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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Convert, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Convert
+       Deep Waters, Part 5.
+
+Author: W.W. Jacobs
+
+Release Date: March 6, 2004 [EBook #11475]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: US-ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CONVERT ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+DEEP WATERS
+
+By W.W. JACOBS
+
+
+
+
+THE CONVERT
+
+Mr. Purnip took the arm of the new recruit and hung over him almost
+tenderly as they walked along; Mr. Billing, with a look of conscious
+virtue on his jolly face, listened with much satisfaction to his friend's
+compliments.
+
+"It's such an example," said the latter.  "Now we've got you the others
+will follow like sheep.  You will be a bright lamp in the darkness."
+
+"Wot's good enough for me ought to be good enough for them," said Mr.
+Billing, modestly.  "They'd better not let me catch--"
+
+"H'sh!  H'sh!"  breathed Mr. Purnip, tilting his hat and wiping his bald,
+benevolent head.
+
+"I forgot," said the other, with something like a sigh.  "No more
+fighting; but suppose somebody hits me?"
+
+"Turn the other cheek," replied Mr. Purnip.
+
+"They won't hit that; and when they see you standing there smiling at
+them--"
+
+"After being hit?"  interrupted Mr. Billing.
+
+"After being hit," assented the other, "they'll be ashamed of themselves,
+and it'll hurt them more than if you struck them."
+
+"Let's 'ope so," said the convert; "but it don't sound reasonable.  I can
+hit a man pretty 'ard.  Not that I'm bad-tempered, mind you; a bit quick,
+p'r'aps.  And, after all, a good smack in the jaw saves any amount of
+argufying."
+
+Mr. Purnip smiled, and, as they walked along, painted a glowing picture
+of the influence to be wielded by a first-class fighting-man who refused
+to fight.  It was a rough neighbourhood, and he recognized with sorrow
+that more respect was paid to a heavy fist than to a noble intellect or a
+loving heart.
+
+"And you combine them all," he said, patting his companion's arm.
+
+Mr. Billing smiled.  "You ought to know best," he said, modestly.
+
+"You'll be surprised to find how easy it is," continued Mr. Purnip.  "You
+will go from strength to strength.  Old habits will disappear, and you
+will hardly know you have lost them.  In a few months' time you will
+probably be wondering what you could ever have seen in beer, for
+example."
+
+"I thought you said you didn't want me to give up beer?"  said the other.
+
+"We don't," said Mr. Purnip.  "I mean that as you grow in stature you
+will simply lose the taste for it."
+
+Mr. Billing came to a sudden full stop.  "D'ye mean I shall lose my
+liking for a drop o' beer without being able to help myself?"  he
+demanded, in an anxious voice.
+
+"Of course, it doesn't happen in every case," he said, hastily.
+
+Mr. Billing's features relaxed.  "Well, let's 'ope I shall be one of the
+fortunate ones," he said, simply.  "I can put up with a good deal, but
+when it comes to beer----"
+
+"We shall see," said the other, smiling.
+
+"We don't want to interfere with anybody's comfort; we want to make them
+happier, that's all.  A little more kindness between man and man; a
+little more consideration for each other; a little more brightness in
+dull lives."
+
+He paused at the corner of the street, and, with a hearty handshake, went
+off.  Mr. Billing, a prey to somewhat mixed emotions, continued on his
+way home.  The little knot of earnest men and women who had settled in
+the district to spread light and culture had been angling for him for
+some time.  He wondered, as he walked, what particular bait it was that
+had done the mischief.
+
+"They've got me at last," he remarked, as he opened the house-door and
+walked into his small kitchen.  "I couldn't say 'no' to Mr. Purnip."
+
+"Wish 'em joy," said Mrs. Billing, briefly.  "Did you wipe your boots?"
+
+Her husband turned without a word, and, retreating to the mat, executed a
+prolonged double-shuffle.
+
+"You needn't wear it out," said the surprised Mrs. Billing.
+
+"We've got to make people 'appier," said her husband, seriously; "be
+kinder to 'em, and brighten up their dull lives a bit.  That's wot Mr.
