as two peas." +</p> +<p> + "Pore little devil," ses the carman. +</p> +<p> + "Look here!" I ses, "you clear off. All of you. 'Ow dare you come on to + my wharf? If you aren't gone in two minutes I'll give you all in + charge." +</p> +<p> + "Who to?" ses one of the draymen, sticking his face into mine. "You go + 'ome to your wife and kids. Go on now, afore I put up my 'ands to you." +</p> +<p> + "That's the way to talk to 'im," ses the pot-man, nodding at 'em. +</p> +<p> + They all began to talk to me then and tell me wot I was to do, and wot + they would do if I didn't. I couldn't get a word in edgeways. When I + reminded the mate that when he was up in London 'e always passed himself + off as a single man, 'e wouldn't listen; and when I asked the skipper + whether 'is pore missus was blind, he on'y went on shouting at the top of + 'is voice. It on'y showed me 'ow anxious most people are that everybody + else should be good. +</p> +<p> + I thought they was never going to stop, and, if it 'adn't been for a fit + of coughing, I don't believe that the scraggy little woman could ha' + stopped. Arter one o' the draymen 'ad saved her life and spoilt 'er + temper by patting 'er on the back with a hand the size of a leg o' + mutton, the carman turned to me and told me to tell the truth, if it + choked me. +</p> +<p> + "I have told you the truth," I ses. "She ses I'm her 'usband and I say I + ain't. Ow's she going to prove it? Why should you believe her, and not + me?" +</p> +<p> + "She's got a truthful face," ses the carman. +</p> +<p> + "Look here!" ses the skipper, speaking very slow, "I've got an idea, + wot'll settle it p'raps. You get outside," he ses, turning sharp on the + two little boys. +</p> +<p> + One o' the draymen 'elped 'em to go out, and 'arf a minute arterwards a + stone came over the gate and cut the potman's lip open. Boys will be + boys. +</p> +<p> + "Now!" ses the skipper, turning to the woman, and smiling with + conceitedness. "Had your 'usband got any marks on 'im? Birth-mark, or + moles, or anything of that sort?" +</p> +<p> + "I'm sure he is my 'usband," ses the woman, dabbing her eyes. +</p> +<p> + "Yes, yes," ses the skipper, "but answer my question. If you can tell us + any marks your 'usband had, we can take Bill down into my cabin and——" +</p> +<p> + "You'll do WOT?" I ses, in a loud voice. +</p> +<p> + "You speak when you're spoke to," ses the carman. "It's got nothing to + do with you." +</p> +<p> + "No, he ain't got no birthmarks," ses the woman, speaking very slow—and + I could see she was afraid of making a mistake and losing me—"but he's + got tattoo marks. He's got a mermaid tattooed on 'im." +</p> +<p> + "Where?" ses the skipper, a'most jumping. +</p> +<p> + I 'eld my breath. Five sailormen out of ten have been tattooed with + mermaids, and I was one of 'em. When she spoke agin I thought I should + ha' dropped. +</p> +<p> + "On 'is right arm," she ses, "unless he's 'ad it rubbed off." +</p> +<p> + "You can't rub out tattoo marks," ses the skipper. +</p> +<p> + They all stood looking at me as if they was waiting for something. I + folded my arms—tight—and stared back at 'em. +</p> +<p> + "If you ain't this lady's 'usband," ses the skipper, turning to me, "you + can take off your coat and prove it." +</p> +<p> + "And if you don't we'll take it off for you," ses the carman, coming a + bit closer. +</p> +<p> + Arter that things 'appened so quick, I hardly knew whether I was standing + on my 'cad or my heels. Both, I think. They was all on top o' me at + once, and the next thing I can remember is sitting on the ground in my + shirt-sleeves listening to the potman, who was making a fearful fuss + because somebody 'ad bit his ear 'arf off. My coat was ripped up the + back, and one of the draymen was holding up my arm and showing them all + the mermaid, while the other struck matches so as they could see better." +</p> +<p> + "That's your 'usband right enough," he ses to the woman. "Take 'im." +</p> +<p> + "P'raps she'll carry 'im 'ome," I ses, very fierce and sarcastic. +</p> +<p> + "And we don't want none of your lip," ses the carman, who was in a bad + temper because he 'ad got a fearful kick on the shin from somewhere. +</p> +<p> + I got up very slow and began to put my coat on again, and twice I 'ad to + tell that silly woman that when I wanted her 'elp I'd let 'er know. Then + I 'eard slow, heavy footsteps in the road outside, and, afore any of 'em + could stop me, I was calling for the police. +</p> +<p> + I don't like policemen as a rule; they're too inquisitive, but when the + wicket was pushed open and I saw a face with a helmet on it peeping in, I + felt quite a liking for 'em. +</p> +<p> + "Wot's up?" ses the policeman, staring 'ard at my little party. +</p> +<p> + They all started telling 'im at once, and I should think if the potman + showed him 'is ear once he showed it to 'im twenty times. He lost his + temper and pushed it away at last, and the potman gave a 'owl that set my + teeth on edge. I waited till they was all finished, and the policeman + trying to get 'is hearing back, and then I spoke up in a quiet way and + told 'im to clear them all off of my wharf. +</p> +<p> + "They're trespassing," I ses, "all except the skipper and mate here. + They belong to a little wash-tub that's laying alongside, and they're + both as 'armless as they look." +</p> +<p> + It's wonderful wot a uniform will do. The policeman just jerked his 'ead + and said "out-side," and the men went out like a flock of sheep. The + on'y man that said a word was the carman, who was in such a hurry that 'e + knocked his bad shin against my foot as 'e went