+Purnip says."
+
+"You'll brighten 'em up all right," declared Mrs. Billing, with a sniff.
+"I sha'n't forget last Tuesday week--no, not if I live to be a hundred.
+You'd ha' brightened up the police-station if I 'adn't got you home just
+in the nick of time."
+
+Her husband, who was by this time busy under the scullery-tap, made no
+reply.  He came from it spluttering, and, seizing a small towel, stood in
+the door-way burnishing his face and regarding his wife with a smile
+which Mr. Purnip himself could not have surpassed.  He sat down to
+supper, and between bites explained in some detail the lines on which his
+future life was to be run.  As an earnest of good faith, he consented,
+after a short struggle, to a slip of oil-cloth for the passage; a pair of
+vases for the front room; and a new and somewhat expensive corn-cure for
+Mrs. Billing.
+
+"And let's 'ope you go on as you've begun," said that gratified lady.
+"There's something in old Purnip after all.  I've been worrying you for
+months for that oilcloth.  Are you going to help me wash up?  Mr. Purnip
+would."
+
+Mr. Billing appeared not to hear, and, taking up his cap, strolled slowly
+in the direction of the Blue Lion.  It was a beautiful summer evening,
+and his bosom swelled as he thought of the improvements that a little
+brotherliness might effect in Elk Street.  Engrossed in such ideas, it
+almost hurt him to find that, as he entered one door of the Blue Lion,
+two gentlemen, forgetting all about their beer, disappeared through the
+other.
+
+"Wot 'ave they run away like that for?"  he demanded, looking round.
+"I wouldn't hurt 'em."
+
+"Depends on wot you call hurting, Joe," said a friend.
+
+Mr. Billing shook his head.  "They've no call to be afraid of me," he
+said, gravely.  "I wouldn't hurt a fly; I've got a new 'art."
+
+"A new wot?" inquired his friend, staring.
+
+"A new 'art," repeated the other.  "I've given up fighting and swearing,
+and drinking too much.  I'm going to lead a new life and do all the good
+I can; I'm going--"
+
+"Glory!  Glory!" ejaculated a long, thin youth, and, making a dash for
+the door, disappeared.
+
+"He'll know me better in time," said Mr. Billing.  "Why, I wouldn't hurt
+a fly.  I want to do good to people; not to hurt 'em.  I'll have a pint,"
+he added, turning to the bar.
+
+"Not here you won't," said the landlord, eyeing him coldly.
+
+"Why not?" demanded the astonished Mr. Billing.
+
+"You've had all you ought to have already," was the reply.  "And there's
+one thing I'll swear to--you ain't had it 'ere."
+
+"I haven't 'ad a drop pass my lips began the outraged Mr. Billing.
+
+"Yes, I know," said the other, wearily, as he shifted one or two glasses
+and wiped the counter; "I've heard it all before, over and over again.
+Mind you, I've been in this business thirty years, and if I don't know
+when a man's had his whack, and a drop more, nobody does.  You get off
+'ome and ask your missis to make you a nice cup o' good strong tea, and
+then get up to bed and sleep it off."
+
+"I dare say," said Mr. Billing, with cold dignity, as he paused at the
+door--"I dare say I may give up beer altogether."
+
+He stood outside pondering over the unforeseen difficulties attendant
+upon his new career, moving a few inches to one side as Mr. Ricketts, a
+foe of long standing, came towards the public-house, and, halting a yard
+or two away, eyed him warily.
+
+"Come along," said Mr. Billing, speaking somewhat loudly, for the benefit
+of the men in the bar; "I sha'n't hurt you; my fighting days are over."
+
+"Yes, I dessay," replied the other, edging away.
+
+"It's all right, Bill," said a mutual friend, through the half-open door;
+"he's got a new 'art."
+
+Mr. Ricketts looked perplexed.  "'Art disease, d'ye mean?"  he inquired,
+hopefully.  "Can't he fight no more?"