by. The thin little + woman was passed out by the policeman in the middle of a speech she was + making, and he was just going for the other, when the skipper stopped + 'im. +</p> +<p> + "This lady is coming on my ship," he ses, puffing out 'is chest. +</p> +<p> + I looked at 'im, and then I turned to the policeman. "So long as she + goes off my wharf, I don't mind where she goes," I ses. "The skipper's + goings-on 'ave got nothing to do with me." +</p> +<p> + "Then she can foller him 'ome in the morning," ses the skipper. "Good + night, watch-man." +</p> +<p> + Him and the mate 'elped the silly old thing to the ship, and, arter I 'ad + been round to the Bear's Head and fetched a pint for the police-man, I + locked up and sat down to think things out; and the more I thought the + worse they seemed. I've 'eard people say that if you have a clear + conscience nothing can hurt you. They didn't know my missus. +</p> +<p> + I got up at last and walked on to the jetty, and the woman, wot was + sitting on the deck of the John Henry, kept calling out: "Bill!" like a + sick baa-lamb crying for its ma. I went back, and 'ad four pints at the + Bear's Head, but it didn't seem to do me any good, and at last I went and + sat down in the office to wait for morning. +</p> +<p> + It came at last, a lovely morning with a beautiful sunrise; and that + woman sitting up wide awake, waiting to foller me 'ome. When I opened + the gate at six o'clock she was there with the mate and the skipper, + waiting, and when I left at five minutes past she was trotting along + beside me. +</p> +<p> + Twice I stopped and spoke to 'er, but it was no good. Other people + stopped too, and I 'ad to move on agin; and every step was bringing me + nearer to my house and the missus. +</p> +<p> + I turned into our street, arter passing it three times, and the first + thing I saw was my missus standing on the doorstep 'aving a few words + with the lady next door. Then she 'appened to look up and see us, just + as that silly woman was trying to walk arm-in-arm. +</p> +<p> + Twice I knocked her 'and away, and then, right afore my wife and the + party next door, she put her arm round my waist. By the time I got to + the 'ouse my legs was trembling so I could hardly stand, and when I got + into the passage I 'ad to lean up against the wall for a bit. +</p> +<a name="image-4"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="003.jpg" height="744" width="493" +alt="Right Afore My Wife and the Party Next Door She Put Her +Arm Round My Waist. +"> +</center> +<!--IMAGE END--> +<p> + "Keep 'er out," I ses. +</p> +<p> + "Wot do you want?" ses my missus, trembling with passion. "Wot do you + think you're doing?" +</p> +<p> + "I want my 'usband, Bill," ses the woman. +</p> +<p> + My missus put her 'and to her throat and came in without a word, and the + woman follered 'er. If I hadn't kept my presence o' mind and shut the + door two or three more would 'ave come in too. +</p> +<p> + I went into the kitchen about ten minutes arterwards to see 'ow they was + getting on. Besides which they was both calling for me. +</p> +<p> + "Now then!" ses my missus, who was leaning up against the dresser with + 'er arms folded, "wot 'ave you got to say for yourself walking in as bold + as brass with this hussy?" +</p> +<p> + "Bill!" ses the woman, "did you hear wot she called me?" +</p> +<p> + She spoke to me like that afore my wife, and in two minutes they was at + it, hammer and tongs. +</p> +<p> + Fust of all they spoke about each other, and then my missus started + speaking about me. She's got a better memory than most people, because + she can remember things that never 'appened, and every time I coughed she + turned on me like a tiger. +</p> +<p> + "And as for you," she ses, turning to the woman, "if you did marry 'im + you should ha' made sure that he 'adn't got a wife already." +</p> +<p> + "He married me fust," ses the woman. +</p> +<p> + "When?" ses my wife. "Wot was the date?" +</p> +<p> + "Wot was the date you married 'im?" ses the other one. +</p> +<p> + They stood looking at each other like a couple o' game-cocks, and I could + see as plain as a pike-staff 'ow frightened both of 'em was o' losing me. +</p> +<p> + "Look here!" I ses at last, to my missus, "talk sense. 'Ow could I be + married to 'er? When I was at sea I was at sea, and when I was ashore I + was with you." +</p> +<p> + "Did you use to go down to the ship to see 'im off?" ses the woman. +</p> +<p> + "No," ses my wife. "I'd something better to do." +</p> +<p> + "Neither did I," ses the woman. "P'raps that's where we both made a + mistake." +</p> +<p> + "You get out of my 'ouse!" ses my missus, very sudden. "Go on, afore I + put you out." +</p> +<p> + "Not without my Bill," ses the woman. "If you lay a finger on me I'll + scream the house down." +</p> +<p> + "You brought her 'ere," ses my wife, turning to me, "now you can take 'er + away?" +</p> +<p> + "I didn't bring 'er," I ses. "She follered me." +</p> +<p> + "Well, she can foller you agin," she ses. "Go on!" she ses, trembling + all over. "Git out afore I start on you." +</p> +<p> + I was in such a temper that I daren't trust myself to stop. I just gave + 'er one look, and then I drew myself up and went out. 'Alf the fools in + our street was standing in front of the 'ouse, 'umming like bees, but I + took no notice. I held my 'ead up and walked through them with that + woman trailing arter me. +</p> +<p> + I was in such a state of mind that I went on like a man in a dream. If + it had ha' been a dream I should ha' pushed 'er under an omnibus, but you + can't do things like that in real life. +</p> +<p> + "Penny for your thoughts, Bill," she ses. I didn't answer her. +</p> +<p> + "Why don't you speak to me?" she ses. +</p> +<p> + "You don't know wot you're asking for," I ses. +</p> +<p> + I was hungry and sleepy, and 'ow I was going to get through the day I + couldn't think. I went into a pub and 'ad a couple o' pints o' stout and + a crust o' bread and cheese for brekfuss. I don't know wot she 'ad, but + when the barman tried to take for it out o' my money, I surprised 'im. +</p> +<p> + We walked about till I was ready to drop. Then we got to Victoria Park, + and I 'ad no sooner got on to the grass than I laid down and went + straight off to sleep. It was two o'clock when I woke, and, arter a + couple o' pork-pies and a pint or two, I sat on a seat in the Park + smoking, while she kep' dabbing 'er eyes agin and asking me to come 'ome. +</p> +<p> + At five o'clock I got up to go back to the wharf, and, taking no notice + of 'er, I walked into the street and jumped on a 'bus that was passing. + She jumped too, and, arter the conductor had 'elped 'er up off of 'er + knees and taken her arms away from his waist, I'm blest if he didn't turn + on me and ask me why I 'adn't left her at 'ome. +</p> +<p> + We got to the wharf just afore six. The John Henry 'ad gorn, but the + skipper 'ad done all the 'arm he could afore he sailed, and, if I 'adn't + kept my temper, I should ha' murdered arf a dozen of 'em. +</p> +<p> + The woman wanted to come on to the wharf, but I 'ad a word or two with + one o' the fore-men, who owed me arf-a-dollar, and he made that all + right. +</p> +<p> + "We all 'ave our faults, Bill," he ses as 'e went out, "and I suppose she + was better looking once upon a time?" +</p> +<p> + I didn't answer 'im. I shut the wicket arter 'im, quick, and turned the + key, and then I went on with my work. For a long time everything was as + quiet as the grave, and then there came just one little pull at the bell. + Five minutes arterwards there was another. +</p> +<p> + I thought it was that woman, but I 'ad to make sure. When it came the + third time I crept up to the gate. +</p> +<p> + "Halloa!" I ses. "Who is it?" +</p> +<p> + "Me, darling," ses a voice I reckernized as the potman's. "Your missus + wants to come in and sit down." +</p> +<p> + I could 'ear several people talking, and it seemed to me there was quite + a crowd out there, and by and by that bell was going like mad. Then + people started kicking the gate, and shouting, but I took no notice + until, presently, it left off all of a sudden, and I 'eard a loud voice + asking what it was all about. I suppose there was about fifty of 'em all + telling it at once, and then there was the sound of a fist on the gate. +</p> +<p> + "Who is it?" I ses. +</p> +<p> + "Police," ses the voice. +</p> +<p> + I opened the wicket then and looked out. A couple o' policemen was + standing by the gate and arf the riff-raff of Wapping behind 'em. +</p> +<p> + "Wot's all this about?" ses one o' the policemen. +</p> +<p> + I shook my 'ead. "Ask me another," I ses. "Your missus is causing a + disturbance," he ses. +</p> +<p> + "She's not my missus," I ses; "she's a complete stranger to me." +</p> +<p> + "And causing a crowd to collect and refusing to go away," ses the other + policeman. +</p> +<p> + "That's your business," I ses. "It's nothing to do with me." +</p> +<p> + They talked to each other for a moment, and then they spoke to the woman. + I didn't 'ear wot she said, but I saw her shake her 'ead, and a'most + direckly arterwards she was marching away between the two policemen with + the crowd follering and advising 'er where to kick 'em. +</p> +<p> + I was a bit worried at fust—not about her—and then I began to think + that p'raps it was the best thing that could have 'appened. +</p> +<p> + I went 'ome in the morning with a load lifted off my mind; but I 'adn't + been in the 'ouse two seconds afore my missus started to put it on agin. + Fust of all she asked me 'ow I dared to come into the 'ouse, and then she + wanted to know wot I meant by leaving her at 'ome and going out for the + day with another woman. +</p> +<p> + "You told me to," I ses. +</p> +<p> + "Oh, yes," she ses, trembling with temper. "You always do wot I tell + you, don't you? Al-ways 'ave, especially when it's anything you like." +</p> +<p> + She fetched a bucket o' water and scrubbed the kitchen while I was having + my brekfuss, but I kept my eye on 'er, and, the moment she 'ad finished, + I did the perlite and emptied the bucket for 'er, to prevent mistakes. +</p> +<p> + I read about the case in the Sunday paper, and I'm thankful to say my + name wasn't in it. All the magistrate done was to make 'er promise that + she wouldn't do it again, and then he let 'er go. I should ha' felt more + comfortable if he 'ad given 'er five years, but, as it turned out, it + didn't matter. Her 'usband happened to read it, and, whether 'e was + tired of living alone, or whether he was excited by 'caring that she 'ad + got a little general shop, 'e went back to her. +</p> +<p> + The fust I knew about it was they came round to the wharf to see me. He + 'ad been a fine-looking chap in 'is day, and even then 'e was enough like + me for me to see 'ow she 'ad made the mistake; and all the time she was + telling me 'ow it 'appened, he was looking me up and down and sniffing. +</p> +<p> + "'Ave you got a cold?" I ses, at last. +</p> +<p> + "Wot's that got to do with you?" he ses. "Wot do you mean by walking out + with my wife? That's what I've come to talk about." +</p> +<p> + For a moment I thought that his bad luck 'ad turned 'is brain. "You've + got it wrong," I ses, as