+
+"A new 'art," said Mr. Billing.  "It's as strong as ever it was, but it's
+changed--brother."
+
+"If you call me 'brother' agin I'll give you something for yourself, and
+chance it," said Mr. Ricketts, ferociously.  "I'm a pore man, but I've
+got my pride."
+
+Mr. Billing, with a smile charged with brotherly love, leaned his left
+cheek towards him.  "Hit it," he said, gently.
+
+"Give it a smack and run, Bill," said the voice of a well-wisher inside.
+
+"There'd be no need for 'im to run," said Mr. Billing.  "I wouldn't hit
+'im back for anything.  I should turn the other cheek."
+
+"Whaffor?" inquired the amazed Mr. Ricketts.
+
+"For another swipe," said Mr. Billing, radiantly.
+
+In the fraction of a second he got the first, and reeled back staggering.
+The onlookers from the bar came out hastily.  Mr. Ricketts, somewhat
+pale, stood his ground.
+
+"You see, I don't hit you," said Mr. Billing, with a ghastly attempt at a
+smile.
+
+He stood rubbing his cheek gently, and, remembering Mr. Purnip's
+statements, slowly, inch by inch, turned the other in the direction of
+his adversary.  The circuit was still incomplete when Mr. Ricketts,
+balancing himself carefully, fetched it a smash that nearly burst it.
+Mr. Billing, somewhat jarred by his contact with the pavement, rose
+painfully and confronted him.
+
+"I've only got two cheeks, mind," he said, slowly.
+
+Mr. Ricketts sighed.  "I wish you'd got a blinking dozen," he said,
+wistfully.  "Well, so long.  Be good."
+
+He walked into the Blue Lion absolutely free from that sense of shame
+which Mr. Purnip had predicted, and, accepting a pint from an admirer,
+boasted noisily of his exploit.  Mr. Billing, suffering both mentally and
+physically, walked slowly home to his astonished wife.
+
+"P'r'aps he'll be ashamed of hisself when 'e comes to think it over," he
+murmured, as Mrs. Billing, rendered almost perfect by practice,
+administered first aid.
+
+"I s'pect he's crying his eyes out," she said, with a sniff.  "Tell me if
+that 'urts."
+
+Mr. Billing told her, then, suddenly remembering himself, issued an
+expurgated edition.
+
+"I'm sorry for the next man that 'its you," said his wife, as she drew
+back and regarded her handiwork.
+
+"'Well, you needn't be," said Mr. Billing, with dignity.  "It would take
+more than a couple o' props in the jaw to make me alter my mind when I've
+made it up.  You ought to know that by this time.  Hurry up and finish.
+I want you to go to the corner and fetch me a pot."
+
+"What, ain't you going out agin?"  demanded his astonished wife.
+
+Mr. Billing shook his head.  "Somebody else might want to give me one,"
+he said, resignedly, "and I've 'ad about all I want to-night."
+
+His face was still painful next morning, but as he sat at breakfast in
+the small kitchen he was able to refer to Mr. Ricketts in terms which
+were an eloquent testimony to Mr. Purnip's teaching.  Mrs. Billing,
+unable to contain herself, wandered off into the front room with a
+duster.
+
+"Are you nearly ready to go?"  she inquired, returning after a short
+interval.
+
+"Five minutes," said Mr. Billing, nodding.  I'll just light my pipe and
+then I'm off."
+
+"'Cos there's two or three waiting outside for you," added his wife.
+
+Mr. Billing rose.  "Ho, is there?"  he said, grimly, as he removed his
+coat and proceeded to roll up his shirt-sleeves.  "I'll learn 'em.  I'll
+give 'em something to wait for.  I'll----"
+
+His voice died away as he saw the triumph in his wife's face, and,
+drawing down his sleeves again, he took up his coat and stood eyeing her
+in genuine perplexity.
+
+"Tell 'em I've gorn," he said, at last.
+
+"And what about telling lies?" demanded his wife.  "What would your Mr.
+Purnip say to that?"