soon as I could speak. "She walked out with + me." +</p> +<p> + "Cos she thought you was her 'usband," he ses, "but you didn't think you + was me, did you?" +</p> +<p> + "'Course I didn't," I ses. +</p> +<p> + "Then 'ow dare you walk out with 'er?" he ses. +</p> +<p> + "Look 'ere!" I ses. "You get off 'ome as quick as you like. I've 'ad + about enough of your family. Go on, hook it." +</p> +<p> + Afore I could put my 'ands up he 'it me hard in the mouth, and the next + moment we was at it as 'ard as we could go. Nearly every time I hit 'im + he wasn't there, and every time 'e hit me I wished I hadn't ha' been. + When I said I had 'ad enough, 'e contradicted me and kept on, but he got + tired of it at last, and, arter telling me wot he would do if I ever + walked 'is wife out agin, they went off like a couple o' love-birds. +</p> +<p> + By the time I got 'ome next morning my eyes was so swelled up I could + 'ardly see, and my nose wouldn't let me touch it. I was so done up I + could 'ardly speak, but I managed to tell my missus about it arter I had + 'ad a cup o' tea. Judging by her face anybody might ha' thought I was + telling 'er something funny, and, when I 'ad finished, she looks up at + the ceiling and ses: +</p> +<p> + "I 'ope it'll be a lesson to you," she ses. +</p> + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Husbandry, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUSBANDRY *** + +***** This file should be named 11476-h.htm or 11476-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/7/11476/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Husbandry + Deep Waters, Part 6. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11476] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUSBANDRY *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +DEEP WATERS + +By W.W. JACOBS + + + + +HUSBANDRY + +Dealing with a man, said the night-watchman, thoughtfully, is as easy as +a teetotaller walking along a nice wide pavement; dealing with a woman is +like the same teetotaller, arter four or five whiskies, trying to get up +a step that ain't there. If a man can't get 'is own way he eases 'is +mind with a little nasty language, and then forgets all about it; if a +woman can't get 'er own way she flies into a temper and reminds you of +something you oughtn't to ha' done ten years ago. Wot a woman would do +whose 'usband had never done anything wrong I can't think. + +I remember a young feller telling me about a row he 'ad with 'is wife +once. He 'adn't been married long and he talked as if the way she +carried on was unusual. Fust of all, he said, she spoke to 'im in a +cooing sort o' voice and pulled his moustache, then when he wouldn't give +way she worked herself up into a temper and said things about 'is sister. +Arter which she went out o' the room and banged the door so hard it blew +down a vase off the fireplace. Four times she came back to tell 'im +other things she 'ad thought of, and then she got so upset she 'ad to go +up to bed and lay down instead of getting his tea. When that didn't do +no good she refused her food, and when 'e took her up toast and tea she +wouldn't look at it. Said she wanted to die. He got quite uneasy till +'e came 'ome the next night and found the best part of a loaf o' bread, a +quarter o' butter, and a couple o' chops he 'ad got in for 'is supper had +gorn; and then when he said 'e was glad she 'ad got 'er appetite back she +turned round and said that he grudged 'er the food she ate. + +And no woman ever owned up as 'ow she was wrong; and the more you try and +prove it to 'em the louder they talk about something else. I know wot +I'm talking about because a woman made a mistake about me once, and +though she was proved to be in the wrong, and it was years ago, my missus +shakes her 'ead about it to this day. + +It was about eight years arter I 'ad left off going to sea and took up +night-watching. A beautiful summer evening it was, and I was sitting by +the gate smoking a pipe till it should be time to light up, when I +noticed a woman who 'ad just passed turn back and stand staring at me. +I've 'ad that sort o' thing before, and I went on smoking and looking +straight in front of me. Fat middle-aged woman she was, wot 'ad lost her +good looks and found others. She stood there staring and staring, and by +and by she tries a little cough. + +I got up very slow then, and, arter looking all round at the evening, +without seeing 'er, I was just going to step inside and shut the wicket, +when she came closer. + +"Bill!" she ses, in a choking sort o' voice. + +"Bill!" + +I gave her a look that made her catch 'er breath, and I was just stepping +through the wicket, when she laid hold of my coat and tried to hold me +back. + +"Do you know wot you're a-doing of?" I ses, turning on her. + +"Oh, Bill dear," she ses, "don't talk to me like that. Do you want to +break my 'art? Arter all these years!" + +She pulled out a dirt-coloured pocket-'ankercher and stood there dabbing +her eyes with it. One eye at a time she dabbed, while she looked at me +reproachful with the other. And arter eight dabs, four to each eye, she +began to sob as if her 'art would break. + +"Go away," I ses, very slow. "You can't stand making that noise outside +my wharf. Go away and give somebody else a treat." + +Afore she could say anything the potman from the Tiger, a nasty ginger- +'aired little chap that nobody liked, come by and stopped to pat her on +the back. + +"There, there, don't take on, mother," he ses. "Wot's he been a-doing to +you?" + +"You get off 'ome," I ses, losing my temper. + +"Wot d'ye mean trying to drag me into it? I've never seen the woman +afore in my life." + +"Oh, Bill!" ses the woman, sobbing louder than ever. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" + +"'Ow does she know your name, then?" ses the little beast of a potman. + +I didn't answer him. I might have told 'im that there's about five +million Bills in England, but I didn't. I stood there with my arms +folded acrost my chest, and looked at him, superior. + +"Where 'ave you been all this long, long time?" she ses, between her +sobs. "Why did you leave your happy 'ome and your children wot loved +you?" + +The potman let off a whistle that you could have 'eard acrost the river, +and as for me, I thought I should ha' dropped. To have a woman standing +sobbing and taking my character away like that was a'most more than I +could bear. + +"Did he run away from you?" ses the potman. + +"Ye-ye-yes," she ses. "He went off on a vy'ge to China over nine years +ago, and that's the last I saw of 'im till to-night. A lady friend o' +mine thought she reckernized 'im yesterday, and told me." + +"I shouldn't cry over 'im," ses the potman, shaking his 'ead: "he ain't +worth it. If I was you I should just give 'im a bang or two over the +'ead with my umberella, and then give 'im in charge." + +I stepped inside the wicket--backwards--and then I slammed it in their +faces, and putting the key in my pocket, walked up the wharf. I knew it +was no good standing out there argufying. I felt sorry for the pore +thing in a way. If she really thought I was her 'usband, and she 'ad +lost me---- I put one or two things straight and then, for the sake of +distracting my mind, I 'ad a word or two with the skipper of the John +Henry, who was leaning against the side of his ship, smoking. + +"Wot's that tapping noise?" he ses, all of a sudden. "'Ark!" + +I knew wot it was. It was the handle of that umberella 'ammering on the +gate. I went cold all over, and then when I thought that the pot-man was +most likely encouraging 'er to do it I began to boil. + +"Somebody at the gate," ses the skipper. + +"Aye, aye," I ses. "I know all about it." + +I went on talking until at last the skipper asked me whether he was +wandering in 'is mind, or whether I was. The mate came up from the cabin +just then, and o' course he 'ad to tell me there was somebody knocking at +the gate. + +"Ain't you going to open it?" ses the skipper, staring at me. + +"Let 'em ring," I ses, off-hand. + +The words was 'ardly out of my mouth afore they did ring, and if they 'ad +been selling muffins they couldn't ha' kept it up harder. And all the +time the umberella was doing rat-a-tat tats on the gate, while a voice-- +much too loud for the potman's--started calling out: "Watch-man ahoy!" + +"They're calling you, Bill," ses the skipper. "I ain't deaf," I ses, +very cold. + +"Well, I wish I was," ses the skipper. "It's fair making my ear ache. +Why the blazes don't you do your dooty, and open the gate?" + +"You mind your bisness and I'll mind mine," I ses. "I know wot I'm +doing. It's just some silly fools 'aving a game with me, and I'm not +going to encourage 'em." + +"Game with you?" ses the skipper. "Ain't they got anything better than +that to play with? Look 'ere, if you don't open that gate, I will." + +"It's nothing to do with you," I ses. "You look arter your ship and I'll +look arter my wharf. See? If you don't like the noise, go down in the +cabin and stick your 'ead in a biscuit-bag." + +To my surprise he took the mate by the arm and went, and I was just +thinking wot a good thing it was to be a bit firm with people sometimes, +when they came back dressed up in their coats and bowler-hats and climbed +on to the wharf. + +"Watchman!" ses the skipper, in a hoity-toity sort o' voice, "me and the +mate is going as far as Aldgate for a breath o' fresh air. Open the +gate." + +I gave him a look that might ha' melted a 'art of stone, and all it done +to 'im was to make 'im laugh. + +"Hurry up," he ses. "It a'most seems to me that there's somebody ringing +the bell, and you can let them in same time as you let us out. Is it the +bell, or is it my fancy, Joe?" he ses, turning to the mate. + +They marched on in front of me with their noses cocked in the air, and +all the time the noise at the gate got worse and worse. So far as I +could make out, there was quite a crowd outside, and I stood there with +the key in the lock, trembling all over. Then I unlocked it very +careful, and put my hand on the skipper's arm. + +"Nip out quick," I ses, in a whisper. + +"I'm in no hurry," ses the skipper. "Here! Halloa, wot's up?" + +It was like opening the door at a theatre, and the fust one through was +that woman, shoved behind by the potman. Arter 'im came a car-man, two +big 'ulking brewers' draymen, a little scrap of a woman with 'er bonnet +cocked over one eye, and a couple of dirty little boys. + +"Wot is it?" ses the skipper, shutting the wicket behind 'em. "A +beanfeast?" + +"This lady wants her 'usband," ses the pot-man, pointing at me. "He run +away from her nine years ago, and now he says he 'as never seen 'er +before. He ought to be 'ung." + +"Bill," ses the skipper, shaking his silly 'ead at me. "I can 'ardly +believe it." + +"It's all a pack o' silly lies," I ses, firing up. "She's made a +mistake." + +"She made a mistake when she married you," ses the thin little woman. +"If I was in 'er shoes I'd take 'old of you and tear you limb from limb." + +"I don't want to hurt 'im, ma'am," ses the other woman. "I on'y want him +to come 'ome to me and my five. Why, he's never seen the youngest, +little Annie. She's as like 'im as two peas." + +"Pore little devil," ses the carman. + +"Look here!" I ses, "you clear off. All of you. 