+
+"You do as you're told," exclaimed the harassed Mr. Billing.  "I'm not
+going to tell 'em; it's you."
+
+Mrs. Billing returned to the parlour, and, with Mr. Billing lurking in
+the background, busied herself over a china flower-pot that stood in the
+window, and turned an anxious eye upon three men waiting outside.  After
+a glance or two she went to the door.
+
+"Did you want to see my husband?" she inquired.
+
+The biggest of the three nodded.  "Yus," he said, shortly.
+
+"I'm sorry," said Mrs. Billing, "but he 'ad to go early this morning.
+Was it anything partikler?"
+
+"Gorn?" said the other, in disappointed tones.  "Well, you tell 'im I'll
+see 'im later on."
+
+He turned away, and, followed by the other two, walked slowly up the
+road.  Mr. Billing, after waiting till the coast was clear, went off in
+the other direction.
+
+He sought counsel of his friend and mentor that afternoon, and stood
+beaming with pride at the praise lavished upon him.  Mr. Purnip's
+co-workers were no less enthusiastic than their chief; and various
+suggestions were made to Mr. Billing as to his behaviour in the unlikely
+event of further attacks upon his noble person.
+
+He tried to remember the suggestions in the harassing days that followed;
+baiting Joe Billing becoming popular as a pastime from which no evil
+results need be feared.  It was creditable to his fellow-citizens that
+most of them refrained from violence with a man who declined to hit back,
+but as a butt his success was assured.  The night when a gawky lad of
+eighteen drank up his beer, and then invited him to step outside if he
+didn't like it, dwelt long in his memory.  And Elk Street thrilled one
+evening at the sight of their erstwhile champion flying up the road hotly
+pursued by a foeman half his size.  His explanation to his indignant wife
+that, having turned the other cheek the night before, he was in no mood
+for further punishment, was received in chilling silence.
+
+"They'll soon get tired of it," he said, hopefully; "and I ain't going to
+be beat by a lot of chaps wot I could lick with one 'and tied behind me.
+They'll get to understand in time; Mr. Purnip says so.  It's a pity that
+you don't try and do some good yourself."
+
+Mrs. Billing received the suggestion with a sniff; but the seed was sown.
+She thought the matter over in private, and came to the conclusion that,
+if her husband wished her to participate in good works, it was not for
+her to deny him.  Hitherto her efforts in that direction had been
+promptly suppressed; Mr. Billing's idea being that if a woman looked
+after her home and her husband properly there should be neither time
+nor desire for anything else.  His surprise on arriving home to tea on
+Saturday afternoon, and finding a couple of hard-working neighbours
+devouring his substance, almost deprived him of speech.
+
+"Poor things," said his wife, after the guests had gone; "they did enjoy
+it.  It's cheered 'em up wonderful.  You and Mr. Purnip are quite right.
+I can see that now.  You can tell him that it was you what put it into my
+'art."
+
+"Me?  Why, I never dreamt o' such a thing," declared the surprised Mr.
+Billing.  "And there's other ways of doing good besides asking a pack of
+old women in to tea."
+
+"I know there is," said his wife.  "All in good time," she added, with a
+far-away look in her eyes.
+
+Mr. Billing cleared his throat, but nothing came of it.  He cleared it
+again.
+
+"I couldn't let you do all the good," said his wife, hastily.  "It
+wouldn't be fair.  I must help."
+
+Mr. Billing lit his pipe noisily, and then took it out into the back-yard
+and sat down to think over the situation.  The ungenerous idea that his
+wife was making goodness serve her own ends was the first that occurred
+to him.
+
+His suspicions increased with time.  Mrs. Billing's good works seemed to
+be almost entirely connected with hospitality.  True, she had entertained
+Mr. Purnip and one of the ladies from the Settlement to tea, but that
+only riveted his bonds more firmly.  Other visitors included his sister-
+in-law, for whom he had a great distaste, and some of the worst-behaved
+children in the street.
+
+"It's only high spirits," said Mrs. Billing; "all children are like that.
+And I do it to help the mothers."