'Ow dare you come on to +my wharf? If you aren't gone in two minutes I'll give you all in +charge." + +"Who to?" ses one of the draymen, sticking his face into mine. "You go +'ome to your wife and kids. Go on now, afore I put up my 'ands to you." + +"That's the way to talk to 'im," ses the pot-man, nodding at 'em. + +They all began to talk to me then and tell me wot I was to do, and wot +they would do if I didn't. I couldn't get a word in edgeways. When I +reminded the mate that when he was up in London 'e always passed himself +off as a single man, 'e wouldn't listen; and when I asked the skipper +whether 'is pore missus was blind, he on'y went on shouting at the top of +'is voice. It on'y showed me 'ow anxious most people are that everybody +else should be good. + +I thought they was never going to stop, and, if it 'adn't been for a fit +of coughing, I don't believe that the scraggy little woman could ha' +stopped. Arter one o' the draymen 'ad saved her life and spoilt 'er +temper by patting 'er on the back with a hand the size of a leg o' +mutton, the carman turned to me and told me to tell the truth, if it +choked me. + +"I have told you the truth," I ses. "She ses I'm her 'usband and I say I +ain't. Ow's she going to prove it? Why should you believe her, and not +me?" + +"She's got a truthful face," ses the carman. + +"Look here!" ses the skipper, speaking very slow, "I've got an idea, +wot'll settle it p'raps. You get outside," he ses, turning sharp on the +two little boys. + +One o' the draymen 'elped 'em to go out, and 'arf a minute arterwards a +stone came over the gate and cut the potman's lip open. Boys will be +boys. + +"Now!" ses the skipper, turning to the woman, and smiling with +conceitedness. "Had your 'usband got any marks on 'im? Birth-mark, or +moles, or anything of that sort?" + +"I'm sure he is my 'usband," ses the woman, dabbing her eyes. + +"Yes, yes," ses the skipper, "but answer my question. If you can tell us +any marks your 'usband had, we can take Bill down into my cabin and----" + +"You'll do WOT?" I ses, in a loud voice. + +"You speak when you're spoke to," ses the carman. "It's got nothing to +do with you." + +"No, he ain't got no birthmarks," ses the woman, speaking very slow--and +I could see she was afraid of making a mistake and losing me--"but he's +got tattoo marks. He's got a mermaid tattooed on 'im." + +"Where?" ses the skipper, a'most jumping. + +I 'eld my breath. Five sailormen out of ten have been tattooed with +mermaids, and I was one of 'em. When she spoke agin I thought I should +ha' dropped. + +"On 'is right arm," she ses, "unless he's 'ad it rubbed off." + +"You can't rub out tattoo marks," ses the skipper. + +They all stood looking at me as if they was waiting for something. I +folded my arms--tight--and stared back at 'em. + +"If you ain't this lady's 'usband," ses the skipper, turning to me, "you +can take off your coat and prove it." + +"And if you don't we'll take it off for you," ses the carman, coming a +bit closer. + +Arter that things 'appened so quick, I hardly knew whether I was standing +on my 'cad or my heels. Both, I think. They was all on top o' me at +once, and the next thing I can remember is sitting on the ground in my +shirt-sleeves listening to the potman, who was making a fearful fuss +because somebody 'ad bit his ear 'arf off. My coat was ripped up the +back, and one of the draymen was holding up my arm and showing them all +the mermaid, while the other struck matches so as they could see better." + +"That's your 'usband right enough," he ses to the woman. "Take 'im." + +"P'raps she'll carry 'im 'ome," I ses, very fierce and sarcastic. + +"And we don't want none of your lip," ses the carman, who was in a bad +temper because he 'ad got a fearful kick on the shin from somewhere. + +I got up very slow and began to put my coat on again, and twice I 'ad to +tell that silly woman that when I wanted her 'elp I'd let 'er know. Then +I 'eard slow, heavy footsteps in the road outside, and, afore any of 'em +could stop me, I was calling for the police. + +I don't like policemen as a rule; they're too inquisitive, but when the +wicket was pushed open and I saw a face with a helmet on it peeping in, I +felt quite a liking for 'em. + +"Wot's up?" ses the policeman, staring 'ard at my little party. + +They all started telling 'im at once, and I should think if the potman +showed him 'is ear once he showed it to 'im twenty times. He lost his +temper and pushed it away at last, and the potman gave a 'owl that set my +teeth on edge. I waited till they was all finished, and the policeman +trying to get 'is hearing back, and then I spoke up in a quiet way and +told 'im to clear them all off of my wharf. + +"They're trespassing," I ses, "all except the skipper and mate here. +They belong to a little wash-tub that's laying alongside, and they're +both as 'armless as they look." + +It's wonderful wot a uniform will do. The policeman just jerked his 'ead +and said "out-side," and the men went out like a flock of sheep. The +on'y man that said a word was the carman, who was in such a hurry that 'e +knocked his bad shin against my foot as 'e went by. The thin little +woman was passed out by the policeman in the middle of a speech she was +making, and he was just going for the other, when the skipper stopped +'im. + +"This lady is coming on my ship," he ses, puffing out 'is chest. + +I looked at 'im, and then I turned to the policeman. "So long as she +goes off my wharf, I don't mind where she goes," I ses. "The skipper's +goings-on 'ave got nothing to do with me." + +"Then she can foller him 'ome in the morning," ses the skipper. "Good +night, watch-man." + +Him and the mate 'elped the silly old thing to the ship, and, arter I 'ad +been round to the Bear's Head and fetched a pint for the police-man, I +locked up and sat down to think things out; and the more I thought the +worse they seemed. I've 'eard people say that if you have a clear +conscience nothing can hurt you. They didn't know my missus. + +I got up at last and walked on to the jetty, and the woman, wot was +sitting on the deck of the John Henry, kept calling out: "Bill!" like a +sick baa-lamb crying for its ma. I went back, and 'ad four pints at the +Bear's Head, but it didn't seem to do me any good, and at last I went and +sat down in the office to wait for morning. + +It came at last, a lovely morning with a beautiful sunrise; and that +woman sitting up wide awake, waiting to foller me 'ome. When I opened +the gate at six o'clock she was there with the mate and the skipper, +waiting, and when I left at five minutes past she was trotting along +beside me. + +Twice I stopped and spoke to 'er, but it was no good. Other people +stopped too, and I 'ad to move on agin; and every step was bringing me +nearer to my house and the missus. + +I turned into our street, arter passing it three times, and the first +thing I saw was my missus standing on the doorstep 'aving a few words +with the lady next door. Then she 'appened to look up and see us, just +as that silly woman was trying to walk arm-in-arm. + +Twice I knocked her 'and away, and then, right afore my wife and the +party next door, she put her arm round my waist. By the time I got to +the 'ouse my legs was trembling so I could hardly stand, and when I got +into the passage I 'ad to lean up against the wall for a bit. + +[Illustration: RIGHT AFORE MY WIFE AND THE PARTY NEXT DOOR SHE PUT HER +ARM ROUND MY WAIST.] + +"Keep 'er out," I ses. + +"Wot do you want?" ses my missus, trembling with passion. "Wot do you +think you're doing?" + +"I want my 'usband, Bill," ses the woman. + +My missus put her 'and to her throat and came in without a word, and the +woman follered 'er. If I hadn't kept my presence o' mind and shut the +door two or three more would 'ave come in too. + +I went into the kitchen about ten minutes arterwards to see 'ow they was +getting on. Besides which they was both calling for me. + +"Now then!" ses my missus, who was leaning up against the dresser with +'er arms folded, "wot 'ave you got to say for yourself walking in as bold +as brass with this hussy?" + +"Bill!" ses the woman, "did you hear wot she called me?" + +She spoke to me like that afore my wife, and in two minutes they was at +it, hammer and tongs. + +Fust of all they spoke about each other, and then my missus started +speaking about me. She's got a better memory than most people, because +she can remember things that never 'appened, and every time I coughed she +turned on me like a tiger. + +"And as for you," she ses, turning to the woman, "if you did marry 'im +you should ha' made sure that he 'adn't got a wife already." + +"He married me fust," ses the woman. + +"When?" ses my wife. "Wot was the date?" + +"Wot was the date you married 'im?" ses the other one. + +They stood looking at each other like a couple o' game-cocks, and I could +see as plain as a pike-staff 'ow frightened both of 'em was o' losing me. + +"Look here!" I ses at last, to my missus, "talk sense. 'Ow could I be +married to 'er? When I was at sea I was at sea, and when I was ashore I +was with you." + +"Did you use to go down to the ship to see 'im off?" ses the woman. + +"No," ses my wife. "I'd something better to do." + +"Neither did I," ses the woman. "P'raps that's where we both made a +mistake." + +"You get out of my 'ouse!" ses my missus, very sudden. "Go on, afore I +put you out." + +"Not without my Bill," ses the woman. "If you lay a finger on me I'll +scream the house down." + +"You brought her 'ere," ses my wife, turning to me, "now you can take 'er +away?" + +"I didn't bring 'er," I ses. "She follered me." + +"Well, she can foller you agin," she ses. "Go on!" she ses, trembling +all over. "Git out afore I start on you." + +I was in such a temper that I daren't trust myself to stop. I just gave +'er one look, and then I drew myself up and went out. 'Alf the fools in +our street was standing in front of the 'ouse, 'umming like bees, but I +took no notice. I held my 'ead up and walked through them with that +woman trailing arter me. + +I was in such a state of mind that I went on like a man in a dream. If +it had ha' been a dream I should ha' pushed 'er under an omnibus, but you +can't do things like that in real life. + +"Penny for your thoughts, Bill," she ses. I didn't answer her. + +"Why don't you speak to me?" she ses. + +"You don't know wot you're asking for," I ses. + +I was hungry and sleepy, and 'ow I was going to get through the day I +couldn't think. I went into a pub and 'ad a couple o' pints o' stout and +a crust o' bread and cheese for brekfuss. I don't know wot she 'ad, but +when the barman tried to take for it out o' my money, I surprised 'im. + +We walked about till I was ready to drop. Then we got to Victoria Park, +and I 'ad no sooner got on to the grass than I laid down and went +straight off to sleep. It was two o'clock when I woke, and, arter a +couple o' pork-pies and a pint or two, I sat on a seat in the Park +smoking, while she kep' dabbing 'er eyes agin and asking me to come 'ome. + +At five o'clock I got up to go back to the wharf, and, taking no notice +of 'er, I walked into the street and jumped on a 'bus that was passing. +She jumped