+
+"And 'cos you like children," said her husband, preserving his good-
+humour with an effort.
+
+There was a touch of monotony about the new life, and the good deeds that
+accompanied it, which, to a man of ardent temperament, was apt to pall.
+And Elk Street, instead of giving him the credit which was his due,
+preferred to ascribe the change in his behaviour to what they called
+being "a bit barmy on the crumpet."
+
+He came home one evening somewhat dejected, brightening up as he stood
+in the passage and inhaled the ravishing odours from the kitchen.  Mrs.
+Billing, with a trace of nervousness somewhat unaccountable in view of
+the excellent quality of the repast provided, poured him out a glass of
+beer, and passed flattering comment upon his appearance.
+
+"Wot's the game?"  he inquired.
+
+"Game?" repeated his wife, in a trembling voice.  "Nothing.  'Ow do you
+find that steak-pudding?  I thought of giving you one every Wednesday."
+
+Mr. Billing put down his knife and fork and sat regarding her
+thoughtfully.  Then he pushed back his chair suddenly, and, a picture of
+consternation and wrath, held up his hand for silence.
+
+"W-w-wot is it?"  he demanded.  "A cat?"
+
+Mrs. Billing made no reply, and her husband sprang to his feet as a long,
+thin wailing sounded through the house.  A note of temper crept into it
+and strengthened it.
+
+"Wot is it?"  demanded Mr. Billing again.  "It's--it's Mrs. Smith's
+Charlie," stammered his wife.
+
+"In--in my bedroom?" exclaimed her husband, in incredulous accents.
+"Wot's it doing there?"
+
+"I took it for the night," said his wife hurriedly.  "Poor thing, what
+with the others being ill she's 'ad a dreadful time, and she said if I'd
+take Charlie for a few--for a night, she might be able to get some
+sleep."
+
+Mr. Billing choked.  "And what about my sleep?" he shouted.  "Chuck it
+outside at once.  D'ye hear me?"
+
+His words fell on empty air, his wife having already sped upstairs to
+pacify Master Smith by a rhythmical and monotonous thumping on the back.
+Also she lifted up a thin and not particularly sweet voice and sang to
+him.  Mr. Billing, finishing his supper in indignant silence, told
+himself grimly that he was "beginning to have enough of it."
+
+He spent the evening at the Charlton Arms, and, returning late, went
+slowly and heavily up to bed.  In the light of a shaded candle he saw a
+small, objectionable-looking infant fast asleep on two chairs by the side
+of the bed.
+
+"H'sh!" said his wife, in a thrilling whisper.  "He's just gone off."
+
+"D'ye mean I mustn't open my mouth in my own bedroom?"  demanded the
+indignant man, loudly.
+
+"H'sh!" said his wife again.
+
+It was too late.  Master Smith, opening first one eye and then the other,
+finished by opening his mouth.  The noise was appalling.
+
+"H'sh!  H'sh!" repeated Mrs. Billing, as her husband began to add to the
+noise.  "Don't wake 'im right up."
+
+"Right up?"  repeated the astonished man.  "Right up?  Why, is he doing
+this in 'is sleep?"
+
+He subsided into silence, and, undressing with stealthy care, crept into
+bed and lay there, marvelling at his self-control.  He was a sound
+sleeper, but six times at least he was awakened by Mrs. Billing slipping
+out of bed--regardless of draughts to her liege lord--and marching up and
+down the room with the visitor in her arms.  He rose in the morning and
+dressed in ominous silence.
+
+"I 'ope he didn't disturb you," said his wife, anxiously.
+
+"You've done it," replied Mr. Billing.  "You've upset everything now.
+Since I joined the Purnip lot everybody's took advantage of me; now I'm
+going to get some of my own back.  You wouldn't ha' dreamt of behaving
+like this a few weeks ago."
+
+"Oh, Joe!"  said his wife, entreatingly; "and everybody's been so happy!"