too, and, arter the conductor had 'elped 'er up off of 'er +knees and taken her arms away from his waist, I'm blest if he didn't turn +on me and ask me why I 'adn't left her at 'ome. + +We got to the wharf just afore six. The John Henry 'ad gorn, but the +skipper 'ad done all the 'arm he could afore he sailed, and, if I 'adn't +kept my temper, I should ha' murdered arf a dozen of 'em. + +The woman wanted to come on to the wharf, but I 'ad a word or two with +one o' the fore-men, who owed me arf-a-dollar, and he made that all +right. + +"We all 'ave our faults, Bill," he ses as 'e went out, "and I suppose she +was better looking once upon a time?" + +I didn't answer 'im. I shut the wicket arter 'im, quick, and turned the +key, and then I went on with my work. For a long time everything was as +quiet as the grave, and then there came just one little pull at the bell. +Five minutes arterwards there was another. + +I thought it was that woman, but I 'ad to make sure. When it came the +third time I crept up to the gate. + +"Halloa!" I ses. "Who is it?" + +"Me, darling," ses a voice I reckernized as the potman's. "Your missus +wants to come in and sit down." + +I could 'ear several people talking, and it seemed to me there was quite +a crowd out there, and by and by that bell was going like mad. Then +people started kicking the gate, and shouting, but I took no notice +until, presently, it left off all of a sudden, and I 'eard a loud voice +asking what it was all about. I suppose there was about fifty of 'em all +telling it at once, and then there was the sound of a fist on the gate. + +"Who is it?" I ses. + +"Police," ses the voice. + +I opened the wicket then and looked out. A couple o' policemen was +standing by the gate and arf the riff-raff of Wapping behind 'em. + +"Wot's all this about?" ses one o' the policemen. + +I shook my 'ead. "Ask me another," I ses. "Your missus is causing a +disturbance," he ses. + +"She's not my missus," I ses; "she's a complete stranger to me." + +"And causing a crowd to collect and refusing to go away," ses the other +policeman. + +"That's your business," I ses. "It's nothing to do with me." + +They talked to each other for a moment, and then they spoke to the woman. +I didn't 'ear wot she said, but I saw her shake her 'ead, and a'most +direckly arterwards she was marching away between the two policemen with +the crowd follering and advising 'er where to kick 'em. + +I was a bit worried at fust--not about her--and then I began to think +that p'raps it was the best thing that could have 'appened. + +I went 'ome in the morning with a load lifted off my mind; but I 'adn't +been in the 'ouse two seconds afore my missus started to put it on agin. +Fust of all she asked me 'ow I dared to come into the 'ouse, and then she +wanted to know wot I meant by leaving her at 'ome and going out for the +day with another woman. + +"You told me to," I ses. + +"Oh, yes," she ses, trembling with temper. "You always do wot I tell +you, don't you? Al-ways 'ave, especially when it's anything you like." + +She fetched a bucket o' water and scrubbed the kitchen while I was having +my brekfuss, but I kept my eye on 'er, and, the moment she 'ad finished, +I did the perlite and emptied the bucket for 'er, to prevent mistakes. + +I read about the case in the Sunday paper, and I'm thankful to say my +name wasn't in it. All the magistrate done was to make 'er promise that +she wouldn't do it again, and then he let 'er go. I should ha' felt more +comfortable if he 'ad given 'er five years, but, as it turned out, it +didn't matter. Her 'usband happened to read it, and, whether 'e was +tired of living alone, or whether he was excited by 'caring that she 'ad +got a little general shop, 'e went back to her. + +The fust I knew about it was they came round to the wharf to see me. He +'ad been a fine-looking chap in 'is day, and even then 'e was enough like +me for me to see 'ow she 'ad made the mistake; and all the time she was +telling me 'ow it 'appened, he was looking me up and down and sniffing. + +"'Ave you got a cold?" I ses, at last. + +"Wot's that got to do with you?" he ses. "Wot do you mean by walking out +with my wife? That's what I've come to talk about." + +For a moment I thought that his bad luck 'ad turned 'is brain. "You've +got it wrong," I ses, as soon as I could speak. "She walked out with +me." + +"Cos she thought you was her 'usband," he ses, "but you didn't think you +was me, did you?" + +"'Course I didn't," I ses. + +"Then 'ow dare you walk out with 'er?" he ses. + +"Look 'ere!" I ses. "You get off 'ome as quick as you like. I've 'ad +about enough of your family. Go on, hook it." + +Afore I could put my 'ands up he 'it me hard in the mouth, and the next +moment we was at it as 'ard as we could go. Nearly every time I hit 'im +he wasn't there, and every time 'e hit me I wished I hadn't ha' been. +When I said I had 'ad enough, 'e contradicted me and kept on, but he got +tired of it at last, and, arter telling me wot he would do if I ever +walked 'is wife out agin, they went off like a couple o' love-birds. + +By the time I got 'ome next morning my eyes was so swelled up I could +'ardly see, and my nose wouldn't let me touch it. I was so done up I +could 'ardly speak, but I managed to tell my missus about it arter I had +'ad a cup o' tea. Judging by her face anybody might ha' thought I was +telling 'er something funny, and, when I 'ad finished, she looks up at +the ceiling and ses: + +"I 'ope it'll be a lesson to you," she ses. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Husbandry, by W.W. 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