+
+"Except me," retorted Joe Billing.  "You come down and get my breakfast
+ready.  If I start early I shall catch Mr. Bill Ricketts on 'is way to
+work.  And mind, if I find that steam-orgin 'ere when I come 'ome
+to-night you'll hear of it."
+
+He left the house with head erect and the light of battle in his eyes,
+and, meeting Mr. Ricketts at the corner, gave that justly aggrieved
+gentleman the surprise of his life.  Elk Street thrilled to the fact that
+Mr. Billing had broken out again, and spoke darkly of what the evening
+might bring forth.  Curious eyes followed his progress as he returned
+home from work, and a little later on the news was spread abroad that he
+was out and paying off old scores with an ardour that nothing could
+withstand.
+
+"And wot about your change of 'art?" demanded one indignant matron, as
+her husband reached home five seconds ahead of Mr. Billing and hid in the
+scullery.
+
+"It's changed agin," said Mr. Billing, simply.
+
+He finished the evening in the Blue Lion, where he had one bar almost to
+himself, and, avoiding his wife's reproachful glance when he arrived
+home, procured some warm water and began to bathe his honourable scars.
+
+"Mr. Purnip 'as been round with another gentleman," said his wife.
+
+Mr. Billing said, "Oh!"
+
+"Very much upset they was, and 'ope you'll go and see them," she
+continued.
+
+Mr. Billing said "Oh!" again; and, after thinking the matter over, called
+next day at the Settlement and explained his position.
+
+"It's all right for gentlemen like you," he said civilly.  "But a man.
+like me can't call his soul 'is own--or even 'is bedroom.  Everybody
+takes advantage of 'im.  Nobody ever gives you a punch, and, as for
+putting babies in your bedroom, they wouldn't dream of it."
+
+He left amid expressions of general regret, turning a deaf ear to all
+suggestions about making another start, and went off exulting in his
+freedom.
+
+His one trouble was Mr. Purnip, that estimable gentleman, who seemed to
+have a weird gift of meeting him at all sorts of times and places, never
+making any allusion to his desertion, but showing quite clearly by his
+manner that he still hoped for the return of the wanderer.  It was
+awkward for a man of sensitive disposition, and Mr. Billing, before
+entering a street, got into the habit of peering round the corner first.
+
+He pulled up suddenly one evening as he saw his tenacious friend,
+accompanied by a lady-member, some little distance ahead.  Then he sprang
+forward with fists clenched as a passer-by, after scowling at Mr. Purnip,
+leaned forward and deliberately blew a mouthful of smoke into the face of
+his companion.
+
+Mr. Billing stopped again and stood gaping with astonishment.  The
+aggressor was getting up from the pavement, while Mr. Purnip, in an
+absolutely correct attitude, stood waiting for him.  Mr. Billing in a
+glow of delight edged forward, and, with a few other fortunates, stood by
+watching one of the best fights that had ever been seen in the district.
+Mr. Purnip's foot-work was excellent, and the way he timed his blows made
+Mr. Billing's eyes moist with admiration.
+
+It was over at last.  The aggressor went limping off, and Mr. Purnip,
+wiping his bald head, picked up his battered and dusty hat from the
+roadway and brushed it on his sleeve.  He turned with a start and a blush
+to meet the delighted gaze of Mr. Billing.
+
+"I'm ashamed of myself," he murmured, brokenly--"ashamed."
+
+"Ashamed !" exclaimed the amazed Mr. Billing.  "Why, a pro couldn't ha'
+done better."
+
+"Such an awful example," moaned the other.  "All my good work here thrown
+away."
+
+"Don't you believe it, sir," said Mr. Billing, earnestly.  "As soon as
+this gets about you'll get more members than you want a'most.  I'm coming
+back, for one."
+
+Mr. Purnip turned and grasped his hand.
+
+"I understand things now," said Mr. Billing, nodding sagely.  "Turning
+the other cheek's all right so long as you don't do it always.  If you
+don't let 'em know whether you are going to turn the other cheek or knock
+their blessed heads off, it's all right.  'Arf the trouble in the world
+is caused by letting people know too much."
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Convert, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CONVERT ***
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